Nights In Rodanthe – A Man Must Make You MORE – Not Less

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sunsetYou know I love movies – and my husband was away this week, and so I got to wallow in chick-flicks and tear-jerkers, and here’s one gem I picked up from Nights In Rodanthe (way too sad for my taste, but very good for tears) – I can’t remember the exact words our heroine said, so I’ll paraphrase with my own thoughts:

There’s a different kind of love, a kind of love where it makes you better than you are – not less. Where you open up to the possibilities – your possibilities.

What she was describing is a relationship that lasted in person only for a weekend, and then for many months by handwritten letter – and straight from the beginning – she and the man (Diane Lane and Richard Gere) open up to each other. They tell their stories, and they tell the truth.

They challenge each other to not fall back into their old patterns, and after the weekend, each becomes MORE. and Better.

He is less ego-centric. Less defensive of himself and open to feeling who other people actually are, their feelings. He becomes more human.

And she stops putting herself last. She rediscovers her strength, her art, and feels free to express herself instead of stuffing everything down in order to cope and be “good.”

So – how can this work for you?

1. Right from the get-go…the first moment you make contact with a man – turn your attention on how you feel about YOURSELF in his presence.

I don’t mean how excited you feel about him, or how drawn to him you feel, or what you think about him and his “potential.”

2. Get curious about HIM. I don’t mean pepper him withn questions like in an interview – just, in your mind and heart, listen to him the way you would to anyone you might meet who has a great story to tell.  Believe that there’s a great story he has to tell, and relax while it’s unfolding into your curiosity.

3. Stay LIGHT.  By this, I mean don’t let a man’s moods or emotions or challenges or dark moments or chronic darkness bring you into the dark.  Don’t go into the dark just to keep him company.  Just to make him feel better.

Always be looking for the fun, the light, the good, the good-feeling – and let it run through you and take you where you want to be.  Be an example to him of what a great life and what great love IS.  If, and when he asks for your voice from the light – from where you’re at – share it with him.  Don’t try to take him anywhere or push him anywhere or protect him.  Just shine your “Light” and be a beacon for him.

Even if he’s a man you’ve never met standing across the room from you at a party.

4. Believe in yourself, so that only a man who believes in you can get through to you. if you’re not feeling that way about yourself right now – meet yourself where you are.  Start from exactly where you are and how you feel about yourself – and aim for LOVE.  Aim for loving yourself so hard, and believing that you can do what you’re meant to do and want to do, and have what you want to have so profoundly that ONLY a man who can make your vison of yourself and your life even BRIGHTER and BIGGER get’s allowed private time with you.

Let me know how this works for you…let’s all get BIG.

Love, Rori

51 Comments

  1.  #1Jane on May 20, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    Hi Rori,

    Point 3 is so difficult for me: “Don’t go into the dark just to keep him company.” Any idea how to remain upbeat without feeling guilty about leaving him there?



  2.  #2Erin on May 20, 2009 at 9:21 pm

    Oh Rori…
    Every time I think I couldn’t appreciate your words of wisdom more, I just have to read another one of your blogs. I LOVE THIS ONE. First of all, Nights in Rodanthe went straight to my top 5 list from the moment I watched it.
    And that quote you put in here just put me straight to tears when I watched it. I LOVE IT! Her passion when she says it…she is saying what we all have believed in our whole lives. The fairy tale is the dream…but what I love is that she finds her fairy tale just like you said by finding herself.
    I actually emailed my hubby about this very film because it touched me so much. It is right along with my story. I too lost myself in a previous marriage. I now know and believe in the power of another person–not to create your happiness–but to be a mirror for you to grow and love yourself. Awww…I feel so happy about this blog. As soon as I read the title…I just started grinning.

    I really like your steps here. Some of them are a touch more difficult than others. I especially like the one about getting curious about him. My husband is just about to come home from deployment and I think about my favorite things about him…my happiest thoughts are of just learning more about him…listening to his stories…finding out what he thinks about things…
    Oh…I am getting giddy just thinking about it.

    That is so beautiful about only giving time to a man who can see the vision of you. WOW…that is so so so so powerful.

    Loved this post Rori. I feel so soft and peaceful and full of love right now!



  3.  #3Erin on May 20, 2009 at 9:23 pm

    Oh…and Jane…check out one of Rori’s past blogs on your question. It has some good tips I think you will like.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/difficult-situations/how-to-undo-the-way-you-treat-a-depressed-man/



  4.  #4Open Your Heart to the Love on May 21, 2009 at 6:04 am

    I love this post, and those awesome steps. So many of us, so many times, zero in on the chemistry feeling we are getting, and then run full speed with that, and I believe that is partially how we end up in dead-end relationships. We don’t stop to distinguish the chemical reaction to him from the feelings of how he actually makes us feel about us.

    Also, we are so quick to give of ourselves, that we don’t take the time to really listen to his “story”, because there are so many clues there, we so often times miss. We are not curious enough. With all the men using PUA tactics, and emotional manipulators out there, that don’t honestly reveal themselves, you need to listen closer.

    I spent a year and a half with a man who I thought I knew well, before his mask fell. We had talked about everything regarding our values, and dreams, and everything else under the sun. When his mask finally fell, it fell in what appeared to be over-night, and I was left with a man I had never met. I could not believe that both of these seemingly separate people lived in the same body.

    Looking back, there were little tiny clues he scattered along the way, but they were so small, I didn’t pick up on them at the time.

    Don’t just hear with your ears, and end up only hearing what his says and does, listen. Listen to it all, because they are dropping clues hidden within their seemingly irrelevant stories, and take your time allowing them into your world.

    Best Wishes



  5.  #5DocK on May 21, 2009 at 6:50 am

    OYHTL – you are so right. You describe what I am going through now with a LI that I had been discussing on previous blog regarding – not that we ARE discussing – but “how” we are disconnecting over an issue close to my heart.

    Rori – in one of her programs – talks about how we are the Siren, the Prize and to be careful about, instead, putting the man on the pedestal that we are so lucky to have him.

    I still think this guy, at heart, is a good guy, but he might not be the guy for me. I had him on a pedestal and now that I have experienced something new with him – 2 of us communicating in a way that just isn’t working no matter how much I try to use feeling messages – I feel a shift within myself. I don’t know whether or not we will work through this. I do know that I feel differently, somehow, about him. Maybe this is good – if we “live” through it – maybe there will be more authenticity between us and not just all of that “chemistry” we were focusing on. time will tell.



  6.  #6Lee on May 21, 2009 at 8:12 am

    Rori:

    I am confused about this step 4.
    When you say to only give private time to the man that make your vision bigger, it seems to go against what your tools say about being soft and open on the outside,
    while strong on inside. I thought soft and open meant to be open to receiving whatever he is giving (even if it is not yet everything you want). If you practise accepting his love, he might be encouraged to give more of it. So if he is trying to give some but has his own insecurities, etc., he may not be able to give you as much as you want at the moment. But to not give him any chance of private time with you, and to not be open to receiving what he can give – seems to me to be like a shutting off and shutting down of youself with him in a way.

    Perhaps I misunderstand what you mean about
    “private time with you”???

    Step 4 said this:

    4. Believe in yourself, so that only a man who believes in you can get through to you. if you’re not feeling that way about yourself right now – meet yourself where you are. Start from exactly where you are and how you feel about yourself – and aim for LOVE. Aim for loving yourself so hard, and believing that you can do what you’re meant to do and want to do, and have what you want to have so profoundly that ONLY a man who can make your vison of yourself and your life even BRIGHTER and BIGGER get’s allowed private time with you.



  7.  #7FEMENERGYLOVE on May 21, 2009 at 10:11 am

    loving myself really hard!



  8.  #8Dorothea on May 21, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    Another really great post. Thank you for the steps!



  9.  #9Daria on May 21, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Totally doing this today with the guy I thought is feminine energy but don’t know if he’s really masculine energy because I’m not used to being able to tell.

    I think he is transforming inot masculine energy with me. At first he would say What to my staring in his eyes (while leaning back) and also he would ask me what i’m thinking.

    But then today he was rubbing on my legs and I felt so relaxed and melty and very responsive… and he said I see why you always say “I feel” because you feel everything.

    And he also said He likes me a lot. And he calls me a pet name.

    But I still wasn’t feeling sure because he’s not forward sexually. Which I am leaning back and enjoying while still practicing being myself. And also I feel like I’m not good enough for him in the silences… but it doesn’t seem to be coming from him, more from me, because he’s not constantly telling me I’m sexy, he’s just treating me really nice and laughs with me and rubs my legs and I feel relaxed.

    This is very interesting practice. I would’ve gotten so LOST at another time. Now I can tell the difference between my feeling towards him (totally turned on) and my feelings in general. And I am focusing on my feelings and practicing, rather than obsessing about sex with him and trying to get to that. I am really leaning back in the boat.



  10.  #10Daria on May 21, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    PS he came and picked me up this time. And spends all his time with me. And calls me after I said I don’t want to call.

    And kissed my feet.

    And said out of the blue … if I do anything you don’t like tell me? I said what … he said anything… and I said… oh I don’t like it when you walk in front of me sometimes.

    I feel like I am “training” him (in a good way people). It feels scary. It feels like he always wants me to feel good and please me. That feels nice.



  11.  #11Tina on May 21, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    I rented the movie tonight. I walked to the store, a good country mile, with my son. I was excited to see this movie. I bought a huge bag of chips along with the movie. I cried when she found out her man died. What a tragic ending. She did get to see the horses, just not with him. I cried mostly at the part when his son brought her the box with his things in it. The part she was alone and holding on to his things, she read one last letter * sniffle. It just ripped my heart out.

    I liked the part when she told her daughter about how she did love her father but there was another kind of love and she told her daughter to hold out for that kind of love and she deserved it, another big *sniffle. I ate and drank the whole 2 liter bottle of soda lol and chips.

    They brought up “safety” a lot and seemed to be a theme through out the movie. The box she made, the hurricane, locking down the windows and shutting themselves in the home. So much stuff going on in the movie. We all have a story to tell, I want to listen. My “boyfriend” called me tonight. He is planning a fishing trip for us this weekend, were going out tomorrow night to look for worms lol. I have to find/figure out how I feel about myself when I am around him. I just love this whole process of discovery. I just love my curious nature!.



  12.  #12Rori Raye on May 22, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Lee, Welcome and thank you for your great comment. This isn’t about what he’s ‘giving” – or his level of commitment – this is how being in his presence makes you feel about YOU. When you’re with him – you want to feel like the BEST you, not the LEAST you. Does this help? Love, Rori



  13.  #13gina on May 22, 2009 at 12:44 am

    I appreciate this post – it answers some questions I had about a recent tendency to want to control things about a man. this post reminds me to transform myself into light and love, and then the rest will take care of itself.
    Daria, it’s interesting to hear how your relationship with your guy is changing. At first I remember you were leaning forward, and now it sounds like you are leaning back. Your situation is interesting to me because it seems like with some guys it’s so natural to lean back – I feel beautiful, I just lean back and enjoy their manly ways of taking care of me. And then there are other guys who I feel so tempted to lean in to. I feel more attracted when I’m tempted to lean in, and more secure when I can really lean back. Side note – There was a guy recently who told me that he is completely opposed to gender role stereotypes and that he won’t do anything for a woman simply because of her sex. He won’t open doors, pay for dates or ask women out – if he does, he says, it’s cause he enjoys being polite, not because he believes that a woman should be treated any different than he would treat a man. That was our only date. Too bad, cause he was so so handsome and I liked him. His attitude was so unmanly, I suspected he was gay.



  14.  #14gina on May 22, 2009 at 12:58 am

    There’s a guy I’m totally crazy about who’s in town this weekend. (He lives across the country, and I haven’t seen him in almost a year. He is the only guy I have really liked since I met him about a year and a half ago – I think about him ALL the time. It sucks.) His exwife cheated on him with his boss and got pregnant with the boss’ kid, which he initially thought was his kid. He’s been anti-love ever since. Last time I saw him he said he wanted to DO me, but that was it (I didn’t, BTW). That was hard to hear, and the time we spent together was a mix of magical connection, and excrutiating pain – since he resists the connection. I saw on his myspace bio that he has written about how he “loves not Being in Love, but being Loved.” He likes a girl who calls him. Period. He will never stop being trouble. He prefers to be liked for being honest, rather than hated for being discovered. And on and on with clever defensive descriptions of his unavailability. And yet, I hope to run into him this weekend. I like how funny and smart and playful he is. And charming. This guy is the definition of trouble, right??



  15.  #15Erika on May 22, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    I would like to see that movie.

    Also wanted to share recent experience because it is so classic. One of my guys started getting really serious about me, and we’ve been talking about marriage and kids. Sure enough, now a couple of my other guys are all intrigued and getting more serious about me. Including one guy who is divorced and had become embittered about marriage … now he’s thinking it’s something he might like to do again 😉

    I think the Bible says “to those who have, more is given.” It’s definitely true with dating.



  16.  #16Ann on May 23, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    I’m not sure how I missed this post when it was first posted. But I want to re-read it and experiment with these steps. I’ve no wish to see the movie tho LOL I don’t like sad movies.

    I know Rori says often “It’s not how you feel about a man but how you feel in his presence” I’ve been thinking alot about that lately.

    I really need to experiment with steps 2-4 of this post.

    Daria you are a inspiration I love to read how you’re experimenting and enjoying yourself.



  17.  #17Tina on May 23, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    I was so not ready for getting big about love this weekend. He usually gets home around 6pm on friday and comes straight to my house. I woke up around noon, just working a night shift the night before. Bed head, morning breath and coffee was all I was doing for now. I was in the middle of reading something on this website when he pulled in at noon. I said “damn it , he’s here.” I had about 2 secs to look decent “oh forget it, LOVE BIG ok. I went to the door and looked out. Oh crap , now what Rori? lol. ok so how do I feel, ack I feel ack I need more coffee, this isnt happening now. lol. I smiled at him with coffee in my hand , bed head. I said oh I am happy to see you, just not so early. We sat together on the couch this time. I leaned by back on his chest. We touched each other. This is way better than the other times he greated me lol. I was trying to get a sense of how I feel around him. nothing special, nothing exciting, just calm and thinking more coffee!. My toes nails were painted lol.



  18.  #18Linmayu on May 23, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    Erika, so true! That’s one of my favorite Bible verses and illustrates the law of attraction. To him who has, more is definitely given, and to him who has not, even that which he has is taken away. I have been “him who has not” for a long time and now–though anyone looking from the outside would say I have not–I feel like I am “him who has.” I feel loved and overflowing with gratitude, being alone with God, whereas with men I felt mostly just scared and invisible and like I had to scratch for crumbs. And this is post-Rori, while I was following all the rules and circular dating and everything!

    I have felt disappointed, because I haven’t gotten the results I’ve hoped for from doing this work. Either I’m doing it wrong, or there’s something wrong with me, or there’s another plan out there for me that I can’t avoid. I feel like my current state of being a deserted wife–a deserted wife who is not free to remarry, now or ever–is something that I can’t avoid and shouldn’t try to–something that’s a blessing in disguise that will make me stronger, better, and ultimately happier in the end. That is the hope I’m clinging fiercely to.



  19.  #19Robin on May 24, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    Daria, Wow, omg I feel so inspired reading about your experience with this guy! I feel so happy that you can distinguish between those feelings. How did you get to that place?

    That is so awesome!!!!!!!

    Rori that you for your comment to Lee, really helpful.



  20.  #20Daria on May 24, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    Robin do you mean the difference between my feelings for him and my feelings in general?

    I think it comes from practicing focusing on my feelings. Like right now if i check (one sec) I feel excited to type and a little rushed out of excitement.

    I can tell my feelings for him because they are like… feeling turned on mostly, and i feel them kinda towards him, or when i look at Him more intensely.

    My feelings about me… its like… I can shift focus to ME… and especially helps me to see what parts of my body feel tight… ankles, etc… and kinda just look at my thigh or soemthing… not think… just feel..

    I just tell myself… if this was like an experiment about how I just Feel! blindfolded and regardless of what’s going on around me (so I don’t think and associate with outside events/ppl)… what am I feeling… actually feeling in my body …not About what…

    like right now i feel tense and concentrated…

    I think the practice in focusing on my feelings is what is allowing me to differentiate now.
    Also my allowing myself to feel turned on no matter what is allowing me to feel turned on without getting all hung up on who and why…

    I remember when I first started writing here I didn’t know what was meant by “what do you feel?”

    haha



  21.  #21Lee on May 24, 2009 at 1:52 pm

    Rori – you said:
    “Lee, Welcome and thank you for your great comment. This isn’t about what he’s ‘giving” – or his level of commitment – this is how being in his presence makes you feel about YOU. When you’re with him – you want to feel like the BEST you, not the LEAST you. Does this help? Love, Rori”

    Me:
    Does this mean that I should not spend time with him, or that I should not give so much of myself to him (even though I want him) if I feel like he is distant and shutting down from me?



  22.  #22Robin on May 24, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    Daria, Thank You! That is making sense now..always being turned on by yourself, focusing on your feelings and the physical sensations of your body that show up with those feelings…Im just now getting to how I feel about myself, ie bigger or smaller….

    I realized this week that when Im attracted to a man, I sorta automatically go into surrender mode, I can let go of the chatter in my head and I just automatically drop thoughts and get into my body…but its only the attraction that stems from seeing that a man has ‘integrity’, that he has good follow-up, does what he says, and is masculine, but not over-the-top macho, ego, but my body seems to sense it and I can remember specific situations where this happened, and it made me think that surrender is easier in highly emotional situations, because have experienced the same phenomena with grief…its harder in the everyday daily situations….



  23.  #23Robin on May 24, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    Im starting to break my own rules, but Im not feeling bad about it…..I feel bad accepting last minute dates, and I don’t do it, I totally stopped accepting last minute dates, because I don’t feel good about it…

    …But this guy I met online who lives 5 hours away told me he wanted to drive to meet me, and stay w/ family & friends. So he rented a car and drove the 5 hours to my city, we met for coffee, had a nice time, he seems pleasant enough…

    So we met Fri night, he wanted to meet again Sat, but I had plans already and Sun afternoon he sends me a text, ‘well I mainly came to meet you & get to know you so would you like to hang out later?’

    Well I feel confused-I don’t want him to go home thinking Im not interested, my mom tells me I should make an exception b/c he drove so far, and yes I feel great that he did that, a little scared that he did that, I was totally shocked and my first reaction was ‘what’s wrong with him?’, and yet he did EXACTLY what he needed to do in order to meet me, b/c I wasn’t gonna drive to him.

    So I felt bad b/c he came so far, and I don’t want him to think Im not interested…but I don’t like last minute plans….well I told him it would feel good to see him again, so hes like when are you free? Im sitting here right now trying to feel my way through this so I can give him an honest answer…



  24.  #24Robin on May 24, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    Ok, I lied on the last post, I guess I am feeling a little bad about breaking my own rules…

    But maybe I won’t have to always feel bad about it…as I inch closer to my Goddess/Siren

    haha today a lady at church told me I looked just like a siren, and a guy at the store said I reminded him of Wonder Woman…haha that felt good, one of today’s highlights!!



  25.  #25Daria on May 24, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    Robin you definitely won’t feel bad about “breaking” your own rules.

    I spent a long time feeling bad about breaking and clinging very strongly to my own rules. This time was helpful for me in order to build strong boundaries… while learning to get in touch with my feelings.

    Now that I feel in touch with my feelings… I can just go with what feels good! With No rules!

    yes.

    Sometimes this means I say no to the same thing I said yes to yesterday…

    And i feel good about it because i’m following my feelings, and they change of course.

    Now to the “treat them all the same” as far as guys. I want to make sure I’m doing that…

    So i don’t know what to say about ur 5 hour guy… except follow your feelings…

    you can always Experiment (maybe “break” a rule) and see how YOU FEEL after… that will help clarify and learn what you want and like and don’t want etc…



  26.  #26Robin on May 24, 2009 at 5:23 pm

    Daria, I love that part about how that means saying no to something today that you said yes to yesterday-That feels so powerful!!!!!

    I thought about feeling my way through meeting him as an ‘experiment’ to see how I feel about making an exception…



  27.  #27Daria on May 24, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    Good idea Robin! That feels like Fun to me! I can’t wait to hear about it!



  28.  #28Robin on May 24, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    Daria, lol, yeah. I just sent him a text, so we shall see what he thinks.. lol

    I got totally triggered on Fri on the date, he asked me to go salsa dancing with him during the coffee date, I said ok. He wanted to take his car, and I said no I feel more comfortable driving in my own car..I mean I didn’t know him, so it just wouldn’t have been wisdom to go in a car with a ‘stranger’, he asked me to go 2 more times in his car, and each time I smiled and said no.

    So he followed me (yep I lead the way) to the place and it was closed already. So we started tango dancing in the parking lot, it felt very romantic…

    Then he leaned in to kiss me and Im like ‘omg, Im kissing this guy on a first date..is this ok…how do I feel about this?? Did he drive all this way…for sex?? So I practiced staying open, b/c I felt really triggered, and kept thinking if my mom knew, she’d think its bad….I mean I KNEW I wasn’t gonna sleep with him……

    My stopping point came up sooner than it did with men I’d seen for a while, and I stopped him and said ‘this feels great and I don’t feel comfortable going any further.’ I got worried he’d take it wrong and threw in ‘I mean physically…”
    He asked me ‘did I ask you to go any further?’ And yay-instead of going, omg Im sorry, and getting flustered, I just said no, you didn’t…

    But he kept wanting to kiss, and I didn’t, I didn’t enjoy it, I feel bad saying this, but his breath was not good, and I started feeling sick, and I needed to go home to get ready fro work the next morning..

    The kiss brought up so many feelings, I kept thinking ‘so how much is too much for a first date and in general? maybe I need to re-evaluate my stopping point, omg my mom’s gonna think Im a slut, if she finds out’,

    I feel terrified to let him kiss me again, but I don’t want to shut myself down, I want to stay open…

    Something feels off, but Im not sure if its my own fear, my own issues, or if its actually his energy coming at me to get something from me….hmm



  29.  #29Robin on May 24, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    Now Im remembering Rori saying how we do this…we worry about how we’re gonna tell him we’re not gonna sleep with him when he’s kissing us and are not present…

    It wasn’t so much that for me as ‘why did he come this far? did he expect sex?’ am I being played?’

    And I also was like, “why do you assume he’s trying to take advantage of you? etc, etc” Im trusting myself, so its no problem…



  30.  #30Daria on May 24, 2009 at 6:29 pm

    OMG Robin… that’s EXACTLY how I get triggered about sex!

    Noticing this is the first step! I’ve been triggered less and less the more I notice it

    and I still get triggered a little bit!

    And I ALSO HEAR MY MOM’s VOICE judging stuff!

    Wow…

    that feels so exciting that you have these similar experiences tomine



  31.  #31Robin on May 24, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    Lol, Yeah that’s AWESOME!!!!!!!

    YAY. I feel relieved to know Im experiencing the same things as you…Makes me feel better, like Im on the right track, going in the right direction…

    Lol, and he was so happy when I said ok. He called and he was like so you wanna see me again? That’s good news right??

    He was discussing where to meet and I didn’t say feel, and he goes ‘You didn’t say that would FEEL good…I love how you say how things FEEL, this should be a new trend..I think Im gonna start talking that way @ work”

    lol..LOL…haha..Im almost falling over laughing..its so funny how guys pick up on this…I love reading about this from everyone else…



  32.  #32Daria on May 24, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    I’m feeling sad.

    I just talked to this guy… i kinda leaned forward…

    anyways he is kinda weird… but still likeable

    anyways he tells ME im weird

    he says cuz I’m always the same.

    like I seem emotionless (he’s the one who said this in the past).

    Like I say how I feel but theres no change in me

    This btw is totally off the mark with how I know myself. or what i’ve heard from other people.

    Anyways he says he doesn’t quite understand me… and when he doesn’t understand someone he has a hard time trusting them

    so now I feel sad after talking to him.

    BUt

    right right now I tried the Rori tool of “is this His energy clouding me?”

    my hypnotherapist taught me that if I’ve picked up someone else’s energy, (I’ll usually feel it in my head, chest or tummy or pelvis)… I can GRAB IT WITH MY HAND AND THROW IT OFF…

    I just did this… (in fact I’ve been doing this a lot lately)… grabbed at my forehead and chest and threw the energy awaya… and now I feel better…
    yes!

    that was fast!



  33.  #33Daria on May 24, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    Haha Robin that is so cool how he loves you saying Feel!

    hehehee

    I wonder if we’ll have lots of guys saying I feel after this too…

    Rori should we clue them in that we expect them to think?

    or is just asking them what they think enough?



  34.  #34Robin on May 24, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    Daria, YAY-Good for you, and I LOVE how you can throw negative energy from someone else off of you-that’s incredible-

    I actually felt angry reading what this guy said to you…I NEVER felt that kind of energy from you..and yeah he’s totally off the mark, and its like a guy saying those things the nasty voice(s) would say and you just don’t believe it…wow that’s so cool, Daria!!!!!

    How does the ‘His energy is clouding me’ tool work? I haven’t heard about that one….



  35.  #35Ann on May 24, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    Daria and Robin I feel excited reading your post.

    Daria thanks for sharing this:my hypnotherapist taught me that if I’ve picked up someone else’s energy, (I’ll usually feel it in my head, chest or tummy or pelvis)… I can GRAB IT WITH MY HAND AND THROW IT OFF…

    The idea I can throw anothers energy I don’t want off feels fantastic! TFS



  36.  #36Robin on May 24, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    LOL Daria, yeah-It feels to me like this indicates a step up in man-quality. it started out with guys going ‘you’re a very feeling kind of person huh?’ & they kinda drifted off, and now the guys around are going, “you’re different-I like that you FEEL’

    Its so powerful-those guys who drift off just can’t do the job, but the guys who like FEELINGS are more sensitive to your feelings…

    LOL, but yeah, Im like ‘oh no, don’t turn girly on me, that’s my job! 🙂



  37.  #37Daria on May 24, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    I feel shaky and giggly reading you guys’ posts! Thanks!

    Although I threw off most of his energy I still feel a lil upset (probably my own energy)

    Because I felt I leaned forward telling him I want to see him… and then he said i should drive to him… and I said ok…

    then I CALLED him (way forward) and he didnt pick up then he called me back…
    and now he was like he doesn’t feel like Entertaining, doesn’t mind like having someone over… exactly…

    I felt confused. Anyways I got that he doesn’t really want me to come over. So I didnt’ push it. Finally leaning back…

    I feel disappointed a lil tho and I feel compassion for myself… (now that I remembered to feel compassion).

    I feel a lil shaky and insecure… ufff… I feel a lil sad and rejected…hehe

    well that can happen sometimes with leaning forward. Planning on Leaning BACK now with him hehehe

    ….

    The cloud tool is something Rori said in her newsleterrs. She didn’t call it the cloud tool. But she said that if u suddenly feel bad out of nowhere, like theres a gray cloud on top of you, it MIGHT BE SOMEONE ELSE’s ENERGY YOU PICKED UP. Imagine the cloud lifting, like its not yours, and if this works and you feel a little bit better… then that means it was true and this WAS someone else’s energy.

    I just do the hand scoop and throw instead of lifting cloud because I feel the energy in very concentrated places, like chest, head, tummy, pelvis, etc… so it’s easy to grab it and throw it. Haha… Plus for some reason I feel cool doing this, even in public…. hahaha

    Kinda reminds me of “brush your shoulders off”
    hehehe



  38.  #38Ann on May 24, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    I tried to post about “fear of intimacy” discoveries I made last night but for some reason it wouldn’t post. However I made the post on my blog if you’d like to read it click on my name on this post.



  39.  #39Ann on May 24, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    LMAO Daria imagining grabbing my pelvis and making the motion of throwing something off of it in public is so dang funny cause I’m thinking of expressions on people faces LOL



  40.  #40Daria on May 24, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    Hehe… Yay Robin on the improving men. I even have one I LIKE now… (as you can tell from my posts the past couple of days).

    Also I believe our vibe improves even the sucky ones, although mr. emotionless threw me off my rope for a sec.

    I think so far it’s normal and not bad for them to start copying our feeling messages. After all Rori said it connects them to Feelings, which they have a hard time accessing on their own sometimes.

    Also it kind of shows me that they’re in tune and pulled into me because they are picking up my way of speaking. which is cool.

    Now I guess I will try to let the thinking up to them, without necessarily pointing them out that they Should be thinking instead. I have done that in the past.

    I am experimenting with letting them figure it out. Slowly but surely. They may not be “trained” yet either…

    I can still feel ok sharing that I expect them to do the thinking if it comes up… I don’t know… future experiments…

    Rori what do you think? Should we point out to them that we expect Thinking?

    that seems lean forwardy a bit…

    Maybe we just have to let a Thinker come around. I think a lot of men have feminine energy too… and are cool with expressing that… hence falling into feeling messages…

    But I think that allowing them to do the Masculine thing and think… even if its not necessarily been their primary way of doing… must feel super empowering and manly to them.

    I mean a guy whos always being feminine, if he gets an even more girly girl, he’s gonna start feeling masculine and start taking hte lead more and more probably… and that will make him feel More like a Man probably. Nice. He will feel that way with Her so that rocks for Her.



  41.  #41Daria on May 24, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    Haha Ann!!!! it’s actually very subtle and no one has noticed it yet! It’s more like hand close hand throw out open… I don’t even have to actually make contact with my body… it kinda looks like I just casually swung my hand that way…

    Hahaha…. I feel amused at imagining people noticing and staring.



  42.  #42Linmayu on May 25, 2009 at 9:16 am

    Man. I met the HANDSOMEST guy last night, with the most beautiful eyes. He was attracted to me too, almost certainly, I could feel the energy and it felt good to be around him. We were assigned to be partners at a storytelling workshop where we had to tell each other a story of something that happened to us, and then each repeat the other’s story back to them. Listening at level 2 really works–too well!

    I’m glad I’ve sworn off men because this was someone I could easily get hung up on, and it would have been disastrous. The attention felt good and he wanted to help me with some physical issues, but he has such a strong focus on things that need “fixing” that it made me feel small and actually intensified the pain. As it happened, I didn’t even find out his name. If I went back today I would probably run into him again, but I don’t think I will.

    I’ve been feeling shut down since I’ve sworn off men and I don’t want to feel or be shut down. It’s been very easy for me to fall into that comfortable box and say, “oh, I’m obeying God”–but God said we are not to light a lamp and hide it under a bowl, we are to let our light shine so that others may come to know him through us.



  43.  #43Flipper on May 25, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    It doesn’t feel like it’s been that easy to ‘fall’ into that comfortable box, Linmayu. Why don’t you allow yourself to get your fill of healing comfort in it, you deserve it, and it wouldn’t do to refuse a gift your faith has brought you. I have the intuition little windows will appear all by themselves whenever your light is ready to shine. And then doors, a fabulous gateway. (Shoo your NV’s outside to play, however – they mean well, but sounds like they’re now berating you for what they used to scream at you to do, silly girls).



  44.  #44Robin on May 25, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    Linmayu, it sounds like you had a great practice session at listening at level 2- Yay!-and omg I totally relate to you on shutting down and, and falling into that comfort zone, and you’re right-our light is not meant to be hidden-its meant to shine-I felt shut down last night, and Im gonna practice not shutting down, and surrendering to the feelings of light and expansion-I visualize a light in me when Im singing-but I forgot about that passage that says we are a light and that God uses that light as a beacon, and that its not supposed to be hidden…



  45.  #45Robin on May 25, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    Daria, yea I totally agree, that men are picking up on their own feelings through our use of feeling messages-which is awesome!-b/c yay they’re closer to feeling safe with us, and we’re closer to feeling safe within ourselves….

    I felt kinda shut down last night with the 5 hr. guy-he got lost, and I felt impatient at this- so I sank into that and went, ‘yea, Im impatient, and thats ok…”

    So we met and talked, and whoa I let him kiss me again, a little better, but he wanted to kiss a lot again, and Im like” omg is this wrong???’

    I told him I could meet him between 8 and 10, but we didn’t meet till almost 10 and we stayed til 12:30, and I lied 🙁 and told him I had to get up to work, I also told him I was tired, but that was the REAL reason I wanted to go, I was tired and ready to go…and Im not beating myself up but in the future, I will practice saying ‘I feel sleepy, tired, and I feel like going home now…’

    He also TOTALLY reminded me of my ex (the one I work at the church with) , and this was huge, b/c some of the things he said that were sorta triggers for me were almost verbatim things I could hear my ex saying, and I went ‘wow he’s just like my ex, and wow, that actually turns me off a little, so maybe if I had met me=y ex under different circumstances, I wouldn’t have fallen so much…and wow, since Im turned off b/c he reminds me of my ex that I thought I was still attached to, maybe that means Im not so attached to him anymore, and maybe Im over him.,…” It was SO WEIRD-and hes like my ex in so many ways, the way he talks, the way he kisses me and holds me, the things he does and the way he does them…and Im just not all that turned on by it, so Im going, ‘what was it about my ex that impassioned me so much when those same things just
    aren’t as appealing when done EXACTLY THE SAME WAY BY ANOTHER GUY???

    I was like, “Im kissing my ex, only he’s in another guy’s body, and this time, HE WANTS ME…and its weird…I had a dream in Jan where I was talking to my ex, and an improved version of myself walked in, and he said to me “Im gonna go talk to her now..’ and he started making out with this other me..and as I watched him and felt dismissed and sad, he morphed into another guy and I felt turned off…..

    I feel sacred that this guy is so much like my ex, it means Im still attracting the same kind of guys, and I need to heal this…..



  46.  #46Robin on May 25, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    I also wondered “is this how my ex acts in public with his gf? is this how it would be if I was with my ex officially?



  47.  #47Linmayu on May 25, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Flipper, I feel inspired by your vision of the little windows and doors opening up when it’s time. And it’s true, my NVs are out in full force right now, probably triggered by the whole faith thing. The last time that I tried to really “be Christian,” I allowed those NVs to beat me half to DEATH because I really thought they were the voice of God–I really thought God wanted me to hate myself and think badly of myself and allow every other person on the planet to abuse me. I really thought God was a big “Fuck You” in the sky! There really wasn’t any faith involved there, just a lifeless religious practice that made me look good on the outside.

    It is different now, somewhat–mostly because I’ve realized that my Inner Nature really does NOT want to “sin” or cause any harm to anyone. I’ve realized that what I really want and what the holy books say God wants are not so terribly different from one another. My biggest desire used to be the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, regardless of how it affected myself or others–and I don’t want that anymore. I’m not that rebellious, contentious person on the inside.

    Certain Bible verses and certain religious phrases still trigger the hell out of me, though.



  48.  #48Mercedes on May 26, 2009 at 7:38 am

    Linmayu: I’ve been out of town and not reading or posting the last week or so, but when I got on here today and read your post, I couldn’t help but smile. I was watching a movie with my bf last night and one of the characters said “When you light a lamp for someone else, you can’t help but light your own path too”. I loved that line. I see you interacting with people and really feeling warmth toward them so…if you want to swear off men, you can…if you want to change your mind, you can, but…I hope you don’t shut down all the way. I’d like to see you continue to light paths for others and reap the benefits of that.

    Anyway…I belive in fate and I belive in God and I believe that if you’re in a place where you’re not interested in men but maybe that’s temporary (and I don’t know…that’s clearly going to be your choice) then I believe fate and God will take a hand in it and all will be comfortable and easy for you when the time is right. And if you really are meant to be without man and focus only on God then I believe that, as well, will feel comfortable and right. It’s the struggle within you that I’d personally like to see go away soon. You are so strong and I truly admire that.

    I really do think you are an amazing woman…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  49.  #49Linmayu on May 26, 2009 at 9:34 am

    Well, I’m definitely not going to date or try to get into relationships with men…but there’s certainly nothing against my interacting with them out in the world. A lot of the materials I’ve been reading are saying interact only with women or you’ll end up in bed! And I’ve never really bought into that level of isolation. I’d like to just be able to talk to a person, male or female, and not feel shut down and scared inside. Because that feeling I have isn’t limited to men, I get it around women too. I always fear that someone will reject or betray me. It blows. I want to feel like I’ll be OK and blessed no matter what anyone does.



  50.  #50Uschi on September 23, 2009 at 11:13 am

    Rori,
    I feel you could actually say this to my man ” There’s a different kind of love, a kind of love where it makes you better than you are – not less. Where you open up to the possibilities – your possibilities.” Isn’t it funny if you just take away one letter from one word and one word changed from you to us how it changes the whole meaning, and yet it means a lot and does not take away from it. Now look at it:
    There’s a different kind of love, a kind of love where it makes us better than we are – not less. Where we open up to the possibilities – our possibilities.