She Got Married — And Yes, It’s Different

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IMG_1017This is an amazing letter I just received from Korina Fleur, an amazing coach and so much more, and I felt everything she says down to my toes.

I’ve saved it for myself – because what Korina describes here is the essence of partnership, marriage, relationship…the reason we marry someone.

To feel free and MORE ourselves, not to shut down, get smaller and try to “fit ourselves into” the “marriage.”

I asked if I could reprint it – and here it is:

I Got Married — And Yes, It’s Different

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I have the best news to share: I GOT MARRIED!

We had a beautiful evening outdoor ceremony, followed by dinner and dancing under the stars.

It was a magical atmosphere lit with hundreds of twinkle lights, softly lit lanterns swaying in the trees, tiki torches and a lovely low-burning fire in the fire pit.

I felt more connected than ever to my new husband, and like we had stepped over a big threshold into an entirely new space.

A week later, I officiated at another wedding. At one point, the photographer asked me, “So, now that you’re married, has anything changed?” I laughed and said, “Yes! Absolutely!”

She was shocked.

She explained that she’d been taking wedding photos for many years and that every time she had asked that question of the newlywed couple, the answer had been: “No, it doesn’t feel any different.”

Now it was my turn to be shocked.

Really!?

How could this be, I wondered?

I’ve pondered this off and on for the last couple weeks.

My husband and I both felt a quantum shift in ourselves and our relationship after the ceremony and in the days that followed.

We’ve known each other for almost 9 years, and yes, taking the marriage step DID make everything different.

I realized that the foundation of our relationship had a lot to do with this big shift we experienced.

Our relationship is founded in growth and freedom.

We’re each committed to our own personal/soul growth as an ongoing, daily process.

The way we relate to each other has always been with the recognition that what “comes up” for us in the context of our relationship rarely has anything to do with the other.

We know that when we get triggered, or feel bad in any way, or have a misunderstanding — the solution to that lies in our ability to clear and heal ourselves internally.

Because of that, we’ve successfully avoided the trap of making the other responsible for our well-being.

We’ve continually and consciously fostered the highest level of communication and openness that we’re capable of, with one another.

We’ve each been willing to stretch out of our comfort zones stay present when it gets super uncomfortable (as it inevitably will, if you’re in authentic relationship with yourself and your partner).

We’ve each sought out our own highest integrity and brought that into the relationship, despite the fears that inevitably crop up.

We’ve always given each other complete freedom to do, be and have anything.

Freedom to express and emote (without blame).

Freedom to hold different views and act on those.

Freedom to do what we are drawn to do, on a day-to-day basis.

The energies of control, manipulation, blame, lack, resentment, complacency and projection have been virtually non-existent in our relationship.

That has allowed us to build a strong foundation of trust and connection.

Stepping over the marriage threshold had the effect of magnifying and expanding what we’ve already built.

The expansion and deepening were palpable in each of us.

Even more supported and exciting growth has opened up for each of us.

There is an even greater sense of possibility for both our lives, because we are more powerful as a committed team.

It’s a deeply fulfilling and magical place to be.

And it is worth all the pain, suffering and fear and deep work I went through to get there.

SO WORTH IT.

So don’t give up.

Growth can be a daunting process sometimes, but it always leads to more and better.

Much love,

Korina

 

From Rori: To learn more about Korina and the amazing things she does (and get her great newsletters like this one and her “3 Steps to Being Loved Like Never Before” report), go here, to http://www.korinafleur.com/

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2 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on October 21, 2016 at 9:54 am

    “It’s a deeply fulfilling and magical place to be”

    Congratulations



  2.  #2Agatha on October 27, 2016 at 9:16 am

    Question. How can one’s partner/spouse NOT be responsible for one’s well-being in some situations such as cheating? While I do believe that in general a person makes his/her own happiness and that being happy is all about perception and choice to be happy, I cannot imagine it’d be fair or accurate to say that a cheated-on spouse’s unhappiness (about finding out that he/she has been cheated on) is all one’s own fault and has nothing to do with the other partner. I feel it’s unfair to blame the cheated-on spouse for the cheater’s infidelities. Same thing applies for situations such as domestic abuse too. Then again, I suppose the argument could be made that you wouldn’t marry someone who is cheating on you or hitting you. However, I’ve heard of more than a few cases where a couple had what seemed to be a rock solid relationship with lots of loyalty, but many years later, one of the spouses ended up cheating, often with circumstances that were very unexpected, unpredicted, and shocking. I don’t know if one can ever truly prevent becoming cheated on, especially since we cannot control another person’s thoughts or actions. What would you say to that situation? I realize that isn’t normal or everyday stuff though (and it shouldn’t be).