Prescription For Deep Love

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I’m always looking for new ways to help our love lives by helping ourselves – and here’s a great article by Eva Vennari – and to me – it’s the Hair Analysis part of her work that’s so interesting:

If you’re like me, you’re a fan of Rori Raye and her perfect advice on not only how to catch your dream guy, but how to keep him.  You want it to last, don’t you?

If your goal is a deep loving relationship, it is that special type of healthy relationship that can only happen between two people.  It’s a blending of souls.

It is not just two roommates, partners, companions, or friends who sleep together, share meals, or live together.  It is much more.  It involves a blending of their source energy fields in a very harmonious way… where healing occurs in both partners.

They live longer, they feel more relaxed together, and they can thrive more harmoniously.  This is a relationship worth having, yes?

How can we support living in a healthful manner together?

Few people really want to live with someone who does not want to care for the body correctly.

Few know what that means, but we seem to recognize what we don’t want when we see it.

One of the reasons I divorced my husband was his addiction to prescription medicines and what they were doing to his body, and personality.

Be sure to eat with health in mind, retire early, rest, and dress warmly.

Stay away from all alcohol & drugs.

It’s not present in most deep loving relationships that I’ve witnessed.

I recommend staying away from long-term prescription or OTC medications, if possible.  All medical drugs, bar none, are toxic to the brain and nervous system, not to mention the body.  They alter the mind.

Too many people are listening to their doctors without discretion and taking powerful medications that weaken them or alter their mind.  As a result, after a few weeks or months of taking them, the mind and personality begins to change for the worse.

One can literally become a bit foggy-brained, more irritable, more angry or something else.  This tends to weaken any relationship because it weakens the person in a subtle way, or perhaps an obvious one.

During my short 4-year marriage, my x-husband became ill-tempered, verbally abusive, and delusional.  One night he described to me this flying monster that was going to “get him” while curled in a fetal position, crying.  He continued taking the drug anyway.

This is a very common and serious problem for many relationships today due to the widespread prescribing of medical drugs and the willingness of too many people to take prescribed medications without questioning the need for them, especially longer-term.

Last year, our children lost their father when he admitted himself to a hospital for the removal of kidney stones.  From the years of prescription drug use, his body was too weak, and the preparation they gave him pushed him into a massive and fatal heart attack.

Simple caring for the body is essential for a happy relationship.

Warmest regards,


From Rori:

If you’ve ever had hair analysis done , and it was helpful to you, let me know here.

Here’s where to find Eva, her site, and all the information on it:

Eva Vennari, NC

Founder – Author  S.E.L.F. Nutrition| Hotline 408.800.SELF

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 7:15 am


  2.  #2Iamabutterfly on June 14, 2012 at 7:41 am


  3.  #3Iamabutterfly on June 14, 2012 at 7:46 am

    I feel so curious about all of this. I agree with this article completely. Natural foods and remedies ALWAYS trump synthetic ones. Many times, doctors just want to shut you up and get you out of their office. They have so many patients, it is impossible for them to care about your individualized health. YOU have to care for your own health. Educate yourself. It may save your life…

  4.  #4mali on June 14, 2012 at 8:06 am

    FOURRR!! 😀

  5.  #5Emoticon on June 14, 2012 at 8:23 am


  6.  #6Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Wow this article is really powerful…I do believe that prescription medications can help people, but all with a grain of salt and in moderation….
    People (and doctors) get carried away and see drugs as the end all/be all for solving a problem.
    Most people don’thave the disciplne to employ a special diet or health regimen that would really help them.
    They’d rather take a pill, and doctors often *shrug* and don’t push for a lifestyle change…they are trained to diagnose and prescribe drugs.

  7.  #7Ella on June 14, 2012 at 9:11 am

    So Sirens I feel quite excited that I did my first ever radio interview with the local radio station.

    You can listen in here if you are interested:—listen-now.html

    It is on the subject of Pole Fitness.

  8.  #8Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Ella!!!!! Wow so impressive….I am soo proud of you siren! Siren power on the radio!!
    I am glowing with admiration for you…I’m going to listen to it…

  9.  #9Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Ella your voice is lovely and I love your accent 🙂 I now want to try pole fitness! You’ve sold me on it! You sound great and so professional and confident 😀

  10.  #10Starla on June 14, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Ella, I can’t wait to listen!

    I feel so sad reading about Eva’s children losing their father to rx drugs. In my state, more people die of rx drug use every year than car wrecks. And we’re still petitioning the board of health to add impossible-to-overdose-from medical m*rijuana to the cover more medical conditions.

    Backwards society

  11.  #11Sunshine on June 14, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Yesterday went to the nurse for a checkup …im not sexually active, I dont have acne and skin looks great, my periods are regular, my cramping the first days of cycle is bearable, so…..why did she constantly force birth control? I felt annoyed I kept explaining how I dont need it. Anyway left with the little paper that has perscription and Im not gonna get it…seriously I read up on it it alters your body and hormones…I also read it makes u less attractive not by looks but by smell (hormone related) and there is a tendency to go for more feminine energy men if you are a long birth control taker! If its something you must take for health symptoms I understand but if not I dont understand why take it..anyway its frustrating how forceful medical doctore are about thing that are not necessary

  12.  #12Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Sunshine, I have experienced the same behavior from doctors pushing birth control. Jeez. I was on it for a while but I’ve been off it for a good 6 or 7 years now. I have to say I wish I never took it. Yes, there are risks and benefits too…but I wonder about the effects that you mentioned like the alteration of our pheremones and hormones…and the tendency to attract the feminine type men OMG that is really interesting!!!!

  13.  #13Starla on June 14, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Sunshine, taking birth control (which my doctor insisted for years to treat a hormonal issue) made my problems so much worse. That’s when my depression began, and i developed an unwanted hair growth issue that never went away.

    I told my doctor i didn’t like what was happening but she dismissed me. Now all 3 brands she put me on have been recalled and are subjects of class action law suits.

    I’m so glad you’re standing up for your health!

  14.  #14Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

    I also went to a doctor/psychiatrist many years ago after a breakup with collegeEx…and I was so sad (which is NORMAL)…

    I just needed someone to talk to so I could work through my feelings and figure things out and not constantly dump on my family and friends…I needed a neutral outlet.

    You know what???

    She told me I was depressed and tried to put me on meds! After ONE session of me telling her my boyfriend and I broke up and I was sad. I was in my mid 20s. Her solution was a strong antidepressant and she pushed it HARD.

    She was not interested in recommending for me counseling sessions, which I thought was so weird….because knowing what I know now…talk therapy is supposed to go in conjunction with meds!!! I feel angry when I think about this.

  15.  #15Sunshine on June 14, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Emerson, glad your on the no birth control wagon…I even wonder if I become sexually active with one partner in the future, arent there techniques to prevent pregnancy, and condoms? etc.? after all bcontrol doesnt prevent STDs….
    anyway yeah I saw an article Ill see if I can look it up about the feminine man thing…this really shook me up thats when I thought no way….I remember the nurse practitioner kept asking me all kinds of things to convince me and she asked me about facial hair and I admitted I get a little stub here and there that is annoying, and thats how she forced the BControl. I humored her and said ok because I wasnt sure but once I got home and researched I made my desicion. Its hard to use feeling messages with experts…it feels intimidating hope I can improve on this. glad Im sticking to my guns!!

  16.  #16Emoticon on June 14, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Finally got my beat, about 2 start writing my first song ever 🙂

  17.  #17Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 10:09 am

    I believe it is the same with ADHD and ADD or whatever it is called.

  18.  #18Starla on June 14, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Day 5 NC

    I feel more tempted than ever to text CF wondering how on earth he could send me an email and refuse to speak to me ever again.

    Not going to, of course. I bet I could win him over by chasing him hard, but I deserve better treatment.

    And…I need to be alone for a while


  19.  #19Sunshine on June 14, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Starla, Im glad your not taking it anymore so sorry that happened to you…the more I think about these situations it feels scary how the medical world is supposed to be a place we should trust with our bodies, yet their expertise is so confined and can at times be so closed minded and lead us to the wrong path like the post says.
    Emerson, I cant believe she didnt suggest personal counseling! Some people are just so stuck in their ways and what they know… antidepressants feel scary to me I was suggested to take them once and when I read on the back “possible feelings of suicide”…um yeah that did not feel comforting..I felt scared that this medicine could actually potentially affect you in such a way.

  20.  #20Starla on June 14, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I’ve also been hearing hateful voices toward CF in my head. really hateful name calling type words that I never ever associated with him before.

    I’m guessing it’s just part of the process.

    I’m glad there’s actually a PROCESS now, too. Before I sent him my email, I was feeling so stuck.

  21.  #21Daria on June 14, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Brandy lion – I tell all men far away

    Aww I feel dissapointed you’re far away… I’m only here to meet men in person…

    They might say they travel to my area in which case they can set up a date

    I don’t let men get to know me online, that starts in person at the first meeting

    basically Nothing until the meeting is real, and I don’t invest my energy… Learning to screen out men by saying – in person only – and keep phonecls to 10 min changed my dating experience dramatically

  22.  #22Starla on June 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Also, this is true No Contact. I’m not looking at his facebook or his family’s facebooks, I’m not looking at his POF profile, and I’m certainly not contacting him. I’m trying to forget he exists, for now.

    (((((((((my broken heart)))))))))

  23.  #23Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 10:23 am


  24.  #24Emoticon on June 14, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Ella, I love your accent!!

  25.  #25Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 10:27 am

    19 Sunshine…I know…the warnings include possible increased risk of $uicide, especially in young adults, and yet she was pushing HARD for me to take it!

    I wasn’t feeling $uicidal…but I was pretty blue, so it was scary that the pills were going to send me over the edge…OMG! Oh and she even yawned while I was talking to her about my situation. Now I would have just asked for my money back and asked for a different shrink, but back then I just chucked the whole idea of counseling and decided it was better therapy to party my a$$ off with my friends. Lovely!

  26.  #26Jessie1000 on June 14, 2012 at 10:28 am

    wow…my roommate was so jonesing for a high that he asked the dentist to give him extra needles when he got a cavity done just so he could feel more high or numb….the doctor refused, right fully so, but he is hard up and unhappy.

    I have to say that would be a low point for me but sometimes we can be protectors so that people with addictions dont feel the need to change….we pick up the slack, we overparent to compensate that daddy is in a fog….we cover for them or keep company from dropping over so no one knows.

    I realized that telling everyone will definitely drive the addict away. In a good way.

    I used to tell everyone that my sons father was a complete and total pot head. I told every person that stopped by….come in, my husband is baked out of his mind….dont worry though, he wont remember ur visit.

    I told my mother, my father, very embarassing to a young man in front of older generations.

    I refused to spend a dollar on the house, groceries, gas or entertainment because I told him if u can roll a gram joint up first thing in the morning, then Im not prepared to hear that u are BROKE….lol no more.

    Soon he felt like a dog. Not that I cared, BUT, he did move out, find a chronic gf, and never came back. They are totally happy together….half the time they are so baked, they walk around our town right out of their minds….they both got extremely fat, my ex used to be in hard great shape.

    Finally, he suffers from extreme anxiety now likely because he medicates his anxiety with weed instead of going to a doctor…he has huge issues from his past with his dad….he tells me all the time that I was the best thing he ever had.

    TOo bad because he wasnt the best thing I ever had. He wasnt anything but enslaved to his medicine and expected me to help him do it.

    Plus if u dont smoke, have u ever tried to plan a life, baby issues, even buy groceries? with a man who is chronically high? GOod luck. ITs like they arent even present. SOmetimes they laugh. Sometimes they get freaked out. A trip to the corner store is extremely difficult when u smoke all day lol.

    So good luck to him. And good riddance. When he left, everyone knew how addicted he was, no one took his side, or my side, they were happy that I stood up for myself and were thinking about my children first….I pictured my son puff puff puffing with his dad, and it gave me the strength to be firm and get my self together.

    My next man spoiled me rotton. And was always present.

    Not that there is anthing wrong with weed. I personally think it is almost harmless. However, I dotn want to be with someone who cant be without it all day long.
    Thats my choice….i got places to go and people to see. He still works in the same pizza place, not even manager, for the last 14 years. He finished an acct. degree and never used it. It took him 7 years.

    I now make about 40 times what he does. And im sober. So, am I hurt? HELL YES. He should have got help and quit.

    Am I looking back? Hell no.

    His loss. If it happens to anyone else out there….think of what a heavy weight that is to carry every day when you already have your own life to take care of.

    Kisses everyone!!

  27.  #27Mel on June 14, 2012 at 10:29 am

    I’m starting to sell-off / give away a lot of my stuff. Mr A has most everything, so no need to keep my utilitarian furniture and unnecessary ‘objects’ anymore.

    Just precious things… things that can fit into my car and mean something. It actually feels kinda freeing to know that I could pack up all my worldly possessions, fit them in my hatchback and head into the sunset at will.

    I have no actual desire to walk away, but I love knowing that I could leave at a moment’s notice if I cared to.

    I think that comes from my feeling so stuck at the end of my marriage… and powerless to get away. Interesting that a sense of mobility and freedom is feeling so empowering to me now.

    I come first, what I want for myself. I intend to always be happy.

  28.  #28Sunshine on June 14, 2012 at 10:35 am

    Emerson haha, you know what counseling is weird for me too sometimes I start to think “well, Im just sharing with someone what I already know…” sometimes I dont feel trust with some counselors I start to wonder what theyre thinking…just me, I cant get over that I have to pretend they are not humans and non-biased/non-judgemental listeners…sorry but I cant believe that especially with the facial expressions that I catch dunno Im really observant my own issue lol. or when a student psychologist probably my age is talking to me like a poor little baby who doesnt know any better …. that felt good to get out…GOOD FOR YOU FOR PARTYING:) no one yawns when theyre at da club
    Anyway here are the links

  29.  #29Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Mel thanks for sharing that. It is the kind of thing I bellyache over too. The last man who asked me if I thought about selling my house and all “marriage” entails I kinda wondered what he was saying because my intention was to keep it for my parents. But when I really stopped to think about moving in it felt overwhelming. I guess maybe I am still “stuck” in my mind why he stopped talking about it and kinda drifted.

  30.  #30Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Thanks Sunshine…I laughed when I read your comment that nobody is yawning at the club! haha…

    Well thanks for the link & I will check it out…

    I hope all sirens have a good day…I’m off to get mine started. 😀

  31.  #31Sassy on June 14, 2012 at 10:40 am

    I don’t know what day I’m on. There has been no contact since my last text to him last Thursday but he didn’t bother to read it until Friday. What I do know is that I deleted our text messages, deleted his contact info and unfriended him on FB. Not that he will even notice. My biggest NC message will be that I decided to NOT text him on Fathers Day. He may realize that I have quit. I really don’t expect he will contact me anytime soon, if at all, ever again. I am past the anger part. I am in the teary part but I’ll survive. He is soooo not worth wasting time or tears on.

  32.  #33Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 10:42 am

    I feel inspired by the no contact you sirens are doing…I am going to do this with Recycled for a while….I think I need a break from him.

    Also any suggestions for me with NewCD who keeps in touch saying hi etc…via text…but can never seem to make a plan?????????????????

  33.  #34Mel on June 14, 2012 at 10:45 am


    I feel really sireny knowing that I’m not tied-down by stuff anymore.

    I am free, like a butterfly, to go where the wind takes me. But for now, I am choosing to rest on the fingertip of one very special man who loves to take care of me.

  34.  #35Starla on June 14, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Jessie, if it makes you feel any less unfairly robbed, 99% chance says he would have been a big loser without the pot, too.

    I live in a city where there are more MJ stores than there are starbucks in the WHOLE STATE, and the sky hasn’t fallen and nothing major has changed. Losers will always be losers, and motivated people will always be motivated people.

    I stopped using MJ a couple weeks ago (maybe longer?) to face my anxiety and communication issues more square in the eye. And because I might need to get a new job one of these days and don’t want to hassle with sneaking other people’s pee into the drug testing facility, hahahaa.

  35.  #36ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Re: the neediness topic from last post

    I feel neediness is not really about our personalities or our insecurities. I feel it relates directly with how two people interact. I have been needy with some guys, but I have been completely the opposite with other guys. Yes, maybe those guys pull triggers within me that cause my neediness, but I am not a constantly needy person. It totally depends on how I feel in the situation. And, it’s not even all the time with the same guy. There could be periods of being completely fine, but then periods of neediness. For me, it really all boils down to how we are interacting and how I feel about that interaction.

  36.  #37Starla on June 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

    and to give my lungs a break… that was actually the first motivation, and then i realized the other benefits:)

  37.  #38Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Ella – fab voice and very articulate! 🙂

    I’ve done pole fitness a couple of times.. I might get back into it.. I felt so dizzy though!!

  38.  #39ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

    The opposite is also true about people who don’t take medication that they need to take. We just need to research and make educated decisions regarding medication…what we really need and what we don’t. The guy I dated a few years back is a prime example of this. He didn’t take meds he really needed, but took meds he didn’t need. He was a mess.

  39.  #40Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 11:09 am

    36: ReceivingGirl

    I completely agree. My previous relationship was with a guy who constantly told me how much he loved me. I knew how loved I was, he wanted marriage, kids etc. Was really open about how he felt, rang me and text all the time. I was completely and utterly at ease in the relationship in knowing I was loved and never would have known problems existed to even find a site like this in that relationship.

    The relationship I am in now I know he loves me but he doesn’t call, he doesn’t express his love as much, he can’t express feelings as much. Etc. My needs aren’t met in knowing I am loved and him making me feel secure. In this relationship, maybe at times yeah i’m needy. Needy of the love and to just know.

    Out of the two relationships.. I would choose the one I was in. The previous guy I lost feelings for. He was too much. Strange eh.

  40.  #41Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 11:10 am

    The one I *am in

  41.  #42ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Slippin’ Goddess

    He was too much as in overbearing?

  42.  #43Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Sometimes.. I guess he wasn’t getting what he needed from me though and it made him needy..
    I didn’t love him like I love my boyfriend now.
    I can never remember obsessing at all over him or getting upset because I was so sure of his love for me. He was the one who would get upset and beg me not to leave etc. if we had an argument.
    We were together 2 years and to be honest very very close.
    Yet I love this one but I don’t feel as ‘in control’ or ‘sure’ I guess..

  43.  #44Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 11:39 am

    The point I’m trying to make I guess is that we can be needy or not needy in different relationships and at different times. It depends on how the two people interact – like you said.

  44.  #45Rebecca on June 14, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Hmmm… I think I am needy.. Hmmm… I text a lot… I wonder if this triggers people. I always think they should find me really witty and funny.

    My ex-boyfriend used to annoy me because he could NEVER be serious. I fell out with hin over it and he said we were too alike… At the time I laughed my head off at how propesterous that sounded. Now I’m thinking maybe its true..?!

  45.  #46Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Hmm well along the lines of this article…I think people jump to prescription drugs too fast…without exploring all other options first. I know there are some drugs that are necessary for survival, (i.e. insulin) but there are alternative therapies for some illnessess and our culture does not embrace them very much.
    I especially think about the mental health issues that are “treated” with drugs…and I wonder if there are alternatives that would be better….

  46.  #47ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Well, I’m feeling needy right now. Mr. Observant phoned yesterday for the first time since I’ve been back from vacation and his bipolar stuff began. He asked if he could call me later, but he didn’t call. I know there is a swinging cycle that occurs when his meds are starting to work.

    Even though I want to, I haven’t tried calling or texting him. I will wait for him to contact me.

    I feel the need to see him. Just literally look at him, see what he looks like and if he looks ok. I also feel the need to just hug him. I’ve been feeling these needs for over a week now. I was hopeful yesterday when he called that maybe I would get to see him this weekend. He’s quiet again, so not sure if that will happen. 🙁

  47.  #48CurvySiren10 on June 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Starla, 10- I am so with you on the MJ issue!

  48.  #49Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Aww.. I’m feeling needy also..

    I actually feel ok but its weird not really speaking to him.. It’s going on that long now that I’m wondering what we were even arguing about and I just cant wait for a hug..

    It seems so weird when hes on facebook and yet I havnt really spoke to him all day.. Strange.. I hope he’s missing me..

    I kinda feel like y leaning back he’s going to think I don’t care anymore.. That worries me. They need to feel needed too.. right?

  49.  #50Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Jessie1000 – what a story! Good for you for staying strong. Sounds difficult, but you definitely *know* you deserve better!

  50.  #51ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 12:11 pm


    I’m sure he is missing you. You know he is thinking of you cause he sent you those messages. Yes, I believe they need to feel needed too. Here’s hoping we both get our hugs soon! 🙂

  51.  #52Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Mel – I feel weird and a little bit nervous reading that you are giving away *your* stuff in order to move in with your guy. I mean, I’m not worried about you, being that you were talking about being able to leave and not being trapped and all that. I guess that’s what you meant by the “free” feeling of being able to pack it all up in a hatchback.

    But part of me in my abdomen is twitching at the idea that it doesn’t seem “fair” or equitable that way. I like purging sometimes. But I also like my stuff. Why should *you* be the one to get rid of your things? What about him? Couldn’t he keep some things and get rid of some stuff he has in order to make room for you and *your* stuff, which is emblematic of you and part of your life and who you are.

    I guess you have your priorities and I’m happy you feel good. But I feel very nervous and not good about this arrangement. This isn’t what I would want for myself, and that’s just me. I would prefer more of a “merging” where one person does not have all the “stuff,” but we would each keep some and give some stuff away….

    Hope you done feel I’m criticizing. Just wanting to share how I feel… Xox

  52.  #53Tam on June 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Oh Jeepers, my anger is coming back.
    I just posted something, which I thought was funny, on my fb. Well, lots of guys have made jokes by now how they will marry me so I can stay in the US. So I jokingly posted ‘oh, had 5 marriage proposals, too bad that 4 were joking or half hearted’ – the 5th was real but as you all know I didn’t do it as I ran to Mr Unavailable. Of course I did not say anything else. So I get the message from one of my CD’s that he feels like an antelope in a herd and feels I have lied to him about my personality. WHAT? It is clearly a joke, everybody else got it.

    I am peeved by this, especially since I feel entitled to make a joke on my own expense considering my life has just crashed. I want to say: yeah, you’re just one in the herd…keep running.

    I am angry again now 🙁

  53.  #54Tam on June 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    eermmm, I only said what is in the quote ‘ ‘, nothing about Mr Unavailable or the 1 proposal being real..oops..sorry confusing you.

  54.  #55Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    🙂 I’m sure we will.. xoxo
    I’m starting to think I said to him I need space and he’s giving it to me and yet I’m expecting him to come to me. Maybe he’s feeling really left out thinking I’m just ignoring him. Hmph.

    Is the advice the same? I mean if he asks for space I know the best thing to do is leave him be ..but really I was the one kind of asking for space.. Will he still come to me or will he just be waiting and feeling unwanted/needed.. I don’t want to push him away and make him feel I’m gettin on quite fine without him..

    I wish I could give advice sometimes instead of droning on about my own problems. Just don’t feel appropriately wise enough right now haha

  55.  #56Tam on June 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    oh, he now realised how stupid he was an said ‘sorry I was just joking’. Oh man, I am so bored with fragile egos.

  56.  #57ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    I’m having a hard time concentrating at work today. I feel tired and bored. My head is a fog. EngineerCD (I don’t remember what I called him before) who was flirting with me after our meeting, phoned, but I missed his call. He left a nervous, blubbering voicemail, with an actual purpose. I phoned him back, but I got his voicemail, so I just left a message. He’s been keeping the emails up since May.

  57.  #58ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    @55 SG

    I’m interested to see what other sirens have to say. I feel since you asked for space, it is your place to go to him. But, I may be way off on that.

  58.  #59Rebecca on June 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Slippin Goddess

    This is the bit I find difficult too..

    “I kinda feel like y leaning back he’s going to think I don’t care anymore.. That worries me. They need to feel needed too.. right?”

    Ahhhh… It’s so hard.. I know I am needy. I sooo want to change it..

  59.  #60Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    I’ve just suddenly started feeling a little bad and wondering if I’m actually pushing him away.
    I mean I left, I got the train. I told him I needed time to sort my head out. I was promoting the space even though I didn’t reaaally want it and he agreed saying maybe space will do us good.

    He text at 6am saying good luck, then at 8am about the holiday, then at 12 asking how the job was. I replied at 3pm with “Really good, felt really excited seeing the place!”
    No contact since and its 8.30pm. He’s been on facebook but not interacted with me.

    I’m windering whether he’s feeling I’m not interested and don’t care and is that what I really ought to be putting across? I’m confused. Feel like reaching out and saying.. I’m still here, I still love you! 🙂

  60.  #61Tam on June 14, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    @55..hmmm..sounds to me that if you leave a bit more ‘space’ he will come anyway, but yeah I guess since you are the one asking for space it should maybe be you initiating now if you are done with the space?
    But men do forget and if they really want you, in my experience they’ll come anyway…..depends what you feel like doing. Has the space been beneficial? Has it done for you what you wanted it to do, or was it just to ‘get something’ from him? I don’t know.
    I once said to a guy to only contact me again when he has sorted himself out and knows what he wants. Well, he came back but seemingly had forgotten what I had asked before, and was still unsure what he wanted…he just wanted me back in his life. So the space made no difference at Ah, life!! 🙂

  61.  #62Mel on June 14, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Hey Tereana!

    I love that you feel concerned for me! Thanks. That makes me feel all smiley. 🙂

    I guess it’s that I’m not overly attached to my stuff. My furniture is not particularly lovely (just economical Ikea stuff mostly) and I am bringing all the things that have any meaning to me.

    He’s making special “spaces” for me to store some things and has purchased me a pretty dresser and made room for me in his closet.

    His furniture is pretty new, and much of it has been purchased with my nod of approval.

    When he asked me to move in, I told him my “requirements” and he has been happy to oblige.

    It actually feels good and freeing and like I’m helping myself to become less materialistic.

  62.  #63Starla on June 14, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Oh Mel, I feel so jealous:D

  63.  #64ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Mel that feels so nice. It sounds like he is treating you well.

    I need to get rid of some of my things too. They are bringing me down…to cluttered in my closets!

  64.  #65Rebecca on June 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Aahh Starla ~ me too! But congrats Mel!

  65.  #66Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I feel compelled to text him now so he doesnt think I’m being funny.. but am I just going to mess up all the leaning back I’ve done? Argh..

    What about “Felt good to receive your texts this morning, sorry I couldnt reply.. im still here for you, I havnt disowned you ;)” or is that too much.. god this stuffs hard..

    or just a “night handsome” I dunno.. something so he knows I havnt completely disowned him haha help

  66.  #67Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    but then the whole point was that I was angry about the drugs, time etc.. and is that really going to change?
    Because as mentioned above.. I don’t actually think he knows clearly what I want to change, I tell him but he doesn’t get it..

    Confusinggg.. “Miss you” is that too much? haha I’m going insane with trying to do everything by the book.

  67.  #68ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 1:16 pm


    Maybe get out of your head and into how you feel?

  68.  #69Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Forget what I just said.. He just text me..

    Why does this keep happening? Just as Im about to crack he gets in touch. 🙂

    I can ‘respond’ now and so I guess win both ways 😉

  69.  #70ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    SG…that is good.

  70.  #71Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    SG forget things like “sorry blah blah” just keep sharing how you feel, it would feel, it felt. Even if it is helpless, lost, confused.

  71.  #72Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    If you are going insane it shows you are too much in your head. Drop your thoughts to your pelvis, lean back, even get naked as Rori suggests and lie down when communicating with him so you can feel your body.

  72.  #73Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Slippin Goddess he is respecting your request for space. That seems considerate to me. Plus he is showing you he is thinking of you. The fact you are responding is showing him you are still available for him. Every now and again send the I love you into the atmosphere, say it aloud if you must but make the effort to take your mind off him so the obsession to contact does not overtake you. He knows he has your heart. He wants you to help him to know your boundaries.

  73.  #74Tam on June 14, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Oh, interesting about the getting naked… wondering if that would change the way of communicating. Curious about that.

  74.  #75Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    They need to feel needed but their idea of that is different than ours. They feel needed when they are doing stuff for us and giving to us. Right now he is giving you a lot of thought and attention. Let him keep coming towards you in his energy while you receive it. You are taking physical space. Think absence makes the heart grow fonder. Also it is scientifically proven that the brain causes a person to love you more for a while after a breakup. Let him decide if he wants you badly enough to break his own habit.

  75.  #76Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    It definitely reminds me to drop my thoughts to my pelvis and be in my body. Also to stop everything else and focus my attention on the conversation and feel.

  76.  #77Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Do you have any of Rori’s work? The book is real cheap and the Heart Connection Toolkit is very affordable.

  77.  #78Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    I honestly absorb all your advice like a sponge. You speaks so much sense and it’s actually really interesting to learn how things work. It calms me and helps me gain perspective. Thankyou.

  78.  #79Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Yes, I have the book but if I’m honest I’ve never really worked on it as I should have. Maybe it’s time to go back to it.

  79.  #80Linda on June 14, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    I dont know what I am doing. I opened up my profile again after 2 years of having it hidden, not deleted, (which tells me I knew I would need it again someday) I just looked and my inbox is full of emails? How can that be?

    I have been in an “you are undesireable” environment for so long I believed it. My self speak has not be flatering. (I am embarassed to admit)

    Well maybe I will circular date again soon. I have got to get back on my horse. I feel cautious, extremely skeptical and guarded. Those are not good, meet and greet attitudes . I feel afraid that I will be running to sooth the vacancy in my life with another person. My heart is depleted, I dont have a thing to give. I have been pushing myself to reconnect with people I met before I was with him. It has taken every ounce of my strength to do that, but I have done it!. I am not doing my usual, stay in and withdraw from life . Maybe I have made some personal progress this time around…. I honestly dont feel excited about getting back out there. I feel frozen. I dont want to do anything stupid, I have been hurt enough, I feel curiostiy and fear at the same time.



  80.  #81Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    It is

  81.  #82Francesca on June 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm


    Ditto what the other sirens said, your accent is just lovely!

    You sound well-spoken and you very eloquently described what pole fitness is.

    i hope you get loads of new people coming to you for lessons because you really sound like you could whip just anybody into shape! 🙂

  82.  #83Starla on June 14, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Ella, you have the NICEST voice:) you should make guided meditations and sell them/put them on youtube/something like that:D

  83.  #84ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    FW – I always love reading your advice.

  84.  #85Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    SG I encourage you to practice FMs on here eg I feel centered and calm reading……………..I feel like a sponfe absorbing…………….I feel intrigued and fascinated like a baby learning how things work. These are not “perfect” FMs but the point is to get started so it begins to feel natural

  85.  #86Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Thank you

  86.  #87Starla on June 14, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    I use feeling messages alll the time.. it felt awkward at first but now I use them without even thinking about it. I remember when I started, some men poked fun at me, saying things like “that would FEEL fun???”

    yes. that would feel fun. thanks for the invitation:)

    when it becomes natural, they don’t notice anymore. they just feel incredibly attracted to you and can’t put their finger on it. It FEELS cute. hehehe

  87.  #88Lizka on June 14, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Hi sirens,

    I haven’t talk to ATW for 5 days now. I guess it’s definitely over.

    For the 1st time in 1.5 year, I feel totally detached from him. I can feel that it’s over and I’m not sad at all, not worried, not mad.

    I actually feel like laughing. He didn’t call me and I feel like laughing. How funny!

    It’s gonna look stupid and crazy, but I think that the few days of intense flirt with MarriedMan helped me. I felt desired and beautiful and special and it helped me to boost my confidence that I’m gonna end up one day with a man who can gives me more attention in 1 day than ATW did in 1.5 year.

    About MarriedMan and me… we decided to stop the flirting because I told him that’s not what I wanted in my life. We agreed to go on a real date if ever he divorces from his wife, which he said was coming soon.

    Since then, we’ve exchange a couple of texts, but way less intense. At the office, he still throws me these looks and it feels nice, but nothing more.

    It feels good like that, I have the attention, but I don’t feel involved in an intense and damaging flirt. I just hope I don’t fall back…

    I have to admit I am a little bit afraid. Tomorrow, the whole company is going to a golf tournament. Everybody is planning to drink A LOT, including me. That’s pretty much the point of going there. It’s more a party than a golf party. I know when tipsy he’s gonna try to flirt with me. And when I am tipsy, I’m the most flirty girl in the world. So I feel this might be dangerous for us… but at the same time, I’m telling myself that I only get one life to live…

    But if anything happen, or if the flirt gets more intense again, I’m feeling sorry I won’t be able to write about it here. I felt so judged 2 days ago when I wrote about it and everyone was against me. I know you’re all trying to protect me and my heart, but that was a lot of pressure and I almost thought of never coming to write here again.

    I don’t talk to all my girl friends because they were not approving my dating choices. I didn’t know who to talk about and this is the only place I had to talk about ATW and my other CDs. Everyone else was judging me.

    And now, I’m feeling kind of the same here. I’m feeling pretty sad about it…

  88.  #89Starla on June 14, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Lizka, drink looooooooots of water. Try to be the least drunk person there. You’ll be okay:)

  89.  #90Lizka on June 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    But Starla… sorry if that sounds alcoholic a bit, but I don’t want to be the least drunk person there!! haha

  90.  #91Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I will try to use more FM’s on here, I do find it quite difficult but hopefully with practice it will become more natural.

  91.  #92CurvySiren10 on June 14, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Aww Lizka, I feel sad to hear that you don’t want to post here and feel judged. I think you have to just understand that the whole married thing triggers some people. No one understands YOUR life or walking in your shoes, and I, for one, prefer to lend support rather than judgment. Hugs to you. I hope you have a great time at the golf tournament tomorrow.

  92.  #93Starla on June 14, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I hear you, Lizka, but, unfortunately, becoming uninhibited and of impaired judgment can have lasting negative effects on our professional lives.

    It’s definitely your choice and I will not care either way:)

  93.  #94pamelala on June 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    I’m feel sad that you interpretted what happened here regarding Married Man as judgement. I didn’t comment, but was watching from the sidelines and was in accord with much of what was said with regard to ending the relationship with a man who is unavailable. I thought you agreed that it wasn’t good for you and you were setting yourself up to be hurt. Now, I fear you are setting yourself up to break your own boundaries at the golf party.

    In my experience, the sirens give care and advice as requested and they tell it straight. They do this, not out of judgement, but out of a deep care for one another.

    My hope is that you can relook at the events of the past week from a new perspective and realize how much you were being cared for. No one wanted you to get hurt.

    Also, you mention that you don’t tell your friends about your life because they don’t like your choices. Now, you threaten to leave here if the women here don’t like your choices. That really stuck out to me and I’m choosing to use it as a mirror because I tend to isolate when I know I am making self-destructive choices and I don’t want anyone to stop me.

    I feel hopeful that you can hold to your boundaries and honor your desire to find a hot, attentive and loving available man. You deserve it!


  94.  #95Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    SG why did you choose Slippin as your screenname

  95.  #96lilybelly on June 14, 2012 at 4:15 pm


    I too, feel sad that you felt so judged about this. The experiences that were shared here and the thoughts surrounding this come from a place of concern and also knowing.. A deep knowing, that in most cases, having a relationship with someone we know to be unavailable, is like asking someone to go ahead and shoot us. No good can come to us from it.

    At least that is my opinion on that. Certainly no judgement from me…

    Now get that toothbrush out of your holder and clean the toilet. 😉

  96.  #97Rebecca on June 14, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Lizka ~ please feel free to ignore this advice but I think you should do your upmost to ignore this man. If he is serious about leaving hia wife for you then let him prove it.

    He might seriously want to leave his wife but you need to ask yourself he must have been unhappy for a long time before you came along. Why has he not left her yet? That is what I would be asking.

    Is it that he doesn’t want to leave her unless he has someone else to be with? Has she had enough of him? Has she grown cold towards him? Does he want some attention?

    Ask him these questions and I’m sure he will skirm. You might be his saviour… But do you want to be that? What is he giving to you?

  97.  #98Lizka on June 14, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Omg sirens I think there was a terrible misunderstood and my story was exaggerated x10 !!

    He is not leaving his wife FOR ME! And we’re not sleeping together, we haven’t even had one physical contact, not even a hug.

    We just texted each other for 4 days in a row some almost innocent things like “you’re hot” and things we want in life.

    He’s just really nice with me, and he agreed that sleeping together would be a bad thing.

    All we did is saying that if ever he does leave her, it would be nice to go on a date together.

    He just gave me some nice attention and I received it.

    I know it’s not NOTHING, but I think it’s way less worst than you think.

    We just like each other and think “we should have meet each other in another life because there is definitely a chemistry”.

    I feel terribly defensive.

    And OMG NO! He is not going to leave his wife for me. That was already in his plan.

    But whatever hey?

  98.  #99Starla on June 14, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    i am going to hang out with India tonight. Just friends. We dated a bit last year and then I let it fizzle out. I don’t want to date him because he drinks a lot, has a 10 year old son, and is in his 40’s, etc. But I feel excited to spend some quality conversation time with him and stuff myself silly with beer and food. I deserve it:) And anyway, this one is on ME:)

    It feels good to get clear with myself on who I do and do not want to get romantically involved with.

  99.  #100Starla on June 14, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    woah i just googled for CF. didn’t get very far and knocking that off… oopsies.

  100.  #101Starla on June 14, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    i don’t blame myself for craving insight, and i forgive myself 100000%

  101.  #102Radiant Rising on June 14, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Hi Lizka. 🙂

    You know when the whole thing was happening with me I told little none about it. I even found the blog but shared nothing. It was a terribly lonely time. When I found the blog it was to get over him and let go. Suddenly two and a half months later he came back and things picked up again full force. I was very confused.

    Like I said it’s a day to day thing. No one thinks this will happen to them necessarily. I used to be the most gung ho about neve getting involved with a married man, and this and that, and here suddenly I couldn’t walk away from one. I couldn’t ask for advice, I couldn’t talk out or process my feelings…it was just a very tough situation. And everyone from the outside make it so cut and dry, think about his wife (a second never went by where I didn’t), how would you like it if this happened to you, he will do the same to you if you get him…but I wasn’t trying to GET anyone or DO anything TO anyone. I was trying to reconcile these feelings, and not everything fits this perfect picture that we are always fed through the media and movies that if he’s a married man he must be such and such a way. Life doesn’t always work that way! His wife had what she wanted, his name, his house, his ring…she gave him an ultimatum to marry her after knowing he had been unfaithful to her during their courtship, she lived him during this entire time and even she was unfaithful too…so it’s not that cut and dry. We decided to stay away from one another over and over, and yet we kept finding ourselves not staying completely away. In the end all I know is this, I wished I hadn’t gotten involved, but I did. And he did not treat me the way he should have. Okay, lesson learned. But all I hope for you is you have a way to channel this every single day because it is a day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute process and you will so need that listening ear for a little while until this totally wears off. (((HUGS)))

  102.  #103Love Actually on June 14, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    i haven’t written in a while and have been reading and actually keeping up, but in my head a lot and trying to sort out things for myself and how i feel. i still often feel afraid of posting and have realized through this process that deeply inside me i feel invisible and like i don’t matter (wow!) and have felt this throughout my life at different times. sometimes i just want to hide instead of taking the risk of feeling rejected or invisible.

    i really enjoyed reading about the neediness on the last post – i was so confused by my feelings of neediness in my relationship with SR and not in other relationships in my life and you lovely sirens have helped me so much to see that this makes sense and how this man is such a teacher for me…somehow he can just stand right on my trigger buttons.

    I also felt so much relief reading about how others struggle with sensitivity (that is so me) and having the ability to see things from others perspective (not always, but more often i lean towards compassion for them and not myself) and how this has been tangling me up especially with SR.

  103.  #104Love Actually on June 14, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    I broke up with SR a few weeks ago and have run a full range of feelings about it. I feel somewhat strong in my boundaries. I am not circular dating and was very invested in this man and am still not circular dating, although i am with myself a little more and have tried the 5 second thing and to smile – holy cow is that every interesting to see what that brings up in me at different times, from feeling slimed to feeling so happy and uplifted and connected to myself and someone else, even if just for a moment.

    i just had an interaction with SR on the phone. He got mad at me (didn’t call me names or anything but assumed that my tone of voice meant that i was mad at him and it didn’t at all and then he just got all spazzy). He ended the call and i wrote out what i was feeling the way i see some of you doing on here and I thought i’d post it – feels scary to me so might be good. he did call me back and i used feeling messages and then he got mad that he always has to think of what other people feel and that he just has to ‘take it on the chin’. i empathized a little bit and said that i didn’t want to be told what i was feeling and that i was trying to tell him how i felt when he heard my tone of voice, which was mostly disappointment and nervousness and he said ‘well, i won’t come then’ (this ridiculous situation is all over him wanting to drop off a chocolate bar to me) i said ok. then he went back to he would and then we decided on tomorrow as tonight didn’t feel good to me.

    i feel so sad, a tightness in my chest.

    i feel unheard

    i feel embarassed

    i feel sad not seeing you

    i felt disappointed when you said you couldn’t stop even though i didnt have time either and i didn’t expect that you would be stopping

    i feel confused

    i think that you have to rush off to all the other more important things in your life and my nasty voices tell me that i am not important

    i feel so so sad, a pressure in my cheeks and jaw

    i feel tears and burning in my eyes

    i feel angry

    i don’t want to be spazzed on

    i felt warm and happy to hear your voice and

    i felt calm and held when you offered to get me something from the butcher

    i felt excited and nervous when you offered to drop off the chocolate bar

    i felt scared when you got so mad so fast

    i don’t want to be told what i am thinking or feeling

    i want to be able to feel what i feel without worrying about stepping on landmines

    i don’t want to feel scared with you

    i want to feel comfortable and happy and free to express myself and be heard

    i feel shutdown

    i feel hopeless

    i feel sooooooooo sad

    i feel scared to talk to you again

    i feel really angry

    ohhhhhh i feel so angry

    i don’t want to be yelled at

    i want acknowledgement that tone of voice can carry many many things and you can’t fucking read my mind

    i want acknowledgement that tone of voice and yelling and telling me i am thinking and feeling a certain way and that i am wrong and that you were trying to be kind and i’m wrong and bad is NOT OK WITH ME

    i feel confused how things can change so fast and with so much anger

    i wish you thought highly enough of yourself to know that the tone of my voice was disappointment because i miss you and nervousness because i’m trying to feel out being friends with you and i don’t know what that will look like or feel like and i’m afraid my feelings are too strong for you and that i will hurt to just be friends and then to take care of myself i won’t be able to be just friends.

    i feel afraid of making wrong decisions for myself that will end up with me hurting myself again

    i feel so sad – i feel a lot of love for you and it hurts when i feel scared of you

  104.  #105Love Actually on June 14, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    darn, i just tried to post a bunch of feeling messages and it went into moderation

    i feel surprised.

    i wonder what it was?

  105.  #106LoveAlways on June 14, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    Wow, I feel empowered and sad and thankful reading this article! Thanks for sharing!

  106.  #107LoveAlways on June 14, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    A REPOST – just because I feel love

    I am in love with love . . . doesn’t matter from where it comes, I’m just in love with love, and this is how it’s going be because loving love is loving me.

    I am the common denominator

    I am the constant and continuous piece of the puzzle

    I am always there for me

    I am always strong and safe for me

    Whatever I do, no matter who is there, it is romantic and I deserve it because I love me (if he wants to join in, he’s welcomed)

    It’s this way today and forward more

    I’m in love with love,

    I’m in love with me


  107.  #108LoveAlways on June 14, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    I’m going to practice physically leaning back (with everyone!) for the rest of this week. I feel curious about what I will experience this time . . .

  108.  #109Lizka on June 14, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Thank you Radiant and thank you CurvySiren for ” I, for one, prefer to lend support rather than judgement”. That made my heart feel all soft.

    Thank you other sirens who are worrying for me. Even if you judge me somewhere in your mind, unconsciously or not.

  109.  #110LoveAlways on June 14, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    I watching all of these very healthy bodies play basketball

  110.  #111LoveAlways on June 14, 2012 at 6:26 pm


    I’ve been reading your posts and have not judged you one bit because I know you are a strong siren (stronger than you may realize sometimes); and I know that you are sharing and processing and this was a different you needed to put out in print to go through it and grow even more.

  111.  #112ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Awww…Mr. Observant called me tonight. He said how nice it is to hear my voice. I told him it is nice to hear his voice too. He wants to see me, so we were trying to figure out a time. The weekend is busy, but maybe tomorrow night will work out. I hope so. I’m really looking forward to seeing him. 🙂

  112.  #113Lizka on June 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Thank you LoveAlways. Thank you for understanding 🙂

  113.  #114Femininewoman on June 14, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    LoveActually it feels great to see you.

  114.  #115ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    @103 Love Actually

    I can relate to all of what you’ve written. You are not alone in that.


  115.  #116ReceivingGirl on June 14, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Lizka – I hope you know the comments I made were not based on judgments. I write replies to help you figure things out. I may have perspectives that haven’t crossed your mind. That is why I post on this blog, to get other perspectives, and usually I do see there are different ways of viewing a situation, which is helpful. I enjoy hearing others view points and having ideas and suggestions to contemplate in my decision making. It doesn’t mean we have to agree with any of them. I hope you feel safe here. Have a nice golf outing!

  116.  #117Esteemed on June 14, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Emerson, Curvy Siren, Mel, and anyone else I may have missed,

    Thanks for your feedback! It went right along with what my friend, Cris and my brother told me today!

    I have run the full gamut today over my job situation. Cris encouraged me to follow my heart. I was pushing for moving up there and keeping this place until end of October and then deciding. But the more I thought about it, the more I realize I am in love with this house and love living by the water. and even if it isn’t practical, it is what the little girl in me loves and it is a good setup, and it is worth it to work out.

    I found out today it is not a permanent move to north of Lancaster. That remains to be seen. I got great advice from my brother:

    My thoughts on Lancaster Living…

    Here is the THE question… are you OK with losing your job over an
    additional 40 minutes of driving per day? It is OK to say yes, but that is
    the question.

    My reasoning…
    You have no track record, no leverage, a job market with qualified people 10
    minutes from their company.

    Where to go with this…
    Take the job, get stabilized, then make decisions while you are on your feet
    instead of in a free fall (or an expensive fall depending upon how you think
    about it).

    For instance, I took my current job with a 2 hr per day commute, then once I
    had a track record, got them to allow me to work from home 2 days per week
    (your mileage may vary 🙂

    What I would do… Smiley voice on the phone, I’ve thought about this and
    decided this job is worth the little extra drive! Oh, if you could throw in
    that extra $5 an hour, we would be golden! Thanks for working with me on

    I thot this was great advice, and I went with it! Eli at the employment agency said the contract has already been signed. I asked if I could at least get fuel compensation for the extra miles or if I could be kept in a hotel as long as we are at the more northern town. He said he will get back to me.

    I felt good about it after talking to Cris, and I felt even better about it after talking to my brother again just now! He worked in Massachusetts for 7 years while the company kept him in a hotel. He said every time the budget got tight, his supervisor was quick to remind him that he was his most expensive employee. I said I felt good about how I handled it tonight, I said the only thing I regret is that I didn’t ask for the room from the beginning, when it was being offered to me.

    He said no, I don’t see it that way. I think you made the right decision from the beginning and in the long term, it is going to pay off for you. They will see you doing a good job and maybe when the project winds down, the long distance tech writers will be sent home but maybe I will be seen as valuable and will be kept permanently! Who knows! But he said I have longer term job security by not costing the company as much! So he said just enjoy what you got and know that you handled it well then and now!

    That felt really good, especially coming from my brother!

    I could even still get a cheap apartment up there. I figger I’ll be spending $500 a month in gas alone, PLUS the wear and tear, PLUS 3 hours a day of time lost. So if I got a place for $500 a month or under which is doable in Lancaster, it would pay for itself. But I don’t have to make that decision this week. So there ya got it.

    In the meantime, I feel 100% more peaceful about it!

    I stayed awake far better today, and it is because I am getting used to sleeping thru the night again, so I was more rested. I am exhausted now of course, and my ankles are swollen, so I am typing while stretched out on the recliner.

    I started to do actual work at my job on Wednesday,and it feels miuch better to be productive and be getting into my groove. It feels good to be working around people, and I don’t feel as lonely.

    I feel happier when I’m working, and I like to have a routine and be around people. I really like the people I work with, about 16 or twenty of us. I just feel so blessed.

  117.  #118Esteemed on June 14, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Remember Yorkie from last June? We have been texting a lot, sometimes every day. He put me off for a date we had set Monday. I feel a gap in communication with him most of the time, and I feel off balance.

    Yesterday I was feeling comfortable with him and knowing he is successful in finance, I asked if I could ask his advice for my job situation. He said sure. I texted asking if I could call. He said wait until I get home. He didn’t contact me again until late this morning, saying, “Any time you are ready.” I said the employment agency is calling me at 5 today. Is there sometime before then I could talk with you a few minutes? Nothing.

    And this is the way he is with dating. He will say yes and then his actions will say no, and that has been his cycle several times. I don’t like it. He seems very self centered. I am on the verge of writing him off. He also lied when twice now at two different junctures, he has said I thot you found someone else. I thot you weren’t interested.

    This is not the case at all. I have waited for him to contact me and he never did. He said, “What? I invited your TWICE and you never came!” Not true at all. He seems to want me to do most of the work. Maybe with his riches, he is in the habit of women throwing themselves at him! He never gave me two invitations. You know if he did, I would have gone. Just feeling my way.

    CO has fizzled out again without meeting me. Things were warming up again and then on Memorial Day weekend, he emailed about coming up. Cris and her kids were here for the weekend, so I said sorry politely and with a friendly humor. He disappeared again.

    About a week later, I wrote, “So am I to understand that you are divorcing me again just because I had holiday plans?” No answer. I don’t know what his problem is, but I just see it as way too sensitive and taking everything personally that isn’t personal.

  118.  #119Esteemed on June 14, 2012 at 7:19 pm


    7 – Thanks for sharing your radio interview! You sounded very professional, and I enjoyed your beautiful English accent!

  119.  #120Esteemed on June 14, 2012 at 7:23 pm


    106 – Oh I love your poem!!!! I love it! It’s right where I’m at in my processing! You are brilliant!

    All you siren ladies are brilliant! I feel so enriched being here!

  120.  #121Love Actually on June 14, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    114: Femininewoman

    I feel acknowledged and seen. AND…

    I feel weepy reading this…I notice that I automatically assume that you must mean LoveAlways and not Love Actually…I feel nervous that you do and yet still wanting to know…

    I feel so happy I can say this here and I feel scared and doing it anyways…

    I have enjoyed your posts very much.

    115: ReceivingGirl

    Thank you! I feel safer in the shared experience.
    I am glad you are working on setting up a time to see Mr. Observant, imagining that seeing him (as you mentioned and I can relate to especially with my son – there is nothing like being in physical proximity to get a sense of how someone is) will bring you relief as well as excitement.

  121.  #122LobbyStar on June 14, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    Ever since Cy and I got back from our white water rafting trip, things have been “off” with us. Like it feels like he’s avoiding me at work, ignoring me, uncomfortable around me. So many times I regretted not saying anything about it, but today at work, I said,

    “I feel weird and awkward around you since our trip, and I don’t want to feel that way with you. What do you think?”

    He immediately softened and said, “It’s me. I’ve been dealing with my own b*llsh!t. I apologize if I’ve made you feel that way.” Then he suggested we get together soon for a bike ride. (Yay!)

    I leaned back, and he sought me out later in the day to tell me an amusing anecdote. (It wasn’t all that amusing, but I thought it was cute that he wanted to share.)

    Things feel normal again.

  122.  #123Love Actually on June 14, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    107: LoveAlways

    I feel inspired and open to the possibilities of love in the whole universe reading this…
    it makes me think about the peonies that smell so sweet that i have in my garden right now…
    and the way the early morning smells in the summer, like the best candy EVER…

    i feel so in love with things like this and i feel so surprised and sad that this particular relationship with SR has so derailed me from all the things that i love…

    its like i wanted so BADLY for him to experience all of these things too and he is one hurting man and that was a BIG part of the hook for me…hmmm

    its like i tell myself he has this most amazing heart and spirit and yet he is so angry so much and that makes me sad…first i was sad for him….now i’m sad for me too.

    so hard to hold compassion for him and me at the same time…especially if it means i can’t see him because it would NOT be compassionate to me…

    i feel ugggg

    i feel tenderness too…

  123.  #124Love Actually on June 14, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    i feel kind of icky that i felt sad for him…
    is that kind of judging him?
    that feels bad.

  124.  #125Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    Hi Lobbystar!

    Esteemed, I really like what your brother had to say, and I’m so happy for you and your job.

    It’s the same way for me…I do soo much better with a normal routine and a paycheck and people around me! Good Lord! I was going crazy a few years back when I was home collecting EDD. Gah!!!

    I’m soo happy for you that it worked out. I’m dealing with a long commute myself, soo…I totally hear you girl. But we can do this!!! Yay siren power career women but still soft and feminine and kicking butt…wow you just inspired me thank you!!!!

    Lizka I was so not judging you, I hope you don’t think so. In fact, as I shared with you, I got involved with a married man, not knowing because he lied, but then I found out the truth and I DIDN’T STOP SEEING HIM RIGHT AWAY…because of the same reasons…it felt so good to have the daily gushing attention from him and I was sad about my ToxicEx!!!!!!

    It was my band aid and it “helped” me for a minute…but then hurt again when I had to cut him loose. We were actually off and on so many times, and he’d suck me back in… and he ended up leaving his wife eventually…but….after he left her he poofed…….I thought he would be with me. But nope.

    I don’t judge you at all…I can just see the writing on the wall and I don’t want to sugar coat it for you…I want you to avoid a bad situation because that is what it is all the way around…just my opinion from experience!!!!!

    xoxo love to you Lizka and have fun on your golf game..

  125.  #126Love Actually on June 14, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    i just realized why my feeling message post went into moderation – oops! i was feeling so mad i forgot to ‘fix’ up my swear word. crap!

  126.  #127Love Actually on June 14, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    i feel kind of embarrassed and giggly…i just realized that i have actually asked people if it was ok with them if i swear. this is when i am mad…i censor myself so well…

    i’m not sure i want to ask permission always…i just want to be mad when i feel mad…

    if a man talks about how he feels, is that him being in feminine energy?

  127.  #128Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    LoveAlways – to answer your question from last thread: I do have multiple CDs. The number goes up and down. But I am in no way “hooked” to one man.

    MM is actually someone who rarely contacts me. And I never “freak out” about that, or lean forward, ever. But he always pops up again, for reasons I don’t know…

    It’s possible that CDing is dangerous for me, because it seems I may be able to get “hooked” to multiple guys. Hm…I want to ponder this some more.

    I may need to adjust my “strategy” a little bit. But trust me, the fact that I was “freaking out” on the blog was only to give my energy an outlet so that I wouldn’t continue to feel “freaked out” in my mind, and to prevent me from doing or saying something stupid. It worked. I feel so much more calm. And as usual, I was freaking out about pretty much nothing, I’m sure. It just felt good to share it.

    I appreciate your concern, but the Universe is taking care of me. It’s already okay. : )

  128.  #129Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    This is a really interesting article (Rori’s post). But I wish that somewhere there was a description or at least a definition of what “hair analysis” is and how and why it relates to relationships. I don’t get it at all. And I wish that there was more than just a link. It sounds interesting, and I feel curious. But I want to know more before I follow the link. I don’t like vague references. Lol

  129.  #130Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Mel – 62: Oh, good! That feels better to hear. I’m glad you are happy with the arrangement, and it sounds like you guys have talked about it. I think I actually remember you posting about when you were furniture shopping with him, way back. Lol. Maybe he was already thinking about having you move in then ; ) Who knows? But just as long as you actually want to get rid of your stuff – not because his is “better” or that yours is less important. And I’m pretty sure this is about my own triggers coming up for me. ; ) Yay, triggers!

  130.  #131Sunshine on June 14, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I feel angry….went out to grab a drink with my roomate and she once again is constantly complaining about life, how life sucks, nothing is fair, her life is horrible and cant catch a break (she just got two job offers, and an amazing living situation cheap and quiet nice roomates like myself). I do not want to feel like a dumpster!! all her negativity dumped on me…I give her advice, etc, but she doesnt like or want it she just wants to complain…I do not want to spend anymore time with her but how do I do this? I am having such a difficult time with feelng messages and boundaries lately and Im frustrated because I feel so intimidated at that moment:(

  131.  #132Sunshine on June 14, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    part of me wants to avoid her and just keep telling her I cant make it but I know I would be being passive aggressive…I know thats not the right way to practice boundaries but its tempting

  132.  #133Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    Okay. Whew! I realized, while I was freaking out about my thing with MM, that it was really something else that was bothering me.

    So just now, I’ve been busy scripting out what I think I’d like to say to him. (we moved our dinner date up to this weekend.)

    I feel scared to share it here, because it might get criticized, and I feel nervous about that, because this is really personal to me. What I wrote feels authentic, and right now, I am just psyching myself up to feel brave enough to actually say it. Mostly I feel worried that I’ll “chicken out” and not do it. And then I might feel bad. But even if I do, I’ll still love myself.

    This script is just a skeleton, to outline my ideas of how I feel. I plan to be open, and honest, and present in the moment, so that I can feel how I really feel, and say what I really mean (which may or may not be exactly this). But here goes:

    Hey, MM – This might sound weird, and I feel a little nervous to talk about it. But I feel a little conflicted about something.

    Him: About what?

    Me: It’s about sex. On the one hand, I love having sex with you. It feels so sexy and fun and exciting. It is literally the best sex I’ve ever had. Everything you do is perfect, and it always feels so good. I love it.

    On the other hand, I don’t want to continue just having random sex. I want a real relationship with someone, and I know that every time I have sex with someone, it can make me feel a little attached to them, even if I’m not in a relationship and don’t want to be attached. And I don’t want to make things complicated or make any demands from you. I just know that I want someone who actually cares about me, and isn’t just sleeping with me because I’m sexy or pretty.

    And I like spending time with you, too. I respect you, and it seems to me that you are more than just a pretty face. I appreciate you, and I don’t want to feel hurt or disappointed, or less than satisfied.

    What do you think?

    And he says….

    ~ the end ~

    [I have a special request here. Not telling you what to do, but since I am feeling so raw and open and vulnerable just sharing this, I would appreciate not having any “tweaks” made to this script, just at the moment. You can make them, but I probably won’t read them. Support and encouragement would be most helpful to me, if you are feeling it. But I don’t want to feel criticized. I’m really nervous about all of this, and scared to say what feels true to me. This might be the first time, if I do it, and I want to feel strong, not “wrong.” I’m also a writer, and I’ll be sure to be tweaking this myself all weekend. ; ) But I want to put this out there, as an intention. And because I believe that by sharing this in community, I’ll be giving myself more incentive to stick with my intention. Please wish me strength to do this!! ]

  133.  #134pamelala on June 14, 2012 at 9:23 pm


    Just want to let you now that I stand with you in support and encouragement. It is a beautiful thing when a woman honors the desires of her heart.

    Praying you find peace and the perfect words.


  134.  #135Emerson on June 14, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Sunshine, maybe having some distance between you and the complainer IS having a boundary…you can limit your time with her and figure out what you want to say as a feeling message when it does not feel so intense and overwhelming.

    I seem to need this distance to clear my head with people.

    I’ve also noticed I’m very negative and a raging bitc# when I am PMSing…so maybe your friend is that way too and she will snap out of it??? I dunno…

    I have been struggling with really bad PMS my whole life. Speaking of drugs, I am tempted to take some kind of prescription for it! But I don’t know what to do.

    I tend to burn bridges and just generally feel emotionally out of control and like a raging hag!!!

    For example, I sent a text to Recycled ending our friendship and saying I need to have reliable people in my life and this is not a friendship, etc….and now I’m like OMG it’s kind of funny…but…not. Oopsies. Well maybe it was meant to be. i have not heard back from him.

    I was honestly kind of mad because I needed his help and contacted him the other day and he NEVER REPLIED. I hate that! It’s so freakin damn rude. Especially when he has offered “oh if you ever need help just let me know blah blah blah” well he is full of $#it!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I’m tired of it.

  135.  #136Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    LOL. I just cracked myself up.

    when I was saving my “script” for MM, I put it in my folder of “random guys.” And I noticed that I have a list of about 10 guys that I’ve been out with in the last year – all CDs on some level – and all 10 of them are Indian names. And that’s not even a comprehensive list. Lol.

    I’m hilarious!!!!

    But seriously, I like this Dr. Seuss quote, that’s been going around on FB:

    “We’re all a little weird. And life’s a little weird. And when we find someone who’s weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them in mutual weirdness and call it LOVE.”

    Okay, so it’s not a complete definition of love. But I like the idea of “compatible weirdness.” My heart and soul longs for its own personal, perfect weirdness partner. Someone to have fun with and feel comfortable, and remind me every day that I’m not alone. Someone who holds me when I’m not even there. Someone who knows how weird I am, and loves me DEEPLY for it. THAT would feel ultimately so satisfying. That is exactly the kind of love I am holding out for. I love normal. I want to be normal. But there is no normal. Just please give me my absolute and perfect, wonderful weird guy.

    Thank you!! 🙂

  136.  #137Starla on June 14, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    🙂 I went out with India and it was mucho fun. We were even at a german restaurant using a groupon I originally purchased to use with CF, because he is obsessed with german and german stuff. And it was oddly not triggering. I only thought of him a couple of times.

    I just had a fabulous time with my friend and enjoyed the food and the beer and the experience very very very very much.


    I am healing!!

  137.  #138Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    Thank you, Pam!

    Emerson, I SOOOO know what you mean about the PMS. Yes, even the burning bridges part! Sometimes, it almost feels as if my brain/mind/emotions are “cleaning house.” Like suddenly, I want to get rid of friends that don’t feel like “friends” to me – anyone who doesn’t seem to be serving my life in a positive way. And it is sooo hard to resist the urge to communicate what I’m feeling. Sometimes it’s impossible, because the feeling is so strong, and it just feels “right” to say it, like, OMG, why didn’t I see this before?? Or it may be something I’ve *wanted* to say, and suddenly the hormones make it see “necessary.” Only it’s the PMS talking….

    I had a good convo on here with some ladies about this. I remember I think it was Gingersky who was very knowledgeable about this.

    One thing I’ve done is when I notice PMS symptoms, I start taking Evening Primrose Oil (EPO). I get big capsules for pretty cheap at Trader Joe’s, and I just take them when I am PMS-ing, and then stop after I get my period (if you take them all the time, your body can build up a tolerance, and then they don’t help anymore) : ( But I find that when I feel that “off” feeling, and remember to take the EPO, I feel better the same day. So then I keep taking it. And I might still feel more sensitive to sound and vibration and that kind of thing. People might bug me. But I have less of an urge to cut people out of my life. Lol. Yeah, it that not-funny way…haha.

    And it’s cheaper and quicker (and safer) than taking a prescription medication…though I know the feeling of wanting to. PMS sucks!


  138.  #139Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    @Starla, is India by any chance Indian? ; )

  139.  #140Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    I’ve been out with India. Practically all of India by this point. ; ) Lol


    (Actually, K2 once joked that if I ever went to India, then all of the men would be falling in love with me. I think he was subtly falling in love with me at that point. Too bad it didn’t last. *sigh* He was a good man. Just not ready for a relationship…..)

    if he was Indian, then I’m sure it was a lot of fun. Indian guys are fun to date! : )

  140.  #141Sunshine on June 14, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Emerson, glad you did express yourself with your friend he obviously wasnt that friend you needed at the end of the day…
    sigh well shes not and shes this way 24/7 full of anger and frustration and nothing no one or any change I feel will help she will somehow find a problem no matter what…
    if she was a regular friend I would ignore her but I feel so frustrated because i dont want any tension with people I live with its the worst! anyway I will continue to be nice to her but Im gonna say that I feel frustrated because she wont take my suggestions, and therefore I do not want to hear the venting…Ill see how it goes….

  141.  #142Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    Starla, that’s also really great to hear about your healing and non-triggering. Yay!

    Emerson – the other thing I do, is make sure that I eat lots of red meat around that time. It feels good to replenish the body’s iron and magnesium. Helps to rebalance from the hormone fluctuations.

    (If you’re vegetarian, then lots of dark leafy greens, etc. But red meat is the best way. That’s why steak dinners are so sexy on a first date ; ) And also the reason I think men make better vegetarians than women. We need the iron and protein much more…)

  142.  #143Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    Yesterday, I got some Argentum Nitricum. It’s not for PMS. It’s for “apprehension.” Specifically, it said “stage fright.” I think I got it because I was feeling apprehensive, generally. But maybe the feeling is kind of like stage fright. Being scared of saying “my lines” on my date. Rehearsing and practicing, and finally – gulp! – the “performance!”

    Only it’s not a neat little thing. You don’t even know when the curtain comes up and the lights come on. It’s always that way. You’re always on stage.

    It seems subtle, but I do feel a slight shift, taking the suppliements. If nothing else, it feels good to feel like I am supporting myself in feeling better and more relaxed…

  143.  #144Starla on June 14, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Yes, Indian by way of Trinidad and Tobago.

  144.  #145Starla on June 14, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    feeling exhausted. good night, sirens:)

  145.  #146Tereana on June 14, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    Okay, here’s a little allegory for you:

    I recently ran out of cat food. Like really ran out. I felt so bad. I was feeding my kitty people food last night, because I’ve been running around so much, and kept forgetting to get more food for her. Plus, she has a sensitive tummy, and needs special food. (believe me, this is not a common occurrence. I don’t keep a lot of food around, but I always have some for her…)

    So finally, today, I got some at the vet on my way to work. When I got home – tadaa! There was actually a whole can of cat food, just sitting there in the cabinet. Sheesh! I had even looked there, and I HADN’T SEEN IT.

    My point is: I am way more prepared than I even think I am. I’ve often thought ahead to give myself the things I need, and then “freaked out” thinking I didn’t have what I needed. Only later to realize that I had it all along.

    My mom always used to forget stuff. She would lose things. It seemed like she was always looking for something she had lost. And more often than not, she would joke about how she had put it somewhere “safe” – only it was so safe that she couldn’t find it.

    I think it’s that way for me with love. I am totally prepared and have all the love I need. I’ve got massive stashes of love *somewhere* in my body/mind/brain. I’ve just hidden it so well, it’s hidden from *myself* and/or it’s so obvious and I’m looking right at it, but I can’t even see it, because I don’t believe it’s there (like my kitty’s can of cat food.)

    Of course – it took going out and getting the right kind of cat food to realize that I had some on hand. And I still needed to get that other cat food. It just wasn’t as dire a situation as I had perceived….

    So. I am taking all the lesson out of this that I need. I know exactly what this means for me. And I’m sharing it, because maybe it will have some kind of meaning for you, too…in case it resonates with you in some way that makes sense.

    Happy Friday!!

  146.  #147Daria on June 14, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    i realized how much my ‘mean voice’ is talkin to me, and all those things its tellin me about ppl judgin me (i dont need to know them anymore, i don’t have to control other’s judgements)

    yay i can heal this i intend to heal this

    yum thank you mean voice u r so cool and i appreciate your awareness and sensitivity and compassion

  147.  #148Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    Random early morning text..

    “Ey, Do you reckon we should just go our seperate ways?”

    🙁 🙁 🙁

    I thought he wasnt gonna walk 🙁 🙁 🙁

  148.  #149Slippin' Goddess on June 14, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Hes been lookin through some pics ‘apparently’ of when I travelled last year and he thinks I must have cheated as there are men on the photos we are posing with.. Im talking a year ago and NOTHIN happened..

    so upset.. why this?

  149.  #150Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 12:10 am

    Really going on.. “hes got his arm on your hip and hes posin like you’re his …I feel like a mug, I feel sick, you’re just telling me what i want to hear…..”

    Where’s all this jealousy come from?

  150.  #151Emerson on June 15, 2012 at 12:22 am

    Thank you ladies for all your suggestions and support around my PMS!! I do think I will try your ideas!!! Thank you.


  151.  #152Tam on June 15, 2012 at 12:38 am

    @132 Tereana – I like your script about not wanting to have casual sex. Let us know his reaction, if you manage to get it across like that.
    I really admire you for saying all this out loud (if you do:) ).
    I have only been able to convey the ‘no’ to the guy and explain myself later per email (much like your script actually). He said to me after trying, that he felt rejected and like I was dangling a carrot in front of him and he was never able to reach it – we had gone there before but was about a year ago.
    So after he said that I told him, that I liked him very much and it is not about rejection at all but about protecting myself and having boundaries, as I can’t do casual sex.
    Then I gave him the version of your script. After that he said ‘yeah, we want different things, well we can be fwb or just friends, whatever you like’.
    I was gutted but at least I knew? He will always be ambiguous though and I want strength to stick to my guns….pfff.
    I’d be really intrigued as to how it went Tereana….and I do think he will understand and respect it very much. Wish you all the best with it – do let us know 🙂

  152.  #153Tam on June 15, 2012 at 12:40 am

    @ Slippin Goddess, he is missing you, the space might have confused him, might have something to do with drugs? He seems to be going nuts over you….??? Don’t you see it?

  153.  #154Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 12:46 am

    Do you think so Tam? He’s really hurting me..
    I think things are going ok then I wake up at 7am on a Friday morning being accused of cheating abroad last year.. What the…?

    He’s talking to people in work as well about us, I knoew he was I could sense it. It’ll be so one sided. I learnt not to speak to friends and to come on here instead. He’s shown people pictures and they think blah blah..

    Argh.. Feel sick.. How do I handle this?

  154.  #155Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 12:48 am

    I did put.. Where’s this come from, there’s obviously something else, no love, ok..”

    and he replied something along the lines of “Well you say there’s no love, there obviously isn’t for you to just say ok is there?”


  155.  #156Tam on June 15, 2012 at 12:49 am

    …find out how you feel, tell him, and tell him what you want to make this relationship work?
    I don’t know, I am not an expert but maybe some other sirens can chip in…

  156.  #157Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 12:51 am

    I replied “it doesnt feel good being accused when I know how faithful I am, upsetting actually and makes me feel sick”

    His reply “Well do you feel sick because something happened, if your friends had romances what stopped you?”

    I just left it at “you”


  157.  #158Rebecca on June 15, 2012 at 1:08 am

    Slippin Goddess ~ I’m not sure but it sounds like from the content of his texts to you, that he is not respecting your request for space. What do you think?

  158.  #159Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 1:19 am

    Well the whole thing was he didn’t seem to have any quality time together anymore. Everything came before me.
    After bringing that nonsense up he wrote an fb update saying he’s “going on a mountain bike mission tomorrow to sort his head out”

    He’s been working every weekend and should be having his child this weekend.
    He prob thinks I’d say “Oh so you can have weekends off to spend with your friends”
    Do you think he’s caused all that so I cant say anything.. Not that I would have bothered..

    Or do you generally just think he’s going nuts, looking through my pics etc..

    Argh men..

  159.  #160Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 1:31 am

    Really upset again.. feel so down..
    Is he just looking for excuses to end it?
    Messing with my head..

  160.  #161Tam on June 15, 2012 at 1:43 am

    Ermmm Slippin Goddess….no. He would just end it. I find men are pretty straightforward when it comes to that. Most of them. Can you do somehing nice with yourself today rather than dwelling (says the queen of dwelling…. 🙁 )??

    Pfff..anger is back. I should not look at fb ever again. One of our common fb friends is going to visit Mr Unavailable in a couple of weeks. He asked if he could rent my flat in Florida, but I have a renter, so he asked Mr Unavailable to stay with him…and we used to be a group and do stuff together and have a lot of fun. And I can’t be there….I wish I hadn’t seen that. I have stayed in that annexe of Mr Unavailable’s before….oh man. I feel so powerless, sad, angry and overwhelmed. And left out. And forgotten about…

    Day 11 no contact.

  161.  #162Heart on June 15, 2012 at 2:02 am

    I woke up today feeling hopeless, angry and disappointed.
    It’s been 2 months since I’ve seen Manboy. 2 months!
    Why am I holding onto this?
    I feel hurt. I feel disappointed. I’m starting to realize that this ship will not crash on my island.
    Two guys asked me out this weekend. I didn’t do anything…I don’t feel like dating this weekend. I may need to take an FB break. I can’t run around in mental circles anymore. My heart is tight and hurting. I feel pathetic…

  162.  #163Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 2:21 am


    121 – Yay, I feel glad that things are back on track! I feel amazed at the power of feeling messages! Each post like this I hear is growth for us and yet another testimony to how on track Rori is with her tools!

  163.  #164Tam on June 15, 2012 at 2:29 am

    (((Heart))) I feel all that also – we’ll get through it.

  164.  #165Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 2:29 am


    124 = Thank you! Yes, my brother’s words reflected much of what you said. I decided it’s all how I look at it. This job is no joke – it’s the highest paying job I ever had! So I am not going to allow dissatisfaction creep in. It will work out, and yes, I am enjoying my more deeply instilled perspective of being boy energy on the job when it’s appropriate while being girl energy all over the place as it feels good.

    I was standing in my supervisor’s cubicle the other day and could sense him trying to NOT look at my chest, LOL. And believe me, what I sensed was welcome attention! I haven’t felt this attracted to a man in a long time! I really like what I see so far! 🙂 But I will keep it where it needs to be. If something develops after the job is done, so be it.

  165.  #166Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 2:38 am

    I feel so sick, like I’m on the waltzers spinning round and round in circles and my head feels dizzy and achey. Last night I respond to his texts nicely. We leave it on good terms. Wake up to all this. 🙁 ..It’s like I’m being tortured because I love him and won’t end it. I just want to feel happy, be happy.. What is going on at all? 🙁 🙁 It’s so demoralising thinking you are getting somewhere and then you’re back to square one.

    I really don’t want to lose him, I’m a catch, why would he want to lose me? I can’t understand it.

  166.  #167Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 2:43 am

    My eyes are sore, red and puffy.. and I’m not eating properley. Lost so much weight, just no appetite at all.
    I’m too sensitive to deal with all this stress. 🙁

  167.  #168Vi on June 15, 2012 at 3:13 am

    Before FMing about how good and warm I felt to be taken care of.. I felt fear, numbness, silly, stiff face, frowning forehead;
    While FMing: difficult to see in the eyes, urgency, wish to run, talk about smth else, wish to look away, stiff jaw; wish to tell how good the man is, rather than to tell how good I feel….
    After FMing: stiff in my body, esp. jaw and pelvis and crossed legs – beating up – forgiving, relaxing the legs… arm on my heart…
    EFT….((((((((((((((((((feelings)))))))))))))))))))) …justification of “bad” feelings….It will be okay… truly, absolutely, totally…. fear… I love my fear..

    I forgive myself for dividing feelings on good and bad; I forgive myself for having feelings; I forgive myself for feeling them; i forgive myself for feeling the feelings I’ve been told not to feel (angry, mad, too happy); i forgive myself for expressing my feelings; I forgive myself for trying different approach in the relationship than my mom; I forgive myself that her husband/my father is gone and they had what they had….. I forgive myself for thinking they could do better…. I feeling sad ..but this sad is not “bad” anymore.. ((((((((((((((((((((((me))))))))))))))))))))

  168.  #169Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 3:44 am

    ((((((((( Vi )))))))))

    If only I could express feelings like you.. 🙂

  169.  #170Rebecca on June 15, 2012 at 4:04 am

    Heart ~ I would say to go on the two dates being offered you. Use it as practise even if you just want friendship out of it. At the least it will help you take your mind off Manboy…

  170.  #171Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 4:08 am

    Spoke to his mum. She’s the only person I do speak to about it as she isn’t biased. She knows everything what goes on.
    She basically says same as what you sirens do. she says I’m acting different this time, I’m giving him space and not trying to sort things out like I normally would and he’s confused by it. She said he’s not saying he wants to end it he just wants a reaction and speaking to people at work is doing him no good. Plus he’s obviously kicked off this morning because he’s taking time out of work and having his child to go do something with his friends this weekend and he probably feels bad because this is really all I’ve been asking him to do with me.

    He’s off the drugs and eating healthy though apparently. She says things seem to be going well on that front. She also thinks he’s stressed as the holiday is looming and he has put LOTS of weight on. In her words “Not to be nasty, but If I was sat on the beach and saw you two walking along I’d wonder what is she doing with him.”
    Also it’s nearly fathers day and he doesn’t get to see one of his kids, which although he doesn’t talk about, will be stressing him out I’m sure.
    Plus I recently got a new job where I’ll be earning more than him.

    All these issues built up to cause conflict maybe?

    Anyway, enough focus on him.. I’m going to get ready, off for some retail therapy and then meeting a friend later for food and drinks. 🙂

  171.  #172Tam on June 15, 2012 at 4:11 am

    Manboys – what an excellent name. I should name mine that too. Manboy1 and Manboy2 etc.
    Wonder where Manman is hiding..does he exist?
    And the frightening thing is that even a man at 50 can be a manboy…. with women. Yikesy yikes. 🙁

  172.  #173Vi on June 15, 2012 at 4:26 am

    Thank you Slippin Goddess. I feel scared to know that someone likes smth about me..:)) and glad i can notice that…:) thank you for accompaning me in my healing..:)
    ((((((((((Slippin Goddess))))))))))
    It would feel good to know more of your feelings by the way ..:)
    I am feeling actually like a Sleeping Goddess now))) nighty night…:)

  173.  #174Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 4:32 am

    Slippiin Goddess he is missing you. Period. End of story. Stick to your boundary. You don’t want drug use in your life. Express your feelings. I would also not call his mum to check up on him. She will tell him. The space will raise your level of difficulty your allure and mystery. Don’t get sucked into his spiral downward. When he contacts you think relax, warm, soft. You have already inspired him to look at his life.

  174.  #175Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 4:36 am

    Tell him you know he is a good man and will sort everything out. His anger is coming out and he needs to know that you will facilitate his anger but you don’t want to feel attacked.

  175.  #176Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 4:40 am

    Try not to sUggest that he is a liar just let him know ouch that feels bad all you want is to be with him without the drugs

  176.  #177Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 4:46 am

    Esteemed don’t focus on him focus on your vibe that says I am available.

  177.  #178Rebecca on June 15, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Gosh my piney feelings for one night stand man are still not abating.. I have flashes when I forget about him. Then it is back. I keep thinking what I did wrong.

    There have been so much talk about “needy” people. It’s got me thinking. A friend was telling me about a guy texting her constantly after they had had a brief thing. She had found it slightly amusing in a sad and pathetic way. She used the word “needy”. It made me think? It touched a nerve? I felt self conscious about some of the things I have done. I have been desperately needy at times and I feel very embarrased about this. I am learning, so help me, to sit on my hands and try and ignore the urge to communicate every little detail of my life. At the time I always think it’s charming and I am “connecting”, but all I seem to be doing is pushing people away. It is so difficult…

  178.  #179Rebecca on June 15, 2012 at 4:54 am

    I feel unsure and confused where to go with the men in my life. Do I keep communicating or do I cut it off completely? Do I stay on the side of being diplomatic or do I blurt out how I feel..?

    Sorry, just rambling..

  179.  #180Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 4:54 am

    There are alot of issues at the moment.. I know you’re a good man an will sort everything out. I can feel your anger but I don’t want to feel attacked. I just want you without drugs or drama. It seems to me you’re on the right track.

    He responded..

    I haven’t a clue what that’s supposed to mean. Don’t undertand it. Break it down xxxx

    haha.. Ermmmm…

  180.  #181Starla on June 15, 2012 at 5:01 am

    Slippin goddess, yeah, he definitely is saying things like ‘hey should we go our separate ways?’ because he knows he’s earned a dumping.

    this is not very rori like, but i could totally see myself saying, “it would feel so much better if you’d talk about how you’re going to keep our relationship together like a man instead of acting like THIS because you know you’ve earned a dumping. I feel heartbroken enough without you handling this like a child afraid of rejection instead of my MAN”

    that would probably make things worse. So don’t say that. lol.

  181.  #182Starla on June 15, 2012 at 5:05 am

    slippin goddess 179

    LOL he knows what it means.

    i am really triggered right now because he is reminding me of a guy i dated who played dumb to avoid taking responsibility and would suggest a break up when he thought i might walk away because of his f*ck ups.

    sooooooo maybe i am just projecting my experiences onto yours.

  182.  #183Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 5:07 am

    “..that would probably make things worse. So don’t say that. lol.”

    Had to giggle Starla.. haha 🙂

  183.  #184Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 5:13 am

    He is a bit dumb though, so maybe he’s not playing haha xx

  184.  #185smile on June 15, 2012 at 5:14 am

    I am calling this year my year of growing lol!

    I am feeling proud of myself for being about to communicate my boundaries in a Rori way (work still needed though!) In the past my reply would have been completely full of attack and in my head.

    He said he really wants to see me.He might be free tonight if I am but he isn’t 100% sure he will be able to make it.

    To which I replied It will be nice to see you, it feels good to spend time with you. It would make me happier though to know that I am a definate plan.It doesn’t feel good to be waiting round for a maybe. Shall we do it another time when you dont have plans?

    To which he relpied yeh sure, it was just a thought because i wanted to see you.

    We have arranged another time but I got the feeling he just wanted to come round to mine. so i said…It was a nice thought and that maybe we could do something away from the house.

    He is now taking me out for a drink! Yey!

    Any advice for feeling message on take me out on a date rather than just come round…I’m not sure I scripted this one well as I didnt have much time to think it through…

  185.  #186Tam on June 15, 2012 at 5:17 am

    180 lol. Too right. Not sure what happened to speaking the truth, why has it become something to avoid like the plague?
    Ok, so it can drive the man away, but perhaps he is only driven away because he wasn’t ready or because it is just the truth and the truth hurts.
    I don’t know. Sometimes I want to speak the truth and want to blame and not use feeling messages. Sometimes the blame is there and I don’t want to skirt around it and sell it as a nice feeling message – and maybe it will not get the results I want but maybe the venting was for ME and not for HIM and if he is behaving like a complete idiot anyway, why should I care if it drives him further away? It may be a good thing. I don’t know. I feel like breaking no contact and venting, with the odd feeling message thrown in to make it more palatable – but I won’t. I will just keep ignoring him.
    Safer for now.

  186.  #187Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 5:21 am

    You ladies make me smile 🙂

    I feel like you’ve lived my relationship with me the last week.

    So you’re all allowed to take my lovely man off me should you so wish 😉

    (I’m sure you’d love to) ..natt

  187.  #188Pamelala on June 15, 2012 at 5:23 am

    For those of you that have been here a while? Did Nancy ever come back after she got married? Ever few months or so, I wonder how things are going for her after such a whirlwind romance.

    As for me, I’ve been doing well (for the most part) leaning back with KMan. Every once in a while I catch myself initiating a kiss or giving advice, but I’m getting better. I’ve also been better with FMs over text than face to face…I’ll get there.

    Yesterday, this guy (KMan) who is all masculine energy and take-charge confidence, called and said, “Hi, BabyDoll…I am calling you to make it official…you are my girl.”

    Me: “I am?”

    KMan: “Yes, I’m taking down my online profile because I only want to be with you…it just doesn’t make sense to be with anyone else. You’re everything I’m looking for.”

    Woah…I can’t believe in all my life – and I’m no spring chicken – no one has ever asked me to be their girlfriend…much less declared it so. I feel desired and seen and protected by this guy.

    He wants me to be his girlfriend…we’re going to need to discuss what that even means.

    My interpretation of ‘girlfriend’ means exclusive and long-term with the goal of developing a deeply trusting and emotionally intimate relationship and posessing an openness to a future marraige.

    I believe that this is his interpretation, too, because he’s mentioned that stuff before, but I’d feel most comfortable having it all on the table, to be sure. In the past, I’ve fallen into too many long-term relationships without defnining what that meant and then things fell apart when my expectations were different from his.

    So, I’m going to do it differently this time. I feel fearful, anxious, happy, tingly, warm and hopeful all at the same time.

    Leaning back, leaning back, leaning back, and feeling.

    I’m looking forward to seeing him this weekend.

  188.  #189Eva on June 15, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Wow, thank you Rori for publishing my article. And ladies, thank you for your comments. I hope my experience brings greater insight about self love, and commitment to personal integrity in health. It is such a beautiful gift to share with you all… Eva

  189.  #190Dominique on June 15, 2012 at 5:32 am

    Yay!!! Pamelala…


  190.  #191smile on June 15, 2012 at 5:38 am

    Pamelala, It’s nice to hear some success stories lol! This makes me feel hopeful!

  191.  #192Tam on June 15, 2012 at 5:40 am

    Congrats Pamelala, that sounds so lovely…

  192.  #193Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 5:57 am

    133: Tereana

    I feel really inspired by your courage and honesty.
    You go girl!

    Lots of love,

  193.  #194Pamelala on June 15, 2012 at 5:58 am

    :))))) Thanks, sirens! I don’t post here much, but I sure to spend a lot of time here learning from you all. I’m so grateful for all I’ve learned here over the years. <3

  194.  #195Heart on June 15, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Tam – lol@Manman!
    Rebecca – I’ve made plans with friends. One friend is a cute guy. I’m feeling to icky to date.
    anyway *hugs to both of u.

    I ate chocolate…took a hot bath and now I feel really relaxed and calmer.

  195.  #196Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 6:01 am

    Yay Pamelala

  196.  #197Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 6:02 am

    136: Tereana
    “We’re all a little weird. And life’s a little weird. And when we find someone who’s weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them in mutual weirdness and call it LOVE.”

    Oh, why can’t Dr. Suess be available to CD!!?? 🙂

    I feel this way myself – it’s like being seen for me…in my heart of hearts that’s all i really want.

    I don’t think i’m even really that weird, but i feel like i am especially when i am making myself vulnerable with new people.

    What I love most about my close friends is that they KNOW me and STILL love me. They love me because of me not in spite of me…feels sooooooo good.

  197.  #198Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Slippin Goddess try one sentence at a time. He is not dumb. He is a man their brain is wired such that they take time to process.

  198.  #199Rebecca on June 15, 2012 at 6:12 am

    I know it sounds stupid but I have real discipline problems in my life. I avoid “doing” everything.. Housework, admin, exercise, eating properly.. I am just a slob and I feel really, really frustated that I can’t change.

    I’m always watching programmes on people who change their lives and I’m thinking ‘why can’t I?’

  199.  #200Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 6:16 am

    167: Slippin’ Goddess

    Sending you lots of loving energy.
    I imagine this feels so scary for you.

    It may be possible that he is having his own ‘freak out’ about the possibility of losing you and trying to understand why…and all he can come up with is that maybe you were with someone else last year.

    I know that is ‘trying to figure him out’ and ‘being in his head’ which we are not supposed to do, but sometimes I find it comforting myself.

    I wish for you to have the strength to really really get connected to what you feel and to be able to share that with him and to know that you deserve to feel safe and secure and loved and cherished.


  200.  #201Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 6:16 am

    I’m struggling on how to word it.

    Theres been alot of issues affecting us lately but I can already see youve made some changes and you’re on the right track.

    Isnt he gonna feel a bit blamed for everything, because in his eyes there arent really issues. Drugs etc. he probably wnders what im going on about as he’s on about ME supposedly ‘cheating’ last year.

  201.  #202Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 6:19 am


    Thank you for your kind words. They feel soothing to read. Yes, it is scary, but bit by bit I feel that I’m getting somewhere and if we get through this I feel the relationship will have changed for the better.

    I truly hope so. 🙂

  202.  #203Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 6:23 am

    “There are alot of issues at the moment..” I would take this out or at best not start with this sentence because of the negative context. If replacing it “I just feel overwhelmed right now”.

    “I know you’re a good man an will sort everything out. I can feel your anger but I don’t want to feel attacked.” Maybe ask “are you angry” but not put these two sentences together, the first one might not register because of the second.

    “I just want you without drugs or drama. It seems to me you’re on the right track.” You want a great relationship not “him” it might be too much pressure.


    I know you’re a good man and will sort everything out.

    I am feeling overwhelmed right now and want to get back to feeling calm and relaxed.

    I dont want a relationship with drugs. What do you think?

    Leave a few minutes in between each sentence to see if he responds. This is what I have seen Rori recommend to others. Have tried it myself and got great results. Just make sure you are authentically sharing what you are actually feeling. I also believe you can ask him for an “appointment” where you can talk face to face seeing his energy is coming towards you. If he agrees then you could prepare and script and just let all your emotions hang out.

  203.  #204Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 6:26 am

    Take out the “you’s” to reduce the feeling of blame.

    He is projecting about the cheating but I would stand my ground about the drugs.

  204.  #205Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Rebecca how about thinking “I can do this” instead. “This is effortless”. Once you have worked on that internal dialogue it begins to show on the outside. Remember this not about only you, most of us as humans experience this.

  205.  #206smile on June 15, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Slippin’ goddess

    The tone of what you say should be about you and what you want from the realtionship, try not to make it about him.

  206.  #207Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 6:33 am

    “I am a slob” I remember being in Landmark Forum (I kind of transformational training) some years ago and a woman shared this same description of herself. By the end of the weekend she showed up at the meeting place looking totally different. After she had shared that and talked through some of what she does and her reasons for choosing to describe herself that way. She listened to other people’s challenges as well as the facilitators interventions with these people and some sank in.

    Sometimes when we put our secrets out there and share our weaknesses and realize it is only part of the human condition that we all share, we can find a space in our hearts to forgive ourselves and send compassion to ourselves.

  207.  #208Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 6:38 am

    smile how about “it would feel good to go out on a proper date”. Also I learned from Mel to respond to tentative dates with a “I will pencil you in my busy calender”. I hope she suggests something but the idea is to kind of agree with him on his idea but to paint the picture that he might get bumped for something more firm from someone else as you will erase him and write that one in ink.

  208.  #209Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 6:38 am

    201: Slippin’ Goddess

    I’m so glad.

    I feel like I can relate to your situation and if it’s any help, the more distance I get, the better I feel.

    When SR says or does things that trigger me, I still feel reactive, but not as reactive and I am learning to sink into what I feel and realizing more and more and more that even if he was able to be committed to me right now, I may not even want it.

    I’m really glad you are here and I am learning so much from your processing and the feedback you are receiving.

  209.  #210Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 6:43 am

    RE 178 Rebecca think authentic. Diplomatic sounds political and belong in the diplomatic environment. However don’t blurt anything. That suggests to me that there is something stuffed down. Also you don’t have to end anything. Just lean back, no initiating just respond in expressive poetic ways. Remember it is all practice and fun.

  210.  #211Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Pamelala I have not seen Nancy coming back.

  211.  #212Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 6:44 am

    I’m feeling a lot of compassion for myself this morning. No wonder I am struggling with this relationship. I have had all of 2 long term relationships as an adult. 🙂


    I have absolutely no experience in the dating world. I think in the 10 or so years that I was just being a single mum I had maybe 10 dates and of those I think I felt attracted to maybe 2 of them…LOL.

    Really, I have very little experience relating to anyone on an intimate close level. I have always been very slow to let people in my life and am not super socially inclined in terms of partying and outings as being with lots of people or in loud places for any length of time just exhausts me.

  212.  #213Pamelala on June 15, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Thanks, FW…that’s too bad. It would be nice to hear from her. I hope she is happy and living a beautiful story.

  213.  #214smile on June 15, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Thanks feminine woman, thats exactly what I want… a proper date!

    I think because we were living together he probably thinks that he doesn’t need to take me out like this and coming round will suffice but he doesn’t ‘have me’ we are not in that place anymore.

    The drink isn’t for a few days anayway as I am not available till then anyway!

    I will keep your advice in mind for if he wants to meet again after this.

    Note to self…I am expensive, I derserve the best!

  214.  #215Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 6:54 am

    When I met SR I remember putting it out to the universe that I wanted to date and just have fun.

    He was my first one night stand and it was sooooo fun.

    It was really a series of booty calls, not really dates and I was ok with that at the time and then he needed a place to stay – OMG! What the heck was I thinking.

    He got really attached really fast and I think I took that as a good thing and romanticized it like crazy. Sigh.

    I feel really proud of myself for getting him out of my house – took several tries. I have clearly stated what I want and feel so good about that as well.

    I know part of me still hopes he steps up, but I know that won’t happen anytime soon if ever.

    Breaking up with him (I know Rori says we don’t need to do this, just to keep riding on our horse) gave me the space I needed to make it more final for myself. I was still getting caught up in him and struggling with the idea of CD’ing. I can see so clearly how CD’ing will help me feel good and I am feeling more and more brave that I could actually date again.

  215.  #216Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 7:01 am

    SR is supposed to be coming over today to drop a chocolate bar off…he is from England and went to a butcher yesterday that sells all kinds of candy from England and bought me one he thought I would like. (We live on the West Coast of Canada)

    He didn’t say when and he didn’t call last night like he usually does. I have a few things I need to do today and I notice that I am ‘thinking’ about how this will all work…

    I guess the best thing for me to do is just go about my day and see what happens.

    I don’t know how I feel about this.

    I feel apprehensive.
    I feel nervous
    I feel frustrated.

    He wants to do something kind and then it seems to get all tangled if I don’t respond in the way he expects.

    He offered to make a trellis for my roses and even this is getting tangled up. He was going to buy stain for it and I said I had some stain and he said he would pick it up if/when he got a chance and then yesterday when he was spazzing at me he blamed me for not dropping it off…

    I notice that I get pulled into this and want to be right. I think in my head “you A$$! Don’t turn this around on me…if you want to do something nice for someone then just do it! Don’t get all resentful, that feels yucky to me and makes me want to say no to whateve it is that you are offering”

    I find it soooo hard to keep my heart unzippered when I feel like slapping him at the same time.

  216.  #217Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 7:06 am

    “I find it soooo hard to keep my heart unzippered when I feel like slapping him at the same time.”

    Very normal. That is the reason why it is good to flip our thoughts. Men feel what is going on on the inside of us.

    Love Actually what I got from your comments is “maybe that you are offering to help him” rather than just receiving. Maybe the message is just to say thank you when he tries to give? He wants to buy stain? allow him.

  217.  #218Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 7:11 am

    Love Actually I would explore the frustration. It might be that your are invested in getting something specific but he is not giving that – yet.

  218.  #219Tam on June 15, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Okay, now I have to laugh. Mr U has been posting like a maniac on our common friends’ fb wall, all in German (he does not speak a word of German). He must be google translating for dear life.
    And he is so verbose…Mr Silent type. He knows I’d usually comment on all the stuff he writes and I can’t be bothered!! Ha!!
    I might be completely off track here, but as I am always in fb contact with this particular friend, posting on each others walls, I do have a feeling a lot of it is for my benefit….seeking my attention…haha. I find that laughable.
    Now I am happy to see this because I think it is totally and utterly pathetic.
    If he wants contact, he could just pick up the phone or send me an email. But since I did not answer his last one he is now on retreat….as rejection is very upsetting for the little ego of a 6 foot, 50 year old man who runs his own company. Whatever. Pathetic.
    I wish he would just spontaneously combust at this stage! Oops, here comes Miss Anger again.

    I have a date with Bald CD tomorrow and I intend to have lots of fun. So there!! Grrr grrr grrr.

  219.  #220Tam on June 15, 2012 at 7:21 am

    ‘I find it soooo hard to keep my heart unzippered when I feel like slapping him at the same time’

    Gosh, I just saw that. Classic. Oh yes.

  220.  #221Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 7:26 am

    216: Femininewoman
    You are so right.
    I know that he feels what is on the inside of me for sure.

    Yesterday when he got upset at me for my ‘tone of voice’ I WAS feeling disappointed and nervous but I was also thinking “oh, you have to rush off” and translating that into “I am not important”

    Is riffing part of flipping our thoughts?

    I know that me thinking I am not important is mine. On some level he knows that too, and when he is stressed he is even more reactive than I am and he is VERY stressed right now, and we just get into this ridiculous ‘binging’ back and forth reacting to each other like crazy.

    I am invested in getting something specific, yes. I think I am still very invested in wanting him to be in a committed relationship with me and he can’t do that right now. I am also frustrated because I want to be able to feel what I feel without worrying that he will spaz out on me. I don’t seem to do very well with anger. So I guess part of me is frustrated with my own reactivity to his anger.

    I feel angry because in January, when he was home in England for 2 months, he declared that he really did love me and would do whatever it took to make it work with me…then slowly but surely we fell back into the same patterns and he got busy with his business here and started to really feel the stress and decided that he needed space – which his version of that was to speak to me several times a day and see me once a week. I felt vulnerable and like a guaranteed booty call once a week. All of this also followed on the heels of me giving him the ‘no girlfriend’ speech (although I had already been clear that for me long term included marriage when we were talking about trying again) and he said he didn’t know if he wanted to get married ever. I feel really really mad at this. He knew how I felt and he still wanted to try again and then he just changed his mind back to ‘I’m not sure’.

    I hope this all makes sense. It’s still feels all swirly in my brain.

  221.  #222Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Any advice on how to ‘flip my thoughts’ around the struggle of wanting to keep my heart unzippered while also wanting to slap him would be most appreciated. 🙂

  222.  #223Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 7:31 am

    Can it be as simple as focusing on something I love, like the peonies in my garden, and really sinking into that feeling when he comes over?

  223.  #224Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 7:37 am

    216: Femininewoman

    “Love Actually what I got from your comments is “maybe that you are offering to help him” rather than just receiving. Maybe the message is just to say thank you when he tries to give? He wants to buy stain? allow him.”

    Yes, I do this too. Although in this case he did ask me if I had any stain.

    He did mention that I could drop it off if I was out that way and I leaned back and said that I don’t often go out that way and felt comfortable and trusted him that he would figure it out. or something to that effect.

    I can sort of catch where I am going off track…he is very masculine in giving in so many ways and also he seems to get really resentful of it too. I feel apprehensive and frustrated with the possibility of the resentment…

  224.  #225Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 7:38 am

    The resentment and demanding energy I feel is a big trigger for me. My dad was like this and it feels confusing and draining.

    I would often just rather not receive it if it comes with strings and resentment.

  225.  #226Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Maybe I need to learn to be more appreciative if I do accept and receive?

  226.  #227Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 7:45 am

    I have been pretty consistent in using FM to say how it feels if he offers something.

    I say I feel great, warm, cared for, excited etc.
    I don’t know, maybe it comes across with my apprehension as well and he can’t fully take it in.

  227.  #228Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Love Actually I am thinking imagining the Waterwheel could help if you constantly practice it. That way whatever he is saying or doing your mindset would be he is bringing you his energy and his love.

  228.  #229Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 7:56 am

    RE 223 can you see that this is about you and not him? Maybe ask yourself where am I holding resentment against myself might help? Maybe also verbalizing forgiveness for your father – either directly to him or just aloud into the Universe.

  229.  #230Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Love Actually I was told the same thing and that marriage is not necessary. I just listened and went right back into cdating.

  230.  #231Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 8:15 am

    227: Femininewoman

    Ok, yes I can try to practice this more…

    I feel VERY vulnerable imagining this from him.

    Oh, this is so good to know.

    I feel afraid.
    I am scared that if I imagine this that I will become even more attached to him and it will hurt again/even more…

    I feel tears coming
    I feel really grateful to know this about myself, how scared of feeling the hurt…

  231.  #232Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 8:19 am

    2. The men you are attracting are not necessarily “low-quality” men. As you learn to SPEAK to them “I really felt icky when you said…” “I feel very sensitive. “Kindness and compassion and generosity are very important qualities for me in a man, and I don’t feel comfortable with being judged or hearing that kind of stuff…”

  232.  #233Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 8:21 am

    228: Femininewoman

    I can totally see that this is about me, at least in my head. I think in my heart I hold blaming energy around the fact that I want him to own what is his (or maybe it’s the opposite, my head holds the blaming and my heart knows it’s about me).

    This is one place I hold resentment for sure. I still want everyone to be responsible for themselves when I know all I can do is continue to learn to be responsible for myself and my feelings.

    I feel really really teary imagining forgiving my dad.My throat feels closing up and weird. My stomach feels jumpy…hmmm. I don’t think I don’t want to forgive him. Not sure what the tears are all about.

  233.  #234Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 8:47 am

    That’s what you need to sink into and ask your inner child what are you feeling, what is the most loving thing I can do for you right now. Also let her know that you are there for her and will nevre judge her.

  234.  #235Mel on June 15, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Regarding vague plans…

    How about something like :

    “Sure, going out would feel so fun to me. I’m available Tue, Thurs and Saturday evening this week.”

    If he still doesn’t make a firmer plan, I say (with an adorable irresistible smile) “Okay, I’ll use pencil for our tentative date. I am a busy girl afterall… ;)”

  235.  #236Mel on June 15, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Smile, the above was for you… 🙂

    Funnily enough, I actually had CDs specifically ask me to use PEN to schedule dates with them after that… 😉

  236.  #237Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 9:09 am

    233: Femininewoman

    Thanks. Yes, this is something I know I need to do and somehow I never really let myself fully fully sink into it…I feel like I might fall on the floor with grief that I don’t quite understand and maybe I will never get up again…although I know that I will I am still resistant.

    My 7 year old and about 14 year old selves feel totally alone and abandoned and I feel inadequate to be there for them on some level.

    I am also sometimes able to channel my wise old self and she doesn’t feel inadequate to be there for me or my younger selves. She is peaceful and wise and knowing and calm and happy and content and I trust her totally. She has lovely warm eyes and beautiful wrinkles and enveloping safe energy.

    I feel like the little girl who is lost and lonely and abandoned and I do judge myself for that. I think I have to be so strong and independent – funny, that makes me remember that SR said very early on that he thought I might be too independent to be with him or something to that effect, then the situation meant that he was totally reliant on me for a time, living in my home and relying on my support to help him start a business…I know this was very emasculating for him and yet I felt resentful as well because even though I agreed to do it (not really understanding the full scope of what the heck I was doing) I wanted him to accept responsibility for it also. He worked his butt off and then he felt resentful that no one appreciated him for that – it’s almost like we have the same wounds and just can’t be there for each other for long enough to relax and/or understand without the reactivity getting in the way.

    I don’t judge my younger selves I don’t think.

    I can see that I put a lot of confusing pressure on him to take care of my little girl in the way I wanted to (and I still want to feel loved and cherished) and at the same time I push him away because I am terrified of being hurt. I think helping him made me feel good and somehow superior maybe…that couldn’t have felt good to him.

    Then I did end up getting hurt – a lot! LOL
    Now I end up pushing him away even more I think…

  237.  #238Mel on June 15, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Soooo funny!

    I asked Mr A if he could help me with something. I respected that he might be too busy with work so I said: “It would feel great if you could help, but I understand if you are too busy. I should have no problem recruiting help if I need it.”

    He’s like “No! I’ll help you.”

    He knows that if he can’t help I’ll ask my friend with BEEnefits… LOL He wants to be my ONLY man-helper…

    Also, he had made plans to take his son to dinner… and his son (sweet boy) invited me. Mr A was like, Oh… I thought it was just a boy dinner.

    I made a cute frown and said “Humph, I feel pouty being uninvited, but I understand. I’ll just make some other dinner plans that feel fun and tasty.” He seemed a teeny bit jealous even…

    I like that I don’t feel dependent on him to be in charge of my ‘happiness.’

  238.  #239Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 9:14 am

    235: Mel

    I feel totally giggly and excited about the possibilities reading this.

  239.  #240Pamelala on June 15, 2012 at 9:18 am

    236: Mel….so sireny! 🙂

  240.  #241Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Mel I just lurve your vibe. I also look forward to reading your comments.

  241.  #242smile on June 15, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Love it thanks Mel!

    I feel so prepared for anything having all these effective scripts up my sleeve!

  242.  #243Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 9:23 am

    You CANNOT help a relationship recover by being sad and miserable.
    You can only help a relationship recover by recovering your own high spirits and sense of fun, your own devotion to YOU and to having a good life, good times, and good feelings.
    This is not only the BEST way to attract a terrific man who can make you happy, it’s the best way to heal everyone and everything around you.

  243.  #244Mel on June 15, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Thanks FW! I lurve your wisdom. 🙂

    I wasn’t feeling terribly sireny yesterday…

    The bedroom has been a little sleepy lately. I told him I felt so embarrassed asking for luvin’ because I felt afraid the answer would be no. And then I cried. LOL

  244.  #245Smile on June 15, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Feminine woman, its really useful to read back through past blogs thank you for referring to them in your post.

    I always feel it takes me a few days to really get what some of articles say until I’ve made sense of them and applied them to my own situation then I suddenly get the oh yeh feeling lol!

  245.  #246Iamabutterfly on June 15, 2012 at 9:45 am

    @230 Feminine Woman – that is a great post. Thanks for re-posting it!

  246.  #247Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 9:48 am

    aaawwww Mel. That sounds very sireny to me. Wish I had that kinda courage.

  247.  #248Mel on June 15, 2012 at 10:02 am



    It’s funny hey? I felt so weak… but yet men see it as brave maybe because they would never reveal such a fear?

  248.  #249smile on June 15, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Whilst we are on this subject of sireny things to say. There is something that is bothering me that I could do with some advice incase it comes up because I am almost 100% certain it will and so i want to feel prepared.

    I have been wondering what to say if he initiates having sex and thats not something I want right now. Mainly because this is not a new relationship just one that is trying to get back on tracks after time apart.

    How bout “I really enjoy being intimate with you but its not what I would like to concentrate on in our relationship right now…”???????
    He will be totally fine with not doing it because he has a lot of repect for me but I want to get it right so I dont push him away again.

  249.  #250Rori Raye on June 15, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Love Actually – Thank you! this is great! Love, Rori

  250.  #251Pamelala on June 15, 2012 at 10:11 am

    It’s a different situation, but this is what I used with my new guy:

    “I feel so safe and comfortable with you and kind of nervous to share this, but I think you should know this before we go any further – I feel very strongly that it is important for us to build a deep sense of trust and intimacy before engaging sexually. I would feel sad if we subverted the intimacy building/bonding process by jumping into sexually too soon and I want a relationship in which I can trust that my sexual boundaries will be honored. What do you think?”

    You could tweek it as, I believe, you are re-building trust and intimacy.

    I dunno…hope it’s somewhat helpful. It worked great for me and he has become the protector of the sexual boundaries and I don’t have to keep saying no…I like that a lot.

  251.  #252Pamelala on June 15, 2012 at 10:12 am

    #251 was in response to Smile #249

  252.  #253smile on June 15, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Thank you pamelala. This is really helpful as it helps share with him what I do want to concentrate on in our relationship.

  253.  #254Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

    This one had me saying WOW

    Rori Raye says:

    1. 3027: Rori Raye says:
    Melissa – here it is: Do NOT wait so long to get your kids involved. Steve Harvey (“Think Like A Man”) says this, and I TOTALLY agree. This man has been very clear with you – DROP HIM COMPLETELY. Emily, the Bachelorette, has and still has the same problem. Get Allana Pratt’s book “Single Mom Manifesto” – – she’s a genius around this, and it will help. From now on – get your kid(s) into the picture right in the first 3-6 dates – “sooner rather than later.” This doesn’t mean you go out with them and play, or he does “daddy” type stuff with them – it just means you go to the grocery store together, or he hangs in your house for a bit while you finish getting ready for a date and say goodbye to the baby-sitter. He just has to see the real-life you live, and see if there’s any kind of chemistry with your “family” as a whole. Then you’ll be dealing with a different scenario – men who want an “instant family” – and is that really so bad? Love, Rori

  254.  #255Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

    cynthia says:

    i followed some siren advice and it worked, met the perfect guy, asked my hand, planned out a wedding for next year, tried for a baby.since im pregnant, his mood swings are horrible, his temper is unexplainable, have i gone back to this cozy way of doing things without realizing it..ive tried doing nothing, tried verbalizing, writing.still nothing, even though i know theres smthng but hes not telling the source of the real problem..what should i do rori, i want my child to have a father, but not at the price of all the fighting. c.

    Rori Raye says:
    cynthia – “fighting” will get you nowhere. Your attitude is crucial here. It doesn’t matter what he’s going through – it only matters that he’s angry and it’s affecting you. Go see “Think Like A Man” and emulate how the women heroines all learn to relate to the men – with strength, love, compassion, kindness, interest – and total straightforwardness about what they will and will not tolerate – without placing blame. It would be helpful if he’d see a doctor, and that would be my first request and requirement. Love, Rori

  255.  #256ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

    @121 Love Actually

    Yes, even talking on the phone with him makes me feel better, but actually seeing him in person will be wonderful. I can see with my own eyes and interact with him so I know he’s ok. I told him, next I want a hug. He laughed and said, yes, a hug would be really nice.

  256.  #257ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

    @217 FW

    How do men feel what is going on in the inside of us?

  257.  #258Starla on June 15, 2012 at 11:23 am

    hehe, CF still shows up on my friends module on my facebook wall, but I’m not cliiiiiiiickiiiiiiiiiiiiing neener neener neener
    *strong like ox*

  258.  #259Pamelala on June 15, 2012 at 11:27 am


    From my perspective, and it’s just my romantic notion and could be totally wrong in anyone else’s case, is that men and women were MADE for one another. He was meant to be the protector and nurturer. The best way for him to do that is by having an internal knowing and connection with what is going on inside of us…then, he can take action.

    I also believe that a strong emotionally intimate connection must be established before he can READ his woman…I don’t think any man can read just any woman. However, if a bond has been established…he knows.

    Yup, I’m purely romantic…but, know too, that just because he has an internal knowing doesn’t mean that he is able to connect to it (if he has some emotional work to do) or that we can EXPECT him to know…that’s always trouble.


  259.  #260Starla on June 15, 2012 at 11:30 am

    omg, just saw Alaska posted on facebook the other night “Amazed at how childish some “adults” can be” when I didn’t respond to his text. It IS possible that this isn’t about me, but he’s admitted to me that he uses FB for cryptic up-to-the-minute venting.

    And a bunch of other posts with lots of cussing about women and his cats. I’m thinking, “yeah, good luck with that buddy. Have you looked at my FB page? It’s nothing but positivity and mutual support. Your bark is not for my tree.”

    Let me just vent for a minute here: What a loser. He called me last night but I didn’t have my phone on me. He left the most morose message. Like he has bad news for me or something. I didn’t get the message until this morning, so when I got to work I shot him an email saying hey got your message but didn’t have phone, sup? No answer means it’s something serious. This guy is drama and a half. But I’ll still take his call later and endure whatever it is he has to say, because as I’ve learned, it SUCKS for the other person to not even be given an audience, even if it makes ME uncomfortable to have to listen.

    I love me and I have boundaries and I can hear a man say anything he needs to say.

  260.  #261Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 11:33 am

    250: Rori Raye

    I feel hot in my cheeks reading your post…not sure if this is embarrassed or happy or shy…

    In my head it feels so great to be acknowledged! But there is definitely something else underneath…

    I feel intrigued.

  261.  #262Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 11:33 am

    I don’t know RG. They just do. Most of the times they can’t express it in words either. Ever heard a guy say “there is just something about that girl!”. It is what the vibe is about. Ask a few male friends if they can feel what someone is about.

    Scientifically we exchange emotions through the amygdala in our brains. Think what you want someone to know not what you don’t want them to know. It iS just one of those laws of the Universe

  262.  #263Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 11:36 am

    256: ReceivingGirl

    I feel all warm and bubbly imagining this hug for you.

    I totally need to be with someone to feel them better and what might be going on with them…well, this is particularly true with my 14 year old son who is making choices that freak me right out and spending lots of unsupervised time at his dads house…but when I can see him and his eyes are clear and his energy feels calm then I feel safer that he is ok despite his choices.

  263.  #264ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 11:38 am

    @258 Starla

    BoatGuy still shows on mine too. Other people rotate, but his never leaves! LOL I don’t get it.

  264.  #265ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 11:40 am

    @259 Pamelala

    Awww…that sounds really nice. I’m also a big romantic at heart.

  265.  #266Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 11:44 am

    257: ReceivingGirl

    I think its just being human too. We are geared to feel each other, whether you call it energetically or reading body language or tone of voice (as SR said he could hear it in my tone of voice when we were speaking on the phone).

    He picked up on some of what I was feeling and not all of what I was feeling and maybe in the first moment it was the negative part coming through, i don’t know…later he said, ‘why can’t you just say ‘ok’ to the fact that i can’t stop over’ instead of getting upset with me…so he heard blame and really if i’m honest, i was mad in the moment and blaming him for not being there for me – not necessarily that he couldn’t stop over this time, but overall that he isn’t available. when he got mad at me i got defensive…sigh.

    i feel a little sad that i don’t actually know how i am feeling in the split second of the moment.
    i feel a little happy that he could pick up on this…


  266.  #267ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 11:46 am

    @262 FW

    Yes, I have heard a guy say that before. Hmmm….I’ll try to think of something I want Mr. Observant to know and see what happens. I feel I give off vibes through my eyes. I feel my eyes are very powerful. Mr. Observant and I lock eyes a lot without any words…we just look into each other’s eyes…it feels very powerful. He talks about my eyes a lot too.

  267.  #268ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 11:47 am

    @263 Love Actually

    Thank you! 🙂

  268.  #269ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 11:49 am

    @266 Love Actually

    It is nice when people can pick up on things within you, even when you don’t know what it is. In a way, it helps with feeling understood and without even having to explain it. I think it’s a great type of connection to achieve with another person.

  269.  #270ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 11:50 am

    I guess I always thought of women having this sense, but never considered men can have it too.

  270.  #271Starla on June 15, 2012 at 11:52 am

    264 RG, I like to think it’s cuz they’re always looking at our profiles. FB does say that this is not a factor in the algorithm, but honestly, I don’t believe it. I think it’s indeed a factor to some extent, and they fudge the truth to cover this hole in privacy.

  271.  #272Pamelala on June 15, 2012 at 11:54 am

    #271 Starla….I 100% agree with you on the FB hypothesis.

  272.  #273ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 11:59 am

    @271 I think that too Starla. I was intentionally not looking at his page to get him to go away from mine. Mr. Observant rotates in and out, but BoatGuy is 100% of the time on my screen.

  273.  #274Starla on June 15, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    🙂 thanks, i feel validated.

    however, if you look at their page, it will definitely promote them in appearance frequency on your module. But I haven’t looked at CFs (or his sister’s) page in a good while. And there are others I look at every day. I think I’m being spied on. Let them look:) I am happy and healthy.

  274.  #275LobbyStar on June 15, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Hi Emerson and Esteemed! 🙂 And everyone!

    #271 Starla – I also think there is something to your FB module theory. The people who show up on mine are always the same ones for me, and I think they are the ones who interact with me the most (i.e. leave comments on my statuses and photos) and who look at my wall the most. Cy shows up there, and I avoid looking at his like the plague, so that I’ll know when he’s looking. I find he disappears from the module during the day (when he’s at work) and reappears late at night, lol.

  275.  #276Radlove on June 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Love Actually,

    Do you think Rori’s thank you was in reference to tor poem about beyond in love with love?

  276.  #277Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Well.. had a nice evening out with my friend and had lots of retail therapy!
    Have to admit though, I did think about him on the train on the way home. 🙁 I do miss him.

    After he sent the message about not understanding what I meant and asking for me to break it down, I did send.

    “I’m just feeling overwhelmed right nw and I want to get back to feeling calm and relaxed.”

    and then “I know you’ll sort everything out.”

    ..but unfortunately he just hasn’t bothered replying..

    I don’t know..

  277.  #278Ella on June 15, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Hello Sirens

    Thank you for your lovely comments on my radio interview.

  278.  #279Ella on June 15, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    I feel unsure about how I feel about this… and whether it is important or not.

    MWC and I have been eating really healthily cus of his illness, and he seemed to be really into it… I was the one who instigated it.

    And I have just come to his house, and there is a pizza box and half a bottle of pepsi.

    I wouldn’t mind at all, its just that yesterday when we spoke he was telling me he ate all this healthy stuff… he listed everything he ate in the day, he instigated this conversation.

    I told him how I had fallen off the bandwagon and had fish and chips… and he never once mentioned the pizza.

    I honestly don’y mind what he eats… well he is an adult and it is his choice.

    But why did he conceal the truth?

    I feel kinda triggered.

    But in a kind of tired way.

    Like I feel bored of worrying about this issue, of whether or not he is being honest with me.

    And obviously these kind of small lies make me question the other stuff, like his reason why he missed his therapy session this week.

    I just wonder what I will do now.

    Ummm. I have been noticing how I have been starting to feel a bit turned off around him. Like I just feel a bit … off.

    Kinda getting a bit luke warm instead of hot…

    Any advice on this.

    Should I talk to him about it?

  279.  #280Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    this attitude, you can choose to say Yes or No to the man the next time – and you can speak to him in Feeling Messages about your confusion – ALL BASED on how it feels to you in the moment. The question isn’t whether or not you sleep with him. The question is how you handle that afterwards. Can you take it for pleasure, and not for “tomorrow” – or are you stuck in “tomorrow”?
    If you DO feel stuck in “tomorrow” and what having sex will “mean” to him and to the possibility of a relationship…then it’s plain not going to feel good to you to sleep with him. And if you feel all gorgeous and sexy and juicy and happy, and you don’t care what happens “tomorrow” – then you’re light years ahead of where you thought you were – and you’re on target for Happy Ever After with…your Mr. Right…woever he is and whenever he shows up.

  280.  #281Ella on June 15, 2012 at 12:59 pm


    If I did want to start dating other guys, any idea how I might go about this? Now that we are exclusive.

  281.  #282Linda on June 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    I had a new acquaitence (male) text me “How’s it hanging”?

    EWWWWH. That feels soo crude. I did not respond to it all day, made me feel icky that a man who is expressing interest in me would ask me that.

    I finally text back and said ” ummm I am not sure how to respond to that question. Isnt that something a man would ask another man?

    His reply was ewww sorry, I did not mean it in a sexual way.

    His original text triggered me. That question felt so icky and pal – ish. I am not one of his buddies nor do I wish to become one. I had a man who came on strong to me a while back… then he would call me pal. I said “pal??, I am not your pal”. Needless to say that ended that. LOL

    Maybe I am ultra sensitive right now but…..I want to be spoken to respectfully and as a lady and that text felt like a real turn off to me. A bit crude if you ask me.


  282.  #283Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Slippin Goddess leaving it up to him and not assuming the worst would be trusting him to sort it out.

  283.  #284ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    @279 Ella

    Maybe it’s time to remove yourself from his business. Don’t think about it, don’t say anything about it. He’s a big boy and knows what he needs to do. Trust him to do it and take care of himself. Let your worries go, try to relax and see if it helps at all.


  284.  #285Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Oops that’s me.

  285.  #286Linda on June 15, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Speaking of triggers. How would you feel if the man you were in a relationship with called you”kiddo” (he was only 2 years older than me). I HATED IT! Even though it probably a term of fondness, I HATED IT. It made me like he did not regard me as a mate or potential mate.

    How would it land with any of you other ladies out here?


  286.  #287Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    I guess. Still doesn’t feel good that he didn’t reply though. Especially after asking me to break it down…

    …and yet again he texts just as I’m about to send.. hmm strange..

    “What do you mean sort everything out”

  287.  #288Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    269: ReceivingGirl

    I agree. I wonder if when we first meet someone and we are in that hormonal happy fog from which we see only the good parts is that what we each pick up on and feed off of each other that creates so much intense attraction…

    I wonder if this state coupled with our own strong boundaries and personal happiness (without depending on anyone else) is what Rori is getting at that creates attraction in a man…

    Im pretty sure I get fixated on all the flaws once that lovely fog cleared…also didn’t have my own strong boundaries from the outset – I thought I could handle things that in the end I couldn’t…

  288.  #289Daria on June 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Linda – i wouldnt cut off this guy for that – until he’s shown some bad behavior he can stay in

    ive read Rori writing it works best to assume he has loving intentions, especially when he is coming towards you (wanting to find out about you is coming towards you)

    a lot of women dismiss guys for writing plain hi’s how are you’s similar to ‘how’s it hanging’

    this is NOT bad behavior.

    Bad behavior is something to drop a guy for, and theres all the CDing to learn the diff between a guy with bad behavior and a guy who is not perfectly cassanova knowing of how to romance a woman … the second is something you can work with

    ‘im feeling well, i feel good to hear from you and… i feel a bit uncomfortable to say this.. it feels a bit unromantic to be asked that way… i don’t wana feel all casual and guy pal… what do you think?”

  289.  #290Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    It’s only taken him 7 hours to muster up that sentence.. haha Can’t he work it out for himself..

    Any advice on response? I know you’re babying me here but I’m so afraid to make the wrong move and go back to square 1. I feel we’re slowly making progress.

  290.  #291Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 1:20 pm


    279 = Is it possible he got the pizza after your conversation? If it were me, I wouldn’t discuss. It would only come across as mothering. And I know that’s not you’re intention.I would just say in a moment it occurs…

    I feel turned off.


    I feel frustrated. I don’t want to be in a relationship that is dragging me down.

    What I’ve been learning by experimentation and experience with K and R is one simple feeling message Carries a lot more

  291.  #292Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    269: ReceivingGirl

    It does feel nice in terms of a connection with someone and also feels a little invasive to me if I AM NOT EVEN AWARE OF HOW I FEEL – yikes! Speaks so much to how valuable it is to learn more and more about myself and how I feel.


  292.  #293Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    …weight than a page of discussion.

  293.  #294Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    276: Radlove

    I have no idea. I feel a little confused, I didn’t realize it was her poem even.

  294.  #295Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    I want feel loved again. I want us to interact and enjoy our time together like we used to.
    I don’t want to be left all the time and let down with plans because his ex has him on a guilt trip. I’m human.

    I just want to feel loved and cherished again. Not lonely because of the various issues in his life.

    How can I say that in one sentence and respond to his…

    “What do you mean sort everything out?”

  295.  #296Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    280: Femininewoman

    Oh, I can’t wait until I feel this way ALLLL the time. 🙂

    I was celibate for a friggin’ decade and SR was the first time I had slept with anyone since my husband and it has been so juicy and fabulous, I am a little sad that I can’t still enjoy it and not feel weirdly, sadly attached…

  296.  #297Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Slippin Goddess you have to know what you want him to sort out. Is it your life together and feeling all romantic rather than tense? Maybe work it out for yourself before shooting off a response there is no urgency. If you are going to keep up the constant texting you might try “it would feel good to discuss this face to face”.

  297.  #298Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 1:29 pm


    286 = I think Daria’s response to you is perfect, because you hate it.
    For me, I don’t mind it. K calls me kiddo, but he has about twenty other nicknames for me too. So I have no doubt he relates to me as a partner. Also, he is 13 years older. So it appeals too the little girl in me. And in done ways he has felt like a father to me.

  298.  #299Daria on June 15, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    I don’t know if I’d mind ‘kiddo’

    ok i dont feel good with it

    i also don’t feel good with ‘honey’ and ‘sweetie’

    im practicing opening up to the ‘sweetie’ for now tho

    i know this is my stuff… and it would also work to communicate about it and see what happens

  299.  #300Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Love Actually,

    Huh? I thought it was your poem?

  300.  #301Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    I usually “toss the ball back” with names so I believe I would call someone who calls me kiddo – grandpa. Just today someone called me mummy and that was what I called him because my NVs were calling me old with him calling me that. He just wiggled and said “I love it. It is moving me higher”.

  301.  #302Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    So would you say

    “Our life together – feeling all romantic again rather than tense” – That is what I want but he’s prob still going to be unaware how to do that.

    Do i instead write the problems that need resovling that cause the tension. More openness, less/no drugs, boundaries/plans with the ex.. Etc?

  302.  #303Ella on June 15, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Yes I agree I need to get out of his business.

    Esteemed, it is unlikely that he got the pizza after, but anything is possible.

    Yes, I do need to get out of his business.

    Ok then.

    I suppose what I am saying is I feel unsure whether this relationship is really what I want and I am unsure what, if anything, I need to do about this.

    I am going to have a bath in a minute, as this always helps me relax.

  303.  #304Starla on June 15, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    My high school sweetheart called me kiddo and I loved it. He was also a couple years older. I called him tomato (his name was tom).

  304.  #305Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Sliiping Goddess seems like you have a great start just that I would add “I am just a girl here and like every other girl I need to feel cherished blah blah otherwise I feel turned off. I don’t want to feel that way with you. I want to feel blah blah blah

    Then end positive with something you remember and miss. Again send one sentence at a time. Think about what is weighin heavy on your heart and tugs at your heart strings.

  305.  #306ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    @288 Love Actually

    Yes, I do believe that is what Rori is talking about. I feel we start seeing only the flaws after the happy fog clears because things change and we don’t want them to. Although, I don’t feel I change how I behave, but I feel the men change how they behave. And, I liked how they were behaving to begin with, so I’m not fond when they change. When they don’t call as often, don’t get that look in their eyes as often. When I feel not as “wanted”, then I change. Is it just because we aren’t with the right person??

  306.  #307Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    My perspective on names though is that it is used with the intention of love or play. So I am not usually triggered unless they use something like stupid. Then I might say if I were you I would not describe myself that way.

  307.  #308Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    We have gluten free pizza here in NYC

  308.  #309Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    300: Esteemed

    No, I think you have me confused with LoveAlways…maybe I should change my name…

    Do messages go into moderation when you change your name?

  309.  #310Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Prolems take time to resolve also you have to bring it back to yourself and be honest with yourself about how much of the stuff with the ex you can handle. That part is likely never going away for a while and he might not be able to do anything about it. It would not focus on the problems.

  310.  #311ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 1:45 pm


    Is it really about the relationship, whether you want it or not? I feel you totally want it, but you care and worry and you want him to be good. I feel this is about him and not about the relationship. What do you think?

  311.  #312ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I feel happy with any pet name he chooses out of cuteness and love. I feel all warm and fuzzy.

  312.  #313Daria on June 15, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Love Always – Rori is likely responding to your message that had gone into moderation, as thats the one she sees

  313.  #314Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    306: ReceivingGirl

    Oh, good question?? I guess it could be that we are not with the right person. For me, now, after this relationship experience, I can see that I’m not sure if he could be the right person – I have so much work to do with myself and my own life and then I might know, although he would still not be available right now so that kind of makes him automatically not the right person, right now at least.

    I think that I believe that I only changed when he changed his behavior too, but from what I take here is that it is also my ‘vibe’ changing that contributes to changes in him…

    I know in my situation, I was totally triggered when he pulled back. He was right in front of me, living in my house and completely cut off. Now in hindsight, I can see that he was trying to be in his man cave and sort out the mess he was in (ie. needing to get his immigration status sorted out, creating work for himself and some kind of financial security). When I met him he was about to go home to England, then stayed…

    I got really super needy and wanted more and more attention and then we started arguing…uggg. Then he started really acting like a jacka$$, then I started acting like a raving lunatic. LOL. I feel kind of comical when I read what I’m writing now…

  314.  #315ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Love Actually

    Yes, they would go into moderation.

  315.  #316Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    300: Esteemed

    LOL, I just realized that maybe Rori had me mixed up with Love Always too.

    Funny, because yesterday when Femininewoman acknowledged something to Love Actually, I automatically thought she meant Love Always and today when I read Rori’s post I didn’t, even though I did think – hmmm, not sure entirely what she might be thanking for…

    I feel sheepish and amused.

  316.  #317Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    his response..

    “How can I when I constantly feel like a mug cos Im sure something went on on holiday.. That night we went to town as well your phone rang at 8am. I dont know why I just feel like something has happened.”

    Nothing’s happened at all, this is all silly. Where has this come from at all?

  317.  #318Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    his response..

    “How can I when I constantly feel like a mug cos Im sure something went on on holiday.. That night we went to town as well your phone rang at 8am. I dont know why I just feel like something has happened.”

    Nothing’s happened at all, this is all silly. Where has this come from at all?

  318.  #319Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    313: Daria

    Oh, thank you! I don’t feel quite so sheepish now. 🙂

    I think I will change my name as I see you have also confused Love Actually and Love Always in your post.

    Maybe later, so my messages don’t go into moderation right now…

  319.  #320Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    “Is that why you were getting phoned early hours of the morning sometimes? Because someone else gave you attention? Still think something happened on holiday, I just feel sick when I think about it because I just feel like a full on mug.”

  320.  #321Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    This is craaaazy.. Sorry for spamming I’m tryin to keep calm.. because he seems strangely calm.

  321.  #322Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    ((((((((321: Slippin’ Goddess)))))))

    I wish I knew what to say…
    What do you feel?

    Maybe just spam everything you are feeling here…

  322.  #323Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    SG that is his issue and you can’t go down that tunnel with him

  323.  #324Gemini on June 15, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Oh sirens, it’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to 🙁
    I’m feeling sad and my heart feels heavy, but I should be feeling ecstatic! I finished my first year of my phd program last night, yeeeee! And today is my birthday, yeee celebrate me! And I’m getting so much love from my friends and family…..BUT I’m not getting any attention whatsoever from the guy I want it from 🙁 The guy that I’m seeing, and supposed to be exclusive with cuz he’s catching feelings for me etc etc….But the most I’ve heard from him is he poked me yesterday on facebook, blah….so not impressed homie. Really? That’s the best he can do?

    I’m really really trying to lean wayyy back and focus on love for myself, celebrating all my accomplishments, and feeling and receiving all the love of my friends and family, but it’s tough. I tried calling him last night, no answer. I know he’s been having troubles with his phone, but if he can poke me on facebook he can send me a dang message too for crying out loud!! Ouch. Not cool, sighhhh.

    Any suggestions ladies?

  324.  #325Ella on June 15, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    RG re 311

    I feel confused about what you mean?

    I do want a lovely relationship.

    And yes, at this moment I feel unsure about whether I want it with him.

    Is this what you mean?

  325.  #326Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    I feel upset and I have a lump in my throat like I could easily cry. I think I will cry. I don’t feel really down it feels more like I need to relieve tension.
    I don’t know what to say to him to defend myself when I have done nothing wrong.
    I want to reply that it makes me feel sick that he thinks I’d cheat all all, nevermind at a time when I felt hopelessly in love with him and couldnt wait to get back. Those feelings havent changed.

    I’m also confused as to where this has come from and why this is suddenly becoming the issue?

  326.  #327Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Really confused on how to respond though. This stuff isn’t easy.. but maybe I can it’s definately showing to be worth it.

  327.  #328Femininewoman on June 15, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Don’t defend ((((((((((SG))))))))))))))


  328.  #329Gemini on June 15, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Maybe the planets are out of whack lol, Mercury retrograde anyone? I’m seeing other sirens going through things right now too….hugs all around!

  329.  #330Daria on June 15, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Slippin Goddess – “im feeling really upset being accused of something that didn’t happen – i don’t have to lie – and i don’t want to tolerate being accused of being dishonest like this. itd feel better to hear from you when you think you can communicate with me with respect.”

  330.  #331Daria on June 15, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    i feel unsure about that one, i feel really triggered and pist when someone accuses me of something not true or doesnt believe me

  331.  #332Gemini on June 15, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    thank you femininewoman 🙂

    slippin goddess: maybe he’s scared and lashing out? scared because you’re setting healthy boundaries for yourself and he’s afraid of losing you? AND it sounds like he’s trying to turn the attention away from him and toward you, so he doesn’t have to take responsibility for himself.

  332.  #333Starla on June 15, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    “nothing went on during holiday, i just don’t want to deal with the drugs or this drama anymore. it would feel good if it stopped. i want to feel secure again. i miss (insert wonderful thing here) i feel scared to say that because i don’t want you think that it means i want to break up.”

  333.  #334Daria on June 15, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Happy Birthday Gemini!… eff that guy and go CD and enjoy the manly attention

  334.  #335Tam on June 15, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    I am lovin’ facebook antics now. Have to admit a little break of no contact.
    Mr U got mad at me posting something about a German footballer on our friends page…as I posted he was super handsome…he answered to it ‘bet he knows how to get a leg over’ (as in ‘to get women for sex only’)
    And that from Mr ‘lets be platonic friends’ only, ha ha, jealous of a footballer.. ha ha ha.
    I answered ‘oh yes, I am fantasising now’….
    Feeling a bit bad as it is a little bit of breaking NC even though it is just on a friends fb page. I shall desist from that now…but I feel so smiley by him being peeved that I find a footballer sexy. Ha ha ha.
    It’s really silly but also really funny.
    I feel playful 🙂

  335.  #336Daria on June 15, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    practice for Daria:

    “itd feel better to hear from you when you think you can communicate with me with respect.”

    this is me slapping him


    the truth is i feel flabbergasted and wordless still

    i feel so furious i feel like blinking my eyes and i feel numb

  336.  #337Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Forget it.. I’ve totally lost it..

    A lad he knows a few months ago text and asked him to go out “smashing sl*gs” while I was with him! The cheek!

    Well this lad who he barely even talks to has just wrote on his facebook and apparently theyve a night out planned together tomorrow.

    No wonder where all this cheating stuffs come from.. Really gonna lose it at him on the phone now argh!

  337.  #338Daria on June 15, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    “wow… i feel shocked babe… i feel speechless angry being accused of not being truthful … i feel furious. I absolutely dont want to be treated this way with a man… it makes me feel turned off and disconnected and just icky”

  338.  #339Gemini on June 15, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Thank you Daria!! That’s exactly what I needed to hear 🙂

  339.  #340Daria on June 15, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Slippin Goddess – dont “lose it!”

    i see thats how you keep yourself in the cycle now… by ‘losing it’ keeps you from being real with whats going on and your feelings –

    and feeding into that energy allowing yourself to stay stuck in the pattern

  340.  #341Ella on June 15, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with really painful period cramps?

  341.  #342Ella on June 15, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Hi Daria,

    Do you have any advice for me re 281 and 303?

  342.  #343Starla on June 15, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    341 ella
    mary jane

    and this yoga (takes like 10 minutes) is AMAZING, just try it, girl!

  343.  #344Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Ok, I’ve been trying the waterwheel today…

    SR said that he was going to drop the chocolate bar off to me sometime today and I had to go out and hadn’t heard from him and then he called while I was out…I tried to call him back and he didn’t answer so i left a light message that i would be home soon and he called me just after i got home.

    I could hear in the background that he was at the bar…he called me during a break in the england switzerland game…so instead of feeling totally triggered by the fact that he was at the bar – which usually drives me crazy because I associate it with all kinds of negative behavior when he lived with me – I focused on the fact that he called ME during the game and that means he is thinking about me and that felt great. I didn’t mention the chocolate bar and after I hung up I realized that I was feeling disappointed that he didn’t bring it and didn’t mention it…

    He called again after the game to ask me if I watched it, which I didn’t because I can’t keep track of the game and I end up bored, but I had checked the score and knew that they won and I genuinely felt excited for him – its such a big deal to him – I had to laugh as he said, and I could hear, that he was losing his voice from screaming so much. I am feeling happy for him.
    He did bring up the chocolate bar and said that he didn’t have time to drop it off before the game and that he had thought about dropping it through the mail slot on his way to work (would have been very early) and he said he decided not to just in case my son or the dog got to it before i did. And maybe a little happy because I would rather see him (even if I feel nervous about that) than he just drop it through the mail slot.

    I felt happy that he had thought about it and made a decision and that he brought it up.

    I said I was disappointed not to be eating the chocolate bar…he said ‘don’t worry, i’ve still got it’ and sounded happy.

    So while I feel a little disappointed not to be seeing him, the waterwheel thing did help alot.

    Thank you!

    I will try to continue to practice it and when he is not in front of me he doesn’t exist, yeah? So I get on with my own things and not be ridiculously focused on him.

  344.  #345Gemini on June 15, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Love Actually:
    “I will try to continue to practice it and when he is not in front of me he doesn’t exist, yeah? So I get on with my own things and not be ridiculously focused on him.”

    Word!! Right there with you!! Painting myself with love, waterwheel, waterwheel!! 🙂

  345.  #346Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Ohh, I very nearly did.. I rang him up.. whoops..
    Anyway, I didnt lose it..

    In fact he’s just admitted he’s going through pictures of me holidaying and everything and it’s sending him nuts..

    He said it’s been horrible all this and all his friends would be laughing at him if they knew he was like this.. I started laughing myself and he said “don’t laugh at me!”

    Anyway, I said I had to go and twice before I got off the phone he was asking when I was making an appearance and when could he see me next.

    I said we’d sort something out as it would feel good to speak face to face.. (Thanks FW! 😉 ) haha

    He’s not half pining.. This stuff is magic! Thanks sirens.. Not exactly solved things yet but things feel good so hopefully it’s a start..

  346.  #347Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Why do I ‘lose it’ sometimes.
    One minute I can be fine and the next I can see something and BAM! ..maybe I’ve got a short fuse haha
    ..and here’s me thinking I’m the most calm person ever!

    I knew I was losing it, I could feel the anger rising but I didn’t care!! I was gonna let him have it!! ..then I remembered that would be so un-siren like and I calmed myself down-ish.. I’m only human.. he he

  347.  #348ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    @314 Love Actually

    It gets so complicated…lol

  348.  #349ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Is a Father’s Day Car ok to give?

  349.  #350ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 3:44 pm


  350.  #351Daria on June 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Ella – i think the above article might apply to your situation…

    and also i feel quite sad too in this kinda stuff it triggers me

    mm the no GF speech can work i suppose?

    “im feeling kinda sad and off and under pressure dating exclusively… i dont want to put pressure on you and it would feel better for me to feel more secure that the guy im with is committed to his health and diet is important for me… im really anxious about this stuff and i dont want it to be a pressure on you.. it would feel better to take some pressure off as far as exclusivity and just date for awhile…”

    i feel unsure really as for me i would not be exclusive with a guy that is not shown me a ring and a concrete plan for a life together that i like in the first place?

    so my own speech would be about that

  351.  #352Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Love Actually,

    316 – That makes sense…I get you two mixed up, too. 🙂

  352.  #353Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Love Actually,

    309 – Yes, messages go into moderation when you change your name. So I would keep using your name AFTER submitting your new one, and keep checking back to see if it was sent thru. Then you can freely start using it.

    But if you like Love Actually, we will learn to tell the two of you apart.

  353.  #354Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 3:59 pm


    303 – I feel your pain…I know what it feels like to be in love with someone who is not well physically and who is addicted. It will become clear to you. Just follow your heart, and honor your heart, and take your time to process things at your pace. We are here for you.

    If you choose to stick it out, I will be here for you.

  354.  #355Daria on June 15, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    or just… im feeling just uncomfortable… i feel like im the one pushing for health as far as drinking and diet.. and i feel on eggshells all the time like seeing the pizza and coke bottle the toher day…

    it makes me feel like a control freak to monitor your diet and i dont want to feel that way… and i feel unsure if i can feel comfortable with a guy that is not all the way committed to health…

    itd feel better to take a step back right now … im still open to go out w u… but i dont want to be exclusive and i want to take it slow to see how im feeiling

  355.  #356ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Happy Birthday Gemini!! I hope you get a nice birthday surprise!

  356.  #357Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 4:03 pm


    299 – “i also don’t feel good with ‘honey’ and ‘sweetie’

    im practicing opening up to the ‘sweetie’ for now tho”

    I don’t mind honey and sweetie. But I like it better when K calls me creative names he makes up for me, like Streudle Noodle! 😉 I feel curious…what names do you like to be called?

    I think names we call each other for endearments are very important. My Mom used to “jokingly” call me not nice names. I didn’t think I minded it.

    But the more I got to a place of self healing and started to learn to love myself, the more I found how nice it felt to call myself loving names, like precious, baby, sweetheart, etc.

    The more I treat myself like I’m infinitely valuable, the more I treat others like they’re infinitely valuable.

  357.  #358Daria on June 15, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Yay Slippin Goddess!!!

  358.  #359ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    @325 Ella

    What I was trying to say is from your posts, I don’t think it’s your relationship you want out of. I think you really love your relationship with him. What I think is bothering you most of all, is what he is doing to himself. You love him so much and are worrying so much.

    I feel if you just stop…move away from his business, let him handle himself on his own, the dynamics may change. Don’t hover, don’t mother (I know it’s hard because you care so much) and see if he steps up to take care of things on his own. He may be feeling like you think he’s not man enough to handle things, you don’t trust him to, so then he figures why bother.

    Don’t give him that kind of attention. Give him the attention that will make him want to be healthy and live for what you have. You become the positive light in his life. Does that make any sense?

  359.  #360Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    I am finally home after my 1.5 hour commute. It is affecting my whole life. I have little relaxation time or time to do my housework. I feel concerned. I know myself…I cannot keep up this pace. Something will crash if I push myself. I need extra sleep, not less.

    I might just have to afford my own apartment up there. I might have to move when my lease ends in October. I don’t know. I don’t want to move. But 3 hours a day on the road is too much.

    I have so much to do tonight, just to prepare for a shore trip tomorrow with my friends. I need a pedicure, I need to shave, I need to get suntan lotion, I need to prepare stuff for the pets for being alone all day.

    I need to get a phone for my Mom and drive it to her, another hour. It probably won’t happen tonight, but not only is her power wheelchair broken, but now her phone is broken. It leaves her quite isolated.

    I wish I had time to swim in the bay. but at least I’ll be able to swim tomorrow.

    All i feel like doing is going to bed.

  360.  #361ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    @329 Gemini

    I think Venus is retrograde still, so that brings slowness to love.

  361.  #362Linda on June 15, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Hey Daria… thank you so much. You understood completely what was bugging me, took what I said and made it a really feminine expression of truth.

    ‘im feeling well, i feel good to hear from you and… i feel a bit uncomfortable to say this.. it feels a bit unromantic to be asked that way… i don’t wana feel all casual and guy pal… what do you think?”

    You are right, he was coming toward me and I dont think he is a cassanova. He asked my my hair color and eye color last night and I said brown and brown and he said “an ole plain Jane” ….can you say TRIGGER again! Especially after this last relationship.

    I know this is about me and not him and my stuff, but I felt it was a very uncomplimentary comment to make to say the least.

    THe reason Kiddo bothered me so much is that this last guy.. he stopped showing me physical affection and would only give me a type of “peck” kiss at hello and goodbye. If I lingered a bit during that brief time, he would allow only 2 or 3 kisses and them I could feel him pull his head back and body disconnect. So KIDDO meant more than a term of endearment to me because there were lots of other things NOT happening between us that could have made a fun bantor word.

    Again Daria Thanks! I will use it if this new guy contacts me again. Maybe I will even text it to him now, he did not seem to be an insensitive guy, I will give it a whirl and see how it goes.

    Linda 🙂


  362.  #363Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    345: Gemini

    Happy Birthday Gemini! And so much excitement for you to have your first year PHd under your belt – yeah!

    What is paint yourself with love?

  363.  #364Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    348: ReceivingGirl

    And How! 🙂

  364.  #365Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    353: Esteemed

    I kind of do feel attached to Love Actually – I love that movie as it depicts so many different aspects of love…sigh

    I will have to think about this…lol, something about me to focus on. 🙂

  365.  #366Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    346: Slippin’ Goddess

    I’m feeling all warm in my chest reading your post. I am so happy you feel good.

    I notice I am a little bit triggered by some statements that seem to be unique to the UK, like, “He’s not half pining” and “come round to mine”.

    SR uses terms like this all the time and it has been fun to learn about them and I think of him very endearingly around this…sigh. My favorite is doolalley (not sure of the spelling) but such a great, fun word. We used to tease each other because I could never quite say it right…

  366.  #367Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Thanks for today, I think alot of you got involved at one point haha 🙂
    We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

    You ladies rock!

  367.  #368Slippin' Goddess on June 15, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    366 Love Actually

    Aww, I guess my English-ness shines through sometimes 🙂
    I often forget a lot of you are in the States!

  368.  #369Daria on June 15, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    i feel turned on being called sweethart, babygirl, mami, sexy

    … and all kindsa other stuff hehe

  369.  #370Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 4:47 pm


    324 – Happy Birthday!!!!! And congratulations on finishing your first year at school for your PhD!

    There is really no advice for the man than to Circular Date. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. Chasing him by calling does nothing but push him away. How well I’ve learned that – believe me, no criticism here.

  370.  #371Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    I called my brother, who lives 10 min from my Mom, rather than 1 hour, like me, and asked if he can handle her phone situation. He sighed and said he’d see what he can do.

    I am thinking of giving myself my own pedicure and shaving, making a bit of a spa night at home for myself, rather than treating it like a chore, so I can do laundry and move in the sofa and do whatever else I need to do tonight before I drop exhausted in bed.

  371.  #372Starla on June 15, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Esteemed, this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but a 1.5 hour commute isn’t totally crazy. It’s on the longer side, but not actually all that much longer than mine (I ride public transit) has ever been. Could you use your commute time to enrich your life? Audio CDs/cassettes for learning things/self improvement/foreign languages…? Or your talk-to-text app to journal/write? Ooh, and you could try ayurvedic oil pulling while driving, since that takes freakin 20 minutes! ahhhh now i feel jealous of you having a car, cuz i can’t do oil pulling on the train, haha.

    And check craigslist for ride shares to that city, so that you don’t have to be doing all the driving, and can spend that time reading and relaxing.

    keep thinking outside of the box!! I believe if you stop looking for obstacles, solutions WILL appear!!

  372.  #373Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    368: Slippin’ Goddess

    I enjoy it very much despite being a little triggered.
    I hope to visit someday. My dad is from Liverpool area.

    I live on Vancouver Island in Canada

  373.  #374Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    368: Slippin’ Goddess

    Its kind of weird. SR actually uses his English-ness to support some of his arguments about himself, and while I have no doubt about this in the sense that culture plays a big role for all of us, I struggle with the narrow view he seems to have of women and drinking in particular.

    He tells me often that women and relationships are different in England. LOL. Apparently I am much more emotional and want to talk about our relationship much more than women in England – really, the whole of England. LOL

  374.  #375Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm


    372 – Thank you for such upbeat ideas! I feel real curious about oil pulling now, so I’ll be sure to look into it! Yes, I intended to listen to Rori’s CDs again and other instructional and inspirational CDs from the start. But so far I’ve been exploring different routes and concentrating on the GPS and maps. It’s complicated with all minor, windy, country roads. I think I found a good route today, tho.

    Yes, I want to make it productive time. It’s just that I feel unsettled because I have so much to do at home. I will deal.

    I think for tonight I will just bring in the “new” sofa off the deck and set it up with its cover to protect it from the dogs. Then I think I’ll go to bed and just handle shaving and toenails in the morning. I just am too exhausted to be up until 11 or 12.

  375.  #376Ella on June 15, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Thanks Ladies,

    Thanks Daria, Receiving Girl and Esteemed.

    Well he came back and we spoke and I just stayed in the moment and used FMs.

    And it turns out the pizza box and cola are old…

    And I do believe him… I don’t know, it was something in the way he told me… something in his eyes, his body language.

    I just believe him now.

    I feel bad and weird for being so up and down on here….

    For being so confused.

    I just find it so hard to trust and this whole thing feels tricky for me to navigate.

    But by staying open….

    So anyway we are kind of back to why *I* find it so hard to trust…

    Yes to focusing back on me.

    And not mothering.

    And all the other really helpful things you are suggesting for me.

    Thank You all.

  376.  #377ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    I’ve watered the garden, straightened up the house, signed Father’s Day and Graduation cards, got dolled up and Mr. Observant hasn’t called yet. He seemed to want to see me as much as I want to see him, so hopefully, the recital doesn’t go too late.

    I feel a little nervous about my phone. My service is lousy and yesterday when he called, my phone didn’t ring, it didn’t tell me I had a missed call and it didn’t notify me of a voice mail message. It was next to me the whole night. So, now I’m feeling a bit paranoid that he’s called and I didn’t know it because my service is lousy. I’m sure that’s not the case, but I’ve been worried that would happen since yesterday.

    I’m getting hungry, so I’m going eat something…just not sure what to have. Then, I think I will read my book.

  377.  #378Gemini on June 15, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Thank you for the birthday wishes and for the props on my school work!! 🙂 I feel warm and happy hearing that from you lovely ladies!

    Receiving Girl…oooh I forgot about venus retrograde, you’re so right….two more weeks then she turns direct and things spring forward (i always like to look back after the fact and see how things actually transpired lol)

    Love Actually…painting yourself with love is something I picked up from Rori’s newsletter I THINK!! i usually read her newsletters from bed in the morning, on my phone, so i’m half asleep and not keen on details….I think Rori described this as imagine painting yourself with love, and really focus on each aspect of yourself and how amazing you are, and slowly, focused and intentionally, appreciating your beauty and uniqueness as you visualize painting actual brush strokes of love on yourself…I love my eyes and how they allow me to see things clearly and connect with others, I love my arms and their strength and the support they provide when I hug my children, etc etc. I think that’s what it’s about, but don’t quote me lol!

    Esteemed: yep, you’re so right! he knows how to reach me! and unless i find out after the fact that he was in the hospital or something lol, hmmm…him not saying anything to me says oh so much! very informative. it’s just weird that he’s gone ghost on me so suddenly because he’s usually really good about contacting me. maybe the pressure of the birthday and thinking i have expectations wrapped up in that? who knows! i ain’t trippin. or at least i’m pretending i’m not, and surrounding myself with friends and family and good times, until i’m actually not 😉 thank you sirens, i feel supported and encouraged!

  378.  #379Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    378: Gemini

    Thanks! I will try that too.

  379.  #380Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    I guess my lil girl inside is whining because she’s tired. Awww, i love the weak parts of her.

    I just took photos of my new sofa…I’ll post them on Siren Island on Facebook! I like it a lot! it’s microfiber and so it’s soft, and it matches my other furniture! Now I can lay down in it while I watch tv and nuggle with my dogs!

  380.  #381Gemini on June 15, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Oh noooo communication breakdown burger!! (lol there’s a local restaurant that has a burger named that) soooo i was listening to my voicemails, which i hadn’t listened to since yesterday or day before…i can see missed calls, nothing important…and no calls from him. so i finally listened to them, and there’s a message from dude, sounding all dejected and depressed…saying “you must already be out running around, just seeing when i can pick up my stuff” huh???? ayyyy what a mess. sounds like phone issues, same as Receiving Girl…and sux that there’s a big old issue now because of technology 🙁

  381.  #382LoveAlways on June 15, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Tonight I am on a date with myself. I turned down a few guys to keep this date. I am having an absolutely fabulous time!!

  382.  #383Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    I’m especially happy about my new sofa because I have a 29 inch wide door, unusually narrow. I brought another sofa home from Craigslist and it didn’t fit. It was a lot of work for nothing. So i feel happy this fit. It had feet that screwed on that made it the right height, AFTER it was thru the door. Yay! I love my little dollhouse by the bay!

  383.  #384Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    I love this new sugar free drink called “Clear One”! It is just like soda but without the calories, and it tastes terrific! It comes in such flavors as orange, coconut pineapple, and peach.

  384.  #385Sunshine on June 15, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    feeling withdrawl..been two months since I called him and he said hed call back and never did… i feel anxious in my stomach but I also feel strong…atleast the desire to stop this nonsense is stronger than the feelings of missing him, I feel stronger and more will to atleast to stop doing. The more time passes the more angry I feel so much time wasted so much time waiting, he never really officially even made me his gfriend…so sad on Rori gfriend is settling for less and its crumbs, how sad I actually wasnt even worthy of that. I will continue to find myself, have peace with myself, and use that anger and resentment, turn it around for Fierceness!

  385.  #386Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 6:25 pm


    376 – You can blame me for not trusting. I fed your mind all sorts of fears. I wonder if it would have been better if I hadn’t done that.

  386.  #387ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    My ovulating pains sometimes bother me more than my period cramps.

  387.  #388LoveAlways on June 15, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    I didn’t completely lean back today, but I still practiced it well!

  388.  #389Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    382: LoveAlways

    I feel so much admiration reading this post.

    I am curious what other sirens to when they take themselves out on a date.

  389.  #390LoveAlways on June 15, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    Hi Love Actually.
    It’s one of the first times I planned it, looked forward to it, did not stray from it and then embraced it!!! It feels so good! I’m glad I committed to it.

  390.  #391LoveAlways on June 15, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Happy Birthday Gemini! Continued blessings!

  391.  #392Dede on June 15, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    “Stay away from all alcohol & drugs.
    It’s not present in most deep loving relationships that I’ve witnessed”………..these are very profound words – and the truth in them just jumps out at true

  392.  #393Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    390: LoveAlways

    Yay! Now I feel light and happy.


  393.  #394Love Actually on June 15, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    & inspired too! teehee

  394.  #395ReceivingGirl on June 15, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Boo…it’s already 9:30, I don’t think tonight is going to work out. 🙁

  395.  #396Heart on June 15, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Hi Sirens – check out this opening your heart practice

    “The intention of this practice is to dissolve restrictions of both around the physical heart center (of your chest, lun cage), and the symbolic heart center (which is associated sense of connection and compassion).”

    It felt great…! I felt so open and compassionate for 10 mins..aad then I went back to being normal again. That 10 mins was paradise.

  396.  #397Sunshine on June 15, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Linda, I can see by the other experiences how it triggered you when he said “hows it hanging” its really dull, boring, and buddy like. Now I know we shouldnt play “let me guess what hes thinking” and stick to how you feel, but I gotta throw in a theory about this. Sometimes I get the feeling that men when they are also a little afraid, hesitant with their feelings especially if they like you, can sometimes try to play it cool for their own ego. “how it hanging” can be a way to get your attention however safer than “hey beautiful” because if you dont respond it wont crush their soul lol…but seriously…anyway guess men can be sensitive too…thats my take on it

  397.  #398siren song on June 15, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    I feel super-weird. Guy who loves me is dating somebody, but sent me an email two days ago saying he loves me. And he called me 4 times the same day.

    I feel confused. And super-sad. I guess this is really the end. Oh well.

  398.  #399Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Siren Song,

    398 – His actions seem to say he has feelings for you. I wonder why you say you guess this is really the end?

  399.  #400Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    I woke up coughing uncontrollably. I don’t know what’s up with that. I don’t have a cold. I admit I have been eating too much dairy products, but wow, I don’t like this at all.

  400.  #401siren song on June 15, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    He told me he didn’t want a life with me. I felt really sad hearing that. But he emails, calls, texts and is always so angry about cding. I feel worn down.

  401.  #402Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    I am using feeling messages currently with Yorky. I woke up to a text from him after not hearing from him for over a day. I don’t know, perhaps I shouldn’t have asked him for advice regarding the negotiation for my job.

    He said sure, then said I could call him after he got home. How was I to know when he got home if he didn’t let me know?

    The next day after 11 am, he texted, “Just let me know when”

    B: The employment agency will be calling me today at 5. Do you have a few minutes to talk sometime before then?

    Nothing. This is the first I heard from him since Thursday morning, and it is after midnight on Friday. At 11:20 pm Friday,

    he texted: You didn’t call me.

    B: That feels weird. I feel off balance in my efforts to communicate with you.

    Y: Why?

    B: I like two way communication. I like it when yes means yes and no means no. I feel uncomfortable, and I don’t want to feel that way with you.

    5 minutes later….

    B: What do you think?

    That was 5 minutes ago. This is an isolated weird feeling moment. This is par for the course with this man. I wonder if he is used to women chasing him and doing all the work, because he is rich.

    For me, lesson learned. If it was inappropriate to ask job advice from a CD I don’t know that well, I’ll make a mental note to not do that again. But he could have said, “Sorry, I am uncomfortable mixing business and pleasure” or something to that effect. But when someone says sure, it sets up an expectation.

    I feel so secure being equipped with feeling messages. In the past, I would have gone into a long oration about how bad he is treating me.

    Now I just state my feelings simply and let it drop. Bomb!

    What are you going to do about it? I didn’t push or demand for him to call me about my job situation. In the past I would have hounded him. And if he didn’t respond, I would have gone off in a huff.

    LOL, it is now 10 minutes later, and he just texted, “I feel easy.”

    B: What do you mean?

  402.  #403Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    I meant to say, ” This is NOT an isolated weird feeling moment.”

  403.  #404Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    LOL, I feel almost sure that he is used to a woman running off at the mouth when she feels annoyed with him! Because I feel very annoyed. I feel myself biting my tongue, as it were, to not spew my frustration and irritation with his irritating communication style.

    I do NOT need to be awake. I need lots of sleep. I was not ready to wake up. But I have a cough drop in my mouth and thank God for cough drops, LOL! It totally calmed down the out-of-nowhere coughing spell.

  404.  #405Starla on June 15, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    receiving girl,
    methinks you are worrying too much about this one particular cd and whether your phone is working and all that. actually, it’s classic over-obsessed woman behavior to fuss over whether her phone service is working. i’ve seen it used as a classic example in various movies and relationship self-help literature.

    but mostly you seem to be doing amazing and taking really great care of yourself, too!

  405.  #406Radiant Rising on June 15, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Spoke to loverboy, and he said this: “I am humbled to even know you. You are so much more than I deserve. ”

    I feel so overwhelmed, overcome and swept away. Tomorrow is my father’s birthday, and Sunday is the anniversary of his passing, and father’s day fell on the same day. My emotions are so very raw. I feel like just floating and crying. I want to sit on my father’s lap and tell him about loverboy. I want to rest my head on loverboy’s chest and tell him about my daddy.

  406.  #407Radiant Rising on June 15, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Spoke to loverboy, and he said this: “I am humbled to even know you. You are so much more than I deserve. ”

    I feel so overwhelmed, overcome and swept away. Tomorrow is my father’s birthday, and Sunday is the anniversary of his passing, and father’s day fell on the same day. My emotions are so very raw. I feel like just floating and crying. I want to sit on my father’s lap and tell him about loverboy. I want to rest my head on loverboy’s chest and tell him about my daddy.

  407.  #408Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    {{{Radiant Rising}}}

    How I wish you could have your Daddy back.

    I feel glad you have Lover Boy!

  408.  #409Starla on June 15, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    ladies! i forgot to share something amazing! on fridays my trainer is measuring my progress, first against myself and then against what HE can do. And i outpaced him today in kickboxing combos! I can do two more combos (knee, knee, elbow, elbow, hook punch) than he can in 90 seconds! bwahahaha i am going to beat him up one day:P

    i amaze myself. i think i can do ANYTHING i put my mind to.

  409.  #410Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    Yorkie never got back to me. LOL, I feel so proud of myself for handling it under control and with the power of feeling messages. I feel ok just letting it drop and letting him pick it up.

    If only I could be so under control with R, LOL.

    Baby steps, Bren

  410.  #411Esteemed on June 15, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Going back to bed.

    I talked too much and too loudly when I went out to lunch with some of my new coworkers. That feels like nervousness.

    Lean back, deep breath, hand over mouth.

    I love you! I love me! I love all of us! Just the way we are!

  411.  #412Slippin' Goddess on June 16, 2012 at 1:47 am

    I feel a little bit pissed when I actually think about the situation today.
    He usually has his child every other weekend and during the week but on our weekends together when we’ve had plans lately he’s had a call from his ex and just cancel with me and left to go have his child. It doesn’t make me feel good and that, as well as everything else (working hours, drugs), has left me feeling like we don’t get quality time together any more.

    This weekend is his weekend to have his child all weekend. His friends are going mountain biking so he hasn’t bothered working and he’s even cancelled picking his child. I’m sure that went down well.

    Thing is, it kind of again shows me that he can cancel work, child etc.. to go do something with his friends (use that term lightly haha) but with me he has to let me down even when we have something planned and it isn’t really his planned weekend. Its great that he’s getting out, exercising etc.. Ahh maybe I’m just reading too much into it but nevertheless.. it doesn’t feel great.

    I feel like shouting..


    Sorry, just writing my thoughts so they don’t come out in real life.. 🙂

  412.  #413Daria on June 16, 2012 at 2:35 am

    Heart – thank you for the Heart breathing it feels so comfy!

  413.  #414Slippin' Goddess on June 16, 2012 at 2:52 am

    Guess I have to stop making myself so available so he has to ‘plan’ for me too or lose out. Plus if he lets me down, I just go home. I’m sure he’ll learn not too. Same with the drugs. Boundaries.

  414.  #415Daria on June 16, 2012 at 3:17 am

    yes ! i did it! i have confidence! im saying what i dont want!


    and im not pushing him away cuz i feel attracted



  415.  #416Daria on June 16, 2012 at 3:23 am

    Slippin Goddess – “and knowing is half teh journey” gi goddess

  416.  #417Daria on June 16, 2012 at 3:27 am

    soo i wanna calm down and im feelin panicked still, about feeling guilty of standing some up for others – tho im not realy standing anyone up

    just scheduling omg and worried ill make some feel not special or respected and theyll LEAVE

    and really i want to just relax and have one pick me up strait from the car of the other ones

    i know my social butterfly gfs have no probs with that

    im practicing

    i feel guilty

    and uptight like scared

    i can relax n be open w them

    like i was w this one calling all late

    no nightcaps

    nope not the second time either


    ur gonna have to be patient

    he winds up saying

    “i dont mind workign for it” awwwww

    that felt like such a turn on


    im winning im wiinning

    and this is a cutie!


    and it was all thru me saying i feel hungry i dont want tacobelll


    i thought he may be cheap but it was all in my requirements


    just no BLAMING them omg that works so well

  417.  #418Daria on June 16, 2012 at 3:30 am

    even prevalentines cd that i had sex w pre valentines called today and we dispelled a lot of the resentment feeling between us by my saying wat i dont want as far as dating and how id feel like a loser coming back by myself awwwww

    and he understood awww

    i felt got and honored

    awww me

    and i also still said i would spot us 8 bucks if he returnes it lol

    it felt amusing and yet i felt open to that and also told him id respect him more if he handles it lol

    omg i feel so good about myself feeling so straightforward with men and just ASSUMING they can take care of stuff yay!

    and that htey want to and want to massage me yay

  418.  #419Daria on June 16, 2012 at 3:35 am

    btw “im not that kinda girl” or

    “im the kinda girl who ”

    really seems to work and be heard

  419.  #420Daria on June 16, 2012 at 3:40 am

    they are so cute : “you called me babe i like it”

  420.  #421Daria on June 16, 2012 at 3:41 am

    he likes that i called him babe

  421.  #422Esteemed on June 16, 2012 at 3:53 am

    I find myself feeling bored with Yorkie.

  422.  #423Ella on June 16, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Sirens talking of crazy hair… I have posted a pic of me with crazy hair going on here:

    Its at the bottom of the page.

  423.  #424Ella on June 16, 2012 at 4:05 am

    I have decided to change my name from now of for personal posts.

    I will use this one for everday posts, and have a different blog name for posts about personal stuff.

    This is in case any of my clients come here… it feels more professional.

  424.  #425Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 4:10 am

    Slippin Goddess it seems you could learn a lot about yourself if you read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, Check your local library. When you learn with yours is you could say to him “I am the kinda girl who needs quality time together to feel really loved and when I don’t get it I feel like a loser. I feel embarassed asking for it because I feel afraid that the answer will be no” or something like that.

  425.  #426Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 4:14 am

    Ella this morning I woke up with the thought I wonder if somewhere deep inside Ella believes MWC is not good enough for her and is rejecting him? It left me questioning whether the issue truly is trust. I am bringing it back to myself to see what I am thinking about me deep inside.

  426.  #427Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 4:20 am

    aaawww Radiant Rising I feel like crying.

  427.  #428Daria on June 16, 2012 at 4:20 am

    “And I know that what you want to do when you feel the onslaught of an attack or an assault from a man – even if it’s not on purpose, and even if it’s just something negligent that he’s not doing – is to attack him back or to run.

    And if you can’t attack him because it’s just not in your nature, and you don’t want to run – because you want to “discuss things” and have a happy ending to this situation – what can happen is we just “freeze” in place.

    That means we go numb. We go blank. Can’t feel a thing. We don’t know what we’re doing. And this is okay, too!”

  428.  #429Esteemed on June 16, 2012 at 4:23 am


    423 – That is some wild, crazy hair! I love the way you look in that red dress!

    Is the man with you the same as the one you are telling us about?

  429.  #430Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 4:28 am


    Your hair reminds me of mine when I let it grow.

    Except I ♥ yours but I hate mine. 🙁

  430.  #431Daria on June 16, 2012 at 4:30 am

    i used the “i feel embarassed to ask for it cuz im afraid th answer will be no ‘ type of script today!

    i have been doing really well sticking with feeling messages

    now i just want to reduce my anxiety around setting dates and mixing up men

  431.  #432Daria on June 16, 2012 at 4:34 am

    i dont want them to see me with other men or find out about other men and i get so tense about it

    and i feel turned off of myself for dating multiple men, i judge myself

    i dont want to do this

    a part of my being already knows i no longer need to judge myself for dating multiple men

    omg i feel such a mind shift and attitude shift

    of COURSE its good for me to date multiple men, im a serious girl wanting to get married, i need to meet people!

  432.  #433Tam on June 16, 2012 at 4:36 am

    @ Ella, you look lovely!
    Off to town to meet Bald CD, he has come through and cheers me up….wish me luck.
    The fb antics died with me saying that I am fantasizing about one of the German footballers (he is very cute), Mr U did not comment anymore – I can feel the angry vibes all the way from Florida…hahaha. So what? He always used to talk about this woman and that ‘beautiful’ woman – I can fantasize about whomever I want 🙂
    and he just wants to be ‘friends’ , in any case 🙂

    I think this is 12 days no ‘real’ contact. It’s getting easier, and I won’t be joining in on any of our friends fb antics, only stuff that he is unlikely to see/comment on. No contact. 🙂

    Have a good day everybody..

  433.  #434Daria on June 16, 2012 at 4:42 am

    my energy work is back in full loveliness

  434.  #435Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 4:42 am

    Tam I sense a slight edge of competitiveness. This could be masculine energy.

  435.  #436Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 4:43 am

    Isn’t coconut water supposed to be white?

    The one I got is kind of yellow, sort of like beer.


  436.  #437Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 4:44 am

    And the taste is…well…not so nice. 🙁

  437.  #438Tam on June 16, 2012 at 4:46 am

    @FW – competitiveness? what exactly?

  438.  #439Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 4:46 am

    It is gone bad rancid

  439.  #440Daria on June 16, 2012 at 4:47 am

    ohhh one guy i had contacted that im coming to Florida I now see that he actually had commented on me coming to florida first!


  440.  #441Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 4:48 am

    The way you talk about him talking about women kinda making you entitled to fantasize. It really has nothing to do with him.

  441.  #442Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 4:49 am

    FW, it’s supposed to be good until Feb. 2013.

    It’s “Coco Libre”.

    It really doesn’t taste like coconut water out of a real coconut.

  442.  #443Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 4:51 am

    I think I’ll get a real coconut and smash it on my door step like you do, FW.

  443.  #444Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 4:52 am

    I’ve never had Coco Libre Francesca but I know coconut water should be clear fluid. I have ones in cans, bottles and boxes. I prefer to drink the real one.

  444.  #445Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 4:53 am

    I have “seen” ones in cans etc

  445.  #446Esteemed on June 16, 2012 at 4:54 am


    431 – “now i just want to reduce my anxiety around setting dates and mixing up men”

    What a Sireny problem, LOL! I keep mine straight by saving their number in my phone. Sometimes I might write, “Rob Philly 43” or something to that effect to jog my memory on his age and location, so I remember which one it is.

  446.  #447Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 4:55 am

    We also have the young ones here in NYC. Many supermarkets and fruit vendors carry them.

  447.  #448Esteemed on June 16, 2012 at 4:57 am


    436 – I don’t like coconut water. it is clear or yellowish and is yucky to me. I like coconut MILK. I found out the hard way that there is a difference after I bought about 20 cans of coconut water on sale. Grrr! I ended up giving it to a friend who liked it.

    I also watch to get coconut milk that is unsweetened. I use it in smoothies with a banana, ice, orange juice, and sometimes other fruit.

  448.  #449Tam on June 16, 2012 at 5:02 am

    FW, true, yes, because I can fantasize about whom I want, I just noticed that he did not like me commenting on the footballer, it wound him up. As he said ‘oh bet he knows how to get a leg-over’ as in knows how to get laid. That was directed at me. And after him saying ‘we’ll just be friends’, I just had to laugh, since he has often implied that he doesn’t ‘get sex’ from me and feels like I dangle a carrot in front of his face. When in reality, I said that I would like to be in a relationship before physical intimacy – and he did not want a relationship.
    When I say a footballer is a hottie and he leaves a comment as if he is in a huff about that, implying I’d sleep with the footballer but not with him then I find that funny..and yes, I had to think back on the way he talks about women…I just feel entitlement to say whatever I want without being judged…I guess. Yes, a little bit of competitiveness perhaps. Hm. Let me think 🙂

  449.  #450Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 5:06 am


    Yucky, you say?

    It tastes like something that shouldn’t even exist.

  450.  #451Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Brushing my teeth and feeling so much better.

    Esteemed, my stomach can’t stomach coconut milk.

    I keep burping.

  451.  #452Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 5:17 am

    Leaving a Relationship

    Leaving a long-term relationship is hard but a necessary step to receiving what you want in your life.

    One of the hardest decisions we ever make in life is leaving a long-term relationship that just isn’t working. When attempts at repairing and working out issues aren’t working, it may be time to examine moving on. We are emotional creatures, and when our heartstrings are tied to those of another, separating from that person can feel like an act of courage. It is not something most of us will take lightly, and many of us will struggle with our desire to stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling simply in order to avoid that pain. We may question whether the happiness we seek even exists, and we may wonder if we might be wiser to simply settle where we are, making the best of what we have.

    On the one hand, we almost relish the idea that true happiness is not out there so that we can avoid the pain of change. On the other hand, we feel within ourselves a yearning to fulfill our desire for relationships that are vital and healing. Ultimately, most of us will follow this call, because deep within ourselves we know that we deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy, no matter where we find ourselves in this moment, and we are all justified in moving, like plants toward the light, in the direction that leads to our greatest fulfillment. First, though, we may need to summon the courage to move on from the relationship that appears to be holding us back.

    Taking the first steps will be hard, but the happiness we find when we have freed ourselves from a situation that is draining our energy will outshine any hardship we undergo to get there. Keeping our eyes trained on the horizon, we begin the work of disentangling ourselves from the relationship that no longer fits. Every step brings us closer to a relationship that will work, and the freedom we need to find the happiness we deserve.

  452.  #453Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 5:19 am

    Giving Away Power

    We can avoid giving away our power on a daily basis by listening to our own voice of knowing.

    In many ways, we are taught from the time we are children to give away our power to others. When we were told to kiss and hug relatives or friends of the family when we didn’t want to, for example, we were learning to override our inner sense of knowing and our right to determine for ourselves what we want to do. This repression continued, most likely, in many experiences at school and in situations at work. At this point, we may not even know how to hold on to our power, because giving it away is so automatic and ingrained.

    To some degree, giving our energy to other people is simply part of the social contract, and we feel that we have to do it in order to survive. It is possible to exchange energy in a way that preserves our inner integrity and stability. This begins in a small way: by listening to the voice that continues to let us know what we want, no matter how many times we override its messages.

    Other examples of how we give away our power are buying into trends, letting other people always make decisions for us, not voting, and not voicing an opinion when an inappropriate joke is made. But with not giving our power away we must also be aware of the opposite side, which is standing in our power but being aggressive. Being aggressive is a form of fear, and the remedy is to let our inner balance come back into play.

    As we build a relationship with our power, and follow it, we begin to see that we don’t always have to do what we’re being asked to do by others, and we don’t have to jump on every trend. All we have to do is have the confidence to listen to our own voice and let it guide us as we make our own decisions in life and remember the necessity for balance.

  453.  #454Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Francesca a good coconut can have refreshing, cool, sweet water. That what it tastes like directly from the husk. When you buy it off the shelf you have to wonder about it being rancid as well as preservative. Believe me the girls from the islands will tell you nothing is more refreshing or hydrating. Just 2 weeks ago I got one from a street vendor that reminded me of my childhood. It was so filled with that sweet refreshing water aaaaahhhh. Now I have to go get one today.

  454.  #455Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 5:55 am

    I know, FW, I remember drinking it when I was young, fresh from the husk.

    It tasted so good, nothing like the one I got (and threw out, btw).

    I keep wondering though…how do you keep the water from leaking out when you break it on your door step?

  455.  #456Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Skill girl. kidding. I knock it slowly slowly and keep watching for cracks. Then I try to drain through the crack and keep knocking if need be. Just bear in mind that this is the dry one, I use those as snacking on the nut(flesh). The street vendor is where I get the green ones.

  456.  #457Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 6:08 am

  457.  #458Starla on June 16, 2012 at 6:16 am

    I feel so sad and down:( I really miss CF. And I feel very compelled to try to contact him today to get him to talk to me. But the more I read and learn about the silent treatment, the more I realize that it’s a form of emotional abuse and I should be glad to be out of that situation.

    I am learning that there’s a difference between saying you need space/silence and what he’s doing:

    “No Contact is used by the dumpee as a tool to help you detach and heal from a situation that isn’t good for you.

    The silent treatment is used by the dumper as a manipulation tactic. A form of emotional abuse whereby a partner uses it to make you feel devalued, unimportant, absent from their thoughts. That in turn causes turmoil and confusion in the other person’s mental and emotional thinking. It’s a form of control.”

    The rough thing is that I don’t think he realizes this when he does it, but he does take this tactic with some frequency in his life, and he’d probably deny it. He has a suffered a lot of emotional abuse in his life from his parents (and his mother has disowned TWO of his siblings, one just last Christmas), and he’s sadly passing it on.

    I wonder if he’ll ever realize. But I shouldn’t worry so much about him. I just can’t help it. I care for him so much.

    And here I am, being given treatment that feels really bad to ME, but worrying about HIM.


    At least I am learning to shake off all my old remnants of emotionally abusive behavior. He might be clueless, but I am using this situation to heal a lifetime of pain and suffering. A whole lifetime:)

    I’m finding that my physical fighting training is really taking a lot of the wind out of those sails! It is oddly giving me an emotional objectivity that almost slows down time giving me space and time to choose my words.

    And I get an odd satisfaction in learning more about what’s driving CF’s behavior right now, because in a way, it is a response to feelings of love. And I know that at least he loves me. How sick is that? haha. I dunno. Must be my ego trying to come to terms with rejection.

    Lots of love and forgiveness to me.

  458.  #459Tam on June 16, 2012 at 6:23 am


  459.  #460Starla on June 16, 2012 at 6:25 am

    C20 coconut water is a good brand.

    I’ve had some dirty gross tasting coconut water too. I stick to my two brands. I can’t remember the other brand name. It’s a guy and a girl’s name, organic.

  460.  #461Starla on June 16, 2012 at 6:26 am

    Ella, we have the same hair!! <3

    What products do you use to get those pretty, glossy curls from it?

  461.  #462Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Starla I don’t think it is sick. Our pain and pleasure sensors are right next to each other in our brains, is what I have learned.

  462.  #463Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Carol Allen

    Having opinions, knowing what you want and not being afraid to ask for it is attractive – and it tells a man that you value yourself, and expect and deserve good treatment.

    It communicates strength, confidence and high status. And men LOVE it!

    Best of all, when you tell a man what you want, you set him up to be able to do something he REALLY wants to do – MAKE YOU HAPPY.

    You see, when a man can make you happy he gets to feel like he’s your hero – and like he’s a great man.

    This has the AMAZING result of making him want to do what you want over and over again… making you happy all the time and making him feel like your hero all the time!

    This is one of the all-time most important things to understand about men:

    When he feels like he’s made you happy, he’s happy.

    And a happy man will want to stick around and keep making you happy.

    But an unhappy one won’t…

    So, one of the easiest ways to keep a man around is to show him that he makes you happy.

    And one of the easiest ways to LOSE a man is to show him that he doesn’t.

    It sounds so simple, but so many women don’t understand this, and instead BLOCK their man from doing what he most wants to do.

  463.  #464Love Actually on June 16, 2012 at 6:59 am

    395: ReceivingGirl

    I feel kind of worried too imagining that you got all ready to have him call/come over and then he didn’t. I haven’t read all through the new posts so don’t know if you heard from Mr. Observant, and I wonder how you feel about CD’ing and if you are…

    I’m pretty sure my feelings are coming from my tendency to feel pulled by a man who needs support and my currently aching heart, so just ignore if they don’t apply for you.


  464.  #465Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Top 10 beverages that CAUSE flab (Article)

    With swimsuit season upon us, I wanted to remind you that certain drinks will add gobs of greasy blubber to your body.

    What’s more, an easy way to zap a few pounds before summer is to simply avoid my top 10 worst drinks of summer… actually there’s 11, but who’s counting. =)

    Make sure when you are looking the nutrition facts panel on drinks, you look at servings per container because the labels are very tricky to read.

    #1: Vitamin Water says it only has 13 grams (g) of sugar. However, there are 2.5 servings per container. So there are 32g of sugar in one 20 oz. bottle of Vitamin Water.

    #2: Welch’s 100% Grape Juice says there is no added sugar but when you look on the label–just 8 oz., only about half of what somebody will drink in a glass of juice–has a whopping 39g of sugar. Even worse, it is fructose, which is a kind of sugar that is easily converted to belly fat.

    #3: Coca Cola’s second ingredient is high fructose corn syrup and just 8 oz. has 27g of sugar. Now I don’t mean to pick on Coke, most other soft drink brands are just as bad. Don’t forget that most soft drinks also contain a hefty amount of caffeine so you keep drinking more and more.

    #4: Amp Energy Elevate contains 29g of sugar per 8 oz. and there are two servings, 16 oz., in the can shown in this picture. That means that you are getting nearly 60g of sugar in just one can.

    #5: This Sobe Cranberry Grapefruit flavored beverage has 26g of sugar per 8 oz., and the bottle shown here is 2.5 servings, meaning that you are getting over 60g of sugar if you were to sit down and drink this product. Keep in mind that 4g of sugar equals one teaspoon. Would you dump 15 teaspoons of sugar into a glass of water and drink it?

    #6: If you drink Rockstar Energy Drink, you are certainly not going to look like a chiseled rock star, you are going to look like an overweight couch potato. Each can of Rockstar Energy Drink contains 62g of sugar.

    #7: I was shocked to find out that Gatorade contains high fructose corn syrup as its second ingredient and to think that they market this product towards athletes. What athletes really need is an abundance of fresh water and healthy high nutrient foods to replenish their bodies.

    #8: What’s more, Tropicana’s cranberry juice beverage contains high fructose corn syrup and 32g of sugar per 8 fluid ounces.

    #9: Starbucks Doubleshot Energy plus Coffee has two servings per container with each serving containing 14g of sugar. This means that a can of this “coffee” drink contains 28g of sugar.

    #10: Jose Cuervo Margarita Mix is loaded with high fructose corn syrup. Keep in mind, the average “small” margarita weighs in at a huge 400 calories!

    #11: Mr. and Mrs. T Sweet and Sour Mix has high fructose corn syrup as the second ingredient. Yet another reason why mixed drinks are hazardous to your waistline.

    Remember, eating sugar causes body fat because sugar converts to blubber in your body. So avoid sugar for a flat stomach.


    Coach Josh

  465.  #466Love Actually on June 16, 2012 at 7:04 am

    401: siren song

    I can so relate to your feelings…

    SR doesn’t/can’t want to be committed to me and he still keeps calling and talking about doing things together, although never quite getting to doing them.

    I am exploring what it might feel like to be his friend and I feel tentative because I know my feelings for him are still too strong and I will end up hurting myself AGAIN. Especially if he starts to see someone else.

    I don’t know your history with this fellow, but I’m sending you lots of love and strength to feel great and positive and enjoy CD’ing (wishing for both of us).

  466.  #467Love Actually on June 16, 2012 at 7:05 am

    (((((406: Radiant Rising)))))

  467.  #468Love Actually on June 16, 2012 at 7:15 am

    412: Slippin’ Goddess

    I feel kind of sad reading this.
    I feel happy for your clarity.
    I feel nervous posting today.

    This kind of thing is really triggering for me too. When SR said ‘I need space because I don’t have time to see you as much with all the hours I need to put into the business’ and then he has time to go to the bar – I just felt so mad!

    When I have moments I’m able to step back, I realize I don’t want a man who needs to go to the bar all the time to relax, I want a man who enjoys being with me too.

  468.  #469Love Actually on June 16, 2012 at 7:24 am

    452: Francesca

    Ohhhhh, I feel weird in my stomach reading this and a little scared and anxious…

    I feel afraid to let SR go completely (even it is just in my heart)

  469.  #470Starla on June 16, 2012 at 7:26 am

    I goofed and bought a Groupon back in March for my dentist that was actually for new customers only. So I wrote Groupon and asked for a refund, and they said no and that I should have read the fine print. So I wrote back and said pretty please, and they issued the refund. 🙂

  470.  #471Love Actually on June 16, 2012 at 7:26 am

    I feel afraid of being alone – wow, I was alone for over 10 years and didn’t feel bad about it or myself. I was a little lonely sometimes, but didn’t notice it a lot. now I just feel so acutely lonely.

    I feel afraid my life won’t be successful. I won’t find a job. I won’t be able to keep my health.

    Aggg. i just feel afraid – A LOT.

    I wonder if i’m hanging on to SR to stave off that feeling a little bit.

  471.  #472Starla on June 16, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Francesca, did I miss what happened with your guy? Are yall still together?

  472.  #473Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 7:31 am

    What to Say When he Leaves You Speechless

    Here are some tips about how to get started telling a man the total truth of exactly how you feel – no matter how afraid you are:

    1. Let Yourself Shake

    Instead of trying to hold yourself in and be all poised and put together, just let your body sort of fall apart!

    Ever Wished You Could Take Back What You Said?

    If you’ve ever found yourself completely stumped when a man says or does something shocking, neglectful, insensitive, or even abusive – I know how you feel.

    You stand there with your mouth open and feel like you don’t know what to say or do. And so you stammer out something that feels like an explanation or defense – and you don’t have to do that!

    You can learn the secret to how to handle nearly any situation with a man – no matter how tough the situation is – with my new Love Scripts how confident knowing exactly what to say to a man can make you feel, and how much better he starts to treat you as soon as you do

    And even more – let HIM see you shake!

    I know this sounds really scary. I know it seems like the opposite of what you’re “supposed” to do. And the first few times you try it, you’re going to feel shaky.

    But the absolutely most charming, disarming, and confident thing you can do when you don’t know what to do is to just let yourself be. When a man sees you really feeling your emotions, he becomes absolutely mesmerized by you because the feminine feeling self is so foreign to him in the first place.

    2. Put Your Hand On Your Stomach

    Allow your tummy to relax against your hand – lean into it, allow your hand to comfort you and soften the stiffness.

    I know we’re all so used to holding in our tummies, and trying to stand up tall and look slender and fit, but right now what you want to do is let it go.

    And I know that what you want to do when you feel the onslaught of an attack or an assault from a man – even if it’s not on purpose, and even if it’s just something negligent that he’s not doing – is to attack him back or to run.

    And if you can’t attack him because it’s just not in your nature, and you don’t want to run – because you want to “discuss things” and have a happy ending to this situation – what can happen is we just “freeze” in place.

    That means we go numb. We go blank. Can’t feel a thing. We don’t know what we’re doing. And this is okay, too!

    By putting your hand on your stomach, you’re telling yourself that you’re okay. You’re giving yourself some love and comfort and telling yourself that however you’re feeling right now is okay.

    You’re also giving yourself a much-needed “pause” to collect yourself and speak from a more authentic place.

    3. Say “Okay.”

    “Okay” means you’re listening. It means you are not going to expend precious energy to fight with him. “Okay” means you are taking care of yourself by turning that attention back on to you.

    What’s even better is if you’re always prepared with a good “script” for any situation so that you don’t get caught off guard and say something that might put more distance between you and him.

    You can start doing this now by thinking about a moment when your man did or said or didn’t do or didn’t say something, and it felt really upsetting to you.

    Imagine that situation and write down some ideas. Great ideas would be “I feel upset,” or “I don’t know what to say,” or “You’re right,” or “That feels bad.”

    Even better, you’ll find everything you need to say to a man in my new Love Scripts program. If he’s doing something that’s really upsetting you, you’ll find the answer in the program. If you’ve been stuffing down your feelings for a long time and don’t know how to ask them for what you really want, you’ll find it in Love Scripts.

    Get Him To Really Hear You
    And now – here’s Step #4:

    4. Take A Breath, Shake Out Your Arms, And Say Your Prepared “Speech”

    Say exactly the words you’ve learned from Love Scripts, or walk away into another room (or the bathroom if you’re in a restaurant or party) for a minute so you can use the Tools in Love Scripts to write your own speech.

    For now, just start with the words “I feel…” and that will be a great start for you.

    But the faster you can learn the exact words, and can “translate” your instinctive words that don’t work into Love Scripts words that DO work, the faster things will change for you.

    Try these 4 steps and let me know how they work for you.

    Love, Rori

  473.  #474Starla on June 16, 2012 at 7:33 am

    ((((((((((((((((((Love ACTUALLY))))))))))))))))))

  474.  #475ReceivingGirl on June 16, 2012 at 7:39 am

    @405 Starla

    My phone service has really been a problem for me and not just with him. I haven’t received texts or phone calls. I have no bars or 1 bar and I constantly drop calls. I’m going today to switch services. It’s my location, it’s bad for mobile service, but this company has been the worst so far. I’ve only had it about 2 months. The first 30 days was ok, no worse than others, but after I couldn’t return the phone anymore and they issued an update, it’s gone really downhill. I’ve tried out 4 services this past year.

    Yes, I am worried about this CD. It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him. Things have been so off with his bipolar, now he’s getting back to where he was, but I don’t think he’s fully back and I just want to see for myself that he’s ok. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced someone you care about becoming delusional while on medication, talking crazy stuff, but it’s very unsettling. It causes me great concern. I want to interact with him in person. It will calm my nerves and worries. I don’t feel bad for feeling that.

  475.  #477ReceivingGirl on June 16, 2012 at 7:41 am

    (((Radiant Rising)))

  476.  #478Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Just heard something

    “when we get to a place where we know no one, we are truly ourselves”.

    If that is really true Dr. Paul’s advice about going alone to new places, new restaurants etc. could really build our feminine instincts

  477.  #479Starla on June 16, 2012 at 7:44 am

    ((((((((((((((Receiving Girl))))))))))))))))))))))

  478.  #480Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Starla @472

    Yes, we’re still together.

    He left last Sunday to go to work, though.

    I don’t think we’ll see each other for at least a month.

  479.  #481Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 8:03 am

    I’m feeling weird here.”

    Pause (give him a chance to care and ask you
    what that’s about…).

    “I’m feeling unheard.”


    “I don’t feel important here, the listening
    feels very lopsided, and though I’m enjoying your
    stories and hearing about you, I’m starting to
    feel like a ‘listening girl’ and not like a
    person. What do you think?”


  480.  #482Starla on June 16, 2012 at 8:07 am

    thx for bringing me up to speed, francesca!

  481.  #483Love Actually on June 16, 2012 at 8:08 am

    474: Starla

    Thanks Starla.

    I feel held.
    I feel weepy. Why is it I feel like crying whenever someone shows me tenderness???

    I think this is partially why I am afraid to start CD’ing. I’m afraid I might just burst into tears right in front of them and then not have a clue what to say. I’m afraid if I say I feel sad that they will not want to be around a sad person.

    I know I have not been totally honest with FM with SR. I notice that I still am reacting out of fear. Fear of his anger, fear of him not calling, fear of my anger, fear of losing him for good, fear of seeing even more clearly that I am not serving myself by continuing to talk to him. UGGG!

    Yesterday afternoon and through the evening was the first time I didn’t check my phone to see if he had called. I have not called him in months and he calls all the time, and I check the phone constantly to see if I have missed his call. Yesterday I decided not to. I often feel disappointed if he hasn’t called. Sigh.

  482.  #484Love Actually on June 16, 2012 at 8:15 am

    478: Femininewoman

    “when we get to a place where we know no one, we are truly ourselves”.

    I feel a little confused…sometimes when I am somewhere by myself I feel self conscious and not sure if I am truly myself.

    The other thing that came to mind when I first read this is that perhaps it means where we know no one in a less physical, more esoteric (not sure if that is the right word) way…I mean that we realize that we really truly can not know someone totally…well, especially considering that so many of us, if not all, don’t even really know ourselves.

    I feel curious

  483.  #485Starla on June 16, 2012 at 8:18 am


  484.  #486Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Thanks for asking, Starla! 🙂

  485.  #487Dancing Siren on June 16, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Ok, new name.

    FW re 426

    I was asking myself the same thing yesterday… and asking myself to be really brave an honest in facing the truth.

    Which is that there is a part of me that has been asking that question, and a part of me that thinks no…

    And that I don’t want to face that so I have been having all sorts of other issues covering up that feeling.

    Cus I feel bad having that doubt… cus he is unwell (he has crohn’s disease) and it is not nice to reject someone who is unwell.

    Also he is so nice to me…

    But then I decided NO, I am going to be brave, and totally honest and truthful.

    And so when he came home he immediately sat down next to me and I was kinda leaning back, doing my own thing.

    And then he was asking if I was ok.

    And what came out is that I felt unsure.

    And I kept my FMs short and I said ‘I don’t know’ quite a lot when he was asking me stuff.

    And he kept asking me stuff, and it came out I felt weird seeing the pizz box and cola bottles when we were talking all about eating healthily. And I also felt weird like I was being his mommy or the food police.

    And he told me how they were old.

    And he told me he loves me and he just cuddled me and it felt like love being poured on me and it all felt ok.

    I felt myself relax and my heart open.

    I do still have some issues.

    I feel angry at judging about him not taking good care of his health, and becoming sick.

    I don’t want to judge. And I feel blameful.

    I feel angry with him for his past choices with drugs and alcohol that could well have led to his ill health and I want to shake him.

    I want to know why?

    Why did he try to destroy himself this way?

    What stopped him? What is different now?

    I feel anxiety about this.

    I feel unsure about being with someone who is ill. That is the honest truth and I feel kinda mean saying it.

    And actually it doesn’t really bother me, except in that I feel weird to think that his choices may have caused it.

    But when I just sit there, with the man who is there now… and I can feel his love for me.

    And I see a strong but sensitive man, who genuinly cares for other people. A warm man, who cares for me, in fact prioritises me, I feel ok.

    In fact I feel good.

    And I want this.

    I feel warm, relaxed and tingly fingered just writing about it.

    And I look at everything he has done. Every change he has made, and all he is still doing, and I just feel love.

    And when I feel like this I KNOW he is good enough for me. I can feel his soul.

    But not the man from the past. He is not good enough for me. I feel anger at him. I also still feel judgemental.

    I know this must mean I am judging and not forgiving myself.

    Like why was he not able to do this for himself, by himself before I came along?

    He says he wants to do this for himself now.

    And for me and for us.

  486.  #488Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 8:20 am

    I embraced my sensuality and got sexy in seconds!
    B= Breathe: I literally took a few deep breaths in order to calm my energy, my body language and get grounded (just like when I dance) in order to stabilize my thoughts and my body.
    L= Lean Back: I leaned back in my stance…actually leaned against a wall to make extra sure I wasn’t confrontational what so ever. It allowed me to be less fidgety and rely on the wall for the support I needed (I really was nervous).
    E= Eye Contact= I used my eye contact to call attention to him. He wasn’t even looking my way but I knew if I held it long enough, he would eventually look up (you know that feeling we all have when you can sense someone is staring). The moment he did look up at me, I smiled and held it for about 5 seconds, then continued to look around the room (I needed to sense if he felt good about what just happened). This extended mutual eye contact happened at different moments…that’s when I knew there was an interest!
    S= Stance: I then did my sensual stance by cultivating my curves while creating an open invitation to let him know I would welcome his approach if he decided to make one. I never leaned forward in my energy but made sure to enhance my assets. He began to roam around my area…checking out the territory. I was getting butterflies in my stomach because I sensed him figuring out his approach.
    S= Self-touch: This is when I added my powerful flirting tip…self-touch! I caressed my neck…slowly to make sure he would notice. I stayed there for a while (it felt like a life time but when I reminded myself of the intention of giving back to myself…that it’s not really about him but about nurturing my sensuality…it was so cool)!

  487.  #489Jilly on June 16, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Well…here’s an update

    Rugby Man is even more the man of my dreams than I could have ever hoped for…*sigh*

    I had my surgery…I had no expectations for him…but he made sure to take work off and he took care of me for 4 days!!!! He made sure I had everything I needed (and he bought my favorite food 🙂 …I felt a little apprehensive how it would go…but it turned out that he is so attentive..he had to dress me, he even washed my hair for me!!! I felt really vulnerable and helpless…and he totally stepped up…I feel more love for him now than before and I didn’t think that was possible!!

    I feel blessed…that we created even more of a bond…

    He had to go away this week for work and I expressed how I really like when we talk on the phone more and so he has called more often…

    Rori is so right when she says that a good man WANTS to make us happy!! 🙂

    We have a trip planned to Mexico in November and he is paying for all of it!!! I feel so taken care of….this is what I hoped for but didn’t believe was real…

    Don’t give up Sirens!! 🙂

  488.  #490Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 8:23 am

    FW @481

    Thank you for that.

    I might use it since my man tends to talk and talk at times.

  489.  #491Jenny on June 16, 2012 at 8:25 am

    I’m starting to feel worried…deadly shaking worried and afraid.

    I just come home from a first date with a young and very sweet man.

    …and he just told me: “I dont know, i cant get the same feeling from you now, as I got when we spook online”

    And I know I’m soo much better at using Fm and sink into myself oline then I’m in real life….and this makes me sad and scared.

    I’m angry at myself, for not yet being able to use FM beautiful irl as I do online.

    This man, was so into me online, he text, chatted, wrote email and phone me many times each day…and I know he liked what I gave online and by the phone. I feel afraid I will never be able to give the same feelings in real life.

    …ok I do admit, I too felt a little disconected from him, the dame feeling wasnt there; so maybe both of us have painted a picture of each other.

    have any of you sirens experience the same thing?

    And any other thoughts?

  490.  #492Femininewoman on June 16, 2012 at 8:25 am

    aaawww Jilly

  491.  #493Francesca on June 16, 2012 at 8:25 am

    I’m at work and it’s soooo boring.

    I had two customers since I opened, only one of them bought something.

    There are too many other activities in town this weekend: sidewalk sale on the Main, Festival du Fromage (Cheese Festival) at the arena…no one comes to shop this weekend. 🙁