New Rori Raye 6-Week “You Get Love” Teleclass

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If you’re struggling in your love life, I don’t want you to have to go through that!

The personal help, advice and support my one-on-on clients get in private coaching with me makes all the difference for them – things get better so quickly when you have someone to work with you, stand by you and be there for you. And I want you to have that personal guidance and support, too.

So on January 31st, I’ll begin my new 6-week teleclass – “You Get Love.”
The class is on Monday evenings at 5:30pm PST/7:30 CMT/8:30pm EST. 7:30 CMT
(If you’re in England or Europe, I’ll schedule a second session for your time zone.  If you’re in Australia, the Monday evening group will work great for you)

To Kick Off the 6-Week “You Get Love” Class, I’ll Be Doing a FREE INTRODUCTION teleclass on Monday, January 24th .

There’s no need to even sign up for the free teleclass, just dial this number at 5:30pm PST, 8:30pm EST:


…and then, at the prompt…put in this code:


…and you’ll be on the phone with me!

The “You Get Love” 6-Week class starts up officially on Monday, January 31st and goes through Monday March 14th – at 5:30pm PST/8:30pm EST. This link will take you to the page to get details about how the class will work for you:

This link will take you directly to paypal to sign up:

We’ll be using ALL of the Tools from ALL of my programs: The Have The Relationship You Want ebook, Reconnect Your Relationship, Toxic Men, Targeting Mr. Right, Modern Siren and Commitment Blueprint – and I’ll make sure they work for you individually in your unique situation.

I’ll help you in that situation you’re in right now, and together, we’ll make a step-by-step plan for you. You’ll know exactly what to do (and you’ll have lots of special written class material to help you) – no matter what things are like for you now, or what any man does or says.

I look forward to working with you in the 6-week “You Get Love” class.

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Femininewoman on January 22, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Thank you.

  2.  #2Brenda on January 22, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Yay, Rori!

    Thank you!

  3.  #3Brenda on January 22, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Here’s an update on Ryan.

    I got him out of my heart on Jan. 2nd. I cried him out on a tidal wave of tears.

    The push-me-pull-you has continued, so I’ve been collecting feeling messages from the blog and thinking things through, so you may see some of your feeling messages within my following text dialogue with Ryan, that I have adapted to my situation…

    In the middle of the night last night, I texted Ryan:

    B: Hi, did you see my email? Will you go with me to have deliverance prayer with a few of the ministers at church? You don’t have to live with these attacks.

    A little while ago, he returned my text:

    R: Did they say they would pray for me?

    B: I didn’t ask them. But there are several there who are trained in deliverance. Would you like me to ask them? I know they’d say yes.

    R: No, that’s ok. But thanks for the idea.

    B: YW. I miss the Ryan I used to know. Je*sus is THE ONLY One with more power than Satan. Something doesn’t feel right. Is Satan controlling you sometimes?

    R: What do you mean?

    B: I feel frustrated and drained a lot when I talk with you. I feel pushed and pulled around. I want to be able to trust you, but actions speak louder than words.

    R: I don’t know what to tell you.

    B: I don’t like to be manipulated.

    R: I have no reason to manipulate you. I don’t want anything from you.

    B: Ryan, I don’t want to see you do a life sentence more tortured than the lifers I’ve known in prison. Where is the real Ryan? He used to be so beautiful. Now he seems locked deep inside. You seem hardened. Je*sus Loves you and I love you no matter what. Please don’t let them control you.

    B: What do you think?

    R: I think a lot of your perceptions on the situation are inaccurate.

    (I was gathering feeling messages with my slow computer at this point).

    R: I’m going to bed.

    B: It feels difficult to trust you right now. I feel resistant. This feels terrible. I don’t want to play games. What do you think?

    R: I told you, I want to completely remove myself from the situation.

    B: I am out too, but if you ever want to get proper help (Christian deliverance ministry), I am willing to help you with that. Good night and my prayers are with you.

    I feel at peace, even tho naturally I am a little sad.

  4.  #4Brenda on January 22, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    I noticed that Ryan seems to center on our conflict, rather than try to bring harmony between us. I have let go.

  5.  #5Senior Lady Vibe on January 22, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Hello, world. I’m thank for this wonderful night.


  6.  #6Senior Lady Vibe on January 22, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Hello, world, I’m doubly thankful for this wonderful night… I’ll spell better in the morning…


  7.  #7Senior Lady Vibe on January 22, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    @4: Brenda says:
    “…I noticed that Ryan seems to center on our conflict, rather than try to bring harmony between us. I have let go…”

    Unless there is some text that we are not seeing, I consider Ryan very kind and patient with you to receive these kind of messages from you in the middle of the night. If you use Rosa’s techniques, they might be helpful to you.

    I wish you peace and love.


  8.  #8Brenda on January 22, 2011 at 9:06 pm


    I feel completely resistant to your posts to me about Ryan. I feel totally misunderstood by you. I am completely shut down. Thanks anyway.

  9.  #9Brenda on January 22, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    Here is my latest profile, written for me as a surprise by a friend of mine!

    Je*sus is the most important thing in my life. I want to be all that He intended for me to be. I also want to share my life with a man who feels the same way. I am intelligent and deep, an excellent writer, have a good sense of humor, love to laugh, have a strong sense of play, and am outspoken. I am sensitive and expressive, and am an incurable romantic.
    I love animals and have 2 German shepherds and 4 cats. I like long talks, fellowship with Christians, writing, reading, the internet, watching good movies, going out to dinner, being outside, the beach, and adventuring.

  10.  #10Ella on January 23, 2011 at 3:15 am

    Hi Brenda

    “I noticed that Ryan seems to center on our conflict, rather than try to bring harmony between us. I have let go”.

    Maybe this one is a mirror for you?


  11.  #11Jennifer on January 23, 2011 at 5:19 am

    This has been the hardest week of my life. I think …………….

    On thursay we buried B’s nephew.
    the casket for an 11 year old is so small.
    I have the best friends in the world.
    B’s sister J didn’t have an outfit to wear…they are struggling financially. So a good friend of mine and I went to get one for her.
    My parent’s helped me buy her boots for the grave side service. I’m so luck to have this support.

    J insisted I go to the family portion of the viewing. I tried to tell her it wasn’t necessary that I could go to the public viewing…she insisted. I felt a little uncomfortable, but didn’t want to argue with her. She put me in the obituary, again I protested but she insisted and I didn’t want to argue with her too much.

    I came to the viewing with the coffee she and her husband asked for.
    As I walked in the door. There was a laptop with a montage and music of the little guy. I just started to bawl.
    Aunt H came over and hugged me. I just stood there trying to get my sh*t together so I could go to the front to see little guy.
    B came by. He looked at me and mouthed the words “I’ll be right back” and left.
    I pulled myself together a bit.
    I felt disappointed that he hadn’t spoken to me.
    I went to the front and just stood looking at little guy……weeping.
    B’s other nephew hugged me, and his sister and I hugged for a long time.
    His mother came up and rubbed my back.
    His father came over and hugged me and thanked me for my help and assured me they know I love the boys.
    I sat near the back.
    Various people came up to talk to me.
    None of them B.
    A friend of the family came and brought me to sit near the front.
    B studiously ignored me. Refusing to meet my eyes.

    The grave side service was hard too.
    Both parents weeping.
    The other brother who has asberger’s asking if little guy won’t be cold in the casket without a jacket.

    The reception was hard too.
    The brother with asberger’s asking all sorts of questions……to everyone.

    B refusing to meet my eyes.
    Walked right past me in the reception to get his coat and leave.

    Then J and her husband and son went to her parent’s house. They said I was welcome….I declined. I didn’t feel comfortable and I hadn’t been invited by the parents. I have had a contentious relationship with them up until that moment. The mother tends to drink at functions and say mean things. B wouldn’t even look at me. So I went home.

  12.  #12Jennifer on January 23, 2011 at 5:33 am

    He emailed me yesterday:Thank you for being there for my sister and getting her an outfit. M would never have done something like for her. Thank you for you email and your support. You could have come back to my parents house, they did ask if you were going to. They also commented on what you did for Jen and the help and support you give her.

    I had so much going on I didn’t get a chance to call or email you.

    I reply:
    I feel a lot of stuff right now.
    I feel so confused.
    I feel good getting your email.
    But it felt really bad when you didn’t speak to me at the funeral home. I know you were going through some stuff. But I still felt hurt.
    You are welcome for helping J. I am still following up with R and both. I am talking to *** from Service Agency to see that R especially gets all the supports he needs to help him understand what happened and adjust. A’s budget of care has been transferred to R for the next few months to make sure there is funding for whatever he needs.
    I feel bad seeing what you wrote about M.
    I know you don’t like him.
    I wish you could see him the way I do.
    He’s not perfect. But he loves his wife and he loves his kids. His heart is good. And it is broken.

    He replies.
    I am sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you. It wasn’t really the best place and time I guess. I know you don’t see M the same way I do. You see one side and I see another. I am not going to debate that issue.

    You could have come to the house after. There were many awkward situations in my parents house that day. It was the first time in twenty five years five of my grandparents kids were in the same house at the same time. I found out that my cousin lives in *** She moved here around the same time I did. She works for an organization that helps the troops.

    The last time me and my cousins S and M were together I was about fifteen. Now we are three old fat bald guys, well M still has hair but he is fatter. They have goatees but I am not allowed to have mine. Had it over Christmas and it is on my licence photo.

    We can keep the email going. If you want to meet we can work on that too.

    And Me….

    I feel unsure. It felt awful hardly speaking to you the last time we were in the same room. I feel confused and suspicious about you wanting to see me now.
    What do you think?
    I did not worry about there being an awkward moment at your parent’s house. I was worried that someone would say I did not belong.

    And Him:
    I was there for my family and I had quite a bit to do. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you. I didn’t know you wanted to talk. You didn’t approach me either. I didn’t mean to confuse you at all. What I meant about seeing you again was if we are in the same room again I hope the situation is better. If you want to talk we can.

    No one would have said you didn’t belong at my parents place. There were many people there who are not on speaking terms and were at opposite ends of the room. Everyone put their differences aside and were on their best behavior.

    Now my reply:
    wow. This feels terrible.
    This is not how I want to be talked to.
    Of course you were there for your family. I know that.
    I felt confused because when we met at the door by the sign in book you looked at me and said “I’ll be right back”.
    I didn’t approach you because I was giving you space to be with your family. I was waiting for you to come to me. Because that’s what I think “I’ll be right back” means.

    I feel so pissed right now.
    I feel like I could just scream.
    I feel so stressed.
    I feel so tired.
    I feel tight in my throat.
    This sucks.
    I am going to bed.

    Then I felt like I was using my anger as a shield and not being vunerable and wrote this:

    “there were many people there who are not on speaking terms” are we not on speaking terms?

    When I saw you in the doorway, it hit me how much I missed you. What I wanted to do was lean against you and cry. And cry and cry and cry. And have you put your arms around me.
    But I know you were there for your family. So I stayed back. But I couldn’t stop looking at you. And every time I did. I saw you looking away from me purposely. So I figured you were not going to come back.

    I did not want to stand in your parents basement having you avoid looking at me. It would have been too painful on top of the pain I already had. And I was worried (your mom) would have a couple of drinks and say something mean. Which I wouldn’t have been able to shake off. Since I was worried about all of theses things. I didn’t go. I also had not been invited. I think it would have been foolish on my part to assume I was invited in this situation.

    So Wow….I do know how to Fck a convo girls….don’t I?

    This is baby steps.

    I held my boundaries……….I do not want to be talked to like this.
    I managed to be vunerable.
    I was prolly too angry…….but ya know what?
    I love me.

    This week sucks.
    Sorry for spamming the blog

  13.  #13Brenda on January 23, 2011 at 7:15 am


    RE: #10 – No, not at all, not in my recent past. I was being more than positive with him, and he just kept dragging things back to conflict. And pulling and pushing me back and forth. It got too painful all over again, so I confronted him.

  14.  #14Jeannette on January 23, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Girls, I feel so insecure….yuk. Whenever my fiance doesn’t ask to come by I feel like he would rather be doing something else. I hate myself for that but, I know Steve likes space at times. I wonder why I’m not more like that. I see him 2-3 times a week. he lives about 30 minutes from me. I just feel like he should want to be around me more. Also, I get upset when he talks about a pretty actress. I feel like he should be telling me I’m pretty. Should I tell him that? Maybe I need to be with a man who is more sensitive to that. There are guys out there like that.

  15.  #15Jeannette on January 23, 2011 at 9:04 am

    Girls, I want to tell you about something that happened last night. When my fiance was here, we were eating a snack while watching TV. Once he was done, he started rubbing his hands together to remove crumbs and was doing it over a blanket we were under. I said, “I’d better shake the blanket.” once he was done and took it to my door and did it. He told me about a half hour later that he was getting a cramp in his lower leg that wouldn’t quit. He is subject to cramps because of his diabetes. Later I asked him how he thought it started. He said, “I noticed it when you opened the door and the cold draft came in.” Should I believe that to be true or was he insulted that I picked up the blanket to shake it after he dropped his snack crumbs? I hope this doesn’t sound silly but I want to know if you think I should say anything to him about it. Also, he needs to know, I’m not going to be perfect for him 100% of the time. He isn’t 100% for me…..Like he doesn’t take me out to eat….hardly ever. I may have more to be upset about then he does. Today he said he couldn’t come by…..said his cramps kept him up, which I am sure is true….but I hope that isn’t the only reason he didn’t come. If he’s upset with me, I want to know. Please read # 14 as well. I would like some insight on what to say OR should I just let it go.

  16.  #16Lorelei on January 23, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Jeanette – am I remembering rightly that you are the Siren with a fiance who is being treated for cancer . . or have I got this wrong?

  17.  #17Jeannette on January 23, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Lorelei, yes he has liver cancer. I know you’re going somewhere with this!

  18.  #18Lorelei on January 23, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Jeanette @ 17- I’m just remembering from a relative’s heavy chemo treatment that the body reacts in all kinds of ways because it takes such a battering – there is great discomfort all over, and weakness afterwards, but that cramps and pains all over can be one of many ways the body reacts.

    He noticed that it started at the time you opened the door. . . it’s hard to tell without knowing what tone of voice he said it in, but my feeling is you could probably let this one go . . . if you can. He may not have meant anything by it – just noticed that the door opening and the cramp were at the same time. Perhaps it was his way of just telling you when the cramp started.

    It feels as if you feel very sensitive to possible criticism . . . perhaps even when none is intended . . . and he may be feeling very sick still, and not be able to take much criticism himself at the moment.

    Or it may be that because he is recovering from the chemo, he may be more irritable/critical than usual . . or is he a very critical man anyway?

    If you can graciously let this one go, my feeling is that there might be more important issues to deal with, as he is still sick. Can you sleep on it, let it go another day, and then, if you still need to, perhaps feeling message it . .. e.g. (I’m not too good at this but I’ll try . .)

    “I feel worried to hear that your cramp is continuing . . . . I feel rather awkward about bringing this up, but I felt uncomfortable after you left yesterday, and want to check everything’s OK . . what do you think?”

    This leaves it wide open for him to mention if he was uncomfortable about anything, without assuming that you know that he was mad at you about the cold draught . .

    If he genuinely doesn’t seem to have a problem with anything that happened, if it was me, I would probably not go into feeling criticised . . unless to say “Sometimes I feel criticised, but I can’t always tell if it’s in me or from the other person.”

    Might there be a Nasty Voice here which is very critical of you anyway? Are you feeling very fragile because of his illness? Can you put into feeling messages – perhaps try them out here on the blog at first – how you feel about his illness, which the chemo may or may not have slowed down? How do you feel about the cancer? I haven’t read on here if he has had any tests and results about the effectiveness of the chemo, but I may have missed them.

  19.  #19Daria on January 23, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Brenda – how can I help you?

    The texts with ryan feel bad tovread. . It triggers me to hink bout my mom intruding and pressuring me.

    I feel weirrd that you seem not to see this dynamic. I feel confused like what do I do.

    It looks like ur very masculine energy pressing ryan and accusing him of doing stuff to u.

    This is how I feel about it 🙁

    And kinda helpless . I do not want to be treated the way ryan is treated in this.

    I feel cautious of getting close and feel safe w someone who doesnt seem to see yhat they pressuring and intruding on another.

    I want goid boundarues so I Can get close to my mom.

  20.  #20marina on January 23, 2011 at 10:38 am

    (((((Hugs))))) Jennifer!

    I think that it was sweet of you to take care of B’s nephews suit.

    I liked the way you were able to feel your feelings and used FM in your convo, esp. when you noticed your anger as a shield and what you really wanted.

    XXX, marina

  21.  #21Daria on January 23, 2011 at 10:46 am

    Yeah jennifer!

  22.  #22Lorelei on January 23, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Jennifer – this feels so sad, but your feeling messages are helping others in the family – the whole situation – as well as you. xx

  23.  #23Turtle Girl on January 23, 2011 at 11:07 am

    * absorbed
    * abusive
    * accepting
    * accommodating
    * accomplished
    * adaptable
    * adversarial
    * aggressive
    * agreeable
    * alert
    * altruistic
    * analytical
    * angry
    * annoyed
    * antagonistic
    * anxious
    * approved of
    * arrogant
    * ashamed
    * authentic
    * balanced
    * beautiful
    * belligerent
    * bereft
    * bitter
    * bored
    * brave
    * broken down
    * bullied
    * calm
    * chaotic
    * cheerful
    * cold
    * commanding
    * compassionate
    * competitive
    * complaining
    * conceited
    * condemned
    * confident
    * conflicted
    * confused
    * conservative
    * content
    * controlled
    * controlling
    * cooperative
    * courageous
    * cowardly
    * creative
    * critical
    * cruel
    * curious
    * defeated
    * deluded
    * demanding
    * dependent
    * depressed
    * desperate
    * destitute
    * destructive
    * detached
    * dignified
    * disconnected
    * discouraged
    * disgusted
    * dominated
    * dominating
    * eccentric
    * ecstatic
    * egocentric

    * egotistical
    * empathic
    * empowered
    * envious
    * erratic
    * excited
    * expressive
    * extroverted
    * fair
    * faithful
    * fearful
    * frightened
    * frustrated
    * glad
    * good
    * grateful
    * greedy
    * grieving
    * guilty
    * happy
    * harmonizing
    * hatred
    * helpful
    * helpless
    * hesitant
    * hopeless
    * idealistic
    * ignorant
    * impatient
    * important
    * impoverished
    * impulsive
    * indifferent
    * individualistic
    * inert
    * insecure
    * insensitive
    * inspired
    * in service
    * interested
    * intolerant
    * introspective
    * invulnerable
    * irresponsible
    * irritated
    * isolated
    * jealous
    * joyful
    * judged
    * judgmental
    * lazy
    * likable
    * lively
    * lonely
    * lost
    * loved
    * loving
    * mad
    * manipulated
    * manipulative
    * mediating
    * miserable
    * mistrusting
    * moody
    * moral
    * negative
    * noble
    * obsessed
    * open
    * panicked
    * paranoid

    * passionate
    * passive
    * peaceful
    * perfectionist
    * pitiful
    * pleased
    * poor
    * possessive
    * powerful
    * practical
    * preoccupied
    * procrastinating
    * proud
    * punished
    * punishing
    * purposeful
    * rage
    * reactionary
    * reclusive
    * rejected
    * rejoicing
    * repressed
    * resentful
    * resigned
    * resistant
    * responsible
    * ridiculous
    * righteous
    * ruthless
    * sad
    * sadistic
    * secretive
    * selfish
    * self-accepting
    * self-condemning
    * self-defeating
    * self-destructive
    * self-hatred
    * self-obsessed
    * self-pity
    * self-sabotaging
    * sensitive
    * serene
    * shamed
    * shut-down
    * shy
    * sorry
    * stable
    * stimulated
    * stricken
    * strung-out
    * stubborn
    * superior
    * tantrums
    * timid
    * tolerant
    * unconcerned
    * understanding
    * unforgiving
    * unhappy
    * unresponsive
    * untrusting
    * vain
    * vengeance
    * vicious
    * victimized
    * violent
    * visionary
    * well-meaning
    * wise
    * withdrawn
    * worthy

  24.  #24Turtle Girl on January 23, 2011 at 11:08 am

    This is not posting ????

  25.  #25Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    i’d like some support ladies ~ i had a situation with the guy i love where i realized i cannot be the rock star. i thought i could since i actually AM ONE LOL…and something happened that felt so bad to me i said it’s time to walk away. my feelings are too sensitive, i can’t take it.

    i was trying to wrap up some business and had to contact him about something i needed to know how we were gonna finish up. it was weird, at this point i was totally calm because i had already made up my mind and just mentioned yeah, because i’m not going to work with you anymore.

    he was stunned. apparently he did not get the message.

    we started having a “talk” and msg about why quite a bit and he said please reconsider and gave me all kinds reasons why and i just said look, it just depends on my feelings…i’ll check in with myself and see how i feel but this what happened and this is how i feel about it, i feel so disappointed and so sad. i just can’t take it anymore. i feel to sensitive, whether or why does not matter. i have to take care of my feelings.

    he said, “i love you ” and i stay away from you sometimes because i’m scared. the love goes so deep i feel scared.

    i said thank you for telling me and just plainly offered more of my real feelings and he was pretty floored. i said and i feel scared to tell you this! and he said don’t ever stop. and if anything else ever comes up tell me and i’ll do whatever i can to help you feel better.

    i’m sure everything will work out…i feel heard and i feel like he was able to connect with me on a feeling level, which is what he has been dying for. and i feel safe, most of all, so i feel like regardless of what little stupid things come up. i know he cares how i feel now…that he cares about it more than anything.

    it was a little messy at times, i’m learning and teaching him at the same time,but i think the intention came through. i just gotta keep practicing.

  26.  #26Leo on January 23, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Oh geez…
    This was a crazy and awkward weekend. I was at my Man’s and it started of good and I tried staying in MY mood and not letting me drag myself into his bad mood when occuring.
    I didnt do so good with that… We are both really stressed for the past half a year and with that he aint happy with himself, i aint happy with myself (although getting better) – so we aint being happy together…
    And I missed him being affectionate…wanting me.
    So this weekend it wasnt much better, and, in addition, he slept really really bad which makes his mood grow even worse and more stressed.

    So earlier he sent me a textmessage saying how sorry he was for this bad day, for he kinda slept all day and till the afternoon (when had enough sleep) was in a bad mood.
    Today I was doing great, I really was. When yesterday I was struggling with making myself happy, not longing for him to do so, today I did so great. I just took a walk when he was sleeping, but left a nice note for i didnt have a grudge, and left and enjoyed it so much. I went to the bakery and did think of him to. I wasnt a bitch with paybacks, and not playing nice, but I FELT good, so I acted that way.

    In his text he wrote how he wants to care more for me again, and I wrote back that I that would feel great. Then when IM-texting we were talking about whats hard for him and for me (trying to stay in feeling messages).
    I reread it afterwards and I think I did good.
    I know this wasnt talking on the phone or even better in person. But it was better than keeping quiet. I was honest and told him why I felt this or that way during the weekend and how I was able to handle today for myself. It felt so great. He got what I was saying for it was in feeling messages.
    And when we were almost done with that “talk” I mentioned how great it felt when he pulled me into his arms and kissed me deeply yesterday on the escelator. And the said that it felt good to him, too, and that also this was what he meant by him trying to take better care of me.

    I feel so strong right now.
    And I feel proud of myself for what I did today, how I handled the situation today. Also that I left today after dinner, not for I know he needs/wants his time, but for ME, for I dont want to feel sad or upset, staying there.

    This felt like a big step back on track in the right direction for us.
    I feel great for being able to tell him how i felt and feel (even if it was “just” writing( this is my nasty voice telling me 😀 )

    I hope what I wrote is somewhat in order and understandable. It felt so great typing it ^^

  27.  #27Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    OK now i have a stupid question…i’m wondering if i should email him and thank him for listening to me that i feel really good about it or just lean back now.

    i think i’ll just lean back…we got really close last night…he told me being with me was all he ever wanted but he feels so scared now (my fault, crazy year last year). but at least we’re making progress, i guess.

  28.  #28Nancy on January 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Soul Sista,

    Is this as exciting as I think it is? Is this the guy you’ve been missing and thought it was over with? I feel a little confused, but if this is him… woohoo! I feel so happy for you!
    It sounds like you did a great job with your FMs and that you really connected emotionally with his heart.
    I wonder what Rori would have to say about this door he has opened, how the love runs so deep that he gets scared and what you can do to help yourself and him feel safer… seems that if you’re taking care of you and your boundaries, that would do it.
    Wow, I feel excited for you!

  29.  #29Jennifer on January 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    Daria says
    Yeah Jennifer?
    Cause I feel like I Fcked it.

  30.  #30Femininewoman on January 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Re 13 Brenda If you would allow me I would say that my impression was not the same as yours. He seemed to have been suggesting that he was uncomfortable with your line of conversation and might have just wanted to change it. It felt to me like he was trying to run away and might have felt respected if you had acknowledged what he said. In my humble opinion you asked what he think, then when he told you the response you gave seemed to suggest his thinking was flawed. As Rori says it is innocuous, but I sensed. My suggestion would be to put yourself in his shoe to see if you could possibly understand what he is experiencing. Christian Carter says that communication is the “response” we get. Please don’t take this as a judgement or nitpicking I am just curious to know if you would be open to looking at it from an outsiders perspective.

  31.  #31Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    nancy ~ yes. it is him. it’s weird how this all came down through some total bullsh*t that i had a misunderstanding over…it’s still shaky because he ended up kind of exasperated but i was being so honest about my feelings and i have to get over something.

    i have this awful thing about Facebook and him…i take it real personally and it pisses him off, royally. i only have it with him and i don’t want it anymore. he blocked me but i still can see things that are going on and i always take things the wrong way and my feelings end up hurt.

    honestly, the incident is over but i want to stay really aware about my tendency to jump to conclusions, actually, not just on FB, and continue to learn how to express my feelings to him and communicate. this is the BIG thing that is keeping us apart. i wish i would have come here with the issue first.

    at least i have a taste of expressing my feelings and i can build from that. CD’ng isn’t going to help with this…i need to heal this some other way. i don’t want other men around me right now. plus, i’ve got some career stuff i wanna focus on.

  32.  #32Brenda on January 23, 2011 at 1:21 pm


    What I said before… you don’t sound like you are in love. In several ways, it seems like a very shaky way to start out a marriage.

    As for your incident with the blanket, I would have just said a brief feeling message at the moment of irritation, like, “I feel irritated seeing crumbs being shaken onto the blanket.” What you did was fine, too. You said the same thing with your actions.

    To heck with it if he doesn’t like what you did. You didn’t like what HE did.

  33.  #33Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    brenda & fem ~ yeah, one thing that i got from my conversation with my guy last night is i immediately put myself in his shoes and was able to see his perspective. it was hard and i did apologize and even told him i felt pretty dumb.

    learning how to own my feelings without somehow blaming him is hard. but i have to do it.

  34.  #34Femininewoman on January 23, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    Re 17 Jeannette I tend to agree with Lorelei’s assessment of the situation. While reading what you wrote what jumped at me was that it seems you had a lot of stories around the incident and remember an article written by Rori’s husband about just speaking the facts and dropping the stories. While reading I also felt that he is human and will not be able to always meet the need so he needs space to be human, make mistakes, be forgiven and then start over. This before I realized how ill he really is in Lorelei’s post. I would recommend revisiting your commitment to the relationship to see if you are really up to all the challenges it might bring.

  35.  #35Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    i sent him an email. he’s been saying lately he feels me in his “tummy” whether it’s good or bad…so cute…obviously we’re shooting for the good.

    i just gave him some of his favorite words: “hope your tummy feels good today…i love you…kiss on the’re the best 🙂 xoxoxoxo”

  36.  #36Brenda on January 23, 2011 at 1:31 pm


    RE: #19 – I appreciate your gentle feedback.

    I guess what you all don’t know is that, in the past, Ryan welcomed me to try to find help for him for the schizophrenia.

  37.  #37Femininewoman on January 23, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Re 26 Soul Sista Remember guys get scared too. Love is scary, it is a strong emotion and most guys don’t know what to do with strong emotions. However, Christian Carter says commitment is a process in growth. It is in the difficult times that a lot of learning can take place. I know Rori teaches that we can have what we want but sometimes I feel like we think that it comes in quick fixes rather than a process of trial and errors, mistakes and forgiveness. I believe that life is not perfect and when a man can actually admit that he is scared we can help by expressing appreciation for the sharing and admiting that we feel the same way to so we understand. I would go for blurting out what I want to say but on the phone. I would hasten to say though that you have to be mentally and emotionally be in the place where you are not attached to any particular outcome. I also feel like leaning back might be a great idea as your communication might not be received the way you want it to, unless the timing is right.

  38.  #38Femininewoman on January 23, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    RE 34 Soul Sista according to Gay Hendricks we feel fear in our stomachs. I am guessing he is feeling fear of losing you, fear of making you unhappy. I would suggest finding ways of letting him know “it would make me happy if……………..”

  39.  #39Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    fem ~ that’s what i was experiencing last night…it was a growth thing…it felt good for the most part but what ended up was an old issue with us of jealousy and trust because of the way he used to behave when we first met.

    he really stuck in with me to and let me know that he was not happy that i would actually walk away from our work because of something i was perceiving that wasn’t true, then i was like oh f**k now we just went backwards.

    but, what i learned is what i need to let go of. he has changed and even went so far as to say he’s not even FB friends with this person (a groupie) and was just in a heated conversation with another musician on someone else’s page and i just happened to stumble upon it…this happens a lot of FB, musician fights.

    he did say he understood tho and that i was having a normal response, he said that…i felt really loved and validated by that. he just couldn’t understand why i would stop working with him over it.

    that’s why i sent him the little message right now. we talked earlier in the night about hearts and love and he said LOVE FIRST ALWAYS – then blood pumping 🙂 so, i wanted my last thing he remembers from me until we talk again to be about love.

  40.  #40Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    RE 37 i know he is terrified of making me unhappy…he’s pretty simple and i know what he likes…he likes me to be loving and kind and say sweet and loving things to him…he hasn’t done anything wrong…he wants just to know i’m happy and for me to show it.

  41.  #41Femininewoman on January 23, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Re 38 I guess I to a certain extent agree with him. The relationship should not always be on the line because of disagreements. I just lost a comment where I was telling you to try to avoid the there “C”s control, criticism and complain, guys hate them. With the FB think it seemed like control to me from what you wrote. Also when sharing negative FM try to sandwich them “I remember how great/loved/cherished I felt the other day when you…………..” then add the negative feeling afterward. Also what I have learnt is to say “it would make me really happy if you would ……………..” but make sure you don’t get made if it doesn’t happen or even remind him if he forgets. If he forgets just say it again at another opportune time as if it is the first time you are saying “it would really make me happy if”…………….. Watch the tone and the attitude that is what is heard more often than the words. Guys are very sensitive to us when we are angry though we might say otherwise.

  42.  #42Femininewoman on January 23, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Re 38 I guess I to a certain extent agree with him. The relationship should not always be on the line because of disagreements. I just lost a comment where I was telling you to try to avoid the there “C”s control, criticism and complain, guys hate them. With the FB think it seemed like control to me from what you wrote. Also when sharing negative FM try to sandwich them “I remember how great/loved/cherished I felt the other day when you…………..” then add the negative feeling afterward. Also what I have learnt is to say “it would make me really happy if you would ……………..” but make sure you don’t get made if it doesn’t happen or even remind him if he forgets. If he forgets just say it again at another opportune time as if it is the first time you are saying “it would really make me happy if”…………….. Watch the tone and the attitude that is what is heard more often than the words. Guys are very sensitive to us when we are angry though we might say otherwise.

  43.  #43Femininewoman on January 23, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Re SS you should show the same level of intensity to his kindness that you show to his quirks.

  44.  #44Jeannette on January 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Girls, I want to thank you for all your input. I think I am angry right now….not at Steve, I am angry that his cancer is not going away. Now they are going to try a liver transplant. He is insulin diabetic and has had a heart attack in the past. I think I am scared. I think I am scared that he may not make it. I am scared that he makes very little in disability and will I have to work the rest of my life. I don’t mind, but my work is very hard. I give massages to the very sick, brain injured and spinal cord injured. I look at the potential of death every day. It’s just very very hard. Please don’t think I am shallow. My daughter said I just need to take care of myself.

  45.  #45Pamelala on January 23, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    I’m new here and, I’m not sure if anyone has asked before, and don’t really know where to ask or find the answer, but I’m wondering if there is a Rori Raye forum somewhere. I’m feeling lost and confused by the various conversations happening via blog comments. The everchanging topics make my head hurt and the fact that they are not searchable is frustrating. I’m excited by finding a lot of great information by browsing…but that fact that it takes hours of searching to find what I’m looking for feels aggrivating and kind of hopeless. If you’ve been here a while…how do you manage it? Any hints?

  46.  #46Femininewoman on January 23, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Re 27 Nancy and Soul Sista I understand that just lowering your voice can help the man feel safe. The feminine energy is also calming and the lowered voice is calming regardless of what we are saying as long as our attitude or look on our face is not saying something else.

  47.  #47Femininewoman on January 23, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Re 43 Jeannette I see it as you looking at the reality of the situation. It is quite normal to be scared. I take your daughters advice as something like prayer or meditation to clear your head and reduce the stress.

  48.  #48Brenda on January 23, 2011 at 2:11 pm


    RE: #43 – You are engaged to a man with a serious illness. I think of you as very brave, strong, and selfless. Hardly shallow!

    A transplant may be his only hope. I know someone who was on the verge of death, when finally his name came up for a kidney transplant. The man has his life back!! I understand there are risks. That’s where faith comes in!

  49.  #49Brenda on January 23, 2011 at 2:16 pm


    I understand it’s not cool that I initiated. But my initiation was for the purpose of helping HIM. I didn’t expect a reply.

    He replied hours later. After that, I just responded. And what I am responding out of is that in the last month, he has been leading me on and then pushing me away all over again, just like he did in our relationship.

  50.  #50Brenda on January 23, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    He has been giving me opposite messages on about a weekly basis. He gave me opposite messages in our relationship.

    It should not be a surprise that I honestly feel confused. 🙁

  51.  #51Pamelala on January 23, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Is it never, ever, ever ok to initiate? A guy I’m seeing offered to help me out yesterday by giving me a ride from and to the mechanic because my car was having issues. He stayed the afternoon while we waited to hear that the car was ready and bought us lunch. I would like to send him and e-card to say “Thank you so much for helping me out yesterday. I felt cared for and was happy to see you. My heart was glad, too, to hear of the good things happening for you last week and hope that the blessings continue in the coming week.” Is that pushing it? Thanks for your input.

    Also, I’d like to offer you all some encouragement and kudos for all that you’re going through and the positive steps you are taking toward finding the relationship that is waiting for you. Once I get a hang of this, I’ll be able to keep you all straight and offer something more personal. I think I might need to keep a notepad next to my chair!


  52.  #52Jeannette on January 23, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Brenda and Femininewoman, thanks so much for your supportive words. I’m strung out with stress and I guess sometimes it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will meditate and pray more. My daughter says I work too hard. I actually have 2 jobs to stay afloat. I have to go with Steve to the hosp. and take a class on liver transplants. So I have to make the time up to one of the companies I work for. I wish the days had more hours to do all this. I don’t mean to complain, maybe just a little weary.

  53.  #53Lucy on January 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    Jennifer, thank you for sharing your funeral story. You probably don’t realize the deep simple beauty of what you wrote. <3

    I don't remember exactly — is B your ex-h, ex-bf….?

    Love and hugs,

  54.  #54Femininewoman on January 23, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Re 49 Yes try both, don’t lose yourself in the relationship. Take some me time pamper and take care of yourself, even if it means spending more time in the bathtub by taking baths instead of showers and do your meditation/prayer there. It would make no sense if both of you were sick.

  55.  #55Lucy on January 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Fb college guy flaked on me again. We were going to see a movie today but his son sprung on him a last minute school project he needed help with. He has full custody of his three kids.

    He calls me such sweet thrilling names that I think he could win me over just with that if there’s any chemistry at all when we finally get together.

    Some of the names are based on a literary character that I remind him of — and it makes me feel like he “gets me.”


  56.  #56Jennifer on January 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    hey Lucy.
    B is my ex bf. We were together for 6 years and lived together for two of those.

    Thanks for your comment about the simple beauty. I don’t see it, of course. But it feels nice to hear.

  57.  #57Lucy on January 23, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Hi Brenda. Are you going to church tonight? If you see anyone I met, tell them I said hi. 🙂

  58.  #58Lorelei on January 23, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Jeanette @ 43

    It feels good to hear your feelings about S’s cancer – might it help, do you think, to riff it all out more, either on here, or writing on your own, or saying it out loud. Anger and fear can be frightening to feel in themselves . . but they can seem so much worse than they are when we try to be ‘strong’ and ignore them. . . it is such a difficult situation you are in here, we try to be strong for the sick person, for every one, we try not to get upset in case it upsets the sick partner . . . we want to make things good for them . . .hang in there . . .

  59.  #59Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    fem 41 & 42 ~ thank you. i feel like i’ve blown it again. he did say it felt like control and it didn’t make him feel loved.

    this is so hard…why did i have to bring that up to HIM. things were going so well.

    but, the point i was trying to make is that i was having a hard time…i did not want to control his behavior, i just didn’t want to deal with my own internal reactions, i wanted to remove myself because i wasn’t getting better about it.

    of course, then in the course of talking he told me how he felt about me again, how much he loved me, etc. i was still really upset, tho, and felt i needed to let him know why. i should not have done that. why is this so damn hard?

    jealousy is not good. i’ve never been jealous before. how do i get rid of it with him in mind?

  60.  #60Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    and the thing is i had not even been thinking about him much right before this…then i got triggered.

  61.  #61Lorelei on January 23, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Lucy @ 52

    Oh bummer that FB college guy flaked on you – how disappointing. I like the sound of a man who could win you with literary allusions . . . sounds great. I want one too!! Tell us more, as it unfolds.

  62.  #62Lucy on January 23, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Thanks, Lorelei, I’ll keep you posted. 🙂

  63.  #63Jennifer on January 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    I just realized I forgot to add “what do you think” to my last email to B.
    Ah well.
    Que sera sera……I think.

  64.  #64Jeannette on January 23, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Lorelei, Sometimes I feel like I try to much to be everything to everybody. I screwed up 10 years ago when I left my husband of 27 years. I have 5 grown children with him. Now I feel like a looser so I try to be everything to everybody. I even feel like my kids want to be with their dad more than me. I have insecurity issues. I feel like I can’t get my life back on track. Life is all about choices. I used to feel so strong, I think I am still a strong woman but I don’t take care for myself like I should. Now it’s about making things up and trying to be strong and perfect for others.

  65.  #65Lucy on January 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    J is jumping through all kinds of hoops to move money around to take care of my debts and fix everything up so we can divorce peacefully. He even said he’s gonna pay off the Outback for me and transfer the title to my name.

    I am finding that it feels good, natural, and easy to “give back” (waterwheel). I was never a big giver in relationships with men — not at all. But it seems like I’m finally receiving enough that now it feels good to give back a little —

    He came to the house yesterday to pick up our son to go snowboarding — and I told him something was wrong with the furnace and we had no heat. He went to the basement and fiddled around with stuff, and soon the temp was rising.

    I thanked him sweetly and sincerely — and fixed him a cup of coffee!!! Hehe. I never serve men coffee! But it felt good to do it this time — he has been giving a lot to me without my having to beg or anything.

    Coffee, thank you, and a smile. 🙂 He’s lovin’ it too.

  66.  #66Jennifer on January 23, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Honey… look like a mirror for me. I wanna be all things to all people too.
    Just remember Rori’s rule.
    No kickin yer own a$$.

  67.  #67Jeannette on January 23, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Jennifer, well one thing I have learned for sure….no matter how hard we try we can’t change the past. But, I sure can make for a better future. I am just trying to be good, kind, humble, teachable, when I leave this world I hope that others may have good thoughts of me.

  68.  #68Lucy on January 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Hehe, sweet email from a new guy – starts — “I’ve read your profile five times, I love it, makes me smile each time. We enjoy a lot of the same things (except I personally don’t put on glittery nail polish)…” Hehe.

  69.  #69Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    now i feel confused. what this is all really triggering for me with this guy is when he kept canceling on me to 4 months. i thought i was over that until the stupid FB thing and all the hurt came flooding back.

    he says, let’s keep working on music together even though we can’t be together right now…we should be so grateful to have such an amazing chemistry with music. because he works 7 days a week producing our music and that’s just the way it is right now he can’t leave NYC.

    it’s not fair…he can’t step up. i’m just trying to deal with it. it hurts.

  70.  #70Nancy on January 23, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    @ Soul Sista’s 66

    I’m confused. When he said “let’s work on music, though we can’t be together right now” did he mean together physically because he’s in NYC or did he mean in a relationship?

    Also confused about “he kept cancelling on my to 4 months”

    @ 56 But, as far as the jealousy… I use FMs: “I feel nervous that this means you’ll prefer someone else and leave” “I’m feeling scared that you may change your mind about me” Usually, I get reassurancd. Or you can say “I’d like some reassurance…” I feel SO vulnerable saying these things. Jealousy and deep insecurity make me want to stick my head in the sand or run for the hills, but they’re a normal part of our emotional repertoire as people. And if I don’t say it, it explodes out of me in a destructive way at some point down the line. Now, it’s different if he’s actually crossing boundaries and I know it. If my jealousy is coming from reality based actions of his, that’s another story and I have to take another look at whether I want to remain connected to him. Probably not.

  71.  #71Nancy on January 23, 2011 at 4:46 pm


    I feel so good about how you were there for that family during their grief. I think your actions were just so lovely and caring. I’m sorry B wasn’t there for you and I support your feelings around that.

  72.  #72Nancy on January 23, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    @Fem’s 44

    Thanks for these great reminders. I need to stew in them for a long time… lol. I really tend to become explosive, I don’t mean in an abusive way, but in a way I now know men feel threatened or shut down by. I’m going to practice re-living tense situations I’ve been in with them and rewiring myself by saying the new words in a calm tone of voice. My current way obviously isn’t working.
    When I feel emotionally threatened with loss, it is so hard to remember that he is feeling the same thing and that, as Christian says, they have a much harder time with conflict than we do. They have an intense physiologic reaction, can’t cope and shut down, often followed by withdrawl. This, combined with my intense body reactions (which raise my voice from 1 to 2500 decibels in 2 seconds flat, and blur my brain so I don’t remember the Tools) is a volatile and nasty combination. I really want to get anchored in the tools and practice for the intense moments when I feel scared of separation. I want to learn to just say, “I feel terrified of losing our connection.” “I feel so scared right now.” “I feel so bad, like I could lose you” “I feel afraid to say or do anything.” Those are the true feelings beneath my reactions.

  73.  #73Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    i feel better…it’s not the end of the world and we worked it through. i’m just gonna lean back now.

  74.  #74Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    nancy ~ 67, last year in the begining of the year he was supposed to come see me but canceled each month.

    because i was not using the tools at the time i exploded and ended up sleeping with another guy really drunk (like passed out, it was so stupid). we agreed that we were exclusive and it ripped his heart out.

    he has not done anything bad to me other than not show up. when we first met he was a total player and he has comepletly changed. i tried out the LDR thing and i didn’t have the tools to communicate like i should have the 2nd time he canceled.

    we continued to work long distance and are an amazing team. he just can’t step up right now and works all the time. now he tells me he’s scared so i knew it wasn’t just work and stuff. i can work with that.

    i have not met anyone that i have wanted to share the rest of my life with in my whole life, i’m 43. i was a female “player” and had given up on finding love. it is an amazing feeling.

  75.  #75Soul Sista on January 23, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    nancy ~ 67, last year in the begining of the year he was supposed to come see me but canceled each month.

    because i was not using the tools at the time i exploded and ended up sleeping with another guy. we agreed that we were exclusive and it ripped his heart out.

    he has not done anything bad to me other than not show up. when we first met he was a total player and he has comepletly changed. i tried out the LDR thing and i didn’t have the tools to communicate like i should have the 2nd time he canceled.

    we continued to work long distance and are an amazing team. he just can’t step up right now and works all the time. now he tells me he’s scared so i knew it wasn’t just work and stuff. i can work with that.

    i have not met anyone that i have wanted to share the rest of my life with in my whole life, i’m 43. i was a female “player” and had given up on finding love. it is an amazing feeling.

  76.  #76Brenda on January 23, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    I have some good news about Ryan! Finally! I feel so happy right now!

    This thing was eating me up alive, and, yes, I texted him. I included times because a lot of this was spaced out throughout the day. I have slowed down my communication that much to really be able to think things through and not be so impulsive. I borrowed some of Rori’s verbiage for this first text:

    1:45 am – B: FYI, I was talking about an ongoing pattern of going hot and cold, coming and going, loving me then withdrawing. I felt a disconnect there. I cherish you.

    2: 00 pm – R: I don’t find any value talking to you about the situation. You don’t believe my point of view and your erroneous point of view is so deeply lodged, I see no hope of you listening and I just want to walk away.

    3:50 pm – B: A rose by any other name is still a rose.

    4:00 pm – R: Just leave me alone.

    4:05 pm – B:That feels bad to hear. I was simply responding to your text.

    4:10 pm – R: I’ve been trying to get you to leave me alone for some time now.

    6:40 pm – B: Yet you keep extending friendship and calling me. Is it any wonder I’m confused? Or did I imagine that, too?

    6:45 pm – R: Well, I’m concerned about how you’re going to take it, so I keep calling to check up on you.

    I could think of nothing to say. I didn’t want to say “thank you”, because that would just be rewarding his on again-off again behavior. So I decided to just let it drop (can you believe it?? Me not having the last word?? 😆 ).

    8:35 pm – Ryan called me and I was in church so didn’t pick up. He left no message.

    9:10 pm – R: What are you doing?

    9:11 pm – B: I just got out of church.

    9:13 pm – R: Do you want to talk?

    I called him, and we talked for 40 minutes!

    He said, “I just don’t see trying to work it out because we have two different viewpoints on what happened.”

    B: “I’m at peace with it. I just keep trying to work it out because it seems to be an issue for you. I’m willing to just let it drop.”

    R: “You said we could just have a fresh start to our friendship?”

    B: “Yeah.”

    R: “And not that it didn’t happen but just leave it in the past and just start fresh, right?”

    B: “Yeah. I mean, I’ve already told you I know I have really shaky relational skills. I didn’t mean to come across as pressuring or crossing your boundaries. I’ve been working so hard on social skills yet I just can’t seem to get it. But I’m really trying. ”

    R: “We could do that. I’d like to start fresh. I think people are too hard on you for your social skills. You have such a beautiful heart, and that far outweighs the social mistakes you make. I think people should just take it easy on you and give you space to grow.”

    B: I got tears in my eyes, and I said, “Thank you, Ryan! That means a lot to me!”

    R: “You’re welcome. So you want to have a fresh start on our friendship?”

    B: “That would feel nice. But I mean, only if you want to.”

    R: “Yeah, I’d like to. So how was church? What did they talk about?”

    We talked on a spiritual level for most of the conversation, and it was just like it used to be!! Except in addition to asking me questions, he had a lot to say, about how beautiful creation is and how someday everything will be perfect again! It was very, very positive, and I just sat there in the car with my head leaned back with tears in my eyes most of the time while we talked! He asked me more about getting help from my church, and he said he will think about it.

    I truly believe he has been testing me, to see what was in my heart, and to see if I would turn on him and be nasty if he ended the friendship. I feel so happy!

    Thanks again everyone for your support. It’s been some complex stuff, but this was a major breakthrough! 🙂

  77.  #77archerie on January 23, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    Soul Sista ,

    I am still confused .
    I thought this guy and you had not ever met in person or actually dated and it was in fact all long distance calls etc . I think I got That all wrong !

    I thought this was an imaginary relationship a la Rori and I obviously missed vital infornation. I thought you had given him up as he was an “Imaginary” partner – Sorry I really feel stupid here !

    How long is it since you were co-located?
    Why are you not together anymore ? Did one of you choose to leave and move away?

    Are you both motivated to Reconnect in physical sense?

    Sorry I have obviously got it all wrong.

  78.  #78archerie on January 23, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    I feel yuuuk.
    I feel like venting pain and anger and hurt..just riffing…

    My tooth is aching after the dentist –uuugh.
    I am noticing lots of sad thoughts and sad feelings .
    I am stop -signing myself.

    I have no good reason like Jeannette or Jennifer to feel sad or fearful . I just do.

    I am 9 weeks after my surgery now. I wonder if the stress and shock is finally catching up , and the fear
    of having to go through that sort of thing again without a partner to support me?

    It was very traumatic having to try and get through it (cancer , sudden diagnosis , 9 hour surgery, long recovery , worry about the future ) while shielding my sons and my elderly mother as best I could. I did my best . They did their best .

    But I so want and need someone to lean on for a while .

    I am so tired of hospitals and needles , sweating all night, pills and potions, acupuncture, dentists ,more surgery to follow .. I need to lick my wounds.
    \My body is hugely scarred. I put the oil on daily , i juice veges and eat fresh fish .

    All I want is someone to wrap me up and take care of me.

    I feel mutilated.
    I feel ugly.
    I feel lonely.
    I feel stuck and having problems moving forward.

    I feel anger towards G-man, anger, sadness, disappointment , disillusionment.
    And towards old school BF . Both of them stepped up to support me in hospital and after and then both of them dumped me suddenly and ran away.

    G- Man used me for sex, in my scarred, sick, pitiful state, then dumped me .

    I am angry they came near me. I didnt ask them to.
    I was too ill and weak to know what to do for my good.

    The other one used me for support and counseling while I was recovering then told me he couldnt be friends any more because he was going back to his fiance and I was too much of a “threat”. Huh??
    I feel so very hurt.

    I feel embarrassed complaining.
    I cant appreciate the insurance money.I feel worried that i need to get working. I have lost perspective .

    I just feel scared and I dont know what to do next.

    Thats it for now.

  79.  #79Daria on January 24, 2011 at 12:04 am

    i just got back from a weekend long CD.

    I felt great and taken care of! NO incidents of really feeling bad!!!

    in fact, he was like practically kissing my FEET in public at the park

    and hes saying such sweet things

    he said hes never actually wanted to give to someone “just to make them happy” – he always had an alternative reason to start a relationship

    i tlaked to him about how i want my man to give to me Just to make me happy – either to him or to another CD i talked to

    and now here come these words

    hes now trying to spend all the time he can with me, and he is going to hurry and get an apartment so that i can be there with him

    he slept in bed with me twice and did Not pressure me for sex at all

    he came on the bus and train to get me, and came on the bus and train all teh way back

    he paid for all my stuff

    he did not complain

    he had low money but i saw him consistently providing for me and i got everything i wanted

    he wanted to meet my brother and introduced me to his cousin, who i got along with real well

    it was a really nice comforting CD and i got my stress to relax and i feel recharged emotionally


  80.  #80Daria on January 24, 2011 at 12:08 am

    Brenda – i feel so disappointed to hear that you think he has been testing you. it must feel awful to hold that thought!

    what i perceive is that suddenly something you said powerfully attracted Ryan – somehow your anger about your interpretation about him reaching out to you and pulling away seems to have come through and touched him in an authentic way –

  81.  #81Daria on January 24, 2011 at 12:09 am

    soul sista – “cd won’t help with that” – yes it WILL! that’s what its made for!

  82.  #82Tina on January 24, 2011 at 12:14 am

    hi Daria, 🙂 im standing on a kitchen chair with my laptop on top of the fridge , ill be online until i lose waht connection I have 🙂 I didnt celebrate xmas this year, i didnt buy any presents not because i couldnt just because i didnt want to i didnt put up a tree nothing, I feel good doing that

  83.  #83Tina on January 24, 2011 at 12:17 am

    I feel abandoned by my family , what i have left anyway. I feel fed up enough is enough, my mom cant take the heat then she better get the eff out of the kitchen grrrrrrrrr. if i say i hate my mom then does that mean im really just hating myself?

  84.  #84Tina on January 24, 2011 at 12:24 am

    i dont understand her desire to see me fall on my face, i really dont get it

  85.  #85Tina on January 24, 2011 at 12:27 am

    Dear mom, I hate you, or do i hate me ? either way I feel bad, I feel really bad, I dont like feeling bad. why do you hate me so much mom? why did you abandon me? I cant stop this feeling, i want this feeling to go away, i dont like it . I feel a lump in my throat, i c\ant swallow , I cant swallow my sandwich,

  86.  #86Tina on January 24, 2011 at 12:33 am

    i feel tears, i feel sad, blah, i dont like feeling sad. I feel tight in my throat, really tight, ugh, radiating dodwn to my lungs, my muscles in my chest feel sad, hurt ouch, i have a broken heart . Im standing onmy chair in the kitchen typing on top of my fridge and \I feel my heart is broken and wont ever heal or go away. mom i hate you

  87.  #87Tina on January 24, 2011 at 12:43 am

    \My knees are sore now, ef you too mom. you never showed me love either , i wish i was never born right now. ill never abandon myself but im still alone, we are alone, my little girl, im hugging my little girl MOM you B****, stay away from her!!!!!!

  88.  #88Tina on January 24, 2011 at 12:45 am

    |Your a evil rotten B***** leave my girl alone, Im going to hide her in my pocket and take her with me through the woods and keepher warm, im so sad i feel so sad but ill be strong for my little girl. She needs me now.

  89.  #89Tina on January 24, 2011 at 12:47 am

    Sobbing feels really crazy to me 🙂 I give up , Im not going to fight anymore. I love my feelings of hating my mother

  90.  #90Daria on January 24, 2011 at 1:01 am

    Tina I missed u

  91.  #91Tina on January 24, 2011 at 1:03 am

    im hanging on to this little piece of love , i found it and im going to keep it. i feel grieving, i feel grief burning in my lungs. I love my feelings of grief, I love my burning feeling in my right lung. Grief for the family |I lost , grief for feeling unloved, sad, alone, blah. i love my lump in my throat, my burning lump .

  92.  #92Tina on January 24, 2011 at 1:14 am

    Daria, I feel happy you are here, thank you. I dont know how much longer i can stand on this chair, leaning on my fridge and holding myself up so i can type and sob blah fckit! lol at least i have the fridge to hold me up . im going to see if i can fit on top without bumping my head on the ceiling 🙂

    Dear mom, I feel crazy, sobbing effin crazy ef you too btw.

  93.  #93Tina on January 24, 2011 at 1:37 am

    i feel cold, the iscles hanging down my rooftop feel cold, the isicles are huge HUGE , they look like swords dangling off the roof . sheets of ice , ice queen goddess hello there, how are you? im not making any sense but i feel ok about it, what do you think? ice queen goddess.

  94.  #94Leo on January 24, 2011 at 2:09 am

    I feel so relieved right now like i havent in days…
    I see my relationship with my Man finally moving forward again. I know he truly feels for me and loves me and that he knows he wasnt taking good care of me. He knows and feels sorry about it.
    I’ve missed him and feel exhausted trying not to let myself drag into his bad mood. I felt upset about this tension lying beneath the surface. Not always visible but always there.
    I’ve missed our easy-going relationship. How we just got along.
    Especially I missed being happy around him ALL the time!
    And I feel happy about the progress we made last night.
    And I just feel at peace with myself.
    I hope he will follow through with what he wants to do for I dont want to lose him but I will step/lean way back if he doesnt step up.

    I feel proud of myself getting better at feeling messages.
    He used to ask me 5 to 10 times “Whats up with you? Whats wrong?” when he felt something was wrong till I finally told him. No he might not get to ask at all or just once or twice.
    Prrroooouuud!!!! 🙂

  95.  #95archerie on January 24, 2011 at 2:25 am

    I feel proud of you too Leo!!!!!
    I t makes me feel hope that things will always get better.

  96.  #96Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 2:51 am


    RE: #77 – You said, “what i perceive is that suddenly something you said powerfully attracted Ryan – somehow your anger about your interpretation about him reaching out to you and pulling away seems to have come through and touched him in an authentic way -”

    I really hope you’re right. I feel very, very happy about his turnaround…yet…I feel mistrustful, because this has happened over and over. His unexplained warmth has happened before, always followed by pain when I feel like the wind was knocked out of me.

    My hope this time is that his voice and his subject matter (God) sounded very sincere. His voice is very melodic when it’s the real him talking. And it felt so healing to hear his sweet voice again!

    I am going to hold him at a friendship level in my heart.

  97.  #97Lorelei on January 24, 2011 at 2:52 am

    Dear archerie @ 75

    Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that you feel low today . . but I’m also not totally surprised given what your body and emotions and mind (all connected) have been through recently . . and sometime it all catches up with us, a big wave gathers, and and it all breaks over us again and knocks us flying. Even with minor surgeries, my body often goes in to a kind of shock sometimes that affects everything for a while, and you’ve been through something very major . .

    Is there something you can do to gently look after yourself – wrap yourself in something soft, have a warm scented bath, go for a massage, use nice moisturiser . . nurture yourself physically. Smell the roses, if there are any . .

    And RR’s Wave tool – let it all wash through you, shout, spit, yell, dance, or write it all out, the anger, the fear, the loneliness, the losses and sadness. These feelings will pass . . as they are loved and accepted . . . as part of what you have on board your ‘boat.’ But you are in charge of your boat, not these feelings . .

    Rori’s body compassion dialogues work well for me when I’m in a mixture of emotional/physical pain. . .
    Do you know them? – put your hand on the body part(s) where the pain or stress is located in tightness, tension, achiness, hardness or pain, and say how much you love it, how you are sorry for the pain it is bearing, how you appreciate it trying to help by taking some of the stress off you, you thank it for helping . . but “I am here now, it is OK to relax, I’m going to look after you now . . ” I’m just riffing this from memory, but it has helped me more times than I can remember.

    Hugs to you dear (((archerie)))

  98.  #98Lorelei on January 24, 2011 at 2:55 am

    Tina @ 79 onwards

    This feels terrible for you, but you are doing a great job in riffing it all out – keep going until the feelings begin to soften and change a bit . . so sorry to hear you are in such pain. . but keep going until all the waves have broken over you and the storm begins to pass . . . and it will. xx

  99.  #99Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 3:17 am


    You have been so brave and strong through your surgery, and I have felt amazed at your positive, fearless, other-centered attitude right in the midst of tremendous personal loss.

    I feel sad when I read how you just want to be held and cared for, and how I wish I could do that for you. I feel so angry and disgusted at the men who used you right at a time when they should have been there giving to you and serving you.

    I pray that God and the angels would hold you and surround you and give you peace and comfort.

    Love to you, Brenda

  100.  #100archerie on January 24, 2011 at 3:22 am

    Thank you so much Lorelei,

    Your kindness is so appreciated.
    Today I was talking to work colleagues about resuming work.
    I think this was the trigger for feeling so lost.

    Work for me is being the one people lean on. I am a professional care giver in a big way.
    I think facing the need to start work again soon just brought on a crisis of how I dont feel cared for,and feeling void of all the energy i need to have to give OUT.

    I am doing my best to care for myself, body , mind and soul. I feel like I am grieving now.

    I am feeling grief for lots of things I got wrong and lost.
    I am feeling kick my own a$$ grief ,
    Jennifer will not be pleased !

    Have you heard from Tea Man?

  101.  #101archerie on January 24, 2011 at 3:25 am

    Brenda you made me cry.

    I actually imagine the angels standing behind me and wrapping me up when it gets hard, like in hospital last week or at the dentist today.

    I think this ois overdue grieving.
    I have my doggie here to cuddle 🙂

  102.  #102Lorelei on January 24, 2011 at 3:40 am

    Archerie @ 97

    yes – it’s grief isn’t it – so many losses, the physical ones being the least of it, though connected to all the emotional ones . .

    I feel sure you know this anyway, but the waves of grief need to roll in, as you stand at the water’s edge, taking the hits from the little waves, and the big ones that knock you off your feet and roll you over . . just be able to face them and let them wash over and through is all you have to do . .

    Sending you love, even though only in a virtual way . . and I trust that the waterwheel is going to bring you all that you need. It does feel a little as if you are not quite ready to return to work . . can you hold off a little longer . . . can you ease in gradually and build up to working your full hours . . be gentle to yourself.

    And, on a different note . . Tea Man has been in touch a couple of times! He emailed asking to meet up again next week!! I posted this over on the Rosa Stop Sign thread yesterday. I waited and pondered before replying. Just sent my reply this morning, also on Rosa Stop Sign. In the end I felt best saying that until he is definitely separated and well into divorcing, it’s a no-go, but I left the door a little open for if/when he gets to that point. I feel unattached to the outcome. I probably go on a bit too long in my email to him (but what’s new?) but felt able to stay Siren-y and keep my boundaries. I’m not playing games with him – I meant what I said, as I really don’t want or need a relationship with someone who says they are separating, but hasn’t yet. All reactions welcome!

  103.  #103Lorelei on January 24, 2011 at 3:42 am

    And archerie, I’m so glad to hear your have your doggie to cuddle – I hope he/she knows they are channelling all of our love on here.

  104.  #104Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 3:43 am


    I’m glad you feel comfort. Also glad you have your doggie. I love my doggies, too. I have learned to give compassion to my weak parts. You are beautiful! And thanks again for helping me so much when I was in my crisis over Ryan!

    Love, Brenda

  105.  #105archerie on January 24, 2011 at 3:44 am

    Brenda, Ryan loves you as much as he can right now.
    He also knows he cant do love the way you deserve .
    He wants to start afresh as friends.

    I think you are very brave to take that on.
    I hope your heart has clicked into friend mode.

    You are a very loving person.

  106.  #106Miss Gina on January 24, 2011 at 3:44 am

    Im still numb with the C situation, i can’t get it out of my head. Ladies, i need help. He has officially called it off because his text said “It’s clear it didn’t work out between us…”. Why do i feel stupid thinking i can turn it back around? I didn’t answer to this text, i was so angry, i wanted to insult him but i just leaned back and decided instead to delete his number, his messages (including the ones i treasured when i meant everything to him). I cried when i did that, i feel depleted, depressed. I want to apply Law of attraction but i see no point. C doesn’t want me and he made it clear….can this be turned around?

  107.  #107archerie on January 24, 2011 at 3:50 am

    Brava Lorelei,

    Rosa and I both think that is so cool !

    You just Sirened your way through a tricky situation , and in your early days of singlehood too. E_WOW!

    I wish I had half your insight sand strength back then I still only have about a quarter!

    Thank you for reminding me of the wave images..

    Its easy to “know” it , but “feeling” it is so differnt!

  108.  #108Lorelei on January 24, 2011 at 3:52 am

    Hi Brenda

    Haven’t chatted recently, but I’m listening to the new happenings with Ryan . . you seem to have had a new energy on here recently . .

    Lots of love xxx

  109.  #109Lorelei on January 24, 2011 at 3:55 am

    Thanks archerie!! There is no way I would have had the faintest idea how to do this, or even that it needed doing, or could be done, without Rori,and without my Siren-sisters on here. No way, at all. Before, I would just have gone along with him . . So big THANK YOU, HEARTFELT THANK YOUs!!! And now I am open to being surprised!! x

  110.  #110Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 5:01 am


    I hope you will feel better today. I believe you “know” those feelings will pass but it’s hard to cope with them in the moments of “feeling” them.

    You probably know what to do but you are oh so right about perspective. It’s the perspective that gives us the energy and desire to “get on with it.” You’ll be getting that back soon.

    “…My body is hugely scarred. I put the oil on daily , i juice veges and eat fresh fish .
    I cant appreciate the insurance money. I have lost perspective…”

    I have lots of scars. Are you using an oil for that? Could you share what you are using and the application method? Thanks.

    Feel free to use me as a comparison if it would help you feel better. I don’t have insurance money, or medical leave money, or disabilty money, or unemployment compensation money. I left my part-time job in mid-summer 2010.

    So enjoy that money!!! No, it does not bring happiness. I am well aware of that but it can be very useful…

    You are not ugly. You are beautiful; I saw your pics!There are a lot of guys out there who would be happy to meet you and get to know you.

    So, archerie,,, you have lots to look forward to!

    I’m also having a “lost perspective” day probably due to time spent this weekend with wastrel who was on back of horse but somehow managed to sneak up front to ride with me. Down, down, you weenie weasel!!


  111.  #111Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 5:06 am

    Archerie and Lorelei,

    Thank you! Yes, I am keeping it to friend mode. That Stop Sign Tool really helped me make a serious shift, and I am in a better place with my feelings for Ryan.

    But having him really be a friend again last night definitely helped me have a new energy! Yes, I agree that he loves me as much as he can. I’ll just focus on enjoying his friendship.

    I woke up feeling excited this morning, and I feel ready to focus on my life even better, to get done things I need to do.

    Thanks for the encouragement!

  112.  #112Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Re 73 Brenda that was absolutely beautiful. I am so happy for you and am learning a lot from this. I am so touched my whole body is trembling and I am teary eyed. I really hope you keep learning and building those social skills. I also want to tell you that I am going to use your lines about a fresh start with a friend I recently pulled away from to see what happens. Thanks a million for sharing this. I really felt like you shared your heart both with him and with us. I know you say some of the lines were Rori’s but you did not have to be so vulnerable in front of us and I really appreciate it.

  113.  #113Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 6:48 am


    You’re welcome, and thank you for your heartfelt comments. I appreciate that. I also appreciate your deep wisdom.

  114.  #114Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 6:58 am


    Re: #76 – I feel happy for you that you had such a wonderful time with your date! I see you growing so fast, and won’t it be cool when we are all comparing wedding and honey moon notes! LOL!

    Everyone is invited to my wedding!!!!!! With whoever that turns out to be…. 😆

  115.  #115Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 7:33 am

    RE 110 Brenda that feels good. I will start visualizing that.

  116.  #116tinque on January 24, 2011 at 8:16 am

    “I have lots of scars. Are you using an oil for that? Could you share what you are using and the application method? Thanks.”

    SLV _ Helichrysum diluted in a carrier oil such as jojoba or sweet almond oil; grapeseed oil is another good one, applied twice a day works on even old scars. St. John’s Wort oil is also good. I make both of these. For myself I put the helichrysum right into the St. John’s Wort oil.

  117.  #117Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 8:26 am

    112: tinque says:
    “..SLV _ Helichrysum diluted in a carrier oil such as jojoba or sweet almond oil; grapeseed oil is another good one, applied twice a day works on even old scars. St. John’s Wort oil is also good. I make both of these. For myself I put the helichrysum right into the St. John’s Wort oil…”

    Thanks! I’ll give it a try.

    Where is good source for helichrysum (I’ve never heard of it) powder, tincture or how does it come? Also what portions are best…like a little recipe…


  118.  #118Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 8:57 am


    I found this and very interesting…

    General information on Helichrysum:

    In cosmetic manufacture it is important to keep in mind that Helichrysum is a strong herbaceous smelling plant, and some people shy away from formulating with it…

    The therapeutic properties are anti-allergenic, anti-inflammatory, astringent, as well as cytophylactic.

    The cytophylactic properties of this herb help to stimulate cellular regeneration and are therefore a boon for anti-aging skincare.

    It furthermore has good antioxidant qualities, which helps to reduce free-radical oxidative damage that can also lead to premature aging.

    In traditional medicine the plant is often used as wound dressing as its anti-microbial properties assists with wound healing. Clinical tests could not confirm that it stimulates primary human fibroblast.

    Anti-aging benefits of Helichrysum in skincare
    It has wonderful regenerating qualities and greatly helps with healing of scars, acne, dermatitis, stretch marks, boils and abscesses. The toning qualities are phenomenal and are used to perk up and bind loose hanging skin.

    It has a strong straw-like, fruity smell with a honey and tea undertone and the color can range from pale yellow to red.


  119.  #119Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 9:01 am

    “…St. John’s Wort oil is also good. I make both of these…”

    Do you sell these too or just make them for yourself?


  120.  #120Pamelala on January 24, 2011 at 9:12 am

    I would really like to connect with the women here, but every time I post a comment it disappears. That’s not really conducive to productive communication. I feel sad and invisible. Blah! ARGH

  121.  #121Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 9:15 am

    What if I’m “good enough” for me, but not “good enough” for the kinds of men I like?

  122.  #122Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 9:22 am


    “…What if I’m “good enough” for me…”

    Does that mean you’ll be dating yourself?


  123.  #123Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Apparently so, SLV. But I’d rather be dating a man.

  124.  #124Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 9:33 am


    Then that means you haven’t met a man who’s good enough for YOU yet! 🙂

  125.  #125Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 9:37 am

    Brenda, I’ve met some who were good enough for me, but I wasn’t good enough for them.

  126.  #126Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 9:42 am

    @120: Lucy says:
    “…Brenda, I’ve met some who were good enough for me, but I wasn’t good enough for them…”

    Lucy, what do you mean exactly when you say “wasn’t good enough for them.” Also, why do you think you were not. The weenie weasels didn’t say so did they??!!!!


  127.  #127Soul Sista on January 24, 2011 at 9:47 am

    hi ladies ~ since this is all about “me” this is what i’ve learned. i’ve known for sometime that i push away love but i didn’t know how to stop.

    to get even more specific, men make mistakes…they can do little things that seem like big things to us and what i’m learning is how to stay cool…no matter what. because, i’m also learning that if i stay cool…he figures out himself what he needs to correct without me telling him. now, if i just stay loving, what miracles could occur out of that?

    because what i learned is the guy i’m in love with WANTS to to the right things in the right way, always.

    i did tell him that i was talking to someone about my situation and that it was suggested that i date and that i have been doing that. i’m not looking for anything beyond that, if it actually happened that would be a miracle but in my heart i do not see it happening.

    i told him i thought about what he said about our work and how we’re spiritually connected and i do agree with him so i gave him my word i won’t bolt on him…it really is amazing. he asked me if we could be together again, through our music until we can be together in person…i’m not going to say outright yes but i’m not going to cut him out like i did last time either. god i hate going to extremes!

    i feel good, i feel like a grown up and i feel like a heart-centered loving woman and human being.

  128.  #128Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 9:49 am

    SLV, they didn’t say it in words, but you know, “actions speak louder.”

    I just didn’t measure up to what they wanted.

  129.  #129Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 9:52 am


    What I concluded is if we aren’t in synch then he just isn’t the right man. I believe there is one right man for me. And, if he doesn’t step up, that God will provide another ONE.

    All my dating years, which is over 30 years, I have had one man after another not step up who seemed to have no reason to pass me by, even when I was fit. I believe it’s because God was preserving me for one special man, who will be my match in every way! It will be worth the waiting!

  130.  #130Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 9:56 am


    I tend to feel “less than” when a man passes me by. But I try to tell myself, “he’s just not the ONE.” That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me. It just means he’s not the one.

    Don’t lose sight of your “all-thatness”! 😆

  131.  #131Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Brenda, that is exactly my point: I don’t feel “less than” — I feel good enough and I do feel “all-that” —

    but it’s not enough for ME to feel that way about myself —

    if a man doesn’t feel it.

    That’s what sucks.

  132.  #132Soul Sista on January 24, 2011 at 10:01 am

    oh, i think CD’ng is helping me to be compassionate with men and not shut them out…

    the guy i went to lunch with on saturday texted me and asked me, “do you find me attractive?”

    this is twice in a week a guy does this. it’s such a turn off, with the first guy i just said “we just met.” he apologized but kept getting squirelly on me so i nicely cut him loose by telling him i just want to be his friend.

    i said “i don’t think we have anything in common.” and he said “do you have any advice for me?” at first i said no..but then i said, “ok, the next time to take a woman out and you like her don’t ask her if she finds you attractive. find about what she likes by talking to her then plan a fun date doing something really fun. attraction grows through shared experiences.”

    he said, thank you! i blew it with you but i got some really good advice! LOL

  133.  #133Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 10:06 am


    I feel like I’m banging into a wall when I try to encourage you. 🙁

  134.  #134Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Brenda, I’m sorry you feel that way. It’s just that it was clear from what you wrote that you misunderstood what I was saying — therefore, I attempted to clarify.

    I appreciate your desire to encourage me.

  135.  #135Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 10:16 am


    If he were your perfect match made in heaven, doesn’t it follow that he would feel it? Maybe God has someone even better for you than you’ve ever met, and He’s saving you for THAT man!?

    What do you think/feel?

  136.  #136Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 10:24 am

    Brenda, I feel a bit nervous and reluctant to respond because I feel afraid of frustrating you. But since you asked me what I think/feel, I will answer.

    If those things are true, sure, that would be great. But I don’t believe they are necessarily true (might be, but might not be). Plenty of people end up alone and we can only speculate on why that is.

  137.  #137Summerbaby on January 24, 2011 at 10:27 am


    Just keep giving yourself lots of love. I started within the last few months telling myself all the things I longed to hear when I was young, being abused, and hurting. I imagined what it would be like if the adults around me had been capable of loving a little girl in a healthy manner.

    Something about that must have been what I needed, because I have now attracted a man that is consistent and caring and delighted with me. I began looking back at my young life and imagining how it would be different for me if *I* were my mother, and the young me confided in me. It’s been immensely freeing. I’ve shed a few tears both as the child and the adult and feel like I’ve become a whole new person as a result.

    The interesting thing is the quality of the relationships that have been coming my way since. Massive improvement all around and I am really happy about that.


    P.S. Brenda, the fresh start sounds awesome. I admire your tenacity.

  138.  #138Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Thanks for sharing, summerbaby.

  139.  #139tinque on January 24, 2011 at 10:35 am

    SLV – “helichrysum” it seems you already found some great information. it’s an essential oil which can be used undiluted on its own, but it’s strong smelling and can be irritating which is why I prefer to put it in a carrier oil.

    I also add it to the face drops I make along with numerous other skin tightening ingredients.

    Yes I do sell this, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about this here. You can find my e-mail via my site in the about me section.

    BTW another added benefit, on an emotional level it helps you tap into the unresolved ones.


  140.  #140Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Re 132 Brenda and Lucy I thank Brenda for expressing that because I ended up feeling that same way the other day but did not say it because I did not know how to express it. Now my sense is that Lucy is opinionated and am wondering if guys feel that also and get turned off by it? Just wondering….. Lucy if you would allow me please to comment I noted in 135 above you said “But I don’t believe they are necessarily true (might be, but might not be).” Life is not black and white or in other words you wrong, I am right is what I am learning. The comments seem to suggest that your worldview might be black and white with no gray areas. Just a thought again.. have you ever tried to accept someone else’s opinion as right at the same time you believe yours is right? It is something I have learnt to do; accept that both opinions are right because really there are only opinions. If there is a deadlock where we can’t move forward I will say that I believe that both positions are right now “can we look for a third option” that can work for everyone. This many times break a deadlock and leaves no one feeling insignificant. Saying “I don’t believe they are necessarily true” could come across as dismissive; as Rori says it is innocuous but the listener (maybe man) could unconsciously hear/feel that you are saying their thinking or analysis is flawed so you would not be an easy person to lead. I used to say “I don’t care what you think”, “I strongly disagree with you”. I don’t not know how to apprecite or acknowledge the other persons feelings or opinion. As a matter of fact I was so caught up in my own world when I was younger that it was as if the other person did not even exist. I believe this is what created many of my problems because as some say if that is the way I am in any relationship that is how I will be in “the relationship”. So now I try to pause, choose my words and be surprised rather than just react.

    Hope I make some sense here and that you accept it as my breakdown what you said to help myself in my own growth. I look for myself in many of what is written here, that has been my blind spot.

  141.  #141Turtle Girl on January 24, 2011 at 10:38 am

    So sweet Lucy girl-#127

    What is it exactly that these men wanted that you did not measure up to? I am curious what you think that is.


  142.  #142Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Femininewoman, I feel misunderstood and unheard.

  143.  #143Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 10:45 am

    I also feel a little angry about the assumptions being made.

  144.  #144Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 10:46 am

    Turtle Girl, I’m not sure exactly. I know one thing was my shellfish allergy… *sad little smile*

  145.  #145Summerbaby on January 24, 2011 at 11:03 am


    Perhaps when you see that you do not somehow measure up to them, you are valuing them more than they deserve? If you truly believe that you are enough, someone of value will also feel that.

    If they do not, perhaps there is a lesson there or they just aren’t the right person right now. i can’t imagine someone being dismissed for a shellfish allergy. Sounds like someone grasping for excuses to back out.

    Just keep believing in yourself. I know that when I approached dating with a fun attitude, as in let’s see how it goes and not I wonder if I’ll meet someone, the energy changed for me and I met more fun people than the drama addicts I used to attract.

    You aren’t wrong… you absolutely ARE enough. more than enough. Just continue to be delighted with you and look for evidence that you are right. Look for it everywhere.

    Yesterday a woman complimented my hair (which I don’t care for certain aspects of it). So I said to myself, see you have beautiful hair and both women and men are noticing. Collect evidence of the beliefs you want to cement. Write down when you get the evidence.

  146.  #146Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 11:12 am

    Re 141 Lucy sorry about that, I am quite happy to be wrong. As I said I look for myself in most of what is written here. I then try to break down what is written to help me unraveling some of my patterns. I am totally comfortable being told I am wrong.

  147.  #147Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 11:19 am

    Re 145 Lucy there I go bumbling my words again. I meant to say “I am quite happy to be told that I am wrong”. One thing I should add is that a thing I have noticed with guys is that they tend to emphasize “words”. Like they will elaborate what they mean by a word they use during a conversation, in order to clarify and take away misconceptions. Like they are trying to tighten the screws, it might be how I am that causes them to do that so now I am open to hearing and learning about me. Trust me I am not making any assumptions just trying to flesh out what I feel like I am reading into what is written. Then I look for the same thing in myself.

  148.  #148Daria on January 24, 2011 at 11:26 am

    I am ‘tweaking’ with that too sometimes, believing I’m not good enough – not cool enough, not attractive enough, not soft enough, not thick enough – for some men.

    I am practicing lowering Their status in my eyes.

    I slowly have been feeling like I am good enough for more and more men, there are only some stragglers left.

    there are some unconscious beliefs at work here for me.

    And some middle school stuff.

    And some kindergarten stuff.

    I also find that it’s ‘harder’ to express myself openly with these men. When I do, I feel much more powerful and less nit good enough.

    As recently with sexy cd – he’s a great example.

    Now I feel I Am good enough after I expressed myself.

  149.  #149Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 11:27 am

    Sorry Lucy just one more thing my story to myself or should I say my unconcious belief was that “I am not good enough”. That just jumped at me I guess because I noted that twice above you wrote “I feel misunderstood” so now I am wondering if that is something you feel/belive/think you experience a lot in your life? And am now wondering if any exploration or curiousity could unravel something there? Remember this is just my “opinion” here you can ignore it if you wish.

  150.  #150Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Re 147 Thanks Daria for that though I am not sure which comment you are specifically referring to. However, I take something from what you said and will consciously try lowering some of the guys status to see what I can discover.

  151.  #151Turtle Girl on January 24, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Ahhhhh Lucy. That just feels so superficial and weird to me that any man who would discount you because of a food allergy is not a man you would want in your corner because he won’t ever be there for you.

    I have a lots of food allergies. When I tell men this that I can’t have this or that and it makes it hard to go out to eat, he will suggest another activity or ask me to chose the restaurant so as to accommodate me. Think about it-if YOU found out someone had a need would you not be willing to be flexible? I would. That guy sound like a creep. Or he used that as an excuse.

    I believe there is a lid for every pot. I have to keep in mind sometimes that “rejection is God’s protection”
    and he is not for me. It can be hard. Lately every guy that contacts me is a “girl”. Tons of them out there.
    Some are so bad, no matter what I do I can’t outgirl them. So they end up with no date, because they will not come out and ask for a phone number or plan anything or make a decision. They want me to do it all. This among other things has been absolutely crazy making for me. Where are all the MEN? These new dating habits are at times almost impossible to do. The men think they are being “considerate” and letting us make the plan, etc. and when we don’t take the bait, they think we are not interested. What gives? Can RR address this in a post maybe. I have tried everything, i.e. feelings messages, leaning back, all the steps, etc etc and most of these guys don’t step up. It’s an epidemic of girly men.
    It feels terrible and it feels disheartening and makes me sad. I feel sometimes doomed to be alone because there are so few men out there. What the hell. I want to think otherwise, but that has not been my experience.

  152.  #152Daria on January 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

    The image I use to lower their status is to have us side by side on a podium like were getting Olympic medals.

    Then suddenly his podium drops significantly below mine. Like 20 feet.

  153.  #153Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

    Re 119 Pamelala you are not invisible here. Please keep trying until you figure out what is taking place.

  154.  #154Simply Shannon on January 24, 2011 at 11:36 am

    Just me exercising my Lucy voice. Everyone feel free to stand back. No comments necessary. I’m not reading them anyway. P.S. This is not directed at anyone in particular. Mostly pissed at the advice giver in me who gives Pollyanna quotes and a sunshine smile instead of seeing the real question. Grrr.

    WTF? I know I’m good enough so why isn’t this happening for me? Where am I blocked? I know all of the “nice” wisdom that says the perfect man who is RIGHT for me will come along. Just be patient. Blah, blah, blah.

    All nice words that don’t mean crap to me right now. Do you see me? Screw you. I don’t need the same ol’ same ol’ colloquial wisdom. Puhlease. Save your freakin’ breath. Do you want that reflected back to you? “Oh baby doll, you just wait. A nice guy will come along one day who will sweep you off your feet. Might be tomorrow.” Thanks. You should put that on a cocktail napkin.

    Yeah, well f*ck patience. It’s not today and today is all I got right now. Could be a DECADE from now under those premises. Do YOU want that? So why the hell are you saying that to me? And what the heck does “right for me” look like?

    Thank you for playing but I’d rather you save your breath unless you have something really beneficial to say. Do you see me?

    Hehe. I feel amused. Feels good to get the anger out.

    Oh look, a shiny thing…

    I forgive myself for being the advice queen. I choose to work only on myself. I will encourage by example. I also choose to fill my life with things that I love and leave space/room for adventure and excitement. Too much focus on the relationship I don’t have. Too much focus on the loneliness I feel. By the law of attraction, I’m drawing MORE loneliness to myself, not less. Boo.

    I feel grateful for adventures and happiness. I want MORE of that. Time for another ManFast. Time to fill my life with things I love and stuff focusing on fixing myself. I’m already fixed! I’m whole, perfect, loving, happy, harmonious, strong, powerful, and happy. And a millionaire.

    Don’t worry about a thing…
    cuz every little things gonna be alright…

  155.  #155Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 11:38 am

    Are you still here? I’ve relocated but logged on again; children are sick today so we are taking turns…


  156.  #156Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 11:39 am

    Re 151 Daria you have me cracking up. Thanks a lot that works for me.

    Re 150 TurtleGirl remember their relationship tempo is different from ours. They know you want something they are going to be inclined not to give it to you they are on dating sites for crying out loud they know you are looking for something. All men understand we are looking for relationships. Also many of them are scared of rejection, so I am fine with leaning back. Remember many of them have big egos which is the reason I so love Daria’s lowering their status. They wait until you step up and then they pull back. You know many refer to the “dating game”. It should be a fun arena is what I believe. Hope I am clear.

  157.  #157Simply Shannon on January 24, 2011 at 11:40 am

    Lucy, I see you. You are me love. And I totally get what you’re saying. What do you think about your question? What do you see? And what do you want to do about it?

  158.  #158Daria on January 24, 2011 at 11:41 am

    My great weekend cd put me in tears at first because he was going to come get me on the train and bus, but then switched it around to wanting me to cone alone to save time.

    It felt bad so I abruptly got off the phone w him. I felt bad and not good enough and cried a lil bit.

    Then I talked to someone else felt better .

    Then I had a text from cd asking how I’m feeling.

    I said better.

    He said did u really cry I said yes.

    He said why.

    I said: I felt so excited that you were going to cone get me and really dissapointed when it seemed it wasn’t gona


    This (I had to remind myself to be vulnerable and not be like ‘I don’t care’)

    Realy hit him! He talked about me saying this for 3 days! He said hearing I was excited was so unexpected… He though I would say… Well that’s my rules, tough. But when I said this he felt inspired…

    He actully then Did cone and get me, And he brought me all the way back – without complaining or even trying to cut his leg of the trip short in any way – in fact, he didn’t want to leave me! Wow!

  159.  #159Pamelala on January 24, 2011 at 11:44 am

    Thanks FeminineWoman – I appreciate your comment and feel noticed. Can you help me understand how is it that you get to a point where your comment is posted when you type it instead of having it go to moderation? Thanks so much!

  160.  #160Lorelei on January 24, 2011 at 11:48 am

    Pamelala – it looks as if your posts are sticking now. So welcome!

  161.  #161Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 11:50 am

    Re 157 Yayyyy ((((((((((((((((Daria))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  162.  #162Pamelala on January 24, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Oh yay! It posted right away. I’m excited to get to know you all and share this journey with you. I’m sad that I have to leave for work soon so will miss out on the happenings til this evening.

    I admire each and every one of you for your openness and vulnerability – for your wisdom and your wounds. I am proud to be a burgeoning Siren!

    I am off to work. Then, I am taking myself out on a date – movies, dinner and a treat of a new outfit for a potential job interview later this week. Dear Mr. IDon’tHaveTimetoGiveYouWhatYouDeserve…eat your heart out…I’m amazing and DO deserve better.

    Peace and blessings to you all…can’t wait to get to know you better.

  163.  #163Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 11:52 am

    Re 158 Pamelala see already someone noticed and responded in 159. Just make sure your email address and password is included correctly. When I first came I kept going into moderation also. You will eventually get it. Welcome

  164.  #164Pamelala on January 24, 2011 at 11:53 am

    Thanks for the welcome, Lorelei!

  165.  #165Soul Sista on January 24, 2011 at 11:59 am

    shannon ~ i hear you. it comes and goes for me, especially because i’m 43 and want more kids…and it makes me go to extremes.

    this is not a pollyanna statement but i gotta go back to “makes me feel bad” and i got into acceptance this morning. it was really hard to get there, tho. but, i did it. it seems like acceptance flips into hope. it’s a practice, tho, and it’s a relief.

    i feel so much more hopeful now…and because i actually am in love with someone hopeful we could get back together because i am not shutting him out of my heart, like i was. but, i was in NO HOPE of ever meeting the love of my life for 5 years before that.

    just sharing my experience xoxo

  166.  #166Simply Shannon on January 24, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    What would my life look like if I didn’t have to focus on “having the relationship I want”? What would it look like if I already had the relationship I wanted? One where being in the feminine just came naturally to me, and he was solidly in the masculine and it just flowed?

    I’d have happiness and a LOT of time on my hands, like a lot a lot.

    Yum, yum. I have this now. I have this option available to me now. Yup. I’m turning in my pining for a relationship card and acting like I already have the relationship I want.

    I can visualize him/us in my head. Sigh. I see it very clearly. I’m trusting God to bring this together. I want to spend time getting rid of things and organizing my life because I’m going to move and live in that cute house with him soon. (Yum!!) And my millionaire check is in the mail. I don’t want to sit around and wait for it. I’m going to plan how I’ll spend that money. Woot woot! Exciting!

    Three little birds pitch by my doorstep;
    Singin’ sweet songs of melodies pure and true;
    Sayin’… this is my message to you-ou-ou.

  167.  #167Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    Re 165 Thanks SS. I feel you are Jamaican or is it that you love Reggae Music?

  168.  #168Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    @142: Lucy says:
    “…I also feel a little angry about the assumptions being made…”

    I’m trying to catch up on posts but little grandchild talks as much as I do. tee hee. She’s the one called ‘bossy’ I just thinks she’s capable so I love to listen….

    OK back to blog… all I can say is OMG, don’t want to be irreverent. I’m knocked on my butt when I read Femininewoman, so will pick my self up now…it’s incredible.

    Simply incredible… 😉 I’m still trying to catch up posts so far

    Maybe yes = black
    maybe no = white

    Yuppers, Lucy girl you’re talking in “black in white.” 😀 I always thought that meant something else. For me, it still doe. The guys that attract me would know that too… I’m weird that way.

    P.S. now wondering if I can get some Lottery number picks…

  169.  #169Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    OOps jsut got another baby… I’ll catch up in a minute.

  170.  #170Femininewoman on January 24, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    Re 167 SLV not sure what you mean here but hopefully I did not trigger you as well. If I did I apologize to everyone and am willing to go back to cyberspace if not welcome here. Maybe coming on too insistent? One of my patterns that needs changing.

  171.  #171Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    @169: Femininewoman

    You are welcome Rori’s blog of course. Of course!

  172.  #172Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Adjusting my perspective this week.

    Here’s why I like CL — I never know when I’ll get a little message from the Universe that there is someone for everyone…

    Ad for 59 plus:

    Hello!! – 78

    Hello people! Would like to find a woman which used to be a man. (60 y.o. as minimum)


  173.  #173Soul Sista on January 24, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    SLV ~ LOL!

  174.  #174Gina on January 24, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    oh my gosh it just occurred to me that my roommate might have been involved with d for a while. i sensed that the way he was behaving was as though he felt awful that I forced him to do something bad. or something like that. I don’t have to concern myself with this. But oh my gosh I live with this chick and I feel so pissed. Last night she was loudly playing “i’ve got friends in low places” over and over again. I have no words…
    She always listens to the music of whatever man she is obsessed with. So I’ve noticed that she’s focusing on Country right now (which has nothing to do with D – and that is a good sign, cause she must not care much about him if she isn’t trying to define herself by him). But that one song over and over. AAAAAAAAAgh! Then this morning my alarm went off and we came out of our rooms at the same time and she rushed in front of me to the bathroom. then she took for EFFing ever!! So I knocked and she let me come in and pee while she incessantly put water all over her face. The like 5 minutes passed and she was STILL messing with the sink and I said “Are you doing this on purpose?” She suggested I take my toothbrush to the kitche. Oh my goodness I was getting mad!!! And just yesterday I went to church and I was inspired towards mercy and forgiveness, but now the fury is creeping back! Oh breathe breathe breathe!!!

    I have been divinely inspired towards a business venture that is sure to be fun and lucrative!!! I’m so excited! I have dream location in mind and everything!!!

  175.  #175Daria on January 24, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Making up fabulous stories about myself is totally working!

    Thank u femininewoman! I’m making up stories of inspiring these men that I’m ‘tweaking’ with to treat me so well and even for my friends to be great people I get along with!

    Yes! I love it!

  176.  #176rose on January 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    omg..i dont know what to say..only that is so you know what it and i are commit to one other…i just love so you know that im yours…his ring will keep us one you.thank you…xoxxooxoxoxoxoxoox

  177.  #177Daria on January 24, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Gina – I relate I’m feeling very triggered with my relationship w this one girl that I don’t trust … And now her and my godbrother are dating -ugh! It’s the drinking

    I’m making up fabulous stories about how I inspired change

  178.  #178Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 2:12 pm


    RE: #135 – I can handle sparring with you! You’s my friend! LOL! How bout MANifesting using “The Secret”?

  179.  #179Jennifer on January 24, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Whopping triggers.
    What to do?
    I went to visit B’s sister. She told me he didn’t go to see her before the funeral of her son.
    He came to town on monday.
    She saw him on Thursday.
    How do you not go see your sister?
    For three days?
    I feel so angry.
    I feel numb
    I feel disgusted.
    I feel shocked.

    I am judging.
    I am judging a mofo harder than anyone has ever been judged in the history of judging.

    He just emailed me a video he said he reminded him of his sister and I. I was angry but felt melting.

    But I don’t wanna feel melting.
    I wanna feel cold and hard
    I don’t want a man who doesn’t go to see his sister when her son dies.
    I don’t know what to say to him.
    I wanna drive to his house and kick his a$$

  180.  #180archerie on January 24, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Turtle Girl 150

    ” no matter what I do I can’t outgirl them.
    ……Where are all the MEN?
    ….. The men think they are being “considerate” and letting us make the plan, etc. and when we don’t take the bait, they think we are not interested. What gives?
    … Can RR address this in a post maybe.”

    You are so ringing my bell Turtle!

    I recently met a very cute and well suited man .
    We had “potential” . We met twice, had two really fun dates which he called me for, in my town. He looked interested . When it came to goodbye , he did lean back a lot and I waited openly leaning back further against my car hoping he would kiss me , and he looked awkward and stepped BACK . We talked of meeting again soon and he said he was free on the weekend .
    Then he disappeared.

    It turns out he was happy to chat once i initiated contact 2 weeks after that. I wanted to suss out the mind of man a little about all this being outgirled business. He said he had wanted to touch me but didnt know if I wanted to. He didnt think i was interested . I said whattt???? What should I have done?
    He said i should have kissed him!!!!!!*****!!!!!

    I gave the whole FM spiel about not feeling feminine leaning in and kissing a man who I recently met .
    I told him that would feel uncomfortable. I told him i felt good if the man wrapped me up in his arms and kissed ME. I told him exactly how i felt , because i really didnt care , he was already CD history.

    I am confused however .
    I think this is a very BIG issue .

    Much though we want good men to be men , many of them are “lost” in the role game , just as we are .
    They want to honour our equality .
    They want to hear our imput.

    Many of the ones of my age have been leaning back so far in their erstwhile marriages with overfunctioning wives that they dont know what it feels like to initiate , organise, choose and plan dates or to really wear the pants at all.

    I wonder how we can backwards lead these men ?
    Being Siren like doesnt seem to be enough.
    The problem being there are so many out there!!

    Sex is another area. So many of our sisters are sexually aggressive. These men have got used to lusty women coming on to them readily and quickly , and this is so very much the case in the mature dating world anyway.The men just get to lean back , relax and get lots of BJ’s after a date or two !!!!

    I just dont feel in the race.
    I dont want to be like that.
    I want a man to win me.

    Can Rori PLEASE advise re this issue . I believe it is possible to work with these men and maybe lean in a little initially so they feel comfortable interacting the way they are accustomed then maybe lean back further and further …with them following … lots of feeling messages..ummm..what would that look like???

  181.  #181Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    Archerie, I think the answer is Rori’s “be an invitation.” I don’t often have the problem you describe (although I have plenty of Other problems.)

  182.  #182amy on January 24, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    hi ladies,

    I need a little help with feeling comfortable using feeling messages in a situation where I would normally it sounds nice or I hope so, etc. For example, my bf text me that he missed me and hopes we can hang out soon. I texted back that would feel nice and I missed him too. But, I feel a little cheesy and uncomfortable saying that. Is that how you would use a feeling message in that situation?

  183.  #183Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Thank you to all who offered me support here today.

    Shannon, thanks for seeing and hearing me. It was just what I needed.


  184.  #184archerie on January 24, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Lucy or anyone else, can you refer me to a post about that? Being an invitation?

  185.  #185Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Archerie, I tried to find a post but so far not much luck. Do you have Modern Siren? It might be in there — that’s the only program I have (besides the ebook).

  186.  #186archerie on January 24, 2011 at 4:27 pm


    I was thinking this man is totally afraid of emotions, his and other peoples.

    He cant see his sis because he is too overwhelmed by her pain and his own.

    He cant look at you at the funeral , same reason.

    All you can do is know he is doing the best he can with what resources he can muster at the time.
    He turned up .
    He sent you a video.
    This is all he can do just now.

    He doesnt know how to feel his feelings . he doesnt know how to name them and let them be there . He runs from them.

    If that isnt enough , then you know why you arent choosing him as your man anymore.

    Maybe one way to handle this would be to share feelings, talk about how you are feeling in your body , like you do here. Teaching by example.
    If you want to .

    You may be way past wanting to.

    Love to you and big big hugs.

  187.  #187Soul Sista on January 24, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    is anyone else having trouble dialing into the conference?

  188.  #188Soul Sista on January 24, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    oh i’m in AZ…not in CA anymore…LOL

  189.  #189archerie on January 24, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    I have only Reconnect , which has a lot about energy exchange and specifically stopping overfunctioning and letting him step up , but this issue isnt mentioned there , about our girly metrosexual men !!

    I will scan more posts and see if I can find anything.

  190.  #190archerie on January 24, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Its in one hour!

  191.  #191Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 4:43 pm


    RE: #153 – You said, “Yeah, well f*ck patience. It’s not today and today is all I got right now. Could be a DECADE from now under those premises. Do YOU want that? So why the hell are you saying that to me?”

    I appreciate your perspective, and I understand and respect you were riffing. I feel cool with that, and I hear you.

    I am going to respond anyway, because I want to. I feel no animosity, because I can relate to the feelings you expressed, too.

    I am also making an effort to not be so quick to give advice. However, I make an exception when someone directly requests advice.

    I have also cringed in the past when people give me pat answers. I get that. The difference I see here is that this advice is being given by a woman who has waited over three decades for her right man.

    When a woman has…

    been in bed 30+ years alone for the vast majority of that time; and not only cried, but screamed night after night out of utter frustration and loneliness; and moved entire households repeatedly with nothing but her own two hands, because she had no man to call on; and supported her household by herself while other women her age lived as work-at-home Moms; and eaten meal after lonely meal; and taken walk after solitary walk; and wondered how it would feel to simply slow dance with a man, or simply walk on the beach with a man by her side, holding her hand,…

    …then she has earned the right to assure another woman it will be worth the waiting.

    Let me share a beautiful quote from one of my top five favorite books, “Hinds’ Feet on High Places”, a spiritual allegory about a woman with a twisted foot, “Much-Afraid”, who journeys to the High Places to bring the seed of human love to full blossom:

    “‘My Lord, may I ask you one thing? Is the time at last soon coming when You will fulfill the promise that You gave me?’

    “He said very gently, yet with great joy, ‘Yes – the time is not long now. Dare to begin to be happy. If you will go forward in the way before you, you will soon receive the promise, and I will give you your heart’s desire. It is not long now, Much-Afraid.’

    “So they stood in the mist-filled wood, she trembling with hope and unable to say a word, worshiping and wondering if she had seen a vision, or if this thing had really happened. Upon His face was a look which she would not have understoood even if she had seen it, but she was too dazed with happiness even to look at Him. High over the dripping trees the little bird still sang his jubilant song, ‘He’s gotten the victory,’ and then in a burst of trills and chuckles, ‘Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!’

    “A little later they were down in the meadows where Sorrow and her sister were waiting for their return. It was time to go forward on the journey, but after the Shepherd had blessed them and was turning to go His way again, Suffering and Sorrow suddenly knelt before Him and asked softly, ‘Lord, what place is this where we have been resting and refreshing ourselves during these past days?’

    “He answered very quietly, ‘This is the place to which I bring My beloved, that they may be anointed in readiness for their burial.’

    “Much-Afraid did not hear these words, for she was walking a little ahead, repeating over and over again, ‘He said, ‘Dare to begin to be happy, for the time is not long now, and I will give you your heart’s desire.'”

    Shannon and Lucy, I have died a thousand deaths. And still, I die. That was not the pat answer of a woman who married at age 20 and has spent her cushy life with 2 kids in a rancher with a 2 car garage and a white picket fence. I KNOW the pain.

  192.  #192Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 5:09 pm


    RE: #157 – You said, “I said: I felt so excited that you were going to cone get me and really dissapointed when it seemed it wasn’t gona


    This (I had to remind myself to be vulnerable and not be like ‘I don’t care’)

    Realy hit him! He talked about me saying this for 3 days! He said hearing I was excited was so unexpected… He though I would say… Well that’s my rules, tough. But when I said this he felt inspired…”

    Yay, Daria! Yay, feeling messages! You have them mastered! I feel so happy for you!

  193.  #193Soul Sista on January 24, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    archerie ~ the “invitation” is in Commitment Blueprint.

    i have it…i’ll try and check it out again tomorrow and post here…i need to watch it again because i didn’t follow the plan right…

    and pushed him off my horse instead of throwing him on the back of it! and i wasn’t an “invitation” either. so, i have to start over 🙂

  194.  #194Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    RORI HELP!!!


  195.  #195Soul Sista on January 24, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    it keeps telling me invalid conference number and i’ve used two phones…weird.

  196.  #196SummerBaby on January 24, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    glad I’m not the only one brenda… code didn’t work for me either.

  197.  #197Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    I emailed Rori.

  198.  #198archerie on January 24, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    I keep getting thrown off too!
    Maybe there are gazillions of desperate Sirens overloading it ! 🙂

  199.  #199archerie on January 24, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    I guess Rori will have figured by now that no one is actually on the call!

  200.  #200Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Maybe there was a typo in the number, or they gave her the wrong one. I feel disappointed.

  201.  #201PrairieGirl on January 24, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    #50 Pamelala

    I think sending an e-card thanking him is what Rori describes in her water wheel exercise… he gives a bucketful and we trickle back… I think it would be a nice thing to do as long as you weren’t trying to “get” anything to happen by doing it and were only being grateful… She says all the time to be sure and “thank” men when they do things we like…

    Prairie Girl

  202.  #202Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    But maybe her email list on her site got the correct code and she is in session. 🙁 I was looking forward to this all day.

  203.  #203archerie on January 24, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    So do I Brenda, I was hoping to feel some Siren energy 🙂

  204.  #204archerie on January 24, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    I rushed home and changed travel plans today , I feel neglected that there is no post from Rori here by now to tell us whats going on!!

  205.  #205Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    She’s probably not aware of it or she would be on the blog.

  206.  #206Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Bachelor is intense. The woman is burying herself!!

  207.  #207Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    The woman’s getting insecure and anxious after a perfect date!

  208.  #208Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    oops – got the code numbers wrong…5:30PST/8:30EST

    Call 1-218-862-7200

    Conference Code 417864

    See you there! Love, Rori

  209.  #209amy on January 24, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    @205 Brenda you took the words right out of my head. I was totally feel bad for some of these women on the Bachelor becuz they weren’t using feeling messages and he was getting so frustrated.

  210.  #210Pamelala on January 24, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    hope you all found the correct code….go back to the blog homepage

  211.  #211SummerBaby on January 24, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    yay! thanks brenda!

  212.  #212Turtle Girl on January 24, 2011 at 6:48 pm



    This is what we are up against. They don’t know how to act anymore. They were men, then the sixties came and we women raised holy hell and it needed raising.
    We got work equality (well better than it used to be anyway) and demanded respect. We did not want to be economic or sexual slaves for goodness sake.
    And just so.

    But we lost our goddess in the process, and men are so afraid of pissing us off, they let us me the men.
    We became masculine and they became feminine.

    What can we do to turn this tide around? Well RR is one thing. But wow. I find it very discouraging when SO many men act like women. Won’t lead, won’t plan, won’t make decisions. It’s like they are all shell shocked and some just don’t even bother. They interpret our leaning back as being not interested in them. Be an invitation? How-when you do everything and nothing works?

  213.  #213Daria on January 24, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    So sad and triggered. Urger burger.

  214.  #214Daria on January 24, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Turtle girl – hmmm this may be a block in ur energy. The men I meet often step up to plan dates once I let them know that’s what would feel good to me.

  215.  #215Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    I feel curious about this. “Being an invitation” always works for me. Men always know that I’m interested — and even when I’m not, they think I am.

    Rori did write something about this not too long ago — about how leaning back without being an invitation won’t work. I don’t know if it was a regular article or a response to a new poster somewhere.

  216.  #216Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 7:16 pm


    Thanks for the teleclass, Rori!

  217.  #217archerie on January 24, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    Turtle Girl

    I REALLY echo these feelings of frustration.

    Personally there are three men in the past year who were all good strong men, masculine in their careers and outlook EXCEPT within the dating relationship. All could have been well suited to me.

    One guy I dated 4 times and invited into my home and he did no more than nervously hold my hand (while I am sitting watching a movie with him), then disappeared then told me weeks later by email he thought I wasnt interested or didnt feel chemistry for him , then similar with the recent guy . All I did was lean back and wait. I THINK I was being inviting.

    I have long blond hair , wear skirts and paint my nails , i try to give off a feminine energy signal ,. i talk in feeling messages , I try to be soft and warm..
    What is going on??

    The third one actually leaned back while kissing me for the first time (after several dates) sort of forcing me into a dominant position over him and kept hanging back and waiting for me to initiate more kissing and/or sex. I didnt .This one later told me he had low testosterone levels:)

    I have a long list of guys who drop their number in an email and say “call me” – I dont. A few do ask for my number so they can call. But still most dont ever do so.

    I am wondering if they are all reading the guy coaches whoes advertisemements pop up all over their FB pages telling them how to get women chasing THEM and calling them and initiating contact..I feel so confused!!!

    Some of the male advice I read online is very much about increasing their confidence and playing HARD TO GET , and maybe they think they are being too EASY if they call us and invite us and chase us and initiate. ?

    I dont know but I feel VERY confused ..
    I am thinking of writing a new profile that asks for a man to BE THE MAN –not sure how to word that exactly.

    I really wish Rori could help with this one.

  218.  #218Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 7:27 pm


    You said, “I have long blond hair , wear skirts and paint my nails , i try to give off a feminine energy signal ,. i talk in feeling messages , I try to be soft and warm..
    What is going on??”

    Could it be their own insecurity? Maybe they couldn’t step up?

  219.  #219Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    Archerie, a big part of being the invitation in person is eye contact that is open, vulnerable, and flirtatious (kinda “sparkly”)… also, genuine open smiling. For me, it’s sort of a mischievous look.

    Rori said that when men give phone numbers in emails, just respond with Your phone number. They are initiating by giving the phone number, you are responding by giving yours. I usually don’t even say anything — just put my number.

  220.  #220archerie on January 24, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    About this Reverse Energy problem,

    I am thinking its got to do with the age and era of my dates as you described so well TG ,

    also my professional role is strong and looks masculine on the outside , maybe they feel they are “competing” with me at some level. I try and not discuss work early on much at all.

    I feel puzzled as this didnt happen to me before I started using RR tools . It has to do with me leaning back. I dont initiate callls emails, or texts as Rori says but I do reply rapidly and warmly if they contact me.

    I feel depressed about this.

  221.  #221Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 7:31 pm


    You said, “I am thinking of writing a new profile that asks for a man to BE THE MAN –not sure how to word that exactly.”

    How about describing the man you are looking for and saying something like, “I feel so good when a man steps up and initiates.”

  222.  #222archerie on January 24, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Thanks Brenda and Lucy,

    Yes , maybe they feel insecure around me. That is their problem and its best if they weed themselves out.

    Some of them seem to want healing and i dont offer that 🙂

    I think eye contact is easy for me when I am on a date WITH them , but I cant seem to do it with strangers at all , not the hold their gaze for 5 seconds thing!!!

    I also wonder whether meeting them out and about would be easier because all the toing and froing of emails and calls is foreshortened and they only get to experience and judge the real me.

    i dont go to bars alone though , so I am struggling with where to meet men “live” . I think this would help.

  223.  #223Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    Archerie, I have been feeling lately too that I would rather meet men “live.” I hate the “blind date” feeling when we meet in person the first time.

  224.  #226LonePlum on January 24, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    From Rori

    “That they call and leave vague messages saying just “Hi,” and never really asking for a date. That they like to talk only by email and never seem to move things along. And I’m here to tell you that this is nothing new about men. In times past – even in the 50’s, it seems from movies and TV that men were more “manly.’

    They supposedly took care of things like earning a living and taking charge of what went on in the household and just sort of seemed more “masculine.” But the truth is, WITHIN a RELATIONSHIP, people struggled just as much with the idea of “who’s in charge” as we do.

    That’s where the whole concept of “henpecked” came from. Where a man might LOOK like he was “acting like a man” but actually, his wife “wore the pants in the family.” If you’re finding yourself wearing the pants in the family, or in the relationship, or on the date – then it will help you so much to know that you’re firmly and totally in your “boy” part in exactly the one place in your life – love and romance – where it doesn’t work!.””


  225.  #227LonePlum on January 24, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    What a dummy I am

    Mille excuses chère amie


  226.  #228PrairieGirl on January 24, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    When a man emails me his number I tell him I’m old fashioned and feel better when a guy calls me… I’ve had 2 guys this week eat that up actually making a point to say how much they like that..

    I too find it feeling inappropriate in my small, Bible belt town to make 5 sec eye contact w/guys who glance at me… here it plays as coming on to them… I just do a brief glance and smile at everyone I meet, men and women… Try to be warm and open all the time.

    Prairie Girl

  227.  #229archerie on January 24, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Thank you for those Plum.
    You are amazing! You always kniow where to find things!

    I am not certain that I am not just unconsciously blocking these men somehow.

    Or choosing the ones who cant step up?

    I am going to practice more honest “being” and not in my head ‘planning” or rehearsing when I next go on a date.

    Today I am just tired of it all.

  228.  #230PrairieGirl on January 24, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Oh and send me positive thoughts…

    I’m meeting a CD from OKcupid tomorrow for lunch… yeah.. weird..w/that site I actually talk to guys who are close enough to come to town for lunch… none of them my type or interesting… but it’s practicing right? Lookin’ for the message, practicing FM and being in my skin in the moment…

    Man I’m tired of class…practice… you know…dating… Well, actually this will be the first “date” as such w/a practical stranger..

    Prairie Girl.

  229.  #231archerie on January 24, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Posted this on new post ..Thanks Plum

    Rori says what to do when he is hanging back being a girl and not initiating…Not sure how to work it on a date with a new man , any one with step by step example like this ?

    HOW TO OUTGIRL HIM – by Rori Raye

    Step 1 – Start becoming aware of what’s going on. Notice where he’s standing or sitting, and how his body posture looks. If he’s laying back (remember the LeanBack) and looking like he’s about to do NOTHING, notice it.

    And REALLY NOTICE how that makes you FEEL.

    If he’s just sitting there, notice if you feel compelled to go over there and put your arms around him. Or perhaps you feel the need to ask him to do something or to start a “relationship talk.” If you want him to hold you and kiss you, notice how you instinctively want to go to him and ask for it, or get it started somehow.

    Step 2 – Stop Yourself!

    Yes, use the Rori Raye STOP Tool. This is just the first frustrating, challenging step, so let’s get really brave and experimental, here. Hold on to yourself and STOP right where you are.

    Now, just by doing NOTHING, you’re being a “girl.” And now, yes, there are 2 “girls” in the room. There’s him on the couch waiting for YOU to make a move, and there’s you just standing there waiting for HIM to make a move.

    Here’s where you Outgirl Him. You simply outlast him.

    That’s right. He sits there, you stand there. Or you go into the kitchen, or get a book or magazine and sit at the dining table and read, or you do your nails or try on clothes, or anything that seems fun and can calm you down.

    Step 3 – He’ll make a move.

    Now, I can’t promise you it will be the exact move you want, but it will be a step in the right direction. He might ask you what you’re doing and why you aren’t sitting with him. He might comment on the TV show he’s watching or on what he’s doing.

    Step 4 – Leanback, Open Your Heart, and Speak In Feeling Messages

    You’ll say something like – “Oh, I feel hooked on this magazine article – it feels so great to read about how DNA works, or how to cook Tuscan style, or I feel hooked on this book – the character feels so much like me…

    Step 5 – He’ll Respond

    He may go “Oh” and leave you right where you are. Or, he may get up and come on over to you. If he does, if he moves at all, then –

    Step 6 – Lean back even more. Smile at him. Unzip Your Heart even more. This is Your Turn to Respond.

    If he touches you, on purpose or by accident, MELT (practice with the Toolkit). Speak in feeling messages about your pleasure – “Oh, that feels good…”

    Step 7 – Stay Tuned In To Your FEELINGS, repeat all the other steps over and over until they start to come naturally to you.

    Step 8 – Be Amazed

  230.  #232Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    Thanks, Loneplum! That’s the post I was thinking of but couldn’t find! 🙂

  231.  #233Lucy on January 24, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    I think I am not “successful” enough for some men.

  232.  #234LonePlum on January 24, 2011 at 8:50 pm


    When it does not work… Consider the possibility that it is filtering out a girly man
    It saves so much time and energy

    From Rori
    “no matter where a relationship, or a date, or a conversation is right now:

    Stop Overfunctioning + Open Heart = More Love

    The more you keep doing what you’re doing, the more he’ll step up, the better you’ll feel, the more you’ll trust yourself and him, the safer and more excited he’ll feel — and then the sky’s the limit.

    Unless he hits his “wall.”

    Sometimes a man has a limit. A place where his abilities stop him cold. Where he can go no further, no deeper. And what do you do when that happens?

    You will simply lose interest. That’s what I wish for you, and that’s been my experience with clients who pined after a man until who he really was got suddenly clear.

    If you are Circular Dating, you will be continually taking care of yourself, you will not have invested yourself entirely and exclusively with any man until you KNOW if he has a “wall” or not. Until you KNOW if he can “do the job” of making you happy for the rest of his life.”


  233.  #235Pamelala on January 24, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    LonePlum, Thanks for those links. They’re really helpful. I’m way at the beginning of this process and it’s been just over a week since I started leaning back and waiting.

    After talking with my guy every day for six months, he didn’t contact me at all last week and I finally cracked on Friday and sent at “Hope you had a good week” type of text. That led to me speaking some feeling messages about what was going on with my car and he offered to help me out the following day. That felt great, but our time together was weird, to say the least. It was very confusing and disconnected, but I worked really hard to just lean back. He gave me a half-hug and quick kiss before he left, but that was it. I haven’t heard from him since.

    I took myself out on a date today and that felt great. In fact, after practicing some of the self-care tools from the e-book, I found that three different men paid special attention to me in a way I never received before…they were just guys from the supermarket or restaurant, but it was nice to get that reaction.

    Right now, though, I’m feeling set up by CD1’s (there’s only one, but that should change soon) initial masculine energy for the first two months of our relationship and then his pulling away once we had bonded/attached. Since then, he’s just been leaning back and I’ve been overfunctioning. I’m feeling angry and betrayed by him and myself.

    I’m hoping with time I will get a picture of the real him, not just the one I made up in my head. I am hoping he will step up, but I’m trying to let go of any expectations.

    I’m wondering if any of you can give me some idea of when the kicked-in-the-gut feeling that I get with every day that passes without connection with him will finally end.

    Blah…I’m feeling mad and hurt. 😛

  234.  #236Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    @233: LonePlum says:
    “..When it does not work… Consider the possibility that it is filtering out a girly man..”

    I’m considering the possibilities. What percentage of men do you think are “girly?” Do you think the percentage varies by decade? What do you think? In numbers…


  235.  #237Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    @232: Lucy says:

    …I think I am not “successful” enough for some men…”

    What leads you to think so? And, uh, gee how could they think that when you are so “opinionated?”

    Ah wonderss….

    What is “success?”


  236.  #238Nancy on January 24, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    @Amy’s 181

    Hi Amy, I like the way “That would feel nice” sounds. I know I feel awkward saying it, but reading it here just now, it sounds great! It adds the dimension of feeling to the usual “That would be nice”. I mean, when we say “That would be nice”, it’s flat. “That would feel nice” says that it will make you feel good to see him. I like it. Thanks for posting it. It’s helped me feel more comfortable saying it.
    Alternatives that add feeling that I can think of are “I would love that. I miss you, too” and “That would feel so good. I miss you, too.”
    It’s so funny how I can read it here and it sounds great and when I go to say it I feel strange and like it’s going to sound strange to him.

  237.  #239Nancy on January 24, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    I just posted a lean back/out girling him question on the new thread. Opinions appreciated!

  238.  #240Nancy on January 24, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    Oh, LP! You are so wise. @233

    I was offering a guy who e-mailed me today the opportunity to pick up the ball and choose where we would meet. It stopped him cold. Er… well at least it slowed him way down. Thanks! I think I get it now.

    I’m posting on this and the new thread, so my conversation with him is on the new one.

  239.  #241Pamelala on January 24, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    How do I find a new thread? I feel like I’m missing something. I log in via the website. Is there an easier way?

  240.  #242Jacqueline on January 24, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Pamelala – go to the top, click on the red Have the Relationship YOu Want title, it will pull up the posts, newest first – everyone usually ends up on the newest ones – whether on topic or not, lol, or we get stuck on old controversial ones….or just go to the right hand side bar and click on names….like how I just wrote Nancy – it takes you to wherever people are talking (in the comments section….)

    welcome, and hope you find great things here!!


  241.  #243Pamelala on January 24, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    Thank you so much, Jacqueline. I’m normally quite a techie, but this one has me thrown for a loop. I’ll get it figure out. 🙂

  242.  #244Jacqueline on January 24, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    Ps! Wondering where Andi went??? Andi….

    and Ella???

    Miss you all….

  243.  #245Nancy on January 24, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    @Pamelala’s 234

    Hi there, it sounds like you’re getting this quickly. Your man may need some time to change gears. Sometimes they don’t know what to do with the change in us when we stop overfunctioning. Rori talks about this somewhere… in the e-book I think, as well as in “Reconnect”, I think?
    I so understand your kicked-in-the-gut feeling! I hate the way that feels. It has taken about 3 months for it to heal in me, but my situation was a bit extreme, 2.5 years with a man where I wanted more and so announced I was going to start dating again and he dropped me cold turkey. Ouch. Not fun. I’m not sure what your scenario is with your man, I’ll go read up some more and see if you’ve posted more details.
    Anyway, I think the kicked in the gut feeling has to do with the 3rd chakra and personal power. I find that the more I focus on my self and my life, remembering that I started dating again in order to move my own life forward and be open for what I want, the less I have the feeling.
    I also think it has to do with “cutting the cord” of the relationship. We do form a bond and our bodies are tied to his, literally with energy, I believe. So when you make a big shift, even if it’s not the end of the relationship, you feel that. One way to help this is to visualize yourself (in meditation) gathering your cord into your solar plexus area, rewinding it into yourself. Heal the raw ends before you pull them in. Give them your love and healing intent. Think of them as you would a child that you love and want to heal and nurture. Oh, now I’m making myself cry, lol. I really need to do this for myself. Thanks for your post. This all just poured out of me and I really needed to hear it!

  244.  #246Nancy on January 24, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    Thanks, Jac! I didn’t know how that worked. 🙂

  245.  #247Jacqueline on January 24, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    Pamella – did you find it? I’ll go look for you at new topic page….


  246.  #248Nancy on January 24, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    @Brenda’s 220

    I’ve put “The way I feel when a great guy asks for my number” on my profile, under my favorite things.

  247.  #249Nancy on January 24, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    LOL So far, only one of them has picked up on it. Grrrrrrr.

  248.  #250LonePlum on January 24, 2011 at 9:50 pm

    169 Femininewoman

    I hope you will keep posting here
    Thank you

    Each light is a wonder


  249.  #251Brenda on January 24, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    Shannon and Lucy,

    P.S. Our discussion on the blog is fine. I mean, this is what Rori’s tools are designed for, to become comfortable discussing things that were, in the past, taboo, to be kept hush hush. I think it is good practice for us to express our unique selves, even when they don’t perfectly mesh, And then we have a meeting of the hearts, if we let the process take its course!

    Even tho I believe God’s purpose thru a lot of this is to strengthen and refine us, I also feel your pain, as it is my pain. And I think what Shannon wrote Lucy was beautiful. And I DO jump too quick to fixing, advising, and speaking. I want to be more quick to let someone express their feelings. That’s what this was about: Lucy’s feelings.

  250.  #252Brenda on January 25, 2011 at 12:08 am


    RE: #230 on Outgirling Him!

    Wow! I saved that one! I needed that one when I was dating Ryan! I hope I will need it with him in the future! 🙂 Excellent for our intuitive, creative, high feminine energy girly boys! LOL! Gotta love ’em!

  251.  #253Brenda on January 25, 2011 at 12:14 am


    RE: #235 – You asked, “What percentage of men do you think are “girly?” Do you think the percentage varies by decade? What do you think? In numbers…”

    I think they grow increasingly manly over time. Numbers? Who knows. But I have found that the younger the man, the harder time he has stepping up. Dunno.

  252.  #254Brenda on January 25, 2011 at 12:20 am


    RE: #237 – You said, “I like the way “That would feel nice” sounds. I know I feel awkward saying it, but reading it here just now, it sounds great!”

    I felt awkward with feeling messages at first, too. I grappled with wanting to keep “my voice”. Along the way, Rori told me that this is all about developing MY voice, not HER voice. It is about learning to express my unique self.

    I realized I just needed a little role modeling and a little parroting to get the feel for it, and then naturally, I have found myself gravitating more and more toward feeling messages. Because they feel so good!

    And now I feel far more natural saying “I feel…”! 🙂 It sure is a vast improvement on my old voice, which was full of “Grrrrrs, barks, whines, and a hell of a lot of swearing!” LOL!

    Seriously! What I mean is I was way too quick to snap and say things that were hurtful or rude and just broke relationships down. Now it is becoming natural to pause, think through what I’m about to say, and choose words that will build my relationships! Rori’s programs have transformed my life!

  253.  #255Brenda on January 25, 2011 at 12:22 am


    RE: #240 –

    This link will take you to the latest and greatest of Rori’s threads.

  254.  #256Soul Sista on January 25, 2011 at 9:52 am

    244 nancy ~ that is a very nice visualization.

    i felt really triggered last night on the call with Rori…when she told that woman she needed to get laid!

    when i was email chatting with the guy i love he said “i know you’ve been with someone since then…i can feel it!” he’s still really hurt over what happened last year.

    but, he also said “if you would just send me an email that says, hi, how are you? that would make me really happy.” that he’s working like 20 hours a day, in sessions and in the studio and he’s trying to make me understand.

    and that he’s scared. Rori brought up being scared briefly in speaking with another woman about the guy with all the flirting and told the woman it doesn’t matter, he wouldn’t be acting that way if he wanted her.

    but, my guy is not doing this as was very offended i was upset that he even talked to a girl. he said, “even if i were your HUSBAND i did nothing wrong.” why would he say that.

    i emailed him yesterday and said, i thought about it and i give you my word (it’s a thing between us, he always calls me a woman of my word because i come through for him always in music) i will not walk away from our work. so you don’t have to worry about that and you can concentrate on work.

    why to i have to go to catastrophic thinking first…why not positive thinking?

    and i have the flu…big time.

  255.  #257Lucy on January 25, 2011 at 10:52 am

    SLV – ‘What leads you to think so? And, uh, gee how could they think that when you are so “opinionated?”ah wonderss….What is “success?”‘

    I guess the guys I am interested in are more “successful” than me — so it makes me think… you know, how you’re supposed to Be what you want to attract… So maybe I am not successful enough to really attract them.

    And I suppose what I mean by success is to have either a well-established meaningful career or ministry that you are passionate about OR an established body of creative work that you are continually adding to.

    By that definition, I realize that D was “successful” and he wanted me… so I guess it’s not 100% accurate. (But my attraction/chemistry with him was rapidly diminishing, so that didn’t work out. Hey, I wonder if he counts as a “transition relationship”? Does it count if it’s not exclusive?)

  256.  #258Andi on January 25, 2011 at 11:10 am

    243: Jacqueline

    Hi Jacqueline! That made me feel good that you were wondering about me! <3

    I have been very busy circular dating! (For the first time in my life!) And it is exhausting! Hehe. No really, I am having fun, but it is kind of emotionally exhausting, because these are kinda blind dates and I am using new tools and interacting in new ways. but it is very good.

    I have been thinking about the Sirens! I don't think I could be doing this without the support here, and I am still learning!

    Kisses to all!!!

  257.  #259Andi on January 25, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Hey ladies,

    You know those guys who smell good…when you run across them in your day, and just smell GOOD.

    Like some of them just got out of the shower good! I need one of them! I am ready to pounce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  258.  #260Andi on January 25, 2011 at 11:31 am

    LP said: “When it does not work… Consider the possibility that it is filtering out a girly man


    I have been such an over-functioner all my life…I am ready to embrace this. I REALLY enjoy seeing a man step up, and many have. Some are not used to having to “work” so much or fill in the gaps, and don’t like it, and they grumble. But that just gives me a chance to practice not switching to people-pleaser mode. I do not maniuplate or play games, but I do what I feel comfortable with, period. And not worry so much about him. (New concept.) But I like!

  259.  #261Andi on January 25, 2011 at 11:32 am

    Soul Sista…the flu 🙁 hope you feel better soon!

  260.  #262mcgirlygirl on January 25, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Hi ladies – do i post my f/u here or on the original blog thread… hmm?

  261.  #263Andi on January 25, 2011 at 11:46 am

    Ya know, I don’t feel like emailing or texing or chatting on the phone…I want to have real life meeting experiences…some of them whine about it and say well you are not showing you are interested…well, I communicate enough to indicate I am interested. But if THEY are interested, they need to figure out how to be proactive and ask me to meet them somewhere. Is that too much to ask.

  262.  #264LonePlum on January 25, 2011 at 11:49 am

    261 mcgirlygirl

    You’ll get more comments on the newest thread:


  263.  #265Andi on January 25, 2011 at 11:50 am

    and Mr. I want to sink my teeth into you can go eff himself! My teeth will sink into someone else! See girly-man run!


  264.  #266mcgirlygirl on January 25, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    SoulSista – feel better!!

  265.  #267Soul Sista on January 25, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    thanks ladies! i have some AMAZING news.

    i apologized with the best feeling message i could muster up (got a tweak to make it better in the future) and then called him to tell him i loved him and still wanted him and it was just amazing…

    he wants me to talk again tonight!

    this is after me realizing how he was starving for my feeling. he’s a great guy, i told him to please be patient and he was like “of course.”

    i feel so happy.

  266.  #268LonePlum on January 25, 2011 at 2:15 pm

  267.  #269Brenda on January 25, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Soul Sista,

    I’m happy for you! Go Siren Power!

  268.  #270Lisi on January 25, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Okay, I’m struggling a bit:

    I had date #1 with Potential Guy on Thursday.

    I really liked him. I have a mental list of why….

    He emailed me back Friday the following day saying:

    Hey you…
    It was nice to meet you last night. Maybe we can do it again sometime.

    I answered, and haven’t heard back.

    Now my NV’s are in full rage:

    He wasn’t as attracted to you in person as he thought he’d be.
    That email was significantly “cooler” than his previous — he’d already cooled off.
    You emailed back too soon (a few hours later)

    If he writes back, I’ll answer.

    If he doesn’t, I won’t, and I’ll get over it, and I’ll be fine.

    But, I’m feeling sad


  269.  #271Senior Lady Vibe on January 25, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee LOL 😆

  270.  #272Lisi on January 25, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    I actually feel significantly better, having written that, and doing some energy work.

    I could feel the tightness at 3rd chakra (the solar plexus). 3rd chakra is the seat of the self-esteem, integrity and honor code: the ability to make promises to myself and keep them.

    Feeling the connection to K at 3rd — I visualized letting him go. Then, whenever he came back to my mind, I pictured him, and let him go again.

    Soon after, I felt again the connection I felt to him at 4th chakra when I hugged him. 4th chakra is heart, emotions, marriage. I connected powerfully with my ex at 4th with the first hug. We’ve talked about that’s what brought us together.

    I felt a connection to K at my 4th when I hugged him. I am visualizing the heart connection open — with God-source, love energy flowing through between us both directions.

    Also letting go with 3rd.

    And feeling waaaaay better.


  271.  #273Senior Lady Vibe on January 25, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    @269: Lisi says:

    If he writes back, I’ll answer.
    If he doesn’t, I won’t, and I’ll get over it, and I’ll be fine…

    I know what you mean, I just got some of that. When something kind of weird shows up, sometimes you can only laugh at it… 😆

    I think you’ve already got the answer and the best attitude:

    “…If he writes back, I’ll answer.
    If he doesn’t, I won’t, and I’ll get over it, and I’ll be fine…”

    I just came back home from a long brisk walk and realized some things are kind of on “automatic pilot” as you described. So I only have to figure out what I will do *if* whatever happens, the rest is out of my control.

    So used tool learned from mother… What can I do about it? How do I work around it? How do I live with it? Any problem leftover that I can’t change, won’t help to worry about…

    And I have added, I might as well find the humour in it.


  272.  #274Lisi on January 25, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    @272 SLV

    Thank you.

    I think you’re right. The decision was made: I just had to work through some emotions.


  273.  #275Lisi on January 25, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    @255 Soul Sista

    i felt really triggered last night on the call with Rori…when she told that woman she needed to get laid!

    Sex is energy work.

    I was celibate 7 years — dedicating myself to my daughter — and went to an emotional place that I couldn’t get a date to save my life.

    I deliberately changed that when I decided to have sex with someone I’d known for years; I was comfortable with the decision; it changed my vibe and I was dating again in about 2 weeks. I’ve been dating consistently ever since.

    When my ex came and spent the week end with me, I wanted to wrap myself up in him, zip him closed, and live there. That sends men flying out the door.

    Fortunately, I have a sexual relationship with someone else. The INSTANT I had sex with my CD partner — my vibe shifted.

    I felt more grounded, more on an even keel. I had done physical energy work that I needed to do.

    It was good for me.

    We have a lot of judgments about sex in our culture. It takes work to let them go, and let sex BE.

  274.  #276Soul Sista on January 25, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Lisi #274 ~ yeah i’m triggered because i had sex when we had an agreement not to. so, it just still triggers he & i both.

    but, that is in the past and he is just so pleased that i am learning how to say what i feel…and he knows i am learning and have talked to a relationship coach. he said, “always tell me how you feel and i will figure out a way to make you feel better.” LOL i’m also clear on telling him how GOOD i feel to hear his voice and talk to him.

    i don’t know how things are going to play out from here…i have to do a lot of soul searching and listening to others…it’s a unique situation but i also have a new start so we’ll see.

    i need to get over this flu, first…LOL

  275.  #277Brenda on January 25, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    Why do you all go to bed? I’m not ready for bed yet. Why should you be? 😆

  276.  #278Lisi on January 26, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    @275 Soul Sista

    Oh, I so know that one. Last summer, I told my ex “no sex without commitment.” I had been reading Christian Carter, and thought I’d try it that way.

    Good news was — it totally turned him on and he wanted it way worse.

    Bad news was — we lasted about 3 weeks, and then we had sex again. My libido speaks LOUD and CLEAR.

    I’m actually doing better emotionally now that I’m CD-ing, and I had sex with him when he came here, but let him know I had made no commitments, and would keep dating.

    He’s still pursuing and feeling attracted — which he didn’t last summer when I tried to get an agreement of exclusivity before he was ready for a long-term commitment.

    I just keep experimenting with this stuff and seeing what works. I don’t want to have sex with him and have it be guilt-ridden. Despite our issues, we have deep emotions for each other. The last time we had sex was the most emotional, most beautiful sexual experience of my life. That felt better to me.


  277.  #279Gift_of_Love on January 26, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    I just need to vent because I’m FINALLY feeling ANGRY. My boyfriend (the one who has women on FB that he secretly writes to) is sleeping all day. He has a tendancy every now and then to do that but he’s being distant and when I got in bed with him to “nap” he didn’t even turn around. Then he came down to get a snack. A few minutes later I came down and told him I was in an affectionate huggy mood. He said, i am just trying to eat my snack in peace, honey. AHHH!!!! and last night when I asked him to use the reading light to read he said can’t I just have some freedom?? (later apologized for that.) But here is REALLY why I’m mad. I told him I feel angry and hurt and ignored and I don’t like the way he’s talking to me, etc. I really really tried to keep it at feeling words. Well, he said he just wants to sleep. No effort. Just hiding and I’m sorry as if patronizing me. I’m so so so pissed off right now that I need to vent. thank you for reading.

  278.  #280Soul Sista on January 26, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Lisi ~ i’m sorry…that totally sucks. have you thought about CD’ng yet? xoxoxo

  279.  #281Soul Sista on January 26, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    woops sorry Lisi…

    i meant, 278: Gift_of_Love

    i’m sorry…that totally sucks. have you thought about CD’ng yet? xoxoxo

  280.  #282Gift_of_Love on January 26, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Thanks soul Sista…yup…getting started on CD’ing. I changed my profile photo to be one that is “sweet” and I swear it tripled the emails and winks I get. Only problem is I’m so so busy with deadlines for work that I can’t actually follow up too much. Have an appt for profess. photo and soon will start going out. Sometimes I feel sad that I have to CD but kind of excited about it too.
    What feels the worst is not being heard (by him.) and being told I’m over-reacting. Even my DOGS come over to me when I’m upset.

  281.  #283Gift_of_Love on January 26, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    it feels weird having a boyfriend that part of the dialogue becomes “Are you going to get out of bed at all today?”
    Every time he comes here for a weekend or a few days, he sleeps at least one entire day. One time he slept for two days.

  282.  #284Soul Sista on January 26, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    gift ~ GOOD! i’m happy for you. Rori says you will probably start experiencing lots of emotions, i experienced a lot of grief at times. if you can afford coaching, i would definitely do it!

    ladies ~ so i’m back on my horse and got the man i love thrown back on it…LOL…and i am moving forward. i’m now back to Commitment Blueprint and CD’ng with a crop of even better men and raising my vibe.

    who knows i might even get LAID soon… HA HA HA!


  283.  #285Soul Sista on January 26, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    PS i do want to mention i emailed him today in response to a comment about sex yesterday, it was a sexy flirtatious response, but i am not going to initiate any further emails.

  284.  #286Lena on January 26, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Hallo, girls!

    I am new to this page and reading a lot. Maybe someone can help here.

    2 month ago I met a man and we clicked. I just broke up from painful and what Rori calls “imaginary” relationship by that time. From the start I guess things werent smooth but there was so much happiness and connection – it was ok. I realised I have a natural ability to envoke emotions in people. Maybe raw and unpolished – but I noticed I do intuitevly how Rori wrote in her ebook to connect to the heart -all man I met were madly in love with me at the start. But on the other hand I completely clueless how to channel my emotions in a proper way. I didnt like that it was moving too fast – in few weeks all his friends and family knew me. I was at all events as a gf. He was telling me about children and if I can help him design his new house. It was like a dream come true. But I was bitching… Over small things that I could just ask to be differently. He was patient. I was braking up with him at slightest scare and he was assuring me that its all ok and we will pull through. This Jan 2 smth terrible happend to me. I blew very very bad – I dont even want to tell what happend. I was shouting and cursing and went all hysterical. Than I wrote and txted a lot having no doubts it will be as usual with him. But he said he loves me so much and cares for me but he cant hurt me like this again. I was desparate because I understood that over my temper I am loosing a good guy. I was writting this and writting that – he was still hesitant and doubtful. He would still ask about my health – hysterics was also triggered by meds I was taking. But he wouldnt be the same with me – no sweet words, no calls 5 times a day and no assurance of future. He was coming to my house, sometimes crying, saying that he doesnt know what to do. Hugging me tightly or kissing my forehead but leaving still in the same condition. In 3 weeks we finally set the date for two of us but he was distant, saying he is tired. At that time I just wanted to have FUN. To sit talk to him and all conversation and dinner went well. But its as if some demon possesed me again. I wanted him to hug me and take my hand and he didnt. I started to cry in the car and asking what are we -he replied – you are my girl. But I could tell how tired he is of all this. I talked to him after, appologised, etc. But he still sais the same – I love you, we both have issues to work on but he doesnt see it can happen with us in a long run. I was talking to him all Sunday over txt that we can still pull through and he again left confused what is best to do. Its 4 th day after that conversation. We still txt each other – but he doesnt call. He still asks how I slept, etc. Telling a bit about himself. And I miss him so much, how we were just before this horrible day. Any advices girls what to do? I dont speak about us anymore. I try to control myself not to ask for anything or seem like a bug. He still talks and I have hope though everyone tells me to move on. But I feel that he still cares for me and I do too. I also feel like there is really very thin chance to turn it all around – I think he already made up his mind on that day. He always saying I am wonderful, beautiful, amazing but all what happend hurt him a lot. I am clueless what to do at this point.

  285.  #287Brenda on January 27, 2011 at 10:46 am


    If I were you, I would STOP and do nothing, unless he contacted me. Then when he does, work on gentle feeling messages, and Rori’s CD programs and the blog can help you to work thru your anger issues. I have anger issues, too. And we all grow in baby steps.

    As you find healing, maybe he will take a second look and give it another try. What’s most important right now is inner healing. You have come to the right place! Hope this helps!

  286.  #288Aradea on January 27, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Ok, so I did it last night- had a date with the Messy ex who broke mt heart open- I had been all overfunctioning, healing him, focused on him, and in a fairly imaginary relationship for almost a year with him, when he was clearly dealing with his recent divorce. Well, after our breakup (3rd one!) In mid Nov. and all the Rori help and tools I’ve been practicing, and all the focus on my life and myself, he has been petitioning me for another chance, since he says the timing was just bad, he still loves me, etc.
    He asked me on a date 3 weeks ago, and after saying yes at first, I had to cancel it, because I felt frearful I would fall into my old habits and patterns with him. I felt I couldn’t open to him, after all that happened last year.
    But then last week, when we had to discuss some other business matters, I told him I felt I could try to see what this looks like now.
    I feel I did GREAT, leaning back, feeling messages, honesty… And he asked me for another date before the night ended. We agreed to try a clean slate approach, take it slow as we should have the last time, and see what develops. I was so in love with him. Now, I feel much more in my head, observant, open heart, and I still think he seems rather a mess. But no matter what the experience brings, I feel like I passed a lil test in keeping the mantra, listening, opening, and letting him lead.
    And That success feels great! Of anyone who could trigger me, he is the biggest, so to know I could be there and do so well, come home and paint my nails, and not really even think about it or dwell on him again…. AHHHH, JOY! I think I’m getting it! I spent 2 hours on the phone with Iowa, really connecting in loving ways with him- he is so good at being there and paying attention to my moods. He really makes the messy ex look a bit inferior, but as a CD, I may just continue seeing the messy ex…. Or maybe not- as long as it’s fun and feels good. But now I feel strong, and powerful in myself, and I know I will not throw myself into the path of destruction! I know I will trust my boundaries and care for my heart. Thank you Rori!

  287.  #289Lena on January 27, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Hi, Brenda!

    Thank you:)

    We had a dinner last night and its like smth is missing in him… But I decided not to react about it or ask anything.

    I feel like I turned into smth smaller than I used to be. I remember how it felt when we started – I was different. I cared, etc but I was more free I guess. I keep on reading everything here to regain my inner beauty that was so attractive to him. I think I overdid things a lot recently with him and that smth that he said shut down in him is because maybe I am seem too needy or smth and he saw that change in me – from where I was just giving what I wanted to sort of trying to please him. I feel very guilty… Like it was all my fault. Maybe thats why I am like that.

  288.  #290Lena on January 27, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    “Ok, so I did it last night- had a date with the Messy ex who broke mt heart open- I had been all overfunctioning, healing him, focused on him” – Oh, Andrea! Its sounds just like me now!)

  289.  #291Lena on January 27, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Interesting and confusing… He ate at the chinese place last night and we got too much food left… He usually brings food to my house or orders smth. Well thats how it was before or if we take out left overs (which is like half of what we order) – he leaves it in my house. Yesterday we picked it up but forgot to leave it. This am his car brought it to me – I was surprised he remembered. I actually wanted to be silent whole day and let him do what he wants but I felt I have to thank him for thinking about it – there was partcular things that I really liked. I txted thank you and added a FM – that I felt very vulnerable but it felt good when he did this and that…

    He answered laughing and saying that he told me it will make a good breakfast… I am thinking now if I should or shouldnt have sent my FM in the first place… Am I leaning forward like this? I felt ignored with my FM…

    It was so scary and awkward too – to see him. Because he was different – no sweet words, no hugs as usual… I felt sad. Should I have told him about it? But I was afraid we will end up arguing again and maybe its better not to. In the end, when he brought me home – he was standing there near the car sort of not knowing what to do. I tried to hug him and kiss him as usual but it felt awkward…

  290.  #292Lena on January 27, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    Sorry – WE ate at a..))))

  291.  #293Nancy on January 27, 2011 at 9:04 pm


    I’m so happy I came back to check out this thread. WOW. That feels amazing. Your relationship with messy ex sounds so much like my last. And wow, wow, wow, look at you now. I feel inspired!

  292.  #294Brenda on January 27, 2011 at 10:13 pm


    That’s good that he is still seeing you! I don’t know, but maybe he’s giving you another chance. I think it was good to give him a feeling message to thank him for being so thankful. I would want to be acknowledged if I went out of my way to do something considerate like that.

    I am not qualified to respond a lot but I’ll give you some ideas for feeling messages I might have said if I were in your situation:

    “I feel really bad about going all hysterical recently. I would feel so relieved and happy if we could work it out. I want to be my best self, and I am seeking inner healing. What do you think?”

    Or something like that, just from the gut.

    You could also feel it out with the other women, and most of us are on the newest thread here:

  293.  #295Ginni on February 1, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Dear Rori

    Well it happened to me again , I got dumped. Again Rori , I got divorced from a abusive man after 20 years of marriage 6 years ago. I have been so fortunate and have met many men and dated and have had alot of fun. But the then the special one shows up and fireworks and dreams seem to come true. This has happened 3 times now. Three times good looking womenizers that I intialally did not take serious , but they persuded me and even there mothers couldn’t beleive how head over heels in love they were with me? I mean all over me , flowers romance , sex off the charts. Just so sincere and loving , committed , spoke of marriage, up my ass to see me every moment. Well after 6 months , I decide ok this guy is the one, I commit and they get distance and then totally break my heart. Of course when I feel the distance I panic and over reach, and make matter worse. I have your siren program and I have your reconnect program. I have listened and I understand what I do wrong, but when you are in a commited realtionship , you should expect the same you give and I just don’t understand anymore. It really feels like when you don’t care they love you, and when you do they don’t. So is it a toxic man that Im attracted too or is it just me.
    Help me please I want to be better.

  294.  #296Ginni on February 1, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    PS: Also back in July it was my Birthday and I was with this last one that I worte you about , I was stuggling with him not buying me a present , he came over at 12 midnight wished me happy Birthday spent the night we made passionate love 3 times, held hands all nite long and then made me dinner and had a cupcake and candle in it and gave me a card it was sweet , but the card didnt day I love you it said special friend? Anyway I wrote you and you told me to stop and appreciate what I had cause I was gonna make him feel like he could never make me happy. Well that kind of shocked me because I have felt and been told that I am a high maintence type of girl , but I am also a real push over and very nurtering person, and all the things you say are wrong for us to do I do… 🙁 I need serious counciling, my heart is getting damaged. Now I have this new guy I’m not attracted too, he has been pursueing me for 2 years, he gave me a 200 gift certificate for a day spa and a weekend in Vegas for Valentines day? Well its awesome but Im not ready to have sex with him and dont want too, Im still very heart broken ? But I dont want to give up on my opportunties and hes a wonderful nice guy?

  295.  #297Ginni on February 3, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    This sounds great , can i start Monday the 2/6/11 , I know ill be alittle behind , but its better than nothing? Does it matter or can you join in? Rori I know your busy but i have posted several blogs asking for your advice. A little input would be great? i would like to go to Vega next weekend and have fun with a clear mind and not feeling insecure ? If you get a chance can you answer my questions on your question and answer page??

  296.  #298Rori Raye on February 3, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Hi – Ginni
    The Monday class is full – so I opened a Thursday one at 11am PST – you can join – email my assistant at and she’ll let you know how to pay prorated…Love, Rori

  297.  #299Irish Lorenzo on February 4, 2011 at 11:37 am

    My Dear Rori,

    I am a new here in this site and i am great full that i found this site..I really want to a advice or counselling about the relationship i have now.We are childhood sweetheart and more than 20 years we know each other.He is my boyfriend since 16 years old and as a young age we don’t have time to each other and afraid to our parents and friends to show them that we are in a relationship.Until one day when we are in the University we don’t have any communication and i heard that he have already a girlfriend.Until the time that we meet again and the love before is active i mean we in love again we dated and nothing happen between us until i went to other place to work and he continue dated with her girlfriend.And now i he have a illness and he want me to go out in his life but i can’t do because i love him so much.Since i in love with him we are in relation i am faithfully taking care of our relation and i never have relation with other guy only him…Please help me.Thanks

  298.  #300Lauren on September 8, 2011 at 11:23 am

    Hi Everyone, I am new to this site and have recently discovered Rori Raye, and I can’t wait to purchase her ebook.

    I was hoping to get some relationship advice. I recently met a very nice man on a dating site who SEEMS to be everything I’ve been seeking. We are in different states, and so far we’ve been communicating via e-mail and telephone. I already know a lot about this man, including his last name, address, facebook page, etc. Although I’m attracted to him on a mental and emotional level, I’m not very attracted to him physically. I might add that this has happened in previous relationships where the physical attraction wasn’t there causing me to end the relationship. I’ve seen a video of him and several photos, but not much attraction. I am 56, and I want to find the right relationship, but 56 isn’t 26, and I don’t want spend the next 20 years alone.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.