navigationSo much to share from my English countryside road trip!

First up: Trade-Offs.

I like lush greenery everywhere, and am willing to be rained on for it.

And, at the same time – I miss the sun.

Yet – when the sun comes out and it’s hot – I feel dull and tired.

So…What am I willing to give up for…what?

I haven’t placed my priorities for nature and weather, but I have for relationship. What are yours?

Trade-offs in relationship:

Number one, always – he loves me.

He loves me, he’s devoted to me and my welfare, he looks out for me, he thinks of me first (or at least right after he thinks about himself).

Are you giving “devoted to you” men a chance and trading off for other things you’ve always thought are important?

Map-reading takes boy energy. (No GPS.)

When the woman becomes the “navigator” (that’s me…), or worse – the “driver” (not me…and I hope not you) – it leaves you open to frustration, tension, arguments, desperation for bathrooms and food.

Navigating the navigation issue became one of our marriage triumphs.

It’s about being a team and STILL being in your “girl” energy.

We used “navigation stress” to deepen our relationship.

Learning to “go with the flow.”

To love “getting lost.”

To prepare for being lost.

To trust each other.

To have a sense of humor about everything, to lose all sense of urgency, to work as a team.

It’s so easy to blame a man or yourself for anything that goes wrong, and so magical when you stop having to do that, even in your head.

“Navigation Teamwork” Requires Switching Hats.

It’s about “Logistics” in my “Love Scripts” program.

You read the map as best you can, you’re fearless and decisive about saying “turn left” and you completely surrender to where you end up.

You learn to love mistakes.

You don’t defend yourself, and you don’t blame him.

You learn to apologize, forgive yourself and him, and love wherever you are right now.

Love to hear your situations…

Love, Rori

 

1 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 7:03 am

    Trade-offs ha



  2.  #2Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 7:08 am

    It feels so comforting to know I don’t have to worry about making mistakes, with the right man.



  3.  #3Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Just posted that on the last post and realize there is a new one. You ladies have always be helpful to me in these situations so i am reposting it here…

    *****

    Ohhhh! I went to buy a coffee with a male coworker an I ran into P…

    He stoped, said hi, said I had a nice tan and that he was jealous because he spent his vacation in England and it was rainning all the time.

    I was burning to ask him about the soup receipe, I almost did. But I finaly handled it good and I didn’t say anything because I know it would have probably seems like manipulation or controling the outcome. I feel pretty proud of muself for not leaning foward. I feel a little disapointed thought since I should have sent a few FM wich I didn’t do.

    Wondering now, can I sent him a feeling message saying It felt good to run into him an I felt happy and warm to see him and to hear about his vacation? That would make me feel warm and inviting, no?

    I need your thoughts on this one sirens, and also suggestions of FM if you have some…



  4.  #4Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Lizka, I wouldn’t.



  5.  #5Spiral on January 12, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Wanna face a real relationship challenge? Try canoeing together!!
    OMG, my boyfriend and I floated around the middle of a lake for a half hour arguing about how to properly paddle! Because I weighed more than he did, I had to be in the back of the canoe, therefore in charge, in my boy energy, and he had to submit to me and just let me direct the canoe. So difficult but such an enlightening experience. 🙂



  6.  #6Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Spiral, In reconnect there is a row-boat tool. You have to let him row and lean back…



  7.  #7Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I suppose, reading Rori’s last blog post, I could have used humour to diffuse a lot of the tension during my vacation with M. If I could only change the past…



  8.  #8Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Lolita you can’t change the past but you can certainly work on your feelings on the inside of you and your communication to change what is happening in your world. Beating up on yourself will not achieve that. The past does not exist.



  9.  #9Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Ahh I don’t know what to do.

    I know FW you might be right.

    But I’ve been super radical in my leaning back in the last month and really i don’t feel good. I use to have more men attention when i was leaning foward once in a while. Right now no one is steping up and it makes me feel awful. And lonely.

    I don’t see it as leaning foward that much if i text how I feel. Just sharing feelings and soudig warm and inviting. I might do it. I’m still open to suggestion of script thougt…



  10.  #10Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Lizka I have seen many women come and go on this forum. When they lean forward the guy might respond positively, but in the short term. Eventually it goes back to square one with the man doing what he was doing and the woman feeling bad. It has been the same experience I have had. When you lean back you give the man a chance to show you what he wants in a relationship with you. He gets to show what he is about and what kind of relationship he is interested in. You leaning forward is showing what you want and he might experience it as being disrespectful of his choice.



  11.  #11Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Lizka I don’t feel good about it either so I ask myself what does the feeling mean? For me it means that I am a girl and I want attention. And like every other girl when I don’t get attention I feel bad. So I choose to do things and think about things that make me feel good like dancing. I also circular date so I can get the male attention that I crave.

    Your text might arrive at the wrong moment which could cause the man to feel annoyed.

    It might get him feeling high with his ego boosted because a girl is chasing him. But then he gets bored because he is a man and want to chase. I just had a guy on the phone earlier who said that to me. He asked what do you think a man would be interested in or attracted to? He said sex. I imagine they might think I am interested in the same thing when I chase them. What if they are not interested in sex at moment or maybe not available for sex at that moment? Then what?



  12.  #12Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 8:31 am

    FW –

    I am seriously considering what you are saying. I know you are probably right. I so want to sent the message. I haven’t yet. I am still thinking. This is a good thing. The more I think, the more chances I will not send it.

    This feels so hard to do….



  13.  #13Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 8:35 am

    oh FW your message in 11 feels so true. I’m almost convinced now. Thank you so much.

    Still have a little doubt but lunch time is aproaching, I will go do some shopping and have some relaxing time, might forget about the text…

    Ah this feels good. Thank you again.



  14.  #14Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 8:42 am

    How to know he is serious about you from Alexandra Fox:-

    He will tell you things like “I want to have a family with you someday”, or “I want to take this relationship to the next level”.

    When he tells you these things you should never assume that these words mean the same to you as they mean to him.

    You should always clarify if there is something ambiguous and not exactly clear.

    Don’t make up words for blanks in his sentences.

    This is because a man can often say these things in relation to himself and whomever else will come along down the line, and not in relation to you at all.

    This is where a lot of women get confused.

    So, let me clarify; If a man says “I want to have a family and children someday” and is looking at you at the same time, this should not be misinterpreted
    as if he was nearly proposing to you.

    This really only means that he is thinking out loud and that he is thinking about HIMSELF while he says that.

    If, on the other hand, he says to YOU: “I want to have a family and children with YOU one day” this means
    that he is thinking of you and he as a couple with a future potential.

    Sign # 2 – Your guy does not keep secrets from you

    He wants you to know his whereabouts.

    If he doesn’t call you a day or two he will text you or email you to let you know what’s going on so that you wouldn’t worry about why he is not calling.

    When a man is serious about you and treats you as his girlfriend, usually a day won’t go by without him calling you.

    When he goes away on business trips he lets you know in advance and will call you when he is away.

    If he is spending an evening playing poker with his friends he will also make it known to you in advance.

    He assumes that unless both of you have serious prior commitments you spend most of your free time together; and when he is doing things he likes to do he always extends an invitation to you, so that you have an open invitation to wherever he is going.

    He wants to introduce you to his life and the things
    that he likes hoping that one day you will be together and you will be well adjusted to his life style and his interests.



  15.  #15Lush_Oasis on January 12, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Good morning, Sirens! It feels so peaceful on the island this morning. Phew 🙂

    I feel timid about the CD that I have yet to meet in person. We have talked (text mostly; email or phone) just about every evening for the past week and a few days.

    With each passing day, I have learned more and more about him. Nothing that sends me running for the hills yet … just feelings of insecurity from my past.

    CD has been married – twice with the last divorce final over 10 years ago. When I asked him if he has a tendency to fall in love too easily or quickly, he said no. (This was a repeat behavior from one of my past relationships that obviously didn’t work; so I feel leery when I find out someone’s been married more than once and one of them being dissolved because “it just didn’t work”).

    [conversation continues] … then CD mentions that he doesn’t know how to explain it, but he already feels connected to me somehow. That he already wants to help me, take care of things, etc. and that he feels protective of me and would want to make sure that nothing happens to me. I asked how he felt about his comments, and he said he was surprised by all of his reactions … that he doesn’t fall in love easily [yet he has] and that he isn’t the jealous type [yet he totally wants to protect me].

    I’m trying so hard to keep my focus on him as a new relationship and not compare him to any of my past experiences or relationships with others.

    But, I’m feeling cautious because he told me last night that he loves me. Before last night, it was always an indirect statement, then last night, it was an all out writing of these words. I think I felt my breath catch in my throat for a bit before I recovered.

    I’ve been open with him and mentioned to him how I feel hearing that without even meeting him yet. That to hear those words make me feel special, adored, important… but that they also make me feel scared, concerned, and worried. He didn’t push the issue, and I didn’t either.

    He’s well aware of my situation (financially), and has already commented that things will be fine; that ‘we’ should be okay with the income he makes, etc. and that he wants to take care of me.

    OMG. I feel all love-struck, but totally holding back (and I know it, I feel it, I sense it). I told him that I feel my walls are up and guarding me. I told him that I feel worried that he feels all these things (which are great things to feel — just odd that he feels so strongly before physically meeting me (IMO).

    He loves the way that I can be so lady-like and still talk about any thing without making him feel that he did something wrong. OMG — I’m feeling so proud of myself — huge leaps and bounds from where I used to be before Rori :-).

    But, I read from one of you sirens last night about “parroting” the I love you. I definitely was not feeling ready to repeat that to him after he told me. Yes, I realize it took a lot of nerves for him to actually write it … but … I feel that I’m waiting for the actual meeting to see if there’s a physical “like” there, too. Is that wrong? I’ve seen his portrait [as he has seen mine — just one] but still I hold back.

    To put our conversations in perspective … the time that we have spent talking with each other for the past week would be equal to actual face-to-face dating time for 4 dates [3 hours each] every week over an entire month — if it were me and another CD (or more CDs).

    There are some concerns that I’ve mentioned to him as the ‘icky’ feeling developed because of whatever was mentioned or said. Yay — another milestone for me — I used to stuff it and let whatever it was fester until it blew up later in an argument. Oh I have come so far in my journey.

    Sirens – help. Is it wrong for me to hold back on my feelings for him? Is it wrong to knowingly throw up my walls to guard myself? What are your thoughts?

    Hope you all have a great day!



  16.  #16lk on January 12, 2012 at 8:53 am

    @ lizka

    baby PLEASE don’t send the text !

    you both saw each other. he will contact you some time. you can give him a feeling message then.

    otherwise…. i agree with FW. you’ll be the Driver – you’ll be Navigating awwww i don’t want to do that !

    lol : ) i feel stressed about this a little for some reason

    breathing on it, going to go pee & get a cup of coffee.

    please don’t text him : )



  17.  #17Hopeful on January 12, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Does anyone know which Section/Chapter in Love Scripts (Dating or Relationships) has info about Highly Sensitive Men? I was thinking Rori talked about it somewhere, but I am not sure where it is. Does anyone know?

    Thanks.



  18.  #18lk on January 12, 2012 at 8:57 am

    @Lush-Oasis

    wow ! that sounds really interesting & intense…

    i would feel special & intrigued by the I Love You… but I wouldn’t want to get into Imaginary Land…. I myself couldn’t feel Love unless i’d been corresponding with someone for months or had met them in person…. i think …. : ) lol but life is so mysterious : )

    um, so when will you meet each other ? i feel very curious ! : )



  19.  #19Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Lush you haven’t met him so you can’t possibly be in love with him. It is my experience though that guys talk that way. I believe it is the siren vibe that suckers them so they throw caution to the wind. We build attraction and romance as we get to know them through their consistency, their words that we can trust and the ACTIONS they show towards. As they say “talk is cheap” so allow him to act in the ways that feel comfortable to him. Give him up to the 5 month mark to see what he does then.



  20.  #20Starla on January 12, 2012 at 9:06 am

    lizka, when in doubt lean back

    i actively leaned forward last night and left a voicemail saying goodnight and sweet dreams, for the first time in SIX MONTHS. i decided to go for it because i just wanted to, and getting caught up in “rules” is sometimes hurting me and my relationship more than leaning forward would. but if i had been doing it so that he knows i’m interested or with any sort of motive or agenda, i wouldn’t have felt okay.

    for the record, he woke up to my message, and then called me a bazillion times until i answered, and when i did, he was like HEY YOU ANSWERED! hehehe it was cute, i like talking to him in the morning.

    i’m not supposed to be posting while at work but i’m such a bad girl…



  21.  #21Starla on January 12, 2012 at 9:10 am

    however, i’m all for you trying to work out feeling messages in french here, even if you won’t use them. i love other languages and haven’t the slightest clue how to use the english “i feel” in a natural way yet in other languages.



  22.  #22Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 9:13 am

    lk 16

    You’re so cute!

    I don’t want you to feel stressed. But it feels good to see that you care.

    I haven’t send the text. Not feeling too much like sending it any more.

    I love this blog and the supportive sirens.

    I love you lk. xoxo



  23.  #23Hopeful on January 12, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Canoeing together is a huge challenge. We decided to use single kayaks when we go paddling – which isn’t that often – but in single person kayaks no one leads and no one follows.

    Rori’s take on being the navigator is very interesting. My husband wants to have all the directions organized before we get in the car. If I go on my own, I drive my instinct. I kinda know where I want to go, and just end up there. I don’t mind a few wrong turns. And I always have my smart phone and can google it. My husband just hates this kind of driving – he wants to take the direct route and gets frustrated when anything goes wrong. And he hates it when I say go that way, instead of Turn Right. I should probably work on that one.

    So this info from Rori is quite interesting. He always wants me to print out the directions before we go somewhere – I am better at the computer – but I wish he would just look up the directions himself and print them out – they are a priority to him not me. Not sure if pushing that is a good idea or not.

    In the meantime, I am going to print this article out and ponder it. We often argue in the car about directions. I feel like the burden does fall on me and he gets irritated/impatient easily when driving to a new place. I try to not get angry back. But I probably do defend myself too much, even when there is road construction/close roads, which is such a way of life where I live. I need I need to learn to say OOPS, and joke, I wish the roads would be more cooperative – or something like that.

    Hmmmm……



  24.  #24Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 9:20 am

    To PRACTICE doing them all day long..

    And it has to do with “intimacy.”

    When your goal is simply to speak the truth to a man in Feeling Messages – and you write out your thoughts and translate them to Feeling Messages beforehand – that’s “Scripting!”

    Here are some examples that will help you get a feel for how Love Scripts works:

    Here’s a letter from Jean who’s clearly starting with the words her mind thinks up – and which won’t work at all:

    “Rori, I want my relationship with my boyfriend to “go” somewhere – and it’s stalled and I hate it. Here are some of the things I’d like to tell him:

    ‘You never make plans anymore – it’s always me making plans for the two of us. If I don’t make the plans – nothing happens, we just sit and watch TV.

    I need for you to move this relationship forward, and I want to improve our connection by doing more things together.’

    Rori, please, tell me what I should say, Love, Jean”

    AND HERE’S MY ANSWER AND MY “TWEAKS”:

    These are wonderful starters for Feeling Messages – writing down what you want to say, and then tweaking it is the way to go to learn how to create and “deliver” Feeling Messages.

    And my tweaks would be this:

    “I feel bad and uncomfortable without plans for the two of us anymore. I miss that.”

    Then “I feel so alone and lonely and like I’m single and leading a life so separate from you. I miss you. I miss feeling close to you.”

    I don’t want a relationship with you right now that feels like just dating.”

    I feel weird, like we have no plans together. I feel disconnected. I miss doing things together.

    Can you see the differences?

    In Jean’s first draft – she talks about HIM, and what he’s doing and not doing, and what she “thinks” he could do, or they could do to solve the problem.

    In my tweak – she only talks about herself.

    She only says the word “you” as a frame of reference – so he knows what she’s talking about.

    She never asks him to do anything, never makes him wrong, never asks him why he’s acting the way he does.

    Scripting is the way to go – because so often, when we’re in the middle of a situation, we feel fear and tension and instinctively go back to our old habits (the ones that didn’t work before and never will!

    Love, Rori



  25.  #25Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Soooooo. I haven’t send the text and I feel good and proud. Wouhou!!

    And in the mean time, LaughingCD texted me. I feel kind of weird about his text though… He said that his friend will contact me soon (relating to my work, to do business together…). And then he add “Make him rich! [as a joke] So you will have a big commission and you will be able to invite me for dinner”…

    Hum… What I read here is that he wants to see me again… but he is also expecting ME to lean foward, invite him, and PAY… that doesn’t feel good. I have no idea what to answer to that.

    I feel really weird saying “I’m old fashioned and I don’t want to invite a man dinner”. He knows me for long time. We have dated a few years ago, lol, he knows I was NOT old fashioned at that time…

    I feel good hearing from them, I feel good that he wants me to invite him, but I DON’T want to invite him and I surely DON’T want to pay for dinner…

    weird stuff… Don’t know what to say… But I do feel like answering though…



  26.  #26Miss Bells on January 12, 2012 at 9:24 am

    When we road trip HS wants ME to read the map because he is driving. Then he gets mad at how I read the map. I am considering telling him “you know this navigation job just isn’t my thing” in a playful tone next time the situation arises…



  27.  #27lk on January 12, 2012 at 9:25 am

    @Starla & @Lizka

    hmmm i feel thoughtful about this…

    i definitely feel good leaning back. but there is no problem with leaning forward in my opinion – AS LONG AS HE IS *ALREADY* DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT

    i call men whenever i want to. although i want to first be certain there is no conceivable way that his response (no answer, brusque/hurried conversation, etc.) will upset me. & also that i’m not Looking For a specific response to feel good. i want to feel good all on my own, no man tied to my emotional health.

    Rori’s tools are TOOLS for me, not a lifestyle.

    i feel happy about that, & also a little alienated… & afraid of being seen as Lesser now… but i feel really good actually & super-pleased with my relationship & my men.

    i agree there are dangers in leaning forward, but I’m a complicated person & I trust my different parts to take care of me in ways that feel good.

    HOWEVER, Lizka, I still wouldn’t txt P. is he doing everything you would want your ideal partner to be doing for you ? it doesn’t sound like it to me. i wouldn’t want to txt him.



  28.  #28Silver Moonbeam on January 12, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Dear Friends,

    This insightful observation is by the French writer Joseph Joubert (1754-1824):

    “Misery is almost always the result of thinking”.
    To find out whether this is true, try this experiment next time you are unhappy: disentangle your thoughts from the situation, then look at the situation without the thoughts (or realize that the entire problematic situation was never real, such as when you worry).

    When you face the simple ‘isness’ of the present moment (it’s all there ever is), misery has nothing to hang on to any more.

    Amazing, isn’t it?

    Be well, be at peace.

    Eckhart Tolle



  29.  #29Radiance on January 12, 2012 at 9:26 am

    I know various Sirens have posted links to Abraham videos… and I thank you.

    I followed a link that was posted in the previous blogpost’s comments and then found some other Abraham videos that really speak to me and my processing right now… Oh, such good stuff.

    Wow!… wow and wow. So supportive. Oh, I feel content. I feel warm and I feel so alive and on track with loving myself.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0h8JLtDaRA&feature=related

    Marriage vows: “I like you pretty good, let’s see how it goes…. I see myself as having a predominant relationship with my inner being…. My relationship that is dominant is my relationship with who I really am and everything else is somewhere on the list…. Therefore it is my promise to you that I will find a way to stay in alignment… regardless of what you do. Because if I make what you do the reason that I feel good or don’t feel good, then I would have to control you which I can not do and even if I could you’d run away if you could. In other words the tenet of every being is Freedom. Freedom. And you just gotta accept that those marriage vows, every one of them, most of those, are written from outside the vortex. It’s this guarded thing that says: “I need you to promise that no matter what you will stay right here with me and only with me.” And there’s a really screwy thing that goes on in any relationship that says: “Here we are two people and I want to be all things for you and I want you to be all things for me.”

    Unfaithful to her Again 17:15

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcgJ20CQTO8&feature=related

    9mins in:
    You have a choice of choosing how you feel…
    You’d rather know the truth than feel better. Almost everyone would agree with you: “I’d rather know the truth and feel rotten than not know the truth and feel better.” And this is the orientation that we’re wanting to bring you around to, we’re wanting you to know the truth and feel better too…

    Which thought feels better: My husband was unfaithful to me*. OR My husband is unfaithful to me.

    Which thought feels better: My husband was unfaithful to me. OR My husband is a thriving sexual being at the height of his sexuality*.

    Which thought feels better: My husband is a thriving sexual being at the height of his sexuality* OR The sexuality in my husband has withered and he has no interest in it whatsoever.

    Which feels better: We are innately sexual beings whose desires are very powerful OR We have the ability to limit ourselves in many ways.

    Because what we’re getting at here is that as physical humans, you really do interesting things to one another…

    We’ve been talking about how it is very common to say “This thought makes me feel good and this thought makes me feel bad and therefore the people who are important to me must do this so I can feel good.” Because what you are actually saying to others is:

    “It is your responsibility to deny your natural instincts and to do what is biologically unnatural in order to perform a behavior that makes it easier for me to feel good.”

    “My happiness depends upon your behavior and it is up to you to control yourself in these ways.”…

    Most women would say: “He made a promise to me that he did not keep.” You would be ever so much kinder to each other if you would not make each other promise to behave in certain ways so that you can be joyful. Because it is not possible to behave in all ways that make others joyful.

    … you are asking them to live up to standards that are necessary before you can feel good….

    You will discover the most extraordinary of relationships when you say to everyone that you love “Be as you be and I will choose to feel as I choose to feel.”

    Discover the joy in feeling good anyway.

    Not forgiving him holds you in resistance to well being.

    We learn as we go. And we make decisions along the way. You can’t go back and undo…



  30.  #30Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Starla – I love your story. It’s cute. I want to have someone calling me in the morning too…



  31.  #31Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 9:32 am

    You can inspire a man to WANT to make you happy, and inspire him to feel passionate about you.

    >>”INSPIRING” VERSUS “CONVINCING” A MAN

    The difference between “inspiring” a man and “convincing” him is an important one.

    When you inspire, you are doing things to feel better about YOURSELF, and you’re committing yourself to understanding your man and nurturing your relationship.

    When you convince, you TALK or do things to manipulate a man into feeling a certain way. These are often emotionally charged conversations that can leave you both feeling drained. You also quickly realize that a man isn’t going to feel warm and fuzzy about you because you’re telling him how unhappy he makes you.

    Here’s the deal…

    The #1 truth about men in relationships is that they want to make their woman happy. He wants to FEEL that it’s easy to please you, and that you can feel good about yourself without much “work” on his part.

    That’s right. He wants to be with a woman who is a genuinely happy person, with or without him.

    When a man says that a woman makes him happy, what he’s usually really saying is that he feels it’s easy to make HER happy.

    So the question now is, what can you do to get back to the content, joyful woman you used to be?

    How can you be happy again, with or without him?

    1. The best thing you can do right now is to work on being the best person you can be, inside and out, so that YOU feel good again, regardless of what happens in the end with your relationship.

    2. Stop doing the things you know aren’t working – including having emotionally-charged conversations instead of COMMUNICATING and building UNDERSTANDING. This is a crucial step

    CCarter



  32.  #32lk on January 12, 2012 at 9:33 am

    ………..like…. i was riffing through this last night…. but ….. i can see how sometimes, Not Calling is actually Leaning Forward & how sometimes Calling is Leaning Back : ) or…. something. i can’t make it all into perfect logical sense. but it makes emotional sense to me : )



  33.  #33Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Lizka that sounds to me like he has “friend zoned” you in his mind. He is doing you a favor as a friend for hooking you up to this man and he wants the favor returned to both him and this guy.



  34.  #34Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Lizka, you are doubting, so don’t send it. If it doesn’t feel 100% right, then it’s not and to quote Rori you ‘are trying to disctract yourself from the discomfort you feel’ from him not reaching out to you. When you saw him, did you do the lean back in physical mode, ie. one foot behind the other and leaned back your whole body?



  35.  #35Lush_Oasis on January 12, 2012 at 9:39 am

    @lk #18

    I totally relate to your personality and feel happy when I read your ‘good-vibe’ postings. I feel sad with your ‘upset-vibe’ postings. And laugh at the quirky postings because I can totally feel the same way. 🙂

    Anyway … CD and I are meeting in 2 days! EEK! I feel excited. I have so much prep work to be done — showers, hair, clothing, etc. etc. oh my.

    He’s driving; he’s bringing a blanket for the car so that I don’t get cold (weather is supposed to be freezing! ugh) and … he’s bringing his guitar too. I had mentioned it would feel awesome to hear him play someday when he was comfortable; suppose that would be this weekend! Wow .. I feel all girly.

    I agree — life is mysterious and I feel completely grounded in the moment, just blown away by how much of an impact his conversations are having for me.

    ***

    @FW #19

    I always appreciate your advice. I also agree that actions are way more powerful than words. So far, CD’s actions are outdoing his words by leaps and bounds. Thank you for helping me feel grounded.

    I feel fascinated by the fast-forward timeline of getting to know him, and just want to watch from the stadium as the picture unfolds — one feeling message at a time. 🙂 omg its fascinating. 😆

    Absolutely wouldn’t want to feel foolish by embarking on a journey too soon.

    ***
    Which makes me feel confused … I know that many coaches have their rules … don’t do this until after date #x; do that; wait for that until X; etc. But, sometimes, it feels as if the ‘rules’ were developed in a different generation and with the advent of social networking, online dating, texting, etc., are such things on a modified time scale now? Certainly with other CDs I follow my gut – if it feels right … see what happens. If it doesn’t feel right – don’t do anything 🙂 yay!

    Like, in this example, if we had actual face-to-face dates during these conversations; a month would have passed. So, when I read that you should wait until date #X before doing something, it seems that date #x would have already happened weeks ago. Make sense?

    Oh anyway … suppose I’m just rambling now. I appreciate your feedback and suggestions, as always 🙂



  36.  #36Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Lizka how about “thanks for the help. I must really be a girl because it felt weird thinking about paying for a man’s dinner. I love to receive from men ha!!! I really am a girly girl. Love me”!!

    Assume he was joking in your mind and maybe joke back.



  37.  #37Silver Moonbeam on January 12, 2012 at 9:42 am

    #19 FW to Lush Oasis:

    “Lush you haven’t met him so you can’t possibly be in love with him”

    (a la Byron Katie)

    Is it true?

    Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

    I felt like my balloon had burst reading this response to Lush, like a lead balloon, like all the joy was sucked out of the magic feeling, like there were no surprises left in the world, that the happy feeling was belittled, that everything has to be cut and dried and conformed and packaged to fit into the “correct” little niche.

    Who knows what is around the corner for any of us.

    Yes it pays to be wary especially when we haven’t even met the person, but don’t dismiss things just like that, the world is not black and white but all spectrums of the rainbow.

    Love comes in many forms and shapes as we all know from the many stories on this blog………….

    Be surprised as Rori would say………



  38.  #38Hopeful on January 12, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Hmm, maybe the Highly Sensitive Men thing is in Toxic Men. Does anyone remember what Rori advices that we do?

    Thanks.



  39.  #39lk on January 12, 2012 at 9:44 am

    @FW & @Lizka 35

    wow i love it !



  40.  #40Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 9:45 am

    FW 35 –

    Love it 🙂

    I guess he was kind of joking, but I think he is indeed expecting me to pay because he mentioned it last time we went for lunch…

    I will say exactly what you said, but I will replace “it felt weird thinking about paying for a man’s dinner” by “inviting a man for dinner”

    Feels more safe and less weird…



  41.  #41Lush_Oasis on January 12, 2012 at 9:54 am

    @ 36 Silver Moonbeam

    (btw — totally feeling the vibe on the name change 🙂 ) I feel shocked and amazed, indeed, by CD. I feel very thankful to have this chance to speak with him, as it helps me with my feeling messages and we have openly discussed the goods and bads of our separate lives — and he hasn’t run for this hills. Even when I told him I can feel myself getting out the bricks and the mortar and the trowel to build my walls so I don’t feel misguided or deceived. He waits … he’s quiet … then comes back with an awesome message about how “love doesn’t see the imperfections, etc.” … and that he’s willing to take the time to learn about me; about the ‘us’ that hasn’t met yet. OMG … yay!

    LOL .. I am definitely suprised … I feel happy to know this CD and I feel excited to meet him soon! phew!

    ***
    @Hopeful #37

    I don’t remember the program, but I like your name. I tend to feel hopeful about a lot of things lately — your name just makes sure I remain hopeful and not shut off to the possibilities.



  42.  #42Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 9:57 am

    @FW #14 – reading that made me feel so sad. I don’t feel like any man has ever done that for me and I don’t feel like any man ever will. 🙁 I really feel like I need to love myself right now. I feel quiet, and when I feel happy I feel effusive and bubbly. But no, I just feel quiet and sad and not good enough.

    Why do I feel that way? I am SO good enough! I am more than enough! I am perfect, just the way I am. With all my feelings; curious feelings, playful feelings, shy feelings, little girl feelings, and also my more womanly feelings. I want to feel powerful and attractive and mysterious and I know I am!

    I feel scared to lean back when so many other women lean forward and seem to reap more benefit.

    This is what I’ve seen another woman do: commanding his attention when he hasn’t approached, playfully touching his knee, writing on his FB wall, mostly things that Rori says not to do, and yet she seems to get results.

    But what kind of results? Long term? Only time will tell.

    I feel like I need to be more patient. I know he’s interested. I feel like he likes that I lean back, because it shows that I trust him. I do trust him. It feels good to trust him…

    Tonight I’m going to use my boy energy to romance myself. I’m going to cook myself a good meal. Make my home environment pretty and make it smell good. Write in my journals. Maybe drive out to the bookstore and sip coffee…drive…photograph the sunset…forgive myself. Be kind to myself. Love myself…



  43.  #43Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 10:05 am

    @Lush_Oasis #15 – Something about this man makes me feel nervous for you. Why is he being so open with his “feelings” for you when he hasn’t even met you in person in order to “feel” anything? It almost sounds like he has an agenda, or is insecure and so is saying all the “right words” so that you’ll feel good with him when you actually meet him in person. My question is why does he feel the need to do that? I know it feels good when a man is attracted to an image of you and so feeds you things you want to hear, but he is merely attracted to an “image” of you, not the “actual” you. And isn’t that what you really want?

    I hope that doesn’t sound judgmental, I just feel nervous for you…



  44.  #44lk on January 12, 2012 at 10:06 am

    @Silver Moonbeam @Lush-Oasis @Femininewoman

    hmm i feel curious & intrigued by this conversation…

    i want to say, i believe in magic.

    i got a message from CDcd on a dating website. his message was a joke & he had no profile up & no pictures.

    before we met, i had a vision about him.

    the 1st time we had sex, my exact vision came true, including how he touched me & what he said to me.

    later, he told me he dreamed about me years before we met.

    things that are normal for us: laughing til we cry, simultaneous/mutual climaxing, daily phone calls, Future Talk, him waiting on me hand-and-foot, me being super-honest with him about nearly my every passing thought or feeling, conscious psychic communication

    yes, i believe in magic.



  45.  #45Ella on January 12, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Hi,

    Just checking in.

    Got asked on a date with male work colleague for Sunday 🙂

    doing a little dance.

    Know we are not supposed to have favourites… but, oh well.



  46.  #46lk on January 12, 2012 at 10:07 am

    @Iamabutterfly 41

    only 1 man needs to be that way with you : )



  47.  #47Starla on January 12, 2012 at 10:15 am

    It has been decided – i have been coveting these boots for a year, and I am going to save up some money to buy them in a few weeks. it’ll be the most expensive thing i ever bought myself to wear, wow.

    http://www.overstock.com/Clothing-Shoes/Lane-Boots-Womens-Eternal-Grace-Leather-Mid-calf-Boots/5524582/product.html



  48.  #48Starla on January 12, 2012 at 10:18 am

    nooo they don’t have my size right now.

    sad.

    i’m going to stalk these boots until they do.



  49.  #49Camille on January 12, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Go Starla, they are fabulous! Perfect for a fabulous Siren………..you treat yourself!



  50.  #50Camille on January 12, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Awww bummer



  51.  #51lk on January 12, 2012 at 10:20 am

    @Iamabutterfly

    Rori doesn’t say Never Call A Man or anything like that… at least, that’s not what i hear her saying…

    but stay in your place of Power ?

    i imagine Angelina Jolie-type princess-y rockstar… in her Castle, friends ringing her up all the time, suitors lined up around the block, money & food & pillows & furs & jewels………

    she doesn’t get jealous. why would she ?

    she doesn’t “chase” a man. she doesn’t even notice a man who’s not “chasing” her – not because she’s rude, she’s just surrounded by men who are pursuing

    she’s not afraid of losing a man

    when a man backs away, she assumes he’s decided she’s too good for him or that he’s gone off to try to earn some riches, win a kingdom for her

    when she feels disappointed or frustrated with a man, she moves away from him or even stops allowing him within the castle walls. why would she want that in her life ?

    when she feels sad, just being a girl, not related to the man, why not request him to come to her chamber & play some music for her to cheer her up ?

    she’s not afraid that she somehow doesn’t deserve the full love & attention of any man

    only 1 man will “win” her & it will be the one who consistently brings her gifts she likes, who helps her to travel & be her best Queen self, who admires her for the attention she receives & is not jealous, who is strong & does not doubt his ability to support her, who always comes to her rescue when she feels exhausted

    & she doesn’t receive him coldly or selfishly, either, like – oh, this is what i deserve & actually i deserve more & more & more – more like…. thank you, wow, & the melty caress of her voice & the soft way she allows him to kiss her cheek or take her hand & the way she opens up to him, sharing her words & her feelings & what it’s like to be a woman – the giver of all Life – that’s how she gives back & shows mutual love



  52.  #52Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 10:22 am

    @lk 45 – that made me laugh because I want SO MANY men to do that for me!

    I feel kind of sad because I felt a little neglected by my dad growing up, but lately he has been stepping up and trying to communicate with me more which makes me feel so good but also a little sad and I feel a little healed but I still feel a little broken.

    I feel like I can make me happy! I already have in the past.

    My big heartache felt so detrimental because I was at such a good, happy, satisfied place in my life, feeling great, and when I didn’t feel loved like the way I wanted to feel loved by the guy I was loving, I just fell apart because I still didn’t have a solid enough foundation in myself. It feels so hard to rebuild it because I feel like I don’t have the same youth, the same opportunities, or the same optimism that I did back then.

    But do you know what I have NOW? NOW, I have wisdom. NOW, I have a more open, vulnerable heart. NOW, I have Rori’s tools! 🙂 NOW, I have knowledge. NOW, I’ve learned never to love a man more than I love myself.

    NOW, I can work on myself, and truly become a more vibrant, colorful, interesting, soft, and feminine woman.

    OH WAIT! I already am! 🙂



  53.  #53Starla on January 12, 2012 at 10:24 am

    oooh i can buy them straight from the manufacturer, they’ll just cost more. and i might be able to find them in town.

    groovy.



  54.  #54Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 10:24 am

    @50 lk – Wow! I felt so powerful reading that. It feels good to look at my power as a woman that way…thank you for the insight! 🙂



  55.  #55lk on January 12, 2012 at 10:25 am

    also, she is a Queen

    she is politic

    she makes eye contact with whichever of her subjects stands before her, treating them with the utmost respect, as a limb of the sovereign body, as a part of herself

    she listens to each one as a Witness to the Truth & she learns from each & teaches her own lesson to each … all to build universal omniscience – love & understanding that permeates everything



  56.  #56lk on January 12, 2012 at 10:31 am

    awesome boots, starla !

    wow & with your pink hair… AH i’m going to die



  57.  #57Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Thank you everyone.. This stuff used to be a piece of cake for me when I first started out, I could always make myself feel confident no matter how many men I had around, I don’t know what’s wrong lately… Maybe I’m just imagining that men are going to keep treating me how they always have… Bad.

    I’m gonna try something new today, I’m gonna tell myself good things all day long and see how this plays out..

    I am beautiful
    I am the prize to win
    I will respect my boundaries no matter what a man thinks
    I love myself even if a man doesn’t love me
    If a man doesn’t want to treat me right, then I don’t want him anyways
    If a man isn’t going to show me that he cares, then he obviously isn’t worth me caring about him
    I trust in myself
    I have faith in myself
    Sometimes I doubt myself, I love this doubt
    Every man is attracted to me because I am beautiful, confident, soft on the outside, strong on the inside, warm, loving, and open to love. I am sooo sireny.
    Ahhh this feels good(: still having a little bit of doubt but like I said, I love this doubt.
    I feel hungry, time to go eat some pizza (:



  58.  #58Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 10:38 am

    @54 lk – girrrrl, I LOVE that! and I feel good about myself reading that, because I feel like I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Yay. 🙂

    @56 Kayla – I love it. You go, girl!



  59.  #59Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Kayla imagine them treating you like a queen.



  60.  #60Zara on January 12, 2012 at 10:48 am

    from https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/intimacy-starts-with-you/

    1001: April Rose said:

    **************
    Zara,

    I feel so moved.

    I am crying my eyes out reading your post 936

    So so moving for me.

    Why can’t I belong to someone and they to me? Without them deciding to take themself away?

    Your words are so powerful for me right now.
    “Even his body fluids are not safe on this planet, she ran away with them inside her and she vanished!”

    Your compassion has overwhelmed me. I don’t know what has happened but I can’t stop crying.

    Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 4:09am
    ***************

    Asking the question implies it is true, it is a fact that you can’t belong to someone and they to you and that you should belong to someone. And that everybody always decide to take themselves away is also fact.

    I have no idea if we can belong to somebody and if we can own somebody.
    I have never belonged to anybody and I have never owned anyone, not even my descendency, although they used my body to create their own life, then they used my young beautiful years of life to get their education and protection while they were growing up slowly. They think I belong to them, lol, but shhh don’t tell them. When I die it will be soon enough for them to get it. As for me I know for sure I don’t own them, they left me empty handed when they flew away as if I did not exist anymore, as if I had never given them all I used to own to keep them alive and healthy. They built up a new life away from mine. As if they did not owe me anything. Talk about people who take themselves away! Their children will probably do the same thing, as I did it to my parents. Such is the game in my type of society.

    We don’t own anybody not even our own body who is in constant evolution without asking our permission until it becomes dust. We are born empty handed and we end up empty handed, no matter what we feel in between. It’s part of the game, and it is fine. We can hold hands, we cant not own them, not even ours. We can love somebody we can not belong to them nor own them.

    I am not sure my answer is the only answer. I can only say that, today, I have the deep feeling we are not meant to belong to someone else and we don’t need to, because we’ve got ourselves.

    We belong to ourselves. We feel like a lost dog without a collar when we lose ourselves. We feel the yearning to belong to someone else or to own someone else when we forget how to own ourselves. Not how to own our body who is only loaned for our stay on earth, but how to own ourselves (our soul)

    You mean belong like in slavery? In the past, people owned people and it was rarely to make them happy. It was to make them work, to let them starve to death, to play with them, to experiment with them, whatever but not to love them. Legal papers to belong to somebody were not meant to make them love us. Legal ownership papers did not protect us from being unloved or neglected by the owner and they did not stop death from reaching our owners, which would leave us lost like a dog without a collar again, and it did not stop death from reaching us at last some day. Ownership legal papers did not contribute to feeling love and protected and to keep away the fear of the unknown.. It happens that other than through a legal paper, I don’t see how we can belong to somebody.

    Or may be you mean belong through marriage? Well in the past people would stay married until death do apart, but only because the law would not let them split. Inside their marriage many felt separated, they hated each other because the law forced them to live as if they belonged to each other.
    In the present, marriage often ends up in divorce. People marry 2, 3, 4 times until death do them out lol. I don’t see that marriage makes people belong to people or else only one marriage would be possible for everybody. Divorce, even if legally allowed, would never be asked for.
    I personally think it is quite a romantic proof of love to sign a marriage. It means that, at least in the moment I am signing, I trust you, you will not leave with half my things, and I trust my love for you, I will never find anybody better than you. It also is a proof of how much I care for your safety. I want you to inherit all my things if I die before you do. I want you to feel a little safer on this planet. And I feel you worthy of wearing the same name. Yes, marriage is important to romance, yet it does not make people belong to people.

    May be you mean belong through your heart? Of course that is what we all mean.
    But through our heart we don’t own people, it is antinomic. Love is freedom. Freedom is love. Through our heart we love ourselves and we share the love around us.
    We are adults, now. Our parents who once “owned” us when we could not walk and we needed “owners” to carry us with them, our parents are dead or on their way out of the game. We are our own bosses now. We can love the memory of our parents when they were young adults full of mistakes and fears and yet strong for our sake in spite of yearning themselves to belong to someone bigger, and we can breath and feel their strength inside ourselves for ourselves. We can even give them back some strength, helping them in any way we can, and feel we really are our own boss now, we don’t need to belong to anybody anymore, we are grown ups.

    That’s the best we can do: to belong to ourselves so we can share the love around. To help others, to work with others so we can feel there is no loneliness in owning ourselves. Love will not bless our life until we buy ourselves back from that weird dream we lost ourselves in . But we are waking up, we can forget that weird dream. We can take full possession of ourselves and start a new life inside our new real body that belongs to us and us only, for the time being, until death tells us different. We don’t need to belong to some body else, we want to share love, that’s all.

    Now, is it true people always decide to take themselves away?
    I don’t know.
    I have in my life examples of couples who staid together until death did them apart and they were in love ( from where I stood) until the last day. So it is not a universal rule, that people take themselves away. I have lived in communities in part of the world where not even children separate from parents when they become adults. The love flows from birth to death. So nothing is true and nothing is false.
    There is only the life you make for yourself. And even within your own life what is true today becomes obsolete tomorrow.

    You mean is it true in your life today?
    Well I don’t know.
    Right now you live with a man, he is not wanting to take himself away. It seems it is you who wants better. I think your question is based on a lie you are telling yourself.
    It seems you don’t have problems to attract men. You might be too hasty in accepting one for the wrong reasons and then you get stuck with him, that might be you problem.
    This man you live with, was not available, yet you allowed him to use your life to get away from the life he did not like anymore. (I hope it is you whose lover is a married man, I hope I am not being confuddled with another siren)
    You gave yourself up for the heck of checking you can win a man over his wife. Like if deep down you don’t believe you can be the wife yourself. Like if you would not buy yourself as in you don’t give yourself value. Logically you now are yearning to belong to somebody. But he has nothing to do with your bad feelings. He does not know how to give you a value, he thought you were given for his convenience. The other CD either is not related to your feelings. Only you can feel valuable when you become your own boss.

    I would, may be, tell the man to go back to his wife, although wherever he goes in reality does not matter, as long as he frees your vibrational space for available men to step in it. He might be one of them when he gets his stuff cleaned up or he might not be one of them. But you would for sure get the relationship you want, whoever the man will be.



  61.  #61CurvySiren10 on January 12, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Tiffany,

    I wanted to comment on your post on the last blog. I enjoy your long posts and I don’t think you need to be concerned or feel bad about writing them. People can skip whatever they want to skip on this blog. If you need to write long posts to work through your thoughts, please don’t feel limited because of one person’s comments.

    I’m curious about what K told you that was obviously pretty much a game-changer. You don’t seem comfortable sharing that info, but I feel curious nonetheless. It seems like it’s pretty heavy.



  62.  #62Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Femininewoman, I’m trying, and I may be struggling a little bit right now, but I feel like I may be getting the hang of it again:)

    I love the fact that even though I feel doubt in myself sometimes, I still don’t lean forward… I haven’t leaned forward in, I don’t know how long..

    I feel happy right now (: happier than I have felt in a long time… Now if only I can keep myself FEELING instead of THINKING..

    I know I am doing all the right steps.. The tricky part for me is feeling good and confident about what I am doing, and about myself.

    Love, Kayla<3



  63.  #63Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Re 60 I kind of felt bad when Tiffany suggested that she was going to write shorter messages on the blog. I felt responsible for sending an unconscious message. My intention was just for you, Tiffany, I look at your communication to see if the possibility exists that a man could get flooded. It is based on John Gottman’s study that some people get emotionally flooded. As we women bond by using words at times men get flooded. So I just wanted you to be more aware of yourself, not suggest shortening your comments. I really feel like your energy has not be fully on here since then and wish to apologize if I shortcircuited you in any way.



  64.  #64Silver-Tongued Siren on January 12, 2012 at 11:00 am

    I am still stuck on the last post.

    You are not feeling cared for, etc ________ by your man, so write it like in poetry… how would you say it?

    Well, I am in that situation right NOW. I am not feeling safe and loved and wanted enough.
    I have said it just as matter of factly, I suppose,

    I also insert “I imagine feeling…. ” comments where I can.

    I am not sure how to make it any more poetic than this… Did anyone do well with this exercise? I will have to look back at the posts for the last entry.

    I KNOW for a fact though, that Man-I-Live-With and Bio-Father of Baby are both influenced immensely by beautiful words. I also value them strongly..

    I am aware that if I could word my feelings more in this way, they might be heard more easily.



  65.  #65crystal carnations on January 12, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Currently my fiance and I are planning our wedding. We want a nice special one however we have a limited budget and I am doing my research, getting all the appointments together and am totally in my boy energy. My fiance is totally impressed and thinks I’m super savvy. However my challenge is how to involve him without sounding too much like a manager and directing. I always ask for his input about things I research and we try as a team to make the decisions together. I just want things to get done but I don’t wanna come off as too overbearing and turn him off.



  66.  #66Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 11:11 am

    @Zara 59 – Such depth. I am a Christian, and that is so much of that is so 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

    Whenever I feel like I don’t need anybody is when men seem most drawn to me.



  67.  #67Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 11:14 am

    lk I felt inspired by your comments in 50 so I just leaned forward with a cd that I have not heard from in months. He friend requested me on facebook a few days after his birthday in December, and sent a generic invitation to an office party he normally hosts in December, then a reminder two days later to which I just said thank you but did not attend. I just leaned forward with a text using a slightly different combination of Rori’s words “I feel bad and uncomfortable without plans for the two of us anymore. I miss that. I miss doing things together. I miss you. I miss feeling close to you.” Then I sent a second one “I feel disconnected”. He came back immediately asking if I was sending to the right person to which I said Nope. Then he typed in his name, I said I miss you. (Seems he must have felt when I deleted his number some months ago.) He said I was wondering if you were alive, to which I said “that feels bad”. He said I saw you on facebook and was wondering what you were up to to which I said “I miss u”. He said I am still here hon, mentioned something about work and said “miss you too, wanna have a bite later?” I said that would feel great and to which he said “time and place is in your hands” I said I would feel happy if you pick me up at home at ….” to which he said “cool will do” Few minutes later I said “Wow, I feel all soft inside and he said “Good”. While I kind of feel excited that I have a date with him I am very aware that I was the one who initiated and feel nervous about that.



  68.  #68Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 11:21 am

    I questioned myself about the initial text and asked if I was looking for an outcome, then I threw it out the window saying what the heck I don’t care if he responds. I wish I were jumping for joy but I am not because I am very well aware that I initiated. The good thing is that he responded to me, showing me that feeling messages are powerful. This is the first time I am really focussing on using it with him. Funny enough I have seen in the past where he is really sensitive to the girly voice and have shared that he loves little girls. He thinks my daughter is so sweet because of that.



  69.  #69lk on January 12, 2012 at 11:22 am

    @Zara

    wow, thank you for your thoughtful post.

    You said: “As for me I know for sure I don’t own them, they left me empty handed when they flew away as if I did not exist anymore, as if I had never given them all I used to own to keep them alive and healthy. They built up a new life away from mine. As if they did not owe me anything. Talk about people who take themselves away! Their children will probably do the same thing, as I did it to my parents. Such is the game in my type of society.”

    This made me feel like crying. I love my parents so much & I see how much they gave away for me. Paying for my food, clothes, education, entertainment…. indulging my whims & passions…. & I feel amazed & also a little selfishly defensive, like, “I won’t do that for my kids so much.” I feel sad & I don’t want to withdraw things from them if i can give them… but in particular my parents paid a lot of money to educate me because that was their values & now they have a Life Insurance Policy on me… literally for the cash value of my lifetime education. it makes me feel weird, like i’m only my brain. & also like I am an Investment for them that they hope to recoup… even though i’ve always said i want to be a teacher, an artist, a writer….. i think they believe that having given me an Ivy League education will make me into a Money Machine… hmmm so i feel guilty for not being able to pay for their house or pay their medical bills or anything….. not that they’ve asked me to do that… but i feel afraid that some day they might. i see my grandmother & she barely has any money left, she feels guilty for being alive…. i go & take her food & wash & rub her feet & legs & cut & trim & paint her fingernails & toenails…… will that love be enough ? when my parents are old ? will they need more ? will i be able to help them? do they feel i’ve already abandoned them ? i feel weepy & raw



  70.  #70Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Time to do some love scripting!!(: ohh boy..
    Okay.. This is how I feel..
    I hate when you say you’re going to step up but you don’t, you just leave me wondering what’s going to happen next, then feeling confused and mad. I’m not going to chase you so you can stop thinking I am, I am not going to step over my boundaries just because you want me to make you happy, no if you want me then you are going to have to come and get me!
    Now, time to translate(: it was almost too hard for me to think of that because I am soo used to saying feeling messages. Lol
    I don’t like when a man tells me something, and then does something different, I believe that every man and woman has every right to come and go as they please, but when a man and I make plans that we are going to start seeing eachother more, but we don’t follow through, or have any kind of contact for a while, I feel bad, and uncared for. I want a man to show me that he cares, and I want a man who actually wants to pursue me. If a man doesn’t want to do this for me, it makes me feel like I am unimportant to them.
    What do you sirens think about this? And is there any way you think I could tweak this?



  71.  #71Starla on January 12, 2012 at 11:28 am

    i am really beautiful and smart and ambitious and caring and interesting.



  72.  #72lk on January 12, 2012 at 11:28 am

    aww i’m crying at my desk. sweet lk. poor humans. so many hungry sad tired humans. makes me feel like lying down in the road. stopping traffic. demanding that we all stop doing things for ourselves & do all we can for others. trust the universe. i can do that.



  73.  #73lk on January 12, 2012 at 11:29 am

    @Starla 70

    yes, you are



  74.  #74Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Kayla
    . I want a man to show me that he cares, and I want a man who actually wants to pursue me. If a man doesn’t want to do this for me, it makes me feel like I am unimportant to them

    I would just tell him how you would feel when pursuit happens. He might replace “man” with his name in his mind and then feel blamed.



  75.  #75Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Ug, I feel like I don’t KNOW anything! I feel mysterious, and I feel like the Universe is romancing me through my radio right now. I feel like I’m being told that I am the most lovable thing on this planet and it feels amazing. I feel like moving my body! I feel like dancing! I feel like a torrent of rain. I feel like night. I feel like white light sparkling on night. I feel curious. I feel hungry, but not for food, for something else, for God, for answers, for insight, for a long embrace from Someone who understands me. The songs on the radio are so beautiful and eerie and appropriate! I feel like I’m suddenly connecting to everything…I feel all buzzy…



  76.  #76lk on January 12, 2012 at 11:31 am

    @Femininewoman 66 & 67

    i feel so interested to hear about your story… i feel inspired too & warm : ) i feel curious about how your date will feel to you…..



  77.  #77Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Okay and this is where the secondguessing myself comes in.. Will telling a man this make him think that you can’t feel happy and important without him??? But if you don’t tell him, then you are hiding how you feel?? See now I’m feeling confused again. Hmm, but if I do tell him, I am inspiring him to want to pursue me and start stepping up like he says he is going to, and if he doesn’t… Well oh well he can come and go as he pleases, I am only going to tell him how I feel about this once, and I will leave it up to him to come and go when he wants, but he also can’t expect me to wait, and he knows this… But at least telling him this will let him know how I feel about it.. I can’t expect him to do different if I don’t tell him how I feel.. Soo now I feel a little bit less confused, but at the same time I feel like telling him this might make him think that I was expecting something out of him… Well actually, I was, because he said we were going to start seeing eachother more and he didn’t step up like he said he was going to..

    Is it okay to expect something out of a man if he says he is going to do something?



  78.  #78Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 11:34 am

    I am imagining melting in his presence and crying. I am so tired of being strong and independent. I am imagining tell him how good I feel with him because I feel like I can be myself with him.



  79.  #79Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 11:36 am

    Okay thanks Femininewoman, so something like I love when I feel like a man cares about me and wants to pursue me instead of the other way around, it makes me feel happy (:



  80.  #80Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 11:37 am

    you know how sometimes a man will just stand there when you’re feeling overwhelmed, like a tall strong pillar, and something inside you just knows to go over there and melt into his arms, and when you do you just feel so connected to him and so comforted by him? I love that…



  81.  #81Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 11:37 am

    FW @ 24,

    Thanks for posting that. The really clarifies using “you” in FMs that has felt so confusing to me. I feel hopeful.



  82.  #82lk on January 12, 2012 at 11:37 am

    This book just occurred to me. haven’t read it in maybe 17 years. i think iamabutterfly’s picture reminded me.

    Heartlight is the first book in the Adventures of Kate trilogy. Kate’s grandfather has been working in his laboratory to uncover an unknown element in the heart of stars, called “Pure Concentrated Light”. He has succeeded in making a small amount of this magical substance which has the power to liberate your “Heartlight” so that you can travel to anyplace in space. Soon his laboratory is plagued by a destructive presence and then the sun begins to lose power. Grandfather becomes “heartlight” and travels to a distant star which he believes may hold the answer. Kate, using a magical butterfly, joins him and they begin a voyage into a world where Darkness and the Pattern are battling it out. They learn about the desire to live forever in contrast to the rightness of the pattern where the death of one thing means the birth of something else.

    it’s about the power of love & imagination. i’m going to give it to CDcd for his birthday i imagine. but maybe not. i wonder if i still have a copy ? or if i ever had a copy ? i feel lost & imaginary



  83.  #83Starla on January 12, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Some tweaks for you kayla. That was a GREAT first stab at translating. You are so golden. You are going to have a fabulous dating life in no time.

    I don’t like when a man tells me something, and then does something different,
    -I feel bad not knowing what to expect

    I believe that every man and woman has every right to come and go as they please, but when a man and I make plans that we are going to start seeing eachother more, but we don’t follow through, or have any kind of contact for a while, I feel bad, and uncared for.
    -I feel bad and unimportant without plans to see each other more.

    I want a man to show me that he cares, and I want a man who actually wants to pursue me. If a man doesn’t want to do this for me, it makes me feel like I am unimportant to them.
    -It feels so much better and I feel so much more relaxed when a man makes plans. Without plans I feel unimportant and a little forgotten, and I don’t want to feel that way with you. What do you think?



  84.  #84Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 11:40 am

    soo this is what I will say to Dylan next time he talks to me, I will start with..
    I feel bad about us right now..
    he will ask why
    and I will say…
    I don’t like when a man tells me something, and then does something different, I believe that every man and woman has every right to come and go as they please, but when a man and I make plans that we are going to start seeing eachother more, but we don’t follow through, or have any kind of contact for a while, I feel bad, and uncared for. I love when a man shows me that he cares and wants to pursue me istead of the other way around, it makes me feel happy 🙂



  85.  #85Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 11:41 am

    I like that Starla(: soo I will tweak this..



  86.  #86Starla on January 12, 2012 at 11:42 am

    When we write out how we feel for a draft for a speech, we almost always will want to shorten it. It helps to not say too much, because it overwhelms him and we reduce our self esteem by “explaining” ourselves.

    So my tweaks above would really just look like this:

    “I feel bad not knowing what to expect. I feel unimportant without plans to see each other more. It feels so much better and I feel so much more relaxed when a man makes plans. Without plans I feel unimportant and a little forgotten, and I don’t want to feel that way with you. What do you think?”

    then you pause and let him talk.



  87.  #87Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Starla (and lk @ 27),

    “i decided to go for it because i just wanted to, and getting caught up in “rules” is sometimes hurting me and my relationship more than leaning forward would”.

    I feel this way myself at times. Sometimes I beat myself up so bad for wanting to break the rules that my vibe gets more fubar than if I’d just leaned forward in the first place.

    And LK – I definitely don’t think lesser of you for using the tools on your own terms. Being able to “lean forward” without an agenda makes you Rockstar!!!!, not lesser.



  88.  #88Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 11:42 am

    RE: #62 –

    Ryan is a very quiet man, as a whole. After knowing him in 2009, I thought I had redeveloped my speech style to allow for two way conversations and no longer dominate a conversation.

    I have realized with a thud inside that I talk way too much. Ugh. Just be quiet, Bren! Going to really work on that with men especially.

    The more nervious I feel, the more I rattle on about nothing. I hate when I do that. I give compassion to my weak parts.



  89.  #89lk on January 12, 2012 at 11:43 am

    @FW 77

    wow



  90.  #90Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 11:45 am

    lk,

    Heehee – I said “lesser” because that’s the term you used in your post. Now I feel giggly because it looks silly in the context I used it. Lololol.

    ____________________________________________________

    I’m learning to be okay with myself when I make mistakes (like Rori talks about in this post) in all aspects of my life. It feels pretty cool to be able to giggle at myself for this rather than beat myself up or feel embarrassed.

    Awww – I feel serene.



  91.  #91Starla on January 12, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Kayla, also, i dunno how the other women here will feel about this, but give him a chance to make plans with you before you give him the speech. we’re always feeling like a few days is like weeks when we’re not getting what we want from our guys.



  92.  #92Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 11:46 am

    I feel bad when I don’t know what to expect, and I feel unimportant without plans to see eachother more.. I feel soo much more relaxed and laid back when a man makes plans with me, and I feel a little bit forgotten when a man doesn’t make plans with me. I love when a man shows me that he cares and wants to pursue me instead of the other way around, it makes me feel happy(:



  93.  #93Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Yes, I will not lean forward, I will wait for him to get ahold of me first..
    I feel like I am very good at leaning back(:



  94.  #94Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 11:49 am

    I feel unsure of what I’m doing right with men and what I’m doing wrong…I feel like I must do some things right, but I must do some things wrong too…I feel like I’m going to be okay. I feel love. I feel sleepy. I feel like some men give me some things I want, and some men give me other things I want, but none of them give me everything I want. What do I need? What am I not giving myself? Love?

    I love myself. I feel like taking care of all my needs and desires.

    I feel like men are just icing on the cake of life. awwww, icing is my favorite part!

    okay, maybe relationships with men are just like finishing touches. Like a pretty decal on a shiny car. Or an air refreshener inside of it. A really amazing, masculine smelling air freshener…haha.

    I feel like I’m talking too much…I feel like I want more feedback!



  95.  #95Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 11:51 am

    @81 lk – Holy crap, I feel connected to you right now! I need to check out this book you speak of…



  96.  #96Starla on January 12, 2012 at 11:52 am

    this is a song by NOFX that i wanted to share.

    I’m not usually into punk (I’m a metalhead) but the lyrics are so great (and on screen) and comforting and nurturing and perfect for me. Enjoy, if you like.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tqu7MCXIJwo



  97.  #97Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 11:57 am

    @91 Kayla – that was so beautiful and exactly how I feel and would love to have the courage to say to someone at some point!



  98.  #98Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 11:58 am

    But I also feel like saying this to him will make me look like I am needy and clingy?? And that I have been focusing on him too much..

    No, of course I would want him to follow through and step up like he says he is going to, he knows this!!! Soo acting like I don’t care when I do is what will make me look needy and clingy.. Right? Of course I have thought about it, I have feelings for him, just because I have felt my feelings about the situation doesn’t mean I am focusing on him too much, it means the exact opposite.. I am focusing on ME!! Right?
    What do you sirens think?



  99.  #99lk on January 12, 2012 at 11:59 am

    @Iamabutterfly

    “What do I need? What am I not giving myself?”

    i love this & feel moved : )



  100.  #100Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    “Misery is almost always the result of thinking”.

    Love this! Thanks.

    Btw – Just wanted to let you know I missed your presence here when you weren’t posting for a bit – good to see you back. And thank you – I felt acknowledged when you mentioned feeling inspired by me in your list on the last post.

    I’m having a hard time keeping up and still getting my work done, but it feels good to be mentioned favorably – even if I can’t always respond right away.

    xoxo



  101.  #101Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    @98 lk – awww, thanks I feel moved that I was able to move you!



  102.  #102Mel on January 12, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    On initiating contact…

    I think it’s okay sometimes too… but ONLY if you don’t care one bit if he responds at all or if you are not expecting him to respond in a particular way.

    Mr. A and I “reconnected’ because I sent him an email. We were no longer in contact, I had a ton of CDs in my rotation, but I sent him a quick congrats email. By chance, I happened to be at the grand opening of a building he designed and I thought it was pretty cool. I didn’t care if he responded at all. My ONLY intent was to say… hey dude, I dig your design.

    Crazy how that little email changed EVERYTHING! 🙂



  103.  #103Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    When someone is in chatty mode, I tend to let them talk.

    Ryan is rarely in chatty mode, so I talk to fill the silence. Not a good move.

    So maybe my practicing to act in feminine energy is as simple as staying silent.

    Then that way I will only talk after I have thought it thru. I talk WAY too much when I’m with Ryan.



  104.  #104lk on January 12, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    @Kayla – i think Right : )

    No, of course I would want him to follow through and step up like he says he is going to, he knows this!!! Soo acting like I don’t care when I do is what will make me look needy and clingy.. Right? Of course I have thought about it, I have feelings for him, just because I have felt my feelings about the situation doesn’t mean I am focusing on him too much, it means the exact opposite.. I am focusing on ME!! Right?



  105.  #105Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Maybe Ryan is just taking it real slow with me because he sees my need for just elementary dating skills. I believe he deeply cares for me, and he has shown at many times that he has my best interests at heart. Maybe he is letting me make up for my lost dating years in my teens and twenties.

    Even tho he is 15 years younger than me, he has agreed with me at times when I realize that I think, feel, and act like a 16 year old sometimes around a man. I think it is why I am so compatible with a younger man. I don’t feel like a 48 year old inside. I feel like an 18 year old or a 28 year old, emotionally and relationally speaking.



  106.  #106Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    @97 Kayla – I don’t feel like this would make you look needy and clingy at all! Vulnerable, honest, and direct? Yes. and “acting” is not what you want to do, of course not! BE authentic! Yes, yes, yes I feel like you are focusing on YOUR feelings. Don’t doubt yourself. My instinct tells me that if this guy is worth your time, he will step up. He will see YOUR value because YOU are valuing what YOU feel, what YOU want, and what YOU need. I feel like that’s right…right, sirens?



  107.  #107Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Thank you Ik..
    Hmm, why am I feeling like he is not into me at all?? Like he doesn’t have any feelings for me?



  108.  #108mali on January 12, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I’ve been feeling so down over the past few days… I’m at home, refusing to attend mosque, because I simply don’t want to.
    I feel trapped and suffocated.
    I want to show myself love by walking out of the door looking stunning, in a gorgeous outfit… but I can’t, because my parents still don’t know that I’ve stopped wearing the headscarf.
    I want to DANCE and listen to music, but I can’t, because it’s forbidden in Islam, and my parents won’t be happy.
    I’m feeling so sad. I want a hug and lots of affection, but I don’t want to ask my parents, as they just don’t understand me. They don’t understand my choices.
    And I can feel the negative energy… and combined with the fact that the CD part of me liked hasn’t responded to me… I feel depressed and teary. Plus I’m on my period.
    Gosh, my utter sadness scares me… I don’t want to feel like this.
    I can’t wait to be back at uni!!



  109.  #109Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    @105 Brenda, just feeling curious, are you CDing men besides Ryan?



  110.  #110Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Iamabutterfly
    Thank you soo much (:
    I feel a little bit more confident reading this. You all are wonderful!



  111.  #111Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    I think as I catch up with my chronological age in the social/emotional area, I will feel the weight pour off of me. Overeating anesthetizes the pain of loneliness inside. I was locked away inside like Rapunzel because I didn’t know how to connect with men.

    Oh, BTW, I unpacked “Reconnect Your Relationship” last night, so I am going to start to listen to it today.



  112.  #112mali on January 12, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    @ Iamabutterfly- 106

    (Wheeeee, I love butterflies!!)

    Loved the cheerleader-ness of your post! 😀



  113.  #113Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    @108 mali – I feel so sad for you and I feel like I know you in real life! ((((((Hugs)))) hang in there!



  114.  #114Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    @112 mali – hehe, thank you! feels good to cheerlead and be led in cheers! I feel connected and helpful and happy. 🙂



  115.  #115Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Mali I am wondering if it is because you are so focussed on the negative. For all you know they feel the same way inside but don’t have the courage to voice it. It could feel oppressive to them too.

    Men can visualize what you look even when fully covered. I find they can have vivid imaginations too.



  116.  #116Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    @110 Kayla – it feels great to know I helped you. 🙂 I feel like we may be similar in that we doubt ourselves when we shouldn’t. Feeling what you feel and trusting your instincts usually never fails, from my experience, at least… 🙂



  117.  #117Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Thanks Mel. That is comforting.



  118.  #118Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    I feel kind of giggly reflecting on the initial topic of this post, because I really prefer to drive alone in my own car. But i also feel soooo good being in the passenger seat and ending up who knows where! 🙂



  119.  #119Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Iamabutterfly,

    RE: #109 – I have an ongoing friendship with my ex, Kenny.

    I have a date on January 26 with Hippie, who goes to my church. BTW, I could tell he felt bad when he saw me with Ryan last night.

    CO just recontacted me by email after a weird messup over talking about kissing.

    Beyond that, I am open to Circular Dating, but I am pretty much CDing myself as I work on losing weight.



  120.  #120mali on January 12, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Hugs to you Iamabutterfly- thankyou <3

    Soon I'll be back at uni… I can FEEL how good I'll feel when I walk out of the door on Monday morning, looking fresh and pretty, music in my ears, reminding me how amazing life is, the wind hitting my face, and all of the sites… perhaps men in the park looking at me as I walk past (and DAAAA-YAM, don't I KNOW I look good!), and knowing that I'll be among a crowd of people, possibility of bumping into so many people who I could so easily connect with…. and knowing I'll ace my one and only exam…

    And looking forward to dates on Tuesday and Wednesday, knowing I'll be treated like a Queen… whew… Breathe out.

    And that guy who didn't message me back? I don't know why he didn't.
    Maybe he found it odd that I don't share my facebook with people I'm dating.
    Maybe he thinks I'm weird.
    Maybe he has past issues around it.
    Maybe his ego was bruised.
    Maybe he's planning on replying but wants to wait til uni starts.
    Maybe it's got nothing to do with me at all
    Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
    Maybe he feels I'm too good for him.

    But eitherway… MedCD, I will love myself as I am, even if I'm insecure, and a CrazyScaryStalker.
    My healing growth is numero uno to me… I love me.

    And I don't blame you, I forgive you, and I forgive myself… If you do come back into my life at somepoint, I hope you're good for me, and I hope I'm at a point where I want to let you back in.

    Sending you LOVE, MedCD.



  121.  #121Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    lamabutterfly I drive everyday so I feel very taken care of when a man drives. I will even give a male friend who needs a ride my car just so that I don’t drive a man. It reduces the stress for me and feels more relaxing.



  122.  #122FlowerChild77 on January 12, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    #87/Brenda I sure know what you mean about talking too much! 🙁

    I find myself feeling nervous and anxious when it gets quiet. I feel compelled to “fix” the awkwardness of the silence (and, perhaps, *I* am the only one feeling awkward) by thinking of something happy or positive to say.

    I know I do this with friends and at church while we’re having lunch. I am always reading and learning and I find so many things to be wonderful and fascinating; it’s usually not too hard, at all, to come up with something to share/say. It’s just not always the right thing to do.

    I’m really working on trying to listen at level 2 (which I always do if someone comes to me to talk about something serious.) I need to listen this way more often and in other situations, as well.

    Thanks for sharing this (about talking too much.) I needed to be reminded that I really need to work on this.



  123.  #123mali on January 12, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    FW:

    I agree… my Mother is anxious around our community too. She has self esteem issues. But fear stops her from doing as she pleases…

    Because if she doesn’t follow Islam, and if she doesn’t abide by what the community wants her to do… then, well, what is she? She doesn’t feel she has the strength to go against her community.

    I just heard her speaking with my father… She was telling him that if I am with a husband who wants me to cook, and I refuse to because I simply “don’t feel like it”… how I am going to cope?!

    Because she, at the beginning of her marrigae did everyhthing my Father expected her to do. It’s only now, after a nervous breakdown, and maturity that my father does what my Mother wants him to. And that mainly because, yes, he appreciates all that she has done fr his family, but also because of feeling guilty, and because he doesn’t want tension in the house…

    *sigh*

    And the headscarf… I don’t feel comfortable wearing it. I feel better without it. More confident and sensual…



  124.  #124Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Ohh yes, I forgot to mention..
    Pickup guy(not sure if you remember him) we were CDing in the summer and he pretty much wanted an “imaginary relationship” with me… Which at first I told him yes, and then Femininewoman talked me out of it, and so I told him that what I wanted was a real relationship, where a man cared about me, and so I felt like I should keep my options open until I find what I’m looking for..

    Well yeah he got pretty upset about this and quit talking to me for a while, until he saw me at a wedding and we were spending some time together there.. A lot of things were said and done by him at that wedding that hurt my feelings… For ex: trying to push other men on to me, dancing with other women and then coming back and hanging and kissing all over me, telling me that he would let me sleep next to him if I put out, and leaving me there stranded with no way to get home when he said he would take me home… NOT OKAY!!
    And then the next day he didn’t even talk to me…

    Well all this happened in the middle of summer and then about a couple months ago he texted me and this is how our conversation went..
    Him: Hey
    Me: Hey
    Him: How are you?
    Me: I’m good, but I still feel bad about what happened between us a while ago.
    Him: What do you mean like when we were seeing eachother?
    Me: No I mean at the wedding.
    Him: What happened at the wedding???
    (I forgot to mention that he was VERY drunk at the wedding, but still it doesn’t change what was said and done)
    Me: A lot of things were said and done that made me feel really hurt.
    Him: Like what?
    Me: Well a lot of things, but the one that made me feel the most hurt was when you said that you would let me sleep next to you if I put out.
    Him: Wow I’m sorry for saying that, I really am.. And looking back I wish I would have asked you to be in a relationship with me, I just felt really hurt still about the whole situation with my ex girlfriend.
    Me: Well that’s understandable, and yeah I’m over it now, and I know that there’s nothing any of us can do about it, I just thought I would say how I felt about it.
    Him: Yeah but still.

    I can’t really remember the rest of that conversation.

    Then in our next conversation he told me he loved me (:
    And he always asks me to come see him, but I tell him that I like when a man comes and sees me because it makes me feel important.. And he said that he will come see me one of these days.

    He lives where I used to live and it’s a very small town, everyone usually knows when I am there. And last time I was in town, he texted me after I left and asked if I was still in town. . I said no and he said Dang it 🙁 and then I can’t remember the rest of our conversation..

    On new years he called me and I could tell he was drunk lol.. I was at a party and so was he, and then somehow the phone got hung up and we haven’t talked since…
    I feel okay with this (: I feel like he has feelings for me and I feel like he cares about me.



  125.  #125Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    @51 lk – I feel so curious about all of this…if I’m feeling all of this out correctly or if there IS a correct way to feel my through it…



  126.  #126Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Ohh yes, I forgot to mention..
    Pickup guy(not sure if you remember him) we were CDing in the summer and he pretty much wanted an “imaginary relationship” with me… Which at first I told him yes, and then Femininewoman talked me out of it, and so I told him that what I wanted was a real relationship, where a man cared about me, and so I felt like I should keep my options open until I find what I’m looking for..

    Well yeah he got pretty upset about this and quit talking to me for a while, until he saw me at a wedding and we were spending some time together there.. A lot of things were said and done by him at that wedding that hurt my feelings… For ex: trying to push other men on to me, dancing with other women and then coming back and hanging and kissing all over me, telling me that he would let me sleep next to him if I put out, and leaving me there stranded with no way to get home when he said he would take me home… NOT OKAY!!
    And then the next day he didn’t even talk to me…

    Well all this happened in the middle of summer and then about a couple months ago he texted me and this is how our conversation went..
    Him: Hey
    Me: Hey
    Him: How are you?
    Me: I’m good, but I still feel bad about what happened between us a while ago.
    Him: What do you mean like when we were seeing eachother?
    Me: No I mean at the wedding.
    Him: What happened at the wedding???
    (I forgot to mention that he was VERY drunk at the wedding, but still it doesn’t change what was said and done)
    Me: A lot of things were said and done that made me feel really hurt.
    Him: Like what?
    Me: Well a lot of things, but the one that made me feel the most hurt was when you said that you would let me sleep next to you if I put out.
    Him: Wow I’m sorry for saying that, I really am.. And looking back I wish I would have asked you to be in a relationship with me, I just felt really hurt still about the whole situation with my ex girlfriend.
    Me: Well that’s understandable, and yeah I’m over it now, and I know that there’s nothing any of us can do about it, I just thought I would say how I felt about it.
    Him: Yeah but still.

    I can’t really remember the rest of that conversation.

    Then in our next conversation he told me he loved me (:
    And he always asks me to come see him, but I tell him that I like when a man comes and sees me because it makes me feel important.. And he said that he will come see me one of these days.

    He lives where I used to live and it’s a very small town, everyone usually knows when I am there. And last time I was in town, he texted me after I left and asked if I was still in town. . I said no and he said Dang it 🙁 and then I can’t remember the rest of our conversation..

    On new years he called me and I could tell he was drunk lol.. I was at a party and so was he, and then somehow the phone got hung up and we haven’t talked since…
    I feel okay with this (: I feel like he has feelings for me and I feel like he cares about me.



  127.  #127Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Mel this one mostly responds immediately when I initiate after a long stretch of space and has been one of those who has spoken about marriage more than once. He actually said “when we get married” once when he was talking about something. Last time he spoke about it I felt overwhelmed because he went on and on. I was totally surprised by how much he opened up. We were at a concert where he insisted I sit next to him, introduced me to several people as his wife and then opened up the floodgates when we were talking afterwards. During the concert I turned my attention away from him and just enjoyed the music, dancing and making a fool of myself with what I love. I didn’t give a hoot that he was next to me.



  128.  #128Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Iamabutterfly.. Yes I do doubt myself a lot, but I also do the best I can (: soo I feel good about that!



  129.  #129Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Mali I am wondering if you could pick a time when you sense she is sad about her life and maybe just going up and hugging and letting her know how she feels because sometimes you feel the same way too. Or waiting till she is in a good mood and see if you could encourage her to talk to you about things about the way of life that she might not normally share?



  130.  #130Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    You know Kayla, I am feeling a kind of spark in your vibe. The kind I had when I was younger and was sure that men were attracted to me so I did not have to “try”. It feels refreshing. Like you believe it will all be well.



  131.  #131Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    @119 Brenda – Good for you! It kind of sounds like Ryan is one of your favorite CDs. Is it just me or is not soooo hard NOT to have a favorite? 🙂 and way to CD yourself, girl. I love CDing myself the most!! Haha…



  132.  #132mali on January 12, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    FW, part of me is still so resentful and hurting that I don’t want to…

    I don’t want to.

    I know that I can’t expect her to change.

    But I wish she could let go of the control aspect.

    I don’t want to reach out 🙁 I want her to be my mother. I want her to understand me.



  133.  #133Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    I so know where you are coming from Mali having been there myself. The control issue though I suspect is her comfort zone and I imagine that it would feel scary for her to let it go. I believe it is also demonstrating that she is insecure, afraid that she will lose you if she lets go. I can’t describe to you how fear can paralyze a mother when she thinks of losing her daughter to the dark things of the world. I am working on changing that inside myself too. I wonder how old she is?



  134.  #134Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    FlowerChild77 how are things working out for you?

    Rori also suggests touching objects and melting into them to be present and as a way to relax yourself so you can shut down the chatter.



  135.  #135mali on January 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Dear Mali,

    Wow… where do I start?

    You are breathtaking. Just wow. Your hair is so luscious and thick, so wavy and free… like your spirit. Your eyes twinkle when you smile. And they always seem to twinkle because you always seem to be smiling… And what an oh-so beautiful smile you have. It momentarily stops me in my tracks.

    That’s only the tip of the iceburg, though. Your body is so sensual and womanly… so curvy.

    It only reflects your inner beauty… You have such a beautiful spirit. Generous, and self assured. Empathetic, and wise. Fiery and fierce, and you inspire people to want to be better than they are. You have this deep understanding of people, because you have a deep understanding of yourself.

    And you epitomise love. So content and peaceful… I can’t help but want to be with you every second of every minute of every day.

    I’m just drawn to you- you’re a magnet. A Siren. You’re just… you.

    And noone else compares.

    I want to impress you, and fight for you, and do whatever it takes to make you happy.

    I love you, but not as much as you love yourself… and that’s yet another thing I love about you.

    M x



  136.  #136Rose on January 12, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    #135 ooh Mali. what a gorgeous love letter to self…feeling inspired and yummy reading it..



  137.  #137Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Me too Mali.



  138.  #138mali on January 12, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    FW, I understand…. And I know that there is no parenting handbook, and that being a mother, especially when a woman has issues as those my mother had and still has, it’s very difficult…

    She is a very scared person, she can’t let go. *sigh*

    She’s in her mid 40’s… I feel for her, as she doens’t physically have the strength to go out and learn and do what she would have liked to with her life. Psychologically, she is suffering.

    …And so, I believe she has raised me to fill that void. Part of her lives through me.

    Though I understand it, I resent it.

    It is not my responsibility to live for her. I am my own person!



  139.  #139Rose on January 12, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    #67 Femininewoman, I am feeling curious and excited about your cd.I loved the feeling messages and especially how he responded to them



  140.  #140Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Yep Mali. I believe she is projecting and trying to live through you, the life she never had. Awareness is what will change it for her but I imagine that she is still a bit unconscious of what she is doing. I totally agree it is not your responsibility. I am imagining you with your own daughter and feel hopeful that because of the work you are doing here you will be more conscious.



  141.  #141Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Camille and Femininewoman, I just want to say thank you for your envouragement and Camille for your story re. the profile on dating site, you made me feel a little better when I was really reeling. I have been sick all week + PMSing, which makes it even harder to deal with your emotions.



  142.  #142Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Rose those were some of Rori’s suggestions to a client in the email I got today. They are from her Lovescripts program.



  143.  #143Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    You are welcome Lolita



  144.  #144lk on January 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    AWW melted !

    Hi lk, I hope you’re having a nice day. I was just thinking about you, I hope this song lights up your cubicle. Enjoy the rest of you afternoon : )



  145.  #145Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    What song lk



  146.  #146Starla on January 12, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Mali, nice letter. I feel inspired! I was thinking this morning about all the poetry I want to write for CF, and then I thought “well maybe I could write it now and save it for much much much later.”

    But I think I will focus that energy on writing myself love poems. ooooh that feels nice. Starla should hear how great she is, in various ways.

    CF tells me at least 20 times every time we hang out how much he adores me, though.

    But i’m always like MOAR! MOAR MOAR MOAR! because i need soooo much love. But I’ll never feel filled up if i don’t try to give it to myself.



  147.  #147Rose on January 12, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    #142 Femininewoman, yes!! I read and got the e-mail this morning and as I was reading that feeling message translation I was thinking wow yes this feels, so real, so authentic..So I loved how you applied it to your situation 😀
    Lovescripts is on my desire/wishlist 😉



  148.  #148Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    FW – I apologize as I somehow completely missed your comment #1039 on the last post about physically leaning back. Yes, I have physically leaned back, and it worked beautifully with my Jack CD when things got a little awkward between us due to my falling back into old patterns of closing myself off when I felt like my negative feelings of sadness and nervousness and awkwardness and jealousy would be too much for him.

    Sometimes it’s hard for me to identify all my emotions as there are so many sources and triggers going on inside and outside of me.

    It can be hard to feel, identify, and express them when there are so many being triggered by so many different things! And so it’s easier for me to shut down my feelings…but I am going to stop that once and for all!

    When I physically leaned back with Jack CD, he was clear across the room at a group function. All of the sudden he walked over and stood so close to me that it made me feel SO shy and nervous and happy all at once.

    I have such a hard time even looking at him when he is so close to me! Sometimes, when he intentionally looks deeply into my eyes, and I’m not ready for it, I swear I forget my own name and how to talk…



  149.  #149Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    also, FW, I feel like you are so completely amazing!



  150.  #150lk on January 12, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    @FW

    New Sharri Song by Kristoff Krane : )

    i’m a hip hop head o_0 lol



  151.  #151lk on January 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    @Mali & @Starla

    love the love letters : )

    yummy self love !



  152.  #152Starla on January 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    reporting for team lean back



  153.  #153Rose on January 12, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I personally found out about writing a love letter to self from Mama Gena’s book, It helps me so much when I am feeling down or having a really bad day, I feel like it lifts up..

    here’s a quote from her: “I bet you never praise yourself, you gorgeous, fabulous thing. Every woman is glorious; she just forgets sometimes. Compose a love letter to self that rivals the love letter of your dreams. Tuck it away and reread it often-especially before a date, it will give you goddesslike confidence”



  154.  #154Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    RE 148 LAMA you are so funny. I see myself in you. Forget your name. You are too funny.



  155.  #155Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    aww, I feel like writing myself a love letter:

    Dear Little Butterfly,

    Girl, you are so cute!

    I love your complicated past, I love how strong you are, I love how you’re so open to learning and growing, I love how you chatter, I love how you listen.

    I love your candy lips that you have a habit of biting when you are deep in thought or nervous.

    I love your sparkly eyes. I love how your face is so revealing of everything you’re feeling when you let yourself feel.

    I love your hair, and your completely perfect ankles.

    I love your perfect breasts, even I know they are heavy and hurt your back sometimes.

    I love how you second guess yourself, even though you shouldn’t. I love how you feel uncomfortable sometimes, because you say cute/funny things to work your way through the discomfort and make people laugh.

    I love your heart. I love how deeply you feel, how you care about everyone, especially people with emotional issues.

    I love how you reach out to people who you feel like you can help.

    I love how outgoing and clever you can be sometimes.

    I love when you slip up in something you say, and I love how it makes you blush.

    I love your scatter-brained ways, and I love your humility. I love how you’re not afraid to admit when you’ve messed up, and I love that you are constantly working to improve.

    You are sweet, loveable, fiery, unpredictable, and downright exciting.

    I feel so priviledged to learn more about you and grow more with you every day.

    I love that I’m stuck with you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!



  156.  #156Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    I am fighting the most incredible urge to call M. Why is it that I can’t call him when we have been seeing each other for 1year? Why do I have to lean back so much? What about creating opportunity? I feel so sad. When we don’t have our kids, we usually see each other many times during the week… Why isn’t HE calling me?



  157.  #157Sun Goddess on January 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Daria, I wish I would have read your response to me before I sent something to him. I was kind of explainy in my text back saying my phone was nearly dead this morning until I got to work to charge it. I didn’t want him to feel ignored because I hate that feeling. I guess I am still learning.



  158.  #158Starla on January 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    I feel so excited to go home, eat, take a nice hot shower, put yummy lavender lotion on all over, and write myself a nice love letter.

    Then it’s back to work for 2 hours.

    As some of you know, I’ve got a side business and I’m trying to accomplish tasks in 2 hour chunks every day, so that I don’t get overwhelmed. And I’m trying to take care of myself BEFORE I get to work, instead of putting off self-care till after (when it rarely gets done).



  159.  #159Mel on January 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    ROTFL!!!!

    I was just reading back in the archives from early August and found this old post of mine:
    ———–
    “Ugh. Got an email back from match guy saying based on the photo I sent, he didn’t feel any attraction.

    Firstly, are many men that superficial? That they’d decide based on ONE photo?

    Secondly, it made me realize that I need to take better photos of myself. I’m usually the one taking the photos, so I don’t really have many good ones of me. And I often think I look better in real life.

    It’s funny because he said he’s attracted to “cute” women… and I definitely think I have a high cuteness factor. So either he actually wants a stunning beauty and calls that “cute” or my photos just don’t do me justice.

    I’m not discouraged though, whatever dude.

    I’m wondering if maybe I should put up a photo now. That way I don’t have to bother corresponding with men who don’t actually want “cute.”

    I just don’t want to get creepy emails, and I thought no photo may help me avoid that. Also a little shy to put my photo up.

    What do you ladies do?

    Definitely dressing up nice tomorrow and bringing my tripod & camera down to the river. Whether I decide to just email people that interest me or put up a profile pic, I am inspired to take some better ones.

    Thanks dude… for inspiring me to get my hair cut and styled today, for reminding me that I don’t care to date superficial men, and for motivating me to take some awesome photos of myself.”
    ——-

    Guess who THAT was referring to? Heehee!!!!

    In a way, architect was sort of my inspiration to CD like crazy, which in turn turned me into quite the siren! And I had totally forgotten this, but he was the FIRST guy I ever chatted with online.

    OMG this feels very surreal!



  160.  #160lk on January 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    LOL @Starla… hm weird. i never yet have thought of writing poetry for CD… thought that is my “thing” lol …. i feel curious about this ! : ))) well, if you do get in the mood to generate some, you have a captive audience on the blog : )))))))))))))



  161.  #161Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    I feel inspired by Bobby Vinton’s song and am singing it to myself

    I love the way you always
    treat me tenderly.
    But darlin’ most of all,
    I love how you love me
    love how you squeeze me,
    tease me, please me
    love how you love me



  162.  #162Sun Goddess on January 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    I like the idea of a love letter to yourself Starla. I sent myself flowers today! I felt so special getting them today at work even knowing they were just from myself. 🙂



  163.  #163Sun Goddess on January 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    I like the idea of a love letter to yourself Starla. I sent myself flowers today! I felt so special getting them today at work even knowing they were just from myself. 🙂



  164.  #164lk on January 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    @FW

    ummm never mind ?

    i feel scared !

    i just listened to that song… i can’t find the lyrics but it’s just

    “you are so much more than beautiful to me
    “you are everything that i could ever need
    “when i look into your eyes
    “i’m not sure what i find
    “but you are so much more than beautiful to me”

    over & over again. i feel straight up terror.

    that is so not what i was expecting.



  165.  #165Kayla on January 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Thank you FW(:



  166.  #166Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Lolita I just remembered I read a response from Rori to someone on the question and answer thread. The person was in a 2 year relationship and the man was planning marriage. She had started shopping for their lives together before he was moving things to the next level. The next thing she knew he dropped off the planet for several months with no contact. Rori encouraged her to reach out to him because she suspected he had found another woman. Rori was right. The client reported back after she contacted him and he basically brushed her off in a kind of angry way. He had moved on. That suggested to me that when you are in a “relationship” it is expected that sometimes you will lean forward. I believe this is the first time you are suggesting that you have been in a relationship for 1 year. However, it is not clear if he had asked you for exclusivity and that he had asked you for a relationship. Unless I am forgetting.



  167.  #167lk on January 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    i feel sick. how can a person possibly respond to that ?

    i feel scared. i feel ill. my body feels shaken to the core. i feel like “hanging up” or “running away”

    help



  168.  #168Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    I know a song

    You are so beautiful to me can’t you see by Joe Crocker

    You are so beautiful
    To me
    You are so beautiful
    To me
    Can’t you see
    You’re everything I hoped for
    You’re everything I need
    You are so beautiful
    To me

    You are so wonderful
    To me
    You are so wonderful
    To me
    Can’t you see
    You’re everything I hoped for
    You’re everything I need
    You are so wonderful
    To me

    You are so beautiful
    To me
    You are so beautiful
    To me
    Can’t you see
    You’re everything I hoped for
    You’re everything I need
    You are so beautiful
    To me



  169.  #169lk on January 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    ah thanks fw

    i feel less overwhelmed. that song feels comforting. i know that song : ) whoosh breathing again



  170.  #170lk on January 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    aw i think CD was singing this song to me the other morning while i was still sleepy… he’s so sweet… & so tone-deaf it breaks my heart in the softest warmest way : ))) awwwww



  171.  #171Starla on January 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    haha i sang a song to CF this morning when he called. I was half asleep. It was lambchop’s play along “song that never ends.”

    i’m a weirdo



  172.  #172lk on January 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    @Starla

    that’s EFFED up. because when i tried to google for this song, the first search results were for that song for some reason

    what the — ??

    lol



  173.  #173Senior Lady Vibe on January 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    On previous thread here seems to be some confusion about my identity or what I’ve posted. I don’t know how that happened but I’d like to clear it up…

    @930: lk says:
    “… i think SLV & FW were just responding to the look of your …”

    Which post(s )???

    FW and I are not the same person; I only post over one username on this blog. I didn’t write a post directed to Tiffany about the look of her post.
    😯

    In the past whole year I’ve only mentioned one or two times difficulty reading a post due to lack of white space.

    I’m curious to look at which of my posts to Tiffany you are referring to since you specifically mentioned my name and commented on my response. I’d appreciate if you could note my post number and cite quote because I’d like to refute or explain if there was a misunderstanding.

    I’d like everyone to be comfortable posting here on the blog…including me!



  174.  #174Camille on January 12, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    OK SIRENS ….
    T asked for space….ok Im good with that…I leaned way way back……now he feels like hes being ignored???? LOL

    OH I dont think he knows what he wants? But Im not gonna tell him or defend my distance that he asked for and I respected so readily



  175.  #175Ella on January 12, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    “It’s so easy to blame a man or yourself for anything that goes wrong, and so magical when you stop having to do that, even in your head.”

    I love this.

    It IS so easy for me to blame my men for stuff, like with male work colleague when I wanted to see him, but didn’t want to drive, and he didn’t come up with a solution.

    And then he suggested meeting at the weekend, and that he would take time off… and then all this week I have been wondering why hasn’t he firmed up arrangements for the weekend yet?? And feeling mildy annoyed and blamey, mainly cus my time as getting booked up and I was hoping to see him.

    So then I had to remember, relax. Lean back and TRUST him.

    He is in charge.

    He has got this.

    I don’t need to worry or fuss or blame.

    How about actually choosing the believe the best? That he will come up with the best plan from what is possible.

    And, if one day I do not feel happy with the plan, I get to say.

    And if he does f8ck up… let him.

    Say if he didn’t book me in time. And I got booked up elsewhere. Well, then he would surely learn to book me early anyway.

    Well today he stepped up and made a plan anyway.

    Have noticed he has been less pursu-ey today… funny how we notice.

    But its ok.

    I am busy doing my own stuff.



  176.  #176Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Feeling completely invisible on Siren Island today. I wonder if I have and invisible shiels like Wonder Woman – or was it just her jet that had the shield?

    Hmmm – been feeling somewhat invisible here for a few days now. Sometimes I’ve been invisible, just reading, trying to catch up – feels so time consuming. Then commenting takes so long once the comments get to be so many, so no commenting. Am I making myself invisible unconsciously?

    Or is the Universe just telling me, “get thee to work!”?

    Goodbye feelings of unworthiness and guilt –
    hello feelings of love, value and authenticity.
    Time for another healing session I see.
    So to work I go – on me.



  177.  #177lk on January 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    hi, SLV : )

    the posts were a while ago & i thought i remembered you posting about white space & easy reading : ))

    i don’t feel like “proving” anything, like finding evidence… but i’d feel glad & easy to Publicly Withdraw My Speculative Reference to your user name : )



  178.  #178Starla on January 12, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    HI SWEETPEA
    OMG HI GIRL
    HOW ARE YOU?

    I FEEL SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!

    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND FUN AND SMART! YAY! THANKS FOR HANGING OUT WITH US

    hehe see, the above is what i would say if i wasn’t always trying to control my social enthusiasm. cuz i’d freak people out acting like that. sigh. just know you’re not invisible:)



  179.  #179Ella on January 12, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    No, Still can’t do it.

    I can’t reply to my POF e-mails.

    I just feel drained, and bored and overwhelmed.

    And I still can’t quite bring myself to use Daria’s approach and give them all my number.

    That feels scary.

    I usually select which ones I want to give my number to.

    It would clear my inbox though… to just copy and text to all the ones who seem ok…

    Hmmm, experiment with this??



  180.  #180Ella on January 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Hi Sweatpea…

    I’ve not caught up on comments yet.

    xoxoxo



  181.  #181Starla on January 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    ahhh hahaha i leaned forward again
    what is my deal?

    i just want to.

    f*ck it.

    but don’t try this at home, kids.



  182.  #182lk on January 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    lol, hi Sweetpea !

    thanks for saying i’m not lesser : ))))))



  183.  #183Camille on January 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Hi Sweetpea

    You are not invisible….LOL
    I feel that way on this blog often LOL

    It must be the wonder woman stuff



  184.  #184Ella on January 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    “Hi,

    I am having trouble catching up with e-mails and feeling soooo bored of typing.

    Here is my number: xxxxxxxxxx.

    It would feel good to hear your voice.

    Ella. x”

    What do you think Sirens???

    I might experiment with this…



  185.  #185Camille on January 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Ella….I like it……if I were a man I would call@!



  186.  #186Senior Lady Vibe on January 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    @Rori Raye
    “…Navigating the navigation issue became one of our marriage triumphs.

    …“Navigation Teamwork” Requires Switching Hats…”

    I was thinking about this last night. I acknowledge that each woman (and man) looks for different things in a romantic life partnership and what I want might not look like what someone else wants.

    The image that came to mind was one that my father discussed with me when I was a young girl. It was two cinema film projectors, side-by-side. My parents owned and operated a movie theater when I was very young. (My father liked to make money doing fun things… that’s where I got that!)

    Anyway, my father graphically showed me how the overhead projection worked… swishing his hands together and apart. “The hand is faster than the eye he said…” chuckling.

    There is only one picture on the screen but there are TWO projectors, working side-by-side. There are many reels and when they are switched, if done correctly the audience only sees ONE picture and NOT the changeover.

    I want to be one of the two projectors, working side-by-side with my life partner to make a beautiful picture.

    *sigh* feeling all romantic.



  187.  #187lk on January 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    & @SLV

    please excuse me if you felt unsafe reading my comment

    actually, my intention was to encourage Tiffany to feel safe… but i feel a little sad that possibly that is not how my comment sounded to her or to you

    hmm communication feels difficult & tangly to me today… i have spiders in my stomach



  188.  #188Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Starla,

    I love your social enthusiasm, lol!

    Hi Ella.

    You’re welcome lk and thank you.

    Was just doing a little experiment. I’ve been in hiding mode for about – ooh…ten years now, but been doing intensive healing on busting out for the last few months.

    I was remembering earlier today, how my Grandma would get in a funk sometimes (back in the days when I was all confident and feeling worthy). I would walk in and talk to her and she would completely ignore me.

    The Joe Cocker song posting (thanks FW – I LOVE Joe Cocker) reminded me that I used to sing to her (I think it’s a Charley Pride song):

    “Hello wall.
    Nice to see you.
    It’s been a long time.
    You’re just as lovely as yoooouu used to be.”

    I realized since I went into hiding if I felt ignored, I would just slink off. So… in honor of my former (and soon to be again) larger than life self, I decided to speak up.

    Thanks ladies, I feel acknowledged. My day now feels complete. Ahhhh (sigh of relief).

    Keep on stepping out Sweetpea – no safer place than Siren Island (most days). But you can handle your own, even on less safe feeling days. Keep stepping out…



  189.  #189lk on January 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Ok, i responded to his email. i can be nice.

    Thank you… lit up indeed : )



  190.  #190Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Hi Camille!

    Lol! It’s so hard to follow and acknowledge everyone these days – at least for me it is. I understand that. Just some personal trigger, healing stuff. Or… like you said, maybe…

    Wonder Woman – wish I knew how to make musical notes on here…



  191.  #191Camille on January 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    We need the truth telling Magic Lasso!



  192.  #192Camille on January 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Oh I just had a visual of myself in a patriotic leotard!



  193.  #193Camille on January 12, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    and red boots! lol



  194.  #194Starla on January 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    ella 184 that is awesome



  195.  #195Starla on January 12, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    hahaha everyone’s saying cock on the blog.

    well, cocker.

    shut up, i’m immature.



  196.  #196lk on January 12, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    i felt like crying this morning as i walked into the building because i saw the NoCakeSharingLady’s best friend… i guess i’ll call her DU which is short for a very unkind literary reference, but … i can’t help my little brain’s thoughts. anyway, she gave me icy glare & careened around me being careful on the slick asphalt in the parking lot…

    but then i got a cup of coffee in my fun mug that CD let me borrow.. & went to say Hi to our secretary & my Religious Buddy was up at the front. & they were talking about writing … & he told me he’s working on starting a book …..

    get ready sirens…

    his book is for men about how to be men ! & the analogy he used…… is to be lion-like !

    awww i told him i felt moved & inspired : ) & i told him about my belly-exposed melted ice queen lying with the lion, napping… & he was moved by that image & it made total sense to him

    wow, i just felt so Heard & also Connected : ) really good, really nice.

    i’m SO interested to read our things side-by-side : ) wow how FASCINATING

    that feels good to hear the men say Men Need To Be Men – that’s what CDcd says too.

    I’m a reformed feminist. This is 4th wave shxt right here : )



  197.  #197lk on January 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    COCK



  198.  #198Camille on January 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    I am feeling like I want to just pretend T isnt here..on earth….like I dont know him…..and he doesnt live at my house…..like he doesnt exist….I wonder why Im feeling this way?

    I dont like him today…

    I dont want to know him today….



  199.  #199Ella on January 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Did it….

    Lol. It feels kinda fun.

    Free-ing.

    I feel free and relieved not to have to try and deal with all those e-mails now.

    Copy and paste option was so quick.

    And any I didn’t feel like responding to, or I felt unsure I have just dropped them.

    So my inbox is clear…

    Oh, and I just got a text from one whose profile looks cute.

    🙂



  200.  #200Starla on January 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    ok my leaning forward went over very well. i want to share with you all specifically how the convo went, because i feel so good about it and i want to brag

    but at the same time, i don’t want to encourage anyone to lean forward. just because it went over well doesn’t mean leaning back shouldn’t be our default mode all the time.



  201.  #201Camille on January 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    I wish I had a magic wand to make him appear when I want him and dissappear when I dont LOL

    it makes me smile thinking I could do that

    Make him appear and if hes not perfect in thought and voice just “poof” make him dissappear til he can be nice again lol



  202.  #202lk on January 12, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    lol… that’s a game.

    when i was in middle school, people (boys especially) would take turns yelling COCK in public & you have to go louder than the person who went before you.

    i DIED when we had sex ed & the game changed to CLIT lol



  203.  #203Ella on January 12, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Big huge hairy COCK!



  204.  #204lk on January 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    @Starla 200

    “ok my leaning forward went over very well. i want to share with you all specifically how the convo went, because i feel so good about it and i want to brag

    “but at the same time, i don’t want to encourage anyone to lean forward. just because it went over well doesn’t mean leaning back shouldn’t be our default mode all the time.”

    oh, come on ! SPILL !!! we want the juicy gossip !!!



  205.  #205lk on January 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    i want to whisper something… @SLV & @Tiffany, i feel a little sad & disconnected & it would feel really nice to be acknowledged : )



  206.  #206Senior Lady Vibe on January 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    @27: lk says:
    “…i definitely feel good leaning back. but there is no problem with leaning forward in my opinion – AS LONG AS HE IS *ALREADY* DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT
    Rori’s tools are TOOLS for me, not a lifestyle…

    Whatever tools I have are for me, not laws to be obeyed for everyone. I have a whole lot of tools I’ve created too.

    Dating is the time for me to learn HOW my man will be in a life partnership with me. It’s a part of my dating process to learn that. I definitely do not plan to live the next forty years never telephoning my husband or buying us an ice cream cone in the park, or a Christmas present… and the list goes on.

    I don’t need a man to entertain me or buy me dinners; I can do that for myself. I don’t need a man to “make me feel special” as one man posting here maintained — I already know I’m special.

    I don’t want a man doing things way out of the ordinary in an attempt to “impress me.” I expect he’ll want to treat me well and do fun stuff as part of our living together. So I want to know how he lives and how my life with him will be. I expect he’d want to know that about me too.

    I want to foresee what our life together will be. I have to know how he will react to the everyday stuff. If he’s going to “lose his manhood” if I telephone him with excitment about tickets I won, then … he’s not going to make the cut…

    I want every day of our lives to be a “date.” That means fun grocery shopping, fun getting coffee at coffee shop, fun riding a train, fun sketching in the park, picking up stuff at the dr*gstore, fun doing laundry, fun cooking together, fun walking down the street.

    So be it…

    😀



  207.  #207mali on January 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Hee hee hee….

    COCK COCK COCKKKK!!



  208.  #208Senior Lady Vibe on January 12, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Well, well…

    guess I’ll won’t catch up on the posts… so will have to download the threads and read at home. Might be getting better service soon…. so can post online all the time without it taking… f…o..r…e..v…e..r…



  209.  #209mali on January 12, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    lk: I love the “voice” that I see in your posts… I feel connected to you, and you’re just too cute!! 🙂



  210.  #210Starla on January 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I still play the penis game. I play it with all my boyfriends. some of them start out shy but it always amuses them that i want to play.

    ah yes, now i’m spilling my charm secrets:P

    also a good one – thumb wrestling.

    PEEEEEEEEEEEEEENIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS

    lk did you grow up around here? i feel curious about you, like where you went to HS and stuff. 😀



  211.  #211Starla on January 12, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Ok it was a text convo:

    Me:
    Truth: I. Miss. You.

    CF:
    :):):):):):):) i miss you too! Aww… my face = broken
    (note to sirens, he always says i break his face when i make him smile huge)

    Me:
    My heart = broken without your hugs.
    (note to sirens, wow, leaning forward much, starla? hahaha)

    CF:
    Gah! I shall not allow [pet name]’s heart to break:) when can i swing by and hug you?

    Me:
    Aww [pet name] the way u talk/text to me makes me feel so connected and good and juicy but totally sovereign. It’s a divine feeling of comfort and bigness and blessed smallness all at the same time:)
    (note to sirens, woah, excessive gushing…wow Starla you are laying it on thick, but it’s truly how i feel. the way he talks to me is magical and it makes me feel like I belong to him but like i can be my own person all at the same time. something i never experienced before i started dating him)

    Me:
    I’ll be home at 615 and have a good 15 minutes before I must part hehe what do you think?

    CF:
    …man, you are the most fascinating, wondrous woman:):):) …er, that fits perfectly into my schedule, 6:15 😀



  212.  #212Mel on January 12, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Starla,

    The penis game? Oh boy! I wanna play that one too? What are the rules? 😉



  213.  #213Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    What a day my friends!!! I feel so happy that I didn’t send the damm text to P! Wouhou!!!!!

    And I just sent to LaughingCD almost word for word the funny text suggested by Femininewoman. Hehe and I sent a smily face with a crown. Hehe. No answer yet.

    There is a crazy snowstorm here and I am stuck in the bus. Can’t wait to be home. I love snow and I since I couldn’t do my jogging, I will take my dog for a little walk ib tge beautiful winter city.

    And then planning to open a profile on a new dating site. Bored of the one I am using right now.

    Yay to my snowy night!



  214.  #214Sun Goddess on January 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Hi Lizka!



  215.  #215Starla on January 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    mel it’s the same as the cock game lk described, except i use the actual word penis, because euphemisms are for p*ssies who are too scared to play for real:P OH SNAP



  216.  #216Ella on January 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Owww, Starla,

    I used to love thumb wars.

    But I sorta stopped them when I started practicing Rori tools as I wasn’t sure if I felt feminine enough doing them…

    I think I was triggered mainly by a girl friend of mine who is very pretty, and gets lots of male attention, but is basically a ladette.

    She play fights with the boys all the time, including thumb wars, tea towel fights and slaps… but tp the point where it gets really rough and she will often come away injured.

    And then the boys won’t stop and treat her like one of them… and I can see she is being hurt but she puts a front on and keeps doing it.

    That kinda put me off and I haven’t played since!

    Humph…

    I miss thumb wars!

    🙁



  217.  #217Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Starla,

    LOL – I was going to ask which penis game…
    hide the weenie?

    Oops – Sweetpea’s being bad. Lol! That’s what my friend told me MM was going play with me for my birthday and Christmas presents.

    Grown up voice: My friends are such bad influences…tsk, tsk.



  218.  #218Starla on January 12, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    imagine you’re on your second date with a guy you like…or a guy you are bored by:

    you, randomly: “wanna thumb wrestle?”

    gets ’em every time:)



  219.  #219Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    @Femininewoman, Camille, Lizka (my dear colleague xx), Starla, and you all…

    M has just broken up with me. He said he had something to admit, he had been on match and now is confused and doesn’t know if he loves me anymore. He says he feels very sad and it’s the toughest thing he has ever had to do but that he can’t fight his gut that he doesn’t know if he wants to be married and live together. Yes, we had agreed on exclusivity and a relationship 10 months ago. It was going to be 1 year next monday.

    CRY CRY CRY, sad, lonely, terrified, mad, furious, deceived, turned upside down and feeling powerful at the same time that there is some sadness in him (I know it’s sounds awful.)

    He said he felt lonely and went on match the other day and wants me to have what I deserve which is more than he can give. When I wrote Rori my story they said I needed the commitment blueprint cuz it,s a commitment issue. I AM REELING.



  220.  #220Ella on January 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    What do you think about this text from a man Sirens???

    I feel stumped about how to reply.

    Not sure how I feel…

    “I’m willing to give attention if I recieve a little too. x”



  221.  #221Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I played thumb wars with MM a while back! It was fun! He initiated it, but then I told him we were going to go home and Indian Leg Wrestle….

    Naked!

    😀



  222.  #222Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    I also gave him the speach that I respect his need for space and that I will be dating, that I feel I have to now explore my other options and I hope he’s ok with that.



  223.  #223Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Camille,

    Yes, yes! Definitely red boots!

    And magic lasso – truth telling? I forgot about that part…

    I think I have the magic lasso – I just didn’t realize it was a truth telling lasso… hmmm… *eyebrow raise* very interesting…



  224.  #224lk on January 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    @Ella 220

    I’d say

    lol..aw… you go first : )



  225.  #225Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    Ok… enough funning.

    My grown-up voice (booorrriiiing) is telling me to go back to work. And that it may be boring, but eating and having a roof over my head is not so much…

    Phooey!

    But she’s right.



  226.  #226Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    I would like a good cry now. thank you



  227.  #227Ella on January 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    ((((((Lolita)))))))

    Need to remove yourself from him if possible and take really good care of you for now.

    You can turn this situation around… I bet… and you need to get out of there.

    Sorry for the masc advice giving post.

    Its just feels so triggering for me as I’ve been there in that situation and I know how awful it felt.

    Also, looking back in hindsight, I honestly believe I could have turned the whole thing around, if I had known how to look after myself, get my energy back on me and move right away from him until he was ready to come back and try to win me back over.

    Anyway.

    I am sorry for your situation.

    Please look after YOU.

    xoxoxo



  228.  #228Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Ella,

    Lol! I like LK’s answer.

    My first instinct was to address it all as it pertains to the future. But “you go first” is more living in the now and not worrying about the future. I LIKE it!



  229.  #229Starla on January 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    hugs lolita, you did the right thing accepting the breakup and saying you’re a freebird now. take nice care of yourself and we’re here for you. do you know what “spamming” the blog means? feel free to do it (if the other sirens don’t mind me saying so! hehe)



  230.  #230Sweetpea on January 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Lolita,

    I completely agree with Ella. I know how bad it hurts right now – but you can turn the situation around.

    I’m thinking of how many comments I’ve read on here just in the last week about guys who disappeared and then showed back up a couple of months later.

    The hard part is letting go now and remaining leaned back…and taking your attention completely off of him and putting it on you – on slathering love all over yourself and your hurt parts.

    Your love of yourself is the most important thing right now – imo. It’s what will enable you to quickly recover and do what you need to do – take care of yourself, however it feels comfortable to you.

    Sending healing love and hugs your way. xoxox



  231.  #231Francesca on January 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    OMG, I think I finally might have found the perfect hairdresser for me! Yay!

    I have short, texturized hair and I want to let it grow back. I told her that I just needed a trim and she said “you know, I feel like I could just cut it dry, as it is now”. And that’s what she did! It feels like I haven’t even had a haircut! Love it!

    The whole thing took about 15 minutes and I was out of the salon in no time! And it cost me $18 instead of $30 because she didn’t wash it.

    Also, I only had $15 on me and she said not to worry about it, that I could just pay the rest when I can. She doesn’t even know me, it was the first time I saw her and she trusts me like I’m a friend!

    I love people like that! 🙂

    So happy with my hair now!



  232.  #232Francesca on January 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Sorry, I know this isn’t about dating but I’m too excited to keep it to myself!



  233.  #233Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Ella, Starla and Sweetpea, thank you.

    I feel it is not all lost actually, but yes I will COMPLETELY lean back. And please remind me if I don’t!!!

    I was proud of myself for ending the 30 mins PHONE conversation this way ‘I feel really sad and in a bad head space right now, so bye’

    I told him he had all the right in the world to take all the time he needs before a commitment, and that during that time I will fully explore my own options although I feel very sad.



  234.  #234Starla on January 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    fransesca, i dry cut my hair too. best thing that ever happened to me, and i love my hair dresser for it. and the haircut costs 14.95
    😀

    i have looooong curly hair, btw. i straighten it almost every day.



  235.  #235Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Would you go pick up my things at his space this weekend or wait 1 or 2 weeks? ADVICE?



  236.  #236Ella on January 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Thank you Ella for showering me and putting cream on my face and lips.

    Thank you for making my bed comfortable and shaking out the duvets.

    Thank you for making me redbush tea and switching off the tv to relax in peace.

    Thank you for planning an early night for me.

    I am feeling tired and nearly ready to go to bed.



  237.  #237FlowerChild77 on January 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    #134/FW Thanks for asking how things are going.

    Nothing earthshaking has happened, I guess that’s why I haven’t posted about it. We had a good heart to heart about why I haven’t moved back yet. This time I was really using FMs and trying to give him space to respond. I did well and I think he understands more of how I feel now.

    I’ve tried before to talk about it with him and I get so frustrated I either don’t say what I want to say or I get angry and feel humiliated at having to even talk about it that I end up making him feel wrong and bad. And then I’m disappointed in ME and my behavior/words.

    And more importantly…he knows I am serious about my boundary. I cannot, and will not, give up the life I have right now….unless it’s for something better.

    It was hard for me to get this across without sounding like he isn’t enough (just like I want to feel like I’m “enough”.)

    Especially since we are engaged, I find that his (still) choice of another woman as his beneficiary and his estranged sisters as his legal heirs just plain UNacceptable. Simple.

    I told him I really need to feel him coming toward me more. He seemed to understand that. I didn’t mean to sound harsh, but at one point I said that he must know I do love him (even after all we’ve been through) or else why would I be waiting and waiting? And that I don’t want to wait forever.

    He mentioned how ‘easy’ it would be to change the beneficiary name. I said nothing. (Cuz I WANTED to say, SO badly, “Then why don’t ya DO it?”—but I was a good girl, and didn’t.) 🙂

    It’s been snowing here all day and I’d love nothing better than to be out at the house with him, making supper, watching the snow pile up around our cozy little old farmhouse…..getting yummy hugs and kisses when he comes in from the shop to warm up. It’s kind of odd….we never had a set supper time, but SO often, I’d just have it ready (just out of the oven, etc.) and he’d just walk in the door. No idea it was ready, just perfect timing. I miss him and I love him…but I finally love myself more.

    I am happy to be in my own (rented) cozy old house while I watch this gentle, but steady snow fall move across the town. It’s all white outside and so thick I can’t even see where the sky starts over the lake. I imagine I won’t see the moon tonight. It’s been SO beautiful over the water the last few nights. Sigh… (that was a happy sigh, by the way.)

    Anyway, I’m meditating several times a day and working on my drawing (taking a class.) I’m focusing on me and trying to stay in tune with my body and what I’m feeling. I’m content.

    But, I wouldn’t be if I hadn’t learned about Rori and her tools. I’d be freaking out about why he hasn’t called today and feeling left out and making up crazy stuff in my head about why he doesn’t love me and about all the things that are wrong with me. I’d be wasting precious hours of my life. Thank you Rori and Sirens! 🙂

    #156/Lolita Yeah, I think Rori talks about if we are in a marriage or LT relationship it’s ok to call or txt or initiate contact, sometimes…but as the other Sirens have said…only if we feel ROCKSTAR about doing it. (No expectations around it and no way you’ll feel disappointed no matter what the outcome.) Not always so easy, I know.

    I’ve found that the more important it is to me how he responds (if I contact him) the less of a good idea it is to go ahead with it. I keep remembering how the Sirens always say, that if we’re in doubt, we probably shouldn’t do it.

    #171/ Starla…Oh my gosh…I’m laughing, here. Now I’ve got the song stuck in my head…..but that’s ok…it’s making me smile. 🙂 Makes me feel a little ‘old’ as I actually used to watch Shari Lewis with Lamb Chop and Charlie Horse when I was a tot. Thanks for sharing that…and I bet your guy thought it was cute, not weird… 😉

    Sweetpea/#176 I really know what you mean about feeling like, maybe, when there are no new posts to catch up on, etc. the Universe is trying to tell us, “Get, thee, to work!”

    Sometimes I have to tell myself that I’ve “read enough” for the time being. (Not just this blog, but I’m always reading SOMETHING.) I’m so curious about learning new things. I must confess that I am an “information junkie” at heart and can easily get caught up for hours on end reading and taking notes and looking up things. I have notebooks and notebooks full of things I want to learn about and delve into further.

    So there are times when I really have to turn off the computer and put my phone down and work on my ‘Siren stuff’ and remind myself to remain conscious of how blessed I am every moment of the day.

    It’s supposed to snow all night long….I like it. 🙂



  238.  #238Ella on January 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Re the text I replied

    ‘I feel willing to give back if I am feeling filled up with attention! x’



  239.  #239Camille on January 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Lolita,
    I absolutely know the heart ache you are feeling. Just to add to my story from yesterday….T did this exact thing to me years ago……but I did not know RR. Thats why he is having a difficult time with my new boundaries now.

    But every time I was OK with the break-up….no matter how horrible…he always came back….

    Just like I told you yesterday…..dont be threatened by the women he will be dating…..you are a SIREN!

    He is the one with his position threatened

    YOU ARE STRONG!
    View this as an opportunity to get exactly what you want!



  240.  #240FlowerChild77 on January 12, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    #186/SLV Ohhhhhhhh….that’s such a beautiful analogy! Thank you for posting that. I now have a much clearer idea of switching hats and how easy it should/can be. 🙂



  241.  #241Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Thank you Camille, xx

    He said Monday night was fantastic and that he even would want to see me tonight but that he’s gut is telling him it’s not long term. It sounds totally like a commitment issue. I have to stay my SIREN self and totally take care of me now. How did T come back to you? After several weeks or months? Did he approach you back?



  242.  #242Ella on January 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Francesca.

    A good hairdresser is SERIOUSLY important!

    I would feel excited too.

    🙂



  243.  #243Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Hum I remember why I named LaughingCD “LAUGHING”. Because he makes joke all the time. It’s hard to figure him out. After I sent “thanks for the help. I must really be a girl because it felt weird thinking about inviting a man for dinner. I love to receive from men ha!!! I really am a girly girl.”, he sent “pfffff! I will make myswld a sandwich then. That was obviously a joke.

    I couldn’t answer right away because the bus I was stuck in jad an accident (!!!!) and i had to walk 20 minutes in the snowstorm.

    In the mean time, he texted me again “Lizka, we’re in 2012, woman up! 😉 ”

    Hum… I seriously don’t know what to answer to that one. I should reply with another joke maybe? Something like “ok if you want to date a dude” ? But what if he says OK?!

    I’m cluelesssssss! I need help!!!



  244.  #244Ella on January 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Night night Siren Island.



  245.  #245Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    He also says he’s incredibly attracted to me so it would be easy to continue but he is not sure he is in love anymore… that hurts.



  246.  #246Camille on January 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Lolita,
    start dating immediately, its shifts your vibe! And you never know whos around the corner for you. Ask that the chair sitting next to your throne be filled with your perfect partner and dont put a name or face on it. He will come!



  247.  #247Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Sirens,

    Would you post a profile on the same site he’s on and we met on over 1 year ago? ADVICE?

    Would you get your things at his place this weekend or wait a few weeks (1, 2)? ADVICE?



  248.  #248Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Hi Sun Goddess!!! You are missing the snowstorm!!!



  249.  #249Camille on January 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Give him the space he needs to figure out your “the one” or not. T contacted me soon every time I allowed it and leaned back. When I leaned forward he went away. It was a vicious pattern for a long time. Like I said looking back I could have ended the pattern, but its OK I didnt have tools! But now I see that when I “gave up” and started dating others…..here he would come! Now I see it as I was using the tools, but didnt know it and I kept flip flopping with leaning back and leaning forwar.

    YOU HAVE THE TOOLS USE THEM. SO YOU DONT GET MYRED DOWN WITH ALL THIS STUFF!

    and you have the greatest support group ever right here!



  250.  #250Francesca on January 12, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Starla #234

    I straighten my hair everyday too as it is curly and very unruly. It has a mind of its own, in fact (mes cheveux font à leur tête lol! – hope you get that). I want to let it grow so I can wear it au naturel. I used to have long hair and since it was heavier, it didn’t curl as much, it was just kind of wavy.

    Ella #242

    Yes, a good hairdresser is priceless. I’ve been having a hard time finding one since I moved here, tried two different ones and wasn’t happy with them. And this salon is a two-minute walk from my place, so convenient!



  251.  #251Camille on January 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    I would post on a different site, so your not getting caught up in his “stuff” and I would let the “waves settle” so to speak.. I would contact him about my stuff if you can live without it for a while. Let him contact you, and be fine with all of it. Get moving your own life forward!



  252.  #252Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Lolita –

    Nooooo! This feels so bad to read. I feel really really really sorry for you my poor friend. 🙁

    Cry, it’s good to cry.

    This will look like a “phrase préfabriquée”, but he sounds sincere, he is sad about it. After a few days (or weeks) of space, he might likely realise that he misses you. I feel pretty confident about that. But you need to leave him the space. Anyone would tell you that, not only Rori.

    xoxo



  253.  #253Starla on January 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Francesca – look into the brazilian blow out to manage your hair. it makes it hang straighter and heavier. it’s one of my special secrets:)

    i understand your french hehe yay i love languages oh god i am a dork.



  254.  #254mali on January 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Lolita, I am sending ou so much love right now, darling.
    Remember, you’re not just any woman- you are a SIREN… feel what you’re feeling, and express it in an authentic way, and take care of YOU.

    Rose: YUMMY! I’m so glad you liked my love letter… it felt good to right 🙂



  255.  #255Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Camille, you’re right, I won’t call for my stuff, I’ll let him wonder about it and call me.

    It pisses me off because I had a great profile on match and they keep it for 1 year in their database.

    Lizka, I KNOW he’ll miss me and so will his kids and that will fix the kid issue by itself. Thank you, I feel terrible but strong somehow. I suppose I’ll break down later…



  256.  #256Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Thank you Mali, I am currently repressing my feelings but I was very open on the phone with my feelings in totally RR way. That felt strong and soft. I hope I did ok, I know I did my best. HE sounded like a little boy when he admitted about match. I never had to bring it up. Unfortunately I’m the one who had called him tonight, but I don’t think that would have changed anything because he said he’s been thinking this for days.



  257.  #257Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    He said he’s not in love with me anymore, and then later in the conversation he said he’s in love with part of me… OUCH



  258.  #258lk on January 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    my heart is beating like cr8zy right now

    one of my best girl friends has been really distant…. for months & months now…

    & i chatted her up online… though she’s been ignoring me for a long time, even when i chat her…

    & i shared some feeling messages about how i feel awkward & disconnected & then … MAGIC ! it all turned around

    awwwwwwww she typed me hearts & we are planning to visit each other – both her coming here & me going there !!! awwwww i feel amazed & touched !!!



  259.  #259Daria on January 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Thank you Daria for brushing my hair

    thank you for imaginiging me brushing my hair 3 times a day 🙂

    thank you for thinking about washing

    thank you fro brushing my teeth

    thanj you for eating

    thank you for drinking water

    thank you for meditating

    thank you for doing shadow side EFT

    thank you for talking to my bro about our cousin

    thank you for talking to Oya about our cousin

    thank you for imagining yelling at my sister

    thank you for listenin to my mom

    thank you for apologizing to guy i didnt get bakc to

    thank you for taking the steps to update my ipod and convert movies

    giggle

    thank you for choosing a fun diff schedule for me today

    thank you for opening the door to air

    thank you for putting ointment on my scrape

    giggle

    thank you for wrting thank yous



  260.  #260lk on January 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    awwww Lolita !

    Hugs

    (((((((((Lolita)))))))))



  261.  #261Camille on January 12, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Lolita,
    If you can be on match…..and not watch his profile on match then I would do it……..but I know that I couldn’t I know I would look and that would make me feel bad.

    Focus on only things that make you feel good!!!!

    ((((BIG BIG HUGS))))))



  262.  #262Silver Moonbeam on January 12, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    #51 lk

    Me likey the Angelina Jolie type person we all are inside, if only we could believe it of ourselves. 🙂



  263.  #263Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Iamabutterfly,

    RE: #131 – It is an understatement to say Ryan is my favorite CD.

    I have known him for four years, and I am in love with him!!!



  264.  #264lk on January 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    @Silver Moonbeam 262

    when i’m like, aw but lk i’m NOT beautiful & exciting & rich

    i imagine the symmetry in my body… & i imagine all the chemical rxns taking place…. & i imagine all the tiniest bits of all my cells

    OH i am BEAUTIFUL EXCITING & RICH !

    : )))))

    awwwww

    (((lk)))



  265.  #265lk on January 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    yummy just remembered CDcd telling me sometimes i give him a “let’s just be friends” pat on the back hug when we say goodbye….. : ) so now i do it … but i try to be sensual & loving about it : ) yayyy & funny & fun



  266.  #266lk on January 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    @Brenda 263

    hm i wouldn’t want my Favorite CD to be someone who told me that we weren’t dating

    what do you think?



  267.  #267Sun Goddess on January 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    I am thankful for that Lizka. Although it would be nice to snuggle up by a fire.



  268.  #268Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Arrrrggg still don’t know what to write to LaughingCD…

    “So you want to date a dude?” feels fun to say. But I feel scared that he say ok and I have to pay for the damm dinner… Well… he won’t say ok?! lol, why would he? Ok I’m going with that! oh I will add a FM like “that feels strange!”



  269.  #269Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Lolita I agree with Ella. He is not sure and might need to go through dating other people to appreciate what he had with you. It might not be easy for him to connect with people because of the 3 children so I would not worry about him. I would put myself out there and date like crazy. You just never know who would show up. I don’t have Commitment Blueprint but I imagine there are tools in there to lift your vibe/self esteem. I would encourage you to focus on that right now. I kind of suspect that his response was not a total surprise, just not what you were hoping for. Your gut might have been warning you. In any event I hope you did not try to convince him that he was wrong, can’t remember your whole post right now. But opening up your options will definitely help you. He is entitled to do what he wants, so are you. At least now you know, instead of 3 years down the road. Appreciate his honesty and pat yourself on the back that you were able to inspire that. Cry so your heart can heal, then go right back out there and date. Someone said these rejections are God’s protection. You just never know.



  270.  #270DON KING on January 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    I DON’T KNOW TO START BUT I HAVE A GIRL FRIEND THAT I LOVE WITH ALL HEART & SOUL WE HAVE NOT HAD SEX IN 2 YRS SHE GOT SICK FROM CANCER BREAST CANCER BUT SHE IS OVER THAT I KEEP ASKING ?
    ABOUT ABOUT SEX SHE KEEPS TELLING ME WE WILL HAVE IT SOON I HAVE TO WAIT I HAVE BEEN WAITTING
    FOR 2YRS BUT SHE TOLD ME SHE HAD IT WITH OTHERS
    BUT KEEPS ON TELLING IT WILL HAPPEN SOON.
    HOW CAN I GET HER TO HAVE IT ME SHE GOT ME HUCKED ON SEX HOW CAN I GET KEEP HAVE SEX CAUSE I LOVE HAVING SEX WITH HER HOW CAN I DO THAT GET HER TO START HAVING SEX WITH ME.



  271.  #271FlowerChild77 on January 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    ((((((((Lolita)))))))) The Sirens are so right. You are free now. And you have no idea what could happen! 🙂

    When I ‘ask’ the Universe for anything, I always ask for, “this, or something better.”

    I know what you mean about, “feeling terrible, but strong somehow” I came to recognize this feeling in myself as “growing pains.”

    Pamper yourself and remember you are a beautiful, sexy Siren. <3



  272.  #272Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    @Femininewoman and Camille,

    I didn’t try to convince him in fact I even said I respect his feelings and his honesty and also that I don’t want to convince him of anything because I respect him and I did say exactly that that his is entitled to be sure and do what he wants. I just hurts so much when he said he is not in love with me anymore, and then later he said he is in love with part of me but not all of me and this is the hardest decision he has ever made. I don’t know if that’s just a guy speach. He did sound sincere. It just hurts also he said he felt lonely the other night and went on match to look and that I deserve so much better than that.

    I just fee; this is because of our bad christmas vacation.

    He only thing I did IS say that the weeks have been very intense and I was really looking forward to reconnecting with the kids this weekend and that the weekend after that we were going to Lake Placid for our 1 year and that I was dissapointed and sad because I was looking forward to connecting deeply with him again (we had 2 amazing weekends last fall in Lake Placid). That is the only time I might have leaned a bit. Also I said his kids would likely miss me and that is very sad.



  273.  #273Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Lolita Camille is also right you are a Siren and a multitude of women have no chances. He will remember you as the one who can “feel” and “be” when he starts bumping into the masculine energy again. Taking your energy out there, including thinking about him, will let him know what it is to miss you. That, if he is a great man, will help him collapse on himself and possibly come back. But the important thing right now is to take care of you.



  274.  #274Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    But I told him I respect his choice and reminded him that I want a long term live-in and marriage commitment.



  275.  #275Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Lolita I can understand him only being in love with part of you if your heart was not fully open. His statement to me is telling you something about yourself, that you are opening up. Continue opening up your heart. Someone will eventually be able to connect with it. The thing about the kids is to be expected I guess but kids tend to adjust. Look at it this way, if they do they will ask which will cause him to miss you even more.



  276.  #276lk on January 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    hm

    i don’t feel pretty right now.

    but i still feel deserving of full love & attention…

    weird !

    i feel…. awkward. lol. like a banana or … a sloth or a llama

    perfectly awkward & weird. just as the universe created me



  277.  #277sensual on January 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Sirens I am loving the blog today!
    @lk 51 I just love your Queen Jolie in her castle! I am feeling the power as her and I am making by bedroom feel more cozy and luxurious and rich and castle like every day by adding things like a furry rug and candles to make me feel wonderful and Queen-like in my bedroom castle.

    (((((lolita)))))) big hugs, you feel strong because you stated your truth and you can feel proud for that and just be and let him be and you can know how strong you are independently of him or any man and now step back and do your thing, focus on you and other CDs and now he has the space to figure out whether he wants to step up and be the man that you want or you will meet another……they nearly always come back in some form, but it’s whether they’ve changed and can step up that is the question



  278.  #278lk on January 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    ZOMGGGGGGG

    please oh please listen to this song…..

    www dot youtube dot com slash watch?v=yrNXE-hlTFE



  279.  #279Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    My god this LaughingCD is persistent!!

    He answer to my text “Cook a dinner for me then, this is feminine”

    Lol. Some of you might think that this sounds harsh, but I know he’s partialy joking. This is why I named him LaughingCD…

    I think I will answer positively to this. Because I do want to see him. And I love cooking. Maybe I should suggest that we cook together?

    Hum… I could say “It would feel nice to cook for you, but it feel even better to cook WITH you”. Is that too much driving the boat?



  280.  #280lk on January 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    @Lizka 278

    I’d be like…

    “hmm… it does feel fun to cook something new…. what will you bring for me to cook ? : ) “



  281.  #281Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Yes lk, I like the suggestion. I will go smoke and think of it.

    I like the fact that I take a lot of time to think about what to answer. He must be like “why isn’t she answering? ahhhhhh!?”

    I’m a princess, I can make my men wait if I want too.



  282.  #282Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Hum… not sure I feel like being tell what to cook thought…



  283.  #283Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    If he wants me to cook, I’m going to cook what I feel like. Is than too masculine?



  284.  #284sensual on January 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    @279 hahah that made me laugh!

    Sirens, do you feel like the more sireny you get the more lazy you feel? I feel so lazy in comparison to my old motivated ambitious self…and yet my career (which is soooo masculine) is just taking off like crazzzy right now! It feels so good and i feel powerful, but I had a huge opportunity yesterday and I really struggled more than ever before…i felt like such a girl which was felt bad in that situation. I have 2 or 3 girlfriends who are such natural sirens, but all of them are so lazy and have no career, but they love to play and get looked after by the men they date instead. I have to balance this.

    Also, something I felt excited to hear that was also funny, it that one of my very sireny friends told me how she loves to have a party with herself! She will open a bottle of wine, turn the music up loud and just have fun and dance and party with herself! I feel very sireny just thinking about that! It feels good to imagine and I want to try this! self-love 🙂



  285.  #285lk on January 12, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    @Lizka

    i just meant, if you’ve decided to go along with his suggestion that you cook…. i’d really want him to bring the groceries & pay for them. also, a bottle of wine. also, probably flowers or music or something.

    otherwise, what are you doing ? buying groceries & entertaining a man at his command ? YUCK that feels horrible for me to imagine.

    really i don’t like men like that, so actually if it were me, i wouldn’t have responded to his last couple messages…

    so do what makes YOU feel good : ) you’re a rockstar siren : )))



  286.  #286lk on January 12, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    @sensual 283

    i am having a beer & JAMMING OUT : )



  287.  #287lk on January 12, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    @lizka 280

    i hate being leashed to my phone.. i’d say i have average response time of an hour AT LEAST lol



  288.  #288FlowerChild77 on January 12, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    >>>”Trade-offs in relationship:

    Number one, always – he loves me.

    He loves me, he’s devoted to me and my welfare, he looks out for me, he thinks of me first (or at least right after he thinks about himself).

    Are you giving “devoted to you” men a chance and trading off for other things you’ve always thought are important?”<<< (from Rori's post above)

    I do a lot of thinking about how Rori talks about us feeling content and loved while we are and while we aren't with him, regardless of what other people think, etc.

    And about how we might overlook, reject, not give a chance to–a good man for us because he (or the situation) doesn't look the way we think it "should."

    Could some of you Sirens talk about what your 'trade offs' are/have been? What are the really important things and what are you willing to accept "in trade" for more important things to you, personally?

    Sometimes I think we envision 'prince charming' and forget that he is (and will be) a human being….with faults and foibles…just like US. I don't believe that our "happily ever after" means there will be no discrepancies or issues to work out, either with them or within ourselves.

    I am intrigued by this idea and would like to hear some Siren wisdom/experiences.



  289.  #289Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Starla –

    “Also, something I felt excited to hear that was also funny, it that one of my very sireny friends told me how she loves to have a party with herself! She will open a bottle of wine, turn the music up loud and just have fun and dance and party with herself! I feel very sireny just thinking about that! It feels good to imagine and I want to try this! self-love ”

    Woooow! I feel excited too!! I’ll definitly do that on my next date with myself!!

    With Ironman, in another life, we did something like that. We had no money to go out and we decided to do an “happy hour” just the two of us in his living room. We cooked all kind of finger foods and as an old bartender, I mixed some exotic drinks and we put music and we both dressed up very nice and we flirted. Awww I miss that time…

    But I can do it with myself too!!



  290.  #290Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    lk 284

    I think you are right… Need to find a way for him to bring the grocery that I want thought…



  291.  #291Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    And I’m not tight to my phone either. I do aproximatly 1 hour between each texts. And it’s not a strategy, I just do so many other things, chatting on the blog, checking out my Facebook, my dating site profile, watching TV…



  292.  #292Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    LK,

    RE: #266 – I can’t explain the status of our relationship.



  293.  #293Liz on January 12, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Hi!
    Hey FW!!!! @60?
    Did you go out with your CD yet that you texted…..i am just feeling curious how it went and how you felt on the date….
    Liz



  294.  #294Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Ohh! I wrote “yeeeees! And what will you bring me to cook for you?”

    In approximatly 30 seconds, he replied “Vinooo! And my charming presence! (and some ingredients that you will tell me too)

    wouhou!!



  295.  #295Tiffany on January 12, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    @ Lizka #25 –

    I definitely think the guy was joking. Any gentleman would be! Even a guy who is “just a friend” will often pay for the woman (at least that’s my experience.;)

    If you feel confused and don’t understand what he’s talking about, then a totally authentic way to respond would be with with a question. You could joke back and say, “Invite you to dinner? I don’t understand. lol”

    Be playful, but be yourself.

    Or even just, “?”

    Short and to the point…



  296.  #296Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    La la la

    I get to cook what I want and he will bring everything! Yay! I’m a siren!!!

    I simply answered “I love this plan” because it’s true and becauser “this plan feels good” sounds weird in French. It’s so hard to translate feeling messages…



  297.  #297Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Thank you Femininewoman and Sensual, Yes I hope the kids will ask for me, this will be a shift for him because his kids are so important to him and that was part of our issue. But also, I know HE will miss me, no matter if he is on match, it might even trigger that he misses me more… I hope. I have had a very open heart with him and last monday we had an amazing evening, I was all feeling messages. But tonight he told me monday was great but his gut was telling him something. I think it’s all the tension of the past few xmas vacation weeks and my flipping over him going to see movie with work colleague. I feel now he is closed off somehow, at the same time he says he ‘thinks’ and ‘thought’ about our relationship like his heart is more closed and he is being logical about the issues around xmas.

    I DONT KNOW WHAT DO DO ABOUT MY STUFF AT HIS PLACE… I want to see him but I know I should wait. I feel if I wait it might be better.

    I am in SHOCK now.



  298.  #298Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Lol Tiffany you are late in the blog. But thank you! 🙂 How are you doing?



  299.  #299Tiffany on January 12, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    CurvySiren10 –

    Thank you for saying that you like my long posts. 🙂

    And thank you also for your curiosity about what K told me. It definitely was a kind of a “game-changer.” Or it was more of a “reality-perception-changer.” It’s had quite an effect on me, and I don’t feel quite comfortable posting what it is here. And I’m not sure why. But right now it feels helpful to write in reference to it, and maybe one of these days, it will come out.:)



  300.  #300Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Hum what do you sirens answer when a guy ask you “when?”

    Should I say “Whenever you want”

    or “I am free that day and that day”

    or something else?



  301.  #301Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Thursday or Friday would feel good.



  302.  #302Tiffany on January 12, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Haha, Lizka, I know – but I saw your post and I wanted to add my 2 cents anyway!

    I’m doing better, thanks. 🙂 Just getting over a cold.

    Warming up to the blog again…



  303.  #303Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    FEMININEWOMAN, to be more precise in the ‘part of me’: He said he loves most of me but does not like the me during our vacation with the kids, the tension, the stress we had.



  304.  #304Iamabutterfly on January 12, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    @lk #275 – awww, that made me feel happy. “perfectly awkward & weird. just as the universe created me”

    I feel like God made me perfectly awkward and weird too. But I love that about myself! I love that about YOU! 🙂

    I’m sitting in my room with a towel wrapped around me, clothes all over my room, dripping wet hair, slightly aching back. Wanting to go to bed…wanting to pray…wanting to do something else…not sure what…feel open and sleepy and a little grumpy.



  305.  #305Starla on January 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    291 brenda

    ryan can (Explain the status), so be careful there in imaginary land!!!! it gets lonely there and ur too sireny for that sh*t



  306.  #306VW on January 12, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    Mali #138:

    Aww…I feel soo happy u understand your mom…her reasons and her past…and i totally understand your resentment…

    and yet, remember…resentment also brings resistance…resistance creates pain…:(

    when u feel resentment…and resistance…especially with u mom…i would try at least once a reverse…

    notice yourself …how u feel…what sensations are going through u body…
    Stop any thoughts…and remember to unzip u heart…

    allow the warmth of it the capture the room…imagine u flowing iwth love…when we open our hearts we also allow emphaty to float…take a deep breath…and express a big SIGH…now, SMILE…a surrendering smile…look at the woman in front of u…give her a big hug…

    once this woman in front of u feels safe with u…she would slowly, slowly…release her own walls…at least with u…

    Mali, u have great emphatic skills…use them…the only way u can use them is by opening u heart…and flip any judgements…

    warm hugs….baby steps…:)



  307.  #307VW on January 12, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Ups….i meant emphatic gifts…:)



  308.  #308Starla on January 12, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    ohhhh vw i think u mean empathic heheheehe i love you foreign ladies, i feel jealous of these exotic spelling errors, i want to make them too!



  309.  #309Luzydel on January 12, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    I’ve been doing some lean forwarding with “S”, not because I want to control him, but because some how I feel I have no hope with him and I feel like I need to say something…Ugh! Time to go back to my shell and enjoy me…It is not really that easy to meet someone…



  310.  #310VW on January 12, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    Oh, Starla…:) thank u…that’s cute…

    but don’t do it again…lol 😉

    warm hugs



  311.  #311Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    This LaughingCD is cute. I take 30 minutes to 1 hour to answer his texts, and he replies in the minute EVERYTIME!!

    I said I am open to Saturday. He said “I can’t Saturday and the next weekend I might be outside of the city. Can’t you make it tomorrow?”

    but I had plan to go running tomorrow since I couldn’t today because of the snowstorm…

    Lizka DO NOT undo your plans for a man. No no no. It would be a bad thing hey?



  312.  #312Starla on January 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    CF came over, and we hugged and kissed for 20 or 30 blissful minutes and i had to kick him out to take care of myself and work. i felt tears in my eyes hugging and kissing him. i’ve never felt that before with another man. i feel mucho love. he said “you are extra lovey today.” i’ve never said ‘i love you’ because he hasn’t exactly said it straight out to me, but i was tempted to tell him “i feel mucho love!” but i stopped myself.

    i see him turning over the words in his head. i can sense it. one day he will blurt them out. i’m glad he hasn’t yet. i’m not ready to say them back even though i think that’s what i’m feeling. i would feel confused hearing those words without talk of a commitment and a plan for a life with him.

    he is also very shy. i noticed when i open my heart to him, he’ll follow suit very quickly. i think he is still focused on not freaking me out and scaring me off, hehe, it’s cute.



  313.  #313Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Flowerchild 287

    When I met M, he was not was I had envisionned. His photo on the dating site was old and very misleading. He was also shorter than what I had imagined. Our 1st date was so-so, but the 2nd and 3rd were getting used to. When he first took my hand during a walk in the park in the snow was when I knew I wanted to see him again. At first, his looks were a trade-off, but now I find him appealing.



  314.  #314Starla on January 12, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    lizka, i don’t want u to undo your plans, is there another day that might work?



  315.  #315Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Maybe I could suggest a brunch with mimosas instead of a dinner with wine? Is that overfunctionning? I guess so…



  316.  #316Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    308: Luzydel

    Just lean back slightly, DO NOT lean forward because you ‘need’ to get closer.



  317.  #317Lolita on January 12, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    I wish I had not called M tonight.



  318.  #318LILI 41 on January 12, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Hey Ella!

    Just came back from Zumba class!

    I feel so good. It feels good to shake off the cobwebs. 🙂

    I went for 2 classes in the fall, then I had to stop coz I was sick for 1 1/2 months.
    Gee it feels great to be healthy!

    The instructor was a cute sexy hispanic man.
    He took his top off and danced bear chested! gggrrrrrrrrr
    He was all playful and flirty. A real treat.

    Another fun moment was when I got home and there was a missed call from D at about an hour before.
    He called again 3 minutes after I walked in.
    He asked where I had gone.
    I hadn’t told him about my plans for the evening.
    I kidded around and said I went to the bar to flirt with the bartender.

    I feel glad to have missed his call.
    It’s time I get a life of my own and not be sitting at home available for him all the time.
    My ego doesn’t like that.



  319.  #319Starla on January 12, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    wow vw i feel so triggered reading your reply to me. i read it as condescending and dismissive. i’m not going to hold it against you or anything, i promise! just noticing. and noticing that i feel like…approval seeking with you and daria too sometimes. like even though i feel burned sometimes in the way you both reply to me, and i “swear off” ever talking to either of you here, sooner or later i’m posting something to either of you and hoping you’ll “like me” or “notice” me.

    ugh i feel disgusted with myself for this.

    wow i am being really honest about how i feel and what my patterns are.

    ohh but VW i did see you asked me (Well, you told me to) not to do it again, so i won’t, no problem.



  320.  #320Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Lolita don’t regret.

    You might have call him in a bad moment and yes, this is why it happen. But my guess is that if you stay lean back, he will rethink about it and realise that THIS moment was a bad moment for him, but that it didn’t worth being without you at all other moments…

    Lol, I don’t think it makes sense…



  321.  #321VW on January 12, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    aww Starla…sigh…i appologize 🙂

    it is a joke in my family… my son and i do that to each other often…lol…

    it means u are part of the family…in my culture, if we not “fighting” or sound like it to the outside…we are not “family”…lol…i have a hunch u might relate to that…:)

    on a different note, the spell checker accepts both spellings…yet, they do appear to have different and actually opposite meaning…so thank u for bringing that up to my attention…

    warm loving hugs,



  322.  #322Starla on January 12, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    i feel so happy and proud of myself. i fed myself first thing tonight. i even told CF “you don’t have to go home yet (he didn’t want to leave) but i HAVE to get in the kitchen and fix myself something to eat before the night gets started”

    this is big for me.

    then he stood there and watched me cook the green beans (haha i am the green bean queen) and i said “you feel so far away” and he came up behind me and held me while i cooked. then i started dropping sh*t because i was so distracted by his caresses, lol

    i started saying sweet nothings to my wonderful organic greenbeans as i was cooking them and they were smelling so good, and CF got jealous! hahaha i’ve never seen him get jealous before. and of green beans?!?!?! haha i feel so much adoration for him. i feel so seen that he can feel my passion for life, so much that he gets a little jealous.

    yay starla thank you for feeding me dinner! now you can get in the shower and put some lovely lavender lotion on.



  323.  #323Starla on January 12, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    vw sorry for misunderstanding, you are so sweet to listen to me right now when i was feeling bad.

    and you know what, actually, i said i felt so triggered, but compared to how i used to get triggered, it felt pretty easy and tolerable. so it’s all relative, and my trigger scale is compacting. yay



  324.  #324lk on January 12, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    just had an amazing vision:

    massaging my partner, him telling me how he wants his body to be: steady hips & shoulders, flexible like thick snakes, heavy limbs like the home trees, clear throat, large breath, large mind, help me to see — i’m asking him now, easy breasts, ocean hips, mind coasts on that breeze, all infinite into the earth & sky, yes, easy

    we the women dance with the men all easy like no worries like a glance a wink no worries all easy

    mmm & i dream about it

    but here i am alone, less happy ? no

    i massage myself to strength in a love for this one moment of body

    i could be homeless, sick, alone
    or the Queen, plush, lover beside her

    for all this fear & comfort i waver between

    mmmm & to love myself & to love another & to love all others. something about that is very mathematical & i’m tempted to write an equation.

    how strong i feel

    i told my friend tonight, yes we are goddesses – imagine our children ! they will fly out of our wombs – they will breathe underwater

    mmmm yes i feel that psychic connection & the pain of you who are afraid to be intruded – you think you have secrets – you think you have guilt !

    oh guilt is the wound & we want healing.

    there is only the moment – of course, we know that logically – but really think on that for just one

    moment

    & if that’s true then it’s just basically zero because you saw how short that just was.

    math again, yes.

    & we surround it (the moment) with context – memories (past) & patterns (past) & fears (future) & hopes (future) – which is cool, because if we can really play with that in our imagination, we can access our own momentary omniscience : ) neat

    math ? hm omniscience sounds like 8 infinity

    zero infinity & … ummmm what negative infinity? yes but i’m afraid of that

    weird, lk, don’t be afraid of numbers.

    in my imagination, negative infinity is right next to infinity – like, on a circle of circumference = 8 infinity, the distance between two adjacent points on the circle is equal to both 0 and 8 infinity

    as my mother pointed out, however, this is faulty logic. she says, if you did that with a circle with circumference 24 than you’d get 2 totally disparate distances – say point x & y, 5 units apart in one direction & 19 units apart in the other direction – that relationship is totally arbitrary

    i hear that. but, i say, no. the universe i’ve seen isn’t linear, it’s circular or something….. so i like my image better : )

    wow my heart is beating, my phone is ringing… & julieta venegas is playing & i must go dance



  325.  #325FlowerChild77 on January 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Lolita, yes, I understand. My old pattern was that if I didn’t feel attracted to him (instant chemistry) then I couldn’t imagine myself with him, etc.

    I did get over that many years ago, as it was so obviously not serving me.

    So, yeah, I do understand how taking the time and getting to know a man can completely surprise a girl! 😉



  326.  #326VW on January 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Starla:

    first, i sooo honor your honesty…and you expressed it sooo warmly…thank you…

    wow…i read u post again…and gosh…we are mirrors of each other…remember when i told u i felt reluctant to give feedback because i often thought u don’t like me?

    wow….

    so, based on what u shared with me about u mom…is it possible I trigger parts of your interaction with her that you closed off to and possibly rejected as culture?

    warm hugs,



  327.  #327Starla on January 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    lk i think u should start a blog to share things like the #323

    thank you for observing life and the universe



  328.  #328Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Starla your green beans story feels fun and cute. I feel very inspire by you and CF.

    I want a man who ” can feel my passion for life” too…



  329.  #329Starla on January 12, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    vw omigoodness no i don’t remember you telling me that!! probably because i am so busy worrying about if other people like ME to even remember that someone else felt that way with me.

    oh man.

    love you VW



  330.  #330Starla on January 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    wow i just got this feeling like maybe i should try to work an hour now and take an hour break to take care of myself and then finish up the other work hour after.

    yes i can do that! i forget!! i am always locking myself into various paradigms, even when it’s a new one i devised to free myself from the old one.

    ahhh this feels like a big sigh of relief in my whole being.

    then i won’t be in the shower feeling anxious about work productivity AND i get to hang out here with you lovely ladies for a while longer. i don’t feel ready to go.



  331.  #331Lizka on January 12, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    Yay!! We finaly set up a date for next Friday (not tomorrow, but the other after)!

    He will come over, bring the food and the wine (a lot he said) and I will choose what I cook. I don’t mind cooking, I love cooking. Actually, I feel actually very happy cooking because I hate eating what other people cook unless it’s my mom or at the restaurant.

    I feel SO excited about finaly having a CD who invite me for a date! Really, that just made my day. Even my week!! Feeling happy and I can go sleep in a super good mood.

    Good night sirens, good night Lolita. xoxo



  332.  #332Starla on January 12, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    it felt really bad telling myself i HAVE to get in the shower (so i can get to work after), even though what i really want at the time is to get some work done. then i will def. take care of myself after an hour. it still feels important to me that i ensure that i take nice care of myself!! because even when i don’t feel like it, it helps me be so much happier overall



  333.  #333Luzydel on January 12, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    Was talking to a guy from POF; He is not looking for a serious relationship, but it is fun to talk to him. Someone to keep around wen I start feeling the need to chase “S”… “D” texted me yesterday to tell me he thinks about me sometimes 🙂 he also did not want a serious relationship, so I had to let him go. Then this other guy keeps saying he wants to meet me, but I see no effort on his part to do so. I am Cding, but not hardcore anymore. I used to have 3 dates every weekend, it served its purpose, but I felt I was loosing myself in the process, so now I just do it a few times a month. I like being alone sometimes and I like being with a man sometimes 🙂

    Gosh “S” is the best some times, I just wish he commits to me more :(… I cannot force him so I have to keep moving.



  334.  #334Starla on January 12, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    that sounds like a fun date yay lizka i’m happy for you, good night



  335.  #335Senior Lady Vibe on January 12, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    @187: lk says:
    “…& @SLV
    please excuse me if you felt unsafe reading my comment actually, my intention was to encourage Tiffany to feel safe… but i feel a little sad that possibly that is not how my comment sounded to her or to you…?

    It read to me that you told Tiffany I had posted something about the length of her posts. I hadn’t and I didn’t want to leave her thinking I had.



  336.  #336light heart on January 12, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    I felt so good being complimented by
    my date tonight, i just kept saying, thank
    you, that feels good to hear…and it did!
    waterwheel, waterwheel….

    it was our first meeting, he bought me dinner,
    the best compliment was him telling me how
    feminine I am, and how rare it is to come
    across a feminine woman….

    this is good, because i show up as
    ‘intelligent’ to many people, including
    him, and for him to also say he
    views me as ‘feminine’ is nice,

    gee, it feels good to be on a date
    and not to have to
    think and be clever and witty and
    interesting, just tap into your feelings
    and watch their eyes light up when
    you say how things make you feel
    and what would feel good and nice
    and what makes you happy

    i let him set the pace of the date
    he wants to take me out again

    i like him, this one has a definite clue,
    i will go out with him again if he asks,
    i felt his good energy when he held
    my hand in his and by the things he
    said about building attraction and
    romantic partnership

    he said ‘i don’t kiss on the first date’
    i thought that was a cute thing to say
    from what he followed up with, it means
    that he waits for the signal from the woman
    when she is ready for that

    🙂
    light heart



  337.  #337LILI 41 on January 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    (((Lolita)))

    Same thing happened to me last spring.
    I went out dancing in a night club and met a really great and nice guy.
    That felt good and gave me confidence that D is not the only great guy in the world.
    The guy called a couple of times and it was awesome talking to him.
    D called after only 2 weeks.
    He got scared of losing me for good when he found out about the other guy.
    So he gradually came back.
    The other guy was just a cd, coz his work schedule was impossible to mesh w mine.

    But anyway, just go out, have fun and take care of yourself to recenter.
    You will look and feel good if he comes back.

    Prend bien soin de toi Lolita.



  338.  #338LILI 41 on January 12, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    335:

    LH you rock Siren!



  339.  #339light heart on January 12, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    I am so going to be embracing the vibe of
    the possibility of a man cheating on me is
    not even a blip on my radar screen…
    because I am too busy being me and having
    fun doing it to care, knowing full well
    that I don’t have to worry about it, because
    if he is, the universe will spit him out of
    my vortex, without me having to do, know,
    or say anything…wow does that feel good

    🙂
    light heart



  340.  #340Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    I like Panda bears!

    Silly two minute video…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeuJvO2l-Uk&feature=colike



  341.  #341light heart on January 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    thanks, Lili, that feels good to hear that from a fellow siren!

    🙂
    light heart



  342.  #342LILI 41 on January 12, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    338:

    And thaat feels good to read…I’m having trust issues. Yuurkkk.
    Going to go put trust and faith in my vortex now.



  343.  #343Emerson on January 12, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    OMG ladies…I feel butterfies…I feel scared and akward…I feel like a dork…

    A guy just approached me while I was sitting in a coffee shop and started talking to me…I’ve met him before randomly in town and he gave me his business card but I never contacted him..kinda forgot about him and ppooof…here he appears right in front of me!!

    I’m so akward and trying to think of feeling messages to say…and I felt so stiff and akward the whole time he was talking to me! I was trying to be soft and open but I felt like a robot was talking! LOL
    I dunno why!
    I feel all weird and stiff and formal! I was smiley though and squeezed out a couple of feeling messages and even thought I felt they sounded akward, he smiled and received them warmly…

    omg I was so nervous even though I don’t feel like a huge attraction to him I was just feeling weird talking to a strange man…but I didn’t pick up any danger signals from him or anything…just the fear of talking to a stranger and thinking I sound weird and robotic hahhaahaha

    OMG its ok Emerson I love you and you are not a robot! Emerson he likes you and it’s ok, he noticed you and saw something endearing, it’s ok u r akward even though you are pretty too…lol

    I feel amused at myself and I feel impressed that he had the guts to walk up and talk to me again!!! Hes kinda cute!



  344.  #344LILI 41 on January 12, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    339:

    Awwww Brenda.

    Dontcha just wish you could huggem.



  345.  #345Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #304 – I have reformatted my approach. I am going in with no expectations. Then I won’t need to deal with disappointments. I am just staying in the moment.

    Ryan is focusing on his healing, and rightly so. He would be unwise to get in a serious relationship right now.

    I am focusing on my weight loss and continued emotional healing.

    I am doing my best to just stay there. In the meantime, I am in love with him.

    I feel really good about how Ryan and I are relating these days. I keep my expectations out, and he relaxes. Then we enjoy each other’s company.



  346.  #346lk on January 12, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    i’m going to go cry in bed & eat chocolate eggs & read the hollow hills i feel like a naked baby



  347.  #347Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    Starla and LK,

    I guess more than anything, I don’t like to feel defensive. And too often I feel defensive, and then I go into explaining, and I am sick of functioning like that.

    It would feel good if people just trusted my process and gave me support as I work thru everything. I am growing. That’s what matters.

    I don’t need constant correction. Then I just feel bad about myself.



  348.  #348Senior Lady Vibe on January 12, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    @240: FlowerChild77

    Thanks for your kind words.

    It’s wonderful that you’re getting snow. It’s magical!



  349.  #349light heart on January 12, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    i decided that i also want to keep JCD in my rotation, because something somehow feels unfinished there…he knows how to trigger me in things that I have to work on….and makes me work on authentically communicating better ….and not commenting on everything and getting lost in details…..good practice…things hadn’t left off on a good note about two weeks ago, i was b*tchy and he was being difficult, and then i unfriended him from fb, so i leaned forward yesterday, and texted a short ‘i thought of you when i was (near his place of work) today’, just as a sign that i hadnt slammed the door in his face, but not expecting anything because i’m really involved in my own stuff, and doing really good with that…..and then he texted back the next day something nice about when he thinks of me, and i felt so happy,
    there’s just something about him….he once told me he never met anyone like me, and i told him i never met anyone like him….the thing that keeps me interested is that he has indicated that he is interested in healing through a woman’s heart, but i can only get fully involved in that if he cares just as much about my feelings, immediately after his own

    🙂
    light heart



  350.  #350Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #211 – Awww, how sweet! I love how you expressed yourself to him!



  351.  #351Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    LK,

    Are you upset? What is going on?



  352.  #352Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    Hmm, here’s how I could stop from being motor mouth when I am in the presence of Ryan:

    Just imagine I can only say one sentence or two, like we are texting.



  353.  #353Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #210 – Penis Game? Do tell!



  354.  #354light heart on January 12, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    lk, i ate chocolate covered licorice earlier…
    yum, yum
    are you ok? what up?

    🙂
    light heart



  355.  #355Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Just got back from the date. I believe it went well. I kept saying “I miss you” and it feels so good to be here with you. He remembered the last time we went out and told me the last time I called. I told him I needed to him something and he became attentive. I told him about how I felt about certain things, that I don’t want my life to be casual or for people to be taking me for granted. I told him about the incident and sharing with the other person how I feel disrespected. He asked about the other guys I was dating and I said yes but it was nothing serious. He kind of kept putting it on me then admitted that he had been busy with work. He responded really well to the I miss you messages and asked a lot of questions about my life. He asked if I was happy and I kind of lit up and shared about my desires and other things I am looking forward to for this year with job etc. He asked if I was happy and I said for the most part. If I said I was 100% happy it would not be true and I told him he is one of the people that I feel comfortable being myself with and I don’t want to be superficial with him. I really focussed on sharing the I feel messages. He promised to get the car and come by the door so I could leave my coat. I went to the ladies room afterwards and he did get the car as promised. When he dropped me off I shared again that I miss him and he promised several times to make himself more available. I felt like I was missing the hug so I said I feel untouched. He said and leaned over and held me. I melted into myself and said aww that feels good and he prolonged it.

    I really leaned back the whole time and tried to drop into my pelvis. He asked a lot of questions about my life including about my parents. Again I got the impression that one of his concerns is that I take care of my parents. He shared in the past that he is not willing to live with in-laws. I feel happy we reconnected. I remained peaceful and relaxed for the most part. Before he came my NVs were kicking in telling me he would not be coming. I said wow to them when did you all become so loud. I started to tell myself love is coming to me. Then he called 2 minutes before the planned meet up time asking if I was really serious. I got the sense that he believed I might have been toying with him. When I said I was serious he said he was close by. It seems that it is really the first time that he is feeling my heart.

    Lolita this is a man who has run for the hills in the past. He has taught me that men say one thing and will do another. He has taught me that men really love the feminine way regardless of how tough they pretend to be they like softness in us. Though they try to ignore their feelings they like feelings coming from us. I really believe there is hope for your situation but you have to work on your inner game. I am hoping you can join me with that. Pining over him is wasted energy that can be used to change your insides to confidence. I know it is hard to get through the grieving process but it is worth it when you come out on the other end and start meeting men who want you.



  356.  #356Starla on January 12, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    346 brenda
    sorry to make you feel defensive.

    i feel defensive of YOU! cuz i want to defend you from imaginary relationships. you are very special and so is ryan, but even so, it’s still an imaginary relationship. you are friends. just because YOU’RE in love with him doesn’t mean you’re not just friends.

    i feel concerned that you will hurt yourself by not accepting this 100%. it could change in the future, i believe, but i don’t expect it ever will if you don’t 100% accept the friends thing first. when i hear you say your relationship can’t be defined, i feel so tense for you. the relationship IS defined as friends. not “friends for now”. that is you in imaginary land.

    brenda i don’t want to embarrass you or make you feel attacked either. i feel tempted to tell you that if you accept the friends thing on a more deep and inward level, ryan is far more likely to pursue you romantically (it’s true), but i don’t want you choosing healthy, self esteem-driven behavior and attitudes in order to get a man who has rejected you…i want you to do it for you, because that’s how it sticks and that’s when we get happy and that’s when we get the guy, whether it’s ryan or some even better guy, and ummm i am rambling…thank you for reading this. i’m sure you get my point by now.



  357.  #357Femininewoman on January 12, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    BTW I tried not to give directions and responded only when he asked. When we got back he drove a slightly different route and was about to miss a turn and I said right here. He said excitedly why didn’t you tell me. I said “I trust you that you know what you are doing”. I want to start using this words like trust to get my unconscious mind to accept trusting that I don’t have to help him along and to build trust between us.



  358.  #358Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Starla,

    I just saw your boots on an ad on the side of yahoo email!



  359.  #359light heart on January 12, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Lili,
    you’ll feel so much better putting faith in your vortex where there is only allowing the fullness of who you are…. the feeling of fear is your sign that you’re veering into what if-land, and fragmenting into details that are irrelevant to your joy

    🙂
    light heart



  360.  #360Starla on January 12, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    i guess i wasn’t rambling just yet but i was about to, so i called myself out on it…

    i always feel super triggered about the rambling.

    i want to be concise and effective communicating.

    blah blah blah

    shower time.



  361.  #361Starla on January 12, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Brenda, I think yahoo crawls our overstock.com history and plugs it into their ad module.

    creepy huh?

    i stalked a couch on overstock.com for a couple of days, and then it started stalking ME all over the internet hahaha for like a month.



  362.  #362Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #355 – Thanks for caring about me! What you said resonates with me.

    When I said I can’t define it, it was my way of not “going there”, as I explained later in 346.

    I am in a good space with it, and I am working with a good therapist.



  363.  #363Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #360 – Yikes, that does feel creepy!



  364.  #364Emerson on January 12, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    360 Starla that made me laugh because that has totally happened to me before! I was stalking some boots and then they started stalking me too! Kinda funny but it is creepy!

    I never bought anything on overstock…perhaps I should check it out!!



  365.  #365Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    FW,

    RE: #354 – Yay! Happy for you!



  366.  #366Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    I feel melancholy and a little sad tonight. I want to go to bed, but I feel frozen here.

    I want to be held.

    I like cuddling.



  367.  #367Emerson on January 12, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Dang this blog moves fast ladies….I cannot keep up



  368.  #368tenny on January 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    I feel overwhelmed by my feelings for CD song – and it feels good. He enters my space and is exploring tenderly. OH MY GOD!!! I feel too much. Our whole conversation is sensation, but you see, that is because I am sensation and he sense this. WOW! I feel scared but then I breathe and feel the moment fade into anticipation. And he is anticipating too, but I don’t think he is scared – he says he wants us to emerge each time having the same vibe we have now – to go up, not down with it . . . I have to breathe, slow myself down and enjoy this. He opens up to me and I’m swirling from all of the information and thoughts and feeling. He is so real I need to pinch myself. It’s a rush of feelings, I’m going to practice the tools from Siren “meadow” with him this weekend



  369.  #369Starla on January 12, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    I wonder if longing for physical affection like cuddles and holding can be assuaged a bit by doing things like rubbing lotion into our skin brushing or a hot shower?

    hmm i think it might actually, not that i think about it. it doesn’t last for particularly long, but it definitely seems to be taking the edge off of it for me.

    this lotions smells awesome



  370.  #370Daria on January 12, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Starla – yeah and the deer exercise does that for me too



  371.  #371Starla on January 12, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    *now that i think about it,
    not “not that i think about it”

    pardon my typos



  372.  #372Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    I feel really sensitive and vulnerable, like I need to cry.

    Maybe I need 2 mourn all the losses of all the things that have passed me by in life.

    I hear so many people say how much their sons and daughters mean to them. Sometimes I just feel sick about not ever knowing what it’s like to be pregnant or anything. I feel like a non sometimes, yeah, that’s what the voice recognition said. I feel like that, too. But it was supposed to say I feel like a nun.

    I don’t want to b a nun. I want to be a wife and a mother more than anything in the world. Sometimes I struggle with trusting god.



  373.  #373Daria on January 12, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    Wow I felt a tingle and sting in my left kidney… While I was having the thought that I’m saying that too much and I’ll be thought of as annoying and pushy (and get back one of those polite stony responses – not from Starla in particular)

    Sigh

    Mmm

    I’m feeling anxious

    I feel sad

    Bummed

    No plans again

    And I actually feel real good at home and yet everytime someone contacts me I am feeling excited and tingly in top of tummy imagining they will come kick it

    I feel grabby

    Leaning back from that
    I feel sad and lonely

    I wonder what Goddess is up to

    Mmm she wants to do meditating and hypnosis and inner healing now

    And ‘me’ feels bummed. Me feels sad.



  374.  #374Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    I feel really sensitive and vulnerable, like I need to cry.

    Maybe I need 2 mourn all the losses of all the things that have passed me by in life.

    I hear so many people say how much their sons and daughters mean to them. Sometimes I just feel sick about not ever knowing what it’s like to be pregnant or anything. I feel like a non sometimes, yeah, that’s what the voice recognition said. I feel like that, too. But it was supposed to say I feel like a nun.

    I don’t want to b a nun. I want to be a wife and a mother more than anything in the world. Sometimes I struggle with trusting God. But then I pray God please help my unbelief.



  375.  #375Daria on January 12, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    I wonder how I’d use voice recognition to write…

    I feel scared to check it out



  376.  #376Brenda on January 12, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    Daria,

    I think fear is stuck energy. I downloaded the better keyboard application. I simply touch the microphone button and I speak when it prompts me. I love it, and now I can text and stuff really fast.



  377.  #377Starla on January 12, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    371 brenda wow i feel moved reading what you wrote, i can feel more of you, thank you for sharing something so deep and vulnerable



  378.  #378Starla on January 12, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    wait it’s 373, not 371 oopsies



  379.  #379Daria on January 12, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    Wow I feel triggered Starla writing she doesn’t know how to use I feel yet naturally in other languages.

    I know I’ve shared about how I use it and do has Dominique in agreement w me.

    I feel very stone cold going to judgement.

    Ok stop

    I feel invisible and dismissed.

    I feel furious.

    What the hell am I ? A dumbass? I’m not worthy of being heard.

    It’s like I never existed!

    Wow I feel so angry about that!

    And I feel frustrated w myself

    I feel worried expressing this will push Starla and other people away…

    I feel stuck and trapped

    It’s so unfair!

    I don’t want to feel unheard invisible or not respected thank you universe.

    Wow I feel so angry!

    I feel tense in my hand, I feel pouty stony face w tight jaw hinges.

    I feel like small breathing

    Big breath

    Giggle

    I love me

    I want to heal



  380.  #380Daria on January 12, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    I feel sad.

    I think I was trained to not let people treat me like I’m dumb or like my opinion doesn’t matter.

    I feel outraged

    I also feel confuzzked and embarrassed and alone

    I feel unsafe expressing the truth that I feel outraged.

    Sigh.

    Daria when I say something I don’t want to be acted to like u never heard me or like what I said is not good enough for you ok?

    Thanks.

    I do not want to not feel respected… Important

    Taken seriously

    I do not want to feel less than or invisible

    I feel sooooooo angry about that

    I feel like hurting and twisting you to expresses my anger and make sure to be heard And taken seriously.

    Cuz saying just I feel angry seems weak

    It does not manipulate or control the situation

    It’s vulnerable!

    So saying I feel angry is ‘stupid’

    It’s inviting more abuse.

    Not safe.

    U gotta scare em or defend yourself or else there will be more abuse.

    I want to heal this… Thank you



  381.  #381Daria on January 12, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    I’m getting triggers and flashes of my Dad.

    I want to apologize to Starla for any triggers

    But I also want to punish and withhold respect communication and love.

    I feel tingly in my inner thighs.

    I love my tingles
    Hehe

    I love me

    I want to heal this



  382.  #382Turquoise on January 12, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    Hi everyone,

    Girls are away with their dad until Sunday. I enjoyed a quiet night at home, dealing with a headache all day. We are supposed to get quite a storm tonight and the wind is blowing like crazy. I’m so tired, off to bed… just wanted to say hi, I skimmed over the blog and will be back tomorrow.

    🙂

    Oh, I hooked my old computer up to the tv, now I can read your comments on a 46″ screen!



  383.  #383River Girl on January 12, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    ((((Brenda))))

    I hear you Brenda, I feel that sadness too, silent tears just starting rolling down my cheeks as I read your post. Sometimes the grief of not being able to have children feels overwhelming and seems so unfair. I wonder what can be my purpose here if I don’t get to fulfil the most basic human purpose.



  384.  #384Daria on January 12, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    Ok so I feel triggered by Lks post now.

    I don’t call men and I feel defensive.

    What if the tools are a lifestyle for me – I like it. I feel important high status unique and desirable.

    And I feel pist and I feel alienated .

    Like oh they’re tools not a lifestyle. It’s dumb to Jane it as a lifestyle. That’s stupid.

    And I feel stony faced.

    I think I’d be using energy I could use to direct to other things instead of calling a guy to soothe me. I would be using him as a crutch to soothe myself by calling him.

    I wouldn’t even want to call him. Shoot I don’t even want him to call me.

    I don’t want no calls or texts unless it’s to make plans to see me live.

    I don’t want to phone connect.

    I can use that time otherwise and still receive the full connection of in person time which is what matters to me.,,

    Hmmm

    I feel choked.

    Sigh.

    I feel sad.

    No one will ever understand me.

    More sad

    Lk is tricking herself about that or she wouldn’t be defensive. Which is what the post sounded like with the explaining parts.

    So why am I defensive ?

    Maybe I would like to hear from men in between dates?

    Not really I don’t give a fuchk

    I mean I feel annoyed mostly when I do.

    Rori said 10 min only…

    Last nite I did 3 hours and it felt good but then kinda uncomfortable.

    Blah.

    I feel frustrated.

    Sorry Lk for any triggers.

    I feel unconfortable writing that. I judge it as bs.

    Umph sigh

    I feel sad



  385.  #385Starla on January 12, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    woah daria that feels really bad to read, it feels like you’re getting super angry and judgey at me because i am not good at something. it sucks.



  386.  #386Daria on January 12, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    I feel jealous of laughing till we cry and simultaneous climaxing

    Norma I’m like see she’s not fooling herself she has spmethinh

    No wait she’s not married…. Guyfriend cd waits on me too

    It’s not about calling him

    I’m avoiding my feelings

    I feel scared

    Scared of being judged

    I also felt heartbroken reading that Abraham bullshit about guy at height of sexuality

    Fuchk that abraham

    Sigh

    I’m feeling so scared

    It is so not safe to be me and show my thoughts

    But the thing is to show my feelings!

    My thoughts aren’t real

    I feel…

    Calm

    I love my calmness

    I feel …

    Jittery

    I love my jitteriness

    Big breath sigh

    I feel…

    Vulnerable

    I love my vulnerableness

    I feel…

    Pinched in my chest

    Giggle

    I love my poched in chest

    I love my poched on nose tingle

    Sigh

    Giggle

    Giggle



  387.  #387Daria on January 12, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Mmm this feels good…

    only 1 man will “win” her & it will be the one who consistently brings her gifts she likes, who helps her to travel & be her best Queen self, who admires her for the attention she receives & is not jealous, who is strong & does not doubt his ability to support her, who always comes to her rescue when she feels exhausted



  388.  #388Daria on January 12, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Reading Lks posts is triggering me to lean forward and call men

    That feels cool in the moment but I feel … Less high standards….

    And more dependent on men to make me feel better nooo

    I don’t want to do that

    Sure I Can do something

    But I don’t have to do anything

    I can actually sit here and feel lonely and I Love my loneliness

    Am I abusing myself through deprivation?

    No it’s not about men

    It’s about soothing me being blissfully happy alone

    Why alone

    Cyz I’m always alone people let me down

    Hmmm

    That feels sad

    I’ll always be pretty much this alone

    As much as I don’t want to

    I will have kids to not feel lonely but they’ll probably run from my neediness or I won’t like them

    Hmmm

    That feels sad

    Flash to my mom

    I want to heal this

    I feel desperate and a part of me inside is sobbing



  389.  #389Daria on January 12, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    My goddess does not want to experiment w calling that man .
    She wants to be alone.

    It would feel deep to get my blood.

    Goddess feels jealous of pink hair sirens and sirens who get reward for doing what they love.

    Hmmm

    I want to care more for me

    I want to do the secret magic thing

    But I don’t want to do it now

    And I don’t have to rush

    I have all the time in the world



  390.  #390Daria on January 12, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    Wow I felt scared reading
    ‘whoa Daria that feels really bad to read’

    That’s all I caught in my scrolling

    I felt the tingles in my tummy… And Run!

    I was expecting that

    I feel frustrated that it seems like almost always when I post honestly and stuff that I feel afraid to say thinking it will push people away…

    It seems the Do say they feel angry or bad etc

    Is this my curse to never be safe or loved being me?

    I know I’m all fuchkrd up cuz my dad is

    🙁

    That feels sad

    That was just a thought it’s not true

    Sigh

    I feel sad and limp inside

    I give up…

    It’s clear no one will like me so why try?

    I feel confused… Try what

    We’ll try to call myself having friends

    I guess I don’t

    Sigh

    🙁

    I suchk

    I love me

    I love my hopeless feeling

    Smily



  391.  #391Daria on January 12, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    We are born empty handed and die empty handed

    Mm this feels bad

    I feel angry when I read dramatic stuff like this that tends toward sadness

    (I’m sure I’ve now judged and pushed away)

    Anyway yeah it would feel better for me to drop the suffering drama out my life and say something like we are born in love and fullness and die in love and fullness.

    Feeling all scared and stone faced.

    Sigh.

    How many more people will I push away tonight by being honest about what I feel reading their posts?

    I already skipped some that I felt judgmental of.

    Maybe just one…

    I notice my thoughts are full of doom and jufgement ..,

    Love to me



  392.  #392Starla on January 12, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    ugh i feel kinda knocked around being personally called out and deliberately triggered for your own processing purposes and then just deliberately ignored.

    i don’t want to be used that way again. but of course, i can’t assert my boundaries here if YOU WON’T BOTHER TO READ THEM!

    I feel really bad:( it sucks, i’m leaving.



  393.  #393Daria on January 12, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    The word ambitious triggers me, I want to slap somebody ugh

    I’m replacing it in my mind w passionate and full of desire

    I feel relieved I’m not in the ambition trap but still have the possibility of desires

    Reminds me of my dad ugh ambition is a good thing no its not contentment is. Those stupid literature books say man is never satisfied

    Well this woman chooses to be in this life

    Fuchk off all you triggers



  394.  #394Daria on January 12, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    And fuchk that I don’t believe ‘I’m not my body’

    I am my body my body is the goddess it is magical and me



  395.  #395Daria on January 12, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    I know it’s all about me

    No agenda, leaned back not giving energy to texts or phone calls more than 10 min leaves my energy for me all me

    Then I feel powerful

    Then I get better and better men

    I feel pony for the CD who left a voicemail accusing me of being scandalous for not picking up

    But no no drama

    He was wonderful !!! He wanted to show me off!!! That felt so good… I want a man to show me off

    He was cool… And he went down on me

    Mmm

    But I Know I want more, I want no drama

    I can take care of me!

    You know what… I can actually answer texts when I don’t feel tired .. But if it becomes a convo I’ll let the man know I don’t want texts

    Hmmmm
    I love me

    I can ‘afford’ to ‘lose’ some wonderful ones like show me off cd

    Cuz theres always more or better even tho he was the first and I feel panicked thinking there won’t be



  396.  #396Daria on January 12, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    Goddess stays leaned back I love that I have her inside me, I read an article about her it’s like sparkly energy in my body

    She wants to chill right now

    She’s never dissatisfied lol

    That feels good

    So good I feel moved I feel giggly gIggly giggly



  397.  #397Daria on January 12, 2012 at 11:50 pm

    I want a mom or sister or friend to do my hair and nails but they don’t…

    I don’t have that… Dramatic whining thought that feels bad?

    Well I know I can do babysteps for myself.

    Thank you Daria for eating fruit w garlic honey.

    Thank you for not eating chocolate for my no chocolate at note experiment



  398.  #398Daria on January 13, 2012 at 12:00 am

    Thank you Daria for putting on music for mee!!!

    Ooh me gusta!!!

    Me siento bien!! 🙂



  399.  #399Lolita on January 13, 2012 at 12:01 am

    Femininewoman and LILI41,

    3am now and I woke up crying, could not sleep, had a glass of water and opened my heart and palms and I swear I could feel strong waves of his love for me just coming at me, it was not a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach it was pure love waves. It felt good and sad at the same time because of the situation. I am sure he is still in love with me. When my thoughts turned to the kids, I could feel his anger at me. I feel so deeply now this is the only issue and I am sure one that will pass when his anger dissipates. I hope I am not fooling myself, but at the same time I am sooo sure I felt these strong waves of his love for me. I get these feelings sometimes and they help me a lot in my life.



  400.  #400Daria on January 13, 2012 at 12:06 am

    Me siento bien culpable escribiendo en espanol ahorra despise lo que dici

    No quiets limitarme or sentirme no importante y ahorra me siento un poco asustada que estoy judgada on como hablo por decir si, ella no sabe lo de que habla

    Pues… Es un nv

    Y mi iPod me ennoja cambiando todas las palabras pffft



  401.  #401Lolita on January 13, 2012 at 12:08 am

    Femininewoman 354:
    Thank you for the advice. Your date sounds nice 🙂 and I am happy you had a good evening.

    LILI41 336:
    Thank you. No matter what he said, I feel he would not want to loose me either and that if I start dating it will drive him crazy.

    Back to sleep now… I need to ‘function’ ‘feel’ tomorow. xx



  402.  #402Daria on January 13, 2012 at 12:14 am

    I’m feeling so good at home now… Maybe part of the doody thoughts was from being hungry and eating the fruits healed that



  403.  #403Daria on January 13, 2012 at 12:16 am

    I’m now pretty much getting offered what I wanted in terms of going out Weee 🙂



  404.  #404Daria on January 13, 2012 at 12:35 am

    Mmm im watching Oxum videos online and I remember I used to feel uncomfortable and judgmental ( I feel a bit scared I’ll push her way)
    Before .. When I wasn’t owning my ‘brattyness’ I saw it as superficiality but now I feel more open

    There might be more ‘superficiality’ I want such as gifts



  405.  #405Daria on January 13, 2012 at 12:36 am

    Of jewelry and romantic feeling items along w the lovely food and herb gifts I receive all the time 🙂



  406.  #406Daria on January 13, 2012 at 12:39 am

    Super relieved I did not lean forward – when I read about FW experience

    Cringe remembering the feeling for me of insecurity. Ufff no quiero



  407.  #407Silver Moonbeam on January 13, 2012 at 12:47 am

    Tiffany

    I don’t have any problems with your posts or anybody else’s really. Sometimes the lack of spacing will make me skim over a post because it’s just too hard to read and I am usually soooo far behind on the blog LOL!

    And I do skim over some riffings (not always) as it seems it’s the use of a phone to send the messages and I can’t always understand the meaning, having just got an Android myself (yes Brenda 🙂 ) I can see how that happens and I have no idea how you ladies use a phone to write on here, it sends me batty with the piddly little screen/keyboard and the way it keeps changing words……..arrgghhhhh



  408.  #408Daria on January 13, 2012 at 12:49 am

    178: Starla says:

    HI SWEETPEA
    OMG HI GIRL
    HOW ARE YOU?

    I FEEL SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!

    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND FUN AND SMART! YAY! THANKS FOR HANGING OUT WITH US

    hehe see, the above is what i would say if i wasn’t always trying to control my social enthusiasm. cuz i’d freak people out acting like that. sigh. just know you’re not invisible:)”

    Ong I feel so inspired! I want to stop curbing my social enthusiasm! I feel so excited when I see some people on the blog… Like Starla and Lk

    Even though I feel scared of Starla righ now cux I’m projecting one of my old best friends onto her



  409.  #409Daria on January 13, 2012 at 12:52 am

    ‘“Hi,

    I am having trouble catching up with e-mails and feeling soooo bored of typing.

    Here is my number: xxxxxxxxxx.

    It would feel good to hear your voice.

    Ella. x”’

    Ohhhh I live this! Inspiring yes I live the wording
    Sooo tired of typing
    Here is my number

    Feel good to hear your voice!!



  410.  #410Sweetpea on January 13, 2012 at 12:56 am

    I have to say, I’m still feeling triggered by behavior that reminds me of my dad – showing up speaking truth in an alienating way and then feeling bad for feeling alienated.

    I feel amused, perturbed, annoyed and confounded by exhibiting a certain behavior that gets an undesired reaction, yet continuing to exhibit the behavior. Then feeling bad for the (secretly desired for whatever reason) reaction – or mad, angry, whatever.

    Yes. I realize that could be considered judgmental. I feel so confused by my dad speaking truth bluntly and uncaringly to others and then not being able to figure out why he feels rejected. I feel just as confused seeing it here, but grateful for the opportunity to heal it.

    Then I think, “hmmm – Sweetpea, you’re speaking your truth in the same manner – mirror, much?”



  411.  #411Sweetpea on January 13, 2012 at 1:00 am

    Daria,

    So…are you feeling triggered by lk just because you’re feeling tempted you to call a man and you don’t want to feel tempted?

    I felt righteous indignation when I read your first post about it, because I remember you “talking” here about experimenting with leaning forward for a time. Then I read a couple posts later and that seemed that you were feeling triggered for being tempted to call someone.

    I’m feeling confused. And tired and grumpy. I acknowledge that the last two have nothing to do with you – just wanted to get that out there.



  412.  #412Sweetpea on January 13, 2012 at 1:02 am

    I’m going to take the grumpy lioness (me) with the thorn in her paw (getting over the flu, etc) to bed and give her some much needed rest.

    Good night, Siren Island.



  413.  #413Silver Moonbeam on January 13, 2012 at 1:03 am

    #80 lamabutterfly

    I saw that in a Tony Robbins video, about the man standing there tall and strong like a tree while his wife was getting all emotional, and you know it saved their marriage, if you are interested I will try and find it for you……



  414.  #414Daria on January 13, 2012 at 1:05 am

    I feel really triggered by what I judge as SLVs resistance to masculine feminine energy. I am like she doesn’t date so she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

    I feel so tight.

    It reminds me of ME . I wanted a twin as my partner, totally equal totally same working together doing everything together in an equal way

    No me feminine him masculine

    But this did Not work for me! As far as attracting men or finding myself wanted by the men I fell in love with

    Feminine energy I fe do much more powerful / I attract like everyman even the cool ones

    Hmmm

    I feel sad sometime to see people what looks like blocking themselves with beliefs.

    I want to heal this.

    This is not true I’m just seeing it this way.

    Not real.

    Feels scary to be do honest like I’m being now about my judgements

    What I would say about someone or their posts to a friend

    Bit Never out loud to the Person!!!!

    But now I Am saying it outloud.

    I did 5th chakra tapping last nite that might be it showing up

    I want to some 4th on forgiving myself for hurting everyone w my judgements.

    I feel so sad that the beauty in fem energy life is missed by the stoic sirens like me!

    I wonder if I feel sad for me and my lil desires got love growing up when I was in masc energy

    My desire of a twin man, equally powerful

    But ….

    Now I have pretty much a twin man ANC I find I’m like hmm feeling a lil drained in head energy

    Missing the deep quietness I have w others…

    Hmmm

    It will feel so good when I feel Safe posting my truth without fear of loneliness and heartbreak.



  415.  #415Silver Moonbeam on January 13, 2012 at 1:12 am

    # 100 Sweetpea

    Aww thanks, I was so busy with my boy hat on, moving half way across the country, settling into my new job, buying stuff for my flat, etc.

    But I feel like I can finally settle down a bit and as one of my FB friends said, I need to stick some glue on the soles of my shoes. 🙂

    Since 2009 I have moved from Australia to England for a year, back to Oz for 10 months and back here again!! No wonder I was overwhelmed with all the moving and all the jobs and all the setting up home(s)………

    Although the dating hasn’t been really there I have started using the RR tools a LOT more with my daily interactions with men, I see a lot of men in my current job and am being my Sireny self with them even though I am at work, I can be more of a girl in this job than I could before. 😀



  416.  #416Silver Moonbeam on January 13, 2012 at 1:14 am

    #103 Brenda

    You will probably find the silences very uncomfortable when you have always been the chatterer like me. 🙂

    I remember once doing it on the phone with a CD and he said “Are you still there?” and I felt awful because I am sooo used to filling in the blank spaces, baby steps baby girl. 😀



  417.  #417Daria on January 13, 2012 at 1:17 am

    So…are you feeling triggered by lk just because you’re feeling tempted you to call a man and you don’t want to feel tempted?

    I felt a lil scared here . Then I’m like we’ll maybe not being attacked.

    The ‘just’ just seems like I am

    Then I read I feel righteous indignation and im like

    Wow I Am being attacked

    Uff how annoying!!!!!

    Get off me ! Brushing shoulders off

    Ok actually translate that to

    I feel tensed up – scared! And then angry!

    Um yeah I felt triggered. You got a problem with how I feel take it up w God cuz I can’t and don’t control how I feel.

    And I don’t want to hide it that’s why I wrote the post.

    So back up and suchk it attackers!!!

    I’m trying to skip your posts but still running into some while scrolling up.

    This is Daria day.

    Not engaging in debate day.

    Daria processing Her stuff, for Her healing, without reading stuff you write trying to censor me day.

    Or to attack or complain about me.

    Yes I’m aware that I’m attacking judging and getting defensive – in ok even excited about doing that at this point.

    Tho a bit scared and doubtful.

    I feel annoyed at sweetpea in particular cuz I did not attack her – heck I Liked her and them a few days ago she launched in some attack towards me and now seems to be on a hype about it.

    And I feel annoyed judgemental and turned off.

    Well she has issues obviously

    And she’s braking the way I am – noooo I’m not going to understanding fuchk that,

    Back to all about me.

    Sigh.

    It feels easier to not stone gold someone when I skip their attacky posts.

    If I read her posts I’d probably dislike her and feel all judgemental when I read her like I do w silver moonbeam.

    Daria you are doing some weird shit and making everybody hate you.

    Well I want to heal.

    Good thing it’s a blog.

    You are brave Daria I support u.



  418.  #418Daria on January 13, 2012 at 1:24 am

    I feel sad thinking I’m alienating my support system.

    I want to translate every judgement to feeling messages and I feel so sad doing that like I’m limiting censoring myself

    And won’t have the satisfaction of knowing I swept an attacker out the way.

    And ouch my hip!

    I want to feel safe!

    I feel a bit lost!

    I want to get to where I express my anger warmly…

    I feel scared that is inauthentic like smiling while angry

    I love me

    I am willing to go through this discomfort



  419.  #419Daria on January 13, 2012 at 1:29 am

    Umm
    Camille maybe cuz he said he needs space? That feels awful… I would want you to move out if Camille was a part of me nooo I don’t want me in a house feeling unwanted feeling rejected insecure hell naw maybe I can go to a hotel line tori on her own or go to a friends ! Ick!



  420.  #420Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 1:33 am

    What amazes me Daria is how it seems everyone posts triggers you. You “use” your comments to “alienate” people then ask the same group to put money in your paypal. I am here wondering if it is a message to pay you to beat them up. That is my “thinking”. I am wondering again if you are saying that this blog is only for the “perfect” ones like? I can’t help but wonder. Then I wonder about perfect because I have seen you write about reaching out to men, begging men for things, smoking week uuuugggghhh. Is that the “perfect” that should be mentoring me or I should be modeling?



  421.  #421Sirenity on January 13, 2012 at 1:35 am

    Thank you Zara @60

    “We belong to ourselves. We feel like a lost dog without a collar when we lose ourselves. We feel the yearning to belong to someone else or to own someone else when we forget how to own ourselves.”

    This has been me. For too many years now. The lost dog wandering the streets sadly looking for my owner, checking all the doorways and alleys and sniffing the hands of all the men passing by..
    Is this one my owner? Do I belong to that one?

    Oh Dear..if no one collects me from the pound soon , what then? Nasty Voices whispering insistently…

    I have been working on trying to build my completeness and ownership of myself and my feeling of belonging to me.

    My children are moving on into their own lives just like yours Zara..and I am facing the reality that I feel exhausted by all the looking and searching and yearning. And really its time for me to stop.

    For me this means scaling back my dating (it feels so draining and I feel defeated) and just going to yoga and belly dance and walking MY doggie more and working really hard for this year at least, with some special amazing treat days still to be thought up and planned in my calendar.

    This feels sad . I suck at Sirenity ! Hmm ..that will be my new name (crystal eyes)

    But this tail thumping, broad grinning, excitable and entirely lovable doggie has to now stop hopefully sniffing at passing potential owners and just focus on being happy alone. It feels too exhausting and disappointing to keep doing whats not working and still getting the same results.

    (recent dates poofing , or worse still , not coming on to me ,…not touching me after 4 dates ..yikk feels bad..then saying he didnt get the right vibe from me ..huh? I leaned back , I did NOT chase him, I waited for him to come to me…he backed off..apparently I wasnt appearing “into him” enough.And he wasnt the only one, the last one met me weekly for months and didnt kiss me, then vamoosed without warning. Then there was the 10 years older than stated man, and the poofing dancer and narcissist man..)

    This has been going on for years. I claim responsibility entirely for attracting fem energy men and damaged men, and poofers. I am just not giving out the right vibe .

    Back to the drawing board.



  422.  #422Daria on January 13, 2012 at 1:36 am

    I am making everyone part of me now.

    Some parts of me are stubbornly resistant to gem madc energy and insecure and fixated on numbers and ‘reality’ and too scared to put themselves out there.

    That’s the part of me that’s afraid of going to jail for being authentic yes.

    I feel sooo terrified of that I don’t want to ‘go’ there mentally ack

    How will I beat the laws and free my sexy man who’s my brothers cousin poor guy

    Ok I want to believe hell be freed Abraham style Soo
    I just choose that

    Mmmm feels good.

    ***

    Some parts of me distrust others on their opinions and
    expertise unless its checked by me!

    Yeah this is me around money mhhhm. Or maybe around many things – feels scary to up there – how many rings am I a control freak know it all about ?

    I feel scared of that side of me.

    Then There’s righteously indignant protecting others against
    her powerful friend …

    Mmmm sticking up for the other side when they’re blamed yes I do this! W girls and men!

    I feel ashamed! And scared! Of this. Maybe it’s too much and alienates friends… Mmmm

    Well I love all of me!

    Well that was like all that transforming in front if my eyes wow!

    And it’s all meme me!

    I feel smily.



  423.  #423Daria on January 13, 2012 at 1:40 am

    I want to apologize to all my parts for attacking and judging them. Mmm

    I feel scared to apologize to the other people – I want to

    I don’t think they’ll forgive me tho and I feel scared of feeling crushed. Hmmm.

    Ok I will apologize to Me and my parts for attacking and judging them

    Will you all help me be more whole?

    Yes

    Hmmm sigh yea!

    Ok.

    Just thought about some more judgements about people starting fights even when told not to – hmmm maybe that’s me on blog or me mischievous getting caught feels scary and embarrassing and resentful .

    I feel kinda ashamed to feel scared and less than to be ‘caight’ hmmm

    Love to me

    I want to heal this

    !

    These are intense confusing cloudy to be attentive to feelings… Like stuff I avoid! Wow



  424.  #424Silver Moonbeam on January 13, 2012 at 1:46 am

    #135 Mali

    What a beautiful love letter, it inspired me today, thank you for sharing. 🙂



  425.  #425Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 1:47 am

    I feel compelled to tell Rori thanks for not judging your clients who come to you with struggles. Filtering through what they write to put out there how it triggers you because of your own mistakes or telling how angry it makes you. Comparing yourself to them in a downputting way. Both you and Dominique. I guess that is what separates you in my mind as coaches who are seeking to really help people improve their relationships. I honor you both for not putting the women here through your own filters. That is safe making, I can see it now. I hope that will help people to overlook the alienation that has taken place and continue to post their experiences. Maybe they will choose not to do it word for word but give an essence of what happened so they can continue to get the help they need.



  426.  #426Sweetpea on January 13, 2012 at 1:48 am

    I’m feeling annoyed having to skip posts as well. Feels like I’m lolling along on Siren Island enjoying the sun, splashing in the water, playing goddess games and having fun and along comes this little thunder cloud, striking my fellow Sirens with lightning and singeing they’re pretty, pearlescent skin with acid rain. And to make matters worse, it’s all disguised as feeling messages from a fellow Siren.

    Add to that the fact that I do have issues right now – with my dad, yes I do, for raining acid rain on me in his guise of “I’m only telling the truth. What do you want me to do, lie?” I’ve always wanted say to him, “no fu(khead. I want you to actually THINK about how what your saying affects the people you’re talking to and figure out a way to say it that doesn’t feel like a slap in the face. Either that, or grow a thicker skin and quit whining about ‘nobody likes me. I don’t understand’.”

    Then…rather than discussing it, owning up to it, learning from it, doing something different than not’s working..or accepting the fact that you’re going to be alienated if you continue,.just walk away. Yeah. That’s perfect. Way to heal there Dad-o.”

    Sheesh! I feel disgusted. Yeah. I’m feeling triggered. And it’s real easy to just skip one person’s post if I don’t like what they’re saying, but I can’t ignore the hurting Sirens’ comments in responding to them.

    So…I’m choosing to stand and deal with the triggers rather than run away from them.

    Oh fargh it! Is it even worth it? Probably not. Can a leopard change its spots? No, but people can change they’re behavior if they want to.

    What scientist was it who experimented with pain therapy – oh. I guess that would be a psychologist – Pavlov probabably – sadistic bastard…I guess if the pain my dad feels is great enough, he’ll stop doing what’s causing the pain.

    And Daria, I like you too – I just feel highly confused. Your comments lately just seem more like self-sabotage to me than anything else. And I know it hurts you to feel rejected. I don’t want to see you feeling that way for the rest of your life, like my dad has, because you feel compelled to speak your truth in a manner that feels blunt, inconsiderate and alienating. I don’t want to see that for you. It’s caused my dad unending pain and rejection. It’s cost him a good wife, my brother and it’s about to cost him me. When will he learn? How much pain will be enough?When will it stop?

    For him, probably never – I hope you figure it out sooner.

    So… I feel concerned for you and frustrated with him and hopeful that you figure it out faster than he has. Blunt those arrows girl – you can speak your truth and be honest without alienating and hurting people.



  427.  #427Daria on January 13, 2012 at 1:49 am

    Femimininewoman – read the first line. You say what amazes you is how everyone’s posts triggers me.

    Well I feel distrustful reading amazes – and when I read the ‘eberyone’ generalization with that then I feel fearful like may e this is one of those spit out the mind criticisms.

    So i stopped reading but yes

    I actually feel scared his easy it is to trigger myself and wonder if I’m really messed up.

    The other part of me thinks everyone gets triggered that way they’re just not aware or willing to look at it. Or discuss it.

    From my out of blog convos I’ve even heard some people triggers by lots of stuff that did t trigger me so

    That’s evidence for me of the second scenario

    Still I judge myself as judgy and touchy e a vision of my sad who complains about the littlest detail that is not perfect.

    I don’t want to be that way but feel bad and hopeless thinking I am.

    I’m gonna just brave that part of me tho I feel scared I’ll be alone and kinda mean to ppl like my dad but who care as long as I’m loved I mean I still love him… Hmmm

    Just did the stranger exercise w judgy touchy Daria

    And she wound up being a scared girl feeling invisible and unsafe that her truth didn’t seem to match what others thought

    She felt invisible unworthy and terrified – and silent too silent to speak or else she would be silenced shamed and beaten.

    I love her and all of me.

    Sigh.



  428.  #428Daria on January 13, 2012 at 1:50 am

    No one wants to hear your truth. Go along w the program just like we do.

    Haja yes but in virtual reality world I can practice speaking up!

    Look the emperor has no clothes!



  429.  #429Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 1:52 am

    Sweetpea I echo what you are saying.



  430.  #430Daria on January 13, 2012 at 1:52 am

    Yay Ella!



  431.  #431Silver Moonbeam on January 13, 2012 at 1:53 am

    #138 Mali

    From what little I know, I believe your mother is reacting in a cultural way, the old ways are probably all she knows and understands, and it is sooo hard for you younger people caught up in the old Islamic ways and the more modern ways of the Western world.



  432.  #432Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 2:01 am

    Sweetpea I guess the patterns that should be changed is only the ones we use when interacting with men. Here it is okay to continue to slap around Sirens regardless of how it hurts them because it is about “self” healing.



  433.  #433Sweetpea on January 13, 2012 at 2:04 am

    I feel better now. I got to the real feelings there.

    Daria, I feel horrible seeing you hurt yourself by doing the things I’ve seen my dad do all my life. I’ve seen the deep level of pain and experience he’s felt and it feels so frustrating to see hat he could change it if he wanted to – and he doesn’t have to be inauthentic or lie. He can tell people the truth without being a jerk to them. But he doesn’t see it. He hasn’t seen it for 50 years.

    I love him. It hurts me to see him hurt himself over and over. And over and over. Ifeel helpless seeing it. I want to be brave enough and authentic enough to give him his own truth, yet I don’t want torip his heart to shreds like he’s done to so many others – or maybe I’m the only one with the shredded heart. Everyone else just gets the hell away from him.

    And I don’t see any other choice but to the same if he’s going to continue his brand of truth. I don’t want to walk away from my dad. I don’t want to be hurt by his “truth” anymore, either.

    I don’t want to skip your comments, but they feel too much right now – like pouring salt on an open wound – even if they’re not directed at me – they still feel like deja vu.

    I don’t want to see another person subject themselves to that in the guise of not lying, or being real – or however it’s dressed up.



  434.  #434Daria on January 13, 2012 at 2:05 am

    Haha well people are annoyed ‘having to’ skip posts

    My posts I’m assuming and they ‘have to’ cuz they don’t like me and my words and truth.

    And that feels way too heartbreaking to allow myself to feel now so I’m doing my behavior of laughing at people making fun of me

    And making fun of them back and acting like I don’t care

    But the truth is I do care and I feel all tense and sweaty handed.

    I usually numb out and feel the horrible feelings later

    Sigh.

    I love me so much.

    I could tell them suchk it but shrug

    It’s not even about them.

    They’re going through their own patterns of middle schools cliquish judging and stuff.

    Ok for an instant I had it the perspective I wanted
    .

    Yeah so parts of me are dedicated to alienating me and making me feel like a burden and ‘bad’ for speaking my truth.

    Those ate the parts that say no, don’t say that, and that’s gona hurt people

    Wow I felt a rush like maybe anger

    Hmm

    Ok I want to love these parts of me but I feel scared.

    They act all uppity and authoritarian one of them

    And the other one acts all selfless altruistic Do what’s rightish.

    Lol wow it feels funnyto speak my truth this way. Sooo liberating wow! Heee!

    I Never get to be this truthful and judgemental out loud in real life.

    Ok so these parts of me I want to love them

    I feel distant and scared…,

    Stranger exercise coming up…

    There we go! I get to be all dophistique elegant and authoritative now.

    Now the other one….

    Omg I sooo judge her she’s the one all in everyone’s business trauma hold my brothers together.. Even my parents tho that feels too scary to go there.

    She’s working hard and is do dedicated and sweet mmmmmffgv

    At first she kept away but when I asked for a hug she threw herself in my arms and sobbed



  435.  #435Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 2:05 am

    Lolita I hope you wake up feeling a little better. Honor your feelings and allow yourself to feel your way through to the other side. It can only get better.



  436.  #436Daria on January 13, 2012 at 2:06 am

    Mmmm she lives me do much like a selfless not self loving codependent lil girl! And it felt good to feel adored like that!

    Awww sweet me.



  437.  #437Sweetpea on January 13, 2012 at 2:11 am

    FW,

    I feel hopeless, helpless and sad.

    One of my dad’s favorite sayings, ironically, is: “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. And you can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can’t make him think.”

    I feel like crying.



  438.  #438Sweetpea on January 13, 2012 at 2:18 am

    426 sounds like my dad, verbatim. Someone’s been reading “Sweetpea’s Dad’s Manual on How to Create for Yourself a Lifetime of Alienation, Heartache and Pain,” and they seem to think it’s a good plan.

    I feel heartbroken, but I’ve done my part. I wash my hands of trying to warn someone who won’t listen.

    At least I cried out the warning.”



  439.  #439Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 2:19 am

    I know what you mean Sweetpea. Now that I think about it, it is the main reason why I tend not to post my date experiences. I realize that I hate it when a “coach” puts my situation into their “own” and compares how better they are than me. I feel better with a sister Siren giving feedback as an unattached outsider because being close to the situation it is not always clear. Every time I see this kind of thing it makes me question maturity and whether I would really allow a “coach” into my reality. The thought of that “coach” cringeing ……. hhhmmmmm. I guess it is one of the reasons why people tend to think twice about going into therapy. Oh the safety of defenses and invisibility. It is no wonder that the community consists of many lurkers who only posts once in a while.



  440.  #440Daria on January 13, 2012 at 2:20 am

    Look stubborn ass want to twist things and resist like crazy part. It’s ok you are safe.

    I feel really mad though!

    I don’t want to resist.

    I want to feel open and I don’t want to feel heartbroken and twisted and misunderstood

    Ingush I do this twist thing So much.

    I feel Soo hot tingly in my chest.

    And I feel hungry

    And still just tense and tingly in my hands and feet…
    I just want to slam and slap and punish.

    Look stupid ass this is to Help you!!! Maybe if you took action on some things you wouldnt be twisting shit and actually receiving some benefits and getting how this works. Though obviously you think we are not good enough to be trusted.

    Ok I just called my part a stupidass

    I feel so angry at her and frustrated!

    She’s holding me back!

    Hmm.

    Just feeling sad and misunderstood.

    When part does this I feel like I’m not being got at all… And it feels sad! A f then I feel mad

    Rrminds me of my parents trying to shame me and twist stuff.

    I don’t want this part of me!

    Sigh

    Mmmm stranger exercise felt good… She transformed and I felt all protected



  441.  #441Sweetpea on January 13, 2012 at 2:38 am

    FW,

    I feel understanding of not posting dating experiences here. Mostly, I feel compassion, yet it does feel bad of other newer Sirens saying they feel unsafe to post – if they ever do.

    I’ve been posting more of my experience even though it goes “against the grain” – in the interest of being authentic, coming out of hiding and encouraging others that these tools really do work. I want to encourage and inspire others and I fully support Sirens in using the tools in a manner that feels comfortable for them. Because for me, the anxiety of not using them “right” was excruciating until I realized that there is no “wrong” way to use them. For me, I had to keep my eye on being authentic and baby step the rest of them – using them a little until I felt comfortable with them until they felt more natural – rather than jumping in “whole hog” when it didn’t feel authentic at all.

    I believe that’s what Rori encourages, but it took me a loooong time to realize it. In fact, I have a sticky note taped to my wall from when I first found Rori.

    It says, “don’t do the speech first. Baby step your way into it by practicing feeling messages about small, pleasant, good feeling things that are true in a short, easy, lovely, soft way. Stay away from anything serious until you get the hang of this.”

    I’m going to get some sleep now. It feels good chatting with you – I was feeling afraid that I’d alienated you.



  442.  #442Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 2:44 am

    Oh no Sweetpea. I have never seen your voice calling people names or hiding behind pretentious perfection. I might not always relate to what you write but I do read them.



  443.  #443Daria on January 13, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Party e myself!!!! Ohhh wow she likes this?

    Makes me feel like not a loser for when I do thus yay I’m partying

    Lk talked about that and painting ourselves w masks I think



  444.  #444Daria on January 13, 2012 at 2:50 am

    I just caught the first line of one of my posts w my judgments and I felt all sad and like noooooo wars done is done and kinda scared sad small hopeless

    I love me!

    Also I’m noticing my freeing my judgments seems to be attracting more judgment to me.

    So I wonder of just going to straight feeling message translations now after each post will feel good.

    I can even keep original Then translate till I feel satisfied I’m expressing myself fully



  445.  #445Daria on January 13, 2012 at 2:54 am

    Femiminewoman – my trade offs have been about dating men I judged as less cool in status… Like quiet former nerd in my group…
    And guyfriend cd who is not into being tough and is actually got a mental issue thing and looks like a homeless bum I would’ve So not thought about liking him I mean his own cousins are like : ‘gross’ about him

    I’ve dated men who seemed feminine in mannerisms and way out my type

    Etc



  446.  #446Daria on January 13, 2012 at 2:56 am

    Oh and my attraction to them grew just like Rori says. When I feel taken care of like when guyfriend gets me food I feel all smily and warm and feel my heart warm and I feel more loving towards him.

    I’m actually considering him a cd now from ‘bum’ status before



  447.  #447Daria on January 13, 2012 at 2:57 am

    I also didn’t chase some sexy ones like I would have before – so I could have good treatment instead



  448.  #448Daria on January 13, 2012 at 3:04 am

    Donc, je me sens bien avec ce plan

    Grammar less impt than feel .

    Ong I’m so obnoxious.

    And I love me.

    It’s not true no matter how true it seems



  449.  #449Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 3:22 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: #415 – Thanks! Yeah, I’m slowing down my chatter.



  450.  #450Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 3:25 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: #406 – I feel frustrated using an android, too. But it was my only internet access for two months, so I got used to it. It sure makes me appreciate my computer now, that’s for sure!

    I just got internet but it’s messed up and the technician is coming this afternoon.

    Happy Friday the 13th everyone!



  451.  #451Lolita on January 13, 2012 at 3:29 am

    When I think ‘I hope he will come back’ I swear I hear Rori’s voice saying ‘And he will’.



  452.  #452Lolita on January 13, 2012 at 3:30 am

    Not like I ever hear voices or anything 😛 … Just when I think it, I remember her say ‘And he will’ just like in her programs.



  453.  #453Daria on January 13, 2012 at 3:31 am

    Brenda – gosh that feels uncomfortable… i hear that you feel defensive

    i don’t want to take responsibility for that…

    and i don’t want to stop sharing the truth of how i feel about what i see…

    it feels scary to read about ‘not going there’

    (actually this is my trigger it reminds me of an alcoholic saying don’t tell me it feels bad to see me drink – i feel mad, but i dont want to tell anyone what to do AND i don’t want to hide my feelings either

    AND it triggers me to remember my mom “doing her duty” to tell me that im not donig stuff ‘right” and i HATE that and dont want to do that to others)



  454.  #454Daria on January 13, 2012 at 3:35 am

    omogsh i feel all uncomfortable being attacked by voices

    i feel like i put myself on a floating raft and sailed away from everyone

    i feel so lost

    the NV’s so have me

    i feel sad and scared

    i MEGA triggered mysefl writing this openly

    smh

    feeling sad

    i wish i was loved being truthful

    i wish my truth was not hurting people – its NOT – this is a lie!

    i wnat to heal this

    its normal for NVS to go wild when i do something that i havent done before

    especially wehn it doesnt feel safe and i get ‘NVS that people won’t/dont like ti

    i am healing

    i feel unworthy and compelled to self punish self shame and self put down and minimalize

    so that to blunt the blow of everyone else getting ready to do that

    so much love to me



  455.  #455Daria on January 13, 2012 at 3:47 am

    and you know what it feels unfair cuz ‘everyone else’ gets to say whatever they want to and about me and i still love them!

    but when i say my truth everyone jumps to shame me!

    i feel judgemetnal of myself for having this ‘weakness/ ie’ vibe that attracts attacks!

    THIS IS A THOUGHT PATTERN]]

    i can heal this

    this will heal

    waving magic wand

    making me More accepted and loved and free and safe! on blog and in real life

    men won’t like it when i date others but they’ll like me more

    whew

    i guess i DId make everyone feel safe… safe to show their attacks

    and they will still be loved

    and that is good 🙂

    and i want to do this all Gently

    i am really sorry to the ‘victims’ of my judgements tonite

    ok saying that now i think of them in turn – SLV – i feel scared of SLV and unsure. one second it feels safe and loving, another second it doesnt and it reminds me of my mom

    (and that means it has nothing to do with her)

    but wait i didnt say it does

    ok

    and Starla – i feel scared of Starla too, like i want her to be my friend and like – i would feel all sad and lonely and numb if she didnt interact lovingly with me anymore – and this reminds me of my old best friend (meaning its not about HEr)
    AND

    i feel scared to tell her the truth of what i feel soemitmes

    lk – and i love lk and feel so inspired by her i feel so guilty thinking of having said soemthing that triggers her to feel bad… so guilty and judgmeetnal fo me like i am ungraeatful

    and sacered she wont want to interact lovingly with me anymore either

    but overall pretty safe tho – i didnt feel attachked from her

    and sweetpea and FW

    ok i feel intrigued by FW’s posts now that they don’t feel so … i dont feel so judgemetnal and disconnected and resistant reading her posts the past few months….

    and i feel judgmental reading her posts toward me now and kinda pist like hey!!! i didnt attachk or even use youre posts to process and you seem to have turned on me again (like when i felt defensive and less thatn for being criticized for telling jasmine i felt angry and her deciding to not post)

    and Sweetpea – ok i feel mad and distnat from sweetpea i felt like betrayed and i feel dismissive and distant and judgmental

    sighh…

    i feel sad that i dont have a better way to expres that brings people closer

    babysteps

    sigh

    i feel so disappointed

    i wish i didnt feel stonewally and judgemetnal like i seem to feel so often

    i love my feelings

    and i feel burdened and unworthy

    if i was “nice” i wouldnt feel like this and i wouldnt be worrying right nwo about who likes me or who will like me

    or will i be completely alone compeltely ignored now

    and that does kidna mirror my fears in life hmm

    i love me

    i want to be gentle with me

    i feel all sad and urgent

    love me



  456.  #456Daria on January 13, 2012 at 3:50 am

    i feel kinda tense

    kinda sad

    hey

    this is my chance to feel this sadness!



  457.  #457Daria on January 13, 2012 at 3:51 am

    now i feel happy! 🙂



  458.  #458Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 3:51 am

    River Girl,

    RE: #382 – Thank you



  459.  #459Daria on January 13, 2012 at 3:52 am

    and horrified thinking “what have i done!!!???”

    and amused

    now

    i can ask goddess glittery energy what to say

    she says to say

    love is all there is

    she loves my judgment and its healing

    she loves you all and knows you’re healing too

    and thanks you all for being here and supporting healing for us!



  460.  #460Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 3:53 am

    Daria,

    RE: #451 – Are you referring to my post to Starla?



  461.  #461Silver Moonbeam on January 13, 2012 at 3:53 am

    SLV

    To continue on with the fairy lights theme. 😀

    When I said twinkly I didn’t mean flashing on and off, oooohhhh no that does my head in, I like them either on all the time, or that one where they fade in and out ever so softly and slowly. 🙂

    Another think I have been looking at is lead crystal on Amazon, I have a really trendy modern black light fitting in my new living room but it looks a little stark so I was thinking of getting some crystal prisms that have a little hole in the top and you get these small special rings and attach to whatever you want. Apparently if you get lead crystal they catch the light and make rainbows all over the room. 😀

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Crystals-Chandelier-Ceiling-Christmas-Wedding/dp/B004EBH0FY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326455572&sr=8-1



  462.  #462Daria on January 13, 2012 at 3:56 am

    ok so my panicked guy that said im scandalous for nto picking up my phone (and i Ddint call him back)

    now sent me a message that says “youre bootsy but its cool”

    bootsie means like “you suck”

    well….

    i eman i felt excited to ehar from him but i dont want to be attachked like this (even if its a misunderstandign that is easily cleared )

    no matter waht

    i mean

    i dont liek it when ugys do that

    if yorue gonna write me, be nice

    i dont want to answer attachking messages



  463.  #463Silver Moonbeam on January 13, 2012 at 3:58 am

    #219 Lolita

    I am way behind on the blog but HUGE {{{{{ HUGS }}} to you dear Siren.



  464.  #464Daria on January 13, 2012 at 3:59 am

    but i miss him and wanna console him i feel all awww thinking he feels bad

    and i wonder am i holding back or leaning back ?

    mm

    its ok

    when in doubt, i can lean back

    and the guy, he will prusue

    with something nice

    maybe in the future

    ife he freaks like this , well do i want that in my relationship?
    no

    ok love to me

    but but but

    if eel SAD!!! 🙁

    love to me

    i get an opportunity to feel sad!!

    yay1!!!!

    and heal!

    🙂



  465.  #465Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 4:05 am

    Daria,

    Well, assuming you mean my post to Starla, here’s the thing…

    I think about Byron Katie’s “Work”, and I think it can go both ways! Can you be sure my relationship with Ryan is imaginary? How can you?

    Maybe if I just lean back and lose weight, he will see me in a new light. Maybe he is just keeping me at bay by saying it is just a friendship when all the while he has a different approach to finding love. And maybe all the while he is trying to see if I love him enough to stay in his life no matter what.

    You can’t know, and I can’t know. So I feel judged. So I feel resistant. The man is complex, and not everything or everyone fits into a neat little package.



  466.  #466crystal eyes on January 13, 2012 at 4:08 am

    SirenityNo Gravatar says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    I have changed my name and am in moderation so i am repostign Kind of an irritable feeling on the blog today??

    Thank you Zara @60

    “We belong to ourselves. We feel like a lost dog without a collar when we lose ourselves. We feel the yearning to belong to someone else or to own someone else when we forget how to own ourselves.”

    This has been me. For too many years now. The lost dog wandering the streets sadly looking for my owner, checking all the doorways and alleys and sniffing the hands of all the men passing by..
    Is this one my owner? Do I belong to that one?

    Oh Dear..if no one collects me from the pound soon , what then? Nasty Voices whispering insistently…

    I have been working on trying to build my completeness and ownership of myself and my feeling of belonging to me.

    My children are moving on into their own lives just like yours Zara..and I am facing the reality that I feel exhausted by all the looking and searching and yearning. And really its time for me to stop.

    For me this means scaling back my dating (it feels so draining and I feel defeated) and just going to yoga and belly dance and walking MY doggie more and working really hard for this year at least, with some special amazing treat days still to be thought up and planned in my calendar.

    This feels sad . I suck at Sirenity ! Hmm ..that will be my new name (crystal eyes)

    But this tail thumping, broad grinning, excitable and entirely lovable doggie has to now stop hopefully sniffing at passing potential owners and just focus on being happy alone. It feels too exhausting and disappointing to keep doing whats not working and still getting the same results.

    (recent dates poofing , or worse still , not coming on to me ,…not touching me after 4 dates ..yikk feels bad..then saying he didnt get the right vibe from me ..huh? I leaned back , I did NOT chase him, I waited for him to come to me…he backed off..apparently I wasnt appearing “into him” enough.And he wasnt the only one, the last one met me weekly for months and didnt kiss me, then vamoosed without warning. Then there was the 10 years older than stated man, and the poofing dancer and narcissist man..)

    This has been going on for years. I claim responsibility entirely for attracting fem energy men and damaged men, and poofers. I am just not giving out the right vibe .

    Back to the drawing boar



  467.  #467Lolita on January 13, 2012 at 4:09 am

    I am not comfortable with the name Lolita anymore. I feel like using part of my Siren Statement name. How can I change it so everyone knows?



  468.  #468Lolita on January 13, 2012 at 4:10 am

    Silver Moonbeam, thank you.



  469.  #469Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 4:12 am

    Lolita,

    Post with a new name. It will go into moderation, and when Rori checks on it, she will pass it thru and then you can use your new name.



  470.  #470crystal eyes on January 13, 2012 at 4:13 am

    Hi Brenda,

    I admire your energy.

    I dont know if its imaginary , but you and Ryan are practicing off/with each other in relating. As long as you see it as practice and vibe raising, its all good.



  471.  #471Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 4:13 am

    Crystal Eyes,

    I really identify with the lost dog analogy.

    This lost dog is going to go cuddle with her dogs.



  472.  #472Lolita on January 13, 2012 at 4:14 am

    Does anyone here have a success story from using the tools and which ones? I have Modern Siren and Reconnect and of course the ebook. Just wondering.

    Daria, I have to admit I read part of your posts but not all. They are long and don’t feel supportive. You seem to be switching from feeling happiness to pain or frustration so quickly. Please don’t be mad at me for this or lash out, but, have you tried to solve this? I feel this changing vibe may be what is not working for you. A little like when M said there are 2 of me, one he loves and one he doesn’t like. Just a thought.



  473.  #473crystal eyes on January 13, 2012 at 4:16 am

    Brenda , I have decided to be a very regal dalmatian.
    She will be glamorous , stately , magnetically attractive and unarguably gorgeous!!!!!



  474.  #474Siren Angel on January 13, 2012 at 4:17 am

    It’s me. I have changed to my Siren Statement name.



  475.  #475Aurora Girl on January 13, 2012 at 4:18 am

    Good morning Chickies!

    15 cm of snow here (6 inches) and counting….everything is white and fluffy and sparkling in the light this morning…..a narnia morning! And it`s Friday the 13th for anyone who notices these things..

    On this day 22 years ago I got married to a man with whom I had 3 beautiful children. In October 10 years later he moved out (thankfully) and 3 years after that we were officially divorced. I have been divorced now for 6 years but I look at it as a chance to grow and get out of toxic energy!

    On this day I can sit back and look at what I chose 22 years ago and though it didn`t end up to be my happy ever after I traded it in for something better….my freedom and my integrity at not staying with an abusive man…….my children are healthy and we are happier for it. He is in their lives but they are older and manage his behaviour well. I hope he can grow and bring out the better of himself to know how lucky he is to be their dad.

    And LD and I continue to grow and learn about life and love in the second half of life……..it`s really quite a ride and I`m loving it today.

    Sirens where ever you are and whatever is on your plate today I feel love and want to share those good vibes ** *** *** with you …….

    there are good things waiting for us…..

    xo
    Aurora



  476.  #476Aurora Girl on January 13, 2012 at 4:21 am

    Lolita

    The original book Having the Relationship you want….and Rori`s Targeting Mr. Right were pivotal for me……not long after I listened to TMR my current love showed up….

    did I have to give anything up…trade anything off….yes….I had to be more open minded…..willing to do some traveling and willing to be picky and communicative about what I wanted…and not attach to the outcome….

    but…..the outcome has been and continues to be amazing….

    🙂



  477.  #477tenny on January 13, 2012 at 4:28 am

    ((((((Lolita))))))

    Big hug for you sister siren. I know you are going through a lot of feelings right now. I was there before. I can’t even remember the pain now. That is when I got Commitment Blueprint. It really, really really helped me. I felt better about the break up because I could see me more clearly and it made sense that his “turnaround” would not end up in my confusion. When your heart is ready, it’s a great program and it will help. Love to you,

    tenny



  478.  #478tenny on January 13, 2012 at 4:38 am

    CD song said he was married before and he talked about what didn’t work in his marriage and how it was personal growth & life lesson. His words his words his words, they are so real.

    I feel bad to not be in contact with CD assertive for these days. We have both been busy, I miss him a bit.



  479.  #479tenny on January 13, 2012 at 4:48 am

    TRIGGERING ON THE BLOG

    My Two Cents:

    I try to read everyone’s posts. I feel triggered by many many things I read. I’m not that experienced a siren, so I generally respond when I feel I can help for provide some positiveness. Many sirens use this blog to vent and to express and I respect that. I use the blog to journal my feelings as I’m going through them, and I go back and read them. It feels good also to be here with each of you because we have shared experiences and goals.

    Each one of you have helped me with questions I’ve had and you are so kind and sweet. We help each other a lot. Please everyone, let’s not let go of that.

    I don’t engage with everyone or all of the different posts going back and forth, and sometimes I just post personally not wanting a response, BUT I thank you all for giving me my freedom and individuality to do that.

    Let’s allow each other to post what we feel. We can be triggered, even if someone is calling you out, but let’s not forget to focus on the sirens who need help or advice . . . let’s not let their posts go unanswered because we are riffing, etc.

    This blog means so much to me because you’ve all responded at some point to me in my pain. PLEASE DON’T STOP HELPING SIRENS IN PAIN – everything else aside, that is something important.

    tenny



  480.  #480tenny on January 13, 2012 at 4:57 am

    I’ve been ignoring CD Poet. He only messages me on the dating web site even though we have each other’s emails. I respond to his emails, but since my trip I haven’t been on the site so much and so he has gone ignored. I respond once every few days now. Oh well, he did not step up and there are other CDs. CD Tennis has dropped off too. Shame, I thought that would be a fun date. Think he is waiting for me to call him, but I won’t. This feels good. Thank you Rori! I am on a very tight budget now, but I Thank God for every video and the valuable information in them. Rori is an Angel.



  481.  #481Francesca on January 13, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Friday the 13th…hmmm, interesting.

    I wonder what good things will happen to me today.



  482.  #482Lizka on January 13, 2012 at 5:17 am

    Lolita!!! How are you? Did you get some sleep? I saw this morning that you were still posting at 3 am. Feeling sad for you.

    Also I wanted to say Im sorry yesterday I couldn’t come downstairs with you, I know you probably needed to chat but I got a warning that I go out too much, lol.

    Sooo this mornig are you gonna be there early? You wabt me to wait for you?

    Hehe sorry sirens to spam the blog with my personal messages and GOOD MORNING! it’s white everywhere here and it’s so pretty and…. I HAVE A DATE WITH LAUGHINGCD! Ha!



  483.  #483Lizka on January 13, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Hehe feeling WAY too excited this morning! And it’s friday! Wouhou!!!



  484.  #484April Rose on January 13, 2012 at 5:26 am

    @ Zara 60

    You have done it again. Touched me at my core.

    Who are you, lady? I’m wondering. You feel timeless, wise, fearless, mysterious. I feel in awe of you. But also at ease with you and anything you might say.

    Yesterday, as I was reading your original posting, I could feel the sensation of the physical ripping away of a loved one. The wound of being seperated from God. In the intensity of the pain I wrote “why do they have to take themself away?”

    My grandad died at that very hour. Since he “took himself away” I have experienced a deep serenity, and a letting go. I have experienced his presence with me – his true spirit self, golden, huge and warm, unhindered by earthly personality and stories.

    He and my grandma recently celebrated 72 years of marriage.

    I love him so much. I feel his spirit around me as he makes his way on the Great Journey.
    But my body cries for him, for the loss of the him that I can touch, hug, laugh and sing with.



  485.  #485April Rose on January 13, 2012 at 5:27 am

    Zara,

    You wrote a lot about belonging. I see that word as
    BE LONGING. Yes, I am longing for deep heart connection, and yes I hear you when you say it starts with myself and my own value.

    I am going to re-read what you wrote me. There are so many layers in your posting, which touched me in different ways. Yes, I am the woman with the married lover. Yes, it is feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

    Thank you for your generosity.

    I have just one question at the moment. Twice you used the phrase “buy yourself”.
    Can you say more about that, please?



  486.  #486Turquoise on January 13, 2012 at 5:27 am

    Ugh…… hate starting my day with all the NOISE!!!!!

    WTF, you can dish it, but you can’t take it.

    I feel frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Off to shower and then work, it’s frigid cold here today…. will feel good to be inside the office with the wood burner going. Will try to relax my tenseness and enjoy my Friday.

    I’ll check back in later today to do some healing and supportive chatting.



  487.  #487Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Lolita I have success with several in Reconnect, the Leanback Row Boat, the Fern energy tool and the Be Present to name a few. Just send forgiveness and compassion to yourself as is demonstrated in disc 4. I encourage you that now that you are going through this situation to keep listening to the cds over and over again. It is a process but something does eventually click.



  488.  #488Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Turquoise I just love your frankness.



  489.  #489Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Wow Aurora Girl that is a lot of snow. Thanks for sharing the good vibes and your nostalgia about your life. It feels good on my end.



  490.  #490Memulo on January 13, 2012 at 5:50 am

    (((((Lolita))))

    I felt bad reading ‘He said he loves most of me but does not like the me during our vacation with the kids, the tension, the stress we had.’

    I feel that you were being judged and not appreciated. I feel that the fact that you take such a good care of his three (!) small kids, that you really put your heart into it should be a reason to praise you endlessly. Regardless of what happened on your vacation. One vacation should not have more value than a whole year of you loving his kids. How about you getting upset that YOUR son followed an example you did not want him to follow because your man did not make an effort with his kids? How could he do this to you? Is he the right man for you?

    Well, I am not too serious above , just turning the situation upside down so that you could see the full picture and stop blaming yourself. Also perhaps to ask yourself why is it acceptable for him to criticize you or start having doubts about you and for you just to defend and blame yourself. Who is he? And are you sure about your own value?

    Also, please forgive me for saying this, I am going to use a harsh argument now. Yes, your guy went to his cave, started playing with dating sites, perhaps having mixed thoughts about your relationship, but he only told you so when you contacted him. I would not trigger this again! I would not approach him to get my stuff from his place or try to see him. I believe you can survive for the time being without your stuff? Unless it’s legal docs or medication that you can’t get anywhere else?

    I would leave this completely, even if it’s hard. I would focus on coming back to my old self and feeling curious about flirting with other men.



  491.  #491Francesca on January 13, 2012 at 5:50 am

    Enjoy your day/afternoon/evening, sirens.

    I’ll catch up with you all later.



  492.  #492Memulo on January 13, 2012 at 5:56 am

    FW,

    May I ask if you and your recent date were lovers in the past?

    Also, you sound so feminine and romantic with him and I feel that the guy brings out the best qualities in you. Do you feel this way?



  493.  #493Turquoise on January 13, 2012 at 6:02 am

    Thanks FW. I just got my period… 4 days early, I’m in a mood today! lol….ugh.

    Thinking about this reminded me of a college roommate. She was an only child, and her demeanor was always, WHAT ABOUT ME???????? No matter what was going on with someone else, she could be supportive to a sense, but ultimately came back to her. And, she didn’t have big problems. Her parents paid for everything, college, rent, gas, even her makeup! She is to this day, unforgiving, self centered and high maintenance. We stopped being friends years ago, and I don’t miss her.

    Makes me sick to hear all this crap over and over again here.

    You were frank too!!! And I wanted to say, “way to go girl!” but thought that might be a little out of line.

    SOmeone not understanding why her comments would upset others enough to stand up for them…. doesn’t understand friendship. In my opinion.



  494.  #494Memulo on January 13, 2012 at 6:03 am

    Also Lolita, I admire you so much for handling amazingly your end of the conversation. I know I wouldn’t be able to. I would be just silent and feel killed inside. I wouldn’t find the words and be calm, make sense and be in touch with my feelings.



  495.  #495lk on January 13, 2012 at 6:07 am

    @Brenda 346

    I’m sorry. I really don’t want to feel defensive either, & I’m sorry my comments made you feel defensive.

    i feel confused a lot reading about R because it sounds so different from what i want. but i want you to feel free to express all your feelings on this blog.

    love you : )



  496.  #496Iamabutterfly on January 13, 2012 at 6:11 am

    I feel really good today. I felt really vulnerable and like a baby last night after my day, I felt overwhelmed by my to do list, and I just wanted to wind down and slow down and feel better.

    I called my best friend, and we talked forever. I vented and ranted to her about all my craziness and it felt sooo good. I love that she accepts me for who I am and loves me for it! Best friends feel like big hugs for your heart! If you don’t have a best girlfriend right now…here’s a hug from me to you ((((((HUG)))))). I LOVE HUGGING!

    I feel silly for writing that…Silly and good and giggly!



  497.  #497T-Girl on January 13, 2012 at 6:12 am

    354 FW

    I am so behind on the blog but I wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your post about your date. As I was reading it I realized that it was probably one of the first ones I remember reading about one of your dates? But anyway, it sounded like your date was really dreamy with you opening up to him and melting and that he responded very well to your femininity.



  498.  #498T-Girl on January 13, 2012 at 6:16 am

    470 Lolita – yes there are many success stories here. Personally for me the tools that I find the most successful are feeling messages, leaning back, talking in non-blaming messages and looking back to myself to see why something bothers me.

    Oh, and today is Friday the 13th, my 8 month anniversary with J. Our first date was on Friday the 13th as well. He already informed me that we are going out to a nice restaurant tonight. 🙂



  499.  #499Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 6:16 am

    Memulo yes. He told me last night that I have not contacted him in 2 years. He said something last night to which I responded I can’t imagine what you say to yourself in your head. Sometimes he is very harsh but I kept standing up for my feelings last night. I believe it is Rori’s tools that have brought out some good qualities. I have committed to relating from my higher self so I can be my own witness. I am not sure how to explain it but before where I used to react to everything people say, now I can kind of stand aside in a sense (maybe my spirit) and view both myself and the other. Lolita mentioned hearing Rori’s voice, I believe I can hear her in my head too, especially about the leanback and relax. I was able to turn my attention away at times last night. This is really a take it or leave kind of situation for me with him, there are other men waiting in the wings.



  500.  #500Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 6:21 am

    T-Girl thanks, though I prefer not to share about dates.



  501.  #501T-Girl on January 13, 2012 at 6:22 am

    Lolita – I just wanted to add that I’m so sorry about what you are going through right now. I know it is very hard but once you start taking care of yourself it will get so much easier.

    I don’t recall if you said you had any of the programs but the ones that I felt helped me so much are the e-book and Modern Siren.



  502.  #502Senior Lady Vibe on January 13, 2012 at 6:26 am

    @472: Aurora Girl says:
    “…On this day 22 years ago I got married to a man with whom I had 3 beautiful children…”

    Congratulations to you on your anniversary in the knowledge that you can love. When my “wedding anniversary” came last March I renewed my vows… to love and to myself… I wrote vows and had a little ceremony.



  503.  #503Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Turquoise that is the reason why I refer to maturity. Michael Jackson’s lyrics “I talking about the man in the mirror” keeps playing in my mind. I guess we tend not to see ourselves.



  504.  #504Aurora Girl on January 13, 2012 at 6:28 am

    FW

    great….and I am also happy that you had such a great date the other night………….wishing more of those good vibes and good experiences to you!!!

    xo



  505.  #505Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 6:28 am

    Happy anniversary T-Girl. Enjoy.



  506.  #506Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Thanks Aurora. I just don’t write about them I reflect them through what I learn from other people’s experiences and Rori’s writing. I truly don’t believe that I am struggling so much and sometimes want to allow others to feel supported rather that seeking support. I know I am worthy but I am committed to using the tools and I believe that is what makes a difference for me.



  507.  #507Starla on January 13, 2012 at 6:33 am

    daria
    DARIA READ THIS
    BECAUSE I HAVE A BOUNDARY AND YOU DIDN’T READ IT SO READ IT THIS TIME

    stop using me to process your triggers and your judgments. i don’t want to see my names in your posts anymore if your not going to bother reading my replies. it feels violent and i don’t want to see it any more. also please don’t vaguely refer to me in processing your triggers. i want you to be able to process your triggers, but the way you’re doing it to me makes me feel used and bad and i do not approve of this use of the name Starla, so please stop.

    if this triggers you, email me directly or write it out on paper or something. there is no reason you have to do this here. leave me alone. the dynamic of saying all that stuff about me and then refusing to interact with me once you’ve left me triggered (and i didn’t even say anything bad, seriously, and i asserted a boundary that you didn’t even bother to read..i feel super irritated) is effed up and i’m not okay with it

    leave me alone here when it comes to your triggers. i don’t like the way you call me out specifically and then won’t even interact with my replies. eff that, leave me alone. i’m 1000000% serious.



  508.  #508Iamabutterfly on January 13, 2012 at 6:33 am

    @Daria – I’m new in the comments, but I’ve been reading for a while, and I have to say, I find your comments fascinating…and brave. We’ve been talking a little bit about pushing people away through various means in this blog. I do it. I push them away by releasing negative energy, or by shutting my feelings down, or by physically running away. I feel like maybe you might be subconsciously trying to push people on this blog away from you, to prove to yourself that even if you behave in a certain way, maybe a way that YOU don’t like as much, people wills still love and accept you.

    I love and accept you.

    How do you feel about that possibility?



  509.  #509lk on January 13, 2012 at 6:34 am

    i feel scared that i wrote about orgxsms…. like the magic will be broken. i felt scared monday night when i couldn’t & I Knew I Wouldn’t Be Able To … & i’m wondering if that’s the echo of an old belief ? or if it had to do with me bleeding ? i don’t know much about this. i feel like a baby & i feel terror of losing this Power i have now whatever that means… baby says, you’ll always be able to do it yourself ? & they all chime together, that’s not the same thing. & now i’m wondering, does everyone get this ? is this part of our human due ? no. just like some people have no eyesight. i feel like sobbing. this world is scary sometimes. no, lk. it’s not that bad. you never had & you were happy & it’s ok if you never do again. that’s all ok ! you’re ok. humans are ok. sickness, everyone. everyone hurt & sad & tired & suffering with desire. mmm but yes contentment is right there in that moment : ) whoosh much better : ) yayyyy lk ! we did it we dug out & now we’re just standing protected in the lip of the cave, waves & the echoes of waves falling over each other & amplifying each other, watching the sea breeze move the sky away to reveal the openness



  510.  #510Senior Lady Vibe on January 13, 2012 at 6:36 am

    @484: Femininewoman

    On the children/eating thing… One grandchild when she was a toddler went through a grapes phase, sometimes that’s all she would eat for a day at a time… So that’s what we gave her,,, I was in the kitchen cutting the grapes in half for her. LOL

    When she’d had enough ( i guess) she’d eat other foods.
    😉

    Gotta love’em…



  511.  #511Rita on January 13, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Hi,
    I moved in with my boyfriend of 8 months, 4 months ago. I check his cell phone daily to see who he is calling or who is calling him; I check his txt messages daily and find messages fom other women, for instance, yesterday I found a txt from a woman, he txt her back: what’s up?, she txt him back, Just here thinking about you, I deleted all txts. When I ask him why he txtx women and why they txt him, he says it is all in my head. He is in an AA program and he goes to a meeting once/wk, he was txting a woman from there; then he was txtng somebody he said he knew some 10 years back, but now she is constantly saying stuff on Facebook which I can’t access, but I see the email that she has said something.

    I really like him, but I need him to stop txtng these women; I also will very much like to stop checking his cell phone but I can’t, please help.

    Thanks.



  512.  #512Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 6:37 am

    I know what you are saying SLV and I can agree.



  513.  #513Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 6:39 am

    Sharing an email:-

    Researchers have found that about forty percent of the things we worry about never happen. Thirty percent are in the past and can’t be helped. Twelve percent involve the affairs of others that are not even our business. Ten percent relate to sickness, real or imagined. That means only eight percent of the things we worry about are even likely to happen! Scientists at Yale University have actually identified a ‘worry gene’. But they say that while you may have inherited it, you can overcome it. Somebody has said that ‘worry is just interest paid on trouble before it comes due.’ And in most cases it never comes due. Think; when you worry, there’s a ninety-two percent chance you’re paying interest on a debt that’s not even yours! How foolish is that? Take the fear of flying, for example. You would have to fly every day for nineteen thousand years before the probability of being in a plane crash approaches 100%. Yet it is one of the six most feared causes of death



  514.  #514Senior Lady Vibe on January 13, 2012 at 6:42 am

    @Silver Moonbeam

    The fading in and out lights sound interesting, I don’t think I’ve seen that but I would like it!

    I like chandeliers. I checked the crystals, nice. I only put jewelry on the tree and not as many as I planned because the little metal ornament holders I bought were dreadful and then I got too busy to go look for another kind. So next year…more sparklies!



  515.  #515Senior Lady Vibe on January 13, 2012 at 6:52 am

    @Silver Moonbeam

    I get encouragement from the Lana Indiana videos. A lot of fun. I love that Cinderella/Barbie vibe.

    She reminds me of you too. Love her!

    http://www.youtube.com/user/lanaindiana



  516.  #516lk on January 13, 2012 at 6:52 am

    also, yes, i feel defensive of magic

    watching people not believe in magic feels like watching them sign away guaranteed lifelong happiness in exchange for a raffle ticket with tin prizes

    like in peter pan where you all have to clap to save tinker belle



  517.  #517Senior Lady Vibe on January 13, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Oh, it is Friday the Thirteenth.

    I’m going out now for (what Dollie Parton calls…) a cup of ambition. Two cups of ambition for me!



  518.  #518April Rose on January 13, 2012 at 6:56 am

    Sirens, please be soft with me,

    My dear grandad died yesterday morning.

    I’m experiencing his presence with me – his true spirit self, golden, huge and warm, even bigger than he was on Earth. He was a big man, a bear, with blonde hair even at the age of 95.

    He and my grandma recently celebrated 72 years of marriage.

    He often played the feminine role whilst my grandma bossed him about and called him ‘useless’. He always responded with a cheeky quip. She would push it until he got annoyed and then she would try and appease him by saying “I’m only playing, John”.

    The two of them would sing old-time songs together, with grandma correcting grandad’s words every few lines or so.
    I will so miss the sound of their voices singing, bickering, laughing and reminiscing together.

    Grandad, off you go on your next adventures…
    I love you.



  519.  #519Mel on January 13, 2012 at 6:57 am

    FW,

    I feel so excited reading about your date. You were so in-tune with your feelings and expressed them beautifully! I wish you would share more of your personal experiences!



  520.  #520lilybelly on January 13, 2012 at 6:58 am

    (((April Rose)))

    Beautiful travels to your GrandDad…



  521.  #521Starla on January 13, 2012 at 7:00 am

    aww april rose, your grandpa really sounds like a great grandpa, sorry for your loss and thank you for telling us about him
    <3



  522.  #522Senior Lady Vibe on January 13, 2012 at 7:05 am

    If people don’t have any really bad problems, they can always invent some…



  523.  #523Aurora Girl on January 13, 2012 at 7:05 am

    514 April Rose

    ….may you find new ways to connect with him….xo



  524.  #524Rose on January 13, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Hugs April Rose, feeling compassion and teary reading about your grandpa..Bless his soul…



  525.  #525tenny on January 13, 2012 at 7:07 am

    ((((((April Rose))))))))

    Embrace him in your heart. Blessings, my prayers are with you and your family in your time of mourning.



  526.  #526T-Girl on January 13, 2012 at 7:07 am

    (((((April Rose))))))



  527.  #527Rose on January 13, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Femininewoman I loved reading about your date, Feeling appreciative of you sharing..
    I really feel like he saw a “new” you..and I picked up maybe he was even startled and enjoying your beautiful femininity shine through so brightly..
    Very inspiring to practice..



  528.  #528tenny on January 13, 2012 at 7:09 am

    @ IK #512

    I believe in magic. It’s all energy and love and life!!!



  529.  #529Memulo on January 13, 2012 at 7:10 am

    FW,

    Thank you for answering. I hear you when you are saying it is a take it or leave it situation (and no, it’s not the only thing I picked up from your post). I feel that you’ve walked miles to find yourself in a much safer place with him.. just because I believe I am in the middle of my journey as well, but you are way ahead of me. Now that I am thinking about it more.. why did he introduce you as his wife.. as flattering as it sounds.. even in a light cute way.. that requires a lot of commitment on your part.. did you agree to commit?

    When he said you did not contact him in 2 years – does it mean he was the one to contact during this time or you did not speak and then he came back?

    This wife comment.. players do that, even not realizing it sometimes. Is that why you are saying it is what it is?

    To tell you the truth, when I win over a player (always takes me by surprise) I can’t help but wondering – is he really that desirable and why am I not offered safety in an easier and more natural way?



  530.  #530Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 7:11 am

    (((((((((((((((April Rose)))))))))))))))))))



  531.  #531Aurora Girl on January 13, 2012 at 7:14 am

    sometimes all good things…all lovable vibes…..good people…..they are already in our lives or they are coming along…….

    and we don`t see any of it….

    because we are too busy sabotaging, self absorbing, focused on our sense that someone is `doing something to us`….projecting our pain into the world only to have it mirrored back to us…….

    and we do these things unconsciously most of the time….and then we`re surprised or hurt at what someone said or did or didn`t do……

    Imagine what it would be like to take a vacation from that.

    Imagine having a new set of eyes to see everything and I mean EVERYTHING from …..

    imagine having a heart that is soft and feels strong and safe no matter what….because it just knows you take care of it…..

    imagine having a body that is strong and healthy and just knows you will love it and take good care….

    imagine seeing the world through eyes and spirit of abundance and wellbeing….no matter what happens….interpreting it all as good and moving you closer to your deepest desires….

    imagine needing to practice that cause it`s tricky to break old patterns….but knowing you are getting it everyday…..getting better at it….some of it starting to become automatic…..

    and imagine watching others who are where you were and not judging them but having compassion for them and supporting them because you`know they`ll find their way too…

    and imagine that what everyone else does or doesn`t do is irrelevant because it`s down to you…

    only you

    what if you have all of that in the palm of your hand right now,…….

    if you want it……if you let it…..

    I am beginning to live this now because I just flat out choose too…….and you can too…….

    xo
    Aurora



  532.  #532Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 7:15 am

    Memulo I did not ask why, I just assumed he has to go through his emotional process and left it alone. He is not the only person who has done that to me but is it relevant? I don’t think so. I am on my own journey they are entitled to do and say whatever they want. Is he a player? He will have to deal with himself. About the two year, it was a bit exaggerated and I did get invitations during the time but did not respond.



  533.  #533April Rose on January 13, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Thank you thank you thank you for the hugs
    and kind words.

    I feel so soothed and safe and loved.



  534.  #534light heart on January 13, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Dear April Rose,

    I feel so peaceful having read your beautiful tribute to your grandfather.

    We can never lose our family, and he will live in your heart, as he always has, for all eternity,

    but even so, the pain and grief of physical loss is real

    a wonderful reminder to cherish and appreciate these special people in our lives every day

    hugs
    🙂
    light heart

    the heart goes on….



  535.  #535lk on January 13, 2012 at 7:26 am

    thank you, Aurora : )

    thank you, tenny : )



  536.  #536lk on January 13, 2012 at 7:27 am

    ((((((April Rose))))))



  537.  #537lk on January 13, 2012 at 7:30 am

    @light heart

    i dreamt writing & you reading, “light heart is a very spiritual person”



  538.  #538light heart on January 13, 2012 at 7:31 am

    that song from Titanic, The Heart Will Go On, always touches me deeply, even moves me to tears, even just thinking about it sometimes

    🙂
    light heart



  539.  #539lk on January 13, 2012 at 7:32 am

    i want to tie amethysts on my dolphin fetish.

    i feel like a child

    i want hugs & feel like crying



  540.  #540Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 7:34 am

    RE 527 “I just flat out choose too”

    Really inspiring post Aurora Girl. Thank you.



  541.  #541Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Crystal Eyes,

    RE: #471 – Excellent! I will have to be a German Shepherd: Loyal, courageous, strong, and beautiful! 🙂



  542.  #542Mel on January 13, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Hugs to you April Rose!

    My grandfather was (and still is) my favorite person in the whole world. He passed away when I was a teenager, and I felt devastated because we were kindred spirits.

    But… I still feel his presence in my life even today. I think of him often and find comfort in just remembering his calm and soothing demeanor.

    And when I look in the mirror, I see my grandfather’s beautiful steely blue eyes staring back at me. I love my eyes because they are HIS eyes. 🙂

    My deepest sympathies go out to you… ❤



  543.  #543Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Mel thank you. I will have to think about whether I really want to post more about dates.



  544.  #544Femininewoman on January 13, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Starla are you at work? Hope you are okay interacting with the people there and hopeful nothing got projected.



  545.  #545light heart on January 13, 2012 at 7:43 am

    lk @ 533

    was born this way 😉

    about magic…i don’t just believe in magic,
    i know that i, and everybody else ARE
    magic…

    🙂
    light heart



  546.  #546Radiance on January 13, 2012 at 7:46 am

    321 Starla

    Oh Starla! I feel so delighted to read your green bean story and to read about your passions and your man’s way of responding to you!

    I would love to see this green bean bit in a chick flick– romantic comedy…

    Ever thought of writing a screenplay?… Or maybe you and CF could just make a little youtube video piece… 😀

    okay I hope that’s not too weird.

    I know on one hand that the stories revealed here represent so much deep feeling and vulnerability and intimacy and real women sharing their lives, yet on another level there is the whole amazing unfolding of drama element that tickles the imagination. Know what I mean?



  547.  #547Mel on January 13, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I think I AM magical for sure. Mr. A thinks so too. He is always saying it… even to other people.



  548.  #548Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 7:55 am

    (((April Rose))),

    RE: #514 – Wow, 95 and 72 years of marriage! Two major accomplishments in themselves! I pray comfort and warmth for you as you mourn his loss.

    Love, Brenda



  549.  #549Radiance on January 13, 2012 at 7:59 am

    I read this a couple of years ago in an Esquire magazine that fluttered within my reach and the sentiment has stayed with me as an inspiration as a sexy way to frame my thoughts about some of the things my man does…

    A Thank-You Note to Men

    By Mary-Louise Parker

    To you, whom it may concern:

    Manly creature, who smells good even when you don’t, you wake up too slowly, with fuzzy, vertical hair and a slightly lost look on your face as though you are seven or seventy-five; you can fix my front door, my sink, and open most jars; you, who lose a cuff link and have to settle for a safety pin, you have promised to slay unfortunate interlopers and dragons with your Phillips head or Montblanc; to you, because you will notice a woman with a healthy chunk of years or pounds on her and let out a wolf whistle under your breath and mean it; because you think either rug will be fine, really it will; you seem to walk down the street a little taller than me, a little more aware but with a purpose still; to you who codifies, conjugates, slams a puck, baits a hook, builds a decent cabinet or the perfect sandwich; you who gives a twenty to the kids selling Hershey’s bars and waits at baggage claim for three hours in your flannel shirt; you, sir, you take my order, my pulse, my bullshit; you who soaps me in the shower, soaks with me in the tub; to you, boy grown-up, the gentleman, soldier, professor, or caveman, the fancy man with initials on your towels and salt on your chocolates, to you and to that guy at the concession stand; thank you for the tour of the vineyard, the fire station, the sound booth, thank you for the kaleidoscope, the Horsehead Nebula, the painting, the truth; to you who carries me across the parking lot, up the stairs, to the ER, to roll-away or rice mat; to you who shows up every so often only to confuse and torment, and you who stays in orbit, always, to my left and steady, you stood up for me, I won’t forget that; to you, the one who can’t figure it out and never will, and you who lost the remote, the dog, or your way altogether; to you, wizard, you sang in my ear and brought me back from the dead, you tell me things, make me shiver; to the ones who destroyed me, even if for a minute, and to the ones who grew me, consumed me, gave me my heart back times ten; to most everything that deserves to call itself a man: How I do love thee, with your skill to light fires that keep me warm, light me up.

    Read more: http://www.esquire.com/women/women-we-love/mary-louise-parker-naked-0809#ixzz1jM0oMhg3



  550.  #550Dominique on January 13, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Flowerchild – #287 – For me how I felt MOST of the time with K was the primary thing. Most of the time I feel adored, cherished, lusted after, cared for.

    And the rest just doesn’t matter.

    Well…not entirely. He has a career and earns decent money. I’m not sure how I would feel if he wasn’t a creative, not so much ambitious but having is career be a very important element in his life.

    But this wasn’t something I was looking for. It just was a part of him and something I came to learn about him.

    He doesn’t tend to pick up his socks and underwear from off the floor which is a big whatever for me, not a big deal and not worth even giving a thought over, yet by having this attitude, over time he has started to pick up after himself, sometimes.

    There are things which can initially make my skin prickle, but I can quickly look at how insignificant this thing might be in comparison to what I have, and so it’s then released from my consciousness.

    We’ve been moving around a lot the last two plus years which has been stressful, yet it’s been an an exciting adventure, so again I look at what I have emotionally and spiritually and sexually and intimately with him, and the rest doesn’t matter at all. It really doesn’t even barely register on my radar.

    If you would like to ask me any specific questions, please feel free.

    xxoo



  551.  #551Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 8:12 am

    LK,

    RE: #492 – Awww, that was sweet of you to say. The more I write about R, the more I think I think twice about how vulnerable I am left feeling, wondering if I am better off just sharing with a few close friends. It’s not that I don’t appreciate feedback, it’s just that this relationship doesn’t fit the mold from beginning to end. It IS confusing.

    Just to give you an idea, when he first started dating me 3 years ago, he led me to believe we were just buddies, that I was like an older sister to him, and that he was looking for his Soul Mate in a younger woman.

    It became obvious that he was dating me, not just “hanging out” with me. We were together almost every evening for 10 months. There were times a subject would come up that would be a typical “couples” issue, and he would say, “I don’t require that.” He said something like that again recently when he was at my house.

    I think his motivation in leading me to believe it is strictly a friendship is that he doesn’t want to see my best self. He wants to see my natural, unaffected, down-to-earth self, like I would be if no one were around. So if he can get me to believe we are just friends and that’s all we ever will be, then I won’t be trying to dress up; I won’t be trying to present my house or cooking any other way than I would for any other friend.

    In between his words that you all tell me adamantly to take verbatim, I see so many other signs at every turn that he is interested romantically. For example, he carries a tiny, stuffed angel with a pocket on its back to insert a little prayer. Once in the summer of 2009, it accidentally fell out of his pocket as he was leaving, and I am almost sure it was accidentally-on-purpose, because I was watching his eyes as he got out of the bed.

    His prayer said, “Please help me to let go what I need to let go so I can be with this woman.”

    Another time I happened to read something he wrote that said, “I want her to be dazzling on our wedding day.”

    I don’t think it was coincidence that we had a beautiful date on Christmas Eve, the 3rd anniversary of our 1st date.

    This is nothing I can prove, but my take on it is that he has been giving both of us time to heal and grow, and that he won’t come near me until I fully operate in feminine energy, which I continue to babystep into. I will say again that I think he would see me much differently if I became slender again. I look pretty darn good in a size 12! 🙂

    In the meantime, I have decided not to focus on his intentions, but just to stay within the day and the moment and continue working on and focusing on myself in a healthy way.



  552.  #552Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Crystal Eyes,

    RE: #468 – You said, “Hi Brenda,

    I admire your energy.

    I dont know if its imaginary , but you and Ryan are practicing off/with each other in relating. As long as you see it as practice and vibe raising, its all good.”

    Xactly. Thank you. It works for me!



  553.  #553Mel on January 13, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Heehee!

    I already told sweetpea this story, but earlier this week, Mr. A gave me some money and asked if I wouldn’t mind picking up a few groceries. He had a last-minute thing to do for a project and his sister was coming for lunch (to meet me) and he didn’t think he could fit it all in.

    I said I would be happy to help… so I asked him for a list and he gave me a house key so I could get back in with the groceries. While shopping, I picked up some tea and perrier (in addition to the things on the list) because he was short on drinks that I like. 😉

    Later, when he saw them he laughed… and I said “oh yeah, thanks for buying me my favorite beverages! It was really sweet of you!!” And he said “Mel… you can pick up anything you want… even a diamond ring!” Really huh? Good to know!

    Later I said “Oh, here’s your house key back.” And he said “Keep it, you are welcome here any time.” But I said “Awww, thanks. But I love to be invited. It makes me feel special and thought of.” He said “Okay, would you like to come over tomorrow?”

    🙂 🙂 🙂 I feel happy today on this Friday the 13th. He’s invited me out for dinner with his daughter. He said he “feels happy to spend the evening with his two favorite girls.” Again… the use of “feel.” So cute!



  554.  #554Dominique on January 13, 2012 at 8:50 am

    lk – #506

    I wrote about this awhile ago. It may help ease your anxiety.

    sexandheart.com/are-you-broken

    and here

    sexandheart.com/your-sex-drive

    xxoo



  555.  #555Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Mel!!!

    RE: #549 – That’s awesome!!



  556.  #556Dominique on January 13, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Femininewoman – I have found that the things we worry about for the most part don’t happen, or if they do, they are usually nowhere near as scary or horrible as what we thought they might be.

    xxoo



  557.  #557Britt on January 13, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Rori I love this!
    I was talking just last night with my boyfriend and a friend about navigating. I explained to both of them that I was the girl and he’s the boy. He was also in the army for a number of years with navigation in strange countries a big part of his job. So HE drives and navigates. I tell him I’m confident in my own ability to nav alone (as it happens I have the navigational sense of a man in the army with a GPS in my brain) but that when I’m with him I’m being the girl so those skills actually don’t surface. He agrees happily with me 🙂



  558.  #558Dominique on January 13, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Hugs and love April Rose.

    xxoo



  559.  #559lk on January 13, 2012 at 8:55 am

    aw cd just called to ask my seating preference for the martial arts / dance show in february… it feels nice to have plans february, march, april, may, october. like i’m safe & i can’t “mess up”



  560.  #560Starla on January 13, 2012 at 8:55 am

    awww CF be calling me every morning to wake me up and say sweet things to me.

    we have the best conversations first thing in the morning about the universe and deep interesting topics

    i think it’s because i’m too tired to feel worried about what he’s thinking of me, or to overanalyze some rules about how i should be conversing with him.

    i wish i could feel easy like that all the time.

    i think that’s why he likes to call me in the mornings. because i am most myself then. even though i’m cranky to the world and so tired (i’m NOT a morning person), that is the best time to feel me through the phone.

    otherwise i feel paralyzed on the phone.



  561.  #561lk on January 13, 2012 at 8:56 am

    @Dominique 552

    “Femininewoman – I have found that the things we worry about for the most part don’t happen, or if they do, they are usually nowhere near as scary or horrible as what we thought they might be.”

    wow, thank you – this feels reassuring & safe : )



  562.  #562Starla on January 13, 2012 at 8:56 am

    lol @ 554 and 555 both starting with “aww CF/CD called”

    i love our men.



  563.  #563lk on January 13, 2012 at 9:01 am

    @Radiance 545

    cool : )



  564.  #564lk on January 13, 2012 at 9:10 am

    mannn i feel sad & i don’t know why

    just deep & hollow

    mmm sometimes i love that feeling & long for it & think it’s yummy



  565.  #565tenny on January 13, 2012 at 9:17 am

    @ Aurora Girl #527

    Girl, that was beautiful!!! I’m feeling that 100%



  566.  #566Hopeful on January 13, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Flowerchild – #287

    It is funny, I was thinking last night about my list of qualities that I wanted in a man when I got married. And yeah, it is not perfect now, but in the several years we dated, and the first 5 or so years of marriage, I was thrilled to have such an amazing man in my life. When I looked around at my friends boyfriends/husbands, I thought I got the pick of the litter.

    I wanted someone who was funny, and even more importantly, appreciated my sense of humor. Every guy that dated me was attracted to me because I made them laugh. I love making people laugh. I take it as a huge compliment when people laugh at my jokes.

    On my list was “a full head of hair”. All the men in my family – siblings, dad, ALL cousins, uncles, have a thick hair, no one is bald. I really find that appealing.

    On my list was a good cook, who likes to cook for me.

    I also wanted someone tall. I dated a string of short guys and tall is so sexy. I also had a little pudgy okay, but not really big.

    And I wanted someone who was not too focused on religious dogma, and doesn’t think you have to follow all the religious rules, but someone who did believe in god, and has a solid belief system.

    There were a bunch of qualities like adores me, treats me like a queen, loves to talk with me, hold my hand and go for long walks.

    I wanted someone college educated with a career, and some ambition, but not so career oriented that they work 80 hours a week. I didn’t want that.

    Divorced -ok, but no kids. (so no contact with ex-wife needed)

    Not a hunter or sports guy.

    Guy who picks up his socks. (Literally)

    Not a drinker (Literally)

    So who seemed like Mr Right, that I knew I would marry after the second date? (And I never felt that way before.) Here are his qualities:

    He is an awesome funny story teller. And he was (and is) attracted to me because I am playful and make him laugh.
    He was loosing hair when we started dating and has a lot less now.
    He loves to cook, and he gets home before me, so he always gets something on the table for us, even if it is tomato soup and cheese sandwiches, or heating up my leftover cooking from the weekend, or calling me to pick up something on the way home.
    He is tall. (That is so sexy!)
    He has almost no fat on his body and is pretty muscly, but not big. He is active, and exercises. He is very supportive of me when I am on a diet, and when I need to make time for exercising. He supports me in a great way.
    He has the cutest but ever. (bonus, always a thing for me)
    He grew up in the same religion as me. He believes in God, but doesn’t go to church. (I really wish he was more spiritual, but I am glad he does not expect me to take on his beliefs, or judge me. That is the essence of what I wanted. So, I need to be sure not to expect him to take on my beliefs. And he is supporting my spiritual path now, which I love.

    And he does have these qualities: he loves to hold my hand and go for long walks. He is super loyal. Not just to me, but even to his friends from High School. And even though we are in a rough patch, he does assure me that he loves me.

    When we dated and were first married, he adored me, treated me well, and we were really in sync from a communication standpoint, though he is not a big talker. That was something I just loved about our relationship. This is something I really want back.

    He has a college degree, but never really felt a calling for what work he should do, so he ended up with management jobs that paid well enough, but weren’t exactly professional. I knew he was capable of so much more. And when he was in a job transition when we were dating, I encouraged him to pursue a couple paths that suited him. And now he has a professional job. And he will not work more than 40 hours a week, even though he does get paid overtime. But he won’t do it.

    He is Divorced but no kids. (So no contact with ex-wife needed)

    Not a hunter or sports guy. (Halleluah!)

    He not only picks up his socks, but he is super tidy. He does way more housework that I do. I sadly, am not that neat. It is just not that important to me. But it is funny that the piles of stuff he leaves around don’t bug him. But my piles drive him crazy. I am glad that he is a good influence on me, trying to keep me neat.

    He take care of a lot of things for me around the house, and he does look out for me. I actually have to assign myself chores so that he does not do them, and leaves them for me.

    He was not a drinker – until recently.

    The thing is, throughout the years in a relationship, some things that you were attracted to in a man in the beginning will be things that rub you later on, and then you sort of have to make peace with that. The thing too, is that people morph over time – we all do. But their character does not.

    He is still a good generous person, and is very loyal. He treats people well. And like I said, he does do a LOT for me around the house, and I have been focusing on appreciating that more recently.

    Recently, I have been looking at him and thinking, You are such a treasure. Because he is. He cooks. He cleans. He picks up his socks. He is so honest. That is an awesome quality to have. He does not lie to me. Ever. And he was ALWAYS committed to me. I never questioned whether he was seeing other girls when we dated. I knew he wasn’t. It is just not his thing. He never dated multiple girls when he had a girlfriend.

    So I agree with Dominique. Feeling loved and adored is the important. Feeling like you are a priority is vital. Feeling like you are connected and can be your real self around them is key. Having fun together and being able to laugh off some stuff is huge!

    Make your list of must haves. A girl should dream about what she wants. But in the end, some of that superficial stuff can be left off. Sometimes you will get more than you asked for. Sometimes the stuff you ask for will eventually rub you the wrong way. And let me tell you, good character goes along way.

    On Christmas Day, I asked him, who is your best friend. He laughingly hemmed and hawed, and then said, umm, YOU. Who else would it be?

    And I really do love my user name. I am hopeful.



  567.  #567tenny on January 13, 2012 at 9:20 am

    @ Radiance #546

    I never read that before, it was lovely!



  568.  #568Senior Lady Vibe on January 13, 2012 at 9:25 am

    @542: Radiance says:
    …Ever thought of writing a screenplay?… ”

    Up to five $35,000 Nicholl Foundation Fellowships are awarded annually. Check it out!

    Nicholl Fellowships in Screenwriting
    http://www.oscars.org/awards/nicholl/index.html

    If you don’t know the craft or format, there is an excellent resources page.



  569.  #569lk on January 13, 2012 at 9:32 am

    just went stumbling up to the front desk & found my 2 besties & they were like what’s wrong & i said i’m cold & hungry & tired & sad & confused & they said oh no that’s a lot & i said, does anyone have food to share ? & now i have avocado with enchilada sauce & it’s delicious & i feel loved & grateful



  570.  #570mali on January 13, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I feel scared to admit this, but part of me is still obsessing over MedCD…

    *sigh* MALI, you don’t even KNOW the guy.

    I searched for him on fb, and found him, and he’s got his mobile number written too…

    DON’T TOUCH THAT PHONE.

    But what did I do?! Why did he not reply to my message- I mean, all I said is that I don’t share my facebook with people I’m dating/could potentially date.

    I need to stoop beating myself up about this.

    I don’t know him. Just because he appears cute, witty, and intelligent…..

    … NO. STOP IT.

    Feeling so frustrated with myself… Gosh, I can’t wait to get back to uni!!



  571.  #571Iamabutterfly on January 13, 2012 at 9:37 am

    ahhh, I feel so good and tingly!!! what is up with all these CDs from my past showing up again? This guy I haven’t spoken to in YEARS randomly texted me today, and it made me feel soo happy and of course, I told him that. I feel curious as to what I’m supposed to learn from all of this? About second chances, forgiving myself? About opening up and staying open? I feel like I have things to teach HIM at this point, since it’s been so long and I’ve learned so much…feels so good to be reconnected! 🙂



  572.  #572lk on January 13, 2012 at 9:39 am

    & pita chips from our IT director

    & i found my IT Buddy Sexy Wife near tears in the IT room (Religious Buddy was saying yesterday how ITBSW raises his sons to be Lions & how he is a Lion & i agree) & he was tearing up because his son had listed him as his hero for a soccer thing. i feel moved & inspired to be such a spouse & such a parent.



  573.  #573Senior Lady Vibe on January 13, 2012 at 9:41 am

    @547: Brenda says:
    “….I look pretty darn good in a size 12!
    …In the meantime, I have decided not to focus on his intentions, but just to stay within the day and the moment and continue working on and focusing on myself in a healthy way….”

    Ooooo, thanks, Brenda. I like this… I look pretty good in a size 12 too. AND, I read your words and created another little motto for myself… I’d better write it down before I forget it…

    “..*I’m* REAL… so I’m going to go with that!…”

    Yay!



  574.  #574mali on January 13, 2012 at 9:42 am

    BLEURGHHHHH, I’M SO ANNOYED AT MEEEE!!



  575.  #575lk on January 13, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Hi, CD! yay, i feel excited about both of those things & i have added them to my calendar : )))

    Hugo looks interesting… sacha baron cohen, eh? fun!

    i feel weird about how hard it seems to make a firm plan for tonight… lol… i’m looking forward to a little down time at my apartment to get myself into weekend mode & i don’t want you to feel rushed after your chores….. 630 sounds good, but later would feel good too if you want… what do you think?



  576.  #576Brenda on January 13, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Hopeful,

    RE: #561 – Lovely! Thank you for sharing! That was beautiful! May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace, as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit!



  577.  #577lk on January 13, 2012 at 9:59 am

    @Hopeful

    wow, that’s so nice. i want my husband to think of me as his best friend : )



  578.  #578Hopeful on January 13, 2012 at 10:08 am

    I wanted to add that I do agree with Dom