Stop The Fight Before It Starts And Get The Cherishing You Want Without Caving In, Playing Nice, Or Stuffing What You Need Under The Rug

By Rori Raye | May 17, 2024

If you’re experiencing anything like this, read on for answers you can use right away:

You know he doesn’t mean to be mean, but it sure feels bad.

All you want to talk about is making your relationship better, but he takes it as a personal insult.

Instead of hearing you, even a little, he quickly defends himself, and then immediately accuses you of being needy, picky, or over-emotional.

You know he’s just taking everything personally, and you’re trying so hard to be nice and gentle, but the way he throws things back at you makes you feel like you’re the one who’s all wrong.

And before you know it – you’re fighting.

Even if you’re not a fighter… You can’t help but defend yourself when he’s saying things you know aren’t true!

If this is your story, I so get it.

The simple truth of your situation might be that your man just isn’t able, in that moment, to control himself. He might not even hear himself saying what he’s saying, not be aware of what he’s doing.

He for sure isn’t able to “step back” for a second and see how what he’s saying is hurting you.

Yes, he’s wounded. His pride is hurt. And he makes you feel bad for even questioning him.

The thing is, this story – and your situation – is not about a bad guy!

He’s not trying to hurt you. He doesn’t really want to be petty and small and reactive.

But he is because he doesn’t know any other way to communicate.

And he doesn’t know any other way to react to your genuine and right requests for improvement in how things go between you.

But fights are happening all the time. They just do.

It feels like a cycle that can never be fixed.

It feels like you’re back in school, with a bully, or somebody who just doesn’t get anything.

Fighting is really icky. It’s ugly and soul destroying, and it makes you feel like you don’t know how to communicate.

But it’s not your fault – and there’s a solution! A Siren solution.

You have to be the one to go first.

You have to be the one to stop the fight before it happens and to start the conversation when he doesn’t know how.

And, it’s fair and reasonable for you to ask me: But why? Why do I have to be the one?

My answer is: It’s because you’re a Siren, and you know many things he doesn’t.

This may seem like a very complex process that takes you years and years to figure out, but you could really learn how to stop a fight before it starts (without going cold or hiding your feelings) – in just a few days!

The trick is to learn the Siren Tool, and practice it with someone who knows how to do it!

The Siren Island Course & Community is set up to help you with this in the most affordable way, only $33 a month, where you’ll get help from brilliant, professional, Siren School coaches – and me!

You’ll get immediate access to live classes, videos, exclusive Guides and Tools, with Master Coach Teachers coaching and “Scripting” you in classes every week, helping you with immediate problems, and filling up your emotional tank with support and Tools to make a difference in your love (and work!) life – right away.

Once you start finding what it is you really Want – even when you feel triggered by a man’s behavior – everything changes. You won’t be a slave to your old “triggers” anymore.

Yes, I’m asking you to be the one to open a new door and step through it first – but the rewards are so fast and incredible!

You’ll get to find out what your man is actually capable of.

You’ll get to find out if a man 3 months into dating is just putting on a good show, or if he’s really capable of not being so instantly defensive and accusatory.

Imagine what it would be like if you were able to tell him what’s really bothering you – and he didn’t fire back at you!

If he actually just stood there and heard you…

If, instead of stepping away from you, he stepped toward you…

If he actually asked you a question rather than defended himself.

Feminine Energy is about the truth. And, yes, you can handle the truth.

On Siren Island, your story will be appreciated and honored. 

The magical trick here is to switch your focus:

To stop what we normally do, which is to focus on what isn’t going well: the anger you feel, the disappointment, the feeling of being hit with a brick and being disoriented by a man’s words and actions.

That stuff is hard. It’s not fun, it completely changes your state of being and throws you into “the pits” – yet:

If you switch your focus into what you actually WANT from him – on the deepest level – on what would make you feel happy, on the end goal you Want: love, affection, attention, connection, thrills, juiciness…all that good stuff…and can SAY that to a man in words he can hear, like:

“I feel good when I feel close to you, and I want to feel that great feeling I have when we’re connected and talking…how can we get there…?” (Yes, a lot of “feel” words – but they WORK!!!)

…That’s when everything changes, he wakes up, he feels like he knows what to do, and…bingo…he figures it out.

Talking about those things are foreign to most of us. Nobody ever taught us how, because everybody’s always skipping around the outside of things. Everyone’s always hinting and not being straightforward.

On Siren Island, you feeling authentically you, and in your Feminine Energy, are the keys to everything…

Join us in the Siren Island Course & Community for just a month, at $33, if it feels like a gamble!
Take the gamble, and see how much of your love life gets changed in just that one month!

If you sign up before Monday at 11am US Central time, you’ll get a Siren Island ticket to my monthly live Masterclass/Workshop, where I film my podcast/videocast, address your most difficult situations, and answer questions after the filming stops!

This Monday, I’ll be tackling Stopping A Fight Before It Starts, lay the solution out for you in steps, and answer questions about anything else you’re curious or concerned about right now.

Hope to see you there on Monday, here’s the link:

Love, Rori

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The 2 Secrets To Being A Successful Feminine Energy Coach – And How To Do Them – Video

By Rori Raye | March 1, 2024

Hi, this is Rori Raye. And what are the things you need to know and the things you need to do in order to be a successful coach right now when it feels like the field is so crowded and that everybody’s talking about being a coach, that everybody’s marketing and everybody’s scrambling?

What is it?

So we could break this down into two parts, and they’re really simple.

The first part is Skills. Not just the skills somebody else thinks you have, but the skills that you believe you have. Do you feel good when somebody comes to you for a conversation? Or just talking to somebody… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

What To Do When He Shuts Down – And Doesn’t Sleep In The Same Bed With You

By Rori Raye | February 25, 2024

The Question:

“Rori, I’m in a relationship and my partner has shut down, he sleeps in the other bedroom. What do I do? J”

The Answer From Natalina Love:

Dear “J”, Hi, This is Natalina Love. I’m Rori’s Siren School Director and one of the Feminine Energy Workshop hosts. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing so much pain in your relationship, I really get how awful it feels when someone you adore starts shutting down and even taking more space away…

Since you’re both still under the same roof it sounds like – that’s one thing that is still working.

You may know how Rori often talks about the ‘lean back’ and how this creates space for a man, even an avoidant or shut down man to feel compelled to lean in… To start moving toward us. Where the… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

How To Reconnect With Him – Video

By Rori Raye | February 19, 2024

Let’s talk about reconnecting with men.

This is such a phenomenal topic because when you start getting into all of the different Feminine Energy practices, where it’s all about “do nothing, lean back, feel your feelings, express yourself…”

When a man goes unresponsive or he withdraws, it can feel like a very scary experience of, well, how, how do I, how do I engage?

How do I bring him back?

The Transcript!:

If I’m not doing – I don’t want to screw this up. That’s another way that we all double down on ourselves is. Thinking that we can screw any of this up, when in reality, there are so many ways that men will fall back into our life, and then we’re starting from the ground up again.

Are, you know, are we, are we really expressing ourselves? Are we really feeling our feelings? Are we… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

Help For A Man! – From Natalina Love

By Rori Raye | February 10, 2024

The Question:

Yes – My wife simply doesn’t want to kiss, or be physically intimate for years – her go to is avoidance and “safe” distance behind her walls – while my love language is physical touch.

She gives affection to the dogs and kids, and attention to everything else (easy to have total control over those relationships) – but that risky personal vulnerability is something to be avoided and kept at arms distance. It didn’t start out that way but once we had the kids – little by little, more distance, less connection until we are verbally affectionate roommates hold hold hands and trade peck kisses without any passion at all.

At times it’s like living with a mannequin

The Answer From Natalina Love:

I’m glad you’re here asking these difficult questions, and I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this painful disconnection. I’d say you’ve hit the nail on the head here with your observation about vulnerability being something to be avoided.

That’s true for all of us.

Vulnerability is tough territory to navigate even when you’re committed completely to working through your stuff, have a personal coach and/or therapist and welcome the triggers as they show up.

Vulnerability its NOT easy yet still very work-with-able.

Alright, If you’re my private client I might ask you what happens with you when you experience her avoidance and the walls going up.

Do you also retreat, say something to draw attention to her unavailability, do you dig in deeper trying to help draw her out…

Notice what this is like for you, how this lands for you and we can continue to build space for more connection, safety, and intimacy to naturally unfold.

If you can be patient and shift your focus to the energy exchange in your home, in your relationship for even just the next two weeks, I’d expect significant shifts become apparent.

More ease. More smiling. Less defenseless, even just in the stance…

This can be a wonderful opportunity to court her and fall in love all over again.

We can all lose ourselves over time and we don’t have to stay lost, and it’s wonderful she’s got you reaching out to catch her when she’s ready.

Something else worth talking about, the need for touch and physical affection. How you’re getting your needs met.

Knowing you’re not starved, and not seeking solutions outside your marriage may be one of these touchy areas, I’ve trained brilliant coaches who specialize in intimacy and I’d be happy to introduce you if you’d like to explore private coaching, the idea is to gather resources.

Ways to keep you happy, keep space open for the rebuilding you both really want in your relationship.

I’ve had some of my own private clients take lotions, oils, self care items and really take care of themselves right there in the same room with their significant other and this may be too much so early on, again the idea is to get the ball rolling with ideas, inspiration, and create more space and the sense of safety where there’s no pressure for her to fill the need, where she’s not getting the vibe that you’re mad and blaming her, and I realize you may really be upset and hurting here, so not paving over what you feel either and finding ways to own up to everything you’re experience where over time (and more quickly than you’d think) you’ll naturally be able to invite her in and see bit by bit what’s going on for her, and build more pathways to what’s going on in her world, dreams, passions and bring the intimacy you want back and perhaps even better than it’s ever been before.

Love, Natalina

By Rori Raye | February 8, 2024

Here’s More Answers:

The Questions:

1. If men connect emotionally through sex, then why can they have sex and it just seems so meaningless to them and they feel zero commitment or responsibility to you afterwards?

2. So men connect with us through our emotions/feelings… but in the beginning stages, when they pull away and trigger my insecurity and abandonment fears, I’m not supposed to communicate that particular anger because it will put him off because it feels like pressure to him and it feels to him I’m… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

How To Feel The Power Of Your Feminine Energy – Rori Raye Feminine Energy History

By Rori Raye | January 26, 2024

He’s a truly great comment to the video on youtube, and my answer:

(be sure to subscribe to the channel so you can follow all these Feminine Energy “series” of videos on specific topics…!):

Comment: “Rori, I get it. Thank you. All this time I felt bad when I feel hurt. I thought something was wrong with me because I always thought I had to be strong…”

My Answer: – OMGosh! What an amazing thing to share!

For me, I now believe I had (still have, but so much more awareness makes a huge difference in so many ways, tho it does NOT change the sensitivity and feelings…) such an overload combination of fear that I would not survive if people found out how “not nice” I truly was, actual embarrassment about it (like I was somehow showing my “dirty”, “unnatural”, self), and then anger about having all those feelings!…

…that my go-to is just a reaction of shut-down.

It’s taken me daily “noticing” to shift all of that….

Love to you, Rori

How To Encourage An Awkward Man To Make His Move – At Work!

By Rori Raye | January 22, 2024

The Question:

“Rori, I hope you are having a lovely day. I have signed up for your modern day siren program and it’s making me look at things from a different perspective. I have a question for your podcast: I’m in a situation where I am attracted to a co worker. I can tell that he likes me based on the way he acts around me, looks at me and… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

When He’s Not Listening To You, Do This…

By Rori Raye | January 16, 2024

Have you ever been so frustrated when you talk to a man about what you want and need…

…all of a sudden you find yourself arguing with him?

And then he’s dismissive or condescending?

Here’s the advice from a man, Jeffrey Mark Levine, my husband, an executive coach and my partner in the “Save Your Relationship” Masterclass on Sunday, January 21st at 11am PT, 1pm CT, 2pm ET, early evening Europe, and middle-of-the-night Australia->

From Jeffrey:

“Recently, a woman wrote to me about how each time she and her man got into a discussion about their relationship, families, work… he would become verbally abusive.

The conversation, if you could call it that, would deteriorate very quickly into a shouting match with both of them angry and resentful.

What made everything even worse were his attempts to make up with her afterwards.

He would pretend like nothing happened and try to lure her out on a date and even try to initiate sex.

When this happens, the natural response is to shut down.

I mean, yuck. Who wants to kiss someone who treats them badly?

When this happens, it feels totally reasonable to give him the silent treatment, or to lash out angrily – to pay him back for his inexcusable behavior.

The problem is, when you do this, you miss a golden opportunity to get heard, and to hopefully change his behavior.

Here’s a not-very-well-kept secret about us guys: after we behave badly, we’re predictable in this way: we know we messed up and we’re very poor at knowing how to fix it, so we’re open to hearing you.

And you, the woman, have a decision to make at this point.

The powerful choice is to express your feelings, your needs, and your frustrations, in a way that doesn’t blame or accuse him.

This may feel difficult or impossible to do, but it’s the KEY to changing his behavior.

Your other option is to react dramatically.

But know if you choose to lash out and treat him as badly as he’s treated you, you’ll compound the problem.

If you put your husband on the defensive, he will shut down – guaranteed.

The last thing I want to do here is excuse his bad and inexcusable behavior.

However, in those moments, you have a great opportunity.

In fact, you might not realize how much power you have.

We guys, after we act boorish, are often apologetic and try to make “nice nice.”

When this happens, that is your opening.

So, how do you get a man to hear you?

The formula is: Authenticity plus Timing minus Blame equals Effective Communication (A + T) – B = EC.

In other words, being completely honest and real about your feelings (not just acting them out), expressed at the right time (when he is open to hearing them), without blaming, judging or accusing him, will lead to Effective Communication.

That’s it.

It’s simple, but not always easy to do.

So how do you start? By using “I’ statements and avoiding all versions of “you” attached to a complaint.

Here’s an example.

>>>You might say something like: “Sweetheart, I really appreciate you wanting to take me out, but I still have some strong feelings about what happened earlier. Can we spend a few minutes talking about that?’

>>>If he expresses that he is willing to listen, make sure you stay away from accusing him of anything.

>>>You can say something like: “I feel frustrated and angry when we have those kinds of exchanges and I’m not exactly sure what to do about it.”

>>>Saying this expresses how you feel. It doesn’t put him on the defensive by blaming him – even though you think he deserves it.

In the “Save Your Relationship” Masterclass on Sunday, you’ll get help from Rori and I to know how to identify the actual problem – and then how to articulate it to him without blame and judgment.

This is a skill that you can learn, but it does take practice.

I understand the urge to lash out or to try to teach him a lesson.

However, if what you’re looking for is results – better communication, more closeness and a happier family life – the answer is to NOT give him the silent treatment, but instead to speak honestly and authentically, at the right time and without blame.

Sincerely, Jeffrey

From Rori: I really look forward to seeing you on Sunday in the Save Your Relationship Masterclass, and to introducing you to my husband Jeffrey Mark Levine. Hearing a man explain exactly how to approach another man in a totally new way that will make everything better, easier and more emotionally intimate is awesome (nearly everything I know and teach has been worked out, on my feet, in the moment, with Jeffrey…). Just go here to sign up:

Love, Rori

As A Coach, You Can Do So Much More For Someone Than You Think

By Rori Raye | January 15, 2024

You can do lots of things as a coach that might seem, right now, only in the “lane” of a long-experienced, long-schooled and degreed therapist.

Yes, and it’s pretty shocking and amazing when it happens.

Here’s a true story of a woman named Susan that I tell all the time…

Susan was a client I had super early in my career as a coach, and I felt completely overwhelmed and out of my league because she was so heavily into depression.

She’d been to so many therapists and had absolutely no luck, she was just at the bottom of the barrel emotionally.

I was really frightened about my abilities to help (and didn’t want to hurt!) – and just kept wanting to send her away to therapist.

But I started.  I did my best.

At that time, I was starting to use a lot of work around “vibration” from the work of “Seth”, from the book “Ask And It Is Given”, and also Byron Katie’s Work with “Is it true”…and Susan completely grabbed onto the “vibration” concept.

It was he first time she’d ever heard of it, and the first time she’d ever felt even a tiny bit in control of her emotional ups and downs (mostly downs).

Her depression literally disappeared.

Not only that, we’ve been in touch over the many years, and she’s STILL not feeling depressed!

In fact, she’s feeling good.

Her life is going well, and even when it doesn’t, she feels pretty darn good.

I think she would have felt better no matter what I did just because of the methodology I was using (which everyone learns and practices in Rori Raye Coach Training/RRCT), so the story is just that a coach can handle anything.

You can handle anything.

…And in RRCT, you’ll quickly feel the confidence to believe that you can handle any situation – even a situation you “think” may be way over your head.

If you’re feeling a bit internally teased (or bombarded!) with the feeling that being a professional coach (and getting paid to do what you naturally do…) might be for you – go here to watch a free webinar with cool new Tools you can use in your life, coach or not: 

Love, Rori

How To Know If You're His Woman - Or His Delivery Girl...

by Rori Raye  March 1, 2017

When was the last time you felt completely at ease with a man?

Where you felt totally secure in the knowledge that he loves you, totally sure he appreciates you, and feeling that cozy warmth inside because all your needs for love and romance are being met by him?

Or does that seem like a dream? A fantasy?

Here's a way to help that dream turn real - a way of looking at everything that shows up, no matter how your first reaction is to it:

The "It's Not About Me" Tool"

Julia wrote me:

"Dear Rori - when my boyfriend asks me to do stuff for him, I just feel so resentful. I (read more here...)