Sex Is Not A Strategy

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So many of us were trained our whole lives to think of sex as a commodity.

As some kind of trade with a man for commitment and relationship.

We all need to remember that marriage has not always been about love and relationship.

What it’s always been, historically, is a form of barter.

Women had dowries to give to men – money, and possessions in order to secure a marriage.

Because, not so long ago (and this still exists in different forms all over the world) only men could own things.

Only men could own property, and in order to provide for your daughter, so that everybody could feel OK that she would be taken care of – and also make enough money for the family to survive – women have literally been bought and sold.

This still exists in so many places around the world.

Arranged marriages are a different version of this, but the idea that sex is linked with marriage was always meant to be a selling point to men of marriage!

That’s why women are, in many thought circles, supposed to hold off on sex until marriage.

There are many reasons for this “thought” and often a “rule”, and it’s always promoted as a “good”.

Called “the sanctity” of marriage.

Meant to keep men, who are said to ONLY have “sex” on their minds when thinking of or seeing a woman, in line”.

Meant to protect women from predatory men.

Yet – it doesn’t really work that way for so many women.

This means that so many good men, who, in my opinion “smartly” want to experience the sexual connection with a potential wife before committing to marriage are pushed away.

This means that women enter into marriage without any experience of the sexual connection with a man – and often way too fast.

This happens not just because we strive to “keep men in line” –  but because sex is a commodity.

And because we women have Never, Ever been taught how to properly protect ourselves from predators, express our true power, and make sure that we are regarded in the world as autonomous people.

There’s also this conveyed to women:

The actual thought is “no man would want to marry you except for sex”.

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In many ways, yes, the “fear” of doing the ‘wrong thing’ around sex works for the safety of women.

In places where respect for women’s virginity and wholeness  is only safe if the entire society agrees that that is the case is basically talking about violence of men.

It is saying that in order to protect women against men, the entire concept of sex must be aligned with marriage, which would have rules about women’s safety.

The only problem is, what it actually is, is women’s slavery. Women’s entrapment.

That in order to be safe, women agree to be subjugated.

This may not be happening in some modern societies. But it is happening in many places around the world.

And I know that I grew up with that inner life trajectory – that I had to be “nice” and “good” and “follow along” and “respect everyone else’s opinions and decisions for me” in order to be “safe”.

So it is our decision as a world, and yours as a woman whether this is the way you want to consider yourself safe. Or if there are other ways.

The “me too” experiences of so many women (myself included, when I was a working actress) began an example not just of the depravity of bad men, and the stupidity and unawareness of so many good men, but of the ease with which so many of us women, who feel empowered in so many other areas of life (or so we think) have agreed to sexual situations with men when we didn’t really want to – we just didn’t know how to say no, and we also didn’t want to even the think of the repurcussions and stripping of power it might cost us.

We just “went along”.

Is life always going to be a battle between men and women?

It is so difficult to enter into a sexual relationship with anyone without feeling an emotional connection.

And even if you don’t feel an emotional connection beyond friendship, or “thanks for the fun”, the other person may feel differently.

Is so much easier to contract this with the contract of marriage rather than deal with the complexity of love, emotional feelings, and sexuality.

The biggest problem for us women is that even after marriage, assuming that this makes us feel safe, which it most often does not, we are still nervous about sex.

We still see it as a commodity. We still see it as an expectation based on our contract.

We are put in the position of “delivery”.

In a good marriage, a good relationship based on partnership, this would not actually be an issue!

Because sex is not seen as a commodity between either you or your man.

But in dating, and then a great many marriages, sex is seen as a strategy and a commodity.

And it is often withheld.

And no longer is it only withheld by women, it is often withheld by men.

This is likely always been the case, but we’re seeing more and more of that now.

If we still think of sex is a commodity, then we’ll be thinking that we’re using sex in order to lure a man into a relationship.

And then, once that relationship is solidified, we’re still using sex in order to keep the connection going.

The moment we start thinking of sex as a commodity, a bartering point, an expectation, a strategy, we lose all  of our basic connection to our own Feminine Energy and our own needs, and our own autonomy as a person.

Sex is not a sport.

It is not a commodity. It is a sacred connection of bodies expressing the feeling of love and companionship and connection in a completely different way than talking or touching or any other way we have us communicating love, affection and connection.

Sex involves a linking of bodies.

It is an energetic experience.

Full out sex involves an internal linking of a man’s body with yours much the same as kissing.

(Though our mouths are considered much less sexual that our actual sexual parts.)

You can see how fraught this is with so many meanings that have nothing to do with our actual lives.

It has to do with society, fears, violence, and the overpowering insane experience we are having right now of rampant violence going completely unchecked.

It takes a lot for a woman to be adventurous, and emotionally strong enough to consider sex a part of her birthright.

She consider the enjoyment of sex, the pleasure of sex as an important element of having a good life on this planet.

Our brains are completely messed up.

And when we feel stressed about other things in our lives, which all of us feel, we tighten up and tense our bodies in a way that makes it very very very difficult to just let go and ‘experience’ a sexual experience.

We are more likely to have that experience in exercise or sport or just walking around.

But the addition of connecting with another human being brings up so many feelings of safety and incompleteness and security, and all feelings we feel about ourselves.

That’s why I believe sex is a healing that we can all participate in to help ourselves, and to help society as a whole.

Men are now so doing their best, if they are good men to be kind and gentle, that they often begin to lose their masculine sensibilities.

You know this, because you encounter so many Feminine Energy men!

Just as you, as a woman, have become afraid of receiving, and opening up, men are also afraid of unleashing their inner masculine energy, which feels very overpowering,  and actually a little ugly to them.

Their mothers and teachers and everything that brought them up, pretty much instilled in so many men that their sexual energy is dangerous, and ugly and something to be put aside.

If you were going to have a kind of fantastic, satisfying, relationship, and love life, you want, instead of  just being attracted to and looking for the bad boys- who are not so afraid of their sexual energy, but who have no ability to be a good partner for you – the skills and tools you need to help a good man open up his masculine energy are crucial for your own happiness.

So, instead of using sex as a strategy, and as a ploy, and as a barter, if you can, learn how to see it in the most, completely unleashed, open, incredibly powerful way, you can create the kind of relationship you want with a man!

This is not about giving him anything.

This is not about giving him better sex.

This is about you having the kind of amazing  Life experiences that you want.

This is about you having the depth of love and relationship and romance that you want.

This is about you feeling able to be attracted to and get involved with men who are not as superficially sexual as a man you may have been interested in the past, but who can create an incredibly high-level sexual relationship with you, as you go along.

The key is in allowing the sense of your power to be real.

It is about accepting, illuminating, letting run free, the incredible volcanic, deep power of your Feminine Energy sexuality to exist!

This ability to feel, and let loose this Feminine Energy sexuality, does not even require being actively sexual in order to exist! It’s just part of your energy field.

And most of us are pretty terrified of being in that space because it feels like a beacon to scary bad men.

I see it differently.

I see it as a signal of power , that you are able to channel in every direction you wish at any time, that allows you to interact and love, and being a great relationship with a man who is totally in love with your power rather than wanting to battle with it.

This is a big deal.

In the Sex To Romance masterclass, you’ll be taken into deep, big ways to “feel” through your decisions about sex, rather than live with preconceived opinions and rules that may have nothing to do with you.

And the road to what you Want, in all areas of your life, is composed of baby-steps.

So, within the big picture of this discovery of power, and ability to let it loose,  the Masterclass focuses on the baby steps you can “do” right now to begin.

You’ll have a new vision of how you want your sexual experiences to be in your life.

Here’s the link again, to access the Sex To Romance Masterclass ->

Love, Rori.

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