Justin/Fernando just left a great comment in which he said how men find “Warrior” women sexy. How men actually love being “called” on their “bs” because then they know that what a woman wants is who they really are and not who they might like to pretend to be.
So what exactly is a Warrior woman?
Does it mean that you are always on the warpath? Are you always looking for something to pounce on and correct? Are you out to change the world by changing every little thing you see around you? Are you out to improve everything you see — including your man?
Or are you a warrior for yourself?
And what would that look like?
Let’s say you’re with a man and in this very moment you feel totally torn and totally conflicted. Two sides of you are trying to gain control of your mind and your actions. Something is happening that does not feel good. It could be him asking you to do something or go somewhere that you just don’t feel like doing are going. Or it could be something he does — roll his eyes or dismiss you in words, or comment about another woman’s attractiveness right in front of you. Ick…
Part of you wants to smash him in the face. Wants to grab him by his jacket or his shirt and shake him and toss him until he behaves. Another part of you is terrified that if you even question for a moment what he’s done or asked for… you will be labeled as needy, complaining, insecure, a drama queen, and he will move away from you and maybe even leave you.
This is what I call walking on eggshells.
And you’d be surprised how many of us are caught in this loop. We either blurt out everything we want changed and stick to our guns and air our opinions and requests for change and then feel terrible and frightened and angrier afterward… or we sit on stuff, telling ourselves that we are poised, we are confident, we are together, we don’t have to get all upset about this “thing,” we have a sense of humor, we can talk about this reasonably.
And sometimes that voice is right! Sometimes what you’re all bent out of shape about is hardly worth even a moment of your brainpower.
Sometimes you’re just looking in the wrong place, hearing the wrong thing, focusing on the wrong part of what’s going on around you.
So what’s the Warrior in you to do? What exactly do you champion? How do you champion yourself here, when you don’t know which “yourself” to listen to?
So let’s go through some steps:
If you’re feeling unsettled, disturbed (I love that word and I love the state “disturbed” describes), and conflicted, just
1. Stop whatever you’re doing.
>> take a breath
>> go into the Rori Raye Dance Position
>> put your hand on an object and…
>> stomp on the floor.
You are caught between your emotions. And your emotions are caught between wanting to fight, wanting to flee, and wanting to freeze. And some of it is not under your control right now. Some of it is a reaction that’s coming from old patterns that are deeply ingrained in every cell of your body.
2. Start picking through your emotions.
First, you have to
>> Feel each one.
Start with the one that comes up first. If it’s an urge to hit and strike out and “fight” — go into that feeling. Really experience it — in your arms, in your hands. Experience if you feel your hands clenching into a fist, if you feel like reaching out to push and hurt, to DO something destructive. Really let yourself get into that. If you have to leave the room for a minute to do it — do it. EXPLORE each feeling as it passes through you..
If the next feeling feels like fear, or guilt, feel that. You can tell what it is you’re feeling most easily by going straight to your body for clues.
Look at your hands. Do they feel like going out to push something? That would be anger and an urge to fight. Or do they feel like pulling something towards you? Does it feel like they want to protect you? Protect your heart, protect your breasts, protect your breath?
Do your hands and arms feel like they want to block something? Does the rest of your body feel like it’s moving backwards — like it wants to go away, wants to run?
Notice if your shoulders are all crunched up near your ears. Does that feel more to you like fear, or anger, or love, or shame, or guilt?
Let your shoulders go, let your arms go and see if you can find the feeling now in your belly. See if it’s jumping or if it feels hard.
Start getting familiar with what your feelings feel like. You’ll start to notice a pattern — a physical pattern — that will help you clue into what it is you’re feeling. And as you experiment with feeling these different feelings that have different physical components, you’ll start to get more COMFORTABLE feeling these feelings.
3. Now – put on your Warrior clothes.
Make it up. Are you an angel with wings? A Greek Goddess in gown, or pants and boots with bows and arrows, or a superwoman superhero with space-age weapons? How do you wish to aim — very subtly and accurately, or do you wish to have the power to blow away whole universes with the press of a button on your gear?
4. Now… and here is the hardest part… what are you fighting for? Who are you fighting for? And on behalf of which emotion that you felt are you fighting for?
The easiest way to do this is to —
>> Pick a Value that is dear to your heart. Pick the first one that comes to your mind (if you don’t already have a Values List sit down and make one now)
Let’s just pick one for now — how about Peace? Or Authenticity? How about Honor? You could honor your “little girl self” — you could honor your Vulnerability — you could simply honor your own ability to feel.
***Important note: you are not to use the word “defend.” This is not about protection or defense. This is not about being a warrior who “goes to war.” A warrior who writes wrongs. A warrior who sets the record straight. These images are all MASCULINE images. These are fine for many things in your life when you’re going “Out the Window” and want to be an action Warrior for the world. (We’re all really good at this, and I’ll talk about it more in another post…)
A WOMAN as Warrior simply says NO. Being a FEMININE Warrior is all about being about No.
5. Get a big perspective on the situation you’re in at this very moment. (There are more Tools for “Zooming Out” and “Flying Up” in my Toxic Men and Modern Siren programs…)
This could look like: There are people standing around in this room. My man, or that man who just came up to talk to me just said or did something and now I’m feeling uneasy and disturbed, and I have many wonderful emotions around all this.
6. Now… you’re going to follow the procedure for any Rori Raye “speech.” It goes basically — I feel, I don’t want. If you want to actually negotiate something, it can go — I feel, I don’t want, what do you think.
7. So let’s put it all together.
>> Imagine yourself in your warrior clothes, armed with your NO, standing up for a value like Vulnerability, seeing everything that’s around you and being present with it all.
>> Put together your first sentence of “I feel” with the feeling you’re feeling right now (that you’ve already felt and gotten comfortable with feeling) and speak it simply.
>> Now put together your NO in the form of “I don’t want….”
This could look like: I feel icky, I don’t like this.
8. If he doesn’t snap-to and ask you what’s going on, take the time to start from step one again. All the same feelings are going to start flooding in on you. The first few times you try this is going to feel just like the first time — and then you get so used to it that it will get easy, I know it will. Be sure to keep your warrior clothes on.
Being a warrior for yourself is not about attacking. It’s not about doing damage. It’s not about blowing people and things in the universe away with your power.
It’s about owning your power. It’s about owning your warrior clothes and your warrior heart and your warrior weapons and knowing you can use them, and trusting yourself to use them wisely.
Being a warrior for yourself is holding the line. It’s standing your ground. Its boundaries with a big capital B. It just means you won’t be pushed backwards from that line. It just means you won’t be pushed over. It just means you won’t lay down on the ground at his feet and do what ever it takes to keep him.
It doesn’t even mean fighting or attacking the other voices in your own head that are confusing you and disturbing you. It’s owning all the other voices no matter how nasty they sound. It’s about being a warrior of yourself that’s in CHARGE of all of these voices. It’s knowing that all of these voices and everything about you is ONE. That you are all-of-a-piece. That you are one whole person. That you have facets just like a magnificent crystal and that the crystal of you is whole.
So being a warrior for yourself has nothing to do with what emotion you’re feeling! It is not an action arising out of any particular emotion.
You don’t need to go to war! Being a warrior for love or a warrior for peace will help you know, deep down, that everything you do and say in service to yourself, following these steps, will make you feel more complete, more interesting, more multifaceted, more whole. Stronger. I know that you are one gorgeous warrior woman. Rock on.
I’d love to see some drawings of what you as Warrior looks like — what you’re wearing and what you’re packing (these don’t have to be aggressive weapons — we can have fun and get creative here) — and I’ll try to figure out a way that you can post your pictures. For now though, would you describe yourself as Warrior to us?