Please Let Your Squeeky Voice Comment

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Hi all – just wanted to add something general to the “relationship advice” conversation that extends it out into the relationship we here in this community have with one another.   And it’s this: I know that so many more of you would like to comment but aren’t sure about it –  and it can feel a bit scary to come out in public and speak your mind…and I SO want to encourage that. 

Feel absolutely free to MAKE UP a NAME!!

You can even do it more than once (you’ll land in moderation the first time with a new name, but I’ll find you and get you out…) Make up a childhood name…make up a name that’s a squeeky or “unpleasant” or “the stranger” part of you – or allow yourself to imagine yourself as the “siren” you truly are! – and make up a name for you that makes you FEEL that way. 

And just take on this persona (it really is a part of you that you want to get to know and to practice expressing) – and try it out. 

You can write out in word-processing what you want to say, and work on it if you want, like a Power and Feeling Speech you’d work on with a man…even (and especially) if you have something pointed to say that you don’t think will be “well-received” or isn’t in the perfect “Feeling Message” style

Even if it’s “judgmental” – not of anyone else here, specifically please – but of some belief you have about men or life – or you want to complain – just state it as the words coming from that part of yourself!

If what you have to say is in anger at someone else – or even at me! – for what I say or what I allow to be said rather than control or moderate – then let’s find a way to get that out. (If you want to communicate to me personally about something that’s bothering you on the blog, and I haven’t already found it in your comments – please address it to my assistant – she’ll forward it to me and I’ll get to you as fast as I can. You can also go through Melanie if you’d like to get on my list for teleclasses or anything else you’d like to know about my private practice (still keeping it small so I can write 99.9% of my time, but also keeping it active so I have real-life things to talk about and Tools to share that work for real women in real life).

So – let’s see if this experiment works for you if you need a push to get into the conversation – and for those of you who find it easier to communicate like this publiclyand already have the hang of doing it in Feeling Messages  – please bear with and be helpful as “newbies” give the hard stuff a try…

Remember – we are all about Circular Dating all the time –  which is about continually triggering yourself on purpose in order to grow and shift and get braver and have more boundaries and self-confidence.

So if anyone here seems more confident, or “louder” than you are – and is making you not sure about commenting and joining the conversation – this uncomfortable thing is actually – to me, anyway – a GIFT to you! 

Really! In a very anonymous way, you can learn to take in the feeling of anger and upset and disturbance by whoever is triggering that, and then speak the truth here. And we won’t know who you are!

A bonus here – is we get to see that the person and the thought and belief that’s triggering us is usually someone, some thought, some belief that’s STRUGGLING inside us!

A person who is not modest and comes on strong and disturbs us is triggering the part of ourselves that doesn’t feel worthy.  That doesn’t feel like WE deserve success. When actually – it’s kind of helpful to watch other people struggle so publicly and loudly with their desire for success, and the actions they take toward it – which actions, by the way – are not EASY for most of us. 

We’re all a mix of extroverted parts and introverted parts, parts that think we own the world and parts that think we deserve the dregs of the world. The question is – do we all want to be “somewhere in the middle”?  A “nice balance” of extrovert and introvert, success and no success, love – but only “so much” love? Or is it okay to to be BIG!!!

How about we each find our OWN balance – the one that feels good to US – and let’s make it okay to travel up and down all over the map until we settle where we feel best? Experiment. Explore. Engage. Experience. Express. Expand. The 6E’s.

And here – this is the experimental ground. No one has to be perfect, or fully formed – or even PLEASANT here. The thing is to see what happens, what feels good – and TRY STUFF.  If you make friends in the process – you’ll know that the friend you’ve made has seen you as you are, and loves you as you are. And if you find yourself in a negative, complaining, judging space, you’ll get a chance to look inside and see if that’s all there is to you (I guarantee you, it’s not!).

If you’re getting the comments by email – one at a time – I know that’s going to be hard with such volume…let me know if any of you have ideas how to make it smoother, so the comments you don’t want to read or don’t resonate with can go by you without too much energy – sort of like life and men!

The truth is, taking actions toward success is so programmed into each of us as a NEGATIVE thing – we each need to experiment with a bit of what we might consider “rudeness” and “loudness” just to find out who we really are and what we really can accomplish.

If nothing else – this blog is a place for us to try out our wings.  I get to do it in my posts – you get to in your comments.

There are all kinds of places our wings can take us. And yet, being sucessful in ALL ways is something we’ve been all taught we can’t have.  Business success, fame, love – can we have it all?  Will (as I was taught from childhood) the other shoe “drop”?

Most of us are hiding our lights “under a bushel” – and it’s my job and my mission to help you let your light shine as brightly, and as far into the darkness of the world as it can (and who can even imagine how far that is?).

Okay – what if you get slammed by someone?  You won’t – if you state it this way…”I’m here anonymously – I’m trying out some riffing from a part of myself I’m not used to expressing and learning to love that part of me and process through my negative thoughts about someone or something else…”  and then close with – “I totally forgive myself for even thinking that I’m separate from myself or from love.”

If you need help, Daria’s comments might help you – she Riffs fearlessly…read some of her comments and see how far she’s willing to go!

Or look at Mercedes’ comments and see if you could dare to be so forthright! (Remember – you’re making up a name!)

It’s cathartic!  It’s self-empowering!

It’s all a magic act – believing we can soar and then jumping into the air.  Whatever I can do to give you a boost to try for a thrill – even in this tiny way of just writing out yor feelings, even if they’re not “nice…”

If it turns into a nasty mess – I’ll jump in and try to buoy it all up…but wouldn’t it be great if we could create here some of the “chaos” you find out in the world, and then learn to work through it in a powerful – FUN and HAPPY way?

Here’s to shaking it up!

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Rosalie on August 29, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    I’m still Rosalie. Ok,I will be the first! My nasty voice…Is feeling unheard! I’m a demanding child today! I’m asking mummy with puppy eyes to get me a book from the Universe! I posted this to an other article, but I’d like post again. Yay! I’m aggressive 🙂

    Dear Sirens,

    I have a HUUUGE request to you! Maybe somebody can help me, or knows a friend who can help.

    I would like to buy this book:


    If any of you owns this book, or somebody you know, and you don’t use it anymore/ don’t need it, I would like to buy from you! Or pay for the shipping at least, if you don’t want to get anything for it. I wouldn’t like to take advantage. Any bargain is okay. Maybe if you have it in ebook, because you bought it, it’s great too.

    I live in Eastern Europe. So if there is a Europen Siren here, it would be the best. Amazon. com doesn’t ship to here! I tried on Ebay,and they have it only in the USA! It’s weird!

    I can pay through VISA. Please leave a message to me a here with an email address, so I can contact you. Or write me here please:

    If you know good international booksellers in Europe where I could directly, it would be help as well!

    GREAT THANK YOU-S!!!! 🙂 ))) I would really like to read this book for half a year!!!

  2.  #2Stilliwantmore on August 29, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    I havent posted here before but Ive been reading for awhile. I need some help. Ive been with my bf for almost 2 years. For over a year we pretty much did everything together,spent family time with his daughter and my 2 boys, and he was very loving and attentive and we were very close. We had some problems mostly from my neediness and insecurity, but some problems because of him too tho. Anyways about 3 months ago we got in a big fight and everything has been awful since then. He has been going through a lot of personal problems during this time also. Well he keeps saying that he loves me and wants to be with me but we have pretty much only been spending time together when i push for it which i know i shouldnt be doing. He also says that I was too hard on him and he felt like he had to spend everyday with me and do everything i wanted or i would leave him. I know I have some issues and i have been working on them. Anyways he has been becoming more and more angry distant and cold with me the more I try to spend time together talk to him and he says that all I want to do is talk about feelings and he feels like he cant make me happy. He has been pretty mean lately but I know that he can be a great loving bf so I really want to fix this. Anyways yesterday i called him and asked him if he wanted to come over and watch a movie and he said maybe ill call you but we did talk for like 30 min on the phone and when we lost the call once he called me right back. I know that he still loves me, but i cant understand why he doesnt seem to care about spending time together anymore or why hes being so cold. Yesterday on the phone he was friendly to me tho, and he texted me later that night but mentioned nothing about spending time together and then he texted later to say goodnight. So i decided that im tired of making an effort when he isnt making any effort at all and why should i keep trying to spend time with or talk to someone who acts angry and cold to me anyways. Well i didnt contact him at all today and then i get a text from him this afternoon saying “how come u just leave me alone now? i have been so depressed about not seeing you and h(his daughter). Sigh I want to be positive but i cant stay busy enough” I mean what the heck the only way i could have tried harder to see him was to go to his house and kidnap him. haha. anyways all i texted back was “ive just been busy at the house and just got back from a ride to mich with my parents figured you were busy too…Im sorry that youre feeling depressed” he hasnt said anything back…im trying to lean back…did i respond right? im not sure i dont want to make it worse or push him away more

  3.  #3Sherry on August 29, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    Rosalie – I read your post on the other thread but did not respond because I don’t have the book, nor have I ever heard of it. Sorry!

  4.  #4dorothea on August 29, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    Rori, to better manage comments and keeping track of threads in which we are all participating, I would suggest a “recent comments” listing on a page of its own, rather than a short box on the side of the page. Or the short box with a … link to see the complete list of recent comments in x days.

    Thanks, Rori.

  5.  #5Diana on August 29, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    I feel something strange and I don’t know what it is. I feel it in my body. Something feels stuck. Something feels disconnected. It feels uncomfortable. Something feels wrong but I cant get in touch with it. I ask myself what is it but I get no answer. Maybe it feels like something is closed. Any advise?

  6.  #6Buttery on August 29, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    Wow, Diana, you sort of described exactly how I’m feeling now. And I felt the same way this weekend as I spent time with my love interest. I felt closed and disconnected, and I felt hopeless about knowing how to change that. I just wanted to hide out in the safety of my silence, take the focus off of myself, talk about him instead. I felt like I had nothing to share.

  7.  #7Buttery on August 29, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    i feel triggered when he mentions his ex-gf. but i didn’t say anything today, when he mentioned her casually, a story about how she used to drive. But we were sitting in the car when he said this, and and he was navigating some really crappy traffic after being on the road for 3 hours already. Even though I felt annoyed to hear about his ex, I didn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t want to make him any more tense while driving in crappy traffic.

    so i stayed quiet. did i miss the opportunity? i feel that i should bring it up when he is in a better mood. but i also feel insecure that i even want to bring it up, annoyed that a little thing like that would bother me so much….i must be pretty insecure. after all , she is a part of his history.
    it’s my own problem, isn’t it? my own insecurities.

  8.  #8Buttery on August 29, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    what should i have said? maybe
    “i feel weird when you talk about your ex-gf”

    sigh. “weird” is my standby feeling word.
    it’s just vague enough that i feel comfortable using the word.
    i need to take a risk and find some more descriptive words to express how i feel. but that would mean i need to be in touch enough to really know what i’m feeling

  9.  #9Lizzie on August 29, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    Hi Diana – I have struggled for a few years with identifying feeling in my body. Here are some of the things I do and maybe some of them can be of help.

    1) there are only a few core feelings from which many other feelings are connected like little threads. These are: happy, sad, fear, frustration/anger (even this one is actually fear in disguise)
    2) identify the sensation in the body and where it is located (I find this quite difficult most of the time). I will just start somewhere to see what is going on there – what do the muscles around my kidneys feel like; what does my tummy feel like; what does a keagel squeeze feel like; what do my shoulders feel like; what does my jaw feel like…
    3) practice identifying the sensation in the body on a regular basis and connect the sensation to activities you are doing at the time – for example: at present, I am typing a message for you and the group, I feel the mix of tension in my hands (because I have been away for 2 weeks, not typing so my typing muscles are not as fluid as they are normally; I feel the tension in my shoulders – this tension is just a bad habit I need to attend to – I need to breathe into my shoulders and drop them or I will get too tense and not sleep effectively; I feel some tension where my ribs meet my tummy – this feels like a little thrill (happy feeling) because I feel I can make a contribution that may be of help to you; my hips are relaxed – this feels nice (happy feeling) because I have just driven for 9 hours home and had anticipated more tension here; my feet feel cool and I like that (happy feeling) because they are usually in pain from inflammation)
    4) if I can identify feelings in my body while calm, it is easier to identify feelings in my body when other things are going on – the better I get at following sensations and connecting them to something in the immediate present, the better I get at just about everything else. For example, last evening I sat on the balcony watching a glorious sunset on my last evening of vacation. The sunset was just lovely and as I sat there, I connected in with my body – I drew deep breaths into the depths of my belly and deep into my pelvis, I felt the summer air, warm, fresh, pine trees, earthy forest, dewy lake air; as I breathed out, I noticed the scent and taste on my tongue as lovely and clean; I felt my shoulders, hips, thighs, chest relax; I felt my face muscles relaxed, my brow relaxed, my eyes relaxed, I felt a gentle smile; I felt fully at peace, I felt beautiful (very happy feeling).

    feeling stuck, disconnected, uncomfortable, wrong… these are all judgements to me. I would begin with a spot on the body and just begin: what feeling do I have in my finger tips? what sensation do I feel – warm? cool? tender? firm? what is going on with my finger tips right now? Oh – I want to strangle something! Aha! that might be anger!

    Play around with that for a bit, see if that helps.

  10.  #10earthangel on August 29, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    I’m happy that I came across your work Rori, it’s changed my life, really.

    I feel excited about my future and I am a siren. I feel like I’m glowing like a light and men are like bugs in the night sky attracted and it’s just a matter of time before I find one that I want to take things to the next level with.

    Rosalie: try this link

  11.  #11earthangel on August 29, 2010 at 7:21 pm

  12.  #12Diana on August 29, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    I feel afraid of what i feel. I feel afraid of making the wrong choices. I feel afraid of bringing negative things into my life. I feel afraid of harming myself. I feel afraid of being attracted to what hurts me. I made a choice of hiring a man I am attracted to although he said he just sees me as a friend. I feel afraid of myself! Of the harm I can cause to myself! I been smoking… I want to stop. It makes me feel sad not to take care of myself. It makes me feel sad to hurt myself. I have learned to love myself so much. I feel so much better about myself. I am learning to set boundaries to others, co-workers, friends. But I see that there are still ways in which I don’t. I punish myself smoking. I forgive myself for not loving myself 100%. I know that because of the work I am doing I will get there. I will learn to love myself 100%. I will learn to take care on myself. I will learn to be good to myself. Doing this work is already being good to myself. Being here is already loving myself. writing this is being good to myself. I will learn to set my boundaries. And then no one will ever hurt me again! I am now crying! I will not let anyone hurt me again! I love my fear. I love myself. I will not punish myself by closing myself. I will be open and protect myself setting boundaries. I dont want to protect myself by not letting him come! I am afraid this man will hurt me. I am afraid I am bring him into my life to hurt myself. Or….am I afaid he might love me? Now I felt like smoking. I noticed this before! I noticed I feel like smoking when I think he might hear my song and fall for me!!!! Am I punishing myself for allowing myself to imagine that a man like him might fall for me? I feel he might. I feel like smoking again. I am nervous. i feel very nervous. My hands are sweating. I wanted to say. He said he sees me like a friend only and that he will never love and open up again. But I feel how he is connected. I need to smoke! I cant stand this. Ok I am now smoking…i feel relaxed…..and i feel sad for doing this to myself but i feel relaxed. wow….is this what is going on? is this why i am smoking? i feel he might love me. and i feel afraid that i am lying to myself about that. the nasty voice says: are you stupid he already said he doesnt, he does want to. You are bring him to cause you more pain! he will never do. another voice says: but how could he ever resist! he will fall…. what voice am i more afraid of? which voice is right? when he is with me he looks so happy. He shines. I see him shining. He says he feels happy. when I see him i feel happy. i shine. I love what i become in front of him. He brings my best self out. I bring her out. I bring out my irresistible me. my hards are cold and sweaty. My heart beats in a very nervous way. I feel confused. When I am with him I feel so irresistible even I cannot resist myself 🙂 this is why I want him to come. I like that magic. I want him to come because of how he makes me feel. I want to bring him because I want to see him fall in spite of what he says. I want to see him grow and become a man for me. I feel blocked. I feel nothing. I feel again closed. I feel confused, should I bring him or not!? 37 very cleaver man applied for the job I offer (I wish I had that many dates 🙂 ) and he is the best man for the job. I was hopping he would turn out to be the best candidate, and he did! Should I not hire him just because I am attracted to him??? because he is a threat to me? Because he triggers me? because i am afraid i might not be able to handle it? Should I hire the second best guy just to protect myself? A safe situation I can handle with out problem and miss his company? Please Sirens I dont want to make this decision on my own!!! Help me!!! 🙂

  13.  #13Diana on August 29, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    I feel grateful Lizzie and Buttery for your comments and help. Lizzie, I will practice what you say 🙂

  14.  #14Buttery on August 29, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    Thank you Lizzie for your helpful suggestions…I will try them

  15.  #15Diana on August 29, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Buttery, I understand what you say. I also feel afraid of voicing my feelings. Learning to voice them is part of the work. Try doing it like Rori says, in feeling messages. It works. It always turns out to be good. Take baby stepps

  16.  #16Brenda on August 29, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Lizzie’s back! Welcome back, Lizzie!

  17.  #17Jasmine on August 29, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    I feel like rubber because I almost got evicted tonight. I took my dog to the vet on top of a large car repair a few weeks ago and I couldn’t pay my rent. Then my landlady was all down my throat because my apartment has been messy cuz I’ve been in depression and my dogs have fleas really bad this year.

    I just cuoldn’t get on top of it because when there are fleas, you have to get rid of them all at once: shampoo the dogs, flea spray the house, and wash the bedding. Each of those things is a one day task with my schedule and energy level. I don’t know how to get on top of my life becuaasei I feel overwhelmed and I jsut don’t have time and energy to do it all.

    I talked her into not evicting me but it is going to take giving her most of my paycheck next week and I am going to be really tight financially. I need more car repairs and it is just too much financially and with housework. I have just been too sad for too long and not functioning well.

  18.  #18Daria on August 29, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    i want
    chocolate cake
    a rose gold diamond ring
    with a single stone
    that will feel so lovely
    huh u lost me lol
    on u
    for my wedding
    i just imagined that
    that would go really well together
    to have the cake be chocolate cake
    and have doves
    adn the ring is really thin set but its rose gold
    thats special
    oooh i feel excited
    chocolate is my favorite
    lol glad u r
    i just ate some really good chocolate cake too
    i thnk it was from traders joes
    thats what i want it to be like
    it can have white frosting over
    but not all the way to the bottom
    it will be sick

  19.  #19Lizzie on August 29, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    Hi Brenda – thanks!! I am glad you are here! Big hug!!
    You will recall I was in a total flap over this herpes thing – NEGATIVE! wow was I playing bad movies for a while there. And it took a long time to heal all my lady parts after that laytex incident. Mind you, I now have a completely firm boundary – no condom, no play time. Learned that lesson well.
    How have you been sweetie siren?
    Looks like I am going to have 2 dates with new guys this week. I really need to get up to speed with my leaning back and feeling messages.
    I leaned in to fall over flat with over functioning with Family Guy – LOL – like I am laughing so hard…oh well. I will tell you about it momentairly. Jasmine needs a little booster.

  20.  #20Lizzie on August 29, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    Daria, Jasmine needs some of your chocolate cake!

  21.  #21Daria on August 29, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    im thinking one of the reasons i have resistance to guys im not attracted to is that im afraid theyre gonna turn into insta needy basically stalkers that might possibly rape me ugh this feels weird… sink into the weird feeling

    i love my asthma nausea get sick and die feeling

    i love me even blah fucked over hung over and thrown over

    i always love me u k now that boo boo

    ur my boo boo daria

    i am always available to listen at level 2 to u, i want to , i want you to feel listened to, paid attention to

    i love how you listened at level 2 and did waterwheel with neighbor

    i loved how you felt in the goddess space

    i think neighbor is “feeling” it for you again

    you are so sexy

    sexy lexie

    daria u r one sexy lexie

    sexie foxie jumanjji

  22.  #22Daria on August 29, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    i dont want to talk aobut your ex girlfriend

    i feel really angry

    i dont want to be treated this way

    this feels Really bad

    im outta here, getting out of car and calling a cab i feel like Escaping ugh

    that part might actually feel nice… we’ll see…

    he gets comments in between the lines

  23.  #23Lizzie on August 29, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    I am feeling sad.
    Overwhelmed is such a scary place and so difficult to see through it, so sad.
    I can not pay my rent tomorrow either and I feel angry.
    I started to feel angry with my children.
    Then I was angry that I went on vacation.
    I have an old belief that I don’t deserve a vacation.
    I realized angry at my children is a mirror to angry with myself.
    That old “I don’t deserve” belief doesn’t work for me any more.
    That old belief “I don’t deserve” makes me suffer.
    That old belief “I don’t deserve” makes my children suffer.
    I feel angry that I have not influenced my clients to pay me more quickly.
    I feel angry that I have not followed up with them to make sure I was looked after.
    I feel angry I did not look after myself.
    When I don’t look after myself, I can not look after my children.
    I must look after myself first.
    I must look after myself right now.
    I am going to go to youtube and look at tapping to make sure I take the steps to look after myself first.

    I love my angry feeling.
    Angry feelings give me a place to start doing something differently.

    Jasmine, take baby steps.
    write a list of all the things you need to do
    make a whole page
    write 35 lines of things you need to do
    turn those three things – laundry, dog flees, etc. and break it down into 35 lines.
    now take those 35 lines and break those down again – make 3 pages!
    be proud of your 3 pages!
    give yourself a reward for 3 pages of things to do! (daria’s chocolate wedding cake with dripping luscious icing! or a Joe Louis…, or a bubble bath!)
    now take your three pages, and colouing pencils – or dots
    now put them in some sort of order – any order you like!
    now do three things on your list
    cross them off the list
    give yourself a reward!!!
    Write this down: I am totally awesome!!! I made a list of 3 pages!! I did three things on my list!! I am totally awesome!!!

    now do this with the flees-
    put everything you own into the freezer
    laundy one load
    spray your dogs
    spray your house
    pay your rent
    ask your friends to make you food – they will
    go to work
    take your things out of the freezer and launder them
    put other things in the freezer – your pillows etc.
    keep putting things in the freezer

    then the flees will be gone

  24.  #24Rori Raye on August 29, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    stilliwantmore, Welcome, and you’re not going to like this…what you tell of his communication with you is that he’s put off by your tone of voice, your behavior, your words. You need to work on these BIG TIME before you try them on HIM. He needs some space, and when he sees you again – he needs to experience you DIFFFERENTLY. He is not a man who responds to neediness and insecurity and fights, and your talking about feelings (I’m pretty sure he means negative felings, telling him what’s wrong…the 4 rules kinds of feelings. Feeling Messages have to be primariy GOOD feelings (otherwise, why would you be in a relationship with someone who always made you feel BAD?) – to make him feel good and everything work. On top of all this – he sounds to me like a man with some emotional problems of his own. Please get the ebook and learn to script Feeling Messages…it will help you tremendously…Love, Rori

  25.  #25Jasmine on August 29, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Thank you Lizzie! I will try that. I got a lot done yesterday but I am so backlogged. I guess I can only do one thing at a time tho. Thank God I didn’t get evicted. I hope I can find someone to help me. I just have too much physical and emotional trouble that I just can’t function well to do it all alone. I think I can stay on top of it once I am caught up tho.

    Thank you for caring!

  26.  #26Brenda on August 29, 2010 at 8:56 pm


    I feel so happy for you it was negative about the test! Yay!!!!!!!! Good to have you back here! I can’t wait to hear about your vacation and your bonfire!

  27.  #27Rosalie on August 29, 2010 at 9:05 pm


    Thank you for reading and commenting me.
    I know this link. You won’t believe but Amazon doesn’t ship to my country!!! Even British bookstores don’t ship to my country! I watched abot 20 pages. Great stores, the have what I want, but don’t give it to me!
    I can’t believe it…It’s just a small book, not an elephant!

    Hello mass consumption! Hello world wide web! Hello world village!

    GRRRRR…. I feel my anger! I feel like shouting to the Universe. Yesterday I was practicing singing again. “Memory” by Streisand… It helped!


  28.  #28Stilliwantmore on August 29, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    Thank you for responding to me Rori. I just feel so confused on what to do or say sometimes. I will feel so good because Ive decided to stop doing any work and give him space, and let him make the effort again, and then he will text me something like what I posted earlier and I have no clue what to say. I dont want to play games. I know they dont work and thats not the kind of relationship I want to have. He does have some emotional problems right now. Hes about to go through a custody battle with his exwife after some bad things happened with his kid and my young child got dragged into it too by his exwife. Although it was all proven to be false, but I think hes afraid of what else his exwife might try to say or do also. He told me tonight that he feels disconnected inside from everything right now. He just doesnt act like his usual self towards me at all lately. I feel good about giving him space, but its weird when he texts me asking me why im leaving him alone. Last week I got out of work at night and he knows when I get out but i didnt call or text him and then he was up all late after I was already asleep texting me like 3 times about how he had expected me to call him and that he missed me and didnt know what to think about it, but then the nights that I do call he acts all busy or like he doesnt want to talk to me. I hate feeling so confused. I feel like I think and worry and obsess about it all so much and I wish I could just stop. Sometimes I feel like I should just break up with him and move on, but its not what I really want. I want us to be like were before, but everything seems so complicated to me now. He tells me that he loves me but I dont feel loved or wanted anymore. Sometimes I feel like maybe he never really loved me maybe he was just emotionally dependant on me or maybe he still is and thats why he doesnt seem to want me or want to let me go. I feel like I deserve better than that, I deserve to feel loved and secure and wanted and all those things and I dont know why its so hard for me to let go even when I havent really felt any of that for awhile. I guess its because we did have a really close bond at least it seemed like we did and I want that back but I feel so hopeless about that. I dont know I feel bad about writing so much about myself.

  29.  #29Rosalie on August 29, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    Yes I feel isolated, belittled. Belittled? Hah! Benothinged! (Okay this word doesn’t exist…Just playing with words…It helps sometimes.)

    If I lived in USA I could reach many great products, books, DVDs…I’m hungry for such things! I’m hungry for good enertainment! Because I live in Eastern Europe I’m not somebody who desterves a BOOK???

    Btw, I have all the other books byEllen and Sherrie and I would read this to see what it says. A cca. 15 dollar worth little book…

    Okay, I give up…

  30.  #30Lizzie on August 29, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    Brenda – I have written up a story about the bonfire and will see if Jacqueline would like to post it on her new blog – I will let you know.

    Have you found that red leather bustier yet???
    And Bill??? any signs of hope???

  31.  #31Daria on August 29, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    i feel hungry, hungry for more sparkle, i desire feeling loved close sharing and laughing, i love my sparkle i love me i love my flush
    i love taking care of me, speaking to me well, meditating, resting, riffing, energy moving, learning, trying, discovering

    i feel nauseous so many times a day , lil tasks make me tighten up, im watching , listening, unraveling myself , allowing my self to relax


    Daria is allowed to relax!

    yes that means party her ass off


    Daria loves partying her ass off

    woooo feel the rush of celebration

    i feel weak

    im used to judging this

    i notice

    i stop

    i feel interested curious excited




    i feel more IN my body

    can u dig that?

    this alien wetsuit feels pretty good huh

    i love my alien wetsuit

    i would f*ck myself many times over


    with ravenous passion

    will i ever meet a man that wants me as manlymuch as i want myself?

    i would eff myself silly


    i should have been born a man and married myself


    then i would have had to deal with my awful subtle put downs

    and my annoyingness


    no one wants tat

    i feel sad

    i dont wnt myself


    i just want to fuc(k myself



    this feels kinda weird

    to discover



    what do we have here

    non love for self

    what can i do?

    i cant force myself to love myself

    or marry myself


    i feel trapped


  32.  #32Daria on August 29, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    if beiung with me would meen feeling as lonely and blah as i feel now, that wouldnt feel fun.

    i dont want to feel lonely and blah

    i feel interested in learning

  33.  #33Daria on August 29, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    im probably coming out of a long depression. of like thousands of years.

    hello romanian girl. i see you put your head out the surface

    many merman an merwomen havent been seen here in these parts for quite awhiles

  34.  #34Daria on August 29, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    i just talked to myself! like paid attention to myself.

    I said, so how about you. How are you feeling?

    oh you really want to know how i’m feeling?


    well i think the stars are cool, theres an airplane…

    no no

    how are you feeling?


    im feeling…

    kinda scared to be alive

    kinda frustrated

    kinda stuck

    why stuck?

    cuz i like being around hella people

    but i spend time at home alone

    theres a part of me thats afraid to be around people

    i feel really angry actually

    i love me…

    and so on…

    it actually wound up that i talked to both parts and we all decided we were gonna help each other

  35.  #35Daria on August 29, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    i feel good like i feel when a man pays attention to – listens – to me. neighbor man had a paper about listening on his wall, it described listening at level 2, its a gift, it makes someone grow, mmm it feeds me too the listener yeah

    i like it

    im gonna listen to the world at level 2 now,

    i can listen to me at level 2

    turn the vacuum inward

    the thirst inward

    or outward

    at level 3


    but not at a man

    unless youre in sex

    cuz then youll swallow him



  36.  #36Daria on August 29, 2010 at 11:00 pm

    no no no.

    i claim myself. i take it back

    i said something, and it came out sounding way more sexually provocative than i meant it to, and i feel embarassed now, and yet i kinda like it, and i claim it. i said it and i like it too and i feel bad that i said disclaimer… i am trying to beat myself up again, i feel bad im gonna just fele this feeling, ugh it feels like disconnecting form my body whoa

    i love my feelings i am just inflating, my whole torso just floated up

    i feel scared

    i love my feelings

    i feel scared at the hizouse right now

    i love me for saying that

    i feel panicked

    i love me

    i feel terrified.

    i am as safe indoors as outdoors, indoors as outdoors.

    i feel more safe outdoors, but i also feel more uncomfortable… ie .. where would i sleep

  37.  #37Daria on August 29, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    I have the phone, i can call someone if i want, to, reach out and touch them, i feel jumpy.

    i love me.

    ilove my grown woman jumpiness

    i dont like being alone, not right now, i feel terrified

    i love my terror, no i dont, i want to love my terror, i dont want to feel it

    i am in petrified terrorized mode

    i feel like im in one of those movies and this blog is my last recourse



    i feel interested in my drama

    i feel slain by my drama

    i am clearly living out some body pattern right now and

    i am feeling terrified and being in my feelings as best i could

    i can be in my feelngs and typpe see multi task

    i love me

    even if i feel icky saying it and it soudns lame and gross and not like i could lean on it cuz its like an eel

    how do u lean on an eel?


    i love me

    i love my f**n


    i s this anger?

    i feel angry?

    i feel hella FRAKIn angry?

    at everyone

    for freaokin

    not beig here

    wtih a party

    and “letting me wilt alone in a small room… UGH ANOTHER STORY THAT FEEL S BLDAH”


    i feel like

    they’re poppin up like mushrooms

    so much anxiety

    to try to keep them down

    the freakin storeies
    hat make me feel bad

    or ick subconsciously

    i am asking angels to take all of them and rewrite the story ending to something that feels good

    thank you angels

    ta day the end
    i did it agian

    woo hoo

    im a super hero for self

    i think my cat wnats in here

  38.  #38Daria on August 29, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    its quite possible that this feeling isnt from middle school but from my parents making me go to sleep alone in the dark while they were still up partying. and i felt left out. and i love me. and i want to give myself all the fun and love i felt left out of. so i place that right there on my time line inthe near future… and then again, and again, and a hundred times, and let it grow and spread exponential, to where i learn the lesson and pass the threshold, of everything i want in life

    and instead of sounding like peacock feathers

    it sounds like night sky and warm bread

    and i love the fear you feel. you are such a warrior. we can tell.

    you are the best. always on alert. and its ok to relax now. even tho being on alert is what made you popular, what if you could be popular without being on alert? what if being on alert is effortless and good? what if the confusion is a good thing?

    like lots of bannanas/

    what if i felt cool about my cat making all this noise aroudn the outside of the house

    i am on constant alert. i feel unprotected. i dont want to feel this way. i want to feel relaxed AND protected.



    im starting to feel that way


    thats what im talking about

    see the magic works fast now


    i am a magic writer

    and a magic speaker

    and a magic mover

    and a magic toucher

    and a magic thinker

    am i a magic feeler?/ nah i wouldnt go that far… im not all THAT 9999 reallyy??? I feel sad???

    why am i not all that?//

    cuz im not

    just face it?


    i want to be all that

    ok you act like you are, but youre not

    im sorry. thats just how it is. youre cool. youre just not all that. sorry


    i feel crushe

    i want to be all that


    i feel so disappointed.

    im NEVER all that

    its always the other girl being all that

    im not all that


    i try so hard

    and for no reason

    how humiliating

    im a failure



    i love myself

    thank u


    i have a trigger bad issue boo boo hear

    i love my pain

    even tho youknowwho didnt want me the way i wanted him, im willing to open to shifting my beliefs about this now

    even tho youkknowwho didnt want me the way i wanted him to, im willing to shift my beliefs about this now

    even tho you know who didnt want me the way i wanted him to want me, im willing to shift my beliefs about this now

    i choose to believe that i am a goddess, and that i am worshipped by men, and this situation is a story with a message for me the honorable goddess Daria

    and not just honorable but sexy sassy and funny which i dont call myself cuz then i feel like my dad who is a guy and i dont like feeling like a guy wow this feels weir d to unravel, i have my funnyness tied to my dad, like i have to give him credit for me, like women cant be funny

    Funny isnot sexy

    Funny is not sexy

    how cna funny be sexy in a womana?

    what s a funny sexy goddess?

    aphrodite is not funny?

    is she?


    funny is not sexy and im Funny!


    im panickying

    i must be sexy at all times

    he will see me

    he will see that im lonelu and alone and have no hope of getting a man EVEr becaus i complain too much and m not satisfied with myself and am unhappy and dont have a chance to get it right here cuz i m way too weird by now

    oh god

    oh god

    oh good



    more drama

    thank you to the plays and cartoons programming our mindds

    i love me

    i love me

    i love me


    i love me

    i feel like im on a train, and its taking a long time to get there

    i dont really want to stop typing

    its keeping me alive, its keeping me from feeling useless and alone and perrhaps terrified who knows

    im a great movie imaginer huh

    i must justify my existence by doing something productive

    what is productive riht now

    is being funny productive?

    i dotn think so

    thats what i like

    being funny

    i am very funny


    love me

    oihhhhhh Im getting interesting … and INTEREsted iin Myself!!1

    and yesi im getting interesting too…

    what kinda coffee do i like?

    well actually i dont relly drink cofee, maybe a capuccino or those starbucks things…

    oh, id like to get you a dessert you like…

    oh… thank you…

    so what do you like…

    mmm… i like cannelinis i think theyre called? downtown at the italian restaurant…

    and i like mangoo pudding at desert republic

    mmm that would feel heavenly to eat right now

    oh really? wow! you are really sexy!

    oh me? for real? ugh.. i feel ickyand weird now! and flattered!! and sad!!! i feel sad that you dont think im innocent and loveable, and want to protect me, an d take care of me, oh i feel so sad, and not good enough and afraid, oh oh oh – drama! — oh i love me

  39.  #39Daria on August 29, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    i feel ashamed. i feel like this is called “mental masturbation” i read that in a book once, and it felt bad… it seemed like a bad judgement, shameful, and now i feel shame aobut writing about myself on a blog, because it mental masturbation and i formed a belief that that is shameful

    and because of that on top my head feels dizzy


    i feel icky

    i love my icky feeling

  40.  #40Daria on August 29, 2010 at 11:45 pm

    well i was gonna think about men, but lets find out more about daria…

    daria, how are you feeling?

    well im feeling kinda tightened up, in my bellyl, and in my lips, that tight feeling, and im feeling sad about feeling tight this way

    ohhh… hold on in there, we’ll send reinforcements. Daria is holding on for dear life, she feels afraid probably

    shes feeling held and tighteend

    shes feeling not in control of herself

    shes feeling discouraged

    shes feeling kinda helpless

    daria needs our help

    shes over there not really able to move

    cuz her limbs arent functioning

    we gotta helpher walk and talk and stuff


    i love my fear

    i choose to release the anesthesia energy out of my body now

    and thank you for being here when i needed you!

    and greetings to my energy coming back into me

    thank you

    i am just struggling –> tweaking

    ia m just beginning to know myself.

    so what do you like to do?


    i feel good dancing, and it feels fun to be on the computer when im at home, i always read and write stuff online, im kind of aa nerd


    so when can i see you and have sex with you?

    wtf? i turn boys on too good with my feeling messages. ugh.. i feel too sexy… i feel like i scare men with my sexiness

    i love me

    they are scared to love me because im cding and im so damn attractive

    and i LOVE me right now

    im like the lil puppy that loves me

    i will do that

    i will humiliate myself and stuff because i love me to grovel in teh dirt just at the chance to say that i love me



    i love me!

    i will not shuttup

    i love me!


    i love me too!


    i feel like a yapping chihuaha

    a yapping chihuahua that loves me

    i feel ncmofrotbale receiiving this much love

    i love me anyway


    this feels diconnceted

    i feel waful

    aww i love my feelings

    and i love me

    i love me

    i love me

    this is helping me grow too
    to accept more love

    i love me

  41.  #41Daria on August 29, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    right now some fried beef would taste so good.

    i have grassfed beef fat that i can fry that might be bomb a liciious but maybe tomorrow

    im such ha weirdo! i feel excited! i have grassfed beef fat! whoa

    better than bacon

  42.  #42Brenda on August 30, 2010 at 2:59 am


    My relationship with Bill is still warming up, but still no “real” date outside of work. I have concluded that it is definitely because of pressure from work ethics. He has been awaiting another woman to take over his side of the project that he works on with me. It was supposed to be an official shift by Sept. 1st but the woman who is taking over for him keeps putting him off because of her other responsibilities. So he seems angry about it. I am interested to see if anything changes Sept 1st. I feel sure that if I were to leave the company, he would date me. Thanks for asking!

  43.  #43Brenda on August 30, 2010 at 3:20 am


    You may remember that Erika said on Friday she has an idea of something she would like to do (for free). When I didn’t see anything more about it, I emailed her and asked. Here is her idea…

    She is open to doing an HBR call (probably 90 minutes) with the Sirens!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    She said we can do a general anger release and positive reframing of beliefs session … She doesn’t have time to organize a group, so I offered to do that. She is going to run a teleclass… She can take questions beforehand and answer them on the call … She can take a list of limiting beliefs and frustrations collected from the whole group and use that for tapping sequences.

    The basic idea is that this is an opportunity to check out HBR for free in a group teleclass. Everyone would tap along and benefit from the call. Erika’s suggestion for a topic is Clearing Anger and Limiting Beliefs About Men, but she’s open to other topics if there is a different consensus.

    I asked Rori about it, and this is what she said:

    “Hi Brenda, This is Rori – I’m totally fine with whatever you wish to do – I love EFT and the HBR that Erika has developed from it (I love and know Erika, too), and would be fine however you wanted to handle it…I assume it would be some kind of conference teleclass – and if you’ll let me know when it is, I’ll try and attend. I can’t help you organize – but you have my blessings to do whatever you’d like…feel free to put the link up somewhere in a comment….Love, Rori”

    We would need to do the call an evening or weekend Pacific time after Sept. 12.

    The next thing, if you want to do it, is to email me if will commit to join us on the call. After we have a cohesive group, I will provide details and set up the call itself. This week is extraordinarily busy for Erika, so she is leaving it entirely in my hands to recruit people.

    This is an exciting opportunity to discover new ideas towards being our best selves! So what do you think?? Please email me at if you would like to participate!


  44.  #44Brenda on August 30, 2010 at 5:49 am

    P.S. If peer pressure is a concern for you, like Rori said at the top of this thread, feel free to make up a name! 🙂 I think this could be a lot of fun and very educational and healing, too!

  45.  #45Kiki on August 30, 2010 at 6:41 am

    Hello Sirens,

    I spend a lot of time in this blog/forum – mainly reading. I’ve posted twice, I think. In response to the above blog, here’s what I want to throw at you today.

    The men I meet, the men I know, all these men around me, they want me. They want to have sex with me, that is. They really do, and they tell me so. They like me. They like being around me, they booty call me (or at least try to). I can name about a dozen of them like this. Do they want a relationship with me? No, they don’t.

    I do my best to interact with men as much as I can, simply for the fun of it, and it is fun, but I’m a bit exhausted right now. I’m so sick and tired of being single.

    I had a couple of conversations yesterday with two of these guys I am referring to. One I hadn’t spoken to in quite a while. I had been avoiding him because his actions had stated to me he wanted a friends with benefits scenario with me. When he asked me why I “disappeared” on him, I told him truthfully that it’s because I can’t accept that kind of situation therefore I needed to avoid him. He was mad I didn’t talk to him about it. So, he got mad at me for being honest, and told me “this is bullshit,” then refused to speak to me further.

    Next, another one of these men said to me “you better invite yourself over soon.” And he and I both knew what that meant. Again, I said outright, “not interested in a friends with benefits thing, sorry.” This guy was more nonchalant about it, and said the invitation was always open. Then he even “sexted” me later with some dirty thought to which I responded “I just want to be loved.” I knew that would shut him up, and it soooo did.

    What is going on here? I can recount hundreds of similar scenarios to you that have occurred through the years (some more drastic than others).

    I know I’m awesome, I know I’m beautiful. I want a boyfriend, and that seems like the LAST THING this Universe wants me to have!

  46.  #46dorothea on August 30, 2010 at 6:57 am

    I don’t want you to despair. Your situation actually sounds salvagable to me, compared to the many horrendous possibilities you could be dealing with.

    To me, it sounds like you have been doing a lot of the rowing and functioning and leaning forward, and now you are doing the “turn around,” which is often very awkward for men at first. I am not surprised he texts you asking why you’re not calling him and all that.

    So what we do during the turn around is switch into “girl mode”, “lean back mode,” and become an INVITATION. I have a tendency to overfunction and from time to time I become aware of it and switch into these other modes, and it works great!!

    You share your FEELINGS with him. So he texts you “omg why you don’t text me omg i’m freakin out” lol, and you say “sometimes i get busy…but if you gave me a call it would feel so good to hear your voice.”

    i gotta run, but i will be back later to help more…

  47.  #47Brenda on August 30, 2010 at 7:22 am

    She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in.
    As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, ‘You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!’
    My eyes lit up and I thought, ‘I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!’
    Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
    Afterwards she said, ‘Thanks,’ and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
    Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, ‘What was that all about?’
    She explained, ‘The egg timer’s broken’

  48.  #48Stilliwantmore on August 30, 2010 at 7:41 am

    Dorothea thank you so much for your encouragement and advice. I know its not as bad as it could be, I mean at least he still says he loves me, hasnt broke up with me, and still cares whether I contact him or not, but i still feel bad a lot. I appreciate your advice about what to do when he asks whats up with me not contacting him. Ive started to do that a few times, and then when he asks I always mess it up by pressing him for answers about why hes not calling me or trying to spend time with me, and pointing out that he texts me when i dont contact him but doesnt seem to care when I do, and i know that all of that is the wrong thing to do, and i feel pretty sure if i keep doing that then hes going to stop even saying anything about it when I dont contact him and think im just playing games with him. We are going to have lunch together today but I asked him..ugh, but maybe it wasnt such a bad thing bc he suddenly started texting me telling me about his friend and he hasnt really been trying to talk to me about much of anything the last few days, so I guess its a start. I just need to keep working on the leaning back, because I know it really does work. I want to feel at ease and not worrying so much that everything I say and do is making things worse for us.

  49.  #49Mercedes on August 30, 2010 at 7:47 am

    Rori! Thank you so much for this post! It says in your own words what you have been showing me since I first showed up here…that we are all welcome regardless of our style or our voice! This is soooo wonderful.

    I wouldn’t recommend this to everyone, but because I am who I am and I have a LOT of trouble holding back when I want to speak out, I did something this weekend that brought J and I closer together than we have been all summer.

    I told him EVERYTHING.

    No joke. I had been feeling lonely sometimes with him and we would talk about that and we would have a great date (like the one I posted about last week) and then nothing would change and I’d tell him a little more and we’d do something fun and nothing would change…etc, etc, etc.

    So…this weekend…I took the damn filters off. I stopped trying to figure out what to tell him, how much was too much, how much was just me nagging, how much was my stuff that had nothing to do with him, how much was simply emotional hormones, how much was…whatever…

    I took all those filters off and we talked. All weekend. I cried…I laughed…I was serious…I was funny. It didn’t matter. I let it all go (even the “little” things that had been bothering me). I told him about things that I decided not to share with him because it was “my stuff” and there wasn’t anything he could do anyway. I told him my plan for fixing all of this (which he was supportive of but disagreed with – thought it was unnecessary). I used a few feeling messages. I used a lot of examples. And, without filtering anything…I also tried not to “nag” or blame him. (and sometimes I blamed him anyway).

    He told me he was feeling much the same way but he didn’t know it because he wasn’t paying attention to his feelings…he told me he wasn’t taking it as blame because I was able to tell him “this is how I feel and this is what I’m going to do about it.” and I wasn’t asking him to change…I was just telling him what I was going to do to change myself.

    And we had the most amazing weekend. This was more open, honest and complete communication than we’ve had all summer. We ended up not wanting all of this to end (a lot of the conversation was in the car while driving to a town over two hours away for lunch…and over lunch in that town) and so we left there and drove to Corpus Christi on a whim (with no luggage or anything…stopped at a Walgreens for tooth brushes and a sundress for me to wear home) and spent the night in a hotel with a balcony overlooking the water.

    All of this because I stopped trying to hold back that part of me that is direct and honest and “out there” and “loud”…and instead, I was my true self. I was the self that stopped thinking “I MUST use only feeling messages to bring my man closer when I’m upset” and started thinking “I love how feeling messages work for me sometimes and I will use them, but I also love how being me and being direct and telling J what I THINK…I love the effect that has on him as well – because think about it…J fell in love with me before feeling messages, he’s loved me all this time without hearing too many of them, and he still loves me.

    What if he just misses that girl who tells it like it is? What if he’s a bit jealous because here and on my blog gets to see me (the real me…lashing out and all) when I disagree with something or when I’m angry about something…and he gets to see the “new” me who has learned so much about relationships. Maybe he was ready for the real me…the one he fell in love with…to tell him EXACTLY how I was feeling, what I was thinking and what I was going to do about it. Maybe he missed me as much as I’ve missed him. This summer was hard for us. The weekend helped bring us back.

    So in other words…thank you Rori for teaching us so much (I for one and very grateful for all that I’ve learned from you) but…if I may add a little advice for everyone here…

    Don’t forget to be YOU….don’t be afraid to lean forward once in a while and start the conversation…don’t be afraid to tell it like it is…don’t be afraid to let what you’ve learned here ENHANCE you…but please…please….no matter what any coach ever teaches you…don’t be afraid to still be YOU.

    I forgot that this summer and had been trying to filter myself based on everything I’ve learned about men. What that did was help me to consistently tell him about my negative feelings. I would be upset about 10 things. And this week, I would tell him about one. Next week another. The next week another…all so I wouldn’t be that nagging b*tch no girl wants to be. What was the effect? I was nagging about one thing or another week after week. So…I took the filters off and used a combination of everything I’ve learned with everything I already am…

    And J and I fell even deeper in love and we talked more intimately than we have since probably April or May and we stopped taking each other for granted and we stopped hiding pieces of ourselves that are upset…and we had the BEST weekend! It was beautiful and I have no regrets.

    From here forward, I will not let a whole bunch of little things build up inside of me and I will be honest with him sooner (after I process it internally…I’m not planning on lashing out every time something makes me sad or angry…lol) and I will use feeling messages ONLY when they feel absolutely right and I will NOT use them because I know they “work” and I will NOT stop using them because they irritate me sometimes and I will NEVER again try to change who I am so I can relate to him better.

    I GOT this relationship thing…I will continue to learn every single day…but I GOT this! I will NOT let stuff build up while I try to figure out which pieces are “right” to share with him and which are not. I will re-commit to talking to him when I first feel off and not try to hide within myself until I figure out if it’s about HIM or about ME. He loves me…I will trust that and I will share with him in my own voice…mine…the one he loves.

    I know how to bring my man closer and when we have times where we are more distant than others (and we will) I’m going to use what I know…what is instinct for me…what has worked every time…and I’m going to continue to take what works for me and use it and toss what doesn’t…because trying to do things exactly the way someone else tells me to…just doesn’t work for me.

    Thank you for this post Rori. It was exactly what a lot of us needed to hear.

    Much Love,

    PS: And later tonight or tomorrow, I’m going to post this comment of mine on my own blog because…well…this is just SOOOO ME. (And I’ll add a link to your post as well)

  50.  #50Brenda on August 30, 2010 at 7:56 am


    That is beautiful! I am happy for you that you had such a romantic, perfect weekend!

  51.  #51AmberS on August 30, 2010 at 8:00 am


    Awesome. Rock on!

  52.  #52ReneeJ on August 30, 2010 at 8:01 am

    Is giving a man a compliment leaning forward?

  53.  #53Lizzie on August 30, 2010 at 8:25 am

    Mercedes, that is so awesome! Yes, learn, integrate, and always be who you are.

  54.  #54Lizzie on August 30, 2010 at 8:29 am

    Ok now, my turn to try to do the right thing right from the beginning – I have 2 guys, ironically with the same name, from eH, who want to have a first date with me. Yeah! Friday. So of course I will change one of them to another day.

    Now both have done this: “I will come to your end of town, you need to pick the place”

    I need a siren response. me saying ” I feel good when the man organizes the date” just isn’t my style.

    Oh heaven help me, I can see it now….man says anything; my response will be – “sweetie, please excuse me for a moment while I check in with my computer generated sirens to find out what is the most appropriate response….”

  55.  #55dorothea on August 30, 2010 at 8:37 am

    Ooh, stillwantmore, a lunch date! Sounds fabulous. A fabulous lunch date with a fabulous man. Ok, so here’s your pep talk:

    When he talks, listen. Listen at level 2. Just listen. Responses will not include advice or direction. Just “ohh” “wow” “sounds x” “interesting”, and so on.

    When he hugs you, melt. Enjoy the hug. You melt as a response to his action. You don’t grab on to him and squeeze for dear life.

    This is all about being an invitation.

    Keep it light if you can.

    He might ask you what’s been up with you and the relationship lately. You could say something to him like “i’ve been feeling really disconnected from you, and it feels terrible, but it also doesn’t feel good chasing a man around. what do you think?”

    approaching things from the positive can be very effective. So instead of “you don’t call me or show an interest in me” you could say “i miss your attentiveness.”

    i really hope i’m helping you!

  56.  #56Lizzie on August 30, 2010 at 8:43 am

    dorothea, you are brilliant! I need you to come on my date…

  57.  #57dorothea on August 30, 2010 at 8:43 am

    LOL, Lizzie! I have been on the phone with a man, had him say something i wasn’t sure how to respond to, and I said HOLD ON PLEASE, put him on hold, and posted here and hoped i would get an answer quickly. It actually worked out. How funny.

    I have faith and confidence in you though. You are well practiced here. You can have wonderful circular dates with both these guys. Forget about saying the right thing to make them want you. Just be yourself, and stay in touch with your feelings, and don’t try to control anything.

    About the guys saying pick the place…I have no idea how to address that. You could maybe meet them halfway with the feminine energy, so it gets framed in a way that it becomes THEIR idea and their doing.

    So it would look like “one of my favorite foods is italian, and it would feel so exciting to try the italian food at X restaurant. What do you think?”
    “I have been feeling major cravings for mexican food, and X restaurant has the best around here. What do you think?”

    I’m just improvising this. I donno if this is good Rori way or not, but ive got my boy hat on and i feel good trying to help.

  58.  #58Lizzie on August 30, 2010 at 9:05 am

    That is so hilarious Dorothea – what a vision…I can see the movie now and it will be much better than Eat Pray Love…many many many poignant moments….

    yes, yes, good help. I like your boy energy! (my boy)

    I feel all warm, fuzzy and smiley as I feel your kindness. (my girlie)

  59.  #59dorothea on August 30, 2010 at 9:47 am

    lizzie, i have a big ol’ nose (i love my big nose, btw), so I would make a very good cyrano de bergerac 😀

  60.  #60Ailyn on August 30, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Hi Rori,

    My name is Ailyn. I am 35 yrs. old and I have been going out with this guy for almost 7 months now. I would say that i have found a very good guy, consistent with his actions, stable and able to keep his promises with me. I know that he always wants to please me. The problem is I have a few doubts about our relationship.

    First, he has never said the words I love you yet, up to now and I am quite worried if he is still undecided with how he feels for me. Second, 5 months in our relationship, I brought up the topic of marriage, and told him that I do want to get married and I asked him if he has marriage in mind too, and what his plans are for us. He told me without hesitation that he is serious with me and that he usually holds off for 1 year in a relationship before he talks or proposes marriage (he was married once, for seven years and he has been divorced for 4 years). Then he told me to give him 2-3 months before we talk about it again, and we will take it fr there. I believed him, and I have been very satisified and content with his actions, though he doesn’t say it thru words a lot. Like what i said, he is very loyal, devoted and committed. Another thing, its been more that 6 months but I have never met his family. He told me once that their family is not very united. I just assumed that maybe they are all grown ups and have families of their own and maybe they don’t really talk or consult about their decisions.

    I want to know what you think about our relationship. I have experienced many setbacks with guys before, and I want to get it right this time. Like what I said, even if I have few doubts, I still believe and feel that I have a great guy in my life right now.


  61.  #61tinque on August 30, 2010 at 11:25 am

    cyranette de bergerockette… and a one two three…


  62.  #62Diana on August 30, 2010 at 11:32 am

    Dear Rori (and Sirens!),
    I am dating a guy who has an ex back in his home country whom he calls his best friend. He admits she’s insanely jealous of anyone he dates.

    She recently told him that I had called her several times and hung up, and read off my number to prove it. He called and asked me if it was true. I said no. I didn’t even know who she was until the night before. I didn’t know her name until the moment he asked if I called her.

    He said he was confused and he didn’t know whom to believe. He had known her for years, me for a few months. He also said she had intervened in a previous relationship, telling him something about the girl which turned out to be true, so he was inclined to believe her since she never lied to him before.

    I felt really awful and embarrassed to think that he believed I would do that. Anyway, he called me a few times and I ignored it because I wanted to back off and get my feelings in order. The next day he texted “are you ignoring me?” I texted him saying “ I need to know if you believe me. If not, I could easily prove my “innocence” with cell phone records but at that point I’d rather walk and forget it.” He called me, we talked reasonably and he explained that he was confused, didn’t think there was any reason for me to do such a thing, but he wasn’t sure. He asked if I would show him my call records so he could know for sure that she was lying to him. I said that makes me feel really weird. I needed to think about it.

    Anyway, get a call a few hours later and he says he finally got it out of her that she made it up and snooped to get my number. He apologized for putting me through that and said he really liked me, etc.

    OK, deal is, I don’t think he’s considering getting rid of her for this – he made excuses for her, saying she’s really broke, moving, stressed out, whatever. Before this happened he told me he gives her a “good night call” every night. I don’t get a good night call every night. She has called repeatedly late at night when I was there because he didn’t call her. (psycho?)

    He says he has no interest in a relationship with her, but this seems like a ridiculously unhealthy “friendship” and it seems like he enjoys the attention.

    I haven’t seen him since this whole mess but I may see him this week. I can’t tell him not to be in contact with her, but how do I express my feelings and concern about the nature of their friendship without sounding like a mean mommy? Or controlling?

    I don’t know if he’s worth dealing with, but I think he might just be a Clueless Guy (with a hint of immaturity). How do you show them proper boundaries or do you just dump them? Is it worth investing in? I kind of want the practice with feeling messages because I am growing SO MUCH with all of your advice.

    I am CDing (he knows it) and it’s awesome, but obviously I’m very attracted to this one on all levels (except the ex-factor) and I think I’m letting that pollute my judgment.

    Thanks for your help with Clueless Guy!!! Anyone have experience with this stuff??

  63.  #63Diana on August 30, 2010 at 11:34 am

    ugh, writing that message makes me feel icky and lame. desperate and stupid. god, why would I care about rehabbing a retarded guy who made me feel like shit? I’m not the Humane Society for Retarded Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  64.  #64bea on August 30, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    hey rori,

    i have the ebook. now i’m debating between two programs – reconnect your relationship and commitment blueprint. i’m feeling confused about the differences between them and when to use each one.


  65.  #65Daria on August 30, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    I feellike a cat, landed stealthily and walked, on the inside of my esophagus…

    ooh heart

  66.  #66Brenda on August 30, 2010 at 1:09 pm


    Commitment Blueprint tells step by step how to develop a relationship and its phases. It has a whole lot more, too, about self-esteem, developing your Purpose On the Planet (POP), etc!!!!

    Reconnect your relationship is good if you are on the outs with your man and you want a second chance for it to work. I don’t have this one (yet!)

  67.  #67Mai on August 30, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    i just want to say.. i pray that all you ladies find whatever that you are looking for.. i want us all to wish everyone love, joy, excitement and all the lovely things life has to offer. Feel the love as we are all one. .i was reading this and i want to share it with you….

    you are an aspect of infinite intelligence, and infinite intelligence is the source of all that exist. Therefore you are the source of all that exist and you create your own experience. everything is possible because everything exists within you.

    Your soul is the reflection of all souls. You are the Other. Without the other, you would not exist. You are defined by your relationships with others. You would need to describe the whole universe in order to define a single person. Therefore every single person is the whole universe. Your soul is both personal and universal at the same time. Everyone is a reflection of yourself. You are in a hall of mirrors where every reflection of yourself appears different. Others you admire reflect the qualities you most cherish in yourself. Others you detest reflect the qualities you most deny in yourself. Each person you see is a different version of you….

    The outer world is a mirror of yourself at any place and time. If you want to know the state of your personal consciousness, just look around and see what is happening to you. If you want to know the state of the collective consciousness, just look around at what is happening in the world. Your personal reality is synchronistically orchestrated by your sense of self at all times. If a critical mass of people expressed their higher selves, they would cause a transformation in collective consciousness and the world reality. Every time a person rises in personal consciousness, he moves the state of the world towards a higher one than before.

    plus i want to add that i want to connect with my MMJ on high levels of consciousness. i want his heart to open. i want to smell him because he smells mmm of chocolate..

    i love me
    i love my split ends
    i love my dark circles
    i love my fat post pregnancy belly with the saggy skin around my belly button
    i love my bony hips
    i love my flat bum..well im trying real hard to! i want it to be big and round again! any tips?
    i love my stretch marks
    but i hate my hairy legs!! they grow soo fast! urgh!
    i love being a mum
    i want to be beautiful inside and out

  68.  #68Laughing goddess on August 30, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Mai: I feel excited reading the excerpt you posted! I’ve been reading a book that says something similar. I feel inspired to share an excerpt from the book I am reading…it’s about feelings…

    “Every person has a limit regarding what they are with in terms of openness and the depth of feeling that they will allow themselves to experience. As we have said, this has to do with their past conditioning. Indeed, your various past experiences have shaped your attitude and comfort level regarding feelings. What is occuring on this planet now is a rapid increase of experiences in a shorter and shorter duration of time. There are consequently more and more reactions, more and more emotional and feeling situations than ever before. And these are actually opportunities for accelerated growth!”

  69.  #69Laughing goddess on August 30, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    More from the book…

    “understand clearly that these are opportunities for accelerated growth and evolution if you accept them. If you reject the experiences, of you reject you own emotional feeling reactions and polarize them into blame, then you have missed the point. Blaming the situation or someone else for your discomfort is erroneous. Your feelings and emotions are reactions to situations based upon your interpretation of the events. They are mirrors that allow you energetically to respond to and become aware of your own calibration to an event.”. ~Tom Kenyon

  70.  #70Laughing goddess on August 30, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    I’ve been reading this book for the past few days and I feel so inspired. It talks a lot about what we discuss here, feelings, mirrors, messages, and also offers practical how to’s about how to manage our emotions.

    I feel so appreciative that this book landed in my lap at this time!


  71.  #71Laughing goddess on August 30, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Initially I felt really annoyed when I read this in Rori’s post.

    ” – and for those of you who find it easier to communicate like this publiclyand already have the hang of doing it in Feeling Messages  – please bear with and be helpful as “newbies” give the hard stuff a try…”

    The image that popped in to my head was of two siblings arguing and running to their mom and each telling their side of the story. The one claims that the other one pushed them and then mom says, “don’t push your sister” without even knowing that the reason the other kid pushed the sister is because there was a speeding car coming right at them and they were actually trying to help the other kid.

    When I read that, I felt so sad thinking that I wasn’t being seen. I know that I have been the one saying that certain words aren’t actually feelings they are blame disguised in a feeling message. I feel completely understanding of the desire to go there. There are many times when I want to say I feel judged or I feel hurt. I totally understand the desire but I also find that when I try to be impeccible with my words around that it changes my awareness.

    So ya, I feel kinda sad reading that in Rori’s post. I believe she is doing her best and that she has great intentions.

    It would have felt really good though to hear some appreciation and acknowledgement for how patient we all have been with each other. I don’t want to be talked to like a kid.

    I realize this is a mirror and it’s all my own perception. I realize other sirens could have read the same words and gotten a completely different message.

    And I can give myself the acknowledgement that I am wanting to hear and that feels good. That feels really good!

    Thanks y’all for listening!

  72.  #72Laughing goddess on August 30, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    That’s something that I’m really becoming aware of is that when I am wanting acknowledgement or understanding or safety from someone else, it really feels just as satisfying to give it to myself.

    When I do that I feel free!
    I feel independent.
    I feel at ease.
    I feel loving towards myself.
    I feel great!

  73.  #73Barb on August 30, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    Dear Rori…I have read all ur emails u have sent to me…and did as u talked about….but still my b/f is searching for other women to have fun and pleasure and sex…he is 62 yrs old…now he is accidently leaving his webcam attached to his keyboard…2 times this past wk he has done that…I want to talk to him mabout what he is doing….I accidently caught him online doing cybersex when I came home 2 months ago..we have been together be 2 yrs in Oct and living together 1yr this month…I believe he isnt completely commited to me…and now that his is having serious health issues it doesnt help any and he doesnt sleep with me….should I just give up and move on and leave him? I have a close friend who has offered me a place to live….

  74.  #74Laughing goddess on August 30, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    I forgive my mom for dismissing me when I was actually trying to help my brothers and sisters. I forgive her.

    I understand that she was doing her best.
    I understand it’s not her job to fill my cup.

    It still felt really bad but I am willing to forgive her.

    I feel so ecstatic that I can fill my own cup.
    I feel so grateful that I don’t need anyone to change so that I feel good.
    I can feel good anytime anywhere regardless of what is happening around me.

    This feels so freeing!

  75.  #75Laughing goddess on August 30, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    I don’t feel scared at all to share my feelings. I feel confident doing it simply because I’ve had a lot of practice and experience seeing the positive results that come from it.

    The next step that I would like to focus on is sharing more positive feelings.

    I feel a little unsure of exactly what Rori says but I know it’s something along the lines of definitely share your feelings with a guy but be sure to include positive ones.

    So, that’s something I would like to practice more of…the main thing for me is they have to be genuine, not fake. In some situations, I feel challenged tapping in to the positive feelings I have about it. It’s like the negative feelings come really easily bit I have to concentrate to be aware of the positive ones.

    I feel happy that Rori encouraged us to speak our minds.
    I feel in agreement with some of what she said.
    I feel appreciative seeing that some sirens have opened up more after she posted that.
    I feel connected to those sirens more after seeing them open up.
    I feel happy that I took a break from here to read that new book.
    I feel excited about the information I gleaned from the book.
    I feel excited to practice positive feeling messages cuz it feels good.

  76.  #76tinque on August 30, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    An easy way to voice the positive when with a man is when he’s hugs or kisses you or makes love to you, you make feel good sounds whether it be a light moan or an mmmm, and you melt and say “that felt SO good” or “that felt amazing” or I like to just say, “YUM” especially after sex.

  77.  #77Laughing goddess on August 30, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Haha Tinque! I feel very confident expressing myself in that way!

    Just a few days ago, I was feeling a little embarrassed about how expressive I am during sex and I asked LI what he thinks of it and he said he likes it because it makes him think he is doing a good job.


  78.  #78Jilly on August 30, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    hey Sirens!

    I really really liked Rori’s eletter today. That is the first time I’ve heard about the’s such a good analogy!!

    I will be using that one for sure…it’s nice to know that men always pull away a little bit if not alot…it’s just something to expect…

    Things are going great with Sailor man…there have been many times where I feel myself wanting to move towards him and I don’t let myself..I find it’s the worst when I’m pmsing!!

    today we had a day where we stayed in bed all day!!! YUM! I haven’t had a day like today in a LONG time! then he took me to lunch and made all the decisions..we ended up having some serious talks and he said he felt awkward and I just sat there and said “I feel awkward too” I didn’t try and do anything about it and he totally stepped up and I actually felt us getting closer!! 🙂 at the end of our “day” we were cuddling and he whispered to me that I should like him..and I’m typically playful and asked him why I should..and his response…”because I can make you happy” I responded with a big grin and said…”Good Answer”! I can tell he is sincere…I feel happy..

  79.  #79Jilly on August 30, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    I am also very expressive during sex and no guy has ever wanted me to be more quiet 😉 It feels good to express how I’m feeling during sex…and the men I’ve been with take it as a sign of how good they are in bed 😉 it helps both parties..

  80.  #80Diana on August 30, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    mmmm i don’t know what to do what to do. i feel so weird about this now. why bother why bother. If i were not me I would tell me to dump his ass but i want sex and affection and someone to eat meals with and reflect me so I can see myself better. Not at the expense of my self respect. Are my standards impossibly high? Am I asking for jesus? I’m fucking tired of dating idiots who don’t think about how they act and what it means and how much shit do you have to take from a meat headed guy before you have to dump him? I’m tired of this crap taking up space in my head. tired. turned off and disappointed. turned off and disappointed. Don’t want to throw it away but I can’t be wholeheartedly IN IT anymore. who the fuck is he? why did I get so embroiled in his drama and almost get off on it? I hate myself for secretly enjoying some of this. I hate that fucking bitch for being a fucking bitch. I hate him for being friends with a fucking idiot. I don’t feel like doing anything to get him anymore. he’s totally devalued.

  81.  #81Tina on August 30, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    I’m here anonymously 🙂 I dont have time to read the whole blog yet, I popped in for a minute I have real life issues, and yesterday I realized that I truely love my family 🙂 even the ones I THINK are crazy!

  82.  #82Alicia on August 30, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    Rori – In regards to your reply comment to “stillwantmore”… (one of your sentences jumped out at me)

    I didn’t realize that our “siren feelings” statements to a man were suppose to be primarily good. I get it. But, I didn’t realize it. I have a habit of stuffing my fears or anger.

    Also, in the Modern Siren video it seems the feelings were all very raw and vulnerable (some tears even), and I know that is becuase ultimately we feel good around the person/man who disappoints us sometimes. I was just suprised to read that they should be primarily good.. I just thought they were suppose to be “real”.

    p.s. I didn’t read the post you were responding too from stillwantmore. So, maybe I took your comment a different way. Please elaborate if you want. 🙂

  83.  #83tinque on August 30, 2010 at 5:08 pm


  84.  #84LeLe on August 30, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    I am dating a good guy: P. Straight forward, uncomplicated. He is what he is. I really appreciate that. Really, really!!! Trying hard to not be in the past or future for there is only today.
    Old BF emailed me a couple of days ago. WTF? I cryed when that one ended. It was good because I let go of stiff-upper-lip (emotional suppression) and grieved about everything that I had never admitted before. Got rid of a lot of stuffed stuff.

    I feel sad. I need to go in a direction and don’t know what direction that should be. Listen to me “should” be. I need to take care of myself, find a new job. Want to go a different way, just don’t know which way. I want love… abundant, overflowing, joyfull, silly, messy, everything. I want time for love. I want time for me. I want time for life.

  85.  #85Brenda on August 30, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    LG, I left you a message on the next thread, “How to Get Over Him…” I love you and appreciate you!

  86.  #86Daria on August 30, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    wow… i kinda felt like taking a nap this morning, at like 12… and i took a nap till now! for 6 hours! whoa

  87.  #87thirtyseven on August 30, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    bea & brenda — so far i only have the e-book too but i am having a hard time deciding which program to purchase first as well. i wish i could just buy them all and not have to choose, but. 🙁

    how does commitment blueprint differ from targeting mr, right? is modern siren realistically be the best place to start? i don’t feel like it’s the self-esteem and self-love that’s my problem; it’s more in the relating to men and getting a realtionship to actually progress. any thoughts?/

  88.  #88Brenda on August 30, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    37, I highly recommend Commitment Blueprint! It is enormous and I learned sooooooooooooo much from it! I listened to it 3 or 4 times! It has such a variety of information, and it is well worth the money! How can you put a price on improving your self!!!???!!!???

  89.  #89Brenda on August 30, 2010 at 6:29 pm


    Good morning, sleepy head!

  90.  #90Daria on August 30, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    Mai –
    i have “Bum tips” i love mine to be nice and fluffy

    — T-tapp is an amazing exercise routine (rehabilitative but also originally a few moves taught to keep models in shape on the go)

    and she has a bum specific “Diva Derriere” move.

    That will perk up the bum for sure, especially it will get bigger if u drink/eat some protein right after

    — another thing is to take an icebox in an inner doorway, stand on the ice box, maybe with a backpack on.. hod on to the doorway with both hands (not the door part) the wall… and lower one leg almost to the ground, then raise up. almost like stepping Back off the icebox, but dont let your back leg actually touch the ground. Do 15 on each side. Stretch after and drink protein. Your bum will show increases after doing this everyday… it will show BIG increases


    oh yeah, also, i used to have lots of hair growth, till i got “lasered” it did work !!! i still have hair, i never completed the sessions, but now its only like 20% of what it was… i can easily walk around without shaving

  91.  #91Daria on August 30, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    thirtyseven – all the programs are good for everything, but if you want to focus on progressing the relationship,i would try commitment blueprint

  92.  #92Jasmine on August 30, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    I got a lot done. I feel better tonight. I just can do so much each day. I froze the pillows. Great idea!

  93.  #93Lizzie on August 30, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    Ha ha ha! I have 2 yes! 2 dates!! lucky for me, the new men have the same name and are the same age – now if they have twins I will completely freak. I am a freak anyway….imaging that??? I have begun CDing for real. Family Guy is on vacation with his twins. Now I must re-read Rori’s post that she did for me on how to talk about the ex and what happened there. I did a good job of it back in July when I had a date, but am terribly out of practice. I have had some emailing on the go with FG but not making much progress there. I really felt good about Rori’s eletter today as that helped bring perspective for me.

    Dorothea if you are now on this thread, I did the messages you suggested and it felt good and I am feeling confident. I am also having my hair done tomorrow – all hair – colour, cut etc on top, de-fuzz the face – threading; and of course my Brazilian is totally out of date due to the fiasco with the latex/herpes screw-up. Yes I am a mess! I love my messiness, I love having all my hair ripped to total smoothness, I love my smoothness, I feel so sexy and crisp. I shall be a crispy crumpet siren goddess! I love it!! this is so much fun!!! (I am going to be in so much pain…..OMG I must be nuts having a date on a night I am going to be in so much pain….I am going to lean back and smile from my liver….I won’t grimace…I promise all sirens – cue Girl Guide vows here: I promise to be a fabulous leaned-back, smile-from-my-liver, listen-with my-third-ear siren-goddess)

  94.  #94thirtyseven on August 30, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    brenda – i don’t know if you remember but you responded to my first post here about the guy i was dating that was responding badly – negatively – to my feeling messages. i had hope they would help us connect, but they really just made him lash out at me and say really hurtful things. ALSO, he broke up w me by text message. classy. well, he came back around, called, texting, etc…. but none of his shitty behaviour had changed. i told him that i do want to feel missed, respected, and cherished by someone who professes to LOVE me. and that i DO NOT WANT to feel low priority, neglected, and unheard. i said that he was obviously not the one for me, and that i refused to continue to TEXT FIGHT over something that would never satisfy my needs or reach resolution. he comes back with, WELL I HAD HOPED WE COULD BE FRIENDS. i said i still felt unheard, and that i was really sorry to say it but i didnt think i wanted to be his friend. and only then, only once i stated that i was not tolerating his shit – as a lover or a friend – he apologized for the mean things he had said and told me i’m a good person that he wants in his & his daughters life…. WHAT!! if you could only read the things this guy would text to me. he once told me to “shut up” when we were fighting, and he even apologized for that. WAY. TOO. LATE. you don’t get to treat me like that and then still have me, mister. it felt GREAT to say NO to his friendship (i.e. pathetic controlling crumbs), and i have not replied once to any text i’ve gotten since. i’ve been out with 3 men since, but nothing that really felt panned out. i think i want to try targeting mr. right.

  95.  #95Lizzie on August 30, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    Jasmine! I am so thrilled for you!!! YOU DID IT!!! I am so totally proud of you!!! I hope you are feeling such wonderful satisfaction. Stop whatever you are doing right now and breathe in deeply all the way to your keagels. Pull your keagels up! all the way to your navel!! and feel how glorious your are!!! Now say the words: “I am a glorious siren gal and I feel totally wonderful at all that I accomplished today. I feel so good about myself and now I can reward myself by saying thank you ME! Thank you me for such a great day!”

    Oh I just feel so delighted!

  96.  #96Jasmine on August 30, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    Lizzie, ty! That’s sweet! What on earth are keagals? I can only do what I can do. I can’t do it all in one hour or even one day.

    So thank you me! Thank you me for doing all you me could do in one day! And it is enough! I refuse to let my not emo healthy landlady get the better of me.

    Thank you me and thank you lizzie! Haha!

  97.  #97Lizzie on August 30, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    Jasmine – you go girl!
    your keagels are the little muscle that holds your vagina and bladder in their place. If you squeeze as if to hold yourself from peeing, you have squeezed your keagels. Not only is it good for you to squeeze them, it makes you very aware of the inside of your body so now I can say – hug yourself from the inside out and thank you me for a great day! Squeeze now!

    big hugs to you!
    Keep the faith for tomorrow and let us know how you are.

  98.  #98Alexandra on August 30, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Hello to you all! I am Alex, and I am so happy to have found this blog! I’ve been reading some of the posts and I am so awed by what a supportive community this is!

    I have listened to a few of Rori’s programs and I have been putting them into practice in baby steps, like she says! It will feel really nice to join your wonderful support group!

    Well, I am in an exclusive relationship (3 years). I was having some issues. I thought this relationship coach lady was something else and could help no matter what the relationship! So my man and I are getting along much better now, just ironing out a few kinks! ;-P

    Well, I can’t voice this to my man, I’ll call him Dan, but what if I don’t feel in love with him? What if there is really no great issue but he just doesn’t have the depth I am seeking? I feel lonely inside because the part of me that is most me and most deep is not known or understood by him? Feeling messages have helped a lot, but nothing takes the place of deep intelligence and sensitivity. Do I ditch an otherwise healthy relationship?

  99.  #99Jasmine on August 30, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Lizzie, LOL! And I thought I knew that part of me inside and out! That’s funny! Squeeze! Thank you me!

  100.  #100Brenda on August 30, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    37, that is sad. Sorry you went thru that horrible treatment. I am glad you got out. I hope you will have a much better relationship in the future!

  101.  #101Jacqueline on August 30, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Oh, girls I missed you – and thanks for all return posts! My laptop AND my guy’s both CRASHED and burned last night….weird, huh? His may be able to be repaired, but mine…..gonna have to have a funeral and cry over it. It was a very good friend!

    So, got a refurbished desktop and posted a new front page article about our very own MARY!!!

    Please check it out, and I’ll be back to hearing all the stories – and guessing who’s posting under new names?! lol….like, tomorrow if I can!

    Hugs to all…and balloons….AND lollipops too~!


  102.  #102Jacqueline on August 30, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    ps…on keegles….some people can’t get the hang of it, Glamour magazine had an article about small weights you can use inside the “v”….totally helps with urinary stuff too….

    geez, I miss being in on the convos!



  103.  #103Erika Awakening on August 30, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    Hey everyone,

    Rori, thanks for a great post. What I most appreciate about this space is the opportunity to practice staying connected with BIG emotions and not shutting down. Really beautiful.

    I’m stopping by briefly after a full day of working and a full evening of HBR sessions … about to put my sleepy head on the pillow.

    Brenda #43, thank you for offering the HBR teleclass. Yes, all Sirens are welcome, even Sirens who may not care for me at all are welcome. And you can be silent on the call if you choose to be. So, just as Rori’s saying on this post, please feel free to try something new. In HBR, we are in a space of non-judgment, and I intend to ask ahead of time what issues you all would like to address during the call, and then I will lead all of us on a “feeling message” roller coaster where we can vent, rage, and then laugh … as old crappy memories get cleared out and we make space for the life of our dreams. Please email Brenda for details @, or if you would like to talk to me about it, you can try I’ll be super busy though through Sept. 12, so Brenda is better bet for quick response.

    Meanwhile, as I am quitting my day job, a whole feelings roller coaster is happening for me. After the initial elation, layers of fear started to come up (this is good from HBR perspective, unconscious beliefs becoming conscious for transformation), and then disbelief, and sadness (mourning a big part of my identity letting go) … all over the map … and if it weren’t for how strong the intuition is that it’s time to quit, I might be changing my mind …

    Was it a coincidence that just a week earlier I wrote: “I commit to quitting my job by the end of the year” ?

    I’m reminded of this quote:

    “”When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand or we will be taught to fly.” ~Patrick Overton


    I don’t want to play small anymore. I’ve taken Marianne Williamson’s famous quote very seriously.

    As for VG, he says he’s starting to look at homes in San Francisco to move to be with me … I feel pretty relaxed about it … open to whatever happens …

    I did write out a commitment statement:

    “I commit to being happily married by New Year’s.”

    Dream big, Sirens … the days of Cinderella locked in the kitchen are over … it’s glass slipper time.

    Hope to have all of you on the HBR call. I promise you a fun ride …

    This are feeling so crazy busy right now that I most likely won’t see all the posts on here for a while, so if it’s important, please email me directly.


  104.  #104Erika Awakening on August 30, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    Hey everyone,

    Rori, thanks for a great post. What I most appreciate about this space is the opportunity to practice staying connected with BIG emotions and not shutting down. Really beautiful.

    I’m stopping by briefly after a full day of working and a full evening of HBR sessions … about to put my sleepy head on the pillow.

    Brenda #43, thank you for offering the HBR teleclass. Yes, all Sirens are welcome, even Sirens who may not care for me at all are welcome. And you can be silent on the call if you choose to be. So, just as Rori’s saying on this post, please feel free to try something new. In HBR, we are in a space of non-judgment, and I intend to ask ahead of time what issues you all would like to address during the call, and then I will lead all of us on a “feeling message” roller coaster where we can vent, rage, and then laugh … as old crappy memories get cleared out and we make space for the life of our dreams. Please email Brenda for details, or if you would like to talk to me about it, you can try emailing me. I’ll be super busy though through Sept. 12, so Brenda is better bet for quick response.

    Meanwhile, as I am quitting my day job, a whole feelings roller coaster is happening for me. After the initial elation, layers of fear started to come up (this is good from HBR perspective, unconscious beliefs becoming conscious for transformation), and then disbelief, and sadness (mourning a big part of my identity letting go) … all over the map … and if it weren’t for how strong the intuition is that it’s time to quit, I might be changing my mind …

    Was it a coincidence that just a week earlier I wrote: “I commit to quitting my job by the end of the year” ?

    I’m reminded of this quote:

    “”When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand or we will be taught to fly.” ~Patrick Overton


    I don’t want to play small anymore. I’ve taken Marianne Williamson’s famous quote very seriously.

    As for VG, he says he’s starting to look at homes in San Francisco to move to be with me … I feel pretty relaxed about it … open to whatever happens …

    I did write out a commitment statement:

    “I commit to being happily married by New Year’s.”

    Dream big, Sirens … the days of Cinderella locked in the kitchen are over … it’s glass slipper time.

    Hope to have all of you on the HBR call. I promise you a fun ride …

    This are feeling so crazy busy right now that I most likely won’t see all the posts on here for a while, so if it’s important, please email me directly.


  105.  #105Daria on August 30, 2010 at 9:51 pm

    OMG – I just had earlier brought my attention to this guy, the friend of my ex that i flirted with, and felt “used” by sexually… and i felt bad…

    and i hadn’t heard from him since…

    and i haven’t really thought about it, but I was feelinng bad, and ALSO feeling compelled to call him — its been like 3 weeks since that nite and I haven’t heard anything

    so I did a bunch of EFT on feeling used, etc…

    and then I did some more EFT with my girl Apple Jacks on something else

    and I felt WAY great! I love! the way it felt to do EFT with someone else!

    and with that sparkly energy I asked my intuition should i call — I AM alone at the house and would love to amp up my social life —

    and it said yes,so i did and left a message
    — saying hello havent heard from you and if you want to call me

    then i caled someone else and already theres a voicemail ANd the phone ringing in my hands that its him…

    and hes like, dude i was tryna reach you but your phone keep being off… really???

    i was like WHAT? i thought you were tryna diss me…

    hes like no man i told u i was tryna get to know u and we are more than friends…

    im like wow

    so hes like whos home

    im like no noe

    hes like

    well do u want me to come thru??

    i like YES!! i feel thrilled


    I feel excited now yay!!!

  106.  #106Michelle on August 30, 2010 at 11:52 pm

    I found your website a few days ago from a link on the baggage reclaim blog where there was some discussion on circular dating.

    My eyes are sore from reading through pages and pages of your work and the responses. I don’t have any of your material, I’m a student and think it will be awhile before I can buy any of it, but trying to glean information from all of the wonderful posts.

    My own situation seems pretty absurd. I was married for 20 years to an emotionally unavailable man. (I’ve come to realise that would be because I am also EU). We parted in March and almost immediately I met someone that I fell for very hard, my heart is aching now, just writing this down. He said he wanted us to be together, talked about marriage etc. I felt it was too soon and not convenient with my children/study etc, but I was very happy to be in a relationship with him and see where it went.

    When I am with him, I feel like the only woman in the universe, but the relationship is mostly imaginary, I hardly ever see him, he cancels and changes dates at the last minute. I always go to him and fit in between his very tight schedule. he is on a dating site and chatting to 100’s of women.

    I would always be chasing him with texts/calls etc, but I am leaving the contact to him at the moment which means I’ve not heard from him in days.

    I never removed myself from the dating site, but not really used it since I met him. I’d like to know how to make the best of it. If someone messages with hi, would you like to chat, how do i respond?

    I’m trying to work out how I feel, but I have stuffed my feelings for so long it is very difficult to get in touch with them.

    i feel sad that he has not contacted me in so long.
    i feel disappointed that he did not call me when he said he would.
    i feel frustrated by my thoughts of intimacy with him, because i think about it, more than we ever do it.
    i feel hurt that his lack of contact shows a lack of interest in me.
    i feel embarrassed with myself that I would rather take his scraps than have nothing.

    I feel proud that I have not contacted him.
    I feel happy and empowered that I am looking fro a way out of this mess.

  107.  #107Linda on August 31, 2010 at 5:59 am


    I read your post. I am greatly encouraged. While I have learned alot here, I have felt a real inner struggle with the REAL me too. I am a plain spoken, tell it like it is kinda woman. Since trying to incorporate feeling messages and other thing I have learned here I have felt all tied up and stuck and grown quiet and incommunicative because I just felt like I was gonna mess up, do it wrong.

    Reading what you wrote frees me up.

    I am gonna follow my intution and speak freely. I feel empowered again. Gonna take care of myself and find my peace again.


  108.  #108Erika Awakening on August 31, 2010 at 7:40 am


    Debbie Ford sent this out with her newsletter today:

    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You were born to manifest the glory of God that is within you. It’s not just in some of us. It’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

  109.  #109Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 7:57 am


    That is a powerful quote! I love it! I am going to post pictures of things in my house that represent my dreams. I am going to think big. Another quote I like is this:

    Big minds talk about ideas. Little minds talk about people.

  110.  #110Lisa on August 31, 2010 at 8:28 am

    I am tired of feeling I have to be on guard. I am tired of feeling hurt, that we don’t want the same things. I feel like it would have been better to chalk up our experience to a one night stand. I feel guarded and afraid when he flirts with me because I am afraid I will give in and go back to a sexual relationship on his terms and that makes me feel used, stupid, hurt, ugly. It makes me feel less than because he uses those lines on me. I imagine him not using those lines on other women and I feel worse because I feel he thinks I am dumb. Then I imagine him using those lines on other women and I feel afraid, afraid…I am tired of feeling like there are not any men who want to be with me for more than sex. Even when I took back my dignity and said no to casual sex, why do men think that they can talk to me about my boobs or something else sexual? I don’t invite it. I am just being me, trying to talk and get to know someone. That makes me feel angry and hate sex. It makes me despise the men who talk about sex. I feel lonely. I feel the need to be vulnerable and sexual, but there is no one safe. I want to be heard. I feel pissed that he is so stubborn that he doesn’t see that I can be faithful while he travels everywhere. I am not easily seduced when I am with a man. I feel I have failed because I told him there was kinda someone else and last night I leaned forward and said hi to him on chat and we talked briefly. He was even too tired to flirt, but of course he mentioned his fantasy talk. It feels sucky when he talks about fantasy relationship stuff because his actions do not match his words. I feel I have failed the “test”, if it is, of his flirting while I told him I met someone because I chatted him last night. Luckily he did not get too sexual as last night I was in the mood to be seduced. Does that make him feel not safe? I don’t care what he thinks, I would not cheat if he asked me to be exclusive, I don’t care where he is on the road. I want to tell him about the guy I dated who was working on a river boat for 4 weeks home for 2 to show him I can be faithful. I feel sad he doesn’t like me enough to try for more than sex. I feel bad I let myself give in to his seduction in the first place because I did good in the beginning holding him off. Then when I realized he partied a lot, I thought of what I wanted for me, sex. So I took it. I was selfish myself. Does he realize I went along for my own selfish needs? I feel wasted away as I am a beautiful woman inside and out and my young body is not getting to experience sex regularly and lovingly. I feel angry at being an adult child of an alcoholic because this is why I feel attracted to men who are distant. I feel angry at the woman my age who have great husbands who have been with them for years. I feel less than because I don’t attract my guy that way. I feel less than because of my dysfunctional family. I feel less than because I am independent on the outside, pay my bills, live on my own, but feel like a coward on the inside because I cannot attract love with a man. Even the men who are dysfunctional don’t want me. I feel like they see the flawed me or maybe I try to be too smart, look good, wise and don’t share enough of my flaws to attract them. Then I feel confused because I thought I was supposed to show my great side to attract a man. So how do I be human and still be great and be flawed, yet great? That just confuses me even more and makes me feel hopeless. It makes me feel the need to not care anymore. It makes me feel the need to just take what I want and who cares if he puts distance there again, at least I will have sex. I am tired of this is what I feel. I feel like God is ignoring my desire to be held, loved, respected. I do my best to treat me well. I am in twelve step programs, yet I still feel undesirable. I feel like saying fuck it to men, you all are just needy and whiny crybabies who just want a woman to take care of you sexually, cook your meals, clean your house, take care of shit and be the strong one while you get to be the flawed moron. Fuck it.

  111.  #111Linda on August 31, 2010 at 9:06 am

    Erika… truely inspiring.

    Between Mercedes quote and yours here I literally feel lifted above muck that I have been swimming in lately. I feel energized and resolute today. I have some circumstances in my life with my kids, ex and extended family and co workers that I have felt pushed around by. In the interest of diplomacy and waiting on things to gel or smooth out…. I have grown quiet. I feel angry and kinda like the flight attendant that blew up… pulled the shoot and grabbed a couple of beers on the way down. I have taken all I can, stuffed things and I am just NOT gonna do it anymore. Diplomacy and silence has not served me well. It is like I have been trying to wear someone elses skin, shoes, clothes lately.

    No more… I am gonna be ME. I Dont feel superior but I have made myself small around others. Erika thanks for writing what you did. I am a glorious creature and not living “out loud” like I should.

    Woo Hoo. I feel bubbly inside today. I have missed this blog!


  112.  #112dorothea on August 31, 2010 at 9:11 am

    stillwantmore, where r u? how was your lunch?

  113.  #113Apple Jacks on August 31, 2010 at 9:14 am

    Hey Daria,

    it felt great to do EFT with you too! You made me feel really safe and it was fun and growth inducing at the same time! 🙂 Thank you, you’d make an awesome coach.

  114.  #114Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 9:20 am


    It’s good to have you back here! You are inspiring, too! I really love that song about living out loud!

  115.  #115Apple Jacks on August 31, 2010 at 10:00 am

    My mommy had an ear infection over the weekend. Blood started coming out of her ear friday night and we took her to emergency. A little bit costly (I took her to the more expensive hospital because the other one was too far and too crowded) but I am glad she is okay. I don’t like it when anything happens to her. 🙁 First time I talked about the event. Feels good to let it out. 🙂

  116.  #116Apple Jacks on August 31, 2010 at 10:12 am

    I am feeling really drained and blah today.

    I feel fearful and angry about current events and stuff that is happening in the news.

    I feel rageful at the construction of the Mosque that was burned in Tennessee. I feel sick that I used to feel guilty for being Muslim.

    I feel like history is repeating itself and helpless to stop it. First Synagogues were burned, then they were made to wear stars…and then history happened.

    I feel angry when people judge other people so vehemently without really knowing them first.

    I feel my fist clench and squeeze in white knuckle pain at the whole, “pick yourself up by the bootstrap” mentality that I see in some people.

    I feel like hugging my friend who has cancer. I don’t want her to die. She has a little boy with Autism, he needs his mommy.

    My heart goes out to my other friend who’s mom had a stroke last week and is in a home for recovery, and none of her 11 brothers and sisters are bothering to help emotionally or financially when they are totally capable.

    I feel like crying. I feel drained. I want to go live in a cave and re-connect with my Sufi principles.

  117.  #117Mercedes on August 31, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Linda: Thank you so much! It does feel really good to be yourself doesn’t it? Now, keep in mind, I don’t unleash all the time on him and I don’t recommend it either…lol but…yeah…it feels good to sometimes use feeling messages (they have been a wonderful asset to our relationship at times) and sometimes just leave them be…to sometimes lean back (this concepts is the BEST EVER) and yet to sometimes just take that lead. I don’t know…I’ve learned a LOT and I’ll never toss out what has worked for me, but…I hate it when I get so caught up trying to figure out what I’ve learned and being afraid to make a mistake that I forget about ME and how I am and what I already know.

    Anyway, your comment meant a lot.

    Much Love,

  118.  #118Apple Jacks on August 31, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Out of my fog and feeling better now. Now Rori…you sure you want me to unleash the real me?;) Because I gaurantee that everyone will just plain…LIKE ME TOO MUCH! 🙂 LOL!

    This is awesome. I feel excited about this and to be able to hear people like Mercedes and others feel free and easy so I can hear what they have to say. I feel excited that I’ll learn something, and I love learning from the wisdom of different people. 🙂

  119.  #119Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 11:45 am

    Apple Jacks,

    You go girl, release that inner brat! You are such a cutie pie!

  120.  #120Mercedes on August 31, 2010 at 11:52 am

    OMGosh! I missed some of the comments here…I had no idea I was getting such support! WOW does that feel good! I was totally being ME and…well…so much encouragement sent my way! COOL stuff!

    I replied to Linda, but when I went back to read all the comments, Brenda, Amber, Lizzie and now Apple Jacks! Thank you all so much! I think sometimes my style can bring out negative comments from a lot of people and that’s okay…because I’m good with triggers…but when my style can actually come through in a way that encourages and uplifts others (even when I admit to using very few feeling messages when I was being myself) well…that’s so awesome! 🙂

    You ladies totally made me smile!

    Much Love,

  121.  #121Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 11:56 am

    I feel so bored at work. Dorothea, do you want to switch jobs with me? I will legalize marriage in Tijuana for you. You can sit here and be bored. You can’t have Bill tho. 🙂

  122.  #122BarbinOz on August 31, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Mercedes #48, FABULOUS post thank you, this is something I have been struggling with doing. Well I haven’t even had a man to practise on but I am sooo not the type to say all this feeling stuff all day every day, I would feel like a Disney movie and I am very British and very honest and truthful, I am very much a thinking person, but I see how I can apply just SOME of the feeling messages when the time is right.

    Thank you Mercedes x

  123.  #123Apple Jacks on August 31, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Brenda – thanks!

    Mercedes – I’m liking your voice more and more and hope to hear more of it. 🙂

    Wow, I feel drained. Yet optimistic.

  124.  #124BarbinOz on August 31, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Can anybody point me in the right direction on here where the blog is about Circular Dating yourself? I have been talking to my girlfriend about the RR stuff, she is in an on/off relationship with her man, but she is too afraid to do the real CD’ing in case he runs off for the hills and never comes back……..

    Thank you in advance.

  125.  #125Daria on August 31, 2010 at 1:22 pm


    Oh baby come to me

    let me put my arms around you this was meant to be

    cuz i cant go on living without you


  126.  #126BarbinOz on August 31, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Erika #100

    That sounds like a Marianne Williamson quote to me. I do love Marianne and have a few DVD’s and books, she is a straight talking woman too and I love her honesty and the way she speaks from the heart.

  127.  #127Mercedes on August 31, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    Thanks ladies! I…ummm…take a little getting used to….LOL!

    But I do want to clarify…and I know I keep saying it, but I REALLY, REALLY don’t want to discourage anyone from following what Rori is teaching here. What she’s talking about is VERY good stuff and served to help bring J closer to me time and time again. Please don’t toss out everything you’ve learned because I made you feel free today. LOL

    If I never used feeling messages and if I always did the leaning forward thing…well…it wouldn’t work any better for me than it does for anyone else. And I’ve never really had a problem with overfunctioning, but if any of you DO have that problem, leaning back and using feeling messages and getting in touch with what being taken for granted REALLY feels like…well…that stuff is CRITICAL to your growth and change.

    I’m in a committed relationship with a man who knows me very well and I stopped making a lot of the mistakes that came natural to me…I don’t want to go back to that time…and Rori helped me see what some of those mistakes were.

    What I noticed over the past few months though was that I also stopped doing the things that work well for me naturally because I was spending so much time trying to figure out if it was right or wrong or if it would work or not or if it was a mistake, etc.

    What I’m saying here is that I still believe in and use many, many of Rori’s concepts. Circular Dating for example…I could not have brought J close to me without it…and I still CD myself when he pulls away. That kind of stuff…VERY important to our relationship (which is why I still hang at this blog…I still learn all the time).

    The problem is…I forgot to also be authentic and because I’m not trying to change the way I am and stop making relationship mistakes and trying to find a man, I’m in a different place than I used to be. I have a man who fell in love with me and he’s still right here, in my arms every single day. I just need to remember to continue to be the real me and that real me…that authentic me…has always been one to go to him and talk about any problem or concern I have. That real me never before let stuff build up while she tried to figure out what to do. That real me was pretty damn spontaneous with him.

    But…I still use all the tools I’ve learned that have served to help my relationship become so wonderful…I use them all the time and am forever grateful for them.

    Much Love,

  128.  #128dorothea on August 31, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    Brenda, your job sounds like my dream job.

  129.  #129StillIwantmore on August 31, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    Dorothea…Hey my lunch date went well…we had a good time and he texted me a couple hours later while i was at work and said i had a nice lunch…and then later he texted me goodnite and hope work was good. I dont know things still feel different…i still feel like theres a lot of distance but I guess thats what baby steps are all about. Im too impatient just wanting things right back like they were before a few months ago. He texted me this morning too to say good morning and ask how my class was and we were joking around texting about taking another cruise together. So i guess those are good signs…It just sucks bc he used to pretty much live with me and we spent almost everyday together and now he rarely asks me to spend time with him. Maybe after hes not so stressed about court things will get better or maybe not…Im really trying to not be so attached to the outcome of things. I have a lot going on to with work and school and kids and friends sometimes so at least I stay busy.

  130.  #130Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    Lisa, Welcome – and 12 step is your ticket. How long have you been going to programs (every single day I hope)? You are focused on whatever’s OUTSIDE you…now’s the time for a spiritual journey (sounds like a forecast, sorry – but that’s what I’m getting from your letter) – Can you find a meditation center near you? A non-denominational, new-age church? A Course in Miracles class? Someone to work with you with hynotherapy and EFT and HBR (Erika’s technique)? Plain old therapy? All of this can help you so tremendously to get off of trying to find happiness out THERE!!! I know it sounds wrong – but that’s the way to go….that and Circular Dating…Love, Rori

  131.  #131Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Michelle, sweetie (okay if I call you that?) You’re answering your own questions – and all this is just your subconscious running you, a lack of experience with men, and old habits. You can stop this downhill slide. Just tell yourself this isn’t what you want (it isn’t) Then USE the dating site – learn what you can about Circular Dating – and DO IT!! No matter how you feel. We’ll all help you here. Don’t run yourself down – I forbid you. Love, Rori

  132.  #132Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    I okayed the HBR class with Erika (thank you, Brenda, for asking) – and if I can, I’ll be there, too. As Erika says, whether or not you like her – you can react to her from wherever you are – it’s her job to take what comes at and to her…and I really, really love this technique – I use the EFT variety all the time and teach it – and I’m curious to see what Erika’s doing…EVERYONE has SOMETHING to offer – I make it my global attitude to be open to messages wherever they come from…Love, Rori

  133.  #133Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    Alexandra – Welcome, and this is an incredible question!!! Only you can answer it…do you have friends who “get you” on this deep level? Because – in many ways – that’s the job of friends and co-workers and business partners and other artists – and not the venue of your man. Your man’s job is something else – to support your feelings whatever they are! In other words – have you ever said to him what you said to us? “Sometimes I don’t feel got – like we’re not on the same wavelength?” And see what he does? I can tell you that only another artist understands the process of an artist in that artist way – and yet, a man like that is usually a crummy life partner. Love, Rori

  134.  #134Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    Diana, don’t know your story – but how do you share with him what you just told us? That’s the key… sometimes you can unearth the gold in a man just by opening up yourself in a softer way. Love, Rori

  135.  #135Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    Barb – sounds like you want to leave him and you’re asking us for encouragement – so – I encourage you!!! He sounds like he’s good for nothing right now – no sex, no…anything. Talk with him and ask him what he wants to do…obviously – he has physical problems and feels so bad about himself he’s going to porn and imaginary women where he doesn’t have to “perform.” A little therapy might fix this (and good medical care) – but if he won’t do any of that – you’re stuck… Make a decision. Love, Rori

  136.  #136Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    Ailyn, I’m okay with this guy. You need to talk with him about what exclusivity means, and let him know that it’s making you feel a little weird and insecure – OR – just start flirting and Circular Dating (not real dates until you talk with him) and see how you feel? It’s horrible to feel stuck. Love, Rori

  137.  #137Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    ReneeJ – Nope – complements are lovely – just lean WAY back when you do it! Love, Rori

  138.  #138Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Kiki – honey – you’re attracting these bozos like flies –somewhere in you, you think it’s all you deserve. Just ignore then, do what you’re doing, and keep dating…Keep your eye out for men who don’t LOOK like the guys you normally attract – go for the nerdier, shorter, less hair, shier ones – the awkward ones who have a hard time approaching you, and see how that goes. Smile – and experiment. Love, Rori

  139.  #139Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    Thinkin about workin at teh chevys down the street… i talked to the manager too

    i am drunk an hi right now.. of midori margaritas


    i feel icky and i feel good

  140.  #140Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    my “boyfriend” ex is kickin it with my girl and i guess makin some new music… hmm

    it feels weird

    life is like “saved by the bell”

  141.  #141Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    i kicked it with HIS Fine friend last nite thats right. he all wanted me but i didnt give him none . haha. haha. i am the winner

  142.  #142Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    i am just in love with Daria and thats all there is to it. I am self centered. I make boys act self centered.

    A self centered boy can take care of him so take care of me. Take care of me self centered boy you got a lotta power. MMM self centered center on me I am your Goddess center. You know you want this.

  143.  #143Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    Makin magic in my cauldron. I said hi to my neighbor, do you want o go to happy hour at chevys?

    i got a ride back from the ddealer

    i am so in love with: ME

    there is nothing for me to do but behere with myself

    am drunk am hi

    am feelin good

    am living august day to the max

    am doing the most i can

    like tah boy

    whos giving me his “time”

    boy what you ythought i was giving you. ive given to my borderline.

    its time for you to give give give.

    i think the boy will fall in love.

    i feel scared.


  144.  #144Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    i feel guilty to have him fall in love with me. all these men falling in love with me and i am in love with … ME. if they are really in love with me they will love me for it.


    i feel so undeserving?

    not cair about the other pair?

    i feel confused


    i am about me

    eff u boy

    eff u

    eff u

    eff u

    eff u

    i feel mad at the boy!!!

    i feel mad!!

    i feel SOOO ANGRY!!1

    i feel angry!!

    and i dont want to feel this way

    whaat do we do boy?

    what do we do?


    i feel mad!!!


    I feel SOO MAD





    i feel angry desperate loud sad

    i love my feelings.

  145.  #145Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    i feel so angry at boys. i hate all of them righ tnow. they can all go burn in flames. omg I hate them right now i dont think ive ever felt like this. my dad too. they suck at being creatinons. i hate them. odnt like tem one bit. omg… i hate them girls i hate them.

  146.  #146Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    i am so mad! i feel angry with a pretty membrane of sparkly bubble that i dont want to pop. i feel ANGRYYYYYY INSIDE M Y bubble


    i feel angry

    EFF U BO?Y

    i anna EFF me up some boy right now

    karate KCIK


    righ tin the GUT



    I? ?HATE? YOU BOYU!!!!

    I HATE YOU!!!1

    I HATE YOU!!!111




    this is fun


    i feel calmfer

    a lil bit

    i want this stupid ass boy to come thru
    but he hasnt





    whats a goddess toodooo
    another millenia on earth



    play with the wind and the waters


    stupid boyyy



    I dint want to call the boy stupid

    thank u



    Freya power

    what goddess is havng fun right now?

  147.  #147Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    i dont want to give up control,, i like my damn control

    or is that power

    i like my power, am i always the powerful, one? that feels different then control, theyre always bowing down to me,

    i always have to humble that there is nothing greater than myself




    i must love myself , my curse it feels hard


  148.  #148Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    im a drunk girl who just had two midori margaritas! but now they’re wearing off… yay


    im living in the silver forest right now… what color forest are you living in?

  149.  #149Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    im making these boys open their hearts and most likely… mathematically… im gonna hurt them!


    hurt is ok!

    its ok for them to do this its good for them!


    this is good training for their life!

    i feel guilty

    i can do it so can they

    i dont want this to be an issue

    i want to be worthy and heal a man in my presence yes i do

    taming ugh i want to feel wild and healthy thank u


    i LIKE wild and healthy
    jesus that sounds great

  150.  #150Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    i LOVE the image of wild and healthy… this is such a great resource state to use with eft

    im gonna do it right now

    Even tho I feel … a lil like everyday… i choose to feel wild and healthy

    i choose to feel and be wild and healthy


    Wild + healthy = happy

    what is wild anyway?

    what is healthy?


  151.  #151Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    i feel wild and healthy.

    i turned in my chevys application. wow. while i was drizunk hehe.

    maybe ill have a job at chevys nest week

  152.  #152Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    fu***ck yall doing???

  153.  #153Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    this is my squeeky voice commenting: my bi*atch is all cupkaked with my dude, who is freakin usin her for her house, and i am trying to get with his partna, who is alllike closed off emotiaonlly a nd all this is bullshit, i dont evne really want to get with his patna right now


    i fele bored!!!

    i feel frustrated with men!!!

    i dont evne feel like havin sex right now

    EEff yall

    i juat want to be supported with words and support righ t nwo

    eFFF UUU


  154.  #154Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    this freakin bi*atch is all cupkaked with my ddue, and im like ok its cool fu*ck it. f9uck it.. feel me?

    i dont gie a f8ck wat the fc0k hes cupkaked with u for.. cuz i said swithc and now i am with his freind that you say is hella fine, but you all basically livin with my dude

    an i feel kina mad… and i feel kinda apathetic like ugh who gives a f9ck just get hi m way from me



    i feel like compaling about life right now

    tahts sounds like the thignt od do
    i feel angry ugh


    i feel UGH


    this feeling ugh
    and i dont like feeling itt

    so there

  155.  #155Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    this bia*tch gavve me 2 midori sours for 3 dollars.. .ugh i said i forgot my food, get it for me …

    im commanding like dude is to me



    uck blah

    i love my life even with yuk blah

    i love you youck blah


  156.  #156Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    she says i have hella dudes, do i really?

    well compared to her maybe, she cant hold her liqor


    i got more game then the empire state


    i so thought this guy was dissin me but now hes falln for me

    but what i want is this other guy to come over

    my thoughs are SOO repetitive… i feel bored with that! i dont wnat that!

    icky icky laugh lau

    i got my toes painted yellow. it does look liek a 5 year old. and i do have a tummy, and my butts not that big, and i have hair… pubic hair… and i even have a lil bit of a mustache, and my hair on my legs is prickly and my titties are a lil saggy and my face is droopy

    and i am SO fine

    je*sus chri*st I am finer than a moth8aFuc#ka.

    and im gonna write a novel like this with 8*fletters… hehe

    men want me SOOO bad.

    this is ridiculous.

  157.  #157Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    i am finer than the princesses in fairytales. please someone write about me. and my exploits.

    in teh world of men

    Cinder wearella

  158.  #158Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    one day cinderwearella was walkiung home. she saw a man and waved. then she saw another man. ill take you home he said. and he did.

    and then cidnerwerella felt sad. she doesn’t want to be by herself. this feels sad

    why don’t i want to be by myself ? wonders cinderwerella

  159.  #159Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    Kiki – I can so feel what you are saying. Still, for me it turns out its about me, and what I can expect.

    When a guy seems to expect one thing, I noticed that standing up for myself, while still respecting him and letting him approach me after, changed his behavior… its like he actually respects me now and wants more… only BECAUSE i stood up for myself… thats what he was waiting for to trigger him liking me more…

    im having fun with it, and practicing… all the tools here are helping me…

    remember to use I DONT WANT…. and not froma blaming place, but just like you were talking to God or a girlfriend…

  160.  #160Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    Lizzie –

    “sweetie, please excuse me for a moment while I check in with my computer generated sirens to find out what is the most appropriate response….””


    and arent you happy you have so many sisters all in your business, all making sure you are about you, and getting our lovely sister off and married to a GOOD man! haha!! that man is gonna get to us…

    how about…. well i feel like eating sushi, i know this one place that would feel nice…



    i don’t feel like picking. im down to go with you and see whats good downtown


    oh really? mm… ok.. i don’t really know much about restaurants, my dear… im looking for you to impress me…

  161.  #161Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    i meant that man is gonna have to get THRU us

    bruahahaha in the best way!

    Siren power!!

  162.  #162Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    i am the Drunk Siren Bob and I sit on a knob

    and I sing siren songs all day!!

  163.  #163Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    Love me love me love me love machine!!

    Somebody LOVE MEEE!!!

    I love you baby


  164.  #164Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    i am judging myself as annoying.

    i love me and i remember being called that and it feeling awful, and i love me, and i feel good. and i vote for em

    i feel confused and tightented

  165.  #165Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:45 pm

  166.  #166Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    He didn’t come to see me… this feels bad!

    But if i forgot about him it wouldnt


    i feel bored

    i do such a BAD job of entertaining myself

    i am AWFUL

    i love myself

    i love my blaming self

  167.  #167Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    i just wanna cuddle and be loved now

    im sick of being by msyelf

    grr humbug

  168.  #168Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    all i have is weed all i have is weed



    thats not gonna hold up for long

    i am about to feel
    HELLA bore
    and HELL A alone


    this is gonna suck

    i feel icky about it



    i hate feelin it

    and i alwasy feel it

    its just a habit

    i feel ICKY!!!!

    ona daily out of habit


  169.  #169Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    help. no one will communicate with me now. what do i do? what do i do?

    i am all alone feeling sooo disappointed… ugh… this feeling again ugh

    i Dont like feeling this way

    i love all my feelings

    i feel frustrated


    how dare you humans not communicate with me!!!!!!

    how dare you not satisfy my needs!!!

    am pyscho!!! king of the psychos!!


    i feel sick of myself

    please o please

    ok… htis is some pattern and i lvoe myself NOW

    thank u

    oh good

    that worked

  170.  #170Daria on August 31, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    i feel humiliated .. i feel gross.. .ifeel ashamed… i feel so ashamed of my neediness… i NEED attention… need it right now… its all im thinkgnib about… anything im doing is jut to avoid this horible not letting up NEED for attention UGH.

    i love me

    this is gross tho

    but i love me


    i love my ugh


    i really love my ugh

    i coose to let it be good, and easy

    thank u


    i love your ugh daria
    i love you ugh


    i love my ugh

  171.  #171Daria on August 31, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    maybe im just hungry still

    or horny

    that feels embarassing

    like im not in control of me


    i feel a lot of ugh and i love me anyway



    EFT works some

    gonna do some more

  172.  #172Jacqueline on August 31, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    @ BarbinOz – I’m confused how you live with him but saw him on webcam? BUT however, whatever it sounds awful. I hope you can get OUT asap!!!

    Hi, Daria….Listening……to ya!!

    @ Lizzie – I emailed you back on bonfire – Sirens, you’re gonna LOVE it!!

    @ AJ – feelin any better??? and where oh where are pajama party girls?


  173.  #173Jacqueline on August 31, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    PS EVERY time I get on this thread the squeeky…spelling just drives me crazy. ha, point made?? squeaking…..


  174.  #174Jacqueline on August 31, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    pps…..Barb in Oz, you were talking about Athol…here or on my blog? I missed it?


  175.  #175Ragnell on August 31, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    I have been dating a guy I like a lot since January, except I don’t know if they really are dates or we’re just hanging out.

    Last weekend I went out with someone else.

    It felt weird. He was constantly complimenting me and trying to touch me. That made me feel like he was just desperate for a woman, any woman, and not specifically me, because he was not taking his time to get to know me. He didn’t make an effort to look or smell nice and still expected me to fall for him just because he was saying “nice words” to me. But his words felt superficial. They felt generic, like he would say that to any woman, despite his claims that he is interested only in me. He can’t be interested in me if he doesn’t even know me well, can he?

    That made me appreciate my first guy, which I originally thought was cold and emotionless, a bit more. I like him because he respects me more, and he is taking his time. Even though he has never kissed me, he is making me want to kiss him, and that feels good. He claims we are “just friends” and even if that is all there is, I like it, because he is a real friend. I can trust him with the serious stuff.

    And I like that he dresses as nicely as he can and he always smells freshly showered when he’s with me. I am never embarassed to be seen next to him.

    Also, the last time we were together, I told him I was tired of feeling invisible next to him. I said that I had no trouble with him thinking about stuff like work and projects, and that I respected his decision of not sharing some of those thoughts with me. But I explained that sometimes he seemed to be ignoring me and that made me feel unimportant and invisible and tiny. I told him that it was not a nice feeling. And that it’s probably not his fault that I felt this way, but that I just had to let him know that the reason I am constantly asking what he is thinking and if there is anything wrong is that his silence makes me feel guilty and not good enough.

    I cried and he hugged me. For the first time, I could feel him hugging me back. He played with my hair.

    And I enjoyed it.


  176.  #176Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    Whoa – Ragnell – Brava to YOU! And — what if you kept seeing other guys – and talked to THEM as straightforwardly as you did to the man you like? In other words…”I’m feeling a bit weird…I hear your complements, and they sound good, and I don’t want to offend you…but I feel like backing away from you –would you like to know why?” If he says yes…then..well, I got dressed up to meet you, and did my hair and nails and took a shower and wore deodorant and put on perfume, and I know you’re a guy – but it doesn’t feel like you and I are on the same page about that – I like a guy to make an effort to look nice and smell nice, and if that basic sort of thing isn’t there, it makes me back away…what do you think? I also don’t feel heard – like I’m being listened to at all. Maybe it’s just the awkwardness of dating…but…” Now THAT would be PRACTICE! Love, Rori

  177.  #177Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 8:55 pm


    Wow, THAT would take guts! I am going to try being out of my comfort zone next time I am on a loser date again (which seems to be par for the course).

  178.  #178Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 8:58 pm


    You said, “It felt weird. He was constantly complimenting me and trying to touch me. That made me feel like he was just desperate for a woman, any woman, and not specifically me, because he was not taking his time to get to know me. He didn’t make an effort to look or smell nice and still expected me to fall for him just because he was saying “nice words” to me. But his words felt superficial. They felt generic, like he would say that to any woman, despite his claims that he is interested only in me. He can’t be interested in me if he doesn’t even know me well, can he?”

    I totally relate when I think about a lot of past dates, most recently, Balto. He wants to hold my hand, kiss me, put his arm around me, hug…and um, what was his name again? Oh yes. And why? Because he likes ME? Because he finds me to be a cut above the other women? No, because he’s needy. Because he wants a woman by his side.

    No thanks.

  179.  #179Alexandra on August 31, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Thank you, Rori! You asked me have you ever said to him what you said to us? “Sometimes I don’t feel got – like we’re not on the same wavelength?” And see what he does?

    Yes, I have. And what’s frustrating is that he typically says “what are you talking about? Of course I get you! I know you better than you know yourself! I listen to everything you say!”

    Yet he interrupts me too much, and he puts his thoughts and feelings into what I’m saying so he’s not hearing what I’M saying. I guess I’ve realized just how important it is to be truly heard. Sometimes he does, and he loves me to pieces, but when he answers like that I feel more isolated than ever. He means well, but he doesn’t get it.

  180.  #180Erika Awakening on August 31, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    Tonight I was coaching a guy, and something came up that applies equally to women (men and women are way more alike than different) … I said:

    “So your issue is that when you really like a girl, you chase her, and she runs away, and this is how you break that pattern …

    “The next time a girl is chasing YOU and you feel the urge to run away, you STOP, turn toward her, notice your fears, become present, and communicate.”

    Until you stop the pattern in yourself doing it to others, it will likely keep happening to you …


  181.  #181Jacqueline on August 31, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    Hi, Brenda ….
    and Alex I’m totally mirroring your post on the other page….wow, this is weird!! I’m Jacqueline, glad you’re here, and you WILL find lots of love, laughter and help here. Read all old topics – in the pink box on the side – I started with self esteem and power….it’ll make a total difference.

    Well meaning guys are ANNOYING!!!! shout out!

    Nite all….

  182.  #182Alexandra on August 31, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    I don’t mean for this to sound snobby, but I think I am more intelligent and sensitive than him. And I really don’t want to put him down, because he is wonderful. But as a simple analogy, he’s like a dog that you love, who is affectionate and unconditionally loving, but you just can’t have a deep conversation with him at the level where you live. Anyone have any feedback? Is that reason to ditch him? or do I just pat my puppy dog on the head. Well, that sounds terrible. I don’t mean it disrespectfully. I love him dearly. I just don’t know if I’m in love with him.

  183.  #183Alexandra on August 31, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    ty Jacqueline! I am really enjoying it here!

  184.  #184Jacqueline on August 31, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    you’ve gotta check my post on the new picking men I can easily outshine!……we have the SAME boyfriend…well almost. Mine does stuff I totally cannot do – like built an amazing sunroom with all windows, so there’s that.

    Rori says moving up from someone destructive and damanging to someone who is just “nice” is good….and a no drama life is something I’m totally trying to see if I can love!

    you might want to try toxic men before you decide just what you think – it could be way worse??!

  185.  #185Jacqueline on August 31, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    ‘kay, I’m off for now…g’nite all….


  186.  #186Apple Jacks on August 31, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Oh hey Jacqueline,

    guess I missed you but the next time you read this post…I keep trying to email you on your blog and it does not go! I wanted to talk to you about the sufism subject? Anyways, can you email me at I would love to hear from you. And thank you for asking me how I’m doing. Goin up and down as we speak. 🙂

  187.  #187Apple Jacks on August 31, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    UGH I just typed this but it didn’t go! Jacqueline, I tried emailing you through your blog but it is not going for some reason. Could you email me at Wanted to touch base with you on the Sufism topic. And thank you so much for asking me how I’m feeling. Going up and down as we speak but it feels so wonderful to be asked. 🙂

  188.  #188Apple Jacks on August 31, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    Uh weird, my post is still not showing up…I’ll just trust they both went through. Three’s a charm from Apple Jacks I guess.

  189.  #189Alexandra on August 31, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    Well Jacqueline,

    he is not toxic. I like your thought though that nice is good and maybe I am feeling the boredom of no drama and maybe I should sit with that and see if it feels good in the long term. I don’t need to decide today or even this year. That feels good.

    I have a man who is good to me and who loves me. That is happy. I am thankful.

  190.  #190Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 9:51 pm


    Welcome! Right on, you don’t have to make a final decision now. I find sometimes time makes everything clear!

  191.  #191Lucy on August 31, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    I wonder what WH’s message is…? I forgot about looking for a msg with him. Also, it feels weird that rori wrote that artistic men are usually crummy partners. WH is an artist (singer/songwriter) but so is my son and my son is a wonderful partner to his gf and will be a great husband to her too. so I wonder about that belief about artists being crummy partners……

  192.  #192Ragnell on August 31, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    Thanks, Rori!
    I didn’t think about it at the time when I was with the guy I don’t like. He was asking a lot of questions as to why I did this or that, as if I had to justify myself for not liking him. It felt like he was interrogating me, and it seemed as if he wanted one correct answer and I didn’t have it, so I felt judged. I actually told him I felt he was judging me too fast (’cause he said he liked me and he was standing too close to me that it made me unconfortable). He said I shouldn’t care about what people think of me and that I should just be myself and stop thinking I wasn’t good enough. Ha! As if that was the problem. The problem is that I am too good for him.

    I was being polite, but maybe I should have been more honest. I did tell him I was not that interested in him. It didn’t occur to me that I could have said something about how his appearance told me he didn’t care that much. I’ll keep that in mind if it happens again.

    On the other hand, I do think it was good practice anyway. It gave me a clearer view of what I dislike in a date and what I do like. So by knowing what I like I can be more confident in asking for it.

  193.  #193Laughing goddess on August 31, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    List of feelings. I’m trying to expand my feeling vocabulary!

    There are two parts to this list: feelings we may have when our needs are being met and feelings we may have when our needs are not being met.

    We also have a list of needs.

    Feelings when your needs are satisfied

    open hearted









    clear headed


    Feelings when your needs are not satisfied







    burnt out
    worn out


    heavy hearted

    stressed out



    The contents of this page can be downloaded and copied by anyone so long as they credit CNVC as follows:

    (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
    Website: Email:
    Phone: +1.505.244.4041

  194.  #194Laughing goddess on August 31, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    There are two parts to this list: feelings we may have when our needs are being met and feelings we may have when our needs are not being met.

    We also have a list of needs.

    Feelings when your needs are satisfied

    open hearted









    clear headed


    Feelings when your needs are not satisfied







    burnt out
    worn out


    heavy hearted

    stressed out



    The contents of this page can be downloaded and copied by anyone so long as they credit CNVC as follows:

    (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
    Website: Email:
    Phone: +1.505.244.4041

  195.  #195Marie on September 1, 2010 at 12:07 am


    Thank you for your reply. Ugh, I am sure I knew that, just hate hearing it. I have been going for 21 years. I have lived in a new place for almost 3 years and have yet to connect with someone to ask to sponsor me. I am moving that way though and hope I find someone soon. I go about 3 times a week but lately the past couple weeks maybe 1 a week if lucky. I have thought about therapy, as well. I hate this as I know better. I still am thinking about the guy as he is online now and I am doing my best not to chat him, want him to chat me and hope I do ok if he does not. I hate being this way.

  196.  #196Miss Brat on September 1, 2010 at 12:23 am

    Morning (uk)
    I am feeling resentful
    Ex fiancé has moved back in. Complete turnaround as the day before he said he wanted to stay single.
    Been back over a week now.
    He seems distant – he is very stressed about work. He said he is 100% back with us although we no longer engaged. He not as affectionate as he was.

  197.  #197Miss Brat on September 1, 2010 at 12:40 am

    (Sorry have to submit in stages as iPhone won’t scroll down)
    He told me last night to stop pushing otherwise I will push him away again. He talks  constantly (moans about work) his stuff not really interested in what I have to say – often get caught up and make suggestions about what to do about his work because not sure what else to say. How can you sit there listening to some one and then not comment on what they have said. 
    I dislocated my knee on Sunday when we meant to go out(he seems angry over that) he took me to the hospital and left me there. He did not want to sit there wasting time when he could have been catching up with work. He not been very caring as in giving me cuddles. I am in a lot of pain and could really do with some sympathy (he said that not him) 
    I am trying to be open hearted and not over-functioning bit finding it difficult. He said in bed last night that I was preoccupied. I want the man back that I had before. He said he stressed and depressed- which makes sense as he feels closed. I asked him to let me back in to his heart ( he said it takes time). I want him back loving me. Won’t tell me he loves me at the moment because he not feeling it. Then why the FUCK (sorry) has he moved back in. 
    I feel hurt. I feel frustrated. I feel angry. I want to pull him back in but feeling messages make him me closed down. Can I spend the rest of my life with this cold hearted man. Where has the loving affectionate one gone 

  198.  #198Lisa on September 1, 2010 at 1:27 am

    I accidently replied as Marie above. I feel pissed that is is me looking outside myself. I feel pissed that I have to do more work. I feel pissed that I cannot just have a good time with the guy. I feel glad there is a solution, but not thrilled about giving up the guy.

  199.  #199Michelle on September 1, 2010 at 4:28 am

    So I did a bad thing, I text No1, I wrote down all the things I was feeling and wanted to say and then i text him, “I miss hearing from you honey”

    He text me back with, “you can call me anytime, I’m at the docs now x”.

    Now I don’t know how to respond, i suppose the thing would be to write down how I feel now, I’m pissed that he offered me to call him, and when he said anytime, obviously anytime apart from now, when he;s at the docs, or later when he’s at work or whatever.

    I think I’m not going to respond at all, yet at any rate.

    I have 3 dates with different guys over the next two days and feeling pretty anxious about those too

  200.  #200BarbinOz on September 1, 2010 at 6:31 am

    Jacqueling #172 it isnt me and the webcam I think it is an American Barb

    #173 no it wasnt the interview on your blog, it was when I went to his webpage and he talks about how he and Jennifer were each others first sexual partner and how they never met in real life until 2 weeks before they got married, and I just thought , you are SOO young and soooo inexperienced about real life and love and heartbreak, what the hell do you know about reality young man!!!

  201.  #201Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 7:58 am

    I feel like a deep well today. I feel an endless supply of cool, life-giving water. I feel powerful and huge inside, like anything is possible. I want my view of my life and that of all those around me to get bigger, bigger, bigger until we are soaring without Jacqueline’s colorful balloons! Let’s soar because we have such life and beauty in us that we rise above all the issues and hardships of life!

  202.  #202tinque on September 1, 2010 at 8:04 am

    “artistic men are usually crummy partners”

    I don’t know that I agree with this either. I’m with you Lucy. This sounds like stereotype to me, and maybe it’s true in many cases, but I have found it to not be true in many cases too.
    Artistic types do not necessarily equate with feminine energy. Just as business women do not necessarily equate with masculine energy. I believe men can switch their hats too.

  203.  #203Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 8:35 am

    Tinque and Lucy,

    I can see it both ways. I don’t agree with the stereotype, but I knew a man who was a dreamer and a romantic. Actually, my Dad was like that too, come to think of it. And he just wanted to dream, create, and play (his adult playing took the form of biking, hiking, art, etc). Not real responsible, not a real great provider.

    But, being a romantic myself, I like it when a man is all about the romance. I am not so hung up on money that it is a huge issue.

    When I was with Ryan and he delved more deeply into my heart than any human being ever did, I realized just HOW MUCH I value that!!!!! It felt delicious! Like he really cared and really wanted to know me! I want a man to get me on that level!

    I could probably be happy with a loving, kind, providing man. But I don’t know, it might feel like settling for 2nd best.

    Matter of fact, the way I feel today, I am thinking aim higher than Bill, higher than Ryan! Aim for the best of the best! And in that I royally disagree with Evan.

    I want a man who is going to challenge and lead me.

  204.  #204Rori Raye on September 1, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Miss Brat – Welcome — and I’m putting up a post based on your letter…so sorry you’re in this difficult time. The only way to do this is to STOP WANTING stuff from him that he’s not giving. I mean completely take care of yourself, get happy in your life, smile a lot, sing to yourself, stop wanting him to do anything for you – be nice, cuddle, kiss – ANYTHING. Be warm when he shows up, melt if he touches you – otherwise, be happy no matter what he does. If he complains – listen attentively, nod your head, go “bummer,” “ooohh,” “ick..” – genuinely feel his pain, grunt out sound to stay present and let him know you’re hearing, and then, when he’s done..”so sorry…how awful,” and go back to your happy business. This is the only way. See what happens in a week of this –this means NO ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT until the energy has shifted (or not) – and then you can ask him to leave if it’s just not going to get beter. That will take a speech…we’ll work on that next…Rori

  205.  #205Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 9:38 am

    @ LG – wow!!! love the list – sometimes the feeling thing seems so limited to 4 or 5 emotions!!!

    And @ Barb in Oz, yeah, the whole thing with Athol is somehow off to me, but he’s interesting. I do like his “BETA” male stuff….and my bestfriend said, you know I hate to admit it but I do wan’t someone stronger…sigh…. so he touches a LOT of nerves, huh?

    I am SO glad I have lived the life I have!!! in that respect – marriage and sex, lol!!!

    Sorry I missed the wrong Barb thing – but that was kind of awful, huh?

    gonna check back in soon…


  206.  #206Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 9:39 am

    AJ- I emailed you – my email is:…..hope today is brighter!!

  207.  #207Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 9:40 am

    Rori – you’re brilliant!! Love what you said to Ms. Brat….you just blow me away!!! Thank you!


  208.  #208Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 9:42 am

    Rose White/Brenda – you ARE soaring….it’s never been the balloons…smile….like click your heels 3x and you’re home….I just couldn’t tell you til you figured it out!
    Glenda the Good Witch/J

  209.  #209Linda on September 1, 2010 at 9:59 am

    Rori.. you are the bomb!

    What you wrote to Miss Brat is perfect and just what I needed to read. Could not have been better timing too.

    I suck at my speeches. My feelings and words get all tangled up inside my head and I give up. Half the time I cant even think them straight let alone deliver them.

    I have been living too “small” lately and struggeling with incorporating my direct, plain spoken “boy energy nature” into feeling messages. The two just dont seem to cooperate. conjeal. Anyway, I wil find the center eventually.

    I could have used what you wrote in #204 when I was married. Think I would have had alot less stress and the years non attention and affection would not have made me so angry perhaps. I dont know though 29 in a desert is a long time.

    I really need help with speeches.


  210.  #210Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:04 am

    Distant! I like distant!

    I feel distant from you… ahhh… i named a new emotion haha lalalala

  211.  #211Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:04 am

    Did you ever hear of the word, “spoonerisms”? If not, a spoonerism is when you switch around the first consonants of two words.

    When you tease a cat, it’s mitt or hiss!
    When you tease a cat, it’s hit or miss!

    Well today that’s how I feel with Matt, one of my coworkers. He plainly is packing anger and insecurity. He is argumentative at every turn. I’m not even a scientist, and he is, yet he seemed to feel threatened when I told him about the seminar I attended last night by my chiropractor, who talked about toxins and heavy metals in the body and in the environment.

    I usually play it off with humor and do my best to not take it personally. I feel like throwing up my hands in mock surrender and saying, “Chill out! I’m not the enemy!”

    A lot of people are like that. I am learning and exploring ways to navigate that that are healthy for both me and the other person.

  212.  #212Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:07 am


    How bout I feel isolated? Far away, remote, aloof, reserved, detached, unsociable, cool, unfriendly?

  213.  #213Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:08 am

    I feel so close to you. I feel so close to your heart when we interact.

    i feel itchy in my throat

    i feel so panicked not to have a plan for the day!

    i feel so disgusted to think that this little girl will have nothing to do and be by herself all day –

    whoa! latchkey child? i was. am i angry about this ? i feel guilty. because people said its bad?

    no one to play with?

    cant go out and play at the schoolyard, gotta come straight home, other eople are having fun


    i love me

    this is how im felein g NOW!!!!


    i’ve identified another pattern, im juiced

  214.  #214Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:10 am

    I feel hella unfriendly towards you righht now. haha.

    I feel hella unfriendly towards you World! How dare you not provide me with ample entertainment and FUN and feeling like im doing ding ding ding the jackpot thing

    i feel furious

    you’re making fun of my words



    i feel mad

  215.  #215Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:11 am

    I do NOT like being by myself. I thought we solved this .

  216.  #216dorothea on September 1, 2010 at 10:12 am

    i love spoonerisms

  217.  #217Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:13 am

    I don’t like being by myself because I feel… restless.

    I feel restless.

    What do restless people do?


    have sex,



    to other people which you dont have daria and thats why yure a loser

    Even tho i am a loser because i dont have other people,

    I love and accept myself

    i am tribeless…

    ugh so tired of this shit

    take me hoooomeee

  218.  #218Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:14 am

    spoons love you too dorothea.

    hey dorothea showed up. shes my friend.

    yo dorothea. i am here floating on my ice patch of stars in the universe.


    I feel very unworthy, displeased, and frustrated.

    WHATSUO?P with you girl!!


  219.  #219Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:15 am


    You can take my job and write on the blog and create spoonerisms all day!

    My Mom is in a wheelchair and incontinent. I told my brother I am going to take her to Wal Mart, where she can shit and sop (sit and shop)! LOL!

    No, I’m not making fun of her. She can laff about stuff like that.

  220.  #220Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Daria, my son is having the same problem. Both his siblings are back at college, and now he’s alone with me. No dad. School doesn’t start for him til next week. So he plays video games, rides his bike, composes music, cleans his room, and then back to video games again……

    If you were here, I’ll bet the two of you could find some fun trouble to get into.

  221.  #221Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:16 am


    Why not go for a walk to a health food store and meet some new ganja man in the hemp aisle?

  222.  #222Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:17 am


    Maybe Daria could introduce him to marriage in Tijuana!

  223.  #223Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:17 am

    oh,,, i feel a lot better i did some belief work on that no other people = loser belief

  224.  #224Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Hey, Dorothea, you might have heard of WH’s ex-w! She is supposedly one of the top linguists in the country and is the go-to person for translating one particular language (I forget which one).

  225.  #225Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:19 am

    i cant walk anywhere because i live by a lagoon island and theres only a few stores and some restaurants. and wind. and sun. . and trees and birds.

    but i dono

    i guess i could walk

    that feels sad

    walking feels lonely

    theres no one around so i feel lonely

  226.  #226Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:19 am

    i dont want to feel lonely

    lonely was labeled under “pain”

  227.  #227Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:22 am

    I actually kicked it with my new ganja man and his friend last nite.

    But what i need is instant connection NOW.

    I need someone to call and say, Heyyy, D! Good morning! I’m coming over, get up get dressed, we bout to kick it!

    i got pot drink, we;ll go get somethign to eat

    ohhh… that would feel so nice.. i dont want to drink and i have pot too, it would feel super great to go out to eat

    lets go out to eat then

    doop doop doop

  228.  #228Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:22 am

    I want to live by a lagoon island.

  229.  #229Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:23 am

    Heyyy, D! Good morning! I’m coming over, get up get dressed, we bout to kick it!

    i got pot drink, we;ll go get somethign to eat

  230.  #230Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:23 am

    doop doop doop was the sound my puppets made as they went out to eat.

    i guess i want to go out to eat, i could go to the sushi place that is hidden by the post office

    very not — find men — territory

    but this sucks, waaah, im surrounded by old people and married people and not dating pool people



  231.  #231Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Daria, maybe the world is talking to you and if you listen to it you won’t feel alone….

  232.  #232Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Brenda! thats wassup girl lets go. I hope you have youre license if you do lets go ride out to oakland and meet some guys.

  233.  #233Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Oops, except for two little problems…it’s afternoon here, and I 3000 miles away. So sad, too bad! LOL!

    Just kidding. I wish I could take you out to “Eat, Drink, Smoke!” Then we could make a movie bout our adventures!

  234.  #234Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:25 am

    Lucy – maybe you and the world, should hold hands and do a skippity do dance. I don’t appreciate you taking the world’s side here!


    get down or lay down, homie

  235.  #235Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:25 am

    Hey! I wanna ride out to Oakland and meet some guys too!!!

  236.  #236Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:26 am

    “Eat, Drink, Smoke!”


  237.  #237Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:26 am

    One of my best friends used to live around Oakland. Now she lives on the other side of the bay, prolly near the lagoon island. She got one of the German Shepherd puppies I used to breed 6 years ago. And we are still close friends.

  238.  #238Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:27 am

    I was telling D, who is a retired police detective, about Dorothea’s mj work — and he said, “I’m all for it!! Good for her!”

  239.  #239Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:28 am


    Let’s plan an air trip sometime and go see Daria! She can teach us the right way to make brownies!

  240.  #240Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:28 am

    Brenda – I hate you for playing with my emotions like that. I thought you were coming over. wtf!

  241.  #241Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:28 am

    Im practicing my agressive voice, here. lol

  242.  #242Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:29 am

    You know the #1 reason marriage in Tijuana is illegal? Because the legal sector makes too much money off of arresting and jailing people who like to feel good.

  243.  #243Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:29 am

    Aw, Daria, I wasn’t taking sides. <3 I thought you and the world were on the SAME side.

    Holding hands with the world and doing a skippity do dance actually sounds pretty good to me right now! Thanks for the suggestion! 🙂

  244.  #244Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:30 am


    If money and time weren’t issues, I would LOVE to come over! I’ve had it in the back of my mind to visit my friend there for 6 years! It’ll happen, cuz I’m banishing all limiting beliefs!

  245.  #245Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Yeah, I’m mad at Brenda for leading you on, Daria.

  246.  #246Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:32 am


  247.  #247Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:32 am

    hehe – yall can come now while i got the house to myself.

    my girl jus called me. she could drive to oakland, but she gets all sad – “that nothings bout to pop off” — before anything has a chance to. My other girl too, gets irritated quickly and starts yelling.

    so i need a more patient yet energetic person as a side partna

  248.  #248Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:32 am

    I just got an error message that said I’m posting comments too quickly — slow down. HHAHAHAHA

  249.  #249Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:33 am

    I feel so ashamed that I led you on…NOT! LOL!

    I have never been to California, and I really want to. I’ve been as far as Arizona, and so many times I looked at the highway sign pointing to Los Angeles. **Sigh!** My time will cum.

  250.  #250Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:35 am

    Erika had me tap on getting money to show up, so when it does, let’s go hang out with Daria — that would be a fun adventure! Woohoo!!!! I’ve never ever been to CA at all! Ever!!! And I’ve never ever met someone in person like Daria!!! Woohoohoohoo!

  251.  #251Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:37 am

    aww Brenda why you tryna diss me dawg.

    thats bootsy.

    anyway back to me ranting about having a problem. this feels fun. i wanna talk aobut this. i wanna be real honest here.

    im very very upset that this is not going my way. that i dont have a reliable effective live side partna. that the ones i have SUCK!! like rusty robots


    that no men are here outside my balcony. HELL?OO i have a balconyyyy!!! where are my suitors!!!

    are yall invisible???




  252.  #252Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:39 am


    They must all be a bunch of daft idiots to not ask Dariapunzel to let down her hair! 🙂

  253.  #253Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:39 am

    lol! I bet my friend white boy d will try to have sex with you guys!


    I can see it now!

    hes cute too… if hes in town

  254.  #254Miss Brat on September 1, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Thank you Rori for replying
    He has come home stressed out to the hilt. Does not want a cuddle does not want a kiss. Does not want to talk about it. He calmed down a bit now but still no cuddle or kiss and he been home over an hour.

  255.  #255Apple Jacks on September 1, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Oh NOW my posts show up!

  256.  #256Apple Jacks on September 1, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    Ugh! Jacqueline, I replied to you. Thank you so much for emailing me. 🙂

  257.  #257Daria on September 1, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    i have these thoughts, im so pathetic, scrunched over at the computer, in my unsexy clothes, all alone


    how do i feel? numb, detached

    i love my detachment my numbness

    and that feels like taking abreath and a hummmh

    and i love my breath and a hmmmhhh

    and that feels like smiling and i love my smile

    and that feels like huhuh giggle smile and i love my giggle smile and that feels like breathing out and arching my back and i love my outbreath and arch and the feel s like going hmmm and bednng the other way and i love my hmmh an bending… and that feels like… burping.. .and i love my burps… and that feels like breathing in and out and tightening my nose bridge and i love my tightening nose bridge and breath and that feels like… melting into my neck like a turtle head and i love my turtle head and that feels like craning my head to the side and i love the craning my head to the side like in exorcist… and that feels like holding my head like this and i love my holding my head like this and this feels interesting and i love my interest and this feels a ilil scary ad i love my fear and that feels like a smile in my heart and my head still pulled hard to the side and i love my pulled head and my smily heart and my head is pressing even lower and i love my pressing head and that feels like moaning and i love my moaning llike abuffalo and that feels like rasing my head and laughing and sighing…

    and i love my rasiing my head and laughing and sighing…
    and that feels like “remembering” that i dont have any men coming thru right now esp not 19 who i felt really goo daround and that feels like stab then attention jumps away i love my stabbed feleing and my jumping attention

    and that feels like yawning i love my yawns

  258.  #258Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    I matter.

  259.  #259Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    I am.

  260.  #260Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    I feel.

  261.  #261Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Miss Brat – changing your expectations of your stressed out man as per Rori is a strategy that will help you feel more powerful, centred and calm. Your man is seriously stressed – hold calm space for him. Give it a week as per Rori’s suggestion. It might sound something like this:

    Hi sweetie, I hope your day was better than yesterday. I am going to be in the garden for the next little while in case you would like to chat – now turn around and leave.

    Then go about making dinner. Ask simple questions, would you prefer steak or pork chops for diner tonight? Say thanks for your input, turn around and leave.

    Then as you sit for dinner. Say, I feel it would be really nice and peaceful to just have a candle and total silence for a change, what do you think? A nod yes or no will do. Then turn around and walk away and when it is time to eat, light a candle, make a lovely relaxing environment and be at peace and silence. At the end of dinner, say thank you – that is all.

    Then go read your books or go out for the evening with your friends. Tell your sweetie, I can sense that the peacefulness is helping you process all the crap from your day, so I will leave you tonight as I have some things to do with my friends. Have a nice quite evening and I will kiss you goodnight and sweet dreams when I come home. Then turn around and walk away.

    What you will be doing here is holding safe space for him. No expectations and a wonderful acknowledgement that he is safe to process information by himself. He will clue you in when he is ready.

  262.  #262BarbinOz on September 1, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Jacqueline # 205

    Oh I am not saying that Athol didn’t say some stuff that resonated with me, and I have to admit I am attracted to the alpha male, as much as it has gotten me in trouble in the past……sigh…….

    But I dunno he just irritated me for some reason, so young, so smug, so self satisfied yet so inexperienced about life, throw in a couple of kids a couple of divorces, broken hearts, lost jobs, lost people, etc etc………a few more YEARS of life even…….God I think I am getting old and cynical!!

  263.  #263BarbinOz on September 1, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Lizzie # 261

    Great post there, I felt really calm and peaceful reading it and I’m not even stressed out!! Just sitting here with my morning cuppa, instead of reading the newspaper or watching the TV like other people I choose to come on here and learn from my Goddess/Diva/Siren sisters 🙂

  264.  #264AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 1:47 pm


    I’ve been hoping you’d email me all day!

  265.  #265Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 2:13 pm


    Sorry, pretty focused on work today. I was gonna do it when I got home cuz it was a long one that takes brain work. This blog stuff is kinda amusement (ie, without thot) to me today.

  266.  #266Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Sirens, remember a few weeks ago when I was talking about the bonfire – burning stuff from my marriage, old business and it all becomming a cathartic moment of letting go and creating space for the new me? Well it happened and it was a huge release! – I wrote a story about it. It was too big to post here and the timing was right as Jacqueline’s blog was just about ready, so me-Lizzie is one of her guest, and she posted my story today. So exciting!!!

    There you go – enjoy and please feel free to comment there or here -now I must figure out how you get there….I am having a hot flash moment….

  267.  #267Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Re: 79: Jilly

    “I am also very expressive during sex and no guy has ever wanted me to be more quiet It feels good to express how I’m feeling during sex…and the men I’ve been with take it as a sign of how good they are in bed it helps both parties..”

    I’m not motivated by “how good I am in bed.” I’m more motivated by pleasing my woman. Giving a woman orgasms is one of the most satisfying things I could ever do. Works both ways though.

    As for being loud during sex, I don’t care what the neighbors think. Be loud. It’s more fun that way. And that’s how I know I’m doing it right.

  268.  #268Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Re: 79: Jilly

    “I am also very expressive during sex and no guy has ever wanted me to be more quiet It feels good to express how I’m feeling during sex…and the men I’ve been with take it as a sign of how good they are in bed it helps both parties..”

    I’m not motivated by “how good I am in bed.” I’m more motivated by pleasing my woman. Giving a woman orgasms is one of the most satisfying things I could ever do. Works both ways though.

    As for being loud during sex, I don’t care what the neighbors think. Be loud. It’s more fun that way. And that’s how I know I’m doing it right.

  269.  #269Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 3:00 pm


  270.  #270Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 3:01 pm


    LOL! Love it! Nice to hear a man’s “voice” who isn’t asceared to talk about SEXXX! 🙂 Ya know what more men need to know????

    The secret to arousing a woman through her clit!!! It isn’t fast friction that gets me there as well as a love bond combined with a slow, slooowww, slllllloooooowwwwww circular motion, like he has all the time in the world. I have NEVER been aroused so fast as when a man did this to me! Whew! WHEEEEWWW!

  271.  #271Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    ‘kay guess I have to relearn to use a real keyboard! You all check out her story – it’s a very cool bonfire letting go thing, and I’m so glad she was my very first “true stories” writer!!!


  272.  #272Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 3:02 pm


    You’re so cute! Shout out! LOL! Love it!

    50 multi-colored balloons to you, sweet lady!



  273.  #273Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    AH HA I got it! here is the link to Jacqueline’s blog and my bonfire story:

  274.  #274Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    Re: 175: Ragnell

    Brenda is right. The needy guy is trying to win you over with superficial compliments and by being grabby. It’s not attractive nor is it genuine. It’s about his trying to medicate his pain by winning you over.

    As for the emotionally reserved guy, he’s at the opposite end of the spectrum. He’s not emotionless, but he’s the type that doesn’t easily show what’s going on underneath. No one is cold and emotionless, but many simply don’t express it. And you’re much more attracted to him.

    The irony in all this is that what you’re strongly attracted to with this quiet guy who stresses you out because you never know where you stand with him. Until he actually comforted you.

    If you want to be with the quiet, stoic guy, you have to summon the strength to not need emotional reassurance from him. You have to “know” deeply that the connection is there even though there are few outward signs. You have to be secure with your own intuition and femininity to know these things. Anxiety around this connection will force a disconnection simply because it will cause you to perceive a disconnection. Self fulfilling prophecy. So stay with it. He’s a far more masculine guy.

    Best of luck.

  275.  #275Daria on September 1, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Brenda – hey that clit thing is the same for me. I freakin told Dman to do it slowww please cuz he was (shy) and tryna rush stuff…

    and i had to litterraly grab his arm because he was grabbing at my legs roughly…
    and then he got upset and pouty

    but i leaned bakc, then forward and i said, no i dont want you to stop, i want it this way, and i took his hand to show him

    and then he was GREAT

    imean really GREA


    like are you kidding me???

    hes like am i hurting you?

    im like um nooo noooo that feels goooodd

  276.  #276Daria on September 1, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    hmm… am i more concerned with how pleased my man is? or how good i am in bed? or how pleased i am?

    probably all 3. ok. i am a selfish goddess now. theyre telling me im selfish.

    i feel complimented by this. i thing i was a doormat at one time, like elementary middle school trying to get people to like me,

    and ever since ive like rebelled and i want to be seen as selfish, mean powerful

  277.  #277Daria on September 1, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    or am i innerly selfish? my cousins used to say i wouldnt let them play with my videogames… this makes me feel slightly bad and concerned… and my body is “on alert” and pinched

  278.  #278Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Daria and Brenda — same here, at least to start with.

    But I feel uncomfortable trying to instruct or teach a guy when I’m not really connected with him emotionally and with a commitment. That has been my trouble with D. He tries, but doesn’t really do anything “right” when it comes to my fulfillment — and I don’t want to tell him anything about it cuz I don’t really care all that much with him. I like making him happy — haha, over and over again, and he’s not young!!! — that makes me feel good emotionally — and it makes him adore me. And I do feel good physically with him, too, just don’t climax. I don’t really care, and I have only had sex with him 3-4 times in about a year’s time — but I can tell he wishes he knew what to do for me. I would rather he just didn’t worry about it at all. He’s not my forever man anyway.

    What do you think? Jason?? *blushing*

  279.  #279Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    @ Brenda…OMGosh….so I’m gonna have to have you be the SEX Doctor instead of telling your dream??? Loving it, and thanks! I’m feeling nervous cuz no one’s commenting on how great Lizzie is….yall please go say something!

    Yeah, I know…..Lizzie’s a grown woman….but I’m feeling like this is my real debut here….

    Smiles, hearts and flowers!


  280.  #280Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    @ Amber – your voice is so real, strong, authentic, moving, inspiring of introspection and commitment….I love it when you talk! And there’s a Friday interview coming up that’s going to be the opposite of what the last was…Open blog! rules!!!!


  281.  #281Ragnell on September 1, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    So I was instant messaging with the needy guy and I told him I felt uncomfortable talking to me. He asked why. I typed “Well, I’d like it more if you made an effort to make my experience with you a bit more pleasant. And that means you need to take care about your appearance.” Ok, so maybe this was not the most subtle way to put it but it needed to be said.

    His answer to that was really annoying to me. He asked “What have you done to deserve it?”. Huh? Should I do anything to deserve that a guy cares about his appearance. I was a bit offended and irritated by that question, so I told him “I don’t need to do anything to deserve it. But if you want to see me again, you will have to do it. I am not willing to give my time to someone who doesn’t care about how he presents himself to me.”

  282.  #282Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    Ragnell – dump that guy! how disrespectful is that? and it is not just disrespectful to you – it is to himself as well!

    Jacqueline – yup, i’m all growed-up now ya’here and you are a diva chick siren! I had turned myself in and didn’t see if you commented on my suggestion about the dead whales on your dinning room table – did you see that one?

  283.  #283Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    Re: 278 Lucy

    I don’t know why you don’t want him to please you if you don’t have that emotional connection. Why do you require an emotional connection to show him what you like done to you physically?

    See, everyone is different when it comes to getting off, both men and women. We train our brains and nervous systems to trigger orgasms usually only a few of an unlimited number of ways. Some women are clitoral, some women are vaginal, some women are a combination of things, for example. Men vary too. So when you’re with a new person you need to understand what works for him or her. And that’s part of getting to know someone sexually. Sex with a new person can be less than satisfying sometimes.

  284.  #284Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    @ Lizzie….I saw it and I lost it, but I got it at/in the moment….whatever it was. heee heee….my head’s turning in circles…..trying to find it, and I just. can’t….! See that’s why I’m a flower of a different color. Anyway, more above or below yours on the my guy situation….and why it’s a move up for me….

    PS We parachuted into the Trump Towers my dear, no need for a tent. Where shall we toast our successes?

  285.  #285Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    @ Jason…yeah, and that’s why we have SEX with the EX???? huh…..argh…

    wandering off to dinner….


  286.  #286Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    281: Ragnell

    This guy doesn’t need to be concerned about his appearance? I agree. Kick him to the curb.

    This raises an interesting point for me. I was discussing this with Jacqueline a minute ago over email. I was talking about how a few women have shown up on dates with no makeup, wearing unisex clothes, and not, in my opinion, making any effort to look feminine. For me personally, this was a big turnoff.

    How do you all feel about that?

  287.  #287Daria on September 1, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    deep change

    i am lucky

    just talked to my girl

    we’re supposed to go out

    i suddenly feel lifeless

    i am lucky tho

    that means i will get to rest

    and go feeling good

    i have an option and since im lucky i dont even have to rush and the option is just gonna keep getting better

  288.  #288Daria on September 1, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    Jason – depends on what kinda date it is. Sometimes i show up to dates in my pjamas. I still think i look fly. Everybody stares at me… ok maybe cuz im wearing pjamas, but really it cant just be that… everybody stares at me anyway…

    ok guilty of showing up like this but feeling defensive and embarassed lol

  289.  #289Daria on September 1, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    BUT – can she turn it around by looking feminine the next time?

    i dono i cant picture a guy seeing me that isnt really into me…

    i just figure he won’t call, or we’ll get in an argument…

    i feel confused…

    i mean… thatnk you for telling me that you were turned off when that happened to you before. i can imagine if the girl looked totally unattractive… it would feel awkward at least…


    i would feel embarassed


    but i date guys who wear grungy clothes

    i just dont want to kiss them in public in front of my Tutoring Student!


    i guess i just realized taht its nothing to trip off of — that i thought i broke up with my boyfriend over this — now i feel more like justified for not feeling comfortable

    yay Jason i “used” you. How does it feel to be used?

  290.  #290Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    I want to use guys for my pleasure but i feel guilty about taht. I feel like they woin’t really be for it. They get triggered by the word “used”. But its part of what turns me on. I guess its like a romantic dominatrix thingy…

    I dono..

    I just feel like I’m trying to get them to do something they dont really want, and they tell me I’m selfish, when I tell them I want to use them for my pleasure

    but omg that sounds so heavenly delicious

    help? ! jason?
    i am serious…

    this has come up recently and i feel VERY concerned about my sexdom lol. my heavently sexy love life…

    is this because i feel scared to open my heart?

    why do i get such negative responses when i suggest that ” a guy do all the work” or… ” i expect a guy to pay for everything” or… ” i want to use men for my pleasure”

    i mean, i want a man that would be delighted and “get” what I’m doing, flirting, i mean it turns me on,

    but i feel guilty

    i dont want to feel guilty

    i want to feel Happy… like it turns him on too!

    help! what am i doing wrong?

    i just want us both to win, but it sounds so good when i talk about him giving to me

    i think guys dont know how to read me.. cuz i seem sweet but they get triggered by how blunt i am being about my dating “donts” pay, drive, want a boyfriend…

  291.  #291Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    do i need to be less “blunt”? how do i be honest yet soft about this … grr … i feel frustrated

    i want a man that wants to please me that is not triggered that im “using” him that wants to be “used” that gets it that i would never harm him and taht i’m tryng to do this for us both so we could have a wonderful orgasmic sex life lol and romance life ugh.

    where is this man

    or men

    or whatever

    why am i triggering my men???

    i need ot “EXPLAIN” myself seductively

    i feel so disenchanted disappointed whiny


    the goddess is not getting her way yuck

    i feel bad to turn them off

    i want them to be happy

    I want to be happy

    help someone Rorisphere

  292.  #292Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    Re: 289 Daria

    Feel free to… use me, use me, cause you ain’t that average groupie… 😉

    I think there are two things conveyed by a woman’s personal appearance: her self-esteem and her femininity. Don’t you think a guy who’s a slob has low self-esteem and probably low masculine energy? I’m just asking.

  293.  #293Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    Re: 291 Daria

    It sounds like you’re on a little power trip here. Like your being demanding of the guy for your own satisfaction, but I don’t hear you caring about his pleasure and satisfaction in return. That could be what’s triggering your guilt. You know you’re not willing to give a little back to these men you’re with but you still want to “use” them.

  294.  #294Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    YES. Maybe! tho. he might not have low self esteem, or low masculine energy actually. nope . its just a style thing.

    some people are into different stuff. believe it.

    I just go by the ‘feeling’ of how clean the person is… its more like a smell personal thing to me…

    like some of my friends i wont want to sit on their toilet… for whatever reason

    there are many men that are slobs of both kinds.

    man with low self esteem and low masculine energy . ugh feels icky to think about

    man who doesnt dress with clothes without holes, and maybe doesnt even shower … mmm… sounds like many men – not all – some men are clean

    just like women

    sometimes i go thru hippie phases that i dont shower forever… but i just know im clean and its all good…

    some people only have one outfit for a month

    i dono im rambling


    i guess i think about the man naked… does he inspire me to jump on him, do i feel like i can melt into him…

    BUT… style is important to me, cuz i feel more ‘got’ by someone who’s style i can relate to…
    or am inspired by

  295.  #295Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    “It sounds like you’re on a little power trip here. Like your being demanding of the guy for your own satisfaction, but I don’t hear you caring about his pleasure and satisfaction in return. That could be what’s triggering your guilt. You know you’re not willing to give a little back to these men you’re with but you still want to “use” them.”


    SO WHAT DO I Do now???


    I don’t know why i feel like im not giving back to them??

    hangs head in shame in an inner vision way

  296.  #296Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:18 pm

    cuz i used to have lots of little brothers and guy friends and i always took care of them, so not taking care of a guy i feel guilty, like im treating him less than my family yet i expect more from him, yet im supposed to love him, acik

    this feels overwhelming!!

    i am just trying to be GOOD!

    whi is that not coming thru!!!

  297.  #297Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    295: Daria.

    Tough one to resolve here, Daria. You might be addicted to this pattern in some way. Have you felt powerless toward men in the past and now you’re exercising your attractiveness to manipulate them? Is it revenge energy?

  298.  #298Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    ouch… i just feel pinched all over… i do care about his pleasure or satisfaction but i feel afraid to say so or show it cuz i feel afraid to get taken advantage of. and besides, i dont know how.

    i smile and say thank you for everything.

    i think i just pick bad men… whimper.


    i love me ive launched into some kinda pattern

    cave exploring here.



    i just dont think men should pursue women?

    i still feel WAY more comfortable ‘hanging out’


    but i want to feel SPECIAL

    i feel so whiny


    i feel so impatient…

    i don’t know what IS it about this that triggers me SO

  299.  #299Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    At this point, i think any man would get tired of me. ugh i get on my nerves. im feeling really self bashing . LOL.

    i feel embarassed in front of Jason

    i feel like a total attention whore



    i feel like i cant take it

  300.  #300Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Hey Jason thanks for being here. I am overfunctioning likea mothafu8cka. lol. youre helping me, cuz my voice sounds hecka different talking to u, than usual. i have some kinda distant/coldness/sneering/ tone like im trying to be “cool” and its working… but i do this a lot and im glad to be doing it here and maybe dismantle it because i feel kinda weird with it there.

  301.  #301Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    o wow. i feel so unnatractive.

    i am like plunging into the abyss right now. i warned myself about that.

    omg im showing my crazy seslf in front of a boy.

    i feel so ick.
    i am going to try to be as unattractive as possible and boyliek then i cant get hurt in my heart and rejected

    thanks for sharing!


  302.  #302Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    my voice is squeeking.

    my tires are squeeking

    i am lucky – yup

    i am worhtwhile sitting here typing

  303.  #303Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    Yeah, im just really scared of my “attractiveness.” I feel like if I’m not careful, sometimes, everyone will bumrush me and attack me.

    and I close up automatically when i have that thought, which is when people look at me.

    and then i have another thought like omggggg, and then keep it down, but omg, theyre all staring at me… like i have this huge power

    and then i feel afraid and stupid. cuz i dont know what to do with it

    but i do with it what i think of…
    that might feel good.

  304.  #304Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    So maybe youre right Jason, maybe its revenge energy. Im gonna go EFT on that.

  305.  #305Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    cuz i felt ‘used’ by some men, and i was always way giving and never the one caring if a man had ANY money.. and then men still dumped me and left me….

    and now im like in your face, i CAN be treated good like that girl you left me for. im gonna get treated super good because i CAN, i just didnt know then and i let you walk all over me with my wonderfully nice ass, which i still am, but now i feel like practicing receiving and saying no to giving

    and that feels bad

    i feel bad to say no to giving

    but that IS what we’re practicing

    something is STILL f*CKIN triggering me


    this is HARD WORK!!!

  306.  #306Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    im probably all in my head about it, thats why

    im gonna really eft now, and maybe meditate and maybe go yell at the wall, or iout th ewindow, or whatever

  307.  #307Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    youhooo Jasmine? where are you???? how are you doing siren???

  308.  #308tinque on September 1, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    For me I have found that my man gets THE most pleasure giving me pleasure read: orgasms. He takes pleasure ravishing me.
    Honestly he doesn’t like me to do all that much to him aside from constant praise of him and his parts. Actually I can hardly keep my hands and mouth off of his parts. But he prefers this in play or as a tease, not in serious love making.
    So I don’t know…

  309.  #309Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    I liked that I never cared if a man had any money. But those relationships never got off the ground. Maybe it wasnt about money at all. me tarzan you jane.

    but i feel jealous of other girls who Do have guys spend money on them then…

    cuz that wasnt me…

    tho it was cuz my boyfriend did buy me a goldchain in highschool…

    but iwasnt into him so i RAN

    into the arms of badboys

    until now

    i am returneing

    as the muscly powerful heroine

    but i feel “demanding” that men follow my dating rules which make me more “stuck up” than i was in my past and now i feel all confused again

    i feel demanding

    this feels awful

    i feel stuck up

    this feels awful

    it also feels great, like a relief. at least im not “to be used”””



    i used to be a doormat

    i really did

    and now im learning not to

    and its ok

    to be demanding

    for awhile

    because i know and trust in me

    and i know and trust in my kindness

    i not only have references
    of my kindness

    but even so

    i can FEEL my kindness

    so whats the big deal

    i love you


  310.  #310Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    Jacqueline — “…yeah, and that’s why we have SEX with the EX????”

    Well, I know that’s why *I* do! He’s the best! And he knows exactly what to do for me.

    Jason, I just don’t feel motivated to “teach” a man who I’m not really into and probably will never sleep with again. Maybe I feel afraid that it will make HIM feel even more connected to ME — and I don’t want to do that to the poor guy since he’s already in love with me and I’m never gonna feel that way about him. It’s like, if I show him that stuff, I’m inviting him more into my world — deeper into intimacy with me — and it feels like leading him on.

  311.  #311Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    yah tinque… so why am i triggering and coming off demanding? even Jason picked up on it.

    i feel guilty!

    i dont want to be a mean bitch

    i want to be a soft attractive goddess of loveee

    and safety and good feelings

  312.  #312Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    Daria, I think it’s awesome that you sometimes go on dates in pajamas!!! Maybe i will try that sometime!

  313.  #313Daria on September 1, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    i love to see a man dressed up at nite, and the next day run into him while im still wearing my pjamas…

    my guy friends used to swarm like beez around me in my pink pjamas…

  314.  #314tinque on September 1, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    Daria – “so why am i triggering and coming off demanding?”
    what I’m getting, and maybe I’m wrong here, is that you once felt like a doormat, and now you won’t tolerate this, so you’ve swung the other way, and maybe now you feel some conflict.
    I believe you WILL find your rhythm, your balance. Give yourself some time.
    I didn’t find mine until my forties after all, so you’re “ahead of the game here.”

  315.  #315Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    Jason, I hardly ever wear make-up — especially on dates — cuz I look too good when I wear it. 🙂 I usually do powder my nose so it’s not too shiny and wear a touch of Burt’s Bees rhubarb lip shimmer on my lips. And I slather my skin with lavendar and vanilla lotions. And paint my toenails. And then I just go on my date and sparkle. I usually wear feminine clothes.

    WH apologized (sorta) for his clothes not matching — said stuff was in the laundry — but I wouldn’t have noticed. He was wearing shorts and some kind of shirt — all I could see was his luscious hair and gorgeous face and sexy hairy legs. Didn’t notice his clothes at all. Until later, after we walked barefoot on the beach and were putting our shoes back on — he was brushing the sand off his feet with those really short white socks, and I said, “No fair! You have something to brush the sand off with!” So he offered me a sock, but I declined and used my hand. At that point I noticed that he had been wearing sneakers. I know he noticed what I was wearing cuz he said two times that my sandals were really pretty, and once that my skirt was “the perfect summer skirt.” Oh, he also noticed my skirt when the ocean breeze kept blowing it up when we were playing skeeball.

  316.  #316Erika Awakening on September 1, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Hey Ladies,

    I would so love to read through all the messages and join in the lovely riffing right now, but things are sooo busy. I need to jump into HBR sessions in a few minutes so just a quick update.

    First, a big thank you to Brenda, who has already recruited a solid group of Sirens for our upcoming HBR call. We need a few more of you lovely ladies so please email me or Brenda to let us know that you would like to join the teleclass, and please include an email (you can send it to me if you like) with details about what issues you’d like to see covered in the call.

    Meanwhile, I wanted to share that I did a session with a Siren on Sunday, and this morning she sent me this email, which she gave me permission to share:

    “i did a session with you last sunday.

    “i have to tell you that i feel wonderful, lighter, like some heaviness i’ve been carrying around is gone. i feel very happy! i notice my internal dialog a lot more easily now. i have had a couple moments of clinginess and insecurity but have noticed that they are less intense. and the underlying feeling of being ‘less than’ has almost totally disappeared. i hope it stays that way! i have done a lot of therapy over the past couple of years (EFT, emoto-somatic release, talk therapies of various kinds, CBT) but one session with you has had a profound healing effect that none of the others modalities achieved. i would love to continue working with you and will sign up for the package of 4 or 7 sessions when i can afford it.

    thanks so very much,

    My schedule is really booking up these days, and I’d still love to have more women in my coaching practice so now is a good time to sign up for sessions …

    ok, I need to run.

    Erika 🙂

  317.  #317Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    Tinque — “For me I have found that my man gets THE most pleasure giving me pleasure read: orgasms. He takes pleasure ravishing me.”

    Yeah, that’s how my ex-h is. Really truly totally. Love it!

  318.  #318Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    Daria!!! Girl I think it is absolutely the BOMB tht you can show up in pj’s and think hey, everyone’s staring, I’m cool. Doesn’t feel demanding to me, feels authentic and really lol funny…..

    I like it Lucy, I’m the same way – I don’t want to give my time to something or someone that I know I’m not going to be that involved with, it’s draining and leading on, not in a good way…yep, take is out on the EX!!!

    Hi, Tinque!!! thanks for your words, as always…

  319.  #319Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    “Honestly he doesn’t like me to do all that much to him ….”

    I don’t do all that much to D — I just respond to him with my own pleasure. I get a lot of pleasure out of sex even without orgasm (although I do prefer having orgasms — which is why I like it best with my ex) — and D seems to like the pleasure that I am feeling and expressing — and that in turn turns him on . . . so, yeah, he thinks I’m amazing.

  320.  #320AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 6:09 pm


    I’m hearing I DO wanna be the stuck up bitch, but I don’t like how it feels and I ALSO want to be all of the other parts of me.

    That’s pretty cool.

    I’m wondering what it feels like to express a desire instead of demand?

    I’m just getting over this in baby steps, so I’m kinda just talking to myself here. I can talk to a guy very factual and “this is how it is” but when I open my mouth to express a desire from my heart I get really shy and tongue tied.

    Maybe, I have this fantasy of being totally ravished. Of being a queen and having my every desire fulfilled. Of having a man who’s sole purpose is to give me orgasms in every possible way…

    Is there a way to be soft and pliable and invite worship instead of servitude? Almost innocent. But not quite…

    I wonder (Jason?) if there’s a good way to communicate this to a guy & inspire him to see me as royalty?

    Laundry calls. bbiaw

  321.  #321Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    Well lovely lady sirens, I had a date last night. With “twin #1” and I have a date with the #2 on Friday evening.

    I tried so hard to lean back and have no idea if I did because this poor little fellow, as sweet as he is, is so painfully introverted it hurts. My my my, sigh….

    So I arrived at the lovliest bar having walked on the hottest night ever – so a tad sweatty I was….and looked right past him because he is short, and was missing his beard. Cute enough but that is quite sad that I would just look right past him – I don’t feel nice about that. Then we had a drink and I was so hot – I ordered a white wine spritzer (how to ruin a good wine), and a glass of water. Eventually they brought the wine and forgot the water. I had said that the lady forgot the water and I would really have liked it because I felt a little dehydrated from the heat. The sweetie went and chased down a server to get me a glass of water. I like that stepping-up!

    Then, I thought I would be a good siren girl, and sit back and wait for him to ask me something. NOTHING but akward silence. Well now, I can not let the poor guy drown so I began with ….so I you used to live in this area? and lucky for me, that got him on a safe track talking about our childhood years – a few good laughs. But he was still fried-nervous.

    Finally he leaned over and said that I was his first date. OH NO! didn’t I respond with ah ha! so you are a freshie, not to worry dating at our age is completely different from when we were younger and I have no idea what I am doing either but I do know that I don’t like the online thing and want to meet people right away. He agreed.

    He told me he was fascinated that I would not tell him what I do for a living. He said that all the women he has been in touch with only talk about their kids and their cats (oh such pathetic lives!). He as was captivated by my desire to talk only about who he is and who I am and that I only wanted to know how long he was single – less than a year. I didn’t ask about his ex or his marriage. I said that one day he will tell me all that stuff but that I was much more interested in knowing what he is all about.

    We went for a walk around the neighbourhood and had a nice time. He wants to play golf with me 🙂
    As a CD, he is OK. Did I do OK? I felt calm and not even close to invested in the outcome as much as I have on previous dates. I would enjoy playing golf with him. I don’t feel I could have sex with him. Interestingly, while I was walking home, I thought he might like my sister LOL!!!

  322.  #322Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    boy, what a really in my head description of my date…hmmm isn’t that telling all by itself

  323.  #323Mercedes on September 1, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    For me, I think appearance has a lot more to do with how you feel vs what you wear or how much makeup you have on.

    I have a sister (well…I have LOTS of sisters, but I’m referring to one in particular) who looks almost exactly like me. She’s younger by a few years, but everyone thinks we’re twins and we often get mistaken for each other when we’re not together (and yes…that has caused problems…).

    Anyway, she never wears makeup. Once in a great while she’ll wear it when going out for a special occasion, but most often, she’ll be found without it. She likes to dress nice though and has kept herself up (meaning she doesn’t still have clothes and hair from high school) and she’s very, very comfortable with what she looks like.

    Then there’s me. Same height. Same weight. Same build. Same bone structure.

    And I can’t stand to be without makeup. I put it on when I’m not going anywhere just in case I go somewhere. I can’t put gas in my car without it. Not comfortable at all.

    Does my sister think I look silly because I wear more makeup than she does? No. Do I think she’s unattractive without makeup? No. And yet…we look very, very much alike.

    So…for me and in my experience…it is all about how you’re feeling. If you can feel sexy in unisex clothes and no makeup on a date…then it’ll be pretty damn hard to turn a guy off. If you feel, act and think like a “slob”…well…you’ll come off that way to your date too. (so in other words Jason…I think this is more about your type and their vibe than it is about the fact that they weren’t wearing makeup…but that’s just my opinion).

    Same goes for guys I think. J is a very nice looking clean cut man. Sometimes…especially when he’s on vacation…he likes to skip the shaving part (yes…even when we go to dinner). That might look scruffy or lazy or slobish considering he’s usually clean shaven…but it doesn’t. Why? Because he doesn’t FEEL like a slob so he doesn’t come off that way. If he was self conscious about it…yes…I’d hate it. But instead, I barely notice. And then…when Monday comes around and he has to go back to work and he shaves…well…my heart skips and beat and he looks soooo gorgeous to me.

    Yeah…still…after all this time…he can still make my heart skip a beat because he feels sexy and confident without a shave so I get to see that clean smooth shave after a few days of “not noticing” his beard. 🙂 Lucky me!

    Much Love,

  324.  #324Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    oh, I felt I was more me, more relaxed and not trying so hard for someone to like me. I don’t care if he doesn’t like me. Hmm, I am appreciating this reflection process

  325.  #325Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    310 Lucy

    Got it. Makes sense.

  326.  #326Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    I’m warming up to okcupid. Finally filled out my profile. For the section called “The most private thing I’m willing to admit,” here’s what I wrote:

    “I am allergic to shellfish. 🙁 But my friend Erika Awakening thinks she may be able to fix that with HBR. I hope so! Then I can kiss my date even if he eats shrimp for dinner.”

    Lol! I’ve already gotten some great responses to that! Take THAT Winker Hottie!!!!!!

  327.  #327Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    Thanks, Jason, glad it makes sense. 🙂

  328.  #328Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    323 Mercedes

    You’re right. It IS more about vibe than anything else. In the particular experience in my life I’m referring to, I saw a picture of this woman all made up and it was very sexy to me, but her natural state was not. Had she brought just a little bit of that into her dates with me, I’d wager I might have been more attracted.

    It’s true, some women are naturally sexy and feminine without any adornment, but some women have to develop that femininity, regardless whether it’s vibe or appearance.

    I realized that women have TWO dials they can adjust when creating their physical appearance. They can be well dressed or they can be sloppy. AND they can control the level of masculinity and femininity in their appearance. A woman can practically go in drag as a man if she wants and no one really thinks it’s unusual. The shoulder pads of the 80’s proved that. We men, on the other hand, can only control how well dressed we are. We can’t go too feminine in our appearance without being in drag or appearing gay. Women just have a lot more latitude when it comes to dressing in a masculine or feminine way.

    Although the young guys who have their eyebrows waxed to shape them better are really pushing the envelope for me. 🙂

  329.  #329Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    Jason, would you mind terribly commenting on what is “sexy”? How is it that a man sees someone as sexy and someone else not? And I don’t mean just by clothing selection. I find it facinating that I can be dressed in a business suit or golf skirt and some men will right out tell me they think I am seriously hot or sexy. I am sure I look at them all confused because I didn’t do it on purpose – or that is what I think.

  330.  #330Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    And in seleting a partner, men always tell me that the person they want “has to be sexy to them” – how on earth would I ever know I am sexy to them without them licking me (I just had to say that…)

  331.  #331Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    oh and I am 53! I just about fall over when a man tells me I am sexy! god I just so love it!!!

  332.  #332Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    I want to be ravished
    I want a man to step up bonk me on the head with his big stick and drag me into his cave and claim me for his own
    I want to be wanted
    In the kitchen
    In my office (well maybe not)
    In my living room
    In my car
    On the golf course…

  333.  #333Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    jeessss – do you know how awful it was to be married to a gay guy????

    wouldn’t know a ravished if the dictionary was standing right beside him…..yuck…will never do that again….

  334.  #334Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    want to walk in the door
    and immediately be gathered up in his arms
    and melted with the most passionate french kiss
    with a helloooo hunnnnnny, I have been looking for you all day….

  335.  #335Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:23 pm


  336.  #336Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    feeling abandoned here….

  337.  #337Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    feeling small and invisible…..

  338.  #338Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    330: Lizzie

    Well, it really is all feminine sexual vibe. I’m still riding this line between the relationship between the femininity felt on the inside and the femininity expressed on the outside. I’m not sure they can be separated. At the same time, I can see how a woman could be devastating in a business suit if she carries it like a woman. It’s even better if it fits her well so I can see her shape.

    But I think sexiness can be described as the relationship a woman has with her own femininity and sexuality. Women who are grounded in their femininity and have a healthy relationship with their sexuality will come across as sexy to men. I know this to be true because I’ve been strongly sexually drawn to women who I wouldn’t call particularly good looking.

  339.  #339Jennifer on September 1, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    I feel childish
    I feel annoyed
    I feel hateful
    I hate me right now
    I hate hating me
    I feel teeth grinding and foot stomping and arm crossing and hair pulling and screaming and mad mad mad mad mad mad mad
    I am trying to love me like this but i am having trouble
    Why do I have so much trouble with loving me.

  340.  #340Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    very helpful, thank you.
    I am gathering then, that when a man says to me “you are all woman to me…” I am coming across as feminine? And I am guessing that I am quite nicely integrated.

    Then I am also guessing, when my guy says that he likes it when I am “soft” that he is also saying feminine?

    I find it quite fascinating because, I am not a pink frilly type and I wear very little adornments…but I am always well put together in a more classic sense with that little splash of my French culture background

  341.  #341Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    Jennifer!! I have so missed you!!!

  342.  #342Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    Sweet Jen – when I was driving by, with my great big sign for the life changing bonfire….I thought of you! If I didn’t have a pile of kids and stuff I would have brought you with me so that I could help you get rid of all your “I hate me messages”

  343.  #343Simply Shannon on September 1, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    Daria: I feel completely intrigued by how much your voice changed talking to Jason. I think you noticed it as you were writing. Interesting.

    Lucy: I feel weird reading the comments that you don’t want these guys to fall more in love with you. If this is a mirror for me, it’s that I feel “better than” the guys I’ve typically dated. Again, interesting.

    Jason: I feel confused and would love your help. I watched Big Lebowski and… I didn’t get it. Do you have to be stoned to watch it? 😉 But really… I didn’t get it. I felt confused when it ended, like I missed an important message from the universe. Maybe my Cracker Jacks box was missing the decoder ring.

    Hey everyone else! This siren is taking her sweet ass to bed. I feel exhausted. My mentor training was last night. Let me tell ya’ll, I felt so inspired by those girls. Sigh. They are all incredible. I felt thrilled to meet these young girls who have overcome so much. They may not see the value in themselves but I feel proud of them. It’s going to be an exciting time. I think I’m going to learn as much from them as they will from me.

    As Brenda would say, I finally have my POP (Purpose On the Planet). Or in Rori-speak, my “out the window”. 🙂 Awesome!

  344.  #344Lizzie on September 1, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    So Jason, would you have found me sexy in the following scenario:

    I was in terror on the weekend because I had to go zip-lining with my kids. A father was supposed to take this little gang of teens but he had to cancel; his wife couldn’t do it as she was more scared than I, so I had to go. In preparation, I put on my jeweled golf sox, and my prettiest bra, as I was so wildly thinking that I just might need to be flown off the mountain into the nearest emergency psychiactric hospital! Amazingly, in my live for the moment, moment, I actually felt sexy in my jeans, harness, and helmet!!

    The current man I am most interested in, knew about my fear as I had been emailing him (he was a 9 hour drive away so could not possibly rescue me), and he wanted to know the outcome.

    And I did it!!! It was awesome! In the end I loved it. But back to the sexy part…

    So I got an email from him at the end of the day, to find out how I survived. I wrote him pretty much what I stated here in the first paragraph. Would that come across as sexy?

  345.  #345Simply Shannon on September 1, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    Oh hey Jennifer: How was vacay? What’s up girl? I expected you to come back all refreshed and tanned. Sending you a million hugs across the airwaves. (((HUGS)))

  346.  #346Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    @ Jennifer – Hey! was wondering where you and your voice went? How did the situation with the man and your “gut” feeling proceed/conclude? And do you love the new watch now??? Hope all is well!


  347.  #347Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    Daria, RE: #301 – I started to cry when I read this one where you said, “i am going to try to be as unattractive as possible and boyliek then i cant get hurt in my heart and rejected.”

    I did that a lot of years. I lost 90 lbs in the late 80s, and I emerged with a perfect figure. At that stage, I was also growing a lot emotionally and I started flaunting it, dressing sexy and showing skin and experimenting with enjoying the attention of men.

    I still dress grungy when I am in a bad mood, cuz I don’t want to encourage attention.

    Can you give yourself permission to show your beauty and femininity? How bout this…dress in a very feminine, classic dress and just walk around a mall or wherever, noticing how men treat you.

    Then go on a date dressed feminine and classic, whether it’s with a G or a yuppie. Go for a yuppie. Explore your boundaries.

    Not trying to pressure or control you…just giving you ideas, cuz you said you were serious and wanted to break through this thing.

    I love you!

  348.  #348Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    Hi Shannon. I feel weird reading your “better than” comment. For me, I don’t feel “better than” D — I just feel that we’re not ultimately a good fit for a long-term relationship. He’s a great guy, very successful, good-looking, kind, intelligent, etc. Just not the right guy for me personally. That’s why I don’t want him falling more in love with me.

    Lol. And everything I just said there is kinda similar to what WH said to ME!

  349.  #349Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 8:42 pm


    I found for me that different types of men treated me differently, not because of who I was but because of who they were. Some men are responsible and classy and clean, and they dated me with class, taking me to a place like an upscale night club, paying without thinking twice, dancing with me, treating me like a lady all around.

    I have been noticing something real recently. I have said I’m dating with no sex. I am finding that the usual type of men that hover are dropping off like limp dicks…LOL! They have proven to me anyway that they are needy for sex and affection and whatever and they don’t stick around when I up my standards.

    By saying I won’t have sex until we have an established relationship and a commitment, they suddenly lose interest! I am finding it is a good way to sift the quality men from the ones who want to use me for their own selfish pleasure!

    So you could experiment with that or just only date men who are out of your comfort zone.

    How do you feel bout that?

  350.  #350Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 8:46 pm


    Here’s another thought…when I lost all that weight, I really experimented with my identity. Cuz I went from being fat and ignored to looking like a model and men gazing at me from every which way! It was a trip!

    So I did stuff like this to see what was what…I would dress to the hilt with a dress, accesories, jewelry, and then carry a large department shopping bag with a pillow or something in it, so it would look like I was rich and shopping.

    I’d go to a mall, holding my head high, smiling at everyone, pretending I was an heiress who lived in a one million dollar estate. I would draw attention from everywhere, and talk to all the sales clerks like I was about to buy out the store!

    It helped me gain confidence, and I felt how it felt to be someone else. Interesting.

  351.  #351Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Contented sigh. I do feel like a Siren when I get pof emails like this:

    “Subject: You brightened my evening
    Great pictures and such a wonderful smile!
    I hope you find someone who can keep
    that joy in your heart and the twinkle in
    your eye. I’d be honored if you feel like
    contacting me, but happy just to have
    shared in the great pictures.
    Thanks, T”


  352.  #352Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Amber, RE: #320 – I want a man to cherish me. I just be soft, feminine, and inviting, and if I don’t feel cherished and precious in his eyes, I see it as a red flag. I don’t think I need to do anything to be treated that way. I think a good man will naturally do that.

    I felt really good when Bill cautioned me about 4 different times to be careful on Friday, August 13th! I felt cared for, protected…in a subtle, early romance way. 🙂

  353.  #353Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    340: Lizzie

    You are correct on all of those. They are all feminine energy even without the pink and frilly. He’s telling you in no uncertain terms he can feel your femininity.

    343: Simply Shannon

    The Big Lebowski does have a reputation as a stoner movie, but if you didn’t get it, don’t worry about it. Maybe watch it again with someone who does and hear their interpretation. To me it’s the Tao of the Slacker aspect that makes it so funny.

    344: Lizzie

    Yes, very sexy. I had the image of you putting that bra on in my mind.

  354.  #354Ragnell on September 1, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    @Lizzie That guy is more than dumped. I don’t want to be cruel and mean to him, so it’s best if he stays away from me.

    @Jason I’m seeing the emotionally-reserved yummy-smelling handsome masculine guy tomorrow. 🙂

    As to how to show up on dates, I like looking nice. Sometimes looking nice involves makeup and dresses. Some other times, I need to look more sporty and ready for adventure (like when my fave guy takes me hiking or ice skating). Whatever my look, I think the important thing is that I feel feminine and either cute or sexy when I look in the mirror. (I have cute days and sexy days, it depends.)

  355.  #355Ragnell on September 1, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    @Lizzie That guy is more than dumped. I don’t want to be cruel and mean to him, so it’s best if he stays away from me.

    @Jason I’m seeing the emotionally-reserved yummy-smelling handsome masculine guy tomorrow. 🙂

    As to how to show up on dates, I like looking nice. Sometimes looking nice involves makeup and dresses. Some other times, I need to look more sporty and ready for adventure (like when my fave guy takes me hiking or ice skating). Whatever my look, I think the important thing is that I feel feminine and either cute or sexy when I look in the mirror. (I have cute days and sexy days, it depends.)

  356.  #356Daria on September 1, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Brenda – I do stuff like that too , pretend I’m someone else for fun. I do date all types of men and dress feminine… I think it was a lost voice in me deep down… And cuz I feel like that in public.

    I just realized something about basins comment.

    It was helpful cuz ge said that ge doesn’t gear how I’m caring about their pleasure or happiness in return… But I am… I think that’s what’s missing that I haven’t expressed.

    And the last part just triggered me… I am willing to give a little back… But who wouldn’t??? Right?? I guess I don’t Wang to be mad at men for being scared, I’m scared of being used for sex. They are for money, etc

    Remember I’m not using them. I’m caring about their happiness too. Open heart. I can express that scary vulnerable shit.

  357.  #357Jason Miller on September 1, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    355 Ragnell

    Sounds good. I think you have the right idea. 🙂 I’m sure he will appreciate it.

  358.  #358Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 9:42 pm


    I feel you. Not sure if all of your last post was laced with gangsta lingo or misspellings. 🙂

    I really got in touch with some of my deep voices thru your riffing too. It’s connected with a lot of my current silliness I’ve been sifting out. It’s all to do with a cover for the soft, feminine Bren for me.

    I find sometimes I even speak with a deep, loud voice, because it covers the soft, vulnerable Brenda who is too sensitive to show. I find when I am with someone who is accepting and open, my soft voice naturally comes out.

    I’m really soft inside, really, really sensitive. That part was buried by the time I became an adult. It’s taken me years to unearth the woman in me. I like her. She’s got femininity oozing from every cell of her body.

    I feel good when Kenny tells me I drip with femininity. He says it’s all over my face, no matter what I’m wearing. He encourages me to embrace it and just be my feminine self.

    I feel gooder and gooder with that. I’m really not a loud mouth deep down inside. I like to touch and be touched. By the right man.

  359.  #359Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    I feel really healthy and relaxed after doing my mermaid self out under the stars, swimming!!!

  360.  #360Daria on September 1, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    Umm… I was talking to dman and he mentioned his babymama.. As usual… So he talked about her… I decided to check my feelings I felt a lil tingly and jealous and also nonchalant and good talking to him…

    And then I got a question I thot of… Well I decided to ask… Are you having sex with your Babymom?

    So he’s like mmmm noo, but if I was would it be a problem?

    And I’m like… I dono I just felt curious- truth

    And he’s like ok why do you have sex with guys u talk to… ?

    I’m like well I could… But not really.

    He’s like, not really that means yes!

    I felt mad!!!

    I’m like no that means no. And I don’t want to be talked shit to just because…

    And he’s like.. Shuddup.

    And I got triggered and quickly hung up.

    I realized he was kidding while hanging up, but I still dint want to be treated that way…

    And he called right back but I wasn’t ready to talk and I heard a voicemail sound…

  361.  #361Daria on September 1, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    Lol. Itouch spelling

  362.  #362Erika Awakening on September 1, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Hey Ladies,

    I miss being here. I wish I had more time to be here right now.

    As it is I feel exhausted so am going to bed shortly. Today six new clients signed up with me. That felt sooooo good 🙂 It’s been a little scary all the feelings that have come up about leaving my day job, letting go of my security blanket and part of my identity … and, in the midst of that, feeling the support of the community means so much.

    Mercedes’s post about “how you feel” is more important than what you are doing resonated with me a lot.

    Lucy, lol about your online ad :p And yes allergies are just another manifestation of fear, like every “problem” people have …

    G’nite Sirens 🙂 Please join us for the HBR call, it’s going to be really fun 🙂

  363.  #363Daria on September 1, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Lol wassup with that Wang haha. Now I wish rori would tell me what to do with dman

  364.  #364Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    There’s a weird trigger…I just saw an ad for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. My mouth started to water and then at the end of the ad, they said, “You KNOW you love it!”

    I felt like gagging. Like they are trying to tempt me, when I’m an overeater, trying to break my boundaries.

    Because they are the exact words momma’s boy said last weekend. I didn’t even tell you all about him, after our 45 min phone conversation, because he was scum. He was trying to break my boundary of no sex. He kept going there and going there, even tho I said no. And he said, “You know you love it!” meaning sex.

    I felt disrespected. I felt dishonored. I felt yucky. I feel proud of myself that I kept my boundaries and he’s history. He’s not going to meet me.

  365.  #365Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    His message says ur hella “funny” u need a sense of humor goodnite bye. Drat I feel like he’s slipping between my fingers. I feel shameful yo feel that… I feel sad . And dissapibtment.. I want to feel good… I feel sad

  366.  #366Daria on September 1, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    This heella bootsy vein at the house by myself. I want man attention… I feel really unattacrrive sayin that

  367.  #367Nikita on September 1, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    What is this telecall??? Brenda? Daria? Erika?
    What have I missed?

  368.  #368Lisa on September 2, 2010 at 12:07 am

    When “the guy” comes at me flirting, I feel like stepping back because I am afraid I will give in to his seduction, which he wants. If I lean toward him and say ok let’s do it, he steps back. He travels so a lot has been fantasy, but we have met up a few times. Full sex happened last time, but it was 9 months ago. Now he is coming around and I told him there is kinda someone, but really we are just texting. So now the guy apologizes if he tries to flirt which I like, but now I want to see him, bad.

  369.  #369Daria on September 2, 2010 at 12:07 am

    My ex is kickin it with my girl… They’ve become kick it all the time friends since I started talking to his friend… But he was actually being reasonably nice to me — he got on the phone like twice and didn’t cuss or really attack me. I found out they were at the studio and my first love was there… I feel jealous of having fun at the studio.

  370.  #370Mercedes on September 2, 2010 at 6:33 am

    Jason: #328…I agree with EVERY word…ummm…almost.

    Guys…if you have a unibrow or too much hair on any other part of your body….please…wax away…

    Much Love,

  371.  #371Lizzie on September 2, 2010 at 6:55 am

    Brenda – what is a “yuppie”?

    Jason – thanks! sexy is good….

    Mercedes – my 12-year old son has forced me to take him to have his unibrow threadded before school starts. He has been on my case for a year! So it will be done on Saturday. I have compelled my lovely technician to make sure he looks natural.

    As for men – if you can get them to shave the entirety of their special bits – it is so awesome to play there!! But I tell you, when I bring it up, and ask the man to shave …. the reaction is worth charging admission. Truly so funny!

  372.  #372Mercedes on September 2, 2010 at 7:01 am

    LOL! Lizzie! My son has been getting his eyebrows threaded for YEARS! He’s nineteen now and probably started it when he was around 11 or 12 I would guess. I know he started shaving his mustache in 5th grade because I got a note from the school tell me he needed to because it was causing a distraction (I was like “Seriously?!? I have to put a RAZOR in the hands of my 5th grader!!!!).

    J won’t do the shaving below either. He trims. I tried to get him to get it waxed and ummm….yeah…let’s just say I can picture your man’s reaction CLEARLY! LOL

    Much Love,

  373.  #373Erika Awakening on September 2, 2010 at 7:08 am

    Hi Nikita,

    You have not missed the HBR teleclass, we are still organizing it … please email Brenda or me if you would like to participate …

  374.  #374Lizzie on September 2, 2010 at 7:23 am

    WAXED! OMG!!! Mercedes that has got to be the funniest thing! can you just imaging the hands needed to stretch the skin …..ok ok, back to work…I am laughing so there are tears…
    I happened to flip TV chanels the other day and came upon a show it think it is called Jessica and the Pursuit of Beauty around the world – anyway she was in Brazil with her crew and they got the man in their crew to wax his thighs and maybe even a bikini – well, they did at least 2 shots of the rip and his screams of pain. I hate to say it was so funny I almost peed myself. Seems to me, my Brazillian doesn’t hurt that much, but then I am not a guy and I am not on TV…..

  375.  #375tinque on September 2, 2010 at 7:39 am

    Nope, no way, no how, I don’t like waxed men’s bits and pieces. It just looks TOO weird to me. Maybe I’m lucky, and K’s hair down there is soft. I like it just as it is though I will trim it a bit for him if it gets too long and in MY way for playing.
    I wax my own parts. Talk about contortioning.

  376.  #376Mercedes on September 2, 2010 at 8:00 am

    The lady who does my wax “specializes in couples”…whatever that means….

    But yeah…he’s sooooo not interested. Actually runs to the nearest manly beer and chugs! 🙂

    Much Love,

  377.  #377Erika Awakening on September 2, 2010 at 8:09 am

    If it comes to excess hair, I prefer a man laser … then it’s gone permanently 🙂

  378.  #378Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 8:35 am

    From Higher Awareness:


    Really be there for another

    “Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. You can see that when you think how the friends that really listen to us are the ones we move toward, and we want to sit in their radius as though it did us good, like ultraviolet rays.”

    — Brenda Ueland

    How well do we communicate with others? Often, when we are interacting with others, our attention in both speaking and listening is focused on meeting our own needs.

    Our communication skills improve when we can open to be aware of the needs of the other person. When we listen, we can release the filters that serve our own needs for security and receive the message with our compassionate heart. And when we speak, we can choose words that the listener is able to receive. True communication happens when we harmonize with the other individual.

    “So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.”

    — Jiddu Krishnamurti

    “The first duty of love is to listen.”

    — Paul Tillich


  379.  #379Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 8:36 am

    Am I the only one here who actually LIKES hairy men???

  380.  #380dorothea on September 2, 2010 at 8:39 am

    Lucy, that is so exciting! So many police officers, especially retired ones who have the freedom to say so, understand that marijuana is far safer than alcohol, and that it is not associated with aggression and crime the way alcohol is. The only association marijuana has to crime is artificial, because it is criminalized in this country, creating a dangerous black market.

    in other news, i have been offered a ‘better’ job and I might take it. I have a meeting with the company on tuesday so we’ll seeeeee

  381.  #381Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 9:13 am

    No Lucy…I LOVE hairy men!! 🙂

    …update on boss man…sounds exactly like WH man 🙁 he told me everything happens for a reason and that he needs some time to work through some things and that it’s only fair to me that he tell me that..

    it the same conversation he asked if I would still be open to sleeping with him….

    I said I was already sleeping with another man…and could I take a raincheck? lol I was cracking myself up

  382.  #382Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 9:16 am

    “I said I was already sleeping with another man…and could I take a raincheck? lol I was cracking myself up”

    LOL! What did he say to that????

  383.  #383Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Dorothea that’s awesome on the new job offer! Good luck!

  384.  #384Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 9:24 am

    Well…he after he told me he “needs some time” I said no problem…and then he asked “where do we go from here” and I said “back to the way it was before I guess, what do you think?”

    and he asked me if I wanted to see how things would go if we slept together since it went so well the other night (when we went out on a date) and I said

    I can’t..I’m sleeping with someone else and I made a rule that I only sleep with one man at a time and I actually really like this guy…can I take a raincheck? 🙂 if I slept with you I would have to tell him and it would probably ruin it…

    he responded…that’s fair and respectable, I would want the same if we were sharing those moments

    and I never responded back…I feel like I already knew this would be the outcome before it even began…which is ok

  385.  #385Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 9:28 am

    I do wonder if he was surprised at my answer…he had to be…what woman says things like that??? LOL

  386.  #386Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 9:30 am

    I have a date with sailor man tonight 🙂 but I need to work on getting more men in my rotation so I don’t become needy wanty and whiny 😉

  387.  #387Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 9:33 am

    Jilly, so what did he WANT — friends with benefits? or what???

    WH and I haven’t talked at all about having sex together . . . I wonder if we will . . . I wonder what I’ll do if he wants to . . . He might not want to since he’s adamant about not wanting to “hurt” me. I feel kinda curious and excited and nervous to see what will happen with him.

  388.  #388Brenda on September 2, 2010 at 9:39 am


    A Yuppie is a Young Urban Professional.


    Did you apply for my job?

  389.  #389Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 9:40 am

    I’m not sure what he wants exactly…I don’t feel like he does either. I don’t think he can “do” relationship…I was told that when he was married he flirted big time with all the women and I’m not sure if he cheated or not but I wouldn’t be surprised…

    he has a reputation for being a “player” but I like to give the benefit of the doubt but still be smart…I kept my boundaries 🙂

    He’s the stereotype “bad boy”…super attractive to me…I feel that he’s just not ready and doesn’t want a real relationship

  390.  #390Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 9:46 am

    I feel excited and curious for you with WH too!

    So D man is no longer doing “it” for you?

  391.  #391Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 9:47 am

    Hi Bren!

  392.  #392Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 9:56 am

    Jilly, I never had strong feelings about D, right from the beginning. I slept with him around 3 times over the past year (and two of those times I had been drinking — not sure if I’d want to sleep with him without it). He’s good company sometimes — it feels good to be with a guy who likes me a lot and is still fairly sensible about it — he thinks I am incredible and amazing, and that feels good — it’s fun to watch dvd’s with him — but I am definitely not into long-term or even on a regular basis. Once in awhile is good. And I hate to say it, but this time I probably slept with him because I had been thinking how much I wished I coulda slept with WH — I feel bad about that — it was definitely “using” him — although he certainly enjoyed it too — but WH did keep coming into my mind during the act — and a couple times TN man did, too. So….. yeah. D never really floated my boat that much. I feel bad saying that. I feel like a player.

  393.  #393Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 10:04 am

    I understand…I didn’t realize you had known him so long…you know it’s not a good sign if you are having sex and thinking of other men lol

  394.  #394Lizzie on September 2, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Lucy is a player Lucy is a player…that is so funny

    Jilly it is so funny…. ” can’t..I’m sleeping with someone else and I made a rule that I only sleep with one man at a time and I actually really like this guy…can I take a raincheck? if I slept with you I would have to tell him and it would probably ruin it…

    I only sleep with one man at a time….can I take a rain-check? I just love that! I am going to keep that in my portfolio of clever things to say…

  395.  #395Lizzie on September 2, 2010 at 10:12 am

    Lucy – oops! didn’t finish what I wanted to say…I feel sadness and guilt with that…It seems people who are real players, don’t do guilt. You are not a player, you are diva rock star!

  396.  #396Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 10:14 am

    Yeah, the first time I slept with him was back when TN man and I were texting hot and heavy — and all I could think about was being with TN man while I was with D! It was horrible! I just don’t feel terribly attracted to D on a sexual/physical level. I feel bad about that cuz he’s way attracted to me that way. And he’s such a great guy. 🙁

    I would like to have sex with WH if he wants to — but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea.

  397.  #397Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 10:23 am

    Thanks Lizzie 🙂 Sorry your #1 date with twin wasn’t what you were hoping for 😉 hopefully tomorrow night will go better with #2…do I have that info right?

    Lucy I don’t think you are a player either…and I know what you mean by saying “but I’m not sure it’s a good idea”

    I have a feeling if I slept with bossman it would end up with the same outcome only I’d be more invested!

  398.  #398dorothea on September 2, 2010 at 10:23 am

    i’m about to go camping for a few days with LI. everything about this morning feels like a saturday..not going to the office, the tone of this blog (hilarious and empowering)…

    daria helped me figure out how to fix my bad temper. this is what i came up with when she reminded me that it’s all about babysteps

    first i leave the conversation instead of losing my temper.

    then after practicing that for a while, i don’t leave the conversation. I just keep my mouth shut instead of losing my temper.

    then after practicing that for a while, i move on to saying how i feel instead of losing my temper.

    i started practicing this morning. i caught myself losing my temper so i went into the other room. it felt really awkward but it’s better than saying mean things or hollering.

    i feel hopeful.
    i was feeling hopeless two days ago about never being able to control my temper again.

  399.  #399Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 10:27 am

    Hey Jason, what do you think? Would it be a bad idea for me to have sex with WH if he wants to????

    Dorothea, congrats on the temper thing!!! Yay!!!

  400.  #400Jilly on September 2, 2010 at 10:28 am

    yea Dorothea! Baby steps! have fun camping…

  401.  #401Daria on September 2, 2010 at 10:29 am

    dorothea – you are so sweet to blame all your learning on me. I feel so loved and appreciated and llike treasured. i lvoe you.

    now *#*#**#*#



    ill leave the comment box now

  402.  #402Nikita on September 2, 2010 at 11:28 am

    Hi Erika,
    Thanks…..I finally backtracked the comments and seem to have gotten a feel for what I thought I missed.


    I intend to email you 🙂

  403.  #403Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 11:29 am

    Hehehe. I am experimenting with making first contact on pof — just for the fun of it — when I see an interesting guy — and have something fun to say — because I don’t really care about the outcome at all right now.

    In this guy’s “Interests” section he wrote: “No jumping off of or out of anything.”

    So I wrote to him (cuz he’s mega handsome too), “What about jumping ON something? :)”

    (I have in mind, of course, a trampoline. Hehehe. MAYBE.)

  404.  #404Nikita on September 2, 2010 at 11:33 am

    Um….. I like hairy men 😉

    Trimmed below is satisfactory but…..I like hair.

    Then again I once felt repulsed by hair…..but now I feel a little repulsed at the idea of a hairless bodied man… a hairless cat….kinda cute but kinda creepy

  405.  #405Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 11:35 am

    Haha. He wrote back right away:

    “well i guess that would depend on what i was jumping on…does it have giant steel spikes sticking out of it???”

    I answered:

    “Nope! Perfectly safe and soft… like a trampoline, maybe…. Or in my case, I jump onto my bed from three feet away because I don’t want that dead girl from The Sixth Sense grabbing my foot from under the bed….”

    This is fun!!!!

  406.  #406Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 11:36 am

    I agree, Nikita. I wouldn’t want a man to look and feel like a little boy. Ewwwww.

  407.  #407Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Hehe. He wrote: “she wont grab it,,shes under my bed this week,,pain in the ass but its my turn??? you my dear are just adorable.”


  408.  #408Jason Miller on September 2, 2010 at 11:45 am

    320: AmberS

    This is where radiating femininity and sexuality comes into play. If you are being the woman that he wants to ravish, you will be ravished, assuming he’s a confident, masculine guy. You can’t really “do” anything to make that happen. He has to make the move.

  409.  #409Jason Miller on September 2, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    370: Mercedes

    Yes, the unibrow is not attractive. I had one growing up and now it’s gone from waxing. Men should groom their eyebrows, especially as we get older. Nose and ear hair trimmed and all that.

    371: Lizzie

    This concept of shaving pubic hair entirely for either sex is not appealing to me in the least. I prefer women with a full inverted triangle. (I fondly remember my Bulgarian girlfriend from grad school and my ex from San Francisco.) But I’m kinda rare these days. Women who are fully shaved or close to it are becoming the norm. My most recent ex had a landing strip and I didn’t think it did her any favors.

    Should a woman request I shave my pubes entirely, I would say no. I want us to go back to the 70’s when it comes to body hair. But then again, I’ve always been by far the hairiest guy around all my life (Ukrainian Jewish roots). I grow it everywhere. I’m a hair farmer. And for me to shave my pubes would look totally ridiculous. I’d have to shave every inch of my body too. And that ain’t happening. Trimming? OK. Shaving? No way! 🙂

  410.  #410Jason Miller on September 2, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    399: Lucy

    Should you have sex with WH? I don’t know the back story. Why do you want to have sex with him? What is your expectation?

  411.  #411Lizzie on September 2, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    OMG Lucy you are hillarious today!! I can’t stop laughing!!! I firmly believe this guy is going to ask you for a date

  412.  #412Lizzie on September 2, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    About these hairless lady parts – you can trust, that every menopausal woman feels like they have gone to heaven to allow for some reduction of the impact of the mighty hot flash! So this baby will stay gloriously hairless until that extreme heat is over – I have even taken to shaving the totally blond hair off my hands and feet! beeds of sweat running down arms, legs, brows…. need I say more??

  413.  #413Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    So this other guy I’m msging with ends up saying, “So are you always this coy or just making me work for it, so to speak? I might have
    given up, but your smile is rather disarming.”

    Give up. Please!

  414.  #414Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    “I firmly believe this guy is going to ask you for a date”

    Who? Jason?? LOL! (jk)

  415.  #415Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Lizzie, he (jumping guy lol) said he has to get back to work but wants to call me later. 🙂

  416.  #416Lizzie on September 2, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    yup! LOL!
    And then we all want to hear about the tramp-o-lean experience.

    I have no idea who Jason is. He seems to have appeared here bit I don’t know if he is looking to learn about the feminine state of women or what. He has given me a wonderful perspective on femininity and sexy. And now we all know he is a hairy masculine guy – thehehe – evil laugh…

    Let us know if your POF guy shows-up! Oh this is so fun…

  417.  #417Lizzie on September 2, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    OMG that is so funny!
    I must get back to work and do a meeting tonight – I will make a note of #415 so I can pick-up later tonight and see …. oh giddy excitement happening over here!

  418.  #418Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    Oooh, Jason and I have the same views on pubic hair! Maybe should make that one of their matching factors.

  419.  #419Jason Miller on September 2, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    416: Lizzie

    Hi, Lizzie. I like your evil laugh. 😉 I was invited over here by Erika. And I’ve been having a good time ever since.

  420.  #420Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Lizzie, Jason is a friend and mentee of Erika’s.

  421.  #421Jason Miller on September 2, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    418: Lucy

    Yeah, I’m certainly OK with a shaved woman, but I prefer natural. Most people don’t realize that the pubic hair is a repository for pheromones just like your arm pits. The hair is there to keep those essential compounds from washing away too quickly. It’s part of the natural unspoken sexual communication between you and men.

  422.  #422AmberS on September 2, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    I’m with Lucy & Jason re: hair.

    I used to think that guys who wanted women to be completely bare had a pre-adolescent girl attraction thing going on (ewww- gross). Now I figure is has a lot to do with porn. Somebody pointed out to me that in porn you want as little obstructing the view as possible.

    IRL don’t find that the view is obstructed by hair. Isn’t that a little like cutting down the trees so you can see the forest?

  423.  #423BarbinOz on September 2, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Good Morning from Australia ladies and Jason,

    Well it is a week since I emailed the 3 CD’ers and gave them my mobile number and so far no calls. I wonder if they could feel my “not interested” vibe through the airwaves or whatever its called like when Rori says turn your back and you may not even be in the same city but he feels it (the ones you are interested in), well something like that, can’t remember properly.

    I had the weirdest dream and woke up feeling really uneasy and my heart was racing, then I remembered I was PURSUING this guy in my dream and I was trying all my (old me) womanly wiles on the poor thing and he didn’t want anything to do with me LOL!! I must stop reading these blogs late at night. 😀

    Last night about 9pm I went to put the alarm on my mobile and have a message from one of the 3 CD’ers
    written at 2pm when I was at work.

    Hi Barb

    I was to call over the weekend and it never happened, sorry, can I call you now?


    Well of course I wouldn’t have taken a call at that time of day sitting in an open office, so how do I reply to this man?

    Where are the scripts on this site that I hear you talking about?

    2 more men have contacted me on POF but I haven’t opened their email yet, have checked out their profiles, no hearts pitter pattering, just OKish guys, both a little short…….sigh

    So do I reply to their emails?

    BTW Lucy I kinda agree with you about hairyish men, well I don’t like those hairy backs for sure or the gorilla type with big hairy hands LOL!! But it would really turn me off if a man had waxed his bits, don’t like mine gone either, it feels too childlike.

    My daugther is a beautician and does all kinds of waxings, mainly women, a few men who get their back hair waxed, but there is one man waxing she doesn’t do called Back Crack and Sack 😀

  424.  #424Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    @ BarbinOz….just a shoutout to say hello, thanks for writing back the other day….I’m glad you stuck around….

    @ all….men/man/men’s comments – check out Jason’s page and my cool very exciting oh my gosh I got to interview Scot McKay on new post….

    he says a lot of what Jason’s saying, differs from Athol on almost everything…but agrees on something that for me was Big….

  425.  #425Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Jason, I feel so hurt that you don’t know the back-story of WH!!! Boohoo!

    He’s the guy I had that long wonderful first date at the beach with and long yummy kiss … then I was shocked to not hear from him again….and then he told me it was because I don’t drink so he can’t see long-term potential for us even though “we are great together” etc etc and he doesn’t want to hurt me by continuing to pursue me if there’s no future . . . . so I emailed back and told him I felt open to seeing him again even without long-term potential and “What do you think?”

    He wrote back and said he was open to that, and that the next couple weekends were out, but “sometime in September would be fun. :)”

    So, that’s the back story (short version).

    Why would I want to sleep with him? Because he totally turns me on, just by looking at him. Because he’s the first man I’ve dated since my divorce that I would actually WANT to sleep with (as opposed to, “well, this one will do I suppose.”) The kiss we shared felt incredible. And I like him A LOT. I feel safe and joyful and peaceful with him. I don’t like the fact that he doesn’t see long-term potential with me, because he might’ve been somebody I could marry from my perspective (who knows, though — I’d have to get to know him more) — but I would rather spend more time with him under these circumstances than not at all.

    Just not sure if it’s a good idea to sleep with him. I wouldn’t want to mess myself up emotionally. I have a history of actually LOSING interest after I sleep with a guy — and every guy I have slept with has fallen in love with me and can’t get enough of me — but I am aware that WH could very well be the exception to that so I can’t count on it.

    He may not even WANT to sleep with me — on principle — he knows I like him and he likes me — but he doesn’t want to hurt me — and he may be wise enough to avoid sleeping with me for that reason. Who knows? Time will tell I suppose. But I’m wondering if I should make up my own mind before I’m with him again….

    What do you think, Jason the Hairy Hero???


  426.  #426Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Hey Amber….I totally couldn’t stand hair – in a Houston summer there’s plenty of sweating going on anyway…lol….I started it for me, and I keep doing it for me….but I just use an elec. razor one of those trimmer things they do guy’s sideburns with…so much easier!!!

    how are ya?


  427.  #427Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    “Most people don’t realize that the pubic hair is a repository for pheromones just like your arm pits. The hair is there to keep those essential compounds from washing away too quickly. It’s part of the natural unspoken sexual communication between you and men.”

    I did not know that! Oooh, now I feel even MORE sexy!! Yummy me!

  428.  #428Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Lucy, you are simply too voluptous, too feminine, too fascinating and have waaaaay too many men for us to focus on only one? you know….so yeah! for telling the story over….grins….

  429.  #429Jason Miller on September 2, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    423 BarbinOz

    Let’s rejoice knowing that body hair is different on everyone and we all have different opinions about it! So do what you want with your own and feel free to be attracted to whatever. Just know that, like any other physical preference, some will love you for it, some will reject you for it, and some might even find that they didn’t know they liked it till they experienced it.

  430.  #430Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    “I used to think that guys who wanted women to be completely bare had a pre-adolescent girl attraction thing going on (ewww- gross).”

    Actually, some do. I had a boyfriend in my twenties who said it would be fun to pretend I was a little girl and he asked me to shave. Ewww. I refused! Yuck! Ewwwww.

    The porn thing is true, too. My ex-h mentioned that to me — wanted me to shave to look like “them.” Hey buster, I wanna look like ME and you’d damn well better want me to look like me too!!!

  431.  #431BarbinOz on September 2, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    Jason #429

    Yes you are correct we are all different and I believe this man waxing is a fairly new thing for hetero sexual men.

    I see you are a Generation X’er whilst I am a Baby Boomer and come from a cold climate in the Northern Hemisphere with not much summer to speak of (England :D), our backgrounds and age group can also shape our ideas too.

  432.  #432Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    to be fair, Lucy…wasn’t he the one who wanted you to wear a wig too?

    See I am trying to keep up!

  433.  #433Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I hope something comes of that convo with Jumping Guy — just to take my mind off WH!!! That would be good.

  434.  #434Jason Miller on September 2, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    425: Lucy says:

    > Jason, I feel so hurt that you don’t know the back-story of
    > WH!!! Boohoo!

    Don’t cry. I’m trying to keep up. 🙂

    The alcohol issue stands out. He’s ending it with you because it’s more important to be able to drink with his future woman than see how it goes with you. Personally, I drink socially and enjoy beer/wine etc. If I was into a woman and she didn’t drink and didn’t judge me for drinking, that would be fine with me. I wouldn’t be concerned about conflict because I would be able to accept her desire to not drink. So that is a concern because he doesn’t accept that in you.

    Now, whether or not to sleep with him. It sounds like you feel the chemistry but you are not ready to assume the emotional risks of sleeping with him yet. So in this case, let him take the lead toward sex. You’re right, he could hold off and that would make your decision easier. What you need to focus on are what your values and boundaries are right now. Do you value awesome sex over the risk of an imminent breakup with him right now? Do you need to know that he wants a relationship with you first before you’ll feel good about having sex? Those kinds of things.

    Just pay attention to this alcohol issue. It might not actually be about the alcohol.

    > What do you think, Jason the Hairy Hero???

    LOL! I think I like the way you think.

  435.  #435Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Wow, Jacqueline, I can’t believe you remembered that! Yeah, he wanted me to keep mixing things up so he could feel like he was with different women. Yeah, he’s the one I was talking about going back to last week with Shannon. Gotta consider all the options, ya know????

    I meant, I was talking with Shannon about my going back to him — NOT talking about going back to him WITH Shannon, although I’m sure he would LOVE IT if I not only came back to him but also brought Simply Sexy Shannon along with me!!!

  436.  #436Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Jason — “Just pay attention to this alcohol issue. It might not actually be about the alcohol.”

    You mean it might just be an excuse he made up?

  437.  #437Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Hey, Lucy…I said it might be his version of it’s not you it’s me….but it was still nice. and yeah, I’m still hung up on Garden Guy….you’re a contradiction, like the starburst commercial.


    @ BIOz…..can you tell me what day and time it is there right now? I’m talking to an eft down under guy down there and I get really confused as to the time lapse – I thought it would be about 2 am. Fri there now??


  438.  #438Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Jacqueline, I’M hung up on Garden Guy or YOU are hung up on Garden Guy? I’m so confused!!!!

  439.  #439Jason Miller on September 2, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    436: Lucy

    Not necessarily a conscious excuse, although that is one possibility. If he’s been judged for drinking before, then that might be the root of it. Also, if he’s abusing or has a history of abusing alcohol in any way, that’s an obvious issue.

    But it could be just a subconscious wedge excuse he’s using to prevent getting attached to you and then getting hurt. Guys can be afraid of rejection and getting dumped too.

  440.  #440Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    @ Lucy…I am hung up on him….lol….he set off tons of triggers, etc. and then the convo jumped and I missed the ending. And it was about cheating….and that’s a subject I’m very interested in….AND I cannot make the jump between you’re still leagally married and dating – like do you tell guys that? It’s your business, but it’s very fascinating due to some of my own personal stuff. If you ever want to talk about it in depth, it’s some research I’m doing and I have an article posted on Divine Caroline about it.

    Otherwise, carry on, I’m okay with confusion….heeee

  441.  #441MASCULINEWOMAN on September 2, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    I have been reading for a while, wrote once but ended up losing the message when I tried to post so I had given up. I read #2 from Stilliwantmore and felt triggered. I feel it in my head, my chest and my hands. The story is somewhat similar to what I have gone through. I have a very hard time leaning back and have just reconnected with my bf whose number I had decided to delete because he was not calling (once per month). When we talk he tells me to call him. I reconnected after about 6 weeks and he asked why had I chosen to go into isolation. We went out two nights ago and I tried to use some feeling messages and some of what I have learnt and was really surprised about the response. He shared a lot and I learnt that he very much wants to be heard. He spoke about some of his sexual excapades and I got a sense that though he was being very nice with him he would still want to string me along. He has described me as negative in the past.Before I had turned off my phone he had called the house after a month to see what had caused that. I gave him a semi power speech “I am committed to marriage, I do not want to be in a disconnected relationship or situation where I would be with someone and sleeping in different rooms”. His response was that he was hearing a lot of nots. We have know each other for approx 15 years. He was married but his wife died 4 years ago. We have been together since last Jan and whenever I bring up marriage he says he does not want to after the struggles and betrayal of the 1st marriage. I have started to CD and he knows I see someone else. It is very hard for me to lean back but I am taking my baby steps. I am also trying to stay grounded in my body but that I am learning slowly. The problem I have is that I also read Christian Carter who seem to suggest staying in touch and not depending on the man to do things. Which is in contrast to Rori who says to lean back. I want the relationship to work so sometimes I get so confused. However when I deleted his number I felt like someone had dug a hole in my stomach, it was intense but I was proud of myself to take the step outside my comfort zone. He means a lot to mean and I am so physically attracted to him which is a feeling I don’t get with many men. I thank Rori for the work you do and for helping us ignorant women.

  442.  #442MASCULINEWOMAN on September 2, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    After I posted this I understood what Rori says in her comments. I am so nervous I feel vibrations in my stomach and my chest. I am literally shaking just because I decided to write.

  443.  #443Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    Wow, Jason, this really resonates with me: “But it could be just a subconscious wedge excuse he’s using to prevent getting attached to you and then getting hurt. Guys can be afraid of rejection and getting dumped too.”

    He said his wife “broke his heart” when she left. Also, that drinking was an issue in their marriage because she started out drinking with him and then had to stop because of going on anti-depressants and he said it became a problem . . . My therapist yesterday said that maybe she became resentful that he kept drinking when she couldn’t…..

    Jason, I love your brain and heart. <3

  444.  #444BarbinOz on September 2, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Hi Jacqueline different states are in different time zones though not quite as much as the USA, just an hour or two difference.

    Here in Sydney, NSW it is currently 6.51am and I should be in the shower, but oh no, I had to come back here to this island of Sirens LOL!!

    BTW couldn’t find the Scott Mc interview on your webpage but I DID find Lizzie’s wonderful post 🙂

  445.  #445Daria on September 2, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    I do not shave I just trim. I feel excited Jason is into this too. I am into it, and all my boyfriends that I thought had some “game” and I felt turned on by were into it.

    I like that in a man. Ok adding to my list of what I basically need in a man… turned on by me and my triangle

  446.  #446Jason Miller on September 2, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    441: Lucy

    Thanks, Lucy. So there is a theme of dependency on alcohol to enjoy oneself… Let that theme ferment and distill for a while… 🙂

  447.  #447BarbinOz on September 2, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    332: Lizzie says:
    I want to be ravished
    I want a man to step up bonk me on the head with his big stick and drag me into his cave and claim me for his own
    I want to be wanted
    In the kitchen
    In my office (well maybe not)
    In my living room
    In my car
    On the golf course…

    334: Lizzie says:
    want to walk in the door
    and immediately be gathered up in his arms
    and melted with the most passionate french kiss
    with a helloooo hunnnnnny, I have been looking for you all day….

    OH YES LIZZIE, you have no idea of how much your posts have resonated with me this morning, I just got back from my walk and was thinking about these 2 posts and you know I haven’t had sex for over 2 years (!!!!!!!!!!!) and the next man who I sleep with better be bloody good ‘cos I have got a whole lot of catching up to do LOL!!

    RIGHT get in the shower now Barb!! Better make it a cold one 😀

  448.  #448Jason Miller on September 2, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    443: Daria

    Here’s to the appreciation of the inverted triangle!

  449.  #449Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    Well, Jacqueline, as you know, I’m all about jumping!!!

    I consider myself divorced, and so does my ex-h. It is only a technicality because of his health insurance due to my cancer dx. He moved out of the house in 2001. That is a LONG time ago!! I only bring it up on first dates if they ask point-blank. Most men understand and accept the situation (especially democrats lol). Like TN man said, “Tell him you’re not really married” — because I’m really not.

    You know the movie Sweet Home Alabama? It’s kinda like that. EXCEPT she ends up going back to her first husband!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!

    Garden Guy is completely gone from my head. Yay!

    The ones still in my head are: WH, Jumping Guy (as of today! lol), TN man, my friend Tattoo Man, D, my ex-h (just b/c he’s involved with my kids and gives me stuff sometimes, like cars lol)… I think that’s it. Oh, I forgot 26. He’s not in my head, but he texts me several times a week.

    If you have any specific questions I’m happy to try to answer them. 🙂

  450.  #450Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Interesting, Jason… Maybe his ex-w couldn’t enjoy HIM without drinking herself…. and that’s why she ended up leaving. Haha, he doesn’t know (yet) that I have the ability to utterly enjoy him without having to drink and that I can be loopy and wild and free even without alcohol…. 🙂

  451.  #451Brenda on September 2, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    Yaaaaay! Bill just came to my desk for a relaxed chat! First time in a week! AND, tomorrow he said there will only be a few of us here so we’re going out to eat at a Mexican restaurant nearby! Yeaaaaaaaaay! Happy Bren!

  452.  #452Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Brenda, that’s so cool!!! Stay leaned back!!!!

  453.  #453Brenda on September 2, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Thanks, Lucy! I leaned back very well today! And I felt far more comfortable with him, just having processed my self-consciousness and physical position the other day on here! Yeaaaaayyy!

    I find it interesting that a big thing he discussed today is about an affair a couple had a few years ago here at the company! I pretty much blanked out my emotions from showing on my face, because I didn’t know where he was going with it.

    It was about a woman who was a supervisor, who scheduled her honey to get all the best overtime hours on her shift. Then she logged 3000 minutes in one month on the phone on company time talking with him, and she got fired.

    Not sure if he had a message in telling me all that. The only thing I got is you have to be careful carrying on a romance at work. And, it’s already clear to me that he is moving so slowly and discretely for that reason, which I respect.

    I feel very excited about going to the Mexican restaurant tomorrow with the group! I wonder if he planned it so he could kinda break the ice with going out with me away from work!?

    Leaning back takes a lot of patience! In the spring, a coworker who is a friend of mine encouraged ME to ask HIM out to go birdwatching. But I explained to her I am following the principles of a relationship coach. She said, “Oh, I’d just want to know up front if the feeling is mutual and get it in motion!”

    I am glad I waited. I feel really good about it when HE comes to MY desk! This is all new to me, using Rori’s principles, and it is solid, woman!

    Time to go home…

  454.  #454Jasmine on September 2, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    Hello, Lizzie!

    Thank you for thinking of me! I can’t get on here very often. I feel embarrassed telling all this stuff and please excuse me because I know it isn’t about relationships with men. But it is holding me back from relationships with men.

    It turns out my landlady misunderstood when she went ballistic Sunday night. She thought I was saying I can’t pay my September rent at all. I think she was drunk, and I think she is an alcoholic. Yesterday I saw her and she said so are you going to have half the rent on Friday?

    I felt confused, and I looked her in the eye and said it was my understanding that you wanted to whole rent Friday.

    She said no, that’s what you’ve been doing, right? Paying it twice a month?

    I said well that was the whole thing I was asking you Sunday, if I could pay half on Sept 3 and half Sept 10. It would really help, because my car payment is also due.

    She said that is fine. She looked like she wanted to give me a hug, and I didn’t feel like giving her a hug after all her emotional abuse and violating my boundaries.

    So now today I got home and she emptied most of a can of Lysol air freshener in my apartment. So after just restating my boundaries of requiring a 24 hour notice before she comes in my house, she came in and sprayed it.

    So I am currently sitting here with the door wide open, letting out all the air conditioning, to air it out, because I taste the Lysol.

    I feel angry, and I wonder if anyone has any suggestions what to say to her about not coming in my house without a 24 hour notice.

  455.  #455Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Oh yeah, I forgot about the Argentinian artist. Oops. He wants to call me tonight. And he wants to take a bus trip with me to see the autumn leaves. Hehe. He’s kinda in the same category as 26 — not in my head at all but he keeps showing up.

  456.  #456Lucy on September 2, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    Jasmine, I don’t know what to say about your landlady woes. I think they legally have the right to come in any time they want, don’t they? Not sure. My parents used to own apartments in their house… I know it can be a huge headache for the owners as well as the tenants. 🙁 Wish I could help in some way.

  457.  #457Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    Jasmine….I was/am an apartment manager for 20 years. Depends on where you are and what your lease says, if it’s an association – like the Houston Apartment Association here – a standardized form, or an individual owner’s lease, but yeah, as long as they leave you NOTICE they’ve been in there….they can show up. If you wanna ask specific questions you can email me @ Well, that’s my previous life….heeee… I’m a famous blogger/writer!


  458.  #458Jasmine on September 2, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    Thanks for your feed back. Every lease I’ve ever had says they must give 24 hr notice. So that’s what I demanded when I first moved in. It is something I discussed very professionally and I have a right to privacy and I take my rights seriously.

    I have had an injury and that is why I am behind on my housework, by the way. I am doing as much as I can but I can’t keep up with the dogs and all. But I think she smelled it because the dogs had diarrhea until yesterday after I started them on new dog food. I just swept and mopped throughout on Monday.

    I texted her feeling messages and more. I texted her I feel angry and disrespected. I also told her why the housework was behind, which I have told her repeatedly in the past. I’m doing my best. I also told her now I have to mop all over again so I don’t taste and touch Lysol for the next week, and I hope my dogs don’t get sick from having Lysol all over their bodies.

    I decided I am going to put new locks on all the doors and if she doesn’t like it, too bad. Plus I’m going to start looking for a new home.