No Intimacy And Old Flames

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intimacyHere’s a conversation with “Jeanne” about intimacy and old flames:

“Dear Rori,

I’ve been listening to your Reconnect Your Relationship  program and have  really enjoyed it.

There are a couple things I have some questions about/need  clarification.

First, you said never to go against any suggestions/ideas  your man makes,  otherwise it’s leaning forward. But then you mention  being honest with your  feelings and saying, “I don’t want  to….blank.” I don’t like…blank.”

If  my guy makes a suggestion about a movie or place to eat  that I don’t want to  go to, I’ll tell him no, I don’t want to go there.  Then he’ll ask me where  I’d like to go and I tell him….such and such would  feel great to go to.

Since we’ve been together for 8 months, I feel  comfortable suggesting  places, since we’re both foodies and like to try  different places. he even  tells me how great the places are or how much he enjoyed  them and will tell  me,” Great suggestion, love.” So, I’m  feeling confused about your thoughts  there.

Second, since we’ve been dating for 8 months and have  had marriage, kids,  etc on the table as well as our timelines (he told me his  timeline for  marriage and kids is 6 months later than mine). We have a  great  relationship…I see myself with him in the future. I love  him and he loves  me.

My question with exclusivity: I accepted his third  request for  exclusivity after our talk about it and my agreement of  terms. However,  after hearing your program, I feel like I should date other  people. I do,  however, think this would be painful to him.

He’s done  everything to show  me he is invested and loves me (meeting my family several  times and me  meeting his). I would think he would want to break up if I  said I wanted to  date other people…..since he’s been a great man to  me.

What if when I say  to him, “You can take all the time you need, I don’t  want to put pressure on  you or on the relationship…I’m just not willing to  shut my options down  right now…” that he’ll say:

“Well I want to be with someone  who will be true to me and  us. I want to know you have the ability to be  faithful to me down the  road. And this dating other people shows me you can’t  be and that you might  cheat on me in the future.”

Then what?  Thank you.  Jeanne

My Answer:

Briefly – what you’re doing is fantastic – it’s all  according to procedure,  it’s Feeling Messages.

What I’m talking about in  “going against” is all  brain stuff – I know you know the difference, because what  you’re doing is  working great.

Targeting Mr. Right is my program about Circular Dating.

You can Circular  Date without actually DATING anyone – just flirting and  letting men come up  to you and talk with you and EXPERIENCING that your options  are open.

It’s  having the solid confidence that if your man slipped up or  got wishy-washy –  you’d be able to go out and have fun with a new man at  the drop of a hat.

That vibe in you is all you need for now.

Love, Rori

From Jeanne:

Hi Rori,

Thanks for all your help and insight. I think you are brilliant!

One thing I am having difficulty with now is this:

My guy of 9 months has been a bit closed….his is always upbeat and sweet, except I don’t know what he’s truly feeling at times. My instinct knows to “respect the masculine,” so I refrain from asking him how he’s feeling.

Yet, I want to know what’s going on with him. We weren’t intimate for 2 weeks, and although busy with social plans, still bothered me. I talked to him about it and we’re going to try to reserve more time for intimacy. Yet, I seem to be more concerned or yearning for intimacy, it seems. I want to feel desired and wanted. And either our sex drives are different, or something else is going on.

At this same time, I received an email from a past flame:

“I wanted to say Hello. I was thinking of you, and wondering if we were going to bump into each other at the run this past Sunday. I hope all is well. Happy nurses day.”

This guy really had me when we were together…he talked marriage and we really fell for each other, until he had family issues and withdrew. Didn’t think I’d ever hard from him. What do you think?

Jeanne

My Answer:

Jeanne – I remember this “running” guy – don’t fall for this. Don’t even respond. That’s my take.

As for the new guy: Reduced intimacy usually means someone’s angry – possibly him, or worried about disappointing you.

Sound possible?

Step back, open up, warm and inviting, no expectations or requests, and get sexy every single minute in the world so that YOU feel GOOD.

Love, Rori

From Me To You:

***This “old flame” showing up is what nearly ALWAYS happens once you start shifting and Circular Dating.  And it’s nearly always about this same thing:

The “lesson” the old flame had for you still needs to be gone through – one more time.

You have these choices when it happens:

1. Answer him, talk with him, meet him for coffee or a walk, practice using all of my Tools,  and see if you really have “shifted.”

If you’ve shifted inside, you’ll notice different feelings going on in you – your attraction to him might have faded, you might feel sad instead of chemical, you may see him more clearly.

You’ll NOTICE when he triggers you.

You’ll be more aware.

If these shifts haven’t taken place – you’ll just find yourself caught up in his “stuff” the way you did the first time.

Either way – there’s always something to learn, even if what you learn is that you don’t want to “go there” again!

2. Ignore him, let him be in your past.

Work with the feelings that come up, hoist him up on the back of your “horse” in your imagination (that usually helps), and keep riding down the landscape of your life to your Happy Ever After.

In the end, bottom line – HE IS IRRELEVANT!

This is all about you, what you’re learning, how aware you’re becoming – and how this is all helping you to make choices in your life that serve you well and make you feel happy.

Love, Rori

Posted in

831 Comments

  1.  #1Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Top of the world!



  2.  #2Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Ha! I finally did it! LOL! :LOL: Happy Bren!



  3.  #3Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 7:02 am

    😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆



  4.  #4Silver Moonbeam on March 19, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Yay Brenda!!! See I knew you would make it to the top of the world one day!! 😀



  5.  #5Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 7:09 am

    When I first read this line of Rori:

    “That vibe in you is all you need for now.”

    I read it:

    “That vibe in you is all you need TO KNOW.”

    I like to keep that thought forefront, because that positive or negative vibe is a safe compass to assure me or warn me whether I’m on the right path with a man.

    It seems so simple, but it has been monumental to me in walking out of a lifetime of emotionally abusive relationships. Still growing, but I’m getting where I need to be.



  6.  #6Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Moonbeam, LOL! Thanks!



  7.  #7Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 7:17 am

    RE: my #5 – I just read it again and this time at a glance my eye picked up:

    “That vibe is all you need TO ROW.”

    Inotherwords, I don’t need to DO, just BE with my feelings, and it will guide and move the relationship just fine!

    Rori, wow!



  8.  #8Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 7:28 am

    I am back to deciding if I will end it with Kenny. This article from Rori easily indicates yes.

    Ugh. What always stops me short is my concern that he will feel hurt, and I know for a fact he feels downright wrecked when I step away from him.

    And I am so soft-hearted that I keep coming back. I honestly do love him, but I’m not in love with him. Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh.

    This morning he was full of blame, attack, and accusation. I said it feels really bad and I don’t want to be blamed and accused. He turned around and threw a big attack right at me.

    I hung up. I sent him an email that this friendship has reached the end of the road.

    I seriously question my strength to stay with that decision. I think this relationship is a liability, not an asset. He honestly loves me, yet I feel spiritually isolated and drained with him. Ugh.



  9.  #9Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 7:32 am

    I had a CD last summer who I never met. I felt turned off by some things he said. He has messaged me at least once a month since then. I thot he would give up if I just ignored him. He didn’t. I finally blocked him.

    New skill. Feels good to drop off the old.

    Winter is over. It’s spring. Time to clean house. In more ways than one.



  10.  #10Silver Moonbeam on March 19, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Brenda, an old article of Rori’s I have bookmarked, Why Does a Man Treat You Badly?

    Because you let him.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/why-does-a-man-treat-you-badly/



  11.  #11Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Moonbeam,

    I am well aware of that. I just have such a hard time pushing him out of my life when I know it means so much to him. Aaaah! I am his world!

    He is in prison and all he has to think about is TV and me. He has pictures of me everywhere. Ugh.



  12.  #12Silver Moonbeam on March 19, 2012 at 7:51 am

    #11 Brenda

    This is a difficult one. I have a friend in Oz who I spoke to for 3 hours on Sat. night, she and her man split up for the umpteenth time (they have known each other for 12 years) he went back to his own country AGAIN, this was the last straw for her, so she started dating this really nice guy and they have been an item for a few months.

    Now the ex is back on the scene, has never gotten over, wants to move back to Oz to be with her, and she has felt so guilty she has dumped the new man and said yes to the ex, even though she doesn’t feel “in love” with him anymore, she loves him and has all this guilt about how he helped her out in the past with family matters, etc.

    She said when he asked to come back they were on Skype and she was very hesitant but she said he looked so unhappy and she feared he might do something that she said yes, even though she is not at all sure………………..



  13.  #13Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 7:52 am

    From previous thread:

    1242: Femininewoman says:
    Mochaberri I cringed when I read the first sentence. My face ended up in a grimace. It tells me that you don’t know what you want. I also tells me that you might still be questioning whether you are deserving.

    I feel sad that it made you cringe; I’m a little confused – are you saying that I don’t know what I want or he doesn’t know what he wants. As far as me being deserving – deserving of what – his mind games and maniputation? No I’m not deserving of that.



  14.  #14GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Love, love, love to you, Rori… thanks *so much* for this, it is GOLD!! And love to sirens, as we all make this possible together. Hugs Miss Brenda… I read & kinda keep up here in the background on my nice but limited phone, without any internet at the new place I moved to in my community here (about 3 miles from where I was in town). Hopefully we`ll get internet here soon. But I exchanged car exahust, chlorine water (which makes me v ill) and so on for fresh air, open space, silence, walking trails, (very) rustic woods, greenery and well-water. So losing internet ain`t so bad at the moment, considering 🙂 Am drinking in Rori`s gold here, while i walk in woods, garden, & try to learn how to relate better w everyone in my world.



  15.  #15Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 8:06 am

    From previous thread:

    1244: Femininewoman says:
    Mocha it sounds like you are all up in your head and expending another shoe to drop. Like he is deliberately setting you up to disappoint you. How about going back over the conversation and really sink into your body to see what you were feeling at the time? Was it excitement, mixed in with confusion? Was it fear that he will never be able to meet your needs or that he is even willing to meet your needs?

    Saying it was a loaded question kinds of suggest that he is a dishonest person. He might be nudging you to help him become your knight in shining armor. Seems to me like you need to work to drop your defensive stance. I am wondering what I would do if this comes up again. Maybe I would ask for a moment to think, then I would pause and switch his face in my mind to someone else I feel safe with asking anything maybe even God and then speak. I believe in such situations because of your history together and the disappoints you have suffered you might need to just forget who he is and pretend he is someone else that you can be yourself and just speak from your heart. Imagine he is a man who really wants to give you all your desires.

    I admit that at times with KR I am up in my head and feel like the other shoe is going to drop. There was more to the conversation and I did sink into my feelings replaying the conversation and I felt used and no longer appreciated like the relationship is turning into a casual on-again off-again and I don’t want that. There was more to the conversation and yes I do have some feelings of mistrust with him that I am healing. I felt that his asking me such a question had an underlying tone of sex – which did reveal itself later in the conversation. I beleive it was mentioned right before he asked me the question as well hence my defensive stance

    When I speak to him I am always open and inviting seeing him as my knight and shining armor that will step up and move forward with the commitment we both desire and work through the issues that brought us here.



  16.  #16Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 8:10 am

    From previous thread:

    1255: LoveAlways says:
    Mochaberri

    # 1240

    I’ve been hit with a question similar to that. Would feel good to focus on the present moment of what you want from him if the questions triggers you to thoughts in your head (like it does me). I told that CD I wanted him to hold me close and share a cup of steaming hot chocolate with me. It kept me from having to have “relationship” type of response to him, and it allowed me to be powerful, positive and poetic

    Thanks LoveAlways – I was really taken back when he asked me and I immediately went into my head but I feel good with my answer “I need you for everything” even if I didn’t have a specific im mind at that moment.



  17.  #17GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Actually, I had plenty of greenery in town too, and a v quiet street, but now am in a place where I can garden more etc, so am actually intimate with the greenery around me! We`re making gardens in town at another property too! And where I am now, my housemate has a dog I`ve fallen in love with, and while I`m appreciative & loving to them, I`m not usually deeply crazy about dogs much. But this dog is like the one we had when I was little — he`s like perfect masc energy, a sentinel, loving, protective, sane, fun, strong, vulnerable, honest, never sneaky, not disruptive or selfish… nice. This has set me to thinking how much our dog from my childhood gave me my idea of male presence. He was very protective of us kids, and kinda took charge of us with great maturity, intelligence & foresight. He stepped up.



  18.  #18Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 8:25 am

    RE 15 Mocha it comes across as a bit inauthentic to me.

    ‘I felt that his asking me such a question had an underlying tone of sex – which did reveal itself later in the conversation”. I would assume that your wall of protection might have unconsciously gone up when you sensed “the underlying tone of sex” so it is a bit difficult for me to believe “When I speak to him I am always open and inviting seeing him as my knight and shining armor that will step up and move forward with the commitment we both desire and work through the issues that brought us here”. It seems to me that you “might” benefit from going deeper into yourself to really identify some deeper feelings. I sense that Lilibee’s journey might help you.

    “I beleive it was mentioned right before he asked me the question as well hence my defensive stance” The fact that you say “I believe” here suggests to me that you are not recalling the conversation correctly. At least that is my experience and what I myself do.



  19.  #19Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Moonbeam,

    RE: #12 – Not healthy at all!



  20.  #20Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 8:29 am

    GingerSky,

    RE: #14 – Hugs! I feel happy to see you here. I “miss” you! Glad you have more of nature now outside of town! Is there a library nearby?

    I had nothing but phone for my internet for 2 months last fall, and it was a challenge.



  21.  #21Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 8:31 am

    GingerSky,

    RE: #17 – Oooh, I love your description of the dog having step up male energy! I love it! And it is true of my dogs, too, even tho they are girls. I feel safe with them here, knowing they will alert me if there is ever an intruder. And they keep me warm at night.



  22.  #22Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Mochaberri I believe he was genuinely asking you what you want. I believe it was a golden opportunity to be vulnerable and show how much you love yourself and is worthy of the best in life rather than being focussed on his manipulation, mind games or dishonesty. Remember the focus has to be on you regardless of what he is doing, saying or thinking. My thinking is that if you are strong on the inside you can speak your truth to him because there is nothing he can do or say that will pull you off your bridge. What you want doesn’t necessarily have to come from him, plus you aren’t putting any pressure on him for anything. I have been able to get myself to that place so now I can tell any man what I want. In the past I used to be hesitant to tell that one special man but now I just say that “I am in a place where I want……”. It is not about him or him giving it to me, it is all about me and what I want. He knows I am totally open to walking and have experienced me living my boundaries.



  23.  #23Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Mocha I cringed because it kind of felt like a slap in the face to me and I feel worried that he might have felt the same way too.



  24.  #24LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 8:49 am

    How on point this post is for me Rori!!!! I have ex-boyfriends coming out of the woodwork lately!!!



  25.  #25Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 8:53 am

    I am feeling a little worried that whatever is happening between SmartCD and me is too ‘smooth’ lol, like he may get bored that things are so nice. He treats me so well and seems to really enjoy my company. Yet yesterday he said that I am so ‘nice’, he doesn’t know yet whether I am a nice person in general or just being nice to him. He said that he doesn’t have enough data points to make this decision yet 😉 I said what do you mean, I throw plates at waiters when I feel like it. He said he didn’t see that yet, but will make sure to give higher tips. I was joking, not sure how he took it lol!

    He also suddenly mentioned out of the blue that he made progress with his ex, so when she showed up during his lunch with the boy and said she didn’t want him there, he just ignored her and finished lunch..

    But seriously, I need to be more challenging perhaps?



  26.  #26Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 8:54 am

    @ FW #23 – Here is the first sentence:

    I am trying to catch up but I wanted to ask a question. If a man aske you do you need him for anything – how would you answer?

    I am feeling really confused how this seems to be a slap in the face



  27.  #27Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Good Morning Siren Island. Hope everyone had a great weekend like I did. CDing—- got lots of practice. Wound up liking the guy I thought I never would and woke up to posts on his FB about me. I have always wanted to be shown off like that and it felt great seeing it. *looks forward to more of that in the future*

    As for old flames… I usually respond to the messages but dont usually meet up, except with one. And yes, I did feel a shift…. but…. idk



  28.  #28Coco Kisses on March 19, 2012 at 8:57 am

    WOW, I may not be number one, but to be amoungst the top 20 is good too.
    I’m glad rori bought this subject, up as I was confused as to how to Circular Date while being separated, yet still leagally married. I’ve been warming up to CD by being open to other men, all men in general, and using the tools.

    Updates:

    My husband called me again this morning, this time I did anwser the phone. He was like wow it must be my lucky day. He told me that he’s been trying to call me like everyday, and that he didn’t know things were going to be like this when we got separated. He said I seems as though I’m enjoying my life, and very happy with having space. He thought we would have more communication, but he sees that I’m not even calling him (which I haven’t since he left), and he’s not sure where this is headed. He said that if this is how its going to be, me not anwsering his calls, and I’m happier without him, that maybe we should just get a divorce. I told him that as I told him last week, that if I were thinking of divorce, or if there were somebody else, that I’d just let him know, but as of now, divorce was not on my mind. I told him however that if he feels like he wants to get a divorce that if he filled, I feel as though I don’t want to hold him back, and I would sign the papers. He then said, I’m just saying “MAYBE” that’s what we should do. He said he does miss “the family”, the dogs, my daughter. What he is not saying is Coco, I miss you, and love, you, and I’m willing to do anything to get our marriage on track. It is precisely this lack of humility that is pissing me off to be quite frank. I WILL NOT TAKE HIM BACK UNTIL HE HAS HUMBELY DECLARED HIS LOVE FOR ME. I truly believe right now he is nervous, because he can’t figure me out, since I have been leaning so far back in the boat and enjoying the sunshine and cool breeze, that he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what I’m doing with my time, and I’m not devulging too much information. This makes him, feel like bailing out completely. I’m going to hold my ground, trying to practice my tools with him, which is hard, cause I feel like cussing him out (a little bit…lol), but I know that is totally masculine energy. I am open however to maybe going out to dinner with him, so we can really feel each other’s vibe. How do I let him know I’d be open to this type of interaction, without leaning forward? Any suggestions, or comments on this, I’m new to this thing, so I”d appreciate any help I can get. Also, I have trouble setting boundries. How would I phrase my boundries and conditions that must be met, before I’d even consider taking him bakc in the house?

    Rori, Brenda, Daria, Feminine Woman



  29.  #29Hopeful on March 19, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Brenda –

    When reading your posts about Kenny, and you not wanting to break his heart, I see a parallel between you and Ryan and Kenny and you.

    Ryan might have thought that he could not “break up” with you because he knew how much it meant to you to have him in your life.

    So I ask you, knowing what you know now about Ryan, that he did not want to be “girlfriend/boyfreind” (or HOWEVER YOU define it) would you rather that he be straight with you, or keep you around so as not to hurt you?

    I think keeping Kenny around because your worried about breaking his heart sounds kind of sad to me. If you set him free, who knows where his life could lead? Really. If he is being mean to you, perhaps he is ready for the next thing too. Not sure what the dynamic is, but it seems like your heart is telling you the right thing to do.

    If Ryan could take care of himself after you move on, so can Kenny.



  30.  #30Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Hopeful, Brenda

    Hopeful, I agree. Men are supposed to be able to take care of themselves and our job is to speak our feelings. Brenda maybe you should just tell him how you feel. That’s just how i feel about it. If u want to see other people you should do that. Don’t be afraid to lose someone. CDing make you bold and unafraid to lose any one guy! 🙂



  31.  #31lk on March 19, 2012 at 9:11 am

    had a lovely morning. cd went to take his friend to the station at 3:45 in the morning ! & i didn’t feel like sleeping after i woke, so i watched a movie & then cleaned & gave myself a really nice facial : ) & had tea… & listened to music… & it felt really relaxing : ) & cd came home with breakfast & we had tea & cuddled…

    i felt glad i was thinking of that neighbor lady on friday for some reason, because we hung out with them on saturday & went into town for a beer, to people-watch on st. patrick’s… & 3 times she crossed my “suggests one-on-one hang-outs” boundary – or at least she seemed to. i feel very open to assuming that she did nothing wrong, but i feel glad i expressed my feelings about it.

    first, she saw a sign at the bar we were at & said, “oh, look CD, we could stay here til (X hour the bar closed” & i thought it was funny that she addressed her comment to him only, so i said quietly to him, “sure, i’ll pick you both up tomorrow morning” & he said, “why would you leave ? ” & i said i was just teasing…

    later, in the car, she said, if either of you are ever in X town, i could go to lunch, & i immediately said i can’t (she knows i work far away during the day) & she invited CD. cd laughed it off & said no, even though she tried to convince him. (also annoying, but not really relevant, she kept giving him backseat driving directions & notes about oncoming traffic ? lol even though i was up with him in the front seat (& btw he’s a very competent driver lol – does not need my “help”)

    the whole time, both neighbor people seemed grumpy or something & she kept pulling them out of stores & stuff… i felt weird around her again, even though i felt excited to be hanging out with a girl my age : ) we still didn’t “click” about really a single thing ! it’s so weird.

    i noticed even more how they bicker & criticize each other… like, he’d say, “you’re unbelievable… have you guys ever met someone who thought that ?” or whatever. i don’t like that or hearing that.

    so anyway, when we got home, i said to cd, “so i feel a little confused… i feel glad you aren’t going to lunch with her” & he said, no, that’s absurd. why would i take her to lunch if i could go meet you for lunch ? & then i said, yes & i felt weird when she suggested you guys stay late at the bar, even though it probably wasn’t meant that way, & he agreed – both that it was weird & that it wasn’t meant that way, & he “got” my joke from before & laughed

    & i said, i don’t know if she’s trying to hang out with you or what, but if they don’t have a good relationship, i don’t want to spend a bunch of time together. & he agreed.

    then later at dinner, she mentioned she might drop by to walk the dog & she & neighbor husband were bickering & bickering & she got pretty drunk & passed out on the sofa.

    it all felt very confusing… but i feel good about talking to CD & the next morning, he said, “i don’t think they have a very good relationship… even though i think they are very affectionate & loving toward each other, but behaviors are contagious” & i said i don’t want that tone in my relationship & he agreed.

    today & yesterday felt so close & intimate. i feel so grateful to be able to express my feelings, without blaming anyone, & intend to continue doing it. i can’t wait to go home tonight. i feel so excited for calm cuddling & relaxation without any guests for the first time in a few days !



  32.  #32Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 9:23 am

    I am mad at ATW for not calling me. Last Sunday I so told him how it makes me feel when I sleep with him and don’t hear from him for several day. And he’s just doing it again. I am soooo mad!!! Arrrgggggggg!!!



  33.  #33Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 9:23 am

    “My response was “Wow that feels like a loaded question and I don’t know if I should answer. ( I had not talked to KR in a week and felt it weird he asked)”

    Mocha this was what felt like the slap in the face to me. There is a possibility that he spent the week thinking that maybe he is wrong and that you are worthy of your desires. I remember Rori on Reconnect talking about how we make men shrivel up when they move towards us because of the way we respond. I am also thinking about CCarter’s Make or Break Moments. Maybe if it felt weird you could have used this as the feeling message?

    I realized you had not spoken for a week but saying it was a loaded question, suggests at least in my mind a loaded gun drawn to kill. It does not suggest to me that you were thinking he had something good to offer. Or were you? Hope this makes sense to you. I acknowledge that it could be my trigger that I am projecting also but I look forward to getting this kind of opportunity with men these days just to see what they say.



  34.  #34Hopeful on March 19, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Coco Kisses 28 –

    Sirens – I am REALLY curious to hear your thoughts on Coco’s situation. He is stepping up by calling.

    Coco, Is your heart open when he calls? Or do you have your guard up? Would you be open to dating him? Eg, letting him ask you out?

    It is funny that my husband will tell me he loves me, and though I do think he means it, I can tell that he feels hurt too, and it does not come across as loving. But since I have been leaning back and keeping my heart open to him, I do feel like he says/does other sweet things that feel loving to me.

    My husband never moved out though, so Coco’s situation is different.



  35.  #35Issy on March 19, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I enjoy reading your advise. I had a lot happen in my life during the past few years– lost several family members at early ages due to illness and natural causes, lost a long time job, got divorced and more. But always looked at the positive side of it all. I dated for about 4 years on a dating site. Had lots of dates and got disgusted with them all. Then I net a guy from another state very far from where I lived. We went back and fort visiting and had the best time enjoying each other and the basics in life. I decided that I would never really get to know him with a long distance relationship so I found a little job in town and moved in with him. He was married twice and so was I. Both of his exwives live in town and the last wife who was married to him for 24 years ( who cheated on him with some guy she works with) comes to his business every day to pick up the mom’s dog. Seems they are still friends even though the entire divorce was devistating to him. When on the dating site he mentioned he wanted to get married again. We talked about it a couple of times but he finally said he was never gonna again. I feel like we are married and am not. I think he thinks why get married now. His life is fine the way it is. He believes in God and so do I. All these other people in town have gotten divorced and are getting remarried– that is their own thing…. He’s a great guy and I love him but have pulled back some. The whole not being married thing– at times– makes me feel like he does not think I’m good enough and I’m just the live-in girlfriend. A this point in our lifes on age, we could be dead tomorrow. I’m not sure how to play this one out. It’s the best relationship I have ever had in my life. We get along so great and like all the same things. I rented out my house in another state as I can’t sell it. I really enjoy living a much simplier life here with him. Also, he has a hard time saying I love you but has said it. He shows his love by doing stuff. Guess it’s a mid west kinda guy thing? What to do?



  36.  #36Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Coco I would express to him that what I want is a relationship with a man in my life, phone conversations are not the same thing to me. I want one with some who wants it with me and sees me as good enough to spend quality time with me. I feel so turned off hearing that “maybe” I am not good enough and that is not what I want. I would be open to what you might have in mind or thinking but I am totally into myself right now and in living my life and creating the happiness that I want.

    Coco I feel sadness around you wanting him to humbly declare his love or else you won’t take him back. People show love in different ways and experience love in different ways. He might even be already doing that in the best way he knows how but you cannot see that. Also he as a human being is entitled to make choices for himself. I am sorry but reading the statement had me envisioning a dog begging from a master who does not want to give and it felt humiliating to me. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, men have egos and I just can’t see him humbly begging you to get back with him unless that is what “HE” wants to do. I have known men who have done that but the possibility still exists that things can go south in the future with him ending up resenting you.



  37.  #37Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Hopeful and Emoticon,

    RE: #29-30 – Kenny is not holding me back from other men. We have had a clear understanding that I am going to date ever since our divorce in 2006. But he does hold me back in the sense that it takes time and energy to nurture that friendship. I think you are right. It is time to end it. I think maybe a note here and there would be all right, to put him way far back on the back of my horse. I mean, he didn’t do anything to define him as an enemy. We are just on two separate paths. So a letter here and there is fine.

    The dynamic with Ryan was not one of him wanting to let me go but hanging on because he didn’t want to hurt me. Not a little bit. It became clear and proven that he was trying to establish mind control over me. If you think it’s far-fetched, just read about mind control.

    Ryan didn’t want a romantic relationship with me. He wanted an owner-slave relationship with me. I don’t feel like trying to convince anyone else.

    Think what you want. There are volumes I didn’t and won’t put on the blog. It is pointless and only drains my energy. I did post within the last week about Ryan himself warning me to stay away from him, that it is not safe.



  38.  #38Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Lizka,

    RE: #32 – I know that hurts. You have the power to say yes or no to what he offers.



  39.  #39Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Brenda.

    I understand and I actually feel a little scared (for you) reading what you wrote about Ryan. And yes I know where you are coming from with the mind control thing, I read about it once in a while and it seems simple to a lot of us until you read about it and realize what some people are really doing. It’s kind of scary how easily people can manipulate others. All i can say is you should do what feels right to you. If that means ending your friendship with Kenny, do that and if you feel it is better to stay away from Ryan, do that. No need to explain girl, don’t worry about it.



  40.  #40Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Lizka my only comment about your situation was that you have not seemed to have given him any reason to change his behavior.



  41.  #41Hopeful on March 19, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Brenda – Did not mean to trigger you. It sounds like you know what you want to do.



  42.  #42Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Hello Sister Sirens!

    I spent a wonderful weekend at M’s. He was very loving and caring, although recovering from a cold and has tons to do (his taxes, ect). I spent some leisurely time reading a book and we watched some movies and had awesome diners.

    He told me he has ‘never felt this comfortable with anyone before’ and I have heard the L word so many times this weekend I can’t count!

    I did my yoga at his place and read while he was busy with personal stuff and it felt all very relaxed in a domestic sort of way, like what it would feel like living together when our kids are not around.

    He asked if I would move in to the same apartment complex as I am selling my house, to have some flexibility to start looking for a house together when his divorce is finalized!



  43.  #43Coco Kisses on March 19, 2012 at 10:01 am

    RE: #35 Feminine Woman

    Coco I feel sadness around you wanting him to humbly declare his love or else you won’t take him back. People show love in different ways and experience love in different ways. He might even be already doing that in the best way he knows how but you cannot see that. Also he as a human being is entitled to make choices for himself. I am sorry but reading the statement had me envisioning a dog begging from a master who does not want to give and it felt humiliating to me. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, men have egos and I just can’t see him humbly begging you to get back with him unless that is what “HE” wants to do.

    You are right in what you say, and I don’t want him to beg to come back home, but my husband is arrogant, and i wold be nice for him to own up to what he has contributed negatively to this marriage. He is still not owning up that many of the issues we had in our marriage were created by his attitude, not just me, although I did have issues, and have solved them. He may,as you stated, be doing the best he can do..just by saying I miss the family, you, maya, and the dogs.

    If he calls back today, I will take ur advice. Thank you 🙂 You really seem to have a handle on on being a modern day siren 🙂



  44.  #44Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:03 am

    He wants me to get an apartment in the same apartment complex (more like 2 or 3 story row houses with a common garden and private terrasses) so that when we start looking for a house together we can take our time… and look for a great deal on a house in the area. What do you think?



  45.  #45Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:04 am

    lk, i feel happy that you don’t have to stuff or tolerate anything, that you can communicate.

    i feel weird about unhappy couples too. cf lives with an unhappy couple.



  46.  #46Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Also, we would obviously start bonding our families with our children more at evening meals during the week too… My house could take months to sell and it’s pointless to start searching until I have sold it.



  47.  #47Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 10:09 am

    I know FW… I feel so regretful. I think I’m gonna end everything now. I know we’re not suppose to do closure but this feels too hopeless and I am really bored of suffering because of him. I wan to start from scratch with someone new with who I don’t have an emotional background…



  48.  #48light heart on March 19, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Hi Emoticon and all
    yes I also had a great weekend!

    All my inner (and outer!) feminine work is manifesting nicely,
    because men everywhere are tripping
    over themselves to treat me nicely,
    in so many ways! the exchange always
    makes me feel wonderful and the
    man seems very pleased to be able to
    experience a woman receiving in this
    way, without minimizing or qualifying it
    it any way. I’m so happy that I
    don’t feel jaded or closed off to men
    after the experience with the damaged man,
    but rather much more open to them.

    Sometimes it takes sinking deeply into
    a very painful source of suffering, to see
    it clearly, to crack the heart open that much
    more

    🙂
    light heart



  49.  #49Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:11 am

    I feel it would be ‘safe’ to explore and experiment on joigning our lives this way… in the same housing complex… so close yet with our private space too. I feel a little worried that he simply does not want to look for a house right away, but instead of future plans of ‘renting’ a house he wants us to ‘buy’ one together! I admit this makes a lot of sense, although I am not sure if moving in the same complex to experiment is a very Sireny thing to do… But there are kids involved and their happiness and us being sure this would work in the long run is so important. I am curious to see what Sirens thinks of this?



  50.  #50Coco Kisses on March 19, 2012 at 10:12 am

    RE #34 Hopeful

    When he calls I am totally open. We even laugh at each other if we say something funny. My husband just isn’t used to me leaning his far back, and it’s making him unconcomfortable. I really want to be with my husband, but only if he is willing to make me / us happy, and he wants to pick up the oars and row the boat. I’m really focusing on loving me, being feminine, leting him lead, and not overfuncioning. Also I really need help with seting boubndries.



  51.  #51Jilly on March 19, 2012 at 10:13 am

    FW..I just clicked on the other post and I saw that you said hi to me in post 2 and Im not sure how I just now saw that…so I’m saying “hi” back 🙂



  52.  #52Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Memulo be yourself. The more challenging you could be is with cdating and mysteriously living and loving your life regardless of him.



  53.  #53Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Hello light heart, thanks for responding and good to know you had a good weekend.



  54.  #54Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Siren Angel, it sounds like you’re trying to figure out how much you’re willing to bend to keep him happy, to go along with HIS ideas. What do YOU need with any given man to feel comfortable living together, or moving out of your own home at his request to live nearer to him? That is a very boat-rowing thing to do. He should be moving closer to YOU if that’s what he wants;). So this is a good time to really check in with yourself and forget about his requests and what they mean, and just ask yourself, what do you *really* need to feel comfortable with any given man to sell your house and move closer/in with each other? For me it would be an engagement ring, but it’s different for a lot of women.



  55.  #55GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 10:16 am

    #20 & #21 Thanks, Brenda! No library out here, & in our town they only allow maybe 30 mins online anyway, so not worth bussing & walking to it. But it feels good to get your suggestion!



  56.  #56Jilly on March 19, 2012 at 10:16 am

    I love this post 🙂 It just reiterates to me that it is all in our vibe 🙂



  57.  #57Jilly on March 19, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Hi Gingersky 🙂 good to see you here!



  58.  #58light heart on March 19, 2012 at 10:19 am

    ….going into a braco gazing session

    have dear lover on my kindle…

    thank you healing waterfall

    🙂
    light heart



  59.  #59Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Emoticon and Hopeful,

    Thank you! Yes, I have already ended it with Ryan. I did that the Saturday following Valentine’s Day. There has been some communication since then, just wrapping up loose ends. But I ended our friendship at that time until he is healed of schizophrenia. I am still sending him an occasional text or email just to share God’s Love with him, because I believe in unconditional, unfailing love. I want to let him know I am not hostile, and to encourage him to heal. God is his only hope. So I want to welcome him into God’s arms, not chase him away. He is not responding to my encouraging, caring messages, and I prefer it that way. I am not trying any longer to emote a response.

    As for Kenny, I may end up changing my phone number. His track record is to call again and again. It is annoying and it drains my energy. I think it is better to just have written communication from now on. I think I have reached the straw that broke the camel’s back. I love him, but I don’t need to be forever dragged away from my choices of high integrity, and I don’t need repeated attacks and accusations whenever he wants to emote a reaction from me.

    I am going to try to remember that it is not ME who is ending this friendship. It is Kenny, by the choices he made after 6 years of “second” chances. A normal woman would have cut it off after a divorce. There was a reason I divorced him. I am fed up with toxic relationships.



  60.  #60Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Ginger Sky,

    RE: #55 – YW. Bummer. I hate it when they limit time on the computer. No car either, huh? 🙁



  61.  #61Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 10:25 am

    What I did this weekend is go on 2 dates, with the same CD. Very simple yet very fun, enjoyable, wonderful dates.

    The first one we just spent the night talking in his car and I had a great time getting to know him and letting him get to know more about me. We were waiting on my little cousin who we had just dropped off at a party and I really didnt want out and walk anywhere. So that was very nice.
    Last night, we went to this bar owned by St.Lucians (I’m St.Lucian, He’s Jamaican) and there was karaoke going on. (I’m a singer so you know thats my thing!) Usually I dont let guys in on my talent too early, or on my crazy dancing, giddy, laughing behavior, but finally I have learned to let my guard down with guys who I am just getting to know and DANCE. SING, LAUGH, ACT AS CRAZY AS I FEEL LIKE. Thats what I do to have fun and I always thought guys might think I’m crazy if I do that too early, but I’m comign to find out that they love it, and they begin joining me dancing in the middle of a quiet bar and singing at the top of our lungs at karaoke and laughing at silly stuff. I LOVE THIS! And I will keep it up!



  62.  #62Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Starla,

    Thank you for your reply…

    The truth is we live in the suburbs and he only lives 2 hwy exits away and closer to where I would buy again anyway. It does make sense as I want to move away from my area, which is at the furthest point of the major city and before a bridge. I do want to move closer, and he is close enough that my youngest could still go to the same school. I would move to that area anyway.

    I am not sure I would rent in the SAME complex, but near enough. I am just afraid this makes me too much at his mercy without a real commitment for a future together (at least the promise of that with a ring).

    What I want is us to truly live together because I see myself much more in a house with a private yard and pool parties and all that… However, I cannot afford to keep the house I now own so am putting it up for sale. I would move into a condo or apartment anyway.



  63.  #63Jilly on March 19, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Siren Angel…

    this feels “unsafe” to me as opposed to “safe”…I wanted to say it feels weird and then I wanted to go deeper…

    I don’t think it’s necessary to “experiment”, that feels like BS

    For me it would be an engagement ring too…

    But I moved from cali to utah with a boyfriend and I knew that we would be married someday so I didn’t need a ring at that point…I felt secure…(though when he did propose I didn’t want to get married anymore :/

    in your post you talk about “making sure it would work out” and that feels off…maybe that’s what I’m picking up on…



  64.  #64Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Iamabutterfly,

    Here is some beautiful, heavenly music!

    Starla,

    This may guide your dreams if you want to soak in it as you fall asleep…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOvTm5-HfJQ&feature=share



  65.  #65Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:28 am

    I’m the kind of woman who needs a family and a family home. That is what I want.



  66.  #66Goodheart on March 19, 2012 at 10:32 am

    I love the idea of a nightly gratitude journal. Thanks for that FW.



  67.  #67Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Ahh, okay, Siren Angel. So it sounds like you need to sell your house anyway, so I don’t see anything wrong with not moving any further away or even moving closer. I do feel anxiety for you when I read you say “so I would be doing it anyway,” like you’re trying to rationalize settling.

    You also say, “I am just afraid this makes me too much at his mercy without a real commitment for a future together (at least the promise of that with a ring).”

    I think you should honor this. Just do you. Rent a place where YOU want to rent, pretending like he doesn’t even exist! My suggestion would be to tell him you feel so flattered that he wants you to live closer, and that you would feel GREAT living together, but don’t want to make serious commitments and changes like that without the real commitment of engagement and marriage.



  68.  #68Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Nightly gratitude journal? Sounds like a great idea!! … Im grateful for that suggestion!



  69.  #69Jilly on March 19, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Siren Angel…

    If you felt great about it I would say…go for it! 🙂 Because you are moving anyway. I would do what feels best and wouldn’t NOT move closer just to make a point. 🙂

    But since you brought up doubts of being “too accessible” I would question that…why is that there?



  70.  #70Jilly on March 19, 2012 at 10:36 am

    hmmm…seems like Starla and I kinda saying the same thing lol at least on the same track 🙂



  71.  #71Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Brenda, I’m not christian, was never baptized as such, but I will give the audio a try;) Thank you for sharing!



  72.  #72GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 10:39 am

    #21 And Brenda, I`ve missed you too. I typed a long message here about that & more but accidentally deleted it. Part of what I was saying was to tell everyone that as a member of an intentional community, I dont`t think much of the new Jennifer Aniston movie, Wanderlust, about IC. We thought it was a waste of money & totally a collection of almost every stereotype, urban myth, cheap shot, easy joke, cliche, & convenient sophomoric laugh that could be rolled into one movie about IC. It felt VERY SAD to me to watch it! More on that later, when I get down the hill to an internet connection! (And Brenda, I feel gratified to think how much you might appreciate the rustic and serene surroundings in which I now live! Hope your place is still good for you 😉 )



  73.  #73Radiant Rising on March 19, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Hi Goodheart! I was actually going to email you but I’ll share I might as well share here, as of yesterday I earned three certifications in less than 7 weeks. After a long workshop my teach asked me if I could assist him in an emergency treatment of a patient. With all my days worth of new found knowledge I treated this lady’s fever, immune system and respiratory system. My teacher was so proud! 🙂 I feel pretty proud of myself too! Still miss you know who, but I know everything is heading in the bestest direction. 🙂

    How are you, my lovely Goodheart?



  74.  #74Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Thank you Jilly and Starla!

    I will sink into my feelings and explore what I really want.

    What I really want seems so far away in a way and at the same time it does feel like we could also instantly decide to move in together… but not until his former house that his ex is still living in is sold… and that will be most probably only after hsi divorce is finalized, that still being several months away.

    I do see in the future a ring and marriage, yet I sense he will never want to go there unless we are already living together… I know this can be a trp Rori cautions against. However, in the circumstances of my 2 kids and his 3 kids, it does seem wiser to live together before marriage.

    BUT, I really want that ring. I would feel so much safer. It is the intention that counts, and that ring is intention. The rest (living together, marriage) can follow.



  75.  #75Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:48 am

    I am grateful for the now and look forward to what the future holds, and a ring!



  76.  #76Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Yes, if I had a ring, and I am inviting the ring in my life, then I would feel safer and more sure of where he is rowing the boat to!



  77.  #77Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

    “However, in the circumstances of my 2 kids and his 3 kids, it does seem wiser to live together before marriage.”

    I am not a parent, so please forgive me for this ‘ignorant’ comment, but I was the child of a single parent with an active dating life, and I would urge you to consider that if you move in together and break up before marriage, it is going to seriously disrupt your kids’ lives and screw with their idea of and trust in Stable Relationships.



  78.  #78GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 10:50 am

    #60 Brenda Yeah, still no car, ak. But at this point, keeping one up seems SO expensive, I almost feel blessed to not have one right now. If only our town had better bus service, but at least the one I ride now actually seems punctual so far, so maybe I won`t miss my connections to other routes. Somehow life has come down to some very simple things for me in these last few years. I`m very apprecicative of all blessings, no matter how small, & have shed many illusions about conveniently controlling life… am instead learning much about manifestation, prayer & gratitude. And letting go of judgments coming to or from me.



  79.  #79Goodheart on March 19, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Radiant, I am so glad to hear you are doing wonderfully! I hope you are keeping your heart open even though you are missing that special someone. You never know what the universe has up its sleeve 🙂

    I have a small, pretty box that I labeled “Universe.” Whenever, I feel anxious or unsure about anything (or just wondering myself mad about how something is going to work out) – I write it down on a slip of paper & stick in the box. Then I let it go & let the Universe take care of it 🙂



  80.  #80Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Starla,

    Yes! This is an interesting point of view, and certainly M being very cautious about me seeing the kids again until he was ‘sure’ was behind this same train of thought… and I have been invited back into the kids lives. So I do see the commitment there as he had said he would not introduce anyone in their lives again until he was sure. And he is sure enough about me to want to spend the time he has with his kids with me and my youngest child.

    Also, yes I would feel much safer engaged before living together as well for my son’s well-being. I believe his intention is to have us live close enough to experiment and I have no doubt the ring will folllow before or during the house hunting.



  81.  #81Radiant Rising on March 19, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Aww thank you Goodheart for that tip. I will see if I can try a variation of that. 🙂 It is difficult, but I am doing my best to keep my heart open. Wednesdayi have a lunch date so that shall keep me busy. 🙂



  82.  #82Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 10:57 am

    What I am a little scared of is the ‘in-between’ phase, ir living so close, thus giving up my privacy in some way, giving myself up to him in a way, without the actual live in and/or engagement/marriage commitment.



  83.  #83light heart on March 19, 2012 at 10:58 am

    ahhhhh, that was so peaceful….
    the braco gaze felt like the most purest innocent
    agenda-free un-selfconscious giving,

    making it easy to receive with as much as possible
    open heart and mind, which is the
    ‘giving back’

    I feel inspired to see the innocence in
    everyone, even the very damaged suffering
    men, who know not what they do,

    I can honor my feelings that it doesn’t feel good,
    and I don’t have to agree or put myself in overly
    compromising positions, I take care of myself,

    and instead of identifying as victim,
    condemning or judging them or trying to
    fix them, I can simply “be the change I want to see”

    and stay focused on my well-being

    🙂
    light heart



  84.  #84Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Siren Angel, if you have “no doubt,” then just wait until it actually comes!



  85.  #85LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Emoticon

    #61

    I love what you wrote about being comfortable and free with who you are and what you like to do. It sounds so siren-y!!!!



  86.  #86light heart on March 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

    79Goodheart
    “I have a small, pretty box that I labeled “Universe.” Whenever, I feel anxious or unsure about anything (or just wondering myself mad about how something is going to work out) – I write it down on a slip of paper & stick in the box. Then I let it go & let the Universe take care of it :-)”

    I love the Universe box idea!
    I made one years ago to put pictures and things to help attract what I want, something like a vision board, but I’m going to try using it this way for now.
    Thanks,

    🙂
    light heart



  87.  #87Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Starla, I have ‘no-doubt’ the way things are now…



  88.  #88Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Thank You LoveAlways. It felt very siren-y too!



  89.  #89Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 11:09 am

    @ FW # 22

    I feel inspired by this and I understand what you are saying about how it could have been a golden opportunity. However from my experience and during this particular conversation this was not one of those times. As I stated earlier before he asked the question “getting some” was mentioned which turned me off.

    Mochaberri I believe he was genuinely asking you what you want. I believe it was a golden opportunity to be vulnerable and show how much you love yourself and is worthy of the best in life rather than being focussed on his manipulation, mind games or dishonesty. Remember the focus has to be on you regardless of what he is doing, saying or thinking. My thinking is that if you are strong on the inside you can speak your truth to him because there is nothing he can do or say that will pull you off your bridge. What you want doesn’t necessarily have to come from him, plus you aren’t putting any pressure on him for anything. I have been able to get myself to that place so now I can tell any man what I want. In the past I used to be hesitant to tell that one special man but now I just say that “I am in a place where I want……”. It is not about him or him giving it to me, it is all about me and what I want. He knows I am totally open to walking and have experienced me living my boundaries.



  90.  #90GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Coco, I *totally* get where you are coming from about not wanting to really let him back in until he humbly declares his love for YOU. Oh, how well I know this feeling you are describing! Maybe a good time to practice translating that into a feeling message, and though mine here may not be the best example, I might say to him something like this fwiw: Hmmm… I hear that you miss all those things. I see & understand that your usual routine has clearly been disrupted. However, I`m feeling like I`m finding it easy to be over you, so far, and I`m kind of surprised by that. I feel happy that I may have the chance now to find love that shows up for me in the ways that feel really good for me, like when the man I`m with tells me he misses *me* with passion in his words, as well as humble apppreciation of getting to be with me. I wish it could feel this way to be with you. That would feel really really good to me! and yet I don`t wanna control you, or tell you what to do. I just want this kind of love in my life & that would feel so good and really make me smile inside, and feel yummy and satisfied! Im glad you called, it`s nice to talk. I`ve gotta go bc I have lots to do right nowz and if you wanna talk on this again, give me a call? I think I`d enjoy that. Bye for now!



  91.  #91LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Memulo

    In Rori’s interview with C. Carter in Commitment Blueprint he talks about Emotional Attraction to create a lasting attraction and inspire you guy 1. predictability, unpredictability, playfulness, living your truth and teaching connection. This might be on point with what you are feeling about Smart CD



  92.  #92Starla on March 19, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Siren Angel, does this mean nothing will change for him and his intentions for you if you don’t do things his way?



  93.  #93GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Mochaberry & FW, I`m getting *LOT* out of your honest dialog here! Your conversation has me riveted & is one reason I`m still on after all this time. This kind of honest digging into issues/dynamics is what I *live for* and learn from, and it`s so helpful & healing for me to not back off from discomfort, honesty, communication challenges or detail imo. Your conversation here is golden for me, so thanks.



  94.  #94Goodheart on March 19, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Light Heart, I also have another (bigger) box that I put pictures in of all the lovely things I want to manifest 🙂

    And I truly believe that those things are coming to me!



  95.  #95Starla on March 19, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Siren Angel, sorry if i sound like i’m grilling you! not my intention. <3



  96.  #96Goodheart on March 19, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Oh and, (Goodheart’s off on a tangent!) I also save all the money the universe sends me. People are always commenting that I find money everywhere 🙂 It’s been a thing with my bf & I. On our very first date I found a penny. I was so giddy & happy & I gave it to him because it was tails up. It seemed like every time we had a date I was finding a penny (or 2) so he started calling me his lucky penny. He saved all of them. Now we have a (wait for it) little box that we put all our universe money in 🙂

    This weekend I found a quarter & a penny in the grocery store parking lot. Yesterday I found a nickel in the store.

    Once I found a ten dollar bill 🙂 Woohoo – thank you Universe!



  97.  #97LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 11:35 am

    (((((((((((Lizka))))))))))))))

    Have you considered putting ATW low in rotation of your CDS? Re-evaluate your boundaries with him. If you can manage having sex with him, then do that, if you can’t, then don’t. Just be true to yourself and remember trust your boundaries, follow your feelings, choose your words and allow each moment to be a surprise!



  98.  #98Radiant Rising on March 19, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Goodheart that is wonderful! And what a cute nivkname your boyfriend gave you. 🙂 In my Theta workshop this weekend my teacher showed us a meditation for abundance. Maybe I can start being a lucky penny too lol.



  99.  #99LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Goodheart

    Please put in a good word for me with the universe $$$$$$$ 😀



  100.  #100Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Starla,

    I appreciate your input and the ‘knack’ you have for getting into feelings… 😉

    I want to let him row the boat. I know him enough to know I can’t change the way he thinks or wants things to progress… However, I have noticed he steps up when I share how I feel, and THAT can change his rowing ‘style’ big time.

    I do need to feel also that we are making the responsible choices for the kids involved. If that means experimenting in our living conditions, so be it. What I DO want is a house, with a yard, and all the kids (mine and his, all OUR kids) in the house. I want to feel the way we feel now when we are living together. I want the live-in the most, but I also do want the ring. I deserve it fully, I know that. I deserve the wedding. I am just not sure there necessarily has to be a certain order for all types of relationships and life stages. I do inspire him. This feels good. I want to inspire him to give me a ring. 🙂



  101.  #101Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 11:53 am

    and I trust his judgement fully as far as the best choices for the kids.

    It would feel so amazing to feel safe, to know I am cared for deeply and enough for him to make that commitment.

    It would feel amazing to come home to him and all the kids and just have our wonderful life! Have our fun times and feel safe about it all the time too. By this, I mean I am grateful every day, and I want us to be grateful every day when we do live together, for our life together, our happiness together. This may come before or after marriage or before or after an engagement ring, I don’t know. I may not need to know this right now. I feel calmer now.



  102.  #102Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 11:54 am

    I trust he’s rowing the boat in the right direction. That feels good 🙂



  103.  #103Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

    I don’t know Mocha, you are best situated to know. However “getting some” could also have been him testing you to see how you respond to him.

    Gingersky/Mocha it just reinforces for me the reason why I am not sold on sex without commitment/marriage. Now that I have learned Rori’s way it is so much easier for me to use even those loaded comments for being playful and also practicing telling the truth. I feel almost no inhibition or intimidation with guys. Funny enough when they bring up the sexual thing/talk and I am playful as opposed to being offended or defensive it usually takes the conversation deeper and have the guy open up more.



  104.  #104lk on March 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    i keep imagining a ring on my finger o_0 lol i did not even know i wanted a ring. i don’t like jewelry much & rings are the weirdest-feeling…. but now that we’ve been talking about it, i feel really excited & warm about wearing an outward symbol of my commitment all the time : ) yum



  105.  #105Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    @ FW #33 – OK!! I know understand. I genuinely feel was being authentic and truthful about how I felt about the question it did feel like a loaded question and I did not want to stuff down anything that I was feeling. He actually didn’t make a big deal out of my response and accepted my answer of “I want everything”.

    This is not the first time that we have gone a week without talking. It’s become a norm at this moment.

    I have to disagree with your statement that I’m not warm and inviting – as Tinque suggests to lay back and get comfortable and that helps with being soft warm and open – I do that when I am home. If I’m out I will ask if I can call back jsut so that I can get into that position on my bed. In the beginning of this as with all other conversations he could hear me smiling and being girly. I know he dosen’t like to talk on the phone when driving so I didn’t make it about him when I attempted to make my exit off the phone. His response was that I haven’t talked to you in a while so it’s OK and I told him that felt good to hear. When he then goes into this is why our commincation is messed up rant or as in this conversation as well as others approachming for sex as if it’s a booty call yes I do get defensive because it shows that he is not valuing my worth and I have to do that and I make no apologies for defending myself.



  106.  #106Starla on March 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    i feel so effing nervous. i just saw that lots of students have gotten their admissions decisions to their programs, but i haven’t heard anything. I see that in years prior some were informed as late as next week… sigh

    really shaking and scared



  107.  #107Starla on March 19, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    *to MY program that i applied to



  108.  #108Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    @ GingerSky #93 – I feel so good hearing that. Yes FW has a tendency for me anyway to zero in on pinpoint issues that I take a look at and find ways to heal them.

    (((((((FeminineWoman)))))))))

    I was feeling triggered in the begininng but quickly realized that these triggers are things that need to be healed and the biggest thing she is pulling out of me is that I have some issues with my part in communicating with KR. It helps me to see where I contribute and how to approach it in a different way when he comes towards me.



  109.  #109Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Mocha my understanding of the work here is about being so strong on the inside that we drop our defenses and be soft on the outside. Rori recently wrote an article about the man not being a villain. I use this as part of my internal guidance to tell myself that I don’t need to be defending myself so I can experience people I relate to as friends rather than enemies. But that is me.



  110.  #110Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    RE 108 Thanks Mocha it helps me to zero in on myself too.



  111.  #111Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Actually, i am not sure i want marriage right NOW… To be perfectly honest.



  112.  #112Healing Waterfall on March 19, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    hi
    starla
    i thought you were already in a program?
    well, i sure hope you hear soon….
    thanks for the hugs you sent me and fw!
    it feels so good, those cyberhugs!
    and i like the idea of a gratitude journal

    this am i got a birth chart done for my son by this really cool astrologer and that was fun
    then my chiropractor and my friend were trying to finetune an age-regression/chiropractic adjustment and for me it was at age 2 and 4 feeling unsafe, so i got brouught up to present time feeling safe now.
    Woo-hoo! I wonder how that is going to manifest!
    Light heart how was the gazing for you?



  113.  #113Siren Angel on March 19, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    I watched ‘Bride Wars’ last week and there is this scene where ‘Emma’ rushes in jogging gear to her boyfriends office after learning that her best friend ‘Liv’ got a marriage proposal before she did (Emma had found the ring in a closet in her live-in boyfriends sweater). She rushes in is office all sweaty and disheveled and says ‘Will you marry me already?’ And then admits to having found the ring (in a totally unsireny way) and he responds by saying that had she just waited until later that night she would have had the marriage proposal she wanted. And then he says ‘yes, this is what I love about you’.



  114.  #114Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    @ FW #103 and #18

    You are exactly right!! He truly likes to test me and see how I respond to him especially since I’ve been leaning back and not reaching out to him. That’s why I was a little guarded when he asked if I needed anything from him.

    As Brenda mentioned earlier I do not give all the details about how he treats me and I realize that a lot of it is because I let it happen. So that’s why at times I don’t and won’t feel bad if I forget to use my RR tools. I really try in the beginning but somewhere along the line it goes out the window.

    I spoke to a male friend of mine about this most recent exchange and he pointed out that I should have responded by saying I didn’t need him for anything because it was a tactic to find out if I’m seeing someone else.

    KR is very arrogant and manipulative it’s very hard for me to overlook those things when he says or asks certain things.

    FW – keep challenging me to bring these things to the surface as it helps me heal.



  115.  #115Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    @1207: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…Last night I told an “old” short man (said he was 64 looked more like 74 and was very, very short) I don’t want….”

    Just curious…how short was he? I’m guessing your target age group is about 56-62. 64 might be a teeny old for you. Maybe not?

    The guys in 64-65 years old group are like (I took a peek) David Bowie, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kevin Kline, Ted Danson, Richard Dreyfuss, Anthony Geary (“Luke” in General Hospital!) Salman Rushdie.

    Would any of those types do? BTW, I once ran into Richard Dreyfuss in the wee hours as we went for the same cab. He bowed and gave it to me… cute… kind of short though…
    😀



  116.  #116Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    When you carry a Bi(ble…the devil gets a headache.

    When you open it…he collapses.

    When you read it…he faints.

    When you live it…he flees.



  117.  #117Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Coco Kisses,

    RE: #28 – In my dying friendship with Kenny, the way I handled it was stating my wants and don’t wants in a letter,so he knew specifically why I was distancing myself.

    Then I would talk to him on the phone pleasantly, as long as he remained pleasant. As soon as he starts getting on old, raw nerves, I would start to say, “That feels bad to hear. I don’t like being accused and blamed (or what-have-you)”. If he took the hint, fine, we kept talking, and if he didn’t, I hung up on him immediately, with no explanation, only because we had been over the same rough ground often enough that he would KNOW why.

    Like today.



  118.  #118Starla on March 19, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    healing waterfall, no i just applied to one in early January.

    I am taking chinese at the community college, and i completed my bachelor’s 3 years ago.



  119.  #119Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Also Let me just add that I do not have any issues regarding sex or my sexuality. What I do have a problem with is being seen as only good enough for sex and not the whole package and that is alo what triggered me when he mentioned getting some – there was no wooing or anything.ANd we have discussed this a few times and I have told him my feelings about it.



  120.  #120Starla on March 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I suppose I shall focus on all the good in my life, and not worry about the application for now:)



  121.  #121Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    GingerSky,

    RE: #72 – Thank you! Yes, I love nature! And I feel very happy where I am, even tho it is in the suburbs. It is a very small community, and I love how it is by the bay. The house itself is beautiful, and my neighbors and landlord are fantastic!



  122.  #122Hopeful on March 19, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Coco – I think you need to let go of need for the apology. The more you need it the less likely you are to get it, especially if he is that arrogant. It sounds like a battle of wills to me. Perhaps that is not the case, but I don’t think it will get you where you want to go.

    I think he is leaning forward and testing the waters with you. I like what Feminine Woman suggested that you say.



  123.  #123Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    GingerSky,

    RE: #78 – Sounds like a very healthy lifestyle! I find owning and upkeeping a car is about as expensive as having a home. For me, it is a higher priority than a home, because it can get me to a job.



  124.  #124Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    FW and LoveAlways,

    Thank you, that was sooo helpful! 😉



  125.  #125Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I feel that I made a stupid mistake.. a few actually. I keep on forgetting my stuff at his place. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I am usually pretty organized. Except for forgetting a phone once I did not forget anything important, so could easily do without, but still it’s Every Single Time!! Last night I forgot something again and he jokingly asked what I want him to do with it. Then he asked: didn’t you forget here something a while back? And I said: hmm nope:) And then he goes: umbrella, toothbrush? And he is right, I did forget all these things! I don’t know what to say.. feeling embarrassed, but I already said that when he reminded me about the last thing I forgot ;(



  126.  #126Mel on March 19, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Remember how a few weeks ago I got all triggered by being called a “friend” and we discussed things, etc. etc.??

    Well, this weekend, we were having breakfast with his parents and I was mentioning that I got a new job and I was feeling happy because I will get vacation and benefits.

    And his dad said “Oh… friends with benefits!” Mel’s stomach: “gurgle.”

    Mr. A responded: “That we most certainly are NOT!” smiled, put his arm around me, and planted a big kiss on my cheek.

    I felt very cherished and understood and important. I melted into his shoulder and said Mmmmm! 🙂

    Later on, he said “Did you notice when I said…” and I said “I sure did! That made me feel sooo smiley and cared for and understood.” He said: “I’m glad!”



  127.  #127Mel on March 19, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Starla,

    You are sooooo IN!



  128.  #128Mel on March 19, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Goodheart:

    I ♥ the universe box! What a fantastic and whimsical idea!!



  129.  #129Mel on March 19, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Siren Angel,

    I see your predicament. In some ways, the living closer situation IS beneficial for you, but at the same time, you may be making things too easy for him….

    I am in a similar train of thought at the moment. My lease comes up for renewal this summer. My place is okay but some things about it aren’t ideal. So I’ve been musing about getting a different place.

    And that got me to thinking: I wonder if I should move closer to Mr. A? I spend sooooo much time there, it would certainly be more convenient if I were closer. The commute feels a bit tiring at times. Because of the kid situation, him staying with me is not always feasible. It doesn’t feel too overfunction-y since when I’m there, I never have to lift a finger and am cooked for, pampered, etc. But it does feel tiresome to drive out so frequently.

    And I know we had talked about moving-in, but there was no time-frame, and I don’t want to assume it’s any time soon. And I love his neighborhood…. hmmm…..

    But then I was like: am I just making myself too accessible?

    I guess I should be sure that if Mr. A were not in the picture, that I’d still choose to live in the area. I think I might…. I will have to muse about this some more and see what feels best.



  130.  #130light heart on March 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    126 Mel
    oh my, that is SO sweet!
    WaY to go, Mr. A!
    And great positive feeling message, Mel!
    thanks for sharing

    🙂
    light heart



  131.  #131Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    I have a meeting with ATW at 5.30.

    We were chit-chatting by text message and he asked how I was doing. I said “I actually feel confused and forgotten”. He said “you shouldn’t. I’ll call you later”. I didn’t feel like talking on the phone. When we’re on the phone I am not able to say what I feel and send good messages. So I wrote “Actually I don’t really want to talk on the phone. I would feel better to talk face to face. I have a few minutes after work. What do you think?”

    So that’s it. I have to tell him something. I just can’t handle the situation anymore.

    I don’t know if I should end it officially or let him know what I won’t accept and that he can call me only if he is ready for this and that or what.

    I need your help sirens. I am feeling lost and clueless. What can I say to get the most productivity possible from this meeting?

    Thank you.



  132.  #132light heart on March 19, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Healing Waterfall,
    re: braco gazing
    see my post #83
    thanks for asking

    🙂
    light heart



  133.  #133Starla on March 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    i have much to be thankful for, that a missing acceptance letter will never shake:
    -a beautiful apartment with beautiful furniture i bought for myself.
    -a kitchen full of organic, whole foods
    -a view of the mountains every day on the train to work
    -my decently paying job that doesn’t suck
    -a very loving and selfless best friend
    -a very good and supportive man in my life
    -knowing there are other good and supportive men out there
    -amazing life experiences i’ve had in my 27 short years. i’ve done INCREDIBLE, BIG BIG things.



  134.  #134Healing Waterfall on March 19, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Hi Lizka,
    I feel like you already know what you want.
    From your posts, you want fri/sat nites if you are sleeping together?
    or at least one weekend night.
    and a weeknight.
    and you want to keep your options open, so you will continue to cd.
    love you
    liz



  135.  #135Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Starla,

    I read somewhere: uncertainty is a source for opportunity. I’m waiting anxiously for something myself, keep on telling myself to breath and live my life.



  136.  #136Healing Waterfall on March 19, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    well i have done two gazings today….
    all the urgency i have felt about getting laid has gone away……hmmm, i am not sure that is a good thing….lol

    but at least my vibe has shifted and i am more at peace and i feel safer.
    i feel clearer what i want and safer expressing it.



  137.  #137Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Maybe I shouldn’t reply at all? Or I can say:

    Yes, you are right.. maybe will make a travel check list next time!



  138.  #138Starla on March 19, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Thank you, Memulo:)



  139.  #139light heart on March 19, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    131. Lizka
    Hi !
    One thing that doesn’t feel good to me is
    being told that I shouldn’t feel something.

    Men sometimes say that if they are
    afraid of getting too deep into emotional intimacy
    territory, are uncomfortable and don’t know how to handle it. So they try to brush it off, or offer some kind of explanation that is more for them than for you.

    You might want to express to him that it doesnt
    feel good to hear that you shouldnt feel a certain way. Your feelings are
    never wrong….or right. They just are.

    If I were you I would get very clear on one or two
    points you would like to express your feelings on.

    Go point for point. Give a simple feeling message statement. And then wait and see what he says.

    Don’t get explainy or defensive or when challenged.

    I wouldn’t officially end it unless you are sure after much soul searching, that you don’t want this man in your life in any way shape or form.

    🙂
    light heart



  140.  #140Starla on March 19, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I’m living my life like Plan A has already come to fruition. I’m saving up like crazy for grad school so i will have a cushion in case i can’t make my bills some months. Don’t want to drop out of school because I had to work too much to afford life.

    Plan B is f*cking b*tches up.:D

    Jk, plan B is going abroad with all this dang money. hehe



  141.  #141Coco Kisses on March 19, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    RE: #122 Hopeful,

    After much reflection, perhaps a formal apology is too much to expect right now. I know that he is leaning forward, because he still cares, but when I speak wih him he still seems very unclear as to what he wants. He is not used to having to step up like this, or take responsibiliy for his actions, and since I did SOOOOOOOO much overfunctioning in our realtionship he’s trying to put the decision making in my court.

    I am going to use your feeling message suggestions, and really focus on making my own my own feeling messages. It is liberating to make feeling messages. It makes my heart feel open and free when I say what I feel…Thanks 🙂



  142.  #142Coco Kisses on March 19, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    @ GingerSky,

    I just want to really feel without any doubt that my husbadn loves me, and wants to create something beautiful with me. This is why I said I want him to declare his love.

    It’s almost funny, but since I haven’t been leaning forward and calling him, or anwsering his calls ALL the time, he seriously thinks I am screwing every Tom, DIck, and Harry, I can talk to. He kept making refrences like” I know your going out and doing things ( LMBO), I know your not saying anything to me. He is insecure, because we were in a sexless marriage situation, and I know he felt some guilt about not having sex with me. When he was still in the house with me, we didn’t speak about it often (being in a sexless marriage that is), but when we did he’d always say, man I’m Puerto Rican, I feel so bad about not providing sex…so now that he’s out of the house, and he thinks I’m having CRAZY SEX.



  143.  #143Daria on March 19, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    wow so after the wonderful time last nite todays convo felt awful and i just hung up the phone after saying i felt bad

    aww i feel so disappointed i felt like in heaven last nite



  144.  #144Goodheart on March 19, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Lizka, if you stay true to your feelings you can never go wrong.

    I would just simply state what it is that I am looking for in my life (leave him out of it). In other words, be the confident woman who knows what she wants, but isn’t trying to force any many to be it (because she knows the right man just will be, if she sticks to her boundaries).

    It’s about knowing what you want & deserve & never accepting less.



  145.  #145Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    It is ok for a siren to feel embarrassed and recognize a mistake, right?



  146.  #146Goodheart on March 19, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Any man, not any many (though that made me laugh :-))



  147.  #147Daria on March 19, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    i think i wont find one that makes me feel as validated as this one

    but the truth is it was all me and my opening up



  148.  #148Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Please sirens have a little thought about me in the next minutes. Im on my way to meeting witg ATW. Good vibeeeees!!



  149.  #149light heart on March 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    I like this:

    Well I have a quick little story to tell you.

    It’s a book my own mother got me at a young age, and I didn’t understand it at all the way I do today. In fact, I suspect that SHE didn’t understand its meaning.

    It’s called The Little Prince, by the French war hero and pilot, St. Exupery.

    Essentially it’s a story about the “wisdom” that children have in approaching the world with fresh eyes, and learning the value of patience and appreciation of life. Which is extra touching given that St. Exupery himself went down missing during WWII before he could go on with his destiny of being an ongoing writer of philosophy and romance.

    Yet one of the most poignant bits of the book describes the struggle the little boy has with the one, lone other living creature inhabiting the tiny planet on which he lives – a flower, a rose.

    It’s often speculated that St Exupery was wittingly or unwittingly referring to his own tumultuous marriage in the form of the flower as his real live wife.

    In it, the Little Prince has all kinds of arguments with this flower, this member of another species. She doesn’t appreciate him, they don’t understand each other, and after all, they are very different beings.

    And yet in his adventures down on the Earth, below, he discovers true loneliness in the desert, and longs for his one lone flower back on his planet, even though they are so very different and don’t understand each other…

    …reaching the conclusion that what makes the flower so valuable to him is not that it understands him, does things the way he does them, or even appreciates him as the perfect companion on his little world.

    It’s simply that the flower is HIS.

    THAT’S THE KIND OF MAN YOU WANT.

    His to care for, and his to try to learn the ways of. His to fight with, and disagree with and not see eye to eye.

    But unlike anything he sees on earth, that little flower on his planet is HIS.

    Which is a different take from “love the one you’re with.”

    It means that a man can’t be PASSIVE in his love life – it does fall on him to try to reach out to “the one you’re with” and try to learn about your quirks and nuances and habits, even if you aren’t quite the perfect personality style for him, or quite the supermodel he imagined as a teen.

    And if you are a guy who is just starting or rebooting his dating life, it does fall on you to do the work of LEARNING how to attract the kind of woman you want, to appeal to her but also to teach her what appeals to YOU.

    It’s a two-way street, yet not one in which perfect men must find perfect women.

    There’s no such thing.

    http://www.womenshappiness.com/articles/the-secret-stumbing-block-of-men-in-love?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=The+Secret+Stumbing+Block+About+Men+in+Love

    🙂
    light heart



  150.  #150Starla on March 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    memulo, leaving something behind isn’t a mistake. it’s an accident.



  151.  #151Goodheart on March 19, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    When my bf & I had been dating for close to a year, I remember this conversation we had. Somehow the subject of marriage came up (not by me). He said, “I never really wanted to get married.” I just nodded. Then he said, “But you have me thinking crazy things.” I just smiled. Then he said, “You told me you never want to get married again.” I said, “I did?” (I guess I did early on). He said, “Yes, you did, but I don’t believe you. I think you’re really saying, ‘Prove yourself, arsehole.”

    And I was. That’s exactly what I was saying, but not with words. It was with my confidence, knowing myself, & sticking to my boundaries. Smart, amazing man that he is, he understood that. And he has proven himself, even though I never ever asked him specifically to. He told me that he knew he had to be a certain kind of man to be with me & he set out to be that man.

    I told him recently that I felt differently about marriage now. He smiled & said,” So you changed your mind about it?” I said, “No, you changed my mind about it.” 🙂



  152.  #152Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Starla,

    I just found out my Mom has cancer in the liver and probably in her digestive system. I am going to visit her. You have probably read where I’ve said the cure/prevention for cancer is raw fruits and vegetables. She likes meat, so she continued to have meat.

    Love, Brenda



  153.  #153Starla on March 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    it sure would feel nice to have a No Proselytizing rule on the blog;)

    Separation of Church and Rori! LOL



  154.  #154Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Light Heart #149,

    This is the most amazing book, it’s really one of a kind, isn’t it? It’s a simple book about love 😉



  155.  #155FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Jilly, I just checked out your website and it is beautiful! 🙂 I just signed up and I’m going now to check out your e-book.



  156.  #156Starla on March 19, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Also, thank you sooo much for caring, Brenda:)



  157.  #157Rori Raye on March 19, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Starla – yes – I’m just catching this now – thank you to those who wrote me privately also (I miss much, so sorry, and depend on you all to keep me current). I will be monitoring words pertaining to specific religions, and ask you all so gently and with great care to stay in the realm of the spiritual if you like, but OUT of the realm of the religious. Love, Rori



  158.  #158Rori Raye on March 19, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Separation of Church and Rori is exactly right….thank you for putting it this way! Love, Rori



  159.  #159Ashley on March 19, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    This is my first posting on the website…I have been getting Rori’s emails. I am torn between two men. One, who is younger than me and still lives with his parents. The other is an old boyfriend with whom I had a very rocky relationship. My current boyfriend is the younger man. I am 30 and he is almost 26. He has never lived on his own and this is his first relationship. He is basically enmeshed with his parents and codependent on them, which has led his parents to dislike me and disown me because I am “pulling their little boy away.” He has broken up with me several times but a week later we get together and “talk” and work things out. He has to hide the fact that he’s seeing me from his parents, but he is reading a lot of self-help books, going for counseling, and going to church to try to improve himself and his situation. I am a single mom and want a family, but that is something he is nowhere near ready for…it could be years before he thinks marriage and more kids. Now the second man, the ex-boyfriend, is 35. He lives on his own and has a good job. He makes good money. We had a rocky relationship for about a year and a half. We were separated a few times, and during one of those times he got another girl pregnant and now has a son with her. He claims that he has always only loved me and knows I am the one for him. He has also changed a lot, is willing to go through counseling, and has gotten his life on track after making a slew of bad decisions and being unemployed. I know if we got back together he would take care of me and support me. He would love me and cherish me the way I want my current boyfriend to. I’m just not sure I could ever get past the fact that he had a baby with a girl that he slept with while we were separated. Do I stay with the younger boyfriend who has never even mentioned the idea of helping me financially and has no intentions of having a “family” anytime soon…or do I go back to the ex who would “take care of me” but has the issue of the son with another woman and the rocky past that I had with him?



  160.  #160Mel on March 19, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    I am a funny little feeling-y type creature…

    If Mr A asked me over tonight, I was going to decline, because I have stuff to do tonight (not exciting, but stuff nonetheless). But he didn’t ask… and now I feel all sad. Um… Mel, you weren’t going to go anyways! Yeah… but I still wanted to be asked! Silly Mel…



  161.  #161Jessie1000 on March 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    I remember so sadly how my dependancy on anyone when i was young ended in disaster. This blog today for some reason reminded me of the terrific horribleness that I have felt for ever needing anyone…so many disappointments. So many unhearing ears…my mother who abandoned me, my big sister who I loved and unfortunately for me got married lol and I needed her and she had kids and couldnt visit me cause she was 20 when I was only 8….I remember being pregnant and my kids father telling me that this was my problem now since he had bars to go to and girls to see and I feel so weary thinking of the past and the way that my horrible attempts lol trying desperately to ask for help and not getting it.
    I feel so weary from letting anyone close to me, I feel scared of relationships…esp. the GOOD ones lol, the tight close ones where they know me and know my every thought, the hot days in the summer when all are out sunning, and laughing, and you come home and you cook and you bbq and you have your friends over, and your man wants to sit by you and tell you things and always I feel that my COVER is going to get blown and people will see inside me and see my heart and see my baggage and run run run….lol
    It makes me shake all over, so I keep my cover, independant, miss independant, miss self sufficient, miss hard worker, miss accomplishment, miss im a single mother and i dont need anyone and i remember what it was like to be the old me, the innocent one, the vulnerable one, the one who ached and cried and she disappeared somewhere….in the midst of all my business of being accomplished and being indestructible cause sometimes i feel like my life was like a piece of paper…all you get is one single piece of paper and my parents wrote on it and my sisters and brothers marked it and my babies stained it and soon the paper tore and ripped until there was only a little corner left and that corner i guard with my life….that is the little bit of me that has some hope, the little tiny piece that is left of the innocent little one that was born and believed that I would live happily ever after and it is so small and fragile and flammable that I cant bear to let anyone see it, or touch it, or even view it cause they might be able to damage it and then nothing will be left

    I have had a life of unease. It makes me who I am. It makes me see the tender hearted and love the weak and the children that live near me, it makes me protect and nurture everyone …as if all people who have found me are looking for umbrellas from the rain and Im the one who can cover them….I know it

    I own my life but when im asked to let anyone around me close close close, i wonder if there is a way to do that now without feeling like Im about to fall off a cliff cause that is what Rori’s tools have shown me….not that I cant have relationships…..many of them, close to me if I want them….it makes me remember dependancy and fear and my past, and my mother…when im nurtured by a man, I remember my mother…I remember the betrayals, I remember the hurt, I remember the sadness and Lately I have had to avoid it because I guess its going to be a long road for me…..



  162.  #162Starla on March 19, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    (((((((((((jessie)))))))))))))



  163.  #163Daria on March 19, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    i made him wrong a bit – i said a lot at once and also said “my dad doesnt do that” and

    still the way the convo went it felt not good from his side

    mmmm

    ((((((Daria))))))

    now i know though that i can have what i want and even more what men can offer (a car for me to drive, to come by and bring me food and money (his suggestion of what HE likes to do for the woman he dates) nice

    AND…

    now i feel validated and safe and grown with my requirements!

    even tho the one that a man does what he says and calls when he says he will is what felt bad here

    and also… i feel excited now!!! weeeeeeee smily daria

    the better men are coming in i know it!

    this one was a halbringer

    oh yeah and i want to minimize my heartbreak…

    i will really do short first meetings from now on

    like lunch dates

    ive been smokin with these guys and chillin for like a few hours and having deep convos and getting attached

    and it feels great and it also feels bad when i feel a pain in my chest after attachment

    awww but if i no longer am available to smoke with new men… that might cut down on my fun smoking

    no not necessarily daria, you just think that

    if anything you might have MORE fun smoking with NOT new men you dont have to worry about!

    yeah!!!!

    ok

    so from now on, short first dates

    not 5 hour first dates in the car

    i can do it!

    it feels scary, i feel shaky

    and i trust myself

    i want to experiment with this



  164.  #164LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Lizka

    don’t think honey . . . feel . . . speak your truth . . . don’t make his wrong . . . hold your boundaries

    What do you feel about YOU right now?



  165.  #165Daria on March 19, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    AND i feel moved on from the men i was obsessing about before!

    wooooh

    this guy raised the bar …

    then dropped the ball…

    and i am ok

    on my bridge

    feeling a lil grief

    mmmm

    grief at changing the old ways of being

    yum me



  166.  #166LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    (((((((((((((Brenda)))))))))))))))))



  167.  #167LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    (((((((((((Daria))))))))))))



  168.  #168Starla on March 19, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Daria, I don’t smoke with my dates until a month or two into dating them. But they actually GIVE me smoke, to keep for myself.



  169.  #169FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Starla…I believe in my heart that Brenda sincerely means well in her ‘suggestions.’ She is sharing what it is that’s keeping her on her path to healing. We all have different belief systems, I know.

    My bad dreams are about things I haven’t worked out yet inside. If I really think about it, honestly, I can usually figure out why certain people/situations were in the dream and from there I can find what it’s trying to tell me—like what I’m afraid of that I’m too scared to actually *think* about—so it comes out in my dream.

    Just my two cents…. 😉



  170.  #170LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    (((((Jesse))))))

    Going through this thought process will strengthen you because you are in a different place emotionally now 🙂



  171.  #171Starla on March 19, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Aw I feel so blessed and special thinking of all the guys who brought me mj like it was flowers (which it technically is)…what a nice gift:)

    CF quit so he can find a higher paying job. He works in aviation so drug tests are extremely common, but he was basically the one who kept me with smoke. <3 it! And other CDs along the way used to bring me smoke, and not expect me to share it with the in any way.



  172.  #172LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Goodheart

    #151

    It felt so lovely to read about your marriage conversation!!! Thanks for sharing!



  173.  #173Starla on March 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Ack, sorry if I offend anyone or Rori by talking about Smoke. It is safer than alcohol, and I won’t even date drinkers anymore.



  174.  #174Daria on March 19, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    what works for me: feeling messages and dont want vigilantly

    NOT teasing, impressing, teaching, me toos, cool voices, comparisons

    surrendering

    i love me 🙂



  175.  #175Lady Vibe Blog on March 19, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Sitting on my fingers… tee hee 😆



  176.  #176Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Oops put in the wrong username. Now in moderation. Dinky post too… now the numbers will be messed up again….

    174: Lady Vibe Blog says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    Sitting on my fingers… tee hee

    Monday, 19 March 2012 @ 3:41pm



  177.  #177Daria on March 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Starla – yeah my dates give me smoke too! Transformer man started doing it pre Rori!

    i feel surprised u dont smoke with them!

    i alwasy feel curious how a date will treat me when im feeling high and more sensitive and vulnerable and possibly spaced out

    now that i think about it, it usually doesnt work well for me to do taht with my dates right away

    sometimes it does wrok ok, but i can think of more than a few dates where i felt awkward and the communication felt impaired

    and yet… i dotn want to find out i would feel this way with a guy LATER… hmmm

    mmm i love having new cds come bring me smoke

    and i will love having old cds bringing me even more smoke and more regularly

    i feel all shaky around this!

    like im giving up my fave thing – meetin people an smokin!

    ive done this ever since i dono when

    its one of my fave things!

    (((((Daria))))))

    i dont want to not feel that fun connected new person smoking feeling!

    (((((Daria)))))

    what if i experiment to see how i feel with not doig it right away in the context of dating

    ((((((Daria))))))



  178.  #178Daria on March 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Thanks for the hugs Love Always



  179.  #179LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Lightheart
    # 149

    That was a beautiful point and sweet story!



  180.  #180Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    I think I messed up that post because I just signed up to new online dating site. And copy-pasted wrong line. Oops.
    😳

    @Silver Moonbeam

    It’s ourtime dot com for over 50 dating. I think it’s part of the Match dot com community; I didn’t take time to read the particulars… Guess I should have.

    Maybe there will be something for you. I just signed up to take a look. I have no profile page. I hid the details (or non-details in this case) and hope I don’t start getting emails. I… don’t…want…emails. And I would rather hide the whole darn thing.

    SLV
    xoxo



  181.  #181Daria on March 19, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    what works for me: acknowledging ALL compliments

    and hugs

    on blog i used to feel blank aobut it. now i actually felt loved getting a hug from love always and received it

    yay melting walls



  182.  #182Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    (((((Brenda)))))



  183.  #183Starla on March 19, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    i feel self conscious when i smoke with new people. and i start overfunctioning by talking and doing a lot.



  184.  #184Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Daria,

    me toos=mirroring, no? If he says ‘I miss you’ the response ‘that feels good to hear’ is better than ‘me too’ in your opinion? Me too comes so natural and it’s simple and unpretentious?



  185.  #185LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Daria

    I love your riffing style, it’s not easy to do (i’ve tried 🙂 )!



  186.  #186Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    New chapters.



  187.  #187Starla on March 19, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Flowerchild, ohhh i so feel it that brenda just cares about my happiness:)

    i’m not sure what to do about the dreams. i’m gonna start doing the gratitude journaling before bed. i have serious anxiety from being on my own at an early age.

    also, a lot of bad stuff happened around sleep with me
    1. i think my mother cut me while i was sleeping a couple of times
    2. one guy started touching my “privates” while i was sleeping when i was 18, and it felt horrible when i woke up to it.
    3. one guy tried to rape me while i was sleeping
    4. i used to sleep in strange beds when i was homeless
    5. i had a landlord that would come on to me sexually and enter my apartment at odd hours. I ended up moving out in the middle of the night. creepy.

    Actually the list could go on from there.

    i don’t feel very safe in my sleep.

    in my newest apartment, i feel a lot safer. the landlords are women and my privacy is respected.



  188.  #188Jessie1000 on March 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Love Always…ur sweet. Im always in my freakin head….lol and I like writing on the blog cause believe it or not I always read every word, Rori’s words, all the comments but I never comment or speak. I do the same on Facebook…I rarely put anything up and it is usually random and hides my real inner monologue away…lol
    Ive read RORI for almost two straight years and barely wrote anything…lol
    I guess thats the same way I inhabit space, Im there, listening but not necessarily interacting….my men tend to be very outgoing, doing things, and I shy from most things….(lol im a very safe date cause Im shy and dont get close to very many people so I dont make boys who date me jealous..not on purpose cause thats my style…lol)
    I prefer to hide away.
    I prefer to not make noise
    I prefer to hide my intelligence cause its usually alarming…except in my phd where people pay you to be smart but on the street…lol people think im a very boring housewife and lots …i mean lots of people argue with me and tell me theres no way that I could be a phd…lol
    I prefer to be near people but stay quiet.
    I like the gym because there are lots of pretty faces but no one expects u to talk
    I like books because they speak to me but I dont have to speak back.
    I once went an entire week without eating or speaking…lol when I was like 17 to see if anyone noticed…god it was hard…and no one did. I spent an 8 hr. shift at the gas station I worked at and not one person noticed….lol (I pumped gas and I just put my hand out for the money and smiled)
    and you know what i discovered?
    People like me alot.
    Wierd eh?
    I dont cause waves.
    I dont disagree….i just listen.
    I smile alot and people always smile back.
    Getting out of that head space is hard
    Getting out of my head is hard
    Getting out of old habits is hard
    Maybe people wont like me?



  189.  #189LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Daria and Starla

    I normally don’t jump in, but I want to say please be careful. Timing is not the issue, the person is. I used to do that on dates and ended up in very bad situation, and just to show how much I care (it triggers me just to think about it) I want to share so you understand.

    long story short, many years ago, hanging out with a guy, partying after work (I lived with CDdj at the time), celebrating this guy’s birthday. He rented a limo, but turns out only the two of us rode in the limo. Anyways, we go to a beach bar and continue partying. Having a great time, or so I thought, back in the limo, on the way home, he offers some smoke. Next thing I remember he is carrying me to my doorstep, handing me over to CDdj, who carries me to the shower and commences to nurse me back to reality. CDdj asked if I slept with the guy and I said no way!!! I was not attracted to him, but just friends. CDdj said my clothes were not correct and it looked like I didn’t dress myself. I’ll never know the truth, he had slipped something on me . . . That is two hours of my life LOST of which I haven’t a clue. I’m blessed to have out of that with only shame and nothing more serious. So I don’t say this to you lightly – please be safe – much luv

    LoveAlways



  190.  #190Starla on March 19, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    “me too” = deflecting;)



  191.  #191Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Starla, not getting it?



  192.  #192LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Jesse

    As long as you embrace your feelings and speak your truth, your style and approach is a very honest way to hold your boundaries 🙂



  193.  #193Starla on March 19, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    LoveAlways, thank you for your concern:):). It feels so sweet to have someone looking out for us. And I feel mortified that you went out and got DRUNK with a date. That is the dangerous part. And then mixing THC with alcohol will erase your mind and make you ill a lot of the time.



  194.  #194Daria on March 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Coco Kisses – i feel honored to see my name in the sirens being asked for advice

    here we go:

    youre doign great! you think that leaning back “makes him, feel like bailing out completely.” because he;s bringing up divorce.

    Actually I think he’s feeling VERY ATTRACTED and is WORRIED about YOU wanting to divorce. He’s actually – look what he says – concerned that he’s not able to reach you as much as he wants… and he’s continuting to try more and more

    The tools are working!

    ok now on what to practice next. You’re doing AMAZING with the lean back… now you want to open up your heart. Practice opening it up in your body, leanign back in Rori Raye dance stance, open palms out… unzipper heart

    do this on your own in the mirror and with everyone you meet for practice

    then do it when he calls!!

    so that when he DOES call you , you are ready for… FEELING MESSAGES

    Him: it must be my lucky day

    Heart: *laugh* that feels kinda funny and good to hear… i feel special

    (or if heart is actually kinda shut down and upset and hears it as a cricticism and feels bad)

    Heart: mmm.. that feels kinda bad

    Man: RESPONDS IN A NEW WAY TO TOTALLY NEW COMMUNICATION!!!!

    so when he says he can’t reach you
    some scripts

    use the “i am the air you need to breathe” in your head… and use doggy treat voice for him

    “oh i feel good to be pursued this way, it makes me feel kidna sexy”

    him yeah but i cant get a holda you you must be busy and happy with your new life maybe we should get a divorce

    “whoa that feels bad to hear… i feel kinda disappointed… ”

    him: why

    “well i feel better to reconcile and have a good relationship”

    him: ….

    With feeling messages and open heart – the convo gets DEEP. INTIMATE. FAST.

    it feels scary and its really real.

    keeping the heart closed keeps men distant and the relationship superficial… and you don’t want that… you may feel cool calm and collected, and PROTECTED SAFE NEUTRAL LIKE IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN… and you’ll get the results you always did…

    practice some scripting on here

    “i dont want to divorce. it would feel good to be together again.”

    “i dont want… {boundaries.} itd feel good to be close again. what do you think?”

    shoot out some explicit dont wants on blog to negotiate and I and other sirens can help you tweak specific scripts!



  195.  #195LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Starla

    Anytime my dear. Also, I don’t believe there was not much alcohol to be mixed that night (I didn’t want to be drunk around this guy or his friends -it was a business networking situation, so I was nursing my drinks and dancing and socializing most of the night) – it was that the smoke was laced. And I was in no way an amateur, it was a regular thing for me back then. He and I had smoked before. The horror was that he purposely did that to me.



  196.  #196FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    (((Starla))) I really understand. I have one recurring dream from early childhood that only comes around when I am under intense stress. I wake up shaking, in a cold sweat and terrified. I’m screaming (in my dream) as LOUDLY and forcefully as I can—-and nothing comes out…no one hears me…and no one ever comes. It’s frightening even as an adult.

    Do you meditate at all? I have some (binaural beat) meditations and the ones for deep rest make me sleep like a baby (and I seldom remember my dreams.) You can try them for free to see if you think you’d like it.

    I’ve been using them all throughout the day (different frequencies, of course) for about 3 months now. I think mine are from MindValley (SuperMind) but there are lots of others.

    Even if I’m in a crummy mood or I get worried about something, if I take a ‘time out’ and meditate—for even just 15 minutes—it changes my mood and gets be back on track. I have them on my phone so they’re always with me. 😉



  197.  #197Starla on March 19, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    oh my goodness, i’m so sorry that happened to you! and he didn’t smoke any with you? shady!



  198.  #198Daria on March 19, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Starla – that sleep stuff i feel all concerned and sad reading about.

    if that were me i would do EFT just tapping along saying what comes to mind describing the past situation

    EFT works really powerfully taht way and I can feel a different perspective and body feeling after just 1 round

    another energy mover ive used at other times is imaginging/thnkng aobut the past issue and riffing body feelings with love… i feel … i love THAT feeling…



  199.  #199Daria on March 19, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    (((((LoveAlways))))) that feels sad and scary



  200.  #200Starla on March 19, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    I would feel very interested in trying those meditations, FC:)



  201.  #201Sandy on March 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Dear Rori:

    Some of this dating advice is simply just confusing to me! I’ve read articles telling women that we shouldn’t share our feelings with men and then I read another article (yours), that is encouraging us to share our feelings with men. Honestly, I’m tired of not being able to express my feelings without being judged or scrutinized. I’m at a point where I’ve decided that I’m going to put my feelings out there and if the man doesn’t like it, he can choose to move on.



  202.  #202LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Starla, one for him and one for me . . . mad shady!!!! IWOOOOOOOOOO, it feels relieving to share that I never ever shared that story before – not even with my very best friends!!! wow



  203.  #203FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    (((Starla)))…sorry to go on and on without even saying that I’m sorry you’ve had so many bad associations with sleep starting at such a young age.

    I hope expressing yourself in your new apartment (loving where you live!) and being in a safer environment helps to heal this for you. Crawling in bed at night should be a warm, cozy, safe feeling <3

    I second Daria in that we'd like to see some pics of your new desk! 😉



  204.  #204Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    So ATW and I had a long almost 2 hours discussion.

    I don’t know why but it seema like he’s not ready to guarantie that he can step up.

    The conclusion of the discussion was that we keep dating but no sex. If he steps up enough for me, we might have sex again in the future. If he doesn’t enough for me, I might dissapear and open the door more to other men. I made it clear. I think he understood.

    So that’s it. The boundary is set. Now all I have to do is be a total siren and hold to this boundary and lean back. We’ll see
    What happen.

    I trust myself and I trust Strongly believe that if I stick to this plan, I will have what I want. I also trusy him, I believe that he understood what we agreed on and that he will step up.

    Ok that’s it. I have to focus on me now.



  205.  #205Starla on March 19, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    aw i am glad you feel relieved. what happened to you isn’t fair or right. ::::hugs:::::::



  206.  #206Daria on March 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Memulo – yeah, we don’t want to mirror (all the time)

    mirroring for me is only for the first hello

    i mirror if he says hello, hi, or hey, or how he asks for my name – thats it

    otherwise im bouncing it back and giving it him just as much as he gave me… NOT receiving

    “that feels so good to hear” feels MUCH richer of an experience for me with men.

    Another me too thing that i felt SO glad i held back on last nite was the ol’ ” i love pizza” me too!!

    instead, i held it back a few times… and tho i felt tightened up holding it for a few seconds… the experience morphed as i continued to listen to him instead… and it acutally did NOT seem important anymore to talk about me also likeing pizza, there so much time in the world for that! instead listeing to him felt so much richer and i learned new things and i FELT connected!

    which is what the me too wouldve shortcutted some. it feels comfortable and fun… and also kinda keeps the connection on a “personality/likes” leve rather than the deeper heart connection emotional level

    .

    PS – when a man says he misses me, i usually CHECK IN with myself if i miss him too, i can always say

    him: “i miss you”

    me : “aww that feels good”

    him: yeah baby (or something)

    me: “i miss you too…” (said slowly with pause before)

    or even with a PAUSE

    him” i miss you

    me: oh… pause.. that feels good to hear … smile… i miss u too

    BUT HONESTLY, for both me and him!, it feels so much more connection for me to actually ENJOY hearing him say that he misses me… and to communicate my feelings at receiving THAT… “ohhh that feeels so good”

    than to say the cursory miss u too



  207.  #207Starla on March 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    FC, that’s quite alright, it’s implied in your caring for me that you are sorry for me:)



  208.  #208LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Starla & Daria
    Thank you sirens 🙂 Loving the hugs 🙂

    It used to haunt me but I’ve grown, and I can actual speak my truth now



  209.  #209Daria on March 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    I’m feeling triggered – 🙁 I had a similar experience, Love Always, with tequila

    i dont know if he laced it tho, it may just have been me being drunker than i ever had before???

    i feel uncomfortable thnking about it right now im all hodling inside and eyebrows are raised



  210.  #210lilybelle on March 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Ginormous Hugs, LoveAlways….Ginormous Hugs.



  211.  #211Starla on March 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    i’ll upload pics when i get the final touches on the desk:)



  212.  #212LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Lizka!!!

    Good for you girl!!!



  213.  #213LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Lilybelle

    Thank you – I’m totally loving these siren hugs!!! Makes me feel safe 🙂



  214.  #214Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    I need help!!! Is FW on right now?



  215.  #215LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Daria

    I apologize for triggering you, but I never ever want any man to do that you, Starla or any other siren, so I just had to go there ((((((HUGS))))))) Didn’t want to trigger you though



  216.  #216LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Tequila can be potent naturally. Don’t even want to think of anyone doing that to you honey.



  217.  #217Mochaberri on March 19, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Oh here it goes KR called me just a few minutes ago while I was on my way home from happy hour with a few friends. I will admit that I looked at the phone before answering debating whether to answer or not.

    I did answer and was very warm and cheery and we chatted about my whereabouts (of course because he always wants to know what I’m doing and where I’m at)

    I did lean forward yesterday after his call on Saturday and called him Sunday asking if his offer was still n the table. I know before you say it…I played into his game. Anyway, he is calling and wants to take me to pick up my dry cleaning. He mentioned a drink special that we used to take part in a while back.

    What should I do???



  218.  #218FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Starla… if you look up binaural beats and you’ll find lots of free samples. Also on youtube…you need to use stereo headphones/earbuds.)

    For a long time (couple years) I got along with the free samples, etc. I did purchase one set (Awakening/Focus/Spark/Balance/Deep Rest) from Omharmonics last year and I love it.

    I wish I could remember who had the classical music—One is Schumann Resonance (wwwdotmindpowermp3dotcom—-I think.)



  219.  #219LoveAlways on March 19, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Jessie

    # 186

    “I prefer to hide my intelligence cause its usually alarming.”

    I do this too in a way (I have a jd). I don’t tell people what I do for a living, especially men. I want them to know me, like me and want me as woman, not by my career.

    I’m curious do you share your education level with your CD up front?



  220.  #220Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    I would go if I had nothing else planned Mocha. It might be his efforts at rebuilding.



  221.  #221Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Now I have to commit. I have to commit TO MYSELF. I have to commit that starting today, with the spring, starting March 19th, I am gonna act only Rori’s way. I am goi g to be a real siren. Never lean forward. Hold my boundary very hard. Not let it down. And if he doesn’t do what I need him to do, I’m gonna walm away. I have to commit to keep circular dating also but this is not a problem. I am a strog woman, I can commit to be a siren, I can promise myself to be independant and do things for me.

    I understand that this could be long. I am not expecting a change tomorrow or the day after. This can take a few weeks.

    I believe with all my soul and body that if I stick to this plan, he will come back and love me forever.

    But I have to start RIGHT NOW, 7.50 normal eastern time, March 19th.

    That’s it. I am a siren now and forever.



  222.  #222Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Now I have to commit. I have to commit TO MYSELF. I have to commit that starting today, with the spring, starting March 19th, I am gonna act only Rori’s way. I am goi g to be a real siren. Never lean forward. Hold my boundary very hard. Not let it down. And if he doesn’t do what I need him to do, I’m gonna walm away. I have to commit to keep circular dating also but this is not a problem. I am a strog woman, I can commit to be a siren, I can promise myself to be independant and do things for me.

    I understand that this could be long. I am not expecting a change tomorrow or the day after. This can take a few weeks.

    I believe with all my soul and body that if I stick to this plan, he will come back and love me forever.

    But I have to start RIGHT NOW, 7.50 normal eastern time, March 19th.

    That’s it. I am a siren now and forever.



  223.  #223Coco Kisses on March 19, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    RE: 192

    @ (((((((((DARIA)))))))))))

    Thank you so much, you and all the other Sirens. I feel as though I can ge a break through to him, since I would like to feel close to my husband again, and reconcile with him.

    Here is a script with “FEELING MESSAGES”

    My Husband: Hey Coco, how are you, I’m surprised that you picked up the phone.

    Me: Yeah it’s your lucky day (lol), but really it feels really good to hear your voice.

    Him: Oh, I can’t tell since you’ve been ignoring all my previous calls, why does it feel good all of a sudden?

    Me: Well I’ve been doing things that make my heart feel good, and so my heart just feels lighter. Hearing your voice makes me feel warm, and brings back good memories and feelings.

    Him: Really, well that’s good to know, because I was thinking that maybe it would be better for us to get a divorce since you been ignoring me and enjoying your new life.

    Me: Well getting a divorce would feel very sad, and feel devastating.
    Him: Really Why?

    Me: Because I feel there’s a better way.

    Him: Well I don’t know we’ve been having so many problems, and I still don’t know why we were having sexual problems and I wasn’t attracted to you. I just don’t know what to do, and I still don’t have an anwser to our problems. I feel that just by coming home won’t solve anything.

    Me: It feels to me that you still have some soul searching to do. In my heart I feel like what I want is a relationship with a man who truly loves me, trusts, me, honors, me, and respects me. That would feel so beautiful, and make my heart feel full of joy. I want a man who tells me he loves me with passion and is excited to be around me, that would feel really good, and warm. I don’t want a telephone relationship, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel that right now you may not be able to give me those things, but I am open to whatever you are thinking or whould like to do right now. Until then, I am totally concentrating on creating pure beuy, peace, and happiness for myself. Listen I’ve got to go, I have an appointment that I’m late for. I will talk to you later.

    So how is this script Sirens?? Feedback is appreciated from EVERYONE



  224.  #224Femininewoman on March 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Going to Zumba



  225.  #225LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    221:

    Woohoo ZUMBA! Go FW!
    I looove Zumba! It feels so exhilirating (don’t know how to spell this).
    I lost 4 pounds since I started Zumba.

    Ella, I’ve turned into a Zumba fanatic!



  226.  #226Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    LOA

    So i decided that i like the color peach and that i also wanted 2 wear more silky, lacy lingerie pieces. Well I just went TJ Maxx and found a peach silk and black lace lingerie set and it is just lovely!!! i love it so muchhhhhhhh



  227.  #227FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Lizka…we’re here for you. 🙂



  228.  #228FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    Emoticon…yay for new sexy underwear!! 😉



  229.  #229FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Hey Brenda…how are you doing tonight? 🙂



  230.  #230Coco Kisses on March 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    I LOVE ZUMBA & Pole dancing, matter of fact, that’s what I want is a pole put up in my room, so I can practice at home.



  231.  #231Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Thank you FC. Thank you to everyone who supported me today. I feel way more powerful now. Woaaaaaah!!



  232.  #232light heart on March 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    151 Goodheart

    Oh, that was really fun to read!

    i became conscious of the thought, “that’s the way i’ve always heard it should be”

    and then this song….

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jY9tkhEdjfc

    “…..you want to marry me….we’ll marry….”

    🙂
    light heart



  233.  #233Daria on March 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    omg! i feel excited! i just had a CD tell me he doesnt think its worht it to come see me (long drive, and also he’s concerned about me seeing other guys)

    and i said i dont feel good to be asked what im doing with my time outside of our time together, i like my privacy

    i did feel offbalance and a lil tense communicating

    and im like what idd he think

    and hes lik i think its not worht it sounding all lost and sad

    andthen im like

    oh wow … well … that feels terrible

    and hes like yeah…

    and then i was gonna say some stuff like ok goodbye take care or some other ish

    and instead i just hung up without saying anything!

    and omg i feel so GOOD

    i dont even feel bad! really

    just still tense in my buttocks from feeling a lil mad earlier in the convo and i stuffed a bit at taht time

    i feel SO EXCITED TO NOT FEEL BAD!!!!

    yay me



  234.  #234light heart on March 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    I’m proud of myself for holding to a boundary I have of not getting involved with any man who is separated, but not divorced. It’s just too murky.
    This one seems really nice and really wanted to get going, even took his profile off the site “out of respect for me”, but still has the wife who is attempting to re-establish a relationship with her ex-husband living there and he says she is ill.
    Thank you, but no thank you. I said, goodbye, call me when the ink on the divorce papers is dry and she has moved out and we’ll see.

    🙂
    light heart



  235.  #235Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Thank you Daria, I will see how I feel about replacing ‘I miss you too’ with a receiving message. Somehow i feel like fighting it, feels uncomfortable?

    Also I am wondering – I sent him ‘Yes you are right.. maybe need to do a checklist and stop forgetting things’ text and got an immediate ‘No it’s cute’ message back. Was thinking to say ‘perhaps you need me to forget a basket now to keep my lost&found stuff’ but felt scared as if I was hinting to ‘the future’. Also the first message felt ‘honest’ to me since I did get upset? But kind of boring ;(



  236.  #236Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Ok now the boudary is set. I have to hold it now. This is gonna be the challenge of my life I think. Ah it feels scary.



  237.  #237Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Ok now the boudary is set. I have to hold it now. This is gonna be the challenge of my life I think. Ah it feels scary.



  238.  #238Daria on March 19, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    Love Always – awww it feels uncomfortable to have u apologize to me about getting triggered… thank you… i want to heal around my story



  239.  #239blue rose on March 19, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    i’m worried i’ve messed up again. i mean, i know that if it’s the right guy i can’t really mess up.

    the guy i’m crazy about started moving towards me, so to speak. he was replying quickly to texts and emails. at least faster than he was before. then i freaked out.

    he wrote an adorable sweet comforting text to me on tuesday. i couldn’t bring myself to write back. i just couldn’t. i think of him every day, but just couldn’t write back. then on saturday i went out for st patrick’s day and kissed a couple of guys. will never see them again – they were out of town.

    i wrote to him sunday morning. haven’t heard back since.

    🙁

    leaning back and trying to shift the focus to me. it’s hard. i’m worried i ignored him for too long.

    any thought are welcome as always. thanks sirens.



  240.  #240Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Daria,

    Yes, you can’t invest much of yourself (feeling bad) into any guy who you will forget in an hour.. because he didn’t make you feel good.



  241.  #241Daria on March 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Memulo – i would write awww 🙂 thank you…
    or else 🙂

    or awww… that feels good

    or aww.. i feel good reading that

    or aww…that feels reassuring thank you 🙂



  242.  #242Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Focus on me: making my lunch for tomorrow and going to bed early. I forgot my book at work. This feels sad I won’t get to read before bed. 🙁



  243.  #243Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Daria,

    I left it not answered 😉



  244.  #244Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Cold turkeyyyyy 🙂



  245.  #245Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Lizka,

    it may feel different but it’s not worse: you got to express yourself, you did it in person and once he contacted you. Siren 101 😉



  246.  #246LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    219:

    Sunshine is back out from Lizka!!! 🙂

    Do it for you though, not for him.

    I’ve been all about ME these last 2 months…nothing about getting him back…and it’s gotten to the point that he offered to go see a psychologist/therapist.

    He said he doesn’t like where his actions have led him, and he feels ashamed.
    He can’t eat and he can’t sleep.
    He said he would like to see a therapist to help him figure out why he did such a stupid thing.
    He asked me if that would help get me back.

    I said to him “Like I said before, I cannot feel trusting towards a man who acts on impulse by sleeping with another woman, and persisting in being dishonest. I’ve been through it 4x, and that was the last time.”

    Him “Maybe a therapist could help me develop my communication skills so I would know how to work things out instead of taking the exit door like I did. Would that help you trust me again?”

    Me: “Well, it would definitely help. But I don’t feel confident in promising anything right now. Therapy did make me feel so good, and I wish the same for you.”

    Him “I’ll do anything it takes to get you back. I want a life with you. I was thinking of selling my motorcycle so I could cut down on work and spend more time at home with you. I don’t want this stressful hectic life anymore. I want to settle down, and I want it to be with you. I’ll do what it takes. I won’t go on vacation without you anymore, I will never go out without you anymore.”

    Me “Whow, I would feel bad to have you locked up in a cage. But I do like the no vacation without me 🙂
    I would feel better talking to you after you’ve seen a therapist for at least 10 sessions. I am doing everything to align myself w my life goal. It would feel awesome to be with a man who is aligned w his life goal.”

    Him “Done, I’m calling.”

    He asked if I had anyone else.
    I said I was window shopping and was in communication with some potentials.
    I also said that no man will have me exclusively for a while.

    Don’t worry sirens, I ain’t countin the chicks until the eggs have hatched.
    Translation: I’m am not settling for ANY man until I have absolutely everything on the table…EVERYTHING, and not just promises, the done deal.
    Right now, he’s figuring out the ingredients to the recipe. We’ll see if he puts the roast in the oven, if he simmers it and if he cooks it well done.



  247.  #247Daria on March 19, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    omg im feelin SOOO full of myself right now

    last nite i felt so loved and honored and YUM and i really feel reassured there are men out there who will give me what i require and even MORE! yum

    and even tho it felt icky this morning – im now thinking he was alreayd in a weird mood asking me what im doing cuz i didnt pick up the phone –

    i feel ENCOURAGED and SPLEDORIFIC about ME



  248.  #248FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Sirens…This is embarrassing…I need a FM for tomorrow. Without going into detail I’m feeling unimportant and taken for granted and I want to say, “It feels bad to always come/be last.”

    I don’t want to blame or make him wrong—-but it is he who always reschedules and reschedules and puts off and reschedules…until…by the time we finally have some alone time I don’t feel good about it.

    He has asked me to marry him and given me a beautiful ring…it’s me who’s “holding up the show” so I don’t really feel right CDing other men, although I CD the heck out of my life and myself 😉

    We’ve always had very different needs that way—but three months feels like a LONG time! We do see each other, but it’s always about ‘other stuff’ it’s not personal alone time.

    I almost feel like he’s withholding on purpose–and that scares me. It doesn’t feel safe. And how do I know the difference? If he just doesn’t care about it or if he’s doing it purposely?

    I keep hearing CC: Don’t be afraid to lose him. Be afraid he’ll never change… 🙁



  249.  #249FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Splendorific!! I like it 🙂



  250.  #250Coco Kisses on March 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    RE#243

    Wow, I don’t know if this is your sitiation Libelee, but way to handle this guy…..I love the way ur feeling messages came across as effortless, god willing, I will be able to communicate effecively with my husband.



  251.  #251LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    149:

    Thanks for posting that LightHeart. I love it 🙂



  252.  #252Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Ahhh my sweet Lili! Je me sens tellement inspirée! Merci! Je t’aime! 🙂



  253.  #253Daria on March 19, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    THANK you DARIA FOR WALKING AWAY EARLY AND ON TIME! wooo hooo

    two times in a row now since this morning mmm mi feel so good!

    thank you for feeding me

    thank you for shceudling my time

    thank you for making plans for tonite to go out dancing with myself or with my gf

    thank you for loving ME! ((((((Daria)))))))



  254.  #254LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    247:

    Don’t stop trying Coco Kisses.

    I’ve been at these FMs since June of 2011.
    It has taken me a while to grasp them.
    However for some sirens, it comes to them way easier and they learn faster.
    I just keep reading them on here and I’m getting it more and more.



  255.  #255Daria on March 19, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    it feels so good when i give myself e-hugs the past few days… new normal!!!

    ((((((Daria)))))))



  256.  #256Lizka on March 19, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Ok I’m off to bed sirens! Tomorrow is the first day of me holding my new boundary. It’s gonna be a rough day! I can do iiiiiiiiiiiiitttt!



  257.  #257Daria on March 19, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    omg i require so much!!!! im one of those amazing women who is worth it!

    i feel like amazed at myself and like wow looking up to myeslf!!!!!

    weeeeee

    yes!!!!



  258.  #258LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    249:

    Moi aussi, je t’aime mon rayon de soleil 🙂 xox



  259.  #259Sun Goddess on March 19, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    I hid my profile on POF. I just didn’t feel safe there anymore. LP called to check on me and ask about my appointment. That felt nice.



  260.  #260Sun Goddess on March 19, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Also, a good friend of mine told me to stop beating myself up. I really needed to hear that from someone like her.



  261.  #261Daria on March 19, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Siren Angel – “yet I sense he will never want to go there unless we are already living together…”

    this is KEY!

    this may be an NV, or it may be that you’re nto feeling adored and treasured

    you want the man to beat down your door to marry you… !!!!

    if I was sensing/thinking this id feel unsure, offbalance and SAD

    I think there’s your answer right there… you want a man that shows he wants you and fits HIMSELF into YOUR life, not the other way around



  262.  #262Memulo on March 19, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    I feel the need to really shift towards receiving more. SmartCD is very giving and sometimes I almost feel uncomfortable, I feel – why me? He is so wonderful and real, and he acts surprised when I tell him he is wonderful. I feel that he likes to make me happy and I almost want to tell him that I don’t need him to do anything, it is enough for me to know that he wants to lol 😉 I feel overwhelmed with being grateful and don’t know how to deal with this.



  263.  #263Daria on March 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    “What I am a little scared of is the ‘in-between’ phase, ir living so close, thus giving up my privacy in some way, giving myself up to him in a way, without the actual live in and/or engagement/marriage commitment.”

    yeah i would be too

    kinda like pretendign to be engaged when you’re not

    i would talk to him and let him know what would make you feel SECURE in such an arrangement.. and see what he thinks



  264.  #264Daria on March 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    ie engagement w ring



  265.  #265LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    245:

    FC,

    “I feel bad when I get cancelled on more than once, it makes me feel unimportant. What can we do about that?”

    Then if he doesn’t answer favourably: “I’m just a girl here, and girls need to feel cared for.”

    How do you feel about that FC?
    You can also find some ideas in the ebook.



  266.  #266LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    253:

    Lizka,

    Just keep your eye on the ball: Love You and what You Want more than you love him…keeping repeating this sentence to yourself every time you feel challenged.

    LOVE YOU AND WHAT YOU WANT MORE THAN YOU LOVE HIM.



  267.  #267LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    254:

    Daria,

    I love to read that Goddessy Siren spirit!



  268.  #268LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    263:

    I LOVE ME AND WHAT I WANT MORE THAN I LOVE HIM.

    I have to repeat it to myself too.



  269.  #269LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    142:

    Coco Kisses,

    Maybe it’s not a bad thing that he thinks that.
    Up to him to step up.



  270.  #270Zara on March 19, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    137: Memulo

    I don’t know, may be something light like “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious“
    As a reference to the amount of objects coming out of Marie Poppins’ magic bag and as a reference to the umbrella 🙂
    And in your case the word also expresses the truth, as Marie says to use it when you don’t know what to say.
    And as a joke about you expiating for such a “great” fault (in your mind)

    145: Memulo
    If you feel embarrassed , then you feel embarrassed, nobody can tell you if it is OK or not. And I can see myself say it out loud “I feel embarrassed” when I do. Yet I don’t see what the apology TO HIM is for. Your life might feel a bit more complicated without the objects you forget, but his life stays unchanged whether you forget your objects or not.

    I don’t feel I make mistakes when I forget my umbrella. It is more like a wink to universe as me being part of the human race: I don’t think “umbrella” when I get outside and it is not raining. I think “sheeezzzzz *umbrella*” when I am getting wet 🙂

    I would not apologize for being ME. It would ruin my magic 😉



  271.  #271Turquoise on March 19, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Hi Sirens! Day 3 of power walking through my plan… whoo hoo! I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it either. Proud of me for sticking with it though. Tomorrow night I’ll have a change of scenery. There are walking trails at my girls’ gymnastic’s school, so going to take advantage of my whole hour and walk. I didn’t get up and exercise before work. My allergies are sooo bad…. but I was productive and got some things done before work, and that felt great. I need to catch up on the blog. I have heard a lot from Ohio guy, including that he’d be willing to move for the right relationship. He asked for my number, but I’m not ready for that yet. The old dr. guy is still emailing me, and I’m replying, but there isn’t a whole lot of conversation there. He’s a podiatrist.

    Silver Moonbeam, I did read the rest of the comments on the last thread, and I DO NOT reply to them all. I have a fairly clear picture of what I’m looking for, and if they choose not to read it, or believe that it applies to them, then I don’t feel the need to reply to their message and tell them that I’m not interested. I know looks aren’t everything, but some of the guys who write to me are really really ugly. Some who write are way too young or too old, or have nothing on their profiles that interests me in the least. Maybe I’m missing out on a needle in the haystack, but I don’t have time to talk to all of them. I feel you can pick and choose.



  272.  #272LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    96:

    Goodheart,

    Your story is so adorable. I feel all mushy jello-y reading it.



  273.  #273FlowerChild77 on March 19, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    “LOVE YOU AND WHAT YOU WANT MORE THAN YOU LOVE HIM.”

    This might be part of the problem. I love my life and get so wrapped up in it and don’t really want to give it up. And more and more I’m starting to really hate getting all emotional (bitten by the oxytocin bug) and then………….nothing.

    Not that he doesn’t call or we don’t talk, but it’s not the same as me feeling like he really wants/needs to see me, touch me, hold me. Once every few months and he’s good for another few months. I know it sounds kind of stupid—but it is.

    If I try to bring it up it always comes back to how if I would move back there we’d be around each other all the time and that wouldn’t be a problem. ALWAYS.

    Thank you for your suggestions. I am going to listen to LoveScripts and see if that gives me some ideas. I really don’t want to start a fight or make him feel bad. It’s just hard to be open and soft when I feel so put off for so long…

    Rori to the rescue! 🙂



  274.  #274LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    GINGERSKY !!!!

    SO AWESOME TO SEE YOU HERE!!! 🙂

    I feel all excited to see you 🙂

    I’m Lili 41…changed my name.



  275.  #275light heart on March 19, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Yay Lilibee,
    I really like the sound of your degree of difficulty!
    I feel so much more like my rock star self now that
    I’m in the groove of being true to myself and have upped mine too!

    🙂
    light heart



  276.  #276Daria on March 19, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    Coco Kisses – ok! yeah You’re getting it here!

    let’s look at some possible tweaks:

    Here is a script with “FEELING MESSAGES”

    My Husband: Hey Coco, how are you, I’m surprised that you picked up the phone.

    Me: FIRST OFF PAUSE – Breathe… lean back? melt… ?open heart…

    ‘Yeah it’s your lucky day (lol)” – nope, jokes are fun sometmies but this is blocking emotions/intimacy here

    *giggle* ohhh i feel kinda weird hearing that ..

    [Daria does, a bit, i feel a bit defensive… perhaps Coco doesn’t … hat do YOU feel?…]

    (big smile pause) … it feels really good to hear your voice (still smiling) ”

    Him: Oh, I can’t tell since you’ve been ignoring all my previous calls, why does it feel good all of a sudden?

    “Me: oh .. my heart is feeling light… and i feel warm hearing your voice, and brings back good memories and feelings.”

    [ This will blow men away. If u can do those two ’rounds’ – staying in your body and feelings – at the beginning of convos you’re CONNECTING for sure ]

    Him: Really, well that’s good to know, because I was thinking that maybe it would be better for us to get a divorce since you been ignoring me and enjoying your new life.

    Me: wow… that feels awful… getting a divorce would feel very sad, id feel devastated

    Him: Really Why?

    Me:
    “Because I feel there’s a better way. ” [ok here we have the first real ‘PROBLEM’. This statement is a thought. not a feeling. uhoh. that IS a problem. this will kill the connecting right here]

    feelings:

    It would feel good to be close again and married… i dont want to divorce…id feel really disappointed and sad to divorce

    [NOTE: prepare for INTIMacy to happen now! he’s likely to bring up past issues, attack, or otherwise SHOW ANGER!!! now.!!! THAT IS GREAT! YOU WANT TO GET TAHT OUT AND THAT WILL HEAL THE RELATIONSHIP. BE PREPARED TO FACILITATE HIS ANGER RORI STYLE… “oh wow, this feels bad to hear… i feel so glad youre being honest with me… i really want to hear your anger”… it sounds like you Are well prepared for this from the script you give next…

    Him: Well I don’t know we’ve been having so many problems, and I still don’t know why we were having sexual problems and I wasn’t attracted to you. I just don’t know what to do, and I still don’t have an anwser to our problems. I feel that just by coming home won’t solve anything.

    Me: “It feels to me that you still have some soul searching to do.” [this is a thought/judgement about him… in his business = disrespectful, masculine, pushing him away]

    instead: “i feel sad… i dont know what to do. what do you think? ”

    ” In my heart I feel like what I want is a relationship with a man who truly loves me, trusts, me, honors, me, and respects me. That would feel so beautiful, and make my heart feel full of joy. I want a man who tells me he loves me with passion and is excited to be around me, that would feel really good, and warm.” [this is a good script to have handy for when it comes up for you to share what you want for yourself]

    “I don’t feel good talking on the phone without seeing you… I miss u in person” . U might even want to use this early on when he asks why youre not picking up

    “I feel that right now you may not be able to give me those things, “[NOOOO,,, never judge him as not being able to do those things! let HIM be the one who decides that!!! (note to Daria too).]

    ” I feel open to whatever you are thinking to do right now ” LOVE! STEALING!!!

    “Until then, I am totally concentrating on creating pure beuy, peace, and happiness for myself. Listen I’ve got to go, I have an appointment that I’m late for. I will talk to you later. ” noo this got describy and businessy

    “ohh… im feeling rushed to make it to this appointment… it felt good to talk to you 🙂 thank you for the call!”



  277.  #277LiliBee on March 19, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    272:

    Thank You Lightheart. That feels good 🙂

    Sometimes I feel shaky after standing up for myself.
    I felt guilty leaving him after he said all those things tonight.
    It’s his birthday, and he had a visit from his son only.
    But my feeling of selflove is stronger that my feeling of guilt.

    If he goes through with therapy…I will need him to get tested for STDs.
    So he’s not done with my degree of difficulty.

    Tonight, I also said “I need total rigorous honesty to feel confident in a relationship. I am working on this for myself. Do you think you could do that for us?”
    Then he repeated his therapist idea.



  278.  #278Daria on March 19, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Flower Child – I feel sad when I read about your situation

    when he says that

    “if you were living here that wouldn’t be a problem”

    i would say:

    “that feels bad. I feel like im not important enough for a man to come and see me where I’m at, and I don’t want to feel that way”



  279.  #279Daria on March 19, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    turns out its my name day today… SFANTA DARIA! 🙂



  280.  #280siren song on March 19, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    Hey sirens! Just catching up.

    I’ve been out of town for a week and then my guy got super-sick and was admitted to the hospital, so I haven’t been around the internet all that much. Good to be back!



  281.  #281Radiant Rising on March 19, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    @Goodheart – add me to the list of those who enjoyed reading your conversation. Very sweet. 🙂

    @Brenda – So sorry to hear about your mom. Sending her lots of positive vibes.

    Stay well and healthy everyone! We are all so precious.



  282.  #282Coco Kisses on March 19, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    RE# 273 Daria

    OMG, I totally appreciate your help. but I do feel as though I’m a slow learner here 🙁

    I’m going to really focus on staying inside of my body and out of my head so much.



  283.  #283Daria on March 19, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    A woman who maintains her own identity gives of her strength to a partnership.

    Una mujer que mantiene su propia identidad le da su fuerza a un matrimonio.



  284.  #284Daria on March 19, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    (((((Coco Kisses))))))

    babysteps!

    its all practice

    even one lil step brings results



  285.  #285Butterfly wings on March 19, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    Hi sirens! I’m yet to catch up again but will later.

    I’m just popping in to tell you of my experiment.

    I find that when I see TH after not seeing him for a while that I act kind of blasé when I see him. Kind of like it’s not that great that he’s there.

    He is working late tonight so I’m planning on flashing my biggest warmest smile when he arrives home and I’ll see how he reacts! 😉



  286.  #286Butterfly wings on March 19, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    Ooooo! He just emailed me to confirm my dress size!!! I feel excited and intrigued!!!! 🙂



  287.  #287light heart on March 19, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    274
    Lilibee

    You sound so centered! I feel grounded!

    Yes! Keep holding him to those higher standards,
    and don’t back down. He knows what he did, and he needs to make it right. You will know he really cares when he does whatever it takes, and you won’t sell yourself short because you are not afraid to lose him.
    Now THAT’s Power, not force

    🙂
    light heart



  288.  #288Daria on March 19, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    i had babysteps success last nite and previous nights with saying goodbyes without getting awkward adn insecure like int he past

    last nite i felt SO sireny! i didnt even say anything (we had already hugged bye) getting out the car



  289.  #289Turquoise on March 19, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Hi Brenda,

    I’m sorry about your mom. Sending hugs and prayers. Remember to take care of you. ((((Brenda))))

    Lizka, it sounds like you did great and I’m very glad you did talk to him face to face. If we could all just be sirens all the time right? I am working on that too!

    Lillebee… great feeling messages. You did really well there. I have to work on mine. It’s hard for me to come up with in the moment. Hugs to you!



  290.  #290Turquoise on March 19, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Daria, regarding your comments at the end of the last thread. I feel it would be best if we stopped communicating on the blog. At least for now. If you stop talking about me, I won’t need to respond. My responses feel bad to you, and there is no reason for either of us to feel upset on the blog. I feel the strong need to explain myself after your comments, but you don’t read them anyways… so what’s the point? So, for everyone’s benefit, let’s just ignore each other.



  291.  #291Turquoise on March 19, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Butterfly Wings… wow, he’s shopping for you! 🙂 Very nice!!!!

    Emoticon, was it you who bought the peach lingerie? That inspired me… to at least get some new sexy undies and bras. I feel better when I’m dressed my best all the way around! 🙂



  292.  #292Starla on March 19, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Siren Angel, Daria summarized very well what I was trying to say earlier today…that he should be beating down *your* door to marry you. this is not to discount him or talk badly of him (he sounds great), but i seriously think you’re worth it.



  293.  #293Turquoise on March 19, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Siren Angel, I don’t want to focus on the negatives… but I would be nervous to move to his complex without a clear plan for the future. What if it didn’t work out and you had to see other women going to his apartment. Or, if you decided to date other men and he’s watching from his doorway. Also, even if everything did go well… what if that was just enough for him, and he didn’t feel propelled to take it a step further? My biggest concern would be that people who are in the middle of a divorce can and do say all sorts of things about how ready they are for something new and serious, but that since they are in a divorce, they have an extremely good reason/excuse as to why they can’t take it further. Once the divorce is settled, sometimes they start to worry about if they are ready to jump into another serious relationship, if they need some time to be single…. and still, to heal from the loss of a marriage. It’s easy to think you just picked the wrong person, and that is why it didn’t work out. But then reality sets in and you start to realize that it wasn’t all them, and that you played a big part in it too. The fear of making those same mistakes again, can hold us back. I’d be concerned that you moving there makes it all very easy for him. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it…. not at all… you know your relationship and what is best for all of you. I’m just saying how I’d be feeling in your situation from what I know about my own divorce and the divorced men I’ve dated.



  294.  #294Emerson on March 19, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    FeminineWoman from previous post…..

    1165: Femininewoman says:
    “Emerson I am not sure it would necessarily be leaning forward if you had told him that you were not sure when you would be available and he asked you to call when you knew for sure”

    FW…sirens et al,
    Ok so can you help me please…should I call/text him and let him know I’m around this week? When I spoke with him last week he did a lot of the talking and made it clear that he was living ALONE (with no female roomie which I was upset about before) and that his divorce was FINAL and that he had taken care of a lot of things!! And he was sure to squish those things all into a short convo….

    when we were talking I was warm and feeling messagey with him and didnt’ answer his questions directly (I’m note ready to and I don’t have to, I’m a siren LOL!!!) but I just told him I’d been thru a lot of changes and he said well I will see you this week or next week ok let me know when you can have coffee/breakfast.

    So should I text/call him??? I’m so into leaning back that this scares me like I should wait him out…
    Or…
    Will it be that he thinks I’m not interested and blowing him off???

    Not sure what to dooo…..
    🙄



  295.  #295Starla on March 19, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Brenda, I didn’t realize you were sharing about your mom in your post to me until I saw Turquoise’s comment just nmow…it got wrapped up into something else and I have topic ADD like any good Generation Me’r. I’m sorry she is sick:(



  296.  #296Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Yes Turquoise, it was I… and I’m so happy and excited lol



  297.  #297Daria on March 19, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    help i want to tell Brenda I feel sorry about her mom but what i feel is numbness and in my head judgmentalness

    and i feel guilty and

    kinda curious about that

    love to me

    and i bet i do feel sad

    Brenda I feel sad and numb and frozen to hear about your mom and illness



  298.  #298Emerson on March 19, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Hi Brenda
    from previous post..I don’t knwo the number…I mentioned saying “I feel bored” and it seemed you thought this sounded unkind…but I don’t think so.

    I do make sure and temper my delivery and say it “nicely” not in a b&tchy way and whenever I’ve said it to a man they are so attentive to try to make me feel better it’s amazing (usually)!!!

    Also if I dare say, I feel that it was overfunctioning to have a Ruby Tuesday coupon ready to use on your date with the cop…if I understood correctly. ??

    Anyway you are a beatiful woman and you deserve to have a date where the guy takes you out and takes care of stuff and you don’t have to bring a coupon !!!!! Or plan it out!!!!

    Just try BEING instead of DOING….I’ve been reminding myself of this daily with regards to my dealings with CDs and men….My DAd has even been super nicer to me!!!

    Aww so sweet Emerson’s Dad 🙂

    Anyway….
    I love you and your kind heart and I struggle with
    this type of overfunctioning too and I’ve gotten soo much better at ‘catching myself’ before overfuncitoning too much….



  299.  #299Jilly on March 19, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Brenda…(((hugs)))

    FlowerChild77…yay!!! thank you 🙂

    Goodheart…look at you go 😉



  300.  #300Emerson on March 19, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    I so totally love the pinup girl look and classic beauty of that time!!



  301.  #301Jilly on March 19, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Emoticon…yay…that’s so awesome…I love it when that happens 🙂



  302.  #302Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Brenda *long hug*



  303.  #303Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    @ Jilly 🙂 thanx! me too!! 😀



  304.  #304Starla on March 19, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    emerson, is it recycled? personally i would lean back, but that’s just me. i would feel too grudgy, about how he let me feel before his divorce and all that, to lean forward without it being weird for my self esteem or weird with resentment. i’d want him to really make it clear that i had nothing to fear and could count on him to be a nice, step up guy, without my having to fuss or do a thing for it to work, one date at a time.



  305.  #305Emerson on March 19, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    I’m feeling antsy and impatient and trigger fingerish with my phone and wanting to know if I ahould text mr. RECYCLED or not…
    grr You know Emerson I KNOW you want instant results, I grew up with instant coffee and microwaves and MTV so I want it now! LOL

    Aww the lil cutie guy who works at the coffee shop is hecka flirty with me and he’s waaayy young!! Sweet. I must be putting out a good vibe!



  306.  #306Tiffany on March 19, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    Suddenly I got a bunch of weird non-legit seeming emails from the dating site I’m on… still haven’t signed back up for OK cupid yet. Maybe I could do that! But I don’t feel ready. That’s like a big old light-beam to the world: I am still single, even though I’ve been dating bunches of men for the past year-and-a-half!! blarg.

    not that that’s a bad thing…

    Just that I wish, on some level, that by now, my “dating efforts” would have “paid off.”
    That I would have been able to stay with at least one of the men that I’ve met this year…

    It’s been a great ride. I have met so many interesting men, interesting people. They have taken me on wonderful dates, I’ve had great conversations, and I have really learned a boatload about myself that I didn’t know before. And yet, at the end of the day, I am still my same person, with my same problems, and it’s not that I don’t want to “change” or shift, or adjust what it is I am doing – I do. But I don’t want to *change* who I am. I don’t want to be a different person so that someone can love me.

    I am looking for the magical person who can love me EXACTLY as I am – warts, hairs, crazy family, neuroses, dysfunction, hot temper, and all. I believe I am a lovable person. I believe that my crazy moods, my hair-trigger temper, my wounded past, my insecure present, my imperfect body, my beautiful body, my need for “alone time,” my waking up early, my joy and my sorrow – all deserve love.

    I guess I know what the answer is here: That magical person is me. There might be more than one magical person out there. But the only way another person is going to be inspired to love all the “ugly” things about me, is if I begin by accepting them first…

    I guess this is my first step. The big, huge, enormous step I have been taking this past week – allowing my “ugliness” to show, and accepting it. Not rejecting not. Not beating myself up around it and demanding of myself that I be “different” – more docile, more compliant, more this or more that.

    Sometimes I am “bad.” Maybe I am not bad enough! Maybe I need to be bad more often. Maybe I need to let my bad self out to dance and play sometimes, to really shake things up. To mess with the “status quo” and get me to go places where I didn’t really think it was possible to get to….Hm, that sounds really interesting.

    I spend so much time here (and everywhere) trying to “follow the rules,” to “do it right,” and my assumption is that, if I do that, then I will be rewarded with – what? With whatever it is that I wanted, I guess.

    Well, maybe it doesn’t work that way. Maybe following the “rules” is great – as a general rule. But maybe the greater rule is that sometimes that big old rule book has to go out the window. Sometimes it is a dead weight that holds you back. And sometimes maybe you need to kick it to the curb and do your own thing – rebel against your own self – in order to get the *really* magical results.

    Maybe that is overly flighty, imaginitive, or romantic of me. But I think we are all romantic at heart, and being in romance takes risks.

    I had a really interesting thought this morning, as I came out of the shower. I was thinking about how warm and comforted I felt, and about how good that felt, after what felt like the harsh, glaring light and the emotional roller coaster of “romance.” And as much as partners *should* (sorry, need to use the word) be great for you, and help you feel relaxed, and all of that, ultimately, I believe that romance requires a large amount of dis-comfort. And that’s not a bad thing. It pushes our boundaries, and gets us to stretch ourselves into new areas of who we are.

    and here I’ve been, looking to all my partners to “comfort” me, and make me “feel better.” and maybe that’s just not their job. Maybe they are not here to “make” me “feel better.” Maybe feeling better is what happens AFTER I feel uncomfortable. AFTER I have pushed the envelope of the tiny, confining cage, where I think I have to live, and gone to meet someone on *their* level – allowed them to bring me to a new place I’ve never been, and just be OPEN to the experience, whatever that is…

    I am not really knowing where this is going. Just that maybe it’s not that I have bad or wrong expectations of men or people themselves. But maybe I have been expecting the wrong thing of RELATIONSHIP.

    This is kind of blowing my mind right now….



  307.  #307Starla on March 19, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    How funny, I just got done putting together an adorable pin up girl-inspired outfit for the office/my date with CF tomorrow:) i think i’ll even put a little twist on the front of my hair-do tomorrow, aww cuuuute.

    i feel a little embarrassed, like the guys at work will think i’m ridiculous if i dress up AND do my hair special.

    maybe i should dress up special anyway WITH the special hair do. f*ck ’em



  308.  #308Emerson on March 19, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Thank you Starla 301

    YES IT IS HIM RECYCLED@@@ !!!!!! I appreciate you following my story and commenting thank you love!!!

    Yesss ok I need to take a deep breath and let this day pass with no texting…maybe another day and another….hmmph

    I esp don’t want to text him and have him feel my urgent excited vibe that may come accross as needy…if he really wanted to spend time with me he could keep calling right???

    I need to focus on meeting new CDs yayayay my goal for tomorrow 🙂
    Aww I have a cute outfit picked too!!! Cute Emerson go get ’em….



  309.  #309Luzydel on March 19, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    Sometimes going on Actual dates can be worst than flirting around. Sundays no show up date, left a bitter taste for the day and I was upset, still I decided to make it a date on my own and went to the mall, treated myself with a nice frozen yogurt and then went to buy some groceries, in the meat section there was this cute guy who was all smiley and i smiled back…he came towards me and asked me if I needed anything I smiled and said I am fine thanks…yep I got options! Also at the yogurt shop there was this cute, but very young guy looking at me, I almost felt guilty! but I looked at him and smiled also 🙂 Going on actual dates from online is actually hindering me. I rather be outside and flirt, who knows and one of these men will ask for my number eventually. Still keeping my profile open, but filtered the emails to be more than 100 characters, if a man cannot write a decent email, I am not interested in meeting him. I am tired of the “hey Sexy” emails ugh!



  310.  #310Turquoise on March 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Starla, I say go looking extra special… who cares what they think? I am heading to bed sirens, long day and I’m determined to get at least 6.5 hours of sleep a night, and my allergy medicine hasn’t helped, so I feel kinda miserable. It might not be super restful.

    Hugs to you all!!!!

    Oh, I almost forgot, time to play tooth fairy!!!! Goodnight!



  311.  #311Emerson on March 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    304 omg i LOVE it Starla! You’ll look soo beautiful and lovely!!! woo woo!!



  312.  #312Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    GO STARLA…. do it all…. u go girl, 4get them u wanna dress up dress up!!!



  313.  #313Butterfly wings on March 19, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    Emerson did you tell him it would feel better if he contacted you instead of you contacting him?

    If TH asks me to call then I do. If not I lean back and let him contact me.

    If he asked you to call and you gave no indication that you would prefer if he called you then how can he know that he’s not being blown off?

    If you were to text I’d make it very short: I’m free on x or y days.

    And have no expectations.

    Then leave it up to him to step up.



  314.  #314Butterfly wings on March 19, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    So sorry to hear about your mother Brenda. Things must feel difficult and scary for you right now.

    xxxx



  315.  #315Butterfly wings on March 19, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    LiliBee – you are AMAZING!!! xxx



  316.  #316Brenda on March 19, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Everyone,

    Thank you ever so much for your kind comments to me about my Mom. I spent the evening with her, and she said it meant the world to her. I’m going to talk with the doctor tomorrow and get more details.



  317.  #317Tiffany on March 19, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    I have been really good at “no contact” for the last several days, since Thursday, when I really “let loose” on Mr. OM…

    But in my mind/heart, I keep going back and forth on whether I want to maybe reach out to him again. I know it might be kind of “lean forwardy.” But part of me feels so…I don’t know. Unfinished. The whole thing was so sudden. He was there, and talking to me. And I was there, and “working on it/me” (I thought), and then suddenly, he said it was over.

    We hadn’t even finished our conversation.

    In fact, I had told him, the last time we spoke by phone, which was not the greatest of convos, that I felt that I was not in the best frame of mind to be talking about the thing we were talking about, and that I wanted to “finish the conversation” another time.

    Now he views that whole exchange as “a fight.” He says that it’s not right for two people to be “fighting” about “certain things” after “only four dates.”

    Whereas, to me, it was not “a fight” in a legitimate sense, because I was kind of charged up still – having a “reaction” to what took place the night before – and not really recovered from the experience. In fact, it took me a full 2 days to recover, physically, from the lack of sleep. Until that happened, I couldn’t think straight, or really have a conversation about anything important. And that is precisely when he “let me go.”

    So I am thinking about my “choices” right now….

    I could call him. Or not call him. I could text him, or email him. I could do none of these things. I could remain in silence, and see what happens….

    I guess some big siren part of me is there, and feels GREAT about not contacting him. I feel so much more powerful, strong, and at ease. I know that if I *DO* contact him, it will put me in a position to be hanging on to whatever it is he does or says. I will hand him a whole big load of “power” that gives him the “choice” of what to do with me/the relationship. Plus the fact that he’s already “decided.” Albeit unfairly, in my book, and in a particularly douche-y way. But I still want to *TALK* to him about it. (Oh, gosh, I want to puke, just reading what I’ve written…) It is because I’ve talked to just about everyone else. But he is the originating party, and he is where the “thing” happened. HE is the one that I had an “agreement” with, before he broke it…and that is why I feel so slighted. I kind of want to make him “see” what’s happened. And ostensibly, I want to start of listening. But he doesn’t seem really intent on speaking and sharing right now….

    If I were to contact him, then knowing that he has “relationship issues” just gives me ammunition in that I know that I can, and will, and am prepared to walk away from the entire thing.

    What I can’t stand – or don’t want to tolerate – is the feeling of being the “baby” thrown out with the “bathwater.” I hate the feeling of being cut off, mid-sentence, mid-thought, mid-conversation, mid-becoming-almost-letting-it-be a relationship. I was going to go there. I was ready to go there – almost.

    For HIM to decide that it “won’t work,” UNILATERALLY, UNEQUIVOCALLY, without ANY input, or discussion from me. For him to WALK AWAY, TOTALLY, when he PROMISED me that he would be there, that he *wasn’t* going anywhere, no matter WHAT happened, and then to do a complete 180 on me, for no reason that I can fully fathom. It just feels – I have no words to describe. “Wrong” and that’s fully inadequate…

    I am guessing that there is likely more to what happened than I really see. Or maybe I am seeing more than their really is. Maybe the guy is just not equipped to do relationship, and that is the end of the story. I can buy that. I can buy it, because I can feel it, and it wasn’t like I ever really thought he was my “soul mate.” But he was WAYYY more than a casual date, and that is for sure. We shared a VERY intimate experience. And for him to bolt like that, just when I was readying myself, and getting prepared to be “okay” with it – it feels like having the rug pulled out from under me.

    It feels like he offered to carry me across a busy intersection. And then he thew me under a bus and ran.

    I guess you might be wondering – well, why do you want to talk to him, then? I guess I am just selfish. I guess I *selfishly* want to talk to him. I guess my *ego* wishes that having a discussion would suddenly get me his “respect” back, and maybe patch things up, or at least make me “feel better” about it.

    But hm…the more I write about this, the more I realize that that is almost certainly not going to happen. Any contact with him will likely make things worse, to the point where I will actually miss the mild, achy sadness that I feel right now, because I will actually feel worse. And I don’t really want to do that to myself, now, do I? No. No, thank you, I don’t.

    I am splurging. I am purging. I am using el bloggo to write everything out, so that it can be out in the open – out of my mind, and onto the (web) page. So I can see it differently, think it differently. And if anyone cares to throw two cents into the wishing pool, I don’t mind….

    I just like the opportunity to write stuff here, to sort things out.

    I had figured that if I was going to contact him at all, I would wait until tomorrow, at the soonest. Because with each day that passes, I feel more grounded, more healed. But I honestly don’t know what I expect form the interaction. Maybe some kind of vindication, but I already have that. Maybe I don’t want to feel like a “bad person.” But I don’t want to be a “stalker” either. I don’t want to harrass the guy. I want him to listen to me. I want him to SEE me. I want him to pay attention…

    On the other hand, I am probably increasing my mystery by not talking. By not communicating. By not saying anything at all, he has no idea what I am thinking…I could be thinking, doing anything! He has my initial (unpleasant and displeased) response from last week. and I have no idea what he is thinking, either. But I am not worried about that. I am worried about myself, what’s going on with me, what I can do to improve my life and make things better FOR ME.

    I don’t need him to do that. I don’t need him to fill in the “love” blanks, because I have that already. I have my own source, and it’s renewable, and goes directly to me, no filters. It fills me up, and it makes me stronger, more buoyant, filled with life.

    Maybe…maybe, maybe, maybe….I’ve cut HIM off. I have to say, that if I am feeling this way, maybe there is a way in which I cut HIM off from me. Back there, in the bed room, when I was feeling wounded and vulnerable, and maybe afterward, too. Maybe I cut off all his efforts to please me, to help me, to make me feel better. Maybe I interpreted it all as an affront – as an attack – as an offensive move to “hurt” me. And it wasn’t like that. That wasn’t what he DID. That is just How My Body Interpreted it. HOW in the world do I communicate that WHat I reacted to and HOW I reacted, sh*tty as it was, was completely and entirely removed from him? Or has the damage been done, because he is too hurt and wounded, too, to ever come to me? Have I felt so unsafe that I have made it unsafe for him to approach me?

    Another reason I fear contacting him is that I am not ready. I may still feel “on guard” and even though I try to relax, I may get tense and “lash out” unexpectedly. I worry about this, and I fear it. Because I really don’t want to make things worse…

    So I am staying with myself. I am taking my break. I am taking care of me. And maybe tomorrow, I will do my taxes. Goodness, I am afraid of doing those…wish me luck!! lol



  318.  #318Tiffany on March 19, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Whoo, that was a long post – sorrr-yyy! I had a lot I needed to get out 🙂



  319.  #319Coco Kisses on March 19, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    I feel sorry that ur mother is experiencing this in her body. This must feel very devastating to her and to everyone who loves her. May healing of the most high be upon her.



  320.  #320Starla on March 19, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    Tiffany, he didn’t keep his word. It’s not your fault.

    I’m not Rori, but I have a feeling she would say the ball is in his court and to absolutely lean back, forget closure, and move on.

    I hate taxes. I still have to do my state ones. I owe 3 dollars. 3 measly dollars and all that paper work for it!



  321.  #321Luzydel on March 19, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    Wayne Dyer/Don’t Chase Happiness

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xz7edbxACo&feature=related

    This is what I am doing right now, I am not chasing my “tail”/happiness anymore, I Know that wherever I go, it will be right behind me.



  322.  #322Emoticon on March 19, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    Brilliant last line Luzydel. I had to quote it on my FB (hope u don’t mind) I didn’t put ur name but i put it in quotes so ppl didnt think it was my words lol. I LOVE IT.

    Goodnight siren Island. The Siren-Goddess- CrazySingingSensation is off for some beauty rest! Everyone sleep tight, have great dreams and then wake up to them in the morning 🙂 GOODNIGHT



  323.  #323Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Today CF sent me a text message that gave me serious butterflies. Like first time he says he really likes you butterflies. It was just him confirming our plans when i answered his Q about if I wanted to go out to dinner tomorrow night instead of have him cook for me.

    And it was so sweet that also this morning when we talked on the phone, he said he wanted to just take me out to dinner for our date tomorrow night, so i wouldn’t have to worry about if my kitchen would be clean for him. it feels incredible that he even considered that i would have to put time and effort into his being able to cook for me here, and that he didn’t just figure that he was so nice for cooking for me that it would be no big deal if i had to clean up to get the kitchen ready. And this is only after a couple recent times he cooked for me. I can imagine him as a husband and father who makes sure I am not taking too much stress on at home cooking and cleaning. And it just made me want to clean up that dang kitchen for him even more so he could cook which makes him happy! LOL! But I accepted his offer, because it would feel great to go to dinner and relax and come home and take care of myself:).

    Ohhhh CF, what wonders of thoughtfulness you bring into my life:)



  324.  #324Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    Goodnight, Emoticon:) Sweet dreams to you too:)



  325.  #325T-Girl on March 19, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Brenda, so sorry to hear about your mom. Sending love your way…



  326.  #326Luzydel on March 19, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    Abraham ~ How to get ready for her relationship escrow ♥

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BRyrACwIxY&feature=related

    Interesting…have a good nite!



  327.  #327Daria on March 19, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    i like hey sexy emails . 🙂 makes me feel smily every time . i feel good being complimented



  328.  #328Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    BTW, what gave me butterflies was when i told him i felt mega important and cared for that he considered the cleaning thing, he replied that i AM mega important to him…i dunno…i feel silly typing it here now, but it gave me genuine butterflies. i felt like the time last summer when he sat me down on the playground on the night of our 3rd date and told me he liked me, as if I didn’t know:P. I said, “well I figured as much when you kept asking me out!”

    Then we found a basketball and played a game of horse, except i think we got lazy and turned it into pig, and I won, and we played tic tac toe and i won that too, and i won thumb wrestling. And a couple weeks later he sent me a text from the “_____ Park Prize Association” with a picture of a landmark at the park, announcing that I was to be awarded prizes for all the games I won while I was there, and he showed up with a rose and a mix cd of awesome metal songs i never heard and a french hip hop group:)



  329.  #329Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    It was all rigged against him, though, as I am an avid playground-goer, and I can make baskets with great accuracy (can’t dribble for sh*t though), know the secret to never losing tic-tac-toe, and am a really good thumb wrestler.

    I miss the summers. he protects me from bugs and keeps them away from me. I freaking hate bugs on or near me, lol, thanks CF for being the bug slayer (who actually peacefully relocates them). i miss feeling warm all the time and basking in the sunshine with him…and just feeling like two organisms in the biosphere together, and it’ll feel weird not smoking cigarettes with him this summer, since I’ve quit for almost 4 months now and am never ever gonna smoke again. Smoking cigarettes with him felt just perfect, like we were breathing in the same breath. I was entertaining quitting ever since we started dating, so I would never buy packs, and I would have him come over to give me a cigarette, and we would just sit shoulder to shoulder smoking as slowly as possible, totally giddy that we were sitting next to each other. ohhh it felt so nice when he lived close by.



  330.  #330GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    I see responses to me & other comments I wanna reply to as well… it`s too hard on this phone lol… so I`ll hopefully hop on a bus & take my Kindle to my favorite ice cream shop or something tomorrow so I can read & reply more here. We have an ice cream shop here w weirdo wonderful flavors like carrot ginger, lavender vanilla, avocado, goat cheese & beer ice creams, & they`re not overly sweet. Maybe I`ll order a mochaberri healing waterfall feminine woman`s siren kiddie cup w wifi sprinkles… no I`m not trippin` lol, I just get like this when sleepy hee hee… hello Jilly #57, 🙂 and goodnight all you wonderful lady-women… bless you each & every one



  331.  #331Lush_Oasis on March 19, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Oh Ladies, I feel miserable. I feel lost in a world of happiness that is just outside of my grasp. I feel discouraged that all the happiness that I “pretend” to exist in my world is just me trying to psyche myself up (like saying … oh things aren’t *that* bad; or yes, he really does love you … or the money issues aren’t as bad as it seems blah blah blah).

    I have taCD that I’ve dated for about 4 months now. He has pretty much committed everything to me already [his mind, body, etc.] and has already discussed our future — somewhat — as far as marriage, being happy, wanting to share our lives together.. Normally, I would feel so thrilled and truly happy with all of this; and he’s a true gentleman that I’ve had imagined (opens doors, pays the restaurant tab, initiates messages / calls, etc. and remembers holidays or other important milestones). *sigh*

    I feel so irritated with myself though for even considering that his reaction was true to me, right? His dating profile is still active and was dormant for the 4 months since he met me; well — until today. His profile shows that he was “online today”. I felt my heart sink to my feet and all of the NVs totally jumped out of their hiding places to reaffirm my suspicions that I’ll not get any of this right.

    I tend to CD myself mostly lately (nature walks; coffee shops; reading @ the park; shopping; whatever) and I am in a few meetup groups and do as much as I can without spending too much money that is severely lacking now too.

    I dropped my profile on these sites because I felt frustrated with the — hmm — the inappropriate messages and I get tired of blocking / ignoring them. It seems as if they all go away then. So, I figured I’ll take myself out of the online realm and attempt the “organic” route. Suppose the organic meeting route is not going much better. I consider it to be “forced” socializing because I really don’t need to get out and spend money for the coffee or what not and if I didn’t make myself actually get out of the house (when the weather is nice) then I’d have an *extremely* difficult time trying to meet someone of any decent caliber, right? Hello — Mr. Wonderful does not live in my house and has no clue where I am if I don’t get out and let him know.

    Hmm. So much for that – I thought I did let him know and now I noticed his profile was active today (after 4 months of not being logged in to!?!?!?! after him affirming that he is faithful to me?!?!?!? after him mentioning about our future and desires to be marreid??!?!?!?!?) I don’t get it. I feel heartbroken and confused.

    taCD works way too much (like .. 85 – 90+ hours every week) and he helps his family that are sick and aging so he has very little time to see me; I live about an hour away from him – which makes coordinating much for dates difficult. He works the 2nd – 3rd shift swing and sleeps during the day; most of our timing occurs late at night and some places are already closed for the evening, etc.

    Anyway — I’m feeling sad, confused, lost, hopeless, and overall discouraged. I don’t understand how a CD can make these affirmations just one day ago; not access his online profile for 4 months; and then log in today.

    I don’t know what I’m expecting to get from posting htis here, but perhaps someone here has a different perspective. I’m feeling like a lost cause — I don’t feel all sireny and I just feel lost. Suppose I’ll end it there. Thanks for letting me vent a little.

    Brenda — I feel sad for you and wish your mom a peaceful journey through her battles. There are no words that I can say that will make you or she feel relieved other than to know that you’re supported and cared for here. {{ Brenda }}

    G’night sirens.



  332.  #332Starla on March 19, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    I was going to apologize for spamming, but then i felt happy to spam the blog with positive stuff 😀 😀

    goodnight everyone:)



  333.  #333GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Brenda, I don`t know what is up with your Mom… i see several people`s comments on it. Creator of the universe, I ask, invite & receive that healing power be unleashed with abandon into Brenda`s Mom`s body, mind, & spirit! Give her peace & comfort whatever the outcome… let her feel Your presence & please help her remember that there is room for all experiences as You hold her tenderly in Your strong hands. Repair what is broken & give grace to us all in our humanity. Thank you in advance for a good outcome, and let many people be ready & willing to offer prayers, love, good energies & willingness to help if necessary. Blessing be on all who care. (I hope this is not offensive to anyone.) Goodnight all



  334.  #334Daria on March 19, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    sometimes i do feel judgemental along with smily



  335.  #335Daria on March 19, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    oops i actually felt uncomfortable reading about people not liking hey sexy emails. i felt sad

    and then i said i like em,

    and then i felt afraid

    and then i qualified it

    and then i felt bad about myself a bit for qualifying

    and i feel glad now im seeing this

    (((((Daria))))))



  336.  #336Daria on March 19, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    i told my girl it was my name day and she kinda blew me off and laughed at me

    she didnt get me

    i felt really alone

    i feel kinda sad no one on blog commented on that eitther

    im feelin kinda sad in general

    i feel disappointed about WonderCD last nite and how quickly it went bad this morning in 30 sec of convo



  337.  #337Daria on March 19, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    (((GingerSky)))



  338.  #338Butterfly Wings on March 19, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    Lush, I think Mel recently went through this with A??? I can’t remember exactly but she used FMs to express her worry and it turns out she had nothing to worry about.

    I hope I got it right that it was you Mel!!

    xxx



  339.  #339GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Wow, Lush Oasis… I feel startled & relating & upset for you… and that feels very good to me. My quick advice, the same I`d give myself, is good that you shared & vented here, & put this before sirens for feedback… and mostly, right now, BREATHE… DEEP… and know you are *not* alone, and there may be many reasons for him doing that, & most of them are probably neutral, or even good. And it`ll all work out how it`s best if you avoid assumptions & take some gentle time with yourself to feel what to do next – avoiding any sense of urgency. Guys do things like this, and it can be part of their process of making sure how they feel etc. But for now, just BREATHE and take good care of you by doing so & drink lots of water to make your brain have more GABA for calming & clarity & running out the stress energy (and maybe hit your pillow and scream into it a few good times!) Hugs to you!!! (Okay, my fingers eyes & brain are tired from typing on phone. Tomorrow I have a wifi date w ice cream & Kindle Fire 🙂



  340.  #340Tiffany on March 19, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    Am I a little obsessive? look at all that text…I think I am obsessing. I want to let this go. I want to turn around and just walk away. And yet, it won’t just go away like that. Something feels off. Something feels not quite right. There is something missing….

    And I don’t know exactly what it is.

    It feels like a broken link in the communication chain. And I just want to jiggle the wires and see if they’ll hook back up again. Hm….



  341.  #341GingerSky on March 19, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    (((((Daria!))))) I was just earlier about to start asking everyone where`s Daria (!) and is she around, & okay/well etc. Then I saw you here, and it gave me a big huge heart fire melting smile and yay I`m so glad to see you!! Till tomorrow, hug yourself for me too!



  342.  #342Silver Moonbeam on March 19, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    #79 Goodheart

    I love the idea of putting the slips of paper in the Universe box, and I have just the box!!

    Thank you.



  343.  #343Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 12:00 am

    #83 light heart

    I looked up Braco yesterday after a bit of talk on here, but honestly I found him “creepy” I wonder why I have that reaction when thousands don’t ? Hhhhmmmmm



  344.  #344Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 12:14 am

    #115 SLV

    It’s not so much about the chronolgical age, it’s more the look and the attitude if you know what I mean, so if a man says he is 64 but looks 74 and his hobbies are stamp collecting and lawn bowls, then he is too “old” for me. 🙂 And believe me none of them look anything like the men you have mentioned!!! I don’t want to be a man’s nursemaid in a few years time wiping up after him.

    He was 5′ 3″ (which probably means 5′ 1″) I am 5′ 7″ in my bare feet, I don’t like to be taller than a man, it makes me feel Amazonian or like his mother, I want a bigger man to take care of me.

    I have as my age range 48 (:) ) to 62.



  345.  #345Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 12:20 am

    #152 Brenda

    I am so sorry to hear about your mum, sending good vibes to her and to you too. xxx



  346.  #346Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 12:22 am

    Sirens

    I know lots are writing from their phones, but please remember to do paragraphs, some posts are SO HARD to read with a massive block of words that I don’t read because I can’t. 🙁



  347.  #347Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 12:26 am

    #178 SLV

    I am already signed up on POF and Smooch but will bookmark this in case these 2 pan out.

    I am finding when I lean back not very much happens at all, how much faster things used to flow when I rowed the boat. 😀

    I have given up my need for control and will just drift along…………..



  348.  #348Lizka on March 20, 2012 at 3:34 am

    Challenge of my life Day 1.

    Today I am a siren and I will lean back 100% ans stick to my boundary of no sex with ATW. I trust myself and I belive that things can change if I behave.

    Just wanted to repeat it first thing in the morning. Still in my bed, my eyes are barely open, lol.

    Have a good day sirens!!!



  349.  #349Daria on March 20, 2012 at 4:05 am

    omgosh so talked to a guy who i felt drained and angry bein on the phone with earlier today…

    and i was feelin really bummed about that and the guy last nite poofing with drama and

    i also got a call from an old cd who was drunk…

    and i felt all down

    and then i was talkin on teh local dating website with some otehr guys

    and wound up having great feeling conversations with 3 of them!

    all 3 really supported and uplifted me and i feel good and excited to meet them soon… 2 of them maybe tomorrow

    and my mood feels lifted!

    like way lifted i feel GOOD and relieved

    i dont even feel like complaining about how guys like me so much and then freak out and poof anymore

    im feeling GOOD! thank you men!

    thank you Tagged!



  350.  #350Daria on March 20, 2012 at 4:09 am

    oohh and earlier i forgot to add, BEFORE the draining guy, i started out in the mornign with that guy who told me he thought it wasnt worth it to drive to me cuz id only have a couple hours and i dont want to not see other people

    THEN the draining guy who kept accusing me of talking to someone else like 10 times and i told him i felt turned off like 3 times and then finally stopped talking and i feel guilty cuz hes still writing me and begging me to see him tomorrow and i dont want to …

    and my past pattern is drawn in to the begging and feeling GUILTY and im feeling teh pull and doing soemthing different.

    AND then… the drunk old CD.

    so i was feelin crappy with these aftershocks to last nite/this morning’s disappointment

    i really thought that guy might be my husband/!

    ((((Daria)))))

    and now , switcheroo, 3 hitters in a row makin me feel good



  351.  #351Daria on March 20, 2012 at 4:11 am

    oh, i also talked to a nicer guy in the morning, right off

    i felt kinda cool with him … i felt so numb and in pain from the stuff w the last nite guy…

    i talked to this man right after and just remember spacing out very much of the time

    and i do remember feeling misunderstood at one time and that felt bad, and he apologized and i felt better.



  352.  #352Daria on March 20, 2012 at 4:15 am

    omgosh and i feel embarassed there was one guy there was sayng his name was marcus, and im like no its not find otu what it is, cuz i couldnt find him… and now i did and hes handsome too and i feel embarassed



  353.  #353Daria on March 20, 2012 at 4:21 am

    omgosh i got the sweetest feeling message from the last guy i talked to!

    I really nd enjoyed ur conversation nd would love 2 get 2 knw yu more even doe yu older than me I think I felt a lil connection between us irk yu tell me but yu know rite now I feel da same way yu feel looking foe dat mrs right but ain’t tryna rush into nuthin but hopefully I can c yu later on taday if not its koo maybe another time. ….nd I meant it when I said if yu ever wanna talk nd dnt have anybody 2 run 2 ill be ur knight nd shinning armor aiight real shit

    AWWWWW he really was too i still felt frustrated and upset before i tlaked to him a lil bit, and now im feeling GOOD 🙂 awwwwwwww

    weeee squeezy happy



  354.  #354Coco Kisses on March 20, 2012 at 4:21 am

    How are these feeling statements.

    I want to be in a relationship with a man that makes me feel safe, warm, passionate and protected. Right now my heart doesn’t feel safe with you.

    I feel happy and peaceful with the life I am creating. I don’t feel like having a man in the house unless he’s going to add to my feeling happy and peaceful…..I want to feel peaceful and happy with you, that would make, e feel wonderful



  355.  #355Daria on March 20, 2012 at 4:26 am

    I also just talked to 4 – 5 guys named Manny in the last week… wha? i only met one manny before



  356.  #356Daria on March 20, 2012 at 4:28 am

    i also leaned forward with one guy online and i feel all cringy now it didnt go well.. urgh 😛

    🙂



  357.  #357Turquoise on March 20, 2012 at 4:31 am

    Starting to think I have a cold and allergies… because I feel lousy, even after taking some allergy medicine last night. I’m going to take a shower and see if that helps, sooo congested. I might just go to work for a half day today, come home and take care of me. I hate to lose the pay, but it’s hard to talk and not start coughing. Ugh.



  358.  #358LoveAlways on March 20, 2012 at 4:33 am

    ((((((((((((((((Lush Oasis))))))))))))))))
    # 328

    To close an on line dating account you have to log on to access the delete features. Also, if a person has not turned off the automatic billing, these sites continue to bill whether or not the person has been active. Just two more possible reasons why he would be “active” after not being on for 4 months.



  359.  #359Turquoise on March 20, 2012 at 4:35 am

    In good news…. I feel really good about not procrastinating and taking care of things I was letting slide; like doing my taxes and getting my renters insurance. It feels good to cross things off my list.



  360.  #360Daria on March 20, 2012 at 4:40 am

    ok so ONe of the guys that cheered me up… i realized i dont even know who it is!!! i thought it waas someone else… oops ! 🙂



  361.  #361Daria on March 20, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Coco Kisses – some parts feel great, some parts feel blamy

    “I want to be in a relationship with a man that makes me feel safe, warm, passionate and protected. ”

    this is good to share what you want (sometimes, remember the real basic tools are feeling messages and dont wants… ) – but we dont want to say that “i want this, but you’re not giving it to me”

    which is what the next part sounds like

    “Right now my heart doesn’t feel safe with you.”

    ok so, how Do you feel… “right now im feeling off balance and unsafe”

    “I feel happy and peaceful with the life I am creating. I don’t WANT a man in the house unless he’s going to add to my feeling happy and peaceful…..I want to feel peaceful and happy with you, that would make, e feel wonderful”

    great stuff… but I wouldn’t tell him you dont want a man in the house unless… comes off a bit like an ultimatum

    what are your boundaries more specifically here… what is it that, in specific terms, you dont want?

    rewrote:

    “I feel happy and peaceful with the life I am creating. I want to feel peaceful and happy in a relationship with you, that would make, me feel wonderful. I dont want …. “



  362.  #362Daria on March 20, 2012 at 4:53 am

    this sounds way soft already Cocoa Kisses! its way open and inviting, much more than in the phone convo u described earlier about the divorce … just practicing this will have affected your vibe and it will spill thru next time u talk



  363.  #363LoveAlways on March 20, 2012 at 5:11 am

    Good morning sirens

    I woke up feeling needy and wanting attention from a man. Checking my phone to see why no one has called. I have like six men in rotation and no one, not one has called me??? Oh boy, this is an old pattern for me, so I guess I woke up triggered 🙂

    I feel annoyed
    I feel confused
    I feel ignored
    I feel silly
    I feel imbalanced in the bottom of my chest because I just dropped it from my mind (it didn’t make it much further down – darn, I can’t even drop my thoughts properly!)

    My girl is angry is my boy is only thinking business and how to get it done. this feels awful to me. I want feel, not think, but I have important appointments today. I want to stay home in the bed and blog and post private positive notes to myself on facebook so my timeline lights up with so much energy it looks like a karmic christmas tree.

    It’s not a good feeling, but I’m going to be okay because I’m taking the feeling apart getting down to what I’m really feeling.

    I’m going to write some feeling messages about missing CD song. I feel like I miss him because we have not connected since yesterday. We don’t talk now, we connect. I don’t say much or try to control the conversation, I let him call me and speak his peace and I respond and give feeling messages too. Yesterday I answered his call and he sang to me the whole time. But he didn’t call back after we hung up (I know, keep leaning back). CD assertive was not feeling well and we were talking late last night and got disconnected. I called back, he didn’t answer and then I just text good night. Seemed the right thing to do, but now I’m not sure if I leaned forward too much. CD smoothie has been on my mind and he is the only CD who is connected to me on facebook and I was wondering if he was reading what I was posting (it was all positive stuff) because when he was expressing his deep heart felt feelings for me the other night he started off commenting on my posts. So I was sending him good vibes last night – was that leaning forward? So you see, I thought it was all about me, but last night my head was in their heads so I guess that is part of the reason why I woke up out of sorts. Plus I’m hormonal

    I feel angry, but not at any of my CDs, it’s about work this time, and that’s okay. Wow, pre-siren I would have gotten all wound up and taken this mood out on a guy! Now I can breathe and heal this, maybe get up and do some channeling.

    Thank you sirens for being here on line, so I can reach out at crazy hours of the day like this. Blessings.

    Lizka
    #345

    I’m so happy for you and the path you are taking. You inspire me and make me feel like smiling. Just remember to keep CDing while you keep the focus on you 🙂

    Daria
    # 350

    “nd I meant it when I said if yu ever wanna talk nd dnt have anybody 2 run 2 ill be ur knight nd shinning armor aiight real shit”

    That was really sweet what he said, I would feel all melty over it, it felt real 🙂

    Coco Kisses
    # 351

    “I want to feel safe, warm, passionate and protected being with a man. Right now I’m not feeling safe.

    I feel happy and peaceful with the life I am creating especially in my house. It would feel wonderful to share my home with a man would add to my feeling happy and peaceful…..I want to feel peaceful and happy with you, that would make me feel wonderful”

    Not sure what you were feeling from this, but this feels like better messages to me.

    Turquoise
    #356

    Reading your post made me feel good. I’ve been keeping a to do list on my phone, and everything little thing I think of that needs doing I punch it into the phone list so it doesn’t get away from me. Yes, it’s a good feeling to get stuff on the list done!



  364.  #364Lush_Oasis on March 20, 2012 at 5:28 am

    @LoveAlways #355

    Thank you for your support! I feel so stupid that I even considered that taCD would actually be “in to me” and with such passion as taCD professed.

    The dating site is free; and does not charge any membership dues — he didn’t pay for the upgraded membership. … You know how some profiles will say upgraded or be in a different shaded box or whatever – his is not any of those things. Now, I’m feeling concerned that he may have a profile on more than this one site. 🙁

    We were talking a couple nights ago and I gave him the “good night” message (he was at work, and its late when I’m talking with him) but he didn’t respond – at all – no mirrored “good night” or a hug / kiss or anything. 🙁 I still haven’t heard from him.

    We *tentatively* had a “date” reserved for Monday — he was scheduled to work but thought of taking the day off and wanted to see me. No plans were ever confirmed and Monday has come and gone. I don’t think we’re going to have a date on after all.

    I did feel some hope that he logged in to his profile for the reasons you mention — to delete the account, or to stop the auto pay (if it even existed), but his profile is still visible and because I have not heard anything from him, I feel awful to believe that I actually dropped my walls to him and allowed myself to believe that someone else meant all the things that he says.

    Even for a moment there — after I realized that he had logged in to his account — I actually considered that he did it to do a “search” for me / my profile. My profile is closed and has been for months. If this is what he was doing, I’d feel better knowing and just having him ask me about the profile. But, since I have heard nothing but crickets from him for over a day, I feel discouraged to admit that I don’t believe this is his intention.

    ***
    In other news; I feel even more stupid because he had just mentioned the past day (well, two days if you count the day with no contact) that he wanted to meet my friends and what not. Seriously? I feel so confused!

    I’ve not known a CD to actually admit their loyalty to me and discuss moving in together and marriage and what not and then mention that he would like to meet my friends and then the next moment log back in to their dating account online?!?!?!

    I feel seriously concerned about introducing him to my friends now. Its bad enough that I feel foolish for allowing myself to believe that he was true to his word and now I’m venting like there’s no better invention than a computer keyboard – to a bunch of strangers that probably have no desire to read all about the drama. I can only imagine how ridiculous I’d feel if I introduce him to my friends only to realize that I’m the one with blinders on.

    ****

    Oh, I feel so sad. I don’t live in a very large town; and as I mentioned the organic dating route is difficult at best. The times that I am out and about in town are usually the hours that most men are working.

    Oh, indeed, I have a vision board, and I have my affirmations, and daily properity meditations — but I’m beginning to question those too. I’m still severely lacking in a source of income or money and now I seem to be severely lacking in the relationship too.

    Wow. My NVs are totally running wild – and the fact that I have not received any message at all from taCD is fueling the NVs and feels like fuel feeding the fire 🙁

    I feel distrusting of him now. I don’t feel safe in his affirmations. There was a time that he would “disappear” and not talk to me for a couple days at all. He stated it was because he was focusing on taking care of his ailing family and working. I feel embarassed to admit that I actually accepted that as a viable reason, and he and I moved forward together. Hmm.

    I remember back when we first started seeing each other he had asked me if his excessive work hours or the shift would be a problem. At the time, I mentioned that it wasn’t for me to change anything he had going on (work, family, etc.) and all I had to do was watch and learn and determine if what he did was okay with me. At the time, things were acceptable for me. Now, I’m just questioning everything. OMG I feel so stupid and naive.

    @ Ginger Sky #336 — Thank you for the encouraging words of support. I feel miserable for even having to write such message rants! Interestingly, I never felt the need to give him the “no girlfriends speech” or the “no online profile speech” (if there ever was one).

    He always avowed his loyalty and committment to me (without me even having to question him about it in any way) and I never had a reason to doubt that he wasn’t true to his word. I don’t know how to react to him logging in to his profile and to have no contact from him for over a day (almost two) now. I just feel completely gullible. Ugh!

    **
    @ Turquoise #354 — I hope you feel better quickly and that it turns out only to be allergies.

    @ Coco #351 — I feel inspired by your reaction to your husband and all that you are experiencing at the moment. I wish you a happy outcome as you desire it to be!

    Anyway — sorry for the rant. G’morning siren island. May all of you have a safe and happy Tuesday!



  365.  #365Lizka on March 20, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Thank you Love Always! It’s very hard. I’m not sure I can hold it for very long. But I HAVE TO trust me. I have to trust that I can do it. I’ll just go day by day until it just gets natural for me. For now we’re at Day 1. Yay Day 1!!



  366.  #366Coco Kisses on March 20, 2012 at 5:43 am

    First off I neglected to say GOODMORNING to all the sirens out there :), so Goodmorning!!!

    RE: Daria # 358

    The question you ask me about how I really feel and specifically what boundries I want to set, have me digging deep. I feel as though I’m an onion peeling off layers of skin. I have surpressed sooo many negaive feelings, and neglected to set clear boundries, that it is difficult to verbalize how I truly feel. Last night I did the excercises to opoen up my heart, and it felt soooo scary. Even alone, I felt like I was naked, like my heart was naked. My breaths became quick and I felt uncomfortable. This feel difficult for me, it really does. I feel scared I won’t get it right, the feeling messages, and communication part. I’m doing great with the lean back, it comes easy for me, because I don’t feel like chasing a man, but I want to be a siren, so I feel I must master the communication.

    Feelings:

    I feel scared
    I feel hurt
    I feel angry
    I feel used
    I feel neglected
    I feel not good enough, even though I know I am (if this makes sense)
    I feel uncertain
    I feel relief
    I feel peace
    I feel love ( from other people in my life family, friends)

    Boundries:
    I don’t want to pay all the bills in the house
    I don’t want to feel scared to ask my husband for money
    I don’t want to pay for myself when we go out to dinner like we are friends
    I don’t want to be last on the list of priorities
    I don’t want to do all he house work by myself
    i don’t want to make deals and negotiate things like i’m a stranger on the street
    i don’t want to make plans for family activities
    i don’t want to be spoken to rudely

    As I dig deeper ino my feelings, I will be able to come up with more…..but this is all i’ve go for now



  367.  #367Coco Kisses on March 20, 2012 at 5:54 am

    this morning i am feeling needy, I’m feeling neglected,i’m feeling unwanted, because I haven’t heard from my husband. It’s like as soon as he got a chance to talk to me yesterday, now he’s not calling, that makes me feel unwanted. I guess I will be doing the Lean Back (lol makes me think of the song).

    I’m going to go get a pedicure today, do something that makes me feel beautiful



  368.  #368Starla on March 20, 2012 at 5:55 am

    🙂 writing about really positive stuff before bed DID help somewhat with how i felt waking up in the morning. <3 yay

    i had nightmares but they weren't as intense as last night:)



  369.  #369LoveAlways on March 20, 2012 at 5:55 am

    Lush Oasis

    You still don’t know why he was logged in or is active. But focus on you. You haven’t heard from him, and you haven’t reached out to him which means you are leaning back!!! Yea!!! Good for you girl!!! Lean back. Try not to get in his head. You are feeling bad because you don’t know why you haven’t heard from him or why he is still active on the dating site. Have you considered reactiving your profile? Maybe creating a different profile on a different site. Lean back and forget about him for a while and think about yourself. You don’t know why he is doing anything, but your guesses are feeding those vicious sharks we call NVs (blood in the water!!). If this is it for him, then move on to yourself. Pick up and start anew.

    I discovered a few months ago that CD assertive was on a free dating site . . . because I was on it !!!! LOL. He eventually confronted me about it, and I said “you must be on it for a reason, still looking yourself, so why are you questioning me.” We ended up laughing about it. Think about it, is it really a big deal if you are still looking too? Does that soften the sting? This is is the foundation of circular dating for me. Now I don’t have any profiles up right now, but I’m CDing and trying to focus on me. Maybe with just this one guy you are out of balance and need to focus on you and CD with others, even if just coffee dates or office or public flirting. What do you think.

    Gotta get up and out of her now. Enjoy blogging with you all. Have a wonderful day!!



  370.  #370LoveAlways on March 20, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Lizka

    You can do this honey!! Enjoy your beautiful day!



  371.  #371Starla on March 20, 2012 at 6:00 am

    ((((((coco kisses))))))))))
    yeah that song always is in my head lol



  372.  #372Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Coco Kisses he might just be waiting for a moment when he can decompress, go blank and relax to unload his stress – then call you. You just never know.



  373.  #373Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 6:15 am

    I haven’t had hot lemonade in a while and I am having it now sweetened with Agave just to slightly change the taste. It feels so good going down.



  374.  #374Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Lush I have had a couple of guys tell me they go on to look at my pictures and read my profile again and again. Sometimes they might be talking to me on the phone and will open it up while we are talking. Focussing on a man’s behavior and guessing at what he is doing can lead us down the wrong path. Most of the times what we assume is wrong.



  375.  #375LoveAlways on March 20, 2012 at 6:18 am

    I used my boy energy to change my schedule to make it work for me today. I have time now so I am not rushing and I’m going to use it to do some billing for the file that had me on edge all morning. Blessings and positive energy triumphs for the day!!! Yea me!!! I got to the bottom of my feelings and it feels really good now – like a pulled a stopper plugging up my positive flow



  376.  #376Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 6:18 am

    RE 365 I am happy to know that Starla.



  377.  #377light heart on March 20, 2012 at 6:21 am

    340. Silver Moonbeam
    “I looked up Braco yesterday after a bit of talk on here, but honestly I found him “creepy” I wonder why I have that reaction when thousands don’t ? Hhhhmmmmm”

    Well, I say, what does it matter? There’s probably thousands like you that also find him “creepy”!

    For me, during the gazing session, I could recognize the C8hrist consciousness emanating from him, and it was a nice validation that served to have me re-affirm some intentions that I already have. But it has been set up that way, very much the power of suggestion.

    and you know, they play that new age-y angelic type music to amp it all up. I have to say that I am not moved to sign up for another gazing session.

    There are many people who are very ill and this type of interaction gives them hope. Like going to L*ourdes or somewhere similar, for healing.

    Bottom line, I believe that all these people are projecting onto him what is already inside them, but they think they lack it. if they could only unveil it and realize this.

    🙂
    light heart



  378.  #378light heart on March 20, 2012 at 6:26 am

    370 FW
    I’m also having hot lemonade right now as we speak!
    I have it every day. I just kind of stopped putting sweetener in it. I also have oolong tea…which is even more powerful than green tea for raising the metabolism. I haven’t had apple cider vinegar, hot water and honey for a long while.

    🙂
    light heart



  379.  #379Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Haven’t tried oolong yet light heart but I do green tea everyday pretty much. Apple cider vinegar is another of my daily routines but have not had it since last week. I believe in hot lemonade for helping with mucus. Maybe Turquoise could try it for her congestion.



  380.  #380light heart on March 20, 2012 at 6:42 am

    I use xylitol sweetener too, it is low-glycemic all natural, not like splend a or anything…
    and I feel so good eating and drinking and doing things that are good for me

    🙂
    light heart



  381.  #381light heart on March 20, 2012 at 6:45 am

    FW
    I like your suggestion for Turquoise

    another thing I find works well for mucus is the neti pot, using purified water and sea salt.

    🙂
    light heart



  382.  #382Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 6:46 am

    The Secret Obstacle of Men in Love…
    Submitted by Paul Dobransky MD on Mon, 2012-03-19 15:50 We just finished another bootcamp for women in Chicago and are about to head to New York City for another one for men this friday-saturday, and I have to tell you how one thing strikes me: so often, men think that they have to be perfect in so many ways – perfect at their dating skills, finding the perfect woman to marry, and after a tough time of a long relationship or the absence of a dating life on the other end of the spectrum, many rubber-band to the opposite of what they think is failure – going after only what’s perfect.

    Maybe the same is true of many women – always going for perfection.

    Well most of you aren’t aware of this, but with the new TV show filming taking place in NYC, we are doing a very special one time only price on these trainings, and you don’t have to be perfect to take advantage of it.

    http://www.womenshappiness.com/articles/the-secret-stumbing-block-of-men-in-love?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=The+Secret+Stumbing+Block+About+Men+in+Love



  383.  #383Brenda on March 20, 2012 at 6:56 am

    All, thank you again for the additional kind comments toward my Mom and me. I so appreciate your caring!



  384.  #384Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 7:01 am

    (((((((((Brenda)))))))))))) How is she in spirit?



  385.  #385Tiffany on March 20, 2012 at 7:01 am

    I felt…triggered, is that the word? I don’t know – skeptical, maybe. Perhaps even a little judgmental, reading the text from the message that a guy sent to Daria…(350)

    She said it was so sweet, and I felt, “oh no!” bad grammar – run for the hills!

    I may be judging, and Daria can love that message, but if a guy wrote to me like that, I would never respond. Even after stripping away the grammar and just getting down to what he said, it sounds like “too much” for a guy who doesn’t know you yet…like he’s trying to “rope you in.” Guys know that women want a “knight nd shinning armor aiight real sh*t.” So they’ll tell you that, because it makes you feel good.

    But I’ll tell you what I like: I like a guy who has good grammar.

    I like a guy who can use his words, spell, capitalize and punctuate. It doesn’t have to be perfect. But at least he has to make an effort.

    I don’t respond to a guy who is too lazy to spell out “and” or “you”….



  386.  #386Tiffany on March 20, 2012 at 7:11 am

    I just looked up “Braco” too – ha! That’s so funny. I’ve never heard of the guy…but I almost feel jealous. I want a job like that! Lol. I want to get paid to just stand there and look at people and let them feel the connection and then take away what they want from that.

    Actually, that kind of is like what I do. When I am doing massage. I am touching people, and not speaking, and letting them get the message or feel whatever it is they feel through my hands…

    I believe it’s from the same principle.

    And actually, I believe my work is best when I speak less. The more I try to talk about it, the more it detracts from what is actually happening. People can feel everything that is happening. They know when it is good. (however, good communication does help to improve the experience…) Just a little musing for the morning.



  387.  #387Tiffany on March 20, 2012 at 7:19 am

    I’ll tell you what else I really like. I like a guy who wears a button-down shirt on a date. I’m sorry. Is asking the guy to look at least slightly nice WAY too over the top? I’m sorry, is wanting the guy to look good too much to ask?

    I hate it when guys ask me to “wear a skirt” or something on a first date. But that is only because I would dress up anyway. They don’t *need* to ask. And it’s insulting to me, because I feel that they are assuming that I have no fashion sense by saying that. And my sense of fashion and style is pretty much integral to who I am. I like to show people that first thing, to make a good impression.

    So I get really tired of going out on dates, where the guy shows up in a T-shirt. I guess once or twice, that’s okay. But after a while, I start to wonder if he even thinks I am important enough to look good. I feel weird when our level of dress does not “match.”

    Also, I want to know that I am important. And if a guy dresses well, then show me this, without having to say it. (not that dressing well is everything. Just part of the picture…)

    Not that I take it personally. Some guys just don’t like wearing button-down shirts. But showing up to a date, especially at a nice restaurant, wearing a t-shirt just says, “I don’t think you are important enough to look nice and I don’t care what you think.”

    On the other hand, it might serve him well if he *did* care, because wearing a nicer shirt just increases the degree to which I want to take the shirt *off*



  388.  #388Memulo on March 20, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Sirens,

    Any suggestions for staying in ‘receiving’ mode? I guess this whole blog is about it lol.. Probably responding with FM’s about how good it makes me feel will do.. but I have such an urge to express my feelings towards him more actively? i.e I want to be affectionate instead.



  389.  #389Memulo on March 20, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Zara,

    Thank you for your response! Mary Poppins reference sounds so playful and cute and flirtatious!



  390.  #390Brenda on March 20, 2012 at 8:05 am

    FW,

    RE: #381 – What a beautiful question! She is naturally upset, but all in all, she feels very peaceful. Nobody has said the word “terminal” yet. The message I am getting from the nurses is it is slow growing but probably, ultimately terminal.

    They recommended chemotherapy, and she is not going to take it. She feels secure in her afterlife.



  391.  #391Lush_Oasis on March 20, 2012 at 8:07 am

    @LoveAlways #366

    Thank you for your kind support! I have been leaning back and (like so many other sirens here; or maybe just the newby sirens) it seems as if the leaning back is making the selection of choices much smaller.

    Another siren here [on this post] also mentioned that things seemed more active when rowing the boat. I have to agree; but since I gave up my oars to the One = whoever that may be = I feel very odd trying to over function and row the boat again.

    OH, I have indeed stepped back in to my overfunctioning habits sometimes, but after I’m doing putting the pants on [as it were] I’d much rather stay as a siren. Its just very depressing to sit back and see the fish swimming in the fish bowl and getting hooked on someone else’s line.

    Sure, those fish may get tossed back in later; but, its the waiting until later happens that is difficult. We = us sirens = are here now. 🙂

    I am still actively CDing … there are about three – five other CDs in rotation; though most of them have been taking a nap for a couple weeks. I don’t initiate any contact with them, so I feel sad to say that they are even in rotation. I have recently heard from one CD that is younger than I am, but very successful. We keep playing telephone tag – he left me a message; I returned & left a message – he called back and left another message; and here we sit.

    The outings with the meetup groups are very helpful to get me out of my ‘thinking’ over-analyzing mode, but its very dissappointing to realize that many of the people from that group who show for the event are already involved, married, or otherwise committed. I still make it a point to enjoy myself and consider the possibilitiy that “hey, who knows. Maybe one of them knows someone who knows someone who …”

    Blah. Always the optimist.

    *****
    @FW #371

    I always feel inspried to read your messages to me and others here. Your feedback seems very helpful. However, I feel awkward in this taCD ordeal since he has not been active with his profile for about 4 months and my profie does not exist for him to look at the pictures, etc.

    *****

    Thanks, Sirens {{ }}



  392.  #392Brenda on March 20, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Tiffany,

    RE: #384 – I feel the same way about a man dressing up. Add a baseball cap to a t-shirt and it is pretty much a turn-off to me. It isn’t that I mind a man dressing casually when the occasion calls for it.

    It’s like you said – I want to feel like our date is special, and he wants to look good for me, just as I want to look good for him.

    For myself, I’m about to invest a little bit in my appearance. I have been cutting my own hair the last year, and I’m about to pay for a decent hair cut. Along with that, I am going to get a pedicure. I was going to get my eyebrows waxed, but I decided to just bear the pain and pluck them myself. I hate doing it, but they were looking so yucky I just did it.



  393.  #393Brenda on March 20, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Mr. Cop just emailed me! He asked what I’m up to. I had an idea he might contact me again when he left it just hanging last Friday.

    I am going to let it go, but I am going to let him know my boundaries as soon as it feels right, to let him know I am not just looking for sex, in case that’s what he has in mind.



  394.  #394Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 8:22 am

    #389 Brenda

    I usually have my eyebrows tinted and waxed as it’s a quick pain all in one hit!! However last week I had them “threaded”, OMG not sure if you gals have that over there, but double ouch!!

    Yes it did hurt but wow my eyebrows are so nicely defined……..



  395.  #395Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 8:23 am

    I agree with you and Tiffany about the date’s clothes, sure I don’t mind casual if it’s a coffee, but it’s soo much better when the man makes an effort with a nice clean shirt and a bit of cologne.

    Clothes maketh the man. 🙂



  396.  #396Astrid on March 20, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Hi, everyone. I’m trying to get some advice from Rori and I don’t know how to write directly to her, in reference to my problem! I have two little girls with my partner and before I make a decision that is going to brake my family, I would like to get some advice!! Can anyone help me??



  397.  #397Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 8:38 am

    RE 390 Brenda I am wondering if rather than going there if yoiu could go with the positive. Just tell him what you are looking for in a relationship and that you are willing to wait until that happens.

    Remember this is about you sharing the map of you in the most positive way. He is showing you what triggers you and now you get to practice speaking your truth. I am sorry but for me talking to him about sex kind of come across as assuming some things about him and what he is thinking if he did not explicitly say that was what he wants. I understood he wanted to have a date at your home. If that is not what you want to experience on a first date then I would just share that.

    I acknowledge that you know the situation best.



  398.  #398Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Silver I have not tried threading as yet but are you saying it hurts more? Wow. I wonder how regular it has to be done?



  399.  #399Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Lush – Some time ago Mel also shared something about her Mr. A not being on facebook?? maybe for a while or was it the dating site. I can’t remember but when she brought up about him not removing his profile he was surprised because he had totally forgotten about it.

    I am not suggesting that your situation is the same or that you should not feel the way you do. What I am saying is that you might very well be surprised by the true reason it is actually there and rather than guessing, either just choose to stop thinking about it or ask. This will get you to stop suffering once and for all over something you have no control over. Even if it means going through a short period of grieving first.



  400.  #400Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Brenda I hope she is willing to do some things different to at least slow down the growth. For example cutting out sugar. I just hate to see our loved ones in pain.



  401.  #401Starla on March 20, 2012 at 8:53 am

    CF shows up for our dates in jeans and a tshirt with an obscenely gruesome graphic on it, usually an album cover from one of his favorite metal bands. Always has. I love it! He’s even given me some of his shirts! I wear them all the time.

    I show up to dates usually looking really cute and polished… like today I’m wearing a fancy outfit looking professional and gorgeous, and he is going to look like a long-haired metal head. I personally love the contrast, and I think he does, too.

    CF has impeccable grammar, too, which I adore. But I’ll tell you right now, as a linguist, I know proper grammar usage is not at all an indication of intelligence itself. But I do really value it in my guys. Personal pet peeve. But nothing more than a pet peeve (that I honor).

    Forgive me for the 3rd person reference:), but Daria has PERFECT grammar. and i kind of like it that grammar isn’t so important to her in romance:). it feels lovely actually.



  402.  #402light heart on March 20, 2012 at 8:57 am

    383. Tiffany
    I like your take on Braco and how you see yourself as doing the same thing! I totally agree, as that is what I do, too! massage with little speaking, gets ’em right in the zone

    one thing i don’t like too much is when a CD asks to get a massage too early on. I may have to start withholding that information til later 😉

    🙂
    light heart



  403.  #403Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 9:01 am

    #394 FW

    It is supposed to be gentler on the skin that waxing, the girls hold a piece of cotton in their mouth and hands and somehow (???) whip each hair out individually, the client has to use both hands to hold the skin taut while they do it, they are very fast though, I think it is either Indian or Middle Eastern. Yes it really did hurt but one must suffer to be beautiful. 😀

    I was going to get my upper lip threaded too but couldn’t stand it so I got it waxed instead.

    I note on the price list threading covers facial hair only not body hair.



  404.  #404Mochaberri on March 20, 2012 at 9:03 am

    @FW # 217

    Thank you for helping me in my moment of panic…

    I decided to reach out to you Sirens ahead of time to get your thoughts and yes I did go and had the most amazing time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It felt like old times maybe even like I was on a 2nd date.

    I played your words in my head and dropped my defensive stance. I allowed him to pick me up which he always does, touch me, open doors something else he always does.

    Conversation wasn’t strained or combative – it was pleasant and we were able to share with one another. I allowed the moments of silence to be as they were without trying to fill them.

    The only “oops” was when we were at the lounge and I went to the bathroom, the bartender happened to catch my eye and I said two more please and she resonded ” He already handled thinkgs, drinks are on the table” I followed with “OOPS! I guess I need to mind my business and let him handle things…heehee”, at the same time smiling at him. He smiled back and the look he gave was “don’t worry, ti’s OK you didn’t see them on the table.

    When I got out the car, we hugged and to my suprise he pulled back and kissed me! And I let him.

    So yes it seems to be his way of rebuilding and I need to be more aware and allow myself to be more vulnerable in his presence.



  405.  #405LoveAlways on March 20, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Just had to put it out to the universe (and the blog) that it is confirmed CD assertive is playing control games with me. This doesn’t feel good and it does not feel safe. Feels like I need to walk away from him because I don’t want to be manipulated. I did not take his call/text and if he thinks im game playing in return, I don’t care. I need to be in a safe place, in a siren zone, and my instincts are telling me “I told you so.” I can’t blame myself for feeling and being open, but I can keep safe



  406.  #406Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 9:13 am

    #268 Turquoise

    Wow send him to England – 48 and a podiatrist too, I need me one of them!!! I was just talking about it today, I have to go to the GP to get a referral, would be lovely to have my own on hand (pun intended).

    I am with you on the picking and choosing, too young or toooo old are out they are the easy ones to reply to, it’s the ugly ugly illiterate that are the hardest, for the moment I am experimenting in replying to all, but I have sometimes had not very nice replies, like get over yourself or you need to lower your standards lol, so will see what happens.

    The short old man wrote back and said good luck with the tall con men on here. 🙂



  407.  #407Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 9:17 am

    #288 Turquoise and Emoticon

    When my stuff came from Oz last week was a big bag of sexy undies I had forgotten all about, it was like Christmas Day in here. 🙂

    Now all I have to do is drop a dress size or two to fit into them lol!!



  408.  #408Lizka on March 20, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Update on the challenge of my life Day 1:

    I’ve been focusing very hard on my work all morning. Now it’s lunch time and I decided to take this hour to focus on me and do something fun. I usually eat at my desk and go on Facebook. We have a very nice weather now so I am going to eat in the park, by myself, with my book. And I will smile to all the men who looks at me. There is a lot today. I like how I look with my new spring jacket and my su glasses. My hair and make up looks great also. I feel irresistable! 🙂



  409.  #409Starla on March 20, 2012 at 9:20 am

    The school wrote back and said admissions decisions will all be delivered by the end of march. EEEEEEEEP I FEEL SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!



  410.  #410Brenda on March 20, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Moonbeam,

    RE: #391 – I had mine threaded one time and never again – way too ouchy!



  411.  #411Brenda on March 20, 2012 at 9:27 am

    FW,

    RE: #393 – “RE 390 Brenda I am wondering if rather than going there if yoiu could go with the positive. Just tell him what you are looking for in a relationship and that you are willing to wait until that happens. ”

    Perfect! Thank you! Yes, this is the input I was reaching for. That is exactly what I’ll do!



  412.  #412Brenda on March 20, 2012 at 9:28 am

    FW,

    RE: #394 – “Silver I have not tried threading as yet but are you saying it hurts more? Wow. I wonder how regular it has to be done?”

    I think it lasts longer than waxing, maybe 3-4 weeks?



  413.  #413Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 9:29 am

    #318 Luzydel

    Thank you for the youtube.

    It will be right behind me too. 🙂



  414.  #414Brenda on March 20, 2012 at 9:29 am

    FW,

    RE: #396 – “Brenda I hope she is willing to do some things different to at least slow down the growth. For example cutting out sugar. I just hate to see our loved ones in pain.”

    Thank you, I think she will. She is very interested in health and wellness. She wants to do an eating program by Jordan Rubin, if she can get the nursing home dieticians to cooperate with her.



  415.  #415Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Yayyy Mochaberri. I feel so happy to read that.



  416.  #416Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 9:34 am

    LoveAlways the one thing that jumped at me in your comment was “I don’t care”. As far as I am concerned that is all that matters. What he does is really his business, you don’t have to engage with him in it.



  417.  #417Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Starla I too have ended up on dates dressed up and looking pretty with a man who looks casual. Recently one made a sarcastic comment about going to church but I just smiled to myself and took it as a compliment. I believe his inner critic is relentless and hard on him so I know it was not about me.



  418.  #418Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 9:39 am

    #374 light heart

    “Bottom line, I believe that all these people are projecting onto him what is already inside them, but they think they lack it. if they could only unveil it and realize this.”

    You are right it’s the same with The Healing Codes, etc. It’s all about belief.

    Each to our own guru/s. 🙂



  419.  #419Starla on March 20, 2012 at 9:41 am

    my coworker is cranky and it’s triggering me! i feel like he is hateful towards me today because i dressed up. seriously.



  420.  #420April Rose on March 20, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Hello.
    Haven’t got anything to say!
    Just wanted to appear here amongst you.



  421.  #421Starla on March 20, 2012 at 10:04 am

    rahhhh there are FOUR runs in my black pantyhose already! there are going to be more and more, too! ahhhhh



  422.  #422April Rose on March 20, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Zara,

    Have you chosen a man yet from all your admirers?



  423.  #423April Rose on March 20, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Why do we have to pick just one?

    Don’t you think it would be nice to have two or three husbands?



  424.  #424Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 10:38 am

    It might be April Rose. The only problem is that each one come with their own issues to work through. Some men have tried it and I believe they have realized that it is too much stress to handle eventually.



  425.  #425Tiffany on March 20, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Light Heart #398 – too true!

    Luckily, I haven’t had guys requesting too many massages from me these days. Maybe I am giving off a vibe of “just don’t even ask” lol. OM never even asked! Not once!!

    I think a lot of guys are scared… and it can be creepy if they ask too soon. Because either they just want to use you to get a really good free massage. Or else they have some idea that you might take it “further” for them – since you are dating them. Which is yuck. But also, I guess, kind of natural, for a guy…

    My other problem is getting guys to give massages to *me.* Hey, I’m the MT. I need massage! But either they don’t want to, because they think it should be “tit for tat” (which wouldn’t really be a fair trade), or they are nervous because they don’t think they can “perform.” Whereas, I am just happy if the guy is rubbing me a little bit. Bring it on! lol : )



  426.  #426April Rose on March 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

    I have been contemplating it.
    I think it would ease me from getting bogged down in ONE man’s issues.

    And it may save a lot of the anger and resentment I feel from being tied to one man.

    What do you mean, FW, that some men have tried it? Having multiple husbands?



  427.  #427Tiffany on March 20, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Haha. And yes, I can totally appreciate that Daria (sorry, 3rd person here, too) doesn’t mind “bad grammar.” I guess you could say it’s just “different grammar.”

    I don’t speak or communicate that way, so I find it hard to relate to.

    But if it tickles her and turns her on, then I guess that’s kind of cute!

    More power 🙂



  428.  #428Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 10:43 am

    #417 Starla

    You could buy the ladder proof that’s what I do, a bit more expensive but they last for ages, they go into a little snag not ladders. 🙂

    For the UK girls you can get really nice ones from Marks and Sparks for a fiver.



  429.  #429Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Hi April Rose

    Nice to see another Brit online at the same time as me. 🙂



  430.  #430Starla on March 20, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Thanks for the suggestion! My left leg is full of runs now. Ah well. It’s kind of punk/goth, which I kind of am;) And now I have an excuse to be such at work:P



  431.  #431Coco Kisses on March 20, 2012 at 10:53 am

    RE #408…. Hey Brenda, I am an Eyebrow Threader and SKin Car Specialist. Most people say waxing hurts more. Threading is definately better, it lasts longer, and looks better



  432.  #432Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Coco thanks for that. You have given me impetus to try it.



  433.  #433April Rose on March 20, 2012 at 11:00 am

    If I had three husbands, I wouldn’t be interested in their issues.
    I’d be too busy enjoying the different sireny sides of ME that I’d be experiencing in each man’s presence.



  434.  #434Coco Kisses on March 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

    I recommend that you get your eyebrows threaded every 2-3 weeks, if you want to maintain them. I have a few clients that just let them get bushy, then come again. I can’t let mine get like that, I get mine done every 2 weeks like clock work 🙂



  435.  #435Coco Kisses on March 20, 2012 at 11:06 am

    @ Feminine Woman…u r welcome mama, I feel my best helping people get beautiful, even if its online tips…LOL



  436.  #436Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 11:08 am

    RE 431 Sounds like a life purpose you could get really passionate about and share that passion with your husband when he calls. That is one area where we can really lean forward when he asks what’s up.



  437.  #437Starla on March 20, 2012 at 11:08 am

    I always feel confused about eyebrow threading and waxing…i just tweeze mine…am i missing out on something?



  438.  #438April Rose on March 20, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I wish I could get passionate about eyebrows.



  439.  #439April Rose on March 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

    I am going to pave the way for multiple husbands becoming the norm.
    After all, why should a siren limit herself to one man when she could have all her favourites?



  440.  #440April Rose on March 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Some issues are just to mighty to contemplate.

    Therefore please resume the eyebrow discussion.



  441.  #441Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

    For me waxing lasts longer and I believe the wax removes some of the toxins under the skin. My experience though is that they usually do a little tweezing when the waxing is done. But I don’t like tweezing. It feels like slow pain but the look I get after is well worth it.

    Coco when I wrote about sharing the passion with your husband, I meant to do it in a way that describes to him how making women look beautiful makes you feel. How good you feel about yourself when you get it just right or how different the woman feels by the time she is leaving and how that affects you.



  442.  #442Starla on March 20, 2012 at 11:24 am

    April rose, you make me giggle:) <3



  443.  #443Tiffany on March 20, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Oh, G-d. This is just – whew – big breath.

    I feel like “never enough.”

    I feel like whatever people do for me it’s never enough.

    Whatever I do for myself, it’s never enough.

    However much money, I could make, it’s never enough, because I will always need something more.

    Whatever goodness I receive it will never be enough, because I will always feel bad.

    It must feel good to feel bad.

    There must be something about this that I am choosing.

    Some way in which this serves me.

    I feel broken, lonely, unfinished, “wrong.” Is this somehow “right” in my mind? Justified by the circumstances? Supported by my experience, just to prove that all of my “intuitions” have come to pass?

    Oh, but they haven’t. My intuitions are GOOD. My intuitions feel good, and they make me feel good. My actions do not match my intuition (always). And THAT’s when I feel bad.

    NO, this doesn’t feel good! NO! I don’t like it! NO! I didn’t choose this! And NO, I don’t want it!

    OK, ok, Universe. You can tell me know. OK, ok, Orchid Man, you can tell me no, too. I DON’T have to like it. I DON’T have to choose it. I can simple be where I am, feel how I feel…let go of the outcome and be surprised by the results.

    I let go by…not writing to you when I have the urge.

    I let go by…supporting myself, feeding myself, taking care of my body, sleeping and being healthy.

    I let go by…telling myself good things, and making sure that, no matter what, I FEEL GOOD. I know that I am loved.

    Even if I feel BAD, I can feel good. Even if I feel sorrow and sadness, I can feel joy.

    Because I know there is GOOD here – I just don’t know what it looks like yet.

    I can wait to be surprised….

    Wade through this feeling of having “given it all up,” having “made a mistake.” But that is just a story that I am telling myself. THAT is what feels bad. It doesn’t have to be TRUE.

    What is true? I wonder. What is more true that what my mind believes?

    What is bigger than me, and bigger than my petty problems and issues?

    No, I didn’t ‘get what I wanted.’ What I wanted was ‘Relationship.’ What I wanted was ‘commitment.’ What I wanted was a man who would be There for Me. And what I got was…nothing. Less than nothing. A zero sum balance.

    But a lot of experience.

    I got a lot of knowledge, a lot of insight.

    I got to learn a lot about myself. And maybe a little bit about men, and what I could do differently next time.

    It all has to be worth it, somehow, in the end.

    My mother used to say, “everything is negotiable.” Many things are negotiable. Some things aren’t.

    Sometimes it feels better not to argue.

    But when am I “surrendering,” ‘not fighting,’ accepting reality and letting things ‘be’? And when am I “giving up,” “throwing in the towel,” giving up my power and letting other people make the decisions that will run my life?

    I guess is part of my codependency recovery.

    I am “in medias res.”

    I do not see myself as “codependent” anymore, because I am too aware of it to be that way. But I am not yet out of the woods. There is still much work to be done before I can truly BE in an intimate relationship, fully, wholeheartedly, with all of myself, and to be healthy and strong in doing that.

    I of course don’t want to wait too long for that to happen. but I guess that’s where the “two marshmallows” are. If I can put off trying to “make” a relationship happen right now, too soon, before I can handle it, then I can be assured that, at some time in the future, when I’m ready, I will discover the kind of relationship that really is everything I’ve been looking for…And THAT makes me feel good.

    I don’t need to get caught up in this little one that didn’t work. It means nothing. It is nothing more than a stepping stone to get me closer to where I need to be.

    And for that, I feel grateful.



  444.  #444Silver Moonbeam on March 20, 2012 at 11:42 am

    April Rose, you could get into that polyamory scene. 😀

    Far too exhausting for me, I find it hard to meet one step up man never mind multiples!!

    How’s your bad boy in the woods doing these days? Have you broken it off with him or is he on standby?



  445.  #445Memulo on March 20, 2012 at 11:46 am

    SmartCD texted me to ask when my parents are going back home and I said Saturday and confirmed my invite for dinner that day. And then I said that I had a dance class yesterday and it made feel great.. He is not responding. Hope it’s not because he was hesitating to ask me out this week as my parents are still here and then learned that instead of spending time with them/him I went to a dance class? Not to mention that it was pole dancing, so no male partners involved?



  446.  #446Memulo on March 20, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Starla, you could run to the closest pharmacy and get a new pair? That’s what I always do, trying to hide my legs with a jacket or something on my way 😉



  447.  #447Tiffany on March 20, 2012 at 11:49 am

    I have one message I want to tell OM. I want to say to him that I agree with him, that it won’t work. And thank you for the orchids.

    That sounds like such a good message to me. It is short, sweet, simple, complete. It doesn’t express everything I feel or need or want to express. But this doesn’t feel like a moment for “feeling messages” with him. He’s already demonstrated that he is not communicating with me on the level of my feelings. But I can communicate with him, on his level: the level of practicality, simplicity, and detachment. Detachment from the outcome, and simply making a decision.

    It feels like a good message. Because even though I feel hurt and wounded beneath it, it still feels true. If I really thought it would work out, I probably wouldn’t feel so upset. I’m angry partly because I already knew it wasn’t quite 100%. I was still giving it a chance….

    But maybe the message is a little bit retaliatory. Maybe I just feel angry and I want to “take control” by “making the decision” for myself. Maybe, on some level, I want him to read it, and feel bad. And then maybe I hope it will inspire him to want to reverse his decision, & to come toward me. But who can say that will happen. It might not. And that’s an outcome. So if I think I want that, then I can’t send it.

    So I go to my email and I try to compose it, but I can’t get past writing his name. Not because it triggers me (well, it does, a little). I just can’t get that far. I feel too “charged” about it. It doesn’t feel quite authentic. And I don’t want to say something that’s not authentic to me, just so that I can pretend to “communicate” with him on his “level.”

    Maybe I don’t like his level. Maybe that is not where I want to be.

    It feels good to think this message to him. To say it out loud to myself. And it’s good to write it in a text document and save it. But send it, I can’t. I have an energetic block, like a big hand that stops me and says, “No. I know you want to, but don’t.”

    I feel grateful for this block. That giant hand. I know how miserable I could feel if I wrote him again in this way, only to have him not respond entirely, or worse – to push him further away.

    I prefer to stay here, on my ‘level,’ sinking into feeling. Going where I need to go, being where I need to be. Knowing what I need to know. I can gather my thoughts, like seeds, to plant and grow for future abundance. Or to have on hand, in case he calls, to be able to distribute to him, gently, not forced, when he’ll be listening and receptive to me. With these thoughts, I can know how I feel and not feel “charged up” when he calls. I will feel calm and relaxed and receptive. Instead of “giving” him all my good energy now. I will save some for myself. And let the waterwheel reverse its flow, until all his goodness (or the goodness and love from someone else) is spilling all over me, soaking me, saturating me, strengthening me, supporting me. I look forward to that feeling, and I start by having that feeling, generating it in me right now….Hm….It feels nice and cool and refreshing.

    I like my leanback mode. I’m a good siren. I like my feelings. I like how I feel right now. I feel worthy and deserving and sexy. And I think the world and everything in it looks absolutely beautiful……



  448.  #448Starla on March 20, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Memulo, girl, slow that brain down. let him row. i love that you shared about your life and how it feels. that’s the juicy good stuff!!



  449.  #449Memulo on March 20, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Tiffany I wouldn’t send it 😉



  450.  #450Mel on March 20, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Hi Lush!

    Yes… the ladies are right. After about 2 months of dating, being intimate felt “right”. But then my brain got all thinky and a little protective and thought: I need to just be sure that if I’m going to be sexually exclusive with someone, that he’s not dating others. So I checked his Match profile (my account was turned off, but I was able to still do a search) and found that he had been active within the last 24 hours.

    I felt sooooo angry. He specifically told me he had removed his profile (HIS idea, I did not ask him to), and here, his profile was not only still up, but he appeared to be using it.

    I went for a really long run, came on here to vent, and decided that this was a deal-breaker for me. He could continue to do whatever he wanted, but beautiful sireny ME requires that men she is intimate with NOT be dating others.

    So I sent him a very non-blamey, but very heavy on the boundaries FM. I started off by saying that I feel axious and vulnerable bringing this up… that I understand that there are many different possible explanations for the activity on his profile, and I feel open to hearing his thoughts, but that right now I’m feeling a little sad and like my heart was a little crushed… that he could do as he wishes, but that s*x for me is special and I reserve it for people I feel safe and comfortable with, and who have offered me exclusivity…. It was worded a lot better than this, it was a while ago, and I don’t remember exactly how I said things.

    I also said that this is a really important boundary for me because my ex was using dating sites when we were still married and that I don’t want that kind of energy in my relationship.

    It turned out that he had asked for his profile to be removed, but it was not done (he even sent me the confirmation). They kept sending him emails, and when he clicked on one, it automatically logged him in because his computer saves passwords. he was sooooo apologetic for worrying me and so sincere and not at all defensive and it was probably at this moment that I new that he was a really good step-up kind of man who really cherishes my feelings and wants nothing more than for me to be happy.



  451.  #451Starla on March 20, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Tiffany, I like you “thinking” your appreciation for the flowers to him, and feeling that you agree with him. If he hasn’t responded since your last letter/since saying it was over, you might actually look….psycho….emailing him, eeeeeep! Do you know what I mean?



  452.  #452Memulo on March 20, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Thanks Starla 😉



  453.  #453Starla on March 20, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    CF calls me and asks me how i am, and i tell him I feel so happy relaxing at home listening to Biggie Smalls…I just recently started to ask him what he’s up to…it took me 8-9 months to get there. It never seemed to bother him that I never ever mirrored.



  454.  #454Starla on March 20, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    he liked that i shared my excitement. contagious!



  455.  #455sensual on March 20, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    the old flames article is interesting, but i feel surprised that rori suggested not to even welcome an old flame’s attempt.

    I feel curious to see how i’ve shifted as a result of old flames coming back….there have been a few recently. my emotionally unavailable ex was texting last week. we had a great conversation during which i gave some feeling messages which always make me smile because he probably feels scared just to “see” the word feel written down! anyway after a long conversation during which he told me he was back in town. he didn’t ask to see me! i feel proud of myself for not leaning forward and asking to see him either. it was just a conversation and i haven’t heard from him since! gosh it makes me laugh! why bother getting in touch all of a sudden to tell me you’re in town then!



  456.  #456Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Memulo even if there were men involved it is your life and your happiness you are pursuing. Smartcd is just one of the men in your sea of men so you owe him no explanations.



  457.  #457sensual on March 20, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    dealing with the return of ScorpionCD (still with his gf though, but having a lot of fighting and problems with her) feels interesting and at the very least experimental too, i definitely feel shifted in some way. e.g. I left him without even thinking about it on Saturday and went to a party with his gay brother! the old me would have hung around and hung around in the hope of more connecting time. Last week when he asked me to go hiking, i declined because honestly i’d just got home from work and i didn’t feel like it and he asked in kind of an abrupt way if i’d be interested in going hiking in the next few minutes! ugh no thanks. also, i was wearing the most ridiculous and unattractive but st patricks day outfit when in the past i would only have wanted to look pretty around him, not silly. Now i like silly! Silly feels confident and like “i don’t care what you think”! The problem i have is that i feel judged by him and constantly compared because of the fact that he’s still trying to make his relationship work and he is indecisive about what he wants. He comes back into my life when he’s having problems with her and it feels like he’s comparing us, trying to decide…and it makes me feel like being a show pony to win him over….except I AM the PRIZE and i feel comfortable to hang out a little as friends but only if i am shifted enough NOT to feel like i’m being compared or judged and having to impress him! i’ll have to see how i feel when we hang out next.



  458.  #458Memulo on March 20, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Thank you FW, yes, I didn’t have a chance to say it was all girls dancing anyway 😉

    Sirens who do pole dancing, do you remember how hard it was for you to start climbing the pole? It was quite hard for me yesterday (my 1st class), plus I have a bad knee which doesn’t help.



  459.  #459Mel on March 20, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Eeeeeek!

    Mr. A asked me to move in with him today!

    I was feeling a little sad and a bit like a failure because I won’t be able to qualify for a mortgage on my own and being sort of hard on myself. And when he contacted me I was in a bit of a funk and so I expressed my feelings of frustration and sadness.

    And he said that he thinks I am an amazing and beautiful and special person and that he really loves me and wants to hold on to me and never let me go and would I consider living with him?

    Wow! I feel speechless. I feel a bit: “but what about…?”, but I also feel this really good excited feeling… like this could really work. Like I’ve just been swept off my feet. Feeling sort of breathless…



  460.  #460sensual on March 20, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    awww amazing Mel!



  461.  #461Memulo on March 20, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Yay Mel!!!



  462.  #462Starla on March 20, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    omg Mel, wow. You ARE amazing and special. <3



  463.  #463Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    @387: Brenda

    SLV
    xoxo



  464.  #464Emoticon on March 20, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    WOW MEL!!!! ***exciting*** congrats



  465.  #465Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    RE 451 sensual I believe the article is saying you can choose one of two choices when the old flame reappears. Ignoring him is only one choice.



  466.  #466Femininewoman on March 20, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Mel he wants to be your knight in shining armor and he feels needed. I would settle down into myself and see what living with a man would mean to me. If need be to the point of being able to ask him what living with a woman would mean to him. It sounds like he feels like you are his forever woman but I would if I were wearing your shoe want to be clear to him that I am not looking for a roommate. At least not with him.



  467.  #467Daria on March 20, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Tiffany and all – the pattern for me lately , that I even talked to these men about,

    Is that men actually fall for me Hard and Immediately. Then they freak out at their feelings and sabotage it.

    Sabotage it by frwaking out if miss their calls, or asking about other men, etc. the insecure stuff.

    Then *i* feel a lil heartbroken. Cuz I don’t chase them but I actually felt attached too! :(. :p

    Like w guy from 2 nights ago. We really connected and both of us thought the other might be the one..

    Men really mean it about wanting to be a knight… Sometimes this is the first time in their life they get a chance to express their romance n be received.

    I’m breaking this pattern though, by having short first dates. My new boundary. So it can’t be more than a couple hours connecting so if they poof I don’t get so heartbroken.

    They use to think *im* w the bullshit and tricking them and freak. Now if they freak, I’m gona get blasé like the women Rori talked about w so many first dates.

    I felt kinda tense reading the comment about my man … A bit defensive and a bit sad about the cultural/racist judgements in the world so ingrained that we dont notice what they are anymore. This spelling/talking thing and telling a person of one group their way of talking feels icky…

    I Just imagine the same ppl are thinking about me!

    That’s why I feel so thrilled that I dropped that and school and that ish off my spirit. So my spirit can be freer to recognize spirit.

    And I probably feel triggers cuz a part of me must judge too, more on this later.

    I want to heal this.

    Feel excited to be on to this.



  468.  #468lk on March 20, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    (((Mel))) that sounds lovely : )))



  469.  #469Lush_Oasis on March 20, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    @Mel #446

    Thank you for your support and sharing the story [again]. I do not know if this is the same scenario that I am experiencing with CD, but I can only feel hopeful that it is as innocent and innocuous as this story. A part of me feels discouraged though and believes that it is much more than what Mr. A went through 🙁

    I wish you all the best and hope for happiness and peace for your future together 🙂 Congratulations?!?



  470.  #470Goodheart on March 20, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I’m so happy for you Mel 🙂 You were just talking about wanting to move into his neighborhood. I love when the universe hears what we want & takes it up a notch 🙂

    I want to feel good. I want happiness flowing through me.

    It feels so good to feel good 🙂



  471.  #471Daria on March 20, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I feel a bit like me n my man are up for judgement, and I feel defensive and closed off and scared. Like we’re up on a block being judged, like oh they talk like this Those people.

    I feel scared and sad and defensive and judgemental of the world.

    I honor me and the way I speak and communicate. I feel frozen and numb.

    I feel like Mary and Joseph.

    I feel anger . (aha the numbness)

    Men always tell me they love me and adore me and they want to be my knight right away from the first convo.

    They tell me I’m devastating beautiful, amazing intelligent, amazing wise, sooo funny, their dream girl, that my voice is sooo sexy.

    I got a message yesterday saying I know it avoiding my calls, I’ll leave u alone my dream girl. :/. ( I was not avoiding them. Then I dont chase and now I feel saad cuz I like that guy. :p )

    I believe all that stuff about myself tho.., and they are my knights in shining armor …,and I know how amazing I am so I do t actually doubt they feel it too.



  472.  #472Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    @Silver Moonbeam

    I appreciate the experiences that you share. Very helpful. I’ve started up again where i was a year or so ago. Unravelling online dating; it’s still mysterious.

    Yesterday the ourtime dot com site first denied me, stating my password was porn! Not username, my password!!! Who sees that? 😯

    AND it wasn’t porn, it was something on the orderof “honeybunch”, “cutiepie”… some such. Isn’t that odd? I didn’t write anymore and was so flabbergasted I came to Rori blog where I put in wrong name and was moderated…

    One can only laugh…

    P.S. I’m curious what you said to “short guy.” I asked about him but that post disappeared… Maybe I’m “not supposed” to know…



  473.  #473lk on March 20, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    sometimes when i get feeling really good about myself, my brain starts spewing ish about how i’m a narcissist with border-line personality disorder…. & now i just feel ugly & delusional ? & dirty & “ripped” – like torn or broken or injured.

    i heal myself in my imagination. i protect myself with timeless magic.

    wow, lol, that actually worked : ) i feel much better : )))



  474.  #474Daria on March 20, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    I love my fave English language which is wetass yay area slang mayne!!! Yadadaimean?



  475.  #475Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    That was meant to be: Unravelling online dating sites; it’s still mysterious.



  476.  #476Mel on March