New Year’s 2013 – Let’s Love It…Whatever It Is!

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This is my traditional New Year’s post – and I’d love to create something new with your help….Do you have any traditions for the New Year that feel great for you?

I’d LOVE to put together a post, or a report that has New Years rituals and traditions – goddess ones, shaman ones – things that YOU do that make you feel good! You can put them as comments here, and I’ll copy them off and put them together into a piece! I’ll use the names you use here if that’s okay….

I have a New Year’s Resolution for us all this year – and that resolution is: NO MORE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS!

It just feels all wrong to me.

A “Resolution” seems like something I’d write down for myself to do – or TELL myself to do – that I just DON’T WANT to do.

Like never eating chocolate. Or walking a certain distance or exercising a certain way every day.

The moment my brain hears that “have to” attached to the “resolution” I can FEEL it grating in my mind.

I feel ANNOYED.

And yet, there are so many things I want for myself that I want to find some way to mark them down and get them for myself.

Does this sound familiar to you?

So, what is it YOU want?

If you’re like I was when my relationships weren’t going the way I wanted them to, what you want more than anything is to love, to be loved, and live in “Happy Ever After” forever.

You’ve made “Resolutions” and plans, and suffered and tried to make things happen.

After years of trial-and-error, I finally DID get what I wanted – Happy Ever After. And so can you.

And I’d like to get it for you so much FASTER than the years it took me.

So, if “Resolutions” don’t feel right – what would work better?

Intentions

One of my favorite words, the one that gets me into an easy, receiving, and yet active and just plain good-feeling place is the word “Intend.”

If I “Intend” to do something or have something, the feeling of it is more than a wish, and yet not a real “have to.”

It just means, if I so CHOOSE, I can do that thing or have that thing.

And the nasty voice in my head stays much quieter when I “Intend” instead of “Resolve.”

New Year’s Eve, about 3 months before my husband proposed, was not a happy time for me.

In fact, at the stroke of midnight, dressed up in party clothes and hoping for a lifelong commitment to come out of my then “live-in boyfriend’s” mouth, what I got from him instead was the “I’m not ready” speech.

Instead of “I love you” and let’s get married, I got “I’m not ready.”

I remember being devastated, furious, and half- crazy with confusion.

All I could think was “What do I do now?” Hardly a great time for a resolution.

What I “resolved” at that moment was “To get him to commit to me,” and all that did was push him further away for about a month.

When I finally realized that what I was doing to bring this man – a man I’d been SO SURE of – closer to me and closer to wanting to commit to me, I tried something different.

Instead of “resolving” anything, I just told myself that I’d be OKAY. No matter what.

I see now that I’d “set an Intention” to be “Okay.”

It wasn’t a huge statement to make to myself, but it was all I could manage.

And it was enough to get me started in the right direction.

It got me to Intend to DO some things for MYSELF that would help me be – not just Okay – but sensational, terrific, thrilled, happy, and married.

So, let’s try this new Tool for New Year’s:

THE FUTURE LETTER

Instead of “Resolving” to get your relationship on track and do what it takes to get him across the finish line or to find that special, perfect man who’s right for you, let’s make it as if it’s really, already happened!

Let’s write a Future Letter to ourselves.

Here’s how:

Get out a piece of paper, or on your computer’s fine.

Date this letter one year from now – New Year’s 2010.

You’ll be writing this letter to yourself (or write to ME if you’d like – I’ll read it and hold the space for you to have this fabulous year you’re going to write about)…so you’ll start with “Dear (your name) or Dear Rori…

Now, think of exactly what you want for yourself in this next year, and exactly how it’s going to go – EVERYTHING you want.

Write about money – write EXACTLY how much money you want coming in every month, where that money will be coming from, and EXACTLY how you’re going to spend it.

Don’t be stingy with your imagination here – make it a LOT of money, but something your brain will see as DO-ABLE, not just a fantasy.

Make it a high salary for someone with your kind of job, and make it a job in an environment you enjoy…

Make it up so it feels GOOD.

And then write about all the LOVE, ROMANCE AND RELATIONSHIP you want to experience in 2010.

And let’s set another rule here for that – let’s make it about the BIG PICTURE.

Instead of making it about the boyfriend you have who’s causing you pain now, or the man you have a crush on who isn’t paying you enough attention now, or your husband who’s going through some hard times and making your life unhappy now – let’s make it about what would feel GOOD.

How does that look for you?

Make it about a man with a movie star face – not a specific man, but imagine how it is he holds you – how he touches you, what his face looks like when he smiles at you.

Imagine getting attention and love without WORKING for it.

Imagine getting great sex AND friendship – all together instead of just one or the other.

Imagine feeling respected and loved, and imagine feeling SECURE and COMMITTED.

And as you’re imagining all this, now comes the IMPORTANT PART:

I want you to imagine that this has ALREADY HAPPENED!

You’ve dated the letter a year from now, so I want you to write about all this great stuff as if you’re looking BACK at how it happened and how it felt while it was happening, and how it feels NOW to have EXACTLY what you want.

Write about other things, too.

Write about the FUN you had – perhaps you went on a vacation with your wonderful man.

Perhaps you got a financial bonus from work, or your business took off and got so much more successful, or you got the job you always wanted.

Perhaps your self-esteem took a huge leap and you can see how your confidence has been building over this year you’re writing about.

Perhaps a phenomenal man just dropped from the sky, knew you were the one for him right away, and it’s been heaven-on-earth ever since.

Perhaps you were surprised, out-of-the-blue, by a proposal for the totally committed relationship you’ve always wanted.

Perhaps all health issues have cleared up, all depression’s gone, and you can look back over this year and hear your own self LAUGHING.

I’m going to write my own letter today, and paste it on my office wall to remind me every moment that this is the life I EXPECT to have in the coming year – because this is the way it has – in my letter – ALREADY HAPPENED.

I’m going to write about YOU, and how you’ve had an incredible year, and how you’ve found a magnificent, committed relationship so fast, and how amazing it feels to me to know I’ve helped you in some way, and that we’ve been able to talk, you and I, through your emails and my eletters and programs.

This might sound like a fantasy exercise, but the truth is – our brains don’t know the difference.

If we tell ourselves that something is true – and especially if we WRITE it down – our minds believe it just as if it IS true.

That’s how we all mow down our self-esteem by telling ourselves icky things about ourselves.

Our minds believe the icky thoughts, and then our confidence goes down the tubes, and then those things we only TOLD ourselves were true start to LOOK true in our lives.

If we tell ourselves we don’t deserve any more love and commitment than we’re getting right now – we tend to attract and be attracted to men who WON’T be giving us the love and commitment we want and actually DO deserve.

If we tell ourselves we don’t deserve any more love and commitment than we’re getting right now – we tend to push away any love our man DOES want to give us, and then everything in the relationship gets worse.

And why do we all tend to do this? To sell ourselves short and undermine our own success?

Because we’ve been TAUGHT to do life this way. We’ve been told things like “Don’t get your hopes up.”

And we’ve been told that having dreams and believing they’ll come true is “stuck up,” and being “conceited,” and that we need to “get over ourselves.”

We’ve been told we’re “lucky” to have a man.

That good man are “few,” and that good relationships are “hard.”

We’ve been taught to have low expectations so that we don’t disappoint ourselves.

Even when we catch ourselves imagining that something will turn out great – we stop ourselves.

As if believing in ourselves and that we can have EXACTLY what we want in life and in our relationship isn’t the right way to think.

And all that is just WRONG.

The TRUTH is just the opposite.

The more you believe in yourself, the greater your chances for having what you want.

We all know how awful it feels when we have high hopes for something that doesn’t work out.

Like when we REALLY like that man we went out with and can practically see ourselves in our wedding dress, and then he never calls again.

When these things happen, we sometimes blame not only ourselves for not sewing up the man – but we blame even the DESIRE for those things.

As if it was the WANTING of those things that made it all go bad.

And that’s NOT what happened.

What helps make things go bad is the “vibe” we create around our wanting of that thing – and when that vibe starts to feel like desperation and need – like “I have to have that man or I’ll die,” or “If he doesn’t call again, I’ll be destroyed,” THAT’S how we can sabotage ourselves.

So, what the man who’s been dating you for days, or weeks, or months or years “gets” from you can be either your HIGH opinion of yourself, along with your DESIRE for the part or for a relationship, or your LOW opinion of yourself, along with your NEED for the part or for HIM.

And which one do you think is most likely to get you what you want?

So with this Future Letter, you’re telling yourself that: Not only is it OKAY to dream BIG and want what you want, but that dreaming BIG is the WAY to GET what you want.

So tell it all.

Make it like a script to a movie about your year that you’ve ALREADY SEEN.

Make your movie a triumph of personal power and confidence.

On the day you date this letter – January 1st 2010 – make it so it’s all already happened.

Look back on 2009 and see all the steps you took to make it happen, all the Rori Raye Tools you used and how they worked for you like magic.

See yourself HAPPY every step of the way.

I’ll be writing my Future Letter tonight, and would love to read yours, too.

Remember to make it GOOD! And remember to write it as though it’s all already happened, just the way you want it.

Love to you, and the next time we talk, we’ll both be living in this great, new, beautifully imagined and ALREADY SUCCESSFUL new year.

Love, Rori

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122 Comments

  1.  #1Cris on December 30, 2013 at 7:57 am

    thank you

    I used to have no resolution at all on NYE, but 2014 will be dufferent. I will really pursue my dream of being loved with the intimacy that was lost!!



  2.  #2Amber on December 30, 2013 at 9:26 am

    I love this idea and i’m going to do it. A fabulous raise because i truly love my job and the people i work with. A new vehicle with excellent gas mileage. An amazing relationship with a beautiful man who LOVES nothing more than to make me happy. My biggest wish last year was to be with my sister and you know what? She moved across the country and lives 5 minutes from me now. We CAN have what we want, and i want it ALL.
    Cheers, Sirens, 2014 is going to be everything we EXPECT it to be. Let’s have some GREAT expectations! XOXO



  3.  #3Femininewoman on December 30, 2013 at 9:29 am

    I’m loving it 🙂



  4.  #4Femininewoman on December 30, 2013 at 9:38 am

    I know this works because at the end of 2012 I set an intention to make $1,000 extra per month and some months I made even more than that. This idea feels real juicy to apply for the rest of my life.



  5.  #5Lisa on December 30, 2013 at 10:06 am

    I don’t do resolutions either…. well b/c I check in with myself constantly and when I’m determined to do something, I do it… or work my way to do it… and so I don’t really need new years… to be a motivation for it…. however, I do try to do a hike on New years day…. just to start my year off with love, BEing and nature… a hike gets me connected to myself and God… it feels good to hike on NYD….

    Other than that I feel an inner need to start organizing and getting rid of old stuff I don’t use…. get caught up on things…. just feels like nesting to me…

    @FW last post…. about MA and MR

    My gut told me that MR would ask me out anyways, he had expressed interest before back in Sept…. as for MA well I haven’t had a thought about him really… I’m not putting energy into it… that I’m aware of, other than giving my number…. however yes, I think in order to win they might have to go out with me…. but it was fun anyways no matter what transpires….

    Now I have to figure out if I want to go out with “G” who I think is considerably older than I… but I like that he says I’m the most interesting women he has met in a long time…

    “D” wrote me late last night to say he’d be here on the 7th…wow… I’m excited… I really love, love how he reads me so well and communicates his feelings so well…. give me shivers…

    “J” I think might not ever come to happen and I’m ok with that…. circle dating is fun

    OXOXOX



  6.  #6Sophie on December 30, 2013 at 10:07 am

    This time next year I’m going to be living in the sunshine by the sea and the money’s going to be flowing into my bank account easily without any efforting from me at all and i’m going to be all healthy and floaty on seafood and fruit and water and i’m not even going to be caring about any man i’m just going to be happy that i’m me and grateful to be feeling so relaxed and alive and happy and i’m going to feel very blessed and very loved because I am already very blessed and very loved and that is going to grow and grow…

    ahhhhh I love living in my ideal world x and so it is 🙂



  7.  #7Linda on December 30, 2013 at 10:38 am

    I am thankful for this community..

    THe different voices and experience help so much. I dont feel like I am on an island.

    I feel like I have been living on a planet that is a mirror of what most of us ladies live. We all seem to find this blog because of frustration or hurt or despair because we love and want a man and want him to step up, call, include us in his life all the way, talking about the future all of it and they arent.

    The relationship that I lived thru this last year with the man I called FavoriteCD was like a role reversal relationship. So many of the things that this blog helps us understand that we do to drive a man away is exactly what I lived thru and it eventually over time it drove me away. Basically he had so many unspoken “expectations” that when I did not meet them he would blow up on me. Where I was once so open and felt loving and safe I began to feel guarded.. and over the years time I completely shut down emotionally . There was hardly ever a time where there was not some type of drama stirred up (from outside or from within the relationship) and the dust just fromof them always was in the filled my lungs. I never felt like I could take a deep breath and just relax and “enjoy” him or us.

    He truly is a good guy. He is honest, giving, affectionate, compassionate, loving, handsome, attentive, chiverous, gentlemanly, a hard worker, wonderful father, family man awesome lover and shares my same religous faith. Wow what a list!!

    Emotionally he is a boy man. He is insecure, angry, wounded, needy, clingy, manipulative, demanding, ultra sensitive, gives with “strings”, pouty, sulks, plays games, punishes, an emotional bully and controlling. i not sure what drives all this in him but that NOT my job to FIX him. Even though he offered more than once to go to anger management, see a counsellor, do anything to make it better… he did’nt.

    This relationship did not feel like love though there were many parts of it were very enjoyable. I was not easy. Sometimes I felt treasured, sometimes I felt like he was trying to swallow me up.. ingest me and I would disappear. Tension arose for me in lots of areas. I lost the ability to “melt” .I simply did not feel safe. I guess after a year I felt like dog whos owner was loving and giving but would then would kick it if he did not do what he wanted. At first the dog loves the owner is so glad to see him.. wants to snuggle close.. but after time keeps decides to keep its and cowers in fear. (and the owner wonders why it does not act like it used to)?? !!I

    Sirens, we are the prize. Men know that. Even he acknowledges that I was and still am. Even with all this.. I get to CHOOSE. I dont have to settle. I feel love for him… but I am not “in love” with him.

    This community has helped me grow so much. I would not have had the strength to walk away and the times I stayed.. I learned. I feel greatful.. not piney, sad yes, some sense of loss, but relief. I explored and re-explored this and it is simply not the relationship that is good for me.

    I am sharing because maybe it will help one of you beautiful sirens. xoxo



  8.  #8kyla on December 30, 2013 at 11:08 am

    I use tools like this often, they do work. I like this letter idea. I feel inspired to write one to myself tonight.

    I am feeling excited, I bought Rori’s entire collection as a Christmas present to myself. I am enjoying it so much already. I feel curious to leran more about me!



  9.  #9Iris on December 30, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Great great great post!!!

    I intend to love myself during times when I feel most resistant. Choices…I often struggle with figuring out what I REALLY want, and doing things because they are the norm.

    For example, this New Years Eve, I feel torn. I feel this social obligation to go out on New Years Eve, to ensure that I am not alone when the clock strikes midnight. But at the same time, staying at home by myself sounds very appealing too.

    I intend to listen to my heart as it is my compass, and make choices that are best for me; not because it seems “normal”.



  10.  #10Dominique on December 30, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    I don’t normally post my articles other than in context with something one of you are dealing with, yet this time of year can feel difficult, so ….

    http://sexandheart.com/happy-happy-happy-new-year-2014/

    xxoo



  11.  #11kyla on December 30, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    A new moon falls on new year’s day this year, that’s like a extra blank slate!
    2013 for me was about reaching my goals career wise, earning the money I deserve, starting a new career chapter and also wrapping up some old stuff that was ready to be released to let in new and better feeling stuff, like cancelling my wedding and letting R go.
    2014 is my year for fresh starts in love, home and friendships and now that I’ve got a new moon too I feel even more enthused! This is my year to FEEL and follow my passions.



  12.  #12Amber on December 30, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    Thank you, Dominique. It’s easier not to feel bad about what I don’t have when I remind myself of what I DO have.
    I posted here a few blogs back that all I wanted for Christmas was a second chance with (T)
    I think that wish is coming true, and I realized that I’m not anxious about the outcome at all. I am leaning back, feeling my feelings, loving myself and being patient with both of us. I am consciously opening my heart when I am with him, and even when I just think of him. He is a beautiful man but he is not the ONLY man and just realizing this has made it easier not to try to snap him up and put him back in the cage…
    Best wishes to everyone for a safe and happy new year!



  13.  #13Dominique on December 30, 2013 at 1:04 pm

    Amber – I love this. 🙂

    xxoo



  14.  #14Luzydel on December 30, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    2013 was about being open regardless. to express my feelings regardless; And take the risk of being hurt plenty of times. Because that is what relationships are, taking the risk of getting hurt. I did and I got hurt more than I ask for. Now I feel like I have been vaccinated against kicks to my heart.

    I did that while wearing my ring, which I never took off, as a reminder of my commitment to become a better person.

    I got another ring which I will wear for 2014 and will make another promise to myself. Because for me that is what real commitment is, not a promise a man makes or any one else; but the promise I make to myself.

    I will promise to keep it simple…

    If a relationship doesn’t work; he simply wasn’t the man for me. Try again.

    Keep my house out of clutter and recycle some stuff and throw away/donate others.

    have another trip somewhere who knows maybe a cruise.

    Write more, Love more, smile more.
    spend less, need less, have less.

    Not take things personal, at the end if someone does something is simply who they are; nothing to do with who I am.

    Not look for Love anymore, because Love is not gone. It has always been inside of me. Just keep my heart open; to just love and be able to let go.

    Happy New year!



  15.  #15prplpsn28 on December 30, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    I will not have any resolutions this year. Just hoping 2014 will be much better.



  16.  #16wanda on December 30, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    Linda #7,We must have Dated the same Man…You describe exactly how my Year with Mr. Love Of My Life went. After so many Start and Stops,with him retreating for Months,I finally started No Contact…it has been 7 Months now and I finally feel alive again. He last tried to contact me on my Birthday in November..Sent a Card and said he would call…thank goodness my Phone was out of order so I did not have to be strong….Happy New Year everyone.



  17.  #17Amazing Me on December 30, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    Rori, I have a question for you. I feel lost. Over the last few years I have been reading too much relationship advice, feels like a kind of addiction. I don’t feel like my own self. I analyze nearly every move, words etc in my relationship, thinking what I “should” say or do, I feel like I can’t actually hear what I WANT to say or do anymore. I feel disconnected from myself and it’s not helping. How can I connect to my inner self?



  18.  #18Dominique on December 30, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Amazing Me – Have you tried meditating? There are all kinds of wonderful youtube guided meditations available. I like the mindfulness ones for what you describe is going on for you. Try out different ones to find what might resonate with you, help you get back in touch with you.

    Exploring your feelings with an open mind, with curiosity, no agenda, no expectations. Love on them regardless of what they are could help too.

    xxoo



  19.  #19Shannon on December 30, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    Dear Rori,

    I rang in 2014 feeling deeply sad, and feeling afraid. I had just started trying to circular date, but my self-esteem was low.

    Intellectually, I knew that all endings hold the seeds of a new beginning, but I wasn’t feeling that hope yet. When I went out on my first circular date, something happened. Everything changed. It was as if the lightbulb went off in my heart–not my mind. My heart opened, not because of the man I was with, but because I realized in that moment that there were men in the world who found me beautiful and wonderful.

    It sank in for me that I was created to be receptive and accepting. I didn’t need to do anything, I didn’t need to be anything… I could be like a drinking glass; I could hold only what I was given. I understood on a deep level that I had been trying to give when I was empty.

    In that moment, I let it all go. It was an epiphany, and it changed everything inside me and outside me. I became that drinking glass… a beautiful, perfect, crystal drinking glass…

    Ready to be filled with the sweetest ambrosia (love). I let my heart open like the mouth of that drinking glass, and I stopped trying to pour out what wasn’t there. I began to allow others to fill me up and in so doing, give themselves the life-giving magic of the love they had given to me.

    Then it all came together. Just like that. I got a contract from a major publisher. My books hit the best-seller list within a few months. Letting the stories flow through me again was as easy as it had been before I’d tried to guide them. And people loved them; they love giving me money.

    My leap forward was so profound that it allowed me to get a contract not only from a publisher, but also from a TV station, who wants to turn my books into a series. This happened because I stopped resisting. I welcomed what was given to me, and I became willing to let it all in. I had been so busy trying, so busy working, that I had blocked the wonderful things that wanted to flow into my glass and fill it all up.

    I’ve stopped pouring everything out all the time, and now there is so much money and love coming to me that it overflows the glass… and people around me feel filled with it, like magic. My heart is so full, and so many people around me feel relieved to finally be allowed to let their surplus go to where it’s needed.

    It all happened so fast. I look back over the last year, and I feel amazed and profoundly joyful. As I look at the TV and watch the ball drop on 2015, I have to say that I stayed up tonight to this time, just to say “Thank you” at this very special moment.

    I live in a beautiful home, refurbished this year to look the way I want it to. I could afford it. I have that beautiful 2014 Jeep Dragon Edition that I wanted. In 2013, I couldn’t see how I could ever have it, but I do. And it’s as beautiful, comfortable, and warm as I imagined. I feel rich when I drive it.

    My daughter is so happy. She clearly feels loved and wanted, and she is absolutely thriving. It feels so good to hear her laughter and to watch her growing closer and closer to her friends. She has made great strides in caring for herself, and manages most of her care herself, with some help from us on some things.

    I feel so much peace. And these days, I embrace being triggered. I am even able to embrace my fear; it feels like growth now.

    I never thought I’d be able to say this, but I am more in love now than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I used to experience some pain with sex, but now I experience only pleasure and true joy. I truly feel connected to my husband when we make love–and I truly feel like it’s making love. I never imagined I’d be married within a year, and yet, here I am. I look at the wedding band and engagement ring combo on my finger, and I laugh to think that once I thought such things unimportant. I realize now that they are gifts of love and that they have a deeper meaning that I hadn’t understood before.

    As I close this letter, I have to say that I feel like today is the first day of the rest of my life–and I feel that way most days now. I’m going to go wake my husband up and savor the dramatic changes in my life. It is beautiful, and I am so grateful. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… from a single moment of realization and acceptance. Yes, it can.

    Thank you,
    Shannon



  20.  #20Emerson on December 30, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    14 luzydel I love it
    I feel inspired to buy a ring !!!



  21.  #21Emerson on December 30, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    18 hi Dominique can you suggest one!?



  22.  #22Brenda on December 30, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    We spent my bday together and just recently spent his bday together the whole day.He uses my car sometimes and Christmas eve he picked me up from work and when I was getting out my car I noticed an extravagant bag on my backseat for.He said it was my gift and he’ll give it to me on Christmas, I was so excited. He asked me what was I getting him and I told him bulls tickets he said no just give him the money now so I did and he dropped me off and left that night and didn’t return. He has kids with 3 different women so I knew he wouldn’t spend Christmas with me so I called him at 3pm and told him that I know he wants to spend time with his kids could he bring my car and I’d drop him back off at his Moms, he said ok that he was k n his way.
    At 8pm I text and told him I want ro go to my moms to see my brother he said ok he’d be to my house in a min with my gift.

    I feel asleep and it was a knock on the door by this time it was 11pm.At the door was his father he said that his son told him to bring my car that he was too tired.

    I was so confused and hurt I grabbed a suitcase that he had left and put some clothes and papers that belonged to him and I put it in my trunk and dropped his Dad off.

    I asked his dad to ask him to give my door keys and his dad came back down and said he’s knocked out and he couldn’t get my keys.

    Then I got a text from him saying why am I causing drama and putting his parents in his business and that he wpuld show me not to play with him.

    The next day he was in my house and complaining about his money missing.I had took his 300 since I didn’t get a gift and I had already gave him 200 on Christmas eve.He hit me took my debit card and demanded my pin num then he made me take my clothes off said that would be the last time he had sex with me and then he got up and left.



  23.  #23Brenda on December 30, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    On and off relationship since 2002 and I feel like my heart has been broken over and over and I allowed it like an idiot. He has been come around a lot lately since around may staying days at my house, and coming over everyday because it is close to his job, however it is plenty of days he’s not working and he is at my house when I’m at work and there when I get back.

    I asked him if he had fall out with one of his baby mothers he has 3 that I know of and one that ran off and left his 2 daughters with him which they live with his mom.So I asked him what was it that he was at my house everyday he said that he could be anywhere that he has several keys but he wants to be with me.We are really close when he is at my house and when he leaves we talk once on the phone but he rarely leaves he may stay a night or 2 at his moms so he says.

    He has ties with these woman and it makes me uncomfortable he has a car in one of there names that he had a bad accident in a few mths ago and a cell in another’s name.One dYnamic he and I had words because I asked him to give me half 50 bucks on my broken tv to get it out the shop he said give him a few weeks.He said he was trying to get stuff together with his car at this point his car had been sitting up for going on 2 mths because insurance out pay for it and my tv had been sitting the same amount of time.
    I kinda got agitated so I asked if he was soon to be with me completely why is it that he has the car in her name he said he asked me and I said no which was true but I did later say yes.So then he went on to say if something happens to him he would let her have the car for the baby so I went ballistic.

    How can u be giving her a car when u have borrowed money from me and not paid it back and u been at my house for the past mths and won’t get my tv out the shop.He said that I worry about the wrong stuff and they aren’t worried about me.He left but came back the next day to get his things for work and I was there with a friend because I thought that was the end of our situation. He seen the guy and asked me to pack his things I did but he also told me to tell my friend to leave so I did.He got all him things but wouldn’t give my keys we argued and he left but came back the next day we argued again , had sex and he left.

    We start having some good days after that more closeness or so I thought til one day I came home and seen one of his baby moms outside and he was getting cult out her backseat and he came back in the house.I was so angry I told him if it didn’t have anything to do with there child she shouldn’t come to my house.

    He said it wasn’t anything if it was she wouldn’t be dropping his clothes off.That night he came in and we had a fight he was angry I didn’t hang his clothes up.He woke me up and said I don’t know how to love him that he was leaving so I said ok, but he didn’t leave he kept complaining and we wind up falling to sleep and making love in the am and he said I don’t know how to love him that he’s out of my league but he loves me and he’s not mad at me.

    Time goes by and we didn’t spend thanksgiving together he came to the house earlier while I was at work and left .The next day he shows up with 2 of his kids he has 5 and I let him know it wasn’t a good feeling that we didn’t spend the holiday together and if he wants to be with someone else its ok with me that we can just end our situation now.He layed down and told me to shut up he wouldn’t leave and I gave in once again.

    Time goes by and a baby mother calls him at 11pm to go to the hospital their baby was sick.I asked him if he wanted me to take him he said no his dad was coming then he switched it and said that the baby mom was coming. This particular one I have read messages on his phone he has let me read and I don’t feel he has feelings for her like the other 2 so her picking him up from my house for reasons for the baby was ok.



  24.  #24Brenda on December 30, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    Before he left I asked him is he in love with someone he said no I asked him so what are he and I doing? He said he working on things with me but I make it hard because I keep packing his clothes and complaining. So I asked if he was in love with the baby mom that drop the clothes off at my house he said no but she is bout the only one thAt he knows really want to be with him but he doesn’t want her she just has good qualities that he wished I had some.So I told him it sounds as though he loves her and that I’m not mad I just think u should remove your things and focus on what u want and who u want he said I was taking things the wrong way and his ride came and he left.

    The next morn he called and said that the crazy baby mom didn’t want to bring him back last night and he had to wait til the morn to get a ride he said thAt she told him she wouldn’t be dropping him off at another woman’s house.He said he doesn’t want her and he’s sick of her .I just listened and told him he needs to find a way they can get along.

    When he got to my house I felt the need to address the things he said about liking one of the baby moms qualities. I said I am all for constructive criticism but it felt like a steak through my heart to be compared to her and that he needs to leave because I most definitely ain’t what he’s looking for and its ok that I’m not mad at him that he’s entitled to love who he wants, he said he isn’t in love with her why would he be with me all these months.

    He wouldn’t leave and I thought I was strong enough to handle the situation he slept with me 4 or more nights a week some days we wouldn’t leave the house, he started bringing his kids over more and interacting with mines alot more.He and I spent his whole bday together the whole day just a week ago.

    So he left me on Christmas but his thing was that he fell asleep , I am so hurt.
    What I’m trying to figure out is what happened? Did he decide to be back with the baby mom? And why is it that I asked him twice if he loved someone else that I wouod be ok that he just need to leave my house, why at that point he just didn’t leave.He picked Christmas day and I gave him 200 on Christmas eve and he didn’t give me anything.

    I’m so messed up I have bruises on my arm from him coming to my house the day after Christmas saying I owe him money , I did take his that he left at my house I felt if we weren’t exchanging gifts I may as well keep his 300.When he got to my house I gave him 180 and asked him to leave he made me get in the car and give him my debit card and he took 200 off, he made me come back home take my clothes and have sex.

    He went sat in the front as though he was waiting on a ride he told me to sit next to him and don’t talk and anytime I said anything he hit me he stomped me on the floor.He said I was selfish because he was spending time with his kids and People tell him he should kick my butt because I am wrong.
    I sat next to him crying he got up said he was walking to the store did I want something back he left and never came back.I was devastated I got my money taken and bruises so I called the woman and asked her was he with her she said no to take my problems up with him.I told I was wondering if they still had something on because a week ago she came and picked him up he said she just dropped him off this is the baby mom he says he loves her qualities not the one he say is crazy.This one that dropped his clothes at my house from the cleaners I know of now has picked him up from my house a few times from the fighting and arguing we had he admitted it said she would drop him off at his moms some nights if I was sleeping, nothing to do with there child which I told him that was the only way any one of them should be coming by my house .So I called her and I asked her if they were in a relationship she said they have a son and she would come by my house anytime she feels like it if it has anything to do with her son and I asked was her dropping his clothes had anything to do with there son or her picking him up for other things gs she said for me to take it up with him and I told her I did and now I’m letting her know that that’s not acceptable for me that I don’t come to her house and she asked me what was I gone drop that she is tired of me, so I told her that the convoy was over that she wouldn’t have to be tired of me anymore.

    I feel stupid and want my money back, during the arguing and fighting he told me that I didn’t deserve a gift, so I asked him does his baby mother deserve one and he said yes that she’s always there for him and he doesn’t have to argue with her.She knows he’s with me and she knows if she want him in her life that she has to accept that and she did and she’s been trying to get him back and I’m to stupid to see it, that he’s spending all his time with me.It sounded like b.s. to me.

    Right now I’m broke and angry I don’t feel love and I don’t want to be back in that situation I just feel blindsided. I asked him if he wanted to be with her that I wouldn’t be mad he just needed to leave my house.

    I just wish I could get an apology and my money back .I vision him with her and I feel stupid that he treats her well got her a good gift for Christmas and didn’t get me anything and he’s been at my house 7 or more mths not paying bills not buying food and I stopped expecting him to do anything after I seen he never stepped up and it helped me to be less angry at him about those things.

    Am I wrong ? I feel crazy and stupid what did I do wrong so I will never do it again with any man.



  25.  #25Amber on December 30, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    Shannon 19
    ((HUGS))
    that was beautiful! Thank you for sharing!
    I am feeling so vulnerable right now. Reconnecting with (T) triggered this and I don’t want to make it “about” him.
    I love my vulnerability
    I love my open, accepting heart
    I can take care of that little girl inside me, I am capable
    She loves (T) and wants HIM to take care of her. I must lovingly prevent this. She interferes with my ability to receive love from men.
    Wow!
    All of that just poured out.
    Thanks, Sirens, for giving me a safe, sacred space to feel.
    Cheers!



  26.  #26angela on December 30, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    Dear Rori,

    This past year (2014) was honestly, amazing. I feel all emotional writing about it, tearful.
    I stepped into being the person I was scared to be in 2013.
    I absolutely love myself.
    It happened fairly quickly when I practiced embracing all parts of myself.
    Opening up not being afraid of my desires.
    I guess it happened because I allowed myself to feel, like you recommend!
    This past 2014 I got the best grades Ive ever gotten in school, I am almost done with school all because of my hard work.
    I found out what I wanted to do with my life.
    I wrote an article for a popular paper nothing fancy but it kinda made me popular.
    I took a risk and wow I guess I am talented. Ive been told that I have a special quality I make people feel good and relaxed and opened up.
    I have a job doing interviews which I love its so freeing to sit down and talk to other people, we all have a story it s a beautiful thing.
    I am paid a very good amount of money for student.
    This job makes me so happy Rori.
    I am happy!
    And here goes the extra happy part of my life.
    I found the love of my life or he found me.
    It was so natural and unexpected.
    Hes so handsome, loving, kind fun, energetic, happy, respectful and funny! Oh and confident.
    He makes me feel alive!
    He loves me!
    Our friendship is a big part of our relationship he listens to me, thinks my opinion is valuable.
    The sex is amazing he’s all I’ve ever wanted sexually.
    Ive never experienced intimacy like this before I want him and he wants me.

    I am so comfortable being myself loving myself in his presence.
    He texts me and calls me every night.
    He hugs me so tight. He’s so proud that we are together.
    His family is kind and loves me. I love them I LOVE HIM!
    The way he kisses, well ive never been kissed like that before we are a perfect match! Sexually and in every other way.
    Its amazing he loves all of me- even what I once perceived to be flaws.
    He makes me feel relaxed protected normal beautiful confident all the things a man should make you feel.
    He send s Roses writes texts that are honest and from his heart! Buys me books.
    We go on hikes, walks, to restaurants (he pays and hes ok with it ) we go dancing, we watch movies together. We are happy together.

    He wants to marry me! He wants me to be part of his life forever!
    I said I want to wait and hes ok with that.
    Hes seen all sides of me and finds me completely normal.
    He s been there for me those nights when I cant sleep when I am having trouble when I am sad. He helps me make sense of life.
    He is my partner Rori and he loves and accepts me.
    Weve been on trips my favorite was Mexico because it was such a happy place for both of us he loved it just as much as I do. We went sightseeing ate yummy food, made love, met new people travelled all over.

    He loves my dog too.
    He takes him on walks.
    This man is educated rich in every way hes so special.
    I didn’t believe a man could love me this much but he does and I believe it. This love is real Rori.
    I love him and make him feel good thats what he says i let him take the lead in the relationship.
    He says i am the love of his life.
    ROri this past year I felt so confident
    Im soo in touch with my heart I operate from it more now, and it makes me absolutely happy.
    I finally love all of myself and it brought me more friends never ending happy relationships. Things are good because I learned to be good to myself and it happened so quickly.
    When I learned to be kind and loving towards myself when I saw reality.
    Depression is 100% gone and I made peace with it.
    Its ok I was depressed for most of 2013 It only made me wiser!
    But 2014 was all about love and my beautiful side coming out to love and embrace life.
    Im so happy Rori I ve been so happy this year.
    I am fearless!
    I don’t feel anything is wrong with me anymore nor am I trying to solve anything anymore I believe things are as they should be I love it all.
    I love.



  27.  #27Tereana on December 30, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    OOh, this is nice. I can’t remember if I read this New Year’s post last year, but I definitely am going to write myself a letter this year. Maybe seal it up and put it somewhere where I can read it on next New Year’s Eve and see what happened.

    And I like this waaaay better than resolutions. I’ve never been a big one for resolutions myself, and I think Rori really hit the nail on the head with the psychology. Even if the thing you “resolve” to do really IS something that you want, making it about what you “will” do puts it always in the future. Therefore, even if you feel very “resolved” to do it – even if you have great intention – it’s still in the future. And you can never really reach the future, because as soon as you get there, it’s the present. Lol. So writing the letter is great, because the future is now! If our future letter looks at now as the past, the now is definitely now! All kinds of nows. Leading up to another new now. Lol. This is feeling silly and I’m not even sure if it’s making sense, except to me. And that’s okay 🙂

    I am loving me NOW. I am doing all kinds of things, and just going with my feelings, all kinds of feelings. I took a day off from work to take care of ME and to get things done that I really needed, even though it would have been possible to just put my head down and work.

    And this morning, I wasn’t even sure if I would send the card I had for S. I felt like, “eh, why send it? It felt good to write. Maybe that was just for me.” I decided to wait to see if anything I felt shifted, or if anything I learned would change my mind. Well, it did. I was reminded of flirting. That when you want to flirt with a guy, sometimes you have to go all out and be really obvious about it. And here I was, just stuffing down and hiding all my flirty confidence, including with this card. So what did I do? Around 4:30, with the post office about to close, I addressed the envelope, sealed it up, and drove it to the post office, to make sure it would go out in the mail TODAY. He might get it this week. But honestly, it doesn’t matter. It is out in the world. It is about INTERACTING with the world. Not just holding myself back, and hoping that people “notice” me. I have to speak up sometimes, if I want someone to see me.

    AND… at the same time, I’m doing some processing about this man. It is really, really, really important that he doesn’t want kids and I do. That is, it is really, really important for me to have kids. I don’t quite buy his argument against it, nor do I completely buy that no part of him would enjoy parenting (I believe he would actually enjoy it quite a lot. I believe it would be the absolute joy of his life and he doesn’t know what he’s missing, or else he does, and he just wants to miss it, for some reason. Whatever). I’ve just learned that you can’t really convince people to make a different decision. I’m not trying to “reel him in,” either, since our divergence on this subject is not exactly reconcilable when it comes to relationship. So what I get to do, for myself, is realize that there will always be a little place for him in my heart. I can have love for him and yet realize that it is absolutely not necessary that we be together. And that, in many ways, it is almost certainly best if we are not. And that’s okay.

    I feel much more peace, joy, exuberance, with all of this.

    I feel like letting it all go. Even my desire to have children. I can let that go into a…hey, let’s just see what happens. It could be soooo easy to have children. There is literally almost nothing stopping me. No real, actual roadblocks. I am just on the road, and it may be I am not at that intersection yet.

    So I let myself feel the yearning. I let myself feel the desire in my heart, which is such a deep desire that it’s just there. I can try and find a reason for it, but there really is no reason. And I don’t want one. It just is. And I feel like loving this part of me.

    And S was important to me, because he brought me even closer to this desire. He has made me realize, with utter clarity, how deeply this is a part of me, and how much I wish to be truly naked about it and unashamed. I don’t want to be swayed by ideas of women and the idea of childbearing as an “inconvenience” that holds back the rest of your life. That IS my life. If anything, I have been holding myself back from truly stepping forward and living into this part of me, which is a hugely important part of me. And now, just knowing this about me with more clarity, I feel like I am more aligned with myself. It allowed me to say a resounding NO to a man who was offering me much, much, much, much, much less than what I want and deserve (not S, but another guy).

    S has HELPED me. A LOT. And I feel SO grateful, in my heart. I absolutely do not need him here, in order to feel that gratitude. He has done exactly what was needed of him to do. He did not even KNOW how much he was giving me. It was a lot. And I feel so appreciative.

    And when I write my future letter, it will be private, and only for myself. Right now, I feel like I am going into this next year with a clear heart, a clear mind, some excitement, some support, some solidity, a lot of peace, and a greater self-awareness.

    I’m loving it already. 2014 is a great year!



  28.  #28Amber on December 30, 2013 at 10:08 pm

    ((Angela)) 23
    beautiful!!



  29.  #29Zia on December 30, 2013 at 11:24 pm

    9 and a half hours till the new year over here – just want to wish all you lovely sirens a happy happy new years – may you get your new years kiss and may 2014 be amazing xx



  30.  #30Amber on December 30, 2013 at 11:32 pm

    Hi Sirens,
    I’m just putting a commitment in writing so bear with me. I so feel like leaning forward because I haven’t heard from (T) in two days. (Why does this feel like an eternity?!?!? We didn’t speak a word to each other for a MONTH and I lived, sheesh!) So I am now committed, and you are all my witnesses, that I WILL complete Rori’s Reconnect Your Relationship Program (again, I’ve already listened to it once) BEFORE I contact him. Perhaps by the end of the program I won’t feel the need. If I do, I will know that I can do it in a loving, open and receiving way. Listening to the program is my way of focusing on ME instead of him.
    Cheers!



  31.  #31Rori Raye on December 30, 2013 at 11:36 pm

    Brenda, Welcome, and I’m so sorry your life is filled with so much drama and pain, and that you believe that the situation you’re in is somehow “normal” and all that you deserve.

    There is a bigger world than what you are experiencing. There are people with different ways of thinking, higher expectations of what life can be, different goals in life and love. People who are not pushed around by their own anger, insecurities, violence, selfishness, small thinking, past experience and education. People who feel and show respect for other people. I encourage you to find people like that, and begin to distance yourself from people who think so little of other people.

    I encourage you to get help. To educate yourself so you can get work that pays you decently and helps you develop your skills and talents. To find church and other groups that teach communication and life skills, where you can find new friends who don’t take advantage of other people. If what you truly want in your life is this kind of drama and pain (and many do want that) – then you have exactly what you want.

    If you want something else, you need to move in other directions. Love, Rori



  32.  #32Millie on December 31, 2013 at 12:49 am

    I had an interesting day today…
    I have a vintage car, which of course attracts much attention. today I was out driving it and had a little car issue. I stopped at the auto parts store and while I was waiting for the car to cool off so I could fix it, people started approaching me. This is fairly normal when I have that car. They ask me if I’m a model, do I use my car in photo shoots….anyway this guy starts chatting me up. He’s nice enough..the conversations is flowing. I decide my car is cool enough and start fixing it. I had also called my dad who wanted to come by and check on the car. Meanwhile, this guy asks me for my number, saying he doesn’t want to do it in front of my dad. So I say–why not? I’m old-fashioned, that would be funny if you asked my dad for my number! So the guy actually sticks around and asks my dad if he can take me out to dinner sometime! It was really cute…the guy admitted to having ADHD and is in AA, so I’m not sure if he’s a match for me…..but it was a great experience nonetheless!

    I also posted on facebook, since it’s the end of the year, a list of what I’ve done/accomplished in 2013. It was a serious list and truly feel proud of myself for all I’ve accomplished. Well, Mechanic decides to comment and when I read his comment my first reaction is-OW what a jab! He referred to something embarrassing I’d done while drunk. To me, I felt like he was pointing out something stupid I did to belittle all my accomplishments. At least that is how I felt because my brother does stuff like that all the time. So, I texted Mechanic asking why he would say something that wasn’t very nice. Even though it was in text, he could tell my feathers were ruffled and his response was amazing! He said, in his own words, that he thinks I’m really great, he loves talking with me, that I’m “damn sexy,” and am hilarious when I’m drunk and that we are friends. He said he meant no ill will by the comment. I explained that I was triggered because my brother constantly makes jabs at me whenever I’m sharing something positive. He says my brother is trying to make me feel as incomplete as he feels. I don’t know if that’s true…but I know I don’t like it. Anyway, it feels really good to know Mechanic thinks I’m “damn sexy” and wants to friends. Re-reading the comment now, I see he was just being funny and I took it the wrong way.

    On the way home tonight I stopped to get gas and this guy says to me, “You are confusing people” I said why…He says “because people don’t know whether to check you out or your car.” Haha! I said check both out! It really is remarkable how much attention I get in that car. I think that my spirit shines more when I drive it, I’m happier, I feel at home, I feel like me, stylish, sexy, creative, fun, unique, I stand out and I like it. I embrace it.

    Looking forward to a New Years Eve party tomorrow! Yay 2014!!



  33.  #33Brenda on December 31, 2013 at 2:20 am

    Sounds so good and I want to do all those things right now I’m angry and I have been asked myself which I am very ashamed to say where is God. Why hasn’t he gave my money back and at least said sorry. Im angry with this man and I feel like 0, is it something I did to deserve this I’m so angry, I’m sitting in my email eating and I feel lousy.

    I don’t know where to begin I’m so angry.



  34.  #34Brenda on December 31, 2013 at 4:16 am

    I thk u Rori for hearing me out I feel empty and alone.



  35.  #35Femininewoman on December 31, 2013 at 7:02 am

    Brenda I feel so sorry about your pain. Believe me that is not living. We are on the cusp of 2014. I encourage you to set some intentions for your life during the new year.



  36.  #36Cupcake on December 31, 2013 at 7:52 am

    Hi, Sirens-

    This blog post triggers me somewhat. I think it’s because I feel afraid to ask for what I want and to affirm it.

    My life now is such a blank screen. Looking for new job in new city. Looking for new friends, new community. It’s a glorious opportunity, and sometimes I feel grateful and sometimes I feel terrified.

    Lord Voldemort texted me the day after Christmas, and I felt angry with him and didn’t answer. I felt angry because he’d said he’d call me a few days before, then didn’t call and didn’t text to explain why. Radio Silence until the day after Christmas. So I didn’t respond, and he texted again apologizing for not calling. He said he was feeling really bad about Christmas and didn’t want to be blue on the phone. I thought, “You were feeling bad, so you didn’t mind making me feel bad by blowing me off? That’s pretty lame.” So I didn’t respond. After he sent 5 texts I finally responded. I said, “I feel angry and I don’t know what to say.”

    And then HE went silent for a while, and the next day he texted that he didn’t understand why I was so upset.

    So I texted again and said that it feels bad when I sit around waiting for a call, and it feels bad that conversations I used to enjoy so much feel unavailable to me now.

    He texted that he was at the grocery and would get back to me later.

    Which he did. We set up a call, and he called later, and it was a fantastic conversation. We talked for 2 hours and fifteen minutes and laughed the whole time.

    I know we’re only supposed to talk for 15 minutes or so. I sat there trying to figure out how I could end the call that quickly. Because he lives across an ocean, the Skype calls ARE the date.

    The conversation was great, and when I hung up I told my sister that having him back in my life frees up a lot of brain RAM.

    I don’t think we will get back together. We talked about him coming to visit again- and yes, I brought it up, joking, which I regret doing but the words just fell out of my mouth. He said, “I hope 2014 is a year with a lot of traveling in it. I want to go on lots of trips.” And of course I responded, “That feels like fun. And where are you going?”

    He said, “I haven’t decided yet. Hopefully lots of places.”

    How could I NOT say, “Why don’t you come and see me?” I’m just not that adept at being a Siren yet.

    We started talking about it, and he literally leaned forward and looked excited for a few minutes, talking about when he could realistically come- not January because he just hired a new person he needs to train, maybe February, but probably not til mid or late February–” and then we were just looking at each other like, “Is this really going to happen? Are we making plans, here? What does this mean?”

    And he got this deer in the headlights expression and leaned back, and we both looked at each other. I was thinking, “S**t. S**t. Why did I bring this up?” I don’t know what he was thinking. Probably “Don’t promise her anything. Think this through. What does this mean?”

    So we just kept talking. The first hour was great, even after that deer in the headlights moment. The second hour was phenomenal. I felt perfectly relaxed. His waterwheel was sending so much energy to me that I was basking in it. I kept my hand on my heart, doing Rori’s exercise from a few newsletters ago, keeping my heart for ME, in my body, and letting the extra juiciness flow out openly. (Or however she describes it, better than that.)

    It felt so good to see him look at me like that. If we had been in the same room, we would totally have been making out.

    We talked until his dogs kept jumping on him, insisting that they go out. He laughed them off a few times and then said, “I guess they really need to go.”

    And we looked at each other in silence for a minute, and then he looked down at the floor and said, “We’ll talk…more.”

    I said, “What?” Because he was kind of mumbling.

    He looked at me again and said, “We’ll talk…more, before….” (Looking down again.) Well, we’ll talk.”

    And I said, “Oh. Okay. Bye.”

    Then he looked at me, smiling, and watched me, waiting for me to hang up first.

    I feel stupid for letting him know I still want him, so very clearly. Although he asked what I am doing for New Year’s Eve, and because I have zero plans, I felt awkward and looked away before I answered, “Not exactly sure yet…” which it felt like he took as meaning I had a date, because he sat up straighter and got very formal and spluttered a little as he said, “I’m probably not doing anything. Going to a friends, maybe.”

    Anyway. I don’t think we’re going to have a future together. I wish I were wrong. He’s such an amazing guy. And I really wish I had had sex with him when he was here, even though I know it would be worse getting over him. It’s just now I feel like I’ll never ever know what that would be like.

    And a guy friend of mine said not sleeping with him was a big mistake. He said, “The guy spent several thousand dollars to cross an ocean and sleep with you. He’s a very attractive guy who can sleep with women in his own country whenever he wants, but he wanted to be with YOU. And then he got here and you said no. That’s not very nice.”

    I explained about getting very attached to guys I’m intimate with, wanting commitment, etc.

    My guy friend said, “I get that. It’s sounds though like you were already attached to him, and still are… and from a guy’s point of view, he would have to have sex with you for the first time on YOUR turf, because if you turn out to be one of those girls that goes crazy after you have sex, he’d need to be able to retreat. That’s why he canceled the plans for you to go to his country for Christmas. Because if you turned out to be the post-sex crazy girl, he’d be stuck with you, no exit.”

    And I had to admit, that this being explained to me by a likewise very good looking man who’s had his share of post-sex crazy girls, it made sense.

    I know this is a very long post. Sorry. I’ll shut up now.

    2014 begins for me with a blank pallet. And I feel so afraid to ask for anything. I’ll really need to think about why that is.

    Thanks, Sirens, for listening.

    Cupcake



  37.  #37Cupcake on December 31, 2013 at 8:42 am

    Brenda-

    I feel so bad for you. As Femininewoman says, I can feel your pain.

    Sending you a hug and the wish that 2014 will have better things in store for it.



  38.  #38Cupcake on December 31, 2013 at 8:43 am

    Amber-

    Did you go on any of the Match.com dates?

    How was that?

    Cupcake



  39.  #39Indigo on December 31, 2013 at 9:12 am

    Brenda,

    Your anger is very understandable and normal.

    But you need to move beyond that, channel that energy into doing good things for *you*. Start with whatever steps you feel able to manage, ask yourself each day, each hour, each moment even, what you can do *right now* to do right by you, whether it’s switching off your phone for the night so he can’t contact you and going and giving yourself some beauty treatments, or purposely making other friends, or throwing your energy into looking for a great new job.

    As Rori says, if this is not what you want for your life, you need to move in other directions.

    x



  40.  #40Amber on December 31, 2013 at 9:49 am

    Cupcake-36, 38
    36- you sound so peaceful and happy! ((HUGS))
    38- I’m on match.com but didn’t do much over the holidays
    I’m having trouble getting guys to move past e-mail to an actual date
    I’m okay with it because i’m circular dating in “real” life and that feels more organic.

    Reconnecting with (T) last week only made me MORE determined to become a high value woman who doesn’t NEED him. We did have a few small steps I think went in the right direction
    1. He told me he loves me outside the bedroom. This never happened in the 13 months we dated. He said it out loud, in public, and he held me while I cried over it. I couldn’t help but cry, and I’ve realized he really does want me to express my emotions truly, and not stuff them
    2. I went to his house (yes, I know, we don’t drive to men, but I live 30 min from where we were and he lives 5. Also, he had a friend staying over and we both really wanted to continue our conversation immediately) and while I was driving there, HE TEXT ME impatiently asking where I was. I wasn’t even late. Usually I’m so forward leaning that he knows I’m on my way because I’ve given him a detailed itinerary. When I didn’t do that he reached towards me. Brand new behavior!
    3. This one just FEELS like a step forward because I have nothing to compare it to. He gave me a gorgeous foot rub when I got to his house, IN FRONT OF HIS FRIEND. The three of us were in the livingroom watching something inane on TV and he sweetly tucked me into the recliner with a blanket, sat down on the footstool and rubbed my feet WITH LOTION. I feel like he was staking a claim, and that felt wonderful.
    4. He introduced me to his friend. I know this doesn’t actually get me farther along on my bridge, but it feels positive because he’s previously voiced the fear that I wouldn’t like his friends, I’d find them too ‘ghetto’ (his word) and he feared I wouldn’t like him as much if I saw him with them.
    I told him specifically that I enjoyed the time with his friend, and I was happy to meet him.

    I probably could have leaned back a little more throughout the night, but I did concentrate on feeling messages and being genuinely ‘in the moment’

    I’m feeling very vulnerable now because i haven’t heard from him in almost three days, but I know that 3 days in guy time is nothing, especially when his pattern is to completely withdraw every time something wonderful happens while he processes it.

    Did I mention his friend (jokingly) asked me to marry him a dozen times? It felt so great to have two wonderful men shooting arrows at me. No wonder I’m on top of the world despite feeling so vulnerable. I’m really loving my vulnerability, too, because I normally stuff it and just feel annoyed with what he’s NOT doing.
    Feeling vulnerable means I’m FEELING, and that is still very new for me.

    Cheers, Sirens!



  41.  #41Indigo on December 31, 2013 at 10:08 am

    Amber,

    Yay! 🙂



  42.  #42Radlove on December 31, 2013 at 10:12 am

    Once again, my skills I learned through Rori have helped me!!!!!!! Thank God, after a two week battle with the employment agency, I am going to have health insurance as of tomorrow! I have sent repeated, tactful emails and left many messages, and in the past, I would have gotten nasty and insulting. Instead, I focused on using feeling messages and being soft on the outside but strong on the inside, and it worked! Here is what I wrote:

    Hello Kelly,

    First of all, merry Christmas and happy new year!!

    I have never had such a challenging time getting signed up for insurance, and really need someone to work with me. No doubt you have been discussing my desire to sign up for insurance with Laura, and it would feel so much more professional if someone would simply return my calls. I would far prefer to discuss this with you or Laura on the phone.

    As I explained to Laura, none of this ever would have happened if I had simply been informed up front that there is only a 30 day window to sign up for insurance. If I had known that, I have no doubt that I would have jumped on it. But at the time I was transitioning from my last job to this one through your employment agency, everything was flying at me so fast that I decided to get settled at my new job and then look into the insurance.

    It is something I needed to research, because I take Nuvigil, a medication that keeps me alert, since I have a medical condition with narcolepsy. Some insurances help with this and some don’t, and I knew it would take me some time to find out if your plan did. This effort took about 2 hours.

    Now it is December 31st, and I faxed my application for Blue Cross in plenty of time to start January 1st. Please let me explain what is going on in my life so you understand my urgency and importance in this. Nuvigil costs approximately $500 a month full price. At present, I am paying caregivers for my Mom out of pocket, because she is 81 and in a wheelchair. A huge portion of my paycheck goes for this, and along with my other bills and living expenses, I cannot afford $500 a month.

    I fear that without Nuvigil, it is just a matter of time before I lose my job. I don’t want that to happen, and I would like to think that you, as a representative of my employment agency, do not want that to happen.

    Laura told me that the only possibility that I could still join is to be back-billed to October. This is unfair, since I was not told I only had 30 days to enroll. Further, I just had to fill my heating oil tank at $huge and I just had a $huge car repair, on top of the $huge a month I am putting out for nurses aide care for my Mom. I cannot afford to be back-billed.

    Please assist me in getting the medical coverage that I need in order to succeed in this job. My cell phone is XXX-XXX-XXXX, and I would appreciate a call.

    Sincerely,

    B



  43.  #43Amber on December 31, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    My New Years Letter, looking back on 2014

    Dear Rori,

    In 2014 I realized that I am a wonderful person. I’m sensitive and emotional, and I didn’t hide my emotions from myself or others. I wore my contacts almost every day this year; the inability to hide behind my glasses encouraged both my vulnerability and my sexy bravery.

    I applied to become a certified life and relationship coach in your program and WOW, I was accepted. I was a little apprehensive about having the funds to pay for it, but the money materialized seemingly out of thin air. Now I’m a certified coach and I love helping other women become their true, authentic selves!

    I got a great raise at my full time job and my hours are still flexible, allowing me to continue riding horses in my free time. I even have time to ride my own horse these days, as well as riding for clients. I’ve helped my clients achieve their goals of less fear and more fun and relaxation with their horses. And more blue ribbons, too, of course!

    I have a new car! I love driving it; I feel so sexy just sitting behind the wheel. The gas mileage is practical but that’s the ONLY thing that’s practical about it. And it’s PAID OFF ALREADY!

    My income is higher now than it’s ever been, and it just keeps growing. I am able to save at least five hundred dollars a month in my savings account after all of the bills are paid. My man and I took two vacations this year, one to San Diego to play in the ocean for a week, the other was a cruise to Alaska. So amazing! The wildlife was wondrous and the accommodations were sublime!

    I live in a beautiful house with a wonderfully fabulous man who loves to make me happy. He is handsome, financially stable and LOVES that I am an emotionally open woman. My man cooks, cleans and does our laundry most of the time, simply because he knows these are things I don’t enjoy focusing on. Our sex life is out of this world amazing. We are so comfortable that trying new things and exploring new experiences is easy and fun. He bought me a ring to signify our commitment to each other and our relationship. I wish you could see it; the most beautiful diamond and emerald combination I’ve ever seen.

    I love myself and my life. I feel peaceful and comfortable in my skin and in my emotions. I want to say thank you for showing me the path and supporting me on my journey.

    Love always,

    Amber



  44.  #44Shannon on December 31, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    Why does it feel so hard to just let men do stuff? He offered to put the groceries away, and it felt really hard to say, “Okay, Thank You,” rather than “I can do it.”

    It’s not that I don’t want his help, it’s that it feels so strange and wrong to sit down and “take a break” while someone else is doing something (work) nearby me.

    I feel like I should always be doing, and that letting him put the groceries away is irresponsible or unkind somehow. It is a huge challenge to do this!

    It feels so unfamiliar and uncertain. I was kind of raised with that opposing viewpoint…. he works so hard, he deserves a break, lol.

    Interesting how bizarre this feels.



  45.  #45Dominique on December 31, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    Emerson – I love Tara Brach though none of her stuff is on youtube. Her cds are inexpensive though. I like but don’t love this one and only because her voice grates on me some. The content I do love. Actually all of her youtubes are pretty good.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJO15eCQaqA

    For a more basic mindfulness meditation, this one is good –

    youtube.com/watch?v=6W31vHDjyng

    If you are any good at meditation without the guidance, check for tibetan bowls or flute music.

    xxoo



  46.  #46Cupcake on December 31, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Amber #43-

    I love it! I felt so happy for you, reading it!



  47.  #47Elsie on December 31, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    To this whole community of lovely sirens…..HAPPY NEW YEAR!

    I have gotten so much from you and I have changed my life because of so many wrote to me over the past couple of years.

    2013 was hard. I wont lie. I had a rough first half with GS to say the least. I met a wonderful man, CollegeCd, and broke up with him because although he was so handsome and perfect, he wasnt perfect for me. I got divorced officially. My beloved doggie of 16 years died. One of my best friends died. And now, my grandmother in law died last week. Its been a hard year.

    But GS and I are together now, and its AMAZING. He is a completely changed man since the day he showed up on my doorstep on September 7. I thought it was the chase. I thought it would wain. It hasnt. Its stronger than ever. I got the most romantic Christmas present and a massive bouquet of flowers. We are looking at houses and planning a wedding in a little over a year. We are in love, and its ONLY becuase I valued myself enough to TRULY follow these rules and really do it!!! Thank you to everyone here. Dominique, Mercedes, Rori, everyone!!!!!

    2014 will be my best year yet. The best is yet to come. I am excited for my future no matter what.

    Wishing you all happiness, health and love! 🙂

    Elsie



  48.  #48Brenda on December 31, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    2/14/2014 Wow I feel like a whole new woman.The pain and drama is gone, nothing but Peace love and happiness regular trials and tribulations but no drama.
    My daughter is doing so well and about to graduate highschool, she has a good job she likes with good hrs that work around her school schedule and since my attitude has shifted for the better hers has too along with my older son who is 15.He also has a part time job and is doing really well in school and is really into sports although he isn’t on any teams he finally found something he enjoys to do, and he finally mastered swimming he used to be so afraid.My son is an artist that’s his true passion, he also has a girl he really likes and I admit with all the negative thoughts I used to have in my head I thought it was something wrong with me so maybe something would be wrong with my kids but its not.I thought my son would not like women because he doesn’t have his father in his life although I would love him regardless I was totally wrong.

    My son is a provider a strong man I love him and…….New guy …… Loves all 3 of my children. He came in my life when I start making drastic changes when I woke up one day and took charge and let go of the anger I had against E… I just let go he begged for a while but I didn’t let my guard down. The E… man eventually moved away really far.The end…..

    Back to the new man he’s in law enforcement I met him when I enrolled in the community college for courses in respiratory something I always have been interested in.This man opened my eyes to a whole new world, he looks a lil like David Beckman basically his build and he has a lovely face.He pushed a lil and helped me get through my program and we hit it off.

    I still work at the same hospital but I make enough that I bought my daughter and son cars and my younger son is in a private school, the new man pays the the race on the house we own and we share the minor bills we have and he insists on paying for the family trips or our rendezvous getaways.I had a hard time with believing he loved me and wanted to make not just me but my kids also happy along with his 16 yr old son we have a blended family he has a wonderful mother whim she is also in a relationship with a very nice man.Her son has respect for me and I love him and he loves me too, I treat him as my own.

    Oh I’m engaged we have a nice house in very nice gated community with so many activities for our children,2 car garage, driveway for the kids cars.

    He new guy and I exercise together and I finally lost the 20 pounds I wanted to loose my teeth are even straighter thks to the braces for me and my daughter omg my daughter was always a beauty she had braces a few yrs ago but now we rake tons of pics with big smiles with all the family

    My schedule at work is so lovely and I weekends off and since I’ve been with the hospital so long I have so much vacation time I usually take alot of the weekdays off just to relax go dancing with my hubby or swimming with the kids.I feel blessed and highly favored I feel happy finally.



  49.  #49Emerson on December 31, 2013 at 9:57 pm

    45 thanks Dominique

    Thanks Rori for this post I’m going to write my letter tomorrow.



  50.  #50Tereana on December 31, 2013 at 10:10 pm

    HAPPY NEW YEAR, Sirens!!!! : )



  51.  #51Emerson on December 31, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    48 sounds great Brenda



  52.  #52Emerson on December 31, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    I had an unexpected monetary bonus come my way… Bit one of my clients is slow to pay and I’m feeling myself being tested with boundaries… How to collect money?! Ugh



  53.  #53Emerson on December 31, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    I feel excited to write my letter!!
    Oh I can feel the ideas flowing in…



  54.  #54LoveAlways on December 31, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    Happy New Year Sirens!!!



  55.  #55Luzydel on December 31, 2013 at 11:07 pm

    Was reading my 2014 horoscopes and it felt good. Kinda telling me to stop being a Me Me “selfish” Aries in order to get a committed relationship instead of those sexy flings I have been meeting the past few years… hmmm



  56.  #56Amber on December 31, 2013 at 11:35 pm

    Happy New Year, Sirens!



  57.  #57Indigo on January 1, 2014 at 5:25 am

    Really battling with leaning forward today, or not leaning forward I should say.

    It’s really hard for me to accept when someone is no longer in my life. I don’t know why I battle with acceptance so much. Accepting just makes my life feel so empty somehow. It’s so hard to reconcile the notion of reaching for what you want – organizing your life, reaching for your career and study goal, motivating yourself for your creative activities and exercise, the forward leaning energy output that so many areas of your life require – and then with this one area, your love life, a man, you are supposed to just sit back. Wait, see, not do anything. You are supposed to just accept the emptiness when they don’t step forward to fill the gap. It’s so hard. It feels somehow a hundred times sadder than leaning in or reaching out.

    Sigh.



  58.  #58Indigo on January 1, 2014 at 5:34 am

    I’m feeling really conflicted inside today. Swirling emotions that I don’t understand. Fear. I’m a little bit afraid of them. I’m a little bit afraid of not achieving what, to me, is my ultimate goal – a peaceful and contented life where the main elements remain relatively settled. A part of me knows that when I’m ready I’ll attract these things into my life, but it’s hard not knowing what stage of the journey I’m at, not being able to see the road. It’s a little bit frightening having all these hopes and dreams for myself, and the pressure that creates, and the fear of not achieving them.



  59.  #59Indigo on January 1, 2014 at 5:43 am

    C seems to have disappeared for now.

    I don’t want to overanalyze it, but it seems as if maybe he was a little scared off by my feeling texts. They did come across as a little negative. Which is great because it’s a learning curve for me. I also realized that his being honest about his relationship with his ex, together with some of his behavior, was his way of telling me that he’s not ready for a relationship right now.

    I feel sad about this. He was very fun and light and easy to be around and I enjoyed his company a lot. It was very healing in getting over D because I enjoyed being around C enough that I didn’t really think of D. I found C to also be just really sweet and likeable and that doesn’t happen often with me. I suppose I just have to take the fun and the enjoyment and the positive out of this with me, and appreciate it for what it was, and move on.



  60.  #60Indigo on January 1, 2014 at 5:47 am

    He’s not actually contacted me in 5 days. I know that’s not very long in boy time, but it also just feels like he’s pulling away.



  61.  #61Femininewoman on January 1, 2014 at 7:47 am

    Cupcake you seem to be trying to be in his head. It is okay to be surprised.



  62.  #62Waterfall on January 1, 2014 at 8:32 am

    Hi Sirens!

    Just catching up on the blog.
    I hope everyone is well !



  63.  #63Shannon on January 1, 2014 at 8:53 am

    So if my ex asks how a date with a guy went, do I tell him? Or do I “keep the secret” by saying I don’t want to talk about it with him?

    I didn’t find the answer to this in my “reconnect your relationship” CD set.

    Thanks!



  64.  #64Femininewoman on January 1, 2014 at 9:42 am

    Nelson Mandela

    “One cannot be prepared for something while secretly believing it will not happen”.



  65.  #65Femininewoman on January 1, 2014 at 9:48 am

    Shannon I would tell him I don’t want to talk about other people while I am with him and talk about how I feel while I am with him. Tell him you miss feeling close to him if that is how you feel. If it feels odd to be asked about other maybe you could even say that too.

    He is an ex for a reason. If he really is an ex and you want love and relationship goodness in your life he will get the message that you are standing up for yourself and your life without you having to say anything. He cannot dictate how you live your life when he chooses not to be a part of it.



  66.  #66Femininewoman on January 1, 2014 at 9:49 am

    Hey Waterfall. Happy New Year.



  67.  #67Emerson on January 1, 2014 at 10:49 am

    Sirens I still struggle with leaning forward but I’m gentle with myself…



  68.  #68Lisa on January 1, 2014 at 11:04 am

    Happy New Year!

    I have a hangover and don’t drink… LOL! I feel pretty weird… but had a good NYE on my own…

    I just have to say that I feel very put off when men contact me via text to ask me out…. it feels cheap and it feels lazy…. and part of me just wants to not respond…

    I feel better being treated as if I’m as high value as I am…. with phone calls…

    So, not sure what I want to do with lame date requests….

    Evan Marc says to just not respond and they will have to find another way to contact you….

    Since, I’m not feeling needy or eager right now… I don’t feel the need to say, I feel better making plans on the phone…… that feels like too much effort…

    Hummmmmm ????

    OXOXOXOX



  69.  #69Emerson on January 1, 2014 at 11:42 am

    I’m resting today as I’m off work and getting over a cold. I rang in the new year alone and to be honest I was asleep before the strike of twelve o’clock …. I rang in with the east coasters on television and that counted enough for me. Not the first new year I have spent alone, but next year I am determined to be with a man that loves me and I love him in return. Perhaps that is not so far fetched after all…



  70.  #70Helena Hart on January 1, 2014 at 11:44 am

    Happy New Year everyone!!! I feel so inspired reading all of your incredible comments and stories.

    Lisa – I know exactly how that feels! Many of my clients are experiencing this too – these days, everyone is texting and this is how men are asking women out.

    I tell my clients to take the perception of “He’s doing the best he can to get you” – which helps them to be more warmly disposed to men when they do show up – rather than feeling annoyed with them for being “lazy.” Most men are nervous and afraid of rejection when it comes to asking women out.

    When they DO call you (and eventually they most likely will) – I’ve found that it helps to say something like, “It feels so good to hear your voice! I love hearing from you – and you’re so great about texting – and it feels good to hear your voice too…”

    I absolutely LOVE that you understand your high value and that you’re not feeling a sense of urgency! You sound like an amazing “High Degree of Difficulty” woman – so many of us women can have a hard time with that, so brava to you!!

    Love, Helena



  71.  #71Emerson on January 1, 2014 at 11:44 am

    68 Lisa I’m glad you brought it up about texting…
    You give me strength not to reply. It’s so hard for me because as ashamed as I am to admit this sometimes I’m starved for male attention and I reply just to have the interaction ….



  72.  #72Emerson on January 1, 2014 at 11:45 am

    It’s better to wait and see if they try calling, if not, then they float down the river and another floats in…



  73.  #73Shannon on January 1, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    On another blog post here, I read where Evan Mark Katz says that “His willingness to leave you is his fundamental flaw”.

    This really felt right to me, and it’s part of why I just want to run away from here. How can I feel trust for someone who has thrown me and my disabled daughter away like garbage? How? How can I ever feel trust that he won’t do this to us again, rip our family apart again?

    If he would do this during such a vulnerable time when our daughter is sick, and I was SO close to realizing my dream but now cannot… then how can I ever feel trust again for him?

    I don’t want to give up on my daughter’s father, but I don’t want to be thrown away like garbage again by the one person who could TRULY hurt her again by doing so. No step father has the same power that your father has.

    He keeps repeating to me how over it is. How unwanted I am. How can I trust that if I try to salvage this and manage it, that he won’t throw us away again later?

    His willingness to leave you is his fundamental flaw… But not if he does it after… ??

    I don’t know, all I can feel is fear, not faith. Not in him as a man. As a father, yes. But not as a partner or husband. There’s no “til death do us part” in him that I can see–didn’t his action of dumping me prove that?



  74.  #74Andrea on January 1, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    I feel strengthened and validated by you Lisa. Thank you. I have a texter CD.
    He is busy, I know. He’s a professor, football coach, and head of a few community organizations. When he has the time, he does contact me and I always JUMP!!

    But “his time” is usually after midnight, and “his contact” is usually a text to see if I’m still awake. If I am, we sometimes have a conversation. Sometimes… more.

    I made one New Year’s Resolution and that was to BE HONEST! So hard, as Shannon pointed out on a different blog, because honesty means intimacy. I vowed to really, first of all, be honest with myself.

    First I had a call from another CD, I’m calling him “Stinky CD” because of a mess he made in my bathroom. He called to wish me Happy New Year and he wanted to know if my daughters and I would like to go to a GlobeTrotter’s Event coming to our town on Jan 8th. The cheapest tickets are 72.00.

    I said, Yes. My daughters want to go and I thought it would be nice to allow them something really cool like that. But I tossed and turned, belly churning, icky feeling for hours afterward.

    Honestly, I don’t like this guy. He treats me great, but I feel gross when I’m around him. I feel skin crawly gross. (And my resolution to BE HONEST is seriously being tested.)

    Second, I got a text at 2:00 am from PRofessor CD. He texted me Happy New YEar. Then he texted me, “Do you want to come with me to a New Year’s Day party?”

    I would like to go to the party, sure. But I feel cheap and chasy and squeamish at just the thought of answering those texts. I feel desperate when I think of answering those texts.

    I want different experiences with men in the year 2014. I want to be asked out in advance like “Stinky CD” does. But I want to be attracted to the man who is asking.

    I want to have great conversation, sex, and parties like I do with “Professor CD” but I don’t like feeling like I’m an afterthought or thrift store bargain girl that can be texted after midnight.

    I do feel a new resolve. I feel stronger and grounded by NOT answering those texts. And I want to feel strength and womanly goddessy type feelings surrounding “Stinky CD”.

    I feel like I don’t want to start the new year “owing” him something. I can’t return the feelings I know he has for me, so I always feel like I have to try and find something else to give him. Because he continues to give me things. (I continue to accept things from him.)

    I can’t get us tickets to the GlobeTrotter event, but do we really need to go? I need to be honest with Stinky CD. I need to let go of my hopes for Professor CD.

    Happy New Year Y’all!! : ) I DO love it that the adventure continues. I’m taking time this afternoon to write my letter of intention. I love this exercise.



  75.  #75Lisa on January 1, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    @Emerson Yes, my point…. when I sit still with myself and am in a calm assertive, feminine energy… than when I go to text him back, I notice how my body is, how it feels awkward and anxious….

    I’m ok with him floating down the river if that is his best effort…. seriously… he is attractive, but so what! I have other men interested in me and I am finding that, they really aren’t that hard to come by…. when I’m being feminine.. they seem to rain on me….

    I’m like, step up and give me your best effort, or go away…. I’m so happy with what I have now… my new found extra secure self, my children, my life, my home… my interests… he really needs to pursue me harder… to get me….

    I know that sound arrogant… but really it isn’t… and boy do other women find it “diva” like… or needing to be treated like a “queen” well kind of… yes, and b/c they aren’t doing it, they are jealous…

    I loved that speech I posted from Erika Napoletano strive to be un-popular…. and that seems to be working great for me….

    @Shannon…… <3 {{{{hugs}}} keep loving on you and working on your own feelings… leave him to the dust… just my 2cents… that was kind of advicy….

    OXOXOXO



  76.  #76LoveAlways on January 1, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    Happy January 1 Sirens!

    Ahhh, downtime! I feel good relaxing! Did not feel like journaling pen to paper so I’m going to type it in here.

    Seeing so many “resolutions” from friends. I don’t have any this year. I made my changes the past few weeks. From Gina Devine’s Queen Esther story (Commitment Blueprint) and Rose Cole’s High Priestess (Rori’s interviews), the theme that sticks with me the most is surrounding myself with a network of women (queens/high priestess).

    Now for me that is not easy because I can’t and won’t do drama (so many women function and dysfunction in a world laced with drama). But I spent the last two months re-examining my female relationships in light of “what’s the benefit for me” and there is indeed a handful of women who support me emotionally, spiritually, etc.

    So I have set out these past two months to spend a little time with each of them, whether in person or on the phone, etc. It has been a wonderful experience!

    This is all a part of “me” which normally gets lost when I get wrapped up with a man in love, etc.

    So the theme has been to “not lose myself.”

    But in order to do that, I had to first KNOW myself – how I feel, what I want, what I like and what I choose to avoid. I’ve discovered a lot.

    While there is still stress and anxiety in my day to day life (proof I am alive, lol), I really enjoy ME and how I spend my time. I am reaching a good balance and never ever want to lose it ever again. So many moment are like sprinkled in gold sparkles and I take it in with an “ooooohhhh.” This is living.

    So what about relationships and matters of the heart? Where is Mr. Right? How can I be so happy without his presence? Easy answer.

    All that good feeling, deepness, flowing heart of love never leaves me! Yes, I get to share it with Mr. Wonderful, but it resides in ME. So it’s here, and I can reach that state of “breathlessness” just by the beauty of the things and moments that occur in my life. I know there is a Mr. somebody right for me out there, and in time, we will cross paths, but my life can’t wait for happy until then – I’ve gotta be and live happy NOW. He can join in.

    So New years is about maintaining this theme I’ve been living. To keep the highs golden and to continue to embrace and work through the lows. And the relationship part? I’ve got tons of Rori tools I practice, and the idea is to keep me real because it’s that realness that men love.

    Namaste

    LoveAlways



  77.  #77Lisa on January 1, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    @Andrea!!! Go Girl!!! way to find your inner knowing and feelings…. love that and love your need to be strong and secure….

    I too had rather be home alone and happy, content than to be with some icky man…that makes me feel crawly…… <3

    I feel icky jumping when a man gives me little attention… that feels like I'm being unkind to little me… saying I'm not enough…

    I feel good knowing with every cell of my being ( taking this from a RR dating coach) that the right man will do what it takes to get me…. and no tacky texting or crumb throwing…. he WILL see I'm the gold at the end of the rainbow…

    I'm throwing things away today, cleaning out old stuff… feeling so GOOD doing it! I love that feeling of purging the old stuff that no longer is needed…

    that goes for cheap men too! I don't mean monetary, I mean cheap in effort… cheap in his energy…. and at times cheap with his money…

    OXOXOXO



  78.  #78Emerson on January 1, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    I wrote my New Years letter! I was surprised how some parts flowed out easily and other parts I felt “stuck”…especially about money and how much etc etc….
    I like how 2014 is looking so far….judging from my letter!



  79.  #79Emerson on January 1, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    Lisa yes it feels good to purge…I plan to do this also!
    I intend to let go of cutecityCD ….
    I let go of recycledCD already, we are friends but he has no hold on me…
    It’s time to let something/someone new in..
    I literally feel scared and panicked when I see a man looking at me and I think he might be interested..
    I don’t *always* feel this way but it does happen!
    It’s like paralyzingly fight or flight fear. Ugh! What’s wrong with me.
    Alcohol helps ease this feeling. But I know that’s not good.



  80.  #80Emerson on January 1, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    I feel tired in so many ways.



  81.  #81Femininewoman on January 1, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    ((((((((((((((Shannon))))))))))))))))



  82.  #82Emerson on January 1, 2014 at 4:48 pm

    I started off the new year by disabling my online dating account.
    I don’t want to put energy toward it. None of the guys seem to be serious. All the profiles sound alike. I don’t feel like putting my picture out there.
    I feel bored with it.
    This is a year for new beginnings. I need something new!!



  83.  #83Rori Raye on January 1, 2014 at 4:58 pm

    Helena! Welcome – and to all on the blog – Helena is one of my amazing new Rori Raye trained coaches – and she’s a total SUPERSTAR! To read more about and by her, go to http://www.HelenaHartCoaching.com and download her free “3 Keys To Attract The Man You Want” report – her newsletters are great (I get them!)

    I’m so happy to have you here, Helena, and look forward to hearing more of your great insights – you are so helpful to me personally (and to all of us on the blog), because you actually have real world experience – right now – in the dating world that not only backs up all my Targeting Mr. Right and Circular Dating philosophy and Tools – you ADD to it all with very specific help and advice. Love, Rori



  84.  #84Emerson on January 1, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    I am going to finish my letter tomorrow, seal it, and put it away!
    I can’t wait to see what this year brings. Although I never got around to writing the letter last year, not sure why I didn’t (fear? Procrastinating ?) …but I brainstormed about it and one of the things I thought of was my new job and even the company that hired me is the one I thought of…
    Just goes to show how powerful our intentions are !!



  85.  #85Tereana on January 1, 2014 at 6:14 pm

    That’s funny, Emerson – well, okay, not funny about what you said about the guys not being serious. What’s funny is that I just sat down to RE-enable my online dating account. Lol. I’m a little nervous. It’s been a while since I’ve been online to date. But I just had this feeling. Like time for a new beginning, eh? I’ve spent so much time mentally cutting ties with all the guys I’ve dated over the year(s). And I’ve had a nice break to re-collect myself and think about what I really want. I feel like I can step forward with a much clearer idea of what I’m looking for, which of course = much better possibility of finding the results you want. I want to date men and I want to have a family. I am a super duper wicked awesome catch. I’m hard-working, I’m sexy, I’m responsible, and I totally deserve a great guy and a great boyfriend. And it feels REALLY awesome to write that : )

    Anyone can have bad experiences anywhere. I don’t blame the medium. But it’s totally okay to not date online right now, if that’s not what you want to do. I’ve been dating offline exclusively for over a year. And now that I’m in a new place, I feel like I can just use this as a spring-board.

    Up until now I’ve been helping my grandparents so much, it’s really dominated my life. Now that they have moved to a new situation, and I’m not being their care-taker anymore, it means that my hands (and time) are free so that I can actually live my (love) life.

    Yippee!!! ; )



  86.  #86Linda on January 1, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    Hi Sirens ! Happy 2014 !!

    Last year I had this feeling that 2013 was going to be an awesome year for me. I remember the positive energy flowing through me then. I was circular dating high quality men…sometimes 2 dates in one day. (made me tired but it was fun). I bought a ring last year at this time (that I have on today as well) it says.. “Love Life” and inside the band it says “Be brave”. I also bought a picture and hung it on my wall in my family room. It is a simple picture of a half open gate along a walkway. Every time I look at it I feel it calling me.. walk thru the gate and embrace what is waiting for me on the other side.

    Now looking back at 2013 I was true to my theme ring. THere were some days it was so easy to love life and some days I had to be really brave to make it thru them. I sold one of my cars that was a constant reminder of a prior failed relationship and it felt so good to close that chapter of my life. Interesting that the person that bought it was a man I met for drinks a couple of times, even though there was no romantic connection, him being on of my CD’s made getting rid of that car possible, (which I still find totally amazing)!!

    Financially I had a lot of big expenses in 2013. It really called on my need to “Be brave” !! One after another huge expenses of roof and soffit repairs, exterior painting, having to replacing my homes air conditioning, a huge car engine repair bill, new brakes and new tires.. 2013 felt like one financial challenge after another. I made it thru that too.

    Romantically… settling into an exclusive relationship with FavoriteCD just evolved. He felt like my man for a time.. but as it turns out he wasn’t. There were many times that I had to “BE brave”. THe past year was a great learning year for me. I learned how to navigate thru some storms with my feelings as my rudder. I found my voice and used it. I gave it my best effort and can calmly just lay it down, without regret and with much relief, walk away.

    Even receiving yet another email today.. saying he feels like he made a big mistake and he loves me deeply, I feel unmoved. I have no desire to live with the dust of any more drama filling my lungs.

    I seek peace. I seek life. I seek a relationship that feels easy.. not perfect, but easy even its lack of perfection. One that I feel safe in, can laugh in, be totally myself in all the time. A relationship that brings life to my bones!

    2013 was a year of purpose and I grew through it. 2014.. here I come!



  87.  #87Tereana on January 1, 2014 at 8:31 pm

    ….and to follow up, now I’m not so sure if signing up for online dating was a great idea. Lol. Somehow the guys who are showing up in this area are not attractive to me AT ALL! Weird. I think I just got to spoiled with all the attractive successful men in the Bay Area. This is a totally different place. So many white guys!!! Lol. I am not used to this ; )

    And what’s with the dudes who write basically nothing in their profile. Not super cool. Especially if all you write is, “I like girls.” Ok, great. Got it. Next. lol

    I did already get one message, but I’m not sure if I’m going to write back. He didn’t seem that interesting. But we did give the exact same answer to one question.

    We’ll see how this goes. I do know what you were talking about, Emerson! lol. But I’m still willing to give it a try…



  88.  #88Violette on January 1, 2014 at 9:27 pm

    G never called me again after he cancelled our date, 2 weeks ago. I can’t seem to shake the feeling he thinks I’m mad at him. I still want to reach out to him, but I haven’t, which is good. I’m glad I hadn’t so far.

    Just disappointed.

    I saw a guy last night at a party that I went out with once and never called again. I had liked him. He’d tried to sleep with me too. He didn’t talk to me, just gave me this soulful look at one point. I believe he showed up so I could let go of him and clear my space with more forgiveness. I forgive him, for not wanting me.

    And I am loving myself so much, showing up for myself with all my might, so that I will meet men who want to show up for me.

    I move to a new city in one month. It feels weird to continue dating here, but it would feel so nice to leave with a little romance in Jan. Maybe someone who’d like to visit me because he’s so smitten.

    I want marriage. And intimacy. I want to learn how to do that. It seems men always think I don’t like them…I want them to know I do, and to pursue me.

    I continue to try and grow every single ever loving day.



  89.  #89Violette on January 1, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    I really want to represent myself as much more sensual and flirtatious. Like a woman who is comfortable with that side of herself and adores men. I am taking that on.



  90.  #90Helena Hart on January 1, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    Violette – I used to hear that all the time from men, even the ones I was interested in didn’t think I liked them – I was somehow giving off a vibe that I wasn’t interested. I was so afraid of letting good men get close to me, even making eye contact with them and smiling was difficult for me. Rori’s “Poet/Reporter” tool helped me a LOT with opening myself up in small ways to everyone around me. It helped me take baby steps toward building up my tolerance to letting men in and facing my fear of intimacy.

    Love, Helena



  91.  #91Violette on January 1, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    Helena,

    Is that the feeling messages used in a poetic way?



  92.  #92Emerson on January 1, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    Sirens I feel thankful for this forum…I do feel alone at times and this outlet has helped me so much. Thanks forgot support and feedback unknown I can be all over the map sometimes !!!



  93.  #93Helena Hart on January 1, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    Exactly! It’s about finding your “inner poet” and sharing your feelings about something, rather than just “stating the facts” like a reporter. If you can come up with a bunch of “poetic” responses to common questions like “How was your day?” and “What do you do for work?” etc. – it will become easier and start to feel much more natural to speak that way when you’re Circular Dating and meeting new men.

    Love, Helena



  94.  #94Millie on January 1, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    So my friend just kind of chewed me up. I know she cares about me and she gets just as frustrated with my love life as I do, but sometimes it is SO hard to talk to her. I feel like she is so hard on me, that I start to clam up and not want to share how I feel, but by then we are too deep in conversation and I just decided to continue using feeling messages, but I feel so vulnerable and I tell her that. She says I make excuses for how I feel. She asked me about Mechanic and I said that he and I are friends. She knows him and said to me that she can tell I still have feelings for him and there is no way he and I can be friends. I told her, I want to be, and that I’m dating other people, so my feelings for him will go away in time. She doesn’t believe me….. I wish she would just understand.

    The other night he said to me “let me know when you want to get together for drinks.” I felt like it was his way of alluding to hooking up, but since we are friends, I just said–yeah, we can grab drinks/dinner anytime neighbor. Afterwards, I was thinking about my response. My friend said that I’m letting him define our relationship instead of honoring how I truly feel. I WANT to say..now…to him…”No…Let me know when you are ready to take me out on a real date.” But I feel like one–it’s too late to say that now, and two–if I know we aren’t right for each other, why not just keep this friends? I trust that I can keep the benefits out of it.

    I hate feeling criticized by my friends. She sees me as this non-confident person, and I am confident! Maybe not in this dating arena, but I wish she would accept me the way I am. I know she means well, but I’m not her! I can’t be her and do and say what she would do…. She wants me to ask this other guy out that is friends with Mechanic, but I feel like that’s weird one…..and two…He should ask me out! UGH

    I feel frustrated and vulnerable.



  95.  #95Daria on January 2, 2014 at 12:22 am

    yay this year im already fly and networked w fly peoke and I can always call someone n go out do fly shit



  96.  #96Daria on January 2, 2014 at 12:26 am

    dude why are all you girls backing OFF from dating? — that is your patterns holding you back…

    speaking fo which, ive been neglecting my dating and calling up men friends instead, eeeeee I am shifting this babysteps



  97.  #97Amazing Me on January 2, 2014 at 1:16 am

    Rori and other women here, please help

    yesterday some news shocked me and I leaned so much towards, acted so needy and desperate with my “long distance ex in contact” that I now feel so embarrassed of my self, I feel so low, my whole body feels so tight. How do I let this go? I had a sleepless night thinking how did I managed to end up like this, somebody that used to be so confident and strong in this relationship, why I didn’t end it when I was still strong and seeing it’s not working anymore, why did I take him back when I felt pretty much confident of leaving him…and now I feel wrapped in this embarrassment, guilt, shame and despair. And probably the worst- never ending hopes of us being together again. How can I get out of this?
    Last night somebody from the internet that I’ve been chatting with on and off for a year texted me and I know is interested mainly in sex. I texted him back saying I want to meet up for sex next weekend. I feel I need this, somebody to kiss and hold me. But then I’ve never done this kind of thing before, so I’m not sure if it will really help or drag me down more. Committed relationship is not an option for me at the moment anyway. Hopefully I will start Circular Dating, but I need some closeness ASAP. But that might be just because of my now low self esteem that probably could be improved differently. I feel very confused. Any advice?

    Love x



  98.  #98Millie on January 2, 2014 at 1:36 am

    I feel bullied by this female “friend.”
    I don’t feel accepted or truly loved by her.
    I feel like every time we hang out, I am left feeling too vulnerable and exposed.
    I am angry with myself for sharing too much information with her.
    I feel angry with myself.
    I don’t like how she perceives me.
    I don’t know how to overcome this.
    I hate the way I feel after we have an “argument” and after she lectures me.
    I feel stuck.
    I feel scared she is going to talk badly about me, especially to Mechanic.
    I don’t feel like I can handle this.
    I feel sick to my stomach and anxious.
    I feel scared.
    I don’t feel in control.
    This friendship feels incenstuous.
    I feel like I’m losing myself in how she perceives me to be.
    I feel myself struggling to prove myself and prove who I am.
    I feel worried.
    I feel insecure about this friendship.
    I don’t like people talking about me.
    I don’t like it when she has such strong opinions about what I should and shouldn’t do.
    I don’t like how this relationship feels.
    I question if she even likes me at all.
    I don’t know how I got here.
    I want out.
    I want out of this so called friendship.
    I don’t know what to say to remedy this.
    Is this really a friendship?
    I feel “on the chopping block” all the time.
    She doesn’t think I’m a confident person.
    Of course I don’t feel that way in her presence when she is constantly reminding me that I’m not.
    I feel bullied.
    I want to cry.
    I want to scream.
    I feel trapped.
    If I just walked away from her and all these people… what would happen?
    Can I do that?
    Can I turn my back and not care what they are saying about me?
    Do I have it in me to say “f*ck you” in my head and walk away.
    I’ve never experienced this immensity in a friendship. This amount of agony, this amount of insecurity from a friend.
    Does her perception of me affect how others see me?
    I have a knot in my stomach.
    I can’t ignore how I feel.
    I can’t take this…
    I don’t feel good.
    I share how I feel with her, but it doesn’t seem to change anything.
    I don’t feel supported.
    I feel lost.



  99.  #99Shannon on January 2, 2014 at 3:54 am

    Ironically, Millie, I was just reading this yesterday, and it’s perfect for the feeling place you are experiencing right now:

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/imagine-having-what-you-want/



  100.  #100Shannon on January 2, 2014 at 4:06 am

    Well, I’ve had some responses from Match.com, but only one has gone forward into actual discussion (besides the scammer guy, lol).

    Now A has called me once and we’ve emailed a couple of times. I feel really vulnerable and scared of this, but I really rather like him. I’m not sure I “get” his sense of humor–but that’s a problem for me with most people, so nothing new.

    On the other hand, there are a couple of very young (cute!) guys at the gas station who seem to be very attracted to me (I think I mentioned them before). They are initiating conversation every time I go into the store now! Which feels really nice, and exciting.

    My ex has been making a lot more of an effort towards being out with myself and our daughter. He made dinner last night (again, it was so HARD not to offer to help!). I told him that I felt pampered, and thanked him.

    I have decided on my “speech” for the next time that he carries on about how he doesn’t ever want to get back together with me (which he seems to want to say once a day or more, just so he doesn’t “lead me on”); “I feel irritated. I don’t want to be constantly told how unwanted I am. I have not forgotten. I feel angry, because every time it happens, I feel afraid again.”

    In the meantime… I feel like I’m giving A too much of my time. He mentioned early in the week going out for coffee, but hasn’t mentioned it again. We chatted on the phone, which felt great. I also don’t feel like I cut that off fast enough, either, though.

    However, we’re getting snowed in here, so I’m looking forward to about 4 days of “woe is me, I’m locked into a house with a kid and a guy who loathes me”. *sigh*

    I want to figure out how to change my own feeling messages on this. I want to at least not feel isolated and cut off from the world by the white four-letter-S-word outside.



  101.  #101wanda on January 2, 2014 at 4:48 am

    Linda #85…Thanks for that Post. I am facing some of those things in 2014…House needs Painting,need new Roof and I have been thinking about selling and moving as my Neighborhood has been going downhill for the last couple of Years…My Love Of My Life and I parted ways this last Year (Off and On for 30 Years) after I realized when I could be with him after all those Years,it was not what I wanted. Real Life is not as good as the Dream sometimes. I am Happy,Financialy secure and have a lot of Religious Faith. I am getting back my Laughing Loving Myself feelings now….I let him somehow cause me to feel Less Than and I have always been a Strong Independent Woman..Worked for 35 Years at the same Job,raised two Great Young Men,bought a House and lived a Happy,contented Life. Maybe his being a Retired Military Man and my Independence did not match however I think our life styles were just to different. Oh well I will survive him…on with Life….Hope everyone has a Happy Healthy New Year.



  102.  #102Emerson on January 2, 2014 at 6:15 am

    85 Linda that is beautiful thank you for sharing!!



  103.  #103Shannon on January 2, 2014 at 6:25 am

    I was feeling disappointed this morning. I’m housebound with a 7 year old monkey-child (bless her heart :p ) today thanks to the four-letter-S-word outside. I was looking forward to her going back to school, but instead we have 2 snow days.

    I’ve decided that I’m going to take a long bath. I’m going to do my nails. I’m going to check out the curling iron and see if it’ll do anything pretty for my hair.

    It’s going to be mani-pedi day. :p I’m want to turn my disappointing snow day into a lap-of-luxury day. Rub my own feet, buff my skin, take care of myself day. Later, I’ll make chili.

    Have some hot chocolate, turn the christmas tree lights on… read a book… play some kid games…

    It’ll be all right. 🙂 I’ll circular date myself today!



  104.  #104Femininewoman on January 2, 2014 at 7:18 am

    Shannon – “I feel irritated. I don’t want to be constantly told how unwanted I am. I have not forgotten. I feel angry, because every time it happens, I feel afraid again.”

    Is it that you don’t want to be told that or is it that you don’t want to feel unwanted? Is it that you don’t want to be around someone who doesn’t want you? Is it that you feel afraid that your investment in the relationship has not had the return you expected? Is it that you are afraid of going it alone with your daughter? That you might not be able to adequately provide for her?

    I would suggest to you to take your focus off what he is saying and use it to place value on yourself. Tell yourself that you are royalty and deserve the best in life. How about thinking about walking away when he starts his rant about not wanting you? You don’t have to sit there are listen to him. Remove yourself and go do something that makes you feel good. Change your behavior around him.



  105.  #105Violette on January 2, 2014 at 8:15 am

    Mille,

    I related, both to the mixed feelings about how to handle being friends with a guy I want more with and with feeling unsuported in dating by girlfriends. I don’t have solutions, I know in my case I have issues around feelings of rejection with men. But I relate is all I wanted to say.

    Helena, yeah I ‘m working on that. I mean with G I was really feeling around him. I was hot! But when he cancelled I just sent him a text and didn’t call him back, and mostly it brought up such feelings of triggers. And I feel like because of that he thinks I’m mad at him. Even though I’m not.

    Daria, what do you mean everyone is avoiding dating? I am really interested in your point of view, because I struggle between being shut off and going into being desperate for a guy…and I haven’t had a date in way too long…



  106.  #106Dominique on January 2, 2014 at 10:29 am

    Violette – 87 – You have to be doing this for YOU, so that you feel good within yourself and about yourself with or without a man. Opening yourself up, softening your heart, allowing is primarily FOR YOU. The lovely extra you get from this is that people, all peoples will feel safer around you, closer to you, men included.

    If you get to have a fling before you leave, great. If you don’t, have a fling with yourself.

    And if you think men think you’re not interested in them, then pay attention to how you FEEL in their presence. Are you open to them? Is your heart soft and in receiving mode? Do you melt in their presence, even on the phone, even while responding to a text? Do you tell them how good it felt spending time with them? Are you expressing how you feel while with them, eg. this restaurant feels so cozy and warm. I love being here. OR This dish is so yummy good. It feels like liquid silk running down my throat. Or anything else you can come up with that get YOU in touch with YOUR senses, i.e your sensuous aspect and expressing this out loud.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  107.  #107Dominique on January 2, 2014 at 10:40 am

    Millie – 92 – Your friend may or may not be better at talking with men, And your second response may or may not have been a better one, yet it doesn’t matter. You know better than anyone else what this relationship is to you.

    So how about telling your friend how you feel?

    “I feel weird/afraid/anxious even saying this. Yet I feel frustrated and vulnerable. I love that you care about me. I am me though, and it would feel so good to feel accepted just the way I am.”

    How does this feel to you? We can work with it more if you like.

    xxoo



  108.  #108Dominique on January 2, 2014 at 10:44 am

    Amazing Me – 95 – You can still cd without actually dating. It would be good for you and may even help you feel better. You do this by keeping yourself open and available to anyone and everyone, animals included. You smile, hold eye contact, strike up causal conversations. You do this by reveling in and feeling thankful for all that is surrounding you and in you which feel good, from the littlest thing on up to big things.

    And if you think you can handle a hook up, then go for it. If you feel concerned that you may become attached as many women would, then maybe rethink this.

    Trust in yourself. There are no mistakes, only learning and growing experiences.

    xxoo



  109.  #109Dominique on January 2, 2014 at 10:47 am

    Shannon – 97 – Do you need help with your heart-to-heart speech? You can post it here, and I will help you, or you can email me privately if you don’t feel comfortable posting it.

    xxoo



  110.  #110Dominique on January 2, 2014 at 10:50 am

    Shannon – 100 – A great DIY masque – Beatone egg white with oatmeal and honey to make a thickish consistency. Apply liberally to face, neck, chest and even the entire body if you wish. Allow it to dry, maybe twenty minutes. Rinse well.

    xxoo



  111.  #111Violette on January 2, 2014 at 11:11 am

    Yes Dominique, I hear you, thanks. But what I’m really dealing with is disappointment that this guy never called to reschedule our date, and wondering if I ought to call him to let him know I still like him and I’m not mad…



  112.  #112Emerson on January 2, 2014 at 11:12 am

    Sirens have a great day here we come 2014!



  113.  #113Dominique on January 2, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    Violette – If this man hasn’t picked up the ball, then you doing so is not a good way to go. I don’t remember if you said how long it’s been, for keep in mind boy time doesn’t look anything like girl time. If it’s been a few days, this isn’t a long time. The best thing you can do for you is to get your focus off of him, and put it firmly back on you. Be kind to yourself, gentle, and patient. Find any and/or all ways to make yourself feel good. Acitivities which fill you up, people who make you smile and feel good.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  114.  #114Millie on January 2, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    Dominique—I actually did call and tell her that. I told her I felt very uncomfortable being so vulnerable, that I trust what we say is private, and I want to feel accepted for who I am and for her to trust I will handle men in my own way in my own time. All she said was “ok” and I haven’t heard from her.

    I was talking about this with my mom and she says this woman is not my true friend. A person that makes you feel bad and puts you down is doing it for their own benefit and not yours. I think I’ve reached the point of not wanting to be friends with her or any of this group I’ve found myself in. I feel so emotionally exhausted I don’t even care what they think anymore or what mechanic thinks. I can’t change their perception of me. I don’t feel like I belong and I need to honor that. This woman takes and takes from me emotionally but she does not give. I feel no love or caring from her unless it is self serving. So I think I’m about done.



  115.  #115Dominique on January 2, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    Millie – YAY you!!! This took courage, and I applaud you. If she doesn’t respond, this is her deal, not yours. You spoke your truth in a non blaming way, and you were authentic, so brava.

    xxoo



  116.  #116Violette on January 2, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    Thanks Dominique. We’ve actually never gone out, just flirted at a couple of parties. And I was really looking forward to it. He cancelled our date 2 weeks ago now. Would it really be so bad to call him and say hi?



  117.  #117Millie on January 2, 2014 at 9:38 pm

    Thank you Dominique,
    your support feels good. 🙂



  118.  #118Dominique on January 3, 2014 at 9:42 am

    Violette – There isn’t anything “bad” about any action you take as long as you can keep yourself expectation/agenda free. Can you contact him with the understanding that you are leaning forward, picking up the oars? Can you contact him and feel perfectly okay with whatever unfolds? Even if he doesn’t respond? I don’t want you to set yourself up for feeling disappointed which is what expectations tend to do.

    xxoo



  119.  #119BlueRedLove on January 3, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    Reading this was really eerie. I don’t recall ever reading this old post, but that was exactly what I did the other day. On 12/28/13, I wrote a letter to myself for 1/1/14. The only difference is, I wrote first how things are currently in each category, so I would remember exactly where I was in my life when I wrote it and I could see how far I’d come in one year. Then, I wrote the rest of the letter with my intentions for how things will be in the coming year. I taped it to my door.

    I spent the rest of my New Year’s vacay, working on a Love Life vision board to post next to my bed. It’s beautiful, by the way. So beautiful, that I took a picture of it and made it the screen-saver on my phone so that I could see it all day long, every day.

    This will be an INCREDIBLE, AMAZING year for all of us, Sirens!



  120.  #120Indigo on January 3, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    Millie 96,

    I believe this is a great opportunity for you to own your power in a gentle way.

    I have been in this situation with friends/other people before, and felt just as frustrated.

    It is a great opportunity to realize that you cannot change or control how other people think/act, but you *do* have power in your own life, and you *can* assert this in ways that honour yourself and don’t dishonor others. When you realize this, you’ll no longer feel bullied.

    Actually, when I feel bullied, along with a little bit of anger, I actually kind of feel “yay!” It’s an opportunity for me to feel and use my own personal power.



  121.  #121Indigo on January 4, 2014 at 3:45 am

    Violette,

    I really want to second what Dominique is saying in #104.

    The best way to show a guy that you like him is to *feel good* in his presence. That means, you open yourself up, you make yourself go relaxed, and soft and warm. You make eye contact, part your lips a bit, smile, let your eyes go sparkley. Let your body language be open and receptive, your body facing towards him, even if you have to turn. Giggle softly when he says something funny, listen attentively when he talks. Personally I like to flutter my eyelashes softly, play with my hair a little or put my chin in my hands, because these are subtle signs guys recognize as flirtatious. My experience is that men love all of this.



  122.  #122comette on January 12, 2014 at 10:21 am

    for several years, i have been NOT doing much of the nye thing. this last year, we met with a friend whose birthday is january 1 (people do not want to celebrate with her on that day as everyone has a hangover poor gal:), had cake and generally celebrated the birthday. regarding new year’s, we just did some tarot reading which wa smore like a discussion. and we did discuss rori’s approach (she was not familiar with rori’s work but all she heard from me made perfect sense to her). very nice minicelebration and will do it again.