Relationship Tool of the Week – Bring Him Close With Your Inner Drama Queen

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queenIf you sometimes feel like your man has all the Power in your relationship, and you feel almost desperate to get your strong sense of yourself back, I learned something very valuable (the hard way) this weekend that I know will help you, too.

If you’re at all like me, you value being “nice,” being “liked,” and being “well thought of.”

So, if you’re like me – being a “Drama Queen” is just out of the question.

Well, that’s all nice and good, wanting to be “mature” and “well spoken” and “thoughtful,” but for most of us, all that “carefulness” and “political correctness” gets us to the same place – pushing our men away!

How can that be?

How can we push a man away by being “nice” and “mature”?

Well, as I’ve known since the moment I turned my marriage around years ago, and as I teach my clients and write and create programs about for you, valuing “nice” and “mature” over AUTHENTIC can just kill a man’s love for you.

And it’s not because there’s something so wrong with “nice.”.

It’s because sometimes our “nice” is just not REAL.

Because we value being liked more than being Authentic, we can stuff down our feelings.

I still struggle with this – and as aware as I am about it, it still always surprises me when I choose the “high road” – choose to let something that’s bothering me go rather than speaking up about it.

These are the moments when my inner Drama Queen can actually HELP!

So – what does YOUR inner Drama Queen look like?

Is she so not welcome inside you that you’d do almost anything to not let her out?

Are you so afraid she’ll turn you into a raging Drama Queen out there in the world that you push her down and try to keep her covered up?

Well, the one thing I know is that if you don’t love your inner Drama Queen, and instead resist her as much as you can – that’s when you actually DO turn INTO a Drama Queen.

It’s as though the fight to keep her from taking over makes her squeak by you so you end up acting like a Drama Queen anyway.

Only – instead of YOU GUIDING her, so that her words come out THROUGH YOU, in Feeling Messages instead of attacks, and so her feelings inspire a man to HELP you instead of run from you – she comes out without your consent and without your control.

Your inner Drama Queen just jumps out and splatters all over everything. It’s those moments when we do or say something we wish we hadn’t.

And then you remember the moment when you first felt angry or upset and didn’t say anything about it when it happened – and you KNOW that if you’d just spoken out – authentically and truthfully in that moment, you wouldn’t have turned into a Drama Queen just now.

So – love your inner Drama Queen.

Loving her and embracing her will make it possible for you to avoid ACTING like a drama queen.

Let her speak to you.

Let her say what’s on her mind.

Let her into your heart, feel her feelings and use YOUR WORDS to say what’s going on inside you.

You can do this.

Your Drama Queen on the inside can make you calmer and easier on the outside.

Your Drama Queen on the inside can help you stand up for yourself and be stronger.

So – talk to her.

Ask her what her name is.

Ask her if she’ll help you be stronger, more direct, authentic, and VULNERABLE.

Try this Tool and see if you feel a little lighter, a little more in step with yourself – I know that I did.

In my Toxic Men program, I have a whole section on getting to know and embracing your inner “Stranger” – this will help you so much to stop attracting and being attracted to toxic and difficult men. You can take a look at it (and all my programs) on the “Rori’s Catalog” page here…For now, just listen to your inner Drama Queen instead of shutting her up, and see what she has to offer you – and let me know how she helps you.

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Ann on October 26, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Great post Rori.

  2.  #2Simply Shannon on October 26, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    My inner drama queen’s name is Sha-nay-nay. She tells it straight up like it is. No bullshit. I actually just had a talk with Miss Sha-nay-nay because of a “joke” Mr. Manly Man made when I cancelled on him tonight. (He joked that “used to you cancelling on me. LOL”. Oh yeah – real eff’in funny big man. I feel tired for crying out loud!)

    Sha-nay-nay’s words weren’t so nice but ***I*** handled it well. He knows I feel pissed right now. And I feel so proud of myself for not taking what he said and turning it around on myself with “i’m sorry” “it’s my fault”, blah, blah, bullshit.

    Gonna take a bath and relax. I love feeling strong on the inside and soft on the outside. Mr. Manly Man better get with the program or I’m gonna hit the easy button and let him ride off into the sunset without me. GRRRR.

    I LOVE Sha-nay-nay!

    Perfect timing of the post again Rori!! Shannon

  3.  #3Tina on October 26, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    I love that name Sha- nay- nay ahhhhhhahaha! DRAMA QUEEEN!

  4.  #4alias girl on October 26, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    my inner drama Queen’s name is “i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you”

    i’m not sure why but as soon as i asked what her name is, that is what she popped up with.

  5.  #5Tina on October 26, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    Sha-nay-nay is a crazy bitch lol

  6.  #6Tina on October 26, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    Crazy Bitch yeah her middle name is B-I-T-C-H ok got it huh? whaaaaaaaaaa? cant hear you asshole? say it again, ooooooh you havnt seen crazy yet baby

  7.  #7Mary Ann on October 26, 2009 at 8:22 pm inner drama queen is really mean when she breaks out. i think I’m a bit afraid of her…this post is great! I rock from anger to sadness when I feel like I’m being betrayed or feel stupid. I guess the sadness is in part authentic but also produced by the suppression of psycho-bitch. There are two people in this world who can bring her out in a split second…my 5yr ex and my Mother. My buttons get pressed and I’m a screaming mean viscous bitch…wow..and I haven’t lost it like that in a while. Hmmm, am I loving and embracing her? Or have I locked her up in the attic?

  8.  #8Tina on October 26, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    Hi, my name is Tina, oh your so nice Tina, why dont you tell him your REAL name, crazy bitch haha. Your really are nice but you make me want to puke sometimes, uh yes, I will, I feel this and that blah blah blah, why dont you just say to that loser , hey I feel like your really just a fucken loser and I dont really want to date you. You I would say that to him in a minute, just tell him your a fucken loser and i wouldnt date or have sex with you in a million years unless you slipped me something in my drink asshole!.

    Crazy bitch has her feet up on my computer desk, smoking a ciggie , thinking of ways to fuck with these guys. she is sooooooooooooooo sweet sweet like the edge of a knife blade oh what a lovely fucken personality she is.

  9.  #9Tina on October 26, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    She wears black haha and big boots to kick ass, fuck me boots oh yeah more lilke fuck with me boots rotflmao! oh you like my pink panties , take a CLOSER fucken look cause you aint gonna see that again LOSER , AWE did I hurt your FEELINGS, come here, give me a kiss, pucker up big fella, oh yeah closer, NOT HAHA. awe now your getting mad at me awe,

    Crazy bitch is nuts lol I have to keep her in check dang!

  10.  #10Tina on October 26, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    TIna – hey crazy bitch , your are crazy yes?

    Crazy Bitch – well yes

    Tina – Would you said you could be bubbly? I mean a bubbly personality?

    Crazy Bitch – Fuck no , that’s a stupid question, now your pissing me off , Tina

    Tina – Oh sorry, ok do you hate men?

    Crazy Bitch – well yes I do like men, I just like fucking with losers , you seem to attract , Why do you act so “nice’ Tina

    Tina – Hey , I’m the interviewer here ok

    Crazy Bitch – oooooh Tina gettin a little bitchy?

    Tina – No, just sayin thats all

    Crazy Bitch – Tina, you got to let me run these idiots that you attract their soooooooooooo much fun for me, you never let me do anything, I just wanna come out and play *sad face Crazy *smiles a deadly smile*runs her finger along her fishnet stockings looks at Tina.

  11.  #11Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    Crazy Bitch – *plunks her feet back up on Tina’s computer desk and lites another ciggie, she says, “Tina,your fucken sad , you know it? waiting for mr. who oh mister right? lol, see what I mean, who gives fuck? I mean really Tina.

    Tina – I said I am conducting this interview, I ask the questions ok

    Crazy Bitch – there you go again, “I feel annoyed” who gives a shit,

    Tina – Crazy, can I call you Crazy

    Crazy Bitch – *rolls eyes uh huh takes a big drag off her ciggie,

    Tina – Crazy how did you become so crazy?

    Crazy Bitch – Taking care of your dumbass makes me crazy, you happy now?

  12.  #12Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    Crazy Bitch – this interview is stupid, ask me if I like big cocks hahahahahahahahaha,

  13.  #13Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    Tina – Do you like um big cocks?

    Crazy Bitch – your so fucken predictable, why are you interviewing me? what the hell do you want to know? Do I really exist? yes to that question. See the thing is Tina Goddess , I am being sarcastic here ok, just in case your slow, which I am beginning to see very clearly from your dumbass interview. You really dont want to see me, your not EVER going to let me come out and play with these losers are you?. you are embarressed to know me, to you im just some nut, and all your other “goddess” friends. All of you get a fucken life, Sha-nay- nay is a real goddess, the rest of you are just , dont even come close, IM A QUEEN, A REAL GODDESS, YOUR AN IDIOT, you say, “oh I “feel” like chopping off his balls, oh and open your heart to while your at it Tina, but me see, I WILL CHOP OFF HIS FUCKN BALLS! You dont need to open your heart for that “GIRLFRIEND”

  14.  #14Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    TINA – Dont Goddesss feel their feelings, you cant really say your a goddess unless you feel your feelings, this is what Rori says

    CRAZY BITCH – Fuck her, she’s an idiot too. aahahahahahaha, see this blade, this is my feelings ok , got it? thats as far as my “feelings” go. fuck your dumb!

  15.  #15Kaitlyn on October 26, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    Great post, but when, other than the obvs like an abusive man, should the inner drama queen come out?

    Drama queens!

  16.  #16Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    Tina – Crazy, if I let you out to play, give us a few ideas of the crazy things you would do to the “losers” you say I attract.

    Crazy Bitch – *smiles her deadly smiles *lites up a ciggie oh god, I think Im having an orgasm ahahahaha. Can you make me some coffee, Tina since your in the business of feeling “nice”

    Tina – ok sure , were going to take a break from our interview and be back shortly. Here we have Crazy Bitch ladies and gentlemen

    Crazy Bitch – gentlemen *rolls eyes is she going to make me fucken coffee or what?

  17.  #17Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    Crazy Bitch – You know when you had that dumb speech with the loser you broke up with a few months ago?

    Tina – yes, I did a Rori Raye tool called a “speech” yes I do

    Crazy Bitch – well I could have saved you all the trouble and bounced a full can of paint off of his windshield, *smiling sweetly. You know you would have laughed at that, you wanted to let me out but you just couldnt do it. You could have let me out to play then, that would of been a helofa scene hehe. You could feel me wanting to come out and play early on in that stupid ‘relationship”

  18.  #18Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:49 pm

    Crazy Bitch – and the time, I almost came out to play but no you just had to ruin that too. instead you said, in your holier than thou voice, oh I cant do this right now why dont you just go home instead, and when he got up to leave , you almost let me out then, I would have done something FREAKIN AWESOME then.

    Tina – What would you have done then?

    Crazy Bitch – I would have oh and it was sooooooooo close, shoulda just let me do it. I would have found a huge rock and thrown it at his truck, screaming and waking up the neighbors at 3am, I WOULD HAVE LOVED THAT! and chased his truck down the driveway freaking right out hahahaha. I had some nice names picked out for that guy.

  19.  #19Tina on October 26, 2009 at 9:52 pm

    Crazy Bitch – I would have bounced a few off his head too. *smiles

    Tina – Your coffee is ready, I hope you like decaf

    Crazy Bitch – shoulda know about the decaf, just like your men, no balls ahahahahahahahaha

  20.  #20Tina on October 26, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    Tina – would you ever have sex with a man? have you ever found a man you would like to have sex with and um maybe have a relationship with, do you believe in happily ever after?

    Crazy Bitch – whoa, slow down, your really picking my brain now. * rolls eyes, *sips coffee, fucken decaf.

    Crazy Bitch – Tina darling yes of course, I sleep with men, just not the losers your picking. I sleep with GODS, you will never in your life time ever have that chance, just because…

    Crazy Bitch – you and your patience is going to kill you, see this here * pulls out her blade, this is my blade, her name is PATIENCE

  21.  #21Tina on October 26, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    CRAZY BITCH – Tina you really are ruining my image but your fun in a way, you keep me on my toes. No man would dare cast his eyes on me, I see through them, all of them, Those men you attract act like bitches, you cant even see yourself, your to busy playing “nice”

  22.  #22Tina on October 26, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    Crazy Bitch – I’ll show you a GOD, but your to busy with these fools *waves PATIENCE around at the men in Tina’s life.

  23.  #23Tina on October 26, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    Tina – Do you ever wish you could be “nice’

    Crazy Bitch – uh let me think *tap tap tap, NO

  24.  #24Tina on October 26, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    Tina – Are their any women you admire?

  25.  #25Tina on October 26, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    Crazy Bitch – yeah Tammy Faye Baker and Elizabeth Taylor

  26.  #26Kaitlyn on October 26, 2009 at 10:51 pm

    Why do you admire Tammy Faye Bakker? She’s a total charlatan. Her and her husband.

  27.  #27Tina on October 26, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    Crazy Bitch – Oh no she ditnt, Tina tell me she dint

    Tina – No she was asking or curious why you admired Tammy Faye Baker

    Crazy Bitch – I was bored one day, while you were doing your stupid shit with your loser men, she said oh, never leave the house with out putting on a littl lipstick, the interviewer asked why she said it shows the world you care about yourself and it gives you a boost.

    Tina – Crazy you saying you need a boost?

    Crazy Bitch – uh huh, dealing with your shit, protecting your ass isnt fun at times, I get bored

    Tina – What color is your lipstick?

    Crazy Bitch – Red

  28.  #28Tina on October 26, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    Tina – ok thank you for coming out Crazy.

    Crazy Bitch – yeah *eyeballs kaitlyn

  29.  #29Daria on October 26, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    I threw up.

    I feel a lil better now.

    I also did lots of interesting healing stuff.

    I felt like slightly nauseus all day and wound up throwing up heheeee and i feel good about that

  30.  #30Tina on October 26, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    I’m singing ‘Broken wing” woohooooo, I heard it while I was out the other night singing karaoke πŸ™‚

  31.  #31Daria on October 26, 2009 at 11:47 pm


    my drama queen first said her name is Deez Nutz!

    I don’t like that because my guy friends used to make fun of me with that. I think she is joking around with me:

    she said you can call me

    Gangsta D, or D bitch, or Da Bitch

    ill stick with Da Bitch i think Gangsta D is someone else that I know well hehe

    well Da Bitch says

    your fuckin sister is using you and youre letting her do it you aint shit you wannabe you swear youre taking care of yourself and your not you let ppl run all over you foolll i would do it too thats why i like your sister more than i like you youre like a house servant you dummbass ew

    Daria says: um ok now i feel mad too

    Da Bitch says: oh ok you can be mad at me but not at your sister haha weak dumbass

    Daria says: fuck

    Da Bitch says: I hate you

    Daria says: ok. i hear you. you hate me

    Da Bitch says: why would a grown fuckin woman need your help if you hada kid do you think you would be calling her for help no you wouldnt DUMBASSSSS

    Daria says: i feel tired and im not feeling good right now

    Da Bitch says: you feel sick cuz youre a sucker

    Daria says: well i don’t know how to be like you. CAn you help me be more whole please? and by the way im in charge here

    Da Bitch says: no i cant help you. go ask your fuckin sister for help. or wait till she asks you for another ride froem fuckin 35 miles away you are SO DUMB GOD this bitch is using you! she dont even say hi when you come in her house for heavens sake bitch are you so dumb your mama would be embarassed

    Daria says: well i just feel helpless. i feel bad saying no i wont help u get a ride to get the kids holloween costumes. i mean theyre kids.

    Da Bitch says: whatever bitch keep playin wit yourself

    Daria says: wow you sound a lot like my sister

    Da Bitch says: lol yeah y u think you’re friends with her cuz of me dumbass not cuz u be kissin her ass

    Daria: i hope so

    Da Bitch; well she said she love you. let the bitch prove it. wtf u going all out of town to help her out for. everyone used to laugh at you for that. your man probaly left u cuz of that.

    oh your man DID leave you cuz that bitch. aint it cuz her friend punched his lil sister

    what she do for you NOTHING

    what her and her mama say when you though you were DYING!!!! OH YOURE BEING SO LOUD SOMEONE IS GONNA CALL THE POLICE!!

    wtf??? the police need to come saver your ass you coulda been dead

    an you busy alwasy defending them. at least thats one thing about you. youre not scary about defending Other people… you just a sucka tho when it comes to you and it drives me NUTS cuz im stuck inside you I wish you would fuckin die sometimes

    Daria: ok so what would you say to her

    Da Bitch says: I would say look girl. youre a grown woman im a grown woman too. aint no reason to be sending me “i need you” messages. I dont send u no I need u messages. and then asking side questions like are you coming out here tomorrow. no bitch im not. if i was id probably be busy unless WE made plans to kick it which we never do cuz bitch you dont call me for that. u lucky i love my Godkids cuz im really felein like u dont love me you SAY you do but damn girl you be like EXPECTinG me to do stuff for you Bitch tHAT SHIT COST MONEY!!!

    You should at least offer me like DUB yeah DUB bitch it cost me like 15 to go there and back and bridge toll! so really that would be only 5 dollars for time out MY FUCKIN DAY so even that woundt be enough but itd be something

    but naw bitch you dont

    i mean if i was to stay at your house it seem like youd be cool for me not to pay rent but if i was eating out the groceries i bet you wouldnt be feeling that. i feel like you gon start trippin an ima wind up kicked out so that dont even feel all the way safe

    cuz BITCH I DONT TRUST YOU cuz youa sking me shit not caring about my feelikngs ad you FAKIN about that shit

    like i told u im sick we only gon go to one place but then u wana go to target an d IN AN OUT. ok yeah its on the way but I BET YOU WOULDNA DONE IT. thats whta makes me mad i get the feeling you wouldnt do HALF THIS SHIT for me…

    an bitch you aint gonna offer me money but you got money to take youreslef to inand out ok!

    I c u

    u fake friendin like Jodi use to tell me and thats why most ppl dont fuck w u no more cuz thats how u act like u just be happy when u get wat you want then u be mad when u dont

    bitch none of your other patnas put up with this shit but im your sister so i been not knowin how to make it better but im thru cuz im takin care of myself now not just other people

  32.  #32Tina on October 26, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    Daria,Hope your feeling better, is it the flu? Good night all, thanks for the time, was fun. I love you all! πŸ™‚

  33.  #33Daria on October 26, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    hey tina i hope so apparently a part of me wants to be pregnant because of the ‘adventure” but i dont think i ma nor do i want to be

    so yeah its something i dono wat maybe too much detoxing from acupuncture herbs

  34.  #34Kaitlyn on October 27, 2009 at 1:49 am

    “Tina says:

    Crazy Bitch – Oh no she ditnt, Tina tell me she dint

    Tina – No she was asking or curious why you admired Tammy Faye Baker

    Crazy Bitch – I was bored one day, while you were doing your stupid shit with your loser men, she said oh, never leave the house with out putting on a littl lipstick, the interviewer asked why she said it shows the world you care about yourself.”

    Ah. I see. That’s actually stolen from Dolly Parton who is a waaaay better female empowered southern Goddess than Tammy Faye.

    Dolly also said, “My mama always said accent the positive; down play the negative.” Dolly rocks!

  35.  #35Kaitlyn on October 27, 2009 at 1:49 am


    ‘Deez Nutz.’ Lolz!

  36.  #36alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 2:15 am

    there was a documentray on tammy faye called ‘the eyes of tammy faye’ or something like that. it was good. i like documentaries about people. and i like reading biographies about people. and i like reality tv. oh and celeb gossip too. not the harsh mean kind. just the reporting on lives i like.

    i am fascinated with human lives. it is my inner drama queen fascinated with other people’s drama.

    i feel very very good today. imet a man before i burst into flames, i mean tears, the other night. i felt totally not interested and he smelled like garlic (one time thing or all the time– we shall see. ) but he kept calling me princess. “yes, my princess” “oh my princess, what do you want? “i want to give you what you want.” so i gave him my number when he asked. then he called me today (the day after we met. that feels good to me) and he said maybe thursday. i told him if there is no place or time set then it is not really solid for me and i consider that day still open in my schedule. for some reason i had to repeat this two or three times because he seemed not to understand language all of a sudden. finally i said i may or may not be free on thurs. he said he will call. bleh. i am so not free. bleh. bleh.

    if i am such a princess how are you going to take your chanes that someone else isn’t already winning me more than ‘maybe thurs. i’l call you tomorrow or the next day.” bleh no.

    anyway i feel good to just give my number to alot of men who ask now so i can practice getting out of dates with men i have no interest in. not really true. i have the tiniest interest when they ask. i might. i could be turned around. there is enough interest for me to give you my number. but then no, my first instincts turn out to be right and

    anyhoo i feel Very Loved by the universe and very Excited about my hat trick. i feel something magical happening. πŸ™‚

  37.  #37alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 2:22 am

    i feel i am living in a magical land. it has patches of fog and moss and vibrant colors and the sky does these really amazing thigs like someone took a paint brush to it. and the artist just keeps redesigning the sky every few minutes or hours , whatever he/she feels like. it is quite beautiful.

    but bursting into flames is ok too and feeling completely alienated. as long as it only lasts like ten or fifteen minutes. it addsa nice contrast to the breathing vibrancy of the colorful magical world i am living in.

    give me fashion or give me death. haha just kidding. i prefer to live long long time.

  38.  #38Kaitlyn on October 27, 2009 at 3:11 am

    My inner drama queen is Camille on NYC Prep.

  39.  #39Tracy on October 27, 2009 at 3:46 am

    Totally love this post…..
    My inner drama queen has never really come out….i feel too afraid to let out my bad feelings…..the last time i really let things out… was really bad and the guy reacted as though i was a total maniac…..i don’t blame him though because i acted as one….totally lost it….
    I feel more in control of myself now….i feel the anger and frustrations at times but i am learning to love them and actually feel them as they are……

    Tina, YOU ROCK!!!!!

  40.  #40Simply Shannon on October 27, 2009 at 7:09 am

    Tina: OMGawd! I loved your whole dialogue between you and Crazy Bitch! Me and Sha-nay-nay will meet you in the bouncy house. Tell Crazy Bitch to live the knife at home. If she pops the bouncy house, I’m not sure I can control Sha-nay-nay. LOL!

    Daria: I loved your dialogue too! Reading your post helped me to understand a lot more of what you were feeling about your sister. Reading the other posts, I couldn’t understand the dynamic behind the scenes that was upsetting you so much. Deez Nuts showed me what you really wanted to say! I really felt what you were feeling. It feels so good to understand!! Ya’ll come play in the bouncy house with me and Sha-nay-nay!

    Mr. Manly Man and I had a bit of a discussion last night about me cancelling. At first he was being a little shit about it, but I kept speaking my feelings and not backing down. He finally got it. And boy was he ever tripping all over himself to apologize. I feel so relieved that I was able to talk to him about what I was feeling, especially because it was a bad feeling!!! I felt heard and cherished last night for the first time in a LONG time.

    The real irony is that this morning he had to call me and cancel our lunch today because a guy got hurt on the job and he had to drive out to the job site. Now he feels like shit about how he reacted last night. Karma is a bitch… and so is Sha-nay-nay!




  41.  #41Nikita on October 27, 2009 at 7:42 am

    πŸ™‚ I c u

  42.  #42Nikita on October 27, 2009 at 7:45 am

    My queen is ” Fire Starter ”
    Her eminence….lady fire starter….
    I feel confused if she’s really a lady….
    Her name could just be “bruiser”…..nah
    Fire starter!

  43.  #43Nikita on October 27, 2009 at 7:48 am

    Twisted fire starter…..she calls B.S. On men…..and smacks them up!!!!

  44.  #44Aldonza on October 27, 2009 at 7:56 am

    Ever notice that the men who talk about “no drama” are the ones who do things to induce it every frikken time? Just a thought that popped into my head when I read this. The most controlling men I’ve ever known lived in fear of the “Drama Queen” way more than they did Warrior Woman. Interesting.

  45.  #45Simply Shannon on October 27, 2009 at 8:17 am

    Aldonza: You and I are in complete agreement. Sha-nay-nay wants to scream every time I read “no drama” on a man’s profile cuz I’m thinking “well don’t start the drama”. I am learning that speaking my feelings as soon as I feel them leaves me feeling a lot more powerful and in control of myself. Stuffing down Sha-nay-nay only pisses her off more and when she finally forces her way out, it ain’t pretty.

    Tina: Tell Crazy Bitch I’m singing that Buckcherry song in her honor… “hey! you’re a crazy bitch but you fuck so good I’m top of it”…

    Mr. Manly Man says I have him under a spell. πŸ™‚

  46.  #46Tina on October 27, 2009 at 10:11 am

    Ooooooooooh spells.

  47.  #47Daria on October 27, 2009 at 11:38 am

    HEllo im back

    im feeling a lil bit better though my stomach is still feeling a lil deranged

    im feeling so bored bored lately

    maybe its cuz my room is kinda messy

    its just like

    there doesnt seem to be much to look forward to (even tho there are things to look forward to)

    ive been feeling weird like this for about 2 or 3 weeks

    i guess i used to feel this way often but what happened to magical feel good life i was having?

    i dono!

    feeling like whatever

    might as well sleep than be awake

  48.  #48Flipper on October 27, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    Jive on Vajayjay,
    cuz yer bouncin’ with Sha-nay-nay
    Unh huh, unh huh, Yeah

    Hey, whatja say, say ?
    I’m jes’ jivin’ wit Vajayjay
    Bouncin’ wit Sha-nay-nay, unh huh, unh huh……

  49.  #49Simply Shannon on October 27, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    Flipper: I cannot stop laughing!! That’s awesome!

  50.  #50alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    hehehehe!!! πŸ™‚

    flipper in da house

  51.  #51Flipper on October 27, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    I feel sooooo gooooood you like it, t’anx. I want to hear Alias Girl and Daria on the vocals. Do we have a producer out there, so Tina can find it at her karaoke place?

  52.  #52alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    haha! YES! my voice + autotuner singing the vajajay/shananay song!

    and heartbeat can sing background? πŸ˜‰

  53.  #53Simply Shannon on October 27, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    I just read the “rules for finding a perfect man” blog that talks about the perfect man not being the qualities HE has but who WE feel when we are with him. I wanted to cut and paste AG’s quote because this pretty much sums up how I want to feel when I’m with a man. And truthfully this is EXACTLY how I feel when I’m with Mr. Manly Man. He has his downsides (don’t we all?) but ***I*** feel good when I’m with him. Really good just like AG’s post.

    Here’s the original blog post:
    – – – – – – –
    Courtesy of Alias Girl: i want to feel adored and secure an safe and protected and loved and wanted and silly and free and sexy and attracted and challenged and soft and stimulated and part of a team and cooperative and figuring things out together and like he was my back and that he praises me publically and is proud of me and proud to be with me and that he feels lucky i chose him. like we both know how lucky we are that we found each other and didn’t settle.

  54.  #54betty blue on October 27, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    worried about drama queen emerging at the wrong time!
    how do you handle running into your ex-boyfriend whom you still have feelings for? the friend that introduced me and my ex-boyfriend is once again throwing her annual party to which we are both invited. i’m afraid he’ll show up with his new girlfriend (i’ve heard he has a new girlfriend although i am not sure if this is true). i am uncertain of how to act or what to say and i’m afraid i’ll burst into tears if i see him or that my inner drama queen (who’s about 2 years old) will have a temper tantrum. Anyone have any experience with this?

  55.  #55Tina on October 27, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    wooohoooooo, Simply Shannon, Crazy Bitch, practices thi chi with PATIENCE AHAHAHAHa. oh and she wants to be back up dancer

  56.  #56alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    i do not want to be in the same band or concert as crazy b*tch or her little friend, patience.

    tina, yes. but crazy b*tch does not feel safe or good feeling to me.

    she feels “stranger”ish (from Toxic Men Program) and i feel good tina is having a dialogue with her.

  57.  #57Daria on October 27, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    well my drama queens name is actually


    so Zanita will you help me be stronger, more direct, authentic, and Vulnerable?

    Yes i will.


    woo hoo

  58.  #58Daria on October 27, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    ps i do not want to catch anyone calling me deez nuts or else we will get our slap on


  59.  #59Simply Shannon on October 27, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    Daria: I am so laughing at your last post! I feel bad because I didn’t realize you didn’t like it. Get Our Slap On! OMGawd – I’m rollin’! That “name” will be stricken from any reference to you. Oops!

    Tina: As a kid, I wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer. Maybe that should be our “group”? LOL!

  60.  #60Linda on October 27, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    My drama queen is best friends with my Warrior Woman. She never speaks for herself, but has an inline direct connect with warrior woman. hmmm My warrior woman looks just like me.. her name is Louise. hmmm

    Come to think of it.. my drama queen has never ever spoken to anybody. As I sit here and think about her, and am typing I feel a smile breaking out on my face. She isnt nice, or rational. She is so sassy, and blunt and sarcastic and defensive of me and my intelligence. ..She lives in my gut and she is always right!…and she has on my leopard print heals and undies… hehe….and a sexy shirt and my new really nice tight ass jeans! She is singing… “what you want, baby I got it… what you need, baby I got, all I’m asking for is a little “RESPECT”….

    I need to let her speak. She has been talking to all the time. I make her talk through my warrior woman to civilize her a bit and then… my warrior woman has to run through the nice me … and I end up stuffing something at leaving something unsaid.\

    I just let my drama queen have her say about the man who so betrayed me… that I could barely function for months. Oh did that feel good to let her talk. There are parts of me that are not above calling him a son of a bitch and get away from me and take your sorry ass and those hickies on your neck out of here!.. and keep your oil change, you lieing deceiptful bastard!…. and this last guy… I was stronger with but still too nice. He thinks he has me in his back pocket as a back up plan… you know what NOT!…. … My drama queen says… you think you are all that, you sorry excuse for a man get away from me… you were right! You ARE more trouble than you are worth. And all those things you said and pointed out were wrong with me…. they are NOT TRUE!… etc etc… oh boy there is more in there. look out girls.

    I may be tired of being alone, but never will it take it on the chin again. I am gonna call it like I see it. Create a little congruency in side me. My drama queen.. her name is ….is coming I need to get acquainted with her.


  61.  #61alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    linda – πŸ™‚ i feel very excited about your inner drama queen.

  62.  #62Rori Raye on October 27, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    Betty Blue – Welcome, and I don’t know a single woman who’s never had this problem. I used to be an actress, in theater companies, in plays…and you’d have a “thing” with someone, and then a month later it would be over and they’d be making out with a new woman in the back row of the empty theater during your rehearsals. Imagine how Jennifer Aniston felt going to the Oscars, knowing she’d be sitting behind Brad and Angie, felt. She dragged John Mayer to the event…Consider this the ULTIMATE practice for you! Talk lovingly to yourself, let yourself shake, practice being with exactly how you feel – but CHOOSING your words. You can do nothing but smile and still be authentic. Love, Rori

  63.  #63alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    welcome betty blue! if i saw my ex with another woman at the same party i was at i would feel like socking him hin the nose. what i would try to do though is look really really good and have the best time possible and be cordial if we ran into each other. and also listen to my vajayjay saying “he still wants me”

    but if he actually went of his way to speak to me i would tell him i felt like socking him in the nose.

  64.  #64Simply Shannon on October 27, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    HELP!!! I changed my photo on Match tonight, and Mr. Manly Man saw it. Eckkk. Talk about awkward. At first Sha-nay-nay just says “whatever, deal with it”, but even Sha-nay-nay really likes this guy. Crap. I texted him back and said “I thought you knew I was on there. I feel awkward and don’t know what to say.” His reply “no need to say anything”, which I know is bullshit.

    Ignore it? Say anything else? Anyone, anyone Bueller?


  65.  #65Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    Is mr, manly man on match?

  66.  #66Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    Alias girl, Crazy Bitch does have big mouth.

  67.  #67Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    betty blue, awe that feels really uncomfortable, I was kinda in that situation before. My ex husband deliberately showed up at a place where I was at with his new girlfriend,she was a REAL crazy bitch let me tell you, grrrr. I just smiled , walked around minding my own business, I did approach them though and said hi. They have since broke up, not over that but over other stuff, I guess. They were together three months. They would post pics so I was sure to see, blah. I didnt still have feelings for him at the time though. Sorry to hear about your situation.

  68.  #68Simply Shannon on October 27, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    Tina: Mr. Manly Man has his profile hidden. He did that right before we went out so seeing me was not the reason he decided to hide it. We had a date once two months ago and lost touch. Since we’ve been talking this time, we’ve seen each other 4-5 times in about 2-3 weeks.

    I wouldn’t feel so weird if he hadn’t just dropped by TODAY on his way back to the office. I wasn’t even thinking when I changed it. I just put up a new pic that I took over the weekend.

    Crap, crap, crap. I’m not replying back. He said no need to say anything, and I’m taking him at his word. πŸ™‚

    I feel pressured to lock myself down with him. He does not like that I’m seeing other men. Sha-nay-nay says “Fuck that. Put a ring on my finger.” But ***I*** say it’s only been 2-3 weeks! I want to get to know you first Mr. Manly Man. I don’t want to fall in lust with you and then let my body/hormones drag me into love.

    It feels like I’m sitting on the fence, afraid to put my feet down on either side. How do I balance all this and still ultimately get what I want?

  69.  #69Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    S.S so his profile is hidden, you just changed your pic? I bet it’s a nice pic πŸ™‚

  70.  #70Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    of course he doesnt like you seeing other men, lol, men do that I suppose. He wants to be the only one, with no commitment, no promises , free sex, lots of comfort and good food, until he is ready to decide or he cant take the pressure anymore of you asking him for commitment. fck that! lol

  71.  #71Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:33 pm

    Did you ask him what he thinks about marriage, wait no that doesnt matter, I asked my 1 1/2 year guy that,he said yes it was an option , i feel only now that he said it because he wouldnt get any lovins from me hahaha. man these guys are fast.

  72.  #72Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    Ok, I could be wrong, maybe I’m just projecting my ideas about men based on the ones, I have been with.

  73.  #73Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    S.S How do you balance this? continue circular dating

  74.  #74alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    simply shannon i feel unclear about what you want.

  75.  #75Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    I recieved two compliments today, Oh that is a nice scarf you are wearing. the other was You have really nice skin, thank you I said to both compliments.

  76.  #76Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    I made a eye contact with a man in the grocery store today πŸ™‚ longer than five seconds, he looked away first , then looked back, i was still looking at him, while I ate my chicken wings πŸ™‚

  77.  #77alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    if i wanted a man to step up and claim me forever i would definitely Definitely keep totally absolutely dating until he did that. if he was ready to step up and i was not then i am not sure what i would do.

    but simply shannon, this man has not proposed. and if what you want is a proposal then i would keep dating, guilt free and just give him the speech.

    now back to the dilemma… say for example, my ex wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend. well. i would say. i don’t feel like your girlfriend. i don’t feel i am treated the way a goddess would wanted to be treated if seh were someone’s girlfriend so i would have to say no at this point because it doesn’t feel quite right. Please understand me, I would LOVE to be your girlfriend if i felt like i was being treated like a goddess. but since tht is what i am looking for i feel better for us to keep dating each other and i also keep dating others men until i find what i am looking for. what do you think?

    now if he WAS treating me all goddessey and asked, i would say YES!

    if a guy i just met and was dating for say two months wanted to be my boyfriend and was treating me goddessey and i felt right about it i would also probably say YES.

    but that is a whole lot different than marriage because i can stop being a girlfriend any old time i want. however, i wouldn’t just say yes to being a girlfriend to any man so for me to have said yes that must mean something. though i am not quite sure what.

    i feel embarrassed that this may not have been useful at all, simply shannon. you’re welcome.

  78.  #78Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    I flirted with some men parked beside the gas station πŸ™‚ I asked dumb questions, I waved when I left one guy kept looking at me and smiled back waving at me πŸ™‚

  79.  #79Tina on October 27, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    I looked like crap by the way, no makeup just lipstick RED hahaha. I had a shower and smelled good though. I wore sweatpants my favs, really unattractive but comfy with a big hoodie and pink gym shoes haha oh and blacksunglasses. I walked like a GODDESS πŸ™‚

  80.  #80alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    haha the song “walk like an egyptian” just popped into my head as i imagine you, tina, with big black sunglasses, pink tennies and walking like a goddess.

  81.  #81Daria on October 27, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    tummy still gurgly

  82.  #82alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    ANOTHER man that has his hands in music. i feel very intriguied that i am attracting this. these men are coming to me, i am not manipulating this it is just happening.

    i just asked a guy if he wanted to start a band. hehe.

    i feel amused.

  83.  #83alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    daria i hope you feel better.

  84.  #84alias girl on October 27, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    thank you for finally giving me the missing key to the money puzzle. i feel very excited and free and RICH!!!!!

  85.  #85Daria on October 27, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    thanks !

    im feeling good!

    whats the key to the money puzzle


  86.  #86Tracy on October 27, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    It feels great to listen to my drama queen…….i feel that i have suppressed her inside of me for a really long time….
    I feel much better listening to her and letting it out…..i feel more at ease…..So my drama queen wants to be treated right….she wants a man who can pay his bills and take her to great places….a man who can appreciate and love her and a man whose fun to be with…..a man who has big dreams and good drama…a man who lets her be who she really is……
    She wants more adventure and more fun…..she wants more life….more love…..lots of love……she wants lots of drama…good drama…..and good life….
    So…..drama queen feels i have been taking myself for granted….and there is so much in me that i can offer and there is so much to look forward to……
    I feel that she’s part of my inner guide…she expresses a part of me that really cares for me and wants to see me happy….I feel happy thinking of her as my protector……
    I feel that listening to her……helps me to listen to myself and i am feeling excited about listening to her ideas and expressing them……

  87.  #87alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 12:58 am

    hmmm. what if my drama queen had more reign over my actions/words/thoughts?

    because my drama queen (the one known as “i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you”) is very high esteem and entitled. she would expect a man to lay his overcoat over a puddle so she doesn not get wet feet. or he could life her and carry her.

    she does expect him to WANT to spend every last freaking dime he makes on pleasing her and making her happy.

    she expects her orgasm first or at the very least her orgasm must MUST be included in the picture.

    she expects these things, feels entitled to these things and feels like completely turning away to a new suitor when she does not get them.

    she feels extremely loveable no matter what matter of dress she is wearing but certainly she always takes care to look her best. because she has the TIME to consider and fuss over herslef because she is not frittering away her time begging for crumbs from the world.

    she expects a galant, lush, rich, life full of perks and good times. Of course she leaves herslef plenty of time to dress for the ball.

    my inner drama queen feels FAR more interesting than what i am allowing.

    thank you rori.

    key word — QUEEN.

  88.  #88alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 1:12 am

    I FEEL FURIOUS! furious! HOW DARE YOU TREAT ME THIS WAY! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE. DON’T you know who i am???m i am THE BEST THING THAT’s EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. How dare you offer me crumbs when there are others who will offer me cakes upon cakes upon lush full meals and delicious outings and slow lingering kisses and caare care care for my heart and soul. how dare you mistreat me! how dare you take me for granted. how dare you even expect me to work some slave job for a few dollars. how dare you put my life at risk? HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU. YOU ARE LUCKY I AM A MERCIFUL WOMAN. HOW DARE YOU. I FEEL OUTRAGED. I FEEL ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGED THAT YOU WOULD TREAT ME SO CARELESSLY. I AM A GIFT AND A TREASURE A ONE OF A KIND. I AM LOVING AND SO FULL OF GOOD SPIRIT. HOW DARE YOU TRAMPLE ME AND TRY AND DRAG ME THROUGH THE MUD. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. YOU ARE LUCKY I REPEAT LUCKY I AM A MERCIFUL WOMAN OR I WOULD HAVE FED YOU TO THE LIONS FOR SUCH GROSS MISTREATMENT OF A QUEEN



    i feel furious i have been lied to as a child. a mere vulnerable preequeen.

    i was mistaught.








  89.  #89alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 1:22 am

    I FEEL OUTRAGED! you are lucky every single last one of you YOU ARE LUCKY I AM A MERCIFUL WOMAN OR I WOULD HAVE FED YOU TO THE


    DO YOU HEAR ME?? never again. don’t even think about it. how dare you. you are lucky to be in my presence to share laughter with me to co create goodness with me to be in my goddess mist.












    IS THIS CLEAR.? amd i clear?


  90.  #90alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 1:44 am

    ag – wow ok drama queen, that was pretty intense and high and mighty there but i don’t feel confident that big wave of ‘what have you done for me lately’ is going to go over well.

    DQ- ok ag, i am going to speak to you as a queen to a pauper, ok, because that is how you are presenting your self and how i am presenting Myself. so you are in fact correct. if a pauper expects to be treated like a queen she will be laughed all the way back to skid row. also, what you just witnessed was a queen “splattering” as goddess rori warned us about in her post.

    ag- i don’t feel good to be addressed as a pauper.

    DQ – i understand. i wouldn’t feel good with that either. that is a ver good sign. also very good that you spoke up for yourself using a lovely, non blaming feeling message. how would you like to be addressed?

    ag- i want to be a queen too.

    DQ – you want me to address you as a queen? based on what? is you lineage from royalty? i see no evidence of a crown. you are dressed in pauper clothes and walking with you hands cupped like a beggar. here here are your crumbs no begone.

    ag – i don’t want to be a beggar or a pauper. i do come from royalty. i come from the same source you do so that makes me just as eligible to be a queen as anyone else in the world. i want you to teach me to be a queen.

    DQ – i would be delighted and honored to teach you to be a queen. i haaave been waiting for this day for a very long time.

  91.  #91alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 1:52 am

    ag- i feel very excited and also calmly delighted to begin practicing my queen ness.i feel a little unsteady. i feel afraid of being laughed at.

    DQ – what use has a queen with low vibration mockery? pay attention to being adored. pay attention to the way the world adores you. leave all the rest to someone else’s attentive eye. let your senses be drawn to the most pleasing of your surroundings. the most pleasing of your imagination. the most pleasing of suitors. the most pleasing of meals. the most pleasing of adornment.the most pleasing of expressions. i am not saying “nice.” or what is most pleasing for others. but what is most pleasing for the queen within your heart.

  92.  #92Kaitlyn on October 28, 2009 at 2:05 am

    Ok, no one has answered my question. Here it is again…

    When should you let the inner drama queen out?

  93.  #93alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 2:36 am

    kaitlyn. two o’clock, four o’clock and six pm sharp. then sometimes at eight if she’s had alot to drink.

    seriously. ok i feel like i just layed out my whole heart and soul, bared my process of becoming glorious for the world to see. i feel vulnerable and exposed yet empowered and proud. i feel hoping someone would say WOW alias girl good for you.

    ok. i feel angry. how dare someone demand something sort of anything from me after my grand coming out and performance. how dare i be so overlooked and treated like a measly little disobedient servant.

    so i feel good to get over myself. what i do i do for me. my first and primary motivation is for me.

    so i feel good to just get over myself and my pauper-need to have people say oh wow. though it would still feel nice. but hey i feel good not to get that too because then i grow more and expand more and become more connected to source where is my true connection to all i desire anyway.

  94.  #94alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 2:41 am

    i don’t know why but the lyrics “all this jealousy and envy coming from my enemies” keeps going through my head. maybe it is my upbringing. my nasty voice left over from childhood.

    the voices that clobbered me whenever i tried to shine.

    the voice that says how dare you be a queen.

    and the voice that NOW is saying how dare you try and put out my light or clobber me or shame me into hiding it under a bushel.

    i am right here, right now. i am me. and i am i am.

  95.  #95alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 3:02 am

    the lyrics were froma tupac song. All Eyez On Me. Picture Me Rollin. haha tupac probably has another album coming out this christmas. the dude’s been dead for years and just keeps coming out with albums from the crypt. i wonder if mj will come out with like ten or twenty post mortum albums.

    imma gangstalicious queen.

    so is it human nature to just want to hate on and tear people down that are propping themselves up. or is it just our culture? or is it just unhappy people that feel the urge to do this?

    is false humility so much better? or real humility? but what is that? what does real humilty look like? and whose ideals are those anyway?

    pssshhhhhhh i never could please the outside world. oh alias girl you are too this or not enough that. don’t do this. act like that. blech.

    love me or leave. i can’t lose on that one because i am already alone. so pssssshhhh. love me or leave me.

    and she was surrounded by those she allowed to love her and be close to her.

    aas i move into a state of allowing
    and receiving.

    allowing and receiving. like waves washing over me.

  96.  #96Linda on October 28, 2009 at 4:02 am

    Since I am new to giving my drama queen permission to speak… I am not sure when a good time is.

    But if I feel my way through it I think I will get it right. She will vindicate me, protect me, I need to trust her and respect her. I need to be more balanced and she is just the one to do it.

    Katlyn.. I think drama queen will speak up even scream in your ear… let her out then.

    Tina.. your posts were inspirational to me.

    Alias girl… there are so many things you say that resinate in me. We want the same things.

    Rori, thanks for this post. More layers of my heart and spirit were peeled back. Wholeness and happiness is the goal. Sometimes the things I want and think are all muddled in there together… soup but floating in the soup for a while give me the opportunity to identify what is floating in there. It is not all gray and misty and bad feelings… some of the things in my soup are really good strong empowering things too.

    This community is great thanks to all of the goddesses and wishes when I post and need help.


  97.  #97Linda on October 28, 2009 at 4:33 am

    I am going to spend the day befriending my drama queen. I really like her. She is beautiful to me. WHY did I not see it before. She has a tear rolling down her cheek… and says “Finally!…. I have your attention, now lets go get em girl”….. Adventure awaits us, hang with me girl, I will never steer you wrong.

    She wont tell me her name…. though. Maybe her name is… the same is mine.


  98.  #98Flipper on October 28, 2009 at 5:08 am


    Me and my Drama Queen were just lapping it up – You and Yours just screamed and said it all. Thank you, gifted wordcrafter and even more-gifted recreator of her life for expressing, sharing your life that resonates so profoundly with Mine. Mine is of course MY PRIMARY FOCUS, my SELF-NESS. If that has to pass through borrowing, murderousness, mistakes, depression, ridiculousness, anything, then so be it. I can feel gratitude, embarassment, rage, envy, exhiliration, foregiveness, grudging, judging, generosity, greed…….. I can take things personally, or NOT, or both at the same time.

    For me, Kaitlyn, my Kali Drama Queen is not to come out. Acknowledged, stroked and stoked, She gets to roam freely in my secret garden and scorch the weeds there INSIDE me. Her tough love favors the fruits that grow to nourish ME and my Warrior Woman so WE can then take care of my needs on the OUTSIDE in a way that both promotes and protects ME while preserving the potential of a relationship (IF one is possible) or gets me quickly and safely outta there (if not). Neither she nor I want her to Actually nuke things OUT there (just FEEL LIKE nuking them) – I am not suicidal and don’t want to waste myself in a sterile, self-defeating, ultimately pitiful ….. splatter. I DO WANT to tap into the strength of her rage, her all-out defense of WHO I AM, and use that to bestow my QUEENLY SELF on my world.

  99.  #99Simply Shannon on October 28, 2009 at 5:50 am

    AG: I love The Best Thing That’s Ever Happened To You! And I love how you calmed her down with your feeling messages. That felt good to watch. You never got enraged even though the words coming at you weren’t so nice. Pauper? I think not!! And in the end both of you were calm. That was so cool!

    Kaitlyn: Sha-nay-nay is always “out”. She’s constantly whispering in my ear but it’s MY voice that comes out… speaking the truth. It feels important to me to listen to Sha-nay-nay all the time so that she doesn’t feel hidden or unable to speak.

    Well Mr. Manly Man is now giving me the silent treatment and I feel pissed off about that.

    Sha-nay-nay: How the hell do I know this fool isn’t just trying to get in my pants? Or that he just wants a hot goddess on his arm? I’ve only been talking to him for 2-3 weeks for crying outloud! I don’t know him and yet I feel pressured to make myself exclusive. I want to be a princess and he’s treating me like one but it also feels like ownership and pressure. Blech.

    Me: Why do I attract this every time? I struggle to just date and let things unfold. Nearly every guy I’ve been interested in has asked me to date him within a month. Hmmm… I need to ponder on this.

    Any ideas Siren? I feel confused. How am **I** making this so serious? It’s got to be something I’m doing. Truthfully this is what I have typically wanted. I want a man to claim me. BUT I’ve done that almost every time and it’s fallen apart around month 3-4. I don’t know how NOT to have a relationship. I want things to unfold. I want what Rori describes so I’m doing this her way. But apparently I don’t know how to do that. CRAP!!!


  100.  #100Flipper on October 28, 2009 at 6:50 am

    Shannon, My Drama Queen would’ve been pretty irked about the pic remark and screeched: ‘Take your bloody burqa back, you controlling creep. If you don’t like seeing my beautiful face where I want to show it, get your drooling eyes off me and clear out!’ But Warrior Woman is there to channel her outbursts, so I feel she’d have seen this was really my trigger (some lingering guilt for putting myself out there etc). She’d let me know this didn’t call for her to “defend me” and even less for me to apologize or explain. And I’d feel free to bask in the power my simple gesture had to touch him, even though it was only about me being me and advancing over my bridge. Then I’d say something flirty back (“I feel glad you find it attractive”) and drop the subject (none of his bizness).

  101.  #101Simply Shannon on October 28, 2009 at 7:31 am

    Flipper: I like how your Drama Queen and Warrior Woman feels!! Lingering guilt – yep but I’m working on it. I start feeling scared that I’m making mistakes and find myself wanting to go back to my old comfortable ways. I KNOW my old ways don’t work. It’s a battle. Sha-nay-nay is fighting me tough and nail on it though. Right now she’s winning. πŸ™‚ And Mr. Manly Man has dropped the whole subject and is asking me when’s the earliest I can go out on our date on Friday. He said when I asked what time: “I didn’t have a set time in mind. I just want to see you as long as possible.” And he’s asking me for time on Saturday or Sunday.

    Ohhh how I love to be pursued!!

    My goal from now on is to stop these serious talks when they start happening. “I feel uncomfortable talking so serious while we’re still getting to know one another.” It’s me who allows this crap. I just wanna have fun dangit!

    All my love to you Sirens and Drama Queens. Love, Sha-nay-nay and Shannon

  102.  #102Tracy on October 28, 2009 at 7:41 am

    Alias……………you rock and i totally agree with Flipper…..U say it just right…….
    I love letting out my drama queen.It feels like release for me and i feel excited and happy now….I totally love her and cherish her and i want to listen to her and express how she feels each time….
    My life is getting so much better its unbelievable….funny thing is….its got nothing to do with being with any man…..I feel so much better…..and when i am feeling bad….i know how to feel better again…how cool is that….
    I feel that i am drawing the right man the right life and the right relationship for me….I feel that i am creating something wonderful by just feeling happy and feeling good!
    Life is indeed great!my drama queen is in approval….

  103.  #103Tracy on October 28, 2009 at 7:46 am

    Simply shannon!

    Yeah!being pursued feels heavenly……totally enjoying that from dating at the moment……
    Feels that there is a part of me that has craved for that for quite a long time….Slowly its beginning to feel natural for me…I feel more feminine and into myself…

    I love the phrase about not taking things too fast…..that is so totally cool!!!!!…..i am gonna steal that phrase…..that would make me feel like i am in control yet vulnerable all at the same time….cool!

  104.  #104Nikita on October 28, 2009 at 8:07 am

    Proposal guy called me a drama queen in bed…hehehe….but it’s not my fault!! πŸ™‚
    I feel so mischevious ….. It’s hard for me to ignore his existence when I’m staying in his apartment while he’s away….

    But my drama queen is feeling angry that he likes to “reimburse” me for things as opposed to just taking care of it…
    It doesn’t feel good to me at all….I feel crummy reminding him or keeping score of what he owes me for what….I had to remind him and then I feel bad I’m not rich and can’t just do it myself….I’m also the type to not say anything….and my little fire starter feels like exploding and calling him stingy!!!!

  105.  #105Mary Ann on October 28, 2009 at 8:26 am

    AG…! that was awesome πŸ™‚

    I have been trying to listen to my “psycho bitch” but she works me up into a mean anger. I’m going to attempt to talk to her:
    ma: psycho, why are you so mean?
    pb: because people are mean to us, they take our heart and shred it to pieces…you are the dumb ass who keeps handing it out freely for everyone to use and abuse.
    ma: i know, I’m sorry…i just trust people too easily.
    pb: these assholes need to earn your trust, earn your love…i just want to scream at them and rip their hearts out so they can see how it feels
    ma: well that would be embarracing
    pb: what’s embarracing is you acting like a stupid puppy, “oh he promised he wasn’t going anywhere, he promised you would hear from him” bullshit, he was just trying to get you to f*** him one more time. That you’re good at…why don’t you save it for someone who’s worth it?
    ma: so its wrong for me to believe him?
    pb: its wrong for you to take him at his word, you should wait until he DOES what he’s supposed to, that asshole is all talk. DOESN”T

  106.  #106Nikita on October 28, 2009 at 8:34 am

    Alias Girl,

    I just read your dialogues…thank you for sharing…I felt my heart tremble a bit at the word pauper…thx…I feel a little clearer..I’m renaming- Queen of Fire and Ice πŸ™‚
    That feels solid.
    now how can I stop feeling undeserving and start receiving ?

  107.  #107Nikita on October 28, 2009 at 8:40 am

    I feel sad about my undeserving feelings ..
    I want him to make it easy for me to accept him as the generous person he claims to be. I don’t want to block the blessings with fearful feelings …I feel disappointed about my inner pauper….I want her to go away forever!, I want her to grow into a majestic woman….rags to riches…I ain’t dumb…I got 99 problems but my bitch ain’t one !!!!!! πŸ™‚

  108.  #108Simply Shannon on October 28, 2009 at 8:40 am

    Nikita: Would Fire Starter pay for things? What would Fire Starter say to stop this paying for things? I feel curious.

    Mary Ann: Bring Psycho Bitch to the bouncy house. Join me and Sha-nay-nay as we work out some frustration!



  109.  #109Simply Shannon on October 28, 2009 at 8:43 am

    Oops! Nikita: What would Queen of Fire and Ice say?

    Come in the bouncy house with me!!

  110.  #110Mary Ann on October 28, 2009 at 8:48 am

    ma: i know
    pb: then why don’t you do something about it???
    ma: i don’t know…I keep saying I’m not going to sleep with him again and then he says all the right things and I do it again. I did say no the one night! and I was really proud of myself.
    pb: see…you have to do it until he shapes up or ships out.
    ma: I don;t believe he’s lying though
    ma: right.
    ma: so if you’re the drama queen, why is it I feel like sobbing and pounding my fists on his chest and demanding he see how good he has it!! how lucky he should feel that I’m attracted to his old ass…that I would make him happy…
    pb: that’s whiny bitch coming out…you squash her down even more than me. why do you think you cry at the drop of a hat at tv shows, movies, wedding…commericals!! it the only way she gets any release!
    ma: whiny bitch…what do you have to say?
    wb: i’m sad so much, i just want someone to love me, all of me, so that I feel safe, that they’re not going to leave, so I can be myself and love them back without holding back and be happy without holding back. You’re always afraid that I’m going to scare them away
    ma: you will!! you are like a kid with a new puppy…you’ll squeeze someone to death!
    wb: well practice your feeling messages then so we’re not so pent up!!!!
    ma: i will

  111.  #111Mary Ann on October 28, 2009 at 8:53 am

    thanks Shannon, is it okay if I just lie on the bottom of the bouncy castle and ride the re-bounces for a little while?
    I just don;t have the energy to jump, but i think it will make me feel better to ride the waves πŸ™

  112.  #112Simply Shannon on October 28, 2009 at 9:11 am

    Mary Ann: Of course you can! Just get up when you feel like you want to jump!!


    Bouncing feels like not thinking. Bouncing feels like just having a good time floating up in the air.


    Bouncing allows me to feel the wind in my hair and the strength in my legs as I push myself up.


    Bouncing feels a little unsteady because I never know where I’m gonna land. I can’t control it and I don’t want to. That’s part of the fun!


    AG: I’m in love with the Siren Island Bouncy House you created for us!!


    I feel tired of thinking. I think and think and think and when I think I’ve got it figured out, I realize I know nothing and that whatever I thought wasn’t really real or an accurate depiction of what anyone was thinking.


    I can feel my legs jumping. That’s real. I can feel the wind in my hair. That’s real. I can feel the laughter spilling out of my mouth. That’s real. I can feel my nervousness that I might land on my butt. That’s real. I can feel the exhilaration when I jump high in the air. That’s real.


    I want my life to be a bouncy house. No more serious crap. Move towards the good and away from the bad. Experience the bad but don’t stay there. If I fall down and hurt myself, it’s just a bouncy house and won’t hurt that bad. Get back up and bounce again.

    *** bounce *** bounce *** bounce ***

  113.  #113tinque on October 28, 2009 at 9:29 am

    I love what all of you goddesses have created here. It’s fabulous.

    alias girl – “she expects her orgasm first or at the very least her orgasm must MUST be included in the picture.”

    Absolutely, positively, no question. His orgasms are pretty much a given, not so ours. A good man will not only take the time and care to take care of us, he will revel in it, our orgasms which turn him on all the more by the way.
    He gets off on our getting off. Yes indeed.
    Yum. Yum. Yum.

  114.  #114alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    i feel happy to be on siren island the world’s greates siren mastermind group!!

    thank you for love and support. i feel grateful to share and read everyone’s journey.

    hahahahahaah a i let my inner drama queen guide me just now. i had done some work for some woman who i had worked for before and she keeps cutting out dollars she owes me here andd there. and then when i ask for clarification she comes up with some crap bs and i end up feeling like it’s me that’s being the cheapskate and i should somehow be embarrassed and ashamed for asking. like i should jus “go with the flow” because i need money and work. well today she did it again. and finally after keep mulling it over (with resentment) in my mind i finally decided to call her and share my feelings. not needing her to change but just wanting to share my point of view and also affirm that i desire to keep working for her.

    she wouldn’t take the call. her assitant came back and said i could talk to him about it. i said no, i really didn’t wish to. could she call me back?

    so then he called back a minute later telling me she wants me to talk to him. i said i appreciate that but i will just wait to til the next time i see her.


    anyway i just feel really empowered and i don’t feel angry or resntful for like a victim or a pauper anymore.

    i feel empowwered and self loving and adult and communicative and direct and reasonable. and yet still a QUEEN.

    how dare you treat me like a pauper or slave. how dare you. you are lucky i do not unleash my lions.

  115.  #115alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    itals like the universe is giving me opportunities to grow out of this desparation and slave mentality. this is what kept me imprisoned in my last job for over eight years and never speaking up for myself and just feeling lower and lower about myself until i was frozen and depressed.

    about a month ago a different woman treated me not good and i cleaarly explained to her that i wished to keep working for her but it was not acceptable to speak to me that way and i needed other people to keep their word or i can not be held accountable for some one else’s errors. and she did not rehire me.

    i just can’t go backwards. the lesson i learned was too fiercely painful. the joy i feel from being released from such toxicity is too great. come what may i feel i can do no greater thing for myself than care for myself and let people know it is not ok to treat me like garbage.

    both times i feel dignified and proud of myself. i feel faithful that these are opportunities for me to be my higher more glorious loving self. i refuse to live in fear. i refuse to be imprisoned by my low self esteem fears. come waht may. i choose to speak up in feeling messages and ask questions if i am confused.

  116.  #116laughing goddess on October 28, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    Wow wow wow. I feel cleansed and purified by reading all of this! Thanks so much to all of you who have shared your dq’s.

    I still feel scared to look at mine. She is one nasty mean biotch. She chews people up and spits them out. She is so hard on me. I feel like crying just thinking about it. I feel my eyes filling with tears. I feel scared.

  117.  #117laughing goddess on October 28, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    She is crazy and people hate her and if I let her out everyone will leave and I will but stuck with her alone and I will become her food and she will toy with me like a cat does a mouse. I feel so scared.

    I’m wondering if maybe I am confusing my drama queen with my nasty voice. I feel curious if they are two different things. I feel scared of her, really really scared. She feels like the kind of creature who takes little children down to the basement and tortures them. Is this my drama queen, or my stranger, my nasty voice or maybe a part of me that actually loves myself and is just trying to protect me. I feel scared that if I go deeper I may get so traumatized and need years of therapy to recover. I have pms right now and this is when my scary self really gets to shine.

    Argggggggggggggg, booooo hoooooo

  118.  #118laughing goddess on October 28, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    I want to make peace with the scary children eater and bring her to the bouncy house for some fun times.

    Scary children eater voice sounds suspisciously like my mother.

  119.  #119Nikita on October 28, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    SS ….
    I feel like writing SOS!
    Um, I guess it’s my turn to do a dialogue…but I feel like coming straight to the castle! I don’t want to hear fire starter or the ice queen, or Q fire&ice! Ugh.!!!?!

    Me: um so he acts like I’m some rich girl and I feel bad that I can’t keep up…I only carry so much cash and I feel really insecure when I spend it in ways I didn’t intend to..
    QUeen: what the fuck are u talking about???
    Me: hello! The guy-remember? Mr. Can you just get a taxi and I’ll reimburse you later?
    Queen: oh yeah…doesn’t that prick have a car?
    Me: yes but-
    Queen: yes and he’s been tapping your butt-LOL !
    Me: can you just help me without making jokes? Please? It doesn’t feel funny to me..I feel sad about it.
    Queen: aaw, I’m sorry cutie. That’s what happens when you dump an Italian to focus on plastic man…why don’t you just ask?
    Instead of silently waiting for him to remember? You know how stupid and forgetful men are! This is so strange; you used to be so good about getting money that was owed to you…cat got your tongue?
    Me: I don’t have a cat.
    Queen: look and listen. I don’t even like this guy outside of the bedroom, I say we set him on fire
    Me: I do like him and I’d like to not feel bitter about things like this.
    Queen: maybe he has some Italian friends he can hook you up with-the type that keep money in the front of their brain and don’t let women pay for SHIT! Like that other guy you had all those years…
    Me: um yeah, you mean the one that doesn’t believe in marriage?
    Queen: yeah him, I liked him. Besides you can’t commit anyway.
    Me: I felt insecure with him..
    Queen: not when it came to money..he always had cash in the house and he’d tell you where to find it πŸ™‚
    Me: he also had lots of excuses…can you just help me with this one ????
    Queen: get a new one.
    Me: I like this one.
    Queen: fine-but I warned you; almost perfect is not perfect. You can do better…remember the guy who have you a credit card for valentines day? That’s class!!
    Me: he was annoying
    Queen: no, he was creating true intimacy..and he was always there for you right in your back pocket! That’s real…oh and you had the nerve to feel guilty every time you used it…you ate such a sap.
    Me: and you are a real evil bitch. Stop attacking me and changing the subject.
    Queen: ok-the next time he uses the word reimburse-tell him your vahjayjay is drying up at the thought…and she might even cough up dust.
    Me: yeah that sounds real mature…this is why I don’t talk to you.
    Queen: it’s not my fault you like him too much. Stop being nice! You have nothing to prove. He just wants you to ask so he can feed his ego…he’s insecure. Plastic man. He uses credit cards so he can write you off as a business expense..prick..I hate him-let’s ice him out.
    Me: ok now I feel really frustrated with this conversation.
    Queen: You are a coward. You never could ask for what you want. You just eliminate people that make you ask….
    Me: whatever.
    Queen: that’s a rather mature response.
    Me: you are so fucking sarcastic! That’s why we are single! You and your smart ass mouth!!!!!
    Queen: how do you feel? Dig deep.
    Me: I feel like I should have gone to law school then we wouldn’t be having this conversation because I would have plenty of money and could just pay for everything myself.
    Queen: so you feel like a financial failure?
    Me: I guess.
    Queen: great! That’s his problem since he’s the one that’s been pursuing you.
    Me: huh?
    Queen: hasn’t he dumped all the girls he dated that were in law school?
    Me: uh yeah?
    Queen: so can we deduce that he doesn’t want to date a law type?
    Me: maybe….
    Queen: not maybe. Yes. This is his problem. Besides if you did pay and didn’t call him on the reimbursement he would lose respect for you and call you a controlling bitch anyway.
    Me: huh?
    Queen: sweetheart, men/people value what they pay for…if you set the price at zero that’s exactly what your value would be; zero. He needs to invest. Remember…besides he likes when you call him on his B.S., don’t personalize it-he’s just too lazy to go to the ATM. Make him keep cash in the house if he wants to keep seeing you.-nikitas transportation fund. He’s been dating dumb bitches and hasn’t been properly trained. Train him.
    Me: I feel scared he won’t like me anymore.
    Queen: maybe, for a week or so…then he’ll come back-they always come back.
    Me: no! I want him to get it right the first time!
    Queen: stop controlling him !!!! He’s not Italian!!!!! He needs training!!!! How can you marry him if you’re scared to ask him for money??????? WTF !!!!!!
    Me: so your only advice is ask?
    Queen: yup
    Me: it feels uncomfortable to me.
    Queen: all the more reason to do it…..btw-he’s tight assed cuz u smoke…you have money for cigs but not a taxi?
    Me: that’s none of his fucking business!!!!!!!!
    Queen: right, but he did say it was a dealbreaker…but he likes u enough to tolerate it….I’m just saying…I smell a passive aggressive move on his part…he will not contribute to killing your lungs!!!!!
    Me: ugh! That’s controlling! And speculative!! You don’t know that!!
    Queen: babe, u know how challenged you are when it comes to seeing the obvious.
    Me: hmph!
    Queen: pout all you want.
    Me: how do I ask?
    Queen: reimbursement are double and include 3000 percent interest….are you sure you want to reimburse me, or can you just meet me at the taxi and do your plastic man dance????
    Me: I need a cigarette, I feel entirely overwhelmed..

  120.  #120alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    big *HUGS* laughing goddess.

    i feel so good to read all these dialogues. i feel like when one goddess makes a step for herslef she brings me up with her. i feel grateful.

  121.  #121alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    so the woman who i felt sort of misleads people on pay arrangements just took the time to call and leave a voicemail telling me she doesn’t “have time time” to talk right now and to talk to her assistant about anything i need to talk about.

    i can FEEL things. i know what is going in. i have always known what is truly going on. and other people know too. people just pretend and act weird because they are afraid.

    she KNOWS what i am calling about. and sheKNOWS she is not in the best feeling place about her actions and she KNOWS i am going to say something.

    i feel good to grow into the type of person that is available for people to communicate with me. if i have employees or lovers or children or people i care about i want to be available to them even if i feel wrong or ashamed or uncomfortable or if i have been caught doing something not quite on the up and up. because i want my relationships with people to be GOOD feeling and uplifting for all parties involved.

    alias girl wants to have a true open door policy with her loved ones. yes yes come in. yes i have time for you. yes let’s talk about it and work it out.

    wow that feels so boring. i don’t care. there can still be Fun drama. but i do not want painful, self esteem killing drama.

    i feel bordeom with being such a loving caring person always working things out. i feel conflicted about my conflicting desires. but i feel bad to be mistreated.

    good drama is oh let’s take on a new challenge. or let’s have a play fight so we can make up. or let’s try and make a new recipe and make a mess in the l kitchen. or let’s go ride the rollercoasters.

    bad mean petty drama feels bad mean and petty and i feel like someone is trying to take a big ppo on my head and get away with it and tell me .”no. you are supposed to let me poo on your head. no go get out of here with your stinky poohead” and then i wonder why i feel bad about myself.

    how dare you. that is unacceptable.

  122.  #122Simply Shannon on October 28, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    Laughing Goddess: I don’t believe that Sha-nay-nay is the same as the nasty voices. Sha-nay-nay just says what she thinks without pretense. She doesn’t talk bad to me other than to tell me to stop doing the same ol’ same ol’ song and dance. She wants me to be strong. She wants me to speak the truth (she IS the truth). The NVs are only trying to tear me down and make me feel weak and helpless. Sha-nay-nay is keeping my NV’s ass. If I really think about it, Sha-nay-nay IS my voice. She’s the one who pipes up first before **I** filter her down into something nice.

    Nikita: I liked that dialogue! It would feel unfair to me to have to pay money to come and meet him. That feels a lot like driving to a man. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that either. And having money issues, especially ones where a man owes me money, would also make my vajayjay dry up. I would feel turned off by that too.

    Alias Girl: I would feel exactly the same way about that lady. She probably knows she’s done wrong. Would it feel better to go to her office and speak with her? Maybe make an appt like when asking a man if he has time to talk about something?

    Mr. Manly Man sent me another text today about me seeing other men. This time I brushed it off with a joking comment. I’ve said my piece about it, and I refuse to be drawn into a serious conversation again right now. Definitely not thru text messages. We’re going out on Friday and again for a bit on Saturday afternoon. I feel good. Sha-nay-nay is right here with me. I can do this. I can be open and soft but strong all at the same time. I feel confident that no other woman has told him no like this before. He’s such a sweetie but also has this totally masculine side. I feel intoxicated around him. it’s only when he tries to push me that I feel uncomfortable. I’m hoping that as I continue to be strong but open/vulnerable to him, he’ll come around… or get down on his knee. Truthfully with this guy, I wouldn’t put it past him to ask me even though we’ll only dated a few weeks. What in the world would I do then? I honestly have no idea. Eckkk!


  123.  #123dejavu on October 28, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    My inner Drama Queen – I just asker her what her name is….it’s *STAR*, and she is, no doubt about it. She stands there quietly, speaking to me through my intuition, until somebody rattles my cage enough, and away we go! She’s strong, unafraid, honest, and fair. She’s beautiful, and she plays to WIN. She’s been kicking my butt for months about this female ‘friend’ of mine, and I have been pushing away the feeling because I didn’t want it to be true…one day, I had enough, I listened, I let her out and she led the way…it’s been a peaceful 4 months without this manipulating so-called friend in my life, who’s been trying to mess things up for me FOREVER. Bye-Bye!! It just occurred to me that i don’t ever have to feel alone again,…I have *STAR*. I have already let her handle a few family members (LOL) So now, I am starting to let her out to deal with the men…….learning to trust her……should be interesting.

  124.  #124gina on October 28, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    my inner drama queen is named jessica. she’s here to take care of numero uno (me). I appreciate that, however she lacks social skills. It’s best when I listen to her when she senses trouble, but I handle it. When she takes care of business, she’s so busy taking care of me that she destroys my relationships with other people. She doesn’t care about my relationships. She’s jealous – she says I don’t need anybody but her. So that’s her flaw – her insight is valuable, but I have to make sure that I don’t fall for her tricks. If I don’t maintain control, she flies off the handle and I get blamed.

  125.  #125gina on October 28, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    Lately I’ve been feeling sorta satisfied with a low key lifestyle that I’ve got going on – I work a couple of restaurant jobs, which is lacking prestige, and yet I live in a nice apartment in downtown, my bills are paid, and I can afford to have “a life.” And yet, some part of me has been judging my laid back life. I’ve been asking myself if and when I will put forth the effort to accomplish more: I’ve been dabbling in True Beauty, but I’ve yet to commit to new goals. Then, today, I got a comment on a video that I put up on youtube a year ago – it was complimentary about my True Beauty Program, but it ended with this advice: “a woman must start her own engine and drive down the highway at 50 miles per hour before she should take on passengers.” And i was like, Damn. What was lacking in the video to convince this stranger that I am an unworthy messenger? hmmm…but then I realized that this person is a stranger, and his opinion doesn’t matter, but the universe is sending me a message here. Dang! does this mean that I need to be more accomplished in life before I can even do True beauty? Or is developing True Beauty into a viable business a worthy venture in itself? I was debating this all day, and then tonight I watched an episode of Ugly Betty. She is observing a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. Another character said something about how she believes that the caterpillar remains in the cocoon a little longer than necessary because change is difficult. I took this as part two of the message – the warm encouraging part. then my roommate came home and I told her about the comment on Youtube, and she said something about how I’m almost 30 and I need to get a move on. She feels super motivated to work hard to become a doctor. She’s in nursing school now, and none of it is coming easy to her, but I feel jealous that she feels so motivated and driven. She says that she wants to push herself to the limits – to know as much as possible, to push herself to physical exhaustion. I don’t feel that way. I do want to feel purposeful and accomplished. I like to be creative. I want to turn myself on. the only way I know to start is to sit down with a pen and write a plan and then take some action. What would driving down the highway at 50 miles per hour look in my life?

  126.  #126Tina on October 28, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    I said to much blah. I feel bad, I feel I offended at least a few people, really dont know how many. There was a “meeting” government stats where pulled out to make this point, oh yes this is a problem, yes yes yes. The group tried to paint a rosey picture of the seriousness of these alarming stats. I let it all out, some left the group, I feel bad now blah. I cant really talk openly about it though on this blog but yeah that was my day. I feel like I’ll be taken out and flogged or something.

  127.  #127Nikita on October 28, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Thx….we actually set a massive fire 3 hours ago….I mean massive. I cried….I feel angry ….he keeps apologizing but….I feel so dry….inside…I expressed how I felt…I told him reimbursing does not feel good to me at all…and he said I’m the only woman he ever dated where he paid for everything…
    Hmph!!! Not my fault they’re dumb bitches. So I told him what I’m used to….not going in my purse for anything….do these men have any clue how much a manicure, pedicure, eyebrow wax, BIKINI wax costs???? Or lipstick?? Or stockings??? WTF!!!!!!!!
    You want me to look a certain way…well I do!!! So now what motherfucker??? I dare you to let me go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck.
    I spend time traveling to him-my time is worth money.
    Like my 7th grade math teacher used to say; “where one won’t, another one will”!

  128.  #128Tina on October 28, 2009 at 10:37 pm

    Yes, I made a mistake, I hurt some womens feelings. Complacency and “lets just avoid that big ole huge pink elephant has no room when I am feeling passionate about my life and what I do. I feel the people there were not really looking to be part of the solution ( lets just pretend”. I “vented” to much, well actually the forum was set up that way, know one told me when I arrived it was a “mock” thing. I was like oh dang! A few women got upset and left.

  129.  #129Tina on October 28, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    I feel like a letter of apology is in order. An opportunity for growth *sigh. I feel tired of kissing butts and blowing smoke up them grrr. My two bosses where there yipes!

  130.  #130Daria on October 28, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    I wore the outfit I wore to the that Hrystian seminar and of course guys were falling all over me to grab me (my drunk friends)

    and to compliment my “color coordination” (strangers)

    and to ask me where i got my shoes (first time meet dater)


    but it was the first not the second day in it

  131.  #131Tina on October 28, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    People were on side with me and actually thought it was funny but I dont feel any better about it. I need to learn oh I dont know the word? tact? Now IM going to be the big meany for awhile blah. Im not a meany πŸ™

  132.  #132Daria on October 28, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    Im feeling good thanks to reading your goddess reports

  133.  #133Daria on October 28, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    I spent a fun day with my guy friends

    they called me and asked me for a ride (universe testing me after my sister)

    and I asked for $ 10… (getting there)

    and had fun!

    was taken care of… (they made sure not to abandon me and pass me on to one another’s “care” if they had to leave lol)

    Aaaand… they asked for rides 3 times a week because they need help getting to work and i asked them for $25 bucks which

    would actually be putting some extra cash in my pocket!

    oh yeah!!

  134.  #134Daria on October 28, 2009 at 10:51 pm

    ps they said yeah

    they also said they love me a lot which always feels good

    then i heard some stuff that made me feel poweless and outraged and my friend was basically telling me to stay positive but my warrior gangster side was like feeling gangster and um destructive

    but now that i got to the blog that side has been relaxing now and im feeling good and getting to feel all the feel good feelings yeah!

    ps i saw guy who had a baby he avoided us and went the other way, maybe hes acting weird to them too not just me (who knows)

    i felt loooveeelyyy with my friends

    they kept asking to have sex with me lol which felt annoying and flattering

  135.  #135Daria on October 28, 2009 at 11:13 pm

    “no. you are supposed to let me poo on your head. no go get out of here with your stinky poohead”

    hmm… if i look at it this way maybe it will make it easier for me to stand up for myself

    like with woman at the bar

  136.  #136Daria on October 28, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    Zanida would say:

    Girl are you crazy you just interrupted my conversation to ask him if his number is in your phone?

    You really got me fucked up i thought you had a real reason?

    you know what im getting out of here


    that sounds easy enough

    but what if she continued with (something)

    Zanida would say:

    Girl I am not from Hollywood I am from the bay area… i dont know how you do it out ehre but im starting to get really pist off

    and im not tryna get into no drama outside a bar about a man i dont even know

    so im out of here

    (if i really liked the man i probably would have said something to him too… but i didnt feel particularly inspired to)

  137.  #137Daria on October 28, 2009 at 11:17 pm

    she tried to poopoo on my head! she said No youre supposed to let me poo poo on your head

    I feel mad

    I still feel the scared ness

    the scaredness comes from feeling all trembly and feeling afraid of getting in trouble for hitting people

  138.  #138Daria on October 28, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    she said

    “no. YOu’re supposed to let me poo poo on y our head”

    GIrl you got me fucked up. I must look stupid to me but you really got me fucked up. This is straight up rude. What is wrong with you?

  139.  #139Daria on October 28, 2009 at 11:19 pm

    so what if the girl says stuff back

    she probably wont start a fight

    so what if she starts a fight

    i will whoop her ass anyway

    i just gotta learn to get outta there Fast (and First)

  140.  #140Daria on October 28, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    since were doing drama queens i dont even care! So what I like to beat people up!

    I might go back to fighting class lol and beef up my punching skills… i punched my drunk guy friend today and misconnectedly hurt my pinky knuckles

  141.  #141Nikita on October 28, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    I feel better, stronger, going home in the morning…time to say farewell to this city and meditate on this inner queen …but I do feel good about not being plugged into my ex…even though he was generous…we shall see what rises out of the ashes of my fire…can I rename my queen again to phoenix?….of course I can…mmm..I miaght have 4 queens inside of me….meeting now in session πŸ™‚

  142.  #142Daria on October 28, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    Tina I feel furious at that a lot

    lets just pretend the huge bloody ripped apart elephant is not in the room when im feleing good with my life tra lalala


    I feel furious

    I want to kill kill kill kill

  143.  #143Daria on October 28, 2009 at 11:36 pm

    I ffl worried that killing willl lead to people coming in a group and capturing me and putting me in a place that is closed forever

  144.  #144alias girl on October 28, 2009 at 11:37 pm

    i feel like i am in love. (with no man in the picture)
    i feel like i have the best parents i could have ever wanted and they are teaching my first class stuff to get on well in the world (my “real” parents are so out of the picture of my great life. thank you.)

    i feel so … what is the word? precioso. ah my EX used to say that to me sometimes. i haven’t spoken to him in a long time. i miss him. or some imaginary idea of him, i’m not sure which.

    i miss three of my exes. i love love loved them anyway that is not at ALL what i was going to write.

    i am writing about feeling good. and cared for.

    i auditioned for a game show today and they did not “pick” me. i did not get “picked.” and for about ten minutes i lamented about how terrible it feels not to be “picked” and then my mind shifted to something else.

    THANK YOU for this new normal where i bounce back quicker and happier to my new higher ground. THANK YOU!

    HOW Dare YOU NOT PICK ME! YOU FOOLS, YOU FOOLS. HAHA NOT REALLY. i don’t even care about it anymore. who cares. lots of other way cool things are going to happen to me and bring me joy than not being “picked” by people who don’t realize the big fun i would have brought to their show.

    they picked all the “normies” to stay. good. i will win on the show where all the “weirdos” get “picked”.

  145.  #145Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:11 am

    I was talking online to a friend and he just happened to be in the same city where I cancelled my 5 day coffee date, he was the entertainment for the night, he gave me the low down on this coffee guy and said he is glad I made the decision not to go. I would have loved to see my friend though. He is really funny, we had a moment once, just a hug but man what a hug! He was chatting with me from the same hotel my “date” is at lol.

  146.  #146Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:16 am

    This all happened tonight, I am glad I didnt go just from what I have heard, this ex model got beaten pretty badly from a wife of one of these guys. He asked me ” your attracted to this effed up guys lol” I said no they seem to be attracted to me, there is a message here, He said he was glad I followed my heart, although the guy I was meeting is single but yeah, just the company he keeps. He said dont be suprised if he comes out there to see you. anway, so glad to not be there. My friend said we would have ran away if it was not working out for me.

  147.  #147Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:19 am

    I feel so gulliable at times, I want to believe there is good people *sniffle

  148.  #148Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:23 am

    Alias girl that would have been so cool to watch you on a game show. We could have our own game show! hehe you get to win all the time!

  149.  #149Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:28 am

    Daria, I feel furious too, I feel bad now, for not being “nice”

  150.  #150Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:29 am

    I could have been “nice” I just wasnt feeling it today. I’ve managed to piss off people, I feel mean, not liked and feel like I’ll be flogged for being so outspoken and kinda in your face.

  151.  #151laughing goddess on October 29, 2009 at 12:32 am

    i would pick you for my show AG!

    I’m feeling good and peaceful. I felt moments of misery today…mostly due to a raging case of pms but it has passed now with no painful consequences. I feel so grateful for that. I feel proud of my evolution. I feel proud.

    I feel curious to connect with my inner drama queen. Still haven’t quite made the connection. Thanks Simply Shannon for helping me to realize that I was listening to my NV.

    I feel excited to unlock my DQ. Hmmmmm, what is her name? Precious pops to mind. or sunshine. hmmmmmm I feel like I need to dig deeper.

    Love you guys! Good night

  152.  #152Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:32 am

    Some people where like OMG I cant believe she said that. some told later that it was kinda funny. the reactions I recieved was mixed, a few ladies stormed out all pissed off and offended. blah god i wish I didnt go but I was invited to come speak .

  153.  #153laughing goddess on October 29, 2009 at 12:34 am

    I feel sad to hear about your rough day Tina. I feel hopeful that its not really as bad as you think.

  154.  #154Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:40 am

    Thank you Laughing goddess, Im just going to sit tight and see what happens. I did use a lot of feeling messages though. mixed with border line accusations, and some swear words πŸ™ oops! I made a comment about religion as well , I feel doomed

  155.  #155Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:43 am

    I was very much in boy energy but leaned way back,saying I feel , blah, I’m really upset by this but yeah your right tomorrow is another day.

  156.  #156alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 12:46 am

    tina i feel supportive. i feel understanding and compassion.

    and thanks laughing goddess and tina about the game show. who cares for them. i am going to have my own tv show— the alias girl show — and that will be just as much, if not, more fun.

    i went to church tonight. the guyy who was talking said

    your thoughts are like trains. imagine you are in central station, there are all these trains running in all different directions but do you even concern yourself with the trains that are going where you are headed? no.

    there is all this noise and you just tune it out and you pay attention to the train that is headed where you are headed.

    it sounded very profound when he was saying it and it was hitting my ears but i feel inadequate in my retelling. i may be missing some elements of it.

  157.  #157alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 12:51 am

    yuh and i didn’t even write it out right.

    are you even concerned with the trains that are NOT headed where you want to go? NO.

  158.  #158Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:53 am

    The strange this was while I was speaking I could hear the “voices” of other women, real btw, not pretend time. Their complaints to me, their concerns , real life situations, I just voiced it. I couldnt stop myself. That great big elephant was there, they chose to not see it, the thing was lots of money went into to this whole forum to hear the concerns, the people in position to help were offended leaders, social workers, drug and alchohol front line people , government officials. I feel dooooooooooooom! I just hope I dont get fired.

  159.  #159Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:56 am

    Makes sense Aliasgirl , direction focus , the love train hehehe , I love that song!

  160.  #160Daria on October 29, 2009 at 12:58 am

    Oh Tina I feel so curious to know what you said and what it was about…

    i feel sad that you said you cant say it or wont say it

    i feel like disappointed and

    i dono

  161.  #161Daria on October 29, 2009 at 1:01 am

    I feel furious that people stormed out!

    i feel judgemental!

  162.  #162alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 1:01 am

    tina maybe you will get a PROMOTION! maybe you are the voice people needed to hear????!!!

  163.  #163Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:06 am

    It’s all “confidential” so I cant really go into detail about it nevermind internet lol yipes!

    First of all, I am a aboriginal woman , native american whatever. I work in drug and alchohol and live on a reservation blah anyway. Deep issues, I just feel uncomfortable speaking about my work plus I signed a confidentialy agreement lol.

  164.  #164Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:12 am

    Some of the women were saying “oh no that doesnt happen here” my gosh no! I said yes it does and your part of the problem. We have stats that clearly say we got a problem.

  165.  #165Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:16 am

    It was thrown at me that I was offending the “ancestors” like give me a break! fck im pissed right now.

  166.  #166Nikita on October 29, 2009 at 1:21 am

    I feel bitchy πŸ™

    Technically. I don’t pay for ANYTHING, but I feel drama around it because I have to ask….not everytime but a few times…and it feels awful….I feel stingy…but it’s the principle…he makes way more than me….he agreed to all transportation costs.PERIOD. I walked away…so then he came to pick me up himself….then he slips and says that word -reimburse-I am not fond of that-because I feel weird reminding him…and then I get dramatic….why …?
    He always fixed it-apologizes…and keeps calling but I feel bad asking…why do I feel bad? Why can’t it feel casual? I know what I want….I can feel it…it’s coming -I can feel it ….I almost feel bad for him-my reaction is different from everyone else…but I don’t want what feels like a business voucher relationship where we keep score…and watch the numbers…no…I want to feel protected..and cherished at ALL times….I do not want to feel forgotten! The Q will forget YOU!
    Sigh* he’s so sweet, he tries πŸ™‚
    But I’m such a stickler….I feel prickly πŸ™
    I love my prickly feelings..I feel happy I said….oh no, poopooing on my head is prohibited..and strictly enforced…please address me as your prize….I have blowtorches and I enjoy them…please bring me only joy so that I never get bored and perform silly blow torch tricks…I love my blow torch trix πŸ™‚

  167.  #167Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:33 am

    I want a blow torch !

  168.  #168Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:37 am

    So I can light some fire under peoples asses!

  169.  #169Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:48 am

    Life, tina, is not what you see, but what you’ve projected. It’s not what you’ve felt, but what you’ve decided. It’s not what you’ve experienced, but how you’ve remembered it. It’s not what you’ve forged, but what you’ve allowed. And it’s not who’s appeared, but who you’ve summoned.

    And this should serve you well, beloved, until you find, what you already have.

    The Universe

  170.  #170Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:52 am

    I just love the “universe”

  171.  #171Crazy_Tribal_Lady on October 29, 2009 at 1:53 am


  172.  #172Crazy_Tribal_Lady on October 29, 2009 at 1:55 am

    It’s me Tina , I changed my name hehe.

  173.  #173Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:56 am

    ok Im back

  174.  #174Daria on October 29, 2009 at 1:59 am

    btw im not pregnant

    but i did feel like yacking again after having chicken soup

    actually i realized that both times ive started feeling sick were after feeling very intense anger

    in the whole live

    and i got a live acupuncture cleanse

    so maybe thats why

  175.  #175Daria on October 29, 2009 at 1:59 am

    not live

  176.  #176Daria on October 29, 2009 at 2:00 am

    interesting how i left out r twice

    what was up with that hmm

  177.  #177Daria on October 29, 2009 at 2:01 am

    I feel hugs tina

  178.  #178Daria on October 29, 2009 at 2:01 am

    I feel tina is an inspiration for me in standing up for myself

    has been since she came to the island

  179.  #179Daria on October 29, 2009 at 2:04 am

    called man who is friend yet in love with me yet hovers

    (lean forward)

    was looking for “help’ in talking thru “problem” of having intense feelings over something

    man helped!

    feeling better

  180.  #180Linda on October 29, 2009 at 4:41 am

    I told my mom at dinner last night about my inner drama queen. She said you go girl!…. it is about time. LOL

    Love this post!


  181.  #181Simply Shannon on October 29, 2009 at 8:02 am

    Nikita: “please address me as your prize….I have blowtorches and I enjoy them…please bring me only joy so that I never get bored and perform silly blow torch tricks…I love my blow torch trix.”

    BRILLIANT!!! Love, love, love it!! Firestarter back in the house! πŸ™‚

    Mr. Manly Man and I had the conversation again last night. Crap. I cannot seem to figure out how to slow the pace of this conversation. Part of me is interested in hearing what he has to say but another part of me just wants to have fun and leave this serious stuff for later. He actually made the comment last night that we are headed to the same goal but from different paths. He doesn’t like that I don’t want to be exclusive until someone asks me to marry them. His comment was something like “I wouldn’t ever ask someone to marry me if they were dating other people. Just would not happen.” I said he had every right to do this the way he wants but I don’t feel safe being exclusive while we’re both deciding what we want. I want a man who has decided and is asking me to be with him, not one who is still testing the waters with me. I may have botched that royally but ehhh… oh well.

    He also made an interesting comment that made me take a second look at myself. He works in HR and is (according to him and his coworkers) a pretty good judge of character. I asked him to tell me what he thought was my character. He said I think you’re scared a lot and looking for bad things to happen. Eck! That is spot on for me. I do find myself waiting for that one thing to happen that will be a deal breaker for me. It feels like I’m waiting for that ugly thing to rear its head and show me how stupid I’ve been. I’ve been trying to teach myself that, no matter what, if something bad does happen I’ll be okay. That’s the only way I can deal with being scared. Does that resonate with anyone? Is there a better way to deal with it?

    Last observation, Mr. Manly Man doesn’t stand a chance against my Goddess. πŸ™‚ He may talk tough and try to grandstand but he cares about me and he wants me something fierce. He’s trying to push my buttons too and see what happens. As much as he thinks I’m scared, I sense he feels the same way. Maybe, just maybe, my being strong and not bending to his will is a way to show him that I am strong and I can be his safe harbor too. That I won’t put up with his bullshit. And in a weird way, I think he finds that sexy. He is under my spell. Haha!


  182.  #182Tracy on October 29, 2009 at 8:37 am

    I feel compassion for whats going on……hang in there…..Everything happens just so that we can really discover who we really are…its all for a good reason….i feel that sometimes when things seem tough…that is when miracles begin to unfold……hang in there…..
    Shannon…..Totally love the way you stood up for your own feelings!… rock…..
    It just goes to show that the more authentic we are the more attractive we become!……its no surprise the guy is all over you…enjoy it….

  183.  #183Tracy on October 29, 2009 at 8:48 am

    I was listening to a conversation where my workmates were discussing on how young women should get married really quick since the men are not enough to go round before they end up without husbands……This a common belief among people in my country and it triggers me each time i hear it…..
    Today however though my old fears came back…..I felt a sense of relief knowing that whatever circumstances come to my life…are those that i will have allowed and not what anybody else thinks or has an opinion about because at the end of the day…its just their opinion…
    and with circular dating for me has actually demonstrated that there are more than enough men to go around…..
    I now feel that what is really triggered is my own fear of not getting what i want…..I feel afraid of falling into circumstances because “that’s the way life is”……
    i choose not to be a victim of circumstance but a creator of a loving and exciting circumstances……..
    It feels much better that way…

  184.  #184Nikita on October 29, 2009 at 10:23 am


    LOL ! Why on earth is calling a man on his BS sexy ???? I feel so curious about this! I mean; why is he bull-shitting in the first place???

    I CALL BS on Mr.Manly Man’s assessment-it’s like a psychic hotline -too general, can be applied to anyone. We are ALL perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop….we are all scared-men too!!!!
    He is soooooooo projecting!!!
    Haha-I call BS!!!!!!!
    I would set up our next date near a diamond place….cuz we all know he’s gonna bring it up again….then I’d casually take a walk with him and look at some rings…that should get his balls to shrink back inside of his body for at least 2-3 weeks…. πŸ™‚
    Twisted Fire Starter πŸ™‚
    Of course the technique is open to interpretation ….mr manly man is so cute….he has a crush….hehehe….he’s in loooooooove…he likes you…..he feels scared……of the boogie man with BALLS….hajahahaha……(wicked laugh) Smile!

  185.  #185Simply Shannon on October 29, 2009 at 10:26 am

    Gina: What would driving down the highway at 50 miles per hour look in my life? If you feel like it, I’d enjoy knowing what this looks like for you. I feel curious.

    Tina: What are your reasons for feeling like you said something wrong? It sounds like you spoke the truth. While that may feel scary, did it really feel wrong to you?

    Daria: I feel proud reading how you turned the whole car driving thing around so that you feel good about it!

    Tracy: I just had this conversation with my girlfriend at lunch today! Why do we encourage women to lock down themselves with men they don’t even know? Why do **I** allow myself to be locked down before I know the man in front of me? There are so MANY men out there. That belief feels so limiting like I’m being forced or pressured. I so wish that Rori had a class for young women. Something we could all pass along to our daughters, nieces, etc. to teach them how to guide their way without feeling like they have to be married by XYZ time. Instead to focus on finding yourself and finding a man who complements you and makes you feel good with them. Not just looking to lock ourselves and HIM up in a jail cell together making each other miserable! Blech. I revolt against that thought.

  186.  #186Simply Shannon on October 29, 2009 at 10:55 am

    Nikita: LOL! I like Twisted Fire Starter! I feel sexy and powerful not caving to his opinion. So maybe I’m just projecting my thoughts on to him. I guess I feel different from every other woman (except the Sirens of course!) who just say “ok” or “that’s fine, I’ll do it your way” just to please a man! I can almost guarantee that Mr. Manly Man has never had someone tell him no. He has no idea who he’s dealing with (and he hasn’t even met Sha-nay-nay).

    Although this has been a draining conversation with him, it’s been good for me because I’ve proven to myself that I won’t cave! I’m doing this my way damnit! Literally when we’re talking last night, I could hear my head saying “just do it, just be his girl, go exclusive, what could it hurt? he clearly likes you. I think he’s the one.”

    Well… Sha-nay-nay said “aww hell no. Shut up Ms. Head. I’m feeling pressured here. I don’t know this boy. I know him well enough to know that he’s sweet, charming and one hell of a masculine man, but that’s it. Am I really sure I can deal with someone being this “in charge”? I know I fantasize about a man being the lead and being in control, but this one might be a little too much. So shut up Ms. Head and stick with Rori’s program. You don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend!!!”

    So that’s what I did. Just listened and said what I wanted to say but didn’t cave. What sweet relief!! I stood up for myself and I did not CAVE! I also told him this conversation felt so draining to me. He got it, so hopefully we’ll start having other conversations besides this one.

    He wants me, he wants me, he wants me. πŸ™‚ I actually am starting to feel amused about the whole situation. He acts tough but really I think this one would give me the world if I let him. I just need to time to trust that it’s not all an effort to get in my pants or test drive me for awhile. I want the real-deal, not a car salesman!

  187.  #187Daria on October 29, 2009 at 11:41 am

    ack i feel turned off by the idea that taking a man by a ring shop would shrink his balls

    men Do want to marry me hehe

    they want to marry sirens

  188.  #188Tracy on October 29, 2009 at 11:46 am

    Amen to that!………….I feel glad that i am letting go of the limiting belief….I feel more relieved and i am enjoying my dates and taking my time….baby steps….Yay….

  189.  #189Daria on October 29, 2009 at 11:52 am


    i love the sun

  190.  #190Nikita on October 29, 2009 at 11:56 am


    Nice ….I feel better drawing boundaries and hammering out the details before my gooey feelings get involved-I feel better negotiating with a clear head. Then the guy can’t say “I didn’t know! You didn’t tell me that’s what you wanted! We want different things…” NO! You knew! I was clear! Don’t play stupid now!!!

    Ps the harder they are; the HARDER they fall πŸ™‚

  191.  #191Nikita on October 29, 2009 at 12:03 pm


    When I said shrinking balls I’m referring to the balls he has to ask her to stop seeing other people…that’s nerve, so soon into a courtship….family is like coffee; it shouldn’t be INSTANT πŸ™‚
    Mr manly man’s ballsy attitude could be very good for being brave enough to propose….instead of attempting to throw his masculine weight/energy around without knowing and expressing his true intentions in a concrete way….let him be patient until he’s certain…..enjoy the moment…relax…respect shanaynay’s gangster πŸ™‚

  192.  #192Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    Thank you Daria and Nikita

    S.S I just feel really afraid for telling the truth. I felt icky, just icky. I can most certainly back what I said. Unfortunately I what I said did not sit well with a few people. I spoke from my vajayjay hahahaha my vagjayjay was feeling really furious about other peoples attitudes about the subject of achohol and drugs, more like judgements , not real solutions. anyway, I got a postive response from younger people, which is good. Crazy B came out, dont know if she squeaked by but yeah she had a lot to say. She sat beside me πŸ™‚

  193.  #193Daria on October 29, 2009 at 12:26 pm

    hehe! nikita! family is like coffee it shouldnt be INSTANT! loool

  194.  #194alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 12:39 pm


    “the harder they are, the harder they fall,”


    so true.

  195.  #195Tina on October 29, 2009 at 12:40 pm

    Simply Shannon, He is supposed to feel like he is the one that YOU are choosing, not the other way around. You are choosing him, maybe. I do the same thing, I feel a bit on guard, especially early on, I dont trust myself fully yet. This is a completely new way of being, its not familiar enough for me to say and do these things with ease. I am still practicing. I would feel a guarded and a start feeling a little pissed off that he is trying to knock me off my horse, maybe he isnt intentionally, I dunno. I dont like the feeling of being tested thats all. Crazy B says her “PATIENCE” feels like it is being tested hahaha I cant laugh at her to much she gets really winded up. I just dont see (well not anymore) why he would never give a woman an engagment ring while she is still dating others.

  196.  #196Uschi on October 29, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    Drama Queen,
    I used to be a drama queen in ways that were horrible, when there was a fight I used to throw things, and having a temper tantrum, scream, yell, when I didn’t get what I wanted that was when I was really young like 30 years ago, then I got rid of her as I got older and she kind of got stuffed down and wasn’t allowed out because the ME realized that it wasn’t the way to go and destroyed things even more. So I became really, really nice about things and reading Rori’s post made me realize that big time just now – another AHA moment – seems to me like Rori is walking around in the different rooms in my head and switching on one light bulb after another. Wow that’s gonna turn into one heck of a power bill LOL – but I’d rather pay that in the form of time and learning then going on the way I have been in the past which didn’t do anything good for me.
    Though learning the new way is a constant thing of trying to be being aware not letting things slip and consciously slow down, try to ground myself and search for what is there in the way of feelings and so many times I don’t get it or feel anything. Still learning, still struggling but things are getting better.

  197.  #197Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    Simply Shannon, I start to feel drained when I am taking care of his feelings, I realzied this just recently, I do that. When I am taking care of him and his feels I feel drained. I feel like I am doing some convincing behavior, it’s ok for me, like I said I will say it until I am convinced for myself that I am worth it. I feel shaky saying it like last night, I was talking to a man, I felt he was trying to break me down, he suggested that there was “something wrong” with me. He did have a girlfriend and during the course of our convo he said, she is FOR NOW i was blown away by this, wow ok. That they have an agreement which doesnt include FOREVER wow not those words exactly but yeah , he said she was ok with this, I said I find that hard to believe because at some point after having sex with you (man)like that I would feel bonded attached , in love, insecure, whatever I would want a commitment, I want to see his beautiful face everyday of my life blah blah blah, he signed off and left me hanging lol , he doesnt know what I know hahhaa silly man.

  198.  #198Mary Ann on October 29, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    Hi all!

    Tina…I think its great you spoke your mind, I do know what you’re thinking as I have made people cry at work due to my bluntness. I have been called a “strong” person at work. Maybe take this as an opportunity to practice? Try writing out what you said and change it into a feeling message or just find the most professional way to say it? Just a thought…

    Shannon, thanks for letting me ride the waves yesterday..I needed that πŸ™‚ I was talking to a good male friend today about my plan not to become exclusive with anyone until I find the real thing and he said if he knew someone he wanted to date was dating other people he would not date them. I said why not? He said he would never date more than one person at a time and he would want the same in return. From date #1.
    Rori…what do you think about that?

    Daria, I have similar issues with my best friend..she asks for a lot of favours. Sometimes it really bugs me and I just tell her I can’t and I don’t offer why. I just say sorry I won’t be available. We have been friends since we were 8 and she has been there for me many times in different ways, so I do think it evens out over all for us, however its only been recently that I can say no. I think its a good step for me to able to. I’m proud of myself. I feel very supportive of you supporting yourself in this. πŸ™‚

    Gina..I feel curious too!

  199.  #199Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    The men friends I have are Aholes to women, this works to my benefit, since I am not sleeping with them πŸ™‚

  200.  #200Simply Shannon on October 29, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    Nikita: I’ve had instant coffee a few times already and let me tell ya – it’s nasty and bitter and leaves grit in your mouth when you’re done. LOL!

  201.  #201Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:25 pm

    nor do I want to sleep engage marry ANY of them!

  202.  #202gina on October 29, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    I feel relieved to know that I’m not the only one who speaks my mind to the dismay of others sometimes (tina). and it feels good to know that even a poised siren (nikita) can get thrown off by the shenanigans of a man. And it feels good to know that it’s possible for a good man to show up and be so eager to tie us down that we have a new problem of holding off till the right time, without pushing him away or running away ourselves (SS). Sometimes my situations feel so PERSONAL – like my big fat Problem – and reading about the challenges of other sirens reminds me of the universality of our struggles and I don’t feel so alone or weird. So, thanks for sharing your stories, Ladies.

    Life at 50 mph…hmmm. I can imagine it in the past, or in what I guess could be the future, but it’s hard to say what would be really LIVING right now.

    I’d be doing 1-2 true beauty workshops per week. I’d have a big company sponsoring me, so that I could do them at public schools. I’d do a road trip across texas in a bus full of supplies. Their would be a camera crew filming the trip and there would be an MTV show about it. I would write a book that would be a big hit – I’d be interviewed on the today show, Oprah and local news segments. Dove would get in touch with me to partner up. My program would become an official part of Uniquely me. dove would hire me to do Keynote speeches all over. Dove would create a Television special about body image, and I would be the host. I would be spotted for being good on camera, and I would be offered a small role on a TV show. I would do a great job, and then i would be offered a regular spot on the TV show. I would do a great job, win an award, and eventually, I would play a significant role in a movie. somewhere in here, I’d like to have kids. In fact I would maybe give it all up in order to have a nice normal family with an adorable home, and a nice garden with a good man. I’d write a children’s book series that would become popular, and would eventually be made into a television series, and a movie later on.

  203.  #203Simply Shannon on October 29, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    Mary Ann: Are you talking to Mr. Manly Man too? My gosh – that is EXACTLY what he’s saying to me. I still think it’s bullshit. Sha-nay-nay: Fine, you don’t want to date me while I date other man, do not let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Me: I feel uncomfortable being exclusive when we’re both still deciding what we want. I don’t want to feel pressured to be with someone I don’t really know yet.

    This is male posturing. Like Nikita said, throwing his male weight/energy around. So very true. And MOST women (including myself) have caved to this shit. A girlfriend without a ring = test drive!! Hell no.

    RORI: I would love some new posts about how to handle when you are dating multiple men. This is a big theme for me right now and I fall all over the words when I’m trying to express my feelings. This is such a radical change in my own thinking that sometimes I can’t explain it. Guys do NOT understand this. Or at a minimum, they are giving me a hard time with it. (Mr. Manly Man is not the first.) Right now I’m following your rules like they’re the Bible until I truly believe them in my heart. Please write more so that I have so more words here. Thank you!!

  204.  #204gina on October 29, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    okay, that’s a nice dream. but I don’t think that really helps cause sometimes I imagine something, and I’m satisfied. Like i don’t actually have to DO it, cause I imagined it and that’s about as much work as I’m willing to do. I think my life at 50 mph would be my nose down WORKING on True Beauty Workshops every day. It would be waking up early, going to a yoga class, coming back home and making scary phone calls asking. It would be setting up appointments with people to share my program. it would be buying supplies in bulk and dedicating a couple of days a week to preparation. It would be writing letters of introduction to prospects, and thank you letters. It would inviting local media to my events. it would be creating new videos. It would be taking footage that i have yet to edit, and putting it together and posting it on my website. it would be updating my logo and all of my marketing materials. my life at 50 mph would be work. And the rewards that I mentioned before will come, but the main thing is that I gotta get ACTIVE.

  205.  #205Nikita on October 29, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    Nikita takes a bow and quietly sits down to watch the fireworks πŸ™‚

    Kiss kiss

    *bouncy* bounce πŸ™‚

  206.  #206Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    Gina, that is AWESOME!

  207.  #207Tina on October 29, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    and really cool t-shirts Gina πŸ™‚

  208.  #208Mary Ann on October 29, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    lol..standing “o” for Nikita as she takes her bow πŸ™‚

    SS. See my friends are like your Mr. Manly Man, however the men I seem to want to date are the ones who want to be free and can’t even commit to a phone call.

    Uh o..I feel some drama coming out…”HE” can’t even follow though on a PHONE CALL!!! His promises are BULLSHIT!!!! Its been almost 2 weeks since the LIES of “I promise you will hear from me, I promise I’m not going anywhere”…at what point are these promises LIES!!!!! Is he SOOO pathetic that he has to LIE for sex!!!!! I’m so angry I want to call him names, embarrass him in front of friends, call him a coward and a user and A PATHETIC LYING OLD MAN!!!!!

    Sorry about that…bursts of anger…anyway…my male friend also asked me “why you girls don’t tell these guys to F off? Why do you take their bullshit? Call him on his shit? and then tell him to take a hike”

    They need us to stand up for ourselves so they can respect us.

    Next time I see “Him” when he tries to talk to me he’s going to get told that if he wants to talk to me, to ask for my time with a phone call. I’m here with my friends and right now he’s not one of them.
    YAH BABY!!!

  209.  #209Tina on October 29, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    Thank you Mary ann, I do feel bad for how things turned out, I’ll write a letter of apoligy, I wont justify my behavior in my letter, I’ll say just write out my thoughts/feelings here. I’ve always had to “fight” to become strong, if that meant taking down a few people on the way that is the way I would do it , hurting feelings of people in positions to help is far less hurtful than hearing of young native women (13 yr old) hanging themselves because of child sexual abuse, stories get worse, I know of these personally, dragging a fetus around in a drunken stupor just fcken burns my ass to hell, It just makes me so sad , I cry and want to break things, shake people up , include hurting their feelings grrrrrrrrrrrr. I believe lives are at stake while our leaders do nothing, absolutely nothing, including women in a position to help. I dont write the checks, I am a worker, I do the work, they pay me oh try this program oh fck! My immediate supervisor said to me Tina you will have to resign as manager of the Universe lol. My vampire scream tool would have come in handy yesterday before I spoke, it’s difficult to use tools when I am in the moment but with practice, baby steps πŸ™‚

  210.  #210Mary Ann on October 29, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    Gina…that sounds great…both ways πŸ™‚

  211.  #211Mary Ann on October 29, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    Tina I would be proud to have you fighting for me!!

  212.  #212Tina on October 29, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    I’m feel NOTHING for turning down these dates, good riddance, dont let the the door hit you on the way out oh thats right you never made it pass my door hahaha.

  213.  #213Flipper on October 29, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    Gina – you’re probably right about the 50 mph scenario: work (ugh). When you’re ready, I feel you’ll be going the speed of light, and it will feel like light, not much like work at all. Today’s task sounds like it’s just keeping the dream, as you laid it out in such exquisite detail.

    Rori has talked about the ‘date one girl at a time’ guys, the serial monogamists as someone said – not all guys even want to be Don Juan. It’s like she says, they just want to do the minimum and still have a very pleasant life. They ‘know’ women like exclusivity, so they feel good about themselves by ‘giving’ her that while getting all they want (which is often less than what she wants to give, so hey, he doesn’t feel greedy), and spending far less energy than having to go after and get used to a whole bunch of new girls all the time. Sure doesn’t feel like ‘giving’ to me – more like a trade, or a temporary exchange. A contract, sure, but he knows the fine print just says tacitly renewable, and not necessarily long-term.

    And though this irks me no end – it feels like using me and callowness and hypocritical cluelessness – apparently most men don’t really get the depth to which we are affected by seemingly good relationships that they end through attrition or manipulation. And that’s why it’s our role to clue them in – about the depth and the Meaning of our feelings – not just ‘for someone’, i.e. them – but the life-changing importance of feeling feelings. Even before all my new knowledge, practice, aha moments with Rori’s teachings, I still somehow knew the importance and realilty of feelings – but it was so like ‘duh, Everyone starts with that’, that’s a given, we can just take that for granted. But no, even we women have mostly been unaware of their power, and even more unaware that it’s through women, or more often just one particular woman, that this power can be unlocked for men.

    I’m reading a book by a reputed sex therapist. Even after 20 years of a successful career, he is intrigued by the stupendous, sensual ‘blossoming’ of a mousy, frigid middle-aged client – even though she is still not even having sex. This is a particularly sensitive, well-informed man, an expert, not your average joe, and yet it suddenly dawns on him that he has no idea (later he’ll realize even more importantly, no ‘feeling’) for what a woman’s sexuality IS. Long story short, after a long quest and many iniatrixes (not sex-partners), he’ll discover that not only is a woman’s sexuality fabulously rich and complex, but how her very sexuality is only a small part of the feeling whole.

    So I guess I better cut some slack to these everyday slackers (no enlightened sexologists in my rotation), and DO/BE **MY** FEELING part. My man (he wants me, he wants me, he wants me) CANNOT feel it without ME feeling it and sharing with him. Just as several of you Sirens have been showing us.

  214.  #214Tina on October 29, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    I would to Mary Ann, I’ll be your DRAMA QUEEN! lol Ive done public speaking, you wouldnt guess it from my typing lol, Ive gone national international lol. I”m soooooo there. A night of hanging out in a karaoke bar I feel is in order, after I clean my bathroom πŸ™‚

  215.  #215Daria on October 29, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    got my period slight tummy ache feeling good though

    just realized now thoughts had shifted to good stuff


  216.  #216Daria on October 29, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    Flipper how DO YOu feel right now?

  217.  #217Flipper on October 29, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    Oh Tina, I feel so proud for you! What you did and said was the right thing; I see you as a Caring, enlightened true Leader. I feel bad that you feel so bad about it – of course you do, people who have the courage to practice tough love don’t necessarily feel all happy and light about it. This was a case for strong boy energy – bravo for stepping up and speaking out, but even boys feel scared underneath. I also see a caring girl, feeling bad about ruffling feathers. I feel like Crazy Bitch is the truth-saying mask of your Earth Mother – let her handle your Nasty Voices of regret and reproach, while you sink into your worry and fear. Hugs.

  218.  #218Daria on October 29, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    I feel good!

    Yay Period!

    I Looove myperiod!

    Back in teh cycle of life heheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee wooooooooooohooooooooooooo

  219.  #219Tina on October 29, 2009 at 4:17 pm

    Thank you Flipper, Crazy B says “how do you like me now” and “whatevaaa”, I say I’m going to sink into my feelings of worry and fear. The aplogy was a suggestion, I’ll sit with my worry and fear for now and really feel these feelings, not for long though, I’m going to out to bounce in the alias girls castle πŸ™‚

  220.  #220Flipper on October 29, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    Daria, Thanks for asking. Actually, when I started my sex therapist post, I meant to talk about my Drama Queen. But that’s the thing, she keeps eluding me.

    I feel like she got USURPED. When I was a little pre-drama princess, the Regents in my castle abused their power as acting king and queen by using up all the Drama. Just chewed it all up and spat it out all over the place. There weren’t enough bite-size pieces to learn from, and what was splattered there was just too yucky for me to take over when I was to mount the throne.

    But I feel like a false queen with no Drama and I still feel uncomfortable on the throne. I heard about a certain Cinderella, so I kept looking for it in my shoe. Wrong story. Then there was that pea they found under all those mattresses; false route. Prince Charming? Off in Dragon City. So, the heart of the matter..the heart of the matter…my heart feels heavy. ….it’s soaking up some soup.

  221.  #221alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 4:47 pm


    thank you thank you thank you thank you.

  222.  #222alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    normally i feel turned off my shirtless pictures in a man’s profile but some guy emailed me that has Only shirtless pictures and he looks pretty hot.

    so i emailed back. good. i can replace my ex who is Only offering me sex with this hot guy.

    plus maybe this guy would want more than sex. either way, it would feel good to smoke the ex out that is offering me so very nothing at the moment.

    i feel very fun.

  223.  #223alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    oh wow your offer of nothing has got such a hold on me. wow. how can i possibly let go of this? wow. nothing? for me? really? you shouldn’t have.


  224.  #224alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    i feel spiteful.

  225.  #225alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    you know what’s really cool?

    I really feel mostly attracted to one certain ethnicity. and lately that’s mostly all that’s been showing up for me. that feels great!

    i was hiking the other day and as i was walking i looked up and there was a guy that zapped me with his looks/vibe/ whatever it was about him.

    literally my face got all contorted and twitchy when he looked at me because i was caught off guard by how attracted i was to him.

    and then (this all happened in about two seconds) i realized he was walking with a woman. i don’t know/couldn’t tell if it was his girlfriend but iwas like


    how cool would it be to feel like THAT about the guy i ended up with.

    AND if he felt like that about me.

    that would FEEL GREAT!

  226.  #226alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 5:43 pm


    **i feel so honest with men now. i *feel SO surpised they aren’t stopping talking to me. I literall*y just say how i fee*l. and they keep* coming back.

    i was always so afr*aid before. *
    i feel very engagin*g and e*nchanting. i feel like there should be sparkle dust accompany*ing this comment.

    * * ** * * * * * *** * * * *

  227.  #227nikita on October 29, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    oh really? NOTHING for me?… shouldn’t have


    you are toooooooooooooooooo kind!!!!!!!


    stay FAR!!!!!!!

  228.  #228nikita on October 29, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    i feel controlling…..



    i feel very controlling….i feel inharmonious and closed off to NOTHING.

    stay far frog…..stay far……my prince is coming….i don’t want you blocking my view…..
    STAY FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIRE!!!

  229.  #229alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 6:11 pm


    frog blocking the view!! frog blocking the view!

    clear the way!

    i don’t feel closed to the offer of nothing. there is just nothing to open up to. or hold hands with. or play with in my imagination. or make plans with. or joke with. or make time for.

    it is just nothing.

    and circular dating smokes ’em out.

    which how hard is it to smoke out the offer of nothing, really? almost Anything else can smoke that out.

    let it in alias girl,

    allowing and receiving
    allowing and receiving

  230.  #230alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    ok i feel mean. i feel bad calling men frogs. πŸ™

    i feel bad.

    i want to take it back.

  231.  #231nikita on October 29, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    I once learned that “nothing” is everything….nothingness is the birth of ALL of *******everything******** as the universe was created from nothingness…..I feel so deep….
    mmm so profound…..

    thank you for everything πŸ™‚

  232.  #232nikita on October 29, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    oh the duality in my brain… much so much…..
    Fire and Ice……so much….so many options… so many.

  233.  #233nikita on October 29, 2009 at 6:19 pm

    I used to “save” frogs when I was a little girl…..I’d “rescue” them and put them in a giant white bucket…..and then I’d set them free…….

    P.S. I never got a wart…I love frogs…….I mean love…I tried bringing one home as a pet……my mom made me put him out….I felt very sad and angry that she made my frog homeless…… I adopted a rock.

    I love rocks….and frogs πŸ™‚

  234.  #234Mary Ann on October 29, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    OMG!! thanks for nothing…no sarcasm no anger..just thanks for nothing…nothing to lose cuz there is NOTHING!!!!

    haha!! AG you are brilliant!! how could i possibly let go of nothing?

    I went out tonight hoping to “run into” “him” so I could tell him to go away..he didn’t have an appointment..that he needs to ask for my time. He wasn’t there and my friends wanted to go. I was in the exact right mood to deal with him…next time.

    Flipper, you’re saying exactly what I needed to hear..thanks! too πŸ™‚ feeling much better now, hehe πŸ™‚

  235.  #235Daria on October 29, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    Feeling goodl…. love stories … found this book about healing healing stories

    Coyote Healing

    mediated and came up with beautiful visions

    felt sad my brother told me i am on the outside looking in

    story saya
    yes God didn’t bless me to live in one place. to see my cousins and family.

    and that turned out to be a blessing in itself

    and i gave my heart to you and my soul and my body
    it hurts to be told i am outside
    and what i want is to be part of what we are

    i may not know everyone but i know ones
    i know you and you and you
    all of us jewels on a crown

    and i am part of that

    tho i may come from another place

    i am a jewel in our golden circle

    i decide
    and i decided
    and i am with you
    you are my brother
    and i want you to know that

    you know my heart is big big big
    and i put it here to share with you
    and you can share it

  236.  #236Daria on October 29, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    the book was called “Coyote Healing”

    missed meditating, was feeling so overwhelmed… so much help there

  237.  #237Daria on October 29, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    Yo quiero este libro

  238.  #238cookie on October 29, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    I’m losing it ladies, I mean seriously. I feel so freaking detached from my own self. I want it so bad, I’m frozen. I’m too smart to be stupid. I’m making the same freaking mistakes and I’m going absolutely nowhere. And yet these are not truths about myself. At least I don’t want them to be. I want to believe that I’m totally connected to everything I feel. That I’m making choices for myself that will lead me to everything that I desire. That my life is moving in the direction that I imagine. Any yet…
    Still too much in my own head, and I’m breaking my own heart. Where is the love? Can someone send me some? Please.

  239.  #239Daria on October 29, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    Sending Love to Cookie

  240.  #240gina on October 29, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    more Love coming your way Cookie….

  241.  #241alias girl on October 29, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    i don’t know what happened. one minute i was listening to him blah blah blah for twenty five minutes of me asking myself how do i feel?

    i feel bored.
    i feel disconnected.
    i feel bored.
    i feel sleepy.

    and then his laughter woke my up again and then he asked me if i had ever been out of the country and then before i answered he started talking about “he asked some other girl he was talking to the same question..”

    and click. i hung up on him. it was spontaneous. i didn’t even realize i had done it til it was done. and then i felt relief.

    and then he called back and just kept talking as if nothing happened and was laughing at his joke about how the last girl answered that she had been to hawaii.hahaha, he said. that’s not out of the country. hahaha.

    “so, alias girl, have you been to other states?”

    (what? i didn’t even get to answer the out of the country question yet.)

    i said, actually i have to go. i have to go do something.

    he said, ok.

    i said, ok, bye.


    i feel like someone just peed on me. ew.

  242.  #242Mary Ann on October 29, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    love, love, love to cookie πŸ™‚

    I feel like taking a deep breath and starting from here. Every moment is a fresh start to try again, what’s done is done. I can only work on now.

    Good night sirens

  243.  #243Daria on October 29, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    I now want my own blog

    nv : because i am a BITER

    that doesnt really bother me

    im already feeling bothered that i posted too much info online and will be tracked and tackled by various gov agencies and done what they do to em

  244.  #244Tina on October 29, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    The 5 day coffee guy called again, I listened to the phone ring, I felt like answering but the phone was upstairs. We did talk about a shorter trip, two days blah. He said if this doesnt happen then the two day one in late november. I was hoping he would forget about it.

    My daughter called me her GODDESS MOTHER πŸ™‚

  245.  #245gina on October 29, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    I went out with a very nice frog tonight. very nice. and on halloween I’m going to a roaring twenties party with Johnny. I’m super happy he’s coming (no driving issues). I feel a little concerned about how we will be paying for drinks at the party. He has no income. I want to pay for him. I don’t want to insult or emasculate him at all though…hmmm.

  246.  #246Daria on October 30, 2009 at 1:06 am

    Dear healer

    so I have this thing in my home kingdom well someone from the kingdom over slayed one of our princes and well i feel so furious i want to destroy them but i dont believe in war and it feels so tiring now. and now their by our borders and even the one who slayed our prince and hearing of this makes a queen OUTRAGED and whats more i feel tired of this so this is why i have come here that is the deer have brought me here on this piece of grass

    and if you can help us solve this well there is more

    i would like to offer payment like loads of gold but really i dont have that right now i want help discovering it too

    but i can offer my loyalty and bravery and insight and vision because what i may not be able to see for myself i may see for others

    thank you healer

  247.  #247Daria on October 30, 2009 at 1:26 am

    I love deep man voices

  248.  #248Tracy on October 30, 2009 at 1:35 am

    What you said about feelings felt really deep….
    and very true….thanks for sharing

  249.  #249Daria on October 30, 2009 at 1:53 am

    Fly by in the rain
    and drench me
    with the cover of your wings
    rest breathe
    unbelieving unrelenting alertness
    as pounding around the wetness splashes
    at my yellow docked boots

    i dont believe it
    i dont believe in you
    abouve me

    i dont believe in your everlasting cover

    i am on alert

    aroudn me i see rain

    and though
    none falls on my head
    and im starting to dry

    im not gonna relax
    im gonna hold on to every drop

    the final break in my chest
    and the fall on my knees
    of despair finally broken
    in sobber an clobber
    of sounds clamoshing
    jugda jugda
    im dry
    and i can start believing
    looking up at the
    animal smeeling wings
    and rolling around
    on the ground

  250.  #250Daria on October 30, 2009 at 1:59 am

    Flipper i feel inspired that your heart is soaking soup

    Heart soaking soup

    woman heart soup
    take a woman heart
    put water and bless it
    put green things and yellow things and red things
    maybe purple and orange too
    and swirl
    and dashes of earth here and there

    brown and black and white and tanish
    instantly disappearing like meteors

    stir stir

    the heart soaks and soaks
    and softens


    keep stirring

    you can taste some more

    serve hot

    (good cold too
    if u like that kinda thing)

    heart is reusable

    if you chop some for a meaty broth

    will regenerate

    add water
    and bless

    (beware the singing: indicates doneness, although can persist if looking for richer flavour)

  251.  #251Daria on October 30, 2009 at 2:06 am

    see the difference with say beef heart which gets quite tought as you cook it

  252.  #252Daria on October 30, 2009 at 2:42 am

    slosh slosh
    sleepy time coming
    i feel gross sloshing
    happy too
    and i dont want to be tired tomorrow

    what do u think dear daria man?
    what do u think?

    slosh slosh
    u are the best

    u give me room to be me

    i love your power and your judgement
    i love your superiority
    and your striving
    i love your calculating
    you are the giver
    thanks for giving to me

    it feels good to slosh
    and you know it
    haha you wouldn’t let me leave without it
    thanks papi
    i feel embarassed
    i feel shy to be flirted with

    i feel my yin and my yang melting into each other
    swirly like the chocolate vanilla shake
    hook up

    lets make it organic for once

    and yum

    slosh it
    diving into the slosh
    going under in the heart of the swirl
    feels scary like
    losing air
    and getting filled with
    sweet creamy goodness

    smlush smlush

  253.  #253gina on October 30, 2009 at 2:52 am

    grrr i can’t sleep. I feel like tying up some loose ends about my previous obsession about Johnny…

    I was concerned that he didn’t grab my boobs. Well, this last time I saw him, when we started making out, first thing he did was take off my shirt (a first) and he grabbed my boobs big time. phew! thank goodness! later, he said something to the effect of him getting the impression that I get unwanted attention from men, so he was being careful to not objectify me. That feels very good!!

    I was uneasy about his defensiveness when i asked him about his favorite body part on a woman. Well, this last time, I expressed something in an accusatory way somehow, so he dismissed my feelings as my own inner turmoil. I said “speaking of inner turmoil…” he said “whatcha got?” I said “well, I’ve been thinking, and I decided that it’s not weird to focus on body parts.” he said “oh really, gina? so tell me, what part of my body attracts you?” I said “well, I like your arms. And I like that you’re a big strong man cause I feel feminine and safe with you…and so I feel passionate about it. does that sound ‘weird’?” he said “no, that doesn’t sound weird. and i’ll join in this game. I like your curves. I like your legs, I like this and that..” that all felt very good!

    I felt super concerned about not hearing from him on a regular basis, and i assumed he wasn’t into me at all. Well, this last time, when he took my shirt off, I enjoyed making out with him for a minute, but then i pulled away, and he said “what? you’re not comfortable?” and i said “well, I just feel weird that I haven’t seen you for a month and right away we’re getting closer than we ever have before.” he kept telling me that he’s going through a super hard time, and he basically dismissed my feelings by saying that I just don’t get how bad things have been for him. I told him that I had no idea what was going on cause I didn’t hear from him at all, and when I did get a text canceling plans etc, I didn’t know what to make of what he was saying. He kept dismissing me, so I said that I felt unheard, but then eventually I told him that i had started to worry if he was a serial killer. that really surprised him. I also said that I began to wonder if all his reasons for not seeing me were true. I wondered if he was really having brunch with “Stacy” when he was telling me that he was with his Grandpa. then he got mad and he said “please stop making comments like the one about ‘stacy’ – it’s really upsetting me because that isn’t the case at all. And if it was, I would tell you. And the minute you start distrusting me this is over. And maybe I should leave right now.” And then I slapped his arm and I said “hey! I’m not accusing you of anything, I’m just saying that the lack of communication was upsetting for me and I felt paranoid.” he said something about how my paranoia came from my own inner turmoil and not the lack of communication. I said that I wasn’t sure if that was the case, but that my point is that the communication felt bad. And it felt bad and suspicious that he couldn’t make any time for me at all. I cited the evening when we had plans to hang in dallas when i got off work and he had to cancel cause he texted that his grandpa needed help up the stairs and had asked Johnny to watch the game. i said that I got off work at 11pm and I was in dallas, and he couldn’t make any time to see me like we had planned? he said “when i see my grandparents, we talk, and usually I’m there till about 12. My grandfather had asked me for help and my grandparents take priority. so no, I couldn’t make anytime for you that night.” That doesn’t feel good, but not bad either. It feels easy to keep right on circular dating. At some point in there, he said “instead of accusing me, you could say that you ‘don’t want to get ‘played’. right? isn’t that what you’re saying??” and I think he was right – that is what i was saying, and that’s a much better way of saying it, since he seemed on the verge of leaving after my accusatory approach.

    I felt super frustrated about him asking me to drive 45 minutes to see him. Well, after he informed me that his grandparents take priority, I told him something like “well that’s fine, but the next day, when you asked me to drive to see you, I felt Super frustrated, since I have communicated that I hate driving, and I felt even more frustrated that you would even ask after you blew me for like the 3rd time!” And he said “so what’s with the driving?” and I said that I hate driving to him cause I feel like I’m coming to him. Like I’m chasing him. And I said that I feel like I’ve been chasing him in general and that I’m done with that. He said “What?? How have you been chasing me?? That’s absurd!” I said “well the fact that I’m even thinking of you trying to figure this stuff out!” and he said “again, that’s your inner turmoil, and has nothing to do with me.” And I said, “I don’t want to accuse you of causing turmoil, but I’m telling you that driving to you does not feel good. And I hate driving, so it feels especially bad to do it in order to be with a man. It doesn’t feel good because I don’t feel feminine. I don’t feel cared for or special or good.” he said “that’s how you feel when you’re with me?’ and I said “no. just about the driving” (there were sweet tender kisses in there…mmmm) Somewhere in there I said “if we were in a committed relationship maybe it’d be different, but especially while we’re dating, it just does not feel good.” he said “well how do we get to a ‘committed relationship?’ dating! And while we’re ‘dating’, if there’s something going on in Dallas, it just makes sense to meet at my place and then i’l drive from there. Would you prefer to take the train to my place? There’s a station right near my place.” I said “would you be there to pick me up?” he said “of course I would.” I said “the train would feel much better. I like taking the train, and if you’re there to pick me up, it would feel much more romantic to take the train.” oh hallelujah that felt good. cause HE suggested the train – I didn’t even have to.

    There was a moment from several weeks ago that haunted me: I had done a superb job of turning him on, and I was having a ton of fun doing it, and he stopped me abruptly. I didn’t know what to make of it, and was extra disturbed when he seemed to be avoiding my boobs, so this last time I asked him about it, and he said that he wasn’t wanting to get turned on because it’s frustrating not to ‘finish’. And I said “well, what changed? why didn’t we stop sooner this time?” and he said something about how it had been a long time since he had seen me, and he was just exercising less discipline.” Interesting…

    Well, since the last time I saw him, he has been in contact with me every day, and I feel at ease about him. I have gone on dates with other men, and will continue to do so. I look forward to seeing him on Saturday. except the issue of paying for stuff when we’re out. I don’t feel easy about that – any ideas??

  254.  #254tinque on October 30, 2009 at 7:39 am

    lots of love and smoochies for cookie…..

    Daria – “i feel my yin and my yang melting into each other
    swirly like the chocolate vanilla shake
    hook up”

    Love the imagery…

  255.  #255laughing goddess on October 30, 2009 at 9:47 am

    Gina: I’m feeling turned on after reading your posts. πŸ™‚

    Daria: I feel creative and appreciative reading your poems

  256.  #256Simply Shannon on October 30, 2009 at 10:36 am

    OMGawd. Sha-nay-nay has come out to play. Ya’ll stand the hell back…

    Mr. Manly Man (who previously had a hidden profile on Match) decided that today would be perfect timing to send me a wink, thereby letting me see up close and personal that his profile is no longer hidden. Ummm… ok dumb ass, we’re going out tonight. Why the hell would you do that today of all days? I felt surprised to see it and then amused because he’s playing games with me. Testing me and trying to back me in a corner about this whole “I’m still seeing other men” thing. Guess what buddy – FUCK OFF.

    Eck. I feel like I just dodged a bullet. Can you say manipulation and passive aggressive? When I replied to him, I said “I’m feeling annoyed that you winked at me from Match. It feels like you want me to know you unhid your profile. That’s cool to do but not so cool to rub it in my face, especially on date night.” He pretty much responded with something like “isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” (referring to me changing my profile picture the other night). Isn’t that just hilarious!?! Grrr. Whateva.

    I told him he had every right to put his profile up and I wasn’t mad about that but that the timing sucked. Then he goes on and on about how he wants me but I don’t want him. So I felt turned off and disconnected and told him so. Then I said no to tonight’s date.

    And now he’s texting me that he’s still in shock. Seriously? Sadly, he’ll probably be one of those men who blabbers about how all women are bitches and drama queens.

    Anyone have suggestions on how I handled that? I really went into shut-down mode almost immediately. At first my 2nd text included the words about cancelling our date but I left that out waiting to see if my feelings would change. They did not. We did talk on the phone (FINALLY – I HATE TEXTING!), and that’s when I said I don’t feel good about going out tonight. Nothing he was saying to me was inspiring or cherishing. He just kept on pressuring me and manipulating me. I will not feel bad for my scared feelings or for my hesitation to get serious with someone I don’t know.

    Blech. Now to find something fun to do on a Friday night. Man I feel tense. Ahhhhhhhhh! Vampire Scream time.

    Love, Sha-nay-nay

    P.S. I left Shannon in the bouncy house for this little problem. She’s just bouncing away in there. Sheesh… kids these days… πŸ™‚

  257.  #257Daria on October 30, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    yay Shannon! Good for you!

    yes i got the message early on that the ones that tried to tie me down real soon were WEIRDOS!

    and would often disappear

    (one afterward started calling me rude names online sporadically)

    of course it didnt seem obvious at first… but but thats what sticking to my boundaries is for

  258.  #258gina on October 30, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    phew shannon! glad you stuck to boundaries so you could see what you’re dealing with. Icky McYucky! Man, I think I could’ve avoided my stalker exboyfriend if I had those boundaries. Yes, I most certainly could have. YAY!! no stalker has a chance!!

  259.  #259nikita on October 30, 2009 at 1:14 pm


    I like the way you handled it…..he’s testing your mettle……haha….no luck…..that should teach him to behave himself….he thought he was playing the mirror game….but it didn’t feel it BACKFIRED…..
    Good for him…..he’ll be back….with his tail between his legs πŸ™‚

  260.  #260nikita on October 30, 2009 at 1:17 pm


    aaaaw……you can not pay for drinks……but he could sip on yours πŸ™‚ Water is free……maybe he can borrow money from someone else (NOT YOU)… that he doesn’t feel emasculated…..(which he does..cuz u have job….he doesn’t)….very hard to date unemployed man……very hard…….like playing with fire…..

  261.  #261gina on October 30, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    boo. I know and it sucks! so can i refuse to let him buy me drinks?

  262.  #262nikita on October 30, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    No refusals allowed πŸ™‚

    that would be closing yourself off…..and not accepting him….and sending the message that “he can’t afford you”……and is not potent as a man πŸ™

    it’s like not trusting him and doing all the work for him Gina ……..

    It’s quite the quagmire……which is why it’s good to let this breathe and back off of him…….this pressure is too much for him…..any wonder he hides????

  263.  #263nikita on October 30, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    To be clear…you can go dutch……as long as you are not driving….start thinking about free dates… riding…watching the game… not cook for him! but he can rub your feet πŸ™‚

  264.  #264nikita on October 30, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    Going to the Gym together.positive…..chipping in on a bottle of wine and taking a walk through the neighborhood….going to the bookstore to research tantric sex together πŸ™‚ hehehehe.anticipation……I think if he offers a drink let him…only one..but don’t assume…..ask him in feeling messages how he wants to navigate the night…he could be designated driver……and protect you

  265.  #265gina on October 30, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    i like those ideas Nikita. Thank you. So far tomorrow is feeling good – he’s taking care of me in different ways, so it feels fine so far. I like the idea of asking him in feeling messages how he wants to navigate the night. hmm… when i ask, maybe I’ll say something like…

    I don’t feel good letting you pay for stuff till you’re back on the millionaire track. how do you wanna navigate things tonight?

    that sounds a little insulting to me. awkward.

  266.  #266gina on October 30, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    ugh. no i hate what i was thinking of saying. blech

  267.  #267Daria on October 30, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Nikita although those date ideas sound fun, i personally find suggesting date ideas is leaning forward for me unless I am clearly CLEARLY and meaning”ly asked what do i want to do

    and im continuing to feel feminine

    although when i Do want something i say stuff… hmm.. .like

    it would feel great to drink some wine in the park… what do you think

    mm still feels weird to me a lil but

    if i desier something in the moment i will express my feeling desire

    sushi would feel great right now…

    I really like to see what the man comes up with

    i would not personally chip in on wine with a man i’m dating

  268.  #268Daria on October 30, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    I definitely expect my men to come up with their own budgetable date ideas.

    I feel Indignant (Zanida does) that I would be expected to think up stuff to accomodate him and his budget in any way


  269.  #269Daria on October 30, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    Gina why do you not want him to pay for you?

    that feels icky to me…

    its his decision and as a man it might boost his self esteem at this trying time

  270.  #270Uschi on October 30, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    Been leaning back and doing Rori’s tools as best as I can at this stage – is there a way to step it up a bit? Seems like I am at a stand still with results – it kind of the same for a few weeks now and I’d like more advancement.

  271.  #271nikita on October 30, 2009 at 5:37 pm


    I agree suggesting is leaning forward..I took it as a given that he might ask her if there’s something she wants to do.

  272.  #272gina on October 31, 2009 at 2:45 am

    i feel compassion for him, and the ‘friend’ in me wants to take care of him. but i spoke to him today and he is feeling confident about his job search. and tonight I know he’s out and about, seemingly somewhat carefree, so i’m feeling less bad. In the past he communicated that, in general, he is trying to conserve money as much as possible, and he said that he couldn’t afford to drive to fort worth. Well he is driving to fort worth, and i felt willing to contribute by covering drinks, but not at the expense of a romantic dynamic. but i also see that he hasn’t asked me to compromise. he hasn’t asked me for anything, except to show up dressed as a flapper. So that’s what i’ll do. And I’ll have cocktails ready to have at my place before we go, and that will be the extent of my “contribution” unless it feels really right to do otherwise.

  273.  #273Flipper on November 2, 2009 at 2:30 pm


    I loved your recipe for rainbow soup to soak my heart in. How did you know my favourite color is All of them? Loved your poems, too.

    Yae- I feel glad you found, too . So many chances to meet real people and do things you’re passionate about with them or develop new passions . And even network for career-related stuff or practice a language with native speakers, for example. Have fun going out, honey-bunch.

  274.  #274Flipper on November 2, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    PS to Sirens – is all over the world, not just in the US. There are also others, like meetin, and local ones specific to a particular country. These are NOT dating sites.

  275.  #275Cassandra on November 8, 2009 at 11:24 am

    Loved this post!
    I have been really working on taking the time that I need in a conversation with a man to find out HOW I FEEL at any given moment. It feels awkward because I have to take a moment to find what I am feeling and where it is in my body. I don’t feel good at that yet. It feels awkward and scary in a way because it creates that silent space and feels weird. I want to be more connected to ME and my own FEELINGS but most often I don’t even know what they are. In those times that I have spoken up in feeling messages about what I feel about something that doesn’t work for me – the man that I was talking with has been responsive in a positive way but I still feel uncomfortable. Maybe it’s just new?? Don’t know.
    Aldonza…..”Ever notice that the men who talk about β€œno drama” are the ones who do things to induce it every frikken time? Just a thought that popped into my head when I read this. The most controlling men I’ve ever known lived in fear of the β€œDrama Queen” way more than they did Warrior Woman. Interesting” I could not agree with you more if I tried! It does seem like the ones that even mention it are indeed the very ones that behave in ways that bring out the drama queen in each of us.

    I don’t think that I have even met my inner Drama Queen yet. I feel curious about her.

    Simply Shannon….”I am learning that speaking my feelings as soon as I feel them leaves me feeling a lot more powerful and in control of myself.” I feel totally congruent to what you said here! I recently had a situation that kind of ‘knocked me on my bum’ but I didn’t say anything. I feel regret in some ways that I did not voice my feelings but on the other hand things did turn out well so it might be ok. If that situation happens again though, I will not let it go without my feelings being voiced. It feels good to write that.
    “Courtesy of Alias Girl: i want to feel adored and secure an safe and protected and loved and wanted and silly and free and sexy and attracted and challenged and soft and stimulated and part of a team and cooperative and figuring things out together and like he was my back and that he praises me publically and is proud of me and proud to be with me and that he feels lucky i chose him. like we both know how lucky we are that we found each other and didn’t settle.” I want to feel this way too.

  276.  #276kimberly on November 22, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    Do mean really now the meaning of Drama? Mine says all the time that when i get upset and try to talk to him about something its Drama cause I get upset. He says my voice changes how do i Fix that so it don’t? He gets upset over stuff I say or do and that’s not drama either? I would think it is wouldn’t you?

  277.  #277Rori Raye on November 23, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    Kimberly, if you can, get the ebook here – it’s in the program catalog page over to the right in the sidebar – it will teach you “The Four Rules” – which is all about eliminating drama. And we’ll all help you here, too. Love, Rori

  278.  #278Star on March 4, 2010 at 10:31 am

    I love that post. So true! I feel like with all of my PCness and trying to be liked and all then I restrain a part of me that is very womanly and feel like letting a guy know how I feel. It sucks because it makes me seem so flat and be uninteresting & I’m not intimate with a guy if he doesn’t know how I feel because of my fear that it may be uneasy for him. I’m being the woman that I am & there’s drama in that. Men know that women have drama to share, they do to. So why hide it!

  279.  #279MizDivaDee on March 22, 2010 at 1:35 am

    My Drama Queen came out this weekend. Her name is DivaDee, and she is was ugly. She was Very ugly and yet beautiful. Agressive, violent, rage, strong, soft and much more. I have been in a relationship with a toxic man, a man that is not available and does not want a committment. I did not follow my boundries and got involved anyway. Well I am just learning about boundries from this site. So this is new to me. I will try and do better next time. I will start fresh. But right now I feel a little sad, but I am not trying to beat myself up for what I thought was love. I got jealous, and DivaDee just reared her beautiful/ugly head. She came out. I have not seen her in quite awhile. Its been several years since she was unleashed. Boy she came out fighting, trying to protect me. It worked, he is gone. BE GONE! DivaDee Says – Please BE GONE! How dare you try to make me jealous of another. How dare you humilate me and make me feel like a pauper. Do you know I am a Queen – Queen DivaDee.
    I smile when she comes out. She protects me, but I need to control her temper. I could get arrested for assult and battery, or something worst. And they will lock me up for what she has done. She makes me feel crazy. I am not a crazy lady – but DivaDee is crazy.
    I need to talk to her more. Tell her thank you for trying to protect me. I love her. Yet almost hate her. I don’t want her to run everyone away. This is scary – She is scary. I may need help. I could have been hurt or hurt someone. She came so hard that I was vulerable, and was in danger, but I did not see the danger I was in, I did not see the danger from the beginning of the relationship, even though all of the danger signs were there. Thank You DivaDee for helping me see the danger. I am looking foward to the future – to tomorrow – The fresh start – me and DivaDee, she will be right there with me. But I will talk to her more, and let her know that I promise, I will take care of myself. I will – I promise.

    Thank you Queen DivaDee for trying to protect me.

  280.  #280Rori Raye on March 22, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Wow, MizDivaDee – Thank you so much for this gorgeous…poem. I feel I know you…and this is how a man will get to know you quickly. It’s sort of like DivaDee is part of the conversation – instead of having to fight for you at every turn…most men find this extremely beautiful and…actually…safe. Because you feel safe with you…Love, Rori

  281.  #281Daria on March 22, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    Hi Diva Dee!! Wow I felt like laughing while sobbing reading your post!

  282.  #282Daria on March 22, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    I felt touched and like crying!

  283.  #283Alicia on June 9, 2010 at 2:55 am

    I just read this post..

    I’m glad I did.. I’m glad my inner drama queen can be accepted.. Cause I have moment where I’m snapping my fingers (in the around the world motion) roatating my neck and saying… ohhhhh hellllllllll no.. don’t even.. haha. And I feel all this buried stuff get triggered and want to coming flying out.. But, I just play it out in private. πŸ™‚

  284.  #284keny on June 13, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    I’m having a problem with my bf. He suffers of ED and is in denial as I have been asking him for about a year to go to the doctor. He tells me he will do it but never follows thru. I’m at the point of feeling depressed because it looks that its getting worse and I feel I’m losing connection with him.

  285.  #285Lilith on May 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Hi guys, I’m kindof a newbie to using the Rori methods, and I need your help/thoughts…I started with the Rori Toxic Men and HTRYW last summer to try to improve my relationship with my now ex…which is a good thing, because he is toxic, and the methods actually helped me start to get my self esteem back while the relationship then came to a fairly quick end…and then I was doing quite well while I was single and just having fun and keeping the focus on myself (which is easy to do when you’re not dating anyone, though)…Now I’ve been in a relationship for almost 4 months with a guy that is VERY different from my toxic ex…in fact I kept saying that he wasn’t my type to my gf’s…but I’m glad that I’ve given him a chance, because he’s treated me wonderfully so far….my problem now is that I have started to focus too much on him and my insecurities/nasty voice have started to come back up…possibly because he has pulled back a tiny bit lately (rubber band effect? Or is this too soon?)…I already did a Rori speech with him about my insecurities/jealousy when he went to Mexico for a wedding (which he had been booked into prior to dating me…and he’d invited me to come, but I couldn’t because of work committments) and mentioned that him and his friends had hung out with some girls from PEI ‘just as friends’ (I was sooooo triggered from this, and was terrified to even bring this up with him)…and he responded really well to that. Then I went through a week of pms hell that really hit me emotionally this time, and I ended up attacking him and being needy and trying to control the situation by asking questions (he works 21 days and is off for 7, and on his 7 off, he doesn’t want to stay local, he wants to travel to his home in another state or to visit friends or family). I broke the 4 rules on 2 telephone conversations that week…..sigh! And it seems that the pull back came after that…I’ve been working hard to bring the focus back to myself and to ignore the nasty voice, but wow, have I been feeling uncomfortable…I’m just wondering if dating someone for 4 mos is too early to bring up more ‘heavy stuff’…I feel like I want to talk to him about my insecurities with the potential future and travelling and worries about being left behind…but on the other side of the coin, I think that it is too soon to bring this stuff up, and the only reason I have this worry stuff is because I am focusing too much on him and fears about the potential future stuff, and that I should just be instead centering myself and letting go of the result and working harder to bring the focus back to myself. Thoughts?

  286.  #286Rori Raye on May 30, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Lilith! You should be still Circular Dating at 4 months!!!! THAT’S your way to stay sane and not needy. There’s NO way you can stay “cool” at this point without maintaining your options in SOME way. You need absolute support to stay cool – any neediness is going to backfire on you – please do EVERYTHING you can to not go there…get some coaching – Virginia Clark is a master at helping with this… You don’t have to actually “date” other men if you’ve already made an agreement with this man. Do NOT bring up the “future”! That’s HIS job. Your job is to watch, observe, stay cool, Circular Date, and see if you two are on the same page. WAY too soon for “talking.”
    Love, Rori

  287.  #287Lilith on May 30, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Rori, thanks so much! And I’m feeling like I want to beat myself up about this, because I was doing so good with this near the end of my last relationship, and during the first few months of this new one…and now I feel like I’m back at square one. And judging myself for it. But I’m working on not doing that. LOL!!!! I just got thrown for such a loop, I think, because he’s been so awesome (and so unlike the previous man), and because I’ve had a lot of upheaval in my life lately (layoff of job, my last day of work will be in July…as well as having to let go of some friends…unsupportive friends, but it’s change all the same), that affected my self esteem, and not in a positive way. And maybe I because the control freak in me can’t control the big scary job loss thing, I turned to try to control something that I thought I could (or that was habitual to do previously)…and yes, I did rope myself into an agreement to be in the ‘girlfriend trap’. Sigh!
    So now, I’m going force myself every day to circular date…to bring the focus back to myself, getting my job stuff in order, and making new girlfriends, and doing stuff I love…and I’m even going to be starting a part time bartending job, where I’ll get paid to flirt with men and have them flirt with me!

    Thank you for the bang-on advice, and for talking me down off the emotional ledge today, Rori. Bless you!

  288.  #288Lilith on May 31, 2012 at 5:55 am

    Ok…so I’m feeling better about my choices and about getting out and circular dating…which I know I need to do, especially since this relationship is so new. But I have one nagging question, that I have been wondering about from the HTRYW, that I feel maybe hasn’t been explained enough for me to understand. And I had an example of this happen last night. My bf didn’t call/text me at all last night, which is unusual, since he has normally been calling every night. Prior to last night we’ve had good, light communication on the phone all this week, and I’ve been using good feeling messages, and appreciating him each time he calls. I know Wednesdays are his night for going out with his work people to a pub for dinner and drinks….so I’m wondering why he couldn’t take even 30 seconds to connect with me. I feel fear. I feel really angry! I feel abandoned. I feel disrespected. I feel like I’ve been put to the ‘back of the line’. Now, on the HTRYW, it says to say nothing if he doesn’t call…this feels really hard. We have a date tonight, and I’m wondering if I’m not supposed to say anything about not being called, then am I ‘stuffing stuff down’? I feel like he might have not called on purpose be test my reaction , since I’d gone into the future talk or neediness too soon about 2 1/2 weeks ago…and that makes me angry. I know he has every right to do it, though. Soooo, please help as soon as possible…how do I clear these feelings of anger/fear, etc. from me so that I can be an invitation when I see him tonight? And do I address the ‘no call’ thing at all, since we’re so new (and also since this was the 1st time it happened), or just drop it?

  289.  #289Feeling Vulnerable on June 25, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I need a little guidance. I think I have been doing a decent job in my relationship, using your tools Rori, but I’m starting to feel insecure. I recognize it and am doing my best to keep the relationship healthy and positive regardless of how I am feeling.

    I have been using your tools and programs for about a year. I really understand the concept of leaning back, though that is the hardest thing for me to do. I think I do really well with feeling messages though.

    I have been in a relationship with a guy for almost 2 1/2 years. We started as friends and have been getting closer and closer. It is a physical chemistry like I’ve never known before and it has become a very loving, caring relationship over time. There is an issue of distance. I know how you feel about distance, Rori, but due to family situations, that is where we are at for now.

    I’ve never asked him where our relationship is going and have stayed away from drama. He is not a man of many words and does not share his feelings easily. I have consistently used feeling messages with him, and even when I’ve wanted more phone calls, text messages, etc, I’ve made it about me and how I feel when we don’t connect and how excited and nice it feels when I do hear from him. He has said that he trusts me and has since day 1, which surprises him, b/c he doesn’t trust people easily, and that has always made him feel close to me. In the last few months, he has elaborated on his feelings for me, and recently admitted that he loves me. He has really opened up a lot and I’m not sure if that’s why I’m starting to feel more vulnerable, b/c I’ve also been more authentic and let him see my vulnerabilities, which has been difficult for me. It’s funny b/c ever since we’ve admitted loving feelings for each other about a month ago, I’ve acted the “worst” and I’m just hoping I’m not pushing him away and would like a little perspective from an objective third party.

    A week or so after he told me he loved me, I admitted an episode of feeling jealous about a girl I perceived to be flirting with him. I told him that was an uncomfortable and new emotion for me. I told him I felt afraid he would like her more than me. He was sweet and said that would never happen and he wasn’t about to replace me and that I should know I “have him” . I told him that made me feel better. He said he liked that I felt comfortable enough to share that with him.

    We get to see each other only about once a month, though the past few months, we’ve been able to see each other once a week. It’s been amazing and such a great bonding experience. I can feel how much he loves me when we are together. Most of the time we don’t even do anything except sit and talk and hug and kiss. (Don’t get me wrong, sex is in there when the opportunity is there, and it is the best I’ve ever known, but we don’t NEED that every time. We have a lot of other depth to our connection at this point.) Well, the weekly dates have recently ended, due to some changes in work schedules, so we are back to how things were before, which is once a month or so. This is a hard transition to make now.

    We had an amazing date about two weeks ago, great connection with sex, conversation, just being…it was juicy and amazing and he even made the comment, “It just gets better every time.” Then, I didn’t hear from him for three days, which isn’t terribly unusual, and I know guys like time to re-group after being really intimate, but I started feeling like I wanted to connect, so…..I leaned forward and texted him. He texted back and we did this off and on throughout the day, but it wasn’t the full attention that I was craving and I told him so, but not in a blaming way. I said that I could tell he was busy and not able to give me the attention I was wanting and I was going to stop interrupting his day and go find something else to do. He got all sweet after that comment. “Sorry, honey. Later cutie, etc” The next day he emailed me just to say he was thinking about me which was sweet. But, I didn’t open or respond to the email for about a day and a half. Not on purpose. That was just when I got around to seeing it. I responded that that felt really nice to hear and that I was thinking about him, too. So, another few days went by and we ended up talking in a group text with friends, trying to figure out some dates for us all to get together. So, then, he and I ended up texting and he told me how his kids had all had been sick for a couple of nights and he was up every hour with them and he was working on a work project with his boss that was causing him stress. I told him I was feeling disconnected and yucky and the transition to not seeing each other was hard. He admitted that he got that and that we had been spoiled recently.

    The next night we texted after kids’ bedtimes, too, but it was short lived b/c his were still sick and each one kept waking up crying. At one point, they were both up crying so he had to go and take care of them, obviously. The next afternoon, I sent a text that said I hoped he and the kids were all feeling better. He said they weren’t and the night had been awful. I told him that I was appreciative of his effort to chat with me the night before even though there was chaos in his house. He didn’t respond to that text. And then……my inner drama queen emerged.

    Ugh! I hate to even admit this. But, even though we had had consistent communication that week, I still hadn’t gotten the full connection I was craving. There was no flirting or anything to make me “feel good”, I guess. So, I started over thinking and getting all those nasty voices in my head. I tried to call him b/c I knew if I could hear his voice I would feel better. I rationally knew he probably had no idea I was feeling so awful and rejected. He didn’t answer his phone, so I texted him that I was starting to feel self conscious. A little while later he responded very sweetly calling me honey and telling me not to feel self conscious, I was being silly and he stopped to have a drink on the way home from work with a buddy he works with, and asked if everything was ok with me and that he was starting to feel anxious. So, I told him I’d like to catch up on the phone, but to go enjoy his beer and his buddy and we could talk on his way home. He didn’t respond. So, I started getting more anxious and texted 45 min or so later, asking him if this was a plan. He responded immediately, “Is what a plan?” I said, “Talking on the way home.” He said he was on his way home then. So, he called and said he had turned his phone off while in the bar b/c it was ringing like crazy with a bunch of people wanting his attention, so he hadn’t seen my msg about talking on the way home. About 30 seconds into the call he got another call, and said he’d call back. Well, I’d taken all I could take by that point and started texting to please call me back, I was feeling sick to my stomach, etc. I tried calling him 20 min or so later, and it sounded like he answered and got disconnected. I called right back and left a voicemail that I was confused and asked what was happening and I felt weird. He called about 5 minutes later. He was calm and cool and had no idea why I was flipping out. Said he’d gotten stuck on the other call the whole way home, had run into his house to grab something, had no reception in there, and called me back as soon as he got back in the car to go get his kids. He proceeded to ask me what was going on with me and if everything was okay, and I admitted I was not proud of my “girl moment” but that I had just felt rejected for about a week b/c of not really having good quality time to connect. He apologized that I was feeling disconnected and I apologized for creating a little afternoon drama. He assured me that everything is “always okay” and I shouldn’t get insecure b/c I haven’t heard from him. He was sweet and kind of laughed it off and said, “Yeah, you were totally having a girl moment. I guess that’s part of why I like you. You’re a girl and you have feelings.” Wow!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, Rori. He even seemed to appreciate my inner drama queen. I think it’s because I did not make it about him or what he did or didn’t do at ALL. I owned my feelings and just said I felt disconnected and weird and self conscious since we hadn’t had a chance to connect. The rest of the conversation was nice, just catching up, etc. That night he sent me a short, sweet email just complimenting a picture he had seen of me. I felt good about the fact that he reached out to me even though I felt awful for being a drama queen earlier in the day.

    We emailed back and forth over the weekend. At one point I thanked him for saying he liked the girl in me, even with my occasional girly moments. When he responded he said, “Yes, you were a girl and I guess that’s what you are supposed to do. :)” And then he moved on with the conversation. He seems totally cool and unaffected by the whole thing, but I now feel unattractive to him!!! I’m sure the best thing to do is just sit back and wait for him to come towards me, but I sent him an email yesterday, kind of a racy, flirtatious one, and he hasn’t opened it yet. I could get in there and delete it before he opens it. Should I or should I just let it ride? I was the last one to email in response to one of his messages and then I sent that other one. I don’t want to give too much, but I also feel like a nice, light hearted, fun email would be a step in the right direction away from the serious talk, and at this point in our relationship we are past the playing games or keeping score, etc. I just want to work myself back into an attractive light (in case I’m not). He actually was more flirtatious in our emails over the weekend complimenting the picture the night of the drama and then telling me he has had many fantasies about a certain outfit I was wearing.

    At this point I think it’s just my insecurity that is making me feel like he’s finding me unattractive but I know I need to make sure he doesn’t continue to get an insecure vibe from me, so I know I need to lean back. I know the email I sent is a small thing in the grand spectrum but I’m wondering if I should get rid of it before he sees it. Any thoughts or third party opinions on this? I am quite certain I am being my own worst enemy here, but need confirmation on that. πŸ™‚ Thank you for any help.

  290.  #290Rori Raye on June 26, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Feeling Vulnerable – I’m using your comment as a post, and answering it there….Briefly – The issue here is your not discussing where things are going – yeah, the scariest stuff. I’ll try to get this posted right away. You need a plan in place for the future – NO woman could stay sane under these circumstances. STOP calling him!!!! Do ANYTHING but call him! Do NOT reach out to him! Love, Rori

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