Peace And Love In The New Year From Susie Collins

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susiecollinsI just got this newsletter from Susie Collins. She and her husband Otto have been at this relationship advice business for a LONG time, and because I like to read everything out there, I came across them a few years ago. I’m amazed – but I haven’t unsubscribed from their free newsletters in all this time. They focus on jealousy, and on communication skills – and I’ve actually bought several of their books and found them extremely helpful.

For me – the “strategy” of knowing what to say is great – ONLY as a “starter” to help you FEEL where it is YOU’RE coming from INSIDE. In other words – I’m only interested in the OUTSIDE results you get when you speak in certain ways, and interpret what others say and do in certain ways because it gives you clues to what’s going on INSIDE you.

I’m interested in helping you feel good and feel whole and feel powerful and feel beautiful and lovely and loveable on your INSIDE. I’m interested in helping you create a softness on your outside that comes from a feeling of peace and trust and faith inside you.

So I see great value in learning to use words in ways that are the most authentic for you – that match your outside to your inside.

I loved this story, and got permission to reprint it from my friend Steve at, who’s an affiliate for them (so I’ll have to include his link at the bottom – you can get their free newsletters there if you like…)

by Susie Collins

Happy holidays to you and your family!

I want you to know how grateful I am for you and that you invite me into your inbox every week!

I don’t have to tell you how stressful the holidays can be–if you let them.

So take a moment right now–take a deep breath and read about what happened recently between my friend and her mother that’s something we can all learn from…

**Today’s Amazing Woman Story**


It was an argument they’ve had many times before, so why should today be any different…

That was the thought I had as I walked into my dear friend’s mother’s kitchen the other day and felt the tension as my friend and her aging mother continued to argue back and forth.

Even though my friend had cooked many meals in her mom’s kitchen, she still had a hard time finding what she needed to finish her part of the holiday meal.

As usual, she had to ask several times where cooking items were stored.

On this day, instead of my friend’s mother simply telling her where the pot was that she needed, her mother stopped making the cole slaw and went to get the pot herself.

My friend was angry because when she saw her mom doing this, she “saw” that her mom didn’t want her to know where things were in her kitchen.

My friend perceived that her mom was keeping information from her–on purpose.

Now, me being an outsider (and not in THEIR drama)–I could see that her mom’s kitchen wasn’t very organized like most kitchens– in fact, it didn’t seem organized in any way at all.

My interpretation of all of this was that her mom wasn’t sure where the pot was that her daughter was asking for so she had to find it herself…

And NOT that she was trying to be secretive.

Later, when I gently suggested this re-frame to my friend, she agreed that it was entirely possible that her mom really DIDN’T know exactly where everything was in her kitchen because many things didn’t have specific places…

And that maybe her mom wasn’t just being difficult and secretive–like my friend thought she had been in the past.


**Today’s Amazing Woman Tidbits**


So as you think about your relationships, here’s my question for you…

How often do you mis-interpret what someone you love does and think the very worst about his or her motivation?

How often do you react from old patterns and old arguments, even though that may not be the case in this present moment?

Here are a few ideas to help you shift to a new perspective so you can experience more peace and love in this new year…

1. Track your internal conversation

We all make up stories all the time about other people’s motivations– some are true and others are not.

Get in the practice of tuning into what you’re thinking, especially when you know you’re going to be around people who tend to push your buttons–like my friend and her mother.

2. Is this the past or present?

Consider that what’s coming up for you may be about the past and not the present.

Old, unresolved hurts roll around inside us and usually come up over and over again.

If you have hurts rolling around inside you (like my friend), take some time and either get them out in the open or choose to be in this moment with a clean slate.

That’s certainly not to say that you allow yourself to be taken advantage of or abused in any way.

It is to say that you consider whether you need to address this hurt or allow a new attitude to be in this present moment.

3. When in doubt, ask.

When you aren’t sure why someone is acting in a certain way–ask (but in a way the person can hear it).

You can use one of our magic phrases– “I’m noticing that…”–to gently open a conversation that may lead to you learning something new about your loved one.

If my friend had used that phrase to ask her mother about her actions, there wouldn’t have been an argument and all that defending on both their parts wouldn’t have happened.

Life’s too short to hold onto grudges.

My hope and wish for you is to allow yourself to express more love in this coming year–and allow more love in.

Much Love to you,

Susie Collins

Here’s the LoveRomanceRelationship link to get Susie and Otto’s free newsletters and look through their books – I’m starting here with their advice on jealousy:

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Starla on December 27, 2012 at 11:54 am


    *crowd goes wild*

  2.  #2BeLoved on December 27, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Oh, boy, can I relate to this post!

    I can think of at least once where I nearly had a meltdown at work because I thought my supervisor was singling me out and “pretending” like he was talking to everyone but really meant ME.

    I used Rori’s tools! I used an FM that I was feeling defensive and sat and breathed through my fight-or-flight feelings, and watched his eyes as he responded and made it clear that he wasn’t doing what I thought he was doing.

    I also remember getting on a bus once that had passed me and stopped down the road.
    The driver said, “You were standing behind the tree and I couldn’t see you, that’s why I passed you.”
    I felt defensive and snorted…”whatever”, because I heard blame, accusation, make-wrong…it took a WEEK for me to get the man was being kind and explaining he didn’t mean to pass me up and why it happened. I realized I had taken it personally, like, he just blatantly ignored me….bwahahaha, precious little prickly ego!

    I also love hearing this from Rori:
    ” I’m interested in helping you create a softness on your outside that comes from a feeling of peace and trust and faith inside you:

    Yes, yes, this is actually happening with me!!
    Just before I read this article I was talking with someone about the terror I had of being hit by a man and how finally, after 18 mos. of working with men and using FM’s and learning more about what’s going on inside, I felt like I could let my guard down and trust a little. When C and I play at lunch and talk trash to each other, we are both so much less aggressive. It feels strange, because I’m used to that adrenalin, and at the same time, it feels so peaceful and intimate.

  3.  #3Starla on December 27, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    I am thinking so much about how to best take care of me on a daily basis

    when i take care of me as best i can, i don’t assume the worst in others. life feels simpler.

    i can’t wait to get home and use my newly fixed vacuum and feel good in a clean home

    and it just occurred to me to throw out the stuffed animals i am collecting in the closet (CLUTTER!) that men have given me over the years…

  4.  #4BeLoved on December 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    I just did something scary!
    This morning I was imagining having a red drawstring pouch for my altar to put my “seeds” in, and my supervisor walked in and handed me one exactly the shape and size I had just been thinking about!!
    Only…it’s a pink and green fabric with loops, a contemporary pattern that isn’t my thing.

    Soo…..I thought and thought about it, and I KNOW it won’t get used for anything else, and I don’t know anyone I could give it to. His wife made it, she has a business making them sooo
    I felt so scared because I didn’t want to seem rude
    and I did it anyway,
    I asked him if she had a red one.
    He said he didn’t know.

    I really hope he comes up with a red one because it would not feel good to give this back and reject a gift, and it wouldn’t feel good to take it knowing I don’t like it and won’t use it and it will get donated or sit in my closet for a while.

  5.  #5MovingMagic on December 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Wow Starla, that post mad me realize I’ve never been given a stuffed animal from a man. Jewelry, & sneakers seem to keep popping up for me. Hmmmm…

  6.  #6MovingMagic on December 27, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    *Made. I’m on my phone. 🙂

  7.  #7Iamabutterfly on December 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Being on the blog isn’t always helpful for me, so I took a break. It felt cathartic.

    Some things I’ve noticed:

    Gentle, quiet, slow men trigger me big time. I find myself becoming very impatient with them. Like inside my head I’m thinking:

    “hurry up and finish your sentence already!”

    I feel incredibly angry too.

    I feel scared that they won’t be able to stand up to me when I “lose it.”

    Have always been attracted to the Alpha males, who, when I get feisty or argumentative or loud or whatever, will “stand up to me” or “put me in my place.” Respectfully, of course. I don’t think I’ve ever been attracted to “extremely toxic” men. Maybe ones that just have a few toxic qualities.

    A pretty quiet guy talked to me recently, and I felt so surprised at the intense emotional response I had with him. My anger felt like heat rising, and he was being nothing but nice and respectful. I also found it kind of difficult to listen at Level 2, found myself wanting to interrupt or “take charge” of the direction of the conversation or something?

    But I managed to calm down, and it ended up being a lovely, calm, and even helpful conversation, and by the end of it, I felt a deep respect for the man in front of me.

    It was a really strange experience.

    I want to heal this, this anger that rises when dealing with quiet, mild-mannered men…

    I feel myself judging them as “not strong enough” or even “not good enough” for me, but my mind and heart have changed, and I feel guilt over my past perceptions and rejections of good men…

    feels curious…

  8.  #8Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Starla thanks for the reminder and the laugh. Mohamed Ali has become somewhat of an idol for me with that mantra ever since I started on the journey of self discovery. It is amazing how we can get hundreds of people believing what we believe and put out there about ourselves.

  9.  #9MovingMagic on December 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Great observations about yourself Butterfly! I wonder what would happen if you mirrored these gentle men? Perhaps slowing down a bit, & leaning back? I often find myself rushing too. I’ve started to notice how masculine rushing makes me feel. What do you think?

  10.  #10Starla on December 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    ahhhhhh i’m doing it
    i’m getting my certification to teach ESL through cambridge university. i should have it in about 6-8 months!

    now i get to go on vacation to take the exam:) they don’t offer it in my city.

  11.  #11Turquoise on December 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Hi Everyone! Merry Christmas and happy Holidays! I had a whirlwind of a few days getting ready to host dinner for almost 30 people… but back to work, girls are with their dad, and I can relax! 🙂

    Hope everyone had a beautiful holiday!

  12.  #12Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Hi Turquoise. Good to read about your life. Jilly has exciting news on the previous thread.

  13.  #13Emerson on December 27, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Mercedes i feel curious about your letter to yourself…please share more about it if you don’t mind …. Sounds interesting

  14.  #14Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    It’s not your “negative” feelings that push a man away – it’s what you do with them.
    It’s how you LIVE with them – because there are things in this world that Trigger us can make us feel sensitive and sad all the time.
    And the way to live with negative feelings that pushes a man away is to RESIST them.
    The way to live with negative feelings that BRINGS A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them.
    And that doesn’t just mean just feeling them for a moment and then moving on to something else to distract ourselves…
    It means FULLY FEELING your feelings by SINKING INTO them.

  15.  #15Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Emma – you’re trying to schedule a “talk” – and of course he (like any man) is going to run from that. Stop pursuing him!! A speech only works if you’re leaning back. And, yes – you can’t lean back if he isn’t leaning forward and “there.” – so work on THAT first. My guess is you’re leaning forward like crazy, and so he’s going backwards. Read everything you can here, start with my ebook, and use the Tools. Love, Rori

  16.  #16Starla on December 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    sh*t. i feel nervous.
    i just booked my monday and tuesday nights for belly dance. my thursday and sunday nights for reiki training. and in between all that i’m taking an online course for teaching ESL.

    oh yeah and i have a full time job i go to 40-50 hours a week.

    shiiiiiiiiiit what did i do?

    i know i can handle it all, but will i find a guy who can handle it too? can qz handle it? i bet he can, if we can just have an honest conversation with each other lol.

  17.  #17Turquoise on December 27, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Thanks FW for pointing me there!


    Sweetie, I am so amazingly, extremely, wonderfully, joyfully happy for you!!!!!!!!

    Much love and best wishes!

  18.  #18Starla on December 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    i wonder where i can find more time?

    maybe i can train my body to get 6 hours of sleep. so far i can’t. i sleep through my alarm. but extra morning time would be marvelous. I could sleep from 11 to 5:30, and that would give me 2 or 3 hours before work.

    I can go straight to meditation and then cleaning when I get home from work at 6ish, instead of plopping down with the tv and feeling too exhausted to take care of myself. plopping down only makes it worse. i’m not actually physically exhausted — i’ve been sitting all day.

    i feel totally open to ideas about where to find more time in life..!

  19.  #19Turquoise on December 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Welcome back Memulo!

    BW, sounds like your life is full and exciting!!!

    FW, I always love to read your posts. 🙂 THey warm my heart.

    Radlove- you ARE a superhero!

    I have a date with Oldfriend CD, who needs a better name… will work on that! We are going for pizza at a mutual favorite place and just going to relax and catch up. I haven’t seen him since Sunday. He wants me to meet his kids, and just told his ex about me, she’s not happy… so may be stressful, but I’m not getting wrapped up in it. I’m also not meeting his kids yet, but he has met mine. It was just as a friend, but they clicked and liked him, so always a good sign to me.

    Tom fizzled… haven’t heard from him in a week, but that is nothing new.

    Chemist had asked me if I’d like to go out again soon and wished me a merry Christmas, but he hasn’t asked for a specific date… so who knows what he’s doing, but it’s ok.

    Have a wonderful night sirens!


    OH- my ex broke up with his girlfriend. They lasted longer than I first expected (she was the one fawning all over his facebook page and had the cat page, etc.) but I ended up liking her and the girls really liked her. He told the girls they fought a lot. I wonder if he ever sees a pattern there….. I gave him a Merry Christmas hug, and he held me really tight, longer than necessary, but it didn’t feel warm to me… such a relief that those feelings haven’t come flooding back with the holidays.

    I do miss MR. C. though, I still think about him sometimes. But old friend CD, is fun, wants to be with me, is in constant contract, pays for everything, doesn’t complain and tells me he adores me, that he’s fallen for me, wants to plan vacations, it feels soooo good to be treated this way. I want this more than I want a certain guy, I want the happy relationship. 🙂

  20.  #20Starla on December 27, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    if i exercised more and didn’t smoke pot two to five times a day, i’d probably not need so much sleep!

  21.  #21Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Turq I am not surprised ex and his girlfriend broke up. I was tempted to ask earlier but thought to just drop it.

  22.  #22Starla on December 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    I just did my tarot and it says my addictions and laziness are holding me back

    no shxt

  23.  #23Linda on December 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    I love the reminder in this post to “reframe” I think this is what I have been doing but did not have a name for it.

    I posted on the last thread about the voice in my head and it’s sometimes negative bent. FW just posted #14…that is sooo helpful to me. I guess I have been examining closely where my feelings and voices are coming from. When I run across the negative ones I did not quite know what to do with them. I want to unplay their message or ignore them and secretly fear that they will be the demise of me. Instead now I will “reframe” them and feel them. I will practice on myself !

    I find myself feeling feelings of being ignored with FavoriteCD. which triggers…feelings of distrusting him (because of my last relationship ) which leads to yet another feeling of fear that he is going to poof on me (which is what happened in a different previous relationship)…. NONE of these things have anything to with him or anything he has done… but instead it is ALLL MY baggage!

    Just last night I layed on the couch and “reframed” some things and the tension and concern that I was feeling just disapated. It feels that I am taking good care of myself doing this. I have a goal to become a better, fuller version of myself…. the key has been to “Feel” and “validate” all my Feelings. It is like the boy and girl energy in me is learning to dance in harmony at times. That feels like peaceful progress!

    I continue to be inspired by this blog and the beauty and struggle and stories of my fellow sirens here.


  24.  #24Starla on December 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    the tarot cards say if i don’t get my shxt together, qz won’t move forward with me. (I asked the question “what, if anything, is holding him back right now?”)

    on paper my shxt’s together, but energetically i’m not feeling solid lately.

  25.  #25Goodheart on December 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I have the scariest desire.

    I want to be my own boss.

    It’s something that has been nudging me for awhile now, but I could never “decide” on what I really wanted to do. I would just toss ideas around & nothing really seemed to settle around my heart so I just kind of let it go.

    Then I lost my job.

    I’m employed again (thankfully) but unfilled. And then the weirdest thing – a few of my friends at different times said I should be a coach.

    And it was like my heart lit up.

    It was unsolicited by me – they just offered it after talking to me. I love to talk about law of attraction and all of Rori’s teachings as well.

    Oh my. It feels so right.

    And so scary. And like, really? Me?

    And then I feel too big for my britches.

    And then I feel, why not me?

    Oh so scary.

  26.  #26Starla on December 27, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    ooh goodheart
    go for it:)

  27.  #27Linda on December 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    I have come across a very raw feeling in me. It seems to be eeking toward the surface and it is getting harder and harder to ignore and control it spewing out.

    It feels like crying but extreme happiness too. I felt it almost spew out the other night when FavoriteCD crawled on his hands and knees from the Christmas tree up to where I was sitting on the floor.. got right up in my face… nose touching mine, kissing my lips and saying “You are the Best” ! Those words triggered a feeling of OMG this man really MEANs this! and if he keeps telling me that I am all these great things I might just start believing him! With that will come a release of all the negative bad hurt that has been walled up inside me (from my last relationship)…I was never complimented or appreciated unless it was said as a way to make him feel better for some terrible thing he had done…

    I feel unstoppable sobbing and emotional release in the presence of FavoriteCD on the horizon and I feel uneasy about it. …. hmmm more triggers to investigate. When I am with him.. his energy feels masculine and nurturing all at the same time. It feel safe and arousing all at the same time.

    WOW look at feeling words here… I am surprising myself with being able to articulate them. baby steps… more baby steps

  28.  #28Starla on December 27, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    whew, qz just texted me. he’s not disappearing!

    it would feel good to get this worried feeling booted once and for all. i feel so wrapped up! and i don’t even want that!

    though i should give myself credit where due. i’m doing so much better than i ever have when it comes to not letting this sort of thing consume me.

    love to me:)

  29.  #29Tam on December 27, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Hm, all your blog posts are better than the main post I find.
    Well, I am angry. Livid even.
    The reason?
    Today again I have been blindsided when it comes to going out. It was a ritual, when I was still just hanging around with the boys, that NoCD and Curly invited me out on a Wed and Thurs, well NoCD always did even before I knew Curly.
    Guess what? Not nobody invites me, because NoCD (I assume) doesn’t want to step on Curly’s toes (they are best buddies) and Curly, well, he is – being his bachelor self and mixing with his single friends and female fan club. And has not asked me out.
    VERY INTERESTING. He was also telling me he would give me feedback regarding the party invite for NY. Well, nothing. And now I have uninvited him in my mind. He called me today and texted and blah but what’s up with the not making plans?
    What with all the age difference and all the other stuff it is really not good news. I feel like dropping him out of the rotation..and then I will have nobody for a while.
    I don’t want to feel bad and unwanted.
    Been there. done that.
    NEXT already!

  30.  #30Starla on December 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm


  31.  #31Tam on December 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Well, so now he calls me. Last minute. And says ‘well I was going to go with NoCD to this place…but then ummm…of course I would rather spend time with you..bla bla…and drink some wine on your balcony’.
    I said ‘aha’.
    And then he said he would call me back to see what I wanted to do.
    So basically this makes me fel like he just wants to get a leg over but doesn’t want me to go out and mingle with all his single female friends…ha ha ha. And if I say’nopw Sir, no my place and cuddly session’, he will go with his bachelor friends.
    This is SO NOT what I want.
    If I see him tonight he is going to get ‘speeched’ to within an inch of his life.
    It’s just another road down to friends with benefits…and Ladies, I don’t want to be mean, but if I wanted friends with benefits I’d call MrP and not a wrinkly!!!
    Anger, hellooooooo!!

  32.  #32Tam on December 27, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Haha…poor guy. Speech about the NY’s invitation and lack of reply, and speech of don’t wants regarding making plans/ meeting with single women and me sitting at home.
    Why did he not say that we go to the place where his friends are, because ha actually wanted to!? Because it is likely that he gets pounced on, I get upset and he doesn’t get a leg over ever.
    Not silly the old boy!!

  33.  #33Senior Lady Vibe on December 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    A new thread, just as I was finishing up the other and commenting. Maybe I should post here now…

  34.  #34Senior Lady Vibe on December 27, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    from previous thread:

    @315: Sirenity says:
    “I am increasingly having to face the possibility of moving so that i can increase the pool of available men or just giving up.”

    That could be a wonderful and exciting adventure in 2013! It doesn’t even have to be immediately permanent. It’s possible to explore making “a home away from home” with space in a bed and breakfast type arrangement once a month or every other weekend in a larger city near you. This might increase your geographic search. Two cities? Hmmm, this could get interesting. :wink

    Ooooo, I think I’d like doing that too if I didn’t already have enough where I am to keep me busy. A new city, new art galleries and museums, theater, stores, coffee shops and restaurants to explore. A biking trail… Yum!

    This book by Rachel Greenwald might interest you too:

    “Find A Husband after 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School
    A Simple 15-step Action Program”


  35.  #35Senior Lady Vibe on December 27, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    from previous thread:

    @383: Jilly says:
    “Well…I have some big juicy news…”

    Wow! That is BIG news.

    Best wishes! What a fabulous 2013 this will be!!!


  36.  #36Tam on December 27, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    This is turning into work. I don’t like to work. I like it to flow.

  37.  #37Tam on December 27, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Hrmpf. I don’t know what to do. I guess he could come to my place if I had my boundaries in place and could just tell him how I feel.
    Problem is that I would feel better to go out.
    I don’t want him in my space.
    Right now.

  38.  #38Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Linda next time just embrace it and lean into it. Let it all out. Trust yourself. Love your feelings.

  39.  #39Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Starla forget the dang cards. What is your Goddess Self telling you?

  40.  #40Tam on December 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    39 FW lolol….you are so right!!! 🙂

  41.  #41Linda on December 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    I will FW thanks for the encouragement. My being aware of it and what it is does make me more able to do that. It wont be like I am blindsided by my own self. Sometimes emotions feel very uncomely and messy to me especially when they are displayed in front of others. I am not sure why.. they just do. I resist their display and try to control them.

    My interactions with favoritecd feel surprising every time. Maybe that is because I have put NO expectations and am open and receiving what he brings to me…. like today I am wearing the earings he gave me for christmas (which was a total surprise to me)… He said he bet they looked beautiful on me. I said I liked them alot and he had excellent taste.. his reply..”you are proof of that”…..
    What a lovely thing to say to me… I graciously received his compliment… and then I felt omgosh I feel myself becoming unguarded and trusting this man. Scarey and exciting.

    I will embrace, feel and lean in. Being real and who I am will give him an opportunity to see more of the genuine me. His response will be revealing too.

  42.  #42Linda on December 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Starla.. I feel that concern that you were talking about … a man disappearing. My past relationships have created that thought pattern in me.

    I have taken the work worry out of my vocabulary and have replaced it with concern. Concern makes me own my thoughts… worry gives the feeling of something controling me and does not foster accountibility.

    I have decided that if a man does not contact me.. then it is his choice… mine response is to accept or reject his choice. If he is not stepping up… then I get to decide if it is ok or if I am bored and am moving on. end of it.

    I am done with investing in thinking about why they dont contact and investing in doing what makes me happy and feel full. It feels sooo much better to me.

    Thinking at a man is disappearing is a direct result of a belief that he is going to. I have bumped into this with favoritecd…. these are fresh revelations for me and simply sharing them in hopes that my struggle with communication or lack of it might inspire what is under the surface for you.

  43.  #43Tereslyn on December 27, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    I have been talking to a new CD and I find him charming, funny and interesting. The conversation seems easy and comfortable. We are gonna meet tomorrow night, so we shall see. I will keep all u posted. My long distant guy hasn’t called today yet, and of course I wanna talk to him but this new CD is a nice attraction. My only concern is he is a lot younger than me, which is flattering but makes me nervous

  44.  #44Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    The Lies We Tell Men – And Ourselves

    Here’s the deal on all this for all of us – this is all about basically telling the TRUTH to a man.

    We have only 2 scenarios here:

    We know the truth, exactly how we feel and what we want, but we’re afraid to communicate that, so we’re desperately trying to find “a way into” the conversation..

    We’re trying to find a “way” to say the truth or we’re trying to find a way to say some of the truth which most often turns into choosing an old pathway we’ve used over and over again that never has worked – the not-truth.

    We DON’T know the truth. We actually don’t know what we want.
    When We Feel Torn And Confused

    We’re pulled in two – or sometimes many – directions. Like Hannah, we want to go and we want to not go.

    Sometimes I even have difficulty deciding if I want to go to a movie, or if I want to stay home and “veg” on the couch or play cards. When I’m under the weather, I want to do things, but I want to stay in bed. I can actually feel the war going on inside me from my different impulses. I want to write, I want to clean the kitchen, I want to eat, I want to smile at my daughter and listen to her, and I want to curl up with my husband – all at the same time.

    I have to CHOOSE.

    But still – and this is important – all these impulses are the TRUTH. And saying the truth to anyone would be to say:

    “I’m feeling confused. I want to do ten things all at once. I haven’t settled down enough to choose one, or put them in some sort of order of ‘liking to do’.”

    And so, my path is simple – I must settle down into myself, really imagine all my options, and FEEL which one feels best at this very moment. I must PRACTICE CHOOSING from many truths.

    I must practice listening to my deepest self, my intuition, my gut-level feelings.

    AND – I must make this process FUN by using my favorite Tools for this situation.

    What Your Truth Might Look Like

    I know, and if you settle down into yourself and imagine, you know too – many, many times – when you had many things you wanted to do and not do, where ONE THING just jumped out at you, and you KNEW what it was you wanted to do.

    Only, you may have second-guessed yourself, or tried to talk yourself out of it, or made an intellectual, rational argument for another choice, or went with what someone ELSE wanted and decided it was what YOU wanted to do, too.

    And still – no matter WHAT you choose – some of that would be the TRUTH.

    “I wanted to go to see that movie now because I knew YOU wanted to see that movie now, and it felt good to make you happy.” That’s the truth.

    “I really want to see that movie now” is NOT the truth. (There may be a movie you feel okay about seeing “sometime” – but that doesn’t make it the thing you want to do right NOW.)

    See Where We’re Going Here?

    So, start with the truth. Get into yourself, listen to all your conflicting voices, and FEEL what it is that’s the truth for you at this moment.

    Practicing this will make EVERYTHING so much EASIER for you… and will get you AMAZING results with a man.

    When you have the challenge of speaking to a man about something you’re torn about, or that’s emotionally loaded, or you have to make a decision, like Hannah – don’t worry about the outcome.

    The Outcome Isn’t Under Your Control

    Just focus your energy on FEELING what it is that’s the TRUTH for YOU about this.

    Even if there are MANY truths – just write them all down.

    Then feel your way through each option, and see if you can FEEL which one is the MOST true for you at the moment, the one that most sings in your heart, where you can feel your body RELAX and breathe. (That’s often the clearest sign we can get that we’ve hit on the truth for us for the moment – we FEEL released inside.)

    And practice, moment by moment, saying the truth, DOING what feels truthful, and letting the outcome work out by itself.

    How To Speak Your Truth To A Man

    I can promise you that what you choose, and how things unfold in the short term, are not important – what will work for you with a man in the LONG TERM is the VIBE you create around yourself when you listen to yourself and speak the truth.

    When you do this, you open up a way of communication with a man that THRILLS him.

    It creates INSTANT CONNECTION – and the longer you do it, the deeper the connection becomes.

    This is so incredibly powerful and CRUCIAL to your finding lasting happiness with a man – the RIGHT man – that I created two programs to help you both figure out what it is you really, truly want AND express it to a man in a way that instantly compels him to get closer to you.

    You’ll get all the answers you need in Love Scripts for Dating and Love Scripts for Relationships:

    How To Talk To Him
    If you constantly find yourself asking, “What should I tell him? How should I act?” because you’re not sure if you’ll get the reaction that you crave (like his affection or attention), then you’ll LOVE how easy Love Scripts will make things for you.

    You’ll see for yourself what it’s like to reach deep down and get to the TRUTH of what it is you want and what you’re truly feeling, and then exactly how to COMMUNICATE those feelings into words that DRAW HIM IN – whether you’re single and looking for your Mr. Right… or you’ve been in a committed relationship for decades.

    Watch Love Scripts online right now:

    The Exact Words That’ll Thrill Him
    So, discover your truth, and practice SPEAKING your truth, and let me know your experiences.

    Love, Rori

  45.  #45Turquoise on December 27, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    FW, they just broke up within the last week or so. I kinda figured it would happen too.

  46.  #46Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    To make lasting changes in your love life, you
    need to change the way you think and change your
    approach. The way you’ve been taught to attract
    and connect to a man just don’t work.
    You’ve been taught that to make love last, you
    need to focus on the man.
    But the truth is that you need to focus on YOU.
    Whenever you find yourself worried that you’re not good enough, not attractive enough, not sexy enough, not anything enough for any particular man or for men in general, completely flip that around.
    It’s so easy to get caught in worrying whether
    a man will be attracted to us forever, or that every man we meet will either be boring or break our hearts.
    It’s the result of not believing we’re attractive, or not being in touch with who we are and what we want.
    So I want you to flip this around.
    Instead of beating yourself up when a man rejects you, I want you to become your own best friend and fan.
    Pledge that you will devote yourself to YOU no
    matter what happens. You will focus on how you
    feel and what you need, and as a result, your man
    will naturally start to gravitate toward you.
    I know that Modern Siren and Reconnect Your
    Relationship will help you with this.
    You’ll learn how to be more authentically yourself and magnetize a man, and you’ll learn how to build a strong connection with the way you express yourself around him.


  47.  #47Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Turq – yeah. She seemed to have been too focussed on him

  48.  #48Tereana on December 27, 2012 at 8:34 pm


    Linda – I feel inspired by your post about “reframing.” that feels like a great tool!

    I can use it on my mom, too, potentially. She’s the one that I often assume is doing something “to hurt” me, or at least isn’t helping me in a way that I want.

    Goodheart – I feel such a positive vibe when you are talking about being a coach! I don’t know you, but that’s such a hot field to Bevin right now, and you have employment, so you can check it out before you quit your job. You don’t have to be “your own boss” right away. But it sounds like this is really speaking to you! 🙂

  49.  #49Luzydel on December 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Wow feels good to read about sirens here getting the relationships they want. I remember Jilly witting about different CD’s and not settling for what they offered that was over a year ago, then I remember her talking about rugbyman; and it felt different, natural, effortless; I am happy for her and something to learn here, do not settle for nothing but what you really want 🙂

  50.  #50Tereana on December 27, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    Ok, here is something I can reframe…

    Tonight, I texted something to CCB, and he hasn’t texted me back yet. It was kind of “deep” in that it contained some truth for me, and my feelings and desires. Not hearing back, I wonder – does he like me? Does hex want me? Was it “too much”?

    But then I remember – in the past, the same thing has happened. I have told him deep truth, and he didn’t respond right away. But he DID respond. He did read my text and took in all I had to say.

    I can only assume that the same is true now. He still likes me, and he hasn’t responded because he simply doesn’t know what to say.

    Ok. But it’s lean-back time. Because I just realized that I’m starting to “like” this guy – he’s showing up in ways that I appreciate – and I don’t want that to turn into the thing where I lean forward and get him to go away. I still need to leave room for him to come in, if he’s going to stay interested. Okay, so…

    I’m an amazing siren. I am the garden he wants to rest in. I am the temple he wants to enter. All of me is beautiful, juicy, and interesting. I am so worthy and luscious and adorable. I am a queen, robed in purple, ready for her throne. My crown is brilliant and sparkling. And I am ready to be adored….

    Good night, sirens!!

  51.  #51Vi on December 27, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    One of the hugest triggers I would like to learn to re-frame is when I receive an advise I haven’t asked for. In my mind I go for ‘You don’t trust me! You don’t believe I can handle this?’ and feeling extremely angry.

    I think it’s the main reason I feel turned off with my mom – I just think she doesn’t trust me and my interests do not make her feel happy. I feel very cautious what to share with her. And other people too. I don’t want to hurt anyone and my mom first of all. Hence now when I really have time for my passions I procrastinate. I think nothing good is going to happen if I live up to my passions. And I will only make other people feel bad. I lived up to my passions only when I had an ‘excuse’ – going to the university my parents wanted me to go… doing what I didn’t feel like doing at work or in my love life.. So it feels weird when I imagine me doing only what I would really like to do. That is like a treat to me… yes. Living up to my passions has always been a treat to me, a bonus, not something I regularly have… it feels interesting.

    So it’s not really about refraiming, it’s about self-trust.. I feel teary. No self-trust feels like emptiness. I love my emptiness. It feels like a black hole in dark endless space that sucks in everything that’s alive and makes it disappear. I feel warming waves of tension in my ankles. I love tension in my ankles. I feel waves of tension in my shoulders. I love tension in my shoulders. My ankles feel heavy. I love heaviness in my ankles. I feel sadness. I love my sadness. I feel my teetch clenched. I love my clenched teeth. I feel I am holding in my breath. I love my hold in breath. Something is happening here, and my heavy ankles and hold in breath are the signs. Who says it’s bad what’s happening? It may as well be something good. It may not. I love my negative voice. I love my positive voice which sounds like Rory… I love my melancholic feelings. I love my past. I love my mistrustful-ness. Who said it’s bad to do what they tell you to do by the way. I ended up … being alive… maybe not feeling that good… but if it happened and I find myself alive, it’s been meant, right? Maybe on the other end of black holes there are new worlds … even better and brighter and more beautiful and joyful and exciting… where it feels good to breathe .. or where you don’t have to breathe at all and what you have to ‘do’ is just be and enjoy and revel in pleasure, guilt-free… It feels blooming and expanding and welcoming and also – sparkling and gold and shimmery and light and bouncing like my hair… or my smile… Sigh.

    So… ‘You don’t trust me! You don’t believe I can handle this?’ may be … I feel so glad you care about me! thank you!

    I love my feeling of un-safety writing this. It feels safe to acknowledge that it feels unsafe just yet. Thank you.

  52.  #52Vi on December 27, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    I feel unsafe acknowledging I do care how my mom feels…. it feels kinda easier to shut down and talk myself out that I do care. Sigh. I love my unsafe feelings. I love my safe feelings. I love my adventurous side that wants to acknowledge the parts I used to shut down.. I feel grateful I have a part that wants me to be honest with myself and helps me to uncover myself and feels good about even the most ignored parts of me… I feel so loved ! there is a part of me that loves the parts of me that used to be judged as ‘ugly’!! Wow.

  53.  #53T-Girl on December 27, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Jilly! I just saw your news! Congrats!

  54.  #54GlowStix on December 27, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Sitting up listening to the fat drops of rain hit the roof. The man is sleeping and I want to go curl up next to him. I feel wonderfully soft and strong and solid and flowing. I am swimming in a pool of trust and openness. My vibrations are high and my feet are firmly on the ground…Barefoot in the earth.

  55.  #55Luzydel on December 27, 2012 at 11:56 pm

    I can’t sleep. 🙁

  56.  #56janie baby on December 28, 2012 at 12:07 am

    it was really weird.
    today i was with my friends, and everyone started talking about how one of our friends (who wasn’t there) might be a pathological liar and how she is weird. And this girl is my good friend, so I got really defensive and left and just started crying. I felt weirded out by my reaction because usually I just sit and am quiet or will smile through til the next topic, But i felt really triggered when everyone was speaking badly about her and I wonder why it triggered me so much. I got angry with my friends and was defending my friend. and it felt really icky!!! i wonder why it triggered such strong feelings in me though. in stead of just standing up for her and accepting other people might not like her, i felt personally offended. i felt very uncomfortable. they were talking bad about her being she’s having an affair with her boss, and i didn’t like the judgmental vibes everyone was passing. It felt bad and weird. I don’t want to judge. In this I feel like I’m being judgemental of my friends thinking they were talking bad. Ugh.

  57.  #57Sirenity on December 28, 2012 at 2:45 am

    Rori, Thank you very much for your comments and suggestions re small town dating. I appreciate your input.

    I am now looking for a local profile expert in my country .

    I feel validated and interested that you suggest considering moving as this is the conclusion I had reached. I feel uncertain and scared about taking such a big step in the hope of meeting a life partner but I have always been one to strike out into the future and the timing is right this year .I have a job to return to and my major difficulty is my elderly dog and how to accommodate him.

    I feel a bit pathetic and conflicted but my old doggo has been a faithful and loving companion for 10 years . I was feeling down and lonely tonight till he came running up carrying his lead and looking hopefully at the door ,so soon we were both enjoying a long country walk.

    I may just have to be single in the country till he passes on as a city house with garden isnt in the budget. Sigh..

    Meanwhile I am going to look at where else I can go online to keep open to meeting someone.

  58.  #58Indigo on December 28, 2012 at 3:30 am


    I felt tearful as you described your dog coming up to you with his lead in his mouth. I feel touched by your loyalty to him.

    I hope you are able to embark on a new chapter. How exciting would that feel! Yay you!!!

  59.  #59Indigo on December 28, 2012 at 3:38 am

    I feel such softness and love towards D today. Most days are like this, just overflowing with love and appreciation, and the feeling of being loved, though I don’t know where it comes from.

    I realised that I would rather have a night like I had with him on Wednesday night, than the best date with anyone in the world. And not just a little. Like 10 times rather.

    I find the negative feelings that I used to have mostly are not there any more, but mostly are just replaced by gentleness and curiosity. That tightness still comes at times, like today when he didn’t want to see me and didn’t want to make plans because he was kept up till 2 am with a friend’s children who arrived unexpectedly, but I smother the feeling with gentleness when it comes.

    I wonder how things will go. I still don’t know. I don’t have any answers. Can I love that? Can I be at peace with that? I don’t know, I don’t think I am yet. I would be open to suggestions from sirens on how to dance with and love uncertainty.

  60.  #60Smile on December 28, 2012 at 4:29 am

    Shar, from previous thread… Thank you, it feels nice to be noticed.

  61.  #61Smile on December 28, 2012 at 4:29 am

    FW and radlove,

    Oo I would like to be a sidekick actually!!

  62.  #62Smile on December 28, 2012 at 4:30 am

    Just about to go meet ambulance cd. I’m feeling a little bit jittery, good butterflies 

  63.  #63Tam on December 28, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Smile, have fun with ambulance man!!

  64.  #64Tam on December 28, 2012 at 5:24 am

    I had a nice evening with Curly, we went out for a drink and it was ok. Then we got into a political argument, for some reason, and boy I saw a bit of passion there. We are not on the same page but that’s not a big problem as all my previous partners had a different political orientation to mine and that hasn’t bothered me as long as there was decent communication. It got a bit heated but I just tried to deflate the situation and we managed to agree to disagree. Took a lot of holding back on my part, but no big deal, I quite like calming down passionate men lol.

    So then he said, jokingly, if I would like it if he saw another woman…strange thing to say, so I said ‘of course not, but you are free to do what you like and I am free to draw my consequences/do what I like’.
    And then he said ‘oh, guess that we are exclusive then’. And he said it jokingly and he didn’t ask me anything so I said nothing. I didn’t say yes or no.

    He kind of picked up on my cageyness…but that’s ok.
    I don’t know yet if I want to be in an exclusive relationship with this man. He has some problems and reminds me a lot of MrP. I still have to observe him a bit longer.
    I do feel very much cherished and adored and everything else, and he is now pushing for commitment and says he wants me to be his girlfriend…but Ladies, I do not want to waste my time with someone who may not be right. I want to get married eventually and I am not at all sure that he would be the right person for that, for many reasons.
    So basically, I don’t know how to proceed now, guess if he asks me just tell him how it is.

  65.  #65Tam on December 28, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Actually, I can’t remember the last time someone ‘asked me out’, it usually just progressed there by itself. It’s a little bit cute actually…ha!

  66.  #66Memulo on December 28, 2012 at 6:01 am

    To respond to your post to me – thank you for your support. It’s hard for me to say now what I was or wasn’t to him because I’ve changed, at least somewhat changed. He required a lot of sympathy and attention, he was complaining non-stop and they seemed to be real problems and then he kept on saying I just want peace and love ( from me) so I wanted to give it to him at those super difficult times. I felt terrible for him. I know that his friend who just then moved back into town made fun of him dating ‘an older’ and not as successful me. The friend btw is a professor who got fired from a very famous school and now teaches at a city college. So I am actually more successful compared to him;) Sometimes with my guy I wanted to scream that I too need attention and love but shut myself down because of his situation. Instead I screamed later and alone.

    As for the gold digger.. A week before I found out I had a problem we went to an art gallery and I fell in love with one particular artist, one painting especially. I kept on coming back to look at it.. and then he said ‘I should give you this painting, do you want it?’ there was a price tag on it. I just felt very happy he had this desire and thought if me, I put my head on his shoulder and said no, thank you, you don’t have to do that.
    The price was twice the amount I was so upset about lacking a week later.

    Sometimes I wonder if it was the right thing to never contact him again as if I didn’t care. But the truth is that I cared so much, I couldn’t make myself do it and I couldn’t accept the role this action would imply for me.

  67.  #67Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Emerson: Each year I write a letter to myself. It is a letter of thanksgiving for everything that happened to me the last year. The difference is, the year hasn’t happened yet. Meaning…on January 1, 2013 I will write a letter to myself. It will be dated January 1, 2014 and will be a letter of thanks for everything I did for myself, everything I accomplished, all the blessings I received in 2013. I will then read the letter on January 1, 2014 and see how much of it actually came true. In the past, a LOT of it has.

    I seal the envelope, put it in my planner at the end of December and I don’t so much as peek until the following year on January 1 and then I see how much of what I *desire* to happen actually happened.

    It’s been really, really amazing. I’ve predicted J and I getting closer, a job promotion, our house on the lake, starting a blog, moving to TX…lots of things.

    I think it works because I write down what my heart really desires and those are also the things I work hardest for. I also think it works because I PUT IN WRITING what my goals are.

    And to top it off, it’s kinda fun to read what I thought my year would be like and compare it to what my year was really like.

    I have turned my friends on to this as well and many of them are using that tool in their families. One friend has her children write those letters every year too. 🙂

    Much Love,

    PS: I think the idea came from the book The Secret (or their website or something like that).

  68.  #68Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Indigo: I love this “I smother the feeling with gentleness when it comes.” I think that answers your question really well. I remember being very uncertain about where J and I were going. It was a really hard time and I had no idea what was going on inside of me or where that was going to take me. I was circular dating for a long time, that helped but mostly I just leaned back and waited to see how he was going to proceed.

    I also did a LOT of journaling during that time. And I picked up my Yoga practice a notch and did a lot of praying for myself and meditating. I don’t know if any of that helped…I’m not comfortable with uncertainty…but it’s what I did to get through.

    I wish I would have also smothered those feelings with gentleness. I struggled a lot instead and held way too many feelings and thoughts inside of myself.

    Much Love,

  69.  #69Femininewoman on December 28, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Memulo thanks for explaining. I really feel your heart. I believe when you are in a place where you really want nothing from him, is when I would encourage you to wait to lean forward if you are going to do it at all. Your energy, thinking and body has to be totally leaned back with the “whatever” attitude, if you can ever get there. You have to want nothing from him. I believe you will get to this place if you continue building up your self esteem until you get to a place where you really believe that you are enough for any man. When you are in a place that you doing nothing to prove anything to any man. When you are in the place where your happiness is such a priority that you are willing to walk away from anyone. I know you will get there and still be able to be warm and open sharing that about yourself so that it comes across as internal strength.

    I am rooting for you Memulo. You can do this 🙂 🙂

  70.  #70Goodheart on December 28, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Thank you Starla 🙂 I think I’m going to! (and I’m cheering for you & qz)

    (48) Tereana, thank you for the encouragement – I do feel the Universe is giving me a perfect set up for this right now 🙂

  71.  #71Femininewoman on December 28, 2012 at 6:49 am

    Tam – ‘oh, guess that we are exclusive then’.

    I would have asked him if this was an offer or a question, or maybe state that I prefer not to assume anything about anyone so nothing is assumed about me. Or maybe ask him if that is what he sees for us in the future or now. I believe it is this way that we get into imaginary relationships.

  72.  #72Femininewoman on December 28, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Sirenity a 58 year old woman from my church moved from New York to North Carolina about 2 years ago. She got married last year and seems to be very happy.

  73.  #73Goodheart on December 28, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Sirenity, the image of your dog is melting my heart.

    I just want to say that you don’t have to choose “country & single” OR “city and partnered.” There is a “country & partnered” choice in there.

    The Universe doesn’t have boundaries. It can bring to you whatever you want wherever you want it.

    You just have to ask & believe 🙂

  74.  #74Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Starla – RE 18 – J and I have this thing when we’re totally into body for life that gives us “extra time” so to speak. First, we set the alarm a half hour earlier than normal and give up the snooze button on the alarm (I also give up the snooze button for lent every year whether I’m on body for life or not). Snooze is simply not allowed and we force ourselves out of bed as soon as it goes off (I use this time for my morning meditation. J meditates sometimes but isn’t a regular so he uses it to get ready for work).

    Second, we have a “no sit down rule” (after work) which means neither of us can sit down until we have both worked out and had our protein drink (or healthy dinner). After that, we are free to do what we want for the evening. It helps a lot.

    Another thing that has helped is that we do not have TV (we have television sets but they are for internet only). We both decided (before we even met each other) that tv was a waste of time. We go out to watch football games and soccer games but other than that, no television at all. (We do watch movies sometimes though). It’s easier to find time (for us) when we’re not ‘addicted’ to a box in the living room entertaining us every Thursday night at 7:00pm. 🙂

    I don’t know if any of those ideas would work for you but since you said you were open to hearing them I thought I would share what works for us.

    Much Love,

  75.  #75Calypso on December 28, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Whew! I got paid today, so i went online and paid a couple of bills and just now the company that i have my car loan with called me at my desk and I was able to ANSWER THE PHONE!!! Like a big girl – Lol. AND – the lady i talked to was SO NICE! I actually really enjoyed the conversation and the joy of making a car payment!

    Life is good – i got this!

  76.  #76Violette on December 28, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Femininewoman and Daria, thank you for the acknowledgement and encouragement on the last thread. I feel so messy. I’m having fun but I’m stressed too, and it’s nice to remember that I am doing a lot of things right. That good is happening, no matter what comes of the relationships with these three guys.

  77.  #77Memulo on December 28, 2012 at 8:04 am

    FW, so you think I should have called again? It’s been 3 months. He’s dating this girl for 4 months or so. It’s way too late!!!!!

    He disappeared and I never tried to reach out again.

  78.  #78Starla on December 28, 2012 at 8:21 am

    FW 39
    My goddess self told me to go to the cards:)

  79.  #79Starla on December 28, 2012 at 8:27 am

    74 mercedes
    THANK YOU! I want to banish my snooze button very much, but honestly, there is a sleep monster in control at that hour. sometimes i wake up 2 hours later and realize i shut my alarm off and don’t remember doing it. haha.

    i really like the idea of not sitting down until you get your work out in. i could apply this to anything i worry i won’t get done in the evening.

    thanks again!

  80.  #80Starla on December 28, 2012 at 8:31 am


  81.  #81Starla on December 28, 2012 at 8:35 am

    QZ did ask me out for the weekend yesterday after all, in a very charming and sweet way and boat-rowing way.

    i felt so uneasy and worried yesterday. i do this to myself! this man took control of our “first” date, immediately contacted me when he got home to tell me how much he enjoyed seeing me, went out of town for xmas but wished me a happy birthday and always responded to my texts, and now that he’s back, he’s trying to make plans with me again.

    i do this to myself! i get the idea in my head that it’s not ‘enough’ and i feel not loved enough. and it destroys relationships. i do this to myself!



    i feel funny

  82.  #82BeLoved on December 28, 2012 at 8:42 am



    I use my cell phone as an alarm so I can set up 3 alarms, each 15 minutes apart, to get up as early as I need to. Because I’ve done the same thing, turn off my alarm and not realize it until daylight is coming through my window and I know I’m late! I love that I can use a gentle ringer, it helps 🙂

    I also have felt a strong pull to get up even earlier to complete my yoga practice and Sadhana so I am going to train myself to wake up and get up right away. It feels SO much better, I love the way it starts out my day. Hanging out in bed reviewing my dreams and letting my mind run is something I’m used to, that doesn’t feel so good…so as much as it pains me, I am going to try this:

    How to Get Up Right Away When Your Alarm Goes Off

    I can feel a part of me fighting this, but underneath it all of me knows breaking the habit is worth the discomfort and is going to pay off and feel SO good and improve my life in wonderful ways 🙂

  83.  #83Starla on December 28, 2012 at 8:50 am

    i have more to share

    in the past, my rigid attempts to lean back and not lead at all left my suitors with a confusing experience. it made things worse. so now i’m experimenting with doing things in a way that feels more natural to me, even if it’s leaning forward or telling him what to do, and it seemed to go over really well.

    In particular, he said we should get together at 5pm, but that he didn’t have the actual date figured out just yet.

    so i said something like ‘ok i will be ready for you at 5, and just warn me asap if i will require a hard hat or three winter coats or adderall.’

    i used to get really squirrelly and weird and miserable about not knowing how to prepare for a date without asking him directly. it felt so weird. just being myself and using my natural humor that i use with every other human being on the planet feels so much better.

    his response was so cute. he basically said yes he will let me know as soon as he knows. it sounded like he knew (from dating me) that it’s important to me know what the plan is, and i could tell he really preferred and honored my just requesting that he lets me know how to plan.

    so i said “sounds marvelous:)”

    easy peazy

    at first i felt so scared, too. i was worried and wondering if he was going to pick me up and plan something… but instead i was just like ‘yes of course he is. he’s asking me out. just assume it. and if i as a person happen to like to be able to prepare, then request his help in that!’

    ah so much simpler.

  84.  #84Starla on December 28, 2012 at 8:54 am

    beloved, the author of that article is describing ME haha

  85.  #85MovingMagic on December 28, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Thank you to those who responded to my question about the coming year. Gentleness seems to be a theme for many. 🙂

  86.  #86BeLoved on December 28, 2012 at 9:09 am


    Starla, lol, I know, right? Me, too…
    I love this:

    “If you want to get up at 5am, you don’t need more discipline at 5am. You don’t need better self-talk. You don’t need two or three alarm clocks scattered around the room. And you don’t need an advanced alarm that includes technology from NASA’s astronaut toilets.

    You actually need more discipline when you’re fully awake and conscious: the discipline to know that you can’t trust yourself to make intelligent, conscious decisions the moment you first wake up. You need the discipline to accept that you’re not going to make the right call at 5am. Your 5am coach is no good, so you need to fire him.”

    (or fire HER, :D)

    I need to accept that I can’t trust my 7am self to make good decisions about getting to Nia class – a couple of times I have just whooshed myself out the door, “DON’T THINK JUST MOVE, DON’T THINK JUST MOVE” and not felt awake until halfway through the class. I don’t regret those choices at ALL because doing it raises my self-esteem, while NOT doing it makes me feel mushy and lazy and stagnant.

  87.  #87Starla on December 28, 2012 at 9:21 am

    i really don’t want to practice getting out of bed lol. sounds exhausting

  88.  #88Indigo on December 28, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Hi Mercedes 68

    Thank you so much. Even though I don’t know you, I think of your and J’s story often.

    Yeah, smothering my feelings with gentleness is the ONLY thing that has worked. It’s such a profound feeling for me that my heart feels like it’s going to burst wide open, and if I’m not gentle with myself I could really hurt myself 🙂 I find being gentle with my feelings allows them to recede, rather than becoming even more tight and usually gives way to quite a beautiful feeling of contentment eventually.

    Thank you for your suggestions of Yoga and journalling. I love doing both those things! And they have fallen by the wayside a bit, so your suggestion was the sign I need to put a focus on them again. They are both great for keeping calm and restoring your state.

    You are right, uncertainty is SO hard and feels so bad at times! As I said, I draw courage from your story, and I am trying to have faith in my own, and not feel insecure and worked up about it 🙂

  89.  #89Calypso on December 28, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Alarms . . .

    I have alarms set on my phone. 1 goes off at 6;15 and i just shut it off and all the dogs keep right on sleeping, but when my 2nd alarm goes off at 6:25, all the dogs jump up and insist that I let them outside – If I try to hit snooze and go back to sleep, they jump on my bed and one of them in particular will lay right on my head until I push her off and get up! I don’t know how they all got conditioned to do this, but it has been going on for over a year and I know better then to try to stay in bed past that 2nd alarm . . .

  90.  #90Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Starla: I’m happy you found something useful in my words. I always believe when we get this many people together and ask for thoughts/advice/suggestions….we’re bound to come up with something that will help someone in some way. 🙂

    Indigo: Thank you so much for your kind words. The whole reason I decided to share my story (including the bad stuff) was in the hopes that someone else could draw strength from it as well. I smile so much when I hear it being read as an inspiration. Many times it is read as a bad thing (the past being used against me as a reason for how my relationship is “not that perfect”, etc) but each time I hear that someone has read it and taken it in the spirit it was written, my heart melts a little. I very much appreciate your feedback on that. 🙂 Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    BeLoved: I loved that article you posted. I agree with Starla…it sounds exhausting but I think it could really work. I’m lucky…J and I keep each other in check and we’re both really competitive. Neither one of us wants to be the one who couldn’t do it. I don’t want to be the one to say “I can’t get up” and neither does he. I don’t want to be the one who makes him stand up all night because I don’t feel like working out and he doesn’t want to do that to me either (and believe me, we would both literally stand up all night in an attempt to force the other one to work out. LOL). But I can see how, if I were on my own, practicing would help a lot. The more we do something, the more likely it is to become a habit and I can see how easy it would be to trick the mind into allowing us to do it automatically. That said, I think as I lay in bed pretending I’m sleeping and waiting for the alarm to go off, I’d probably fall asleep….haha!

    Much Love,

  91.  #91Starla on December 28, 2012 at 9:57 am

    whenever i shared a bed with a man, i’d have a much easier time getting up.

    it helps that they always seem to greet me with breakfast and hugs.

    qz called me every morning at 630 to get me out of bed but i lied every single day and said i was getting up. then i’d go back to sleep all cozy and warm from his voice.

  92.  #92Femininewoman on December 28, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Memulo your words don’t suggest that you have a “whatever” attitude Only when you get there would I consider contacting him if I were you.

  93.  #93Indigo on December 28, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Mercedes, it really is true 🙂 For some reason, your story really resonated with me.

    I like also how you’ve chosen to view committment for your relationship, and that marriage is not a necessary part of that for you. As I suspect I will feel the same way for my own relationship, I am drawn to this.

  94.  #94Indigo on December 28, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Wow Feminine Woman 69

    This is very nicely said

  95.  #95Senior Lady Vibe on December 28, 2012 at 11:19 am


    I commented to you after you mentioned me in the previous thread. My input was from my own experience, tools and resources.

    All the best to you.


  96.  #96Senior Lady Vibe on December 28, 2012 at 11:21 am

    My grandson has a cute way of say “…that’s awkward…”


  97.  #97Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Indigo: Yup…there’s a lot of pressure to get married when you’ve been dating as long as J and I have. LOL. I got to work after the holiday and I couldn’t count how many people checked out my left hand. I know what they were looking for. 🙂 It seems no matter how many times we tell people that may not ever be us, they just don’t get it (and pretty consistently tell us we “should” or ask us “when” we are). I’m happy you understand us! Neither of us have anything against marriage and we’re honestly happy for people when they make that choice. It just doesn’t feel necessary for US. We still celebrate that choice when friends or family unite in marriage.

    Much Love,

  98.  #98Indigo on December 28, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Mercedes, I do understand. It’s kind of how I felt when I was married and people were continuously asking when I was going to have a baby. I still don’t understand why people get so invested in a choice someone else makes for their own life in this way.

    I, too, celebrate marriage, I think it’s a beautiful thing and I love weddings! Having been married though I don’t feel the urgency to do it that I once did, and I just don’t think I need it at all to feel committed.

  99.  #99Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Indigo 98 – that’s exactly how we feel about it. 🙂

    Much Love,

  100.  #100Starla on December 28, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    i think our choices about marriage and babies are just an easy topic to quickly connect/latch on with other people, and that’s why coworkers and acquaintances ask things like that. i swear, deep down, we think we’re being good people and showing an interesting in your life, lol.

  101.  #101janie baby on December 28, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    I think getting through the bad parts of a relationship together and sticking through it makes a relationship alot more “perfect” than a relationship that was smooth sailing from the beginning because you know you can get past the bad times and you both stuck through.

    For mine though, I don’t know if I use this mentality as an excuse. If it never gets better, I need to know when to walk away. To stay or to walk away…..

    I told him last week “I will consider being your girlfriend again when you show me through your ACTIONS you want me to be your girlfriend and not your words.” I told him he was free to do as he pleased. For a week he was texting and calling. And when he called and told me he’d call me later, he would.

    I feel kind of hesitant like I made a mistake. Wednesday night when he called…we talked for a long time. He told me he missed me so much and can’t wait for me to come to SF. and said things like “well i’m not too worried about us because i think we’re meant to be” and he asked me if I been introduced to other guys and I said “no…” (which is the truth) and I said “why have you?” and he said “nooo my heart’s with you! you’re my baby” and so I felt comfortable and said “well the only reason I would hook up with someone else is to move on” and he said “well I’m not trying to move on” and I just felt soo comfortable and vunerable. And then he says “I’ll call you tomorrow”

    He never called yesterday. And hasnt called today yet….

    I just felt annoyed now. It always happens that as soon as I feel vulnerable and finally am trusting him he does something like this. Maybe he doesn’t think it’s a big deal but I just feel like if I can’t trust the little things why should I trust the big things?
    I don’t know. He knows it bothers me.
    I don’t even feel like telling him anymore.
    It makes me not want to answer the phone when he finally does call because I’m not even the mood anymore to say oh I didn’t like that. I don’t want to nag. I’m exhausted about the situation but I feel confused.
    Am i making a big deal out of nothing?
    Any thoughts?

  102.  #102janie baby on December 28, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    I feel guarded, and I want to be free!!!! I want to be free to explain my feelings but I also want to be wait untl I feel safe. I felt safe wednesday night but now I don’t since he didn’t follow through. It’s a pattern too. He doesn’t follow through as soon as I let my guard down too…..


  103.  #103Calypso on December 28, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Lord Above – GM must be off work and bored today – he keeps getting on FB – I swear it’s making me think he knows what he is doing to me!!! Augh . . . I don’t know what the heck he is doing ont here – he never says a dang word and does not have anything posted on his wall that i didn’t put there! The man only has 7 “friends” and 4 of them are mine! Ok . . . I’m done ranting. I’m not going to jump through the screen and rip his heart out. I’m breathing . . .

  104.  #104Starla on December 28, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    last night i took great care of myself and did all my laundry and put them away, even though i had to venture out in the sub freezing temperatures to get quarters for the machines since the credit card terminal was broken!! grr haha. and i vacuumed some of my apartment (it is time consuming because it’s been broken for a long time and while i wasn’t vacuuming, a lot of my very long hair collected on the carpet, so i have to get on my hands and knees and brush up all the hair so it doesn’t break the vacuum). and i made myself food, forced myself to sit down and mindfully eat it, let myself stand in front of the tv and crack up at a funny show for a few minutes instead of worrying about getting to bed, and did all my beauty rituals.

    feels good. i can make this an effortless part of daily life, i know it! everything else just falls in place when my home and body are cared for.

    love to me.

  105.  #105Indigo on December 28, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Starla 100: you’re quite right 🙂

    I see the loving intentions and the care in people who ask the questions. Sometimes it can feel as if they really have a vested interest in the outcome though, and I wonder why!

    But yes, people are well-intentioned by and large. I think even those who want you to get married and have babies are mostly only thinking of your happiness.

  106.  #106Starla on December 28, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    calypso, he might be chatting with a family member or something on fb

    his browser might log him in automatically to fb…

    especially if he has a tablet or his cell phone enabled with fb. it often shows you as online whenever the device is simply on.

  107.  #107Starla on December 28, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    i know i already said this (yeah yeah i know..) but i would take gm off your chat list!! it’s not good for you to go through this almost every day!

  108.  #108Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Janie Baby: I think this contacting you when he says he will means a lot more to you than it does to him and only you can decide if the way he is is good for you. It sounds to me like he really cares and wants to be with you and misses you when you’re away but at the same time, when things come up, he doesn’t make calling you a priority. I don’t think that means he isn’t thinking of you. Maybe you can ask him why he didn’t call. Ask if that’s something that will ever be a priority for him or if he thinks it’s something he won’t be able (or willing) to change. Not in a blaming kind of way, just in a “I need to know what this is going to look like moving forward” kind of way. It may be that he’ll never be one to call every time he says he will. It may be that there is a very good reason why he couldn’t. Until the two of you talk through 1) how much it means to you and 2) whether or not he can give you that…you’ll never really know. And then…you can decide if it is enough.

    I don’t know if you’re making a big deal out of nothing or not. it’s all in how you feel about it. It is very, very important to me that when J says he’s going to call, he does it. I’ve communicated that to him and he always calls when he says he will (generally this is when he’s out of town but when we weren’t living together it was even more important for me to hear from him…especially if he told me he would call). There were a few times when he didn’t do it, but after we talked through it, he changed that about himself. I don’t know if it would have been a deal breaker for me or not because it never got that far.

    I know I mentioned one time to say “Really? Because you haven’t been when you say you will…you really will call tonight?” and a lot of the ladies didn’t like that so much. For me, I think it’s time to have that conversation with him. This seems like a pattern and I really think it’s time to find out if he’s willing to change it or not. Then, with that information, you can decide if what he’s offering you is enough for you or if you need to walk away.

    I can tell you that if you “put up with it” you are giving the impression it’s okay with you. You’ll need to be very, very clear if it is a deal breaker or he’ll never know how much it hurts you.

    Starla: I agree…it is almost always said with love. That’s why I can laugh about it when I answer instead of getting upset like I used to. I think people just can’t imagine I could be this happy and not be hoping I’ll be his wife someday. A TON of women have pretty much insisted that under it all I “want” to be a wife and one friend thinks the only reason he hasn’t asked me is because I keep saying I don’t need it. I believe J and I have discussed it enough and we trust each other enough that we know what we want with regard to marriage. 🙂 and it has nothing to do with me pretending to not want it and he wanting it but not asking since I’m saying I don’t need it. LOL

    But yes…our happiness is certainly in their hearts when they talk to us about it. That I’m sure of.

    Much Love,

  109.  #109Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Guess what I’m doing ladies???? I’m sooooooo excited!!!!!!!!

    Much Love,

  110.  #110Starla on December 28, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    The maintenance man at my office building was starting up something with me.

    today my coworker joked to him that he’s married (he was mistaken) so he understands how women can be.

    maintenanceCD replied “i’m not married — no no i run faaaar far away from that.” and then they grumbled about women

    uh… NEXT?

    I walked away and I said, “well, I’m going to leave you two to your woman hating…”

    then he bumbled on about how he loves women. whatever hahahahaha i’m not going to date anyone that never wants to settle down. but thanks!

    he’s really quite a nice guy and helps me all the time with manly type things.

    i take it personally that he said that right in front of me though!

  111.  #111Starla on December 28, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    mercedes, color runs are way fun!

  112.  #112Sirenity on December 28, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Thanks FW and Indigo for those words . I do feel comforted .

    Good heart I believe in the Universe bringing what I want and it has happened for me with other matters, but in this case I have prayed, meditated, given gratitude, planted my hopes , written to myself , treasured a hearts desire box and everything else I ever came across to put it out there.

    I then took action re dating sites and self improvement . I just am not getting men responding who would match at all. I mean I get a few barely literate emails from hundreds of miles away and I get young men proposing sex.

    I think my vibe is usually pretty good .i am not hard or sarcastic or pushy. This means i also have lost a lot of my verbal humour in case it intimidates guys .The only other thing I have done is stopped chasing men and I have leaned back, eg they send a number and I don’t call it , I send back mine and they don’t call me .

    I wonder if I am too passive in this dog eat dog competitive world where online men have so much choice ? How should one approach a situation as an older woman when 70% of the site membership is female?

    I decided to try more real world exposure and I am booking conferences as much as I can this year and see if I can meet someone in my field . More ideas will o doubt flow soon.

  113.  #113Calypso on December 28, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Starla – I KNOW . . . lol. I do kind of like the idea of just thinking that he is online – not on FB, but maybe playing Hearts or something. I can picture him perfectly – I know right where he sits and what he looks like when he is at his computer . . . the little frownhe gets because his hands are so big he gets aggrivated at the keyboard. sigh . . .

  114.  #114Starla on December 28, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    wow i really do feel ‘attacked’ kind of by the fact that MaintenanceCD was hating on marriage right in front of me.

    haha i take it personally

    aw it’s okay starla

    you’re so marriageable:)

  115.  #115Smile on December 28, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Sirens, I kept my boundaries really well today with ambulance cd. It got very passionate and I shared I wasn’t ready for a sexual relationship yet. He respected that and said no rush, he really likes me. He keeps referring to me as being a keeper and doing forward thinking. I’m relaxed. I’m enjoying it totally but know my boundaries. I love me and my happiness and no ‘momentary’ pleasure with mislead me.

  116.  #116Smile on December 28, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Calypso 75, yey!

  117.  #117Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    I know Starla…I absolutely can’t WAIT!!!! J isn’t going to be able to go with me but I’m setting up a team so I won’t be doing it alone. Something like this is WAY more fun with friends than alone (although i think I could probably have a good time at something like that by myself too. lol).

    Much Love,

  118.  #118Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Smile: I love this: “I’m enjoying it totally but know my boundaries.” 🙂 YAY!!!

    Much Love,

  119.  #119Calypso on December 28, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    I need a handyman. I have so many projects at my house that need to be done and I love my sons. but bless them . . . they are not “handy”. I don’t want to ask a neighbor or impose on a friend and i don’t have any CD’s right now . . . hmmmm . . . well . . . they can wait a while longer, I guess :/

  120.  #120Tereana on December 28, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Leaning back is pretty hard right now. I feel off-balance! I probably don’t need to worry. Ok, whew. I definitely don’t need to worry.

    Confession: I found a cute pic of myself and I Wanted to send it to CCB. I guess that would be silly. The ‘small voice’ inside me is telling me not to, even though the big, magnetic voice is telling me to do it. It’s so shiny!

    But I’m writing here instead, so I won’t. I feel very tempted. But I feel like I have better perspective now. That would be silly, right! Like, hey, look at me! I need to just have my own life…even if my life right now is sitting on the couch, watching law & order svu. Lol

    It’s my favorite show 🙂

  121.  #121Starla on December 28, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    tereana, i think i recall you in your old-name days posting about sending a cutesexy pic of yourself to a man and not getting the response you wanted, and u ended up feeling pretty bad. was that you?

  122.  #122Smile on December 28, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Sex is really important to me. I would want to be sexually exclusive first to feel relaxed and comfortable and I don’t want to put any pressure on anything so it’s okay with me to keep just dating if that’s what you’d prefer. I’m looking for a lifelong relationship and I don’t want to give my heart away easily, I’d want to know we were on the same page with that.

  123.  #123Tereana on December 28, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Hm…this isn’t a “cutesexy” pic

    And that might have been me, but I’m not sure.

    I’m only talking about right now.

    I’m posting here because I am NOT planning to him anything. That’s the whole point. If you want to give me props for not sending it, that will help : ) bringing up past events that might have been failures won’t, because it will make me feel like I’m failing and not doing a good job. I’m feeling vulnerable and like I want some positive reinforcement here….

    Right now, I’m feeling almost like sending it again. But I won’t…:-/

  124.  #124Smile on December 28, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    118, thanks mercedes, I made a flunk the other night and didn’t keep my boundaries with cycle cd, I wanted to though, I didn’t do it to get anything, if I’m honest if felt good and I did want sex. No attachment came up for me. I have only ever had sex in instant relationships before. These have all ended up long term. I guess part of me wanted to experiment. I learnt a lot from it. I’ve since given my no sex speech and feel totally happy about what happened. It’s made me more confident to know what I want.

  125.  #125Smile on December 28, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    As time has gone on with my CDs sex has been the biggest factor to contend with. This is great practise. I’m NOT ready for a sexual relationship yet.

  126.  #126Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    tereana, i was hoping that reminding you that this is actually a pattern for you in desiring to lean forward with pics would take the edge off your urge and give you some perspective. like… “oh, this is something that just happens with me!”

    hugs to you

  127.  #127Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    also i don’t want to be lectured for asking questions when i can’t remember who did what, but whatever.

    i feel turned off now like how i would feel with a man


  128.  #128Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    yesterday i got defensive with some b*tch of a f*cking c*nt on my fb wall who was just trying to help so i really have no room to talk

    i’m feeling anger. i seriously hate that lady (not you, tereana! the woman that ticked me off yesterday)

  129.  #129Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    i don’t want to call people names but i also seriously dislike her.


  130.  #130Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Tereana: I think it’s awesome that you aren’t sending the picture. I know for me, I’ve used this blog as a “diversion” in the past and it works quite well. The stories and celebrations and struggles and babysteps and passions of the other women can sometimes help keep my mind off something it’s been obsessing about. I like that you’ve decided sending this picture is not something you want to do. I think though that a cute picture should absolutely NOT be hidden from the world though so do you have Facebook or an online dating site where you can post it and celebrate you?

    I need a new cute picture of ME to post online!

    Much Love,

  131.  #131Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Starla: Can you block her on FB? Why have someone you dislike so much as a friend?

    Much Love,

  132.  #132Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Smile: And isn’t this an awesome feeling? “It’s made me more confident to know what I want.”


    Much Love,

  133.  #133Calypso on December 28, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    I feel sort of keyed up – like i want to be doing something . . . I’m at work, which is doing something, but not really . . . lol. I want to really DO something, like clean my house, put away the christmas stuff and donate things I don’t want to the needy. I want to take action – maybe it is the full moon? The coming new year? I don’t know . . . I just feel energy building and i want to DO something with it.

  134.  #134Calypso on December 28, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    I just need to make sure I don’t focus any of that energy on the men in my life . . . this is not Lean Back Energy . . . this is kill something and drag it home energy!!!

  135.  #135Smile on December 28, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    132- mercedes, yes, a totally awesome feeling!!!

    I feel alive.
    My boundaries are not Walls

  136.  #136Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    mercedes, it’s a political connection. it doesn’t happen often that i’m “stuck” with a fb friend, but this is one of those cases

    uggghhhhh she’s old, she’ll die one of these days

    i’m an awful person but i’m just being funny.

  137.  #137Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    my brother (not by blood) didn’t invite me to his wedding and his wife (my old friend) didn’t think to invite me either

    i feel sad. they’re married now and i missed it. it’s amazing how people just suddenly drift and change.

    i’m probably better without them in my life.

    and i wish them all the best

  138.  #138MovingMagic on December 28, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Calypso, have a punching near by? 😉 Those things are life savers.

  139.  #139Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    i <3 my punching bag. i have pics of it on my fb:)

  140.  #140MovingMagic on December 28, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    I have pink boxing gloves. I feel girly when I wear them. Hehe

  141.  #141Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Ahhh…Starla…I get it. I have refused friendships with everyone I work with. I do not share my fb account that way at all. It’s waaaayyyy too “connected” out there for me to feel free and still have work associates (or worse…people who report to me) as fb friends. No thank you! lol

    My fb is for friends and family only. I have personally met every single one of my friends with the exception of one and we’ve talked on the phone a lot and really gotten to “know” each other without actually meeting (ie I feel comfortable with him). No work associates, no strangers, no people I don’t actually like. haha! I’m lucky that way.

    Much Love,

    Much Love,

  142.  #142Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    See what happens when I go back to edit a typo? Double love from Mercedes!!! 🙂

    Much Love (again),

  143.  #143Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    my fb started against my will when my boss at my old job made it for me. i was the outreach director and really i needed it. but i was so against fb. so i only used it for the political stuff, except for random personal posts to keep people engaged with me.

    now i love fb and one of these days i could create a ‘political’ only account, but i honestly love having the political and personal in one place — my political supporters are still supportive of me on a personal level to this day, and i enjoy it very much.

    but since it’s politcs/activism, you occasional get a very annoying know it all who is so obviously ignorant and BLAH

  144.  #144Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    and actually my current corporate world bosses are on my facebook and i don’t hide anything from anyone… they know i’m a big pot advocate and i listen to crazy death metal and think religion and tyranny can suck it.

  145.  #145Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    i have unfriended people when i found them publically calling out their friends over disagreements on their fbs. yikes. i will leave them to that and not let myself be found in the crosshairs one day

  146.  #146Starla on December 28, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    i’m being really aggressive. i just typed out an aggressive comment on a newspaper article, but then the site refreshed before i could post it. i let it go.

    sorry for clogging the board up with my aggro energy!

  147.  #147Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Starla: I can see that. For me, I don’t need people at working seeing me in a bikini or swearing or getting upset over something personal or even celebrating something J and I did over the weekend. That stuff doesn’t belong in my work world at all and this world is very, very small. I don’t want my co-workers to see me in any light that I don’t personally decide to bring into work with me. I’m very professional at work (although I do talk about personal things…it’s just not in writing in a sentence or two which can be interpreted in many different ways) and very NOT professional when I get home (except that J and I are in the same industry so we do talk about work when we’re home). nope, nope, nope….not for me. LOL!

    I also have a respect for the people who report to me so every time I have turned down their friendship requests I’ve explained (in person) that even though they might be comfortable being friends with me online, someone else who reports to me might not and will be uncomfortable knowing I, as their manager, can see some of what they post. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable with that so I just don’t mingle the business and personal part.

    I did used to have another fb account for nationwide industry stuff but dropped that maybe a year or so ago. It was about political industry views only and it wasn’t “me” in the sense that it wasn’t my name or my picture or anything else…just my thoughts and ideas on the subjects at hand. It was kind of fun but not necessary anymore. Now it’s just the real me, with my family, my friends, my pictures, my life and my love and does not include work or even this blog or even my own blog (I don’t even post when I put up a new article although I’ve considered making a separate fb for this kind of stuff. Currently I have no desire for my children or my father to see articles about my love life. haha!).

    Much Love,

  148.  #148Mercedes on December 28, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Hey ladies…you all have a FANTASTIC weekend!! Thank you for giving me someone to talk to today…work has been sooooo boring! For now…I’m outta here!

    Much Love,

  149.  #149Calypso on December 28, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    haha – no punching bags. I don’t feel like punching anything anyway – i feel like accomplishing something. Unfortunately, I have to work this weekend – I’d love to take this energy home and make something good of it. It will probebly be gone by the time I find myself at home with time off again.

  150.  #150Starla on December 28, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    you have a nice weekend too mercedes:)

    if you google my name, i’m all over the place with interviews in magazines and newspapers, articles i’ve written on activist topics that are important to me, etc. it used to make me uncomfortable but i’ve gotten such positive feedback about it, even from the people who literally pay my salary, that i had to decide to shy away from it or own it. i chose own it all the way.

    my company is also like a family. it’s a small firm and they’ve been to my orchestra recitals in college and whatnot… so i’m a lucky girl, huh!?!?!? :):):) if i work for a different company one day, i’ll reevaluate all this of course! but hopefully the next company I work for is Starla Inc:)

    i don’t send friend requests to my coworkers, though. i don’t want to put them in an awkward position of turning me down if they’re not comfortable. but when they send them to me, i accept:)

  151.  #151Starla on December 28, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    calypso, just set a timer for 15 minutes and get to work on something you want to do. even if it’s just STARTING something. it’s great for productive energy to keep it flowing. like pumping breast milk. or something. i’m weird.

  152.  #152Calypso on December 28, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    STARLA! ROFLMAO . . . I hate to think how many times I am going to think of pumping breast milk out of the blue this evening and in the coming days, but knowing me, it will be a lot and I will laugh again and think of you – silly girl. Those days are long behind me! LOL again . . .

  153.  #153Luzydel on December 28, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    “D” is always too busy for me; so since I cannot make him un-busy; I will leave him alone; today he finished a conversation saying “It’s you call” meaning is up to me…
    No it is not up to me! He is the one back pedaling; so why do I have to do the work?

  154.  #154Tereslyn on December 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Men respond to no contact, right? He called me twice tonite … Message “just checkin on you” I didn’t answer, have a date with tooyoungCD tonite. Thinking I will call long distant guy back tomorrow sometime, if I feel like it. Any advice? I wanna call him back but scared the convo may keep me from havin a good time on my date.

  155.  #155Femininewoman on December 28, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Calypso even thinking about the men is focussing a lot of energy and chasing them. Is what I understand. That energy generated by FB is too much leaning forward.

  156.  #156Femininewoman on December 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    RE 154 – You could answer his call. Then after 2 minutes tell him you’re busy and will call back later. Later can mean anything.

  157.  #157Tereslyn on December 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Excellent idea… Will do if he calls back, otherwise I’m gonna go out n practice those CD rules and see what happens…. Feel like I’m doin a research project, lol

  158.  #158kitty_jo on December 28, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Is there a way to get my ex to suddenly want to spend new years eve with me? I know theres still feelings there on both our parts.

  159.  #159Memulo on December 28, 2012 at 5:37 pm


    I just read your comment to me with all this unpacking and taking care of things. While I was doing all this I was checking with myself on what’s the right thing for me to do and I feel so offended by the disappearing act and by being ignored that I can’t seriously make a contact. If a guy wants to talk to me he needs to make an effort. I don’t know if I am ‘a prize’ but I can’t compromise my dignity.

    Starla, absolutely, be yourself, be funny, witty and say whatever the h-ll you feel fit. You’re amazing and he is in love with YOU, not some set of the ‘right’ behavior rules, whoever knows what they are, let him enjoy you.

  160.  #160Tam on December 28, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    Hm FW…Imaginary relationship is exactly what I want to avoid. And instant relationship also.
    Interestingly, I talked about that to Curly very early on, probably on the first date because he already declared an interest in me then and a pretty strong one at that, well we had met a couple of times before.
    He understood that I didn’t want a man to come on too strongly basically, so he has been holding back and giving me lots of time and he still is. And today we had a misunderstanding as he actually wanted to accompany me to town but I thought if he isn’t firming up plans I just go by myself.
    Turned out that he was waiting for me to call and let him know when I wanted to go, and me, well I just left early in the morning thinking that he hasn’t made plans so I go myself. He was a little upset but not majorly.
    As I was on my way back he interrupted his night out with the boys to fetch me from the bus station and take me home….and I didn’t invite him up or anything.
    Aaanyhow, he mentioned it in the car again. He just said that he is not seeing anyone else and doesn’t intend to, that he is a one woman man etc etc. He didn’t ask me anything but he seems quite confident that I am not dating anyone else for some reason. The man has a lot of confidence, and I am not used to that. Almost bordering on c*cky…saying that I will realise that he is in my best interests and that he is the best man for me, and that he will make me happy. He makes me laugh!!
    I am beginning to feel like he might be serious about this, which is pretty intriguing.

    Just now I looked a complete mess from running around in a city all day, mad hair and really old clothes…comfy shoes…I really did not look attractive at all. And Mr ‘my ex girlfriend lived in jeans and I hated it’…he likes women that dress feminine, well anyway, he looked at me as if I was standing in front of him in a ball gown or something…and when I said that I felt exhausted and scruffy he said I looked great. Too funny. I really didn’t!!!

    I don’t know. This does not feel like the start of an imaginary relationship. At all. While I was gone for the day he was constantly checking in with me as though he was worried about me, like how I was getting home and when…if he should fetch me etc. He timed his night out around when I was getting back. I felt really cared for and like a priority, it’s nice actually. I still feel very hesitant and we will see what happens…but I have been holding back on the giving aspect totally, and other than a little bit of kissing and cuddling there has been nothing so I feel like I have expended hardly any of my energy on this man…and he just keeps stepping up.
    I am not sure this ever happened to me in that way before, and we will see what happens on that front.

    Not sure what to do about sex. I still feel like holding it off for another 2 weeks or so at the very least. I seem to have got over the cringeyness with the age difference completely now, and I wonder when that happened. It’s a non-issue all of a sudden.

  161.  #161Tam on December 28, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    It’s probably the first time in my life that I feel loved in some way, and certainly pursued and cherished and respected and everything else that feels pretty good and yet I seem to be able to keep a clear head about it all….I am not sure whether all this age difference stuff and the fact that Curly is not my type of man at all actually worked to my favour. Right now anyway.
    This definitely has never ever happened before.
    Although my first ever long term relationship, and the best one I ever had, started out somewhat similar…as more of a friendship with very little initial attraction.
    I feel quite intrigued, and also very happy that sex has not even been considered yet. I guess it must have been jumping into sexual relationships too quickly that has perhaps clouded my judgement all these years.
    I am having a bit of an epiphany here…

    On a side note, I wish I had more CD’s. And on another side note, even if I did, I would probably have trouble doing anything because he is kind of monopolising my time a little, and even said ‘I am going to monopolise your time as best I can now’.
    Well, let’s see….

  162.  #162Tereana on December 28, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    You know, I guess 2.5 months without sex isn’t that long. Considering I had no sex or dating for three years at one point – before I met the guy I got engaged to. I guess I don’t need to be so ‘chaste.’ but still. I can wait ; )

  163.  #163Tereana on December 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    @starla – thank you for your post earlier. I don’t know why, but I think I got triggered when I read it. And I still really don’t know if that was me you were thinking of or not. Lately, I keep getting guys who send me *their* pics (unasked for). Totally legit pics, with clothes on and everything ; ) they are cute, and I thank them. But when they request I send one back, I say I would feel more comfortable meeting in person. That’s mostly what’s been happening for me lately. Not me “leaning forward.” I only tend to do that with guys that I “like”/don’t like. And it’s a different thing. Usually not with pics…

  164.  #164Tereana on December 28, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Calypso – lol. Animals are the most persistent alarm clocks!!

  165.  #165Tereana on December 28, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    Janie baby – I think it’s okay to feel “judgmental” about something you feel is morally wrong. Your friends were gossipping about your other friend. That felt bad to you. Maybe in the past you would have stayed and listened. But this time, you really felt how wrong it felt to you, and you left. You refused to participate. I think this is wonderfully strong, and shows a lot of courage. Perhaps “progress.”

    This is not, to me, about taking it “personally.” You are now trusting yourself and your feelings, instead of just going along with your friends. That’s fantastic!

  166.  #166bloom-ing on December 28, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    hmm i forget if i’m in moderation..

  167.  #167bloom-ing on December 28, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    i LOVE susie & otto collins : )))

  168.  #168Smile on December 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    He said before I left this afternoon ‘ I want you to think of me’ grr I have been! But it’s nice 🙂

  169.  #169Emerson on December 29, 2012 at 12:17 am

    Hi Sirens!
    After telling blueCD I prefer to have plans ahead of time and want to be asked out properly, I have not heard from him… (responding to last minute invites to his thanks)

    Kinda disappointed but feel ok holding my boundary…I was nervous sending the text but I did it… He responded something about his schedule being so crazy … Buuuut he told me already he had a set work schedule..
    Pffffttt excuses = not available = turned off

  170.  #170Smile on December 29, 2012 at 12:57 am

    Things I like about ambulance cd…

    He calls… Not just texes
    He helped me try new things, like dancing!
    We have fun
    He’s respectful
    He makes me feel desirable
    He’s passionate
    He’s manly
    He paid for dates
    He helps me put my coat on
    He paid for my taxi home
    He makes plans ahead of time, he can’t wait to see me… So when am I going to see you again? I want it to be soon!
    He connects we me with more than passion, he says things like ‘ tonight was great on so many levels’
    He says I make him smile
    He makes me smile

    Were on date number 6
    Can’t believe I’ve been crating for 1 month now! Wow!
    Go me!

    Hmm not sure what I can say about cycle cd… Other than things I want him to do more of…?

  171.  #171Smile on December 29, 2012 at 12:59 am

    Emerson, yey to boundaries!! I’m finding it easier saying what I want now.

  172.  #172Smile on December 29, 2012 at 1:02 am

    We’ve spoken a lot each day, I’m practising being soft and vulnerable, sharing my feelings that come up. Just around everyday things. I’m melting telling him things I enjoy and what I like… Guess what, he does it more!!!!

  173.  #173Smile on December 29, 2012 at 1:13 am

    Wow I love being this feminine 🙂

  174.  #174Smile on December 29, 2012 at 1:14 am

    Feels so soft and gentle. I’m floating around on soft White clouds.

  175.  #175Smile on December 29, 2012 at 1:15 am

    I love my happiness soo much. I have so much love for myself I’m willing to walk away from anything which doesn’t make me feel good.

  176.  #176Smile on December 29, 2012 at 1:41 am

    Love this dominique…

    “True love and intimacy is so rarely an instantaneous thing. True intimacy takes time and an ever growing and deepening knowing of each other to develop. True intimacy is something which continues to blossom the longer you are together. True intimacy increases and makes more profound your love for each other over time.

    True intimacy supports and reinforces, allows you to know that your emerging and blossoming goddess self journey is the right path for you.

    When true intimacy is created between you and your man, it will make you want to share yourself with him. True intimacy makes you want to reveal your heart to him with vulnerability in ways you may have never thought possible. You will feel an increasing safety and desire to open up to him with ALL the cells of your body, mind, AND heart.

    And you will feel a deep desire to RECEIVE from him, and this will feel SO right. Yet true intimacy also allows you to give back to him without any sense of expectation because you’re already so filled up.

    True intimacy will make you want to merge with him as one yet still remain distinctly and beautifully you.

    True intimacy makes you want to create with him.

    True intimacy will make you feel WARM and REALLY, REALLY GOOD all over, inside and out. You will feel so safe, so loved, so cherished, and so connected in ways which mere words cannot well express”


  177.  #177Smile on December 29, 2012 at 1:45 am

    I feel excited to create intimacy and share myself vulnerably.

  178.  #178Smile on December 29, 2012 at 2:19 am

    Yes, attraction is important but not to get caught up in it… Yet for the guy it’s all about attraction. This creates a bit of confusion in me…?

  179.  #179Sirenity on December 29, 2012 at 3:03 am

    Thanks ,SLV I just found your recommendation and I am going to look for that book (maybe its downloadable). I couldnt see your ppost for looking 🙂

    I am considering maybe staying overnight one night a week in the city (working 2 days there ) as I did do that years ago and could probably get dog minding help with that plan on a weekly basis .

  180.  #180Daria on December 29, 2012 at 4:58 am

    I still have Scorpio CD at my house and I feel scared in gonna lose Nanny CD cuz I haven’t answered his contacts for two nites.

    We’ve often seem each other everynite he’s free which is almost everynite without plans ahead. It felt good to have someone want to see me so consistently. I still feel moved thinking about it.

    I feel afraid I’m gona push Scorpio CD out for fear of losing my other CDs.

    Also No Name CD has contacted and I haven’t answered everytime yet.


    I love my fear

    I love my sadness

    I love my guilt

  181.  #181Daria on December 29, 2012 at 5:08 am

    I love you Datia, thanks for voting for me tonite and day.

  182.  #182Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 5:23 am

    Intimacy, on the other hand – is slow growing.
    It makes you bump up, time and time again, against your old habits, stale patterns, your beliefs that have gotten you through life up to this point.
    Intimacy challenges your heart, mind, body and soul to rethink themselves.
    Intimacy – when you create it, and when a man can do it, and when you feel it – opens up ALL the cells of your heart, mind, body and soul to a relationship with a man.


  183.  #183Calypso on December 29, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Saturday morning and I’m back at work – sigh. That’s ok. I’m lucky to have a job that i love.

    I’m getting excited about how I have shifted the order of my goals for myself, now putting my own happiness and emotional well being at the top of my list – understanding that my other goals will just fall into place if I accomplish my first one. I have NEVER put myself at the top of any list – have never put myself first – ever. What an amazing concept. I’m going to love myself and see what that feels like. Yummy.

  184.  #184Smile on December 29, 2012 at 5:29 am


    My nephew is colouring on an old diary from 2012. He’s pulling the sheets off the colour on. He just came brought me a page with colouring on it…. Can you believe it, strummingman had decorated his own birthday page! That came from no where! Wonder what that message is…?

  185.  #185Tam on December 29, 2012 at 5:50 am

    184..urgh, Smile, Universe sending us triggers

  186.  #186Tam on December 29, 2012 at 5:53 am

    175 Smile, yay!! I am at exactly the same point in my life…my happiness and contentment is not being compromised anymore. I have power over myself and not others, I can make myself happy….so cool.

  187.  #187Smile on December 29, 2012 at 6:03 am

    I’m noticing I want more of those warm yummy feelings!! I’m feeling ravionous… Give me more!!!

  188.  #188Smile on December 29, 2012 at 6:06 am

    Hi tam, urg worked through the triggers. Took great delight in ripping up the page!
    Thank goodness I’m in a great place. It could have been only too easy in the past to text and tell him what happened! Cringe.

  189.  #189Tam on December 29, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Curly ran a red light with me yesterday….actually, racing through it as it just turned, with the little old racer…making a lot of noise…and I sank into the seat and made a little noise. He said ‘did I scare you?’ I just said ‘well, a little’.
    Next light turned from green to yellow and he stopped, tyres screeching, he could have gone through on yellow….that’s a result, I guess. This time I flinched because I thought we’d get rear-ended. Hahaha.
    He is a little crazy, which I like. MrP was also a little crazy. The difference is that MrP is extremely security and safety conscious. To an extreme. I always felt 150% safe with him.
    With Curly, well, he is a loose cannon and although I feel safe with him, there are times when I am feeling a little scared. He showed me a mark on the side of the road and said ‘that’s where I totalled my last car’. And I was thinking ‘OMG, that’s hardly inspiring’. He is a very good driver and he was cut off, actually, but he does put his foot down when he can and I feel only semi-safe.
    I like to feel safe with a man.

  190.  #190Smile on December 29, 2012 at 6:22 am

    FW, 182,I want to create intimate encounters. This idea feels loving and exciting.

  191.  #191Heart on December 29, 2012 at 6:22 am

    Hello Sirens,

    HoundCd is kind of cool! He’s making me sort of realize just how lacking CudG is as a love interest…hmmm.
    Regardless…Im committed to Cding for now. Don’t want go get thrown off my horse.
    Things are a bit busy right now.

  192.  #192Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 6:25 am

    Calypso how about implementing a regular daily mantra that you say up to 10 times per day like:-

    “I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself”
    “I am my own best friend”
    “I am getting better and better everyday”
    “I am open to receiving the energy of more and more love”.

    Something that sings to your heart

  193.  #193Smile on December 29, 2012 at 6:25 am

    I’m feeling desirable. I love these feelings he has created in me. It’s been a month and he’s respected the no sex boundary. He says there’s no rush he likes me. He’s not had sex in a few months.

  194.  #194Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 6:27 am

    “I love these feelings he has created in me”

    I want to believe you created those feelings.

  195.  #195Heart on December 29, 2012 at 6:28 am

    Just as I wrote that Houndcd tried to Bootycall me….Yuck! I feel so Pissed.

    funny stuff…Eeeeyou.

  196.  #196Heart on December 29, 2012 at 6:30 am

    I lied about seeing CudG as lacking…
    I’m trying to force myself to see him as less…so I can shift my vibe…
    Truth is…I still like him a lot…Still committed to Cding…Rome wasn’t built in a day.

  197.  #197Heart on December 29, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Sirens – is it ok to suggest what u want to do for a date…for example: I want to go to So and so place….

    or is that Masculine energy?

  198.  #198Calypso on December 29, 2012 at 6:44 am

    FW – that’s a lovely idea. I will come up with a montra that makes my heart sing with love for ME 🙂

  199.  #199Smile on December 29, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Oo I like that FW, I feel powerful knowing I created these feelings!

    I want to create more. I’m revelling in how great I feel right now.

  200.  #200Heart on December 29, 2012 at 6:49 am

    I feel angry HoundCd tried to bootycall me
    I feel guilty for putting down CudG
    I feel Despondent…
    I wonder: When will I meet someone Awesome!
    I feel grossed out for giving him a chance…

  201.  #201Heart on December 29, 2012 at 7:01 am

    I feel giggly
    I feel angry
    I feel giggly….

  202.  #202Smile on December 29, 2012 at 7:08 am

    I’m trying to figure out the difference between passion which is good and passion to be weary of… Is it just passion only we should be weary of? Like beware him just being interested in sex only? What about a passionate man looking for a relationship…? Can anyone help me around this if it makes sense…?

  203.  #203Smile on December 29, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Aw he texes me as soon as he wakes up 🙂 I feel smiley all over

  204.  #204Smile on December 29, 2012 at 7:27 am

    I’m like waterwheel with his energy flowing towards me

  205.  #205Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 7:37 am

    RE 197 – Italian would feel good
    Walking on the beach holding hands would feel calming and romantic.

    BUT only if he asks, “insists that you choose” after you tell him something like you feel comfortable allowing the man to lead so you can feel relaxed and Goddessy or surprising you. Steering the direction of a date is emasculating a man. I believe it is different if he asks because he wants to make sure you are happy.

  206.  #206Heart on December 29, 2012 at 7:52 am

    Thanks FW…:)

  207.  #207jennydamsel on December 29, 2012 at 7:54 am

    pls,rori i want to continue receiving your mail.they are very helpful.thanks..jenny

  208.  #208Calypso on December 29, 2012 at 8:14 am

    I’m excited about this coming year with my son being stationed at Pensacola, FL Naval Air Base . . . it is only 350 miles from where I live, which means i will be able to go down and visit him frequently, which means i will be going to the beach A LOT this year, which is soooooo good for my soul! I already have girlfriends wanting to make trips with me, I know my other sons will want to go sometimes and I really want to make the trip by myself a time or two. It will be a huge part of my effortt o put myself first and work to improve my emotional well being. Walking alone on the beach, picking up shells and just being me . . . I wish I could go right now! Of course he isn’t there yet, so that would be rude – lol

  209.  #209k2012 on December 29, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Hey ladies how are u all doing? I am having a nice vacation with my family. I leave to go back to my home today after having a wonderful time with my family. Leaving in early afternoon. The article above was good and sometimes a few arguments indeed develop with u and your mum. These things do happen at times. It is a normal part of family life. No arguments with Mum. I am always happy to come home. Well, ladies for those of u who remember my disappearing ex story I have some news. I know we are so many on here that we might not necessarily remember individual stories but for me k2012, my story is disappearing ex. Lol. Until I have a new story to add which I hope will be entitled “New Guy” and “circular dating.” Well, I called my sister overseas two nights ago, she told me my ex text her and wished her Merry Christmas. She responded. I told my parents and my other sister who were quite surprised. Funny, ex is accusing his ex brother in law (his ex wife’s brother) of doing the same thing that he is now doing. His ex brother in law used to call him sometimes. Don’t know if he has stopped by now. My ex sounded a bit critical of his ex brother in law calling as I suppose he wouldn’t expect that any member of his ex wife’s family would be keeping in touch with him. Well he is doing the same thing now, but he is on the other side by keeping in touch with his ex’s (me) family,(my sister overseas in this case. I also told hairdresser/relationship counsellor and she said that he wants to find out what is going on cause noone is saying anything to him. She said he is not hearing from me, my sister overseas who he text is not saying anything to him about me, in fact she has not asked him anything about it, so hairdresser says he feels guilty and is fishing for information. She (hairdresser) is saying he will call me this year. I don’t know ladies. I know hairdresser is accurate but I am not focusing on that. I want to meet new guys, that’s what I am focusing on. Then. Now, I went to bed and dreamt that disappearing ex lived beside me and drives a red car. Lol. Lol. Oh gosh, will I ever get him out of my thoughts. Understand why I need to meet a new guy now? Lol. Any thoughts ladies would be appreciated.

  210.  #210Emerson on December 29, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Mercedes thank you for explaining about the letter to yourself! I love that idea… I’m soo gonna do it! Ill try anything to push myself to he next level…. I’ve been feeling a little stuck or maybe it’s just impatience …

  211.  #211k2012 on December 29, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Rori, I hope u will be able to respond to me. I need your opinion. If my ex (disappearing ex) calls me, in your opinion as a relationship expert, how do u think I should deal with him in your opinion? It occurred to me this morning that I should just ask u as an relationship counsellor? Looking forward to your response. I need your counsel. Thanks a lot in advance.

  212.  #212k2012 on December 29, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Correction: hairdresser says he will call me next year, not this year.

  213.  #213Violette on December 29, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Grrrrr…J hasn’t called in over a week. I feel so angry!! We slept together and he promised sexual exclusivity…bought me a spa day, took me to a fabulous restaurant, asked me to move in and have a baby with him (yeah…), told me I was the sexiest woman in the world and he was afraid of his strong feelings for me, and now he’s gone!

    I know better than to believe those words mean anything because he’s starting to reveal a pattern…but it slips in.

    I keep letting it go, letting it go, over and over again, just focus on me and my other dates and my full life. This is good for me. It’s a very valuable skill, and I’m becoming a better woman for it.

    Feels good to vent though! xo

  214.  #214Smile on December 29, 2012 at 10:51 am

    ((violette)) my immediate thoughts around this were that maybe he is trying to gather his thoughts around this to make sure he can go the distance… Cc often talks about men withdrawing after intense emotional connections to do this.

  215.  #215Smile on December 29, 2012 at 10:56 am

    When both my CDs contact me and make dates my guilt about c dating seeps in.

    cycled just texed with an amazing date to go on. I’m like wow, he listened when I said I wasn’t ready for dates at a guys house. I also told him I want to keep my options open.

    Ivegot another date with ambulance cd too.

    Ambulance cd texes me all the time. I love his energy coming towards me.

    Neither are showing signs of backing off.


  216.  #216Smile on December 29, 2012 at 10:59 am

    K2012, I’m not sure rori always sees requests like this on the blog unless it’s your first post or goes through moderation. I might be wrong though. If you want professional advice could you pose a question to dominique? I just want to make sure your heard.

  217.  #217Frannie on December 29, 2012 at 11:26 am

    I am feeling so irritated today! I’m on vacation with my family, which you would think would be great…but I have a 2 1/2 year old and his behavior has been terrible since we got here last week. We will be here a few more days, but all I can think about right now is how I want to change my flight and go home. Ahhhhh!

    Hope all you sirens out there are feeling better then I am today. Thanks for letting me vent.

  218.  #218Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 11:26 am

    202: Smile

    If a man just want to pend time with you just for sex and doesn’t go out with you places; all he wants is go to your place for sex and leaves after… That is just sex.

    All men want sex it is normal, but those who want it attached to a relationship also want to get to know your soul, your taste in music etc. and do things with you out and about.

    Gee I kinda answer my own question as well 🙂

  219.  #219Smile on December 29, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Thanks luzydel!!!!

    I feel great now. One cd is high passionate and makes me feel soo desirable. It’s been a month now and I was a little cautious not to get seduced by his passion. As times gone on though there is a lot of energy coming from him to get to know me.although he does want sex, I can see it’s more than this. Thank you 🙂

  220.  #220Smile on December 29, 2012 at 11:59 am

    I can see how important it is to be totally honest and vulnerable with CDs. Without doing this through fear I would be feeling a massive injustice towards myself and my happiness.

  221.  #221Tam on December 29, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    I went for a walk with Curly and dogs…it felt very nice. I have seen him twice for prolonged periods in daylight now. He actually looks pretty cute. haha.
    And of course, yet another female friend pounced on him, even on the beach. Jeez, they are everywhere…haha.
    When I left he said that I always leave him wanting more. It dawned on me that this is probably a good thing.

  222.  #222Smile on December 29, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Here’s an interesting thought about circular dating… What about valentines day…! has anyone experienced being invited out by all their CDs?

  223.  #223Tam on December 29, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    He felt the need to defend himself ‘they are just friends, I don’t sleep with them’. I just stood there, smiling, and said ‘yea, yea, yea’…and changed the topic. I couldn’t care less right now, actually.

  224.  #224Tam on December 29, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    222 Smile, you made me are well into the spirit of CDing..ha!

  225.  #225Smile on December 29, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Ha tam, yup!! Totally in the spirit of it!! He he!

  226.  #226Smile on December 29, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    It’s feeling a bit dangerous to me at the minute which is why I need to be totally hOnest about dating others and keeping my options open

    Ugh the feelings that come with dating 2 men…

  227.  #227Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Funny thing is that That is all with “D” lol he is just sex; Oh well. I don’t know if a man wants more from me anyway; I tend to attract men that way and even when I hold sex; they just disappear.

    Cheers to single life and to do what I want!

  228.  #228Frannie on December 29, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    How exactly do I circular day if I have a boyfriend? I can’t really afford to buy any of Rori’s programs right now bc I’m unemployed and going back to school. I have the love scripts program and use the feeling messages with my man. They seem to work most of the time. I really need to try this circular dating though. Also, can anyone give me any insight into the toxic men program?

    Thanks Sirens!

  229.  #229FlowerChild77 on December 29, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I usually feel a ‘let down’ after Christmas…kind of sad and lost, etc. This year I feel different. I had the most amazing Christmas Eve and Day. I was actually “floating” for a few days after…and it had nothing to do with romance or men.

    I still feel uplifted and blown away, but in a more real-life way. I feel a deep peace and hope for my future. I’m actually very excited about it. I’ve been feeling this little ‘spark’ of awe and gratitude for some time, and now that it’s going to be a new year, it’s getting stronger by the minute.

    I’m not so much about the ‘new year resolutions’ (although I do have some goals–I don’t want to put them into that context, as this feels SO much BIGGER than all that.)

    I’d never have gotten to this ‘place’ without Rori and the friends I’ve made here. You are all such an inspiration. 2012 was such a tough year for me and I am finally able to see light at the end of the dark, dark tunnel of loss and pain.

    I am so blessed that sometimes I can’t stop my heart from beating out of my chest with excitement and gratitude. I feel like the “luckiest” (for lack of a better word) girl on earth. I am blessed beyond what I ever hoped or dreamed and am thankful many, many times a day. I just put my hand on my heart and sigh…smiling and shaking my head in utter amazement. Sometimes it’s so strong it brings a tear or two.

    And the surprising thing is….that nothing has really changed. It’s all ME. I’m focusing on the fact that I can BE, do or have anything I set my heart and mind on. In that order… 😉

  230.  #230k2012 on December 29, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Hey Smile thanks for your interest. Dominique is a professional counsellor too? Ok, I didn’t know. I would appreciate her counsel as well. Maybe she could also ensure that Rori sees it. I will ask her.

  231.  #231k2012 on December 29, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Dominique and Rori, I hope u will be able to respond to me. I need your opinion. If my ex (disappearing ex) calls me, in your opinion as a relationship expert, how do u think I should deal with him in your opinion? It occurred to me this morning that I should just ask u as an relationship counsellor? Looking forward to your response. I need your counsel. Dominique I would really appreciate if u could ask Rori this question for me. I certainly value both of u opinions as professional counsellors. Thanks a lot in advance.

  232.  #232Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Wow I just stumbled on this article about this woman and I got this statement…

    “Nobody can promise you anything great later.” “You have now. And so, stop waiting for a gift at the end and start just being present and enjoying your life now.”
    J. Gilbert

  233.  #233k2012 on December 29, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Smile that is something else to be invited by all your cd’s on valentine’s day. How would choose in a case like that? I suppose u would choose the guy who is your favourite.

  234.  #234Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    FlowerChild you sound great

  235.  #235Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Smile for the guy who is pushing for sex, I would definitely take it slow. Maybe even make shortterm monthly commitments with him. At the end of each month see if he wants to continue dating. I would definitely wait the longest with him to see if he can be creative enough to find other ways to express his passion for you so you feel romanced.

  236.  #236Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Wow! D sent me this long text message stating that ring now he doesn’t want a long term relationship, maybe in a year or so, but not now. Etc. etc.

    Here we go again!

    I don’t feel as bad as I did the first time he told me the same… All I could say after that was this…

    I can’t deal with him anymore; I have to ignore him next time he comes back…

  237.  #237Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    This is what he said…

    “I totally agree with you. You’re right! We want two different things at this point of our lives. Not that having a loving committed relationship with you
    is a bad thing. I think it would be great thing for me or any Man to have with you because your a remarkable woman in so many different ways.

    Its just for me personally I’m not for any committed relationship at this point. Maybe a year or two years from now. Who knows. Just not at this point. I really would love to obviously remain friends forever though. You’re a great person. I can never have to many great people in my life.”

  238.  #238GlowStix on December 29, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    “I am a king, and kings are meant to be worshipped…”

    “Oh, definitely. And I am a Goddess. Kings worship goddesses.”

  239.  #239Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    And suddenly another CD from the past shows up in my yahoo msnger lol he was one of my first CD when I started using RR’s programs; Realtor CD hah he got mad at me ’cause he said I do not let people in…

  240.  #240Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Talking with two cd’s lol Gee what a difference from now and two years ago… yup it feels bad, but it is not a disaster!

  241.  #241k2012 on December 29, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    “cause he said I do not let people in”. Luzydel, that’s how it goes sometimes. Were u uncertain of him?

  242.  #242Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Realtor CD always gave me that player vibe; that is why I kinda acted aloof with him… he was funny though; always picking on me to get a reaction…

  243.  #243Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I wonder if I am that type of woman…the type that men never forget, but never get to commit to either. Sort of like I can commit to you but I cannot let you go either… that feels bad; 🙁

  244.  #244Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I meant cannot commit to

  245.  #245k2012 on December 29, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Men like those Luzydel u circular date. Any man who won’t commit, u circular date, trust me.

  246.  #246MovingMagic on December 29, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Luzydel, is there something in *you* that is unwilling to commit?

  247.  #247Lori on December 29, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I have been dating a man for six months. In the beginning he had told me that he didn’t want a relationship. I said okay and left him alone. He had had a really bad breakup after three years and just wanted to regroup. He contacted me three days later and said he would like to see me. We talked all the time so I was okay with it. Up until a couple of months ago, we saw each other every two weeks. He lives an hour and a half from me. Because of the industry that he is in, November and December are his busiest months. We haven’t seen each other much. We saw each other on Weds evening. It was apparent that he was so stressed out that he couldn’t even focus. He told me today that he doesn’t want a relationship and that it has nothing to do with me. That he’s just a mess and completely stressed out. He needs time to finish out the season and get himself back together. He told me that he would like us to remain friends and that down the road when things are better for him, that we could possibly see each other again. He says he really likes me and cares for me.

    I really like him and had developed feelings for him. I thought he had them for me too. I didn’t wig out on him but let him go. I would really like to know how to turn him around. Help please.

  248.  #248MovingMagic on December 29, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    There’s a cd in my life who kind of comes & goes with the wind. I’m fine with it, he’s focused & doing what he needs to do for himself. He’s a mirror for me…a mirror that reminds me to do the same for myself.

  249.  #249Memulo on December 29, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Luzydel it’s not you! It’s them;)
    To D perhaps I would either ignore or say ‘ok’.
    At least he had the guts to tell you.

  250.  #250Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    yeah memulo; it is not me…maybe the only thing wrong I did was give it a chance; or maybe not. I learned and I know he will regret once a real man will get me… lol

  251.  #251Rori Raye on December 29, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Lori – Just, please give him the space he asked for and start Circular Dating…Love, Rori

  252.  #252Lori on December 29, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    I can do that, even if I don’t feel like it. But I would like him back in my life. Is there anything I can do to turn him around?

  253.  #253sensual on December 29, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    The man i’ve been dating for just over a month and I have had a tough time the last week or so. Things started very quickly, we took a ski trip already and when I invited him on a trip over xmas/new years he said yes and then backed off and we canceled the trip. We’re still seeing each other and sleeping together but since the backing off it’s been reduced to once a week and only light texting in between. After a conversation 2 days ago, when I implied that we could stop seeing each other, he now sends me a message saying that ‘he finds himself saying sorry to me because we spend passionate nights together and then don’t see each other, but that everything is good and he just wants to take things slow”…………….the thing is that I am so scared of being strung along, sleeping with a man once a week, wasting my time and only receiving texts in between. we have no plans this weekend and havent talked about new years eve. Should I give it a rori “no exclusive then’ speech, or maybe say that we should stop having sex then, or should i just see how this goes for 2-3 weeks since i did admittedly scare him off by moving things too fast already. I don’t find it acceptable to not spend NYE with someone i’m dating but I’m scared to rock the boat

  254.  #254Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Sensual I don’t think there is a boat

  255.  #255sensual on December 29, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    FW: hahaha

    ok maybe I just have to talk to him when I next see him (whenever that is) and lay down what I feel comfortable with if we are taking things slow yet sleeping together. ie. If there’s a point to this and we’re getting to know each other then I expect us to spend a little weekend time, maybe one night in the week as well and talk on the phone a bit. and also i’m happy to take things slow and not be boyfriend and girlfriend, but I still want to date other people (non-sexually of course) then……what do you think?

  256.  #256Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Are you sure it is in your best interest to be sleeping with him? It seems you want exclusivity but he might not.

  257.  #257sensual on December 29, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    It’s not in my best interests with the current level of commitment at one date per week. it happened bc things moved so fast with us initially, ski trip etc. It just feels weird to stop now and to tell him that i don’t want to have sex anymore feels a little bit “drama” .

    I guess my choice is either to tell him I want to stop or to tell him that if we continue to have sex, then I expect a little more in terms of time spent together etc

  258.  #258coco kisses on December 29, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    OMG sirens I feel so flustered, excited, nervous, and turned on, because yesterday my husband came by to gibe my daughter her Christmas gift, after a lot of talking, he asked me if I’d gotten my android tablet repaired, I said no, so he asked if he could take a look at it. Anyways he fixed it in like 30 mins….I was so extatic and happy that it was working,because it had been broken for months…I jumped up and hugged him and told him he was awesome and I appretiated him fixing it, and u know what…he grabbed me and kissed me and I kissed him back, and next thing ya know we were making out like two horny teenagers….we didn’t go past second base, but it was surprising….and passionate, we hadn’t touched like that in a long time……wowzers

  259.  #259Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Wo now D sent me like a gazillion texts telling me why he feels pressured even when I am not pressuring him.

  260.  #260Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Luzydel only he knows how he feels. That’s his stuff. Maybe you triggered him. I would just validate his feelings and leave him alone.

  261.  #261Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    He said he rather spend a lot of money and have less time with a woman, that spend a lot of time with a woman even if she doesn’t ask for a lot of expensive dates, and fancy things.

  262.  #262Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Seems like he is opening up.

  263.  #263Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    “If you feel like you need more space let’s discuss”.

  264.  #264Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    He seems to be feeling smothered and longing for his freedom.

  265.  #265Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    he said I could be a bit negative sometimes and think the worst of him, when he has the best intentions 🙁 he just wants to date at his speed, that doesnt mean he doesn’t like me, it is just who he is 🙁

  266.  #266Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    but we haven’t seen each other since the 3rd and I never lead, or tell him lets see. I left it up to him… how did I give that vibe?

  267.  #267Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Time for CDing hard core…he doesn’t feel smother when I CD as weird as it sounds he gives me more attention when I date other men, and he doesn’t even know I am Cding… why is that?

  268.  #268Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Maybe you called him? Remember they feel our vibes even though we might not be calling but we are thinking about them. They also hear it in our tone. I believe the message here is to check in with yourself to see how leaned back you are.

  269.  #269Lori on December 29, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    @Femininewoman, how do you lean back and how do they feel our vibes even when we aren’t together?

  270.  #270Daria on December 29, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Thank you Daria for eatin oranges

    Thank you for eatin gumbo

    Thank you for folding clothes

    Thank you for cleaning poop

    Thank you for thinking about giving myself a pedicure

    Thank you for thinking of a naP

  271.  #271Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    yep FW; I did that, and I even sounded snarky when he did not reply right away… I should have been CDing instead

  272.  #272Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Lori think about it, If someone is in the same room with you staring at you, don’t you feel the stare before you see the person? It is the energy.

    Today I felt love coming towards me from a particular person. I felt it in my heart area and no matter how I tried to shake it I couldn’t. I turned my attention to me talking to myself because I did not want my mind to dwell on the person in the hopes that he would call. Another cd called and we had awesome fun in the conversation.

  273.  #273Daria on December 29, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Yay Coco Kisses ! That feels awesome 🙂

  274.  #274Lori on December 29, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    okay, so leaning back would be letting only good energy, vibes flow out of our hearts? He needs space. This is all new to me.

  275.  #275Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    It’s okay Luzydel. He is teaching you how to dance with him. The more you learn the better able you will be with Mr. Right.

  276.  #276Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    I accepted a date tonight at a local applebees for drinks and appetizers near my home; the CD wanted to go far or even come home; I said no to either using FM’s I said I will feel better if etc. Or I do not feel confortable to have a guest I hardly know in my house etc.

    So he said applebees lol yayy for me, and yayy for CDing…this is PizzaCD… lol

  277.  #277Memulo on December 29, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    I just watched a movie where a woman walks out on her husband and her last words are – you should have loved me more. It was like a light bulb for me – I guess intuitively this is how I felt all this time which is why I did nothing but couldn’t say it so well;) from now on if I feel like pining I will tell myself these words.

  278.  #278Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Luzydel try to relax and have fun

  279.  #279coco kisses on December 29, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    I was starting to wonder if I could even get turned on any more…the answer is yes I can….it felt great….I’m still leaning back , not chasing him, went out to dinner after closing the salon, and am taking a small break for the New Year…going to pamper myself…….facing my fears head on 🙂

  280.  #280Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    going to reopen Match also…I realized I get subconsciously clingy when I put attention on one man only…

  281.  #281Femininewoman on December 29, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    coco kisses it would be great to find ways to turn yourself on. Intimacy has to start within you.

  282.  #282Memulo on December 29, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    DrCD texted and called me from his trip as he does daily. I talk to him and I slowly open up more but there’s something missing. I almost have to stop myself from settling. The little voice inside me says do not give up.

  283.  #283Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    MMM it is cold outside; what to wear? Jeans and a sweater? I know not too feminine, but I don’t want to freeze my butt…

  284.  #284Memulo on December 29, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    Luzydel, I used to wear all heels and dresses but now I would gladly wear jeans and a sweater as I’m just irresistible and so s-xy in jeans;)

  285.  #285Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    RealtorCD is telling me he always remember me; 🙂 we went on two dates and talked a lot, but I had a very negative attide in 2010; He then stopped contatc and I was like Fine whatever lol…

    We’ll see if I have chenged for the better 🙂

  286.  #286Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    I feel I Hate “S” mmm I should text him and see what I feel inside… I still think I hate him though…

  287.  #287MovingMagic on December 29, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Thank you self for a candle lit bath, & the sounds of Tibetan singing bowls. Thank you self for clearing out your purse, & coin bag so you feel lighter. Thank you for the sexy shirt, & leggings to wear dancing tonight. Thank you for listening to old skool hip-hop, as you do these things. Thank you for not answering the call from a cd so you can stay in your vibe. Yes!!

  288.  #288Vi on December 29, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Just caught myself choosing tiny insignificant negative thoughts to think and feel over big good feeling ones! YAY to me for noticing! Now I have a choice not to go there 🙂 It feels so caring and loving of me… Happy Sigh.

  289.  #289Vi on December 29, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    I am going to give myself an extra treat or a hug for noticing this pattern from now on, as I feel I need more support from myself for that.

  290.  #290coco kisses on December 29, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Feminine Woman you always hit the nail on the head

  291.  #291coco kisses on December 29, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    I am really realizing that i feel nervous and scared because after all this i don’t feel confident that i can conect with a man’s heart. …..i don’t feel comfortable having sex untilvi know i can connect with a man’s heart and he want me bad enough to pursue me. I can talk to women so easil, but with men ibfeel weird and awkward…in general….this leads to the desire to lean forward and have control,but i know this is not the way of a feminine woman

  292.  #292coco kisses on December 29, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    @ Feminine Woman…..ur r profoundly correct when u say intimacy challenges you….this iswher I am at….the door of great awakenings of real intimacy…..stating with myself and my own fears.

  293.  #293GlowStix on December 29, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Feeling way out to the left. All by myself.

  294.  #294Luzydel on December 29, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Came back from PizzaCD meet up! I am so glad I did go; he is a nice guy and I don’t mind getting to know him. I feel angry at “D” now because with him I felt I was bad or wrong, but when I cd, I feel there is nothing wrong with me… Yayy for being able to get back to Cding after a few hrs of feeling turn down by a man! it is getting easier and easier to focus on me!

  295.  #295Starbright on December 29, 2012 at 11:40 pm


    Regarding “You should have loved me more.”

    To me it puts all the emphasis on him…I like something that turns it around to me and emphasizes feeling more powerful and in love with myself such as:

    I love me more and now I’m taking such better care of me and it feels great!!!

  296.  #296lost and confused on December 29, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    I’m in desperate need of advice.. My boyfriend is a great boyfriend.. He is loving he puts a lot of effort into the relationship and when we are getting along i feel like everything is perfect.. the only thing is that because of his past he has major trust issues.. and I’m the one that is paying for it. I feel so unappreciated because I’m so faithful toward him but I’m treated as if I’m not. For example we were at a party lastnight and one of his friends and me got into a conversation and he got upset and everytime i came around him he would say “why don’t you go talk to him?” I know the alcohol probably had something to do with this but we are both young so partying and socializing with friends is a big part of our lives. Lately we’ve been getting into these arguments that start over nothing but insecurities and its really putting a strain on our relationship. He tells me all the time that deep down he knows I’m a good girl but he can’t help it because he just gets so paranoid and he feels like he can’t trust anyone.. i tell him that i understand where he’s coming from. I listen to him and then i try to tell him how i feel in the nicest way possible but as soon as i say something that he doesn’t want to hear he takes it completely the wrong way and gets really defensive. Sometimes he yells and i don’t even get a chance to talk. I love him and care for him so much. I want so badly for us to be able to get along but his trust issues are ruining our relationship and starting to make me feel really depressed.. what do i do? I’m not gonna give up on our relationship that easy. I want him to be able to trust me and stop getting mad at me so easily.

  297.  #297Smile on December 30, 2012 at 4:16 am

    235, FW, yes I like that idea thank you. Hmm I don’t feel pushed as such, just his keeness. So far in the last month this is how I’ve felt romanced with him…
    He made me lose all my inhibitions and we danced together.
    He ordered me a martini he thought I might like based on what he knows about me so far and we drank it with a sky line view of the city on Xmas eve.
    He makes me feel desired but not in a sexual way.
    He visualises about what our perfect days would be like together.
    He kisses me quickly all over my face which make me smile and giggle my head off.

    The best bit is the amount of energy he gives to me. He calls and texes everyday, I’ve already felt those intimate moments being created. I feel like I can be vulnerable with him.

    He stood me to look in the mirror as we walked by, he stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair. He said this is what we look like together. Then he kissed me and said I’m really starting to enjoy being with you. I replied, I feel warm and melty inside and smiled. He kissed me more 🙂

  298.  #298Smile on December 30, 2012 at 4:22 am

    I’m loving lying in my warm fuzzy feelings again today.
    I’m going to carry on sorting my room to get it how I want it.
    I’m going to write a letter to myself for my visions of 2013 Thanks mercedes I think for the idea 🙂

  299.  #299Smile on December 30, 2012 at 4:29 am

    Libra and Aries
    When Aries and Libra come together in a love affair, the inherent polarity of the Zodiac is invoked. Aries and Libra are directly opposite one another in the Zodiac — 180 degrees apart. Each Sign possesses qualities that the other lacks; combined with Libra’s natural yen for harmony, this can be a relationship that enjoys great balance. Aries is the Sign of Self while Libra is the Sign of Partnership, and the differences continue: Aries is impulsive, excitable and ready to jump right into something new and exciting, while Libra is indecisive, peace-loving and prefers a calm, smooth approach. Aries can learn from Libra that their own way isn’t necessarily the best way.
    These two Signs share the great sexual attraction common to all Signs opposite in polarity. At the same time, though this pair’s connection is amazing when it’s good, it can be extremely challenging when it’s bad. All polarities have energies that tend to tangle or knot if understandings can’t be reached. As a combination, Aries and Libra are well-balanced. Charming, cultured Libra can teach brash Aries something about style. Libra prizes harmony in a relationship and will go to great lengths to maintain it. Aries is very decisive and can teach indecisive Libra about relying on intuition for answers.
    Aries is ruled by the Planet Mars and Libra is ruled by the Planet Venus. This is a great match, as these are the Planets of Passion and Love, respectively. Venus and Mars go well together as they’re the two sides of the love relationship coin. They’re universally recognized as male and female and this relationship is a good balance of masculine and feminine energy. Venus is about the beauty of romance while Mars is about the passion of romance. What a good combination!
    Aries is a Fire Sign and Libra is an Air Sign. Air fuels Fire and helps it grow and spread. Aries can have a very positive effect on Libra’s growth, ideas and progress; Aries can help Libra put their ideas into action. Working together can be challenging at times, however, due to their polarity. Aries’s fast-paced, impetuous approach to projects may conflict with Libra’s more balanced, intellectual approach. However, both Signs have wide-ranging interests, and at the end of a long, active day, Aries can come home full of interesting stories to tell the more cerebral Libra!
    Aries and Libra are both Cardinal Signs. They both have a lot of initiative — but lack in follow-through. They both tend to start things they’re never going to finish, whether it’s a job, a project, a relationship … Aries will appear to be the leader because of their energy and forceful nature, but Libra leads from an intellectual standpoint. Both Signs want to be in charge, but Aries uses force and sometimes intimidation to get what they want while Libra uses charm and sometimes manipulation. Compromise is essential to this relationship’s health. Diplomatic Libra has a much easier time with compromise than does Aries, who strongly dislikes yielding to another person, viewing it as submission. Libra may have to give in more often to Aries’s wishes in order to keep the peace that they so cherish.
    What’s the best aspect of the Aries-Libra relationship? The harmony resulting from the union of Venus and Mars. The balance between self and other represented by this polarity is a great learning experience for both Signs. Each brings to the relationship what the other is missing, making for a wonderful balance.

  300.  #300Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 4:51 am

    I feel happy you went Luzydel

  301.  #301Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 5:51 am

    “Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it.”

    ― Thomas Jefferson

  302.  #302Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 6:05 am

    Want to know if you’re a control freak? Here are eight signs for your self-diagnosing pleasure.

    You believe that if someone would change one or two things about themselves, you’d be happier. So you try to “help them” change this behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over.

    You micromanage others to make them fit your (often unrealistic) expectations.

    You don’t believe in imperfection and you don’t think anyone else should either.

    You judge others’ behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention until they fall in line with your expectations. Sitting in silent judgment is a master form of control.

    You offer “constructive criticism” as a veiled attempt to advance your own agenda.

    You change who you are or what you believe so that someone will accept you. Instead of just being yourself, you attempt to incept others by managing their impression of you.

    You present worst-case scenarios in an attempt to influence someone away from certain behaviors and toward others. This is also called fear mongering.

    You have a hard time with ambiguity and being OK with not knowing something.

    You intervene on behalf of people by trying to explain or dismiss their behaviors to others

  303.  #303Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 6:08 am

    You have a hard time with ambiguity and being OK with not knowing something.

    This is my biggie here; the rest I am not. This need to know where things are going is damaging me.

  304.  #304Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Luzydel I have heard several relationship coaches say if women could just be comfortable with uncertainty it would change a lot in their relationships.

    What I find interesting is “You offer “constructive criticism” as a veiled attempt to advance your own agenda” as it was previously discussed on the blog and a cd some time ago suggested that I give him my criticism of him. As this says “offer” I am wondering if it is different when a person voluntarily asks for it. If it makes a difference in the way they hear it because they are somewhat internally ready.

  305.  #305Smile on December 30, 2012 at 6:31 am

    I’m a libra… Problems which may arise…

    Problem:   Finding yourself frequently trapped in situations that have no depth and little value to you or the other person.
    Solution:   Try not to pretend feelings you do not have and find a way to back gracefully out of a superficial relationship; look before you leap.

    Problem:  You find that you do not really like yourself and/or beating yourself up over not being able to please another.
    Solution:   If you learn how to please yourself without depriving others, then you will be able to please someone else.

    Problem:  The situations that make you ill at ease is only mildly irritating to another.
    Solution:  Try to cultivate inner security through spiritual strength and awareness.

    Problem:  Feeling like you are nothing: your actions being frustrating to others.
    Solution:  Developing your feelings of self worth by expressing the positive in your nature and not letting your elitist, class consciousness show.

  306.  #306Smile on December 30, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Luzydel 302, I can relate, this has been my issue in my last 2 relationships, either being far too in the future or feeling frustrated because I’m not where I want to be.

    Forever is made by lots of in the moments all joined together.

  307.  #307Smile on December 30, 2012 at 6:34 am

    300, FW I like this, reminds me of the look before you leap

  308.  #308Smile on December 30, 2012 at 6:40 am

    I wonder how to find things out about someone, how to phrase it… Like if I wanted to know
    What makes him feel better when he’s I’ll?
    Or how he likes to relax?
    Or what makes him most frustrated?

    I believe the initial period of dating is a great time to find out about someone.

  309.  #309Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Something that PizzaCD said yesterday put me in perspective and how men test boundaries..

    He said; I liked that you said no when I suggested to meet at your house… I liked that you stated what you wanted… hmm.

  310.  #310Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 6:47 am

    match hardly sends emails…ugh if I can only change my attitude towards POF…

  311.  #311Tam on December 30, 2012 at 6:47 am

    I am in shock.
    In a good way.
    I had Curly around my place for a bite to eat last night, it was his birthday present…and you will never believe what happened.
    He said that he want us to be in an excluive relationship, that he is not letting me go again.
    So far so good, but it didn’t stop there.
    He said that he hasn’t met anyone like me for a very long time and he wants to take care of me and he wants me to be the last girl he dates in his life.
    He said he wants to marry me.

    Jeez, I did not know what to say. At all.
    I just said ‘I need time’.
    We have been dating for a month..and not even had sex yet, well yesterday almost but still.
    I never had to say a word about commitment or relationships or a no gf speech or anything, in fact I had to do nothing but be myself and not even think about anything.

    How’s that?

  312.  #312Tam on December 30, 2012 at 6:48 am

    I know, it’s crazy!!

  313.  #313Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 6:54 am

    I believe “what do you do for fun” is a great question that is asked mostly by men so I am game for asking a man that. Dating is done during time off and I believe men are into fun and adventure. I believe they are into women who enbraces the fun things in life so when men experience the way I light up and enjoy talking about recreational things it will serve as a powerful magnetic attraction for them. So I want to focus on describing the emotional experience of fun. At least in the early days.

    It seems to me that what makes him feel better when he is ill is MOTHERING. How he likes to relax seems like NURTURING. Both pointing towards overfunctioning, giving and focussing on the man. I would not go there unless he maybe initiates something. I believe a man will ask for help if he needs it.

  314.  #314Heart on December 30, 2012 at 6:56 am

    Wow Tam ….awwwwr that’s so sweet!

  315.  #315Tam on December 30, 2012 at 6:56 am

    That guy is something else, when I said I needed time, he just said that he would never push me and that I would find out in my own time that he is in my best interest.
    How confident is that?

  316.  #316Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:00 am

    RE 308 Luzydel it sends a subconscious message of confidence and willingness to speak up for oneself. Thinking a woman can take care of his babies if he is hurt while in the “hunt”/marketplace etc. Also a woman who he doesn’t totally have control over – think mystery and intrigue. Keeping him off balance to create thrills and adventure. Also a woman who will not change herself to seek his approval – think low status. Men like women with high degree of difficult as they perceive it as high status that will improve their social status. This one from your article above “You change who you are or what you believe so that someone will accept you. Instead of just being yourself, you attempt to incept others by managing their impression of you”.

    Lessons lessons lessons.

  317.  #317Heart on December 30, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Tam – do you want to marry him?

  318.  #318Tam on December 30, 2012 at 7:01 am

    He also said he would like us to live together, I couldn rent out my place.
    I don’t know if he ever lived with anyone, but if so, that would be about 20 years ago or so.
    So much for eternal bachelors. Not necessarily so eternal.

  319.  #319Tam on December 30, 2012 at 7:02 am

    316 Heart, don’t know. Need to get to know him better, really.
    He can cook though, and he has a nice arse, so – maybe!!

  320.  #320Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:03 am

    Tam I don’t believe that is crazy. I believe that is normal for great guys who know when they have found a prize and a ready for pair bonding. They look beyond the superficial for what they know they need to be happy.

  321.  #321Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:03 am

    Not necessarily so eternal – yupp.

  322.  #322Heart on December 30, 2012 at 7:04 am

    lol Tam….would u at least consider getting engaged…until you figure it out?
    Soooo exciting…

  323.  #323Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Tam have you discussed health and finances to see if your values are aligned?

    Do you know what your deal breakers are?

    Do you know what his odd quirks are?

  324.  #324Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:06 am

    How about sensibilities? Would you pick out the same color carpet, pictures to hang on the wall or type of furniture?

  325.  #325Tam on December 30, 2012 at 7:08 am

    319 FW, yes, but it happened so fast.

    321 Heart, I have not even agreed to be his gf yet…hehe…one step at a time 😉
    I think I will though, well, let’s see.

    He asked in three different ways:
    -so, are we an item now?
    -are you my girlfriend now?
    – do you want me to be your boyfriend?

    In the end he just decided for himself that that we are a couple now, he was having a monologue.

    I was cagey. Said I would need to get to know him better first.

  326.  #326Tam on December 30, 2012 at 7:10 am

    The alpha male speech:
    ‘I will make you mine, no other man will come close to you or I will fight him off. You can tell your friends that they don’t need to look for men/dates for you anymore’.

  327.  #327Tam on December 30, 2012 at 7:11 am

    322 FW, that’s exactly why I have not committed to anything yet.

  328.  #328Tam on December 30, 2012 at 7:12 am

    He is totally honest though, I have already heard stuff that I wish I hadn’t…he lets all the skeletons out of the closets.

  329.  #329Heart on December 30, 2012 at 7:14 am

    Tam – Yawn… I guess the marriage episode is later down the road on Tam and the Restless.

  330.  #330Tam on December 30, 2012 at 7:18 am

    328, Heart, you are too funny!! I was laughing out loud!! Tam and the Restless?

  331.  #331Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Said I would need to get to know him better first.

    How about “I have to check in with myself to see how I feel about being ————-“. Fill in the blanks with responses to his questions. Picture introducing him to friends and family as ————- and vice versa. See if you feel an internal reaction. Ask yourself if you would want all your children to be like him. Check if you feel proud of him and to be by his side.

    These are some of the kinds of things that are important to me.

  332.  #332Tam on December 30, 2012 at 7:40 am

    FW, yes, a nice way of summarising the important things…I agree. Right now I just like being with him, it feels relaxing and without stress and natural. So far he tunes into my needs perfectly, very intuitive and it isn’t something I had for a long time, if ever.
    So I am just in the moment.
    I wouldn’t have any concerns to introduce him to any family and friends although the massive age difference is obvious. He is charismatic and confident and gets on with people easily, he is intelligent, dresses nicely and is respectful and rather quiet.
    So yes, no complaints at all. Actually, there aren’t many men like him here, which is presumably why all the women run after him…and they really do.
    At his b’day party, he told me that he had a few propositions and phone numbers slipped to him…but he only had eyes for me. So he says.

  333.  #333T-Girl on December 30, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Flowerchild you are amazing! You sound great 🙂

  334.  #334Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:45 am

    he told me that he had a few propositions and phone numbers slipped to him – I wonder though, what was his intention of sharing this.

  335.  #335T-Girl on December 30, 2012 at 7:47 am

    J and I had our fitst real dsagreement yesterday and I feel he over reacted. But he stated he was disappointed and I found his disappointment too much to bear and it really brought me down so I went to bed. He hugged me all through the night but feel things are still unfinished. I need to flip my vibe but am unsure how.

  336.  #336Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:48 am

    it feels relaxing and without stress and natural – you realize you are the one who created this because you had no agenda, were not vested and maybe was not even attracted to him. The whatever attitude because you might not view him as a hot stud who you might lose and went into trying to convince him that you are his best option.

  337.  #337T-Girl on December 30, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I dont ever want to feel his disappointment again. It felt awful.

  338.  #338Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:52 am

    I feel he over reacted – T-Girl can you see this as a lesson that you might be trying to control him in some way? Isn’t he entitled to feel and react in whatever way he knows how?

    Remember Dominique keep saying love brings up things unlike itself to heal. He has his own life experiences, filters and worldview before he met you. He can only be inspired to change that depending on how you are with him. You cannot “directly” require him to change.

  339.  #339Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Nobody likes to feel another’s disappointment. I have read it said by Bob Grant that it brings up a feeling that is worse than anger. Men prefer that we are angry with them than disappointed. I believe he said sharing your disappointment can get a guy to put on his hero suit. I wonder how that relates to our overfunctioning if the tables are turned.

  340.  #340Tam on December 30, 2012 at 7:54 am

    335, yes FW, I agree. This is how I felt.

  341.  #341Tam on December 30, 2012 at 7:57 am

    FW, yes, he over-shares. He told me about the b’day party stuff to make me feel more secure by saying that yes, he gets attention but doesn’t act out on it.
    The attention is obvious…but so far it amuses me more than anything. I don’t feel insecure.
    He’s been single for 3 years, he knows what he wants.

  342.  #342Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:57 am

    T-Girl – from the article above:-

    “I’m only interested in the OUTSIDE results you get when you speak in certain ways, and interpret what others say and do in certain ways because it gives you clues to what’s going on INSIDE you.”

  343.  #343T-Girl on December 30, 2012 at 7:58 am

    I dont feel like I was trying to comtrol but his actions did surprise me. Blah I need to reflect on that. I feel very shaky as to how today will go. I guess just stick to feeling messages.

  344.  #344Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 7:59 am

    The attention is obvious…but so far it amuses me more than anything – Do you realize it is likely to continue if you choose him? Can you look at how you might have reacted to such attention on your bf in the past and see if you have healed?

  345.  #345T-Girl on December 30, 2012 at 8:01 am

    I have shared my disappointment before and he indeed put his hero suit on. Being on the other end of it made me want to run and hide.

  346.  #346Tam on December 30, 2012 at 8:02 am

    haha, and now the trigger comes. One of our common friends asks me whether I am going to the party they are having. Which is all Curly’s friends…
    Now, I am going to another party and Curly never said that he was coming, though yesterday said ‘ we are spending NY together’. I dropped it and never asked again…so now I am intrigued what he is going to do…ha!
    He either gets to see his friends or me for NY.
    I have my plans.

  347.  #347Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Look at your words and tone that elicited the actions T-Girl. For all you know, he could have unconsciously experienced disrespect, though that was not your intent. Something might have took him back into his past with another woman or his mother – where he felt he had no control so he threw a tantrum.

    He likely realizes he was behaving badly why he hugged you all night. He likely felt the internal withdrawal. You have to be aware of not rejecting good behavior to punish bad. Just that if it is swirling around inside you it is best to address it in a “turn toward him” way with the intention of seeking a way for both of you to feel better. I have seen a video from Gay Hendricks of something that explains this kind of thing.

  348.  #348GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Queue Pop-up ex.

    Hello Mr. Pop-up…Your excuses to create a line of communication between us feel silly and giggly. And I also feel irritated because you still stir up some kind of annoying compassion inside me. I love you like a wayward family member…Or a stray puppy or something. I want to scratch your head and give you a bone. But really…I just want a divorce.

  349.  #349Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Being on the other end of it made me want to run and hide – likely an ingrained stress response pattern.

    He might have felt the running or leaning away that caused him to instinctively lean forward. It would be great if you could find an opportunity to share how turned off and shakey you felt while at the same time you melt all over yourself.

  350.  #350GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 8:08 am

    And go Tam!

    Wtf? Ohhhh you’re rockin’ it 🙂

  351.  #351Tam on December 30, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Glowstix, ha, thank you!! Yes!

  352.  #352Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:10 am

    The approval of a man’s friends and his family are important to the success of a relationship. Also when a man has nested he is “likely” to take things and his woman for granted.

  353.  #353GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 8:12 am


    I feel so alone lately.

    I am not alone.

    I feel alone.

    I feel stuck.

    I feel un-got.

    I feel spun around.

    I feel resistant to giving loving care to my own feelings.

  354.  #354Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 8:13 am

    FeminineWoman 303 “if women could just be comfortable with uncertainty it would change a lot in their relationships”.

    This is exactly where I am right now. I don’t want to feel the feelings that I have in this moment, they are too confusing. D has never lied to me, he has said he is skeptical of our chances to work as a couple, because it did not work in the past, but he said who knows maybe down the road it may, he said people change. But in the meantime, he said if a girl comes along whom he is interested in he will go out with her. He said it has not happened yet but there is a good possibility.

    This cuts me up. I feel literally gut-wrenched inside at the possibility, when I love him so deeply.

    And simultaneously, I can feel his love for me. I can feel that he wants things to ultimately work out between us. He cares for me and he does things for me, and he takes me in his arms and is so tenderly affectionate to me, and when we have made love it is so intimate and close. We spent last Saturday night, Monday night, Wednesday night and last night (Saturday) together and he was so lovely with me. This morning he took me out for breakfast.

    I adore this man – the time I spend with him feels like the safest and most content time in my life – and yet, I know I am in a dangerous situation.

    It is times like this that I wish I were not so sensitive. I know what I need to do, and yet my sensitivity keeps calling forth a thousand nuances of feeling that I cannot ignore and come up to my mind, and feel too overwhelming to deal with :/

  355.  #355Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:13 am

    ‘we are spending NY together’ – question could have been “where”?

    The masculine energy partner makes the decisions.

  356.  #356Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 8:18 am

    And I also, actually DON’T WANT to see this situation as dangerous. It is not dangerous to me. It is my internal triggers of fear telling me I am in danger.

    I feel so fearful of him being with another woman and it “working out”. I feel fearful of being friend-zoned. I feel fearful of losing someone who is my “person”. I feel terrified in fact.

    And juxtaposed with this is the faith that I have always felt. The faith in him and me. I can’t explain it, and I feel so uncomfortable at this uncertainty, for uncertainty it is. I want to love my discomfort and fear, but I don’t know how.

  357.  #357T-Girl on December 30, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Yes wanting to run and hide is my pattern of avoiding confrontation. Today i will use feeling messages, even though they are hard for me and the opposite of hiding

  358.  #358Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Indigo – I adore this man

    Maybe find a way to appreciate, complement acknowledge and respect him while you cdate. Take the love he is sending your way out into the world and pour it all over your passions.

    Complement his ability to provide for dates etc and contribute help to the family. Continue to cdate. He has told you that he is open to doing that but you have put yourself on hold, it seems. Waiting. That cannot be attractive to him. You need to inspire his primal need to succeed and win. You have to raise your status in his eyes so he knows you are expensive.

  359.  #359Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:23 am

    even though they are hard for me – very limiting belief that builds an internal block

  360.  #360Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Indigo to be transparent it is best to “say what you are afraid of in addition to what you are angry about. Most fear have anger underneath”. If you express correctly how you feel and what you need and how you reacted that’s when change happens in a relationship. That’s when intimacy starts to happen”.

    These lessons I learned from Gay Hendricks and Rori

  361.  #361Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 8:26 am


    Thank you 🙂 You are so right.

    This is *exactly* what I should do. I hope I am able to just keep doing it even though these triggers of fear come up, and these sensitive, difficult nuances of feeling.

    It’s hard at times though. I suppose this is what Rori means by “getting back on the horse”.


  362.  #362T-Girl on December 30, 2012 at 8:26 am

    FW thank you for pointing out the limting belief. I didnt even realize I was doing that

  363.  #363Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Indigo talk to the little girl inside you.

  364.  #364Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Indigo/T-Girl – set an intention of being in the moment and speaking your feelings. Each time you get to a point that might be “hard” ask for a little time out to pause and check in with yourself if you have to. Turn your attention internally to see how you are feeling, then speak. It is okay to pause. It is okay to ask for a little space to pause.

  365.  #365Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 8:31 am

    FeminineWoman 359

    Yes you are right. I have been experimenting more and more using authentic feeling messages, naming it when I am scared, and naming it when I am angry. It has resulted in a massive shift in my confidence and my love for myself and my ability to “ride out” my difficult emotional patches.

    I have to be careful though, because I am a *very* feeling person and it is possible for me to overdo it on the feeling messages and say too much, too often.

    I am practising calming, wow, what a difficult but *growing* experience it is.

  366.  #366Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 8:34 am

    FW 362

    Thank you. That’s exactly how I feel when I feel this way. *Little*. Like the little girl with her blonde curls bobbing all over the place that I was when I was about 5 years old. Afraid.

  367.  #367Mercedes on December 30, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Emerson and Smile: I’m happy you like the letter idea. I’m all set to write mine Tuesday morning right after my meditation. I still don’t know what all I want to manifest for myself in 2013 but whatever it is, I’m sure it will be wonderful. 🙂

    Much Love,

  368.  #368Sassy on December 30, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Be very very careful, Tam. This marriage request came up very fast.

  369.  #369GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 8:54 am

    I still have yet to respond, and I have been thinking about it all morning…

  370.  #370Tam on December 30, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Hm. Regarding the NY invite, I had a party invite first and he never let me know if he wanted to join. As far as I am concerned, I have plans and really, if he wants to be with his friends then I know what to make of that. It’s all good because I still don’t feel invested here.
    I want to be with my friends on NY eve. He can come along or not. My plans were in concrete first and I do not want to change them.

  371.  #371Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:58 am

    I don’t think I’d change mine either Tam.

  372.  #372GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 8:59 am

    So, he asks a random question. I can answer it, and then say _______________?

    I want to ask you too, will you come to the notary with me sometime soon?

    Also, can we go to the notary soon?

    I feel a little weird and nervous to ask…Can we go to the notary?

    I feel good to go whenever.

    I would feel good to do it soon, and I am mostly open. When is good for you?

    It would feel great to get it done soon. What do you think?

    Any input?

  373.  #373Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Indigo – is he your husband?

  374.  #374Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 9:04 am

    GlowStix have you considered the negotiating format of “I feel, I don’t want, what do you think”?

  375.  #375GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 9:05 am

    Hey, I was wondering…Can we go to the notary soon?

    It would feel great to do it soon, what do you think?

    We need to notarize the separation agreement before I can file. Or, You can come with me to file.

    Maybe I should ask him just to come file…Big risk for him to poof. I know he won’t like the idea of going to the courthouse. He changes his number so often I don’t even have this one stored.

    No…Keep it simple. I don’t want to have to go looking for him.

  376.  #376Smile on December 30, 2012 at 9:07 am

    FW 312 thank you for helping me think around this.
    I love the idea of describing emotions around fun, I’ve been trying to do this.

  377.  #377Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 9:08 am

    I feel good to go whenever……..It would feel great to get it done soon/I would feel good to do it soon: seems contradictory

  378.  #378Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 9:08 am


    no, he’s my ex-boyfriend. We were on and off because of fighting, but we love each other a great deal and have always been close. And I feel like I have learned so much and things are sooo much better now, but he doesn’t want to go through pain again and is considering dating again.

    He said he would consider us being together down the road, but in the meantime he needs to get on with his life and I need to get on with mine. However, we hang out together regularly in a romantic way.

  379.  #379GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 9:09 am

    FW I can give that a go.

    I feel…

    This feels difficult.

    I feel anxious and urgent to notarize our separation agreement. I don’t want this hanging over my head anymore. What do you think?

    I feel anxious to go notarize our separation agreement. I don’t want it up in the air anymore. What do you think?

  380.  #380GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 9:12 am


    “whenever” in the next couple weeks 😉

    Just feeling-storming lol

    I feel good to go anytime, within the next couple weeks…

    Feels meh.

    I like the “what do you think?” format better. If I say I feel anxious to do it, I believe he will suggest a time soon anyways.

  381.  #381Smile on December 30, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Wow tam, this curly really is digging you lol! You sound great!!

    For me it brings up a bit of fear. Strummingman said this about marriage, within 3 months we were living together etc… Then once we hit our first bit of a crisis…

    You sound much stronger, and being much more high level of difficulty than I was though. I went oo ok that would be great even though I don’t know you! Lol, ((me))

  382.  #382Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 9:12 am

    GlowStix I get an urgency vibe around this for you. You kept repeating soon. I am wondering if it could be coupled with starting afresh, anew with the New Year coming up. Giving yourself a new lease on life a letting go of the past.

  383.  #383Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 9:14 am

    I feel anxious to go notarize our separation agreement. I want a fresh start in the new year. I don’t want it up in the air anymore. What do you think?

  384.  #384Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 9:16 am

    I feel teary; sad; a bit lonely; PizzaCD invited me to spend NYE with him, but I do not want to be so available to him so soon (I learned from the past) and besides, I would feel awkward. My best friend also told me to go to her house, She just lives too far and I don’t feel like driving :(… What “D” said yesterday kinda affected me, (I guess I am too sensitive). It is like telling me how to be so he can like me more, and that doesn’t feel right to me for some reason.

    Sometimes (even when it hurt me) I like “S” bluntness; he was a straight shooter, he just said it “I cannot accept you for who you are, so I rather don’t be with you” yes it hurt, but it was honest.

    When will it eel good to be with man? when all these feelings of desperation, uncertainty and fear go away? and it just start to FEEL RIGHT with a man? like it all gets together and I go like “wow, now I get it!”

  385.  #385Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 9:17 am

    GlowStix do you believe your relationship with him has healed? I am asking because I am wondering if you could speak to that when negotiating around the signing. Seems like the signing might even release more of the negative energy that was flowing between you two.

  386.  #386Mercedes on December 30, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Glowstix: Popped online this morning and was catching up on comments. How about: You…me…courthouse…Wednesday…10:00am. K? Good! See you then!! 🙂

    I’m kidding a little. Woke up in kind of a fun mood. I can actually see how asking this could be very stressful but…if you take care of you and you get it done, you will feel so much better. Maybe a focus on how good this end result will be can make the asking much easier. He may also feel quite relieved when it’s over (although he may not know that right now).

    Maybe: I’m feeling so (anxious, unsettled, ready to move forward…whatever). Would you be willing to meet me at the courthouse on XXX at XXX (“soon” just leaves too much up for interpretation in my mind) to get the papers notorized? I’m feeling an urgent need to get this cared for.

    I also like FWs suggestion to tie it in with the new year.

    Much Love,

  387.  #387GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 9:20 am


    You could definitely be onto something. I haven’t thought about this very much in a little while, and I know this is my Universal reminder. I really do feel urgent here. It feels a bit like a downwards pressure, to have this legality hanging around. Looks like unfinished business. I feel…Almost bursting with the will to heal this and seal this properly. Though…I can take a breath. Take my time.

  388.  #388Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Luzydel maybe “I appreciate the invitation thank you. I have plans to spend it quietly………….. enjoying/reminiscing about the past year and getting clear of the vision I have for my life in the new year”

  389.  #389Smile on December 30, 2012 at 9:21 am

    I want to look at ambulance CDs profile again. But I have this fear that he will no I have looked and wonder why?
    I just feel curious…

  390.  #390Smile on December 30, 2012 at 9:24 am

    I suppose I want to look at it now I have an understanding of what he is about more and view it from that perspective…
    I wonder what he would say if he sees I’ve viewed it?
    I wonder when he last went on?

  391.  #391Smile on December 30, 2012 at 9:26 am


    I’m been drafting in my head all day about the things I want to manifest for 2013. I feel excited!

  392.  #392Smile on December 30, 2012 at 9:27 am

    I’m going to look…

    I’m not going to look…

    Eek I’m going to look…

    Why all this fear!

  393.  #393GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 9:27 am


    LOL ahhh if you knew him, you would know he would think that’s hilarious. I definitely have space to approach with humour…

  394.  #394Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 9:31 am

    I am laying in bed just feeling and the more I feel the more I feel like crying; it is like I have been ignoring myself while chasing others. I feel hurt and lonely…

    So much ignored pain is inside of me, It is like a cluttered closet where nothing else fits if I don’t organize it and clean it up. I need to let it all out, I feel triggered, Something is bothering me, something is telling me to pay attention to myself and my emotions.

  395.  #395Smile on December 30, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Okay I’m just going to look…

  396.  #396Lori on December 30, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Good morning,
    It’s a new day and I want to change my “vibe”. Even though he is 1.5 hr away, apparently he can feel it. Help! How do I do this?

  397.  #397GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 9:46 am

    I do desire to be taken seriously, though…

  398.  #398Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Lori develop a practice to help you with your self talk. One could be looking at yourself in the mirror and pouring love on yourself. Check out the right hand side of the blog under the Power and SelfEsteem category. Read as much as you can. There is a lot there.

  399.  #399Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Lori do you have any of Rori’s programs?

    Luzydel have you considered getting the Heart Connection Toolkit?

  400.  #400Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 10:01 am

    FW I got; modern Siren and the ebook…

    Will check that one out!

  401.  #401Lori on December 30, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Hi Femininewoman,
    Yes, I do have a couple of her programs. I just purchased the “Love Forever” program with the teleclass. Having trouble with the link this morning. I’m confused by his actions. How do you go from feeling that I am “wife material” and “crazy about me” to I don’t want to be in a relationship, all in a few days?

  402.  #402CurvySiren10 on December 30, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Indigo… 377~ ” we hang out together regularly in a romantic way”.

    …and herein lies the problem.

    You are still acting “as if” you are together. You don’t hang out together regularly in a romantic way with an ex. It opens up the potential for so much hurt, misunderstanding and confusion.

    I speak from experience. Fairly recent experience. It nearly devastated me.

    You must decide if hanging out with someone you love that way while he TELLS you he is open to meeting someone else is worth it to you.

    If you can honestly say that it’s okay- no harm. But what I’m hearing from you is that it’s totally not okay. I hear that it would hurt you tremendously…

    It’s a very (potentially) painful place you’ve got yourself in…

  403.  #403Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 10:11 am

    I do believe “hanging out” is mostly for friends. Not romantic partners.

  404.  #404Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

    2013: aries overview

    2013 amps up the themes of finance, sexuality, debt and change as Saturn prepares to overhaul this house of your horoscope until 2015. The good news is that you shall no longer feel all of the stress and strain (or dry spell) around relationships as you have since late 2009. The door is wide open to meet someone new or totally transform an existing relationship.

    The key words are depth, passion and intensity. Are you ready to get more intimate with your self and others than ever? If you’ve ever considered some kind of depth process like psychoanalysis, this is the year to plummet your own unfathomable depths, Aries. You have probably only scratched the tip of the iceberg when it comes to unleashing your true powers, resourcefulness and regenerative powers.

    Have you secretly wondered what you are truly made of at your core of cores? Get ready to find out. This is also an excellent time to pay off any debt: both emotionally and financially.

    Uranus continues to energize your stars and promote the rebellious side of your nature. You refuse to dance to anyone’s beat but your very own. Last year’s challenging cardinal climax brought considerable tension to your life — especially around career, and some of the fall-out from any of that wreckage is still being integrated and renovated into the new and improved version of home and career possibility. The brave and risky moves you took in 2012 can take deeper root this year as you pour your passion and perserverance into making your dreams a powerhouse of a reality. By mid-year, you’ll have the power of Jupiter working to expand your life from the ground up.

    You may be looking for a bigger home or just ready to take your life to a new level. No more playing small and safe. Get ready to experience your true potential for fame and fortune, Aries. There is a reason the Sun shines most brightly in your stars.
    The eclipse patterns for 2013 will greatly impact the financial houses of your horoscope. You are learning powerful lessons in the money department as you develop greater resourcefulness and business savvy. You will never again question your true value nor will you accept anything less than what you know you are worth. This is a time to up the ante and rake in the level of compensation you deserve. You are also more willing and able to get grounded in the reality of your bank balance and strategically devise better ways to remove debt and improve your sense of security for long-term stability.

  405.  #405Radlove on December 30, 2012 at 10:19 am


    61 – You can all be my sidekicks! The first step to changing the world as super heros is to change ourselves first…and that is what each of us is in the process of doing!

  406.  #406Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 10:22 am

    OOps I meant to post the link not the whole horoscope lol

  407.  #407Smile on December 30, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Okay I looked… Nothing happened… Phew! Fear over! I feel ridiculous!

  408.  #408Smile on December 30, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Radlove! Love this way of looking at it 🙂

  409.  #409Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Hi CurvySiren

    Thank you SOO much.

    You have exactly defined the problem. When we hang out it is in a totally intimate way, he kisses and hugs me hello, cuddles me on the couch, we watch movies together, he touches me absently, affectionately like he always has. He comes to me intimately, we talk just like we did when we were together, and share all of our “in jokes”.

    Except… that we’re not. He is open to it down the line, and I can feel his love for me in a thousand different ways. I know he would like us to be together happily, he has said as much, but for the moment he has said he cannot linger in limbo and would go out with someone else. He hasn’t yet, and I suppose that is what threw me.

    The time I spend with him is so deeply nourishing and feels so content to me. It feels sooo difficult to give that up, but the pain of that I don’t think I can bear, you are right.

    I would feel very curious to hear your story, if you feel open to sharing? (if not that is fine 🙂 )

  410.  #410Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I was up worrying about it the whole of last night, I barely slept, that is not a good sign 🙁

  411.  #411Radlove on December 30, 2012 at 10:35 am


    Super heroes to the rescue!

  412.  #412Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Not a good sign Indigo and I can practically guarantee he feels the worry energy in the ethers. I suspect he is with you, until he finds the one, because of what he said. I believe your inability to sleep is your gut, your intuiton speaking to you. I really believe you should be out there keeping your options open with other men.

  413.  #413Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 10:45 am

    402 FW

    I use the term hanging out, but we go on plenty of dates in truth, and he always pays, drives and treats me like a girlfriend. Dinner, breakfast, movies.

    And when we are “hanging out” at his house it is a definite intimate vibe, he holds me in his arms, he crosses the room to give me a kiss, he just strokes me absently, he will come and wrap his arms around me from behind when I’m in the kitchen, he *acts* like someone who loves me, it’s never just a friends vibe.

    It makes sense, and yet it’s confusing at the same time.

  414.  #414Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 10:49 am

    410 FW

    Yes, yes, yes.

    I agree it is my intuition speaking to me. I agree I should be out there dating other men. I agree, he can DEFINITELY feel the worry in my vibe.

    Need to get back out there circular dating again. Feels hard :/

  415.  #415Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Indigo your D acts like “MY D” 🙂

    And yes once I start backing off not just physically but emotionally, he suddenly wants to get closer. I don’t know if I want this long term, a man that needs to see a woman with another man, so he can get closer can be a bit of a turn off. But I tend to get needy, even when I don’t mean to or show it to him.

    I make an imaginary relationship and start fantasizing

    I stop CDing, and put all my attention on him and waiting for his contact

    Yuck! I do not like that… If he is not at my door telling me I am his one, then I will not get invested.

  416.  #416Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I believe it is confusing because of the words he is saying and the lack of commitment that you need. I believe it is in your best interest to get very clear on what you want, then voice it without asking him to fill that role. Being in relationship limbo is not good.

    If you want to continue doing what you are doing now and maybe attract him on a deeper level he needs to feel that he is not the center of your world, that he is not the only man who wants you and that he has to win your attention and affection. I believe you have to be willing to walk away because this might be just a relationship of convenience for him. It can stay this way for years. Then he gets up and tell you bye, he has found his wife. You have essentially agreed to be a girlfriend for now in a casual relationship.

  417.  #417Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Feels hard :/ – It will feel worse should he find what he is looking for and have to say bye.

  418.  #418Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 11:07 am

    he has said he cannot linger in limbo – So why are you?

  419.  #419Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Something my best male friend Gabriel told me once…

    when a man is having sex with a woman; he is totally into it – it is like at the moment we are in love, and the woman feels it that way, but the next day we can just forget about her… The only way to know we are Really in love is not through sex (that is a woman’s way).

    words from a man… he is my male super ego lol

  420.  #420Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 11:14 am

    FeminineWoman 414

    “he needs to feel that he is not the center of your world” – You are so right!! In fact, he said these VERY words to me yesterday.

    You are absolutely and completely 100% right. I was clear on this some weeks ago, and then I allowed myself to get drawn in and now I feel shakey and totally like I’ve lost my footing. Time to get it back! Thank you 🙂

    It is madness for anyone to linger in limbo. I don’t want this for myself. I think I was feeling like I could attract him on a deeper level if my vibe was right, as this has worked in the past and he has stepped up.

    But I think, whilst I work on myself, being this emotionally entangled with him is too hard. Yes, circular dating feels a bit daunting but it is what I need to disentangle myself.

    Thank you so much for your wise counsel, I needed this 🙂


  421.  #421Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Indigo I would set an intention for myself for the New Year. Mercedes wrote earlier about writing a letter. If I were you I would do something similar and create a vision of my life in 2013. BTW I intend to do this too. Thank you Mercedess. I am also still doing some guided meditation.

  422.  #422Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 11:21 am


    I feel you. I don’t enjoy slipping back into this neediness, it doesn’t feel like *me* or the woman I want to be at all.

    I don’t enjoy giving up my sleep or my peace of mind for something like this.

    In my case, it’s complicated by the fact that I’m sensitive and I feel as my strong feelings, when they come (like my love for D) affect me extremely strongly and intensely. I want to honour and protect them though, not put them through pain and torment.

    So, CDing it is for both of us! 🙂

    May you also reach that place in yourself that you desire to be with your “D”. xx

  423.  #423Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Thank you FeminineWoman, that is a great suggestion.

    Only this evening, I was thinking of creating a “box”, one which I could paint and decorate beautifully myself, and put in it my goals, my important feelings, and it could be a shrine to what I want for my relationships.

  424.  #424BeLoved on December 30, 2012 at 11:25 am

    T called and left a voicemail recently, for the second time in a few weeks.
    I noticed the struggle about whether I should call back or not…the feeling of obligation, guilt, what he might think of me, ideas about what “friends” are supposed to do
    and I could suddenly SEE the pattern of what made me crazy as if it blossomed in front of me in all directions like a spider web made of laser light.

    It was acting out of feelings of “should” and “obligation” and “fear” rather than love. It was like a tiny sharp rock in my shoe that, if I just walked and walked and walked on it and ignored the pebble, my foot would hurt and then get blistered and raw and then infected and gangrenous and I’m hopping around screaming in pain and not knowing what the h3ll is going on…

    but it was just the tiny little betrayal of myself that would have such massive repercussions that I ended up in emotional turmoil and feelings of hate and thinking it was something HE was doing. I don’t know what but SOMETHING about interacting with him isn’t good for me and I wouldn’t trust my instincts before
    now I do.

  425.  #425BeLoved on December 30, 2012 at 11:28 am

    ” I don’t know what but SOMETHING about interacting with him isn’t good for me”

    Um, yeah, well THAT’s a story and STILL making it about him…

    I just know that if I ignore the resistance I feel and call when I don’t feel good about it, it makes me crazy.

  426.  #426Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Something I do every new years since 2007 is I buy me a ring; Nothing expensive. A ring that means a new commitment to myself; sometimes it has worked other not so much, we at least they way I planned it; the first commitment I made was to make changes in my living situation…that year (2008) I got fired, wow what a way to start a commitment I thought, but it was part of the universe intention…

    I was three months out of work, got depressed but then picked myself up and started to send my resume everywhere and going to interviews like crazy, and one day I got this call from a place I never applied, they said they got my resume from a partner company because they were looking for a bilingual specialist, and next day I got an interview and an offer 🙂 then I got worried, the job is almost 2 hrs away, but I went online to find apartments near by, and there was this fancy place I never imagined living in, with a waiting list; so I sent my request to be put in their wait list; 2 weeks later they called me to tell me the have an apartment available… My life changed and 2008 was a year of surprises 🙂

    Then another promise I made was in 2010 for 2011, to be open for love… I started circular dating, I met D, And a few others… I liked D but he was “not ready” so I kept circular dating and I met “S” he was like a puppy, a cute one who brings out a maternal instinct on any woman. I fell for him we dated for 3 months and he was sweet funny and I open my heart more every day, then suddenly he wasn’t into it and well it was over…

    I did get to open my heart, and I let things get in, I learned to be vulnerable.

    Then, for this year in 2011 I promised to let someone love me… I had other intentions when I made that commitment, I thought it was about a man’s love; but The love I got was from me. Yes, one day, I started feeling something I haven’t experienced, I realized I love me…

    I got another ring with a real pearl because it feels feminine 🙂 I have a new promise for 2013 and I will put my new ring at 12:00 AM 🙂

  427.  #427Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Luzydel I feel inspired reading your stoty. It sounds like making a commitment to oneself in a tangibly symbolic way. I really feel inspired to go buy myself a ring or a bracelet for 2013 because of the hopes and tingles of success I feel swirling deep in my stomach for this year.

  428.  #428Tam on December 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Smile, I love your posts at the moment, feels like we are CDing with you…pretty cool.

    Yes, Curly…hmmm…it’s too good to be true. In fact, we went for a walk just now and he even said ‘oh, I know why you are a little reserved and holding back. It’s because you think this is too good to be true, well I feel the same way. Every time I was dating someone there was always something that I didn’t like, or it seemed like hard work and with you everything just flows and I can be myself and it feels great’.

    And the NY thing was a misunderstanding because he just assumed that he was coming with me…and today he asked me what time…and I said ‘oh, I didn’t think you were coming, I almost asked someone else and was just going myself now’.
    He was shocked and said whether I really thought he was going to go with the boys when he could be with me. Well, there we are.

    I must say that it feels weird though, like something is going to give. This is far too easy. Is it supposed to be so easy?

  429.  #429Smile on December 30, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    I wrote my letter to me for 2013, first I reflected on 2012.
    Wow I can feel it manifesting already! Tingly excitement feelings!

  430.  #430Smile on December 30, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Aw thanks tam, it feels exciting!

    I feel excited for you too!

    2013 feels exciting!! X

  431.  #431k2012 on December 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Wise words about circular dating, Indigo. I agree with the advice given to u. I have a question about circular dating. Does it also involve flirting with men? I am just asking for clarification, ladies.

  432.  #432Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Yes it does K2012. Flirting/smiling/talking to them while on line at the grocery store anything where their energy is coming at you.

  433.  #433Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    ***Here’s my answer:
    Jennifer, This was EXACTLY right – NO MISTAKE!!! –
    You must ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH…That’s what keeps fear from taking over….and that’s where attraction can grow.
    Some men are simply not able to do real relationship. You know you attract these men and are attracted to them because of your history with Toxic Men.
    Circular Dating will smoke those guys out!
    He’s not backing away because you’re a free spirit…he’s backing away either because the attraction is not deepening for him, or because you’re not as EASY as he’d hoped, or because he’s a Toxic man and somewhere inside he KNOWS he can’t do this, or he just doesn’t ever WANT to do this, he’s just fighting his attraction to you. Or, he just wants sex.
    He may have felt the pressure from you after sex, and he may feel it from inside himself…but it makes no difference…
    Sex is meaningful to a woman, no matter how much of a rock star you aim to be…you can’t help but put out stronger vibes after sex – and if you don’t, you wouldn’t be authentic . That’s why sex should only happen when you know exactly what’s going on with you and you can speak it first.
    Let him back off, and if he shows up again, try not having sex. Just tell him that you could feel the pressure, and you’d rather wait and just have fun with him. From what you say about his coming over…sounds more like a booty call to me, too…let’s see what the other women on the blog can offer you…
    Love, Rori

  434.  #434Smile on December 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    You can also circular date yourself I believe!

  435.  #435Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    And Circular Dating is sort of radical. It’s subversive to all that. It’s putting your OPTIONS ahead of someone else’s feelings. It’s not trying to get what you want by giving someone else what he wants.
    It’s simply being forthright, open, vulnerable, truthful, and pro-active about what YOU want, and allowing everyone (and believe me there are TONS of great men who are despairing of ever finding a woman who actually has HER OWN RUDDER and follows her OWN DREAM) to want to connect to YOU.
    It is becoming the object of desire rather than remaining the “chaser” of desire.
    It’s a completely different way to live your life, in which loyalty and fidelity and exclusivity are EARNED by a man, rather than somehow “expected.” It’s flying in the face of convention and convenience and what we all did in high school. It’s being willing to live without a “boyfriend” because what you want is a ‘husband” and “family.”

  436.  #436Lori on December 30, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Do you think that men back off from a relationship when they are scared? Feel the pressure and not sure they are ready? Like I said before, my guy went from saying I’m wife material and he’s crazy about me to he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, all in 4 days!

  437.  #437Tam on December 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    I wonder what Rori would have to say about a man who talks about forever after 1 month of dating.
    It feels a little spooky.

  438.  #438Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Tam I am sure she would say it normal. I have seen her say that. It was either in a response to a question on one of the blogs or it was in an eNewsletter.

  439.  #439Smile on December 30, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    “Sex is meaningful to a woman, no matter how much of a rock star you aim to be…you can’t help but put out stronger vibes after sex – and if you don’t, you wouldn’t be authentic ”

    I feel a little bit concerned. I slept with one of my CDs because I wanted to, yes I was a little attracted but I am more attracted to ambulance cd as times gone on, maybe also because I’ve seen ambulance cd more? Anyway I didn’t feel attached after, quite the opposite? I felt less attached? I’ve since td him I don’t want a sexual relationship and just have fun dating etc the sex wasn’t great… We’ve now got a cool date planned 🙂

  440.  #440Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Here’s my answer:
    You can Circular Date without actually DATING anyone – just flirting and letting men come up to you and talk with you and EXPERIENCING that your options are open. It’s having the solid confidence that if your man slipped up or got wishy-washy – you’d be able to go out and have fun with a new man at the drop of a hat. That vibe in you is all you need for now. This is what my Targeting Mr. Right program is all about.
    So – without trying to give you all the nuts and bolts of the program, let’s just talk here about how this could work in your MIND.
    1. Stop Guessing.
    There’s a BIG thing I hear in your letter – and that’s you GUESSING. You’re guessing “what he would say” if you were to give him the “No Boyfriend” speech so that he can understand it.
    2. Define what YOU mean by “options open.”
    I’m certain he would not expect that you would not TALK to another man. Will you feel guilty talking to another man? Flirting with him? Letting him ask for your phone number or email address? Giving you his business card? Or does this feel natural to you under the circumstances?
    Everywhere you go, and everything you do, there are men. All sizes, shapes, colors, types…and men all the same. You can either close yourself and your body down around them, or you can…
    3. Keep YOURSELF open.
    You can either radiate a “I’m not available in any way” vibe, or you can radiate a “I’m not married- give it your best shot” vibe, or you can radiate a “I’m exclusively involved at the moment, and I plan to be married, yet I’m open to finding out who you are…” vibe.
    There’s all kinds of ways to be in this world – and closed down is my least favorite.

  441.  #441Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Its only been two months and this man is crashing his boat all over the place.
    He is much younger than me (24) and so I know financially he doesn’t make a lot. However I let him lead. We had a few dates where all we did was drive around and go sit at a look-out spot. Many of my girlfriends ask me why I don’t take him out to dinner etc and pick up the tab. Clearly they need to read The Modern Siren!

    I manifested an amazing man who can’t get enough of me and wants to give me all that he has. He has already asked me to be exclusive and said next year we are getting married.

  442.  #442Tam on December 30, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Thanks FW. Hm. Guess I feel surprised. Because it feels sincere also. Like he actually means it. Much unlike my exbf, who told me he loved me but I never felt loved.
    This guy just wants to give, he is not needy and doesn’t ask me to tell him how I feel about him or how much I like him, there is no pushing for anything. He just lets it flow.
    Guess I am just not used to it and look for a fault. I could just enjoy it and be in the moment instead! So I shall! 🙂

  443.  #443Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Truly Lori I believe you should take your attention off his words and focus on what you want in your life. Men at times tell us stuff that we want to hear. They know what we want to hear. Let them just flow in and out of your life. Don’t get stalled by anyone until they show up with the kind of the commitment you want. Words are easy.

  444.  #444Lori on December 30, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I had wondered about that, even though I’ve never said anything. I’m going to start CDing which is going to be uncomfortable for me. This whole thing is fresh so it’s going to take me a bit to acclimate.

  445.  #445Lori on December 30, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    and Actions speak louder than Words!

  446.  #446Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I am sure it won’t be uncomfortable. If you really check I am pretty sure you will notice that you cdate unconsciously.

  447.  #447Violette on December 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Tam, congratulations! Whatever comes of it and whatever you decide, you are definitely giving off powerful woman vibes.

    Smile, thank you for your take on J’s behavior. Whether it’s true or not, it feels better to think it’s that than whatever else.

    I feel great today, like I don’t care what comes of the men I’m dating and me right now. It feels like something I’m doing for me, like such a nice way to practice discovering and exploring both myself and different kinds of men.

    D called today and asked me out for Tues. It felt good to flirt on the phone with him. I’m finding ways to feel satisfied with exactly where I’m at. Feels so good!!

  448.  #448Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Got a text from realtorCD and it had a sexual vibe and it felt weird to get that type of text since I haven’t heard from him like in 2 years, so I texted him back and said; It feels weird to get those kind of messages etc.

    I fell blah, it is just practice anyway…

    PizzCD contacted me also, he said he wants to get to know me, but for now in a friendly level because he got out of a 4 year relationship past january, I am ok with it; again it is just practice and I don’t go ahead of myself much lately… more CD’s will come out anyway 🙂

  449.  #449Tam on December 30, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Violette, wow, thank you!

  450.  #450Smile on December 30, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    I’m feeling great practising being vulnerable with amb cd. In fact I’m being more vulnerable with him than I am with friends or family.

  451.  #451MovingMagic on December 30, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    My close girlfriend wants to introduce me to her male housemate. He sounds pretty amazing. I’ve never been introduced to a guy through a mutual friend. This could be exciting.

  452.  #452Curvysiren10 on December 30, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Indigo. I do want to share but I’m on my phone right now. More when I’m back online.

  453.  #453Dominique on December 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Smile – 176 – Thank you for reposting this, and I feel really thrilled this resonated with you.

    I’m back from vacation by way. I have missed you all so much.


  454.  #454Dominique on December 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    k2012 – 231 – I’m not really clear about your question. I would ask you first how you feel about him? Would a call be invited by you, i.e. would this feel good to you? Or would it feel negative?

    If it’s unwanted, I would suggest being polite yet clear that his call doesn’t feel good.

    If it IS wanted, then you would make it clear to him it does feel good thus encouraging more contact.


  455.  #455Daria on December 30, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    yay thank you Daria for gently trimming my toes nails

    Putting oil first felt so exciting to see the beautiful shape carved by me 🙂

    Thank you for following the hair n nail calendar

    Thank you for feeding me yummy tuna

  456.  #456Daria on December 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    I feel so excited…. My nails are looking great… A little more trimming left… I feel sleepy

    I feel mad that I feel obligated to keep trimming to finish now

  457.  #457Daria on December 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    My feet are so beautiful

    I’m so beautiful in floor of the ocean mode

  458.  #458Daria on December 30, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Mmmm this guy called me and his way of talking sounds like Guy who’s … I felt turned on… Yay 🙂

  459.  #459Daria on December 30, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Thank you Daria for eating tuna and bringing my yoga may upstairs

  460.  #460Daria on December 30, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    You know , I wana have sex w u, and for me after sex my feelings grow and I want to see a man often… What do you think ?

  461.  #461Vi on December 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Oh wow I feel so impressed! That girl has this ‘I have all the time in the world’ vibe around her and her posture and she looks so confident and also soft and I dont feel competitive or jealous to be near her, I wish I could be her friend and just copy her every move ) ! Actually we look pretty much alike hehe.. okay I feel like Ive just met an ‘ideal’ , dream version of me I crave to be !

  462.  #462k2012 on December 30, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Thanks Dominique for answering me. What I am really asking is how should I respond or interact with him if he calls, in light of how he ended things by disappearing. How do I feel about him? I feel he is cruel and disrespectful. Would a call feel good to me or would it feel negative? It would feel negative trust me. I have given myself closure and not waiting on any phone call for him to give me closure. Although I have calmed down now, I really want to “tell him off”,(curse him off). But I won’t. But I would certainly in a calm and assertive voice tell him that he is disrespectful and cruel. Not sure if u saw this update a little above Number 231-he text my sister who resides in the same country and wished her Merry Christmas.

  463.  #463Daria on December 30, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    I’m acting friends w Scorpio Cd 🙁

    I feel bummed , I’m not used to bring w a man for several days without goin into that mode

    Writing this I feel like wow great practice

  464.  #464Daria on December 30, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    I have all the time in the world!

    Life loves me!

    dad loves me!


    Duh ?


    I have all the time in the world

    Life loves me

    Dad loves me

    I feel so lost

  465.  #465Daria on December 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    K2012 – do you feel angry ?

  466.  #466k2012 on December 30, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Texting my sister to wish her Merry Christmas might not sound like a big deal by some persons. Keeping in touch with your ex girlfriend’s family is a bit strange, awkward, not sure how to describe it. Wondering if he is feeling guilty?my sister responded to the text but she like the rest of my family is truly upset with the way he ended things.

  467.  #467k2012 on December 30, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Yes Daria u could say that I am still sort of angry which is why I want to curse him off. I have gotten over him still. I have stopped crying from October. It is the first in my life that a man who I am involved with has hurt me so. First ever. A man who I reconnected with on Facebook (the guy before disappearing ex), he stopped contacting me, but that was NOT a relationship. It was at the getting to know u stage, so I didn’t feel hurt. It didn’t reach the relationship stage as that guy was not ready for a relationship as he was still not healed from his divorce from his wife. U know some of these men are something else-i overheard disappearing ex refer to me as “one of his girlfriends” instead of “his girlfriend.” Its like what Rori said in one of her newsletters of men who would start calling her their “friend” instead of “girlfriend.” So its like we are demoted to friend status and we are not even aware.

  468.  #468Luzydel on December 30, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    D and I agreed that we can hang out together without the sex; I told him that even though I was trying to be open about it, I got attached and full of expectations; and that for now I want to date different men and treat them equal, so that means I cannot have sex with any until one of them step up.

  469.  #469Dominique on December 30, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    k2012 – 460 – Okay then you have two choices, either ignore his calls until he loses interest, or you tell him that his call feels bad, and you don’t want to hear from him again. It stirs up too many feelings of all kinds you just don’t want stirred up.

    The text to your sister needs no addressing.

    Does this help?


  470.  #470k2012 on December 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    Yes Dominique. Thanks very much. U know I deleted his numbers from my phone and in order for me to remember the numbers if he called, I wrote them down. I was forgetting however that because cell calls would be more expensive for him, he wouldn’t call from his phones, he would use a card. As we both have a cell phone only, it would be expensive as he is calling from overseas. He lives in the US and I live in the Caribbean. If he uses a calling card, I wouldn’t have a clue when he is calling so I could use the other option.

  471.  #471Daria on December 30, 2012 at 6:00 pm


  472.  #472Daria on December 30, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    I love my anger. I love my disappointment. I love my bloatedness.

  473.  #473Daria on December 30, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    I ‘dont have the energy to sex myself all the time’

    I want to Be sexed


  474.  #474Daria on December 30, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Thank you Daria for drinking nourishing tea

    Thank you for painting my toes nails w clear coat

  475.  #475Dominique on December 30, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Indigo – 98 – K and I have been together for over ten years, no plans for marriage. What desire I thought I had for it dissolved quickly when I discovered I had the relationship I wanted and then some.

    Out of seemingly nowhere, he “proposed” a few months ago, and I put this in quotes because it was the strangest, most unromantic one ever I think though in this, it was endearing and left me laughing aloud.

    We did get married this past June, small, quiet, no one there but the required witnesses and the mayor. I thought it might feel different, and for a sort time and subtly it did, but now all is as it was. I forget often that we are married.

    Another perspective for you maybe.


  476.  #476Dominique on December 30, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Smile – 298 – Why did you post this? Is this your relationship?

    I can attest that Aries and Libra together are amazing. I am Aries, and K is Libra.


  477.  #477Daria on December 30, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    I feel ‘running away’

    Or… I’m not gona take this opportunity… Whee glad we don’t have to …


    Then anger?

    Toby Robbins crazy 8s ?

  478.  #478k2012 on December 30, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Thanks for the hugs Daria. Thanks again Dominique. On another note, if I am going out with a girlfriend to a nice cafe and we decide to take a male friend along, would it act as a deterrent to me meeting guys at the cafe. I am wondering it would keep off guys who might want to strike up a conversation or who might show an interest in me. Would they likely believe that either me or my friend might be involved with the male friend. Planning on going to a cafe, hopefully this week. Have to put myself back out there. Seeking your advice, ladies. Thanks.

  479.  #479Daria on December 30, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Daria is giving me the awesomest pedicure

    I feel so spa life queen of Sheba loved and worshipped

    It is like art


  480.  #480Daria on December 30, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Thank you Daria

    I feel so moved and thrilled I feel embarassed

  481.  #481Memulo on December 30, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Thank you Starbright for your comment to me from the other day. It helped!

    FW and Indigo: smth about a woman being comfortable with uncertainty. NO WAY for me. NEVER again. I allowed ambiguity in my relationship and was lied to almost to a point of making fun of. I did it for all ‘the right’ reasons, don’t want to get into them, but I this is what i ended up with. From now on – I want to know and I’m not comfortable with uncertainty.

  482.  #482Memulo on December 30, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    DrCD is coming back from his trip tomorrow and we are spending NewYears together and I feel torn apart.. He calls every day, we are in touch and he says he misses me. I feel like I’m in the wrong story of someone else’s life bur then ‘my’ story wasn’t really mine anyway.. Or I didn’t make it mine and that’s what hurts the most. I am not good with going with a flow, I end up where I don’t want to be..

  483.  #483LoveAlways on December 30, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    Sharing my resolutions with the blog and the universe:

    -No more free advice
    -More aware of my surroundings
    -Journal during the good times, not just bad
    -Strive to be in each and every moment
    -CDs must be consistently supportive of me (I’m going to stop doing all the work)

  484.  #484GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    I feel tightness in my throat and pressure in my chest and behind my eyes.

  485.  #485Memulo on December 30, 2012 at 7:58 pm


    How are you?

  486.  #486GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Throbbing on the top of my head and woosh woosh in my neck. Uuuurrrrrrgggggghhhhh

  487.  #487Daria on December 30, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Wow so Nanny CD is coming to smoke so Scorpio CD can come later. Hmmm

    I feel resentful

    I Love my triggers

    I feel soooo intrigued

  488.  #488Memulo on December 30, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Wondering how Starla is doing

  489.  #489Femininewoman on December 30, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Memulo it is your show so you get to decide. Hope the guy doesn’t feel pressured by your need for certainty

  490.  #490Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Dominique 473

    I read about the proposal and you and K getting married on your blog – I thought it was just lovely, it had me feeling all grinning inside!

    I feel very inspired by your relationship with K, and particularly that you felt you had all you ever wanted, and more, without the marriage aspect.

    This is what I want for my own relationship.


  491.  #491GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    I feel all tumbled up and out of order.

  492.  #492GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    I want to go have a shower.

  493.  #493Vi on December 30, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    I feel bored to cd myself. I feel annoyed to notice that. Now I feel giggly. Hmm .. my inner goddess self tells it’s not me; it’s just the usual ways of cding feel routine now.. and there are so many other good-feeling things that “we” could explore and try…. I feel adventurous.

  494.  #494Memulo on December 30, 2012 at 8:32 pm


    It’s ‘a guy’, not ‘the guy’. I don’t care, Id rather feel comfortable myself.

  495.  #495LoveAlways on December 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Hi Memulo!!! Happy new year!!! I’m doing okay – how are you!

  496.  #496MovingMagic on December 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    I want to get in touch with my powerful woman this coming year, & am visualizing what that looks like to me. There’s a comfort I want to get to within myself. Color feels huge to me. Slowing down, candles, incense, literature, & massages. I have a cute & sexy dress for Nye, along with heels, & black fishnets. I’m making self care, rest, & boundaries a top priority. This year I see myself on stage, dancing to my own choreography. I will continue to cd, until I get the relationship *I*want. Much of my life has felt heavy, this year I’m embracing a lightness in being.

  497.  #497Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Moving Magic 494: I love your post! These sound like wonderful resolutions!

  498.  #498MovingMagic on December 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Thank you Indigo, I feel a huge shift, & still have areas that need to catch up. Haha. I’ve been resisting texting my ex, & felt like typing those thoughts out would remind me why I shouldn’t. It’s working. 🙂

  499.  #499Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    Lori 395

    For me, what has worked the best to change my vibe is to put myself and my pleasure first. I need to remind myself to do this, and it’s a constant practice and a constant art.

    Taking care of yourself, doing things that you love, becoming ever more aware of how you are feeling and loving those feelings, and *importantly* being open to the attention and love of all those around you (CDing) – all of these things change your vibe.

  500.  #500Indigo on December 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    D’s exact words to me were “maybe you will go out with 2, 3, 5, 10 people, and maybe in 10 years time we will be together. Maybe you will change, maybe I will change, people change.”

    Whew, blogging a lot today.

  501.  #501Vi on December 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    I love my “it’s my fault’ pattern…

  502.  #502MovingMagic on December 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    Indigo, regarding your words to Lori -preach it sista! That’s what it’s all about. I want to slow down enough to ask myself ‘What would a powerful woman do/say in this situation ?’ & then respond (in my own time) coming from that place.

  503.  #503Lori on December 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Indigo, thank you so much. I actually feel really good. I’m strong, happy, energetic and I have a full life. My kids, my girl crew as I call them, activities. I’m busy. I’m going to make a bucket list of things I want to do.

    I find this interesting and not sure what to think but it’s like I “feel” him. The connection, like he’s not really gone. He’s going through a bad time and needs to work it out himself. Me? I’m living life, truly living it. 😉

  504.  #504Sirenity on December 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    I have been doing “Your Best Year Yet ‘ by Ginny Ditzler ..workshopping my way through the book. This is the third year i have done it. It takes quite a few hours , but you end up with a major focus for the next year (mine is being an excellent provider for my future needs and those of my sons.

    You also generate some “Guidelines ” for yourself ..
    Mine are “seek help and advice”, “plan for success and fun”and “step out boldly”.

    Then you get to create a new paradigm for living ..” ” i am empowered , healthy, whole and free to do whatever i want”.

    This all culminates in a list of Top Ten goals for the next year which are concise and values driven.

    I found the last time i did this my major focus was health and I certainly made a big improvement there , plus I changed my life to accommodate my family more and this gave me a lot of satisfaction.

    I highly recommend this method to gain clarity for the year ahead. I am now going to use the “letter to myself’ method dated 31/12/2013 and create a future memory for my poor exhausted brain. Needless to say i am not doing anything else for New years Eve!!!!

  505.  #505GlowStix on December 30, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    brrrr I feel biting cold on my ankles. I can’t wait to curl up in my own bed. A whole king size to myself! YES. Soooo spacious. No tiny crampy waking up curled up at the foot of the bed kind of sleeps! Gonna stretch out like a starfish and moan out loud when I lay down. wupwup 🙂

  506.  #506Smile on December 31, 2012 at 3:24 am

    474- dominique,

    Yes the guy I’m dating is an aries and I’m a libra, I have nev