Sex, Chemistry And Separating Men

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Answering two questions in comments on the blog:

Two things jumped out at me – sex and divorcing/separating men.

I’ll start with Sex and Chemistry (and this is a ramble, not a well-put-together article):

Sex is crucial – chemistry is buildable.

Chemistry can be built through sex. Yes it can!

Have you ever dated a man you weren’t initially attracted to, and then, somehow, you got used to him, and he did some really great things and touched you well, and all of a sudden you were physically attached to him?

Well – let’s use that ability for GOOD!

A man can be trained to elicit passion and chemistry from you – IF he’s capable of that!

SO – for me, the question is NOT, do I have “chemistry with a man from the get-go” – (for me, this is simply scientific).

“Chemistry” – that instant attraction – It’s about emotional, chemical cues we get from other people that are familiar/not-familiar to us because of our parents, and social proof of TV and media.

AND – our OWN chemistry is changeable!!!

If you change what you eat, drink, smoke, ingest, put on your skin – YOUR chemistry CHANGES!!!!

If you eat garlic – you taste like garlic.

Not just your breath, it comes out your pores when you sweat, and your vagina tastes like garlic.

AND – that’s not to say it’s “not good” – it might taste great on you!

And we cover up our natural chemistry with perfume, hair products, and all the things we eat, and thus can easily REDUCE the pool of men out there who might be chemically attracted to us – just the same as a man who may feel “metallic” to you in an unpleasant way because of fillings in his teeth.

I’m fairly fanatic about asking my clients to quit smoking – even a little bit of smoking. Forgetting every other reason to quit – it changes your chemistry. It changes the way you smell and taste.

It will endear you to specific men who like that “smoky” smell and taste – and yet, think about it – it REDUCES your pool of men to JUST those men who like it.

Doesn’t that seem a little like fighting the current? Like deliberately reducing your options for love?

For me, it’s just another example of how our subconscious has its own agenda, it’s own ideas of what we should have, be, get – regardless of what we consciously SAY we want.

So, if you come to me and say you’re only meeting “jerks” and men who can’t commit, and you’re smoking, I’d say – well, perhaps only jerks and men who can’t commit to you are attracted to you as “smoky.”

Perhaps there is another you under that layer – your genuine chemistry – and until you peel back the extra layers you’re putting on your body, the man who’d adore the “real” you (and it’s only common sense to see that there will be a hugely bigger pool of those men to choose from once you’re more “neutral” chemically)  can’t even find you!

He can’t sense you…

And – if you’re thinking this might pertain to “weight” – for me, that’s just another “layer,” and a much less impactful one than we think.

In fact, the stress of our subconscious trying to “improve” ourselves gives off toxins and smells and chemistry! Have you ever literally “smelled stress” on someone?

So, “flesh” is it’s own chemistry – and, though the pool of men and options might be more specific on the points of any scale: height, weight, hair and eye color, skin tone, voice…what we do to “change” ourselves can alter that pool even more!

For me – men need to experience that initial chemistry in order to begin to build real chemistry.

AND – I believe that we women DON’T need to experience that initial chemistry!

I also believe that all the stories you hear about women meeting their forever men on “bad hair days,” and “just coming from a workout with my hair all wet and sweaty and me smelling like a gym rat” tells the truth.

When you’re neutral, or even sweaty, you smell like you. You give off your own, unique pheromones, and men who are attracted to that will zero in on you fast.

When you’re covered in perfume and spicy food and smoke – it takes him awhile (and likely not until he’s had sex with you) to sense the chemistry. This basically spends your time, and causes you to invest yourself way too quickly and for too long – and often makes you feel icky.

Reading this ramble takes me more and more places, looking for more and more answers.

For me – there are two factors here:

1.The right man will find you, without any effort on your part.

And…

2. It’s your job to clear your aura, your space, your vibe to its most “you” frequency – so that your Mr. Right can pick up your unique “chemistry” sense you in the crowd of the world.

It’s also clear that these two seem, on the surface, to conflict.

How about this view:

You prepare for Mr. Right to show up, which is the only “action” you do.

You take care of YOU, you step INTO you.

You clear as much out of Mr. Right’s path to you as you can, easily, gracefully, effortlessly, by following your interests and desires, and allowing your organic self to be present with as few distracting layers on top as possible.

You let every man who wants to get to you to get to you.

You choose between loyal, ardent, committment-seeking suitors who prove themselves to you over and over again over time.

Love, Rori

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewo on April 27, 2017 at 9:28 am

    “You choose between loyal, ardent, committment-seeking suitors who prove themselves to you over and over again over time.”

    Great advice as usual. Just that most of us are not comfortable around people in our sweaty skins.



  2.  #2Femininewoman on April 27, 2017 at 9:29 am

    You choose between loyal, ardent, committment-seeking suitors who prove themselves to you over and over again over time.”

    Great advice as usual. Just that most of us are not comfortable around people in our sweaty skins.



  3.  #3mary on April 28, 2017 at 6:52 am

    Yes! I’ve had so many men come on to me when I was most unprepared… after a long day of traveling, in a shuttle at the airport (not feeling feisty) and on bad hair days and days when I was not dressed to impress. Also after an evening of dancing…

    Rori, your view makes it so fun to relax into feminine…



  4.  #4Daria on April 28, 2017 at 12:29 pm

    Rori – what about when you meet a seemingly great guy – handsome, cool – and you’re not physically attracted to him when he’s kissing or touching you? And you allow him to kiss you and touch you in ways that don’t feel icky, it does not feel like a turn on in any way though. Like you could kiss him or not, in fact rather not … on kissing OR on touching.

    This has happened to me a lot. Does this kind of thing change, or is this just where we say it doesn’t feel like a good fit?



  5.  #5Angela on April 28, 2017 at 5:00 pm

    “It’s your job to clear your aura, your space, your vibe to its most “you” frequency – so that your Mr. Right can pick up your unique “chemistry” sense you in the crowd of the world.”

    Oh Rori, this article was lovely.
    Yes, I experienced this not long ago. I walk into a Starbucks, after taking my dog on a walk. I have no makeup, hair undone, a sweatshirt and tights and surprisingly a lot of men are looking my way, with flirty looks.
    I think I don’t look great without makeup on , mind you, I only wear light foundation and mascara, but I guess men don’t think the way I think.

    I also love when you write this, “And – if you’re thinking this might pertain to “weight” – for me, that’s just another “layer,” and a much less impactful one than we think.
    In fact, the stress of our subconscious trying to “improve” ourselves gives off toxins and smells and chemistry! Have you ever literally “smelled stress” on someone?”

    I love this because I know that how I feel about myself, how i talk to myself makes me act a certain way, and that of course has an influence on how people see me.
    I truly believe other pick up on our vibe, and those vibes might at times repel them, especially when we are being hateful towards ourselves.
    I don’t want to be stressed trying to improve myself.

    The weight part, that you talk about… I am not in my ideal weight and I feel, yes, I feel this to be true for me, not all men go for the chubbier me. Sometimes it makes me feel down.
    I wish weight loss was easier for me, but as you know, and have written about, weight is connected to our emotional side too.
    I am an emotional eater/ compulsive eater. I wish it was easier to not be this way, so that I could let my true self shine. Meanwhile, I guess I will step into being more of my true self.



  6.  #6Rori Raye on April 28, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    Angela – right now – exactly how you are is “you” – and I can tell you (as you’ve surely seen time and time again out there…) That women with an extra layer of flesh quite often get really really really great men…these are often men who just love the “curves” – and often have higher interest in the sensual – and, too, may have their own layers. And then you get to work those out together! Love, Rori