Relationship Issues – The End Is Unknown But the Path Is Pretty

Untitled design (14)

In Sedona, it’s red. Rocky and red and pretty and almost too perfect.

Like a village built to look at.

It looks like even the natural, majestic rock formations were built to look at.

And they change. Over time, over millions of years. But they feel unchanging, and look unchanging, and only what walks and runs and flies through them feels like change.

People, and bunnies, and water and birds.

We climb, we walk, we fly…and when you walk the path for the first time, you don’t know where the end is. But once you’ve walked it, you do…and so the second time you walk it it’s not unknown or surprising anymore.

Can you look and see and feel and experience more when you don’t know what’s next?  Or when you DO know what’s next.

In a relationship – you never know what’s next.  But you can predict.

If it’s happened before, it’ll happen again.

People have patterns. Men have patterns. We have patterns.

An argument starts because someone gets triggered and needs to blow off steam and blame someone else in order to feel better – and so, just like always, triggers back.

We know the buttons to push.

Even if we’ve never met a man before – we know what buttons to push. We may not KNOW we know – but we do.

If we criticize a man, we can be pretty sure he’ll either withdraw, clam up, or bark at you.

A man who barks will bark, a man who closes up will close up.

In the red rock, you can feel comforted at the bottom of a massive wall of red stone – or you can feel stifled.

You can breathe better surrounded by gorgeousness you had no hand in creating – or you can feel trapped.

Same with love.

We’re all different.

This path is going somewhere, but I don’t know where it’s going, even though I looked at the map.

I follow my husband sometimes, and sometimes I turn to go off to the creek running by.

The trick here is to stop thinking.

I’m just walking, and looking, and seeing, and hearing and experiencing.

There’s nothing to do but walk. Or stand. Or sit.

No place to be but here. Even if I make it up that there IS someplace to be but here.

Can we be inside a relationship, inside a room with people and things and still just walk, stand, sit and not feel like there’s something to do, someplace to be that isn’t here?

I know that relationship is part history, part chemistry, part experience…many things. But mostly it’s moments.

It’s just being in moments, in the same space (even if you’re not in the same physical place) sharing something.

It can even be a silence. With nothing going on. But you’re both there.

When you can breathe, when you can feel that you can say anything, when you feel like yourself and not full of unsaid stuff – that’s when you’re with a man who can be a partner to you.

A man who can share emotional and energetic space with you – even if you  have nothing at all in common.

So – just walk down the path. Stand. Sit. Look. Listen. Be

See if you can feel love and see if you can feel what’s moving around you.

See if you can forget about what’s up ahead – even if you think you know.

You don’t.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on October 6, 2011 at 7:57 am

    I always love the pretty path.

  2.  #2Senior Lady Vibe on October 6, 2011 at 8:22 am

    Hello world. I’m feeling fabulous this morning and thankful for all.

    @FW, I’m right behind you…. gaining… LOL 😀


  3.  #3marina on October 6, 2011 at 8:27 am

    lovely images Rori!

    I am feeling good today.
    Started listening to Reconnect Your Relationship yesterday and one of the main things sinking in now is the Relationship bubble and energy exchange.

    I am now in the train. Heading to friends for dinner and then we’ll go to a yoga studio for Hatha Yoga and meditation/relaxation.

    I went to a career event and did some workshops on creating your personal vision.

    But the best part was Dress For Success where they did a colouranalysis. I am a dark winter and should wear bright cool colours. And silver. No gold. I suppose I was already

  4.  #4marina on October 6, 2011 at 8:29 am

    doing the right thing 🙂

    But I did find out about some greens and blues that can look good on me too 🙂


  5.  #5Femininewoman on October 6, 2011 at 8:45 am

    The 3 Faces Of Low Self Esteem – Amy Twain
    by Amy Twain
    3) The Victim/Loser.

    These are the ones who are the pathetic kind, continuously living in misery, perennially depending on others for love, support and validation. Victims are like little children, who can’t make, or are afraid of making, their own decisions.

    Low self esteem makes them immature, lacking assertiveness; it pushes them down, making them underachievers. Always waiting to be rescued, losers/victims come from all walks of life and all lifestyles, ages, careers or either gender.


  6.  #6Kath on October 6, 2011 at 8:47 am

    And there you have it!- Rori I swear you are in my head- I swear you are living my life with me because you always know just what to write and share and I read it and go- Doh! that’s it!!-

    I’ve been over-analysing again!- thinking that my once wonderful man has suddenly become distant and questioning whether I am really the right one for him- I’m thinking he feels trapped!- and I want him to not feel trapped and so I’m physically moving away and giving him more space- He’s not texting or calling as often as he did- we’ve argued badly this week- made up- but somehow it all feels different- Maybe our honeymoon period is really over, which saddens me. I just remember a couple of things he’s said to me that make me feel as though he doesn’t get me really. He said that at the moment he felt like he had to get permission from me to do things he wants to do (what?!) and then he said that I was more intelligent than him and then he said that I was manipulative and said that one of my stories I’d told him about buying a green coat for a kid I worked with one time was a sign of me manipulating him- I asked him what he meant as I’d thought I’d bought the coat because the kid really wanted it- I feel really sad that my man should think that about me- it is so not true.

  7.  #7sammie sighs on October 6, 2011 at 8:55 am

    FW Wow tough love!!! lol I don’t want to be pathetic!!!Gosh rude awakening …

  8.  #8sammie sighs on October 6, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Hi Kath,

    I think Rori’s new article is great you can drive yourself crazy by over analising. Don’t dwell on his comment just smile and be ..

  9.  #9Femininewoman on October 6, 2011 at 8:59 am

    How To Stop Walking On Eggshells With Your Man – Tinque
    by Tinque

    Do you ever feel like you’re always or at least too much of the time scared to voice much of anything to your man?

    For example when you start to feel tense for whatever reason, justified or not. Do you feel worried you’ll say the wrong thing and push him away?

    Are you hyper-aware of each word that comes out of your mouth, and it inevitably feels to you like your man didn’t like what you said? By this time you are sure his has mood changed, so he pulled back. And then you kick yourself for being “so stupid”, for saying such dumb things?

    A Story to Help You and Your Man
    I’ve been working with a woman who has been doing some brilliant work in turning her relationship around. This was a woman who was “all over” her man, after him pretty much constantly, trying to get him to call more, text more, stay with her overnight more.

    If she didn’t hear from him for a few hours she would feel panicky and then reach out to him, many times if he didn’t respond right away. And then she would feel sure he was avoiding her, pulling away, and maybe even worse, seeing another woman. The gremlin voices would scream at her, and the scenarios she created were truly creative.

    For rest of article:

  10.  #10Femininewoman on October 6, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Always keep in mind that anger in any relationship, whether intimate or not, is inevitable, and even necessary. It’s part of being human and working out conflict – and MOST important – it let’s the other person see your humanness and vulnerability and deepens the emotional connection in the relationship.

  11.  #11Emoticon on October 6, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Hello Sirens! Thursday morning on Siren Island!! New post!! I’m happy!! I used this tool this morning! The “I don’t have 2 do anything” joint!! Perfect! I did nothing for a while. Now I’m listening to music and feeling gr8! I love myself 🙂

  12.  #12Erica on October 6, 2011 at 9:33 am

    I shared with a guy that I just broke up with. I miss him and us, I don’t know where we will end up. I am learning to use Rori Raye’s tools and how to reconnect.

  13.  #13Ella on October 6, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Hi Sirens,

    Feeling SOOOO tired today.

    This tired feeling is horrible and seems to permeate through my whole body and being.

    All I feel like doing is curling up in bed and/or eating and sleeping however I had work commitments today and I have to teach Zumba tonight.

    I know I’ll be alright once I get there.

    So had a date with CD2 last night.

    He contacted at about midday to check the times for picking me up so that worked out ok… and thanks for the responses on the last thread all!

    I did tell him when I saw him about this miscommunication and how I meant *I* don’t like planning dates NOT that I don’t like a confirmed plan.

    Not too sure he quite got what I was saying though, he said that he couldn’t plan something in an area he didn’t know and I couldn’ be bothered to argue or express anything different (it just didn’t feel like a big enough deal) so he asked me to suggest a place to eat and I did.

    He led in every other way.

    It was a good date, interesting.

    Practiced lots of stuff, listening at level 2, leanback, eye contact, expressing, I am all that etc…

    Feel ok about it. Good really probably if I wasn’t feeling so tired.

    There was one odd feeling bit (for me) where he was talking and I was listening and I recalled something posted on here about how a man will fidget and touch his face if he is attracted to you. And I noticed he simply wasn’t doing that at all.

    And I tightened up and felt panicky.

    I would love to be a woman who doesn’t care if the man I am dating finds me attractive, however I am not there yet.

    So I felt a bit off noticing this and it must have showed on my face because he just stopped talking and asked me what was wrong. He said something had changed and he wanted to know was I ok?

    Ha ha… well I didn’t want to tell him! I felt embarressed. But I wanted to be authentic and honest.

    Anyway he took me outside and persisted to worry about whether I was ok so in the end I said I just got lost in my head and I felt embarressed and then I told him the thought I had had and how it had made me feel.

    He was very sweet and said ‘ah well I never fidget and touch my face anyway!’ however I felt like a bit of an idiot!

    Well after the meal we walked round the churchyard in the dark, which was fun, and he kissed me.

    On the drive home (through country lanes) he kept pulling over to kiss me.

    When he dropped me off he asked if he could come in and I said no.

    He text me when he got home and asked if he could see me again. I replied yes that would feel good.

    I have not had a reply back today and feeling quite grouchy about that.

    Only cus my NVs about how no men will want me and I am unlovable are popping up! Blech.

    Made worse cus I am stupidly tired from working too much.

    It would feel good to see him again.

    CD1 has been blazing up my phone to the point where it is annoying, however no offer of a date a yet.

    No word at all from J (not really expecting there to be).

    That’s about up to date for now.

    Oh, except that I am just feeling very tired of CD-ing atm… I want 1 man.

    Hmmm 🙁

    Just feels tiring and awful with all these men coming and going atm.

    Want to switch this view… probably fix itself after a good sleep. That’s usually the way.

    Noticing more than ever that tiredness REALLY affects me.

  14.  #14Femininewoman on October 6, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Have to share this. I was with two guys just now and one made a comment. Though I acknowledged that he was joking it triggered me just slightly but I internally decided that I am not going to respond because I don’t want to be dragged into any drama. Both guys busted out laughing and said my face said “f@! off”. Now I am sure my face said nothing but I leaned a little harder on the column I was leaning against and said in my mind “I am not going there”. When I continued to question them because I wanted to hear what they sensed they said the look on my face said it all. I insisted there was no look and then they eventually accepted that I just turned slightly towards the thing I was leaning on. They both found it funny because they no I am a no nonsense girl. I told them I felt intrigued by the fact that they were able to sense what I was thinking and felt it in my vibe though I said nothing. The thing though was that they interpreted it stronger that I was thinking and they reacted to it. It confirmed to me that facial expression can be incongruent despite what we are feeling and that these guys that we are close to or who want to be close to us are so queued in to us they really feel us. We really have a lot of power and maybe sometimes even though it might be negative it might work to get their attention to just agree with them when they say certain things about what they are feeling around us though we might disagree. I was genuinely surprised and curious about myself when they reacted and really wanted to know what they experienced.

  15.  #15Femininewoman on October 6, 2011 at 11:26 am

    The more awareness you bring into your life, the less you find reactive emotional patterns spoiling your relationships with the people you care about.

    You are able to simply be there and be the presence that you are for those you love. You find this experience getting deeper and more profound the more you practice Core Energy Meditation.

    Of course, not everyone will be in the same place you are…

    And depending on their level of consciousness, at times their egos may feel frustrated that you don’t react emotionally in the ways you used to. They may even try to push your old buttons. But you will see their lack of consciousness for what it is, more and more with practice. The more you practice, the more you’ll be able to calmly observe their reactions and your own without “getting blown out.” And it gets better …

    You’ll find yourself rooted, more and more stable, more and more grounded in the present moment. More and more you’ll be able to accept others while still taking any necessary action the situation requires.

    The struggle in your relationships will drop away more and more.

  16.  #16Emoticon on October 6, 2011 at 11:34 am

    “…when you feel like yourself and not full of unsaid stuff – that’s when you’re with a man who can be a partner to you”

    LOVE this line. Makes me feel happy because I am myself right now n I don’t leave necessary things unsaid. I feel proud reading it.

  17.  #17Jean on October 6, 2011 at 11:49 am

    lovely sirens and rori, I have a question please?
    have several of your programs and working thru them. I am currently only with one man, that I consider “dating”, but I know he considers us a couple and in a relationship. I want to start circular dating but am now unemployed and having to look elsewhere for employment. I may end of moving anywhere within my state to get a job. I dont’ feel comfortable to start CD’ing with the fact that I may be moving and not even knowing if/when/where. Also. this man I am with….I know that the reason I started dating him was the practice that rori advised and I have used it but I do not know how to “let” him go. how to move on without him. I am the best thing that has ever happened to him; I know it and he has told me as well, his friends and family, too. But he is not the one I want to spend my life with and so I don’t want to “step” it up anymore by giving him the
    speeches, because he may want more and I don’t. I consider us just dating, tho he has told me he loves me. I feel bad that I will have to leave him and I am not sure how to go about this…any suggestions?

  18.  #18Tzenny on October 6, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Hello everyone:

    I’m learning all of the tools and rules of being a siren. I’ve started on-line dating and I’m wondering is is okay to contact men by their profiles rather than wait for them to contact you? What are your suggestions. I can’t start CDing without dates 🙂

  19.  #19Daria on October 6, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    oooh love this to do for thinking of my parents!!

    from Scott Noelle at the Daily Groove ~
    ‘:: The Choosing Ritual ::

    1. Get two sheets of notebook paper and cut
    each one into 8 pieces.

    2. On each of the first 8 pieces, write a brief
    description of something you *appreciate* about
    your child and/or being a parent. Fold them in
    half and place them in a small container (bowl,
    jar, plastic tub, etc.). Label the container
    with a plus sign or a smiley face.

    3. On each of the second 8 pieces, describe
    something you find *annoying* or *frustrating*
    about your child and/or being a parent.
    Fold and place them in a second container
    marked with a minus sign or a frowning face.

    4. (Optional) Decorate each container more
    extensively with symbols and colors that
    emphasize the positive/negative contrast.

    5. Complete your “altar” for the ritual by placing
    the two containers side by side in a location
    where you’ll notice them often (or use a
    kitchen timer to remind you every hour).

    Now let the ritual begin: Every time you see this
    “altar” (or the timer goes off), you must reach into
    ONE of the two containers, pull out a note, and read
    it. In other words…

    You must CHOOSE whether to focus on the
    positive or the negative.

    As you choose, notice that you *are* choosing, and
    feel the enormous power you wield in that choice.
    You literally *create* your experience through your

    Beware the trap of thinking you “should” choose one or
    the other; choose whichever one you *feel* like
    choosing. It’s your choice!”

  20.  #20Susan on October 6, 2011 at 12:59 pm


    You did good, Hon. You felt panicky AND HE NOTICED. then you explained it in feeling messages and he responded well. I bet he does call you. (After he sits and thinks in his man cave for a while.) And if he doesn’t call again? You had a nice experience and got to practice.

    The way you talk about how you feel physically makes me wonder if you are coming down with something. The flu or a cold, maybe?

  21.  #21marina on October 6, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    hi FW,
    I am not sure but perhaps your face showed a micro expression of what you were feeling at first and the guys were aware of this? I think this is something that body language experts and experts on lying talk about (not saying you were lying).
    I’ve had this happen sometimes as well. I was telling a woman about my activities during my previous job. When I talked about the sales pary I had a heavy feeling (never fely good at it nor enjoyed it very much). It was only a split second. But it was the first thing she asked me about bc she said she saw a quick shadow coming over when I talked about while the rest of my story and feelings were happy and enthousiastic. I think there must be some youtube vids about those micro expressions.


  22.  #22MiRi on October 6, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    This new post by Rori comes just in time! <3
    I'm one of those women who can't help but over-analyzing things, over-guessing, always be "result-oriented" (even in personal relationships)…
    I feel relieved it's okay to just enjoy the path, whatever it is and wherever it may lead me to…
    The path is pretty.
    I still feel tension when I'm reading "the end is unknown", I feel afraid when I don't know…

  23.  #23Ella on October 6, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Susan re 20

    You are an inspiration to me!

    Hope all is still blissful with your Sweetie.


  24.  #24Ella on October 6, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    FW from previous post.

    Wow cool about your Zumba teacher getting people to scream! He he.

    I don’t think I could do that with my ladies… it would scare the heck out of them… although there is a bit in one dance where I get them to do an impression of an animal and encourage them to roar!

    Not many do though.


  25.  #25Ella on October 6, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Hmmm, recieved this from one of my CDs… the one who left my room that night and said he wanted to take me on a date… and hasn’t been in touch.

    The one I felt a bit weird with, like I was somehow demanding something and he was somehow holding something back.

    He has not dated a woman or been with a woman for over a year…

    I recieved this text from him:

    ‘Hey Ella. Hope your ok? I’m just writing to apologise to you that I have not called (cause I said I would) I have just been mega busy with work and I am still a little confused with things at the moment! I’m sure your not too bothered 🙂 x’



    Not too sure how I feel recieving that.

    I mean he is ok however I not too bothered.

    Still feels kinda weird though. Confusing.

    Not really what I want, which is my man coming at me consistently.

    And also I appreciate he is human and we all have issues.

    I replied ‘Hey … No worries. We are all confused in our own way! 🙂 Yes I’m all good here thanks. x’

    He has texted back a couple of times with random chit chat.

    I am not going to reply to the last one as no need.

    Maybe we will be friends.

    Interesting/slightly off though.

    I wonder what is happening here.

  26.  #26Daria on October 6, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Hi Jean – some things that help me with CDing in an area i don’t think i’ll be in a long time – although i’ve noticed i haven’t been using a lot of my energy to practice dating here (where i am temporarity)

    1. CDing is for practice FOR GROWING MYSELF and not for finding someone to settle down with. That means even if I am somewhere for a week, i can continue my practice –

    2. any moment i spend with a man while being authentic and practicing expressing that is a blessing for him

    I wish i had been more active CDing here, well I am being gentle with myself – now noticing I did CD a lot in NY and i did do SOME CDing here as well

  27.  #27Susan on October 6, 2011 at 2:12 pm



    So far, so good on the Sweetie front, LOL! I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact we will have been together a year by the end of the month. And he is very good to me. I feel very lucky. I’ve dated many “Danny-Don’ts”… I hope to never have to do that again, but thanks to Rori, I know I could if I had to.

  28.  #28Daria on October 6, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Ella – wow! the truth for me, i felt great reading it until the end, then i felt ick and made a disgusty face

    i dont want to feel that way! ew!

  29.  #29Ella on October 6, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Errr so today I am experiencing people and CDs being nosy.

    CD1 has been calling and calling since I have gone offline a bit (I was out on a date last night and then working today).

    He asked to meet up tomorrow and I said I was not free however I was free to meet up over the weekend.

    He texted ‘what are you doing tomorrow?’

    Huh? I feel a bit defensive, should I say that?

    I feel afraid of creating drama.

    I just feel like ‘wha? Its none of your business dude! We have not even been on a a date!!!!’


    What to reply?

  30.  #30Ella on October 6, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Daria what of his message or mine?


  31.  #31Susan on October 6, 2011 at 2:29 pm


    His question: “29: ‘what are you doing tomorrow?’

    Possible answers:
    “I plan to spend time with a friend.”
    “I have plans.”
    “Just taking care of things…”
    “I plan to be abducted by aliens.”

    Side-step the question with a smile.

  32.  #32Susan on October 6, 2011 at 2:30 pm


    My absolute favorite answer to a question that is just too nosy is:

    “Now, there’s a question…”

    And then I say nothing else.

  33.  #33Ella on October 6, 2011 at 2:33 pm


    Thanks, I’ll commit those to memory for future… in the end he made it easy for me. He text again something about my business and how he had some ideas and it is a shame I am not free tomorrow.

    Feels a tinsy bit like a lil testing of my boundaries maybe?

    Anyway I replied ‘Wow, I feel appreciative of your input. It will feel good to hear your ideas. And mooching soon would feel nice 🙂 I am not free tomorrow though. xx’

    I feel quite pleased with how I handled that.


  34.  #34Ella on October 6, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Susan re 32

    He he – love it! 🙂

  35.  #35Ella on October 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Owww, what an interesting night for CDs, and boundaries and practice.

    So CD2 (from last night) just text again (he text earlier too 🙂 )

    He already asked again to meet up soon.

    And he seems to be taking it towards sexual.

    Although he has been lovely and step up, and from what I can tell and feel he isn’t a womaniser (although obvoiously I don’t know) he keeps just pushing to see if he can get it more sexual direction…

    I have not let it go that way. And he has been respectful.

    He has made it now secret that he feels really attracted to me and he wants to kiss me a lot.

    And last night I was saying how I like days in bed but only for good reasons like if it is snowing and there is a fire, and champagne and a good boxset to watch.

    Now he is texting that he has a box set… and is looking forward to a rainy or snowy day!!!!

    Also telling me that he is just out the shower and looking hench!!

    He he he… wee this is kinda fun.

    I feel amused by all this tonight.

    CD1 wants to call tomorrow.


    Not sure how to respond to CD2 re the shower stuff yet.

    Owww, I love this practice.

  36.  #36Susan on October 6, 2011 at 2:42 pm


    You handled that VERY well! I am picking up shades of controlling behavior from him, but that might just be him trying to impress you with how smart he is.

    Men test boundaries just like little kids do. It’s perfectly normal and healthy.

  37.  #37Susan on October 6, 2011 at 2:45 pm


    “Although he has been lovely and step up, and from what I can tell and feel he isn’t a womaniser (although obvoiously I don’t know) he keeps just pushing to see if he can get it more sexual direction… ”

    Also very normal and healthy. You can gently apply brakes – that is a lot easier than trying to stoke the fire, LOL!

    You have some interesting stuff going on right now!!!

  38.  #38Ella on October 6, 2011 at 3:15 pm


    CD1 yes I sometimes feel a lil defensive when it feels like attempts at control…

    Maybe not meant to be, but good practice anyway.

    Not to be confused with CD2 who so far I feel good with and is the one who is steering a lil towards sexual.

    Which feels ok as long as is slowly.


  39.  #39Daria on October 6, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Ella – i feel a lil confused… i was reading his message to you, and was feeling all smily happily even thru the confused part .. .i felt a lil confused but chalked it up to him feeling confused about work…

    and then when i read the part that – well he wrote something but I HEARD – “not that you care anyway…”

    and i felt ICK and turned off

    i don’t feel good reading that!

    i feel upset when a man says something like that to me and i don’t want to feel that way

  40.  #40Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Ella – #13:

    “There was one odd feeling bit (for me) where he was talking and I was listening and I recalled something posted on here about how a man will fidget and touch his face if he is attracted to you.”

    Oh my gosh, I didn’t know about the fidgeting and face-touching! When I first met F., he was not only touching his face, but almost hiding it with one hand. I kept wondering why he was doing that but now I know. He told me that same day that he thought I was beautiful and that he was worrying (before we met) about not finding attractive.

    Anyway, Ella, I’m glad your date went well and that he kept in touch. He sounds like a good man. 🙂

  41.  #41Ella on October 6, 2011 at 3:33 pm


    Yes I felt a litle weird reading that bit too…

    And was just unsure how to express.

    And did not feel like reassuring as he has not been stepping up anyway.

    Wonder if I could have said something like ‘oh it feels a little weird/bad to hear that you think I am not bothered’


    It is too late now though as have already replied.

  42.  #42Ella on October 6, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Lyka re 40,


    And it still feels slightly worrying to me that he does not do any of those things with me!

    Stuff like touching his face, re-arranging his clothes, moving his drink into my space on the table, pointing his feet towards me…

    I start to feel worried/anxious that he is not attracted.

    And then his behaviour says something else (like he is attracted).


    Sirens any ideas on this?

    Although I do know one thing – worrying about it will not help at all! So I choose not to do that.


  43.  #43Daria on October 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Do you believe you deserve a great relationship – for no reason except that you are YOU?” what’s your answer?

    well no because im not capable of even creating a comfortable lifestlye for myself where i feel powerful and in charge of my destiny with a nice clean lovely natural spot to live where I feel emotionally safe and supported

    If you answered, “No, I guess I don’t,” then you’re not alone.

    We all feel like that sometimes.

  44.  #44Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Ella – #42:

    I don’t believe there’s any need to worry. To tell you the truth, it was the first time I noticed a man doing that in my presence so maybe it’s true that he doesn’t usually do that?

  45.  #45Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    What I meant to say is I don’t believe ALL men act the same way.

  46.  #46Daria on October 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    “We all feel insecure and unworthy at times, so it’s not so much what you believe about yourself at any given moment that makes the difference when you’re dealing with a man.”

    wow really?

    So what is it that makes that difference?

    It’s what you CHOOSE to DO in that moment!”


    actually Daria, you have created a wonderful and comfortable lifestyle close to your family, where you enjoy awesome activities like learning and also being around friends, and you pretty much are awesome


  47.  #47Daria on October 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    i don’t WANT to think about whether he’s attracted to me, i just want to assume he is and get all focused on myself and how im feeling about myself

  48.  #48Ella on October 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Daria re 47

    Me too however I am not there yet!

    I DO still think about whether they are attracted to me! Even though I don’t want to.


  49.  #49Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Oh, I KNOW they are attracted to me! lol! 😉

  50.  #50Daria on October 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    more Scott Noelle – gosh i love this stuff!

    “When conventional wisdom says, “Love the child, hate
    the behavior,” and you’d rather respond with pure Love,
    here’s a simple fill-in-the-blank exercise for finding
    a way to love your child’s “misbehavior” as it arises…

    “I don’t want this behavior,
    and I may choose not to tolerate this behavior,
    but I accept that it is what’s happening,
    here and now,
    and I LOVE this behavior because
    ____________________ , and
    ____________________ , and…”

    Come up with as many ways as you can to use this behavior
    as an excuse to open your heart. Some examples:

    I love this behavior because…

    …it’s a clear sign that my child needs help.

    …it gives me an opportunity to practice staying
    connected to my inner power, unconditionally.

    …it reminds me how grateful I am just that my child is alive!

    Bottom line: You hold the key to your own heart. And you’re
    free to unlock it for any reason, or no reason at all.”

  51.  #51Daria on October 6, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Ella – hmm, i guess i sometimes do too, maybe, feeling a lil lost tryna remember…

    but no matter, i will just choose to assume they are, even if i find myself feeling insecure

    i assume all men are attracted to me

  52.  #52Ella on October 6, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Lyka re 49

    ‘Like’ 🙂

    I know they are attracted to me too…

    Until I get in a real, romantic/intimate situation with one… then suddenly I forget and feel afraid and doubtful.


    Wow I loved how f8cked up I am – I embrace it in fact.

    That is what all this practice is for.

  53.  #53Ella on October 6, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Re 51

    I am going to do that too.

    I choose to assume that all men are attracted to me… even if I feel insecure.

    So, if I end up in situations where I feel doubtful again, I will say to the man, instead of that I am worrying about whether he is attracted, I will say ‘I am feeling a little insecure’

    Or something like that.

    Or maybe just notice and then choose to assume he IS attracted anyway.

    Thank You.

  54.  #54Ella on October 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Ha ha… loads of stuff coming up for me around sex with CD2.

    So he asked me why I said I felt weird about hearing from him about him being fresh out the shower etc…

    I explored how I actually feel and then said how I realised I was being triggered and feeling a lil paranoid that men will just want to sleep with me really quickly and that actually romance stuff feels better to me.

    Interesting because I feel a lot of conflict, cus the truth is I REALLY want to have sex at the moment!

    And lots of it!

    Feels so conflicted when I am trying to put CDs off getting sexual too quickly.

    It always works and feels best for me to take it slowly when it comes to sex with a new man, however I feel friggin HORNY!!!



    I feel frustrated and hungry for passion.


    And it is worth taking my time because I want to feel valued and respected and safe.

  55.  #55Daria on October 6, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    wow Ella I love how you said that to him… so authentic.. awesome!!!

  56.  #56Ella on October 6, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    Hmmm, I forgot what a Goddess I am again!


    Worked too hard and forgot about me!

    Well, tomorrow shall be ‘ME’ day, and I shall go slow and take good and best care of me!

    Btw – apart from drinking lots of water, exfoliating and using moisturiser, does anyone know how to deal with dehydrated skin and big, open pores on my face?

  57.  #57Ella on October 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Thanks Daria


    Sure felt good!

  58.  #58Daria on October 6, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    VideoCd bought a bunch of panties hehe for me…


    i feel good!

    i want gifts from men!

    lots of lovely material things!

    i felt inspired by Carol Allen and finally got a glimmer of how astrology could work for me…

    revisioning everything from a feminine perspective

    and seeing how my moon and venus signs are actually more important for me as a woman

    than my sun and mars

    woo hooo

    and noticing how she says venus and moon are wat a man wants in a woman,

    then sun and mars for me are what i want in a man

    while venus is what a relationship would fulfill me, and moon is my feminine nature

    so sun in gemini and mars in libra is indeed for me i feel attracted to intelligent and social men


    and yet for relationship i want stability for venus in taurus and slow romantic sex sensuality, AND i want depth and power in the world in a spiritual deep way and to feel supported in that with my moon in capriconr

    im exploring capricorn as a female goddess, as the stories im finding are male yet it is a female sign ha!

    i love dropping all the controlling and negative interpretations and have tos and asking goddess to show me whats the power of the sign

    eeee that feels so good

    im finaly starting to use astrology for my own feel goodness i was expecting this to happen

  59.  #59Daria on October 6, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Ella – for dehydrated skin you can order dried comfrey and drink lots of Comfrey infusion

    also i am going to use reconstructing serums for my face, they are heavy duty reconstructors that regenarate skin

    i would personally not exfoliate or moisturize my skin with anything with chemicals but if you want to do that i would do it if it felt good to me

    also skin brushing the skin on my face softly and paying attention to follow the lymph flows – Marcie Javril has free videos on youtube how to do lymphatic massage on face

  60.  #60Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Ella – #56:

    I have the same problem you do. I exfoliate every day when I shower in the morning (even though it’s not recommended), I use St. Ives abricot scrub, it’s quite gentle, actually. I also use green clay (face mask), at least twice a week and I have this wonderful oil that I found (Bio-Oil). It’s great for dehydrated skin, but also for stretch marks, uneven skin tones, scars, aging skin, etc. It also smells heavenly!

  61.  #61Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Daria – #58:

    I am a Capricorn, so I am a Goddess! 🙂

    I always knew that.

  62.  #62Ella on October 6, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Thanks Daria and Lyka.

    Yes I have tried some Bio oil of my Mum’s keep meaing to buy some.

    Do you know if its chemical free Lyka?


  63.  #63Ella on October 6, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    I am a Virgo and I am a Goddess!


  64.  #64Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    Ella, there’s BHT (conservation agent) in it 🙁 and Cetearyl Ethylhexanoate and Isopropyl Myristate, whatever that is…

    Darn, it does sounds chemical to me…but I’m still trying it out. I just bought the bottle and my face is way softer and smoother after one week.

  65.  #65Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    I just thought of something else, Ella: pure emu oil is something else you could try.

  66.  #66Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Good night, Sirens, I’m going to read and go to sleep soon. My eyes are burning.

  67.  #67Daria on October 6, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    Ella – when i was drinking a whole bunch of comfrey infusion i was feeling so surprised to notice how glowy and amazingly moisturized my skin was feeling… it felt like i was tropical

  68.  #68Daria on October 6, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    I noticed it after a few days.

    also when i was drinking a lot my skin was not feeling so healthy it felt kinda dry and also got pimples more and i also now have some red spots on my cheeks that haven’t gone away yet

  69.  #69Emerson on October 6, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    From the previous post somebody mentioned Rori’s quote (dont recall who sorry)
    “Don’t tell him what you think, don’t analyze, just be the sexy, busy, happy, easy-going girl you’re starting to be, and let him be who he is around you. Love, Rori”

    Yes, I can do this except for maybe the easy going part…I tend to be emotionally intense and sometimes I can’t help it. Like today Recycled triggered me and I before I knew it, I kind of “lashed out” at him saying “good for you I don’t care!” very snotty and not nice and I immediately regretted it.

    He was being insensitive but still…that is not a feeling message. I should have said it feels bad to hear that or something else. Frustrated siren here (with myself).

    Dammit Emerson why are you so ruled by your feelings. I feel like I wanted to say other stuff too, like tell him I am not a piece of meat. I did tell him I have a heart and I’m a person and a human being and I have feelings. Hostile and passive aggressive much (me)?
    I’m going overboard trying to tell him HEAR ME, CARE ABOUT ME!!!!!!! He says he cares but….???
    He also doesn’t hold grudges. He softens quickly when there is “drama.” 🙄 sigh

  70.  #70Emerson on October 6, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Where is DE???

  71.  #71LILI 41 on October 6, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    I read something of Rori’s that said that we should hang around women who have relationships that work.
    I’ve been with my friend through divorce, then 5 years of one heartbreak after another.
    I can’t get over how much she has learned and has evolved through it all since then, from being needy to strong, yet soft.
    She doesn’t live with her man. She has an outting with coworkers tomorrow. She will be taking her young daughter to her mother’s while she goes out, and she will be sleeping over at her mom’s house with her daughter.
    Her man insisted on staying at her appartment with her daughter so he could be there when she got home from her night out and spend the night with her. She said, no honey the outting is close to my mom’s house, and I will be too tired to drive 1 hour to get back home so late, but thank you for your offer, we will catch up the next day.

    WOW! What a Siiiiren! This man is all over her!
    3 years ago, she would have said “Yes honey” in a heartbeat…But that’s at a time she kept getting her heart broken over and over again.
    Now, she keeps the focus on herself and takes care of herself above all…and the man is tripping all over her and sticking around like glue.
    He even wanted to cancell his upcoming hunting trip with the boys bc he was going to miss her too much. She said, no no, you love hunting, you should do the things you love.
    She takes her own space and leaves him his and he is all over her!

    What a great example of a sireny goddess!

  72.  #72Emerson on October 6, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    I can’t keep up with the blog these days…so fast. I’m so busy lately (btw I HATE when people say they are “busy”!) lol

    Amazing me I was laughing on the other post where you said “hello sirens” in a man’s voice….haha lol you are so funny. Hope you had fun on your date and feeling better:-)

  73.  #73Emerson on October 6, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    “You should have a travel agent cuz you a trip”

    lololol I just heard this in a song

  74.  #74Emoticon on October 6, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    “I read something of Rori’s that said that we should hang around women who have relationships that work.” – LILI 41

    Thanx Lil for bringing this up! I’m in a very difficult situation in that I live with my friend and her bf n right now I just feel uncomfortable. He seems toxic to me. Actually they both do. They argue to the point of breaking stuff like electrical equipment -_-

    Last night she n I spent a few hours after she got off work with a friend on campus for her birthday. We got home around midnight. He was supposed 2 be spending the night at his mom’s house but came in right after us like he was out looking 4 us. He was really upset n she tried to explain to him where we came from n that she didn’t call cuz my phone was dead ( she doesn’t have 1). He didn’t listen just cursed her out n left. He came back a few mins later and threw all her stuff on the floor and told her to get out of the room. I tried 2 get her 2 sleep in my room, but she cried, said she wanted 2 break up with him n slept on the floor in the livingroom. (We don’t have couches yet) it was just crazy 2 me. 2day she brought it up with me and was laughing about it n making excuses for him. I just didn’t say much. Now I’m sitting here listening to her explaining to him again and it sounds almost like she’s pleading. Smh I don’t feel good being here with them.

  75.  #75alias girl lol on October 6, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    70 emerson… she changed her …


  76.  #76GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    #6 Kath I know what it feels like to experience this kind of irrational stuff w a man you love. I feel for you… and imagine you wanna make it all better for him…

    …hope he can get to a better place. I really feel this post.

  77.  #77Daria on October 6, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    thank you daria. today i learned about natural infant hygene

    and other stuff

    and am feeling tired

    thank you daria for noticing

    thanj you for washing the dishes

    thank you for taking good care of me in general

    and being a beautiful kind and encouraging goddess

    thank you for being a powerful goddess taht can transform anything

    thank you for being able to bend iron bars, and shift outcomes and mindsets, and free captured people

    thank you for being so inspiring promoting healing and freedom

    thank you for creating a wonderful stable and admired life of sensual beauty

    thank you for healing with your sexual energy and thank you fro giving me lots of amazing mind blowing and earthshattering orgasms even more amazing than what i would have imagined

    mmm you rock

    thank you for naturally and instantly supporting my desires and my heart

    thank you for quickly and so powerfully loving my fears and soothing me


    thank you for creating amazing and deeply satisfying relationships for me

    thank you for so deeply communicating and interacting with spirit

    thank you for taking me on amazing movie and book worhty spirit adventures

    thank you for writing amazing stuff and creating cool intriguing characters and sharing deep powerful stories that sing

    thank you for singing with your beautiful voice

    thank you for healing my toes and straightening them to health and beauty


    thank you for healing all of me

    thank you for rhythmically flowing my blood through and out of me with the cycles

    thank you for being so aware of the shifts of the stars planets and moon

    thank you for being so connected and hearing the plants and animals and minerals and elements

    thank you for blessing my water and food

    thank you for dancing AMAZINGLY

    thank you for massaging and stretching my body

    thank you for brushing and massaging and caring for my hair

    thank you for making cool designs in my hair

    thank you for making me awesome jewelry

    thank you for taking me to rest and creating what i need to rest deeply and powerfully

    thank you for making me laugh

    thank you for honoring my expression of joy and grief and shock and fear and anger naturally and around others

    thank you for noticing men noticing me and holding eye contact and smiling and opening my heart

    thank you for being brave, and committed and Desiring, and powerful, and rested, and always telling me im enough and i don’t have to do anything

    thank you for creating fun for me

    and cooking yummy food

    and feeling so engaged in my activities

    thank you for healing my shoulder and for finding creative ways to make my computer use healthier and healthier


    thank you for drawing pretty pictures and creating awesome works of art

  78.  #78GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    #5 FW Thanks, I needed that (mirror)!

  79.  #79Daria on October 6, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Emerson – DE is around , she has changed her name. i will let her say if she wants to share that she’s She

  80.  #80Mel on October 6, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Hey sirens!

    How do you deal with this situation…

    You’re CDing a guy for practice. He’s perfectly nice, not unattractive, but you’re not really feeling into him. He, on the other hand, is really into you. It’s the end of the night and you’re getting the sense that he wants to kiss you, but you’re not feeling it AT ALL.

    So what do you do?

    As an aside… Sexy Sarcastic is MIA. Boo! I want to send a text that says “Dude, what gives?! Should I delete you from my Blackberry or what?” But… I will refrain! The crazy thing is that I have this feeling he’s going to email me tomorrow and be like hey, let’s do something… and I’m going to have to say… um, I’m all booked (even double-booked) this weekend!

    Would it be appropriate to say something like
    “Awww… shoot! I feel disappointed that I won’t get to see you this weekend, but I’m all booked up. It would feel so much better to make plans with you ahead of time because I really enjoy spending time with you! What do you think?”

    Ideas? Thanks ladies!

  81.  #81Daria on October 6, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Emerson – i have noticed i am more quickly making the changes in behavior when i don’t beat myself up about noticing i made a mistake, but rather say , yes how exciting! i noticed!!

    the voices sometimes come back and say, yeah for the thousandth time!! and then i say yes amazing wow this means im healing

    i use a visual from Rori of “put the hammer down”. As if i have a giant cartoon hammer im hammering myself into the ground with Wily Coyote style. andt hen i just put it to the side

    HOWEVER! – that means… i feel the feelings of having made that choice instead.

    sometimes it feels less scary – more comfortable and familiar – to beat myself up or criticize myself than to feel the feelings under that

    the feelings are usually something like hopelessness, deep sadness,

    sometimes even humiliation, terror, fury

    so yeah, it’s still worth it cuz feeling them fully means i go thru them and then they change, not holding on to the Thoughts that send me into ick over and over

    and then im even more powerful

  82.  #82Daria on October 6, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Mel – i like your message about feeling disappointed… about ‘plans ahead of time,’ sure, if you want, but i kinda think he will just figure it out on his own, i mean i feel a lil bit icky thinking that its kinda “leading him” to what you want

    i mean there’s nothing that you Don’t want… right? that you could let him know?

    like, i don’t want to take last minute plans?

    if that’s not the case, then just telling him hta tyou feel disappointed and are all booked – that’s enough for him to figure it out and step up and start booking you ahead of time

  83.  #83LILI 41 on October 6, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    I am learning how to cd in every way!

    I have been resisting someone temporarily taking over my boss’s place, with my boss having left.
    No one told me that he should be taking over, he just imposed himself. He’s from another dept on top of it.
    I was very insecure and controlling to protect my ego and my territory. I felt so scared about the outcome if I were to let him takeover.
    I just let it go, sank into my feelings and let them be there and just felt them. I suddenly felt those feelings of insecurity leave. I then felt present in the moment at my meeting with him.
    I realized that I always admired him as a leader in his own dept. I decided to lean back and open up to what he had to offer. When I finally shut up, stopped resisting and just let him give what he wanted to give …it turned out to be such a great learning experience!
    I admire his leadership skills, and what better than to have the opportunity to learn from someone I admire. This might be the only chance I ever get to work with this person I admire, bc I have a new boss coming at the end of the month. Why not take full advantage of this opportunity.
    My whole vibe has shifted into being open and receiving.
    To me, this is a type of cd. Has nothing to do with flirting or even the slightest interest other than professional. This is a type of cd where I just learned how to just BE & RECEIVE with a man, even if it has nothing to do with romance. I spent most of my day in a meeting with him letting him give me his input. It was a tremendous learning experience! His way of analysing and looking at things is really inspiring.

    Just as I was back at my desk, thinking about all this, sinking into my feeling of fullfillment and peace…the phone rang. It was my romantic cd (D) who had been withdrawing for a while, while sticking around just enough to keep me hanging.
    He must have felt my different vibe, bc his tone was completely different. He sounded so happy to be talking to me and so eager to see me. He was even going to bring his son back to his mother to come see me.
    But me being all “taking care of me” now, I said that I felt sick with the cold and needed to get to bed extra early. Then I said that it would feel good to see him when we would have more time to spend together. He said tomorrow night and the day after would be great. He’s comitting to 2 dates? Wow! Him planning ahead for 2 dates is a complete step up! For months, he had been planning only 2 minutes ahead.
    I love this feeling of being open in the present moment and being rid of the NVs. 🙂
    That when I feel confident and I feel I am saying all the right things.
    I feel so peaceful right now, for the 1st time in I don’t even know how long. 🙂

  84.  #84Daria on October 6, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Daria you are rockin rocikn rockin balboa!!

    I love how you created the street at the end of your roadway to be a block and hangout spot for your friends and I can always go there and hang out and feel comfortalbe and superstarish and adored


    and loved!

  85.  #85Mel on October 6, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Thanks Daria! That’s great advice! 🙂

  86.  #86Emoticon on October 6, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Feel bad 4 her, feel like she’s walkin on eggshells

  87.  #87LILI 41 on October 6, 2011 at 7:38 pm


    lolololololololololololol 😀

    Love that one Emerson! lololol 🙂

  88.  #88Daria on October 6, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    Lili – your posts about work and practicing the tools there feel so intriguing and inspiring to me… thank you for sharing… im reading and learning

    you sound awesome

  89.  #89VW on October 6, 2011 at 7:43 pm


    I feel happy to see u back and feeling it:) What happened? I would love to connect with u on Skype 🙂

    Warm hugs,

  90.  #90LILI 41 on October 6, 2011 at 7:44 pm


    Emoticon, your friend needs some Rori.

    I hope for your sake you won’t have to live in that bad vibe environment for too long.

    Can you lead her to Rori?

  91.  #91LILI 41 on October 6, 2011 at 7:46 pm


    Thanks Daria!
    Your comment feels good and encouraging.

  92.  #92Emoticon on October 6, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    I try to share the articles with her. But sometimes she gets defensive even when I speak abt relationships generally. So then I just leave her but I’d love 4 her to c the light.

  93.  #93VW on October 6, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    Gosh, getting ready for a 2nd date…okay, maybe 4th?

    I have butterflies…i feel a bit anxious…I feel happy to see him and a bit afraid of “shit” happening…:( sigh…

    I want to believe I will be okay no matter what…sigh 🙁 sadness is all over me thinking that…:( why?

    This came out of the blue…sooo surprised…in a good way of course…my heart is pounding…i am unzipping it…deep breath…opening pelvis…feeling my yin…i feel vulnerable…:(

  94.  #94LILI 41 on October 6, 2011 at 7:58 pm


    She’s just not ready, not open yet. She hasn’t suffered enough yet.
    At times, I have felt like shaking up my friend for the same reason. I just supported her in what she was going through without getting involved, and just listened and threw ideas/suggestions at her once in a while, while staying detached. But she ended up learning and growing on her own just fine.
    She’s a flying goddess now! and how proud she is to have come such a long way by her own will.

    But we can do it for them.

  95.  #95LILI 41 on October 6, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    94: LILI 41 says:

    I mean: We can’t do it for them.

  96.  #96Emoticon on October 6, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    LILI 41 I feel u, that’s what I’m trying to do now.

  97.  #97GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    #13 Ella When I first started practicing leaning back, it made me extremely tired… I could only do it about an hour at a time at most. Then I was jumping inside to get away and go into boy energy bc that’s what I was used to. Little by little, I could do it for longer at a time.

    Maybe practicing all this is partly what made you feel tired?

  98.  #98GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    #86 Emoticon I just read Tinque’s article about walking on eggshells on the Love Romance Relationship site.

  99.  #99Emoticon on October 6, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Oh yes GingerSky! I came across it but then I forgot to go back to it. Thanx for reminding me.

  100.  #100GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    #67 Daria I feel concerned… comfrey can be very dangerous (even deadly) but you probably already know all about that.

    I would just feel bad if I didn’t say it, in case you didn’t know. There’s tons of other skin glowy herb teas etc anyway as you know. Don;t want anything happening to you bad xo.

  101.  #101GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    #99 Emoticon You’re welcome… I feel happy… that’s why I mentioned it, in case of something like that!

    I’m really really tired… NSM is acting very difficult… yet he is very happy about it.

    I have a new housemate for the moment, a wonderful sensitive strong awesome comforting guy who has become an immediate, huge support and friend… like he was called to me for this purpose and I called him in (thank You, Creator). He’s so caring and kind and a good insightful listener, acepting of me warts and all, non-judgmental but opinionated and honest, and can handle NSM’s hard ways… a friend, a brother, and a really huge gift.

    I also have *amazing support* from my beloved ex #1. Wow, he is super and he “gets” it… can’t reconnect as partners but still *totally* love each other & have each others backs. I am blessed.

    I miss my incredibly sweet, totally amazing old times with NSM, so perfect… so rich… so healing and which made me feel all my beauty and splendor… and I am in withdrawal… gave this website and my screen name to a new woman we’ve met, who is amazing… and realized she & NSM have a very sweet and extremely sparkly deep compatible connection going on (and her bf just left?), and this makes me sad too. Just needed to say that and get it out… thanks all.

    She is very happy in herself and is leaning back…

    New amazing woman friend, if you’re here, please know that just bc NSM & me broke up, I am *still* in love with him and it still feels very bad and painful to notice your connection with him — it’s *just* so much like how my connection with him *used* to be… so fun, shiny and new… where he shows his *super* best side, talks to you like you’re really special & cute & important, and isn’t angry, triggered, critical & upset toward you (as he has been with pretty much me and everyone else lately… and as is contiuously his habit for years w *everyone* eventually, except for one or two people who’ve been here in past).

    The connection he has with you seems to make him so happy and feeling so strong (plus I know he engages with people online, as he almost always was while we were together after the first phases)…

    This feels mixed up for me, bc I like him feeling good, it used to be me making that for him, and it’s my aim to contribute to that… but it feels really bad that it’s with you and not with me… and you are SO amazing in so many ways, and young, and gorgeous, and heck I like you a ton, as you know! Maybe you and him are just friends, I am not sure how it will all land or maybe alrady *has* landed at this point. I have no “rights” over him, but just needed to say this, and it feels super-good to get this out here. This is my FM for the evening… so far.

    Such can be the realities of life in intentional community… like a small village sort of.

    I’m learning to take care of me… to learn to own my beauty and splendor all on myown and because it is mine and I need no one to “make” me able to feel that… it’s up and down… and is a great and HIGHLY needed journey I wish I’d done & understood earlier in life. Sometimes I feel so strong wise and brilliant, and sometimes more like the kid I was, moving all the time and not belonging anywhere… am extremely grateful for many Sirens and Rori & Tinque… and great and amazing friends, both men and women.

    Will keep leaning back, using the tools and taking care of me. I’m getting better, step by step… babysteps… and celebrations for each one! Love reading everyone’s posts, esp the sassy ones, happy ones, honest ones, sad/mad ones, and the insightful ones, and of course as always, Daria’s.

    Thank you for this place to put my honest feelings. It is so healing and grounding for me. I’ve NEVER been able to have a place to do this… and it’s good to just be my true self here and know it’s okay. Don’t wanna bring *anyone* down, just need this in order to feel centered through all this transition here. Hugs to all.

  102.  #102Tiffany on October 6, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    I love Rori’s post today!

    It was exactly what I needed to read when I got up this morning 🙂

  103.  #103Becky Boo on October 6, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    So how do you bring up things in the relationship that are making you uncomfortable? I have to be honest that I don’t even know how or what makes me feel comfortable when it comes to money. I don’t feel I should let him pay for EVERYTHING but at the same time, I also feel uncomfortable whipping out my credit card (especially when I know he makes four times as much as I do he he he) Can anyone give me a really good perspective on how to handle the whole money thing?

  104.  #104Tiffany on October 6, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    My head is still reeling from the news I just got from my mom. But I feel also strangely copacetic about it.

    First, I have to say that I feel very proud of myself, too. We were having a very tense conversation about money. And I became aware, as I listened to her, that she was changing the topic, and also that her statements were blaming instead of supportive.

    I noticed how I felt tightness in the pit of my stomach, and how uncomfortable it made me feel.

    In past times, I might have lost my cool at this point, and gotten angry in a hurt way. But today, I stayed calm. I don’t remember what I said to her exactly. But I kept my cool and did not lash out or get excited.

    Yay me!

    And then she dropped the bomb…But I dealt with that one fairly well, too. Life sure does have a way of throwing curve balls at us, doesn’t it…?

  105.  #105Debbie A. on October 6, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    My husband is got out going personality where he talks to everyone and it makes me jealous especially on Facebook he has 400 friends and almost all women how can I handle this?

  106.  #106GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    #69 Emerson This sounds like my relationship here! I am so often serene, but can be just like you describe… like parts of me are matured & parts of me just *aren’t*… NSM used to soften with some drama too sometimes… said honest feelings coming out, even if negative, made him more comfortable and felingclose to me. Iam using everything in this relationship to kind of review and learn from, there is so much learning for me there.

    I look forward to hearing from you on how he reacts when you catch yourself and use feeling messages… I really wanna know |wink|

  107.  #107GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    #43 & #46 Thank you, Daria. So helpful and healing.

    #71 Lili41 This is so inspiring and uplifting… yay for her!

  108.  #108GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    #69 Emerson I see that maybe you can be an easy-going version of YOU? Like maybe envision a movie actress or someone else who;s a role model for seeming to be easy-going and self-fulfilled and yet still wonderfully intense…? It is likely true that it’s just our dependence on the man that makes the emo intensity not work… but if we are filling ourselves up and we are intense, then from all I’ve read from Rori, Christian, Tinque etc, a man who’s compatible with you is simply likely to see it as sexy… esp according to Christian I think.

    Anyway, food for thought |smiles|

  109.  #109Tiffany on October 6, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    Emerson – I loved what you wrote in your #69

    I feel that way a lot, too. Like why do I have to be so emotional and intense all the time! lol. I get it from my dad. And sometimes I feel like I want to change it.

    But reading what you said actually made me feel a bit more solid, and more compassionate toward myself. Because when I read what you wrote, I wanted to say something really nice.

    I want to say that, if that’s you, then that’s you! Any guy who likes you is not just going to like that about you, he’s going to LOVE you for it! And he’ll bring out your emotional intensity in a GOOD way, so that when you are together, you will feel intensely positive about him. And when you don’t, you will feel so safe expressing exactly what you need and how you feel, because no matter what, he’s not going to judge you.

    I actually just got a bit misty-eyed when I wrote that. Because I want to support you, and I want to say that to me, too. Because I DON’T have to feel bad about my feelings, and I DON’T have to tone myself down for anyone. And neither do you.

    In fact, I am often accused of speaking too softly. Maybe it is time for me to turn UP the volume! (in a good way) 🙂

    Good night, la-la ladies!

  110.  #110GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    #105 Debbie Tinque and Rori both have articles and tools etc on how to deal with your man’s “other women”. I bet this might be just what you need!

  111.  #111GingerSky on October 6, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    Lol I just realized that these two men who are being so supportive of me right now have the same last name (except for one letter)! And it’s the name of a hero from history… this makes me feel tickeld and happy!

  112.  #112Tiffany on October 6, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    BTW, I just found out that my mom has a “boyfriend.” He’s in his 80’s. She’s in her 50’s. That means their age difference is approximately…my age. Not to mention the fact that he’s older than my grandfather (her dad).

    Wow. Did NOT see that coming….

  113.  #113Debbie A. on October 6, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Ok how do you trust a man you married when your first husband cheated on you all the time and this one talks to everyone

  114.  #114marina on October 7, 2011 at 1:18 am

    Hi Daria,
    Thnx for your reply to me on the previous thread!

    I know about you doing EFT.
    I’ve watched some youtube vids on it and tried to do it myself. Feel a bit silly about it and I am not sure if I am doing it right. It doesn’t come automatic yet.

    Hihi I tried to imagine what you mean by stretching your tissues?
    I can’t see how it works?

    I sill think/feel about doing it through skype.
    Some weeks ago I was with a friend and she suddenly suggested some exercises from Linda Keen to get earthed and something happened and a lot emotions and tears came forward

  115.  #115marina on October 7, 2011 at 1:23 am

    oh oh typos…

    And that was almost too much for me in that moment.
    I felt like throwing up and a lot of pain and stiffness in my spine around my 3rd & 4th chakra.
    It did clear a little after this ‘session’.
    I think I would want to be in a room with another person if something like that comes up.


  116.  #116marina on October 7, 2011 at 1:25 am

    Tiffany,I love what you wrote to Emerson 🙂

  117.  #117JoAnn Myrvold on October 7, 2011 at 1:46 am

    Hi Rori, I just discovered your website tonight. I’ve been in a relationship with Lee for 15 years now. Four years ago he walked out on me when I probabally needed him the most. 3 months previous to his leaving my father committed suicide. Our relationship had not been good for quite some time at that point, but I never thought he would just leave without even saying good-bye. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. It was hard enough losing my dad the way I did, but then to lose Lee 3 months later left me absolutely devastated. I really lost all hope, I became a shell of a person. Lee did contact me about 2 week’s after he left, but that was to pretty much tell me he was leaving the state. Oh he had it all planned out. He had gotten an out of state transfer for his job and everything. I’ve never cried so hard in my entire life as I did back in 2007. It was the worst year of my life! After the hurt subsided I became very angry at Lee. I didn’t speak with him for over a year after he left the state.
    Anyways the good news is that we are once again together and I have been through so much in the past 4 year’s I can’t begin to tell you. I’ve experienced lonliness on a level I never thought was possible. I had periods of homelessness, I was robbed I don’t know how many times. I became quite the victim! Well, a few month’s ago I swallowed my pride and admitted to myself that I really needed Lee. We are once again living together and I have an entire new outlook on life, love and happiness. I finally just admitted to Lee how much I really do need him and our relationship is better than it’s ever been. I surrendered to being angry and basically having a real chip on my shoulders. I’ve become a lot more humble and dare I say needy. I used to be very independant, but for the first time in 15 year’s I’ve realized just how much I need Lee. His response to all of this is overwhelming to me. You are absolutely right that men need to be needed. We still have a long way’s to go as far as our sex life is concerned, but that will come eventually and he seems to be willing to wait! For the fist time I feel like we are true best-friends. We’ve been through so much together as well as apart and I think our friendship has evolved. I really have learned to appreciate Lee as a friend. I think actually I am just a very slow learner, I can’t believe it took 15 year’s to get here!
    It’s just really uncanny that I’ve just recently had this huge ephiany and then I just stumbled on to your web-site. I plan to get your e-book very soon! I know I still have a lot to learn, but it’s that first step that is the most difficult. Thank-you for being here Rori. I will look forward to the future and your advice. Sincerely JoAnn Myrvold.

  118.  #118marina on October 7, 2011 at 1:52 am

    Hi JoAnn,

    Welcome to Siren Island!

    Rori’s e-book is a great start.
    I hope you will have it soon and let us know how it goes!


  119.  #119marina on October 7, 2011 at 1:55 am

    I bought a book called ‘ Heal yourself from old wounds’ (original title is Wie Sie alte Wunden allein heilen und neue Kraft sch9ø

  120.  #120marina on October 7, 2011 at 2:04 am

    schopfen: Familienaufstellung ohne Stellvertreter”) by Bertold Ulsamer.

    It has 72 exercises. In every exercise you imagine one of your familymembers standing in front of you and you work through healing (your) old wounds with them. By gratefullness. Understanding. Forgiving and let go (in a nuttshell).

    Ulsamer states that our relationship with our parents reflects our relationship with our life and the world.

    So the first exercise is to be gratefull towards your Mother for giving you life. Take your time to really see her in front of you.

    Funny thing is when I did this I saw my mother at the age when she gave birth to me.

  121.  #121marina on October 7, 2011 at 2:14 am

    I looked her in the eye and said ‘You carried me in your womb for 9 months and gave birth to me while risking your own life’
    Whoa when that sank in I felt so earthed!

    The second line is : ‘ You gave me life and life is the greatest gift of all’
    ‘And I want to thank you for that’

    Ick I felt so much anger coming up around those last 2 lines.

    But yhat was yesterday and today I just feel giddy and I have to think about AGlol and yeah Mom you gave me life and I am having so much fun now.
    Lol I don’t understand it..

    But I feel very curious what happens if I keep practicing this and work through the other exercises

  122.  #122marina on October 7, 2011 at 2:22 am

    Hi GingerSky,

    Oh I feel for you.

    I have felt very tempted to tell some other women about the blog. I even thought about telling BF4’s former GF about it. But I feel so glad that I didn’t. I feel safe expressing myself here and being back here and working through stuff here.

    The master will come when the student is ready.
    So I do tell some of my Girl Friends about Rori Raye but not about me being on the blog and what name I use.

    You could change your name here as some other Sirens have done as well but of course only if that feels good to you.


  123.  #123marina on October 7, 2011 at 2:26 am

    I love to think of me becoming a Siren as my Super Secret Mission.

    Hope it is OK AGlol that I am copying the Super Secret Mission from you?I feel inspired and giddy and mysterious and it is already starting to feel like fun and light and sparkly 😀

  124.  #124Daria on October 7, 2011 at 4:40 am

    ok my dream! i had some wild ones, and last nite whoa too

    so first i was living with my friend that i was reading about and her husband and she was practicing free home birth

    and she birthed a child while i was there, and we were in new york

    and then i went to the liquour store to get some hennessy and at the liquor store this dude attacked me and someone kicked me hard in the back of my head and i almost passed out

    they were gonna jump me and i felt hella surprised cuz i didn’t expect it. and dude was all lilke, she’s talkin shit about JZ (the rapper) she’s talkin shit about JZ. and I was like, while on the ground… “whaaat? ” and i thought fast and im like, “but i LIKE JZ” and then they let up and he’s like so how come you said that shit the other day. apparently i had said i don’t like JZ which i pretty much don’t but i guess in NY it was a big deal. maybe it was his hood or something i dono. so im like, oh naw i like him… and then later im like, i mean, like that new CD he has with Kanye is cool. cuz it is, i mean the one song i heard from it i actually liked.

    so then i was walking back on a back way by the water and cuz was coming with me. and we saw my girlfriend’s son and some of his friends in a car. and then when we’re walking past a dark pplace we heard a CLICKCLIK and apparently it was a gang of youngsters hustling there and they had a gun in case it was something

    and i remmber thinking like damn they not playing here in New York. its different style then cali, in cali i would never expect to get jumped by some dudes being a girl lik that and i wouldnt expect ppl to click their guns without anything .

    yeah whoa.

    and they talked different too

    and then i had to take the subway and i kept getting on the wrong car and i tried to sit in the firdt class section cuz they were kinda like trains. and they had a restaurant wagon too

    and then i got more to the center and my gf met me there and we were trying on dresses

    and it was something about my boobs like i think i was going to practice the giving birth at home thing.

    im forgetting that part.

    it felt super fulfilling though, other than the part about getting jumpd at the store. i mean i thought it was all bad for me lucky they let me go

  125.  #125Daria on October 7, 2011 at 4:42 am

    Marina – stretching your tissues, looks like regular sports stretching of muscles, but instead the attention is to the part you are stretching. you stretch not like a rubberband that then bounces back, but like its think taffy that elongates and remains elongated.

    I can walk you through it using the DVD’s i have if you want, you can email me at

    I will look up linda keen now

  126.  #126Daria on October 7, 2011 at 4:47 am

    I don’t believe comfrey is dangerous. I’m talking about comfrey leaves, not the root which I haven’t used.

    The comfrey leaves are what to use in the infusion.

    I get mine at

  127.  #127marina on October 7, 2011 at 4:55 am

    Oh. Now I see how I got triggered by your post about the other woman that is friends with NSM.

    I think I can relate how you feel GingerSky.
    And I know that it is my stuff coming up.

    I remember being with BF1. (lol it seems so far far away, 9 or 10 years).
    There was this girl in his choir. She was such a natural Siren. Speaking her feelings and enjoying her life. She was wonderful and I loved being around her and I admired her for her Sirenness. BF1 liked being around her 2 and felt very attracted towards her and told me she was such a pure person bc she would immediately show how she felt. I felt so powerless and I felt not good enough and jealous. And I also felt very confused bc I was afraid I was losing him but I liked her too much to be angry at her. And I didn’t think she did it on purpose. She was just being her Sireny self at the age of 16 and attracting many men who wanted to be around her. And I was a clueless 21year old who didn’t know how to be a Siren herself. Gosh I wanna hug my 21year old me and tell her she is a Siren too and she is not the only one feeling lonely, lost and powerless. And tell her that she will find better men after BF1. And that her life will continue to become more exciting and fun and effortless 🙂

    Oh. And there once was a situation with BF4. When we were at the end of our trip in Morocco we visited a lady who had some acres of land for sale. She had a 19year old daughter who walked us to the land. We were total strangers for them. So we could not go there by car bc we might upduct her or something. The girl seemed happy to leave the house bc she had been babysitting her younger cousins. She was about to get married. That’s why her Mom wanted to sell the land for her dowry and so the mother could visit her other daughter in Spain.

    So the girl, me and BF4 walked to the village where the land was. BF4 told me to walk next to the girl. Out of respect or bc of her family’s honour he shoyld not walk too close to her. So I wanted to ask the girl if she was happy to get married. I speak no Moroccan (Arabic or Tamazigh) but a lot of Moroccans speak Frenh. So I said something like Ton marriage, louloulou (the sound Moroccan women make during festivities). She didn’t understand so BF4 translated it for her in Arabic. She responded with a strong ‘La’ (No). She said she was not looking forward to the marriage bc she barely knew the guy and she would have to go and live with him and that was far away from his family.

    I was shocked by her honesty and openness. I had never been so open about a private matter. Esp not with strangers but also not with close loved ones. Not with BF4 eithrr.

    The 2nd shock came when I saw how her honesty changed BF4. It opened him up completely. And his posture and attitude changed. He became this man who was no longer in his head worrying about the negotiations etc. But mostly he became a man!

    And this time I also felt like standing there on the side. Seeing something so powerful happen right in front of my eyes. And feeling completely powerless and sad.
    BF4 said he might send me home by plane so he would stay another week for the negotiations. And I felt so afraid. I thought if he is gonna stay another week here with this girl he is gonna fall in love with her and marry her and forget all about me.

    ‘Luckily’ the girl’s mother didn’t want to lower her price and we went home together by car.

    Funny that these 2 occasions showed me how powerful being a Siren actually is…

  128.  #128Daria on October 7, 2011 at 4:59 am

    wow again with that comfrey post thing. i felt very triggered. like angry! mfffff

    and all debatey and make wrongy

    and i love my feelings

    ugh i feel lik e somthing pushing fm from the right side and pushing my head to the left

    i love my feelings

    i feel like a stone wall on my right corner

    i love my stonewall feeling

    feeling angry! i love my anger!

    mmmm rarr

    i would like to heal this please



    i love my feelings

    i feel twitchy in my skin

    i love my twitchiness


    all in my head

    spinny head

    i love my spinny head

    my heart body jumping to distract me from these feelings

    yes i can do something

    but i don thave to do anything


  129.  #129marina on October 7, 2011 at 5:03 am

    lol upduct
    I mean abduct

  130.  #130Daria on October 7, 2011 at 5:03 am

    marina – i am not finding linda keen online

  131.  #131marina on October 7, 2011 at 5:09 am

    Hi Daria,
    Thnx for explaining the stretching your tissue stuff.
    I will send you an email.
    Linda Keen wrote 2 books. One I have is called ‘Intuition magic: Understanding your psychic nature’
    Published by Hampton Road Publishing Company, Inc., Charlottesville, VA.

    I think she must have a website too?
    Think you will like her book very much.

  132.  #132marina on October 7, 2011 at 5:12 am

  133.  #133Femininewoman on October 7, 2011 at 5:28 am

    Hi JoAnn Thanks for sharing your story.

  134.  #134Lyka on October 7, 2011 at 5:53 am

    I’ll be spending the weekend with my sweetie, wishing all Canadian Sirens a Happy Thanksgiving!

    See you on Sunday!

  135.  #135Lyka on October 7, 2011 at 5:53 am

    And a great weekend to all other Sirens too, of course! 🙂

  136.  #136Tzenny on October 7, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Sirens, I am so proud of myself. He text me this morning and I did not gush or say how much I miss him – nothing, nada! Just answered his question and ended with “thanks.” This ship is sailing out for bluer seas… all aboard!!

  137.  #137T-Girl on October 7, 2011 at 6:59 am

    This sounds interesting:

    The Big Fat Lies Summit

    You’ll get to hear 21 of your favorite teachers, such as SARK, Lisa Nichols, Marci Shimoff, Carol Allen, Christine Arylo and more, like you’ve never heard them before: raw, real & telling the truth about their negative thoughts or Big Fat Lies as Amy calls them. We’ve never known anyone who can get people to “pull back the curtain” like Amy can – her honesty & enthusiasm will lead you to a whole new level of self-love and true success.

    Check out this line up:
    – Big Fat Lies about Your Worth with SARK and Lisa Nichols
- Big Fat Lies About Body and Self-Care with Dr. Lissa Rankin and Shakaya Leone
- Big Fat Lies About Love & Relationships with Arielle Ford and Carol Allen
- Big Fat Lies About Money with Alexis Neely and Karen Russo
- Big Fat Lies About Success with Marci Shimoff and Michelle Villalobos
- Big Fat Lies About Being Authentic with Shiloh Sophia McCloud and Dyana Valentine

    – Big Fat Lies About Spirit with Claire Zammit and Gabrielle Bernstein
- Your Inner Superstar Awakened with Samantha Bennett and Christine Arylo

    – Big Fat Lies about Motherhood with Kristine Carlson

    – Big Fat Lies about men with Mike Robbins, Chris Kyle & Noah Martin

    Here’s to the Truth about how fabulous you are!

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

    P.S. This ain’t your standard summit, either – no sales pitches, no boring parts – you’re going to love it.

    P.P.S. Share this info with a smart, beautiful friend! She’ll thank you for it!

  138.  #138T-Girl on October 7, 2011 at 7:01 am

    Hi Joann, welcome! I think you will really enjoy Rori’s e-book.

  139.  #139Mel on October 7, 2011 at 7:11 am

    Hi Lyka!

    Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Believe it or not, I’m actually double-booked for Thanksgiving dinner. I have one at noon and one at 6 on Sunday. LOL And here I was worried I’d be by myself and lonely for the holidays. It’s my first time on my own for Thanksgiving, but the universe made sure that I would be cared for. Be surprised…. good advice Rori! Loving it. Truly have something to be thankful for this year!

  140.  #140sammie sighs on October 7, 2011 at 7:12 am

    # 136 Hi Tzenny I love that sailing to bluer seas…I am sailing along with you 🙂 This blog has helped me so much and you fantastic Sirens give such support and encouragment I love it here thank you..

  141.  #141Mel on October 7, 2011 at 7:26 am

    I’m going to try to apply the “be surprised” philosophy more in my CDing life too. I love this post of Rori’s because it reminds me to just live in the moment. Enjoy what IS. Stop wishing for MORE and just appreciate what’s in front of me. Even if that’s being alone and enjoying my own company.

    If sexy sarcastic wants to step up, he will and we will have amazing moments together. If he falls away, I will appreciate that he taught me about what I want. I want fun and laughter and tenderness and affection. Thanks for that! If he cannot continue to offer these gifts… I will give them to myself and welcome them from another man who is “ready” to have a siren like me in his life. Stepping stones…. He may step up yet though. I will be open to just relax and see what the universe unfolds for me.

    Happy Friday Ladies

  142.  #142T-Girl on October 7, 2011 at 7:33 am

    Happy Friday! I am looking forward to a good weekend full of melting. My guy brought me flowers yesterday and it felt wonderful. He has told me many times he doesn’t give flowers because he feels they are “already dead” but I love flowers so it was a nice surprise to get them.

    I think it reinforced to me that even though we may have some communication bumps in our relationship, we can work them through and it will be ok. He doesn’t just go running for the hills which is usually what my NVs tell me.

  143.  #143marina on October 7, 2011 at 7:43 am

    listening to Reconnect Your Relationship Disc2. love it. next time I catch myself I will cover my mouth with my hand…lol


  144.  #144T-Girl on October 7, 2011 at 8:11 am

    I just watched a video from Cherry Norris (Dating Disasters). I love her style of communication!

  145.  #145roxy on October 7, 2011 at 8:29 am

    @tinque, I was doing well until several conversations started with my girl friends and I..
    Here the situation: this guy who is in our circle of friends once confessed that he really liked me.. give me things and my friends made remarks that he wants to get into my pants as they say . Well since then I having been ignoring him after telling him that do want anything further. also to avoid him from thinking beyond and giving him an illusion that may be their could be somtig between us when no nothing.. anyway there is this uncomfortness
    The uncomfortness began when he took action on something I really disliked and considered very unpleasant. Since then on I felt awkward and even more when he told me how he felt and just little comments that others make about him and his feelings toward me. Because of this I have to admit I just avoid him but he is in our circle of friends and stays in contact… now hes coming to town for two weeks…But because of my actions now I am being told that I am disrespectful that I should treat him right and not be mean….. and soo on …. What do I do in this situation? I feel very awkward and angry every time this conversation about come up

  146.  #146Daria on October 7, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Thank you marina

  147.  #147Susan on October 7, 2011 at 8:35 am

    I think I will ‘be surprised’ this weekend… I can feel something in the air.

  148.  #148Daria on October 7, 2011 at 8:43 am

    i am feeling angry! angry angry angry and i do NOT want to stuff… and build cancer making “evil heat”


    i feel angry at the world

    I feel angry that people get raped

    i feel angry we have jails

    i feel angry we have cars that can hurt people

    i feel angry we have wars

    i feel angry we have property

    i feel angry we have borders

    i feel angry i don’t feel like enough

    i feel angry we have exchange systems

    i feel ANGRY














    i feel angry

    mmmhhh song



  149.  #149T-Girl on October 7, 2011 at 8:44 am

    Susan, a woman’s intuition is usually good. I hope it is a great surprise!

  150.  #150Daria on October 7, 2011 at 8:50 am

    i feel angry and judgemental reading the forum im reading

    im thinking omg these stupid bitches!

    and i feel energized and worried and ashamed for having that thought

    its ok to have that thought

    i dont want o tjudge i dont want to judge Myself


    i feel down

    i feel sinky sad

    i love me


  151.  #151Daria on October 7, 2011 at 8:53 am

    i feel like punching and kicking them!

    this does NOT efel like my energy kinda…

    maye i picked up energy from my neighbor downstairs and her kids i just spent 2 hours with.

    maybe she got frustrated and im picking it up now

    i want to heal this

    bringing my energy in


  152.  #152Daria on October 7, 2011 at 8:57 am

    i am starting to feel at hoem here, the city feels like its poppin and i feel excitement in the air

    now i am leaving in 2 weeks umpha

    and i live where i m at im wonderful !

    yay life life life

    i was out for 2 hours

    if i was out everyday i woulda fell into life faster than the internet stuff i was learning

    and im blessed to have learned so much and enjoyed so much on this lovely computer

    <3 u computer

  153.  #153Daria on October 7, 2011 at 9:03 am

    its 7 pm and night is coming!

    7 pm is one of my favorite times

  154.  #154Mel on October 7, 2011 at 9:13 am


    What’s triggering you?

  155.  #155Susan on October 7, 2011 at 9:18 am

    RE: 149: T-Girl says:

    “Susan, a woman’s intuition is usually good. I hope it is a great surprise!”

    He seems to be planning a pretty special weekend where all the focus is on me. Nothing quite like this has been planned for me before and I am very excited! He has told me just a part of what he has planned. The weekend begins with him taking me to a Korean spa and he has arranged for me to have my entire body scrubbed after the hot baths and steam rooms. We have been there before, so we both know we are comfortable there. He is planning a nice dinner too. It feels ‘over the top’ and it hasn’t even begun yet! And I have a feeling there might be more that he hasn’t alluded to yet.

  156.  #156Mel on October 7, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Awwww… yay Susan! Sounds wonderful!

  157.  #157Susan on October 7, 2011 at 9:26 am

    Thanks Mel! Even if what he has mentioned is all that is planned, it is still the most special personal planning that anyone has ever done for me.

    If this forum will allow, I’ll post the link of the place.

  158.  #158marina on October 7, 2011 at 9:30 am

    leaning back in the train…oh it works…this guy in front of me totally turned his body towards me..he had to turn it 45 degrees while talking to his friend but he did it…when I noticed I totally froze and didn’t dare to look up and look him in the eye and smile. not being open and inviting?
    and he turned away again. but he keeps looking. lol. he is blond and the other guy has dark hair and dark eyes. I like that more…

  159.  #159Femininewoman on October 7, 2011 at 9:53 am

    The take-away here is that most stuff we think
    matters doesn’t matter at all.

    ***It doesn’t matter what other people think, it
    doesn’t matter what our family thinks, it doesn’t
    matter what your “brain” thinks – what matters is
    that you feel “met” emotionally, that your
    physical, emotional, psychological, romantic needs
    are being filled enough so that you feel a
    constant sense of well being and contentment and
    comfort when you’re around a man and when you

    FEELING loved – and TRUSTING you are loved is
    where it’s at – and when you’re feeling that – you
    can speak to a man so directly and truthfully and
    emotionally authentic that he will change what he
    needs to in order to make you happy. Period.

    So …look for that. Look for your feelings,
    not for what a man is like on paper.

    Love, Rori

  160.  #160roxy on October 7, 2011 at 10:04 am

    I agree feminewoman.
    Its all about you and what you feel and want.
    We should not let others tell us what we should do or have nor nor push people onto to you.. for example guys.. just because they want that

  161.  #161Femininewoman on October 7, 2011 at 10:15 am

    What stands out to me is “it doesn’t matter what your brain thinks”

  162.  #162Camille on October 7, 2011 at 10:32 am

    I am feeling so excited after reading about your weekend. Have the most wonderful time! I love that he is planning such a “Susan the Siren” oriented weekend! FABULOUS!

  163.  #163Susan on October 7, 2011 at 10:52 am

    RE: 162: Camille:

    😀 😀 😀

    I’ve never been spoiled like this before. I can’t believe how special all this makes me feel.

  164.  #164Femininewoman on October 7, 2011 at 10:54 am



    Let’s say you haven’t gone out with your girlfriends in a long, long time. And you feel disconnected.

    Or maybe your man hasn’t made any special date plans for what seems like weeks, and you’re in a low-energy rut in your relationship.

    Or you’re single and feeling pretty lonely and down and wish you could find a decent man to share your time with.

    Instead of complaining to yourself about how your friends aren’t calling you, or your man isn’t being romantic or caring, or how hard it is to meet a man, make it a point to actually start GIVING the exact thing you want.

    Call your friends and invite them to do something you enjoy doing together.

    Plan a weekend getaway with your man and surprise him with it.

    Smile and be engaging to everyone you encounter in your day – the grocery store clerk, your co-workers, your boss, your neighbors – and you’ll be amazed at how much less isolated and lonely you’ll feel.

    And the best part about GIVING what you want for yourself is that you get so much MORE back in the long run.

    When you put yourself “in service” to others, by helping them, by really LISTENING instead of just talking, by offering your advice or talents to make their lives better and happier, you will begin to feel more fulfilled and valued – and happy – and you will begin to reap the rewards for all that positive energy immediately

  165.  #165Femininewoman on October 7, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Here’s something I’ve noticed about others – even about myself sometimes – the things that you ENVY in others are the things you know you’re neglecting in your OWN life.

    Your envy is a sign that you are denying that aspect of yourself and that you need to pay more attention to it and fix it in yourself

    The key to feeling less envy and less negativity toward others is to BE HONEST about your shortcomings and then take responsibility for your own life to get things back on track.

    So what do these 3 tips have in common?

    They are all about refocusing your attention and energy away from the destructive, negative feelings and thought patterns that make you feel inauthentic and down about your life, and turning things around so that you get back in touch with that deeper, WISER part of yourself so you can feel happier and less STAGNANT.

    One of the BENEFITS of learning how to get back in touch with your authentic self and accessing that “inner child” – besides just feeling better about yourself – is that it makes you more ATTRACTIVE and draws a man to you.

  166.  #166Femininewoman on October 7, 2011 at 10:59 am


    When you take care of your own needs and your own future, you will feel less envious of the people around you who you think have it easier and better than you have.

  167.  #167Esteemed on October 7, 2011 at 11:00 am

    “To feel is to be human. To minimize or deny what we feel is a distortion of what it means to be image bearers of our personal God. To the degree that we are unable to express our emotions, we remain impaired in our ability to love God, others, and ourselves well.

    ” P Scazzero

    I love this quote! It goes right along with all that Rori teaches! I feel so happy about my new home and my new job! I am sending out my signed lease tonight! My job is going fantastic! Now back to work! LOL! Love Esteemed

  168.  #168Esteemed on October 7, 2011 at 11:01 am

    Soon I will have a laptop again! Soon, soon, soon!

  169.  #169Femininewoman on October 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

    Being authentic means communicating how you feel regardless of the expectations of others. Authenticity holds a very high vibration, so when you are authentic it is as if you are sending an invitation to your partner to also be authentic. When the two of you meet at this high level of authenticity, intimacy is created…as if by ‘magic.’ Want to know how someone will respond to you? Risk your heart, be authentic, and see what you receive in return. This is how you can find out if this person is the right match for you. ”

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

  170.  #170Lucy on October 7, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    I like this article by Rori. I also like the things you are posting, FW. About the CCarter thing, though… planning a getaway with your man… isn’t that masculine energy?

    I love the Orna and Matthew quote. So true! That is what is happening in my relationship, and to be honest, it’s a little overwhelming. It’s one thing for me to be open and authentic, but when he starts matching it with his own openness and authenticity, it’s like… whoa… can I really handle this level of intimacy???

    I have a question that I would like some input on: My man often asks me things indirectly, e.g., “I was wondering what you think about such and such….” And for some reason, I resist treating those statements as questions for me to answer. They seem like statements to me, yet he genuinely sees them as questions and he wants an answer. I would much prefer him to ask direct questions.

    So…. is this really petty of me? I’m not sure why it bothers me, but it does. And I’m not sure what to do about it.

    Wondering if this Rori quote FW posted fits in here:

    “FEELING loved – and TRUSTING you are loved is
    where it’s at – and when you’re feeling that – you
    can speak to a man so directly and truthfully and
    emotionally authentic that he will change what he
    needs to in order to make you happy. Period.”

    I do feel loved and I absolutely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me deeply and truly. But is this something I should just accept as part of who he is, or do I speak to him about it as Rori indicates above?

    Thanks for any insights!

    Esteemed, I am curious about your job. 🙂

    Love to all

    <3 Lucy

  171.  #171Daria on October 7, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    oh i just thought of something about Give what you want….

    and it feels so smily to me

    its a tweak… GIVE WHAT YOU WANT…. TO YOURSELF!!!!

    yesss!!!! yum yum yum


  172.  #172Lucy on October 7, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    Hi Daria. So would you tweak the planning a getaway example and make it just planning a getaway for yourself? Do you think planning it for you and your man is too much masculine energy/leaning forward?

  173.  #173Lucy on October 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    What do you all think of this quote from Arielle Ford?

    “Research by Sandra Murray, a psychologist at the University of Buffalo, reveals that putting on “rose colored glasses” and idealizing our partner actually leads to more happiness and satisfaction in relationship.”

  174.  #174Daria on October 7, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    ugh i feel so MAD at the world again

    it feels so hopelesss and i feel helplesss

    and it feels confusing

    and UGH


    i feel so ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

  175.  #175Daria on October 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Lucy – hmm mmm maybe yeah, imagining here…coming up kinda blank… I wasn’t thinking of planning it for me and a man i feel kinda lost being asked that… that’s not on my brain radar right now

    i guess if it was something i wanted and wanted him to be there i could ask him what he thinks…

    maybe he could help me plan it!

    oh right the Christian Carter thing, now i get it!

    umm yeah definitely i would plan it for myself yes!

  176.  #176Daria on October 7, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Lucy – how do you feel being asked that way… it sounds like “your stuff” in a way, and also, i would identify how i felt and share that, and what i don’t want

    and maybe its something that he Can’t change, is it something to drop a man over? to me it seems it’s not…

  177.  #177Lucy on October 7, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Daria, sorry I didn’t give a clear context for the CCarter question. Thanks for figuring out what I meant. 🙂

  178.  #178Susan on October 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    RE: 170: Lucy says:

    “I have a question that I would like some input on: My man often asks me things indirectly, e.g., “I was wondering what you think about such and such….” And for some reason, I resist treating those statements as questions for me to answer. They seem like statements to me, yet he genuinely sees them as questions and he wants an answer. I would much prefer him to ask direct questions.”

    IMHO, this is just the way your guy communicates. And as you and he grow together, he may become more direct. Or.. he may not. Either way, it doesn’t sound like a deal-breaker. If everything else is good, I’d leave it be (if it were me).

  179.  #179Lucy on October 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Daria, thanks for responding to the other thing too. It’s definitely not something I would drop him over. 🙂

    I think maybe what is happening for me is that I am labeling it as feminine energy when he “asks” things that way… it seems kinda passive… so I guess it turns me off a little. However, I’m not sure I would’ve even noticed or been bothered by it if I hadn’t spent so much time on the blog learning about masc/fem energy!!! Does that make sense?

  180.  #180Lucy on October 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    Thanks, Susan.

    I am wondering now if it is also a bit of a trigger because in my marriage, my ex-h was very passive… so maybe I feel worried by any little sign of passivity.

  181.  #181Lucy on October 7, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    While learning the Rori Raye way, in all my CDing, I learned really well that whole thing of being the responder… not saying anything unless he asks a question, etc….. just being, not doing… etc… So now it feels like if he doesn’t ask a direct question, I shouldn’t “take charge and tell him.” Hmmm.

  182.  #182Daria on October 7, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Lucy – oh yeah! that happens to me sometimes, i find myself judging the man “why is he telling me his feelings *eyeroll* ”

    what i want to do in those situations is say oh wow how exciting im judging! and then drop under that thinking and look at what im feeling and share from there

  183.  #183Lucy on October 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Thanks Daria. That is helpful. So, okay, I am judging him. (I feel a bit of a relief just realizing that.)

    It is hard to identify what I am feeling under the thinking, because it does seem like much of the feeling is coming from the judging. Like: “oh no, he is being passive and feminine. I feel annoyed and turned off.” (And notice both these “feelings” end in -ed, so they are a bit blamey and focused on him.)

    When I try to remove the judgment completely (which is kinda hard!), what I feel is… quiet and still… immobile. I looked in the thesaurus, and “quiescent” seems to convey it well, but I’m not sure that’s a feeling….

    Any further insights appreciated. 🙂

  184.  #184alias girl lol on October 7, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    “baby baby baby oooooooh ah baby baby baby ooooh ah thought you’d alwaayayayas be mihine.”

  185.  #185Mel on October 7, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    I feel like sex may be in my near future! LOL Well… I’m just putting it out there into the universe anyways. Going shopping for some cute undies (thanks for the idea Starla) and “prepping” myself. I feel ready. Not afraid any more. Now just need the right man… LOL 🙂 I have an idea of who it could be!

  186.  #186Lucy on October 7, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    Hi Mel. I missed some of the details of what’s been going on for you. Is it completely over with your husband?

  187.  #187Mel on October 7, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Hey Lucy,

    Oh yes. For several months now. I’m living on my own and trying to be as sireny as possible! 🙂

  188.  #188Daria on October 7, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Lucy – mm i’d say “annoyed and turned off” are awesome feelings! and even, ‘ashamed to feel that way’

    judgemental and ashamed to feel that way? and yet when i hear that i feel icky?

    ‘removing the judgment’ is great if its actually happening for you – that might be a tool you can use if it actually shifts you to that peaceful space. like oh, im judging, ill just remove it… ahhhh peace

    the other optiion, sharing that you feel triggered and turned off is fine too! – but he may not change, it may just be a habit that you’ll have to work with, like one of those toilet seat up things

    and a third thing i might “do” in the moment is go into my body – what is my body sensing feeling, where am i tightened up, love that a lot , share about it maybe, breathe into it

  189.  #189Daria on October 7, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    im feeling great! i just watched a movie, got a call from a new CD who asked to take me on dates when i get back hehe!


    and i feel so good from taking a walk with my neighbor and her 3 kids… i feel all juiced about having kids and i called my Godson on his birthday today and im feeling love towards him and just feeling more connected and safer with kids in general

    i used to feel scared and triggered by kids like intimdated by them haha and now i feel GOOD!


    smily daria

  190.  #190Daria on October 7, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    oh for the how to sexually take care of myself

    the Deer exercise for women feels wonderful! i can really tell my body LOVES it and it feels nourishing and fulfilling

    ovarian kung fu !!! KI

  191.  #191alias girl lol on October 7, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    “i got them moves like jagger i go them moves like jagger i got them mmmmmoooooovvvves like jagger..”

  192.  #192alias girl lol on October 7, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    HEY! i just put on false eyelashes!

    HEY! and i had to take them right off again!

    i can now successfully and thoroughly teach a class on everything NOT to do when applying false lashes.

    these puppies are ruined.

    HOWEVER i do believe next time i will get it exactly right.

    maybe i will try again later!!

  193.  #193Ella on October 7, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Hmmm, I had a booty call with the friend who I slept with ages ago and I didn’t get attached at all.

    I wanted to be physically intimate with someone and he came over and we did it and then he freaked out and said he felt guilty for leading me on and he had to leave.

    It felt awful.

    Not the sex but that he left so quickly and started talking about guilt and how he does not want sex out of a relationship :-/

  194.  #194Daria on October 7, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    if it was me in the situation Lucy asked me hmmm

    i would try to reframe like can i feel honored that he wants to know about me? wants to know my preferences and my inner world and stuff

    or if it felt like icky like someone was trying to get something from me like energy or to get me to plan i’d feel resentful and uncomfortable and i’d be like, i don’t want to plan, i feel uncomfortable

    i do feel triggered around communicating this cuz im afraid the man will LEAVE (because he “got hurt”)

    this almost happened to me when i told VideoCD i didnt feel good being asked “do you miss having dick”

    i mean we were having a sexual conversation and he doesn’t necessarily know that that won’t feel good to me

    he’s a man so haha i know they think like that

    but i was like oh that Doesn’t feel good

    and hes like, oh sorry i thought you liked me

    and im like i do like you papi and i’m feeling weird now

    and then he got back around and said i like you too

    but for a second i thought he was going to ABANDON ME And i felt scared

    and i wasl like wow how exciting look at that trigger

    and then i was like WH?EW that felt scary and i told him that

    i love me

    im doing luvly

    im feeling lovly about myself and i reall appreciate all the spine undulations ive been doing while at the computer to make me feel good

  195.  #195Ella on October 7, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    He is a bad booty call.

  196.  #196alias girl lol on October 7, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    i got them moves like alias girl i got them moves like alias girl i got them mooooooovvvvvesss like alias girl.


  197.  #197Daria on October 7, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Ella – oh no that must feel triggering EGH BLAH he is disqualified as lover material

    omg i had a whoel YEAR of just awful crap stuff from men and i didn’t even have sex cuz it was that crappy and finally Hawkman showed up as a lover who is into me and feels so much better than – shaking my head remembering the men before – umpha!

    (well before hawkman transformer man showed up. and then promptly redisappeared when we got into a icky feeling moment and i think he’s quite energetically perceptive and caught my disappointment and judgemtn/crticism. i got scared of him. but we did have good feeling sex and i felt more powerful with him than before.

    and then after that men who wanted to please me started showing up.

    including hawkman)

  198.  #198Ella on October 7, 2011 at 5:21 pm


    It felt so bad I didn’t even know what to say!

    This is the second time recently a man has baled out on me like that and it makes me feel so weird. Like a big ho for wanting sex.

    Like ‘wow’.

    I know guys are human too, with their own issues, but it just feels awful icky.

    Feeling kinda numb, like everywhere I turn is dead end.

    Or maybe I am just feelin impatient.

  199.  #199alias girl lol on October 7, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    i think i have brass balls now. lol.


    who on earth is gonna date me now!!??


    LOTS OF MEN WOULD LOVE TO DATE ME! FYI! sometimes i just say things but the truth is LOTS OF MEN! at least a 100.

  200.  #200alias girl lol on October 7, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    i have flecks of dried eyelash glue on my shirt. lol.

  201.  #201Daria on October 7, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Ella – feels icky yeah and once you love yourself through the feelings you will be that much stronger

    you are working through all these shame issues and are inspiring

  202.  #202Ella on October 7, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Feel FURIOUS!

    Bollox to them all.

    F8ck them all.


    He said ‘you are better than this – you deserve more!’

    I’m like yeah dude I know but I have physical needs too!


    F8ck it, I feel so mad right now.

    I feel so unlovable.

    So rejected.

    So ICK.

    And yet somewhere inside I feel strong, despite all this.

    And flaky CD on FB IM… and I leant forward and said ‘hi’ and he is still being flaky, and I am just like FFS!!!

    And I am doing it to myself.

    And its cus I really want to be held.

    And the universe is telling me NO.

    And I don’t know how to fulfil this need for myself!

  203.  #203Ella on October 7, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    Hmmm, you know what, maybe it is a thing where they don’t want to be used?

    Not that I am using them intentionally… like every guy has a chance, but like the man this evening for example, maybe he was like ‘well she is never going to consider a relationship with me’ I don’t know. Maybe on some level he could feel that.

    Cus in honesty I probably wouldn’t.

    Unless he stepped up big time and was quite different to his usual self.

    Bu u know what I thought men liked hot, no strings attached sex…

    Hmmm, sigh.

    Oh well, f8ck it.

    Feeling tired now.

    Don’ know why I bother.

    I just feel so darned bored sometimes. And still want to be held.

  204.  #204Daria on October 7, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    i am feeling sad and scared and alone and ashamed and pist pist pist pist

    ok more sad and resentful and fearful and unworthy and i love me

    and i love that im noticing what im feeling

    i love me

  205.  #205Daria on October 7, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Ella – have you tried giving yourself hugs?

    also the Deer exercise is really working for me to feel fulfilled sexually

  206.  #206Ella on October 7, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Wondering if J felt like this when I freaked about stuff.

    Don’t know.

    Just feels pretty crap to me.

  207.  #207Daria on October 7, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    hugs over 20 secs release feel goods… i hug myself by making my arms a bit stiffer than the rest of me and ‘letting go’ into them

    it helps me to practice leaning on a wall or door and “letting myself go” into the wall or door

  208.  #208Ella on October 7, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    Daria what is the deer exercise?

  209.  #209Daria on October 7, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    hmm thinking out loud here in that situation id be like

    oh wow this feels awful… i feel really embarassed now, i guess i kinda feel ashamed of wanting to have sex, and i so don’t want to feel that way… i feel afraid of being judged and i feel kinda judgemetnal towards myself that im weak and also disgusting, mph i love myself though and i lov emy unworthy feelings and my shame… big hugs to me,

    and also i feel angry, i dont want to fel this way

    i feel insecure, and i feel so embarassed, ugh humiliated, i feel like i can’t handle this, ugh i love me

    oh wow yeah this feels bad , i want to feel wanted by a man it felt not good with Dman when i didnt feel that the man was into me , i don’t want that

    omg i feel so embarassed


    i feel like attacking you

    i just want to be not aroudn you now omg i feel like throwing things at your head


    i feel ICKY!!!

    i dont want to feel this way


    i feel so angry!!!!!!!!RRARRRRRRRRGGGH

  210.  #210Daria on October 7, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Ella i will try to find some links you can google Chinese Deer exercise for women and with some persistance some info will emerge

    but basically its really easy like a 5 min exercise

    its like you sit kinda crosslegged with back straight and support bhind you,

    and one of your feet u put the heel on your nani and aloso your clitoris and press it there

    and then you rub your hands together until they’re warm,

    and then softly massage your breasts in outer circles like up the middle of your chest then out and over and do that 72 times

    really keep your mind on what youre doing and youre creating sexual energy and its coming from your hands into your breasts

    also this will dispell heaviness or lumps in your breasts doing it outward and can make your breasts smaller and firmer

    then do 72 in ward massages this will make breasts bigger. (or you can do them all out, or all in, but for me i do both and visualize my breasts lifting and increasing)

    ok then just breathe in and pull in your vagina and anus like pulling up and in on the muscles while breathing in like 7 sec, hold it like 7, then release

    energy will travel from your vagina up and noursish your glands all teh way to the brain and it may even feel like an orgasm tingling. if your glands like adrenals thymus or thyroid need more nourishing you might not feel it go all the way up (i don’t yet, i think its at the adrenals)

    dont try to visualize it up, just let it do it on its own.

    repeat that a few times like 7 times.
    thats it!

    i always feel really healthy and sexually and emotionally fulfilled after

    it can be done everyday or twice a day for great impact

    the whole thing tkase likea few min thats it!

    just lightly rub the breasts and count,

    then pull in and squeeze kegels basically

    making sure to have mind on what im doing

  211.  #211Ella on October 7, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    Daria re 209,

    Yeah, that is EXACTLY how I feel.

    And I expressed some to him when he said he felt guilty and stuff and he was going to leave.

    I basically said the stuff you said in the first paragraph of 209…

    Thing is right now I feel kinda numb.

    Angry yeah but also just like kinda ‘blah!’

    Well FFS it was only supposed to be sex.

    Just feel bored and tired of waiting for the goodies.

    But I guess that is life sometimes.

    Don’t know, feel kinda blah, and missing J again now…
    But its a blip.

    And this dude will NEVER get a call from me again. He will never get a chance to be with me again.

    And I will be ok.

    Still jusy have NO idea how to handle it when I feel overwhelming alone and wanting to be held by a man.

    I can try stuff for myself and still feel mighty suspicious that it will not feel the same.

  212.  #212Ella on October 7, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Basically the last couple of days has just felt like literally almost everyone who was into me (except 2 most recent CDs) including friends and various men and stuff, have just kinda suddenly turned off me.

    Makes me feel weird, like what the heck is going on?

    Makes me feel paranoid, like is computer guy showing them stuff that is turning them off me?

    But really is probably just a blip.

    They are distracted by their own stuff, not anything to do with me.

    This has happened b4 and they always come back around…

    Hmmm, feels icky though.

    Gonna love me anyway and just trust.

    Maybe take a weekend to myself.

    And forget them,

  213.  #213Daria on October 7, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    Ella – i have been there and wanting a man for like a whole year i was feleing all desperate..

    but riht now i have already been 3 months without sex or even kissing and i feel fulfilled and satisfied

    i’m not sure quite what is different, maybe it’s that im feeling very paid attention to by my video cd’s

    or that i’ve been doing exercise

    or, maybe its not so much estrogen in my food?

    i dono but it feels totally different and i haven’t been feeling those desperation/needy urges

    i really like that i have been feeling more comfortable watching porn when i feel like it too, and also

    been doing some t-tapp stretching regularly,

    and now have this deer exercise which my body really seems to love i feel like a baby thats been cuddled by her mom after

    i know im feeling lovely and don’t want to return to feeling desperate and needy for men

    i kept wondering how i could fulfill my own sexual needs and now somehow i feel like i am doing that actually and that rocks

  214.  #214Daria on October 7, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    just thinking now about the estrogen in my food part haven’t really considered that till now wow… hmmm

    maybe when i come back i will insist on eating all natural

    and also i’ve been much more open about feeling turned on with men –

    WHAT is different

    im feeling kinda concerned that it will all change back when i return to california

    is it just that i know im on a ‘break’ here or something?

    and i will get all needy and wanting to ‘party’ and feel like im missing out when im back?

    cuz i mean i don’t feel like im misisng out on anything much here

    but i AM looking forward to men turning me on by giving me attention

    and to men giving me sexual stuff

    and emotioanl and all the good stuff

    i feel glad this shift has happened for me and i want to enjoy it

    maybe its totally psychological cuz im not around women talking about feeling dependent on sex in an addictive way

    maybe its cuz i have no one her to feel jealous about having like easy orgasms

    and i dono

    i dont want to think about it anymore

    i feel pretty confident i can continue to care for myself well and now i have even MORE tools for that

  215.  #215Ella on October 7, 2011 at 6:33 pm


    That is cool and I feel impressed and yet I don’t want to go without sex and kissing.


    I was feeling ok, and only feeling desperate when men flake and walk away.

    Hmph, feel confused.

    Oh well, what is new.

    I guess at least I am aware of what I am feeling.

    Just feeling a bit low self esteem right now and that is what I would change.

    Or maybe will change.

    Maybe the Universe is not letting me get away with stuff anymore… its like… you know what STOP trying to get stuff… just be.

    And be in the moment.

    Even if it sucks.

    But tonight I just wanted a man.

    And I have had that urge before, and it never seems to work out well.

  216.  #216Ella on October 7, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Yes I fel like I was missing out… that is IT.

    That has been the theme of the night for me.

    Like eww, FFS when will I ever feel satisfied?

    And lets just stick with now.

    It feels icky to be left after sex.

    I don’t want that thanks.

    No thanks.


  217.  #217Daria on October 7, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    i would feel open to kissing and sex

    i don’t feel needy for it

    i feel fearful in my heart now

    i am daria and i love me i love me i love me

    daria you are awesome and thank you for biring in your realizations and drawing in what’s useful from others but not allowing others visiouns to dominate your own ina way that doesnt feel good


    thank you!

    i love your specail intuitive and nonjudgemental ways of seeing things

    i love how i am getting more and more brave with expressing what i feel in what i experience around me

    i love my ywanbing


    thank you Goddess for yawning

    thank you Goddess for water

    and thank you for food too!

    thank you for AHA feelings of joy and excitement and inspiration

    tahnk you for sleep

    deep restful


    haha maybe i don’t feel needy cuz my dreams provide me with the excitment lately, and it feels more fulfilling too lately


    thank you life for having dreams and

    thank you for the power to bend bars and melt organizational systems that feels scary and oppressive

    thank you for melting my fear of being oppressed

    like you melted my grief over leaving my birth


    you are goddess and i see you even when its the blue on my window on the computer, or Cindy bear,

    or a clicky cursor making symbols that are expressions of me me me mem ememe

    the goddess called Daria often and called beautiful often and natural and sexy and wise and funny

    and powerful oh she wants to be and she feels TERRIFIED

    heal that for me Goddess thank you i feel it it’s deep from birth and before and it comes with me in my tissues in my right hip , in me in me i want to heal it!!!

    i know you hear me and i allow me to heal my body to heal , comfortably, lovely, and fulfillingly, satisfyingly

    yum yum yum

    thank you Goddess I am a piece of planet earth, a piece of the sun , i am a bend in blackness of colorwaves of granmother where she is cold and cold receives and bursts and i am twittering here and these lil symbols are me here i am waving waving and i see myself and am creating pleasure for myself yum

    and it feels giggly and it feels moving

    and it feels overwhhelming – too much, too much ‘indulging’ too much spnding on me, too much feel good, too much doing what i want, too mcuh understanding, to much feeling pleasured and i feel good and i allow nyself to allow it, lots of it, as much as feels good,

    yummy me

  218.  #218Daria on October 7, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    im off to exciting healing sleep!!

    whew!! off adventuring all

    see yall soon

  219.  #219Cate Fritz on October 7, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    I love this analogy of walking through life and relationships as if walking through a forest. It is helping me to remain open and able to simply experience what is happening around me, rather than try to control, manage, direct, or guide it. Right now I feel a relationship storm brewing. Just like when I feel a real storm approaching, I feel scared. Yet this time I stay where I’m at. I feel aware of myself, my body, my surroundings, the swaying of the trees, the pressure change as the storm comes closer. As it hits I feel the wind whipping around me, howling in my ears. I feel the rain hit me, hard and stinging against my skin. I do not scream back at the wind, nor do I try to hide from the rain, I simply stand there and feel it hit my face, my arms, my back and chest. I feel the drops running down over my whole body, soaking me, but I do not blame the wind and rain. I do not question why it is storming. I do not analyze the storm pattern, and I do not tell it to stop. I do not fight it. I stand there and take it all in, feeling that I will come through this unharmed. I feel thrilled and amazed at the power of the storm and my lack of control over it. As the storm moves on, I feel cold and wet. I feel strong and balanced and real. I feel the pressure lift. I watch the storm continuing off in the distance, feeling that there will be more storms to come and feeling that with a good night’s sleep and a tent over my head I will wake ready to feel the sun rise. 

  220.  #220Femininewoman on October 7, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    Hi Cate. Very poetic

  221.  #221Mel on October 7, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    Boo! My CD just cancelled for tomorrow night. 🙁 Friday AND Saturday night without a date! This is unheard of! LOL 😉

    Maybe I’ll take myself to a movie or something. 🙂

  222.  #222la chiquita bonita on October 7, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    I feel frustrated because I do alot and think alot. I just find it difficult not to. Im a very overanalytical, calculating, planning, objective person which I feel proud of. However, i understand how it can slow down the love process. I feel strange, how do i make something happen, without trying to? How do I sit back and relax? I agree with everything that Rori says, but its tricky. While christian carter, and others are explaining the how to, rori teaches how to stop the effort and therefore naturally and intuitively to be that person without thinking it. sigh Im not giving up by giving up lol!

  223.  #223MiRi on October 7, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    RE 222 La Chiquita Bonita,
    your comment describes precisely what kind of woman I am, overanalytical person and all.
    Its tricky to NOT try to do something!
    I’ve been watching Commitment Blueprint over and over again… the thing is I always try to find an explanation for something before I put it in practice… My mind is overfunctioning lol.

    Don’t give up! 😉

  224.  #224alias girl lol on October 8, 2011 at 12:15 am

    i’ve done it!! i’ve turned a corner! and i’ve set down my brass balls!!!!! finally!!!!

    ah i am irresistble now!!!!

  225.  #225alias girl lol on October 8, 2011 at 12:31 am

    ta dar.

    clap clap clap!!!!!


    by alias girl lol

    c 2011

  226.  #226alias girl lol on October 8, 2011 at 12:32 am

    i wonder if i could coach people?

  227.  #227alias girl lol on October 8, 2011 at 12:36 am

    i am rockstar with ldbd (I keep calling him that and he hasnt asked what it means. lol)

    and ex soul mate

    and ex this one and ex that one

    and the 100 HHG that are STREAMING into my life.

    wow. i wonder if this will last? could that be?

    if i will be sireny forever more?

    is that possible??????????????

  228.  #228English Woman on October 8, 2011 at 1:03 am

    #219 Cate

    That was beautiful. 🙂

  229.  #229Daria on October 8, 2011 at 4:28 am

    my dream was about mm the part i remember is i was looking for these books. and then i found them, and then i was reading them

    one of them was aout a lil boy who had a rat pack, and the rat pack would come and help him solve his bullying problems

    another was about some aliens, and another i was sure i wanted was by elizabeth blackwell and was abouta puritan girl who had some lovers and was a witch and got imprisoned in the room by the room i was at

    and it felt scary cuz some big sheets started flying in the shapes of moons and then visions of ghosts and stufff

    and drawings on the wall

  230.  #230Ella on October 8, 2011 at 4:58 am

    Well I can safely say last night epic FAIL!!

    And really I have been checking in with myself and still feel ok.

    Not great admitedly, but ok.

    So I thought I would be able to call that guy and he would come over and we both knew it was just sex and cuddling and I felt ok with that.

    Its weird, he is a nice enough guy, who I fancy just enough to sleep with and not enough to get hooked on or hormonally drawn in.

    So I thought ‘yes, this can work’ and I thought he wanted the same.

    Last time we did it months ago he came over, stayed for a few hours and went.

    It felt a lil weird that he went fairly quickly however was ok.

    This time he came over and then he started talking about why hadn’t we gone out, and I said it was because he hadn’t called to ask.

    We slept together, it was VERY quick.

    And then he started saying he felt bad, guilty… he kept putting his head in his hands. He said he was leading me on and that I deserved more.

    He said he had upset me and so he felt like a bad person.

    It all happened so quick I couldn’t really keep track of how I was feeling, except maybe confused and a bit icky.

    I hoped he would just relax and then he started saying ‘can I go?’

    I’m thinking WTF???!!!

    It just felt awful that he really wanted to go, and I could feel myself being triggered to cling on and try to ‘do’ something to alleviate the awkardness of the situation.

    I collected myself and said of course he should do whatever he needed to do and that this did feel weird and bad.

    So he went.

    He also said some stuff about would I really let him take me out and that I was better than him.

    I am guessing he was having some kind of massive NV episode.

    I know he won’t call.

    I was happy with it just being about sex, and only if it felt good and as it turns out it didn’t when he freaked out.

    He also said ‘Its not you it’s me!’ ICK ICK ICK.

    I mean seriously?

    That is the second time a guy has said that to me recently. The other time was with flaky CD when he was flaking one time about spending time together.

    Hmmm, I am just going to choose to believe that this is all their own issues.

    And for me the lesson is not to let guys in (even just for sex) unless they are TOTALLY STEPPING UP!

    Its weird for me because this was a total experiment.

    Usually I can’t do sex without getting attached, however with this guy I did do it without feeling attached, and as I am not having boyfriend’s anymore I thought it could work.

    I guess I was following urges again last night which is a form of shortcut and so far doesn’t seem to work out.

    I feel worried though.

    I feel afraid and triggered with the idea of not having sex for long periods of time.

    I don’t know why.

    I just feel so good and connected (in general not just to the person) when I have sex.

    Oh well, ho hum.

    The Universe will find the way.

    Maybe I need more practice at not following urges.

    Did it so well last weekend.

    Last night I thought I could work it though… did not take into account the other person having major issues.

    Usually I would internalise this and my self esteem would take a hit.

    Maybe it has a little, and I am intending to experiment with a different way of dealing with this now. I intend to pick supportive thoughts about this and love myself through the ickiness.

  231.  #231Mel on October 8, 2011 at 5:03 am

    ((Hugs!!!)) Ella ♥

    It sounds like you handled that beautifully. Like a beautiful, graceful siren. It is completely obvious that this was entirely his stuff. Back on your horse chica!

  232.  #232Mel on October 8, 2011 at 5:07 am

    My horse is leaving guys behind in the dust this weekend… Perhaps they can sense that I am feeling especially sireny and they have fallen back for a while. I’m not slowing down though. Places to visit, people to see. No time for stragglers!

    Any one else want to join the horse caravan to
    Me-hico? Alias girl? It will be a more comfy ride without those brass balls! 😉

  233.  #233Ella on October 8, 2011 at 5:30 am

    Ok separate issues.

    CD1, who I met at the petrol station, and have not yet been on a proper date with, keeps leaving messages on my voicemail, and in the last one he said he feels like he is having a relationship with my voicemail, and not me… yet! And he would like to have one with me!

    Then he said he missed me.

    Errr, hmmm.

    Ok, but how can you miss someone you haven’t spent any time with?

    Sirens is this a red flag?

  234.  #234Daria on October 8, 2011 at 5:43 am

    Ella – lol! 😀 no, it means he likes you !

    a red flag is bad behavior

  235.  #235Daria on October 8, 2011 at 5:44 am

    i get triggered like that sometimes and used to tell guys, but you havent even seen me, how do you miss me!! and get all closed off and suspicious… it still happens im in the noticing it stage… im pretty sure i pushe dguys away with this, my dfense

    mmfff love to me!

  236.  #236Daria on October 8, 2011 at 5:45 am

    Hehe Mel is rockin it

  237.  #237marina on October 8, 2011 at 5:45 am

    On the train back home for my cherry popping Grease movie night (never watched it…)
    I went to a giant 2nd hand clothes market and bought some adorable clothes for a few euros each.
    Next month some friends of mine and me will have our own marketstand 🙂

    Last night I lay tarotcards for the first time in my life. I felt amazed by how accurate they were regarding my life…powerfull stuff!
    My friend kept saying, well, you chose those yourself…lol..

    2 cute little boys sitting next to me on the train. I would love to have kids like that! One day…hopefully 😀

  238.  #238marina on October 8, 2011 at 5:48 am

    Hi Daria, Ella, Mel and AliasGirlLol!

  239.  #239marina on October 8, 2011 at 5:51 am

    oh and hi FW, EW, Miri and all you other dear Sirens I am catching up with!
    Hope you are all having a fun weekend!

  240.  #240Mel on October 8, 2011 at 5:56 am

    Good morning Marina!

  241.  #241Daria on October 8, 2011 at 5:58 am

    Hi Marina

  242.  #242Mel on October 8, 2011 at 6:03 am

    Feelin’ sexy in my new undies…. LOL

    Starla, did you go shopping too? Anything to report? My sexy CD has apparently stopped chasing for now…BUT I am not texting/contacting him. I am focusing on me, me me!

    If I’m going to be dateless, I might as well have fun! I registered for a contemporary dance class. It’s SUPER fantastic! There was a musician that played percussion for us while we danced and leapt frolicked about. I felt like a little girl! 🙂 Now I have ballet, contemporary and yoga to help me keep my girlish figure. Maybe need to add-in one day of running or something for some cardio.

    Off to see the bees this morn… have a great day all! The weather here is amazing!

  243.  #243Ella on October 8, 2011 at 6:05 am

    Aww Mel

    Thank you.

    I feel heart warmed and also… impressed that you can make a heart shape on here… how do you do that?

    🙂 xoxo

  244.  #244Ella on October 8, 2011 at 6:06 am

    Mel 232

    Sounds good.


  245.  #245Ella on October 8, 2011 at 6:06 am

    Hey Marina.


  246.  #246Ella on October 8, 2011 at 6:07 am

    Daria re 234

    Oh 🙂

    he he.


  247.  #247AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Cate OMG goosebumps I love it so much thank you for sharing what a great analogy!!!!………………………”I love this analogy of walking through life and relationships as if walking through a forest. It is helping me to remain open and able to simply experience what is happening around me, rather than try to control, manage, direct, or guide it. Right now I feel a relationship storm brewing. Just like when I feel a real storm approaching, I feel scared. Yet this time I stay where I’m at. I feel aware of myself, my body, my surroundings, the swaying of the trees, the pressure change as the storm comes closer. As it hits I feel the wind whipping around me, howling in my ears. I feel the rain hit me, hard and stinging against my skin. I do not scream back at the wind, nor do I try to hide from the rain, I simply stand there and feel it hit my face, my arms, my back and chest. I feel the drops running down over my whole body, soaking me, but I do not blame the wind and rain. I do not question why it is storming. I do not analyze the storm pattern, and I do not tell it to stop. I do not fight it. I stand there and take it all in, feeling that I will come through this unharmed. I feel thrilled and amazed at the power of the storm and my lack of control over it. As the storm moves on, I feel cold and wet. I feel strong and balanced and real. I feel the pressure lift. I watch the storm continuing off in the distance, feeling that there will be more storms to come and feeling that with a good night’s sleep and a tent over my head I will wake ready to feel the sun rise. “……..BEAUTIFUL..Those who say only sunshine brings happiness have never learned to dance in the rain 🙂

  248.  #248AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 6:58 am

    I want to be inspired, THATS it!!!!! MEN IN MY LIFE INSPIRE ME , LETS LEARN TOGETHER AND LOVE TOGETHER! ….I am sick and on antibiotics and cough syrup so it may be taking hold lol…but I mean it!….XOXOXO

  249.  #249marina on October 8, 2011 at 7:43 am

    Anyone who wants to dance in the rain…come on over and grab my hand…it is raining cats and dogs here and I still have to go get the ingredients for the homemade pizza’s….

  250.  #250LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 7:51 am

    Hi Amazing Me! Glad to see you here.

    I read your posts and I am in the same place you are right now. I have been sick with a sinusy cold for 4 weeks now.
    Coincidently during these 4 weeks, I have been on a path of emotional healing, of reconnecting with myself.
    During these past 4 weeks, I have been feeling resistance to being what was, controlling…as much with my colleagues at work, as with my bf, as with my cold.

    Bc of this cold, I haven’t had the energy to go to zumba class, to go shopping, to go and do anything to spend energy, hence anything to distract me from what was. I also ran out of energy to resist and confront my colleagues and my bf. I was forced to relax, lean back, and observe what was. To let go of resisting and controlling.
    I was forced to sit quiet a my friend’s wedding, when I am usually the fun party animal. Forced to sit there, allow my feelings to be, feel them and see what that meant to me. Turned out to be such a beautiful enriching experience where I learned a great deal from people there.
    I was forced to give up control at work, express my feelings and after just let people be and allow them to give and allow myself to receive. The whole vibe of people changed and they gave me what I needed to get things moving. Turned out to be such an enriching experience where I learned a great deal from people around me.
    I was froced to give up control w my bf, express my feelings, and after just allow him to be. The whole vibe feels different between us. I feel open to receiving, he feels open to giving. For the 1st time in months and months, he has his whole day planned out. He hasn’t planned out a day in months and months. He planned time for his son, he planned time for himself…most importantly for me, he PLANNED the majority of his time today FOR ME.

    The moment I let go of fighting everything that was, with my cold, my colleagues, my bf, my friends. Everything, I mean absolutely everthing turned into being so enriching to fill me up. I feel full of love.

    I set myself on this path, I started on this path by setting a boundary with my bf by no sx without a real comitted relationship. That’s when my cold took over…and forced me to sit and feel, forced me to let my feelings guide me through this path that has brought me to feeling peaceful, full of love and open.

  251.  #251Ella on October 8, 2011 at 8:29 am

    Hmph have not heard from CD2 since yesterday afternoon.

    And I was the last one to text.

    I know that is not long at all just feeling really needy right now and paranoid about guys leaving me!

    Sulky, sulky.

    Going to take some really good, super Siren care of myself tonight.

  252.  #252LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 8:40 am

    I woke up feeling scared this morning. I’ll start from the beginning.

    As I just wrote, the whole vibe has shifted in a big way between me and D since the 2nd half of this week. Since I completely let go of control, expressed my feelings in FMs, and just let everything be, I feel him drawn to me in a whole different way. The tone of his voice makes me feel loved. He is being more specific, less vague when he speaks. He is planning his time and including me in it with me taking up most of that time.

    So I woke up this morning feeling scared. I knew he would be calling me to be with me and that had me feeling scared. I knew I had to deal with that feeling fast before he called.
    At that moment the movie The Notebook was starting on TV. My head was telling me to come here on the blog to seek help. But I really felt like lying there and sinking in to that movie. I did what I really FELT like doing, I watched the movie.
    I was so absorbed in it. Through all the turmoil that couple went through, he was always there waiting for her.
    After the movie was over, I sat there thinking about my own relationship: In the beginning, D was so crazy into me. I felt so scared, I kept a cold wall up that eventually disconnected him from me. I was so far leaned back that I wasn’t even there with him. He started flirting with other women, started to put everyone else first…I would freak out, not share my feelings, and turned around to start chasing him, being needy and suffocating.
    He got so confused with my turn arounds. Through all my angry jealousy fits, my pulling away, leaving him, wanting him back…He would pull away, withdraw, treat me awful…But he always stayed around, he never left me. He kept waiting around for me through all the turmoil. Through all the turmoil, he stayed around waiting for me to come to my senses, waiting for me to reconnect w myself, waiting for the real me to show up.
    Through this 4 week path I set myself on, I have reconnected with myself, the real me is showing up.
    Sitting here allowing my fear to be, looking at it, I see what I am scared of. I see that I am scared of getting sucked back in, scared of being used, taken for granted, being unimportant.
    Every time I have pushed him away, he came back. He came back in a different way every time: In a using me way, in a sex toy way, in a friend way, in a casual way.
    This time, I pushed him away with my boundary of no sx w/o the real relationship, no inviting him, no more cooking for him. This time he is coming back and I am feeling him being honourable towards me. I don’t get the feeling that he has nothing better to do bc he PLANNED his day w me in it. I don’t get the feeling that he is trying to seduce me. He didn’t plan any seductive candlelight dinner, he didn’t plan anything except just being with me. I feel loved and wanted just for me, not my body, not anything but just ME.
    He just planned to hang out with me. We always just hang out.

    But the big deal to me here, is that HE PLANNED time for me, he kept open time for ME. He would usually keep his time open in case something else came up, and call me only once he knew that nothing else came up at the last minute. Before, he would have called me at 3pm today to say “I’m coming over”. But now, today, he called me at 10am, asked me if I was free from around 2 to 3pm and on. Told me everything he had planned today and asked me if I could join him at 2 or 3pm to be together for the rest of the day and evening.

    I can choose to let my fear take over, or just let things be how they will be and receive like I have done this past week. All the controlling and resisting was out of FEAR. Once I let go of that fear, I let go of all the resistance and control, it has brought me nothing but good.
    So I don’t feel like inviting the fear along with me today. The fear I woke up with this morning, has no hold over me, is no longer in control over me, bc I just went along the path of my feelings. That’s what I will do with D today, just let my feelings guide me through the path.

  253.  #253Emerson on October 8, 2011 at 9:36 am

    Thanks all for your replies Ginger Sky, Daria, Tiffany, et al….

    Some thoughts about my experience with Recycled the other day….I have not heard from him since….(sigh)

    I have to remind myself it’s not my job to tell him how to deal with his emotional issues… I actually haven’t done that lately…but gawsh he really tries to dump it on me sometimes. He’s gotten better because I’ve put the boundaries up and told him to stop dumping his crap on me when it’s too much.

    I feel at times like I read all this Rori stuff and I love it…and then I’m there in front of him, it all flew out the window and my MIND took over wanting a RESULT and RELIEF by “expressing” myself, which was really a form of unleashing (not surrender speak)…not a calm and confident communication experience, which is what I want to be able to do.

    I think I’m so afraid of being unheard…afraid that my needs won’t be addressed?? So I feel like “this is my chance, I better take it”…..kinda like the sense of urgency thing. I really really want to identify/heal/cycle past this….please angels thank you…..

  254.  #254Emerson on October 8, 2011 at 9:38 am

    The other day when I met up with Recycled…I was not psyching myself up for talking with him because I have other things on my mind…other times I’ve “prepped” myself beforehand.
    And the therapeutic voice is not natural for me yet…feeling messages and such….I have to focus and remind myself before I see him (or any guy) to speak this way and allow myself to just “be”….and sink into the feelings and practice SILENCE!!!!

    However, I did remember to lean back. And HE was leaning back too. LOL he’s so feminine in some ways. Trying to get me to row in so many ways. Hahaha good luck, I will OUTGIRL you!!!!!!!! LOL LOL LOL

    At the moment I was there with him, I was trying to listen but I’m so sick of hearing him complain, talk, discuss, make excuses blah blah blah about his divorce….I told him (I’m sure I sounded irritated) “I don’t want to HEAR about it anymore, and I feel bored” I cannot handle listening to him talk about it. BORING BLAH BLAH BLAH.

    LOL LOL LOL  lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

    ……..Unless you are going to talk about me and how you can help me or get to know me.
    Hahaha I’m all about ME!!!! Memememememememem I love mememememememe and IT IS OK. It’s not selfish. Its not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Anyway, I kinda forgot to look for the message. I forgot to do I’m all that.

    I did remember to do waterwheel for a minute or two and I also did the “I feel curious” thing to stay in the moment….but I think anxiety and anger took over, and I lost focus.

    I overfunctioned when we said goodbye because I asked for a hug.  He had already leaned in for a kiss goodbye (me leaning way back) and gave me a compliment…I complimented him back and asked him for a hug and thanked him for some things he’s done for me…I feel now that I should have kept quiet, taken the compliment and not asked for the hug. I remember reading somewhere not to reciprocate the compliment at the same moment….but wait till another time…am I right!???

  255.  #255Emerson on October 8, 2011 at 9:43 am

    LILI41 thank you for sharing that …it’s helpful to read about the fear that you felt and how you moved past it in the moment…I feel fear also…and i feel inpsired reading how your situation played out.

    I’m feeling so tempted to lean forward toward Recycled right now…but I’m not going to nonono don’t call him Emerson 🙂 It’s ok.

  256.  #256LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 9:43 am

    Hi Emerson,

    I have been there. All the Rori stuff out the window when I had him in front of me.

    But here’s the solution that worked for me these past few weeks: I focused on myself, observing the moment, evolving for myself and not for him. Every focus on him, I turned that focus back on me. Stopped myself looking at him and looked at me.
    I feel so confident, at peace and connected with myself, that I know that when I will be with him…I will not feel like accusing and lashing out, I will feel like just being with my own feelings and expressing MYSELF, not laying it all on him. I will let him be, and just be for myself.

    I invite you to read my path in my previous posts to help guide you to get to your good place.

  257.  #257LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Daria, I’m so “getting” you now.

    I love my anger, I love my fear, I love my loneliness…I love me today for having loved those feelings in the past 4 weeks.

  258.  #258LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 9:49 am

    Emerson, it’s the leaning back that forced me to myself and this loving myself feeling today….I also feel loving and open towards him…and he’s back in a wonderful way.
    I feel very present in the moment right now, and I will fully feel and live the moment with him tonight.

    Thanks to having forced myself to lean back.

  259.  #259Tiffany on October 8, 2011 at 9:55 am

    I am guilty of not believing and trusting that I am loved.

  260.  #260Emerson on October 8, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Thanks LILI 41 I have read some of your posts but will revisit..I’ve not been keeping up on the block so much because it moves so fast and I have not had time…but I feel curious how your story has played out.

    I don’t want to attract someone toxic again. I feel that Recycled is toxic in some ways. There are many things about him that are triggering and remind me of past two relationships. Feeling frustrated because I want to learn the lesson so I can move on to the next REAL thing. 🙁 GGRRRRRRR! Feeling mad

  261.  #261Emerson on October 8, 2011 at 9:56 am

    260 I meant not keeping up on the BLOG not the BLOCK…lol lol

  262.  #262Daria on October 8, 2011 at 10:01 am

    aww lili… that feels good to read 🙂

    time for project runway! yay!!

    i been cooking and house stuff today even w my mom here cuz she’s jetlagged and i feel so hehe good and important

    i LIKE feeling all domestic goddess

  263.  #263Daria on October 8, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Emerson – well i attract lots of guys some toxic and some not, im pretty sure i attract a very high percentage of the male population, but what do i say NO to and what do i say YES to ?

    im feeling excited so excited about my romantic life

  264.  #264AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 10:12 am

    @250 and@252 awwww Lillybelle thats what I want to call you i am sorry if it bothers u its just you made me connect so much with you and what you said. I was on a road to destruction and now look at life so different. At peace with me, more emotional than ever, I am finally letting myself have feelings and sink into them. It is pouring here would love a snuggle buddy but it cant just be anyone. I want him to love all of me and my sweatpants and Your experiences are a true learning process for all of us! Thank you and big hugs to you!

  265.  #265AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 10:23 am

    I did have a cd last night was kind of funny and a great learning experience!! We met for coffee and geez he acted busy like when it was time to pay at Starbucks was where we were. I was like oh dude if this man expects me to pay for his coffee he lost his noodle!!! I didnt mind paying for mine so I started getting my momey out and he goes oh sorrry day dreaming and payed for both. We almost didn’t even meet because earlier we said 7 pm we will meet up just were not sure where. Well at 6 he texts oh I fell asleep I will call you in a little while. I said oh I am sorry I didnt hear from you so I made other plans. My schedule is pretty tight maybe another…felt so good. Well i already knew he leaves for NY for awhile before. He text and says man I messed up I really wanted to see you. So I said well maybe I will let you take me for coffee and he said of course what time I be there. LOL i felt like a siren big time. We chatted he was a gentleman I guess we will see right now he is a CD. 🙂

  266.  #266AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 10:28 am

    The Notebook what a great great movie….he waited for her he knew she would come back in his heart i mean he wanted her too. That is what I want from the love of my life! Sometimes two people connect and you don’t know why but nothing keeps them apart. ohhh ahhhh feeling romance!

  267.  #267Ella on October 8, 2011 at 10:44 am

    CD1 is taking me for coffee on Monday afternoon.

    He phoned up and I am feeling all stressed and unhappy about my work and he wants to help.

    I am feeling all unworthy of his help… and like I need to ‘repay’ him… hmmm, maybe some work to do here…

    He wants to help so maybe I can just let him. Maybe that will be a pleasure for him, and a chance for me to practice recieving.

    Feeling very low energy right now and tight in my heart area.

    Feeling mucho grouchy and like everything is too hard.

    Feeling annoyed about last night and annoyed at myself that I am not thinner.

    And I know this is only today and this too shall pass.

    I am going to watch a film in a minute.

    And do some ironing.

    This always makes me feel calmer.

    Ironing is one the things I do for money.

  268.  #268Daria on October 8, 2011 at 10:52 am

    we already have a lilybelle posting on blog 🙂

  269.  #269Daria on October 8, 2011 at 11:01 am

    Amazing ME yay for your sireness!

  270.  #270AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 11:03 am

    RE 269 Thanks Daria I am a lady and I am sticking to it well unless my boy needs to kick some butt..haha

  271.  #271AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 11:25 am

    So Daria guess what I take my boards on Thursday!!! YAY excited but sooooo nervous. My life is riding on this test. Any advice besides take a nerve pill which i have to!

  272.  #272Starla on October 8, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Oh Sirens, I have missed the island! But I’ve only been away because everything is lovely and exciting in my life, and it’s not slowing down:).

    CD1/Crack Fix doesn’t feel like my crack fix any more. He feels like…I dunno. There’s something quite right about that man. He opens up more and more every time we talk. I am feeling completely open to him, and not afraid.

    I am learning so much. He is my loveliest messenger yet. I will always keep these lessons of what true connection and respect and appreciation feels like, in BOTH directions.

    I am down to only one other CD right now, CD2, but I still CD with other men out in the world on a daily basis.

    I feel bad about CD2 because I don’t feel for him the way I feel for CD1. I feel like I am using CD2, but at the same time, he is getting the company of a woman he finds beautiful who isn’t bothering him for anything serious. He is 13 years older than me so I am guessing I am not using him at all but a nice thing in his life. He has a 10 year old son and plenty of his own stuff to worry about. He hosts a karaoke night at a fancy bar and is going to throw me a little party next week for finishing up with some studies for a while. He’s lovely.

  273.  #273Daria on October 8, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Amazing Me – so you’ve decided to take them … okay, well hmm my advice is about, your life is NOT riding on these tests. They are just something on the road to what you want! and no matter what happens you will be good , you will be ok, you will thrive…

    and eat breakfast don’t go in there with low blood sugar …

  274.  #274Daria on October 8, 2011 at 11:52 am

    and imagine yourself doing well, breathe calmly during the test and don’t second guess yourself

  275.  #275Daria on October 8, 2011 at 11:52 am

    maybe check out some EFT on youtube and do some EFT aroudn your fears. that can really help

  276.  #276Ella on October 8, 2011 at 11:56 am

    What are boards?

  277.  #277Ella on October 8, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    I feel confused though,

    If I am offering a guy the amazing gift of spending time with me… sleeping with me even, why would he not want that?

    Does he feel unworthy?

    I know we have to focus on ourselves and how we feel.

    Hmm, I feel ok.

    Warmish. Confused and a little sad.

    Still a little lonely but glad of the good things in my life.

    Yes appreciative of those.

    I hope that I can earn enough money from my job.

    I hope I get a lovely man to take care of me.

    And I hope I can be slim and happy.

    And I am.

    And I do.

    A few men actually. 🙂

  278.  #278Ella on October 8, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Oh I am feeling more relaxed somehow.

    I am trusting things will work out.

    I am feeling curvy and I LOVE my curves.


    What else?

    I love that men want to love me and look after me.

  279.  #279Ella on October 8, 2011 at 12:34 pm



    🙂 xx

    Great to have a party thrown for you too!!

  280.  #280Emerson on October 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    I leaned forward and sent a text to Recycled. We had tentative plans for today so I don’t like that he just poofs and leaves me hanging 🙁
    I just sent a neutral message that I was running errands etc but I know I should not have
    I wish I had not sent it now but oh well! I’m kind of just experimenting!

  281.  #281Daria on October 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    im feeling so excited!!!!

    i just talked to HippieCD and he wasl ike are you busy and i was feling all tense all of a sudden cuz im like he’s gonna waanna do a sex show again and ive been feeling not good about it

    and then I SAID.. .im laughing now!! weeee:

    HIPPIE CD: are you busy?

    dgirl: im feeling scared to tell you this… but i want to be hella open wit u…
    ive been feeling weird about talkin lately cuz i don
    i don’t want to just be there for a man to get off yu know… i want to feel close and connected like i did at first
    sorry for not saying something earlier

    Hippie: i understand love
    im sorry if i made you feel like thats all i want form you but its not im really into you i like you a lot

    dgirl: 🙂 thank you…
    you’re making me feel good

    Hippie: i feel kinda bad im sorry
    hope you dont like me any less now

    dgirl: aww papi
    no i just feel relieved to have talked to u


    i feel so relieved and i feel glad not to be ‘hiding’ something and it felt scary to bring it up and i DID it and ai LOVE MEEEE WEEEEEEE

    go meeee
    twirly whirly girl

  282.  #282Ella on October 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm



    🙂 🙂


  283.  #283Ella on October 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm


    experimenting is good.

    Being left hanging does not feel good to me either.


  284.  #284alias girl lol on October 8, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    i feel infatuated with ldbd. aw. he called me a weirdo. aw. lol.

    not a weirdo in a bad way but in weirdo like i get you way.

    like he wasnt afraid to call me a weirdo.

    oh who can explain the workings of my heart.

    anyway he was inching his way up to numero uno but then he slipped in his rankings. now he’s hanging outside the castle wall with the rest of’em.

    all 100 of’em.

    lol. i live in my imagination. it is so lovely there.

    i told ldbd that i felt nervous and a little lazy to meet him.

    in my imagination… what happens…hmmm in my imagination i snap out of my feelings of nervousness and laziness and we meet and he is a gentleman and we get to know each other over time and then we have rockin sex.

    ah yes.

  285.  #285Gena on October 8, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    Hi Rori,

    Men ALWAYS pull away from me. This has happened in my last 4 relationships. I have been through both the Modern Siren series and Reconnect your relationship and am a loss as far as what to do.

    My current “relationship” is now an imaginary one (although it started with him chasing me. A series of events happened that have left me wondering what to do. We lived in different states at first and talked on the phone sporadically. We then became VERY close with 3 hour phone calls and visits once a month. About 6 months in he told me that the number of “contacts: we had made over the past 2 months (from his phone) scared him. He had been calling me 2 or three times a day. It not only scared him, but he was “freaked out”. I told him I didn’t think it was excessive, but he told me we would have no contact for 1 week.

    I was considering a move to his state (close by) for family and job and he was so excited. He guided me to a location close by him and told me about all kinds of plans that he had for “us”.

    However, since moving 6 weeks ago, I have hardly seen him. I KNOW he is not married or seeing anyone (as I know a few of his friends).

    He has had some huge personal trials lately…but I see this pattern again!! He doesn’t speak in the same tone to me…and one day he snapped at me on the phone and said “as long as it makes YOU feel better to tell me…that’s all that matters…its ALWAYS been that way!”. I KNOW by that comment that he was treating me like his ex (who recently confessed that her child is not his). He also just found out that he has a sister! He has been betrayed by lots of women…but I have never done anything to hurt him.

    In fact, I now know that I”ve been too nice! I’ve also volunteered to do things when I shouldn’t have. I’m working on all of that now.


    He has not called me for a week (and that was after I texted him about something) and I have not seen him for a month!! I do not see his friends (except thru him).

    In the past, the guys NEVER called me again. I feel that he is treating me like the women in his life that have lied to him…but I am not like any of them.

    Should I CALL him to set up a time to talk and tell him how things have been making me “FEEL”??

    Note: I have noticed that he will tend to call me if he is jealous. This has happened twice recently.

    Please help me get out of this pattern!!!

  286.  #286Daria on October 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    i feel sad hearing a kitten meow outside… it feels kinda cold out and windy

    i am making up stories about kitten dying and my help not helping and seeing how im shooting mysefl in the foot for ideas like bringing a towel. my hair is wet and i dont want to get sick and dont want to wake up uncle

    dont have to help kitten now, i dont hear it yes i do


    i love me

    i love my helpless feeling


    i love that im noticing the stories and how theyre learned

    thank you daria for thinking about this and noticing and for feeling

  287.  #287AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    ELLA boards are my nursing boards to get my nursing license…sorry bout that!!

  288.  #288AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Thank you Daria great advice as always!!! Sirens I am goin in!!!! Cover me and by that I mean pray..haha

  289.  #289Daria on October 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    im doing EFT about the kitten

    i can’t see it, i tried looking from the balconies. i could go outside searching for the kitten, i feel cold though

    i feel surprised at myself that i dont’ feel scared to do it even tho its almost 1 am

    i feel sad

    what if the kitten is not cold but hurt

    what if the kitten is in the upstairs balcony

    i dont want to be cold and maybe get sick tryna find the kitten

    what if it’s lonely and my brining it a towel wont help

    thank you Daria for thinking about helping the kitten and looking for the kitten

    i bet your power will grow and you will do stuff that feels good to help other beings more and more by you doing those babysteps

  290.  #290Ella on October 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm


    I am taking a tougher line.

    Flaky CD can go swivel.

    Guy from last night can go swivel.

    And even CD2 can go swivel for a bit…

    CD1 is the only one stepping up in a way worthy of my attention right now so he is the only 1 who will get any of my attention.

    I will stay open however I am done giving any of me to undeserving men.



    I feel bored.

    They gonna have to do a lot better… so much better.

    No more Miss Nice Ella.

  291.  #291Daria on October 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Gena – no, don’t call him. Start CDing if you’re not doing so already, that is crucial – it will take all the troubles of ‘imaginary relationship’ out. you can continue to date him if you ask

    but now your task is to focus on you and creating a fabulous life for yourself in this new place, loving yourself in new ways and practicing the tools with every man you meet

    you will heal and it is the fastest way to a relationship that feels good!

  292.  #292Ella on October 8, 2011 at 2:55 pm


    I second Daria.

    Hugs. xoxox

  293.  #293Daria on October 8, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Gena – I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear. In general, trying to ‘make something happen’ with a man, anything, by intitiating talking, even by making him jealous… it doesn’t work. playing hard to get Might work, for a very short period of time, and then the man will pull away again

    Circular Dating will help you learn to BE hard to get, and heal your patterns by practicing with lots of men, healing triggers with all of them… it’s not about making him jealous, or even about finding a great man… its about healing you… and that will start to bring in great men, and inspire the ones in your life now who Can be great, to step up

  294.  #294Daria on October 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    and i want to correct… “you can continue dating him if HE asks you out, and you want to”

    but this is not about him, or what he’s going through, this is about you and focusing on yourself, and letting lots of men give to you until it becomes second nature to receive the attention and love of a great man

  295.  #295Daria on October 8, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    this guy may not be it, but by practicing the tools and letting him show you who he is, he will be inspired to step up if he can. and if he can’t, you will be able to see it, by not picking up the slack for him, or blocking him by leaning forward

  296.  #296Daria on October 8, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    good for you for not calling or texting him this week!

    this guy is NOT being there… not seeing you for a month… you deserve and you CAN HAVE better much better than that!

    keep on practicing!

  297.  #297Starla on October 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    I second Daria too. You’re doing great already leaning back for the most part. Take it to the next level and start circular dating.

    And ask yourself how it feels to be romantically involved with a man you only hear from once a week or see once a month.

  298.  #298Daria on October 8, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    i feel so judgemetntal towards myself

    like hateful



    that’s what im getting triggered thinking about the kitten

    omg i hate myself

    and i love myself

    i fele compassionate towards myself

    i actually honor myself for even thinking about helping the kitten




    you can’t do anything cuz pepople choose their own

    but the kitten is begging for help!

    i have to take care of myself

    you are a coward, a selfish coward, no better than the cop who let the woman give birth in handcuffs

    yes i am no better, no one is better,

    better than the nazi guards just doing their jobs



    no one is better

    i have compassion for myself

    if i love myself my power will grow more and more an d i will be able to help more

    but you arent helping THIS ONE

    just like you may help people but you arent helping your PEOPLE that are in jail

    like sure you can heal people but you arent healing YOUR FAMILY!




    i love myself

    i love my helpless rageful voice

    i honor my desire to help

    my desire for compassion

    i honor my compassion for myself

    i honor all of me

    thank you me thank you me thank yoiu

  299.  #299Daria on October 8, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    people always talk about, well no one did anything, but this ONE woman, SHE was brave, she did something

    yeah but what about the thousand who tried



    you kjnow that?

    they’re always making up stories making one person seem braver than the rest and making the rest of us feel shameful

    i don’t want that bullshit


    rewriting that the way i rewrite ‘i can’t live without you love songs”

    they’re no longer me, they’re no longer my life, they’re no longer the way i love, they’re no longer “honorable, and romantic”





  300.  #300Femininewoman on October 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Hi Gena,

    Betrayal is his issue, maybe because of something from childhood. He is playing out his program of betrayal by being attracted to that type of woman. This is not about you. Pulling your roots to go closer to him would in my opinion not make you more attracted to you. He has to do the work not you. I would avoid disagreeing with him about what he thinks about the number of calls. That is his opinion and you are entitled to your own. Maybe for him and his normal pattern of behaving it is abnormal so he is freaked. I would give him his space so he address his own issues to overcome his fears, if he can. In the meantime I guarantee you there are other guys out there who are looking for a great woman to spend time with. Trust me the attention from other places will make you feel like a million bucks.

  301.  #301Gena on October 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Thank you Daria and Starla. I KNOW what I have to do…but the circular dating is difficult for me. I find VERY few guys that I’m attracted to. I’m a model and a Doctor. People SAY I’m a 10 (or 9 1/2)….so I feel I have fewer guys to choose from. I was married to a 7…but people told me I married beneath me (in the looks dept). There are just very few guys that I’d go out with. I’ve tried dating myself…but that isn’t the same for me.

    Any advice???

  302.  #302Femininewoman on October 8, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Gena what do you think about yourself? People say a lot and talk is cheap. I would encourage you to form your own perspective. People who are married can be jealous and talk crap also.

  303.  #303Ella on October 8, 2011 at 3:40 pm


    The numbers thing feels bad to me. I don’t want to rate people based on percieved attractiveness.

    Circular dating isn’t about ‘finding’ a man or even dating men you are attracted to.

    Its about free therapy and healing stuff for you.

    You’re a model and a doctor?

    Wow, I feel in awe, slightly jealous and even slightly suspicious and I also feel bad for feeling that way.

    Ow, I feel afraid to say how I feel!

    Hugs to you anyway.


  304.  #304Ella on October 8, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    I think that when a guy has been flaky, I will still be open to him, however he no longer gets more than just kinds secondary attention unless he seriously steps up his game.

    Its like he has put himself right back by being flaky.

    So its not a No so much as an ‘oh I didn’t notice you there’ (because I am too busy getting on with my fab life and being romanced by other guys!)

    And then he just has to work extra hard to get on my radar again.

    Yeah that feels good.


  305.  #305Daria on October 8, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    im a model and a doctor too in my own way


  306.  #306Daria on October 8, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Gena – don’t go out with guys based on past patterns – who you’d usually date, or who you find attractive

    go out wiht all men who ask you, as long as you don’t feel afraid of them

    practice tools. practice telling the truth of how you feel. practice receiving great treatment, even from men you don’t feel sexually attracted to

    practice curiosity instead of judgement

    that’s a lot of practice. it will HEAL YOU. and it will change your love life forever

  307.  #307Ella on October 8, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    I have eaten too much tonight.

    I have not done that for ages.

    I have been feeling off balance and out of control recently which is fine, and automatically went into some old patterns cus the axniety felt too much.

    Is all good though.

    I am going to be gentle with myself and love myself anyway.

    Feeling VERY VERY full up.

    And thats ok, I love my full upness and bloaty tummy.


    Awwww to me and my lil old patterns.

    Love the idea of ging slow and enjoying my work and my day to day life.

    Why not.

    And looking forward to coffee with CD1 on Monday.

  308.  #308AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Wow I wish I could just riff like that Daria…I just never do or want to but I do want to I admire you for that

  309.  #309Mel on October 8, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Woohoo! I feel super sireny today! (perhaps it’s the new undies! LOL)

    Firstly, I told text CD… “I feel bored of texting. I like real people and real conversations and fun. It would feel so nice to meet you, but I don’t want to feel pushy. What do you think?”

    He replied “I’d like that.” and then he stepped up to organize a date for Monday.

    Secondly, I’m soooo happy that I was able to visit the bees today… finally! The weather’s been uncooperative, but today was beautiful. I had a delicious time with my friend with BEEnefits. He was such a huge help lifting all the heavy honey boxes. I ended up with uite a bit of honey and now my place is a big sticky mess. So much fun though. And nice to have someone to share the experience with.

    Thirdly, sexy sarcastic saw my bbm status about honey and initiated a text convo with me. he said we should do something this week, he needs some honey.

    I say definitely, would be fun. He says he’ll have to check his schedule but thinks Tue/Wed are free… he’ll keep in touch. I tell him I’m not free Tue, but Wed could work. Then I quip: “I’m using pencil though.”

    This is a little running joke because I used to tell him I’d pencil him in when he asked me out, then he specifically asked if I would use pen.

    To that he replied: Humph! 🙁 LOL


    Finally, there’s a nice neighbor guy that’s been chatting me up. He knocked on my door this evening to see if I’d like to take my dogs for a walk with him and his dog. It’s just friendly… but nice to practice being receptive and just being myself around a man.

    I had a good day! 🙂

  310.  #310Mel on October 8, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    Oh yeah… and architect asked if I’d like to come on a mini-adventure with him Tue after work. He has to drive to this cute little town (about 1.5 hrs away) to pick something up and wanted to know if I’d keep him company and then go out for a nice dinner there with him. I said that I love adventures! That feels exciting!

    So I guess my dateless weekend is turning into a busy week ahead! 😉

  311.  #311alias girl lol on October 8, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    i am this close to going to salsa tonight.
    cha cha cha.

    i get 2 dance wit some boyz.

  312.  #312Daria on October 8, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    well Amazing me it is for my own good and it helps me feel good and like i am alive and purposeful

    thank you

    i feel glad it feels inspiring

    sometimes i come across someone else’s writing and im like wow i wish i could sound so deep and profound and

    then i tell myself i do i do

    but writing what i feel has brought me out of a life whre … i didn’t think anything would change for the better… deep hopelessness… and feeling alone and unheard and unworthy of being heard and afraid

    and i feel glad and moved to have discovered this blessing

  313.  #313Ella on October 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm


    Yay, wow… when I think how far you have come and how you have transformed your situation these last few months I feel in awe and also inspired.


  314.  #314Mel on October 8, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Awwww… Thanks Ella! That feels so nice to hear! 🙂

    ♥ P.S. I just insert the hearts using the “character palate” on my Mac. ♡

  315.  #315AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    Well u have inspired me to try it sometime soon 🙂

  316.  #316Mel on October 8, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Why does architect like me so much? I’m still confused by the whole “I don’t feel any attraction” thing when he first saw my pic. Now he seems smitten with me… and I’m the one not feeling much attraction. LOL Well… as he does some sweeter things, I’m feeling a little more attracted… but still. 😉

  317.  #317Starla on October 8, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Mel! Hey girl. Sounds nice in Mel-land. I’m so glad to read about it!

  318.  #318Mel on October 8, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    Hey Staaaaarla!

    How goes it?

  319.  #319Ella on October 8, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Mel re 316

    Hmmm, I feel curious.

    How did you react when he said he did not feel attracted to your pic initially?

    I only ask as I tend to react badly if a man doesn’t seem to be attracted to me! And wondering if maybe I can do some work here as it seems attraction can grow,

    Also I wonder how come he decided to still pursue you of he didn’t feel attracted? Just curious, I hope you don’t mind me asking…


  320.  #320Femininewoman on October 8, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Mel CCarter says men don’t make sense and they will say the opposite of what they mean. He also encourage women to do the same in a playful manner. As in saying “I hate you” with a smirk and wink.

  321.  #321Starla on October 8, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Everything is wonderful over here. My vibe is feeling really good. I am not feeling desperate or needy or afraid. Just good and juicy.

    Though I felt a little afraid when CD2 called cuz I don’t want to go out with him tomorrow.

  322.  #322Ella on October 8, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Oww, I would not feel good saying ‘I hate you’ to a man, even in a playful way.

    I realised that.

    I used to like CC, and some of his stuff is useful, however it always feels a bit like scratching the surface since I have been reading and practicing Rori.


  323.  #323Gena on October 8, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    I understand what everyone is saying about circular dating as a healing process, but I have had 5 stalkers in the past year because I went out with guys that I wasn’t particularly attracted to.

  324.  #324Mel on October 8, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Hey Ella!

    At that point… we were just communicating by email. He asked for a pic and I sent one (admittedly not a great pic, but I didn’t really have any). Then he said the “not attracted” thing. I just replied. “I understand. Cheers, Mel” Then I went out and got my hair done and took some great pics and posted them on my profile.

    Later (about 1.5 months) I accidentally got into contact with him again because he designed a building in my small town and I was at the grand opening. I wished him a congrats and he said he felt like an idiot because he saw my other pics and actually thinks I’m super cute. Then practically begged me to go out with him. LOL

    It’s funny too, because when I have gone out with him, I’ve specifically tried NOT to look my absolute best. Dressing a bit more casual, not spending too much time straightening my hair… just to see if he shows his superficiality again. Because while that was not my BEST photo… I’m sure I do look like that sometimes. Because I’m a real person and real people sometimes don’t have time to get all dolled-up. And I want a man that thinks I’m beautiful regardless. Because I am! 🙂

    Anyway… so this will be our 3rd date. I’m not really feeling much. Maybe because of what happened before I’m proceeding cautiously. He really wanted to kiss me last time. I just smiled brightly and gave him a hug and said “night!” I’m not really sure how to handle that next time! LOL

    How do you ladies deal with men wanting affection when you’re not totally into them?

    BTW… love ya Ella!

  325.  #325Gena on October 8, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Betrayal IS the issue….does ANYONE think that I should explain how I am feeling about this pattern that he is displaying? He is obviously petrified. I guess I don’t know when that’s appropriate and when the “no contact” thing is best.

    Any input?

  326.  #326Starla on October 8, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Gena, i understand your fear, but this is saying that men you’re not attracted to are stalkers. The ones you are attracted to….how come they’re not stalkers?

    Just curious and feeling intrigued by your situation:)

  327.  #327Lilybelly on October 8, 2011 at 5:06 pm


    Yay Me!!!

    I am treating myself so special this evening by using a yogurt, honey and lemon juice face mask. I feel pampered and special.

    Wait! I AM!!


  328.  #328Ella on October 8, 2011 at 5:14 pm


    Rori suggests that explaining is a form of trying to control.

    And also explaining what he has done wrong will not be helpful in this situation. It will not get you what you want.

    Better to just focus on you and how you feel.

    I know this may seem hard and frustrating when all you want to do is to ‘do’ something to fix the situation, and honestly imo the best you can do is take a step back and take care of yourself.


  329.  #329Daria on October 8, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Mel – Rori says to let men kiss us as soon as they try (as long as we’re not feeling REPULSED)

    kissing can help us open up and start feeling attracted too! i noticed that happening with me

    i had a CD i was NOT into… not my type, was judging him as needy, etc… was NOT turning me on kisisng, but after kisisng him anyway for a few days, it started to turn me on

    I FELT SHOCKED!! i still feel crinkly brow shocked remembering that

  330.  #330Daria on October 8, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    i also practiced CONSCIOUSLY choosing to be attracted to him. i appreciated in my mind everything that was possibly attractive about him, like his shirt, that he was into me, etc

    i felt so surprised that it worked!

  331.  #331Ella on October 8, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    I believe it is greato and healing to let CDs kiss us when they want if we are not repulsed, however I have a new recent boundary that I no longer let them kiss me until they have taken me on at least one proper date, because I was finding guys were wanting to (and trying to) kiss me really quickly after they met me.

    Not sure if there is something here about what I think I am worth, or whether maybe I am just super attractive! 😉 however the new boundary feels good for me.

    Don’t know if that helps at all.


  332.  #332Starla on October 8, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Ella Im sure you’re just terribly kissable

    I like the one date thing too…I won’t kiss unless we’re on a date.

    i love kissing new guys

  333.  #333Daria on October 8, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    For me, i don’t care When they kiss me. I don’t care IF they kiss me before they’ve taken me out and just met me.

    i don’t care if they kiss me and don’t step up!

    i feel all excited about this! i feel so jubilant to be so open about kissing,

    (i mean i was really really not allowing men to kiss me much before, i forgot how i even would get to the point of letting them kiss me. i think i had to be drunk or something)

    when rori said let them kiss you, it was like something just kinda clicked.

    like you mean it doesnt matter? i don’t have to wait until i feel passionately attracted to them already? i don’t have to play hard to get?

    it feels so fun to be able to kiss men including men i don’t feel attracted to !

    omg!! i feel ecstatic at being ABLE to do this. like being ALLOWED to. like it’s not ‘BAD’

    omgooodness giggle

    i feel guilty that it might trigger other people to hear about this

    i feel ashamed that i judge other people i think on a frequent basis and that this might get interpreted as me judging or making myself better than

    and i don’t want that, t\\\h i feel judgmental and mistrustful of myself

    like you’ra LYING to yourself, yuou DO want that you want to show how much better and cooler and more open you are than other ppeople and confident


    i love me!!

    yeah so why am i not trippin about this ‘proper date’ thing


    like there are situations when guys just want to be at the park and make out or even have sex

    and in a way that is a proper date to me

    but i dont want to do that everytime

    then it feels boring

    and it starts feeling unromantic to me

    so when i start feeling like That, then i can say something

    and i haven’t really had sex with guys that haven’t taken me out i mean i feel unsure, uncertain insecure, unromantic

    maybe for me its about sex

    its not so much about a boundary about no sex without dates as it is about how i feel

    aww kitten is meowing again


    im gonna make up good stories about the kitten’s life

    it feels like my guts are twisting up and i feel like crying now


    kitten is quiet

    i hope its not on the side of the street ran over


    the kitten grows up and feels HAPPY

    lovely life


    feels a bit of relief

    more crying

  334.  #334Mel on October 8, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Hmmm… interesting about the kissing thing. I felt kinda uncomfortable… but not necessarily repulsed. LOL This would be a HUGE step for me (not a baby one). I love kissing, but have always equated it with passion and attraction. I’ll have to think on this one and see if it resonates and feels good.

    Thanks ladies!

  335.  #335Daria on October 8, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    i guess i feel a bit defensive reading about other ladies choices in this case

    im like don’t let them kiss me until a date? but …


    the thoughts coming up are like… ‘oh he won’t feel motivated to ask you out’ or ‘he’ll judge you’

    and i really don’t believe those thoughts they sound not very believable

    that is not my experience

    i don’t actually ahve an issue kissing on dates or before

    like if i were at a club just meeting a guy and he kissed me, id feel great

    i feel tightend up in my tummy now!


    i feel totally ok kissing a man when he first tries, whether it’s right away (i mean – whats wrong with taht thinks me? with a frowny confused worried face… – i mean.. thats GREAT! to me)

    feeling squeezy in my chest hearing this is something ohter people don’t choose

    and i can choose it for me and i feel FRUSTRATED at being different

    i dont want to be different, i want to feel , like included and belonging

    and it’s ok, i never am anyway 🙁 pft

    ok thoughts, this is a thought pattern aha

    yay i noticed my thought pattern

    yay i feel totallly free aroudn kissing whenver, yay go me!!

    now about sex, here knowing me i would feel bad if i had sex with a guy and he nver saw me agaoin or was then contacting me in a way that didn’t feel romantic

    so i woulnt’ feel comfortable having sex – most likely – until i felt emotionally safe

    but kissing… i mean, am i Supposed to feel different around it? am i wrong?

    im asking myself the wrong quesitons

    i feel fine

    i feel great and joyful about feeling comfortable kissing when a guy tries to kiss me

    i don’t “get” why other people have differnt choices around it and that feels worrying triggering to me.

    im imagining all sorts of reasons they mihgt have

    cuz i feel scared now!

    i feel scared of being attacked for being different, and trying to show off, and then people either attacking me or distancing themselves for me – triggerific patterns to notice


    feeling very sleepy and tired now

  336.  #336Daria on October 8, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    reading Mel’s post, it was definitely a HUGE step for me, i think it revolutionized the way i relate to men and how much i could let them in!

    i feel thrilled i took that leap cuz gosh, it changed my dating life and my ability to be attracted to men and to be comfortable around them

    i’m feeling all triggered about being “alone” here on taking this step… mff

    this is VERY cool that im noticing this


    im noticing some subtle ass patterns for me on the blog when i go under why im trying to convince people of something

  337.  #337Daria on October 8, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    i also noticed i don’ feel bad at all being referred to in the 3rd person unless its something that doesn;t feel good to hear

  338.  #338AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    I am so sick of feeling this emptiness
    I hate my emotional self
    i hate my blind love
    i hate being alone
    I hate how much I still love you
    I hate that you have no idea what you are missing out on
    I hate your rude and crude remarks
    I hate that you don’t care
    I hate your selfish ways
    I hate my self centered ways
    I hate that you pretended to be someone you were not
    I hate that I pretended to be someone I was not for you
    for all of them
    I am a diva
    A princess
    A prize to be won
    I love my big heart
    I love the feelings and emotions
    I love My in touch with reality way of life
    I love me beauty
    I love how I am so AMAZING.

    Thats a start right Daria and that felt good.

  339.  #339Mel on October 8, 2011 at 6:17 pm


    I think you’re brave and soooo sireny and I’m aspiring to be more goddessy like you! 🙂

  340.  #340AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 6:18 pm


  341.  #341Daria on October 8, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    i wonder how many hundreds of men will have written to me on POF when i am back in cali?

    i know the messages are only on there for like 30 days so that means that only the last 20 days will still be on there


    i LOVE that hundreds of men write me

    i feel like a celebrity

    i feel guilty writing that like im trying to show off and so thats why im writing it to heal this

    i actually thought i LOVED showing off, maybe its cuz i get that squeezy hearted thrill of fear that i will then feel judged and attacked or separate from

    and i like cover it by shutting down my heart and going into judgement about other people

    and then im like OH YEAH IM SO GREAT

    and i want to be like OH YEAH IM SO GREAT AND HAVE MY HEART OPEN TOO




    liek a MONTH!

    and i have hundreds that write me on a different site too

    like this is already happening,

    is that amazing or what

    what makes hundreds of men want to write me and date me?

    is it my goddess ness?

    maybe its cuz i have awesome pictures that show my cleavage and even one that im kinda on the floor like a doggystyle position


    and i look awesome and they all think i look awesome and its not like sleazy .messages or anything, and its not even sleazy pic i have a business outfit on

    and if i was all naked and sleazy that’s awesome too!

    i was on the last site and i was getting tons of messages there consistently, which has kinda petered off and then i signed up on pof and KAPOW


    i am a s uper goddess

    i want to practice replying to more i have mostly replyied to the ones i find attractive or interesting

    men <3 me, i am hot, trallalalalalalalallah!!!!


    and then sometimes i think women are judging me and i shut down and judge them for judging me

    like look at this bitch she thinks i look fat she doesn't understand why the men are all into me its cuz i know its about being comfortable and attracted to my body


    look at this bitch she thinks i look skinny and dumb she doesnt get why men are all into me watching me hit my poses on the floor


    this bitch wants to do me


    and it feels kinda uncomfortable and embarassing to even write about it right now, like i don't want people to know im judging people like that

    and i feel so excited cuz that means im healing !! YAY MEE


    i don't want to compete no more no more no more no more

    hit the road jack, i don't want to compete no more…

    wat you say

    i feel so excited and teary thinking about going out and doing this AND i don't want to compete TOO!

    i know i will not LOSE anything from my experience just GAIN!

    i will gain gain gain!!


  342.  #342Daria on October 8, 2011 at 6:27 pm


  343.  #343AMAZINGME on October 8, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    I DONT FALL IN AND OUT OF LOVE I JUST LOVE TOO HARD…very sad but this too shall pass..

  344.  #344Daria on October 8, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    wow thanks MEL!

  345.  #345Senior Lady Vibe on October 8, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    I’m a model and a doctor in my own way also.

    And I’m some other things too…

    However, the actual pool of men available men to me *is* numerically smaller. So…I’ll persevere…. and develop really good places to explore.

    I say Yay! It’s all so exciting.

    I’m also “putting together” a “goddess” kind of mini-wardrobe of a half dozen [maybe a dozen?] looks. But it’s only for me and my own particular needs. And for fun and needlecraft practice.


  346.  #346Senior Lady Vibe on October 8, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    I’m sorting out yarn and inventorying needles, hooks and other stuff. I eliminated my stash about two years ago… It’s hard to believe I did that!

    But… I bought a box of super size (two foot square!) zip lock bags and I’m starting up again…



  347.  #347Daria on October 8, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    yay thank you Daria for changing my bedsheets

    thank you fro thinking of doing T-tapp stretch

    thank you for doing spinal undulations

    thank you for looking at my patterns and healing me

  348.  #348Daria on October 8, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    GO SLV!

    today i took apart a difficult seam of a tank top i want to make a bigger armhole for

    thank you Daria for doing that!

    and for remembering that i did it!

  349.  #349Daria on October 8, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    Video CD was chatting me sweet things, but it was lagging in time and i have told him i don’t like texting so i told him i like our communication and i don’t want to type/text right now, ttyl

    i feel kinda scared now and i love me anway and also feeling really good about taking such good care of me and not continuing on doing it and feeling resentful, esp when i wanted to watch a show instead and didn’t feel like clicking back and forth

  350.  #350Gena on October 8, 2011 at 6:55 pm


    No….most guys are NOT stalkers….but I’ve literally had five in this past year. Most of them are guys that I’ve paid no attention to…but with a few I agreed to go out with them just to try dating a different type of guy than what I normally date and it was a complete disaster!!! They turned into stalkers…wouldn’t leave me alone!!!

  351.  #351Senior Lady Vibe on October 8, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    @323: Gena

    Hi Gena. What’s your medical specialty?



  352.  #352Lucy on October 8, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    About letting guys kiss you as soon as they want to…

    I’ve known a lot of girls who do this and enjoy it.

    I did it for awhile and it felt okay. I have no judgments for or against it. After awhile it just didn’t serve me. I felt better choosing when I wanted to let guys kiss me, rather than doing it whenever They wanted to. I felt better following my feelings rather than a rule.

    I think you reach a point where you just don’t need the practice of letting them all kiss you anymore. It’s just a Tool like all the other ones. Use it when you need it, and don’t use it when you don’t.

    It’s one of those training wheels things. Good for a season, then you don’t need it anymore and can trust/follow your feelings.


  353.  #353Gena on October 8, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Senior lady Vibe,

    I am a Naturopathic Dr.

    Senior lady vibe
    I am a Naturopathic dr.

  354.  #354Gena on October 8, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    I understand that explaining is not the way to go, but Rori suggests telling the guy how we feel about something for that emotional attachment. What would be wrong with that??

    Isn’t it the WAY it’s presented?

  355.  #355Senior Lady Vibe on October 8, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    @348: Daria says:
    “…GO SLV!…”


    “…i took apart a difficult seam of a tank top i want to make a bigger armhole for…”

    Go! I have a book on deconstructing & transforming tee shirts. I’m pulling boxes out of the closet so will give title later. It’s great. You might also be interested in deconstruction/reconstruction projects at the craftster site.

    I don’t go on that site much but a few years ago I stayed up most of the night reading how to lock hair. There’s all kinds of stuff on that site!


  356.  #356Femininewoman on October 8, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    Gena I can’t begin to imagine how the stalker situation must have caused you to feel. That is the kind of thing that causes me to be a bit timid about cdating. However, if we follow our feelings from first contact I believe we will be more keen to these types of guys who might end up doing such things. Also though it is scary it could cause you to be jaded and hang onto a bad situation unnecessarily. You could chose to meet guys at a neutral place and wait a while before giving out your address.

    Regarding the betrayal I wouldn’t explain anything. I would wait until it comes up and just let him know I feel bad about it because it seems I am being put in the same category. Maybe you could tell him that you are committed to your happiness and want to build a strong solid relationship with a man who wants to be with you and that betrayal is not part of that equation for you because you intend to be honest and open.

  357.  #357LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 7:43 pm


    Hi Gena,

    For me cd’ing has been all about noticing how I am with people, myself, my family, colleagues and men. I have been practicing Feeling Messages on anyone, including myself. Doing what I FEEL like doing to make ME FEEL good.
    For me, it was all about practicing just being, leaning back, not controlling, receiving…from anyone I was interacting with, even with myself.
    This changes your whole vibe and attracts different reactions from people around you. When you practice all of Rori’s tools, you start noticing people changing the way they react to you, and your confidence grows.

  358.  #358LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 7:56 pm


    I don’t think of cd’ing in a romantic way, cd’ing for romance and feeling attractive to men just doesn’t inspire. The reason is that I never had a problem attracting men.
    I think of myself as a plain jane, ordinary. But I have been blessed with gorgeous lips, born with great muscle tone, a good metabolism.
    I attract men’s attention well enough to have to beat them off with a stick. I have the same issue you do…KEEPING them around and interested.
    I have a feeling that I will get that when I find it in myself.
    I’m just saying, open your horizons to cd’ing. In the Reconnect your Relationship program, Rori also says to cd yourself. I cd my female colleagues by stopping the controlling, leaning back and opening up to receive what they have to give….and I am very heterosexual. I cd married male colleague by stopping the controlling and letting him be and giving so I can learn how to receive.
    It’s done wonders for me! I’ve learned to just be confortable being and not exaust myself over people. They step up for me, bc they feel free to do so without me suffocating them by controlling them. I’m sure that makes them feel safer and more confortable around me…All this gives me practice for when I am with my man of the moment.

  359.  #359LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    So far, my cd’ing has been all platonic with no intentions of anything romantic whatsoever, but it gave me amazing learning experiences to help me evolve and grow, and great practice for my date today.

  360.  #360LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    Btw, my date today.

    Notice I have demoted it from relationship to dating, I have demoted him from bf to a cd. Not to degrade him, but to be unattached to the outcome. That’s makes me feel free and no longer feeling trapped. Makes me feel free to consider all my other options. Of course, I didn’t tell him straight out that I demoted him. I told him in a FM, by saying that I didn’t feel connected and I don’t want a relationship where I don’t feel connected, I want a real relationship. I just forgot to ask him how he feels, what he thinks…baby steps.

  361.  #361Gena on October 8, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    Being unattached to the outcome sounds good…but harder to do if you develop feelings for someone.

  362.  #362Gena on October 8, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    I”m still confused on WHEN a person should talk to someone that calls you back immediately but doesn’t initiate anything. It all started with the phone contact number realization. It is really bothering me that I am being treated unfairly. Would it work to talk about how I feel about this??

  363.  #363Starla on October 8, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    “the thoughts coming up are like… ‘oh he won’t feel motivated to ask you out’ or ‘he’ll judge you’”

    this is worrying about what he’ll think or do.

    i don’t kiss unless he’s made a gesture to spend time with me in a courtship context. and that’s MY rule for a reason. I don’t care how he likes it. He will get to kiss me when i’m comfortable. And it’ll be so much more enjoyable for him if i’m actually comfortable.

  364.  #364Femininewoman on October 8, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    Gena our beliefs can sabotage us so I choose to believe nothing is hard. It is all effortless.

  365.  #365Femininewoman on October 8, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    RE 363 I like that Starla. Allowing everybody to just kiss seems like being too available and easy to me.

  366.  #366Femininewoman on October 8, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    Gena I believe as in “it would make me happy to receive a daily text or call to experience that my man is thinking about me” or something like that. Being treated unfairly comes across as blamey and like the victim pointing finger at the culprit. I would just express my preference, what I want.

  367.  #367LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Btw, my date today…went great.

    I took it as a simple date with no strings attached, not attached to the outcome. Was focusing on just being.

    He picked me up when he said he would. He was cold w me, but I chalked it up to him being cautious bc of my boundary that had been holding up for a month…and bc he was trying something new: Planning time w me. I was getting that he was stepping back to see if I would notice and say something about that change in his behaviour.
    I was a bit suprised that he actually planned time to be w me and showed up on time. I didn’t say anything about it at that moment. But as he was leaving, I said that it felt good that he had reserved half of his afternoon and the whole evening to be w me. I said that it made me feel important and desired. He replied that my warmth felt good.

  368.  #368lm on October 8, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    hey ladies,

    i’m feeling curious about the love scripts for dating program…has anyone tried it yet??

  369.  #369LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    I used to complain and gripe about him wanting to drive around in his sports car w the top down. It made my hair feel messy.
    Today, I didn’t care about my hair. It actually felt good to shake the cobwebs out of them after feeling secluded and closterphobic from being bedridden with a cold. I told him that I felt good having my hair in the wind today after being cooped up w the cold for a whole month. He said I was sucking up 🙁 But I was really being honest.

    He needed to go shopping for jeans and I went along. He asked for my help and I gladly did, bc for once he asked! He used to assume I should voluntarily bend over backwards helping him without him asking. He was disappointed for a while bc I never did. He saw I was giving to my friends but not to him…that’s bc my friends would ASK for my help. When he shared that anger and disappointment w me, I started to overfunction to ensure he got all the help he expected from me so he wouldn’t never be disappointed again.
    That made me feel drained, nervous and tense. Then he said he felt like I was trying to win him over and that I wasn’t being the real me and it turned him off.
    We had this discussion a couple of weeks ago when I finally said: It would FEEL good to me if you asked for help, instead of me having to overfunction to make sure you got all the help you expect from me. So today he asked for my help to go get other sizes up the stairs…STEPPIN UP he is the guy.
    He stepped out of the fitting room and asked my opinion. Me being all about feeling now, I asked him “How do you feel in them?”
    He said he felt comfortable. I said Well you can feel sexy too cause you have a killer butt in those. I’ll bet he’ll wear them for me next time he sees me 🙂

  370.  #370Senior Lady Vibe on October 8, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    @353: Gena says:
    “…Senior lady Vibe,
    I am a Naturopathic Dr….”

    Thanks for your reponse. I don’t know much about alternative medicine but you will find many sirens who are interested. There are many things to explore.



  371.  #371LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 9:13 pm


    I did have huge feelings for this guy. You can get unattached to the outcome when you get attached to yourself more and get those feelings towards yourelf more…open yourself up to your other options whatever they may be.
    The other night, my other option was getting to sleep early…when he wanted to see me too late. That forced him to make plans to see me, which made me feel respected and important enough to make plans for.
    I used to love him more than I loved myself, therefore neglected myself. Now I love myself more than I love him, so I put myself 1st.
    That’s what Rori’s programs are all about, loving yourself 1st so you are able to receive love from someone else.

  372.  #372LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 9:23 pm


    I did the Love Scripts. I would suggest to start with Modern Siren or Reconnect to your Heart before doing Love Scripts, if you haven’t already.
    The other 2 teach you how to connect to yourself and your feelings. You need to be able to do that to communicate those feelings in Love Scripts.
    I started w Love Scripts and was disappointed bc I didn’t know how to get in touch w my feelings before I communicated them. I was trying to communicate about something I didn’t even know about.
    Now that I am starting to be able to connect to my feelings, I’m finally getting how to do Love Scripts.
    So if you’ve learned how to connect to your deep feelings, then by all means go for Love Scripts! They work! Once you’ve practiced them and see results, you gain so much confidence in yourself.

  373.  #373LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 9:41 pm


    I was at my friends wedding where I was asked to speak. A thing that I said was : She could be po’d at you and telling you off and you still feel loved at that moment.
    Then I thought about it and realized that when she’s angry, she always speak in the way we learn in Love Scripts. Her new husband told me I was right about her. No matter how angry she is at someone, they don’t feel attacked by her, they still feel loved even as she is expressing her anger towards them.

  374.  #374LILI 41 on October 8, 2011 at 9:42 pm


    and people shower her with love.

  375.  #375AmazingMe on October 8, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    @371 AMEN to that Lili same with me, amazingness is what it is 🙂

  376.  #376Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 12:58 am

    345 SLV you are a model??? Wowza!

  377.  #377Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 1:00 am

    SLV why do you say that the number of men available to you is numerically smaller?? I’m just curious.

    I don’t know if you were referring to age…but I have opened up my options and now I don’t care about age as much as I did before, now that I am 46. 😀

  378.  #378Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 1:05 am

    Sirens I feel kinda icky…I was talking to my sister about the masucline / fem concepts and she didn’t really get what I was talking about. She said I was being too black and white and I was trying to explain to her about not ending up with a guy who will let a woman do all the rowing, etc…she didn’t really get what I was saying.
    She said it was “weird” when I referred to Recycled and I was trying to explain our relationship or lack thereof…that he is not my boyfriend, I don’t do the boyfriend thing anymore….I was trying to explain that I’m just growing and learning…and how I experiment how I talk/relate to him and I’m practicing being more feminine…she didn’t know what I was talking about.
    I felt bad after talking to her like she is judging me. It’s ok I love me. 🙂

  379.  #379Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 1:06 am

    Wow I just noticed how many times I said “explain” in that paragraph…haha that is a form of control Emerson….blech…I did want to explain to her though!!!!
    Perhaps I explain too much???????????????????????????

  380.  #380Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 1:13 am

    I’m also trying to get away from focusing on the man’s feelings and focus on me and my own feelings…and STOP the codependent tendencies that I have. I like the way Rori clarifies about real men versus boys in this repost I saw in one of the past threads from FW:


    Sharing how you feel takes the spotlight off of the man. And that’s what a REAL man wants.
    Real men do not like the spotlight in a relationship.
    “Little Boy” men do.
    “Little Boys” like their feelings considered first and always.
    They want to know what YOU can do for THEM, and have no interest in doing for you any more than they have to keep you around.
    Often, a man’s “Little Boy” “issues” disappear when we start expressing our real selves.
    When we become even MORE vulnerable around him.
    If you’re with a man, like Vanessa’s, who talks about his own feelings a lot and always seems to want you to come to him, you can turn the Energy Exchange around by saying how YOU FEEL even more!
    You can stop coddling his feelings by asking him what he thinks, instead.
    A real man doesn’t want to be coddled.
    A real man wants to be a Prince or a King to your Princess. He doesn’t want to be the frog you have to kiss to life – he wants to put the crown on YOUR head!
    So next time you’re tempted to get “sucked in” by all a man’s stories around why he “can’t commit” or “be in a relationship,” don’t believe him.
    He may or may not be lying on purpose, but he’s for sure lying to himself.
    And you can walk the Rori Raye Bridge to the relationship you want by NOT allowing ANY man to pull you off course. You can do this!
    All it takes is to realize that you have choices and options, and that men everywhere want you.
    Even if you’ve never believed it before, believe and act like you are very expensive, highly prized, and possessed of inner strength and outer softness.
    A good, real man will recognize that right off and fight for you. It’s true!
    Let him.
    Love, Rori

  381.  #381alias girl on October 9, 2011 at 2:20 am

    i have to tell him. oh my bad.

    i am actually MUCH older than you. f*ck a duck. i hardly ever
    practically never
    so close to never

    meet men from online i didnt give too cares about my lied age.

    f*ck a duck. i care tonight after the emails and long phone call. f*ck mucho ducks.

    dang. i think i might feel better to tell him before we meet. dang. doesnt mean anything to me.

    i did tell him tonight i dont want kids. annnnddddd…

    pause pause pause….. nothing.

  382.  #382alias girl on October 9, 2011 at 2:24 am

    352 lucy i agree. i tried it and it was

    well it was what it was

    and now i follow my feelings on that as well.

    but yes i am glad i did it. and now i feel much more open to kissing all different sorts of men.

  383.  #383alias girl on October 9, 2011 at 2:29 am

    363 starla interesting. and i respect that.

    i actually dont have that kind of rule. i kissed a guy outside a store i met him in once. i knew i was never going to see him again. but i liked kissing him.

    i would do that again.

    it wasnt GREAT (i mean, obviously, or i would have seen him again just for the kisses!)

    but it was fun in the moment.

    but the poor guy who bought me dinner the other night didnt get a kiss.

  384.  #384Daria on October 9, 2011 at 3:22 am

    i don’t feel like im easy and to available when i let men kiss me

    i feel frowny and worried hearing about that though and about other people’s different take on it

    i feel like im being judged, i feel judgemental

    like oh what must be wrong with me that i have such a different take on this.

    i actually don’t think anything’s wrong with me

    i actually think something is wrong with Them, like they have fears and beliefs that are attacking them.

    and i feel frustrated and ashamed to be thinking that

    i don’t want to feel judgemental!


    im now wondering about it, i mean it sounds like lots of people are trying to kiss these women outside of a dating context and …

    that hasn’t been my experience, im trying to think of when that has happened to me, and it doesn’t happen to me very much i don’t think

    even dating guys – well i actually – i feel ashamed to say – sometimes have the issue that i pick guys that don’t kiss much

    and that feels bad

    maybe if guys were constantly trying to kiss me all over the place i would feel more comfortable dating a man first too

    i dono

    i feel glad i feel relieved though of my fear of being too easy and available sexually

    i finally got that it wasn’t about that, that doesn’t stop or create attraction

    and that felt empowering

    and i feel scared reading other perceptions

    and i feel scared talking about it

    i feel scared of the backlash of making someone wrong

    grrr i dont want to make people wrong

    well i dont want to feel unsafe and distant after


    and reading about it that its a rule feels bad and i feel misunderstood and angry

    and sad and upset

    im not in charge of anyone else

    i am in charge of me

    and i will persevere with this cuz it feels good to me, it felt like a breakthrough and it still feels thrilling to think about

    and it feels reassuring that it’s a rori suggestion

    it feels amazing how rori is so spot on about this relationship stuff

    so it feels reassuring that i am probably right and the people resisting this are wrong

    and thinking like that feels bad

    i feel like im curled up in a lil ball and feeling all sad

    and its pouring rain and i hear cars and dont hear the kitten any more now

    ive been feeling worried about it since i woke up

    ugh i feel unsafe,

    i dont want to push people away,

    even with sex for me its not like i require x number of dates

    tho i do require oral sex hahahha

    and i require feeling romanced and emotionally safe, so that entails dating

    i have not stuck with this in the past its a new thing

    and i dont see kissing as being the same for me

    shoot i will even let a guy go down on me if i find him attractive when i first meet him


    brain talking talking talking talking

    yay excited to notice brain talking

    brain talking to hide my fear

    i feel scared

    and i feel disappointed to feel that way and frustrated and i love myself and my feelings

    i dont need approval even from my friends

    they can all leave me i am good on my own, definitely

    and that feels sigh

    i love my sigh

    tight in my hip and thigh

    nger i think

    quiet a;oness feeling

    its ok to feel like this

    i love my feeling


    its ok to feel 🙁

    i love my feeling

    oh i get kinda, like, it feels kinda “ruly” to me not kiss men when i just meet them

    like why? what is the purpose of this boundary?

    there is no purpose for me if i feel comfortable kissing men and am not judging myself for it or getting attached to them or anything

    which im not

    maybe other people are

    thats all in their business!!

    if they’re judging themselves they are judging me

    and that feels scary and i feel judgemetnal of them for judging and i don’t want to feel that way

    i feel sleepy

    thanks brain

    i felt the feeilngs of i know those being by myself making myself feel better feelings from when i was a kid and i felt rageful and powerless at being treated unfairly

    feeling sleepy

    i dont want to write anymore

    i want to run!

    i can do something

    but i dont have to do anything

    i know everyone will hate me and have a lil less trust for me reading this cuz they will judge me and see im judging them


    and im trusting that even though i dont see it this is healing for being vulnerable

    like showing anger cuz then the other person feels safe that youw ill accept their anger kinda thing

    lots of brainwork here

    sleepy girl i feel bored!!


  385.  #385Ella on October 9, 2011 at 3:39 am

    Daria regarding the kissing,

    For me personally, for now, I like my no kissing without a date… although it is not set in stone.

    I was finding I was getting too triggered when so many guys were kissing and then not arranging dates with me.

    It was making me feel less than and angry, which was causing me to close off.

    It was also too triggering as sometimes I would end up kissing 2 or 3 guys from the same group of friends in one night, and it just felt bad.

    I don’t feel judgemental anyone else for having a different way of doing it 🙂

    So for now I have the no date, no kissing boundary.

    Oh and also I am not saying that the kissing stopped them from making dates… however what was happeing is I was feelig triggered and insecure if we were kissing and then they didn’ plan a date, whereas if there was no kissing then I don’t feel triggered if there is no date.

    Having said this I actually feel good now that I let J’s freind kiss me, just because i felt fun and he is hot!

  386.  #386Ella on October 9, 2011 at 3:54 am

    Oww, for me I don’t believe that allowing men to kiss me makes me easy and available. Well that is a judgemental kind of thought that pops up for me sometimes however I think I have worked through that cus I look at women who can do this because they are Rockstar, and it doesn’t follow that they are easy.

    For me the kissing thing is about my limits, how open I can be and how triggered I can allow myself to get.

    And for the moment, I prefer to wait for a date.

    This could change again at some point in the future, however for now it feels good.

  387.  #387MiRi on October 9, 2011 at 6:21 am

    I’ve just read this post on a man’s blog and how he sees a real love going on, he wrote the post for women who are looking for love instead of just waiting it to find you, just like Rori says in her tools.

    “Wait for the man who pursues you, the one who knows how to step up without you having to ask, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of man who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the man who not only speaks the truth, but follows his words with actions. Wait for the man who will be your best friend and your lover, the one who will drop everything to be there for you no matter what it is. Wait for the man who makes you smile like no one can and when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the man who thinks you’re beautiful even in sweatpants and no makeup, but most of all wait for the man who will put you at the center of his universe, ’cause thats where you belong…”

  388.  #388LILI 41 on October 9, 2011 at 6:39 am


    I feel the same way you do about boundaries.
    “how open I can be and how triggered I can allow myself to get” – That resonates with me.

    My boundary was no sx and no staying overnight w/o a real comitted relationship. I wanted him to be a gentleman and treat me like a respectable honourable lady.
    He has treated me that way since the middle of last week. He did not gripe about me refusing him coming over bc it was too late. He called me at the last minute again at 8pm to come over and I wanted to get to bed by 9. He would have ended up staying overnight and that did not feel good bc he called me at the last minute again. He had planned to spend that evening w his young son, to keep him overnight. He missed me, so at the last minute he was going to bring his son back to his mom to come see me.

    So, he now knows after a month of me no longer allowing the last minute sx and sleeping over, he had to be an honourable gentleman w me to be w me in the way he wants.

    He stepped up by planning his day off and reserving some time w his son to take him out to bkfast… to make sure he would have time for me. He was a real respectful gentleman, which means his groping me around was replaced w kind honourable affection. I melted.

    The main thing for me was that I felt respected and honoured, I did not feel like a bootycall. I ended up having sx eventhough I still don’t know if we will be having a real comitted relationship. I feel OK about it this morning bc I am not attached to the outcome, and I don’t feel myself becoming all needy and clingy bc of having sx w him.

    He had to leave afterwards to go home and prepare his lunch for work the next day, he started work at 5am this morning. I had food to prepare supper, but I let him decide to go and sit quiet w me at the restaurant instead, and I let him pay for me and said thank you. I let him feel like a man.
    Before, I would have insisted on cooking him a good meal so he could bring leftovers for his worklunch the next day…like a good controlling overfunctioning nurturing mother. I would have felt like he owed me (he would probably too), and I would feel all clingy and needy today bc of him owing me and he would feel bad and guilty.
    Since I did not do the overfunctiong thing and he treated me well, I don’t feel like he owes me this morning, and whatever he does today I’ll be fine w it.

    Today I feel fine w being flexible w the boundary, one day at a time, I’ll see how I feel down the line…Baby steps.

    Today, I will cook that homecooked meal for ME to cd MYSELF bc that feels good for ME. He will be getting off work for suppertime. I will not be texting him to offer him supper like I used to. Instead: If he calls me to ask what I’m up to, I will then offer it to him. But I will not throw myself at him and be overfunctioning by calling him 1st to offer it.


  389.  #389Daria on October 9, 2011 at 7:45 am

    “When you have the challenge of speaking to a man about something you’re torn about, or that’s emotionally loaded, or you have to make a decision, like Hannah – don’t worry about the outcome.

    The outcome isn’t under your control.

    Just focus your energy on FEELING what it is that’s the TRUTH for YOU about this.

    Even if there are MANY Truths – just write them all down.

    Then feel your way through each option, and see if you can FEEL which one is the MOST true for you at the moment, the one that most sings in your heart, where you can feel your body RELAX and breathe. (That’s often the clearest sign we can get that we’ve hit on the truth for us for the moment – we FEEL released inside.)

    And practice, moment by moment, saying the Truth, DOING what feels Truthful, and letting the outcome work out by itself.”

  390.  #390Daria on October 9, 2011 at 8:00 am

    Ella – oh i just imagined being at a party and lots of men trying to kiss me throughout the night.
    i might not really feel comfortable letting them kiss me in that situation !

    im pretty sure i would dodge it, well i dono

    if i felt all paid attention to and intimate maybe i would let it happen

    and i would also feel triggered i bet if it was a bunch of guys kissing me

    i would champion myself and it would still feel triggering to me a bit i guess

    that’s not really happening so much to me recently so its a non issue for me at the moment

    im still feeling triggered and practicing with even flirting with multiple guys in the room

    i know i said i am all for dating friends and in a way yes it does feel good

    but sometimes when im at the club and i have been talking to a guy i feel uncomfortable to talk to others, especially if the guy is my date

    but sometimes even if the guy just bought me a drink

    i am practicing with opening that up

    thanks for sharing i got a chance to look at that for me and remember that practice work

    i really want to be able to be out with a guy and flirt with others…

    i feel panicked he’ll leave me there actually

    and that will feel humiliating or bad AND it would be difficult for me to get home

    i want to heal this and feel comfortable getting home no matter what

  391.  #391LILI 41 on October 9, 2011 at 8:14 am


    Daria, I feel so comforted by your post.

    While reading it, I feel like I’m sitting on a cushy soft cloud like my body being hugged softly all over…being supported softly and gently.

  392.  #392LILI 41 on October 9, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Cd’ing myself today to practice getting in touch w my feelings looks like this:

    Just finished unstuffing my bedroom closet and dresser drawers:
    I took out clothes that I was hanging onto for practical reasons.
    I looked at myself in the miror w them on me. Instead of focusing on the colour, the shape and the fit…I focused on how they made me feel.
    I stashed away in a bag whatever did not make feel confortable and did not make me feel beautiful and sexy.
    I threw away things that made me feel childish, I kept things that made me feel soffisticated. I threw away things that made me feel drab, and kept things that made me feel lively. I threw away things that made me feel closed off and shut down, and kept things that made me feel sexy.

    I will bring the bag to church today to give to the needy.

  393.  #393Lyka on October 9, 2011 at 9:09 am

    AG – #191:

    OMG, thanks so much, AG, I’ve been looking for this song for a while now, even though I don’t know why I enjoy it so much…I’m soooo not into pop.

  394.  #394Daria on October 9, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Lili – its quoted from Rori’s e-letter !

    i felt inspired

  395.  #395Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 10:12 am

    @377: Emerson says:
    “…SLV why do you say that the number of men available to you is numerically smaller?? I’m just curious…”

    I was referring to the number of men in the pool available to me. I’ve seen several sets of statistics of online dating site statistics.

    Whether or not we are “open” to men or how we care about age does not change the numbers in our own particular pool of men.

    .…but I have opened up my options and now I don’t care about age as much as I did before, now that I am 46.

    This will not change the number of men in the pool available to a woman but it might change the number of men accepted from that pool.

    Someone referred to it as the “candy store” perception of online dating sites: that all men on the site are available to everyone else registered on the site. And the corollary that all men want the same kinds of relationships that we do.

    One could waste a lot of time operating on those concepts. I know, I know someone will come along on the blog and say that all men are available to them at all times and for all things. This is not true for most people although more true for some than others.

    Number of men available to me comes first and here I use my own knowledge and experience as well as current statistics. My choice of those men would be second.


  396.  #396Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 10:16 am

    @376: Emerson says:
    “…SLV you are a model??? Wowza!..”

    I am a model citizen and I hope a role model to a few others. And I model myself as a child of the Universe.

    hmmm, some other stuff too… hee hee 😉



  397.  #397Lyka on October 9, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Saying hello in a proper way – Hello Sirens! 🙂

    I had a great weekend with my sweetie, I’m kind of tired and sore from helping him get all his firewood inside the basement yesterday, though. But we took our time, took lots of breaks, talked and kissed while sitting on the grass. The weather is so nice here, I think it’s Indian Summer. It’s 20C in the shade, so I guess maybe 24-26 in the sun? Anyway, it feels nice after all the crappy weather we had last week. So we had breakfast together again this morning and he drove me home and left to see his father before going back to New Brunswick. This is the last time he’s driving back there before returning here for the rest of the winter season. I can’t wait to spend more time with him and to finally get to see him relax a bit. Poor sweetie works too hard.

    And I bought some cute little booties to wear with my jeans yesterday, I needed new ones and they were quite affordable. I like them, they’re comfortable.

  398.  #398Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 10:20 am

    @378: Emerson

    We are all different and see how ourselves differently.

    I’m curious though, how would you “feel” or think if she started “explaining” things to you about how to have a relationship?



  399.  #399Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 10:23 am

    @387: MiRi

    I like that. It sounds like my “Sweetie.” Yum! 😀


  400.  #400Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 10:31 am

    It’s semi-official. I’m celebrating “Sweetie Babe’s” birthday on Halloween. That seems right, imagery and imagination, costumes and disguises, things that aren’t really there and spirits flying about.

    I want to make scarf for him. If it comes out OK, maybe I’ll post a pic.


  401.  #401Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 10:36 am

    @392: LILI 41

    Yay! Fabulous. And a good reason to buy a few delightful new things!

    I’m doing something similar. I’m going to a clothing swap next month so I’m pulling out things to take. The ones so far are things I’ve never worn!



  402.  #402VW on October 9, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Good Morning my Dahlings Sirens,

    I feel happy to read many of you are doing awesomely well…I had a fantastic week as well…i feel like i am dreaming…:) I feel all happy, surprised…experiencing being present and Sireny each and every moment 🙂

    Hope to get caught up with u all later today:)

    warm hugs,

  403.  #403Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 10:56 am

    AM444 – 神经末梢 (Shen Jing Mo Shao)

    神经末梢 (Shen Jing Mo Shao)

    Xian shi ben lai jiu mei na me fu za
    Shi yin wei ni
    Yin wei ni hai pa
    Ba shi shi kua da

    Dian shi ben lai jiu mei shen me ke pa
    Shi yin wei ni
    Shi yin wei ni hai pa
    You yi tian hui li bu kai ta

    欲望像一个 人造的气泡
    Yu wang xiang yi ge ren zao de qi pao
    Zai shen ti li
    Zai shen ti li tao cuan
    Xiang yao zhao dao tong ban

    Mo shao a mo shao
    Shen jing mo shao zai lian shang luan tiao
    Zai kong qi li
    You rang ren dian kuang de wei dao

    Zhe shi zhong guan xi
    Xiang dui fang bi jin
    Bu liu ren he feng xi
    Zhi dao ting zhi hu xi

    Zhe shi can ren de guan xi
    Xiang yao bu liu ren he yu di
    Hu lve yi qie bei xi
    Shang yan yi chang nao ju

    “..the reality is not that complicated,
    you think too much thats why you feel scared of it. compare the reality, the TV might scare you more,
    sit in front of it,you can’t live without it anymore.
    the desire just like a air bubble running around your veins,
    try to find company,
    you can feel the nerves ending are jumping on your face,
    something is going to change ,you can even smell the madness in the air.
    we’re always in a ferocious relationship,
    someone try to push it till they have no space to even just breath,
    what a farce!

    something like that. hard to translate…”


  404.  #404Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 11:03 am

    398 SLV
    Yes that would feel bad probably. 🙁
    I was not intending to tell her how to have a relationship…I was just telling her about my own experience…but I shold have just kept it to myself. It’s my baggage mostly because I worry about being judged by her. 🙁 I felt judged/disapproved of/not good enough while growing up. I finally let go of trying to ‘impress’ her or anyone else in my family a few years ago…but now and then…I feel it come back. I would like to heal this….
    thank you…

  405.  #405Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 11:07 am

    395 @SLV
    Do you calculate the number of ava. men on the sites by searching for those who are searching for a person like you? I’m curious.

    I feel that my pool is a bit small too….

    I don’t think that I’m soo picky but when I do searches I only end up with a few result. Not pages and pages. I prefer a man with no kids and that’s hard to find. And one with no criminal record or use of drugs. 🙂 I know, pikcy picky…;-)

    I am going to choose to remain confident that there is a man out there for me that will love me and help me and I will be attracted to him! I don’t want to be alone and I don’t have to be!

  406.  #406Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 11:08 am

    this went into moderation so I am reposting without the word dr$gs

    395 @SLV
    Do you calculate the number of ava. men on the sites by searching for those who are searching for a person like you? I’m curious.

    I feel that my pool is a bit small too….

    I don’t think that I’m soo picky but when I do searches I only end up with a few result. Not pages and pages. I prefer a man with no kids and that’s hard to find. And one with no criminal record or use of dr%gs. I know, pikcy picky…;-)

    I am going to choose to remain confident that there is a man out there for me that will love me and help me and I will be attracted to him! I don’t want to be alone and I don’t have to be!

  407.  #407Ella on October 9, 2011 at 11:11 am



    Re 395, isn’t being a Siren all about blowing away statistics and facts with our fabulousness?


  408.  #408Ella on October 9, 2011 at 11:13 am

    … Just curious


    The statistics and pool of men belief feels a little limiting to me.

    I choose to believe I have an endless and huge pool of men available to me, more as my vibe gets better and better.

    I love limitless thinking, LOA and mirical thinking.

  409.  #409Lucy on October 9, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Hi SLV. 🙂

  410.  #410Lucy on October 9, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Does anyone remember that thing Siena used to say… something like “instead of fear, go to wonder”….? Do any of you know where that is from? I tried to google it, but came up with nothing. I thought it was from some teacher or something…. Thanks for any info. <3

  411.  #411Ella on October 9, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Thank you Ella for ironing those clothes today to earn us money.


  412.  #412Ella on October 9, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Hmmm I get confused between the ‘real’ Sweeties on here and the ones who are a part of us…


  413.  #413Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 11:24 am

    @406: Ella says:
    Re 395, isn’t being a Siren all about blowing away statistics and facts with our fabulousness?

    Usually no, not for me. But I do use facts to help me. I love working with the possibilities. It adds to the fabulousness. And the fun. And it helps to know whether to pack a swim suit or a parka…


  414.  #414Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Hi, Lucy.

    I lost my post…. 😳


  415.  #415Lucy on October 9, 2011 at 11:29 am

    What post did you lose, SLV?

  416.  #416Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 11:31 am

    413 SLV
    Swimsuit or a parka….. I like it 🙂

    Well I think I’m somewhere in between…I want to believe in defying the odds and I’m also aware of the facts…that at my age there are certain things I may encounter when dating.

    Today I’m feeling very back and forth about it. I want to feel optimistic but the NVs are telling me I won’t find what I want. No no no…I will not listen.

    I also know that the men online is just a small snapshot of the men that are out there…
    I choose to see the huge possibilities…at least for this moment..

  417.  #417Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 11:37 am

    LOA…interesting you bring it up Ella.

    I noticed my attraction to Recycled has shifted. I still care about him and all that…but I don’t have this intese attraction at the moment…

    I feel curious about this.

    I’ve been working on me and focused on me….and just so happens, he’s going through a rough time right now. He’s very intense at the moment (I can be intense too, hmm) and preoccupied with some heavy duty family stuff.

    I’m feeling turned off and even repelled. I feel kinda sad about this feeling.

    I hope this does not mean I am insensitive. I just dont have the energy to give him any comfort…it’s not my job. It’s not my baggage.

    I can be kind and supportive but not going to coddle/lean forward/mommy him.

    Hmm I am only wanting to be attracted to people who can help me…that sounds selfish and opportunistic, but I mean it in an authentic way because if they are helping me, I’m going to help them in return. i.e., I don’t want to be with a blood sucker.

  418.  #418Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Lucy 410 I don’t know but I would be interested in reading that quote….
    I struggle with fear/anxiety about the future.

    The economic crisis really took a toll on me and my finances. It has taken me a while to realize I’m still empowered,,,but I feel frightened.

  419.  #419Lucy on October 9, 2011 at 11:48 am

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings, Emerson. Hugs for you and your fear. (((Emerson))) I will let you know if I find any more info on this. I am struggling with some anxiety about an issue right now. <3

  420.  #420Femininewoman on October 9, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Re 409 Lucy that sounds to me like a Gay Hendricks type of thinking.

  421.  #421Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Hi Emerson, I hope you aren’t getting two versions. The other post… disappeared.

    I didn’t intend any harshness but I thought the other woman might have received your explanation that way. Sharing is a good thing. Continue sharing!

    @405: Emerson says:
    “… Do you calculate the number of ava. men on the sites by searching for those who are searching for a person like you? I’m curious. ..”

    Mainly by ballpark rounding off figures, how many responses normally are received by women in my demographic according to race and age. Most of the dating sites keep statistics. I’ve done some research and reading. I can winnow further, as you suggested by sampling profiles.

    Of course, for the determined among us, such as me, that just makes things more interesting… And I
    think I’ll learn more and do better by NOT having a huge flood of guys. I could use SOME though…

    “I feel that my pool is a bit small too…
    I don’t think that I’m soo picky but when I do searches I only end up with a few result…”

    The available men pool isn’t based on searches. That is the SECOND cut. The men available to are first, (a) the men that initiate and only (b) men that respond if you use the alternate online method. Either way, the man is the true initiator. Mostly it’s men who are initially attracted to a woman.

    After the contact commences, we choose from those initiating… unless the guy bounces or poofs that is… LOL

    “Not pages and pages. I prefer a man with no kids and that’s hard to find. And one with no criminal record or use of dr%gs. I know, pikcy picky…;) …”

    A preference for a man doesn’t mean he is available for us. And there may be men in the pool available to us who don’t fit our requirements. Our requirements reduce the number further. But to be in the pool in the first place the men must be attracted enough to respond or would respond.

    “…I am going to choose to remain confident that there is a man out there for me that will love me and help me and I will be attracted to him!..”

    I think so too! 😀
    And gee, we each only need one man after all. But a few others along the way wouldn’t hurt…


  422.  #422Esteemed on October 9, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Hi Lucy!

    Good to see you back on the blog! Go to wonder is from Rori I think.

  423.  #423Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    @407: Ella says:
    “…The statistics and pool of men belief feels a little limiting to me.
    I choose to believe I have an endless and huge pool of men available to me, more as my vibe gets better and better. …”

    Practically speaking, you specifically might have a larger pool of men available to you than some other women… at least for the early dates. Whether or not beliefs are limiting won’t change this so much. Perhaps it’s what we do with what we’ve got that counts the most.

    Men are initally attracted to us… or not… But vibe and dating style might determine the kind of men encouraged and accepted and the men that wish to go forward.

    It’s fun, isn’t it?



  424.  #424Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Is it too mommyish and leaning forward to wish Recycled a good day today? Yesterday was rough. Fine between him and I, but a little tense due to the stuff going on. Is that too mommying? Sometimes I just feel like being nice and showing my love/support. What do you think/feel about this sirens???

  425.  #425Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    @410: Ella

    There’s a real art to ironing. I haven’t ironed in so long…. I don’t even have an iron anymore. Or maybe I do… somewhere. I intend to search it out of the closets or buy a new one soon. I’ll be ironing and steam pressing too!



  426.  #426Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    @411: Ella says:
    “…Hmmm I get confused between the ‘real’ Sweeties on here and the ones who are a part of us… ”

    Yep, a week or so ago I was crossing the street and feeling the wonderful, wonderful autumn weather. I sighed and a little murmur came out… “I can’t wait for the real “Sweetie”… to show up…”

    I think I heard a voice say .. “I *AM* the “real Sweetie.” OK, he thinks he is… maybe he is… LOL LOL

    I’ll love the Sweetie I have at the moment. He actually gives me good thoughts and advice. So I’ll not complain too much.



  427.  #427Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    @415: Emerson says:
    “…there are certain things I may encounter when dating…”

    Understanding the world of dating can be helpful! I don’t believe every man I see must fall at my feet in order for my Sweetie to find me. I think if that was the case it might be a distraction.

    I choose to see the huge possibilities…at least for this moment…

    Yes! There are huge possibilities. I love “the possibilities.”


  428.  #428Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    I posted a reply to Emerson and hit the wrong button. I reposted but I ended up making it way longer…. LOL


  429.  #429Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    Leaning forward is neutral for me. Neither good nor bad. It’s why and when that causes problems.

    But if a woman is off balance or inexperienced, she could make some personal rules or guidelines so she doesn’t fall on her head when leaning forward.


  430.  #430Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Power to Emerson …


  431.  #431Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    thanks SLV

  432.  #432Ella on October 9, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    SLV re 422,

    Do you mean specifically from dating websites where people put in a criteria of what they want in a partner?

    In which case I could see completely why people would have a specific number of men available to them.

    However in the real world I believe vibe is everything. So if our vibe is good men will be attracted to us who wouldn’t normally.

    And also, if what Rori says is true and men can ‘feel’ our vibe, then that would have an effect on how many are available to us as well, even without them being physically present.

    Also LOA would say that we can change what is available to us by changing ourselves… our energy.

    Do you believe in this stuff?

    Just curious.


  433.  #433alias girl on October 9, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    i’ve decided not to tell any of these guys my age. scr*w it. what does it matter? not even if we meet. i’m not going to mention it.

  434.  #434Ella on October 9, 2011 at 1:34 pm


    Also the bit about me having more men available to me feels ok, however the bit which says ‘at least for the early dates’ that feels bad.


    To me it sounds like once they get to know me beyond feeling physically attracted they will not find me attractive.

    Not sure if this is my own trigger based on NVs I have been having recently or how you percive me?

    Either way feels a bit triggery.

    Makes me feel afraid that in practicing some of the more radical Rori stuff and just being me I am somehow turning men off.

  435.  #435Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    I’m so not motivated right now to meet any new CDs. I don’t know what is going to happen with Recycled and I. I wish we would end up together.

    But I don’t know. I also don’t have any other CDs,,,the young guy poofed but he was kinds of turning me off anyway. Too young and it showed….good luck to him.

    I’m feeling triggered by looking at my debts and my financial situation this weekend. It feels bleak. I feel scared. I need help from a partner. I feel worried about doing it alone. 🙁

    I don’t want to have a “desperate” vibe…so I need to pull this together somehow.

  436.  #436Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Ella I feel inspired to think about changing our vibe and that LOA will open up doors we hadn’t seen before…

  437.  #437Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    433 AG I know what you mean about the age thing.
    I feel that when men meet me and know my age off the bat they start making commentary about the fact that I have no kids, etc etc….blah blah and sizing me up so to speak. I want to be seen for just me as I am…and I like that better. People usually think I’m younger. 🙂

    I feel like crying right now. I don’t know exactly why.

  438.  #438alias girl on October 9, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    436 emerson. i love your crying. i love your present hopeless frame of mind. i love all parts of siren emerson. all all all. what a joy to feel such a diversity of emotions. to know that the good parts of recycled is what i want in a relationship. thank you for showing me that. and that taking a break from cding is ok. i can just flirt and do the five second look. and concentrate on pampering myself. and chilling out. if i want to go for a walk, i will. if i want to stay in my pjs i will. if i want to make a cup of tea i will. if i want to drop to my knees i will.

    this moment is exquisite. and if i can stay with my feelings of right now. and make things just a little fuzzy in my focus. maybe a little fuzziness around recycled cd. i dont need to think so speciifcally about him in this moment. nor do i need to think so specifically about what is not working in my life. i can just

    brush my skin or something.

    or just chill out

    or touch the wall

    and say thank you

    find a tree and touch it and say thnak you

    or caress my own soft sireny skin and say thank you

    and just easily easily

    be with myself.

  439.  #439Daria on October 9, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    quote of Ira Glass with end tweaked by me ““Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of [practicing]”


    this feels so inspiring to me!

    i get it i get it!

  440.  #440Ella on October 9, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Emerson re 434

    I know what you mean!

    I don’t want to have a desperate vibe either.

    I know I worry too much about whether guys feel attracted to me. I never used to, more since I have been coming here and learning about men… and attraction and relationships, its a weird double edged sword, cus it is helping me no end and and yet it also means my focus is often on that very thing (whether a guy is attracted) because many of the tools are about this.

    So my focus is kinda of on this by default.

    Better to have my focus on me.

    I am genuinly not caring as much whether guys are attracted or not, as in whether they stay around or not. But I do always want the tools to work.

    Speaking of that CD2 has disappeared!!!

    FFS no contact since Friday.

    I wonder if he is showing me what he does.

    Weird, I have been trying to remember back to past relationships, because in the past they seemed to happen so easily, like I would meet up with the guy, and we would just start seeing each other loads and then end up in a relationship.

    But, they never worked out.

    And the funny thing is I can’t really remember how it happened (except for my last relationship).

    I know I overfunctioned and leaned forward a lot.

    And yet I would still end up in relationships.

    So does it mean that in general it will be the women who do this who get into relationships, whereas men may poof with me (and they do) but that the one who goes the distance will lead to an amazing, fulfilling relationship because I have done it differently and he has pursued me?

    I still feel disappointed when a promising looking one poofs or flakes.

  441.  #441Ella on October 9, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Ok correction actually the tools are about how ‘we’ feel.

    However they are also about attraction and how they make men respond to us.

    I intend not to care if men are attracted anymore, just to have fun and look after me and my feelings.

  442.  #442Ella on October 9, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Emerson re 435

    Good 🙂

  443.  #443Daria on October 9, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Ella – yup i imagine its much like that. a lot of men will be flowing in and out, and only one or a few will stick, and they will be the ones that want to stick it out forever

    and because we’re not leaning forward, we won’t be chasing or trying to trap the ones who don’t want to stick around forever (but who we might keep temporarily for awhile if we were to have chased them)

  444.  #444Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    @433: Ella

    If you have 50 guys attracted all at once, maybe just from a pic, and they’ve never met you, it’s possible you will have some “fall away” after your boundaries, life goals, the kind of relationship you want, kinds of topics come up.

    I don’t think this is a bad thing! The remaining ones will be the “keepers!!!” And you’ll learn more about them, and they about you as time goes on. We don’t want to KEEP the ones that can’t step up and make us happy! I think of these as “not qualified.”

    I would not worry about a lot of guys that cannot go the distance. But dates might make good practice if I didn’t become attached. One little sad bit is sometimes I’ve become attached for a while and things don’t turn out. Awwww, that doesn’t feel too good.

    Perhaps having a larger number of guys to start with might help in that case… but some might just get tired of waiting for a turn if there are very many in line ahead of them.


  445.  #445Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    I just realized my numbers are all off by one when referring to the posts…cuz my earlier post is in moderation. 🙄 sorry
    anyway I think you all figured out what numbers I was referring to.. 🙂

    Alias Girl aww thank you so much for your kind words….yes maybe blurring my view of Recycled is good…I will try it…I know he cares, I’m just wanting more more more…and it’s not materializing. 🙁
    making the view of him more fuzzy fuzzy and out of focus…soft focus…lol…..

    Ella I had the same experiences in the past where reltionships just naturally fell into place. I don’t know what happened, now it seems soo much harder. There were times back then when I leaned forward and times I did not…but either way like you mentioned, poof there I’d be in a relationship!! I get peeved when a potential “good” cd poofs. That’s why I have a hard time with online dating….and taking a break from it atm.

  446.  #446Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    I’m playing Spider Solitaire with two little ones. I guess three people means it’s not “solitaire” anymore…


  447.  #447Starla on October 9, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Going into leanback mode:) Feeling able to make myself happy and that feels like confidence!

  448.  #448Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    @432: Ella says:
    “…Do you mean specifically from dating websites where people put in a criteria of what they want in a partner? …”

    General statistics are from online dating sites where initial contacts data was available. So it’s not criteria listed, which can be misleading, it’s WHO the people actually contacted.

    For instances a profile might indicate a man is open to ages from 40 to 65,,,, LOL but he only initiates with women 35 to 42. Or that he’s open to all races but he only initiates with white Christians.

    To this effect Black woman receive many fewer in number responses from all men, throwing out a number here…. but perhaps 95% fewer of all initial responses from general online dating sites. Women over 45 receive fewer responses from men their own age… etc etc that sort of thing.

    These statistics mostly reflect dating patterns in general populations with some allowances made for the “candy store” effect. Also people online tend to rule out based on info which is available in profiles but which they might not find out until later if they’d met offline. This happens with age, education and location among other “qualifiers.”

    However, number of available men in pool is just a starting point. A thing to be aware of. But if a woman is not affected, then it could be ignored; no reason to be aware of it.


  449.  #449Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    @432: Ella says:
    “….Do you believe in this stuff?
    Just curious….”

    Ohhhh, I believe in lots of things. I’m a firm believer in imagery and using our minds to help us out…

    I use some things and not others. I’m always learning, improving (I hope!) upgrading and creatively adding onto what I think is a pretty good set of stuff… LOL 😆

    Life is short, have fun…

  450.  #450Ella on October 9, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    Thank you Ella for cleaning my room and washing my clothes so that I have clean clothes to wear this week.

    Thank you for planning my work week ahead.

    Thank you for making me some herbal tea and stretching my body.

    Thanks for sending those work e-mails.

    I love you.

  451.  #451Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    @435: Emerson

    You can do it!

    I shouldn’t talk… my DDIL just called me “scaredy cat” when I said “no way!” to some really complicated knitting patterns.

    Note: I still stand by “no way.” 😆


  452.  #452alias girl lol on October 9, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    i am considering another salsa class tomorrow!!!!

    last night was sooooo fun. and i danced with a guy (i really mena kid!) who was a really good leader. i love that!! he said he was a beginner but he seemed too good to be a beginner. anyway was super fun. and a different guy asked me to go have drinkks with him but i didnt want to. but i felt good to be asked!!!

    i have two voicemails that i can not get to on my phone because my phone is zaaaapput. for some reason i cant hear anything….so i guess i need to switch over to a different phone. i wonder if i will lose the voicemails? i dont think so.

    am having a nice time still in my pjs.

    oh! and i found a concert i want to go to!!! i feel SCARED!!!!!!!!! c’mon boy who brags of having brass balls. let’s see some action! let’s get those tickets so goddess alias girl can go!!!

  453.  #453Ella on October 9, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    Emerson re 445

    I am guessing it is because now we are looking for marriage or forever comittment instead of just falling into the first relationship that comes along.

    So we are harder to get. Men can no longer just ‘fall’ into a relationship cus they have to work hard to get us.

    So I suppose that means many men will fall away. Many men will not want to do the hard work and instead will fall into relationships with women who are easier.

    They may not be the kind of relationships we will have though.

    And that means only a few men will pass the test, only a few men (or essentially in the end only one) will step up, do the work to ‘get’ us.

    But these will be men made of better stuff.

    These will be men who can finally offer what we have always hoped for when we have fallen into past relationships that have not worked.

    What do you think?


  454.  #454Lucy on October 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Hi Esteemed. Thanks for the welcome.

    FW, thank you – it was the Hendricks.

    “Here’s the wonder move. It’s a jumpstart to wondering. Create a really pleasant ‘hmm’ sound that you actually make so that you can hear yourself. (That shifts you from your critical brain to your wonder brain.) It opens up the experience of wonder. If you ‘hmm’ and then add in, ‘Hmm, I wonder what I could learn from this?’ or ‘Hmm, I wonder what I’m really feeling here?’ or ‘Hmm, I wonder what I could share that would make a difference here?’ The ‘hmm’ allows you to generate wonder. Plus, it feels really good.” (Kathlyn Hendricks)

    Also, an audio of Gay Hendricks talking about it. Starts at minute 6:05.

    Hopefully the link works.


  455.  #455Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    I’m feeling weird inside thinking about the fact that I’ve never been married. I know it’s ok, its just that I feel like people think I’m weird.

    I am seeing kids grown up that I knew as babies get married. 😯

    Just got news about someone getting hitched and it makes me cringe a lil bit because I worry what people think of me.

    When I ask myself how this makes me really feel…it makes me feel like I failed somewhere along the way….and I DO feel like I’ve missed out on a rite of passage of sorts. 🙁 I know it’s my NVs…but I feel scared that my nieces think I’m weird because I’m ‘STILL’ single.

    I don’t want to attract men who don’t want marriage. I tend to do that. It’s a message I’m not “getting”…and I need to move past this so I can be with a good man who wants to be with me and married to me….

    I’ve written about all this before. Just venting today about so many things. Sundays are hard for me sometimes. 🙁

  456.  #456Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    Gawsh sorry I’m such a downer everyone. I just have to get this stuff out of my system when it’s in my head. 🙁 Even if nobody replies it helps to say it.

  457.  #457Ella on October 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Lucy I love that!


  458.  #458Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    453 Ella yes you have some good points there…all good things that mean we are evolving and learnign and growing…
    We are not repeating the same patterns..
    And yes what you said about those men who drop off our radar…and they end up in relationships with other women but we wouldnt want those types of relationships anyway…that really resonated with me.
    I think there is hope for me yet.

  459.  #459Ella on October 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm


  460.  #460Daria on October 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    “I remember being pregnant with Zeb and facing the decision every young mother is forced to faced. Being 17 and looking at single-motherhood pretty much guarantees that people will go to great lengths to scare the shit out of you.

    The intentions might be well-meaning but the message still feels pretty miserable: Parenting sucks, it’s too hard for you to do alone, you’re too young to do this right and oh, by the way, you’re doomed to be single and miserable because no guy will ever date a woman with a kid.

    To one extent or another, by someone in my young life, I was told those things. And I could talk at length at about each one of them and what they did to my thoughts and intentions.

    But I’m going to focus on the last one right now.

    …you’re doomed to be single and miserable because no guy will ever date a woman with a kid.

    It was a pretty classic men-are-dogs message that I heard and a fairly damaging one at that. Not only was I was told to hate Zeb’s bio-dad, I was told to expect the worst from any other man I happened to come across.

    And it was total bullshit.

    There are men out there who aren’t acting maliciously toward their children or the mother’s of their children. There are men out there who are nothing but human beings doing the best they can with what they have.

    There are good men out there who do incredible things for children who are and aren’t biological their own.

    I’m married to one. And I had a child with another.

    Zeb’s bio-dad backed out of the picture when Zeb was two. He wasn’t a “dead beat dad”…he was a deeply conflicted and hurting man. He was living the consequences of several negative choices he had made. And he was doing the best he could with the tools he had.

    By leaving, he did the very best thing for his son at that time.

    It takes an incredible amount of strength to do that and I won’t begrudge him that.

    Justin came into our lives when Zeb was only one year old. I don’t remember when Zeb started calling him Dad, probably somewhere around the age of three, when we were married.

    Over the past ten years of the three of us being together, I’ve watched this remarkable man stretch himself to grow into the father that Zeb needed him to be. I’ve watched him teach Zeb to ride a bike, play catch or just cuddle on the couch together. I’ve watched the two of them fight together and fart together…you know, like fathers and sons do.

    Over the past ten years, there has never been any doubt in anyone’s minds that Justin is Zeb’s dad, but inspired by Heather, we decided to align the legalities with the Truth.

    Justin, with the help of Zeb’s bio-dad, is adopting Zeb.

    I’m overwhelmed by these two amazing men: One, who had the courage and love to step into fatherhood so many years ago…

    And the other, with more love than I’ve ever heard in anyone’s voice, through his own pain and without any ego, gave the greatest gift to his child that he had to give.

    My heart is so full of love for Zeb’s bio-dad. I hold no resentment or anger toward him. I see his heart and I know he’s only ever done the best he could.

    My heart is so full of passion for my husband and Zeb’s Dad. He fills our lives with his love each and every day. This adoption is just paperwork to confirm what’s been true for years.

    Such enormous choices, such enormous gifts.

    Only truly incredible men can do what they have both done.

    Here’s to good men everywhere, doing the best they can and in unconventional ways.”

  461.  #461Ella on October 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    Hmmm, need to sleep but would prefer to just stay on the blog, but then I will be tired tomorrow and I don#t want that.

    Looking forward to going slowly this week and connecting with people.

    That will feel good.

    Still get bored in some situations.

    That’s ok. I love my boredom.

  462.  #462AmazingMe on October 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    @453 You put that so well, I believed every word. It is so true weeding out men is exhausting. You are really only scoring a couple prospects because you upped your game. Now they have to work harder for you and you know in the end or should i say beginning you will find the man of your dreams. The man that holds you in his heart and bares his soul as you do with him! I am so sappy!!! I love my corny romance words of love!!!

  463.  #463Ella on October 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Amazing Me – love the pic!


  464.  #464Emerson on October 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    460 Daria thanks for posting that
    At times I think I would have rather been pregnant at 17 and a single Mom than be 40 and never married with no kids. Somehow the former seems more accepted by society.

  465.  #465AmazingMe on October 9, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Ella, THANK YOU! THAT WILL BE ME FOR REAL ONE DAY. THAT WAS MY FAVORITE MODELING SHOOT GEEE WONDER WHY. People were honking and said congrats!! All on the streets of YBor city in Tampa. It was a dream and I just went with it!!

  466.  #466Ella on October 9, 2011 at 5:05 pm


    Noticing I am feeling a LOT OF ANGER right now.

    Like sometimes I wish I could just let it all spew out and come gushing and pouring out.

    I feel FURIOUS at flaky CD for being flaky.

    I feel ANGRY at Rubbish Booty Call man from Friday night for being rubbish.

    I feel hella MAD AND FURIOUS at J!

    And CD2 who has not been in contact over the weekend.



    Yes I said F8CK YOU!


    That is my inner drama queen talking. And I do feel angry.

    And I do try to express how I feel and it always comes out so calm and ‘nice’. Ick.

    Maybe it doesn’t thought really.

    I feel jealous of female housemate who gets to be all ‘feisty’ and that is her thing and she unashamedly contradicts and tells of male housemate and everyone thinks its cool and funny.

    And its kinda playful but also totally standing up for herself (more when she is drunk) and I feel like a wallflower next to her.

    I love people like this, maybe cus they are very different from me.

    Usually I am fairly controlled, although not always.

    Somtimes I can get hella angry.

    And when that has spewed on men in the past it has not been pretty, but at least it has been real.

    I feel afraid of losing real with all this calmly saying how I am feeling when I would rather slam a door and flounce out.

    I love passion.

    Wonder if I can still get furiously ANGRY AND show it, without spewing.

    Like ‘I feel FURIOUS’.

    I don’t even want to stand there.

    Like if I see J I just want him to know I am FURIOUS and then I want to leave.

    I hate him.


    Also I would like to be able to cultivate being ‘feisty’ in a playful way.

    Since I have been learning RR I have lost this a bit where I have tried to stop contradicting, competing etc.

    I wonder how different things would have been on all these dates if I had been the ‘fun, fiesty’ girl I used to be?

    I bet I’d be with someone now and still firmly on the wrong path.

    I wonder how it would be to ‘try hard’ on a date again.

    I love how it works when I do feel angry and I tell a man.

    However what I feel inside right now is massive RAGE. I don’t even want to interact. I don’t want to be open.

    I just want to let out this massive rage.

    I want to let them have it.


    And I wonder how it would feel to just say ‘I feel absolutely furious’ and then walk off.

    I esp feel furious at J.

    As I have thought back I realise he never really brought me anything in the masc stepping up kinda way.

    So who am I really furious with.

    Him, or me?

    And you know what I STILL want to express this fury.

    If I never get a chance to with these men well it is sill here.

    f9ck it I feel angry and I love my fury.

  467.  #467Ella on October 9, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    I want to throw things at his head!

  468.  #468Ella on October 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Although poor dear doesn’t know any better.

    Awww, bless him.

    Poor, misguided, Sirenless man.

    No wonder he is confused.

    Overcome by NVs.

    I have love and forgiveness for him too.

    Right AFTER I have thrown things at his head.

    “Boy are stupid – throw rocks at them!” from a T shirt I once saw.

  469.  #469AmazingMe on October 9, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    hey sirens rori is who got me to listen to Marni check it out its live

  470.  #470Emerson on O