Shifting Your Vibe is Counter-Intuitive

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Every woman’s different…

Some of us are always chipper and upbeat, and some are down and depressed.

And it almost makes no difference – because, to change our “results” out there in the world, we have to shift our “vibe.”

And shifting your “vibe” – the feeling that you radiate that attracts some men and pushes away others – is a process of healing and inner work.

For us here, when we’re using my Tools, we’re working that process from as many different angles as we can – words, body language, shifting thinking, sinking into feelings…lots of ways…

The short-term goal here is simply to change the way YOU show up in life as quickly as possible.

Yes, the idea is that when you show up in a “better vibe” way – you’re getting yourself ready to be with the kind of man you WANT to be with, and so getting yourself closer to that place as fast as possible.

The idea is that he’s out there waiting for you to show up as YOURSELF so he can FIND you.

And yet – the moment we think about the result being “getting the man” – we demolish the whole process.

It’s a serious, frustrating “glitch.”

The process is totally counter-intuitive.

What does “counter-intuitive” mean here?

Well, first – it doesn’t “feel” right.  At least it doesn’t feel the way you THINK it’s supposed to feel.

For so many of us – the way that we think is right, the way that instinctively “feels” right – actually feels CRUMMY.

It feels bad.

Yes, it feels safe and comfortable and familiar and exciting for the moment – but often “safe, comfortable, familiar, exciting” ACTUALLY feels like PAIN.

Still, counter-intuitive means “it doesn’t feel like the right way to go.”

It goes against everything we think and have been taught about how to “make things happen.”

And yet – in my personal experience and that of all my successful clients – this IS the best and fastest way to go.

Circular Dating feels completely counter-intuitive because it feels like it’s going in the other direction, away from “commitment” – which is what we want.

We instinctively want to go in a straight line – towards what we want.

We want to move around the “game board” in a predictable pattern, with the goal up ahead.

We want the man we want to be a game board piece that we control. That – if we do certain things – he becomes part of the winnings.

But Circular Dating WORKS because it’s NOT about a game board mindset!

It’s NOT about getting to the end.

The “numbers game” aspect of Circular Dating doesn’t have anything to do with the “You have to kiss x number of frogs before you meet the prince….”

Circular Dating is designed to help you operate in a counter-intuitive way.

Circular Dating wants you to think of it as a “numbers game” for HEALING.

It just makes it possible for you to have more men to practice with so that you can move more quickly – that’s all it is.

Circular Dating is therapeutic. It’s you doing therapy on yourself. It’s you investigating yourself, discovering what’s helping you and what’s hurting you.  It’s magic.

And in the PROCESS, you just – easily, effortlessly and like magic – get what you want. It just shows up.

And it’s yours.  It’s unshakable.

And now you have the tools and the experience and the practice to RECOGNIZE it when it shows up and allow it to unfold and grow.

Now you have the tools to let it happen for you without a game board at all.

Now – life feels different – and your vibe is different.

You may never have even noticed when things shifted.  They just did.  You feel better.  You feel stronger.  You tolerate less pain. You feel more peaceful.  You appreciate a man standing in front of you instead of judging him and worrying. You smile. You’re less afraid to speak your truth.

To keep it going, you just keep choosing Tools that push you to new places instead of drifting back to your old ways of thinking about things.

Magic.

Love, Rori

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1 Comments

  1.  #1Daria on March 29, 2011 at 7:40 am

    Park ranger helper was here!



  2.  #2Mel on March 29, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Rori,

    Can you clarify what CD looks like when you are married or in a committed relationship?



  3.  #3LD on March 29, 2011 at 8:12 am

    “Ten men at my door? Send one of them home, I’m tired tonight.”

    “I never loved anyone as much as I loved myself”

    “I’ve been in more laps than a napkin”

    “too much of a good thing is wonderful”

    “it’s not the men in my life that count, but the life in my men”

    “Love thy neighbor. And if he happens to be tall, dark and handsome it will be that much easier”

    “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted”

    “I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it and 3 times just to make sure”

    “a hard man is good to find”

    -Mae West

    Loving her quotes-an ultimate siren…



  4.  #4Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Just checking in to let you all know that the surgery was changed to today at noon. He was just preped and taken down and it should be a 2 hour surgery. I am hoping for the best and want to thank all, Tinque, DE, Alonka, Kaitlyn, everyone who offered their prayers and best wishes. Sorry if I missed your name but I do appreciate your wishes and hugs that were sent to me.



  5.  #5turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Can someone please remind me why I don’t need closure???? I REALLY want to email Tom and tell him that how he handled things was wrong, and I deserved more than a disappearing act. I don’t want him back, but I told him several times what great manners he had, how polite, etc. I want him to know what he did was hurtful. 🙁

    PLEASE REMIND ME SO I DON”T EMAIL HIM!!!!!

    I did get my period, feeling a little better. 🙂



  6.  #6Mel on March 29, 2011 at 8:37 am

    @ Femininewoman

    Hang in there! My thoughts are with you and your family today!



  7.  #7LD on March 29, 2011 at 8:37 am

    FW,

    Your family is in my prayers today…



  8.  #8Mel on March 29, 2011 at 8:41 am

    @ turquoise3

    Man does everyone on this blog have their period right now? LOL.

    I’m finding it especially difficult (with the hormones fluctuating right now) to deal with things.

    As for the closure… maybe because it might not give you the reaction you would be hoping for? He likely won’t even respond at all and then you might be left feeling horrible for STILL not being heard.

    I was reading a little bit on “inner bonding” lately, and learned that my need to “explain” things is simply my way of trying to control. Could this apply here?

    Just a thought…



  9.  #9Jilly on March 29, 2011 at 8:49 am

    ok…i feel like Rori wrote this specifically for me lol

    Camile…read every single post of Rori’s that you can find about “non closure”… and there is nothing you can say to him to make you feel better in the end…it will only lower your self esteem because more than likely you’ll wish you hadn’t done it 🙁



  10.  #10Jilly on March 29, 2011 at 8:52 am

    ok..i’m off to the dentist..hope everyone has a great day…it’s sunny and beautiful here to day and i just ate the most juicy refreshing mango ever…yum!! 🙂



  11.  #11selena on March 29, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Just wondering why the Rori Raye newsletters are no longer coming. I look forward to them everytime I check my email. I haven’t gotten one in over a month. I have resigned up but still haven’t received one. Is everyone else still getting theirs?



  12.  #12Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 9:28 am

    I think many of us have been struggling with CDing. I do it because it feels better than obsessing over one man (and I have not yet met one man I want to obsess over either–there’s that). But I am ambivalent about it. My “vibe” shifted briefly a few weeks ago, but I do feel it slipping. I need to get back to some of the tools and not allow it to slip.

    I do know several things have changed for the better since finding this blog and practicing Rori’s tools:

    – My confidence has increased dramatically. I actually almost believe that I am a rock star sometimes, despite the few extra pounds and the four kids and the time constraints…and all the other things I used as excuses that held me back from really pursuing the relationship I want.
    – The quality of the men who contact me is waaaaaaay up. And I realize “quality” is relative, but they are the types of men I’ve always wanted to date, but who never seemed to notice me.
    – I am very happy in my life right now without a man–but I want one. Versus previously feeling desperately that I was “wrong” without a man confirming that I was acceptable dating material. I CD myself a ton. I believe that “he” is out there waiting for me to show up.

    I still struggle with leaning back far enough. I struggle with dating more than one man when one wants me to himself too soon without any real connection (why do they ALL do this?). I do still struggle with confidence sometimes.

    I wrote something very vulnerable to a man on a dating site today–I will post it for some feedback. It may be too much too soon–but he responded with a thank you for being so open. I’ll post it further down.



  13.  #13Lilybelle on March 29, 2011 at 9:31 am

    FW,

    Still thinking about you and your dad. I have to catch up from the last post but wanted to let you know.

    Big hugs!

    lil



  14.  #14Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 9:39 am

    So there’s a man on one of the sites (two of them actually–we found each other on both). He would tip-toe up to my profiles but never say hi. I would look at his profiles, but of course, never initiate contact. Finally he said hello and we’ve gone back and forth about 5 times talking literature, music, kids, work, writing, movies, etc.

    He’s super brainy, but also very very very good looking and clearly has an incredible physique. He’s a personal trainer. But I fear he is way too hot for me and will not respond to my “mommy body,” despite my recent health and weight strides. Anyway, this paragraph I sent him (in the context of a bigger email and to his question about “what do you think about chemistry and meeting to see?”)…I felt scared to send it and to be so vulnerable. But I did. Thoughts? Too “explain-y?” Too soon?

    “You do appear quite fit, and of course, I think you are a very good looking man. But that’s not all that appeals to me about you: your intellect, your open smile, your great writing 🙂 You just seem cool and multi-dimensional. I feel like a sexy diva rock star, myself, but I also feel a little nervous that you may prefer a different woman physically. I’m petite but curvy–I just lost the twenty pounds I put on after I shredded my ACL last year, and I’m working on another 20 that I went into the injury with…but even after that, I will still be curvy because I just have that build (itty bitty waist with a round thing in your face). I used to be a seriously buff athletic type, and I may get there yet again. At least my trainer has faith in me! I risk sounding arrogant, but I think I’m a very pretty woman–great skin, deep eyes, bright smile, and a killer musculature and figure under the fluff, but I suspect you are used to a very specific type of hardbody woman, and so I am feeling anxious about disappointing you and feeling weird if we meet. Please tell me if I am making assumptions though. I feel really vulnerable putting it out there like this, but I don’t want to meet and have it be awkward if you have a very specific type of woman in mind for yourself and I am not that way.

    Whew. That felt uncomfortable. But I hope you’ll respond honestly and openly to me.”

    Sirens, I am feeling super vulnerable right now. Insights?



  15.  #15Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 9:41 am

    FW, be well. Positive thoughts to you and tour father…



  16.  #16Kristine on March 29, 2011 at 9:49 am

    CDing is hard to do when your time is limited and I hate feeling like I am wasting my time because I have 3 children and it is so valuable..but if a man of my type asked me out if I had time I would say yes and practice all my tool and i have been learning a lot from Rori and all of you here..Thank you 🙂



  17.  #17Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 9:57 am

    A big “Hello, world” from SLV and “sweetie!”

    We are thankful.

    SLV



  18.  #18Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 10:03 am

    @5: turquoise3 says:
    “…Can someone please remind me why I don’t need closure????…”

    Does this Rori post help?

    “Don’t Let Go, Don’t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horse”

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/marriage/dont-let-go-dont-resolve-forget-closure-and-stay-on-your-horse/

    xoxo
    SLV



  19.  #19turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Boomer,

    I understand totally where you are coming from. I need to lose about 35 pounds to even feel decent about myself, I used to be effortlessly thin…. then I had kids, had to work to lose the weight, and it comes back on as soon as I stop working on it. I now work at a desk job, and put on about 15 pounds in a year. I feel that a fit man wouldn’t be interested in my body type either…. BUT, it’s not right to assume that, everyone has preferences, and a lot of men want a woman who has some curves, that actually looks like a woman! You are stunning from what I can tell in your picture. If he wants to meet, go, and let him decide for himself. Have you exchanged pictures?

    I went out with a model once, I felt the same way, told him before we met that I wasn’t going to be his type…. he loved my curves. He also told me he wanted someone smart, funny…. wasn’t all about looks. The last girl he dated couldn’t even figure out how to load the dishwasher 🙂 The sex ended up being lousy though, lol… I was SO disappointed, he was supposed to be my hotsexguy to get me over my dreamy eyed guy…. lol.

    At this point, you sent it, hopefully he’ll appreciate your honesty and not be that shallow. Keep me posted! 🙂



  20.  #20turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Mel, I think we’ve all gone on the same cycle from the blog 🙂 You are 100% right, I have a control issue to figure out, need to work on that. Thank you! Hope you are doing ok!!! Thought of you a lot last night.

    Jilly…. thank you. Absolutely right!!!

    In other news…. Hottravelguy called me last night and we talked for over 3 hours. PROOF, that some men DO like to talk on the phone! 🙂 He sounds amazing, but afraid to get my hopes up. I’m still sad about Tom, but nice to have the distraction. He asked me out for this weekend, told him I’ll check with my sitter and let him know.

    Boomer, this new guy is a fitness instructor too… feeling nervous about my curves, but going to just see how it goes. I might not like him either in person! 🙂

    Thanks girls… always make me feel better~!

    Camile



  21.  #21Laughing Goddess on March 29, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Boomer!!!!! Re:14

    super rockstar!

    Wow! That letter is awesome. I feel so curious to hear how he responds.

    Maybe a teeny bit explainy…I only say that because I am trying to keep things short and sweet myself…but overall I felt really sweet and connected to you when I read it. I felt impressed with you honesty and confidence.

    I’m not a dude but I’m imagining that I would feel quite turned on receiving a letter like that.

    Please let us know how it goes.



  22.  #22turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 10:36 am

    THANK YOU SLV!!! That was perfect, and I finally know what you were all talking about horses for! 🙂 Wow, I’m going to print that one and out and carry it with me, I’m always trying to let go, move on, etc. from my marriage, and I can’t really let my ex go because we have beautiful children together that need us both, and are a constant reminder of him. I’ve told myself over and over again to let it go, let him go… and I just haven’t been able to. Thank you Rori for writing an article that really spoke to my core.
    I feel so much better, forget closure, I’m putting my energy into what feels good and positive, and going to imagine my horse…. maybe a black stallion, or a deep brown race horse. Think I’ll go search for some horse images… I need to see things, want to know what I’m riding off on.

    That was awesome SLV. Thanks so much for finding it for me! 🙂



  23.  #23Lilybelle on March 29, 2011 at 10:37 am

    14:

    Boomer~

    I want to go out with you after reading that. 😉

    I, too, feel curious about his response.

    Lil



  24.  #24LD on March 29, 2011 at 10:37 am

    I’ve posted this before, but I’ll post it again.

    My best friend is a short “curvy” girl as well. She will tell you she “probably” needs to lose about 50 pounds and then smile and shrug and bite into something yummy and really enjoy it. She OWNS her weight and her shape and she thinks she’s the sexiest woman on the planet.

    I have been out with her (this was in my pre-siren days when my self esteem and confidence was low) with myself all dressed up and looking great at 125 pounds, 5’6″ and a 36-24-36 figure and men have literally pushed me out of the way to get to her. (I’m not kidding, one man actually almost knocked me down once)

    She has always had a true siren vibe even without the benefit of the training we’re getting here. She’s married now, but still has men falling all over her all of the time. Before she married, she always had at least 5 or 6 men trying desperately to get her attention. I can’t even to begin to describe what it was like watching her in action, but she is my true siren role model to this day. It’s not about whether you have a mommy body or a hardbody. It’s all about attitude and owning who you are…



  25.  #25LD on March 29, 2011 at 10:41 am

    Oh, and I’ve also had men not be interested in me before because they said they preferred girls with more meat on them, and I have plenty of curves even though I’m thin. I totally get this because I find Kevin James one of the sexiest men on television and he’s definitely no hardbody.

    Different people have different tastes. Just keep CDing until you find the one that thinks you’re perfect the way you are.



  26.  #26Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 10:48 am

    @22: turquoise3 says:
    :…That was awesome SLV. Thanks so much for finding it for me! …”

    You’re welcome. I put a bunch of Rori posts links in a folder but that one seems to be the post that I read the most. It keeps me on course when I’m getting a little shaky and wondering about “attachments.”

    xoxo
    SLV



  27.  #27Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Thanks, turquoise! I know that I am “all that” and after losing the first twenty, despite having more to go, you couldn’t tell me that I’m not smokin’ hot and fabulous. But this man posts pictures of himself looking sooooo buff in the gym. So you know that physical fitness is something he values highly. And he says so in his profile. I know lots of men dig curves. I have met them, dated them, and given them the time of their lives 😉 But I just crumble under “the look” you get when a man is disappointed when he meets you. I should go into it with no expectations and allow myself to be surprised. I know. But the NVs come out and make me doubt my body when a man is this buff, makes a living being buff, and makes a big deal in his profile about wanting a “woman who takes care of herself” (man code for “no fat-asses!”).

    He’s calling me between three and four o’clock today. We’ll see what he has to say. NO expectations…be surprised. The bright side is, if we do not click, that I have seven others in various stages of CDing right now, so if not him…NEXT!!!



  28.  #28Lilybelle on March 29, 2011 at 10:59 am

    I was most recently called “petite and curvy” by HotgentlemanCD.

    My response was “Oh yes, I love being small and curvy.”

    😉



  29.  #29LD on March 29, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Magic is being able to truly feel chemistry with an average nice guy who I wouldn’t have felt attracted to in my past with my self punishing patterns…. : )



  30.  #30Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 11:01 am

    Lillybelle, LD, and LG: Thanks for the thumbs up. It really came from a vulnerable, sincere place and I am so glad that came through. I am so used to being cool and dispassionate and faking “confidence” with men, that expressing real feelings is just scary to me. I tend to get relegated to “the friend zone” because I am so cool and calm with men and so seemingly “in charge” of myself and my emotions.

    That was the hardest paragraph to write in recent memory, and my cursor hovered over “Send” for many minutes before I committed to the feelings in it. He responded almost immediately with appreciation for my openness and said he’d call this afternoon.

    Hmmm….this stuff really does work??? So regardless of the outcome with BuffAndBald, I took a baby step today that I can build on! Yay me!!!



  31.  #31turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 11:07 am

    You sound great Boomer!!! 🙂 Good for you. And that is right, next!

    Now, I feel like I need to re-learn everything before I go out with hottravelguy….

    We talked for 3 hours last night, was great, but I probably said too much for a first conversation. Rules rules rules… better go refresh!

    SLV, great idea, I’m going to make a folder like that too.



  32.  #32tinque on March 29, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Same thing happens to little women too. I think I have a great shape, ballerina type body with boobs, but many men think I’m too petite, i.e. too skinny.

    I worked hard to get up to this weight, and age is now on my side as in I don’t have to work so hard at it anymore,.

    Lucky for me K likes me just the way I am, AND he loves my body.

    Different strokes for different folks or something like that.
    xxoo



  33.  #33LD on March 29, 2011 at 11:10 am

    Boomer,

    I used to be that calm cool girl too that ended up being friends with all of my exes while they chose less attractive more difficult women over me.

    I’ve been using feeling messages with ministerCD and it really is hard and uncomfortable at first, but the results are amazing. For the first time in my life I admitted that I’m an emotional girl who cries at the drop of a hat whether it be from a sad moment or a happy moment rather than pretending to be tough in front of a man and then crying in private at home. And guess what? Not only did he NOT run away, but he stepped up and got all manly and protective over me!

    I’m breaking all kinds of patterns and limitations lately, and that’s even AFTER I thought I’d already graduated from siren school. It feels so great to be real and authentic and not worry about scaring them away. And the ones that do get scared and run I get over much more quickly than I used to.

    I’m going for my siren black belt. That term appeals to me because it gives me a vision of being soft and feminine on the inside but with calm, flexible strength on the inside,



  34.  #34Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Kristine, 16:

    Yes, I completely identify with the time constraints. I have four kids and only every-other weekend free. Right now I have six men asking for my 48 hours free this weekend. One of them is my one ongoing CD, and he’s getting increasingly irritated that I am dating other men and he is pulling back. (And I am letting him–I suspect he is playing games a little, bu that is his business). Anyway, I get that it’s hard to CD when you are a single mom.

    But all I can say is tell the men who ask to see you when you are free. If they seriously want to see you, they will book your free time. If one waits until the last minute, if you feel open to going and not weird about accepting a last-minute invitation, then go. Otherwise, tell them, “Oh gosh darn-it, I’m all booked this weekend! But I’m free Wednesday night for a few hours after work.” They almost always will ask you out for that free time if they are likewise free.

    Just hang in there. CD yourself too when you can – grab that pedicure during lunch, take the kids to a neighbor and go work out, and don’t be afraid to plan a night out with your girls or other friends and stick to it, saying to any potential suitors that you are otherwise committed if they ask you out for that night.



  35.  #35Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 11:22 am

    @30: Boomer

    Do you post any full-length photos on your profiles?

    xoxo
    SLV



  36.  #36turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 11:22 am

    I’m going to a singles night next Friday, and have plans to go to a friends open house, and to see a high school friend who is in the navy and coming in from California that Saturday. Feels good to have whole weekend planned over a week ahead 🙂 CDing friends is a great way to do it, when you aren’t comfortable dating several men at once.



  37.  #37Lorelei on March 29, 2011 at 11:28 am

    SLV = I feel awed by the emergence of your sweetie . . . and I feel very curious as well, though you seem to be keeping them a little, well, veiled, at the moment . . .

    But that’s OK.



  38.  #38Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 11:29 am

    @36: turquoise3 says:
    “…CDing friends is a great way to do it, when you aren’t comfortable dating several men at once…”

    Yea!

    xoxo
    SLV



  39.  #39Lorelei on March 29, 2011 at 11:41 am

    I am CD-ing myself by buying a new bed! A large, room-for-two bed. A large, room-for-two-where-one-could-be-a-tall-man kind of bed.

    I laughed out loud for joy when I pressed the button on the online order form a few minutes ago.

    I’ve been feeling quite low the last few weeks – after turning 50, getting the ex-marital house sold at last, and having my best CD (WaveMan) over the last 4 months vanish . . I thought I was just dating him along with others, but it seems he had become my favourite . . Long story . . might riff it out here soon. It is a loss that I feel very sad about, but will get through.

    But I’m on my horse, on a new dating site, and had a new coffee CD today, who asked me to go out for dinner at the weekend at the end of the coffee date . . and I’ve ordered my new bed. Both of these really helped in boosting my battered siren vibe . .

    This bed, is a statement of intention to myself and the universe. Since my marriage ending last summer, I’ve been sleeping in my old single bed – the only one left in the house.

    My new bed is part of my intention to meet a soul partner, and I know other people have been talking on here about this kind of physical intention. I am also getting a pair of bedside tables. I will be looking for a pair of bedside lamps as well. I ordered new bedlinen as well (again, all the large bedlinen went off with my Ex). But it is beautiful to be buying new bed stuff. And, until I move out of the ex-marital home, I am going to put it in a room that has never been used as a bedroom before, not while I’ve been living here.

    I feel joy, alongside pain and loss, but I am so glad to feel joy as well as pain. I can and will have love. I can and will have love. I can and will have love.



  40.  #40Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 11:43 am

    @37: Lorelei says:
    “…SLV = I feel awed by the emergence of your sweetie . . . and I feel very curious as well, though you seem to be keeping them a little, well, veiled, at the moment . . .”

    He’s beneath the veil to me also, totally. I am working through manifesting my soul mate life partner and making room for him. If I say too much it sounds kind of insane or supernatural or both!

    I’ll just say every night there is some warm and loving energy sleeping with me, probably my manifested love for myself… however… yesterday I’d been working on sort of a little deal that I hoped would help finance some of our expenses in near future (mine and perhaps soul mate) and it fell through. I was working on it all afternoon and didn’t get it. So I finally gave it up to the Universe and decided to let it go. “Sweetie” appeared around midnight and mysteriously out of nowhere I got another offer!!!

    At midnight!!!! Very mysterious, no explanation whatsoever after being turned down in e-mails and I then turned down counter offer. I got my ORIGINAL offer with no explanation!!! I think “sweetie” had something to do with it. Oh, well…. I’m going with the flow.

    xoxo
    SLV



  41.  #41tinque on March 29, 2011 at 11:46 am

    SLV – “It” is in two weeks from today. Still coming?

    xxoo



  42.  #42Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 11:48 am

    LD, Siren Blackbelt. I LOVE it!

    Oh, I hope I can keep embracing my feelings. I am in an annoying text convo with AlphaMale (aka Eeyore) right now. He says he is broke and I deserve more than to sit around my house with him on my free weekend with the expectation of sex hanging heavy in the air. I told him I don’t need him to spend a fortune on me–ice cream, a matinee, a free museum jaunt would all be lovely–but that he is within his rights to ask or not ask for my time. I’m trying to deliver it all in feeling messages, which is really hard because he comes back at me with HIS feeling messages (minor “ick” to me).

    Anyway, I keep trying, and coming here for support really helps. Thanks!



  43.  #43Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 11:53 am

    @41: tinque

    Yes.

    xoxo
    SLV



  44.  #44tinque on March 29, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Oh YAY!!! SLV….

    xxoo



  45.  #45Lorelei on March 29, 2011 at 11:58 am

    SLV @ 40

    Hi – that’s kind of what I was getting from your earlier posts . . a sweetie known at an intuitive level but not yet physically, but I wasn’t sure. The blog lost something i posted at the weekend about your post where you talked about going to bed to read and leaving the lights on . .

    It doesn’t sound weird to me – different levels of knowing . . . sounds great, actually.



  46.  #46Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 11:58 am

    SLV, ya know, I do not have any all-body shots, and I know I need at least one. I did have one of me in some little short overalls, and at least two men said, “That’s a terrible picture of you. Remove it!” LOL. I was shocked and it was funny, but I did remove it. One man had met me, and although we did not click, he circles back around often to tell me I’m beautiful and how he wishes he were “ready for me” and other horse puckey (he’s an admitted player and I am an admitted soulmate searcher). But he said the pic really did me no justice. In fact, I hear that a lot when men meet me–that that I am far more attractive in person (one man said he never would have pursued me had he known what I really looked like!) and that I need better pictures. I guess that’s a good position to be in considering the alternative.

    Daria always suggests professional photography. Maybe I will gift myself with some pretty and sexy professional shots as a reward for losing another ten pounds…THAT would be excellent motivation!



  47.  #47Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 11:59 am

    @44: tinque

    😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  48.  #48Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    @45: Lorelei

    But so far, “he” isn’t present during the day. Kind of for breakfast sometimes and yesterday seemed to be when I was out walking in morning.

    The first morning I actually said aloud “where are you going?” and “heard” something like “spending the day with the guys….” ???? This was only after I had awakened very early and then fallen asleep again until about 10:00 a.m. I didn’t feel abandonned or anything. I guess I’m not/we’re not ready yet for each other… That’s OK. I had a sense “he” was meeting some guys for breakfast/brunch. I am going to find out where when I am ready … I have a hunch!

    Do you think this is weird? I do. But it feels very calm and comfortable.

    xoxo
    SLV



  49.  #49Lorelei on March 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    Boomer @ 46

    I’ve been doing photos for dating site recently – using a self-timer on my camera. I find I need to take a lot, to get one that I like!! Like 30-50 to get one that just has ‘it.’ This is also how professional photographers work.

    One thing that helps the success, though, is to be in a really good, flowing Siren type of vibe, not just doing it because i need some new photos – it comes through in the photo, somehow – completely different than posing for a photo. Photos taken when your vibe is ‘ON’ (dancing night?) would be fabulous. It will show in your smile.

    I have one full body shot online – in flattering clothing!

    Let us know how you get on.



  50.  #50turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    Boomer, that is kind of funny… he’s using feeling messages too! 🙂 Must think since you speak that way, he should too!



  51.  #51Kristine on March 29, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    Thanks Boomer!!! Appreciate it, So True!!!!



  52.  #52Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    @46: Boomer

    I think professional photos are good idea. Do you remember Nancy? She had several photos in her profile. I think some where snapshots. One was of her on beach or some outdoor shot..anyway her face was obscured but it did show the general outline of her body.

    I thought that was a brilliant kind of photo to have. I could use one like that on CL and no one would recognize me but it would give a general sense how the “total” me looks.

    xoxo
    SLV



  53.  #53Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    @46: Boomer

    I would look like a mushroom in shorts overalls and I’m 5’6″. Long trousers work better for me or a long flowy skirt. I need to experiment. I have no siren wardrobe. I need one.

    xoxo
    SLV



  54.  #54Lorelei on March 29, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    SLV @ 48

    It doesn’t sound weird at all to me…. it sounds and feels like something is happening deep inside you, part of personal growth, at the very least.

    As you suggest, he could be part of a process of loving and accepting all the parts of your psyche. He might be part on an externalisation of some part of your self, hitherto unknown, or unacknowledged . . a particular facet of your masculine energy . . in Jungian terms, an animus.

    (There might not be just one animus – over the last 6 months, I’ve had all sorts of different animi turn up in my dreams (idealised golden ‘boys,’ and a really butch, tough guy one etc) and I now ‘talk’ to some of them on a regular basis – because they are still around during the daytime as well. In my case, I’m apparently talking to part of myself, that, in my imagination has a masculine form . . )

    Or . . well, who knows . . I am open to the possibility also that he is a manifestation of your actual real life sweetie, not yet revealed (if we all all connected at some level) . . or of how you will *feel* (a sort of taster) when your actual sweetie comes into your life and you form a relationship together . . . and I feel interested, and very supportive, of you conversing more with him. xxx



  55.  #55turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    SLV, go shopping 🙂 I try to pick something up, that makes me feel good fairly often when I go out. Even a soft v-neck t-shirt that lays well looks great with jeans… I recently purchased several pairs of red underwear and a few new bras, makes me feel sexy, even when I’m just at work.

    So, hot travel guy texted me at 1:15
    Hi Camile. I hope your day is going well. I hope I did not keep you up too late last night. I really enjoyed talking to you. Larry
    I didn’t see it until 2:32, keep my phone on silent at work… I replied
    Hi 🙂 No, not at all. Felt very comfortable chatting with you. My day has been busy. Yours? I am absolutely loving this sunshine!
    Larry: Very busy also, but it is going fast at least. Yeah, those blue skies look great.
    Me: I know…. making me smile 🙂
    Larry: You have a great smile, so anything we cand o to keep that happening.
    Me: Thank you 🙂 That was sweet and made me smile 🙂

    Should I have complimented him too? His pictures are good, but kind of far away. I did tell him last night he has great arms, wow… 6’2, brown hair, brown eyes, electrical engineer, fitness instructor, artist, and inventor. 42, definitely wants to get married and have a child. Lives less than 10 miles from me. Divorced, no kids… was married 6 years. Doesn’t drink or smoke. Loves to garden, grows his own fruit, cans and bakes 🙂 Quite a mix. He travels for work often, has been to Hawaii 22 times, Australia, Japan, China, Columbia, Spain, Russia, Mexico, Canada, etc. I LOVE to travel… and he’s also a photo nut like me.

    Wow, I thought Tom was great, but here is another guy whom I have a lot in common with and actually likes to talk, and sounds like he has a lot going for him.

    Hmmm… guess a wonderful reminder how many men are out there and that I don’t need to settle for someone who isn’t giving me what I need/want.

    Who knows if there will be any chemistry in person, but talking with him last night helped pull me out of my Tom slump. CDing does really help when we let it.

    Tinque and ladies… I’d appreciate some advice on what to do next. I’m supposed to let him know when I can get a sitter this weekend to see him. Do I wait to hear from him again or offer up that information when I find out today? How do I keep myself in the moment, and not attached to the outcome? I struggle with that. Thank you!



  56.  #56Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    I was thinking today that perhaps I need to shift my vibe too. Though I don’t want to 😉

    I know that guys like me and easily ask me on dates.. of course they have no idea that I’m 39 and have a grown up kid lol. They normally think I’m younger, sometimes a lot younger. But then my vibe I guess is to be polite, nice, smiley and sort of ‘yeah, perhaps it will be in this lifetime that you get to touch me’ 😉 Not that I’m actively against it, but I’m not thinking about that on a 1st date, I’m all about having fun and getting to know each other. And most of the time it doesn’t work.

    I can’t tell for all of them, but the ones that became my friends later if I asked them said that yes I’m pretty and nice and smart, but require – not even with my words – a serious relationship from start, and they want something ‘lighter’.

    Maybe I should change something there??



  57.  #57turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    SLV, I often pray for the future man in my life, and my girls’ future husbands. I also always send up a prayer for someone that no one else is praying for. I figure God will send it where it is most needed, and hope that maybe that person who might be feeling lost and alone, finds some comfort in their life from my prayer. 🙂 YOu don’t sound crazy at all…. the power of positive thinking is a very true thing!

    I have a poster I made on my frig. that says “Time to Thrive” and I cut out pictures and words from magazines that spoke to me… I have a big victorian house with a wraparound porch and roses, twilight written in a star filled ski, the back of shirtless, dark haired man with his arms wide open facing an ocean, ( I can’t see his face, but I’ll know him when he shows up) layered over a picture of Australia (secretly hoping my soul mate has an australian accent, or at least wants to take me there) plus some other words and pictures of things I want in my life. It’s a visual (I am very visually driven) reminder of what I want in order to thrive in my life. I love it! 🙂



  58.  #58Jilly on March 29, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    SLV….@ 48 i felt goose bumps when i read that…WOW 🙂 it felt good to me…like this is real…

    Camile!!! you are doing awesome…i feel so happy that you can see past ol’ Tom 😉 i would wait until he brings it up again…that’s what i do…and it feels sooo good when they do 🙂 to stay in the moment try and visualize yourself as “the PIE” and all men want pie!! lol and visualize yourself as your most feminine and beautiful sireny self and the rest just seems to work out…Good luck!!



  59.  #59Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Camile,

    Your new CD sounds great!!! I felt smiley too when read about all your smiles 😉



  60.  #60Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    @54: Lorelei says:
    “… or of how you will *feel* (a sort of taster) when your actual sweetie comes into your life and you form a relationship together . . .”

    Yes, that’s what I had in mind with “making space for him.” That, and trying to get some idea what it would be like to have “a man around the house.” I’ve been living independently so long; it’s important that I work this out. You are lucky in that respect; you have recently “living together” experience.

    xoxo
    SLV



  61.  #61turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Jilly… he grows his own fruit and bakes cobbler and pies… I’ll imagine I’m a rasberry pie 🙂 I can’t remember the last time I had a 3hr and 16 min. phone call! 🙂



  62.  #62turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    SLV, I’m working on clearing out the clutter in my life, and never thought about needing to make space for someone else, but I definitely do! There wouldn’t be any room in my home for someone new…. lots to part with though 🙂



  63.  #63turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    Thanks Alonka!!! 🙂 By the way, where are you from? I’m trying to picture you!



  64.  #64Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Tinque, I used to be very tiny too (before and between sets of babies) and I was this killer buff kickboxing instructor and runner. <>

    And men would say, “You’re sooo tiny!” and it was not in a good way. And I really prefer BIG HULKING men. Like, 6’3″ or taller and 220 lbs. or more.

    So I feel ya here. I don’t have that issue now though 🙂 being a little “beefy” as I am now.



  65.  #65Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    @56: Alonka says:
    “…if I asked them said that yes I’m pretty and nice and smart, but require – not even with my words – a serious relationship from start, and they want something ‘lighter’.
    Maybe I should change something there??…”

    If you think they are choosing you based mostly on “prettiness” did you ever try the “alternate” online dating method maybe just for an experiment or two?

    xoxo
    SLV



  66.  #66Jilly on March 29, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    camile…that’s perfect lol rasberry pie…

    my friend…who is a babysiren 😉 i’ve been helping her..she does get Rori’s eletters..but hasn’t ventured further with the blog or anything like that…(which i’m missing my eletters 🙁
    but she text me yesterday…saying OMGOMG i am going on a date in 15 mins. with soandso (we kind of work with him) and i was like OMGOMG…she said…ya i kept telling myself i was the pie and he asked me out!!!! so what do i do now??? i said…keep being the pie!!! lol



  67.  #67Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    54 – Oh, Lorelei! I want animi!!!!



  68.  #68Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    Camile, I’m Eastern European. Nothing exotic – blond, grey eyes.



  69.  #69Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    @55: turquoise3 says:
    “… I try to pick something up, that makes me feel good fairly often when I go out. Even a soft v-neck t-shirt that lays well looks great with jeans…”

    I glanced in the mirror month or so ago and staggered back. Yikes. I must trim down and “sirenize” my wardrobe later.

    Maybe I’ll get something anyway… Hey, I’m perked now. It could be a good motivation tool. Good idea! 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  70.  #70Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    SLV, a mushroom!!!??? Hahahaa. Yeah, overall shorts are just not a good look for anyone. The pic was a bit too “Come on Eileen” and dated. But it showed clearly that I am 5’0″ with a killer butt and a nice rack…so….

    I think I may go get some real pics done.



  71.  #71Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    SLV,

    ‘did you ever try the “alternate” online dating method’ – hmm not sure I understand? I do both online and meet-at-parties methods.



  72.  #72Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    @57: turquoise3 says:
    “… I have a big victorian house with a wraparound porch and roses, twilight written in a star filled ski, the back of shirtless, dark haired man with his arms wide open facing an ocean, ( I can’t see his face, but I’ll know him when he shows up)…

    This was recommended in book I read recently– I’m going to read it again!– but I haven’t yet started my treasure visual board map. I’m not sure about some things…

    Yours sounds great!

    xoxo
    SLV



  73.  #73Mel on March 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Raspberry Pie sounds AMAZING right about now!

    Does anyone have a link to Rori’s “pie” e-newsletter? For some reason, even though I’ve subscribed a few times, I’m still not receiving them.



  74.  #74Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Alonka, I was picturing you as Indian! I don’t know why!???

    I am half Italian and half hillbilly 🙂 But men ask all the time if I am Middle Eastern…the dark eyes and hair, I guess. That, and everyone in my city is of German descent, so a dark-haired, dark complected person is kind of suspect!



  75.  #75Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    @67: Boomer says:
    “…54 – Oh, Lorelei! I want animi!!!!…’

    Make some space and then when you go to bed and pull the cover over, whisper “are you sleeping with me tonight?” and see what happens…

    xoxo
    SLV



  76.  #76Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    Boomer,

    Your picture looks very Italian to me! Wow, in a German-descent town they are probably all after a hot Italian girl 😉



  77.  #77Lorelei on March 29, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Boomer @ 67

    Animi!! Look out for them in your dreams!! Male figures (sometimes partly like men you know, sometimes unlike any man you know), who come alongside to be with you, assist you, help you along a journey or accompany you through a dream situation . . . .

    When I was very detached from my masculine side/energy, men in dreams often seemed present but unreachable, distant, withdrawing, rejecting . . now I’m more loving and accepting and welcoming of that multi-faceted part of myself, I am often accompanied in dreams by men, but they all now want to be with me, touch me, laugh with me, intertwine with me, offer assistance, offer protection (a warrior type?) in scary dream scenarios.

    In almost all cases, my animi are helping me get where I’m going – in the dream scenes, and in life.



  78.  #78Jilly on March 29, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Mel…i’m trying to find it…i know i have it..but i’m not so organized lol so maybe someone else will post it quicker 🙂



  79.  #79Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    @71: Alonka says:
    “… – hmm not sure I understand? I do both online and meet-at-parties methods…”

    I read dating coach suggestion that very pretty women who are getting lots of responses but not the kind they want, try alternate online method. Write killer profile, remove pic, send initial contacts to few select men based on their profile. When you get a response you like and he asks for pic then send him one.

    It’s leaning forward a tiny bit, one time only. I know you don’t have a problem with that so I wondered if you had tried it at all and/or if it had been helpful.

    xoxo
    SLV



  80.  #80Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Well, Alonka, the local boys suspect that I am some kinda crazy foreigner. So they are attracted, but scared at the same time, I think. LOL! Mexican men love me too–they like my butt, I am told. Woohoo!

    The funny thing is, I am an all-American girl-next- door in personality. But I look dark and swarthy. My freshman college roommate’s mother looked shocked when I walked in the door of our shared dorm room that first day, and then did a double-take when my tiny Italian mommy walked in behind me. They were very “our ancestors arrived on the Mayflower” country club folks, and the mother looked at us and said, “Oh my, you’re…ethnic…aren’t you?”

    It was hilarious. My mother calmly and with dignity in her accent and said, “Well, Mrs. Smith, don’t we all come from somewhere else? That’s America after all!”

    I often think I belong on the East Coast or Chicago or even Cleveland, where there are many more Italians. In this part of Ohio, anyone dark complected is a suspected terrorist. OK, I’m kidding a little – but I used to fly a lot right after 9/11, and every other time I flew, I got “randomly” pulled aside to get a special pat-down. I was pregnant at the time, so I suspect they thought I was smuggling a bomb! I kid….but it was suspicious and odd that I got singled out so much.

    When I travel to Miami or Toronto, I feel so much at home on their streets-like I blend right in and no one thinks I’m “too dark.” It’s funny, and I love my Italian-ness. We have great food! And the white pasty boys do tend to find me alluringly different!



  81.  #81Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    @74: Boomer says:
    “…That, and everyone in my city is of German descent,…”

    Not all…did you ever read or see “Beloved?” 😀 But I know what you mean… “Vas you effer in Zinzinnati ?”

    xoxo
    SLV



  82.  #82Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    And my best friend, Annie Clyde, is a sexy, striking black woman (think “Black Barbie”)…oh, the white boys looove her! She has an island vibe–like maybe Caribbean, although she does not know her specific heritage. White men ask her all the time, “Are you black?”

    We laugh and laugh! And she rubs her arm with her fingers and looks at her fingers and then looks at them them and says, “Well, it didn’t rub off, so yeah, I guess I’m black!”

    No one knows what to make of her. It’s awesome.

    I call her “my hot black girl,” and she calls me her “sassy white girlfriend.” We have talked about writing a funny book on interracial friendship…we have all kinds of interesting questions for each other all the time that show our cultural differences, and its a fun dynamic. We need to write it all down.



  83.  #83Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    SLV, yes, we are quite racially mixed here…but in numbers really, and not really in terms of “mixing.” It’s a fairly segregated town.

    I’m curious, do many of you here date outside your race? I have explored dating men of different races/elasticities, but I not really as open-mindedly as I think I should. Is this a too-sensitive subject on the blog? I’m just curious…and want to examine my beliefs around the topic, I think…



  84.  #84Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    SLV,

    #79: I see, thanks. Basically you are saying again it’s them, not me.

    I do contact guys myself on the sites (not at parties though). Will think about removing my photo, thanks.

    Was thinking that maybe I need to change my behavior on dates.. but I don’t know how. plus from what I remember any dates that turned into relationships for me actually liked it that I was more of a ‘schoolgirl’ type, don’t touch guys’ hands, knees, etc.



  85.  #85Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Elasticities!!! Spell check changed my misspelling of “ethnicities.”

    Although I can think of a few uses for a man of elasticity! Ha!



  86.  #86Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    @83: Boomer says:
    “…SLV, yes, we are quite racially mixed here…but in numbers really, and not really in terms of “mixing.” It’s a fairly segregated town….”

    I haven’t been there in several decades but I grew up there as did my mother, grandparents, great-grandparents etc. I don’t know what the dating scene is now but I imagine it’s like every other city.

    I’ve changed my mind a lot about inter racial dating. I used to be naive and liberal; I still want everyone to find love but if you read the stats for Black women dating online, or anywhere else, it’s scary!

    xoxo
    SLV



  87.  #87Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Alonka, I too have no trouble geting dares. And these are men who tell me when they meet that that I am “far more attractive than my pictures” and that they are pleased. But by the end of the date…I’ve blown it.

    Well, that’s what I used to think. Perhaps sometimes I DID do something “wrong,” (too talkative, too assertive, too interrupt-y), but I now allow for the possibility that we just are not a match and I let it go at that. It always stings a little when he does not call or says he is not interested, even if you didn’t like him either….but it’s not always “you’re doing something wrong.”

    Read, “Be Honest: You’re Not That Into to Him Either” for some fun insight into why you get to be choosy too.



  88.  #88Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Boomer,

    #80: Yes, I know what you mean about Toronto! It’s very multi-cultural and there’s a bit Italian community there.

    And to some people you will always be ‘ethnic’, if not by your looks, then mentality/life style etc. lol Maybe it’s a good thing!



  89.  #89Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Ugh…spell check, Boomer, spell check!

    “getting dates.”



  90.  #90Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    @85: Boomer says:
    “…Elasticities!!! Spell check changed my misspelling of “ethnicities…”

    Elasticities probably says it as well anyway…aren’t we all… more or less…? 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  91.  #91Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Love love love Toronto!!!!



  92.  #92Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    @84: Alonka says:
    “… I see, thanks. Basically you are saying again it’s them, not me….”

    Oh, yeah. I think so. What do you think?

    xoxo
    SLV



  93.  #93Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    SLV, not much has changed here, except the tensions continue to rise. Haves/have nots. Very conservative. Very stoic. Very little art, culture (unless you count football–which I do not).

    But it is a good town for raising children–clean, safe, affordable.

    But boring for dating. So boring…and very little good Italian food!



  94.  #94Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Boomer,

    I hear you re: #87 and you are right, but what if they actually do say: would you like to get together again, I will give you a call, let’s go to a museum/see a movie/do dinner – we will talk during the week 😉



  95.  #95Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    @87: Boomer says:

    “…Read, “Be Honest: You’re Not That Into to Him Either” for some fun insight into why you get to be choosy too…”

    Book? The title alone makes my ears perk up and heart beat a little faster! Going to check library now! I think I’m at reserve queue limit I might have to toss something overboard… 😆

    xoxo
    SLV



  96.  #96Angel Lady on March 29, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Boomer- I am noticing quite a lot of feeling messages coming from the guys I am dating too! I am wondering if it has always been this way and I am just noticing it now…

    I have noticed the “icky” feeling too. I am just noticing it for now. At times it feels like a competition of feelings.. lol. I am wondering if it’s just how I am looking at it. I feel like there is so many of “their feelings” that there isn’t room for mine. Like as soon as I say something I feel… especially one of them. He turns right around and makes it about his feelings but never acknowledges mine. it feels weird and empty. I feel unheard and no accomodated.

    So- what is your experience and how to you handle this with your men? found anything that feels good to you?

    I am just letting it be for now and noticing. I wonder if it is just clearing out stuffed feelings that is going on right now with JJ. It seems like it.

    Would love to hear your experience.



  97.  #97tinque on March 29, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    turquoise3 – He did ask you to let him know when you could get a sitter, so let him know when you know.

    As for not being attached to the outcome of this or anything, it takes time and patience and being gentle with yourself. And always having plan B even if it’s curling up to watch a movie alone or read.

    xxoo



  98.  #98Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Yea! Here it is:

    Your request for Be honest–you’re not that into him either : raise your standards and reach for the love you deserve was successful.

    Sounds good, doesn’t it??? 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  99.  #99tinque on March 29, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Boomer – I’m with you on the big guys. K is 6’2″ around 210. It makes me feel safe and loved, cozy and feminine.
    Nothing better than to be all wrapped up in him. Interpret this as you wish.

    xxoo



  100.  #100Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    @99: tinque says:
    “.. I’m with you on the big guys. K is 6’2″ around 210. It makes me feel safe and loved, cozy and feminine…”

    What’s your take on guys who are tall, leaner: 6’1″ 175 lbs?” It seems weird, I never thought about this much before, but online dating seems to have everyone’s stats… I wrote out mine and got a little nervous.

    xoxo

    SLV



  101.  #101tinque on March 29, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    SLV – I just love that you have a “sweetie”. I don’t think this is weird at all.

    xxoo



  102.  #102Laughing Goddess on March 29, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    SLV: I love hearing about your sweetie!

    I’ve been pondering what you said about having a legal marriage.

    I still feel unsure about the whole issue and I am open to my thoughts around this changing. Right now, I have zero desire to have a legal marriage. The main reason is that I like to keep my life simple and it just seems like a lot of unnecessary paperwork. Plus I don’t want to ever get divorced and have to deal with that legal process.

    I would maybe agree to a legal wedding after many many years with a man.

    I know my views may change if I am financially dependent of my man or if I had children with him. I might appreciate the security the legalness brings.

    Right now I just care more about the feeling of being married. I want to feel cherished and adored and coveted(?).

    I don’t even feel all that attached to finding “the one”. Right now, I believe I could have several “ones”. In fact, I feel excited about the idea of having many long-term lovers.

    I feel confident that I will stay in my siren and deliberate manifesting vibe and always be able to attract a new wonderful man.

    I’m open to settling down to a lifetime with one man if things feel good.

    I probably wouldn’t feel secure though being with a man who has the same attitude as me. I feel safe knowing that LI is lookin for his lifelong love.

    Hmmm, that’s interesting that I wouldn’t feel safe with someone who has my attitude about marriage. That’s something to look at, I suppose.

    I feel curious to hear your take on this SLV.



  103.  #103tinque on March 29, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    I’m not sure what your question is SLV.

    175 is a bit skinny for a man of a certain age, but it’s all good.

    For me though I’ve never been attracted to shorter men. I once dated a guy who had maybe three inches on me. That was the first and last date though it wasn’t only because of his height.

    xxoo



  104.  #104Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    @102: Laughing Goddess says:

    “…I feel curious to hear your take on this SLV….”

    I think there are two issues. First, could I choose one man and live the rest of my life with him? Even twelve months ago, the answer was “no.” Maybe not even “no” just not even considered. I’ve had an epiphany. I could do that and I think it would be a really good thing. A cool and fun thing. Finding him might be a chore… 😆

    Second, would I consider marrying again? If I could chose a man as a life partner, then I could marry that man. The hard part is the first part. The obstacle I’ve had for years was the thinking that there was “the one” and what if I didn’t get it right, what if I missed the one. And if there were a lot of “ones” which is what I believe now… did I pick the best one???? What if there is a better “one” that I would meet right around the corner or a couple of months in the future???? Then I’d be stuck and not be available or there would be ugly extrication required.

    The other thing was meeting disappointing guys and just giving up. And lots of smaller issues. But now I admit, I was a wuss compared to the bravery of the sirens I’ve met here who meet unsuitable men by the boatload.

    Well, it dawned on me. I don’t have to find “the best one” only the one that I’m in in love with that… you know… loves me, adores me, cherishes me and never lets me forget it. If I can live happily with him, we make the happily ever after and commit to each other and it doesn’t matter who is around the corner.

    Eureka!

    But I’m still getting my head around this, pondering it and working out my thoughts. I did not think this way in March 2010. I still don’t know if I can actually “live” with a man everyday even though I like the thought of it. Kind of basic, huh?

    xoxo
    SLV



  105.  #105Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    @103: tinque says:

    You are petite I sense… so maybe not a good question for you… What was my question? Maybe it will evaporate but it is sort of like the guys shorter than you. In my case, until I go back, fingers crossed, to something resembling m ideal weight, I am not heavier than some of the guys around. Y



  106.  #106Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Yikes … posted without me… 😳
    ———————–
    That should read… “I am now heavier than some of the guys around.” They might be a few inches taller but I weigh more! Your shorter than you guys would be my slimmer than me guys.

    That feels kind of funny to me… and kind of embarassing when I see their stats; I was just looking at some. I hope it won’t have to be that way next year…

    xoxo
    SLV



  107.  #107tinque on March 29, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    I would be hard pressed to find a man who is shorter than I let alone weighs less, yet I understand the concern though even though I haven’t personally experienced it.

    I would suggest not worrying about this SLV. It all tends to work out just right.

    xxoo



  108.  #108Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    @103: tinque says:
    “175 is a bit skinny for a man of a certain age, but it’s all good…”

    These are actually like my brother’s stats only I think he’s about 6’2′ and 165/170 maybe now. He’s mid60ish. Maybe I’ll think about him while I menu plan. hahahahaha 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  109.  #109tinque on March 29, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    You might end up cooking things to fatten him up. LOL

    xxoo



  110.  #110Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Yes, LG it is interesting… How would it feel to be with a man who felt “excited about the idea of having many long-term lovers”? That would feel awful to me.



  111.  #111Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Tinque, I love big men too. That’s one of the things that I find unattractive about fb college guy – he’s not much taller than me, maybe 3 inches (I’m 5’4). 🙁 Do you think there’s any hope for attraction growing (and lasting!) if I don’t really like shortness? Interestingly, my older son is about the same height as fb college guy while my younger son is over 6′.



  112.  #112turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Home sweet home, leftover for dinner… I feel kind of wierd, like I had too much caffiene and took allergy meds or something. Must be the Pamprin.

    Alonka, I lived in Germany for three years and while there visited a lot of countries like Poland, Denmark, France, England, Spain, Luxemburg, Holland, Belguim, and drove through a few others. Thought maybe I’d been on your homeland 🙂

    I’m not sure about changing your vibe. I know I’ve tried to be a little quieter, follow some of the rules, etc. but my outgoing/overtalkative personality keeps coming out. So, rather than try and change my vibe, I’m just trying to integrate more of the tools into my interactions with others, not interrupting, really listening, etc. I figure I can grow, but still be authentic to who I am, and the right person will appreciate that in me. 🙂

    The only thing I would say, is it never seems you are too excited about the men you are going out with. Maybe that comes across as too reserved/serious? It would be nice to hear you gush 🙂

    Tinque, thank you for the response. I’m going to wait and see if I hear from him this evening, if not I’ll let him know when I got the sitter. Do you have a website too? I’ve seen references to what you’ve written, would love to read it!

    Does anyone know how to change the flower to our own picture???? I’d like to change mine. Thanks!



  113.  #113tinque on March 29, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Anything is possible Lucy. I feel lucky that most of the men in my life were tall though. I would imagine if the feelings are strong, it wouldn’t matter the size.

    Though sometimes the initial impression is difficult to get around which is why I suggest keeping an open mind about all.

    I’m sure I’ve said that K’s overall look wasn’t one I would have gone for/fallen for in the past. I made a conscious decision to keep myself open anyway. I’m so glad I did. But he is tall. Well over a foot taller than me and more than twice my weight, a definite plus.

    xxoo



  114.  #114femenrgylove on March 29, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    dear universe,
    i would love some tulips,big bulbs of luscious yellow tulips…or soft pink velvety ones,to put in my room to brighten it up.i can very well buy them myself,and maybe i will…but i would love them spontaneously,affectionately,with a soft kiss on the lips and a soft touch to the cheek…a deep chuckle at my surprise…and immense pleasure in my heart.
    i open my heart to receive it.
    thanks
    🙂



  115.  #115tinque on March 29, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    turqouise3 – Click on my name; it will take you to my site.

    Go to gravatar.com to put up whatever you want.

    xxoo



  116.  #116Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Alonka, my son’s choir toured in Europe last spring and his favorite place was the Czech Republic – Is that considered eastern Europe or still western?



  117.  #117Laughing Goddess on March 29, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    110: Lucy says:

    Yes, LG it is interesting… How would it feel to be with a man who felt “excited about the idea of having many long-term lovers”? That would feel awful to me.

    Tuesday, 29 March 2011 @ 3:20pm

    I feel happy that you are clear that it would feel awful to you.

    I’m noticing that I have feelings of shame and guilt coming up reading your post.

    I don’t want to feel that way.

    I’m noticing lots of feelings swirling around. I feel intrigued watching them.

    I’m noticing now when I get triggered I struggle for a moment but more and more quickly bounce back to a feeling of self-love and I feel good about that.



  118.  #118Laughing Goddess on March 29, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Im starting to feel accept this and feel good about the fact that I’m not attached to being with one man. It feels good to know that I do have to attach to one man. I feel free and flexible and open.

    It’s okay if other people don’t feel that way.

    In fact, it’s awesome.

    I get to be uniquely me and I love me, quirks and all.



  119.  #119Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Tinque, thanks for your response. I’m trying my best to be open to physical attraction growing with him. I broke up with one of my college bf’s primarily bc of his height – I would’ve kept dating him “for now,” but he started talking marriage. My next bf (M, who I became engaged to) was over 6′ and I loved it! A lot of our playfulness together was very physical – him jumping over me (while I was standing!), him scooping me up in his arms, me riding on his back etc. It felt really good.



  120.  #120Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    LG, I feel concerned bc it seems like I was misunderstood. I was actually Agreeing with you – what you wrote at the end of that post 102 – about it being interesting and something to explore. I notice this is happening a lot lately btwn us – that my words are interpreted very differently from the way I meant them. I feel curious and kinda sad and frustrated about that.



  121.  #121Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Good evening everyone,

    I had a break between work and studying, so went to swim.. Answering everyone’s questions.

    SLV,

    #92: ‘Oh, yeah. I think so. What do you think?’

    I think that since I can’t change them, perhaps it’s a good idea to tweak my behavior so that they don’t run away immediately once they realize that I’m not a one-night/one-month project 😉 Don’t know.

    Turquoise,

    Yes, right, so far I wasn’t very excited about the men I went out with. I should say that in my 4 years in NY I was deeply and truly excited about one man. Sounds a bit depressing, right. He is the one I couldn’t forget for 2 years. He obviously didn’t have this problem lol. Even the guy who disappeared on me just recently – I liked him, but I wasn’t really that excited about him. Something was missing, but since I was alone for so long, I decided ‘to give it a chance’. Well, I learned a lot, so don’t regret it. Still, he was someone I could possibly ‘settle’ for, whereas 100 others were like ‘no way’. Sad, isn’t it.

    Lucy,

    Czech Republic is as eastern Europe as it can get 😉



  122.  #122Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Camile,

    Btw, I loved your text conversation with your guy.. I never ever sound this warm and open. Not that I don’t feel it inside. That’s what I mean – maybe they think I’m cold??



  123.  #123Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    I feel disconnected bc of it. 🙁 Now it is reminding me of some of my interactions with TN man before my inner shame was completely healed.

    He noticed that I would subtly (unconsciously) try to get him to shame me, and when he wouldn’t, I would find a way to feel shame from our interaction anyway. It was the “tapes” that kept wanting to play.

    So I would shut down and pull away from him, and he would wait for me to come back and see that he was still there loving me.



  124.  #124Daria on March 29, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Lg I feel do rxicted .!!7 I want a man whos lookin for the ine an only too! Um ecited. I realize I can ask that… Or just mention in ortalk about ir as part of my relationship. Fore9er after.



  125.  #125Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Angel Lady 96:

    I don’t know how to handle them being all feelings-y back at me. Only one does it at any length. He is kind of fem-energy anyway–very angsty, very clingy, wants me to call him He’s starting to get used to me talking that way now though, and so perhaps it’s making him feel more comfortable doing it himself. He seems to think I know what I’m doing (poor guy).

    Now, here’s a conundrum for me: how much do we tell the men we date about the tools we use and the philosophy? Is it like Fight Club? Where the first rule of Fight Club is no talking about Fight Club???? Because it seems to confuse them/irritate/piss them off initially, but if they stick around, then tend to get with the program and respond more masculine-ly. But are we not supposed to tell them??

    I told a guy friend (the previously mentioned Shawn), and he is irritated. He is particularly annoyed by “Date at least three, keep the focus on me, treat them all equally…” I explained, compliments of advice I got here on the blog, that so many women will meet the man halfway, lean forward, call them…only to have men do a Houdini or bail after sex. I told him that I, for one, am tired of making it easy on men to break my heart. I figure they can work for it a little. He actually understood that.

    I do struggle with Rori’s philosophy sometimes, but I am seeing the best value in allowing leaning back to separate the men from the boys. I do not want a boy. They reveal themselves very quickly. And save me tons of heartache.

    So a few feeling messages from a man who otherwise steps up is fine to me.



  126.  #126Daria on March 29, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Lg . That is so weird to me. Why do u like more than one man?

    Maybe I do too… But it kinda feels ick and scary

    And lonely and shameful
    And im gona be sick

    Hmmm

    Pkease tell me about your experience about this. Does it feel good?



  127.  #127Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Now I know how he felt. 🙁



  128.  #128turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    SLV, DEFINITELY invest in a few things that fit you exactly as you are now… don’t wait to get to where you want to be. You deserve to feel beautiful and alluring all the time, not just at your perfect weight. I used to feel that way too… but not anymore. I am who I am, and want to look and feel my best as often as possible. It doesn’t have to be expensive either…. I just found a coral/pink top at Target that I absolutely love, and it was $12! I have a handful of bracelets that I normally wear and get compliments on them often. If/when you get to your ideal weight, you can go on a shopping spree, but you still deserve to feel great, just the way you are. Even a new lipstick or purse… whatever makes you feel happy!

    I normally carry a pink purse, I love pink, and it shows. 🙂 I recently found a really cute Calvin Klein black winter coat on clearance, that is so slimming on me, I got it. 🙂 Threw a cute scarf around it, and totally brightened the last of my long winter days!

    I can’t wait to hear about what you find to perk you up! And you know what, I have an aunt who is 81, and she’s always been a big woman, but she dresses all in one color because it’s more slimming, wears beautiful colors, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in black, and she’s still stunning. 🙂 She routinely tells us that she was the prettiest girl in school, and that stuck with her all these years! (She’s never been humble)



  129.  #129Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Tinque, I’m so with you. The bigger the dude the better. I dated a man who was 6’6″ 250 lbs. He was kind of doofy, but I felt so safe and so protected with him. Yum.



  130.  #130turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Alonka,

    Hmmm…. I have a sister who is more reserved than I am, and sometimes I worry that she’ll come across as cold when she starts dating again. She’s really smart, attractive, hard working, and reserved. She was hurt a lot in her marriage, and just keeps so much inside. Even with me and our other sisters, she holds back. Even in writing a card, she can’t write I love you, she’ll sign it with love. I know she’s emotional, she loves my girls to pieces, is a huge animal lover, I think she’s just afraid of rejection, and has a wall up for protection. Do you feel any of those things?

    I read a tip once that when you answer the phone, to smile. People can hear it in your voice. I usually smile when I text, (if it’s happy anyways :)) so I hope that comes across in what I write as well.

    You can practice on us!

    Camile



  131.  #131Lisi on March 29, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Hey, everyone!

    Re — closure: One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that sometimes you have to let people misunderstand you. Explaining yourself doesn’t help, and it puts you in the position where you are trying to get something from them (ie — understanding).

    Your stronger position is to stand up straight, be who you are, and feel good about that. If they have questions, they can ask. But you’re not going to go begging or chasing to get their approval, understanding, or any such thing.

    Take me or leave me.

    Lisi



  132.  #132turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    I like big guys too…. and I’m only 5’2. I dated a 6’4 guy, and that was too tall, but anyone over 5’8 and well built…. yummy! I don’t do skinny guys, at all, ever.



  133.  #133luzydel on March 29, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Subscribing



  134.  #134turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Thanks Lisi.. that is good advice!



  135.  #135Lisi on March 29, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Given my recent riff, you might be surprised to know that M. and I didn’t actually break up. He said he didn’t want to be married to me and having his daughter coming home to someone who’s spirituality was “the opposite of” his and the girl’s mother. I answered that I felt the same way. I don’t want my daughter raised with his spirituality, as I see it as intolerant. I told him I’m communicating with him about what I need right now — what my needs for respect are today.

    I told him I’m not talking about a future with him, because I’m not making any long-range plans with him.

    He’s called and/or texted every day since. I’m still CD-ing, and still seeing him, which is fine with me.

    My riff was really more about me and where I’m at spirituality than it ever was about him, anyway.

    I like and enjoy him. Even though he’s not long-term guy, I’m feeling a sense of gratitude for that relationship. We’ve been seeing each other 6 months, and that has value. I’m just enjoying and appreciating what a gift that is. Not my long-term plan, but it is something.

    I’ve been running into Hot Atheist Scientist Musician Guy at the coffee shop on Wednesdays. I guess we’ll see if he’s there tomorrow.

    Every time I start to get nervous about it, I remind myself that he enjoys getting attention for me. He doesn’t get it for free, and he won’t get it if he doesn’t show up tomorrow.

    I am of value. There’s a reason he’ll want to see me.

    And, I will not go out of my way, contact him, Facebook him, or lean forward. He either steps up or loses out.

    How refreshing.

    Lisi



  136.  #136Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    My mom told me she never thought I would stick with one man… cuz I never did until my marriage. I was always the one who broke up.

    Umm, even my marriage ending — I was the one who called it quits….

    So I totally get the appeal of not being “stuck” with one man.

    However, I see in my parents’ 50+ year marriage a vision of something very very good that appeals to me too.

    They are not “stuck” — they are deeply thoroughly intimately interconnected vessels of love for one another.

    And now they are caring for one another in their old age.

    I want that.

    I don’t need to feel “stuck” or “limited” with one man.

    I can feel free and open within a lasting monogamous marriage/relationship.

    Why not?

    If I am at a banquet with everything I could possibly want in front of me, why would I need to leave and look for another banquet?

    Just my rambling thoughts, typed for my own exploration… not intended as an argument or anything else having to do with other people.



  137.  #137Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    turquoise and tinque – yeah, if you’re short, then sometimes anything over 6″2…weeeeelll…at least for me, I found that the “parts” don’t always connect efficiently. But I love the feeling of being held, mastered, even taken by a really big dude. But it sure helps when the Tab A aligns well with Slot B, ya know??

    TMI???



  138.  #138turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Yeah Tinque 🙂 Thank you, now my picture shows up 🙂



  139.  #139turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Boomer… lol, yeah I know what you mean. Being on top is my favorite, so it didn’t matter there, but flipped, my face would get practically smothered by his chest.

    My ex is 5’9. Was perfect, for dancing, sex, everything 🙂



  140.  #140Lisi on March 29, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    turquoise3

    It’s so funny, how taste works.

    I will date tall guys, but most of the guys I date are 5-8 to 5-10 — and I’m 5-8!

    And, I like them skinny. A little muscley is okay, but I’m not really into big guys.

    It helps me remember that my body, with its imperfections, is within “type” for some guys. Which is nice whenever I get feedback from some guy that he doesn’t find me attractive.

    Some of the stupid ones feel the need to say that kind of thing out loud. I have to feel sorry for them. It’s tough having Turret’s and being unable to control what you blurt out.

    Disclaimer: I’m not making fun of anyone who actually has Turret’s. I went to grade school with a kid who had it, and it was difficult for him.

    Lisi



  141.  #141Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    Lisi, I love that concept that misunderstanding being a good thing, a respectful thing. I never got that until Rori. I am still an explainer, but I am conscious of how it can imply that the other person is a moron even when you’re trying to be clear/helpful/thoughtful whatever. I am being much more quiet much more often. So hard for me…



  142.  #142Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    Lisi!!!!

    “Some of the stupid ones feel the need to say that kind of thing out loud. I have to feel sorry for them. It’s tough having Turret’s and being unable to control what you blurt out.”

    Yes, I have had more than a few men say something immediately upon meeting me stupid at best and hurtful at worst. A few faves:

    “Wow. You ARE short!”

    “Your hair is different than your picture. I like the picture better.”

    “You’re ‘fluffier’ than I thought you’d be.”

    And my personal favorite from a fairly unattractive man:

    “I’m sure you’re a nice person, but I’m just not as attracted to you as I thought I’d be.”

    And he left. But his hot friend JD came over and apologized for him, and I dated JD for a few weeks.

    I try to be so polite, even when a dude is just “coyote ugly,” but I guess not everyone’s mamas taught them manners!



  143.  #143Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Haha, Boomer! So, what ratio range do you think works for the parts to line up???

    I suppose I would have to take into account the fact that I have a long torso and short legs. My sister is two inches taller than me but we are the same height sitting down.

    Wait… Are you sure this is even an issue? I’m trying to get a mental picture here, and I’m thinking the heights shouldn’t actually matter. Am I missing something? Lol!



  144.  #144Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Turquoise, great to see your pic!!



  145.  #145Daria on March 29, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    I feel safe w hiys that atent smaryer than me I feel safe but not attracted.

    I feel safe to b feminine
    bur do nirmallyact masculine w tjem?

    Ifwll very free.. But u treat them like fruends

    I feek ewe to get wuth them.



  146.  #146Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Camile,

    You look so pretty 😉

    Thanks, yes, I do feel like your sister. But it’s not because I was hurt, I’ve always been like this. I save ‘love’ word for a real love and that is rear. Not intentionally, I just can’t say it without really feeling it 100%. That’s why when I told that guy how I felt about him and he was more in the mood – what is it that she wants from me – i felt so hurt that I just couldn’t put two words together.

    So on a first date even with him I felt ‘right’ and connected on many levels, and surprised, and softly excited, and the next morning when I woke up I suddenly remembered it again and it felt so right again and promising happy. Even with him I couldn’t possibly go home on the 1st date or tell him I loved him.



  147.  #147Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Daria…huh?



  148.  #148Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    Lisi,

    That was beautiful re:closure. That’s how I felt a couple months back too, just couldn’t be as articulate about it. I felt it was beneath me to discuss the matters further. I felt the desire to go and live the way I am and whatever I thought of him or of what happened was my business. Didn’t feel like sharing it with him.



  149.  #149Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    Lucy, I’m just darn short all around–short torso, short legs. So sometimes, yeah, I find my nose buried in chest hair or that I have to get up off my knees in sort of a runner’s lunge to ensure “connectivity.”

    Oh my.



  150.  #150Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    I had a boyfriend who asked me, “How come both your sisters are prettier than you?”

    Another boyfriend, after I left him, called me begging me to come back, and included these words: “My sister says you’re not even that pretty and I should just let you go, but I love you and want to be with you.”

    Wow, smooth.



  151.  #151Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    So IS the “Rori Way” like Fight Club???

    Can we talk about it? Can we tell them what we’re doing?

    The Rules don’t allow you to share The Rules.

    What do you all do? Do you give away the secrets? Explain why you don’t call the boy, why you don’t pay for dates, why you don’t cook for him on the fifth date? I’ve been surprised how very very very men realllllyyy want us to “meet them halfway” and how irritated or incredulous they are when we will not. So, how do we..or do we… explain it to them???



  152.  #152Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Very Very Very MUCH…



  153.  #153Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    SLV,

    I was as Bebe store briefly on the way home and there was a lady there that made me think of you 😉 She was dressed very classy and sexy. Nothing unusual or pretentious, it just fit together very well. She had a V-neck sweater on with a contrasting color camisole under it, so you could see a little triangle. It was white btw, not your usual black. She was buying and all-lace summer top (with sleaves) that they had on display above a contrasting camisole as well. They had white and black lace and she was buying the white one. I think that lace always looks irresistibly feminine, not sure what’s your take on this 😉

    I have a friend who always wears a little scarf tied to her purse. Different colors. She’s way older than you are and this small detail makes her look so youthful.



  154.  #154luzydel on March 29, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    I understand the cd thing, but I also enjoy being alone sometimes. I have my weekends off after my son goed to his dad. I like stay in my pj’s and watch foreign movies saturday nights 🙂 all by myself.

    I am practicing on the real world (sort of speak) I tend to avoif men who “check” me out, now I look back and smile and if they say hello I say hello :).

    Talking to some people, but not in a rush to be asked on a date. I am liking this vibe of non desperate and I am all that. I have to paint my toe nails soon !!!



  155.  #155Darling Ella on March 29, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Boomer:

    No, Rori does not encourage us to share about our tools …

    I am a romantic…so my answers as to why I don’t call or pursue a man…is because it takes away the romance out of the relationship…I also empower them…by sharing…”I learned that men always do what they want…if they don’t pursue me…is because they don’t want to…it feels very unfeminine to me to pursue a man…I feel turned off when a man wants to be pursued…etc…”

    lol



  156.  #156Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Hmm, now I feel very curious! I wonder how tall a guy would have to be for me to have a connectivity problem??? I actually cannot even picture it. Interesting….



  157.  #157Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    OK, so this feels weird and disconcerting: I have had seven men ask for my time this weekend. I tell them when I am free, but none of them is following up to firm up plans. And now I can’t remember who asked for what. I am feeling afraid that I am going to end up with a wide-open weekend because no one is confirming and because I can’t remember who I said what to.

    Uh oh.

    Oh well, I’ll go out dancing and go read comics at the bookstore and just CD me this weekend!!! I feel good about not really caring. I feel amused by it all.

    On the other hand, I get two days in two weeks to date and meet men, so….dang-it! Come on, men, get busy and firm up my weekend!!!



  158.  #158Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    I just had a good first phone conversation with a potential CD.

    Not someone I will fall for uncontrollably, but someone I can possibly ‘be’ with. Someone I will respect.

    Crazy to say this after a 20-min first conversation, isn’t it 😉



  159.  #159Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Lucy,

    #150 That’s a winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  160.  #160Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Darling Ella: So good to see you again, my dear!!!

    Thanks for the insight. I suspected we were not supposed to divulge too much to men.

    Have the rest of you had any feedback from the men who get a glimpse into why you’re doing what you’re doing or what your philosophy is?



  161.  #161Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Boomer,

    Yes, I lived in Toronto for 7 years and can say it’s a terrific place. Unbelievably comfortable place to live. My parents live there.



  162.  #162Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    “Can we talk about it? Can we tell them what we’re doing?” (Boomer)

    In my view, I’m just doing what makes sense and what feels good to me, so there’s not really anything to “tell” or “not tell.”

    Yeah, I learned the various things from Rori, but I’m not doing them in order to “follow a program” — I’m doing them bc *I* want to, bc they make sense, bc they feel good, etc.

    In other words, when you’ve made the tools your own, you are doing them for your own reasons — and that’s what you can share if you want.

    E.g., “It feels better to me this way” etc.



  163.  #163Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    Lucy – LOL!!!

    I find anyone over 6’2″ with long legs means a disconnect. Hee. I’m game for trying it out.

    When I was a kid and saw the first Conan the Barbarian movie (I think I was 14), I was mesmerized at the scene where Conan, ummm…”takes” the witch woman. He picks her up and just…BAM! Slams her down on his…manhood. Teehee, I’m trying not to giggle. Anyway, I said then, “Oh yeah. I wanna have a man do THAT to me!” And I think my fixation on big, big men was cemented then and there!

    Oh, definitely TMI that time!



  164.  #164Darling Ella on March 29, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Boomer:

    It feels awesome to see u again too darling 🙂

    Well, I haven’t dated anyone for too long to ask questions as such…so far, they don’t know what hit them…:)

    I sure enjoy the scenery 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  165.  #165Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    I have a good one too actually. I was not criticized by my boyfriends (except that I’m blond), but my FATHER used to say: it won’t be easy for you to get married. You are not very pretty. Your this friend or that friend – they are really pretty. Next to them a guy would ‘lose’ you. Plus most men like slim sporty figures, like your Mom’s, but you got these feminine features good for child breeding, but not attractive to most men (he meant my D-cups). But don’t lose hope, there are some modest guys who are afraid of beautiful girls, they will ask you out.



  166.  #166Darling Ella on March 29, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Alonka:

    Wow, that would feel awful to have it said by my father 🙁

    I sure hope u healed that part of u…

    Warm hugs,



  167.  #167turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Thanks Alonka 🙂 I just added some more pictures to my POF profile. I think the truth of it is, just like you said with the 20 min. convo…. when you meet someone to be excited about, you will, and then you’ll seem all warm and open 🙂 Maybe it just takes you a little while to open up? I’m an open book, too open, I should practice holding back.

    Ladies, I just had a 61 year old guy email me on POF to tell me that if I got my italian nose fixed, to give him a call! I couldn’t believe it, like I’d even be interested in a 61 year old! I wrote back and told him how rude that was and that EVEN IF he learned to use the spell and grammar check, I STILL wouldn’t call him. I hate profiles with a bunch of typos…

    Tom recently said to me… Wow, you really are short. Well duh, you’ve been dating me for 2 months, I’ve been barefoot many times around you…. you just noticed this now???

    🙂



  168.  #168Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Boomer, as far as feedback from men… I have never had a man question why I was doing these things. I think that is bc I let the concepts become a part of me, rather than something I am “doing.” So they just see it as the way I am.

    TN man and I have discussed things a bit more directly, and he is in agreement with pretty much everything Rori teaches. He doesn’t think the “tools” should be necessary — women ideally would do these things naturally and with internal motivation — but he agrees with the mindset behind the tools.



  169.  #169luzydel on March 29, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    157: Boomer

    That happened to me when I was cding like crazy past November-December lol I forgot the name of one guy and I had to go to the ladys room and check my email in the cell phone his name was Matt I wont forget that now lol. I was feeling overwhelmed and I slowed down. Like I said before, my heavy CDing stage is over, now is about quality and about loving myself and setting boundaries. Men are everywhere to practice really. yesterday at the coffee place I had a nice convo with a guy for a few minutes, It felt like a short date…sort of lol



  170.  #170Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    I can’t keep all the men straight! I need a chart!

    I’m double-booked for Friday and did not mean to be. Oh shoot. Help!



  171.  #171turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    OMG ALonka, I can’t believe your father said that to you! I have a brother that made some not too nice comments about my gaining weight, but nothing like that. I know that must have been so horrible.

    I know lots of men who LOVE d-cups and blonde hair 🙂



  172.  #172Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    “…if I got my italian nose fixed, to give him a call!” (T3)

    WHAT????!!! *shakes head in disbelief*

    I have an Irish nose that I’ve considered getting “fixed.” I used to think it was from my Greek heritage, until I gazed at my Irish grandfather’s dying face and saw that he had the same nose.

    I must admit, I do sometimes worry about men from online being surprised when they see it — bc I don’t have any side-views on my profile.



  173.  #173Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    Alonka, baby doll, how horrible that your daddy said that. I hope you can/have forgiven him. I know kinda how you feel…my dad was not a warm guy, and he never said anything like that, but he would make comments about my weight and say I was too much like a man to attract a man (hmmm..maybe he was on to something) because I was so ambitious. He laughed at me when I said I wanted to go to law school.

    Anyway, just because our parents are/were our parents does not make them all-knowing or right. I tell my own teenagers that often: I have my point of view and I want what’s best for you, but you are your own person and I love you and support you no matter what!



  174.  #174Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    “…my heavy CDing stage is over, now is about quality and about loving myself and setting boundaries.” (Luzydel)

    me too.



  175.  #175Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Luzydel, thanks. Yeah, I’m overbooked and overwhelmed. In the last two weeks, I have been contacted (emailed) by over 50 men on Match. It was a wasteland for weeks and then BOOM for Boomer!

    I get only two days every two weeks to myself. And three hours on Wednesday evenings. It’s all so overwhelming to try to fit men in and still see friends and CD me. I am even willing now to get a sitter for a few hours on nights when I have the kids, but now I am getting into the spring cycle of my kids’ baseball games, soccer games, etc. Forget ever getting to the gym myself again! I am so…overextended!

    And I’m actually LIKING all of these guys too. That’s a first.



  176.  #176Lisi on March 29, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    From when I was little, my mother used to tell people to pick up my sister and me, who weighed the same.

    She told them I weighed the same, but I just “felt” heavier.

    She went on and on about it.

    Then, she went on and on about how I was overweight, unattractive, etc….

    When I was in high school, she told me, “I think he got here, saw your behind in that swimming suit, and chose to date the other girl.”

    Yeah — that was a constant theme. He won’t like you cuz you’re fat.

    I look back now at my childhood photos and am amazed. My sister had a smaller bone structure than I and was therefore smaller, but neither of us is overweight.

    Turns out Ole Ma was fulla shite.

    And — I have finally learned that the guys not liking me was not cuz I was the wrong body shape, or too smart (her other fave), but because I lacked confidence.

    I didn’t feel attractive. Gosh. Wonder why.

    But, when I feel attractive, I have an easy time attracting men. Which is what CD-ing does for me.

    Gotta go, Goddesses!

    Smooches

    Lisi



  177.  #177Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    DE, Turquoise,

    Thanks, I’m fine 😉 My father and I were always very close, so when he expressed his true feelings about my appearance I believed him 😉 In a way this helped me not to source my power from the way I looked (or didn’t).

    The only drawback was that when some guys said hurtful things to me I still thought that deep down they loved me, because I knew my father did.



  178.  #178Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    “I find anyone over 6’2″ with long legs means a disconnect.” (Boomer)

    Man, now I am SO curious about WH!!!! DRAT. I wanna know! Lol. He is 6’1″ with long legs. I am 5’4″ with short legs.

    Boomer, can you do the math for me? (I don’t know how tall you are, with your 6’2″ limit.)

    I didn’t realize there was more than one way in which size matters.



  179.  #179Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    I’m following a program to get a husband and there are rules I have to follow to get you to do stuff.

    I am circular dating and you are one of my options.

    I am following the CD program and the Rori rules.

    You can be number two in my circular dating rotation and I treat all my men the same.

    I don’t want just one man before I am married so I’m circular dating to keep my options open.

    I’m not allowed to pay for any dates because the rules are it’s not feminine and you have you pay for everything.

    I’m not allowed to call you on the telephone so that you will call me and talk to me.

    You have to call me first because you are the man.

    I’m old-fashioned.

    I feel like you.

    I feel your mother.



  180.  #180Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    I am doing it…I am making a chart of the men. Name, qualifying charaxteristics, where I “met” him, what day he asked to see me, whether he has confirmed with me.

    Hahahaha! What a problem to have, huh?

    Oh wow.



  181.  #181Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Turquoise, this guy on POF probably knows that he can only get your attention by making a rude joke.

    Don’t worry, he learned it a hard way 😉



  182.  #182Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    You are part of my circular dating and I’m going out with you for therapy.



  183.  #183turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    LOL Lucy…. I don’t think leg length matters as much as torso, unless you are standing up. I’d say it’s fine unless they are more than a foot taller… Tom was 10 inches taller than me, that was fine. Most of my guys have been around 6′. This new guy is 6’2. Of it gets that far, I’ll let you know! 🙂



  184.  #184Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    SLV…point taken. Couldn’t you just say so nicely?? Geez, now I feel like a total idiot for even asking if we can talk about it.

    But really, said that way, it DOES seem manipulative, doesn’t it?



  185.  #185Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    Boomer, I never made a chart bc I wanted to just stay in the moment. It’s easy to stay unattached to the outcome if you don’t even remember what/who your potential outcomes are. 😉

    But I know several Sirens have made charts and felt good about it. Good luck!



  186.  #186Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    Lucy – I’m 5’0″, so any man over about 6’0″ poses a challenge. Good thing I used to be a gymnast and am still quite nimble 🙂



  187.  #187Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    @175: Boomer says:
    “…Luzydel, thanks. Yeah, I’m overbooked and overwhelmed. In the last two weeks, I have been contacted (emailed) by over 50 men on Match. It was a wasteland for weeks and then BOOM for Boomer!…”

    If I had that many in a year that would be a “boomer” year for me! 😀

    I must make my one per week count…if I get one per week.

    xoxo
    SLV



  188.  #188Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    I realize now why no man has asked for Saturday night…the NCAA basketball tournament – Kentucky vs. UCONN.

    Ha! Makes sense now. I guess that’s the night I go dance with Annie Clyde!



  189.  #189Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Turquoise, haha! Yes, keep me posted!

    I think Brenda and I should take a train out there to visit you some time.



  190.  #190Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    @184: Boomer says:
    “…SLV…point taken. Couldn’t you just say so nicely?? …”

    Not directed at you. Weren’t those all nice? I was writing them out. Can’t recall all I’ve seen. I have seen most of those, or similar, used by posters to the men they were dating! Trying to remember them. Lots more “feeling messages.”

    Have you ever read PUA routines? I’m pretty sure the guys do not tell the targets anything.

    xoxo
    SLV



  191.  #191Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    OK, I know I’m dominating the blog tonight. I have time and I have energy (rare). I feel like I had caffeine, but I did not.

    Hot Bald Trainer Buff dude called. Oh, he is intriguing. He’s the one I wrote to today expressing my fear that I am too “not buff enough” for him. We had a lovely conversation, we laughed a lot, and only at the end when he asked to see me this weekend sometime (no committed time though–why do they all do that?), did he mention that he LOVES curvy women with softness and does not really like hardbody types. Yay me!

    I have had my feelings hurt so much in the last several years being told by men that I am beautiful, exciting, intelligent, awesome…but that my excess weight is unattractive to them. So I guess I made a pre-emptive strike with BuffAndBald. He said he understood though–he OWNS a personal training gym and posts very buff pics of himself, so he could see how it could be intimidating to a non-hardbody. He said he was touched by my openness and vulnerability.

    So..again…yay me. It was good practice sharing my feelings. I have no regrets writing that to him.



  192.  #192Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    SLV, what is a PUA routine??????



  193.  #193Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Well adding to the size discussion, my recent experience with 6’4 and 6’2 guys was a bit disappointing.. like wondering why most parts of their bodies are big, but not all parts.. I’m a bit under 5’6.



  194.  #194Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Lucy, I will try to stay as in the moment as I can…with my chart 😉

    I am not attached to outcomes. But I will likely track them in my chart.

    Oh, I know me!

    You sirens are all awesome. I love the vibe on the blog tonight. Relaxed, fun, sassy! We rock!



  195.  #195Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    @184: Boomer says:
    “….total idiot for even asking if we can talk about it…”

    I think you can talk about it. I was writing out what came to mind. I think it all depends upon what you say. Whether we are being ourselves or following cast in iron rules. If we are doing things that are “us” I think we can talk about it and maybe should talk about it.

    I would not want to follow a “rule” that was fake for me. Guidelines can be tweaked to make them “me.” I think….

    xoxo
    SLV



  196.  #196Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    My date from Sat night just called. So this one didn’t run away.



  197.  #197Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Yep, Alonka, I have learned that big feet often only means big shoes 🙁

    I am not a “size queen,” and do not care much about that…why have the last several been…teeny???

    Did I just say that???



  198.  #198laughing goddess on March 29, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    126: Daria says:

    Lg . That is so weird to me. Why do u like more than one man?

    Maybe I do too… But it kinda feels ick and scary

    And lonely and shameful
    And im gona be sick

    Hmmm

    Pkease tell me about your experience about this. Does it feel good?

    ******
    Right now it does feel good. I’m exploring it and getting clear on what I want and I’m open to my preference changing at some point.

    i know that I do want to be in a healthy, loving relationship but I’m not attached to it being with one man for the rest of my life.

    At some point I may feel more drawn to that. As I feel more and more comfortable with LI, I feel more open to the possibility.

    I guess that’s it. I feel open to being with one man and I also feel open to having a few different long term partners…not at the same time, but over there course of my life.

    Not that it really matters but that is how I see it working out for many people anyway.

    I just feel open to many different possibilities right now.

    One thing I know for sure is that I like having a lover around right now and that I usually do. I don’t need one to feel happy but it’s a nice addition to my life.

    I feel unsure whether this has anything to do with it but my venus is in gemini astrologically and we are know for liking variety on our romantic relationships. I totally resonate with that.

    I enjoy sexual exclusivity. In fact, its my preference yet I am a huge flirt and I can’t help but connect with men even when I am in a relationship.

    Not in a scandalous way at all. More of a heart connection. Many of my guy friends I could see myself having a happy relationship with.

    I’m exploring here. It feels good. Thanks for asking.

    oh, also I believe that i have a universal divine lover who can physically manifest into whatever form he wants. Sort of like being in love with god and I can see him within the hearts and souls of many different men and I like to explore the different personalities of men.

    At the same time, I am starting to feel more comfortable with the idea of being with one man for the rest of my life. Yet I would feel okay with moving on if thats what it came to. I’m sure I would be heartbroken for a while but eventually I would feel excited. I love men in all their many forms!



  199.  #199Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    I love this from Saturday Night Live, a Weekend Update exchange during “Really!?! With Seth & Amy.”

    Amy: “There are terrorists to catch… and besides guys, ladies don’t care about penis size unless it’s really big or really small.”

    Seth: “Really?”

    Amy: “Really. I told you that before.” Seth (looking at the crowd)”

    This is so true!



  200.  #200Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    @191: Boomer says:
    “… (no committed time though–why do they all do that?)…”

    Any ideas with dealing with that. I must be insane but I like a date to be a “date” with date, time and where he’s offering to take me… Is this too much to expect. I know people, even girlfriends do this…

    I don’t like to be left hanging… is this too much to expect more?

    xoxo
    SLV



  201.  #201Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Boomer,

    #199: 😉 😉



  202.  #202Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    @Boomer

    P.U.A. = Pick up artist

    Check out some of the sites or sign up for the newsletters. If you haven’t, it’s eye-opening. I have a male alter ego. hahaha 😀

    The real me is … here … me.

    xoxo
    SLV



  203.  #203Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    Mel, LD, Lillybelle, Boomer, Tinque, Meemee, SLV and anyone else I might have missed thanks again for all your best wishes and prayers. My dad is still in the ICU because there were some unexpected things during the surgery so it took a bit longer. He is still on the respirator and might be for another 24 hours but he was responsive, opened his eyes and moved his body parts. We asked him a couple of questions and he responded by bowing or shaking his head. His BP was high but had come down a bit before we left the hospital. He is expected to be in ICU for the whole day tomorrow because he also has a heart condition and they want to monitor his status for a while.

    I really appreciate all the good wishes and want to say a heart felt thank you to all.



  204.  #204Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    @197: Boomer says:

    “…teeny..”

    My girlfriends and I used to call them “minor men.” Maybe that was not so nice. Now, I think I don’t even care. On the other hand,,, maybe I do… Oh, I’ll take whatever’s there.

    xoxo
    SLV



  205.  #205Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    SLV, yeah, I’m thinking of asking men to suggest a firm date and time. I told one guy, “my dance card fills up fast,” when he could not commit to Friday night (again with the Friday night!).

    He called the next day and said he was free now Friday, to which I said, “Ah, alas, now I am not.”

    He said, “The dance card?”

    And I replied…”Yes, the dance card.”

    He is scrambling now to get on my calendar 🙂

    High. Degree. of. Difficulty. And all unintentionally.

    Yeah!



  206.  #206turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    LOL… oh I love the vibe tonight too.. feels so good to be laughing as I read and type. I agree.. height doesn’t always matter, and I prefer someone a little larger, but can work with it, for the most part.

    Yeah Alonka, glad he called 🙂 🙂 🙂



  207.  #207turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Oh FW, I’m so glad to hear that! Keep us posted on his recovery. Thoughts and prayers go out to all of your family tonight! We miss you here, come back when you can!



  208.  #208laughing goddess on March 29, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Here is a description of venus in gemini which I really relate to.

    I feel uncomfortable about the beginning because I do relate yet its a completely masculine way to attract a person. I’m working on that part 🙂

    Venus in Gemini

    Venus in Gemini people will try to win over the object of their affection with witty conversation, displaying just how much they “know”, and demonstrating their diverse interests. These lovers are playful—some might even call them a tease. They are hard to pin down, and they resist relationships that promise to become too “comfortable”. Even those with their Sun in Taurus or Cancer, whose outward demeanor may suggest some reserve and caution, will want their relationships to be stimulating and full of conversation with Venus in Gemini.
    Venus in Gemini men and women don’t want to be tied or bogged down in their relationships. They appreciate lightheartedness in love. Although they are willing to talk (perhaps endlessly) about the relationship, you may get the feeling that they gloss over some of the deeper issues. In love, their tastes change often, and it can be hard to know what to expect from one day to the next (or, sometimes, from one hour to the next!).

    Pleasing Venus in Gemini involves supporting their need for fun and variety, showing interest in their brainpower and knowledge, and giving them space for friends and activities outside of the relationship. Let them know just how much fun you have with them. Try not to get overly miffed by Venus in Gemini’s changeable, fickle ways. Remember that time spent with your lover will be exciting and invigorating.



  209.  #209Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    @203: Femininewoman

    I’m happy to hear things are going well.

    xoxo
    SLV



  210.  #210Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    SLV, NO way!!!! Tell me one of the sites! I want to be a Pick-Up Artist too!!!!

    Hey, where are Jacqueline and Prairie and Ella and all the others…we need them to come on down and have a beer with us here on the blog tonight!

    FW…I’m glad your dad is communicative. I know this is a hard time. We’re here for you!!!



  211.  #211Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    FW,

    That’s fantastic!!!!!!!! I’m soooooo happy to hear that !!



  212.  #212laughing goddess on March 29, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    oooh I feel weird about dominating the blog with my astrology stuff yet I just found this description of venus in gemini that i really relate to. Sorry ladies if this is off topic.

    hose with Venus in GEMINI love in a light hearted way and have a lovely sparkling quality about them. The type is generally social, witty, clever and fun to have around. In many ways they are like the social butterfly flitting from flower to flower. Still, Venus in Gemini have been accused of being incorrigible flirts, because they enjoy the company of others so much. In love, they are more interested in the intelligence of a person, and they are usually attracted to those who like to communicate and like phone calls, cards and love letters.

    Venus in Gemini loves language and the written word and they also love to share their thoughts with others. This may be the placement of someone who enjoys reading romance novels, who are inclined to talk about other people’s relationships, and have a penchant for matchmaking. Gemini enjoys variety and movement in their relationship and their flexibility keeps them youthful and fresh. Lovers have to be interesting, and have the desire to learn new things. Intelligence might be on their top list of qualities of what they are looking for in a partner. Someone who never talks, surprises them, or asks questions can leave them feeling bored and restless.

    Others may consider them to be superficial and inconsistent and being a dualistic sign sometimes they do have more than one lover. However, if there are planets in water signs and/or earth signs it tends to balance out this flirtatious tendency. Gemini hates possessiveness and they need a social-life and these people love lightly, and need a variety of contacts in order to satisfy their intense curiosity about people. Venus in Gemini wants to be friends with everyone and they are charming, witty, and make delightful companions as long as you don’t try to clip their wings.

    The Venus in Gemini person relates to other people in a very open, friendly way. They are naturally attracted to anyone who symbolises new experiences or knowledge. Because they are open to all the possibilities of life, they are open to, and accepting of, the differences in all people. They are colour blind, so to speak. They are able to relate to people in a very free way devoid of prejudice. They are quite skilled at drawing people out of themselves. By Jeff Green, Pluto Volume Two

    Venus in Gemini seeks a multitude of friendships, cultural activities and travelling with loved ones. Sometimes a youthful partner is sought, and someone who shares their love of lively conversations, enjoys playing games, and keeps all social situations ‘light’.



  213.  #213turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Ok, so I texted Hottravelguy…..

    Me: Hi Larry. Hope you had a good day. My babysitter is available Sunday if you’d like to get together then. 🙂

    HTG: Great! I was just going to text you. Day was busy, got to do some yard work after work. Just watching a movie tonight. Hope you got every bit of energy out of that sun today. I would have loved to see those smiles.

    Me: Aww…. you are sweet. I’d love to see your smile too. What are you watching? I’m just checking email.

    HTG:I just got Invictus from Netflix.

    Me: hmmm… haven’t seen it. Good?

    HTG: A little so, but I thought I better brush up on some history if I am going to South Africa.

    Me: I think that is a great idea 😉

    Hhhmmmmm…… I went from a guy who barely communicated when we weren’t together, to one who says the sweetest things 🙂 I hope we have chemistry!!!!!



  214.  #214Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    @208: laughing goddess says:
    “…Venus in Gemini…”

    I have no idea what his means! I only know my “sign” which I guess is sun sign = “gemini” and I think on or near the cusp with Cancer which is probably not much help for a real astrological reading. How did you find out these things? I’m not a true believer, but curious.

    xoxo
    SLV



  215.  #215Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Boomer,

    Just google it. You will find a lot 😉



  216.  #216laughing goddess on March 29, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    Here is one more. I think this describes me better than I can describe myself

    Gemini
    In Gemini, Venus generates a need for a variety of experiences. You have a curiosity about people. You can become a social butterfly and something of a flirt. Open and friendly, your wit and conversational ability attract people with agile minds and keen intellects.

    Your restless and fickle nature inclines toward much travel and change of surroundings. A delightful sort of charm and expressiveness works well for you, if you can avoid a tendency to become a little bit superficial socially. You want to taste all that life has to offer. You find it especially hard to settle down to just one romantic relationship, preferring to make friends with everyone you meet.

    You have an excitable child-like attitude toward romance, approaching affairs with optimism and high-expectations. Yet encounters may be many and brief before you finally settle down. You are easily bored and it is hard to capture you romantic attention for long periods of time. Change and excitement is the spice of your love life, and a partner that doesn’t understand this won’t be around long.

    Mental stimulation the simple joy of being together is an absolute must for any relationship to have a chance of becoming permanent. With Venus in Gemini, you may not be able to be tied down too tightly. If you marry too young or to someone who is possessive, you may have serious problems. Your partner must understand your need for variety in social matters. After you marry and settle down, you may still need a variety of friends and social contacts.



  217.  #217turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    And now he just asked about Chloe’s jaw, it was bothering her last night while I was on the phone with him. Nice 🙂



  218.  #218laughing goddess on March 29, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    SLV: I’m not a 100% true believer either yet when I read things like this that totally resonate, I cant help but wonder.

    To find out where your venus is placed, you have to have some more specific details than just your birthdate. You might have to know exact time and location. I’ll do some more research on that and let you know.

    Venus is supposedly how we relate in love.

    I’ll be back with more info shortly.



  219.  #219turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Boomer…. 205, LOVE it!!!! 🙂 I’m using that next time for sure. Love the degree of difficulty 🙂 I really need to work on mine. I’m easily swayed.



  220.  #220Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    @Boomer says:
    “…Tell me one of the sites! I want to be a Pick-Up Artist too!!!…”

    I signed up to a bunch of stuff last summer. I haven’t checked my boy e-mail in a couple of months. i think I’ll go do that. Are you going to be around for a while?

    You can always check out David DeAngelo, he’s pretty mild.

    I’ll see what I can find. I was kind of turned off and didn’t read most of the stuff. I’ll check my accounts now…

    xoxo
    SLV



  221.  #221Violet on March 29, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    I feel lonely. I feel like I’m putting out the wrong vibe because I don’t have any men asking me to go out.

    I feel like something is wrong with me, otherwise I would have men asking me out.

    I feel like I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. I’m trying to be okay with that.

    I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of feeling lonely. I’m tired of being tired.

    I don’t know what to do about any of this. I feel too tired to care. I feel like I care too much.

    All I can do anymore is hold tight to God and let Him lead the way.



  222.  #222Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Boomer I realize several people have responded to your message but just wanted to put in a few cents. I have listened to a coach on an interview who suggested never commenting on a guy’s physique on a first date. She suggests that guys see it as you coming on to them and she suggests that you complement gadgets, watches and shoes but never say anything about their body. Apparently that is something guys do. She also suggests that it innoculates you from rejection when you complement something they are wearing or their gadgets.

    The other thing that came to mind is that CCarter always say that as women we make the mistake of overlooking the fact that guys are all about how they FEEL when they are with us. The body size and things we focus on are secondary for they guys. I see lillybelle gave a great example of her friend who guys find attractive because of her vibe. Reading your email I have to say that I felt that you might have lowered yourself in that guys eyes because it kind of came over to me as you comparing yourself to him and finding yourself wanting. He might have expressed himself that way because that is the language he speaks. In my eyes the juice would be in how sireny you could be in his presence so that he is on his hands and knees crawling because of how you make him feel despite your size.



  223.  #223tinque on March 29, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Boomer – “Tab A aligns well with Slot B,”

    Sorry not a problem. All lines up beautifully, but I guess it helps we both do ballet. And spooning, couldn’t fit any better.

    xxoo



  224.  #224Laughing Goddess on March 29, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    How to find your Venus sign

    http://www.cafeastrology.com/venussignstables.html

    this site has a lit of great articles too once you figure out what you sign is.

    Please let us know if you resonate with the description SLV!



  225.  #225Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Alonka what your father said to you might have been accepted by your little girl as true about herself and incorporated as a belief about yourself. Funny how our parents can unconsciously set off a string of events in our lives by what they say to us. I want to encourage you to find things you want to say about yourself to yourself and look in the mirror while saying it. I am sure your dad must have meant well just didn’t know how to express himself with the knowledge that the little girl will understand it with her young mind.



  226.  #226Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    turquoise3 Some guys will like to talk on the phone but what you don’t want is a telephone Romeo either. Believe me, you could get sucked into an imaginary relationship on the phone.



  227.  #227Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    @Boomer

    Richard La Ruina (AKA Gambler)
    http://www.puatraining.com/

    “I became noted for the quality of the girls I seduced.”
    “guys want step by step tactics and what to do at every stage.”
    “the program used advance NLP and hypnosis.”
    “close your first model…”

    [a satisfied customer]
    “If it wasn’t for the boot camp I would still be a virgin…”

    There are lots of others.

    xoxo
    SLV



  228.  #228tinque on March 29, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    And I guess I just don’t mind face in chest. It’s not like he totally lays on top of me. Too much.

    xxoo



  229.  #229Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    Camile,

    #213: Sounds great! Just please beware that before my ex got to know me well, closer, I was bombarded with communications. I got them in the mornings, at work, if I told him i had 15 mins between work and meeting with friends, he wanted to call me during those 15 mins.

    It all stopped the morning I left his apartment 🙂



  230.  #230Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Email from Rori

    Are you chasing after a man and don’t even know it?

    I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man drift away. Every single one of us women instinctively want to go run after a man, grab him and thrown him to the ground, rather than let him get away. We know we’re not supposed to be chasing after him, and yet it’s so hard not to. In this new, modern era, we’re all confused. We all get the lines between friendship and romance blurred.

    We think being “friendly” is the same as showing interest in a man. We’re taught to think that reaching out to a man is necessary. We are taught to think that if we act “casual” a man won’t notice that we’re actually chasing him. But, the truth is, we are.

    If we’re feeling just “friendly,” if we really don’t feel attracted to, or interested, in a man, then WHATEVER WE DO, our “vibe” will be just “friendly.”

    But, if we actually ARE attracted to a man, if we ARE interested in him in a romantic way, and then we try to ACT “friendly” – it’s going to come off as fake. It’s going to come across to him as inauthentic. It’s going to come across to him like chasing.

    And, it’s going to make him feel all kinds of things — but none of those things will be what you want him to feel — attraction for you.

    Here are some things we may think of as “friendly,” that are actually CHASING a man:

    1. Calling him up.

    This includes calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to or – anything at all.

    This includes calling him to ask him why he hasn’t called you. This includes calling him to tell him you’re upset that you haven’t heard from him. This includes calling him to give him directions to your home or answering any question he hasn’t specifically asked, or giving him any information he hasn’t specifically asked for, or offering anything.

    This does NOT include: You’re having a problem or an emergency, and you can’t reach a friend or a relative, and you’ve been dating him long enough that he’s started “future-talking” about things he’d like to do with you and places he’d like to go with you, and you need his help.

    Don’t be afraid of appearing weak. If you need something — something of course that has nothing to do with the relationship — don’t be afraid to ask. This is what being a girl is all about.

    2. E-mailing him, texting him, facebooking him, writing him, sending him a cute card, dropping by his house, dropping by his gym, calling up his friend, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.

    3. Making suggestions, making plans and then inviting him to come and join you, offering to drive to him, offering to drive on the date, offering to put him up for the night on your couch, or in your bed…

    …Offering to cook for him, initiating sex, initiating affection (in any way other than smiling with an open heart and body), initiating the “talk” about “where the relationship is going,” getting anything having to do with the relationship “started”…

    …Creating a “special occasion,” sending him anything (pictures, mementos, ideas), thinking out loud to him about things you can do together, telling him about things you can do together, and creating things to do together…

    …Or, in any way, acting like the social director of the relationship.

    4. Asking him how he “feels.”

    This includes, especially, asking him how he feels about “you,” or the “relationship.”

    These are things we do almost without even thinking about it. These are things that feel natural to us. It feels almost weird and unnatural to not do these things. It feels like we’re not being “nice.” It feels like we’re not being “friendly.” It feels like we’re going to lose him by not letting him know we’re “interested” in him. It feels like we’re just letting him slip through our fingers.

    AND, NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

    Everything on this list is the same as putting a sign on your chest that says “Needy.” It smacks of desperation. And, it’s just plain not attractive to him.

    He may LIKE it. He may go along with it. He may be flattered. He may have no one else around and so he’ll date you. He may even come to like you very much. You may even end up in a relationship with him.

    But, you will never know how he really feels about you.

    As long as YOU’RE the one running the show, he may follow, but he’ll never feel inspired.

    And, you will never feel adored.

    This is the point where you will find yourself up late at night crying and wondering why he doesn’t want to commit to you.

    The total, complete opposite of this is being a Modern Siren.

    A Siren will lure a man to her without doing any of those things that so many of us think are so necessary to do.

    A Siren inspires a man to chase her because of how SHE feels about herself.

    A Siren not only knows how to magnetically attract a man to chase HER, but can LET a man chase her.

    A Siren knows how to receive what a man wants to give her — which is everything.

    A Siren expresses herself in words and with her body language so that a man can FEEL her down to his toes.

    Being in the presence of a woman who can feel her feelings — no matter what they are — makes a man feel both real and safe — all at the same time.

    It feels utterly magical to him.

    Being a Siren is about luring a man. About allowing him to chase her without being “passive” or “powerless.”

    If you’d like to know exactly what to DO and SAY in order to embody those Siren qualities I just mentioned, try my Modern Siren program.

    You’ll learn exactly how to BE around a man so that he feels utterly mesmerized and attracted, without you having to do any chasing, pursuing, calling, cajoling or enticing.

    It’s a very authentic and feminine way of being, and it is exactly what attracts a man and tugs at his heart.

    If you’re doing any of those things on the “Chasing List” in this eletter – know that these things are FILLED with a sense of “neediness” that just knocks all the attraction out of a man.

    Doing these things – even though they seem friendly and nice and “modern” – are anything BUT – they are things that always have, and will always NOT, work to attract a man.

    In fact, the truth is that even THINKING these things – and somehow holding on to believing that these things are good things to do – will not only not work for you – thinking these things will work AGAINST you.

    So, if you can’t do those things — what do you do?

    I really want you to know that there’s another way to express yourself – a way that will bring a man close instead of pushing him away. And, they’re completely different things than we women are used to doing. It’s a way of BEING with a man that makes him just want to be with you forever.

    It’s a way of being a “Modern Siren.”

    So – what does that mean – Modern Siren – and how does it work to be a Modern Siren?

    A Siren is a woman who loves herself so much that she can turn even the parts of herself she may think are ugly and unpleasant and difficult and painful — into her most powerful assets.

    A Siren knows that what a man craves is EMOTION.

    Emotion that he can’t find in himself. Emotion that will make him feel like a whole man.

    A man is used to what he thinks of as “drama” in a woman — and Emotion is something completely different than drama. Emotion is the missing piece for a man.

    AND BEING A SIREN WILL MAKE YOU THE MAGICAL CREATURE WHO CAN MAKE A MAN WHOLE.

    The next time you’re tempted to do any of those things I’ve listed in the “Chasing List” — and you’re tempted to think of any of those things as something nice and friendly and womanly, and something that a man would like — Don’t do it.

    You will begin to feel like a Siren — like the magical creature you are, just because you’re a woman — when you start practicing just knowing that you have everything a man needs without having to do anything at all.

    My Modern Siren program will teach you exactly how to do this, step-by-step.

    Let me know how this Tool works for you.

    Love, Rori



  231.  #231Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    SLV, regarding PUA: Ick. Blech. Gag. Retch.

    I’ll go check it out, if for nothing else, for grins and giggles.



  232.  #232Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    By the way Boomer I believe songs teach us about how men see us. Listen again to what Bruno Mars say in his Girl You’re Amazing Just the Way You Are song.



  233.  #233Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    FW,

    #225: Yes, he meant well, spoke his truth (many times) but what’s funny is that when I was like 28 and talked to him about it, he didn’t even remember he said that.



  234.  #234Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    @231: Boomer

    As the guy says, one of many, it’s all about getting laid with beautiful girls whenever you want.

    The techniques are known from one PUA group to another. The routines and are definable, ordered and escalating.

    xoxo
    SLV



  235.  #235Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    I meant “defined” not definable…



  236.  #236Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Tinque, I’m so glad the tabs and slots align so well 🙂

    Hee.



  237.  #237Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    SLV,

    If a girl is smart enough, she will sense the routine. Like I didn’t know what it was, but it felt fake and cold. I knew people who practiced PUA – some of it got to me and I trusted it, but nearly not enough for me to sleep with them.



  238.  #238Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    FW, I know you mean well, but darlin’, you can be a real buzz kill for me sometimes.

    I spoke a true thing and was very vulnerable with BuffAndBald today. It felt GOOD to say what I said. I was anxious. I was scared and I admitted it. I know it was early. Too soon. But he did respond. We’ll see how it goes if/when we meet. Maybe “I blew it,” but I always come back to “You can’t say the wrong thing to the right man.”

    And if he does not go for me after all, I learned something.



  239.  #239Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    SLV,

    Did you see my post #153?



  240.  #240Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    @224: Laughing Goddess

    Thanks for the link. I think I will need some time to explore;I’ve put it in my “All Things 2011” folder.

    I wonder if there will be an ideal birthdate for my soul mate? I saw that somewhere on a personals ad. I want one, or a “near one” or …. I might even make on up… LOL 😆 for dramatic effect…

    xoxo
    SLV



  241.  #241Alonka on March 29, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Good night girls, taking off early – it’s my 7am week.

    Have fun!



  242.  #242Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    cafeastrology.com gives a free report which includes venus sign.



  243.  #243Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    OK,so ANOTHER potential CD is a freaking personal trainer too!!!!

    Why is the Universe sending me these men? What’s my message?

    They are both gorgeous and totally hot…and both OWN personal fitness centers in my city. I feel nervous and overwhelmed. Oh geez…can I lose 20 pounds by the weekend???



  244.  #244Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    @153: Alonka says:
    “,,,She’s way older than you are and this small detail makes her look so youthful…”

    Hmmm, maybe not way older than me… 😆

    Those sound pretty. I used to wear a lot of v-neck pulloverss, usually black, navy or grey… i guess not too colorful… hahaha.

    Thanks for thinking of me. It’s inspiring. I think when I was your age I was rather cute, kind of curvy but slender. I must do a major overhaul. It’s daunting. I’m not too much into fashion, well not in a very long while and I’ve never ever been the “glamour” type. My sisters are.

    It’s a challenge. Health first, then I’ll see what I can do… Shopping would help. 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  245.  #245Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    RE 238 Sorry about that just wanted to share something I have learnt. It was a shock to me when I heard it because I have complemented physique in the past because I like guys who lift weights. As matter of fact last summer while walking on the street I saw one guy showing muscles. I found it so attractive I walked over to him and made some comment to him about it. I remember him not even looking over at me but kind off absent mindedly saying he would make sure to mention it to his trainer. To this day I remember how I felt.



  246.  #246Darling Ella on March 29, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    It feels good to read fun stories from Sirens 🙂 I feel happy to see the vibe picking up 🙂

    Warm hugs u all and good nite 🙂



  247.  #247Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    @243: Boomer

    I just asked THE question: [whisper] “Are you sleeping with me tonight?”
    Answer: “Are you getting off the computer.”
    Me: Not yet.
    Answer: “OK.”

    hahaha 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  248.  #248Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    OMG, this second guy was Mr. Ohio! Ack! I feel intimidated and very nervous.



  249.  #249Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    @238: Boomer

    It sounded OK to me, real, sweet and vulnerable but expressed in a confident way. That guy put himself out there as a personal trainer so remarks about his physical training or appearance were not out of line and certainly didn’t seem, to me, to be fawning in any way.

    We can’t be sure of anything. Let’s see what happens.

    xoxo
    SLV



  250.  #250Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    SLV, was that “Sweetie?”

    Tell him I said hi.

    Tonight I’m going to go to bed and will imagine that one of the totally hot, buff, body builder men who are vying for my attention is in bed with me. I’ll feel his big arms and his big…”Tab A,” and his warm breath on my shoulder as I fall asleep.

    I will manifest a big, buff, sexy ANIMUS to sleep with me tonight and keep me safe! Oh yes I will!

    Oh, heck, while I’m at it, I’m going to imagine I have BOTH of them in that bed with me!

    I will manifest two burly, sexy, amazing ANIMI who totally dig curvy, luscious, juicy ME!

    Hee!



  251.  #251T-Girl on March 29, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    Boomer,

    I remember Rori mentioning during the free conference call that her daughter made an Excel spreadsheet of all the men she was dating as well because she couldn’t keep them straight.

    I am also finding that lately on Match and OK Cupid that I am getting many more e-mails. What is going on? Spring fever? Just when I’m getting tired of it all…getting kind of disappointed and burnt out. I think my problem is I am waaaaay too trusting and then the guy turns out to be a dud. Just like GiddyAsASchoolBoy who said he was mesmorized by my eyes and voice and was thinking about me everyday….dud…



  252.  #252Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    FW, I always take your input with respect and thoughtfulness. Thanks for your insight. I’m sorry if I was flippant.

    I know I hate hearing from random men about my “beautiful eyes” all the time. I should feel flattered, but it gets old, like, “I’m more than pair of almond-shaped eyes.” I imagine a buff guy gets tired of being objectified too???



  253.  #253turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    Boomer, go with it. Maybe it will be some inspiration, or at least a free gym membership to help you get to your goal weight! 🙂

    FW, I’m not looking for a phone romeo, but we just started emailing yesterday, he called me last night, we had a 3 hr. 16 min. phone call, and he asked me out for this weekend. I told him I’d have to check with my babysitter, and he asked me to let him know. He texted me today to ask about my day, and then we texted a bit tonight. I can’t imagine it going any better than this so far, since it’s only been a day. So, considering what a crappy week I had last week, I’m focusing on the positive tonight. Staying in the moment is easy when in the moment feels good! 🙂



  254.  #254Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    Yay Turquoise! He does sound nice. Happy vibes your way…..

    T-Girl, I feel good about my chart! It allows me to find some control and to leverage my natural “masculine energy” in a safe way that does not show with the men as I try try try to stay feminine.

    I like my charts and to-do lists.



  255.  #255Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    T-Girl…why duds???



  256.  #256Lilybelle on March 29, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    I can’t wait to catch up.

    Just in from a CD with a guy I saw and really liked, about ten months ago. He was a disappearing man. He has been trying to find me for quite some time, apparently, even trying to google the name of the company I worked for because he couldn’t remember it. He didn’t find it. He found me on POF. hee hee

    He really put forth the man energy tonight. Picking me up, paying for everything, etc… I didn’t bring up the past, never even mentioned a word about it. Just sat there using my Rori tools, smiling and eye contacting, listening and leaning back. The more I leaned back, the more he leaned forward and often reached out and touched my leg or hand. I am amazed at how it works when I pay attention. Not only was he watching me, there were a couple of other very attractive men, who would twist their head around to watch me walk across the room to the restroom.

    Fun stuff.



  257.  #257T-Girl on March 29, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    Duds because they get close and then they disappear. Or they just want sex. Or they just want to e-mail but never ask to set up a date. I am like you, I only get 2 days every other week to date and I feel like I am putting so much energy into it. I am too guillable and I fall for the lines that my eyes are mesmorizing, and “I think about you every day”, and then they disappear.



  258.  #258T-Girl on March 29, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    Way to go Lilybelle!!! 10 months!! Wow! OK, I’m not going to get discouraged yet.



  259.  #259T-Girl on March 29, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    Boomer – put things in your chart such as details you learned about them as well: how many kids they have, where they are from, their pet’s name, etc. It gets hard keeping all that straight! Especially if you are dating 3 variations of Shawn! lol



  260.  #260Daria on March 29, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    I feel scare fs watching men war

    Poof watching prison hhang tattoo in tv.
    And I feel super turned on feling that way.

    And ok w? Anyone? I want ro feel turbed on in safety too 🙁

    I feel scared ill iveradremalize.

    Ohhh I feel soexcited I found something I wanted

    I want ro get w a man and jave like 4 children right way.



  261.  #261Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    T-Girl. Bummer 🙁

    Duds, indeed. They were not for you, and you are the fabulous diva goddess!

    I’ve tried to think back and reconstruct the men I’ve met in the last six months, and I could not. I got to 30 and then could recall no more. I wish I’d written them all down. All but a couple were “duds” by your definition. Sigh. They can’t all be like that, can they? I refuse to believe that.

    I am drawing much more successful, adult, good looking men these days. Same profile, same pictures…but different me, I guess?? I do see a huge spike in “hits” on the sites on Mondays. I guess after their disappointing weekends???



  262.  #262Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Boomer, I assume buffandbald is bald? That probably affects his physical attractiveness to a lot of women (me for instance) – so he probably totally gets where you’re coming from with your own concern.



  263.  #263T-Girl on March 29, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    I am a fabulous diva goddess! 🙂

    I think my biggest let down was SexyOlderGuy. Nothing went wrong…I used all my Rori tools and was at my most feminine self. The last night I saw him we were intimate (not the first time), and then…poof…for the 2nd time. Huge disappointment. I get that men get freaked out by their feelings and then disappear, but if he really liked me in the first place I don’t think he would have disappeared so easiliy. I guess he just liked someone else better.



  264.  #264Daria on March 29, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Lg that is vEry col. I like thay to I think I realy got it. Ook I can use that vibe thank u



  265.  #265T-Girl on March 29, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    LOL – I just had a few men on POF add me to their favorites. I love that I can go in there and remove myself from their favorites list if they are yucky! I wish I could do that on Match too!



  266.  #266Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    T-Girl – already doing that with the chart! Yes, the Shaun/Shawn/Seans was a fun phase. I really liked Shaun – but he’s the one who said he was not over his dead girlfriend yet. Again…sigh.

    OMG…an ex lover (not a CD, not a boyfriend, not a friend…a real LOVER…ha…feels so cheesy saying that) just texted me asking me to have dinner with him this weekend. Maybe I can fill my Saturday now! He says he can’t stop thinking about me. Wow…my vibe is far-reaching 🙂 We never really did anything but mess around several years ago. Have not seen him in over a year. And now he wants DINNER? Interesting…



  267.  #267Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    Lucy – yes BuffAndBald is a cue ball. I have a Captain Picard fixation, so I think bald is absolutely sexy (I love Ed Harris too). BuffAndBald shaves his head though. The last four men I was really attracted to were all head shavers. Huh.

    He does say in his profile–AND the very first thing he says–is that he shaves his head by choice. Maybe it IS an issue for him since he makes a big deal out of it?

    Interesting insight. Thanks.



  268.  #268T-Girl on March 29, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    Boomer – what a nice way to “fill” a Saturday night 🙂

    I need a lover…had one but he disappeared too!

    OK, get this: my friends all think that men online only want sex. So one of my CD’s that I am really getting close to more as a friend, can talk about anything with him but know I don’t want a forever relationship, I asked him if that was true. He say “Yes. All a man has to do is look at a few pictures, send a couple e-mails, take the girl on a couple dates and the way women are now they jump in bed after 3 dates. Then the man moves on to the next one.” I think hearing that helped my disappointment too.



  269.  #269Daria on March 29, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    I love mu de re lungs ii love my feelings I love my hg eelunfs

    Sigh 🙂



  270.  #270Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    T-Girl, I HATE **poof**

    I call it “goin’ all Houdini” (I think SLV or FW called it that once on here too).

    It is so demeaning. Why do they think it’s OK to screw you and disappear? And I KNOW that the sex is good. I’m unique and…well…it’s just good. But they do go poof, and we have to live with it. I make sure now that I am completely open to the sex and the implications and that I can easily move on if they poof on me. It hurts still, but about half as much as it did before I found the Rori stuff. And I NEVER humiliate myself now with “closure.” If I never absorb another Rori lesson or start going back to my “leaning ways,” I do know that I will NEVER seek closure ever again with a Poofer.



  271.  #271SAngelina on March 29, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    Good evening sirens,

    Hope y’all had a wonderful day.
    So, in the last post I talked about the latest CD I who “disappeared” at the prospect of me CDing after an 8 month near exclusivity. I didn’t hear from him for a week (we usually talked daily)

    Well, today he emailed

    “How are you ……? I thought that you would feel like talking by the weekend. Obviously, you need more time. I’ve been doing alot of thinking this past week and I realize that I have to reevaluate my expectations. I can’t force you to feel a certain way just because I do. I wanted more from you than you were willing to give. I’m curious as to what kind of relationship you would consider having with me. Whatever it is, I just want to be in your life in someway.

    Awwww, now what do I say?



  272.  #272Daria on March 29, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Watching army tattoos. Oh I think I get it dont get in the arny from my parenta



  273.  #273Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    RE 268 That is true until he meets a real Siren who stays in her feelings, work on raising her vibe so that when he is with her he finds her irresistible to point that he forgets why he was in the dating game in the first place. I think it is a great insight so girls can be convinced that they should build sexual tension and attraction by being unpredictable and behaving differently. Maybe it is the reason so many of them get angry when girls don’t chase them and say things to challenge our self-esteem and question the Siren way.



  274.  #274turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Violet, I’m sorry you are feeling so badly tonight. I felt that way over the weekend…. too many stressful things happened all at once, and it’s easy to let that get to you. Just know, as my mother told me, everything will be ok, and it will get better. Just hang in there. 🙂



  275.  #275T-Girl on March 29, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    RE273 FW I agree, or the optimistic side of me wants to agree. I think I read on EMK’s blog that “women find sex while looking for love but men find love while looking for sex”.



  276.  #276Boomer on March 29, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    FW:

    “Maybe it is the reason so many of them get angry when girls don’t chase them and say things to challenge our self-esteem and question the Siren way.”

    Can you elaborate? What do you think makes them angry? This is happening a lot to me–want to understand it…



  277.  #277turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    Just got a nice warm bath, hottravelguy texted me a nice goodnight message and sent me a picture of him… off to get some rest. Goodnight sirens 🙂

    Boomer, your vibe must be very strong tonight!!! 🙂 Can’t wait to hear about your full weekend…. I’ll be having a sleepover with 9 8 year olds and one 10 year old on Friday night, softball practice Saturday, and then hopefully a nice date with Larry Sunday. Not so exciting, but full!



  278.  #278Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    RE 271 This is where I would tell him what I want without requiring it from him. I am passionate about my life and my happiness and want………………as this would make me happy.



  279.  #279Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    They expect us to be easy because the majority of their experience with women is easy. Many go into it saying the right things and acting the right way up front with the expectation of getting what they want without much work. So they want us to pay for dates, drive to them, call them to set up dates. Things that sirens don’t do. When they see this not happening they get angry.



  280.  #280turquoise3 on March 29, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    Sangelina, that is wonderful. How do you feel about him?

    I like the idea of CD’ing, but at some point, I think we have to commit to forming a relationship where marriage is a possibility. I would never consider accepting a marriage proposal from a man who was still dating several women at once, but then decided he liked me best. How can we expect them to do the same? I think if you want the same things and are on the same page, at some point we have to step out in faith and trust that its’ going to lead where we want…. maybe I’m wrong, I’m certainly no expert and have a divorce to prove it, but if I wouldn’t want them dating anyone else, I can’t be doing it…. that is how I see things. So, CD”ing is great when single, but once things get more serious, I’d be CD’ing my friends, myself, my family… and focusing my energy on the man I was falling in love with.



  281.  #281Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    I guess I am a bit worked up tonight because while in the recovery room with my dad a young girl was wheeled in. The staff spoke as if she had just finished an abortion. She was in obvious pain. A young man walked in and I got the sense that he was trying to be invisible. He eventually went to the room and walked out shortly thereafter. My niece was with me and she is full and curvy. He was obviously eyeing her while we were in the elevator so I started a conversation and learnt that the young lady was his “fiancee”. While waiting in the lobby another young lady passed him and he was on the phone. He sat there staring at her, then looked around to see if anyone was watching him and then proceeded to follow her with his gaze while she walked out the door. A few minutes later another one came along as he was oggling her just the same. Needless to say I was by then rattled like a rattle snake wanting to snap his head off. I get it that guys look at women but this guy spent no time with the young lady upstairs. I was there until the staff was trying to get rid of me. He just came up for a few minutes and then came down. My sister said to me well at least he is there as there are those who don’t show up for the girl. I appreciated that but at the same time I had to be wondering if the young lady’s mother knew her daughter was lying in a hospital bed. I also couldn’t help but mentioning it my sister-in-law with the matter of fact knowing that pretty soon he will be another Houdini in another young lady’s life. Sorry for the ranting but it was hard for me to digest.



  282.  #282KS on March 29, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    #279 WOW, I remember Toxic Man saying the last time I saw him “You are just sooooo difficult” and his energy was that of being frustrated….I believe because I wasnt playing his game and was calmly clear about what I wanted.

    Light Bulb Moment! Thanks

    Hope your dad is well and comfortable. Still in my thoughts. 🙂



  283.  #283Daria on March 29, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    I feel outraged that the women are hating on men… I W&nt them to have trn on skills. I suppott that.



  284.  #284Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    RE 280 turquoise3 I appreciate where you are coming from but I had a friend tell me last year that he does not want any woman “focussing her energy” on him. He told me about a girl he was dating who started to get jealous of someone else who was doing some work for him and apparently she was showing the jealousy. He did not say but I am sure he was having sex with her. He told me he promptly unceremoniously dismissed her out of his life without a second thought. He said it enough times for me to know he does not want anyone focussing on him.



  285.  #285Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Daria I have heard Rori say that in an Interview that “some men are better than others” so I am realistic. Not all men are great and I appreciate the great ones. They themselves are willing to tell women about their flaws and lack of character. I have a lot of great men in my own life and I respect them.



  286.  #286Lucy on March 29, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    LG, holy cow!!!!!! That one description of venus in gemini sounded so incredibly like TN man that I just Had to look his up – and sure enough, he’s venus in gemini!!! I feel very intrigued and fascinated!



  287.  #287Darling Ella on March 29, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    FW #279:

    “they expect us to be easy because the majority of their experience with women is easy. Many go into it saying the right things and acting the right way up front with the expectation of getting what they want without much work. So they want us to pay for dates, drive to them, call them to set up dates. Things that sirens don’t do. When they see this not happening they get angry.”

    So true!!! I could not have said it better…A few of my recent dates…literally disappeared because I did not make it easy…yet, stayed open and warm…

    I recall Rori mentioning something that they may feel we are up to something…and therefore, don’t really buy initially into our vibe…

    And you know what??? I am willing to make a bet…they will come back…:)

    My recent flame A offered me passionate love making and I sure dont regret it…The week before I really struggled being high on oxytocin without making love and for two years I struggled moving on from a very abusive imaginary relationship…Did I make it easy for A? Likely yes, but I also got what I wanted…and I sure practiced many tools 🙂

    Starting fresh with someone using Rori’s tools is just awesome…I recognize that some will just not be ready to appreciate my openness at this time…and that’s ok with me…and I sure know it is not my fault…so I will not carry any guilt …

    One thing I learned from my past is “Never make decisions based on guilt”…we have to heal the guilt within ourselves…even if we made the mistake…somehow we have to forgive ourselves 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  288.  #288Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    RE 275 T-Girl I have heard CCarter say the same thing. A lot of us offer free sex hoping to get the commitment we so desire while guys offer commitment hoping to get the sex they want. Then after sex things change. Think about it we mostly learn by trial and error, but if all the women in the world practiced speaking up about what they want and how they feel would we have so many houdini’s?



  289.  #289Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    RE 287 But that is about you being totally conscious and going after what you want. I believe guys are more conscious than us of what they want. As Rori says they negotiate relationships better than us. Many times we go for the ride hoping for the best not recognizing the reality of the situation.



  290.  #290Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    DE I am happy to hear you got what you wanted and hope for the same for everyone. Awareness is what brings that to us and I believe that it is through awareness that we will attract the good guys to us. I truly believe there are great guys out there if we give ourselves the time and space to find them.



  291.  #291Darling Ella on March 29, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    FW # 289

    Yes, I agree…they are great negotiators indeed 🙂

    Rori is teaching us to negotiate our way as well 🙂

    I think we could really pull it through even having sex with them early on…if we keep our emotions in check (using tools, keeping busy), let go of remorse/guilt of having sex with them (probably the biggest one); don’t date in circles (i prefer squares- this is one of my rules 🙂 ; and of course, keeping that horse all tide up and ready to go at the hear of my whistle 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  292.  #292Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    DE you are funny. I love the horse all tide up analogy. I do agree with you but it is just that when we first start getting involved in sex many of us were too young to do the introspection we are doing now. I realize my statements may sound sweeping at times but that is not my objective. I am really hoping that people allow Rori’s tools to become second nature and really become aware of ourselves as we enter into relationships. Men are at different stages in their lives like we are and are not all ready for relationships.



  293.  #293Darling Ella on March 29, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    FW:

    Btw: I hope my posts didn’t seem like I was arguing 🙂 I kinda used u idea and expand it for myself…the other day, I did not really express everything I was thinking or feeling…:)

    Thank you for the opportunity 🙂



  294.  #294SAngelina on March 29, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    Thanks FW & Turquoise3 for your input.
    I’ll take some time to figure out how to handle it since I don’t want commitment from him.
    I was even prepared to let it go for good.



  295.  #295Darling Ella on March 29, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    FW #290: – your post inspired me to share this…

    Here are some different aspects of self-awareness:

    – Know yourself – Explore who you are: your defenses, your blocks, your talents, your aspirations, etc.

    – Accept yourself – We are at war with ourselves when we resist or deny certain aspects of who we are. Acknowledge the truth of who you are right now – the positives and the negatives. Only when we own our present reality can we change.

    – Control yourself – Set clear, conscious intentions and discipline yourself to meet them.

    – Express yourself – Go to your heart to identify what has meaning and purpose for you. Live your truth. Identify ways you can give back to life and be in service.



  296.  #296Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    RE 293 Oh no. It felt airy/breezy and helped me to balance my own energy. I love the way you express yourself.



  297.  #297Darling Ella on March 29, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    FW #296:

    wow, it feels good to read.. thank you …

    Hope u dad has a good recovery…my thoughts are with you and your family tonite …

    Warm hugs,



  298.  #298Daria on March 29, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Bubonic plague



  299.  #299Alicia on March 29, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    I need help..

    First, Circular Dating is healing.. very! And healing doesnt always feel great but, it will get you to that place. Just stay with it.

    Help- This guy that I swear is only my friend… Mikey. I am way leaned back becuase I feel no eros love.. only agape and philia love..

    Anyway. I adore him as a friend. I dont understand why he likes me so much… I’m hardly ever with him or talk to him. Other then the fact – I am just leaned back because I don’t care that much. I am receptive to him. I always text him back at some point.. and I say yes to see him on a occasional date.. And I have told him, I dont understand why you like me so much? Becuase, I’m just busy getting my life together and in counseling and starting a new job..

    Well he even asked me..” if I got a boyfriend would we still be friends” I said ofcourse..

    However.. lately.. (p.s. he sent me a bunch of valentines – bear, flowers, balloons) I recieved it, I thought it was cute and innocent. (first time I had a great V-day) I actually really loved it. And I had only pecked him on the lips once before that months earlier. At this point in over a year twice pecks only..

    So, I thought heyyy if it floats his boat to see me light up okay.. learn to recieve, learn to recieve.

    Well now he’s been joking a lot about marriage… like sending me text that say “marry me” and I thought that was cute but, then going on to say.. “he only needs money for gas and food and I could have the rest, and how well he would treat me” which sounds like not joking and make me question if he is really joking or not?? That was last week.

    Then he did it again this week.. He told me “he saw the future in a dream and said I would marry him and then cheat on him with a rich guy and then I would be an ex… “” Then he said “Bring it.. my heart is strong”

    Then today.. he said ” I cant take it anymore, I have to see you next Monday” Well now I am feeling a little freaked out..

    Clearly we are not on the same page.. and to me there is NO RELATIONSHIP so there is NOTHING to break up. But, he’s going a little far with these jokes, even just calling to hear my voice on my voice mail.. and now I feel bad.. Because he is way more into this then I am.

    Do I just say.. I feel freaked out or uncomfortable? And tell him you know we are only friends?

    Any advice??

    The leaning back feeling has been wonderful I learned to recieve and this has been great practice.. I know now sooo much more what it looks and feel like.

    Is it time to pull the plug? What would you do?



  300.  #300Alicia on March 29, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    And p.s. I have NEVER cheated on anyone.. I know Mikey said he saw that in a dream after I married him.. But, I just wanted to make that point.

    And more importantly I would NEVER marry this guy.

    Why cant he just be my friend? And not act strange..



  301.  #301Femininewoman on March 29, 2011 at 10:34 pm

    Thanks DE. I am hoping for the best.



  302.  #302Brenda on March 29, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    Lucy,

    RE: #172 – You have a nice nose! 🙂



  303.  #303Daria on March 29, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    Alicia sounds like hes practicing too



  304.  #304Alicia on March 29, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    Femininewoman #230 is BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!

    Thanks for posting that. I have done it and learned from it. And it feel awesome to have moved on from the treat them as a friend but, there is still feelings mental game.. SO glad I no longer do that.

    I sent that post to all my girl friends who do the same things! A lot of them too. lol



  305.  #305Alicia on March 29, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    Daria – Thanks!

    So should I just tell him.. I dont feel that way. Or just recieve what is comfortable for me and tell him if he wants to see me to stop making these marriage jokes. And they make me feel freaked out? Or just brush them off?



  306.  #306Daria on March 29, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    Alicia what do u feel. Find and express



  307.  #307Daria on March 29, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    Rorori has saud tel him when u feel overwwhelmed w his advances so he will know to better faculitatee you to open up



  308.  #308Brenda on March 30, 2011 at 12:07 am

    Shifting my vibe is a simple matter of overfunctioning. LOL! 😆



  309.  #309kaitlyn on March 30, 2011 at 1:38 am

    5 Torquoise,

    I suggest NOT sending any message informing him that a disappearing act is wrong because they will read it and just hear ‘blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.’ Then he’ll go about his day as if nothing happened.

    However, that’s what I’m surmising will go through his mind because my bf did a disappearing act also. Long story, I was in the wrong with him, but he just quit all contact with me without warning. I figured he’d at least have the decency to tell me ‘I can’t do this. It’s best we go our separate ways.’

    I wake up with a pit of longing, guilt, and regret everyday, but the one thing I know is I never ran after him when it happened.

    Like, no matter what went down, I handled his rejection with dignity.

    Trust me, I was so tempted. Tempted to apologize once again. Yet dually tempted to call him out on his vanishing act.



  310.  #310kaitlyn on March 30, 2011 at 1:51 am

    Boomer,

    Have you checked modelmayhem.com? There are many photographers there and half of them will work for free in exchange for using the photograph of you for their portfolio. You can even tell them, go ahead and use it for their book, but not their online portfolio.



  311.  #311kaitlyn on March 30, 2011 at 1:59 am

    70 Boomer,

    “SLV, a mushroom!!!??? Hahahaa. Yeah, overall shorts are just not a good look for anyone. The pic was a bit too “Come on Eileen” and dated. But it showed clearly that I am 5’0″ with a killer butt and a nice rack…so….”

    ROFWL!!! Holy shite, I just spit green tea all over my keyboard from the Come On Eileen vid ref!!!!!



  312.  #312KS on March 30, 2011 at 2:01 am

    Hmmmm…interacting with that ohhhh soooooo lucious man the other night has me thinking. MAYBE it is time that I come out of hiding and start to cd. I mean really, why should I deprive all those available, handsome men of myself???? Lol.
    Yeah I think maybe it’s time. Knock definitely has to get her groove back. 😉



  313.  #313kaitlyn on March 30, 2011 at 2:09 am

    100 SLV,

    “What’s your take on guys who are tall, leaner: 6’1″ 175 lbs?”

    YUM ALL THE WAY. That is my type all the way. Adam was even leaner. I have always been drawn to that since I was a kid. Line up all my ex bfs. Same body type.

    And when a man of that build, rather it’s sinewy or slight, holds my hand like he means it and f*cks HARD…SWOON => LOVE OMG OMG OMG!!!!



  314.  #314Daria on March 30, 2011 at 2:17 am

    Kaitlyn – ditto that is by far my fave body. Teary eyes



  315.  #315Daria on March 30, 2011 at 2:23 am

    Oh no brenda feels bad to hear.

    hope ourtr subconscious gets aware that ouverfunc feels bad and its nit the thibg ti do iI am cimmittes ro doing stuff for beauty n pleasure abd health to attract meninstead. it has wirjed qickly. in half a day



  316.  #316Daria on March 30, 2011 at 2:27 am

    I feel uncomfortabke when brends praises ovrrfunctioning. I sont want to be witness to her laughing off that ahes making choices to hurt herself.

    How do I do this? I laugh ut off..well noo but act all cool about irt when I leaned forward to contact getright.



  317.  #317Daria on March 30, 2011 at 2:31 am

    Zi felt mad and dissapounted at sext cd cuz he asked me to hoe for him.

    I feel glad how I handles it w feelings and dint wants and mivung away. Yay was willing to tell him I felt unsafe now



  318.  #318kaitlyn on March 30, 2011 at 2:50 am

    Gimme 6’1″ and 165 and we’re REALLY on!!!



  319.  #319KS on March 30, 2011 at 3:52 am

    Awwww Hell. I just realized that I don’t even know HOW to date. WOW. After 17 years with the same man (who happens to still be lurking) and then into the gf trap after that. I feel like the 40 year old VIRGIN. Bwahahahaha.



  320.  #320turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 4:46 am

    FW, I was talking about my romantic energy… and like I said, when both people are wanting the same thing… with each other. I have read over and over again that men want a woman who is loyal. Cding other men on actual dates, or having online relationships, is not being loyal. Do they have a right to expect more if there isn’t a ring on our finger???? Guess to me it depends where you are in the relationship. I wonder how you’d even get to the point of a serious, committed, long term relationship if you are sharing your time and energy on multiple men. I have a busy life, two children, a job, friends, a large family…. only so much of me even available to men.
    I’d bet your friend wasn’t in love with that woman. If he was, I’d hope it would take more than his feeling she was jealous to dismiss her instantly. We are all human, are going to make mistakes, have feelings, we can’t be expected to behave perfectly and never cause them any reason to be upset with us.



  321.  #321Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 5:10 am

    KS @312: I was just thinking the same thing, time for me to ‘come out’ and CD. I gave myself the month of March to focus on me and although apprehensive about CDing, know it will be beneficial for practice and help me to move on. Although I must say my vibe is not where I want it to be…… lost a bit of my mojo but it’s coming back…… slowly. I say go for it girl!
    I think we need to adopt this diva rock star’s vibe:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMx5RDe1BkI&feature=related
    This was originally released by Diana Ross another Rock Start Diva so we’ll be in good company!



  322.  #322Meemee on March 30, 2011 at 5:11 am

    Dear Ladies
    I have been constantly off my horse for the last one month or so. It was a time of great distress and a cart load of emotions and feelings to deal with. I was constantly feeling confused, unsure and I was wavering emotionally hugely. So many of you have me good support and helped me to deal with the situations. I thank all of you. From the depth of my heart.
    Last night I had my aha moment. It was 3 am and I was still tossing in my bed unable to catch sleep. Then I got up sat on my bean bag, smoking a cigarette and thinking of everything that happened. I was feeling highly tensed- bitter about what happened, angry about the bad behavior exhibited towards me and worrying about the consequences. It was a massive guilt-shame-blame pattern I was not able to break through. Then I had a loop-buster. I tried telling myself my own story. And it read this:

    Meemee was in a relationship with X. She compromised her self esteem and silently agreed to the secrecy of the relationship. Though she tried to talk to X about the secrecy, he got more distant and started yelling when she did so. Finally after lots of moving back and fro, she decided to let X go and stick to her self esteem. She did it but had to go back and talk to X because she was pregnant. He showed nothing but bad behavior even then. Of course a man who did not care for her for 3 years will not feel concern all of a sudden. She felt confused. She felt attached to X again because of the pregnancy and the duress.

    She told X’s friend about what happened. The created yet another set of issued. She withdrew her offers of help and asked meemee not to talk to her or discuss it anymore. She stopped calling and X also became very cold because he probably figured out what happened.

    Now this is what Meemee has to say. She trusted a man and loved him. That was not a mistake. She compromised on many things- which she should not have done. She did not stalk X. She did not call X’s home or talk to his parents or did not blackmail him. She is proud that she dealt the situation with some degree of dignity. She told X’s friend about this because she was pushed against the wall. She asked X’s friend whether she has anything against meemee. X kept telling her lies about many people and meemee wanted to clarify some of these. It was X’s friend who asked her whats happening. It was X’s friend who offered help. Meemee expressed her feelings and told X’s friend what she feels. And Xs friend had her worst fears and she imagined what would have happened.

    Now- meemee made her choices. She chose to agree to X’s scheme of secrecy. She slept with X. she put up with X’s bad behavior. She decided to share it with X’s friend when she was asked whats happening. Meemee takes complete responsibility of the situation. She takes responsibility of her own choices. She loves and accept herself no matter what mistakes she did in the past. She decided to get out of the guilt-blame-shame situation. She is convined it her version of the story. Nothing in the world can make her feel bad for the choices she made. That is past.

    She wants to live in the present. She loves herself. She loves her body. She loves her life.
    This was only one chapter of her life. Her life is more beautiful than this.
    She wants to live a real life.
    Not a life of lies
    Not a life of fears
    Not a life of tears and constant tension
    She wants to bloom
    She wants to feel her feelings
    She wants to speak her words
    She want to blossom and be healthy

    Meemee loves herself.

    Meemee



  323.  #323Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 5:13 am

    FW: I hope you father is making a good recovery after the op. Thinking of you! xx



  324.  #324Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 5:15 am

    Good morning!

    #320: well said Turquoise 😉 Yes, I wonder what happens with feelings, mutual respect, trust, i. e. the relationship itself when I read ‘of course, she sent him 1.5 texts in a row, so he dismissed her without a 2nd thought’ lol

    I know how it feels because it happened to me. The guy dismissed me 4 times:

    1. in the very first phone conversation because he said ‘we don’t communicate well’ (he asked me over 10 questions about specifics of my job, it felt like a job interview and prob my enthusiasm faded a bit. not to mention that I was not allowed to answer some of the questions and he knew it very well)

    2. after 5-6 amazing dates and calls/texts in between ‘because I don’t love him’

    3. several months later after a reconnect in the middle of the street ‘because I’m a party girl and he is a serious guy with a book’

    4. just this fall ‘because I was pushing him for a serious relationship and he wants to date others’.

    Will he find someone ‘perfect’? Possibly, but it didn’t happen in the past 10-12 years and it’s not happening tomorrow.



  325.  #325Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 5:19 am

    @256: Lilybelle says:
    “…Just in from a CD with a guy I saw and really liked, about ten months ago. He was a disappearing man. He has been trying to find me for quite some time, apparently, even trying to google the name of the company I worked for because he couldn’t remember it. He didn’t find it. He found me on POF. hee hee…”

    I’m putting this in the Prodigal CD file… 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  326.  #326KS on March 30, 2011 at 5:20 am

    Ladybird,
    Thanks for the video. Saved it on my favorites! 🙂



  327.  #327Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 5:25 am

    Meemee: well done, this is a huge step forward. You deserve so much better, and it’s coming your way.



  328.  #328Meemee on March 30, 2011 at 5:26 am

    Sirens
    I have gathered my nerves once again.
    I don’t want to look back
    I am stopping this cycle of shame/blame/guilt
    I went to Dr today. She said I can start going to gym from this week.
    I feel good.
    I will go to gym from tomorrow.
    I will start working on my thesis.
    I have sent my paper for an international conference today and it feels good to do work
    Thank god I have a good house
    Thank god I have a good roommate
    I have a good family
    I have a wonderful nephew to play with
    I have my PhD to work on
    I have friends to hang out with
    I have fellowship that gives me money
    I have all my lovely sirens who give me immense support
    I will stand tall for myself
    I will never again fall at the feet of anyone
    I don’t care if X or his friends are around when I go to my department, I will go and do my work.
    People might call it self-love, pride, vanity and arrogance- but I will call it the ability to stand tall for myself without feeling guilty for anything. And I will do that no matter what happens
    Meemee



  329.  #329Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 5:27 am

    @265: T-Girl says:
    “…on POF… I love that I can go in there and remove myself from their favorites list if they are yucky! I wish I could do that on Match too!…”

    How’d you learn to do that? I need to make a list or Q&A but I wouldn’t have known to ask Jacqueline about that… 😥

    xoxo
    SLV



  330.  #330Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 5:30 am

    I love you gals! 😀

    Reading now to catch up. Also I think I’m having ice cream and coffee for breakfast… Haagen Daz was having a sale and I couldn’t resist… 😳

    xoxo
    SLV



  331.  #331Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 5:30 am

    I have the Modern Siren CD set and looking at what I need to move onto next. Would love to hear what CD sets you ladies have and what you feel has worked best for you. Can someone please tell me what the CD set is with the horse? I keep reading about that on here and I’m curious.



  332.  #332Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 5:34 am

    @67: Boomer says:
    “…He does say in his profile–AND the very first thing he says–is that he shaves his head by choice…”

    Some guys do that when they first start to bald. They go “all the way” by shaving it, thinking it looks sexier. I think so too but never dated a bald guy. I like guys with hair… but maybe I’m now in bald guy
    group.

    xoxo
    SLV



  333.  #333Lucy on March 30, 2011 at 5:36 am

    Kaitlyn and Daria, that was my ex-h… 6′, 160 lbs… too old for you girls tho, probably. I prefer a bit heavier – at least 180.



  334.  #334Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 5:37 am

    SLV: ice cream and coffee sounds FAB. I was at a psychology conference on Saturday and one of the presenters was saying that to be more flexible in our thinking and lives, we should all ‘Do Something Different’ each day, i.e. even a small change like what you have for breakfast! The more flexible we are in our lives, the more new opportunities life brings to us……



  335.  #335Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 5:39 am

    Boomer: I don’t mind guys with bald/shaved heads. At least it’s clean and would prefer that to a guy trying to cover up a bald patch with hair or spray on hair!



  336.  #336Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 5:41 am

    @268: T-Girl says:
    “… He say “Yes. All a man has to do is look at a few pictures, send a couple e-mails, take the girl on a couple dates and the way women are now they jump in bed after 3 dates…”

    And… if any guys haven’t learned how to do this efficiently, there are PUA courses available to train them.

    xoxo
    SLV



  337.  #337Mel on March 30, 2011 at 5:42 am

    Re: 328

    Awesome Meemee!



  338.  #338Meemee on March 30, 2011 at 5:44 am

    I have a good life to look forward to.
    I got my tickets booked to germany Today. Now I have to prepare for the conference. I have to write my paper.
    I might be going to US in June if I get another of my paper gets accepted for a conference
    I am going to apply for lots of conferences so that I can work and travel for the rest of the year.
    That will help me heal
    meemee



  339.  #339kaitlyn on March 30, 2011 at 5:54 am

    Meemee,

    I’m so envious of your accomplishments and tenacity to follow your dreams. 🙂



  340.  #340Mel on March 30, 2011 at 5:55 am

    It’s funny… I always thought we women were so “in touch” with our feelings, but I’m discovering that, for me at least, my feelings were never actually being felt.

    I was feeling something… mostly anxiety and fear and icky physical manifestations of that anxiety. But I have been failing to feel what is actually behind all that. Those were just there as a wall of protection. I’m finding myself feeling a lot less anxious (which is a relief!) but my feelings are morphing into a sad melancholy as I am really starting to experience the heartbreak and helplessness and anger for what they really are. Yuck. I need to do something to uplift myself and create a better vibe. I don’t want to ignore the feelings though- I’ve been doing that for too long.

    Suggestions for working through the sadness? Journaling? Any good resources for meditations?



  341.  #341Lucy on March 30, 2011 at 5:59 am

    I was awake all night studying astrology (thanks to LG) and it was fascinating! wowowoweeeee!!! Learned really cool stuff and can see that it totally fits me and the men I’ve been interested in – once I knew both sun signs and venus signs!! wow! amazingly accurate. I know you’re all tired of hearing about wh and tn… but here’s something interesting – I am a gemini, wh is a gemini, and tn’s venus is in gemini – and the thing that attracted us to each other the most was our mutual playfulness – a gemini tra



  342.  #342Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 6:07 am

    Memee,

    Isn’t it wonderful to get your life back!!! 😉



  343.  #343Luzydel on March 30, 2011 at 6:08 am

    I did an experiment last night, to see how leaningback/forward makes me feel. I sent a txt to “d” (I know, bad girl me lol) he did txt me right away, but I felt my power and energy shifting, I felt ike I was loosing my light. He was nice and polite, but I did not like or felt good leaning forward. I won’t do it again, I just wanted to compare the difference I get in my vibe. I feel better and stronger leaning back. I never done it with past ‘relationships’ and I feel stronger inside when I just love me and take care of me.



  344.  #344Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 6:09 am

    Goodmorning Sirens 🙂

    reading through the blog felt good…and i’d like to weigh in :)….my favorite is 6’2″ and 220ish..i like big men..my last 3 CD’s have been really close to that…and hotpilot is 6’1″ 200ish with big muscles that you can see through his shirt…yum!! when i look at him i feel turned on…and physical looks really haven’t been that important to me…the personality seems to be the attractor for me

    Meemee…i feel happy reading about your progress…you sound really good 🙂

    Ladybird…i like that…”do something different” each day…be more flexible…that really resonates with me this morning..
    hmmm…i bought modern siren first too..then the heart connection tool kit and reconnect…i love all of them..and next i want to get commitment blueprint..i guess i’m not sure what to tell you to get next…the Tool kit is the least expensive and it has a lot of great stuff on there..she talks about the horse 🙂 actually i’m probably going to get her book that’s on Amazon next



  345.  #345Lucy on March 30, 2011 at 6:10 am

    trait. Also, my sun/venus combo explains the paradox of my nature that one guy described as “a gypsy soul with strong family and home ties.” Well, the gypsy soul fits my gemini sun (overall personality) sign…. and the family/home ties fits my cancer venus (love and relationships) sign! It all makes sense! And tn’s gemini being his venus sign instead of sun – a gypsy in Relationships – doesn’t suit me as a cancer/family girl in relationships, even tho I’m a gypsy in general. It makes our relationship val



  346.  #346Lucy on March 30, 2011 at 6:11 am

    values different.



  347.  #347Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 6:11 am

    Mel,

    I’m terrible with meditations, but did you think about enrolling into some kind of a course – professional or even dancing/cooking? May help to shift your perspective.



  348.  #348Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 6:13 am

    @314: Daria says:
    @Kaitlyn –
    “..ditto that is by far my fave body. Teary eyes..”

    You two would like my oldest brother, tall and very lean …. but he’s way too old for both of you… LOL 😆

    xoxo
    SLV



  349.  #349Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 6:15 am

    Jilly!!

    How was last night?



  350.  #350Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 6:17 am

    @318: kaitlyn says:
    Gimme 6’1″ and 165 and we’re REALLY on!!!

    LOL LOL LOL That’s my brother exactly, I think he’s 6′ 2 and 165/170.

    I wonder why none of the guys in my father are chubby? How come it’s just me???? Waaaaaa!!! 😥

    xoxo
    SLV



  351.  #351Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 6:18 am

    should be:

    I wonder why none of the guys in my family are chubby…



  352.  #352Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 6:22 am

    SLV,

    I shouldn’t have mentioned it, but yes, my friend who likes scarfs is in her early 70’s.



  353.  #353Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 6:25 am

    Kaitlyn,

    I had a couple of posts addressed to you on a prior thread, one was a rhetorical question and the other one was a question about your friend – a real one 😉 If you ever get a chance/time, please can you let me know what you think.



  354.  #354Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 6:29 am

    Mel: Invest time in doing things for you that all make you feel good. I have been listening to the calls from the WISH summit and have found them very good on all different aspects of life from relationships to abundance to health. Most of them are around 1 hour long and I download them and listen to them while doing other stuff at home or in bed at night. When I have been feeling sad about recent events I try to listen to something positive, i.e. uplifting music or something online as it engages me and STOPS the negative, sad thoughts. It’s not easy but it’s all small baby steps to walking in the right direction. Keeping a journal can help too as it gets it ‘out’ of your system. Meet up with friends/relatives for coffee, dinner, whatever but just get out and have fun with people. Exercise will boost your endorphins and I run, bike and swim which all help to keep me fit, help me look good and help me FEEL good. Maybe start a list of ‘things that make me feel good and happy’ and if you feel stuck, commit to doing one of these things?



  355.  #355Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 6:32 am

    so….here’s my update

    hotpilot and i had an amazing time over at my friend’s house…he offered to drive (he always drives) but i love that he offers before it becomes questionable…he was telling me a story before we left for their house and he referred to me as his “hot girlfriend” and i LIKED it lol…anywho

    i felt sure that i wanted us to have a heart to heart on the way home so as we are driving home (about 40 mins) i was feeling more and more nervous and i kept telling myself i didn’t have to say anything and then i would feel worse and kind of disconnected from him and i felt SO much anxiety!! For 40 MINS!! then as soon as we pulled in i said…
    ME: i’m feeling so happy being with you and i want us to be open and honest and i want to talk about something (i felt like i was stumbling over my words and making it worse!) lol i felt nervous that i was making it dramatic…oh well..what can ya do?? lol
    HIM: ok do you want to come inside
    ME: yes
    HIM: ok good…
    INSIDE..ME: well earlier you referred to me as your girlfriend and i liked it but i want to make sure that we are on the same page

    basically he said that he just kind of assumed that that’s where we were headed but he’s really glad i brought it up…

    i said i don’t want to be a girlfriend for very long…i want marriage and kids..and i feel nervous saying that because i don’t want to put pressure on either of us but if we are talking exclusivity then i feel better knowing that you know what i’m looking for…

    and he SAID…i’m not looking for a longterm girlfriend but i dont think it’s good to get married right away lol and we laughed and i agreed with him

    i expressed that i feel good when i’m with him and when i’m not with him and that’s super important to me and it feels really good and he agreed..

    he said if i want to date others (because i said i didn’t know we if we were exclusive so my options were open) that he would prefer i let him know ahead of time that i’m going on a date

    and i said i feel good seeing where things go with us…and we ended up having a very hot makeout session and i am sooo not worried about the sex anymore..our chemistry just gets better and better!!! with him saying thank you for telling me your feelings and how it made things a lot better between us..it brought us closer!!!

    both of us could feel the intimacy and connection of our heart to heart…yay!!!!!…



  356.  #356kaitlyn on March 30, 2011 at 6:33 am

    Alonka,

    Yes, I know what I’m looking for in a man and what my deal breakers are.

    As for my best friend, he’d like to date, and is trying to date. But his main concern is that it will hinder his focus on his career. He feels women need so much emotional attention, that his career will suffer. I used to tell him that’s an insult to my gender, but now I just say nothing and keep listening to the radio.



  357.  #357Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 6:34 am

    Jilly: thanks for the CD info. I gave myself March to listen to and work on Modern Siren. It’s time to take another baby step and order something else. I’m so happy to hear things are going so great for you, enjoy every moment!!



  358.  #358Mel on March 30, 2011 at 6:37 am

    Thanks Ladybird & Alonka

    I’m going to take my doggies for a walk and just get some fresh air and sunshine (although it’s still wintery here- can’t wait for spring to show up!).

    I think I’m also feeling sad because he’s going away for a few days and I’m feeling anxious and untrusting about that. At least I’ll have the car to myself while he’s gone though. I’ll have to come up with some fun places to go!



  359.  #359Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 6:39 am

    Alonka! i must have read your mind cause i was typing as you posted lol!!

    anyway the most important thing that i came away with last night was the fact that he said how good things were between us after we talked…

    i kept thinking of FW’s message/post to me about how men love honesty and that pulled me through to express my feelings no matter what..



  360.  #360kaitlyn on March 30, 2011 at 6:40 am

    Alonka,

    And my best friend, on his road to finding the one but circular dating, is encountering a total flake right now. She’s certainly not restoring his faith in women, but I keep telling him to keep meeting women- which he seems to have no problem meeting.



  361.  #361Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 6:40 am

    actually i take that back…the MOST important thing was i good I FELT after expressing myself and then how good HE felt too 🙂



  362.  #362Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 6:41 am

    ugg typos!! “the MOST important thing was “HOW” not “I” 🙂



  363.  #363Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 6:45 am

    thank you Ladybird 🙂 i am really enjoying it…i’ve never had a man i can be this social with…almost all of our dates so far have been with his friends or mine or we are doing something….amazing 🙂



  364.  #364Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 6:46 am

    @334: Ladybird says:
    “…SLV: ice cream and coffee sounds FAB.”

    It was… tee hee 😆 Actually, it was lemon sorbet. That sounds a tad bit healthier but not much… good with coffee though… 😀

    I think my “sweetie” might have preferred eggs and grits. I’m looking for a Black man and I know many have parents or grandparents from the South. I didn’t grow up with grits; I’ve tasted them but could never stand them and just don’t get it …

    but… I think I’m going to learn to cook grits. I’m adding weapons to my arsenal. tee hee 😆 I think there is a whole grits culture to learn.

    xoxo
    SLV



  365.  #365KS on March 30, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Jilly,
    Sure this sounds prety pathetic…but I must admit to living vicariously through you and your hot dates with hotpilot! 🙂



  366.  #366Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 6:48 am

    also..i have CD’s all week…with my girlfriends of course 🙂 today with my sister in law tomorrow with a gf and friday with a gf and hotpilot asked if i could fit him in somewhere lol…he said he loves that i have so many friends he’s trying to get them all straight 🙂



  367.  #367Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 6:48 am

    @335: Ladybird says:
    :…At least it’s clean and would prefer that to a guy trying to cover up a bald patch with hair or spray on hair!…”

    Or worse, a comb over!!! Or a toupee! Oh, no.

    xoxo
    SLV



  368.  #368Lorelei on March 30, 2011 at 6:50 am

    Yesterday’s coffee (FrenchMan) date texted today to say “so, tell me what you thought of our rendezvous. And shall we meet again?”

    As we parted yesterday, he said “Dinner? Friday or Saturday?” and we half arranged that it would be one or the other when I had checked my diary.

    I feel put on the spot, I don’t want to lead. It’s hard to know what I feel. He was very nervous and did a lot of nervous joking. I’m trying to be open, to stay open. He’s not as highly educated as I am, and hasn’t got a very good job, but perhaps has other good qualities shown by his devotion to his kids after divorce, and taking extra exams now to get a better job. There was a connection of some kind between us, but I don’t know what to say.

    Ideas and reactions please . .

    How about just “It felt good to meet you!” and not answer the direct question of whether we meet again.

    Has he forgotten that I had already agreed to dinner at the weekend. I feel surprised he’s not making arrangements for the half agreed weekend dinner. Maybe he’s not sure, and wanting me to lead. I don’t know what to say.



  369.  #369Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 6:53 am

    awww KS that makes me feel good…i do feel nervous sharing sometimes when i think it’s going “against” something here but i want to practice being vulnerable and open…and this is a good place to do it 🙂 i feel happy for you and that you are opening up just a little bit to the “idea” of CDing… men 🙂



  370.  #370Mel on March 30, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Dr. M. Paul on lying:

    “The problem is that you may never have taken the time to learn how to take loving care of yourself when someone important to you is angry, blaming, judgmental, or hurt. Or, you might never have taken the time to learn to value yourself enough so that you don’t have to try to control how people feel about you with lies or exaggerations. So you might lie as a way of protecting yourself from having to deal with their reaction, and as a way of trying to control how they feel about you.”

    Could this explain hubby’s lying?

    How can I be more open so that he feels safe telling me anything (even things that aren’t so pleasant)? I think in the past month or so I’ve showed tremendous growth in handling difficult situations without getting hysterical or blaming. I hope that he can someday trust me enough to handle the truth.



  371.  #371Mel on March 30, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Ladybird:

    Thanks for the WISH suggestion! The speakers look really interesting!



  372.  #372Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 6:55 am

    SLV…i just had coffee…and a lemon sorbet sounds yummy 🙂 just sayin



  373.  #373Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 6:55 am

    @340: Mel says:
    “…Suggestions for working through the sadness? Journaling? Any good resources for meditations?…”

    I might not be much more help. I still say go for the tango lessons, tango dance dress… and tango dance partner (platonic…but no one has to know that… I’m kind of naughty but in a sweet way I hope…) Shift your vibe, the topic of this thread.

    xoxo
    SLV



  374.  #374Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 7:00 am

    @344: Jilly says:
    “…and i’d like to weigh in ….my favorite is 6’2″ and 220ish..i like big men..my last 3 CD’s have been really close to that…”

    You know… I think this is my favorite too… but I’ve known guys all different sizes and shapes. For some reason… maybe the others have all been snapped up 😯 … I’m seeing a lot of 5’7″ guys in the available lot.

    xoxo
    SLV



  375.  #375Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 7:02 am

    lorelei…it seems like he is not wanting to be pushy but he is stepping up…he asked if he can see you friday or saturday

    what about…i felt good about it and dinner on “day” would feel good 🙂

    unless you don’t want to go to dinner? i hope i’m reading your post right 🙂



  376.  #376Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 7:04 am

    @352: Alonka says:
    “…SLV, I shouldn’t have mentioned it, but yes, my friend who likes scarfs is in her early 70′s.,,:

    Yes, you are right, she’s older. Cool. 8)
    I like scarves too. I don’t have now. Maybe I’ll invest in one or two. Hermes! Wow!

    xoxo
    SLV



  377.  #377LD on March 30, 2011 at 7:04 am

    SLV,

    I’m a southern girl….grits=YUMMY. So many ways you can eat them. With butter and cheese mixed in and some toast for breakfast or with bacon and shrimp for dinner. OR you can put butter, sugar and cinnamon and either eat them for dessert or breakfast that way.

    Want me some grits now….mmmmm….



  378.  #378Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 7:05 am

    Mel: ok so you know when you will have the car to yourself and can go places, yee haa! So, get online now and plan plan plan what you are gonna do. Go places and do things you can’t without the car so that you are making the most of the opportunity. And, when your husband is away you will be a busy bee doing things for YOU. Do Something Different! And when your husband calls to ask what you’ve been doing you will have lots to tell him. xx



  379.  #379Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 7:10 am

    @354: Ladybird says:
    “…have been listening to the calls from the WISH summit and have found them very good on all different aspects of life from relationships to abundance to health…”

    A very good resource and available at my favorite price, free! for a limited time I believe.

    Sirens can subscribe to access current and upcoming calls at wishsummit dot com

    Past tapes available.
    http://www.wishsummit.com/all-calls

    xoxo
    SLV



  380.  #380Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 7:14 am

    SLV: what are grits?? I may just need to go and take the coconut and lime ice-cream out of the freezer now……



  381.  #381Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 7:15 am

    Sorry it was LD that posted about the grits……



  382.  #382Confused on March 30, 2011 at 7:18 am

    Hi ladies,

    I am so confused about what to do in my current relationship that I don’t know how to balance my feelings from my actions. This is a little bit of a background: My bf and I have been dating for 6 years, but we broke up for a little while and now we are in the process of working things out. We have been in this process since August and the other night he said that he didn’t want us to be apart any longer (he said this own his own btw), but he was still hoping that things continue to go well. So basically we are still at the same place that we have been… working towards being together. He is waiting for a guarantee that when we get back together we won’t break up again (btw we broke up because of personal issues he was dealing with that he needed to do on his own not because we took each other for granted or anything like that). I told him that there will never be a guarantee like that, but you just have to take a leap of faith and hope it works out.

    So anyways, I have been trying to be patience, understand that this is a process and it is for the best; but sometimes I get so overwhelm with the rollercoaster of emotions that I break down. Most of the time I am really strong and look at the positive, but after he said that he didn’t want us to be apart any longer (but we still aren’t back together) I am losing hope that we really will get back together. I had an emotional breakdown with him the other night were I was crying and telling about my fear of this. In the end, I had to leave because I was so upset that I knew it wasn’t going to help anything. He texted me that he was there for me and he understood that it is hard sometimes, but our love will prevail. It was sweet that he said that to me and I appreciate it (and know he is there for me), but I am still sad together because I have been waiting so long to be back together. I have waited so long for us to start our lives together (back again)and I just feel tired of this rollercoaster ride of emotions. I want to get off, but I don’t want to give up on us. What do I do here? I have been CDing myself and trying to keep busy, but I can’t forget something that is in my heart. Do you ladies have any suggestions? 🙂



  383.  #383Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 7:18 am

    @355: Jilly says:
    “…he said if i want to date others ) that he would prefer i let him know ahead of time that i’m going on a date…”

    I’m glad to see this came up on the blog. What do you think about this? I’m going to ponder this for myself because reading this I have an uncomfortable take on it.

    I don’t think I would want to check with one man before I go on a date with another. I haven’t thought about it but pretty sure I can say at the moment I would not want to do it. What are you going to do?

    xoxo
    SLV



  384.  #384Mel on March 30, 2011 at 7:20 am

    I LOVE looking at things from this perspective. There are lots of articles if you register even under the “free” account… Dr. M. Paul (Inner bonding):
    ———
    “What are you telling yourself that is upsetting you when he doesn’t call?”

    “That he doesn’t care about me. That he has been in an accident. That he is having an affair.”

    “Then, of course, you feel upset because you are telling yourself things that you don’t know to be true. What if you told yourself, ‘H is not calling me because he is overwhelmed with work, he is a forgetful person, and he is in resistance to being controlled by me. So I’m going to call a friend and go out to dinner. Or, I’m going to go to the gym whenever he is late. Or, I’m going to rent a movie and eat in front of the TV whenever he is late. Would you still be so upset?”

    We totally have a control-resistance thing happening here. I never realized how some of my actions could be perceived as controlling…. more to work on!



  385.  #385Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 7:26 am

    @368: Lorelei says:
    “… I don’t know what to say…”

    “What do you have in mind?”

    (unless you never want to see him again.)

    xoxo
    SLV



  386.  #386Jeannette on March 30, 2011 at 7:27 am

    I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself when I shouldn’t. My fiance told me over the phone last night that they found a small spot on his lung after doing a CT scan. He is receiving treatment for liver cancer. I am over here flipping out, wondering what’s next. He told me the nurse told him they arn’t even sure the new spot is cancer. But…..if it is…..it means the cancer is spreading. My fiance lives with his brother who is also ill with heart trouble. SO he’s trying to help his brother and take care of himself too. I just feel so alone right now…..



  387.  #387Mel on March 30, 2011 at 7:29 am

    Hugs Jeannette!



  388.  #388T-Girl on March 30, 2011 at 7:32 am

    RE 329 SLV

    To undo a favorite in POF, go into “Favorites” and “See who has made me a favorite” (I can’t remember the exact wording here), then on the right there is a link that says “Remove”

    Everytime I keep removing one guy he keeps adding me back lol



  389.  #389Jeannette on March 30, 2011 at 7:33 am

    Thanks Mel. Life can be so sucky sometimes…I feel like I am going into a state of depression. If this isn’e enough, my sister’s husband committed suicide 2 weeks ago. He hung himself in their house and now she has to live with it all. He was a serious bi polar alcoholic. Man am I getting depressed!



  390.  #390Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 7:34 am

    Kaitlyn,

    Thanks, I see about your friend. Did you tell him you’re listening to radio during these conversations lol

    I asked you if you know what you’re looking for because for the longest time I myself only looked at guys’ qualities absolutely ignoring their ability to have a relationship, thinking that I’m ‘special’ and with me they would change. Well, now I know better!



  391.  #391Boomer on March 30, 2011 at 7:35 am

    Ladybird 335 – Spray-on hair!!! Ewwwwww!



  392.  #392Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 7:37 am

    @377: LD says:

    “…Want me some grits now….mmmmm…”

    Ok, maybe I’ll try them again. The last time was about twenty five years ago. I’ve seen them with gravy too. Chicken with waffles was new to me also but I’ve embraced that. Yum! See, I knew there was a whole grits culture but I still keep thinking of cream of wheat with milk and raisins… I like that and grits taste different.

    xoxo
    SLV



  393.  #393Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 7:38 am

    Lorelei: when he asked you about dinner on Friday or Saturday how did that make you feel? Did you feel ‘yes I’d like another date with him’ or ‘no, don’t want to see him again’? If you do want to see him, I’d tell him which evening and time is best for you. He was giving you plenty of notice which is good. Some people are nervous on first dates. He is asking you if you want to meet again and taking the lead so he is keen to see you. Would you feel uncomfortable telling him what day/time is good for you to meet?



  394.  #394Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 7:38 am

    Jeanette ((((hugs))) we are here for you

    Confused…kinda sounds like your man is giving you mixed messages…saying one thing doing another…a man does what he wants to do..actions speak louder than words…based on his actions…what do you think/feel? are you at a point where you are willing to walk away if he doesn’t step up?

    Mel…yay…i’m likin what you’re postin 😉



  395.  #395Mel on March 30, 2011 at 7:40 am

    Jeannette,

    I’m not really a good person to offer advice about getting over depressing feelings, because I’m struggling with this myself. The ladies on this board have been super helpful and supportive though. They have all been encouraging me to try to do fun and enriching things for myself. I know it’s hard though because when you are feeling down and sad, the last thing you feel like doing is going out. I often just feel like hiding. But I have definitely noticed an improvement when I force myself to get out of the house, even just for a walk and focus on what I can do to make me happy. It takes time though, and I have had to be really patient with myself.



  396.  #396Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 7:40 am

    Jilly,

    WOW it all sounds like an amazing start for something really great. Very happy it’s happening!!!!



  397.  #397Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 7:41 am

    ((((Jeanette)))) so sorry to hear that…… sending support and hugs your way. xx



  398.  #398turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 7:42 am

    Good morning Sirens, I feel fabulous today. So glad my horomones are back to normal.

    Kaitlyn~ Definitely not contacting Tom. I feel sad about his disappearing, really sad, but trying to focus on other things. And you are all right, he’s not going to say anything I want to hear even if he would reply… so not giving him anymore of my energy. 🙂

    Jilly, sounds like things are going really really well 🙂 SO happy for you!!!

    Mel~ I’m sorry you feel so down. I was 31 when my ex and I separated, bringing back a lot of memories hearing your story, we had so many similar problems. Do you have friends to spend your free time with? I know you are new to the area, but if not, that is what I would work on. My girlfriends are my saving grace…. and it’s wonderful to have someone to enjoy your free time with. 🙂 I like Alonka’s suggestion, take a cooking class, or maybe yoga?



  399.  #399LD on March 30, 2011 at 7:42 am

    SLV,

    with any southern food, don’t be stingy with the butter and the cheddar cheese…. : )



  400.  #400Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 7:43 am

    Boomer: Exactly…… I know a guy who uses it and it’s horrible, told him for years just to shave what he has off as he is very handsome and the shaved look would suit him. Give me a clean bald/shaved head any day!!



  401.  #401Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 7:43 am

    SLV…well…honestly i feel great about not dating other men right now…if i didn’t then i would say so to him that it didn’t feel good to “check” in with him about my activities…but this is just my own little experiment…i know it will probably raise some eyebrows…



  402.  #402Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 7:44 am

    @380: Ladybird says:
    “SLV: what are grits?? I may just need to go and take the coconut and lime ice-cream out of the freezer now……”

    I’m not really sure. I think it’s like polenta. LD is the good cook and probably can fill us in. I’ve decided to add it to my repetoire of man-catching skills.

    My ex-husband’s ancestry is from South also, and they ate rice. I didn’t know that either and couldn’t cook it. My mother made noodles or potatoes and the only rice I knew was “minute rice.” He thought that was a sin… 😆

    xoxo
    SLV



  403.  #403Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 7:46 am

    thanks Camile 🙂 and i’m right there with ya on the hormone thing! i’m feeling back to me finally



  404.  #404Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Alonka..thank you! 🙂



  405.  #405Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Confused: I second what Jilly posted. I went through that roller coaster of emotions and it made me feel sick so I got off. I walked away and know I made the right decision as I began to feel so much better without the highs and lows. He didn’t walk his talk so I walked. I know this isn’t easy as you have been ‘together’ for many years but you deserve to feel loved and feel happy! xx



  406.  #406Lorelei on March 30, 2011 at 7:49 am

    SLV 385 and Ladybird 393

    When he said “Dinner?” yesterday, I said “yes” cos it’s definitely not an I-never-want-to-see-him-again situation.

    So, I’m combining both suggestions into ” It felt good to meet you. Saturday evening looks good – what do you have in mind?”



  407.  #407turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Jeanette,

    Oh I am so sorry to hear what all you are going through. It’s so hard dealing with an illness. Try not to worry until you know there is something to worry about. I know, easier said than done.



  408.  #408Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 7:52 am

    Lorelei: that sounds good. It’s al good practice and he may be less nervous on Saturday?



  409.  #409Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 7:52 am

    camile…what’s the latest about the rasberry pie man? 🙂



  410.  #410Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 7:54 am

    @388: T-Girl says:
    “…Everytime I keep removing one guy he keeps adding me back lol …”

    He must be “in luv.” LOL 😆

    Thanks.

    xoxo
    SLV



  411.  #411Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 7:54 am

    Alonka…any updates? 🙂



  412.  #412Jeannette on March 30, 2011 at 7:56 am

    Jilly, what do you mean my man is giving me mixed messages? Can you explain?



  413.  #413Mel on March 30, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Turquoise 3: Thanks for your support! I’m not giving up, but I’m realizing that I can only work on me.

    I’ve been trying to pay attention to what he is telling me lately, and to try to learn from it. I really want to try to understand where he is coming from.

    This morning he was telling me a story about a security guard at his work who wouldn’t let him take his coffee mug out with him during a fire drill. It made him SO angry that someone would try to tell him what to do for no good reason.

    Earlier this week, he was expressing his frustration to me that his mom just expected him to shell out $1000 to fly back home for a family funeral, even though money is really tight right now. Not that he didn’t want to go, but he didn’t like that it was expected. he said “She always does that. I hate feeling manipulated into doing things. Just because I never complain about money, she thinks that I have everything so easy. She never realizes how hard I have to work for everything.”

    In these two interactions, I am sensing that he really hates to feel controlled or manipulated into doing things. I just never realized how much I might have been trying to control him in the relationship. For example explaining how I feel to get him to “understand”, (really to get him to change), giving him a hard time about working late (maybe with the hope that he would spend more time with me), etc… I think I can change these patterns in myself.

    I also sensed that he really needs to be appreciated for all that he does, so I’m trying to do that more in a genuine way. I’m really trying to be open to learning.



  414.  #414Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 7:58 am

    Jeanette..did i say that? um…let me go back through..i probably didn’t mean to post that to you..i’m gonna double check right now



  415.  #415Confused on March 30, 2011 at 7:58 am

    @394: Hi Jilly, thanks for your response. I feel/think that he is stepping up. He has made tremendous step to work on himself and our relationship. Where we are now compared to a year ago is so amazingly different and I am thankful for that. It is just harder for me to be patience on this because I don’t know what else needs to be done for him to feel safe enough to want to make that final leap. Also, I think (not sure, but I think) that he is ok with the baby steps because he knows somewhere deep down when this is going to happen, but he doesn’t want to say in case something gets messed up. I think he is protecting himself and he is trying to stay in control. If we get back togehter that control is gone. (However, he isn’t controlling so don’t think that is what I am saying).

    Also to answer your question, I am not ready to walk away… not yet at least… we have been working so hard and moving along (just slowly) that is hard to step away from that. It would be different if we kept taking steps forward nad then giant step backwards, but that isn’t what is happening… we are moving forward I just want to go alittle faster.

    Does this make sense?



  416.  #416Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 7:58 am

    T-girl: that’s too funny about the guy adding you back as a favourite, he’s not taking ‘no’ for an answer!



  417.  #417Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 8:01 am

    oh Jeanette…i posted to you and then i posted to Confused…another poster lol they weren’t together…sorry for the mix up..you were probably like…huh? is jilly on crack?!



  418.  #418Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 8:05 am

    i keeping leaving an N off …i mean jeannette 🙂



  419.  #419Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 8:06 am

    Confused: yes, us women expect things to move at a faster pace. Perhaps invest more time doing things for you to take the time pressure off and feel a bit more relaxed about it all?



  420.  #420Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 8:06 am

    @399: LD says:
    “…SLV, with any southern food, don’t be stingy with the butter and the cheddar cheese…. : ) ..”

    Oh, I’ve seen Paula Deen. She never met a stick of butter she didn’t like. I like butter and cheese too! A lot! And I am fond of biscuits and what my Southern cousins called “light rolls.” Those ladies cooked super breakfasts, mostly for special occasions. We have that tradition in our family too. But it’s my son that cooks the special breakfasts. He does that as a treat for his wife.

    xoxo
    SLV



  421.  #421Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 8:09 am

    @401: Jilly says:
    “…but this is just my own little experiment…i know it will probably raise some eyebrows… ”

    I’m experimental too, learning, growing and doing what’s right for me. 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  422.  #422Jeannette on March 30, 2011 at 8:11 am

    Jilly, that’s okay! Really, it’s sort of funny, at least it made me laugh and I need to laugh!



  423.  #423Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 8:11 am

    Confused @415 hmmm…i get what you are saying…i wish i had some great insight for you 🙁

    maybe answer some of these questions

    What would it take for you to feel more powerful in your relationship with him? For you to not feel so dependent on him and his timeline…(this part right here is something to really look at)

    do you have a timeline for how long you will do this for if it doesn’t improve dramatically?

    do you feel you will be ok no matter what..with or without him?

    what do you think of these questions?



  424.  #424Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 8:13 am

    @406: Lorelei says:
    “…So, I’m combining both suggestions into ” It felt good to meet you. Saturday evening looks good – what do you have in mind?…”

    I knew you’d make it better; you did. 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  425.  #425turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Jilly,

    We texted for a bit back and forth last night, he was watching a movie and I was on here 🙂 Then I mentioned that I’d posted more pics to my POF profile, and he replied back that it would make his night to see them, and gave me his email address. (guess he’d rather I sent them directly to him)

    Then a little later he wrote to tell me which two he liked the best, one of which was just from last month, so that was good. Besides being an electrical engineer, he is a fitness instructor, so I wanted to include some full body shots. I could stand to lose at least 30 pounds….. wanted to make sure he wasn’t looking for a hardbody.

    Then, he wrote again to say goodnight and I replied that I was just about to get a bath, sweet dreams!

    He replied that sounded relaxing and sweet dreams to me too. About 30 min. later he sent me a picture of him in Columbia. I replied that it was cute.. probably should have said handsome. He’s 43!

    Truthfully, looks wise, not sure he’s really my type.. None are closeups, but I’m definitely willing to meet him in person, see how it goes. He sounds so interesting, I’d love to get to know him better. 🙂 Besides, he grows rasberries… I need some for my pie!



  426.  #426Mercedes on March 30, 2011 at 8:13 am

    “You may never have even noticed when things shifted. They just did. You feel better. You feel stronger. You tolerate less pain. You feel more peaceful. You appreciate a man standing in front of you instead of judging him and worrying. You smile. You’re less afraid to speak your truth.”

    This is exactly how it worked for me. I did notice when things shifted but I can see that not everyone would. In any case…yes…that pretty much sums up how it feels when you “get it right” (for lack of a better phrase).

    Thanks Rori!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  427.  #427Jilly on March 30, 2011 at 8:14 am

    Jeannette…oh good! i laughed too! i’m glad it made you laugh 🙂

    SLV…thanks 🙂 i felt good reading your post 421 🙂

    ok i’m off to my workout..not feeling too motivated this morning….uggg! ill feel better once i’m done though



  428.  #428Confused on March 30, 2011 at 8:15 am

    @419: Thanks Ladybird! I am trying…and believe me this feeling doesn’t happen all the time. I am just having a hard week because I miss us and I want to begin this life with him. I know I still need to be patient, but to me a year is a long time… to him he is just happy that we are growing together. I need to be thankful (and i am), but I just know life if short and I am afraid that we are taking for granted our second chance. Does that sound crazy?

    Anyways, tonight I am going to dinner with friends and taking some time away from it. I judge myself alot and I feel like if I am stating these feelings it is lessen the importance of our relationship; which in turns makes those NV come out even more. Ahh…ok enough, refocusing. 🙂

    xoxo



  429.  #429Jeannette on March 30, 2011 at 8:16 am

    Guys, I get sort of mad cuz Steve, my fiance, is always doing things for his brother. I understand he lives with him and just likes to help him out but it makes it so we don’t see each other so much. We get together in Fri. Sat. and Sun. for several hours, sometimes he stays the night. But I told him I don’t think we should live together til we are married. To be truthful, I don’t think he would leave his brother right now because his brother has heart trouble and he’s trying to help him. But, sometimes I feel like he puts Rick his brother before me. I think I’m just lonely. I feel he feels he has to make his brother happy in order to stay with him. Rick is sort of weird. One time Steve called Rick to tell him he was staying the night with me and Rick pouted over the phone. That REALLY PISSED ME OFF! Do you think I have the right to say something like, “sometimes Rick pisses me off, and sometimes I feel you worry more about his feelings then you do mine!”



  430.  #430turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 8:18 am

    Mel, did you read Rori’s newsletter today? It really made me think about how in my marriage, I was so focused on him and his issues, as if those were more damaging to our relationship, and completely ignoring my own. I wish I’d read that 6 years ago, may have made a difference. He has changed, not everything, but he’s a different person now than he was when we were married, he grew. I have also, but my weight was always an issue for him, and it’s still something I haven’t dealt with. He seems to be telling you how controlled he feels, must be hard for him. Sounds like you are on the right track!!! 🙂



  431.  #431LD on March 30, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Turquoise,

    Columbia as in SC? Where are you? I’m in SC….



  432.  #432Senior Lady Vibe on March 30, 2011 at 8:23 am

    @431: LD says:
    “…Turquoise,
    Columbia as in SC? Where are you? I’m in SC….”

    Somehow read that as “Colombia”… I guess because in-laws are from there. LOL 😆

    xoxo
    SLV



  433.  #433Brenda on March 30, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Daria,

    Re: #315 – I was just kidding…still struggling with not contacting tho. I know it’s not the way to go. Just miss him so much…



  434.  #434Confused on March 30, 2011 at 8:25 am

    @423: Jilly, no need for great insight… you just answering me is great help. 🙂

    Answers to the questions:

    1.What would it take for you to feel more powerful in your relationship with him? For you to not feel so dependent on him and his timeline…(this part right here is something to really look at) First off, great question! Secondly, selfishly, it would take us incorporating family/friends back into our lives for me to start to feel like we are really moving in that direction. However, in reality, it would take me stop judging myself and not make myself feel unworthy because he isn’t ready to fully commit, but to understand that as long as we are moving forward that we are learning and growing and everything else is just a title. I just am not sure how to stop these feelings because I only feel this way with him… and its not when I am with him just when I am away from him because I am really scared that all this hard work isn’t going to get the results away and I am letting that feel overtake me sometimes (not most times, but some times).

    2. do you have a timeline for how long you will do this for if it doesn’t improve dramatically? I at first thought is would be a year, but that is next week and I am not ready to do that… but I need to renew my lease in November, but I think I want to look into buying a house or something so if things don’t change drastically by then I know I will have to walk away. I am ready to start the next chapter of my life with or with out him.

    3. do you feel you will be ok no matter what..with or without him. Yes I know I will be just fine with or without him. I am still becoming a better person and in this last year I have learned a lot about myself. I am excepting more of who I am.. and understanding it is ok that I may not always say that right things or do the right things, but I am learning each time.

    Great questions btw 🙂



  435.  #435Mel on March 30, 2011 at 8:27 am

    Re: 430

    Argh! No, I’m STILL not getting the newsletters! It seems that there are a bunch of us that aren’t getting them despite signing up many times.

    Is there a link to the newsletter?

    It would be so much easier if he TOLD me outright what his issues with me are, because I’m very open to learning about myself and to change right now. But… if I can be more open and really listen to what he is saying, perhaps I can get the same information.



  436.  #436Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 8:27 am

    Alicia I agree with Daria it seems he is practicing. I have experienced it with two recently. One I wrote here about some time ago that he has an ex in his life that I felt had decided to make his life miserable and I literally pushed him off my horse in the beginning of the year because I could not figure out how I would deal with her if we settled together. I was so worried I kept telling our mutual friends I was afraid he would propose to me and I would not know what to do. I heard recently that he traveled to his home country where he will be getting married this weekend. My take is that he was in a place where he wanted to get married. I felt that very strongly last year though the peck was maybe 3 – 4 times in my case. He kept on talking about marriage so I went from getting close and drawing away over about a 2 year period. What my experience was was that he seemed to fall in love more when I drew back and then became ambivalent when I relaxed and opened up to him. When I spoke about our “relationship” he would pull back and become apologetic. So for the most part I stayed close and made suggestions about him going back home and getting married, then let friends here know about it. I constantly gave messages that I want to get married but that I was dating others and made comments so he could see that he could not offer me what I wanted. I practiced being very vulnerable with him in addition to crying once. He would call everyday first thing in the morning, sometimes throughout the day and last thing at night. So I had reason to be fearful. He claimed he had not gotten married before because he wanted to put his kids through school first. I feel happy and relieved that he is getting married now and I see myself being even closer friends with him when he returns because I intend to find out what his internal process was and how long he “dated” this person seeing it was a LDR. He used to call me singing songs on the phone, some of them with my name in it and a lot of other things you might not believe if I wrote it here. I feel guys who experience the Siren vibe want to stay close to it regardless of what is going through their heads or what their real situation/circumstances are.



  437.  #437Jeannette on March 30, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Girls, any thoughts about post #429? I don’t mean to be selfish but sometimes I think we have a right to say something. What do you think?



  438.  #438turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 8:34 am

    LD and SLV, Colombia as in South America. 🙂 I’m from Pittsburgh!



  439.  #439turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 8:41 am

    SLV… we are just on the same wave length, you read past my typos 🙂 Hottravelguy travels extensively for his job…. he’s been so many places, I’m envious, I LOVE to travel!



  440.  #440Mel on March 30, 2011 at 8:42 am

    Re: 429

    I would stick to feeling messages that don’t blame or make him responsible. Stating my anger like “it really pisses me off when….” has never gotten me anywhere.

    As for how to say it better, I’m still working on this myself. I might say “I’m feeling ignored.” But maybe that’s still too blamey… Perhaps “I’m feeling insecure. I want to feel important to you. Can you help me with this?”

    I don’t know… I’m sure the other ladies might have better suggestions. 🙂



  441.  #441Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 8:42 am

    Jeanette: I hear what you are saying but also feel that you are emotional and stressed just now so maybe hold off? Your fiance is unwell and so is his brother and you have suffered a bereavement in your family. Can you process your feelings and maybe write them/type them out to get this out of your system and free you a bit? I don’t want you to say something and then regret saying it but I agree that you need to get it off your chest. You can share with us too if that helps? Please don’t feel like you are alone, we are all here for you! xx



  442.  #442turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Mel, men can be so difficult, he may feel like he shouldn’t have to tell you, you should just know.

    Jeannette, I’d tread lightly in that area. Family can be a touchy subject, and he’s ill. Maybe you could swing it another way and say you understand how close he is with his brother, but that you feel left out or that you aren’t as much of a priority as you’d like to be. I’m worried it could come across as selfish though, which is why I said to tread lightly.



  443.  #443Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 8:48 am

    RE 386 Jeannette((((((((hugs))))))) to you. I have two people in my life who experienced the same type of advice from techinicians. When they eventually did more detailed imaging and tests nothing was found. I would say to you relax, pray and wait for conclusive tests. Worrying will change nothing. As a matter of fact it might only have the possibility of changing things for the worse because if your shocked/depressed feelings seep out it could cause him to feel worse and trigger other things. It is what it is, I have learnt some lessons in my current situation with my dad and though things seem to be moving in the right direction right now I chose over the weekend to spend as much time with him as possible to get quality time in and share in good memories with the whole family. Though he was not fully alert last night after the surgery he responded to us and I am sure the positive energy helped him a bit as he recovered.

    Jeannette take care of yourself and try to focus on the good experiences you have had with him.



  444.  #444Jeannette on March 30, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Girls, I am going to admit, I FEEL selfish. I need to write my feelings down. I really think what’s at the bottom of this is that they found a spot on his lung and I’m just plain afraid that we don’t even have a future. I have been feeling very alone this morning and very discouraged. Just after finding ea other after 40 years. We dated in high school and were soooo happy to find ea other again. Thought, wow if this isn’t fate, what is?! Then the cancer emerged. Oh soooo difficult…..



  445.  #445Mel on March 30, 2011 at 8:50 am

    Is anyone able to post the link to the latest newsletter?



  446.  #446LD on March 30, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Jeannette,

    I agree with turquoise. If he feels like he needs to be there for his ill brother and you make him feel guilty for that, he could end up resenting you. Especially if his brother takes a turn for the worse or dies. My advice is to CD yourself and your girlfriends to keep your vibe up during this difficult time…



  447.  #447Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 8:52 am

    Jeannette

    #437: I’m sure you have to say something if you want the situation changed, but I’m not good at this, hope other sirens will give you a better advice.



  448.  #448tinque on March 30, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Mel – I sent it to you.

    xxoo



  449.  #449Jeannette on March 30, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Girls, I feel like I have entered a very very hard time in my life. I am beginning to sink into some depression and just don’t even know what to do. I am tired of the counseling thing..Every time I get my hopes up then BAM!!! the rug is pulled out. I want to be happy, but the days I am, it seems bad news follows not long after. I also want Steve here with me. But if we got married, he wouldn’t be able to afford all his medical costs. It’s the prescriptions more then anything. He’s on assistance at the time. Are we NOT supposed to be with one another? I am beginning to wonder!



  450.  #450turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Hi, Camile, if you feel incredibly drawn to and involved with a man who is making you feel bad, you don’t have to walk away! Leaving is a last resort, and, if you use my Tools, you’ll never have to use that last resort, or even ever again give him an ultimatum.

    There’s SO MUCH you can do to transform your relationship right now that will also transform HIM – and practically overnight – before you have to even consider folding your tent and moving on.

    The Tools you need to feel tremendously POWERFUL inside yourself and then speak to a man in a way he can actually HEAR are all in my Toxic Man program. You can watch some of it and work with it risk-free. If you don’t agree that it’s valuable in resolving your difficult situation, just tell me to cancel it within 30 days and I’ll refund your money:

    http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/ToxicMen

    I know it will help you turn things around and find the loving closeness you deserve in a relationship. Real women worked with me onstage to demonstrate how to use the Tools, and you’ll see how easy it is to change things in only one moment.

    Dear Camile,

    If you’re struggling in a relationship with a man who blows hot and cold, says one thing and does another, is incredibly sweet one moment and then ignores you the next, I know how awful that can be.

    I’m realistic. I know that sometimes a man isn’t right for you – he’s just not a good fit – and that you can do SO much better with a man who IS right for you, and so much FASTER than you can imagine.

    I also know that you can’t transform EVERY “Toxic” Man – and some men are so truly Toxic that you wouldn’t WANT to actually have them in your life if you could see how truly BAD for you they are.

    But – and here’s the really IMPORTANT “realistic” truth – most men are good guys in disguise!

    A man can be clueless – he may not know exactly HOW to be a good guy, but he CAN be transformed.

    He may actually WANT to learn, and he may actually WANT to make you happy.

    Even a very “difficult” man can change.

    The trick is in knowing HOW to both INSPIRE him to WANT to change, and how to HELP him do it.

    The way in is through the RELATIONSHIP.

    By changing some fundamental things about the way you think, the way you talk, and what you do, you can affect the relationship in such a huge way that the man transforms right along with it.

    It’s almost a magical experience – I know what it felt like that when it happened for me many years ago.

    When my lovely husband turned moody and neglectful – even criticizing and mean – I was devastated.

    What I learned to do that changed the way I felt inside myself and about myself was I changed the way I spoke and acted with him, and then that completely changed the whole relationship.

    Within weeks, he seemed like a totally different person, and so did I.

    I was happy!

    Here’s a success story about Julie, whose situation was as bad as it gets, and I’ll share with you some of the ways we turned it all around, so you can feel hopeful for your own love life.

    Julie’s husband drank.

    He wasn’t (she was pretty sure) an alcoholic, but his “recreational” life had always centered around the neighborhood bar and his friends who all drank, too.

    He was in the habit of drinking so late in the evening, and hanging out with his friends so late, that instead of driving home to be with Julie, he’d just crash with a friend, not even call her to let her know where he was, and then show up in the morning as if nothing had happened, crawl into bed with her, and try to get cuddly and have sex.

    Julie was enraged.

    Wouldn’t you be?

    There were so many other things he was critical and mean to her, he was just an out-and- out “little boy.”

    And what was almost even more challenging for us to work with – Julie felt she had her OWN “issues.”

    The worse things got with her husband, Brian, the more she ate to comfort herself, and her weight had ballooned to where – on top of everything else – she was feeling bad about HERSELF.

    Before she contacted me, she had “thrown him out of the house,” and he’d moved into a friend’s temporarily vacant apartment.

    They were separated for about 2 months, then he begged her to take him back, said he’d reformed, attempted to prove himself to her, and she agreed to try again.

    When she first called me, they’d been back together about 2 months.

    He was still acting like a little boy, though, and still staying out all night. To put the icing on the cake, she found out that during the separation he’d had an affair with a co-worker.

    I’m sure you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that Julie’s family and every friend she knew told her to divorce him NOW.

    But she loved him.

    She felt a real connection with him, a real interest in him as a person, and the fun times they had were off the charts for her.

    But his little boy behavior – even though it had all improved tremendously and he seemed to have grown up quite a bit – was impossible for her to live with, and the image of his betrayal of her with the other woman, even though he and Julie had been technically “separated” at the time, was eating at her insides.

    She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stop eating, and didn’t know how to handle her anger and despair.

    Yet, within another 2 months (everything in twos here!) the marriage had turned around so dramatically that I consider it to be one of the finest marriages I know about!

    Here’s how we did it:

    First (and you’ll learn about this in my Toxic Men program), Julie had to “understand” what the powerful draw to this man’s “toxicity” was.

    She had to “get” how his drinking and “little- boy” problem made her feel “stronger” and “better” than him somehow, and how that felt good to her in a deep way she hadn’t realized.

    She also had to really look at how HIS problems were HELPING her to take the focus off of her own issues – especially how she was not taking good care of herself, and how that made it so difficult for her to RECEIVE love.

    So I had her refocus all her energies.

    She focused on “blooming” her life outside of the marriage – she joined a gym, she went to a nutritional center and focused on her health, she took walks, she went out with her friends, she focused on choosing something to do that made her feel happy whenever she could.

    Whenever she found herself getting angry at her husband’s lack of discipline, she attended to her own sense of discipline in taking care of herself.

    When the image of the “other woman” came up, she allowed herself to FEEL it, and then she used my Tools to shift that image into something that made her feel better.

    Bit by bit, moment by moment, she started to climb out of that pit of despair she was in, and get a bigger picture for herself – of a better, more fulfilling life.

    What Julie did, and what you’ll learn to do in Toxic Men, is to take herself OUT of the Toxic dynamic between her and her husband.

    She stopped telling him what to do to be more responsible, and instead used all her energy for herself.

    Julie discovered she was a much “bigger” and better person than she’d thought she was.

    She started feeling better.

    And that whole new, happier, stronger “vibe” around her completely changed the relationship – and her husband right along with it.

    Arguments stopped.

    She learned how to “Opt-Out.” (This Tool is in Toxic Men – it’ll help you stop feeling drained by your man and all the work you’re doing to save the relationship and instead change things effortlessly.)

    If you’d like to get some free help and to watch some of Toxic Men go here right now:

    http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/ToxicMen

    All of a sudden, Julie’s husband started coming home at night.

    And when he didn’t, she handled it in a completely different way – a way he’d never seen before and that made him want to try harder to make her happy.

    It was as if he was growing up before her eyes, and at the same time, she was changing.

    She felt stronger, healthier – she felt so good taking care of herself and was shocked to see how her taking care of herself was making HIM want to take care of HER!

    Everything was working backwards from the way she’d been trying to make it work.

    The “other woman” was the most difficult part.

    Julie couldn’t forget, forgive, or stop thinking about it.

    This is where she had to make a choice.

    Now that she knew that this could be a good marriage – did she WANT it?

    Did she want to be with a man who’d “betrayed” her, or did she want to start fresh with a new man?

    All of a sudden, what had felt painful, desperate, overwhelming, back-to-the-wall and impossible, felt like a “choice” she had the power and the strength to make.

    And the choice she made was to stay.

    She decided that what she had here with her husband was a true, deep connection, and that it was meaningful and actually felt wonderful to her.

    She decided that both of them had grown through this experience, and MOST IMPORTANT, she now believed her husband to be – objectively, without looking at him through desperate, angry eyes – a man with whom she could have an Expanding Relationship.

    I explain the Expanding Relationship in Toxic Men, but briefly – it’s the opposite of a Toxic Relationship.

    In an Expanding Relationship, both people are about HELPING the other to become the best, happiest person they can be.

    In an Expanding Relationship, her husband would be COMMITTED to helping Julie grow as a person their whole lives together – as she was already committed to being there for HIM.

    In an Expanding Relationship, they could help EACH OTHER go farther and faster, to realize their true potential, both in love and out there in the world.

    In an Expanding Relationship they would both be totally committed to developing true INTIMACY instead of “just getting along.”

    And that’s what happened.

    Julie felt completely SUPPORTED for the first time in her life.

    She felt her husband was already grown up enough to be a real support for her, and that she didn’t have to “train” him anymore.

    He’d changed.

    She didn’t feel the need to “mold” him anymore.

    She’d begun to TRUST him.

    She made the decision to start fresh, give him a true second chance, deal with her feelings about the “other woman” who was NOT in his life (he even did MORE than he needed to do to be open and prove to Julie that she was the only woman in his life, the only woman who would ever matter – and she could FEEL that).

    Her marriage felt fantastic.

    All her friends’ mouths were hanging open.

    Her family re-embraced him.

    He pretty much abandoned his boyish hanging- out-with-the-boys-at-the-bar behavior and focused himself on his business.

    He started to look at his own issues with a realistic eye, and both of them completely stopped being defensive.

    They were achieving a real partnership.

    This marriage had pretty low odds of succeeding, and yet it has – and brilliantly.

    So I KNOW you have hope, and I want you to believe in yourself and FEEL that hope..

    The Tools in Toxic Men will help you discover WHY you’re experiencing the pain of toxic relationships, WHAT you can do to change that, and then EXACTLY HOW (demonstrated by real women working with me onstage) you can turn things around for yourself.

    You can watch a bit of Toxic Men, and then order a copy of the program and enjoy it at home for 30 days risk-free. I know you’ll get a lot of value and inspiration from Toxic Men, and if not, send it back to me and I’ll refund your money.

    Click here:

    http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/ToxicMen

    The Toxic Man program is very specific. It will help you with POWER.

    To FEEL more powerful, and then to speak to a man from that PLACE of Power, using words and body language that will work, like they did for Julie, to turn things around for you.

    Let me know how it works for you. I’m so looking forward to answering your questions and helping you as much as I can, any way I can.

    Love, Rori

    P.S. I love to read your letters – I stay up late reading and then answering you here. So if you’d like to send me a question about how to use any of the Tools, or a success story (no matter how small, any step you take may seem to you, to me – every step is HUGE!), or even just a note about how you’re feeling, you can write to me at Rori@HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com.
    I know you’ll be as excited by my Toxic Men program and what it can do for you as I was while creating the material for you.

    I truly believe the program is totally unique and incredibly powerful, and that it will help you to turn your love life around in a very effortless way.

    You can even watch some of it right here:

    http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/ToxicMen



  451.  #451Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Jilly,

    Thanks for asking for the update 😉 Not much, having dates on Fri (1st date, someone I felt content with on the phone) and Sat (2nd date with my firefighter/lawyer).

    Don’t know if I ever meet someone I’d feel 100% with again.. talking about the guy who dropped me 4 times haha



  452.  #452Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Jeannette: I can understand why you feel angry and selfish. You have had news that has come as a shock. It’s good that you are acknowledging your feelings as you can then process them and come out at the other end, hopefully feeling lighter. I’m sending you a HUGE hug!! xx



  453.  #453Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 9:04 am

    RE 429 Jeannette putting your comments in the Rori context and the Gay Hendricks context of stating your feelings in the moment I would suggest as Gay puts it “telling the microscopic truth” in the moment because I am 95% sure that he is already away of your discomfort around the situation. The tone, context and body language would be the most important thing to pay attention to when sharing but I believe you should share your feelings. I would begin with letting him know you feel great when you are around him and can’t help but dream about your life together in the future and how much you want to be a part of his healing process. Or whatever feels right to you, then share the negative feelings and ask how he thinks he can help to get you more involved or whatever you want. Just keep in mind that he might want something else and could say no to you.



  454.  #454Jeannette on March 30, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Ladybird, Maybe, I’d better avoid his calls today, I may say something I’ll regret!



  455.  #455Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 9:06 am

    Turquoise,

    How are your chocolates doing? When I think about you I always have this chocolaty sweet feeling on the background 😉 Perhaps you can be his chocolate mousse



  456.  #456Mel on March 30, 2011 at 9:07 am

    Thanks Tinque!



  457.  #457Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 9:07 am

    RE 449 Jeannette it is good that you are wondering. Your intuition will guide you.



  458.  #458Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 9:08 am

    By the way for those interested in horoscope I heard this morning that Mercury is in retrograde and when this happens communication could get messed up.



  459.  #459sweetmandm on March 30, 2011 at 9:10 am

    I wish a super awesome day to all of my Siren companions!

    I have two things that I would like to express here, to anyone who cares to read, listen and respond. 🙂

    I can’t help but feel frustrated this week by what I feel is a fact, that we women are the ones who do so much work in this relationship business. I know now what I need to work on, practice (the practicing now still feels like work yet) and I understand personally the importance of what I am doing now and why. It is to get to the place where it feels more free and easy, more natural, less work…….soooo not there yet. The men (most of them) don’t buy materials on how to do relationships and how to grow to a place to be a better partner, so………………
    Ok, to the not so rhetorical question…….
    Can it really work long term with a man just by doing “our part,” with all of our newly learned info. at practice in the relationship, encouraging them to come out, pulling them out of theirselves? I mean, I am understanding how all of this works in the dating realm, but as I have gotten older, AND OLDER, lol in this relationship scheme, I am more leary of the marriage thing that I ultimately want, and how it can all work then. My fear of a badly functioning marriage, is what lends me my fears of intamacy in the first place.

    Ok, numero 2- I had a phone conversation with a CD last night and expressed what I felt about something, a specific behavior that i dislike. I used FM and I did not blame, I was careful with tone, etc. Now I don’t care about this one at all, just care about his feelings, but most importantly I was practicing and I was surprised at the response!!! He said that it was obvious that I was upset and that he thought he would just like to hang up. Now ladies, I do not have any moderate attraction to this man and am TOTALLY indifferent to outcome because of that truth, so it was impossible for me to even feel that passionate or angry and I was not projecting, so why did it go so strangely? Rhetorical I suppose…..
    It didn’t feel natural to me to approach him like that. I really am a very laid back woman and I let things slide all the time and I don’t keep track or count of wrongs, but I have also become quite numb I believe with men in general. So I saw the opportunity to express some barely there feelings and I took it and FLOP. We ended the conversation on a better note than his just hanging up, but he acted like such a little boy in my eyes and I DID NOT shame him in any way. He even said that he didn’t know what my expectations were yet and I told what I want, like, feel…………

    With success like that (sarcasm) popping up all over the place, how am I supposed to feel confident in applying it with the one I really admire? ….who by the way has not contacted me either for a week and a half since our last Face Time. Told him how I feel about texting….well, NO MORE texts….

    SIGH……………

    Hormones going on here too….haha! I think we are all sisters sinking up now……

    I may not post here often, but I am conncted to you all somewhat on a daily basis and learn from all of you! Hugs!



  460.  #460Jeannette on March 30, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Femininewoman, yes I heard Mercury is retrograde. Thanks for the warning!



  461.  #461turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Awww, Alonka I like that 🙂 He told me I might be his dream girl because he can’t live without his desserts and we have so much in common 🙂 Taking that with a grain of salt, but still was nice to hear.

    I was actually just thinking about starting my Easter candy and getting my order form ready. I make amazing chocolate peanut butter meltaways, way better than the Reeses Eggs… and I have a mold that make one huge egg, or others with bite size eggs and rabbits. I LOVE making my candy, I get to have fun and be creative…. Thanks for asking. Definitely making some for Chloe’s sleepover on Friday, sugar those girls up and then they’ll crash! 🙂



  462.  #462Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 9:17 am

    RE 413 Mel what I got from your comments was that he “does not want to be married to his mother” or should I say “he does not want to be sleeping with his mother”. If he feels she was controlling all his life it might unfortunately be that he is putting your actions through that filter so leaning back IMHO might work like a charm with him. That seemed like a golden opportunity to thank him for sharing the info with you, and let him know you feel for him knowing what he is going through and appreciating him for working so hard to take care of the family and the bills. Three things I have heard another coach say that men need: trust, appreciation and respect. I have also heard that men think that there is no love without respect.



  463.  #463Brenda on March 30, 2011 at 9:20 am

    (((Jeannette))),

    Not really sure what to say…on the one hand, you have a right to express your feelings about being neglected, and you are being neglected. On the other hand, if you ask him to choose between you or his brother, he will probably choose his brother every time. He’s dying.

    No matter how you look at it, you’re in a tuff situation. I think of my favorite line from the movie, Anna and the King:

    “If love were a choice, then who would choose such an exquisite pain?”

    Love, Brenda



  464.  #464turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 9:21 am

    My horoscope for today:
    Wednesday, March 30, 2011

    It’s a great day to listen — especially to those who’ve been around longer than you. It’s one of those times when you are better able to absorb the lessons of the past, but you have to hear them firsthand.

    Ok Ladies… keep telling me your experiences 🙂

    Singles:
    Today starts slowly, but by later this afternoon, things are sure to be picking up. That office crush might stop by for a quick chat. If it turns to weekend plans, take the opportunity to invite them out for a movie or some other casual activity. (Hmmm…. who ever writes this doesn’t know Rori’s Rules:)

    If I was a couple: When the present day seems muddled with conflict, listen to others reminisce about the past. Love stories from a bygone era still offer clues to fixing couple problems you currently grapple with.



  465.  #465Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Jeannette: Maybe if you can write down all your thoughts this will help you feel lighter to speak with him later? Perhaps you can tell him you feel it would be lovely to spend some time with him this weekend as it’s been a tough couple of days/weeks for everyone? That way you are asking to spend time together and also saying it’s been tough for you too without blaming anyone? This is such a delicate situation and you will know what to do for the best. I’m just offering suggestions. If he can’t spend time with you this weekend, please have a Plan B so that you take care of your needs and have some company. xx



  466.  #466Alonka on March 30, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Turquoise,

    I love cooking too, wish I could learn how to make huge spring EGGS lol



  467.  #467Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 9:26 am

    RE 458 sweetmandm

    These two statements to me are the key to your answer here:-

    It didn’t feel natural to me to approach him like that
    but he acted like such a little boy in my eyes

    It not feeling natural might be an indication that you might not have been expressing your real feelings in the moment, you might have been focussed on practicing the tools rather than being authentic. I would revisit this.

    The second statement suggests that he might be immature (man/boy). As such he would not be in a place in his life where he could handle or know how to deal with a real relationship and a woman’s emotion. I believe if he really loves you he might eventually get it “if he wants to change himself”. You cannot change him.



  468.  #468tinque on March 30, 2011 at 9:28 am

    sweetmandm – It’s not our job to encourage men to come out and/or work on themselves. It IS our job to heal ourselves, to grow and be the best sireny goddess we can.

    Men, good men, will take our lead in this. Men tend to grow and heal through our hearts better than when on their own. It’s not always a conscious thing, often it’s not; it just is.

    As for your conversation, I don’t know what you said, but if you’re talking about a behavior you don’t like, no matter what you say and how you say, it’s going to feel like an attack. Thus his reaction.

    xxoo



  469.  #469Darling Ella on March 30, 2011 at 9:30 am

    FW:

    Gosh, I had to share this…but CC’s latest letters have a better write up 🙂 yay…I am finally getting something out of his letters 🙂

    Thank u Christian Carter for reading the blog and making some changes to your writing style!!! It so much clear now to get the point!!



  470.  #470Mel on March 30, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Re: 461

    Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too. I think my “control’ and “manipulation” have not been so overt, so that even I didn’t realize I was doing it, but if he’s super sensitive to being controlled, I can see how it might make him feel horrible.

    When he shared this about his mom recently, I said “I get that that would be really frustrating. I know how hard you work, and appreciate what you do for us.”

    I can also see why overfunctioning might also look a little too motherly. To tell you the truth, that is how I was starting to feel. I would have said i felt like the maid, but same idea.



  471.  #471Boomer on March 30, 2011 at 9:36 am

    Back on the bald thing – ANYTHING is better than a rug. I dated (briefly) an older guy (he was 50 to my 38 at the time) who wore a toupee. It was so distracting and awful. He wore it on the first date, and it was so obvious. It was too precise and combed just “so” and so dark. Ick. I ignored it because he was nice and very generous.

    By date three, which was a very casual day on his boat, he had removed it in favor of a ball cap. When he removed the cap, I was like, “Oh, you’re so handsome!” And before I could control myself, I said, “Why do you wear that awful toupee???” LOL.

    He said he had professional and safety reasons actually – he was the prosecutor for a county north of me, and he said the toupee was his “lawyer look,” but when he’s around town or in his personal life, he goes without it as a sort of disguise. He put a lot of bad guys in jail, and he felt he was anonymous and not recognizable without the toupee and was less likely to get shot on the street in town when with his kids or out on the lake!

    We only dated a few more times (the man dealt with his pressure with alcohol), but I always thought that was funny.



  472.  #472Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Jeannette selfish is good.



  473.  #473Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 9:43 am

    Congratulations Meemee you seem to be focussed in the right direction. I am sure your passion for your life will take you where you want to go.



  474.  #474sweetmandm on March 30, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Thanks Femininewoman! I will revisit those two points! MY PERSPECTIVE.

    It doesn’t feel natural yet, to express my feelings about things with men I’m dating. I have gone pretty numb and have lost energy to do so. I am practicing now in a different way + expirimenting. They were my real feelings……practicing using the tools didn’t feel natural, so it most likely did not feel real to him?!

    Your second point, is the perspective I had after when I hung up with him.

    I came out and I tried and that I would not have done until recently 🙂

    Thank you!



  475.  #475Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 9:44 am

    RE 323 Thank you Ladybird, things were looking better this morning as he was responding though he still cannot speak because of the ventilator.



  476.  #476Ladybird on March 30, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Boomer: that made me laugh and guess we’d all wear a toupee/wig if it reduced the risk of being shot!!



  477.  #477turquoise3 on March 30, 2011 at 9:46 am

    Boomer, too funny… and Ladybird… I agree!! 🙂

    Alonka, what kind of eggs do you want to make? 🙂



  478.  #478Femininewoman on March 30, 2011 at 9:47 am

    RE 389 Jeannette I am not sure what the unverse is doing in your life but I am sure there is sunshine on the other side of the clouds. So I am going to encourage you to keep looking for them.



  479.  #479Boomer on March 30, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Darling Ella, do you know for a fact that CC reads our stuff here? Cool. And scary. Yikes.