Quick Tool To Soften Yourself Up

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heartonbellylargeWhat if you could say what you feel to a man without getting nervous, anxious, and all tied up in knots?

And what if he could hear your feelings without shutting off and ignoring you or belittling you?

You can and he can, and it all starts with knowing WHAT YOU feel.

Try this simple Tool: ROLL YOUR SHOULDERS

1. Wherever you are right now, stop for a second, put your arms down by your sides, and notice where your shoulders are.

Usually, the tightness in our shoulders is the easiest place to notice and release tension and resistance, so first, just notice if your
shoulders are up high, if there’s stiffness in your arm – just NOTICE.

2. Now, instead of putting your shoulders back, military style, ROLL them outward, so that the palms of your hands follow along and end up facing forward.

Be sure you roll from your shoulders, and not by just turning your hands or your arms (if you’re very tense, you’ll naturally try to do this from your hands and arms instead of from your shoulders – so stay aware).

3. Notice how your shoulders now naturally soften down?

This is a great first start towards feeling your feelings.

4. If you notice a stray feeling creeping up from your stomach as you roll your arms – GREAT!

5. Try to identify the feeling as either “sad, mad, glad” or “afraid.” (When I do this, the first thing I feel is usually sadness – we’ll talk more about where these feelings come from and what they’re about, but for now – just notice and try to put a simple description to the feeling.)

And that’s it!

Let me know how Rolling Your Arms works for you (oh…though you’ll find so many body-related Tools in all my programs — I was asked specifically about this, so…my full “Body Dialogues,” where I walk you through a process I learned long ago to get yourself into a beautiful relationship with your body, is in my Heart Connection Toolkit) — it’s such a simple thing to do, and very often, our shoulders are the key to unwinding all the tension in our bodies and clearing up our “vibe.”

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Daria on August 25, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    love it! Right now I’m feeling Excitement…

    and my shoulders did feel soft… and then it Did come up from my tummy, like a little thrill I almost thought was fear but it was happy

  2.  #2Jane on August 25, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    I rolled ’em. And sadness welled up.

  3.  #3Simply Shannon on August 26, 2009 at 6:54 am

    I find it completely fascinating that when I do this exercise, I feel exactly what Rori has written. My shoulders are bunched up, I roll them, and then I feel this tightness in my belly. Sadness is there. And fear.

  4.  #4Daria on August 26, 2009 at 7:49 am


  5.  #5Mercedes on August 26, 2009 at 9:17 am

    This same thing can really work to not only feel your feelings right now, but to also relax some of the anxiety you’re feeling. I used to use it a lot (along with a deep sigh as the shoulders came back down) to relax a bride right before I took her picture. The smile ended up being so real and soft and I almost never got a “cheese” type wedding shot. I love this Rori…thank you!

    Much Love,

  6.  #6tinque on August 26, 2009 at 10:33 am

    I don’t want to be contrary, but I need to go about it differently. I hold the most tension in my solar plexus, (the seat of power or perceived lack thereof). I doesn’t even work for me to ask that area to let go.
    I hold my breath gently focusing on the solar plexus. I let it out slowly, again gently, but I release starting in my womb or even lower from the labia, and as the breath releases, the solar plexus unfolds and rolls sideways which in turn relaxes the sides or lats, and then my midback softens allowing the shoulders to drop back and fall into place and my neck to realign.

  7.  #7Mercedes on August 26, 2009 at 11:01 am

    Oooh…Tinque…I like that!!

    Much Love,

  8.  #8Rori Raye on August 26, 2009 at 11:57 am

    Tinque — yes – I think it all starts from the vagina and the pelvic floor. Talk from there, move from there, feel from there, experience from there…

  9.  #9Daria on August 26, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    ooh tinque that works too

    thanks rori love that

  10.  #10Daria on August 26, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    these two ways of releasing, tinque and roris, feel different to me…

  11.  #11K on August 26, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    It’s so nice to have this work! I just got home from one of my ‘friend’s’ mom’s funeral….I was there as a presence, didn’t expect or need anything from him. Just realized he needed to feel the warmth and caring I (and some of our other friends) have for him. Rolling the shoulders helps bring that sadness up and out….then take a deep breath and carry on 🙂

    All you Warrior Goddess are AWESOME!! My Warrior protects HOPE!!!!

  12.  #12Tina on August 26, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    I rolled my shoulders, I felt eh, not in a bad way, just a feeling of stability. I’ve been practicing yoga for about three weeks now and I love the feeling of being/staying in my body, my strength, weakness, challenges all in a good feeling way. I first started with just doing the physical exercises and getting used to my body, now I am starting to feel more spiritual/meditative in my practice. I am starting to feel in sync in body and mind (just a little. )

    I called a doctor that I know does sortof alternative therapies along with western medicine. It usually takes a very long time to get an appointment with him, sometimes never. I called this morning and got on as a patient the same day TODAY! He said absolutely he would take me on as a new patient. I am 42 and am experiancing a lot of physcial symtoms of pms, breast tenderness,back pain, all lasting for about 2 weeks before my period ugh!. I clued in when Rori mentioned to Daria about hormonal imbalance.

    I have/had anxiety about being in a back seat of a car (all this started happening like within the pass year or so. When I was younger, I was taken away to live in fostercare , I was sitting in a back seat of a car, a male social worker and my mom sat sitting in the front. To make a long story short, I never saw my mother again for eight years and endured many years of abuse. As I grew older certain smells were familiar to me, like the smell of a cranberry bog and the smell of fennel. I would go hide/play in the woods these smells brought me peace and tranquility. For me it is difficult to find or have images of a “safe place” I really have to search long and hard. My immediate places right now are my home and this site and my place of work lol. Slowly I am able to remember smalls blips of ‘safe feeling places/times.

    Tonight I drove (back seat) with my friend and her brother (warm and fuzzy hehe) we went to a coffee shop and on our way in he gently tugged on my long braided hair, I was coming out of work. Ya think he likes me? lol. He asked how my guitar practice was coming along. He complimented me on my torquoise and pink/fushia print skirt.

    I was in the back seat hoping not to mentally freak out, I was actually ok during our drive. I would dream of always being a passenger on buses,planes,trains. I remember this dream I had, about this girl I was feeling jealous about , I was feeling really angry , she was on the same bus . I put her in a huge bird cage and hung her out the door of the moving bus, I didnt feel good about doing so. I wanted to stop feeling my jealousy and anger. She really did look pitiful and I had to stop doing that to her. I knew that If she would have fought back , I would let go of the handle and out she would have gone. I feel grateful that I work in a place that allows ALL forms/types/practices of healing trauma.

    As I’m typing this and after doing the “exercise” I do feel kinda sad but in a good way lol. I love my feelings of sadness.

  13.  #13Daria on August 27, 2009 at 3:01 am

    I feel so furious

    I feel so powerless

    I feel outraged

    it doesnt take much
    when i take a look around all the judgement is
    the hopeless feeling feels like my head got stuffy
    to my chest and my heart

    and theres nothing i can do about it

    my friends in prison lets count 1 2 3 4 5 oh did i miss anyone
    forgeta bout em cuz theres nothing i can do about it
    walls and bars feel hard and all my love dont feel like it will melt it rightnow
    if love and faith saves us then why th concentration camps
    why is my friends brother never gonna see the outside again
    why do i feel so much tears and rage
    why do i want revenge on those who blasted my friend away
    why do i want to fight and why do i
    get so coinfused
    why we wanna pimp hoes like rockstar groupies
    why you cant change a hoe like healing aids couldnt be

    why do we all love ruckus and why do the 40 thieves recoignize themesleves in us
    why is whats right wrong and why is thieving right
    why do people not give their money away if its so right

    why do they not apologize for what they did in the past why do they make me sick
    why am i so glad i was poor and the guilt is off my hands
    why do i feel so furious
    why do i want to fight fight fight

    why does chris brown hit rhianna if rhianna hit chris brown why is it that

    why is it dangeroius to tell the truth why was i happy when the riots came why do my kidneys run out of power why is my life so filled with fear why do the police terrorize us why is it not fair to

    why am i mad cuz being authentic sounds like its gonna make homeland security hate me and they tell me that they can listen in even to conversation so now my shoulder aching cuz im scared of the consequences of sharing even this little bit of authentic feeling

    why do the real ones die on the cross are you ready to die like jesus i am i dont want marriage love or family i want the world right and until then im ready to die

    im ready to die like my soul landed in the wrong universe and maybe ima sink with this ship they ripped me from my home to bring me to fakeness and struggle why do we get so confused and prosectued for living the life that is really in our hearts

    why do i feel so angry why wouldnt anyone want to blow up building why did i feel relieved at 911 cus the power of opression no longer seemed absolute why did tehy use slaves to build themselves something and why shouldnt they all die why do i want to kill them all and why did people have to die who had nothing to do with it

    why do i feel all this confusion that flows thru my veins why even try to look for a way when all outside me why did i create my world the way it is and what would i want to win and what do i want for myself besides death
    why do i feel sick to my breath sticks in the sternum of my chest because i am afraid to dream

    and my dreams are the same struggle and pain and God himself feels endangered sometimes and yet there is also

    that love

    but sometimes love makes me sick why doesnt love die from so much pain so tainted and gross i feel it could never be right again was it ever right to begin with just read the aol comments i want to kill them all

    if i want to kill them all then what hope do i have to end killing

    i feel tired of being human and I can rip my heart out my chest and offer it up because it isnt scared to die
    like i am

    and i feel so lonely and thers many like me but not quite like me and we can never quite see eye to eye because the haze in our eyes and were blinded too
    trudge on to the mud until the cosmic weather may change and th tide turns but still the hopeless feeling will sink because if life is a spiral then going up will only come down again and circling so much makes me sick

    my soul feels powerless and that feels sad
    remember anne frank she died
    and that feels sad
    and what else feels sad
    opressing the palestinians feels sad isnt the world ironically cruel like iron and machine guns
    and i could be gone tomorrow and u will not know if they abugrahibed me or maybe a car just ran me over or maybe my heart burst or maybe they drive byed me and this one time i was at the wrong time or maybe i was too open and real and that was the end flash

    i cant carry the world i whine and whine and still it sits on my shoulders cuz i cant put it down

  14.  #14Daria on August 27, 2009 at 5:27 am

    I can flow all this with my inner genius Goddess self. I know I can hehe

    phew that feels relieving.

    I feel kinda tired after my acupressure today…

  15.  #15DocK on August 27, 2009 at 6:12 am

    I like this mind/body/spirit stuff – very helpful.

    Not directly related to relaxing in the moment in the presence of a man (or otherwise) but I sort of had that “a ha” moment about my working out with weights. I’m not great at the sitting meditation but working out for me is like a “moving meditation.” I get in a zone as I perform each rep and not thinking about much as I feel the movement in my body and count the reps. I wondered why I enjoyed working out so much when so many people hate it but I now know that this experience, for me, is what has kept me doing it for 28 years and why I will always continue.

  16.  #16DocK on August 27, 2009 at 6:13 am

    Tracy and Daria – thank you for sharing. I feel the soup of feelings traveling along with your words and expression of feelings.

  17.  #17Daria on August 27, 2009 at 6:14 am

    and then the light in my heart opened, engulfing everything and everyone, blinding everything for what… a few seconds? an eternity?…
    and when the light scattered in brillian colors sailing off like laundry sheets blown off in the sky by the wind…

    all was right with the world, it sparkled… and all felt their emotions freely… some they fell to their knees honored their grief, somfe simply flipped and jumped and twisted with joy…

    the world was right again, as it was always meant to be, as we all knew and imagined it to be, and knew it would be again

    the kingdom of heaven was here

    and joy sparkled through our veins like moutain brooks…

    and i sighed, and was clear and happy…

    and then i was called by my friends to the celebration…

    The End.

  18.  #18Daria on August 27, 2009 at 6:35 am

    Yesterday I was thinking about what had once come up as my numerology number, 6, which meant I was very involved and concerned with those around me, my family and such.

    Since I felt limited by astrological signs, I realized I also felt limited by this number, I decided to do EFT on this…

    today I found a different rendition, of hte number 6, quite by accident…

    “Soul – Conflicts resolved, creativity reborn, creative freedom, the other realms.”

    wht do you think? hehe… does it fit or does it fit.

  19.  #19Daria on August 27, 2009 at 7:04 am

    Ugh I feel furious with Paypal. They keep limiting my account every time I make a purchase or log in, because I’m logging in to Romania…

    and I’ve called in to remove the limits 4 times! Which costs me money to log in…

    I asked the agent to reinburse me for the calls but she said they can’t do taht and that maybe I shouldn’t use paypal while in Romania because it seems that it will keep limiting my account!

    This feels so infuriating and discriminatory, can’t I make a claim against them or something I feel like destroying their stupid Paypal… but guess what using credit cards directly doesn’t work on a lot of websites either! WTF talk about discrimination …


    I feel so angry!

  20.  #20Daria on August 27, 2009 at 7:14 am

    Now I feel even more angry because I feel like i should have yelled at her or said soemthing more than oh ok well im not happy with it! WTF… u discriminate me and basically abusively create me financial problems and then tell me you cant even give me a merchant credit? uffff
    maybe I can write them an e-mail? does anyone have experience with doing this kinda stuff?

    this doesn’t feel good At ALL. I feel furious. I feel infuriated… I guess i kinda feel humiliated I just feel so furious. Sorry M’am we dont do that. Fuck u. Adn I forgot to get her name. I feel hateful towards her. I want her to get fired. Stupid bitch. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. Actually no I dono if i do I just hate her for bein so matter of fact about this.

    I want to sue them and have her be fired that would feel good right now. I don’t realy want to do that though /I just feel furious. Sorry mam what the hell are you doing using paypal in romania… dont u know that even if you spend money making calls to us we will still limit your account consistently every 2 days? we can’t know whos logging in there, even though you have your password and are loggiing in to your same computer everytime, and even though we have several notes here stating that you are traveling there… and no we can’t give you even 10 dollars merchant credit, paypal doesnt do taht, it just uses racist authentification methods, its for your own protection that we;re racist… we wouldnt want some ghetto romanian person trying to steal our paypal cash would we. ughhh.. i feeel so mad.

  21.  #21Daria on August 27, 2009 at 7:21 am

    Maybe I shouldve yelled at her instead of gotten quiet… I couldve at least asked to speak with a supervisor… I jsut felt so furious and I guess i tried to hold it in…

    this is reminding me what happened in new york when that stupid bitch wouldnt give me a fuckin plastic bag because i didnt have my receipt

    UG?H… i dont want to attack these people, I want to feel more empowered

  22.  #22Daria on August 27, 2009 at 7:37 am

    trying to EFT it… still feeling furious and powerless and humiliated. It would have felt good to tell her this feels humiliating… and I dont want to take it out on you…. can I please speak to a supervisor…

    im sorry mam there is no supervisor

    well then what is your name, im going to include it on the complaint letter i am writing the company recordig my dealings with them so far…

    i dont really want to hurt this woman “stupid bitch’s” job… and I find myself feeling really angry at “them”

    “they” didn’t offer me a job when I wrote that really creative cover letter… “they” looked at me weird when i went to that graduation convention… “they” won;t allow me to be part of their prissy garden club (ok this one didn;t really happen haha)…

    but yeah… who knows how to heal the they are discriminating against me/us syndrome?

    cuz its really big for me

    oh no one… thats what i thought

    thanks nv

    ok really I want to heal this… thank u.

  23.  #23Daria on August 27, 2009 at 7:48 am

    I just Vampire Screamed my ass of … hehe!!

    oh that fels like arelief!!! TAKE TAHT Paypal!!! hahaha

    i feel laughy

  24.  #24D2 on August 27, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    I felt sadness . . . I also felt that when I did Tinque’s method. Thanks for sharing this.

    DocK – I too get a moving mediation when I lift weights or do my toning/stretch exercises. I bought some relaxation/stress relief music CDs and downloaded some off iTunes that I use to keep me focused on the mediation movements (don’t rush through) – At the end I feel a relaxed energy permeate my body.

  25.  #25Daria on August 27, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    I feel so sad… so sad for my mom… so much grief… its like being young again… I want my mom to be happy. God so much. Please hear me God… I want my mom to be happy.

    (I want my dad to be happy too).

    Please heal my mom. Please let her be better like better than ever being sick.

    Please let her be wrong about never being an exhuberant person.

    I feel so much grief. I feel so much grief. God I love you. Please heal my mom . Thank you. Please please please please please. Thank you.

    Please teach her to be happy thank you.

    Please teach my dad to be happy too.

    I feel soo sad. Oh God I feel so much grief. Thank you for this grief God. Thank you for blessing my mom and dad and everyone I love.

    Thank you thank you thank you.

    Please God, after you’re done blessing everyone, you can bless me too.

    Although I’ll be ok on my own. Thank you though. Thank you for everything good in my life. I just want them to be happy. I want them to be happy and it hurst SO BAD. My heart hurts and I feel so much grief oooh. thank you for giving me my grief. Thank you for making me. Thank you.

  26.  #26Tina on August 27, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    I woke up feeling pretty good, my few minutes of negative feelings didnt wake me. I was very aware of not having my feelings of doom and gloom this morning. Kinda like I feel great, I’m missing something, what is it? oh that feeling , thats what I’m missing cool. I feel excited about my tomatos popping up all over my garden, I feel excited about my new doctor, I feel excited about going to work tonight.

    I had a 19 yr old man contact me, I know him from where I live, he was wanting to go out with me practically begging, I felt is sweet and kinda funny. I told him (I used feelings messages) about how I feel it wouldnt work out between us, I told him after he persisted that, he was born three years before my son lol and that I cannot possibly consider dating him. I did say we could “hang out” and have coffee sometime though. He said that he lives “alone” lol I found this to be funny. Hey, I’ve lived alone probibly longer than he has lived, I’m 42. The men coming around is a very odd mixture, lol. young , old , some in between. I dont know…

  27.  #27Tina on August 27, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Dock, I found that I can do sets easily a day after doing yoga, I feel I could have either put on more weight or done more sets. Also I kinda feel embarrassed by saying this , anyway…I’ll whisper lol…I heard you can use some kind of balls to strengthen my vagina walls lol 🙂 I’m not sure if mine need strengthening but I was feeling curious about it, do you know anything about it?. hehe

  28.  #28tinque on August 27, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    I do. They are called Ben Wa balls. I have a better suggestion though. The jade egg. I bought mine from a lovely woman in Hawaii, Saida Desilets; her book is called the Emergence of the Sensual Woman, a great book by the way and a nice adjunct to the egg. You can find her at
    http://www.jadegoddess.com. They run $40 if I remember correctly. I love mine though just doing Kegels without anything at all is a fabulous strengthener.

  29.  #29alias girl on August 27, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    tina. i feel such love for you. and all the goddesses too. i love siren island.

  30.  #30Daria on August 27, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    Yeah Tina! Wow I want lots of men like Tina !

  31.  #31Ann on August 27, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    Thanks Rori and Tinque for these 2 tools.

  32.  #32cookie on August 27, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    So I’ve been still struggling w the lack of sex in my relationship. Every time I bring it up he shuts down. I need to do something bc I’m a sexual person and I feel like a retiree. I have had a couple episodes in between but they always make me feel bad. But men are showing up again n this one guy from the past is trying to get me. I don’t want just a sex thing with just another dude but I feel so untouched and its making me feel ugly and unwanted. What to do ladies?

  33.  #33cookie on August 27, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    Honestly those nasty vs keep tellin me everyday that I’m not enough n any jane could fill my space, no baby or family for you, and maybe one day soon he will say its over. Sometimes that feels like a broken heart but other times it feels like relief. Ugghhhh! How do I get them to shut up and leave me alone?

  34.  #34alias girl on August 28, 2009 at 2:17 am

    i feel simultaneously annoyed and turned on by my ex. i feel angry and fed up. yet i feel comforted.rrrrr. aw.

    i feel super pfffffffffff that he just sits on my horse with his legs in an iron grip refusing to give up his spot on MY horse. i told him look, you’re out and the new guy is in. i am meeting the love of my life and you’re not it apparently. he said oh i should see you soon then before you meet him.

    i told him no. i’d rather not.

    i feel pissed off that no matter what i do or say to this man that it doesn’t get rid of him. i feel extremely turned on that no matter what i do or say to this man it doesn’t get rid of him rrrrrrrrr. AND YET HE WON’t EVEN DATE ME.

    and yet i keep pushing himaway. rrrrrr.

    i feel confused. i don’t want a man who is not falling all over himself to please me. this guy is out. off my horse. rrrr.

    in other news i went to the park today and someguy was in his car when i walked by and he said hi what’s your name etc . but that was it so then i kept walking. i thought heck if i’m some guy’s girl he needs to be chasing me down the street not waiting in his car for me to carry the conversation.

    as i was walking he has turned his car around and drove up next to me. he asked me more questions. but then i saw a picture of his daughter and

  35.  #35alias girl on August 28, 2009 at 2:24 am

    i asked about the baby’s mama situation and i could tell by the way he answered that he was still with her. ick. total ew. ew. so i said not for me thanks and started walking again. then way way way way down the street he pulls over and parks and comes after me.

    i told him in feeeling messages i just wasn’t interested and i knew he was lying. he copped to it and still tried to ask me out.

    so i am only going to look at the positive here. the last three guys i have met have beeen SUPER interested in me and very much treating me and pursuing me in a way that feels very good to me.

    i am learning what i like deserve and feels good.

    my ex either needs to treat me like a goddess. or GET OFF MY HORSE. PRONTO TONTO. i secretly want him to start treating me like a goddess.

    but my ex is not wealthy and psychic guy said love of my life is wealthy. plus psychic guy said i would MEET this love of my life in the next (17?) days.

    i already knew my ex.

    if i met a different guy i would Forget about my ex.(would i?)

  36.  #36alias girl on August 28, 2009 at 2:26 am

    yes i would. would i?

    rrrrr. i feel confused. i want a boyfriend.

    thank you universe for giving me yummy boyfriend options of men who treat me like a goddess and want to please me and i am attracted to and they want to spend time with me and make me thiers. thank you. aaaaaahhh. yes.

  37.  #37Daria on August 28, 2009 at 4:31 am

    all these healers and me in different ways are telling me I have a problem with fear, and that theres a block on my root chakra

    i knew that!

    I feel so surprised to hear it from my acupuncturist here as well as different healers too


    i feel impressed by the acupuncturist

    thats related to my cycle having bein irregular

    theres a trauma when i was young (u think) haha

    and of course its hard not to be scared in the us when i worry whether about being entrapped or killed

    so again, so happy to be healing all this

    also i want to heal the trauma about ghosts and being really afraid of bad spirits since i was young, it would make my hands shake uncontrollably

  38.  #38Daria on August 28, 2009 at 4:45 am

    I sorta looked in the eye of a guy while walking… only 2 1.2 seconds though, not enough to let him know i was interested, because i felt shut down and not sure i was interested, not feeling very confident. he had nice eyes though.

    I feel excited to feeling open and good enough to be looked at and to flirt with men

  39.  #39alias girl on August 28, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    daria if you heal that trauma please let me know how you did it. i don’t want to dig at my past or have any more do overs but i feel there was something there that got trapped. but mostly since i haven’t been able to release it i just don’t focus on it. but i can feel it still a little. i feel afraid to focus on trauma. i don’t want to. i just want to be 100% healed and have 100% access to the now.

    thank you for this 100% healing that is effortless and painless and easy. thank you.

    also i feel bad when i might be interested in a guy and so then i start talking to him and realize i am actually not interested. i feel ok to just get over feeling bad though and maybe just take it for what it was. a short interaction that made both people feel good. i feel good to keep experimenting with all kinds of different men. it’s ok to be possible interested and then change my mind. i give myself 100% permission to chnage my mind about anything i want whenever i want as often as i like. thank you. i love myself.

  40.  #40Daria on August 28, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    Alias girl… something that really opened me up to healing was talking to Business Coach Iyabo Asani… she’s really sweet and is something like a soul seer…

    I thought I was gonna get business coaching but I got my soul seen


    She was having a free first session thing so I signed up for that and that’s how I wound up talking to her…

    yes i wasn’t trying to dig up the past either until then, but now i realize that it is healable and this is time for me to heal. I do deserve to LIVE really live and be HAPPY really happy like Fairytale Magic Dragon happy, not just well ull always hurt there but ull be able to tolerate it for the rest of ur life happy.

    So yeah I try to stay more and more aligned with that…

  41.  #41Daria on August 28, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    BTW after talking to her I FELT SO GOOD and happy. so yeah it felt good really good therefore I felt inspired to share that

  42.  #42Daria on August 28, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Yes her contacts say call me to get a complimentary coaching session. Her website has a lot of info but it’s not quite the same as what I felt when I talked with her… that was something else…

  43.  #43Daria on August 28, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    So I took my own advice and just e-mailed her to sign up for coaching… perfect timing because I was feeling stalled on my e-marketing business…

    btw my tutoring site is up so refer all your GMATers or SATers or anyone who wants math and english tutoring…

    I have really high scores and I can teach them to have em too


  44.  #44alias girl on August 28, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    oh daria i LOVE your site!!!!! i feel so happy for you! Yae!! Congratulations!

    what city are you in? I see ads on craigslist all the time for tutoring jobs. I’ll have to make a note which section i see them in. maybe the “part time”? I can’t remember. I will make note next time.

    Yae daria!!!!

    i feel excitement.

  45.  #45Daria on August 28, 2009 at 3:58 pm

    bummer… i dont feel better… but maybe i will maybe im just stirred up

    apparently I want to solve the problems of the world…
    and I should start with the ones I can solve…and what are those … (oh yeah nothing)


    I feel still hopeless and powerless. If I cant solve the problems of the world than what is the point

    oh yeah i can solve the problems of the world. Sigh. I am super Jesus.

    this sux. I need more help, or do I. Maybe I just need to chill…

    I FDEEL FURI?OUS… i feel FURI?OUS at the problems of the world I FEEL FURI?OUS


    I want to be a healer dammit like one of those I touch u with my finger and you feel healed healers

    so that means if i want it i can have it

    my kidney hurts

    I feel tight in my tummy

    I feel angryrrrrryyyy

    I FEEEL SO ANGRY!! I LOVE MY ANGER (almost forgot that)

    Rori help me!

    Belief : I have to solve the problems of the world… feeeling : sad, panicked, not good enough, not understood, alone, BETTER than (hmm), important

    maybe what I really want is to feel important – that feels disgusting and shameful

    Without belief of I have to solve the problems of the world: lost, bored, identityless, frivolous, guilty, ashamed, shallow (thats a judgement), pointless

    With belief I DONT have to solve the problems of the world: afraid, afraid to face what I really want i guess? Scared that the problems of the world are gonna catch up with me (but if I worry about them they’re already here)… sad, sad that there are problems in the world

    I feel sad

    this seems like a lose lose lose

    Im gona heal this. Ive started believing in having everything i want for a reason

    Maybe I CAN solve the problems of the world… maybe im such an effective speaker and healer tha when I speak and tell stories it changes people, it opens their hearts, maybe I CAN uplift people, maybe I CAN release them from freeing imprisoned by money or actually by no money and poverty,

    And lets go on with this, talking to me helps people be free… like my friend who told me that no one had asked him what he really wanted and was interested in life, that he liked animals and wanted to work with animals like a veterinarian that felt really touching to me

    and yes my nv may say he was laying it on thick to get me

    but whatever. maybe theyre gonna let him out because he really didnt commit that murder hes charged with and everyone knows it

    maybe my EFT can change and heal people, maybe i will find my confidence and voice so I can share it without feeling all ashamed like I’m unsure of whether this will even work for you whcih turns people off

    maybe instead I can share it with total confidence and openess and people can be like OMGod it works like I just offered them a yummy piece of candy they never tried before and they liked it

    that would rock… imstarting to feel better

    ?I feel so tiredddd though and misunderstood

    I cant even make money or always do EFT right so who am I to teach people to free themself of poverty and do EFT

    I am obviously UNWORTHY!!! HELLO I AM UNWORTHY! and who are you? ?OH YOU ARE UNCARI?NG… thats cool nice to meet u wait where are you going come back I wanna show u this thing called EFT, wait wait, ouch dont kick me I feel furious but I guess I will follow u at a distance hoping you will learn my EFT still


    that feels awful

    I like all kinds of energy healing and I want to get really really good at them I can right?

    i mean I got really really good at test taking and most people hate that shit… so that should be a sign that /I can get really really good at energy work

    whats the evidence that you can heal people… um I have none except that I want to

    oh you cant then.

    Just like u cant dance.

    Haha in your face I CAN dance. Even though I hear u hating right now… but guess what I CAN dance… sUCKER!!

    so that proves that I can learn any fuckin thing even energy healing. YEAH I want to.

    And I’m “only” 27. who the hell is “only” 27. People are “only” 17. Not 27. 27 is a grown fuckin woman. My mom had me at 26 and.

    and. Im just loving my little cussing voice on paper. Angels please help me. Thank you.

    Angels can I have guidance and reassurance Thank you. And healing of my root chakra.

    I like that I had some interesting successes with EFT on my own last week. Evidently I’m getting better.

    I feel tired. I am going to pay Iyabo and I feel kinda scared about that.

    Apparently my dad’s prediction that ?I will blow through this money is coming true, even though I intended the opposite. But chase decided to triple their minimum payment. oh well chase. im not defaulting haha. and in February thanks to Obama you will have to let me pay my high APR balance first. nahnahnahahahanah

    I wonder how Obama did it. Go Obama. I feel tired. But yeah. its lovely that obama did it.

    Another way that I can make bazillion money and act hecka free to do whatever is be a rapper. Somehow althohgh I haven’t really rapped I know I’d be a great rapper. Actually I even have a rapping voice in my head he/she comes up and is very arrogant and interesting.

    Also one time I did try to rap when I was by myself and I freestyled 15 minutes straight without stopping, which is pretty impressive. But I have judgements of myself and embarassment and inappropriateness stopping me. I WILL heal myself yay. sigh.

    That would ROCK though. I would LOVE to be a rapper. I will shock the shit out of people (which I greatly enjoy… sometimes).

    maybe thats the whole point haha … maybe I can be a rapper and make hecka money… there are not a lot of female rappers out there right now and certainly not anyone who has to say what I would… wow.. or even look like me… and Im pretty hot. I would be easy to put on tv

    I coudl say some pretty interesting stuff… see now Im worried that I wont say the right thing… hmmm

    this is FUN I am feeling judged and I’m only typing to myself lol…

    maybe this was a better coaching session than I realized at first…

    WOWzers… I would realy be reaching my target audience as a rapper…


    I feel like a clown thinking I want to be a rapper… thats ok

    laugh at me all you want because I’m really not that funny

    I am super dominant and you do not want to look me in my eyes and test me because u will see whats inside of me then and believe me not a lot of men can “see” me when it comes to mental strength

    ie u can tell I’m the real deal I am not a weenie, and you dont even have to know me to tell, it;s obvious and serious

    so that would really WORK
    this is exciting!!

    this is freakin SUPER EXCITING!!!

    it also feels terribly embarassed… can you imagine somebody finding these blogs haha

    well they can easily find it because I freely sign my name on them haha

    ok with EFT I KNOW I can Rap. heck I may even be able to sing… or produce beats… or even instrument music

    WOWZERS so exciting and fun thinking about thisssssss


    this is my journal if you havent realized that … hello floating journal… thanks for serving my purposes and WHATS MORE AND EVEN UNBELIEVABLE you talk and have other Goddesses post on your pages

    yay Journal… I love you… I really appreciate you journal… you have made my life mucho better.

    1. EFT on looking men in the eye for some fun with attractive men

    2. EFT on rapping


    meanwhile lets rest and well… rest!

  46.  #46Daria on August 28, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    Oh yeah Duh thank you Angels!

  47.  #47Daria on August 28, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    Alias Girl thank you!! I feel glad you like my site! I was totally helped by a wonderful man, just like I wanted to be (wow I just realized that).

    Tahnk you Angels and Fernando. And thank you to Candy Watermeyer who wrote the copy when I didn’t have the confidence or organization to… she helped me get clear on the business

    I am in the San Francisco bay area, and on Craigslist tutoring ads usually go under lessons, or to hire tutors under part time… the page was flooded with ads the last few times I checked…

    However, ?I will magically get just enough of the right kinds of feel good clients right Angels? plenty of clients. Thank yuo.

    Im starting to trust more!

    So I think me rapping is a great microniche. After all I know no girl like me, and I know a lot about uhh “the game” (or whatever… my eyes feel teary and my temples feel squeezy I FEEL EMBARASSED)

    yes I feel embarassed to be myself because Im such a weirdo, such a misfit. What kind of romanian girl tutors and (non judgememtally and totally heartfeltedly) hangs out with highschool dropouts in american ghettos. Just me! I would definitely fit my microniche.

    All my life I want to be that AND the other because I really dont want to miss out… like the chinese food you know I want the green bean Chicken AND the orange chicken and I love lazy susans so I can taste EVerything… yeah!! HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO IS STARTING TO MAKE SENSE!!!

  48.  #48Daria on August 28, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    ok so although my mind is coming up wiht lots of reasons why I Can’t be a rapper…

    I’m gonna choose to go with well if I feel so good and excited about it I’m moving in the right direction

    right right? or is this just a fantasy my poor subconscious has come up with to spare me from the reality taht I have nothing real to fall back on

    thank you NV

    love youtoo! please go make me a sandwich. And after that please go help heal my root chakra… right on!

    This is my life my life my life


  49.  #49alias girl on August 28, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    daria i feel excited about your future rap career.

    a psychic saw in “the matrix” me doing something with rap but i honestly didn’t know what she was referring to as I have not really up til this point in time demonstrated such skills. but hey maybe in the future we can work together on some beats and get our flow going. 🙂

    anyway about Craigslist I usually see lots of ads NEEDing tutors, not people offering their tutoring services. anway i’ll drop it as you are already aware of craigslist and tutoring jobs come to you easily.

    My life is easy breezy. Always has been. always will be. thank you!!!

  50.  #50alias girl on August 28, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    i have been OBSESSED these last few days with my new experiment. i LOVE when i get obsessed because i feel joy and alignment with my creative self. i trust that this wiil lead me to even more joy and alignment. thank you for this fabulous universe that pays me lots of money to do what i LOVE to do. aah yes. i feel good.

    and thank you for the cutie pie that finally just came out and said why don’t you just tell me what you want and i can see if i can provide it. and i told him i wanted to be treated like i was special. preferably by a man who once he gets to know me thinks i’m special so it kind of works itself out.

    he said ok. i felt good. i felt cared for. i felt SPECIAL!! He is totally cute. and totally young. hehe. i wonder if he is wealthy. 🙂 either way i would like to meet this cute one.

  51.  #51gina on August 29, 2009 at 12:15 am

    I feel confused about my own feelings. I want to build my own interest in a man who is pursuing me, who I THINK is great, but who I’m not feeling butterflies or heart pitter pats for. What’s the deal? I was feeling it for him a little initially, but when we hung out last night, I didn’t have that same desire to know more and more about him. I was focused on myself – not my feelings really, just my point of view. Was I avoiding intimacy? Just being self centered? Uninterested? The first couple of times we hung out, he wore a hat, and he had this shroud of mystery. Plus, he was in my territory, so, when I filled in the blanks about who he is in my head, it all suited me. But then last night, I went to his place, and he was sans hat. His place was totally fine, and he looks fine without the hat, but I dunno…I’m sad that I don’t just adore him. I feel myself around him. I feel comfortable. We joke around and have fun. We have intellectual conversations, and I respect his point of view. We share similar values. He is into being a “provider,” and values chivalry. We like the same music and lifestyle. He has a great job…I want to feel more into him. Is it possible that I’m blocking feelings? Is this just chemistry?

  52.  #52gina on August 29, 2009 at 12:19 am

    Daria your site is great!! congrats!!!

  53.  #53Daria on August 29, 2009 at 1:52 am

    Thanks AG and Gina.

    Today I woke up getting stabbed by a 100 NVs. They told me that being a rapper is ridiculous. They told me that i spent 125 on a session I didn’t get much out of. They told me that even the soul seer lady didnt understand me this time. My ‘homework’ was to research ways to help ppl out of gangs but I don’t really want to do that. I feel misunderstood. It feels sucky to be misunderstood by a business coach you paid 125 dollars to. And rapping was just something I was excited in the moment about, like all my flashes of inspiration. Just something like a flash in the dark. Tutally not attainable. eh… every time they said something I felt squeezy somewhere.. etc… I felt like beng stabbed.

    Good thing I remembered to love my feelings so I’m busy loving all these icky feelings as they come up. Also I’m glad I will get the chance to work with someone on EFT to clear my blocks to just randomly rapping deeply insightful or fun and provoking or both and interesting stuff as soon as I open my mouth.

    Of course if i run out of money will these people help me. no. actually they may who knows.

    Im feeling stabbed in the back on the right and In my knee, and in my left upper jaw and temple.. I love my stabby feelings… and that feels like feeling overwhelmed… i love my overwhelmed feeling… and that feels like a lil bit yawny.. i love my yawn.. and that feels like tingles all on my face and tihgtness in my shoulder and kinda pressure on my chest and i love all my feelings and that feels like yawning… i love my yawn… and that feels like pressure on my chest above my solar plexus and i love my pressure on my chest

    you guys love my site but how do i get clients! I have to go talk to schools??? I am not ready for that!! HORROR HORROR! I love my blocked feeling, that feels like tension in my forehead, I love my tension, that feels like tingling in my neck and dizziness in my head, i love the tingling in my neck and dizziness in my head

    you know i havent been working out as much for the past 5 days and my turmoil has increased.. which points to continually “funning” out as I read someone call it as a good thing to do for me

    I feel tight in my mouth , tight in my throat, tight in my jaw tight in my chest… I will prove to you all how much I am suffering! lol… I love me I feel disgusted… I love my disgust I feel disgusted at feeling disgusted and I love all my feelings even and including this tingling pressure and squeezing in my right ear… ?I love you! I LOVE ALL OF ME that is being squeezed, tingled and prodded!

  54.  #54Daria on August 29, 2009 at 2:28 am

    The stabbing voices only enraged the warrior woman more… she ROAREDDDD!!! and the trees and the woods blew back from the power of her roar… the old pines deep in the forest chuckled… the youngster was strong… the dream was well on its way… they hummed contentedly on and shook their minty piny bodies with pride and delight

    the Roaring woman dipped her hand down in the belly of the earth… the brown wet muddy blood splashed across her face… the stabbings hurt and healed and hurt and healed, the heart of the woman trembled, but knew could tell the woman was getting stronger… soon the stabbing would be tingles and light… blood of the earth smeared the woman… she raised her hand high, the mud dripping, she threw the muddyblood in the air, transforming it in golden light.. the golden wind whipped around throwing light in all directions… the woman added more and more blood… the pain of the earth was coming out its belly… the handful by handful birth would heal all, would take the muddy pain and bring it to light, light up the world… the woman enraged by her own pain, added her roars to her work

  55.  #55Daria on August 29, 2009 at 2:58 am

    Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

  56.  #56Daria on August 29, 2009 at 2:59 am

    oops no
    I want to link to the drawing I made of the woman from the story…


  57.  #57Tina on August 29, 2009 at 5:22 am


    Jade balls is it then hehe. I loved reading your last story Daria.

  58.  #58Daria on August 29, 2009 at 5:39 am

    Thanks Tina! yay! I feel so excited to finally allow myself to write stories and make art!

  59.  #59tinque on August 29, 2009 at 6:27 am

    Daria – In case you haven’t noticed I love words and word imagery, painting a picture with words, Your warrior woman scene above is amazing, rich with tangible images.
    Love it.

  60.  #60Daria on August 29, 2009 at 7:28 am

    Thanks Tinque!


  61.  #61Rori Raye on August 29, 2009 at 11:41 am

    Wow, Daria…

  62.  #62Rori Raye on August 29, 2009 at 11:56 am

    Gina!!! — Please, please, please keep Circular Dating…it will make it so you don’t feel compelled to do ANYTHING. And it could be either that he’s not right, or you’re blocking your own feelings. Feeling Messages non-stop will help you open this up in yourself. Kissing him may help. Just being around him may make a difference. Try not to judge the situation. Try to open up to intimacy no matter what…you will get clearer as you go along. Just get OUT of your head as best you can. Love, Rori

  63.  #63gina on August 30, 2009 at 11:35 am

    thank you! I replied to a different man who had contacted me days ago about making a date, and already I feel more at ease. I am seeing the guy that I wrote you about tonight, so I will have a chance to practice feeling messages and intimacy. THANK YOU!!!

  64.  #64gina on August 31, 2009 at 5:56 am

    I went on another date with that guy, and the mixed feelings still abound….
    I felt weird cause I was supposed to meet him at his place (a 40 minute drive for me) so that we could go to hear “old school jazz” at a bar near his place. The last time I saw him, I drove the 40 minutes to his house so that he could make dinner. Both times, I was hating the drive – I was thinking “I’m not ‘won’ over yet – what am I doing all this driving for?” Plus, these dates happened after I got off work, so it was late by the time we met up, and I would have to drive home late, or stay at his place, which I’m not comfortable with.
    By the time I reached his house last night I was super grumpy. He asked me what the pouty face was for, and I said “I’m grumpy.” And he said “rough night at work?” and I said, “I just hate driving.” He said “you hate driving?” I said “yeah, I plus I’m feeling kinda manly driving to see you. i guess while we’re still getting to know eachother, it feels weird for me to be driving, cause it feels like I’m pursuing you” He said “Well, if this performer was playing in your town, then I would have driven to see you, but he’s not…” I said “I know, but I don’t know this performer, so I don’t care” He said
    “Well, what do you care about?” I said “I care about how much effort I’m putting forth and how it feels. It just doesn’t feel good to make this long drive to get to you.” We changed the subject, went to the bar, and I alternated between feeling sexually attracted and a little repulsed. I got frustrated with his tongue a lot – kissing wasn’t that much fun. I tried listening at level 3, and that did help me get out of my head. it was tough, cause i kept wanting to think about this unavailable guy I’m in love with. i also wanted to analyze why I sensed that this guy isn’t “the one.” Usually, I could bring myself back to the moment by focusing on my feelings. We had a conversation about family rearing – we’re on the same page about it. It feels interesting to be seriously discussing “family life” with a man. When the bar closed, we drove back to his house, and I wanted to get away from his annoying tongue, so I definitely wanted to make the long drive home even though it was close to 3 am. He promised to meet me the next time we hang out. I would love any feedback about how I handled the grumpy feelings. To avoid grumpy feelings, in the future, I think I would say to a man “I would love to see you again, but I don’t feel comfortable driving to a man’s house – it feels icky and unfeminine. what do you think?” or something like that…

  65.  #65gina on August 31, 2009 at 6:04 am

    I guess he’s the first guy who I think is real quality that I’ve dated, so I’m like “okay, this is good. this could be ‘IT” but I don’t like the way this thought is playing out. I can feel good about dating a quality guy who ISN’T the one. I intend to attract others. I’m working as a hostess, and have been flirting up a storm… I want to stop judging myself for not having romantic feelings for these men. I start thinking – “what’s wrong with me? why am I such a cold fish that I don’t want any of these men?” I got in bed last night and thought “would I want a man in my bed with me? would I want to be in anyone else’s bed?” and the answer was no. but then that felt sad and lonely and hard and bad…I feel weird. Like I’m different than other people – heartless and cold and isolated. ugh. but it could all just be that I’m on my period and am at the mercy of my hormones. that feels frustrating, too.

  66.  #66Simply Shannon on August 31, 2009 at 6:14 am

    Gina, I liked what you said about traveling to him. You told him the truth.

    I’m going out with lots of guys that I don’t believe are “the one” but like Daria has said about circular dating, this is free therapy for me. Quality men should be coming to me. I don’t have to be attracted to any particular man until “the one” shows up. I feel exactly as you described. I’ll be sitting there with a great guy and my brain will flip back to A. I have to force him out of my brain. And at times I feel turned off by certain guys. That’s normal. I don’t have to want someone in my bed all the time. When “the one” shows up, I feel certain that will change.

    I went out with a cute guy last night. He’s a cop and a GREAT kisser. Making out with him felt really good. I don’t feel complete sparks with him but he’s so much fun to be around. I’m just going with it. He is definitely in my rotation. 🙂


  67.  #67DocK on August 31, 2009 at 6:15 am

    Hi Daria

    Congratulations to you with your new site!

    I am getting mine updated and finalized this week. My friend Jeffrey had helped me with mine and he passed away a week later before we had completed it. I couldn’t even think about it other than to know in my heart that eventually I would get it finished but wanted it to remain much like what we had created together.

    I miss Jeffrey – he was the Reverend of the Center for Spiritual Living in Baltimore and my very dear friend.

    Wishing you much success and prosperity, Daria. : )

  68.  #68Simply Shannon on August 31, 2009 at 6:21 am

    Dock: Just wanted to send you some gentle hugs. I’m sorry you lost your friend. (((HUGS)))

  69.  #69DocK on August 31, 2009 at 6:50 am


    Thank you so much. Jeffrey was a bright light in this world and his presence left its mark.

    I love the hug (hugging back) : )

  70.  #70Mercedes on August 31, 2009 at 8:24 am

    Daria: Your site is wonderful. So professional! Good luck with your business! 🙂 I think you’ll do wonderfully!

    Much Love,

  71.  #71Daria on August 31, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    Dock I feel sad hearing about your friend, and at the same time I feel good that I can relate to losing someone I felt was a light in the world. I feel more understood and not alone. Hugs to you and I feel furrowed brow and sadness too.

    Thank you for the comments on my site. Mercedes thank you too!!

    Gina – You did AMAZING!!! OMgosh. I want to reread what you wrote so I can use some of it for myself in the future!! wow you said i feel manly driving to you… that’s so brave… I feel weird saying that because I think the guy is gonna look at me like wat the hell you feel manly Driving??? and I will feel judged. But hearing that you sad it makes me feel much more empowered!

    Also I was talking to a friend and both of us said how we didn’t feel like we wanted a man “in our space.” Except for me that seems to have faded right now, it’s not bothering me to imagine a man in my space and bed. I think EFT had some to do with that. Right before I realized ?I no longer felt that way, I had cleared something on feeling safe to express anger. And other stuff.

    But yeah definitely I remember feeling many times that I would not want a man in my bed or to be in his, at least not for more than a day. Geez… hehe too much togetherness and intimacy? Bring on the next fun date instead?? lol

    I guess I still feel a lil bit of it, but the intensity is almost gone.

  72.  #72Daria on August 31, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    “I care about how much effort I’m putting forth and how it feels. It just doesn’t feel good to make this long drive to get to you”


  73.  #73Flipper on August 31, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    Cookie, I feel we can’t get our NV’s to ‘just…leave us alone’, cuz they’re part of us and we’d be even more alone without them. So rather than trying to get them to stuff it and shut up, better to treat them just like we want to be treated: with loving kindness and acknowledgement of the good they’re trying to do us, however misguidedly. Acknowledge their intention (of protecting us) but show them we’d heed messages of encouragement and support so much better. Give them an A for effort (and persistence!!), then set them to a fun task, like disguising themselves in siren costumes and singing our praises instead.

    Don’t think I’ve got a complete handle on this: mine seem to sense some hesitancy on my part and now sneak around my back shoring up old defence mechanisms rather than bitching to my face. But I’m really the boss, so I’m tryna give them some healthy tough love and make them work with me to pry open the gates of my anger, not add extra locks. And I’ve noticed some progress: I’ve learned to sometimes react to others (who deserve it) as my NV’s used to get down on me (who didn’t deserve it). And I tell them ‘Thank u NV’s for keeping alive in me how to feel angry. Doesn’t this feel better now, turning it toward the real culprits rather than beating me (and yourselves) up?” Not that I act out destructively in the real world, but I feel stronger to handle things better in my own interest.

    Daria, yes your site’s wonderful. Wishing you as much success as I’m sure you help your students achieve. Also, thanks for the T-Tapp tip – it’s great.

    Gina – it seems normal that you’re not quite “feeling it” with that ‘good’ guy yet. What has He been doing to Give You the feeling? So far, he’s mainly been skating along on Your initial attraction. I can’t see much effort on his part to ramp that up and keep it going, so why wouldn’t it peter out? Keep up the feeling messages and circular dating – for yourself, of course, but I feel they’re also the only useful things you can do for (a valid relationship with) him, or anyone else for that matter.

  74.  #74Daria on August 31, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    Flipper thank you and I love the idea of asking the NV’s to transform into sirens and sing my praises! Well that is definitely 1. way to quite them!

    Also releasing stuff quiets them, like trauma release therapies or EFT.

    Feeling really centered like with meditation quiets them too.

    And of course like you said Flipper, loving them is the best thing, because no matter where they came from they are a part of us, wether we choose to release them or keep them and love em.

    Great job on getting in touch with your anger. Would you like to post here some I feel angry messages?

    They could be about anything.

    For example, I feel angry at being blamed for things I’m not doing.

    I feel angry to feel limited.

    I feel angry… at having to kill chickens to eat them (really? wow I didn’t know this).

    Turning your anger Away from beating u up is great! now also next step is to realize taht the other people are triggering stuff and they’re not to blame either… the feeling of anger is ours… they didn’t cause it… although it certainly seems like they did. I;m feeling triggered myself writing this, but I think I remember Rori talking about this, and basically kinda why we don’t use You messages.

    But anyway I feel glad you are not beating yourself up that is a HUGE babystep. I EFTd my way (on my own yay! one of my successes) to feeling safe expressing my anger (even to people that I think are more powerful than me) recently and have been expressing a whole LOT of it even on the blog.

    my friend said I helped her get in touch with HER anger by me expressing it! YAY! And shes standing up to her family. That feels great to me!

  75.  #75gina on September 1, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    Thanks for the support ladies. Flipper, I found your comment about how he’s coasting to be interesting – I guess that’s how I feel. Though, I do think he thinks he’s courting me. I think he thinks he’s courting me in a way that would increase the likelihood of me spending the night. Maybe that’s not the case, but I was resenting the late night option of driving or staying. If I were to tweak what I said to him, I would like to soften it up a bit. I haven’t heard from him since, and the last times I saw him, he texted me afterwards to say that he had a good time and to make a plan. I feel tempted to reassure/encourage him, but I’m telling myself to lean back. I’ve been flirting with other men in the meantime.

  76.  #76Flipper on September 1, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    What you say about the anger and it being triggered by others feels right, Daria. What I meant was that I’m not accepting my NV’s shrill opinion that I either deserve crap happening to me or else that I just have to suck it up if I want people to like me. Now I tell them that not only that doesn’t feel right but it’s not even true or reasonable. So I won’t put up with their angry pyrotechnics against me, and I get to feel the anger myself which, like you, has lead to marking some boundaries, expressing negative feelings and/or turning away from bad situations without laying on the blame. (BTW, my NV’s love their siren costumes and now they want princess gowns, too – if they keep coming thru, I’ll give them to them for Christmas).

    As for actually feeling and expressing the anger, I had a dream lately that someone/thing unpleasant was in my bed, pushing against me and taking up space I didn’t want to share. When I ‘woke up’ (in the dream) I realized it was my old partner that I’d already kicked out of my room, and my annoyance turned to rage. I pounded on him and yelled, pushing him out with my arms and legs. Then I woke up for real, and was so glad to feel this rage that I’d never really expressed to him or even much to myself. And so I just kept at, flailing and cursing and vampire screaming at the cushions and covers till I was satisfied and felt better.

  77.  #77gina on September 1, 2009 at 4:55 pm

    Who is NV??

  78.  #78Flipper on September 1, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    NV’s = Nasty Voices

  79.  #79gina on September 1, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    I keep thinking about the situation with that date, and I’m feeling bad. I don’t think it was his fault at all – I think I messed things up cause he asked me to drive out there, and I never wanted to, but I didn’t express myself until I was already ticked off. I could have said “hmm sounds fun, but I’m uncomfortable driving home late at night, what do you think.” And then he could have come up with a solution. But instead, I said “looking forward to it..” and got there all ticked off about something that I knew I didn’t like to begin with. I haven’t heard from him since then, and I don’t blame him. He’s probably like “no thanks.” I feel crummy.

  80.  #80Simply Shannon on September 1, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    Gina: My siren sista. We are so much alike it’s not even funny. I liked what you said to him. I feel so proud of you. I love reading your posts. You are growing and changing so much. I wish you could see it. I feel so much of the same things you do, and we are in the same boat. I’m really trying not to second guess myself. I’m saying what I feel as I feel it… or as soon as my heart catches up with my mouth to speak it. I can’t change what I did or did not say in the past. Only learn from it and move forward. I can’t remember which post this came from but basically it said a man is NOTHING to me until he shows up consistently. I feel bad seeing you write that you feel crummy. I don’t want to minimize your feeling but I want to shake your shoulders, hug you, then say to you: Don’t beat yourself up. You are a light. A Siren. You’re learning. You’re beautiful Gina. Don’t forget that.

    I just had a 2nd date with a guy. We had a lot of fun hanging out. Several interesting conversations came up along the way. Mostly things he was admitting and he kept saying “I can’t believe I’m telling you this”. It was quite enlightening. This guy admitted he typically has 1-2 year relationships but has never been married. At that point, I made an attempt to give a no-girlfriend explanation (I won’t call it a speech. It was really just a conversation topic.) I didn’t explain it all that well but seriously the guy was captivated by our conversation. I felt amused and yet so relaxed about it. This is a good guy. He’s responsible, sexy, funny as hell, and quite the kisser. And I felt amused the whole time. At one point, he said I sounded like a man because I was saying I wasn’t going to be someone’s girlfriend. I just laughed because he’s right! MEN do what feels good in the moment. Otherwise they just don’t do it. WOMEN worry about what everyone else thinks or wants and THEN we decide how we feel. I don’t want to be a girlfriend. I don’t want to be held captive by a man who isn’t offering me marriage. The whole “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free” thing ain’t happening anymore. And I told the guy this exact phrase. For a second, I thought “uh oh I’ve said too much” but then I realized again that I feel relaxed about this. I can say how I feel, and I reserve the right to feel 180 degrees different at some point. I feel confident and at ease. Even had a conversation with A tonight. He’s very unhappy at the moment. Mainly because he doesn’t have me buzzing around him like a bee (me) to honey (him). I feel like he wants me to convince him this is worth it. He’s acting tough and saying different things that all amount to he wants me back and he’s scared by this new “not quite so available Shannon”. I feel sad that he’s unhappy but I can’t/won’t do anything to change that for him. I won’t go back to being that girl who was taken for granted. That may be the girl that he fell in love with but it’s also the girl he cheated on. Why the hell would I want to be her? I used as many feeling messages as I could but that’s basically what I told him.

    Lots of things happening. Lots of learning to do here. I’m not the girl I once was, and I feel good about that. Baby steps.

  81.  #81gina on September 1, 2009 at 11:57 pm

    Thanks SS. I felt touched by your comment – thanks especially for the part about how a guy’s nothing to me until he steps up consistently. I also feel inspired by your honesty on your date and your strength with your ex. I’m glad we have the opportunity to support eachother and share our point of view here.

  82.  #82tinque on September 2, 2009 at 7:10 am

    Oh wow. YAY!!! for you Shannon. You’re awesome.

  83.  #83Rori Raye on September 2, 2009 at 10:24 am

    Gina – Anger is still the biggest challenge. For me, I can find, feel and express what’s available to me in that moment….and then I go deeper, and see that I’m angry because of a much bigger picture –and that bigger picture is usually about something I’ve done or not done. I feel angry on the deepest level with myself — not someone else — and I know this is true for you, also. If only because we blame ourselves for “being here” in the situation that makes us angry. The thing is to CELEBRATE when you get to the discovery of what it is that you’re not doing that you can CHANGE. Usually, this has to do with using our masculine energy on our own behalf. Usually it’s, as Marianne Williamson says, about us instinctively “playing small.” I’ll post about this…it’s got me thinking..Love, Rori

  84.  #84gina on September 2, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    Thank you Rori. Yes i definitely felt/feel angry at myself for agreeing to drive to his place late at night. I think that is what blocked my feelings for him in the first place. I felt totally into him the first date, but then when I drove to his place for dinner, I felt angry but I tried to talk myself out of my feelings cause I knew that he had good intentions. Then, when I agreed to drive to his place again, I knew that he wanted to show me a good time, so I told myself to suck it up and deal with the drive. But I had just gotten done with work, I was on my period, I do hate driving, I had problems with my GPS, it was a long drive that started later than planned, and when I got there, I was like “Who are you? What am I doing this for??” I felt aggravated and I was vaguely aware that it was because I hadn’t communicated, but I didn’t know what to do with him cause I felt nothing but a little bit of irrational resentment towards him for not reading my mind. And now I’m a little angry that he didn’t text/call to make sure that I got home okay when I drove home at 3am – he knew that I had to stop for gas, and that I had trouble driving home the first night (the highway was shut down, and the main detour was blocked). But then that really goes back to the original issue – I didn’t want to drive late at night and did it anyway. I believe, in spite of it all, that he was a good guy with promise – I feel sad that the possibility seems dead. If he was “into me” would his interest sustain an unhappy 3rd date? Or did I blow it? Would it help to reach out? I just hate to feel like I was emotionally out of control and that I sabotaged something that maybe could have been good. I don’t know how I feel about him, but I feel so crummy about myself right now, this sucks. My mom is saying that I’m high maintenance and that I’ll be alone forever if I don’t reach out to a guy a little. My dad says I need to treat a guy as lovingly as a I do the cats. I feel so WEIRD!!!!! Rori, I would love to know more about how to deal with anger once I’m already mad at myself. When you say “celebrate” – is that an internal celebration. Since it was about ME and not him, I don’t think I should have shared those feelings with him, but then I’m not sure what I could express to him since I was so consumed. Once I was there and angry, how could I have been true to myself and still available for connection with him. I feel like I showed him my worst self and that “the beginning” is supposed to be all about people being their “best.” I can’t say that this is the first time I’ve pulled a little stunt like this – I tend to bust out the ugly stuff early on, and whoever sticks is my friend. But I always feel bad when somebody does what i expected them to do – reject the nonsense I’m serving up. Okay…I’m done dissing on myself. I love myself even though I’m still mad that I pushed him away. But I forgive myself more and love myself more cause I realize that the anger is somehow a defense or an obstacle, I’m not sure which. But if I can accept and celebrate it like you’re saying, then I guess it’s neither. I look forward to learning more. Thanks again for your help.

  85.  #85Daria on September 3, 2009 at 1:58 am

    Hi Gina… you sound like you are in the midst of a trigger and beating yourself up. Stop it please.

    First of all, what we share is alwasy about ME not him, in fact that’s what we strive for!

    As we said above, you did GREAT. Perhaps next time attempt talking to him beforehand also, for YOU.

    Lean back girl! He WILL call you… relax and go meet some other guys meanwhile…

    please do not reach out to him to apologize for sharing your sincere feelings!! I feel your concern and anxiety and beating yourself up (do you see how you are beating yourself up and focusing on him? and making yourself wrong? STOP!) and feel bad because I too used to worry about stuff like this, now not so much anymore because men Do respond to my leaning back,

    BTW when he does call I would let him know it didn’t feel good not to hear from him after the drive home (if this comes up for me)

    Pull your voices together and give thema big HUG!!! HUG for Gina!!! You are OK … you don’t have to Do anything, just HUG YOURSELF!

  86.  #86Daria on September 3, 2009 at 2:00 am

    PS the (what you think is) WORST of you is the most beautiful to a man! He loves us for being authentic…love yourself now!!

  87.  #87Tracy on September 3, 2009 at 4:38 am

    I ‘d also love more insight on anger and how to release it….
    I was reading through the blog the other day and i felt interested in a particular site and as i was about to finish i opened another link where some critics had suggested that the facts provided on the site were in fact not true and that the group was more of a cult…
    I felt my mood change and my emotions felt so strong…just because i read something found it interesting and now someone else had a different opinion about it…i felt angry at myself…i felt so angry i cried…i have so much stuffed anger around believing that i can make a good decision for myself and stand firm by it…and i can choose wisely…i guess it boils down to believing in myself…and i feel so angry because i have to work at believing in myself completely and fully…so when i felt the anger coming out…it was really me angry at myself for not believing in me…

  88.  #88gina on September 3, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Hi Tracy,
    there have been several times when I’ve gotten involved in something and have been disheartened by the eventual realization that it was a bit of a cult. Everything from corporations, to dance companies, to small professional organizations, to churches and healing groups. At the beginning, there is this sense relief and comfort that comes with a feeling of belonging. Also there is hope that I’ve found an answer to longings of my heart that I didn’t even know that I had. But then somehow or another i pick up on ways that the group is not dedicated to Truth, but rather to maintaining the illusion that my well being is dependant on commitment and contribution to the particular organization. I have felt awful when i realized the lack of integrity in these organizations because I felt dissappointed and duped, but also cause they were using pieces of Truth in order to manipulate me, so everything looked and felt cloudy and muddled. I felt like I psychically had to writhe and wiggle myself free, and it wasnt easy since they had ensnared me with Truth. i felt enraged that other people would even want to control me and use me for profit. I felt disgusted with humanity – and ashamed that I had ever been tempted to follow at all. I’m not sure if that relates at all to what you’re feeling, but I felt compelled to share that I have felt duped. It helps me to remember that Society is pretty much one big cult if I think about it, and the people at the “top” often conform the most, so whateva – Kudos to us for at least TRYING to live authentically. And maybe the criticism you read was a gift from the universe – a reminder to value The Truth above all else, and not the messenger. I would also hold on to whatever the website DID reveal about truth as best you can. And thanks to Rori for bein such a wonderful channel of truth. If someone accused THIS site of being a cult, I wouldn’t get mad cause I KNOW it aint true.

  89.  #89gina on September 3, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    Daria, thanks for that message. I would feel better about my behavior if I didn’t think it was a bastardization of what Rori is teaching, and that it was my usual pattern in disguise. And men DON’T like my normal pattern. My normal pattern goes like this:

    I like a guy. I feel scared. I start to tell him ugly stuff about myself. He doesn’t seem to “get” how ugly I am, and I start to lose interest and feel anxious. Then, to relieve my anxiety I attack him with ugliness to push him away. Then, once he is distant, I want him back. Usually, a guy is done at that point. Sometimes the guy will hesitantly try again, but then I feel bad and guilty about my ‘episode’ – and there is a cloud of “weird” around me that feels heavy and bad. The hot freshness of the relationship is done, and it’s a slow death from there. I’m not beating myself up – that is what I have done in the past, and that’s what I believe I did here, but I cloaked it in feeling messages that were at the wrong time and place, to the wrong person.
    This is exactly why I haven’t had ONE relationship in 28 years, except with a weird guy for 6 months 6 years ago – and when i say weird, I mean that I had to get a restraining order.

    Now that I pushed him away, I want him. I contacted him today – I said “Hey Johnny. I’ll be at Embargo tonight. I feel bad about how I acted the other night. I would love to buy you a drink. Care to meet?” He said “Hey sweetheart I’d love to join you but my car’s been in the shop since Tuesday, and I’m not sure if I’ll get it back today or tommorrow.”
    I said “bummer about your car. hope to see you soon.”
    He said “Tell me about it, but I did cycle to work today and yesterday…felt great. We will def connect soon.”
    Even though I would normally feel weird contacting him, this didn’t really feel like leaning forward – felt like clearing the way. Is this possible? I know that I am in the middle of a trigger – it’s hard for me to get perspective!!

  90.  #90Daria on September 3, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    Gina – I feel weird saying this. yes I do think that was leaning forward. You apologized for your behavior which was you saying how you feel. At least from his positive response I hope you realize that you were incorrect in assessing that he is not interested in you anymore after sharing your feeling message

    Apparently he is still interested in you. Actually that was a good experiment, because maybe it showed you taht despite your worry, he IS interested… so there is no reason to worry

    next time don’t apologize for yourself ever. I feel angry hearing about taht. and I wouldn’t offer to buy men drinks. the whole message sounds very lean forward to me, and I feel guilty and bad saying that to you. I don’t want you to feel bad. I want you to feel good.

    this was an experiment yes, the result was that you now get a chance to SEE that there was really nothing wrong in the first place. next time, more leaning back, no apologizing, or else you are giving Yourself the impression that you don’t deserve to share you feeling messages and stand in your power

    great baby steps. and no it was not a bastardization, it was a great use of feeling messages and authentic showeing him how u feel (which apparently you think is ugly , but I give it a big HUG because it looks beautiful to me) … give yourself some love to the parts of you that feel ugly

    don’t worry about not having a relationship in 28 years, i have had plenty of them, with plenty of making me feel guilty for wanting to leave them, beating each other up phyically, men trying to pimp me, threaten me wiht weapons, and steal money from me, marry my best friend, and other fun stuff to make up for your non relationship having except with weird restraining order guy…

    so what I’m saying is we are here NOW. the past relationships don’t matter anymore. we are learning to have good relationships now and to love ourselves

  91.  #91gina on September 3, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    Daria, I agree that I leaned forward, but I’m not convinced that it was a bad move. He came off as warm and basically interested in me in his message, but that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t ready to write me off if I didn’t express some interest in him after bitching about driving to him – that’s what I think I did. I think I bitched at him, as opposed to expressing my feelings in a vulnerable way. And I feel bad about it – I really am sorry. Offering a drink felt like a way to extend the olive branch. Now I feel better – maybe I got to feeling better in a masculine way, but I was feeling rotten before, and now I feel better.

  92.  #92gina on September 4, 2009 at 12:01 am

    At first my mom was pretty critical of how I behaved, but then she confessed that she recently did something similar to my dad. My parents were invited to a party the night before Thanksgiving. My mom decided that there was no way she was going, but she told my dad that he could go. Several times he came to her and said “look me in the nose…are you SURE that it’s okay that i go to this party the night before Thanksgiving.” My mom said yes it was fine. But then the night of the party, she was home prepping for the holiday while my Dad was at the party, and it looked like a bomb had gone off in the kitchen and she grew FURIOUS about my Dad being at the party. When my dad came home, she said “You are NEVER going to a party a night before Thanksgiving again!!!” And my poor dad was like “I asked you several times if it was okay!!” and she couldn’t deny it and she went on to express her fury at him for being at a party while she was home dealing with a big mess, and her fury at his friend for choosing a dumb night for a party. I didn’t know any of this, but I remember that their vibe was totally weird at Thanksgiving. My mom seemed sorta cold and unloving, but now I realize that she felt guilty. My dad seemed sort of soft and extra nice – now I realize that he felt bad that he failed in some way. That all sucks. I realize how feeling messages could have helped, but she probably did use some without even knowing it. But the problem is that her FURY was in control, not her. And that’s why my situation is concerned me. I don’t want irrational Fury to rule. I am sure that this is related to inner Swamp Monster Rori talks about. I can appreciate my inner bitch right now, but it’s different when she is actually raging.

  93.  #93gina on September 4, 2009 at 12:04 am

    And, by the way, I do think my mom should have apologized to my dad. Maybe it would be leaning forward, but he was feeling bad, and even if she was caring for him in a masculine way by reaching out and apologizing, somehow I see that she would be making herself vulnerable at the same time.

  94.  #94Daria on September 4, 2009 at 2:42 am

    Gina hi –

    i feel unsure how to say this. yes it was not ‘wrong’ of you to reach out and apologize and offer to buy him a drink… it was a lean forward experiment, and like you said it made you feel better

    however, you do not have to lean forward to feel better… that is what most of us Have been doing to feel better, and it pushes men away

    imagine the opposite scenario, say I feel very angry at my man but don’t tell him, lets say for good reason, he’s doing something that is clearly wrong to me, and then I rage at him and attack him… this also may make me feel better in the moment…but is only temporary

    the idea is to learn to feel comfortable in the feminine energy, by leaning back… i feel sad you think that you think you bitched to him, especially if the communication went as you wrote above…

    as far as your mom and dad situation, i looking at it from a distance and feeling uncomfortable with it, if it were me that had raged, I would hope to address it in feeling messages as well… ie… im feeling really guilty…

    im feeling sad about this and feeling totally pushy and weird writing about it… i just don’t want you to think you Ever have to apologize for your expression of your feelings… and also don’t want to see you thinking you have to be in masculine mode for things to be ok with a man… I’m feeling unheard and I’m sure you’ll find your own way… i wonder if i[m busy triggering myself right now…

  95.  #95Flipper on September 4, 2009 at 6:30 am

    Thank you, Daria, for expressing to Gina how I was also feeling about it. I just didn’t dare, and I admire you for doing so and finding the words and the underlying meanings. This is no criticism of you or your reactions, Gina – in fact, I tend to act and interpret the same way as you. But I want to change that because it’s brought me nothing but …nothing, or grief. A little tough-love feels good after the initial ew, and say-it-like-it-is = truth, i.e. far more helpful.

    I, too, believe that apologies are sometimes necessary from women to men AND the best way is the new feeling-message way, where we admit to our feelings of rage, guilt, regret for hurting the other, etc. (all of them) BUT NOT by putting ourselves down, NOT by saying or implying that we had no right to feel or express those feelings.

    I’m seeing more and more in all sorts of contexts (literature, world news, etc etc etc), confirmation that the greatest thing we women can offer men (and society and humankind in general, as well as ourselves) is for US TO EXPRESS OUR FEELINGS IN WORDS, and the only actions that really count are when we back away if the situation gets unacceptable, and literally take care of ourselves.

    Just finished a novel by male author where the male character demonstrates this to be true, and actually says, repeats, believes and shows that the TLC* from his girl makes him feel BAD, and literally leads him to dump her, rather than feeling grateful and loving. (*Tender loving care in the way we women usually practice it, i.e. giving/doing nice things, deferring to him, never showing our negative feelings, apologizing, making things easy or comfortable for him). And tho’ he has a pang of guilt, he feels justified in that he Cannot believe that she’ll feel bad about it, because she has never shown him that she CAN feel bad. This is not some new book surfing on our touchy-feely age, where just about everyone’s heard so much “psychology” – it was written in the 60’s.

  96.  #96gina on September 4, 2009 at 9:05 am

    Daria, sorry I left you feeling unheard. I really appreciate your comments – I didn’t mean to dismiss what you were saying. I don’t completely disagree with you – I’m just sorting these things out. I also know that my mom tries to rationalize her feelings, and that it doesn’t work for her, and that I have a hard time accepting my feelings because of the way she judges feelings. She thought it was uncool of me to express those feelings cause it wasn’t “nice,” and that I was just mad that he didn’t read my mind. She thinks that the way i related to him was inconsiderate of how he would feel hearing about it. My roommate also thinks I was in my crazy bitch mode. Flipper, what you said about how men don’t like women who lean forward and do nice things – its just that I have a history of treating love like War. I am telling you that I’m not nice to guys, I am MEAN so that I get to be the one who hurts first. I was trying to be different this time when I felt the temptation to attack (by expressing feelings), but my mom/roommate’s response got me thinking that maybe I was actually just doing more of the same. I dunno. I honestly am not sure. i can see how I’ve been attached to his response – like I was focused on the fact taht after the first couple of dates, he was chomping at the bit to see me again, and this time that wasn’t the case. So maybe I’m judging how I behaved based on his response. Or maybe I know I missed lots of few feelings afterwards – I didn’t tell him how weird I felt. Or how I felt a little sad. or relieved to finally be there. Or appreciative that he did take me to a cool place. or good in his arms. or good talking with him, or much of anything else. I was able to communicate frustration when i got there, and I communicated that I felt tired later on, and I didn’t keep him in the loop in between – so maybe that’s really what interfered. I’m feeling kinda weird harping on the same thing for so long. I just think this is a key thing for me. i’ve heard that people who struggle with Anorexia tend to grow up in homes where some feelings are unacceptable. I was anorexic as a teen, and I sensed that this dynamic played out in my home, but I wasn’t sure how.

  97.  #97Flipper on September 4, 2009 at 12:45 pm

    Gina, it’s wonderful that you’re finding and writing down all those feelings Now – that’s a way to start practicing – there’s no one, right way. Who wouldn’t have been cranky after driving all that way so late, especially forseeing the return trip well past the middle of the night ?!! I agree with Daria – it was best that you got your real feelings at that moment out, however imperfectly. Did he seem at all hurt? On the contrary – you went on to have a nice time where he took you.

    Realizing the feelings you went thru, and expressed or not, is one (good) thing. Ruminating and fretting over them is another, so how about giving yourself a break from trying to figure him and his reactions out. Remember it’s not about him – it never is.

    BTW, the girl in the book went on to become severely depressed and anorexic (that word wasn’t used but the symptoms were clear). Neither she nor her loving mother could ever express their emotions to each other, so your comment about your family struck a chord. However much I loved them, I would wonder if these people’s opinions on the matter could be helpful (except perhaps as counter examples)….

  98.  #98gina on September 4, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    I don’t like that I basically told him that I didn’t think he was worth the drive. It did seem to hurt his feelings – he looked like he was trying to stay strong while I was beating him up. afterwards, he was telling me about some fun he had the night before, and I felt this pang in my stomach like he was thinking about how he had fun with nice beautiful girls and he wasn’t so sure he needed a headache from me. But then I saw him suck it up and ask me about my weekend. There was a heavy cloud over evening. The place he took me was cool, but my attitude at the beginning undermined his attempt to share it with me. Next time, I will share how I feel, but I want to extend some energy and focus to the other person. I won’t deny my feelings for their sake, but I won’t ignore their feelings or the relationship as if my feelings in the moment are the only thing in the world that matter. I will take the other person into consideration more. Like for instance, with my roommate, sometimes I tell her that I feel aggravated and annoyed (in response to what I perceive as neediness from her). I’m telling the truth. And I’m expressing my feelings, but I intend to find ways to express myself that doesn’t deteriorate a relationship or the other person’s self esteem. Like yesterday she was eating in a way that grossed me out. And rather than express disgust like I sometimes do, or get introverted and dissappointed that I don’t like humans, I looked away calmly and jokingly said “I’m trying not to look or judge.” She said something with her mouth full of food that was falling out of her mouth, and I said “it’s best if you don’t talk.” She started cracking up laughing, and the moment was lighter than it sometimes is when I feel annoyed and disconnect. Most of the time when i feel negative, i keep it inside and i get introverted, which also negatively affects my relationships. I realize that i am very uncomfortable having negative feelings, and this is the first time I’ve given real consideration to how to handle them in the most productive way possible.

  99.  #99Ann on September 4, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    Gina what I feel you’re saying is… You’re going to speak your feelings but in a way that feels respectful to you. Basically say what you’re feeling but not tearing the other person’s self esteem apart or hurting your relationship with them.

    I’m also trying to learn to do this. For me I call it having some tact lol I’m also experimenting with how I do things. As long as I don’t feel like I’m leaning forward in a way that feels icky to me I’m fine with making the first move sometimes.

    I feel for me it’s about what feels good to me but really noticing my feelings to be sure I’m acting in a way that feels authenic to me.

  100.  #100gina on September 4, 2009 at 11:36 pm

    Ann that’s totally what I mean – thanks for saying it so well!!

  101.  #101Uschi on September 6, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    I am not sure I understand this shoulder thing maybe some drawings on how to do it would help – never been one to do excercise

  102.  #102Daria on September 7, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    hi uschi… this is not exercise…

    roll shoulders Out to sides, relaxing them (once), should wind up with palms of hands facing forward, and feeling relaxed

    2 second move, not an exercise

  103.  #103Uschi on September 9, 2009 at 6:48 am

    well, I feel kind of stupid now because I can only roll my shoulders around not out and my hands never face forward always my side, but rolling them relaxes them but there are not other feelings from my tummy or anything so not sure if I am doing something wrong or this just does’t work for me

  104.  #104Daria on September 9, 2009 at 9:31 am

    Uschi — hmm it feels tough to explain. I don’t want you to feel stupid.

    Don’t roll your shoulders around, like a big shoulder roll.

    This is like a Tiny roll, about halfway of a regular “around” roll. It leaves you with your palms facing forward.

    It should feel like you are relaxed and open, no effort to make this tiny roll at all.

  105.  #105ginni on July 31, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Do u think telling ur guy you feel like punching him in the face is ok!