Obsession and Circular Dating

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Here’s a long conversation with Esther….it’s a huge diary-like story, and there’s pieces and parts that are so universal…let me know if you can find yourself in some of it…

“Rori, I met him through an online dating service and we were both thrilled to see we actually live just 10 minute from each other. We went out on our first date and had a wonderful time, despite the fact that I was so nervous, I thought I may pee myself. I had never mislead him in this relationship, Stated clearly up front, I felt that I was ready for a life long romance, and that was what I was looking for.

He openly shared with me about his past. I must say it was ironic how similar our past where. I wasn’t sure whether to be excited we had so much in common, or run for the hills totally freaked out. We had both been married 23 yrs, and with that person for 25. After that divorce had entered into a relationship which lasted slightly over 3 yrs.

The only difference there was that he married her. I would not marry the guy I was involved with.

His last divorce had been less than a yr ago. So I immediately told him., I didn’t want to believe it when I was in my relationship that he was simply a rebound and a diversion, but now know that full well. I told him I felt sure that I could not risk being that for him. He assured me that would never be the case. He was over her and would not have even been on the site, if he wasn’t ready to move on, and that he had dated others before he had called me.

SO, the date was wonderful, allot of talking, ALOT of chemistry, I felt an immediate attraction and an immediate connection. And a huge fear of getting hurt again. I never pressed, never called, He did. And as things progressed, we usually only missed one to two days a week of seeing each other.

As we continued to get to know each other found we where raised w/the same religious back ground, we had both rebelled, we where 6 days apart in age. We had the same issues in our marriages. Even down to the he shared with me what his dream house was and it was frightening, it was the exact same as mine right down to the little creek running through the back of the property.

Things went on VERY well for 2 months,. I had even shared with him a very romantic intimate fantasy I had. The weekend after I had shared that w/him. He went out of his way to make that happen. INCREDIBLE. That meant the world to me.

Anyway, He was very unhappy in his work, and had an opportunity to buy a business down south, He told me about it up front, and said he was talking to them and was considering it, and he wanted to be a silent partner and just go down there and initially get it going and then, check in every so often. He has a friend down there he felt comfortable w/to run it on his own when he was here.

He asked me what I thought about the proposed deal, I told him, if it is half as good as this guy was offering I didn’t see how he could possibly turn it down, and eventually it would be a lovely place for him to retire. He bought the business shortly after. Quit his job here, told me we would make it somehow. And he’d be back in one or two months. That was about 6 weeks ago. We have had some amazing conversation over the phone. And I did get to spend a little time w/him a week and a half ago as his grandmother passed away and he came home for that.

Yet, He didn’t ask me to go to the viewing, nor funeral, I told him I had no plans of going unless he needed or wanted me there. I would be there, as I didn’t know her. He said his mother was a bitch and that she had mistreated every girl he had ever dated, and he had no intentions of subjecting that to me. This death was very hard on him.

I know. but since he has gone back south, our communication has diminished, he will say he is going to call back in such and such and doesn’t. I usually do not call him first or text him first. but this past weekend has been exceptionally tough, well, let me back up for a sec. In the past wk, I had heard very little, I have backed off to give him space to grief as he feels best, realizing he is also faced w/getting this business going and when he got there found out his friend had picked up a bad habit of drinking excessively.

So it has been rough for him. And he says its been hard on him being there away from me, but that he can deal w/lonely, that he will not be seeking other women, and will not sleep w/others, OK, nice. SO, he’s not been calling much in the last wk. my gut is telling me things that I am not sure are from the guy I am seeing now or if it is tainted stuff from my past marriage. So, I kinda, maybe overstepped it Thurs., called his bluff.

Told him I was heading down to see him and I had a wonderful early birthday present to share that he was gonna love it, and that I would call when I hit the state line cause I needed specific direction to him. mysteriously he responded very quickly and sorry , but I have plans, going on a rally for St. Jude in Texas this weekend, if your on your way you will have to drive an addition some odd miles to see me.

I had never left town. Was actually leaving work when I heard from him. He told me he was on his way out of work and would call me in a little bit. NEVER DID. Yet when we talk he is sweet, says the right things. I AM just not sure.

Now to this past weekend. awful, had a young family friend that died unexpectedly and I needed him so bad to lean on. sent a text, wish you where here need a shoulder. No response then I text sorry, forget that past text, there is nothing you can do, I will be fine. I have not heard anything, and I am hurting so bad, from the death of John who was like an extra daughter, to the fact that he’s not contacting me. When 2 days prior to this he agreed it was important for us to touch base everyday while he is there. I am seriously thinking he has no intentions of coming back.

So talk to me about it. He gets upset when I don’t share things right away, yet, I feel so strongly that I know in my heart he is not shJohnng something, I automatically assume that it is that he want this over, but then we talk and I feel his emotion, and thinks all OK, then we go through a dry time again. I don’t ask anything of him, like what do you feel, what do you want, where do you want this to go, or when will I see you again,. can’t I come visit there, NOTHING, and I am just not sure what he is truly going Thurs, and half afraid to ask.

I have no idea what to think what to feel nor which way to turn, I have stepped back and tried to divert my mind, but I feel so obsessive w/my thinking it is crazy, I get mad and cry allot but it is mostly that I am mad and upset w/myself for allowing my self to be open and feel again.

Thanks for reading my book…HA

Crazy with Confusion,

Esther”

***

From Me:

Esther, this is your whole, entire problem:

“I have no idea what to think what to feel nor which way to turn, I have stepped back and tried to divert my mind, but I feel so obsessive w/my thinking it is crazy, I get mad and cry a lot but it is mostly that I am mad and upset w/myself for allowing myself to be open and feel again.”

This is inside you, and has nothing to do with him.

When he does call, you must ASK him…Hi, is there anything I need to know? Should I be dating other men and keeping my options open?

And…what you’re missing is CIRCULAR DATING.

This is about your Degree of Difficulty!

This is NOT an exclusive relationship. It should not be. Way too soon, he left town and you had no ring on your finger.

What you have “in common” is completely IRRELEVANT to a relationship.

The only thing that counts is Attraction, and how a Heart Connection happens while the attraction BUILDS.

Please work on your obsession (the cure for that is in Blueprint) and your self-esteem…and get out there and FLIRT!!!!! Use Circular Dating.

If you can…Targeting Mr. Right is the next program you need…it will give you the nuts and bolts you need to put this guy into perspective and INCREASE his attraction. Right now you feel clingy to him, and that is NOT attractive. That’s where your work is…plus THIS:

Beating yourself up is not serving you.

Please open your heart to yourself, embrace everything you don’t like, love everything that shows up inside you and that you create outside you.  It’s the only way….

Love, Rori

***

From Esther:

Rori,
Thank you for your response, I will go over those things again, and work on things, I have kept my profile up on an online dating service and have been communicating w/2 guys that to be quite honest are not my type but hey, I’m open, and I have not communicated w/Bob. BUT, one quick clarification.

You said when he calls, it sounds like you feel sure he will, and I take that as, don’t call nor text him first. Am assume that is what you are saying., correct?  I am worried that w/the last text I sent, saying “never mind, sorry, stupid of me to bug you with it. Nothing you can do, I know you are busy on your rally, and would need to just ignore it. I will be fine.”

Wow, that was totally wrong. I hear that when I reread it. anyhow the sad thing is that is the last thing, he got from me. I think I just sent the message hey, forget me I’m stupid, not worth your time nor effort so, move on. didn’t I. And that isn’t true. He may not see it, but I know I am the best thing that happen to him. though I am not sure how to open his eyes to that from here. ok, well. I will go over those things again. and see if I can find away to order the other if you feel it truly will help me. And please offer more insight to what I think I just heard and saw in the text I had sent. I think I am right.?

But, still crazy w/confusion, so who know. HA, Esther

***

From Me:

Yep, Esther, you’re right about your message in the text…and so that solidifies what I’m saying.

If you write him again…it will just make it all worse.

Let it go.  I know you can do this and be happy. Love, Rori

***

From Esther:

Bob did call, said he had tried to get a signal all weekend and wouldn’t even drive somewhere to get one, okay right, I’m not an idiot, but whatever. Don’t really get into calling someone a liar, so anyhow…didn’t get a chance to finish with both questions you said to ask, should have done that right away, but was hurting so much just needed to express that, anyhow I did say any thing I need to know?,

You need to tell me? He says no, Think I covered everything. something you want me to say, I said well, actually yes but…, he says you need me to tell you a story, so he reverts back to his joking teasing self and starts in w/the tree little bears, a diversion, I know, but I was so emotional it, just took me from crying to laughing, and I have to confess, we ended the conversation, with…yes, phone sex. crazy.
When we are together it is so good, but I am just filled with doubt and questions when apart.

We handle things so different., him and I. and last night he calls says when he is home he’d love to take me out for margaritas again. does he tell me when he is coming no way. does he invite me there no way, does he offer to meet half way nope. just says hey i am headed to a razorback game in Fayetteville will not be back til Mon. Wow, hell of a game huh. I’m too emotionally exhausted this weekend to deal w/him.

Oh yes, I didn’t get to the question about dating others. Do I really need to talk to him about it, before hand. I have one guy calling and in communication w/2 others online dating, waiting on 2 more to respond…Your feedback is so appreciated. Thank you for you help.
God bless,
Esther

From Me:

You don’t have to do anything.  You don’t have to tell a man anything – you owe him nothing.

And yet – if you should want to be totally candid and honest and transparent – that would be an amazing thing for you!

The big take-away from this conversation is that there are NO rules, here!  We’re about experimenting, feeling our way through – and everything that we think, do, experience – everything that happens is some kind of lesson, some kind of message.

In order to learn, we have to experience.  The opposite is to try to figure everything out beforehand like a chess master – and that just cuts off the possibilities of romance.

So – learning to stop punishing yourself the moment it starts to happen is a great place to begin.

And learning to recognize the parts of us that feel compelled to do things that do not work to further romance in our lives – and then loving those parts completely – is another great step.

Love, Rori

Posted in

940 Comments

  1.  #1Emoticon on March 26, 2012 at 7:14 am

    #1?



  2.  #2Emoticon on March 26, 2012 at 7:15 am

    YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY 🙂



  3.  #3Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 7:23 am

    I know about obsession



  4.  #4Emoticon on March 26, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Oh my! The “nevermind” text.

    I did that ALL the time, when i felt like i didnt get the response i want, or I didnt get it fast enough. Back when i lived in Needy-Ville oooh weee I’m glad i’m slowly moving out of there.



  5.  #5light heart on March 26, 2012 at 7:46 am

    good morning GingerSky, Daria and Siren goddesses, thank you for your thoughts

    what I would like to express…

    I face and acknowledge and do not judge my feelings of inadequacy, and I thank them and love them, for what they show me, but I no longer want to express these feelings in the world. That is what I have done for far too long. The time has come to stop. They are based on stories that I tell myself which are untrue. I want to know myself as what I truly am….Love and the source of that love.

    Feeling second best, unimportant, inadequate, unworthy, means that I doubt that love is the truth of who I am.

    I choose to express my vulnerability in other ways.

    So before expressing a feeling of second best, I will question from what thoughts, beliefs and stories is it coming from ? They can’t be true, because no thought is really true, or is only half-true at best, because it doesn’t have all the information available.

    and isn’t that what feeling ‘second best’ or ‘unimportant’ really is ? –

    a sense of inadequacy and fear based on a thought or a story that I believe that I am not getting the love and attention from another person that I crave and desire….and I need to get this love and attention from outside of myself…

    I feel afraid that I am not meeting some standard in order to get that love and attention and validation from outside of myself

    as if love is a commodity that I must earn, bargain for, behave properly for, to be worthy of, that it is in short supply and I have to compete for it.

    So, I have my list of what it takes for you to get my love and attention, and you have your list of what it takes to get your love and attention.

    As a little child we do need to be shown love and given attention to thrive. But then we are also taught that we need to behave in certain ways that please the other person, that they dictate, so we can get their love and attention.

    I don’t want to rely on anyone else as a source of love, I don’t want to treat love like a commodity.

    I want relationships based on real caring that doesn’t need to be coerced, and mutual agreements that bring out the best in us and make us better together than we could be alone. but I don’t want to need you to behave in certain ways so that I can feel loved and important.

    If you are not able to do that, then I may be able to be your friend, but I probably don’t want to do relationship with you, or live with you.

    I look forward to what others have to say

    🙂

    light heart



  6.  #6Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Light heart that was very eyeopening. It resonated with me.



  7.  #7Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 8:12 am

    I like the you don’t have to tell a man anything, you owe him nothing.



  8.  #8Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 8:13 am

    @ LH #5

    Good morning, Light Heart. Wow … I felt very connected to what you posted about “learning” how to love / be loved as a child. It makes me feel sad to realize that many of us have been raised in such a way as to study and learn the proper ways on how to make others happy or to do the right things, which in turn – will earn you the right to be loved by them. I feel even more fascinated with the “unconditional love” idea now; and its best represented by a dog and its owner.

    The dog never judges a person or its owner – regardless of how the dog is being treated [hopefully very well, of course]. The dog has no expectations; no rules; no demands. It just is. Of course, dogs are inclined to display emotions too. Perhaps you’ve noticed it — the raised eyebrows; the tongue that just dangles after a game of fetch; the happy excited prance when it is about to go on a walk, etc.

    Dogs will not talk back to you; tell you anything about how beautiful you look or how miserable that outfit wears on you; or ridicule you for doing an awful job on that sales presentation at work. He will be home when you get home (likely to greet you at the door unless he’s in a kennel or similar) with a tail waggining and a bounce in his step.

    Dogs tend to know when we are feeling sad, and some will sit closer to us; nuzzle their heads under our hands or just put their head on our lap and stare up at you with the sad dog face.

    Well — anyway — my post has gone on way longer than I expected. Point being — I strive to give and receive unconditional love from all of my relationships. I am far from perfect – but I want to be loved for all my imperfections and perfections alike.

    Thanks for posting.



  9.  #9GingerSky on March 26, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Good morning, light heart! And all Sirens. This is a good post, and yes, I recognize myself in some of it. Big time. Hopefully will be online later so can respond more easily than on phone, so till soon!



  10.  #10Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Half Day 7: everything is going fine. Busy with work and leaning back!



  11.  #11Starla on March 26, 2012 at 9:13 am

    holy crap and wow
    i can feel my hormones raging through my body
    lol no one is safe



  12.  #12Mel on March 26, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Hey Starla,

    LOL about the hormones… me too! 🙂

    Say, did you end up sending that e-mail? I feel curious…



  13.  #13light heart on March 26, 2012 at 9:18 am

    The source of much, if not all, conflict in human relationships stems from the need to be right in our beliefs, opinions, thoughts, feelings, associations, perceptions, by making others wrong, so that I can feel good and OK about my stance. This even extends to the battles we wage in our own heads over conflicting thoughts!
    Instead of simply abiding and letting everything just be.

    🙂
    light heart



  14.  #14Starla on March 26, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Mel, I did, and he wrote back proposing that we plan to hang out every single weekend…which made me feel great…

    i don’t want to hang out just once a week though.



  15.  #15light heart on March 26, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Lush Oasis @ 8

    I felt so much enjoyment and resonance reading your thoughts

    Dogs and very young children are such good role models !

    🙂
    light heart



  16.  #16Daria on March 26, 2012 at 9:34 am

    lightheart – what you say about the thoughts is a great, but I still FEEL those feelings sometimes.

    Expressing them is just my truth and it’s exactly because of my dedication to loving myself that I can express that feeling too regardless of how I’m judging it

    I don’t think expressing it makes me less than, but rather more



  17.  #17Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 9:34 am

    @Brenda from last thread #626 (RR Newsletter). Thanks for sharing the link. I would feel so nervous and edgy if this ever happened to me. Phew. What a fairy tale setting though — and her BFFs and family were there too. Aww …

    Good luck with your date tonight! i feel excited and happy for you 😀



  18.  #18Daria on March 26, 2012 at 9:37 am

    not expressing that would be like not expressing anger because, its triggered by thoughts… well of course

    but the less i judge my feelings… and they can “mean” whatever i ascribe to them

    sometimes when i feel broken hearted i take it to ‘mean’ im healing old wounds

    and i still FEEL broken hearted

    not expressing certain feelings will hide the part of myself that is raw messy and does feel bad and unworthy at times. I dont want to hide her. I love her and all of me.

    Expressing her feelings (not her thoughts) makes me more, not less.



  19.  #19lk on March 26, 2012 at 9:38 am

    well….. i bought a car ! a New Car, actually o_0

    my parents used their costco card, & now i’m paying “rent” for the next 6 years.

    plus-side: the car is large enough for me to live out of & 430/month is pretty low for “rent” EEEK !

    other plus-side: the car is pxmp & i paid for a service-maintenance agreement that covers all regular maintenance & repairs for 6 years !!!

    ok, so i financed it. secretly, however, i intend to pay it off before the end of the year by writing a fat check : ) don’t know how yet… but i know how that will feel : ))) & then i want a chitty-chitty bang-bang convertible too for next spring : ) love to myself, love to the universe



  20.  #20Daria on March 26, 2012 at 9:39 am

    many of us come here trying to reason away our feelings and hush hush them

    and we believe if we don’t express them that will be honoring ourselves

    when the honoring ourselves is embracing all of us and not judging certain feelings as bad

    so they’re cause by my crazy thoughts – and thats ok! – the feelings are still the way into my heart, and a man’s way in

    not showing those blocks him off

    you have to touch the pain to touch joy. its all in the soup



  21.  #21Daria on March 26, 2012 at 9:43 am

    i feel uncomfortable and like im arguing w someone (my thing not anyone else’s thing)

    and that feels uncomfortable

    i feel a lil clumsy expressing these thoughts

    i dont really want to talk aobut this anymore

    it feels scary to me

    i feel scared taht what a huge part of Rori’s work is for me might be lost for awhile for some –

    and so what

    thats juts a thought

    what i feel is scared

    a bit

    and i love me

    and i love my fears

    i choose to trust my feelings

    trust that they are worthy and i dont have to judge them

    i follow my feelings

    i Choose mywords not my feelings

    if i feel unworhty its a huge act of love for myself to say i feel unworthy

    oops im arguing again

    this feels draining



  22.  #22Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Emoticon,

    LOL, congratulations on being #1! 😆

    Lush Oasis,

    Thank you! I would be on edge, too, but wow, a modern day fairy tale is right! That will probably be the most memorable, happy day of her life, something she will live and relive as her years go by!



  23.  #23lk on March 26, 2012 at 9:45 am

    now, packing & moving all week…. must be out by the weekend….. & then i’ll conquer my next sets of tasks (job, edits/sewing, picking… then school, uris project, running…. then babies, dream journal, meditating…. then property, methods, management) WOW good luck, baby !!!!



  24.  #24Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Daria,

    RE: #20 – Beautiful post! Right on!

    I think how many times I posted here, feeling so vulnerable and explosed (hehe, just typo’ed a new word there!)! And E M B A R R – A S S E D!!!!!!

    And it was hard, uncomfortable growth.

    But, like you said, it’s all in the soup! And I come out feeling on top of the world, thinking, “Heeeey! I got this!”



  25.  #25Daria on March 26, 2012 at 9:52 am

    it feels scary to believe that expressing any of my feelings will create something that feels bad. i choose not to believe that

    and now i feel angry

    i wonder what there is for me to heal?

    i feel scared too that the truth is that it’s not good to express those

    i am just choosing to belive that’s nto true

    i don’t want to feel scared to express the truth of my feelings

    just cuz i feel unworhty DOESNT mean i believe i AM unworthy

    i disagree with that

    i just feel unworthy and i believe i am so i can express i feel that i way and thats not how i want to feel

    *sigh*

    this feels sad and scary

    I DONT WANT TO HIDE MY EMOTIONS!

    i feel angry

    I DNOT WANT TO NOT EXPRESS CERTAIN ISH

    i choose my words to best express what i feel

    if what i feel is unworthy then feeling unworthy is what i want to express

    not model it to get a certain controlled response… from anyone

    EVEN FROM UNIVERSE

    expressing i feel unworthy acutally raises my self esteem. it does not make me feel more unworthy

    sigh

    mm that feels good



  26.  #26Daria on March 26, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Im feeling panicked

    a bit

    stirred up

    i love my feelings

    i want to heal this



  27.  #27Daria on March 26, 2012 at 9:56 am

    thank you Brenda



  28.  #28lk on March 26, 2012 at 9:56 am

    cool, daria : ) love you



  29.  #29Daria on March 26, 2012 at 10:00 am

    thanks lk

    i feel jealous of your buying a new car

    i feel jealous of someone having money to do that

    and i also feel kinda happy that i dont want to put effort into that

    i want to heal this

    i dont want to feel like im depriving myself

    i feel like im depriving myself of sex right now but im actually depriving myself of unfulfilling sex (i think)

    and unfufliling relationships

    and ifeel lonely and unsure

    LK you were in my dream last nite!!!



  30.  #30lk on March 26, 2012 at 10:03 am

    wow i’m really ready, universe ; ) do itttt i’m so so ready



  31.  #31Starla on March 26, 2012 at 10:03 am

    i feel not good:(



  32.  #32lk on March 26, 2012 at 10:06 am

    oooh daria i feel excited to be in someone else’s dreams !!!



  33.  #33lk on March 26, 2012 at 10:09 am

    (((starla)))



  34.  #34Daria on March 26, 2012 at 10:14 am


    :: The Sticky Speedometer ::

    Some years ago, my car’s speedometer developed
    a case of sporadic “stickiness.”

    The first time it stuck I didn’t know it. I was
    driving on a freeway, faithfully checking the
    speedometer at regular intervals, and I believed
    it was “right” even though my actual speed was
    gradually increasing!

    ** It didn’t occur to me to question the
    speedometer’s “authority.” **

    Eventually the growing difference between what it was
    telling me and the *feeling* of my actual speed made
    me realize that the speedometer was stuck — that I’d
    have to start relying on my *inner* guidance.

    It was disconcerting at first, because I’d always
    relied on the external authority, but before too long
    I got pretty good at sensing whether I was going too
    fast or slow. . . .

    Today, let your feelings reveal and replace your
    “sticky speedometers” — beliefs, expectations, and
    rules that aren’t serving you.

    When something looks right but *feels* wrong,
    be willing to question even the unquestionable.
    For progressive parents, some of the stickiest
    speedometers are forms of “parental correctness”
    that started as brilliant ideas.

    http://dailygroove.net/speedometer



  35.  #35Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Daria,

    RE: #34 – Love it!!! (& YW)



  36.  #36Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Snuggly Cop just emailed to set it up for 6 pm.

    I felt weird writing, “Six feels good”, but I did it anyway.



  37.  #37Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Brenda I unconscioiusly read it as “sex” feels good and practically heard my internal voice saying it.



  38.  #38Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Cop wrote, “Awesome, I can’t wait. Hope ur looking forward too.”

    I wrote, “Thank you! I feel happy and excited!”

    I feel a lil scared, too, but I didn’t tell him that.



  39.  #39Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Chemical texted, “Hello, Brenda!”

    I texted, “Hi Chemical, I’m sorry, I decided to hold out for a man who has time for a relationship. I wish you the best.”



  40.  #40Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 10:46 am

    FW,

    RE: #37 – Yikes! Not what I wanted to say. 😆



  41.  #41light heart on March 26, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Hi Daria, thanks for sharing, and I totally understand where you are coming from. Just because the FEELING of unworthiness comes up doesn’t mean you are not worthy. It also does not mean that we should not express that feeling to a man. It is an individual choice. I myself would be selective about this expressing. Perhaps I might journal or do some expressive painting or something like that. I don’t always feel the need to share everything I am feeling with everybody. This doesn’t mean I am hiding or judging the feeling. I am making a conscious choice. I could definitely see myself expressing feeling this way to a man in the context of a mutual intention to create a relationship which is not based on ongoing unconscious feelings of chronic unworthiness to perpetuate bargaining for love as a commodity. A man who gets that. Sometimes sharing certain things in the name of vulnerability is just plain casting pearls before swine.

    🙂
    light heart



  42.  #42Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 10:48 am

    FW,

    Not even what I was thinking when I wrote that I felt weird writing it. Rori says to say, “Tuesday feels good” or “Two o’clock feels good” or “Applebee’s feels good.”

    I have never felt comfortable with that way of wording things, but I am trying it experimentally. I felt my cheeks get red when I read your comment. Oh well. At least he didn’t make any jokes about it.



  43.  #43Emoticon on March 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

    @ Brenda THANK YOU 🙂

    My first time being #1



  44.  #44Starla on March 26, 2012 at 10:53 am

    ugh i am not feeling okay at all, i want to rage and hit and hurt, and maybe i just need to go eat something:)



  45.  #45Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 11:09 am

    I know Brenda. I don’t know where it came from. Just my own mind.



  46.  #46Coco Kisses on March 26, 2012 at 11:09 am

    good afternoon sirens

    I am just enjoying the las day of my day off.

    I’m watching movies and cooking. Also folding laundry that needs to be done. One of he movies I watched triggered saddness inside of me, and made me think of my husband.

    I woke up a few times last night, almost thinking that he was laying next to me in bed, but it was my dogs. I feel sad. We have only been married 2.8 years. Our 3 year anniversery is in May. I feel defeated by all the negative energy. I keep fighting the urge to suck up my feelings. I really want to feel my way through this situation.

    I know that if a man wants to go, then you need to let him go. I feel hurt that my husband tried to manipulate me into paying for half the divorce, it also feels a little comical at the same time, if that makes any sense.

    I know I do not get my happiness from a man, however I really would love to have and experience a beauiful loving realionship.

    I know that what you reap, you eventually sow. I will continue to slather myself with love, positivity, and light. I will force myself o get out there and ejoy the things I love.

    I will be in he marriage of my dreams by the end of the year.

    …. @ Daria, I agree with you in that I don’t know if my husband is capable of stepping up righ now. I think he probably did/does feel a little bit of attraction which is why he kept calling me. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to step up to me, men do what they want to do. I feel the need to proect myself from the pain of being rejected from the man I loved for the past 5 years.

    Thank all of u guys for supporting me!!!!

    @ Jessie 1000, I will not let someone make me feel less than based on physical qualities. I will do my best to keep myself up, but there is more o me than my body.



  47.  #47Daria on March 26, 2012 at 11:09 am

    :: The Big Lie ::

    Do you have “control issues”?

    The good news is that being a “controller” is a
    symptom of being intelligent, creative, and
    passionate… AND duped into believing the Big Lie
    of our culture: *conditionality*

    The Big Lie is that you can’t be happy or feel worthy
    except under certain conditions. If you’ve bought
    into it, then naturally you will use your personal
    strengths to try and control those conditions.

    For example, if you believe your children have to
    behave a certain way in order for you to feel good
    (about them or about yourself), then of course you
    will try to control their behavior.

    Once you realize the purpose of the Big Lie — to
    control *you* — you’ll stop believing it.

    Practicing the Art of Unconditionality* dissolves the
    Big Lie (and the “need” to control conditions) by
    affirming the Ultimate Truth: that you have the
    power to focus your mind in ways that feel good…
    under *any* conditions.

    Try it!

    http://dailygroove.net/big-lie



  48.  #48lk on March 26, 2012 at 11:11 am

    yesterday, i forget what CD said but it really annoyed me & i felt Sassy & Defensive, though i know i don’t “need” those feelings around cd… so i just straight up said, no blame & all-my-stuff, ” wow, i don’t want to be talked to like that ! — 2 beat pause — but… [answers question]” & then there didn’t have to be a huge ordeal, but the level of respect/gentleness in the dialogue jumped back up to “normal,” i.e. lk is the princess : ) lol. i knew he was just talking with the energy he was feeling in the moment, but i didn’t want that energy “pointed at” me lol



  49.  #49Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Brenda after all that I have learned here, I no longer believe I would say “I wish you the best to a man” when I am moving on. It feels masculine energy to me now for some reason. I guess it is because I have seen so many write it when women break up with them, or something similar. Or is it that it feels dismissive to me? I dunno.



  50.  #50Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Hi!

    Well, I already blew it today….couldn’t make it past 12 without leaning forward…..

    Grrrr…..

    let me explain….I picked up my mail and i got a corrected 1099 so i had to email crush and tell him.
    he emails back and says slip it under my door.
    and i email back it wouldn’t feel right to slip it under your door.
    he writes back, i am going out of town, it should be safe for a couple days, otherwise see you when i get back on thur.
    why didn’t i think of coming on the blog and getting support? I was doing so good today, until the universe has to throw this wrench in my leaning back plans….
    so then, with my spontaneous, impetuous, not thinking part of me running the show, i write back….no, no that’s not what i mean, i am sure the papers would be safe, i mean i don’t want to go to your office right now, during tax season you are so busy and it would feel SO good to get a hug…

    i guess it is not that bad and it is already done, so i can’t worry about it, but i feel like it is an impossible thing for me to build intruige, when i am the way i am…..

    well, he did not write me back and now that does not feel good….i am just going to leave it…..i want to ask him if there is something i should know like in that post, but only if he initiates….

    this is SO hard….i just want to walk right over to his office, which is 100 feet away and talk to him….and i know if i did, he would tell me how pretty i am, etc…..

    which would feel so great….
    help! why why why, why right across the street, why my financial advisor, why the amended 1099?
    so i can learn how to lean back?



  51.  #51Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 11:24 am

    ((((((Coco Kisses))))))))



  52.  #52Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Coco Kisses it feels disappointing to read your words he “tried to manipulate me into paying for half the divorce”. I would look for things like this in my thinking to change my story of my life. He was negotiating. It is something men do. He was taking care of himself and looking out for his own best interest. Though you are hurt by it, if you flip it you might see that really nothing is wrong with him wanting to that. I would look for a script to prepare myself for the next time he suggests such a thing. Something that could boost his ego rather than being sarcastic while at the same time letting him know that I feel stabbed to the heart and deeply saddened by the turn of events.



  53.  #53Daria on March 26, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Feminie Woman – i feel inspired by that perspective



  54.  #54Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 11:35 am

    HW it is only hard because you keep putting energy behind that thought. As a matter of fact though it was leaning forward to express that I believe if there was no expectation of any outcome it could have been just Rockstar expressing. It is needy vibe of wanting something back that makes the difference. I actually read it as you just expressing in the moment how you were feeling and saw it as being authentic.



  55.  #55Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 11:42 am

    I feel happy to have inspired you Daria.

    I felt inspired by the sticky speedometer post to look for areas of my life where I seek external validation. It feels sad to even think about so I dropped it and tried to refocus my mind. It is something I definitely need to heal. Thanks.



  56.  #56Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 11:44 am

    ooooh, gosh, you are so sweet, fw…..i was just being in the moment, rockstar expressing and it does actually feel good, i feel like he got it and i sent it and it all feels okay here, actually, i guess i just need to accept that i have a hard time keeping my feelings in and i didn’t expect that he was going to come give me a hug today or next week, so thanks….but i do really want to get the hang of this leaning back thing.

    i also love the way you expressed a different way of looking at the hubby asking for 1/2 the divorce…..that makes sense….
    thanks for helping!

    back to work on creating my biz!



  57.  #57Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Brenda

    I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BEST TIME ON YOUR CUDDLE DATE!
    A COP-CUDDLING COZY ON THE COUCH CO-CREATING DATE!

    Have a great time.
    I read the text and my mind was the same as fw, i read s*x instead of six……



  58.  #58Starla on March 26, 2012 at 11:56 am

    you know, you dirty lady perverts, i didn’t read anything but 6 would feel good….;)



  59.  #59Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Starla I feel compelled to call you out on this. I don’t like to be called names either.

    Actually the thought felt like it was coming from my playful flirty side. The side that I want to actively engage more when interacting with men. Particularly now that I am feeling stronger on the inside.



  60.  #60Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    HW It might help to consciously build in a pause in your psyche so you can be your own witness/observer. This has helped me to consciously pause more often and choose my words. I used to be so impulsive.



  61.  #61Daria on March 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    im just feeling so pist that im not having the sex i want!

    wheres my 4 boyfriends

    no man even sticks around for long enough to have good sex

    i feel scared im misding out

    i frel so frustrated and mad at men

    at the last man i had only 10 min sec with cuz o didnt frrl hood w the foreplay

    and i feel pist at me for asking to go to jis housr when he was actuky romantically putsuing me and i killed it by doing it all too soon

    spending tome together i mean

    i coulda leaned back and he mighta come yo me and fallen in love.

    i Am learning tho



  62.  #62Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Lightheart,

    RE: #41 – That is true, too. I am trying to find the right mix of vulnerability vs guarding my heart.



  63.  #63Starla on March 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    fw, i meant it as a flirty joke myself, sorry if it seemed like i was calling you names! I don’t really think you’re dirty or perverted, and hell, if you are, i don’t care:D



  64.  #64Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    you ladies are cracking me up! 🙂

    Brenda I feel excited for you…and I too feel weird saying such and such time feels good…my throat feels weird and I can feel my face squish up lol but I practice saying it too 🙂

    FW…that feels funny hearing you say what you thought you read lol

    coco kisses..you sound grounded…yes just keep slathering yourself in love 🙂 I told myself last year that I would meet the man of my dreams by Feb 14 2012…I met Rugby Man Feb 4th…hmmm…it’s soon…but everything feels amazing so far! 🙂

    I feel nervous expressing that…like it’s too much gushing but I am in love and I believe you can know right away 🙂

    I experimented with expressing to Rugby Man some icky feelings I was having not concerning him and I and he was so supportive and manly and made me laugh and feel better.



  65.  #65Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    FW
    Ok, I meditate a ton. And go for meditative walks. And still, I have “beginner’s mind”. So this is a good point…to build a pause in my psyche, i am not sure how to do this, but I will pray for the ability to become more my own witness and observer.
    Thank-you

    Starla,
    I also appreciated the fun spirit in which you commented on my freudian misinterpretation of the word six, but want to say that it is not because I am perverted, but because of my desire to have fun with a man that i read it that way, and that comment could be misconstrued…..i am not perverted only healthy and full of love.
    Hugs



  66.  #66lk on March 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    this morning i got woken up early by cd & he tried to close my doors so i wouldn’t hear him more but i tried saying hi to him & he didn’t hear & i woke up all the way & went in & sat with him & he said was i too loud ? & i said i heard you, but i kept trying to say hello when you were shutting the door. & i sounded sad because i felt sad & i was frowning a little, like a baby. & he said oh, sorry baby, & cuddled me. i want that. i like that. i want to be babied even when it is no one’s “fault” that he didn’t hear me. but i still felt sad !



  67.  #67Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Haha Brenda,

    That feels hilarious, I wonder how he read it and what he wanted it to be LOL!

    Now I hope you just realize that it was really funny and there is nothing to feel worried/concerned about!



  68.  #68lk on March 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    @daria

    months before i met cd, i decided i wanted Amazing, Connected physical intimacy, so i totally changed the way i touched myself. totally broke my old habits & patterns. & began touching myself every time as if i were my ideal partner, exploring myself as an outsider…. & by the time i learned to really touch myself, the vision was complete, man & everything… & the man turned out to be CD. when i met him, i was shocked that he looked identical to my vision. later, he told me he’s dreamed about me too ! for years ! & also when we finally were intimate, it was literally identical to my ideal fantasy – even what he said to me o_0 wow !



  69.  #69Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    FW,

    RE: #49 – “Brenda after all that I have learned here, I no longer believe I would say “I wish you the best to a man” when I am moving on. It feels masculine energy to me now for some reason. I guess it is because I have seen so many write it when women break up with them, or something similar. Or is it that it feels dismissive to me? I dunno.”

    Thank you, i will think about that. I asked a few days ago how to say goodbye to him and no one responded. I wasn’t sure what to say or not say. he didn’t respond. I don’t care. he was too pushy and not asking me out. Not interested. Just trying to be kind.



  70.  #70Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Healing Waterfall,

    RE: #57 – “Brenda

    I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BEST TIME ON YOUR CUDDLE DATE!
    A COP-CUDDLING COZY ON THE COUCH CO-CREATING DATE!

    Have a great time.
    I read the text and my mind was the same as fw, i read s*x instead of six……

    LOL! Thanks! You made me laugh!



  71.  #71lk on March 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    HELP HELP HELP

    i recommend this more than anything i’ve ever recommended in my life

    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html



  72.  #72Emoticon on March 26, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    wow LK, that is an amazing story….. I hope i get someone to romance me the way I romance myself. Lay with myself wit candles and incense lit in my room, touch me, send me presents, tell me how beautiful I am and how much of a gem I am as much as i tell myself 🙂 ….. soon, soon Emoticon, be patient lol



  73.  #73Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Starla,

    What is happening with you, are you going on a date with CF and his mom tonight? Did you respond to his mail?



  74.  #74lk on March 26, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    this blog is seriously genius:

    “I’ve always wanted to not give a fuck. While crying helplessly into my pillow for no good reason, I would often fantasize that maybe someday I could be one of those stoic badasses whose emotions are mostly comprised of rock music and not being afraid of things. And finally – finally – after a lifetime of feelings and anxiety and more feelings, I didn’t have any feelings left. I had spent my last feeling being disappointed that I couldn’t rent Jumanji.

    “I felt invincible.”



  75.  #75Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    LK,

    Thanks this is SO funny!!



  76.  #76lk on March 26, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    this blog is seriously genius:

    “I’ve always wanted to not give a fxck. While crying helplessly into my pillow for no good reason, I would often fantasize that maybe someday I could be one of those stoic bxdasses whose emotions are mostly comprised of rock music and not being afraid of things. And finally – finally – after a lifetime of feelings and anxiety and more feelings, I didn’t have any feelings left. I had spent my last feeling being disappointed that I couldn’t rent Jumanji.

    “I felt invincible.”



  77.  #77Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    yes, starla, how did it all work out? i think i missed that, the last i read was that it was heartfelt and felt really deep and connecting and it felt inspiring that you took the time to really choose your words.

    i felt really amazed, seeing as that is not my talent at all.

    lk, why do you need help?



  78.  #78Emoticon on March 26, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    LK that was very interesting, and kinda funny.

    Wanna share something with you guys!



  79.  #79Emoticon on March 26, 2012 at 12:56 pm


  80.  #80Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Well, I told SmartCD yesterday that I am going to see a show (he lives next door to the theater) tonight, I got a ticket as a gift from friends. He said: hmm really? What is it about? I told him what it’s about and he asked more questions and then I said he is welcome to join me if he likes, but I only have one ticket. He said hmm then we won’t be sitting together. I will need to buy two tickets and then we can sell yours. I laughed and said: up to you! but the the lady in the leading role is worth it.

    It is 4pm and I haven’t heard from him today AT ALL.

    I can’t help but wondering: even if he didn’t want to join me for the show, couldn’t he see me for dinner/whatever before or after?? since it’s right at his place ERRR



  81.  #81Emoticon on March 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Memulo, yes that would be nice for him to do that, but he doesn’t really have to. Rori says they dont owe anything to us or the relationship. So don’t be mad…. and maybe he will surprise you. BE SURPRISED 🙂



  82.  #82lk on March 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    @Memulo 80

    “Well, I told SmartCD yesterday that I am going to see a show (he lives next door to the theater) tonight… and I said he is welcome to join me if he likes, but I only have one ticket… I can’t help but wondering: even if he didn’t want to join me for the show, couldn’t he see me for dinner/whatever before or after?? since it’s right at his place ERRR”

    this is super-laden with Expectation, Pressure, & Forward-Leaning Energy



  83.  #83lk on March 26, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    @HW

    i don’t really need HELP ! ?! ! HELP! !!!!! HELP !!!!

    i just really really really really really really really want people to check out this amazing piece about depression & emotional health:

    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

    this blogger is very funny, but she is remarkably adept at making huge themes accessible & encouraging self-reflection



  84.  #84Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Jilly,

    Your story feels so happy and inspiring!

    So you don’t feel that you hit 2 months withdrawing mark yet? From either side? I apologize if I am sounding, well, sad (now after reading LK’s thing I feel smiley even to use this word) , I don’t mean to, I just started wondering about this in my own story and our new relationships have similar timelines, hence asking you this.



  85.  #85lk on March 26, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I’m telling the universe, I Feel Ready !!!!! : ))) i’m so so ready ! I’m all ready, with all my Things crossed off my List………. years ? ok, but i’m ready for the next Thing, even if it’s Years for the other thing & the other thing.



  86.  #86Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Thank you girls, Emoticon ans LK.

    I know he doesn’t have to.. but he almost suggested that we go together, why would he stop at that? And not tell me ‘I am not going tonight, have fun’?



  87.  #87Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    @lk #19

    Wow — what a wonderful adventure you have with the new car. I feel envious … its always a great thing to have a shiny new toy — I just don’t feel envy for the rent. I LOL’d when you said it was large enough to live out of == that was one of my secret quests too for when things got really bad — to at least have a car that I could stay in for ‘the worst case scenario”. Alas, now I have no car at all 🙁 Not even a tonka toy car *ha*.

    Congratulations 😀



  88.  #88lk on March 26, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    @memulo

    lol sorry if i sounded sassy. i’m just imagining how different the scenario would feel to you if you had gone to the show alone & then gone to get a drink alone…. & just enjoyed your evening, even with the knowledge of his proximity… & maybe even txtd the next day, “felt a little naughty last night, sneaking around your neighborhood all alone… looking like an absolute vixen ; )” ………………



  89.  #89lk on March 26, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    LOL @Memulo

    but you should TOTALLY still send that tonight:

    “i felt a little naughty tonight, sneaking around your neighborhood all alone… looking like an absolute vixen ; )”

    only… i say send it when you’re home, in-bed, makeup removed !!! LOL because otherwise i’m sure you’ll be tempted to take him up on what will definitely be an amorous clamoring for your company : )



  90.  #90lk on March 26, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    @Lush_Oasis

    LOL… catch-22, eh ?

    i needed a Car to keep my Job…… now i need my Job so I can keep my Car !!! lol makes me feel sick to my tummy : ( oh well, such is capitalism.



  91.  #91Starla on March 26, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    so far cf and i are at we will definitely see each other every weekend.

    i actually want more than this, and feel really angry that he isn’t suggesting ways we can always see each other regularly!

    and i am pmsing and i don’t even want to see him tonight! cuz he’ll try to kiss me and actually i don’t want to kiss him or spend time with his mother or any of that if he is a man who only wants to spend one day a week with me, and not as much time as possible.

    and he’s not doing any problem solving here

    and i feel like our relationship is ending:(



  92.  #92Starla on March 26, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    thank you everyone for asking:) that feels so sweet.



  93.  #93Coco Kisses on March 26, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    @ feminine woman I feel a little bit judged when I read ur reply and it triggered anger in me…my husband ws looking out for his own best interest, I realize this. However when that is one of the problems in our marriage. He was always looking out for his OWN best interest. He did not help me pay the bills.He wanted me to pay for him every other time we went out to dinner. During this recission when he got laid off and was without a job, I help support the family, and encouraged him to go back to school…which he did. Even when he got a job after being w/o one for 3 years, he found excuse after excuse not to help out financially, and I just found out that he has over 4,000 dollars in his savings account. He knows that I am still paying for everything in my house, the house we shared when were together, and yes he did try to manipulate me into paying for half of the divorce, and it made me feel angry and hurt. I did not tell him this however, what I did tell him was that, I felt uncomfortable paying for the divorce when I don’t want it. I was very open and authentic when we had that conversation, and he knows not to ask me again about paying for half of the divorce..it is OK to to look out for yourself, but it is not OK to be selfish and manipulative….I wrote the previous post just to vent my frustrations in a more angry/ masculine energy way since I am trying not to express myself like that with men. I have learned lessons from this situation mainly that of over functioning and not speaking up or setting boundaries. I was very proud of how I handled my husband, and I made sure he felt respected when he left…even though he still tried me.



  94.  #94Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    LK,

    Thank you, yes that is funny! 😉 Not sure I will text him, I don’t like to initiate. Yes, I will dress up and go by myself, my friends were super kind to give me exactly what would make me happy, so I AM going to enjoy it!!

    Actually I suspect there may be people I know in the audience, so I may hang out with them and THEN tell him about my night out next time I talk to him lol. It’s actually better this way, because with him if I wanted to spend time with my friends it’d be different, I probably just wouldn’t have.



  95.  #95Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Memulo…thank you!! 🙂 I feel happy and inspired lol

    but seriously…he is an amazing man. He texts me good morning every single morning and then in the evening (this is when he is away) and he makes plans in advance so I’m never wondering if/when we are going to see each other….this creates peace for me. So all I have room for is to feel safe, adored, loved, taken care of and excited for when he comes home. When he is home there is never a doubt what he’s feeling because he is always touching me and making plans for us… and the physical intimacy is amazing. Just being near him gives me butterflies. 🙂

    yes…this is the man of my dreams 🙂 there is no part that I wish was better…yum! I know it sounds too good to be true or something but it is really how I feel. I have dated so much and I always wanted this feeling. With 99% there seemed to be something missing.

    but I don’t tell him that lol …I just stay open warm receptive and expressive and he loves it. He knows I have my own life going on and he likes that. It just fits!

    Memulo I wish this for you and cd

    I wish this for all sirens 🙂



  96.  #96Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    @Memulo #85

    Hi! *wave* I’m just typing out loud, so forgive me if my post is too disconnected or too upsetting. I’ve had similar experiences to yours — where the guy just poofs after seeming excited about XYZ, etc.

    Guys genuinely wish to please their female partner. Guys genuinely have a fear of rejection. Guys ultimately want to have happy energy around them and not the grumpy, sad, drama queen date.

    Although I feel a lot of pressure was built in to your message to him about having the ticket, etc. etc. etc. there is also *a lot* of anxious expectation in waiting for him to reply and sweep you off your feet as you’ve always dreamed {again — I’m not trying to be blamey with all the ‘you’s’, I just haven’t figured out a way to write it without using the word ‘you’ 🙂 ).

    As other Sirens already mentioned — SmartCD has absolutely no obligation to do anything about this; the expectation was created in your head; your vision; your desires. And, sadly, I would have reacted identically to how you have — duh — SmartCD lives right next door to the theater! :-p

    He left the door open so that he didn’t flat-out reject you or your offer. He remains available to you so that you can lick your wounds and return without being shamed (he didn’t do anything or say anything wrong, really). And, he hasn’t ignored you.

    I wonder if there are other ways to mention this subject to a CD. (I mention this because it might come up again in the future, right?). I’ve read somewhere that maybe — giving the masculine energy back to him — saying something (anything) to the effect that, “XYZ is playing at that theater. I feel so interested in seeing what it is about, if its any good, who’s in it, etc. I have one ticket that someone gave to me, but I feel weird going alone. What do you think?” — or — “hey; I just heard that XYZ was playing at that theater. I always feel excited / moved / thrileld / etc. to hear them. What do you think?”

    Basically, what I had read from wherever it was, is that this puts the man back in charge of planning an evening out. He gets to decide if / when to go to the theater and to figure out about dinner, etc.

    I feel concerned that I botched the examples from what I had read [it was a while ago] but it made sense when I read it. Essentially — don’t overfunction by running up to your guy saying ‘look look look … I just got tickets for US to go to the theater….’ and you don’t overfunction because you don’t have any expectations of the outcome. If he goes, he goes; if he stays home; you go without him or you stay home too.

    Fascinating, Memulo. I totally feel embarassed for admitting that this all used to be me in the past. Wow — overfunction much! Eeek! And, here I thought I was being helpful by telling CD that I got tickets or that I know when XYZ band will be in town, where, and how much, etc.

    Ugh .. I almost feel nauseaus thinking about all that now. I’d much rather enjoy the show alone if I could have at the time.

    Has your family gone home already? I hope all went well. Stay strong. 🙂



  97.  #97Daria on March 26, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    coco kisses – i feel moved and almost crying reading your post here. you sound like such a beautiful hearted woman and you will have the wonderful love u deserve



  98.  #98Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Starla,

    Your relationship feels strong and solid to me, I suggest to take FW’s advice and rewrite the story of your life 😉

    It can be just an omission on his part not to say how many times a week he will see you since your email was mostly about weekends I guess? On the other hand how can you start planning 2-3-4-XX times a week, it sounds a bit weird. He responded to your request positively, now we can take it from there? About tonight I am not quite sure, I find myself in a similar situation. But I guess an FM around making firm plans and keeping them would bring him back on track (talking about CF here).



  99.  #99Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    @lk #87 … #88

    LOL! “I felt like a vixen stalking your neighboorhood all alone … ” Wow — what a great, fun, flirty, super high self-esteem statement to use. Wonder how a CD would translate that…. 🙂



  100.  #100Daria on March 26, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    lk – yhank you for sharing. i felt inspired and rerealized that thats the way for me too, in the way i touch myself



  101.  #101Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    coco kisses…I don’t want to add to the energy here…but I feel good seeing you feel angry. Geez!!!! I would feel furious for days if I was married to someone like that. I feel hopeful that you are seeing him for who he is.

    I feel nervous posting things like this that could be more triggering

    but you sound like just an amazing beautiful woman!! 🙂



  102.  #102Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    @Starla #90

    hmm. I feel bad to read the upset messages about CF. I always looked up to your posts as one of the knight-in-shining-armor fairy tales.

    I don’t recall if you ever shared why CF chose to move an hour away; was it to be closer to work?

    After 9 months, and the verbal / emotional support that seems to be extremely well-grounded in your relationship, I’m wondering if some strong feeling messages can be discussed? CF seems very understanding and receptive; he may just be concerned about coming on too strong, too soon. I don’t know the dynamics there, though and am only typng out loud. Sorry if its coming across the wrong way.

    Actually, the statements you mention in your post might be good starting points for feeling speech to him … about wanting more than just a weekend fling ??? And, I often forget about the statment that is in this topic too … “Is there something I should know?” When I don’t forget it and actually use it (properly and without being emotionally invested in the outcome of the answer) … usually the guy was doing what he does because thats all he knew what to do and thought that is what I wanted too.

    Oh li’l boys … always trying to please – but sometimes too proud to ask. 😀 Good luck. {{Starla}}



  103.  #103Daria on March 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    ooooh and now i re rememberrd my female deer chi gong !!!

    yay

    !

    i feel excited to touch myself now instead of frustrated and jaded and blamy and powerless and stuck waiting



  104.  #104LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Obsession is what led me to become a siren! I felt this story just reading it



  105.  #105LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Just wanted to share this:

    These aren’t the most profound things you can do to make your home feel more serene and organized, but they’re steps you can take fairly quickly.

    1. Be wary of bargains, sales, hand-me-downs, and give-aways. Do you really need this thing? Or love it? Beware: because of the “endowment effect,” we value things more once we own them. Once that thing enters your home, it will be tough to get it out again.

    2. Never label anything “Miscellaneous.”

    3. Remember: most decisions don’t require extensive research. Aim to be a satificer, not a maximizer.

    4. Don’t let yourself fall into “empty.” Keep cash in the house. Keep gas in your tank. Keep an extra roll of toilet paper squirreled away. Keep your phone charged.

    5. Don’t keep excessive amounts of anything. Those glass vases that come from florists. Those ketchup packets that come with take-out food. A house with two adults probably doesn’t need fifteen mismatched souvenir coffee cups.

    6. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Lower the bar. Actually spending ten minutes clearing off one shelf is better than fantasizing about spending a weekend cleaning out the basement.

    7. Clean while you cook (literally and metaphorically).

    8. Put things away in a specific place. It’s much easier to find things later, and it’s oddly satisfying to slot things into their precise places. “Ah, this particular basket on this shelf is the place for the AAA batteries.”

    9. Make your bed. I know it sounds trivial, but it’s a bigger happiness booster than you’d expect.

    Gretchen Rubin is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller, The Happiness Project—an account of the year she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier. On her popular blog, The Happiness Project, she reports on her daily adventures in the pursuit of happiness.



  106.  #106Starla on March 26, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I don’t necessarily want firm plans. though it is nice for the weekends:)

    actually i want him to bring his stuff to my house and hang out at night, doing our own things.

    i just want him around=/

    and i think i’m sending him on a wild goose chase trying to interpret the various things i’ve told him about wanting plans

    but then i just wonder…doesn’t he just want to see me? isn’t that the bottom line?



  107.  #107Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Lush_Oasis,

    Thank you so much, #95 was really helpful! I feel kind of surprised the suggestion of the vixen text from two sirens now! I feel that ANY initiation on my part after he almost sounded like we may go together, but today did not get back to me with either (yes/no) message is fundamentally wrong.

    I apologize, I am not trying to diminish LK’s kind suggestion at all. Just for me the neighborhood is the place where my favorite theater in the city is, and he who I’ve known for 2 months, happens to live there. I would feel bad using ‘…stalking your neighborhood all alone’ line, it would feel needy and clingy to me and just plain not the way I feel. does it make sense? Is there anything wrong with me for not seeing the fun of sending this before he even contacts me??



  108.  #108Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Jilly,

    Thank you for answering and I feel sooo happy for you and thank you for your wonderful wishes!! Working on it girl 😉



  109.  #109Coco Kisses on March 26, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    I appreciate all of u, I even appreciated feeling angry….it feels great to feel….I’ve held back so many feelings for o long, they are all coming back to the surface. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Please don’t feel hesitant to be honest with me about anything I post….every bit helps to grow



  110.  #110LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Using my facebook timeline as a vision board!!! Just limit particular to post to “only me.” This feels good and I need to feel this happy right now



  111.  #111Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Well while I’m at it..

    Starla…I feel frustrated for you. I would want more after 8 or 9 months. I would be wanting to talk about marriage or feel like and *know that we are moving more and more in that direction. So I think what you are feeling is valid …

    this is NOT the same…

    but in a few of my relationships, 2 to be exact. One was 3 years (pre Rori) and I said ok I am ready to get married. He said he wasn’t. I said I’m done then (we were already living together). It took him about 1 week to feel ready to be married. But something had already changed for me. We got engaged anyway and it took me 8 months to break it off.

    then with pipeliner…I was ready to marry him from the get go. After 4 months of “having fun and dating” I let him know that I had been dating someone else and we were going to be exclusive (hot pilot). It took him a few days to figure out that I was the one for him and he pursued me hard for another few months but something had changed for me. I couldn’t say yes.

    Looking back I couldn’t feel happier about the outcome!



  112.  #112Starla on March 26, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Jilly, we talked about the future, and he said he wants to spend forever with me.

    this is before he moved, which was over a month ago.

    laaaaaaame



  113.  #113Daria on March 26, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    oh ive shifted wow thank u. i love this blog.

    ((((blog))))



  114.  #114Starla on March 26, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Also, Jilly, I do fear that I will break things off and he will come running, and then it will be too late for me.

    I want a man that doesn’t have to struggle to know I am for him.

    I don’t want to play games like that.



  115.  #115Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Starla,

    ‘but then i just wonder…doesn’t he just want to see me? isn’t that the bottom line?’

    Yes, that’s how I feel too right now. But sometimes you just need to notice things to know where you are at to make the right decision about your life (talking purely about myself here).

    I still do think that CF cares deeply about you.



  116.  #116Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Starla…totally! I agree…I want a man who knows

    I want a man who knows without me having to cut things off…now that I’ve written it I think that is what did change for me…WOW…I feel a break through about this right now…I always wondered why…



  117.  #117Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    i love this blog too

    that’s cute lol

    (((((blog)))))



  118.  #118Starla on March 26, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    honestly i just think he’s strapped for time and money, and is embarrassed to say anything or bring attention to the fact that he’s letting me down by not seeing me more, but then i feel really unwanted and unimportant and concerned that this is a poor investment of my heart. i know i’m not supposed to be invested, but after 8-9 months, i can’t help it, and that’s okay:)



  119.  #119Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    So how do you know what you want to be when you grow up? I’ve gotten my vision board, my wish list, my mediation mantras, my daily belief statements and toss it all out there and leave the details to the world to figure out. But — its been over a year and I’ve gotten a mish-mash of things. Ugh.

    Is my life so extremely messed up that the universe doesn’t know where to even begin to bring things as I desire — the relationship; the finances in order; the house; the car; the career; etc.?

    Intuits and psychics — I believe there are some of you playing on the blog. Are there any feel-good posts / requests that I ought to use for the “universe wish list”?

    Am I trying to get too many things in line all at the same time? Oh .. I just don’t get it.

    Jilly mentioned that she specified an exact calendar date for her to have a new relationship. I feel very leary of assigning dates to my desires — I just express what I believe is needed at this moment. Maybe I ought to say “NOW”, too? 😀 Hmm.



  120.  #120GingerSky on March 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    #13 light heart, excellent post! Thank you. I agree with this, and reading it felt like I saw more into myself in this moment & how I was holding my body & mind in a posture of “rightness”… the insecurity it brings, how that posture leads me to give off vibes of that nature to others… so I let go… and now I feel so fluid as I’m about to go into a meeting… aah.



  121.  #121lk on March 26, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    ok…. so… i just really keep coming back to this issue. it’s very much perturbing me.

    a) have a neighbor who is (very slightly) dismissive of me & (slightly) pursuant of CD; she & her husband have a (fairly) poor marriage.

    b) CD accepts plans for me & him to hang out with them

    c) i’m getting flipping annoyed by her

    d) CD kind of thinks it’s important… but not really because he’s Not Attracted to her & because we don’t see them very much.

    HOWEVER: i want to know that my partner will make my comfort a priority; i don’t want to wait until something Outrageous happens; i don’t want Drama in my relationship & i believe Drama is contagious; i don’t want to feel uncomfortable watching another woman Seek Attention or Validation from My Partner

    i’m not psycho-jealous either! i feel pretty healthy in that regard right now.



  122.  #122Starla on March 26, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    (((((((((lk))))))))



  123.  #123lk on March 26, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    btw it’s the PRINCIPLE – it’s the Boundary that is important – not the actual example of the neighbor… which is why it’s irrelevant whether or not he’s Attracted to her



  124.  #124lk on March 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    & also, on Friday, CD told me that he’d mentioned to the Husband how busy we are & that we can’t hang out very much… but they still came over Saturday morning while i was out…



  125.  #125GingerSky on March 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    #71 lk I downloaded your depresssion link to my Kindle for reading later 🙂 Alas, I don’t have time to be on here today after all… I’m only sneaking a moment bc our meeting is starting late. Glad to see you all here today!



  126.  #126Senior Lady Vibe on March 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    @130: Emerson says:
    :blush:
    Friday, 23 March 2012 @ 10:13pm

    Try this one too ==>
    : oops : = 😳



  127.  #127Senior Lady Vibe on March 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Hello @Zara

    Some mornings I think of you when I have mirabelle jam and baguette…
    😀



  128.  #128GingerSky on March 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    #118 Lush Oasis You are SO on my mind/heart again today. I just saw a link online I haven’t even looked at, but I’m gonna go try & fetch it & post it here, as you might like it. Things are going to get better for you I feel sure. You’re on the track of asking the Qs that will lead you out, but I wanna suggest that you maybe shouldn’t try too hard, or analyze or strategize too much… just find something, anything, that feels good to do, & just get on that vibe if you can. Hopefully I’ll be back with that link, if our meeting doesn’t start in a minute. I wanna spend more time talking & sharing with you soon.



  129.  #129Daria on March 26, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Omg I jus realized hOw I was able to have sex before without adequate foreplay or emotional connection…. I was DRUNK!

    Yup everytime!

    Oh my God!



  130.  #130lk on March 26, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    i’m feeling so weird about something… is now a good time to talk ? ……. actually, i feel so strange bringing this up again… but i felt bad the last time we talked & i still feel weird about it….. i feel pretty uncomfortable around the neighbors…. i feel weird watching another woman Seek Attention or Validation from my Partner… & i feel weird hearing partners complain about each other…… & i don’t want to have that tone or habit in my relationship…. & i don’t want to “Catch Drama” from spending time with other people……………… i do feel very open to hanging out with them a few more times…. but i would feel so happy & safe knowing that our relationship & our boundaries are respected by anyone that we call “Friends.” what do you think ?



  131.  #131GingerSky on March 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    #128 Daria, that’s an awesome domino to have falling into place in your awareness imo. Well done. Wow… so good, clarity… revelation.



  132.  #132Senior Lady Vibe on March 26, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    @104: LoveAlways says:
    “…Just wanted to share this:
    Once that thing enters your home, it will be tough to get it out again…”

    Yes, including men, including into our hearts…including into our imaginations…



  133.  #133lk on March 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    i’m curious if humans think my Fixation on this is just OCD… because no one seems to think anything of this situation…. & i do know that CD has taken steps to limit contact with the Woman (e.g. hang out only with Husband), so… i’m not really sure what i want him to do. nothing, i guess : ) just listen to my feelings ?

    hmmmmmm… why do i need *him* to do anything ? because he is a New Partner & i want to make sure we can figure out Comfortable Boundaries !!! um, duh !



  134.  #134Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Lush Oasis 🙂 I did assign a date but it was more in a joking manner than anything lol…it came to me and I just put it out there with NO attachment whatsoever. Infact I really only told my mom…and every so often she would sweetly remind me…she is so excited about me getting married and having babies 🙂

    I just kept cding…going on as usual…

    but my advice for you is to get happy NOW…with everything 🙂 and the universe isn’t confused at all…you’re just not matching up with what you say you want..but it’s all there…that’s all I do…I think of something and let myself get excited about it and let the universe bring it about.

    I work closely with a lot of deliberate creators over at goodvibeuniversity.com, …you might want to check out that blog…it’s my other favorite place to play 🙂



  135.  #135Starla on March 26, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    lk your speech to CD about the neighbors feels amazing and unblamey…can you write me a speech about CF spending lots and lots of time with me? lol, actually i’m kinda serious.



  136.  #136Senior Lady Vibe on March 26, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    @110: Jilly

    😀



  137.  #137Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    lk…I think that’s great that you are noticing how drama is contagious and that it feels bad when other partners complain about each other.

    and your partner seems like he would be more than willing to listen and care for your feelings around this. and that feels cozy…going over to the neighbors knowing and feeling that you two are totally connected 🙂



  138.  #138Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    SLV 🙂 I was just feeling smiley seeing you here 🙂



  139.  #139GingerSky on March 26, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Lush Oasis, that link was one that was spammed to my gingersky email, & it was a big sales pitch for webinars & books etc, that gave no info except a tease (kind of how life feels sometimes when you’re stuck?). BUT the theme of it was good imo: How our life is created by our brainwaves.

    What I know of this idea is something Rori speaks to a lot in relation to life & relationship. If we run energy of fear, hopelessness, & discouragement, etc, we’ll create dead yummy experiences. I have a serious faith-connection in my spiritual life, which pulls me out of a hike, but boy do I know what holes are like. However you do it, I encourage you to start by sitting with the feeling you are having, notice what your body feels like (Daria is *very* good at this). Oops gotta go, meeting time here. Lead yourself from *where you are* to one baby step of a better feeling. More later. Look fir Rori’s older blogs from the archives here or lists on this…?! Much love to you.



  140.  #140lk on March 26, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    thanks, starla & jilly : )

    i feel scared… because it’s so “typical” for the woman to get Jealous o_0 so i feel afraid of not being taken seriously… but that’s an Old Pattern : ) & i don’t want to feel afraid to express my truths…… hm



  141.  #141Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    (((lk))) …you are following your feelings… and being authentic and vulnerable is so attractive and it’s you voting for you… and him 🙂 but it’s ok to feel afraid too



  142.  #142lk on March 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    lol @ starla… hmmmm….. i feel weird bringing this up right now, since i know we pretty much just talked about it…. & i want to just enjoy your presence when you’re near….. but…. it feels so much easier to relax & soak up your energy when i don’t have to wait so long for it…. & i get to feeling hungry for you during the week… & then my hunger pains make me feel grumpy !! & i don’t ever want to feel grumpy when i think about you because i really think you’re wonderful & i feel so amazing & safe when i’m with you….. & i feel so excited to date you & spend time with you…. i’d just feel so much better if you were more Normal for me…. like… sitting on the couch reading a magazine sometimes… or…. me taking a nap while you correct papers….. i know you’re busy & i don’t want to put a bunch of pressure on you…. it would just feel so amazing to see you sometimes between our weekly weekend dates…. just to relax & share the Daily… what do you think ?



  143.  #143Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    about my post #133…I want to add a little more….

    Rori talks about the soup…how happiness is right up against anger or sadness..all together…well when I say get happy now it’s not about being unauthentic or fake it til you make it…that doesn’t really work for me…but it’s about changing the channel to something happier…or something that feels better and better.



  144.  #144Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    @GingerSky #127

    OMG .. I feel so special reading your post to me! Wow … that is an amazing feeling and I thank you for thinking of me. Any help and avenue for self-improvement / learning are always welcome. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Hope your meeting goes well. {{Ginger}}



  145.  #145lk on March 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    @Jilly

    about the cozy thing – that’s so true ! but honestly, it almost makes it worse !!!!! can you believe it ?

    when Neighbor sees us being so healthy & happy… she seems to kind of Tweak Out & become even more attention-starved. it actually feels tragic to watch : ((

    i don’t like feeling this way !



  146.  #146Starla on March 26, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    omg lk
    i need to buy you a beer soon
    thank you for that.
    it’s basically perfect.



  147.  #147Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Ha!! it took me a minute to realize lk was writing that FOR starla and not TO starla…I feel silly!!

    and lk that feels amazing and authentic to read…wow!!



  148.  #148lk on March 26, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    neighbor lady gets super intoxicated nearly every time we hang out with them.

    this just seems like Brewing the Perfect Storm, amiright ? jeeeeeez lol



  149.  #149Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    lk..I would want to stay away then…yuck! she’s giving me slimy feelings all the way over here



  150.  #150lk on March 26, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    @Jilly

    starla & i have a very complicated relationship… but i think there is real potential there, if we can just make more time for each other ; ) lol



  151.  #151Starla on March 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    well jeeez lk maybe i could make more time for you if i wasn’t working 2 jobs to support your 3 babies that aren’t even mine while you perfect you sit at home and perfect your taxidermy hobby…
    gawd, women, all they do is complain…



  152.  #152lk on March 26, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    @Jilly

    yeah, the intoxication part was the main reason that CD says he wants to avoid her.

    i don’t think he believes me that she is seeking attention or “flirting” with him… i don’t think men are very sensitive to being flirted with…

    LOL get this: we went out yesterday for lunch & this gorgeous waitress was vibing with CD the whole time. i thought it was cute, because she was very socially aware & respectful that he & i *might* be a couple… but she asked if we wanted separate checks & then when CD cracked up she said, “friends go to lunch” in a kind of flirty but, “oh, well, just thought I’d ask” way & i thought it was SUPER obvious…. but even though i could tell that it was a positive-feeling social interaction for him, when we left he laughed again about the waitress asking that & said, “wow, she must have been on some bad dates” & when we walked past her when leaving, he was all over me, kissing me & holding me & i just knew she knew & i felt so comfortable & safe with him & with her – because she wasn’t disrespectful !

    however, i think this other girl is actually being disrespectful, even if her intentions are no where near that direction (which I fully intend to assume)

    wow that’s a lot of rambling, but i just mean…

    a) yes, she feels uncomfortable as a socializing partner to me

    & b) i don’t think cd is as sensitive to the dynamic



  153.  #153Starla on March 26, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    man, i suck at being a dude, and also, typos…



  154.  #154Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Hi blog!
    I was able to catch up on the latest on the blog….
    well, all i can say is you all are SUPER inspiring….and very supportive and it feels so good to read your stuff….
    and right now our siren Brenda is cuddling on the couch with her cop…..
    wow!
    it feels amazing to read about all these transformations….

    oh and i did hear back from my crush….
    he texted me asking how my business is going.

    and today i went to the grocery store and I flirted with all the men there, i gave them all 100-watt smiles and i am just having a great time being a siren.

    it feels so good to feel alive and beautiful and not be afraid of someone being jealous of me for it.



  155.  #155lk on March 26, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    LOL @ starla



  156.  #156Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    lk…awww the lunch thing is how all of us want it to go…yay!!!!

    and neighbor lady needs to back off 🙂 or you can talk with cd and keep your space and privately start picturing her as harmless and a good person….and she’ll either fade from your life or the situation will change/transform 🙂

    feel free to ignore if that doesn’t resonate 🙂 and i know you and starla can work it out 😉 that seriously has me cracking up lol



  157.  #157Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    @Jilly #133

    Thanks! I’ve not heard of that site before, but will surely to look in to it. I feel excited to have another potential playground. Wheeeeee…. 😀 😀 😀 Thank you.



  158.  #158Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    Hi!!

    Report about Day 7 of the Challenge of my Life:

    It went incredibly well!

    Guess what how it started? The guy who keeps talking about ATW like 3 times a day quit today! I feel sad that he is leaving as he is a good guy, but it’s like a sign of the Universe that everything’s gonna be alright and that it’s gonna be easier to lean back now… Of course I’m still gonna hear his name once in a while, because he’s still friends with other of my collegues, but I swear this guy was the one talking about him 80% of the time! Wouuuu! I feel released! Lol

    And I focused on my work all day. On lunch time, I had my book with me and just took an hour of reading instead of eating in front of my computer and be bothered by the phone ringing and feeling guilty towards my boss for being on Facebook and not being working (at lunch time!!). Yay, thank you Lizka for taking time to rest for me!

    And at the very end of the day, I had a very good new! I closed a deal!! Ahh I felt euphoric! I was the only one in the office to have a bad month and I was really seeing the month ending with no deals and finally, out of no where, there is one!! And a big one! Yay!!

    So no time to think of ATW and neither to lean forward.

    So now I am feeling very happy and smiley and I wanted to tell someone about my deal but I my best friend (who knows about my bad situation at work) is on vacation and I can’t talk to her. So I thought about texting ATW… but no no! After only 30 seconds I remembered that even if it’s a positive leaning forward, to share my euphoria, it’s still leaning forward and my Challenge says NO NO! So I called my mom instead and the feeling of urgency to share the new went away. YAY!!!!

    And I am still smiling and I remember how ATW was supportive on Saturday when I told him about my work and my situation and my interview at the other place. I remembered that last week I wrote here that I would not tell him about it and that someone (who was it again? Can’t remember?) suggested that I tell him and that a good man would show interest and like he wants to take care of me and try to help. And I just realised today that ATW did it! He was all comprehensive. And even after we closed the subject and talked about something else, he came back a few times to reassured me that everything is gonna be alright and positive and everything. WOW! Maybe he likes me?

    Ahhhh I feel smiley and happy and I am still in the challenge!!! La la la!!!



  159.  #159LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Hi Sirens:

    Responding to last thread and trying to catchup on the blog. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted from this weekend. Thanks sirens for responding to me this weekend. I could not respond, but read your thoughts and suggestions warmly.

    Gingersky #413 I also get a strong response to my feeling messages from CD assertive. This weekend he said I was being negative when I shared my FMs! Held my boundaries anyway and made sure I wasn’t judging him.

    Jilly #394 It felt toxic to me all weekend. Could not shake the feeling. After a while I settled down and relaxed and we had a nice remainder of the weekend, but I’m leaning back/stepping away now that I’m back in my own space. I don’t want to make him feel bad, but I need to take care of me and feel safe emotionally. Yes, it feels toxic. #384 I dated a guy for a few years and we were like bugs in a rug and I didn’t feel smothered by him. I craved that closeness. Not trying to impose that on CD assertive (or am I?), but we cannot spend one-on-one time together for long periods of time like this again . . . I need to step away from him for a while.

    Emoticon #386 The instant relationship feels like a trick question to me. I lean back and give feeling messages and CD, but as soon as we get beyond kissing – BANG – instant relationship. I have to keep my lips to myself with most CDs to avoid this. It doesn’t feel good restricting myself, but I know the instant relationship monster is just around the corner once I do.



  160.  #160Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    @GingerSky #138 and all in general

    Thank you so very much for all your wonderful posts to me and others. I feel heard …. I feel receptive and open to many happy things. I appreciate you and all the Sirens here! {{ blog }} (Thanks, Daria 😀 )



  161.  #161Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Oh and about leaning forward with ATW to tell him my good new, I told myself that I don’t need to do this, as he can feel it in my vibe already. He knows I am happy!



  162.  #162Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    And also, it’s not because I got that good new at work that I am less at risk. And I am not gonna stop to look for a new job. Right now I am feeling happy about my job because I closed this big deal, but it’s not gonna last and I am still at risk and I still have the feeling that this probation is a good thing as it’s gonna help me to move forward in my life and find something better.



  163.  #163LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Yea Lizka!!!



  164.  #164Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Lizka
    You are amazing! That is great! I would have been bursting to tell the news and i would have leaned forward….in fact, today, i already blew it.
    I have no control when crush emails me or texts me, it is like i am on instant response.
    FW said for me to cultivate a witness/observer so then at least I could have an awareness of what i am doing, because he does keep emailing/texting/visiting so he is not uninterested or turned off, it is just that i want to TURN HIM ON!
    And this is why i need the other CD’s to step up so i can practice leaning back on them, since I don’t care about them as much….



  165.  #165Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    @ lk #139

    I find you to be a very strong siren. From what little I have read in your posts — you are able to identify your wants / don’t wants (aka what you’re comfortable with vs. what you aren’t comfortable with). And, I think Rori has a program that touches on the topic about how “your” (used figuratively) guy has too many women friend, how not to be the jealous one. (I know, I feel bad — I totally botched the topic). But … essentially it was about raising your self-esteem and realizing that though your guy may interact with beautiful, strong, powerful women at work (around the neighborhood, at the gym, ____), he still has chosen you as the one he wants to be with.

    No need to be jealous. Mention to him how you feel … ask for him to offer suggestions to resolve the issue … but ultimately understand and realize that he is honoring you (he wants to have “group” outings with the neighborlady; not alone …. he prefers to hang out with the neighbor guy not the lady … he listens to you and your concerns).

    Oh boy … that certainly is a lot easier to write than practice and believe — but, as an outsider on your situation, I do believe your guy is doing all that he can to respect & honor you while not coming across as a bigoted flip to the neighbors.

    Stay strong {{ lk }}



  166.  #166Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    But Healing Waterfall, it’s ok to respond when he emails you or text, no? It’s not blowing up…. When ATW will text me I will certainly answer! I want to stay warm and open.



  167.  #167Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    And Dicaprio had a Facebook status about a trip or something and I “liked” it. But I immediately thought no, this is leaning forward, so I “unliked” it right away. I don’t think he will have have time to see it. 🙂 Even if it’s a small lean forward, and even if I don’t really care about Dicaprio, it’s NO LEANING FORWARD CHALLENGE!

    I’m proud of you Miss Lizka.



  168.  #168LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Senior Vibe Lady
    #131
    Thank you!!! I feel that so seriously!!



  169.  #169Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    @Lizka #157

    Congratulations … I’m sure that closed deal feels amazing! Way to go !!! Sorry to read that your co-worker quit; but it may be a relief [as you say] since that co-worker was always mentioning ATW more than the other office workers. Phew … busy day for you. 😀



  170.  #170Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    oh i just have to jump in on the lk debate over the neighbor….
    i definitely feel that lk is not in danger from this lady with her man, but there is something about the vibe of her and their unhappy relationship that if I were in her shoes, I would not want to make plans with this couple.
    And i feel like the issue is that she makes her feel uncomfortable because the neighbor lady does not respect her. This is not an easy situation. I agree that Lush Oasis has a good coping strategy to pray for her and see the good in her, but if this does not work after a few times, it just might be better to not hang out with them….



  171.  #171Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Oh yeah Lush Oasis, this co-worker was not only mentioning him, but always going for drinks with him and coming back on Monday and commenting how ATW is a cool guy, and how girls are crazy about him, and blah blah blah. You know, things that are not helping to lean back. 🙂



  172.  #172Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Thanks Lizka for the vote of confidence, I already got it worked out with FW earlier, but he emailed me back about a tax issue and I had to talk about how much I wanted a hug….
    so it’s ok, i was just being authentic and in the moment, but it felt vulnerable to me, since there is still this murkiness between us and i just have to view this all as practice and experimenting….
    i know it would feel better if he said he wanted the hug and then i reciprocated.
    so tomorrow i will try again.
    I will pray for greater awareness and restraint tomorrow and for excellent single minded focus on creating the business of my dreams.



  173.  #173Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    @Lizka 170

    Wow. Sounds like the co-worker was really in to singing the praises of ATW all the time. I feel bad that you had to endure that — a lot. Here’s to some peaceful and relaxing moments (as it can be at work, anyway). Good job on the leaning back challenge. 😀



  174.  #174Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Oh sorry HW, I didn’t read about it on the blog as I didn’t had time to read all the blog. I still don’t think it’s a super bad thing. But know you know and you leaned and I’m sure you’ll be better next time.

    You know, when ATW drove me home after our beautiful date on Saturday, he kissed my cheeks to say good bye like we do in our culture (I don’t know if people do that everywhere in the world, I know English canadian don’t do it so this is why I felt like explaining “in my culture”), and I leaned forward and said “we will never kiss again?” (arrrggg stupid innocent question) and I felt so regretful and this is why I was feeling so bad yesterday. But now that I think of it, I think it was just one tiny small bad move in the middle of a perfect date where I was ultra-sireny… So who cares?



  175.  #175Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Thank you Lush Oasis!

    Yes, I’m very proud of my challenge. Been one week already and NO mistake!



  176.  #176Queenbee on March 26, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Yay Jilly!!! #94, I feel so happy for you!! Yay!! 🙂 🙂



  177.  #177LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    I offer you peace
    I offer you love
    I offer you friendship
    I see your beauty
    I hear your need
    I feel your feelings
    My wisdom flows from
    the Highest source
    I salute that source in you
    Let us work together
    For unity and love

    Gandhi



  178.  #178LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    Ok sirens, I’m about to get graphic for a moment. CD assertive keeps asking me for menage a trois when we sleep together. He has a very different (odd) appetite, and while I’ve indulged what I feel comfortable doing, I’ve given him feeling messages about not feeling the need to do these things to be satisfied. In the end I said that I feel we are incompatible. I know it was not a good feeling message, but I had to speak my truth. And in the long run, I don’t want to feel pressure in the bedroom. I’ve been there and done all that I know what I like now. It seems I have the perfect man, good job, very affectionate, says he’s in love with me and wants to get married, and I just keep feeling things wrong about us 🙁



  179.  #179Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    (((((LoveAlways))))))

    I liked how you used your fm’s with him and how you are objective about it….
    have you asked him why he wants a menage a trois?



  180.  #180Queenbee on March 26, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    I have decided! I will make a priority of completing my online profile and seeing what/who shows up.

    I’ll do this before I do any other work, so that I don’t make an excuse that I have so much work to do and I’ll do it after.

    OMG, I’ve just realized my statement for being emotionally unavailable is ‘how much work I have’. OMG, lol, I had no idea this was showing up everywhere…

    Good one 🙂

    xoxo



  181.  #181LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Healing Waterfall

    No, I didn’t ask him why. It’s at a rather heightened moment when he asks, so I choose not to revisit the request. My NVs say I’m not enough for him, but I feel nothing or no one is ever actually going to be enough for him but himself.



  182.  #182LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Last night was very hot between us, and whenever I really get into things and let go and get sexy he gets really turned on asks me if I would do this or that. It makes me feel shut down after that, so I don’t ask why.



  183.  #183Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    I think that if I always had a good book to read, I would never feel lonely and never want to lean forward.

    Good thing to know. Starting now I will always carry a book in my purse… I’ll need a bigger purse though… Time to go shopping!



  184.  #184Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    wow, LoveAlways, this sounds workable to me…..but what do the other sirens think?
    I feel like if you really sat up and got off the bed and showed him how it feels, how you feel so sad, you just opened up and totally melted with him, that this makes you so happy, and now you feel icky or something, he might reconsider….



  185.  #185Healing Waterfall on March 26, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    LoveAlways,
    also do you know if he watches porn? sorry to ask you such personal questions, but i was briefly involved with a man who had prostate cancer and needed porn to actually have an “O”, but i think the porn messed with him and he was unable to actually relate to the flesh and blood reality and needed the fantasy of porn….



  186.  #186Jilly on March 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Queenbee…Thank you!!! 🙂 yay 🙂 Good to see you here!



  187.  #187Turquoise on March 26, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Oh sirens….lol, I can’t believe I did this today. This morning I sent a text to C, and then I got one from Ohio CD, and I sent my reply to him to C! He was saying he understood if I wanted someone who lived closer, and I replied…..

    The distance doesn’t bother me. I’d rather meet the right person than limit myself by distance.

    I didn’t realize right away…. but ugh, I told him I was going to start dating, but I sure didn’t want to put my conversation right out there for him. I replied, oops… ignore my last message.

    I retyped it to OhioCD who agreed with me, felt the same way. We texted a lot through the day, was nice getting to know more about him. He wants to go on a cruise and made some jokes/comments about how if things go well between us, how much fun we’d have.

    I didn’t hear back from C til much later, but all he replied was

    Ha, no problem 😉

    Which, felt a little bad. Glad he’s not mad, but wasn’t expecting him to give me a wink about it. I asked how is trip was, he said ok and was going to take a nap, so that was the end of that.

    OhioCD asked if I’d like to talk again tonight and I said sure, so he called and we talked for an hour and have a lot in common. He hasn’t asked to meet me yet, but keeps talking about the cruise, etc. so I know he wants to. I had to end the conversation to get the girls ready for bed. I would rather meet someone before spending too much time on the phone, I can get attached just through phone calls, and then be disappointed, when we meet and I’m not interested/attracted. But it’s more than looks right? I should give it a few dates right? I’m quick to judge.

    There are a couple other guys I’m emailing with on POF, but none that I’m feeling too drawn to.

    But, we’ll see who steps up!!



  188.  #188LoveAlways on March 26, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    Healing Waterfall

    No, he doesn’t (I invited him to). He has a similar approach as you described and is very sensitive to my feelings most times. I just don’t want to bring up the conversation because he can get very demanding in the bedroom and I don’t want to go down that road. The mighty she lion meows under the pillow . . .



  189.  #189Turquoise on March 26, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    Oh, and by the way…. today would have been my 18th anniversary of being with C. Sigh.



  190.  #190Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Turquoise, Im happy to see that you are Cdating. 🙂

    xoxo



  191.  #191Lizka on March 26, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Day 7 is over. Tomorrow I’m starting the second week of my challenge. Ahh I’m feeling so excited!

    Good night sirens!



  192.  #192Sun Goddess on March 26, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Hello Sirens!

    I’m back from PA. It was a whirlwind of a trip, and I am super glad to be back to my sunshine and away from the gloomy gray! I missed sharing and hearing from you all.



  193.  #193Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    @Turquoise #188, et. al.

    {{ Turquoise }} happy anniversary day to celebrate you just being you! 😀 You are a true siren in so many ways: how you handled the text slip up from earlier in the day between your CD in Ohio and C. Phew … true Siren.



  194.  #194siren song on March 26, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Hey sirens,

    I just wanted to report that i’ve been ultra-sireny over the past couple of days…no leaning forward (except once, when i didn’t care) and tonnes of FMs, even when i felt scared to share them.

    Eek!/yay!



  195.  #195Turquoise on March 26, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Thanks Lizka! I’m trying! You are doing so good too… way to go on a week of leaning back!



  196.  #196Turquoise on March 26, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Thank you lush. I appreciate the vote of confidence. I really wasn’t sure what to say when I realized my slip… but I didn’t want to just leave it out there to be confused like it was for him.



  197.  #197Lush_Oasis on March 26, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    @LoveAlways #177

    I feel your confusion on the menage a trois. Naturally, I can only relate that situation to my life’s experiences and feel uncomfortable with such a predicament. I have had conversations with CDs about the topic (specifically and in general) and usually, once the topic was brought up about adding additional people to the bedroom, it became a gender-biased conversation. I am not comfortable with any additional people in the bedroom, but during one of the conversations with a CD, I felt bold (I suppose) and said something to the effect that if he was okay with having more than just myself and he in the room, and he desired to add another female to the festivities of the night; then I have just as much right and pleasure to add another male to the events, too.

    Ironically, for this CD, he totally was not accepting of adding an extra male to the equation — just the female. I didn’t feel pleased with adding any of them. In any event — the conversations, requests, and pressure of adding the third person came to an end shortly after leveling the playing field (as it were).

    For what its worth – maybe there’s something in that story that may give you hope or inspiration to do whatever is the right thing for you in your situation. Good luck 🙂



  198.  #198LiliBee on March 26, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    7:

    Speaking of that “you don’t have to tell a man anything”…

    My new cd said that he saw on FB that my change in status to single was very recent.
    He asked if it was all resolved and if I am really ready to move on.
    I don’t know what to answer.

    D is coming on strong. He is offering everything I’ve been wanting for the past year. Things I’ve been secretely wanting but never even hinted at.
    He spoke to his neighbourlady and she said she would speak to me again.
    He got his house evaluated already, to sell and start fresh w me in our own house.
    I’m still waiting for him to get his therapy well under way.

    So what do I say to the new cd? He asked me late last Thursday night, and I have yet to answer.

    I spent the weekend dating D.
    D knows that I have a profile on an online dating site.
    He knows I want to keep my options open…and he’s doing his darn best to crowd them all out.
    He invited me over for supper after work today and I declined.
    He showed up by surprise at my door tonight (probably to see if I was alone or even home).
    I had a craving for chocolate cake, and he ran out to go get one at the store.
    There’s nothing he won’t do for me.

    But what do I tell the new cd if I want to keep my options open? without lying?…absolutely no lying from me!
    Help!



  199.  #199LiliBee on March 26, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Btw, my new cd says I seem to have a ‘joy of life’.

    Wow, is that my new vibe? No one has ever said that to me before.



  200.  #200Femininewoman on March 26, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Lilibee I was brave enough to say that any man who gets me will wake feeling like he is the happiest man alive because I know I have a lot to offer. As such I am in no hurry to jump in with two feet into a relationship. I am taking my time and want to keep my options open. That particular guy kept trying until he felt like he was not good enough for me. He eventually poofed but I did not bat an eyelid. I have better offers.



  201.  #201LiliBee on March 26, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    D took me shopping. That’s when he ‘gets’ me good.
    He’s attentive and patient.
    Indulges me looking at all the pretty coloured lipsticks and tells me if he thinks the colour suits me or not.
    He waits patiently while I try on clothes and is all excited to see me come out to show him.
    We clown around and have laughs and giggles in the store aisles.

    We laughed for half an hour in the car at something funny that happened.

    Ouufff, he’s the only man I’ve ever enjoyed shopping with.

    I’m still on my guard with him. That wall wants to come back up…instead of just trusting my boundaries.



  202.  #202LiliBee on March 26, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    I noticed that when I laughed spontaneously, he stopped and looked at me, grabbed me and hugged me.
    I never got that reaction from him before.
    Then I noticed that I rarely, if ever, used to laugh spontaneously so wholeheartedly before…Now I do alot, he notices, and he’s loving it!



  203.  #203LiliBee on March 26, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    199:

    Hi FW,

    I’m in no hurry either, but I don’t want the new cd to poof bc my ex is still around.

    Btw, I’m still going rollerblading w the singles’ meetup group on Sunday, and D knows about it.

    But how can a new cd be OK with me still having my ex around?

    Oh, and Wcd knows that I’m still hanging around w my ex and he still seems interested.



  204.  #204Daria on March 26, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Emoticon is that you singing? feels passionate



  205.  #205LiliBee on March 26, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    191:

    Welcome back SG!



  206.  #206Luzydel on March 26, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    No answer from Match.com so I guess I lost my account and my pictures, hopefully they don’t show up in some porn site; (even though they were not provocative at all). This made me close all my existing profiles; I am not into online dating that much anymore; that is how I feel right now and I am going to honor those feelings; I feel apathy towards online dating.

    I would like to meet men out an about, though it is not as many men to do it with, I am up for the challenge. besides going out more is being very therapeutic; I find lost pieces of myself every time I am out. I know this is anti Siren, RR rules or whatever…but I am not afraid of ending up alone. Not being a rebel or closing myself off…I am just accepting my present moment just like it is…An it isn’t so bad, so It is ok if I don’t meet him, It will be nice if I do, but I have things to make myself happy if he doesn’t.



  207.  #207LiliBee on March 26, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    161:

    I’m impressed by your attitude sunshine Lizka!
    I lllooove it! 🙂



  208.  #208Starla on March 26, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    ahhhh, what a doozy of a night! ahhhhhh! f*cken a right, a doozy!

    and i’m going to bed happy and peaceful and okay. and i’m snapping back faster than ever from the doozies.

    and i love me so much.



  209.  #209Starla on March 26, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    cf actually asked (offered?) if i wanted him to move back down here. i was so taken aback i started laughing! i said it hadn’t actually crossed my mind, because i guess i really was not interested in telling him what to do. lol

    i said no, but it’s nice to know it’s an option.



  210.  #210Turquoise on March 26, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    It’s really cold here tonight, so I turned on the fireplace. It’s one of the things I love most about my home…. sigh, really enjoyed it this evening. I need to get to bed though, I really don’t get enough sleep. Goodnight sirens!



  211.  #211Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    I wonder if I can mention to SmartCD that I felt surprised I have not heard his decision about the show.. which was AMAZING!!!

    I ran into 2 guy friends (separately) and spent each intermission very nicely lol. And people complimented on my dress again!



  212.  #212Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    Turquoise,

    I think it’s a happy mistake!! Your C is getting exactly what he asked for – you’re CDing lol! I know it was not intentional and so does he.. of course he would send a wink, who wants to sound like a looser 😉 But he will be thinking, that’s for sure!



  213.  #213Memulo on March 26, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Lili,

    #202: Do you feel you can say the truth? As of you are not sexually (or romantically) involved with your ex, you treat him as a friend but he probably wants more. Or something along these lines.



  214.  #214Emerson on March 26, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    (((Ulli)))

    You are the prize…don’t give up you are still a siren. Nice to see your name on the blog. ((hugs))



  215.  #215Daria on March 26, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    any man who gets me will wake feeling like the happiest man alive

    ack! how DARE I SAY THIS!

    how dare i presume to know how he will feel?

    and … its not true!!

    cuz im boring and annoying and demanding

    ACK!!!

    SO MUCH LOVE TO ME

    I intend to belive this about me

    Thank you for raising the bar Feminine Woman. Ive read it from u before and this time im choosing to use it and belive it



  216.  #216Daria on March 26, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    i am in no hurry to jump in with two feet into a relationship



  217.  #217Emerson on March 26, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    215 Daria,
    I feel the opposite, I feel like I could jump in with two feet…so I have to be careful and not do that. I need to keep CDing…which will be easy because I have you and all the other sirens to support me. 🙂



  218.  #218Daria on March 26, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    Feminine Woman i took that and typed it up word for word, wanting to sink into me , as my status on one of my fave local sites. i also said i want to have a wonderful relationship, not just any relationship.

    now i changed it to a wonderful relationship, not just run from loneliness.

    Thank you i feel like im getting too big for my britches by posting that and THAT MEANS IM GROWING!!!!



  219.  #219Emerson on March 26, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    I need to spend some time tomorrow night doing/redoing my vision board. I think I will start from scratch.

    I want to have a methodical daily approach to life and my future, where I am healthy and doing things to make me better and happy.

    I am looking forward to meeting NewCD, I have a good feeling about him for some reason.

    I’m trying to recall and recreate the feeling of openness I used to have when i would meet people/men when I was younger. I literally remember feeling so excited and hopeful and assuming all positive things when meeting new people when I was younger…LOL it’s called being naiive..?? Perhaps, but actually it is being open hearted too….

    I can recreate that in myself.



  220.  #220Emerson on March 26, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Regarding this article and the story about Ester,,,well I can relate (I know I say that all the time)…after reading this article, I for some reason remembered my very first obsession from when I was 14 years old…OMG I got so much attention from this guy I thought he liked me and we were going to get married LOL…aww cute 14 year old Emerson!!!
    Anyway I obsessed over him for a long time and I used to call him and everything!!! He was so nice to me but much older so nothing came of it…I was all heartbroken over him. Aww poor dear..it’s ok Emerson you didn’t know.



  221.  #221Tiffany on March 26, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    Coco – I felt so many emotions when I read what you wrote in the last thread about finances. It was really tough to read, even though it wasn’t mean or nasty or judgy at all. It just made me sad. And I felt a little bit jealous of where you are now. Even though I KNOW, and I have an unshakable faith in my heart somehow that I WILL get to the place where all of that will be true for me and more (the financial stability, the abundance, everything). But right now, since working on that directly hasn’t been very helpful, I am really just focusing on healing my inner self, which has all these wounds. And then when I am able to BE myself, we might find that things are different…

    But I also feel curious, what kind of financial advisor do you have? Where did you find her (him?) ? I could really use someone like that in my “corner” to cheer me on, who would have those kind of interests in mind for me, though. That would feel pretty good…



  222.  #222Tiffany on March 26, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Aww…Emerson! I love your 14-year-old memory of yourself. That is so sweet 🙂

    I used to like all the guys who eventually turned out to be gay….ha!

    And all the creepy guys I didn’t like had a thing for me. ew.



  223.  #223Tiffany on March 26, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Uh…I guess not much has changed. 😉 lol



  224.  #224Tiffany on March 26, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    So…I am beginning to wonder if I can do this “friend” thing with OM.

    Because, on the one hand, when he’s not here, I can think clearly about it, and I can look at all the “facts” plus feel my emotions, and really get a sense that he’s not the Right Guy for me, and he probably never was.

    All my instincts were correct, and maybe when he ended things, he was just being an intuitive guy and picking up on stuff I already “knew” I just didn’t want to admit – to myself or him.

    I enjoy getting small emails from him now occasionally. But it feels like – *ugh. There’s something missing. Or there is a huge dam that is just barely being held back by a very weak wall, and the slightest shake or movement could let a whole flood of water out, that could be either very, very dangerous, or very, very exciting – or it might just relieve the pressure….



  225.  #225Silver Moonbeam on March 26, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    #199 FW

    Lilibee I was brave enough to say that any man who gets me will wake feeling like he is the happiest man alive because I know I have a lot to offer. As such I am in no hurry to jump in with two feet into a relationship. I am taking my time and want to keep my options open. That particular guy kept trying until he felt like he was not good enough for me. He eventually poofed but I did not bat an eyelid. I have better offers.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Wow I love this!!!

    Any man who gets me will wake up knowing he is the luckiest man alive as I have sooo much to offer.

    As such I am in no hurry to jump in with two feet into a relationship. I am taking my time and want to keep my options open.

    😀 😀 😀

    Brilliant!!!



  226.  #226Tiffany on March 26, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    I feel sexy today, and yet, I enjoy not having sex.

    I flirted today with the guy who helped me get my new phone. he was pretty attractive, and at first he was very cold and “customer-service-y.” But after I leaned back, and stayed quiet, and was patient with the process, he started opening up to me. I got him talking about himself, and he shared even more than I asked about.

    At the end, it was cool, and I gave him my card. Except I was kind of irked that he had taken the plastic film off my phone screen. I know – it’s a super minor thing. But it’s something I like to do, along with lots of other people – there is just something fun about taking that film off for the first time and exposing the perfect screen. He did it so fast, without even asking me if it was okay, when I already showed him how much I enjoyed opening the box. And also, it was unnecessary. I needed to just leave and get out of the store.

    And when I walked out, still feeling kind of annoyed about this, I put my hand on my heart and asked myself what I really needed. And that was: food and rest. So I stopped and got some coffee and a muffin. And that made me feel better.

    But I think part of me was also denying – or trying to deny – my annoyance at this one small thing. At the same time that I was really super bummed that he had done this thing, and that I hadn’t said to him not to – I was also trying to tell myself that it wasn’t okay to be bummed. That I was stupid and petty for feeling that way. That I shouldn’t get so worked up over a phone. That there’s “something wrong with me.” And I felt bad. I felt that he thought I was overreacting – because I was obviously upset that he had done it. And then I tried super hard to cover up the fact that I was upset, and leave the store giving him a smile and thanking him “so much” for his help.

    What a disingenuous thing that was to say.

    But on the other hand, I was exhausted. I really needed to get going.

    And I had to admit – well, sometimes people are dumb. Sometimes people step on your toes, and they really don’t mean to.

    When I was in middle school, my mom sent me off to “nerd camp.” Believe me, I wanted to go. I loved it! And one year, I took a writing class, and one day in that class, I forgot my book that I was supposed to bring with me. It was a paper back novel we were reading. I asked one particularly nerdy guy if I could borrow his copy. So I did, and I accidentally got a crease in the spine of the book. Little did I know that he had a “thing” about keeping his spines in “pristine” condition, and endeavored to read his books without bending the spines at all. (How that’s possible, I don’t know.)

    When I gave the book back and he saw that there was a crease in it, he was very upset, and very angry at me, too. I apologized, but I admit, I wasn’t very sincere. I simply couldn’t understand why he was so upset about a tiny insignificant thing like a crease in the spine of his book. But now I understand.

    Now I am that “uptight” person who gets all bent out of shape over some mundane little thing that nobody else really cares about.

    And I’ve been thinking about “relationship” over “things” today. I get very attached to things. I even have relationships with “things” – objects, whatever, that aren’t people. Things do not betray you. Things are (usually) where you left them. They don’t talk back and get unpredictable, and they don’t judge you, either. Things give me comfort and make me feel better. But they don’t really make me feel better. Because when I only have things, and I don’t have people, then I am lonely.

    I am able to see how the “things” in my relationship with OM were (and in some ways still are) taking precedence over the interaction and the quality of the interaction. I was more interested in the “what” and the “why” than the “how.”

    I lost track of my true priorities. But I knew I had lost them when I realized that I had lost HIM – in the sense that I lost his interest in the relationship, and his interest in me. And I lost the relationship. Because now I was probably a “thing,” too.

    Do I really want THINGS and not PEOPLE? NO. no, no, no, no, no. I would rather have him, or any loving person, any day. I love gadgets. They make me happy. People make me feel annoyed sometimes. But ultimately, I need to remember that it’s people that I want in my life….not so much the things.

    And if I want the people. Then I am going to have to be willing and able to let some things go….



  227.  #227Jessie1000 on March 26, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    Daria, and to all others who have been waiting for a wholesome situation for, how do I put it, a good person to bother to sleep with and I have to say that time without sex makes it more important and I think that is a good thing….cause when you finally pick someone (and its only you that knows how long before you freak out and do it….lol and every person is different….anyway, cause when you finally pick someone, the sexual energy between you two, not just cause he is sex worthy but also because after 6 months, it feels like the body becomes a virgin again…lol the sexual energy is off the hook because all that pent up aggression comes flowing out and I find that women who have waited said that the first time back on the wagon, so to speak had mind blowing sex…both him and her.
    So I would rather say that I have little sex, rarely often than to have awful sex with dippy people and went home feeling bad and wondering if my taking my clothes off was just a waste of sex….
    My friend Lisa has an expression that sometimes you find a guy and hes really hot and hes really into you and hes not going to judge you and you get in bed and he doesnt have a clue how to treat the woman and the night turned out to be a waste of sex….
    wasting it sucks and sometimes waiting makes one re appreciate the ways that good sex can be very mystical and mythical when its wisely taken in small doses from a caring dude who really has your heart at the top of their priorities!
    Thats what I think, and remember, I dont know anything….but I waited a long time to do anything with my little ones dad and even though we kind of hate each other now, if I said, remember the hurricane when we had no where to sleep cause the house was full of people and we did it for the first time on the kitchen chair…lol, he would say that was the best sex of his life because we just could not keep our hands of each other anymore!!
    We even both have versions of the night….I washed my hair in cold water after 5 days of having no power, 2 cans of alphagetti and of course, my luck an ELECTRIC can opener…There was nothing in the fridge but a large bottle of rum and an old pear and my son, who was 4 was living on my neighbours generosity who kept feeding him all his bread and apples and oranges….anyway, I knew that if i could get to my bf;s house…a very long walk, I heard that his end of town had power, so I bathed in cold water, got the rum, and me and my son walked over…he was so happy to see me because he thought my house might have been hit by trees and he couldnt leave his house because his brother was super sick and he didnt even know where I was cause he thought I might have went to my buddies house….so I brought the rum and we got very shitfaced since I hadnt eaten hardly anything those days and I had no intention to sleep with him but I still was suffering with this feeling that I could have died in the hurricane so I thought, dear god, life is too short!!! lol and finally flirted with him…I think it was a state of post traumatic shock lol from the hurricane.

    His version was I came over dressed all in white, clean from a bath and trying to seduce him with rum (that was the only thing left in the house) and when I kissed him, he said he knew that was going to be the night cause I almost broke his face…when I came in the door. He said that I had no bra and no underwear, cause he checked me out (the power was off and all my clothes were wet in the washer so I had nothing clean) and he said that I was happy and singing to him and myself, I think, old songs from my childhood while I kept pouring large drinks of rum…I dont even remember that….I told him how I felt like I was going to die in the hurricane and how my car was smashed cause my roof blew off my house and onto my car and that I was all teary eyed and pathetic and so he knew that if he comforted me then he would have an excuse to touch me alot and get me in the sack…nice eh? He said I kept kissing him and drinking more rum (ptsd…im sure) and he knew I finally was going to seduce him so he got the kitchen chair so that he could watch me make something to eat!! i definitely dont remember that and that instead of making food, I sat on his lap and came onto him!!! lol lol lol what an ass
    anyway, moral of the story, I was feeling broken and open and kind of soft after the hurricane and perhaps less closed off and repressed than normal…and I think facing the fact that I almost died made me more present in the moment…I stopped worrying what this guy thought of me and the situation just happened….My feelings were attractive to him as were the opportunities of copious amounts of alcohol, which is not a suggestion, just part of the story and as rori would say, not worrying about what hes thinking but just being present in the moment was a nice way to get close and intimate with him and not the opposite!
    Moral is waiting can make you appreciate sex, appreciate the guy, and even appreciate yourself. Perhaps thinking that this moment is special and may be our last moment, may help take the edge of hyper responsibility which seems to cause the worrying….omg is my hair good, will he kiss me, does he love me, am I cuter than her, is my belly sticking out, did i just say that stupid thing….and the worrying just might ease….



  228.  #228Tiffany on March 26, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    Oh, yeah – but, on the other hand – to just acknowledge how I felt – I DID care about that plastic being taken off.

    But I also noticed how I was AFRAID to say anything about it. I noticed that he was doing things on the screen before, and didn’t take it off. I didn’t say anything. I figured I “didn’t have to.” That he wasn’t going to take it off, since he hadn’t already. He really surprised me at the end, when he tried to do something I had said I didn’t want him to do.

    I think he was trying to be overly helpful. These guys get ratings for their customer service, and he was trying to “serve” me. Plus, he was also just being a guy. He was jumping all over the place to get me stuff. Kind of cute! But at a certain point, I didn’t WANT to be helped. I wanted to be “helped” by being allowed to leave the store in peace and go home and play with my new gadget. I really didn’t want his fingers and all his business all up in my phone before *I* even had a change to play with it and see what it’s like.

    We can deny it if we want to, but our phones are very personal objects. Especially when they have touch screens, because you interact with them through touch. I am a tactile person. And this felt like an infringement on me somehow. A desecration of like the virgin snow, for example. The chance to get to run through it the first time by myself and make my own tracks. He was the bull in my china shop.

    Can I forgive him? Sure. There’s no hard feelings. There isn’t really a big “charge” on it anymore in my mind. I just felt like I wanted to write about it in a safe space….



  229.  #229Jessie1000 on March 26, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    starla, there is nothing worse on gods green earth than liking someone and feeling an intense desire to see them every second and it seems like they are preoccupied or uninvested or stupidly slow at making firm plans…I absolutely hate it….
    It drives me nuts
    I usually keep myself super busy with my own activities, martial arts, the gym, studying, going to talks at uni….but my Beau is super stuck always in my head….he has backed off and wanted some space but I have like a no negotiation thing with dudes…I need attention, they know it and I will drop them like a potatoe if they dont….i dont want money, or phone calls, i want face to face stuff –no matter what it is…maybe the problem with you and your man is that he just doesnt know how to handle the intensity of your guys together and so he gets scared and backs off….
    Ive been super busy studying for the last 2 weeks, hair in a pony tail, always books in my head, reading random shit to everyone around me about global diasporas adn transnational citizenry and guess what? My man is all over me….I really couldnt care less….i hardly talk except to eat and run around like a chicken with my head cut off and I can tell how attractive I seem to him….my lack of interest makes him crazy about me…go figure (lean back stuff not invoked but kind of placed because Im so disinterested and busy…
    Lean back when you see him physically…turn your back to him all the time, put ur face away, seem cold and dont touch him or rub him or do anything that seems like hes anything but a cute roommate….fake it until you make it….take interest in nothing on his body and hold yourself in an active pose that seems like you want to give him the back….and guess what! ur will to be around him willl change and so will his manner…u watch



  230.  #230Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    It went all right with Cop. I had attempted to lay my boundaries verbally the last couple of times. Friends, just cuddling. But I spose it was pretty compromising having him come over to cuddle in the first place. He just tried to have sex, and my strength has built up so much over the years..I said I didn’t want it and I meant it.

    At the same time, I practiced my siren skills, so it was a challenge to hold cuddling only boundaries while doing my best to stay soft and open, letting him lead. One thing I liked about myself is that I stayed far more aware of my feelings, moment by moment, than I ever have in the presence of a new man. I kept checking in with myself, and sometimes even staying in “what am I feeling?” mode, along with expressing moment by moment how I felt.

    I noticed that when I allowed myself to be soft and open, my feeling messages became a lot more little girlish, like, “Cop wants to be bad. Brenda wants to be good.” My intellectual self seemed to check out for that space of time, for the most part. I discussed it with him on a more serious, adult level after (as I had before).

    It is just so empty making love when love’s not really there. Ugh. Sick of men who ignore boundaries out of their own selfish desires. But I felt good about myself for expressing how I felt about it. That I don’t want to be treated second class and I don’t want to feel used. I mean, obviously I put myself in this situation. But I genuinely wanted cuddling. Sort of like a man snack after almost 3 years since Ryan cuddled with me. I crave to be touched.

    But I want to be cherished. I want to be known and loved, not JUST touched.

    So I’m sure I gave him something to think about, and he said he felt bad.

    He just thought I would crumble, I’m sure. But he’s never known a woman who has waited years and years for men in prison, and years more for a man in a spiritual prison of schizophrenia. The strength and self control I’ve learned is far more valuable than a roll in the hay.



  231.  #231Tiffany on March 26, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    Jessie – I really liked what you had to say about waiting a while before having sex with someone again!

    And I think I needed to read it, too, because it is way too easy for me to just feel randy and jump into it with some guy I don’t really care about. I usually enjoy it. But of course it doesn’t really “satisfy” me, because the satisfaction comes from long-term, regular sex. Not just one great night in the sack.

    The best sex for me in my life so far, was with my fiance. Before him, I had not had sex for three years. It’s a lot story, but I was feeling traumatized from sex, and wanted to wait, basically until I got married to have sex again.

    Well, turns out that idea is pretty impractical for me.

    But thanks, because I needed a reminder that building up a little tension inside, and not attempting to get “satisfaction” from random dudes here and there, does actually make for a better sexual relationship with the guy you eventually do connect with.

    My fiance and I dated for 2 months before I finally “lost it” and had sex with him. And I think that’s when he really started to get serious about marrying me – even though we’d already talked about it before then.

    Of course, it was complicated and difficult, because of my issues. I freaked out at one point and told him I “couldn’t handle” the sex. But I did go back to him, and I have to admit – having sex with him was better than not having sex with him. It was great, even. He was passionate and a good lover, and he always told me how much he cared about me, both in general, and in regards to sex.

    I still think, in the end, he was a selfish guy I shouldn’t have been with, and my intuition knew this. But, I gotta say, he set the bar really high. Or maybe *I* set the bar really high. Maybe I need to set it high again by *waiting* a little bit, and stop thinking that every weekend, every month that goes by is the last time I will ever be able to have a child…as if!

    But I really l do want children. I want children more than anything in the world…There is no gadget on earth that can compare to how much I want to meet the amazing little people that will come out of my body. I can satisfy myself with “gadgets” now – but really I just want a person. I have to remember, though, not to “thing” people. It’s back to my mother again. Okay, I am going to slather on some love and go to sleep….good night!



  232.  #232Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    Healing Waterfall,

    RE: #153 – “and right now our siren Brenda is cuddling on the couch with her cop…..
    wow!
    it feels amazing to read about all these transformations….”

    LOL, thanks for thinking of me!

    Oh, another thing I wanted to say is how much anticipating dates like these inspires me to do housework. I got SO much done the last couple of days, and my house looks far better. I have a total attitude transformation when I’m expecting company!



  233.  #233Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    Hi Tiffany,

    Interesting, we were both writing about how it feels better to wait for sex at the same time.

    I haven’t used the word ‘randy’ for a long time. I like that better than “horny”. Sounds cuter.

    I like what you said about having children. I would like children so much, too. Don’t know if it will happen for me, but I only want it to happen the right way for me, with a husband.



  234.  #234Brenda on March 26, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Memulo (& Jilly),

    RE: #67 _ “Haha Brenda,

    That feels hilarious, I wonder how he read it and what he wanted it to be LOL!

    Now I hope you just realize that it was really funny and there is nothing to feel worried/concerned about!”

    thanks! It is funny, but what I was worried about was what happened, that I didn’t want to communicate that i was hinting for sex. because I wanted to cuddle, not act like a bunny rabbit in springtime.



  235.  #235Daria on March 27, 2012 at 1:28 am

    i feel excited… this night is manifesting so well!

    thanks to Jilly for the inspiration

    AND…

    i love how Lk calls herself sassy when i woulda been calling myself mean and beating myself up

    and i feel inspired by Lizka’s acceptance of her desire for popularity

    sigh of relief

    AND

    i feel inspired too by Lizka who seems to take good care of her nails, etc

    and inspired by her strong belief that the guy is feeling the vibe from far away

    and i was explorimg my resistance to making myself look pretty when i dont have plans with a superhero

    and really i dotn know any man i would ‘impress’

    but i remember i used to get all dolled up and like it for Transformer

    so ive chosen to continuously do things to prepare like im going out ona big date i really like no matter what plans i do or don’t have

    and yay i cut my toenails so beautifully shaped tonite!

    and really moisturized and nourished, and trimmed my nails on my hand too

    and im feeling good about myself and this plan

    ive always wanted to effortlessly care for my beauty

    im feeling good

    and my room is humiidified, warm and ionized and

    i feel yummy

    Neighbor CD is on his way with trees

    with his late ass

    hehe

    in the future i won’t ‘wait’ for him either, but he’s so funny and somehow its just fitting really easily into my schedule anyway 🙂

    and its effortless

    he said im inflexible for not coming to him

    i know im not inflexible (tho i was scared about this on my own that im rigid)

    just that i dont want to put in effort

    so i let him know

    and of course its working out for me 🙂



  236.  #236Daria on March 27, 2012 at 1:29 am

    old thought im never seen honored adn appreciated for my love and for my effort

    new belief… of course, im always loved honored and appreciated for my love and care and effort



  237.  #237Daria on March 27, 2012 at 1:31 am

    i just said… of course its working out for me!

    and i meant it. it just came out! nice!

    things work out for me. and they are “being” worked out for me

    Making it happen felt anxious making, surrendering and enjoying myself felt awesome and cool stuff keeps poppim up!



  238.  #238Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 2:05 am

    Brenda #233,

    I was just joking and I am sure he didn’t take it as hinting on anything other than time (even IF he read it differently at first) and in any case you had your boundaries and now he knows and this is what flirting is all about!

    Btw, please don’t feel bad, they always (well often) try and it’s an indication that they are attracted to you 😉 You just don’t have to take it.



  239.  #239Daria on March 27, 2012 at 2:12 am

    hehe the universe does NOt play

    i kept waiting for Neighbor CD since 10 30, and now its past 2 and he still hasnt made it!

    so i called and said it doesnt work for me now anymore (it doesnt)

    i feel amused!

    i ‘get’ the ‘don’t wait’ thing now universe 🙂 hehe

    thanks!
    (((Daria)))

    i don’t even feel mad

    just happy and amused

    i can call Neighbor CD when i wake up and see what he thinks



  240.  #240Daria on March 27, 2012 at 2:13 am

    that would be convenient to me, but hmm

    he didn’t actually say ok to taht. he just apologized

    maybe don’t call him at all and let him call me? that might feel more relaxing…i’ll see how i feel



  241.  #241Daria on March 27, 2012 at 2:16 am

    i brushed my teeth and my hair like im goin on a date

    and had picked otu my clothes

    im feeling so good doign these things for myself!



  242.  #242Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 2:23 am

    I feel worried that he is distancing himself..

    No, I feel worried about the right way for me to take it. I suspected it could happen. I feel that just having an exciting life outside of our connection is not enough. I feel worried that I have to say some right words to him to vote for myself and I won’t find them and will come across as blamey or angry or just boring. I know I should stop thinking about how he may take it and sink into how I feel. On the other hand, I know that he has a tough situation at work these days and can be just occupied with this stuff. Or he can use it as an excuse. He is very good with making excuses. He got better with me I feel about not making them and having a more sincere communication, but he jumps right back to it when he gets defensive. then I have to stop myself from sympathizing and focus on what I feel and what I need. And this is not easy for me with him being so expressive and describing all the horror of his situation and plainly not letting me open my mouth. I am not overly talkative to begin with. I am polite and let him talk and say his truth and I listen. He is smart and in the middle of his ‘story’ he makes me smile and feel connected and he holds me and it’s like what else I need and it feels stupid and boring to continue being unhappy and wanting something more.

    Now this is not the actual scenario because we never had a real argument or a long one but my intuition says that it’s a possible scenario. And I feel scared I won’t be able to hold my ground. Or I will forget what it is. Or I will feel differently in an instant and all my concerns will feel unimportant. I don’t know how to deal with this.



  243.  #243Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 2:40 am

    Thank you, the show was amazing, it was fun despite the sad story, it didn’t even feel that sad, it made me smile. It looked like old French caricatures, everyone except for two main characters. it felt dynamic and modern and the acting was unbelievable. The music felt so romantic..

    I felt surprised not to hear from you about your decision to go/not to go.



  244.  #244Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 2:58 am

    Last time we saw each other he said that my forgetting stuff at his place was symbolic – meaning that first I was of course distracted and second it felt unconsciously good to leave behind some signs of my presence at his place. He said it’s like when he gives me flowers I like it because it makes me feel that he is present in my apartment.

    That felt weird to me but I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING.

    Later I started thinking – is this the reason he doesn’t give me flowers anymore, though he knows how much I like them?



  245.  #245Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 3:06 am

    I do feel scared confronting him on this. I feel scared to pay way too much attention to small negative details. Or are they even negative? They don’t feel good. But I felt surprised and I remained silent and he started talking about something else and I didn’t ask questions or state my feelings.

    The next morning he said he decided not to bring back my toothbrush, the orange one. I assumed it was because he wanted me to use it again, but why didn’t I ask?? I seriously have to stop to absorb the information silently and start talking. It’s just hard to make the switch when I am in a girly romantic mode.



  246.  #246Healing Waterfall on March 27, 2012 at 3:08 am

    Good morning
    I have been up for awhile and I think my prayer worked last night, FW!

    I have gained a SLIGHT edge on my impulsivenss, and I have watched myself compose in my head an email to crush about his text to me yesterday, which was wondering about my work.
    even though i already replied to that.
    and wanting to justify a comment i had made last wed to him.
    like it is INCREDIBLY vitally important.
    now i am finding myself sort of amusing….i guess that is good.
    because today i am going to lean back and the way i will be able to do that is to get some space from having to interact and just be….i am getting it I think.

    and today as i was typing in the web adress to this blog, i got a really good chuckle, because instead of typing havetherelationshipyouwant, i typed havetherelationshipyouneed
    i thought that was funny
    well it will be good to have some amusement at myself today instead of such intensity and see life as an experiment
    whew, i feel really glad i did not really write that email.
    thanks so much for that great feedback and your hello yesterday, FW



  247.  #247Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 3:16 am

    HW,

    Yes, when in doubt lean back (courtesy of Starla) 😉

    No need to explain anything before you are even asked. I guess there are exceptions to this but they are sooo extremely rear. I don’t feel like doing it even if I am worried he didn’t get the right directions from me. I figure – if he’s in trouble he will ask.



  248.  #248Sun Goddess on March 27, 2012 at 3:21 am

    Hi LiliBee!



  249.  #249Lizka on March 27, 2012 at 3:39 am

    Good morning (and Hello Day 8!) !!

    I was just turning off my alarm clock 5 minutes ago and I received a message from the new Cd (the ex coworker – have to find him a name…) saying “good luck for the interview, let me know how it goes”. I think that’s super cute. But I had a little pinch in my heart at the same time (and still do) thinking “why isn’t it ATW who thinks of me like this?”. *sigh*…

    I DO NOT want to start my second week of challenge feeling like that. I will no break thechallenge today that’s fot sure. So what can I do? 🙁



  250.  #250Lizka on March 27, 2012 at 3:47 am

    I need to find something to make me smile this morning!! Looud music while getting ready for work and reading in the bus?

    I am not gonna lean forward. I am a super siren. I can do this 8th Day of the Challenge of my Life. I don’t have to do anything. and I understand that it can take many days or weeks for ATW to contact me. He needs to feel the new me and he needs space. Btw I have low down (??? Right way to say it?) my expectation. I have decided that I am sicerely not expecting a message/call from him for at least two weeks and not expecting him to ask to see me for 3 weeks… I know that’s a lot, but that way I am getting ready for no dissapointment.

    And I have already plan my next weekend. I have fill it with spa, yoga, running and cleaning. Maybe best friend seeing also and any other party invitation that might come in, if I still have time!

    Hmmm thinking of my weekebd of spa and yoga helped the heart pinch to go away.

    Ok time to get up now and start my beautiful Day 8!



  251.  #251Lizka on March 27, 2012 at 3:52 am

    Will try to find a name for new CD while having breakfast. It’s hard. Woul call him sarasticCD but I think someone here already have a sarcasticCD, no? Or maybe MysteriousCd because he is kind of mysterious… I am thinking of RamadanCD (he is muslim and when I think of him I think of a time where he was doing theramadan and on a diet of no food and no drinking and no sex and everything and all the office was super curious about it) but I don’t know, sounds kind of racist? I am so not racist thougj… What do you think? Is RamadanCD triggering any of you? I’ll
    Try to think of something else…



  252.  #252Luzydel on March 27, 2012 at 4:11 am

    I don’t feel accepted on this blog… I know it may be a feeling triggering me, but that is how I feel. I am different, I do not follow the normal beat of things, I may get an idea and turn it into something new where I feel comfortable and happy. Being hooked into a specific man who doesn’t really give me anything did not make me feel good, so I am changing that and turning the energy and attention into myself, where men are just objects that pass by and or dance around me. Only when a man makes a greater effort to see the real me, respect the real me and love the real me, then I will notice him, because he noticed me.

    Yesterday I saw a movie and there was a scene where a couple were on a date, and the guy told something mean to the woman; Something like “I can see through you, you are like many other women, nothing special, a woman who it tired of being alone and rather be with any man, a woman who is desperate.” He was mean, I know, but that statement has a bit of true to it. some women are just to desperate to be in a relationship, that they forget about themselves. An all they talk is about men, what they did or didn’t do and all is a drama, and why he did this and the hyped when he did what was expected etc. Pathetic! I was Pathetic! I cannot go back to that, I cannot put my energy into a man who does not give me anything and all it does is suck up my energy. That is why men everywhere I go are just faceless objects who dance around me, until one of them step up and I feel safe with him, and I don’t feel like I have to do anything, but just be there and he is there…



  253.  #253Healing Waterfall on March 27, 2012 at 4:24 am

    i just wish i had not texted him last night needing someone’s name for the business assoication membership, but he forgot to give me her contact info when he texted me….
    but it is so hard not to reach out and now i feel foolish.
    oh well,
    i will just keep taking care of my life and feeding my body and meditating and all that
    i know it will all work out if i keep putting out the good vibes
    and this am i actually got a wink from a berry farmer on match.
    well, got to feed my boy, just finished creating his bday sleepover invite on evite and mailed that out.
    life is busy as a single mom!
    i am glad to have you all to talk to



  254.  #254Turquoise on March 27, 2012 at 4:50 am

    Lizka, I am going to follow in your footsteps. No leaning forward. No calls or texts to my ex unless it’s an emergency parenting situation.

    I haven’t leaned forward with Ohio CD at all except to ask some questions. I always let him contact me first. He calls me. But I’m going to not just not lean forward, I’m going to lean back…. because I don’t want to get attached to him through phone calls, before meeting him. It’s wierd how many things we have in common, like timelines that match up. But, I feel really nervous thinking about actually trying to have a relationship with someone else, and I’m in no hurry to even put one foot in let alone jump in with 2 feet. I can’t even think about having sex with someone else without having a huge lump in my throat and a sense of panic. Like if I have sex with someone else, it will mean I won’t get back with C. Ever. I don’t want to think about that finality.

    C left a sweatshirt here and I took it to bed with me last night to smell him, I did the forgiveness mantra with the gold cord from my heart to his. I know this isn’t helping me detach, but I wonder what all he does feel from my vibe, or if he feels anything.

    I’m not ready to let go. I don’t want to sever my golden cord. I want my feelings to really be expressed and felt, BUt also feeling like I want to be open to all love that is out there for me, and that I don’t know what’s coming…. so not shutting myself away from possibilities.

    Hugs to me and totally leaning back today. Day 1 of my challenge, I’ll be so busy with work, taking the girls to gymnastics, cooking, cleaning and blogging, that I won’t lean forward with anyone. Not even women. This is a good challenge for me.



  255.  #255Turquoise on March 27, 2012 at 5:02 am

    Thanks Memulo, I thought that too… that I’m giving him what he said he wanted. Now we’ll see if he meant it. Yikes! lol.

    I don’t know what my advice is about your guy, but it bothers me that it doesn’t sound like he’s very nice to you. In your posts, I get a cold feeling about him…. how long have you been dating him?



  256.  #256Lizka on March 27, 2012 at 5:05 am

    Awww Turquoise! I’m so happy an feeling so surprised that my Challenge has inspired you and other sirens!

    Happy Day 1 Turquoise!!

    My advise is, if you feel it’s hard at day 2 or 3, remember it’s just gonna get easier and easier and you’ll feel proud of you when you’ll have accomplished just 5 or 6 days. And you’ll want to do more and more!! It’s like quiting drugs, lol. I guess? I neer had to quit drugs…

    Love Turquoise xoxo



  257.  #257Turquoise on March 27, 2012 at 5:11 am

    Thanks Lizka!!! I’ll keep you posted!



  258.  #258Healing Waterfall on March 27, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Hey Turquoise
    I am accepting Lizka’s challenge too and yesterday I did not do it.
    So i am restarting day 1 and I am starting with a greater awareness today of why I leaned forward and with more of an awareness of what I am doing when I am thinking of leaning forward.
    And this already worked this am. I was ready to shoot off an email and i saw myself needing to express and just seeing myself in this space helped me to not do it and redirect my energies and this am I already have accomplished so much:
    I did the dishes from yesterday
    I did laundry
    I read a little spiritual essay
    I sent out a bday invite for my son’s party on evite.com
    I filled out a form to adverstise myself on livingsocial and jumponit…..my biz that is
    i took a shower and really rubbed my skin to get my lymph moving.
    i woke up my son and he got himself ready for school with a little more initiative than ever before, since i was already busy on my life…
    and i don’t feel a need to contact him now.
    i wonder what that gold cord mantra is you were talking about……
    i wish you and i could do some visualization together on bringing you and your ex into present time….
    that has helped me a ton with my crush and my ex
    anyway have a great day, it sounds really promising with your new CD, he sounds really interested, that’s great.
    Lizka, thanks for the encouragement, that the first couple days are really hard….I will remember that.



  259.  #259ulii on March 27, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Hi Sirens!

    I have a question.

    A guy I’m chatting with on a dating site right now is asking me to have a coffee this evening. He is in my town only for few days for a conference.

    As I have been chatting with him only 2 days since he contacted me prior to his flight (he arrived yesterday, and yesterday evening I already denied his invitation to go out), i don’t have anything invested here, although I do feel a bit intrigued by him.

    Do you think it’s ok to meet him just as a practice? Or is it too obvious he only wants some short entertainment and I should refuse?

    Femininewoman, as you said yesterday I could be practicing my flirting skills. Even in this kind of situation? Do you have any recommendation?

    Many thanks for any kind of input!!

    XXX



  260.  #260Silver Moonbeam on March 27, 2012 at 5:47 am

    I am interested in Turq’s gold cord and HW’s visualisation of bringing people into present time please explain ladies.

    Not been so good here this past 4-5 days ladies, first my daughter emails me with a big drama filled letter of how she has fallen out big time with her best gf, they have been friends for over 20 years, very sad, said gf has ended up in a refuge with her daughter after getting back with psycho boyfriend moving in with him against every advise , then he kicked her out. Long drama ridden story, much emailing and phoning….sigh…..

    Then my son emails me with big angst ridden messages, seems like his girlfriend has dumped him and he is moving out this weekend. Sent him all this “stuff” Byron Katie and so on, but I don’t know if he will even read/watch it. I know we are not supposed to advise men, but it’s my son and I really thought she was “the one” and they would get married, have children, etc. and so did he from what he said at the beginning………….more sighs……….

    Even though they are both “mature” adults you never stop being a mum. 🙁

    So I haven’t even been on the dating sites, just in a blah vibe and can’t be bothered at the moment. I don’t think I would be very good company for anybody at the moment. 🙁



  261.  #261Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Hi Turquoise,

    Thank you for your concern. I wouldn’t say my guy is not nice to me. He lost his wallet before our dinner at my place on Saturday and he had to take his son to a bday party at noon on Sunday in a rented car, but he still showed up for dinner and left worried on Sunday at 8am to look for his wallet. He said that if he finds it he will come back and we will go for a walk like I wanted. He called back an hour later that he found it. He apologized that he left so early, he said that without his wallet he wouldn’t be able to drive his son and said that parents get sometimes overly worried if they can’t fulfill their kids’ needs. He did come back and we went out for a walk for 1.5 hours and it was his initiating, I did not say anything to remind him.



  262.  #262Healing Waterfall on March 27, 2012 at 5:53 am

    Hi Silver moonbeam,
    sounds like a rough week for your kids.
    you are probably still good company though.
    i can’t explain the visualization on here, i have to lead
    people through it as a meditation, but if people were interested in doing that i could arrange a group meditation on a conference call and we could all get into present time together…..wouldn’t that be fun….

    I feel you should get on the dating sites, because you still are you and you still have a ton to offer, it doesn’t matter if you are feeling blah, we all have blah days…..

    Hi Luzydel,
    Good to see you here



  263.  #263Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Hi Ulii,

    I would meet him. It’s only coffee, it’s nice to meet new people and how do you know what he wants. plus if you feel bored you can finish your coffee and go do your sireny stuff 😉



  264.  #264Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Ulii as long as you know you will not be providing any temporary entertainment I believe it is okay to meet for a drink. You just never know. Jilly recently had such an experience and actually enjoyed it. Just set your boundaries for yourself and stick by them is what I would say.



  265.  #265Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 6:01 am

    RE 257 HW you sound so grounded. See what a little awareness can do.



  266.  #266Turquoise on March 27, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Well that didn’t last long. My furnace is out, so I had to call him. I kept it short and to the point, nothing personal, didn’t ask him anything. It went a lot better than last time, but of course he said he thinks I turn it down too low and that he’s heard sometimes that is why they don’t kick back on. Um really, lol… so when we turn it on after being off all summer that doesn’t count? He wasn’t mad or anything, just had to make his comment. Then he said that he won’t be here til next week, so nothing he can do, just call the repair man. I know he doesn’t think I expect him to come fix things, so not sure why he feels the need to say that, but he did say that when he’s here next weekend he’ll take a look at some lights that aren’t working. My furnace won’t kick on at all, I tried the fuse box, but nothing. I’m wondering if I am having an electrical problem, or a furnace problem. My sister works for a HVAC company, so they’ll send someone over and we’ll start there. I’m going to be a little late for work, this just all put me behind by the time I noticed it…. so not exactly how I wanted to start my day. BUT, at least it’s sunny and clear out today. I think it’s going to be cool, but beautiful. I’m wearing my favorite color sweater, a touch of perfume and some cheery lipstick. Deep breath, it will be a good day!



  267.  #267Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 6:06 am

    “I’m not ready to let go. I don’t want to sever my golden cord. I want my feelings to really be expressed and felt, BUt also feeling like I want to be open to all love that is out there for me, and that I don’t know what’s coming…. so not shutting myself away from possibilities.”

    Turq from what I have learned, you can’t have both. Somehow we unconsciously block true love when we have soul ties to one or have what is considered a boy toy. It seems we do shut away ourselves from possibilities when we are attached to one. I would really look at what I truly believe and how I feel around this if I were you. You don’t want to be around a man who lies to himself, neither do you want to be lying to yourself either. It might cause you to wake you 20 years later beating yourself up about wasting your life waiting for someone who you can never have. I know – tough love. I use Mel as my inspiration when I think of these things.



  268.  #268Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 6:10 am

    “I know he doesn’t think I expect him to come fix things”. Turq is this thought really true? I might just be thinking that or he might be thinking this is your strategy for keeping the connection going. Who knows what goes on in other people’s mind anyway.

    I would encourage you to look at your reason/excuse why you would call him in such situations and maybe experiment with not calling to see how you feel or how you use your creative mind to find solutions for yourself.



  269.  #269Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 6:17 am

    RE 251 Luzydel I feel a tightening in my gut reading that. It comes across as jaded and a bit bitter though I can appreciate some of what you are saying. I also see that you are actually saying in a different way some things that Rori has said. For me I would rather not interact in any way relationship with men rather than be jaded.



  270.  #270ulii on March 27, 2012 at 6:18 am

    Thanks Memulo & Femininewoman. I think I will meet him. 🙂
    Although for me is hard to believe that he is not only waiting for temporary entertainment. Even if I agree, that we can’t know that beforehand.
    I have this urge to tell him I won’t be sleeping with him before I accept…. like I would assume, that is of course something he expects and maybe he wouldn’t invite me anymore knowing this.
    I know I have to work on this beliefs of mine really hard.



  271.  #271Turquoise on March 27, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Healing waterfall, that sounds interesting about the meditation. This is all new to me, I’m just feeling my way through it. I always feel better when I’m productive too…. makes me feel lighter, more ready to face the world. 🙂 Good job getting all that done this morning!!!

    Silvermoonbeam, I’m sorry to hear about your kids. My sister is having some similar issues with her grown kids, and we just had a long talk about it the other night. Yes, we never stop caring and worrying about our children. The golden cord thing is a little hard to explain, but Starla posted a link to this video that shows how to do the forgiveness mantra.
    I’m sorry
    Please forgive me
    Thank you
    I love you
    and in that she says that while you are saying those things, you are connecting your heart to theirs with a gold cord or beam of light (I don’t remember) and that your energy is flowing into them. It’s a way to feel really connected with someone, and if you visualize that while you are thinking of them, it’s supposed to help them feel it. Which, I think is true, because when my vibe is good and positive, I think everyone can feel it. 🙂 I’m going to experiment with that, see if I can bring some old relationships back to life (a childhood friend I don’t know how to find, healing a more recent friendship that ended about 1.5 years ago) just to see what happens.

    Ok, off to work, I’m going to be half an hour late already!!!!



  272.  #272Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 6:22 am

    The name Ramadancd does not bother me Lizka. I wish you the best on your interview and I hope you can keep talking to yourself and finding ways to keep your vibe and energy up like this. As Rori says in Reconnect “I am imaging you at a ringing singing ten” with 10 being the highest on the scale of your new normal. Where all the good things in life is coming towards you.



  273.  #273Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Ulii if it is a belief it is okay to find a palyful way to express it so he does not become defensive.



  274.  #274Turquoise on March 27, 2012 at 6:24 am

    FW, I have to call him. He owns the house and would not appreciate it if I didn’t keep him informed of repairs he’ll be paying for. He pays for all repairs. The last time the furnace needed fixed, it was almost $400.

    It would be really silly of me to think that he could come and take care of a repair. We’d either have to go without heat for the next 10 days, or that would mean I’d believe he could leave his job (at the Pentagon..lol, sure they’d love that) drive 4 hours, take care of it and go home. No, I know he doesn’t think I’m trying to keep a connection going by informing him of problems with the house. If I wanted to try and keep a connection going, it would be on sharing warm and funny things about the girls, pictures of them, or reminding him of happy times. Not furnace repairs.

    I also don’t want the financial responsiblity of the house, and our agreement was that I’d keep him informed, deal with the repairmen and that he’d pay for everything. So, I’m following what we decided.



  275.  #275Turquoise on March 27, 2012 at 6:27 am

    FW, I hear what you are saying, but I’m being honest that I don’t feel ready to cut the cord. Not saying it might not be the right decision… but I’m just not there yet.

    I’m open to meeting new people and dating. Just taking it day by day.



  276.  #276Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 6:30 am

    Turquoise I hope you read your own words and be true to yourself. For me when I write things like this it magnifies my awareness and helps me.



  277.  #277T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Lizka, good luck on your interview!



  278.  #278Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 6:32 am

    FW, Turquoise,

    What about RR 3rd way? To have him on the back of your horse and just live your life.

    As we know I didn’t listen to programs for a long time lol, so my quotation can be off, but I hope I’m passing the message across.



  279.  #279Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Ulii I have gone as far as saying “I don’t want to be sc#ewed”. The guy wasn’t even bothered by it. With one guy I shared that my son had said “no s#ex” to me once when we were going on a date and he exclaimed exuberantly because he thought it was so funny. I believe guys respect a woman who knows what she wants in her life and speaks up for herself as long as we are not nasty towards them. You are hot, it is okay to a certain extent to assume he wants you, who wouldn’t. Just don’t treat him like a criminal or villain if he is not.



  280.  #280T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Luzydel, remember that the first thing that Rori (and every other dating/relationship expert) teaches is to love yourself first and have your own life. It is not all about the man but I get the impression that is what you think we are all about? Focusing on the man?



  281.  #281Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 6:35 am

    Memulo I believe that is what T is doing but somehow I sense a bit of investment in the ex that could possibly block connection with others.



  282.  #282LiliBee on March 27, 2012 at 6:35 am

    251:

    Hi Luzydel,

    I feel compelled to comment “I don’t feel accepted on this blog”.
    I feel compelled bc for a while now, I see myself in you. In fact, I see you as a mirror of me just 2 years ago.
    I don’t feel it easy to connect with you on this blog.
    I feel a cold wall, like the one I had.
    I don’t see you open and inviting to receive from the sirens, as well as men.
    I don’t feel your warmth, I feel cold and shut out.

    I’m afraid you’ll feel insulted at my comments.
    But I’m hoping you’ll feel triggered into feeling that coldness deeply so the warmth can radiate through to the surface like it happened for me.

    All these men that have cheated on me and left me for someone else or simply poofed…all did bc of feeling that cold wall of mine. I was closed off and shut down and it was impossible for any man to feel connected with me…and when they found a warm woman they could connect to, they left me behind.
    I was never cheated on bc the man was a simple player, they always cheated bc they found another woman who was warm and easy to connect to…All 4 of them! They are all in comitted relationships today with the same woman they cheated on me with.

    The right man can’t feel your warmth and see your heart. When your heart is open and warm, the good men show up and the once bad men become good.
    I am sick and tired of seeing my men treat me bad, then go and be loyal devoted and comitted to another woman.

    I am writing this more for me than for you Luzydel.

    I am really grateful that you are here and I get to experience me from 2 years ago to now.

    Don’t quit the blog Luzydel! even if you don’t feel accepted…keep thawing out those feelings and eventually you will feel accepted.

    I used to feel like an outcast my whole life. I haven’t felt that way since last fall.



  283.  #283Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Since I came to this blog I have learned how to effectively take the focus off the man and put it on myself. It was a bit of a hit or miss in the pass mixed with bitterness.



  284.  #284Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Sirens,

    if anyone has an advice for me I’d highly appreciate it. I feel that I can filter out a lot of weeds early on and I don’t engage in disrespectful relationships. Otherwise I am really not an expert on how to hold my ground. I get lost, I don’t defend myself and that makes me feel weak and at mercy of the other person’s good will. And this is a terrible feeling ;(



  285.  #285T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 6:40 am

    Brenda, it sounds like you did awesome with Copcd standing by your boundaries. What a great foundation you laid down.



  286.  #286LiliBee on March 27, 2012 at 6:47 am

    My new cd asked if things were over, final and resolved w my ex.

    Honestly, no.
    D put everything I ever wanted (even secretly wanted) on the table without my asking.
    I want to see if he’ll deliver.
    I still want to keep my options open.
    I do have 2 other CDs.

    I want to be open and honest bc that’s how I want men to be with me.

    So I should just tell new cd: “My ex is still hanging around. I want to keep all of my options open until I feel safe with a man that steps up to the plate completely.”

    That doesn’t feel right. Does anyone have any ideas on how to tweak this more FMish?



  287.  #287Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 6:50 am

    Lili,

    I did post an answer to your question late last night – it’s not exactly what you are saying above, so perhaps you just didn’t like it, but making sure you saw it.



  288.  #288Lizka on March 27, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Ahh I feel socheered up to have Turquoise and HW following me in my Challenge and mirroring me! I can do a few more days just on that energy!! 🙂
    Happy Day 1 to both of you!



  289.  #289Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Good morning Sirens 🙂

    Daria…I feel so happy to see you were inspired and I love that you got ready and did things that felt good…and it IS working out for you!! 🙂

    Lizka…it feels so refreshing to see how you have switched your focus to you and how much energy you are putting into you..even when you wake up…think a thought of ATW and you don’t even let it dwell..you say NOPE not gonna happen :)…you are becoming such a siren rockstar 🙂



  290.  #290Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 7:04 am

    lilibee…I think that FM sounds good…maybe say “My ex has had a change of heart (men seem really confused that we keep our ex’s around) I have had this question asked a lot “so are you still dating your boyfriend/husband?”



  291.  #291Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 7:06 am

    ((((Silver Moonbeam))))



  292.  #292T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 7:07 am

    I still struggle sometimes with keeping the focus on me and that is why I am forever greatful for this blog. I dont ever want to lose my identity again like I did in my marriage. I can have my own identity AND a great relationship. I sometimes want to convince people that this stuff works because I am living it but if one isnt ready then there is no convincing.



  293.  #293T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Silver Moonbeam, sorry to hear about what you have been going through.



  294.  #294Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 7:11 am

    Memulo,

    RE: #237 – “Btw, please don’t feel bad, they always (well often) try and it’s an indication that they are attracted to you You just don’t have to take it.”

    Thanks, I guess you’re right. I just don’t want to be someone’s booty call. I think I made my point last night, and tactfully.



  295.  #295Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Memulo…why are you worried about standing up for yourself with cd? this feels bad that you are even thinking this.

    Do you feel lost right now and at the mercy of CD? because that’s the feeling I get from your post

    “I get lost, I don’t defend myself and that makes me feel weak and at mercy of the other person’s good will. And this is a terrible feeling ;(“



  296.  #296Emoticon on March 27, 2012 at 7:14 am

    @ Daria, yes its me lol one of my favorite heart break songs



  297.  #297Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 7:14 am

    yay Brenda!!! 🙂



  298.  #298Emoticon on March 27, 2012 at 7:15 am

    Lillibee, that shopping experience with your man sounds wonderful 🙂



  299.  #299Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 7:16 am

    T-Girl,

    RE: #284 – “Brenda, it sounds like you did awesome with Copcd standing by your boundaries. What a great foundation you laid down.”

    Thank you.



  300.  #300Emoticon on March 27, 2012 at 7:16 am

    awww Tiffany, the friendship thing with someone you were involved with can feel so difficult and it feels so easy to want more.



  301.  #301Emoticon on March 27, 2012 at 7:17 am

    “Any man who gets me will wake up knowing he is the luckiest man alive as I have sooo much to offer.

    As such I am in no hurry to jump in with two feet into a relationship. I am taking my time and want to keep my options open.”

    WOW CAN I STEAL THIS????



  302.  #302Emoticon on March 27, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Hey Brenda and Jilly, good morning.



  303.  #303Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Memulo,

    RE: #243 – “Last time we saw each other he said that my forgetting stuff at his place was symbolic ”

    What he said feels romantic to me. When a man accidentally leaves stuff at my house…and I mean a man to whom I feel attracted…I enjoy touching it, sniffing it, and thinking about him.



  304.  #304Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Good morning Emoticon 🙂



  305.  #305Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Jilly,

    Thank you 😉 Please can you read my post #243 – feeling curious as to what you think about it.



  306.  #306Emoticon on March 27, 2012 at 7:25 am

    i wanna join the challenge too Lizka…. i would officially be on day 2 right now lol, because i leaned forward on Sunday. lol but one CD leaned forward Sunday night n took me and my cousin 2 a movie. One leaned forward yesterday and so i told him i was sick (food poisoning 🙁 )….. and one leaned forward today with a “Good Morning there” text.



  307.  #307Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 7:26 am

    Jilly,

    Yes, I feel off balance because on Sunday when he was leaving my place he said maybe we will see each other Sunday night again, he will let me know, but o9n Sunday night I got a text – thank you for dinner. I told him that on Monday I was going to see a show next door to where he lives and said he is welcome to join if he feels like buying a ticket for himself and he said he’d have to buy 2 tickets so we can sit together and sell mine and I said it’s up to him. I did not hear from him on monday at all, i.e. whether he decided to go to the show or not and that felt weird.

    So twice he had a chance to see me and chose not to.



  308.  #308LiliBee on March 27, 2012 at 7:26 am

    212:

    Sorry Memulo, I went over last night’s posts too fast and overlooked yours.
    I backtracked just now and found it.

    I treat D as more than a friend.
    He made small public shows of affection on Saturday and I said I liked it.
    I told D about my other CDs. I said I wanted to keep my options open until I feel safe that he is truly comitted.
    He asked if his being in therapy helps me to feel safe. I said “Definitely. I’ll see how I feel once your therapy is under way.”

    Just by putting the word “feel” in your post Memulo, brought me back to MY feelings and honouring those 1st and foremost.

    So I will focus on ME, MY feelings, and taking care of ME instead of focusing on my fear of the cd poofing.
    I will be connected to my true self and Mcd can do what he wants to with it.



  309.  #309Emoticon on March 27, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Hey Memulo, good morning



  310.  #310Emoticon on March 27, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Good Morning LiliBee



  311.  #311Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Memulo…I’m going to give you my honest thoughts/feelings…

    men say things all the time that can make us feel really good. But I don’t see his actions matching up with his words. 🙁 You seem to be left hanging all the time “wondering” what he is doing, thinking, feeling

    At this point him saying that about you leaving stuff behind means absolutely nothing. He is not making you feel loved, cared for, adored or safe….is he?



  312.  #312Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 7:29 am

    On Z100 they were talking about leaving your stuff at the man’s house and that men understand it as a girl marking out her territory. It registered in my mind as masculine energy.



  313.  #313Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Good morning Emoticon. Your week sounds like it’s raining CD’s so far 🙂



  314.  #314Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 7:31 am

    Good morning, Emoticon!



  315.  #315Starla on March 27, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Starla is a naughty siren who called into work sick

    but eh, i’m slow at work and i have all these sick days…thank you, corporate america



  316.  #316Emoticon on March 27, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Good Morning FW and Starla…

    Starla, dont feel bad, I am supposed 2 be at school from yesterday. I am still on SPRING BREAK all the way in Connecticut, 6 hours away from school with my family lol



  317.  #317Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Luzydel,

    RE: #251 – I feel sad to read you don’t feel accepted on the blog. Just march to your own drum, express yourself. Be yourself.

    That is a lot of why I feel turned off by Cop. He is seeing me as a body and wanting to turn me into an unpaid hooker.

    I want to be known and loved. I want a man to see my heart, mind, soul, and spirit. Then when he touches my body, he is touching ME, not a body.



  318.  #318Starla on March 27, 2012 at 7:40 am

    I kept thinking this morning that I would regret not taking a day off of work today when I was on my deathbed

    really, they can do without me today. and i can spend my hours doing something besides work:)



  319.  #319Silver Moonbeam on March 27, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Thanks ladies, I know it’s not the end of the world but I do tend to take on other people’s pain. 🙁

    I value your support and it means so much to come on here and vent.



  320.  #320Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Jilly,

    I don’t know, all this time he kept on saying he misses me, he needs me, we had a daily contact for at least a month, mostly texts but sometimes phone calls too, we saw each other twice a week pretty much all this time and sometimes intimacy was involved, like half of the time I’d say.

    Of course compliments saying that I am beautiful, I look fantastic, so sexy, etc. He is not that great on complimenting to be honest. On the last date I mentioned that it was 2 months exactly since our first date. He told me what I was wearing on the 1st date and what food I ordered (I didn’t ask him of course lol).

    I guess it’s not just him leaving me ‘wondering’ since Sunday, but I have a ‘wondering’ nature lol, like FW expressed I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    I feel that saying he is not nice, doesn’t make me feel loved and such is just simply not true. But I am wondering why he didn’t tell me what’s the deal on Sunday night and last night.



  321.  #321Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 7:48 am

    FW,

    I didn’t leave my stuff to mark anything.. I felt that there was no need anyway, he was falling for me. I was just leaving his place at odd times and in a rush and yes I felt distracted.

    So you don’t think that his words in post #243 mean that he is commitment phobic and accuses me of trying ‘to get him’?



  322.  #322Silver Moonbeam on March 27, 2012 at 7:51 am

    #251 Luzydel

    I think you should hang in here too!! 🙂

    You may be RRR = Rori Raye Resistant 😀

    I know I was when I first joined it took a LONG time for it to sink in especially all that stuff about long hair and wearing pink and baby blue, I thought it was a right load of old rubbish even though I could see the light by reading the e book.

    And like FW I can see some RR in your post taken from another angle.

    But of course we are not RR clones or groupies and we all have our own way of doing and saying things and honestly some of the things we are “supposed” to say I don’t think I can ever say, like gushing or calling myself a girl for instance. But that’s OK we each find our own way of making this work for US as long as we get the basics right.

    Hang in there!!



  323.  #323Silver Moonbeam on March 27, 2012 at 7:53 am

    #317 Starla

    One of my old bosses (female) used to understand that sometimes it’s just too hard to come to work and would let us take a Duvet Day. 😀

    Duvet = comforter, I just translated it to American.



  324.  #324Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 7:55 am

    Memulo…there seems to be a disconnect…

    you say he does and says all these things but then you analyze it to death.

    i’m wondering if you really felt good about everything if you would analyze it?

    I’m wondering how you can shift this energetically so that you can let him fill you up and be ok when he doesn’t without going into analyzing….



  325.  #325Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Memulo honestly I feel uncomfortable commenting on your situation. I sense that you are only opening to words that you want. I hope other sirens will give you their impression of what you write.



  326.  #326Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Starla…awww…he mentioned moving back? cute 🙂

    I know you don’t want to tell him what to do AT ALL…but I’m wondering if he knows what you really want? Did you express that? Not in hypothetical terms of “I want a committed relationship which is marriage or lifetime commitment” but a real life scenario…I want to be married and live together and see each other everyday…and have a life together. And what his thoughts are about it.

    yay for taking the day off! 🙂



  327.  #327Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Jilly,

    Thank you, so is CDing (not romantically in my case, I don’t feel right about that) i.e. going out with friends and keeping focus on myself and my life your answer?

    I am still wondering what the right words are when I AM triggered.. that’s what bothers me, I feel afraid not to do the right thing, not to express myself in a sireny way.



  328.  #328Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 8:13 am

    memulo…

    I think you deserve to be with someone who doesn’t keep you guessing AT ALL. That’s just me though…and I think you are hung up on this guy so it’s hard to see outside the “relationship”. I feel happy you are here on the blog so you can become strong on the inside.



  329.  #329Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Jilly,

    Ok, so next time I talk to him I can express that I felt surprised not to hear this decision about whether he wants to go to the show on Monday.

    How does it sound to you?



  330.  #330Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Memulo…you can…if it makes you feel better…

    but the “sireny” thing to do would be to NOT bring it up and start really watching and paying attention to his ACTIONS…not what he says.

    yes this means you have to sit with these feelings and thoughts of why he didn’t contact you about the show.



  331.  #331Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 8:26 am

    sitting with your uncomfortable feelings without doing anything about it is where the healing and transformation is with men



  332.  #332Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Jilly,

    ‘sitting with your uncomfortable feelings without doing anything about it is where the healing and transformation is with men’

    I don’t understand what it means.

    Don’t you think that expressing how I feel is good because it’s being open and also it shows him that I don’t like to be treated this way?



  333.  #333Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Jilly,

    I sense that you don’t trust him. I am not there yet, I am not sure what to think. There was one day without a contact if to look at facts. Of course, it was a day when he could spend time with me before/during/after the show and he chose not to.



  334.  #334Silver Moonbeam on March 27, 2012 at 8:36 am

    #330 Jilly

    I know you are helping Memulo here, but I don’t get this either:

    “sitting with your uncomfortable feelings without doing anything about it is where the healing and transformation is with men”

    I thought we were supposed to give FM’s out, good and bad, like “don’t wants?”

    Confused.



  335.  #335lk on March 27, 2012 at 8:36 am

    hi!

    well, my talk with CD about the Neighbors went well : ) i said what i planned on saying & he was surprised that I thought she was Seeking anything From Him – & he thought (as I do too) that that is probably how she relates to all men. & he actually mentioned that since he speaks more, she might just be reacting to that or even think i don’t like her & i agreed that possibly since we both have a history of having more male friends that possibly we trigger something in each other.

    we agreed that there is no threat there for our relationship… he said at one point, “there will always be stxpid bxtches” – shocking language from such a dear man ! – “but i’m attracted to You, the way you carry yourself & your character” & i said, “there are a lot of wonderful women” & he said, “yes, & there are men for them too. but i’m not for anyone else.”

    & also, like i said, he mentioned he is not very sensitive to being flirted with, “unless they touch my junk” LOL & i said, “good, baby. that’s the part i care about too & i’m glad you’re such a charming, affable gentleman when we go out. it feels so wonderful to be with you.”

    BUT he’s pretty sure she’s not flirting anyway. he says he knows she used to work at hooter’s, so she is used to a flirtatious demeanor with men (& then i did mention that i had noticed the outfit she wore when we went over. he hadn’t noticed, but thought it was a) yes, odd & of course lk wouldn’t do that; but b) innocuous) & also that he thinks the work she does now requires her to be that way with men, which makes sense & resonates. i trust his read on her as well, because i’m not so used to women anyway, especially young married women, & also because they all have more similar backgrounds than i do…. so in some ways i feel like they’re all always speaking in code around me (cd knows this & always helps me later by explaining things. sometimes i really don’t get things & it’s embarrassing).

    about the bickering/criticizing each other, cd agrees it’s annoying & undesirable, but since we don’t spend much time with them, it’s mostly just funny. he actually suggested that it’s their way of affection – it’s in such stark contrast to their relations with other people… LOL if they “get off” on arguing all the time : )

    i did say, ok, but if someone ever crosses a line, i’m not going to say anything. that’s your place. & if someone makes a move, you better be like, “bxtch, i’m taken. don’t come within 5 feet unless you want me to kick the heels off your shoes” & he was like, “yeah, baby… i’d say i’m flattered but i love someone else very deeply”

    ….

    & then still when i woke up for some reason i was feeling residual weird anxiety… i got into the shower & was thinking about it… wondering if it was insane to try to talk about it again… & cd came into the shower with me & i said, “ok, i’m not cr8zy… but… there is a point where you would draw the line with someone… *not saying Neighbors are even slightly likely to approach this line* …. where you would decide they were totally inappropriate to be around ? & he was like, sure. they’d probably have to be really dramatic like put a hand on my bxlls, but, yeah.

    & then we had really intimate, fun sxx in the shower LOL… & then… because i’m like the most romantic, fun girl on the planet, i was like…… ” ok, but…” & he just started cracking up & i started laughing & i was like, just bear with me baby, it’s almost over…

    & he held me & listened to me & i said, “you know what i want, right baby ? i know what you want.. i know that if someone put a hand on my waist at a party that you’d want me to take a step away from them or whatever, you know ?” & he said, i don’t go to parties where the men touch the women inappropriately… & i said, i just really feel touch is intimate… & he said, “me too. very intimate. i don’t want to touch anyone else & i don’t want anyone else touching me.” & he said, “if you think you’re weird, you know i kind of want you in turtlenecks & a hijab, right ?” & i said, i know. i kind of want that too. i said, i feel attractive & i don’t need other people’s eyes on me to feel that way… & i said, i feel beautiful when you look at me & i feel turned on when you look at me… & i thanked him for being so wonderful & he thanked me too. yup, i got thanked for being an obsessive, “jealous” shrew lol



  336.  #336Turquoise on March 27, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Memulo and FW, I am a little stuck on putting him on the back of my horse, because I do stil see and talk with him. So, going to try and separate my feelings for him from how we’ll co parent. It’s going to take a little experimenting to find what works, but I feel pretty good about it. putting my energy on me and totally off him will help! I doubt he’ll be back in until May, so just get through next weekend with his birthday and Easter…. And should be much easier when I see him again. Time really makes it easier for me! Ann’s FW u r right about my feelings for him being in the way of starting something new, but I have to process that. Cant just shut it off.



  337.  #337Mochaberri on March 27, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Morning Sirens!

    @ Jilly #329 – I understand your advice to Memulo. here’s something that I makes me feel confused about it and am looking for feedback:

    but the “sireny” thing to do would be to NOT bring it up and start really watching and paying attention to his ACTIONS…not what he says.

    I agree with the part about paying attention to his actions and what feelings arise within by doing that – what confuses me is part – but the “sireny” thing to do would be to NOT bring it up

    Aren’t we not to stuff down our feelings by not communicating how we feel using dfeeling messages?



  338.  #338LoveAlways on March 27, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Good morning sirens!

    My body is not feeling well, but my spirits are high!

    Trying to catch up reading the blog still

    Lush_Oasis
    # 196 – His requests make me feel like he needs more than I have to offer and that he is trying to make me into something he wants but I am not. I feel both glad and sad to have realized this because I know this is a for now situation, not forever.

    Lilibee
    # 197 – seems to me that the old relationship with D was resolved. What remains is your relationship with yourself in the presence of your CDs, regardless to who they are.

    Ulii
    # 258 – I would go to the coffee date and practice my siren tools.



  339.  #339Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Memulo…how about this…

    Do what feels best to you. If it’s expressing yourself and how you felt about this situation… then do it 🙂 it’s ALL practice 🙂



  340.  #340lk on March 27, 2012 at 8:45 am

    & also… the other day when i found myself like unbelievably pulled to look at cd’s exgirlfriend’s facebook for some reason ?

    well, turns out she sent him an email that day. weird, right ?

    he offered to let me read it but i don’t want to. i feel really sad for her & i wish her really well. he told her she could call the house if she had an emergency, but that otherwise it wasn’t appropriate to call because i was living there now & it was my home.

    very sweet, but i still feel sad thinking of it. & also, completely baffled why any sane woman would walk away from CD !



  341.  #341LoveAlways on March 27, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Silver Moonbeam
    #321

    RRR – that’s cute!!!



  342.  #342Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Mochaberri…

    yes…but in this case Memulo leaned forward and mentioned she had a ticket to a show and I can’t remember the details but it wasn’t HIS idea…and I’m not even sure he said he would get back to her….

    so him not getting back to her and then her bringing it up is just adding to the leaning forward…

    lnstead of taking his “answer” or actions for what it was and moving on…it’s like not taking NO for an answer. That is what I mean about sitting with uncomfortable feelings



  343.  #343lk on March 27, 2012 at 8:50 am

    & actually that minor “obsession” on facebook allowed me to totally let go of the actual ruminations i’d been experiencing & just love the girl. felt really good. i love my partner’s ex-girlfriend. feels so good lol



  344.  #344Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 8:51 am

    “The instinct of a man is to pursue everything that flies from him ,and to fly from all that pursue him. ”

    Blue Rodeo, House of Dreams



  345.  #345Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Silver Moonbeam and all 🙂

    sorry for the confusion…what I meant was…

    to me it felt like not taking NO for an answer and wanting and explanation…

    thats where I believe sitting with uncomfortable feelings is healing and transformative with men



  346.  #346LiliBee on March 27, 2012 at 8:52 am

    311:

    Memulo, FW:

    To me it depends on the stage of the relationship.
    Leaving things behind early in the relationship feels a whole lot different to me then when it is a more developped relationship.

    I had forgotten little pieces of jewellery at D’s house a couple of times.
    He had said that he liked seeing my things there on his dresser while I was gone. He was all smiley about it.
    But that was at the 6 to 9 month mark when I knew he really wanted our relationship to be serious and comitted.

    But when he was no longer comitted, I felt almost apologetic and out-of-place about forgetting my stuff at his place.



  347.  #347Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 8:56 am

    lk…i love that story 🙂 yay!



  348.  #348lk on March 27, 2012 at 8:56 am

    & then when he said, “she emailed me last week & she called today while we were out… you can read her email…..” etc. etc., putting me in control of the situation, asking me what would make me comfortable, i was able to just say, “baby, i trust you to handle it in a gentle way where i’ll feel safe” & then later i actually did express that i did not want some things, like hearing him talk low on the phone to another woman…or him carrying on an extended, emotional email correspondence….

    all very good. i feel very safe & happy : )



  349.  #349Silver Moonbeam on March 27, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Ah OK Jilly, I think I get it now, but you know I am such a slow to learn Siren. 🙂



  350.  #350Lizka on March 27, 2012 at 9:00 am

    FW 271 –

    Thank you. I really want to keep talking to myself and this is also what the challenge is about.

    And the interview is not today, it’s tomorrow. RamadanCD made a mistake but I think it’s still very cute that he thought of me. Not like we’ve talk yesterday, our last contact was Friday!!



  351.  #351Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Memulo…

    I didn’t realize that’s what I was sayin/feeling…that he said “no” by his actions

    If he had asked you to the show the whole thing would be/feel different…

    but nothing was set in stone and it was vague…

    so expressing your disappointment doesn’t really fit to me…



  352.  #352lk on March 27, 2012 at 9:02 am

    (((Jilly))) thank you for all the support yesterday!!!

    i re-read everyone’s comments like 3 times before i brought anything up : ))) it felt so much easier to read everyone’s less emotional takes : )



  353.  #353Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 9:05 am

    Silver Moonbeam…I felt the need to explain it before anyone even said anything lol…k I need to eat something already 🙂



  354.  #354Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Jilly,

    thank you so much, I understand it better now too. Also, I felt disappointed though other sirens tried to calm me down yesterday that though the theater was right where he lives he didn’t make plans to see me before/after the show either. That didn’t feel good.



  355.  #355vashi on March 27, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Hi Rori,
    I have a question.There is a guy who i have been with since 5 yrs.For an year we were friends.Then,eventually i started feeling attracted towards him.He did have a crush on me when he saw me first but dint reveal.It was revealed by one our common friends Jack.When it was jack’s birthday,i was at his place due to some unavoidable situation and he was not there.Then he came late nd dropped me bak at my place.Next morning i told my BF(who was then just a frnd) that i was with jack.Though jack said that my BF(Donny) would not appreciate it.I dont know what made me tell this.This brought jak and my friendship to an end.Then one day in a park,i was upset over the fact that evry was thinkn that i came between to best frnds(jack and donny).And i panicked an dcried.Donny was with me and supportive.In that situation he liplocked me.And then again i did it.And eventually we fell in rltn and been ther till 4 yrs.Since last 1 yr he strtd saying tht he dsnt luv me.We broke 1ce back aftr 2 yrs of our rltn.Reason was i dint frgive him for kissing a gilr aftr being too much drunk n a pub.He told me this whn he was drunk.Then he broke up.And i tried getting him back.In that time jack called me up and i met him for 10 min.Aftr 4 mnths donny and i got back in relation but i dint tell him about me meeting jak.Then i told him aftr few months.Then he got way too much angry but he understud.Then last yr in march,he met jack and i dont know what jack said about our meeting,since then donny drifted away.He strtd saying tht he dsnt love me,though a nyt before he was saying that he wants things to work out.Then i askd him we cn give time to each othr and then might he ccn feel fr me again.He denied but then agreed.But not in real.In last 1yr we dint meet more than 8 times in which all we had was sex.we met 2ce last time in a group of frnds,when he was way 2 much drunk.Then he said tht he loves md but cn t ask me to stay fr 3 yrs cos my family will ask me to get married.Then he said wait fr me for 3 yrs.Then aftr that nyt,he dint talk for 2days.Then all he said was “i am sorry,its getting complicated.I dont love you.I dont remmber.We end it here.”This was on text.Since then i am trying but all he says is he dsnt love me.even he abused me to great xtent.How can i get him bak?Is there any possiblty??



  356.  #356Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Lili,

    #345: yes, at first over text he jokingly mentioned all these things I left behind and said it was cute, then he comes over and gives me the speech about how this is a symbol of me not really willing to leave his place, the same as when he gives me flowers it’s like his presence at my house.



  357.  #357lk on March 27, 2012 at 9:17 am

    i think i’ve written it here before… & also i don’t want to debate anything : ) … but i find the idea beautiful

    the suggestion of the hijab – if you had a gigantic ruby, would you carry it uncovered on the back of your cart ? or would you keep it concealed & only unveil its splendor in the security of Private Life ?

    modesty as high self-appraisal



  358.  #358Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 9:17 am

    lk..you are welcome 🙂 I feel happy he is such a great guy!!!



  359.  #359Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 9:20 am

    He just texted that they’re filming a famous show in his neighborhood 😉

    Not sure what to reply, plus I am getting busy here.. Is it ok not to respond for a while? I guess it is



  360.  #360Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Memulo… I feel happy that it makes more sense to you.



  361.  #361Rori Raye on March 27, 2012 at 9:20 am

    vashi – I’d like to encourage you to get professional counseling. Any woman who wants a man as bad as awful-behaving as the one you describe is hating herself and punishing herself. Please work on you and get away from this man. Love, Rori



  362.  #362Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 9:23 am

    lk..@356…no debating…

    just think that modesty and being humble are over rated 🙂

    if you got it flaunt it 😉



  363.  #363Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Jilly,

    Yes it does!! I feel that by now I come across as like ‘nothing can make her happy’.

    I am shutting up, I promise, but still thinking that I would have gotten back to him (or any friend) and say I can’t make the show.



  364.  #364Starla on March 27, 2012 at 9:30 am

    “sitting with your uncomfortable feelings without doing anything about it is where the healing and transformation is with men”

    i agree with this 100%, and I can see how it seems confusing and contradictory to a lot of women here, so I wish I knew how to explain what a benefit it has been in my love life to adopt this, and what it looks like to adopt it.



  365.  #365lk on March 27, 2012 at 9:32 am

    @jilly

    no slxt-shaming

    i feel good nxked in public too : )

    i imagine my spirit is a naked woman, golden hair streaming over golden skin, resting her head on the shoulder of a lion…. & she is relaxed & safe, because the lion is the king of the jungle ! & she is the queen : )

    lol anywayz, my point is, i only show people my ruby, when i’m 100% sure it won’t get stolen (e.g. if there is a lion next to me)



  366.  #366LiliBee on March 27, 2012 at 9:32 am

    337:

    LoveAlways,

    “# 197 – seems to me that the old relationship with D was resolved. What remains is your relationship with yourself in the presence of your CDs, regardless to who they are.”

    Thank you for putting that in perspective, reminding me to focus on me.



  367.  #367lk on March 27, 2012 at 9:37 am

    seriously the biggest problem with this job is that every deadline is always either “tomorrow” or “this afternoon” or “as soon as possible” 0_o gives me a brain melt



  368.  #368lk on March 27, 2012 at 9:39 am

    & @jilly, i didn’t mean the “lion” as an external thing – i mean the lion is the part of me that takes care of me : )



  369.  #369Starla on March 27, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Memulo, I know it sucks that he didn’t get back to you about the show, but I honestly believe it was a natural reaction for him to kinda forget about it and space it out or not mean it too seriously in response to what was superduper leaning forward by inviting him. and i think it is a great sign (yay) and a big hint that he wants to do the leading here, as he said he would rather by 2 tickets next to each other VS. come in as a ‘friend’. I wouldn’t say anything to him about it except how much you enjoyed it, and kinda take this as a clue that this is a Masculine man who prefers to lead, even if he doesn’t realize it at a super conscious level (because we’re all conditioned at this point to think women should be doing work in a Courtship).

    Memulo………did you ever fix that dang CD player??? Do you want me to send you one? lol.:):) Modern Siren is going to make you feel so much better and not worried about things so often, i can almost promise it!!



  370.  #370lk on March 27, 2012 at 9:40 am

    @starla 364

    ooh tell me more



  371.  #371Starla on March 27, 2012 at 9:44 am

    lk, i specialized in middle eastern and muslim studies for my honors history track in college, and my close friend married a muslim right around then, too, and i also really believe that hijab is a beautiful thing. I did a couple of presentations on it and its culture, and there is a great documentary i should check out of the school library (they order it from california) and loan to you. it’s all these really bright muslim women talking about hijab and what it means to them.

    this is independent of laws that oppress women for not observing it, of course!



  372.  #372LiliBee on March 27, 2012 at 9:50 am

    So maaaany men, so little time, what can I doohooo. You know the disco song?

    I poofed on AdrenalineCD (Adrenaline junkie). He lives too far and he kept asking me questions without ever revealing the tinyest hint of anything about himself. That felt creepy.
    I didn’t analyze, it just felt off, so I poofed.

    This new Mcd feels good. I get a good vibe from what he writes. Like a simple joyful vibe.
    He feels like a breath of fresh air.
    I feel comfortable in being open with him.

    Wcd feels safe.
    But safe in a constricting way.
    I feel constricted by his severe judgemental stance.
    Sort of a mirror of myself 2 years ago.
    I remember having that severe judgemental stance…oufff no wonder my men were desperately hanging on to their freedom…I feel myself scared of losing my freedom and ‘life’ with this Wcd.
    I feel safe that he would never lie to me or play me…but not safe bc he is so judgemental and controlling of his friends (imagine his gf).
    He is also very judgemental of women.

    Dcd, well…ya know. I feel so cozy and comfortable with him, like totally myself, now that I can face that fear of intimacy that I had deeply rooted when I met him.
    He feels warm and fun to me.
    I feel scared to trust him, eventhough things are different and I’m different.



  373.  #373Starla on March 27, 2012 at 9:52 am

    lk it’s soooo hard to describe…but it’s kinda like…i stop reacting to the external situation in real time with leaning forward. and and instead take my time to just be uncomfortable and love that part of myself and not follow the compulsion to Fix it all the time.

    speaking our feelings freely is an important Rori tool, and so is giving up control urges and urgency and letting him lead. so it probably seems tricky when i describe it



  374.  #374Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 9:54 am

    lk…my apologies of being ignorant…I don’t know about the hijab :/

    I was just talking in universal terms 🙂

    Starla…i feel really good that what i said resonated with you…it is hard to explain how it looks and when it’s for the best. I feel sure that sitting with those feelings has made me stronger on the inside and happier in my life



  375.  #375Jilly on March 27, 2012 at 9:56 am

    memulo…I’m just going to say one more thing…

    I don’t think “nothing can make her happy” infact I think the opposite…I think you are ready to find happiness and you are looking in all the wrong places



  376.  #376lk on March 27, 2012 at 10:07 am

    @starla i hear you – a lot of times my “uncomfortable” feelings totally melt away ! & become magical fairy dust revelations that make me feel amazing ! : )))

    & a lot of times it’s not what’s being said, but how i’m hearing it – so sometimes when i feel like saying, “Yeah, but, well i’m a brat ! ” i can just say, “thank you : ) ” instead – & mean it.

    i agree, i like both parts – not blaming/feeling urgency around feelings that come up, just noticing & experiencing; & then sharing my feelings authentically… but i love the “soup” because that’s the mix – the layering – the ambivalence – that gives you a choice & access to both the Highs & the Lows



  377.  #377Starla on March 27, 2012 at 10:17 am

    “but i love the “soup” because that’s the mix – the layering – the ambivalence – that gives you a choice & access to both the Highs & the Lows”

    that is awesome…i feel incredible seeing how that’s where the choice is

    i want a deliberate life, full of choices



  378.  #378Leo on March 27, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Hi Ladies!

    I’ve already posted how well “speaking my truth” worked for me last week with my man.
    Ha….it went even better. On this past weekend I got everything (!) I missed and more…
    We cooked together, no TV running, just talking (and listening!!) and laughing. Then we watched a movie und cuddled. Saturday, we slept in which we hadnt done in quite a while. And… each of us got up, brushed their teeth and went back to bed. So we stayed in bed all morning 😀
    On Saturday night when going to bed, he told me that I am so close to him as nobody else ever was. I felt so amazing… And on Sunday… he seduced me 😉

    And all this, just because I told him what and how I felt, what I missed, what I want and dont want. Because of that my inner feelings changed, too. I was proud of myself. He must have felt this.
    It is amazing…

    Last week on Tuesday… I was not so happy about our coming up anniversary. But now… I am so excited for tomorrow. It will be four years.

    I dont expect him to give me flowers (he does so when he feels like, doesnt need a certain day) and neither a big restaurant (dont have much money right now). I am just happy about the fact itself.

    Though I still think about what I could do for him… If I should write him a love letter (maybe even read it out)…
    I wanna do something to show him my love.
    Any suggestions?

    🙂
    -Leo-



  379.  #379luzydel on March 27, 2012 at 10:22 am

    @ 282 Lilly

    It feel bad to read that the reason you feel your previous relationship failed was because of you. That’s the tone I get from this blog that it’s all women’s fault. Deep inside you know that is not true! I I’m off beat and I believe that one day the right man will show up, but Im enjoying why I’m doing right now, I get
    jaded when I CD when I follow others. I have yet to see a happy ending on the blog it’s lilke most people like doing the same thing over and over and expect different results; right now I feel at peace. Love is not a numbers game .



  380.  #380lk on March 27, 2012 at 10:23 am

    (((Leo))) awesome : ) happy anniversary !



  381.  #381Starla on March 27, 2012 at 10:25 am

    my friend suggested i try plugging my tv into the internet cable in the wall to see if i get reception of any lucky kind, and i have over a hundred channels on my tv now!

    it all feel so weird to me because i have been without a tv for years now, and i feel strongly against having it in my house. but now i am contemplating all the ways tv is a gift of science, and how it’s often just a made up obligation to be “anti-” anything.

    I feel excited to experiment with having TV around. I do watch some shows online, so now I can watch them when they air on the television:)



  382.  #382lk on March 27, 2012 at 10:27 am

    @luzydel, i feel like a happy ending : ) but relationships – with a man, friends, family, or with myself – feel complex & dynamic & i enjoy the space to explore them here with such support : )))



  383.  #383lilybelle on March 27, 2012 at 10:32 am

    215:

    OMG! This just happened to me on Sunday evening!

    Harley actually said it out loud to me…

    “I keep asking myself how I got so lucky..”



  384.  #384lk on March 27, 2012 at 10:43 am

    cool, starla : ) cd just told me that actually we have tv (LOL) & i had the same feeling : ))) a little comedy show puts me in the best mood : ))))))) like parks & recreation or something… beavis & butthead for some reason is like my all-time fave show & cd just bought me season 4 which is HILARIOUS because it integrates clips from contemporary mtv shows (jersey shore, teen mom, etc.) that i’ve never seen, but they’re all over pop culture… & then beavis & butthead comment on them ?! it’s seriously too funny. & it’s all Smart comedy – like, current events & shxt… love it : ) enjoy your tv !



  385.  #385lk on March 27, 2012 at 10:45 am

    i’m feeling really impressed with my description of “Smart comedy” lol



  386.  #386T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 10:50 am

    There are many happy endings on this blog…

    I suppose people will only see what they want to see.



  387.  #387Daria on March 27, 2012 at 10:50 am

    Ok u know what I have Not been doing? Wearing pink and baby blue. Im such an extravagant rockstar punk rocker backpacker style lately. It would feel fun to shift my wardrobe.



  388.  #388Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Thank you Starla and thank you Jilly again 😉

    Nah did not listen to Modern Siren yet. Will try to do it, thanks Starla for your suggestion 😉

    Do you girls think it’s ok to ask him a professional question – he texted me today about something irrelevant? My question if he knows the answer would really help me, it doesn’t require a long explanation and he can say no if he didn’t see it before?



  389.  #389Leo on March 27, 2012 at 11:01 am

    @T-Girl 386

    May I ask what you mean by this “see what they want to see” ?

    I feel sad to hear this somehow.



  390.  #390Starla on March 27, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Memulo, maybe Google CD can answer your professional question? hehe

    but yeah, i think it’s okay, just…don’t expect anything more than an answer, and notice if you feel weird or uncomfortable in any way after you ask and he answers. actually. if you did it as an experiment, simply for the sake of observing all your feelings, it might be really really great for you to become more familiar with your own emotional soup, which is one of the best things we can do that “should i?” and “what if i…” conundrum that comes up. it’ll just be clear and easy and true selftrust comes from being in that soup



  391.  #391Starla on March 27, 2012 at 11:18 am

    daria i feel really curious to see your current look before you switch it up!!!!



  392.  #392Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 11:28 am

    current look =she’s wearing a white shirt 😉



  393.  #393Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 11:29 am

    T-Girl I believe you are just one step from a happy ending.



  394.  #394Mochaberri on March 27, 2012 at 11:30 am

    @ Jilly #342 – I agree with you statement about sitting with your feelings. For me it helps me figure out what is at the core and what I need to do to heal them.



  395.  #395sensual on March 27, 2012 at 11:34 am

    hmm what to do when a man asks you to give him a massage “oh baby my necks hurts…please can you massage it” …..i paused to decide> “oh baby it’s a need not a want it’s really stiff”

    ok then, so i gave him one. BTW a man who’s NOT giving me enough. hmmmm



  396.  #396T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 11:38 am

    389 Leo,

    For some reason this comment really triggered me:

    “I have yet to see a happy ending on the blog it’s lilke most people like doing the same thing over and over and expect different results”

    I can’t explain why it triggers me so much. Maybe because I see postings here about how things are working for them such as feeling messages and leaning back, etc.

    I know from personal experience how much this blog has helped me. So I guess I take it a bit personal when I read these types of comments. Hence my reason for the comment that people only see what they want to see.

    Perhaps I am guilty of doing that as well…only seeing the successes.



  397.  #397T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 11:43 am

    393 FW,

    Thank you FW. My goal right now isn’t a happy ending because I am so enjoying my life right now and bursting with joy and happiness that the word “ending”, even when it has the word “happy” in front of it feels a bit off to me.

    And I do respect our different viewpoints re: marriage vs. living together because I know that we differ there.



  398.  #398Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Lillibee I believe that at 2 months it is not a real relationship unless the man has had a discussion with you where he defines what he wants and you tell him the terms that you will agree on. Most of the times men start thinking about having a real relationship about the 5-6 month mark. They might know that is what they want early on but unless they explicitly express it I don’t assume anything anymore. If I am guessing or wondering I assume there is no relationship. I don’t believe a man who really wants me will keep me wondering.



  399.  #399Starla on March 27, 2012 at 11:47 am

    luzydel, i can name a bunch of happy endings right off the top of my head. there have actually been a few engagements just in the last few months. :D:D:D:D:D:D



  400.  #400T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 11:47 am

    I dont want to make it sound like my life is perfect either because believe me, it isnt. But I am the happiest I have ever been.



  401.  #401Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 11:48 am

    T-Girl are you sure it was Leo who said that? I have to go back and read.



  402.  #402Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Mochaberri I feel good to see your name.



  403.  #403T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Fw, no Leo didnt say that but stated my comment felt bad to read



  404.  #404Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Starla #390,

    Yes tried GoogleCD, still have my question-) Thanks!



  405.  #405Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 11:57 am

    FW #398,

    I agree.



  406.  #406Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 11:57 am

    I feel bad to read that you don’t want to make your life sound like it is perfect T-Girl. I keep imagining that mine is and that is what I want to put out there.



  407.  #407Emerson on March 27, 2012 at 11:59 am

    230 yay Brenda….it sounds like you had some great boundary practice, and stayed true to yourself. Keeping boundaries (physical) is something I have a hard time with sometimes.

    Hmm I kinda get the feeling that Cop is very aware of what he’s doing (perhaps hoping he’d get lucky with you) but at the same time I sorta feel like he may be a lil clueless and akward at relating…

    Of course I don’t know him, so I could be wrong. He seems to have skipped a few steps going right for the cuddles without getting to know you over dinner, coffee, etc…he’s fortunate you allowed him over to be your mansnack. 🙂 LUCKY him becuz you are the PRIZE.

    Yes I agree about housework, when Recycled first came over, I ended up buying wall hangings and mirrors and completely cleaning re-doing part of my house LOL. I should have done that just for myself though…but later I have done it for *me* and it just kick started my inspiration…

    Yay for your CDing!



  408.  #408Starla on March 27, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    fw i like that:), my life is perfect too



  409.  #409Emerson on March 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    I feel happy that I’m giving NewCD another chance and I am looking forward to seeing him this week.

    I have really been aware of the fact that I’m not taking care of myself properly lately. I need to get my eating habits under control..and start exercising again! I feel soo much better when I’m doing that.



  410.  #410T-Girl on March 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    406 FW, I wish I could say my life was perfect but I have issues with certain family members. Maybe I do need to put it out there and imagine that mine is. Sometimes I do that but only when I get wrapped up in my own little world and then forget about what is going on around me.



  411.  #411Leo on March 27, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I didn’t post that @FemWoman

    It’s just that I misunderstood T-Girls post. I didn’t understand the reference to the earlier post. And reading this (without this connection) made me feel sad cause it then sounded sarcastic to me. And I kinda took it personal.

    So, sorry for the misunderstanding 🙂
    I am glad you think that way and that this blog has helped you much! It did for me!



  412.  #412Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    RE 336 I know Turquoise. My aim is to help your awareness. I totally know that it is not cut and dry in cases like yours but I do believe it is doable. If I were you I would also give myself another option to communicate without having to hear his voice or be stuck on text. It just feels too much like instant gratification. Maybe when that is diminished it could help you sink more into the icky feelings as well as get him to feel what it is like to miss you – in a new way. I say a new way because I believe this is a new relationship because he is experiencing you a bit as new. My thought is around wondering if you could keep expanding on that new feeling?



  413.  #413Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    T-Girl we can act “as if”. The frame we put things in or see things through is what affects the way we experience them.



  414.  #414Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Starla I imagine you “at a ringing singing 10” too. I believe you are on such a great track and will be one of Rori’s greatest success stories. You have come such a long way since I started reading your comments.



  415.  #415Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    sensual the context is important too. If this is a new CD then I would hesitate and tell him how being asked made me feel and maybe what I ended up thinking. If it is someone you are with for a whie and have some kind of investment in then maybe consider giving the massage and see how you feel while doing it and share that, even if you have to stop. In the moment not doing it might feel too much like a constricting/restricting rule that would not serve any purpose. If this is a very giving leaning forward masculine person normally who I feel safe with then I would do the occasional masculine, especially if he asks. I don’t think I would experience that as leaning forward. I can’t imagine sleeping with someone I don’t feel safe with.



  416.  #416Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Daria maybe I can inspire you again. I have started wearing pink/blue/lavender butterfly and flower ornamets in my hair.



  417.  #417Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    BTW in the story of the article above Esther mentions that things went well for 2 months.



  418.  #418Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    BTW Memulo some of those texts he sends, I would accept them as him giving his energy to me so I would choose not to respond to everyone. A man wants to give and this might be one of his ways of giving. I would experiment with just staying still and receiving. Let him wonder about your mystery.

    Responding to every one could also create the impression that you have nothing else to do but wait by the phone for him.



  419.  #419Emerson on March 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Hmm I am secretly wishing and hoping that Recycled is missing me. 😀 I feel a sense of satisfaction imagining that.
    Is that bad?



  420.  #420Starla on March 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm


  421.  #421Starla on March 27, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    fw, your faith in my success means a whole lot to me. thank you:)



  422.  #422Emerson on March 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    I’m struggling with family issues right now and realizing that things are “easier” when we keep them shallow. But it doesn’t ever solve anything.

    I now feel unattached to the outcome and realize I cannot control others. There are people in my family with a lot of anger and not handling emotions well. I am trying to grow and learn and not be that way.



  423.  #423Mochaberri on March 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    @ FW #402 – Thanks I feel smiley 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Life is so crazy for me these days!!! So many things on my plate have me buzzing about in my male energy – school, work, caregiving – you name it!!!



  424.  #424Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    FW,

    #418: Yes, good suggestion. Too late for today, plus I wanted to ask him something. Did a few hours later though.

    #417: Is that intended for me? I know, I had two case like this already. I didn’t feel about them the way I feel about this one, but it was painful. Why do you think I am freaking out?



  425.  #425Mochaberri on March 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I’m feeling really sireny today. Saw a former CD in the store yesterday and he gave me a big hug it felt soooo good!!!!!! We chatted for a few and I could not stop smiling – he makes me feel so good!!!!!!!!

    I leaned forward and texted him (that was part of our conversation – he said he feels that if he doesn’t reach out I won’t).

    We have been texting most of the day today and I feel really good opening up to him and sharing with him how I feel about him and our connection. He even made mention that I was opening up and it allowed him to open up and let me know what he was feeling about me which I’ve always known but it’s like I heard it for the first time clearly. It makes it difficult becasue my emotions are deep with KR but I’m going to enjoy the moment CD’nd this guy and be a total Siren!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  426.  #426Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Btw, I did not respond to the last text he sent on Sunday. Feeling satisfied to say that in 95% cases he gets to send the last text in every exchange. Maybe 99%



  427.  #427Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Tomorrow night I am going to friends’ gathering and I always get a chance to flirt and feel pretty at these events. Yay!



  428.  #428Starla on March 27, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Team Stop Procrastinating
    I cleaned the stove, burners and all:) and i cleared and polished the dining room table:)

    and now i am going to organize the bathroom and clean the sink and toilet and re-evaluate from there:)

    loving my day off:)



  429.  #429Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Starla,

    Did CF bring you here? I have a feeling it wasn’t him.



  430.  #430Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Emerson,

    RE: #407 – “230 yay Brenda….it sounds like you had some great boundary practice, and stayed true to yourself. Keeping boundaries (physical) is something I have a hard time with sometimes.”

    Thank you. I was feeling kind of angry and kind of low, feeling used. I like your way of looking at it…boundary practice. Because holding boundaries is very challenging for me. I guess I just feel so weary of being seen and treated like two breasts and a vagina. I want to be seen as the complete woman who I am. I feel encouraged reading what you wrote.

    “Hmm I kinda get the feeling that Cop is very aware of what he’s doing (perhaps hoping he’d get lucky with you) but at the same time I sorta feel like he may be a lil clueless and akward at relating…”

    I can’t be sure, but so far I see him like the typical kind of man I’ve met – looking for a woman for sex and little else. He is very aware of what he is doing, pretty much ignoring anything outside of HIS agenda: to be in my bed at my house.

    So I guess that is why I am feeling a little low. Like if I were really the prize, I wouldn’t have let him come “just to cuddle and watch TV”. Inside I was saying, “Yeah, right, tell me another one.” I mean, that was MY intention, and I guess that’s why I allowed it, because Ryan’s cuddling and pillow talk in 2009 is what I miss the most. Most. Most. Most. As in, best memories of my life, outside of our two trips to the shore.

    I would say he may be awkward in not wanting to verbalize relational stuff, but that is typical of men. And I think he’s doing a half decent job, altho far from perfect.

    “He seems to have skipped a few steps going right for the cuddles without getting to know you over dinner, coffee, etc…”

    Xactly

    “he’s fortunate you allowed him over to be your mansnack.”

    Sigh…yep, my loneliness gets me in trouble every time.

    “LUCKY him becuz you are the PRIZE.”

    Thanks, I appreciate the reminder. Really trying to be and operate like that full time. Too easy to get discouraged. I am the prize.

    Yes I agree about housework, when Recycled first came over, I ended up buying wall hangings and mirrors and completely cleaning re-doing part of my house LOL. I should have done that just for myself though…but later I have done it for *me* and it just kick started my inspiration…

    Yay for your CDing!”



  431.  #431Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Emerson,

    RE: #419 – “Hmm I am secretly wishing and hoping that Recycled is missing me. I feel a sense of satisfaction imagining that.
    Is that bad?”

    That’s good! That’s the Law of Attraction! Positive thinking {and positive feelings that naturally follow} will get you everywhere!



  432.  #432Starla on March 27, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Memulo,
    I came here like 4 years ago. I was with an abusive, noncomittal guy, and I found support and encouragement to leave in Rori’s materials (which I first tried with him, and then decided to leave for good…and he came chasing after me in a big big way of course…)

    I feel really really blessed that I found some solid guidance and support somewhere. I was 23, with the man I lost my virginity to, depressed enough to kill myself…my man used to tell me i should just go ahead and kill myself since not even my mother can love me, and felt like this was all normal (and unfortunately i had some girl friends who didn’t have it any better with their men, so no one ever told me i was in a bad relationship)

    It’s been a journey!!!



  433.  #433sensual on March 27, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    #FW 415. It felt like being the boy to me, although i also felt silly to refuse since he said his neck was really sore. I would have felt good about it if he had done more giving to me recently but he has not.. This was an old CD i was reconnecting with…and i already felt resentful of the fact that he had not contacted me for so long prior. some of his behavior during the “catch up” did not feel good to me, so i wanted to refuse the massage but i felt stupid to say no to such a small request that he “needed”.



  434.  #434Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #420 – Excellent! very practical and comparable to Rori’s tools!



  435.  #435Coco Kisses on March 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    @ Tiffany

    #221 Coco – I felt so many emotions when I read what you wrote in the last thread about finances. It was really tough to read, even though it wasn’t mean or nasty or judgy at all. It just made me sad. And I felt a little bit jealous of where you are now. Even though I KNOW, and I have an unshakable faith in my heart somehow that I WILL get to the place where all of that will be true for me and more (the financial stability, the abundance, everything). ……

    Keep your head up. I realize the way we spend money has a lot to do also with the way we were raised, and how are parents dealt with money.

    My mother used to always say we were “broke”, and we couldn’t afford x, y, or z….to this very DAY my mother doesn’t have cable t.v because she CAN’T afford it, and she has NEVER had (to my knowledge), new furniture…she has a lack mentality, and has spoken poverty into her life. WIth that being said, I always felt like whenever I wanted something I had to buy it right then and there, or I may never be able to afford it…….hence al ot of bills went upaid, utlitles got shut off, credit bad, accounts overdrawn ect., ect…..
    The first thing I did to get myself on track is, I wrote down how much moeny I had coming in. I knew I was making more than enough moeny not to be going through what I was going through, then step 2, I wrote down how much my monthly bills were (on average, including, mortgage, utlilties,food, gas, internet, cable..everything), and then I subtracted what I made from what my bills were, and that’s how I figured how much disposile income I had to play around with. My rule is BILLS first. It is hard, especially for a diva like myself, who’s hair and nails were ALWAYS poppin, but I had to do it. One of my motivations was for my marriage, my husband is way more finacially responsible than me, and I knew that my irresponsibility was driving a wedge between us, so I was sort of forced into glory, so to speak. I worked wih my sister in faith, who used to be vice president of bank of america’s coporate office, she was the one who sat me down, and told me to look at myself and my self-esteem, because the way one manages their money is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. I had to really ask myslef a few question before making a purchase, and those questions are

    1) DO I really need this?
    2) Can I wait for this item?
    3) Why do I want this item?
    4) How am I going to feel after I make the purchase?
    5) If I make this purcahse am I going o be spending money that goes towards my bills?

    If I don’t feel right after asking myself those questions I don’t buy it

    It is a process, now I am workign on my credit, it feels very scary o tackle this mountain, but I wan it really bad, and I know i’s going to feel beyond wonderful to be debt free…..

    Hopefully this helps

    Don’t beat yourself up..you can do it, I know exactly how u feel!!!



  436.  #436Starla on March 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Memulo, i used to post as Dorothea if that helps you ‘place’ me



  437.  #437lk on March 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    i don’t really agree with everything steve pavlina says, but i thought this was a nice reminder:

    Connecting From the Heart

    As I mentioned in my blog, I’ve been putting a lot of effort into improving my in-person social life this year. Last week I spent so much time in conversation that by Friday I was starting to lose my voice. That minor problem aside, this has been a wonderful path of development. I want to share some insights I’ve had regarding connecting with people deeply.
    Appreciating Uniqueness

    First, everyone is unique. Socially we have a tendency to try to fit people into patterns and especially to label them as being one way or another. Real human beings, however, constantly defy these patterns and labels. Seeing my expectations violated again and again has encouraged me to do my best to avoid succumbing to premature patterning when I’m creating a connection with someone.

    Patterns can still be helpful, especially when you want to avoid unwanted approaches, but if you’ve reached the point where you’re getting to know someone, it’s time to set those preconceived notions aside and perceive them with an open mind and an open heart.
    Being Present

    I find that the most important — and the most challenging — aspect of conversation is being fully present. First of all, this means setting aside distractions so you can both focus. Ideally, put away your cell phones and other devices. I like having people over at my house, especially during the afternoon, since there are no distractions then. A restaurant setting by comparison usually has frequent interruptions, which can disrupt the flow of a good connection.

    When you listen, focus your energy in the center of your chest. Listen with your heart, not just your ears. Do your best to understand the emotional context behind what the other person is communicating.

    When you talk, also focus your energy in the center of your chest. Speak from your heart. I like to touch the center of my chest sometimes when I’m talking with someone, as a reminder to speak from my heart, not just my head.

    When you share something that’s emotional in nature, allow yourself to feel some of that emotion. Similarly, when you listen to the other person speak, allow yourself to join them in what they’re feeling. I sometimes feel so emotionally connected to a person that when they talk about something they’re passionate about, I get misty-eyed. Then I share that they’re having this effect on me, which is a nice way to acknowledge that we’ve created a strong connection together.

    This takes practice, but when you get good at listening and speaking from your heart, it can create a very special feeling of presence. You and the other person will co-create a vibe of openness, trust, and empathy. When this type of energy is present, it’s easy for people to open up and share very deep aspects of themselves. They know they can expect understanding and compassion instead of judgment.
    Connecting Without Neediness

    I feel that the best connections occur when no one is trying to get their needs met by the other person. When neediness is present, it tends to create resistance. If you’re trying to impress the other person, earn their approval, or convince them to do something, this neediness infects the connection and sours it to some degree. Many people don’t like having to give energy to someone who’s behaving in a needy way. I certainly don’t. This is one reason I opted out of certain online communication channels; I feel drained by too many approaches rooted in neediness.

    When people come together from a place of wholeness and completeness, as opposed to coming from financial, emotional, or sexual neediness, this creates a very different kind of connection, one based on mutual respect, happiness, and exchanging value.
    How Do We Exchange Value in Relationships?

    I’ve written a lot about exchanging value in the world of business, but what does it mean to exchange value in relationships?

    I sometimes run into situations where I’m very much enjoying connecting with someone, but I can tell they’re concerned that they aren’t giving much back to me. Many people have a natural resistance to being unfair, so if they feel they’re in a situation where they’re taking more than they’re giving, it can make them uncomfortable. A few people in my life have told me this directly, which in a way is good since then we can discuss it openly.

    Relationship value is much broader than business value. There are lots of ways people can exchange value in relationships where they’d be resistant to trading money for it. For example, people will exchange hugs and affection with each other, but it would feel weird to pay for this value.

    I receive tremendous value from connecting with people socially, sharing stories, and learning more about them. I really enjoy the simple act of sharing. I don’t approach conversations from a place of neediness, so I don’t need the person to give me anything. I just want them to be present and go with the flow. Even if a conversation seems a bit lopsided, I still feel good about it afterwards. Talking to people is normally a very enjoyable experience for me, and it feels wonderful to share what I’m passionate about.
    Seeking What You Enjoy

    You’ll no doubt notice that you enjoy talking to certain types of people more than others. You may feel that some people talk too much, and you can’t get a word in edgewise. Others may talk too little, and trying to get any information out of them is like pulling teeth. You’ll be happiest if you simply focus on connecting with the types of people you feel most compatible with.

    In any conversation there’s limited bandwidth for sharing. If one person talks 70% of the time, the other person has the remaining 30%. If two people who like to talk 70% of the time insist on having their way, there will be a lot of clashing. Instead of really listening, people will be waiting for a pause so they can inject something. People will often interrupt each other in this situation. Threads will be cut off, and it will be tough to achieve closure on any topic.

    On the other hand, if both people only speak 30% of the time, then there will be a lot of dead air. Some people are fine with this, but others find it uncomfortable. It can also be seen as a wasted opportunity since much more could have been shared if people were willing to talk a bit more.

    Since I’m a professional communicator, I’m very comfortable leading a conversation, which could involve doing most of the talking, but it could also involve helping the other person feel comfortable enough to open up. I’m pretty good at communicating with people who are shy or introverted, whereas others may find them hard to talk to.

    Personally I prefer conversations where the exchange is close to 50-50, meaning that both people are talking about half the time. I don’t mind having some silence either. But I don’t feel as connected in conversations with someone who wants to do almost all the talking — in those situations I sort of wonder why they even need me there.

    If you find that you just aren’t meshing with someone’s conversational style, I say just let that person go, and move on to someone else. You’ll be happier in the long run.

    Similarly you may find that certain conversation topics are more interesting to you than others. In that case, try leading the conversation towards topics that you love, and see if you can find one that’s a good match for the other person too. I love talking about personal growth in general, but for one person the best match may involve talking about improving relationships while for another it may have to do with creating financial abundance. Lately I’ve been especially interested in discussing social skills and relationships with people, so I love hanging out with people who have similar interests. It doesn’t take much convincing to get me to have a deep conversation with someone about relationships, especially non-traditional relationship styles; I find this subject fascinating.

    If you can’t figure out how to get a good connection going with someone, don’t force it. Just let them go, and focus your attention on someone else. Eventually you’ll find a nice match for your style and interests. There are billions of people on this planet to connect with — how abundant is that?
    Dancing

    In years past I often felt responsibile for leading interactions, as if I’m supposed to nudge each of my connections in some goal-oriented direction. These days I see interpersonal communication as a dance where no one leads.

    When I’m communicating from my heart, I usually enjoy a nice feeling of flow. Both people’s energies come together in a special way. If I try to lead this energy, it feels like I’m out of sync with what’s arising, and I’m not being fully present. But if I let this combined energy lead me, then I feel like I’m very much in the flow. It’s easy to listen attentively and to share openly. I neither feel too pushy nor too passive.

    This energetic connection is different with everyone. With some people it feels very mental. With others it’s more emotional. And with some it’s more playful or sensual.

    I’ve noticed that each of these connections brings out different aspects of my personality. With one person I may be very analytical and precise, like my left brain gets a boost when I’m with them, and there’s little desire to joke around. With someone else I may feel drawn to connect with great compassion and empathy, and we can create a deep emotional bond and perhaps heal some old wounds. With another person, it may feel completely natural to be flirtatious and playful, which is especially fun when two people are doing this in sync.

    The key is to read the energy of the connection and flow with it. If you try to force an interaction to be something other than it is, you’ll lose the flow. If you go with the flow and let it lead both of you, then the connection takes on the tone of a delightful dance that both people enjoy immensely.

    This may sound like a passive approach, but it’s very active in practice. It’s much like surfing. I’m constantly reading the waves and adjusting my position to catch them.

    The key to all of these tips is being in your heart. When you communicate from your heart, you encourage others to sync with you. You may have to give up some control as to where your connection goes, but I think you’ll very much enjoy the dance.



  438.  #438Starla on March 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Memulo, you are so sharp in having a feeling that CF didn’t bring me here.

    I was just thinking as I wiped down the sink in the bathroom that CF is the first guy who is stable and healthy enough to actually give me my own space to process and honor my own feelings, communicate to him about them, and better my own life with his 100% support. I was always so worried about how they were letting me down, all of the time (and they often were), that I was always just reacting on a superficial level, but sometimes there was even so much bubbling underneath that i would just freak out and become super duper depressed.



  439.  #439Coco Kisses on March 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    this spring I feel very girly, no bump that womanly, maxi skirts, maxi dresses, and flowers in my hair all the way. oh and CUTE heels…….I bought some makeup, and got up early to make sure my makeup looked gorgeous…..I won’t lie, I have a been struggling today with moments of feeling sad, then moments of happiness. I am still feeling shock that my husband has asked for a divorce after 2 weeks of being out of he house. His reasonings sound sooo irrational, but he has made his decision. I feel like our marriage is too young for divorce. God is the best of planners so, I have to have faith, I will be honest however, I don’t want my husband back , unless he has made some inner changes, and I know I CAN NOT make him change, it has to be his idea….

    I’m going to fill my calendar u with lots of dates!!!! to keep my self upbeat



  440.  #440Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Starla,

    Thank you, that is a terrible story with a very happy outcome! Sorry, I do not remember Dorothea. If this is your real name, it’s very pretty 😉



  441.  #441Starla on March 27, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    i mean i was too externally focused to look into myself at my own expectations and what is driving them from inside…there is sooooo much going on in there. pretty juicy stuff. and so glad to have moved on from guys that aren’t a match for me, now that i know so much more about the real Starla and what she wants.



  442.  #442Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    LK,

    Thank you for the link to “Adventures in Depression”! What a creative, therapeutic comic strip! I really enjoyed it! Gave me a fresh way to view depression…and getting out of it!



  443.  #443Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    SmartCD replied to my text and it sounds like he really knows what I want to ask him, but did not respond in the way I expected so I really need a phone conversation. Ohh do I just say: please can we talk on the phone about this? I hate calling him first ;(

    On the other hand he doesn’t know my urgency so he can easily not call for a day or so if I don’t tell him my timeline.



  444.  #444Tiffany on March 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Wow – I feel kind of hooked in! I feel connected. I feel at ease, at peace…and I feel somewhat reassured that even when I do NOT feel at ease, or at peace, and even when I don’t think things are going “my way,” I am STILL hooked in, connected to the source, and feeling what is out there for me to feel.

    All this morning, I’ve been thinking about freedom. It was actually inspired by a video that someone posted on FB, which was in preparation for Passover – which is all about freedom. So it got me thinking.

    And then I got this from the Inner Bonding journal:

    “Spend some time today thinking about what freedom means to you — as it means different things to different people. Is it about the freedom to pursue your dreams? Is it about financial abundance? Is it about choosing how to spend your time without others being upset with you? Is it about freedom from limiting beliefs? Feeling free is vitally important to all of us!”

    May we all be able to access our own inner freedom!



  445.  #445Femininewoman on March 27, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Brenda my lesson from Copcd is “dates should be outdoors” until I feel safe with cds. Every experience is there to teach us something



  446.  #446lk on March 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    There are only five basic fears, out of which almost all of our other so-called fears are manufactured. Those five basic fears are:

    Extinction – fear of annihilation, of ceasing to exist. This is a more fundamental way to express it than just calling it the “fear of death”. The idea of no longer being arouses a primary existential anxiety in all normal humans. Consider that panicky feeling you get when you look over the edge of a high building.

    Mutilation – fear of losing any part of our precious bodily structure; the thought of having our body’s boundaries invaded, or of losing the integrity of any organ, body part, or natural function. For example, anxiety about animals, such as bugs, spiders, snakes, and other creepy things arises from fear of mutilation.

    Loss of Autonomy – fear of being immobilized, paralyzed, restricted, enveloped, overwhelmed, entrapped, imprisoned, smothered, or controlled by circumstances. In a physical form, it’s sometimes known as claustrophobia, but it also extends to social interactions and relationships.

    Separation – fear of abandonment, rejection, and loss of connectedness – of becoming a non-person – not wanted, respected, or valued by anyone else. The “silent treatment,” when imposed by a group, can have a devastating psychological effect on the targeted person.

    Ego-death – fear of humiliation, shame, or any other mechanism of profound self-disapproval that threatens the loss of integrity of the Self; fear of the shattering or disintegration of one’s constructed sense of lovability, capability, and worthiness.

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainsnacks/201203/the-only-five-basic-fears-we-all-live



  447.  #447Tiffany on March 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    @Brenda 233 – Yes, I agree. I feel the most stable situation to have children in is when you are married and with a suitable partner. However, have you ever seen the movie “knocked up”? It’s a really cute movie – highly recommend it.

    I’m only mentioning it because, even though I don’t *plan* to ever have children out of wedlock, I also wouldn’t necessarily “fight it” if it happened.

    I was telling a guy friend about this recently. Like, I want children so much, that if an accidental, unplanned, unforeseen pregnancy happened to me, my first consideration would be to go through with it. It just wouldn’t make sense for me not to. Obviously, I hope that the guy would be in on it. But I would also go it alone, if I had to.

    I have a friend who is my age and unmarried, and she is having children all by herself. Somehow she is stable enough financially to take a few years off from working (she doesn’t seem “rich” or “wealthy” but she takes care of herself, I guess). She went for InVitro, and is currently carrying twins.

    I want kids, but not so much that I want artificial insemination. I want to do it the “old-fashioned” way ; )



  448.  #448Brenda on March 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    FW,

    RE: #445 – Yeah, you’re right…and I knew that. Gotta stop letting men treat me second class.



  449.  #449Jennifer on March 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    I just really love red thai curry. I’m focusing on this cause men are weird and dragging me along for the ride.
    I feel worn out on internet dating. Like totally worn out. In fairness to internet dating I feel worn out in general. I work too much. WAY too much. My gp says I’m still spotting because the 116 hours I put in in two weeks fried my adrenals. That and the patients calling me threatening to kill themselves and the co workers who call me with stupid questions on my day off and the wisdom tooth extraction.
    I are fried.
    I are.
    And I don’t know if this makes people seem weirder than they are or if people are just weird. T called me a geek on twitter the other day and I cried. In the car. Is he a freak, or am I too sensitive?
    Random internet guys keep messaging me for sex. Like ok, what? Aren’t my setting supposed to weed these guys out? And why is it that they list themselves as separated and then when they slip in messaged conversation and I ferret out that they are indeed, not separated, they try to turn it around on me? Freaks, I tells ya ladies. Freaks.
    But at the very least I can use these experiences to remind myself that I am some kinda sexy. I frequently forget. Then I start to thinking I’m not sexy and get sad.
    I hope to decompress this weekend at a B&B I love and then a mani/pedi. Cause some poor sumbeech made the mistake of trying to talk to me at Starbucks this morning. He was trying to join the convo I was having with my barrista and questioning my change from soy to reg milk. I explained the phytoestrogens and he replied “well we only screw our kids up anyway so we should eat what we want.” In true fashion I snapped back”well the naturopath says if I don’t control my oestrogen I won’t have any kids” blush and stammer from afore mentioned poor sumbeech.
    *sigh* I guess this is why I have a psychology dude. To work out the wall.



  450.  #450Tiffany on March 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    lk – that was a really cool break-down of our basic fears. (446)

    I have to disagree that a fear of spiders has to do with a fear of “mutilation.” Invasion of space, maybe.

    But spiders are just CREEPY. I’m not afraid of anything in particular when I see a spider. I am just filled with an irrational fear having everything to do with their 8 creepy legs and the icky sticky webs. And as I’m trying to write about it, I realize there is no way to put into words the profound, primordial fear that takes over when I see a perfectly harmless spider sitting on the ceiling…

    To me, the fear is perhaps closer to “annihilation.” In comparison to the spider, I do not feel enormous. I feel small and tiny and miniscule, as if I could get caught up in the web, wrapped up in sticky threads, and then have the life sucked out of me. Literally, that is what the fear is like.

    Telling me that I am huge and the spider is tiny makes no difference to my phobia. My phobia don’t care. lol



  451.  #451Tiffany on March 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Omg, Jennifer, I loved your post in #449. You should write a book! lol. That was great. : )



  452.  #452Jennifer on March 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    hey Tiffany. I dont’ know about a book. I am considering a blog. I could tie it to my tweets. Could be interesting. I could call it “big girl in the big world” something like that.



  453.  #453Starla on March 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    yay hi jennifer!



  454.  #454Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    I never ever called him first. Never….

    Is it better to call or to text asking for a call?? Or better to say what’s worse 🙁



  455.  #455Starla on March 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    memulo, i’m a little lost, sorry! ask him to call for what?



  456.  #456Tiffany on March 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    actually, I could probably write a book with all the words I’ve posted on here – ha! Maybe that’s what I’ll do…tehee

    So, I am having an email convo with the Orchid Man, about – guess what? – Orchids. For real.

    It’s very silly. I can’t believe we are having mundane conversation about orchids right now. But I guess that’s about the only thing in common that we have to talk about right now, and it’s “safe territory.”

    I am happy to be talking to him. But of course, part of me (a big part of me) would really rather be talking ON THE PHONE, or IN PERSON. I can’t really get into any of my emotional reality in email, and I don’t want to. I’m giving FMs about orchids, though. lol! And I am being patient while I let him “row the boat.” If he wants to row it into phone, chat, or in-person territory, he will do it. He just needs to feel safe first, just like I do. We need safe interaction so we can build our trust again….

    And even though I felt yesterday like – gah! I can’t do this! So much sexual/emotional tension behind this. All the things I want to say or talk about. Some subjects I don’t know how to bring up. I am not even sure how to ask for what I want – What DO I want? Is it a phone conversation? A change of heart? A commitment? A relationship? Do I really want an opportunity to “speak my mind” (or my heart), or do I secretly hope that somehow, if I do, it will “change things”?

    I combatted this urge this morning by reminding myself of all the things he was doing the whole time we dated that I didn’t like. I remembered that if he was right for me, and things were going to be “different” they would be. And I remembered to take care of myself, and to forget about what he is doing and why, and even how it affects me.

    I FELT the bitterness of our former interaction. I really FELT what it was like, when I was in a situation where I took a chance, and I reassured myself that he would be there, and HE WASN’T. [maybe I created an expectation??] I can’t change what he did or how he chose to behave. I can only remember that it wasn’t Right For Me. And there’s no point in me trying to “make it right,” because that’s not my job. And anyway, that’s control.

    I realized that even having the urge to “say” these things to him, maybe make him “realize” what a jerk he’d been to me – that is trying to “control” something: the outcome, his thoughts, his behavior. All off-limits. All non-controllable. All fruitless efforts, and ultimately just really not helpful.

    So in the end, I felt better. I lost the urge to force a communication about what had gone on for me. Because I embraced again non-closure. I put my arms around me, and I hugged myself. I went to the farmer’s market, and I bought yummy food. I played with my new phone, and I’m taking care of *me.*

    He’s the boy. He can do what he wants…

    and he’s the Orchid Man. He can take care of the orchids.

    I still do want to talk about what’s inside me. But I want it to happen at the right time, in the right place. I don’t want to “force” and then be accused of control. Looking back, I realize that I was “rowing” way more than I thought. And so I think leaning back is my best route right now…even if that means leaning back into someone else.



  457.  #457Starla on March 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    i feel really impressed with my assistant, who nicely asked if i could let her know tomorrow if there was not very much work to do, so that she wouldn’t pay 8 dollars to park to work for an hour or two. The way she asked was nice and powerful and not blamey, and i was able to say ‘yes absolutely,’ without having to apologize… yay.



  458.  #458Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Starla,

    I need to ask him my question over the phone. we miscommunicate over text, he is not getting what I am asking and answers something else, I need to explain over the phone.



  459.  #459Emoticon on March 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    I just watched someone’s video, I won’t mention their name without permission (tho i doubt they would mind), but oh my goodness SEXYYY.

    Great face. great body….. but what I admire most is there is sooooo much confidence resonating from this video and the swag is just downright SEXY.

    Now thats what I call sexy from the outside AND inside. I need 2 get on that level, because people call me sexy and sometimes I just dont believe it. WOW that video definitely inspired me!!



  460.  #460Starla on March 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    i would say, “ohh thank you yay, trying to put it in text feels a little unwieldy, would feel much easier to ask in real time!”



  461.  #461Lizka on March 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Hi Sirens!!

    Report on Day 8 of the Challenge of my life:

    Everything went well, super busy at work again and reading my book on lunch time so no time to think really.

    A few times I thought of ATW, wondering if, like RamadanCD, will remember that I have an interview tomorrow and wish me good luck or call me after to ask how it went. Nooo. I don’t want to set that expectation. Please bad thought, go away.

    I am also wondering where ModelCD have been. No news for almost 2 weeks now… except a comment on one of my FB status… that’s strange. I caught myself one or two time wanting to like or comment on a FB status but this is leaning forward and my Challenge is all about cutting all type of leaning forward. What helped, is repeating to myself that if he would really be interested, he’ll just call me and invite me out. He’s a big boy and I am pretty sure he knows how to use a phone. And I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want me enough to pick up his phone. Same for ATW by the way… (arrg that feels a little heart broken to think of…).

    Wow, is that a growth of self confidence I am feeling right now? I guess this is what “being the price” feels like… Good feeling!



  462.  #462Memulo on March 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Thank you Starla, it’s a great approach except that I need to say directly that I want to talk over the phone and prob give a timeline, otherwise he won’t understand what I want.



  463.  #463Starla on March 27, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    memulo, just add ‘when can you call me?’ at the end:)

    if you don’t have ulterior motives, you’re just being a rockstar and asking a professional question and letting him help you, so this really really should be fine

    i would encourage you to check in with your emotions fully and quietly after, and notice how this leaning forward felt. it’s such a huge part of rori’s tools to do this, and it will advance your happiness and love life by leaps and bounds!!



  464.  #464Lizka on March 27, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    And tonight, I’m gonna be busy getting ready for my interview.

    I have to do a little research about the company, review the tips to do a good interview, get a list of question ready for my interviewer, sew the pant I want to wear for tomorrow, iron my clothes, cut my nails and maybe put some nail polish…

    So no time to lean forward again. I like that. 🙂



  465.  #465lk on March 27, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    ok, i’m not a genius, but…. saying trayvon martin’s killer isn’t racist because he’s not “White” is……….. well…….. i can’t finish my sentence, but….



  466.  #466Starla on March 27, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    TSP
    I cleaned the sink and toilet and organized all my cosmetics and toiletries:)

    feeling bored/tired



  467.  #467Starla on March 27, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    lk are you and cd okay with the fires burning right now?



  468.  #468Starla on March 27, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    i mean, “are you doing okay with the fires..”



  469.  #469Lizka on March 27, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    The end of my book made me feel depressed. It was a very sad end.

    Now I am catching myself feeling nostalgic and sad. Nooooo! I want to feel happy. It makes it so easier to lean back. Now I’m thinking of ATW again…

    I think I’ll go buy something fun to eat and eat it in front of a good tv show that starts in 35 minutes…



  470.  #470Sun Goddess on March 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    I feel so bothered right now. LP just returned the dog. I feel so unattached to him like I could take him or leave him. I am not feeling so good, so he and his kids didn’t stay long which was a good thing. He asked for a hug on the way out and I was standoffish (I know I should have been warm and loving, but I just wasn’t feeling it). He said to call him about tomorrow and the weekend. I will not and I didn’t have the energy to remind him that if he wants plans then he should make them. I wish I could figure out what I really want and stop this yoyo feeling.



  471.  #471Starla on March 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    (((((((((sun goddess))))))))))



  472.  #472luzydel on March 27, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    I have not judged anyone in particular here; I tend to put my views out there and “if the shoe fits” then you know what to do; In the other hand I have bee accused of being jaded, etc. I do not know anyone here personally, so we could writ whatever we want and call it the truth, but only we know the truth.

    I came here at the end of 2010, because I wanted to get a guy Named “P” I thought he was the one (lol), then I started Cding and I met “D” then I met a few others, then I met “S” and I used all the tools with him, leaning back, etc, etc. Then nothing really changed; he did the same thing, he disappeared and came back to see if he can take advantage of me (he did not); Then I realized I was trying too hard. That There are no right tools, words, things to do. That I was trying to make a “bad” thing work, thinking that now that I am a siren things will be different.

    As I always have mentioned RR’s tools are good on a superficial level, once you have work with you inner “demons”, Again I am not pointing at anyone in particular, but I have seen the same thing over and over, and it all goes around men, it is like talking about doing nice things, go to art classes, joining a yoga group is not as good as talking about a guy that has practically given you NOTHING. And three months later the story repeats itself, but this time is not an “S” it is with a “J” or another CD and all that energy that should have been invested on improving your inner self was put into a man, That gave you NOTHING.

    I am not bitter towards men, by joining dance classes, Art classes, and all the things I am doing, I have met great men… older men, married men, younger men… and they all have showed me that they can be good men! I do not have to be around a man with the sole purpose of dating him, I want to appreciate them for their presence just for who they are…

    Then again since I don’t fit some silly dating cliche, and I don’t have an “X” or a “Y” who annoys the crap out of me or take me to some cheap date, I am Jaded.
    I call it BS!



  473.  #473Starla on March 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    “and it all goes around men, it is like talking about doing nice things, go to art classes, joining a yoga group is not as good as talking about a guy”

    i was feeling like this too, luzydel! i posted about it. now i spam you all with bettering myself and loving myself, but i do feel self conscious about it all…



  474.  #474Starla on March 27, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    379 luzydel, didn’t you call yourself jaded here?

    i feel a bit lost

    and i’m wondering if there’s anything we can do here to make you feel more supported and happier here?



  475.  #475lk on March 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    @starla, we’re more north…. but it is very worrying to see that this early on