Relationship On The Fast Track

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Here’s a comment that seems like the “exception” – but actually – it’s the “rule”:

“Hi Rori,

I used the tools and in 21 days of meeting a man he’s ready to marry me. What do I do???? I am still circular dating and I realize that I am going to have to make a decision soon or he may move on. I find myself working very hard to stop thinking because my fear of entering a “wrong” relationship again (I’m divorced) really scares me.

I feel this man is a good man. I feel safe and happy and good when I am in his presence.

He really wants to “row the boat” and he does. But 21 days!?! That’s just feels so fast!

Despite the timing I do feel ready to be in a relationship. So how do I say yes and that I’ll be exclusive with the understanding that marriage is on the table but I do need more time before walking down the aisle?

How do I tell the other men I can’t date them anymore because I’ve chosen to be exclusive with a man who intends to marry me?”

***Here’s my answer:

Yes – sometimes a man is a “sociopath” and a very, very toxic man in other ways and asks a woman to marry him right off. But in my experience – Mr. Right does, too.

It’s easy to “talk” marriage.  It’s another thing to put the logistics together and go about getting to know each other well enough to establish a solid foundation for marriage.

You’re still in the “infatuation” phase – it hasn’t turned “real” yet, and so you have to take this step-by-step.

First – how do YOU feel?

Do you want to marry him?

If you do, say “Yes” and then ask him what he has in mind for the timing of the wedding and all that.

You’re going to have to trust yourself on this…and ALWAYS keep in touch with and track of how you’re feeling in his presence.

Exclusivity is a big deal. Don’t enter it lightly.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend works great in high school and college – but as we get older – it just makes it harder for us to stay “cool” over the time it takes to get to know a man and enter a lifelong commitment with him.

Love, Rori

Posted in

798 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 26, 2011 at 6:58 am

    Thanks for another great article



  2.  #2Nadia on September 26, 2011 at 7:33 am

    What’s the difference between seeing yes to marriage while postponing the actual ceremony until you are ready and being someone’s girlfriend exclusively without circular dating? Sounds like he’s the one winning here, not her. She commits her life to someone she barely knows? No thanks.



  3.  #3Nadia on September 26, 2011 at 7:36 am

    And that should have been “saying” yes to marriage, not “seeing” yes to marriage.



  4.  #4Daria on September 26, 2011 at 7:49 am

    omg last nite i went to sleep at 7 am as usual, and… instead of waking up at 1 or 2 like usual, i wake up and its 5 pm!!! whoa!!!

    i did some torso stretches and felt all melty and sleepy

    but wow!

    did not expect that

    im feeling really good!

    i dreamt hahahha

    at one point… well my family aparently had a house somewhere, and we were connected to state people

    and my parents went to sleep and then Obama came over
    i wanted to hit on him he was So attractive (he kinda looked like my dad and one of my favorite boxers, And Obama- who i like)

    but all he was doing was going through all our envelopes and computers and reading ourfinancial info

    then he left thru the window

    well i kinda got suspicious midway that he’s not Obama

    and i told my parents and we went and found him and i totally tattled on him to a guard of our complex

    mmm

    then there was a shopping expreience where i liked a skirt htat other women with me didnt but i super did

    and then i was comparing the Brands of Patron Tequila, there was the regular and there was a giant one that was a lil bit different



  5.  #5Daria on September 26, 2011 at 7:50 am

    oh wait after the false Obama got released, i kinda forgave him and me a drunk gf in a black cocktail dress were hanging out with him and I WAS all over him and his chest and i think kissing him



  6.  #6Daria on September 26, 2011 at 7:54 am

    Nadia – haha i feel like jumping all over that question

    there ISN’T a difference put that way

    the difference would be in saying Yes and then SETTING a DATE (rather than postponing)



  7.  #7Paula on September 26, 2011 at 7:56 am

    I would love this to happen to me. I’ve been reading the posts since May and enjoy them.

    Now looking for advice please? I got rori’s book and CD /tapes. Followed all the steps…it’s helped me not just in my relationship but all relationships.

    i only started bc i am in a long distance relationship, and communication is key. We see each other 2-3 times a month, I always visit bc it is easier. He has his own business and i can work remotely on a bus to chicago. we’ve been dating for 1.5 year.

    I started the rorie way to bring him closer, have the relationship you want. i started cd’ing too which is fun and distracting, i ruminate less…but it’s complicated…can’t move forward with any of them and probably don’t want to bc still thinking of my chi guy.

    But, when i am with him, he meets all my needs…how does he make me feel when i am with him….the best ever. i lean back and it is wonderful…and sex is the best in my whole life (i only do that with him). i just don’t see him enough and for him i think he is satisfied. he doesn’t talk about the future and has never introduced me to his family. i truly think he is just more of a loner.

    the issue is communication. he expects me to call..but have an unspoken rule, his that he likes to be alone on the weekend so i don’t call then….but he does email every day…at my request as a need and confirmation. i don’t complain, give advice and talk with feelings.

    friday i had a trigger, was out with a cd, and something just hit me as to why can’t we talk on the weekends? i texted him that, not with blame but how this makes me feel…sometimes i really do believe we are just dating, and accept it and others i want confirmation we are in a relationship.

    on this text i asked him to call me. no reponse…left a happy voice mail the next day saying now i feel so vulnerable and stupid sending the feeling text. would you give me a call. no sat email, no sunday email…no calls, no texts…..this has never happended in two years…even when he felt like he was losing his business.

    so sunday pm, i just emailed him to ask if we were okay. i slip into this pattern about every 6 months and he usually responds, saying i think too much, we are okay, love you anyway. but no email, no monday morning email today.

    i think he has been slowly withdrawing, the relationship is not moving forward, and sometimes i accept it and it is okay. why give up a good thing.

    But today it hurts so much, i am having trouble working. I want him to confirm we are done or not. I have cried the last few weekends….more bad hurt than good. I am suppose to visit him tuesday am….i don’t want to be the one calling him tonight…i don’t want the rejection.

    i want to block his email and just move on but don’t know how.



  8.  #8Aurora Girl (formerly Patricia) on September 26, 2011 at 8:00 am

    oh I am so thankful for this post Rori…the timing is fantastic for me…..and maybe others….

    When a man starts to fall in love, and you meet his family and they love you too, and he meets your children and they like him a lot, and he’s generous and kind and thoughtful and there’s passion and you’re three months in and realize it’s still very early…….and he seems like Mr. Right and there’s still CDing every man you see by flirting and keeping interest up and taking care of yourself….and

    whew……it can feel like a whirlwind sometimes!!

    and it’s so good to have some brakes in place….like time alone to think…and time away to feel what that’s like and new experiences and space to be creative…..so nothing gets started or entered into lightly….

    I am trying very hard to stay in the moment……….not let comments about being “the one” or “can’t imagine life without you” sweep me away…………..

    thank you for this important supportive reminder…..

    xo



  9.  #9Aurora Girl (formerly Patricia) on September 26, 2011 at 8:05 am

    Paula

    You can decide what you want in this relationship. you don’t have to wait for his decision. If you can feel what you really feel….that will help you know…….

    you deserve the best….you sound like you have a lot to give….

    the right man.

    xoxo

    Sending you that sparkling siren dust …..



  10.  #10Mochaberri on September 26, 2011 at 8:14 am

    How do you say that you are feeling lonely and neglected and want things to move forward?



  11.  #11Daria on September 26, 2011 at 8:14 am

    Paula – aww big hugs girl. you ARE just dating. but you’re Always just dating, until you’re married…

    i know you’re feeling awful but this may be the way you start to put the focus on you and really opening up your heart to other men who will give you the relationship you want

    going to a man, calling him… not calling on the weekends (what) oh you’ve so been playing yourself short

    i can’t wait until more wonderful stuff shows up for you

    you deserve it just for being a woman. i know i do



  12.  #12Daria on September 26, 2011 at 8:17 am

    Mochaberry – i’m feeling lonely, i don’t want to feel like this… i don’t want to be in a relationship that feels like it’s not moving forward. what do you think?



  13.  #13Paula on September 26, 2011 at 8:23 am

    Thank you all. Yes that sounds good. I could say that.



  14.  #14Daria on September 26, 2011 at 8:23 am

    “Let go of all “shoulds” and let yourself be guided by
    pleasure instead. But don’t settle for the initial, fleeting pleasure of rebelling against the shoulds. Keep going… Hold out for the deeper pleasure of connecting with your Authentic Self.”

    ~Scott Noelle at Daily Groove



  15.  #15Mochaberri on September 26, 2011 at 8:29 am

    Thanks Daria!!!!



  16.  #16Mel on September 26, 2011 at 8:34 am

    EEEK!

    Ladies, I so need your help! I am already finding myself getting hooked on my one CD (sexy sarcastic). Is it possible that “bonding hormones” are released even when kissing?

    I really like him and finding it hard to focus even. I have some other dates scheduled, but I’m not excited about them. And I feel as though if my fave CD asked, I would drop the other ones soooooo fast!

    I feel my hear flutter whenever he texts and find myself longing to hear from him, to see him. I don’t want this to mess up my sireny vibe! That’s likely what attracted him to me in the first place! (at least one of the reasons)

    How can I take some focus OFF of him and get my siren vibe back on track? It’s difficult terrain because of course I want to show him I’m interested, but I don’t want to chase…. and I’m feeling like chasing! Not good!

    HELP!



  17.  #17Daria on September 26, 2011 at 8:36 am

    omg! just in line wiht my thoughts the other day!!

    “I heard an interview today with Oprah. She said something that resonated with me so strongly, it almost took my breath away. She said, “If I’d known how successful and wealthy I’d get from simply being 100% myself, I would have started it much, much sooner!”

    ~ rachel sat siri dougherty on The daily love

    awesome!

    im hearing it angels!!

    thank you111



  18.  #18Tmizz on September 26, 2011 at 8:41 am

    Good Morning Sirens!

    I just wanted to share this lovely little number with you. It is such a charming article, and so uplifting. I highly recommend reading all the way to the end!

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/fashion/sometimes-its-not-you-or-the-math-modern-love.html?pagewanted=1&ref=general&src=me

    Happy Monday! 🙂



  19.  #19Femininewoman on September 26, 2011 at 8:42 am

    Paula I know of coaches who say that when you get dates on the weekends you know you are in because it is prime “real estate” in dating. When a man doesn’t want to connect on the weekend I take it that he is with the mvp on his dating list. Only during the week, hhmm I would encourage you to cdate and forget about this man.



  20.  #20Femininewoman on September 26, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Mel I would visualize dropping his status. Yes kissing or any touching realeas the bonding hormone oxytocin. Reason why CCarter encourages women to use touching with men when they seem to be in their heads or off in their zone to bring them back into connenction.



  21.  #21Femininewoman on September 26, 2011 at 8:47 am

    Mel also being aware of this pattern you have with men is the beginning of changing it.



  22.  #22Femininewoman on September 26, 2011 at 8:53 am

    From Bob Grant

    Every woman, and I mean every woman, uses their emotions when they bond with a man. In fact, the more intense a man makes a woman feel; the more likely she will bond with him. Some men are aware of this and use it to take advantage of women. What most women don’t know is that men do not bond emotionally to a woman through the intensity of their feelings. Men bond over time, regardless of how intense their emotions are in a given moment. If you were to obtain an instruction manual to a man’s heart it would read like this:

    Men are quickly aroused but slow to bond.

    Men do not bond through their feelings because they don’t use their feelings as often as women do. In fact, when a man is full of emotion, they often say very dumb things…

    “I love you.” (When they have only known a woman for a few weeks) “I’m going to leave my wife for you” (Which rarely happens) “I love Classical Music” (When he can really take it or leave it)

    Many women think the key to being captivating to a man is to arouse his passion. While this is important, those women that rely on simply having an intense connection with a man will most likely find that after a few weeks – sometimes months- the relationships has ended. Often, the woman is then desperate to find out how to get him back.

    If women only understood – really understood – that men don’t have the ability to bond with intense emotions like women do; they would know how to keep their relationship from progressing too quickly. Those that do learn this truth are the ones that men describe this way; “There’s something about her,” and they find a way to make her their own.



  23.  #23Emoticon on September 26, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Hmmm something to think about. I’m still wondering tho how to go about the whole BF thing in college w/o gettin stung along wit no marriage in the future.



  24.  #24Mel on September 26, 2011 at 9:12 am

    But now that I’m aware of it, what can I do to snap out of it? LOL



  25.  #25Femininewoman on September 26, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Reduce His Importance So He Makes You MORE Important

    Here’s how to do it. First, stop revolving your life around him. That means no scheduling around him, no making plans around him, no watching what you say and don’t say, no trying to make him happy or make him love you, no “nice” and no “understanding” when something he does or doesn’t do makes you unhappy.

    The second thing to do is to make someone else important in your life. And that’s you. One easy way to do this is with a Tool I call Out The Window.

    “We keep our men always moving toward us by reducing their importance in our lives.”
    Reclaim You: Look Out The Window
    Look out a window and imagine what it is that you love (aside from him).

    Imagine the love in your heart – all that energy and sweetness and passion – going out the window to that thing you love. This might be painting, or the beach, or giving to those less fortunate, or helping people in your special, unique way. Really contemplate what it is that you love about this thing, how it has enriched your life, and what it is that makes it special to you. Notice how it makes you feel centered and with a sense of purpose.

    Suddenly, you’ll realize that there’s a lot more to your life than this one man, and you will feel your personal power flooding back to you. Instantly re-shifting your focus like this works like magic whenever you feel your thoughts drifting toward any one man and what he’s doing, thinking, or feeling.

    http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/commitment/stop-obsessing-over-him.html



  26.  #26Daria on September 26, 2011 at 9:28 am

    Emoticon – if that was me, and i was thinking about not getting strung along, i wouldn’t even do the bf thing (ithink its just for young women who want a bf for the experience, and not even considering marriage)

    I would just CDate knowing i want marriage.



  27.  #27Daria on September 26, 2011 at 9:31 am

    Mel – i would just notice it and make sure that no matter how I feel about him I am not acting with leaning forward behaviors or not treating my other dates equally



  28.  #28la chiquita bonita on September 26, 2011 at 9:54 am

    I have listened to the entire commitment blueprint program and also have the have the relationship you want book both ordered this past week, I feel so good, nervous, fearful, confused, enlightened, daring, curious about all the information. Most of all I feel willing to give it a try wholeheartedly. How did you guys approach the material? Did you do one step at a time? did you just read and follow one program at a time? or just take it all in?



  29.  #29Sammie on September 26, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Paula,

    Aw, hugs to you!!! It sounds like your long distance guy is involved with someone else and may be married.

    I hope not, but it does sound suspicious that he doesn’t want to talk with you during weekends.

    There are men who are attached with one woman and have weekend commitments with her yet because of their jobs are free during the work week to do as they please… all in the name of “working.”

    I’m so glad you are cding already…

    All the best to you,

    Sammie



  30.  #30Lyka on September 26, 2011 at 10:10 am

    21 days is way too soon for someone to ask them to get married. I would wait and see.



  31.  #31Paula on September 26, 2011 at 10:17 am

    Thank you sammie. I have listened to rorie’s tapes now 3-4 times…i just listen in my car a little bit each week, fast forward to lessons i still need to learn.

    He is not married, i am certain. I think i trust him, always have. he is not on dating sites or with other people very certain, or was. When i doubt all the negative stuff comes up.

    I think in a way it is worse…he is loner, would prefer to be alone at his lake house or his house, or riding his bike or recharging on the weekend for busy work weeks since he owns his own business….but i do fear he is just emotionally and physically unavailable for anything more.

    Thanks again.



  32.  #32la chiquita bonita on September 26, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Paula, one thing Im learning from Rori is to just be in touch with your feelings no matter what. There are many possilities for why he can or cant commit or take the relationship to the next step, who knows. Ask yourself what do you want and if hes giving you that or not, if not just stay strong and keep looking. Rori says there isnt real need for closure. You can start cdating, and branching out. He will disappear and it wont be as heartbraking if you are keeping your options open OR, he will wonder what happened and look for you. At that point you can decide if hes even worthy:)



  33.  #33Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Hey Sirens, this is very interesting. What a wonderful thing to contemplate that within 21 days a man could be inspired to make a lifelong commitment! But…..
    I think a man who really loves you would understand and wait for a definite answer if you wanted that.

    I was with a guy like this once. He was a ‘great guy’, not a sociopath 🙂 but what was lacking is we never had what I felt was a true connection. I feel that he met me and thought ok plug in wife here, and I fit the description of what he wanted, without REALLY getting to know ME…and I could feel it.

    However when he asked about marriage very early on, I said I was not sure, and we stayed together for a couple of years with marriage on the table and him bringing it up often, but never making me feel bad or pressured. I know now that I was not emotionally available for marriage at that time. I was still not over my ex and dealing with a lot of inner turmoil.



  34.  #34Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 10:46 am

    I also had a guy tell me once to be careful of a man asking for marriage too soon, because it’s possibly just like and “impulse buy,” like when they see a shiny new corvette and get excited, want it NOW and buy it off the bat.

    Then, a week or two later, the excitement of the sports car has waned, and the maintenance and insurance costs become a reality, and the appeal fades.

    Eventually, the man puts the car in the garage and only feels like driving it on occasion, or gets rid of it.

    I am not trying to compare women to cars, just simply passing on an analogy that a man shared with me once.



  35.  #35Emoticon on September 26, 2011 at 11:14 am

    @ Daria Thank you 4 the response. I’ve had boyfriends before and I agree the experience was good but I think I am more guaranteed a husband via CDing than committing to a BF



  36.  #36Daria on September 26, 2011 at 11:32 am

    hmm watching a cool Carol Tuttle video…

    she says money is not meant to be hierarchical, money is a resource to help us share our gifts…

    (i like that)

    somehow i got stuck seeing money as intrinsically hierarchical

    she says, Money Doesn’t Want to play that game with us anymore…

    and the collapsing is the collapse of the hierarchical structure

    i relaly like that!

    Hello spirit of money! thank you for coming to tell me this about yourself! i seee u



  37.  #37Daria on September 26, 2011 at 11:33 am

    it’s done

    it wants to serve everyone



  38.  #38Senior lady Vibe on September 26, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Hello world. I’m grateful for all.

    Well, I was right about there being a new post…. LOL

    OK.
    😀

    xoxo



  39.  #39MiRi on September 26, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    RE #34
    it’s the “impulse buy” that I’m afraid of when it comes to men who want to commit too early…



  40.  #40Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Hmm I think in 21 days a man will know if he wants to continue the “relationship” but as others posted above, it’s way too soon to talk about marriage in a serious way, imho. Even if I really liked the guy I think I may feel spooked if he brought it up that quick. 🙄



  41.  #41Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    OMG! This article is so timely. I see skepticism expressed here and I feel sad about it (nothing personal ladies, it4my own little trigger). Are we forgetting that men either feel it or they don’t? Men KNOW before women do – I’ve seen it time and again and hear about it from relationship coaches (including, and most importantly, Rori).

    The funny thing is, this is exactly what I spent many hours reading and journaling about yesterday. Things are moving right along with my CD, MM and I’m starting to feel very bonded to him and I felt panicky. I journaled and read trying to shift myself so I don’t lose my sireny vibe. And it worked, but it took way too much time. (Thank you for posting the “out the window” tool, FW. I really appreciate you and how you always have the perfect article to post, at your fingertips, for any given question. I don’t know how you do it, but I’m sure glad you do).

    I was asking myself, “you’ve only been dating this guy for a few weeks (less than a month) – isn’t it too soon for him to know anything?” And then I remembered EMK saying if a guy doesn’t know within a month that he wants to be exclusive, to move on. (Yes. I know he coaches way differently than Rori, but it still confirmed to me that guys know – and they know fairly quickly). And THEN… Du du duh (trumpets here), MM called me and talked about marriage. No- he hasn’t asked – I dropped the subject like a red hot potato, but the point is, the fact that he even brought it up confirmed to me that for a man, who knows he’s got a good thing on his hands – three weeks is long enough. And this article confirmsthat for me more. Now…shifting my focus back to me.



  42.  #42Paula on September 26, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Well he just broke up over email…and i actually feel relieved. I light of my asking about what i need, he said he couldn’t give that to me.

    thanks to all for their feedback.

    now to invest more in cd’ing



  43.  #43Daria on September 26, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Paula – big hugs! we are here for you… your love life is only going to get better!!! yay for taking care of you



  44.  #44Senior lady Vibe on September 26, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    Interesting post. Now I have an opportunity to ponder what I would do if the situation arises for me although I’m almost certain I’d need a lot more time but a year might be enough.

    However, I do know a guy who met and married the woman who is now his wife all within six weeks. They’ve been married for five, six years I think… something like that… so far. They seem very happy as much as I can tell. He’s perfectly normal and sane even good-looking and charming.

    xoxo



  45.  #45Femmystique on September 26, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Paula
    ((Hugs))
    I feel impressed by your courage – that took gumption to go to a scary place in search of the truth – now you’re on your horse and riding into your future – way to go girl!



  46.  #46alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    i feel so overwhelmed and full of hopelessness and grief that i feel shakey.

    i feel so sad and OVER IT

    i am even OVER BEING OVER IT

    i just dont care anymore. i just dont care.

    i dont like this new opportunity. and i dont want to do anything called “work” or “earning” for me to be able to live like a beautiful goddess that i am.

    i deserve all good things without being a slave to someone elses ideas and piddley “paychecks”

    scr*ew u.

    scre*w u.

    and f*ck google ad words disabled my ads only AFTER i made my first check which they will now not pay. hundreds of similar stories on the web google ads are crooks. this is not as big of a deal as i already expected it to happen and i didnt make the blog for money.,

    but

    still

    i feel

    so loser ish

    and hopeless
    and

    sad

    and crying

    and i thought i had finally clicked into making money in a way that felt GOOD

    and now i feel hopeless again

    and i am suppsoed to be responding to another asinine email about building this big EMPIRE FOR SOMEOBODY ELSE

    and putting all my energies and goddessness and wisdom and skills into making BIGMONEY for someone else and i get my check and it’s like

    BAH!

    i feel like just giving up



  47.  #47alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    i am going to be honest with him.

    i am going to tell him i simply cant do it. i cant focus on this business as if it is my own wehn in reality i am just getting this reallty teeny tiny bitty paycheck.

    i may rephrase it. lol.

    but scr*ew this.

    NO

    NO

    NO

    if i am going to get piddly paycheck i am going to wither be doing NOTHINg close to nothing or something so fun i cant believe they are even paying me

    suck my a**



  48.  #48Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    SLV says:

    “He’s perfectly normal and sane even good-looking and charming.”

    You bring a smile to my face on here, regularly. I too have friends who were married very quickly – I want to say within a month. They’ve been together for 5 years now. I’m not sure how sane either of them are (just kidding, but they do have their ups and downs). But they’ve been there for each other through his being injured at work, having multiple shoulder surgeries and now being partially disabled, to her having fought a battle against breast cancer (and won! Woohoo!!!). The longer they’re together, the better they are for each other and I love them both! Here’s to men who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go for it!



  49.  #49alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    i just saved an email to this guy as a draft. i think i am going to send it.

    this is not working for me. and i dont want to do things i feel bad about. i dont want to do things i dont want to do.

    i cant treat this as if it is my business and then watch someone go and make all the big money down the road. with help of my knowledge, skills and expertise.

    i dont want that.



  50.  #50tinque on September 26, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    There are some men who know what they want but will still take their time, likely due to past stuff. They know but want to be sure, don’t want to be fooled and thus hurt yet again. This would be more common in an older man.

    xxoo



  51.  #51alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    i just sent it.

    i feel empowered,

    never again. no matter what. no matter how scary or jumping into the unknown it is

    NEVER AGAIN will i do things that old dysfunctional non caring for myself living by fear way

    no

    i am beautiful and the universe supports me

    and everything that happens is for my benefit.



  52.  #52Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    That being said, I have a very good friend who married her best friend. They were friends for many years and dated for a long time before they got married. Now I find out they get into fist fights because he’s abusive and she fights back – won’t just take the abuse. There are no guarantees, ladies. All I can say, is we’re lucky to have Rori’s tools, because I’m just remmebering that part of the reason the appealed to me so much in the beginning is because they teach you to develop and listen to your intuition – the Rori Raye mantra:
    Trust your Boundaries
    Follow Your Feelings
    Choose Your Words
    Be Surprised

    Muah! Welcome back, mantra.

    I feel so sad for her. I think he’s bi-polar maybe, or something. She, a group of female friends and I went out Friday night to Coyote Ugly. Oh man! We had soooo much fun. And she was telling us how supportive he was of it – that he even told her she could call him for his credit card number (she refuses to have credit cards) for a cab ride home. By 11:30, he was telling her if she didn’t come home, he was filing for divorce and not only wouldn’t give her the card number, but wouldn’t come get her either.

    Sorry to be the purveyor of doom and gloom on this one, I jsut feel sick to my stomach thinking about it and needed to vent I guess. Plus, this conversation about whether people are crazy to get married quickly comes up for me quite a bit.

    I know another couple who were married within three months of meeting. They’ve not even been married a year yet, but ladies, that woman is a Siiiren! I watched him get annoyed with her and she soothed his feathers so sweetly. It was something to behold! I took notes. I would have been angry back at him, but she handled it beautifully without making apologies, losing dignity or reacting defensively. They are such a lovely couple. And he goes on and on about how much he loves her (we all do – love him, too) and how she’s the vest thing that’s ever happened to him!



  53.  #53Paula on September 26, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    tinque thank you. He is older, I am 51 he is 61. But heck i wasn’t going to hurt him…the best sure bet he ever had. i wanted to give him all the time he needed, thought i continue on like this for three years. but actually feeling relieved.

    alias girl – maybe you will too.

    but gosh darn it hurts!

    an ps. when i circular date I had one just this weekend say i must think he is not attractive if we don’t kiss. lol



  54.  #54alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    the exact same time i sent my email to him i received one that basically said i know you are not getting paid a lot but the future etc etc

    NO the future of this business is YOURS

    what I might get a raise?

    so what.

    i need to be on the same page here as what is actually going on,

    no imaginary relationships anywhere in my life

    no more

    yikes

    i wonder what he will respond with to my email??

    i dont really care

    whatever happens happens



  55.  #55alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    omg i feel so much better. i no longer feel defeated and deflated and hopeless and squished down.

    i feel like a really powerful adult who communicates well, knows her value, has good business sense and CARES FOR HERSELF.

    i am not going to be puttiing in energy like i own the business when NO WHERE NEAR HAVE ANY STAKE IN THE PROFITS OF THIS VENTURE

    let someone else do that because they were taught all that “good work ethic” bs.

    no i do for me. and i am a goddess and i deserve all good things to come to me in an easy breezy way because that feels so good.



  56.  #56Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Yeah, yeah. I see you typos and I loce you, too.

    Tinque, re: 50 –

    You are correct. I know you are absolutely correct that men who have been around awhile, been through this and been hurt are more likely to be cautious and not jump in so quickly. However, all of the examples above are from friends of mine in their 40s. Most of them were in their late 30s when they jumped in. All have been married previously. The last couple I mentioned, the guy is in his 50s. I applaud them for taking a chance on love. They’re an inspiration to me! And I know, even my friend who’s in a bad situation will be ok. She’s a strong lady and will take care of herself no matter what.



  57.  #57Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Alias Girl,

    Good for you. I was in a miserable situation like that last year, but I stuck it out until he fired me. That felt really bad, yet I was relieved to be away from him. We spend too much time at work to be doing anything that feels miserable.

    Funny thing with boss dude, is he treated me like his personal slave, didn’t pay squat, but kept telling me if I could find ways to make him money, I’d make more money. So I decided to go generate some biz for him (sales). But he totally sabotaged me on that at every turn. Ush! He was such a tool. I still feel a need for healing here because thinking of him turns my stomach. But I’ve yet to figure out what he was sent to me to heal.



  58.  #58alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    wow i feel like part of it was a tiny bit residual of “oh daddy am i a good girl?” look how much work i can do, look how smart i am, look how much value i add…

    am i accepted now
    am i good enough now
    am i worthy of being alive now
    have i earned my keep

    ugh

    none of this is this other guy’s fault. he’s doing what is good for him. heck i would hire someone like me too !!!!!

    but i need to still be able to be open to REAL opportunities

    I need to keep cding in this area of my life and the way this current position is set up it doesnt really allow it.

    so we’ll see…



  59.  #59alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    57 sweetpea thank you for sharing.

    yes i relate. i have been down too many experiences of me not caring for myself. it’s almost like it’s impossible for me to get very far down that kind of road anymore.

    i’d rather jump off the cliff into the unknown knowing the universe has wings for me.



  60.  #60Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Paula,

    Feel sad to hear your story today. If there’s a silver lining, at least he let you know what was going on. Most of the guys I’ve dated in the past simply drift away and I felt so frustrated wondering what was going on! It’s tough at first, either way. Sending hugs your way. On to bigger and better things, sweetie. Your options are wide open now. Your on the right track, continuing to CD will help immensely – please continue to do it, even if you don’t feel like it. I predict you’ll feel better in no time.



  61.  #61Senior lady Vibe on September 26, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    @48: Sweetpea says:
    “…You bring a smile to my face on here, regularly…”

    Oooh, thanks!

    “.. Here’s to men who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go for it!..”

    I like to see this too. I just took a scan of what’s on POF and it seems like a big blur of men who look and sound the same and who are kind of boring also.

    I’m probably a little tired this afternoon so maybe that’s just how I’m perceiving things at the moment. It seemed funny seeing the same guys who’ve been on there since last autumn. I also noticed one who said in profile his age was 63 but it now shows as 66 so does that mean he’s been on there for three years?…. answering my own question… I guess he has been there for three years.

    Hmmmmm.

    xoxo



  62.  #62Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Alias girl, I feel inspired by what you are sharing about your work and paychecks etc. It is challenging and scary for me to stick up for myself sometimes at work, and I need to be more true to myself also. I sometimes get on autopilot and forget my foundation of what I need for myself…and I turn into people pleaser mode…no more. I want to be grounded and solid.



  63.  #63Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    AG,

    Well put – “i’d rather jump off the cliff into the unknown knowing the universe has wings for me.” I wish you the very best and love that you’re able to do this. Sorry adwords didn’t work out. Do I smell a lawsuit on Google’s horizon? I’ll have to go research it as I’m sure this is not the venue to discuss it, but I feel very curious about this.



  64.  #64Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    AG,

    You’re right – it’s not his fault. He was smart to hire someone like you. Part of the reason I feel anger toward Boss Dude is because he always said he knew the pay rate was insulting, but if I didn’t want to do it there are plenty of people out there who would. Last I heard, he hasn’t been able to find any help for most of this year and finally gave up on it. Rather than pay someone a decent wage (he pays his guys very well- one of the highest paid in the industry – and he HAS the money! I did his books), he’d rather just not hire anyone.

    Sheesh! I sound bitter. Part of what really chaps me is that it felt like it was sex discimination. But since I was the only one with the company who did my job, it’s a little hard to prove. And I used to get emails on the company email (he used it for personal too before I came along, and apparently when he was drunk) from the girls on CL he had contavted for casual s*x.

    Aaargh! Can any of you give me some tips on how to heal this? Everytime I start thinking about it I feel nauseous.

    Maybe I just needed to learn what you did, AG? To take care of me, even in the workplace? Being treated “less than” isn’t worth it, even for a paycheck?



  65.  #65Chana on September 26, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Hi Rori,
    I was using all of your REconnect tools, and getting great results, and I feel so silly because I sent a very Leaning Forward text message to my guy on Thursday, and didn’t get a response!! I knew I shouldn’t have, but for that brief moment, my emotions and impatience got the best of me and I tried to make a date happen! Needless to say, I am now forced to Lean Back and do nothing…is that the right approach? I’m sure I totally turned him off and am kicking myself! ugh!
    xoxo Chana



  66.  #66Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Daria,

    Love this –

    “she says, Money Doesn’t Want to play that game with us anymore…

    and the collapsing is the collapse of the hierarchical structure

    i relaly like that!

    Hello spirit of money! thank you for coming to tell me this about yourself! i seee u”

    Love what you found – it resonates with me and is along the lines of where I’m at as far as money. It is a renewable resource – it’s meant to be shared. And it will be! The Uiverse (or money, if you wish) will see to it. And I will accept its help in meeting my needs.

    Thanks for sharing! Again, love it!



  67.  #67Ella on September 26, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Well here I am and things are going really well and somehow I am just not feeling that excited about it.

    And that feels worrying cus I don’t want to be ungrateful!

    My life is going really well.

    My businesses both finally seem to be un the upturn… my first Zumba class went well today… and I met a new CD in the petrol garage…

    He saw my magentic car signs for my business and we just started chatting and then he took my number and he has been texting.

    He is a little different from guys I normally CD. He is older and seems a bit more sophisticated. He has his own business and he is kinda a bit geeky(ish) but also kinda hot, in an older, sophisticated kind of way.

    Lol.

    Oh I am going to have fun with this!

    I am loving how new CDs are finding me organically these days, and I did not even think my vibe was that great today, cus I was feeling stressed about work stuff, but I just carried on with my day, felt my emotions (a bit grumpy and overwhelmed mostly today) and decided to stay open and good things happened.

    We shall see but I am loving the way men are finding me to date right now.

    And I feel GREAT about the healing work I did last night, here and writing in my diaries and doing EFT.

    Discovering that I felt ashamed, guilty and less than a lot of the time, and deciding to be ok with that felt like a HUGE breakthrough.

    And I have felt better for it all day.

    Like accepting of that… and that it doesn’t matter if I feel like that and even if I feel shy etc…

    Its still all ok and I am still great.



  68.  #68Paula on September 26, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    thank you sweet pea.

    i needed to hear continue cd’ing even if you don’t want to…i am sitting here crying at my desk. i don’t think i can leave work still i stop for a bit…can’t drive and cry, lol.

    it would be easy to retreat, hide out…so hard to think that i am going to let myself get that vulnerable with anyone again…and be rejected.

    but also thinking i need to firm up my cd dates for the rest of the week tonight! lol

    thanks



  69.  #69Ella on September 26, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    I am feeling SO triggered by computer guy right now.

    Like MASSIVELY.

    I watched a program tonight about the troubles in Syria, I normally avoid such programs becasue they make me feel so bad, but it was on at my parents and I decided to watch it as I often feel stupid about being out of the loop with the kind of things.

    And it was shocking and sad and made me feel kinda selfish, spoiled and ungrateful for complaining about anything ever in my life when fellow human beings are going through such things as they are suffering.

    And it also made me feel curious about some of the stuff Computer guy has said about a few things. He is forever posting stuff on my FB about conspiracy theories etc…

    And so I mailed him to ask him to send me a video he once showed me… and all he is doing is sending me mocking replies of comments I made expressing doubts and shock when he first told me about his ideas…

    And it is making me feel FURIOUS!

    And annoyed and very much like shutting down or calling him names or telling him just to forget it.

    Finally I feel curious about this and I am asking him and he is mocking me.

    What!!!!

    I feel like unfriending him on FB and also I feel fear around doing that cus I am like 90% sure he can hack my computer and do whatever he wants to it.

    Heck he probably might even read this blog for all I know.

    He fixed up my computer for me a month ago and put a new operating system on it… and it has been running a million times better since, and as I rely on it so much for work I feel really AFRAID of it going wrong and me not having any help to sort it.

    I feel dependant on him with this which feels really icky.

    And kinda paraniod with the whole situation.

    And a bit powerless.

    Oww, ick.



  70.  #70alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    64 sweetpea you will find your best answers for yourself. i find mine by listening to my feelings.



  71.  #71alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    so he responded to my email.

    ugh i dont even know what i want

    i think part of the problem is that i dont trust him. in more ways than even i have let on to him.

    and so even if he promises me 10% of profit in my area (which indeed he has just offered) then i would need to trust someone to agree to that.

    and his actions so far has not inspired my trust.

    i just dont know.

    i dont know how to respond.



  72.  #72Lyka on September 26, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    Sweetpea – #64:

    “And I used to get emails on the company email (he used it for personal too before I came along, and apparently when he was drunk) from the girls on CL he had contavted for casual s*x.”

    How professional…NOT!!!!!



  73.  #73alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    argh i dont know how to word this

    comensation is piddly

    and opportunity is nothing like i originally imagine

    and basically is would be “imaginary relationship status with HOPE of marriage bbbbbbuuuuuuutttttt real marriage isn’t really on the table oin any concrete way.”

    but maybe if i am a supergood girl for daddy i hope i hope that i wil be rewarded for being such a girl and being willing to be undercompensated while

    in the meantime

    money is obviously being spent rather frivously

    just not on me

    oh i must not be a good enough girl

    maybe if i try harder and be more good

    WOW

    these are SO MY ISSUES.

    i have had these issues buried

    all my life

    thank you so much for being able to see them

    and i am aware this isnt to do with anyone else

    quite aware

    theese are my issues and i am working them out

    real time

    so they needn’t haunt my any longer

    and i can

    allow

    my easy breezy

    i love me so much



  74.  #74Lyka on September 26, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    AG, ask him to put it into writing, make it official. Like a contract.



  75.  #75alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    argh
    i dont know

    i dont knwo how to respond

    i just feel over it

    i almost feel like i led him on!!!!

    but whatver

    these are just my issues

    and they are so colorful and vibrant!!!!!



  76.  #76alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    74 lyka yes i could. but honestly

    if i dont trust someone to me

    bah what is a contract i’m not much into lawsuits if i was i could have sued my last employer

    warring is just not something i want to do

    so i would rather just choose someone i trust

    and vice versa

    and also 10% of profits could be just like me getting paid what i should be getting paid now AND that is after i do all this work and give my good ideas and do all the grunt work for little $$$ and then the part where i would get 10% is like anyone can walk in and fill that slot and do that part of the job and etc etcetc

    thank you so much lyka for asking that question because it REALLY clarified things for me.

    i guess i’m “just not that into this” as I once was when i thought it was something different. he made it seem like “we were all in it together” and we would all profit greatly from it.

    not true. i am a hired worker for not even that much $$

    HOPING

    for the future

    it’s IMAGINARY.

    a symptom of imaginary relationships.

    not kidding.

    i love rori. and siren island. i love you guys so freaking much for helping me in my life to have SELF ESTEEM.

    and clarity

    (and easy breezy!!!!)



  77.  #77alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    i feel led on
    i feel exploited
    i feel f*cking angry
    i feel very scr*w you and who in the heck do you think you are dealing with?!
    i feel ugh
    i feel heart beating fast
    i feel empowered and that feels like good posture and alert
    i feel so all about me and taking care of me

    i feel so appreciative of my clarity

    but dang I feel angry!

    yae for me!!! i folllow my feelings and adjust

    it’s no longer ohhhhh eight years later

    it’s real time

    feel feelings —adjust

    🙂

    i feel magnificent

    and curious what will unfold for the fabulous me



  78.  #78alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    maybe i will do my nails.



  79.  #79Daria on September 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    i am loving myself

    loving my body

    and yes being happy about thinking about moving my body did lead to moving it

    and im eating yummy delicious food cooked by me

    and im SINGING

    singing along with Brenda Macintyre helps me be able to sing powerfully mysef

    and they said i cant sing – i feel teary

    i want to heal that

    tapping my EFT points softly on both sides while singing



  80.  #80Daria on September 26, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    heres Brenda – the kinda singing that i am singing along with and healing my ability to sing

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41RBbXIA4Ew



  81.  #81Lyka on September 26, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    AG, yeah, I understand. You don’t trust this guy so you don’t want to do business with him. Kind of like me with my boss. I so want to tell her to f off and stick her job where the sun don’t shine but there are not other jobs here, I would have to leave this city to find something else somewhere else. And my sweetie lives close by so I don’t want to leave.

    Yeah, this is hard…:(



  82.  #82Ice Princess on September 26, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Do you all reply to every message you receive on a dating site? I know Rori says we should be open to all men, but some are repulsive. And, seriously, is it a standard to say “hi, how was your weekend?”. Yawn!



  83.  #83alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    ah i just emailed.

    i did good. i did really really good. i feel nervous but i feel i was very fair and basically just re-offered what the original deal was before i started DOING TOO MUCH.

    i basically just re-offered his original offer to me. and now he seems kind of like

    hey where did the girl who does too much for very little in return go???

    lol.

    there was even some weird statement he said about loyalty to company
    etc
    and i quoted it back to him and said it was a very vague statement and could mean anything

    it’d be like a guy saying “i’d like to get married someday if the right girl came along”

    and then the girl gets it in her head that it COULD be her if only she is GOOD ENOUGH

    lol

    lol

    i feel very lol



  84.  #84Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Paula

    You’re welcome. I feel thankful that it was something you needed to hear. I’ve been where you’re at, as recently as a year ago and I remember the last thing I wanted to do was get out there and CD. I didn’t really have any lined up at that time either, but I knew it was the best thing for me to do, so I did it anyway. And now the quality of guys I’m meeting are so good that I know Mr Perfect For Me is close by. And I don’t even miss the guy from last year anymore. (It’s actually only been about 9 months I’m realizing).

    I wish you quick and peaceful healing, Siren. xoxo



  85.  #85Ariadne on September 26, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    Paula….((((HUGS))))!!!!! I have learned a lot from your post and your experience. I know that it is very painful for you right now and my Heart goes out to you…. this man put his comfort level above you. I really don’t like how he e-mailed you to let you know his feelings…. after the time you have spent together. I had a BF that acted in a similar way…so I know the disappointment. You are a Siren! CD to your hearts content to find a better man without those qualities. This man taught you what you DON”T want. If there is any Thanks…Thank him for this. Love to you. xo A



  86.  #86alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    there is an opportunity fair tomorrow within walking distance from my apt. lol



  87.  #87alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    “I Can Always Enter My Vibrational Vortex of Creation… The key to getting inside your Vibrational Vortex of Creation; of experiencing the absolute absence of resistance; of achieving complete alignment with all that you have become and all that you desire, and of bringing to your physical experience everything that you desire — is being in the state of appreciation — and there is no more important object of attention to which you must flow your appreciation than that of self. ” – Abraham



  88.  #88alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    wow i feel like all this misplaced work and responsibility has been lifted from my shoulders.

    I have renegotiated my original position which is EASY BREEZY because it comes as naturally as breathing to me!!!!

    so for a few more weeks i am probably ok. and i will just be on the look out for my next opportunity.

    lol.

    he made no response to me pointing out his “vague” statement.

    but still promise of $$$ yada yada.

    it feels so imaginary relationship trap to me.

    no matter.

    i can stay in the now and feel very light and easy and appreciative that i took care of myself on top notch, awesome communicatiing, adult, goddess way.



  89.  #89alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    i just want to have a freaking parade celebrating my awesomeness!!!!!!!!

    maybe i’ll line up my teddy bears and do a little jig for them lol

    and then we can all CLAP CLAP CLAP



  90.  #90Esteemed on September 26, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Sweetpea,

    You are sounding so healthy and strong, emotionally! I feel encouraged! This is a woman who has done a serious amount of CDing, Sirens!

    You’re taking care of yourself and not letting men push you around…even if he is the boss! You kept your self-respect and showed yourself to be the better person. You got out!



  91.  #91Esteemed on September 26, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Sweetpea,

    You are sounding so healthy and strong, emotionally! I feel encouraged! This is a woman who has done a serious amount of CDing, Sirens!

    You’re taking care of yourself and not letting men push you around. Even if he is the boss! You kept your self-respect and showed yourself to be the better person. You got out!



  92.  #92Mel on September 26, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Not feeling so sireny today. 🙁

    Sexy sarcastic has been “active within 24 hours” on Match and that makes me feel sad. I was online to turn off some of the notifications that get constantly emailed to me and noticed that status on his profile.

    And I feel like I’m just going to get hurt. And I don’t want to get hurt. I actually want to have a close relationship with someone that “gets” me and I just don’t know how that’s going to happen. And now I
    feel like I just want to close my heart and forget this whole nonsense. And then that makes me want to cry because I don’t want to be a bitter old angry lady when I feel like I have so much to give.

    CDing is hard when I start to have even small feelings for someone because I know that they are likely seeing other people too. And this makes me fearful to get close to anyone because I don’t want to be hurt.

    And then I think… you’re just being silly Mel. What if HE was only online to turn off email notifications from his profile? Huh? What if HE was only checking Match to see if I was “active within 24 hours?” Hmmmm? Yeah Mel… he just likes you so much that he feels compelled to see how much competition he’s got….

    Sigh. I’m feeling contemplative and protective of myself. I’m going to take care of me right now and go to yoga. I need some zen.

    I have a CD tomorrow with the regretful architect. I should feel more excited than I do. I need to increase my vibe.

    I don’t see sexy sarcastic again until Thursday. 🙁 Maybe this time will be good for me to become all sireny again. Because I’m not feeling it right now.

    Off to yoga! If anyone has any suggestions/advice, I would be happy to hear em!



  93.  #93Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Aww Mel…I totally know what you mean. CDing is hard sometimes because it’s difficult not to get feelings for at least one of the guys in rotation. Then I tend to lose interest in the others that I’m “dating” and just want to be with that one guy.

    I guess the important thing is to keep CDing. It’s ok to have those feelings for the one guy, but keep him in rank with the rest of the guys in rotation. I’m not the best at giving advice, but believe me I know what you’re talking about because I have the same issue with RecycledCD. I struggle to keep him at the same rank as the others (and right now my CD list is short) 🙄

    Meanwhile good for you going to yoga and taking care of yourself! Yay!

    Hugs to you Mel



  94.  #94Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    I need some advice sirens…father of 3 CD who I had semi-forgotten about has emerged from the woodwork and asked me out via email.
    He said I want to see you “this week” and was very friendly, cute, flirty in the email.
    With the recent discussion in mind regarding wanting to secure a date and time, what should I say in reply? I have written a couple things out in rough draft, but sounds kind of silly…like “what day and time were you thinking of getting together specifically?” ..blech. writers block. Please help.



  95.  #95Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Alias girl
    I can relate to the feeling of oh if I prove I’m good enough, you will give me more or just even give me the minimum of what I deserve, but I have to prove myself for a long time etc….I’ve had employers like that over and over and I hate it. You are way ahead of me recognizing this now at this young age, it has taken me way longer to catch on and I still don’t really know how to handle it.



  96.  #96Ella on September 26, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Feeling very triggered (again) tonight.

    Just something that Computer guy said when we were having that dicsussion the other day and he was using an example and he kept saying ‘Sl8tty Ella, how would you like it if people called you Sl8tty Ella?’

    And something about that has just stuck in my mind and I am feeling afraid like ‘OMG what if they DO call me that, behind my back? and worse, what if it’s true? What if they are right and I am a sl8t?’

    And then I get all scared and small thinking worrying about it and thoughts keep looping cus then I am thining how men will hear that and won’t want to date me and how this MUST be true!

    And really I know this is a load of Bullsh8t! And I KNOW these are Gremlins NVs getting to me again!

    Grrrrrrr…

    I really have no idea if anyone calls me that, probably not… and anyway I know I am not.

    And even if they do I don’t really believe that would kill attraction… not really, not if someone was feeling it for you…

    Like if I met a guy, and he had a horrid nickname, but I met him and he had good energy and was really cool, I know I would still feel attracted.

    I guess what I am really triggered about is the amount of men who I have let stay over at my house… (not slept with).

    And the truth is *I* feel bad about this.

    I feel sl8tty and guilty and paranoid.

    *I* feel bad about letting this happen.

    And that is what needs healing.

    I need to love myself anyway and be ok with my choices.

    A lot of guys are attracted to me and I felt the need for connection and human contact.

    I AM human.

    But that is ok.

    I intend to forgive myself for this.

    And I have a new boundary in place around this anyway.

    AND if I chose to still have someone stay I intend to be ok with that too, although I intend to choose not to without proper dates…

    Oh I feel scared and doubtful saying that.

    I feel super afraid that no real dates will come and therefore I will never be cuddled overnight by a man again!

    🙁

    I love my fear!

    I LOVE MY FEAR!

    And right now I just gotta love on myself, and know that IF I can accept myself, and all my behaviour, and still love myself, others will too, no matter what I have done…

    There was another comment a while back from Married Guy who I turned away (due to being married!) where he said that my FRIENDS say that I am always with this guy and that guy and say bad things about me.

    That sucks and just makes me feel paranoid.

    Guess I gotta do the STOP sign with this or something… just feel super triggered about this cus I can’t stand the way people talk about women and judge and label them when they see them date a lot of men!

    ICK –

    I feel afraid and unsafe with these thoughts!

    Again I love my fear.

    And so f-ing what anyway.

    I am lovely and I can do what I want cus I am a Siren Goddess, and anyone who really knows me will know that and bow down 😉



  97.  #97tinque on September 26, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Emerson – say, yes that sounds like fun or that would feel great. the ball is in his court now.

    xxoo



  98.  #98Ella on September 26, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Ok Gonna choose to swing back to focusing on the good.

    Still feel sad and triggered about he sl8tty thing…

    Seems to be an on-going trigger issue for me…

    Maybe I can embrace it and own it? Like the conversation we were having on here the other day about clothing that could be made with those words in…

    But for now it remains unhealed.

    Sigh.

    And I always have a question in the back of my mind like ‘is this pushing men away cus of this issue?’

    Urghhh,

    Anyway there are lots of men out there… and I can just keep working on me, and my boundaries, getting a sronger and lovelier Siren everyday…

    And all will be well for this little Siren Goddess.

    xoxox



  99.  #99Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    Mel,

    I would think nothing of it. He’s a CD, he’s stepping up, YOU’RE the one he’s seeing on Thursday. I usally try not to make assumptions, but I assume this means he’s booking time with you for the next date before he drops you off? If so, awesome, but even if he’s not (MM usually does w/ me, but the one time he didn’t, I started to have that twinge of “uh oh.”, turned it around and next thing I know, he texted me about our next date) it means nothing. Him being online? Means nothing. Overanalyzing, worrying about “what ifs” don’t serve you. They are beneath you as a Siren.

    YOU are a fabulous Siren. Whether he’s around or not, whether he’s online or not, does not change that fact. It’s not about him, it’s about you. These are the things I remember when I start wanting to get into his business. I know that feeling thoughn when it feels as if your heart just dropped into the pit of your stomach. Sit with those feelings, cry over them, befriend them (the fear) – ask them in for tea (a very wise Siren once told me she visualizes a tea party with her fears and the exercise has worked wonders for me). Invite them by name, get to know them and they’ll become very small and powerless to you. I just did this yesterday and I feel light and airy today. The fears are mine. I love them. I take personal ownership for them (aka I “own” them), but they’re not scary. They’re just fears – and they’re powerless over me now that I’ve gotten to know them. They’re part of me, they serve a purpose – to protect me – but I don’t need them anymore. I’m a Goddess and if the guy I’m feeling drawn to isn’t my Perfect for Me, it’s ok. He’s just around the corner. I know he’s there. I can sense him.



  100.  #100Ella on September 26, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    Oh, its not much good.

    I feel horrid about this…

    And it is a small town and EVERYONE knows everyone’s business…

    And I have CD-ed loads of the guys round here, and of course they talk about me!

    🙁

    F8ck it!

    Feeling sulky.



  101.  #101Ella on September 26, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Has Rori ever written anything about how to deal with people’s labels and judgements when you are CD-ing?

    Just curious…

    Thanks. xox



  102.  #102Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Thanks Tinque, should I as what time or what day or just say yes and let him ask???



  103.  #103Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Esteemed,

    Re: 90 – thank you! I didn’t get out – he canned me. I was relieved, except I needed the money. A similar situation happened later, except the boss wasn’t a douche, so I just started my own business. This is working much better for me, getting to do something I love and actually helping people. It’s a bit of a struggle starting up, but the Universe is abundant and I’m keeping my head above water. AND learning not to worry about money – I can’t believe how far I’ve come on that already – which is something I learned from my mother and which I was in dire need of unlearning.

    I love my life right now and I thank you so much for your kind words. When I read, “This is a woman who has done a serious amount of CDing, Sirens!” I thought “Not me. She must be talking about herself, because I’ve not done that much time CDing”. Then when I think about it, I think, no matter, we’re all doing amazing self-work on here (and it’s hard sometimes). Then I realize I HAVE done (and am still doing) my time in the trenches. I feel that (yes I realize it’s not a feeling message, but it is the way I talk, for any of you hearing warning flags in your head right now. Love you all, just saying) I’m coming to the end of all of that now though, like the quality of men I’m dating has improved so much that if one of them isn’t my guy, someone coming up soon is. I’ve been working hard at “getting this” and only when I look back, do I realize how far I’ve come (and when I get lovely comments like yours). I feel blessed!



  104.  #104Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Emerson,

    Are you assuming he won’t give you a definite time and date if you just tell him, “That would feel great!”?



  105.  #105tinque on September 26, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Just say yes and let him ask Emerson.

    xxoo



  106.  #106Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    Emerson,

    My previous question feels rather blunt to me. What I’m wondering is, was he flaky on you previously, (I’m not familiar with your history) or is there some reason you think he won’t set a time and date if you simply tell him, “that would feel great!”?



  107.  #107tinque on September 26, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Ella – Please try to let this go. It really doesn’t matter what other people thing. What does that word mean anyway. Ask yourself instead, why does this bother me so much.

    xxoo



  108.  #108Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    LOL! Was just thinking, my lovely, vibrant cousin knows nothing of Siren Island or any of Rori’s teachings, but every time I broke up with a man, the first thing out of her mouth was, “Stepping stone.” She would say it like a chant, “Stepping stone, stepping stone.” It means so much more to me now than it did at the time. She’s right, any man who doesn’t stay is a stepping stone to the one who will.



  109.  #109Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Tinque and Sweetpea thanks for your feedback…and yes he has been somewhat flaky in the past so I’m half excited to see him and half “meh” like it may not happen. But at any rate, I replied to him essentially that it sounds fun and would feel good to see him. I kept it short and sweet but with FM. thansk for your feedback!
    We shall see if he steps up or not.
    In the meantime, I’m focusing on myself and work and see if I can’t add some men to my CD rotation! 🙂



  110.  #110Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    Ella,

    I feel sad to see you struggling with this. I agree with Tinque. Why does it matter what people think? Do you think guys will start to avoid you because, “OMG! She dates!”? I truly believe guys don’t care about this stuff. They will see you for the Siren that you are and appreciate the competition. Once you come to terms with this and get your vibe on track, that is. If it doesn’t matter to you, it won’t matter to them either.

    And like Tinque said before, if someone does have a problem with it, it’s their problem, not yours. We all love you here and share in your struggles. You are an amazing, feminine Siren. I can feel it emanate off the pages at me from your comments. Men! Don’t! Care! And if women talk smack, it’s only because they’re jealous. I truly believe this.

    Much love and I wish you quick, peaceful healing on this.



  111.  #111Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Emerson,

    Good for you! If, by chance he doesn’t respond with a day and time, you could always give him some times when you’re free and see what he does with that. I think I remember seeing on here that approach and it seemed to work well (as I remember it).

    Congratulations to you, Siren for being able to let this one go and “almost forget about him.” Obviously, he hasn’t forgotten about you!



  112.  #112Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    Ella, when I was younger in my 20’s and early 30’s I used to have guys sleep over with me alot, and often different guys, but I was not having sex with them. It was usually when I was “in between” boyfriends but I was used to having a guy with me so I was improvising! 🙂

    Like you said sometimes it’s just nice to have a guy there to snuggle with overnight! People used to say stuff about me because they knew these guys slept over with me….I got upset at first but then I realized they were just judgmental or jealous and it was their baggage not mine! I know who I am and I decided I didn’t care what they thought.



  113.  #113alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    #95 emerson

    i truly believe it comes naturally after doing rori’s work AND staying in touch with one’s feelings.

    and it has been my entire history and here i am doing things different, and it’s not like i have a safety net. i am making choices based on what feels best and living in faith.

    and if i can do it, i believe many many many other sirens can do it. i used to have WELCOME PLEASE SCRUB YOUR FEET HERE stamped on my forehead.

    and PLEASE DEFECATE ON MY HEAD AND I WILL TELL YOU THANK YOU OR I’M SORRY.

    —-

    my feelings tell me i am heading somewhere good or not. my feelings are a#1 golden rod of divinity and good direction.

    and my feelings today SHOUTED to me NO! THIS FEELS AWFUL!!!!!!

    and step by step i unravelled it.

    and honestly, i think it will be good for me to be able to do this without the blog so i can be self sufficient and do it under any circumstance. but doing it here leaves the footprints in my brain how to untangle the triggered bomb and then make step by step feeling by feeling good decisions for myself instead of just exploding in fear and reacting.

    instead i can be goddessey now. and that feels so good!!!

    thank you for commenting emerson. i usually feel super needy after being triggered by one of my deep-seated issues of overcoming low self esteem. and i feel reassured to read your response.



  114.  #114Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    And guess what some of those guys that spent the night, I DID have sex with actually and so what!!!!! f8ck all them who want to say bad stuff about me. It’s my life.

    It did feel bad what that computer guy was saying to you though, I would keep my distance diplomatically and perhaps change your FB settings so he cannot write on your wall or see your updates. I’ve done that to a couple people I don’t like anymore but if I unfriended them they’d probably go postal or soemthing so I found a workaround. 🙂



  115.  #115Ella on September 26, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    Tinque I don’t really know why this bothers me so much

    🙁

    All I can think is that in the past I was REALLY judgemental about girls who were with a lot of men… I mean really.

    And still feel that way sometimes.

    And now I am one of those girls who I judged.

    I always used to pride myself on being ‘good’ and ‘faithful’ and ‘loyal’.

    When I was younger I would never have kissed someone else while I was in a so called ‘relationship’. And as for CD-ing, well there is no way in a million years I would have considered that! It would have felt disloyal (to whom I don’t know… and as I am typing the words ‘my stepdad’ just popped into my head, but that seems really weird!).

    Couple that with the fact that I have always been a people pleaser and a natural over-functioner…

    I REALLY want people to like me. Ok less so now… but that was my default. I felt/feel terribly afraid of being disliked.

    And if I am ‘bad’ because I am a sl8t no body will like me (aha – there is an underlying belief, maybe one to question??)

    And definitely nobody will want to marry me.

    Yes this is the crux of it.

    I felt/feel vehemently judgemental towards sl8tty women, and therefore vehemently judgemental of myself.

    Don’t know where this almost h8te feeling comes from… towards those women (and me) and I see it mirrored all around me in real life.

    I would like to heal it but I don’t know how cus it feels so ingrained in me that being ‘loose’ and having lots of male attention is wrong!



  116.  #116alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    #94. emerson

    i sometimes write “what did you have in mind?”

    and then i wait to see how they respond. sometimes they tkae the lead with that and keep going to give specifics

    if they dont and if needed i might follow up with…

    exactly what is true for me

    ie I feel better to know the specifics in advance so i can plan and also so i can start looking forward to it. otherwise it feels too vague and i have difficulty commiting to it.

    or whatever is true for YOU

    you can rough draft it out on the blog (or off the blog) and then in the future it will be easier for you because you might feel similar in similar dating situations that come up and you will know better what you want to say.



  117.  #117Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    Ella,

    One exercise that has helped me is to ask myself what it would look like if (insert fear here) happened? I totally get into it and imagine the absolute worst thing that could happen. And at the end of the exercise, it doesn’t seem so scary. I think it may be a Byron Katie exercise?

    Also, the “tea party” exercise I described in my post to Mel has helped me out big time. It’s really funny how when I embrace the fears, they seem so miniscule and silly. They lose their power. I hope you find some way to come to peace with this soon.

    I still feel annoyed that everyone in this big city seems to know my business, but as my Grandma used to say, “If they’re talking about you, at least they’re leaving everyone else alone.” Not much comfort I know, but I always got a chuckle out of it. The way I see it now, is: #1 they’re either REALLY bored if they have nothing better to do than gossip about me, and 2: Of course they’re talking about me!! I’m a Siren, a Goddess! Something they don’t see everyday. I’m a novelty!



  118.  #118Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    sorry for being all over the place,114 was directed at Ella. 🙂

    Thanks AG for your reply and you inspire me with what you share on the blog and how you reacted to it, etc., trusting your feelings…I find that when I have not gone with my gut feeling it’s because I’m scared / fearful of the outcome. I would like to heal this.



  119.  #119Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    hmm maybe I will invite my fears over for tea. 🙂



  120.  #120Starla on September 26, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Sweetpea 52
    Can you please tell us about what the man was annoyed about and how the sireny woman handled it? I feel soooo intrigued and curious. Thank you!!!
    -Starla (Dorothea)



  121.  #121Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    116 AG thanks I do like the responses you suggested…saying “what did you have in mind” is nice…well I already replied so maybe I will just wait and see. I don’t want to be disappointed if he just flakes out again. 🙁 I’m getting tired of that.



  122.  #122Daria on September 26, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    ok this is interesting. like i think guys would NOT want to get with girls that have 3 somes with more than one guys and or girls that are prostitutes

    but guys do get with girls like that. and even marry them! like my ex who married my ex-best friend

    i guess since i had that example pull the world from under me its very clear to me that none of that ish matters

    like lil wayne says

    “i wouldn’t care if you were a prostitute,

    or you hit every man that you ever knew,

    long as it was before me and you,

    babieeee 🙂 ”

    and im like yeah!!! wooo hoo

    so if i was a prostitute men would Still want to marry me

    even if i had 3 somes they would

    i mean, i can just see this so clearly

    SEE it

    like know it

    as long as IM OK WITH IT

    THEY HAVE NO CHOICE BUT BE OK WITH IT

    CUZ THATS THE ENERGY THAT IS SETTING THE STATE



  123.  #123alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    some men are soooooo cute. i deserve to be with a man that i adore.

    aw crap that just made me think of my ex.

    whatevs. he’s not the only cute guy on the planet. who?

    exactly.



  124.  #124Daria on September 26, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    i also routinely defy those standards by getting with guys all blatantly

    like if there are 5 guys i will like like flirt with them all and cuddle several haha

    i feel teary

    remembering that fun ish

    and i still feel triggered sometimes



  125.  #125Daria on September 26, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    i do have fears sometimes about men “feeling hurt” and withdrawing

    although it seems to always be about underconfident men … it turns out they pop up with their issue and weed themselves out anyway

    eek

    🙂



  126.  #126Ella on September 26, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Thanks Sweetpea, Tinque, Emerson…

    Sweetpea going to try that with the imaging the fear coming true and atm it just feels hella scary when I think about that…

    But I guess if I see it through I realise that acually my life would go on and I would be fine and continue growing and still be a Siren.

    I guess I just need to find a way to feel ok in myself.

    And live in a way that makes me feel loving and respectful of myself.

    It doesn’t help cus I have perfectionist (and judgemental) tendancies.

    Maybe the key is to be a bit gentler… more forgiving of myself.

    And maybe love and respect myself ANWAY no matter how I judge my behaviour to be at any one time.

    What do you think?

    xoxox



  127.  #127Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Ella,

    ComputerGuy sounds scarier to me the more I hear about him. And above all that, I feel highly triggered and feel like calling him bad names. How old is this guy, anyway?

    I think it’s in Rori’s book where she recommends for some in a small town to move to a bigger city. Would that be a possibility for you? Is it something you might consider?



  128.  #128Ella on September 26, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    Daria your posts make me feel so much better around this..

    I just remember when there was this time when 2 men were both trying to cuddle me… one from either side… and we were all laying on the bed… and I got SO triggered. Like OMG I am blah di blah di blah…

    But you know what Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffanys has LOTS of men, and she is a lovely Siren, without a doubt 🙂

    So that makes me feel better too.

    And I LOVE the bit in Daria’s post about its just about ‘ME’ being ok with it… cus the energy sets the state!

    Yes.

    Thank You.

    Getting there with this… at least some shift.

    Maybe I could do EFT too on this… like ‘even though I think I am a big Ho I still deeply love and accept myself’! he he

    Not meaning to trigger anyone with the above comment, just exploring ways to make this fun and accepting for myself.

    xoxox



  129.  #129Daria on September 26, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Sweetpea – that imagining it coming true really helped me with a fear of going back to live with my parents and getting in a conflict with my dad… i just imagined it thru ad was like I can handle this easy! and now the fear has released



  130.  #130Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Starla,

    (Dorothea) Hey Sunshine! Feels good to identify you with your formerly known as.

    To be honest, I was so much in awe, I can’t tell you exactly how she handled it. He was annoyed because she was outside for a long time chatting with someone (a female). And he was kinda throwing a little tantrum, saying, “F**k this,” throwing the money from the bar on her purse. I was thinking, “Uh oh. This is going to get ugly.” I felt really scared.

    I can tell you my impressions – maybe it wasn’t so important what she said, as what she did. She came in, saw that he was annoyed and he told her he wanted to leave. She cocked her head and smiled sympathetically at him and touched him on the shoulder. (I was so impressed. Even now, it would’ve been hard for me to not tell him, “F**k this, yourself!”) She never lost her dignity and never blamed him. She touched his shoulder said something like, “I know honey, but they needed to talk to me.” And next thing I know, he’s smiling and purring like a kitten and wanted to stay.

    I still feel in awe!



  131.  #131Ella on September 26, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Sweetpea re 127,

    No, I just moved back to this small town from a big city last year because I wanted to be near my family, found the city felt too stressful for me and prefer the counryside…

    So it is my choice…

    I just suppose the small town mentality and gossip is the downside.

    And if I can learn to live with that all is well.

    I guess its not really that important… I mean everyone round here gets it some.

    xoxox



  132.  #132Daria on September 26, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    i feel ashamed of this …

    reading Ella’s posts i feel kinda competitive…

    like i want to go out there where she is and flirt with all the men and be paid attention to and then be like I DONT CARE IF THEY THINK IMA SLUT and show her that I am still totally wanted

    I feel ashamed that it feels kinda competitivey

    i mean i want to change it and say its actually just to demonstrate but something in me says its competitivey

    and it reminnds me now of my cousin and how my cousin used to get all the guys and make out with each and everyone of them and dump them after 3 days and they were all in love with her

    and i felt bad for them but i felt too shy to really get with them when they Did like me

    and i wanted to be like her

    wow i didnt expect this to go that way

    its like i feel kinda tight in my tummy

    i feel tingly now up to my heart

    i feel tight in the side of my neck now

    i feel nauseaus

    i feel tight in my tongue

    i feel pressure at the back sides of my hip

    i feel huhhuhhh huhhum

    i feel so judgemental of myself for wanting to steal Ella’s glory

    i feel sad!

    this is a pattern for me

    i feel scared Ella will no longer want to be my friend and always remember this when interacting with me and feel scared to trust or be close to me

    sigh

    wow

    i am really brave for writing about this though

    high 5 to me



  133.  #133Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Daria, re: 129 –

    That tool has helped me immensely, too. Do you remember exactly how it works? Is it one of those where you imagine the worst case scenario and then ask yourself how that would feel? It’s been awhile since I did it. I’m feeling a little rusty.

    I remember I kept at it though, until there was absolutely no physical reaction to the thought – just peace and serenity.



  134.  #134Daria on September 26, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Sweetpea – i just learned it from u right now 🙂

    Thank you



  135.  #135Ella on September 26, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    Daria –

    No, don’t worry.

    I totally love you and still want to be your friend…

    And it feels kinda cool reading your post cus even though it was really about your cousin I am now like ‘wow, these guys could have all fallen in love with me in like 3 days!’ he he… and reading about my ‘glory’ just feels good, like turning this situation round.

    So no, I love your post and you could come here and we could go out together and BOTH get all the attention of all the guys and they would be left in jelly like heaps cus they wouldn’t know what hit them when they met TWO Sirens at once!!

    He he

    🙂

    xoxox



  136.  #136Daria on September 26, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    i guess how i did it is yes, imagine what i was afraid of, and then start releasing my body, shoulders expanding sideways, chest, tummy, pelvis, while breathing



  137.  #137Daria on September 26, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Ella – yes!! except for the nice firm ones that would be shooting innumerable amazing arrows at us!!

    weeeee 🙂



  138.  #138Ella on September 26, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    The Blog is feeling so exciting to me tonight…

    And I just love how I can come here feeling a bit negative and work through it and you guys can just help me SWITCH it! Just like that.

    It is truly amazing.

    And I want to go to bed soon cus it is late here and I am flaking on myself again by not going to sleep.

    But all this important work here always feels so good, exciting and healing to me, it is hard to put down…

    xoxox



  139.  #139Ella on September 26, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Daria,

    Yes, lots of great arrows!

    Yuuummm 🙂



  140.  #140Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Ella,

    Lol! No judgment here. Feels funny to see you call yourself a “big Ho!” Still laughing, but I’m laughing with you!

    Hugs!



  141.  #141GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    #22 FW Thanks for this incredible and amazing advice… it makes so much sense and I can see this is true in all of my experiences.

    (Me & NSM broke up again today… I am feeling sad, and frustrated… can’t imagine how this weird woman can ever replace such an incredible amazing connection in so many ways… he’s tired of the conflcts too… tonight I am sad and there’s thunder rolling on and on in the distance. Been talking w my ex, who’s extremely supportive, and my Mom… thankful for them. Thankful to be able to spill this on here so I don’t feel so very alone.)

    It’s funny, the guy who introduced me to NSM was who I was dating back then. He wanted to marry me the 1st day we met (after having been acquainted out & about but never spending time together). I met him in a store where I had a HUGE message from God, totally, to not go that day, bc I’d run into someone I didn’t need to run into. I was hungry and did not heed. He was wonderful, sweet, romantic, kind, responsible, committed, attractive, very compatible in many ways, domestic, as well as controlling, highly bizarre, and obsessive. I was very mean to him while we were together after awhile. I don’t like being controlled. This post made me think of him. Odd night to see such a topic for me.

    I don’t advocate taking a man up on this early proposal… gives me a bad impression of the man as a child who can’t wait or work for something… but I agree with Rori, that when men offer this, they’re either nutcases or true Mr. Right. I used to say men lack intuition, but I’ve learned differently. They have amazing intuition… they often just *know* instantly when they’ve met the woman they want to settle down with (esp as we get older and know ourselves & life so well etc).

    What triggers me about the quick marriage proposal it that it seems inconsiderate… disrespectful. I’d prefer this man say, “Hey, I think you are the one for me! Let’s keep spending time together and find out, bc I have a really good feeling about this. I just want you to know that!”

    It also seems foolhardy and reckless, unwise and evidencing a willingness to too easily allow hurt for us both just for the sake of hurrying, and for what? These are traits I’d want to avoid in a husband! Or even a friend.

    It takes 21-28 days to develop a new habit. I want me & our connection & future to be considered more, rather than just be a new habit. GET TO KNOW ME! And let us both make sure we have room for all the parts of each others’ humanity in our connection and in our hearts. I want to feel like he has done “due diligence” rather than reached for some instant gratification.

    PLUS after marriage, I will want lots of dating memories to look back on… times whe we weren’t exactly sure, but were exploring each other! Gooey love eyes, love letters, anticipation… etc. After familiarity sets in and the love-drugs wear off, those memories keep me going and allow me to remember how to “date” him after the daily commitment stuff kicks in… wanna be able to reminisce about our process and our fun exciting sweet times as dates.

    The quick proposal gives me a bad feeling.



  142.  #142Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    Wow! The Amazing Daria learned from me?! (I mean that in all sincerity). You’re welcome. I can’t begin to tell you how much you’ve taught me on here. Glad I could return the favor.



  143.  #143alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    ok after this last email i feel pretty clear about what i am dealing with here. actually it is exactly EXACTLY the same as the very first incident. so

    no surprises. thank god i kept myself up to date on my feelings. and each big weirdness that happened i spoke up.

    otherwise it would be an enormous m*nd f*ck and bad for my self esteem. but NOW i just look at it as an easy breezy short term gig!

    no imaginary big bright $$$ future with it if I “give it my all” and “hope hard enough” and “am good enough” and yada mcyada.

    nope. short term. easy breezy. $$ for me while the universe is working on my next big bright $$$ easy breezy fun time.

    thank you self, for really listening to your inner feelings.

    thank you for sharing on the blog even though you feel major alone on here. lol.

    thank you for no matter what, always taking care of you and loving you so much that what is happening around you is irrelevant.



  144.  #144alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    and i’m thinking maybe a salsa class on weds night.

    what i’m not thinking is how do i make up for the time lost today on these emails back and forth and should i work overtime to catch up.

    no i am thinking salsa class weds nite. making yellow rice. possibly make some muffins. maybe do yoga tomorrow. that’s what i’m thinking.



  145.  #145Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Emerson, re: 119 –

    It sounds kinda silly – and honestly the first time I did the exercise, it felt kinda silly too. But then it just gets so intense and teary and then POOF! Like magic, all this big, black fears I envision are all sweet and tiny. I forgot to say that I thank them too, that I realize they’re here to protect me (that’s where most of them come from), but that I really don’t need protection from them anymore, but I still love them and they’re still welcome to join me for tea anytime they want. But nothing more than tea! LOL. I don’t really tell them that, but maybe I should.



  146.  #146Paula on September 26, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    hey ladies…

    so what tape /program should i get next? it’s seems like sirens is empowering…or maybe targeting mr. right. they almost sound sequential…first be a siren, take care of yourself, then target.

    i seem to type better than i was when crying.

    i did okay till i reread his email.

    I’ve now deleted the emails…sent, trash everywhere…all of them.

    but he said in his breakup email that “i was better than what he had before, but he wanted to be sure” i was so focuse on the rudeness of “i was better than than what he had before”….and didn’t think about the last part.

    now going to sleep telling myself i deserve better. even undecisive is unacceptable.

    i have a coffee date tomorrow after work.

    thanks again.



  147.  #147GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    #144 Alias Girl Salsa class sounds so good… I think I need salsa class too. Yeah.

    Did you see me asking you about your eyeliner comment yesterday…? Was that you?



  148.  #148Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    AG, I’m noticing I feel triggered by feeling all alone on the blog.

    This is my trigger and I hope you don’t take it personally.

    Even right now, I feel a little alone, but why? People are commenting to me and I think what I’m saying is valuable to someone and might help them.

    I feel all tight in my tummy and more in my chest.

    I love my tummy and my chest.

    I feel insecure about riffing – like I don’t know how.

    Usually, when I notice I feel alone on the blog, I find that it’s because I’m talking all about me and not making a contribution to anyone else.

    Ohh. Hmmmph! Feels really tight in my chest.

    I love my tight chest.

    LOL! I wish it was tight!

    Ok. I love my droopy chest.

    Feeling smiley now, but still somewhat tight.

    Feel like laughing when I see the “droopy chest” comment.

    hahaha!

    Daria,
    Can you help me with riffing? Please?



  149.  #149Mel on September 26, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Thanks Emerson and Sweetpea!

    Yoga helped a little, but I’m still feeling a little icky in the pit of my stomach. I’ll be okay though. I know that I am an amazing siren and that if he doesn’t work out, as much as I like him, he will be a “stepping stone” (thanks for that!) to an even better guy. Besides, being all needy and whatnot is not going to make him want to stop dating others. I wouldn’t want HIM if we were needy and clingy.

    I should really stop worrying. Our Thursday date will be nice (we planned it today) and He’s making me dinner on Sunday evening after I get back from out of town.

    I was also worrying because someone on here mentioned that guys give the “prime real estate” of Friday/Saturday night dates to the girls they like the most. And we always seem to have out dates on weeknights. So then when I saw the match thing, I just kinda let my NVs take over a bit.

    I’m going to ACTUALLY make some tea now. It will feel good after yoga and put my NVs to rest. Even if he is dating others, he must have some fondness for me or we wouldn’t keep planning dates together. And they have been pretty amazing dates.

    I feel a bit more excited about my CD with regretful architect tomorrow too. He told me “What a very cute, curious and interesting woman you are…I must admit, I am looking forward to meeting you.” That made me smile. I’ve never been called curious before. What’s that supposed to mean? LOL



  150.  #150GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    #146 Paula This is a bit similar to what I’ve been experiencing here too… not the same but kind of. Idon’t mind it too much at certain stages of a relationship, and I *might* even say things like that myself if it’s agreed that we’re speaking in clinical terms about the relationship (which happens in my relationships a lot, AFTER we sort of say that’s what we’re doing for tht moment).

    BUT, most of the time, if it’s not been agreed on to do that, I’d wanna say, dang, I am NOT A BOX OF CEREAL, DUDE! Like there are 50 you can choose from and maybe you’re reading my indredients, and I have too much sugar and not enough bran? Wtf?!

    Have some class! And think (or ask & check in) before getting clinical, and DON’T do that in an email — how selfish imo! I get why this would make you cry. Sorry that happened to you.

    That’s my judgment about it, anyway.



  151.  #151GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    #149 Mel Curious is *awesome*!!! It’s even cooler than intelligent imo. Its something i seriously look for, in everyone. Need it. Gotta ave it… & it creates lotsa romance ime.



  152.  #152Ella on September 26, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Sweetpea

    🙂



  153.  #153Mel on September 26, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Would curious be like captivating? Because it could also mean somewhat strange. But maybe strange in a good way! LOL



  154.  #154Ella on September 26, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    I think I know why I am getting so triggered atm and so many deep and powerful emotions are coming up to heal…

    Its cus I am focusing on me and there are no ‘man dramas’ to dsitract me right now!

    So this is the healing.

    I have been noticing as well my anxiety levels are high atm.

    I know Rori gets this too.

    I love my anxiety.

    I Love my anxiety.

    And I am also looking forward to feeling more peaceful and flowy again!



  155.  #155patti on September 26, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Relationship on fast track……Paula is sort of like me. Been on dating sites 1 & 1/2 yrs, too many dates to no avail. Mostly my decision. Then met one, felt he was my prince. Told me he loved me & wanted to marry me in 2 wks, but needed to heal. Was a widower (probably needed a yr to heal. Had an 8 mo relationship, then told me he wanted to date. I was in the fetal position with kleenex by me. It took me mos to grieve & heal. Then I would out he was a Sociopath. Would if we would have married. Forgot, he was 80 miles away…no big deal.

    More & more dates….then connected with someone who on 1st date, the kiss was “instantaneous combustion”. We’re both in our 60’s & both been married twice. We have met each others kids & have taken turns going back & forth. We’re 2 1/2 hrs apart…..it didn’t matter to us. He had made it clear to me in the beginning that if we are a “we”, then their is no one else. OK by me! We just back from a 2 wk vacation to other states.

    Need to say that I have had severe menapause for 14 yrs. Have tried everything…..NO doctors could help me. I came upon a nat. bio-chemical HRT pellet insertion (lab work 1st of course) a yr ago. It gave my life back, not just hot flashes, sweats, but depression, irritibility, mood swings, no mental clarity or focus & lack of sex drive. I already have fibromyalgia (which has some of those symptoms).

    Anyway the pellet was starting to wear off (cost you don’t want to know). I almost went broke. It started to show more 4 wks after we met. During the vacation….BAM…..I didn’t know who I was. He said I presented myself wrong in profile..I was a bitch. The more I tried to explain, we ended up bashing heads, not talking, etc. We agreed on everything before. He said, I’m so sick of hearing it’s hormones. We all have a brain to use to interact with people. I told him I couldn’t help it…my brain has nothing to do with the unbalanced hormone levels. He said I ruined the vacation……it was the worst he’s had & he’s been all over the states & abroad with many others.

    When we got back he said he might help for treatment if they gave 0% a mo. When I went to the office, I called him to give details & he had to change his mind because their plan had changed & he would have to open a new card. His credit score is in the 900’s & said no. That nite he asked how I would do it, but brought up the vacation, but still can’t believe how I couldn’t be myself, so as not to keep getting these. He said any woman he was married to or dated, who have him stress, he left. He didn’t say it’s over, but the glow is gone & what do I have to offer him now. Forgot: I cried off & on the vacation, but had no control. It was real & I love him. We both had said we had finally met our prince & princess. It’s only been 3 mo, but he said he knew from the start, just as myself that we loved each other. He said, “I’ve finally found you, I was ready to give up”.

    I am physically, mentally, emotionally sick. Have 3 mo left on dating site…….that’s it for me….I’m done, can’t take anymore. I’ll live alone……..Patti



  156.  #156GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    #153 Mel Well, he could mean it that way, esp if he’s British, but I took it to mean he sees you as being curious *about* things… but if he means it the other way, then, yes, captivating would doubtlessly be a synonym imo.



  157.  #157Mel on September 26, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    I think he is a Brit. He uses a lot of British expressions in his writing. We’ll see if he has a cute accent tomorrow. 😉



  158.  #158GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    #46 Alias Girl What’s hurting you, sweet woman? I’m gonna go read all your posts I can find and see! It feels dark and important and like it matters to me!



  159.  #159GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    #157 Mel Well then! Curious likely means he’s intrigued… and that you seem unique and quirky to him in a possibly appealing way to him. This for me would be a compliment (after I got over the initial 3-second trigger I have on it personally bc I’m so often called weird all my life etc. 😉

    In Brit ime, curious means he can’t leave it alone kinda thing, like he *must* find out more!



  160.  #160GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    (Another comment awaiting moderation… let me try this again)

    #22 FW Thanks for this incredible and amazing advice… it makes so much sense and I can see this is true in all of my experiences.

    (Me & NSM broke up again today… I am feeling sad, and frustrated… can’t imagine how this weird woman can ever replace such an incredible amazing connection in so many ways… he’s tired of the conflcts too… tonight I am sad and there’s thunder rolling on and on in the distance. Been talking w my ex, who’s extremely supportive, and my Mom… thankful for them. Thankful to be able to spill this on here so I don’t feel so very alone.)

    It’s funny, the guy who introduced me to NSM was who I was dating back then. He wanted to marry me the 1st day we met (after having been acquainted out & about but never spending time together). I met him in a store where I had a HUGE message from above, totally, to not go that day, bc I’d run into someone I didn’t need to run into. I was hungry and did not heed. He was wonderful, sweet, romantic, kind, responsible, committed, attractive, very compatible in many ways, domestic, as well as controlling, highly biz*rre, and obs*ssive. I was very mean to him while we were together after awhile. I don’t like being controlled. This post made me think of him. Odd night to see such a topic for me.

    I don’t advocate taking a man up on this early proposal… gives me a bad impression of the man as a child who can’t wait or work for something… but I agree with Rori, that when men offer this, they’re either nutcases or true Mr. Right. I used to say men lack intuition, but I’ve learned differently. They have amazing intuition… they often just *know* instantly when they’ve met the woman they want to settle down with (esp as we get older and know ourselves & life so well etc).

    What triggers me about the quick marriage proposal it that it seems inconsiderate… disrespectful. I’d prefer this man say, “Hey, I think you are the one for me! Let’s keep spending time together and find out, bc I have a really good feeling about this. I just want you to know that!”

    It also seems foolhardy and reckless, unwise and evidencing a willingness to too easily allow hurt for us both just for the sake of hurrying, and for what? These are traits I’d want to avoid in a husband! Or even a friend.

    It takes 21-28 days to develop a new habit. I want me & our connection & future to be considered more, rather than just be a new habit. GET TO KNOW ME! And let us both make sure we have room for all the parts of each others’ humanity in our connection and in our hearts. I want to feel like he has done “due diligence” rather than reached for some instant gratification.

    PLUS after marriage, I will want lots of dating memories to look back on… times whe we weren’t exactly sure, but were exploring each other! Gooey love eyes, love letters, anticipation… etc. After familiarity sets in and the love-drugs wear off, those memories keep me going and allow me to remember how to “date” him after the daily commitment stuff kicks in… wanna be able to reminisce about our process and our fun exciting sweet times as dates.

    The quick proposal gives me a bad feeling.



  161.  #161GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    #7 Paula I think you & me are in twin relationships.



  162.  #162GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    I’ve got a comment in moderation & can’t figure out why… tried it again w some changes & its still in moderation. Hope I haven’t said anything offensive or something… if the moderator lets me know what I did that’s unacceptable, I’ll know & be willing not to do it again.

    Hope someone can clue me in… thanks!



  163.  #163GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    #155 Patti I relat to this somehwat from having chronic fatigue, past hypoglycemia and also menopause stuff now, as well as ADD etc. I like Brevail for the symptoms (works on everything at any age apparently) and it’s only about $25/month. I also take an herb/food called maca, as well as some dark organic chocolate. It really helps, even though it doesn;t soundlike much. Also there’s a website I like about hos to use foods for this, and just get your system so stoked up & healthy that you can heal your symptoms.

    One of my problems w NSM is that even though he also has had some of these symptoms as I have, he can’t tolerate weaknesses in others as well… he soudns so much like Paula’s man.

    I just want to fell welcomed… and accepted! I know I’m not perfect… but welcomed, celebratory, and settled all feel very very good for me… I want to feel like I’m welcome in his world.



  164.  #164GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    #7 Paula Don’t block him & don’t try to get closure… follow Rori’s advice. Make *you* strong.

    I gotta do the same. (Though I got plenty of closure today, even though I didnt exactly want it.) Gotta get me where I don’t feel so lost & at loose ends without a settled relationship.



  165.  #165alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    147 sweetpea. hmm yes i feel alone. i dont know why you feel alone. i used to feel MORE alone when i spent all this time contributing and engaging and respoinding back to others and welcoming every single newcomer and repaeating over and over again tools for newcomers. and then i jsut stopped that because i no longer felt good to do it.

    so i dont know.

    i just feel alone.

    and i dont know how to cure it. i try all different kinds of things and the best hthing i have found is to love myself more and not worry about other stuff. people who want to draw near will. and when i am ready i guess i will feel open enough and allow people to be a part of my life.

    not sure.

    my intention is to share honestly on the blog in a way that helps me the most.



  166.  #166GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    Hey, where did everybody go?



  167.  #167alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    146 ginger sky thank you. have you taken salsa? i want to do reggaeton but i cant find it.

    i did not see a comment to me on eyeliner. ?? i try my best to not miss comments. i am sorry if i missed it it certainly wasnt intentional and i always love when people respond to me so i definitely didnt do it on purpose.

    and i am always up for talking girl stuf!!



  168.  #168GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    #165 alias girl What do *you* need?



  169.  #169Mel on September 26, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Now I’m having a nice time IM-ing regretful architect. This is definitely bringing my vibe up. He seems super excited to meet me. GingerSky, I think you’re right. Curious means unique/quirky or intriguing. This will be a fun date.



  170.  #170alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    so i just went on this website and i am on the wait list for two events I REALLY want to go to. I really want! this was the direction i was moving in before this other opportunity popped up but this other direction/opportunity wasnt moving fast enough.

    so maybe with this short term easy breezy gig i will have bought myself some time to get this other opportunity in the air.

    i feel very encouraged that i got on the waitlist.

    i feel like my spirit is becoming very resiliant and i am able to bounce back pretty good from things.

    things that i used to get mired in for YEARS before getting past them. hehe



  171.  #171GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    alias girl Thank you! I like Reggaeton too!

    You sound like a person who can care about people in such a personal way… that’s gold imo.

    The eyeliner thing wa someone on yesterdays blog… I thought it was you. She said she’d found a way to make her eyes look cuter by doing something different with her eyeliner. I wanted to hear more 😉



  172.  #172Mel on September 26, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    I AM however a little bit skeptical about him though. I will be open, but also observe for signs of superficiality. I don’t want to feel judged on my appearance. That feels bad.



  173.  #173alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    166 gingersky i feel confused by the question. in what sense? dancing? eyeliner?



  174.  #174luzydel on September 26, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    21 days is crazy! he probably is telling her what she wants to hear…I believe 6 months to a year of dating is sort of the good time to talk about marriage.



  175.  #175GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    alias girl I took some cha cha & other stuff long ago, but dance has always been in my blood… my parents discouraged my taking classes when younger, but I kind of had an amazing disco thing going w this one guy and we used to draw crowds doing difficult acrobatic-ish stuff (how I wish we had pics!!! no cellphones back then etc). I LOVE dance… and at my gym down the street some guy is teaching salsa really cheap… I gotta go! Have you already done it before?



  176.  #176alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    #169 gingersky OOOOOh yes that was me. and i havent perfected it yet. but i mostly concentrate on the corners. I cant really wear a cat eye because well number one i cant manage to draw it on that well. and two i seem to forget i have done my eyes that way and end up smudging it. so maybe in the future…

    and if i fully line top and bottom of my eyes it looks. ok. sometimes. but i really feel it makes me look more severe sometimes.

    but if i just sort of concentrate on the corners and then lighlty smudge the rest then it can look SUPER cute on ME. i dont always get it right but since i discovered it a few days ago i really like it. i look BRIGHT eyed. and ive never seen it on youtube i was just experimneting and finally i jsut wnet with my instincts and kept putting a tiny bit on then a tiny bit more. i use a gel eyeliner probably not the accurate name for it. it comes in a little pot. and i put it on with a brush.

    what do you think????



  177.  #177luzydel on September 26, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    I’m doing some rock star things and I feel good…I decided to txt D to experiment with my feelings, and I felt so powerful and rock star…he got no power over me…yayyy!



  178.  #178GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    alias girl My Q was about your comment #165. I felt you maybe putting out energy to others & wondered what you need… what would make you feel good and less lonely right now was kind of my Q. I was wondering.



  179.  #179alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    173 ginger sky. i have taken 3 or 4 salsa classes. i am actually slow to pick up dance moves in classes so it doesnt always feel exciting for me to go to class. it feels exciting to dance though!!!

    too bad you dont have videos of you being a disco queen!!!

    do you still have a true desire to dance or do you think you should because you did in your past?



  180.  #180Starla on September 26, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    sweetpea thanks for recalling that siren story for me!



  181.  #181Starla on September 26, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    urgh My Guy (aka my ex boyfriend that i just broke up with) is calling me. He emailed me last week.

    No quiero jugar con ese hombre. I told him I was 100% to the core uninterested when I talked to him after a month and a half or two had passed without him talking to me. He said he would just have to try harder. I said PLEASE don’t do that.



  182.  #182alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    176 gingersky hmm well i guess when i have these huge triggering things and i go through them on the blog and it’s like i am invisible sometimes. and for me i just feel so vulnerable because i am like breaking old habits and using new behavior and it is quite heightened emotion for me.

    then i share it and it’s like nothing….

    which i understand because other sirens are experiincing similar things and i ma just passin over there posts because i dont relate or i have tried with that siren and it just feels like a vacuum with no return so i dont bother with them any more or for various reasons.

    so i understand it.

    but i still feel lonely in the moment.

    if i had real relationships of give and take and consistently being there for one another it might feel not as painful. but this blog is the only support i really have.

    and so well i make do with as best i can without selling myself out energy wise.



  183.  #183GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    #176 alias girl Omg! That is what I love to do too, corners and smudge the rest, and it’s awesome. And it’s fun!

    I think using Prestige eyeliner is good bc it has a tip thingy instead of a brush… it’s almost impossible to mess up if you pay attention. It’s great to have a smudge tool of some kind, instead of fingers… like some eyeliner pencils (Max Factor?) have a rubber tip on one end that smudges rather neatly?

    And the main thing I think about and try is to use colors that look softer on me (bc like you said, it can look severe?)… so as a readhead I use Prestige purple or garnet or whatever its called… it’s a muted deep plum with copper or gold metallics instead of silver (which looks crap on me).

    It makes my eyes look greener… dreamy imo, lol!

    What color do you use? What is your coloring (if u wanna tell)?



  184.  #184GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    #182 alias girl I just replied to you but my comment is in moderation again… dont know why. Maybe Ivebeen flagged. Brb xox



  185.  #185alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    181 gingersky maybe you used the word dr**gstore. lol.



  186.  #186alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    i am going to make garlic and oil pasta. i did last night and i overcooked the garlic.

    it is the simplest dish in creation. but it tastes good. last night was the first time i tried it.

    i cant get myself to make the yellow rice. i dont feel like making it and i dont feel like eating it.

    i just feel like perfecting the recipe for when i do want it. heehe.



  187.  #187GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    #182 alias girl Wonder why that’s happening… yeah, we can get invisible sometimes i think, esp if we’ve had to be like that in life a lot.

    It feels intriguing to me… why that’s happening for you! And i feel sure there’s a solution. And it sounds like you’ve got a good way of handling it, with not using up your own energy.

    More in a moment sweetie, i got a phone call… want u to read my eyeliner comment, lol, but maybe it’ll post tomorrow? It feels fun talking w you!



  188.  #188GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    #185 alias girl I didnt say drugstore lolol! Atleast i dont think so, but good call!

    I guess i need to find out what all the words are that are flagged on here, or maybe I’m flagged for some reason…? (Don’t reckon I’ve ever been flagged anywhere in my life before… feels weird, but like I just wanna know why so I don’t “mess up” again.)

    Anyway, I like how you said about changing, and it feeling like some hightened emotion. I like that. I feel that sometimes… and it’s good, like it’s energies shifting around… and it feels better than when I get just shut down inside and feel only heaviness.

    It feels good to get clearer and more savvy.



  189.  #189GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    #185 alias girl I didnt say dr*g-store lolol! Atleast i dont think so, but good call!

    I guess i need to find out what all the words are that are flagged on here, or maybe I’m flagged for some reason…? (Don’t reckon I’ve ever been flagged anywhere in my life before… feels weird, but like I just wanna know why so I don’t “mess up” again.)

    Anyway, I like how you said about changing, and it feeling like some hightened emotion. I like that. I feel that sometimes… and it’s good, like it’s energies shifting around… and it feels better than when I get just shut down inside and feel only heaviness.

    It feels good to get clearer and more savvy.



  190.  #190alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    aw thanks gingersky. i feel touched. and seen and understood. and appreciated. that all feels really good!

    yes i am unlearning being invisible…almost to the extreme. now i am going to be a superstar with a spotlight. maybe just as lonely but at least i get attention!!!!

    i will be on the lookout for your dangerous eyeliner comment that was so controversial it needed moderation!!



  191.  #191Starla on September 26, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    alias girl, youre not alone here at all, and i count on this blog quite a bit too. at least with me, there’s no vacuum here. I just can’t do the whole “stand off” thing for too long. After a minute of it I just feel like I’m getting my ass beat for not being good enough for someone else, which is something i experienced literally for nearly 24 years and am still working through. i wanna do the unconditional love thing, not the stand off thing, so if you keep that in mind with me i think you’ll find there is no vacuum here!:)
    -Starla



  192.  #192GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    #186 alias girl Did you overcook the garlic on purpose? (to make that toasted flavor?)

    I like to make saffron rice… and I like turmeric too, they are both so good for you (though you have to use saffron in small amounts, or it could be bad for you… but it’s good brain food, lol). Yellow rice… and garlic rice… making me hungry. I forgot to eat much today, was too upset. (Didn’t take good care of me.)

    I started a food blog but it only has one page so far… you said you have a blog too?



  193.  #193Starla on September 26, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    the word that gets me thrown in moderation more than any other is “atta*k.” The next in line is Jeezus.



  194.  #194GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    #176 alias girl Oh, and i wanted to say that if you *curl* your lashes just a little, esp at the corners, it looks so brighteyed w the liner… what do you think?



  195.  #195alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    185 gingersky

    Dr*g
    S*x (actually this may not even be one)
    Att*/*ck
    Jes**s
    G*/d (maybe any religious words)

    my you said my G8d as an expression?

    everytime i get put in moderation i immediately think i’ve been horrible and am going to be kicked off the blog so i have been blocked and rori just hasnt told me yet.

    lol. i have serious issues wth self esteem.!

    yes i agree it feels so much better to feel my feelings no matter how ugly, awkward, scary…

    because otherwise i do feel heavy like you said. no good. i will never go back to that. i dont care who doesnt get me, doesnt like me, doesnt want to hear about my “drama.” i do not care.

    at least i feel alive and on track and healthy and vigorous and powerful at the other end. let other people live their “nice” “polite” lives of repression and desperation.



  196.  #196Daria on September 26, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    Sweetpea – it sounds like you’re doing really well with riffing

    if you want me to step you through it step by step – the one with the body sensations – email me.

    magicgoddessmedicinewoman@gmail.com

    and ill be there to facilitate you

    if u want to do it yourself,

    just fill in

    I feel (sensation in body)

    and i Love (sensation in body)

    and That feels (stop, notice what sensation you now feel)

    and i Love (new sensation)

    continue until you’re getting great feeling sensations!



  197.  #197Daria on September 26, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    God goes through



  198.  #198Daria on September 26, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    so does sex 🙂



  199.  #199Daria on September 26, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    so i can write … im a sexy Goddess !

    &



  200.  #200GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    #193 Starla Thanks! I used some other words, then went back to try fixing/changing them, but it still went into moderation… so not sure which word did it… but glad they’re trying to watch out for att**cks & such on here. I hope they fix my post and post it later on… it was heartlfelt for me. Break up happened today… and s on. 🙁



  201.  #201GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    #195 alias girl Thank you… I didn’t say those I don’t think… and I saw where someone said g8d and it came thru earlier… I’ll figure this out though… I am so appreciative of Sirens replying to me on this!!!



  202.  #202GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    #195 alias girl Those are some *good* words, imo. Wow, many thanks… I was feeling that a little bit too… lol

    I like and benefit greatly from what you said about feeling all the feelings… I need to hear that tonight.



  203.  #203alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    aw thanks starla. i have been following along with your journey even though we had a tiff. you are doing great!! and i understand you because you have opened up a little of your bacground and stuff so even during the tiff i was like oh ok this is just for now..

    just so you know. i am not great at unconditional love but usually after i say my peace i’m ok. and available to reopen issues if people feel unresolved still.

    anyway too bad for your ex…suckaaa. lol. not totally i know he might stil be on your horse.



  204.  #204GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    #195 alias girl I am just liking this post so much… what you wrote feels *very* good for me…

    …and I aim to remember that it’s all just *their* story… and I don’t ever have to adopt *any* of it… it’s only simply a part of my environment and little more.



  205.  #205alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    190 gingersky i definitely curl my eyelashes but they are very fine as is my hair. when i was younger is was like asian hair. very fine. luckily i’ve got a lot of it.

    i need to rely more on the liner. but curling definitely helps. also the “direction” you brush your eyelashes with the mascara. what do you think? you could do straight up or sort of sweep them to the outer edges. what do you think?



  206.  #206Starla on September 26, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    Thanks alias girl:)



  207.  #207Starla on September 26, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    That guy is not welcome on my horse…he’s always trying to get he horse to kick him and its messed up and weird.



  208.  #208GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    #205 Yep! I totally agree with that! As a woman with clear eyelashes I am into this and down with it! I’ve often thought of writing a sociological study on how differently people treat you when your eyelashes look good… I am serious… it atually changes so many things about how people react, it’s like a *major* trigger for people.

    Even more than haircuts I think.



  209.  #209alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    i did not overcook the garlic on purpose the other night. you just have to really keep a close eye on it and it continues to sizzle even after taking it off the heat. i cooked it right tonight though and it was so good i want more!!!



  210.  #210Tmizz on September 26, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    This is a comment on 836 from the last thread.

    Tinque says:

    “One of my sayings is that to have no expectations is be constantly delighted and surprised.”

    I love it!

    And hi, Tinque!



  211.  #211alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    you are going through a break up gingersky? i feel weird but i havent been following you.



  212.  #212GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    #199 Daria Lol! Lmao! U go! Love you, you inspiring whoa-man!



  213.  #213Tmizz on September 26, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    Ella – I’m sorry to hear that J never got back to you 🙁 FWIW, it sounded to me, too, like he was being vague in his plans/not-plans with you. He might very well have not followed up. Or he might have. But at least this way, you were able to state what it is you want. And if he wasn’t ready to step up, then some other amazing man will!

    xox



  214.  #214alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    204 do you ever wear fake ones?

    i agree though makes a total difference in how i feel i look.i dont need a ton of mascara (impossible with my lashes anyway) or a ton of liner. i just need to do it right for my specific features.



  215.  #215alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    202 ((Starla))



  216.  #216alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    203 starla some men love to be kicked. not the men for me.



  217.  #217alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    omg no more pasta.



  218.  #218GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    #211 alias girl Yes, i hadnt talked about it… till last night. Its been up & down for a long time… i am hurting right now, but am so sick of the problems & his ways, as well as some of my own too, i’m just kind of unable to feel as bad as i used to about it. Ak.

    Thank you for asking. That feels very very good.



  219.  #219Daria on September 26, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    ugh i feel so pist! i feel like bashing I FEEL FURIOUS!!!

    [attachks]

    ohhh now i feel sadddddd 🙁

    i feel humiliated

    i hate her!!

    i feel twitchy and tingly next to my eye

    i love my feelings

    i feel saddd

    head hang

    it hurts my feelings [attachk]!!!

    its not fair that [she] gets to talk about me and i just …

    well i don’t talk bad about her

    except in my head apparently and anonymously

    hmmm

    sigh

    this can heal if i go to my emotions

    in my body

    i can handle feeling this

    i am going to erase all the attachkhy stuff i wrote even if its anonymous

    i want to shift to getting in my body

    NO

    Dont erase it!

    don’t make nice for her

    she’s humiliating youa nd she said horrible things about you and you’re letting her treat us bad

    mommy why are you letting her treat us bad

    UGH

    i feel so pist

    i want to fuchkin pull [her] hair and sock her in the eye

    pow pow pow pow pow

    [i felt betrayed]

    ok

    this can heal by going to my emotions

    in my body

    i feel tight in my chest

    i feel my tongue all tight

    i feel like my heart wants to jump out and knock her in the forehead

    sigh

    mmm that feels better

    going back to erase attachks now…

    ****

    yay for babysteps

    i felt it and now i genuinely feel all better

    wat da fuchk??

    i feel surprised as hell

    and i feel moved

    and i feel tight in my chest again

    and my cheeks feel tight and tingly

    and now i feel yawning

    i actually feel like a tingling almost like a small pricking in my heart

    i love my feelings

    that feels like giggling

    wow im shifting a lot of my reactions on this blog

    whew!!!



  220.  #220GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    #214 alias girl I used to wear fake ones when i was a punk rocker in Austin in the 80s 😉 I *loved* the single clusters… yeah… great for Audrey Hepburn looks… i love that. We used to also do Marilyn Monroe eyes a lot!



  221.  #221GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    #218 but I’ll probably feel terrible tomorrow… and for a long time…



  222.  #222Daria on September 26, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    GingerSky – maybe you won’t feel terrible tomorrow, or feel terrible the day after either… you can always feel terrible later, if you want to…

    but for now maybe you’ll feel good… and maybe you’ll continue to feel good … if u want to

    hehehehee



  223.  #223GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    I love my feelings and that I care so much… but Im still only partly loving them and partly able to even feel. I feel very afraid to go back into the totally upset shaking devastation feelings that I used to get over him & this connection… he’s been annoying lately and critical and sweet and caring all at the same time, and the annoying/critical part helps me not feel so bad… and I’m going to bed soon now and sink into the feelings or just get dr**unk on sleep.



  224.  #224Starla on September 26, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    Gingersky I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. Theyre never fun, but I found that spending my time around here as I went through them really inspired me to live this fabulous life, even though sometimes I couldn’t even pick myself up off the floor. Now I’m grateful for all that garbage, cuz lookatmehnow:)



  225.  #225alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    disco queen to punk rocker. is sounds like you have lived a FUN life!!!!

    rori’s tools really really work gingersky. have you tried riffing? that is an amzing tool but can be embarassing for some because they are not used to actually facing, accepting and loving all their emotions. only the “good” ones.

    also do you have roris ebook?

    i cant do false eyelashes yet. i am just learning this makeup stuff. i am a novice.

    i did try one pair and i looked reecockulous.



  226.  #226alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    lookatmenow lookatmenow

    gettin paper….

    (its a song)

    about to be my THEME SONG!!! (ah i swacked your swag starla. )



  227.  #227GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    #222 DARIA Oh! I *LIKE* that. It made me feel tons better in a split second as I read it… and a part of me wnet “naw, I don’t ewanna feel good… ! I wanna feel bad right now, that’s real” like pain addiction (?)… and more like if I feel better I am less conncted to him and all the wonderful healing feelings and experiences this relationship also had **so** much of…

    What a fantastic concept. Thank you.



  228.  #228alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    Abraham – How can she make this the best love affair yet?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAsai8dWyfY

    this is what i am listening to right now. 🙂



  229.  #229Daria on September 26, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    wow just realizing when i feel very pist and betrayed by someone close to me i do NOT talk to them about it

    i feel way too terrified

    and instead i shut them out COLD and completely and go silent

    and potentially kick their ass if that becomes an option

    this showed up with Guywho’s lil sister

    and with my old best friend

    i feel surprised to notice this coming up here

    i do want to heal this yes yes yes



  230.  #230GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    Wow, NSM just replied to my email of earlier and said some of his philosophy about wants & needs not mattering and how we only get what we get in the moment etc… and bc of being on here I was able to engage a leaned back reply w FMs!

    He doesnt necessarily like me doing FMs much, but thats what I had to say so I said it. So there, it’s all I’ve got in THIS moment baby, and I got nothing more… not as brilliant and detached and clear as you… wish I was, but all this emo woman has is her emo messages… and honesty.

    Feel THAT.

    I like my triggered feeling and also would also like to be more clear and see what he sees… he can see for miles and miles, and I get caught up in the foreground — a lot. But still, I am a feeling creature, as well as rational, would like to be less myopic but I’m just me, and that is simply that.



  231.  #231GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    #229 Daria I do exactly the same thing… if I’m still talking you now I’m not all that mad, but if I go silent… it means I am ****REALLY*** mad.



  232.  #232Tmizz on September 26, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    Daria – I love what you wrote in #122

    What a great way to think about it!

    No judgments. yay!



  233.  #234alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    ok well the convos with me have kind of dropped so i’m going to sign off for now.



  234.  #235Daria on September 26, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    wow

    my old motto was… i dont talk about feelings

    no one cares about how i feel

    wow i really blieved that… it kinda doesnt register now

    ok i remember that now

    why would anyone care about how i feel?

    i just kick someones ass, or if not then be quiet

    you either do something about it or you dont

    wow hello masculine warrior gangsta

    like, its all sissy to be like, i fele hurt

    who cares how you feel !!!

    are you gonna do something about it or what

    no one wants to hear what you feel sissy

    you look hella weak right now

    hella girly

    pussy

    wow

    wild thoughts

    i love me!!

    i love that saying how i feel gives me self esteem and magically everyone DOES care- who wouldve thought?

    why would they care about how someone else feels?

    i dono but they do

    and my saying how i feel shows thati think they will care

    i care and assume they will care

    that is biggo!!!

    very cool so we are going to change this thing when we suddenly feel like punched in the heart and strangled

    i want to heal this!

    yes!

    even though i feel terrified

    my heart feels achy!

    i feel SCARED

    my liver feels pinched!

    i love my pinched liver

    i feel a sigh

    i love my sigh!

    this will shift my LIFE!!!

    wow goodie so cool!

    maybe i will heal my relationship with my Godsiter, and with my dad

    when i felt betrayed, i just shut them out. never will trust them again

    ugh

    i love me!

    i honor that

    i want to heal!

    new ways of behaving, healing healing healing

    yawn

    i will be able to speak and share!!

    wow so cool!!



  235.  #236GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    #225 alias girl Thanks for your advice… I am going to do to more riffing soon… used to journal a bit like that long ago… yes, it brings stuff out… omg and how! I guess I will find out, I need it a lot.

    Yes, it’s scary… to feel all that… and let it come up. i’ve done lots & lots of work. More is needed, and that feels like , well am I just a lost case, always needing work…? But no, it’s just what has to be done imo to take good care of this me that I am… like eating every day…? Can’t leave it behind and act like mind/heart will be ok without attention & care, like teeth, sleep, lotion on dry skin etc.

    No, don’t have Rori’s book, yet.

    My life has had fun periods… lol… I still have some of the disco clothes, wish I had them all! And the punk clothes are all gone (by accident)… I had a box *filled* w makeup about 2 feet square… another same size box with filled with nail polishes… purple in my hair with a sort of Sheena Easton haircut, and flaming Annie Lennox red (almost)… boots (I *LOVE* boots), and I had a belt given to me by my friend the drummer of band you may know of (which i dont like their srtuff anymore but they were my friends, hung out with bands back then)… still have the belt, you bet!

    It is fun to be a girl!!! Glad you’re exploring/experimenting with the makeup… it is fun and actually i think, therapeutic. Do you think so?



  236.  #237GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    #235 Daria Wow, that’s so cool… so good… makes me feel like you will be lighter… I see it. Untangly inside… I feel a little giggle coming up in me thinking about that!



  237.  #238Poopy pants on September 26, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    Yo Momma so stupid she used Rori for penis advice.



  238.  #239GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    #225 alias girl You are hilarious (one of my highest compliments, lol!)… reecockulous! LOL! 😀

    Nowadays the mascaras are so good, you don’t necessarily need false lashes… but if you ever try them, the little clusters that go at the corners are the coolest imo. The whole lash piece is kind of morelike stage makeup i think. Looks reecockulous, yes, lol!

    Just a cluster ot two at outer corners… for evening esp in a darker place… and make sure the adhesive is healthy and won’t kill your lashes etc. Makes your photos look smashing!

    It feels really good to me to hear how you’re having fun!



  239.  #240Poopy pants on September 26, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    Daria, have you had your brain checked out today?



  240.  #241Poopy pants on September 26, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    Daria is so bad at finding a boyfriend that she has been on Rori’s site for 5 years.



  241.  #242Poopy pants on September 26, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    Are you a lesbian Daria?



  242.  #243Daria on September 26, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    omg! http://www.margaretmlynch.com/PPFvideo/

    this is so rockin! realized with my brothers, and sometimes with my Godsister,

    and while tapping i remember, stepping out on the block – ie on a street where a bunch of people are already hanging out and im coming to join them –

    i DON’t well that is DIDN’T feel very powerful!

    in fact i remember visiting this one man’s block and feeling soooo shy omgosh!!!!!

    i used to practice visualizations just hoping i might feel more confident one day was my dream

    and now i just did this tapping along with this video and i DO feel confident

    omg fuchkin rockin!!!

    AND

    i just thought about doing it again, but picturing a scenario back in time, liek in middleschool at the lunchyard, when i definitnely did not feel in power!!

    wow that will be so sick! as in awesome

    i feel fuchkin excited!

    im gonna download this video



  243.  #244GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    alias girl (I still have some purple hair color… purple’s not at all my favorite color, but it looks good with my coloring… plum shades… aaah… plums & berries! Leaf, chocolate, copper, berry, spice, stone & watery soft teals… i looooove color… it is one of my happiest and most deeply delicious things in life!)



  244.  #245GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    Okay, another comment is in moderation… to alias girl… and all I was talking about was colors i like… lol… this is weird and funny, it is making me laugh!



  245.  #246Daria on September 26, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    mm hi poopy pants “eye roll”

    [advice]

    wait how do i feel surprised, a lil scared, ashamed to say that , smily and excited

    ohh i feel tight in my tummy

    yay we have a random attachky person to practice on!

    actually i don’t want that

    now that i’ve done the practice



  246.  #247Daria on September 26, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    GingerSky are you using more than one link in your posts? that also goes in moderation



  247.  #248English Woman on September 26, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    #18 Tmizz

    LOVE it!!! Nothing wrong with us, we just haven’t met the right guy yet!! 🙂



  248.  #249GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    Okay there are att**cks happening here now… for real… ?



  249.  #250Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    111
    thank you Sweetpea for the kind words
    🙂



  250.  #251GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    #247 Daria Thanks for telling me… but no, I didn’t use any links at all.



  251.  #252GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:34 pm

    #246 Daria That is *AWESOME*!!!!!



  252.  #253Daria on September 26, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    uhoh i feel squeezy heart… 🙁

    i feel bad cuz if i was using the whole lashes on my eyes i wouldn’t feel good to see it called a bad name

    also it felt kinda like sad and squeezy heart to be asked if i had my brain checked 🙁

    im feeling all sad now 🙁

    sigh

    now im feeling smily

    🙂



  253.  #254English Woman on September 26, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    #34 Emerson

    That’s a very good analogy in my opinion……



  254.  #255Tmizz on September 26, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    Today I am noticing…how silly my insecurities and worries are about relationships and men. haha. Or rather, I should say that I WANT to notice and accept that. I’m hoping that by writing it out here, in words, it can become true;)

    Because the fact is…nothing is going “wrong.” Everything is perfectly fine with TDH. He came over, and we went out to dinner last night. Then we spent time together after dinner. It became pretty intimate. And that’s probably where my mind goes off into la-la land. But I knew I would feel insecure. That’s why I asked him if he would call me today. And he totally did call me today! But we just chit-chatted, nothing special. I know that’s not a bad sign. Heck, it’s probably actually good! lol

    I just realize that I am having insecure feelings because I don’t have a *confirmed* date to look forward to. Only that he told me that he likes me, that he wants to see me, and that he’s going to keep calling me and seeing me.

    After we spoke, I texted him thanks for calling, and he responded with a smiley face.

    All indications are positive, and it’s just my inner critic, and the part of me that doesn’t want to succeed, that doesn’t want to feel happy, that’s trying to convince me of – I don’t know what. That the good is just an illusion or something.

    But men are straightforward. We can take them at their word.

    I love Tinque’s advice about focusing on the good. I am totally going to work with that!

    And ladies, he is sooooo cute! When he called today, I missed the call, but he said it was right after he finished his lunch, before he went back to work. He sounded excited, like that’s what he was really looking forward to. And he picked up the phone when I called back, even though he was at the office. So I guess I should be complimented, right??

    I guess I just wanted to have a more meaningful conversation, but that’s not practical when the guy’s at work. lol

    Anyway, it hasn’t even been that long. I am for sure still keeping my profile on OK Cupid – and the Indian dating site, lol. And I’m flirting, CD-ing and noticing men everywhere. So, i guess I’d say I’m thinking about him, but not obsessing. I hope. ha!

    I noticed something last night, too, which is that it just felt so NORMAL being with him. I felt nervous on the first two dates, but last night, it wasn’t as charged. It was almost *boring.* I even let the conversation a lull a few times. But I noticed when he was opening up to me, too. And it was always so cute! I love that he professed that he likes me. He looked right into my eyes and said it. And I know it’s not love. But I like what he said next, which was that serious relationships happen “over time.” I couldn’t agree more!

    And it totally goes along with – I can’t remember where it was now – but the thing someone posted about guys bonding over time, even when they are aroused in the moment.

    But I think that men can bond very quickly, too. It all really depends. I think it varies by individual and by the situation. There doesn’t seem to be any hard and fast rule here. One guy might know after one date that the woman is the right one for him, even when he really doesn’t know all that much about her. But in another scenario, it may take a guy years before he wakes up one day, and realizes the woman next to him is his future wife.

    I guess this all just goes back to Rori’s idea of the guys’ “timeline.” We think of it as “different from ours,” which is true. But also, I think we can’t expect all guys to be a certain way, just because one or two guys do it like this or like that. I guess the point is, that all guys have their OWN individual timeline. And he may or may not know what that is! So there is no point trying to control it. It’s within him. And we can choose to be flexible around that, or not. Or just to be open to…what is.

    Right now I feel like I want to be open to What’s Next. I can see more over time. I don’t have to control.

    I feel pleasant and relaxed when I think that thought.

    And I think I know what I want now, too. I mean, overall, obviously, I want to get married and have kids with a great and supportive partner. But right now, that would be too much for me. I know that. In fact, right now, even being “committed” or “engaged” would be too much for me! I’m still recovering from the last one. But I need a ‘stepping stone.’ I like the idea (this is a CCarter thing) of having a non-committed relationship. It’s not an “open relationship,” and it’s not a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. It’s a relationship with someone where you are just not committed yet. I really love that idea. I think it’s beautiful.

    And I think CD-ing fits right into it, too, because there is no reason you couldn’t still go out on coffee dates or lunch dates or just flirt and chat with guys, and using that to raise your vibe. And in time, the guy either will or won’t commit – when he’s ready. If he does, great! If he doesn’t, move on! It’s a no-brainer to me. And I like it. I’m into that right now. Because my brain can use a break!

    Sorry for the long post, everyone. I just felt like writing tonight.

    (and sort of vaguely distracting myself from thinking about him calling or making plans, or being rejected or what I “want to say.” ha! I’m a silly girl. Yes, I am a silly girl! A silly, luscious girl, with beautiful emotions, beautiful tears, beautiful hair, and polka dot fingernails. yes. I love myself so much. Time for sleep…)

    Good night!



  255.  #256Daria on September 26, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    Rori this poopy pants person is attacking me randomly



  256.  #257GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    My favorite color list gets in moeration, yet penis comes thru! Lol! (NO pun intended, lmbo!) This is fn, and is making me laugh & feel like if I could feel like this all the time I’d do better in my relationships! Daria, alias girl, I am taking your advice! I may riff (nicely) on poopy pants shortly, for fun and practice!



  257.  #258GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    #253 Daria GOOD POINT!!! I meant, but totally failed to say, that for a lot of people those whole lashes are kind a big imo. (And had to apply straight, it takes skills.)

    But you are EXACTLY RIGHT, and thank you for saying that. I stand gladly corrected, and that feels very very good!!

    Apologies to anyone who wears those (and I was kind of caught up in liking alias girl’s funny word.)



  258.  #259GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    i mean “hard to apply straight”



  259.  #260Rori Raye on September 26, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    Sorry Ginger – just some words – I’ll try loosening up on them next week…Love, Rori



  260.  #261Daria on September 26, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    polkadot fingernails sounds really cool



  261.  #262GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    #253 Daria I like your brain pretty much a lot myself… as far as it is shown here.



  262.  #263Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    GingerSky, AG and Daria
    Regarding the full lashes, I LOVE them…and I’ve noticed if they are too big, I cut them down a bit to fit my eye, and they look amazing! I have longish lashes to begin with, so when I put the falsies on, my eyes really stand out! I love the dramatic effect! I put them on last, after all my makeup and mascara is applied.



  263.  #264GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    #260 Rori Awww! *Thank you!* If I knew what they were I’d be more careful… thanks for your caring efforts at keeping the blog all comfy and safe yet real and authentic… that’s a fine line… and it is gold. Bless you much!



  264.  #265Daria on September 26, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    GingerSky – oh the word sending you there is pl*um
    there was some intense feeling stuff with pl*um the poster a few weeks ago



  265.  #266Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 10:52 pm


  266.  #267GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    #263 Emerson AG Daria Aah! Cutting them yourself… very crafty & cool! Perhaps I’ll try the whole lashes again, now that i have Pink Shoe Style info! (I *love* that shoe!!!)



  267.  #268alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    no, it was just the particular lashes i used looked reecockulous on ME. they were like thick and like a thick fuzz of lash on my normally sparsely lashed eyelids. looked reecockulous and if you saw it you would sayt the same. i looked like a burlesque dancer or something. time and a place, you know. and everyday daytime was not the place for those. i looked reecockulous. adam corolla used to say that on the radio show love line all the time.

    it looks like your dangerous comments came out of moderation ginger sky!!

    you sound like a really fun person. rori’s tools will help you become lighter, more often. are you cding?



  268.  #269English Woman on September 26, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    #99 Sweetpea

    GREAT post, thank you. I know it was for Mel, but it was sooo good for me to read too.



  269.  #270alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 10:56 pm

    and maybe st*ne also. lol



  270.  #271alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    penis penis penis penis penis



  271.  #272GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    #265 Daria Oh! Wow. Thanks for sharing that! Lol! You shoulda seen me sittin here, scanning that post, tryin to figure out which color possibly sounded dirty ot atta**cky… LOL! I am *so* glad this happened. It really lightened my mood, a lot!

    Thanks again Rori. xxxooo



  272.  #273GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    #270 ag I was wondering about st*one, yes.

    penis penis lol! cute



  273.  #274alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    244 gingersky you could wear a sparkly gold shadow on the lid and then a nice purple plum in the crease. PRETTY!



  274.  #275alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    lol this got put in moderation. hehee

    244 gingersky you could wear a sparkly gold shadow on the lid and then a nice purple pl*m in the crease. PRETTY!



  275.  #276Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    Aw thanks Ginger Sky I love the shoe too! It’s my little reminder to be girly and sireny and sexy!!
    xoxo
    Well I cut the lashes down a teeny bit because sometimes they are too wide for my eye, does that make sense?
    I guess some people’s eyes must be much wider than mine from corner to corner…LOL…so I just cut a teeny bit off the part that would go toward the inside of my eye and stick that puppy on! Yay! I don’t cut the length of the actual lashes, just to clarify. And they have soo many kinds, some are really cute and natural, not long and wispy at all! I like them all. 🙂
    I’m also really into lipliner and making my lips look shapely, especially the cupid’s bow on top!



  276.  #277Starla on September 26, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    PENIS
    😀



  277.  #278alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    236 gingersky the thing with riffing is it takes you UP OUT of the bad feelings. you riff right through them until you come out the other end so no need to stay mired in bad feelings.

    sirens get confused and think oh riffing will put me in a bad place because then i have to feel ick feelings.
    wehn actually its like

    no you are already in a bad place because you are NOT feeling the bad feelings.

    although i have to add a caveat to the whole riffing thing. I had to riff A LOT to get to a consistently good place. it didnt just happen in one riff. i had to keep doing it because i had a lifetime of backed up feelings. but for a lifetime of backed up feelings the time wasnt so much. like a clogged drain. once you get it moving… all the rest of it starts flowing too.

    anyway no pressure. if you ever want to start using rori’s tools they are helpful. if not, its up to you.

    you were a groupie???? hehe

    yes makeup can be fun. i dont much care for foundation or red lipstick. and i havent gotten the hang of the false lashes but i like experimenting with it when i go to wear it. i dont fuss with it much as a hobby. i only experiment when i go to actually wear it. which makes for some not so great makeup days!!



  278.  #279Daria on September 26, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    Emerson – super like! tHank you !!



  279.  #280Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    Alias Girl,

    Thanks for responding to my “feeling alone” attempt at riffing (and for not taking it personally). I feel sad to hear this is your only support and I feel that way a lot too. One thing I know about me, is that there is sooo much going on here anymore that by the time I catch up on the new posts, i can’t remember everything I wanted to comment on. And, since I’m generally on my phone, it literally takes three times as long to get through everything if I comment at the moment, every time I see something I want to comment on.

    I feel really, really bad that you feel alone here – ever! It doesn’t really bother me that much, usually. I take in a lot of information and that’s what I really am here for. It is really nice to feel acknowledged though, when I do post.

    I don’t know about any other day, but I saw lots of comments to you and I felt curious about why you would feel alone today. Then I felt curious about why on earth I would feel alone today. But I still feel really badly because I get a lot out of your posts and I read them, even when I don’t comment on them.

    Hugs.



  280.  #281alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    i just had some hot tea with fresh ginger. i am hoping it helps my phlegm issue that i;ve had my entire adult life.



  281.  #282Starla on September 26, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    just replace pl*m with penis to avoid moderation. elegant solution.

    “…a nice purple penis in the crease. PRETTY!”



  282.  #283Daria on September 26, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    feels scary to address anything written by Alias Girl

    i really like the gold shadow on lid with plu*M purple in crease! ooh

    i want some natural makeup! that would feel nice!

    natural lipstick is there some… hmmm



  283.  #284alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    276 emerson can i ask which are the best false eyelashes. i tried the 1.00 ones from ELF. because i’m extravagant like that.



  284.  #285Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    AG,

    Also, there’s just so much good stuff on here that I would feel completely overwhelmed if I felt the need to comment on each and every thing that resonates with me because there’s so much that does. So mostly I only comment on things that resonate deeply with me these days.

    I hope you, and all the Sirens know that I feel appreciative of you. My lack of comment doesn’t mean you haven’t touched my life, my mind, altered my thought patterns, given me something to think about, etc.



  285.  #286Sweetpea on September 26, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    Starla,

    You are welcome! Thanks for asking. I needed the reminder.



  286.  #287alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:14 pm

    i feel annoyed to be addressed in the third person like i’m a big scary swamp monster. ugh. i feel manipulated.



  287.  #288alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    285 sweetpea yes of course i understand. that’s why i stopped doing it myself. it felt overwhelming and not good. i appreciate you being here and i appreciate what you said. i appreciate all the sirens. i have been deeply altered for the better as well.



  288.  #289Daria on September 26, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    Alias Girl – i still feel really angry at you

    i feel scared to talk to you



  289.  #290GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    #268 ag Same to you, you have lifted me up tonight hugely, lol! Many thanks.

    Not really CDing much. A bit tho, and enthusiastically.

    CDing w everything around me, which was a great improvement and helped me get back into life… also made some cool new female friends here lately i think… had let this situation here make me limited (which is one of the things he has complained about even today, go figure).

    NSM and I live next door, I live in a house he owns and we work together nearly everyday… I like and want the work&love mixture (but have all eggs in one basket now, which is hard… i wound up homeless after economic mess a few years ago & am still digging out slowly, living & working some in this intentional community setting which i am in love with)… have found love & work/mission fall together rather happily in my life a lot… but I wrecked my car about the same time as the economy tanked & can’t get out much easily. Who wants to CD w someone in my situation… it is truly very embarassing. Plus I’m an oddball in a good way & not many men fit w me at all. It’s a small city here where I already know most everybody and no one I want to CD with *at all*.. But will do it somehow, maybe online again after some time. I know this is a nice nugget of challenge for which the solution will likely lead me on a great path in time… thank you for your words.

    I do believe in CDing in a big way, I am totally behind it.



  290.  #291alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    282 starla LOL hahahaha

    substitue for jes*s

    i was saved by the almighty loving penis!



  291.  #292Daria on September 26, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    i feel like attachkin you and i don’t want to do that

    ugh!!

    feel like my body is vibrating

    feel happy and excited to write about my feelings

    feeling tight in my legs and tired and wanting to go to sleep



  292.  #293alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    289 daria i dont feel so fond of you either.



  293.  #294Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    278 I’m glad you liked it! She has more videos and I think there maybe is one with natural/daytime eyes and lips…

    AG I get the ones made by Ardell, they make a lot of different shapes/lengths and you can find them at the drugstore. They are made from real hair, and not to pricey…I think under $4??
    I don’t think the Elf ones are made from real hair…but I’ve never tried them.



  294.  #295Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    Gah my last post is in moderation! Not sure why, I didn’t say pl&m 🙂

    Daria I was just saying I’m glad you liked the makeup video!



  295.  #296Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    Also AG I replied to you that I use the brand Ardell lashes…never tried Elf 🙂



  296.  #297Daria on September 26, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    i don’t feel good having people think i’m trying to manipulate someone

    i feel terrified that that’s what they will think after reading AG feels manipulated

    i feel humiliated and enfuriated

    omg i feel like i could shoot lava out the whole top torso of my body

    i feel sigh

    i feel giggly

    i feel head back eyes closed pleasure!!!

    writing about my feelings feels sooooo gooddddddd

    fuchkin amazing

    way better than attachking omg yesSSSSS

    heeehehheheheeeeee



  297.  #298alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    292 daria finally girl. get it out. i dont feel all tied up like i was. because i riffed it out. i just feel disrespected and i felt it over and over and then i was DONE. and nothing got resolved and whatever. but if you want to riff go for it. i wont even jump in and att*ck you.



  298.  #299alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    295 emerson thank you. i will try those. i wll splurge the 4 extra dollars lol. what glue? the ardell as well?



  299.  #300GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 11:28 pm

    #282 Daria I love natural makeup too… some brands are very metallic & sparkly, & some really matte & hazy. I use almost totally natural all the time.

    #284 Sweetpea I agree with that too. Well said imo.

    #282 Daria Wonder what’s coming up for you in feeling this around alias girl’s posts? Maybe it relates also to your just being randomly attacked… which was also right during your feeling into your way of noticing how it feels when being betrayed? I feel sad for you to feel this way, and I hope you and alias girl can open the box and see what can be found in there of real leaarning and change for some part of the dynamic tonight?

    Ag, what do you think? Daria, waht do you think? Please feel free to tell me if you want me to mind my own business.

    I feel kind of excited yet scared, but trusting, to see what will come from this…? Maybe you two have a special piece for each other to locate some triggers or somethng that call to be healed? I feel interested and caring.



  300.  #301alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    #280 sweetpea that is very sweet thank you. i remeber when i used to post from my phone and it was really hard to keep track no less just post for myself.

    anyway it wasnt directed at anyone in particular. i feel curious you seem to feel so responsible.

    and anyway me sharing that brought people closer to me!!! so that is good!!

    maybe in your aloneness tonight if you share what you are going through you might feel more connected? what do you think?



  301.  #302Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    Yes sometimes they Ardell ones come with glue, sometimes you have to buy it separate. I got the DUO brand glue last time.
    I like the Ardell lashes #110 for a natural look.



  302.  #303Daria on September 26, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    omg reading daria i dont feel so fond of you either…

    i feel like attachking again!!!

    UG?H

    I FEEL SO MADDDDDDDDDDD

    now i feel giggly again

    i feel a lil bit scared

    i feel a lil bit excited!

    i feel giggly!!!

    it feels better than cover up giggly when i feel attachked and im not sure how to respond but choosing an attachk

    but underneath i feel scared

    this is more like giggly like omg i can just say how i feel and it feels good and i feel safe and

    amazing that i am actually EXPRESSING MYSELF

    sigh i feel excited and blessed

    and i want to go to sleep

    i still feel fuchkin mad

    again now

    sigh

    mmm

    he

    i feel kinda squeezy heart

    i love my squeezy heart

    i feel tignly in my teeth

    i feel mffff

    huhhhhhuhhuffffaf

    hehehe

    giggle



  303.  #304alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    299 gingersky i feel appreciative of the intent and the delicacy of your chosen words and even the curiousity but at this point i have no comment and dont really wish to discuss further. thank you though.



  304.  #305Daria on September 26, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    i feel ouchie in my heart now

    i feel sad

    awww

    huhhhuuhuh

    sigh

    pause

    expanding sideways now…

    giggling

    yawn

    wow i am healing i am healing

    yawh like BIG yawn



  305.  #306GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    #295 Daria I see it as simply being all the stuff that’s brought out by each other? Ag’s story of feeling manipulated is *her* story… i see you both taking on some energy from the other person’s story?

    I never see manipulation in you Daria… at all, imo… and what if y’all simply observe the stories and the triggers… what would that feel like? What’s in you that each other is touching a nerve on?

    I feel nervous right now, and like maybe I’m getting in your business… and I feel a little leftover of an old trigger in me to get people back to peace again (Mom & Dad fighting) BUT I’m not giving in to that trigger so much and letting it rule me or my actions much. I mostly feel excited and aprehensive to see what true revelations may come out.



  306.  #307GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    #302 alias girl I just saw this after posting my last. I hear you, and I get that. Am honoring it gladly now.



  307.  #308Starla on September 26, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    goodnight



  308.  #309Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    Alias Girl, et al…regarding lash application…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=qhQcEUsQ14w

    Sorry I’m still on this topic, y’all got me on a roll. I loves me some makeup talk! I do my full makeup just to go to the grocery store or to starbux!!! 😉



  309.  #310GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    I have stayed up WAAAY too late here… i promised myself (& my Mom lol) that i wouldnt do that tonight. Its heading toward 3am EST here.

    Love to you all… blessings, and many many thanks… I would’ve been much more of a mess inside without all this. Thank you alias girl, your advice and fun were amazing! And thank you Daria, you are awesome. And everyone else as well. Words cannot express… xxooxx

    Tomorrow. Big hugs!



  310.  #311Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 11:49 pm


  311.  #312GingerSky on September 26, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    (ag & sweetpea, it would annoy me to pieces to try & do this on a phone… wow… thank you for being willing to do that, omg. I am feeling kind of awed. I have so many diffucult navigations to do in life these days, i get that. love. Keep showing up…? It works in all of life. And is sometimes all that’s needed. I am thankful for evey person on here, & I too read nearly every word of everyone.)



  312.  #313alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    308 emerson that was a great video. and i loved the end with all her different lashes. she made lashes seem fun!

    i saved it to my favs 🙂



  313.  #314alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    309 gingersky hah blog addicted.

    have a good night. 🙂



  314.  #315Emerson on September 26, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    312 AG 🙂 makeup makes me feel happy.

    Gnite sirens

    zzzz



  315.  #316alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    307 goodnight starla!



  316.  #317alias girl on September 26, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    314 🙂 goodnight, emerson.



  317.  #318GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:06 am

    #277 alias girl I have seen so many things to respond to as I was leaving…

    alias girl, no I was NOT a groupie LOLOL! Not all actually! No judgment on any groupies, but i that wasnt my vibe lol.

    You ladies are getting penis crazy on here… ? Lol! And I’d suggest maybe being considerate of people’s religion etc in making fun with religious and faith-type words… just a thought and suggestion… so all is safe and comfortable for anyone to come hang out in peace & wholeness?

    Wanted to respnd more to those feeling lonely tonight etc… cuz I do too… breaking up is not my favorite way to spend the day, and before that I was writing to an old flame who is after 25 years wanting to know why I didnt get together with him… lotsa serious stuff on that one, *raw* long intense and deep and painful… so that’a pretty much all I’ve done *all* day (except for a nap, thank you G*d)… I’ve never had a day like this before. Drained, yet feeling pretty good.

    Ag, I am taking the feeling of your lovely warm caring and safe support, and fun fun awesome vibe & beauty talk into my dreamtime (very needed)… and Daria, your advice to know I can choose to feel terrible later if I want to is right in the forefront of my mind, strong like a beacon…. so needed. Love again to *all*, and to all a goodnight, with *much* appeciation.



  318.  #319GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:08 am

    #312 ag Lol, blog dependent, me! 😉 xo



  319.  #320Sweetpea on September 27, 2011 at 12:15 am

    Gingersky, re: 230,

    Weren’t you just saying on the last thread that you have a hard time feeling emotions? Basically, that you feel numb to them a lot? If I remember correctly, and you did, then this is a HUGE step for you.



  320.  #321Sweetpea on September 27, 2011 at 12:26 am

    Daria, re: 253 –

    OMG! I am laughing my a** off!

    When you wrote, “I feel kinda bad to be asked if I’ve had my brain checked”… I cannot stop laughing!!!

    Sorry, I might be a little bit delirious. Don’t know who this PP character is, but just the name makes me feel like warning sirens going off.

    Someone’s bored -and probably a little voyeuristic. Bet they’re gettin’ a kick out of all this insight into a women’s minds.

    Whatever. Rock on!!



  321.  #322Sweetpea on September 27, 2011 at 12:55 am

    EW, re: 269 –

    My comment was directed to Mel, but I feel gratified when my comments strike a chord with other Sirens, as well. I hope it will be helpful to you if you practice the exercise.

    I felt teary-eyed reading your thank you. Not sure why I’m being such a sissy lala, (but I like it). I guess it was just because I feel sooo great when my words are helpful. What’s the concept called? Awww yes… Pay it Forward. I find helpful things here all the time, from the newest Siren to the advanced. Happy to be able to pay it forward.



  322.  #323Esteemed on September 27, 2011 at 1:02 am

    Sweetpea,

    You are sounding so healthy and strong, emotionally! I feel encouraged! This is a woman who has done a serious amount of CDing, Sirens!

    You’re taking care of yourself and not letting men push you around. Eeven if he is the boss! You kept your self-respect and showed yourself to be the better person. You got out!



  323.  #324Esteemed on September 27, 2011 at 1:09 am

    My relationship is on the slow track. If. indeed I end up with r, he is all about a quality relationship, not an instant relationship. And I know its wise, but I feel impatient in my loneliness.



  324.  #325Sweetpea on September 27, 2011 at 1:20 am

    Esteemed,

    Thanks again. I’m feeling curious, when you say “This is a woman who has done a serious amount of CDing, Sirens!” are you referring to yourself, or me?

    I responded to this comment way up in the 100s I think, but I still feel curious. And thankful to you for the kind words.



  325.  #326Butterfly Wings on September 27, 2011 at 1:28 am

    Hello beautiful sirens! I’m thinking of buying the Reconnect program. I have Modern Siren and also Targeting Mr Right.

    Long story but I kind of ended things with TH yesterday and feel this horrible pain in my heart, and I really need to heal that. He’s still making regular contact so I don’t think he wants me out of his life just yet, so I thought that might be the best program?

    For those of you that have it, what do you think??



  326.  #327Butterfly Wings on September 27, 2011 at 1:29 am

    Hmmm or would commitment blueprint be better???



  327.  #328Butterfly Wings on September 27, 2011 at 1:41 am

    Ok, decided I need help NOW, so went with commitment blueprint – that way I have instant access. Feeling horrible right now, but relating very closely to Lili and her situation.

    Even though I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I feel less alone.

    Last night I spent my first night alone in a LONG time. Both my kids were away and after ending things with TH yesterday morning, I had to be tough with him and stick to my boundaries. It was sooo hard, and I ended up drinking so I had an excuse not to go see him! Eeeek!

    Really tempted to do that again tonight, but I think he’s out and I hate that he is and I need to stop thinking about him and put my focus back on ME!

    I feel scared too. He hinted that he had some wonderful things planned for my 40th birthday, and now I am scared I’m going to spend that day totally alone because I’ve ended our imaginary relationship.

    I also feel scared that I’m going to start thinking that my imaginary relationship with him is better than no relationship at all. Ick! I want that thought to go away! I can NEVER be happy with an imaginary relationship. I’d rather be happy alone than sad in an imaginary relationship.

    Ok I’m waffling now… argh! I feel like crying but can’t. My daughter’s here and I don’t want her to freak out. Might have a silent cry later. I really want to get into these feelings…

    Will go now and watch Reconnect… maybe that will help…



  328.  #329Aurora Girl on September 27, 2011 at 2:56 am

    228 AG

    thank you so much for posting that Abraham Video! I loved it !

    Good morning Chickies! looked like a busy night on the blog last night……..and a fly on the wall too (PP)….lol that’s how good and fun our island is…….the laughter and sister hood can be heard from miles away drawing all kinds…………

    ……sending beams of coloured light and sprinkling sparkling siren dust by the sea, by the sand…in the woods, in the city streets, in the park, on the subway…….. before everyone wakes………look for it today…..share it…….it will bring smiles and fill your heart!

    xo



  329.  #330Aurora Girl on September 27, 2011 at 2:57 am

    lol
    ….. and EW

    sprinkling a lunch hour sparkle dusting your way too……lol

    xo



  330.  #331Aurora Girl on September 27, 2011 at 3:34 am

    Butterfly wings.

    I just wanted to reach out and be present with you in how you’re feeling…………I hope the last few hours have been ok………you sound strong in the midst of feeling fragile……….I feel softness in reading your words and how you want to look after yourself……..you’re loving you no matter what……….

    xo and hugs



  331.  #332Butterfly Wings on September 27, 2011 at 3:47 am

    Aww thank you AG. I do feel very fragile but I’ve been through a hell of a lot worse, so I KNOW I can get through this.

    TH has asked me to go see him tonight and I said no. I just don’t think I’d be strong enough to be alone with him right now,. And I REALLY want to get through as much of Reconnect as I can before I talk to him next! Hopefully I’ll pick up some tips!!

    He’s not happy with me and told me to “stop it”. I suppose he hates that I’m “rejecting” him. Sadly it’s the imaginary relationship I’m rejecting – not him. He is who I want to be with, but not on the current terms. I value myself too much for that.

    Ok, going to learn more from Rori now! 😉



  332.  #333sammie sighs on September 27, 2011 at 3:47 am

    Wow what a great article but holy moly I would run scared lol!! I realise the reason I stayed with Mr P was because I knew he wouldnt commit when it came to the crunch and the fact it was long distance meant that I could still be me single have best of both worlds but when he started getting serious I was like woah thats not meant to happen !! My ex husband done a whole lot of damage but Im realising I have been scared of being SERIOUS of commiting again of opening up and loving again!! But I would like to try Im so tired of propping this big wall up its exhausting I want to be my old soft gooey self but so very scared !!!



  333.  #334Ella on September 27, 2011 at 3:52 am

    Ladies Good Morning (well only just – I slept in really late! he he)

    I woke up feeling refreshed and good, and no longer worried about any of the issues from last night!

    Yay.

    I love this blog.

    Today I will be mainly going slowly, smiling and delivering some flyers for my work.

    Who knows I may actually start to earn some good money again soon!

    xoxox



  334.  #335Aurora Girl on September 27, 2011 at 4:03 am

    Good morning Sammie, Ella….Butterfly…..

    listen to us chickies! oh the moments we get scared are amazing aren’t they? totally show us what we can feel and handle and move through…….lol sometimes feels like a roller coaster……

    I love Rori’s programs for helping us feel vulnerable and yet move into our softness and loving ourselves and keeping ourselves tuned into how we feel….such a gold mine to know how we feel…….

    the sun has yet to shine here in mid Canada yet…but I know it will…..feels like it’s going to be a great day!

    xo



  335.  #336Ella on September 27, 2011 at 4:32 am

    (((((Butterfly Wings)))))

    Hello Aurora Girl in Canada.

    🙂

    xoxo



  336.  #337Aurora Girl on September 27, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Ella

    Are you taking a Zumba class or leading one? I tried it last fall and loved it……moved my hips and woke them up! It is so much fun….love the music and how it made me feel!!!



  337.  #338Ella on September 27, 2011 at 4:43 am

    Aurora Girl,

    I teach Zumba 🙂



  338.  #339Aurora Girl on September 27, 2011 at 4:53 am

    That’s so cool! I’m in awe…that’s not easy!!
    xox



  339.  #340Aurora Girl on September 27, 2011 at 4:55 am

    Chickies……

    More sprinkling siren dust….check out this siren…she rocks! Sara B. doing “gotta get over you”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUe3oVlxLSA



  340.  #341Mel on September 27, 2011 at 5:06 am

    I woke up with a clearer head, feeling more sireny again today.

    I realized something… I’m being too hard on myself. This is all just practice. FUN practice. Sexy Sarcastic is fun to be with and he shows me some affection, so I should just have fun with that. Enjoy it. Not worry about what it means or how long that affection will continue. I just want to revel in the moments as they come and appreciate them for what they are. My focus will be on attracting more of those “moments” with him and others around me, not worrying about when/if they will stop. This is all LOA, I think.

    And… I don’t even think I need to worry. I am an amazing goddess… yes, even a “curious” interesting and beautiful goddess. I’m looking forward to my date tonight. I just know that regretful architect will be VERY happy that I decided to forgive his snap judgement and agree to meet with him. 🙂



  341.  #342English Woman on September 27, 2011 at 5:35 am

    # 96 Ella

    “Just something that Computer guy said when we were having that dicsussion the other day and he was using an example and he kept saying ‘Sl8tty Ella, how would you like it if people called you Sl8tty Ella?’”

    Who the hell gives him the right to speak to you like this? What about “It feels bad to be spoken to like this.” and leave the room………

    He sounds like one of those people you don’t want as an enemy with his computer knowledge, so get rid of his news feeds on FB, avoid him if you are out and about and hopefully he will just fizzle away out of your life…….



  342.  #343Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 5:37 am

    Sounds good Mel. As Rori says, when you are on those dates keep saying FUN FUN FUN in your head.



  343.  #344English Woman on September 27, 2011 at 5:39 am

    #108 Sweepea

    My daughter’s friend is like that, she says “NEXT” – always reminds me of waiting for the next bus or train, hey maybe that is a good analogy. 😀



  344.  #345Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 6:07 am

    Ella says “I always used to pride myself on being ‘good’ and ‘faithful’ and ‘loyal’.

    Be that to yourself and for yourself. Why should you do that for everyone else but yourself? As someone said think of it like guys liking the new car scent. When it wears off they want to change the car. Someone mentioned it earlier and I have read a male coach who said something similar. I have also heard a coach talk about how astute guys are at shopping for relationships but we spend more time and effort shopping for jeans than we do to get the relationship we want. Why should you settle with the first man who might just want you as his girlfriend “for now” while he continues looking. Be loyal to yourself and what feels good for you. Anyone who calls me that name I would just say thank you and move along.



  345.  #346Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 6:09 am

    Ella I with EW. Who the hell made him the authority on who you are and your character? Is he the only person in the world and why would you need his approval on your worth anyway? He is only one floppy jelly fish in the wide wide sea of possibilities.



  346.  #347Daria on September 27, 2011 at 6:09 am

    wow i dreamt well there was one part i was in this world like a videogame world looking like where everything was getting swallowed up by water…

    there was only like the top tier of this pyramid poking out

    and i landed there from my spaceship or cloud or something i was flying in in

    and then i talked to the ocean to see if i could convince it to retreat

    then later i was at a store and plahying basketball with these 2 guys and i was whoopin them

    and then i wanted something from the counter and one of them – they were both my friends – had all the money and i was tryna convince him to get it for me and he didnt seem to really want to and i felt – well a familiar feeling i feell

    and then i was tryina find a place to stay and i found this house where

    artists and religious women were staying and i was saying how it mihgt not be right for me because i want to bring men over and play loud music

    and there was something with ninjas, too, like i was the favoirte of a ninja master… but then something happened and we split and he made a new circle

    and i was like i dont know why i dont feel comfortable with the religious types

    and then someobody says because you love the beautiful sea witch Yemaya and i was like yes thanks for keeping me honest i was afraid of saying that

    and i think i did convince the ocean to retreat by talking to her actually



  347.  #348sammie sighs on September 27, 2011 at 6:09 am

    Hello Aurora Girl back x

    Yeah sunny in England too:-) Yes I love the way I am learning to melt and stay in tune with my feelings its been along time that I have kept myself hidden and protected now time to test the waters again..



  348.  #349Daria on September 27, 2011 at 6:28 am

    ok i feel good and super surprised that AG said to me… get it out girl…

    i feel excited

    and i feel super vulnerable

    and hesitant

    i feel shut down again reading ‘disrespected’

    mph

    that feels like squeezing in my throat on the right side

    i feel scared now of posting this this way instead of addressing the poster i felt triggered by when she said she felt weird last time being written about in 3rd person

    i feel all tightened up now

    it would feel good to feel safe again

    i feel scared

    i don’t feel safe to address AG directly

    i don’t know what to say

    umff

    im feeling kinda tired in my body



  349.  #350Lyka on September 27, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Good morning (or afternoon) to you all!

    I can’t get over the fact that one of the girl in my HIIT class has lost an inch and a half in three weeks! And I can already see the changes in her body! I just love it!



  350.  #351Lyka on September 27, 2011 at 7:23 am

    Daria – #347:

    “i feel scared now of posting this this way instead of addressing the poster i felt triggered by when she said she felt weird last time being written about in 3rd person”

    Daria, you should probably try and think how you would feel if someone referred to you in the 3rd person. I know I would feel invisible, wouldn’t you?



  351.  #352tinque on September 27, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Ella – In re: #115 – Awareness is key, for you now have something to work with.It may take some time to unravel these old beliefs, but you can if you want to, and it seems as though you do.

    Notice when the thoughts arise, and just like with the nvs, send them on their way, or thank them for their presence, and ask them to go to a room far away in the outer edges of your being.

    Little bit by little bit you can heal this too.

    xxoo



  352.  #353Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Hey Sirens,
    I feel frustrated in general today with the whole CDing thing because I’m starting to just not care. I dont’ feel a sparkle or desire to even flirt.

    Feeling a bit flat today. Annoyed with men that I’ve come accross that seems they are just never happy with what’s in front of them…they’re always looking for another girl. At least that’s how it seems. Like why would you cheat? Because you’re never happy with what you have, like a spoiled little kid who always needs a new toy.

    Feeling judgmental and negative atm.



  353.  #354Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 8:27 am

    I havent heard back from FO3CD (father of 3) and Recycled and I have been playing phone tag…mainly becaues I have not been picking up because I hate our phone conversations. They feel rushed and annoying. I feel bad after hanging up with him a lot. I am so annoyed with him right now for not making more of an effort to see me.



  354.  #355Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 8:33 am

    haha I’m doing an experiment. I just sent recycled a text stating how I feel, and if he decides he doesn’t want to talk to me then fine!! Who freaking cares?



  355.  #356tinque on September 27, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Hey Tmizz 🙂

    xxoo



  356.  #357Senior lady Vibe on September 27, 2011 at 8:45 am

    I am very cheered and excited about the green grass coming up in the gardens. Last week was very rainy; the cover areas under the trees went from raked earth to an inch of grass overnight! Wow!

    When I saw that it seemed like a miracle and I thought about Rori’s words that things can change on a dime. The grass sure did!

    This morning, there are at least three inches of growth! In autumn! It goes to show that it’s never too late.

    If planet Earth can do that, maybe men who will become our beloved soulmates can find us too in short order no matter how “parched earth” things look at the moment and no matter what season of life we are in.

    Yay!

    😀

    xoxo



  357.  #358tinque on September 27, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Starla – I’m rolling…

    “…a nice purple penis in the crease. PRETTY!”

    xxoo



  358.  #359Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 8:52 am

    My comment from yesterday is still in moderation! I think it’s because I said dr&gstore.



  359.  #360Tmizz on September 27, 2011 at 9:08 am

    🙂



  360.  #361tinque on September 27, 2011 at 9:11 am

    You must be a bad, bad girl Emerson… lol (you do know I’m joking, yes?)

    I LOVE being a BAD girl, am one every chance I get..teehee

    xxoo



  361.  #362tinque on September 27, 2011 at 9:12 am

    SLV – have been missing you. xxoo



  362.  #363Tmizz on September 27, 2011 at 9:13 am

    Starla re 181: (“urgh My Guy (aka my ex boyfriend that i just broke up with) is calling me.”)

    I know what you mean! It’s like every time you tell a guy “no,” they almost take it as like a challenge. They want to work harder to get you! Even when what you really mean is, “No.” They think they can change your mind! Whereas, sometimes, when you say “yes,” they might think it’s too easy or something. guys. It’s like we have to use reverse psychology on them or something, without playing games. But if you really mean no, and if you really don’t respond for a while, then eventually he will give up and move on. I hope!

    But doesn’t it feel good to be wanted? 🙂

    (p.s. I didn’t realize you were Dorothea! Hi!)



  363.  #364Tmizz on September 27, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Ooh, I’m a bad girl! Very bad. So bad, it’s good 😉



  364.  #365turquoise on September 27, 2011 at 9:17 am

    Hi everyone!!! 🙂 Starting to feel really settled into the new house, a bit more energized, and a little more interested in having some romance in my life. For the past few months, I was too tired and preoccupied to even think about it.

    My ex will have the girls this weekend, so thinking I’ll call up a few friends and plan a girls night. I haven’t been out in months. I also need a haircut, maybe some color…. and a little glitz, like a new pair of earrings.

    Feels good, like I’m waking up a bit, open to the possibilities, and might put my online profile back up. I don’t want to get consumed with dating sites, trying to meet men, etc. I’m not willing to spend so much time online anymore, want to be out in the world, would be nice to meet someone organically for a change 🙂 BUT, I don’t have anything against online dating, and maybe my new zip code will bring a few new men into my search.

    Hope everyone is well and happy! 🙂 I’m trying to catch up on posts.



  365.  #366Emoticon on September 27, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Good morning Sirens!

    I have a situation here where my CDs r really questioning my not leaning forward. I know quite a few of you have probably been in this situation. Can anyone tell me how they dealt with it. This guy txts me everyday several times a day and calls me every few days but he just asked me why I never call him.



  366.  #367Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 9:24 am

    LOL Hi Tinque 🙂



  367.  #368Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 9:27 am

    gah I just re-read my reply to FO3 and it sounds like a robot. 🙄
    I dunno. He will probably flake out again and then apologize later…in which caseo I will never reply to him again.
    Whenever I feel like this, I feel like going out and spending a bunch of $$$ on botox, clothes, boots, makeup.
    But I won’t cuz I am paying off bills. 😀



  368.  #369Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 9:29 am

    I think my mom has a problem with spending $ and that’s where I get it. She does it to feel like she’s taking care of herself I think. That;s why I do it, like “See?? Somebody cares! ME! I buy myself cool sh8t!”



  369.  #370Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 9:31 am

    I feel hate toward recycledCD right now. I want him to suffer and feel like a chump. I want to play games with his feelings and I would feel so much satisfaction. I’m evil sometimes.



  370.  #371rebecca on September 27, 2011 at 9:48 am

    i recently met a guy online and we had such a good time when we met i’m wanting to ask him out again but it’s only been a week,should i leave it abit longer or do i just go ahead and see what he’s doing..i don’t want to scare him away though if you see what i mean..early days and things….



  371.  #372Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Rebecca I would assume that if you invite him out you might scare him. I would allow him to lead.



  372.  #373Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Emoticon I say I am old fashioned and feel comfortable when the man leads. However, after someone sets up a pattern of contact for a while and starts asking me to call, I do. I believe if they are really interested they will need some type of encouragement to know you are interested too. Some guys don’t mind calling most of the times as long as we respond well to the calls. I have one who calls all the time now and sings to me. He told me this morning that he wants to sing in person next time because he is working hard to get me some goosebumps.



  373.  #374Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 9:58 am

    Welcome back turquoise. Great to read your update.



  374.  #375Emoticon on September 27, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Thank You FW. And he calls n sings 2 u, that’s so like awwwwww 🙂



  375.  #376Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 10:04 am

    In retrospect I remembered the aaawww. I asked him why twice before I caught myself and said I don’t know why I am asking that you don’t have to answer. He told me though that he believes I am worthy.



  376.  #377Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 10:06 am

    From Innerbonding:-

    One of the most challenging experiences we all have, is when someone we care deeply about completely misunderstands us, and is angry about what they assume is going on. This is when we need to feel our loneliness, heartbreak and helplessness with deep compassion toward ourselves, and allow the pain to move through us, so that it doesn’t get stuck in resentment.



  377.  #378Sweetpea on September 27, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Mel, re: 341 –

    Funny. I woke up thinking that I worry too much about where things are going and need to just enjoy things where they are. Then I jump on here and read basically the same thing from you. We must be on the same wavelength today! 😀

    Glad you’re feeling better today.



  378.  #379Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 10:36 am

    Ok feeling less hateful now. I have been taking some deep breaths.
    I really don’t want to hurt Recycled. Just lashing out here on the blog. I guess better here than directly at him or anyone else.
    Thanks sirens. 🙂



  379.  #380Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 10:41 am

    Thanks FW for this:
    “One of the most challenging experiences we all have, is when someone we care deeply about completely misunderstands us, and is angry about what they assume is going on. This is when we need to feel our loneliness, heartbreak and helplessness with deep compassion toward ourselves, and allow the pain to move through us, so that it doesn’t get stuck in resentment.”



  380.  #381GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 10:49 am

    #380 Emerson FW yes, thanks for this, and thanks for reposting here.

    Bc of being on here so much with so many of you last night, I was just able to do a pretty darn good job imo of replying to NSMs email today with FMs… with confidence, honesty and little or no blame between the lines (i hope). I’m to blame too, and he’s jsut feeling cold & disengaged and wanting to process it through so he can say focused on his work… ak… but so be it. I feel sad… and angry/frustrated… loss… but a million times better and more functional/grounded than I would if I hadn’t been on this blog lots.

    Also found this, and can’t buy right now, but it looks very inriguing and possibly great… so wanted to share:
    http://www.relationshipsaver.org



  381.  #382GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 10:52 am

    #358 Tinque Lol! hee hee



  382.  #383Daria on September 27, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Lyka – wow i feel kinda angry reading that

    defensive

    yes one thing that comes up for me often in my family is that i often feel very angry when people are talking about me in 3rd person in my presence

    sometimes when people have posted stuff about me here in 3rd person and it felt good, i felt good



  383.  #384alias girl on September 27, 2011 at 11:00 am

    daria i actually feel bullied when addressed negatively in a public forum in the third person. but i cant control your behavior. but that is how i feel and it feels awful.

    i feel tugged at at someone’s whim. i feel even less responsive. and i feel shut down.

    i do not want to feel bullied.

    i feel awful to have other people get involved and “take sides”

    i dont want to be dragged into this drama.

    i do not want to feel bullied. i do not want people taking sides against me (or for me)

    i do not want to be involved in some weird dynamic.

    please leave my name out of it.

    again i cant control your behavior but it would be nice to feel/be respected.

    blech. i feel very blech.



  384.  #385Daria on September 27, 2011 at 11:02 am

    i feel pist off!!!

    i feel all defensive

    and i feel sad!

    i don’t want to be told what i should probably do!

    i feel tingly in my shoulder

    i feel tight in my thighs

    i feel tight in my tummy

    i feel like attachking and i don’t want to do that

    i feel like a frowny face

    i love my frowny face

    and that feels like giggling

    i love my tingling thigh

    and that feels like sigh

    i love my sigh

    i feel confused and unsafe

    i feel compelled to ‘explain’ my process

    sigh

    omg

    i feel punchy punchy

    i feel tingling in my teeth

    i love the tingling in my teeth

    that feels like laughing

    hehe

    i love my laughing

    that feels like tingling under my shoulderblade

    i love the tingling under my shoulder blade

    i aim imagining it as a dragon egg that is hatching

    hehe



  385.  #386GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:02 am

    #351 Lyka Daria & Ag Just for the record, I don’t feel anything bad when someone refers to me in the third person. Just for the record, not everyone feels that bad feeling in that moment, so I don’t think it can be *assumed* that it’s just automatically offensive, wrong, or to be corrected or blamed or judged, etc.

    As a person on the planet and who’s in contact with other people, I’m part of their environment just as they’re part of mine… I understand why some would feel offended about it, but seriously, it could just as easily be said imo that that offendedness is self-centered, controlling and egotistical, and definitely egocentric? Blame and chastisement and honest expression could just as easily and justifiably be given in that direction as well imo! I’m not very sorry if this “offends” anybody. I invite you to join me in feeling your feelings and growing from them rather than trying to control someone else’s behavior in order to make yourself more comfortable and not have to look at and feel & face the feelings, etc.

    If it’s gonna be said that it’s wrong, then I’d like to provide the balance and perspective, and state my honest feelings on it. It triggers me that this issue is up, and I have judgments on it too, fwiw.

    Swallow the chicken and spit out the bones…and if it doesn’t fit, give it the slip – or look honestly at what it brings up for *you*? If you dislike a comment, why not keep rolling along to another one that you like better? I am def feeling triggered about this… although I value & appreciate you all very very much!



  386.  #387Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 11:03 am

    Featured Topic: What You Should Say When He….

    1) …Says something you don’t like Your response: “That doesn’t make me happy.”
    Oh, I can see you rolling your eyes. You’re probably pretty certain how he’ll respond. He might laugh or say he doesn’t care. You’re probably right.

    But the trick is to outlast his bad behavior. Remain distant until he approaches you later. When he acts like nothing is wrong say to him, “I’m still upset about what you did (said).” Now you’ll have his attention.

    He will start to learn that whenever he is rude, inappropriate or bullying, that you won’t simply ignore that bad behavior. He’ll need to apologize or you’ll retain your distance.

    2) …Says, “You Look Great!”
    Your Response: No words, just smile at him for 3 seconds. I put this on my list because most women tend to minimize compliments. One reason that
    they do this is that they don’t want others (particularly men) to think they are conceited.

    The problem is that when a man gives you something, even a quick compliment, he doesn’t want you to turn him down. Remember, giving is masculine and receiving is feminine. So when a man gives you a compliment, just relax and enjoy it. He wouldn’t say these words
    unless he meant them.

    3) …Expresses Doubts About Your Relationship
    Your Response: “OK I understand.” It takes a lot of courage to simply state, “OK I understand,” because your fears will be screaming at you inside your head.

    There is an important reason why you should respond this way. If a man has expressed doubts about your relationship, he most likely no longer feels you are a mystery. Memorize this phrase “Men despise what comes easy and crave what they can’t get.”

    In this situation, if you respond to his doubts with this pleasant and accommodating answer, he will start to feel as though maybe he doesn’t understand you as well as he thought he did. Perhaps you are a mystery to him after all. By responding this way you will arouse his curiosity and diminish his fears.

    The confident woman that men adore and never want to leave never begs or pleads with a man to stay with her. It takes courage to maintain your dignity when you’re sacred but, those women that have learned how to put their heart first unanimously say that the
    results are worth it.

    Bob Grant



  387.  #388GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:05 am

    #384 alias girl This is totally awesome imo… and it is bringing tears to my eyes… sweet… Bravo to you. Wow. Nice.



  388.  #389GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:06 am

    I mean Brava 😉



  389.  #390Sweetpea on September 27, 2011 at 11:06 am

    SLV, re: 357 (or thereabouts) –

    Love this analogy. I feel amazed that the grass would grow so tall, so lush in autumn – and so quickly. Very cool! If it were anywhere else but here that I read this, I might feel skeptical. It seems like such a miracle.



  390.  #391GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:08 am

    #387 FW A-W-E-S-O-M-E ! ! ! *Thank you*



  391.  #392GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:13 am

    #346 FW Thanks, I really need that today here.



  392.  #393GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:16 am

    #386 I am glad I can get triggered here… never happened before. I am in a break up and it feels painful and sad and empty and sharded… like someone I love and who is very unique and needed is dying and there is nothing I can do about it. This triggeredness feels like some blocked energy… I have to go, very busy actually right now, & meetings, appointments etc happening all at once and can;t do them all… and NSM saying hurtful cold things imo… I will riff later or tomorrow. It is time.



  393.  #394Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 11:20 am

    It was posted with you in mind Emerson, glad it helped.



  394.  #395Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Welcome GingerSky



  395.  #396GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:22 am

    I believe I ma getting upset abut something else, deflecting, bc I can’t stand to feel my feelings about NSm right now. It feels like a well of tears coming up from my belly deep and hurtful… I have to function today. Just got a call for a 2-hour massage. I wish people would call in advance… this person probably couldn’t know they’d be in town till just now.

    I am feeling terrible… Daria, I remember your advice, I can feel terrible later if I want to. That is seeing me through in many ways. And helping a lot.

    I need to eat some food. I feel angry. And scared. And helpless. And misunderstood, and upended by NSMs objectivity about me/us… and his intelligent and sharp way of regarding all this, as he stays focused on his work and feels little or no vulnerability or need or desire… jsut a little sadness in the background. he is so impersonal imo. I feel hate toward that way of being.



  396.  #397GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:24 am

    #395 Thanks FW… I love your posts & your perspective too. xox



  397.  #398Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 11:24 am

    Just yesterday I was thinking how peaceful and flowy it has been on the blog for a while. No negative spats. Now here we are in what seems like the middle of another one. I am wondering if experimenting with Gay Hendricks style of commitment could work. We might have an unconscious commitment to getting into drama in the name of speaking our feelings. Maybe making a commitment to creating more love rather than engaging in drama could help. I acknowledge that expressing anger can create intimacy but that is not the only way. If the pattern remains the same it eventually becomes boring.



  398.  #399GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:27 am

    #320 Sweetpea Yes, it is, **thank you** Usually when I finally do feel feelings, it overtakes me and I hav eto go to bed and just lay there… can’t function. You all are helping me so much… this is new territory for me, and bc I feel so much other stuff all the time, I thought it was my feelings I was feeling. But now I know it was not. Was only “impressions”… sensations outside of me… fanciful lyrical ideas and not really my *feelings* at all! Ugh.

    Thank you for noticing and for saying that.



  399.  #400Daria on September 27, 2011 at 11:28 am

    alias i feel so pist at you!

    i don’t want to read what you have to say i feel like shutting down and also scared of feeling even more angry

    i feel HORRIBLY PIST AFTER LAST TIME I FELT SOOO HUMILIATED reading those words THAT I FEEL LIKE

    UGH I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO KICK YOUR ASS truthfully

    I FELT TOTALLY BETRAYED

    i felt so humiliated

    i mean i FUICKHIN ADORED YOU… i thought of you as one of my best friends and imagined how much fun we would have together and if i ever came to visit LA i would hit you up and thinking that even though sometimes you feel mistrustful of people you would totally get along with me

    !! and then i felt Like totally BETRAYED

    omg

    and you don’t owe me anything – not even respect or kindness – just cuz i was having this imaginary friendship with you

    and i feel so humiliated and awful

    omg

    i seriously feel like i CANT HANDLE IT!!

    i can’t handle feeling this fuchkin angry!!

    and i can handle it

    i am handling it

    it’s ok to feel angry

    i love my anger that feels like outrage and lava and

    i don’t even have a word for how rageful i feel

    i love my rage

    writing this is going to heal me

    when this comes up for me

    in my life

    and i feel curious about that

    and i want to heal

    and i feel sad

    now

    and i feel tight in my arm and tingly in my shoulder and under my shouler plate

    i feel tight in my cheeks

    ugh i want to kick someone’s aSSSSSSS

    i feel ashamed!!!!

    of feeling all violent!

    🙁

    i love my feelings!

    huhuhhufff

    i love my huhuhhufff

    i feel scared!!!

    i love my fear

    i feel sad

    i love my sadness

    i feel like im split open in a gash from chest to tummy

    i feel sobby now

    (wow! i feel surprised)

    im feeling calm

    i still feel tight in my tummy

    i love the tightness in my tummy

    huhh huh

    huhhuhhuhhh

    i feel sad!

    i feel scared of being out of control in a rage!

    i love my fear

    i feel tight in my jaw

    i feel like fainiting

    i feel sad

    i feel sobbing

    wout tears

    i feel tingly and pinched on my tongue

    itslike lil lions biting on my tongue

    i feel giggly

    mmmmm

    i love my mmm

    i feel deaf in one ear

    i love my deafness in one ear

    hehehefff

    i love my hehehefff

    i feel so excited to be babystepping to heal my fear of conflict ish!

    this is it!

    it feels incredible im really doing this

    hehehem

    i love this magical ass blog

    heheheheemmm

    i still feel tight in my heart thinking of alias girl

    uhoh!

    i feel lost

    i feel voices telling me to address alias girl as that’s what she’d like

    and this is not about her

    its about me processing big time lifetime ish

    and its for me

    not for influencing other people

    i don’t care what other people want from me – that’s not true, thats a push away

    i feel SCAREd is what’s happening

    i feel like pushing people away

    and i don’t want to do that

    i want to remain open

    i feel sad and scared

    i don’t want to address soemone if im not really addressing them

    im just talking about what im experiencing

    and im rememembering how i feel shut down from addressing people when i feel angry

    adn maybe that’s whats coming up now?

    Alias girl – sorry for triggering yhou with the 3rd person ish

    im doing the best i can to heal here

    my patterns are when i feel angry at someone i feel like i don’t even want to look them in the eye, let alone speak to them and be vulnerable

    fufufuffufhfhhhhh

    i love my fufufufuffhhhh

    i am feeling more open

    i just feel like, this person HURT ME , so they are NOT SAFE for me to BE VULNERABLE

    and i want to change this

    i want to shift this

    sigh

    oh i am shifting this now just typing and that feels like

    well right now it feels like yawning and giggling

    Alias Girl – i feel much more happy and open now. i feel shocked to feel this way actually

    i feel tingly in my mouth

    huhhhuhhuhhhh

    i love my huhhhuhhuhh

    🙂

    really?

    like i really am feleng good now
    ?

    i feel incredulous

    i want to eat my lil horn cookie

    ok i jsut did

    i feel scared to post and go read other posts



  400.  #401Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 11:28 am

    RE 396 Hate has strong vibrations that can drag you down. Is that what you really want to create GingerSky. Just reading the word is creating some rattling in my psyche because of the energy around the word Have you questioned your thinking to see if you are really feeling hate toward that way of being? Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to action. Thoughts create things.



  401.  #402GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:30 am

    And Sweetpea, I am amused and intrigued by the numbers of our messages… 230 & 320, lol… numbers intrigue me… the guy I mentioned yesterday who wanted to marry me the first day got me way more interested in noticing numbers… I see certain numbers over and over all the time on things, like lots of people do.

    But back into my feelings… maybe I can think of numbers while giving this massage so I dont; feel my feelings for that time slot. Didn’t want to do anything like that today, at all. Not good for me. But good for my wallet.



  402.  #403GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 11:31 am

    I have to go y’all. Later, love & blessings to all.



  403.  #404Daria on September 27, 2011 at 11:31 am

    GingerSKY –

    for me, there is no such thing as objectivity. there are only perceptions.

    that feels good to me and makes it easier to shift judgements.



  404.  #405Daria on September 27, 2011 at 11:40 am

    FeminineWoman – i feel misunderstood and juged…and i feel sad angry and helpless 🙁

    and scared to post that

    i feel like moving away shuting down, judging and throwing things around

    i feel defensive

    i feel all tightened up!

    i feel squeezy heart



  405.  #406alias girl on September 27, 2011 at 11:40 am

    daria i felt betrayed also.

    i felt disrespected.

    i felt unsafe and unheard.

    i had mentioned that the blog relationships were imaginary. and i was told no no they are real.

    well to me yes in the sense that they bother me when something goes awry. but no in the sense that they dont feel real and someone can say they adore me and yet still exhibit no accountability for their behavior toward me.

    i tried with you many times and then i felt done. i still feel a little done. sometimes i want to respond to something you write and i feel like it would be spitting in the wind. i felt so little return on my investment that it felt easier to just let it go.

    i believe it just a matter of different personalities. no one is right or wrong. some things i feel attracted to. and some things no.



  406.  #407Sweetpea on September 27, 2011 at 11:41 am

    Gingersky, re: 386 –

    I have to say, after having been through some conflicts here and involved in one or two of them myself, I have to agree with you. It was a very healing experience for me to talk about it, express my feelings (well sometimes it was just pure emotion – not a FM from me in sight) and in some cases, flat out go to battle.

    Lately I see the logic and wisdom in what my Dad says (love him so much after a lot of going to battle with him, too): “let’s get the sh*t out on the table. It may stink, but at least we’ll all know what we’re dealing with.”

    It’s worked wonders for him and me. I’m not “getting my dog in on this fight,” (another of my Dad’s sayings), I’m just saying, this feels like the safest place in the world to have a conflict. And I know I’m gonna need conflict resolution skills a times (hopefully not often) when I’m in happily ever after, so bring it on! Heehee- not really. I’ll still avoid it as much as I can.



  407.  #408Daria on September 27, 2011 at 11:43 am

    when i read “i don’t want to feel bullied” i feel pist off and defensive

    i feel furious and outraged and SCARED –

    i feel terrified that people will read that and start thinking that about me

    and i don’t want that

    it feels scary,

    like i will not feel seen and feel misunderstood and then be ganged up against and attachked by multiple people

    i feel unsafe

    i feel like i want help!!



  408.  #409Daria on September 27, 2011 at 11:45 am

    alias girl! – i feel so pist reading i tried with yhou many times and i felt done

    i feel totally lost and i feel like im being thrown away

    i feel so rageful omg!!!

    UGGHHHHH



  409.  #410Daria on September 27, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Rori i feel like i’m being attacked in this interaction with Alias Girl.

    Am i healing here or what do u thnk? i feel so pist and i feel like i cant handle it

    i feel like my teeth are vibrating

    can you help with anything here?



  410.  #411Daria on September 27, 2011 at 11:48 am

    oops that was supposed to go to Rori.



  411.  #412Sweetpea on September 27, 2011 at 11:52 am

    AG, Gingersky &Emerson,

    Meant to post this last night, but here’s a little makeup trick… Line the inside of your lid with a white pencil. I got mine at Ulta. They’re not as easy to find as the color liners, but it’s worth it if you want to give it a try. Makes your eyes appear brighter.



  412.  #413Daria on September 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    i don’t want to tolerate feeling so damn intense

    hanging in there – is all masculine

    i feel like ripping your head off Alias Girl, and i dont want to do that

    i feel sad

    and i don’t want to deal with feeling JUDGED and FURIOUS

    i feel heartbroken and humliated reading that stuff about how it was imaginary since it’s on blog etc

    i feel humiliated that i thought of someone as my friend who did not

    ugh

    how horribly horribly humiliating that feels

    this is all my stuff i can see that

    ive felt this in real life before

    i feel lik ecrying

    i feel helpless!

    *I* feel like im being bullied and my vulnerability is being stepped on

    and *I* feel like im being manipulated and made to look all bad and ish

    and i feel helpless

    i feel like i can’t defend myself

    i feel sobby

    i want Rori to help me and i feel scared that will shortcut my healing process and it likely won’t

    i feel achy hearted and lonely

    i feel so lonely

    i feel heartbroken

    i feel more sobbing

    omg all these past traumas

    how did i get here with all tehese people treating me so bad!!!!!

    i feel distant, like theres a wind between me and their voices, and im reatreated inside myself and just hear them faintly

    like it’s not real, im somehwere not here

    and im hcrying

    i feel so angry

    i hate hate hate hate this

    i feel so agnry to be feeling this way

    and humliiated

    i feel like attachking

    i feel so helpless

    omg this is all just my energies coming out

    that’s whyt his triggered me and this is happening

    to heal me

    sigh

    i feel a bit relieved

    ahhh

    i felt my heart breakng

    wow

    i still feel scared

    i feel kinda blank

    i need to drink some water

    i feel lonely

    i feel unsure

    i feel lost

    i feel fluttery heart

    it’s over now the intense feeling

    my tongue still feels tight

    i feel like im trying to push my spirit out of the top of my head

    i feel like im gonna faint and kinda nauseus



  413.  #414Emerson on September 27, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    412 Sweetpea I like that idea thank you!



  414.  #415Daria on September 27, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    obviously I AM healing



  415.  #416Daria on September 27, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    i feel a lil shaky but i guess i Can handle it



  416.  #417GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    #412 (back on for a bit… cancelled my participation in a meeting so can do the massage later)

    Sweetpea, I forgot about that! Used to have a white one long ago… thanks for little trick, I like!



  417.  #418Emoticon on September 27, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Conflict….. *screams*



  418.  #419GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    $407 Sweetpea Yes! I get this that you say here, and I agree.

    And I’d likely *love* your Dad, lol! (Is he willing to move into our honest communication intentional community here… does he need a vacation for awhile? He would likley be very welcomed & needed/appreciated here!) So awesome imo that you copuld learn and get that from/with your Dad.



  419.  #420GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    $ lol



  420.  #421Daria on September 27, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Innerbonding:

    “Helplessness is a very difficult feeling. It can even feel like life or death to those of us who were left to cry for hours as babies, with no one coming to help us. Because we were so helpless over ourselves as babies and small children, it can trigger feelings of panic. It’s hard to remember, in these moments when fear is triggered, that as adults, we are not helpless over ourselves.

    [just found out recently from my mom that this was me!! back then the method of parenting that was in style was not going to soothe your crying infant! i didn’t know she practiced that with me!]

    For many of us, the deep fear that got programmed into us as young children can trigger our wounded self’s desire to control, when we feel helpless over another’s choices.

    What do you do when you feel helpless over another?

    Do you get annoyed and irritated with the other person?

    [yes]

    Do you get angry and blaming?

    [yes]

    Do you collapse into victim tears?

    [not as often as the first two but sometimes… were the tears i cried just now victim tears? i dono… oh i HAVE done this with my ex, i rmeember now]

    Do you explain and defend, lecture or teach?

    [hell yes]

    Do you shut down, closing your heart and withdrawing your love?

    [hmmm… i think so yeah]

    Do you acquiesce, giving yourself up to what the other wants?

    [yeah sometimes, ugh i feel nauseaus!]

    Do you go into resistance, doing the opposite of what the other person wants?

    [hell yeah i do this with my mom and have urges to do it very frequently]

    Why? What do you hope for in behaving in any of these protective, controlling ways?

    [i don’t know! maybe im hoping the other person will change their behavior and do what i want]

    Do you hope to convince the other person to change?

    [uumm yeah]

    Do you hope to avoid the pain of helplessness, and the loneliness and heartache that you might be feeling in response to another’s choices?

    [hmm i feel puzzled… not sure… i wasn’t thinking about that… but yeah!! when i have gone all explainy i noticed i am avoicding that feeling]

    Do you hope to feel safe, rather than anxious or panicked?

    [yes!]

    The basic motivation of the wounded self is to feel safe by trying to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. When someone does something that triggers your feelings of helplessness, loneliness and heartache, your wounded self moves into action.

    The Other Option

    The other option is very challenging for most of us. This option is to fully accept that we ultimately have no control over others.

    What would you do differently if you accepted this?

    [i don’t fuchkin know. i feel mad . (i guess i feel helpless lol !) and then that triggers me to feel mad. what would i do differently… i have no control over anyone. ummm… i COULD move away when something feels bad, and just say my felings. but waht if its moving away from someone i care about? 🙁 won’t i feel worse to lose their closeness? i mean do i just keep moving away when i feel triggered?

    i mean no, i know its only temporary right, but … im not sure… ahhh i feel lost… i feel helpless!!! i feel scared!!! sigh feel a bit relieved ]

    What I do is to move into compassion for myself – for the very painful feeling of helplessness. I hate this feeling as much as anyone, and I can’t say that I’m always successful in not going into my wounded self. At times, when another’s behavior is extremely painful to me, I still get triggered into my infant panic and want to control the other person. I find it very challenging not to be reactive when someone is violating or mean, or has betrayed my trust in a profound way. But I also know how important it is to keep working at it.

    As soon as I realize that I’m being reactive, I move into compassion toward myself, lovingly helping my inner child feel the intense pain of helplessness, loneliness and heartbreak. I surround myself with the warmth and power of my spiritual Guidance, so that I’m not alone with these feelings.

    [wow calling in Yemaya is really helping me feel way big and with lots of fluid love around!]

    At this point, I lovingly disengage from the situation. I’m generally feeling so sad that I need to be alone and cry. Crying helps me move the feelings through me so that I don’t get stuck with the pain. Sometimes I need to do an anger process to further release the feelings. Then I do further inner work [wat da fuchki is this inner work MARAGRET??? huh??? lol jk teary eyes! ] to fully accept that I have no control over the other person.

    To what extent are your conflicts, fighting and disconnection the result of not accepting your helplessness over another? Take a moment to think about an important relationship in your life, where there is conflict and/or distance. Is this the result of not accepting your helplessness over others, and not being willing to feel this very painful feeling? [yes, with my dad]You might want to consider learning to manage this feeling, rather than continuing to try to avoid it, in ways that create relationship problems.”

    ok im considering it

    so disengage and go cry

    got it

    with spirit around me



  421.  #422GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    #404 Daria I appreciate this *so* much… your input (and your spirit & energy as I experience it here) is like a bridge between my rather dry rational and managing/admnistrative & frustratingly limited ways of seeing/engaging things, and NSM’s more fluid ways of seeing… it’s something I want more of, regardless of him one way or the other.

    (He just emailed “sadness and frustration are good imho… as are impatience & [something]… getting the lead out of all of us.” I hate that, and he’s that way so (too) much imo — until he feels weak and tender and needy/connecty, then it switches *entirely*.)

    *I will meditate on this* Daria… wow… you hit arteries in my psyche with so many of your words. Thanks. That feels very good… and actually it feels like I have someone who I can depend on for another way of seeing thru sometimes… in a way that doesn’t even take much of something from them (you) bc it’s just your spontaneous and natural flow & observations, and the wisdom coming from them that I can really get good stuff from… a woman who sees things in this way… I need that perspective, for however long it hits that way for me.

    Thanks.



  422.  #423GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    #421 1st paragtaphs… yep, this was me too. And my Mom was so young and alone dealing with me and *much* hardship, that she told me a few years ago that when I was hungry and screaming for food, she would sometimes just scream with me.

    That pattern & the effect are still stuck in me.



  423.  #424GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    #422 Something got erased by accident by me here…

    …meant to say I hope this feels good for you for me to say this… hopefully like simply appreciation, good attention etc, maybe? Not pressure or self-conscious.



  424.  #425GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    #421 I have no control over NSM. And sometimes over myself (or I try to have too much).

    And yes I feel helpless… very… all the time now… what would it feel like to go into compassion for myself on that… OOOWWW like crying all night and day, a lot,and running to him to be held and cry together (as we’ve done in past)… I miss that NSM, not the cocky prickish person he is being today. He feels challenged and corrected by me on some issues, and some vulnerabilities and power-hungry-ness. Maybe that’s why he’s being a prick.

    I have to deal with me.



  425.  #426GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    #398 FW This is great… and in many ways you just descrived my relationship with NSM. We are both bored by our conflict pattern now.



  426.  #427Femininewoman on September 27, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    GingerSky I have one of Rori’s interviews with a male coach who basically says don’t engagen with him in the drama (whatever it is). He will eventually have no other option but to drop it.



  427.  #428GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    #401 FW Thanks, I have a rudimentary way of releasing that kind of feeling/energy/frequency just by saying/sharing it… then it feels like I saw and hugged it, so it can go on its way? I just needed to be able to say that I feel that… it’s real and honest… and not let it go dishonestly back under surface!!! I don’t practice switching feelings as much as inquiring about and noticing them, a la Byron Katie Work… as she says you can’t let go of the feelings, but if you inquire, they let go of YOU. Then ime they stay gone, and their energy is transmuted to useable energy?

    I appreciate your comment…



  428.  #429Daria on September 27, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    GingerSky –

    “sadness and frustration are good imho… as are impatience & [something]… getting the lead out of all of us.”

    i felt excited reading this! he’s right! it’s healing to be noticing and feeling our feelings!

    but… it wouldn’t feel good to read this from a man, if i WANTED SOMETHING FROM HIM

    wanted him to GIVE AFFECTION, ROMANCE to me

    (and he is still giving. he is giving advice and guidance – and … it just doesn’t feel good ! i can almost taste that needy vibe that you want more from him)

    were you leaning forward to him when he responded this to you?

    that may be why he’s in coach, friend, advice mode… instead of Care-for-a-woman-want-to-please-her mode

    if I was coaching you, i would say: now’s the time to get out there and Circular Date! that would really pull this man in, and pull you out of friend mode with him

    And get a chance to heal your insecurities that men won’t want a woman in your financial position, with your interests, etc…

    and I would answer… “you’re right! and ouch! that doesn’t feel good to read. i don’t want a man that doesn’t want to make me feel better when i feel bad”

    and MEAN THAT… he has to at least Want to make you happy to even make the first cut. that will change everything



  429.  #430GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    #427 FW Many thanks! I like that, and it’s not likely that this man will. He has a lifetime history of this… he is not regular and very little of what works even fits with him… but maybe this will if I try it. I’ve tried it before… but to him, the drama is always mine or someone else’s (or someone else’s fault) when he is like this… I am pondering what you say… he is very happy in his prickishness today and it’s making him feel powerful and effective and free. Everyone else’s here seems to be peeved with him, but to him, he is always right.

    What can you do with that, lol?

    Sometimes he’s not like this *at all*… but then he says “I was just being nice, and it’s all always there under the surface for me.” I read a good book once that said all men have a jerk side, and it just comes out sometimes. If they have a moral code that makes that an undesirable thing, then they can get better. If they admire their own jerk side, then they can’t. Ergo, part of my frustration.

    Thanks for the talk, grist, and wisdom. It feels very good. I’ll keep running your word sthru the “hopper” of my miind/heart… it feels better to think of this you said.



  430.  #431Ella on September 27, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    OMG – J Unfriended me on Facebook.

    I feel like sh8t.

    I don’t understand why?!

    Feel like messaging him to ask him.

    🙁



  431.  #432GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    #429 Daria Major, total, bullseye BINGO! Wow, thanks.

    Well, he doesn’t even believe in the usual kind of relationship in which people want/try to make another happy… he values honesty and whoever he can get that from and with… and whenever he gets (or got 🙁 ) sucked into and motivated by the desire to make me happy, he did very very well, and we were very happy… but he snaps back & says he doesn’t believe in that kind of relationship bc it is dishonest and not growthy or whatever.

    And I get happy jsut even being around him. But yes, I was leaning forward in some ways… he is hard to out-girl. Maybe his prick mode will help him get less girly energy… that will be good for him, so I can feel compassion for that… wow… thanks.

    And regardless, what you said is what I need to do… for me… however it is only slightly likely to make him want to be with me more, as it has in past, but he will then snap back and in addition, he actually wants me to be with someone else if that will make me happy…

    … but yet, he doesn’t and he gets very triggered about it… I am thinking and feeling my way thru this now… I leaned forward and corrected him SO much for a year before I got on here this past spring… I made lots of problems bc I simply didn’t know.

    You are awesome. I’ll be thinking on this too… he annoys and frustrates me and he may never commit fully, but I just like being with him and I’m sure he feels that needy vibe from me all the time… and when I get strong and am involved in other things, yes, he comes right back, wanting to curl up with me and have our sweet intimate talks again, feeling free and attracted.

    It’s never over till it’s over… ?

    CDing must be engaged by me way more in more ways… regardless. Thanks for the kick in my pants.



  432.  #433Ella on September 27, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    I feel sick



  433.  #434GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    #429 This is so good, gonna keep reading over and over, Daria…

    The kick in my pants actually feels like a lifting energy… loving lifting & brightening…



  434.  #435Ice Princess on September 27, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Aww Ella that is awful!



  435.  #436Ella on September 27, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Oh G8d I feel panicky and hot, and like crying.

    Why has he unfriended me.



  436.  #437GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    #190 alias girl LOL I just saw this! Hee hee! Glad it made you feel that way. xox!



  437.  #438GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    #436 Ella What’s up with that? Do you have any ideas?



  438.  #439Ella on September 27, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    It must be cus me and his friend kissed… well his friend kissed me.

    Ahhh FFS this is so hard.

    I was just trying to be a Siren and not wait on a man who is not stepping up, and be open to other men… and look where it f8ckin gets me…

    Nowhere.

    I feel so upset right now.

    I feel so lonely.

    What is the f8ckin point?

    He prob thinks I am really bad cus of this and before the thing with his brother where I panicked cus his brother said he likes me.

    Urghhh.

    I want to ask him…



  439.  #440GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    NSM always says I am the best and closest, most important relationship he has ever had in almost everyway… which is exactly how I would and do phrase that sort of thing too, and I like hearing it that way. It feels good. Clear, honest, definite, not entrapping for me… not intoxicated but just like, yeah! Very present.

    I have just too consistently bowled this man over like bowling pins with my leaning forward energy… I hit the learning curve way too late… so let him go whence and yon, into his prick energy and whatever… let him try to find another me… lol. No one is likely ever to be as right for him as me imo… and he has said that too, lots.

    Maybe he’ll grow up (and so will I, and I can practice learning all this more!) in the process and if I’m still free, we can try again…? It is never over till it’s over… he wants me to not want to much commitment… and we shall see.

    He always gets pulled back in with me… and I am not going to try and cause that on purpose… but am gonna just be my sweet self and CD and it’ll all land where it needs to.

    Thanks Daria, FW, Rori, ag, Ella, Sweetpea, and all of you.



  440.  #441Ella on September 27, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    Gingersky,

    Don’t know if you know the history with me and him…

    He is the 19 y/o that I basically am a little bit in love with… and he is very fem energy and not step up and he kept appearing and then disapppearing… he would be gone for a month or two…

    And the first time he disappeared was right after we slept together, and I went into a trauma.

    Since then I have become stronger.

    He came to my b,day party and I hadn’t seen him for about a month previously… he brought a friend.

    I was determined not to let my night revolve around him.

    He didn’t pay me much attention but his friend did. Later his friend kissed me (while we were alone – not in front of J). I let him… and then pulled away.

    Felt really triggered and confused.

    When we re-joined the group J kinda stepped up and sent his friend off and sorta ‘claimed’ me. His friend left.

    J came back with me and I wouldn’t sleep with him.

    I saw him the next day… then he messaged me with that vague message about maybe meeting up at which point I hit him with ‘It would feel GREAT to see you and I do not feel good accepting dates without a time and confirmed plan’.

    No reply and I have just seen I am unfriended…

    I am guessing he found out about the kiss but I don’t know.

    Also a while ago his brother made a vague pass at me…

    I felt confused then cus of his brother being more my age… and nothing happened, nothing came of it… and in a moment of panic I told J about the flirtation thing with me and his brother… cus it looked like J and I were going to get together.

    But we didn’t.

    Hope that is not all too confusing.

    This is all feeding into the feeling like a sl8t thing…

    And all I am trying to do is CD and not wait on a man or get caught up… cus that is my old pattern.



  441.  #442Ella on September 27, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Think I am going to message him and ask him…



  442.  #443GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    #439 Ella Yeah, this kissing thing is a bonding moment, like Rori or someone posted here…? Too intimate?

    Too hard for him to have to have the image in his head of that? And wonder if you’d be faithful & impressed only by him if he stayed with you?

    Do you feel like you love him? Can you get a message to him thru someone else? Is this wrong/bad to do? Do you wanna say to him I feel foolish and I screwed up… I’m in a big learning phase right now, changing and growing, and I made a mistake (if that’s how you feel)? I feel insecure waiting for you and it made me a little bit crazy for a moment?

    What feels real to you? ((big hugs))



  443.  #444Daria on September 27, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    GingerSky – more coachy voice talk:

    Noticing when you’re thinking about what’s going on with him – and practicing putting the attention gently back on you, and not speculating what is going on with him will really help shift your vibe and create the space needed for a man to step into

    actually wow, Feminie voice now:

    i feel excited! this is just what i need with hawkman!

    and Ginger, this came up for me reading your post too,

    i know the feeling of happy just to be around a man… and , its also feels bad too…like bruising my heart sometimes

    i want to feel good about myself, feel cherished…

    not just lovey dovey high off his energy… thats how i felt with Getright, and NYguy, and, im babystepping to requiring more

    requiring that i always feel he wants to give to me

    mmm

    yay excited to apply this to my Hawkman interactions ! moving away from analyzing what and why he can’t or won’t

    and just being about me… giving him space to be his full self

    whew

    so good



  444.  #445tinque on September 27, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Gingersky – Another thing to think about. Don’t we all have a jerk side? If you can see this side for what it is, it may not have such a pull on you. You may be able to say to yourself, “oh the jerk has come out to play. off I go to go take care of me. what do I want to do for me right now.”

    xxoo



  445.  #446Daria on September 27, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Ella – nooo don’t do it!!



  446.  #447Daria on September 27, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    lol



  447.  #448GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    #441 Ella Yes, I remember reading a lot if this story from you. Didn’t remember who’s story it was.

    19 year olds are hard to predict, but I am greatly in favor of not letting age matter too much but only to navigate the challenges honestly.

    I really feel that, knowing lots of guys in that age group, that they are very ok and open with being asked something like this… way more than guys from a different “generation”… he might appreciate it…? Esp if you phrase it in careful non-pressured, non-drama “I” statements?

    Just an idea/input.



  448.  #449Daria on September 27, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    im sorry for telling you what to do Ella

    looking at it from this perspective here, it would feel so good to see you soothing the NV’s that are coming up about what’s going on

    and putting ALL THE FOCUS AND HIGH STATUS ON YOU

    by not chasing him to get ‘closure’ explanations or anythng

    just being ALL ABOUT YOUR WOMANLY self until a man steps up INTO your space



  449.  #450Ella on September 27, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    Gingersky,

    I don’t know… cus I have a feeling Rori would say I haven’t done anything wrong… cus he is not stepping up, and I am only CD-ing.

    I feel SOOOO confused about this.

    Because Rori says to always let men kiss us if we feel ok about it.

    I did feel ok about it… excpet that hed is J’s friend.

    Oh, I don’t know, I feel so f8ckin confused.



  450.  #451Daria on September 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    i just remembered one way to switch from his business to mine and my feelings is to write down everything and AFTER go back and ‘translate’ everything to feeling messages

    taht used to wrok really well for me

    i might do thatabout Hawkman if i notice myself thinking about him

    writing it down can help me get it out of my head



  451.  #452Ella on September 27, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Ohhhhh, its so hard.

    Cus most of society would say that it was wrong!

    Kissing his friend.

    And Rori says when a man is off we can ask him??

    Or am I just making excuses.

    THIS FEELS TRULY AWFUL!

    It feels like blocking intimacy.

    Are you sure we have this right?



  452.  #453GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    #445 Tinque Yes! Goody goody gumdrops that feels great… and I’m so good at giving similar advice to others lol.

    I guess when I feel the disconnect in the jerk energy, and like it’s me who gets targeted (and yes I def deserve and earned some of it, but it woudn’t be *my* way of dealing with that nor my preferred way for him to do so)… with the disconnect and lack of commitment it;s hard to get to what you say… I give up and be weak bc it’s too hard and disconnected, whereas if he WAS my “husband”, with that much or a little more commitment, I could *easily* say no problem about the jerk mode.

    I get needy, grabby and focused on him and us, like Rori says. Not on me etc like you say here.

    No wonder he pulls away… I do get it, I just don’t have the skills under my belt yet… thank you so much.

    Yep yep yep… it doesn’t matter how wise you/i can be about many areas/things, the basics simply MUST BE *PRACTICED.*



  453.  #454Ella on September 27, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    I feel sad… and kinda numb.

    And in disbelief.

    The thought of never seeing him again is awful!

    Why has he done this?

    Does he h8te me?



  454.  #455Daria on September 27, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    of course you haven’t done anything wrong

    adn you are totally just guessing!

    maybe he unfriended you cuz he has a new male lover that doesn’t want him to be friends with toher interests

    maybe he unfriended you by mistake

    maybe someone came to his house and looked at his FB and unfriended you

    i dono why

    but its not a stepping up move

    he knows how to friend you back up

    when he’s doing stuff like that, and moving towards you, then it will be cool to let him in and be warm

    but right now, i would choose to just feel my heartbreak if that’s what I felt and all the awful feelings and do stop sign on my thoughts and love myself

    i wonder what wonderful thing this means is going to happen next!



  455.  #456Daria on September 27, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    why has he done this? does he hate me? – i woudl do stop sign on those thoughts

    what has this showed up to heal?



  456.  #457English Woman on September 27, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    #431 Ella

    Because J knows you are too much to handle as a Super Siren Woman?

    Poor lad…….



  457.  #458Daria on September 27, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    hmm i might be feeling kinda helpless and so im moving into ‘advising’ with Ella…

    it’s ok lil infant Daria we are ok



  458.  #459GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    #450 & 452 Ella

    Well, with all due respect to all Rori’s teachings, which of course I *adore* and am behind… some things are on a case by case basis… and a couple of things Rori suggests I woudl not do. Some of it may be culture ina given area or a given group, or age group, etc? And there are other reasons… like I would never go for a man who is engaged with another woman who even *thinks* she is his girlfriend. He’s have to sort thru that more first, and I’d just let my presence be known.

    A lot of it is my culture here, but in certain circles it works jsut groovily to do that and I know that is true 🙂

    It’s all just tools, ideas and insight. Use a wrench when it’s needed, and not when it doesn’t work. And sometimes you find, as you are now, that maybe the tool you used is inappropriate, no blame on it, you were innocently trying to do your best…? And you hit your finger bc it wasn;t a hammer… didn;t exactly wind up fitting the situation?

    It also may signal an incomaptibility spot (which in no way to me means definitely that a realtionship is not possible… no two people are entirely “compatible”). But if yu;re older than him, which I recall is the case, you *already* have a power diferential at work, and he is less powerful in it. Scary for him imo. PLUS a 19 year old cannot step up in my opinion and experience… so maybe you overloaded his tender young circuits? He likely sees you as an ideal, bc that’s kind of all he can do at that age usually?

    Does any of this make sense to anyone else? Is it helpful?

    19 year guy may wonder if you just see *him* as just a good time now or something… it may turn to a great conversation if you talk on it with him?

    “Rori says when a man is off we can ask him?? ” What does this mean?

    I like talking about this with you… but if i disappear suddenly its bc I have to hop out to my appointment shortly.



  459.  #460GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    #456 Daria I support that, totally.



  460.  #461GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    #455 Daria Ella Yes, this too. Right on, good words imo. Good for me too today and everyday.



  461.  #462English Woman on September 27, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    OK here I am with my flaky CD’s…….

    TH (perhaps drinks too much??) guy at bar, emailed me this morning and said it was his birthday and he had lied about his age??? Wrote back and wished him Happy 70th birthday…………. 😀

    40 year old man much too young for me insisted he wasn’t – gave him my number 3 nights ago and ………poof…nada

    LD (man crack man) messaged him on Yahoo Messenger (yes I did lean forward but only a little bit :))

    Said he was busy all day with his car, have heard nothing from him since except asking about my CD’s 😀

    Young men/old men on POF?

    I have replied to them ALL with various messages and have nada, not one man in my rotation. 🙁



  462.  #463Katarina Phang on September 27, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Ella, I’m sorry to hear that but this is one of the reasons why I don’t recommend friending any guy you date. It opens a can of worms. It creates drama like when this thing happened to you.

    Facebook is one huge reality show for the ordinary people. Don’t get sucked into it.

    Keep your emotional life simple and in check. Do not friend guys you date. Don’t add drama, questions and obsession in your life. Don’t live in your head, ladies. FB makes you live more in your head than really living your fabulous life.



  463.  #464GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    #451 Daria In case I didnt; say it already, thank you *much* for this post. ** I will do that**



  464.  #465Ella on September 27, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Ok, let me see if I can handle this differently.

    Let me see if I can just go take a shower and then maybe get myself soe food and maybe watch something that would feel good. Like Breakfast at Tiffeny’s.

    Because he has pulled away.

    But I am a Siren.

    And chasing after him now could undo all the good work.

    And if he had been stepping up in the first place none of this would have happened.

    I could choose the rowing the boat role… and I might get him for a bit… but it would feel awful, like grasping and clinging to water…

    And that;s old stuff that has never worked for me before…

    Its just the feelings I am afraid of.

    I kinda feel ok… I mean I faced him being gone forever once before.

    I just feel terribly afraid that my man will not come.

    Like I have used all my chances…

    Ok I hear you NV thought.

    Ick.



  465.  #466English Woman on September 27, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    #463 Katarina!!

    Long time no see!!! How are you and the part time husband/wife thing working out?



  466.  #467GingerSky on September 27, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    #465 Ella Good stuff… and I find lotsa times that if I just hold in my mind and energy that I need to have a converation with someone that would be difficult or awkward for them if I bring it up or pursue it on purpose, that it winds up happening naturally at some ideal point anyway, bc I kind of passively yet comfortably held space for it in case it needed to…?

    Much love everyone… thank you SOOOOOO much. Gotta go release some tension in someones’ body and use more new skills of Positional Release bodywork I just learned at class.. all your words will be in my head… thanks Tinque, big time… later all.



  467.  #468Ella on September 27, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Gingersky re 459

    yes all good in a logical kind of way. However it is totally guessing at how he is feeling… I mean we do not KNOW he feels less than and unable to step up, although it is a comforting thought.

    And I SOO want to reach out to him… and I think I might just be indulging my impulses/urges, which is never good for me right now.

    I would love to have a conversation with me and he has just moved AWAY from me. So me contacting now would be TOTAL lean forward and chasing.

    Plus it could totally pull down my self esteem.

    On the other hand I would LOVE to talk with him.

    I don’t know that CD-ing and being open were the wrong tool here, just that it has made things difficult.

    I suppose one way I could have handled it was to say to his friend, when he went to kiss me ‘Owww, I feel so flattered. And I would love to kiss you and actually I feel a little bit uncomfortable because I am kinda datig J.’

    I don’t know though… cus isn’t that waiting on a man?



  468.  #469Katarina Phang on September 27, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    English Woman: I’m happily dating and enjoying being adored left and right. I have mutual attraction with most guys I date these days, which is rare. And they have been contacting me and telling me how much they want to see me again, miss holding/kissing me, etc… and I’m seeing a few in rotation.

    I have never been happier and feeling more like a goddess since my breakup. I have a more fulfilling emotional life now that when I was married.

    I feel more and more indifferent about getting back to my hubby. I need to think real hard to be exclusive with any one guy these days because it’s a big deal to me especially when you have to give up seeing other great guys.



  469.  #470ive no idea on September 27, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    hes pulled away and i chased him.!! he phoned and said he wasnt coming round tonight and i said ok, but i knew i sounded disapointed and went quiet and cut off the conversation. to be honest it is ok because i had some work to do, so then i tried to back track on the conversation with a text message saying sorry i was abrupt i was just having a busy moment at work and that i appreciated him letting me know and that i hope his day has been good. ive heard nothing from him since!! im feeling worried about it and i dont even know why



  470.  #471Katarina Phang on September 27, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    And Seattle Guy and I are on a break. It just ran its course 5 months ago when it was clear that he was not ready. But no hard feeling and we are still great friends…we still talk and he still says he loves me.

    I could turn him off just like that after 8 months. And any woman should be able to do that with any guy.



  471.  #472Katarina Phang on September 27, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    “I could turn him off just like that after 8 months.”

    More precisely, I could turn my romantic bulb off for him after 8 months.

    We were talking about seeing each other again though…



  472.  #473ive no idea on September 27, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    actually i do know why. we argued a couple of times this weekend and weve never had an argument before. didnt go well, lots of ‘i didnt say that you were the one who said…..’ sort of thing

    and he said yesterday that i was quite abrupt. said it wasnt a bad thing that he knew were he stood with me but i didnt feel too good about it



  473.  #474Emoticon on September 27, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    So the CD I went out with asked me 2 go 2 DC with him 4 his birthday two weeks from now. He already told me where we’re gonna go n what we’re doing. Its nice 2 c a man making firm plans in advanced, as opposed 2…u kno lol



  474.  #475Ella on September 27, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Ok Sirens,

    I am sitting here with my feelings and doing nothing about J.

    Feeling hella anxious, well kinda going between that and feeling ok.

    I would like to be reassured.



  475.  #476Daria on September 27, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Ella – you know what i just thought of

    when men get mad and “grumble” as Rori says and she says that’s actually a GOOD thing

    so him doing this may be like some grumbling about who knows what… but if you continue to be your Rock, and focused on you, and he can step up, he will be back with like double the attraction because of that



  476.  #477Daria on September 27, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    also you are healing

    you will likely not even be into him anymore when he comes back and he will have to earn it if he can



  477.  #478Camille on September 27, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Ella,
    OOh I know how that feels….

    Stay on your horse!
    Hugs and Hugs



  478.  #479Tmizz on September 27, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    Ella – here’s what I’ve started to do when I need some “reassurance.” I learned this from a relationship expert somewhere. All you do is put your hand on your chest, over your heart, and breathe slowly, “through” your heart. And then you can “breathe in” love, gentleness, compassion. Sometimes I add other stuff that I feel is necessary in the moment. You can do this for two or three minutes, until you feel more settled.

    It doesn’t change the situation or make anything different, but it usually makes me feel better!



  479.  #480Ella on September 27, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    Thank you Daria,

    Do you really think he could come back again? Even after this dramatic move?

    You think its just grumbling?

    Its just soo triggering.

    I feel weird bc I don’t see any other Sirens getting themselves into these kind of dilemmas by kissing their CDs friends…

    Wha do you think?



  480.  #481Ella on September 27, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Maybe I need to have a no kissing without dates boundary?



  481.  #482Ella on September 27, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Tmizz

    Thank you.

    xoxox



  482.  #483Daria on September 27, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    Ella – i wouldn’t … i’ve kissed CD’s friends, before with no problems

    I would continue to let a man kiss me when he tries to… as long it feels good to me

    also… i find it intriguing that you are assuming that your kissing that man has anything to do with what’s going on now

    seems like that’s where your work lies, in healing the insecurities around this



  483.  #484Sweetpea on September 27, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Oh man, I feel furious! Just talked to attorney about insurance settlement from car accident & it seems the insurance co is setting my ex-bf up to take the fall. Aw hell! I still care about him and I feel very, very angry! Now I’m faced with the decision of being saddled with a bunch of med bills or suing him & his former ins co.

    Mad! Like Yosemite Sam, firing guns into the ground, “rootin’, tootin’,” mad! Grrr!



  484.  #485Ella on September 27, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Daria,

    I have a feeling you are right… and also it just seems like the most likely explanation, like I have a feeling that is why…

    It just feels so hard to go against what everyone else would say… like the people around me, my friends and TV shows like Jerry Springer (well Jeremy Kyle over here but I don’t think you have that over there) which would say I am wrong and bad.

    This is definitely where the work lies…

    To be ok with me… and what I do that is Rockstar, ie letting another guy kiss me when one isn’t stepping up.

    I just feel SO sad that he has unfriended me.

    Feels so fickle…

    And I thought we would always feel warm towards each other.

    Anything that feels so ‘forever over’ feels really triggering, reminds me of losing my stepdad.

    The other thing is the thought of ‘what if he had kissed one of my friends?’ I would be hella angry.

    So how is this different?



  485.  #486Daria on S