Relationship Tool Of The Week – Paint Yourself In Love

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So many of you have told me that this Tool – Paint Yourself – has created a breakthrough for you. And so I wanted to reprint it here in case you’re new to me and aren’t getting my eLetters yet (be sure to sign up to get them, they’re free, and once they’ve gone out to your email box, they won’t appear again.)

If you’re feeling insecure and anxious right now in your relationship – like at any moment it could tip over and all the juice could run out of it…I totally understand and have some real help for you.

When this used to happen to me, when a man who seemed SO excited about me just sort of drifted away, I did the only thing I knew to do – I tried to make myself even more attractive to him.

And the more I tried – the sexier I made myself look and act, the nicer I was – and the more “reasonable” I was – it seemed to push him away even more.

I remember being shocked when a man who all my friends thought of as “beneath me” – who’d never had a serious relationship, who told me himself how amazed he was that I even “liked” him – all of a sudden one evening told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore.

He couldn’t explain – there were no reasons.

It was as though he were “opting out.”

And then – within the week – he wanted to be friends, made “friend” dates with me, came over to my apartment – and tried to have SEX with me!

I’d never been more confused in my life.

I clearly knew nothing about men then.

I had ATTRACTED him – but in only a PHYSICAL way.

In an emotional way, I’d repelled him.

It took me years and years to understand what that was all about (and to realize how lucky I was that he’d shown me his true colors so early in the relationship), and though I’m so glad that never worked out, I know now what I might have done and not done that would have made me FEEL so much better, and that would have turned the tables so I was the one with the choice, and not him.

I know now the difference between a man being attracted to us physically, and him “liking” us or “admiring” or “appreciating” us – and him “falling in love” with us.

Now I know and can share with you exactly how to create an irresistibly magnetic way of being with a man that connects with him in his heart.

My Modern Siren program is all about this kind of irresistibility – and here’s a small, new Tool that will help you get started on your way to drawing in every man you meet – including the one you may already be with.

The Tool is PAINT YOURSELF IN LOVE – and it sounds kind of fanciful, but it’s actually very practical.

Here’s what I was doing with this man that pushed him away, and what you’re likely doing that isn’t working for you:

I looked at him as a man I wanted and didn’t want to lose.

I looked at him as HOLDING something I wanted.

I looked at his face, his body, all of him – and I didn’t really see HIM – I only saw what it was I WANTED from him.

And so I moved, thought, acted, spoke and felt FAST.

It was as though every moment was a piece of my storybook idea of “relationship.”

I had decided that since he was “beneath me,” he was EASY.

I thought that I could have whatever I wanted from him, because that’s what he said, and that’s what my FRIENDS said.

But, truthfully, I didn’t believe it.

I felt lower than low on the totem pole of life and love – and I just felt LUCKY to have him around at all.

I was looking to him to make everything – including ME – Okay.

Now, I want you to look at your man – in your imagination – and experience how you feel when you look at him.ย  Imagine he’s WATCHING YOU, and he’s Leaning Forward to you.

Do you feel longing and pining?

Is it like a clenching in your heart, a sort of silent begging him to stop all his nonsense and just make everything Okay?

And can you feel your heart and your mind moving fast, trying to cut all the corners and just close the deal?

Just get it all squared away, finalized – OKAY?

Well, it’s this energy that pushes a man away.

And no matter how hard we try to keep it under control, it’s in our “vibe,” and he can feel it.

Even if it’s not strong enough to actually push him away – it will KEEP him away.

It will keep the relationship in a stuck place, where the ATTRACTION just isn’t strong enough to push him over the edge – into falling in love and feeling intensely devoted to you – forever.

Creating this kind of attraction is sort of magical.

It requires you getting out of that mindset where your man holds some kind of “keys” to your happiness – and putting the keys in your OWN hands.

And it requires an ATTENTION to DETAILS.

So – here’s where “Painting” comes in – try this:

1. Take a cup of water and go outside to a tree, or a bush, or a flower, or a statue.

2. Now – you’re going to use your fingers for a “brush” – so dip your finger into the water, and then “Paint” the tree, or the flower or statue or the leaf, with the water – very, very slowly and carefully – watching every single stroke you make, FEELING every single stroke you make, noticing every single tiny bit of the tree bark, or the flower petal, or the leaf.

Go so slowly that you feel like you’re going in slow motion – and make sure you’re AWARE of every second that passes – and that ALL your attention is on the water going onto the tree, the flower, the piece of fruit hanging from a branch.

Pretend the water is LOVE, and you’re painting this tree trunk, branch, fruit, flower, statue, with LOVE – literally.

3. Now, imagine your man is standing in front of you.

Put yourself in the Rori Raye Dance Position (to get walked through the Dance Position and how to use it everywhere, all the time so you’ll be an “Invitation” to your man, it’s in my Commitment Blueprint program):

…for now, LeanBack, open (“Unzipper”) your heart, arms down, palms out, focus on your pelvis, relax your shoulders, smile.

Imagine him just STANDING THERE, smiling at you.

Feel what you feel.

Now –

4. Go to a mirror and while you’re watching your reflection in the mirror, Paint Yourself.

Paint Yourself exactly the way you did the tree trunk or the flower or leaf or statue.

Touch yourself gently and lovingly, and experience each stroke as if it were magical.

Pay attention to what you see and what you feel.

Paint each hair, each tiny bit of your face, your shoulders, your whole naked body if you have the time.

If you have only a short bit of time (please do this Tool often)- really focus in on the detail of one small part of you – your eyelashes, your forehead…your shoulder…your mouth.

Keep breathing, keep Leaning Back, keep stroking yourself slowly, carefully – each tiny detail.

Pay attention to yourself – really get into this process of Painting Yourself With Love – moment by moment.


5. Imagine your man, or an imaginary man is standing next to you.

Imagine he’s watching you.

Let him watch you slowly and lovingly Paint Yourself With Love.

Imagine him standing there, smiling, leaning forward, and watching you Paint Yourself With Love – and imagine he is MESMERIZED (because he certainly would be if you were to Love Yourself like this in his presence in real life…)


6. Carry this image and this experience around with you EVERYWHERE.

Imagine yourself painting yourself WHEREVER you are – in the market, at the drugstore, in the restaurant – and EVERY MOMENT you’re with your man – and…this is important…

EVEN IF he’s not even looking at you.

EVEN IF he seems to be distracted.

EVEN IF you can feel yourself being jealous or upset or hurt by what he’s doing or not doing.

Imagine him WATCHING you Paint Yourself With Love, and imagine EVERYONE in the place ADMIRING
you for Painting Yourself.

Imagine everyone wanting to touch you and stroke you or take out a brush and Paint You With Love.

How does that FEEL?

What makes this Tool so powerful is that it’s so SPECIFIC.

It’s something you can imagine in great DETAIL, and that you can experience emotionally.

So – how will this make you more attractive to him on a deep, emotional level?

Because a man is NOT INTERESTED in experiencing you loving HIM.

He’s interested in experiencing you loving YOURSELF when HE’S loving YOU!

He’s completely captivated by a woman who is so trusting of him, so open to him, that she could
experience her deepest pleasure when she’s with him.

And this is what you want to do.

You will wrap him around your little finger, and activate your powerful Inner Siren if you can LOVE YOURSELF in HIS PRESENCE.

He will be “blown away,” and never, ever want to step away from you.

If you’d like to know how this works, and be walked through the most powerful Tools imaginable to make this happen for yourself – try out my Modern Siren program.

You ARE a Siren.ย  We’ve all just forgotten that we are, and we’ve been sold a lie that we are somehow “lucky” to be chosen by a man.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Even in a town where women outnumber men, as a Siren – you have absolutely NO COMPETITION at all.

Let me know how Painting Yourself With Love works – I love these kinds of Tools, and the moment I even begin to imagine Painting Myself, I can see the difference in my husband almost instantaneously.

I just go all soft and surrender to myself, and he just walks over to me and starts stroking me like I’m a magnet.

Let me know how it feels to be the magnet you truly already are…

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Becca on November 16, 2008 at 7:11 pm

    I LOVE the paint yourself tool ๐Ÿ™‚ It feels so good and luxurious to spend so much time loving myself that I feel like I don’t need a guy. Though I still want one. I am finally starting to feel less attached to my ex (though it is still difficult at times) – and its wonderful when I feel like this! The only problem is this feeling of ‘unneeding’ comes and goes. I have accepted the interstate job and while this in itself feels scary, I think this may be why I feel less needy of my ex. I am going to be independent and make myself proud that I’m putting my career (and thus ME) first!
    My ex has been back in contact briefly (through text and a missed call). I haven’t replied yet as I am trying to write down how I feel in feeling messages first so that I can speak from my heart. I have had so much trouble with speaking feeling messages but I feel that this time I will do better. I am feeling empowered by taking the job, though I still feel terrified!
    Whenever I spend time with people (anyone!) now I try to lean back and receive and use feeling messages. I have been trying to listen to my heart and how I feel and act in line with that. It is sooo difficult at times, but well worth the effort. I have realised that I am scared of change but am slowly slowly getting there with the ebook and support of this blog. Thanks so much Rori for this new way of relating!
    I have a question… I keep hearing about the ‘dance position’ and was hoping someone could tell me what this involves as I couldn’t find it in Rori’s ebook and it sounds so empowering.

    “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” ~Einstein

  2.  #2alias girl on November 16, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    rori raye you made it onto my gratitude list this morning. ๐Ÿ™‚ this is a great tool. i tried using it all day after i read about this afternoon. hah. and a guy approached me and he was totally yum. doesn’t speak my language and has a wife in another country so i don’t know how frutiful that it. but i gave him my phone number. his level of unavailability is Perfect for me. hahaha. i actually feel like i am making great changes in my life. sometimes i get hard and triggered into old negative thinking but i seem able to FEEL my feelings and come out the other side brighter and stronger and more positive. but i’m wondering if i’l l always have these extremes of feelings. does everybody and people just don’t show it or post about it for the world to see? i mean if you knew me you wouldn’t see me happy one hour and crying the next. i would totally hide it. anywya. i am grateful. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3.  #3Reshi on November 16, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    “Do you feel longing and pining?

    Is it like a clenching in your heart, a sort of silent begging him to stop all his nonsense and just make everything Okay?

    And can you feel your heart and your mind moving fast, trying to cut all the corners and just close the deal?

    Just get it all squared away, finalized – OKAY?

    Well, itโ€™s this energy that pushes a man away.”

    And that’s exactly the energy I’ve had in all interactions with my husband over the last several months. Just wishing he would GET WITH THE PROGRAM AND RECOMMIT TO ME ALREADY.

    Update on our situation: the relationship seminar was yesterday and today, and it was amazing–and the energy between my husband and me has been so much lighter, freer, and happier. I’m no longer WISHING for him to get with the program, I KNOW he’s going to get with the program. The work we did at the seminar released a lot of the built-up anger that we had, got us reconnected in a small, baby-step way–my husband looked in my eyes with love and connection, something that hadn’t happened in MONTHS, and was able to tell positive stories of our courtship, and was able to tell me a few things that he WANTED from me in our relationship. (Previously he’d been saying that he didn’t want anything from me and just wanted to be alone.) He actually LISTENS when I express Feeling Messages now. And now we have tools to work with to keep these changes going in the future.

    And you know what? This success would not have happened had I not been working with Rori’s Tools–specifically the Power and Self Esteem series. Because of my experience with them, I was able to shift my vibe around super fast in the weeks prior to the seminar, and I was able to handle all the emotions that came up there and take care of myself and let my man go through his own process.

    I just couldn’t be happier. It’s like just beginning to wake up from a terrible dream.

  4.  #4Becca on November 16, 2008 at 10:15 pm

    Wow Reshi! That was brilliant! It is so good to hear something so positive. It makes me feel like there is hope and confirms again how powerful Rori’s tools are, even if they do feel small or difficult at times.

  5.  #5Bethany on November 16, 2008 at 10:40 pm

    This is a great tool, it really can calm me down. I feel unsteady because my guy texted me tonight and asked “u want to make a pumpkin pie?” and I responded that it feels like pumpkin pie weather (because I didn’t know if he meant tonight–which I would have said no to because I’m tired and getting ready for class–or later) and then he said he was heading home and asked how long it would take with real pumpkin and I said a long time and then he said “poor pumpkin will be fruitless to us!” or something and I responded that I feel the pumpkin will be useful just not tonight. Argh! I feel like I shouldn’t have texted him last, should have let him have the last word. Damnit! I have been listening to Modern Siren all night and I feel like even with Rori’s literal voice in my ear I still make big mistakes. I feel so frustrated with myself and with this whole thing and I feel like running away and I feel so scared because I feel the anxious need to raise my degree of difficulty but my life has been consumed with school and I feel so lost as to how to keep up the fun things, outside of him, and I feel like I’m going to mess this whole thing up because I just cannot stop myself! I feel soooo afraid! I feel so bad tonight. I feel embarrassed because it’s just a stupid text conversation but I also feel sad that he didn’t call me all day and then offended that he texts me about making a pie?! I mean he knows I love to bake and wasn’t necessarily trying to cajole me into coming over to make baked goods for him (which I would not do unless I felt like I wanted to), but I feel ssooooo angry! Angrier than I feel a pie warrants, but I feel so out of control! Yes, that’s it, out of control! That’s the root of my issues, and it comes back up all the time. I feel like if I’m not in control and if I do one tiny thing wrong like texting him back after he’s texted me than the whole thing is going to spiral away and even further out ofmy control. Maybe I should have texted “I don’t feel like baking tongith” But I didn’t know when he meant! I made it sound like I was game to do it then! Argh, I DON”T want to be the beck and call girl. I am beating myself up now, I have to stop. It’s okay. I feel so bad, but it’s going to be fine I want it to feel fine and I can feel myself sort of laughing with a tight smile for being so dramatic. I love that I’m so dramatic! Who says life can ever be boring if you can work yourself up over a damn text conversation about damn pies? I feel so ridiculous but I love it! I am laughing but also wanting to cry because I feel so out of control. I feel like all I can do is lie on my bed and hope to fall asleep and use the wings tool and beam myself out of my cage and I’m choosing to step out of my cage and look around, and then I’m going to go to The top of a mountain with evergreens that I went to withy my dad, and it’s clear and bright and I feel soooo bad that I didn’t enjoy hiking with my dad when I was little I feel like he won’t be around forever and i didn’t do my best to please him and wasn’t the outdoorsy daughter he wanted. I feel so bad about that, that I just want a big hug from my dad, I am crying so hard right now, I feel so sad for all the time at home I didn’t spend. I feel like I love my dad so much and want him to stay healthy so we can go back to that mountain someday and this time I’ll enjoy it. I am crying and gasping for breath, where did that thing about my dad come from? I feel confused and a little shaken up. I want to be close to my parents but I also want to make my own life somewhere where there are more opportunities for me. I feel like I’m not ready to leave this small place and go somewhere big. But I have to. I have to grow and I don’t want to because it feels so scary. I have to change and I don’t know who I’m going to be when I change, who that person is, what she feels or anything. I feel sooo scared of letting go of this place I’ve always been, just kicking around from one side of the state to the other since I graduated from college. I want to have a big life! I want to be a big fish in a big pond. I want to have friends and fun things to do and a feeling of unattachment to the outcome with this guy that I’m with. I feel calmer now. Like my waters got still, like a still harbor. I feel like watching TV or going to bed, but turning my phone off so I don’t wait for him to call. I feel determined to continue on. I want to forgive myself for being an imperfect daughter and an imperfect woman. I feel like I bumble around so much and feel so awkward and un-Sireny sometimes, alot of the time. But I love my awkwardness. I love that it makes me human and fallible and vulnerable. There will always be the awkward teenager in me and I want to go back to my 17 year old self and give her a hug and tell her she’s beautiful and that none of it matters, that it’s all going to be fine. I feel like I am that same girl and I love her and hate her for controlling me. I want to be the woman I see in my future, I see her confident and fit and fulfilled and powerful, and I see her satisfied and I want to hug her and let her hug me and tell me it’s going to be okay. My teenage self feels like a daughter to me, and my older self feels like a mom, not my mom specifically but what I feel like I’ll be as a mother someday. And I want to be a mom to a girl no at least two girls so they each can have a sister! I want to impart all the things I’m learning to them so they will feel soooo good about themselves and will be the strong women i wish I was. My head feels empty now, and my nose is stuffy from crying. I love that I can cry so easily. I still feel bad about tonight and the stupid text messages. This guy is starting to feel exhausting to me. I want to just pack up my shit and leave soon so I don’t have to feel so torn. I feel like running away. I want to feel okay about it all. I want to feel calm and collected and like it doesn’t matter. I want to feel his energy coming towards me, and that feels like me leaning back and not caring, feeling like my insides can relax and be calm, not tight or churning, not shaking, just filling with air and feeling my lungs expand, and the air going into my nose and down, now up through my toes and back down over me, shimmering. I feel my pelvis responding and loosening. I feel better and ready to sleep.

  6.  #6Bethany on November 16, 2008 at 10:45 pm

    Reshi–The changes you’re seeing are inspiring to me and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but i feel like if you can do this with a man that you’ve been married to and have had so much tension built up with, then I can make breakthroughs with myself in a relationship with a guy that’s 3 months fresh. Good for you girl.

  7.  #7alias girl on November 16, 2008 at 11:17 pm

    yae reshi!!!! that is so awesome. that is so terrific to hear. yae! relationships can totally turn around if both parties are still on to do so! thanks for sharing. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8.  #8nir on November 17, 2008 at 7:32 am

    Even the thought of doing this exercise in front of someone makes me feel nauseous and terrified. I got the modern siren but the touching yourself part doesn’t make any sense to me and makes me afraid. I would never do this where anyone could see.

    I feel really hopeless right now.

  9.  #9Reshi on November 17, 2008 at 11:13 am

    Nir–you’ve come to the right place. And the fear and hopelessness you’re feeling are actually good! Allow yourself to feel them fully, LOVE them even.

    Bethany–Don’t worry, I’m not taking what you said the wrong way at all. I’m glad you’re feeling inspired, and your post was beautiful.

    I absolutely LOVE the Wings tool–and I find that when I use it to go flying somewhere, I often get triggered…and then I get some amazing insights from working through that. Every time I put on my wings and fly, I go knowing that whatever place I’ve chosen to fly to has a Gift for me. I never know what it’s going to be…but I always find it–and it’s so wonderful to be able to PLAY like this, to be able to travel to any perfect, beautiful place that I can imagine, any time I want.

    I love the community here so much. You guys are all the best, and Rori’s just a Goddess, there’s no other word for it. It’s so amazing that she’s provided all these wonderful programs and this online space for us to play in.

    And I’m really just so #$^@ing happy to have seen the energy in my marriage shift the way it did. There are no other words to describe it. I know I still have a long way to go but it doesn’t have to feel like pulling teeth anymore, it doesn’t have to feel like I’m living in a nightmare world. And I realized something else–my husband will NEVER love me the way men love women in the movies and the songs. He is just not that kind of man–he’s just not very sexual and he’s VERY practical and head-centered. But he loves me in his own way and for his own reasons–and I KNOW he does even though the future is still uncertain. And I’ll take real connection over fairy tale romance any day.

  10.  #10Daria on November 17, 2008 at 11:17 am

    Dear Nir,

    no one has to see what you’re doing. Try touching your face, maybe within a one inch area, and painting it minutely. It feels natural and it’s amazing to see how many emotions are within such a small area.

    You can also do it in your imagination with imaginary fingers, so u can paint stuff inside of yourself as well.

    Try it by yourself first, it feels like honoring yourself. Doing it in front of other people is similar, because your attention will be focused on you (and that’s part of the exercise, to learn to focus on you in front of others).

  11.  #11Daria on November 17, 2008 at 12:26 pm


    I feel SOOO ANGRY! I feel disgusted at my life and I feel like I am beating myself up! I feel so ANGRY that I have to go to work… I feel scared and disgusted to tell my regional director that I am only going to work for them once a week. (I have already told my manager and I feel glad about that). I DO NOT WANT to go to work… I told them I would do another 2 weeks. I feel so turned off!! I FEEEL TRAPPED!!!! No wonder I keep wanting to turn my attention to men and to contact them, which fortunately I have not. I feel shaky inside and it feels like my mouth turned down in a frown and my forehead furrowed up. I feel like a bull ready to charge. I feel like a bull stuck in a pen. Well that doesn’t sound very feminine and I feel embarassed. I love my bullness. I love my embarassment and my disgust. And that feels like almost crying and then it feel like more trapped ness. I feel like throwing this computer out the window. That would feel so satisfying. I would feel powerful then. That feels kind of like smiling, but I feel like it’s a condescending patronizing smile toward myself and that makes me FEEL ANGRY! I want to feel good. I Want to feel that I have lots of feel good things to do, and that this anger is good for me. BUT I feel trapped. I am not thinking of any feel good things. I want a whole shift in my vibe right now!!! I FEEL SO POWERLESSSS!!!!! AAAARGH!!! My life was going so well just about a month ago. I was getting my company ready and things seemed better than they had ever been, and now I find myself stuck back in this hole that I came from of feeling trapped! one of my voices says that NOTHING could make me feel better right now and I love my voice even though I know that’s not true. I want to feel good right now and I love myself and that part of me too. I want to love my anger. I want to love the tightness in my stomach that feels like a huge hairball of live wires! I love that image it sounds so dangerous. I must be very strong to be able to carry a basketball sized tangle of live wires. I feel proud. And I feel grossed out and worried. I feel that feeling proud of carrying this is what keeps me carrying it. And now I feel tightness around my left eye and I wonder and am glad that I don’t have migranes, because I can see how people get them off tension. And I want to feel headache and migrane free and I love myself. And that feels like yawning. I feel like beating this invisible wall with my fist!!! I feel trapped and I don’t want to get out the cage because all that is outside is a meadow and I don’t CARE About a $%^& meadow! (sorry rori just venting… meadow worked great for me before). I want something tangible and meaningful, like no debt, like lots of friends calling me and lots of fun places to go, like taking a vacation, like meeting new wonderful men, and that feels like frowning and it feels like more ANGER. I feel like I will never get through this anger and I feel bad putting you all through this. I feel like beating myself up and feel worried that I will slip and do it. A very angry part of me wants to prove that riffing tool will not help with my anger and that it is silly… and I love that part of me and that feels like a slight smile. And a part of me wants to feel that riffing will help and I am getting a picture of a little girl with big trusting eyes looking up. And I feel so sad I Feel like crying I feel like I am letting that little girl down, and now I Am sobbing and I feel confused. I feel so sad I love myself and I feel so bad for hurting myself. I don’t want to hurt myself!!! I was sobbing so hard and I feel glad to be able to cry. I feel so angry thinking about the people at my work and I don’t feel like helping the kids anymore and I feel so guilty about that but I FEEL SO ANGRY! I feel tension in my head and my chest feels freer after the short crying I did. I want to feel calm and accepting. I want to be able to help the kids at work and I feel happy about that. I love myself. I love the anger I feel towards my managers. I love the disgust I feel towards my work right now. I accept myself and love that I don’t feel like helping the kids… and I love the part of me that does want to help the kids too. I feel ashamed and embarassed that I am taking my anger with the managers out on the kids by not giving them my all. I feel ashamed that I don’t like working with most of these kids I have now because they are so spoiled. I feel ashamed judging the kids. At the same time I feel powerful and I love myself for accepting myself. Now I am getting an inkling of feeling like helping them. HAHA. That feels like laughing and I am laughing now. WEll so much for riffing not working!!! I GUESS IT WORKS!!! YAYA!!! I feel like laughin g and I am still laughing right now!!! WOW! U GUYS I want to riff everyday here on the blog! I still feel a little scared because riffing for myself only has a different, more detached and lonely feeling for me. I AM SO THANKFUL that you guys PUT UP with me. And I feel weird saying that you put up with me because that sounds like low self esteem and that is ok. I love my unworthiness. And part of me wants to feel worthy too. And I love that part of me. And I feel good I feel like I am leaning forward and yet I am smiling. I feel so relaxed. I feel a little queasy in my stomach and I love my queasiness. I feel good right now, I feel chill and laid back, I feel like enjoying the beautiful sunshine outside and the trees. I feel a little scared that the awful feeling will come back and I love my fear. It feels like wiggling knees and tight cheeks. And I love my knees and my cheeks too. And that feels like smiling. I feel like I don’t want to stop riffing because I feel so safe doing it and I feel afraid that when I stop I won’t feel so good as I do now. And that is ok… I really don’t have to stop I Can keep riffing for yhears, just sitting here riffing and that is ok! I love myself and my riffing… I know I can keep myself entertained. I am a magical riffing creature and you guys can read my riffs as I keep producing them continuously… That sounds like a cool idea for a fantasy book and I feel so pleased… I feel good yay… that feels like a sigh of relief… I feel like going outside and I lvoe that part of me and I feel like continuing to riff too and I love that part of me too… I want to wait until I definitely want to go outside and stop riffing naturally. I don’t want to force myself. And that feels so good that I can give myself that kind of choice, that I can respect and I am respecting and honoring what I want and what my feelings want. I feel tired a little bit… ok now I feel like going outside and I lvoe that! I love myself.!! Thank you Everyone!!!!

    going outside to listen to ipod and some new kind of relaxing brainwave entrainment and to breathe nice air and feel sunshine… and that kind of feels scary and nautious but I lvoe that scary nautious feeling, /I feel ashamed to tell u guys that I am listening to the brainwave entrainment thing… and I told u and I feel good… I feel like smiling and I feel brave and I liove my braveness…

    that feels like a big yawn… I Am going outside! =)

  12.  #12alias girl on November 17, 2008 at 1:19 pm

    what fabulous posts i get to read! thank you guys! daria, i feel Honored to put up with you. ๐Ÿ˜‰ you guys are awesome!

  13.  #13alias girl on November 17, 2008 at 1:25 pm

    oh and nir i’m not sure what the root of your uncomfortable feelings with touching yourself are. could be cultural, maybe you were taught it was a bad shameful thing to do. i don’t hold that belief system because it’s MY body and ai feel it is a natural thing to do. but i understand how one might be uncomfortable with it. it’s a tool you can try and if you donLt like it maybe it won’t be one that works for you. also you can try just doing it in your imagination maybe even using a really soft delicate paint brush and imagine painting yourself with love.

  14.  #14Bethany on November 17, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    I feel soooo crappy right now. I feel awful, just awful. I feel so bad that I saw him at work today and couldn’t look him in the eyes, there were lots of other people in the room but I couldn’t look at him. I felt so bad and then he left without coming over to talk to me. Then when he came in the room later I was reading this blog and he walked past my computer and I felt so embarrassed to think he might see what I was readng, or the heading at the top of the page. I closed up and he asked how I was, I asked how he was and then he said his students didn’t like the story he taught but that he likes it and i said o i like it too and then he asked if I had to go to class and I said yeah and then said see you later and then he said good luck as I was walking away and I said thanks without looking back. I feel so out of control. He hasn’t called tonight, and I called to see if one of my other male friends wanted to have a drink with me and he sounded annoyed and short with me. I feel so guilty for calling my male friend because I was just trying to have some other male relationships going and I feel afraid that I’ve screwed everything up and that all I want to do is crawl in my bed and cry and wait for my guy to call and break up with me. I feel soooo crazy. Is this what Rori meant by when you get to a new normal you fall back into the crap and then work your way through it, like a cycle? Do I just need to rest?
    I hope so.

    I want to feel like it is going to be fine and I want to feel my guy hopelessly devoted to me and attentive and leaning forward like in the first few weeks we were together. I want it to feel open and like I don’t have to control what is going to happen and I feel so bad for not keeping myself expensive and I want to be expensive and I want to feel that I am worth him paying for me when we go out. I feel like I’ll never get this right, like I’ll never get the leaning back and letting him close to me part right, it feels so scary, I feel so scared to open up and I want to so much. I want so badly to feel open and relaxed and happy, it feels like I’ll never get there, but who says that? No one says that, so I will, I will feel better and everything will be okay and I want to feel that I have everything he wants and I want to feel like I can turn myself around and forgive myself for falling into the good girlfriend syndrome and I want to feel passionate about my life and where I’m going, I don’t want to make myself small, I want to feel big and expensive and proud of who I am. That feels good, but scary, why is it so scary? I want to feel like I can do this, one day at a time, and that I can handle what’s going to happen. I want to feel good about all this, I want to be unattached to the outcome, That would feelso freeing, like a million taught ropes tied to my body snapping all at once and letting me shoot up into the sky. That feels like a lift in my stomach and I feel so weird, like I’m floating but bumping against the ceiling and I don’t like all the heaviness I feel, I feel so embarrassed that people can feel it around me and it makes me want to hide. I feel so bad that it’s almost 8 p.m. and he hasn’t called. I need to find something to do, I want to have a full life but it feels so cold outside that I don’t want to go out. I feel sad still. I feel so panicked about my degree, what if I don’t get my thesis defended in time and I don’t get my diploma until May? I would be done with school but having that piece of paper would feel so satisfying. SO what if I DID get my thesis defended in time? That would feel amazing, I would feel so accomplished and I’m scared I don’t deserve to feel so accomplished. I WANT to feel like I deserve to be successful, I want to feel like oh my god I’m sooooo pissed off right now, i feel soooo angry, at him, at the world, at all my professors, at my disrespectful students, at bitchy girls, at everyone who wants to hold me back. I feel like I could hurt someone and that scares me, I love my anger, I love my anger, it feels so powerful, I am powerful for having so much anger, I can use it to get all my stuff done and I can graduate and leave here like a bat out of hell and go to a new life in a new place where I can meet new people and not make my life small. I feel so calm now, like I can’t feel anything…no, I feel frustrated that he isn’t calling me, and what if he never calls again? I feel scared that my intense insecurities have scared him away. I feel scared of my insecurity. But I love it, because it’s just there to protect me, and I must need a lot of protecting if I can also have so much anger and rage and power. It feels natural to have such doubts coupled with such intensity. Otherwise I would be a psychopath. I love my intense feelings and I’m going to take them with me, let them move me, and trust that they will guide me to the good places. I trust that my awful feelings are signposts on the way to the good places, and I trust that the good places are out there for me, and I accept that I am here for a reason. I feel my tears come up through my shaking stomach, and I love it, I love that I can sit here and feel all this so strongly, and I love that I am so passionate. I am alive and kicking and that is much better than slow and depressed.

  15.  #15Bethany on November 17, 2008 at 7:47 pm

    I feel like I’m not fun. I am afraid that I am not fun. I am afraid that I am boring and a drag and annoying to be aroud. But I WANT to be exciting and energizing for people to be around. I want to feel excited and energized, not scared and terrified of what’s going to happen. To feel fun and excited would feel sooo freeing and wonderful; so loose, like I could move my body more easily and let it stretch out. I could let my shoulders drop and my forehead smooth out, I could breathe into my pelvis and feel light and energetic, like dancing. I could have a good time! That feels like pleasure, like a tingling at the back of my head, like my scalp is being tickled all over, and now my back is shivering and I feel good. Really good. I want to feel calm like this all the time, no matter what he is doing. I want to feel like I can bring this tingling feeling with me.

  16.  #16Daria on November 18, 2008 at 12:17 am

    Yay Bethany I just want to give you a hug!!

  17.  #17Cassandra on November 18, 2008 at 7:34 am

    Reshi…..I was thinking of you this weekend and hoping that all was going well for you and I am soooooooo happy for you! ๐Ÿ™‚ You and your journey are so deeply inspiring to me…you just have no idea how much!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us! I am so excited for you!

    …and actually I feel so happy for Daria, Bethany and Alias Girl too….you guys are also inspiring. I am happy to see how far you all have come and I am so excited to one day get to that same place. You guys ROCK!

    Welcome Nir….as Reshi had said,,,you have definitely come to the right place….welcome! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love and hugs to every one of you!

  18.  #18Reshi on November 18, 2008 at 9:26 am

    I should have figured that something would happen to knock me off my pedestal. Last night and this morning I found it really painful to be with my husband–I felt like all the bad old issues were back and the seminar hadn’t even HAPPENED. There’s still so much anger in there that’s coming out and being directed at me. Part of the frustration is in a long-standing pattern that we have where he wants to talk about things before doing them, whereas I do things first and talk about them later. He was mad that I burned incense in our house to clear out whatever negative energy had been there–and when he’s mad and yells at me, I just get so scared and feel completely helpless and hopeless and traumatized. I can’t even think about painting myself…but I know that Rori said the anger is SUPPOSED to be coming out and that makes me feel a little better…but how long is that going to be going on?

    So, Riffing.

    I feel really crappy and sad and hopeless right now, I feel like I’ve trapped myself in a cage and I’m denying myself happiness. And I want to feel like I can have happiness, I want to feel happy RIGHT NOW. I want to feel free from fear RIGHT NOW. And that would feel like lightness in my body, lightness and freedom and love overflowing from my heart. I want to fly away to my meadow on an island where 100 beautiful men are there to serve me and give to me and I want to lean back and take that in and just revel in it. And thinking of that feels so good, my shoulders instantly dropped, and I love the newfound sense of relaxation, and my head is still caged in fear, and I love the fear and I love my head for trying to protect me, it’s so OK that I’m trying to protect me and that’s really sweet of me to not want to allow myself to come to harm. So I’m on my island with my 100 men, young and old, short and tall, all beautiful, all masculine, all showing off for me, and it feels scary, I am afraid that they will hurt me. And I’m so angry that for the first 22 years of my life no man ever did anything BUT hurt me. I feel so scared and angry, and I love my fear and anger…and I’m going to fly out to my desert where I can stomp around and throw things and break things and set things on fire and destroy things to my heart’s content. I’m so angry that I was hit and called stupid and ugly and fat and was powerless to do anything back, and the only thing I could do was withdraw my love. The only way I could fight back was to withdraw my love, to refuse to make my father happy. And I’m so angry that now I beat men verbally and emotionally until THEY have no choice but to withdraw their love and refuse to make me happy. I’m SO ANGRY at this never-ending cycle of anger and pain and I want to destroy it. I want to feel free from it. I want to live in a world where I love myself and welcome others to love me. And I felt it just for a moment–love and lust for myself–and here comes the fear to smack down the love…but HEY! I love the fear too, it’s welcome to hang out, and I’m in charge, I can hold it and welcome it and give it love and ask it for the strength and wisdom it carries. And I want to feel fundamentally OK within myself. I want to feel complete within myself and that would feel like I contain my energy, like it isn’t always flowing out of me towards HIM. I want to feel like a receiver, a magnet, energized by receiving. And it’s so hard, I feel afraid I won’t receive, afraid I’m not worthy to receive. And I love the fear and the feeling of unworthiness, it’s like a withdrawn little ball of blackness. And I look it in the eye and give it a big hug and ask it for the wisdom and strength that it has for me. It says, “I won’t open. Not safe.” And I want to feel safe. I want to feel swept up into the Divine embrace. Like I can lean back and just be within myself and someone will come and caress me. That feels impossible…and I love the impossibility…it will feel that much sweeter when my miracle comes through for me. And now I’m going to take this upstairs and get naked and paint myself. ๐Ÿ˜€

  19.  #19Cassandra on November 18, 2008 at 10:17 am

    Reshi….you are such a HUGE Role model for me! You are doing so great with everything and i am so deeply happy for you and so proud of you and so encouraged by you. You are amazing and I hope that one day soon I can get to where you are.
    I send you a huge hug!

  20.  #20Reshi on November 18, 2008 at 11:28 am

    Cassandra, thanks so much. When I’m in a major funk that I can’t seem to shake, like I seem to be today, it’s great to hear that I can at least help someone else. {{HUGS}} ๐Ÿ˜€

  21.  #21alias girl on November 18, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    reshi you are doing great. as rori says sometimes the waters muddy up again and then become clear again. its process. you cans practice tools and boundaries. maybe something like i feel really off balance. i don’t want people to raise their voice to me in anger. i feel committed to discovering new waays of relating to the people i care about. you are on the right track, reshi! keep ya head up!

  22.  #22Becca on November 18, 2008 at 4:19 pm

    Is it ok to say to a guy in text message: “Sorry I missed your call the other day, I feel like I have been so busy lately”, and leave it at that? I had a missed call and text message the other day from my ex (and another text the next day too) and I did not get them straight away as I have been busy both times. When I did read them I felt it was too late at night to reply. I have not replied yet partly due to actually being very busy, and partly because I did not know what to say. Please offer your advice on this, I would appreciate it

    Haha, I feel silly asking your opinion on such a little thing when really I should just follow my feelings, but I am feeling confused right now. I am tempted almost to not reply but do not want to be rude and part of me also does want to reply but is scared of the outcome… as it may be good or bad. I guess this is the ‘be surprised’ part of Rori’s mantra and I am not good at letting go of control yet.

  23.  #23alias girl on November 18, 2008 at 10:21 pm

    becca what do you feel? busy? past tense as you mentioned. so i felt busy. is that what you want to communicate to him? i feel dot dot dot. maybe write out a whole bunch of i feels and then decide which one you truly want to communicate to him. ?

  24.  #24Becca on November 18, 2008 at 10:28 pm

    Thanks Alias Girl, that helps me. I will write them out before I communicate with him. I think maybe I have been too worried about what he will think when I do reply to his messages. Like worried that he will think that I have been ignoring him or don’t want to speak to him or something like that… when really I should not be worried about what he is thinking but how I feel, right?

  25.  #25Daria on November 19, 2008 at 10:26 am


    Right! =)

  26.  #26JustOne on October 2, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    Great post! I truly am getting heavily into this issue. Do you chance to know where I could find any connected forums? Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚

  27.  #27Rori Raye on October 2, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    JustOne – This doesn’t look exactly like one…but it IS a community and a forum…it’s just on my particular track…see how it works for you to be here…Love, Rori

  28.  #28laurie Anne on May 4, 2011 at 8:51 am

    I really love the newsletters I am receiving from Rori. I love being taught how to love myself. It truly does attract people. I am not around people that much, but really? Just knowing how to love myself period, is enough. If my man notices it, wonderful…but more importantly, it’s how I notice it in myself. I take better care of my emotional, physical and spiritual well being, and who doesn’t like to be around people who are fit in these ways? I was taught by someone that “like attracts like”…anyway, I am going to try the paint yourself with love exercises because #1, it can’t hurt, and’s about time I painted myself with love..instead of painting a picture in my head that I am not worth it, or that I am “not enough” and that I am not attractive enough to hold on to a man. I have been alone for 8 years..and now I find myself being “needy” in my new relationship. I do not want to be needy, or codependent. These are both relationship killers. I want to be loved, loving, and carefree..and can use all the help I can get…so Thank you very much, and Many blessings to all!!! ๐Ÿ™‚