Rihanna Finally Speaks Out

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kathryntullThis is a guest post from Kathryn Tull (I put it together from 2 of her blog posts). If you’re getting my Interview With Relationship Experts Series, you’ve just heard Kathryn, and know what a powerful help she and her work is.  I wanted you to know she has a free teleclass coming up called “Safe and Sane” – which will help you catch the Red Flags of a man, get past your instincts to be attracted to an abuser, or a man who simply is not going to be dedicated to making you happy.  You can get her free newsletters, her free “Stress Tips,” watch her videos, and sign up for the teleclass at her website – NextBoldStep.com:

I hope many of you were tuned in to 20/20  on ABC to watch and listen to Rihanna finally speak out honestly about her event of intimate partner violence from world famous Chris Brown.

I experienced several intense emotions as I watched her interview with Diane Sawyer.

I was sickened, as I always am, when I hear the details of what happens to our sisters of all ages at the hands of abusive partners, details so familiar to me from my own past.

I was thrilled for a celebrity of her world magnitude to tell the  ugly truth with a world audience in attendance.

I was angry and frustrated that without her celebrity status, she would be unheard,  “just another victim,” like the rest of us who have also been victims, but whose experiences have not deemed newsworthy. Her trauma would go unnoticed, unattended by public compassion and awareness, still isolated in her trauma, pain and shame.

Please watch this online if you did not see it last night. If you have been – or are currently – a victim of abuse, you may find it comforting and encouraging that someone who can get into the world headlines has spoken out at this level.  If you are not a victim, you will hear truthful information about what abuse looks like, and how it can seem to sneak up out of nowhere.

We all deserve to be safe and sane in our relationships!

I’ve had to seriously rebuild my life over the past few years.

People say to me all the time, ” Wow! Look at all you’ve accomplished!”

I don’t see it as you might, because you are looking from the outside. I know how steep the climb has been, and still is at times. The road can seem long. Sometimes, the next step feels like the biggest challenge yet.

Each day I commit to see an opportunity to move forward. Yesterday was great, and I want today to be, also. What I have learned is that it is up to me.

The truth is, that not every day for every person is great. Right now  I am hearing people saying things like, “these are unsettling times, the world is going crazy.”  “Things are out of control.”

Even if you are not saying it out loud, you may find yourself thinking things like this privately.

I want to let you know one thing for sure: you are not alone. Many people are experiencing mounting anxiety, or frustration, or other troubling feelings.

When it feels like things aren’t going well in one area of your life, it  affects other areas of your life. You may try to compartmentalize, but things leak. Thoughts and feelings seep over in some pretty sneaky ways.You may not see the correlation, but that’s the way it works in us humans.

The Good news is: you don’t need magic to fix this. You need you. YOU are your most important tool for a better mood and brighter possibility. Your job, your business, your relationship can feel like a dark cloud, when thoughts and feelings work against you instead of for you.

It’s time for things to get better. Try this as a quick free fix: listen to  one of your favorite upbeat songs. More than one is even better. So basic, right? It is, and it works. The beat of the music will get your heart rate up, which will release neurochemicals into your system. These will immediately support your better frame of mind. I find that I always smile when I hear one of my favorite songs; this immediately shifts your mood!  I usually end up moving around to it, too, even if I am in the car and I am tapping in rhythm on the steering wheel.

Try it, and see how it works for you. Write to me directly and tell me what’s on your mind. I want to speak to what is important to you. You can find me at http://www.nextboldstep.com.  Join me there, and I’ll send you more tips on instant stress busters.

Have a great week. Let me hear from you!

To your forward motion,


From Rori – be sure to let me know if actual physical and verbal abuse is your issue…almost all of us tend to automatically steer ourselves NOT toward what’s good and happy for us, but toward what will HURT us.  Most of the time it’s in small ways. We’re looking to somehow balance out our good times with our guilt, and the nasty voices in our heads with our dreams.  Kathryn takes all this a step further, and it’s very very helpful to see ourselves in the most extreme versions of where we’re leading ourselves.  It really helps us see what’s actually going on for ourselves, and can move us much faster along. I want to see you walking  purposefully down your Bridge to your Happy Ever After! Love, Rori


  1.  #1Tina on November 24, 2009 at 2:04 am


    Check this out 🙂 my sister was one of the many women who helped write this song, thanks for watching.

  2.  #2Daria on November 24, 2009 at 2:54 am

    Thank you Tina.

  3.  #3Tina on November 24, 2009 at 3:00 am

    Your welcome Daria 🙂

  4.  #4Daria on November 24, 2009 at 3:01 am

    I feel so sad. my thinking .

    I feel sad that my sister got mad that i hung out with my godbrother (her bf). we were also with another one of his friends.

    we get along really good . but i would not try to take my sister’s man.

    and then now i just thought about that well some women dont like their man to have women friends, and so yeah i dont want my sister to feel bad.

    maybe i would feel awful and insecure if my man was spending a couple hours with a woman friend. maybe someone at her house said something about it. i dono.

    its really not a big big deal but my thinking is making it that. and it feels sad

    i just cried.


    i love my brother and it feels fun to hangout with him but i dont want to feel bad and feel worried too. i want my sister and all of us to feel happy

    today it just happened to take a long time because i wound up doing a lot trying to get money out to buy food.

    and she said we didn’t do waht we said we did something else.

    which is not really true. the only something else we did is take about an hour trying ant trying to figure out how to get money out for food.


    i want to feel good. i do feel good that we said feeling messages to each other (text) me and my sister. so that is good. but i also feel bad like im a threat to their relationship and

    i was just feeling SO RELIEVED that i didnt have to feel that way anymore because now they are together but now i feel that way again urrgh

    she KNOWS i would not do anything with her man

    but at the same time if i was her i might feel not good about my man spending time with my sister

    so then she could come with us… or came with us this time… but i guess she thought we would just get the mail and come back.. BUT we did also talk about considering to go to one of his friends hosues. so that was kinda a possibility, it had come up

    so i feel just scared and i also feel sad

    and a lil guilty

    i feel scared of getting blamed for this, and scared that maybe im doing something “wrong” because it feels fun to hang out with my brother

    i feel icky! ugh!

  5.  #5Daria on November 24, 2009 at 3:03 am

    when she said we did soemthing else she meant we didnt go get the mail, we wound up hanging out with his friend

    not meaning we did soemthing inappropriate

    but then whats the big deal so waht if we did soemthing else too. we are not kids. so she just felt mad.

    i feel mad too and i feel icky and angry and scared. and i dont like feeling that way

  6.  #6Daria on November 24, 2009 at 3:12 am

    one of my best friends got with and then married my boyfriend at the time.

    another best friend later got with a guy i liked.

    so im being particuarly careful that i dont play out this pattern in a weird way, and also i might be particularly sensitive to how i imagine my sister would feel so im maybe projecting on her my own feelings.

    otherwise i would maybe have thought what the hell sis you are tripping out we are just friends, this is my brother, and who cares if we are hanging out, you know i hang out with all my brothers, you know who im dating , so wtf chill out

  7.  #7Daria on November 24, 2009 at 3:24 am


    I want to heal this! thank you!

    i love you icky feelings!

  8.  #8Tina on November 24, 2009 at 3:32 am

    Awe, Daria
    you guys will work it out, im sure. I feel hurt when my says hurting mean things to me. It hurts more than strangers telling me. My brother does the drunk and dial lol and tells me off, he actually called me a whore!

  9.  #9Tina on November 24, 2009 at 3:43 am

    He also broke my dolls arm ON PURPOSE! He also is the same bro that read to me when I couldnt read, he read me comic books before I went to school. He also told me god was dead and to prove it he yelled out I hate you god! freaked me out , let me tell you.

  10.  #10Daria on November 24, 2009 at 3:53 am

    oh my gosh tina. when i was young some guy friends of mine and my cousin used to scare me out of my wits with stories about ghosts and aliens.

    i dont have any blood brothers or sisters so i kinda adopted got adopted into my friends and we call each other brother and sisters

  11.  #11Daria on November 24, 2009 at 4:29 am

    I just found this from Rori on a back post:

    Rori Raye says:
    Michele – help – I’m not sure what you mean. Do you mean that HE’S dating 3 other women? OR that YOU have 3 dates lined up? If what I’m getting is that you are both free to date others, please do not bother to tell him anything about anyone else you date. Even having an agreement about this when a man is dating other women is bad news. Also – I’m really not at all fond of the idea of dating a man who’s dating other women – though I want YOU to date all kinds of other men! Definitely have an exclusivity agreement about sex, or be a rock star who doesn’t care (don’t know too many women like that…). Let me know if I’ve got this wrong. Love, Rori

  12.  #12Tina on November 24, 2009 at 6:42 am

    Hello, My name is ROCKSTAR!

  13.  #13Paula on November 24, 2009 at 6:50 am

    I left my abusive relationship over 2 years ago and yes

    “I know how steep the climb has been, and still is at times. The road can seem long.”

    Healing is really and truly baby steps and progress seems so slow. I have felt suicidal and on the verge of a mental breakdown. Lately, I’ve been feeling well and almost healed. My stranger feels healthy and happy these days. Even my inner little girl looks happier and less burdened

    What has helped me to feel sane and safe has been

    living in a spiritual community for a few months
    looking after my health and eating well and exercising
    reading this blog and Roris e-letters (thanks)
    I read a declaration of independence every day (a Rori tool that I like a lot)
    sharing with a few people who could hear me (people are scared and I felt ashamed to talk about what happened)

    What didn’t help ME too much was

    therapy (years of it before, during and after that relationship)
    anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication
    blaming myself
    trying to figure out WHY I stayed so long and put up with so much disrespect

    Now, I feel scared of the next steps

    – believing I’m desirable and that I can have another different kind of relationship.

    – Making a new life for myself in a new country

    But I feel truly amazed that I have made it this far on my journey of self love and self respect.


  14.  #14Flipper on November 24, 2009 at 9:23 am

    The sisters’ song is so heartwarming, Tina-Rockstar. I can feel their courage and the happiness they’ve found and want to share. thank you.

    Bravo pour ton courage, Paula, pour le chemin que tu as déjà fait et le voyage encore plus beau que tu vas faire.

  15.  #15Aldonza on November 24, 2009 at 9:54 am

    I had an abusive relationship when I was young. It really does start with not believing that you’re worth more than that and not thinking you can do any better.

    I think it’s also helpful to see that if a woman like Rihanna, who has it all, can fall prey to something like that, almost anyone can.

  16.  #16Aldonza on November 24, 2009 at 9:54 am

    Didn’t subscribe for some reason.

  17.  #17Paula on November 24, 2009 at 11:42 am

    J’èspere Flipper.

    Merci beaucoup

  18.  #18tinque on November 24, 2009 at 11:43 am

    Beautiful song Tina. Thank you for sharing.
    Healing from abuse is hard. I wonder if one ever gets FULLY over it. I still find my instinct is to cower at the sound of a raised voice. Yet I do feel safe most of the time. I FEEL love for the first time ever. I FEEL my own depth of love. Isn’t that what really matters? I can deal with a little catching of fear in my heart every now and then…

  19.  #19Dorothea on November 24, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    I was in an abusive relationship. It was my last serious relationship. I still struggle with my feelings about it, because when I say abusive, in my case we abused each other. I go through cycles of feelings – from feeling angry at him because he hit me and said devastatingly cruel things to me, to feeling guilty for feeling angry because I did some of these things to him sometimes, too.

    Most of the time I just feel like defending my right to feel angry toward him. He would tell me I was worthless and that no one loved me so that’s why my parents abandoned me when I was a kid and I should just kill myself…but ONLY when I reached out to him because I felt desperately depressed. He nearly threw me off his 12th floor balcony. He called me a fatherless freak and a crater-faced bitch.

    The truth is if I had Rori’s tools in this relationship, he probably would have treated like a princess. But I am glad I saw his true colors. I feel gratitude towards my clingy, desperate behavior, because without it I might have ended up with a man who is capable of hurting a woman so bad.

  20.  #20Simply Shannon on November 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    Daria: When you said “so im being particuarly careful that i dont play out this pattern in a weird way, and also i might be particularly sensitive to how i imagine my sister would feel so im maybe projecting on her my own feelings”, that’s exactly what I felt curious about!

    Maybe you could say “I feel weird. When I first read your text, I thought you were suggesting we were hanging out together, like inappropriately. I don’t want to do that to anyone, especially my sister. Is that what you meant? I do feel bad that we took longer than I said we would. What can we do to make sure this doesn’t happen again?”

    It feels good to admit that we have our own hang-ups. We all see the world through our own rose-colored glasses. Sometimes people say and do things and we interpret them completely out of context because of our own experiences.

    At the same time, maybe she has had the same experience as you (friends dating your BFs), so maybe it feels fair that she would have the same hang-ups. It feels a lot lighter to me when I consider it that way. I can honor myself by saying “no that was not my intent” but honor her feelings at the same time (because I would want that to).

    Does that make sense?

  21.  #21Simply Shannon on November 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    I actually needed to read this post and sign up for the newsletter. Something about the way things ended with Mr. Manly Man has me wondering if I was falling into an abusive relationship. The control issues that he projected on to me and that I allowed it for any length of time has me feeling a little freaked. I kept playing it off because most of the time it was just fun dates, but something keeps nagging me about it.

    I also had a somewhat rocky marriage where my ex and I would have screaming matches a lot. I was never with that way with any of the men I dated prior to him (got married at 28 so I was older and I thought more mature). I dunno. I feel curious about exploring this and healing whatever needs healing in me.

    Thank you Mr. Manly Man for giving me more opportunities to learn. And thank you for not calling me any more. 😉

  22.  #22Robin on November 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    I had an aha! Moment reading how we guilt ourselves down to balance out the good feelings when things start getting too good in our lives. Ive been feeling such fear around this & numbing out to where i just go blank. And its mainly bc one of my guys triggers me bc hes fantastic. Hes about something & i dont have to do anything but sit back & hes almost won me over, not bc of a ‘click’ but bc of how good & cared for i feel…Hmm how about that. Weve been dating since september & weve been on a lot of dates since then. He was gone for about 4 wks of that time, so we just havent been dating for a long time, but i still find myself going on, ‘when is he going to ask me about exclusivity? Is he going to eventually stop seeing me?Whats going on? Where is this going?’ and i know its way too soon but i can feel this anxiety in my body. And i certainly dont want to ask him but i also dont know what to do and so i panic and go numb. When i practice the tools, my mind just becomes too overpowering and i panic and

  23.  #23Robin on November 24, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    I go blank, its like i dont even remember how to do the tools..

    Last night I was out with him, we’re at the movies and Im feeling tense he sometimes holds my hand, he didnt last night, and I tried SO MANY tools and I still felt tense..i would feel relaxed for a few sconds, but the feeling just wouldnt last..im just siting on too much anxiety, and im like wtf is wrong? I dont wasnt this to f#$% with my vibe…


  24.  #24Bethany on November 24, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    Daria’s reposting of Rori’s quote: “I’m really not at all fond of the idea of dating a man who’s dating other women – though I want YOU to date all kinds of other men! Definitely have an exclusivity agreement about sex, or be a rock star who doesn’t care (don’t know too many women like that…).”

    I don’t get this! How is it “fair” for a woman to date around but it’s not okay for the guys you see to see other women…I mean yeah it would feel awful if you liked them but where’s the reasoning? Guys would pitch a fit about this, I believe. I feel confused.

  25.  #25Daria on November 24, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    Bethany. It’s not “fair.” Remember romance is not about being fair. its about worshipping the goddess.

    The point of the relationship is to worship the goddess.

    Therefore the men will focus on the goddess and she will circular date until she picks one.

    Imagine the princess in the castle, with lots of suitors at the bottom of the tower, doing all these trials and tests and killing dragons to prove that they should be the one to MARRY HER.

    It wouldn’t work if each day the suitors went to a different tower to a different princess.

    Men are DIFFERENT THAN US IN RELATIONSHIP. Thats it. We dont get to play the same roles. Same roles equals no attraction.

    It is their job to focus on us. it is our job to focus on us.

    We focus on us to be Goddessy and the men will be attracted, and want to be only with US. We will provide their pleasure by beign ourselves. and they get a chance to maybe marry us.

    The point of our circular dating is to GET US GODDESSES READY FOR MARRIAGE to one of the suitors that we will choose.

    anything that would make the goddess feel awful is not a good thing. we don’t want to feel awful.

    We are the feminine. We are considering OUR FEELINGS and not worrying about HIS FEELINGS because that is disrespectful to his masculinity…. but really because its not something that feels good for us.

    It doesnt’ matter if a guy has a fit about it. A guy who is having a fit about it is not a fit suitor.

    Can you imagine a prince at the bottom of the tower yelling up at the princess… wtf! theres all these other princes here?

    that would be ridiculous. would it prove his masculinity? would it prove that he’s more worthy than the other suitors to claim the princess? no

    it would look like he’s insane

  26.  #26Tina on November 24, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    I feel like a rock star because im not having an intimate sexual relatioship with anyone period! I’m going to change the outsome of my ex , the ending would be I circular dated instead of getting all caught up hormonally and emotionally with him and we didnt get married after all. This is exactly where I find myself again, meaning I am single and dating. I have one man in my rotation lol, um the difference is I have tools.

    Universe please send me some more men to date 🙂

  27.  #27Tina on November 24, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    From what I understand men like to compete for the Goddess, lol funny Romance is not fair, its about worshipping the Goddess 🙂 i like that.

  28.  #28Robin on November 24, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    “wtf! theres all these other princes here?”



  29.  #29Flipper on November 24, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    Great Fairy-Princess Tale, Daria. I love being reminded that romance is NOT fair, not about being fair. Like a cultural difference between everyday life and relationships. Many cultures don’t really have a word for ‘fair’, so it’s not even a universal concept.

    I’m feeling chagrinned for the Sirens who’ve known abusive relationships, and childhoods that so often laid the groundwork. Abuse begets abuse. That’s not fair, either. I feel despair. Fair feels good and I want to feel fairness. ….? Maybe, ‘I don’t want to feel unfairness’ is better.

  30.  #30Daria on November 24, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    heheeee! i feel so good! and smily! you guys are wonderful!11 weee thank you for liking it!!! heheheee

    i meditated and did some eft on my sister thingy and took a shower yay!

    i talked to one of my exes. he said well. imagine if me and her drove to the store and then came back 3 hours later like oh we just wound up hanging out with one of his friends…

    you would be pist! im like well… yeah i guess i probably would be pist

    hes like well I would be pist no probably

    but then again shes your sister so i dono how it is for u guys


    yes i DO see her side i do i do. it was very plain when he said it too

    the thing is i dont want this to come up again and again. i feel resentful of the implication that im doing something inappropriate with my godbrother.

  31.  #31alias girl on November 24, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    i <3 daria and her goddess story. 🙂

    btw mr vacuum is trying to get himself back into cutie-pie status. i told him i felt turned off but felt open to being turned back on.

    i feel agreeing with the man needs to be the one forwarding things and rowing. totally. i feel so lucky to have my paradigm include all these fabulous rori insights now. i feel wondering if rori was a queen or something in a previous life.

  32.  #32laughing goddess on November 24, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    I feel great reading the goddess story daria. I feel appreciative that you broke it down. I feel more understanding. I feel excited to give my prince a chance to fight for me.

  33.  #33Simply Shannon on November 24, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    Daria: You rock. Plain and simple. I love, love, love your voice. You are a rockstar. You are a goddess and so very lovely and yummy. Seriously. Men should worship at the altar of Daria and beg to be given the priviledge of being at your feet. I heart the words you spoke about circular dating. B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T.

  34.  #34Simply Shannon on November 24, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    I just had a great night with a new boy. Buh bye Mr. Manly Man. Damn Mr. Sexy is hot. And damn he is a good kisser. And my goodness the cologne he was wearing and the dimple on his left cheek… I almost couldn’t handle it. I can still smell him on my clothes. Scrumptious. Purrrrr.

    And I have a date with The Ghost on Saturday, a super cute cop boy who I’ve talked to randomly forever but never been able to make our schedules synch. HOT, HOT, HOT. Purrr again. 🙂

    I love being in love with MYSELF and not giving a rip if these boys are “the one”. I feel so free. I feel so capable of choosing the boy who is right for me. Taking my time and choosing FOR ME. And I love how bourbon and ginger warms my body. Yes. I do love it. On a happiness scale of 1 to 10, I’m at a 7 or an 8. My confidence and fierceness is at a 9, maybe a 10. And no, it’s the liquor talking. The liquor brings out my honesty and rips away all the BS that I tell myself. I heart myself. I only wish I ALWAYS believed what I see in the eyes of the men I meet. That look in their eyes that says “you are a goddess”. I see it all the time. Why oh why do I ever doubt myself?

    I am the pond. These men are rivers who nourish ME and MY POND. Can I just get an amen for circular dating?? AMEN!!

  35.  #35laughing goddess on November 24, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    Holy sh*t Simply Shannon! I feel super inspired reading your post! I believe! I believe you are a super hot goddess and I am certain that what you are seeing in the guys eyes is true.

    I had some interesting encounters with men today. This one man from Italy that is a friend of a friend was showing a lot of interest today. We’ve met several times and we are always very friendly with each other but never connected much…which I’ve attributed to our language difference. I’ve always been very leaning back with him. Well today he came to me and talked my ear off. I felt excited to receive his attention. I felt turned on by his accent. I felt pleased.

    Then, I was hanging out with him and this other guy and it felt like they were competing for my energy. It felt fun to experience that.

    Then this guy friend of mine that I have known for a while asked me to come watch movie with him and friends. This guy has come on to me several times but I haven’t been interested. I was sort of flirtatious with him the other day…in a playful way…mostly to get my mind off of J. Well now he is on me big time. When I told him tonight wouldn’t work for me, he kept pushing and eventually got mad as I stuck to it no. It felt really creepy and icky. I got a good reflection of what angry passive aggressive energy looks like. It wasn’t pretty. It didn’t feel good at all. I got the message universe! Thanks for the reflection.

    I feel excited to look at all of these experiences as circular dating. Can’t wait to get even deeper in to it.

  36.  #36laughing goddess on November 24, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    I also feel great that on my first day away from J, I received so much attention from other men. It definitely makes taking space easier. 🙂

  37.  #37alias girl on November 24, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    hahaha i feel super excited about the siren’s adventures!! 🙂

    daria i wrote a comment earlier praising your awesomeness and it hasn’t shown up yet. maybe because i wrote it on a computer at the library and not at home??? or maybe it fell into the internet black hole??

    anyhoo I LOVED your goddess story!!!! :))) 🙂 :0

    and i have four hot suitors at my castle beckoning and this has NEVER been the case. Two of them i told them bah! but they came back. one is eh in his pursuit. and another waited three days to call and then called and then i didn’t answer so he left a message AND texted. it’s like whoa you can wait three days (in which time i immediately forgot of your existence) and then blam you want to talk now now right now. wha?

    and then there are other men that i am trying to give a chance. sometimes these men call and their voices sound dead or depressed and it’s hard for me to get myself to call them back.

    anyhoo suitors and job interviews. THANK YOU! my vibe has shifted. THANK YOU!!!!!!

  38.  #38Robin on November 24, 2009 at 8:52 pm


  39.  #39laughing goddess on November 24, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    Congratulations Alias Girl!

    I feel elated

  40.  #40Daria on November 24, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    so the weird dream tonite was this. First let me say that i was watching 4 the love of ray j season 2, which i love and feel very entertained by.

    then i went to sleep late.

    i dreamt that i was in the for the love of ray j show. and there were a bunch of other girls there, of course.

    so then i wore this blue dress, and ray j saw me, and he said… oh… that dress is kind of plain

    and i said oh… i like how i look in this dress

    and i felt rejected and bad. and other girls that i didnt necessarily think looked that much better than me were getting attention from ray j, but that’s all i got. i think i was probably gonna get cut for not really having a connection with ray j, and cuz he must not have been attracted to me saying that the dress didnt look good.

    i felt crappy and taht dream felt freakin crappy, BUT VERY REALISTIC. i mean it had facial expressions, tone, you name it, it felt very real

    i woke up feeling icky about it, and about myself and competing against other girls

    im tempted to make a connection with guy having a baby

    i dont know how (feel weird) when im competing with other women. i feel like i will be noticed last, so i might as well forget about it and get ready to blend in with the boys… which makes me feel cool and powerful and “better than” the women

    and something else coming up for me is the incident when i was 5 and the little boy rejected me, and i chased him around trying to kiss him while he ran away, and how he told me he liked this “girly” girl in his class (while i was a tomboy)…

    i think i made up a lot of beliefs on that because it marked me hard:

    * men im attracted to dont want me

    * men im attracted to are going to find other women more attractive

    * tomboy girls are not as attractive

    * im not as attractive as other women

    * im not feminine

    * im not gonna get the man i want

    * im never going to get what i want

    whatever this comes down to, i think these beliefs have been creating drama scenarios in my life and i want to heal them

    thank you

    * if i tell men i like them im going to be rejected

    * im a woman who has to chase men and am overbearing and they try to get away from me

    * they dont want to kiss me

    * the ones i like are the ones i cant have

    etc etc

    this doesnt feel too good.

  41.  #41Daria on November 24, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    how do i feel right now ?

    i feel sad

  42.  #42laughing goddess on November 24, 2009 at 11:43 pm

    Hey Daria. I feel sad reading your post…for a few different reasons. I feel sad to hear that you have those beliefs because I know they just aren’t true about you and I feel sad for myself because I have similar beliefs which I know are also not true. I was just wondering tonight how I can change my lousy beliefs about myself. Going to try eft. I’m curious if you or anyone else have any other suggestions. While I feel sad I also feel hopeful that now that we are aware of these false beliefs we can change them.

  43.  #43Daria on November 24, 2009 at 11:47 pm

    there was something important that i felt touched by in Toastmasters.

    one member passed away and the others who knew him talked about him

    one woman spoke about how he insisted, he taught her to ALWAYS SAY HER NAME

    i felt so toched because sometimes I feel like i mumble my name. I cant even get it to sound like my name when im speaking english, cuz romanian has a different tonalitly, so i make my own name sound funny.

    and then it makes it unclear to others too

    i feel sad

    i will practice

    i spoke about it and got to practice some in toastmasters

    i think the message is so important

    i think its very important that we SAY OUR NAME boldly and powerfully

    i think it could have a big feeling effect


    i feel uplifted and shaky

    im still thinking about my sister

    i feel afraid …

    I got a call from my ex… i went to see him briefly where he was hanging outside and also on the way to my toastmasters meeting.

    he was being friendly but also not very leaning into me.

    i busied myself doing stretches and stuff.

    he is sweet but i feel not paid attention to around him

    i left early to try to catch the farmers market, without really asking him to go with me

    i then also refused to give him a ride somehwere

    i wouldve wanted to have sex with him but he didnt ask

    i am feeling happy thinking of him becoming a provider and feeling sure of himself and then asking me out on dates and catering to me

    he told me before when we were dating that hes not even able to care for himself so he cannot care for me (i didnt listen)

    but he was telling the truth and now i will offer him my vision of him being successful

    my godbrother said he was doing really well when i was helping him, and asking him and telling him everyday about working, and praising him when he was doing well

    yes but back at that time i felt like i was overfunctioning and geting nowhere but him dependent on me

    he said he thinks “a baby mama” should do that for her man (my sis is his baby mama).

    i said i dono. it seems more like somethign a man should do himself. he said yeah.

    eeh. it felt VERY DIFFICULT to push him at that time, and even though hes saying it helped him, i feel glad but boy did i feel like i was raising a grown adolescent. definitely a sister or motherly job, if at all

    will feel SO GLAD when he does it by himself yay go BRABRA!!

    my ex that i visted now called me, he wants me to go to sf to hang out, but i feel scared, cuz he sounded drunk and i dont feel comfortable with him when he is… also i feel suspicious that he wants a ride back so that’s why he asked me to go.

    but i COULD go dancing at a reggae spot, by myself… or with my girl

    even though i missed the free time it will be 7 bucks now

    i dono

    i feel bad thinking that my parents would not like me to go out

    i feel bored

    i feel unmotivated

    i feel weak and head to the side

    i love my feelings

  44.  #44Daria on November 24, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    L G –

    ditto. I feel hopeful we can change them. I’ve had success with watching free 30 min Lefkoe method videos, in removing “I’m not good enough”

    I may have had some success or not removing “mistakes and failures are bad” and “im not capable”

    might have to run those again

    but it was easy enough to watch the videos, and i do think i erased im not good enough, so i will be erasing im not important some time soon, maybe right now

    also this guy named Lion, has a cool process called Belief Closet, where we go into a mind closet and are looking in a mirror wearing our beliefs, and then take them off the ones that we dont want… and burn them… that was pretty cool too, although he says to work with a facilitator, i used the free seminar on myself and it was fun imagining.

  45.  #45Tracy on November 24, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    Alias Girl!
    Yay…..Yes to Great men and great jobs….
    Following up with the posts….Feeling glad with all the great stories….
    I am feeling really happy today…my friend told me that i’ve really changed and i seem so much happier now….I feel glad to have found such a good peaceful place inside of me…I feel grateful…
    I feel growth and contentment…My circular dating guyz are back and it feels great to date again….Baby steps…

  46.  #46Tina on November 25, 2009 at 12:17 am

    Tracy, I feel happy your circular dating guys are back, I have only one *sniffle, but he is a trooper, I have to say that much for him. Were going in the woods tomorrow to go 4 wheeling were bringing a bow and arrow hehe. I dont feel like killing wild game tomorrow, I’m feeling kinda lousy, pms time grrr.

    Daria , cheer up! Im feeling like a lousy Goddess right now. I want to go to a reggae bar with you 🙂 I would take my male friends with me to go out dancing, they seemed more fun to me.

  47.  #47laughing goddess on November 25, 2009 at 12:29 am

    Hey Daria: will you give the link for the lefkoe stuff again. I couldn’t find it on his site.

    I feel really interested in the mind closet technique. Definitely want to experiment with that.

    I also just remembered Rori’s post before this about rewriting past experiences. That felt great when I tried it.

    I just spoke with one of my dearest friends who lives far away and who I don’t get to talk to often. I feel so great connecting with her. It’s feels awesome to have great friends. I feel inspired to connect with my ladies more often!

  48.  #48laughing goddess on November 25, 2009 at 12:37 am

    Speaking of connecting with lady friends, even though I don’t know any of you personally, I still feel deeply connected and satisfied interacting on this blog. I also feel curious and hopeful to meet some of you one day. A Rori Raye meetup sounds fun. I live two hours from SF. Maybe we could get one started there.

  49.  #49Tina on November 25, 2009 at 12:38 am

    Rori Raye meetup sounds awesome!

  50.  #50Daria on November 25, 2009 at 12:40 am

    ok i did the LEFKOE belief on “im not important”

    i think it worked… it kinda feels like it worked but im not sure… but that means it mightve worked hehe

    also i discovered i made up this belief and maybe others from this one time in kindergarten when the caretaker’s kids were awake and playing and i was not, because we would get punished belief

  51.  #51Tina on November 25, 2009 at 12:41 am

    hey i signed up for that site lol meetup

  52.  #52Daria on November 25, 2009 at 12:42 am

    OMG LG – lets do it!!!

    I live only 30 min from SF… and soon we could get worldwide… we could even host Goddess Couch surfing!!

  53.  #53Daria on November 25, 2009 at 12:43 am

  54.  #54laughing goddess on November 25, 2009 at 12:48 am

    Tracy: I feel so happy to hear that you are doing great.

    When I was just talking with my dear friend, she asked how things were with J and if we were dating yet and I told her how great things were and how we have been having lots of fun together and that I felt very happy and content being friends with him but that I can definitely feel the possibility of it moving into a romantic relationship again. I didn’t mention, and thereby focus on, any of the things that I have been stressing about in regard to him and it felt sooooooo good. Everything I said to her was just as real and true as the negative thougts and fears I have been focusing on about him. It felt incredible to tell a new story. Incredible!

  55.  #55Daria on November 25, 2009 at 12:49 am

    Tina hehe… i do want to go out… i dont really want to go to that club by myself right now… bleh i dont want to pay to go in and go there alone, i dont really want to go tehre by myself right now err

  56.  #56laughing goddess on November 25, 2009 at 12:54 am

    Yes yes yes! Let’s do it! Rori rate meetup here we come!!!

    Thanks for the link Daria!

    Good night lovely goddesses sweet dreams. I feel inspired by all the magnetic feminine energy.

  57.  #57Tina on November 25, 2009 at 1:03 am

    ive joined the site but there is nothing in my area lol. This seems to be the case for a lot of sites i join lol ef it! anyway im on the site .

  58.  #58Tina on November 25, 2009 at 1:04 am

    Did someone create a meetup group?. ill keep checking.

  59.  #59Daria on November 25, 2009 at 1:05 am

    Is it safe to go to nightclubs by myself?


    Do i want to go to this nightclub tonite?


    Do i want to go to a nightclub by myself?




    Do i want to go out?


    I feel confused.

    I don’t know what to do…

    I can go out and drive around.

    I feel afraid of my dad’s disapproval.

    I feel angry.

    I can stay in and party online ouch stabbing in my side stomach by myself.

    I can remove another limiting belief.

    I can read my book.

    I can suck a dick (sorry thank you voice i feel weird and I hear that you feel angry… I FEEL ANGRY BECAUSE I WANT TO GO OUT AND MEET MEN AND YOU WONT TAKE ME



    thank you

    and i love you


    and i love mya nger

    and that feels like being frozen eyes into the comptuer like there are lazer beams coming out of them and pulling them into the computer

    i feel excited

    i feel good

    hey did you know Mama Gena seems to be divorced reading her newsletters now? what happened?

    i feel concerned –

  60.  #60Daria on November 25, 2009 at 1:07 am

    Tina don’t worry LG and I will work on it. Then we can couch surf and you can come visit and we can come visit you because i want to and when and if you want to too.

    PS everyone can work on it. Me and LG are close to SF and I know Erika is around here too and i will see if she wants to join or not.

    but we can all start one in our areas. then more people will join.

    We can do rori book readings or share her programs by watching a piece at a time in the meetups.

    and all talking about it, etc.

  61.  #61Daria on November 25, 2009 at 1:10 am


  62.  #62Daria on November 25, 2009 at 1:14 am

    i joined an abraham hicks one.

    I know with a good description of Rori’s stuff lots of women will join

  63.  #63Tina on November 25, 2009 at 1:29 am

    I just created a karaoke rock stars group hehe

  64.  #64Tracy on November 25, 2009 at 3:55 am

    I can resonate with not having so many guyz on circular dating……Mine just started poppin up recently..i am learning to open up with everyone around…i am learning to circular date as a daily routine where i just open up to everyone around me and not just dates….It feels great and life is so much more fun…I feel glad to practise with this….

    Laughing Goddess,
    Thank you….baby steps It feels good to just feel happy and settled in…I haven’t felt like this in a long time…
    I feel glad that i can be happy and enjoy my life no matter where i am and what i am doing…
    Still have my low days but i feel glad i know what to do….still so much to learn…

    Thank you for the link…It feels great to practise with my beliefs…especially with i am not good enough…
    My boss wants to leave and he’s been hinting about pushing me to replace him..
    Its a wonderful opprtunity..i feel that the universe is granting me my wish but i am not in alignment…i felt so scared when he mentioned the whole thing..i felt abandonned by him and i felt afraid everyone would think i am not qualified and i cannot step up to his shoes…Funny enough i have this same incident in my past life and i want to change it…I want to feel good enough…qualified enough because i know i am…I feel that i can practise with building my confidence and working on myself…i want to be the best in what i do and feel goood doing it…bless you for the link…..

  65.  #65Flipper on November 25, 2009 at 6:42 am

    Daria, If your ray j dream had been mine, I would feel that my Nasty Voices had hijacked it. If they’re so good at making things look realISTIC, I’d send them off to forensic reconstruction school. Obviously, they were miscast and didn’t even know how to put on your pretty costume right, so with them outta there, I would be able to see your REAL, LIVING self radiating your Beauty, Talents, Big Heart and Attractiveness for all to FEEL.

    Viva Tina’s Karaoke Rockstars MeetUp!

  66.  #66alias girl on November 25, 2009 at 9:20 am

    i feel tight jaw and rrrrr. i love my tight jaw. ah i feel better already. i feel angry. i have job interview. this job pays more money than victoria’s secret. and victoria’s secret hasn’t offered me a job yet.

    rrrrrr. i feel angry considering going to this job though i actually could turn out to be good. even with the potential for me to work from home.

    i love my confusion and fear. it is in an office and so i feel flashbacks to my last nightmare job. i love my flashbacks. oh i feel tears. interesting. i feel scared.i don’t want to trap myself in another nightmare.

    victoria’s secret feels good. they have company values that line up with my values. they have purdy lingerie and open space and moving around and pink marble floors.

    hmmm. i will go to onterview and see about this other job. it’s full time. i feel angry. i love my anger. i love my resistance. i will just go see. i feel good this job opp actually is decent. i mean comparably. okok. i will just go see how i feel.

    i feel excited about being wealthy and shopping for earmuffs that i can wear ice skating. hahaha that feels good. i feel so good being wealthy. ha! i love it. and ok. ok. i need to get ready to go on my job interview adventure. i intend a lovely day.:)

  67.  #67Paula on November 25, 2009 at 9:58 am

    I feel so angry…

    This guy stood me up for a lunch date about 3 weeks ago. He just didn’t show up. I didn’t wait around for him for too long.

    Today, he left a message on my phone (I didn’t answer it) to ask me to call him.

    I feel way too angry to talk to him but I feel a bit curious – maybe he has a REALLY good excuse? Like both his hands were temporarily paralysed and he couldn’t even send a text to say he wouldn’t be there…
    I don’t feel like calling him but maybe he’ll call again and I’ll answer (he’s hiding his number). What could I say without erupting lava all over him??

    I’m feeling frustrated with other guy. We keep trying to meet. I say ‘I would feel better if you decide if you want to cross town in traffic to meet me or not’. He says ‘it depends on your travel plans’ I repeat ‘I would feel better if you decide what you want to do’. He says ‘traffic will be heavy’. I don’t FEEL like repeating myself again…

    The message from these guys is that ‘I feel angry’, I guess.

    I’m getting nice, romantic emails from Mr Long-Distance. It feels great but it’s only a fantasy until I meet him. We talked on the phone. He didn’t want to ring my cell phone because it was too expensive for him BUT in the end, he had to do it to speak to me.

    I feel good that I didn’t try to find a solution for him to call me cheaply. Yay!

  68.  #68alias girl on November 25, 2009 at 10:45 am

    i want to be part of tina’s karoake rockstar group!!!

    paula isn’t there something called skype or something for long distance relationships? i used to always see this one guy at the coffee shop talking to his girlfriend on the computer.

    tracy you Can do it!!!! or at least try!!! it sounds like your boss believes in you. i met this one guy that was a boss of his much older colleagues. and he felt weird when he got promoted because he was the youngest guy. but it turned out ok and the people ended up respecting him.

  69.  #69alias girl on November 25, 2009 at 11:09 am

    tina i just listened to that song your sister helped write. how lovely. thank you for sharing that. 🙂 the singer kind of reminded me of the indigo girls.

  70.  #70alias girl on November 25, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    well alias girl, how did you FEEL during your job interview adventure?

    well i felt blech. and disgusted. and ew. thank you for asking.

    blech. ah i feel like i can breathe and see better outside of that environment. hmm. i feel curious about my life. ah. deep breath.

  71.  #71Heather on November 25, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    Tina: Applauding your song!!! Exquisite 🙂

    Paula / Dorothea: Yay for you both getting out of abusive relationship situations!!! Me too. Though it was over 7 years ago (and lasted about 5-6 months only), I still occasionally find myself getting triggered when I am under stress. It’s been a journey of healing. And maybe it’s true – we need to have more self-love and value. I listened to Rori’s interview with Kathryn Tull and appreciate that so much – inspiring that Ms. Tull pulled herself out and got on with her life, and is now crusading to help other women pull themselves out.

    I feel inspired by the talk of meetups and Lefkoe/EFT healing and circular dating stories by the sirens on-board… I want to challenge myself to date and get out more.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all!

  72.  #72Flipper on November 25, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    Alias Girl, (now back out in the fresh air). At least now you know Not to take that job if you don’t Feel like it, no matter what the so-called advantages. Much better if you can find something where you feel Victorious, secretly or overtly.

    I once knew a girl who said if she went on the interview not really interested by the job, they always offered it to her. (Sounds like circular dating, teehee). On my last few jobs, I’ve found myself in YES – NO situations, and they all ultimately did me more harm than good. I haven’t even bothered to look for a new ‘real’ job this time, and though things are far from ideal, I’m not finding myself actually worse off in the end.

  73.  #73alias girl on November 25, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    thank you sooo much for your support flipper. it honestly feels like circular dating! and i keep getting messages from the frogjobs.

    i mean after my last job experience i actually have strong physical reactions to people and environments. some of these jobs i wouldn’t last a day in anyway. obviously, i can barely make it through the interview.

    hahaha this last one was working with a psychic network (i know it sounds fun—right? i thought it had good potential)

    but everyone there looked poor and acted b*itchy. plus the flourescent lights. and they couldn’t tell me what hours i would work. “possibly swing shift” and they couldn’t give me a set schedule and it turns out it actually Doesn’t have the potential for me to work from home like the girl on the phone had said. i was like wha?

    what? are you out of your frog mind? frogfrogfrogfrog frogjob



    exiting stage left now. bye frogjob!

    anyway during the interview i realized that i could not work for the company and they asked if i believed in psychics. and i got the feeling nobody there did but i was supposed to pretend along with the rest of them. and i said “well your company is called “XYZ Entertainment,” not “Psychics Healing the Planet”


    obviously if they truly believed in psychics and they had true faith in their psychics, then the job would have been offering much more and the environment and personalities would have felt different.

    but thanks again for your support flipper. it really means a lot to me. i feel like i am actually clearing away a lot of self sabotaging beliefs. i feel very good and uplifted and more free in this area of my life.

  74.  #74alias girl on November 25, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    ok but let me focus on the great things.

    the job was really close to my house
    casual dress
    i felt able be authentic
    i felt like a desirable candidate
    the pay was decent

    it was actually very very very close to good and better and perfect.

    so i will keep my focus on that. and there was space. and it was kept up nice and clean.

    ok so there were lots of good things.
    and the one woman was dressed really cute!

  75.  #75alias girl on November 25, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    all of these experiences are HELPING me become goddessey and keep me on my path of bliss. they are HELPING me. i thank them. thank you. i feel loved.

  76.  #76laughing goddess on November 25, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    Alias girl: I feel curious about how you are clearing away your self sabotaging beliefs. I’ve been getting into the leskoe videos and I feel super excited about them! I feel soooo excited to be focusing on this kind of work. It feels very important and fundamental.

    I feel certain that your job options will continue to improve just like the men keep getting less and less froggy. And I feel elated that all you have to do is say…NEXT!!

  77.  #77laughing goddess on November 25, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    I just had an interesting experience with my business partner. He can be a real downer, “realistic”, buzz kill type sometimes and I was feeling depressed just talking to him. But then I brought up the subjects of beliefs and told him how excited I was to be clearing some of my beliefs. And the first thing he said was “well, people are lazy. Nobody wants to do any work to help themselves” and I said ” perfect example of what I am talking about. That is just a belief you have. It’s not absolutely true” and we got into a big discussion about that. I felt interested and intrigued and evolving. It felt very cool.

  78.  #78laughing goddess on November 25, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    I was thinking about beliefs and what it means to be a rockstar and I realized that I want to be careful about not tranforming these rules we are learning into more limiting beliefs. For example, now I may have the belief “guys won’t be attracted to me if I lean forward” and then I may become super paranoid that I my energy may be interpreted as leaning forward and then I act weird and give off a strange uncomfortable vibe.

    A rockstar has the belief that everything she does is attractive and that she inherently has value and that she can make no mistake that is big enough to lower her value.

  79.  #79laughing goddess on November 25, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    and attractiveness.

    I feel a big huge massive difference in these two approaches.

  80.  #80Daria on November 26, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    you go LG for real.

    I will update on the Leskoe videos in a sec