On Monday, July 30th at 11am PDT, Listen To My Interview With Patricia Raskin

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intimacyI did this for fun, and because I thought you might like to hear me and give feedback on it here (I so seldom do these things….but I like Patricia…)

Patricia Raskin’s Positive Living

Have the Relationship You Want – Rori Raye

July 30, 2012 – 11am PDT

IN THE FIRST HALF HOUR of her program on July 30th at 11 am PDT, join nationally recognized multi-media talk show host and award winning producer Patricia Raskin, as she interviews Rori Raye, relationship expert who has helped thousands of women experience success in their love lives. She will discuss her book “Have the Relationship You Want” ; A Step By Step Guide to Transforming Your Love Life Overnight. Learn More »

Missed the Live Shows? Past Episodes are available On Demand and Podcast Ready.

Listen Live toVoiceAmerica Variety 

Be sure to tune into
Patricia Raskin’s Positive Living

Log on to Listen:www.voiceamerica.com

331 Comments

  1.  #1April Rose on July 26, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Oooh yes, I’ll be listening 🙂



  2.  #2Francesca on July 26, 2012 at 8:53 am

    I’ll be working on Monday. Will there be a replay of this, Rori?



  3.  #3Emoticon on July 26, 2012 at 8:56 am

    YAY



  4.  #4Starla on July 26, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Wow, these online guys propose the most thoughtful dates, tailored to my interests! And they check to make sure i don’t have any food allergies or preferences. hehehe i feel like such a princess.



  5.  #5Dancing Siren on July 26, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Ouch,

    I feel hurty.

    I know I need to hold on to thoughts of my bright fuure, whatever that might be, rather than thinking of what I might be missing.

    Ok, so what do I need now?

    Right now I need water.

    A drink of cool water.

    And then I am going to take myself to my favourite supermarket and buy myself some icecream and other food.

    Then I am going to come back here and make plans for MY future.

    I kinda would like to take a trip in my time off which is going to be in a few weeks.

    And I feel afraid of feeling lonely on my own doing it…

    but kind of excited too.

    I don’t know if I will do it.



  6.  #6Dancing Siren on July 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Sirens,

    Please will you help me straighten something out in my head.

    I now have this idea that every now and again I could send him an e-mail, something I have found on addiction, or a card, to tell him that there is always another way.

    But I feel a little weirdly about it.

    Is it because I don’t really want to let him go? That I am thinking up ways to keep the connection going, and still hoping that he might decide to get sober?

    Is it actually counter intuitive?

    I don’t know if I actually will do these things…

    I feel lost.

    I know I am supposed to focus on myself and I really don’t know where to start at the moment.

    Life just feels so flat without him… in some ways.



  7.  #7Starla on July 26, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Dancing Siren,
    Oh darling, let go of the need to control aka OVERFUNCTIONING desires.

    I know it’s scary to think that he might not step up
    That he somehow won’t step up because you weren’t encouraging enough
    It’s not your job
    It’s not your job
    It’s not your job
    And honestly, you already realllllly put a lot in, as if it were your job
    And I wish I could wrap you up in a big hug and show you how you’re worth the stars and the moon and all the rainforests



  8.  #8Starla on July 26, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Dancing Siren, I say you deserve a man who will step up for you without you having to prod him along or DO anything. You deserve it. You’re amazing!



  9.  #9Dancing Siren on July 26, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Oh gosh,

    I know Starla, reading it back I feel cringy…

    I just feel so sad.

    Letting it go right now.

    Ok, focus on me, focus on me, focus on me.

    Its not my job, not my job, not my job.

    Feeling sad.



  10.  #10Starla on July 26, 2012 at 10:24 am

    (((((((((Dancing Siren)))))))))))



  11.  #11Dominique on July 26, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Dancing Siren – ditto what Starla said.

    xxoo



  12.  #12Starla on July 26, 2012 at 10:47 am

    I think it’s time to get my financial house even more in order. I’ve been avoiding my student loan repayments (i owe 40k!!!!!! Although I know this is fairly typical for someone my age) through an agreement I made with the company where I wouldn’t have to pay for a while, but I think it would feel good to just start getting it paid off. I can do this!!!

    I don’t want to run from the scary stuff anymore.



  13.  #13Daria on July 26, 2012 at 10:52 am

    im feeling vulnerable

    i feel sad

    how my heart fills up with love and then i feel pulled back into my shell when i hear “this person doesn’t like me” in my head

    i dont want to be around my parents

    i feel uncomfortable on the blog reading posts of people the voice tell me ‘don’t like me’ and i feel sad

    i feel tired

    i didnt’ get my time to myself to heal my emotions, and i feel continually tired and reclusive

    im calling for man help to get me out the houes to somewher relaxing, and im feeling ‘controlly’ and ‘panicked” a bit

    i dont want to be around my parents

    i dont feel comfortable being loud, i dont want to even get out of the room to get myself water or food

    and i feel stuck here in the room

    waking up somehwere else and having a morning and afternoon to myself will feel great

    it would feel great if the hotel i want has vacancy tonite

    i want a man to come take me out the house now an dyet im worried that would feel more draining still if i don’t go somewhere i can both be in bed, smoke, listen to music and relax



  14.  #14Daria on July 26, 2012 at 11:01 am

    im feeling resentful

    i feel closed in my energy

    there doesnt feel like theres room to stretch and be happy

    i dont feel liked or good around my parents

    or hearing their voices in the house

    it feels comforting yet its like a wall keeping me from smiling, from enjoying my voice, howling, singing even crying



  15.  #15Receiving Girl on July 26, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Hi Ladies! I’ve been away doing my civic duty this week. I skimmed over the posts to try and catch up.

    (((Dancing Siren)))

    (((Memulo))) How is your man doing?

    She has stopped harassing me, thank goodness. But, she’s still harassing Mr. Observant. His phone is constantly going off with texts one after another all day. She is just calling him names, accusing him of things, etc. I feel concerned about his youngest. He seems to be afraid to talk to Dad because of how Mom will respond. (((Youngest))) She is constantly yelling, screaming, calling names, etc. all in front of the kids. It’s not a good situation for them. I hope the oldest is providing some support for the younger ones. I think they need it.

    My new medication is starting to work. I’m not feeling so tired and I think my hair is falling out less and my scalp isn’t so irritated. 🙂



  16.  #16ReceivingGirl on July 26, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Hi Ladies! I’ve been away doing my civic duty this week. I skimmed over the posts to try and catch up.

    (((Dancing Siren)))

    (((Memulo))) How is your man doing?

    She has stopped harassing me, thank goodness. But, she’s still harassing Mr. Observant. His phone is constantly going off with texts one after another all day. She is just calling him names, accusing him of things, etc. I feel concerned about his youngest. He seems to be afraid to talk to Dad because of how Mom will respond. (((Youngest))) She is constantly yelling, screaming, calling names, etc. all in front of the kids. It’s not a good situation for them. I hope the oldest is providing some support for the younger ones. I think they need it.

    My new medication is starting to work. I’m not feeling so tired and I think my hair is falling out less and my scalp isn’t so irritated. 🙂



  17.  #17ruth on July 26, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Dancing siren

    You cant fix him
    And its okay to fel sad and flat and hurting

    be kind to yourself
    xxxxxxxxxxx

    Starla, that post of yours made me feel very fuzzy



  18.  #18Tam on July 26, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Starla, those posts of yours were great! They re-inforced my beliefs too..the right man will step up and we need to do nothing except receive attention and be open.
    Easier said than done, but it’s a basic fact and easy to accept and put into practice, because it means doing nothing…just doing nothing. surrendering and accepting what comes our way.



  19.  #19Mel on July 26, 2012 at 11:55 am

    I have to remember that men only do what they want to do. I don’t have to feel bad about accepting/receiving.

    Mr A spent a lot of time helping me with moving stuff last night. I felt bad because I know he’s super busy right now and he would have to stay up late to get his own stuff done.

    He asked me if I wanted him to come along to help me unload… and I said “I feel bad saying yes because I know you are so busy… but I do want that.”

    That actually seemed to make him super happy!! He even said he would feel great helping me because he feels like he’s not been doing enough and that he’s been feeling a bit guilty.

    Cute. I feel amused at his feeling-y communication!



  20.  #20April Rose on July 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    If you have read any of my books (for men OR for women) then you know I often talk about men’s profound need to feel that they are the hero for their woman.
    But I want to take a few minutes to be sure that you take in the full meaning of that – because it is the KEY to inspiring the deepening devotion of a good man.
    If you do this right – you will not only draw a man who will be in service to your greatest happiness and you’re your greatest good…
    … but you will also make your man feel like the “king” that every man wants to feel…
    … and which drives him into even more feats of service to you.
    Sound good?
    It is a happy circle indeed, if done right.
    If done wrong – everything goes to hell.
    Let me elucidate…
    We men have evolved to “do” whatever it takes to protect and feed, support and nurture our loved ones.
    But things have gotten complicated since the days of bringing home mastodon meat.
    That tended to make the Missus a happy lady.
    But today – you have your own jobs. You can drive. You can choose your books and movies and nourish your mind and soul. You can pay your bills (more or less, these days!). You can work out at the gym, educate yourself, play sports, play music, enjoy your friends.
    So what’s left for a guy to DO?
    Because that is how we feel useful – when we can actually, physically “do” something for you…
    … and get appreciation and reward in return.
    Well, there are small things and there are big things.
    But how you respond to them makes ALL The difference between a happy love and intimacy or a death-spiral into cheating, estrangement and tears.
    Let me use my own life as an example of all of these options. Hell, I’ve been busy living it, so I might as well use it for something…
    Small Things Count; Big Things Count
    First – the small things we do to be your hero…
    My girlfriend (13 months and getting stronger all the time) was the “man” in her first marriage. She was the breadwinner and the bill-payer. She planned the family visit and took care of business.
    When we met she said that she finally wanted to be the “girl” in the relationship, which suited me, because had planned to be the guy anyway.
    I told her while we were together, she would never touch a door. Not a car door. A restaurant door. A theater door. Okay, maybe a bomb shelter door if we were in a hurry, but that’s the exception.
    Now – every time we get in the car or go out, she waits primly with a big smile on her face and I gallantly handle the door.
    It’s become a fun game for us.
    But here’s the key (because she’s kind of genius of male psychology)…
    She always thanks me and gives me a big smile.
    (You will hear me talk about men being Pavlov’s Gender. I’m no exception. You appreciate and reward us, we will repeat the act. Plain and simple.)
    That’s a relatively “small” thing.
    A BIG thing I can “do” for her is to stay steady with her through tears, to not try to fix anything or change anything, but be her steady witness and her accepting harbor. When she suffered a death in her family, she was prepared for me to retract when she cried (which is what her ex always did).
    I got to be her “hero” by being a steadfast man for her in exactly the way she needed.
    Which made me feel like a million bucks because I got to be her needed “hero.”
    And again, her appreciation and reward for “doing” what she needed has made me a ready servant for whatever tragedy or hardship may come along (not that I’m wishing for it anytime soon)
    Contrast that with my longest-term relationship (started too young at 23) with a woman who felt in continual competition with me.
    I could rarely win with her because when I did something nice, it was greeted with suspicion or worse, the feeling that she now had to outdo me to make things even again.
    As my grandmother would say. “Oy.” It ground my abundant love down to dust.
    I remember the sinking feeling I had when a certain movie star came up to me in a Santa Monica playground and said, “I’ve been watching you play with your children for the last hour. I just wanted to say how wonderful it is to see a dad so devoted and so happy to play with his kids.”
    My wife’s response?
    Not “I love you!” No “I’m so proud to be with you!” Not “I’m a lucky woman!”
    But simply, “how come no one ever compliments me when I play with the kids.”
    Her lack of appreciation for the small things and the big things dispirited me greatly over the years (and I have a lot of spirit!) until divorce was inevitable.
    Small actions count. Big actions count.
    Appreciate and reward him for both.
    He will get to feel great about himself.
    He will feel that he is useful to you (since you can handle your own life pretty well on your own). And he will stand ready to serve you again and again to keep earning your love, appreciation and reward.

    Adam Gilad



  21.  #21Mel on July 26, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    bloom-ing (from previous)

    I love writing my feelings in letter form. I’m not so good in person. I feel really speechless and like I have a mouth full of peanut butter when I’m feeling emotional.

    Mr A is cute though… I just say I need a moment, and he is patient with me and gives me cuddles as I feel my feelings (sometimes for like 5 min, LOL) and then I can finally vocalize.

    I’m going to have to get better at in-person FMs now that we’ll be living together. 🙂



  22.  #22Dancing Siren on July 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Sirens guess what I have just done?

    I have been to the supermarket and got myself a new, bright pink note book, and a new reading book entitled ‘The time of my life’ about a girl who gets stuck in a rut and then decides to shake up and change her life, plus some yummy food for me, and a small bottle of white wine, which I am allowed to have because I am NOT an alcohol addict, and I no longer have to worry about moderating my behaviour around alcohol!

    Don’t worry, I have NO intentions of going back to my old binge drinking ways, and I am still expecting to mainly go without alochol, however for some reason I really wanted to get myself this.

    And my friend texted me and asked me to go out on Saturday night, and I said yes, and we are going to a Salsa bar and I am looking forward to it. I intend not to drink and I feel kinda excited about that.

    Or I may have 1 glass of wine, IF I want to, and I feel ok about that too, and it might be nice not to.

    And I have also done a little bit of diary work.

    I am about to check my bank account to have a look at my finances, as I have not done that in a few days.

    And then tonight, apart from eating my yummy food, I intend to open back up my business budget and goals that I wrote out, to see whether I am on track. I am going to work out when I am due to finish paying off some of my debts, and I am going to re-do my personal budget, as I have not done this in a while.

    At some point soon I would like to get my own little place again, however this will be finances allowing and may not be for a little while yet.



  23.  #23Starla on July 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Dancing Siren, I love that you’re setting off on your own new path, where YOU define YOU, and it has nothing to do with anyone else’s behaviors or tendencies or pitfalls.
    Just do you
    Yes!
    Yummmmmmy



  24.  #24ruth on July 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Dancing siren, to read that post of yours feels *so*liberating.Inspirational!!
    Whoo-I feel quite inspired!

    Mel, I communicate better in the written word too, and it feels good to hear that feeling messages work by E mail.My only hangup is when writing , i have always tried to avoid repetition of words(unless, its to make a point poetically)
    So to keep using the word “feel”, well, it feels difficult



  25.  #25Mel on July 26, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Hi Ruth!

    I find when I write them out, I can be metaphorical and descriptive and lovely and poetic, but in the “moment” I just can’t express myself that way.

    For the most part, as a newbie siren, perhaps writing them has actually worked in my favor… because it helped be to not be so reactive and to really focus on ME and my feelings and not blaming.

    Writing it down forced me to take some time and distance before expressing myself, which I think has caused me to be more reflective.



  26.  #26Tam on July 26, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Ladies, I find it also much easier to write in feeling messages. In person it feels cringey sometimes and also, I can’t react fast often and things slip out that I could have said in feeling messages, so I often miss the boat.

    Glad I am not the only one!



  27.  #27Mel on July 26, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I usually just tell him that the mice are feeling all chattery and I need some time to listen to them. He loves my mice. I love them more.



  28.  #28Turquoise on July 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Hi sirens 🙂 FW, Mr. C. Had posted his idea on my fb post asking for suggestions with a 😉 . So I texted him and said it would be memorable and we joked about it with him saying my logo could be an outline of a stripper, and I added on a candy cane pole, which he replied exactly! Lol. So we had fun with his suggestion and made a joke about it. Then when I told him i was thinking Camile’s Confections, Where Sweet dreams come true, i asked what he thought. first he asked what a confection was and then told me he loved it!
    We agreed for me to stop over before work this morning. I brought him some meltaways and peanut butter fudge and he shared a bunch of ideas he has for his own business, plus showed me his new game room furniture. It was a quick visit, but sweet. 🙂
    I texted him from work to tell him how much I liked his ideas and he said I bring them out of him 🙂
    Then he sent me his first draft of my logo which I loved. Then he sent me this…
    One thing to remember..be brutally honest as we go through the process of making it how you like…it’s completely okay to say “I don’t like it” or “change this” or whatever…i won’t take it personal..it’s just a professional expectation that my vision is not the same as yours and you are the customer so you get it your way no matter what my opinion.

    I thanked him and asked if I could see more options and suggested colors I like. We seem to click well, and really encourage and motivate each other. 🙂
    I realized from that post how much I want to control, and started feeling those feelings with him, but have completely let that go. I can’t control other people. I don’t need to force something or rush. This is a big revelation for me. It’s a challenge to change that. But it is getting easier and the more I focus on myself, the easier it gets.
    Tom, the guy who brought me here over a year ago, is a friend on FB. He emailed me last night to ask how I am. Guess all my posts about the business, all my walking, new driveway and landscaping, and my wonderfully busy life with friends and girls night coming up…. Sparked some curiousity. 🙂



  29.  #29ReceivingGirl on July 26, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    @20

    Mr. Observant always opens doors for me and I always smile & say thank you. Now, he has been saying, “Let me open the door for you, my dear!” He’s cute.



  30.  #30ruth on July 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    I still have an issue with the repetion of the word “feel”
    it upsets my literary critic

    Cannot see a way around that

    Mice

    that feels nice?

    Like that one



  31.  #31Turquoise on July 26, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Hi Ruth, I really resisted at first too. It has gotten easier, and I realize when I don’t use them, I don’t get that emotional response I crave. I don’t use them constantly, but get a few into each conversation.



  32.  #32ReceivingGirl on July 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Dancing Siren, I feel good you are focusing on YOU! 🙂

    Ladies, I also find feeling messages harder in person than in writing. I’m getting better, but Mr. Observant uses FMs too and sometimes I think he’s better at them than me!



  33.  #33Starla on July 26, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Ladies, I feel so terrified
    My internet provider upset me greatly by repeatedly doubling my bill without informing me first, so I cancelled it. I don’t want to do business with a company that just takes money from me like that.

    I feel terrified. I love the internet! And I feel curious what life will be like without it at home. It’s like my companion/friend/source of entertainment.



  34.  #34ruth on July 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Thank you turquoise
    I geuss I just keep on going, am new to all this

    your life feels very exciting right now
    Starla, i could not manage withnout the internet

    Considdering that 10 year ago, i never even had a computer, this is weird



  35.  #35Starla on July 26, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    i knowwww, ruth, i feel really scared, like “what have I done”

    I admit, though, in all seriousness: I have an internet addiction. It’s my one serious vice. The second I get home, I turn on the computer and get online. It’s the last thing I use before bed, too. It’s just constant. I procrastinate things while using the internet, too.

    It’s probably for the best.

    But I will be confronted with my loneliness/boredom BIG TIME



  36.  #36ruth on July 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Not that its helped my typing;)

    (actually, i could not type at all before, and now i could do my own leters if i absolutely had to)

    Hope that daria is happy in a hotel somewhere



  37.  #37Mel on July 26, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Ruth,

    Circus mice, actually. I can just picture them in their little flamboyant costumes doing all sorts of amazing tricks. But sometimes they get all erratic and confused and SUPER sensitive.



  38.  #38ruth on July 26, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    I love the mice mel
    🙂

    Starla
    i work away form home and live in a tiny room during the week
    Doing without internet is not an option for me

    Yes, i waste lots of time on it, but its not an option not to have it.



  39.  #39Turquoise on July 26, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Mel and her mice 🙂 so glad to hear how you work through your triggers. It’s such a good example for us! Thanks for sharing!

    Dancing siren, I’m sorry 🙁 my sister spent 20 years with an addict though, supporting, encouraging, waiting, giving chance after chance until she just couldn’t. He’s still not recovered, but she has moved on and has been dating a drug free man for a year now. Bravo to you for making the choice now! You come first, always!



  40.  #40Smile on July 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    After 2 weeks he finally called after not getting back to the wedding invite. I missed his call as I was on the phone. He texed asking if I got his messages on Facebook. He sent one last week and yesterday. I never got the but think he was making this up to sound like he was trying to get in touch. He said he had been dealing with a lot of stuff. I just said you know where I am if you need me. He replied he tended to deal with stuff alone and then put a crying face.

    Like an idiot I then replied about him being in a man cave. I haven’t heard back from him. Now I want to lean forward to undo my insensitive comment 🙁



  41.  #41Starla on July 26, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    (((((((((smile))))))))))))))
    don’t worry
    just stop
    no more leaning forward right now:)
    Love on you!



  42.  #42Smile on July 26, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    So I did lean forward to say I’m sorry if my text felt insensitive, I find it difficult to have this kind of conversation through text messages.

    Do I sound totally unsireny?



  43.  #43Smile on July 26, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Starla, I promise no more leaning forward. This man is greatly confusing me being on and off. I go weak when he gets back in touch after withdrawing. I will stay strong now.



  44.  #44ruth on July 26, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    No, you dont smile
    I think we all slip a bit and to be concerned is human
    just as long as you dont follow it up with a load of texts like i would
    its fine



  45.  #45Radlove on July 26, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Turquoise,

    28 – That sounds awesome with the candy cane pole and girl pole dancing! Sounds like some good progress with your man, too!



  46.  #46Mel on July 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Hi Turquoise,

    The mice are asking for some of your delicious candies. They have a sweet-tooth! 🙂



  47.  #47Smile on July 26, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Thanks Ruth, I want to be there for him but I can’t be his emotional crutch in the off times. He knows where I am if he really needs me though.



  48.  #48turquoise on July 26, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Oh Yeah Mel 🙂 I’m hoping to have the site up by Aug. 7th! 🙂 There will be a product list, pricing and I’m hoping to be able to process orders online. So just let me know what the mice are craving and I’ll send you some! I might even have a blog on my site. I can share ideas and information about what craft shows I’ll be at, etc.

    This is fun! 🙂

    Radlove, that idea may come to light for bachelorette type candy, but I’m going to start with the other one first 🙂 Thanks!



  49.  #49Smile on July 26, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Whilst I’m not having the relationship I want just yet. I’m still learning from strumming man. I feel he is learning lots from me too. He replied saying he was feeling very negative abiut himself at the moment and feeling sorry for himself. I suggested he find out about the law of attraction as this has helped me so much with my negative thinging. Since using roris tools in my life I have found he is opening up more to me about his feelings.



  50.  #50Dancing Siren on July 26, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Ok Sirens,

    Its getting later at night. Its about 10pm here.

    Abou now I would often get a goodnight text from S so I am just steelng myself up to the fact that its not going to come tonight.

    Having said that he had been missing some nights recently, I don’t know, and I think it was because he had been drinking. So it helps to remember that because I don’t have to worry abou that anymore.

    I feel a bit weird about not being chosen over alcohol and drugs, but then I know addiction is more compicated than that.

    Still sucks though!!

    Well I did my budget, and guess what, for the first time in AGES I am actually ok. I can afford to live, pay my debts AND have a little bit over each month.
    Well in fact the next month is different as I am closing classes for the summer, so it will still seem a bit tight, but, come September, even IF I only continued doing business and earning each month the way I currently am, I will still have some over each month. And this is without the pub job!

    Actually I have set myself some goals, which I think are realistic and do-able, to increase my business some more, and if I achieve these I will have quite a bit over each month!

    Even if I only do half of what I have planned I will be more than ok.

    This is SUCH good news for me, considering I was unsure whether I could make this business work, and have been struggling like a Mo Fo for the past few months, doing 5 jobs and working all the hours under the sun. Well no more!

    This means that if all goes then I have options. By Christmas this year I can probably afford to move out if I so choose, OR, I can choose to sit it out, stay here at my parents just a bit longer, and pay off my debts quickly.

    So this is AMAZING news for me.

    And I feel proud of myself.

    There is just 1 thing that I know of I have to be a little careful of, but that will be ok too.

    This time I intend to take my time, and use my head, and always be a little bit extra careful with my finances.

    Yay me.



  51.  #51ruth on July 26, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Maybe the men can learn from us too



  52.  #52Smile on July 26, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Whilst I would never share roris tools with him and tell him I’m here, I have been able to share lots with himpretending I know this stuff just frOm being a girl.



  53.  #53Smile on July 26, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    I’m imagining great wealth for all the sirens



  54.  #54Starla on July 26, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    omg. love to me
    i started BLUSHING BRIGHT RED when i told my boss our old coworker was coming into town tomorrow and picking me up to go to a concert.

    love to me.

    i dont’ know why i was blushing. i guess i worry that people always thought me and him had a “thing” when we didn’t.



  55.  #55Starla on July 26, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    thank you smile:)
    great wealth feels great to imagine:)



  56.  #56Starla on July 26, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    a guy i reaaaally like from the dating site just texted me asking me if i am really as cute as i look in my profile pictures

    ummmmmmmmm i feel weird (and the answer is actually no. they’re flattering pictures, duh!)



  57.  #57ruth on July 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Pictures are never as pretty as the real thing, so yah boo sucks starla

    you are goregous



  58.  #58Starla on July 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    aw ruth, you’re so sweet:)

    he sent me a picture of himself right this moment.

    so i reciprocated. no makeup, hair a mess. he said he liked it



  59.  #59Starla on July 26, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    hehe he does really like it:)

    and he’s not actually as good looking as his photos:P:P



  60.  #60bloom-ing on July 26, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    awww i feel happy reading about you (((((((DancingSiren))))))) hoorah : ) you’re amazing.



  61.  #61Dancing Siren on July 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    I know I am going to have to change my relationship status on Facebook at some point.

    I know how trivial this sounds and still the thought of it fills me with fear!

    Just having to deal with that and how its gonna feel and people asking and stuff.

    Umph.

    Or maybe flip it… maybe it won’t be that bad at all!

    Ummm, also at some point I am going to need to collect my stuff from his.

    Oh no I feel like I am going to cry again.

    But I suppose there is no hurry.

    I hope it will be ok.

    It will be ok. I am just feeling sad. Very sad 🙁



  62.  #62bloom-ing on July 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    starla, for a long time i had no internet/tv nothing at home. i made art, food, a clean home : ) happy timez lady : )



  63.  #63Starla on July 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    bloom, yeah i bet my house will be a lot cleaner!

    I need to get a CD player.



  64.  #64Dancing Siren on July 26, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    One thing Sirens,

    I notice that he did not argue this time when I said in my text earlier that I will only be with him if he is clean and sober.

    He would usually tell me how he is, and there is no issue etc…

    He didn’t this time!

    I know I am supposed to focus on me, and so I feel a little guilty processing.

    But I need to do that too I think….

    Just not too much!



  65.  #65Dancing Siren on July 26, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    What I need to calm myself with too, is that there is nearly always more to the story.

    Like just because I have stated my boundary, and moved away from him, that doesn’t mean the story is definitely over.

    It might be.

    And often there is more.

    When I think back to previous ex’s, there usually has been, although I don’ want to hold on to this, rather to move forward regardless.

    And I also don’t mean more of the same, just often there is some kind of something, after, later on, that usually results in more peace being found, or me realsing ‘thank g8d I am no longer in that situation’ or whatever.

    Does that make any kind of sense.

    I guess what I am saying is it won’t always feel so raw.

    Time and distance will stop me from feeling so intensly about this situation. And I will realise that he really has made his own choices, and its not my fault.



  66.  #66Pamelala on July 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Dancing Siern, just some technical advice for FB if you want it. You can go in to edit your profile and set your status privacy setting to “only me” and no one will see your relationship status change. Then they can learn about the change in a more organic way/ less public way.



  67.  #67Francesca on July 26, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    My financial advisor seems to think I’m wealthy. She keeps telling me I should invest more. Everytime she says that, I cringe.

    I don’t think I’m wealthy but she says I’m wealthier than most people. I’m having a hard time believing that.

    I keep telling her I’m just frugal and not a big spender.

    She says the more reason for you to put money away for a rainy day.

    I just got a credit margin today. I never thought it would go through.

    I feel more secure now.

    Although I need to make more money.

    No one has contacted me about my ad yet but I’m not losing hope.



  68.  #68P-lala on July 26, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    You ladies are inspiring me to get my financEs in order. I would live to get my debt down!



  69.  #69ruth on July 26, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    P lala

    what a great post re facebook
    I didnt know you could do that

    then DS can take her time

    DS, you are doing so, so well, and even so early on
    I feel so proud of you



  70.  #70ruth on July 26, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    man is quoting back my phrases at me
    i challenged him on it, and he said he is listening

    Okay

    he has even started using”i feel”

    hey, i am not comfy with this yet!

    I went straight to using it with him and have not done much in other life
    we will see



  71.  #71Dancing Siren on July 26, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Ruth,

    I used feeling messages with S from the beginning.

    By the end he was using them quite frequently too. It feels to me like a nice and loving way to communicate.

    I used to feel intimidated when a guy did it, like ‘Hey, get off my territory! That’s what *I* do!!’

    But now I quite appreciate it.



  72.  #72Dancing Siren on July 26, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Ok getting ready for sleep.

    But feeling a bit afraid of being alone in the night on my own.

    So silly I know as I have been hundreds of times before.

    And somehow I feel afraid to go to sleep on this day.

    I don’t know what meaning I am giving going to sleep. It could be fear of change.

    Anyway my new book feels quite appealing.

    I was reading 50 Shades of Gray but left that at S’s.

    Going to start aying goodnight Sirens…

    I may switch of the computer now.

    Or I may post again.

    It would feel good to get some sleep and be fresh in the morning.



  73.  #73Memulo on July 26, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    I behaved like a fool and now feeling miserable. Late last night I sent him a little song, then today decided it was a stupid song and stupid of me to send it without a word of my own. I decided it was cold. So in midday I sent ‘hi’ and then another text, one tender word as well. No response till now. I am only doing it because he is in such a horrible situation. Now I realized it was too much and I am losing his interest. If not already!! I really feel miserable. First not having the right word to say in response to him and then bugging him one time after another. I almost felt like crying at work.

    No response



  74.  #74Memulo on July 26, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Maybe I am just doomed to be alone



  75.  #75P-lala on July 26, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Memulo! My guess is that he just does not have the emotional energy to take care of you right now…and that’s what it feels like you’re asking for. I know you say it’s “just because he’s in such a horrible situation,” but it feels more about you and your need for reassurance that you’re ‘doing it right’ while he’s in such a horrible situation than it is about his need for support.

    Sending a sweet song is not stupid – you’re making that up in your head or trying to get into his head and decide that he thinks it’s stupid because he hasn’t responded.

    Check in with yourself…why did you send the song? To support him or to get a response?

    Why did you say ‘hi’?
    To let him know that you’re thinking about him or to get a response from him?

    My impression is that you are contacting him in order to extract attention. As the recipient of that kind of behavior from a dear friend, it is exhausting.
    I was really struggling and wanted time to figure out my “stuff” and she was constantly contacting me looking for affirmation that our friendship was still ok. She was trying to take more than I could give her in a time when I really needed my own emotional energy for my own process…I had to leave her to her own process with regard to that. She was terribly hurt, but it just wasn’t my job to take care of her…

    Because of that, I may be projecting my experience onto you…so if it doesn’t fit, please disregard it…if it does, I wonder:

    How can you take care of your own heart right now? How can you refocus your energy?
    Can you let him be an adult and deal with his own struggles and let him ask for help if he needs it?

    ((((((((Memulo))))))))
    Please stop beating yourself up



  76.  #76Femininewoman on July 26, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Memulo if you would commit to cdating as much as you have committed to rowing the relationship boat you would realize that you have options. I know this sound blamey but it just seems like about time that you ask yourself some tough questions.

    But I guess you have to go through your process.



  77.  #77LoveAlways on July 26, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    Hi sirens. Writing here instead of calling or texting him



  78.  #78Memulo on July 26, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    P-lala,

    Yes, believe it or not I texted him to support and because I wanted to say a tender word to him. It may appear like I want something from him, I realized it too late. But when I get no response I feel really bad. i feel that something is wrong. And it is, since he would have said something if he felt close to me.



  79.  #79Memulo on July 26, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    P-lala,

    Are you a man? I didn’t realize that.



  80.  #80Memulo on July 26, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    I am really afraid it is too late. Another mistake and there is a chance it’s the last one.



  81.  #81P-lala on July 26, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    No, I’m not a man…codependency can happen in any type of relationship and I had a friend that was pretty dependent on my constant affirmation.

    On another note, I think it’s important to remember that there are no last chances with the right man.

    I’m so sorry that you’re enduring such anxiety…I feel sad that you seem to be torturing yourself.



  82.  #82Memulo on July 26, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    FW I was actually waiting for my CD to pick me up. I am on a date now and I feel terrible and very hurt



  83.  #83Femininewoman on July 26, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Memulo if you are on a date your focus should be on working the tools. Touch objects, be in the present moment, be in your body



  84.  #84Femininewoman on July 26, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Latest research shows that the smallest amount of gluten can trigger inflammation and autoimmune reactions lasting for up to six months in gluten sensitive individuals. Coffee also has been found to be the most harmful food for those with gluten intolerance.

    Effects Last Longer Than You Think
    Bloating, gas, cramping, and old injury flare-ups are responses that indicate inflammation. And each of these symptoms is more significant to your overall health than you may realize.

    http://renegadehealth.com/blog/2012/07/24/how-long-does-that-tiny-bit-of-gluten-affect-your-body



  85.  #85Femininewoman on July 26, 2012 at 5:55 pm


  86.  #86Femininewoman on July 26, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Cory Booker

    On the other side of hurt is healing
    On the other side of darkness is discovery
    On the other side of trial is triumph
    On the other side grief is growth
    On the other side of pain is possibility
    On the other side of loss are lessons
    On the other wounds is wisdom
    On the other side of failure is fortitude
    On the other side of crying is courage
    On the other side of mistakes is maturity

    Never give up, and you will never be denied

    No matter what the challenge there always is – the other side..



  87.  #87Miss Bells on July 26, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    I need help.
    HS is still sneaking around–and still being solicitous and cozy with me.
    I do have a very strong attachment to him, but that doesn’t necessarily matter.
    This is the thing–whether I stay put for the time being and get a car, or leave in a few days- how to handle the communication.
    A lot of relationship coaches say to stand tall- don’t let them see your real feelings–pretend to be doing fine. And if you leave, act like YOU are rejecting them.
    The idea, and it is a good one, is that by processing your feelings with the one who hurt you you are re-victimizing yourself and losing even MORE attractiveness. But–if you act like a ROCK-STAR who momentarily shined some light his way and have now moved on you increase your perceived value.
    But–this is the opposite of the vulnerable sharing of authentic feelings that Rori teaches.
    So–what do I do?
    This is not about whether I stay or go. I simply can’t afford to pay more than $400, for which I can get a spot under the freeway overpass or stay here in this house with HS even though he is extremely difficult.



  88.  #88P-lala on July 26, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Miss Bells,

    I wonder if you’re limiting the possiblities by saying you either stay with HS or move under the freeway. Have you looked for roommate ads on craigslist? There ARE other options. The theory I use with my clients is that there are 20 options for every problem…if you can think of 5-7 of them you can make a better choice for yourself.



  89.  #89FlowerChild77 on July 26, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Do anyone know any ‘tools’ that I could be using to help me get over losing my partner/lover/fiance? It’s been three months since he died and I still miss him every single day. I still cry sometimes and I still feel so empty inside.

    He was my best friend for thirteen years…..even during the bad times…even when we’d be fighting. There was never anyone else for either of us in all that time.

    I use the ‘falling to my knees’ when it’s really bad. I’ve been exercising a lot to wear myself out and tomorrow I’m going to start listening to Heart Connection Tool Kit. (I figure it can’t hurt.) I meditate every day and at night I’m doing Deepak Chopra’s 21 Day Meditation Challenge.

    It probably “sounds” like I’m doing the right stuff, but it doesn’t feel like it’s working.

    I’m sorry to still be talking about this and kind of ‘complaining’ but it’s the only honest thing I can do. I feel stuck.



  90.  #90Miss Bells on July 26, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    I have looked, and even moved out and had two very bad experiences in two separate shared housing situations.
    I live in an extremely pricey county. I have lived here for over thirty years and my entire social support system is here.
    But $400 gets you an 8X10 room in a place with scary people and bad plumbing. I look every day, and place ads explaining what I need, and what I can pay. No one ever answers because it is a ridiculous request considering the market.
    This place he owns free and clear and the rent (or household contribution) is artificially low.
    I would have to leave the area, probably to another state to get a livable room in a house for $400.
    Though it is possible that the nearest metro area 50 miles away is urban enough I might be able to find something funky on purpose that is also that cheap. But–I can’t stay around here unless I actually stay–here…



  91.  #91Radlove on July 26, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    I feel weird…I am texting R while I go thru all the responses to my personals post. I feel almost nauseated. Guess I will stop for now and just enjoy texting R.



  92.  #92Miss Bells on July 26, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    @88 I tried to reply–I am in moderation. Not sure why–I wasn’t cursing.



  93.  #93Turquoise on July 26, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Flower child, it does sound like you are doing all the right things. It’s going to take time to get over a loss like that. Be patient with yourself. It’s been almost three years since my sister died and I still miss her terribly. I think it took about a year, to get through all the firsts without her (holidays, seasons, etc) before life started feeling normal.

    My divorce was pretty traumatic. I kept busy with friends, I exercised to release stress, and I tried dating, which mostly was just chatting. The distraction made it easier to not think about my husband.
    Is there something you love that you’ve always wanted to try? I know hearing keep busy is probably not what you want to hear, but it just takes time to grieve a loss. Hugs to you!



  94.  #94Miss Bells on July 26, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    (((((FlowerChild)))))
    It does take time. Everything will slowly get better. My widow friend of 4 years is beginning to date again, and I never thought I would see it. If she can, one day you will to.
    HUGS!!



  95.  #95Emerson on July 26, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    (((Dancing Siren)))
    You inspire me always….love to you xoxo



  96.  #96Emerson on July 26, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    This showed up randomly on my Pandora…never heard it before…but I LOVE this song…I want this-what he talks about in the lyrics….and how cute/funny that the band has my name 🙂 I feels special

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYKKmXjJBzo



  97.  #97Memulo on July 26, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    Thank you FW, I tried to be pleasant and cheerful on my date and to enjoy myself.

    I feel so hurt. Maybe it was the last drop for him after which he completely withdraws. I don’t know. I am the nice kind type. Every time he complains I fall for it. He sent me a dramatic text yesterday and I still felt his pain today and I said hi and something tender.

    I am the stupid ‘nice’ girl. Never criticizing, never angry, lets walk over her. That’s my manual in a nutshell



  98.  #98Starla on July 26, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Memulo, regardless of whether you were leaning forward by sending ONE text and ONE song over 24 hours, at 6 months, that shouldn’t be enough to cause him to lose interest. you’re either second guessing yourself way too much, or this man is sooo not the man for you. Seriously, it’s a song and a hello. It’s not an attraction killer. At 6 dates, maybe. But 6 months? No way.



  99.  #99Starla on July 26, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    They haven’t shut my beloved internet off yet
    i’m glad i cancelled it though. i seriously needed a boundary with this company. this is the 3rd time this has come up. i’m guessing they’ll call me in a month and offer me some ridiculously low rate to sign back up.



  100.  #100P-lala on July 26, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Starla,
    Do you only have one internet provider in your area?



  101.  #101Memulo on July 26, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    Thank you Starla



  102.  #102Starla on July 26, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    there is 1 other provider, but the other provider uses a different technology that is a bit of a hassle to get in my place. but i am going to try life without the internet for a while.



  103.  #103Miss Bells on July 26, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    The party is on Saturday. 100+ guests, some overnight. I am into the cooking.
    HS is AWOL.
    He said he was going to the bank and coming right back. That was at 1 PM.
    I know where he is…With OW
    There is a lot of work still to be done. He was supposed to go to CostCo with some friends that are members, then help me with prep. Yesterday he was chasing me around trying to tickle me, then we had dinner and watched a movie.
    I guess he got lost.
    How should I handle this?



  104.  #104Miss Bells on July 26, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    I was thinking of ignoring him until he comes to me.



  105.  #105Miss Bells on July 26, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    I know that he has a right to do what he wants, but that doesn’t mean his behavior is acceptable.
    He is still FLIRTING with me–and then getting verbally abusive.
    By which I mean-disparaging my political beliefs, my friends, my competence. Among other things.
    I was thinking of saying “Look–I HAVE loved you deeply for years, but now…. I don;t know what I feel. Pretty close to nothing. So, let’s just get back to the chores… You tend to your knitting and I’ll tend to mine. I don’t want to talk right now.”



  106.  #106Jilly on July 26, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    FlowerChild…not sure if this helps or not…

    my aunt (she’s 43), her husband died unexpectedly about 4 or 5 years ago. He was sick and then all of a sudden he was in the hospital with his lungs full of fluid and was gone within 24 hours.

    My aunt swore she would never date again, and that she would stay single…he kind of left her in a bad place with lot of debt and stuff..

    anyway…a friend of hers said she was going to put her on a dating site after 2 or 3 months…the 3rd guy she LOOKED at online, she met. They ended up getting engaged after 4 months or so and she was married almost a year to the day her husband had passed away.

    She is NOW with her soulmate. She couldn’t be happier and couldn’t have picked someone better for her. And she had had no plans of ever dating again.

    Would you consider dating?



  107.  #107Emerson on July 26, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Miss bells I like that you stated what you dont want



  108.  #108Emerson on July 26, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    I’m really worried about slv
    Where is she??



  109.  #109Miss Bells on July 26, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    #107–yes-that’s all that’s left.



  110.  #110ruth on July 26, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    Morning ladies
    I expect most of you are tucked up in bed

    Flowerchild-three months is nothing in terms of timescale
    It *will* get better but there will still be the odd day when it is overwhelming
    Grif is not linear

    Im sending you love and strength
    xxxxxxxxxxx



  111.  #111Emerson on July 26, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    ((flower child))



  112.  #112Miss Bells on July 26, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    Yes–Flowerchild–It will get better I promise you…



  113.  #113Emerson on July 26, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    Hi Ruth

    Jilly thank you for sharing that I feel hopeful.



  114.  #114Emerson on July 26, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Jilly I know it was for flower child but I still feel hopeful

    I had strange dreams last night. Eep. About oceans and shops and paths and being lost and I was young….weird.

    I have a potential job lead I’m checking into tomorrow. Weird thing is the place I’m going to go has been in my minds eye for the past few days and then they called me!!! Hmmm



  115.  #115Esta on July 26, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    hi all im new 35 yrs old, been reading last few days. i dont even know what to say. i had been with this guy for 14 months the last 4 months of it i had convinced myself im not into him dont wanna be with him he is this he is that it wasnt until he left on 21st july although he talked and we sat for 2 hours that i realised how little i thought i felt wasnt true he saw me really cry for the first time and just held me for about 10 minutes.

    so anyway my reasons with my thinking were that he didnt talk i never knew how he felt and he stopped touching me looking at me noticing me and that hurt and when i tried to talk just about how i was feeling you know like a lousy day kind of talk he just said nothing this made me feel angry and like he didnt care so with this happening for a couple of months i just closed up and felt angry and sad and although he was here in my house beside me still felt alone.

    I had it set in my mind i was going to end it but ended up his doing.

    so when it came to it it was like a wall came down and i felt all these things i had convinced myself i didnt feel. i felt immense pain over the days i have realised that i did focus on what he wasnt doing but have realised he was doing a lot more than he wasnt. he was
    always wanting to help me do things for me hold me made me feel beautifull and attractive supported me with my children .i just really needed that communication i think.

    however i have just let him be if he texts asking how i am i just say that im feeling …. however i may be at the time. i decided not to ask him anything about what he is upto or initiate any texts etc i be warm and kind not bitter and angry. and when he says about what he has done or upto i simply reply thats nice or ok or that is no good you know just that sort of talk. he has asked to come and talk i agreed to that and was a nice talk i let him be just listened to whatever he said and every now and then he would talk about his feelings towards me as one part he stated is my heart is still with you but i feel lost i said ok looking him in his eyes with a loving understanding smile from me and he remains in contact i only reply to open text and dont get into anything to meaningfull unless he starts that.

    the thing is i am confused i fear of losing him but also am feeling scared of becoming serious this i dont understand im pickin that that is fear of being hurt on my part as last time i really opened my heart to a man it got very badly hurt and i think this is what is causing the me convincing myself i dont feel that much for you instead of listening or feeling how i really feel.

    he has said he wants to stay in contact with me because he cares and thinks im a wicked chick (his words) and wants to be there for me to keep helping me as much as i love this but i feel i want more than this from him and i dont know if that is what he wants. which brings me to the scared part how do i say this to him without pushing him away how do i find out from him where he is wanting this to go i need to be clear in my mind cause dont want to hang on in hope.

    i know my novel is all jumbled and all over the place but i am just writing what come to thought and having a vent to i spose

    Iam not clear on what is meant by the man pursue you but i think he is well i feel he is keeping me in the picture because he possibly is wanting more than friends but not sure maybe that is me convincing myself again the reason i say is wanting more than friends is because he does open up to me ant talk about heart things about me and him. when he is comfortable and i love that he is now doing that but is leaving me feeling with the why question why now when he ended it.

    Esta



  116.  #116Esta on July 26, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    and he is not a bad person in any means. all he wants to do is please and be kind and make people happy but i know he found it really hard to talk about the inside of him and i pushed that cause how i was feeling and well look where it got me then i came accross this site looking for help. and just reading blogs i have realised a lot more and now feel i never gave either of us a fair chance at that relationship and am wanting that chance to really get a feel of it and see how it goes but not sure if can or how



  117.  #117Tam on July 27, 2012 at 12:20 am

    Hello Ladies!
    I read the blog with interest, seems a lot of Sirens are going through a touch time…bereavement, financial stuff (me too) and so on. I wish us all strength!!
    My life is just ticking along…I haven’t got triggered by anything for a while, MrU is gone dead on me for what is almost a week – and that’s it.
    I occasionally catch myself thinking ‘aw, he’s going boating with bikini beauties again this weekend’ – yep, that’s about 99% what is happening but why do I remind myself. Perhaps because I have zero plans for the weekend and can’t do anything as I have to save the little money that I have. Having to stop CDing isn’t helping the situation, obviously. And being cooped up with family isn’t either, as you well know.
    Anyhow, so I did ask for a houseshare and lots of friends have contacted me. I put it on ‘public’ on fb because I wanted to reach as many people as possible. I did consider not to as it means MrU will see it, but hey. So he will get triggered by me asking others for a room and not him again – I know him too well. Then again, he could have just answered whether his condo was available or not, yet he didn’t – he probably thought I’d ask him again…well, no!!! In fact, I have a much better solution now.
    That’s how the Universe delivers sometimes and I feel happy about that. Now I just have to survive August and September here – it seems doable…9 weeks or so. I can do that.
    Love to all Sirens!!



  118.  #118Tam on July 27, 2012 at 12:21 am

    ‘a tough time’



  119.  #119Dancing Siren on July 27, 2012 at 12:24 am

    Hi Flowerchil

    ((((((Flowerchild))))))

    I lost my Dad when I was 13.

    It took me a long time to get over it, and each days it DOES slowly get a bit easier.

    You are doing all the right things.

    And what I realise now is that its important that 2 lives are not lost. My Dad would not have wanted me to spend a long time greiving, and neither would your man.

    There IS still a lot of love and joy out there in the world, we just have to learn to feel it again. And there is also a lot of LOVE and JOY within us.

    Be patient with yourself though.

    Take it day by day, so what can you do today to help you feel a little bit of joy?

    xoxox



  120.  #120ruth on July 27, 2012 at 12:51 am

    Dancing Siren , what a beautiful comforting post.thank you

    Tam, sure, nine weeks is no time at all
    I am covered in ginger body cream.I feel all sensuous



  121.  #121Tam on July 27, 2012 at 1:16 am

    9 weeks, 9 weeks, I can do it, yes I can – thanks Ruth…
    trouble is then I can only stay 3 months again..and then?
    I don’t want to think about that yet.
    I need a miracle 😉



  122.  #122Tam on July 27, 2012 at 1:51 am

    Oooh, the judgement thing rears its ugly head.
    A feew weeks back I was dating an English guy here, he was very very nice and he moved things towards relationship..then he went away for a weekend, stayed with a ‘female friend’ and poofed.
    Well, here’s to intuition and common sense and not making up ‘good stories’…I figured that he was interested in her more than me. I never ever leant forward to find out what the real story was – and he never ever contacted me again, even though we had made concrete future plans (which I find rude, actually).

    Now by coincidence I see this ‘female friend’ is here with him…..sooooooo I was right all along.
    I can’t help but feel a little angry, because he could have just said something and to not leave me in the dark like that. I mean, he could have just dropped me a line to say ‘I am sorry, changed my mind about our plans, please understand, hope you are well’.
    Yes, yes, I know, they don’t owe us anything. Except I think asking someone one week ‘where is this going’ and bringing up ‘relationship’ and making future plans (he seemed way further along the timeline than me)…and then just poofing one day – it’s just rude, plain rude.
    But now I see why, black on white, as it were. And I feel that common sense is the best saviour. You see, I could have made up some story about how he was busy with work or not well or whatever – nah, he was chasing someone else..haha. Too funny – thank you intuition.



  123.  #123Dancing siren on July 27, 2012 at 3:04 am

    Subscribing



  124.  #124Memulo on July 27, 2012 at 3:10 am

    He is on a dating site. I just saw him logged in at 1am there.

    Do I say anything? Just contact him and say it?



  125.  #125Memulo on July 27, 2012 at 3:12 am

    It doesn’t matter. He is not committing to me. Off to his new game



  126.  #126Tam on July 27, 2012 at 3:21 am

    Memulo, just let it rest and remove yourself. Go on some dates, try to distract yourself. He may be back, he may not. I know it’s tough, believe me. But it’s your best course of action.



  127.  #127Linda on July 27, 2012 at 3:40 am

    Well, after a week of slowly cutting back on responding to manlyman’s texting I have not heard from him in 24 hours. YEAH! He sent a good morning yesterday but I did not respond. It felt rude to not respond, but really how much effort does it take to send a 11 lettered text. Truely, just I wanted him to go away. I did not even have it in me for a polite reponse anymore. He is a co-dependant type personality. I am sure he has a new lady he is overwhelming with his obnoxiousness and crude behavior. Maybe there are lots of women out there that would find it flattering or like that type of thing, but certainly not me.

    I have no men on the horizon, no hits online for two weeks. I feel curious why, part of me wants to fix that… do something to shake it up, (especially when I hear so many of you out here have inboxes full)….but right now I dont care. I dont care enough to do anything about it right now.

    I feel ready for the universe to bring a man to me. I am tired of looking or working at it. Spending energy on it feels all leaning forward to me. It has been two full months now that I am relationshipless (if I dare to call what it was that) and after the two strange men that have shown up in my life Cd’ing… I AM GOOD with the quiet right now.

    I am going out with girlfriends tomorrow night to a local winnery and concert. I got tickets at work for free! How cool is that. There were $15 online and work sent out an email saying they had some for free! Woo hoo.

    —–

    Miss Bells…. the situation that I lived with that is similar to yours…. was so unsatisfying and just plain ugly drama to me. That man would be flirty with me which just enough crumbs to keep me a hooked on the “maybe he cares and loves me and it will all get better”. But now I realize it was only to appease his bad behavior an conscious. When he got all his missing ducks lined up was gone. I fooled myself into thinking his little attentions he sent my way meant something more.

    I hope for you it turns out different, because you want it to.



  128.  #128Memulo on July 27, 2012 at 3:43 am

    Thank you Tam. The funny part is while I am sick worried about him and his situation, can’t sleep and don’t know how else to please him to ease his pain he is very comfortable talking if not dating other women. With all his pain.



  129.  #129Memulo on July 27, 2012 at 3:45 am

    Can it be because the song was stupid and only annoyed him? And showed to him that I don’t understand him?



  130.  #130Memulo on July 27, 2012 at 3:47 am

    On tuesday he wrote in response to my request to take me to the exhibit (stupid request, meant to distract him) – I don’t feel like going out. So now he feels it? After another stupid thing from me?



  131.  #131Memulo on July 27, 2012 at 4:16 am

    I need to take care of me. I missed my chance to resist his withdrawal. I did not say no. and got so busy shopping for his bday gift, it’s not even funny.

    Ok I am not feeling like a winner now, but I am. I was myself with him,expressed my love and good intent. Now it’s time to take care of me.



  132.  #132ruth on July 27, 2012 at 4:29 am

    Please do take care of you Memulo



  133.  #133Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 4:41 am

    Memulo how do you take care of you?



  134.  #134Memulo on July 27, 2012 at 5:07 am

    FW, Ruth, thank you. This weekend I am going to visit friends out of town. I am forbidding myself to think about him. I am telling myself to forget, the whole story never happened. I had a break for a few months and now it’s back to normal. my ‘normal’ is to be alone and take care of my life and my family. I was crazy to think this pattern will ever change. Anyway – all this never happened, nothing to regret or think about. I had a nice time



  135.  #135Dominique on July 27, 2012 at 5:29 am

    Flowerchild – It will heal as it will heal, in your time and in your unique way. It may not feel any better, but I do see and feel healing going on from and through the words you write here.

    Please try to be patient with yourself, and very, very gentle. This is a really tough one. Three months is nothing.

    Sending love.

    xxoo



  136.  #136Dominique on July 27, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Emerson – SLV is just fine. I spoke to her the other day.

    xxoo



  137.  #137P-lala on July 27, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Good morning, Sirens! May your day be blessed with surprises, smiles and serenity.

    <3

    I'm going to be CDing myself and spending the day painting, detailing my car and preparing for an Opening Ceremonies dinner with my son's girlfriend…mmm fish and chips!



  138.  #138Radlove on July 27, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Good morning, Sirens! Have the day you want! 🙂 A fantastic one!



  139.  #139Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Memulo believe me you really don’t want to go to ” I am forbidding myself” because it might be too much to resist yourself. What I do is I catch myself and when I do I try to remember the good memories rather than pine and beat myself up. Then I try to laugh at myself for going backwards then touch something to bring me back to the present and to enjoy something in front of me.

    As you commit to making the effort you become more and more aware and realize how unattractive and draining the pining and second guessing and beating up yourself is. Mr. Right is looking for you. It is best to keep your heart open so when he is near you his heart can feel the magnetic energy of his twin soul.



  140.  #140Dancing Siren on July 27, 2012 at 6:46 am

    Hi Sirens,

    I FEEL OK!!!

    In fact, I feel kinda good!

    I went to work this morning, 1 class and 1 client, and then I had some salad for lunch.

    Right now I am chilling out in my bedroom before taking a nice refreshing shower and going to teach one of my favourite students this afternoon, followed by a class.

    Then this evening I am so looking forward to having a relaxing evening. I plan to eat some vegetables with meat on top.

    And tomorrow working again… I have some new clients! 🙂

    Followed by going out with my friend to a Salsa bar in the evening.



  141.  #141Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 6:57 am


  142.  #142Ella on July 27, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Hi Ladies,

    I would really appreciate some feedback.

    I am getting a sign done for my studio room where I do my Pole Fitness, Personal Training, Pilates and more.

    I want to give the place a name…

    My website is redsirens.co.uk and I have thought of

    The Red Siren Dance Studio
    OR do you think it sounds better just to say
    Red Siren Dance Studio

    ??

    Thanks.



  143.  #143Miss Bells on July 27, 2012 at 7:35 am

    125: Linda–I am the one who is gone in every way but physically.
    At the party I have several men that I really like attending, and that is where I will put my energy.
    Today is his Bday–and I will mention it will as much enthusiasm as he mentioned mine. Not one word. He intends to go out–maybe with what’s her name, maybe alone, and leave me with all the prep.
    Sunday morning I will leave for Seattle for 12 days, a writer’s camp. He didn’t hear me when I told him about it weeks ago. I’ll leave a note…



  144.  #144siren song on July 27, 2012 at 8:00 am

    ugh. i feel awful.

    i spoke with guy who loves me yesterday. he says he’s not angry anymore and that he’s moved on (after 2.5 months!) and he cares very much about me and wants me to ‘look him in the eye’ when i see him. he asked me a whole bunch of questions about what i’m up to, what i’ve been doing this summer, and who with.

    i tried to get off the phone right away and told him i feel weird being in contact with him if he’s dating others and he launched into an angry rant about CDing and how i ‘shouldn’t have assumed he wasn’t going to marry me’.

    i feel so confused and frustrated…i wish i had not spoken to him.



  145.  #145siren song on July 27, 2012 at 8:02 am

    also, both my CDs stood me up yesterday.

    i feel very lonely and unsireny and now i miss guy who loves me. i feel back to square one.



  146.  #146Emerson on July 27, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Siren song did he ask to see you? I feel curious if u feel open to start over with him. Sounds like he has feelings for u still



  147.  #147siren song on July 27, 2012 at 8:22 am

    no, he didn’t ask to see me. he said he wants me to talk to him when i see him (we see each other a lot).

    he did ask to see me a couple of weeks ago and i said no because he was screaming at me. and he is seeing other women. i do feel weird speaking to him. he was sending me dozens of emails about how much he loved me until i found out about the other girls and told him i felt weird receiving such messages if he’s dating others.

    he was so unhappy with me by the end…he said i contributed ‘nothing’ to the relationship (that felt awful) and wanted me to be psuedo-wife without marrying me (he wanted all my time, wanted to eat and sleep with me every day, but couldn’t commit). he was verbally abusive and i wouldn’t want to go back there.

    but i did love him deeply and it feels awful to think of him with another woman. i feel so sad. and replaceable. (which is what he said about CDing)



  148.  #148Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 8:24 am

    RockStar

    You change our hair, your clothes, everything so you feel different. You show up whereever and treat him as a friend. You feel what you feel but treat him like and friend and you do this without being false by saying “I am feeling uncomnfortable being around you. I would like to cut this relationship off now and I know I can’t because I also don’t want to leave (whereever) I only want to have a businesslike relationship with you. I still shake whnever I am around you. I would appreiate if you would honor my feelings. And you know what even though I feel all this I am going to take care of myself and taking care of myself right now is not being with you”



  149.  #149siren song on July 27, 2012 at 8:27 am

    FW, i did a good job of getting off the phone with him by saying ‘i feel awkward and shaky and i feel kind of sick’ before hanging up.



  150.  #150siren song on July 27, 2012 at 8:28 am

    thanks for posting this, FW, even if it’s not for me



  151.  #151Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 8:31 am

    It was for you and Ms. Bells siren song. I believe you can use it in some way next time he physically approaches you.



  152.  #152siren song on July 27, 2012 at 8:32 am

    he just emailed me a link to a leonard cohen song. i love leonard cohen. i am totally crying at my desk. i feel so out of control today. i love me



  153.  #153siren song on July 27, 2012 at 8:33 am

    thanks, FW. you rock



  154.  #154Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 8:46 am

    siren song I suspect he is angry for some other reason also aside from cdating. Have you ever asked him?



  155.  #155Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Changing ourselves to thinking more about US is easier if we’re self-involved, narcissistic, uncaring, selfish people. But we’re not. You wouldn’t be here working like this if that was who you are.

    And when we’re a good woman – it’s challenging to tell the difference between being a good, caring human being and being a controlling, overfunctioning, needy human being because giving to someone else, even thinking ABOUT someone else is the best way we learned to survive emotionally.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/will-you-fall-apart/



  156.  #156Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Rori Raye says:
    Sherry – obsession is universal. There are many, many Tools to help you. Here are two: – 1. make a “Channeling List” – at least 20 good things to do – small things – that you enjoy so much you feel totally immersed in them (painting, drawing, cooking, playing with makeup, cleaning out drawers, moving furniture…) and then just do them when you find yourself thinking of him. 2. Gently take yourself back to the present – touch things – be where you are in your BODY instead of your head. Please chime in here with things that help you when you’re obsessing…Love, Rori



  157.  #157Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 8:54 am

    “In all my programs, you’ll find many Tools to
    help you be Present – especially in my Heart
    Connection Toolkit CDs – and I’ll give you a new
    one here I created to help myself when I was
    walking this morning.

    Let’s call it NONSENSE.

    The idea here is to combat your Thinking with
    gibberish, gobbledygook, nonsense syllables and
    sounds.

    It’s like an “interrupt” – where your brain
    doesn’t get to spit out a whole sentence.

    Try it like this:

    Let’s say you’re standing on the street,
    walking, and you’re lost in thought.

    Let’s say you can actually HEAR that voice in
    your head describing something, or figuring
    something out, or asking questions of your man.

    Now – the moment you NOTICE your brain running
    on and on, just start throwing in some
    Nonsense – like “zzzzz,xfy,anamomojrrr” –
    anything that doesn’t require THOUGHT (you’ll see
    if you try it – it’s easy and sort of effortless).

    Within seconds, you’ll feel yourself relax.
    You may smile and get your sense of humor back.

    And in those few seconds, you’ll feel a
    connection with what’s really there – the tree,
    the coffee house chair, the wrapper on the
    sidewalk, the face of the person walking toward
    you….

    Now – try it with a man!

    If you’re having dinner with him, and you’re
    feeling flooded with thoughts – start the
    nonsense going.

    You might laugh.

    Just a few seconds here and there will help
    you tremendously.

    Once you’ve experienced the suspension of your
    thought in the midst of all the nonsense sounds –
    you’ll love that feeling.

    You can see how Circular Dating makes this
    work so well and easily: The more men you come in
    contact with, the more opportunities you have to
    practice Nonsense with, and the more men you’ll
    start automatically CONNECTING with, and so
    you’ll have SO MANY men to CHOOSE from!

    I know it sounds fanciful if you’ve never
    experienced this – but I KNOW – from my own life
    and the success of my clients and all the stories
    you send me – this WORKS!”



  158.  #158Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 8:56 am

    “I’m feeling sad. I want a real relationship and this doesn’t feel quite like that. What do you think?”



  159.  #159Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Soignee –please don’t back off of Listening at Level 2 – This is a feminine thing. What you’ve been doing in the past is listening, leaning in, offering advice – “being there” for a man in a very different way from leaning back in your chair, focusing your attention on him and his words, staying with him, just being there in your chair, and nodding your head or saying things like “bummer…” “oooh…” “wow…” “that feels crappy…” “that would feel good…” Do you see the difference? Good luck – try this out… Love, Rori



  160.  #160Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Rori Raye says:
    Rachel – how about …”Thank you for asking…things feel crazy (or however they’re feeling) – and it feels good to hear from you. I’m a bit burned out on email, it feels good to hear your lovely man voice…Rachel”



  161.  #161siren song on July 27, 2012 at 9:00 am

    he said when we broke up he was angry at himself because he’d hurt me (he cheated on me early in the relationship, before rori and the tools and before i was more independent).



  162.  #162Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Tina, Welcome, and have you ever talked with him about this? Asked him what happened? Why you’re not together anymore and why he’s dating? He didn’t move on because you moved on – but if you need to know, then ask. You’re letting him be in control here. Share how much you miss him, and that you’re not sure what to do, where things are at for you both. But you can’t bring this up until you feel solid inside, know what you want and are in touch with your feelings. Then -consider talking with him…Love, Rori



  163.  #163Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 9:03 am

    siren song this sounds a bit like LiliBee’s story. Every time he sees you I imagine he hates himself more. I wonder if anyone else has been able to turn around and heal a similar relationship?



  164.  #164siren song on July 27, 2012 at 9:07 am

    yeah, he sent me an email that said something like ‘i am angry at myself for hurting you and i can’t forgive myself. i tried to make it up to you. i need some peace and quiet and a stress-free life now. i don’t understand how you can say you love me and want to marry me but you want to date other guys. i have been kidding myself that it doesn’t tear me apart’



  165.  #165ReceivingGirl on July 27, 2012 at 9:07 am

    (((Memulo)))

    He has experienced a HUGE blow and people deal with these things differently. He seems to be retreating and going within himself. Allow him to do that. He probably has a lot of thoughts going through his head, he’s probably very sad and he probably doesn’t want you to see him at his low point. He will contact you when he is ready to come out into the sunshine. For now, focus on taking care of you. You can still let him know you are there…maybe periodically just send, “I was just thinking about you.” or something.



  166.  #166siren song on July 27, 2012 at 9:09 am

    also, at the time of our breakup he had been hospitalised (almost lost his arm) and was almost fired from his job. it was a crazy time.



  167.  #167Starla on July 27, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Hello:)
    I am figuring out more about my intuition
    I realized what I was “missing” about my visions I was receiving. It was that I was taking them TOO literally. So let’s say I keep getting the vision that my next serious relationship guy is going to die (i do get that in my visions) — that doesn’t mean he’s going to die. It just means that there will be death somehow in the picture in a strong way.



  168.  #168ReceivingGirl on July 27, 2012 at 9:12 am

    @162 siren song

    I feel curious by what he said. Maybe he can’t forgive himself because he feels you haven’t forgiven him? Maybe CD-ing is telling him that you don’t trust he won’t cheat again, so you aren’t going to give him all of you. What do you think?



  169.  #169siren song on July 27, 2012 at 9:18 am

    funny RG, he said ‘you won’t give yourself over to me’.

    i likely was holding back something because i didn’t trust him. at the same time, i did feel anxious and weird because he’d bring up marriage and kids and then never follow through. i felt really stuck. CDing really helped me take control of my own life.

    these posts have been soooo helpful.



  170.  #170Starla on July 27, 2012 at 9:20 am

    siren song,
    i think your gut and hesitations have been wonderful to you.
    the man has an anger management issue
    it’s one thing to say he’s angry and doesn’t like something, but it’s another to scream, yell, cuss you out, call you names, badger you, email repeatedly, etc.
    eff that, sweetie.



  171.  #171siren song on July 27, 2012 at 9:23 am

    yes starla, his anger was a real problem. i felt like i was wilting when i was with him, especially at the end.

    i think he was sent as a do-over so i could learn to stand up for myself and not take stuff like this personally. my dad was angry something bad.



  172.  #172T-Girl on July 27, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Flowerchild,

    Are you a member of a church? I didn’t go through it, but I know they have a “Grief Share” program at my church which I understand is pretty wonderful.



  173.  #173ReceivingGirl on July 27, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Siren song

    He may have brought those things up to test the waters, but didn’t follow through because he didn’t feel your forgiveness and trust. I also agree with Starla, he shouldn’t be treating you that way.

    He may also be confused as to why it’s ok for you to CD, but not okay with you for him to date.

    Do you want to get back with him or no?



  174.  #174Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 9:27 am

    RE 162 siren song – I feel his honesty here. You can say eff that, but he has a point. I can understand why he would think that way but you are you and you think differently. That does not mean it would take away anything from you for validating his thinking or feeling. Looking at this situation might help you in the future. Mr. Right will get angry at times and might want to express it.



  175.  #175NEW SIREN on July 27, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Hi sirens,

    I am feeling a little down today but trying to keep my energy up:)

    Any ideas how I can be more possitive when I am feeling down and blue and obsessive?

    Thanks<3



  176.  #176Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 9:30 am

    NEW SIREN read 154 above.



  177.  #177Sarah on July 27, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Hey Guys! I accidently deleted my Rori Raye email newsletter for today, July 27 2012, could someone forward it to me or show me where you can find it online?



  178.  #178Starla on July 27, 2012 at 9:32 am

    mr right will express his anger without abusing you. period.



  179.  #179Starla on July 27, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Once or twice or even three times, maybe i can give someone a pass. we’re all human and our tempers flare.

    but when i tell someone “this is freaking me out.” “you can’t talk to me like this” and i WALK AWAY repeatedly saying it’s not okay, and they just insist like a bulldozer… that’s nuts. no matter how enlightened you wanna be about it (and that enlightenment should benefit your own inner landscape first, not to be “good” to HIM), it’s just not cool, man. not cool, man.



  180.  #180NEW SIREN on July 27, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Thank FW, that is just what I needed, some tools:)



  181.  #181siren song on July 27, 2012 at 9:56 am

    FW and RG: he was being honest. and i do want to hear his anger. and i feel very open to hearing it.

    but the way he expressed it was not ok. he raged at me (in public and at home) and didn’t respect my boundaries when i removed myself from the situation when it got to be too scary. more than once he followed me home or waited for me outside my house to yell at me about how i wasn’t meeting his needs (not calling enough, for example, or not telling him what my plans for the evening were when he hadn’t asked me out).

    i don’t know what i want with him. i guess i wish he was different. i know i have to love him as-is. he didn’t act like this when i fell in love with him. i don’t get the feeling he’s looking to get back together either way. i think he’s now busy dating others and is just missing me.

    i just feel really thrown off track by that phone call and the email.



  182.  #182Miss Bells on July 27, 2012 at 9:58 am

    I went to get the last ingredients that I needed, the things I should have had last night if he hadn’t spent the afternoon f**8ing around with what’s her face.
    I was leaving in his car. He came up and asked me if there was anything wrong–I said “nothing”. Then he asked if I were mad at him–what does he care anyhow???
    I said no– I just need to get my stuff done.”
    I just don’t want to have that conversation right now.
    She won’t be joining him this evening–I know that. And he is making NICE NICE with me.
    When he does his flirting thing with me what do I say to him?
    I think maybe “are you flirting with me? Cause it feels like you are flirting with me.” and then my speech about how I have been deeply in love with him for a very long time, but now–I don’t know how I feel. Possibly just numb”



  183.  #183Tam on July 27, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Hi Sirens.
    I feel flat, and believe MrU has found someone, he is no longer active on the dating website or indeed has come online to chat or initiated contact in any other way. I remember when we first started dating it was the same pattern, he was very much into me…
    In some ways it would help me to imagine him with someone else..even if it is not true. But I suspect it is..he became much more open to dating and I can’t expect him not to.
    The guy who is leading my employment seminar group has been very sweet to me (he is a very manly man, and a bit harsh)…he always makes a point of sitting next to me when he stops the discussion and ‘helping’ the person next to me. Today we talked about the system in our country and school and the problems we had in school – and I said I was too quiet..and he said to my face ‘so you were shy???’ I guess seeing me now (the front, talkative and bubbly), he was surprised but then he seemed to understand everything..guess he has a psychological qualification for sure and he realised I am all front and defensive. So I said ‘yes, I was shy’. Big admittance for me….
    I like him now. I think he will ask me out at some point. Well, I don’t know, but he kept telling everyone where he was going tonight…and he always makes sure he says good bye to me too..and there are lots of people..I almost expected him to ask today to come for a drink…
    Anyhow, I might be making it up, we will see. I am leaning right back, well it comes natural to me – happy to always meet nice men.
    Even if my life is pretty uneventful now.



  184.  #184Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 10:26 am

    RE 178 – siren song if that is authentic have you asked yourself why is it that when he contacts you it throws you so off kilter? If he was so abusive why then his presence causes you to be “totally crying at my desk”? Is it that you are addicted to drama or believe that there needs to be some kind of drama to feel loved? I would really explore that if I were you to see what it is about myself that causes me to have this reaction to him and still think of him as “guy who loves me?” Is it that you unconsciously want him back? What is it about him that you find attractive?



  185.  #185Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Miss Bells your words suggest that you were angry with him. If so was your response authentic?



  186.  #186Starla on July 27, 2012 at 10:38 am

    tam
    forgive me, because i’m going to “tell you what to do”

    stop checking up on him on the dating site;)



  187.  #187Tam on July 27, 2012 at 10:44 am

    I know, Starla, I know 😉
    I secretly enjoy it though..and he does always pop up in my searches, so I can’t help it – his profile is just like mine in male form basically…so hmmm…how to get around that….not sure.
    but yes. Actually though, strangely it helps me a lot to imagine he is in love with someone else. That’s how I managed to move on before…
    😉



  188.  #188Jilly on July 27, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Well…Rugby Man is buying a house…and we have talked about moving in together…I feel really good about this 🙂 Actually I feel really excited and happy! It will be in October and then in November we have a trip planned for Cabo…I’ve never been..I feel excited to see some green blue water and lay on the beach!!

    Emerson…I feel happy that post gave you hope…I see evidence everywhere of people finding their best friend/soulmate.

    Something I started doing was every time I saw a happy couple I took it to mean my real relationship was on it’s way. Rori talks about this in the heart connection tool kit…

    Also…I have a new weight loss program starting August 1st 🙂 You can click on my name or click here
    http://www.easyloaweightloss.com to check it out. I feel really excited about it and want to shout about it from the roof tops!! 🙂



  189.  #189Rori Raye on July 27, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Esta – there’s a lot here on this blog, in my newsletters and especially in my ebook Have The Relationship You Want (it’s over on the right in the sidebar, just click) that will give you the Tools to turn this all around for yourself.

    Right now you’re down in the pit, and you need some information and Tools to pull yourself up high enough to see more of the whole picture, and how you can change things for you.

    Opening up your heart is a scary thing for most of us, and we need to have certain strengths inside us to balance that off…and we need to be willing to experiment and learn and grow and change – even without the assurance that it’s ALWAYS going to work out the way we want. Love, Rori



  190.  #190Starla on July 27, 2012 at 10:52 am

    I love it. whenever I think to myself “i need more money,” an organization approaches me to do work for my side business:)



  191.  #191Miss Bells on July 27, 2012 at 11:05 am

    183:
    that is what I am trying to get to. Yes-I have RAGE!! But in this case, sharing it with him may not be the thing.
    In the past I have been afraid of him–his distance, his reactions, the rubber band.
    Now I’m not like that anymore. He is just a man-puts his pants on one leg at a time.
    But–the truth is I am still in love and he has stopped sleeping with me and is chasing what’s her face. At least for now.
    So–the script has to be a good one. And I need to call him on his s**t as he does it, in the moment.
    This is a very hard thing–I really can’t move immediately. And this situation is clearly emotional dynamite.
    I choose to stand in my Goddess Self-moment by moment. I am getting a car. I am taking the train to Seattle for a week. I will change my hair, my clothes, my habits.
    I will furnish my world with opulence.
    and we shall see…
    It’s his birthday and he is spending it with me, getting ready for the party.
    I didn’t acknowledge his day, but I let him lick the bowl of the home made blackberry ice-cream with berries from our own bramble.
    I am making a big sheet cake, and he asked me why in his disparaging voice.
    I am sure he thinks it is for him–for his birthday.
    I told him it is because we have 100+ guests coming and sheet cake is the least expensive fancy dessert I can make. From scratch.
    I would like to say to him that I feel so sad-that if things were different it WOULD be his birthday cake.



  192.  #192Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 11:18 am

    1. Rori Raye says:
    Ivey – The reason you’re walking away is to get yourself into a self-loving place. Where you can get to your feelings, sink down, put some words together into a ‘script” if you need to….instead of pushing out towards him as usual. Once you learn to say things like “wow, I feel all off balance…can you help me understand this, what’s going on, I’m feeling angry and upset and triggered, would you like to talk about what just happened (or what happened yesterday)?” Or simply…”I’m feeling triggered and riled up, and I’m going to go read a book now and settle down….” Things will change. AND when he “accuses” you of being dramatic and ignoring him – that’s the perfect opening for a heart-to-heart, once you learn how to get bold and do it! Love, Rori

    He’s angry because he feels guilty and bad about himself – and there’s NOTHING you can do to make that better, except to stop pointing the finger at him. When things settle down, after you’ve given him some space, where you can talk things out without blaming or finger-pointing, and come up with a financial plan – that’s what you do. The relationship has to fall into place from there. Love, Rori



  193.  #193Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Hi Esta. Maybe stop pushing for anything from him. Just keep practicing speaking about your feelins when he comes toward you. The old articles will help you if you read around the blog.



  194.  #194Jilly on July 27, 2012 at 11:24 am

    So at school the other night I was listening to one of the women talk about her boyfriend and how things are so different than they used to be…

    She said she does EVERYTHING, she’s the one who makes time for him, she’s the one who makes the plans, and makes sure they spend time together…and she keeps threatening that she’s just going to stop…and then he’ll see…..oh jeez…

    Ummm….Ya!!!!!! Stop!!! … already 🙂



  195.  #195Shar lean way back on July 27, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Leigh, what you can’t make the calls at the specified times?



  196.  #196Shar lean way back on July 27, 2012 at 11:30 am

    oops sorry leigh I read it to fast! I see now you can catch them later.



  197.  #197ReceivingGirl on July 27, 2012 at 11:31 am

    I received an email from MilitaryGuy. The email was informing me of a break in to his neighbors car and how things were stolen. He lives down the street from me. I feel curious as to why he contacted me, as we have not spoken for over 1 year (his choice) and there have been other neighborhood incidents, which he did not contact me about. And, I was the only person on the email, so it wasn’t a mass email to neighbors. It just doesn’t really make sense to me.



  198.  #198Jilly on July 27, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Shar … 🙂



  199.  #199Jilly on July 27, 2012 at 11:39 am

    ReceivingGirl…sometimes it seems as though they just like to put the feelers out there…ya know?



  200.  #200Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Jilly just yesterday my brother was talking to me about his wife. She has been threatening to leave and he was saying he asked her “why don’t you leave”. I tried to tell him that she is not feeling loved and must have a lot of resentment built up over the years also. He is looking at it from a logical kinda matter-of-fact standpoint. You say you are going to leave so what are you still doing her kinda thing. He has his rational because she has chosen to sleep downstairs now. I feel for her because I know she must be regretting some choices she made in her life but I can also kinda see from his point of view.

    It was like “if you are so miserable why keep torturing yourself”. Which is the reason I believe it is counter-intuitive to tell a man that you are leaving if you really want the relationship and to stay. Like fighting when it is harmony you want.



  201.  #201Tam on July 27, 2012 at 11:46 am

    I agree FW, it’s like a threat and doesn’t achieve anything. Honest communication is what’s needed….



  202.  #202T-Girl on July 27, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Jilly, I’m so excited for you with the moving in and the romantic vacation! So much growth I have seen in you since I’ve been here. In fact, I feel the growth too 🙂

    I was just telling my coworker about this site yesterday who is having troubles in her marriage. I hope she comes over here. She is one of those that always needs to be right so she will fight for being right.



  203.  #203FlowerChild77 on July 27, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Thank you all (((((Turquoise; Miss Bells; Jilly; Ruth; Emerson; Dancing Siren; Dominique, and TGirl)))))

    Jilly, sharing the story about your aunt was very kind. It was inspiring. I do wonder to myself, at times, if meeting someone else might be a good thing and really help me move forward. No one has actually suggested it to me until now. Thank you.

    I do know that three months is not a very long time and that healing takes time. It’s just hard.

    I go to church regularly and everyone has been very kind. I called around everywhere looking for a grief support group soon after he died (churches and agencies.) They all told me the same thing…that the group(s) had just ended for the summer.

    I find it strange that, somehow, it was decided that no one needs that kind of help/support because it’s summer. I’m on a list and they will call when there is a group.

    I’m trying to keep myself busy and remind myself that I will feel better and that I won’t have to be all alone forever just because I can’t be with him.

    I’m so thankful for all of you and I feel your kindness and caring. <3



  204.  #204Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 11:53 am

    T-Girl I shared a lot of information with my sister-in-law but both her and brother are so stuck in their impression/perception/point of view that both seem to believe it is pointless to even try. Yet both “want the relationship”. If nothing else I feel so grateful for the awareness that being on this site has brought me.



  205.  #205T-Girl on July 27, 2012 at 11:57 am

    I am so greatful for the awareness I have of being a siren. Last night in bed I noticed that my moods were being effected by J’s moods or actions. That is the first sign to me that I am not taking care of myself. I love this new awareness in me.

    So today, I pampered myself and got a facial. And I feel so alive and full of love. I can’t wait for the weekend.



  206.  #206T-Girl on July 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    204 FW, yes I believe that is the exact same spot my friend is in too. She was expecting an argument when she went home the other night so I told her the Rori way of speaking in feeling messages rather than accusing. Well, she told me she used feeling messages like “I feel so beat up by you when you…” She didn’t get it. I stressed to her over and over to get Rori’s e-book and keep an open mind when she reads it. I hope she does.



  207.  #207Annie on July 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    “ReceivingGirlNo says:

    (((Memulo)))

    He has experienced a HUGE blow and people deal with these things differently. He seems to be retreating and going within himself. Allow him to do that. He probably has a lot of thoughts going through his head, he’s probably very sad and he probably doesn’t want you to see him at his low point. He will contact you when he is ready to come out into the sunshine. For now, focus on taking care of you. You can still let him know you are there…maybe periodically just send, “I was just thinking about you.” or something.”

    I feel in agreement with focus on taking care of yourself as Rori would advise.

    I feel triggered by the analyzing and the suggestion to lean forward and contact him, to say “I was just thinking about you.” All Roris advice would be to STOP thinking about him and focus on ourselves think about ourselves.

    Memulo, Do you want a man who is contacting other women on dating sites? Do you want to wait around for a man and thinking about a man who is Still married has all this drama and is contacting other women o dating sites.

    Do you think this is a great man for you?

    Is that what you want?



  208.  #208Annie on July 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Yayyy to go Dancing Siren you Rock!

    I remember reading Pamela Stephenson walked away from Billy Connelly because of his alcohol addiction and he stepped up.



  209.  #209Jilly on July 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    ((((FW))))), (((((T-Girl))) yes…the growth is amazing..and the awareness…

    I know, I too feel sooooooooo grateful to live my life with this “knowing”. I tell so many people about this site…it’s a life changer for sure!!! I want to give everyone the chance to have an amazing relationship…I almost feel magical…as though I live in a parallel universe…because I “know” things…like…leaning back lol and not rowing the boat, and feeling messages and my ‘vibe’ and I am the yummy pie…yum!!

    Rugby Man knows I’m on a blog, and our agreement is that if he comes across it all, all that I ask is that he tell me. I told him I don’t have any secrets but that I would feel really appreciative if he told me. 🙂 I feel so happy and safe with this arrangement.



  210.  #210Jilly on July 27, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Starla…that is awesome about the money thing 🙂 I too see evidence of the universe helping me out with things I desire…wahoo!!



  211.  #211Jilly on July 27, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    So I was giving one of Rugby Man’s friends (who’s a woman) some online dating advice…

    like..#1…keep the first date under an hour…that was a big one for me…

    then later on he told me I broke my rule with him lol

    then he wanted to know what my other rules were lol…he’s so cute!! I didn’t divulge my list…lol



  212.  #212Starla on July 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Hooray Jilly!
    Yeah, i got two contracts out of it. hehehe easy peazy work too. $$$$$$$$$ loves me



  213.  #213Miss Bells on July 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    What I want to say is this: “it feels so sad to me that I can’t even celebrate your birthday with you.”

    It has come to me that he hasn’t felt my admiration or love. But he has had a habit of deflecting anything positive I say.
    “I’ll miss you when you go camping”
    Him–“Oh Suuuuuuure you will.”
    Me: You were palying really well tinight”
    Him: “I’m not very good”
    I know what’s her face is a real builder-upper verbally. I don’t even know for sure there is a s*x thing happening there. But–the message of hers I heard was sweeter than a bucket of maple syrup.
    She is not invited to the party and didn’t even ask why.
    I want to say “Every time you have switched off on me in the last five years I have felt so crushed. The last time the worst. So crushed that I haven’t been able to share my feelings at times. We were very good together for a long time–and I was deeply in love with you–but now–I don’t know…”



  214.  #214Dancing Siren on July 27, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Wow, what a day.

    S has been texting me throughout the day. Starting this morning with saying he is in a mess. He said he is a disgrace and he looked in the mirror and doesn’t like what he sees.

    He said he needs to change his life, and not just the changes he has made, but a complete overhaul. He says that he doesn’t want to be ill again and what he is doing is causing more damage than he thought.

    He said sorry a lot, and he thanked me quite a bit which felt kinda weird actually. Not sure what he is thanking me for!

    He said he realises that he has to change his whole life to a sober existence, because trying to control it isn’t working.

    He said that he realises he would/will have to accept total abstinence.

    He said he needs to sort it out in his head more…

    He said he loves me (he said that quite a lot) and he asked me please not to start dating anyone else. He said he wants to prove to me and himself that he is a good person.

    I said I think he is a good person, and that he has an addiction.

    I listened and used FMs…

    I said I felt uncomfortable about promising not to date anyone else and that I needed time to think as I was feeling muddled. I said I would get back to him.

    He said that he IS an addict.

    I feel slightly overwhelmed and confused with it all in some ways.

    This has all happened so quickly and I don’t know what to think or how I feel.

    My first instincts on it are to tell him that I am not going to promise not to date other people, however I am willing to stay open to him, and the possibility of dating him in the future IF I feel comfortable to do so.

    I feel like I made a stand, and said I wouldn’t live like this… so to agree to not date other people would be going back on this, and putting my life on hold.

    Is this how other Sirens see it?

    And I also feel a bit worried about saying that, when he is obviously in quite a delicate frame of mind.

    Sirens any help greatly appreciated.

    Thanks.



  215.  #215Starla on July 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    “I don’t want to be exclusive with a man unless i feel 100% safe and comfortable, which is going to take some time.”



  216.  #216Starla on July 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    “I do have feelings for you and feel really sad about the idea of just shutting you out completely, so i do feel open to keeping the door open. i just don’t want to be exclusive with a man unless i feel 100% safe and comfortable, and that will take some time at this point.”

    stick to your gunsssss



  217.  #217Starla on July 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    and it’s totally normal for him to freak out and not want you to date other men (even though he has not earned your exclusivity). basically, all men do this.



  218.  #218Tam on July 27, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    To be honest, I would not rub dating other men in his face. Does he need to know? Not really, right? He has a lot to deal with already. This doesn’t mean you can’t do what you want, and of course you should date and meet people etc. Goes without saying that you come first.
    But if it was me I would not announce it, and just keep it to myself and maybe when he asks you specifically have a script available…and of course tell him the truth.
    Sounds like the guy has enough to deal with and doesn’t need to imagine ‘his girl’ with another guy on top of it all.
    Just my 2 cents.



  219.  #219Starla on July 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    tam, it seems like him begging her not to date other men is him asking her specifically about the topic?



  220.  #220Jilly on July 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Dancing Siren…

    I’m with Starla on this…

    Just because you have been here before 🙁 This is not a new scenario…I felt happy reading you were taking care of you …

    Can you see him as a STRONG man…instead of in a delicate situation?? I believe this will change everything..



  221.  #221Jilly on July 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Like…

    Babe, Wow, I feel so happy and relieved to hear you want to be healthy. I totally support you and know you can do this!! In the meantime, I need to take of me too…I know you are a STRONG man and will do whatever it takes to get better.



  222.  #222Starla on July 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    i like jilly’s positive framing



  223.  #223Miss Bells on July 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I almost have the whole script.
    But–there is a question of timing.
    I did thank him for doing all the work on the party with me. I know expressing how disappointed I am when she is slobbering all over him is probably a bad idea.
    I just feel that I have to wait for the right moment for the my main message.
    I may tell him I feel sad about the b’day thing. He absolutely ruined my bday 10 days ago, then made a big deal that I should do NOTHING for his bday.
    Not he wants back in my good books-but I have nothing for him on the bday issue.
    I may have to wait till he switches back on with me-which I feel confident will happen what’s her face not with-standing.
    I want to get rid of her so I can either heal or leave this relationship with him in a clean way. I wonder if that can happen with the shadow of a third party in the picture.



  224.  #224Tam on July 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    219 – Starla, I don’t agree. There is a difference between:
    -are you dating other men?
    and
    -I wish you weren’t dating other men/please don’t date other men.

    The first is a question demanding an answer, the second is a statement that does not necessarily demand an answer. Just my opinion.



  225.  #225Dancing Siren on July 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Tam,

    Yeah, I hear you, the only thing is he specifically asked me if I would not date others, and I feel like I need to answer that.

    It feels hard enough… without the guilt feeling if I am not open and transparent with my intentions.

    Plus I like what Jilly said, about seeing him as a strong man, rather than a delicate situation, which feels very much like mothering at best, maybe overfunctioning a bit and enabling at worst.

    I have read time and again to let the person feel the consequences of their actions.

    I am not trying to be mean, or affect him either way, *I* just need to feel like I have stated my intentions clearly and transparetnly, and stick to them.

    I won’t rub it in his face.

    I need to feel free. To move on. And for things to be clear.

    Anyway I have said it now.

    Sorta of a combination of what I said and what Starla suggested.

    Basically that I cannot promise not to date other people at this time and that I need for this relationship, as it currently is, to end, and that I still have feelings for him and I still feel open to him, and the possibility of us dating IF I felt comfortable with that, in the future. I said it feels important for us both to have space to breath and decide what we really want from each of our lives.

    He text me back and said Ok, he understands, he loves me and that he knows what he has to do now. He also knows I will know when it feels right…

    Hmmm.

    This is hard.

    Even though I have just re-iterated to him that I am walking away for now, I feel all invested again!

    GRRRRRRRR!

    I have become all caught up again.

    I am going to need to re-focus on me AGAIN.

    And also I need to get my head straight around actually riding forward on my horse, rather than allowing my heart to get caught up here hoping that he is able to make good his word and step up….

    How can I do this?

    I do know.

    Babysteps.

    Maybe take a bath first.

    That could feel good.



  226.  #226Tam on July 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    221. Jilly, I like that too.



  227.  #227Tam on July 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Goldensiren, I understand and I believe you have a right to say it. The dating other men is your prerogative, especially if you don’t see a future with this one – and you want to take care of yourself.

    Perhaps I am biased because the last time I said that phrase about dating other men, I think subliminally I used it as a ‘threat’ rather than a statement and it just totally backfired because the guy just didn’t trust me anymore after that (a sensitive person with his own issues). So I wished I hadn’t said anything about that and just carried on with my sweet life instead and see what happens.
    Me stating that came out of me wanting an outcome, wanting him to change…but your case is quite different.
    The main thing is being authentic, nothing can go wrong, because you are being authentic for yourself first and foremost, the rest will fall together – with him or without..



  228.  #228Tam on July 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    227 is for dancing siren..oops..I think you are worth gold girl 😉



  229.  #229Annie on July 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Dancing Siren, I feel in total agreement with Starla.



  230.  #230Dancing Siren on July 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Ok,

    Jilly, I also added my version of your upbeat message, cus it felt good to do so.

    Ok, now I need to detach again.

    Really.

    I have said all that needs to be said.

    I have listened.

    I have stuck to my guns.

    I have been fair but true to me.

    Now, I WANT and NEED to turn my attention away from this and back on to me.

    I feel tired and I need to get into my girl, and allow my boy to take care of me.

    Thanks so much for the help ladies.

    xoxox



  231.  #231Jasmine on July 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Hello Ladies!!

    I feel so happy today, I don’t know why. I just had my favorite food and a great talk with a friend of mine, and I’m just chilling at home now, figuring out what to do later.

    Life’s good 🙂



  232.  #232Jasmine on July 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    My nails are sooo long!! They even look fake haha. I’m about to do them. I’ll proly use some weird combination of nail polish lol. I feel like a goddess.

    Let’s see what’s on tv.



  233.  #233Radlove on July 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Ella,

    142 – I vote for:

    Red Siren Dance Studio



  234.  #234FlowerChild77 on July 27, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    I agree! (Red Siren Dance Studio) 🙂



  235.  #235FlowerChild77 on July 27, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    It feels so lonely…I hate Friday nights. I picture everyone out (together with their ‘someone’) doing something fun.

    I know it’s probably childish of me…but that’s how I’m feeling right now :-/



  236.  #236Dominique on July 27, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Nope sweetheart, you are not alone. I’m here at home IM’ing with a former commenter here. You talk to me if you like.

    xxoo



  237.  #237bloom-ing on July 27, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    hi, dominique : )

    i wanted to email you earlier, but now i’m feeling… secretive ? & also a bit Self-Reliant : ) so… instead, can you just send me some amazing psychic energy ?

    i don’t have “problems” – just “mysteries”…

    i’m surrendering : )

    love you. thank you.



  238.  #238bloom-ing on July 27, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    (((((Flowerchild))))) i’m just watching the news : ) i like pbs news hour with gwen ifill : )))



  239.  #239bloom-ing on July 27, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    ella-la-la-la, baby GURRRRRRLLLLL…… UM you’re amazing & the sign sounds incredible & reading the name “red siren dance studio” makes me feel tear-y. love you…. can you believe it ???? sounds amazing to me. congratulations!



  240.  #240FlowerChild77 on July 27, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    Oh, thank you (((Dominique and bloom-ing))) Just knowing I’ve been heard and that you care makes me feel better.

    I did some meditating and will be getting ready for bed soon. It’s so confusing. My moods come and go. Sometimes the sadness just takes over and I can’t control it. I’m learning that it’s best to just ‘let it happen’ and not try to stuff it back in.

    Thank you for your kindness…I don’t know what I’d do without this safe and loving place to come <3



  241.  #241Linda on July 27, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Flowerchild77… I am here too. Just been chillin at home tonight. I spent the whole evening after I got home from work going thru clothes in the attic, hoping to find some summer things to wear since I have been loosing weight. Sadly I didnt find anything, but… It lead to sorting and packing things away that I want to keep and loading things I wont be needing or want anymore in the car so they can be given to a charity tomorrow.

    Taking care of me and my stuff. Investing my energy in me. I was sad for sooo long that now being free from it feels peaceful. It feels good to not feel sad anymore.

    I feel put off with men and the drama that comes with them. I have been reading the posts out here and feel impatient and unempathetic too. I mean what has come over me… I am usually not that way. hmmmm

    Not everyone is out with a someone I dated myself tonight. (winks)….



  242.  #242Radlove on July 27, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    My own personal “Darn That Auto Correct!” after R started texting me tonight:

    B: I didn’t have time to swim today. 🙁 I don’t have the guys to go after dark.

    R: Huh?

    B: LOL, guys = guts

    R: Oh, haha

    I almost got meself in deep water with that one! LOL! 😆



  243.  #243bloom-ing on July 27, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    good night, flowerchild : ) idk what i’d do either ((((humans)))) i will say that today i was out …… & for some magical extraordinary reason…. small children were waving to me from all over : ) it was so funny : )))) but all the little girls were totally digging my vibe today & waving to me from literally across bodies of water. felt so loved & i want to pass it on to you : )

    i felt like a sparkly princess : )



  244.  #244Linda on July 27, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    I have shed many tears driving home from work on a Friday because I had nothing to look forward to, and no one to spend time with. I really hated the week ends actually……

    But lately I have not been crying.. just driving. That is a huge sign of healing in me.



  245.  #245Radlove on July 27, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Turquoise, Ella, Dominique, Sweetpea, and others…

    I think it is SO COOL how some of us are developing our P.O.P.s (Purposes On the Planet)!! This is all an outcropping of working Rori’s tools! We find that it really is about us, not about the man!

    I want so much to develop my own business. It is so true that when we are about our own lives, men come onto OUR bridges and want to be a part of our dynamic, amazing lives.

    Here’s to us Sirens becoming more and more amazing!

    (((Sirens)))



  246.  #246Radlove on July 27, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Linda,

    244 – Yay for you! 🙂



  247.  #247Femininewoman on July 27, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    A dating Lesson from Sir Lancelot: A method for winning hearts

    From:

    James Bauer

    Here’s the lesson. When you allow yourself to truly desire a man, your fear will rise to match the level of desire you feel. Think about that. The more you want something, the more you become afraid of losing it. It’s unfortunate but true that men can sense a woman’s fear, often mentally interpreting it as a clingy neediness or trap.

    Men value freedom above all else. It’s one of the things that make men act differently than women. They like to feel in control of their world. They don’t like to answer to anyone.

    When you approach a man you desire, you must strive to bring a special kind of fearless passion. While pouring your heart and life into every interaction, you must not care whether the relationship lives or dies. Do this and you will become intoxicating to him.

    He will sense it when you achieve this. No, that’s wrong. Sensing something is like a tingling awareness. His experience will be more like the first breath of oxygen after holding his breath underwater for two minutes. It will be profoundly different from the smothering fear he has experienced as he contemplates dating other women.



  248.  #248P-lala on July 27, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    FW,

    Thank you so much for sharing that! I can sense myself getting more and more fearful as I get closer to K. Yes, I think he can sense it…though he isn’t retreating. However, fearless passion is my goal. Uhhuh, I can do it because I am a siren!



  249.  #249Miss Bells on July 27, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    I am sitting here alone.
    HS went off to a concert, leaving me to cook for the party. OW might show up there. Some of OUR friends will be there. I feel awful.
    The cooking is done for the party except for the apple crisp.
    I hate him right now. I know that will change, but right now….



  250.  #250Miss Bells on July 27, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    On Sunday-I am taking the train to Seattle.
    When I get back-I am going to see my friend and her son will help me by a used Mercedes. The car I want but HS practically forbade it.
    It is none of his business.



  251.  #251siren song on July 27, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    just found out some very crazy info about the guy i was most recently involved with…turns out he has a secret hard dr*g problem i didn’t know about (i knew he’d had had an alcohol problem before) and almost died a couple of months before we split because of it (this is about the time he started being crazy and screaming and raging at me).

    i feel totally shellshocked.

    i spent almost every night with him. i never saw anything. was i blind?

    wow. i feel totally sad and gross and pi**sed off! i hate addiction. this is the second guy! what is that about??

    (guy) (me)

    weird how all of this is coming together for me today.



  252.  #252siren song on July 27, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    it makes me sick to think he kept this from me. almost dying. i feel awful he was alone and never told me and mad that he would do that to himself.



  253.  #253siren song on July 27, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    i heard from him the next day and he seemed ok. we were in different cities for xmas. i remember he texted me and seemed fine. i sent him photos of my dog on my cell and he said ‘she’s cute’. i feel so sad,



  254.  #254P-lala on July 27, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    ((((siren song)))
    ((((flower child))))



  255.  #255Radlove on July 27, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    FW,

    I used a variation of what you posted from Rori when I was texting R tonight. We had texted really nicely in the afternoon, and then he started it up again around 9 pm. I mean, maybe he was just texted out, but he stopped after I texted this:

    It feels good to see your lovely man face and hear your voice.

    He said “Thanks” and that’s it. But at least it was most positive, and that felt good. I didn’t take it to a negative nor needy place.



  256.  #256R.N.AmazingMe on July 27, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    @255 hey long time….I read your posts all the time and am here just absorbing these experiences. I know before we talked about kind of going through the same wierd experience with your “R” and my “hmmm”.. I can tell you I am shocked you still speak with R. I thought you were done at one point, though I know we all just vent here. I am really asking out of curiosity, Is it love? What is it that makes you want him in your life? I am curious to know to understand many thing if you don’t mind sharing. Good to talk to Siren Island again!



  257.  #257R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 12:26 am

    So I care about my children, my family, people but I do not trust “people.” I take what they say with a grain of salt, like before I let it all affect me so much.Now I am not pleasing everyone else before myself. It’s like all or nothing with me no in between. Like ok before I cared about everyone being happy and now I am like whatever I am not responsible for anyone’s happiness. I am not so tempted to do for anyone, like why should I and what has that gotten me in my life. Overfunctioning and trying too hard to please that I had no idea what I wanted. What does AmazingMe want in life? Well I am living it and always a work in progress. I am happy with my career and that is getting better with everyday. My kids are right where they need to be raised here in the tribe. My focus is making life better for all of us. I am happy and more relaxed with every choice I make. No more stress or drama wether I thrived on it or it also found its way to me at times doesn’t matter. I am not going to stress over a simple matter in life. Relationships, maybe not a good thing but when dates go sour I laugh in amazement, or run the other way if I know there is something I cannot live with and will not and cannot change. Yes, single awhile but actually ok with it, why because I have not met him yet. I am ok with just being me and letting those who don’t like it walk on by and those who want to know more …stay tuned 🙂
    I am me…AmazingMe…lol…I am such a nerd



  258.  #258R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 12:30 am

    I am spamming because it seems the entire blog is sleeping…wow all the different time zones and we all sleep at the same time. I just cannot sleep at the moment and of course talking is my way to soothe only on here though so I can say whatever I want and hear my own judgements out loud if I have any or just vent…



  259.  #259Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 12:31 am

    Morning Sirens,

    I had the weirdest dream that I was marrying the guy from work, not S but another member of staff who is not very popular. They all take the micky out of him cus he is a slightly odd older guy and he has some personal hygiene issues.

    Anyway in my dream I was marrying him???!!!

    And it was set at this beautiful hotal and ALL my family and friends were there and it was really lavish and all I felt was excited about the wedding and it was fun.

    But then it was over and it was time to go to bed with the man and I DIDN’T want to… In my dream I was freaking out and spent the night running round the deserted hotel to avoid him, and in the morning got a lift away with one of my DJ friends.

    It felt awful, I felt like such a biatch, and I just knew I couldn’t kiss him. Couldn’t work out why I had agreed to marry him in the first place.

    Weird dream.



  260.  #260Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 12:34 am

    RN Amazing Me – HELLO!

    🙂

    Long time.

    I am here cus its morning here and nearly time for me to go and teach my class this morning.

    How r u?



  261.  #261R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 12:36 am

    @259 now that is interesting and I am sorry but it made me smile you explained well…i just pictured this girl running around this hotel..



  262.  #262R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 12:39 am

    Hello dancing siren..were you known as something else awhile back? I see class nice and early, what do you teach? I am just up because It has been awhile since I read and posted here 🙂 Been busy but no excuse ha.



  263.  #263R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 12:51 am

    FIX U…ColdPlay

    When you try your best but you don’t succeed
    When you get what you want but not what you need
    When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
    Stuck in reverse

    And the tears come streaming down your face

    When you lose something you can’t replace

    When you love someone but it goes to waste

    Could it be worse?

    Lights will guide you home

    And ignite your bones

    And I will try to fix you

    And high up above or down below

    When you’re too in love to let it go

    But if you never try you’ll never know

    Just what you’re worth

    Lights will guide you home

    And ignite your bones

    And I will try to fix you



  264.  #264Tam on July 28, 2012 at 1:08 am

    Oh nice that coldplay song…. I feel like listening to it now…so relevant.

    Just to add to the Sirens who say they have no plans on Friday night or this weekend..I don’t have any either. It does make me sad but there just isn’t anything to do here or anyone to do it with and I just accept it. I laid in bed last night with a glass of wine watching the Olympics. It was good actually.

    This morning I was half asleep, waking up and had the fantasy of being wrapped in MrU’s lovely big arms, like the last time we spent a night together (and did not have sex…). It was different to normal and very affectionate and cuddly and he kept telling me all these things, like that I am one of his best friends ever, that he loves kissing me (I was shocked, he never said anything like that before, ha). He also said that he had not been with anyone else since he met me two years ago….thing is, he said a whole lot more, but he was whispering it and I only understood half and it’s not like when someone pours their heart out that you can constantly say ‘what?’….it was a really lovely night and morning too. And I kind of integrated it into my dream, and I don’t know why because yesterday I tried to imagine him with another woman and ‘letting go’ and was happy about that. My subconscious just reminded me how good and safe I felt waking up in an embrace with this man.
    It really did feel so good. My boyfriend was a very small man, and I feel guilty saying that, but waking up with him, I always thought I’d crush him and he was uncomfortable….it never felt right or safe or good, resting my head on his chest. I know, stupid.
    With MrU it was just super comfy and like it was meant to be.

    Guess that means I like big guys, really……pffff…

    So now I woke up in virtual arms and now want to get that visualisation out of my head and change it for something else…time to go for a run.
    I feel sad but hopeful!



  265.  #265R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 1:16 am

    I want the blog to wake up so I can read and learn…lol,..selfish me. See I can admit that, so moving on.



  266.  #266Tam on July 28, 2012 at 1:19 am

    Interesting dynamics at home today. My stepmother is in a bad mood, she already had a go at me behind my back to my father, for something inconsequential, like putting a spoon the wrong way into the dishwasher. I think that got her going for about 15 Minutes ‘do you understand this? I don’t but then I don’t have to understand everything, bla blah blah’ – Jeepers Creepers.
    I feel like 8 years old.
    Now she is making my father feel like 8 years old, and having constant jibes, he wanted to help her with something which is already highly unusual – instead of encouraging him, she keeps saying ‘noooo, not like that’, ‘no, that’s wrong’, ‘no, you’re wrong’.
    Wow. He pipes up like a little boy every now and then: ‘but…’, ‘I thought…’

    and then as his balls are all cut off and he is totally frustrated he turns to me ‘oh, you killed a pot plant, Tam, bu giving it too much water’ and a resulting rant.

    I just realise that I would hate to have a man who gets his balls cut off by his wife constantly and then turns on those weaker than him to release the anger. Perhaps I used to be a little critical of the men in my relationships too, but in the end I see it produces a man we can’t respect anymore…
    I would hate to have a relationship like that. If she would appreciate what he is trying to do, instead of nagging and criticising constantly, I wonder what their relationship would look like. Like a real one maybe.
    A huge lesson today on ‘what not to do’…she is an overfunctioner who is complaining about being the overfunctioner but whenever anyone wants to help, it isn’t ‘good enough’. Hm



  267.  #267R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 1:30 am

    love the…..having his balls cut off by his wife and turning to the much weaker to rant…this sounds about right. It is in that new Titanium song i will post it because I have a thing about songs. Anyways it says basically aim and shoot at only the ones running. The most scared and vulnerable, that is disturbing.



  268.  #268Tam on July 28, 2012 at 1:34 am

    267, yes, but I am happy that I recognise it now, the new me. Before I’d have thought it’s me, all my fault, I have done something wrong.
    Now I just see the dysfunctional dynamic at work and think to myself ‘I never ever want to repeat this in my own relationships’.
    Is there any wonder that there is no affection there, and he does nothing around the house? No.



  269.  #269R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 1:38 am

    You shout it loud, but I can’t hear a word you say
    I’m talking loud, not saying much
    I’m criticized, but all your bullets ricochet
    you shoot me down, but I get up

    I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose

    fire away, fire away

    ricochet, you take your aim

    fire away, fire away

    you shoot me down, but I won’t fall

    I am titanium

    you shoot me down, but I won’t fall

    I am titanium

    Cut me down, but it’s you who’ll have further to fall

    Ghost town and haunted love

    Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones

    I’m talking loud, not saying much

    I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose

    fire away, fire away

    ricochet, you take your aim

    fire away, fire away

    you shoot me down, but I won’t fall

    I am titanium

    you shoot me down, but I won’t fall

    I am titanium

    Stone hard, machine gun

    Fired at the ones who run

    Stone hard, as bulletproof glass

    You shoot me down, but I won’t fall

    I am titanium



  270.  #270R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 1:39 am

    Another great song saying just what needs to be said 🙂



  271.  #271Tam on July 28, 2012 at 1:40 am

    Yep, that song resonates too..everytime I hear it, it makes me think.
    I love it also 🙂



  272.  #272R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 1:44 am

    @268..yes better the earlier you recognize and see the pattern is not always your own. We are too hard on ourselves I believe.



  273.  #273Tam on July 28, 2012 at 1:52 am

    272..I agree. Although that voice ‘you are not good enough, you did something wrong’ is with me often.
    I hate it. It is the voice of me as a child, what I was always told, and I wish that it wouldn’t surface so much.
    Telling an 8 year old that it is her fault that her mother is mentally ill, for example…takes a lot of undoing. I just need to get away from here because all these old wounds are being re-opened when I was on a much better path already…patience, patience.. 🙂



  274.  #274R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 1:59 am

    @273..patience…a very hard word when it involves healing…Healing takes a long time sometimes, but thats ok. It sounds like you know what is best for you but your strength is what will get you to get rid of the I am not good enough voice and replace it with “I am good enough and worth so much more than I ever thought.”



  275.  #275Tam on July 28, 2012 at 2:02 am

    274 – Thank you R.N. 🙂



  276.  #276R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 2:05 am

    I used to think just getting out or running when I felt I could not handle a certain situation or different family views. How to raise my children, what a good mom should and should not do….a lot of pressure and it scary so it makes you want to just get out. I have been really working on how I deal and I don’t know your situation but for me I changed my way of dealing with the negative behavior or just behavior that made me feel so awful.Alot of times in my head I was chiming right in with the negativity…not anymore…nope.It’s not easy but I am just giving you an example like I said I don’t know your story 🙂



  277.  #277R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 2:10 am

    I didn’t really grasp the we accept bad behavior if our self esteem is low concept. I actually hated the low self esteem issue, it is a trigger for me. So this is a very vulnerable thing for me to admit that I would accept such bad behavior from any man, woman, or whatever! That is like admitting I had low self esteem which I do not feel I have…puzzled…denial…I dunno.



  278.  #278R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 2:11 am

    @275-Thank you for sharing



  279.  #279Tam on July 28, 2012 at 2:18 am

    R.N – I totally agree with you. I wish I could pipe up and speak my feelings, but I can’t in the situation I am in because I am dependent on them. I just had a really bad luck year and lost job/visa and have nowhere to go and no finances in order, so I needed a place to stay and my Dad said ‘you can stay here’. With very little enthusiasm. I am super grateful but I know they don’t like having me here and it’s a constant barrage. If I say something/anything, it will spark an argument and he may very well say ‘ok then, go’ as he has a foul temper at times.
    So yes, I accept the bad treatment and no respect that comes along with it. But I am mindful of it and if I was in a more powerful situation, there is no way I wouldn’t stand up for myself, believe me.
    I am just laying low and sticking it out for another 8 weeks….and then I am planning to never come back to stay ever again. For their sake and for mine.



  280.  #280Tam on July 28, 2012 at 2:21 am

    And also, I notice that when I feel like this, I tend to abuse my body. I run faster, far too long, in midday heat or whatever, as it makes me feel better when my body suffers, it’s like I punish myself again.
    I have scaled the running right back, used to run half marathon distance at least twice a week and got all sorts of pains…and felt like the pain was a badge of honour. Now I try to be gentle on myself, but it does not come naturally. Sadly.



  281.  #281R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 2:27 am

    What are you punishing yourself for Tam? For behavior your dealing with? I am sorry to hear of such a living experience. Your sticking it out til you can afford to move out?



  282.  #282R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 2:32 am

    But Tam do not feel alone, we all overwork and abuse our bodies in some way when we feel bad. We do it without even realizing, Self Sabatoge. I am familiar



  283.  #283Tam on July 28, 2012 at 2:35 am

    282…yes, I think we all do in the name of being productive, a good person, keeping our body trim, whatever it is.
    I am trying to be much nicer to myself these days..no more punishing (I did that subconsciously btw, it only dawned on me recently that this is what I was doing – being in control, if with nothing else then at least with my body)
    …I am learning 😉



  284.  #284R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 2:41 am

    @283 learning everyday right along with you, I am happy we are not alone.



  285.  #285R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 3:02 am

    I envy the running thing, I suck at working out let alone running. OMG if i ran now i would pass out and either think i was having a heart attack or have one. I am eating way better and less and losing inches but I am avoiding the gym like full force. I do not want to avoid it but I have issues with it…work in progress….i will overcome and defeat my own trials.



  286.  #286R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 3:04 am

    I want to dance…so hiphop dance class was what I wanted to take. I like it, it is fun, and I learn how to dance again. I will do this for sure.



  287.  #287Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 3:43 am

    RN Amazing Me.

    Re 262

    Yep

    😉



  288.  #288Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 3:46 am

    Roasted chicken, organic salad leaves and reduced fat hummus…

    MUCH better!

    🙂



  289.  #289Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 3:48 am

    RN re 286

    YEAH to dancing

    Zumba is fun too! If you like Hip Hop you will prbably the Reggeatton beats. 😉



  290.  #290Femininewoman on July 28, 2012 at 3:52 am

    siren song I believe there is always a reason why people rage like that. The fact that you had no idea suggests to me that is a lesson to use your intuition more and to talk, really talk to the man you in relationship with.



  291.  #291Femininewoman on July 28, 2012 at 3:54 am

    I love Reggaeton. I am going to my Zumba class in an hour. Dancing Siren after reading about your dream I really have to wonder why is it that we have dreams, especially about these men?



  292.  #292Ella on July 28, 2012 at 4:08 am

    (((((Tam))))) re 273,

    And also Rori suggests that we can accept, and even learn to love and soothe that little negative voice we hear.

    Like ‘Awww, I hear you, and its ok, I hear that you are afraid, and feel not good enough, and that’s ok, I love you anyway…’ etc…

    As a way to learn to love ourselves and make peace with those dark parts of ourselves.

    So that rather than struggling with those voices and parts we don’t like, we can gently be free and move on.

    What do you think?



  293.  #293Butterfly Wings on July 28, 2012 at 4:08 am

    Hi everyone. I’ve been MIA for what seems forever now, and I thought I’d pop in and say hi.

    I would love to say that things are great with me, but they’re very far from it. I’ve been dealing with depression and a whole host of other side effects of the BCP I was on until just over 6 weeks ago, and in the process I think I’ve pushed TH to far, and he’s now questioning if we have a future together.

    He’s overseas on holiday right now, and doesn’t want to talk to me (I don’t blame him).

    I had a meltdown earlier this week (a side effect of the withdrawal of coming off this drug), and I really let him have it – I went nuts, and at the time I really thought I was losing my mind, as I had NO idea why I was acting this way.

    Anyway, lots of research later, I found that I was definitely NOT alone and that there were women all over the world whose lives had been turned upside down because of this drug.

    I’ve been messaging and emailing TH to the point where he’s just shut down (which is to be expected), although tonight I’m not feeling tempted. Maybe I’ve said what I needed to say? I don’t know… or maybe I’m healing… I hope so.

    So yeah, life sucks but I am in the process of healing, but right now am stuck in limbo while TH decides what he wants to do. He’s back Monday so I will have to leave him alone until then, when he has said we will have a talk about it… 🙁

    I would not wish this on anyone…



  294.  #294Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 4:11 am

    And now fresh brwed coffee from a cafetiere.

    Yum.



  295.  #295Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 4:12 am

    Love this pure cheese and its GREAT!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JH3WvI_S6-k



  296.  #296Ella on July 28, 2012 at 4:14 am

    ((((((Butterfly Wings)))))))

    Take REALLY good care of you ok.

    xoxox



  297.  #297Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 4:17 am

    I feel pleased that I no longer associate alcohol with fun!



  298.  #298Femininewoman on July 28, 2012 at 4:18 am

    ((((((((((((((((Butterfly Wings))))))))))))))))))))

    You’ve been on my mind



  299.  #299Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 4:20 am

    I didn’t watch the Olypics opening ceremony yesteday, so I am looking forward to watching it back tomorrow on my day off!



  300.  #300Femininewoman on July 28, 2012 at 4:23 am

    I also wonder about Sun Goddess and Music Man



  301.  #301Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 4:25 am

    I don’t think I used my chance to practice talking to, and listening to, the other chef at work at the pub, the one who S would sometimes get wasted with and the one who blew up and raged at me one day for no apparent reason.

    I did my best but I felt closed down, and secretly labelled him as ‘bad’ and ‘not nice’…

    But I know it is often the people who upset us who we have something to learn from.

    I did try to stay open, and use FMs etc but it just felt hard and seemed to create more distance.

    It was also hard being in that testosterone fuelled, fast paced setting at work, and never really seeing him to speak to one to one. And also the fact the he encourages S to get wasted, was never going to help.

    And I feel a lil sad about it.

    Oh well, nevermind.



  302.  #302Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 4:26 am

    I wonder if it is excessive to have another cup of coffee?



  303.  #303Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 4:30 am

    Right, I need to wash my hair, and get ready for this evening.

    And decide what to wear.

    I have another client this afternoon and want to get ready 1st.

    Then to my friend’s for dinner and out after!

    And guess what, the friend I am meeting, she is getting into Rori too! So I will have someone to practice with and talk about it all with.

    I mean someone in the flesh 🙂

    Imagine that, it feels so good!



  304.  #304Tam on July 28, 2012 at 4:33 am

    Ella, thank you for your post, I like the idea!



  305.  #305Femininewoman on July 28, 2012 at 4:35 am

    “If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.”

    – Margaret Thatcher



  306.  #306Femininewoman on July 28, 2012 at 4:39 am

    secretly labelled him as ‘bad’ and ‘not nice’…

    DS This is where I believe your lesson and your growth could be around. Noticing yourself feeling judgemental. I have started practicing saying it outloud to people I am interacting with when I get the chance. For me this is where I shut down too so speaking up about it helps me to kinda liberate myself



  307.  #307Tam on July 28, 2012 at 4:58 am

    FW – great post from Maggie and very true!



  308.  #308Radlove on July 28, 2012 at 5:04 am

    Amazing Me,

    256 – Hey! I am in love with R. I think I am dealing with two different entities here: R, a man with an exceptionally tender heart, and the schizophrenia, which is cruel and sadistic beyond words.

    So I choose to focus on the real him, trusting that the bad part will fall away like a dead leaf falling off a tree in the autumn. I see a lot of growth in him…and in me.



  309.  #309Radlove on July 28, 2012 at 5:07 am

    Amazing Me,

    257 – I am staying tuned! 🙂

    I wonder if “I am such a nerd” is a subtle put down?



  310.  #310Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 5:21 am

    Right toenails painted, earrings fixed using pliers! Outfit/s selected ready for making a final choice with my friend later.

    Maybe that second cus of coffee WAS a good idea after all! 🙂

    Now shower time.



  311.  #311LiliBee on July 28, 2012 at 5:36 am

    (((Butterfly Wings)))

    Lean back and take care of yourself. Hug yourself and give yourself compassion.

    At this point, I believe being at him will push him back some more.
    He most likely needs to step back, take space to gather his thoughts and feelings…and so do you.

    I remember how yucky it felt being in that place.
    I’ve done the same in the same situation, and he still came back.
    I’m just saying, keep your mind open to anything, no expectations and trust that you are loved.



  312.  #312Radlove on July 28, 2012 at 5:41 am

    (((Butterfly Wings)))

    293



  313.  #313LiliBee on July 28, 2012 at 5:48 am

    I feel so judgemental myself this morning.

    I am triggered, and I just want to give him an order and control him.
    I feel angry and disappointed in his values.

    I need you sirens’ help to find a FM.

    Him, me and his son are going to a beach party.
    He insists on taking his convertible sports car.
    Neither his son or I are comfortable in the very small backseat where there is no seatbelt…for a 1 hour drive.

    1. It’s not safe. What if we have an accident with a no seatbelt child?

    2. If he gets pulled over by police for an innocent reason, we have a no seatbelt child in the car.

    I don’t feel good about it at all, and I can’t think of a good FM.

    All I can think of is : “It doesn’t matter if he’s uncomfortable (too big) for the back seat and he isn’t safe without a seatbelt. That’s not a priority, your priority in life is to have people stare and say ‘what a cool car, what a cool dude to have such a cool car’. That’s more important than having your family safe.”

    …and his tires are used to the wire.

    His family’s safety should come 1st and above his need to impress friends and strangers.

    I feel so disappointed in his lack of valuing and cherishing people close to him just so he can be impressive.

    (A true magician FW).



  314.  #314R.N.AmazingMe on July 28, 2012 at 6:04 am

    @309 umm I didn’t look at it so serious, I was just making fun of my nerdy ways but am ok with it and secure in it…lol..just saying



  315.  #315Dancing Siren on July 28, 2012 at 6:22 am

    Lilibee

    ‘Hon, There is something I want to talk to you about. I am feeling really distressed and upset (or angry) when I hear that we are going to the beach party in the sports car. I am sure you don’t mean it this way and you just want for us to have a nice time, and frankly I feel unsafe in that car, and I feel unvalued, like my and son’s safety are not important. I don’t want to go in that car”

    xoxox



  316.  #316Radlove on July 28, 2012 at 6:26 am

    “Why does relationship hurt ? Is it because you like someone more than yourself ?
    NO it’s because you trust them so much that you forget to trust yourself…….”

    Chandra Singh



  317.  #317Annie on July 28, 2012 at 6:26 am

    ” men value their freedom above anything and don’t like to answer to anyone”

    That feels awful.

    I don’t want to be in a relationship with a man who thinks he doesn’t have to answer my questions as is free to do as he likes.

    If he wants me I do not want to share him with any other women or look after our children whilst he swans around free to do what he likes.
    Sigh!

    Surely having a loyal faithful committed partner comes at a price that we are no longer totally free.



  318.  #318Dominique on July 28, 2012 at 6:27 am

    bloom-ing – I’m so sorry, only just saw #237. I’m sending it to you now…….Can you feel it?

    Feel free to e-mail me anytime.

    xxoo



  319.  #319Dominique on July 28, 2012 at 6:41 am

    Annie – But the freedom also includes choosing YOU without pressure, nagging, criticism, etc. A good man who loves you AND is left alone to be himself WILL choose you every time.

    xxoo



  320.  #320Starla on July 28, 2012 at 6:49 am

    My internet is still on, lol

    I had an amazing time last night. My old boss came into town from a far away state with his roommate whom I hadn’t met before. His roommate and I hit it off big time. It felt great to have such a nice, handsome, educated man interested in talking to me so much.

    We went to a metal fest in another city, and it felt incredible. It was only a teeeeeny bit triggering, because CF would have truly, truly loved it. He really missed out in leaving me. Too bad for him. He left a girl who goes out of her way to go on mini road trips to see amazing metal and head bang the night away.

    But mostly it just felt amazing to be in an environment that has always felt like “home” to me and really enjoy myself and rock out enjoy the people and my friends.

    Oh yeah, and I don’t know my own strength and accidentally ripped the sliding door off our friend’s van:(. But the boys fixed it and were very kind about not making me feel bad for breaking the car.

    I love men.



  321.  #321Femininewoman on July 28, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Dominique/Annie I feel intrigued when I see how our different perspectives on things influence our thinking and ultimately the way we act, hence affecting our relationships. Another lesson for me about how I should only focus on living “MY” life.



  322.  #322Femininewoman on July 28, 2012 at 7:01 am

    LiliBee maybe I would include in the FM that I don’t want to tell him what to do but I don’t feel safe in that car so I would prefer to drive my car so he can go ahead and enjoy the freedom and exhiliration he feels while driving his convertible. It’s his life and he will do what he wants to do. Though it might be about his and his son’s safety also, you can only inspire him to see things your way. Many men are free spirited and adventurous. I would try to flip the way I am looking at this so that I deal with my own anger, if there is any. Assuming that he is not concerned about his family’s safety is, for me, untrue. I wouldn’t go there because it does not serve the relationship. I believe he is just focussed on fun.



  323.  #323Starla on July 28, 2012 at 7:15 am

    About the car/seatbelt issue
    I would be as succinct as possible here. “I don’t want to take the convertible because there’s no seat belt in the back for the boy. What do you think we could do?”

    If it were me I would honestly say “babe can we please take a different car? I feel weird about the no seatbelt thing for the boy and I don’t want to sit in the back either.”

    I would seriously keep it under two sentences and be careful not to turn it into a bigger, more emotional issue than it is yet. If he were to tell you too bad so sad, then you can start diving deeper into all that.



  324.  #324Memulo on July 28, 2012 at 7:27 am

    There is a new thread



  325.  #325Radlove on July 28, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Annie,

    317 – When I think of a man valuing his freedom, I just think of how each person has free will, and I want to respect my man’s free will. i want him to come to me and spend time with me because he WANTS to, not because he feels forced.

    When I look at it that way, it doesn’t bother me. The more my man and I cultivate love, trust, and positive feelings, the more harmonious it will be, and it won’t matter that he likes freedom, because I will be right by his side, enjoying his freedom with him!



  326.  #326Radlove on July 28, 2012 at 7:39 am

    I like bears!!!

    They are soft, cuddly, warm, and fuzzy!



  327.  #327Memulo on July 28, 2012 at 7:43 am

    There is a new thread up



  328.  #328LiliBee on July 28, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Thank You DS, FW and Starla 🙂

    I feel better and less uptight about it. I see how I have the 1st reaction to make him wrong.
    He has brought out the ‘fun’ girl in me.
    I just don’t want to be ‘careless’ in the fun and I want to be valued and important.

    I see my stuff here. How I felt with my parents that material stuff and appearances were more important than me.
    That is often triggered.
    That’s ‘my’ stuff and ‘my’ trigger.
    I see how I jump 1st to dumping it on him and making him wrong.

    I still think I need to express how I feel worried for safety, just without making him wrong.

    Your FMs feel good sirens 🙂

    We may very well endup taking 2 cars.

    I’m giving my friend a ride to get there, and D’s son is trying to find a friend to keep him company.



  329.  #329Jasmine on July 28, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Drunken texts!!

    Oh no oh no oh no!! Why did I do it???

    I knew I would regret it. Argggg



  330.  #330Daria on July 29, 2012 at 1:30 am

    I’m feeling so thrilled 🙂

    The growth on me feels exciting to see

    I’m judging myself so much more and allowing the real me to be seen much more and I’m in charge of my thoughts

    When I observe myself in thoughts that are seeking outside validation I stop, see it as social programming, and shake it off

    I don’t need it as I am a full adult not a developmentally stunted one that is like a child
    Yeah

    I’m communicating so confidently w my fm’s and don’t wants,

    Really requiring great treatment

    Mmm this feels so healing



  331.  #331Dancing Siren on July 29, 2012 at 3:33 am

    I feel SO ANGRY today.

    I don’t even know what to do.