No New Years Resolutions

Untitled design (14)

This is my traditional New Year’s post – and I’d love to create something new with your help….Do you have any traditions for the New Year that feel great for you?

I’d LOVE to put together a post, or a report that has New Years rituals and traditions – goddess ones, shaman ones – things that YOU do that make you feel good! You can put them as comments here, and I’ll copy them off and put them together into a piece! I’ll use the names you use here if that’s okay….

I have a New Year’s Resolution for us all this year – and that resolution is: NO MORE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS!

It just feels all wrong to me.

A “Resolution” seems like something I’d write down for myself to do – or TELL myself to do – that I just DON’T WANT to do.

Like never eating chocolate. Or walking a certain distance or exercising a certain way every day.

The moment my brain hears that “have to” attached to the “resolution” I can FEEL it grating in my mind.

I feel ANNOYED.

And yet, there are so many things I want for myself that I want to find some way to mark them down and get them for myself.

Does this sound familiar to you?

So, what is it YOU want?

If you’re like I was when my relationships weren’t going the way I wanted them to, what you want more than anything is to love, to be loved, and live in “Happy Ever After” forever.

You’ve made “Resolutions” and plans, and suffered and tried to make things happen.

After years of trial-and-error, I finally DID get what I wanted – Happy Ever After. And so can you.

And I’d like to get it for you so much FASTER than the years it took me.

So, if “Resolutions” don’t feel right – what would work better?

Intentions

One of my favorite words, the one that gets me into an easy, receiving, and yet active and just plain good-feeling place is the word “Intend.”

If I “Intend” to do something or have something, the feeling of it is more than a wish, and yet not a real “have to.”

It just means, if I so CHOOSE, I can do that thing or have that thing.

And the nasty voice in my head stays much quieter when I “Intend” instead of “Resolve.”

New Year’s Eve, about 3 months before my husband proposed, was not a happy time for me.

In fact, at the stroke of midnight, dressed up in party clothes and hoping for a lifelong commitment to come out of my then “live-in boyfriend’s” mouth, what I got from him instead was the “I’m not ready” speech.

Instead of “I love you” and let’s get married, I got “I’m not ready.”

I remember being devastated, furious, and half- crazy with confusion.

All I could think was “What do I do now?” Hardly a great time for a resolution.

What I “resolved” at that moment was “To get him to commit to me,” and all that did was push him further away for about a month.

When I finally realized that what I was doing to bring this man – a man I’d been SO SURE of – closer to me and closer to wanting to commit to me, I tried something different.

Instead of “resolving” anything, I just told myself that I’d be OKAY. No matter what.

I see now that I’d “set an Intention” to be “Okay.”

It wasn’t a huge statement to make to myself, but it was all I could manage.

And it was enough to get me started in the right direction.

It got me to Intend to DO some things for MYSELF that would help me be – not just Okay – but sensational, terrific, thrilled, happy, and married.

So, let’s try this new Tool for New Year’s:

THE FUTURE LETTER

Instead of “Resolving” to get your relationship on track and do what it takes to get him across the finish line or to find that special, perfect man who’s right for you, let’s make it as if it’s really, already happened!

Let’s write a Future Letter to ourselves.

Here’s how:

Get out a piece of paper, or on your computer’s fine.

Date this letter one year from now – New Year’s 2010.

You’ll be writing this letter to yourself (or write to ME if you’d like – I’ll read it and hold the space for you to have this fabulous year you’re going to write about)…so you’ll start with “Dear (your name) or Dear Rori…

Now, think of exactly what you want for yourself in this next year, and exactly how it’s going to go – EVERYTHING you want.

Write about money – write EXACTLY how much money you want coming in every month, where that money will be coming from, and EXACTLY how you’re going to spend it.

Don’t be stingy with your imagination here – make it a LOT of money, but something your brain will see as DO-ABLE, not just a fantasy.

Make it a high salary for someone with your kind of job, and make it a job in an environment you enjoy…

Make it up so it feels GOOD.

And then write about all the LOVE, ROMANCE AND RELATIONSHIP you want to experience in 2010.

And let’s set another rule here for that – let’s make it about the BIG PICTURE.

Instead of making it about the boyfriend you have who’s causing you pain now, or the man you have a crush on who isn’t paying you enough attention now, or your husband who’s going through some hard times and making your life unhappy now – let’s make it about what would feel GOOD.

How does that look for you?

Make it about a man with a movie star face – not a specific man, but imagine how it is he holds you – how he touches you, what his face looks like when he smiles at you.

Imagine getting attention and love without WORKING for it.

Imagine getting great sex AND friendship – all together instead of just one or the other.

Imagine feeling respected and loved, and imagine feeling SECURE and COMMITTED.

And as you’re imagining all this, now comes the IMPORTANT PART:

I want you to imagine that this has ALREADY HAPPENED!

You’ve dated the letter a year from now, so I want you to write about all this great stuff as if you’re looking BACK at how it happened and how it felt while it was happening, and how it feels NOW to have EXACTLY what you want.

Write about other things, too.

Write about the FUN you had – perhaps you went on a vacation with your wonderful man.

Perhaps you got a financial bonus from work, or your business took off and got so much more successful, or you got the job you always wanted.

Perhaps your self-esteem took a huge leap and you can see how your confidence has been building over this year you’re writing about.

Perhaps a phenomenal man just dropped from the sky, knew you were the one for him right away, and it’s been heaven-on-earth ever since.

Perhaps you were surprised, out-of-the-blue, by a proposal for the totally committed relationship you’ve always wanted.

Perhaps all health issues have cleared up, all depression’s gone, and you can look back over this year and hear your own self LAUGHING.

I’m going to write my own letter today, and paste it on my office wall to remind me every moment that this is the life I EXPECT to have in the coming year – because this is the way it has – in my letter – ALREADY HAPPENED.

I’m going to write about YOU, and how you’ve had an incredible year, and how you’ve found a magnificent, committed relationship so fast, and how amazing it feels to me to know I’ve helped you in some way, and that we’ve been able to talk, you and I, through your emails and my eletters and programs.

This might sound like a fantasy exercise, but the truth is – our brains don’t know the difference.

If we tell ourselves that something is true – and especially if we WRITE it down – our minds believe it just as if it IS true.

That’s how we all mow down our self-esteem by telling ourselves icky things about ourselves.

Our minds believe the icky thoughts, and then our confidence goes down the tubes, and then those things we only TOLD ourselves were true start to LOOK true in our lives.

If we tell ourselves we don’t deserve any more love and commitment than we’re getting right now – we tend to attract and be attracted to men who WON’T be giving us the love and commitment we want and actually DO deserve.

If we tell ourselves we don’t deserve any more love and commitment than we’re getting right now – we tend to push away any love our man DOES want to give us, and then everything in the relationship gets worse.

And why do we all tend to do this? To sell ourselves short and undermine our own success?

Because we’ve been TAUGHT to do life this way. We’ve been told things like “Don’t get your hopes up.”

And we’ve been told that having dreams and believing they’ll come true is “stuck up,” and being “conceited,” and that we need to “get over ourselves.”

We’ve been told we’re “lucky” to have a man.

That good man are “few,” and that good relationships are “hard.”

We’ve been taught to have low expectations so that we don’t disappoint ourselves.

Even when we catch ourselves imagining that something will turn out great – we stop ourselves.

As if believing in ourselves and that we can have EXACTLY what we want in life and in our relationship isn’t the right way to think.

And all that is just WRONG.

The TRUTH is just the opposite.

The more you believe in yourself, the greater your chances for having what you want.

We all know how awful it feels when we have high hopes for something that doesn’t work out.

Like when we REALLY like that man we went out with and can practically see ourselves in our wedding dress, and then he never calls again.

When these things happen, we sometimes blame not only ourselves for not sewing up the man – but we blame even the DESIRE for those things.

As if it was the WANTING of those things that made it all go bad.

And that’s NOT what happened.

What helps make things go bad is the “vibe” we create around our wanting of that thing – and when that vibe starts to feel like desperation and need – like “I have to have that man or I’ll die,” or “If he doesn’t call again, I’ll be destroyed,” THAT’S how we can sabotage ourselves.

So, what the man who’s been dating you for days, or weeks, or months or years “gets” from you can be either your HIGH opinion of yourself, along with your DESIRE for the part or for a relationship, or your LOW opinion of yourself, along with your NEED for the part or for HIM.

And which one do you think is most likely to get you what you want?

So with this Future Letter, you’re telling yourself that: Not only is it OKAY to dream BIG and want what you want, but that dreaming BIG is the WAY to GET what you want.

So tell it all.

Make it like a script to a movie about your year that you’ve ALREADY SEEN.

Make your movie a triumph of personal power and confidence.

On the day you date this letter – January 1st 2010 – make it so it’s all already happened.

Look back on 2009 and see all the steps you took to make it happen, all the Rori Raye Tools you used and how they worked for you like magic.

See yourself HAPPY every step of the way.

I’ll be writing my Future Letter tonight, and would love to read yours, too.

Remember to make it GOOD! And remember to write it as though it’s all already happened, just the way you want it.

Love to you, and the next time we talk, we’ll both be living in this great, new, beautifully imagined and ALREADY SUCCESSFUL new year.

Love, Rori

Posted in

274 Comments

  1.  #1marina on January 1, 2011 at 7:25 am

    Dear Rori!

    Oh, how I love this!
    I am writing this letter to myself and I will put it in an envelope and open it January 1st 2012.

    Woohoo, this feels soooo exciting!
    I will write down all that I want, gimme gimme gimme Universe 😉

    Thank you!
    😀
    Love, Marina



  2.  #2Leo on January 1, 2011 at 7:41 am

    Happy New Year everyone!

    Thanks, Rori, for this lovely post (the dates might be a lil screwed up…right?!)!!!

    I will write this “future-past-letter” later today. It sounds like a lot of fun to do!

    I was just sitting in the bus for a half an hour…and thinking a little and feeling a lot.
    My Man was such a cutie the past days. He often said so many nice things that made me feel great and valued. Often though…I didnt know how to reply. But I chose to rather not get into my head and think about what I could answer but rather enjoy the moment BIG time… 🙂 Felt great!
    Then I tried to figure out my feelings from the past days, when he said those nice things…. And I will write that down. Like in a letter to him. When I started to come up with some feelings and knew how to express them in my head…. I felt so proud and happy and felt sooo self assured. Awesome!

    Oh, and Rori, you asked about our traditions and that we wont make up resolutions.
    Actually…me and my man’s tradition every year at 0:05 a.m. is to make “resolutions” for our relationship. But not what we “have to” do…. but what we WANT to do…
    We pick some cities we want to visit or plan a vacation that we’d enjoy – things that will make us happy!

    And this year I have another “resolution” that will make me happy….
    I will only do things that I want to do, that make me feel good, that I enjoy.
    And i won’t do things that annoy me, make me feel sad or angry!!!!!!!!!
    😀



  3.  #3Senior Lady Vibe on January 1, 2011 at 7:54 am

    January 1st, 2011.

    Hello, world.

    Happy New Year’s Day.

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  4.  #4Kristine on January 1, 2011 at 8:48 am

    January 2010

    Dear Rori,
    What an amazing year i have has through all the tough times, I have came out on top of the world. Earning my degree as a R.N. being a single mom with 3 children and an awesome support system, my family. I finally figured out how to love myself and others and it feels amazing. My self esteem is 110% right now, noone not even a man can ruin my day. I look in the mirror and see I am beautiful and an amazing person any man who gets a chance with me would be the luckiest man on earth. I have love, compassion, love helping those who are in need, and nurturing. I take in everyday like a blessing, spending time with ,my gifts, my children. I have met some amazing men and some not so amazing but I am happy and so blessed to have had an experience with each that have tought me things in different ways. I love my job, the year even suffering of loss of family has made me think of my bkessings. I am so honest with myself now more than ever before and with anyone I speak with. I am me and I love it and my man loves it to. When he touches me I get chills, when we kiss i feel so passionately in love as so does he. He looks at me like I am the only one in the room that matters. I do not feel threatned or insecure he will go anywhere because our love is to strong. Why go anywhere else when everything you want is right in front of you. We take care of eachother equally, persue and support our goals and dreams together. We raise our family. We go on trips together and he treats me like a queen without me asking as I treat him like a king. He tells me how amazing I am and that I am so beautiful that he is so lucky to have met me. He loves my children as I love his in hopes one day we may marry and make more of our own. Our wedding will be on the beach lined with Tikki torches and a white runner leading to a beautiful trellis made by my mother. It took me awhile to find this amazing man but I did he is there. We found eachother in the most awkward circumstance but we did. He helped me find my self love again and it was the best gift I ever received. He is a gift to me and I would never want anyone else. He tells me I am perfect and even when i look my worst he tells me I am beautiful. We went to a city near by had a few drinks and dinner and then spent the most amazing night in a beautiful hotel making passionate love, the best I ever had. I am so blessed for my lessons in life and love and realize I am more than an option I am the option! I dream about him while I sleep and feel him laying next to me. When I am scared or alone I hear him tell me it will be ok. I didn’t know what I wanted or how I found it but now I have and wouldn’t change my life, accomplishments, or who I am inside and out for anyone. He loves me just the way I am, I see more clearly now and when I wake up I am happy just because I am me and loved. When someone breaks you down until you hit rock bottom you roll over and be miserable or you fight for what you want and I did and am so glad I am here today. The courage, strength, and love learned this year can never be taken from me, I won’t let them. I have worked too hard to let anyone break me EVER again. I love you and your blogs god bless you! GODDESSES you are all amazing never settle for less than you want and deserve, This GODDESS sure won’t!



  5.  #5Ella on January 1, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Happy New Year Sirens.

    xoxox



  6.  #6Ella on January 1, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Sometimes I get overwhelmed with NVs.

    Thoughts and anxieties start whirling around my head.

    I start to think about Mr Barman’s flaws and worry about how they could affect our relationship!

    Then I have to catch myself…

    Say NO…

    Just focus on the space between us… the relationship.

    Focus on making that good.

    Focus on just expressing how I am feeling and paying attention to how I feel in his prescence.

    Focus on leaning back and taking care of me whatever that looks like.

    I have realised that the only healthy way forward for me this year is to focus purely on me and my life and how to make it the best, most amazing version of my life that it can be.

    Whether I am with Mr Barman or not is somewhat irrelevant.

    I feel a lot of fear around becoming too invested when I do not yet know if this man is someone I want to be invested in.

    I need time to see this not words.

    But if I focus purely on my life and get excited that in itself can be transformational.



  7.  #7Ella on January 1, 2011 at 9:22 am

    There are issues from his past that scare the heck out of me… to do with drug abuse, maybe addiction? although that is a label and judgement that popped into my head while I listen to him talk about his past issues.

    And when I am hearing about them it makes me feel terrified…

    Because I have been with people in the past who have had similar issues and it has not felt good for me.

    I feel frightened in case these issues come back up… NVs tell me that he could pull me down and I feel worry that my boundaries won’t be strong enough to protect me, or that I will be too invested and so I will feel pain.

    All this amounts to me feeling fear.

    He says that he does not want to go down that road and that he won’t let it happen. He has made a fresh start by moving into the pub, working there and starting a new life.

    Which he wants me to be part of.

    He does not feel worried as he feels certain this is what he wants.

    However I do not yet know him well enough to know if his good intentions can amount to real actions.

    I have met his friends and family and I can feel him as a person and I have no doubts that he is a kind soul and that he cares for me and wants a chance to do his best.

    I have also met some of his other ‘freinds’ from his past life and when I have met them or heard about his past I have felt so judgemental. And I have felt less respect for him and I have felt anger and contempt towards him… and like I want to RUN!

    I want to share these feelings with him one day.
    I have spoken to him about some of this stuff.

    So far it has been a mixed bag with him of me feeling good and safe (mostly) and sometimes feeling afraid and negative.

    One very good thing is that I have been able to practice communicating how I feel with him and this has been truly amazing.

    I want to stay open to him and not judge, and I like that he feels he can share stuff and be honest when he is with me.

    However I need some strong boundaries in place to keep me safe.

    For me this looks like constantly putting my needs first, stayinng in touch with my feelings moment by moment and expressing how I feel.

    This looks like taking the time to get to know him and allow him to prove himself over time, before I invest too much.

    However even this feels like hard work as he is constantly pushing for more closeness and togetherness.

    But I do have a right to ‘see’ whether a man is right for me over time before I give myself to him.

    In fact this is the ultimate way I can protect and respect myself.

    I want to express this to him.

    And focus on my life first.

    So I am going to write my future letter for this year soon and it will be all about my fabulous life and all the good things going on that bring me joy.

    If he wants to be part of this I feel comfortable to allow that, however I need to feel respected by him alllowing me time.

    I know it is good for a man to set the pace and do the pursuing however he needs to be able to hear and respect my need for taking things slowly.

    Sometimes I do not feel heard on this.

    I am just going to continue expressing… put the focus back on me and throw myself into making my life amazing.

    This is how positive change takes place… not through me focusing on a particular aspect of behaviour of another person, or even the issues in another person’s past / life.

    So all about ME, ME, ME.

    What do I want?

    What feels good to me?

    Babysteps Ella. YOu are doing a great job so far!

    Love, love, love to me.

    🙂



  8.  #8Darling Ella on January 1, 2011 at 10:03 am

    My main stages while learning Roris’ tools and observing Rori’s Sirens using them:

    1. Oh?!… Ahh!…WOW!…Hmm?!…Brilliant! …Yuck…Huh?

    2. Feeling Weird…while using “I feel”…”I want”…”I don’t want”…”I don’t like”…would trigger thoughts/voices saying…”I am not nice and accommodating therefore I will not be liked/accepted…”

    3. Feeling Numbed…Information overload stage…Feeling Doubtful…It may not be for me…stuck in “I am different”…again old voices in my head like that of my mother…when people would compliment her about me, she would cancel/minimize the compliment stating “Oh, she is just different”…unlike her answers about my other sister who was acknowledged as striking beautiful and intelligent…

    4. Feeling curious/introspective/inquisitive…Let’s try this again…Questioning myself, my actions/my thinking pattern/my triggers/ digging deeper…

    5. Feeling comfortable…It’s OK if I don’t get it right all the time…I forgive myself…

    6. Feeling enlightened…emerging to a stronger sense of self, healing triggers and past hurtful memories…and

    7. Looking forward to be Surprised every single moment of my life…



  9.  #9lisa on January 1, 2011 at 10:16 am

    Iam sending this doubting an answer but hopeful of one

    If anything it should give others an insight of what you
    teach and what you
    should nt do and why I can barely see through my tears as
    Iam typing

    this is in fact a cautionary tale

    i am a true believer in fate, and in energy and the power
    of attraction. I
    practise ‘the secret’ and love myself.

    However

    I started a new job 18 months ago – i have never ever met a
    man that as soon
    as he walked into a room caught my attention. He was at
    this point married –
    totally infatuated with his wife – 12 months later i came
    back from holiday
    and found she Had left him – she was in fact seeing someone
    else – this was
    July 2010.

    He was devastated

    a few weeks later he started texting me as i was
    going through a similar
    thing

    he started calling. H ecalled at 7 am when he was sat outside her huse and there was another mans car on her drive – she lied about this saying she was not at home – he called her bluff and was furious. A few weeks after he found her work phone when he was moving some things out and found texts to the other man confirming that she had been seeing him for sometime – been on holiday with him – wanting to marry this new man – he was again devasted – i picked him up – dusted him down and told him to chill – this was in October.
    – this lady has lied to him a lot and
    had treated him
    very badly to date she is still with the man she left him for. we started dating in NOVEMBER – all initiated by him – he chased – and
    it was lovely – we have had some lovely dates he maked me feel special and is very very attentive.
    But over Christmas she has
    bombarded him with
    calls and texts and is devastated that he is with someone
    else ie me – she does know who Iam and has told him she thinks Iam lovely and that if there wasanyone she would put him with it would be me.
    he has asked her for a divorce she is devastated – she is STILL however with
    the other man! She has told him that she will only leave the other man if she knows he will take her back.

    He says he fids it hard to see her so upset and it has been very difficult to deal with.

    this makes him in my eyes ‘the other guy’

    he says he knows this

    over Christmas our relationship turned into a physical one
    – it was
    something i thought about a lot – he has today called and
    told me that he
    cant carry on seeing me as in his head he is still married. and that iam so
    important to him he doesnt want to ‘lead me on’

    i cant begin to tell you how devastated iam – 3 days ago i
    was his world –
    he said i made him so happy – he said i was beautiful and he was Lucky to
    have me in his life. today he told me that us sleeping to gether has in his
    words ‘totally freaked him out’

    my reply – god was it that bad?

    this made him laugh.

    it was very intimate at the time and we have been so very close. the last two weeks have been terrible.
    He has asked for me to be understanding and to be his friend – he has told
    me that he has no intention of getting back together with her.

    my response was to say

    i cant be your friend – iam sorry – my Friends are
    important to me and they
    don’t hurt each other.
    i told him he was important to me but that he had hurt me very much and that he needed to respect my space.
    I asked him not to call me and told him that i truely hoped that he managed
    to rectify things or to sort his head out – but that i was
    no longer willing
    to glue him back together.

    He started to cry and said that was ok.
    I also told him that i would see him at work and that i would be the same as always but he would be colleague and not to ask me for anything else or call
    me about his wife .

    I also said that i could nt rememnber the last time he asked how i was??

    We have alwyas been so close and he has always said he adores spending time with me –

    all this happended at 0830 31/12/10. at 1330 he had text saying he was
    so sorry he had hurt me and that this was a considered decision and not one he had made lightly. he finished this with ‘so sorry’

    my mum read this and said DO NOT REPLY

    she said i have to be strong and not to do anything.

    at around 10pm he text again saying ‘ i know you may not think its appropriate but i wanted to wish you a happy new year’

    ????????????????? what ???????
    i was suprised to get a text from him
    so quickly – but i fear this is from guilt rather than indecision. I have to work with him closely on a daily basis – i have booked some time off to get some strength before i have to see him again. Iam in short devastated.

    i have been for him through everything – proped him up i guess and now she is back bombarding him with attention and upset he no longer feels he needs
    me.

    I d love to know if anyone thinks this is salvagable – i have a sneakiy feeling he will come back around

    kind regards

    Lisa



  10.  #10Ella on January 1, 2011 at 10:17 am

    Dear Rori,

    This year has been truly AMAZING for me!

    Stuff has happened that I didn’t even know was possible!

    Firstly my two businesses took off in a major way. My A*** business has just boomed. My team grew to 100 people including 7 Down Lines. I have enjoyed working with them all immensely and watching the team grow and the business begin to make some real money. I earned $30,000 this year from this business and I have had so much fun doing it!

    Things I particularly like are driving around meeting other women, getting to try all the products and seeing my team grow. I love that it is an active job and I love that I get to dress glamorously while I am doing it.

    I have been recognized for my achievements this year and I won a holiday for doing so well. My mum has been getting more involved in the business and she is planning to be even more involved as we grow it even further during the coming year.

    My other business SHINE has also been very successful. I worked with 30 clients over the year, most of whom were regular clients who have stayed with me and I still support them when they need it.

    I have been able to work with them and support them to make changes in their lives. It feels amazing that I can make such a useful difference to people’s lives. I have earned $7000 through this work and this also includes a fitness class that I set up in a local hall. The hall is big and the class usually has 17 people in it. I love teaching the class, it makes me feel SO good AND helps to keep me fit!

    I still go up to London about once per week and teach for ***. They have rolled out the *** course and I am teaching this on a regular basis which is really good money. $230 per day for each day I teach! I feel so happy about this and love teaching this topic with the students. I still do SS sessions sometimes too.

    I have managed to pay off all my bills and have saved $25,000 which I will use for the deposit in a house. This feels exciting.

    I have continued to be fit and healthy this year, in fact more so than ever. I have enjoyed exercising 3-4 times per week and being active in my jobs. Can you believe I still enjoy going to the gym! I have also managed to finally get more of a handle on my eating patterns and now I only eat good quality food consciously. I stop for my meals and appreciate the food I am eating.

    …. Are still living in my flat, and I am planning to buy the rest of it this coming year. Then I will aim for buying a place down here. My family and I are negotiating how we want to do this. This is going to happen, in fact the wheels are already in motion for buying the remainder of the flat!

    And the BEST part of all is that my relationship has been truly AMAZING this year! In a way I never even dreamed possible! But is has!

    My man has kept stepping up and taking care of me. He keeps things fun. And the communication is Awesome. I have just kept being open and expressing and he has just kept giving and it has made us both so happy and healthy!

    At the end of the summer he bought me a ring! He proposed to me and I felt safe and happy enough to say YES! Wow I feel so excited!

    And it is so easy! Who would have thought it could be like this, it just feels so natural and I feel excited about being married soon as I feel very trusting and cared for with him now. And we laugh a lot, have fun, play around together. This keeps a strong bond between us.

    All the doubts and fears I was feeling at the end of last year just melted away as things became more real and even more great. We are still happy in love and so affectionate with each other.

    He still gets up to greet me when he sees me and when he holds me strongly it feels so good. Ummm! He still kisses me with passion, deep kisses, and the sex has just gone from good to even better as we have become more comfortable with each other, brave enough to experiment and have fun in a safe and loving way.

    And where I am loving my body now he does too, and my self esteem has just gone through the roof. It really feels SO good. And I am just feelings so good about myself that this is radiating through and having an effect in every other part of my life.

    Like the vibe has completely shifted, and I am finally living my dream life with the people I care about around me.

    We will be getting married in Feb and will take our honeymoon somewhere hot!

    I have spent some of my money on beautiful, good quality clothes this year and have been enjoying the pole dancing lessons that my mum bought me for Christmas last year. The shape of my body has changed drastically, especially my arms which have toned up beautifully for the first time in my life!

    My close family are still healthy and well and we have been growing more open with each other this year. We have been laughing a lot.

    I still get a lot of joy from listening to music in my car! I had my teeth straightened and whitened and I love my smile now.

    So thank you Universe for the most wonderful year full of good feelings and here’s to many more to come.



  11.  #11Ella on January 1, 2011 at 10:38 am

    have noticed that i always seem to feel anxious in my tummy on New Years Day every year.

    think it has to do with NVs saying I have not achieved enough in the past year and anxiety feelings that I will not be able to create a good life for myself in the year to come. I intend to create a GREAT life for myself, including taking good care of myself and being supportive and gentle of myself.

    This year I intend to live out and create my personal dream life!

    Well this year



  12.  #12Dorothea on January 1, 2011 at 10:38 am

    I have a very sireny hangover.



  13.  #13Darling Ella on January 1, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Ella…#9 and #10…

    I feel very confused :(…Hmm…maybe I am reading it all wrong???

    It feels like it’s not the same Ella…:(

    in #9, Ella had a fantastic 2010…with great accomplishments…she’s about be engaged in Feb 2011

    #11, Ella saying “NVs saying I have not achieved enough in the past year and anxiety feelings that I will not be able to create a good life for myself in the year to come. I intend to create a GREAT life for myself, including taking good care of myself and being supportive and gentle of myself.

    This year I intend to live out and create my personal dream life!

    I swear I didn’t drink last nite 🙁



  14.  #14Leo on January 1, 2011 at 10:48 am

    @ Ella:

    I can totally understand you feeling of anxiety at New Year’s Eve.

    I always handle it in a different way though. Of course do I think about what has happened in the last year, good things and bad.
    But… I rather look forward to the new year and think about all the things I want to do that sound like fun.
    What has happened – happened. Cant change it no more…. But I write my own past. So I look forward to doing all those fun things about which I can be happy at next years New Year’s Eve.



  15.  #15Dorothea on January 1, 2011 at 10:50 am

    darling ella, ella’s 9 was a letter written hypothetically a year from now.



  16.  #16Darling Ella on January 1, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Thank u Dorothea…well, that’s a “Duh”…kinda moment …

    Wow…very nicely done 🙂 It seemed so real to me 🙂



  17.  #17Dorothea on January 1, 2011 at 10:53 am

    wasn’t it so nicely done!? i read it and felt hot in the face. in a good way! like finding the most amazing black and white leather pumps. ohh i love that feeling.



  18.  #18marina on January 1, 2011 at 10:54 am

    @Darling Ella

    The way I read Ella’s post is:
    #8: the way she feels now
    #9: her letter of what happened in 2011 (the letter Rori asks you to write for yourself)

    @Leo
    I like that, that is how I feel about a new year too! 🙂
    Actually, I am happy there is a new year, new chances, new opportunities, new adventures!!!!

    And I look back at the ‘old’ years with gratitude, they have brought me here and will bring me to my happily ever after 😀

    XX, Marina



  19.  #19marina on January 1, 2011 at 10:55 am

    @Ella
    #9 thanks for sharing your 2011 😀



  20.  #20Lisa P. on January 1, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Happy New Year Ladies !!!!!
    Hi Rori, I hope in your holiday celebrations ..busy as they are, you treated yourself to “some me time”.
    Rori… I like to “end” the year and “welcome the new year”
    in a personal celebration. Every year on New Years Eve I celebrate by taking some me time. I tell everyone that it’s my annual new years bath(lol) and DONT KNOCK!
    I prepare my bathroom (after I 1st cleanse it perfectly;))
    I put scented candles,I put up white lights,”A NEW Bath,Wash&Hand Towel”( something pretty,different,anything that makes you”feel”lovely”.Or your “favorite towel’s” that you already have cleansed&softened can be used.) Then I put my favorite lotion,body wash in a basket lined with Xmas tissue paper(I love the green&white with the gold swirls). I prepare my bath ,turn on my meditation music(I’ve also used Nature Sounds)I place clean&soft bathrobe and slippers, OH!!! Don’t forget your pedicure essential’s.. And “Your Favorite Beverage”;•}
    Then….. “I re-Enter My Sanctuary” . Now while I’m relaxing
    I bathe,massage my feet&legs… etc..And Heres The IMPORTANT Part, While I am in my “Ritual Bath” “I Am focusing by,”Listening,to the gentle sounds,the soothing smells,the flickering of the candles & the glistening of the white lights as they alternate”.These things Represent The Past,Present&Hope for The New Year.The “Senses I receive are of Calm,Hopeful,&Joyful( ,I Am In My Goddess Meditation Stage!) This Is When I REFLECT,Dream..&Celebrate ME In *The NEW YEAR”.(The NEW Opportunities,New Experiences…”A WHOLE BRAND NEW YEAR” .;•) How Exciting! * The PRESENT TIME( “I Am Becoming NEW.Preparing Myself As An Offering for The New Year. IAm Worthy & Deserving of Joy and I Am Feeling Complete Bliss! “I” AM THE QUEEN of “MY” NEW YEAR.
    Also in “the present”… I AM Washing The Past Year Negativity’s AwaY”. And I Am Saying Good by to this year,so I Can Welcome “A Brite Sparkly Filled With Hope New Year”.
    So, that’s it Rori ! My Goddess Holiday Ritual is “A New Year Celebration Bath”. (lol !!!!). ;•}



  21.  #21marina on January 1, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Let’s get the world infected

    SMILE

    Smiling is infectuous, you catch it like the flu

    When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too

    I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin,

    When he started smiling, I realized I’d passed it on to him…

    So if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it indetected,

    Let’s start an epidemic quick and get the world infected! 😀



  22.  #22Lisa P. on January 1, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Happy New Year Ladies !!!!!
    Hi Rori, I hope in your holiday celebrations ..busy as they are, you treated yourself to “some me time”.
    Rori… I like to “end” the year and “welcome the new year”
    in a personal celebration. Every year on New Years Eve I celebrate by taking some me time. I tell everyone that it’s my annual new years bath(lol) and DONT KNOCK!
    I prepare my bathroom (after I 1st cleanse it perfectly;))
    I put scented candles,I put up white lights,”A NEW Bath,Wash&Hand Towel”( something pretty,different,anything that makes you”feel”lovely”.Or your “favorite towel’s” that you already have cleansed&softened can be used.) Then I put my favorite lotion,body wash in a basket lined with Xmas tissue paper(I love the green&white with the gold swirls). I prepare my bath ,turn on my meditation music(I’ve also used Nature Sounds)I place clean&soft bathrobe and slippers, OH!!! Don’t forget your pedicure essential’s.. And “Your Favorite Beverage”;•}
    Then….. “I re-Enter My Sanctuary” . Now while I’m relaxing
    I bathe,massage my feet&legs… etc..And Heres The IMPORTANT Part, While I am in my “Ritual Bath” “I Am focusing by,”Listening,to the gentle sounds,the soothing smells,the flickering of the candles & the glistening of the white lights as they alternate”.These things Represent The Past,Present&Hope for The New Year.The “Senses I receive are of Calm,Hopeful,&Joyful( ,I Am In My Goddess Meditation Stage!) This Is When I REFLECT,Dream..&Celebrate ME In *The NEW YEAR”.(The NEW Opportunities,New Experiences…”A WHOLE BRAND NEW YEAR” .;•) How Exciting! * The PRESENT TIME( “I Am Becoming NEW.Preparing Myself As An Offering for The New Year. IAm Worthy & Deserving of Joy and I Am Feeling Complete Bliss! “I” AM THE QUEEN of “MY” NEW YEAR.
    Also in “the present”… I AM Washing The Past Year Negativity’s AwaY”. And I Am Saying Good by to this year,so I Can Welcome “A Brite Sparkly Filled With Hope New Year”.
    So, that’s it Rori ! My Goddess Holiday Ritual is “A New Year Celebration Bath”. (lol !!!!). ;•} Ps. Not to mention,”it’s inexpensive celebration that makes your mind body &soul feel great! “Happy New Year”.



  23.  #23LonePlum on January 1, 2011 at 11:07 am

    January 1st 2011

    *
    I intend to feel all the way to my bones that it is stupid to keep the path I have chosen
    I intend to stop being stubborn, so attached to a path that leads NOT to my dream.
    I intend to allow myself to change paths until I find the one that takes me to my goal.

    January 1st 2012

    +Hey, Gorgeous Me, how u doin’?

    *I feel great, can’t you see?

    +Yeah, you do look taller! What’ve you been having?

    *Love 🙂

    +huh? You mean there was actually a man in your desert island?

    *Oh yeah, and children, and family and friends and joy and money and everything.

    I woke up, one good day of January 2011, and put up that web site I had in mind and people started clicking on it, paying to get access and the ride of life started off
    I have been having fun since then
    I feel free to do the job I have always found fun to do and I get around 5000 euros a month
    I don’t feel scared to be judged “non honest”. I don’t give a damn any more.
    I feel satisfied by the satisfaction of my clients. I know they unlogg feeling so much better and with a better perspective.
    The mistrustful looks of those who don’t believe in my art do not move my mood.
    I trust my art and I trust the people who come to me.

    +Did you marry one of your clients?

    *Nope 🙂

    I became taller, as you said
    He saw me among the other women

    When I walk, I swing my hips, I enjoy putting one foot in front of the other, and my eyes look ahead of me, they smile.
    Each of my step is like a bite into life.
    People turn towards me, they want to bite into life with me.
    I look back at them, and we smile.
    Some times we giggled for a second and we keep on our ways.

    This man giggled with me and changed his direction. He came walking to me and we kept walking side by side

    We talked while we were walking and it was easy.
    We exchanged joy. It felt evident.

    Within months, we were married and he is like a father to my daughter.
    She is mesmerized and I feel her stronger since she met him.
    We have adopted a boy and are about to adopt a girl soon.

    +Wow, and how is your husband?

    *He feels good, he feels right.
    I feel turned on ever since I met him.
    I feel loved and protected, and admired and approved and trusted and taken in account and relied on.
    I feel in love.
    I am myself with him, he gets me, he knows beyond words.
    I feel strength and openness and fun with him.
    He looks like Antonio Banderas and Dr House

    +ha ha ha
    That must be something really special to look at
    lol
    Super hyper genial luck, you did find the one and only

    *I told him I would not like to move in with a man and then have to move out within a couple of years.

    He bought a house to my name and we moved in.
    You know, he is a pragmatic man. No problems, only solutions
    The problems exist when the decision to love is not made
    Once you decide to be in love with the person who decides to be in love with you, everything is doingable.

    +Doinga what?

    *Ha ha ha
    DOINGABLE DOINGABLE DOINGABLE

    I allowed my life to be livable
    I became taller for myself, which allows my lover to recognize me from far in the multitude
    I allowed love to recognize me
    I accepted love
    I felt love
    REAL love, with companionship, in the same house, paid by my husband.
    No wishy washy half and half.

    I had stopped hoping to meet a complete man in this part of the world.
    I really had stopped hoping.
    I can’t feel respect and admiration when I pay for my common life with a man.
    It turns me off, when I have to go on paying as if I was single.
    It feels like I am sharing my life with a girl friend, not a man.
    Why would I move in with a man who makes me feel he is a girl?
    I might as well share my life with a real girl.
    lol

    There I was, in 2010, thinking there are no more complete men.
    Until I made more money for myself and it attracted the type of man who are not bothered with money

    Had to be
    Lol
    Raggedy Ann attracts Raggedy Andy
    I became can-do-Ann and my can-do-Andy showed up

    My husband is a complete man, he does not need me to help him pay.
    He does not need me requesting anything either.
    His heart knows what to do and wants to do it.
    He enjoys doing it.
    I respect him for that. It turns me on.
    I enjoy my husband’s protection. It makes me feel cherished and feminine.
    And I am not afraid to lose my husband’s protection.
    Because I also feel protected by myself.
    I blossom in my new professional activity.

    I feel free and powerful in my life.
    I feel complete.

    +Wow, wonderful!
    Here for an even more powerful life in 2012 🙂

    *And to even more happiness
    We expect to adopt a girl, remember? 🙂

    + and *
    Bonne Année. Bonne Santé
    Feliz Año Nuevo
    Happy New year

    xxx



  24.  #24snowqueen on January 1, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Ouch my head hurts!!!!!!!!! I have the mother of all hangovers and I love it. I saw the New Year in with my man who loves me but is afraid of me and afraid of having a relationship with me. Silly billy. And I am fine with that because if he doesn’t have the b****s to be with me then he’s not the One for me. But for yesterday he was the perfect companion because he is so safe – he would never let anything bad happen to me. And yesterday I needed to let my hair down and get totally plastered and out of control (long story about what happened to me this year … details irrelevant) which was easy because I hardly drink normally. Two bottles of champagne later and I just started arguing with him like a dog with a bone (I never do this normally, I am responsible and gracious 99% of the time). hehehe I love myself, truly wasn’t worried what he would think of me because in that moment it was what I wanted and needed to do. I was smiling and laughing tho – not a proper mean argument or anything – and he’s giving as good as he’s getting. Then we have crazy drunken sex like crazy drunken adults do. In the morning we smile at each other (till I feel my head – OUCH!!) and I know he will leave and he knows that I will let him go because if he can’t step up then he’s not the One for me. Maybe he will find his courage this year, maybe he won’t. I won’t be hanging around to find out. Wherever we go people think we’re married – that’s never happened to me before even with my two husbands! We sleep together like lovers – comfortable, always touching. He has seen my best and my worst and still loves me. We have such fun together, laughing most of the time. Maybe that is what scares him. It scares me too truth be told. I don’t know if I would want to stay with him forever anyway so I am just letting the universe decide what it wants while I have fun.

    I have a date tomorrow – a lovely looking man from an online site – we had a fun phone conversation and we’re going for a walk in the country tomorrow morning. I feel a bit nervous but mostly I feel happy that I have the confidence to CD now and not feel guilty. I’m sad about my man who can’t find his courage but I’m never ‘waiting’ again. I’m too old! We have said if we’re both single on New Year’s Eve next year we’ll spend it together but I don’t intend to be.

    Happy New Year!



  25.  #25Karen on January 1, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    How do you get to know a very shy and unsure man?



  26.  #26Ella on January 1, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Darling Ella,

    Yes 9 is my future letter that Rori suggests we can write. This is what I intend for 2011.

    The other posts are about how I am feeling now.

    And actually writing the letter is helping me to feel better now. It makes me see that I can create my future any way I want!

    xoxoxo



  27.  #27Jennifer on January 1, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    subscribing



  28.  #28Daria on January 1, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Wow I love these future letters! I’m crying reading them.



  29.  #29malaikah on January 1, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    Dear Rori,

    This has been an incredible year- an absolute whirlwind. A year from now, this would’ve been the stuff of dreams!

    I still cant believe the stage I’m at right now. I actually dreamt I’d be accepted into the university of my choice, dreamt I’d be in a loving relationship, dreamt I’d feel HAPPY, and I am! Everytime I walk out the door, I’m subconsciously smiling, I can’t help it!

    *** Uni is the perfect place to be studying at. I get on with all in my year, which I expected, but the people I’ve befriended and who I’ve become close to are such gentille spirits, and so beautiful inside and out; I feel I learn from them everyday. Their energies calm me and reinforce that feeling of content. I look forward to going in and studying everyday!

    As for my guy? Being around him feels oh-so good. When we meet eachother, I see his face when he spots me; it glows. It lights up. And I cause that! He tells me that “everything, no matter how grim; how worrying, seems just fine when I’m there”! I just feel so loved. When he holds me, it feels right. I feel so cherished and so safe, I want to sing.

    And the thing is, he’s really protective of me. I feel his arm tighten around me when we walk together, the way he leaves no space between us when he feels other men looking at me. He’s told me that “I’m too beautiful for my own good”, but the more delightful feeling is that I see it and believe it myself. He texts me at random times just to let me know that he’s thinking of me. A few weeks ago, he told me he loved me. I was mindblown. I cried when he said that, I felt so overwhelmed, but just so utterly happy! He even talked to me about the “right” way of dong things. That he knew my parents were looking for someone for me to marry; that he felt it was the right time for us to sit down and talk to both his and my parents about us getting engaged, marriage at a later date. He felt it was important to get their aproval, that it mattered a lot to him… I felt touched, taken care of. I was shining from the inside out!

    I look in the mirror, and I see this goddess- she’s so self assured and gorgeous, perfectly at ease with things. And then I realise it’s me! Me me me!

    I’ve come such a long way with Rori’s tools; buying Modern Siren and listening to it over and over again has helped to remind me constantly of leaning back, not overfunctioning. I feel zen.

    My body is back down to what it was when I first started University. I still love food, but it feels like… now that I have the real deal, I don’t rely on food to give me those endorphins! I find that wholesome food makes feel good about myself. My bust is smaller than it ever has been, and my Mum is relieved. She says I look younger. I still feel like under scrutiny from her, but I know it’s because she loves me. I still only go home every two weeks, but things between the two of us are much better. I think because I’m actually studying something I enjoy, I’m full of things to talk about with her. I hate keeping ***** from her, though… But soon 🙂

    And not to mention that I paid my Dad all of his money back! Every single penny. he doesn’t have to worry about me financially, now. Plus I’ve saved up enough for my third year at university, so I won’t have to worry about either.

    God, I really have come a long way. I’m thankful to Rori, because I’ve never felt so good being true to myself. And ofcourse God: the fact that you love me so, so much. In fact more than I can even fathom (!) gives me so much hope. I do love you. Thankyou for ensuring I rediscovered my self worth.

    This Siren is full of so much love, she’s bursting! Can’t wait to see what 2012 brings!



  30.  #30Daria on January 1, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    I have healed all my hurts and my pains. I feel 100 % alive.

    I feel effortless and smile to noyice that I feel safe to speak whay I want fir tge nect year



  31.  #31Daria on January 1, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    I feel safe and magical to feel turned on

    U feel invincible!

    I feel safe to share myself autgentuxally with my family abd with the wirld.

    I feel loved by reality.



  32.  #32Daria on January 1, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    I am so ennnjoyung life right now. I believe in myself so I can choose to think something abd makeit part of my experience.

    Alms what even more exciting and delightful is wat my ummger mind comes up with making every day part if am adventure ang each day connected to the next



  33.  #33LonePlum on January 1, 2011 at 4:10 pm


  34.  #34LonePlum on January 1, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    mcgirlygirl 142

    I gave you a link to Rory’s posts, but it got stuck in moderation.
    So, here I paste the text about « frienship »

    Coach Rori Raye
    Relationship Advice for Women – Don’t be His Friend!

    Here’s a letter from “Mary,” who’s struggling with a man who’s just told her he feels like they’re “friends”:

    Rori, I need some major advice.
    I have been seeing this guy for 4 months.
    We go out together, we go to eat, we talk everyday all day while he at work, but, now all the sudden he says he looks at as if I was, just a friend and not someone to be in a relationship with.

    So what do I do after putting all this time and effort into him? He knows that I’m in love with him. Thank you, Mary
    *******************************

    Dear Mary,

    Mary, this is not over yet!

    This is going to be the most intense learning experience with a man you’ve ever had, because now you have my Tools to practice with.
    Please look at this as your opportunity to change your love life- right here, right now.

    I can hear your pain and frustration, and though I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation, I know from my own experience and the success of my clients that if you try the Tools you’ll feel better.

    First, Please promise yourself you will never again become exclusive with ANY man until he fully commits to you.
    That means you date other men up until he proposes.
    You don’t sleep with anyone else, but you go on coffee dates, lunch dates, out for fun, etc.
    This will keep you sane and feeling balanced.
    It will keep your self-esteem up, because you will be able to practice RECEIVING attention and affection from other men.

    You’ll be able to Feel Good just by noticing men everywhere being interested in you.
    The moment you shut the “Flirty” part of you down (let’s call that part “Flirty Girl”), your man can feel it.
    And when he feels that you’ve shut down that part of you that attracts other men to you, you shift the Energy Exchange between you in a way that pretty much PUSHES HIM AWAY.
    I know that sounds weird.

    You’d think he’d be HAPPY that you’re now all content with him and focused on him.
    You’d think he’d feel relaxed now, and able to trust you.
    But that’s just not how it works.
    Trust comes from a deeper place that has to do with YOUR VULNERABILITY.
    It has absolutely nothing to do with you shutting your sexy, flirty self down out in the world.

    So, this is good news!

    If you’ve been thinking that he’ll trust you more if you shut yourself down out there, you’ve been making a mistake that you can quickly change – and truly help yourself!

    What actually happens is this: The moment he becomes your “one and only,” without his asking you (and remember – this is important – he has to ask you NOT in a “boyfriend” sort of way, but in a “wedding ring” way), he feels pressured.

    And as he feels pressured, all your insecurities and old patterns start to fight against your common sense.
    He almost instantly starts to move backward, away from you.
    And that kicks in your inner nasty voices and feelings of need and desperation, and so you automatically (if you’re anything like I was and like most of us women are instinctively), you feel compelled to move toward him.

    That looks like Leaning Forward when you’re talking to him, paying way too much attention to how he feels and what he’s doing, and trying to manage to see him and talk to him as much as possible.
    And he can FEEL all this.
    And it just sends him away.

    It sends him to the Land of “Just Friends.”

    So what you do now is Backtrack.
    There are so many things to stop doing and to begin doing that will shift the Energy Exchange back to where it needs to be to reconnect with a man once he’s made the “friends” speech.
    You’ll find it all in my book and Toolkit – but for now, start with bringing back “Flirty Girl” and opening yourself to all the wonderful men there are out there.

    Even if you don’t feel ready to actually go out with them, just thinking about it, and taking baby steps toward allowing them to talk with you and connect with you, will help you tremendously.
    Your man will notice the difference in you.

    This is the absolutely first step in what I call BRIDGING – which is my word for a new way of “dating.”
    Bridging is how you cross the Bridge from an Imaginary Relationship to a Real Relationship.
    And the first and easiest way to Bridge is to keep all your options open all the time.
    That means continuing to allow other men to talk with you, get your phone number and email address, and SPEND FUN TIME with you.

    The reason for keeping your options open and “dating” other men is NOT to protect yourself, or make him jealous, or to find another man.
    The reason for “dating” other men is for YOU.
    So you can practice my Tools as much as possible, on real men.
    So you can learn to have fun, start using Feeling Messages, practice my Sensual Meditation in PUBLIC, and feel more comfortable in your own skin in the presence of men.

    This practicing with other men will raise your self-esteem and help you so much with the man you’re now focused on.
    And most important – dating other men will take your focus OFF of this man and put it where it belongs – on yourself!
    The only way to see if this man can switch from friendship to romance is to emotionally walk away.

    Tell him he’s right about the “friends” thing.
    Agree with him.
    Step away completely.
    That means no talking, no lunch, no dinner because you have to DATE OTHER MEN and you don’t have so much time in your life for a male friend.
    This is absolutely true.
    Please get my book if you can, it will make all the difference in the world for you.

    My guess is you’ll hear from him quickly, He’ll be chasing you down.
    He’ll be upset that you’re cutting him off.
    Just be calm and say that you re looking for romance and a real relationship, and being friends with him is making it hard for you to move on, and you’ll contact him and be able to be friends later, when you’re with a man who wants the kind of relationship you do.

    Do it with a smile, very casually, no crying, no begging and see what happens.
    After you’ve practiced with other men, using my Feeling Messages and the Leanback and Focusing on Yourself and Loving Yourself Tools, you’ll be ready to talk with him and see him.

    I wish you luck! Love, Rori

    ***********************************************



  35.  #35LonePlum on January 1, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    mcgirlygirl 142

    ***Here’s a letter from “Vanessa,” who’s frustrated with a man who says he’s “not ready for a relationship”:

    Dear Rori,

    I met the guy I am interested in about 4 1/2 months ago, and it has been extremely frustrating.
    I learned that he got a divorce about a year ago and two years ago he lost his older brother to drugs.
    He has qualities that I like, but emotionally he is not ready for a new relationship.

    I just got out of a 9-year relationship myself and perhaps he is afraid I will go back to my ex-boyfriend.
    I feel he likes me, but it is hard to tell; and because I don’t know what he is thinking most of the time I don’t know how to act when I am around him.

    I have been following your advice, I have been taking care of myself.
    I don’t schedule my activities around him, I am trying to get to know myself again, I keep busy everyday: I workout, read, spend time with my friends, meditate; and when I least expect it he is calling me.

    We have not seen each other for about 4 weeks.
    I don’t want him to forget about me, but at the same time I refuse to keep calling him.
    He has told me that he likes me and I can call him anytime, but is not ready for a relationship.
    His ex-wife cheated on him, so has trust issues toward women.
    He has told me that he feels I am different and has shared personal information with me that no one else knows.

    How do I keep him interested in me without me having to do all the work?
    Will he forget about me if I stop calling or seeing him?
    I was going to keep in touch with him, because I know what he has gone through and want him to know that I care about him.
    Do you think is a good idea for me to call him every once in a while?
    Oh and more thing, I told him that I like him and care about him, and that I don’t expect anything from him since I know where he stands emotionally, but I think I freaked him out.

    I immediately reacted and told him, that I felt I was rushing and that I needed to take things slowly as well.
    So, how can I keep him interested in me without me having to contact him, see him, call him?
    Help!!!!
    I really like this man.

    Respectfully, “Vanessa”
    *******************************************

    ***Doesn’t your heart fall just reading “Vanessa’s” letter?

    You and I – and possibly Vanessa, too, know that this is an Imaginary Relationship.
    As much as Vanessa likes him, and as much as it seems he likes her, nothing is happening.
    And we know that it’s the man’s job to make things happen.

    If we take his job away from him, step on his toes by calling and finding ways to see him – we cut off all his feelings for us.
    So I want to start by applauding Vanessa for doing so many things right:
    For taking care of herself and focusing on her own life (and you can see how well it works just by how he’s calling her unexpectedly), and by NOT calling him.

    I know how difficult it can be just to do and not do those things.
    If you’d like to know more about how to focus on your own life and express yourself in a way that a man can not only hear – but that will pull him in like a magnet, go here.
    Let’s get now to some of the mistakes Vanessa is making – mistakes I made many times and perhaps you’re making them right now, too.

    Can you hear where Vanessa talks about HIS PAIN?
    Losing a sibling is a tragedy, and it’s not that I want Vanessa to minimize the experience and grief her man must be feeling, even after 2 years.
    And his divorce may have been painful if it was due to his wife’s cheating.
    And still, none of this has anything to do with his relationship with Vanessa.

    This is all “Making Excuses” for this man and why he isn’t pursuing her the way he should.
    Do you see where she mentions that he’s “shared personal information with her that no one else knows”?
    And his “trust issues”?
    This is one of the most common mistakes most of us women have made at least once.

    We think that being a man’s “friend” through the hard times will cement the relationship and turn it to passion and love in the future.
    But that’s not how it works.
    How many women do you know who put their husbands through college, only to get dumped the moment the men became successful?
    I know several.
    “Friendship Only” is for friends.

    If “Friendship With Romantic Love” is what you want, don’t get caught up in believing the way to “Love” is by being his friend.
    Friends don’t kiss, friends don’t have sex, friends don’t “date,” friends don’t feel that “tingle in your heart” and friends don’t see only each other.

    Things happen in life, and sometimes friendship leads to love – but if you’re counting on that, he’ll feel it and you’ll be disappointed.
    Picture this:
    If WE feel only like friends to a man like Vanessa’s, and that’s all we give to him, and at the same time we go about dating and romancing other men even while we’re being friendly and supportive to this one man – THAT could create a sense of attraction and longing for us in him.

    But the moment we turn toward him with love in our eyes and HE is the one talking about just “being friends,” then being supportive and friendly to this man will not work!
    Here’s the truth in Vanessa’s case:
    A man who had a wife who cheated on him is ATTRACTED to women who cheat!
    I know this sounds awful, but it’s true.
    He may not like the fact that he’s attracted to women who he can’t completely trust, and it might make him angry and heartbroken, but if you act like a true-blue, long-suffering GOOD WOMAN with a man like that, you’ll lose him to a woman who LOOKS like she could cheat!

    Frustrating, isn’t it?

    So, if being a Good Woman, a supportive friend, a good listener, and hearing about HIS problems (like Vanessa is doing) doesn’t work – and in fact PUSHES HIM AWAY – what are you to do?
    Well, here are two ways to deal with this kind of situation:

    1. You could see that this man is not a good bet for a healthy relationship, because you’d constantly have to be creating distance between you, for perhaps a long time, before he’d start missing you enough to feel seriously interested – and then, what about the rest of your lives together?

    What if he’s a man who always needs to be kept off-balance by a woman in order to love her?
    You might decide, based on this, that you’re better off without him, move on and start dating up a storm. Or,

    2. You could take the exact same attitude as in Option #1, yet still date him along with many other men.
    You could stand back, observe him, and let him prove to you he’s worth your time.
    You would stop doing anything that looked like “friendship.”

    This would be things like meeting him, “hanging out” with him, paying for yourself, listening to his sad stories and holding his hand, giving him advice…so many other things you would do for or with your girlfriends that have no place in a love relationship.
    Vanessa’s started doing this by focusing more on herself and refusing to reach out to him by calling.

    You can take it even further.
    The next step would be to completely reverse the energy between you and him.
    This would mean not only NOT CALLING him, but NOT THINKING about him, too! (More on how to do this in other eLetters and the Toolkit.)

    This is where my FEELING MESSAGE Tools like “The Goodnight Talk” will make a difference.
    Instead of only listening to him – YOU share YOUR feelings!
    It’s very easy to be the Good Woman.
    To care about someone and recognize their pain.
    It’s easy because it keeps us from having to be VULNERABLE ourselves.
    And what Vanessa needs to do – RIGHT NOW – is to be Vulnerable around him.

    But not in BIG ways – not in telling him how she feels about HIM or the relationship – but how she feels about her OWN life.
    This means sharing her fun and happy and passion-filled times doing what she loves – this is the TELLING STORIES Tool.
    This means sharing how she’s feeling in the present moment while they’re talking on the phone – again – not about HIM, but about HERSELF.

    Most men will be repelled by a woman sharing her pain about HIM, but will be filled with a desire to join in when we share about LITTLE things – how stopping at a flower shop and being all by yourself in the middle of greenery and roses felt, or how sad the rain made you feel, or how moved you were by a movie you just saw, or a little kid doing something silly or outrageous, or even maddening at the market.
    Sharing how you feel takes the spotlight off of the man.
    And that’s what a REAL man wants.

    Real men do not like the spotlight in a relationship.
    “Little Boy” men do.
    “Little Boys” like their feelings considered first and always.
    They want to know what YOU can do for THEM, and have no interest in doing for you any more than they have to to keep you around.

    Often, a man’s “Little Boy” “issues” disappear when we start expressing our real selves.
    When we become even MORE vulnerable around him. If you’re with a man, like Vanessa’s, who talks about his own feelings a lot and always seems to want you to come to him, you can turn the Energy Exchange around by saying how YOU FEEL even more!
    You can stop coddling his feelings by asking him what he thinks, instead.

    A real man doesn’t want to be coddled.
    A real man wants to be a Prince or a King to your Princess.
    He doesn’t want to be the frog you have to kiss to life – he wants to put the crown on YOUR head!
    So next time you’re tempted to get “sucked in” by all a man’s stories around why he “can’t commit” or “be in a relationship,” don’t believe him.

    He may or may not be lying on purpose, but he’s for sure lying to himself.
    Vanessa must go all the way for herself – dating other men and truly focusing on herself and what feels good to her.
    And you can walk the Rori Raye Bridge to the relationship you want by NOT allowing ANY man to pull you off course.
    You can do this!

    All it takes is to realize that you have choices and options, and that men everywhere want you.
    Even if you’ve never believed it before, believe and act like you are very expensive, highly prized, and possessed of inner strength and outer softness.
    A good, real man will recognize that right off and fight for you. It’s true!

    Let him.

    Love, Rori



  36.  #36Ella on January 1, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    I feel a little sad bc when I was out with Mr Barman last night we bumped into a male friend of mine late in the evening. Well he is just someone I know through mutual friends. Usually he is quite friendly but when I said happy new year to him he said ‘suck my d*ck!’ He said it sorta quietly and I didn’t know how to respond and felt embarressed in front of mr barman and i just walked away.

    But I don’t understand why this guy said that and I feel belittled and embarressed.

    Also felt disapproval from this girl we know (from the same group) who doesn’t understand CD-ing and has been very judgemental of me and dislikes me cus I CD-ed a couple of guys from that group.

    This all felt kinda icky, esp in front of mr barman 🙁

    On the other hand I feel very excited about the new year ahead and new opportunities, and a chance to meet new people, make new friends and continue practicing RR tools!



  37.  #37Coleen on January 1, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Hi, Rori –

    I decided a couple of years ago that the “New Year’s Resolution” thing was a self-imposed guilt tactic.

    So, I went a new direction, and now i take a day or two to pray over what direction I see myself going in the next year…family, dating, finances, anything. Then tak an hour on New Year’s Eve to consider the results once more. Each thing is POSITIVE. E.G., I ask God to help me meet more people, or to find a better job.

    And, guilt-free. Viola!

    last year my big three took place nad I can be thankful rather than remorseful!

    Coleen



  38.  #38Jim on January 2, 2011 at 1:39 am

    31: Ella
    This is just a guess. Maybe rumors are getting out that you are cd’ing, but in the rumors people aren’t seeing that way. Maybe they think the worst and that could be getting you a bad rep. Truth or not, rumors have a way of hurting people.

    After all, the most dangerous weapon in the universe is gossip.

    I really don’t know and hope I am wrong. Sorry that guy said what he did, it was rude.

    Did Mr. Barman hear what the guy said?



  39.  #39Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 2:11 am

    As a single, my New Year’s Eve tradition for about 7 years in a row was to attend the New Year’s Eve Party at my Mom’s retirement community! I yacked it up with the seniors, feeling oh-so-out-of-the-loop with people my own age.

    We watched kid’s films, played board games, sang Auld Lang Syne, told corny jokes, and watched the ball drop in NYC on TV, after too many homemade desserts. And the biggest part of my tradition?

    Every year, I can’t help it, I feel tears form in the corner of my eyes at midnight, as yet another year goes by with no love in my life, no one to kiss at midnight.

    A few years ago both my Mom and I were sick of the senior citizens’ party, and we started going to the party at the community center where I met Ryan. He was there in 2007, too, a year before I started dating him. And I noticed him, feeling attracted.

    This year, I went to a very fun party at Maria’s house, who knows Ryan. Coincidentally, she has a dog named Ryan! LOL! So I joked that he was my date. There were three couples there and all their kids.

    Once again at midnight, I kept my tradition…I couldn’t help it…I had tears in my eyes because, once again, I had no one to kiss, no one but Ryan the dog.

    I am going to write my future letter later. But let me just say this much right now:

    “I am so happy that this year, December 31st, 2011, I kissed Ryan, the man I love, and the tears in my eyes were from joy!”

    I can’t wait to write the rest of my future letter!



  40.  #40Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 2:32 am

    Ryan called me on Thursday evening. Since I was with my Mom, I let it go to voicemail. I called him back about an hour later and left him a voicemail.

    I didn’t hear from him again yet, and I finally sent him this text:

    “Ryan, I feel very disappointed that you never called back, right over a holiday. I felt heavy hearted all New Year’s Ever, even tho I was at a nice party.

    “I don’t deserve that. I was really looking forward to hearing your voice. I don’t like to be disappointed after anticipating a call from you. What do you think?”

    I am tempted to add more…so far I haven’t:

    “Ryan, I just want you to know that I miss you terribly. I don’t want a relationship which consists of an occasional text. It would give me simple joy just to see your face again, and hear your voice, in person. What do you think? ”

    or

    “You’re a true friend and true friends are hard to come by. I don’t understand why my friendship seems so unimportant to you.  I’m feeling tired of thinking about and worrying about you with little feedback from you, to the point where I’m considering whether letting you go completely and permanently wouldn’t serve me better. But I don’t want to do that! I feel weary of being tested, and I’m not even sure that’s what’s going on, but I keep telling myself that because it’s easier than thinking my friendship means less to you than yours does to me.”

    or

    “I’m open to suggestions… :-)”



  41.  #41Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 2:38 am

    I just texted him again:

    “P.S. What I really am trying to say, simply, is that I miss you terribly. You’re a true friend, and true friends are hard to come by. I value time with you.”



  42.  #42Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 2:43 am

    Ella,

    RE: #31 – Ewww, I feel sad reading what that man said to you!



  43.  #43LonePlum on January 2, 2011 at 3:44 am

    Feeling Unloved
    By Tigress Luv, The Break Up Guru
    Part 1
    ^^^^^

    Perhaps one of the most difficult emotions that come after a breakup is the feeling of not being loved
    To sum the emotion up in just two words? 
    Emotional Loneliness.

    Loneliness is a very prominent and DOMINATING emotion after the breakdown of a relationship.
    Why?
    Because for the entire course of the relationship you have placed the majority of your love onto that of another person.
    And now without them in your life you are consumed with feelings of *loneliness*.
    You now have nowhere for your love to go.

    Confused?

    You shouldn’t be because it really is quite simple; contrary to what you may think you are feeling, the feeling of *loneliness* isn’t really about feeling *unloved*, alone, or isolated – it’s about not having someone to give your unconditional love to.
    The fact of the matter is that true loneliness stems from YOU not being unconditionally loving to other people. 

    Although this probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to you right now I’m sure that the more you read this article the more you will understand.
    But just trust in this concept of mine for now, OK? 🙂 …

    …. Loneliness is simply the desire for a deep heart or inner connection with another … one that you feel may be absent in your life right now.
    Read on to learn how to bring yourself to a point where you will feel good being alone without feeling the *loneliness* associated with that of not having a partner.

    Loneliness is the direct result of an unwelcomed or an unwanted solitude from *intimacy*.
    What I mean by this is that one can be in a crowd of people, or at a party of hundreds, and still feel lonely; lonely because they haven’t a loving *connection* to any other person.
    Therefore you can be lonely and not be alone, and you can be *alone* and not feel lonely.

    Loneliness has nothing to do with the company we keep or don’t keep; it has to do with the isolation our souls feel from others and the ache we have to share our love through an intimate and/or loving companionship.
    We can have unbearable – and even sometimes debilitating – feelings of isolation and separateness even when surrounded by people because of our lack of an intimate connection to any of them.

    To compound the feelings of isolation and loneliness after a breakup, you may also have feelings of low self-esteem.

    This is not only because the one you loved has made the conscious decision to not be with you, but also because you may sense a detachment or rejection by the social circle or group of mutual friends that you two may have once shared as a couple.

    This in turn only makes one feel more socially inept, leaving them to feel even more disconnected from outside people and society in general.
    When one feels socially inadequate they subconsciously give off feelings of *non-love* to those around them, which in turn makes THEM very unlovable.
    It’s an escalating no-win situation.

    Like clockwork, the more you are ostracized the more unlovable and lonely you feel and the more your ego and self esteem take a nose dive.
    The more your self esteem crashes the more isolated you make yourself and the more ostracized you will become.

    Loneliness, too, may often result in the inability to be happy and comfortable in a relationship with *self*.
    We may feel unable to love ourselves, or to be content with being alone.
    Those who want to be loved by others but who only give love on conditions of what is in it for them (such as being loved in return) are among the loneliest.

    When you only love to be loved in return you will find that you end up feeling empty and inadequate.
    But when you love  WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS of *rewards* to your self or your ego, you will truly banish your loneliness.

    Later in this article you will learn how to banish loneliness from your life and bring love into it.
    We all need this, whether we admit it or not, as loneliness and social isolation are painful experiences.

    In fact, loneliness can be such a devastating condition that it has often been used as a punishment throughout the ages.
    Parents use it regularly as a form of punishment and a hard-taught lesson in learning to behave in an acceptable way.
    For instance, older children are often *grounded*, denied their phone, internet, television, and/or other sources of social interaction.
    Younger children are sent to their room or to the corner for a *time out* from the other children or from family members.
    As adults, we are ostracized by our social circle should we behave in an unacceptable way, or given the *silent treatment* by our mates should we hurt their feelings or make them angry.
    Prison inmates and POW’s are punished through enforced solitary confinement and social deprivation.

    Some argue that loneliness can strike at any age and may be more of a personality trait or disorder rather than the result of direct circumstances or societal disconnection.

    Of course, I disagree 🙂 unless you have a personality disorder that prevents you from loving others.

    I argue that loneliness is simply the result of a selfish ego…

    Now don’t hate me for saying that…..!
    My thoughts can be out there some times 🙂 so please just hear me out by reading the rest of this article, because…
    ….all in all, I would like to debunk what many believe loneliness is.

    ****************************************************



  44.  #44LonePlum on January 2, 2011 at 3:50 am

    Tigress Luv
    Part 2

    Many naturally believe that loneliness stems from our inability to have another lovingly connect with us on an inner level.

    …. *ahem* says Tigress!

    Because Tigress says that, ironically, just the opposite is true!
     
    Loneliness oftentimes stems from our inability to love outward, and not our inability to feel loved in return. …

    In order to banish this loneliness from our day-to-day lives we must first learn to love others in a non-detached or unattached way.

    Sounds too difficult to learn?
    It’s not.

    Simply bring all those you meet into your heart unconditionally and without letting your ego get in the way.
    Expect nothing in return.
    Expect them not to behave one way or another or to love you in return, but totally accept them and love them as a child of God, a fellow soul on this planet, a person who has wisdom and fears, faults and gifts, emotions and apathy.

    Do not love people with your ego; do not love with the emotion or thought of ‘you’, but rather with emotion of them and with genuine care for them.
    Imagine that God lives in all living things and love them for the God that you see in them.

    Do you find this difficult to do?
    Do you find that you dislike certain people?
    Do you find yourself *SHY* or uncomfortable around others?
    If you do, you suffer from the burden of ego.
    You must learn to love without ego.

    As I have spoken of before, we tend to not like people who we feel do not like us.
    You can easily banish this by simply loving them without expectations of them liking or loving you in return.
    To do this you REMOVE YOUR EGO FROM YOUR HEART. 

    Try it!

    Even with people you may feel you dislike, or even *hate* for that matter (remember, too, that I have referred to *hate* in a previous newsletter as that of just plain ol’ *love in pain*).

    Now you may say, “But I truly do love my friends, I do love my family” … etc., but do you do it without expectations.
    Do *YOU* come into the mix when you give of your love to others?

    See, most people place subconscious conditions and restrictions on their love. 
    “If you love me, behave this way, or treat me this way I will then love you…if you don’t I will pull my love back from you.” 

    ***When we pull our love back we, in turn, feel unloved ourselves. ***

    In one of Deepak Chopra books (I believe it is ‘The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing’) he teaches us to love everyone unconditionally – as imperfect as they are and regardless of what they give to you in return.
    He believes that when you love outwardly, love is returned to you ten fold.

    I once knew a man named Dave that followed this very rule.
    And guess what?
    He is loved by others beyond belief – all because he places no conditions on his love.
    He’ll just meet you and instantly he will spiritually allow you into his heart without saying a word … and people ‘sense’ this and before you know it people are drawn to him because they subconsciously feel ‘loved for who they are’ when they are around him.

    This is an ***attractive trait***, one you can easily master, and one which if you have you will not ever feel lonely again.

    “Loving another person is not separate from loving God. One is a single wave, the other is the ocean.” ~ Deepak Chopra
    Mother Teresa was literally a saint.
    All who knew her (and even many who didn’t know her) loved her.
    Why?
    Because she brought everyone into her heart unconditionally, asking they do nothing return, and asking that they not be in any specific way in return.
    “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” ~ Mother Teresa

    “Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.” ~ Mother Teresa

    Yes, today we are shaping adults out of children that are raised alone.
    With more and more single parent homes, or homes where one or both parents work one or two jobs just to make ends meet, the children are left alone with ‘entertainment’ devises to ‘parent’ them – devises that are task environment and machine environment based, such as the DVD player, the Cartoon Network, Game Boys, PlayStations, Wii’s, Computer Games, all meant to entertain the child and keep them content when they are by themselves for the greater part of the day.
    And as our technology increases, so will our forms of artificial, technological or digital interactions with an ‘alter’ self.

    What we are essentially doing here is raising children to join a new type of society – one where ‘self’ is the only real thing in their lives.
    This creates in inability to love others unconditionally; this creates in inability to love others without their ego in the way.
    Without saying ‘what’s in it for me’, most people today are unable to love or they find themselves incapable of loving unconditionally.
    What we are left with are people who are lonely and isolated, and who may try to create meaningful relationships in the offline world, or even electronically with their ego the driving force.

    ****************************************************



  45.  #45LonePlum on January 2, 2011 at 4:00 am

    Tigress Luv
    Part 3

    Now there has been talk lately about narcissists on FaceBook – well, these are the REAL narcissists that you may find online at FaceBook, or offline in destructive, one-way relationships.
    These are people who feel the loneliest.
    Because they do not know how to love without the need to gain something for themselves in return.
    But, trust me – social networking sites are not all about narcissism! (More on that later!)

    Most people feel the intense need to be liked, loved, and have a huge network of friends.

    They may also falsely believe that they have to be a certain way, or have a certain asset to attract this love.
    What they end up doing is being uncomfortable and feeling awkward in any and every social situation.

    This intensifies their feelings of isolation and loneliness…little do they know that if they were to just take themselves (their ego) out of the equation and ‘feel’ love for others unconditionally and without expectations, that they would, in return, be loved themselves.

    “Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.” ~Mother Teresa

    When I think of people in my life that love unconditionally a few come to my mind right away – and, trust me, these are people who are much loved in return, and who probably never feel loneliness.
    One who comes immediately to my mind is Lisa C. Lisa is one of the most beautiful women I have ever met, and dearly loved by all who know her.
    In fact, Lisa moved away last year, and if she is reading this right now, I hope she knows that we all miss her dearly! 🙂

    People ask me how to be more comfortable with *self* after a breakup.
    In fact, when I asked for suggestions on this week’s newsletter, reader Kim G. suggested the topic “how to find ‘peace’ within yourself”.

    The problem is that for many of you you have never learned how to love yourself through *yourself* … you can only love yourself through other people’s love for you.
    And when you based all your love on just one other person (your ex) – and then lost that person – you were left with not being able to feel love and comfort within just yourself.

    To love yourself and feel comfortable with being alone, you must first learn to love all others unconditionally (this also helps when trying to find forgiveness) and without your ego demanding that they return anything to you at all.

    Jesus said, “Thou Shalt Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself” and the phrase ‘Love thy neighbor as THYSELF’ appears twice in the Bible.
    This is the true path to banishing loneliness; the more you love, accept, care for, and embrace others unconditionally , the more you receive love of thyself and for thyself.

    Remember at the beginning of this article I said “…without them in your life you are consumed with feelings of *loneliness*.
    You now have nowhere for your love to go.”

    ***Trust me when I say that loneliness is more a rebound emotion of not loving, than it is of not being loved. ****

    Most people falsely believe that they are lonely because they are not being loved by another, when in reality just the opposite is usually true…they are lonely because they are not giving out their love to another.

    They say that unreciprocated love is the most painful, but wouldn’t that mean that the bearer of that love has placed ‘conditions’ on their love?
    The condition being that they are loved in return?
    Unconditional love shouldn’t hurt as it is not about self or ego; it doesn’t expect or demand anything in return.

    So the true way to banishing feelings of loneliness and to find comfort in being with yourself is to love others unconditionally without thought or foresight to what is in it for you.

    Trust me, once you forget about *you* and just take everyone into your heart, you will see how very loved you will be and how very comfortable with self you will become.

    Pets and religion can counteract loneliness, too; so can a deeper connection with your God or your spirituality.
    Sometimes one must just lie down, open up their mind and allow God to do some spiritual surgery on their soul.

    Joining some social network sites online (such as our very own Lifted Hearts Community!) can also help ward off feelings of loneliness after a breakup.

    However, lately I have heard the statement WAAAAAYYY too much that people who join online social networking sites are all merely narcissists.
    BUNK! RUBBISH! HOGWASH! Or ‘POPPYCOCK’ (as The Fonz would say)!!!

    Belonging to a social network of friends online doesn’t make you a narcissist anymore than wearing underwear makes you a Victoria’s Secret model!
    Yes, there are narcissists on FaceBook (my ex, for one *wink*) and other communities, too … and yes, Victoria’s Secret models do wear underwear, but the connection stops there.
    There are also sociopaths online, and murderers and stalkers and pedophiles…but what’s that have to do with you enjoying an interaction with your like-minded friends on FaceBook?
    Nothing!

    Seriously, there is nothing narcissistic about being connected to your friends and family on FaceBook.
    You see, there are also creeps at your local Wal-Mart, but that doesn’t make you one if you shop there!
    So don’t worry that being on a social network makes one a narcissist.

    I, for one, work out of my home.
    This, basically, gives me zero ‘physical’ interaction with co-workers, clients, customers, fellow commuters, etc.
    I also have health issues which oftentimes keep me pretty much limited to my home a lot more than I would like to be.
    To me interacting online with my friends is the best way to keep connected with them without having to leave work, or risk painful flare-ups when my body isn’t up to socializing in the offline world.
    I have to say, thank God for the Internet!
    And thank God for all of you! 🙂

    Embracing our past *self* can also help banish loneliness.
    Remembering older times can bring a certain nostalgia that the bearer can feel either pleasurably or sadly, but also a way that we can step back into unpleasant realities and compassionately bring ourselves out of burdens of past hurts that we tend to allow to hamper our present day happiness.
    It also allows us to ‘reconnect’ with our love for other people in our life.
    Being nostalgic can be bittersweet… in fact, one of my all-time favorite works of art is ‘Attic Memories’ by Norman Rockwell.
    And I shall leave you with this beauty 🙂
    ****************************************************

    Today’s Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

    “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” ~ Mother Teresa

    “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.” ~ Mother Teresa

    “The success of love is in the loving – it is not in the result of loving.” ~ Mother Teresa

    ****************************************************



  46.  #46Jennifer on January 2, 2011 at 4:22 am

    I’m gonna do some blogging and riffing here girls
    It aint about relationships….but whatever.
    I need a space to blog and rant today and this is it….so feel free to ignore.

    I had a nightmare.
    Cause my aunt has cancer around her spine and it crusher two of her vertebrae.
    I feel like its a fast mover.
    I feel like her time is short.
    I feel so angry with her.
    She had a mastectomy in june. She refused the after care program…they might have caught this.
    My uncle is crying.
    I hate that.
    I dreamed that she died. And B died in a grocery store.
    I dreamed I wandered around a grocery store looking for B.
    Crying. With his brother in law.
    I dreamed his mother wouln’t let me see him.
    I dreamed that made me cry more.
    I feel like crap.
    My back hurts.
    My hips hurt.
    My legs hurt.
    I am supposed to have a date with E tonight and I don’t wanna go.
    I’ll prolly cancel.
    I hate nightmares.
    They never help me process and just upset me in the long run.
    Freakin nightmares.
    This sucks.
    My aunt and uncle have been together since they were 16. NOW what’s he gonna do?
    She won’t have treatment..I can guarantee that.
    I think shes clinically depressed and has been for a long while.
    I feel angry and scared.
    I don’t know what my family will expect from me.
    I’m the only nurse in the family.
    I do the consults
    I don’t know what to tell them.
    I feel terrible.



  47.  #47LonePlum on January 2, 2011 at 4:29 am

    Oopss, part 3 was kept in moderation
    I forgot to delete the word J***.

    I don’t believe myself that any particular person was the son of God, even if there is a lot of wisdom in this man’s words.
    I don’t believe in God in the way the B**ble speaks of it.
    Yet I am OK with people’s references to their God and religion
    I take their vocabulary “God” or “J****” as a handy word, a short cut, to explain a whole theory.
    I take their wisdom and insight of life an I leave the « God » explanation part of their speeches 🙂
    I, myself, sometimes use the vocabulary « God » as a shot cut.

    Anyway, here I paste again part 3
    ****************************************************

    Tigress Luv

    Part 3

    Now there has been talk lately about narcissists on FB – well, these are the REAL narcissists that you may find online at FB, or offline in destructive, one-way relationships.
    These are people who feel the loneliest.
    Because they do not know how to love without the need to gain something for themselves in return.
    But, trust me – social networking sites are not all about narcissism! (More on that later!)

    Most people feel the intense need to be liked, loved, and have a huge network of friends.

    They may also falsely believe that they have to be a certain way, or have a certain asset to attract this love.
    What they end up doing is being uncomfortable and feeling awkward in any and every social situation.

    This intensifies their feelings of isolation and loneliness…little do they know that if they were to just take themselves (their ego) out of the equation and *feel* love for others unconditionally and without expectations, that they would, in return, be loved themselves.

    “Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.” ~Mother Teresa

    When I think of people in my life that love unconditionally a few come to my mind right away – and, trust me, these are people who are much loved in return, and who probably never feel loneliness.
    One who comes immediately to my mind is Lisa C. Lisa is one of the most beautiful women I have ever met, and dearly loved by all who know her.
    In fact, Lisa moved away last year, and if she is reading this right now, I hope she knows that we all miss her dearly! :)))

    People ask me how to be more comfortable with *self* after a breakup.
    In fact, when I asked for suggestions on this week’s newsletter, reader Kim G. suggested the topic “how to find ‘peace’ within yourself”.

    The problem is that for many of you you have never learned how to love yourself through *yourself* … you can only love yourself through other people’s love for you.
    And when you based all your love on just one other person (your ex) – and then lost that person – you were left with not being able to feel love and comfort within just yourself.

    To love yourself and feel comfortable with being alone, you must first learn to love all others unconditionally (this also helps when trying to find forgiveness) and without your ego demanding that they return anything to you at all.

    J**** said, “Thou Shalt Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself” and the phrase ‘Love thy neighbor as THYSELF’ appears twice in the B*ble.

    This is the true path to banishing loneliness; the more you love, accept, care for, and embrace others unconditionally , the more you receive love of thyself and for thyself.

    Remember at the beginning of this article I said “…without them in your life you are consumed with feelings of *loneliness*.
    You now have nowhere for your love to go.”

    ***Trust me when I say that loneliness is more a rebound emotion of not loving, than it is of not being loved. ***

    Most people falsely believe that they are lonely because they are not being loved by another, when in reality just the opposite is usually true…they are lonely because they are not giving out their love to another.

    They say that unreciprocated love is the most painful, but wouldn’t that mean that the bearer of that love has placed *conditions* on their love?
    The condition being that they are loved in return?
    Unconditional love shouldn’t hurt as it is not about self or ego; it doesn’t expect or demand anything in return.

    So the true way to banishing feelings of loneliness and to find comfort in being with yourself is to love others unconditionally without thought or foresight to what is in it for you.

    Trust me, once you forget about *you* and just take everyone into your heart, you will see how very loved you will be and how very comfortable with self you will become.

    Pets and religion can counteract loneliness, too; so can a deeper connection with your God or your spirituality.

    Sometimes one must just lie down, open up their mind and allow God to do some spiritual surgery on their soul.

    Joining some social network sites online (such as our very own Lifted Hearts Community!) can also help ward off feelings of loneliness after a breakup.

    However, lately I have heard the statement WAAAAAYYY too much that people who join online social networking sites are all merely narcissists.
    BUNK! RUBBISH! HOGWASH! Or ‘POPPYCOCK’ (as The Fonz would say)!!!

    Belonging to a social network of friends online doesn’t make you a narcissist anymore than wearing underwear makes you a Victoria’s Secret model!
    Yes, there are narcissists on FB (my ex, for one *wink*) and other communities, too … and yes, Victoria’s Secret models do wear underwear, but the connection stops there.
    There are also sociopaths online, and murderers and stalkers and pedophiles…but what’s that have to do with you enjoying an interaction with your like-minded friends on FB?

    Nothing!

    Seriously, there is nothing narcissistic about being connected to your friends and family on FB.
    You see, there are also creeps at your local Wal-Mart, but that doesn’t make you one if you shop there!
    So don’t worry that being on a social network makes one a narcissist.

    I, for one, work out of my home.
    This, basically, gives me zero ‘physical’ interaction with co-workers, clients, customers, fellow commuters, etc.
    I also have health issues which oftentimes keep me pretty much limited to my home a lot more than I would like to be.
    To me interacting online with my friends is the best way to keep connected with them without having to leave work, or risk painful flare-ups when my body isn’t up to socializing in the offline world.

    I have to say, thank God for the Internet!
    And thank God for all of you! 🙂

    Embracing our past *self* can also help banish loneliness.
    Remembering older times can bring a certain nostalgia that the bearer can feel either pleasurably or sadly, but also a way that we can step back into unpleasant realities and compassionately bring ourselves out of burdens of past hurts that we tend to allow to hamper our present day happiness.

    It also allows us to ‘reconnect’ with our love for other people in our life.
    Being nostalgic can be bittersweet… in fact, one of my all-time favorite works of art is ‘Attic Memories’ by Norman Rockwell.
    And I shall leave you with this beauty 🙂
    **************************************************************
    Today’s Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

    “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” ~ Mother Teresa

    “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.” ~ Mother Teresa

    “The success of love is in the loving – it is not in the result of loving.” ~ Mother Teresa

    ****************************************************



  48.  #48Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2011 at 5:21 am

    A New Year’s video from Dodson and Ross dot com

    “Orgasmic Women for 2011”
    [clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration…]

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gkVyurGBRc

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  49.  #49Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2011 at 5:30 am

    From “Baggage Reclaim”

    “Don’t limit yourself and bank on just one person – it is too much to place everything and your hopes and dreams on just one person – place them on you.”

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  50.  #50LonePlum on January 2, 2011 at 5:52 am

    Jennifer 41

    I feel for you and your family
    I hope your aunt will be confortable as much as can be

    Joël was diagnosed a spot in the lung in July 2010. He died in November 2010
    His older daughter is a nurse.
    She works in a hospital.
    She knew what was happening. But so did we.
    She never gave her opinion, she’d ask him « What did the doc say? How do you feel? »
    She hoped and loved her father like her sister and brother did
    There was nothing else she could do.
    She gave him advices about eating some type of food to rebuilt blood cells etc…and she invited him to sleep over at her home. And she also went to sleep at his home when her work let her do so.
    But so did we all.
    She did nothing as a nurse.
    She gave him what a daughter can give: her love, patience, a bit of work, tolerance and time.
    She cooked for him, her and her sister and their husbands went to cut his wood for the winter.
    They took him to outdoors school activities with his grand children’ class.
    They made him feel taken care of.

    I hope you will feel like going to your date tonight.
    It will be good to celebrate life.
    It makes you stronger for your aunt and uncle.

    xxx



  51.  #51Jeannette on January 2, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Happy New Year sirens! I have been spending time with my fiance just kicking back and enjoyed the new Oprah network on TV. I am thinking about writing a book about my work place. When you get a chance a little feedback would be nice. I work with traumatic brain and spinal cord victims 3 days a week and 2 days ea. week I give relaxation massages at a day spa. There is so much to share….especially when it comes to how different the two environments are if you can imagine. I see human suffering every day and then when I go to my other work place, I see so much self indulgence and I can’t help but to say I believe I have a story to tell. I need to know about privacy acts. I know I have to change the names of individuals for one but there is so much more I need to know before I get started. Does anyone have any advice and or experience that you can share? I am just formulating my thoughts here. Thanks girls.



  52.  #52Ella on January 2, 2011 at 6:37 am

    Jim re 32,

    Yes that could well be what is happening.

    I have done a lot of work on the blog to overcome this fear of being judged and labelled by people and this has caused me to feel fear numerous times.

    However I have come to the place where I am not willing to moderate my behaviour in order to fit in with what other people think I should be doing.

    And I know the truth.

    I still feel fearful of rumours however I will not live my life according to this fear and I continued CD-ing. I did not sleep with any of these men, just dated them, but that is no one else’s business.

    Men may not like it and women may feel jealous but I do not care.

    As regards what that guy said well I am stumped. I saw him last week and he was nice as pie. He is one that has tried to kiss me in the past and I have not allowed it so maybe this has something to do with it.

    Personally I think he is just a bit of a jerk…

    And yes Mr Barman did hear, however I believe he knows me well enough not to pay too much attention.



  53.  #53Ella on January 2, 2011 at 6:45 am

    Oww, I feel fearful now of being judged and labelled! 🙁

    I feel like ‘not a good girl!’

    F8ck that… f8ck that… what good has being a good girl ever got anyone?

    I need to stay strong and stand firm…

    I know me inside.



  54.  #54Wonder Woman on January 2, 2011 at 8:17 am

    31st December 2011

    Dear Rori

    The past year has been such an amazing ride. I intended to transform my life and can say with absolute certainty that I have achieved that.

    In January I enrolled on a baking and cooking course. It was so much fun and my son and I have spent many hours cooking and baking and distributing cakes and biscuits to friends and family and the people we love the most. I have spent so much quality time with my son and he has continued to develop and grow into a loving and confident person. My son and my pets and my home have blossomed and we are a happy troop.

    For the first time my house really feels like my home. I have furnished and designed it so it is functional just for us and makes us happy.

    I spent the first three months of the year working hard to establish a good routine and I got healthy and started exercising everyday. I have looked after myself and stopped picking my skin. My skin, hair and nails are in amazing condition. I am in great shape and love how my body looks and feels. I have ditched the oversized clothes that cover me up and wear feminine clothes that show off my beautiful skin.

    My OCD is long forgotten. I am no longer depressed and my confidence is sky high. I am so grateful to be me. I wouldn’t want to be anyone else or be anything else. I am happy where I am and I know that whatever happens to me is taking me on journey that will lead to better and greater things.

    My finances are in order and I have continued with my studies which has been so much fun. Money is no longer a problem and I have been on holiday abroad for the first time in years. I took my son on holiday on my own and it was a great experience.
    I learned to trust my own judgements and I stopped seeking other people’s approval and opinions. I did what I felt was right and trusted my instincts. If I made a mistake I did not beat myself up about it, I accepted it was a learning experience and picked myself up.

    I finally allowed myself to let go of men who wasted my time. I no longer justified reasons for holding onto imaginary relationships. If men did not call I did not spend time communicating with them I simply let them go. I knew that the universe would deliver me the man of my dreams and boy did it deliver!!

    My beautiful man is everything I ever wanted. He is so handsome and athletic. He has the most amazing chocolate brown eyes and dark hair. He has beautiful lips and he is the most wonderful kisser. When we are together it is the most amazing concoction of electricity and passion. Just being in close proximity to him sets my skin on fire. He smells so nice and when he is close to me he whispers sweet and sexy things to me especially in the most inappropriate places..!! He teases me and makes me laugh. We have so much fun together. He has the same values as me and respects my decisions. He books trips and holidays as surprises for me and gives me gifts and presents just to let me know he is thinking about me. He often tells me I am the most important thing in his life and that his mission in life is to make me happy. He tells me he loves me but we have our own secret way of saying it which makes it even more special. He calls me by the pet name he made up for me and I call him by his. He takes me out and treats me like I am the most precious thing on the earth. He knows exactly how to turn me on and never needs me to tell him what to do. He is so confident in himself and his sexuality and this makes me feel confident in mine. I never feel I have to step into the man role. He is all encompassing in his role and I can stay feminine in mine. Although he loves my body I know that is not the only reason he is with me and that even if my body changes he will still love me just for me and that he will always remain true and faithful to me because he is lucky to have me.

    My son and my man get along so well and we are all so happy.

    I continue to put myself first and I have a great social life outside of my relationship.

    I now find solace and satisfaction in simply being a good mum and not having to justify myself through my career just to feel like I fit in, although I am excited about my work and continue to progress.

    My priorities are just where I want them to be nothing more or less.

    This year has been about ME. I looked after myself and I have reaped the rewards. I trusted that great things would happen and they did. I intend to continue to believe in myself and trust that everything is going to be wonderful…….bring on 2012…!! xx



  55.  #55Jim on January 2, 2011 at 8:58 am

    45 & 46 Ella & BTW Hi Brenda,
    This is very interesting indeed. Reputations, created by misunderstood 3rd parties… also Reputations created by one’s own actions.

    Like I said to a friend… Most people are in prison because they did something illegal, were judged & convicted.

    Out here in the real world… We judge one another all the time and we convict. Most of this is because of our perceptions and also due to the other persons behavior.

    Now… All I’m saying is this can be difficult terrane to navigate in, for sure. I’ve been on the many sides of this myself.

    Credit scores are looking at one’s historical behavior and thus creates a reputation. But they don’t tell everything…

    Bad relationships become “the history” so to speak of 2 people who once cared for one another, they themselves created their own bad credit score, so to speak.

    Live, learn, do better the next time…

    This isn’t to make one feel bad, on the contrary. Once people know what’s going on, they can better prepare themselves for what lay around the corner…

    People talk and what they talk about in most cases is circumstantial. Never the less, they, we, will judge. This isn’t always an ideal world, but it is real.

    Maybe Rori has covered this topic previously? It would indeed be a good subject for a future blog… Though from what I’ve read in her blogs and what most of the commenters have said here and there. The women herein are alive and learning to live with themselves and this world with respect and dignity.

    Brenda & Ella,
    The best of luck to you both in your plights. Then again, you don’t need luck. Everything you need is on your shoulders. Nip this in the bud with a little damage control…

    Brenda,
    HNY!! I sent you an email last night…

    Jim



  56.  #56Dorothea on January 2, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Yay! my period, which usually comes every 35-40 days, came after 44 days. I am so happy to have gotten it because it means my 3 week long pms.

    I changed my diet 99%. I go to acupuncture nearly every week. And my period is getting further and further apart. Why? There is one thing I haven’t done which is exercise. I guess I ought to try that because I noticed it bring on periods before.

    I feel frustrated



  57.  #57Dorothea on January 2, 2011 at 9:00 am

    *because it means my 3 week long pms is over
    talk about processing freaking triggers, dude!



  58.  #58Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 9:21 am

    #44 Jeannette ~ i don’t know where you live but you may want to check into a local writer’s association (or not local). Sometime’s board members of these types of associations will have lawyer’s that gave advice and even do pro bono work. I’ve done it through a musician’s association.



  59.  #59Jilly on January 2, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Goodmorning Sirens 🙂

    I’m feeling a little triggered by my roommate…she’s having men problems and I’ve shared with her my Rori tools and how awesome they are but she is seeing them as “rules and game playing” 🙁 she is a classic overfunctioner-man manager

    I feel sad about that
    I feel frustrated…
    I have the best knowledge in the world 😉 and I feel unheard

    Ive lent her my modern siren, reconnect and the heart connection tool set
    she has so much at her fingertips…

    I do not need to fix or save anybody…I can only share

    Ella…scr$w him! who cares…I feel happy you are doing what you are doing regardless of what anybody else thinks! 🙂



  60.  #60Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Mornin’ ladies! I’m not going to write a future letter…because I’ve had the “shift.” i’m not merely theorizing about what it takes to have the relationship i want…i had the A HA moment that changed me and now i CD, have fun and may the best man win! i do still love the music guy but that’s too much pressure to put on one man that isn’t totally ready…



  61.  #61Jilly on January 2, 2011 at 9:32 am

    Jim are you trying to trigger Ella?

    It feels weird to read “information” that’s kinda random being applied towards a siren…

    I’m feeling irritated…wtf



  62.  #62Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 9:43 am

    48: @ Jim ~ the “real world” that sounds like ego talk LOL



  63.  #63Dorothea on January 2, 2011 at 9:45 am

    jilly
    the way we approach romance and dating is VERY triggering to women still in the overfunctioning paradigm.

    i even lost a friend over it.

    my best friend thinks i’m slutty and selfish hehehe. but she’s my best friend and she accepts it anyway <3

    my guy friends think i am a "bad woman"

    my dates groan about it whenever it comes up but they're still calling me to go out every week:P

    Someone just said in this thread that men don't like it and women are jealous of it.

    I think that is so true.

    The advice i give Non Rori women is to lean back. So if they're complaining about their men and what happened, I say, my honest advice is to do nothing. Then when he contacts you, you can tell him how you feel in a very gentle and direct way. Let me know if you want to bounce ideas off of me for what to say.

    When that works for them, and they're like WOW HOW DID THAT WORK? WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT? Then I tell them about it

    but even then, I had one friend tell other people that she was so perplexed by my dating success because i am ugly and stuck up to men too.

    She is a beautiful beautiful girl but has no degree of difficulty or sense of high value.

    Which is why all her boyfriends ended up hitting on me when they got bored with her overfunctioning.

    I still feel a little mad about my friend calling me ugly and stuck up to people because she was jealous. It ended up being the final straw in our friendship and we weren't able to talk through it because she basically said i deserved it.



  64.  #64Jilly on January 2, 2011 at 9:49 am

    yay Soul Sista..I with ya on that…..i feel happy just seeing what happens for the upcoming year

    I had to walk away for a minute..

    I forgot I’m doing the FLIP these days…I did ask for some triggers on the other thread lol…

    I’m feeling all sorts of triggered today so….YES! that means I’m feeling SUPER productive (triggered energy
    =lots of energy) and lots of amazing things are about to happen!!

    that feels better already



  65.  #65Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 9:50 am

    awesome Jilly



  66.  #66Jilly on January 2, 2011 at 9:55 am

    Dorothea..thank you for that! 🙂

    yes…that’s how my situation is right now with my roommate…she doesn’t understand how I can be sleeping with pipeliner (and he comes and stays with us so she knows him) and keep dating other men…these other men are just coffee dates for the most part thats just how it’s working out…

    it is very triggering to her

    that’s a good idea for the initial “advice”
    she spent all new years eve crying over her toxic ex so I felt compelled to share…

    it feels frustrating to be in a spot where you can see how to help but not be able to…

    but maybe that’s where I can lean back too? 🙂



  67.  #67Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Ryan responded to my texts:

    “Now is not a good time for me. I need lots of space right now.”

    What do you think? I feel like screaming. I had thot we were making headway. No head from this stud. LOL!

    I’ve been leaning back and giving him space for a very long time already. When do you come to the place where you give him an ultimatum? I know, time to look out for me. Been trying that, too. And will continue. Just sick of this broken record.



  68.  #68Jim on January 2, 2011 at 10:01 am

    54: Jilly,
    No, if I do? My apologies. But then again, if “trigger” means to inspire her to look for avenues on how better to handle, what my be an up and coming situation(s). Then, in that regard? Absolutely.

    55: Soul Sista,
    Hi SS! Ok, lets say it’s ego talk. Now that we’re there, I feel like this gal is inadvertently traveling into an area where damage could be done to her. So, as best as possible, let’s avert some damage, give her ways to deal with it.

    BTW SS, I’ve read some of your posts. Indeed my heart goes out to you too. I’m just saying we live and we learn. Hopefully what we learn and how we act doesn’t leave us withdrawing, rather helps us deal with each of our own personal challenges. Making us more human rather than hard.

    I’m not perfect, no where near. As I read & write herein. I am also learning. Also, I have been called pretentious and controlling. These are areas where I need to learn better diplomacy and tact, concern for others feelings and their well being.

    Once I see an issue? I say, lets deal with it head on for everyone’s benefit for the better. I’m finding my way just like everyone else here and on this planet.

    The, “real world,” is in effect the place where real things happen, from us and to us.

    Nice to meet you Soul Sista,
    Jim



  69.  #69Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 10:04 am

    no worries Jim…just remember…you are on Siren island. you crash your boat here we will have our way with you…



  70.  #70Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 10:18 am

    i can hear the faint voice of my ego crying “you did it wrong! you weren’t supposed to say THAT to him (music man). now he’s going to think you don’t want him anymore and you will never have a chance with him again!” i’m chuckling…the voice is fading….



  71.  #71Luzydel on January 2, 2011 at 10:21 am

    After the disappointment with “P” in October 2010, I found this blog and starting reading the e-book and CDing and reading RR’s blogs. I went on Five dates form online dating sites. Five different guys who were very nice and brought hope back to me again.

    Did not have a second date with either of them (yet), but I am not focused in the outcome, it is flattering to know some men find me interesting and beautiful to ask me out. I have not call “P” at all and as time passes he is no longer important. I am growing inside and peeling off different layers I did not know I had.

    I intend to be open to meet men, not being Judgemental towards men, to no expect anything from them and be ready and open when they want to give me.

    I intend to love myself, to put my life in order, to take care of my needs to be happy, and to make sure that no matter what, I will be fine.

    I intend to receive love from the right man when he comes along. To let him love me, accept me and treat me the way I deserve.

    Not going to write a letter, I will let the universe surprise me. 🙂



  72.  #72Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2011 at 10:22 am

    51: Soul Sista says:

    “…you may want to check into a local writer’s association (or not local). Sometime’s board members of these types of associations will have lawyer’s that gave advice and even do pro bono work. I’ve done it through a musician’s association…”

    Hi Soul Sista. Good idea.

    You might also keep in mind “Writer’s Digest” magazine. I’ve been reading it since way back in the 1970s in pre-Internet days! “Writer’s Digest” is also now online and is a great resource for wordsmiths of all types.

    Pre-pros will find a lot of help here. There are also annual and semi-annual special issues as well as a book club featuring writers aids kinds of books.

    http://www.writersdigest.com/GeneralMenu/

    I like hard copies so get mine from the newsstand (you can also subscribe). Check your local public library for bound back issues.

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  73.  #73Jim on January 2, 2011 at 10:24 am

    62: SS,

    lol! Soooo, what does that mean? Will I be invited to dinner or be dinner??

    60: Brenda,

    Remember, the one that cares the least has the most power. We don’t give power (our hearts) to those that are going to mishandle them are we??

    BTW, Hi again,
    Jim



  74.  #74Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 10:27 am

    @jim ~ it means…attend dinner at your own peril…if you think you can sway our graces we may allow you amnesty…for our own amusement, of course 🙂



  75.  #75Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 10:33 am

    Jim,

    Hi! You are right. I thought that was funny that Soul Sista said if you crash your boat on our island, we will have our way with you! LOLOLOL!

    Thank you for your email. Sorry I haven’t answered it yet. Been busy banging my head against the wall over Ryan.

    So is it time to give him an ultimatum??? Words I could also send him:

    True friends, or people who really do care for you, do not create endless tests for you to pass, endless hoops for you to jump through, do not find ways to see if you hurt or not; and do not make vengeance a constant, everyday, attitude and behavior. Real friends, or people who really do care for you, also do not insist on constant and total control over you, in thought, word and deed; in every way, in every situation, without fail. In my opinion, anyone and everyone can be controlling to one degree or another; but this is something that you work on together, and find a balance, unless it is over the edge. If it is over the edge, you can do nothing about it.

    True friends worry when they haven’t heard from you, in even a short period of time.
    True friends would never try to hurt you, and would try to keep anyone else from hurting you.
    True friends look for the best in you, and focus on that.
    True friends tell you the truth, even if it hurts, or angers you; or them.
    True friends openly enjoy your company, and seek it out.
    True friends admit how they feel about you; not hide it, or use it now and then to throw you a bone, so you will do tricks.

    I really thought that, after the apology (for me invading his privacy, etc), which he appeared to accept, that he would resume contact; and even get together with me in person. He called because his father told him I called and was worried about him. His next call was specifically NOT on Christmas Eve or Christmas; and he did not follow through with a callback when he did eventually call. In light of all these things, I really need to find out if there is a possibility of any kind of relationship. There may be, there may not be; but I need to know, and I would need to insist that it be on a healthy set of guidelines, wherein I am not being treated like a starving stray, someone occasionally throws crumbs at. Do you know what I am saying?

    Should I try one last ditch phone call and then try to be the one who cares the least, even tho I love him so much?



  76.  #76Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Now we have two SS’s on the blog.



  77.  #77Soul Sista Shakti on January 2, 2011 at 10:37 am

    there…that is my stage name…i have nothing to hide. i’m very happy to be here 🙂



  78.  #78Jim on January 2, 2011 at 10:40 am

    67: SS

    I wouldn’t have it any other way. lol again!!

    All in all, just be careful out there, have fun, live & love…

    SLV,
    I’m going to run off like a little girl now, but before I do I just wanted to say, Hi.

    Brenda,
    DId you dump me for another?

    Cya this evening ladies,
    Jim



  79.  #79Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 10:40 am

    i changed my blog name to my stage name, Soul Sista Shakti and it’s awaiting moderation. so you can refer me to SSS or Triple S, either or, like the rest of the world…lol



  80.  #80Dorothea on January 2, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Brenda, I see your ryan situation maybe a little differently than you do. The way I see it, you haven’t been leaning back or giving him space. You definitely leaned forward enough that it overpowered most of the leaning back you WERE doing. I don’t think an ultimatum is in order. I think you should lean back and leave him alone. Don’t even answer his text. And when he contacts you on his own in the future, you honor your feelings of frustration and rejection not by going to HIM with an ultimatum but by backing away from him to avoid feeling unworthy and unimportant by a man again. You tell him how it feels. And what you don’t want. And you stay in that place and let him come to you if he’s going to fix it.

    What do u think Brenda?



  81.  #81Jilly on January 2, 2011 at 10:45 am

    soooo…Jim….this is one siren feeling triggered

    I feel on guard
    I feel annoyed
    I feel put off

    I dont know how to say this in a feeling message..so I’m going to write it out and work through it…

    Jim why aren’t you working the “tools” and sharing that with us? I hear you giving “advice” to other sirens…where/what is your process?…you said you are here to learn? what are you learning for you that is part of the Rori Raye program?

    i dont need you to inspire me

    I want to learn from your process and feel inspired by that! 🙂

    what do you think?



  82.  #82Laughing Goddess on January 2, 2011 at 10:48 am

    Hi Dorothea. Soy milk may be affecting your periods. It did mine. I think I remember seeing you mention drinking soy milk before. It really really messed with my period. What do you think?



  83.  #83Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Jim,

    No, I am in the process of dumping another for you… 🙂



  84.  #84Jilly on January 2, 2011 at 10:49 am

    ok now for working through with feeling messages..



  85.  #85Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Jilly,

    RE: #73 – Are you joking? He’s a man! He’s, ummm, MY man! Watch how you talk to my man! LOL!



  86.  #86Jilly on January 2, 2011 at 10:50 am

    hmmmm….i don’t want to do feeling messages for this lol



  87.  #87Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Dorothea,

    I have the patience of a saint. I have waited years, literally YEARS, of my life away waiting for men in prison.

    I don’t have that much patience. I am fu*cking human.



  88.  #88Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Dorothea,

    Thank you, BTW. Not expression anger at you. Angry at his mental illness, or demons, if I may be so bold. They’re destroying his life. He is an awessssssommmme human being. He is one of the most intelligent, sensitive men I’ve ever met. And he’s being wasted.



  89.  #89Daria on January 2, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Sitting here next to my girl…i feel mad,at her… When shes drunl dhe complains about her life And I feel unsafe. I feel attavkeddd and left out.

    I eany to love her unconditionally like the article buy I dont eany to too .

    I feel unsafe and closed off



  90.  #90Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 10:55 am

    @brenda ~ i am curious…why are you talking about waiting and not talking about CD’ng? Rori says when you CD you get to see what shows up from a variety of men enjoy and make choices about what you want that way…not on the crumbs of one man. something like that.



  91.  #91Jilly on January 2, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Brenda lol…I just want to give you a big HUG!!! 🙂 I am giving you lottsa love from across the UNITED STATES!!



  92.  #92Dorothea on January 2, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Brenda, he is not holding you there hostage. He is not even asking for your patience. You are keeping yourself there. It’s time to give yourself the ultimatum.

    I hope you’ll share it with us 😀



  93.  #93Daria on January 2, 2011 at 10:59 am

    I feel angry and afraid I feel like I’m picked on and disrespected when shes drunk . And I dont say anything cuz I get caught in the pattern of nre acting cool and hard like it dont affect me



  94.  #94Dorothea on January 2, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Laughing goddess, I switched to soy and rice milk lattes from cow milk about 4 or 5 months ago, and then almost 3 months ago i stopped consuming either of those too.

    i feel stumped. i am going to go to the doctor and request a sonogram or whatever. I feel really scared though because the last time i asked a doctor for one they made me feel stupid and like i was naively trying to take care of myself, and they wouldn’t give me one.



  95.  #95Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Soul Sista Brenda,

    I am CDing. I flirted with Jim…hehehe! And I’m about to meet another man…can’t say his name on here, but it begins with Je and ends with sus! And my main man Jim ain’t too crazy bout Cding so don’t know if I want to tip my whole hand here…hehehe!

    Seriously, I am CDing a lil bit while taking time to figure out Daria’s typing…I mean, while taking time to lose weight and get my life in order.

    I got this problem…Ryan’s got my heart. And I can walk away, but then I am walkin with a big hole in my chest. Not to mention the big hole somewhere else…hehehe, that hasn’t been filled for a looooong time, and I do mean lonng.



  96.  #96Jilly on January 2, 2011 at 11:02 am

    its funny cause I wrote a lot more to Brenda but i erased it cause I don’t want her to feel worse…but it was almost exactly what Soul Sista said…that feels WOW!



  97.  #97Ella on January 2, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Jim,

    I feel wierd / annoyed / judged and ‘told’ what I shold be doing.

    But, I am really glad for the chance to discuss this here.

    Your ideas / protests / misconceptions about CD-ing are some of the most common ones we (Sirens) come across out there in ‘the real world’.

    Luckily I am not doing anything illegal… or even hurtful. What I am doing with CD-ing is honest and respectful to both myself and the men who know me. In fact some of them have refered to me as the most honest woman they have met.

    And actually what I am doing with CD-ing can be very beneficial to people.

    Have you read about CD-ing? I just feel annoyed as it feels like you do not understand it. I could be wrong, you may just have a different persepctive on it…

    I am well aware of what potential ‘gossip’ and rumours can do… and all the potential situations that could cause, this is where the fear comes from.

    But my learning is not to change my behaviour because of the fear, it is to learn to be true to myself and do the behaviour DESPITE the fear, and that is what I have been working with.

    Suggesting that I change my behaviour in terms of CD-ing bc of what others might think and say flies in the face of all Rori’s advice as far as I am aware.

    What is ‘the real world’ anyway… just a bunch of social perceptions and accepted norms, and by no means the best or healthiest way of dong things.

    I feel misunderstood.

    I think that people sometimes mistake me for niave.

    I will deal with people in the real world at face value, and I will not stop CD-ing in case people make certain judegments.

    People who know me will know better… and scr*w the others.

    I want to be free to live my life how I want to.



  98.  #98Ella on January 2, 2011 at 11:12 am

    Jim PS

    I also feel flattered and cared for that you are wanting to take care of me and make sure no harm or horrible situations come to me.

    🙂



  99.  #99LonePlum on January 2, 2011 at 11:15 am

    I feel furious to read about people legally judged and convicted and in jail
    And?…..
    What’s it got to do with Ella?
    Does Ella *deserve* to be judged? AND CONVICTED

    Ella, I am not writing to back you up. You are doing just fine on your own.
    I am writing because I need to.

    One thing is that human beings judge each other constantly.
    The more ignorant, the more judgemental
    The weakest, the more judgemental
    The unhappiest, the more judgemental
    The more control freak, the more judgemental
    The more scared, the more judgemental
    The more impotent, the more judgemental
    Such is life

    One thing also is when well balanced people judge that they prefer to stay away from such and such type of people.
    In such case our judgement is called « preferences » or «  affinities »
    It is everybody’s privilege to have preferences, even when they are stupidly made on external first impressions, assuming what is behind them.
    It is also a proof of short sight, yet it is everybody’s privilege to be short sighted.
    Such is life

    BUT
    It is totally another thing when I *deserve* to be judged and convicted and put in jail in order to protect other’s lives, belongings and to assure social peace and economical blossoming.

    What a woman does with her sexual life can not put a society in danger, or am I overlooking a detail?
    Even if she was sleeping with many men, it still would not be a public concern, a man still has no right to even mention it publicly.
    He would still be minding a private life/freedom.
    His only right would be to stay away from her if he does not approve.

    That “suck my d*ck » man applies his own personal law without any legal permission and interfers publicly into a citizen’s free personal life.

    What that man did is called bullying, he meant to make a woman feel less. It is legally punishable.

    And if he means that the woman sleeps around, it is called defamation of a private person and is also legally punishable.

    ***He is the one who should be judged and convicted.***

    I feel furious to read that there is a **real word** opposed to the story told by Ella or opposed to the Cdating world, whatever.

    I am not going to ask Ella, but I have no doubt she is real, living in our real world and is telling us about real facts and real feelings and real persons within our real world
    Women who Cdate are real.
    We are real
    Smart sensitive men who understand it are real.
    Scared little boys who gradually become strong men and understand Cdating are real.
    Weak men who don’t trust themselves to pursue the woman they want, will always be real as well.
    Everybody is real

    I feel sad that a man does not own his own judgements and preferences
    I feel furious to read that Ella or any person is made responsible for a man’s own judgements.

    We own our feelings and decision to judge and convict outside of the law.
    The other person is never responsible for the way we judge her/him
    We judge according to our OWN need to see the world in a certain shape.
    Some people simply intuitively understand Cdating and others ask question to understand even if they don’t agree, and others even agree.
    It takes all to make a world.

    he he h e
    Looks like all this bullying thing about Cdating comes from people who are afraid that Cdating will underline they are never chosen
    he he he
    Looks like they feel they don’t have what it takes to deserve a woman’s preference
    😉

    Looks like Mr Bully thinks a date means sex.
    Wow does that say a lot about his morals ewwwwkkkkkkkk
    And does that say a LOT about the girls he has been dating so far loooooooool

    It definitively says NOTHING about Ella.

    Mr Bully’s disgusting comment was a judgement about himself
    As always

    His judgement is useful to a siren. It filters him out and saves her time and energy 😉

    xxx



  100.  #100Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Jilly,

    Thanks! I’m at a point where I expect to be blasted here, so I don’t post unless I steel myself. Right now, I’m in fu*ck it mode. That means I don’t care.

    Bottom line is, no matter what I do, or don’t do, it’s not good enough. I can’t walk on egg shells full time without cracking one…or a dozen. So fu*ck it, I’m going to just stomp ’em! No matter how gently I walk, Ryan can’t handle it. Stomp, stomp, stomp! I can’t do this anymore! I feel like I’m holding my breath!

    I need to fu*cking breathe! I feel so frustrated!



  101.  #101Daria on January 2, 2011 at 11:18 am

    I feel angry at the way she seems to folliw and suck my energy at these yimes. It remunds,me of brenda here

    I dont want to alliw myself to be treated bad.. This plays right into my pattern

    I feel confused then paralyzed an d humiliated .. Then I shut down and cover it up cuz its embarrassing.

    The vibe is about subtle bigu language and mumbled words competition.

    W hen i get attentionn I feel re sented and blamed

    ActionsAre like kicking me where I’m sleeping getting between me and a guy physically

    V ibefull of thoughts thst I psychically hear like eff this bitch



  102.  #102Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 11:24 am

    brenda ~ i got really angry and pissed off right before i broke my addiction to him. after i told him i did not want a long distance relationship i started coming back to my senses. now a few days later, i am happier than i have ever been in my whole life. from what you have written about him it sounds like your loyalty to him despite the things you also write about which he needs to deal with to be ready for a relationship, sounds like you are enabling him. i’m not saying you are doing something wrong i’m saying that’s what i perceive.



  103.  #103Daria on January 2, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Bendas fugckit mode where she complains about imaginary future blasting is similar.

    I feel attavkeddd and confused and self doubtful like am I blasting?

    I feel unseen. I feel disrespected I feel afraid top share my own feelings I feel turned against



  104.  #104Luzydel on January 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Now that I am thinking about it, there is one thing that I do not like since I started being here. Men no longer ask me on second dates. Before they did, but now it is weird, Am i leaning backward way too much?

    Some of them send me a txt saying “hello”, but they do not mention the intention of seeing me again. What is going on? Should I switch hats and use my masculine energy to see what happens?



  105.  #105Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 11:32 am

    Daria,

    I don’t feel blasted by you. You have helped me immensely!!! I respect and appreciate your approach! And I am not dissing you here, not at all.

    I am just saying I am emotionally unable to carry out the leaning back thing to its fullest. I have done remarkably well compared to my past overfunctioning here.

    I value and agree with the vast majority of what you advise me. I am just at a very deep level of frustration right now. It has nothing to do with you. It is at myself partially. I am just so hung up on Ryan I don’t even want to date anyone else. I feel frustrated at Ryan and me, no one else.

    I just feel vulnerable when I post. But I’m posting, right? So that means I am willing to feel vulnerable.

    I just can’t lean back and not contact at all. It is driving me nuts. I CAN NOT do it.



  106.  #106Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2011 at 11:34 am

    @70: Jim says:

    “SLV,
    I’m going to run off like a little girl now, but before I do I just wanted to say, Hi.”

    LOL 😆

    Hi, and Happy New Year.

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  107.  #107Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 11:35 am

    @ luzydel ~ i’m not an expert, but i think there may be a little lag time when you are first practicing to experience the momentum. i haven’t even been on a date yet, just flirting on line and not worrying about it.

    @ brenda i wanted to say one other thing that just came to me. when i was an alcoholic, i was not ready for a relationship. i used to be angry that “he” did not help me more during that time but “he” did not want to be my friend…he wanted to marry me. i read somewhere, not sure if it was here or not, that in “sickness and health, til death do us part” (if you believe in the til death part) happens after you say “i do” not before. so, my guy was smart to back off, i say now.



  108.  #108Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 11:40 am

    Soul Sista,

    Right on! Thanks!



  109.  #109Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Daria,

    If you’re in love with someone, really in love, and you haven’t seen them for a year, isn’t it reasonable that you would be missing them and feeling frustrated? I don’t know how all of you do it with leaning back so well. I do all sorts of stuff to distract myself and I’ve gotten much better but wow, I’m human.

    I’ve been working a lot of the tools and with some success. I know leaning back is the way. But I just don’t have this much patience.

    I’ll be aite…



  110.  #110Ella on January 2, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Loneplum re 91

    Wow, what an amazing post.

    I feel energised reading your words!

    xoxox



  111.  #111Leo on January 2, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Oh… I think I just made a baby step in the right direction…:)

    Background info: I know my Man for over 7 years, we were writing a little in this online community. Then 3 years ago (after me not being online for a half a year) we started to write again…and since then… I dont think we had one single day with no contact 😀

    So…i noticed this like 2 minutes ago and send him an IM and he thought it was cute and then… he said “sweetie….the game starts…” (which means he is off IMing).
    And I felt so sentimental in that moment…and he kinda cut me off.
    For a second I let the NVs tell me things like “he aint interested in it” and stuff and I felt so miserable for him leaving…
    But then I told myself: What do I care about him. I enjoyed the memory, felt great to me. And I would have done the same…if I have planned something (to do, watch) i wouldnt let him “ruin” my plans.
    And instead of thinking about this “horrible” feeling as I used to…and listening to the NVs….and sitting there pitying myself, i got up, made some good tea and now I am gonna sit in my comfy bed and read a great book!
    And this feels great!!!

    Not sinking in to those shity feelings, and thinking about it which makes me feel even worse.

    I know…this must sound like little stuff to you.
    But I think I have a trigger there – people not paying attention to me when I mention something that is important to me (my family kinda used to do this when I was little).

    I feel great, and it feels like a great baby step :D:D:D



  112.  #112Jilly on January 2, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Brenda dahling….Soul Sista said it better than I did..

    LonePLum…awesome post!!



  113.  #113Jeannette on January 2, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Thanks soul sista for your idea. I’ll pursue it.



  114.  #114Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 11:57 am

    hey ladies check this out: i’m having a conversation with this guy online i wrote:

    “hi there and Happy New Year. your comment “I date only one gal at a time so its less complicated…” is good to a point, i think.

    i only date several men at a time, it’s less complicated that way 🙂 i think women should do that so they don’t get attached to one guy then it puts all kinds of pressure on the guy. until one of the guys thinks he wants to marry the lady and proposes…then she decides whether to say yes or no. if she says yes, they set a date and she says goodbye to the other men.

    what do you think?”

    and he wrote back:

    “True…but i would say its unattractive to see gal with other guys…like kissing them or huggin up on them….it takes away from the genuine feeling…then you have to wait for the person to choose who they like and then it becomes wasted time and money…

    you can agree if some guy likes you and makes you feel special and then makes his other dates feel special that its a turn off”

    then i wrote back:

    “hmmm i see your point. i’m not sure how i feel or think about that at the moment but thank you for responding”

    what do you think?



  115.  #115Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    OMG – that guy wrote me back and said, OK, then I am available to go out dutch and hang out…i wrote back and said that’s OK, i have plenty of friends, Happy New Year…and he blocked me! lol!



  116.  #116Luzydel on January 2, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    #114: Soul Sista

    I think men tend to be territorial and the idea of a woman opening her options make them feel insecure.
    Even if the woman is just meeting people and no kissing or having intimacy.

    Men are used to of our over functioning and of us waiting for them to make their mind. CDing not necessarily mean a woman is being intimate with other men (that is an individual decision), she is just keeping her options open until one man decides to commit to her.

    I don’t even mention I am Cding, it is not because I want to lie, but it is my personal choice. And going on dates or flirting with people, does not make me a player.



  117.  #117Soul Sista on January 2, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    @Luzydel ~ yeah…i wouldn’t talk about it either…i wanted to see how the conversation would go, don’t even know the guy…was curious…



  118.  #118Lorelei on January 2, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Ella @ 89/90 and previous

    Hi and happy new year. What that guy said to you in the pub feels really yuk. But who knows why he said it. Drunk? Just taking a chance on NYE? Feeling jealous of Mr Barman? Why he said it doesn’t matter.

    It might not have anything to do with your CD-ing. People may be less aware of this than you feel they are. I don’t imagine that Mr B is bragging about your CD-ing . . . Could it possibly be your own residual unease about CD-ing that makes you wonder if others judge/disapprove of you? Like, we sometimes perceive our own self-disapproval in others? Only wondering-out-loud, cos I do not presume to be certain.

    Either way, I’m sorry you had to be on the receiving end of a comment that feels like sexual harassment in SOME situations, and that made you feel embarrassed and horrible. But this could have happened even if you had never heard of Rori.

    I bet most of the Siren here have received deeply inappropriate, sexualised comments occasionally, from men who overstep boundaries. But – we don’t have to tolerate repetitions from the same man a second time though.

    I would take with a pinch of salt some of the more masculine energy advice, especially from some who do not seem to be actively practising Rori’s themes. And who seem to be making a causal connection between experimenting with Rori’s ideas and this man’s comment. What this man said is not your fault, you are not in any way to blame for it, your CD-ing has not ’caused’ it or ‘invited’ it.

    What might the message be? Something about knowing and respecting your own boundaries about what you will not tolerate from men “friends” and perhaps getting out a feeling message.

    I’m wondering what you will do next time you bump into the man in the pub who made the comment, as you say he was known to you.

    “I feel/felt shocked and repelled by what was said on NYE”?
    “I don’t want you anywhere near me”?
    “I feel too embarrassed to talk (with you) just now.”?
    “I feel angry at that comment on NYE. I feel so turned off.”?

    I’m riffing this a bit for myself, as there is a man at Salsa who makes rather sexualised comments that I feel embarrassed by. Not quite as extreme as this. But I’m wondering what I would say next time something like this happens.

    I liked your letter earlier as well – at first I though there must be another different Ella on here! I’m going to do my NY Letter now, though not sure if I’ll publish it here. I’ll see how I feel about it when I’m done.



  119.  #119Ella on January 2, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Brenda re 68,

    I feel AWFUL reading this.

    I am going to be real because I do care and I have been down the same path myself in the past.

    Reading your post and words just feels like being preached at if I was him… like being told off for being not a good enough friend, or not behaving in the way you want him to.

    I feel weird to hear you talking about ‘friends’ at all when you have said you are in love with him. To me this is crumb taking.

    I feel so FRUSTRATED like why can’t she see?

    But then I never could when I have been in those situations…

    Its not that there is no chance for you and he, although it is a definite possibility that there isn’t… its that the only or best way for there to be a chance is if you can ride your horse away from this. COMPLETELY AWAY. Not tempoararily away while still secretly waiting and hoping…

    You are in an imaginary relationship. He has told you there is no relationship.

    IF you can stop contacting COMPLETELY, Stop asking, stop expecting, focus on you completely and CD, then after time he MAY come back to you…

    But he may not.

    BUT if you insist on keep pushing/pulling now you are likely to push him away for ever.

    I am not suggesting you wait, and you can do what you like, I am suggesting you throw him up on the back of your horse and MOVE ON, to yourself and your life and new things.

    This need to know is a need to control. I suffer from this too, less so now than before…

    There were times when I felt like you do… like F8ck it, well what do I have to lose? I ma just going to ask the question as there is no relationship now anyway…

    Let me tell you when I did this I ALWAYS felt worse AND I ALWAYS lost the guy involved… it NEVER worked for me.

    When I have chosen to move away from the guy and re-focus (with my ex and guys recently) some have come back and some haven’t. BUT I have always felt better and my self esteem is growing.

    I feel so frustrated to hear you were expecting a phone call back at Xmas, I do not understand why you expect this. You might want it and feel frustrated and disappointed that you don’t get it but unless he approaches you these are your feelings to deal with and no need to communicate to him.

    What you do is up to you… and I know how hard re-focusing is.

    I understand the relief you believe you might get from just going F it all, ultimatum time… and it is your right to do this if you want, however I know for me this has always brought me the briefest relief followed by much more heartache, pain, panic and disappointment. And no man!

    I am glad you have made progress however how would it feel now if you could just stop completely?

    Anyway I feel worried that my post will come across as harsh, however I want to be honest.

    Hugs.

    xoxoxo



  120.  #120Janie on January 2, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Brenda,

    I think Rori’s tools are amazing! However they only work for the long haul on a man who wants to be there with you. Ryan does not step up. There are all types of friendships. It seems you ultimately want a love relationship with Ryan. He seems happy to talk with you once in awhile. I do not think he is testing you. He is doing what he wants to do.

    There is a history of being attracted to emotionally unavailable men. I understand as I have been attracted to unavailable men as well. What would you tell another siren who was going through what you are?

    Can you look outside of the situation and think about it? It seems like you easily respond to others with wise counsel. When will you be able to do that for you? A man has to want to be there and come after you. Please consider being available to men who can really be there both physically and emotionally. I think it was Dorothea who said something about giving yourself the ultimatum. Why would Ryan need an ultimatum?

    I feel for you in the frustration you feel. However, choose men who want to be there with you. It will never work to pine for a man who doesn’t come after you.

    When you lean back it takes forever to hear anything from Ryan. And, of course you can’t stand to continue to lean back. Basically no one could be so invested and lean back and continue to stay in love with a guy.

    You so deserve all the love you want to much. It is not in your power to control who will love you back. Again, you can attract anyone for a moment, but you cannot lean back far enough for every man to want to be with you in the way that you want. Hugs to you.

    You deserve a man to kiss you on New Year’s Eve. However, if you demand it be a certain someone you may continue to be hugely disappointed.



  121.  #121Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Ella,

    You come across as gentle and caring. Thank you for what you said. I hear you.

    BTW, HE called me on Dec 30th. I returned his call about an hour later. I had every reason to believe he’d call back.



  122.  #122Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Janie,

    Thanks! Right on…

    I just don’t have the strength to lean back. Don’t know what to do with myself.



  123.  #123Girl on January 2, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    I feel like I have seen what D is really made of and it’s really crummy.



  124.  #124Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    @118 Lorelei

    “I bet most of the Siren here have received deeply inappropriate, sexualised comments occasionally, from men who overstep boundaries…”

    Women receive sexualized commentary from men, period. I believe it has little to do with what women do or say.

    Once a car full of guys leaned out the windows and screamed “C*nt” as I walked by. I was a teenager wearing a Peter Pan blouse and madras skirt and walking outside near my college dorm. At the time it nearly scared me to death. If I recall they all had beer cans in their hands…

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  125.  #125Luzydel on January 2, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Brenda, I guess it is ok to sort of check on the guy if you want to. However you are having expectations, you are expecting an out come. Call Ryan because you want to, but do not expect him or demand that he calls back, because that is what brings frustration and anger.

    I believe it is better not to call him at all, but you can start by calling him once in a while and not expect him to return the call.



  126.  #126Laughing Goddess on January 2, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Brenda: I would say “trust in God”.

    If god hasn’t given you the relationship with R, maybe it’s because there is someone even better out there for you.

    For me, leaning back is about trust. Trusting that god (for me, not meant in a Christian sense, bit more of a universal sense) is taking care of me. It means letting go of my belief that I can control the outcome through my actions or by influencing others. The only control I believe I truly have is through trusting. Trusting that god has a plan for me, and it’s good, and then I can lean back easily and effortlessly.



  127.  #127Girl on January 2, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Ladies,
    I feel a little devastated but excited. I humiliated myself. And yet I’m going to find a way to love myself.

    To sum it up, I made an appearance at Ds restaurant on New Year’s Eve. We’ve been having sex sometimes and we still talk about a future together. He’s leaving for Boston soon. My friends wanted to go to his restaurant cause it’s the nicest place to be. I felt super uncomfortable, but I have always felt uncomfortable with that place, and I wasn’t sure of whether to abide or conquer the fear. My friend insisted and I gave in and went. I felt really awkward saying hello to his coworkers. And it got pretty awful when he came by and said hello as part of his rounds – he acted like a Dick. He looked at me like “what do you want from me??” And I was thinking, you idiot, I just want you to be cool. He sucked. And the next morning he texted “are you mad at me?”

    Ladies, did I commit a major faux pa (sp???) by showing up?? What do you think of the scenario??



  128.  #128Janie on January 2, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Brenda,

    I think LG #126 gave you some wise counsel! And, with your religious feelings it may really help.

    Is it possible to fill your life with passion, interesting activities, love and friends? You know the way Rori talks about living your life fully? That would make it easier to have Ryan on your horse but not constantly in mind because you would be busy with other things.

    I know it’s not easy. I’ve been there! However, it can be done. I know that your dogs are very important to you. What other people, animals, places, experiences make your heart sing? Focus there. You have a big heart and lots of love to give. Spread it out in other areas. Then you will come from a good vibrational place. It will increase your siren powers!

    Hugs!!!



  129.  #129T-Girl on January 2, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Hi ladies, I have seen the term “lean back” a few times now. Could someone please explain what this means?

    On a positive note, I finally told someone who is emotionally unavailable that I am done. I should have done this months ago! I feel sad yet liberated at the same time.



  130.  #130marina on January 2, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    Hello dear Sirens!

    I just heard Cheryl Cole with ‘Fight for this love’
    on the radio. Bah, even on the radio they got it all wrong…

    Wouldn’t it be great if Soul Sista would sing a song about Siren Island?
    If there would be a Siren musical at Broadway?
    Or even a TVshow around Rori and her Tools 🙂
    Or if Daria would rap on MTV 🙂

    Yep! I would like that very much!!!

    Wow, so much going on here and many things are in sync with what’s happening to me, well, at least what I am feeling. It is 01:55AM, will go back to work tomorrow morning, meeting all my colleagues at the New Years gathering…..I really should be sleeping, but I feel sure I won’t before I have posted.

    @Ella, I support you and feel so happy that you share your journey here. I learn so much from you.

    I was wondering how people around me will react if I tell them that I am CD-ing (I haven’t started yet). I suppose guys will not like it and girls will be jeaulous and actually I think I would have felt the same before I came here…

    Haha, there is no going back, but sometimes I wonder if anybody who has never been to Siren Island, will understand it…. And that is OK. If they are interested, I will show them the way 😉 Otherwise, I don’t really feel like explaining what I am doing.

    @MeeMee, I don’t know if you read this? I wanted to get back at your post on the previous thread. I hope you are doing fine. I wanted to reply to your answer about discovering your anger and that you are not used to feeling angry since it was a no-no at your home. Is there a way that you can express your anger? That you can feel it? And embrce it?
    What works for me is kickfun, kickboxing on a boxing bag. It feels so good to kick and punch that bag until I am completely tired and empty. It is not actual kickboxing against another person, I don’t have to feel afraid that I hurt somebody (or get hurt 😉 But you could also play tennis or go running or anything that works for you.
    I think that it is great that you can feel angry! I can understand that you rather not feel that way at work.

    @Brenda ((((Hugs)))) I feel you are in pain. I hope you will find your way out of this labyrinth. I recognize many of the things that you say and do, I can relate. You are so helpful to other Sirens, I hope you will take your own advice. I could not have said it better than the other Sirens up here, I totally agree.

    @Rosa on the other post. I am sorry about what happened with Paulo Coelho’s post between you and your friend. I think you both handled it great and hope to see you back here soon!

    I love all your happy 2011 letters!

    I was making one for myself in my head I started yesterday. I went to NIA for the first time. I had so much fun starting the New Year while doing a dance workout. But I got triggered by the same thing that LonePlum’s posts on loneliness and egoism are all about and now I feel even more scared… And that probably is a good thing, I just don’t know if I should plunge into my feelings or should start doing the FLIP FLIP FLIP.

    After NIA, I only talked to a friend of mine (and her boyfriend) who invited me to NIA. I didn’t even say goodbye to any of the other ladies. It would have been very easy to just say:goodbye, nice meeting you all, see you next week. But I went back to my ‘ i am so shy, so spare me, give me a break, don’t expect me to open up’.

    Ugh.
    I came home a little later and there were some kids walking the street. They were tourists and talked Russian or Polish or whatelse. I thought I should post that on FB. But then I thought, hey, hello, I am ignoring the real world.Why don’t j cross the street and ask them where they are from?????

    so,I thought, apart from all the love that I want, all the goals that I want to achieve, I want to include the real world, the people out there that I am gonna meet, in my letter too. I want to open my heart. I want to get past my false shyness.

    I will have to get back to work tomorrow. I have felt bad at work for such a long time. I have just been keeping all my energy to myself.Just only doing what I had to do, not giving anything more, not showing genuine interest in anyone, just doing the necessary requested social talk and doing the necessary work. And it made me feel worse and worse.

    Damn, I feel like somebody put a big spotlight on me.I feel caught.

    I cannot FLIP this. I am not a little girl anymore. I cannot use the I am shy to get away from things that I don’t like, from things that trigger me, from things that I am scared of, from things that I don’t want to be responsible of…

    It feels scary to open my heart, and to show my own light. But it feels like dying if I keep closing myself off from loving others unconditionally, from just opening my heart.

    Is it really that easy?

    I love doing the feeling messages. That feels good.

    Will opening my heart without me interfering be made of the same goodness, the same yummie feeling?

    Ciao, Marina



  131.  #131Simply Shannon on January 2, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    Brenda, I second what LG said. *I* believe God has a wonderful man in store for you. Either Ryan or another man. I KNOW with every fiber of my being that this is true. I feel heart broken for you. For the years you have been without love in your life. I’m really sorry.

    This is a new year. This is the year for Brenda. God knows your heart and He longs for your trust. I believe God is using this situation with Ryan to draw you closer to Him. He’s using this icky situation for good. To redirect you towards something which will make Brenda stronger and even more beautiful for the right man.

    This is true.

    Amen and amen. (((HUGS)))



  132.  #132Simply Shannon on January 2, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Ella, I feel bad that dude said something nasty. It wasn’t said in a humorous way? Didn’t sound like it from your post. If it were me, I would have felt shocked and too stunned to say anything right then. Deer in headlights kind of thing. One of those situations that hours later I’d think of a GREAT comeback. Too late to use it and would be looking for a reason to see that person again to land my super comeback. LOL! What did Mr. Barman say? I’d feel kind of mad that my man didn’t stand up for me. Not in a fighting way. More in a “hey dude, this is my girl, and it’s not cool to talk to her that way.”



  133.  #133Simply Shannon on January 2, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    Girl, I don’t know how going to his PUBLIC restaurant is you humiliating yourself. He doesn’t get to decide where you go. It’s not like you were stalking him or something. What do you think?



  134.  #134Darling Ella on January 2, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Marina #129:

    What a beautiful post 🙂 I smiled reading it…I felt happy connecting to your experience…

    Warm hugs,



  135.  #135Katnina on January 2, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    December 31, 2011

    Dear Kat,
    What a wonderful year it’s been!! So many lovely things have happened. Here are just a few of the things I am thankful for this year:

    1) i met the perfect man for me! He treats me so well and we complement each other perfectly. He is fully into rowing our boat and i lean back and receive. When I want to give back, I do! it’s a dance, and it’s EASY. I have learned to express my emotions and we are very connected on an emotional level. I never knew love could be this amazing. We have a ton of fun together, and he loves my dog. We have great conversations, amazing sex, and he is fully supportive of my leaving my job to start a dogwalking company and go back to school next year. AND- we have an incredible future together. He proposed recently and we are getting married in Spring 2012!

    2) work is going well. I have done a great job for my company this year and our performance has been excellent. I know I will get a huge bonus in January! I’m getting ready to give notice because I will be leaving my job before the wedding, and am planning to launch my dog walking company after the wedding. My dog’s vet has been very supportive and has offered to refer a number of dogwalking clients to me. I’ve applied to get my master’s in Animal Behavior and I know I will be accepted for a program starting Fall 2012..my dream of becoming a behaviorist will come true soon!

    3) I had my apartment renovated and they did a great job! My property value has increased significantly and once I sell it, we will be able to afford a beautiful building with a garden apartment for us to live in and a few apartments to rent out once we are married!

    Lots of other wonderful things have happened, too many to list here. Congratulations on a wonderful year!!
    love,
    Me



  136.  #136Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    @134: Katnina

    I see you’ve had a fabulous 2011!

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  137.  #137Darling Ella on January 2, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Brenda:

    I feel sad reading about your heart struggle 🙁 Gosh, I so understand it…

    Yet, it is my understanding that leaning back is just a piece of the process…Leaning back without taking care of ourselves (emotions, needs, etc…) will keep us in neutral state with no results…So, flirting, going out on dates…is the key to getting our minds off of a man that does not intend to be in our life more than just a friend…etc…

    I agree with Dorothea about giving ourselves the “ultimatum”…I feels like the power is back in my hands when I decide…

    Only once in my life I had a guy break up with me like 3 times in 2 months period…It was hilarious…Yet, I ain’t lying to u…it hurt to 🙁 So, the last time he did it…I said to myself…
    “Oh no bitch…I decide when is over…”…and I sure acted as such…

    He broke off with his next gf so he could be with me…but, I was so out of any emotions for him by then…yet, his ego thought I was still into him…hurting about the break up …

    Warm hugs,



  138.  #138Jennifer on January 2, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    ok…RIFFING
    But y’all can feel free to comment of course. Unless yer gonna judge….I ain’t got no patience for it today I’m afraid.
    I canceled my date with E. I feel annoyed and crappy.
    I feel crampy.
    So buddy had texted me like four times…………Like eff off pal…don’t ask me if I’m getting some rest….I Cant cause I keep having to GET UP TO ANSWER MY PHONE! I had to shut the freakin thing off.
    and don’t ask if I’m on FB. after three dates…i ain’t adding you!
    Frig.
    too much
    then there was another guy from pof who asked me out…I said I was available thursday so he texted me……”awwwww do you have more dates until then 🙁 lol”
    I’m so not playing with a mofo about this.
    I texted back “I feel weird being asked that”
    like
    WTF is the matter with dudes?
    freakid dudes….



  139.  #139Katnina on January 2, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Thanks SLV! I did :).
    I hope you did as well! Which of your dreams came true this year? Did you take the trip to Montreal? or go to Europe? Have you been knitting and crocheting up a storm? Have you started CD’ing? Have you met a wonderful man who steps up?
    xoxo
    Kat



  140.  #140Katnina on January 2, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    awww Jen, I hear you on being annoyed by E continuing to contact you when you were trying to rest! that is annoying, but it’s also kind of cute-he’s concerned about you!
    and yep i hear you on the facebook thing…3 dates is way too soon for that kind of intimacy ;).
    i don’t want my dates seeing those crazy drunken pictures from my past, and i don’t want to untag myself in them either!
    so no, boys, you will not be my fb friends until i know you are sticking around! 😛



  141.  #141Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    @138: Katnina says:
    “Thanks SLV! I did .
    I hope you did as well! Which of your dreams came true this year? Did you take the trip to Montreal? or go to Europe? Have you been knitting and crocheting up a storm? Have you started CD’ing? Have you met a wonderful man who steps up?…”

    I started the letter but haven’t finished it. I’ll try to fit everything in, so far I might take trips might not but I’m doing language lessons, found knitting needles&yarn, got new art supplies, checked out gym, CDing with myself, men are “stepping ‘down’ ” but they make good practice if they are fun. 😆

    I hope you are doing the LBD 😀
    xoxoxo
    SLV



  142.  #142Jim on January 2, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    137: Jen

    “WTF is the matter with dudes?”

    Ummmmmmmm, I donno. Uhhhhhhh, I can’t speak for other guys buuuuuuut, IIIII think I’m slooooow.

    Buddy says,
    Knock 3 times on the ceiling if you want me……
    Twice on the flight. If the answer is nooooooo!!

    Jen says,
    I’m annoyed, crappy & crampy today, no face book, no date, no dudes, no nap, no judging, no E, no buddy, and DON’T CALL ME.

    Jim says,
    Ok, I got it….. Jennifer has timed out!!

    Jen, hope you feel better,
    Jim



  143.  #143Alicia on January 2, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    So sweet!!!

    Hugs Campaign.. 66 million hits. Such a feel good. I had a cleansing, happy tear…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4



  144.  #144Jim on January 2, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    142: Alicia,
    Awesome video!!



  145.  #145LonePlum on January 2, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    lol
    Did I spot a siren among the fishes?
    lol
    lol
    And that was written 4 years ago 🙂

    http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9210512.aspx



  146.  #146Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    LG,

    RE: #126 – Hey, it’s good to “see” you here! Thank you! And trusting God in regards to Ryan is central to my issue. That is what it really comes down to. I am learning to trust God about it, and, that, too, is a baby step process for me. I have my moments of strength, and then I have my meltdowns. 🙂



  147.  #147Brenda on January 2, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    Janie,

    RE: #128 – Yes, I’ve been filling my life with a lot of other things. This blog is a major part of that, along with exercise, dogs, friends, and church. It just isn’t enough. But I am doing my best to focus on my own life.



  148.  #148Alicia on January 2, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    Thanks Jim, I liked it..



  149.  #149Alicia on January 2, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    Dear Rori

    Before I write my future New Years letter for 2011-12, I want to say byeeeeeeeeeee byeeeeee 2010.. It’s been fun and it’s been real.. But, it ain’t been real fun.. lol.. (playin on the ain’t word there.. folks 😉

    However, it’s was a purifying the soul, gutting and repairing and learning and forgiving. I feel washed, heated and finally shiny again… Made peace with the past.. (ongoing) tapped into the anger that bursted up like hot lava.. and then rolled into the water. And found a piece of my authentic self where I sing and dance and hummm around in a sweet mood.

    I knew I was feeling good again when I caught myself in a mirror trying on clothes and I was actually dancing to the music in the fitting room.. haha.

    I havent felt like that in a long time… And this is all in good timing because….

    CHEERS to THE FIRST YEAR in a NEW DECADE!!!! Not only a new year.. A new decade! MUAH!! XOXOXOXOX

    Oh I can just sense the good things coming… XOXO



  150.  #150Janie on January 2, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    Dear Brenda,

    In a recent situation I discovered, Brenda ,that baby steps and praying about giving myself up to the RIGHT way forward so that I might change myself , and not to force another to change, was the breakthrough.

    I recognise the point where you know you need to change something and you are so tired of waiting for him to change and come to you.

    Things started years ago with me wanting and pursuing “him”, getting a little and wanting more and leaning forward constantly. I would pray for that man to want me and love me as I did him.( Actually he remained in an imaginary relationship with me which is better described as F… Buddies) ..cringe.. )

    I prayed the sword of Damocles would fall in his life and he would suddenly see me as “the one”. (Basically this ignored the fact that he was missing bits that are essential to relating successfully at this time !!! The life changing events happened alright but he didnt recognise me or grow out of it the way I wanted :))

    After a lengthy time of terrible pain and frustration (I feel you Brenda) I started to try new things , I prayed for love and light to come to him and to me. I also got more active in life as i had shut myself away.

    Then I managed more and more to lean back and keep away and NOT contact or answer for longer and longer periods. He did keep reappearing but not stepping up. This blog helped me regroup and gather my strength between each assault on my defenses. And I started praying for a real relationship with the RIGHT man for me.

    I dont have that yet , but I have some promising CD’s and I FEEL BETTER. I am not depressed. I am not bleak . I am not overloaded. I have stopped obsessing about “him”. In fact I recently took major action to stop all the to’ing and fro’ing for good, to keep him away from me ,and I walked into my freedom.

    I am now skipping and joyfully rolling around in my freedom!!!!!!!!

    What worked for me was doing what I didnt want to do initially,

    1. I recognised this obsession was destroying my one wild precious life. I recognised I was the cause of my pain . My ongoing desperation to connect was shriveling me as my life energy was wasted over and over.

    2. I changed my prayer so I prayed for MY GOOD and his but not that he would love me. I prayed that the best love would find me. I trusted God for that.

    3.I looked for support -here

    4. I filled my life and I decided to consciously thrust him out of my mind each time I became conscious he was IN it (this is like throwing him on the back of the horse and yelling tally ho!!!! ) I hurt each time I broke that connection in my mind at first but then I started to feel younger and cleaner inside each time I did it.

    5. AND when the moment came (as it finally did ) when I had a clear choice to make re this man in his presence , in that moment I prayed for guidance (to my guardian angel as it happened) and i followed that which i received .I took action and it has led to
    a release.

    And now I am freed .

    I cant help wondering if the demons that need casting out for you Brenda are like the ones I got rid of in this way?



  151.  #151Alicia on January 2, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    Dearest Rori-star,
    2011

    I love you for getting me to this very special place in my heart, with myself and with my man.. He’s hot and rocks and I’m all girly and he’s my hero. He’s loves how open I am and he always tells me how I’m his prize. And how hot it is when I’m just open. I have an engagement pic to send you.. and a funny bachelorate photo.. (me and my best girls with Siren tops and a Rori Rocks sign.) haha.. It was a siren theme party.. They each had a special siren name.. sexy siren, hot siren, spicy siren, flirty siren, tender siren.. lol.

    So thank you!

    Now let me tell you about the year..

    Wow.. The new year started so hopeful, and anticipation on high… Did my dreams come true?

    Two fold true! YES… I feel awesome this is one of the best years ever!! I’m truly fulfilled.

    LOVE-

    My love life is on fire.. with openess, trust and laughter, my days have affection and the communication is solid. I’m happy in this realtionship and the shiny pretty ring on my finger is such a special symbol of a very special moment.

    He did it!!!! He put a ring on it.. lol. I had tears in my eyes.. and it was a truly romantic night. Such a suprise.. a pause then passionate yes slipped from lips and the sweetest embrace.. and then about 28 karma sutra embraces that followed.. ahahahaa

    I felt soooo special.. and it was such a moment between the two of us.. I was so able to receive and enjoy him showering me with his love.

    FAMILY-

    His family is awesome… They make me feel so welcomed and already have pics of me in the house. lol. It’s sweet! My mom and his family get along great and they just laugh when they are together.

    My dad is happy for me and he apologized for how he treated me. He wished me well, and we have a real sense of preace between us.

    Humorously, my grandmother “the rock” is finally relaxed knowing there is someone so wonderful me that loves me and treats me so well. She promised she would live to see me marry and at 93 she is sure happy it happened… hahaha.

    Career wise-

    I walk into work and it feels like fun! There is warmth in the air and happiness in my pay check. I was promoted and I have an abundance of money in my savings and 401K. I got a suprise raise out of no where.. just for a job well done. I doubled my highest previous income and I leave work feeling calm. I meet with people and talk, smile and laugh nearly single day. I even get to wear my stylish wardrobe that makes me feel pretty and I help a charity that touched my heart and also heals.

    VACATION-
    One of the most exciting things about 2011 was the vacations and trips I took. Not only did I get to see my friend Kim in Flordia. I flew to several places in the states for sking, shopping and fun.

    The best trip was Mexico where the wedding was sooooooooooo amazing. We even had real fireworks!! We had such a smooth trip and it was all so much more then I ever dreamed, the sun, sand and water and candlelight at night was dreamy… Even the food was yummy and sweet on the lips. Yess.. the sparks are still flyin..

    I’m enjoying being a newlywed… and I use your tools everyday. I keep my heart open, I allow myself to be vulnerable and I feel secure and trust myself and him. This is such a awesome chapter in my life.. 🙂



  152.  #152Alicia on January 2, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    Brenda—

    ahahahahahaah lol at #95..

    I literally laughed out loud when u said.. about Ryan –

    “”I can walk away but, that leaves me with a big hole in my heart. Not to mention some where else.””

    Ummmmmmm ya me too, lol.

    I feel like I’m going to burst.. But, I want the real thing… and I’m tired of being with guys then getting the I’m not ready to be exclusive talk. Sooooooooo… I just am waffling my way throw boundries.. and after a long break. I”m ready to CD it up again..



  153.  #153Lorelei on January 3, 2011 at 12:48 am

    Brenda – @ 67 and following –

    I feel for you, knowing what is like to feel pain because he doesn’t want to be with you in the way you want to be with him. I have been there, many times, in the past. Times when I felt so strongly for someone that they were on my mind all the time, and my heart was breaking because the man wasn’t getting in touch with me. Often he or they would respond (politely?) if I got in touch with them and suggested meeting up, or chatting, but then they vanished again. And even when I knew they weren’t interested in me, I still couldn’t help ‘loving’ them. I want you know that I have been there, many times in the past, and I know how painful it is.

    Reading through the comments about your situation, I’m not sure that I can add anything more. It feels more and more as if it is an imaginary relationship with Ryan. He responds politely when you texted to get back in touch with him before Christmas – but now he says he wants space. And he’s used that phrase before, if I remember rightly. I wonder if he is hoping that you love and honor him enough, to believe him when he says this. That it’s not a trick or a test. But maybe he is doing you the respectful and honourable favour of not simply disappearing, but telling you how it is for him?

    I feel afraid for you, if you do the ultimatum thing, because he does not seem to think he is in any kind of relationship with you now . . .

    Can I wonder aloud about one thing though. I might be quite wrong here. But, at some level inside your feelings and thoughts . . . are you hoping that he only says he wants space because of his illness . . . that it may even be the illness that is making him say these things? That it is his illness (I know you see it as demons) that is blinding him to you and how great it would be if the two of you got together? That if he were healed or cured, he would see how great you are for him?

    It’s just a feeling I have, perhaps because I know my own tendency to search for ‘reasons’ why a man isn’t there for me.

    Thinking of you, and sending you hugs.



  154.  #154Aradea on January 3, 2011 at 1:18 am

    I have a question about wheter I should accept a date with J, a man who I spent a 10 month long intense, drama-filled relationship with, broke up with 3 times before all my leaning in pressured him away. He was always back and forth, in and out of the relationship, but every time I broke up he pleaded and talked me back. But his loving words were so inconsistent with his actions- he would criticize me to tears, but I wasn’t really receptive then, either- knowing he was a post divorce mess, I took on too much nurturing and masculine energy. I see my mistakes, but now, a couple months after he broke it off, here he is asking me out. He says he wants to strt over, to try again, but I’ve been having the best time CDing, and am seeing some very nice men. I don’t know how I feel, except unsure. Do I go out to dinner with him? Do I investigate my feelings? Do I see if there’s any change in his life that would make any difference? I KNOW I’ve changed with the 4 steps, which are my intentions this year. I am not the same woman, but I’m a bit concerned he will generate those responses and habits in me again. However, we have spoken (at his insistence and initiation.) in some manner weekly since our breakup. I’ve kept asking for space, as he has gotten more insistent. I feel it could be a test, to sit at dinner with him, and an opportunity to look from my new eyes- eyes which have been flattered and adored by several delightful suitors, none of whom have ever broken my heart before. Can I control my heart now? Do I have the inner resources to trust my boundaries? I really think I can use my tools to guide me to the right thing for my heart. I can be honest with my words, receptive to what he has to say, and I can trust my feelings. I can leave early if it feels bad. What do you think?



  155.  #155Alicia on January 3, 2011 at 1:24 am

    If you are having a problem leaning forward or overfunctioning.. Catch this clip -The power of the walk away…

    This guy is coaching men on how to close women…
    Leave them wanting more.

    However!!! I find it most useful for a reminder to rori raye it and lean back……………………………………….

    He has a point.. I just use it to my female advantage and translate it to a siren term.. staying leaned back is like the “power of the walk away”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pP-ILi7rtEk

    Check it out.



  156.  #156Alicia on January 3, 2011 at 1:39 am

    Man, learning to trust your boundries is sooo good. I feel so much more confident when a guy is doing a pull you in/ push away.. when he pushes away or he lean back its natural to want to lean forward.” Learning about men has been just a helpful in learning to be a siren..

    Another great clip on the push/pull guys use. So you still catch yourself from leaning forward..

    This one is about getting her to bed 😉

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iasUAf2HpoQ



  157.  #157Brenda on January 3, 2011 at 1:54 am

    Alicia,

    RE: #150 – Jim referred to my (un)holy references in an email, saying, “Now, as for your (w)hole neglect. I’m sorry about that. I really do wish you to get some satisfaction in multiple locations. We do have our wants & needs. So here’s what I suggest… and yes to contradict myself.

    Go out to anywhere. Walk up to who ever he is… Say, “Look buddy, I gotta a hole in my heart and another between my legs. Is there anything you’d like to do about that?” Remember, “one comes with the other.” Tell him that too… :-)”

    LOL!



  158.  #158Jennifer on January 3, 2011 at 3:56 am

    Yesh Jim….Jennifer is taking a time out.
    and should prolly be grounded.

    I watched the video that Alicia posted………
    WOAH!
    Wait a minute.
    If WE lean back………and he does the WALK AWAY………how da HELL is anybody gonna get together?
    And I dunno if that stuff works.
    Cause in the clip the guy is talking about challenging a woman….like challenging her ability to buy energy bars.
    Um…ok. I see challenge as an invitation to debate….and so then I would be like ……..”well, I’m reading this one cause a)…..and b) and c)……. but I’m not impressed with d)…………..
    if buddy then walks away…………now I feel like I prolly said something socially awkward.
    And if he approached me again I’d stammer and RUN.
    and as for re-approaching him?
    NADA!
    Cause I would worry I made an ass of myself once…….why do it again?
    This man/woman this is fraught with emotional black holes.
    frig a loo



  159.  #159Rosa on January 3, 2011 at 4:52 am

    Now a long explanation..I started to call myself Janie on here (not noticing Janie 1)- its my second name- needed a new name due to blown cover with a CD and then wrote the following and foubnd it in moderation…THEN noticed Janie1 …oh dear..problem for the moderator…

    meanwhile things with CD 1have moved on he is now trying to make his ex-relationship work again..

    so its not so essential to change names as I wont be writing about him now..

    breath…



  160.  #160Rosa on January 3, 2011 at 4:57 am

    So with apologies to Janie ( How many of us are out here?)

    my original post for Brenda..

    Dear Brenda,

    In my recent situation I discovered, Brenda ,that baby steps and praying about giving myself up to the RIGHT way forward so that I might change myself , and not to force another to change, was the breakthrough.

    I do recognise that feeling of being at the point where you know you need to change something and you are so tired of waiting for him to change and come to you.

    Things started years ago with me wanting and pursuing “him” ( G-man), getting a little and wanting more and leaning forward constantly. I would pray for that man to want me and love me as I did him. ( Actually he remained in an imaginary relationship with me which is better described as F… Buddies) ..cringe.. )

    I prayed the sword of Damocles would fall in his life and he would suddenly see me as “the one”. (Basically this ignored the fact that he was missing bits that are essential to relating successfully at this time !!! The life changing events happened alright but he didnt recognise me or grow out of it the way I wanted 🙂 )

    After a lengthy time of terrible pain and frustration (I feel you Brenda) I started to try new things , I prayed for love and light to come to him and to me. I also got more active in life as i had shut myself away.

    Then I managed more and more to lean back and keep away and NOT contact or answer for longer and longer periods. He did keep reappearing but not stepping up. This blog helped me regroup and gather my strength between each assault on my defenses. And I started praying for a real relationship with the RIGHT man for me.

    I dont have that yet , but I have some promising CD’s and I FEEL BETTER. I am not depressed. I am not bleak . I am not overloaded. I have stopped obsessing about “him”. In fact I recently took major action to stop all the to’ing and fro’ing for good, to keep him away from me ,and I walked into my freedom.

    I am now skipping and joyfully rolling around in my freedom!!!!!!!!

    What worked for me was doing what I didnt want to do initially,

    1. I recognised this obsession was destroying my one wild precious life. I recognised I was the cause of my pain . My ongoing desperation to connect was shriveling me as my life energy was wasted over and over.

    2. I changed my prayer so I prayed for MY GOOD and his but not that he would love me. I prayed that the best love would find me. I trusted God for that.

    3.I looked for support -here

    4. I filled my life and I decided to consciously thrust him out of my mind each time I became conscious he was IN it (this is like throwing him on the back of the horse and yelling tally ho!!!! ) I hurt each time I broke that connection in my mind at first but then I started to feel younger and cleaner inside each time I did it.

    5. AND when the moment came (as it finally did ) when I had a clear choice to make re this man in his presence , in that moment I prayed for guidance (to my guardian angel as it happened) and i followed that which i received .I took action and it has led to
    a release.

    And now I am freed .

    I cant help wondering if the demons that need casting out for you Brenda are like the ones I got rid of in this way?



  161.  #161Senior Lady Vibe on January 3, 2011 at 5:01 am

    @156: Rosa says:

    “…so its not so essential to change names as I wont be writing about him now…”

    Cool. But…
    1) Although you might not be writing about him, you will be writing about *you*
    2) He’ll be reading the blog from time to time and it’s very easy to use the search function to find your posts, I do it all the time.
    3) He’ll be back…

    Just saying…

    How do I know? …oh, I’ve only lived about 5,000 years… 😆

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  162.  #162Rosa on January 3, 2011 at 5:36 am

    Wise Madam ,

    I defer to your counsel.
    I suppose I mean I dont CARE if he does read it now , because I have shut off that possibility..he is in love with his ex. And he promised .

    i was trying to rewrite a 35 year old script ..sad but true 🙂

    Anyway , i did meet a REALLY HOT and charming man yesterday ..
    Lets call him ummm…Mr Wow..
    He has a tat of his guardian angel on his arm , is seriously ripped (he bits I could see) , has a twinkle in his eye and is a lawyer..(WTF ?)

    Anyway , despite my flirt being flat he has organised a nice long second date ..

    Anyone got a cure for a flat flirt????

    Sounds like something Jennifer could manage ..

    Feeling better already…



  163.  #163Senior Lady Vibe on January 3, 2011 at 6:10 am

    @159: Rosa says:

    “… And he promised…”

    Uh, OK but I think my father says don’t rely on “promises” when there are easy temptations and not much chance of being found out… 😀

    But it’s all good. I hope you had a sweet holiday.

    I’m very excited about 2011. Does it seem to you that it’s already whizzing by? Already 3rd of January!!!

    Rosa, I’m inspired by your long post. You’ve asked me about why I’m not plunging ahead with the online dating and I think your post touched on this. Aside from having some medical procedures to do this year, my “CD-ing” priority this year is with ME! And I’m loving it! But who knows what will develop?

    Some of the sirens have hit snags and find themselves feeling low or not quite having something to turn to and are starting from scratch getting their lives revved up in other directions. I do not want this to happen to me.

    I’m well aware of the realities. I’m still playing with numbers and my last foray turned up that if there are 100,000 guys on a dating site, then there are 15 available to me. Yikes! That’s a wee bit of dessert so I want to have the other courses of my life remain succulent and yummy! 😀

    I’m glad you’re still on the blog. I sent you an e-mail.

    BTW, what’s a “flat flirt?”

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  164.  #164Rosa on January 3, 2011 at 6:52 am

    I think of flat flirt as an energy phenomenon where my flirt ran out of ooomph ..all the funny emails I could send , the charming stories and subtle entendres are dead FLAT!!!!! I dont know how to recharge.

    Yesterday wow man was sitting across from me and i felt attracted and I didnt know what to do any more…I wonder if its hormones or stress post op or recent defection of possible CD …I felt FLAT .

    Times in the past I could always be charming and fun..I just felt flat.. I think the repeat after 35 years of the same message by my schoolgirl crush first BF .. “I know I like you but I am still interested in marrying someone else “has deflated me more than i thought it could.

    I cant do friends in this situation . I told him it doesnt work for me to have contact, and so I have blocked him on FB now.

    That all hurts after having this brief intense friendship recently reignited snd now snuffed out.

    I did get the email SLV thank you and will respond very soon!



  165.  #165LonePlum on January 3, 2011 at 7:05 am

    SLV 160

    lol
    I was googling “flat flirt” myself
    I found a type of shoes and a type of hand bag.
    lol

    I still don’t know what you mean, Rosa.
    Do you mean you felt like you were not good at flirting, like feeling a bit low?
    I don’t like men who flirt. I feel they are not into me but into the seduction game. I like a good old regular conversation and real fun.

    But only God knows what the words “flirt” mean for each person

    Whatever flat flirt means, the use of “in spite” tells me that you feel the flat flirt turned the date into something unattractive or boring for the man

    I would say you are overfunctoning again 😉
    You are assuming what the man feels or thinks
    Or the nasty voices are out

    Apparently your date is unaware there should be an obstacle to attraction because he asked you for a second date
    We should try to trust our dates when they like us.

    I am not saying we should already imagine we are going to have sex and be a couple, and he will be in love, lol
    Am just saying, he likes what he felt speaking with you and he wants to feel it again.

    It is a good present

    Hello, it feels nice to read you feel better

    xxx



  166.  #166LonePlum on January 3, 2011 at 7:10 am

    Rosa 161

    Oh, Ok
    I had not read your last post

    Well could we say, you think he felt you low energy, but he might have felt you leaning back?
    In such case he felt good within the space you allowed between you two?

    xxx



  167.  #167LonePlum on January 3, 2011 at 7:15 am

    lol

    “Dating coach” seems to be the trendy job on earth

    They are everywhere

    I wish I spoke Chinese to check what they advice over there
    lol

    http://www.accidentallysingle.com/

    xxx



  168.  #168Senior Lady Vibe on January 3, 2011 at 7:31 am

    @Rosa
    @62: LonePlum

    I think I understand now what “flat flirt” means…like your heart wasn’t in it, you didn’t have energy for it… Is that it?

    What popped into my head is a little commercial jingle for the two candy bars: “Mounds” and “Almond Joy” — two chocolate covered cocoanut candies but “Almond Joy” has two nuts on top.
    “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.”

    “Sometimes you feel like a flirt, sometimes you don’t.” 😆

    LonePlum says:

    “I don’t like men who flirt. I feel they are not into me but into the seduction game. I like a good old regular conversation and real fun.”

    I like flirting, depends, when it’s a way to meet someone, make contact, just have a little clean fun, I like it. I like regular conversation too. Flirting can be used in seduction or it can just be an ice breaker as we use the “eye gaze.”

    See David Wygant video (Alicia link) showing the guy w/ girl and energy bar convo. That was just fun; then it’s up to the two people to go from there to “regular conversation” and getting to know each other. Sometimes guys need a little help, even the good guys–especially the good guys! in making contact. I’m all for that.

    Here it is again:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pP-ILi7rtEk

    LonePlum:

    “Apparently your date is unaware there should be an obstacle to attraction because he asked you for a second date
    We should try to trust our dates when they like us….”

    Rosa, you are fabulous without even trying… 😀

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  169.  #169Simply Shannon on January 3, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Alicia, It feels so weird to me seeing those Free Hugs videos! Somebody stole my idea. 🙂 No joke though. Two years ago I had seen someone in my city holding a sign related to abortion. I remember thinking “that sign is not helping anyone. Why not a free hugs sign?” I seriously considered creating a sign and walking it in a similar area of town. Then last year I saw a guy in my downtown area holding a free hugs sign. Now the videos! So bizarre! I love it!! Where did it start I wonder…



  170.  #170Mercedes on January 3, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Rori: I journal like this pretty consistently but I’m going to write the letter…I like the idea of planning my entire year this way. 🙂

    Hope everyone had wonderful holidays. J and I (for the first time ever) had all of our kids together at the same time. Generally a couple of them will be here at a time (as in our two oldest hadn’t even met prior to this visit)…it was awesome…having them all here at once…so beautiful! I’m grateful.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  171.  #171Lorelei on January 3, 2011 at 7:50 am

    Hi SLV @ 158

    ” it’s very easy to use the search function to find your posts”

    Um – how do we do this? I’ve sometimes tried clicking on someone’s name, or my own, to get back to a previous comment, but it just brings up the title page of the whole thread . . .



  172.  #172Simply Shannon on January 3, 2011 at 7:51 am

    Brenda, what Rosa said really jumped off the page at me…

    “I cant help wondering if the demons that need casting out for you Brenda are like the ones I got rid of in this way?”

    Does it help at all to consider what is going on with you is similar to the demons holding Ryan? Along those lines of healing ourselves that we heal others.

    I wonder what would happen if Brenda healed herself. I wonder if this would in fact heal Ryan.

    I have goose bumps. Brenda!! This is the key. I feel it in my gut. Oh my goodness.



  173.  #173Simply Shannon on January 3, 2011 at 7:59 am

    Gosh that Free Hugs video makes me cry! I want to do that!! I do that with my friends. I always hug first. I do not care if I’m leaning forward. I HUG dang it. I want MORE of that. I will get in your personal space. I will lean forward. I will pursue a hug.

    Swelling heart hugs feel WONDERFUL!

    Skip to my lou my darlin’….



  174.  #174Senior Lady Vibe on January 3, 2011 at 8:03 am

    @168: Lorelei says:

    ” … to find your posts”

    Hi Lorelei:

    I hope 2011 is going well for you. A letter dated 2012 is a smashing good idea. I’m still working on mine and it’s giving me some new ideas too.

    Back to your question:

    I use IE browser but they all work pretty much the same.

    Open thread of your choice, go to menu bar in browser:

    Edit ==>Find on this page
    [insert keyword or name in box]
    click “next”

    I hope this helps.

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  175.  #175Ella on January 3, 2011 at 8:28 am

    LG re 126,

    Brilliant post! 🙂



  176.  #176Janie on January 3, 2011 at 8:29 am

    SS (and Rosa):

    Exciting thoughts about demons and healing. In particular the ideas of healing of the self feels good to me. Ryan may be a mirror for Brenda in her healing herself. However, focusing on how healing of herself may heal Ryan feels a bit bad to me as it keeps the focus on Ryan. Ryan who broke up with Brenda a year ago and continues to ask for space. Brenda is the one to heal here. If Ryan were to want to really pursue Brenda, he could heal.



  177.  #177Janie on January 3, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Rosa (Janie,)

    Re: Janie – I’m sure there are more of us out there than we each thought!

    hugs!

    Janie



  178.  #178Leo on January 3, 2011 at 8:35 am

    In most of the browsers you can hold the strg- button down and press f for “find” and then there should be a line were to write the word or name.

    I did a mistake just a couple minutes ago on the phone with my man.
    He had a baaad day at work and he told me about it.
    And I did a great job in listing on level 2.
    But at some point it hit me and I felt like giving advice… And I did. Twice he took it well, but the third time… he said “yeah yeah yeah i know i know” (in this annoyed tone). And I felt stupid and embarrassed and scolded and mainly stupid.

    And I won’t do this again.

    So actually I can be proud of myself for having learned something and noticing it.

    But, not only in this situation, I am totally not good with expressing my “bad” feelings to him… I feel afraid, cause I feel insecure in my wordchoice and I dont intend to blame him. But the times I tried…he got the feeling that I wanted to blame him…
    Gosh.
    Feel stupid right now…



  179.  #179Lorelei on January 3, 2011 at 8:40 am

    SLV @ 171

    Thank you – brilliant – I never knew I could do this! It works perfectly.

    I enjoyed writing my letter for a year hence this morning. I found it incredibly hard to focus on it . . and not always easy . . and and times felt fearful about asking for too much, even though it’s more of a claiming than an asking.

    And I just couldn’t feel whether I could ask for The Man to appear this calendar year as my divorce is not final, and I feel afraid that I cannot have all I want. My CD’s at the moment seem to embody different parts of what I want but not everything in one man.

    But I’m going to tidy up my hand-written ramblings and type the letter later on today.

    Happy 2011!



  180.  #180Lorelei on January 3, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Leo @ 175

    Thanks also for your tips about browsing and finding.

    I feel sad to hear your feeling ‘stupid.’ It sounds like a Nasty Voice telling you that you are. . .

    I’m working on loving and accepting all feelings, even things like this, because once we start talking to the feelings of, say, stupidity, shame, embarrassment etc. and telling them we love them, and accept them, they calm down, and take their place in the soup of our feelings.

    Feelings like this can be on the boat, but they are not the master of the boat.

    Happy New Year!



  181.  #181Ella on January 3, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Marina re 129

    Thanks 🙂

    I generally don’t tell people about me CD-ing either, except for some close friends and my mum, oh and obviously the men I have dated when I have needed to, and not before…

    It is more the people who have been watching me and then judging.

    I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else’s business and the mentality for women is meet a guy… doesn’t matter who he is or if he is right for you… get with guy and become his g.friend and then put up with whatever treatment he cares to dish out to you. And it seems this is what the majority of women do around here.

    Or that is how it seems to me… dating is almost unheard… if you go on a couple of dates everyone assumes you and the guy are a couple.

    So you can imagine how CD-ing goes down!!!!

    With the friends I have told about it their reactions have varied from kinda interested and curious to cynical and negative.

    Most have not really understood it.

    As for the men, obviously they don’t like it… it is no longer easy for them… they have to DO something, make effort and take responsibility!

    But I tell you this… it sure didn’t put them off… no after some fussing they wanted me more… and even the one who didn’t stick around I feel that he still wanted me… he just wanted me to step up and do the work and I wouldn’t.

    BTW – I am no longer CD-ing at this time. I am exclusive with someone, rightly or wrongly…

    I have really mixed emotions about whether I should have agreed to exclusivity. He insists he wants a life committment with me however I am still deciding if he is right for me.

    I would have prefered to continue CD-ing while I decided however he was REALLY strong about wanting it to just be me and him and he wants to get married to me in time…

    So watch this space.

    If the vibe of the relationship changes and no longer feels like headed to marriage, or if I decide he is not the one for me in time, I will go back to CD-ing.

    For now I am just enjoying spending time with him…

    But yes still very mixed feelings re being exclusive.

    xoxoxo



  182.  #182Ella on January 3, 2011 at 9:02 am

    SS re 131,

    No, it was not said in a joking way… it was not even really said in a sexual way as such… it was said in an insulting way.

    Yes I felt completely stunned, shocked, confused and embarressed…

    I also felt a bit annoyed that Mr Barman didn’t say anything however it happened kinda quick… and we were walking away and he back in the car before it really sunk in what he had said.

    So maybe it was the same for Mr Barman too.

    Later I spoke about it with him and he said ‘I should have said something however I just thought it best to walk away this time’. Or something like that.

    Sometimes I am not sure how good Mr Barman is at standing up for himself (and therefore how good he would be at standing up for me) and I am not sure how I feel about this.

    It is one of the things I am watching… and seeing how it feels and how important it is to me.

    Actually it is kinda important however it does seem like the more time he spends with me the more his masculine energy comes out… so maybe this will develop too…

    Who knows. It feels bad to think he wouldn’t stand up for me! 🙁

    My top love needs are feeling loved and cared for, being given attention and cuddles and laughing together.

    I get all of this from him…

    So I will wait and see.



  183.  #183Ella on January 3, 2011 at 9:07 am

    A Siren was asking what I will do when I see the rude guy again (sorry I can’t remember where I read it or who was posting about it)…

    Yes I have thought about that too.

    It will probably be in a pub.

    IF he approaches me I will say ‘I am feeling furious!’.
    If he asks why I will say ‘I felt completely embarressed, humiliated and furious about what you said to me on NYE.’

    If he comes out with any cr*p or does anything except apologise I will walk away.

    If he does apologise I will listen but imagine I will still feel wary of him after this.

    I only saw him last week and he was nice as pie then… I feel confused.



  184.  #184Soul Sista Shakti on January 3, 2011 at 9:11 am

    test



  185.  #185Ella on January 3, 2011 at 9:13 am

    Girl,

    Re going to the restaurant… No I do not think you humiliated yourself, although I understand why you would feel a lil akward about it!

    I think just act like a complete rock star… the issue, if there is one, is his… you were doing nothing wrong and no need to explain anything.

    Lean way back…

    In fact scr*w it… don’t even worry about what he thinks!

    Lol… you are a Siren and you can do what you like!

    xoxox
    🙂



  186.  #186Leo on January 3, 2011 at 9:13 am

    Thanks Lorelei, your answer has made me smile!!! Made me feel good!

    I like you image with the boat…
    And acutally I’m getting better in the “not letting bad feelings row my boat” – they may quietly sit there 😀

    I felt told off by him, which is just a trigger, so I am not mad at him or sad. It was just the little girl in me whose mouth got shut by my family so often.

    And yes, it was the nasty voice telling me i should feel stupid. But now – I dont anymore. It was a great advice I gave him. I can feel proud of myself thinking that way. (I feel the self-esteem come back up….more and more…)

    This feels awesome now 😀
    I need more self-esteem around him, around people I care fore.

    And, btw, leaning back is hard 😀 I miss his voice, miss laughing with him, miss him stroking my hair.
    I feel hate….hate cause still living alone makes me feel sad 😀
    But this will change this year, we will move in!!!

    Earlier…on the phone, i thought it was cute, and I felt wanted, we were kidding around a little, and i said something like “well, if you wanna come home drunk and dirty and then go right into bed, you can do that in your OWN flat, i dont care”
    And he played a little afraid like “what do you mean… do you refer in any ways to OUR future plans?”
    And I said: “just making clear – if we move in you take a shower before you come into OUR bed after you were paiting a house and drinking ;)”
    and he said: “Okay, I can live with that”

    Felt great about it!
    Always feel good when he comes up with those topics (moving in, our future, …)

    *BIG smile



  187.  #187Soul Sista on January 3, 2011 at 9:17 am

    @ ella ~ i’m curious, why would you acknowledge it at all?

    this is what is coming up for me in a couple of the threads…so, we learn how to identify how things are making us feel. but do we stay in a loop of feeling messages?

    what my intuition is telling me is that once i have identified how i feel, if it is a way i don’t want to feel i lean back…thinking about what i’m going to say to him about how i feel seems like a sneaky way of starting a “talk.”

    …i say this from my own recent experience with the last argument i had with the guy…he was just giving me bullshit (excuses) and i decided to tell him how i “feel” about it…i wish i just would have leaned back completely.

    what do you think?



  188.  #188Leo on January 3, 2011 at 9:26 am

    @ 183 Soul Sista

    You mentioned there something I was wondering about for quite a while….

    If there is a trigger situation with my Man and I feel sad/mad/triggered or whatever, and I kinda sunk in to identify my feeling….Sometimes I figure out what I feel about this situation when it’s already gone…
    So do I then just lean back?
    Cause, yes, as you said, telling him then how I felt feels like giving a “talk”…

    I am so confused and insecure about when to tell him things like that and when not and……..

    I express myself in feeling messages as often as I manage…but when it comes to him and “negative” things…its still so hard.

    So in the past weeks I mainly leaned back in those situations, didnt get mad at him, but didnt act like everythings fine either. I just grabbed a good book, or made some tea (everything for MYSELF) and then I had fun doing so, so when he approached me again, i reacted in a “everything is fine”-way, cause I DID feel fine!

    Is that okay?
    What do you gals think?



  189.  #189Soul Sista on January 3, 2011 at 9:31 am

    …this is great…because what i’m getting is that kind of guy is not getting the time of day from me, that is a given. and now, bullshit and excuses do not get my attention – a man feeding me that stuff does not deserve to have an insider access to my feelings. i’m not talking about being guarded…i’m talking about being precious.



  190.  #190Soul Sista on January 3, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Leo: to specifically answer your question, what i am getting for myself is, if a guy isn’t stepping up deciphering how i feel is for ME to gauge how things are going and if he’s not stepping up and i don’t feel good about it, i’m leaning back completely and taking my focus off of him…if HE ASKS why i’ve leaned back i will give a simple feeling message and not turn it into a talk.

    because having talks about my painful or negative feelings is not what i wanted. i want a happy relationship that is fun, easy and breezy. can’t have that if i’m always trying to “figure out” what is going on or “what i should do.”

    in my case, i’m going to California to pick up my electrik scooter and hang out with some really good friends of mine at buddhist commune that love me and miss me. they’ve been known to party once in a while, too 🙂 meaning, they ain’t no fuddy duddies 🙂



  191.  #191Ella on January 3, 2011 at 9:49 am

    @ Soul Sista

    Well for me I like to have an idea about how I might express my feelings BUT ONLY IF HE APPROACHES ME.

    If not then I will not approach him… just stay away (lean back).

    But if he approaches me I want to be prepared to express myself in what could potentially be a pressure sitatuation.

    This maybe has to do with not being entirely in touch with my feelings enough yet or not trusting I will know how to express them in the moment.

    However the big difference for me, and the reason it is not starting ‘a talk’ is because I don’t care about the outcome. I just want to express how I feel (disrespected, angry, hurt, confused).

    I know what outcome would be nice however I don’t care if I get it or not.

    I am not trying to control this situation.

    Also by thinking about my responses, maybe if I am ever in a similar situation again I will know what to say!

    xoxoxo



  192.  #192Soul Sista on January 3, 2011 at 9:56 am

    ella ~ i hear what you are saying. where i am at, i’d just assume give a guy a funny face then tell him how i feel if he’s done something offensive!

    this is something i love to do: look at the guy’s chest like he has something grotesque on it and say “what the?” and point your finger to his chest…when he looks down raise your finger and boink him under the nose!

    i’m gonna start carrying a little nerf boinker in my pocket and just start boinking guys.



  193.  #193Lorelei on January 3, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Hi Ella @ 170

    It was me!! I was wondering aloud, how you might feel as and when you bump into BadCommentMan.

    It feels good to me that you would call BadCommentMan on his comment, if he approaches you to talk.

    It all sounds good, and vital to declare your boundaries, feel your feelings and chose your words. And, be open to be surprised how he reacts. I feel that giving this BCMan a few calm and honest feeling messages is the only way to go on this one.

    I am feeling admiration for how your handling your feelings re being exclusive with MrBarman. I wish I could remember or find where in one of her programmes, Rori talks about the use of a time-frame for this kind of exclusivity (Commitment Blueprint?) so that he knows he hasn’t got forever to make his mind up. If I can find it, I’ll post it here.

    Lord knows what I’m going to do (scared) if and and when I get to this stage of having to do a no-girlfriend speech!



  194.  #194Ella on January 3, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Leo re 184,

    What you did sounds fine as you were always authentic about how you were feeling ie: never pretending all was ok when it was not…

    If after time when he comes to you the feeling is gone and you feel fine I would not see a need to bring it up… (the negative thing) unless you felt anxious that it might happen again, and then you could share your anxious feeling!

    For me I try to express my negative feelings with a man as soon as they come up, or as soon after as I can.

    This is because when I do this we seem to deal with it, it usually brings us even closer, and then the issue is dealt with… and we can move on, no bad feelings, no feelings stuffed, no stored anger.

    I hope he feels free to do that in our relationship too.

    This is the process for me.

    Identify negative (or any) feeling/s. (follow feelings) Ask if feeling/s are real and lasting or just momentary and unimportant (in which case I may choose to just deal with them myself and not bring them up) (trust boundaries).

    If they are a real concern and I am feeling bad then I work out how I want to express them to my man (choose my words).

    Then I find an approriate moment and then I tell him how I feel.

    I have always felt fear talking to men about negative emotions related to him however since using the RR way I have akways been suprised by how well it has gone! Usually they have reacted really well, issue has got sorted and my feelings are taken care of.

    I feel good and he feels good for taking care of me!

    Win win, this is my expeience.

    I balance talking about my negative emotions with talking about my good ones too and telling him when I feel good, bc of him or anything else.

    I also talk about how little things in my day have made me feel.

    What do you think?



  195.  #195Soul Sista on January 3, 2011 at 10:19 am

    ladies ~ i went back and read Rori’s post and want to repost the meat:

    “When I finally realized that what I was doing to bring this man – a man I’d been SO SURE of – closer to me and closer to wanting to commit to me, I tried something different.

    Instead of “resolving” anything, I just told myself that I’d be OKAY. No matter what.

    I see now that I’d “set an Intention” to be “Okay.”

    It wasn’t a huge statement to make to myself, but it was all I could manage.

    And it was enough to get me started in the right direction.

    It got me to Intend to DO some things for MYSELF that would help me be – not just Okay – but sensational, terrific, thrilled, happy, and married.”

    From my experience, guys don’t respond to women that make them the cause of their feelings if they haven’t worked for it. It turns them off. It lowers you “degree of difficulty.” upping that degree of difficulty turns them on.



  196.  #196Rori Raye on January 3, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Aradea – I think that you can learn to trust yourself – to do what serves you = and part of that learning is experimenting and trial-and-error. AS long as you’re really paying attention to yourself and not getting sucked in. Love, Rori



  197.  #197Ella on January 3, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Lorelei,

    Re 189

    I feel supported! 🙂

    I feel great that you are feeling admiring of my progress… I have to say it feels kinda messy to me though, being in it!!

    I felt giggly to read your name for ‘MrBadComment Man’ to he he… love it!

    I would love to read about time frames for this kind of committment if you do find it! Sounds helpful. I don’t have Committment Blueprint yet… just bought Modern Siren so I will have to wait.

    Re situation with Mr Barman … It feels weird kinda like holding back cus I am not sure whether we will head to marriage and I don’t want to be too invested.

    Especially as I am still figuring out how I feel about him and if he is a man for me…

    On the other hand I don’t want to be ‘one foot in one out of relationship’ either. Rori suggests we choose relationship and stay present so it feels like a balancing act between this and not getting too invested…

    I guess it is the stuff about keepinng our heart open to men / a man whilst still putting our needs first.

    I am certainly learning!

    Feels good.



  198.  #198Leo on January 3, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Thanks for you reply!
    It helps me learn a lot.

    As I said… I often feel a little afraid or anxious mentioning my “bad” feelings toward him, cause I fear his reaction.
    My mom calls me a “harmony person”, which means, I rather take things, pull back, and “live with it” rather than stating my true feelings and creating problems through that. (Its a deeeeep feeling and problem from my whole youth (i mainly did this for my mom…kinda long topic))

    Once he said: He loves me for I am not a drama queen but rather let go of little things and only mention the big things (problems).
    Which I do. And I feel awesome and appreciated.
    But I still could do better and I want to do better.

    My biggest problem is the language and finding the right words.
    In English I know so many words to describe my feelings, but in German we often have only one word for it, or another which aint used anymore, so we use the other again…
    Its so hard for me to pin-point my feelings in German.
    And thats why I prolly chose the wrong words at times which made him feel blamed and accused so he got defensive.
    (Although he calmed down a little when I reassured him that I dont want to blame him, that its only my feeling)

    But that is my biggest problem….



  199.  #199malaikah on January 3, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Dear Rori,

    I finally purchased Modern Siren last night, and I couldn’t go to sleep until I’d watched the whole thing through!

    I feel as if I’ve been given a new lease on life, I feel happy, more certain in the beauty I possess. I am a Siren.

    Thankyou, Rori. I love you- you’re helping me to learn to love myself for exactly what I am!



  200.  #200malaikah on January 3, 2011 at 10:30 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dg_7TL5PAzA&feature=channel

    Someone who I’d definitely have down as a Siren. Her songs always inspire me just to “feel”. Hopefully this will make you all smile and feel joyful just for being a woman!



  201.  #201Ella on January 3, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Leo,

    Rori has said that if a man has felt blamed in the past, even if not by you, it can take some time for him to not be defensive to your feeling messages about your negative feelings with him.

    However as you keep expressing in a non blaming way eventually he will be able to hear you without feeling blamed and repsond without being defensive.

    Keep us updated on your progress if you don’t mind… it helps me learn!



  202.  #202Leo on January 3, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Ella,

    I will definitely keep you updated!
    Writing it on here, actually helps me, too, when I see my situation written out.

    Yes, he has some sad and problematic history with a woman (the mother of his daughter) and actually today his problems at work were related to it, cause he got triggered by another woman.
    He wasnt able to step up when he was put down by that woman, she was such a bitch playing psychological tricks on him. Really just mean.

    And yes…when someone is blaming him, he gets all defensive. And he used to hear that he is doing everything all wrong.

    Happy for me, he is aware of that, and sometimes when he falls back in his old patterns and he kinda hurt me with that, he totally gets it and feels bad and apologizes.

    But besides that…

    I need to build up my selfesteem.
    Many of my friends always told me that I seem like a very confident person. But actually…I am not really (or only in certain areas, my sports, school/uni…).

    And now my goal is to match this impression with my inner true feeling!

    Yay!



  203.  #203Ella on January 3, 2011 at 10:39 am

    Soul Sista re 192…

    Yes I agree with what you say, however for me I am still going to express how I feel.

    I do not care if this man is interested in me or not.

    I will be ok and just need to look after my feelings by expressing them, IF he approaches ME!

    So I would be responding to him.

    I will not spend any more time on him beyond briefly saying how his comment made me feel.

    This feels good to me.



  204.  #204Ella on January 3, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Leo

    Yes, fake it till you make it!

    Yay 🙂



  205.  #205Laughing Goddess on January 3, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Ella: re:200

    Thanks! I needed to read that. Do you remember where Rori says that?

    That is the case with my LI. He is soooooo sensitive to my feeling messages. If there is even a little bit of blame or vibe of making him wrong, he gets super defensive. Then he starts defending himself and explaining and I feel completely unheard.

    After this happening several times, I finally realized that he has his own “stuff” around being worthy and feeling wrong. It takes very little to trigger him in this area.

    I feel compassion for him. I don’t want to add to his own internal nv’s who are telling him he is unworthy.

    I also want for my feelings to be heard.



  206.  #206Laughing Goddess on January 3, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    One thing I love about Rori’s work is that there is always something new for me to learn. Lately I’ve been feeling the desire to go back and reread Rori’s ebook.

    My first layer of work to do was stop overfunctioning, give up the imaginary relationship, be open to other men. By doing that, I know have a wonderful man in my life who wants a happily ever after with me.

    Now I feel inspired to go back and relearn everything. There is so much I could improve on.

    I feel new and fresh and excited about a new evolution of self.



  207.  #207Ella on January 3, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    LG,

    Re 204.

    I know what you mean. Sometimes my guy starts explaining his actions in a defensive way when I talk to him about my feelings.

    I kinda just listen and then continue telling him how I feel. Usually he then settles down and can hear me once he realises I am not blaming him for how I feel.

    I do not know (not my business) but I get impression that he felt blamed and guilty a lot with his ex so when he acts defensive I don’t take it too personally.

    I am sorry LG I cannot remember where I read that from Rori but I think it was in one of the e-mails she sent.

    xoxoxo



  208.  #208Ella on January 3, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    LG re 205.

    Ah I feel so excited reading that post!

    And I am in a similar position too.

    It feels so great to be trying Rori’s tools in each new situation and I keep delving back into the e-book and re-reading plus re-listening to the other programmes I have as there is so much to work with and each new situation brings new opportunities.

    I have even started seeing the ‘difficult’ times as learning opps for me and how I deal with my feelings!

    It feels amazing and transformational.



  209.  #209Senior Lady Vibe on January 3, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    @205: Laughing Goddess says:
    “Now I feel inspired to go back and relearn everything. There is so much I could improve on.
    I feel new and fresh and excited about a new evolution of self….”

    Refreshed! I need to go back an re-read some things too. Things that have formed me and guided me for a long time. I was thinking the word “retrace”–I had a need to “retrace” my own blueprint in light of current situations and build new models.

    I think “refresh” says it too! I like that. I feel good with that word, “refreshed.”

    LG:
    “…I feel new and fresh and excited…”

    Ooooo, I do.

    Thanks.

    I’m retracing and refreshing… 😀

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  210.  #210Wonder Woman on January 3, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Wow I am so excited about the future.

    I remember how low and depressed I was when I first wrote on this site and the support I received was just so sincere and heart warming. I feel I have moved forward so much since then. It is a slow process. I find that to change my habits takes a while. The main focus the past few months has definately been on changing my attitude towards myself and working on seeing the postive things in my life but I feel that has come a long way. I had the most amazing Christmas with my son. I can see he is such a genuinely happy person and I feel so pleased that I have contributed to that despite my own problems.

    I no longer feel lonely at all. That has been an amazing step forward. I embrace the fact I am independent and able to do what I want when I want. To be able to rid myself of the “need” for someone to talk to or be with has been the biggest achievement for me. I still have moments when I could do with a man around the house for DIY issues etc. Ironically those are the times that I think how lucky my friends are that they have that support but then when I achieve something it doesn’t bother me nearly as much.

    Over Christmas I rang around all my friends to wish them well and my attitude has shifted so much that I was able to see that the majority of my friends who I used to be envious of all seemed to be depressed or stuck in their relationships and I thought how lucky I was that here I am single and with the knowledge to be able to negotiate my future relationships in a way that none of my friends have. I feel empowered and lucky. Like someone gave me the best gift ever.

    The hardest thing for me is shaking off my old habits. I find I have to really change my routine to be able to get rid of one annoying trait. For example I’ll find myself intent on ditching someone who is offering me an imaginary relationship by contacting me only on IM but then I’ll find myself constantly checking to see if he is online and in order to change my habits I have to stop myself from doing anything that takes me to that place. I guess thats what baby steps is all about.

    So while I have a long way to go yet just to able to embrace being single and not having hang ups about that is such a wonderful feeling.

    It’s almost laughable to me the things I put up with….the crumb taking….not because I was in that place but because I really don’t relate to the person that would put up with that now……it’s like “What was I thinking”…..!! Recently the guy I was hung up on which led me to find this site contacted me. At the time I was so upset because he had chose another girl to be his girlfriend. I wrote how I was feeling about it so I could sit and feel my feelings. I recently found what I wrote and I sounded so low and depressed. I wrote how his girlfriend was so pretty and how she must have a much better personality than me to be able to land him. Recently that same guy contacted me and basically indicated he would cheat on his girlfriend…….Whoa…..what a transformation…..I would say he gave me a gift in choosing someone else…..I feel sorry for her now. In fact I have come to terms with all the men who have thrown me crumbs because I realise they were not meant for me and I can genuinly say thank you for the experiences and mean it. I don’t harbour any ill feelings to those men anymore because they have educated me for a better and happier future.

    I feel such gratitude towards all the support I received here. It really is changing my life in ways I could only have dreamed of 12 months ago. Everyday I feel I get stronger.

    On New Years Eve my friend and I were talking about something and she said to me “yes well that is because you are so chilled out” I was so shocked and I said “You think I am chilled out….really??”” and she said “Yeah….of course” and I wanted to hug her because that was how I used to be and I felt I had really lost that part of me the past few years. I am still smiling about that.

    So I continue to read here regularly and grow and work in baby steps and as ever I am grateful to you all!! x



  211.  #211Senior Lady Vibe on January 3, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Honey & Bears!

    I was wondering about this a couple weeks ago. Wondering what it was.

    I found today that “Honey & Bears” is a civic and social club formed by seniors. I learned the Honey & Bears activities schedule I first saw was for Honey & Bears members training youth to swim. Something like that. I’ll find out more later.

    Apparently they do a lot of other things too. Checking out activities tomorrow afternoon.

    I’m feeling excited about this! Yippee for 2011. Salsa lessons too! uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh… 😀

    Who knows, could be good, could be so-so, worth keeping an open mind and checking it out…

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  212.  #212Daria on January 3, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Uhoh! I feel sad… Scared… Oh noo…

    I saw a belief on the blog that I don’t agree with…

    🙁

    – Rori’s program talks particularly about how good men Don’t need help pursuing. In fact they are Pushed Away by help.

    A man that needs help is not good! Tho he may seem ‘nice’ I noticed that there’s an issue there that he needs to heal, nOt with my ‘help’ but by my being honest w my feelings.

    a nice shy Man who doesn’t step up is actually Not a good man… He can’t step up!



  213.  #213Dorthie on January 3, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    Thank you “Wonder Woman.” You comment has truly inspired me!!!! There’s hope for me yet!!!



  214.  #214Wonder Woman on January 3, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Thank you Dorthie

    That is lovely to read. I feel I get so much from the Sirens here and offer little in return but if my journey can inspire others along the way that is a wonderful thing.



  215.  #215Julia on January 3, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Is this the newest post? I’m having trouble finding it



  216.  #216Mercedes on January 3, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Julia: You’re close…this is the one right before the newest one.

    Click at the top of the page on the “Have the Relationship You Want” banner. The newest thread is under the title “It’s Never too Late to Marry”.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  217.  #217Senior Lady Vibe on January 3, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    @211: Daria says:

    Daria, are you talking about what I wrote?

    Daria says:

    “…a nice shy Man who doesn’t step up is actually Not a good man… He can’t step up!…”

    Perhaps we could agree to disagree. I believe that men can learn things the same as women can learn things.

    Many of the women who post on this blog improve their relationship skills over time from when they first arrive. I don’t believe they are not good women when they start. If they were incapable of improving their skills they could never benefit by Rori’s products.

    The video showed coaching men to improve their skill in making initial conduct with women. If some men start off shy or less socially skilled, I do not believe that makes them a bad man, nor less capable of growing than the women who come here to learn.

    If men could not learn and play a part in improving relationships with us, there would be little use of using “feeling messages” as a way to move that along.

    If men could not learn and grow, and they were either good or bad, and if bad always incapable of change, then Rori’s Toxic Men program would be of no use to anyone.

    Maybe you are saying something different. Tell us more.

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  218.  #218LonePlum on January 3, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Lisa 9

    Your post was kept in moderation.
    May be if you post again in the newest thread, you might get an answer?

    xxx



  219.  #219Daria on January 3, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    “…a nice shy Man who doesn’t step up is actually Not a good man… He can’t step up!…”

    As I understand it this is what Rori teaches.

    I dont need anyone to believe it, but I do want to point sirens to Rori’s program.

    Rori teaches that ‘helping’ pushes good step up men away.



  220.  #220Daria on January 3, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Oops – we seem to be saying different things !

    Yes men need help too from coaches… But Not from the woman they want to pursue.



  221.  #221Alicia on January 3, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Brenda LOL at #150

    I bet that would go over great.. haha. Remember to talk about how the hole “feels” ahahahaaha and lean all the way back.. like legs over head. lol



  222.  #222Alicia on January 3, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    Simply Shannon

    I love the Free Hugs video too. And I did share it with my man friends too. Is that leaning forward? I dunno.. I enjoyed the feeling and shared it with all my personal friends including family and best girl friends. I watchted it and teared up. Finaaly, the 4th watch I was normal.. lol. Maybe I just needed a internet hug. lol.

    I believe it started in Italy.. but, maybe I just saw that on you tube. I actually found that video on Deepak Chopra’s site. Under emotional freedom. I just clicked it and loved it.

    http://www.chopra.com/articles/2010/04/20/one-of-our-favorite-videos-free-hugs/



  223.  #223Alicia on January 3, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    Simply Shan –

    I’m watching it in another tab.. I think I felt nervous for him at first like it connected to me of feelings of rejection when no one was huging him and he’s being so vulnerable. Then I feel overwhelmed when he gets a million hugs and all the love just over takes. Plus, the song lyrics about taking some one back, for me reminded me of how there is always someone in our life maybe even God. Who see our weakness and not so niceness and keeps the door open with unconditional love.



  224.  #224Kristine on January 3, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    54: @Wonder Woman: I just want to tell you, You are amazing and hit the nail on the head with your post. I am in the same boat with you 100% I couldn’t have said it better than what you just did! Thanks and I am with you all the way with bringing on the good years to come, Life is Good and when you stop to enjoy the small things in it nothing else matters. True Love for yourself leads to Love to last a lifetime!! I admire you and wish you the best in the many years to come 🙂



  225.  #225Brenda on January 3, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Alicia,

    RE: #220 – LOL!



  226.  #226Brenda on January 3, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    Julia,

    RE: #214 – The newest thread is always at the top of the list here:

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/



  227.  #227Christina on January 4, 2011 at 12:56 am

    I don’t believe in “NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS”, as I feel they are doomed to fail from the start.

    I believe that with each new day, we each have the opportunity to begin anew. I DON’T beat myself up when I mess up. I forgive myself and try to do better the next time. 🙂

    I feel with each passing year that I am getting closer to who the “REAL ME IS” inside and out. Like a fine wine, I keep working at improving myself, my skills, my listening, my empathy and compassion not only for others but for myself too!

    I try to be kind and understanding of others and place myself in their shoes. You NEVER know who or what will change your day for the better or worse.

    I am by no means a “SAINT” nor do I try to be. I just try to be the very BEST ME, that I can possibly be.

    I think that is truly all that we can ask of ourselves. We are all GOD’S works in PROGRESS. No “PERFECTION” but keep on tweaking who we are to become the Best Ourselves can be.



  228.  #228Wonder Woman on January 4, 2011 at 4:36 am

    Kristine:

    Thank you so much.

    I am learning to embrace the little things a little more every day. It really is a wonderful thing.

    Writing my post the other day really was motivating. I am so excited that my year could be just like that I am working to achieve it.

    I’m signing up for my baking course this week.

    You too are absolutely amazing and inspirational. Here is to a wonderful future. 🙂



  229.  #229Kristine on January 4, 2011 at 5:27 am

    Happy New Year!!! @Wonder Woman and 227@ Christina being the best you is all we can do your very right, “A Work in Progress” I like it!! Rock on ladies!! Each of you on this blog have taught me things and helped me see things and relate and for that I thank you!!! Be BLESSED!!!



  230.  #230Christina on January 4, 2011 at 8:08 am

    @Kristine! Thanks for your comment. @Lisa who is/was involved with her co-worker.
    This is my advice to you, RUN! RUN HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!

    This man is a “USER!” and a “LOSER!!!” Is your life BETTER off because of knowing him? Or WORSE OFF??

    I know that YOU KNOW THE ANSWER to that question,…now, Don’t you LISA?
    You seem like an intelligent woman, empathetic and VULNERABLE.

    He PLAYED YOU, GF! He recognized the attraction that you BOTH felt for one another, and took you for am EMOTINAL “ROLLERCOASTER” ride! You DESERVE BETTER than what this guy is WILLING or even CAPABLE of GIVING to you! You need to leave him to his emotional quandries, to figure out just what He wants in his life. If he wants to forgive his wife who betrayed his trust, but he still LOVES HER, then let them work things out between themselves. YOU ARE NOT part of that EQUATION! They were together and MARRIED before he even met you. They have a HISTORY, and until or if he figures out for himself who or what will make him happy and he moves on from this relationship.

    You should also keep your OPTIONS OPEN, as you have YOUR OWN LIFE TO LIVE. If this man comes to you after moving on, Divorcing his wife,…seperating their lives from one another. This MUST BE “HIS CHOICE” and cannot be forced by you or anyone else.

    Meanwhile, keep dating, keep enjoying your life. Don’t let this guys “ISSUES” override your own chance at HAPPINESS and finding someone who is truly AVAILABLE and wanting to be WITH YOU!

    Good Luck, GF! Just FOCUS on YOUR LIFE! And look above for guidance from GOD to help you get your life back on track! May this be the year for you to find “TRUE LOVE”!!

    ~Chris~

    BTW, you did’nt mention how old both of you are. But I am guessing that you are younger than he is.
    Maybe, not. But, you my dear if nothing else “MOVE ON”….MOVE FORWARD and leave this guy in your wake! 🙂



  231.  #231Gina on January 4, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    Ladies thanks for the feedback way up there about me going to Ds restaurant. I know I got a right to go there, but it felt pretty bad to realize that I’ve been painted as “the enemy.” I definitely would have felt better if he had at least helped me through the uncomfortableness, but he added to it by acting like we didn’t just have sex twice the night before, and instead he acted like I was out of line to even be there. I haven’t heard from him since. Which is fine, because until he heals from all kinds of weirdnesses, I don’t even wanna be involved. Though I do feel lonely and bored right now. boo.



  232.  #232Gina on January 4, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    I agree with Daria – a guy who doesn’t step up isn’t “good”



  233.  #233Alicia on January 4, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    How do u sirens feel about Brad Womac being the new Bachelor??



  234.  #234Gina on January 4, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    Back to the whole “humiliation” thing. maybe that wasn’t the right word. There were moments I felt so monumentally vulnerable and nervous and uncomfortable (cause the restaurant is one that I trained at, but I didn’t make it through training cause it was not my speed. I have always felt guilty cause they paid me for training, and I didn’t want to follow through. Plus it’s awkward cause I went from being failed trainee to being in the upper management circle with D. I witnessed his Boss committing adultery, etc. And then I show up on New Years Eve, and I’m right there next to his Boss’ wife, having to make pleasantries. Oh so awkward. My mom thinks I shouldn’t judge him right now cause he’s a basket case. She says I should just move on for now, and I’ll know whether I should go back to D if he makes it clear that he doesn’t care what anyone thinks, he’s making choices for his life, and he includes me in it. I think that’s pretty good advice, though I feel tempted to judge him.

    Bla. I’m just BORED. I’ve been obsessing over politics. I got in an argument with some guy at work who usually just thinks I’m hot. But now we are dissecting opinions, and it’s not sexy. He’s all wrong, by the way…



  235.  #235Alicia on January 4, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    I like it that he had 3 years of therapy.. And I do feel not suprised that he didn’t pick a girl in the first season.. In that atmosphere with one man and 20 women the girls all lean forward to win his attention. Versus when it’s the bachlorette where 20 men are stepping up to win one girl..



  236.  #236Gina on January 4, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    Oooh Alicia,
    I’m so glad you’re bringin up the Bachelor. I only watched a couple of minutes, and I felt sorry for him. Poor guy!!!! I didn’t watch him before, though, so maybe I don’t get it. But to me he’s been a punching bag for women who are mad at other men. I like him much more than I ever liked Jake (blech) – I feel hopeful that he’s genuine.



  237.  #237lisa on January 5, 2011 at 2:48 am

    I just wanted to thank people for all the support on here and positivity.
    I posted early on and was in a situation that I felt was heart breaking and unresolvable.
    I am really pleased to report that as I type that my ex (no longer an ex) has called me and left a voice mail wanting for us to meet and telling me that he misses my company terribly.
    Iam going to meet him for coffee on Saturday morning and I know that we have an amazing future.
    Belive in a better tomorrow, belive in a better now, the universe wants to give it to you.Always think about the best outcome and that is what you will achieve.
    Practise what Rori teaches – work on you – it doesnt matter what anyone thinks – its all about you and how you feel and what you think. Nothing else matters. Ask and it is given.



  238.  #238Alicia on January 5, 2011 at 2:51 am

    LISA – That is awesome!!!! I bet you feel good!

    How did that come about.. you let go and he called. Did u CD?

    happy for u 🙂



  239.  #239Alicia on January 5, 2011 at 2:55 am

    Janie,

    It means we have “insomina” lol……….

    I admit it.. or maybe I slept all day and I am up all night. I’m on vaca..



  240.  #240lisa on January 5, 2011 at 3:05 am

    Hi Alicia,

    I have been practising The Secrect for a long time – I stopped over Christmas and my outlook changed, I began to worry that he would leave and he did.

    I have worked on me and let go. The more negative attention you give something, the more you worry ,the more you talk about a lack of something in your life, the more you write about a lack of something in your life, the more lack of what you want is what you will get!
    It is a little tricky to get your head around at first but I whole heartedly belive in it.
    Let go and truely belive it will happen, expect it and it will and it really did!!!



  241.  #241Alicia on January 5, 2011 at 3:17 am

    Thanks Lisa..
    I experienced that.. and the tricky thing is counseling and even Rori talks about getting in touch with the anger.. and the love comes up. So lots of threapy felt icky for a while.. but, I always try to process it out or down till I feel my wants and forgiveness, and worth and good again.

    omg.. lol. a white cat is staring at me outside my window. I almost had a heart attack.. lol.

    Well, I’m happy for you.. I want to know how the talk goes. Think you will cd still?



  242.  #242lisa on January 5, 2011 at 3:21 am

    I will let you know how It goes but i know it will all be ok now xx



  243.  #243Alicia on January 5, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    Rori and Sirens.. I have a funny confession to make.

    I took Rori’s letter writing a year from now letter a step farther. I was just at my grandmothers and she had a box of cards and one of them was a blank engagement wedding card. And I laughed but, I totally wrote my self a big.. CONGRATS to you and your soul mate. May you have a long life of happiness..

    Then I addressed it to myself stuck a stamp on it and put in her box to be sent to me. And yes it was silly but the feeling behind it was FUN..

    My grandma was like.. are u sending that to your self? lol.. And I smiled and shook my head no, it’s for a friend then said maybe.. haha

    In a few days I’ll get to be excited when I check the mail and get my suprise wedding card. And I already feel excited for the mail come. lol 🙂

    The feeling behind it totally fuels it. I luv it!!



  244.  #244Alicia on January 5, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    This writing exercise dated 2012 about 2011 is fun for me.

    I was already imaging it at christmas when I opened a suprise ring “looks like a big engagement ring” that I just loved and put under the tree. With a card.. I just told myself I was engaged to life, love and happiness and had I deserved, and the love around me. Then I opened it in private and totally was the same awesome feeling.

    The deal was I had to wait until christmas to open it. And there were days I was really wanting it. But the anticipation of getting it on christmas made me really excited.

    And it again it goes back to creating the feeling to form the real belief beacause your mind doesnt know the difference. So have fun with it. 🙂

    p.s. yes.. I was good at playing make believe as an only child. So, this just took me back to innocence.

    And lol… Back flash to child hood.. If my cat could’ve talked he would of told you about the little baby girl clothes I would dress him in and bottle I would try to feed him with in lue of my dolls.. Anyway.. imagination is a good thing. 🙂



  245.  #245Alicia on January 5, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    This worked totally in my life before. In middle school I was dying to be a cheerleader and in TX it was a big deal. We had 300 girls try out and 8 could make it. I put my mind literally to it. I practiced everyday but, less then a year. And some girls had been in classes for years and years. I didnt have a special edge other then I was friendly to everyone all groups the athletes to skaters. And honest.. the edge I had was mental.. I wrote out and drew cards that said Alicia Apache Cheerleader before I ever was one.

    Out of 300 girls who tried out. 8 made it. And I was one of them. It was amazing. I was shocked.. I know it had to do with visualizing.. and doodling and believing and sharing good vibes with people.. I remember being a little embarrased when some of my friends saw my doodle art of Alicia Cheerleader and they wondered when I got it or why I wrote it before try outs. But, it worked.. I had a true feeling behind it. So.. why not have more fun with it go cut out a pic of a place you want to honeymoon or have a sexy vaca with the love of your life. It can be a private thing..



  246.  #246lisa on January 6, 2011 at 12:06 am

    @ Alicia

    Hi Hon

    that is just what Iam talking about!!! it does nt matter how silly it sounds – visualising is what its all about – please check out the secret web and read the stories under relationships – along with that and Roris help it will inspire you – I loved reading your posts this morning!!!! Good for you!

    It works it truely does x



  247.  #247Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 1:18 am

    Sirens

    This is a feel good video and it gve me a lil tear. Maybe not a jolly funny one.. But, a loving feeling one.. You’ll feel loved. 😉

    Light up the sky –

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LQH6UDi15s



  248.  #248Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 1:24 am

    Thanks Lisa-

    My guy that brought me here.. has my dvd . The Secret.. lol. I know all about it. luv it!

    We watched it together a few times. And I left it as his house.. I havent seen him in a long time. But, he stills occupies the most space in my heart, I pushed him away out of fear… and now I’m in a better place
    so.. I hope we reconcile.

    Now I get the chance to cd a little more. I was at first with him then I got swept off my feet by him.. and had some huge life changes.

    Things are better and I hope him and I date again and I will continue to date other guys too if so. Rori’s program has proven to be right on. 🙂

    Did u meet you boyfriend? I’m assuming it went good.? 🙂



  249.  #249Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 1:25 am

    That song was also on the Hills when Audrina and Justin Bobby are on the boat after they reunite for an episode. lol



  250.  #250Wonder Woman on January 6, 2011 at 1:29 am

    Alicia

    I love the idea of getting engaged to life, love and happiness.

    A visual treat to remind me everyday of how far I have come and to remember what is important.

    That is an amazing idea.

    I am going to go buy a lovely ring……not an engagement ring or an expensive one, just one I fall in love with and wear it on my engagement finger.

    I feel excited about that. 🙂



  251.  #251Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 1:30 am

    I like the Secret..before I however I would mask feelings.. and there was a disconnect. It’s important for me to just feel them and let them pass. So, the more postivie ones come up are vibrant..



  252.  #252Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 1:38 am

    Wonder Woman-
    The ring I got was from Nordstrom.. It was like 80 bucks it could have been 5 bucks.. it was just a big sparkly fun thing that is my style. I saw it months before and played with it like it was a real enagement ring.. because it does look like one. And I liked it so much..but, didnt buy it. Well, I went back and they were all gone. There was this other one I thought I wanted more that was a birthstone…

    So the lady who works there was looking all over and going thru all her back stock for the birthstone one and she pops her head up and says.. Sorry, I only have this one ring left out the entire stock.. And it was the playful engagement one I tried on and adored.

    So, I said.. Wow.. okay, life is saying get this one. And I got the blingy one. I wear it on my pointer and sometimes on my ring finger right hand. But, the feeling was all the same. I luv it. xoxoxox

    I feel special every time I wear it..



  253.  #253Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 1:44 am

    Gina –

    You can watch the Bachelor on http://www.Hulu.com

    Both episodes and way less commercials. I liked it.

    Doroetha posted the link on the latest blog thread and I have it handy to.. for the Bachelor interested people who may have missed it. lol

    http://www.hulu.com/



  254.  #254Wonder Woman on January 6, 2011 at 2:06 am

    Alicia

    That is a great story about your ring.

    It made me smile. 🙂



  255.  #255Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 2:07 am

    This guy is a hot gentlemen.. this song feels good and I love that he steps up for his wife. Sweet!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLr6G8Xy5uc

    nighty night ladies..



  256.  #256Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 3:32 am

    Lisa-
    I went to The Secret web page but, I dont see a tab for relationships.. I see some stories I think..

    I’ll watch it on utube.



  257.  #257Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 3:40 am

    Lisa- Found it with a little exploring.

    THANK U



  258.  #258Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 3:51 am

    Lisa-

    I Feel so inspired!! Thanks.. Yes. apply the tools.. I’m so happy to be back on track.. it’s gonna happen I can feel it. yaaaay.. wow.. yippie skippy.



  259.  #259Alicia on January 6, 2011 at 3:54 am

    tadaaaa-

    And thanks for the letter idea Rori – Also, part of the plan..

    The Secret relationship sucess stories and return of boyfriends.

    Great ideas.. I’m still going to cd

    http://thesecret.tv/stories/stories-tagged.html?tag=relationships



  260.  #260ana on January 7, 2011 at 11:36 am

    Hello, this is my first time here I really need help on what to do. I been dating this guy for 7 months and he told me he was married, and he wants to keep going with the relationship. I know what’s the right thing to do, but it’s hard to say goo bye..
    I have not seen him since the day he told me he was married. I changed my phone number,but he keeps sends me e-mails…help me please



  261.  #261Rori Raye on January 7, 2011 at 11:46 am

    ana – you’re doing the right thing. NO CONTACT!!! End of story!!!! He’s a cheater and a liar – if he didn’t tell you he was married until 7 months in – you must feel infuriated. DUMP HIM! !!Love, Rori



  262.  #262Rori Raye on January 7, 2011 at 11:46 am

    ana – block his emails, too…Rori



  263.  #263Alicia on January 7, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Sirens

    This is amazing. This goes along with what Rori said about are bodies holding onto to sub concious beliefs stored in our cells and how to harmonize them and get rid of sub-concious holding patterns that we are not aware of.

    Dr.Wiessman was on hayhouse radio and I went to utube to see him in person…

    Please try it! Speaking infinite love and gratitude makes you ten times stronger. Take the arm test! 🙂 You’ll love it.

    I got it on so many other levels… This just magnifies about attracting love, too.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dRcPBu9KZc



  264.  #264Alicia on January 7, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Here is a sample of the radio show.. This is right on!!!

    I like the video above too.. This is very healing!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ferQ8IeuWX0



  265.  #265Alicia on January 7, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    We are made up of soo much water.. Very powerful.

    Teacher created this slideshow to show students how our thoughts effect our lives. How water is effected by different words, sounds and images. It’s response to words, images in our body under the microscope.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnbZN54IZNE



  266.  #266Alicia on January 7, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    We are made up of soo much water.. Very powerful.

    Teacher created this slideshow to show students how our thoughts effect our lives. How water is effected by different words, sounds and images. It’s response to words, images in our body under the microscope.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnbZN54IZNE



  267.  #267Alicia on January 7, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Lisa _

    Oh yaaaaay! My (heart) guy emailed me today! A total suprise.. I feel happy. A good step in the right direction. This stuff works 🙂 We are starting to communicate sweet and normal again after a long time out… it’s on.

    Keep shining!



  268.  #268ana on January 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    Thank you Rori
    for responding
    I just feel so used.Especially because I got divorce a year ago..Know I feel so lonely..



  269.  #269Alicia on January 9, 2011 at 4:30 am

    Lisa-
    I saw this and thought of you. You might really like this web site since your into the law of attraction. Anyone can check it out. I saved some of the photos to my computer for a vision board.

    It’s like a facebook or blog for The Secret

    http://www.powerfulintentions.org/



  270.  #270Brenda on January 13, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    Alicia,

    I appreciate all your encouraging ideas and links!



  271.  #271upset ddob... on February 1, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    ok
    Sorry I’m off topic I couldnt’ find how to start a new question on the new blog!! help!!
    QUESTION AND BACKGROUND
    After listening to Rori’s blue print, and e book-
    so I’m in an exclusive monogomous relationship- and my guy after 7 nearly 8 months!! yes a great guy- but divorced 2 times- and just finished that one about 2 years ago (he has dated a couple of other women in between) – But today he said dont get him anything big for Vanlentines which tells me he’s not getting me a ring- and so he still has not made it clear where we are as far as our relationship future but for sure I know now not planning to give me a ring for Valentines- My family thought he would ask me on our fantastic vacaion- but we just came back from 11 days vacationing together (he paid most everything) and he made some comments that sounded like a future and others that made me know he was not-

    As Rori tells us- when we first started dating I said that I do want to get married – and asked him if he wanted to get married- he said yes he didnt want to live alone- and then 3 months into dating I asked him if we were heading toward marriage and he was like if we keep getting closer-and I told him I don’t want to stay if we are not heading toward marriage- it would be wasting my time- he had said if we grow closer and are compatible yes we would be leading toward marriage- but today I asked him if we are growing closer- leading toward anything and he said we could talk about it next week when Im not near my period so I wont take anything he says wrong- WRONG!??? which made me think he wasn’t going to say anything about any future marriage plans so I blurted out do you want me to date other people? he said NO! later on in the conversation I said well do you want to take a break?! no answer- we’ll talk when I get back- so that says to me- he’s only going to tell me when he gets back that he’s still not ready and he is still wanting to carry on the same way- with me not dating anyone else but him not making an engagement commitment I dont want to do that for much longer- I have a son- and Im sleeping with my guy- which is against my religious beliefs first of all and this guy has brought my son into our relationship- and I want to know if we are leading toward something or not-?! and I dont mean in 3 years either… I think I can give him to 1 year- which is only about 3.5 months- (He married his 2nd wife within 6 months and I married my ex after 9 months) so I know people know within that time! I wonder if I am just hormonal and my old boyfriend love of my life just happened to face book me and I called him back and told him I’m getting a divorce… and he wants to get together- and I said yes…
    but I may not- and he may not- he has been uncommitted to keeping dates for years-

    upset at don’t date others but….



  272.  #272Alicia on February 1, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    uPSET DOBB..

    If you copy and paste your note to the most latest blog entry by Rori on the main page. You will probably get more response.

    I’m confused in the last paragraph.. Are you not divorced? And hoping for a ring?

    Sounds like your man is in love with u.. And needs more time. And Rori would most likey tell you. To stay sexualy exclusive with him and start dating other people. Not giving a guy all of you is pretty much the way to make you the Target.

    1) you dont zero in on the guy your with.
    the vibe will switch in the air..

    Have you seen Modern Sirens?



  273.  #273upset ddob... on February 1, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    thanks!
    stay sexually exclusive- ?? and date?
    he told me he does not want me to date anyone else-

    and yes- been living in 2 different states- for over a year- and the divorce is final (would have been yesterday) but there is a court delay-



  274.  #274Tania Kay on February 3, 2011 at 3:34 am

    Hi Rori,

    I understand your changing of words to help you feel more positive about promising to do or change something important in your life..
    I must say tho after working with u and your courses for maybe 10 months or so i don’t hold so much importance on words anymore because i truly have worked with all the tools you have given us all as gifts. and feelings r what r important, the ones that hide behind the words..
    I would like to share something that helped me tremendously in business and can work so well for relationships as well.
    Write down your ultimate life. Everything you want in it.. Then backward plan.. Start at the end, start at your ultimate life then write down what happened just before u reached it, then just before that ,and just before that until you have worked backwards from your ultimate life to where you r now…
    Then re read it from beginning to end and you have an actual plan of how to achieve your ultimate life..
    Then work in straight lines.. just do the things every day that will get u to the first target, then the second until u reach your perfect lifes desire.. It works i promise..
    “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when
    you take your eyes off your goal.”
    — Henry Ford, founder of the Ford Motor Company