Seeing Love With New Eyes

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Ahhh…art class.  More wisdom from 3 hours sitting with a charcoal pencil, a slab of newsprint paper propped in my lap, and cups and saucers and bowls and bottles and teapots in front of me on a platform with my own, personal,  student light shining on them at the angle of my choice, than I could have imagined.

I took this class as a form of meditation.  I told the teacher I wanted a new way to slow myself down.  To BE instead of to think, and to be in process instead of working for a result.

This class isn’t at all about artistic expression.  It’s about nuts and bolts.  I’m learning to draw from the ground up, step-by-step, with precision, with “Tools,” one after the other, that stretch my ability to see and to draw what I see.

This kind of class was what I wanted.  I didn’t want to “express myself” freely.  I wanted to learn what a cup looks like and how to get that cup, at least the way I see it, and as close to the way it looks objectively, scientifically, pictorially, on paper.  I wanted to learn how to draw a cup.

And after I can draw a cup, I’ll learn to draw a face, and a hand, and then a tree, and then a forest.  And when I believe I can draw what I see in a way that seems right to me, correct to me, then I’ll start expressing myself.

I really wanted basics.  My whole life I’ve been skipping the basics in order to get to the end, and it’s taken me years to understand that it’s not the destination, it’s the journey that the whole trip’s about – and although I’ve heard that, and said that a million times, it takes the DOING of that to understand what that really IS, and to actually EXPERIENCE IT.

Some people have the gift of being able to EXPERIENCE naturally – but most of us don’t.  Most of us walk through a forest with the laundry on our minds.

Most of us have sex thinking about how it looks, how he feels, what it means.

Most of us go to work to get to the time we go home.

Most of us instinctively walk through things instead of sit down and enjoy them.

Most of us eat without tasting, live without enjoying, listen to music in our headphones instead of the birds in the trees, and believe our now is nowhere as good as our someday.

My Tools are meant to help you reverse all that, and in the process of reversing it, to become more magnetic, attractive, open, and LOVED, because in that process you become more thrilling to YOURSELF.

I find my joy in my imagination, in writing it down, and so, because that’s my nature – on top of a lifetime of being told my feelings were of no consequence, that only my mind was important – I have placed my focus on experiencing as the way to blend my joy in my imagination and joy in real life, too.

So, back to the cup.

I’ve noticed, in my art class, how every Tool I’m learning works equally well in ramping up my ability to receive love.

So, I’m going to write a whole series of relationship and love Tools based on these art Tools, with mirrors and plumb lines and reducing glasses, and triangles and stable points and how to sit and how to hold a pencil in the first place.

For now – just say this over and over to yourself:

“I intend to actually SEE what I see.  I intend to see ALL of what I see.  I intend to Experience all that I see.  I intend to make seeing what I see and experiencing what I see and feeling what I feel the whole, the only point.  I intend to have no end result in my mind, other than how good it would feel to receive endless love, to see love everywhere, and to experience love all over me.  I intend to enjoy every single baby-step.  It’s the baby-steps that ARE the trip, my man is with me on the trip, Love is with me on the trip, all I need to do is SEE them and experience them, and they’re there. The trip is what there is.  The trip itself is the way I love myself.  The way I love myself is the way I am loved.”

Let me know how that lands for you.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1heartbeat on January 22, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    I feel excited reading this post. I went to art school, I completely understand about the cup – I’m nodding vigourously!

    I taught art for a time. Most students would draw the cup they imagined rather than the cup right there in front of them. I used to ask them to look at the edge all around the cup, and draw that. There is no outline. The ‘edge’ comes and goes, here it is sharp where the lit edge is against a background in shadow, there it is barely discernible where the lip is the same tone as the wall behind. Just by drawing this varying ‘outline’ you can make a cup look real.

    I feel the same way about my man, and about my life. I could ‘draw’ a man from my imagination and then feel disappointed at the lack of ‘fit’, or I can notice the real man, or the day as it unfolds, and be intrigued and amazed.

    Poetry is the same for me. Poetry feels most emotional to me when it includes the little details. A missing button on a coat, a thumbprint on the edge of a page, a coin like an eye on the pavement….

  2.  #2Cookie on January 22, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    OMG, heartbeat, I so feel what you’re saying about drawing the man in our mind, as I know i have done this often. I have been in so many terrible situations with men because I was imagining life with this person rather than seeing what and who was actually sitting in front of me. I’m such a dreamer, always fantasizing, thinking and living somewhere in my head. In high school I used to carry a notebook and write my fantasies about Imaginary relationships based on unrealistic expectations, so much so I never noticed if anybody really liked me, I never had a boyfriend then. I always stressed about having this imaginary body instead of loving what i have. etc. etc. the story of my life. It’s really time for me to see the real and be in the present and actual. i feel inspired, i feel afraid that I may actually be and get what I want.

  3.  #3Reshi on January 22, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    I had to give up studying art because never was able to draw what I saw; I always drew what I imagined. I felt like when I tried to draw what I actually saw, the results were UGLY.

    What I imagined my marriage to be until the bomb dropped? It was WONDERFUL. It was this beautiful, everlasting relationship between two souls who would love each other forever no matter what happened between them. This wonderful free place where I could really be myself, and be loved and desired for being myself. But what was it really? It was really kind of ugly. HE was really kind of ugly, though he was pretty on the outside. And I didn’t want to see that or draw it. Had I been willing to see the ugliness, to be in the present moment and with my feelings during a horrible fight or a humiliating sexual moment, who knows what might have happened?

    I feel this same way about everything. My job, my volunteer job, my life. I paint them with rose-colored (or crap-colored, depending on my mood) glasses, drawing the lines that I imagine are there, ignoring the lines that are really there. For better and for worse. Today when I went in to the volunteer job there had to be something in the air. I felt so awful and triggered and I know I was floundering, to the point that I got the director pretty frustrated with me. And then I felt like I was dropping the ball and failing, and I felt scared that I would singlehandedly cause the demise of the organization.

    Can I go in to work and just EXPERIENCE the workday? Can I allow myself to work with what is there, and not what I’m imagining should be there? I feel this job is an amazing opportunity for me to truly do a labor of love in the world, an amazing opportunity for me to grow and change and BE someone who lives my passion–without having to fight tooth and claw with others who have the same passion and also want to live it! It’s an amazing blessing and I want to fully experience it.

  4.  #4heartbeat on January 23, 2009 at 2:10 am

    Cookie thanks for mentioning ‘body’ – yes, that too – I looked at some photos of me when I was in my late teens/twenties and felt regret that I was always unhappy with how I looked. Looking at those pictures now I see a pretty young woman with a gorgeous body. Thankfully I’m over that now, like DocK on a previous post, I’m also nearly 50 and getting some photos done – and I’m ‘technically’ overweight, but f*ck that! I’m curvy and many men would put me and my backside on an altar and worship 🙂

    Reshi I love the refernece to rose or crap coloured glasses – EXACTLY! That so rings true for me. Every relationship I’ve been in, except for my current one, has gone bad after a few weeks, because I got so easily triggered and started seeing terrible things. I spent a childhood hearing my mother say terrible things about my father, and men in general. I felt traumatized.

    There are still days I get triggered, but Rori’s methods work superbly for me. So I know when to speak about a real issue, and when to deal with myself.

  5.  #5Maria on January 23, 2009 at 2:54 am

    l think the focusing of the process has coded into us from the very young ages – you should get good grades, behave well, and show only the best side of you. so you are most of the times IN RUSH to get the results, cos there is always lack of time. In my mind l know that l dont have time – deadlines are rushing in and under that pressure to enjoy the moment of enjoying my time just is never there.
    However l have found myself a hobby and whenever l do that, time just STOPS and it is ture healing and recovery. l paint!

  6.  #6heartbeat on January 23, 2009 at 2:56 am

    I’m feeling really into this art analogy. Another thought – remembering how things shifted when I shoved off the imaginary audience (who were all saying how crap my picture was) and just got curious about the subject in front of me, or the material I was using – something that was often said in my art school days was ‘drawing is about seeing’. It seems sort of obvious, but it’s about ‘looking’ as if you’ve never seen what’s in front of you before.

  7.  #7heartbeat on January 23, 2009 at 3:00 am

    Ah yes, Maria – that feels true for me too!! Thank you. Yes things feel so much EASIER enjoying the process rather than rushing to an end result – in every part of life.

  8.  #8DocK on January 23, 2009 at 7:17 am

    I love the art post. My brother is an amazing artist. When I was a little girl – we would play “hangman” and all I could draw was the little stick figure thing and my brother would have some sort of contraption with wires and stuff and I felt so incompetent.

    My artistry today – is my face and body. I love make-up and I love to play dress-up. I have a picture of myself at 2 yrs old and i am wearing my mother’s shoes and hat and a puffy skirt – it was already in place.

    I thank everyone for any lovely comments they have made to me regarding my photo shoot. It feels so wonderful to hear from you and “feel” the love.

    On my way to work my car hit ice and spun out of control. I wasn’t hurt but my car went into the side of the road facing trees (should have hugged one while I was there) and I couldn’t get it unstuck. The REALLY funny part of this is that I was annoyed (arrogant me at 48 years old) because no one was stopping to help. I’m thinking, ‘OK – I’m old(er), but I’m still a blonde in tight pants and boots standing at the side of my car, why isn’t anyone helping me?’ So, I sat back in the car (leaned back) and within 5 minutes I had 3 guys pushing my car out of its stuckness and I hung up on the crazy woman that couldn’t get the info right for roadside assistance and got to work a little shook up but only 15 minutes late.

    All of you ladies that write here are an inspiration to me. Someone commented about believing in “good/ nice guys.” I agree. They are out here. We are all human, and male or female – we aren’t perfect. We all are doing our best and want to be loved, play and have someone to go through the ups and downs (and spins) of life with. Believe!!

  9.  #9DocK on January 23, 2009 at 7:56 am

    I did forget to add something about men and “new eyes” and all of that.

    A guy, gorgeous, great body, 20 years younger had been asking me to go dancing with him. I finally agreed to meet him at this club where people do ballroom and latin dancing (night starts with a little dance lesson). I had been focusing on his age and it finally hit me (new eyes) – who cares? I could have fun. How many guys would worry about a date with a woman 20 years younger because she may want children or whatever – they would just focus on a butt you can bounce a quarter off of and enjoy themselves.

    So, I went. It was fun. He kept referring to me as a “hottie” which made me feel tickled to no end. When he danced with some of the “regular” women he knew there, I danced with other guys – all ages, shapes and sizes – and felt in demand and sexy. When I was tired – I said, ‘Bye, had fun,’ and that was that. Circular dating – here I come!!

  10.  #10heartbeat on January 23, 2009 at 8:05 am

    Oh WOW Dock – hi five!! 🙂
    Love the stories about your journey and dancing.

    There really are good men out there, and they don’t care about age. I felt hung up about but I don’t now. I feel good at my age. I talked about children with my 11 years younger man, as I don’t want any more, early on. I don’t notice he’s younger. We talk all the time. Sometimes I feel wiser than him, sometimes he feels wiser than me, a fresh perspective.

    Look forward to hearing more from you DocK!

  11.  #11Reshi on January 23, 2009 at 8:49 am

    Ahahaha I love it DocK! I’m not a blonde and don’t wear tight pants, and men don’t stop to help me when I have car trouble–but I think it’s not because I’m ugly, it’s because I just have no faith that men will treat me well. The universe is all too happy to reflect that back. I keep leaning forward, waiting for the help and the attention and the love, and it just never comes. It makes me feel sad and helpless and hopeless and alone.

    Seriously, as recently as 3 years ago, when I would have car troubles I would find myself in tears at the very thought of having to ask for help, because I would be afraid that whoever I asked would not help me, would just tell me that I was stupid and irresponsible and to handle it myself or go ask someone else. (I had a father and teachers who treated me that way.) When I was young and in college people would stop to help me regularly if I would have a problem with my car, they would see me walking and offer me rides. But I was always uneasy, I was taught to believe that all strangers, especially men, were dangerous. And this is probably a very GOOD thing for young people, whose intuition is not developed, to believe. But I can see how it leaves me always feeling unsafe and alone, and always giving off a scared, unapproachable vibe. D:

  12.  #12Prescilla on January 23, 2009 at 11:42 am

    I really have learned over the past couple of months, through my own reflections and life’s experiences that I have to SEE a situation for what it is. This is a patient process and, I have to give the lines, textures, and colors time to form and blend. I want to rush to the end result, but it’s those baby-steps that help me in my transformations and life journey.

    Reshi, I totally understand what you are saying about giving off a scared, unavailable, unapproachable vibe. I’ve had that problem all of my adult life. It was taught to me as a child not to trust people, especially men, so it has been really difficult for me to let people in. As a result, I have done very little dating. I have always thought I would be hurt so I didn’t want to trust.

    Now, I have learned to drop those walls and barriers. I’m learning to let people in. It’s hard, believe me. My pictures are forming and I can see what is in front of me. I don’t have to guess or pretend, wondering when my “reward” will get here. Just like Rori said, I don’t have to make anything happen. I don’t have to do anything to manifest anything. I am here, just being, seeing and experiencing.

  13.  #13DocK on January 23, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Hmm – again the concept of “new eyes” since I cannot literally, “see” any of you yet you are ALL SO beautiful!!!

    I read the postings and I can feel so much – confusion, sometimes yes, but also courage, honesty, love, unselfishness – responding to each other with words of encouragement. LISTENING to each other. Wow.

    I knew that there were amazing women in this world. Guess the consciousness of opening of hearts brought us to this place.

  14.  #14Linda G on January 23, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    This is so amazing. two weeks ago I had a drawing class, figure drawing, 5 days in a row, 8 hours a day. It was the first such class I have taken in 25 years. I used to be a painter. It was the most wonderful experience I can remember. I wish I could spens all of my days in this class. And to top it off, I would get focused for the class by using Rori’s tools. Getting my center, becoming quiet, living/seeing in the now. I did the best work I’ve ever done, after not drawing for all those years. I had a complete breakthrough, through the stumbling block that stopped me from painting back then. The tools and the class enabled me to experience a joy I’ve been missing for years. I have been completely depressed since my class ended. I have had to go back to work and my evening academic classes in art education.
    My relationships have stumbling blocks, too. I have only just realized that no matter how many feeling messages I use, How far i lean back, how attractive I think I am, I am unable to “unzipper my heart”. so much time, so much disappointment, so much failure has left me unable to make accessible that which will truly connect to a man, or even to a friend or my children.

  15.  #15Ann on January 23, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    Since I like to draw tho ,I haven’t allow myself to get lost in art in months, I’m loving this post and all the comments. I often look for things to help me open my eyes and really “see”. At the moment, I feel, I see a group of woman(everyone who post here at any time) who reach out to connect and support each other.

    High 5’s and Hugs for all of us!

  16.  #16cookie on January 24, 2009 at 11:43 am

    Linda, I feel some of the feelings u described about not being able to connect to men. I’m feeling so much pressure to make movement in my life my parents want grandchildren n I been w the same man for 7 yrs. He used to talk about kids n family our whole time together now all of sudden he doesn’t ever bring it up. Now that I’m ready. I don’t know what to do I wish rori would respond to this one cuz I can’t stop thinking about no matter how manythings,classes,etc I add to my life I still feel empty n sad.

  17.  #17Linda G on January 24, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    Dear Cookie; I would follow the advice Rori gives in her newest blog post about turning around your marriage, even though it is not the exact scenario, it’s still the correct course of action.

  18.  #18Linda G on January 24, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Oh, and getting back to me… I also realized I treated my precious drawing like I do my relationships, I ruined it by overfunctionung and sprayed it to death with fixative, which absolutely corrupted the subtleties and finesse!

  19.  #19Cookie on January 24, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    thank u linda for responding to me i read ur response in the other post n it was so right on thank u. i guess i keep stepping forward then being afraid to keep moving because of fear. its great to read that are progressing so.

  20.  #20Melissa on January 26, 2009 at 10:04 pm

    In my marriage,I so identify with being in the masculine energy..always doing doing doing.. and everything. Thats not the way it started but the way it ended up. I also let myself go as I was too busy taking care of everything and everyone.

    With Roris help, I am now focused on ME.. taking better care of myself and MY needs. I have been divorced over a year. He does respond to me differently now.. Hes stepping up to the plate with money..alot more than he did before. AND I can see the twinkle in his eye now.. the one that he had when we first met. Interestingly enough, when we were married, he told me I had to care about myself first.

    I am comfortable meeting men etc. But havent been asked out in ages.

    I thought of Rori this am,..When I was in Starbucks, I used feeling messages on the very very young barista.and he started flirting with me big time..I loved it.

    At work, I have had a flirtation with a guy for a very long time. When I was first divorced we went out, had a great time, made out etc…He was going through something which made him unavailable, as well.

    Everytime I see him, my heart almost stops. He always hugs and kisses me.. I do just melt in his arms. He continued to flirt..Today he winked at me at least 6 times in the hour we were in the same room (cafeteria)together…Oh by the way, I did lean back when he approached me today.. and several minutes after we were in conversation..He took me in his arms.. WOW.. I wanted to go home with him..I do flirt with him looking at him for 3-5 secs like Rori suggests..and he flirts back.. However, it hasnt gone any further. He is single..

    Any suggestions…??

  21.  #21Daria on January 27, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    Melissa it sounds like you’re doing great! Keep it up, and keep adding other men and continue practicing being open with the feeling messages…

    Why has the guy at work not asked you out… perhaps he is about to? Maybe you could say… I would feel open to dating you again you know, what do you think?

    or… It would feel great to go out with you…

    or… nothing… and see if he CAN step up on his own. If not there are MORE out there!

  22.  #22heartbeat on January 27, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    or “I feel really good/happy/excited right now with you”

    Yay keep going Melissa!

  23.  #23Cassandra on January 28, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    Heartbeat…that is so awesome that you are also haveing pictures done! I definitely appluad that and the truth that you love yourslef no matter what anyone else thinks, says or does. I aspire to get there. thank you for being an inspiration.

    Reshi….I loved the beautiful image of your imaginary marriage. Sometimes people tell me taht I live in a bubble but you know what? My bubble (without all of the drama of Charles and his antics at times) has always been such a happy and peaceful and beautiful place. So what if it isn’t reality for most people…it is for me and that is what has always mattered to me. I love that image of what you imagined….it really is beautiful. Sometimes I would rather be in my bubble world than in the real world….it is so much more beautiful in here and now I know taht I am not alone in here!!!

    DocK…I am so glad that you are ok! That is so cool how you just leaned back during a terribly intense time emotionally I am sure…being so shaken up and look…..3 hotties come out of nowhere to assist a beautiful damsel in distress! How cool is that?!

    Cookie…I am sorry that you are feeling so down and that it has taken me so long to get to this post. I can totally relate to what youa re saying as I am feeling the same way. I do love my fiance but am realizing…..oh so slowly but surely that I may not ever have the things that I REALLY want with him – marriage and a family of my own. If I stay with him then I could be setting myself up to never have those things but if I leave I have to start all over again that terrifies me. I have not dated that much – I have always been in relationships for long periods of time. I have always been afriad of dating because in the indusrty that I worked in for most of my life thus far men have wanted to be with me because I was in the entertainment industry and have worked with many well known artists…or because my name was on a kiosk as a headliner or I was ‘with the band’….. NOT for who I am. I have always been afraid that most men had/have the same motives even today so if I am not in a rekationship then I mind my own business and don’t even make eye contact with a man. I am getting more scared each day that if I do stay with Charles that I could miss out so I completely understand where you are. I send you a huge hug!

    Melissa….you are doing wonderfully. I agree with Daria and Hearbeat……let him row the boat and you enjoy the ride…be open and warm when he moves forward and FEEL the wonderful feelings along the way!! You go Goddess!!!

    I have really struggled with this exact thing…..enjoying the ride. I am so anxious about what is going to happen in the future tha I can’t enjoy the NOW. Even now since things have been so much better with Charles…I still have that feeling that the other shoe is going to drop that I can’t seem to let go and enjoy the NOW with him for fear that he will do something again to hurt me in some way. not a good feeling. I want to be able to let go and enjoy this ride but I also feel so much pressure about time and my age. I do want a family of my own and I don’t jhave alot of time left to have a child of my own..that scares me.

    You guys are all so amazing!

  24.  #24heartbeat on January 28, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    What an amazing bunch of women – I’ve loved this post and all the comments. I feel grateful.