Power And Animal Instinct

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On the path to the “vortex” near the end of a trail in Sedona, Arizona, this looked like a dragon to me – and I love dragons.

One of my favorite book series is Ursula Le Guin’s Earthsea series, where two heroines are the first of their kind to be both human and dragon.

It makes me feel many sides of myself – and here specifically human and an unlimitedly powerful and magical creature who flies.

What are your images of power and sheer animal instinct?

Love, Rori


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  1.  #1Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 7:07 am


  2.  #2Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 7:11 am

    Thanks Rori for provoking this thought that has never occurred to me. Now that I have started following you and engaging in tapping I have been able to consider that I have personal power. As such when I now think of power I have a clear image of raw red energy coming up from the center of the earth through my feet and into my body. And another of bright white light coming from above through my head going down into my body and meeting the red energy and both mixing on the inside of me giving me the power I need to create the life I want, beginning inside me.

  3.  #3Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 7:12 am

    At first glance at this picture I had an image of a child lying on his back with feet in the air.

  4.  #4tenny on December 26, 2011 at 7:24 am

    LIONS!!!! They are majestic strong beautiful yet still playful purry cats. Lions (especially the females) are sleek and sensual. Have you ever watched a lion walk in the zoo or on an animal special? OMG they are poetry in motion – they walk with power and grace! Their instinct to protect, play and seize represent a combination of both my boy and girl energy. A BIG deep melodious meow – yup that me!

  5.  #5tenny on December 26, 2011 at 7:27 am

    Oh, and I think dragons are cool. I love watching movies with dragons in them, even the first Shrek movie LOL. Feeling light hearted today – thanks for sharing the photo and the lovely post – thought provoking.

  6.  #6tenny on December 26, 2011 at 7:30 am

    I feel better today after having leaned forward with CDtennis on the phone last night. We made a connection – it was obvious by what he said to me last night. I hugged myself and knew it was okay to slip up and make a mistake like that – I’m still a siren in training. IMAGE – I leaned forward and almost slipped off my bridge!! LOL, I caught myself on the edge and now I’m back on my bridge, nice and safe, leaning backwards.

  7.  #7tenny on December 26, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Feeling curious… I bought “Love Scripts” a while ago, and I noticed the link for the new ebook. But I could not access it. Is there anyway to download the book even though I purchased the video months ago?

  8.  #8Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 7:34 am

    Now that I really think about it and what the picture spoke to me I realize it is embedded in my passion/purpose. I love being around children and feel absolutely energized by their energy. I have always felt responsible for standing up for those without a voice ahd have fought for their rights. Again feeding into my belief about having to fight for everything. Really opening up my consciousness about my childhood because my boundaries were always violated by adults. Wow talk about aha moment. I have never felt I had power now reading this post and tenny’s comments I am coming face to face with my weakness and some fears. I have even feared the power in lions (from afar) and other animals that seemed to have the ability to outrun me and run me down to hurt me. Even dogs, medium to large in size.

  9.  #9Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Now I am remember CCarter’s reference to the velvet hammer and Rori’s soft on the outside and hard on the inside. Femininity seems to require a lot of strength that I have never felt I had. A mixture of softness and steel, the kind of power that kind of scares me to consider. Am I afraid of my own power??

  10.  #10Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 7:49 am

    I love make believe…I used to play make believe that I was super girl and a mermaid…I see the boy and girl energies at play here…

    FW…I love the visual of red and white energies mixing

    Tenny…I totally agree the Lioness walks with confidence power and even sensuality…great image! 🙂

  11.  #11Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 7:58 am

    well…I think I ruined it with S 🙁

    A few nights ago he asked how many dating sights I was on and I said 3….then the next day I decided to take down my profiles…and I TOLD him…SIRENS!!!! I have never done this before…WHY!!! Then I was feeling all icky and vulnerable and insecure…so I put my profiles back on…(I didn’t mention anything though)…and he still has his up and never mentioned taking it off.

    then at 4:30 AM I get a Match winky…and he flips out!! So we spent 2 hrs talking and me re-assuring him..but my only “defense” was that I felt insecure…uggg…he keeps telling me to date other guys…we weren’t exclusive to begin with…but he said I made it worse by taking my profile down and then putting it back up.

    I agree

    We ended up falling asleep…then he wanted to have sex this morning but I wasn’t feeling close and I shared that with him…

    he seemed fine…and then out of the blue the whole conversation starts up again…so I went home..

    I know his feelings are hurt and he’s feeling mistrustful and on edge..I think it’s over

    I kind of feel like he’s over reacting…

    any thoughts??

  12.  #12Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 8:04 am

    I really like S..

    though I don’t know if he’s my one and only

    it’s too soon to tell

    the sex isn’t very good…and I know he feels insecure about his size

    so ya…it makes me think that there may be someone else out there to match me sexually

    but he’s great…he treats me sooo well…

    is that enough??

  13.  #13Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 8:08 am

    Am I feeling scared?

    Or am I following my animal instinct???

    There have been moments when we have been talking in bed and I have a “knowing” that this isn’t right…

    But I don’t want to stop seeing him..I want to move past it and see what happens.

  14.  #14Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 8:09 am

    Dang…I felt the truth when I wrote “following my animal instinct”

  15.  #15tenny on December 26, 2011 at 8:47 am


    I felt so sad when I read your post about last night and this morning. I feel that situations 100% because I’m ambivalent about letting my CDs know that I date others. I keep my profile up, but I don’t discuss it much or make a big deal about it. I just focus on the person I’m hanging out with. They see my profile is up, and if they go into it, they see I’m active that day. But I’m always completely there for each guy whether it’s a phone conversation, text, email or date. It’s a hard balance, I know. But I in no way have all the answers because I’m not sleeping with any of them, so I’m not quite at the stage you are at. I feel sorry that I am not able to help you more. Let me ask you to think about this though: What were you true reasons for putting the profiles back up? Maybe you are feeling conflicted about being available to date other guys because you really like S. Seems that you really need to face your feelings because maybe you normally would have felt like responding to him s#xually this morning but for the feelings you have not faced. I know you feel you hurt his feelings, but HOW DO YOU FEEL? It should be about you I think. You can connect with him. If he brought it up again, maybe you can keep one profile up (the one that results in the most responses), and keep your phone or computer where it does not send alerts that will interrupt your special times with him.

  16.  #16Nikita on December 26, 2011 at 9:02 am

    I keep my profile up as a way of 24/7 CD ing ( a very effortless way)…. I don’t actually pay attention all the time but I won’t take it down…..unless I’m married.
    – it just says to the universe…I’m available to any magic that you want to send me 🙂

  17.  #17Nikita on December 26, 2011 at 9:03 am

    I keep my profile up as a way of 24/7 CD ing ( a very effortless way)…. I don’t actually pay attention all the time but I won’t take it down…..unless I’m married.
    – it just says to the universe…I’m available to any love that you want to send me 🙂

  18.  #18Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 9:04 am

    Thanks Tenny

    I feel unsure about us…that’s why I put my profiles back up…I took them down to make him feel better and then I felt icky about that..

    but when I’m with him I feel really good…

    I am conflicted about dating other men 🙁

    I will no longer keep my phone next to the bed…I don’t have any thing to hide…but yes..I don’t need to add to the situation

    wow..I am in the soup…feeling swirly and dizzy with all the emotions…

  19.  #19Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Nikita..yes that’s how I feel about it too…

    Unless I’m married…

    Uggg…I feel so bogged down…it’s my own fault though..I was trying to take care of his feelings instead of my own…

  20.  #20Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Jilly for the first time reading your comments I felt icky. I might be being judgemental but I ended up saying ewww why would you want to be sleeping with someone that your inner knowing is telling you it is not right? That feels like lowering your standards and undervaluing yourself. Maybe waiting for the shoe to drop or allowing him to decide? Or maybe using him for now? because of the need to feel sexually validated? Aww gosh this feels so icky and judgemental and like am I unworthy or what I really want? Really bringing up stuff for me to heal.

  21.  #21Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 9:42 am

    In Reconnect Rori says there is no need to share your dating history or activity with men.

  22.  #22Jenny on December 26, 2011 at 9:50 am

    I think the main point is – allways follow what feels good for you. I have been doing that more and more and wow it really smokes out men/boys I should stay away from, and those I want to meet – give the chance to get to know me.

    I’m feeling very strong in my female power.
    Some days ago I got asked out on a date with a man; he was very hunting me down, I loved it. Anyway this was a man I never have meet in the real world. I have just talked with him over the internet. So the day before the date with him, he asked what plans I had for that day. So I just told him I had other plans – he keept asking about what kind of plans. So I just told him the truth, that I was having a date with another man and followed it with a feeling; “I feel good, it feels nice to meet other people. I feel strong and I want to keep my options open until a man commits to me and I accept it.”

    And this man totelly lost it, he told me he cant date a female who have dates with other men before she dates him. he told me that he only dates females who just dates him.
    And well, I just couldnt come up with anything good right then, so I just said; “Ok you have the right to think so. I wish you good luck and have a good evening” And I havent heard from him since…and it really feels good. No way a man will tell me what I can or cant do.

    Ok maybe I shouldnt have told him I dated other men…but on the other hand, why not? I mean a date is just a date.
    One of my sisters was like in horror when I told her this story: “Oh no, why did you tell him that? No one wants to know if a person date other.”

    And I feel how I start to think about this in my head…and NO, It dont matter what other thinks. I did what feels good for myself. And that is all that matters.

  23.  #23VW on December 26, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Lioness…I always felt connected to the Queen of the Jungle…:)

    Being a protector…I always had a presence…i appear to inspire “fear”…or “intimidate” others…with my personal power…i want to heal this perception…:(

  24.  #24tenny on December 26, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Jenny: Wow, that feel wonderful that you held your space and sent him on his way. I’m not giving up my CDing because it keeps me together and not needy and mushy.

  25.  #25VW on December 26, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Nikita #17

    wow…24/7 …you are my hero 🙂

    Last week, I made my profile available again after over a month…and took it off 4 days later…:(

    i panicked again…these men wanna talk to me pronto (good thing), want to meet me…and yet, omg…i realized i don’t have the time for that right now…:(

    i felt like a player…:( unreal…teasing men…:( sigh…

    i want to take care of my legal situation with my ex…before i start dating again…

    i hope that to be concluded by the end of January…that would feel sooo good…

  26.  #26Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 10:06 am

    VW I felt myself asking you “perfect timing”? after reading that comment.

  27.  #27tenny on December 26, 2011 at 10:07 am


    Thank you, I feel better now knowing that. I don’t have Reconnect because I’m not in an imaginary relationship anymore – I realized it was imaginary after ordering commitment blueprint 🙂 Sometimes I feel triggered when I listen to the parts of the programs direct at relationships because it reminds me about me and my ex and that I sometimes feel lonely (but I don’t miss him anymore, yea for me). So it feels good to be reminded that Rori has information in all her programs for each of us, regardless of where were are in the relationship timeline. Thanks for mentioning that FW.

  28.  #28Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 10:07 am

    Jenny I agree with you but I think a lot of times, in the moment, women tend to forget that they have options to either share or not to just because the man is asking and we are feeling guilty for choosing to taking care of ourselves.

  29.  #29VW on December 26, 2011 at 10:17 am

    Yes, FW…:) indeed…it appears so…

    yet, i feel uneasy for having a thought like “i need perfect timing”…because it would limit my possibilities…

    so instead of thinking that…i go on with my business and i certainly stay open to any man i meet during this time…maybe not the online thing (it feels a bit exhausting to me)…

    i still go out…and i still cd with men everywhere i go…i have given my number…been on a few dates…etc…i think is just the online profile that freezes me because of the amount of emails i receive…

    thank you for sharing your observation…it helps me get closer to my truth…

    warm hugs,

  30.  #30Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 10:18 am

    FW… 🙁

    it does feel icky not to feel sexually towards him…

    and I don’t need to share my dating with him or my profile stuff…there are just some things I can decided not to answer…

    I feel on the defense 🙁
    I feel confused

    I feel sad…
    I want it to be good between us…
    Is it me?
    Except I know when I really want to be with someone there is NO question…
    I feel achy inside…
    I don’t feel connected when we have sex either…

    BUT…what if my judgements are OFF…and he is great for me but I’m so used to dating a different kind of man…

    I’m wanting to feel more accepting and understanding
    I don’t want to feel defensive..and prove my “love”

  31.  #31tenny on December 26, 2011 at 10:19 am


    I also feel like a player sometimes. One day it feels good, then next it may feel icky. But I’m honest with each CD and that makes me feel best. If there are no sparks, then okay, but I keep them in rotation. I’m busy too so I only really get to go out dates about once every two-three weeks. However, I ALWAYS squeeze in a new CD like Rori describes in Targeting Mr. Right.

    I know you have to do what feels right to you, but if a CD comes along who really wants to take you out, please don’t deny yourself the opportunity to be taken out and treated to a nice time like you desire . . . after all, you are a siren!!!

  32.  #32Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 10:21 am

    FW…exactly!!! I feel guilty when I choose NOT to answer..when it’s really none of his business or when I’ve already answered and he keeps asking

    I feel icky just remembering…

  33.  #33Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 10:31 am

    I feel like receiving a winky from match is NOT a deal breaker…especially when he’s STILL on it!!

    regardless of if I took mine down and then put it back up

  34.  #34Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 10:35 am

    But there is more to it… 🙁

    If I felt happy I wouldn’t have put it back up and he knows that…

    I love this place….
    I love my defensiveness
    I love my icky feelings

    I want to feel vibrant and alive in a relationship

    I loved the way I felt when I woke up at cute skier guy’s house 🙂 I felt ready to take on the world

  35.  #35Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 10:38 am


    You see, in order to connect to a man’s heart, you need to speak from yours!

    Here’s a Tool to help you practice being the “poet of you,” so you can instantly mesmerize any man –


    Imagine you’re standing on a hilltop with a man you really like – maybe even love – and you’re standing in front of a gorgeous sunset.

    Imagine what it would feel like to not say anything.

    To watch the sunset with this man in silence. Do you have an urge in this imaginary place to make a verbal connection with the man? To touch him? To say something that will connect you? What would it be like if you just smiled?

    If you just felt that sunset down to your toes and smiled? What if you allowed yourself to feel the full amazingness of the sunset? With everything I know from my own life and from working with my clients, I know that the man who’s standing next to you when you feel the sunset down to your toes and smile at him will: Turn around and look at you.

    He will look at you, and he will try to get closer to you. Why? Because everybody wants to be near someone who is having an amazing experience!

    ***And every man wants to get close to a woman who is feeling something down to her toes.***

    Now let’s say he does smile at you. Maybe he says something like “uhhh…” while he’s staring at you.
    What is it you want to say? Are you going to be the “Reporter” of you and “report” what you see and what you think? Or are you going to be a “Poet” of you and express what you’re feeling?

    It might seem like it makes very little difference – but truly, it makes all the difference in the world to love and romance. This is why my Love Scripts program is so unbelievably helpful – I give you the exact words to use that make all the difference in a relationship or even any moment of contact with any man.

    So let me give you the words for this sunset right now –

    A Reporter would say “What a beautiful sunset.” She would say “It’s orange and pink and purple.”

    A Poet would say “I’m feeling all squishy and pink and shiny just looking at those lit up clouds.”

    She might say “I feel like a teenager back in my old room feeling all pink and surrounded with stuffed animals. I can feel my heart pounding being so close to you here.”

    The Reporter gets the friends, gets the business deals, and gets a few dates with a masculine-energy man.

    The Poet gets the romance, and holds the man’s heart in her hands.

    The Poet – to the man – seems confident.

    She seems comfortable in her own skin. She seems happy to be herself.

    The Reporter – to the man – seems smart. She also seems tense. She’s all facts, all business, all description.

    If what you want is a man’s heart, and not just his mind – I can show you how to quickly be the Poet of you.

    And how to be HIS Poet.

  36.  #36Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 10:39 am

    35 above is from Rori’s email.

  37.  #37Ella on December 26, 2011 at 10:39 am

    VW thanks for your response from the last thread.

    It feels good to bring it back to the list…

    I like this:

    I want a man I feel strongly attracted to and o be loved and adored.

    I have realised I actually don’t feel that attracted to toxic men anymore.

    I just want a man who it feels warm and fun with and we have good sex, cuddles, affection…

    That would feel good.

    I want that and maybe I can create some more of that for me.


  38.  #38VW on December 26, 2011 at 10:41 am

    Here is something I reflected/observed:

    when i made love to a “nice” guy…they fall in love…they treat you well…and for some weird reason, they don’t ask uncomfortable questions…you can be as diva as you want…i never felt judged by them…they were like kids in the candy store…

    the issue i used to have with them…is “boredom”…sigh…

    learning to be present and appreciative, and leaving through our hearts always will create wonderful experiences with these men…

    when i made love to a boy “playa” type…they become infatuated very quickly…immediately after the 1st sexual encounter they want “exclusivity”…they don’t want to share…and they have lots of questions for you…and then soon after judgements…

    since i’ve learned to heal many of my self-judgements around sexual intimacy, these judgements i seem to capture are their own self-projections; unhealed stuff about themselves (lying, cheating, not being who they say they are)…players are actually very sensitive inside…what we see outside is a false persona…so, when they fall in love…they act out…temper tantrums, blaming, passive aggressive…etc…very revealing to notice…

    and there also the “man” playa type…being doing it for a long time…they have a ‘code’ …J was one of them…kinda hard to break it…

    in either case, learning to be my authentic self, weeds out men/boyz not good for me…

    having sex early on with a good guy would not affect the relationship…however, if he is in the other two categories…yes, their self-judgements will be projected upon you…they key is not be affected by it…let them have their temper tantrum…express when it does not feel good…and walk away…they are hooked…:)

  39.  #39Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 10:42 am

    Jilly sorry if I offend or trigger you with this question, but what are your boundaries around sex? I remember that you said this relationship is only a month old. How are you building the emotional attraction before the physical attraction? I sense it might be worth your while to explore.

  40.  #40Ella on December 26, 2011 at 10:44 am

    I feel so flu-ey and achy tonight.

    But I haven’t moved off the sofa all day.

    And tonight I have ordered myself a hot curry with lots of chillis and lentils because that always makes me feel better when I have a cold.

    Feeling a lil guilty though cus other family did not want curry, and I had to pay a certain amount to get it delivered.

    Faily are cooking and I have some NVs about how family are judging me for ordering in food when I don’t have much money and they think eating the vegetables they are cooking would be better for me.

    But that is not what I (and my body) want.

    Hmmm, I love me.

    And I love my ability to take care of myself with or without other people’s approval.

  41.  #41tenny on December 26, 2011 at 10:50 am


    I love that!

  42.  #42Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 10:58 am

    ***And every man wants to get close to a woman who is feeling something down to her toes.***

    This statement really spoke to me.
    “I’m feeling all squishy and pink and shiny just looking at those lit up clouds. I feel like a teenager back in my old room feeling all pink and surrounded with stuffed animals. I can feel my heart pounding being so close to you here.”

    This feels inspiring to really experience life to the fullest. It also feels sad noticing how many lost opportunities I have had in the past. I feel my heart opening with compassion towards myself.

  43.  #43Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 11:00 am

    FW…no worries about triggering me… 🙂

    I like this question because I feel like I am doing things differently with S…usually it’s HOT PASSIONATE sex with two weeks…

    but I didn’t feel ready with S…but I know it’s because we DONT make out…and that’s what gets me going and close physically and emotionally.

    Sex without kissing feels like f***ng and I KNOW that’s why I don’t feel connected..we’ve only had sex 2 times…and he wants oral..but I don’t feel ready so I haven’t…I do stick to my boundaries…like this morning I would have felt bad afterward so I didn’t

  44.  #44VW on December 26, 2011 at 11:00 am

    This year was amazing and sooo revealing when it comes to dating…

    I am finally sooo aware of what is good for me…when it comes to boundaries…

    I said “no” to friends with benefits…
    I said “no” to casual sex…
    I said “no” to “hang out”…

    I say “yes” to…:

    Proper courtship to include planning dates – dinner, lunch, happy hour, coffee shops, deserts, walks, concerts, pick me up from the house after our 2nd date…
    Healthy intimacy…holding hands, kissing…and waiting on sex at least 4 dates…(okay, sexual compatibility for me is important).

    I feel so worth it …and ready to get the ball rolling in 2012!

  45.  #45Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 11:04 am

    awww…FW…I can feel you opening up…feels refreshing…

    I want to feel open too

    I want to feel like me again…

    I love my squishy, mushy feelings…slathering them in frosting right now…lovin em up

  46.  #46tenny on December 26, 2011 at 11:05 am

    I feel so cozy and warm today. In my pjs watching the “Godfather” doing laundry 🙂

  47.  #47Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:05 am

    Jilly now I believe I remember something similar in the past with another of you cds and I am wondering if you are expressing yourself effectively around sex. I am also wondering if you are focussing on melting into yourself rather than performance?

  48.  #48Jenny on December 26, 2011 at 11:05 am

    Yes I date all men who ask me out and dont scares me. I have been more and more good at picking up the red signs of warning in my guts.

    And I also have started to love when I got an email who triggers me: some men can really write so I got trigged. For example; A man wrote to me and basiclly said, “If you dont call me right now, I will stop writting you you, so now call me and show me you are a good girl”

    …Ok that kind of made me snarl in anger, I feelt so angry and like pushed down into the ground. ( I really hate when men tell me what to do and at the same time tries to make me fear “losing them”)

    I think I responded with: “I feel a little bit angry. I dont want to be told what to do. I dont want to call”

    And he wrote; “How come you are angry, call me and tell me, so I can make you smile”

    …and that sounded so funny, so I kind of forgot to be angry..but I still didnt want to call him, becourse he had treatend to stop write if I didnt, and that feelt like being black mailed. So I just wrote:
    “I feel a littel bit happy, I like your humor. I dont want to call you. Writting emails on this website feels good”

    The he was like; Happy? Are you a freaking psyhco, first angry and now happpy, you dont feel emotionall stabil, take your pills, and why do you keep writting back to me?”

    Ok here I did lost it a little bite…and I tried hard not to tell him wrong, and just live in my feelings and not let go of my space and hold my ground. I wrote:

    “I can understand you think so. Yes you are right I have feelings, I’m a woman with feelings. I keep doing what I want to do”

    And then he wrote something really bad, blocked me and I reported him to admin on that website.

    And I feelt so good about myself…ok I was angry down my bones, but I never attacked him – but I wanted, God knows how much I just wanted to tell him he was an ashole, a jerk. But insteed I just let the anger come, and just said how I feelt and what I wanted. Now when I have been bettar at it, I guess I could have write it even better, more poetry in there, but I’m still learning.

  49.  #49Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 11:06 am

    S bought me so much stuff for christmas…

    things that I love…

    he pays for everything…

    he opens my doors…

    he calls me sweetheart…

    he wants to be the man…

    he wants to make me happy

  50.  #50tenny on December 26, 2011 at 11:09 am


    Hope you feel better soon. Enjoy the curry dinner! Sounds yummy!

  51.  #51Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:12 am

    I want to feel touched and wooed and swept off my feet before getting into sex. That helps me to feel open and mushy wanting to fully surrend.

    VW I recently chose to respond with only a thank you to a reminder to a hang out invitation to be at a big party but chose not to attend. I remembered attending last year assuming it was an invitation to a “date” and ended up feeling ignored and leaning forward with blaming. That I felt fear around not attending I chose not to because I don’t want hang out with a guy that I obviously have feelings for and who have not been stepping up for most of the year. Thanks for sharing that.

  52.  #52Ella on December 26, 2011 at 11:12 am


    “This year was amazing and sooo revealing when it comes to dating…

    I am finally sooo aware of what is good for me…when it comes to boundaries…

    I said “no” to friends with benefits…
    I said “no” to casual sex…
    I said “no” to “hang out”…

    I say “yes” to…:

    Proper courtship to include planning dates – dinner, lunch, happy hour, coffee shops, deserts, walks, concerts, pick me up from the house after our 2nd date…
    Healthy intimacy…holding hands, kissing…and waiting on sex at least 4 dates…(okay, sexual compatibility for me is important).”

    Owww, me too, me too.

    Well mostly…

    Except the odd time maybe, he he, and I forgive myself for that.

    I love my naughty side.

    Feels good to know I am worth it though and that I am saying yes to things that raise my self esteem and feel good.

    That I am a high value woman.


  53.  #53Ella on December 26, 2011 at 11:14 am


    Thank you.


  54.  #54Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Jenny that felt like a little boy who would throw temper tantrums on the playground and gather up his toys and walk away if he did not have his way. I take it he was inviting your inner child out to play. Maybe I would have ignored that message. His comment “why do you keep writing back to me” is very telling. I would take that as a message/lesson from the mind of a man.

  55.  #55Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 11:17 am

    FW…I feel that I am “in” the moment with him…and I LOVE melting 🙂

    I am REALLY good at sex lol!!

    But I won’t perform for him…meaning…I won’t do things that don’t feel good to me…I’ve never had a guy ask for oral as much as him…and it’s when we aren’t even fooling around…just laying there…and I’m like “really, I’m not even aroused or anything”

    I’m used to men seducing me I guess…

    I don’t feel pressure to make a man cum…I have never really had to worry about it

    Or to be the BEST in bed…that feels icky to me…

    he wants to have sex at 3 am…when I’m sleeping…he doesn’t seem to want to at night..I get that testosterone is higher in the mornings…but 3 am??? 🙂

  56.  #56Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Jilly I guess I am hearing Rori’s voice in Reconnect so I feel triggered around “I am REALLY good at sex lol!!”. It suggests performing rather than receiving. She says we tend to focus on pleasing the man rather than receiving love and that good sex is about melting into ourselves.

  57.  #57Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:24 am

    Feeling pleasure down to our toes and really enjoying ourselves in the presence of a man are new concepts to me but it feels so liberating. I have only partially experienced it as I have been stuck expressing myself about how I felt when I asked and have been hesitant to just purr.

  58.  #58VW on December 26, 2011 at 11:25 am


    Aww…i love your softness and fluid voice 🙂

    My last close relationship recently…with “T” …i said “no” to friends with benefits after he had his tamper tantrum meltdown …and yes, i noticed i do have feelings for him …still…:( but, I left the door open to a friendship…and I meant it…

    when I use my Sireny tools in any room he and I are together…I feel soooo confident no other woman would capture his attention…is sooo scary to have this confidence…:) how i did it? practice…going out alone …smiling…feeling myself through my toes (like Rori says)…and just emanating vibrant energy…:)

    If I did it, anyone can do it!

  59.  #59Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:25 am

    Jilly thanks for exploring this with me. I am actually leaving really turned on just thinking about this, reminiscing on memories and typing about it. I am seeing my past mistakes so clearly. I am seeing where I missed it when guys were trying to make me happy.

  60.  #60Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Thanks VW. This is helping me to review my past history. Things have been different during this year with new awareness,

  61.  #61Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 11:29 am

    FW…I felt swept off my feet by S…everything leading up to actually being sexual…

    he’s great to cuddle with…

    yep…I feel a wall when it comes to sex with S…

    I can really feel it now…

    I can’t put my finger on it…

    if the sex was great I would feel that he was my ONE…this feels interesting

  62.  #62Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 11:31 am

    The sex with hotpilot was not good either…

    and sex with cute skier guy was AMAZING after we weren’t together…YES we had a few times of that lol…it seemed once he didn’t feel pressure of a relationship he turned into a porn star

    how can I heal this??

    how can I unzipper my heart and vagina around this?

    What needs healing?

    this feels good to ask…

  63.  #63Jenny on December 26, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Femininewoman; Yes, I’m feeling thanful for that man showing up and giving me a chanse to practice.

    And I’m learning to dont give long explainations to why. That just saying; “I want to” or ” I dont want to” is enough…thou I can feel a little bit confusing sometimes when my mind wants them both 😛

    I have also starting to practice feeling message with some of my oldest male friends…and that feelt so scary. I had thoughts of, “whoo, what if they notice I’m talking/writing in a new way? will they think I’m strange?”

    But none have said anything, they just keep talking/writting – and well I have notice they write more, ask more questions 🙂 So my next step is to start doing ti with my females friend too – feels scary :O

  64.  #64VW on December 26, 2011 at 11:36 am

    I know T is watching me like a hawk…

    Part of me feels flattered…the other feels sad…:(

    His resistance steams from his own insecurity and unhealed parts…i chose not to be his “mother” and/or “teacher”…cause that would turn me off and build resentment within me…

    yet, i keep staying open to him when he contacts me…staying warm and sweet to what feels good…and saying “no” to what does not feel good…

    each time i say “no” to what doesn’t feel good (like last minute invite with sexual innuendos), he acts out …i feel amused…i expressed in the past i want proper dating like he used to do it in the beginning…for his own reasons he is choosing not to…just yet…:)

    i keep the focus on myself…i sigh a lot…take deep breaths…and believe the right man for me is just around the corner…:)

    hmm… as i say this i notice feeling sad that he may not be that man…:( [sigh]

  65.  #65Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:36 am

    Jilly I believe the answers lie within you. It might be a wall that you have inside you around sex. Where are you feeling pressure around having a relationship? Where are you using sex, maybe, to build a relationship? What are your beliefs about what you need in a relationship? Have you practiced bringing your thoughts down to your pelvis and shutting down your brain when you are in his presence? Do you believe you need to break up to having amazing make up sessions?

  66.  #66Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 11:39 am

    yay FW…thanks for exploring with me 🙂

    I want to feel seduced!!

    That’s it!…with S I feel like I HAVE to do something…and I don’t like that feeling..it feels un-natural..

    When I say I am good at sex..it means I am good at melting..and loving and feeling good and soft and mushy and juicy and open and receiving…all the good stuff…and teasing

    not trying to make him do things or me doing things FOR him…no sex is all about me which makes him CRAZY usually…

    I don’t like feeling like I need to DO for him in bed….that is my “disconnect” I put my finger on it

  67.  #67Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:40 am

    VW I believe we can all transform ourselves into that right person.

  68.  #68Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:43 am

    So Jilly maybe you coud now flip that thought? Men do what they want to do. Why are you feeling that you need to do for him and is that thought true? What can you do for yourself to feel seduced? Is there an image of being/feeling seduced that you could hold in your mind that could do that for you? Can you give that to yourself? How would you feel when you have that? Can you hold on to that feeling to replay it every time you need it?

  69.  #69Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 11:45 am

    Thanks FW!!! 🙂

  70.  #70VW on December 26, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Oh, wow…It’s not “T” the one I have feelings for…is “K”…

    Hmm…it’s true T has been contacting me wanting to start where we left off…i said “i feel open to reconnecting with you…in the context of proper dating…” He said yes…so, will see…

    Last weekend, after I declined a last minute invite from K and he threatening me to “delete” my number for not being a good friend…he txted me on Friday nite while I was out…saying “I am coming over…”…

    I didn’t respond till later with a “?”…and after i got some nonsense message…which reminded me of a man who is drunk (incoherence, misspelled words)…:(

    So, the only time he had the balls to fight his fear of rejection is when he is drunk…:( which goes hand in hand with my theory regarding his insecurity…sigh…sad…:(

  71.  #71Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:54 am

    VW how does that look in the context of people’s reaction to your personal power? Could that trigger his insecurity?

  72.  #72VW on December 26, 2011 at 12:06 pm


    Yes, it does…you see…i am no different from what i was in the beginning when we met…what changed is him developing feelings for me and because of his fears he found many ways to sabotage it…just like i used to in my past relationships…

    He is my mirror in many ways…and I feel certain I am also his mirror…the only difference between us is that I learned to accept and embrace my shadows…he did not…that is where the projection of his insecurities comes from…

    He and I are very much alike…charismatic, energetic, people person, creative, fun, smart…commands a room, lots of personal power within himself…:)

    It is possible he judges himself for the personal power he owns…like i used to…in his case comes off often as anger, judgement of others when he doesn’t get his way, …and I used to be like that…

    Personal power steamed from an open healed heart is different than a personal power steamed from a closed unhealed heart…sigh…

  73.  #73Daria on December 26, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Power and sheer animal instinct –

    Rainforest – plant!

    Flash green adrenaline – bright yellow

    Wet like frog

    Smooth like cat

    Cute like bunny

  74.  #74Daria on December 26, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Lion bear turtle

    Bird gliding


    Skunk raccoon

    One legged aloof egret

    Fun crows

    Desperate squirrel

  75.  #75mali on December 26, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    VW, I don’t think you saw this, so I wanted to post it again 🙂

    Mali #97:

    I’ve been waiting on you to share this heaviness and limitations…

    This takes a lot of courage…u are now beginning to open up the “can of worms”…for being released…and healed…

    It is scary indeed…I was you in many ways…:) wished I had the tools and awareness I have now…:) but oh, well…

    I feel joyous through your healing and your youthful success…and hope to be there for u each step of the way…

    Warm hugs,


    I feel so much appreciation, and happy, and safe in reading your post. It feels so scary stepping out on my own… when I abandoned my course in Pharmacy after two years, I had to face a lot of sadness and anger at home, and it felt so bad… I know that I’m very courageous, but in that situation, I really had to not only trust my instincts, but also follow through with them, despite seeing how much pain it was causing my parents…

    I felt guilty for causing them so much pain. Especially for my mother who lives through me, and who wants me to be “perfect”.

    With all of this comes the fear of being abandoned by my family, even disowned- I always have to bear that in mind. Because these decisions don’t just take into account mine or my family’s opinions, but also those of the community, as the reputation of my family will be affected too.

    It feels really scary. and so I feel like their love for me is conditional. And that is the root of fear of intimacy for me. Because I closed off from them emotionally as a child, I find it difficult to truly depend on another person… I’m very sensitive and really love lots of affection.

    But on the otherhand, I’ve always known that I’ve seen the world differently. I’m much wiser for my age, quite spiritual. And so, although part of me hopes that I can find a partner from my community (I know that some could well be compatible with me… and even so, I may be surprised. Maybe they’re actually not as close minded as I think… Maybe I can flip this…), a big part of me is telling me that it would be far too easy for that to happen.

    I don’t know if that is my wisdom, or intuition talking, or that I’m just being realistic or sceptical (?) But it wouldn’t surprise me if I ended up with a man who loved me- for ME- who was not from my own community.

    And the fact that the majority of my friend are- forget not from my community- but are also not even asian; many aren’t even Muslim, tells me that I don’t feel comfortable with my community. I feel judged. Maybe I can heal that…

    But VW, I can’t express how go good it feel to know that you are here. I just feel a lot more reassured, and it reminds me that I need to trust myself.

    Thankyou for all of your love and support, dear <3 Love you!

  76.  #76VW on December 26, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    Hmm…now, that i spoke up about my judgements of him “insecure, playa…”

    I commit to changing my perception…

    I believe in healing…I believe in being a positive catalyst influence…

    I believe I inspire a man to change…any man…including him…

    I believe my man – the best man for me – is charismatic, commands a room, fun, sense of humor, smart, creative, driven, generous, open, adores me, faithful, honest, truthful…and I can hold the “space”, the in-between space- so that this man, my man, can step it up on his own time …the best time for both of us…

  77.  #77Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    I like the following comment which I recently read on the blog of a male dating coach. I take it to mean already happy, on horseback and on the path.

    “…”Your man hasn’t found you yet, which means that he is giving you the gift of time. Use it wisely, so that you are ready for him when he finds you.” ~ That East Asian Man


  78.  #78VW on December 26, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Oh Mali, thank u for your post and the love 🙂 I feel very connected to you 🙂 Sigh…You mirror my younger self…

    About family…the fear of being disowned…:( I’ve seen it happen in the mus*lim community more than any other religious group…:(

    And yet, that is a term used…cause technically, any relationship dynamic based on pretenses…inauthentic…there is no relationship in the first place…so, in a sense…u are disowned anyhow for not being encouraged to be who you are meant to be…

    My mom had high standards upon me…i married with the 1st one who asked me to marry because i was sick and tired to hear her how much i disappointed her with my choices…(i was in college and a gf was sharing awful and some untruthful stuff ab me)…My mom was and still is at some level concerned with what “people” think of her and her daughters…I was the oldest and as you well know, there are high expectations from everyone upon the oldest child…

    Anyhow, I would encourage you to notice when you begin to find excuses for her/them…and learn to embrace your personal power and speak from it…

    coaching would help you to express yourself in a way that would calm their fears (because that’s what is the root of it all) …yet, still standing by what feels true to you…

    you can never win if you speak from a defensive stance (with anyone for that matter)…once you truly believe that what you decide and do is the best…then you will command the interaction…they would feel amazed and trusting…

    and you are doing wonderfully thus far…

    and if they disown you…well, so what?…i leaved alone among strangers for 17 years…i think i am honestly better off than being in a toxic dynamic…called ‘family’…

    okay, that’s me…:) you will find your own way…an even better way than mine…i feel certain!

    lots of love beautiful 🙂

  79.  #79sensual on December 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    Hi Sirens, Happy beautiful holidays to you all, I have been reading this blog for a long time but i’ve always felt shy to write… It’s now my new years resolution to join you all and to transform into the feminine energy, floaty, breezy, sensual siren that I will be….and why wait til new years to begin! I have felt difficulty in expressing feelings and accessing my femininity for sometime and whilst beginning to use Rori’s tools and feeling better and more open to it, I met a wonderful man who is full of feeling and I fell deeply for him. On the day he told me he had chosen to be with someone else (his ex) he said this: He felt it was the right thing for him to give things one last try with her, but also that he logically knows he should be with me, I am beautiful, smart, the same religion as him (she’s not and she doesn’t have a job), but that he can’t tell what i’m feeling and that me and him are so similar, such do-ers, such high achievers and that he has conflict with her because she is lazy and does nothing, but he realizes that how he feels when he’s with her is peaceful and that she is able to just “be”, he gave me advice to be more present and to go with how i’m feeling in the present moment. Everything rori teaches! Needless to say, I felt so hurt because these were the things I was working on already, but I can only take this as a learning lesson to continue on this path and to feel the blessing of having learnt this lesson, the sadness of having lost someone I felt could be the one and who took 6 months to consider me too, and to feel the hope that this journey will bring me someone better or bring him back to me when I feel truly ready for him. I love reading all your posts, you are all truly inspiring and I feel hope and love that you all will get what you wish for.. Happy holidays

  80.  #80Daria on December 26, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Sooo – just to get clear – we look at the sunset, feel it

    THEN TURN TO THE MAN and smile.

    Not smile looking at the sunset/movie/in the distance…


    Also I still feel scared to say something like I feel squishy and pink…

  81.  #81Daria on December 26, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    My CD is standing me up… There’s a text from him this morning, but no calls about our date in 20 min.

    Good cuz I’m feeling pooped! I’m not ready to go on our beach date adventure right now… Or I wasn’t… It’s starting to sound more fun…

    But I want to watch a movie w my parents too…


    So glad I’m not resentfully getting ready for it…

    What if he just shows up no confirmation?

    I’m thinking he’s insecure cuz I didnt respond to the text – which is like a hoe are you, not about the date….

    I don’t feel like responding to my texts right now.. If ever… I don’t text really… Just when I feel like it…

  82.  #82Daria on December 26, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    I want to do dates like I have been feeling so taken care of… And… I want a massage… Even more than food or smoke

    My friend says he knows the guy who gave me a massage at massage envy… He’ll give me discounts… Hehe

  83.  #83Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 2:02 pm


    In This LIVE Teleclass You Will Learn:

    ~ The #1 Secret To Increasing Your Connection and Intimacy
    ~ A Powerful Method For Dissolving Conflict Quickly
    ~ The Biggest Mistake Most People Make That Sabotages Connection and Creates Friction…And How To Avoid It.
    ~ A Daily Practice For Amplifying The Love You Experience In Your Life

    This online event is completely F.R.E.E.

  84.  #84sensual on December 26, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Hi Sirens, Happy beautiful holidays to you all, I have been reading this blog for a long time but i’ve always felt shy to write… It’s now my new years resolution to join you all and to transform into the feminine energy, floaty, breezy, sensual siren that I will be….and why wait til new years to begin! I have felt difficulty in expressing feelings and accessing my femininity for sometime and whilst beginning to use Rori’s tools and feeling better and more open to it, I met a wonderful man who is full of feeling and I fell deeply for him. On the day he told me he had chosen to be with someone else (his ex) he said this: He felt it was the right thing for him to give things one last try with her, but also that he logically knows he should be with me, I am beautiful, smart, the same religion as him (she’s not and she doesn’t have a job), but that he can’t tell what i’m feeling and that me and him are so similar, such do-ers, such high achievers and that he has conflict with her because she is lazy and does nothing, but he realizes that how he feels when he’s with her is peaceful and that she is able to just “be”, he gave me advice to be more present and to go with how i’m feeling in the present moment. Everything rori teaches! Needless to say, I felt so hurt because these were the things I was working on already, but I can only take this as a learning lesson to continue on this path and to feel the blessing of having learnt this lesson, the sadness of having lost someone I felt could be the one and who took 6 months to consider me too, and to feel the hope that this journey will bring me someone better or bring him back to me when I feel truly ready for him. I love reading all your posts, you are all truly inspiring and I feel hope and love that you all will get what you wish for.. Happy holidays

  85.  #85mytrio on December 26, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    … hi girLs 😀 …my name is Julie … wOW! is aLL i have to say … havnt told my story yet … lol… my heart is beating soo fast ” just” writing this! … where ohh where… is my xanax

  86.  #86Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Hi Mytrio your heart is beating fast because it wants to open up and shine its brilliance to the whole world.

  87.  #87Starla on December 26, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    i’m not sure about this question. i really identify with dragons too. i have a dragon ring and dragon navel jewelry with jewel eyes.:) the picture is way cool.

  88.  #88mytrio on December 26, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    😀 FEMiNiNE WOMaN 😀 o m g osH!!! yOU knOW mE! … wHat eVer …”iT …iS … you got ” iT”… gURL!

  89.  #89Daria on December 26, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    Deer and owl

  90.  #90Daria on December 26, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Oh I did the Deer Exercise last nite and my burning desire of desperation felt soothed. Mmmm

    I feel more peaceful .

    I still want a massage I can soothe that with a couple hours of stretching…

    I want to do that! Maybe w a cd it would feel easy… Hmm…

  91.  #91mytrio on December 26, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    😀 FEMiNiNE WOMaN 😀 o m g osH!!! yOU knOW mE! lol … wHat eVer …”iT …is… you got ” iT”… (im really scared writing on here:) i feel alill spazzZ … thankyou fw

  92.  #92Ella on December 26, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    I wish the deer exercise would work for me.

    And that I could be as spiritual as Daria, and often those methods just don’t resonate with me.

    Sometimes they do, and I wish they did more.

    And often I feel sceptical.

    I feel jealous of your beautiful, magic sprituality Daria.

  93.  #93Ella on December 26, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Hey Sirens,

    A younger man contacted me on POF and said that he knows he is out of my specified age range and he just wanted to say I look beautiful.

    I replied this

    “Hello ….,

    It feels nice to hear from you and thank you for the compliments.

    Yes a personailty always helps 🙂


    He replied something about on that note he wished me all the best for the future.

    I felt weird and replied that it felt weird as I thought he was opening communication.

    He replied back

    “Oh right, sorry, typical man misreading the situation.

    You just seemed blunt and wasn’t sure if you wanted to chat….

    So how was your Christmas day?”

    Sirens, this is exactly what I find often with my FMs and leaning back.

    Please tell me what you think.

    Is my message blunt or in any way communicating that I don’t want to talk??

    Makes me feel confused.

    And want to lean forward with men.

  94.  #94Starla on December 26, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    hmm ella men are sooo analytical sometimes, trying to gauge if you want to be left alone or not. ironically, leaning back more completely is the antidote. the fewer the words, the better.

    “thank you for the compliment. it feels good to hear from you.”

    now it’s just wide open for him. 🙂

  95.  #95Ella on December 26, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Hey Starla,

    How are you Girl?

    I read about your rough patch a little while ago and how you got through that, which was great to see. How you can weather the rough patches now.


  96.  #96Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    Ella I would experiment with the it feels nice and thanks for the compliments next time. It might be just the signing off with your name that caused that, though each man is different. I have left out my name until they ask and sometimes it takes 3 to 4 rounds for them to ask that so I get a chance to practice several feeling messages.

  97.  #97Starla on December 26, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    Hey Ella, I’m feeling strong but kinda freaked out after spending a lot of uninterrupted time during this stressful holiday/birthday season with CF and having a couple of conflict moments with him. we worked through them but i feel exposed and humiliated and like i must look like a crazy person and anyone he tells it to is going to tell him i’m no good for him.

    blah blah blah i do not want to lose myself in that man, etc.

  98.  #98Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    Ella I should also add that if you look at it as a outsider you might also get the sense of formality from the beginning Hello and then the ending with the name. I am talking about perception here, starting and beginning of a letter, maybe with a penpal. Maybe he needed you to somehow create an opening that he step into? Maybe some kind of question in his mind? Mayabe just a feeling that he could be curious about.

  99.  #99Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    Starla/Ella sometimes I think it is the leader male instinct that kinds of get cut off when we offer more than a response to what they asked. Like deer in the headlights. They get startled and don’t know what to do.

  100.  #100Starla on December 26, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    and wow i guess what’s going on is i feel responsible for his happiness, because i notice how drastically different he looks and feels when he feels like he is making me unhappy…i noticed last night that he cares so much about keeping me happy that he gets defensive trying to prove to me that he is trying to make me happy. it was kind of funny, and not necessarily in a bad way…just interesting to notice. i actually had room to notice how he reacted to different kinds of things because i was using Rori’s tools and not just freaking out.

    he got very afraid…he got really concerned that i was no longer into him when i got upset, rather than staying focused on making me feel better. it made me feel so much worse. i go through this with all my guys if we date each other long enough, so i wonder what that’s about?

    actually i’m noticing now that i’m saying all this, that he doesn’t handle conflict nearly as well as i had hoped. umm but at least he does actually handle it, he doesn’t try to tell me not to feel a certain way. but i felt like i was on my own. i started out being the upset one and it turned into him needing reassurance from ME while i was upset….ummm…i really hated that, what is that about?? i felt so closed off and turned off

    i remembered, after a good chunk of time feeling turned off, about Gina and D (if you remember her from when she used to post here). And Daria said something like 90% of the problem of feeling ‘turned off’, and feeling like you’re fighting for ownership of the girl energy in conflict and disconnection with your man, can be solved by leaning back. i noticed how much i was leaning forward in so many ways to cope with the discomfort and guilt i felt from feeling turned off. so i leaned as far back as i could, even though it felt so uncomfortable. and then after some time, i started to feel turned on and magnitized to CF again today. and he started to take back control of our experience together.

    it feels scary to think i’ll have to fight him for the feminine energy in conflict times. i don’t want to think about it like that. actually, wow, i don’t have to fight for the feminine energy. i can just have it, even if he has it, too. the problem right now isn’t that i’m fighting him for feminine energy rights, but more that i am wanting it to be “okay” that i am not fussing over him and that i’m outgirling him. but yes of course it’s okay. I AM A GIRL even if he is acting like one too.

    i want to heal this in me…i feel appreciative that this thing about gender energy balance came up again because it’s definitely not healed. it is a big sore spot in my existence actually.

    when i leaned back today instead of leaning forward to compensate for the guilt i felt of feeling turned off, i felt sincerely turned on by him, this wonderful man, again. this felt very different from intellectually noticing if the original offense has been “made right” and if the score is settled enough for me to feel turned on again.

    leaning back is sooo healing for me. and then after a while, men start to feel at ease in our presence because we feel at ease.

    i just rambled a lot but i am feeling more clear now on the merits of leaning back in relationships and not overfunctioning

  101.  #101crystal eyes on December 26, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Lots of interesting posts today

    Loved the conversation Jilly and FW around sexual healing. I too want to “Unzip my heart and vagina”.

    I feel uncomfortable writing that.

    I met singing CD for a short visit snatched from Christmas family time. We kissed , (third meeting first kiss) . He said “oh you are as nervous as me” .

    I felt myself “empty” of any response repertoire. The old me would have easily filled the uncomfortable moment with teasing or a segue into more intimacy ..
    I would have been so melted so fast ..I would have been deep rich honey flowing….

    I felt anxious.
    I felt sad.
    I felt uncertain.
    I felt turned on.
    I couldnt melt.

    Part of me wants to “practice” unzipping with this man, at least sexually.

    Part of me knows he is not ready for the relationship that I want long term (hasnt got his family sh@t together-kids etc, very focused on rebuilding finances after divorce payout etc) BUT he is a good man and kind and would be a good CD to practice “unzipping” with.

    I feel scared to let physical feelings lead.
    I feel frightened that my heart will follow too soon and it wont be the relationship that i want .

    I havent yet “tested ” my Sirenity and I dont know if I can remain focused on ME or not if sex starts to happen.

    I dont TRUST my feelings enough. And I guess i am judging that he is not stepping up enough to make me feel safe to unzip ANYTHING.

    Perhaps I DO trust my uncertain feelings, and I DONT trust him?

    He could have arranged a proper meeting yesterday when i was in his town (over 2 hours away) and he didnt. He was being “easy going” and “spontaneous” . He texted me good morning , i said I was grabbing a coffee. He texted ” can i join you” . I texted , “sorry on my way to family’s house. ”

    He had asked me the day before “what next” and I said “I dont know” ..no suggestion, date invitation or phone call followed. He texted me only . Text slacker guy.


    I also have a very lovely date planned in another city next weekend with Gallery Man.
    In total contrast , he has discussed the outing , booked the restaurant, arranged parking for me…ummm..and we havent met yet . He phones twice daily and is overtly keen to interest and engage me.

  102.  #102sensual on December 26, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    Hi Crystal Eyes, I shared my story twice today and introduced myself but I felt sad bc it went into moderation both times ….. anyway I feel to continue to post and i’ll share my story another day.

    I laughed at your text slacker problem – i get this often and this morning in fact I texted back saying that i’d be happy to meet for a drink on wednesday but “feel free to call me to arrange something” …..I felt unsure if this was too suggestive / leaning forward asking him to do something, but he called me immediately and apologized for having only been texting me and I laughed and said thank you I appreciate the call, it feels better to speak as well as text.

  103.  #103Starla on December 26, 2011 at 4:30 pm

  104.  #104Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Crystal Eyes…I felt uncomfortable writing that too 🙂 lol …it’s good practice…and when I do write things like that I feel liberated lol

    I just got back from a CDfriend…he is a total seducer!! He is the best kisser EVER! That’s all we did…and I just let myself melt…melt …melt..yum!! He took me out for lunch and movie and held me the whole time…

    I haven’t heard from S today 🙁 I kinda wanna text him “I’m sorry” or something…

    Ella…I LOVE that you stayed on the couch all day…and then ordered in!! That feels so brave..especially when feeling judged? wow 🙂

  105.  #105Daria on December 26, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Ella – have you tried the deer exercise and it didn’t work for you?

    i feel a lil surprised, worried, and curious…

    for me it works, immediately and on a body level – i feel soothed, im not having to put effort into Believing it to be working… (and i do put that effort in lots of times with other tools)

  106.  #106Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Starla…thank you for writing that

    I can relate a little bit…

    S wants to make me happy so bad…I was commenting/asking about his love languages last night and he got defensive..I kept reassuring him that there wasn’t a right or wrong.

    I feel like I’m reassuring him that his wiener is big enough, and that I like him.

  107.  #107Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    I felt guilty today eating out and going to the movies when I “think” I should be working to “earn” money..

    I no longer believe I have to struggle and work hard for it…too many things have happened in these six months for me to believe that..

    but I still worry and feel guilty sometimes

  108.  #108Daria on December 26, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    i feel a lil sad and upset. i feel like im being judged,

    i feel angry

    im feeling pouty faced

    im feeling misunderstood and judged and not heard and pushed aside


    i love my feelings

    i love myself

    i feel disappointed

    i feel insecure

    i love my disappointed and insecure

    i feel frustrated.

    i feel like disconnecting, getting stony.

    thoughts like That are coming in: “who cares if they think it wont work for them without trying it, who cares if they think the tools are woo woo, even this one which is a physical body tool and works on a body level not even on a mind make believe level that much.

    i can just be glad it works for me, close into myself and ignore them

    i love my thinking

    i just want to honor it

    thank you

    and im open to healing this

  109.  #109Daria on December 26, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    now my guts feel hot, my chest feels hot up into my face pinching my skull

    i love my feelnigs

  110.  #110Daria on December 26, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    I feel so angry to have my awesome tool jduged and thrown away without even being tried!

    i feel furiosu!

  111.  #111Daria on December 26, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    omogsh i feel so helpless!

    i feel so mistrustful and so


    and also desperate sink down to knees heartbreak dragging on someone’s ankles hot

    i love all my feelings


    i feel like im stuffing my feelings putting a blanket on them

    i love ALL my feelings

    even my ‘stuffing’ feeling


    going numb

    i LOVE my feleings

  112.  #112Jilly on December 26, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Crystal Eyes…this is key…great awareness 🙂

    “I dont TRUST my feelings enough. And I guess i am judging that he is not stepping up enough to make me feel safe to unzip ANYTHING.”

  113.  #113Daria on December 26, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    realized from this one CD that was pressuring me to meet right then what it feels like when i do it – even in vibe

  114.  #114Daria on December 26, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    he apologized now aww

    he might come thru and chill

    i feel a lil tense i love me

  115.  #115Zara on December 26, 2011 at 8:07 pm

     Byron Katie …. …But the stressful thoughts, like there’s something to fear, those thoughts, now that is a breach of intimacy. There’s no intimacy when we’re in fear and there’s no love when we’re in fear, it’s there it just that our awareness of it is broken. So we experience this separateness, so what I invite people to do is to identify when they’re stressed out and they look at their relationship, you know love and sex and what we’re all talking about here in this particular time together. We look at what we’re believing about our partner, and that either turns us off or it turns us on, physically. So what we’re believing, our feelings are the effect of that. In other words everything we experience emotionally is the effect of what we’re believing. So we’ve tried to change our feelings and change our feelings and it doesn’t work as long as we’re believing those unquestioned stressful thoughts, those thoughts that separate. So I bring a very simple, as you mentioned earlier as well, a very, very, very simple way of understanding and it’s a, it’s, you know, anyone whose mind is open to it can do this.

    Chip: So you’re really saying that pretty much all suffering is caused by our mind, our thoughts.

    Katie: A hundred percent of it.

  116.  #116Zara on December 26, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    “””Katie: Yeah, and six tootsies came in from Rwanda, and then by the last day of school, one of them stood up just sobbing and said “I am a hutu and I did genocide and my tribe did genocide against my friends the tootsies.” and it was the most amazing thing, this work is, it’s amazing. And of course there was a bonding there between him and the tootsies that he always wanted with, you know, himself and that just goes out. So his life is about taking this work back to the hutus and so this doesn’t have to happen again so he can be a part of that. But this work, you know what it equates to is the truth and it is the truth that sets us free. So if we go back to the thought on, “He doesn’t care about me.” And then we ask that third question “How do you react, when you believe that thought, what happens, and get still with that one how do you react when you believe the thought “he doesn’t care about you.” What happens? And you see the effects of what you’re believing, how you treat him when you think that thought, how you treat yourself when you think that thought. And the addictions that happen, that’s the effect of believing this stressful thought. And it’s not right or wrong and it’s ok to believe it. We’re just looking at the effects of mind and the world it creates. And we begin to understand that it is the mind that creates the world. And that is powerful to understand because it means that, well, you know, it’s huge!
    Chip:Yeah, basically we filter everything through our thoughts so in a way, our thoughts actually, we actually superimpose our thoughts on reality and see reality through our thoughts.

    Katie: That’s exactly it. Exactly.

    Chip: Ok, so this is really good so we got three of them now. We got “Is it True?”, “Can we absolutely know that it’s true?”, “How do you react when you believe that thought?” and I love the fourth question right? “Who would you be without the thought?”

    Katie: Exactly, in the same world in the same situation, same thing happening, yes he’s having an affair, yeah yeah yeah. And who would you be without the thought “He doesn’t care about you?” And to just get still and look into that space only without the thought.

    Chip: Because that’s every, because I have to say, that’s every country western love song. Who would I be? I’d be nobody without you, I’d be lost without you, I’d be broken without you.

    Katie: (Long sustained laugh)

    Chip: It is the staple of love songs for, and while I love the songs, I could listen to Rogers and Heart forever, but that’s every Rogers and Heart song you know?

    Katie: Yeah and in the same situation without the thought, “he doesn’t care about me,” love, connection, intimacy. And that is orgasmic. I can tell you that when your mind is open, when your mind is open an example of that, is when I found the work, I experienced a moment with my husband where I started to orgasm, and because my mind was so free, and a free mind is a fearless mind, so that the orgasm began and it lasted for three days. And it was so amazing, he was not the cause, mind is the cause. And also if for some of you listening, if your partner, you know if you’re not turned on by him, then question what you’re believing about him or her. And also like, if your partner wants sex, you know, like if someone said, like if my husband said Katie you want sex? How would I know? That’s a story of the future, how would I know? So, you know, I would just, my line is, honey I don’t know, touch me and we’ll find out, my mind is open.

  117.  #117Zara on December 26, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    Chip: Right this is exactly, my partner and I, we teach this to couples all the time that “Why don’t we try this?” Instead of asking that question, why don’t we get naked, hold each other together, look into each others eyes, breathe and then just notice, “What’s the next thing we want to do.” And what I notice, I can think I don’t want to have sex, or my partner can think “Oh, I’m too tired, or I don’t want to, I’m not in the mood.” I notice when we’re actually naked, holding each other, breathing, looking into each others eyes, all kinds of magical things happen. Some of which may be sex some of which may not, maybe just the act of being naked and holding each other is, in fact, sex. But you’re right, how can I know thinking out there in the future.

    Katie: Yes and it doesn’t require taking our clothes off.

    Chip: Oh yeah, well I like that part.

    Katie: It’s just not a requirement. Intimacy comes from within, it’s from the inside out.

  118.  #118Zara on December 26, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    Katie: So we find opposites, “He doesn’t care about me.” turned around “I don’t care about him.” Now that can be very shocking, and your mind might go “Well, that’s not true” and then you look at everything you’ve done for him and how you’ve sacrificed and then go back to it and look again, find examples, of how you’ve lead him or her to believe that you don’t care. Like where do you punish, and where do you apply guilt? And then get specific, and then make amends for it, for your sake, and because when we make amends, we find examples, and make amends for it, it raises our awareness. We’re more aware the next time it happens. And we already have found we don’t, that’s not us. That’s not the us that we live well with, that there’s guilt in it and guilt, that’s hard, that’s really hard, it’s a busy mind.

    Chip: And you see, it’s another quote I listed from your work here, you said if I see someone is irresponsible, in that moment I’m irresponsible. If I see someone is uncaring, in that moment I’m uncaring. If you hate me, you hate you. If you love me, you love you. That’s a profound thing, that’s the “I only see in others what’s true of me.”

    Katie: Yes, you know what else, they, people are who we believe them to be, no more no less.

    Chip: Right, but they’re also who we believe… Right.

    Katie: So.. if we don’t know… we need to do the work with, on what we’re believing about them. You know how irresponsible of me to see you as irresponsible, you know that’s your path. It’s necessary. And how unloving of me to see you as unloving. You know, we can’t get away from it. You know, attack is attack. And when we attack what we don’t understand we never come to understand.

    Chip: Now this turn around, I noticed the one you picked was “He doesn’t care about me, so maybe he does care about me.” But also, I could turn that around and say “I don’t care about me.”

    Katie: Yeah, and that’s very powerful and then to begin to find examples. And don’t just, when we turn these around they’re huge “I don’t care about me.” And to find the ways that maybe you, the way you treat you, could be less caring than what your partner is living toward you. And probably is, you know, if we are not our own best friend, how can we expect them to be? You know, and we’re so hurt when they’re unkind, and look how unkind we are to ourselves. And umm to, you know, maybe we can’t change our partners but we do have the opportunity to work with ourselves. And you know, I was always wagging my finger toward my children until I discovered every piece of advice I was issuing toward them, was for me. And when I began to take my own advice, you know, my goodness, I became so, I was thrilled that they weren’t listening to me. If they had they taken my advice, those poor pups, my goodness. And also no one could follow the advice I was meeting out. It was not possible, so I became very humble in that, but I became my best friend in that. You know, and I don’t expect anyone to love when I don’t love, or anyone to be caring when I am so uncaring. So you know, I’m just having a love affair with myself and working on me, and people are calling me kind, and it’s, I’m doing nothing more or less than just self-love and it is, it’s a full time job.

    Chip: Yeah you say that like it’s little but it’s but it’s big.

    Katie: Huge!

  119.  #119Zara on December 26, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    Chip: Nothing more or less than self love, I spent 15 years in marketing and advertising, and there’s a truism about, if you want people buy something, make them feel bad about themselves. You know, if they feel bad about, if they think they smell bad they’ll buy deodorant, if they think their hair is ugly, they’ll buy shampoo, if they think they look ugly, they’ll buy clothing, so that self-love thing is a big thing.

    Katie: Yeah yeah, and you know, until we love our thoughts, we can not love people.

    Chip: Right

    Katie: We have to, the mind has to end the war with itself before it ends the world, you know with the self, with our families, community, and world.

    Chip: Ok now, there’s one more turnaround, and I notice you say when you ask people to do these statements, in any statement you could do at least three turnarounds, so he…

    Katie: Well not with all of them, some of them will just have one turnaround and some of them could have, like, six.

    Chip: So “He doesn’t care about me,” one is “I don’t care about him.” one might be “I don’t care about me.” and one might be “he cares about me.”

    Katie: Yes “he does care about me” and then to find examples yes, he’s having the affair, let’s say it’s true. Yes he’s having the affair, and “he doesn’t care about me” turned around “he does care about me. ” You know, to open our minds to that, just because someone is having an affair, that you know, if our partner is having an affair, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care about us, it just means he or she is believing their thoughts. That’s all anyone is guilty over. I work in prisons where I have worked with people who have murdered many many people and people who have burned down homes with their wife and children in it. They were believing their thoughts, and if we believed the thoughts that they were believing, then we would be there too. It’s like, what are we believing? What are we believing, that is costing us our freedom, our birthright which is happiness. And basically the awareness of our own true nature which is love. You know, it’s so, suffering is nothing more than the denial of that.

    Chip: So Byron Katie if people wanted to know more about you, if they want to find your website, if they want to get more information or want to do your work how would they find you?

    Katie: Well they could go to byronkatie dot com, or at thework dot com the work is you know, all one word, thework dot com, and these questions are always free on my website, and the judge-your-neighbor worksheet and everything to do the work is there, it’s free, no charge, and of course it’s in all my books. And I just believe that everyone deserves to know that these four questions exist and that they work for anyone whose mind is open to it. And they change the world, you know they actually change your world. And it’s simple

    Chip: And listeners of course will have a link to Byron Katie’s “The Work” website, on my episode pages, so go visit personallifemedia dot com, “Sex, Love and Intimacy.” and you’ll find a link. I always like to ask my guests, would you give an exercise or something somebody could do at home to help the love and intimacy and sexuality in their life. And everything we’ve been talking about is kind of that, but do you have something else that you want to sort of leave people with or something that they might be able to, or an elaboration on one of the things that we’ve been working on perhaps, that you want to invite people to try on their own time.

    Katie: Yes, to notice, to be willing to and to look forward to not liking your partner. To just absolutely those moment when you do not like your partner. And then to write your thoughts down, your negative thoughts, about your partner, write them down. And then put them up against these four questions and turnaround. And that’s the invitation, it is so powerful, your mind will give you every excuse not to, and I invite you just to think of the sharing, and just have the time of your life, and just meeting the love of your life, which is you. And that’s what these questions offer you. In that when you love yourself you love everyone, and everything you see. And again I just invite everyone to that.


  120.  #120Starla on December 26, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    daria did you see my link for you?

  121.  #121crystal eyes on December 26, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Zara this stuff speaks to me on a deep level.

    My present struggle to re-locate my lost feminine “me”, relationally and sexually is because I have been seeing my situations all unfold through the filtering thought ” G doesnt love me” like a background silent cadence, for 3 years at least and very insistently for the last year..” G never loved me”

    I am going to re-read this a lot of times and thank you for posting this here.

    I am answering the four questions and doing the turn around. ” I never loved G” and there are plenty of ways that is true.

    It is most interesting to contemplate .. Who would I be without the thought ” he never loved me” ?..

  122.  #122TiaraDiva on December 26, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Hello Ladies,

    I feel so thankful that this blog is here to support me and other sirens. I appreciate your feedback and comments and feel that I am growing wiser each day. 🙂

    I know there was a blog post many moons ago relating to my dilemma, but I feel impatient to find it; or I don’t know how to search the archives effectively (perhaps a little of both). Anyway, I feel certain that at least one of you has a remedy to my situation:

    I have a new CD this week and have been asked to meet this person 1/2 way between our locations (I live about 2 hours away from him). This would be our first in-person outing, and I used my FMs and commented how I don’t feel comfortable driving to towns that I am not familiar with; that I feel awkward meeting him somewhere I have never been, and that I don’t feel comfortable driving in large towns.

    {conversation continued} then he made comments that I might be able to use public transit system [PTS] to which I replied with something to the effect that I feel weird admitting this, but I have never used the PTS before and still would feel scared using a transit system to a new town to meet a new person, etc. and that this makes me feel really uncomfortable.

    I felt smitten by CD when he started to mention which trains I should take and from what cities the train depots were located; and then when I get to his stop — he’d be there to “save the day” because I told him that I would feel so scared after having boarded a train to a city I haven’t been to, but that he would take care of the rest of the day just as long as I made it to him.

    CD stated that he doesn’t know if his car would be able to take the full drive to meet me in my town and then back again. Then I started feeling guilty because CD wants to take me back to the larger town for our day together — site seeing, new restaurants, parks, etc (all things I haven’t seen and I feel so excited to go see and do).

    I feel impractical to expect a new CD to drive 2 hours to get me and then drive another 2 hours back to where he started for the date (where the parks, etc. are) then to drive 2 hours to drop me off and then 2 hours back to his house again [ugh — thats already 8 hours out of the day].

    I don’t feel logical in this situation, but I don’t feel comfortable driving in unfamiliar territory or taking the PTS trains either.

    I feel intrigued with CD, and welcome the chance to meet him, but is there ever a point when meeting him (any CD really) just makes things feel impossible? So far, we both seem to have a connection on some level and enjoy speaking with one another regularly.

    I don’t know what my options are and I feel hopeful that someone here can help me understand from a different viewpoint what I seem to be missing from the conversations. Is there anything that I mentioned (or didn’t mention) that I shouldn’t (or should have)? Have I handled this all wrong?

    What would you recommend?


  123.  #123Zara on December 26, 2011 at 10:27 pm


    Are you really scared to ride a train or did you just say that because you did not know what you felt?
    In you are really scared, then you don’t want to depend on traveling in a stranger’s car, it does not feel safe or even wise for a first date to get out of a train in a strange city and hop into a stranger’s car, specially if the stranger’s car is allegedly not made to hold on very long looool You would hate to find yourself stuck in the middle of nowhere in a broken car, with a stranger by your side.

    He could drive 2 hours to you, take you somewhere within your town for a date, then drive back alone 2 hours to his town. You might want to tell him you are more interested in the meeting itself than by being shown his big city.
    If he still comes up with a way for you to go to him, I would drop it. The man can not come to me, that’s my clue.
    Even if it is a good man who would love to come to me, the result is the same: he is not coming to me, so how can he court me? How can he be in front of me and make me feel good and wanted? Even as an experiment, he is not going to do his job.

    Or may be drive to him as an experiment, so you can find out if you can enjoy yourself after you drove 2 hours to a man who refused to drive to you. And to find out how you feel after driving 4 hours for a man you don’t feel like meeting again, in case the date felt bad.

  124.  #124crystal eyes on December 26, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    Hi Tiara Diva.

    I dont recall a post about this but I would be happy to read one if other sirens can find it.

    I just had the same situation with meeting a new date over 2 hour drive away from me. I agreed to meet in a small town one hour from me and more than that from his house. I combined it with visiting friends so the drive became something I wanted to do for other reasons, not solely about him.

    The thing is he then drove over 2 hours each way for a date , and then I had a third brief meeting with him when i was in his town at Christmas , but he didnt set up a special outing due to general slack take -it -as -it -comes thinking .He later apologised for not communicating his availability better. I told him that planning felt better to me.

    The bottom line is that we like each other and are attracted BUT there is still over 2 hours each way and he is not showing step-up -enough potential to make it work ,not so far anyway .Even though I am prepared to do some travelling, he would need to show me more intense interest , like the other guy is doing.

    I am currently thinking of him as a “practice ” CD only . I am enjoying the date for what its worth , if it eventuates .

    I think you could consider whether this would be good “practice” for you , practice at driving maybe, or at saying no , or at enjoying a date anyway without expectation of follow up. This situation will keep on cropping up , if you really like each other!

  125.  #125crystal eyes on December 26, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    Zara , I agree with you that if he is not in front of you courting you then he is not likely to be the man to give you the relationship you want longer term !

    But I also acknowledge for me that it is a re-learning process and I am appreciating the practice . I am now clearly seeing early on the lean back men , (used to women chasing them and doing the work) and singing CD is like this, the trawlers (dragging their net in a sea of women hoping to catch some sex), the try hards..doing TOO MUCH , too soon to try to impress , and maybe the nice genuine ones who are prepared to make a sincere effort to get to know me at a pace that I am comfortable with.

    Tiara Diva ask yourself do you want to start seeing someone by “giving in” and backing down when you have made your position clear already that you dont feel comfortable ? What is it you are wanting him to do exactly?

  126.  #126Zara on December 26, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    Sensual 102

    Your story shows in posts 79 and 84

  127.  #127Zara on December 26, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    121: crystal eyes

    “G never loved me” “I never loved him”
    There is more turn-arounds.

  128.  #128Zara on December 26, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    121: crystal eyes

    “G never loved me” “I never loved him”
    There arer more turn-arounds.

  129.  #129Zara on December 26, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    are, even 🙂

  130.  #130Emerson on December 26, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    @ Jenny 63
    And I’m learning to dont give long explainations to why. That just saying; “I want to” or ” I dont want to” is enough…

    Thanks for this comment and reminder…I will keep this in mind because I tend to overexplain sometimes!

  131.  #131crystal eyes on December 27, 2011 at 1:40 am

    Thank you Zara .. “G never loved me” turn arounds..
    I found some more ..

    “G always loved me”
    “I never loved G”
    ” G does love me”
    ” I always love me”

    It certainly messes with my head and makes it hard to have the same old thought..

  132.  #132Jenny on December 27, 2011 at 1:42 am

    @ TiaraDiva 122:

    Stand your ground…you have said you dont want to go to him.
    And I agree to some other lady saying about it dont feel safe go to a unknown town, to meet an unknown person.

    And if he wants you to use the public travel system, why cant he use it?

    When I first started to meet men online, and some lived far away, I had those thought too. It did feel scary to let them come to me..course I wanted to give to them too. But then I started to shift in my thoughts: If they want to travel to me – its a kind of a gift from them I just lean back and receive without feeling gilt. I now feel like a queen…or an mystical princess where the knights have to travel over great danger and distance to find. 🙂

  133.  #133Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 1:59 am

    TaraDiva what I read in your post suggests this is a man who would not be willing to go out of his comfort zone for you in the long run. He knows all about the PTS but is not willing to use it to get to you? This is a first meeting and he should be working to impress you, to show you how much he wants to see you. I most definitely would not be travelling to his town for a first meeting. Meeting half way makes more sense to me. There is a lot of time in the future to get to know his town. I really don’t believe you could possibly be that excited to see him to put yourself in such a tenuous situation.

  134.  #134Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 2:05 am

    Hi Sensual you get a second chance to get it right maybe with a better man,

  135.  #135Daria on December 27, 2011 at 2:57 am

    oh my god.

    the vampire scream works with grief and heartbreak, not just anger

    i was doing it and felt suddenly so keenly sad in my heart and just SCREAMED and heard it all in my head in pain from missing guywho and the memories of the good times we had

    and it was silent and yet it felt as dramatic and fulfilling and deep and powerful and moving as if it were out loud


    i feel like i felt some of my heartbreak and healed it

  136.  #136Daria on December 27, 2011 at 3:02 am

    i am feeling all dramatic and romantic and my uncle wants to chat with me and i notice i feel so happy he does yet it feels uncomfortable… im like whoa diff vibe i feel inconvenienced i got off quick the convoe… oh good for me yeay me time love to have boundaries and makes us EVEN CLOESR yay


    love Daria

  137.  #137Daria on December 27, 2011 at 3:04 am

    i feel so good on the inside that i cried and screamed that sorrow heartbreak feelng omg it felt scary it felt so strong

    i felt scared my scream was gonna suddenly have sound

    adn everyone would be scared and the poainful howl

    howl of pain

    in silence


    i feel so excited that it works… SILENT

    wow omg

    how healing

    and easy to do


    no need to hold in the enormous pain

    cuz theres no howling in human society

  138.  #138Daria on December 27, 2011 at 3:05 am

    not like your hearts breaking and youre whole world is falling apart


    it felt so


    to feel that

    and i feel so excite dnad happy and admiring of myself

    for being willing to go there

    gooo meee

    i am proud of me

    i wonder what that feeling is

    all glowing



    show offy



    i felt stabed a lil when i said show offy

    cuz it has an ot good undertone like toxic

    love to me

  139.  #139Daria on December 27, 2011 at 3:15 am

    ok i just did the deer exercise again tonite

    and again i feel all pleasant and calm and smooth

    and NOT needy

    not ‘driven’

    to reach out sexually

    sooo awesome!


    and i was visualizing and getting image of some tight shit!

    tight sexual partners and cool stuff

    yay intention

  140.  #140Daria on December 27, 2011 at 3:16 am

    it def take the ‘edge’ off

  141.  #141Daria on December 27, 2011 at 3:20 am

    im crying again

    i feel moved seeing my beautiful sisters using the words “struggle, worrior, resistance” and breakign their hearts on =-

    my heart feels broken

    heal with desire pleasure peace magic

    creation life freedom we love

  142.  #142Daria on December 27, 2011 at 3:21 am

    my heart says te iubesc

  143.  #143Daria on December 27, 2011 at 3:24 am

    here is a spell curse
    emotional expression
    jealous drama
    in one

    an this comes along with me. to be jealous in this heart ripping way. this powerful spell way..

    and i heal

    the millions years before


  144.  #144Daria on December 27, 2011 at 3:30 am

    how many romanian girl uncountable have felt the pain i felt like this from memory shadows we came with from the past

    cuz we learned to love with pain

    and to hold on to that one man we thought was the one

    am i disloyal for not palying out these dramas and these archetypes

    who will i be, what if ill be someone i judge!



    so much love to me

  145.  #145Daria on December 27, 2011 at 3:35 am

    wow my heart feels relieved and lighter and freer

  146.  #146Butterfly Wings on December 27, 2011 at 4:22 am

    Oops! Silly me posted in the last thread before I realised this one was more than well established! :-S

    Hi everyone. I was invited to lunch today for a friend’s birthday and she also asked if TH would like to come along. I told her probably not but that I would ask him. And as expected he said that no he didn’t want to go.

    So this morning I started to get myself and my daughter ready and wouldn’t you know it?! He had decided he WOULD come along! OMG!

    So we went to lunch and had a good time and apart from him refusing to be in any photos we had a great afternoon.

    Things have progressed massively with us over the last few weeks, so although I was a little disappointed about the photo thing, I’m not overly bothered – babysteps right?

    And it’s not like he refuses to have photos taken at all with me – only a few weeks ago we had our photo taken down the coast when we stayed there overnight – and it was posted on FB! So I’m thinking it was because my baby was with us and the photo would have been of the three of us. Maybe that’s just a tad too scary for him at this point!

    We also had a slightly icky conversation about NYE too. There’s a soccer match scheduled for that night and because my daughter plays I thought she’d like to go and then TH made it very clear that if he was going to the soccer, it would be with the boys and not with us.

    I’ve since decided that I really don’t want to go out that night anyway, so plan to sit back with a couple of bottles of sparkling wine instead.

    But yeah, I kind of felt “rejected” in a way, although I KNOW a night out with him and his friends would NOT be appropriate with my daughter there – they tend to be a bit… wild and somewhat sleazy! lol

    So although at the time the conversation felt a bit bad (I would have felt better if he’d rather be there with my daughter and I than his friends), I’m ok about the whole thing now. And I just realised I’d probably have my baby with me that night too, so there’s really no chance I’ll go anywhere.

    TH keeps telling me how he wants to start saving more money and has said a few times he’ll probably stay home too, so I may or may not have him here for NYE but I’m ok either way.

    And I need to keep reminding myself of all of the good stuff too. He seems to get a lot of joy out of giving to me, and we’ve been together every single day for over three weeks now.

    Oh and this morning he sat and watched a Barbie movie with my baby and I! Now THAT says a LOT! Haha! What a man!

    So yep I absolutely adore the guy but I’m also doing some of my own things too. Tomorrow I’m meeting a gf and we’re going to see a movie, and he’s not invited. I am also focused on working more on the things I’m passionate about this coming year.

    And speaking of which, I plan to sit down this week and write out my goals for 2012. My friend just wrote a book that talks about dedicating the first 7 days of every month to manifesting your dreams, so I’m going to apply what she teaches and see what a difference it makes to my life! Yay me! I really lurve my life right now… 🙂

  147.  #147Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 4:29 am

    BW I just read it on the other thread. Just think you don’t have the be perfect, even with the goals

  148.  #148Butterfly Wings on December 27, 2011 at 4:40 am

    I’m VERY slowly working my way through Reconnect. So far I absolutely LOVE it and have picked up on some great tips to keep my vibe up.

    The most important tip I’ve picked up so far is to STOP thinking about him!

    He’s here most of the time these days, but since that day a few weeks ago when I decided to just trust him with all my heart, I find that I just don’t think about him nearly as much as I used to – even though he’s practically under my nose most of the time! And the results are nothing short of amazing!

    I can feel that we have grown closer and we’ve just been enjoying our time together. He’s even posted a couple of things on FB, saying what we’d just done together (not mentioning me though), but ending it with “great day!”.

    So we still have a little way to go before I feel totally “safe” and “secure”, but we have taken a huge leap since three weeks ago and I do feel really happy right now.

    I think the whole “relationship” label is an issue for him too, but his actions are telling me that he’s happy to stick around – at least for now if not longer. 🙂

  149.  #149Butterfly Wings on December 27, 2011 at 4:44 am

    Thanks FW. No I know I don’t have to be perfect. But to actually have them worked out in my mind and then written down (to be tweaked later, knowing me!) is a good start! 🙂

  150.  #150Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 4:45 am

    Congrats BW

    The STOP instructions seems harsh at times but it has brought so much peace and relaxation in my body that I have people telling me that I have a glow about me now. One person even said when she saw me coming she said to herself I want some of that. Both men and women are telling me that I have a glow and that I am so beautiful. I find it amazing and almost unbelievable that these simple shifts can affect people like that when all these years I have believed that it was about doing and convincing.

  151.  #151Daria on December 27, 2011 at 4:52 am

    thank you for the link Starla

    i felt all good and surprised reading an article on that site about that before when i had started thinking about that

  152.  #152Daria on December 27, 2011 at 4:55 am

    my cat is ALL UP ON ME insisting he come in my room and wanting to cuddle on top of that



    too much love?

    feel scared and uncomfrotable and judgemtental to ask that
    love to me

    love to me

    love to me

    he is kissing me


    i must be giving off the good vibe

    i still dont want him to slepe in here the whole night tho

    and its like 5 am


  153.  #153Butterfly Wings on December 27, 2011 at 4:55 am

    Hehe talking to two guys on FB right now. One is a 21 year old mutual friend of a girl I once helped through my life coaching a few years ago – she once contacted me via my website when she was having a tough time – she’s now a doctor! I’m so proud of her! 🙂

    I get the feeling that he’s trying to hit on me without actually hitting on me. Makes me laugh cos I’m almost double his age! 😀

    The other is a guy I’ve known for a while who I went on a date with once before realising that he was nowhere near my type. Too short, too “rough”, too unlike me, and the list goes on. So Ella, I can relate!

    So this guy knows about TH but maintains contact all the same and has asked me to catch up with him for a drink, which I will do – as friends only of course.

    And he IS really nice! Just not for me. He’s Canadian but has been here for many years now, and still has a hint of an accent. I have a “thing” for accents, darn it! lol

    Oh god, the other guy (I’ll call him H) is now trying to claim me as his gf! Uh, no thanks! 😀

  154.  #154Daria on December 27, 2011 at 5:20 am

    having done the Margaret Lynch tapping around the vow “to get even” at the second Chakra, i now feel a lot less pressure to do that with my dad and so i feel more admired by him and respected

    and accepted and loved

    and wow


  155.  #155Butterfly Wings on December 27, 2011 at 5:21 am

    150 FW – Isn’t it amazing how much what seems to be a subtle internal shift, can make so much of a difference to your outside???

    Congrats on the shift you’re obviously experiencing – it’s wonderful huh?! xx

    And yep I’m still learning to let go, and I need to control sometimes, and has TH puts it “I have to know everything”! So I’m working on that too, and asking myself “Do I really need to know that? Does it matter if I don’t?”. And if it’s not important I drop it.

    I’ve experienced so much growth over the last year and a half and am so grateful for finding you all, because you have all touched me in some way, through your stories and in some cases, your advice, and even in expressing your perceptions of my situation.

    I look at how things are between TH and I now, and I am totally amazed. I honestly did not think we’d get this far, let alone be closer than we were before, even though I hoped for it.

    **Happy sigh**

  156.  #156Daria on December 27, 2011 at 5:23 am

    gonna tap now on the vow to never let go of people in my life

  157.  #157Daria on December 27, 2011 at 5:24 am

    i also have the vow to hold people at arms length

    to never allow myself to be taken advantage of again

    to get even

  158.  #158Mochaberri on December 27, 2011 at 5:33 am

    From previous post – FW #179 and Aurora Girl #180

    Thank you for the feedback and now I undersatnd what you were saying- I agree that I may have overfunctioned by making him the plate and yes it very well may have been the agenda of doing to getting. But the getting was not about receiving a hug – it was about acknowledging that yes as you pointed out FW, my doing is about my always being there for him and that it’s being done to rebuild our relationship and go back to making happen the plans we had for our future together. I constantly share with him that my being here in this place is about rebuilding and moving forward. And ultimately the desserts were made for his mother and grandmother that is the excuse he used to call and tell me why he was coming to get the plate.

    Regarding the hug, the night before he came to get the plate he kept calling and telling me that he wanted to stop by and get a CD and he followed up with and of course you know to say hi and get a hug don’t you know that. My response was that I did not want to assume anything other than what you’re telling me which is to get a CD. So yes when I did see him Christmas Day I was expecting a hug since he mentioned it the night before.

    I’m learning to turn the attention toward me when I’m feeling things around my interactions with him and understanding why I’m doing them and yes it is because I want our relationship to be back where it was.

  159.  #159Daria on December 27, 2011 at 5:46 am

    wow earlier i was all thinking of how i want NYguy so much…
    and then i just went to his facebook page and felt SOOO attracted to him like just SUCKED into his pic


    i DID EFT!

    and i tapped awhiles … and…

    i shifted the pic at one point… i was tapping on the vow to chase men and not getting a man i want…


    i shifted it and all of a sudden he looked way more into ME and giving to ME in the pic

    whereas before i was melting and being pulled in

    yay me!

    i shifted some of my attraction and healed some vow about chasing men!

  160.  #160Daria on December 27, 2011 at 5:56 am

    wow i have a belief that the men i like wont wind up with me

    it will work for someone else, not for me though (never for me)

    i can practiacaly imagine her… but it never happens for me though…

    wow – votign for HER ! –


    i want to heal this

    tapping to heal this

    so excited to ‘see’ this belief and get a chance to heal it and love me

    yay me

  161.  #161Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:02 am

    wow what a difference looking at the picture!

    woooh omygoodness!

  162.  #162Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:08 am

    you know, i have another belief that men are impotent… they can’t really Do what has to be done to help me or to be withe me or take care of me… without me micromanaging everything…

  163.  #163Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:16 am

    Mochaberry – in this types of situations ive seen Rori talk about doing the opposite of what comes natural

    perhaps some bratty diva – “i don’t want to cook for a man… i love your family but i dont want to give any food until i’ve been taken out on a date”

    might have the kind of effect needed

    it will bring out to light the real intimacy, the ‘scary’ conversations about who what each wants

    and maybe facilitate his anger…

  164.  #164Mochaberri on December 27, 2011 at 6:32 am

    KR and I got together last night and before we met up I told him that I feel that his call was infringing upon being a booty call. He assured me that it was not and that he doesn’t treat me that way. I said OK thank you for letting me get that out. And then later in the conversation it came up again and then went into an arguement about the same old thing – how it is my fault that we are not further than we should be because of my lying/cheating and how such actions showed that I was not ready for a relationship. I agreed with him. I realized that I was not only lying to him I was lying to myself that I wanted a relationship and that it was based on my fear of losing him after putting in all the work and doing for him during those 10 years. I apologized for all I did and above all for hurting him. Now that I have let go of all that, I am ready for a relationship and want to go back to where we were and said I understand that nothing is going to happen over night.

    I have leaned back and do not call/text and he brought that up – how I can can call/text him too. . And since you are the one who brought us here you should be doing all you can if you want to make this work. Basically he suggested that I chase him since

    So I went over and he asked me if I wanted to stay the night go to work . My first response was well maybe I should go home since that wasn’t the agreement. He asked again so I responded as I was advised ” I would love to stay the night” and when I mentioned I just needed to run to my car and get a few things like my pocketbook he told me his pet peeve about my moving around and he’s trying to sleep. So I decided against going to get my bag and was getting into bed. So I said Ok then he said make sure you are up when the clock goes off cause I don’t want you in my way. So I laid down and was feeling really uncomfortable – 1. I feel he only wanted me to say because it was late and 2. I didn’t like his insinuation of me being in his way when I have to get up as well and wasn’t getting dressed over there. So I got up and said that I feel uncomfortable and am leaving. he asked why, and I said that this became way more complicated than it needed to be and I’m uncomfortable. He asked if he contributed to it feeling uncomfortable and I told him yes. He asked me if I felt uncomfortable about coming over and I said that I don’t know how I feel about that right now.

  165.  #165Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Mochaberry – i have heard Rori call this a psychological “threat”

    that is when a guy says i have been cheated on (or in this case, you brought us here) so… don’t cheat on me, or work for me, etc

    rori called this “horseshit”

    going along with this will not work to attract a man or create a relationship

    you must consistently put yourself first – and from THAT place, open your heart to His efforts

  166.  #166Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:49 am

    Mochaberry – i feel glad you left im glad you are taking care of you

  167.  #167Mochaberri on December 27, 2011 at 7:04 am

    @ Daria # 163 and 165

    Thank you! ican certainly be a bratty diva/siren!!

    Can you give me the link to the psychological “threat” piece??

  168.  #168Mochaberri on December 27, 2011 at 7:18 am

    @ Daria – #166

    Awww you are soo sweet. ((((hugs))))

  169.  #169Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 7:46 am

    I’m feeling scared and competetive and angry and lonely and afraid and sad and terrified and unworthy….
    lots of flooding thoughts and feelings this week and complete panic of being alone and I feel incapable of building a relationship with someone…

    I feel like something must be so terribly wrong with me…why I haven’t been able to sort that out when EVERYONE around me it seems has settled down with a partner.

    I feel terrified. I missed my turn. I failed and didn’t look inward deep enough soon enough good enough…and here I am alone.

    I wonder why “romantic” love is so important to me and having chemistry and attraction is such a high priority ….
    I feel that for me, not having it in a relationship feels so empty and sad and icky and bad…and I feel terror that I will not feel fulfilled or comforted or loved if it’s not there…

    Why do I feel such a high priority about that when other people say it’s not a big deal and they don’t care, the magic fades and they love the person anyway. I kind of understand that but kinda not.

    I also wonder if it’s because I’m using sex for closeness and not getting deeper with men for fear of intimacy?? I have no idea…I get pretty close to my men though, talkng and opening up and sharing all kinds of stuff…so I’m not sure.

  170.  #170Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 7:49 am

    I got the fake attitude from my mom, pretending like I know what people are talking about and going along with it like even with my therapist…instead of being genuine and saying actually, no I have no idea how to let someone love me OMG that feels scary…

  171.  #171Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 8:00 am

    I feel like I may be in that category of “love addict” and it scares me…like how am I suppsed to go to rehab for love to quit that? omg I feel like I’m unhelpable and that I will never evolve to the point where I can help myself..I don’t want to feel this way I want the block removed please…thank you….
    I don’t watn to remain trapped…
    I feel the same way what Daria describes in 160 and I have been trying to picture myself with a man and a baby in tow and it’s really hard for me to do that…

  172.  #172Linda on December 27, 2011 at 8:06 am

    Dear Rori,
    It took a lot just to write to you, but I really need your opinion. I don’t know if to hold on my relationship or not. I know you heard a lot of stories and have tools to help to deal with situations etc..Maybe, just maybe you could help..I am married for almost thirty years and was taken by surprise two years ago by finding out about my husbands love affair… He did ended it fast, but it took him one and me two years to get over it. Now everything seems to be good, but not emotionally on his side, and our intimacy is not the greatest. I started asking him questions and was told, that he “loves me, but is not in love with me”…He seems cold and told me it suits him.By the way he was always very calm and quiet person, but otherwise very self-confident and sure of himself. I on the other side,I am caring and affectionate and expect this from him. Somehow I feel something is missing for me…I believe things can be turned around, if we know how. When I told him how I felt , he told me to find someone more romantic. Is he out of his mind???? Am I to live double live in order to feel closeness. I don’t want to leave and the same for him. He is a good man, who deeply cares for our family. But my heart is aching ..i always believed, that things can work out….
    Rory what can be done. Please help.Linda

  173.  #173Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Mochaberry I feel happy you left. It seemed like everything was on his terms so you were not putting yourself first initially. I understand that you cheated in the past but all you can do right now is make a promise and keep that. He has to decide if he will trust. There is nothing you can really say or do that will get him to trust you. It is his choice. Under the circumstances he might even tell you that you can’t flirt with other guys even if he is not giving you what you want. Until he is fully committed to you I am not convinced that shutting down your options would work in your favor.

  174.  #174Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 8:49 am

    I woud love to learn about the vow to get even

  175.  #175Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 8:55 am


    RE: #169 – Romance is very important to me, too. I have somewhat come to terms with it by acknowledging the extreme growth I’ve experienced as a single. I feel strong, and I like who I am and who I am becoming.

    But I know we were created for relationship. And I won’t feel fully satisfied until I am in a good, intimate relationship!

  176.  #176Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Mochaberry I also remember CCarter talking about the relationship debt as if someone feels like they are owed something. Maybe that is where he is coming from because of the past. I am wondering if making a commitment about letting go and starting on a fresh clean slate could help. You could work out what type of relationship you want and when things veer away from that you can have a conversation around if that is really what you want so you can either change the committment or recommit to it. You could even work with a timeline of say a month to see how things go rather than just moving along without any conscious agreement.

    Obviously he has feelings from the past experience that should be honored but it should not be a constant thing being used against you.

  177.  #177Mochaberri on December 27, 2011 at 9:00 am

    @Starla #169 – I so feel your pain….I am the same way.

    I feel others “get it” and I don’t. what’s wrong with me?

    I was doing so well with KR – I had his heart and did stupid things to loose his trust in me. Why did I do it??? I keep asking myself that – was I still harboring feelings from something that happened between us 13 years ago? Yes!! That’s it – I didn’t want to be hurt by him again this time around.

    I feel terrified that he will never come around – how do I heal this?

    I feel that starting over with someone new is scary

    I want a husband and kids – how do I get that?

    I want to tell KR that I don’t want to wait anymore – I want to tell KR that I will wait forever

    I don’t want to tell him anything and let him figure out why I’m not answering his calls? Is that right?

    I’m feeling confused?

  178.  #178alicia on December 27, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Hi Everyone! I am new to posting on this site. I was going to post in the section about Your Story but I noticed some of the women were directed to post on the most recent blog entry. I would like to direct a question to Rori.
    Where should I do that?

  179.  #179liz on December 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Good afternoon sirens,
    I am still catching up on all your posts….
    Starbright, I just wanted to say thanks and I posted to you on the last blog, the one on holidays and I am right now working on the first exercise in toxic men…..

  180.  #180liz on December 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Hi Emerson,

    I know how you feel. It is so good that you are processing all these feelings and naming them about not having a relationship yet. In your inner core, you know that you are absolutely, totally lovable, so becoming aware of these other feelings is good…..it might mean you are letting go of them and you will bring in a higher vibration and feeling about yourself….

  181.  #181Jenny on December 27, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Emerson – I do feel with you. When i started to work with my feelings…I started to see what I had gone wrong. And that is the what feels the hardest…to see what I could have done in another way. And I still feel angry at myself for things I could have done better. But nowdays, when I get the feeling of anger, I just sink into the feeling and stroke myself over my head, saying nice things to myself.

    One of the hardest thing is not to bet myself up. So hang in there, it will be easier and easier.

  182.  #182Starla on December 27, 2011 at 11:26 am

    I am feeling much better today about the masc/fem thing with CF. My only responsibility is to stay in fem energy.

    Also, I am feeling delighted that in 6 months, this has been our only serious conflict, and even then, it was pretty manageable. The residual ickiness just lingered for about 24 hours. But now it’s all back to normal.

    I noticed that sharing with him that i wasn’t *angry* with him really helped.

    and i noticed the most debilitating thing for him in conflict is feeling like he’s FAILING me. and not making me happy.

    he really, really cares about making me happy.

    so when it’s all over, the best thing i can do is get back to appreciating him in the present, and thanking him for all the stuff that DIDN’T go wrong.

    i mean, despite the little glitches, all of christmas and our birthdays were not ruined by any means. we had such a nice time 99% of the time. It feels refreshing and easier not letting the 1% cloud over all the niceness of the holiday weekend.

    and even though i felt closed off and not as affectionate as usual, he didn’t make me feel bad for it. at first, he did, but i told him how terrible i felt with the pressure for everything to be “okay” and loveydovey.

    overall, major success and learning, and awesome babysteps in lots of places:)

  183.  #183Ella on December 27, 2011 at 11:35 am

    Hi Daria,

    I did not mean to upset you with my post.

    I often seem to have a block to certain things and the deer exercise was one of them.

    I tried to read about it once and just immediately found myself switching off.

    I often have that belief ‘Oh that won’t work for me!’ without having tried it properly. I would like to meditate but have found that difficult and given up when I have tried it in the past.

    Anyway, following my post and then yours Daria, I just looked up and read about the Deer Exercise for women.

    I still feel sceptical and yet it sounds quite interesting.

    I put my heel on my vagina while I was reading and immediately it felt nice, although I couldn’t do it properly as people are here.

    I feel especially interested in whether it can really relieve sexual tension and urges, whether it can help me to look youthful and most of all if it can relieve mentrual cramps as I suffer a lot with these.

    I would like to be open to new things.

  184.  #184elle_emm on December 27, 2011 at 11:38 am

    i want to buy the margaret lynch program. she is rad!

  185.  #185Daria on December 27, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    Elle emm I received it as a gift and can share w u. If u want, email me

  186.  #186Daria on December 27, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    Ella – after trying it a lil bit I believe it will.

    After doing it once I feel good and warm – like I’ve been hugged.

    there’s less urgency.

    It see really gentle to me, almost like nothing is going on but just feels nice and pleasant after.

    If it gets more and more easy to be aware during the exercise – which it will – I think it will start to feel even more powerful.

  187.  #187Daria on December 27, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    For meditating I got it by realizing when I sat down and just watched my breath – all these thoughts of the day tried to rush in – I got an AHA moment that that is Good!

    If I could just tolerate that feeling for 5 min, my mind will have healed those thoughts coming up – the anxiety.

    And after I feel stronger.

    Actually I liked it and went from 5 min to an hour.

    Now I haven’t lately been able to go as long.

    I like it cuz it was shifting my energy – from anxious to calm.

  188.  #188Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    What are your images of power and sheer animal instinct?

    I would have to say I think of a killer whale in the ocean…they effortlessly swim in an environment and world of water that they are made for…and they are designed to flourish in it.

    Am I designed to flourish in this world that I am in?

  189.  #189Daria on December 27, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    All of that might not help If there is a block.

    Sometimes I just do something else if there is a block – and I come back to the desired thing when there’s a stronger pull for me

    Like t- tapp stretches I felt pulled to do them in Romania.

    My horse will always take me where I need to be, I don’t need to push, just open up.

    Maybe when I’m avoiding some tools, I’m discovering others that are also wonderful.

  190.  #190mali on December 27, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    I’m feeling trapped, suffocated, angry, and BLEURGH.

    I am not happy following a religion which asks us to follow rules we don’t understand. I don’t like being around people who simply tell us that our Holy Book tells us to act a certain way, and so we should follow it.

    NO. You can’t make me. I WON’T do it. Try and make me, I dare you.

    My God understands me. He knows me. And He loves me for all that I am. and He gave me a brain to QUESTION things. I don’t like being around people who don’t encourage me to questions things, when such a huge part of me likes to question things.

    Don’t mould me. I want to be free. And I WILL be free.

    Feeling aggressive. and all RAWRY

  191.  #191Butterfly Wings on December 27, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    (((Emerson))) – I find that what often works for me when there’s something I really want so badly, is to become “ok” with not having it.

    So for example, if I want to be in a relationship, like Rori teaches, I need to be ok with being alone first. I suppose that’s kind of what I did with TH – I took my focus off him and on to me and my “things”, until it was almost an inconvenience if he wanted to come and see me.

    And another example was when my ex and I were buying our house together. The process got so frustrating that I started to think that renting would be a LOT easier and that I really couldn’t give a sh*t if we got theloan or not. And then the loan was approved!

    It’s all about detaching from the outcome which is a key factor in attracting what you want.

    I hope that helps – I know how hard this feels for you.


  192.  #192Starla on December 27, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    woohoo, Mali! Go girl!

  193.  #193turquoise on December 27, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Happy Holidays everyone!!! Hope they were magical, memorable and heartfelt. I’m back, ready to try my hand at love again… and have been truly missing you ladies and all the wisdom! I have a new computer, so I’ll be online more often. Hope everyone is doing extremely well, and can’t wait to catch up!

  194.  #194Daria on December 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    I feel upset


    Was scared!


    Mmm felt good

    And also, I had a glimpse of healed vision! Yahoo!

    That felt nice

  195.  #195Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Welcome back turquoise

  196.  #196Daria on December 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    I love the killer whale image

  197.  #197Starla on December 27, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    i’m on a “text fast” for a few days. text messaging feels so draining, plus it’s good to mix things up just for good measure.

  198.  #198turquoise on December 27, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Thanks FW. For the first time in a very very long time.. my new year’s resolutions are actually about me. Not getting my house in order or being a better mom, friend, daughter, etc. I don’t feel great about myself, and know I need to heal some major areas of myself, from the inside out. I couldn’t think of a better place to come to work on myself than here. It’s the one place I can be completely honest, and whether I’m judged for it or not… I feel understood, supported and best of all, given a lot of perspective to consider and possibly apply.

    In being compeletely honest, since I was last seriously on here, I realize I still love my ex husband. I don’t know what to do with that, while he’s been really wonderful, I know he doesn’t feel that way about me. So, either I need to heal that and move on, or I need to deal with it and work towards a reconcilliation. It’s scary to admit that out loud, in present tense. I can say he’s no longer engaged, that ended over the summer.

    Anyone on here ever reconcile with an ex and have it actually work out?

    I’ve often heard that people don’t change, but I have seen some significant changes in him compared to when we were married. It’s inspiring to see that growth and self healing he’s accomplished.

    Any thoughts? Am I nuts to want someone back who hurt me so deeply?

  199.  #199Radiance on December 27, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Happy holidays Sirens!!

    I’ve been enjoying the holidays but missing visiting the blog.

    Daria, I wanted to let you know that I did the Deer Exercise a couple of weeks ago and liked it. The next day my period started–it had been two weeks late. (It’s been irregular lately).

    With your & lk’s boob-growing comments of a few weeks back, I’ve started growing my boobs too. Amazing!… I mean really amazing!!… I love it!! Thanks, Sirens!!

  200.  #200Daria on December 27, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Radiance – yay thanks!

    What are the boob growing tools?

  201.  #201lilybelly on December 27, 2011 at 2:35 pm


    Yay turquoise!! Great to see you!!

  202.  #202Ella on December 27, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    Radiance / Daria,

    Cool re the deer exercise, and isn’t it actually supposed to prevent menstruation?

    Just curious. xoxox

  203.  #203Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    Turquoise some time ago I had suspected that he was interested in getting back with you. I can’t remember what you wrote why I had felt that way. If I can be honest I had felt back then also then you were bitter towards men. I believe that if you can continue healing your heart and changing yourself he might feel inspired to continue changing himself and try again. Regardless of any outcome though working on yourself can only make your life much better.

  204.  #204Daria on December 27, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Ella – not necessarily it just gets you more in tune w your body … Then you Can prevent menstruation in a natural way If u want.

    I used it and got my period gently when I was late… Am wanting that now also

  205.  #205lilybelly on December 27, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    All I need to do with T is be the girl. BE THE GIRL! Dang, I forgot momentarily last night and was trying to open a bottle of wine. He was instantly right there wanting to take care of it. At first, I hesitated and then I remembered he wants to take care of me, even if it is a silly bottle of wine… So, I gave him the wine and everything was fine.

    It was a good reminder for me.. stay in the fem energy..lilybelly…BE THE GIRL!!!

    I also need to be remembering appreciation! I get to practice some more tonight with him.

  206.  #206Ice Princess on December 27, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    I spent the last two days with LP fishing. I caught my first fish in over 20 years yesterday and another today. It was quite exciting! But now I am home alone dwelling on how slowly our reinvented relationship is moving and it makes me feel sad and lonely. Sometimes I feel stronger when I haven’t spent as much time with him. I wonder if this is nature’s way of telling me to go my own way or if it is just that strong of a love attraction that I miss it when it is not right there. Either way I am getting tired of having to pick up my little girl because I’ve hurt her.

  207.  #207Aurora Girl on December 27, 2011 at 3:12 pm


    congratulations on your catch,….what fun!

    I can imagine the sad and lonely feelings and I can relate too……….sometimes I think it’s nature telling me to go my own way as well….especially since I ‘m not fond of feeling low. I know when my mind starts to wander too far into the future or think about what’s missing (even if i just spent a lot of time with my sweetie)….I feel yucky. I think a part of me even wants to sabotage things so I don’t feel any yuck……..

    I know my negative voices like to get active and pick apart things when we are apart…..oh they go into over drive sometimes. I think it’s when we miss them.

    I have a strong “boy” side that comes out when I get like this……..

    is that what you meant when you said “I’m getting tired of having to pick up my little girl because I’ve hurt her”…..are you talking about the girl inside of you that feels sad? because something’s missing?

    or something else?


  208.  #208Starla on December 27, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    aww, CF just called because he came into town (he’s up north about an hour, housesitting for the week) for an errand and wants to take me to dinner while he’s here. He’s waiting for me to get off of work, and then we’re off to my favorite restaurant!

  209.  #209Starla on December 27, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    btw, sirens, CF turned 30 on xmas eve, and i went with him to his mom’s house so she could give him his birthday present from her…

    she gave him the wedding band his father gave her. she said “we talked about this and you said you wanted it” in vague terms.

    it took me a moment to realize that it wasn’t just a sentimental gift, but that the ring is meant FOR ME. because he hates his dad, lol, he wouldn’t want that for keeps. then i realized through their cryptic conversation that she wants him to trade it in for an engagement ring.

    crazy… good, but crazy.

    or maybe i’m imagining it all.

    his family all really likes me, or at least makes an attempt to like me, which feels amazing. his mom gave me a really thoughtful gift for xmas, and his sister, who was my social enemy growing up, gave us a gift card to a nice restaurant so me and CF could go to dinner together.

  210.  #210Ice Princess on December 27, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    105Aurora Girl,

    Yes, you “got” me! I want what LP and I used to have but better! Sometimes I feel like I am running out of time to have a happy life. I do sabotage things because of all the hurt and disappointment I’ve had in the past. and, yes my boy is tired of my girl being so needy.

  211.  #211Jean on December 27, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    my lovely ladies, goddess and rori, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday! Mine was bittersweet;seeing all 4 of my(grown) kids together for 3 days, the only time I get to see all 4 of them for year. Happy, but cried the way home. Walked in my lonely apt and cried when I saw my tree. I felt a bit better after a cry AND taking down the tree and decorations.
    Now I am trying to find the courage to end it with “j”…it is just me feeling scared to do it and me feeling like its too much work to do it. I have been trying to put distance between us for the last 2 months, seeing less and less of him and no lovemaking. But I feel stuck and I feel i can’t move forward until I make this a clean break. But then I feel upset that it will be so much work and I feel nervous because I know this is not what he wants. Why do I feel so upset, so nervous? I feel that makes it about him and its about me and how I feel. I don’t want to give him the wife/not girlfriend talk, because I have come to realize that he is NOT the one I want to be a wife to…..
    ooooohhhhhhhh….I feel its too hard, it feels so icky to me….

  212.  #212Radiance on December 27, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    147 & 150 here


    I can’t find the breast-growing comments beyond those. “lk” is hard to search on… Seems like she was talking about “pillowy” boobs or puffy boobs… and talking to her boobs.

    Regardless, I have been focusing energy on my boobs a couple of times a day… and talking to them internally and caressing them in the shower and talking to the fat cells…

    I have had issues in the past around my breasts. I am small-breasted and was teased relentlessly in adolescence and high school, even by so-called friends.

    I started loving my breasts and appearance about 3 years ago after starting yoga wherein the instructor and many of the fit yoginis had small-breasts.

    Even though I am mostly fine with my size, after reading lk’s comments and doing the deer exercise, I thought it’d be fun to play with growing my boobs. It’s just nice to give them some lovin’ after so many years of shaming them.

  213.  #213Aurora Girl on December 27, 2011 at 3:58 pm


    wow there are beliefs in there that say “there is a clock ticking on having a happy life”…..”it’s suppose to happen by…….this certain age”…….”if you blow it there’s no other tries”…………”you will get it wrong unless you figure it out”….”self destruct in …..seconds” “boom”…..

    oh is that what the negative voices sound like IP?

  214.  #214Ella on December 27, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    I tried the deer exercise.

    Not sure what I felt really. I guess I feel a little bit calmer.

    It felt nice having my heel on my vagina 🙂

    One thing I am unclear on – are you supposed to do the breast stroking at the same time as the contractions, or separately?

    I am going to try it again… when I do not have a cold and have not been eating so much food.

    I imagine it can feel better and I will experience it more when I am feeling healthy and more in tune with my body, which I am not so much at the moment.

  215.  #215Ice Princess on December 27, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    211, yes, those sound all too familiar. It doesn’t help that my younger sister just got married and is now having a baby. Granted I have been married and have two children but a small part of me really wants another….a real family again.

  216.  #216Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    ((((((((((((((((Jean)))))))))))))))))))))))) Big hugs

    Maybe don’t try to end it. Try to babystep away by letting him know you feel like you might have gotten ahead of yourself and now that you are really finding yourself you want to slow things down to feel certain that this is what you want for your life. Don’t end things if it is too scary. It feels too final the way you have written about it. I can totally understand your fear.

  217.  #217Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    Ella I looked it up too and realized that my zumba teacher does a modified version as part of our stretching routine but she definitely puts one foot all the way up under her for a few minutes and switches it around.

  218.  #218Daria on December 27, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Whew! Talking about meditation I just did it for like an hour!

    It felt cool to notice when my phone rang all the adrenaline got released and the way it affected the feelings throughout my entire body

  219.  #219Radiance on December 27, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Yoga has helped me on so many levels, as I’m sure those of you who are familiar with it can agree.

    I have so much more confidence, presence, awareness as well as strength and flexibility. I love myself more.

    Yoga helped me stand more erect and not be afraid of having my shoulders back more and my breasts out front. I realize I used to fold at my diaphragm… unconsciously reducing my profile, I’m sure.. That is so sad. I feel sad reading that.

    I feel happy that I have moved beyond that.

  220.  #220Daria on December 27, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Ella – do the breasts first. That builds up the sexual energy.

    Then when u breathe u breathe the sexual energy up from the nani… Like pulling it through a straw

    Not much happens for me either

    But that small calm feeling soothes my sexual neediness feeling

  221.  #221Daria on December 27, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Thank u Radiance

  222.  #222liz on December 27, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    James Duke, the famous ethnobotanist, told me once about fenugreek seeds for growing boobs. It really works. I would sprout them, since I did not really like the fenugreek tea. Just make sure the fenugreek seeds are clean, since I think they were the source of the e. coli 01H751 outbreak in Europe last summer.
    I am sure they would be clean now….I have been thinking of trying soil sprouts with them and watching my breasts grow….


  223.  #223liz on December 27, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    My images of power and sheer animal instinct:

    A cheetah in pursuit of its prey and then capturing it and killing it.
    And then watching the cheetah lovingly play with its cubs and feed them….

  224.  #224Jean on December 27, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    femininwoman(comment 214)….THANK YOU FOR THE HUG….that made me feel better!

    I just don’t want this relationship with him to continue on. Its good for him, yes…he has what he wants for now, but I do not. and I want to move on with my life, move out of the area, start CD’ing again. and I feel that he is always there. He texts all the time: went past your place and your car wasn’t there. OR: whatcha doin?….I feel this is a relationship that is on his terms and is fine for him, but it is so not what I want. I want to be a wife again, I want to be a family with a man….but not this man. I love him, in a kind way, but I am not IN LOVE with him.
    so I have slowed them down…from seeing him every day and making love every day…to seeing him 1 time a week and no lovemaking since…wow….almost 2 months now(this has been hard on me, LOL!). so I feel this is the next step…I feel I have to do like rori says: soft on the inside(with my feeling words…) but strong on the outside.(setting my boundaries by ending it since it no longer works for me, no longer feels good for me).
    what do you think?

  225.  #225liz on December 27, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    I feel mad and not powerful when I think of accountantCD and how he is not thinking of my feelings.
    I am wanting to be respected for my boundaries and pursued because I have them…

  226.  #226Turquoise on December 27, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Thanks FW… when he was buying us the house, I thought maybe he wanted to get back together… his mom had made a few comments to me too… was unsure if he had other motives than just wanting us in a better place. Then things blew up with his finace, I got a little caught in the middle and he’s seemed bitter about relationships since. Now, with the holidays I’ve seen more of him, he’s gotten to spend some time with us here, and he was a huge help in getting ready for Christmas with my family, and he wasn’t staying… was nice. He wasn’t very helpful when we were married, so that was a big change.

    I probably have been bitter towards men. I haven’t had much luck in that department, and dating has been pretty disappointing. I thought taking a break from it all would help put things in perspective, and I just realized what I’m missing in having the right man in my life. So, not sure where to go from here… I tend to way over compensate, overtry… too much effort. Really need to just relax, be the girl and focus on ME. Going to start there.

    Breast growing exercises sound good! I’m about a cup size larger on my right side… lefty could use a little help! 🙂

  227.  #227liz on December 27, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    I have reposted my profile on match and I have not gotten any hits in 3 days…….

    I am reposting my profile:

    Does anyone feel like giving me some feedback on it?

    I feel really receptive to your feedback, thoughts, feelings and would not be insulted or hurt by your comments:

    I am looking for a partner who is intelligent, active, fun, sensuous and kind.
    I am myself a sweet, gentle, smart, creative, woman with a competitive streak on the tennis court. I am physically fit and look young for my age. I am always learning, learning, learning and I just earned a certificate in holistic health counseling from the Institue of Integrative Nutrition
    I love living in Vermont! I enjoy the outdoors and would like to share adventures with a fun-loving man.
    I feel receptive to meeting someone who is serious about living life to their highest potential and likes the moonlight and jumping in a stream while hiking and who values their career, their livelihood, family and eating fresh pesto on noodles with veggies just picked from the garden. I look forward to sharing intimacy with a man after getting to know each other and determining that our relationship goals are similar.

  228.  #228Ice Princess on December 27, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Ahhh, now he is waning to go fishing again tomorrow and he wants to look at boats together. I feel scared of getting too lose when I don’t know where we are going.

  229.  #229Ice Princess on December 27, 2011 at 4:44 pm


  230.  #230Daria on December 27, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Feminine Woman – the vow “to get even”

    is about in our childhood – remember these aren’t really logical vows –

    when someone wasnt doing things in a way that felt good, we vowed NEVER to be like them

    like I vowed NEVER to work hard and get all focused on money – “ill show them” “my way WILL work”


    it has a lot of buried ANGER with it at our way not being recognized etc

    BUT… it also ironicaly keeps us manifesting EXACTLY THAT STATE WE DONT WANT – so that we can keep pointing at it and KEeep trying to battle it and get even


    so basically im manifesting a lot of hard work for me in my quest to never work hard!


    she doesnt talk aobut it so much, but its mentioned in the 2nd chakra vows,

    so sometimes i tap with it in mind when doing the 2nd chakra tappings with her.

    or i pause and tap my own images/ memories / beliefs that come up

  231.  #231Jean on December 27, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Liz….#225….I only see 1 feeling part in your profile. I, too, in the past have been on several dating sights. The best/most responses I got was when I completely redid my profile, after listening to rori’s info, to be all about my feelings. It feels, I feel, it felt, it would feel.
    Your profile, while I think it is awesome…feels rather in “boy” energy. How would you feel to be more feeling with your profile? Would you feel comfortable with that?
    I feel happy when I am______. It feels awesome to _____. I would feel comfortable________.
    Also…just a suggestion – but I would not include anything about getting intimate with someone in a profile. That is kind of putting the horse before the cart, when you haven’t even met someone. Remember, the profile is like a screening/interview…you want to make it so that you are inviting/opening your heart to all the wonderful people out there and even the not so wonderful, so you can practice(per rori) with everyone you meet. and when you practice, your heart and vibes stay open so that you can meet the one for you.
    I hope I have not offended you in any way, that is not my intention.
    What do you think?

  232.  #232Lizka on December 27, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Hi my dear Sirens!

    Oh how I’ve miss you! I am more than 2500 km from my home, in vacation and I feel lonely. I don’t feel happy.

    You might think I am a big cry baby reading that but that’s just how I feel. I am here with my “family”, wich is my father, his girlfriend and her son. I am not having a good time because of my mother in law. I really haven’t expecting that. She is not nice to me, she wants to control everything and everything I say I want to do she finds a reason not to do it. And my father says nothing. The thing is we have only one car and I don’t mind doing my things alone, go to the beach or visit some villages or museum, but I can not use the car all the time. And the 3 of them really don’t see the trip like I do. They just want to do “local” things, visit the neighbourhood and things like that. I haven’t really travel in my life and I want to make this trip “something”. I want to see special stuff and I spent a lot of money on this trip and right now, I am not enjoying myself. I don’t feel satisfied and I don’t feel respected at all and it makes me feel sad and teary. There is much more to say about what happened, but I don’t feel like writing too much,

    I tried using my new siren’s skills. I tried feeling messages with my father but I didn’t do too well. We got into an argue and her girlgriend came and screem (she really knows nothing about FMs, haha) and I cried and he said to stop crying. I am trying to seek into my feelings and love them and to see this situation to grow up and learn, but all I can think o is I am spending money on something I am not satisfied about and I am not respected.

    I feel sad. And I want to be home and feel independant again. I miss my last summer vacation where I stayed in my city but at least I could just do whatever I want.

    I didn’t had internet in the last 3 days and I couldn’t talk about that to any of my friends. I needed to talk to someone. I feel glad I have this place to do so.

    Do you have any thoughts about this? Do you think I am wrong or complaining for nothing? Do you have any suggestion on how I could handle this situation?I know it’s kind of stupid, but I’m not happy right now.

    I will go smoke outside and come back to catch up with the blog. Hope you are all doing fine and had a great Christmas. I didn’t.

  233.  #233Daria on December 27, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Liz – rori talks about profile writing in her programs. use feeling messages in each sentence (yes) and poetic.

    do one paragraph about hwo you feel during your daily life

    and one paragraph about how you want to feel with your man

  234.  #234Daria on December 27, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    Lizka – i had a similar situation except in reverse (parent wanted to do so many things an di wanted to relax)

    maybe you could rent your own car? it mgiht be just a few dollars a day and solve the issue for you – and be a brave bold independent move

  235.  #235Lizka on December 27, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    I thought of renting my own car. I really want to. I already checked on internet and didn’t find nothing under 450 US $ a week… that’s pretty expensive for independancy…

  236.  #236Jean on December 27, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    lizka…not sure what city/area you are in, but what about free/public transportation? bus, subway, something like that? I feel sad for you; to be wanting to do all those things you looked forward to, but not being able to. Perhaps a compromise – talking it over…I feel so sad, I feel unheard….can we do this, and this and THEN can we do this(for me) and this? I would feel so happy then…
    what do you think? (((((((((HUG))))))))))) a big hug for you, it is OKAY TO CRY!!!!

  237.  #237Jean on December 27, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    daria….what is the deer exercise you spoke about above? can you explain for me?

  238.  #238liz on December 27, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    Hi Lizka

    Thanks Jean and daria,
    I know my profile is TOTALLY BOY….I was such a tomboy…..i guess i will rewrite it and try feeling messages….i will repost my edits here…..it is so nervewracking putting up a profile on match.

    (((((lizka))))))) that’s for being with family…..
    hope it makes you feel better!

  239.  #239Jean on December 27, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    liz, if I was there, i would help you write it, we would laugh and joke and have a glass of wine while we did it and you would feel pleased and happy….not nervewracked! 🙂

  240.  #240Daria on December 27, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    2nd chakra vows…

    instead of taking the vow to be ultra responsible – i took the vow to be ultra warrior

    to never have needs

    and to sacrifice


    to HONOR sacrifice

    i can see the conflict in this for me

    and im willing to heal this now

  241.  #241liz on December 27, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    THIS IS SO HARD…..how do you describe yourself in feeling messages?

    I feel like I am a hot babe?
    ha ha

    and plus now I feel embarrassed because it was such a completely dorky profile and accountantCD read it….it was so fucking stupid no wonder no guy is emailing me.

  242.  #242liz on December 27, 2011 at 5:45 pm


    Thanks for your comments Jean and Daria, I already felt that way about my profile, that’s why i posted it here. So i am just expressing how much i really don’t like myself and how hard it is to be in the feminine when i am presenting myself to the world.

    You didn’t make me feel stupid….you just validated that i should get that off the site and include something else.

  243.  #243tenny on December 27, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    @ Liz # 225

    “I [feel so comfortable with] a partner who is intelligent, active, fun, sensuous and kind.
    I enjoy doing being outdoors and activities that make me feel sweet, gentle, smart, creative and healthy – I especially feel good playing tennis. I am physically fit and feel good looking good. I am passionate about learning and am mastering holistic health counseling.”

    Not that you should use this, but just an idea how to infuse some feeling messages into your profile. You have to FEEL it yourself first. Hope that helps

  244.  #244Rori Raye on December 27, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    To All – Every once in a while I get a comment in moderation that is desperate, suicidal, and talks about ending life. I cannot allow that out of moderation, nor can I answer it personally in any way – legally, I am constrained from doing so. So – if you are a woman who’s written a comment here about wanting her life to end over a man – please, please get some professional help, call any Suicide Prevention Hotline (when I was in the darkest pit in my life, I made good use of Suicide Prevention – not because I wanted to end my life, but because they were there to talk to at all hours and were trained to listen). It breaks my heart to not let the comments through and let this community help you, and yet, that’s how it is, so I accept and love that – and you know I accept and love you, too…and send you love. Rori

  245.  #245liz on December 27, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    here is my new profile

    thanks for your feedback in advance….is it better?



    This feels really hard to describe myself and introduce myself, so here goes. I am a woman who feels comfortable in various situations. I feel a preference for casual and feel best spending time outdoors, but also love the feeling of getting dressed up occassionally to go out and get treated to a really nice dinner. I feel shy sometimes but also feel really at home talking in front of a group. I love feeling challenged by trying new things and feel really excited by taking in beautiful music or sunrises/sunsets or by jumping in a stream no matter what time of the year it is. I feel excited to meet men new to me and learn more about varying expressions of the XY chromosome.

    It feels really good to me to get to know someone over coffee or a short walk, maybe by the lake.

    I feel happy that I get to teach people about eating good tasting food and food that makes our bodies feel good for my job. It feels supportive to me that I get to enjoy my friends and family here in vermont, at small get togethers or sharing times outdoors. It feels good to me to have homecooked meals as well as dining out. I feel so appreciative of the great food we have here in vermont.
    I feel hopeful for more snow so maybe there will be more opportunites for winter fun. I feel extremely happy and grateful to be a mom to my 11 year old son. I guess that is about it. I feel like I am pretty easy to be with and feel like I am grounded and relatively able to be in the present moment.

  246.  #246Lizka on December 27, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Thank you Jean. I also thought of public transportation, but I’m in a really small town in Florida. I haven’t see a bus in 2 days… 🙁 I really thought of everything.

    Also, my father is not really someone easy to communicate to. He is very closed and doesn’t talk a lot.I don’t see him very often too and I don’t feel that comfortable with him. It’s almost like beeing with a stranger. And my mother-in-law, there’s no way I can tell her how I feel. Right now I feel so mad at her that I don’t feel like talking to her. So I’m closing up too… bad thing I know… I don’t want my vacation to be like that. Right now I don’t see a solution. All I see is 1. smile, do what they want me to do and pretend I am happy (but this is not taking care of myself…) or 2. Fight to do what I want to do and make everyone unhappy.

    Awww I feel baaaaad. It’s my f*cking vacation, I was counting the days to it, and telling everyone about it, and now when I come back, I feel sad that I won’t have good stories to share about it.

    I feel sad because I could have spend that money on an all inclusive with some girl friends and just really enjoy myself doing stuff I like and meet people my age and maybe even Cdating! Here, there’s no one to date. Just a village of old people and the ony thing they do is fishing. I went to the beach today and there was only families and old couples. Only saw one nice man my age and he didn’t look at me even thought I had the sexiest bikini in town. 🙁 I guess it’s my vibe.

    Awww I miss my world, I miss my mom who’s always so nice to me and doing everything to make me happy, I miss my girl friends, I miss E, I miss P, I miss my other CDs, I even miss my job!!!!!

  247.  #247Lizka on December 27, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    My girl friend works for an Airline. I almost want to call her and ask her to get me a cheap ticket to come back home. But this would so hurt my father. And I don’t want that. I know I have to think of me, but hurting my father is not something I can do, even thought I feel super mad right not for not being supported.

  248.  #248Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 6:18 pm


    RE: #245 – I love all the feeling messages! Here is what I would tweak:

    “This feels really hard to describe myself and introduce myself, so here goes.” ~ Needed?

    I would put this part, “It feels good to me to have homecooked meals as well as dining out. I feel so appreciative of the great food we have here in vermont.” after this sentence, “I feel happy that I get to teach people about eating good tasting food and food that makes our bodies feel good for my job.”

    Instead of saying, “I feel so appreciative of the great food we have here in Vermont,” I would say, “Vermont-style food like homemade blueberry pancakes with real maple syrup and butter or Yankee pot roast taste scrumptious!”

  249.  #249Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    For Liz :

    I feel a little bit shy writing about myself…

    This feels a little silly to say, but I love learning. It feels so fun and thrilling to me! Natural health feels fascinating to me so I’ve been learning a lot about that lately… got certified in holistic health counseling – just now! – by the Integrative Nutrition Institute and I’m feeling confident about my yummy-healthy-cooking skills :). Pesto on noodles and veggies from my garden feels like heaven.

    I also feel so good moving around outside… I LOVE Vermont! Hiking, jumping in rivers, soaking in moonlight feels Amazing out here! Tennis feels fun and sometimes I can feel carried away getting competitive *blush.*

    It would feel great to meet a man that I feel secure with, who I can feel protected from bears with on my outdoor adventures – and that I can feel safe to open my heart to. Someone who can make me feel impressed with their brain skills and that I feel comfy enjoying love and yummy food with.

  250.  #250Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    I would say something like Esteemed said – more poetry – but make it a feeling message.

    Feels scrumptious, feels delicious, feels yummy works

  251.  #251Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    Lizka – maybe its something that is healthy for you and your father’s relationship. your boundaries. or… maybe its something that won’t feel good.

    but tolerating not good feeling treatment does NOT heal anyone (father or you)

  252.  #252Tiffany on December 27, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    I used to read those Ursula K. LeGuin novels!!!

    I remember being really into them at the time, although now I can barely remember them. I am sure – as with most stories we encounter as children – they would have totally new meaning for me if I were to read them again as an adult…

  253.  #253Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    its not about solution 1 or 2, its the Rori Raye 3rd way
    which is sharing our feelings while looking them in the eye

    i feel so angry, i feel so overhwhelmed…

    and give up control of anything being solved…

    thats where the healing magic happens

  254.  #254Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    To the unposted person who feels suicidal:

    I felt suicidal for two days after the man I loved led me on to believe he was going to propose to me and then instead called a special meeting just to say, “It’s just a friendship; I’m not in love with you.”

    I feel your pain, and I want you to know that you can make it. It was 2.5 years ago for me, and now I feel like I am in the light at the other side of the tunnel!

    Sometimes the pain feels so great that it seems like it would feel better to just die than to go on feeling that pain. You have come to a place where there is love and acceptance. We are not perfect here, but it is a very supportive sisterhood, and we encourage and teach each other as we each baby step through our own growth process.

    And I have learned that, even tho we think it is about romance and relationship, this is really the process of learning how to romance and love ourselves. As we each find inner healing, the right man gradually arises to be by our sides and loves us as we deserve to be loved, as we have learned to love ourselves.

    Is it a loving action to yourself to kill yourself? No. Just ask God to steady your hand and heart and take you thru this dark night of the soul. Sometimes it is darkest before the dawn.

    I am not a trained counselor, but if you want someone to talk to, please feel free to email me at brendaearthlink@yahoo.com.

    Hugs and prayers to you! Esteemed

  255.  #255liz on December 27, 2011 at 6:25 pm


    This should be your new gig…..that is super great, that is super humorous the part about the bears….!
    Thanks so much….i really like that.

    Jean i would love to have some wine with you while we made up things to say….

    Esteemed, I am going to tweak that part about the vermont food….

    oh i feel so excited that i have such a great group of new girlfriends to help me with my new dating profile and i bet it will generate more hits than my other tomboy profile…..

  256.  #256Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    during my vacation, i got out of the car and walked away when my dad was acting in a way that felt bad to me

    my mom did too

    my dad seemed very upset that day, and it felt uncomfortable, and we did nothing of the plans that day

    but the next day still felt good. actually it healed a lot in my family, just by me having a boundary like that

    i lov eme and my healing

  257.  #257Lizka on December 27, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    Oh Hi Liz!

    Sorry I just saw your message. Yes it does feel good. I feel better already now that I have Internet and that I can come here. But my father made a comment about me not being sociable, something like “why don’t you leave the computer and join us [talking about stupid & boring sh*ts…]”

    I don’t want to be tell what to do or who to talk to. Specially NOT during my vacation. Vacation that costed me so much money and 2 weeks of my 4 weeks of vacation at work.

  258.  #258Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    Daria and Liz,

    RE: #249 – Daria, I love what you did with Liz’s profile!

    Liz, you gotta get that in there about real maple syrup! LOL! My Mom grew up in Vermont, and that is integral in my memories! That and the beautiful green hills everywhere!

  259.  #259tenny on December 27, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    Having a dark moment
    trying to infuse sunrays into it
    thinking of my ex’s
    the one who stabbed my heart repeatedly with pain was the one I truly loved – looking back he was a strong man. Each man after him was weak. I backed away from strong because I got my heart mauled. I hug myself because it’s okay to try again. Rori’s program got me to this point – and I understand now. Wow, the light come out of the dark. Feeling relieved now.

  260.  #260liz on December 27, 2011 at 6:30 pm


    I wanted to say something also to the person who felt suicidal.
    I know how that feels, and it is usually triggered by a guy who is not validating us…..I remember when my ex-husband and I had a conflict and I literally felt I was so worthless that I should lay down on the train tracks and wait for the 9:05 pm to come flying by…..thank-god for my good friend who just understood my pain and I felt heard and listened to….it usually is that old pain of not being heard and listened to that gets triggered by present time….and I will listen to you and so will all these wonderful sirens….
    Remember that you are a beautiful soul and a worthwhile being that has a unique gift to bring to the world and that is why you are here, to find that gift and share it……

    Love to you
    May you connect with loving angels and loving people and know that that love is for YOU.

  261.  #261Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    i need hugs, and i need reassurance that i will always be supported

    love me!

  262.  #262Lizka on December 27, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Maybe I should do something smart and talk to my dad. Have a real feeling conversation with my dad and tell him about my boundaries.

    I feel upset and not respected. I feel dependant without a car. I don’t want to follow you and your girlfriend everywhere you go. I want to do my own things. What can we do?

    But we already kind of had this conversation. And all what came out is we will make plans all together the day before. But I don’t want to make plans all together. I want to do my stuff. I feel like crying again… Will go smoke another one…

    Headache also. Worst vacation ever. And there is 9 days left. I want to go home.

  263.  #263Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    feels like a breastplate on my chest

    child still wants to be seen and encouraged and supported

    and wants to know SHE WONT BE LEFT alone, to be lonely


  264.  #264Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    I feel so happy after texting even more with R last night – Yes, Ms. Unposted, he is the same man who hurt me worse than any other human being! He has grown, and I have grown! Our friendship is gradually coming together again, and I feel so happy again!

    About an hour after the text I posted last night, he said…

    R: Were you done talking?

    E: No. 🙂

    R: Hahahahaha. Then why did u stop?

    E: Because I like it with two-way conversations.

    After some personal back-and-forth, he wrote:

    R: I think I am getting close to healing. I think this is going to be the year.

    E: Beautiful! Maybe tomorrow!

    R: Any time now. Any moment!

    E: Yes! I think I am getting close to total weight loss. I think this is going to be the year.

    R: I don’t think u should worry so much about weight loss. You’re beautiful the way you are.

    E: Thank you.

    R: YW

    I love him!

  265.  #265Tiffany on December 27, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    I am writing this by the light of my Hanukkah candles…beautiful 🙂

    And I’m here because I think I have been doing a bit of back-sliding today…oy

    I hate promises. Let me explain:

    On Sunday night, I spoke to K2, who has been such a sweetie, and if I can’t honestly say that he’s been “stepping up,” he has at least been the most emotionally engaged of my CDs of late. And I’ve just been happily receiving all that he has to offer. And then….On Sunday night, he said that he would “call me tomorrow,” meaning Monday.

    So, okay. No problems there. I figured he would call. I didn’t ask for a time, since I know he is with his family, and he has to step away from them in order to make a call to me. And I wasn’t really worried about it. I had a great day for myself. I went shopping in the morning/early afternoon. Then I went out for a late matinee with a friend of mine. All in all, a perfect day. (well, sort of….)

    During the film, he texted me. Nothing much. Just hi and that he was cold (in a cold area, lol). So I responded. I felt a bit lean-forwardy, though. I didn’t understand why he was texting when he said he would call. Finally, I just asked if he was going to call me that evening. So he said yes, in an hour. I was happy.

    But 40 minutes later, he said he was going out to do something with his dad. It was already getting late for me, and I didn’t want to stay up.

    Even when I think of it now, I don’t like the feeling of being put off. If he was going out, why not just take a few minutes to call me then?

    He kept texting me, while he was out with his dad. And after a while, I just fell asleep. I woke up to a few more texts from him, but no call.

    He texted me again in the morning, to ask if I had slept well. And that’s where I think I went wrong…

    I could have just sent a little ‘yes, thank you’ or something back. and my first response was not too bad.

    But it was followed by three more texts (from me)….

    First I said I was sad that he hadn’t called.

    Then I said it wasn’t a big deal, just that it didn’t make sense to promise to call and then not.

    And then I said, if he was going to call, it should be during the day, not at night, because I like to sleep early. Then “what do you think?”

    Nothing. No response.

    Oddly, I haven’t felt too worried about it. All day, after that last message, I have just had this voice in the back of my mind, telling me that it’s going to be fine, just wait to see what he does. But part of me is also worried that he thinks I am mad at him.

    I am not mad. I am simply feeling jealous that he is spending so much time with his family, and I get the little scraps of attention that are left. I want more with that. But I also know this is a temporary situation. I guess part of me just isn’t sure that it is temporary. Part of me is not sure, 100% that when his family leaves, I am going to get any better attention than I am getting now.

    Which is why I am still CD-ing, of course!!! yes. I am communicating with several guys by email. I even allowed one to guy to sleep with me, because, well, I wanted to, and since K2 and I have not discussed exclusivity, well, then, I can’t be exclusive with him. And especially if he is knowingly leaving me sort of “in the lurch” during this holiday season….

    I am also stressed (slightly) about New Year’s Eve plans. I have one party I can go to, by myself, if nothing else works out. And maybe it will be fine if I do nothing with him. Maybe I don’t want to put so much weight on it, like he has to spend his New Year’s with me. He doesn’t have to. He should do it, if he wants to. But ONLY if he wants to. If he’d rather do something else, then what am I to say to that? “No, don’t do it?” I mean, I want to have fun on New Year’s. But the last time I tried to make plans with him, sneaking away from his family, it turned out to be so stressful. He’s still glad that he came out, but it was very stressful for me, and I didn’t like it. I want to avoid that this time.

    So maybe I should just tell him we should cool it. I don’t know. I don’t want to put the pressure on. but I don’t want him to think that I am “breaking up” with him, either.

    I think what we need is a real “heart-to-heart” as it were, and it’s been so long since we saw each other in person, sober and not partying, that that kind of talk is long overdue. The fact that he’s been able to have these conversations with me before is why he is still around.

    I’m wondering if I should call him tonight….

    No, probably not.

    Though he did say once (actually, more than once), that he wanted me to call him more often. It was on Sunday, when I asked if he wanted me to call him, that he said he would call me.

    And that’s why I hate promises…they mess everything up.

  266.  #266Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 6:47 pm


    You deserve all the support in the world!

  267.  #267liz on December 27, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Daria and Lizka,

    Re family and healing…..it really feels so bad to feel the old feelings around family and have to keep them inside…..especially when we have been working so hard to get them out!!!!

    So I have an experience to share that is like Daria’s and i think it has brought healing.

    I just wanted to share my experience with my father two months ago. He was very abusive. And I was always the sweet daughter no matter what. But this caused a lot of pain to carry around all that anger and no matter how long I meditated, etc. I could not get to forgiveness for him…..I felt so unspiritual….

    Then he called me on the phone, he lives in florida, to tell me how he always does what the temperature is up here in vermont where I live….well, I just lost it.

    I said I know it is 60 degrees here Dad, I LIVE here. And then I just kept going and told him how I really felt so unsupported by him and how mad I was at him for some of the ways he kept us from being successful…..well, he is giving me space and he has a newfound respect for me and I don’t have to worry about him calling me and telling me the temperature anymore where I live.
    It has given me peace and I think I am starting to feel a newfound compassion and forgiveness for him…..

    So this is a long-winded way of saying…..don’t hold it in Lizka, say it how you feel, but just try to choose your words and respect your boundaries, you don’t have anything to lose, because now you are losing yourself by not being true to yourself and you are resentful that your vacation sucks…..


  268.  #268Daria on December 27, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Thanks Esteemed!

  269.  #269Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Turquoise at the risk of offending you, he might not have been very helpful maybe because you were always jumping in to fill the gaps because of impatience? Now that you have Rori’s tools maybe you could experiment with talking about how overwhelming some things feel to you and that you don’t feel like doing them. He might end up feeling needed and jump into giving those things to you. If he is available at times he is a candidate for practicing the tools and for you to practice keeping the focus on you and living in the moment. Consciously stop your mind from thinking about him and what might be or could be when you are with him. You just never know. You are a different person now and it is possible for him to experience you as different. Just total drop the expectations and focus on having fun with the tools.

  270.  #270Femininewoman on December 27, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Thanks Daria.

  271.  #271Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Ms. Unposted and Feeling Suicidal:

    Here is a free online seminar about breakups:

    FAST ACCESS: http://www.breakupsolutionsummit.com/event

  272.  #272Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    I am feeling crazy in love like I did 3 years ago. I tend to feel intense emotions. I need to slow my roll and keep it at a friendship level in my mind and soul. Dunno how to do that.

  273.  #273Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    I feel good to feel feminine. Femininity and emotions are good. I don’t need to punish myself or limit myself because of being a feminine, feeling woman.

  274.  #274Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    I can feel intense emotions and still lead a balanced life. I can channel my emotions and intensity in productive directions:

    Cooking healthy meals
    Cleaning and organizing my house
    Helping others in both practical ways and in inner healing
    Taking care of and loving my animals
    Creating…I want to draw and paint again, which I have done little of in 30 years.

    Yes, creativity is the direction I want to do. Creativity is the highest form of human functioning. I want to imagine and then create what I imagined in my mind and heart.

    Intense emotions = Good

  275.  #275Lizka on December 27, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Thank you Liz. Your story feels really hopefull to read. I will definitly try to talk to my dad. But it’s so hard because the annoying girl friend is always around and I don’t want her to hear what I have to say. She will reply and I don’t want that.

    I know I am repeating but god it’s good to be here!!

  276.  #276Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    When I feel intense crazy in love emotions, I don’t have to lean forward and contact R. I can channel those emotions doing things that will help me be my best self, while serving the relationship by letting it grow organically.

    I can work on getting my life in order, exercising, etc.

  277.  #277Starla on December 27, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Lizka, I feel your pain, girl! i hope you get a nice vacation out of it after all. i’m still crossing my fingers that it’ll work out for you.

    i happen to LOVE small florida beach towns, and i wonder which one you’re in?

  278.  #278Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    My brother and I exchange spoonerisms almost every day by text! It is fun, and it has done a lot to rebuild a positive friendship between us. He just came up with one of the best ones ever:

    Mom always told me not to put a bag on my head.


    Mom always told me not to put a hag on my bed.


  279.  #279Lizka on December 27, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    I have a huge headache. I think my body is not happy with my feelings and he is letting me know. I will go have a tylenol, remove my make up and go to bed. I will cry a little.It should feel good after a whole day of holding the tears… tomorrow, I will figure a way to talk to my father.

    But the thing is HE is not really the problem… It’s more about my mother-in-law (and there is NO way I will talk with her, I am not close enough to her to talk and specially not in feeling messages). Will that really change something if I talk with my father?

  280.  #280Lizka on December 27, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Starla thank you 🙂

    I haven’t forget to say hi to your grandmother in my mind for you…

    I am in Port Ste-Lucie. It’s beatyfull, but no transportation and no way to be independant like I am in my big city in Canada…

  281.  #281Starla on December 27, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Esteemed, I love spoonerisms! CF and I talk to each other like that all the time as situations allow, lol. that is a GOOD one, i’m going to put it up my sleeve and i’ll be sure to give you credit when i use it and he marvels over its awesomeness:):)

  282.  #282Starla on December 27, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Oooh, if you don’t mind I’m going to look up about port st. lucie a bit. I’ve done a bunch of traveling alone in many different types of cities with little cash and no transportation, and i always found something wonderful to do!

    What kinds of things do you feel interested in doing while on vacation?

  283.  #283Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 7:29 pm


    Does your car have an owner manual?

  284.  #284liz on December 27, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    Thank-you everybody for reading my profile…..it is now posted with the editing of you amazing feeling beings.

  285.  #285Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 7:34 pm


    You can get burned if you light a fire.

    Did you have witty socks on the holidays?

    I really enjoy hot dogs with wire forks on Independence Day.

  286.  #286Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 7:35 pm


    RE: #284 – Yay! Good job!

  287.  #287Starla on December 27, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    oooh lizka, there is a 6 route bus system in the area. i can help you figure it all out relative to your hotel location if you want me to email you, but for now here is the buses:


  288.  #288liz on December 27, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Here it is:

    Daria, I decided to include wild bobcats because I really did run into one in the woods one night about dusk.

    I was by myself and it was late summer. I was about a mile away from the trailhead and coming back down and I decided to go off the trail and skinnydip. There was not anybody around, but I had this feeling someone was watching me. I jumped in the brook and got out and then scrambled back up the cliff to the trail…..then I heard a scream like an old woman calling out….and next thing I know, I am facing a bobcat who stepped onto the trail in front of me…..

    It was such an incredible moment…..we just stared at each other……it seemed like it wanted me to crouch down….but then I thought it might want to eat me, so I asked it to get off the trail, so I could get to my car….(I know, what a stupid thing to say at such a profound moment) I could have said, you are beautiful or something like that….but anyway, as soon as I opened my mouth, the cat dissappeared…..

    And i felt so blessed and scared and amazed and flabbergasted that that bobcat had meant to meet me….I still don’t really know the meaning of it…..

    Thanks for listening…..
    you have a great night…..

  289.  #289Daria on December 27, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Lizka – it sounds like you could practice speaking in feeling messages with your dad’s gf as well… feeling messages are for YOU and takng a step to be so expressive of yourself with someone you don’t really feel safe with is will be a big empower step for you

  290.  #290liz on December 27, 2011 at 7:47 pm


    I just read your post about feeling dark.

    And your ex that you loved so much…..why did you love him so much and where is that feeling in your body?
    Is the love there trying to meet some unmet need from your childhood, is what I am trying to get at……
    The exes that I loved the most were the ones that I was trying the hardest with, who were repeating patterns I was familiar with….does this resonate with you or is it something different…..regardless, i hope that you feel safe opening up your heart to the light, since the light will always heal the dark
    Love AND light,

  291.  #291Starla on December 27, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    lol lizka, i just learned that Vanilla Ice and Megan Fox both lived in the city you’re visiting.

  292.  #292liz on December 27, 2011 at 7:49 pm


    Here’s a hug for you…..


    Hope you feel supported……you made me feel supported writing my profile…. 🙂

  293.  #293liz on December 27, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Hi Tiffany,

    I am no expert on all this since I am just starting being a siren and yesterday I totally leaned forward and called accountantCD and emailed him twice…..and just got one email back……in which he said “I am really turned on by your woman energy. I’m in bed right now thinking about it. That’s all I can say for now. When you are turned on wow I am too.”
    This is in response to my emails saying that I appreciated him giving me free consults, and making me feel sexy for being 51 and even though I wish he had not breached our friendship by bringing up the sexual attraction between us, I felt like I also amped up the attraction between us by running my female energy in his office quietly…..this email from him is total validation that men are much simpler than women…..but it was not exactly an apologetic response or trying to make amends…..so I just ignored it and did not respond……

    So Tiffany, to me,a very inexperienced siren, your texts sounded fine. They were not blamey. And he probably was just busy with his family and you know how that goes sometimes. At least he was texting and making an effort…I am sure you will talk soon.

  294.  #294Susan on December 27, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    RE: 122: TiaraDiva,

    If it was me, I’d rockstar it and take the train and let him pick me up and show me his town. What a wonderful adventure!

  295.  #295Lisa on December 27, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    I got into a disagreement with my guy on christmas eve… and he’s sent me a quick text message to say hi last night (the 26th) and haven’t spoken or texted otherwise. I’m trying to do nothing as you instruct but I’m going slightly nuts about knowing the fate of our relationship….
    Should I do anything? I miss talking to him… I’m sorry I already know what you’re going to say but I’m new at your techniques and this is making me seek guidance…


  296.  #296Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 8:20 pm


    My Mom also told my brother to never visit the Boar’s Head Inn.

  297.  #297Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    I want to cuddle with R so bad. I miss cuddling with him most of all.

  298.  #298Starla on December 27, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    LOL Esteemed!

  299.  #299Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    230 Daria
    I find this interesting…I don’t quite understand but I want to understand…could you please elaborate / explain? 🙂 I want to learn about how to heal this…..I’m all about letting go of things right now…
    false beliefs, toxic people, NVs that play over in my head…

    232 Lizka
    I’m so sorry you are not having fun. 🙁 I know you were so excited about this trip, too. Hugs and happy new year…I think 2012 will be a good year. 🙂

  300.  #300Daria on December 27, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    i feel so rageful that when i’ve rockstarred it and went to the man

    i always felt so shocked afterward when he STILL wouldn’t come to me

    even tho he’d been saying he would and he seemed so solid and step up


    missing hawkman


  301.  #301Starla on December 27, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    It feels really encouraging that things still feel fresh and affectionate with CF even though we had a conflict. I am “used to” the complete opposite, and feel so afraid that once conflict enters the relationship that all the magic is on its way out. I can usually feel it right away.

    but actually i feel safe and good and grounded, and he was very careful to make sure i understood that just because we had a conflict (our first, really) doesn’t mean he is any less interested in making me happy, and not in an overbearing matter of fact way, but just in that he acted NORMAL with me, like nothing is different. because, to him, nothing actually is different, even if we stop getting along perfectly for a minute.

    i’ve never experienced that sort of lightness and freedom before! i felt such dread wash over me at first, but it all turned out to be very easy and not at all bothersome. all i had to do was focus on being my girl and not overfunctioning my way through the discomfort, and voila, this feels easy and healing!

  302.  #302Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    233 Daria
    do one paragraph about hwo you feel during your daily life

    and one paragraph about how you want to feel with your man

    How funny..this is so similar to how I write my profiles almost exactly! First I write that I feel happy and fortunate to be where I am (without “BRAGGING”) and then I just write feeling messages about how I feel with a man and get some imagery going and what I’d like to feel / share with my man

  303.  #303liz on December 27, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Good night sirens!

    I have to get to sleep so I can have my belated christmas with my son, he comes back tomorrow and I still have to wrap his presents and get ready to cook a christmas dinner and tomorrow we go to see the TinTin movie….any TinTin fans out there?

    I have really felt loved and supported and that has helped me feel brave to put a feminine profile out there for the world to see!

  304.  #304Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    249 Daria I just read this, I like it alot! Sounds great! You are a good writer!

  305.  #305Daria on December 27, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Emerson – well ive noticed with myself a voice that says

    “i’ll be successful and Ill SHOW my dad! my way will work! and then they’ll be sorry for putting me down!”

    thats the vow to get even – its not conscious

    its one of the vows at 2nd chakra in the Margaret Lynch program

    problem is, it actualy keeps us stuck doing the exact thing we’re not wanting… it Keeps us in that victim mode so we never get to feel free

    cuz its covering up our anger

  306.  #306Daria on December 27, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    thanks ladies.

    feel free to shoot the profiles on here and i’ll try my hand at them

    i did my own profile in a similar way in 5 min and omgosh i get lots of compliments about it being different, open, down to earth, genuine

    and i get like 100’s of new messages a week on pof

  307.  #307Daria on December 27, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    Emerson – have you checked out Mama Gena?

    her books SOOO Inspired me to have a diva attitude

    she encourages bragging – of our pleasures and accomplishments

    – i like the idea of express not impress, and i think i can still brag this way nonetheless –

    and it feels freer to give myself the freedom to BRAG cuz it feels good

    im bragging to say

    this guy who is my new friend in town texted me to hang out, and now him and his friends are picking me up in 30 min!

  308.  #308Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    R and I are texting right now, and he opened it up for me to ask him anything. I started with more general questions, and then I got daring: I asked him what was his favorite moment of the first 3 months we started getting to know each other.

    He said, “Christmas Eve, when we talked for 6 hours.”

    I feel so elated! He finally made some acknowledgement about that! It was our first date, and I wanted him to mention it the other night, that it was the 3rd anniversary of our first date. Trying to decide if I should say something about that…or what to ask him next…any input is welcum!

  309.  #309Daria on December 27, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    Emerson thank you for letting me know you liked the profile it feels yummay!

  310.  #310Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    liz, I can’t wait to hear about the response you get from your profile!

    I don’t even post a picture, but my written profile is very feelingy and I paint a picture of a dreamy scene be it a snowy one or a beach one….and I get all romantic-ey…. and I get men contacting me and feeling intrigued, even with no pic! Some don’t even ask for it right away! They usually make a comment about one of my feeling messages. It’s so powerful!

    I’ve been using feeling messages on my Dad and Brother. It’s great because they drop what they are doing to help me. 🙂 funny and kind of cute. Like aww they are trying to help….and be all manly. 🙂

  311.  #311Starla on December 27, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Esteemed, i would say lean back. put the ball back in his court, and say “your turn.” let him ask you a question.

    i play the truth game with all my guys, they looove taking turns answering and asking questions like this…i never understood why but they all eat it up and will play for however long you let them.

  312.  #312liz on December 27, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    Whoops, i forgot to post the profile, i was so excited about sharing my encounter with the bobcat….can you believe that i actually ran into a bobcat, two feet away from me, in front of me on the trail?

    so here is the profile with all the editing, i tried to get it all in there:


    I feel a little shy writing about myself but here goes. I prefer casual and feel best spending time outdoors, but also love the feeling of getting dressed up occassionally to go out and get treated to a really nice dinner. I feel quiet sometimes but also feel really at home talking in front of a group. I love feeling challenged by trying new things. This feels a little silly to say, but i love learning. It feels so fun and thrilling to me! Integrative nutrition feels fascinating to me so I have been learning a lot about that lately…..got certified in holistic health counseling-just now!-by the Institute of Integrative Nutrition and am feeling confident about my yummy-healthy-cooking skills…..Pesto from the garden feels like heaven on earth with Tinkyada rice noodles and fresh veggies…..and a harvest moon…I feel really excited by taking in beautiful music or sunrises/sunsets or by jumping in a stream no matter what time of the year it is. I feel intruiged to meet a man new to me and learn more about his unique expression of the XY. It would feel great to meet a man that I feel secure with, who I can feel protected from wild bobcats with on my outdoor adventures in the brooks-and that I can feel safe to open my heart to. Someone who can make me feel impressed with all that he knows and does and that I feel comfy enjoying love and yummy food with. I totally love being outdoors and being in nature, like walking or x-coutry skiing, or like swimming or riding a bike or just standing by the lake or a river and watching the water. and listening. I also don’t really have a lot of tennis partners right now, (that would be zero) so tennis would feel fun and sometimes I can feel carried away playing to win, even though mom always said to let the guys win….and I still feel like that was really not good advice…..(and I like ping-pong too!) I would love a chance to hit that fuzzy yellow ball around the court…..Also I am physically fit and enjoy that feeling of moving my body, especially outside here in vermont, in the woods or on a trail or in the water…
    It feels fun to me to get to know someone over coffee or a short walk, maybe by the lake. It would feel great to meet a man that I feel secure with, who I can feel protected from wild bobcats with on my outdoor adventures in the brooks-and that I can feel safe to open my heart to. Someone who can make me feel impressed with all that they know and do and that I feel comfy enjoying love and yummy food with.

    I feel happy that I get to teach people about eating good tasting food and food that makes our bodies feel good for my job. It feels supportive to me that I get to enjoy my friends and family here in vermont, at small get togethers or sharing times outdoors. It feels good to me to have homecooked meals as well as dining out. Vermont has the greatest food, i love eating purple carrots on my salads and local bacon with my free range eggs with the bright orange yolks and drenching my blueberry pancakes with grade B maple syrup….
    I feel hopeful for more snow so maybe there will be more opportunites for winter fun. I feel extremely happy and grateful to be a mom to my 11 year old son. I get to feel like a kid again and to go sledding and try to keep up with him on his jackjumper. I guess that is about it. I feel like I am pretty easy to be with and feel like I am grounded and relatively able to be in the present moment.

  313.  #313Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    OMG and my profile is not always well written persay…it’s kinda sporatic and messy sounding sometimes…(I change it sometimes just to mix it up)

  314.  #314Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    He is acting like it is just a friendship. My theory is that he is just acting. How can I know? Nevermind, you all think it is an imaginary relationship anyway.

  315.  #315Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 9:08 pm


    RE: #310 – I have known him for 3 years. Our conversations have LAARGELY consisted of him asking me deep questions and me answering deeply. He is finally willing to open up to me. We are at a different stage.

  316.  #316Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    I asked him what three wishes he would ask for if a genie offered them to him. He said:

    1. Healed of schizophrenia

    2. That I’d be with my True Love

    3. That the world would become a Paradise.

    I asked him, “What would a woman have to do, or who would a woman have to be, to be your true love?”

  317.  #317Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 9:13 pm

    I am trying to put some mental effort into this, to be savvy and psychologically wise. Because he is thinking circles around me. I want him to be exclusive with me. Three years is long enough.

    Feeling messages are a TOOL, not an entire way of life! I’m not an empty headed woman here!

  318.  #318Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    R: 1. That I would be healed of schizophrenia. 2. That I’d be with my True Love. 3. That the World would become a Paradise.

    B: What would a woman have to do, or who would a woman have to be, to be your true love?

    R: I imagine it’s just one of those things you see after you have met someone, altho I think many time’s we’re wrong.

    B: Or blind

    B: I wonder if you are deflecting my question?

    R: If you want me to be more specific, I would say she will probably seem like a fairy tale princess to me or a goddess.

  319.  #319Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    Feeling at a loss as to how to navigate/negotiate with this man. There is more to relationships than feeling messages! I will go insane if I go on and on baring my heart with feeling messages and never having a compass to tell me for real if he wants anything more than friendship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  320.  #320Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    R: ?

    E: I am feeling like I am walking through deep water here. I am feeling like this is a conversation that should be held in person.

  321.  #321Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    R: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m lost.

    E: Ok

  322.  #322Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    I want to pick up the phone and beg, “I want to be your woman!”


  323.  #323Turquoise on December 27, 2011 at 9:42 pm


    I like it… and I’ve tried it all sorts of ways, long, short, feeling messages, something more of an all about me page, what I’m looking for, etc. One thing I’ve learned, it’s good to freshen it up from time to time and add new pictures. Good luck! 🙂 I hope you hear from lots of potential dates!

    Lillybelly,thanks for the welcome back! Feels great to reconnect and catch up.

    FW, I don’t have any expectations of him, at least not any positive ones at the moment. Most of our conversing at the moment is sharing funny/sweet moments about the girls. I’ve also given a few heartfelt thank you’s for all he did for us (for those who don’t know my story, my ex bought us a beautiful house in August. I pay about half the mortgage, he covers everything else.) We had a really fabulous Christmas. I’ve also hosted Thanksgiving, a girls’ night in, a football party, Halloween get together, and a few dinners and it’s felt wonderful to be proud of our home, welcoming to family and friends, and so peaceful to have all this room to breath in.

    You wondered if he wasn’t helpful before because I jumped in to do it all… but that wasn’t the case. I was a stay home mom so he regularly said it was my JOB to take care of the house, kids, cooking, bills, pets, errands, etc. It was frustrating. He didn’t want to help, but would complain if the house wasn’t neat enough. He’s in the military, so when he was deployed I had to do everything, when he was home, I resented that he didn’t want to help more. We’ve been separted for 6 years now, divorced for 3… and I’ve truly done it all. So, now that he wants to help when he’s here to see the girls, wants to fix/change some things at the house for me, it’s new and really refreshing. Maybe I’m different now. I did ask him to help carry boxes and heavy items up from the garage and for his opinion on how I should set things up. I offered to wrap his presents for the girls because they were going skiing and needed to get on the road. He was appreciative. What was really nice though, was that while he was here he just jumped in and helped, reminded the girls that they needed to help more, worked with them on cleaning their rooms to his tough standards… just acted more like we were a team in this than I ever remember us being. Feeling messages and What do you think? are much more regular parts of my vocabulary now… it definitely has made a difference in our communication.

    I don’t have any grand expectations though and did meet someone new for a hot chocolate last night from POF. It was very disappointing though, not the caliber of what I’m looking for, he wasn’t forthcoming on his profile about a few things, but I am going to get back online, and while I’m working on myself, be open to new people and experiences. It’s hard though, because I feel like I’m faking it. I have feelings for someone else. I’m comparing everyone I meet to my ex, so not sure how things can progress beyond casual dates.

  324.  #324Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 9:50 pm

    321 Esteemed that urgent feeling is not good to dwell in….please take a deep breath. I know how you feel though…it’s hard.

    But try to perhaps take the focus off him and remember to CD yourself and focus on yourself…have a “me” day tomorrow…??

    Someone on the blog earlier said something about reconnect your relationship and how it talks about “stop thinking about him”

    I know it’s hard but I found that to be inspiring….

    Just take a breath and take it easy chica…it’s going to be alright.

  325.  #325Turquoise on December 27, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Esteemed… AKA B 🙂 Do you ever give him an opportunity to miss you? To let him persue you, and I mean more than just his initiating a text or phone call?

    I can relate because I feel like my ex knows if he wanted me back, I’d be there, but I also know that isn’t the best way to win anyone. If there is no challenge, they don’t necessarily need to step up, or make a decision, especially regarding exclusivity.

    It might be good for you to do a little soul searching and see if you really could just be his friend. If it never gets anymore serious than this, can you be satisfied? If he was dating someone else, would you still want to be his friend?

    It would be a very long road if my ex and I ever tried to be together again. We both have forgiven each other and apologized tremendously, but forgiving and forgetting are not the same things. I’ve realized though in our time apart, that I really still do love him, and I want him to be happy. If it’s not with me, then I wish him the best with someone else. It’s hard sometimes to just be his friend, but he’s been a part of my life for 18 years and I don’t want to lose that. We also have children who deserve the best from us, and to not make their lives more difficult with bickering/bitter parents.

    So, maybe you should ask yourself that question. If it could never be more than what it is now, and he moved on with someone else… could you have a healthy relationship with him and move on with your life?

    By the way, how’s the living/pet situation? Last I was on here, you were staying with a woman from your church and things were a little stressful. Hope you are doing well!

  326.  #326Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    Wow I just got an email from a VERY interesting CD that I find very attractive and he seems really nice and cute and interesting!!! OMG I feel excited.

  327.  #327Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 9:59 pm


    RE: #323 – Thanks! I had a me day today…and thot about him.

  328.  #328Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 10:04 pm


    Welcome back! I have a beautiful house now two blocks from a bay with a fenced in backyard!

  329.  #329Starla on December 27, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    esteemed, YOU are the prize, “savvy” and “psychological wisdom” feels unsireny, like chasing. i honestly wouldn’t worry too much about connecting to him psychologically, because the only way any woman can ever truly connect to commitment with a man is through his heart, anyway.

    just keep leaning back and using feeling messages and all of rori’s tools as much as possible, you’re doing great!!

  330.  #330Starla on December 27, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    BTW esteemed, with R specifically, I can see how leaning back would be even more helpful than feeling messages, so if you have to prioritize tools, maybe start there so it doesn’t feel so “nazi rules”?

    babysteps:) weee i love babysteps

    by leaning back i mean no asking him leading questions, no initiating, no establishing expectations. just responding to his interest in you and being your sweet little self:)

    essentially taking care of YOU by never setting yourself up for disappointment.

  331.  #331Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    I have to pull out of his labyrinth. This is not a simple, first three months relationship.

    Feeling messages are a tool. They give a man a compass to your heart. This man has a compass, map, and written directions to my heart. HE DOESN’T NEED ANY MORE!!

  332.  #332Starla on December 27, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    yeah i see what you mean about “he doesn’t need any more,” but i’m pretty hooked on feeling messages myself…i will never turn my back on them and for good reason i think, but what are you thinking of doing instead of using feeling messages?

  333.  #333Starla on December 27, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    ohh i’m sorry esteemed, i have to go to bed, i’ll check back in the morning.

    it’s just texting, so thankfully you could detach yourself from this triggering conversation until you feel more clear and less urgent, if you need, just tell him you feel tired and are gonna go take care of yourself, felt nice talking, goodnight.

    speaking of which, goodnight:)

  334.  #334Turquoise on December 27, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    Good night ladies 🙂 I’m heading to bed myself.

  335.  #335Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 10:36 pm


    Thanks for taking the time to respond. I feel tired and am going to go take care of myself. Felt nice talking.

    Good night! 😉

  336.  #336Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    326 Esteemed…I like what the other sirens were saying about leaning back…
    Please do…for yourself.

    I got in the same urgent feeling zone with Recycled, and ultimately, I got upset with him and it really sent him walking the other way. He always came back, sort of, but had I just kept CDing myself and focused elsewhere, who knows where things would be right now.

    I regret letting ‘expectations’ get the best of me. I kind of felt the same way…he was the one initiating time together and was really into me…things seemed so great, I felt excited and hopeful about him and I being together!!! OMG it was such a great feeling…I was being so sireny with him, I was happy about that

    and then it all fell apart after we had s*x, it changed my expectations. I really tried to not let that happen, but it did anyway.

    Anyway it’s not really a matter about if we had sex or not…but more that sometimes when *I* feel that things are at a level of intimacy, I start to “expect” something (more time, committment, etc) from the guy…I know I do this.

    The reality is that HE may be in a very different place….esp if he is not initiating a next level of committment (yet).

    Give it time.



    I wish I had.

  337.  #337Emerson on December 27, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    316 Esteemed this sounds like competition to me…putting thought into it to be savvy…etc…feels bad and like too much work.

  338.  #338Starbright on December 28, 2011 at 1:12 am


    Would you please please help me with a much better sounding profile?

    Thanks for any help you can provide!



    Looking for my Guy


    I’m looking for the love of my life! My life feels good and yet I’d like that special someone to talk with about the day’s events and have fun together!

    I have lots of interests from keeping up with the _______ baseball team and other area sports, taking a drive to somewhere new, listening to live music (and I like many types from folk, rock and roll to classical) or checking out a cultural event such as an art fair, museum, touring important architecture or seeing a play. I also feel great when I’m dancing, canoeing, kayaking, walking or hiking.

    I have interesting work that I love, a great family and friends and now I’m looking for that special fun guy that I feel great with! Is it you?

    First Date:

    For a first date I would like to do something fairly simple where we can get to know each other such as going to a coffee house, getting together for a drink, a museum exhibit or a park where we can walk and talk.


    ice skating, zumba, Live music, Architecture, Gardening, Walking, Baseball, Public radio and pbs, Photography, Art, Writing, Reading, Public Speaking, Intimate dinners and small dinner parties

  339.  #339mali on December 28, 2011 at 2:26 am

    Starla: Thankyou for your encouragement! 😉

    On the subject of breast size… Does anyone know of any ways to *decrease* size? Exercise is the only way I know, but I’d love to be advised of any other methods, if there are any 🙂

  340.  #340Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 2:31 am

    B: What would a woman have to do, or who would a woman have to be, to be your true love?

    CCarter says these types of questions, asking a man about what his ideal woman would be like, basically cements in the man’s mind that you are not his ideal woamn. It shows him that you would abandon yourself to try to be what he wants because you value him and his opinion more than you value yourself.

    Ladies I would take of this as something not to do if you want men to feel that you are the prize. It tells them they are the prize.

  341.  #341Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 2:34 am

    Mali you have to believe you are good enough the way you are for any man. Start touching any part of you and sending love to it if you are feeling any negativity towards it. I wish Dominique was here to respond to that comment about breasts. I suspect that you don’t like yours.

  342.  #342Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 2:40 am

    Starbright I would encourage you to try your hand at rewriting your profile while you wait for Daria. About your interests – I would include how I feel when I am engaged in them. I also don’t partcularly like the starting sentence about looking for love. Knowing men it might hit their psyche as desparate and maybe as the one who wants to do the pursuing they might feel hunted reading that. Just my thoughts……

    I believe relying on yourself to do it would be more empowering. There is an example above for Liz that I would use if I were you. Not saying you should not ask for help but that it would help to build your confidence if you try to rewrite it also.

  343.  #343Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 2:45 am

    Do you love feeling the breeze caressing your face and blowing through your hair as you take drives to new places and admiring new landscape? Do you feel exhilitarated inhaling the scent of fresh new air? Do you feel flowy and opening in your body when you move to music during zumba? Do you feel playful like a child on the playground as you dance?

    Starbight these are the types of images I would visualize in my head while writing.

  344.  #344Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 2:47 am

    Think of enjoying things and love down to your toes and imagine how you would feel inside and how you would show that on the outside. Do you know how you act when you feel silly? Can you paint a picture of that for a reader?

  345.  #345Kayla on December 28, 2011 at 2:55 am

    @all sirens:
    I posted a comment on the last post without even think… Lol I’m kinda feeling tipsy right now, so I’m feeling like that might have something to do with it.. But anyways, plz read my comment on the last post and say something about it..
    Thank you(:

  346.  #346Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 2:59 am

    “This man has a compass, map, and written directions to my heart. HE DOESN’T NEED ANY MORE!!”

    I hear Rori’s voice in Reconnect saying men are not fools. They know what we are doing though we are pretending and being inauthentic about what we want with them. When we give them the map and directions what mystery remains that challenges them to continue to pursue us and get to know us? When they have us the challenge is over, there is no mystery and they seek out new things to challenge them. Staying focussed on self and continung to explore and learn about self brings something new to share with others externally as we grow and expand ourselves.

  347.  #347Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 3:02 am

    In nature a cat plays with a mouse in front of it to get it running away so that it can chase it again.

  348.  #348Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 3:08 am

    Kayla here is my response

    I would say self talk is most important so that regardless of what any particular man says or does you know what to say to yourself to feel validated and confident. Whatever he says or does will be just icing on the cake as your self esteem is not dependent on him.

  349.  #349Aurora Girl on December 28, 2011 at 3:16 am

    Good morning Sirens…..

    I’d like to vent a little here this morning….

    I am so glad the holidays are winding down…..I have found them full. Last week my LD was here until Christmas eve morning when he had to head back to his town to be with his ailing mom and his sister’s family….all good. When he was here we were able to have a family dinner and also some alone time. Christmas day after my children went to their father’s for the next few days I traveled to his home town to be with his family for dinner. Again all good. The drives were “ok”. He had to work the next day, again ok since I brought some work I could do. He called a few times during the day and we texted to stay in touch.

    That day was the 10th anniversary of my father’s passing from cancer. I know I mentioned it to him a while ago and I know he forgot. But it is my worst day of the year emotionally. Not so much because I miss my father but because the memories are mixed and some of them are painful (he was physically abusive to me as the oldest child of 4 when giving out discipline, emotionally unavailable, while my depressed mother isolated herself for days at a time). So I usually spend that day alone because I am numb, angry ,etc. and if I’m around people I will say things I’ll regret later or that they’ll take personally. But there I was, with him for the evening.

    When he came home from work he said he had a craving for me. He wanted to make love. I obliged but it felt like one sided sex, pleasing him. I felt a stomach ache coming on and didn’t want to eat much. He could feel my vibe was off. I just wanted to distract, keep it light, etc. He prepared dinner. kept pushing with more food. I kept saying no thanks, that my stomach felt off and I felt off. We watched tv which is rare for us, but a good distraction for me. I managed to lighten up and was ready for bed. It was late. I just wanted to sleep.

    So it’s dark in the room and he’s cuddled up very close and asks if I feel better. He tells me he’s picking up the vibe that I’m emotionally off. I can tell he’s personalizing it, thinking it’s him. I shared with him that it was my father’s anniversary, that some memories were not good and I usually spend it alone, but was trying to overcome that. I did not want to get into details as it was late, it would have only upsetted me and honestly I didn’t know how he would react to my childhood story. He also had to wake up at 3:30am to go to work. Not good timing to me.

    He then went into this speech about how he didn’t know, but that it’s good to talk about it……he wants to help……then went into a 5 minute speech about HIMSELF…..how he manages people he misses that died……I just listened. I did not want to share. I wanted to sleep. Eventually after 5 minutes of silence he went to sleep.

    The next morning he came in to kiss me good bye as he left for work. I slept a little longer. I left for home in the morning. All I could think about was leaving there. The roads were horrible with winter weather. Stressful drive. I couldn’t wait to get home.

    I know relationships take time to share and get to know each other. I don’t feel ready to share BIG feelings too early. I sometimes don’t trust that a man can handle some of them. That’s been my experience. I HATE being pushed. I HATE when a man thinks he can fix me. I hate when they want to come in and rescue me. I HATE when they make it all about them.

    I ‘m mad about this. I know it relates to my father’s behaviour towards me……”I’ll hit you and I’ll fix you to be what I need you to be”……..I know it relates to my ex husband’s behaviour…..”I’ll hit you and you’ll have sex with me because you are my wife and you must accommodate me”……and other men ….”tell me what’s bothering you so I can be your hero and I the man can feel better”……..

    I am getting triggered this holiday season…….

    can ya tell?

    thanks for letting me vent Sirens….I don’t do that very often here….but it’s bubbling up this morning and I need a safe place to do it.

    love xo

  350.  #350Kayla on December 28, 2011 at 3:19 am

    I totally agree 100%
    Sometimes I just feel like it is so hard to make something good out of something you feel is bad…

    But if you feel your feelings and take care of yourself most of the time it works..

    It might sometimes take longer than other times though.

    I just have to try hard to stay positive right?

  351.  #351Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 3:24 am

    Aurora telling stories is a tool Rori talsk about in Reconnect and CCarter talks about in his From Casual to Committed program. I believe he was just telling a story to inspire you to feel safe/comfortable and to share. I experienced it as teamwork in an effort to show you that you are not alone and that he has the same human struggles. I did not see it as him trying to fix you. He is a man who feels responsible for your happiness. Him wanting to come in a rescue you is about him being your knight in shining armor. For some reason I hear Rori’s voice saying “choose relationship”. It has to be a conscious choice if that is what we really want.

  352.  #352Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 3:26 am

    Kayla I believe awareness is the key here. I understand you were processing what was going on inside you and it is an indication of the work that you can do on yourself. As in making lists of your values, things that make you feel good about yourself and building time in your day to take care of you by doing these things.

  353.  #353Mochaberri on December 28, 2011 at 3:36 am

    @ FW #173 – Thank you for your support. I felt good by leaving. Yes it was on his terms and he made it clear during our conversation letting me know that I do what I want to do and not what he wants me to and again that’s another piece of why we are in this place. I made a joke about submitting to him and doing what he wants to do and he associated it with my not being ready for a relationship. He said I he had asked me over an hour ago for me to come over and I did what I wanted to do by telling him no because I felt that his calling resembled a booty call.

    Yes I agree that he has to decide to trust or not. And that nothing I do or said is going to get him to trust me. During our conversation I did tell him that and he mentioned the story of the boy who cried wolf and said that I’m just like that – and that my promises of not lying again maybe sincere but he does not believe me. And I understand how he feels putting your heart out there and it gets trampled on.
    I will not shut down my options until he is fully committed to me and able to trust me. I told him that I have met people and I am willing to only sleep with him but I will go on dates with others and not sleep with them. He said that that didn’t make sense.

  354.  #354julie on December 28, 2011 at 3:36 am

    …feeling scarred @new years eve nite… my man of 8yrs …is going out …and I am not able to … idont trust him …it’s been a crazy rel-ship … I’m freekin stuck with numbness and sadness … (hav other issues too) … but I wish I could be able to stop obsessing @ when/if he’s gonna be w/someone else… jus frustrated

  355.  #355Aurora Girl on December 28, 2011 at 3:41 am


    I hear you loud and clear. I have a side of me however that wants to say to men “f-you what do you know……..you have caused a lot of hurt in my life…..and now you want to be my knight in shining armour?”…..

    I know it’s not this man that did those things…..,.In my head I know that.

    My take right now is that a man can feel responsible for my happiness….but in the end he is not……

    I am.

    I don’t know how to reconcile things yet so that I can take his “rescue” stance in stride and work with it instead of resist and fight it.


  356.  #356Ella on December 28, 2011 at 3:43 am

    Liz re your profile, I agree with the others, it sounds very boy.

    Don’t know if it will help but here is my profile. I get a lot of messages. It is not perfect and I keep meaning to re-write it… But here it is:

    “I feel happy when I am dancing and I love being outside. Laughing feels great. I am mostly a countryside person although I like the buzz of cities when I visit.

    I love most types of music. One of my jobs is teaching Zumba, which I feel passionate about.

    Being in beautiful places makes me feel good. I love climbing mountains and lakes always feel peaceful to me. The sea is great because it is so huge and wild!

    I love travelling and my favourite place so far has been South East Asia.

    I do enjoy going to the pub, although not too often. Lazy Sundays after a busy week are blissful to me.

    I enjoy good food and wine 🙂 and like creating meals, and I very rarely follow a recipe. This generally works out well although there have been a few mishaps! Lol.

    I like to be treated well and it feels good to me when a man takes the lead.

    It feels good to be cuddled.”

    And for the first date section on that website:

    “It feels good to me when the man plans the first date. Suprise me! 🙂 ”

    If anyone would like to comment or give feedback pls feel free as I have been procrastinating updating it for a while.


  357.  #357Aurora Girl on December 28, 2011 at 3:47 am


    I like the feeling of lightness in your profile……..


  358.  #358Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 4:00 am

    Mochaberry maybe you could try giving up joking about stuff like that and arguing or debating with him about how he feels. Just agree with him but let him also know that honor his feelings but you love yourself too much to put your feelings second to his. Being hurt is part of being in relationships until we find the relationship that we know is right for us. If he is more afraid of being hurt than being in a relationship then maybe he is not ready to be in one. Only the people we love the most are the ones who can really hurt us. I am sure you went outside the relationship because you had unmet needs. Now that you know those needs maybe sharing them in an undemanding way can help him to know you better also. He has to know that if your needs aren’t being met you are committed to yourself to take care of them also.

  359.  #359mytrio on December 28, 2011 at 4:05 am

    …feeling scarred @new years eve nite… my man of 8yrs …is going out …and I am not able to … idont trust him …it’s been a crazy rel-ship … I’m freekin stuck with numbness and sadness … (hav other issues too) … but I wish I could be able to stop obsessing @ when/if he’s gonna be w/someone else… jus frustrated ALSO (: I have a hard time following this-&other blogs ? oh well

  360.  #360Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 4:05 am

    Mochaberry I would feel bad hearing that he does not believe me and I would tell him that though I understand his feelings. Yes though I understand his feelings, he is a man so I would not be expressing that understanding so much. If he is so sure that he cannot believe you then maybe he should keep on trucking. I believe he needs to feel some of your anger also. There is something in this last post that feels like you have a lid on it somehow.

  361.  #361Lizka on December 28, 2011 at 4:59 am

    Starla 282 –

    I know it’s late, I went to sleep when you sent your wonderful proposition!!

    If it’s not too late, I am really into cultural stuff. I studied history in university so everything old and historical (except for old fishermans lol) I love 🙂 . Or art, or just classics, like a very important important park or tower or port or whatever. And nice places for shopping too of course 🙂

  362.  #362Lizka on December 28, 2011 at 5:13 am

    Awww Starla I just read your other messages. Thank you so much for your help and your support! And thank you everyone else for thinking of me and sending m some warm words. Feels very good.

    I woke up thinking about the conversation I should have with my dad. And about a deal possibility. I wrote it down and repeated it for practice.

    I will say “I feel dependant and it makes me feel frustrated. I feel depressed (in French the word depressed doesn’t sound as heavy as in English, it’s more like “sad”. I don’t want to do things that I don’t feel like doing and I don’t want to force people to do the things that I want to do. I want to feel independan and go where ever I want to go whenever I want because I have some particular tastes that it’s not everyone who likes. What can we do about this?”

    I than I plan to introduce the solution of having the car for myself every 3rd day and the two other day I decide if I want to follow them where they are planning to go or I just go to the beach wich is 3 minutes walk and work on my tan 🙂 or I take the bus Starla suggested me and I do my own stuff.

    I feel very hopefull that this will work and I am just waiting for my mother in law to go do her jog so I can talk to my father. I will start making plans for the 3 days I will have the car for myself if that works.

    Yay! I feel so much better now that I am decided to talk to them and that I have a good FM plan.

    Thank you all for your support and your help. I love you all!!!


  363.  #363Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 5:20 am

    Starla and Emerson,

    I understand what you are saying. Just gotta know I am human, and this has been dragging on for 3 years.

    Rori herself says that feeling messages are a TOOL. They are valuable, and I will use them the rest of my life! But tools have a time and place. I don’t use a screw driver for every single home improvement project, and I don’t use a drill for every single project. I take tools out and put tools away as indicated.

    As an another analogy, think of feeling messages as an accelerator on a car (and I know every analogy breaks down somewhere). Okay, let’s say now the car is up to speed. Then what? Then you put it on cruise control! At other times you use the brakes! Sometimes you just coast with no acceleration! Sometimes you downshift! Sometimes you crank really hard on the steering wheel to avoid a pothole!

    If nothing else, I let him know I want to proceed, and that I am running out of patience. Come on, ladies, I have been in love with this man for nearly three years. And he has already communicated that I won’t scare him away if I talk about my feelings for him. And he has already communicated that I am welcome to ask him questions.

    Last night I whipped out my 18 wheeler and went for broke. If he truly doesn’t want a relationship, that is possible, and I accept that and still want to be his friend. If he truly does want a relationship, he wouldn’t have told me so last night. It wasn’t the time or the place. In that sense, I was tactless.

    But if he does truly want a relationship, I gave him a clear green light, so he can open that door with no apprehension whatsoever. Think about it…if you were a man with a tender heart but had schizophrenia, and you knew that you had hurt your woman to the core in the past, you would not want a repeat…and you might feel a bit apprehensive about deepening the relationship. You might fear rejection, wondering if she would want to hold off being exclusive until you were healed.

    In case any of that is there, and I believe in my heart that it is, then I set his mind at ease. I more or less told him I feel impatient and I don’t want to go on and on waiting and wondering.

    I didn’t post our full text last night because I felt too vulnerable…but he was very soft and receptive, very gentle, assuring me his intention was not to hurt me. I feel much better.


  364.  #364Bekke on December 28, 2011 at 5:24 am

    For some reason The Whale has become the animal I feel a kindred bond with. I suppose it’s my totem animal, and it is connected with creativity and deep emotions.

  365.  #365Daria on December 28, 2011 at 5:35 am

    mmm whale feels good and peaceful

  366.  #366Daria on December 28, 2011 at 5:45 am

    Mali – yes for decreasing breast size, you can do the Deer Exercise – or just the first part

    rubbing your breasts circularly up through the middle and over and outward and back around

    while visualizing what change you would like

    this works well for me 30 on each side in the shower under cold water (to firm them)

    cold water not necessary, you can also do 30 – 108 circles massages, with or without oil

  367.  #367Lizka on December 28, 2011 at 5:48 am

    Yay!! I got my father to give me the car every 3rd day! The girlfriend is complaining but whatever. Already making plans to go to Palm Beach tomorrow. Yay!!!

  368.  #368Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 5:51 am

    Yayy Lizka. It just goes to show what goods intentions and feeling messages can go when the other person is open to it.

  369.  #369Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 5:55 am

    “AND – it’s not possible to feel this way all the time!

    Not for any of us.

    Just like you, there are parts of me that feel angry and frightened sometimes about the requirements of intimacy.

    The requirements of trusting I am loved – no matter what I feel or how I’ve interpreted what’s going on.

    The truth is – intimacy goes against almost all of our natural instincts to protect ourselves.

    So – ask yourself:

    Where do I feel that I can surrender to love, and where am I resisting love?

    As you answer this question – try to go from your gut instead of figuring it all out and analyzing from your brain.

    Experience what you feel, allow yourself to feel it down to your toes.

    Relax into it, melt into the feeling, embrace it, love it, and tell yourself you’re “okay” no matter what.

    Intimacy starts inside US.

    It starts with us hearing our inner voices – no matter what they are, acknowledging what they’re feeling – anger, fear, bliss – and accepting every bit of yourself.

    That’s true intimacy – your intimacy with you – and that’s how a man will “pick up” that you know how to DO this thing called intimacy.

    That’s when he’ll jump on board with you, open his heart, and bond with you.

    Love, Rori

  370.  #370Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 6:00 am

    Daria/Mali for some reason the whole breast reduction question hit my psyche in relation to the vow to be perfect and perfectly critical of myself.

  371.  #371Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 6:08 am

    Saw this on POF from CCarter

    Here’s something you may not know about men, or even agree with, but it’s true…

    A man absolutely wants you to be honest and straightforward with him

    This is what men like so much about the way they can communicate with each other. And, in fact, it drives them nuts when you aren’t open and direct.

    If they are planning something that you don’t agree with, they want you to let them know at the start – as soon as possible – before it becomes a bigger issue or concern.

    Here’s the beauty of telling a man what you think early on: it allows you to communicate in a way that’s less combative and negative than it would be if you were to have it fester in your mind for a while.


    Men don’t “automatically” get upset when you let them know how you feel about something. They get upset when they see that YOU are upset.

    See, for most men, when a woman tells them something that isn’t great about their relationship, men take it very personally. He’ll instantly feel like you are blaming him – even though you might not be.

    Why? Men like to think and believe that the woman they’re with respects them and sees them as a great man. So when a woman shares something that isn’t “perfect,” a man will take it as you thinking that he is not good enough – and not just that something happened in your relationship that can easily be changed or improved in the future.

    To stop this cycle of a man feeling criticized, or like he doesn’t please you, you first need to find a “safe space” before you talk and share your feelings with him. Here’s how to do it…


    By “safe,” I mean telling a man that what you think, feel ,and need will not jeopardize your connection, but instead make it stronger.

    Here’s your action plan: sit down with him today at some time when you’re both settled and relaxed. Then tell him that you respect his feelings, and that you appreciate the way he respects yours. (If you don’t believe this right now, simply the act of communicating these words will have a profoundly positive effect on him and actually help create more respect and appreciation – because you get what you give!)

    Then explain that communicating as early as possible and allowing that safe space to tell each other how you really feel and that you need to be open and honest with each other in the moment is crucial to your happiness – yours and his.

    What you’re doing here is essentially agreeing together to accept and allow for each other’s real feelings – regardless of whether they happen to please the other person in that moment. This kind of real and authentic honesty is the first step, and the one and only path to a real, secure, and lasting relationship where both partners know that their feelings are heard and respected.

  372.  #372Daria on December 28, 2011 at 6:16 am

    For Starbright:


    Intellectual Nature Princess


    It would feel great to meet a man to romance me and share my life… I feel good with intelligent, honest, (daria’s just guessing here) supportive men…

    Life feels exciting and fresh to me lately… I’m feeling full of energy doing outdoorsy stuff like checking out the Giants games, or even just driving around somewhere new that feels adventurous. I feel happy and free when im out hiking around or floating on the lake canoeing.

    Art fairs and “sight sees” – especially secret local ones! – feel really fun too. I like to feel sophisticated and listen to classical music loud in my car 🙂 , tour museums or go out to plays… and I feel good relaxing at some live folk or rock music shows too.

    First Date:

    It would feel great just to meet you! I feel good with something small just to say hi…

    I definitely feel good when a guy takes the lead with romance.

  373.  #373Daria on December 28, 2011 at 6:25 am

    Liz – your profile to me is too long!! way too long!

    i would shorten it some and break up the paragraphs…

    i feel too overwhelmed to even read more than a couple lines

  374.  #374Rose on December 28, 2011 at 6:27 am

    Processing here my beauties..any input welcome…

    Spent a beautiful Christmas with R, felt close all felt very good to me..

    This week I am off..it felt good staying home and relaxing he wanted to see me I said it felt better staying home tomorrow feels good..ok..

    Then he told later on his friend invited him to concert, he was going with him as a favor since he had a free ticket..

    He wanted to see me beforehand but I felt resistant, like I wanted the whole day not just part of the day, in that case I’d rather do something thursday when we have more time, I can do stuff with my mom today shopping etc..

    He felt guilty, and was looking for me to tell him not to go..I felt uncomfortable doing that, like preventing him from going with his friend…

    I feel a bit resentful this morning, I don’t want to feel that way..
    Hum maybe it is fear…what am I fearful of..?

  375.  #375Daria on December 28, 2011 at 6:28 am

    Liz I would say the original is way better than the new one just becuae of the new ones length…

    i feel kinda panicked…

  376.  #376Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 6:39 am

    Daria/Liz I felt the same way regarding the profile. Realy overwhelmed.

  377.  #377Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 6:44 am

    From a CCarter email

    2. Cool girls are willing to go with the flow when it comes to social things but make assertions when they have opinions and ideas

    Men, especially those with high-powered, stressful careers, don’t want more stress from the women in their lives.

    They want to come home to a woman who can be flexible about plans instead of rigid and set in her ways.

    However, they also respect a woman who has boundaries and says clearly and in plain language what is not okay with her.

    3. Cool girls have options and things to do that keep them satisfied so they don’t feel like they’re left out if they’re not invited to something.

    And even if they are left out, they don’t complain about it or even mention it – they find something to do that makes them happy.

    When you make a man your entire world, he starts to see you as another responsibility for him rather than a partner.

    Take responsibility for your own happiness, and you become that much more attractive to a man.

    4. Cool girls prefer that a man make up his own mind; they don’t try to make a man do something.

    Whenever you try to convince someone to do something, the other person will naturally resist you.

    And when you try to do this with a guy, something else happens – he starts to feel less attracted to you.

    Instead, show him that you respect his ideas and appreciate him by giving him the chance…to be him.

    5. Cool girls know that the way they feel and talk about themselves is how men will feel about them.

    If you have a tendency to talk negatively about yourself – your weight, your intelligence, or your life – don’t be surprised if a man will start to see you in that context.

    Do yourself a favor by always talking kindly about yourself so that a man sees you and talks about you in the same way.

    Now here’s the thing: you have to first get to a place where these qualities are true for you. You just can’t fake being a cool girl.

    If you’re not feeling great about yourself, you can’t pretend to – you HAVE to do the inner work first

  378.  #378Daria on December 28, 2011 at 6:47 am

    3. Cool girls have options and things to do that keep them satisfied so they don’t feel like they’re left out if they’re not invited to something.

    i want to heal this!

  379.  #379Daria on December 28, 2011 at 6:50 am

    Esteemed – it sounds in the convos like you are masculine pursuing Ryan and… its going well… he might be a man that could def be feminine energy in a relationship

    unfortunately it seems from what i notice – including what he says about his ‘true love’ appearing as a Goddess to him – that he wants a feminine partner…

    feels kinda sad and definitely confusing

  380.  #380Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 6:53 am

    We all have the opportunity to take the hand we are given and put forth persistent effort toward manifesting what is important to us. We can spend our energy blaming our past or our current circumstances, or we can spend our energy taking persistent loving action in our own behalf.


  381.  #381Rose on December 28, 2011 at 6:57 am

    #375 oh I love this feminewoman, thank you for posting yes I am healing this babysteps

  382.  #382Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 6:58 am

    Margaret Lynch: I come second/third in my life when I am a people pleaser and am constantly giving to others.

  383.  #383Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 6:59 am

    “I vow to silently resist all the time” because I never want to be like them.

    I need to heal that.

  384.  #384Rose on December 28, 2011 at 7:03 am

    Wow #375 really spoke to me

    Thank you Rose for expressing your boundaries..

    Thank you for choosing what felt good..

    Thank you for taking care of yourself and choosing a fun day for yourself..

    Thank you for letting go of expectations..

  385.  #385Rose on December 28, 2011 at 7:04 am

    After feeling upset last night I started the 1st Margaret Lynch video and tapping..I love it, can’t wait to do more today, Thank you Daria for sending it and thank you femininewoman for reccomending it

  386.  #386Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 7:08 am

    Thanks to Daria for sharing the tappping info. I am constantly using them.

  387.  #387Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 7:14 am

    Rori says to trust your feelings. Even tho I may not have handled it in the most tactful, emotionally intelligent way last night, I feel confident that my intuition was telling me it was safe to approach him about our relationship.

    So now I will sit back and…

    Be surprised!

  388.  #388Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 7:15 am

    Member Article: Paralysis by Analysis

    Dr. Margaret Paul

    Is analyzing yourself and others a strategy you learned, to control yourself and others and avoid your feelings?

    “Beware of creating paralysis by analysis.” – Edwin and Sally Kiester

    I cannot tell you how often I say to a client, “See if you can move your focus into your body. Right now you are in your head, analyzing things.”
    Why do we analyze?

    The wounded self in many of us is addicted to analyzing as a form of control. This used to be one of my major addictions. I loved to analyze myself and others, believing if only I could completely understand something, then I could have control over it.

    The problem with this is that I could never understand myself and others from my mind/wounded self. My wounded self is not able to understand on a level that is truly helpful. So I would get stuck in the cycle of paralysis by analysis, not understanding how to find my way out.”

    Does anyone have access to this article and willing to share?

  389.  #389Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 7:21 am


    I appreciate your feedback. R and I have known each other four full years now. I know how he operates, and the more I think about this, the more I think my instincts led me right. I coulda been more tactful and chosen a time when we were together as well.

    But he now knows I want to be his woman. Relationships go thru different phases. Just watch. Maybe you will be surprised, too. 🙂

  390.  #390Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 7:27 am

    Even if he does intend to deepen the relationship, OF COURSE he wouldn’t have bared his soul last night on text! And I shouldn’t have!

    It is possible that he truly doesn’t feel the same way.

    But I continue to believe that he does feel the same way and is just waiting to make it a special moment. So once again, I was tactless. The way he acted, I think he probably does want to deepen the relationship.

    And if nothing else, I think what I did was pave the way for him to feel confident in himself in doing so.

    Think about it: if you were a man with schizophrenia, and you had inadvertently hurt the woman you love in the past really bad, you would want to make up for it and not do it again. So you would want to plan a really special romantic moment. Yet at the same time, you might feel a little anxious about your timing, wondering if the woman would want to hold off completely until you were healed, for fear that it would happen again.

    So I let him know if nothing else that I am open to being exclusive. I have no qualms about being exclusive, because I don’t desire to date any other men anyway, and I see no harm in being his girlfriend until he is free, since I am coming alongside him as a supportive friend anyway.

    His openness to my openly expressed love for him and his total gentleness and kindness, clearly stating several times that he does NOT want to hurt me, tells me that my words were well received.

    Just watch.

  391.  #391Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 7:39 am


    Rori says it’s okay to initiate with a man when you feel secure that he welcomes you. I have felt extremely welcome with him lately. I was following my instincts.

  392.  #392Susan on December 28, 2011 at 7:44 am

    RE: 198: turquoise says:

    “In being compeletely honest, since I was last seriously on here, I realize I still love my ex husband. I don’t know what to do with that, while he’s been really wonderful, I know he doesn’t feel that way about me. So, either I need to heal that and move on, or I need to deal with it and work towards a reconcilliation. It’s scary to admit that out loud, in present tense.

    Anyone on here ever reconcile with an ex and have it actually work out?”

    My sister (years ago) reconciled with an ex husband. They eventually remarried and the second marriage has lasted over 20 years… close to 25 I think. They were apart for 5 or 6 years in between marriages. He is her third and fourth husband, LOL!

    I am currently with a man who I dated for 5 months in 2006. He broke up with me and we were apart for 4 years before he contacted me again. This second-go-round is starting its second year and is going very well!

    So, reconciling with an ex CAN work… Maybe. In both my case and my sister’s case, we did not dwell on the man who left. Yes, we missed him, but life goes on. We both dated and were involved with other people and doubted a reconciliation was possible…. and then he made first contact after many years and we baby-stepped it from there.

  393.  #393Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Susan – Carol Allen’s story is kind of familiar as she ended up marrying her ex after something like a 4 year break up.

  394.  #394mali on December 28, 2011 at 7:55 am

    @ FW- 340 and 368: Thankyou for this, and I do understand. I don’t like my breasts, and I do want to accept them as they are, and yet I’m also working on decreasing their size, because I know I’ll be happier with them. It’s very difficult to do both simultaneously though… if yourself or anyone else can help me with this, I would be so grateful 🙂

    Daria: Thankyou- I will try this!

    Also, Esteemed, I just want to give you a hug. So ((((((((Esteemed))))))))) Just because!

  395.  #395Ella on December 28, 2011 at 8:16 am


    What is done is done.

    How would it feel to do nothing now… nothing at all!

    And then see what he does.

    See what Ryan creates. See his intention.

    Do you think you can?

    What I am learning is that if I do this with a man I am allowing a relationship consisting of the 2 of us to be created… if I constantly lean forward really I block intimacy, because it is all about me, almost like just having a relationship with myself… I never really get the input from the other person, because there is no space for it.


  396.  #396Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 8:17 am

    Mali I understand. I am the same way with my butt. But the more I accept it and pour love over it and see it in my mind as if it is the size I want it to be it seems it gets smaller as I exercise. Funny enough it is the body part that men seem to be attracted to the most so I try to believe them. Just last nite one of my cds was going on and on about it.

  397.  #397Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Mali I am hoping Dominique will chime in on this issue for you. I find her approach really soothing.

  398.  #398Dominique on December 28, 2011 at 8:27 am

    On breast size ~ There are a few things you can try to increase breast size, none of which I found all that helpful for the long term, yet everyone is different, so it’s worth a try.

    Fenugreek tea was already mentioned.

    A lady’s mantle infused massage oil.

    Massage – Sitting cross legged with a pillow under the butt, gently and slowly massage first the nipples with a point on the palm of your hand where the fleshy part of the thumb meets the rest of the hand, the lao gung point, in circles going from out to in, 42 to 360 times.

    Move onto the breast itself avoiding touching the nipples, again circling out and up and down the middle, 42 – 360 time.

    Send love and hormone balancing energy to your breasts and entire being.

    Mali – You would circle the other way to decrease breast size, in towards the breastbone and out an around.

    But really what this is all about is not feeling good enough, a tough one for may of us. Can you instead try to lavish love on your breasts no matter their size or shape?

    Men truly are not the picky, certainly not as picky as we can be. Most of them just love breasts, big ones, small ones, perky ones, not so perky ones.

    And it’s not about men. It all comes back to you. So love YOU, love your body, for it truly is a special gift.


  399.  #399Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 8:29 am

    “if I constantly lean forward really I block intimacy, because it is all about me, almost like just having a relationship with myself… I never really get the input from the other person, because there is no space for it.”

    Liz this must be the clearest most mature stance I have seen for leaning back. Thank you Ella.

  400.  #400Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 8:31 am


    RE: #392 – Thanks!


    RE: #393 – He has been stepping up amazingly much lately! I am in “be surprised” mode now, which is doing nothing.

    I didn’t execute my interactions perfectly last night by a long shot. But I am human, and I did my best. And I know he cares about not hurting me and was very gentle with me. That in itself was very healing after 2009.

  401.  #401Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 8:35 am

    I wasn’t “constantly leaning forward.” I asked him questions after he welcomed me into his heart and mind, and welcomed questions.

    Do you really think a 3 year relationship will look the same as a 3 month relationship?

  402.  #402Lizka on December 28, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Wel it didn’t work like I thought it would… Nothing is fixed apparently, the girlfriend complained and my plan of the car every 3rd day might fall off… I am not happy. I am crying. I called my mom and spend something like 40$ on a longue distance just to talk to hear. This felt good. I am feeling a little better, While I was crying, they all left for their boring activity and nobody took care of me and came to see me. Whatever. I am gonna go to the pool with my book and think only of me. I am realising that it’s hard to think only of you and to take care of you when you are dependant of other people. I have no choice to be dependant. They brought me here. They have the car and the key of the car. They can go buy the food, they can go do whatever activity hey want. The more dependant I can be is go to the beach everyday and eat what I find in the fridge but I can’t choose. I don’t like that situation. I feel like in jail.This is not vacation. I have more choices when I am at work!! I wrote a postal card to my team at work today and I felt closer to them than from my father. This is not normal. I felt closer from my boss than from my own family. That makes me feel teary.

    Ok Lizka go take care of yourself now,wear your cute blue, red and white bikini and go get some tan. You love doing that. Anywhay, I think there is wifi at the pool so I will be able to keep bloging while there.

  403.  #403Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 8:36 am

    I am all for Rori’s feeling messages. Yet I feel so repeatedly misunderstood in so many ways that so often I don’t feel emotionally safe on here. I just feel like being defensive. And I feel shut down.

    OMG, I’m human! for goodness sake, give a little space to people to be unique and fallibly human!

    I posted maybe 1/30th of our text last night, because I don’t feel safe.

  404.  #404Dominique on December 28, 2011 at 8:37 am

    There is a more elaborate massage ritual I do almost daily which involves invoking energy from key internal organs with color and the emotional virtues they represent which seems to give more power to this exercise. And I follow this with kidney and ovarian breathing. I’m planning on doing a youtube tutorial very soon.


  405.  #405Kyla on December 28, 2011 at 8:39 am

    Hi Sirens!

    I have been following the blog but find it difficult to post from my phone so I apologise for not being here.

    I have a qustion and I’d love to hear other sirens feelings about it.

    My problem is I feel disappointed about this Christmas and this was the first Christmas we were able to spend together. I felt disappointed when he said he didnt want to exchange presents as he could have bought me a mug and I would’ve been delighted. Christmas Day was upsetting as R was very quiet and avoided me most of the day, went for 2 walks by himself and later skyped his family and didnt give me an opportunity to say hi and thank you for the presents they sent. I felt unapprectiated I didn’t get any presents from anyone, no one even helped my kids make me a card. I felt resentful too because I spent so much time, effort and money making sure everyone around me new that they were loved and remembered and appreciated. I felt like grabbing my coat and leaving. Things have been rough for the past few months but we had just turned a corner and things were feeling good again.

    What do I do to tkae care of myself here?

    I’ve expressed my feelings and I’ve leaned back and I’ve tried to put my attention elsewhere but I still feel disappointed, unappreciated, resentful and depressed. I kind of want to just take a day off work and spend my Christmas bonus on myself and treat myself to a spa day. I feel guilty and selfish about doing this too and don’t know if its passive-aggressive to take care of myself the way no one else did? I also feel worried that planning ways to treat me is masculine energy and counter productive to all the steps I’ve taken in the right direction? Am I just over thinking this?

    Thank you for taking the time to read this.

  406.  #406Kyla on December 28, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Hi Sirens!

    I have been following the blog but find it difficult to post from my phone so I apologise for not being here.

    I have a qustion and I’d love to hear other sirens feelings about it.

    My problem is I feel disappointed about this Christmas and this was the first Christmas we were able to spend together. I felt disappointed when he said he didnt want to exchange presents as he could have bought me a mug and I would’ve been delighted. Christmas Day was upsetting as R was very quiet and avoided me most of the day, went for 2 walks by himself and later skyped his family and didnt give me an opportunity to say hi and thank you for the presents they sent. I felt unapprectiated I didn’t get any presents from anyone, no one even helped my kids make me a card. I felt resentful too because I spent so much time, effort and money making sure everyone around me new that they were loved and remembered and appreciated. I felt like grabbing my coat and leaving. Things have been rough for the past few months but we had just turned a corner and things were feeling good again.

    What do I do to tkae care of myself here?

    I’ve expressed my feelings and I’ve leaned back and I’ve tried to put my attention elsewhere but I still feel disappointed, unappreciated, resentful and depressed. I kind of want to just take a day off work and spend my Christmas bonus on myself and treat myself to a spa day. I feel guilty and selfish about doing this too and don’t know if its passive-aggressive to take care of myself the way no one else did? I also feel worried that planning ways to treat me is masculine energy and counter productive to all the steps I’ve taken in the right direction? Am I just over thinking this?

    Thank you for taking the time to read this.

  407.  #407Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 8:45 am

    RE 402 Yayy thanks Dominique.

  408.  #408Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 8:50 am

    Kayla I was just listening to Margaret Lynch about healing in the Chakras and your post seems to describe the people pleaser so much that she was talking about. I can imagine your guy feeling all those heavy emotions boiling inside you. Doing something that makes you feel good should help to move the energy around inside you somehow. That will then be reflected on the outside. What I understand from Rori is that you can either choose to express, to change the energy around, or you can choose a better feeling thought. I say if expressing does not work, try the thought and doing things for yourself that feels good.

  409.  #409Starla on December 28, 2011 at 8:52 am

    Esteemed, girl, take a breath. you are safe here. so safe, that we don’t want to let you hurt yourself when it can be avoided.

  410.  #410Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 8:53 am

    “A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.”

    – Arnold H. Glasow

  411.  #411Patricia on December 28, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Ok ladies its been a while since I posted I have been very busy with children and Christmas and all of that happy stuff so now its on to New Years with my guy. He has invited me to go out and it looks like my idea of “go out” is a little different than his. I was thinking a club or something “Party” style and he is thinking shopping and dinner and a hotel. I dont mind the dinner and hotel ( the hotel was in the plan the whole time so I want to do that). I dont mind the shopping and the dinner but when I think out for New Years Im thinking Party. I would love to bring in the New Year with him but he has been so incredibly gracious and generous to me and my children. He absolutely loves me and says that he wants to marry me…YAY!! However we are emailing about plans this weekend and I feel grateful that he wants to take me out but and I could be very happy just out with him but I kinda had my heart set on a bit of a Party out…we went and picked up a cocktail top and I have to pick out a skirt to go with it..he has paid for everything. What I dont want to do is get there and ask for something more or to get out there and be putting off a vibe of disappointment because I didnt speak up about what I wanted. Keep in mind this is a want, not a need and he is willing to do just about anything to join in my happiness. I want to be considerate and take into account his budget and what he wants to do as well…How do I apporach this without sounding self centered. I was thinking something along the lines of I feel so happy that you want to take me out on an adventure away from the kids its so very sweet. If we can add just a little bit of Party to our evening it would be awsome. ***I like the idea of being out with my guy and not being able to touch him but able to turn him on…I like the idea of PDA’s and it intrigues and excites me to be surrounded by people like that =). I know he likes it but I’m just wondering if the budget thing may be getting in the way and he wants to take me sopping but also wants to take me to dinner and may not have the cash to take me to some of the really costly parties that are going on. Hmmm??? Anyone??

  412.  #412Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Patricia if you are in New York I believe there is a huge outdoor party in Times Square that night. If not, isn’t there something outdoors where you are, where they count down to New Year’s?

  413.  #413Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 9:01 am

    I studied Spanish for 2 years in high school and 2 semesters in college. My first Spanish teacher was big on having us memorize dialogues. I still have my first one memorized, from over thirty years ago:

    Hola! Esta Susanna en casa?

    Si, esta con una amiga.

    Donde estan? En la sala?

    No, en la cocina

    (Hello! Is Susanna at home?

    Yes, she is with a friend.

    Where are they? In the living room?

    No, in the kitchen)

    At the time, I protested having to memorize them. Now I see why – so it stayed in my memory. But when Spanish really got fun was when I learned to create my own sentences with it.

  414.  #414Sweetpea on December 28, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Liz @ 267,

    Your comment was directed to Lizka and Daria. However, it spoke to me. I still haven’t sent my Dad the letter – I just can’t get clarity on what it is exactly that I need to do, but I do feel disinclined to just let it slide (some more).

    Yesterday I decided that I’m going to send him the nasty little sticky note I got, tell him some of the feelings it brought out in me, what I don’t want and that I’m not sure what to do and will contact him after some more soul-searching.

    Everytime I write the letter, it brings out more stuff and then after I’ve processed through it, lots of it seems unnecessary. There are a few key things I’m feeling that I want to get out there and then I’ll see how I feel after that.

    I don’t want to abandon myself anymore. I discovered it’s my inner 3 year old who’s feeling bad around this, so I asked her what I could do to make her feel better and ran through the options. She doesn’t want me to walk away, she simply wants me to stand up to him. So that’s what I’m going to do. But…my inner 16 year old still has a lot of healing to do around this, so I’ll see what she wants after my 3 year old is feeling better.

  415.  #415Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 9:04 am

    Just to give you an idea, R didn’t start dating me because I was empty headed with fluffy feeling messages. He drew on my spirit. Much of our relationship was around talking about God and the Bible.

    Which is to say different men look for different qualities in women. Yes, R values me for my femininity. And he also values me for my vulnerability, when I put my heart out there. And that’s what I did last night.

  416.  #416Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 9:06 am


    RE: #406, thanks for that! 🙂

  417.  #417Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 9:09 am


    RE: #403 – You said, “I’ve expressed my feelings and I’ve leaned back and I’ve tried to put my attention elsewhere but I still feel disappointed, unappreciated, resentful and depressed. I kind of want to just take a day off work and spend my Christmas bonus on myself and treat myself to a spa day. I feel guilty and selfish about doing this too and don’t know if its passive-aggressive to take care of myself the way no one else did?”

    What did you say when you expressed your feelings?

    How did they respond?

    No, it is not passive-aggressive in the least! It is a perfect way to take care of yourself! The process of romance and relationships is really the process of learning how to love yourself well. This would be a total act of love to yourself. Go for it!

  418.  #418Sweetpea on December 28, 2011 at 9:09 am

    Daria @ 304,

    This brings up interesting feelings for me. I was feeling some of that “I’ll show you,” toward my Dad, too. But then I realized that nothing has ever felt good enough when it comes to him.

    Currently, telling him I feel that way and asking what it is I could do that would make him proud of me. In the meantime, I’m letting go of it. I don’t have to make him proud. All I have to do is be me and love myself for it. If he can’t see how lovable, adorable and amazing I am, just for being me, then… I feel sad for him. He’s missing out.

    I’m liking the way my feelings are beginning to shift around this.

  419.  #419Starla on December 28, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Sorry Esteemed but I call bullsh*t on #412. No man started dating ME because I was empty headed fluffy feelings girl. They took an interest in me because i was their intellectual equal, because i do interesting things and stand up for who i am and what i believe in.

    and they stuck around thinking i must be some magical goddess BECAUSE i am so feminine, so in touch with my feelings, so gentle. forest fairy for sure.

    i spent our whole dinner last night telling him about my business ideas and political philosophies…i used feeling messages the whole time

  420.  #420Mochaberri on December 28, 2011 at 9:15 am

    @ FW #176 – Yes he said during the conversation that he wants justice as the victim in this and that I can’t understand his feelings because if I did then I would not have did what I did. I told him that I do understand his feelings and that I’m hurt too that we are in this place. As far as making a commitment about letting go and starting fresh he feels that we did that and I continued to lie – I don’t feel that we had a true clean slate because after one thing he confronted me about he brought something else up that he snooped and found in my journals that had really old things in it. We never said Ok no more mentioning of the past what happened happened and we will no longer make it an issue. As far as a timeline, we are doing that now and the deadline has passed – it was supposed to have been Dec 1st. He feels that I didn’t honor the timeline set when he asked me to stop seeing other people so he feels that he can ignore the current timeline.

    I agree that his feelings about the past issues are worth honoring and I do honor them and respect them but you’re right – it should not be a constant thing held against me and prevents us both from healing and growing past to get the relationship we both want. He always says “we should be so much further” and I tell him I agree but it seems that everytime I discuss my feelings about things it leads to an arguement about the same thing. I feel that I can’t share my feelings with you. His repsonse was that I don’t mind you sharing just know that it will lead to an arguement because he has feelings too.

    I don’t mind it so much that when the issue comes up agiain and again because I feel that it’s healthy to discuss it, what bothers me is that we never come to any resolution. So it gets tiring have the same old arguement with no agreement.

  421.  #421Patricia on December 28, 2011 at 9:18 am

    FW: Im not in NY =( and yes there is a center where there will be out door as well as in door activities. However it seems as though based on his idea we stay as far away from the excitement as possible… I, on the other hand, want to have a little of that on New Years. The shopps that he wants to take me to though are very upscale and he is always very accomodating with dinners. If maybe we can just throw in a small portion of our time somewhere in the excitement that would satisfy me. So how do I word this (hypothetical question). He is very great to me and the last thing I want to cause is any resentment if Im asking for more than he can do….

  422.  #422Sweetpea on December 28, 2011 at 9:19 am

    I talked to my brother twice last week and it felt really good and healing. My brother has always been my support system and loved me unconditionally. I feel so grateful that he’s been a part of my life.

    He has never belittled me or put me down, even when we were kids. He gives me constructive criticism and suggestions; he’s a great listener. I love him so much.

    Thank you Creator, for giving me such an amazing brother in the midst of the chaos of my childhood. I don’t know what I would have done without him.

  423.  #423Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Mochaberry arguments are useless as you have already experienced. Have you tried walking away or just switching the subject when it comes up?

  424.  #424Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Patricia how about “It would feel so electrifying to experience some of the excitement bringing in the New Year, after having dinner. The excitment feels nourishing to my little girl side”

  425.  #425Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 9:25 am


    RE: #416 – Wonderful! What you said perfectly illustrates my point! You talked about MORE than just feelings. You are known and loved for your beliefs (spiritual) and thoughts (intellectual) as well as your feelings (heart).

  426.  #426Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 9:26 am

    Patricia or just tell him a story about how you felt passionate celebrating it when you were growing up or about other people enjoying themselves at parties that night.

  427.  #427Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 9:32 am

    Last week R said he wants to share his heart and mind with me going forward. That and many other recent things indicate to me that he is feeling romantic toward me, because in the past, he told me he didn’t want to share his heart and mind because he didn’t want a future with me. He would only open his heart and mind to his Soul Mate. But he probably forgets telling me that two years ago.

    So I taked a risk and played question and answer with him last night.

  428.  #428CurvySiren10 on December 28, 2011 at 9:40 am

    De-lurking after spending a very long time reading this blog. I’d really like to get more involved in the discussions here. I’ve been triggered by several posts today.

    420 FW- Yes, “arguments” are useless, but REAL conflict resolution is not. I’d love to get into this topic more with the sirens here as I’m noticing a rampant theme regarding resentment, which is the cornerstone of relationship deterioration.

    416 Starla- I admire you so much. You really have got this stuff down and are a fabulous role model for how Rori’s stuff should be “done”. I have a lot of empathy and concern about Esteemed’s situation with R, but find it hard to express without coming off as judgmental or unsupportive. You’ve done so beautifully.

    More to come…I’ll introduce myself properly when I have a bit more time.

  429.  #429Starbright on December 28, 2011 at 9:42 am


    Thanks so much for the ideas for my profile! I thought it sounded too boy before!

  430.  #430Starla on December 28, 2011 at 9:45 am

    422 esteemed

    i did talk about more than feelings, but my point is that it was always against a backdrop of leaning back, feminine feeling messages. that is how i get these guys who are attracted to my brain wrapped around my little finger emotionally, esteemed. i bond to their hearts. it’s the ONLY way. i’m not particularly beautiful… they all come for my brain. they stick around for my heart. i can only show my heart through leaning back and feeling messages.

    note: do not confuse showing your heart with showing your AGENDA

    sorry girl, i’m not letting you off the hook on this one. i understand youre struggling to reconcile intellect and compatibility with emotional bonding, but it IS possible. i can’t stress sticking to rori’s tools enough!!


  431.  #431Patricia on December 28, 2011 at 9:48 am

    I think I will do that FW…I did also suggest to him that we leave the idea opened and then sent him a pic of a woman that looked simelar to me climbing on a table in a resturant and kissing her man in public…very sexy. He sent me a pic of a baby kiss…so I used it as comic relief but did explain to him how it made me feel sexy to be out in public with him and it makes me feel. I know sometimes I also feel drained by big crowds and that night I may not be in the mood necessarily so thats why I suggested keeping it opened… I may not be feeling it then…we’ll see. Thank you for your input it’s always appreciated.

  432.  #432Starla on December 28, 2011 at 9:51 am

    ooooh curvy siren, hello welcome hi!!! :):):) and thank you

  433.  #433Esteemed on December 28, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Once before 2 years ago I followed my instincts, putting my heart out there in a very vulnerable way. His comment was, “Good instincts.” He is very attend to my emotions, and he likes to know how I am feeling every juncture. That is 1 of the things I like about him so much: he is sensitive to me.

  434.  #434Kyla on December 28, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Oww Femininewoman, thank you!

    I felt so very triggered when i read your response and the phrase people plesaser in particular ick! I actually got up from my desk and went for a walk to cool down lol.

    This is something I had been working on for the last number of years. I felt defensive at first thinking ‘no I’m not like that anymore!’ and then I felt annoyed with myself and started beating myself up a little bit for relapsing into old habits and then I felt giggly at the idea of treating myself to some me time and feeling ok with taking care of my needs. I feel lighter now and relieved too. I realise I have spent the last month worrying how my actions might make others feel and was ignoring that walking on eggshells feeling.

    Thank you 😀

  435.  #435Starla on December 28, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Esteemed, here’s another way to look at it – you’ve already won him over intellectually and psychologically — that is why you are his FRIEND that he’s always initiating texting with:):). now it’s time to focus on the romantic part, the heart part, the being feminine part, if you really want to win this man, or any man, over. And of course, we do this with feeling messages and leaning back as much as freaking possible 😀

  436.  #436Patricia on December 28, 2011 at 10:05 am

    This was his reply…
    Sounds like a plan there….sexy.

    I like the pic. Which one am I? lol (we have a running joke about him being the feminine one) I am very careful with this one…

    Pardon me…I’m heading outside to do a rain dance for Saturday……. (I sent him another pic of a woman in the rain..I lovee the rain)

    I know we will both be happy with whatever happens on Saturday and we love eachother’s company..If I feel like going out on the town I will tell him Saturday..I am not known for my indecisiveness or just trying to keep him happy =) He likes that about me…I like that about me. This rocks!! He loves me sooo much

  437.  #437alicia on December 28, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Hi Everyone! I am new to posting on this site. I was going to post in the section about Your Story but I noticed some of the women were directed to post on the most recent blog entry. I would like to direct a question to Rori.
    Where should I do that?

  438.  #438Kyla on December 28, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Hi Esteemed!

    Thank you 🙂

    I expressed how I was feeling in feeling messages no blame and no drama when I was asked by R and by others if I enjoyed myself or how was i feeling. they all responded positively with awws or hugs and i feel understood and heard by them. i was feeling resentful that it was too late now, i can’t go back and re-do the holiday or express myself more clearly before the holiday iykwim? R was quiet because he had worries that he didnt want to share until after the holidays and was absorbed with his own thoughts. i eventually went to him, told him i would like to share something with him and asked if now was a good time and we had a really good talk and i felt understood and closer to him after it but still disappointed with what had happened especially when i have friends and family calling me and telling me all the lovely things they did.

    Feeling much better my boss has told me I can take a day off next week and when I get home I’ll have fun looking up things I could do 🙂

  439.  #439Aurora Girl on December 28, 2011 at 10:31 am

    I feel excited that some of the sirens out there who have been reading are feeling comfortable posting now….I can recall feeling nervous about it this past spring and had a sense of relief when I finally did go for it…..

    I just want to extend the same welcome that I was extended back then……….chickies welcome!!!!

  440.  #440Emerson on December 28, 2011 at 10:34 am

    I love that sirens are on here sharing about their profile…

    I got a bit of bad news this morning regarding a legal matter and I feel furious…

    I am actually not “losing” anything but it’s just a matter of principle that is bothering me about it.

    I feel angry and wronged and I want to let this go and move on.

    I have been thinking this week that I really just want to have a change of scenery and a fresh start.

    I am considering moving to another state and starting fresh….closer to my family.

    I feel scared and worried that I won’t be able to find a job.

    But I already started looking….

  441.  #441Aurora Girl on December 28, 2011 at 10:36 am

    425 CS

    from FW’s post and your addition…..

    “REAL conflict resolution is not (useless). I’d love to get into this topic more with the sirens here as I’m noticing a rampant theme regarding resentment, which is the cornerstone of relationship deterioration”

    I agree! It is said that contempt is also a real catalyst for crumbling a relationship too……

    I posted earlier today as i needed to vent. But I realize that your word “resentment” was part of how I was feeling too (not just mad)….

    Thank you for writing that today.

    I am still building my “speak up” voice when it comes to addressing bigger feelings…….I don’t always trust that a man can handle them………maybe because the men I ‘ve been with didn’t have the capacity (father, ex husband)….

    I recall posting this a while ago….that a man once told me that when feelings are big he didn’t know what to do with them……

    but I am realizing some men do know what to do, whether the feelings are theirs or mine……I just find it scary wading through these waters…..


  442.  #442elle_emme on December 28, 2011 at 11:10 am

    Did a bunch of chakra tapping around money last night (thx daria!) I feel my nervousness around money and being successful at work healing. Soon I will babystep my way to feeling comfortable with a healthy and loving relationship. I feel like all the good stuff is connected…money, fun, quality men, music.

  443.  #443CurvySiren10 on December 28, 2011 at 11:18 am

    438 AG-
    Wow, I love that my word/thoughts resonated with you. You’re welcome.

    As I mentioned, I really want to get into some thought-provoking discussions on here regarding the subject of resentment and more importantly, how to make sure that our relationships stay free of it. It is not an easy process. It requires work…and awareness, and willingness to work together AGAINST the issue and not each other.

  444.  #444Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Hi SC I also love it when silent sirens finally start posting. It is a practice in stepping out of our comfort zones and really shining our lights into the world.

    Resentment – yes. It is one of the reasons I believe that Rori is so big on being feminine and leaning back. We overgive and when we don’t get back some equivalent we build up resentments.

  445.  #445Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Aurora I know that in Reconnect Rori says you don’t need to trust a man. You just need to trust yourself.

  446.  #446Mochaberri on December 28, 2011 at 11:31 am

    @ FW #358 –

    Yes i do feel bad when he says taht and have expressed how awful it feels to hear. i do understand his feelings an d make sure not to over do it. And I agree that if he can’t rust me then he needs to move on – I have expressed that as well. he tells me that he wants me in his life and we will always be friends. I have expressed that I don’t want that and suggested that we can part ways. I’m beginning to reach my breaking point and don’t know what else can be done or said. I know that leaning back has produced great progress – I only call when I miss his call / I keep myself busy – which was never a problem and I feel that now the one thing that I haven’t done is when the conversation goes in a direction I don’t feel comfortable with is to get off the phone as quickly as possible and hang up if that’s required which is something that I don’t like being done to me but as you suggested maybe an expression of my anger that he needs to feel.

    Thank you for your recognition of my getting a handle on how I’m handling things. That gives me more of an incentive to become stonger


    Mochaberry I would feel bad hearing that he does not believe me and I would tell him that though I understand his feelings. Yes though I understand his feelings, he is a man so I would not be expressing that understanding so much. If he is so sure that he cannot believe you then maybe he should keep on trucking. I believe he needs to feel some of your anger also. There is something in this last post that feels like you have a lid on it somehow.

  447.  #447Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 11:32 am

    elle-emme Me too. I was really astouned when she instructed us to write down what we now make x 2. I wrote it down and started shaking. I had to laugh at myself just experiencing how fearful I was about a number on a page. Really eye opening stuff.

  448.  #448Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 11:37 am

    ” we will always be friends” I wonder what he means by this Mochaberry? Would that be satisfactory for you? I wonder if he has relegated you to the “just friends” category already so he feels okay not cherishing your feelings?

    In any event what is important is what you want in your life. Do you know what that is in the long term?

  449.  #449Lizka on December 28, 2011 at 11:44 am

    Oh!! So many new Sirens in here today!!

    Welcome ladies!!

    I went to the pool for a few hour and got tan. Now feeling a little tired, off to a little nap, I fee better than this morning. But that’s probably because the mother in law is not around. I have to find a way to enjoy these vacation.

  450.  #450Mochaberri on December 28, 2011 at 11:49 am

    @ FW #420 – YES!!!They are sooo useless…….No I have not tried either – I end up getting so triggered I unleash and then it becomes about my reaction then the issue at hand.

    I admit that a few of them I started because I’ve asked questions that triggered him, i.e. i asked him about some posts on his FB – and his reaction was when I asked you questions you didn’t tell the truth now you want to ask me questions and want an honest answer – so I don’t ask anymore questions. I don’t tell him how I feel about things that in my opinion aide in progression like not answering my calls, getting back to me when you say you are.

    So as I stated in my last post – when things seem to be creeping into the uncomfortable zone during a conversation I will:

    begin to change the subject

    walk away if we are face to face after stating that I’m feeling________________ like I did when I stayed the night and didn’t feel comfortable because things became more complicated than necessary

    not answer the phone if I’m not feeling up to it – or at least answer and say I can’t talk now

    Express my feelings and get off the phone

    Hang up the phone

  451.  #451elle_emme on December 28, 2011 at 11:50 am

    I am feeling frustrated. An old cd keeps calling and texting…no plans for xmas or my birthday (he left town and will be gone for 3 weeks, missing both occasions), no stepping up. It’s like he’s just hanging around. He gets really angry that I don’t initiate. I feel really turned off and bored and blech about him. And I feel really guilty about not being into it and feeling turned off to him, and I sense that this is attracting his anger. Going to heal this!

  452.  #452Silver-Tongued Siren on December 28, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Francesca, just so you know, I wrote you a response on the last blog post.. check there! :hugs!:

  453.  #453Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Now I remember Mochaberry. Are you exclusive with him? It is seeming to me like a break away from him might be what is needed. Or without initiating a breakup just lean totally back. No initiating anything and maybe dating yourself more.

  454.  #454Aurora Girl on December 28, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    442 FW

    yes…..for sure….need to trust ourselves first…….

    so on whether to disclose a feeling if it’s on the big side….good questions ar

    is it the right time?
    is it the right place?
    do we have time to process?
    is one of us tired?
    Can I find some words to express the big FM
    Can I share some of it?
    Can I share that I’m not sure and that I want to wait for a better time?

    my big one….”can I say no when I need to ?”

    is this too much head stuff? how do we process it through the heart and body?

    do I feel tension in sharing this ?
    do I feel relaxed sharing this?

    ……….lots to learn for me…..

    I think if I learn these and get better at them, that indeed my instances of resentment will go down….less frustration and anger….less anxiousness……more comfort…..more self assurance……


  455.  #455liz on December 28, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Hi sirens,

    I am writing because I just can’t get myself to feel better and I am going to have friends over for dinner and my son keeps asking me what’s wrong…..

    I went to the grocery store and there he was, accountantCD, walking into the grocery store….why is the universe so cruel?
    He looked really sad and we walked into the grocery store together chatting and then once we got into the store, he wanted to not be seen with me….he asked me how I was doing and I said okay and then he asked me what i did this morning and I said we went to watch Tintin and then he looked like he did not want to talk to me anymore and he said I will see you guys later.
    I feel so heartbroken, I thought he was different than the other guys. He was so sweet to me before we had all this sex talk and now it has turned to shit and my self esteem has taken a dive.
    i feel like emailing him and telling him how bad i feel.
    i am so sad that i have had another friendship turn into crap.
    thanks for listening.

  456.  #456Ella on December 28, 2011 at 12:39 pm


    I feel sad when I hear you feel unsafe.

    You can do whatever you want.

    I am just saying that I have seen you go round in this cycle again and again.

    Yes we are all human with our own patterns and issues, and I am all for individuality and spirit within a relationship.

    And just speaking from what I have learned from Rori and what I have experienced myself, it doesn’t matter if a man welcomes us to lean forward… they will… by all means lean forward if you want to…

    And when I say constantly that was the wrong word, repeatedly over the time I have seen you posting feels more accurate.

    You can do what you like…

    And then you will reap the consequences of what you have chosen.

    Are you creating what you want?

    What we have learned here with Rori is that leaning forward, over functioning, being in our masc energy is fine sometimes… and men will encourage it…

    But will it help the relationship?


    Will it build attraction?


    What about taking the spiritual path and the intelligence path… will it interest him?? Maybe, will he think we are clever and amazing women?? Probably.

    Will we get into his heart? Will he want us for keeps?


    What are you trying to achieve here?

    You say you are ok with friends and then it really seems like you are not.

    I honestly think we can do it every now and again (leaning forward) in an established relationship… and is this relationship where you want it to be just yet?

    And even when it is I personally won’t slip into leaning forward and being in masc too much as I believe it would still cause detriment to the relationship over time.

    There are no extremes here, only whether what is occuring feels good and what we are doing regularly brings us what we want/need in our life.

    To me right now what feels uncomfortable reading your posts is that I feel distrustful. It looks like you are doing certain things because you feel certain ways, and then you are defending what you are doing… and saying you are ok with it and somehow it just doesn’t feel congruent… it doesn’t feel like you really believe that.

    And then I hear what sounds to me like excuses for what isn’t working, all about needing to know this or that… or being human, or misunderstood.

    I am sorry I know this is going to come across harsh and I don’t want to upset you.

    I feel unheard.

    Cus the thing is, then it is a few weeks later and you still don’t ‘know’ anymore about the relationship than you did before, so the 50 ton truck behaviour didn’t work anyway.

    What do you think about that?

    You say you assume this or that about his feelings.

    But why would you assume?

    If the focus is off him we are not even thinking about that.

    We are not thinking about the relationship at all.

    We are sitting in our meadow happily playing and attending to ourselves.

    Then when he shows up with something to respond to, that is when we can respond to HIS feelings for us… to his approaches, and questions.

    I am not trying to make you feel wrong, defensive or misunderstood.

    I just care. I want you to heal and feel good because I am connected to you, we all are.

    And I just want you to look again at whether your approach is creating what you want and whether, if you are really honest with yourself, you are really using the Rori approach at this point in time?

    I hope that when I am in your situation I will assume there is NO relationship at all until he lets me know, without a doubt, that there is.

    Ill or not if a man wants you he will let you know.

    No action from us required.

    Other than to be open and receptive.

    I don’t think he has let you know yet and I feel scared to hear you getting excited thinking he might. If that is me I don’t want to build up my expectations like that when he hasn’t given me reason to do that yet.

    I am still learning.

    You are doing fine I just hope you can be open and see your situation clearly.

    Its your life – you can do exactly what you like, and I will still love you.

    Just wondered if this is really what you want??

    Whew, ok, taking my boy hat off now.

    Love to you Esteemed.


  457.  #457Ella on December 28, 2011 at 12:47 pm