No Such Thing As Sex Too Soon! – And What If You Can Have It All?

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The Question:

“Hi Rori,  I wanted to ask what you your thoughts are on my current situation pertaining to me as a woman being to sexual too soon. I have recently gotten out of a very long relationship where there was very little sex. I waited for things to improve for many years and they did not, once I got older, in my 30s now, I realized this was not what I wanted for my life.

I could not picture staying in a sexless relationship any longer and for the first time in my life, despite the fear I felt I walked away from someone I loved a lot and who loved me but wouldn’t do the work to fix the sex part. Anyway I put my self on dating sites and a man asked me out for a drink and I went out.

Towards the end of date I did have two drinks, something in me felt like I needed physical intimacy so I asked the guy and of course he was delighted and we went to his place where we were intimate. Next day he texted me and said he had a great time that he would love to do it again. The following night I thought about the possibility of being with this man and exploring that sexual part of me that was dead for so many years.

He loved the idea. We had sex but there was no kissing involved which – has never ever happened before with other men i’ve dated.No kissing made me so sad and made me feel empty. I was so disappointed that after we were intimate I grabbed my stuff said goodbye and left. I haven’t heard back from this man and that is ok, but I am wondering if theres anyway this can be turned around.

I love to be in touch with the sexual part of me but I wonder if im leading with that and scaring men away. I guess I thought I wanted only sex but the more I think about it the more I realize as scary and impossible as it seems I want it all, that which I never had, love and sexual intimacy with a man. This realization makes me sad.

It makes me wonder if it’s even possible for me. Can I desire for these things from a man? The man I was with for so many years use to say sex was no important and I lived by that for so long that now I feel sad and lost. I cling on to the first man that comes along and i’m not even sure if im pushing men away or choosing unavailable ones.

This new man was very nice and except for the no kissing part which seems extremely odd to me. I wonder if I shouldn’t have taken this personal or embraced my sadness.

As for now I won’t do anything until I hear from him , but even then I wonder if theres anyway I can shift the dynamic because I had sex with him too soon. What to do if this man calls and wants to have sex again, when I had the realization I want it all, sex, love, commitment, kindness, and a beautiful relationship? Angela”

Natalina Love’s Answer:

Something beautiful you’ve said here, (and there’s so many gems!) is how it feels revealing to yourself the desire to have it all…. And the instincts to shut all of this down – which is exactly what all of Rori’s Siren tools are about helping us gently maneuver to stay open.

1. No such thing as Sex too soon for a Rori Raye Siren Girl.

Rori talks about this all the time – and even if you’re coming from hardcore purity culture and feel like you’ve ‘messed up’ somehow, the turnaround is all going to be ‘inner game stuff’ and Siren School has so many coaches who can hold your hand through this space.

If you can’t possibly mess up with a man, or have sex too soon – none of that is going to mess up your chance for happiness with a man. Oh for sure we can be tempted to let these things eat us up inside – BUT that’s why you’re here with Siren School – with Rori – because we’re not going to let you put yourself down 🙂

2. Wanting it all…. is good!!!

So, it’s not until we actually harness this ultra powerful energy – that actually becomes part of what makes us so F-ing attractive.

You might’ve seen Pretty Woman, right? Vivian’s Character Arc starts kinda shady but by the end had her deeply believing she was not only worthy of the ‘have it all’ dream – she was downright committed to it. So put that in your pocket for later.

While not all books and movie tropes are reality, there’s a lot of compelling truths folded in.

What we want to do, can do – you can do! is connect intimately with what you really want.

What is ‘having it all’? Your Have it all story – and all of ours are all different.

House? Kids? Great Sex? That may be just the tip of the iceberg…And what if that’s ok? What if it’s really just a tiny matter of bit by bit, seeing how do-able your wildest dreams are.

As far as the men who help to inspire these dreams, they’re part of the adventure as well. Some wind up being so inspired by us that they feel compelled to stick to us like glue… (or something more sexy than glue, ha!)

And then some of these men – are muses in other ways, and that’s more than just okay too.

With the man you’ve described, let’s assume you’ve done nothing wrong – and well actually, I’d say what happened with this man, even if you never wind up seeing him again was awesome if it shook you up enough to have you taking another look and feel into what you really want.

The up and down waves of emotions are simply part of the Siren adventure, and we’ve got tools for days to ease the panic and help us feel safe even when we feel unsure…. then soon enough even when you may not feel ‘steady’ your voice will reach your man’s heart. So, it’s really all perfect.

3. kissing!

a bold idea you may warm up to…. If this ever happens to you again – how gutsy would it feel to straight up and ask? you may be surprised….

Borrow this idea from Rori, me, and all of your Siren School cheer squad if it helps – you can’t possibly mess up in love. You’re learning tons – and totally on the right track.

If you can find yourself amused with any of these ideas, let me know, and we’ll get you paired up with a Siren coach genius for what you need most.

Siren Circle would give you a good 4-week kickstart with a great coach, that’s here,

Sirenity would get you a one of Rori’s experienced, certified coaches – Lylian or Naomie you may know (and will be guest hosting the feminine energy workshop this Sunday!), Mariah too! actually are all geniuses in this department

This is Sirenity the link to the 4-week Sirenity Private Coaching:

Or please feel free to ask me if you’ve got questions, I dont want you to feel pressured into anything that’s not aligned and I’d love to help you get what you need most.

Love, Natalina

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