Stop The Fight Before It Starts And Get The Cherishing You Want Without Caving In, Playing Nice, Or Stuffing What You Need Under The Rug

By Rori Raye | May 17, 2024

If you’re experiencing anything like this, read on for answers you can use right away:

You know he doesn’t mean to be mean, but it sure feels bad.

All you want to talk about is making your relationship better, but he takes it as a personal insult.

Instead of hearing you, even a little, he quickly defends himself, and then immediately accuses you of being needy, picky, or over-emotional.

You know he’s just taking everything personally, and you’re trying so hard to be nice and gentle, but the way he throws things back at you makes you feel like you’re the one who’s all wrong.

And before you know it – you’re fighting.

Even if you’re not a fighter… You can’t help but defend yourself when he’s saying things you know aren’t true!

If this is your story, I so get it.

The simple truth of your situation might be that your man just isn’t able, in that moment, to control himself. He might not even hear himself saying what he’s saying, not be aware of what he’s doing.

He for sure isn’t able to “step back” for a second and see how what he’s saying is hurting you.

Yes, he’s wounded. His pride is hurt. And he makes you feel bad for even questioning him.

The thing is, this story – and your situation – is not about a bad guy!

He’s not trying to hurt you. He doesn’t really want to be petty and small and reactive.

But he is because he doesn’t know any other way to communicate.

And he doesn’t know any other way to react to your genuine and right requests for improvement in how things go between you.

But fights are happening all the time. They just do.

It feels like a cycle that can never be fixed.

It feels like you’re back in school, with a bully, or somebody who just doesn’t get anything.

Fighting is really icky. It’s ugly and soul destroying, and it makes you feel like you don’t know how to communicate.

But it’s not your fault – and there’s a solution! A Siren solution.

You have to be the one to go first.

You have to be the one to stop the fight before it happens and to start the conversation when he doesn’t know how.

And, it’s fair and reasonable for you to ask me: But why? Why do I have to be the one?

My answer is: It’s because you’re a Siren, and you know many things he doesn’t.

This may seem like a very complex process that takes you years and years to figure out, but you could really learn how to stop a fight before it starts (without going cold or hiding your feelings) – in just a few days!

The trick is to learn the Siren Tool, and practice it with someone who knows how to do it!

The Siren Island Course & Community is set up to help you with this in the most affordable way, only $33 a month, where you’ll get help from brilliant, professional, Siren School coaches – and me!

You’ll get immediate access to live classes, videos, exclusive Guides and Tools, with Master Coach Teachers coaching and “Scripting” you in classes every week, helping you with immediate problems, and filling up your emotional tank with support and Tools to make a difference in your love (and work!) life – right away.

Once you start finding what it is you really Want – even when you feel triggered by a man’s behavior – everything changes. You won’t be a slave to your old “triggers” anymore.

Yes, I’m asking you to be the one to open a new door and step through it first – but the rewards are so fast and incredible!

You’ll get to find out what your man is actually capable of.

You’ll get to find out if a man 3 months into dating is just putting on a good show, or if he’s really capable of not being so instantly defensive and accusatory.

Imagine what it would be like if you were able to tell him what’s really bothering you – and he didn’t fire back at you!

If he actually just stood there and heard you…

If, instead of stepping away from you, he stepped toward you…

If he actually asked you a question rather than defended himself.

Feminine Energy is about the truth. And, yes, you can handle the truth.

On Siren Island, your story will be appreciated and honored. 

The magical trick here is to switch your focus:

To stop what we normally do, which is to focus on what isn’t going well: the anger you feel, the disappointment, the feeling of being hit with a brick and being disoriented by a man’s words and actions.

That stuff is hard. It’s not fun, it completely changes your state of being and throws you into “the pits” – yet:

If you switch your focus into what you actually WANT from him – on the deepest level – on what would make you feel happy, on the end goal you Want: love, affection, attention, connection, thrills, juiciness…all that good stuff…and can SAY that to a man in words he can hear, like:

“I feel good when I feel close to you, and I want to feel that great feeling I have when we’re connected and talking…how can we get there…?” (Yes, a lot of “feel” words – but they WORK!!!)

…That’s when everything changes, he wakes up, he feels like he knows what to do, and…bingo…he figures it out.

Talking about those things are foreign to most of us. Nobody ever taught us how, because everybody’s always skipping around the outside of things. Everyone’s always hinting and not being straightforward.

On Siren Island, you feeling authentically you, and in your Feminine Energy, are the keys to everything…

Join us in the Siren Island Course & Community for just a month, at $33, if it feels like a gamble!
Take the gamble, and see how much of your love life gets changed in just that one month!

If you sign up before Monday at 11am US Central time, you’ll get a Siren Island ticket to my monthly live Masterclass/Workshop, where I film my podcast/videocast, address your most difficult situations, and answer questions after the filming stops!

This Monday, I’ll be tackling Stopping A Fight Before It Starts, lay the solution out for you in steps, and answer questions about anything else you’re curious or concerned about right now.

Hope to see you there on Monday, here’s the link:

Love, Rori

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PLUS "The 5 Steps Jane Took To Get Jim's Commitment" free guide - - all here on my "Private List"!

You Have Girl Power – Video!

By Rori Raye | December 12, 2023

I love the word “girl”.

I’m so sorry that women everywhere think it’s a derogatory name, a bad word, demeaning…and it isn’t if WE adopt it!!!!

So – let’s all be girls! It’s SO important to not let anyone out there “name” us, or “label” us.

It’s important for us to stick together.

Let’s go the “girl’s girl” route now, let’s recreate Feminism and being a Feminist as a great thing – as a Feminine Energy thing.

Let’s create something new!

If you’d like to get started living in your Feminine Energy in your life and your work, your business, your money-gathering arena, your running-things arena – download the Business Siren “Boss Babe” Masterclass here (It’ll teach you how to do EVERYTHING from your Feminine Energy!):


Love, Rori
Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

How To Stop A Sense Of Urgency From Wrecking Your Life! VideoCast!

By Rori Raye | December 1, 2023

What is normal attachment when we’re in a new relationship and it starts getting really exciting, but then he backs off a little bit. What’s normal? Because in all of these situations, our urgency is getting kicked up.

What should we do? What can we do?

Here’s the Video Transcript!:

What should we not do when we start getting an awareness of the, of the urgency that comes, that comes up here. So urgency and what, what can you expect and what can you do?


It’s not like, Oh, there’s a man now my urgency kicks in. No urgency and anxiety and the sense of rushing through and of having to get somewhere and of being late or missing something are all happening throughout our entire lives.

Every minute, including when we are sleeping. Oh. Darn right. You’re in your dreams and your nightmares will tell you that. Are you running from things constantly and you can’t find the phone? Or… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

Is He Amazing – But Can’t Love You Right?

By Rori Raye | November 17, 2023

Here’s a letter from Anne – who’s hung up on a man who’s not only acting like a “friend with benefits” – he’s got more POWER in the “relationship” than Anne because of their “doctor/patient” relationship:

*If you’re experiencing one Mr. Wrong after another, and finding yourself attracted to and attracting men who “seem great on paper”, or “look good” – but still don’t have the ability to truly love you and build a great relationship with you…come to the “Inner Boy” Masterclass this Saturday the 18th, and learn 5 Steps (plus great new Tools and Scripting) to “grow up” your Inner Boy so he can HELP you have the relationship you want instead of blocking you from love – here->

“Rori, I need help right away!

I’ve been dating the man of my dreams who I am totally in love with for almost a year. I did give John an “I love you,” about 2 weeks ago, then he told me he’s not a good guy to love, etc…

He won’t quit dating other girls till, “there’s no doubt in my mind that I’m in love…” He hasn’t been dating other girls much, except for a couple first dates… a glass of wine with 2 different girls who contacted him on No big deal.

He’s also been my chiropractor for 7 years. I went into his office for a late visit Wednesday, and I was dressed up nice for a date with another guy.

He asked me if I had date, and I told him I do… I could tell he felt uncomfortable, and he told me that if the date doesn’t go well, I should come over after. He texted me a few times while I was out at dinner.

Well I had a nice dinner and wine, but all I could think of was Matt! So I did go to his house after, and we always have the most amazing sex! I was telling him the next day that I’m looking for a boyfriend, and he told me that it’ll be a sad day for him when that happens.

Well, he hasn’t called me in over 2 days. I was on facebook very late last night and saw a comment on his page from a girl, saying “I believe I had a wonderful time with you tonight…” OMG!! I am totally freaking out…

I texted him at 3:30 in the morning cuz I couldn’t sleep and hadn’t heard from him in so long! All I said was, “I’m having a hard time.” He texted back a couple hours later to say, “OK. Talk to me.”

All I said was that I have had insomnia for 2 nights, and “it would feel good to talk to you whenever I see you again. I’m feeling burnt out on texting.” So he told me to take more calcium/magnesium, and we’d talk about it later.

He usually called every day, and we went out 2-3 nights a week, but lately it’s been down to maybe once a week. I really want to see him! But this girl seems amazing! His type of girl who has the same interests, and is highly educated and beautiful… She’s a teacher.

I didn’t mention that I’m a single mom of 3, an exotic dancer and a massage therapy student. So I am a little insecure about my job because of the judgments often made by others…

I do enjoy my work as a dancer, and am thankful that I spend so much time with my children because of it but I can not be proud and tell most people what I do.

I often get stuck saying that I sell jewelry because I did sell it for a while in the past.

I am freaking out and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him already so quickly!

Everything was so wonderful and he’s truly an amazing person!

Here’s my answer:

So what if a man is “great”? (I don’t happen to think this man is so great…but, okay, what if you’re right, he’s “great”?)

There are a lot of great men out there.  Celebrities we think of as “great”…fantastic men, some of them, no question about it.

And…so what?

And what if the man you’re crazy for, this great man, this “amazing man”, is your doctor?

If you’re a doctor too…maybe that would feel different – (and I hear that you’re on your way to doing that, as a massage therapist…) but mostly – male doctors wield an image of power.

He’s been handling your body and in charge of your physical health for 7 years, and you see him as “great” and “amazing”.

So, what you have here is a power problem.

He has power, you don’t.

Chemistry based on power is an electrified fence. You touch it, you burn.

And – let’s talk about this man – and his ABUSE of POWER.

His “take calcium” response to your cry for emotional help was about as cold a clue as you can get.

It’s sort of like saying “I love you” and having the man say back “I know.” Ouch. Pain. Hurt.

I have a very long story about my own hung-upness on a doctor of mine…and so I know how this goes.

I was a power junkie.

If I thought a man was great – for whatever made-up reason I made up – I was putty in his hands. I was a doormat – and a worshipping one at that.

But – you’d never know that.

You wouldn’t have guessed I was a doormat, because I was also secretive.

I didn’t talk about my crushes and my emotional attachments to a man.

I would be involved with a man, totally be “in love” with him, SEE the evidence that he considered himself a “friend with benefits” – or at most, a “for now sort of boyfriend…”

I could SEE that I was “temporary” for him – but I didn’t let on. I played cool.

I played along. I just played as though that was okay with me, that I could handle it.

It was me taking crumbs and not even complaining!!

It was me pretty much creating a new job description for love – the “willing crumb taker” job – that required pretending, play-acting, and what I thought looked like incredible inner strength but was really incredible tolerance for bad behavior – along with a huge dose of “fooling yourself.”

Basically – I had a good “story.” I sounded and looked confident – as though I had chosen this situation.

I was a hard nut to crack – and when I did crack, I really had to scramble to put myself back together.

Anne – this is going to be easier for you in some ways than it was for me, and in some ways harder.

First…just because you think he’s great doesn’t make that true.

Just because he helps you as a doctor doesn’t mean he knows what to do with your heart.

t doesn’t even mean he’s a good person.

In fact, anyone who is a doctor of something as holistic as chiropractic and doesn’t know that he’s damaging your health because he’s affecting your emotional self is not a very good doctor at all.

I see no scenario in which you can not be enraged at him!

And – like me – you’re selling yourself on the lie that he’s somehow better than you.

You are worshipping his “intellect.” You think he has something you don’t – and even want to “give” him this other woman, who you think is more suited to him and better than you.

You see him as “professional” and with “status.” You see him as having qualities you wish you had.

And you’re completely belittling and ignoring the amazing, fabulous qualities YOU have – AND…you’re ignoring the fact that you’re working to GET some of those qualities for YOURSELF – so you don’t even NEED to get them through a man.

I know it feels like a shortcut, to get those qualities from a man – but it just doesn’t work that way.

It’s really the total opposite. YOU sound like an AMAZING woman – taking care of your children, taking care of your health, having a good, well paying job that enables you to spend time with your kids and support them – PLUS – studying to do other work that you like.

I can’t imagine a better person than you.

And yet – you put yourself down, and raise him up.

In your eyes – he’s better, and you deserve crumbs.

I’m here to tell you to reconsider this judgment. To really, really look at the reality of this situation.

To really look at yourself and the amazing things you’re doing and see how you’re letting the judgments of people who don’t half deserve to even KNOW you run the way you think of yourself.

I want to reach in there and pull you from harm’s way – and this letter is the only way I can do that.

Please stop seeing this man totally.

Find another chiropractor (there are hundreds). If you have difficulty working with men health practitioners because you get crushes on them – find a WOMAN!

Every man living wants to date an exotic dancer. And an exotic dancer who is studying massage would have to be even more attractive than that! You rock.

So – get yourself out there, with the time you have apart from all the other things you’re doing in your life – and let a REAL MAN date you, treat you the brilliant way you deserve, love you up, and make you feel good.

When you cut this man off (unless he shows up with a solid plan to be the man you want with the commitment level you want) – everything will get better for you.

Your anxiety will disappear. Your health will improve. Your self-esteem will go up.

You’ll learn to love yourself…which is always step one in allowing a man to really love you. And a great man (I define a great man as one who loves YOU) will find you and make you happy.

We are all easily swayed by power and our own estimation of “greatness” and the “dream man” qualities we hold dear.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to switch our sense of judgment around a man.

Forget about who he is, what he does, how much power, looks, money or status he has.

Instead – look at how he treats you. Look at how he makes you feel. A great man is one who can love. Who knows how to love like a MAN.

When you can look for that in a man, and SEE that when it shows up…then power will flow to you, through you, through both of you…everything expands, everything gets better…

I look forward to seeing you, working with you, and teaching you – along with the brilliant Naomie Thompson – how to literally change your experience with men, love and relationship at the Inner Boy Masterclass this Saturday, for only $97->

Love, Rori

From Sex To Romance – It’s Easy!

By Rori Raye | November 16, 2023

If you’ve ever felt torn in two directions with a man, and you’re struggling with following your heart or your own Boundary “Rules” – here’s a letter from Hannah we can work with:

“Hi Rori, I am reading the ebook and doing the writing exercises. I already feel better. I decided that clenching my fists and attempting to hold on to “him” really makes me feel powerLESS.

Today, I practiced holding myself “open” with hands, heart, pelvis—I even attempted to flirt and be open to all men.

And, I have to say, that for the most part, I really enjoyed the experiment. I was smiling to myself all day.

It was indeed an eye opener–I never realized how really closed off I must appear in the world.

As you remember, my boyfriend lives a couple of hours away by car. As we discussed, I am going down… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

Is Your Man Picker Off Because Your Inner Boy Is Messing With You? Naomie Thompson Video And Transcript!

By Rori Raye | November 11, 2023

A brilliantly helpful video from Master Coach Naomie Thompson:

From Naomie Thompson:

“If you find yourself – when you’re dating, or the kind of guys you’re really drawn to and attracted to – you find maybe it’s the same kind of guys again and again, but in different clothing…

So it might be guys who come on really, really strong – and as soon as you start to open up, they start to disappear?”

Now, that used to be me and I found that awful.

It was like I was saying, I’m going to watch who he is, I’m going to see what kind of guy he is, I’m going to get all the evidence I need, and then I’ll open up.

And then suddenly he was gone. Suddenly he’d back off. I know how painful that is, how confusing that is.

So if you’re in that place, I want to say: There’s a part of you that’s choosing for you right now, and they may not be choosing very well for you.

You may have heard the expression, your man picker, your man pickers off and, and I really like to, to, to liken that to being a part of you that is trying to choose well for you, but is really, really struggling. So you can absolutely solve this.

You can absolutely turn this around.

We’re going to be running a workshop called the Inner Boy Masterclass on Saturday at 12 noon U.S central time.

Our inner boy is often a reflection of what is going on outside of us, in our relationships with men, in the men we choose, in the men we are attracted to.

And there’s a whole new way of going about attraction.

There’s a whole new way of relating to the way we shine our light because, you know, we are shining a light, shining a vibe. out to guys in the world, whether we’re closed or we’re open, we’re shining a  closed vibe or an open vibe.

And we will attract, you will attract, someone who vibes with that light, who vibes with your vibe.

If we’re putting out a closed vibe, “Hmm, not quite sure, not quite sure. I’m going to watch you and see what you’re like...before I open up…” we’re going to attract a guy who’s comfortable with that closed vibe.

So, when you open up, he’s going to struggle.

If you’ve got an open vibe, you’re going to attract a guy who really wants that open energy.

So, in this workshop, we’re going to dive into “What light are you shining? How can you turn around the light you’re shining?”

So actually you start to effortlessly attract a man who’s going to “get you” and want you – exactly as you are – from the very beginning.”

Love, Naomie and Rori

What Do You Want From Your Work?

By Rori Raye | November 5, 2023

Hi, this is Rori. And what do you want from your work?

I mean, I talk so much about what you want from a man… What you want from a relationship…what you want this to look like …What you want it to feel like …

So let’s move into your workplace, whether it’s your living room or your bedroom, where you type or an office space, or whether you can sit on the beach and work.

What is it you want?

What do you want from doing something that brings in money?… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

Relax Into Love – Videocast With Teal Elisabeth

By Rori Raye | October 31, 2023

Teal Elisabeth, Founder & CEO of Relax into Love Coaching supports women in building more authentic, genuine relationships within themselves and a partner with joy and ease.

She is a Spiritual Love and Relationship Coach trained in the principles of Feminine Energy, NLP, & deep subconscious reprogramming.

She is actively living her dreams – transforming women’s lives, happily married to her husband for the… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

Should Men Be Providers?

By Rori Raye | October 19, 2023

The Question:

“Hi Rori, Should Masculine energy men be providers??
Should they be providing financially??
Lot of relationships coaches say men should provide financially, and that 50-50 doesn’t work…Confused”

The Answer From Natalina Love

Dear Confused, This is a really good question, it’s such a big topic right now, and Rori’s answer, her view on this, might shock you.

There are lots of women these days who are WAY more successful than their men. So much so that even a 50-50 split is impossible. If he’s an artist or a musician, he might just barely be making a living for himself.

The ways that a man ‘provides’ and takes care of a woman in that arrangement would also shift, where it still feels very clear that a woman is being loved, adored, and taken care of in… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

By Rori Raye | October 13, 2023

The Question:

Hi Rori, I have a situation that is taking over my mental health state now. I have been with this man for 3 years now. Sometimes we are on and off. What I mean by on and off is that most of the time I get into trouble with my choice of words which makes him go crazy and mad at me.

He will not talk to me for weeks or days and we resolve it. Distance is a barrier. He is in the States while I am in England. He visited me twice last year which I am thankful for.

I love this man so much I can climb the highest mountain for him. I love him that I don’t see any other men. Last week we discussed how he would feel if I journeyed into getting a BBL/ Liposuction. He gave his honest opinion that it’s my body and if I am okay with it nothing should stop me. If I am proud of it I should do it.

Then, I asked him this question “Do you care about me”?… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

How To Know If You're His Woman - Or His Delivery Girl...

by Rori Raye  March 1, 2017

When was the last time you felt completely at ease with a man?

Where you felt totally secure in the knowledge that he loves you, totally sure he appreciates you, and feeling that cozy warmth inside because all your needs for love and romance are being met by him?

Or does that seem like a dream? A fantasy?

Here's a way to help that dream turn real - a way of looking at everything that shows up, no matter how your first reaction is to it:

The "It's Not About Me" Tool"

Julia wrote me:

"Dear Rori - when my boyfriend asks me to do stuff for him, I just feel so resentful. I (read more here...)