Let Me Know What You Need For My Next Program On Circular Dating

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My next program will be about Circular Dating – What it is, Why it works no matter what situation you’re in (even if you’re married, with some adjustments), and exactly How to do it in all kinds of situations.

Would you let me know what you’d like me cover?  I’m going to use many scenarios and situations, and give you specifics – words, body language, Tools – for each, so let me know your questions here.

Thank you, Rori

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52 Comments

  1.  #1Lin on November 9, 2008 at 10:28 pm

    Rori,
    I have questions…about this dating..
    I am dating to keep busy.., and to think about my self.. and not my x. how do I keep the dates
    from getting to close..
    Each date I have told me they would like to just date me.. and not date other women.
    I don’t feel the same way… so what do I say about that… ?
    I know that many men… are trying to get intimate,,, right away.. no matter what I say.
    I tell them up front.. that this would take a while …. it depends on when I am ready.. if ever… nothing seems to turn them away..
    I feel if they make the big move and get turned down and they stop calling…. they did not get what they wanted… and they move on..
    I know I am generalising… but all the dates have been the same…. about the kissing and touching… really I am not that attracted to any one of them… so I don’t get into any of it..
    that has been my whole life.. any way…? I am really looking for the one that does it for me.
    I just feel I am too picky…. and I know your feeling on it… let the man be very attractive and it will grow for us women… however we must be attracted enough to kiss them… and I just never am…. that does not mean I wont ever again meet a guy that it happens with.
    Also.. I notice the men that complains… if I don’t call them.. right back when they call.
    I smell the female energy in some men..
    and so I pass… on that.. I notice the cheep ones. All this makes my x look better and better…. no one is perfect.. right.
    If I only dated men.. that I knew I would like to kiss… I would not have any dates…
    I dont want any one come to my house… just does not feel good..
    all of this gets so tiring…. what do you think,
    Lin



  2.  #2alias girl on November 9, 2008 at 11:48 pm

    oh thank you lin. you articulated what was running around in my head. i can barely tolerate small doses of some of these (a lot) men even on the phone. and so many of them seem so much more interested in me than i am in them. and i’ll be honest many of them repulse me. i know that would seem like a quality problem to have but it’s really not. it feels like more of a curse. i know i probably sound super conceited but this is my truth. i feel like i am tolerating these men and i feel like i can’t win. when i am alone all i wish is to be on the arm of a man i adore. when i am with one of these men i am trying to date i think maybe being alone is not so bad. when i am with a man i adore i am in HEAVEN. my ex looks awesome to me right now and i wish i could be with him. and yes i can sense the girly girl lurking in some of these men. i met one man tonight who just could not for the life of himself step up. but i know if i took charge i could be with him. i know he really liked me. i donLt know. it feels like a chore to spend time with these guys.



  3.  #3Daria on November 10, 2008 at 12:54 am

    hmm…I would like help with:

    If you are attracted to more than one man

    How to feel good about sex no matter what you decide to do

    What to do if there are other women around (how to feel secure)

    If he’s trying to make you jealous

    If he’s not what you’re looking for but it feels fun to be with him

    If you feel lonely when you’re not around men

    If you see a guy you like and his friend talks to you instead

    If you are worried about his issues (he has kids, exes, financial issues, etc)

    How to motivate him when he’s down (how to feel he’s benefiting from your radiant presence)

    So… the guys you’re dating know each other… how to handle it

    How to LOOK MEN IN THE EYE!

    You’re interested… should you look at him or wait to catch him looking…

    How to LOOK MEN IN THE EYE and keep it up!

    How to get him to stop texting and call you instead…

    What to do if he attacks, blames, or makes you feel guilty…

    How to always feel sure you deserve being treated well

    If you feel you don’t deserve to be treated well

    Feeling you’re too selfish



  4.  #4maya on November 10, 2008 at 2:25 am

    Hello Rori,
    The subjects Daria suggested are very interesting, also something for single mothers with no time?.
    love to you.



  5.  #5Reshi on November 10, 2008 at 9:01 am

    I guess what I’d be interested in is how to make Circular Dating work when you’re married. What should the boundaries be like, do you talk to your husband about it, what if HE also starts Circular Dating…



  6.  #6Sarah on November 10, 2008 at 9:51 am

    Hi Rori,

    What if no one WANTS to date you? Or you RARELY get asked out because noone LIKES you or because you dont pay attention to MOST guys? I don’t know how to attract guys! Also is there any chance of you putting the option of paying by paypal for your next programs?



  7.  #7Erika on November 10, 2008 at 8:49 pm

    to Lin and Alias Girl,

    You guys tried Emotional Freedom Technique? I found that when I tapped on my *guilt* about not giving guys what I assumed they wanted, and released that emotion, I stopped attracting very much clingy guy behavior.

    Nowadays also I love giving myself permission to go out with any man I want without feeling any obligation whatsoever, not even to kiss him … makes it much easier to enjoy the moment. It’s wonderful having lots of male friends, and it’s ok with me if the energy shifts back and forth between platonic and sexy/romantic.

    love,
    Erika



  8.  #8Linda on November 11, 2008 at 5:19 am

    As a single mother of young children, I also find dating extra complicated. I am uncomfortable inviting someone to my house, even just to pick me up, until I really know and trust them. it’s not a ood look” for my kids to see a parad of men coming to see Mommy. Also, my availabilty is limited, for dating, even for talking on the phone. Men always ask about the kids’ father, mosly, I am sure to ascertain whether they would have to support them. In the past, I have tried not saying I have kids, o saying they have a trust, to assure a new provider is not what I’m looking for. But this is my parent’sadvice, and well…..you know, given with the best intentions, but from a vantage point that a single mother is not as worthy, and I should also lie about my age. I am an older mom, mst women and men my age have children who are grown, and I am told by some, they do not want to start again.
    Just a few issues I’d like addressed. I’m sure the more I date, and I’ve done my share over the years, the more questions I’ll have.



  9.  #9Cassandra on November 11, 2008 at 8:47 am

    Rori,
    In my situation, should I even be circular dating? I would feel tremendously guilty about that….as though I would be cheating on Charles. I know that I am no where near being even close to ready for that or even talking to another man – I would feel as though I am betraying Charles or cheating on him and would feel horrible about myself in doing so. Your thoughts?

    With love and hugs….
    Cassandra



  10.  #10Reshi on November 11, 2008 at 10:39 am

    I’ve had something happen that I heard about on Reconnect but NEVER figured would happen to me.

    My vibe is shifting…and right now I feel I’ve pretty much “lost it” for my husband. I wish he would go away. He’s like one of those guys I just don’t care about, like an annoying older brother. Ugh. I’m just so over him, the way he mopes around, complains, doesn’t bother shaving, dives into the computer, acts scared of me. It’s very unattractive. He’s NOT the energetic, passionate, loving man I dated years ago. He’s a pale shadow of that man; he’s lame and uninteresting. I wonder why I even bother trying to keep this relationship together.

    And yet I still don’t want to cheat, and I’m not feeling ready to file for divorce…I’m not 100% Goddess within myself yet. I imagine that when I am, I will know!

    I don’t mind my marriage being in a holding pattern. I now feel like I’m giving him a chance to win MY affection back…while I focus on me and creating my wonderful life for myself, right in front of his face. 😀



  11.  #11Lin on November 11, 2008 at 10:48 am

    Reshi,
    wow ! What progress you have made..!!! I am so enlighten to see this shift in you…
    Keep creating a happy life for yourself.
    I cant wait to be able to say the same.

    Lin



  12.  #12Cassandra on November 11, 2008 at 10:52 am

    Reshi……I totally agree with Lin! WAY TO GO!!! I can’t wait until I get to that same place! I am smiling from ear to ear for you! Lin….you will get there for sure!!! 🙂

    Love to you both….
    Cassandra



  13.  #13Cassandra on November 11, 2008 at 10:53 am

    Reshi….I forgot to ask you a question….did you start with Reconnect Your Relationship or Toxic Men?? I don’t have either one but am not sure which one to start with.



  14.  #14Reshi on November 11, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    I started with Reconnect and then got Toxic Men and Modern Siren. They’re all great, I couldn’t tell you which one to start with because each one has a different piece of the puzzle. If I had to choose one, I would say actually start with Modern Siren, because that one’s more focused on YOU than on the man, and that’s where everything has to start. Rori, what do you think?



  15.  #15Rori Raye on November 11, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    Oh, Thank you all for these wonderful comments – I’ll try to answer each of you here –

    Lin and Alias Girl and Linda- as your vibe shifts (as is happening with Reshi), the men will improve in quality. If you are seeing the same kind of man over and over show up, then you must practice, more and more – 24/7 – all the inner Tools, and USE dating to practice.

    Sarah – Modern Siren will help you to feel and be attractive – you already are – you’re just clamping down on it…

    Reshi – you Rock!

    Daria and Maya, Thank you for the lists, I’ll print them out and use them in the program along with everything you’ve all brought up here…

    Erika – Thank you for the steer to EFT – another great way to help yourself…For now, Cassandra, especially, just know that the guilt has to do with anger and fear. Start with flirting, just to up your self-esteem.

    Reshi, Thank you for breaking down the programs. Reconnect really lays out some powerful BASICS – it’s still, for me, my favorite in that way…and Siren is the most universal, fast way to understand, and feel, and be ATTRACTIVE – JUST because you’re a woman – and connect in a deep way with a man. It really helps you dive into your own feminine magic, and it works – you will experience how different the energy between you and a man is – and how different a man behaves when he feels emotionally “safe” because of how newly safe YOU feel with YOURSELF. Love, Rori



  16.  #16alias girl on November 11, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    thank you rori! yes that makes perfect sense. i truly believe that my inner world creates my outer reality. so maybe i am attracting icky guys just because it is very easy to practice on them and experiment and take risks with that i may not if i was all gaga bout a guy. also i get to Clearly see behavior that is completely unacceptable to me now and i get to see my new reactions to it. i am very pleased with my behavior. i have been pretty dignified and graceful with these men even when some of them were complete ugh. so i am sooooo much more stronger and confident in regards to my boundaries. so in the practicing aspect it has all been perfect albeit unenjoyable. i feel very confident the fun one are just around the corner and i am very excited to play and experiment in that new arena. i must admit though today i feel like texting all three of my exex who i still love then each and just stirring things up and creating chaos. i donLt though bc i know they were not giving me what i desire and probably still can’t and for me to outman them and contact them will not help them or me. it will not increase the love or goodwill and etc. but thanks again rori. i am quite baffled how you came to all these fantastic conclusions that are so right on. 🙂 xoxo



  17.  #17Heather on November 11, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    Hi Rori, my situation is I am dating a man who, although he is often distant, unattentive, even neglectful of me (often goes a week or more with no contact), very little affection or attention even when I am with him; at the same time; if he even suspects that I may have gone out by myself or even worse, that I may have talked to another man (even totally innocently), he uses that as an excuse to withdraw totally or leave me (he has left me several times over 3 years). He says he thinks if I go out by myself or talk to other guys, I am “using him” and he wants no part of it. Even when I have not gone out at all in order to please him, sometimes he will get it in his head that I have.

    He has also more than once accused me of flirting with his friends (when I have not) and used that as an excuse to leave me. It got to the point where I wouldn’t even look at his friends or say more than two words to them so that he couldn’t accuse me of flirting with them.

    How would circular dating work with a man like this? If at all? I do feel that he has a good heart deep down.

    Thanks.



  18.  #18Reshi on November 12, 2008 at 12:06 am

    OK, so circular dating? I talked to my husband about it tonight. I have a lunch date with another guy tomorrow.

    My husband pretty much doesn’t care, he says he trusts me and trusts that my intentions are good and wants me to be happy.

    I guess this means now I actually have to get my dance card filled, so to speak…



  19.  #19Lin on November 12, 2008 at 4:21 am

    Reshi,
    My heart hurt when I read your post. as we wait for Rori to answer… your post…

    You go to lunch.. enjoy … and allow him to treat you like the princess you are.
    You are creating the happy life for yourself.
    Lin



  20.  #20Courtney on November 12, 2008 at 7:02 am

    Will you answer how to have a conversation about the fact that you are dating others (casually) with your man when you have been dating him exclusively for 4 years and have agreed to him that you won’t date anyone else. Do you think it’s necessary to have the conversation or just look at the cicular dating as a casual “thing” that is helping you learn to flirt, use feelign messages and stop focusing so much on him and more on you?



  21.  #21Reshi on November 12, 2008 at 8:34 am

    Unfortunately, now I don’t have the feeling of being over him anymore…I spent some time with him last night and this morning and it was just terrible…every word out of my mouth made him either cry or yell at me. And it hurt like hell. How could a once-wonderful man be so broken down now, and it’s my fault? So of course now I feel guilty and awful, and ANGRY. Angry at him for holding all these bad feelings. Angry at me for holding my own bad feelings and acting out of them for so long. Just plain angry. We had a bit of serious conversation and it’s like I’m starting to understand how I’ve upset him over the years–I’ve been a terrible receiver and a terrible listener and he said that talking to me was like talking to a wall for some time…funny because I feel the same way about him. But he also takes my listening for granted, he’ll just talk at me and then go away, no regard for the fact that I might also want to say something. Ugh…why would I even want to be around that? And the truth is, I don’t. Unless he steps up, I don’t want to be around him. And every day I come home hoping that he’s going to step up and he doesn’t, it’s like a knife in the heart. And of course he isn’t going to step up just because I’m hoping that he’s going to.

    He might, though, step up once I’ve dated enough other guys…I think he’s more affected by that than he is letting on.



  22.  #22Reshi on November 12, 2008 at 8:35 am

    And thanks Lin, I appreciate the words of encouragement 😀



  23.  #23Karen on November 12, 2008 at 8:39 am

    Heather,
    This man you speak of is a total CONTROLLER… you will NEVER be able to be Happy with him or to PLEASE him because he is using everything you say or do to manipulate you and make you wrong!!!! He has issues that you cannot help him with …. He sounds totally TOXIC and is not good for you in any way….. please start reading Rori’s posts and find the strength in you to GET THE LOVE YOU DESERVE>>>>



  24.  #24Karen on November 12, 2008 at 3:43 pm

    Reshi,
    It sounds like time apart would do you both some good!
    Do you have other interesting things to do to keep you out of the house and away from him……it would be hard for me to have to deal with that day after day…. and i think i would say so…..



  25.  #25Rori Raye on November 12, 2008 at 5:31 pm

    Heather – This man sounds about as toxic as a man comes, and your self-esteem sounds lower than low and your level of subservience and service to this man stratospheric.

    Regardless of how “good” a man he is, deep down – he’s doing nothing for you right now, or he would be giving you the affection and attention any normal relationship requires and he would have married you by now.

    He’s not doing the job.

    You need to work on yourself. You need to write a power speech, you need to speak your feelings one step at a time – and when you start doing this, things will loosen up for you.

    Start with the ebook, then go to Reconnect, then to Siren, then Toxic Men. As you progress, expect to experience some anger – yours especially, and his – as you get stronger, you’ll be able to deal with his anger instead of fearing him.

    I wish you luck, and hope all the wonderful women on this site have help for you, too. Love, Rori



  26.  #26Rori Raye on November 12, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    Reshi – now you know the next step – learning to Receive and to Listen. This is what you are now practicing – wherever you are, whoever you’re with – even (especially) with him. Go Reshi! Love, Rori



  27.  #27Heather on November 12, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    Thanks Karen and Rori for your replies. I have thought that my self esteem is okay, its just that I try too hard to please him so he doesn’t withdraw or leave me (as when he does I feel so miserable and sad, I can’t seem to get past those feelings even if logically I can see that he is not good for me). But I can see that its not the way a relationship should be. Thanks Rori for your suggestions, I have the ebook, Reconnect and am currently going through Siren. I will also try Toxic Man too as it sounds like it could help as well.



  28.  #28Rori Raye on November 12, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    Courtney – How have you come to be with a man for 4 years and not talk about where the relationship is?

    Do not do anything until you can sit and talk with him about what you don’t want, how you feel, and ask him what he thinks. Bring up that you don’t want to be a girlfriend, and so you were considering dating other men, though you’d only sleep with him, that you feel confused and don’t exactly know what to do to get the relationship to the commitment you want. Love, Rori



  29.  #29Reshi on November 12, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    Thanks Karen and Rori, I appreciate all the encouragement. I’ll likely be away from my husband until the weekend–and then there’s going to be that relationship seminar going on and I’m sure all hell will break loose there.

    My lunch date today stood me up, I was mildly annoyed, and I took myself out to lunch and blew my entertainment budget on a gorgeous new lingerie set which I am now wearing…and I’ve been pretty much Riffing all day…this is going to be an interesting week…



  30.  #30alias girl on November 12, 2008 at 7:58 pm

    Cool reshi. Wow! You are powerblasting through stuff. hang in there!!!!!



  31.  #31alias girl on November 12, 2008 at 8:14 pm

    I feel like my WANTING is PREVENTING things from showing up for me. I WANT men to show up that I am interested in. I WANT them to be interested in me as well. I WANT them to spoil me. I WANT to have sex with at least one of them and feel safe about that. I WANT a boyfriend soooooo bad. And on that note, I deleted my online profile because I was done practicing online. I had A LOT of that kind of practice and the results were interesting but not what feels good. It did not feel full of possibilty. Out of all the bazillion hours, days, months, I have spent online in the past five years I have met maybe three guys tops in real life and one was ok, one was nice but not for me and one was ick. Those statistics are just not good. All those hours for that? But at that time that’s what I needed and I’ve come very far from all my online experience and am actually close to normal now in my capacity to date men. (I was extremely fearful and socially crippled before.) So I now feel I have to make an effort in real life to meet men to date. I feel excited and also a little clueless about this. But hopeful. Now instead of compulsively checking my email I get to actually go do fun things I enjoy. Ah, yes, that certainly sounds like an improvement. I really want to have sex though. Like soon. Is sex with an ex a bad idea? (I suppose that’s a rhetorical question. Sort of.) I want my exes to WANT to be my boyfriend. So I am afraid if I have sex with one (or all?) of them then I will lose my power to make that happen if it was EVER going to happen to begin with. If not, if I knew for sure that would never happen with those men then I might just have a sex-only relationship with them. WHICH IS HOW I GOT MYSELF INTO MY PREDICAMENT WITH THESE MEN IN THE FIRST PLACE. I feel confused.



  32.  #32Daria on November 13, 2008 at 1:52 am

    OMG Alias Girl you are soooo awesome… Again this is exactly how I feel (about sex and the exes too and about wanting). IT feels SO GOOD to see someone else say it…. sometimes I don’t have the courage to face my feelings about that I guess… especially that I want to have sex! THANK YOU THANK YOU thank you for saying these things here. You are helping me so much!!!

    I have an online profile on myspace and have met most of my new dates through it… I have cute pictures up. I’ve met lots of cool guys and one of them actually drove to see me today! YAY! =)

    He also asked me to be his girlfriend… this is our 3rd time seeing each other… I just gave him the I don’t want to be a girlfriend speech (I don’t even know if this is true, because I like you would love to be a girlfriend, especially to this One guy I know LOL but I don’t want to be this guy’s girlfriend, I barely know him and am not over the top attracted like I was at first… ). I felt scared and weird giving the speech and said that… and gave the speech including the I want to be married in the next few years (DO I? I don’t know sounds possible though I am getting older right and not only that but Rori said it’s the thing to say…) well now he says he wants to get married also and he still seems very interested in me… hehe… so the speech works.



  33.  #33Linda on November 13, 2008 at 4:24 am

    What do you say to a man you used to be involved with, who comes back out of the blue, for what looks like a friendship? It would be too hard for me. I still have strong feelings for him. Do I tell him , give a speech,”I don’t feel like/don’t want to be friends. I feel like being in a serious relationship right now,and don’t want to spend my time with a guy who isn’t interested in me”? Or do I just not say anything and ignore his overtures completely until/unless he asks why I am not available? I almost think it wuld be inappropriate to even discuss anything, but telling him “no” would feel kinda good, too. I want to be inviting, but not on his terms…
    You guys are obviously way ahead of me with this stuff.Rori, what would you suggest is my most siren thing to do here?



  34.  #34Daria on November 13, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    Linda, I am not Rori but here is my imput:

    The speech is a very brave thing to do… Remember to be 100% authentic… you can also tell him you still have feelings for him!
    It’s not about him, it’s about you expressing yourself fully.

    If you don’t feel you want to speak to him at all… then don’t (but it sounds like you do, since you said telling him no would feel good). If you are being open then telling him no would not feel good or bad probably, My guess is it would feel good to you because you still feel angry at him. So maybe say that in your speech as well. You can start out with I feel scared, weird to speak about this. Try not to blurt it out… the point is to take it slow and practice…

    I just did a speech with a guy I dated and got totally stuck and speechless at first… I almost blurted out the whole thing, but instead I just started saying I feel weird, etc. Then I said my speech slowly and gave him time to respond in between. It worked really well… luckily this wasn’t a guy I am heavily invested in… but it was great practice and I feel much more confident now.



  35.  #35Rori Raye on November 13, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    To All – about sex. I am totally in favor of sex buddies and boy toys. Men who are way too young and way too poor – so that you would NEVER fall for them. HOWEVER – there’s a time for that where it makes you feel good and stronger, and you learn about your sexuality, and you feel beautiful and desired and edgy and free-spirited and emotionally supported – and a time NOT to do that – when it becomes a distraction and a drain and a backward step.

    We can talk about this more – but the way to go here is to follow your FEELINGS – experiment. If it feels really good, and you do NOT feel a pull toward the man, you only feel SUPPORTED by him, then you are getting some basic needs met and actually expanding yourself and practicing RECEIVING.

    If he’s crowding out your Circular Dating time, however, or if you find yourself thinking about him or worrying about his feelings…that’s not what you want, and it’s not being a Rock Star Free Spirit.

    Let me know your stories (perhaps I’ll share mine, too). Love, Rori



  36.  #36Rori Raye on November 13, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    To All – anything that shows up, any man who shows up (and when you start working with my Tools – all kinds of old men and situations will start showing up out of nowhere – that’s how it works…) – use as an opportunity to practice SPEAKING.

    When you know how you feel, say it. The “friends” speech you wrote here is perfect…don’t stuff anything down – this is why you’re practicing! Love, Rori



  37.  #37alias girl on November 13, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    I have a hard time giving people and men a chance. it’s especially hard with online people. i pick poorly with online men. in real life i can guage how i feel about myself in their presence and i am not so concerned with their physical features. online i seem concerned about how they look and what they wrote. neither of those two criteria are things that any of the guys i’ve liked in the past would have done well with. i am just thinking outloud. i feel excited about this real life thing. heh heh. actually doing things i enjoy. i feel scared stepping out of my comfort zone. that feels like a fast racing heart and sudden bouts of narcoleptic like tiredness. i can do it though. baby steps.



  38.  #38alias girl on November 13, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    when i don’t feel a PULL but I do feel SUPPORTED. Well. that would certainly be a new experience. ok I’m going to put my feelers out for that and try and get me someone who’d like to have sex with me. and then continue all my practicing and circular dating. When i get these concepts going on in my life i think it will be fun and fulfilling. Far more fulfilling than waiting for the Imaginary relatinoship to magically become something supportive or real. thank you rori raye!



  39.  #39Bethany on November 16, 2008 at 5:20 pm

    For a Circular Dating program (I wish I could have it in my hands like yesterday!), my questions would be: how do you handle guilt, what do you do about jealousy from him and how to handle his adverse reactions–including what if he starts doing it too? And how do you backtrack on a verbal agreement you made without it being cheating?



  40.  #40Caj13 on November 17, 2008 at 7:31 am

    My suggestion for making circular dating feel more acceptable is to abandon the idea of Date with a capital D. De-dramatize and think of it as an appointment, an occasion to interact with another person on an emotional level, without expectations for a particular result.

    The word date is so charged emotionally and culturally – it has turned into a symbol of anything and everything: a rite of passage to absolute happiness that one must “succeed” at or be doomed to absolute misery , or evidence of cheating if one has a longstanding (but not truly committed) relationship with someone else; or a magical path to fulfillment that one must be worthy or ready to follow in order to attempt….



  41.  #41alias girl on November 17, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    i like that caj 13. i’m going to take the capital D out of dating. and maybe the capital B out of boyfriend too. too much pressure. oh and the capG for sure out of Girlfriend. that is way too much pressure for me. i feel like i have to be perfect which i so am not. it keeps me from enterting into long term relations with people. ok if they’re just small d dates is it wrong to date a man who has a wife in a completely other country? it feels wrong but i am so tired of not dating anyone. although I’d like to just have fun with it but he keeps saying how much he likes me whihc actually feels a little overwhelming. and yet flattering. and yet scary. there’s a language barrier as well so it’s hard to communicate feeling messages to him.i don’t know. maybe i like it when my life resembles a cartoon. of all the men in the world i need to date him? but still what are people’s thoughts on it?



  42.  #42JP on November 17, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    Hi Caj13 – I really connect with your posts, I feel uplifted reading them. And deeprooted too! Great to hear from beautiful France. I am in the UK. I look forward to reading more from you.

    Caj13 & Alias Girl – fabulous, fabulous, fabulous! I’m putting the capital F back on Fabulous lol 🙂



  43.  #43Daria on November 18, 2008 at 2:57 am

    Ok you guys I am going in the other direction here. I am working on putting a capital D on my Dates. Most of my dates if not all in my life have been with a small d, or maybe even an h for hanging out. I want the D! I now know I deserve the D and can even have it as long as I “hold out” for it. So even though I am giving myself permission to hang out, I am requiring the D for me to take a man seriously now.

    YAY Me.



  44.  #44Caj13 on November 18, 2008 at 7:18 am

    Right on Daria! I thought of that aspect after posting. Both attitudes are useful – it’s up to US to Capitalize or Not depending on what WE want/need in the moment. Far be it from me to squash Big Dates where we get to prounce around wearing our fanciest queen’s crown.

    But for all of those for whom dating feels like some voracious dragon, all the scarier for being an unknown quantity out of lack of habit, let’s realize that we can go out and take our time to casually “interview” as many prince charmings as we like. Even our comfortable every-day tiaras will protect us until we choose the dragon-slayer of our dreams, and beyond.
    And these jewel-studded headpieces should also remind us that our place is not stuck somewhere just ‘hanging out’, much less driving pumpkins to do Cinderella’s service job. (I am not putting down housecleaning work here, I am referring to all those personal services we preemptively render out of love that have not been earned, appreciated or will ever be reciprocated.)



  45.  #45Lin on November 18, 2008 at 8:19 am

    today, I need to share.
    I am not doing anything for him anymore.
    He is doing many things for me. and He is taking me out for $250.00 meals.. and doing work around my house that needs fixing.
    He is calling a lot every day and texting…. however he is acting like he is afraid to sleep with me.. … leaves when the work is done.. or the date is over.
    He kisses me and then we walk to his car…
    cause he has to get up so early in the morning… ( excuse)
    so, what is going on now…. ? This man is always confusing me. He is even taking my dad and my son to dinner with us during the week.. however he never sleeps over night.
    so what can I do about that. ?
    I am doing nothing.. but dating other men and having fun…,. also.. not sleeping with any one,
    but him.. sometimes, hoping the right man will shows up….
    Whats going on? with me.. is that… the man I love.. does not make me feel good.. doing things for me… and taking me out for great dinners… and spending lots of money … on me. I need to feel his love for me.. in his wanting to be intimate with me..and not wanting to leave me…. I feel happy he is helping me.. and doing what he is doing.
    but its not fulfilling me . I have told him.

    Feels so good he is helping me.. with my house. Feels so good he is taking me out to dinner to wonderful places and great wines.

    I have told him. that I still feel in love with him. and he responds with… Perfect ! thats what I am suppose to be feeling. Any one have thoughts on this for me.?
    Lin



  46.  #46Cassandra on November 18, 2008 at 9:09 am

    Lin….I am happy that HE is stepping up for you! You deserve to be treated like a princess!! Not that I know what I am doing in any way shape or form but have you asked your man why he does not stay with you sometimes or why he has backed off from physical intimacy with you? When I read your post 2 things came to my mind…that perhaps 1) he is afraid to be physical as he thinks that it may scare YOU away or 2) maybe he is waiting for a while until you feel safe again with him emotionally. I have no idea if these ideas are even close to what is going on but I just thought I would share what had come to me when I read your post. Hang in there and let him treat you like a princess! You are doing a fantastic job! Love and a big hug…
    Cassandra



  47.  #47Lin on November 18, 2008 at 10:02 am

    Cassandra,
    Thank you for the encouragement.. I have asked him. (We did make love last Wed… first time in a long time. and it was wonderful.)
    however, why has he left me alone after our great night on Saturday. He says, he longs for me, however he said he had to get up early Sunday morning to go play tennis and work. he played tennis first at 7:30 am.. he called me from the court.
    and then he did not go into work however he came right over to have breakfast and do more
    work at my house. and then he left right after the work was done. Actually I think he is playing hard to get.. while he is stepping up to
    do work for me and taking me out to dinner.
    In the recent past.. he has lied to me and I had
    been very angry at him….. I had power speeches with him.. with anger… and wanted to end it.. at the time due to my frustration.
    So he might not feel safe with me, either.
    However I do feel we are each others anchor
    So while I thought it was over with us when I went to sleep.he called@3:00 am.. and said
    he was sorry.. for upsetting me.. and he did not want to end it.. . and would I forgive him.
    and I did. ( i felt so much better)
    I feel now.. that he is unsure of what he really wants… with me. although he is terrible at communication.So he says . . we are the same.. and he loves me etc.
    .all so.. he lies about things that he does not need to lie about. he is just too lazy to explain the truth. Why are men so much work.. for us.?
    my guy never asks me questions.. he always is
    happy with me. he always says the nice things.
    He is always secure.. with our relationship and with me.. its me who is not.. and I feel its due to his keeping me off balance.
    Lin



  48.  #48Cassandra on November 18, 2008 at 10:11 am

    Lin….well you DO deserve to be treated like a princess! For Sure!! I am glad that he is stepping up but you mentioned in your last post that he lies to you….given my situation that scares the bananas out of me FOR YOU! Perhaps I am raw and picking more things apart than I normally would but NONE OF US…..deserve to be lied to EVER! It bothers me that he lies to you even about things that you said he does not have to lie about…why should he EVER have to lie? I can see if it is perhaps telling you something to disguise a surprise that he has for you but even that whith what I am going through would bother me now. To me….given what I am dealing with now…..a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie and is not appropriate at any time….period! If you are totally honest with him with everything then you deserve complete and open honesty as well! I believe you to be a wonderful and honest woman and you deserve the truth in any and every situaion no matter how hard it is for him to communicate….period! I hate that he liles to youabout anything at all!
    hugs and love…Cassandra



  49.  #49alias girl on November 18, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    you women sooo rock! hah! i love you all Lin i would just take it moment by moment lin. it actually sound like your Energy Is Very Leaning Forward and still Wanting from him Pining for him. maybe circular date with a more open mind. like maybe you actually could find someone you like more. you may decide to have sex with someone else. Ilm not advocating or encouraging having sex with any men incl this guy you write about. i could not possibly know what is the right decision for you regarding that. but opening up the possibility in your mind might shift your enrgy. he is not the only man in the world. i know he’s your fav right now.



  50.  #50Linda G on January 1, 2009 at 12:21 am

    Although I am only an intermittent participant on this blog, I read everybody’s entries and feel like I know some of you. You are all amazing and deserve the very best of life and love this and every year.
    I have been split from my mostrecent guy for months. It took awhile, but after listening to Rori’s programs and endless hours of griving and soulsearching, I have begun dating again. I have listed my profile on to dating sitesand get tons of emails and phone calls. I am using Rori’s tools to stay soft and lean back and they all seem to be very attracted to that. and I like how I’ve manged to shift my vibe somewhat. The thing is, when I go out with them, I find it very depressing. They drive for miles to see me, take me to nice places or just for coffee at first. But I always come home in tears, just so disappointed that they are so stange to me, that I could never connect with them. I know some of this is me not believing anyone could be interested in me unless there was something wrong with them. But I can’t explain it. dating makes me sad.



  51.  #51Averie on January 5, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Dear Rori,

    thank you for the invitation, I am so excited that i am going to be there and actually get to meet you!!!!
    i am currently in a jam situation:(
    I’ve been dating this guy for 1 month( 1 month) I found out that he was seeing other women when he was seeing me. one day after we made out i told him that i never did that on a random date and that i only did that with him because i liked him and i thought what we had was going somewhere. and i told him let’s see how we feel about each other and if there is something we both interested in. He immediately withdrew after that, he would still keep in contact but never took any actions for any more dates.
    Is this situation hopeless?? we haven’t seen each other for one month now and i just told him i want some time off and that i would talk to him when i am ready. did i do the right thing?? i am very scared to put myself out there again. i don’t know if this circular dating thing would help me….please help:(



  52.  #52Wendy on January 12, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    I’m concerned about having men pick me up while circular dating. I’m currently living with my mom. Usually I don’t allow a man to even meet my mom until I have known him for a while and feel comfortable introducing him to her. I won’t be getting my own place again for another six months. When I move, I feel the need to be careful as to who I allow to know where I live.

    Are there any other ways to allow a man to take you out while keeping the place you live private?

    I do plan to date several men, and if I choose to no longer date someone, I don’t want them to feel like they can just drop in on me just because I’ve allowed them to know where I live. You can tell a man you don’t feel comfortable with him coming over without calling, but if he’s determined, he’s coming anyway. A guy I was involved with used to drop in on me. We had a disagreement and I told him that I didn’t want to talk anymore because I was upset and it was getting late. I had to turn my ringer off on my phone and turn my cell off because he would keep calling. I tried to hide my car around the corner because I just knew he was coming. Sure enough, there he was banging on the door trying to make me answer. He finally left only to return because he spotted my car. I still didn’t let him in, but I don’t want to have to go through that kind of drama with anyone else.

    What if a date is dropping you off, and another guy decided to stop by and is waiting for you outside?

    What if you’re getting ready for a date, and another guy stops by to see if you want to go out?

    What would you say in these instances without making things more uncomfortable?

    A lot of men don’t have a car. Maybe the one they have is broke down, and they haven’t fixed it yet. If the person seems like someone you would like to get to know, do you not date them because they can’t pick you up?

    When you first accept a date with someone, how do you discuss if they’re paying for it. I don’t want to assume. There are a lot of men out there that look to the woman to pay. I wouldn’t want to discover this at the time the bill comes. Some men “expect” something from you when they pay for everything. Is it so wrong to go dutch?