Out of My Head and Into My Heart

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heartinhandsI`m a workaholic. I have to admit it. I`m a doing-stuff junkie. I`m a do-it-yourselfer with a to-do list that would intimidate most CEO`s, and the will to barrel through it. I wake up excited to see my computer. Day after day.

So how does this fit with my idea of life balance? Left to my own devices, I`d start writing at 7am and quit only after falling asleep at my keyboard around 3am. I`d stagger through the day turning my imagination into words and deeds lived by a character in a book. I`m a lone wolf who wants more than anything to belong.

I`m a square peg in a round hole who`s fervently re-cutting the round hole into a square. It`s not bad. Actually, it`s sometimes pretty creative and satisfying. And sometimes it feels like I`m a head without a body. I forget to breathe. I forget to eat. So, how do I bring the life of my head into the life of my body, and the life of my soul into my thoughts?

I know I`m not alone.

Ahhhh. And this is my specialty. The What if dialogue, the Mantra, all my Tools to bring you from your head to your heart are all from me. And here I am, standing in the kitchen, held by my man like the picture I used to show in my workshops – the picture I call Surrender in which a gorgeous man wraps his hands and arms around a lovely, relaxed woman – and I`m looking out into my lush garden, and I`m thinking about…advertising. Whoa.

I realize this is pretty stupid, not to mention the opposite of everything I teach.  Here I`ve got a great man, we`re alone in my house, and I`m too busy thinking to feel.

Not, I think, because I`m afraid to feel, but because I just, damn it, want to think. I`m about to go with – Well, I`m just not in the mood, it`s okay, I`ll just be half here until my body kicks in – and then I toss out that idea. I breathe, I go into my imagination for romance, and then I suddenly realize I don`t have to.

I`m really here. I can feel the floor, I can feel my heart, I can feel the air, hear the dog bark, the cat purr, and still it`s a battle. My head battles my body. Think, feel, think, feel. The balloon of my energy gets batted back and forth – think, feel, imagine, feel, do, feel. Why am I at war with myself? And then I get it.

Doesn`t matter what`s going in my head. Not a word, not a thought, not a pulling, stiffening, rope-tying, limiting idea has any power at all over me. Feeling trumps thought. All the time, every time.

Okay, you say, humoring me, I believe it goes this way: Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to action, etc. This may be true. And yet, with me, trying to rearrange my thoughts is still thinking. So I`ll just cut to the chase. I`ll see if my feelings can squash my thoughts. Instead of romanticizing my way out, instead of imagining my way out (I`ll do my visioning, imagining, all my Rori Raye stuff when I practice, practice, practice alone), I`ll just feel my way out. I won`t even ask myself what I feel. I`ll just feel.

Now what? Okay, I turn my head to my man. I look in his eyes. I see blue like the sky. I look at the hairs poking a bit out of his chin. I look at his ear. All of a sudden I reach out and touch his cheek. Oooooh I feel. Stubbly I think. I remember smiling, the rest I forget.

I believe with my whole heart that What Is Right in Front of Me trumps what I think. I believe that when I`m cold, or hot, it comes before what`s on the menu. That anyone`s face is interesting enough to stop my judgment and inspire my curiosity.

That the feeling I wonder who you are? comes before the thought Are you what I want? And that the feeling I feel good, and warm, and safe, or confused and scared and uncomfortable comes before What is he thinking? and Do I look good enough?

So, I`m suggesting something new. Practice wonder. Practice curiosity.

When we`re actually out and about (as opposed to practicing the Tools at home alone) instead of imagining, instead of picturing putting ourselves in a safe or romantic place (just because we`ve managed to think ourselves into numbness way too much), sink down into What Is.

There`s a face in front of you. There`s a child in front of you, a dog, a cat, a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker, an old woman, a beautiful car. There`s a sunset – not the memory of the sunset you shared with someone who broke your heart, but the one right now. It has colors, and shapes. It`s a new memory.

This may sound woo-woo, and it`s anything but. It`s about sometimes getting out of the la-la land of our brains (no matter how attractive and obsessive our thoughts can get) by getting down into reality. We`re all afraid that reality is ugly. Actually, most of the time, it`s what our brains think of reality that can be ugly.

We all know people who are great at turning lemons into lemonade. What if what we often assume to be lemons simply aren`t lemons at all? There is much in life that brings pain. There`s much in life that brings joy. Instead of believing I will walk into pain and try to think it into joy, I choose to believe I will walk into joy and it will just simply…be…joy.

Trust yourself. If you are happy, be happy. If you are sad, be sad. Sooner or later, the feeling will lead to a thought, which will lead to another feeling, which will lead to another thought, which will lead to a feeling which will lead to action. Be curious.

Love, Rori


  1.  #1FEMENERGYLOVE on October 4, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    how do you do it rori?you know just what i’m thinking!now to begin just feeling 😉 Ciao

  2.  #2tinque on October 4, 2009 at 3:13 pm

    There is nothing more pure, more joyous than being in awe. Of everything. And melting into ALL of it.

  3.  #3heartbeat on October 4, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    Me too, Rori – what a beautifully written piece, feels weirdly wonderfully synchronistic.

    Curiosity, touching, looking at his face… everything I experienced today. Wow – I feel utterly thrilled and endorsed in some way. Like I wandered down a track and then a big sign appeared saying yep this way.

    Thank you so much. I feel your world through your heart reading this. I picture myself in my kitchen noticing the stubble on my man’s chin. Not thinking or evaluating or remembering or planning.

    It feels so warm and floaty free. Wayhay!!

    I also had a conversation yesterday with one of my best friends about how we both love to be busy.

    Maybe Rori is my secret cousin 🙂


  4.  #4heartbeat on October 4, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    Exactly, Tinque – that’s how it is for me xxxx

  5.  #5heartbeat on October 4, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    Nikita was talking with me on an earlier post about men who are very head-based – I mentioned my man likes to discuss and inform.. a lot! And this is exactly how I feel with him (at best) – just curious, intrigued, as if he is all new. Ahem… at worst I feel really irritated, but I’m learning to notice I’m like that when I’m tired or run down or overworking. So I stretch out like a cat and feel all the sensations in my body. And then I feel able to listen – that’s if he hasn’t got hold of me in a smooch by then…

  6.  #6tinque on October 4, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    Being so in body that waves of pleasure flow through me, over and over. Laying in my lover’s arms after an intense full body connection, heart and soul included, there is nothing better, and there is nothing else but sensation.

  7.  #7heartbeat on October 4, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    bedtime again in Blighty – nighty night goddesses xxxx

  8.  #8heartbeat on October 4, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    Tinque… you’re turning me on 🙂 xxxx

  9.  #9tinque on October 4, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    don’t let the bedbugs bite Heartbeat, (too much).

  10.  #10Ann on October 4, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    I like this post. My granddaughter stayed the night with me Friday. We made plans of all the “fun” stuff we were going to do. On Wednesday I beginning feel ill, still not feeling 100% but I digress, any way I set the puzzle up she wanted to go back & forth working on. I didn’t feel like looking for craft supplies but I did open up one of my storage containers. I found some of my old purses, she said can I see what’s in them, I said sure. She found all kinds of stuff. Finally I said “we’re exploring” and she said “Yay exploring this is fun.” So I guess my message here for me is fun, feel good moments can be found in the smallest things. And to try to look through the eyes of a child, with wonder at everything.

  11.  #11Ann on October 4, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Darn I forget to subscribe to the post. Night Heartbeat

  12.  #12heartbeat on October 4, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    So did I – lol! Ann that was BEAUTIFUL. Nighty Night xxxx

  13.  #13tinque on October 4, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Heartbeat – HAH!! mission accomplished, not necessarily you in particular though I’m delighted it is, for there isn’t anything else but turn on as far as I’m concerned. YUM!!!

  14.  #14Aminata on October 4, 2009 at 4:48 pm


    I felt the most powerful line in this piece is, “Instead of believing I will walk into pain and try to think it into joy, I choose to believe I will walk into joy and it will just simply…be…joy.”

    So often we get caught up in expectations of what will be. Usually those expectations are bad or if they are good, we try to force them into reality. I have definitely been guilty of this and am focusing on my dreams but ALLOWING them to manifest through my girl energy. Letting obsessions fall away by being with my feelings in the present moment, something I never tried before this year. I am unlearning resisting my feelings to use logic, because my feelings turn out to be right every time, no matter how crazy I think they are when they first arrive.

    Right now I am stepping out into the unknown on faith that my feelings will guide me through as long as I listen to them. It’s kinda scary and tumultuous inside (and to think I spent all those years in yoga class stuffing down these feelings in search of “peace”) I feel confident if I continue, the joy I feel in present moments will continue to grow.

    I’d love to hear about how other women feel as they awaken to their feelings and the joy of being in the present. it’ll help me feel like I’m not so alone…

  15.  #15Linda on October 4, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    My dad always said follow your heart instead of your head. I adopted that stance long ago…. I admit I am a thinker but ultimately my heart makes my decision. I might call it my intuition but I will say that listenting to it has never led me wrong. Even in times when I feel unsure… if I wait and listen and observe what is going on around me, being in line with my heart brings peace.

    Now that I am paying more attention to my feelings.. ie, how I feel with a man, or in a situation at work, it is easier to make decisions to. I know that feelings can change but the gut ones… the deeper ones for me dont. There are like a compass.

    It is like I have become congruent. logic, intuition/heart, feelings. I am learning to let them all work and lead when I need them to. Ultimately, my heart makes the final decision. Happiness for me resides there.

  16.  #16Simply Shannon on October 4, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    This line I love: “That the feeling I wonder who you are? comes before the thought Are you what I want?”

    I have that thought all the time when I’m with a man. I like the feeling of wonder that you described. I need to change this about myself. I’m too caught up analyzing rather than feeling.

    I would like some advice from my fellow sirens. I was with a man most of the day on Saturday. A great first date (walking in the gardens, wine tasting, dinner, etc.). The day itself was great. I enjoyed myself alot. I just wasn’t feeling attraction to the man I was with. I really listened and tried to just let myself melt when he touched me. But I really just wasn’t getting any of those lovely little chemistry sparks. And at some point, I could feel myself checking out. He was fairly opinionated about some things. At first I enjoyed listening to him. And then, when he went on and on and on about it, I felt bored and mildly annoyed. I continued to listen but didn’t encourage him by responding verbally. Just nodded my head. Eventually he moved on. How would I authentically respond to him to let him know I feel bored with a conversation? It was our first date, and I didn’t want to be rude about something he clearly felt strongly about. I did good expressing my feelings at other times but this one point I felt confused and just kept my mouth shut.

    Ideas? Shannon

  17.  #17alias girl on October 4, 2009 at 8:28 pm


    i feel bored.

    i feel lost in this conversation.

    i’m sorry. i felt myself drifing.

    i feel overwhelmed.

    i feel myself shutting down.

  18.  #18Simply Shannon on October 4, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    “I feel lost in this conversation.” That one I could manage. I know I was thinking too much once I started feeling bored. Rather than just stretching out and enjoying the sun, I just kept on listening in hopes that I would feel interested in continuing to hear what he had to say. It just didn’t happen. I definitely felt myself drift off.

    I don’t feel so bad that I couldn’t be authentic during this one point of our date. The rest of the time I did pretty good. I did get practice telling a guy Friday night that I didn’t feel a connection with him. That was scary as hell but I did it. (Yeah!) This guy I just couldn’t manage it. He seems like a good guy. I’ve enjoyed talking with him and he has alot of the same ideas about relationships and life in general (with a few big exceptions).

    Okay, another question… what do you do when you don’t feel any romantic spark when you meet? I’m talking about that “wow you’re my kind of guy” or that basic chemistry you feel with someone you’re attracted to? I’ve let it ride several times now in hopes that I would start feeling more once I got to know them better, but nope. Hasn’t happened yet. I feel disappointed by this and can’t seem to decide if this is me shutting down or if I just need to trust myself when I know a guy feels right or doesn’t. Then again, when I’ve felt chemistry, some of those relationships haven’t gone so well either.

    Do you trust chemistry or not?

  19.  #19alias girl on October 4, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    some of the other sirens have shared that they didn’t have an initial chemistry with a man yet continued to date him and one developed. rori also says this can happen. i feel possibility in this.

    since it is sort of self created anyway.

  20.  #20Linda on October 4, 2009 at 9:07 pm


    consider shorter first dates. I keep mine short. I lthink a good rule of thumb is leave before the energy between you subsides keep it at 2 hours max..when I dont want to.. if I want to leave I have stayed too long.

    Chemistry is a must have for me for a romantic relationship to develope but… without common interest, ground, etc… chemistry and attraction become moot eventually.

    Just my two cents worth.


  21.  #21janjune on October 4, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    hi alias girl,
    did you have too good of a time at the concert? meaning was it too much excitement? sometimes even when I have a really really good time the next day my resources are depleted and I need to shut down and recharge.
    I felt wonder at you receiving ticket for free by standing at the gate! Double wonder! What ELSE is possible?

  22.  #22alias girl on October 4, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    janjune thank you for asking! yes was Very Fun! i felt invigorated by it and want to dance more!

    yes i fully 100% believe in miracles and feel happy to experience them in my life. i believe Anything is possible. i feel grateful and cared for.

    Uschi i wish i could see pix of your fancy new duds! i went to your website and saw your beautiful flower arrangements. truly stunning.

    i feel excited for when you let us know of your white tie affair you are going to attend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ann i liked what you shared earlier. i feel good to explore! life has begun to feel like a bug adventure. i feel surprise and delight around every corner. 🙂

    i feel very good that rori is focussing on feelings. i feel desirous of being supergirly. turned on. receiving. sensuous. feeling feeling feeling…

    thank you.

  23.  #23Sasha J on October 5, 2009 at 12:47 am

    Aminata….that was beautiful, I felt moved by it, because whenever I feel myself struggling and feeling awful i realise i have unknowingly built expectations….and then i am gentle with myself and start to feel free again

    Alias Girl…I feel so inspired by anything you write

    JanJune, I felt familiarity with your posts on switching hats,

    and I feel like I should be home now….I feel so far away from comfort….I’m going to start my commute home….

  24.  #24Daria on October 5, 2009 at 2:33 am

    im feeling awful

  25.  #25Sasha J on October 5, 2009 at 2:46 am

    Oh daria i feel glad i saw your post, and am beaming you a Cushion of love from australia 🙂 xoxo

  26.  #26Tracy on October 5, 2009 at 3:33 am

    Today i woke up feeling down….and i have been feeling bad ….though i keep drifting from feeling down…to feeling at ease and then back to feeling bad again….I am sinking down into my feelings and just being me….
    I was mean to someone in the office and it made me feel worse…i still love me….and i feel my anger and sadness at myself….
    I feel that i am less afraid of feeling sad….and i feel acceptance for my sadness and bad feelings….
    I totally love this post….I am practicing getting out of my head and feeling though my now….

  27.  #27Mercedes on October 5, 2009 at 7:18 am

    “Trust yourself. If you are happy, be happy. If you are sad, be sad. Sooner or later, the feeling will lead to a thought, which will lead to another feeling, which will lead to another thought, which will lead to a feeling which will lead to action. Be curious.”

    I like this.

    Much Love,

  28.  #28nikita on October 5, 2009 at 12:40 pm

    I’m getting on a plane tomorrow.
    I feel excited. I don’t feel like packing. The new guy is flying me up to New Enland for a few days. I feel curious.

  29.  #29nikita on October 5, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    Ugh! typo…New England….that feels so much better.
    I feel very attracted to Alias girl….I feel drawn in…I want to draw in….I want to dive into her pink puffy girl cloud….I want to inspire those dive in feelings with men…
    I feel nervous….apprehensive about being feminine with the new guy….I felt very feminine with my ex…effortlessly so…..I feel confused…

  30.  #30heartbeat on October 5, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Aminata & Sasha J – I feel the same and I love the way you both expressed yourself, your words. I find myself nodding in recognition and feel inspired. Thank you xxxx

  31.  #31Daria on October 5, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    Thanks Sasha J! I feel much better !

  32.  #32Flipper on October 5, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Re the lack of chemistry or romantic spark, Simply Shannon wrote: “I feel disappointed by this and can’t seem to decide if this is me shutting down or if I just need to trust myself when I know a guy feels right or doesn’t. ” I don’t want to worry myself about this anymore. I want to feel that my feelings are doing their job and not sloughing off – they are showing me my boundaries. I will not kiss a man who feels ick – I owe it to us both to keep my actions, or lack of them, in line with my feelings. Why would I feel bad about myself not ‘feeling it’ for some guy just because he asked me out, for His reasons – not mine. I remember he’s a messenger, because I or Mr.Right aren’t ready yet, but he’ll help me get ready.

    In the meantime, this messenger has received the prescious gift of being with a goddess, which can help him learn to notice a goddess and how to treat her, so he can become Mr.Right for his Ms. Right, which just might be Me. That’s why I’m all for all the other Sirens getting out and circular-dating, too, a lot – this will favor better men for all of us.

  33.  #33Simply Shannon on October 5, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    I feel down and impatient. I had fun this weekend but the men I’ve been meeting aren’t ringing my bell so to speak. I would like to meet someone that I feel the sparks with. Even just mildly. I feel turned off by the men I’ve met lately. They are totally into me but I just don’t feel it for them. I’ve kept myself open and tried to let myself find those feelings. They just haven’t grown. I feel guilty and worried that I’m closed off and don’t know it. I still feel angry about A. We haven’t talked in two weeks. I’m slowly getting past him but I miss him. I miss that attraction. I felt it for A. I haven’t felt that for anyone else yet. I feel very triggered right now as I know he’s back on the dating website where we met. I suppose that speaks volumes about where his head is at moment, huh? He’s moved on and I’m still thinking about him. This sucks. Blech. I feel sad.:-( I’m going to take a bath and then paint my toes.

  34.  #34tinque on October 5, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    Just a thought Shannon – are you maybe so attracted to A because he’s unavailable and not attracted to the others because they are AND they like you?
    Someone said above, and I apologize for being lazy and not going to check who it was, that the attraction and the love grows as you get to really know someone. If they are treating you like the goddess that you are. Or is that maybe not what you’re used to thus not attracted.
    This is a question to consider and not meant as a challenge.

  35.  #35alias girl on October 5, 2009 at 5:31 pm

    OMG i just submitted for a job and i felt like I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THIS JOB OPPORTUNITY!

    i have NEVER felt this way about a job. omg. omg. miracles happen. even if i didn’t get it just the fact that this happened is a miracle. omg. i feel totally teary.

    i feel so grateful. i feel so lucky that i am still alive with all my new chances and passions. 🙂 aw. i feel so moved.


    simply shannon i feel supportive. in the beginning of rori’s work when i was finally ready for dating i was deluged with frogs. i’m not saying your men are frogs. i just want to say that the quality of men went up for me. i attract far more men that i am attracted to now. i feel worthy more of being with someone i feel attracted to.

    rori suggests that we don’t date to find “the one” but rather for free therapy. i feel supportive. when i got too discouraged in the past i would just focus back on me and date myself.

  36.  #36Simply Shannon on October 5, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    Thank you ladies. I don’t know if it’s that A was/is unavailable. When I met him (before he was anything to me at all), I had that va-va-voom feeling as soon as I saw him at my door. It’s funny because I went out with another guy the very next night and had that same feeling with the other guy. I remember wondering if either of them could be the one and which one would I choose. (I was actually leaning towards the other guy in my imagination!)

    I’ve got two guys in my rotation that I have some sparks with but nothing like with past relationships (not just A but men in general). Guess I’m feeling disappointed in the current guys. And seeing A’s profile online was like a sucker punch. Blech. Why oh why did I even look!?!

    I’m going out with another guy on Thursday that I’m hoping will renew my faith that some of these guys give me that spark! 😉 I know this is part of the process and I’m still learning to let go of my own toxic behavior. I just have to keep reminding myself that the relationship with A was FARRRR from perfect and not what I really want in the end. Sure he had some great characteristics that I would love to have in a man, but he also had some MAJOR flaws that I don’t want.

    On a side note, the past few weeks I’ve been getting messages about fear (very relevant to me) and then today I got a message about patience. I feel amused and intrigued by that. It’s like God speaking to me and finding me where I am. I felt relief when I read that message.

    I do feel tired though and am looking forward to a girls’ weekend at the beach. I need a break and want to date myself for a bit. These men are exhausting me. 🙂

  37.  #37janjune on October 5, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    I was just thinking about that tonight. I’ve heard Rori and some of the other goddesses talk about dating themselves.

    Alias girl – how do you do that?
    do you just think up fun things you want to do and go do them by yourself?
    Does it still count as circular dating yourself if you go with your girlfriends, like girls’ night out?

    I think Rori has also said if you’re married (which i’m not) the goddesses can circular date by practicing the Tools on men they meet in their daily lives.

    I’ve been doing that actually more anyway than traditional type circular dating for a number of reasons. It’s working well.
    I’m practicing the Tools on the men at work, in the home improvement store ( I like to do my own repairs and home improvements too), in the grocery store, at the doctor’s office, everywhere.
    Sometimes I don’t do anything at all, just take my goddess self into the store or whatever and get good results.
    I still can’t believe how sensitive men are to our energy!
    Just seeing how sensitive they are to the goddess energy convinces me that they are just as sensitive to the insecurities and what they experience as neediness and control.

  38.  #38Mary Ann on October 5, 2009 at 9:10 pm

    Loved this post..its a great reminder to me to slow down and enjoy now instead of speeding ahead in my mind to what may or may not happen. I end of feeling things about the stuff in my head instead of feeling the real feelings happening at the moment.

    Flipper: I love what you said about the Sirens helping to make the men out there better…lol…that would be wonderful 🙂

  39.  #39alias girl on October 5, 2009 at 9:19 pm

    janjune i felt surprised when i read what you wrote about men being sensitive to a woman’s energy and thus also being as equally sensitive to her neediness and controlling.

    of course, seems so obvious now that you say it. i’m sure rori has said it and other sirens. but sometimes things only click after the umpteenth time of hearing it. sometimes sooner. 🙂

    so thank you for that!

    yes i literally took myself out on dates. i would sort of ask myself what i wanted to do. usually it was something i wanted a man to take me to. and i would arrange it for myself. i would get tickets or directions or whatever was needed. i would play both the boy and the girl role. so the boy had to do all the logistics and paying (with a heart of generosity) and also making sure the car had gas and was clean for a date etc.

    and me, the female had to be super appreciative and dress as cute as possible for the selected activity.

    the first date i was sort of miffed at my boy because i felt he had done things shabbily. 🙂

    now this has become a lot of second nature to me and i am doing things in my life that i had been “waiting” for a man to do them with.

    i buy fresh flowers for myself, sometimes i’ll take a bath and put silk rose petals around and light candles.

    just little things. baby step by baby step.

    i feel very curious and interested in what you might end up doing for yourself if you date yourself. (always looking for new goddessey ideas!)

  40.  #40janjune on October 5, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    Mary Ann-
    ” I end of feeling things about the stuff in my head instead of feeling the real feelings happening at the moment.”
    I feel clarity reading your post. Because as you said,I feel things, but it’s about the stuff up in my head instead the stuff that’s happening in THIS moment.
    I feel relief to be able to weed out some of the feelings. The ones that aren’t about what’s going on in the moment. I feel more on-track with my goal of staying in Girl now.
    Thanku Mary Ann!

  41.  #41Mary Ann on October 5, 2009 at 10:32 pm

    No problem Janjune 🙂
    Glad I could bring something here…I hope I can stay in the moment and be girley and feeling the next time I’m with a fabulous man 🙂 Especially the one I am liking at the moment…but I’m focusing on the plan..not the man..haha trying to anyway…

  42.  #42janjune on October 5, 2009 at 11:39 pm

    Alias girl-
    I feel giggly and silly about dating myself. I love the idea!! I feel tickled and laughy. I feel doubt about pulling it off. I feel some confidence. I feel doubtful and scared. I feel I will find a way to do this somehow, someway because to be so scared feels stifling. I feel annoyed that I feel scared of what people will think if I walk into a nice restaurant by myself for a dinner by myself at night. Because that’s the date i want to have with myself but feel it’s not appropriate.I feel triggered that men can do that and are welcomed but women have to think twice about it. Especially in the evening. I feel getting over it somehow.
    I feel appreciative of you sharing how you date yourself.
    I would never have thought to go through the entire thing we go through to get ready to go on a date with a man we REALLY want to be with.
    I would never, never have thought of playing both parts.
    You are so creative and genuine.
    I feel agreement, you should have your own reality tv series! “Alias Girl to goddess, a journey”.
    I feel hungry for filet mignon cooked medium to medium rare with a baked potato with sour cream and a salad with bleu cheese dressing and a glass of cabernet sauvignon , and cheesecake with strawberries or cherries with a cup of coffee. Ha!
    I feel doubt that I can pull this off. I feel a little bit of confidence. I feel stifled. I feel annoyed that I feel scared of what people will think if I walk into a nice restaurant by myself for a dinner by myself. I feel triggered that men can do that and are welcomed but women have to think twice about it. Especially in the evening. I feel resolved to get over it somehow.
    I want to buy myself flowers for my date with myself.
    I’ll get a bottle of wine, too.
    I’ll take a long bath with a glass of the wine that I sent ahead to myself! Haha!!
    I’ll play Mozart while I bathe and get ready.
    I’ll have my legs perfectly shaved, give myself a facial and use a clay mask to make sure my pores are fine. I’ll have my hair fluffy and wild and wear –wait a minute– let me go see what I– oh– no I’ll wear my dark blue lace top that I never wear because it’s cut too low. ooooh, i’m really starting to feel this date now. And wear my push up bra that I never wear either. hehe. I feel silly and good. whewhave to stop for a minute. I’m not used to this…….. overloading myslef!
    I’ll make sure my hair is streaked really blonde, teeth pearly white, maybe I’ll get my first spray tan—Linda said with her makeover she has a tan, that sounds good. I’ll use coconut oil after the bath so my skin is soft to touch and look at. I’ll have my nails done, feet soft, and wear the retro art deco crystal dangly earrings I have that are soooo beautiful on that I have never worn.
    I feel intrigued by playing the boy part in this date too. I feel doubtful that I can pull both of them off. I feel inspired to try.
    I feel a boundary someone else set for me being broken.

  43.  #43Tracy on October 5, 2009 at 11:39 pm

    I have been feeling very emotional lately….whenever something nice happens i feel like crying and i feel like a small child who has received a really beautiful gift….
    I feel vulnerable…as though i am open to the whole world…it feels great and today i feel happy for no apparent reason…..It feels good to feel joy and happiness just where i am….Rori puts it so well and i feel it right now….
    This is a really great tool to work on….it feels great to experiment!yay….

  44.  #44janjune on October 5, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    I feel encouraged and happy for you that you are receiving beautiful gifts from the world and are happy for no apparent reason.

  45.  #45alias girl on October 5, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    janjune i feel miraculous reading about your date! i feel in awe of all the yummy details and i feel so good just reading it. i could visulaize it. hhhmmmmm i feel inspired! thank you!

    yes tv show for alias girl! hah! i feel supported!

    tracy i feel similar sometimes. sometimes the beauty of life just touches me and washes over me like a wave. kindness of others also touches me deeply.

    mmm thank you.

  46.  #46Flipper on October 6, 2009 at 3:35 am

    Mary Ann – it felt validating to read your appreciation of my comment about circular-dating helping men to prepare for being better partners. I don’t want this to be my primary focus – before, I would’ve latched onto this idea as a motivator and then hope to reap the eventual benefits for myself on the side, doing my duty to make a better world. Nos, it’s practicing with people, strengthening and filling myself, that’s my goal – the Universe helps those who help themselves.

    Yet, even though I also feel that’s it’s the absolute truth, I still always feel annoyed when I hear how when we give, help, teach, it so often becomes overfunctioning . (I feel like protesting , screaming ‘how do you think this species survived!!?! – but I know that’s to cover up the Nasty Voices wanting to beat me up about getting it ‘wrong’). I thought/learned/felt that generously, selflessly ‘doing for’ was my role, and in a sense it partly is, but not at all in the way I practiced it. My intuition had already told me that something was off with my giving, to the point that I’ve simply renounced giving presents to the people in my family, near or far – I never felt I got it right, cuz nobody, me or the receiver, seemed to feel good about it. At first I thought I felt guilty, but I actually feel much more at peace this way.

    So how can I give/help/teach? I feel driven in that sense – I believe most women are hardwired for that. By being the best me I can be, by offering to expose my vulnerability and share myself with those I love who respect and cherish me, and then allowing them to partake (in a manner that suits their needs without jeopardizing me) or Not. I.e., by opening my riches to them but not giving them away, and never obliging them to receive.

  47.  #47Tracy on October 6, 2009 at 5:00 am

    Thanks for the thumbs up…i feel appreciated…thank you…
    I feel that i am really starting to feel myself…i feel weird but really happy….I feel excited and it feels like something really good overflowing from inside of me…
    I have my bad days…trust me….but right now feels like heaven…and i feel amazed that it has nothing to do with a guy…I feel that i am in a good place and a safe place…i feel blessed…

    Yeah….i can resonate with that….i feel that i am really starting to enjoy myself and get in touch with the real me…i feel progress and it feels great…I feel the same for everyone else…

  48.  #48Uschi on October 6, 2009 at 10:56 am

    what your wrote here is so profound – I have to say it again – WHAT YOU WROTE HERE IS SO PROFOUND – and it’s really not so much what you wrote but what I felt when I read it –
    “Now what? Okay, I turn my head to my man. I look in his eyes. I see blue like the sky. I look at the hairs poking a bit out of his chin. I look at his ear. All of a sudden I reach out and touch his cheek. Oooooh I feel. Stubbly I think. I remember smiling, the rest I forget.”

    I have been in the exact same situation before being in his arms, looking at him seeing those things, feeling his beard. And then I turned away to do my work in the house or answered the phone or whatever ————
    and there was the beginning of that feeling of just letting go, being female and melting into him and then I think I stopped it cause I was afraid of the feelings. It has to happen again for me to really figure out why I stopped it – I believe it was the intensity too – I was not prepared to deal with the intense feelings that may have come up. I am not sure if I can completely deal with them now however I feel more aware of what might happen and therefore I believe I am better prepared to just melt into it.

    Now, knowing that we should only worry about ourselvs and what we feel – is there a possibility that he may feel a similar thing emotionally – men have emotions like we do they just process them differently if not just stuff them down (cause that’s how men have been brought up – be strong – don’t cry – be a man) or so I believe – so, if a situation comes up like this there is an energy exchange between the two ppl and we women are more aware of this because we are naturally more in touch with our emotions – is there something we can say in a situation like this to bring the awareness of that emotion out in a man so he can be more in touch with it too – even though I am very much aware of ME and get into me and the present – how can we get him to follow us there?

  49.  #49gina on October 6, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    I’m finding myself scared of the exquisite, and also of the mundane. Like the other night I was having dinner with my parents and another couple. The guy ordered flan, and when he got down to the last bite, he was loudly scraping his plate clean, and then he dropped the flan on the table before it reached his mouth. It made me shudder to think that if my parents and I hadn’t been there, it would’ve been just the two of them, and he woulda been scraping and spilling while she just sat there. I don’t know why it fills me with such dread to imagine being the scraper or the sitter in that scenario.

  50.  #50Soignée on October 6, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    I feel sad and I am crying. Because I am afraid of starting a new relationship with a guy I like. But I am afraid. Because I thing always of the past relationship and that it gave me so much pain. I do not want to suffer so much. I am sure I could maybe fall in love with him but I am really afraid. I am sad sad and sad.

  51.  #51Linda on October 6, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    I feel numb today. My thoughts keep gravitating to what I dont have but long for.

    I read the posts here. Simply Shannon… I feel exactly what you feel right now. The men in my rotation leave me flat, and numb… they are uninteresting and I am not attracted in the least really. I found what I was looking for earlier this year. He just wowed my socks off and then all his issues came out. I spend the evening with one of my circular date men last night. The more I am around him the colder I get. …. he is not a fit for me. He has a charm about him but, he has smaller kids, and a not great relationship with his ex. All I hear about… ugh. I want an uncomplicated life with my man and I being the main focus.

    You know what, my dog… my little doxie would not even get near him… he is very friendly and likes everyone…. that was the deciding factor for me. Dogs are a great judge of character really lol….. I told my doggie… when I went to bed. I know buddy, dont worry he wont be around anymore. LOL

    Even with all his issues the last guy fit in so many ways… sigh Sheesh I have met and gone out with a dozen so far this year. He is the only one out of all of them that I wanted to be with. sigh…

    I am to tired and numb to write… maybe more later sirens. I am going to take a nap. I dont even want to look a my emails from my online dating thing. I have no energy…..


  52.  #52Flipper on October 6, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    Soignée – I feel supportive. Sometimes other feelings can be behind the sadness. If you look and find them, especially if there’s anger, sink into all those feelings till they start to change and you feel a little better. Then they’ll help you feel more powerful and energetic to start an adventure with someone new.

    Linda – I feel supportive of you, too. So many big, powerful, emotionally-charged events and changes for you recently. Maybe it’s time to rest a little, snuggle down like your little pooch and just BE awhile.


  53.  #53alias girl on October 6, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    my boy proclaims emphatically, “I will not be outgirled!”

  54.  #54janjune on October 6, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    yes, a very un-sensual man…

  55.  #55janjune on October 6, 2009 at 6:11 pm

    i feel sorrow reading your post.
    in Rori’s mantra Tool, the first part of the mantra is “Trust Your Boundaries”.
    trusting ourselves to take care of ourselves.
    Being the caretakers of our OWN selves within a relationship.
    Stepping up for ourselves.
    With family, friends, coworkers and with our men.
    yes, stepping up to protect ourSELVES.
    we can do it.

  56.  #56janjune on October 6, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    alias girl-
    your comment:
    “my boy proclaims emphatically,“I will not be outgirled!” ”
    ….something”s afoot in Alias Girlland!
    What’s going on?!

  57.  #57Linda on October 6, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    Thank you Flipper. I do just need to BE a while. Good words at the right time.

    I feel a bit better. I just woke from a looonnng nap. I think I am taking a cold too. Dern it!

    When do the quality of men improve?… Somebody remind me this too will pass.


  58.  #58Simply Shannon on October 6, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    Linda: Gosh do I feel the same!! Yes, someone remind us that this too shall pass! I feel exhausted by all of this circular dating right now. I’m taking a break from it. 😉 I’m hanging out with my girlfriend tomorrow, have a 1st date on Thursday with ‘Vulnerable Man’ and then going to the beach with 10 of my other girlfriends this weekend. I need some girl time just to relax and let my hair down. Hopefully I’ll come back feeling refreshed again. I keep wondering if I’m pushing myself too hard. I feel tense and exhausted. It’s time to just be me, without all this dating mumbo-jumbo for awhile. It feels like I’m caught up in it. Yes, I know it’s free therapy but accepting dates all the time from guys who don’t spark me feels like work. I feel okay taking a break and dating me. And I feel even better making the decision to cut down the number of dates with men and to release ones I don’t want back to the universe. It’s too much right now. I’m already having to push some of my guys out to next week and after. It’s getting ridiculous. I feel egotistical saying that but seriously… there are only so many days in a week. And there’s only ONE me.

    Off to bed myself and hoping to wake up feeling refreshed. My twin boys turned three today, and I’ve been working hard getting their party together. It was super fun and worth every second but man I feel exhausted! Good night Siren Island. Shannon

  59.  #59Chaudemaman on October 6, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    Good evening to all the beautiful ladies here,
    I feel blah, overwhelmed and iffy. Mostly about work but I feel it will all come together in time. I have been practicing the tools with the men on staff and it has been amazing at how they are responding so positively. In spite of my feelings of blahdom I am still dressing to the nines and wearing my heels and looking fine. So I am still taking care of me. (I feel all rambling and random… what am I try to say?)
    I am having difficulty sinking into my feelings. Maybe because I am a teacher and a single mom? Don’t make time to feel? hmmmmmmmm
    Or I could be burned out from my 3 dates this past weekend… lol. I am feeling confused. I like them all. (I am feeling blessed with 6 men in my dating rotation. I am feeling overwhelmed with 6 men in my dating rotation. I am in like with the 6 men in my dating rotation. How long before I have to let someone go… or will they eventually just fade away into the woodwork?)
    One potential suitor has excused himself from the scene and I felt relieved and disappointed. He is quite handsome, smart and has a lot of the same values as me but he did not like that I had to squeeze in my dates on the weekends when I don’t have my son. Such is the life of a single mom… His loss.
    I think I have to take myself out on a date this week. Impress myself like alias girl and do it up right.
    I feel a bit better and clearer. Thank you for hearing me out.

  60.  #60alias girl on October 6, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    i just gave my number to someone waaaaaaaaaaayyyy far from my “type”. yes! i! am! a! rockstar!

  61.  #61alias girl on October 6, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    linda the quality of men improved for me and for others so why not for you to? so i say Yes!

    janjune. my comment was in regards to my longing for my ex who I WILL NOT BE OUTGIRLED BY. 🙂 and i just thought it was funny that my boy would make it into a competition. heehee

  62.  #62Tina on October 6, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    Warm and Fuzzy came right up to me and put his arm around my shoulders. He complimented me on my gorgeous hair, I said thank you for noticing. I invited him to touch my hair, while looking into his eyes, um the five seconds thing. I turned my body completeing towards his direction until we were standing face to face, I stepped back with one foot behind the other and let him talk , I said oh, ah, yes, ok, I asked him one or two direct questions then I said I have to go now and walked off. weeeeee! he looked away then back during our five second look. I got a date for sunday haha. I got a date for next week to go on a hunting trip then im off to the other side of the country . This one guy told me he’s been seperated for 3 months and gave me the 10 second look im not sure what how to feel about that, he will approach me and ask me to go out for coffee or something I just know it.

  63.  #63Tina on October 6, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    Warm and fuzzy did talk about his relationship , he said it wasnt going anywhere. I didnt ask , he just told me. I didnt realize how tall he stood until I was next to him. He’s ten years younger , im 43. He said I noticed your hair was really catching the light. I put a nice hair oil in before I left my house. I was going to offer him a smell of my hair but that would have been going to far lol.

  64.  #64Tina on October 6, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    while i was looking at him, I felt curious about kissing his lips but we were in a public place with lots of people around.

  65.  #65Daria on October 6, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    I went on a short date today. It felt nice. Date said would you drive me back I got a ride. I said No I don’t want to do that. I gave hima weird look.

    He started a convo about it later. He said even if you were my gilr later you wouldn’t give me a ride? I thought about it. I said. No that wouldnt work for me. He said why

    I said: I like a man that can take care of himself and that can take care of me too.

    He looked and pointed at me nodding. LIke THAT was a good answer.

    HIs teeth are messed up LOL so he cant really talk perfect but I still like him. Yay.

    He got me yummy food and the spot was cute.

    Last nite I DROVE to a bar I wanted to check out and met a man there. I danced with him. I LOVED THE BAR. The man was cool. I felt taken care of. He LOVED me. I felt good but not sexually attracted although he is interesting and handsome. I feel glad to have found out a great MONDAY NITE bar.

    I got invited to be part of this dating coach’s workshop Hrystian Atanasov. He does like this deep communication workshop with exercises where I like will be staring at a man in the eyes for a FULL HOUR.

    I wanted to take part but didn’t want to pay, even for transportation. I was feeling kinda stressed about money. So somehow it’s meant to be because I will be going for free, staying at a “friend’s” wink house and Hrystian himself will be giving me a ride to LA. Yay. SO I can go. Yay.

    Oh. I have a new client too! Woo hoo.

    Today my mom picked on me and I felt bad i raised my voice. Then when I got home she apologized. Then my dad yelled at me for spending money “when I’m not making any” on buying the family organic strawberries. And my mom stood up for me. That felt good. Then I felt free to chop it up with my mom and tell her about yesterday and today. Yay. My mom is being supportive of me.! yay.

    The strawberries are So good.

    I have freakin beautiful new clothes and shoes i got on discount.

    I would like messed up teeth guy to get his teeth fixed when he has the money, even though I’m still attracted to him.

    Thank you!

  66.  #66Tracy on October 6, 2009 at 11:10 pm

    i always remind myself that every man i meet has a message for me…a good message to help me discover more about myself…..I have had that fear of meeting a guy falling in love and actually realizing that he was my dream man…yet its the very same thing that i really want…
    I don’t remember who mentioned it but i totally agree with the idea that the fear stems out from something else deep within…maybe fear of intimacy and for me….it was really the lack of faith that i really do deserve a good relationship….so for me these men help to remind me that i am beautiful and i am special and i deserve something great!…..
    I stopped circular dating for a while….and i felt the limiting feeling start to creep up again….not that i should always be meeting new guys all the time but i have finally understood the essence of always looking at life from the point of view that there are options and there are men out there….and i only have to decide what i want and have faith in it….I am learning that i get to make the choice of what i want in my life…the man i want and the life i want….its easier said and done….trust me…but i feel that its a really good place to start…

  67.  #67Tracy on October 6, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    6 men on rotation sounds great………….u go girl…..Yeah i know the feeling that everything is going too fast and there isn’t enough time….I felt that for a while and cut on some guyz and started dating myself and just flirting with guyz around me….My esteem feels much better and i am feeling more confidence in myself and my life….
    I am learning that everything takes patience and i am taking my time getting to know new men and getting to know me……I feel that with time….the right man will step up above the rest….

    Alias Girl…..
    You go gal……i feel inspired with your progress….I am still working on getting to a place where i can look at every man as a messenger coming from a good place with a potential to make me feel good about myself….but I’ve started smiling at strangers more often and connecting with people i am not fully acquainted with…from a curious point of view…i always feel much better when this happens…it feels like i am connecting with myself…

  68.  #68janjune on October 6, 2009 at 11:23 pm

    i feel a heart connection with what you wrote to Soignee. Soignee, I hope you are feeling better now.
    Tracy in my situation this rang especially true:
    “the essence of always looking at life from the point of view that there are options and there are men out there….and i only have to decide what i want and have faith in it….”
    And yet we have to protect ourselves from giving our hearts away before we know we have the emotional connection that binds THEM to US, as Rori teaches.
    What you wrote was so true and so beautifully written…

  69.  #69alias girl on October 7, 2009 at 1:30 am

    i feel good to have romantic love. this is what i like to be in. i feel good to create this vibration within myself. so i feel good to really really get this going. this is what i like.

    it is all self created. in my belief.


    Soignée riffing helped me a great deal.

    simply shannon happy birthday to your boys. i feel good to hear you following your feelings and taking steps to take care of yourself.

    Chaudemaman i have not yet had Six men in my rotation at one time! we can switcheroo our lives for a minute or so and experience the other side. 🙂

    tina and nikita are going on dating Adventures. that feels so Big to me.

    thanks tracy! i feel supported and cheered!!! i feel good you are connecting with men at your own pace and enjoying the process.i feel in agreement that all i need do is decide what i want and then it can come to me quicker and of course i would recognize it. if i don’t know what i want then how will i recognize it? for me circular dating helps with this as well.

    daria i like what you said to that guy. i want that too. a guy who can take care of himself and me. is that too much to ask. (that sounds like a sarcastic question.i am asking it in seriousness.) i feel weird wanting that. like why can’t i take care of myself. i mean, though, i can. i have for my whole life. i want the man to take care of me in the masculine way and i can care for him in the feminine way. ok. so what exactly does that look like? i am going to see if an answer comes to me. but i am not going to think on it. i feel so done with thinking.

  70.  #70Tracy on October 7, 2009 at 3:13 am

    Janjune…..thank you….I feel happy with your response and i totally agree with Protecting our hearts until we find a man that values our feelings and love….


    I have been on and off on the circular dating but i am back now….and it feels great…..Lets see how it goes from here…it feels like a new come back….with a better me…

  71.  #71Tracy on October 7, 2009 at 3:37 am

    I have been reading a lot about the law of attraction and other laws that govern life….just for my own personal enlightenment…..I actually acquired most of the links from sirens here on this blog and i have learnt so much and i feel extremely blessed and stuff about my life is making sense now…
    I popped a question to my best friend recently about some of the stuff i have been reading and the answer she gave me amazed me…she was absolutely correct and the most interesting part is her life actually portrays her beliefs….I felt that she unconsciously already knew all these i have been trying to understand and it made sense to her…..for me its been months of researching and i felt a bit jealous….I wondered how i could have been hanging out with her all this time and yet she already knew the answers to stuff that was racking my brain…Her relationships and life clearly demonstrates that she understands and has faith in herself….
    I feel now that whatever reality i have is based on how i look at myself and the laws that govern life is no respecter to persons….its just the way it is…
    I feel glad that this blog has opened my eyes and life makes so much sense now and i personally thank Rori,Mercedes,Tinque and everyone else with a Blog that helps women learn and discover more about themselves….
    I realized that i was ignorant of how life really plays out…and unconsciously i was sabotaging my own life….and my own best friend is living the very principles i am learning at the moment and i now understand them…though previously i only wondered why she seems to have things right and i didn’t…..
    I only hope i can learn enough to help someone else and maybe contribute to another person’s happiness…

  72.  #72laughing goddess on October 7, 2009 at 7:42 am

    I feel so good right now. I feel so inspired after reading Rori’s post and comments from all of you lovely goddesses. It feels so good to see how we are all progressing and evolving into goddesses who know our own worth.

    I feel sure of my own worth. I feel loving and appreciative towards myself. I love all parts of me, even the shadow sides. I feel so much love for myself.

    I feel excited as I start a new day.

    I also feel a bit weird about something. I feel hopeful that someone can offer some reflection or feedback about what is going on with this. I feel weird that I often find myself thinking about V, who is a woman J has been seeing. I feel weird about the attraction/repulsion feeling I have towards her. Why do I think of her so often? Why? Why is my energy directed outward instead of on me. I feel weird because it feels almost obsessive. Does this have something to do with my shadow? or enemy image? Does anyone have feedback on this?

  73.  #73laughing goddess on October 7, 2009 at 8:10 am

    I truly believe that we create our own reality. I have experienced some transcendent moments where I could see very clearly that whatever I focus on, I am bringing into manifestation.

    So…..that is why I feel very weird when I find myself focusing on this woman. I don’t feel like I want to create more of her in my experience. I feel good about looking at this from a spiritual perspective. I feel good when I realize that ultimately we really are all connected and all one.

    So…a little history…J and I had a love affair developing, but I felt very scared. I felt sooooo attracted to him and that felt very scary. I felt uncomfortable in intimate moments where he would really focus his energy on me. Then I had to leave for a family emergency. I was gone for a few months and in the meantime, he started seeing this woman. He and I remained friends and also started working together. Seeing them together was very hard for me. I felt abandoned that he started seeing someone while I was gone. I also felt understanding why he would because I was feeling so overwhelmed by the attraction and unable to be present with him.

    Also, this woman and I have had serious tensions between the two of us.

    But I can see how I have learned so much from observing their relationship. I feel intrigued when I see how he reacts to her giving him girl energy vs. boy energy. I feel hopeful when I see that he responds in exactly the way that Rori describes. I feel curious because I can see that she has kept his attention by circular dating but that she also pushes him away with her boy energy.

    In fact, right now he and I have been working intensely on this project for about a week now and he has told her that he doesn’t want her coming over for a while. She was coming over and trying to help, but as he said, it’s more work than help because she tries to be more of a man than he is. I feel happy that I am able to work with him in a girl energy type of way. I feel very proud of myself for that.

    Anyway, I am wondering if the message here that I am getting from the two of them is an understanding and a demonstration of how to attract a man. They are a living example of what works and doesn’t. I feel weird that I have to look outside of myself to see it but I also feel accepting and grateful that I am getting the message. Maybe once I accept the message, I can stop thinking of her…stop obsessing.

    I dunno….what do you all think?

  74.  #74janjune on October 7, 2009 at 8:11 am

    i felt smily and “Yes!”-nodding when i read you bought the organic strawberries.

  75.  #75laughing goddess on October 7, 2009 at 8:38 am

    I feel yes, yes, yes…this is the message from them. Now that I get it, I feel free…like I can go from being a bystander, observing their relationship to creating my own.

    I get the message.


  76.  #76janjune on October 7, 2009 at 8:56 am

    laughing goddess-
    i feel delighted that the world is giving you a visual of how boy/girl energy works. i feel amused that you can now incorporate this into your working relationship with J.

  77.  #77janjune on October 7, 2009 at 8:59 am

    …and even more delighted now reading your post that you can go out and create you OWN relationship!

  78.  #78laughing goddess on October 7, 2009 at 9:33 am

    Awwwwww Janjune, I feel touched by your support. 🙂

  79.  #79janjune on October 7, 2009 at 9:58 am

    i feel open.
    I feel swept out somewhat, i feel room for new to take place . i feel open to possibilities i feel open to adventures i feel open to men i don’t know WOWZA, where did that come from? i hate having to meet new men i feel closed to new men i dont like new men i dont want new men. i feel enjoyment of flirting with men i don’t know. i feel relishment of flirting with new men i don’t know. i feel worthy of their attention. i feel honored by their attention. i feel girly by their attention.
    i feel drained by their demands to keep them entertained. i feel exhausted by their wanting someone to make them happy. i feel certainty that i have been with the wrong men. i feel putting myself out, out there, outside of ME, to accommodate men who want, expect a woman to make them happy instead of being responsible for being happy for themselves. i feel awareness of the difference. i feel opening to men who do not require that of a woman. i feel good about meeting them. i feel turned on. wooooohoo. i feel desirous of men who don’t need a woman to make them happy, take care of things, look out for them, always put them first, babysit them, entertain them. eeeeeewww, poo. i feel excited about being goddessey. i feel undesirous of the attention of men who will clobber my goddess self. I feel turning away from them. I feel unattention toward them. i feel my energy coming back to me from them. i feel me not giving my energy to men who do not value it. will not nuture it with me, who have no use for it because they are not prepared to be with a goddess woman. i feel less draining. I feel more energy staying with me. I feel more protected. I feel less scared. I feel less incompetent. I feel more competent. I feel more like me. i feel more relxed. I feel more confident. I feel more energy. I feel a bubble around me where my energy does not just GO. Out. It stops at the bubble and I can decide if it goes any father than the boundary of the bubble and I can decide if anyone eles’s energy comes in the bubble. ohmygosh! ohmygosh! i have a boundary! an energetic boundary. I feel safer. I feel safer. I feel much safer. I feel happy to know that I can let in who I want and keep out who I don’t want who drains me!

  80.  #80Tracy on October 7, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Laughing Goddess,
    I am glad you get to experience the boy/girl energy at work….I feel its a great opportunity to learn and experience the difference and improve on one self…
    I have also gone through the concentration of my energy on another person…my ex..girl and it would drive me nuts wondering about all kinds of ways she was better than me…bla bla bla…its taken time but i am learning to focus my attention on other things….I like your way of just wondering instead of blocking the thought…..resistance i have seen doesn’t help much…you go girl…

  81.  #81Tracy on October 7, 2009 at 10:08 am

    My ex made a comment today to the effect that i am he’s friend and so he was in capacity to tell me anything that was on his mind…I have often felt lucky when men called me their friends and many have but today i felt icky….I felt turned off by him and i felt as though i was his small sister and he was trying to make me feel better and not hurt my feelings….i did not feel in any way feminine and i wanted to just run….I don’t feel that i want to ever hear him call me his friend again….and not because i don’t want friendship no……i believe that all relationships should be built on friendship but with what we’ve gone through….calling me a friend feels degrading….i am not his friend…at the very least i don’t feel that way…..
    I don’t even have male friends….close male friends that i sleep with….so why would he be one…he’s not…
    At least i have established that.its amazing how i allowed the friends with benefit thing to go on for so long.What was i thinking?.i feel bad for neglecting my own feelings and i wonder why i feel so strongly about them now as opposed to then…i wonder what has really changed in me…..it feels settled for me and now i am off on a date to enjoy some nice music…Hugs everyone i feel much better…

  82.  #82janjune on October 7, 2009 at 10:48 am

    have fun on your music date tracy!

    i feel acquiring of a new piece of brain today.
    i feel acknowledgement of the knowledge of the “takey-energy” of a man who sees a goodess, would like to have a goddess, wants to be seen by other men with a goddess….but just doesn’t know how to belove a goddess.
    with my goddess forays through the grocery store, home improvement store, bank, mall, etc, i feel the attention of so many men who recognize a women who is in Girl mode. It’s universal if they have a sensibility toward women. A woman who feels good about herself. A woman who isn’t looking for validation from them. Who validated herself already, thank you very much, And now if you are so lucky you may get included in a glance, a smile or a nod. But maybe not, she’s busy thinking her own thoughts, planning her own dreams, making her own world happen the way she wants it to. Not busy, busy, frantically trying to keep all the plates up in the air at one time,…. just headed for what she wants, knowing it will be there when she arrives.
    the improtant thing for me today though is the energy not being drained by people who have no intention of giving anything. or by me feeling chemistry with someone who really does not feel it back but is enjoying the benefits and rewards of me trying to barter away my own energy and “doing” for them in exchange for their affection. Doesn’t work.
    For them: Yes why not take it. She seems to want to get rid of it so badly!
    No good.
    Back, back, back back backtakeit back. It’s mine. Use it for ME.
    Thanku Rori.


  83.  #83Mercedes on October 7, 2009 at 10:56 am

    Tracy: Thank you so much for the comment about my blog. Originally, that blog started out as therapy for me. I wanted to write my story and remember it all and relish in all I have learned. When I started posting about my “rules” (I know lots of you hate that word, but its the one I chose to use, so it is the one I use still), that’s when I started really seeing how my story affected others. I too follow lots of blogs and am very, very thankful as well for all the lovely women out here on the web helping themselves and helping each other.

    I have done a lot of work (research) as well on The Secret and the law of attraction. For the most part, I believe everything they say. I don’t follow it explicitly…but then again, there are not many things I do which are step by step exactly the way they want me to do it…but I do get a lot out of it. The main difference (and they address this in the book) for me, is that I change the word “Universe” to “God”…at that point…ask and ye shall receive is actually something I’ve believed all my life…I’m just now REALLY starting to believe, REALLY starting to ask and REALLY starting to receive.

    Anyway…I loved your comment!

    Much Love,

  84.  #84gina on October 7, 2009 at 11:03 am

    I feel like sharing something Johnny said on the phone the other night. We were talking about the weirdness of the last time we saw each other (3 WEEKS AGO!!! we are finally hanging out tonight) and after I shared my carefully considered point of view he said that he has learned to “follow the energy” – basically he wasn’t feeling the energy that night, so he didn’t think too much about it. Man, that must be nice!!! I felt defensive about having given it all so much thought. I told him that I realized that I behaved unconsciously and that there was a blind spot, so I wanted to identify what had triggered me. He still seemed convinced that i had thought too much about it. Cant argue there, and not really interested in playing it “cool” as if I didn’t think about it. I do defensively want to add that it had less to do with HIM and more to do with the lesson that I wanted to learn for myself. However, I don’t like that it is so easy for him to redirect his attention! But I guess it wouldn’t be too hard for me to feel turned off by a guy dealing with his own blind spot. sheesh, this feels vulnerable in a not so good way.

  85.  #85janjune on October 7, 2009 at 11:19 am

    I feel awed that johnny can redirect his attention at will!
    I feel happy that you will get to make another night with him for yourself to remember.

    I feel resistance toward new men.
    I want the old one.
    I don’t want to put my lips on lips that may not call tomorrow.
    I dont want to put my lips on lips that just wants a kiss and not a kiss from ME.
    I don’t want to put my lips on lips that i don’t know where they’ve been.
    I don’t want arms that feel strange.
    I don’t want a body I don’t know.
    I don’t want to go through the puzzle of a man’s psyche.
    I want the familiar.
    I want the safe.
    I want what I know.
    I dont want adventure.
    I dont want , yes, I do. I want adventure.
    I feel adventuresome. I feel competent.
    I don’t want to be put on the back shelf.
    I don’t want to be boring someone.
    I don’t want to be what he settled for.
    I don’t want to feel less than.
    I don’t want to feel embarrassed and scrunched down.

  86.  #86Nikita on October 7, 2009 at 11:43 am

    I hate inspector gadget! I hate him I hate him I hate him.

  87.  #87janjune on October 7, 2009 at 11:49 am

    i feel like creating my date with my new man.
    Here is my creation:
    I feel respect.
    I feel honor.
    I feel admiration. From him to me.
    I feel sparkly, open.
    I feel goddessey.
    I feel safe. From me to him.
    I feel his barely touching the small of my back to direct me and make me feel safe and cared for and let me know he is watching, leading the way even though I am going first, he is right there watching, his arms are close if anything should happen. He is with ME and wants to be.
    I feel him smiling as he enjoys the goddessness of a goddessy female. I feel him not wanting to take away from the goddesseyness.
    I feel him not wanting to add to it either.
    I feel him enjoying what it is, and not wanting to change any of it at all. He doesnt want more or less than what i am giving. he isn’t perplexed by it, he knows that what he is “supposed” to do with it is let it BE.
    He doesn’t try to control it. He doesn’t try to get rid of it. he doesn’t try to pump it up to get more, he doesn’t try to squash it, override it, silence it, insult it, test it, joke about it, be more comfortable with it, analyze it, talk about it, draw attention to it, envy it.
    He just smiles and enjoys what he recognizes is in front of him.
    I feel arm around the back. I feel great enjoyment coming from him. I feel him masculine. I feel him feeling magically masculine in himself. I feel him not wanting more from me. I feel him knowing spiritually that sex is easy to get, this is hard to find.
    I feel him wanting this and choosing this.
    I feel him wanting adventure.
    I feel him wanting emotional connection with a pure, trustworthy female. I feel him being mature. I feel him being experienced with women. We both know sex. We both know outrageous sex, now we want to explore this. this is more important to both of us now.
    there is my date, my new man to explore with, i’m so excited. Im looking for him in the crowd.

  88.  #88Simply Shannon on October 7, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    Oh no Nikita! I felt surprised reading your post. Aren’t you visiting him now? I feel worried.

    I feel punishing of myself. I don’t want to wallow in my pain/anger. I’ve felt it enough, haven’t I? I feel stalkerish towards A. I’m checking his web page (and what I’m seeing is not inspiring me). Why do I care? CRAP. I would like some inspiration please God. I would like a man just to intrigue me enough to remind me that this is possible. I believe it somewhere deep in my heart but I would like a little reminder just for me. Please God. Please just a little something to give me hope, to inspire me to keep trying.

    I don’t want A back. I want some of the qualities that he had as a man but not all of the bad ones that would come along with him in particular. I also know that I no longer want to feel rejected and that’s what I’m feeling regarding A.

    It’s interesting to me that God is sending me these men that I’m basically turning away. Interesting because it’s like God wants me to practice rejecting so that I don’t feel rejected when it happens to me. The message – let go of the ones you don’t want. Don’t be afraid to say no. Rejecting someone isn’t personal. Sometimes people just aren’t right for each other. It’s not personal. Wow. I didn’t realize that lesson until I just started writing it out. IT’S NOT PERSONAL. Wow.

    I just turned down a guy again today that I went out with on Saturday. I just didn’t feel any attraction. He asked me if I wanted to be friends with benefits. Ummm…no. I felt amused and annoyed that he even asked. He was a cute guy and would be a great catch for someone else. Just not for me.

    Wow. It’s not personal.

  89.  #89Simply Shannon on October 7, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    No, that’s not right. It is personal. It’s me that someone doesn’t want/like/love. Ah hell. I feel confused again. I do feel rejected and not enough. This ending with A has left me questioning everything yet again. I do believe I’m a good person. I’m cute, sexy, strong, funny, responsible, adventurous. A pretty good catch. So why, dear Sirens, am I alone? That’s the part I don’t get. I feel confused.

  90.  #90janjune on October 7, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    i feel embarrassed to be riffing in spurts rather than one long riff. i feel uncool. I feel silly. I feel laughter and I feel accepting of my uncool spurty riffing.
    i don’t want to share my bed with a man who takes away from my goddess energy.
    i don’t want to share my bed, the place that i refresh and revitalize my goddess energy, with a man who doesn’t value it.
    i don’t want to share my body with a man who is using it for entertainiment while he waits and watches for the woman of his dreams.
    i don’t want a man inside of my body who is there other than to connect with me. Because he sees who *I* am and wants to connect with ME and WANTS my connection back to him.
    i dont want to let men *test drive* my body. My spirit. My personality. Hoping they’ll decide to keep me.
    I don’t want disconnected men.
    I don’t want neanderthal men.
    I don’t want unsensual men.
    I don’t want girly men.
    I don’t want pouting men.
    I don’t want self-indulgent men.
    I don’t want mamma’s boys.
    I don’t want peter pans.
    I don’t want posers.
    I don’t want hollow men.
    I don’t want arrogant ignorant men.
    I don’t want men who rely on their money, looks, success, education.
    I want a man who is aware of HIS value as a person, too. Who is confident in HIS ability to succeed even if the chips are down. Who views *things* a tools, not as his purpose for life.
    I feel desirous of a man who has experienced fulfilling his own desires.
    I feel desirous of a man who views having an emotional connection with a goddessey woman as a must have.

  91.  #91alias girl on October 7, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    nikita i feel supportive. riffing tends to help get me back to balanced and clarity. xoxoxoxoxoxo

    i feel strength. i feel loving. i feel SUPPORTIVE.

  92.  #92Nikita on October 7, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    Ok, he’s okay but I feel like going home-I told him I wanted to see Boston and cambridge but now he doesn’t feel like it :/
    WTF ? Feels incongruent….,.what to do what to do????

  93.  #93alias girl on October 7, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    feeling messages

    i feel let bummed. i was looking forward to it.

    (if he just wants to lie around maybe ask if he minds if you check out the areas yourself? and invite him to come along. ask him where is best to go etc.)

    feeling messages. let him muddle his way and LEAD you.

    if this isn’t your last trip to see him then it is no big deal if you don’t do Everything this time.

    feeling messages. listen. be surprised.


  94.  #94Nikita on October 7, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    Simply Shannon,

    Thanks, I am visiting. In cape cod, it’s beautiful-sex is good but…..ugh-I miss my ex. Gadget hasn’t even opened the car door for me:( he feeds me lobster but I’d rather have a cheeseburger if chivalry comes with it.

    AG, thx-feeling supportive is good. I feel like screaming ; be a man!!!!!!!!

    How can I outgirl him. He’s mr perfect but I’m feeling a major metrosexual vibe:(

    Ugh ……

  95.  #95janjune on October 7, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    i dont want men who view a goddessey woman as taking away from them.

  96.  #96Nikita on October 7, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    Ok AG, but the truth is I wanted to take classes at Harvard and he knows that but I want to see the campus……I expressed that before coming….I feel unseen and not respected and undervalued…..maybe I’ll riff out when we get home….he says it’s all about me…but I feel it’s all about him him him!!!!!

  97.  #97alias girl on October 7, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    i feel so good. ah. ah. ah. i feel good that i am able to bring in money. in the past i stayed at my old job because i had felt stuck and so i let myself put up with yuck because i felt like i had no other options.

    i feel different and better Now. i feel like things are happening and i have a good attitude and am very capable and excited and WITH OPTIONS.

    a goddess Must have Options. at least my goddess self must have options in order to remain goddessey.

    same with dating. options feel empowering to me.

  98.  #98tinque on October 7, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    Hey Nikita – You can always come and hang with us. We’re driving up to visit my dad and his wife on Saturday.

  99.  #99Simply Shannon on October 7, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    Nikita: I would feel disappointed if we weren’t doing what was originally planned but I might feel excited if he planned something else. Otherwise I’d feel bored if we were just sitting around. And possibly feel manipulated if his “plan” is to hang around the house and have sex instead of taking me out to see his world. I dunno. Has he made alternate plans for the two of you to do something fun? I agree with Alias Girl. I would want to be surprised but I would probably express my boredom or disappoint me if we weren’t doing anything.

  100.  #100janjune on October 7, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    i dont want a man who competes with me to be a goddess.
    i dont want a man who is puzzled by goddess behavior.
    i dont want a man whose mother taught him to be the goddess while she did all the work.
    i dont want a man who interrupts goddess naps.
    i dont want a man who doesn’t listen,
    i dont want a man who doesnt care.
    i dont want a man who would rather be someplace else.
    i dont want a man who isnt interested in participating in perpetuating the goddessness of the goddess.
    I don’t want a man who wants to be a goddess.
    I don’t want a man who is jealous of a goddess.

    goddess janjune

  101.  #101alias girl on October 7, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    maybe you can go by yourself. maybe he can show you how to get there etc.

    feeling messages?

    i feel unseen.
    i feel duped.
    i feel squashed.
    i feel angry.
    i feel suspicious.
    i feel unheard.
    i feel uncared for.
    i feel angry.
    i feel smushed

    i don’t really want to leave this trip without having visited harvard like we had discussed previously. i feel confused why the plans changed. i feel not taken into consideration.

    i feel like kicking you in the gut.

  102.  #102alias girl on October 7, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    once a guy came to pick me up and he just sat there so i stood by the car door and he said what are you waiting for.

    i said, i was waiting for you to open the door. (rori mentioned this somewhere)

    so then he picks up on that and we get to the restaurant and he was going to pull me chair out and i forgot my goddess self and pulled it out before he got a chance. (we are both learning from each other) he said, oh i was going to get your chair for you.

    and then later i had forgotten my purse and i stayed in the car and he went in and got it for me.


  103.  #103janjune on October 7, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    i feel resolve to be the woman who does NOT attract the guys *I don’t want* anymore.
    I feel resolute that I will learn to communicate with my energy and body without a word being spoken that I am not the one they want.
    I feel hopeful that the same energy and body will communicate the opposite message to men I do want.
    I feel sure it will.

  104.  #104gina on October 7, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    Janjune, I would love to hear what you DO want to attract!

  105.  #105alias girl on October 7, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    thank you for keeping my vibration in alignment with what i want

    to be pursued
    manliness from a man
    call as first contact
    manly men
    did i mention manly

    thank you

    romance. fun. celebration. fun. good sex. laughing. aligned values. aligned vibrations. both parties connected to their higher source energy. flourihshing. authenticity. genuine caring.

    thank you.

    thanks much.

  106.  #106janjune on October 7, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    So would I !!
    I haven’t gotten there yet! heehee. But it’s gonna be good!
    I don’t think I’m done riffing about what I don’t want yet. Can you believe it?! I’m ready to go again.
    I don’t want a man who doesn’t know the value of organic strawberries (no offense to your Dad Dari,a I think he’s just worried about money)
    I don’t want a man who doesn’t know the value of a saw and a hammer and a wrench and doesn’t know what to do with them.
    I don’t want a man who isn’t turned on and tuned in to his own self enough to know to *drench* himself in goddess energy,
    I don’t want a man who isn’t aware that goddess energy is lifegiving for him.
    i don’t want a man who see goddesses as frivolous.
    I don’t want a man who sees goddesses as unnecessary,
    I dont want a man who sees goddesses as optional.
    i don’t want a man who can live without a goddess.

    i don’t want a man who wants to use a goddess as a friend or a f*ck buddy or a marker or a “score”.

  107.  #107Tina on October 7, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    I feel resistant again, I feel as I am doing to much, my traveling date is calling me every night and it’s beginning to bother me lol. I told him I how I was feeling. The conversation started, he asked me how I was feeling, I started to express how I was feeling, he then cut me off and said “I’ll call you when your in a bettter mood” that just made it worse for me. I avoided him for a few days, he avoided calling me , which was a relief. When he did finally call, he said he thought a few days of his not calling me would “trigger” feelings of missing him, I laughed, I felt curious about this and further said, I feel manipulated, he asked why , I said because you chose not to call me in hopes of “triggering” feelings of missing you, he said well did you miss me, I said no, I didnt , I felt relief that you didnt call me and relaxed, I could breathe finally. Oh, he said.
    He asked me if I still “liked” him. I didnt reply , only saying something about, I’ll see how I feel when I get off the plane and asked if he was still picking me up or did I have to take a taxi into the city, he said he would pick me up , he said the plan was still the same even though I’m feeling annoyed by his phone calls. He has called me and left 7 messages on my phone just in one day. I reminded him of the “no sex” thing, he was fine with that. The rooms are booked , its all still a go. I bought the ticket with the money he sent me lol, My next thought, what crazy guy would send money to a woman he never met lol. I feel trust worthy , he should thank his god lol. I asked him about this, he said that he realized that I could have gone on a shopping spree with the cash but that was his risk. I expressed how I felt about who was taking RISKS here. He’s convinced Im the “one’ lol. I feel amused by this.

    Im going on a hunting/dating trip with date #2. I went out with him before , this is our third date. This time we are spending a night in his camp far off in the woods lol. I feel trapped already. He understands the word No , so I feel this wont be a problem. I have to practice saying no lol. I

    Date #3 wants to meet in a “discreet” place lol. He picked the most undiscreet place to have dinner lol. He said he noticed me around while he was dating someone else,well he was engaged to her. oh check this out Sirens, he said that my body language was open to him and he at times felt that I wanted to speak to him. I dont ever remember seeing him. I mention that because of the Tools, I must be making an impression. It’s proof that it works. or it could be just a line…

    I feel curious about what he thinks about my body language, this is why I agreed to go out to dinner with him. He called me to ask me if he could call me lol. He got my phone number from a mutual aquaintance.

    I feel resistance going on these dates, I’m not sure why. Im going to take a guess and say that I feel resistance because I its not normal for me. My attitude is “they want something from me” its an old attitude , one Im struggling with. I feel anger because its so predictable. He wont like me, he’ll go away, am I being nice enough all the things Rori mentions. I feel anger at myself if I dont “put out” on some way, they will leave blah. Whether its sex, talking, listening, cooking, doing, whatever, I “think” they want or need. I feel overwhelmed and resistant. Protecting my bounderies, is a a big deal for me. kinda like Terrance’s cat only with three dogs lol instead of the one and a few others sitting in the background waiting to “play” with me.

  108.  #108Nikita on October 7, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    Still here but…..well, he says we are going to Cambridge tomorrow …….I still miss my ex tho…

  109.  #109Nikita on October 7, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    Aaaw Tinque!
    Thank you!, I’ll be in NY sat 🙁
    But that wouldve felt awesome!

    AG, I used I feel unseen, unheard, and undervalued and not taken into consideration. I brought up feeling masculine too-and the door thing, wish I had read your response earlier and tried standing by the door…..strange he used to open it in NY.
    He did offer to let me take his car to Boston…..we shall see.

  110.  #110Nikita on October 7, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    Simply Shannon,

    He did make other plans and we had yummy lobster but, I’ve said no to three trips with him (beach/warm/south stuff) I said yes bcuz I’ve never been to Boston …..so tho he isn’t locking me in the house…..I don’t feel good about changed plans…

  111.  #111Uschi on October 7, 2009 at 5:23 pm

    don’t let that one guy go if you like him so much try to figure something out about his issues maybe the tools will work on those. I have received several invites to dates while Dave is gone and taken two dinner invites and used the tools as best as I could but that’s all those guys were good for – to try those tools – other than that they were good for nothing – I didn’t like them they were just so ———— yuck.

    yea I wish I could send you pics – if you really want some I cant take pics of those items and send it to you just contact me per my email and put dresses in subject line MystiqueULH@aol.com – not sure when the next big affair is if at all but there will be reasons for me to wear those dresses and if I have to come up with a white tie affair myself LOL – after all I live near DC.
    There is a big Thanksgiving Ball each year the day after Thanksgiving and my former boss did all the flowers for it usually over a 100 table arrangements + corsages lapel flowers stage arrangements etc etc usually over 13-14k order, then I brought the customer to my next job and I was to get 10% commission and I never got it and I didn’t get the customer back either and I am still pissed at that little b***** that bought the store and screwed me on my commission. I hope that some day I get that customer back after all she knows Dave and his boss and my work.
    Feeling very lonely without Dave here good thing my dog and cats are here to keep me company and of course I am working with Rori’s tools.

  112.  #112janjune on October 7, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    I want a man who is confident not out in the world but here with me.
    I want a man who is sensitive but not about himself.
    I want a man who recognizes that I’m the one he wants by my comfort with my own body, with my own spirit, with my own thoughts and proceeds accordingly.
    I want a man who values connection over conquest.
    I want a man who finds accomplishment pale in comparison to true love.
    I want a man who knows how to draw strength from my strengths.
    I want a man who knows he’s doing it and doesn’t use me up.
    I want a man who knows he is the protector and takes the job on naturally.
    I want a man who loves our physical differences but realizes we’re the same inside.
    I want a man whose heart and mind are refreshed being in the presence of a feminine woman.

  113.  #113janjune on October 7, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    weeeell, now i go back to read this before bed and it doesn’t sound right.
    I WANT a man that’s confident out in the world but ALSO confident when he’s with just me…confident of himself, confident of me, confident of having the right stuff.
    I want a man who finds accomplishment pale in comparison to true love but loves his accomplisments, too and can’t live without them.
    I want a man who knows how to draw strength from my strengths and drench himself in my goddess energy, the goddess mist from my Fountain of Love.
    I want a man who loves our physical differences but realizes we’re the same inside in that we both want to be seen for who we really are and experience the love of another.
    This feels hard to do. I’ve never really thought about what I wanted, truthfully, in conjunction with thinking I could have it. it didn’t seem to matter. i was such a pushover for the chemistry “thang”, that was just what relationships were for me. (I’d like to know why.)
    ….That took me to nowhere i want to stay.
    I’ feel so thankful to have found Rori’s website and blog and materials.
    I do see how it’s having the RELATIONSHIP I want that will be fulfilling and NOT being with THIS particular man or THAT one. although when i was with the one I have such chemistry with it didn’t seem that way.
    I feel the chemistry will build and be there even if it’s not there in the beginning if a man is genuine about stepping up and doing the job. If he wants a goddess, is prepared emotionally and mentally for a goddess and persists, I could see that being a prescription for heavy chemistry.
    Well, if anybody besides me is stillup, g’night.

  114.  #114janjune on October 7, 2009 at 11:41 pm

    omg ohmygosh ohmyGOSH had to reboot the computer to record that it isn’t I don’t want a man that…. or I WANT a man that…. it’s i don’t wnat a relationship that…. or i WANT a relationship that.
    Rori, you’re an emotional genius.
    THAT is within my control, controlling another human being is not.
    I just choose the RELATIONSHIP I want, if that’s what I want what I have with men to be about.
    If I want it to be about sex or chemistry or looking good or money or mentorship or WHATever, I can, but if I want it to be about relationship then I can have that too and this is how it worked for Rori!
    That is so much easier to deal with!!
    I feel relief. I feel expansion. I feel liking of men. I feel unafraid of flirting big time. I feel stupendous, light and fluttery. I feel possibilities. I feel comfort. I feel safety.
    I feel looking forward to a new day.
    Thanku Rori. I love Siren Island.

  115.  #115alias girl on October 8, 2009 at 12:26 am

    thank you janejune. i feel excited with you.

    rori is emotional genius. i feel in agreement. i feel amazed sometimes. like how did she learn this?

    relationship i want is fun and accepting and easy going and romantic and sexy and with some adventure. and easy going though is key for me. well all those things i mentioned are key for me.

    so the guy i gave my # to yesterday texted me today. i didn’t Feel like responding to a text. so i didn’t. later he called. then i called him back. he said i texted you did you get my text.?

    rgh. i didn’t know how to explain. i just said i wasn’t inspired to return a text.

    he said something about excuses.


    i don’t feel that excited about this guy att all. he said do i want to meet for coffee tonight. i said not tonight. he said then tomorrow. i said either tomorrow or sunday. he said sunday is good.

    but then never gave me a time. so as far as i am concerned my sunday is still wide open and i have not committed to a date. what’s there to commit to? what? my entire sunday is on hold? no.

    i feel hopeful this gets cancelled. hehe. i feel amused. this guys is Not well funded.

    here’s the thing. I Know I am going to make money somehow. so i need a guy that even if he’s not making money he at least knows how to hustle and has a desire for making money. me personally this is what i feel good about. i don’t want a man who is making very little money and is settled into that. is resigned to that. i feel a difference in vibration between us.

  116.  #116janjune on October 8, 2009 at 2:29 am

    i can’t sleep. my mind is so busy processing.

    THANKU Alias Girl, i feel your support and the encouragement in your words. riffing leaves me feeling vulnerable to people’s interpretations of where my head is at and yet I really don’t care. Riffing is a Tool I would never have dreamed of, couldn’t imagine being able to do and was astonished by what came out!
    I’ve read some of your earlier riffing and really felt an emotional connection to what you were saying. Daria’s held me spellbound over and over again. You VERY often were saying what I would have said if I could have found words for my feelings. There is much healing for people reading your riffing. Genuine. Embracing it all. Working *THROUGH* as Rori says, we’re working *through* and not staying the same anymore. You’re kind of at the head of the pack out there in front, you and Daria, really understanding the whole program best right now and working it on out.
    I read your post where you were worrying about your quirky hours and night owl habits. Men have them too! My exhusband did! I have them too like you and Uschi were talking I think. Anyway, couples work around those things. As you said, the man who you settle in with permanently or for awhile is going to know you well enough to know your creative side and LOVE it and encourage you in it, protect it and give you the space you need to grow. He will. He will love and respect that about you.

    I’m so excited about all the Rori Tools that have come to life for me in the past few days.
    Dropping energy into the pelvis;
    realizing i’m searching for the relationship i want, not the man i want;
    feeling I CAN have the relationship i want, can co-create it with a man who wants the same thing but not with every man who comes along, because not every man who comes along WANTS it!;
    learning to riff;
    learning how I never used the Walk Away Tool;
    learning from experience that men who want the kind of relationship I want now are TURNED OFF by women leaning forward even if they SAY they want it, encourage you to do it, and ask you for it….it still kills the excitement and romance for them and from what I’ve observed so far just turns you into *just another woman*, instead of him seeing you potentially as the woman of his dreams.
    I can respect that.
    I just want to concentrate on the ebook for a few days.
    I’ve been out of full-time work for awhile and due to caring for a family member who suffered a major injury. Once I get back to work FT I want to get all of Rori’s CD’s. I think Heart Connection first, Modern Siren next, Targeting Mr. Right next, then Blueprint for Committment. I hope I never need the Toxic Men program again, but should probably just go ahead and get it too in case my new man whose coming to me ever starts acting up! Ha!
    well, g’night again. I’m going to try to go to sleep again.

  117.  #117Chaudemaman on October 8, 2009 at 8:41 am

    I have to admit I was feeling uncomfortable about your riffing about what you didn’t want in a man. Then you switched to what you wanted in a man. But then when you said “wait it’s not about the man, it’s the relationship” (paraphrasing here). I felt relieved because I was interested in your riffing but I felt dissatisfied with it.
    I feel that this whole quest is to have the perfect relationship, not to find the perfect man. If we are looking for the perfect man I feel we will be looking forever, constantly upgrading to the new and improved version of what we have in front of us. Also I feel that if that was my quest I would be on guard the whole time wondering if I measured up to his perfectness. Alas I am not perfect, so how can I expect my man to be?
    So my quest is for two imperfect people to come together to create the perfect relationship.
    I feel happy and relieved that you have realized this too.
    I also had an epiphany this morning driving to work. In the past I usually got bored in the relationship and would go out and seek someone else before leaving the one I was in. My aha moment this morning was… I was tired of being the boy! These men weren’t bad men or horrid to me, not anything like that at all. But I was being the boy in the relationship and so they were being the girl… all I wanted was for them to be the boy! I wanted them to lead me, court me instead of me doing it. WOW!
    Gotta love those light bulb moments!
    As an aside here… how do I tell the men who I have gone on a few dates with that they just aren’t my cup of tea using goddessy language? Any help is much appreciated!
    Love you all! Chaudemaman

  118.  #118Nikita on October 8, 2009 at 9:01 am

    Good morning,

    I feel good that doors are being opened for me 🙂
    We had a chat…..I felt unwanted and walked away after, but then….I felt valued and heard.

    I don’t know but this free therapy…..feels expensive. My feelings are all over the place but I am carving out space for them, as they are non-negotiable. I feel firm :). Yay

  119.  #119janjune on October 8, 2009 at 1:52 pm

    thanks for your expressions Chaudemaman. I feel surprised that you didn’t just skip my riffing comments if they made you feel uncomfortable. I do that if Im not connecting with what someone is saying.
    I didn’t know where the riffing was going myself!! Ha! I think that’s the point. Just let it go………and riff *through*!!!!
    This is a brilliant Tool Rori. Thanku for sharing your Riffing Tool with the goddesses on Siren Island.
    love, janjune

  120.  #120Chaudemaman on October 8, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    I feel now looking at my post that I was cold in choosing my words. I feel dismayed that I didn’t catch it before I submitted it.
    I feel that I learn from whatever someone has to say even though I may not agree. As for your riffing it wasn’t until I internalized and mulled it over did I feel that something was amiss.
    But the most important thing is that you have discovered it as well.
    hugs all around, chaudemaman

  121.  #121Linda on October 8, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    Hi Goddesses!

    Janune… your riffing is fabulous. Reading your posts is like having venom sucked out of me. I have been reading and re reading them. It makes me aware of how much control I have.. emotional connection, andrelationship is what I want with lots of yummy intimacy…. I have more work to do on me.

    Simply Shannon… girl you are I are on the same wave right now. There is a song I have been listenting to…the words in the chorus are, ” girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song… you go ahead let your hair down, saphire and faded jeans, you know just what I mean… you go ahead let your hair down!… Carry that into your dates…. be that girl all the time. No pressure just be you.

    Uschi… I did use the tools. I did what I could. He has issues he has to work on. I have not let go but I am in no contact mode. I can not allow that toxic behavior in my life anymore soooo until I have clear indication that he has gotten himself together… I remain still. I never closed the door, just waiting for the man to “man up” and if that does not happen to my satisfaction then I keep moving. He signed an email. Your friend… my energy is out of there… my heart feels a positive shift in things between us…. even without contact. It is weird things I cant really explain. I am waiting and watching and practicing in the meantime.

    There are things in me that need fine tuning and yet others that I still need an overhaul in. Its all good. I am going out tomorrow with a repeat circular date. I am just going to have fun and be me. Practice and just being who I am is such good therapy.

    Alias Girl…. your one line in your I feel post…. “I feel like kicking you in the gut”…….. I had a great belly laugh over that one.

    You girls all help me get in touch with me in a more real way. and again Janjune… your lists are simply inspiring!….. a woman after my own heart!


  122.  #122Uschi on October 8, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    I am puzzled the word riffing – I tried to look it up but couldn’t find a reference to it – what does it mean?

  123.  #123Daria on October 8, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    Uschi – Go to the Power and Self Esteem section on the side bar. Start with the oldest post and go through each of them. That’s where Riffing is described.

  124.  #124Uschi on October 9, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    thanks I found it 🙂 and btw got some more achievements in wow since we last talked about it – this game is really so cool – hope you consider taking it up.

  125.  #125Daria on October 9, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    Uschi I also got recommended the game Dragonica. Have you heard of it? it’s supposed to be similar but with more jumping around action too a la Mario, which I like

  126.  #126Uschi on October 10, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    Daria there is no comparison between WOW and Mario Brothers or any other Nintendo game, WoW is very involved and has a really big story line. There are at least 3000 + quests. You have so many different characters and two sides Alliance and horde and each has several races human, elf dwarf gnomes, then classes – hunter, warlock, mage, paladin, warrior, shaman, rogue each can have 2 main and 3 secondary professions each with their own achievements – then achievements for the different dungeons, holidays etc etc etc etc you really would have to write me an email to MystiqueULH@aol.com for me to tell you more about it. I don’t want to take up Rori’s site to explain all this to you – but trust me this game is awesome – my daughter turned me on to it and at fist I figured yea what the heck and now I love the game, been playing it almost a year now – give it a try you can download it for free from blizzard.com and get a 10 day free trial after that it’s like 12 bucks a month – rather cheap entertainment when you consider the price for going to see a movie. If you try go to Mok’Nathal realm and you can contact me there under Mystiquelady. I am an officer in my guild and we have over 250 guild members and quite a few lvl 80’s and started raiding, but have enough lower lvl’s to help with quests and dungeons etc.
    Email me and I can tell you more.

    Meanwhile I have come to the part in Rori’s book about vulnerability and I am having a hard time with just trying to lay down on the bed and doing what she describes. I am having a hard time to empty my mind and “feel” the air or the sun – I just feel I am laying in the bed totally relaxed. No feelings come up – nutting nada, zilch, zero – no textures, smells (unless I burn a candle or use a room spray), and only hear the every day sounds- matter of fact I fell asleep. Taking that a step further by imagining having a man there (like she said in the e-book – movie star, BF, LI or whoever) I have no problem with that – I can vividly imagine how he would touch me look at me stroke me – in my imagination I can feel his skin etc etc etc. – that’s when I also realized that when we did make love so long ago (hasn’t happened in a while) that I was hiding – I call it hiding for the lack of another word for it – always self conscious about my body (after all I am 55 and don’t look like 20 anymore especially after 3 kids) or my regular cotton underwear, or the pimple in my butt or whatever else I thought was not perfect at the time. Of course that does not come up in my fantasy cause there I am perfect – ha ha – and as in the fantasizing about how I would like for things to be and then try to get in touch with that and implement it in real life when the situation arises that is the hard part – cause reality just does not cooperate with the fantasy and to get reality to bend is yet another thing.
    Reading Rori’s book I find myself remapping me and also see, looking over past incidents or arguments, where I have been wrong, said the wrong things, defended myself instead of expressing and/or communicating with feeling messages or saying no.
    I have also found that it is difficult to turn past behavior around in a day or too and I know I am still making those mistakes – old shoes worn well and still comfortable – I find it difficult to just wear that new pair of shoes and braking them in – getting to feel comfortable with the new ways.
    Being alone here at the moment I am looking over the past and maybe I shouldn’t be doing that but find that that for the moment it is the only way to compare and see where I went wrong to hopefully do it the new way when he gets back. I feel that being apart for a while, we will be able to get some distance from what was and have like a new starting point when he gets back. I am hoping I am going to be ready to implement Rori’s tools more confidently than before switching from one day to the next, having had the time and piece and quiet to really look it over and take it in and at least try to give it a chance to settle into my stubborn brain and make them part of me ;-). I feel positive 🙂

  127.  #127Costumes on October 30, 2009 at 1:33 am

    I’ve recently started a blog, the information you provide on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.

  128.  #128Heather on November 7, 2009 at 11:29 am

    Well I have to say that Rori these tools really work! Since “J” has asked to take a break and in the meantime I have been circular dating, working on my emotional issues, working with your program things have started to happen. I left a message on my messenger about finding a new job(which I didn’t do to get his attention) He started to IM me and asking what was going on. I stayed cool(I am the tree, the ocean, the air). He said that he wants me to continue to do what I am doing. He just seems more attentive all of a sudden and I always leave the chat first. I want to buy all of your programs lol. Thanks Rori I will keep you and everyone updated on my progress.


  129.  #129Dorthie on December 31, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    OH MY!!!! I think there’s a mirror infront of me. WOW!!! I guess this is a bookmark! Thanks Rori!

  130.  #130Dorthie on December 31, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    F86! I can’t believe I did this. S*F*D* I skipped what I know know to be a CD…to planning, now, into walking down to our 2 bar town ‘crier’ bar, (which, btw, knew that cougarboy would be at. We made eye contact and i ‘intellectually, DISCUSSED MOTORS AND TRUCKS! I feel;ole a complete IDIOT!!! I even when so far as to buy a pack of cigarettes of his flavor….just incase he needed a pack as the only place in town was closed for the holiday. UGH! I feel like a walked on piece of sh%^…..and that is not HIM that is walking on me. IT IS ME THAT IS WALKING ON ME!!!!! sigh. I feel so disrespected….by ME!!!! I tried using what little I know about Sirens (given that I can’t get the ebook until next month) to project confidence. I just couldn’t ‘get there.’ I wish I would have gone out on my CD instead of faking a headache. …..OK…..breathe, dorthie, breathe….. My head is such a mess…..It’s like my life is a figment of my imagine it would be. ….I need to start ‘imagining’ better things about me…..I need to care for myself and my immediate surroundings….I Thought I was a Cougar ….somehow possessing this young stud…well beneath my standards…or so I thought. Ok….he was just another messenger. Turns out I was just another ‘pussy’ in the neighborhood. I feel like I have degraded myself and it hurts. It’s almost 10 pm on New Years Eve. I home. alone. hurting. it sucks. I need to have better thoughts about my life.

  131.  #131Dorthie on December 31, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    I am truly embarrassed by my actions tonight. yukky.

  132.  #132Dorthie on December 31, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    USCHI….yeah….there myself at this moment. : ) : / : ( ?

  133.  #133Dorthie on December 31, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Holy cra&%@! I can’t believe I actually wrote this. I think Im getting the hang of this, now. sigh. ok…that was my moment of ‘security.’ time to go back into another moment of ‘insecurity.’ Here comes the roller coaster.

    You said

    That sounds really good to me. If I need to be ‘rescued’ that is something I normally do myself. ….sometimes, I get tired of having to do that….other times it feels good to be able to look after myself in a way nobody else can. Everyone has to have their own identity to be able to function in a two-some. Some days I am farrrr too serious….other days, I am not serious enough. But , that’s ok for me. If it’s not ‘ok’ for you, then you need to tell me…I am sensitive to others feelings and thoughts, but, .I am NOT a mind reader.If I ask questions and you don’t respond, I don’t know what is going on. AND….we all change moment to moment. Moods and circumstances change….ALL THE TIME! ….for EVERYONE!…….We all have ‘our moods.’ The thing IS is to be able to learn/understand the moods of your significant other. I guess that’s my philosophy and I stickin’ to it. If we can get to know each other with that in mind, than we can see how this evolves.

    As for the New Year, I hope this is a good one/better one, for everyone….Everywhere!!!

    I like this song. Peace, Dorthie 2 seconds ago