Sex And Comfort

bad boy

bad boyThe Question:

“Rori, I felt great for following your advice (about moving toward sex by making out with my new man – it felt so good).

But now I feel deeply sad. The man I still live with (after a recent break-up) asked me if I’d been kissing the new man. I said yes. He looked devastated. I’m sinking into my pain and can’t stop crying. It feels like I’ve always loved this man more than he loves me. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe he just didn’t know how to show it.

New man loves me equally or more than I love him and he touches a depth in my feminine soul that I haven’t felt with the man I live with.

My pain lies in wanting to hang on to the man I live with. He has something about him that I love so much – a lightness and easy-going way that shines joy into my heart.

The new man has a heavier, darker personality. And he gets me. He reflects my shadow side.

The new man said he was going to call at my house today. The instant panic and urgency felt overwhelming – I had to stop it from happening. I had to stop the two men meeting. I did prevent it, and then I felt bad for controlling the situation.

My thoughts ran wild – I should have let new man come to the house, and encounter the man I live with. I felt so terrified of that happening, but I do trust the men to lead. Particularly the new man.

Oh Rori, I feel desperate to do the ‘right’ thing. But all I end up ‘doing’ is feeling! I’m like a jelly and can’t stop crying.

I like him asserting his masculine power. However, he has said that he would have me ‘on a short leash’ if I was his woman.

I want to somehow let him know that with a true, loving connection and commitment to the right man, I would not stray.

I’m afraid of finding out if he’s a controlling, scary man. Maybe he isn’t. But I fear that having sex with him might bring that on. Is that a reasonable fear?

He has acted like a gentleman so far.

Thank you, “Scared”

My Answer:

Dear “Scared” – There IS NO “right thing.”

Have sex when you feel comfortable, and let him know your FEARS about being and feeling controlled – instead of telling him what is or isn’t acceptable in your MIND.

Boundaries are not the thing here…your being OPEN and SPEAKING is where it’s at.

Things that would “serve” you right now might be:

  • Find a new place to live.
  • Circular Date MANY men, so you’re not in a situation that naturally occurs when there are two men in your life. (That’s why I say “Date at least three..” in the Diva Creed of Targeting Mr. Right.)
  • Find something in your life that brings you joy when you think of it, when you’re in the middle of it. Work, especially, is crucial. If that isn’t satisfying to you – re-imagine what you might feel happy “working” with…

 

Love, Rori

 

Posted in

44 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on April 25, 2016 at 8:46 am

    Desperation to do the right thing is what umped at me here.



  2.  #2Millie on April 25, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    I had a painful interaction with a guy I gave my number to online. This is the same on who sent me a few pictures before we met (we actually didn’t meet at all). Everything was great until he sent me those pictures. One of him shirtless, one completely nude but him covering his manhood, and another just a selfie. I did immediately say that I felt uncomfortable and could not send photos back. He did end up understanding. We moved on past that and he does seems like a very aware man, but he said that I was hard to read. Which makes me pull away. He was texting a lot, but I couldn’t respond most of the time because I don’t like texting at work, so I just responded when I was free. He got really frustrated and said that he’d reached his limit with me. That I refuse to open up. That if the attraction was there that I would give more and this would be easier. The thing is, I wasn’t really “thinking” about him or anything. I was just going about my business, my life, and I wasn’t “avoiding” him at all. I responded OK if that’s what he wanted. Later on, I felt bad, because on some levels he seems pretty great, so I asked if he’d want to be friends. He had already deleted my number and said it was worth deleting as I hadn’t expressed any interest. (I was responding–isn’t that interest enough before you meet someone?) He said continuing to chase me would be pathetic. Then agreed to be friends and said he thought I didn’t care at all, but is glad to know I do. He called a few times over the course of the next few days and I didn’t answer. I was busy, and YES there is a part of me that is scared of his sexuality and scared of him being middle eastern, and scared of that little mustache he had under this nose that reminded me of hitler. Finally, last night he texted again saying he was tired of me, that I am really frustrating, that I am cold like a reptile, unfeeling, uncaring, and that nothing I have said has been from my heart. He asked if I was attracted to him and I said “I don’t know” because we haven’t met and you can only know chemistry in person. He didn’t like that answer and said I wasn’t being direct. He doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I just felt hurt because he accused me of being cold and then asked me about my past, like if I had an abusive father to make me this way… I feel pretty clueless. I guess I felt scared so I had walls up. I don’t know, I just don’t like having experiences like this.



  3.  #3Femininewoman on April 25, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    Millie you sound a little judgemental.
    He definitely sound judgemental.
    I think you feel attacked



  4.  #4Indigo on April 25, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    Millie,

    As I sit here I can barely believe that you are allowing a man whom you have never met to get to you like this.

    There are two words which come up for me.
    “Imaginary”
    “Insecure” (him)

    Please don’t pay this another thought. This guy has issues. Don’t be hurt, don’t second guess yourself. Just say cheers. You don’t owe a man whom you have never met one damn thing – you don’t owe him a reply, you don’t owe him any pictures and you sure as heck don’t owe him to open up to him.



  5.  #5Liquid Light on April 25, 2016 at 1:56 pm

    Millie

    I agree with Indigo, this guy is not worth another moment of your time. He definitely has issues – huge red flags were coming up for me when I read your post. I would consider it a blessing that it hasn’t worked out to meet him and I would just move on.



  6.  #6Azure Blu on April 25, 2016 at 2:12 pm

    Millie, darling, lovely Siren!
    I totally AGREE with Indigo #4

    Letting this kind of man interact with your precious, lovely heart is NO WAY for YOU
    to treat YOU!!!
    YOU!!!
    You are choosing to let this kind of CREEP,
    and he is a CREEP
    have access to your feelings, your heart…
    your phone…
    NOT FAIR TO YOU!!!
    This is where you get to practice SELF LOVE.
    BY standing up for yourself…
    BLOCKING HIM from YOUR LIFE…
    and LAUGHING…
    He is Simply LAUGHABLE and Disgusting!!!

    This type of interaction is what gets
    YOU turned off to online dating…
    Laugh it off…
    you didn’t meet…
    he is simply doing what he thinks he can get away with
    and You DIDNT let it happen!!
    YAY YOU!!!

    You have Wonderful (visualizing meeting Your man) Plans…
    YOUR Loving plans of meeting and interacting with NICE men that ARE available!!!
    We ALLLLL have come across this kind of guy…
    YOu are learning to let them go quickly…
    THIS IS YOur free therapy…
    You go girl!
    oxoxo



  7.  #7Azure Blu on April 25, 2016 at 2:31 pm

    Ahhhh… Happy, Happy Spring!
    Spirit texted me several times today (we spent all weekend together… having fun… sharing feelings…
    being VERY emotionally intimate and
    staying close…
    LOVELY!!!

    Today he called and shared with me that
    he had run into one of our friends at a restaurant
    and she asked if he was still dating me…
    He said: “yes, we are still seeing each other and actually, we are quite close now!!!”

    Ahhhh… I feel so happy to hear him talk about our relationship with his friends in this way!!!

    On thursday he introduced me as his girlfriend!!!

    This is ALLL very exciting…
    I am accepting HIS pace… HIS TIMING of opening his heart to ME….
    Receiving his LOVE… as he Lets me into his heart and life…
    in his gentle, loving way!!!

    I understand what Rori and Dominique and the coaches say
    About… relax and just BE in the moment…
    Appreciate what the man IS GIVING

    Is THIS enough for ME?
    CAN *I* ACCEPT him just like he is …. TODAY
    IF he NEVER changed?

    If NOT then let him go!

    Man bashing does NOT work well for us women…

    I am learning more and more
    that MEN are VERY sensitive…
    Just like Rori says…
    They CRAVE a SAFE place
    where they can let down their guard
    and be themselves…
    Just like we do…
    Unless we have built an exciting, good life
    and LOVE ourselves…
    We become too needy and pushy
    and
    the Sanctuary we both CRAVE
    can’t be found…



  8.  #8Azure Blu on April 25, 2016 at 2:43 pm

    Not to say that I haven’t let him know my wishes
    of
    Him acknowledging me to others!!!!

    I had told him on Sunday…
    that I didn’t understand why his family didn’t know
    much about ME
    when My family has known about him for at least
    a year!!
    He just shook his head…
    and I let it go….
    YAY Me!!! I have gotten sooo much better at letting these things go!!

    He listens!!! So often we women don;t think our men are listening…
    But… now that I look at this…
    I see that…his telling me he let our friend know
    that he and I are Very serious about each other…
    was his way of showing me…
    I hear you AZURE, I hear you, I want to make you happy
    and soooo… I am making sure that our friends know
    That I am VERY serious about YOU and ME!!!
    Ahhh… I feel VERY loved!!!
    Sooo firecracker, explosion Happy!!!



  9.  #9Millie on April 25, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    I guess on some level I think he is right about me… and that scares me. Maybe I am cold and unfeeling. Maybe I was playing games because I wasn’t sure I was into it. Maybe I was going back and forth between protecting myself and opening up. I ignored his calls. That upset him. I couldn’t answer some of his questions, I pulled away. I don’t think he’s making all of this up. I think he is very perceptive and calling me out on my own *sh*t*. And in a way he’s right, if I felt the attraction, I wouldn’t be acting the way I had been. It’s a lesson. And yes, makes me want to pull away from dating.

    On the other hand, I feel love for someone else. It isn’t M anymore. It’s T. I love him. I accept him for who he is, good and bad, where he is at today, how things are today, the “relationship” as it is today. I want to spend all my free time with him. Even in a non-romantic way. Sitting across the dinner table the other evening, this place he chose, he planned, (we split it), but looking into his eyes, talking about the future. My body felt on fire and I don’t know what’s going to happen, maybe nothing will. Maybe he doesn’t feel what I feel. But how I feel….I don’t even dare say it. I could see us together, but that “together” would be further down the road. It feels exciting to think about..down the road, what it could lead to. It also feels good to love someone in front of you today, as they are. To not “want” anything more from them today, to be happy with them today. I love it all.



  10.  #10Emerson on April 25, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    Azure so glad to hear the happy place you’re in with Spirit! It feels inspiring.

    Millie I agree with what a couple of other sirens said to not let a man you’ve never met affect you so much….and how can he possibly know anything about you if he has never met you? If you feel uncomfortable with the photos you don’t have to justify to anyone, just follow your instincts and move on from him. Don’t engage.

    Sirens I have two CDs right now YoungCD and EvergreenCD. YoungCD is obviously younger than me, I mentioned him before. I really like him, he’s 13 years younger, as I verified his age the other day. 🙂 ha!

    Evergreen is very very nice, he is my age, but I don’t feel that spark with him yet. Both live a little ways away from me, but not impossible to visit.

    Both quality men, both I feel curious how things will pan out.

    The siren tools have really helped me not to read into things or jump the gun in assuming things, especially with youngCD. He’s very sweet and hot, I could definitely fall for him.
    Also the tools have helped me not feel guilty for talking to both men, and possibly more. I’ve also been CDing my male friends. Yay Emerson!



  11.  #11Femininewoman on April 25, 2016 at 6:47 pm

    Millie I am so glad you see it that way. It is great when you can take responsibility for what you create in your life. Seeing it as learning is the greatest choice you could make. Pull away from him because you don’t like how you feel when thinking about the experience. Don’t pull away from dating. You didn’t have to meet him to figure it out. You man picker is readjusting and you don’t go from bad immediately to perfect. You jerk back and forth a bit until you steady yourself. It’s all in the for learning. Don’t bash him, he’s right someone else. Just not you.



  12.  #12Millie on April 25, 2016 at 9:56 pm

    FeminineWoman– thank you for saying that.

    However, I did decide to meet him. He called me and we talked on the phone and we both said that we sounded like different people than who we had built in our minds that we were texting. We met for soup and I actually felt attracted to him!! I didn’t think I would, but I did. I don’t think he is a good match for me though. This may be judgmental, but I want a man with a solid job, and he doesn’t have that. He seems like a free spirit which is attractive, but also immature and all over the place. Sitting in front of him I felt like a delicate flower, pretty and chaste, virtuous and feminine, a prize to be protected, a new feeling for me, but I liked it. I felt very elevated, perhaps that’s why he had thought me cold. He asked to see me again, so we’ll see.



  13.  #13Indigo on April 26, 2016 at 2:59 am

    Azure Blu 8 & 9,

    Love it!!



  14.  #14Azure Blu on April 26, 2016 at 4:33 am

    Emerson #10
    Wow… you sound like a *super* Siren!!!

    CDing 2 men… thinking about accepting another!!
    I love what you said;
    “Both quality men, both I feel curious how things will pan out.”
    What an excellent place for you to be “I FEEL CURIOUS” about these 2 men!!! Yay you!!!

    I have found dating more than one man… while getting to know them – until they proove themselves able to be a boyfriend etc.
    Keeps my vibe light and focused on *ME*!!
    AND they are all such GREAT practice!!

    Thank you for being happy for me!! oxoxo



  15.  #15Azure Blu on April 26, 2016 at 4:35 am

    (((Indigo))) #13
    Thank you!!



  16.  #16Azure Blu on April 26, 2016 at 4:40 am

    (((Millie))) #12
    You sound AMAZING!!!
    I feel sooo inspired by the way you are thinking and feeling these days!!
    NOT what HE is thinking about YOU…
    BUT what YOU are feeling when You are with HIM!!!
    using the Rori Tools!!!

    LOVE LOVE THIS….
    =”Sitting in front of him I felt like a delicate flower,
    pretty and chaste, virtuous and feminine,
    a prize to be protected,
    a new feeling for me, but I liked it.
    I felt very elevated,
    perhaps that’s why he had thought me cold.
    He asked to see me again, so we’ll see.=”

    Ahhh “ELIVATED” I like that A LOT!!!



  17.  #17Millie on April 26, 2016 at 7:11 am

    Thank you Azure!

    I think I’ve approached the age where men begin to think “she’s single, what’s wrong with her?” And they wonder why I have walls up…



  18.  #18Grace on April 26, 2016 at 9:03 am

    Hello sirens! It’s Be Loved, with a new name. 😀

    I feel like sharing, that I decided to have sex with a CD and broke my 7-year abstinent streak. Over 7 years ago, I realized the sex I was participating in felt awful, I would dissociate, have sex to just shut my ex UP, in some weird twisted way I would have sex with him and dissociate and withhold myself as a way of “punishing him” (because…that makes total sense, right?) and it was painful down to the core of my soul.

    I decided I would wait 90 days, and give myself a new “imprint” of what sex would be like, that I wanted something lighter and easier and fun and that felt more loving and sweet and connected and right. I feel grateful I had no idea that would turn into years! I had so much inner work to do, I had no idea!

    So, with MirrorCD (who does seem to be a perfect mirror and I’m learning so much about myself through my interactions with him), we managed to co-create a fun and happy experience.
    What felt really fun, was noticing how, when it started to get prickly, probably nerves on both ends, HE took a cue from past interactions and told ME, “Hey, this is getting difficult, I want this to feel easy and fun like when we first met!”

    I said, “Ok, let me take a pause and feel into a softer space.” While I was pausing, he figured everything out and it was all ease from there. I feel really proud of that!

    So, overall, it was a lot of FUN and laughter and smiles. What really struck me, is how, after, he could not take his eyes off of mine and he had the BIGGEST smile on his face that was unrelenting, nonstop for the rest of our time together. Ok so I know this should be a no-brainer but honestly that was a first for me. Really? This guy is just looking at me like he can’t get enough of me and everything he sees is making him light up like a Christmas tree and it isn’t going away?

    I felt amazed…and commented, You’re still smiling at me…??!! He just got even happier and smiled impossibly bigger and said, “Well, YEAH…”.
    OMG

    I felt like…wow, I can really really trust myself and trust my heart. I chose to have sex with him with no expectations, no conditions of exclusivity or commitment or anything. I felt like I made such a good choice for myself. The experience was nearly ideal, nearly exactly what I had been “feeling” my way into for a long time. I experience a lot of pain with sex, and places that had been sticky before in working around it, was all easy and fun and, like I said, full of smiles and laughter.

    After this experience, I felt SO empowered and sexy and clear in a lot of ways. I realized, this works both ways and can work for me. There is no reason for ME to be exclusive, I can sleep with whomever I choose for fun and with no commitment. I proved to myself that I could handle myself responsibly and with no expectations. I know there are a lot of warnings about women trying to have sex like a man, and, I will continue to trust myself and follow my feelings, it’s working out so well. I mentioned before that by focusing on peace I am creating more peace, and I’m discovering the same is true for trust. The more I focus on trust, the more trust I create. I could feel MirrorCD’s trust in me and it felt so precious.

    happythankyoumoreplease 😀



  19.  #19Femininewoman on April 26, 2016 at 9:27 am

    Wow Grace!! Congrats 🙂



  20.  #20Azure Blu on April 26, 2016 at 10:02 am

    Grace #18
    Mmmmmm… this lovely melody… which is your Siren song…
    Thank you for sharing!!

    I too have gone 7 yrs. in abstinence (my choice)
    and, like you, I was searching for me.
    The wonderful trust and openhearted fun you experienced by unzippering YOUR heart…
    A Safe place from your focus on Trust!!!
    LOVELY…
    oxoxox



  21.  #21Azure Blu on April 26, 2016 at 10:05 am

    Grace #17
    Zing… Zang… POW!!
    Sunshiny… Happy… firepoppers!
    Congratulations!!

    I remember the first time I had s*x after 7 years…
    I felt Like a virgin… BUT like riding a bicycle…
    it all came back quickly!! :-))



  22.  #22Liquid Light on April 26, 2016 at 10:48 am

    Wow, Grace 18, sounds fantastic. Congratulations! You waited for the perfect moment with the perfect man, you trusted your instincts and you were spot on! Love it!



  23.  #23Mandy on April 26, 2016 at 11:08 am

    This happened to me, I stopped seeing J and started seeing Valentine very close together and J still lived with me. It was very very nerve racking but also EXCITING. I didn’t ever have to tell J about Valentine but I WAS anxious about J finding out!

    Did I tell you all that Valentine came back? He saw me at an event and made a very strong point to come up to me and tell me he wasn’t about to ignore me all night, and he knows me so he knew I’d be cordial in public, and I guess it softened me up, because we made up after he explained something… Apparently what had happened is he had a female friend who husband died and he came to help her. Of course you all would probably STILL get why that would upset me, when he hadn’t seen me for weeks and weeks and then he goes out of town to see some chick, lol. But he explained it and I just was…over it, so it’s water under the bridge.

    So…a little physical stuff happened between us, but like J, I’m not putting any expectations on him because that obviously doesn’t work with him, lol.

    Jeez, he came back quick and strong. Apologies…do that…with me…sometimes. I suppose it might be authenticity and vulnerability. But ya, it’s happened before, I’ve had ex’s come back and ask for a relationship again because of it and even had premonition dreams before it happened, it’s interesting I wasn’t expecting that. But, it was nice of him to apologize and to be comfortable and nice enough to explain things and apologize and make up with me.

    I’m kinda over him though. That’s the thing, lol.



  24.  #24Grace on April 26, 2016 at 11:23 am

    <3 <3 <3
    Thank you thank you Azure and Liquid Light!
    It is the most "mutual" sex I've experienced so far.

    Liquid Light – omg yes! When I first met him I remember saying, "I trust my instincts", which made him smile. Thank you for the positive reflection, yes! Spot on is right! There were definitely imperfections, and, I'm choosing to focus on staying on my horse, and sink into appreciation our imperfectly perfect co-creation and feeling pleased with myself overall for how DIFFERENT this experience has been for me.

    Now, back on my horse! My boy needs to get to work on handling other life stuff 🙂



  25.  #25Grace on April 26, 2016 at 11:26 am

    I feel a new mantra, drumming and resonating from deep in my belly, behind my navel.
    I can trust love.
    I can trust love.
    I can trust. Love.



  26.  #26Indigo on April 26, 2016 at 11:57 am

    Mandy,

    Of course they always come back, you’re an unforgettable siren 🙂

    I too had an experience with a guy who came back recently, Bush Boy whom I hadn’t heard from in 4 months sent me an email out of the blue. And I also felt rather over it.



  27.  #27Lovergirl on April 26, 2016 at 5:59 pm

    Millie-

    I feel very uncomfortable with the attitude the man was showing you. I would not want to engage with him further. I don’t open up to guys I have never met and it seems like way too much for him to expect that! It feels very intrusive.



  28.  #28Lovergirl on April 26, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    I feel sort of overwhelmed with life lately and haven’t been on here much. I just don’t know if I want a man in my life in any kind of serious way. It feels like too much work.

    Right now I am focused on trying to find a house for my children and I. There is a house in my neighborhood that I am in love with and would love to buy, but many obstacles are standing in the way. It seems like it would be so wonderful though. Really hoping it works out anyway.

    In other news, my mother was arrested, for stealing….again. This time she is very fearful that she could end up in jail. I’m so frustrated yet I also feel sorry for her. I hate being almost 40 and feeling like I still have to parent my mother. Ugh.



  29.  #29BeLoved on April 26, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    I feel like crying a little. I cannot and don’t want to get that big, juicy smile out of my mind.
    It really does make me wonder exactly how men have been looking at me during and around sex in the past…
    I hope meditating on that smile isn’t leaning forward, haha. I remember that men ‘don’t exist’ if they aren’t in front of us, yet I want to anchor that feeling, ground it into my whole being, of having a man just smile at me like he’s seeing the best thing he’s ever seen in his life and the joy of it just goes on and on and on. It was just so f*cking genuine, real, just…so wow, and so much eye contact with that biga$$ smile.

    I feel like…pinch me, is this real? Is this even possible? That this man I like so much likes me so much??? He feels so unfamiliar, too. The way he moves, the things he says to me, all so unfamiliar and surprising and I feel like I can really relax into him and trust. I kind of almost don’t want to see him again because I don’t want to spoil the memory of how great it felt, haha, in case it gets weird.

    And…I realized today what a total blessing it was to be evicted from my old place. I went by to visit my former roommates, and wow. The place is full of junk. The new landlord has zero sense of style, and has brought in mountains of ratty old furniture and has placed odd things in odd places, making the place feel totally cluttered and ratty. Which would have driven me batsh!t nuts if I were still living there. I loved how beautiful the house was, and I loved TG’s aesthetic, being an artist he had very good taste and style and a great sense of placement. The house seems like a completely different house now. I like where I am so much I can’t imagine even living in the old place anymore. So, kudos and appreciation to me for not letting the pain in my heart over feeling betrayed, poison me. Love to me for leaving with softness and a hug and a trust in life to take care of me.



  30.  #30Grace on April 26, 2016 at 8:20 pm

    Changing my name on a new computer…



  31.  #31Millie on April 26, 2016 at 8:43 pm

    Lovergirl!!!! I feel so happy to “see” you!!
    A new house sounds really exciting! I hope it works out for you xo



  32.  #32Millie on April 26, 2016 at 8:53 pm

    Wow I feel so amazed at all the women who have been abstinent for many years! I am in awe! I feel like I am on that same road. Taking time away from what I’ve been doing that hasn’t been working, hibernating myself, and allowing my inner butterfly to bloom from its cocoon. When it flies, it will be truly beautiful, graceful, and delicate. I wonder if that is my inner essence? I have been trying to put a feeling, an animal, a color, something to actualize my essence. If I had to describe myself it would be this: I am deeply sensitive, I feel my emotions greatly yet often have no words to express them. I can be silly, goofy, sarcastic, and gullible. I have a sweetness to me, and also a sass. I am the worst liar, honesty is my footing, my foundation, my fall back. I value my relationships and will go to the ends of the earth to help those I love. I internalize my pain and inflict it upon myself. I am serious, driven, and my personal value is linked to my work and performance. I work hard and always strive to be better. I am quiet and shy at first, but open up after you get to know me. My heart is sweet and true, but it is also fragile. If I were a flower, I would be a calla lily. Smooth and white on the outside, with all it’s beautiful pollen cupped inside, an elegant stamen reaches out of it’s white petals, hoping a bee will land on it. Maybe my essence is that flower.



  33.  #33LoveToMe on April 26, 2016 at 10:10 pm

    Millie – I haven’t read all the follow-up yet, but seriously, don’t second-guess yourself over this guy! He can’t be “right about you” – he doesn’t know you!!! He is/was expressing his own fears and prejudices. You may be taking his words and trying to give them a place inside you. They don’t belong there. This guy sounds like he has many many issues, and the painful feelings you are having about him confirm that he would be terrible to spend time around. You don’t need to meet him. You don’t need closure. Wow. I was just reading all the things he wrote to you, and thought, “this guy is nuts!”

    And I suppose I can take some of this perspective and apply it to my own life. I really want to be compassionate toward my old friend. I want to be understanding and give him the benefit of the doubt. I always have. But like I observed to you, the bad feelings indicate just what a bad and scary man your guy was. And in the same vein, I had similar bad feelings about my “friend,” and wanted to excuse him or take the blame, or find ways to make him “right” about me, or all of the above. But that feels wrong.

    What feels right is using this opportunity to work on myself, to focus on giving myself all the love I need, and thinking about what it is I really want, in love, and in my life. It’s a good time for me – even though the feelings and the experience that got me here were pretty yucky-feeling.



  34.  #34Indigo on April 26, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    Lovergirl,

    It’s lovely to see you on here again! 🙂



  35.  #35Indigo on April 26, 2016 at 11:16 pm

    I am about to head out to breakfast with J.
    We spent the entire weekend together – from Friday night all the way through to Sunday night, every moment in each other’s company, and we adored it. We had to tear ourselves away. He phoned me almost as soon as I got home to check that I had got home safe (even though I live 5 minutes away), and last night he texted me to say he missed me, and could he take me out to breakfast this morning and we could see where the wind took us from there (it is a public holiday today here in South Africa).

    The peace and love I feel is how I know I have come home to my truest self. It is not only possible but inevitable when you eliminate fear and align with the peace and love that is inside you.

    I am so blissfully happy with this wonderful man, who again asked me the other day if I would come overseas with him.



  36.  #36Femininewoman on April 27, 2016 at 6:14 am

    ‘Here’s an act of kindness for yourself: believe in your goals and dreams. You came to this life for a reason.’



  37.  #37Femininewoman on April 27, 2016 at 6:21 am

    Love is an energy which exists of itself. It is its own value.

    — Thornton Wilder



  38.  #38Azure Blu on April 27, 2016 at 9:09 am

    LoverGirl…
    Sooo great to hear your Siren song this morning!!

    I’m wishing you LOADS of success on getting that house!

    As for concentrating on job and kids…
    I too went through that as my children got older and needed more of ME… even though they were starting to make their own way in the world… they needed so much of my energy… it took up sooo much of my time (I loved every minute) that there really wasn’t room for dating… I let it go for many years…
    and I only had 2 children! :-))
    You;re doing such a GREAT job!



  39.  #39Azure Blu on April 27, 2016 at 9:28 am

    Indigo #35
    Mmmmm… I feel soooo, so happy for YOU!!
    All sounds so FAbulicious!!
    Congrats – Girl!!!
    oxoxo



  40.  #40Azure Blu on April 27, 2016 at 9:32 am

    Millie #32
    Ahhh… lovely calla lily… this all sounds
    sooo deep and delicious!!
    oxoxo



  41.  #41Liquid Light on April 28, 2016 at 12:33 pm

    Sadly I’m feeling like the attraction with my new CD K isn’t really there for me. He’s just too feminine. It makes me really sad though because I really enjoyed spending time with him. I loved our conversations and the fun things we did together. I’m going to miss him… 🙁



  42.  #42LoveToMe on April 28, 2016 at 8:14 pm

    Grace – I am going to miss your old name (BeLoved). But I’m already liking your new name also. And you go along with it. It’s always your comments I enjoy



  43.  #43Mandy on May 1, 2016 at 6:11 pm

    Indigo…funny, ain’t it? We all want what we have anxiety over possibly not having 🙂



  44.  #44Grace on May 1, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    LoveToMe – aww, thank you! It feels good to hear that! I’m liking it, too. It reminds me to relax and take a breath. 😀