Shirley Gehrke Luthman Said It All

Untitled design (14)

Since I started writing, speaking and coaching around masculine and feminine energy years ago – many people assumed I got my ideas from Dr. Pat Allen (who I adore and who made a huge difference in my life), the author of “Getting To I Do.”

And though I was encouraged by Pat Allen’s work – where I really started formulating my methodology was from the work of Shirley Luthman, long ago. Her books “Collection” and Intimacy” are amazing.

And then there was Shakti Gawain, who expanded on Shirley Luthman’s ideas, and then Aletha J. Solter’s “Helping Young Children Flourish.”

Here’s a quote from Shirley Luthman:

“You must put your feminine, intuitive power in control and use your masculine, yang force [assertion] to support and express it. The internal distortion of this principle – the split between yin and yang – is the basis for all problems, power struggles, and distances between men and women.”

And, she says, “It is not enough just to acknowledge your feelings and begin to act upon them. The intuitive must be in charge, and the male energy must back it up instantly, without question or doubt.”

As Shirley is basically saying – our relationships with men are merely a reflection of the internal dynamic (and often the struggle) between the yin and the yang inside us.  Between our masculine and feminine energies.

And this is where all our work is – to put our feminine energy first. To trust it, and use our masculine, “boy” energy to go into action for our inner “girl.” To back us up – without question or doubt.

And then – a man will do the same!

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 6:49 am

    First time hearing this name

  2.  #2Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 7:00 am

    I looked up Shakti Gawain and found this:-

    “When I’m trusting and being myself… everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously.

    I am convinced that life in a physical body is meant to be an ecstatic experience.

    “Through lovingly embracing the full range of our experience — human and divine — we can heal the split that has existed between spirit and form, in ourselves individually and in the whole world.”

    “Spiritual healing occurs as we begin to consciously reconnect with our essential being — the wise, loving, powerful, creative entity that we are at our core.”

  3.  #3Tzenny on October 3, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Just wanted to share this again 🙂 I’m have a really good day!

    I have been trying to find myself ever since my “perfect” relationship was suddenly ended and I was insanely confused. I started soul searching, studied astrology and talked with psychics. While it all served a purpose and helped me in one way or another, it turned out that the answers I needed were inside of me . . . I just needed to know how to unlock it all. Then I came across Rori’s eBook on a dating site. I had seen it a year or so before, but felt I could not afford it. I downloaded the eBook, signed up for the monthly cds and gave up buying morning coffee for a while so I could afford it. I read the eBook (in one sitting) and knew Rori’s approach touched a nerve in my heart and soul. I then decided to cut down on my hair salon visits so I could buy the siren program. OMG it was me every step of the way!!! I just could not fathom the “feeling messages.” I am a type A female warrior, able leap buildings in a single bound, emotionally support an entire village and able to snag any man I wanted to bed down … I just could not get/keep a good man! I needed to know more about this “surrender speak” because it allows a woman to LIVE directly from her soul – this is the change I want to make – I want a higher existence. I committed to doing my own pedi/mani’s for the next six months and ordered the Commitment Blueprint. Thank God I followed my feelings. I watched the entire program in one day and I GET IT RORI!!!! Thank you so much. I found the woman deep down inside of me and she is sweet and beautiful. She is vulnerable and fun. She is a queen. Much love to you and everyone who posts on your Blog. I am on to the next 90 days of my journey. God Bless.


  4.  #4Tzenny on October 3, 2011 at 7:17 am

    FW – I love this quote in your post:

    “Spiritual healing occurs as we begin to consciously reconnect with our essential being — the wise, loving, powerful, creative entity that we are at our core.”

  5.  #5Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 7:19 am

    Am I trusting and being myself?

  6.  #6Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 7:28 am

    I can’t say I have been completely trusting of myself since my first date with one of my CDs n that time I wound up sleeping with my ex. I was doing no thinking at those times, just feeling and going with my feelings. I felt so Sireny! I gave up control and as a result felt great. Now? Not as much but I’m getting back there. Practicing switching hats. However according 2 this, if I understand correctly, I don’t need to switch hats but to remain in my feminine energy and allow my masculine energy to play a supporting role.

  7.  #7VW on October 3, 2011 at 7:31 am


    wow…i love this article!

    I feel confused about this statement (it feels good reading it, but I don’t quite get it…:( ):

    “It is not enough just to acknowledge your feelings and begin to act upon them. The intuitive must be in charge, and the male energy must back it up instantly, without question or doubt.”…

    How would you interpret it?

    How would the intuitive be in charge…male energy back up instantly our feelings…?

    warm hugs,

  8.  #8Senior Lady Vibe on October 3, 2011 at 7:41 am

    Hello world, this is the 70 year-old version speaking…
    I am thankful for my mental database.

    Yowsah! 😆


  9.  #9Senior Lady Vibe on October 3, 2011 at 8:01 am

    from the previous thread…

    @904: GingerSky says:
    “…I want right now for some numerical or energetic or body/fingerprint, mental/emotional/spiritual MRI pattern-match of my dreams to be located on this planet by some kind of technology (like Star Trek stuff or something) and for him to come woo, hang out, deep-talk, protect, love, canoodle and claim me -soon!…”

    Have you read “Soulmate Secret?” I think there’s also “Calling In The One” but I’m not acquainted with that one.

    You could also make up your own rituals, tools, celebrations and tweak others to suit you. I do this all the time. It really helps the vibe and setting of intentions. Yesterday I celebrated the anniversary of my conception. I’d never done that before but I was inspired by another Rori poster… I forgot who… 😳
    Somebody please remind me.

    Several sirens have created vision boards etc. I’ve collected a years worth (over 52) little “soulmate rings”… Do what inspires you! And it’s fun. Kind of romantic and sexy too.

    Inspired by Alias Girl I think I might make up a “vision board” of 100 men!!!


  10.  #10Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 8:03 am

    SLV I celebrate my conception 🙂

  11.  #11Senior Lady Vibe on October 3, 2011 at 8:05 am

    I live in the world of magic and romance and I intend to remain there whether or not there is a guy along with me. (I hope there will be… 😀 )

    [yeah, Sweetie, I know it’s you]

  12.  #12Senior Lady Vibe on October 3, 2011 at 8:11 am

    @10: Emoticon says:
    “…SLV I celebrate my conception …”

    Yay! Thank you so much for the idea. I figured out a date the best I could then just went for it! I’m going to celebrate every year.

    And it happens in my favorite season too. Do you think that’s why fall has always been my favorite season…?


  13.  #13Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 8:14 am

    SLV I celebrate my conception 🙂

    “I live in the world of magic and romance and I intend to remain there whether or not there is a guy along with me.” – SLV

    Yay I love this!

    Also, I will work on a vision board 2day. I will make a really good one on the computer at school. I will put french words as captions to represent me getting even better in french. I will put my dream house down south n my horse and men upon men hearts and just paint it over in love and delicious color!!

  14.  #14Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 8:23 am

    For me my intuition tells me what to do and how to behave. Sometimes it warns me that something is going to happen before it does so I can kind of prepare myself. Many times I ignore it and when things happen I don’t engage my masculine energy to do what I need to. As I learn to trust myself I pay more attention to my intuition. Which is the reason I don’t necessarily practice just blurting out how I feel all the time. I allow my intuition to guide me in knowing when to speak or when to remove myself to go take care of my emotions/feelings.

  15.  #15Shar lean way back on October 3, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Yes, I agree VW …more please…I like what FW is saying about it but would like to hear Rori expand on what she sees as the “intuitive” and perhaps an example of what that looks like and how it looks “To trust it, and use our masculine, “boy” energy to go into action for our inner “girl.” To back us up – without question or doubt.”

  16.  #16Shar lean way back on October 3, 2011 at 8:48 am

    p.s. I want to know what “intuitive” feels like so I can be more “aware” of it. Yes I know that I have some intuition but I’m not sure how in touch with it I really am most of the time.

  17.  #17Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 8:52 am

    The best way I can explain intuition is when u get this inexplicable feeling in ur chest n stomach n u kno exactly what u need 2 do 2 satisfy it

  18.  #18Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 8:53 am

    The balancing of masculine and feminine energies is essential to an intimate, sexy relationship. This requires a clear-cut choosing of roles: it requires a boy and a girl. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is between a man and a woman, two women, or two men, and it doesn’t matter who chooses which role. It only matters that there be clearly one of each. The “girl” expresses feelings, the “boy” thinks and makes decisions.

  19.  #19Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Yes Emoticon deep inside somewhere in the middle of your body.

    The Hendricks also suggest using your wonder tool about stuff. Asking yourself “I wonder…..” about stuff. Keep doing it and the answer tends to come.

  20.  #22Lyka on October 3, 2011 at 9:04 am

    EW – from previous thread:

    Thank you for that info. I was trying to copy and paste something I got in an email, so no hyperlink, obviously. I even re-typed the whole text and still it didn’t post.

    Oh, well, it’s ok, I guess. No big deal.

  21.  #23Shar lean way back on October 3, 2011 at 9:06 am

    So Emoticon, your description reminds me of how I try to be aware of feelings and what they feel like in my body i.e. tight sholders, tummy flipping. Possibly I am labeling them as anger or fear and I am excluding “intution” feeling or mislabeling it.

  22.  #24Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 9:08 am

    It might be fear. That may be your intuition telling to remove urself from a situation. Maybe…

  23.  #25Senior Lady Vibe on October 3, 2011 at 9:17 am

    That’s exciting!

    @13: Emoticon says:
    “…Also, I will work on a vision board 2day. I will make a really good one on the computer at school…”

    Could you upload it so we could see? Or some of it? Or maybe use something like free animoto for video mind map kind of thing?


  24.  #26Lyka on October 3, 2011 at 9:36 am

    OMG, I meant thanks SLV, not EW!

    I slept fine last night, don’t know why I’m so mixed up today…

  25.  #27la chiquita bonita on October 3, 2011 at 9:42 am

    I feel frustrated. I feel that the reason that Im struggling with dating here in the new city that Im studying in has something to do with my uncertainty of wether Im staying here after I graduate or not. I really miss home and my family. I feel stuck because I think that if I stay I will have opportunity here and a relationship but then I will have to let go of my connection to my family in the old city. I know Im thinking too ahead but I just cant help it I think thats whats going on deep inside of me and thats why dating isnt working out. Anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

  26.  #28Shar lean way back on October 3, 2011 at 9:43 am

    Thanks for the Gay Hendricks links FW. I have certainly heard about him for a long time but never explored. I do desire to read all of the books now.

  27.  #29Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 9:45 am

    RE 27 Basically it is fear of the unknown so you are stressing over something you can’t do anything about. Resisting what is or will be. Maybe focussing on living in the moment might create a shift for you. Touching things immediately in your environment and bringing your consciousness back to the present.

  28.  #30Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 9:49 am

    SLV yes I’m excited to do it too! I will try to put it up on here via a link.

  29.  #31Senior Lady Vibe on October 3, 2011 at 9:58 am

    @26: Lyka



  30.  #32MiRi on October 3, 2011 at 10:14 am

    wow… as years passed by, my “inner girl” has been shaded by my ‘boy energy’… not good. I’m fully aware of it. It’s all about “switching things” now…
    I feel weird…. as long as I don’t start to panic! lol

  31.  #33Lyka on October 3, 2011 at 10:33 am

    My “boy” energy is acting up today. I have to clean my apartment but I don’t feel like it.

    All right woman, get into gear and get going already!

  32.  #34Lyka on October 3, 2011 at 11:14 am

    The floor is swept, the dishes are done, all that’s left to do is the bathroom.

    Phew! I need a coffee break.

    I feel like a “lazy-boy” today! lol!

  33.  #35marina on October 3, 2011 at 11:54 am

    hello dear Sirens,
    Wow love it Rori.
    When I listen to my intuition life does feel easy and I feel secure 🙂
    My youngest brother is helping me with my laptop and he is looking up the keycode to a program.
    A lot of sighs and grmpfs bc it is apparently hard to find…
    And I am practicing not suggesting other solutions. Practicing trusting he will find a solution.
    There are opportunities anywhere to be a Siren aren’t there?;-)

  34.  #36T-Girl on October 3, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    I also posted on last thread:

    VW thanks for your input. I did get an e-mail from him this morning acting like nothing is wrong. But I’ve also already called my mom to postpone dinner. I agree with FW, the timing is not good and there will be a black cloud hanging over the whole evening. Not the ideal situation to meet the parents. I just haven’t told him yet that I canceled.

  35.  #37Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    marina when I locked my key in my car the last time I was at my cousin’s house I said to one of her brothers. I need help and I know you are resourceful. He did not give up until he had figured a way to get the door opened. It took him a little over an hour and he enlisted help fom his nephew. It was very obvious he felt proud of himself and very accomplished when he was done. He told me about when he was so ” ” close to getting it and it almost beat him.

    I was testing out some of the theories I had learnt about how to talk to men. It worked. I try it out on any man.

  36.  #38Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    T-Girl I would wait to see what he suggests before telling him what my choice was. This could be one of what CCarter talks about make or break moments. It seems simple but could touch on sensibilities and have him looking way into the future to see what type of team you can be. You want to be the boss with a willing partner. Maybe next time he will be adamant to do what you want to do so your influence would have increased by giving in this time. I know it doesn’t always work but one has to try to know what we/he are capable of.

  37.  #39T-Girl on October 3, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    One of my fears is that if I tell him how I am feeling, even if I’m just using feeling messages and not being blamey, he will see it as “drama”. This is the reason I shut down. I hope I will see him tonight so I can just melt into him.

  38.  #40la chiquita bonita on October 3, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    thanks femininewoman, yeah it is fear of the unknown! its my boy energy always wanting to know everything. Could you believe that when Rori suggested the switch underwear exercise to another dwarer I did it and..I was so set on remembering the change that I was never suprized or forgot the change? Im such a CONTROL FREAK its just amazing. I gotta feel my way into the present moment but its soo hard i feel frustrated and curious…
    TGirl…I know what you mean about fear of appearing dramatic if you do feeling messsage but Im willing to give it a try at this point what do you have to lose I mean its finally being honest and letting it go with out blame, it cant be too bad

  39.  #41Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Tgirl, thanks for reminding me about the melting….yes melt melt melt! I will practice that too…mmm it sounds nice!

    Yes melty melt…

  40.  #42marina on October 3, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Yay FW!
    Love it!

    My brother has found the key and I have told him I feel so happy he did! He said you are welcome with a big 🙂


  41.  #43Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    T-Girl even if he sees it as drama that is his business. Some guys are attracted to drama because of how their mother’s were or whatever. Shutting down is not helping you to be who you truly are and test if you are a match. It also suggests that you do not trust him to be your knight. It might be best to just trust that he will respect your feelings.

  42.  #44Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Chiquita in my opinion nothing is hard. I try even if I feel like I am coming across as silly. If I do I will make a squeamish face or smile or just try something silly in addition to the fm. I find guys respond even if it is to laugh when they don’t even know what they are lauging at. Keep thinking this is effortless.

  43.  #45la chiquita bonita on October 3, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    hmmm, effortless I like that. Again, the boy energy in me feels that in order to have a great result in anything…one must work hard, ‘blood sweat and tears.” I feel good about feeling effortless, I feel relaxed, sleepy, a little hungry:)

  44.  #46Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    So here’s a new Tool: EFFORTLESS

    1. START BY LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM, wherever you are.

    2. CATCH YOUR THOUGHTS that are going through your mind.

    If you’re in the kitchen, the thought might be “gotta clean up the dishes,” if you’re in the bedroom, it could be “I wish my man was here,” if you’re at work, it could be “Oh, look at that stack of papers on my desk!”


    You may have felt your body sort of JUMP.

    You may have felt a sinking feeling, or maybe even a happy feeling if you’re looking at a favorite piece of jewelry or a stack of papers on your desk that are finished and ready to go out.


    Can you feel your shoulders go up, your heart Mjump forward?

    Perhaps you feel your legs start to carry you across the room to ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING.

    Or, if it’s a sinking feeling, perhaps your legs want to carry you AWAY from where you are – to something that will distract you.


    6. NOW, SAY TO YOURSELF – “Yes! I can DO something!” (But DON’T MOVE.)

    7. NOW, SAY TO YOURSELF – “But right this moment I don’t have to do anything.”



    Rock slowly and easily, imagining yourself secured to the floor.

    Bend your knees a bit, until you feel easily balanced over your feet, as though no bones or muscles in your body need to hold you up.

    Breathe slowly, in and out, take your time.


    Release your pelvis. Imagine you weigh practically nothing, and you’re just standing there balanced over your feet.

    And that’s it!

    Try this often throughout the day.

    Tell yourself things are “Effortless.”

    When you’re with your man, tell yourself that the relationship is Effortless.

    Putting my Tools together is effortless.

    You can pull them out of a hat, in any order, and they’ll work.

    Right there, on the spot.

  45.  #47Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    chiquita One of my beliefs has been that I must fight for everything I have. Nothing comes easy. I uncovered that belief and work on it all the time using the Effortless tool. Our beliefs is one of the main things that sabotage our lives if we don’t know what they are.

  46.  #48Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    T-Girl I believe something is in here that could help you too:-

    “My Heart Connection Toolkit CD set can lower your sense of urgency and help you with the fears we ALL feel in a relationship with a man we really care for.

    A relationship is supposed to be effortless.

    I know that sounds like the complete opposite of everything we’ve always heard – that you have to “work” at a relationship.

    But it’s just not true.

    Relationships themselves are supposed to be easy, effortless, and make us feel BETTER than we would without the relationship.

    Like our lives are easier and happier.

    Sometimes “logistics” take work – where to go, what to do, how to get the housework done and fit busy schedules together.

    Sometimes, no matter how “connected” we are in the relationship, there are differences of opinion and style that have to be negotiated.

    Just like in a business.

    But the You and Me part is supposed to be easy.

    And for some reason, this “easiness” is the HARDEST thing we women can accept.

    We are all so accomplished and thoughtful and willing to work hard for what we want.

    Only all that energy put into a man doesn’t work.

    In fact, it works totally against us.

    The overwhelmingly top relationship priority for a man is to be with a woman who makes his life BETTER.

    He wants HIS love relationship to be EFFORTLESS.

    That means: Easier, more fun, happier, healthier, more exciting, more emotionally fulfilling, deeper.

    That also means making him FEEL good about HIMSELF, even when he’s down.

    You can see that there’s nothing in there about “Looks” or “Personality” or anything we women tend to focus on.

    So, here are the two things that create that easy, fun, healthy, exciting, deep connection for

    One – YOU are emotionally, physically, psychologically healthy.

    That means: You know who you are, like yourself – in fact, Love Yourself – and have a fulfilling life without him.

    The OPPOSITE of that would be getting the feeling from you that he’s CRUCIAL to your survival, that you’re desperate for him, that you’re emotionally incomplete and need him to complete you.

    And Two – That you LOVE him.

    Showing love for a man without coming across as needy is the delicate balancing act we women must learn to do.

    It means feeling secure within ourselves, with our focus securely on OURSELVES, and yet opening our heart COMPLETELY to him.

    It means being totally vulnerable while, at the same time, being totally strong.

    And as hard as this sounds, it’s not.

    That’s what all my Tools are about – creating this fantastic balance for yourself, bit-by-bit, baby-step-by-baby-step, Tool-by-Tool.”

    It is all from Rori

  47.  #49Tiffany on October 3, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    This is a reply from a previous thread (2 posts ago:) to Daria (re your #776 in that thread).

    You said you felt “triggered” by your mom speaking about you in the 3rd person.

    Do you really feel triggered? Or are you triggered by that into feeling angry/indignant/ignored?

  48.  #50Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Just have to paste more because I see of Ella and T-Girl and myself in here. Also Demi Moore and Aston Kutcher, who are now in the news.

    “***I instantly related to Elizabeth’s story because I once had a relationship with a 22 year old fellow when I was much older.

    It was one of the most fun and rewarding and memorable times of my life, even though it ended in heartache.

    However, the heartache ending was appropriate, because I NEVER could have had the fulfilling relationship with him that I have now with my husband.

    And it wasn’t because he was so much younger, or even that he was “young.”

    I know now that it wasn’t even because he just wasn’t able to communicate on a deep level, or that he was “too young” to commit.

    We all know, from the celebrity relationship and marriage of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, that a relationship with many years difference can work out fine, and that even a 24 year-old guy (I believe that’s how old Ashton was when they got serious) can want the same things as a 40 year-old woman (Demi’s age), and be mature enough to make those things happen.

    I also personally know of several brilliant marriages with this kind of age difference – the nurse in my doctor’s office was 44 and had 4 children when she married her 22 year-old boyfriend, and a therapist I know married her 24 year-old boyfriend when she was in her late 30′s.

    So, like everything – it’s not about the “numbers.”

    It’s about the ability of the man to DO a relationship, regardless of his age, whether he wants that relationship or not, and whether WE’RE the woman he wants to BE WITH enough to make that major commitment at such an early stage of his life.

    At 22, my young “boyfriend” was just starting out his life as an adult, and I was totally and completely ready to be married and have children.

    I was at a place in my life where I was done with “flings” and wanted a stable sort of grown-up man to be a life-long partner for me in REAL LIFE.

    So, what I did was JUDGE his ability and desire to be in a relationship with me because of his “age,” and never really gave him a chance.

    I filled in the empty places in our conversations, I gave him advice when he didn’t ask for it, I allowed myself to become so deeply attached to the “chemistry” in our relationship that I almost FORGOT what it was I WANTED for my LIFE, and I focused more and more on how to GET him.

    And this is the one thing that NEVER WORKS.

    The more I focused on him and how we could possibly have A REAL LIFE together, the more he drifted away.

    I always thought it was because he was so young, but now I know it was because I was – without even being aware of it – pushing him away.

    On some level I didn’t really WANT him.

    I wanted the “fling” but I didn’t want the “whole package.”

    I didn’t want to be with a man who still had some “growing up” to do.

    But I knew no other way to be with him than to put my whole self into it, try to make it REAL and life-long, and HELP him “grow up.”

    I didn’t want him just the way he was.

    I wanted him the way I THOUGHT he SOMEDAY would be.

    I wanted him already “grown up.”

    My husband was not completely professionally settled when we met, either (and he’s younger than I am, too), but he seemed to truly UNDERSTAND what a relationship with me would be like, what he’d have to do to have that relationship with me, and he KNEW he WANTED it all.

    And THAT was the difference.

    Once we can see clearly if a man really IS ABLE to do a serious relationship, and that he WANTS to do it, then the hardest question of all to deal with is whether or not it’s US he wants.

    Some of that we can control – our part of speaking to him and being with him in a way that attracts him deeply. And some of it we can’t.

    I pushed away that first young man because somewhere inside me I knew he wasn’t right for me, and that he wasn’t on the same Life Page I was on.

    I knew, in a place I wasn’t aware of, that he was too emotionally closed off to truly make me happy in the long run – in REAL LIFE.

    But still, It felt awful.

    That sense of urgency I felt – that I had to MAKE it happen – made me feel terrible inside

    I know now that being able to stay calm, happy and peaceful – no matter what your man is doing or how the relationship looks right now – can make a HUGE difference in how the relationship goes.”

  49.  #51Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    From Carol Allen

    ” Ashton has both the Moon and the Sun in a constellation of Capricorn called “Dhanishta” which means, “the wealthiest” and is why he’s not just a “pretty face” but is also a very successful TV producer, with multiple projects going at all times.

    Crazy as it sounds I would have predicted that Ashton would marry someone older.

    This is because the two “planets” that represent a man’s wife – the Moon and Venus – are BOTH in the sign of Capricorn in Ashton’s birth chart, and when a man has this he commonly marries someone older.

    And his nature is great for being in an unconventional relationship (like one with a big age difference, and a built-in ex-husband as part of the deal).

    This is because Ashton’s Moon constellation that I mentioned – Dhanishta – is what’s called a “demon” constellation.

    People who are born in the “demon” constellations are not bad or evil – they just never live in traditional, predictable ways. They tend to “march to their own drummer” and follow their own rules, and not care what others think.

    They pretty much NEVER do things the “NORMAL” way. Which, yes, can include their sex lives… I’m just saying. (His chart does indicate he’d be VERY sexually active, as he has Mars and Venus “in opposition,” and the Moon is conjunct Venus, so is involved in the opposition as well. Any combo of Mars, the planet of passion, with Venus, the planet of sensuality, and the Moon – the planet of our emotions and desires, guarantees a person will have STRONG, passionate desires. Tiger Woods has a similar thing. Yikes.)

    Demons also have very “in your face” senses of humor, which explains why he’d create TV shows like “Punk’d” and “Beauty and the Geek.”

  50.  #52Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    More Carol Allen

    As for Demi and Ashton, they may just surprise us all, as they do have my all-time favorite combination for marriage…

    It’s called, “Mahendra” or “Sense of Purpose” and gives two people a feeling of more and more meaning over time.

    Even if they have little in common (her being the much older divorced mother of three and him being a young TV sitcom actor) the more they spend time together, the more they’ll feel like they’re SUPPOSED to be together…

    …like their love is “meant to be” no matter their differences.

    So, they are compatible enough to stay together until they’re BOTH very old if they choose to. It’s just going to depend on if they really want the same things, and can really be there for each other. I sincerely wish them the best!

  51.  #53Tiffany on October 3, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    Good morning/afternoon/evening Sirens!!

    I want to give a full report on my sireny sireness weekend. There was so much sireniness.

    (I will try to be brief, but sometimes that’s difficult).

    Well….it was Friday afternoon. I realized I had no plans for the evening, and I didn’t want to be alone. TDH had texted me on Thursday, but he didn’t make any plans, and like a good siren, I didn’t prod him to. But I still didn’t want to just “wait around.” So I got my swim suit on and went to the beach. I figured, if it was warm enough, I would swim. But basically, I just planned to hang out and meditate.

    Long story short, I ended up meeting and sort of “picking up” a man at the beach. He said “hi” to me first, and I let him keep walking. But I had this weird feeling like he should be sitting next to me. So I ended up wandering over, and inviting him to join me. I ended up swimming and we had a lovely time. We made plans for dinner.

    I went home and took a shower. When I came out of the shower, I had a missed call from…TDH!

    So I called back. He said he didn’t have any plans and did I want to hang out? Oh, I’m sorry, honey. I wish you’d called me sooner! I already have plans for tonight! 😉 Yes, it was so true. Of course, I had very much wanted to see him. but I couldn’t break my new date now…oh, no. So he made plans with me for Sunday.

    Well, my Friday night date was HOT. This guy is feeling it for me, I can tell. I mean, it’s deep. It’s…almost scary. Just trying to stick with myself on this one…

    Meanwhile, Sunday rolled around. I don’t know why, but I woke that morning with a weirdly certain feeling that TDH was going to flake out on me that day. I didn’t call or text or anything, tho. And then…he did. He said something came up at work. I felt so bad. he was apologetic, but still.

    I texted back a sad face. and then that I felt icky. and finally – I was so nervous to text this, but it was true. I said, “I don’t like it when people break their plans with me.” And then I left it, as I had a massage session to do. Well, when I came back, 3 missed calls, and an offer to still come and hang out. Yes! I said. :-)))

    Happy Siren 🙂

    Not only that, I had TWO other offers for dates that night. Friday night date wanted to hang out, and my lunch date from last week later asked me for a drink. I had to tell them both I was busy! 😉

    I feel so naughty. turning guys down because I already have a date. And not really telling them that it’s a date. But really, would that help? No. But I do want to be honest…

  52.  #54Shar lean way back on October 3, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Tiffany, It’s just fine to say you have plans. If I were a guy I think I might “assume” you had a date. You dont owe any explanation.
    I’m impressed with your sireniness.

  53.  #55Ella on October 3, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Oh No Sirens,

    Feeling really triggered… a little panicky.

    Some pictures from my birthday have just been posted on FB and there are 2 of J cuddling me.

    I look pretty wasted, which I was because despite aiming not to drink much that night people kept buying me drinks.

    Anyway the point is I don’t remember them being taken and my recollection of that night was him not really showing me much attention, however both pics tell a different story.

    And his friend, who I later danced with… and who even later kissed me, is also in the pics.

    Now I am starting to feel like a super tramp b8tch and I feel so worried that I have it all wrong and he was stepping up and I just didn’t notice.


    And then I paid him back by kissing his friend.

    And then he must have found out and undfriended me.

    I feel bad and lonley and confused.

    I just want to talk to him.

    What if he’s been stepping up this whole time and I could just never feel it?

    Ick – this feels horrible.

    I was FINE – until I saw those pics… and now I feel as though I’ve been punched in the gut and I miss him and I want to see him more than ever!

  54.  #56Tiffany on October 3, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    (Post continued…)

    Meanwhile, TDH came over last night, just at the time that he said he would. (I made sure to tell him that I so appreciated the fact that he is always so punctual. That part is easy with him. And I love it so much! It really is a rare quality. Even Friday Nite Date was late b/c of traffic. But TDH always checks the traffic report before driving! lol)

    He seemed a little distracted, though. I asked, and he said he hadn’t finished his work, but that he would finish it later. Uh-oh! Cue the guilt violins….

    I told him I felt bad that I had taken him away from his work. But, on the other hand, I feel SO GOOD that he chose to keep his date with me when I let him know how I felt about it. How’s that for a feeling message! Go me! Rah! 🙂

    I feel so undecided right now. But I know I have OPTIONS.

    It feels really good hanging out and spending time with TDH – and I let him know this, and he said he feels the same about me. in some ways, it just feels “normal.” Not exactly “spark”-y. Just…there. Maybe that’s a good thing? But I’m also not sure that I feel it turning into a long-term relationship. I feel that he likes me a lot, but that he doesn’t really LOVE me, and that it’s not likely heading in that direction. (although he does clearly like me both physically and I guess for my personality as well.) The question is, do *I* think it’s right for me…

    Friday Night Date, on the other hand…wow. He is REALLY into me. He sent me a text yesterday saying he wants to make me the “happiest person in the world.” Heck, am I going to complain? 😉

    And the other guy – Hot Lunch Date – he’s a good guy, too. I still feel like getting to know him a little better.

    But you know the best thing? ALL of these guys (all of them) hold the car door for me. I guess that’s not so unusual, but I have to say that, for me, before now, this has been a RARITY in my dating experience. But I haven’t had to open a car door myself with any of them. And to me that just seems like the Universe reflecting back to me what I’m doing for myself – treating myself and thinking of myself like royalty, and the men are responding.

    I don’t even know if any of these guys are the “right guy.” But, well, I guess I get to see!

    Right now I just feel like… appreciating all the blessings I’m receiving.

    And I hope all the sirens on this blog are having good experiences, too, and not just frustrations! But i think the frustrations, too, are part of the learning process.


  55.  #57Tiffany on October 3, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Shar lwb – Thank you!

    I have to admit I’m a little impressed myself. I’m pretty sure that even a few months ago I couldn’t have done all of this!

    And you’re right. I don’t owe them *any* explanations.

    It gets a little trickier when they start asking questions. But I just try to answer in a way that satisfies the question without giving too much leaves me feeling a little deceptive, but not too much. They can assume anything they want 😉

    Maybe the real reason I feel naughty is that I am fooling around, physically, with at least two of these guys. Which makes me either really bad, or ….really, really good 😉

    I’m going to go with good 0:)

  56.  #58Ella on October 3, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Thinking about contacting him.

    Sirens I feel confused.

    And sick in the pit of my stomach.

  57.  #59Ella on October 3, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Oh I feel so f8cking ANGRY!

    Why do I f8ck everything up?

    What is wrong with me?

    I know this too shall pass and just feeling very bad right now.

    I think I am a bad person.

    What if he came to my party to see me, and was being all loving and I just went off and ignored him.

    I don’t blame him for unfriending me.

    I would!

  58.  #60Ella on October 3, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    Wonder what I would say if I messaged him?

    ‘Hey, why did you unfriend me?’

    If someone is REALLY into you they would talk to you about it though right?

    Like ‘Hey Ella, how come you let my friend kiss you? I thought we had a thing going?’

    Not just drop you cold?


    I feel confused.

  59.  #61Shar lean way back on October 3, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Ella, why would you want to lean forward. You asked him to make definite plans with you and he never responded. You wanted proper dates. Yes? It has nothing to do with the the cuddling you did on your BD. IMO

  60.  #62Ella on October 3, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Maybe he feels as strongly about me as I do about him… and that is why he reacted that way.

    I don’t know


    Hate not knowing and feeling confused.

    Hate being in the place.


  61.  #63Ella on October 3, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Shar LWB

    Thanks for responding.

    I don’t know… just feel triggered.

    I do want proper dates.

    I just feel as though I caused him to go away by kissing with and dancing with his friend.

    So it is my fault.

    I just feel so sad.

    Do you think that him unfriending me had nothing to do with me letting his friend kiss me then?

  62.  #64MiRi on October 3, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    RE 60 Ella,
    I sooooo feel for you!
    I would’ve felt confused as well, wondering why the cold shoulder, no word, nothing…
    But I think he’s confused too, and still tries to figure out how to react (?).

    I feel triggered by this cold shoulder thing… My self-confidence issue shows up again… Need to relax

  63.  #65Ella on October 3, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    Feels a bit like dagger in heart right now.

  64.  #66Ella on October 3, 2011 at 2:30 pm


    Yes, thanks.

    I was just trying to be a good Siren… and CD until a man steps up…

    And I seem to get it all so scrambled.

    And I feel so triggered.

    And he is like ultimate man crack to me, and it just throws me.

    It really does.


  65.  #67Shar lean way back on October 3, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    I cant say ..maybe.. but it doesnt matter. What matters is he doesnt step up. I just see you focusing on him and not the big picture of proper dates and really being pursued. Having drinks and cuddling is o.k but it’s not the “thing” you are after on a deeper level based on what you have said here. It’s almost like you forgot all the work you did around this and just went back to focusing on why he may have poofed.

  66.  #68Senior Lady Vibe on October 3, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    from previous thread…
    @885: Emerson says:
    “…SLV I think I will try 46. I like that number for some reason…”

    Let me know how it works for you. It’s funny, by thinking of my life at a somewhat older age I end up a little younger and less pressured in reality.

    And it also nudges me to make my own dreams come true with or without “Sweetie Babe” showing up by the older age. I’m “on my horse” no matter what.

    The landmark years are handy references: 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 etc but adding five or six years could be good too.


  67.  #69Senior Lady Vibe on October 3, 2011 at 2:46 pm



  68.  #70Shar lean way back on October 3, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    It reminds me of the shake things up email Rori sent. About swapping your underwear drawer. How you keep going back to the wrong drawer until your brain adopts a new pattern. That’s what I see you doing. If you havent tried that do it. It’s interesting to see how we just go to that same groove pattern.

  69.  #71Ella on October 3, 2011 at 3:02 pm


    67 & 70 –

    Yes you are so spot on.

    It is like that… I got triggered and went straight back into my old pattern.

    Its exactly like what Rori talks about in Toxic Men when she says its that feeling of the perfect relationship is just out of reach…

    And it always feels like we are doing something and that if we just did this or that a bit better we could have the prize!

    It is SOOO triggering.

    Just those d8mned pics… it LOOKS like exactly how I imagine we would be in our perfect relationship… with him cuddling me and whispering in my ear…

    And it is so true that was just one moment in time. And he wasn’t stepping up.

    It just felt so close… and the most triggery bit is the feeling that it is my fault that it went away… that it was because of something I did.

    Rori has written a lot about this I know…

    I am going to watch toxic men again in a min.

    Just took a shower and feeling slightly calmer.

    I need to print off some stuff for work tomorrow too.

    Just d8mn those flippin pics!!

  70.  #72Valerie on October 3, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    Following Love
    By Rori Raye

    I can`t shut up. I`m motor mouth run wild. I`m trapped in the passenger seat with my husband at the wheel, going to the movies on a real date, I can feel the distraction in his energy field (who`m I kidding – a five-year old could read him right now) and my brain is in overdrive. After he gave me the first – Okay, enough sign with his face, I heard it, loud and clear. I stopped for a second, mind racing, eyes looking out the window at everything, seeing absolutely nothing because the only thing really operating now is my brain. And then I kept talking. As if the words coming direct from my brain can solve something, soothe something, make whatever`s going on with me better. Or make it go away.

    Second look from him. Second Do we have to talk about this now? I remember who I am. I`m CoachRori. I can tell other women what to do, but do I walk my talk? I Stop. Cold. Mid sentence. Slam the brake pedal on my mind. Feel myself lurch into panic. What would CoachRori do?

    I grab the seat I`m sitting on with both hands, anchor myself. I lean back, breathe into my pelvis, relax as low as I can, turn my face away from my husband and to the blur of trees we`re passing. I slow it down. Do the whole CoachRori ToolKit. The trees pass in bunches, then one by one by one. My brain, on hyper drive, sinks down into my pelvis, and now I can feel how tight my chest is.

    What am I afraid will happen? I ask myself. What am I afraid of? In answer, I get pictures, images, and feelings. Sadness, fear, even terror passes through. Images of being boxed in, then of the ocean, then horses, then steel bars, then meadows. Every time an unpleasant image comes through, I quick try to replace it with something peaceful and pleasant. I`m in the grip of something. Then I get it. I`m working too hard. I`ve gone from a jumble in my head trying to get clear through words, from a jumble in my heart trying to get lost in my head, from tension in my body to forced relaxation. It`s all working, I`m calming, I`m quieter, and yet, it`s unsatisfying. I`m fighting my own ToolKit. I want to analyze, to process, to do. What if… I ask myself, I could just be? What would that be like?

    In a split second, the noise and confusion and tension goes. Instead of trying to change an image, I`m sinking into each one, letting it morph, I`m following the feelings around, letting them move where they will, and while I`m hanging here, the whole momentum shifts, softens, and I`m back. That`s what if feels like, being back. Try it for yourself:

    When you`re with a man and feeling jumpy and all in your head and talking a mile a minute or clamming up because you`re all over him mentally, Drop Thought. First, do the CoachRori Tools. Stamp your foot into the floor to ground yourself. Hold onto your chair or the table. Lean back, Relax your pelvis, Breathe low into your pelvis. Imagine his energy coming at you instead of yours going out to him. Say receive, receive to yourself. Now, follow your feelings around your body.

    Follow the tension – if you notice it, it`ll move somewhere else. Follow it. Feel how fluid it is, how feelings and sensations shift and morph. Now let go of your head.

    Not of the thinking, not of the buzzing, but of the clamping down on it while it`s working. Let the images come and go and change without trying to control them, pleasant or unpleasant. Let the thoughts spin. Then just imagine them dropping down into your pelvis, like dropping down an elevator shaft.

    If you can identify a feeling, like fear or anxiety, feel it. Allow it. Say to yourself, I feel scared. I feel jumpy. I feel really scared. I know, right in front of this guy you`ve just met – first time, it`ll feel odd. Then it`ll feel kind of – sexy. It`s all just a feeling, just a thought, but if it`s hidden inside us, it can run us. Outside, where we can feel it, it`s harmless. It`s a rich part of the tapestry that is us.

    Much therapy and body work is based on the idea of bringing the limiting subconscious images, beliefs and thought that run us, without our knowing, into our consciousness. Once we`re aware and can see and feel them, they lose their power over us. The science of Quantum Theory tells us that the world outside is just a reflection of our world inside. Sounds like a huge, scary responsibility. If I make my own reality, how can I get my subconscious conscious enough, fast enough, to keep me safe, have a good life, experience love? Why bother to even start? It sounds like the diet, the addiction-breaking, the schoolwork, the endless processing. For what? you may say. I can`t see the end result.

    And yet, you can. You can see the result almost instantly. You can feel it. The evidence is in the moment. The moment we stop fighting ourselves and start following ourselves, our energy shifts. It transforms, and then we become new people. Our normal normal becomes a new normal. You can feel it. To me, it feels like an expanded experience of the space of life. Like relaxing, for real. Like a floating in the world, rather than a charge down its streets. It feels soft instead of punishing.

    I turn back to my husband. I look down and see his hand is on my thigh. He smiles. I did absolutely nothing. I said nothing. I changed nothing. And yet, everything has changed. It took twenty seconds. You can do it too.

    Love, Rori

  71.  #73AmazingMe on October 3, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    Wow…Hello I have a date on Wednesday and am already freking out like what will i wear my hair. I havent been on a real date in a long time. he found me on okcupid. He is sweet and let me tell you the best part I swear he was one of you sirens. He really touched me with the convo. we text i leaned back he asked me to call i did conversation fun!!! And we have a date on wednesday, I have no idea where to go. Happy though!!! We willl see this siren might be freaking out buy he is going to see a cool laid back woman happy smiling as if I didnt care if we ever meet again i will just have fun. He will be back for more.

  72.  #74alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    im so bored right now i am actually inspired to call a cd back that i was not so inspired to do.

  73.  #75alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    im so bored i could take off to meh-hico.

  74.  #76LILI 41 on October 3, 2011 at 6:13 pm


    Hi Ella,

    (((Big hug to you))) Wish I knew what to say to you. Except, please don’t beat yourself up about it. Honestly, I would react the same way.
    In fact, I did when someone used FB to trigger me.
    It did trigger me in a big way. I am now staying away from FB bc I am so sick and tired of FB in every way.

    Wish I had something better to say to you. I have felt what you’re feeling and it sux rox.
    Maybe you need to cd, yourself? Anything to get your focus off of him who never stepped up to a real date.
    Working on that myself, so I’m hearing you sister siren.

    Who went and posted those pix anyway?

  75.  #77LILI 41 on October 3, 2011 at 6:15 pm


    AG lol!!!!
    What a faaantastic ideaaaa!!!!
    Me tooooo! Me toooooo! Take me with you!
    AAArrrrrriiiivaaaaaaaa Mehhiiicooo!

  76.  #78LILI 41 on October 3, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Layin on the beach with my feet in the sand watchin the waves sippin a margaritaaaa.
    I feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the cool icy margaritaaaa trickling down my throat…the sand around my toes 🙂

    Ag, you made me feeling happy 🙂

  77.  #79alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    i feel trapped. trapped trapped trapped trapped trapped. i feel agitated. i hate my new gig. i hate feeling trapped. i hate being alone. and i feel uncomfortable being around people. and i hate everything right now.

    oh dear. what has happened, dear alias girl lol?

    i dont KNOW I JUST FEEL TRAPPED. i want to be the belle of the ball. and there is no ball. and i am no belle. and there are no streamers or jivin’ music or nothin nada.

    nada city


    f*cking idiot has me have Skype open all goddang day just so he can keep a leash on me. THIS IS NOT AT ALL WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    i feel TRAPPED

    i want fun!
    creative collaboration!
    easy breezy!!

    this feels suck o rama to me!!!!!!

    i feel bored!

  78.  #80alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    77 lili 41 LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! HOLA HHGS!!!!!!!!!

  79.  #81Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    So I haven’t finished my Vision Board. I wll tomorrow

  80.  #82alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    i feel very scr*ew you.


    everyone. no one i dont know. anyone who wants to scr*ew. i feel bor-ed.


  81.  #83Esteemed on October 3, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Feeling frustrated and tense…I have been working four weeks now, and I’ve received one paycheck. It will work out.

  82.  #84Mel on October 3, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Ugh. I soooo want to lean forward right now. I had a coffee CD today but it was meh. I’m missing sexy sarcastic and I haven’t heard from him at all today.

    I wonder a bit about this vibe thing. like I’m obviously thinking about him…. so wouldn’t pretending I’m not just make things worse? Would it be better to be authentic and say I feel like I really need a hug?

    That’s probably just me trying to justify reaching out and sending him a text.

    How can I give myself a hug? Rori says that we should to just get our needs met, however we need to. Take care of ourselves. I am a person that NEEDS physical touch. I feel all wilty without it. I feel like I’m shrinking and closing down without it. I like that sexy sarcastic freely gives physical affection. It feels nice and comfortable and like I’ve come home. How can I meet this need without a guy to give it? Perhaps this is why I feel so addicted!

    I really want him to step up and set up our next date. That would feel so nice!

  83.  #85alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    pay attention to me

    pay attention to me

    pay attention to me

    meme meememmemememmemememememememmeeeee

    memeeeemmmeeeee look look lokk over here here

    at meeeeeeee

  84.  #86alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    hah i am magic full of fire.

    hard to believe i could let myself get bored.

    people around me are never bored wehn i’m around.


  85.  #87alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    maybe i am the belle of the ball.

  86.  #88Mel on October 3, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Can I come to Me-hico too alias girl? I wouldn’t mind the scenery… like those latin men! (I lived in Mexico for a bit a few years back….)

  87.  #89LILI 41 on October 3, 2011 at 6:35 pm


    Those dark haired, bronzed skinned…why dja come back Mel? Let’s goooo.
    My ex husband was a dark bronzed…hispanic eye candy! whheewww…


    AG lol, you definitely are entertaining me. I’m not bored when you’re here. ((hug)).

  88.  #90alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    ALLLLLL ABOARD!!!!! one way trip to meh-hico…

    where the beautiful, passionate latino hombres will crash upon our siren shores!!!

    welcome Mel, welcome lili 41 please enjoy your trip!
    free cocktails are on deck and dancing down below and 1000 spending money gratis for the shore shops!!! xoxoxoxo enjoy enjoy!!

  89.  #91alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    i called that cd. and his first words to me was that he was brushing his teeth and could i hold on because he needed to take another spit.

    i cant help it but i was sooooooooooooooo turned off. blech and ew.

  90.  #92alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    like tmi for a FIRST IMPRESSION ugh.

  91.  #93LILI 41 on October 3, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    I feel friggin trapped in my cold…sinuses are achy, sneazing. This friggin cold is trapping me home!!! Go to work anyway, but too sick to go tutoring my friend’s munchkin, too sick to go to zumba class.
    Too sick to go cd’ing with friends at single’s restaurant!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
    Trapped with this cold for 3 or 4 weeks…hmmm, ever since I set my boundary. Funny coincidence.

    Need some sleep now, good night Belle of the ball, Mel, and all you beautiful sirens. xox

  92.  #94alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    waaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i feel like ordering my couch. and



    what is up with me?

    i can usually entertain myself.


  93.  #95alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    i have outgrown my itty bitty life and am still trapped in my cage.


    for a long time i just wanted a stablsafe tiny life because i couldnt handle any more.

    now i have a tiny little life and it feels empty. roooohhhrr. mehr.

  94.  #96alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    lili 41 goodnite. i hope you feel better.

  95.  #97T-Girl on October 3, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    48 FW thank you for that. So far our relationship has been effortless but that is a good reminder to have. I think my issue is I don’t know how to handle myself in the moment so I shut down. I’m not blamey – just kind of stuck like not knowing what to do.

    The wierd thing is he is acting like nothing happened. I think he has his head in the sand right now too. I’m off to see him tonight just for a bit and as I said before, I’m just going to melt into him.

  96.  #98alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    ugh pfff. poooofffffff. pfff. phhfffff. paaahhhhhhffffff. prrffffhhh. mehpf. blehpffff.

    pfffffff. fffffffffffp. pf. pufffffff.


    i just thought of something exciting. lol. lol. lol.

  97.  #99alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    later taters.

  98.  #100Mel on October 3, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    K… I just purchased my ticket! I want to be pampered by hot latin men. Perhaps I could get a nice massage, fulfilling my need to be touched lovingly.

    I should put up an ad. Sexy cute siren needs various hot men to give her hugs. Auditions tomorrow.

  99.  #101Mel on October 3, 2011 at 6:53 pm


    That IS exciting! I want some of that!

  100.  #102VW on October 3, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Valerie #72:

    Thank you for sharing the article…beautiful and inspiring 🙂

    warm hugs,

  101.  #103Mel on October 3, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    New potential CD I am texting with just called me cupcake. How sweet! Now what kind of cupcake would I be? Somehing super chocolatey!

  102.  #104Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Mel, cupcake is so cute…aww how sweet! you should say that’s right cuz I’m so sweet and creamy!! LOL hahahaha….!!!!!!!!!! Hmm I would be a vanilla cupcake with strawberry icing and cherry filling….mwaahahaha

    I’m feeling naughty. Well guess what sirens, I met a new CD today. 🙂 tee hee…I was walking out of the nail salon and this cute, young black guy is walking by and smiling at me so I smile back,,,and he asks me where I work out, he works at the gym at the same plaza.

    I thought he was just trying to sell me a membership but I went in with him anyway cuz he was so cute, so I practiced leaning back and being sireny, feeling messages, etc, and I could tell he was interested. He asked for my number! I gave it to him…he is super sweet and cute!

    Not sure how old…but FW, SLV et al…I guess all this talk about younger guys was in my subconscious because that’s what I attracted today!

    I feel so empowered like my vibe is shifting away from Recycled and I can attract any guy I want. 🙂 much better than yesterday when I stayed home all day and sulked.

    I need to get out of the house more often.

  103.  #105Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    oh my gawsh and ladies my nails look so BOMB…I got the shatter polish for the first time and it’s super hot, makes me smile!

    go to this site:
    scroll to the bottom of the page and click on the square that says “shatter” and you will see it

  104.  #106Daisy on October 3, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Rori – I have a question for you. I am new to your products and so have been reading through the blog and Targeting Mr. Right.
    My question is I have been seeing a guy for the last 2 months. We have progressed to a sexual dating relationship and all aspects have been going well. I have continued to go out with others and Circular date as you call it. he has done the same. But we did have the specific exclusive sex talk early..i think before the second or third time.
    Well he told me yesterday that a girl that he has a had a date with is traveling to see him this coming weekend..and might stay over. She lives a few hours away. he told me about this – and I am ok with the date. But I am uncomfortable if they have sex. Is this something I need to get over becuase we are not exclusive? Nothing has happened yet…do I need to wait and see what he says after it happens. He asked me how I felt about her possibly staying there. I was very careful becuase I did not want to put pressure. So I answered “I cannot tell you what to do or not do sexually with another girl. You have to make that decision.” My thinking is I want him to make the decision not to sleep with her…not make the decision becuase I told him one way or another.
    How should I handle it from here? I wonder if I just gave him “permission” to sleep with this other person…of course i dont think he was asking permission. But I have till this next weekend. I still have time to share with him my true feelings if that is what I should do.
    thanks for your help, daisy

  105.  #107Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Daisy, I’m not one to give advice. I would like to comment though that at least he’s being really honest and up front with you.

  106.  #108Daisy on October 3, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    Yes and I feel appreciative of that too. I am a bit confused why he asked me how I felt about it… is this like a bid he is throwing out?

  107.  #109Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    Daisy, have you expressed to him that you feel confused why he asked you about it?

  108.  #110Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Daisy I believe he is asking because he wants to know what you are feeling and what you will accept in your life. It is one thing to know and another to not know. For me that would be totally unacceptable because I would be concerned about my health and I would not want to be sharing sexual stuff. I believe he might be hoping that you would value yourself more than you are showing.

  109.  #111Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    Emerson is it the opi gel? I have had that and since heard about a documentary suggesting that the light they use to dry it could possibly cause health problems.

  110.  #112Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    RE 97 TGirl that’s how a lot of guys act. Maybe hoping that the problems will magically go away. I would experiment with saying I feel shut down and I don’t want to feel that way so I am going to take care of myself and leave letting him know you will come back as soon as you feel better or more open.

  111.  #113Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    111 FW nope it’s just the shatter polish, you put a layer of it over regular polish and it leaves a “shatter” look…I don’t know about the gel..?? But good to know..
    I used to get all the fakey fake nails (loved it) but now I just get manicures. 🙂

  112.  #114Daisy on October 3, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    thanks for your thoughts. I am not ok with him sleeping with someone else for health reasons either. What i thought was that if he sleeps with her, then I will tell him we can still date but sex will not be an option for me if he is sleeping with other women. I have not shared that I am confused becuase he asked me. I havent shared much cause I was trying to not give a knee jerk reaction and think through what I wanted to say. Do I tell him before hand the “consequences” that I will not continue a sexual relationship with him. Is that pressure or is that telling him my needs?

  113.  #115Femininewoman on October 3, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    Daisy Rori’s work is around focussing on you. What you want in your life and how you feel. Focussing on not putting pressure on him after you have shared the most intimate part of your physical being seems to be suggesting that you don’t value yourself enough. Sex should be discussed before acting on it. Now that you are at this cross road you need to discuss it. Rori has articles about other women in his life I would encourage you to read them. They are to the bottom right of the blog

  114.  #116alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 8:55 pm


    I am going to email this guy and let him know. NO!

    and I am going to tell cdbd how i really feel when he calls next.

    and i dont want to talk to toothpaste guy again.



  115.  #117la chiquita bonita on October 3, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    Thanks feminine woman- yes there are core beliefs that affect who we are. My hope is that dealing with my feelings in the present will continue to help with that instead of the impulse to blaime certain older family members who…meant well but had a very distorted approach to life now that I see things clearer.
    I feel cold and frustrated to feel cold. I feel anxious to tidy up my room. I feel intrigued about tomorrow..good night every one

  116.  #118alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    and i did tell this guy, this opportunity or rather this faux opportunity leader

    i had a conversation today via skype

    about how i was kind of viewing the future.

    i felt so relieved.

    i feel unsure he knows what he is doing really.

    i feel really appreciative of the opportunity because i truly learned a ton in this short time buuuuuuutttttttttttt

    i am feeling kind of um


    which is what i am going to tell him. somehow.

  117.  #119alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    dear person,

    i feel very appreciative of this opportunity and having met you and

    i also feel uncomfortable with the way things unfolded. it is just not at all what i had envisioned.
    when we spoke i got the impression that the job had far more freedom than it does. you had said that you would rent and office and i could go there….or not. (which i interpreted as freedom as long as i got what needed to be done===done)

    and we have been through it already but the year long contract had never been mentioned.

    and now i am tethered to this skype all day which in reality at this point is not necessary for me to be online on skype all day. it just feels like a short leash to me.

    and i wil be honest. i got far more done the week BEFORE you ever hired me or i ever got paid because i was excited about everything.

    and now i feel clamped down on and under survellience and not trusted.

    and i am happy to finish this writing under this “salary” arrangement but after that I do not want to be salaried for an entire’s day work at this rate. I work efficiently and i am not a robot. i do not need to be at the computer for eight hours a day pretending to work to collect a salary.



  118.  #120alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    ew toothpaste guy is calling.


  119.  #121alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    screw yourself and anyone else who thinks i am some suckerfish.

  120.  #122alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    screw yourself and your mama if you think i am some suckerfish non goddess type who works like a robot because mass consciousness has ingrained fear into the very heart and soul of the peoples

  121.  #123alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    well so far my email is not coming out well enough to send.

  122.  #124Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    119 AGlol
    I like it.
    a lot.
    well said.


  123.  #125English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 9:13 pm

    #53/56 Tiffany

    GO Siren woopp!! I love reading these Siren stories. 🙂

  124.  #126alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:13 pm

    dear suckerfish,

    you are the suckerfish. not me. this feels like lose-lose to me. not win win. it feels like sukcerfish-suckerfish and i dont want to play emotional or psychological chess with people.

    i am an open and free flowing goddess and this robot bs is really messing with my vibe.

    what do you think?

  125.  #127alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    124 emerson thankyou. really? i feel at a loss what to write. and i am recovering from fear-ingrained decision making so i feel a little nervous.

  126.  #128alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    dear person. this feels bad. i feel bad. i feel i went from so happy and hopeful to jailed prisoner. i feel depressed and i cant allow myself to feel that way. i would rather do a million other things than stay stuck in something out of fear. so if we dont find a solution that works for both of us, and especially me, i am cutting tail and ciao. and all.

  127.  #129Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    127 AGlol

    Yes, really.

    I feel inspired you are being true to yourself.

    Not doing something you don’t want to do.

    Not wanting to be treated in a way you feel uncomfortable with….being “watched” perse’…
    blech who wants that???

    On a totally different topic,
    I also feel inspired by Daisy and FW discussing the sex and exclusivity thing. I am going to hold myself to a very very high expensive value. No matter how “needy” I feel if you know what i mean 😯

  128.  #130alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    my vibe feels so jacked. rrrrrr.

    seek relief. –
    i dont need to become yblissfull. just seek relief from feeling bad. ok. doing that right now on the blog…

    become more vague. –
    i actually forgot how to do this. what does this mean? “go general” abraham says. i cant for the life of me remember how this tool works.

    shift focus. –
    i am finding it difficult to do this right now. i feel laser focused on feeling bad. thankyou.


  129.  #131alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    129 thank you emerson. i feel appreciative. i feel supported. i feel for one tiny second a shift onto something that feels good.

    i can do this. i can bounce back, i have been at this for a while. i can move myself back up. i can go watch and abraham video. i can go skate. nothing needs to be taken care of this RED HOT MINUTE. i can bask and chill. and when i feel like composing an email. i will. in the meantime– clinkity clink– i am still getting paid. there is no immediate urgent need to do anything RIGHT THIS RED HOT MINUTE.

  130.  #132English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    #104 Emerson

    Loving your kitten ways, meow indeed. 🙂

  131.  #133alias girl lol on October 3, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    i was experimenting with makeup earlier in my boredom which was really all this crap in disguise

    and anyway i did my eyemakeup and it came out dastardly. and not in a good way.


    so i took it off.

    i am going to go for a jolly skate now.

    i <3 me.

  132.  #134Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    oh i want to skate too!! hmm…maybe I will get some blades this weekend! I feel inspired AG

  133.  #135English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    #83 Esteemed

    YAY to your first paycheque!! You have been very quiet here lately, hope things are starting to work out for you at long last.

  134.  #136Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Esteemed it’s great to see your name! hugs and keep us posted on what’s going on with you! Miss you! xo, Emerson

  135.  #137Starla on October 3, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    CD1 is just practice. CD1 is just practice. CD1 is a CD and he is just practice. CD1 is just practice. CD1 is just practice. CD1 is a CD and he is just practice.

    CD1 is just practice. CD1 is just practice. CD1 is a CD and he is just practice. CD1 is just practice. CD1 is just practice. CD1 is a CD and he is just practice.

  136.  #138Starla on October 3, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    Mel, I leaned back today! I looked at his Facebook twice. A woman who has a crush on him was leaning forward on his wall. He didn’t even answer her. It felt like a nice, welcome reminder to lean back. 🙂

    I leaned back with all men, in fact. I feel good. Sorry I looked at his facebook, but at least I wasn’t as bad as I usually am. 🙂 Which is like 20x a day. LOL

    My vibe is shifting. I am feeling much better and less afraid.

  137.  #139Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    Just got off the phone wit my country boy CD. We talked for hours. I was trusting and being myself and I loved the way the whole conversation felt. I felt treasured. Like my time on the phone was just worth everything at that moment. And now he’s talking about me coming to Louisiana for a weekend. Felt good hearing that he wanted 2 spend some time together 🙂 and I think it would feel great to go down there!!!

  138.  #140Starla on October 3, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    CD2 left a message for me saying he just wanted to touch base. He tries to talk to me every day. I feel sad that CD1 isn’t doing these things. Noticing that one feels better than the other. But the thing is, it’s cuz I don’t care about CD2’s opinion of me. Talking to him feels fun…and talking to CD1 feels fun (way more fun) but also feels like AHHH PLEASE LOVE ME!

    But CD1 is just practice. He is just a CD. Nothing more. And he is here right now to give me the experience of a man confessing his feelings for me and then our resulting insecurity and inconsistency and expectations. This is all quite the experience. And it’s all just PRACTICE. No stakes. I wonder how this one will turn out. I feel so curious.

    I will be reminding myself of this constantly. Followed by doing something to take care of myself.

  139.  #141Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    Starla I know just what u mean. I am noticing that when I am thinking about being liked or likeable is when conversation starts to feel off but when I have a “fxck it, this is me” attitude, I have the time of my life with these guys”

  140.  #142Starla on October 3, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    I have 2 long distance CD’s, one of which I would actually be interested in and another that I don’t want to ever consider seriously, but they are stepping up pretty sweetly considering how far away they are, and it feels so good and I feel so lit-up.

    All these men are competing for my attention and I will end up with the one who treats me best and lights my fire the most. A delicate balance, but if I take my time I will get this. Yum!

    All is well:)

  141.  #143Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    YAY for the competition of which you are the prize Starla!!!

  142.  #144Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    I also have 2 long distance CDs, also one who lives about 30 mins away and one walking distance away. The last one is also my ex and is my least favorite CD right now.

  143.  #145Starla on October 3, 2011 at 10:21 pm

    Emoticon, I love your posts. Didn’t you mention you’re pretty young? Like 20-21? I wish I had your great attitude and siren know-how at that age. Now I’m almost 27 an barely catching on. 🙂

  144.  #146Xti on October 3, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    Hi Daisy
    Re #114, I had this experience earlier this year with a CD, Mr. Slumber Party.

    He was the one to initiate the exclusivity early on but then after a few weeks, he suddenly told me that another woman was coming to stay with him for a week — pre-arranged prior to meeting me.

    When he saw the look on my face, he hurriedly said that she would be staying in a spare room and there would be absolutely no sex, and she even booked a hotel room as a back up. Though he acknowledged that hooking up was the plan when she booked the trip 6 months earlier…before we met.

    I remember struggling to breathe for a second, but then calming myself and taking a quick feelings inventory. I remember feeling sick and afraid and tight at first and then I decided to lean back and be as open as I could manage.

    I said I understood about her coming. He asked if I was okay and I said I didn’t really feel comfortable. He said he would be the same way in my position. I said that I was glad he could see where I was coming from. Then I took a deep breath and said that I felt bad and he hugged me and said he was sorry, he understood, (and to be fair maybe he did. But ultimately, what HE wanted to DO was more important to him than how I FELT.)

    He barely kept in touch – just a single text – over the week she visited. Things were never the same between us after that week. His communication bottomed out, and I didn’t lean forward.

    A couple weeks later, I went on a business trip and met my sweet Texan, who’s been commuting thousands (literally) of miles to see me ever since, & I saw after I got home that Mr. Slumber Party had quietly unfriended me on FB.

    I truly believe he self-selected himself out of my life to make room for my Texan. I held my boundaries with Mr. Slumber Party and he realized that he had to let me go. I’m so glad he did.

    I found it curious and interesting that along with Mr. Slumber Party, every single other CD poofed at the same time as my Texan appeared. And though I had some hesitation at first because he seemed too sure too fast of my being his One, now I’m trusting my intuition.

    I feel safe letting my feelings lead because he always meets me wherever I am emotionally. I can’t say the wrong thing, and when I feel I have, I ask him. He goes out of his way to reassure me and validate my feelings.

    Being with Mr. Slumber Party felt dangerous, exciting, lonely, dramatic and hard. Being with my Texan feels safe, fun, happy, seductive, and most of all…EASY. I feel like I finally get it.

  145.  #147Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    Thank you Starla! 🙂 thankfully I’m the type of person who googles everything! I had relationship problems and am so happy I even googled that. One thing led to another and I found Rori. I’m trying to learn well so that all of this becomes a part of me and the Siren response is always my natural response. Habits can be broken and replaced by new ones and that our goal here!

  146.  #148alias girl on October 3, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    146 xti thank you. 🙂 i feel very comfy and reassured to read that.

  147.  #149English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    By Rori Raye

    Author of best-selling eBook Have The Relationship You Want and free newsletter

    So you’ve finally met a man you really like and can see yourself having a relationship with him. You should make an effort to show him you’re a real find, right?

    Actually, no. The fantastic thing about being a woman is that getting a man to see how wonderful you are doesn’t involve any effort at all. In fact, it’s all about simply being, not doing.


    When we meet a great guy, we women often try to do, do, do whatever we can to make him see what a great catch we are. We’ll go out of our way to do things for a man, plan outings together, and sometimes even say yes to things he wants that go against what we want.

    You can’t convince a man to fall in love. But you can lead him there by connecting to his heart. One of the most powerful ways to do this is to let yourself be guided by your feminine energy rather than your masculine. Feminine energy is about being instead of doing. When you focus on simply being in the moment and enjoying a man’s company and attention, you automatically shift your vibe so that he can step into the masculine, doer role.

    To do that, you must first be open to receive.


    Inspiring a man to see you as the one woman he wants to be with forever is all about you being able to receive love.

    Men fall in love when they give to you, not because of how much you give them or do for them. When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.

    When you are open to receiving from a man, you are sending a message that you value yourself – you believe you are worthy of his time, attention, gestures, and ultimately his love. So resist the temptation to prove your worth by giving and instead create the space for him to give to you.


    Men are competitive creatures who value what they have to work hard to get. If he gets a sense that you’re completely devoted to him with very little investment on his part, he’ll question your value.

    This means you do not give away exclusivity to a man until you have the commitment you want from him. Instead, you keep dating and meeting lots of different men so that you give yourself a chance to find out what you really want and need from a relationship. At the same time, you aren’t prematurely cutting yourself off from your Mr. Right in case you haven’t met him yet!

    When you keep the focus on yourself and keep yourself open to other men, you send the message loud and clear that you’re a woman who puts herself first and that you are a prize. This elevates your “degree of difficulty” so he has to step up his game to get you all to himself…or risk another guy beating him to it.


    The most important thing to remember when you are dating a man and want him to realize how wonderful you are is to put your happiness first.

    If you love taking a dance class every Thursday night, don’t give it up just because he’s in the picture and you don’t want him to think you’re not interested. Letting him know you have a life before him actually makes him more attracted to you – not just because you’re not about to drop everything for him, but because people who are passionate about their interests are interesting people!

    So, tell him, “It would feel so great to see Thursday, but I have my dance class that night, and I love it. I’m free Tuesday or Friday.” Then ask him what he thinks. It might feel a little scary to do this with a guy you really like, but the right guy will gladly re-arrange his plans to see you. Why? Because you’ve just proven you’re a great catch he has to woo and win.

  148.  #150English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    #145 Starla

    Try being 58 and only just “getting” it!!!

  149.  #151English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    I got the above article when I signed out of POF earlier.

    I am whittling down the potential CD’s on there to 3 lucky men LOL!!

    And STILL the young ‘uns keep coming to my Siren youth club……..don’t they know I am old enough to be their mother LOL!! It’s so cute. 🙂

  150.  #152Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    English Woman, thanx for that post by Rori!

  151.  #153English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    #146 xti

    “Being with Mr. Slumber Party felt dangerous, exciting, lonely, dramatic and hard. Being with my Texan feels safe, fun, happy, seductive, and most of all…EASY. I feel like I finally get it.”

    Thank you for sharing that, it felt good to read. 🙂

  152.  #154Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    BTW English woman, you have been around maybe as long as their mother but not old enough to be their mother. Clearly physically and spiritually ur young enough to be their partner lol That’s why they keep coming

  153.  #155English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    #154 Emoticon

    Aww thank you for that, so nice of you. 🙂

  154.  #156English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    Wow just got my youngest young ‘un yet!! 23 and AMERICAN (lives here) in the UK!! Oh I do loves me those American male accents. 😀

    His IM simply said

    You are so yum. x

    And he is a fitness freak and man you should see his 6 pack, wooo hooooo!!

    I think I am old enough to be this one’s GRANDMOTHER ha ha ha !!!

    😀 😀 😀

  155.  #157English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    #149 Rori Raye

    “Men fall in love when they give to you, not because of how much you give them or do for them. When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.”

    This one is going to be a big challenge for me as I am a giver……not a taker (receiver), so will have to work on this mentally (or feelingly) any thoughts on this one Siren?

    Is it easy for you to receive or are you a giver having to work on the desire to give?

  156.  #158Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    Wow EW!!!!

    Now I’m feeling soo inpsired to allow younger guys into my periphery and not rule them out like I have been doing…I will no longer block them out, so they can flow to me if they’d like.

    Hmm that just opened up a huge number of men that are pontentials for me to CD…I don’t always have to go up in age.

    There is a relationship coach on tv the millionaire matchmaker, and she insists that women (esp in their upper 30s and into the 40’s and up…) need to go waay up in age when it comes to enduring romance/ long term relationships. I feel open to older men too…but some really turn me off. I’m just being honest.

  157.  #159Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    “Is it easy for you to receive or are you a giver having to work on the desire to give?” – EW

    I don’t ever have the desire to give to a man until I get hung up on him and think about him all day and everything I see looks like something he would like. What I have a problem with (and am confused about) is what to do when they specifically ask for something. Sometimes I say no outright when I really don’t feel like doing it (like when my ex asked me 2 do his laundry 🙁 and to cook, he ended up cooking for us both though) but right now one CD is mentioning birthday gifts like crazy, and I wish one of you Sirens can tell me how to handle this!

  158.  #160Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    157 about the not “giving”…I see it this way as I’ve read somewhere in this blog et al…. we are giving our sirenish company and our time to them, which is huge in iteself! No need to cook dinners, give presents…etc etc…which I wish someone would have told me a loooonnnggg time ago!
    Gosh I used to do that stuff all the time.. I mean LITERALLY buy the guy presents and stuff. Even if he was not buying me sh*t. blech.

    I was taught to be a giver and generous….so confusing I had it all wrong…we are supposed to be those things…but not in the beginning with a man!!! So frustrating that we (I) were taught so wrong.

  159.  #161Emoticon on October 3, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    Emerson, I love the millionaire match-maker but I tend to disagree with her often. For me I could date someone at any age once I’m attracted to them and they make me feel good. I mean once every1 is above the legal age of consent, its all good! Lol

  160.  #162Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    I remember a friend had that book referenced in the article “getting to I do” and I have thought of it a time or two when I’ve read Roris stuff….

    I was shown that book ages and ages ago…in the early 90s…I recall being intrigued by it and I think I even read most of it…I do recall the masc/fem energy thing. I was not sure about it, if I subscribed to it or not…and I was not sure about putting it into action because it was foreign and uncomfortable. I was in my early 20s.

    So I thought I’d run it by a reliable source. I remember being in college at the time and taking women’s studies etc, and I brought it up to a professor and a couple of classmates,,,and we all joined in to scoff at such a silly book. As IF we need to GET to I DO!!
    Hmmph! We are liberated women! We were thinking, what a dumb book! The nerve of the author to write such a thing! I was still young and not really in tune with thinking for myself, so I thought my prof must be right and I scoffed at the book too and never took it seriously again. Continued on my unsirenish ways and eventually my boyfriend dumped me. (the one I dreamed abotu last nite)

    I was foolish for not taking it more seriously.

  161.  #163Sweetpea on October 3, 2011 at 11:21 pm


    In the past, I have told men that I won’t continue to be sexually involved with them unless we are sexually exclusive. Ideally, I tell them this before I become sexually involved, but I’ve done it both ways. This idea is from a coach other than Rori, but it worked for me. Feeling Messages are not my strong suit still today, and definitely weren’t then; it’s just an idea for you to see if it generates a FM for you to use in this situation. Wishing for wisdom and just the right words for you in this situation. Have you read about writing a speech, yet? You may not need a speech in this situation, but perhaps writing down your feelings around this and finding what you’d feel comfortable saying to him would be a good place to start?

  162.  #164Ella on October 3, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    Ok Sirens,

    So I feel pleased to report that last night was just a glitch. I kinda slid halfway off my horse for a minute and luckily didn’t go too far.

    Thanks Shar LWB for being there to catch me and remind me of a few things. And Siren Island in general.

    Well I took a shower and watched toxic men again whilst doing my nails (useful tool Alias Girl 🙂 ) And then got ready for work, and although I did not sleep immediately I felt calm enough that I did drop off to sleep and prioritised what I have to do today over man (J) drama.

    And I feel good about that.

    So now it is early morning here (well early for me) and I am getting ready for an early start at work with a full on day running an Avon recruitment stall.

    Although the timing of the slip up was not perfect I feel good about how I handled it.

    And I would say I am back up on my horse and looking forward to hearing from my new CDs.


  163.  #165Sweetpea on October 3, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    Lol – seems I’m stuck on the word “situation” tonight.

  164.  #166Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    Aww Ella that feels so good to hear. Sorry I’m not big on advice but I admire your honesty, softness, girliness, sirenishness and determination.

  165.  #167Sweetpea on October 3, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    Ella -Just a thought here – I know, not a feeling. Everytime I see you professing that J fell off because you kissed his friend, I think, “why does she think that?”. Like I said, just a thought.

    It feels interesting to me to read your posts around this though. It reminds me of the guy I fell for a few years back who took me FOREVER to get over. I was talking with my brother about him and he said, “I think you think about this too much.”

    So here I go, thinking again. Hmm. Interesting.

  166.  #168Sweetpea on October 3, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    Emerson, @ 162 –

    Funny you should mention that. My dad always told me there has to be a leader (masculine) in the relationship and someone has to be “submissive.” I still feel stiff-necked at that word. This thought of his was the first thing I thought of when Rori was making sense to me though. Despite my feelings of rebellion at his use of words, he was still right I guess. Damn! Hate when I have to admit that! 😀

  167.  #169Sweetpea on October 3, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    EW –
    “Men fall in love when they give to you, not because of how much you give them or do for them. When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.”

    I feel myself shrinking back on this one. I feel resistance (a “but”). I know this is right – and I’ve got it down pat with MM – which is super cool, because a year ago I felt uncomfortable letting a man pay for dates. But…here it is… at this point, I have to drive to him. He offered to pick me up on the first date and that felt really, super good, but (again) I have to take my dog everywhere with me so it’s not feasible to do. Hmmm…maybe this has to be a “love me, love my dog situation”? That feels tight in my chest, but it really does feel bad to me to drive to him. Harumph and pphhhbbbbtttt!!!

  168.  #170Emerson on October 3, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    168 LOL Sweetpea..
    Your Dad sounds like a wise man!

    Sigh….I recall how crazy about me my boyfriend at that time was too..when I was in college. I probably killed his attraction by being so giving and nice and annoying. I used to do his laundry and everything! 😯 I sucked at cooking, but he taught me. 🙂 He would cook for me, but I cleaned and bought gifts and drove to him and all kinds of other crap. Good Lord. Aww I feel compassion for the younger version of me. I was trying soo hard. Aww..

  169.  #171English Woman on October 3, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    #168 Sweetpea

    Your dad was so right, though I do hate the word submissive to me it = doormat and I don’t want to be one ever again, probably why I had so much resistance to Rori in the beginning LOL!! I am a bit of a rebel too!!

    She really pi$$ed me off at times with all that girly girly stuff and wear long hair and red lacy blouses – funny I can laugh now I have let my hair grow a little longer and have some frilly blouses too ha ha!! 😀

  170.  #172Sweetpea on October 3, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    EW- No offense to you, of course.

    Is he going to start thinking of me as his mother or friend because I drive to meet him? Screw that! Now I feel shaky inside thinking that. There I go, thinking again! More harumph!

    Anyway, I can hardly remember the days, but I used to give to men. I think. It feels really foreign to me at this point. No wait! Last year I gave to TTG when he would ask me to. And it felt ick. I felt resentful about it. I don’t give to him anymore, he gives to me. That feels much better (and feels selfish to say). But, it is what it is.

    I call MM on rare occasions when he asks me to. It’s kind of a joke between us and that doesn’t feel ick. Funny to look back and see the changes in me over the past year. Very Cool!

  171.  #173Violet on October 4, 2011 at 12:01 am

    Hello, Sirens

    I love the following comment from post number 3. from Tzenny because it fits me so well! ::

    “I am a type A female warrior, able leap buildings in a single bound, emotionally support an entire village and able to snag any man I wanted to bed down”

    It seemed as if I was at odds with myself for such a LONG time. It was like my spiritual nature (Feminine) and my physical nature (Masculine) were fighting tooth and nail for dominance.

    It only took me 55 yrs and some of Rori’s blogs to realize that these natures could live in harmony with one another.

    I felt like I had been pushing myself to be in a relationship with a man. I posted ads on Craigslist, had profiles on PlentyOfFish,,, and SpeedDate.

    I could sense myself consciously and unconsciously scoping out potential mates. During this time, I could feel my masculine energy working overtime.

    Thing about it is… My masculine energy did not work in harmony with my feminine energy. It was like, I didn’t trust my feminine energy at all.

    ‘About’ two weeks ago (and without the aid of Rori tools), I finally came to terms with myself. Now, things are totally different because I have no expectations of wanting or needing a man in my life.

    I made it okay to love myself just as I am. Once I did this, it was like a weight off my shoulders. Now, when I do things, I do them for myself.

    It’s hard to explain how different things are because it feels so natural. It’s like I’m giving off this groovy Siren vibe without even thinking about it.

    What I like best is that I’ve allowed myself to be who I am. I don’t angst about getting asked out on a date.

    I guess the bottom line is that I’ve fallen in love with myself.

    There’s not much else to say other than my feminine and masucuine energy are at peace with one another and working together without any help from me.

    Thank you for reading this, and for any feedback you choose to offer.

    ~ Violet ~

  172.  #174Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:01 am

    #171 – That’s so funny, EW! I had to wear skirts (mid-calf length, ugh!) growing up and I thought I would never wear another skirt again in my life! Now I love skirts (but considerably shorter, woowoo!)! I feel so girly in them. It’s taken me awhile to get comfortable with my femininity as well. I relate very well to the savage “kick a$$” side of Daria (sorry to speak of you in third person. Where the heck are you by the way?!). My dad also taught me to be very independent and taught me to box in the 3rd grade when a boy was beating me up after school. heeheehee!!! I ran into him a few years back and he still has a crush on me. 😀

  173.  #175English Woman on October 4, 2011 at 12:03 am

    #158 Emerson

    Yes let them all in and you can have your own little fan clubs just like me and I am no Marilyn Monroe. 😀

    You don’t have to answer any of them young or old if you don’t feel like. And the funny thing for me is the oldies seem to have died away…….more and more young ‘uns stepping through the door of my fan club, it’s fun. 🙂

    Though of course I would prefer hot men in my age group, maybe it’s out there on the horizon and when they do come I will feel worthy of receiving from them cos hey I can get men in their 20’s and 30’s if I want! Yay that’s the story I am telling myself today.

    I listened to that Byron Katie youtube on my iPod this morning when I was walking, the one with the young woman who was afraid to get out there and date because she was scared of having her heart broken again, I am sooo like an older version of her, but I feel like I am finally on the right path to getting out there and just doing it, feel the fear and do it anyway. 🙂

  174.  #176English Woman on October 4, 2011 at 12:06 am

    #174 Sweetpea

    Awww I wish I could wear short skirts again too but I am too old now even though my legs are my best feature I have to stop the skirts at the knee. 🙁

    So sad, but don’t want to look like mutton dressed as lamb.

  175.  #177Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:08 am

    170 – My dad is a wise man. Which is not necessarily a good thing for me to know since he’s still (even though I’ve been out of the house for 20ish years and he’s 350 miles away) convinced that no man is good enough for me. I’ve finally (the past year) learned to not talk to him about my dates. I think when I get married, I’ll tell him after the fact or maybe a day or two before the wedding. (I’m serious!). Every time I tell him about a guy I’m dating (even though he’s never met him) he picks him apart – and because I KNOW he’s so wise, I believe him. I’ve sabotaged many a relationship because of my dad telling me things like “he bought a corvette to pick up women,” “he’s in sales; probably has a girlfriend in every town”. Ugh! I feel pathetic for buying into it but I can’t seem to help myself. I love him to pieces anyway and feel grateful that he cares enough to try to protect me. If only he could help to protect me from myself and those nasty, nagging little voices!!!

  176.  #178Violet on October 4, 2011 at 12:08 am

    Oh, and I forgot to add: I took my profiles off all those dating sites.

    The BIG reason being… I don’t want or need them.

    ~ Violet ~

  177.  #179alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:09 am

    i seriously go on pof now to just crack myself up. lol.

  178.  #180Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:10 am

    173, Violet – sounds like you’re in a very good place. I feel very much the same, but it took about a year and a half of Rori re-training to get me here. Feels fantastic though, doesn’t it?

  179.  #181Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 12:10 am

    176 EW
    “So sad, but don’t want to look like mutton dressed as lamb.”


    EW!!! This made me laugh…but I feel kinda bad reading it like you are not mutton…at all…but garsh you are funny!

    I know what you mean tho…I am 40 (oops I mean 46, my new made up age) and I question wearing skirts above the knee…??

  180.  #182alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:12 am

    i told him my pictures were like 25 years old. lol.

  181.  #183Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 12:12 am

    AG I’m off the dating sites now, but I miss the entertainment value of some of the dudes on there….LOL is right
    lol lol lol lol lol

  182.  #184Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 12:14 am

    Gawsh I’m being haunted by my dream from last night…not in a bad way…I just keep thinking about it and I feel transported back in time….I posted about it on the other thread. Perhaps I will repost it here…

  183.  #185Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:14 am

    176, English Woman – LOL! You and the mutton. C’mon now, you have the lambs chasing you, dress the part!

    I love hearing about the young’uns chasing you, by the way. On a more serious note, knee length is good – 6-8″ shorter than what I grew up in and mid-calf is a horrible length on almost anyone; draws attention to the thickest part of the leg! ugh! I don’t wear mine super short, but I do like to go an inch or two above the knee just for fun (and I’ve got some good gams going, too. Aren’t we blessed)?

  184.  #186Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:16 am

    Oops – I meant mid-calf draws attention to the thickest part of the calf. 😀

  185.  #187Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 12:16 am

    REpost from the other thread:

    Sirens I had a crazy dream last night that I was with my ex from a loonng time ago…hmm somewhat like soulmate ex as AGlol calls it. He was my first love from a long time ago and I have not seen him in over a decade!
    I dreamt that I ran into him, or I was with him for soem weird reason, not sure…and I just felt super confident!
    He looked a lot older but had the same personality, etc…and I just felt like a badass the whole time..we were treating each other as friends and running errands etc., kinda strange but anyway by the end I was feeling attracted to him and felt the old emotions of love coming back and I was like oh oh no…I don’t want to go thru this heart break again! He broke up with me back then and soooo broke my heart sooo badly… I was sad for a long time. I was in my 20s.

    Anyway, we work in the same town, but I have yet to run into him. It’s a small town, too! So I wonder if I will see him now.

    Sometimes if I dream about someonefrom the past , I end up seeing them or hearing form them in some way. Its weird.

  186.  #188Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 12:18 am

    Sweetpea I like a couple inches above the knee as well….

  187.  #189Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 12:18 am

    Skirts with no panties….LOL here we go again 🙂

  188.  #190Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:21 am

    AGlol – I’m still on the dating sites, too. I have some emails on OKC that I should respond to, but I don’t feel like it. I’m having way too much fun frolicking here in the surf and sand. Maybe I should go on OKC and see if I can start a water fight! Oh wait! That’s more fun on EMK’s blog. Except I don’t think they know how to have fun there. It’s all so serious! There I go talking smack again and I really shouldn’t. I just feel picked on and icky there though. Yuck. And someone (Emerson, maybe?) posted about how it seems …shallow-ish(?)… there. Like Rori’s blog is so much more deep. I agree. I can go to my bro (or DAD — LOLOL) for “dump him” advice.

    Sorry. Don’t know why I directed all of this at you, AGlol. Got off on a tangent.

  189.  #191Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:26 am

    Still feeling triggered by EMK, obviously. I did work through a bunch of stuff and tried to have a reasonable conversation with him and it felt like talking to a wall. Then I realized I was explaining and probably didn’t feel good because of that. So…whatever. I still have some work to do around how I feel about closed-minded people, but I got through lots of it and that feels good. Baby steps. Probably triggers me cuz I’m as mule-headed as he is. I feel like I can admit when I’m wrong, though. Maybe I can’t. Hmmm…maybe just like him, when there’s something I’m wrong about, but something I feel right about too, I just ignore what I’m wrong about and repeat what I feel right about. Oh boy! Now I feel like I’m talking in circles. More work to do, more work. Always more work. And yet…I feel perfectly ME!

  190.  #192Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:28 am

    Hmmm….when I’m wearing a skirt is generally the only time I wear panties! I’m Captain Commando most of the time. I’m thinking of skipping the panties next time I wear a skirt on a date with MM though. Is that naughty, do ya think?

    Yep. I’m definitely naughty. And a tramp. And a sl8t. And I doon’t caare.

    Much. Ha!

  191.  #193alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:29 am

    183 emerson. missing all the lols pof can provide! i dont even feel disappointed anymore. just lol!

  192.  #194Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:32 am

    187 Emerson,

    OMG!! How do you feel about the prospect of running into him again?! I felt my heart go thump, thump, thump like a scared lil bunny when I read that!

    I’m kind of facing a similar situation right now. In the middle of a settlement with an ins co from an accident I was in with the first guy I could ever truly imagine myself being married to. We talked about getting married and having six kids (on our first date)! (Maybe EMK’s right and that is a bad sign. Hmmm. Anyway…). It took me years to come to terms with the fact that it was over. So sad. And now I’m faced with the prospect of having to talk to him again – and see him again. I feel super duper nervous about it.

  193.  #195alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:34 am

    190 sweetpea thank you. i loved your tangent. you are a lovely sweetpea.

  194.  #196alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:35 am

    i emailed one guy an told him he was handsome

    he is soooooooooooooooooooooooo handsome. i feel not worthy. wah.

  195.  #197Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:38 am

    AGlol – Awww! Thanks!

    Just out of curiosity, the guy you emailed to say he’s handsome, were you leaning forward?!

  196.  #198Lucy on October 4, 2011 at 12:38 am

    um… no panties… what happens when you get turned on and really wet…??? P.S. Hi everyone! 🙂

  197.  #199Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:41 am

    AGlol – No judgment. I really am just curious. I’ve done that before and I don’t think it’s ever turned out well for me. They either completely blow me off, or we email back and forth a few times and it poofs.

    But I wonder, if I did now, would it be the same? I might have to experiment. Hmmmm…. Checking OKC right now to see if there’s some hunky guy I can throw some sea shells in front of. I haven’t been on POF in a long time. Maybe I should sheck that one out too.

  198.  #200alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:42 am

    197 sweetpea. nah. this guy wants kids. we could never be longterm. i was just practicing telling a handsome man he is handsome. it was scary.

    also practicing possibly being rejected/ignored by a man i told was handsome.

    and also practicing being a goddess if he emailed back. (which he did OMG)

  199.  #201Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:42 am

    Lucy!!!!!!!!!!! Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Answer: you either spend a lot of time in the bathroom, leave a wet spot on your skirt, or hope he takes you home and puts you out of your misery?

  200.  #202alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:44 am

    my tendency is to immediately feel not worthy with men i feel attracted to.

    i’m just trying to break up the ice inside me a little. you know, actually try and relate like a human being to men i find handsome.

  201.  #203Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:44 am

    AGlol – Keep us updated on that, will ya? Feeling really, really curious now!

  202.  #204alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:47 am

    also letting the universe what i like 😉

    also letting myself have what i want

    also cding HHGs whether cdbd calls or not.


  203.  #205Lucy on October 4, 2011 at 12:47 am

    Hi Sweetpea! Lol. Not sure I’d want to be walking around with a wet spot on my skirt … or dripping on the floor… 🙂

  204.  #206alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:49 am

    203 well he said something about a “red flag” in my profile. and i told him i have plenty more red flags and that we werent compatible long term anyhooha…

    we are still emailing.

  205.  #207Lucy on October 4, 2011 at 12:49 am

    Did you write about some difficulty with EMK on another thread? I read what you wrote on this one and I feel curious…. I had some trouble with him on facebook….

  206.  #208Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:52 am

    AGlol – Nice! Was your first message just flat out, “I think your handsome?”

    Heehee! I like the “plenty more red flags” comment. Go Siren! Like the idea of letting the universe know what you like, too.

  207.  #209alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:55 am

    i cant remember what i wrote. something like that. basically yes, you are really handsome.

    he reminds me of my hot papi ex. yumyumyumyum

    i would be dead and gone to heaven to end up with a man like that. even though my ex didnt believe me when i told him i thought he was HOT. i mean, he did but then he didnt. he was cocky but also insecure. dang i misshim

    this other guy poofed i think. i was kind of rough with him.

    not great at acting like a normal goddess with guys i find attractive. some weird layer of “personality” comes over me. aw. i love my weird layer of personality that zippers up my heart to protect it.

  208.  #210alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:59 am

    onwards to more HHGS and LOLS!

  209.  #211alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 12:59 am

    cuz onward is plural like that in my parts

  210.  #212Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 1:00 am

    205, 207 Lucy,

    I hope I’ve not wandered around with a wet spot on my skirt (unless it was water). I feel embarrassed thinking about it and might have to reconsider the commando with skirts thought.

    I did comment on some EMK stuff on another thread. Mostly exploring why it is that he triggers me so much.

  211.  #213alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:01 am

    i wish pof had a search function that would only filter in men i found attractive. that would be very fun and efficient. it would cut out some of the lols but i wouldnt mind.

  212.  #214Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 1:05 am

    AGlol – lol, lol, and lol!

    Onwards is plural in ma diddy’s world too. Where y’all from? (You don’t have to answer that, but he’s in Loosianer). Hmmm on the zippered heart, protective stuff. I know the feeling. Oddly I feel very safe with the CDs I have right now even though I find all of them attractive and incredibly sexy. One of them is a SHHG! Mmmhmm. But he really is a tramp, so he’s out as far as bedroom action. Damn! More lol.

  213.  #215alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:11 am

    haha the handsome man didnt poof he was apparently composing a thoughtful reply to my asinine personality that creeps out around handsome guys…

    i told him he was too handsome for me to be normal around. lol.

  214.  #216alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:14 am

    214 sweetpea feeling comfy around cds is a really yummy place to be.

    and one trampy SHHG! lol.

  215.  #217Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 1:15 am

    Aww sheesh! For the first time ever, I’m tempted to check MM’s profile to see when the last time was that he was online. I don’t want to know. But I want to know. Oh effffff!!!

    Just told another guy (who’s pretty attractive) that I feel hesitant to chat with him because he has a cat and my dog thinks they are snacks. She does. Usually I don’t even respond to guys who have cats. Because I don’t want to risk getting emotionally involved with a man whose kitty is in mortal danger by my dog. And how do you explain that to a guy? …:”I’m looking for a husband and my dog eats cats, so sorry. Can’t chat with ya.”?

  216.  #218Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 1:18 am

    Oh Luuucy. Where’d you go?

  217.  #219Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 1:19 am

    217 Sweetpea
    “I’m looking for a husband and my dog eats cats, so sorry”

    OMG so LOL LOL LOL!!!!

    That’s sooo what you should say…I loves it!

  218.  #220Lucy on October 4, 2011 at 1:20 am

    Sweetpea, my guy has a cat and I have a dog…. and I am allergic to cats… and I didn’t know he had a cat until “too late”… and I trust that somehow our love will find a way around the problem.

  219.  #221alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:21 am

    oh and btw handsome man who i never expected to write me back i totally forgot that i COMPLETELY LIED ABOUT MY AGE. whatevs. i’m not even mentioning it. even if we meet. oh what, he’s going to be the one who works out and stays? really. the young handsome guy who wants kids. UNLIKELY.

    i just wanna smooch. 🙂

  220.  #222Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 1:21 am

    Hmm about the wet spot on the skirt, if I’m at the point of being that turned on, we better be en route to a private place to relieve my desires or else…. hee hee 🙂 doing naughty things in the car… oh I’m getting these naughty thoughts in my head again 😯

  221.  #223alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:21 am

    take that LDcdbd who hasnt asked me on a date yet!

  222.  #224Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 1:22 am

    Can I just tell you sirens something, I LOVE SEX. I really do love it, especially with HHG Recycled. Yum yum yum…

  223.  #225Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 1:24 am

    AGlol – It is a comfy place to be. Feels very comfy. Especially considering this is the second, (or third or fourth?) time around with SHHG and I wasn’t all that comfortable the first time(s). Maybe it helps to be on the same wavelength (it doesn’t mean anything). I really feel a lot of love for him, love his company. I just know he’s not it for me. I’m not bored with him per se, just feel tired of seeing all this other chicas around who I know he’s “gettin’ with.” I feel nothing but confirmation that I’m doing the right thing keeping it light and easy when I see it. I do feel a lot of satisfaction in the fact that he buys me a drink everytime I see him and is super sweet and respectful of me while he treats all the rest of the women… um… less respectfully(?) though. Feels super good, actually. I feel pretty grateful that he doesn’t even try to seduce me anymore, too. Very strange dance we have going on here. He doesn’t even show up at my favorite bar unless I’m there, apparently. That’s the latest report I’ve gotten anyway. I feel muy bueno and very confused about it. *shrug*.

  224.  #226Lucy on October 4, 2011 at 1:25 am

    I read your comments abt EMK on the other thread. Yeah, i completely disagree with him on those points too. I think he mostly bases his advice on himself. But not all men are like him. 🙂

  225.  #227Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 1:31 am

    Oh – I should add, my favorite bar is where I met SHHG and right across the street from his house. So he usually goes there a lot. Or used to. Funniest thing is, he’s the one who called me a tramp (undeservedly) last year. But I left my favorite bar (and SHHG sitting there alone) with my FlingCD Friday night and now that I’m feeling a little trampy, he’s all cool. He’s not really a CD, I know. Well, he’s not a date, but he’s definitely a CD in the sense that he’s fun to flirt with and I actually feel special around him. Because I’m the only one he’s NOT sleeping with? I guess that makes sense in a kinda messed up way. Me likey!

  226.  #228alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:33 am

    some sort of cosmic joke i suppose. handsome guy says he hates to burst my bubble but he just may be my guy.

    is this a joke?

    some sort of seduction ploy 101?

    i told him doubtful but he might be fun to kiss.

    OH AND BTW I AM MUCH OLDER THAN MY PROFILE STATES!!!! oh huh? what. no i didnt say that.

    my goal is kissing.

  227.  #229alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:36 am

    i feel deceptive. when i originally made the profile i said right in the profile that i lied about my age. now its not in there cuz i changed things up and i forget about it until i actually come across someone i might meet.

    whatever. i am practicing the tool of deception. that’s a rori raye tool? no?

  228.  #230Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 1:37 am

    226 Lucy – THANK GOD! Lol!

    I know it’s something I need healing around. Sheesh! It feels so maddening trying to talk to him! I told him in an email that I don’t feel appreciative of being treated like I’m stupid or to being condescended to. He was actually apologetic. I don’t know. I felt sort of bad when he was emailing me. It almost feels like he puts on a tough guy show for his audience but he’s not such a bada$$ in person. And I actually like those tough but tender kind of guys. Ewww. I might actually be getting somewhere here. Heart feels thump, thumpy, thumping. Breathing deeply here – move it around.

    As far as the cat thing – who’s the guy, who’s the guy? Anyone I’ve heard of?! I feel excited for you!!!! As for me, though, My dog seriously did kill a cat and it felt too horrible for me to purposely risk again. And this particular OKC guy has a pretty young son. I don’t even want to think about the potential horrendousness of that situation (I think I just made up a word. At least spellcheck thinks I did). 😀

  229.  #231Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 1:38 am


    UH HUH! To all your comments from 219 on!

  230.  #232alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:42 am

    hmmm now i feel like maybe he’s trying to line me up as straight booty call. well no.

    dating with benefits.

    not just benefits. wtf. who am i helen keller?

  231.  #233alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:43 am

    230 sweetpea horrendousness is a word in my parts.

  232.  #234alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:46 am

    i lost a lot of attraction in one swoop moment.

    anytime a man sees me only and purely as a sexual object i lose attraction to him. which is unfair because that is how i was viewing him.

    hi mirror.
    well hello alias girl lol. recognize yourself much?

    maybe he lost attraction for me when i kind of just made him a sex object?

    oh who cares. i absolutely have zero interest in analyzing anything.


  233.  #235Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 1:48 am

    194 Sweetpea
    I hope I do not ever run into him! ack..he said some really mean things to me at the very end, and it’s taken me a long time to forgive. Also he was sneaky and stayed friends with one of my best friends after we broke up, and both of them kept it hush hush…but I found out. It was just akward and weird. They were never that close, so not sure why they stayed in touch. She was married. Maybe he was banging her anyway. I do not even care. hahah lol lol lol lol lol

  234.  #236Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 1:48 am

    228, 229, AGlol – lmao! He just might be your guy?! Deception? Rori Raye tool? Umm..sure. Heehee. You lied about your age on POF and you can’t change it now! ROTFL! Sorry, but that is some funny shtuff!

    230 – what’s with the Helen Keller comment? I feel confused. Not just benes? Why cuz he’s so hot? What?

  235.  #237Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 1:54 am

    lol good nite sirens
    lol lol
    I like saying that AGlol
    bye for now…

  236.  #238alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:55 am

    like who am i helen keller. i dont know. i dont clearly get own joke HOWEVER it makes me laugh.

    like who am i helen keller?

    it’s an irreverent joke but i dont think helen keller will mind since she’s dead.

  237.  #239Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 1:56 am

    235 Emerson,

    Hmm. Interesting. The guy I referred to in that comment said really mean things to me when we broke up too (usually in Italian, so it was kinda sexy). Kidding, but the Italian part was sexy. I can relate. In almost every way to what you just said. Do you do any dream journaling, or have you explored your feelings around this at all. Other than what you just wrote?

  238.  #240alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 1:58 am

    ah he poofed when he tried to line up straight benies and i replied that i feel open to seeing how i feel moment to moment.

    which is code for NO. PROBABLY NOT. I MEAN. IT COULD HAPPEN IF YOU CATCH ME IN A REALLY ONCE IN A LIFETIME WAY but no, honey, probably not.

    but i feel open to seeing how i feel about what you put on the table as an offer.

    i feel open to that.

  239.  #241alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 2:01 am

    237 emerson. it’s addictive huh? lol.

    nite, siren emerson. xoxo.

  240.  #242Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 2:01 am

    Good night Emerson. Sweet dreams.

    AGlol – horrendousness. Yep. Still comes up with red underline.

    I should get to bed, too. I’m just taking advantage of having the computer (stinking jacked up phone) and playing on siren island instead of what I should be doing – working. I did get my biz cards printed today though. Check. They turned out awesome and it’s only been about 6 weeks since I set out to do it.

    On a more positive note, my good friend offered to give me the money to buy a laptop since I need it for my biz. Sweet! Do I need to learn to receive from friends, too? It feels weird to think about but I sure could get more done if I had my own computer again. Guess I’ll have to sleep on it.

  241.  #243alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 2:07 am

    handsome man but less so now guy just asked for my number. whatevs. i gave it to him and told him i was going offline cuz i felt tired.

    the great news is my weird “personality” disappeared by the end.

    now i just feel suspicious.

    i feel suspicious that any man i could find attractive would want me for any more than sex.

    oh. TRIGGER. ah deep seated low self esteem TRIGGER.

    see yae for my experiments. all men are therapy! yae! this worked out great.

  242.  #244alias girl lol on October 4, 2011 at 2:11 am

    242 sweetpea congrats on the biz cards!!! i love biz cards! they make me feel uplifted! so yae!

    and i’m sleepy too. i’m gonna head out.

    if it feels good, accept it. its not a big deal. its just money for a laptop.

    if someone was offering me money for my couch right now i would say

    yes, thank you.


  243.  #245Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 2:12 am

    243 AGlol

    Yep. I felt that way for a LONG time. Compliments of my dad – I know he taught me that’s all guys are interested in for a reason, and it served me well for a long time. But, it’s just not true anymore. Wow! Just realizing how big a deal it actually is for me to feel flattered that I’m the only girl SHHG isn’t trying to seduce. Woohoo! Babysteps, babysteps. Turn into giant steps.

    I hope you find healing around this quickly. It’s so not true. Although it certainly is true that lotsa guys won’t turn it down if it’s offered. It’s been enjoyable and very amusing reading your comments here tonight.

  244.  #246Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 2:15 am

    244 AG – Thanks! I love my biz cards!

    Been thanking the Universe for my laptop, so I guess I better accept it when it offers it to me. Duh! Thanks for the reminder.

    Sweet dreams, nighty night.

  245.  #247marina on October 4, 2011 at 2:18 am

    hello dear Sirens,
    I have kind of a weird question.
    I keep smelling lilies (lilacs?).
    While there are absolutely no flowers here.
    I feel kinda weird and scared that it might mean something bad?
    I am seeing a neurologist tomorrow for the first time.
    Hope he/she can clear this up.

  246.  #248Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 2:26 am

    Hey Marina,

    I think I’m the only one here. I was about to head to my little siren bed, then noticed your question.

    Where are you at with your spirituality (do you believe in reincarnation or an afterlife, for example)? Does it remind you of anyone you know? Could it be wafting in from a neighbor’s yard? It’s late in the year here for Lilacs, but in the spring, I catch a whiff of them every once in awhile from far, far away. I can’t even find the bush sometimes when I go looking for it.

  247.  #249marina on October 4, 2011 at 3:01 am

    hi Sweetpea,
    Thnx for your reply.
    I can’t think of anyone right now.
    I have no clear thoughts on reincarnation.
    I am just really scared I have something in my head that isn’t supposed to be there.
    When I google it I find stories about ghosts or the presence of C*hrist or the coming of death. That didn’t make me feel reassured. Also my nose is snotty but the smell comes and goes and is strong. I called my Mm, told her what is going on and she wwill be here in soon.

  248.  #250Mel on October 4, 2011 at 3:59 am

    I haven’t heard from him since Saturday. I feel really disconnected. I feel forgotten. I feel sad. My body wants to move forward, but something from Rori’s last post is whispering to me: “be still. stay where you are.” I don’t feel good. I need a hug. Tear rolling…. but I am still, not moving.

  249.  #251marina on October 4, 2011 at 4:07 am

    (((((Hugs))))) Mel

  250.  #252Mel on October 4, 2011 at 4:09 am

    How can I have my need for physical touch met without making anybody else responsible for it? This feels like a big obstacle for me. Many things I can do on my own and be happy doing them, but not this. I want to step up for myself and clear this needy energy. Ideas?

    I’m going to burn some sage, maybe meditate a little, go do something physical. Maybe I’ll try zumba. I want to be at peace in my neediness.

  251.  #253Mel on October 4, 2011 at 4:24 am

    Thanks Marina! Even that virtual hug felt nice!

    I’m saying it out loud: No one else is responsible for meeting my needs.

    My chest feels lighter. But I still feel like sinking. I feel kind of numb and hopeless. I want to feel connected to myself.

  252.  #254Mel on October 4, 2011 at 4:33 am

    I have pretty eyes. They look super blue when I cry. Vibrant shiny electric blue. I love my eyes. They remind me of my grandfather. I have his eyes. I miss him.

  253.  #255Mel on October 4, 2011 at 5:03 am

    Text CD sent me a message: Good morning cupcake! Awwww…. I feel all smiley. He will be a nice distraction!

  254.  #256T-Girl on October 4, 2011 at 5:49 am

    Update – he had no clue of the situation. Which is weird to me, how could he not? If I had this situation playing out so strongly only in my head, why did I feel the stress so strongly in my body? This part scares me. Is it possible I am premenopause? I think I better talk to my doctor. The realizations of how strongly I felt the stress in my body really scares me.

  255.  #257Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 6:07 am

    T-Girl to a certain extent I am not surprised. The thoughts I believe can cause all kinds of hormones to flood our bodies. It is just that most times we are not paying attention to our feelings.

  256.  #258Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 6:11 am

    Mel you can touch yourself, hug yourself, kiss yourself in the mirror. I heard Rori tell a story of a girl who had I believe autism or something to that effect that caused her to be afraid of people’s touch. She used her creativity to create something to help her through it and now she can be hugged without getting paranoid. My zumba teacher sometimes do some steps and have us touch ourselves and hug ourselves right there in the class. It feels really sexy. I believe standing in front of the mirror and hugging myself and talking to myself and kissing myself has helped me a little bit with that including raising my vibe. I know, I am silly I will try anything.

  257.  #259Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 6:14 am

    Marina I am currently reading the book Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss where he hypnotizes a lady named Catherine. Really intriguing. She was suffering with symptoms from past lives and as he goes through he sessions she tells him the most unbelieveable stuff from several past lives. One just never know.

  258.  #260sammie sighs on October 4, 2011 at 6:15 am

    Hi Sirens,

    Well I have been doing really well just being, keeping my mind off Mr P. And then I received an email today saying he had text and here is info I had asked for a long time ago. He was mad as he had text me at weekend and I hadn’t answered. (I was in Wales and you can’t get a signal) I was moving on so well now I feel a lump in my throat and heavy heart……

  259.  #261VW on October 4, 2011 at 6:21 am

    The past week or so…I reflected over the “leaning forward” and the speech I used to give men about “not feeling good to call a man…”

    Well, I realized I was not only dishonest in my statement (that is why i had the weird feeling of playing a game at times 🙁 ), but I also was limiting myself…by not allowing myself to leave in the moment.

    So, now…there are no rules…for me…I think of myself of a graduate from the reprogramming way of thinking to feeling…I now, trust myself…hmm…did i just say that?

    If in the moment, I think of someone, something nice, thoughtful and I feel happy to express it to him via txt or call or message…I will honor my feelings and just DO IT!

  260.  #262T-Girl on October 4, 2011 at 6:29 am

    Another thing I learned from this is that I have shifted my focus onto him and losing my focus on me. I am becoming too worried about what he thinks vs. what I want. I told myself I would never do that again and here I am doing it.

  261.  #263Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 6:29 am

    VW I am getting there. For me the key is in whether I am wanting something back. When I am in that place I stop myself. I just want to give because I want to or keep in contact just to check in, nothing more. I did it yesterday but he has still not responded.

  262.  #264Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 6:44 am

    From EMK comparing a boss with a bf

    He even sends a couple texts to make sure you’re there, but that’s all.

    You continue to show up, get a paycheck, and wait for this job – which started with so much potential – to turn around.

    Sure, you have a corner office and a great title and a seemingly competent and charismatic boss…but the reality is this: your job SUCKS.

    And even though it was promising and had potential, you don’t NEED this job.

    You need a job where the reality lives up to the potential.

    I don’t think I need to drive home the parallel any further.

    Presuming you didn’t need the job to stay alive…but just wanted work to challenge you, inspire you, and give you meaning…

    You wouldn’t stay at a job where you didn’t know where you stand.

    You wouldn’t stay at a job where you don’t like the way you’re treated.

    You wouldn’t stay at a job where you weren’t getting your needs met.

    And if you wouldn’t stay at a job like that, why would you stay with a man like that?

    Worse, why would you try to LOCK IN a man like that?

    I swear. It’s heartbreaking, but I get emails that sound a lot like this:

    “My boyfriend is really distant. He never calls me. He never sleeps with me. We’re fighting a lot. But I love him. How can I make him want to marry me?”

    You don’t.

    You observe him for whatever he is: selfish, narcissistic, unhappy, busy, insensitive, or emotionally unavailable.

    You realize you’re not happy with the status quo.

    You realize you can’t change him.

    And you break up with him, cold-turkey, and never look back.

    A smart, strong, successful woman who believes in her own self-worth should never compromise that self-worth to be with a man.


    You can put up with men who flirt, who fart, and who watch football (I should know: I do all of these things, too.)

    You just can’t put up with men who don’t value you.

    If you do, you clearly don’t value yourself as much as you think you do.

  263.  #265Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 6:46 am

    T-Girl awareness is what matters. Nobody is perfect and it is natural to go back and forth. The more aware you are the more power you have to do something about it. I read just yesterday how Rori does the same thing with her husband when I was reading the email with the Effortless tool.

  264.  #266VW on October 4, 2011 at 6:52 am


    We are all there, already! 🙂

    When I lean forward, I imagine I offer a blessing!

    Technically, if we believe in energy, the mere thought of that man…is felt by him…it’s just amazing…

    I practiced often…feeling something intensely and beautiful and the man calls me, txt me…etc…

    The issue is when we don’t have constructive thoughts and we beat ourselves up about it…and honestly, rules can make it worse…

    I believe by being present with our feelings, honoring them and “acting” upon them with “wisdom and intuition”…we can create a balance in our energetic field…

    warm hugs

  265.  #267VW on October 4, 2011 at 7:00 am


    Yes, expectations …i know what you mean…

    I have practiced successfully expressing a need…me, girl, needed attention, affection, cuddling, going out…

    Practicing being present at all times and leaning fwd when no expectation is present, it would overtime even out the “negative” aspects of “expectations”…because of the positive experiences created while leaning fwd already…

    I like baby steps…

    Once I week, I allow myself to “bless” at least one person (man and woman) with a beautiful thought…:)

    warm hugs,

  266.  #268Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 7:00 am

  267.  #269Mel on October 4, 2011 at 7:14 am



    “The issue is when we don’t have constructive thoughts and we beat ourselves up about it…and honestly, rules can make it worse”

    Can you expand on this a little? Cause I’m feeling that way right now. It’s like I AM feeling lonely and disconnected and like I miss him. Pretending I’m not and trying to ignore it doesn’t seem to be helping. Would it be so bad to tell him how I feel?

    Ugh. I feel like a big gooey mess of emotions today.

  268.  #270VW on October 4, 2011 at 7:26 am


    I feel happy you listed the feelings along with you need…connection…

    I expressed in the past something like:

    “I feel a bit weird sharing this…but, in this moment, i feel a bit lonely and in need of a hug…and memories of our time together give me comfort…sigh” or something like this…overall, it is about you, not him…

    i would practice blessing someone else that you have no expectation from first…with something beautiful that i think of them and feel for them…and see how I feel after I do it…

    i would also practice writing down for 5 minutes everything that comes to mind…and read it back to myself…see if a shift in energy is created…and there is no expectation …

    Mel, i read your posts and growth over the past 6 months…it is amazing…:) U are very Sireny and confident…:)

    hope this helps…:)

    warm hugs,

  269.  #271VW on October 4, 2011 at 7:34 am

    And I remind myself…this is all practice…to learn about self…:) Being in a “cocoon” would not allow me to grow…only heal :)…

    I now, imagine being a butterfly…spreading my little wings and enjoying the beauty surrounding me…and yes, i find beauty once in a while stumbling into a stubborn branch…:) but, I will now find my way out, always 🙂

  270.  #272Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 7:38 am

    VW you are so poetic

  271.  #273VW on October 4, 2011 at 7:42 am


    Aww, thank you…I sure have my days 😉

    warm hugs,

  272.  #274Mel on October 4, 2011 at 7:45 am

    I do feel as though if I did express, there may be some expectation there… that’s why I’m trying to be still. But at the same time, I know I’m putting out that energy into the universe, regardless.

    I think I just really need to try to meet these needs for myself. Love myself first so others can be free to love me. Processing what this means for me.

    I’m hoping that finding a physical “outlet” (dance) will help. Ballet makes me feel sexy and sireny. I’m hoping zumba may as well. Or perhaps I will try modern dance tonight… I just need to move in a beautiful seductive way!

    Today i wore a big comfy sweater that ties up. Like a big warm hug. 🙂

  273.  #275VW on October 4, 2011 at 7:54 am


    That feels wonderful 🙂 I feel happy you found the answer for yourself…

    I wonder if I would have said…”don’t lean fwd Mel…” would you felt more compelled to lean fwd???? 🙂

    I noticed myself…struggling with that when anyone would remind of the “rule”…:)

    warm hugs,

  274.  #276Mel on October 4, 2011 at 8:40 am


    Funny… I wonder if I like to do the opposite of what’s suggested sometimes. Apparently reverse psychology works on me! lol 😀

  275.  #277Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 9:37 am

    I remember in Dr. Pat Allen’s book, she talked about “duty dating”….which I guess is kind of similar to CDing…it was something about going out with a bunch of people and just dating …. at that time I was not open to that. I wish I was! I was also feeling like it would be disloyal to my “boyfriend”
    But funny enough, most of my “friends” that I met at the university were guys! I was attracting them all over the place. sigh

  276.  #278Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 9:46 am

    needed to do some deep inner work to remind myself of the beautiful woman that I am on the inside and out. I needed to be gentle with myself all over again. And I needed to change my thoughts…and fast!

    I began by accepting myself for being where I am. This means, take that little girl and remind her every day how wonderful life is! With every tiny step and every thought, I was going to get my confidence back!

    So I started by understanding the meaning of love.


    The ability to see what I like which brings forth the FEELING of love within me. So when something makes me feel good…then I love it! That’s it! Pretty simple isn’t it?

    The moment LOVE became less massive, it was easy to feel it every day. Then I began my journey to build a solid foundation where I love myself completely. A foundation that would be unshakable!

    In order to make my inner self believe that I accepted and loved myself, I needed start looking for any opportunity to smile. I know this seems simple but it REALLY works!

    For example, I’d be driving in my car listening to music and singing along out loud, this felt great! Every time I ate a healthy meal I would express the delicious feelings my palette was having! When I saw a dog, I made an effort to pet it and be playful with it as it wagged it’s tail! I would lie on the grass and feel the breeze against my skin and feel grateful for living in a place where I am free to express my dreams! When I went to the market I would welcome a conversation with a farmer and smile as he answered my questions about a produce! As I walked down the street, I would do my sensual walk and smile at every man driving that noticed and appreciated my swagger! I would smile while riding my bike at fellow bikers that looked my way!

    It became MY responsibility to feel love, joy and happiness…not a man’s. I was tired of being dependant on what a man did or did not do in order to feel loved.

    Confidence is all about being secure with loving yourself. Finding the best things about you and han ging out there! And in those moments when you get triggered by a love song, a car, a picture…you do every thing to bounce back in because CONFIDENCE is loving who you are and what you do every day.

    Sensually yours,

    Patty Contenta

  277.  #279Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Christy and Rebecca say:

    Many women have cast aside their feminine natures and taken up a more aggressive, masculine stance – in other words they’ve fallen into the trap of being an “Alpha Bitch”.

    Now don’t be too quick to dismiss the alpha bitch as behaviors other gals do. Although most smart women stop short of over-the-top antics; it’s probably safe to say that many other go-getters, are quite capable of pulling the “bitch card” every now and again.

    And while there are certainly times when it’s appropriate, it’s holding you back more than you may think.

    You see, the more aggressively you push to achieve your desires (and that includes attracting a soul mate), the more distance you end up creating between yourself and your dreams.

    That’s because the underlying beliefs fueling the Alpha Bitch behaviors are based in fear and scarcity. It’s just not possible to attract your greatest visions, or your ideal mate, from these lower vibrations.

    Love and abundance can’t come into your life from a space of fear and scarcity– they’re simply not a vibrational match. So, how can you shift from the disempowering Alpha Bitch stance to an empowered, yet feminine woman? Try these three steps:
    1.Recognize that your forceful, aggressive, or controlling behaviors are being fueled by thoughts and beliefs based in fear and scarcity. When you catch yourself in this mode, ask, “What am I afraid will happen if I’m not in charge or in control of this situation?”
    2.Release these thoughts and beliefs by replacing them with more life affirming, abundant ones like: “The universe is always working with me and for me. In this moment, I am safe and protected. Abundance is always flowing to me and through me.”
    3.Reclaim your true empowered and abundant self by remembering that you are so much more than your outer persona. Within you lies a wise, radiant, graceful, and abundant woman. Align energetically with her.
    Only by shifting from the tense, rigid, and anxious stance of the alpha bitch, to the open, flowing, and calm one of the empowered feminine woman, do you align yourself with higher vibrations, positioning you to attract easily and efficiently.

    Here’s the exciting part.

    I’ve arranged to give you a FREE copy of, “Taming Your Alpha Bitch: How to be Fierce and Feminine (and get everything you want)” delivered right to your front door.

    Taming Your Alpha Bitch will show you step-by-step exactly how to release your Masculine Alpha and replace it with your Fierce Feminine.

    Thanks Christy and Rebecca! And guess what? They’ve have already been booked for NBC’s Today Show in January.

    Taming Your Alpha Bitch doesn’t hit bookstores until January 30th, 2012 and you can learn more about it NOW and preorder your free copy by going here.

    Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,


  278.  #280Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 10:00 am

  279.  #281Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Thanks for the info about the book FW. Sounds interesting. I hesitate because are they going to put me on some list and start mailing me a bunch of crap? Also, Its not really free, you have to pay for shipping.

  280.  #282Shar lean way back on October 4, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Ella, 164 So glad to hear your back on your horse!

  281.  #283Shar lean way back on October 4, 2011 at 10:19 am

    oops you’re back on your horse 🙂

  282.  #284Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 10:28 am

    266 VW – Love this.

  283.  #285Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 10:45 am

    VW – I think that seeing Rori’s Tools as “rules” is a common misconception and does us all a disservice. I remember when I first found this Blog, I used to say, “they’re not rules! These are tools” and whatever I we were talking about, Rori would come on and confirm what I was saying.

    Rori gives us the Tools to use as we can do them – the Tools in my mind, are a bit like femininity – flowing and changing. I don’t do things “to the letter of the law” – this isn’t law and I, like you, believe forcing myself to do things by the “rules” doesn’t work if I’m not being authentic. I made much more and much faster progress when I allowed myself to make “mistakes” and the more I’ve “baby-stepped it” and done what I can – what feels comfortable and authentic to me at the time (experimented, if you will), the more I’ve seen what works and the more I find myself using the Tools more as they’re presented. But I stopped trying to force myself to do it right and to use the Tools “perfectly.” My friend likes to point out to me that I’ve also had failed relationships (exclusive ones, shock!) since I’ve discovered Rori. I say, “so what” I had failed relationships before I found Rori, too and they were much more devastating. And I’m closer now to finding my happily ever after than I’ve ever been in my life – guys who treat me well, who are caring and giving. I like it sooo much.

  284.  #286Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 10:53 am

    281 wow I sound like an alpha B&tch

    Maybe I do need the book…LOL

    Sorry FW if it seemed rude. 🙄

  285.  #287Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Authentic Tears

    Crying can help to release the deep pain of profound heartbreak and grief that is due to very painful life situations. Crying helps to move the energy of these painful emotions out of the body so that they don’t get stuck and cause illness.

    When you are crying as an expression of your authentic feelings, you are gently holding your heart with deep compassion toward yourself. Your heart is open to yourself, and to receiving comfort from a spiritual source of love, as well as from others.

    While the crying of victim pain can go on and on, the crying of authentic pain is generally short. The pain may come in waves, and if you allow yourself to cry each time, it will gradually diminish.

    The study states:

    “…participants who sobbed with the greatest intensity — but not for the longest amount of time — enjoyed the biggest bang from their bawling: Their moods benefited the most from shedding tears.”

    It is likely that these were the people who were expressing authentic pain. It’s interesting to me that only one-third of the people in the study benefited from their crying, which indicates to me that two-thirds of the people were crying as victims.

    The study’s conclusion that “Crying is not nearly as beneficial as people think it is,” is, in my view, misleading. I would state instead that crying as a victim is not at all beneficial, and crying the authentic tears of grief and heartbreak is very beneficial.

    I would also add that crying from a moved heart – moved by love, beauty, tenderness, caring and compassion, is very beneficial. This indicates a truly open heart – a heart that can experience both joy and sorrow.

  286.  #288MiRi on October 4, 2011 at 10:56 am

    RE 285 Sweetpea,
    I like your comment.
    Tools not rules >> so relevant.

    I think it takes time to get used to new habits, especially when we experienced lots of toxic relationships in the past. In the beginning we use Rori’s tools like “absolute rules” but the more we practice, the more we see them as real helpful tools….

    2weeks+3days, no call no texts no email from him. I still feel angry but I’m getting used to his absence. It’s probably better this way…
    Men do what they want, if he really wanted to call me, he would’ve called… Too bad.
    Focusing on CDing, it feels much easier when I’m not attracted to the men I’m CDing. I talk to them like talking to my buddies, feminine energy, leaning back, self-confident… How come I can’t do that when I’m attracted to the guy…

  287.  #289Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 11:04 am

    FW – thank you for posting the EMK post. I like it. I’m feeling much more open to EMK. I know the triggering in me around him has to do with ME, not him and have really been trying to work through the feelings so I can get past it and not have to have a guy who triggers me the way he does in real life. Been an interesting journey. It felt good to feel open to it when I saw his name. 😀
    Woohoo! The feeling of making progress is becoming one of my favorite feelings.

  288.  #290Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 11:08 am

    287 FW – that feels so, so good to read! Thank you for posting it. Very interesting.

  289.  #291Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 11:24 am

    285 Miri,

    The funny thing is, for me, in the beginning I didn’t treat them like Rules – I treated them like Tools. But that quickly changed when I was constantly feeling badly about myself for breaking them. In my experience, my perception, the way it felt to me, was that whenever I would comments about these not being Rules, Rori was very supportive. I felt very encouraged and willing to take on more by her support. The more I practiced, the easier it got and I probably treat them more like Rules now than I ever did because I’m better at navigating most of them now. I’m still not perfect at them and I don’t have to be. I still think being authentic is the big key and if I don’t feel like using a tool, I don’t. They’re always in the back of my mind though, so I find that little by little, I do things more “by the book” with the difference being, I feel authentic about it now. And it’s working wonders for me.

    Just felt interesting that your experience on “rules” is almost opposite to mine.

  290.  #292Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 11:34 am


    That beginning part didn’t make any sense. In the very beginning, I treated them like Rules, but I quickly shifted (within the first couple of months) to thinking of them more as Tools. Because I felt horrible about myself for breaking the “Rules.” I feel happy that I shifted so quickly because it felt easier to use the Tools when I wasn’t worried about “doing them wrong” which opened me up to baby-stepping my way to where I am now.

  291.  #293Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 11:37 am

    From a Carol Allen email
    And then I read in your book about how masculine women can look very feminine, and feminine men can look very masculine. And I realized – emotionally I’m more masculine and the guy I like is more feminine! So I got to thinking that he may be waiting to hear from me. So, I got brave and I called him.
    To my amazement, he was thrilled and told me he’d stopped calling because he thought I wasn’t interested in HIM!
    We had an incredible date last night and things are BACK ON! And I’m so glad. And now that I know about our different energies, I know how to act with him. Best of all, now that I know he’s feminine, I won’t get upset about things that I would’ve otherwise taken personally because it’s just who he is, and not because of how he feels about me

    Seriously – it’s one of the top two challenges I see in relationships. I was amazed when I learned astrology that a person’s emotional nature can be predominantly masculine or feminine, no matter their gender.
    These are couples who are in what I call “Reverse Polarity Relationships.”
    It got so that, when a woman came to see me with a more masculine chart, I’d ask her, “Do you attract men who are more soft and sensitive than you are?”
    And, you guessed it, she’d say, “Yes!”
    And, of course, when a man came to see me with a feminine chart, I’d ask him, “Do you find yourself drawn to really powerful women who tend to ‘wear the pants’ in your relationships?”
    He’d roll his eyes, sigh heavily and whimper, “yes…”
    Okay, he wouldn’t whimper – I added that part for dramatic effect.
    He’d cry. 🙂


    But seriously, after speaking with hundreds and hundreds of people about this topic at length, I’ve come to believe that if you’re masculine, you’ll attract and feel best with men who are feminine, and vice verse.
    But here’s the problem: Most of us were raised to expect men to be TRADITIONAL men – you know – taller, smarter, richer…
    So, if you’re any of those things more than a man, you’ll tend to throw him away, or make him feel badly for it, or try to get him to change – even if you really love him.
    You’ll think, “I’m supposed to be with a man who’s better than me – more driven, more successful, faster, more ‘in charge.'”
    So, when you meet a “sweetie-pie” nurturing man who is truly your complement, you’ll think you’re with the wrong man.
    So you’ll push him away, only to attract another one of his kind. You may force yourself to be with an “alpha male” for a while (a man who’s more stereotypically MANLY) but if you’re truly, astrologically an “alpha female,” you won’t feel as connected (or as magnetically drawn) to a masculine man.
    He’ll feel like your best friend or brother. You and he won’t have complementary energy. You’ll be too similar.
    But because of how society has molded and shaped your romantic expectations, you may respect him more, though not be as in love as you’d like.
    Masculine women have LOTS of problems and frustrations with feminine men because of this, even though they go well together.
    By not understanding or appreciating the special gifts that men like this bring, and by running on the outdated, old fashioned, false beliefs about the traditional roles of men and women I described, you may unknowingly make feminine men feel even less like men!

    You’ll make him wrong, tell him what to do, and get constantly annoyed at the way in which he lives his life.
    And it’s a shame, because not only is a man like this your complement, as I’ve said, but he brings a whole host of talents and good stuff to the party that you need.
    Things like companionship, support, nurturing, sweetness, kindness, open-heartedness, depth of feeling…
    Not that alpha men can’t bring those things, too. It’s just they’re normally too busy conquering “that next mountain” or “putting out the latest fire.”

    If you’re with a nurturer and haven’t been actively appreciating him (in spite of how actively you do everything else), you may find that he isn’t sharing the treasures he has as much as he used to, and that he’s become even MORE emotional and even LESS willing to take any action on your behalf.

    And if you’re with an alpha male and wish he had more “sweetie-pie” qualities, there is a way to encourage the ones he’s got to come more forward

  292.  #294Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 11:58 am

    VW – My mind is really percolating on what you said about feeling “…feeling something intensely and beautiful and the man calls…” I feel really curious about this – it has that ring of truth to it. I’m thinking back to past relationships and remembering how positive I would feel about the relationship in the beginning and how wonderful things were. Then more and more, the negative feelings would creep in and the relationship would begin to fail – which would bring on more negative feelings. Hmmm. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

    Knowing how the negativity breeds negativity is also much of the reason I began to follow Rori, coincidentally. Lots of food for thought here. This is gonna be BIG, I know it! Thank you for providing me with the brew for my brain to percolate on and create big, wonderful spouts of wisdom and inspiration!

  293.  #295Daria on October 4, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    Wooohoo im on the Internet!

    And happy to read the post… So inspired!

    Helps me w my decisions now!

    Weeee bout to eat calamari and drink hot chocolate

  294.  #296Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    293 FM – wow! I’ve often wondered about that. I still like a more masculine guy to bring out my feminine qualities, but I was born under a masculine sign. I feel like such a dichotomy though, since my sun sign is masculine, but my emotional signs (venus, moon) are in feminine signs. Interesting stuff.

  295.  #297Sweetpea on October 4, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Hey Daria! Wondered where you’ve been.

  296.  #298Emoticon on October 4, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    “When I lean forward, I imagine I offer a blessing!” – VW

    I love this. This is exactly how I feel.

    The truth of the matter is that i dont lean forward because I am hardly ever thinking about any of my CDs but ofcourse when their names pop up on my phone or one of my social networks I’m happy. I realize what Rori meant by “Be Surprised” because its always a pleasant surprise.

    Some CDs did complain though and I responded to each one differently because they each brought it up in a different way. One told me “I dont mind doing all the calling, but if you would text me first just once in a while it would really make my heart smile” so i said “I would be glad to make ur heart smile”…… Another one said “How come you don’t ever hit me up?” I dont remember my words exactly but I basically told him i love talking to him but really prefer hearing from him cuz i dont wanna feel pushy or something to that effect. Another CD (my least fave, my ex O.O) brought it up too but it felt bad to me. I can’t even explain how or why but i felt bad about it and just didnt respond to it, and continued leaning back. heehee ^_^

  297.  #299Emoticon on October 4, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    “The moment LOVE became less massive, it was easy to feel it every day. Then I began my journey to build a solid foundation where I love myself completely. A foundation that would be unshakable!”
    – Feminine Woman

    I love this because I used to think of love as something so complex that i reserved for family, extremely close friends and ONE man. Now I find myself loving everything. Like my new epilator 😀 so excited to go back home and play with it 🙂 heehee. But really, i actually found myself loving moths (which i previously hated, and i dont tolerate them, i love them now), I find it hard to admit it loving frogs, but i dont Hate them anymore…. and when i see them on TV i sort of have a liking for them, the different shades of green and yellow just feel a little comforting to me.

    You spoke of the effortless tool yesterday? LOVE is EFFORTLESS

  298.  #300Emoticon on October 4, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    ooooh i guess i was actually quoting Patty Contenta from FW’s comment lol

  299.  #301Emoticon on October 4, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    I feel interested in this concept of Alpha Bitch. Right now im wondering if i have Alpha Bitch tendencies :-\ hmmm

  300.  #302Ella on October 4, 2011 at 2:08 pm


    Feeling tired and a lil lonely but ok.

    Hope other Sirens are feeling good. xxx

  301.  #303Emoticon on October 4, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    So i feel like one CD is trying to invite himself to my movie night, which i was planning on having with myself. He is asking me about it but the plan was for me to go home, tidy up a bit, get some mcdonalds, n marshmallows to have along with my lovely red velvet ice cream and maybe some hot chocolate. Maybe epilate between flicks, maybe. IDK but 2nite is supposed 2 be special ME night and idk if its me closing up and having walls or just me needing some me time and not wanting any CD action 2nite. How do u guys feel?

  302.  #304Tiffany on October 4, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Hi Ella! 🙂

  303.  #305Ella on October 4, 2011 at 2:52 pm


    If you feel like you want/need me time I would express that and go with that…


  304.  #306Tiffany on October 4, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    AG lol – (#75) Meh-hico. I love it! lol

    And Xti #146 – that is such a great story! 🙂

  305.  #307Ella on October 4, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Hi Tiffany 🙂

  306.  #308Emoticon on October 4, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Thanx for responding Ella.

    I will let him know that because I really just want tonight to enjoy my own company lol.

  307.  #309Tiffany on October 4, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Ladies, I’m not feeling quite as Siren-y today.

    Last night, I had a dinner date with a female friend, someone I’ve never hung out with before. Beach Guy (aka Friday Night Date (FND)) was so generous and actually came all the way from the city just to pick me up and take me to the restaurant where I was meeting my friend. I almost said no, but then I thought, why not? Plus, it was raining. So that was really nice.


    On the way there, he kept making comments implying that my friend and I were going to “hook up.” Like she was some kind of sexual prospect for me. He even said later, after he saw her, that I had “good taste.” I mean, ew. Seriously??

    Now, FND, like just about every heterosexual male on the planet, has a desire to see two women kissing/making out/doing it. No problem. Thing is, he thinks he’s the only one in the world who wants to see this. And I made the mistake (sort of) of telling him that I once did hook up with a friend of mine. He loved the story, and now he thinks it’s cool to make snide sexual innuendos about ALL of my friends.

    I REALLY don’t like it.

    So this morning, when he texted me, I let him know that I didn’t like it and it made me feel uncomfortable.

    He said okay.

    Then he proceeded to make ANOTHER comment about my friend going “home” with me.

    I couldn’t believe it!

    I got so angry. I was shaking, indignant. I had just told him how much I did not like these comments.

    So I responded that it needed to stop. NOW. I told him it made me feel angry that he said that. Then I said I needed to go. (which I did. And I also didn’t have time for that kind of b.s.)

    We are supposed to have a date tonight. I have no idea if he will show up. I haven’t heard from him. But I also have a feeling that he will be here anyway.

    He said that he wants me to be frank and open with him. I want to be open with him, too. But I want to feel safe doing that, and it makes me feel objectified and att*cked when he keeps making sexual comments about my friends and me. Ew.

    Please send me your siren strength and power here, ladies. I need it…

    {P.S. I was *this* close to throwing in the towel this morning and deciding to go all-out lesbo so I wouldn’t have to deal with this kind of male piggishness that I hate. But, on the other hand, I have to admit that I’ve probably had a hand in egging him on with it now and then. And also, I took a moment today and just forgave him, to myself, because, to him, he probably wasn’t saying anything offensive. But that was certainly the way I interpreted it…}

    Anyway. Nice day. Lovely weather.


  308.  #310tinque on October 4, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    Thich Nhat Hanh anyone? Five days, me, the man, and the Master at the Blue Cliff Monastery in Pine Bush, New York. Bliss.

    See you all next week.


  309.  #311Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Emoticon – #299:

    What kind of epilator did you get? What makes it so good? I don’t want to go to my usual monthly epilating torture session anymore, I can do it by myself but I need the right tool. I have very coarse hair and need something powerful.

    Thank you! 🙂

    PS I bought wax yesterday but it didn’t turn out exactly as I thought it would. I hate the fact that it doesn’t take all the hair away (even though I can actually pull my hair with my fingers) and also it stays on my skin even after I use the strips. Thank goodness it water soluble though.

  310.  #312Emoticon on October 4, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    I forgot the name of the brand but its a wet/dry epilator i got on amazon. I will experiment with it and let you know how it works for me 🙂

  311.  #313Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Tiffany – #309:

    Well, if he doesn’t understand after that last text, I don’t know what else you’ll need to say for him to actually get it.

  312.  #314Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Emoticon, thanks! 🙂

    But…don’t you have it with you now? (confused here)

  313.  #315Emoticon on October 4, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Oh no I’m in the computer lab working on something. It’s at home waiting on me 🙂

  314.  #316Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    Ok, Roger that!

  315.  #317tinque on October 4, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Lyka – There are all kinds of crappy waxes. This is really your best bet if you have coarse hair. If you’re not trained, it’s not that easy to do it yourself and do it right. Have you considered laser?


  316.  #318Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Tinque, yes I have and I’d really like to get laser but it’s very expensive. And I’d still have to shave in between sessions.

  317.  #319Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    So Tinque, what is that Thich Nhat Hanh thing? Some sort of a retreat?

  318.  #320Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    OK, that was badly formulated, again (rolling eyes at myself here). I should’ve said what is that thing with Thich Nhat Hanh? I know who he is, actually, his name always makes me smile! 🙂

  319.  #321Lilybelly on October 4, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    Evening, Sirens!

    Today, while I was doing my browsing on the dating site, I came across, was STRICKEN by a profile and photo of a man, who was just for me. He was beautiful and I thought, YUM! (NV’s came right behind YUM saying Men like that do not date you, Lilybelly) and off I went. A few minutes later, I got an email and took a look and it was from HIM! (NV’s said, REALLY??) It was a very nice email, well written, intelligent and at the end, was his personal email address. I decided to reply to his personal email addy…red flags were flying. (Again, Men like THAT do not date me.)

    Several hours later, I received the nicest reply so I let my boy get to work and track the email addy….all the way to New Zealand. You can’t really live two suburbs from me and send me an email from New Zealand, unless of course, you are paying for a IP re-route. (NV’s yelling..Told ya so, Told ya so)

    Romance scammers. Hmmpppfffhhhh.

    But what happened was that I decided to amp my vibe up and say YES PLEASE UNIVERSE! Send me REAL men like this guy looked and wrote. He was so beautiful, whoever he was and YUMMY!! Yes please, more of that!!

    (NV’s…yea right, Lilybelly. Men like THAT do NOT date you.)

    Man, he was beautiful! More please, in real life, who really do live down the road!!

    Dang scammers.

  320.  #322Mel on October 4, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Lil… could he be on holiday in NZ?

  321.  #323Mel on October 4, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    And also… you so deserve a yummy man!

  322.  #324Lilybelly on October 4, 2011 at 5:13 pm


    Nope, Mel. It was a classic scammer email.

  323.  #325tinque on October 4, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    Lyka – I understand on lasering. When I return, if you want to e-mail me, I’ll give you a tutorial on waxing and give you some product recommendations. You may not know this, but I’ve been a licensed esthetician for over twenty years.

    Google Thich Nhat Hanh. He’s and amazing person, a Buddhist monk. I’ve heard him speak a few times. He’s so filled with peace and spiritual wisdom. One of my favorite books of his is Living Buddha, Living Chr*st.

    K and I are going on a five day retreat. And we will be tenting it. Sex in the mountains is awesome by the way, gets the juices flowing even more…

  324.  #326tinque on October 4, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    Sorry Lyka, just saw your amendment. He’s so awesome. If you ever get the chance to hear him speak…

    On the Friday after we get back, we get to do just this yet again in NYC.


  325.  #327Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Awww, Lilibelly, that sucks. Good thing you were able to see him for what he is. I wasn’t that lucky a few years ago myself, although I had doubts but didn’t listen to them. Yes, I got scammed. Bad memories. 🙁

  326.  #328Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    No problem, Tinque. I first heard about him about 9 or 10 years ago, a co-worker told me about him. And I read the book you mentioned too.

    You’re very lucky, I wish I could have sex in the mountains too! 😉

  327.  #329Lilybelly on October 4, 2011 at 5:31 pm


    Oh NO, Lyka! I’m sorry that happened to you!

    I stop ’em right in their tracks…I try to get one email from the address they give me and then it’s all over. Unfortunately, they just move on to another woman.

  328.  #330Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    Oh, and thanks for the offer re. waxing!

  329.  #331Lyka on October 4, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Yes, Lilibelly, that’s what I did too (check his IP address) but it was too late. I learned my lesson, though and I survived. It just made me stronger.

  330.  #332Tiffany on October 4, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Lyka #313

    I would tend to agree with you. I have felt so anxious all day because of the whole thing. We finally got in touch, and he thinks I “overreacted.” I kind of agree with him. But at the same time, that was how I felt, very honestly, in the moment. Maybe I could have taken a deep breath and gone to take a shower before responding. The whole comment just made me feel soooo icky.

    I think he understands now why I felt upset, so that makes me feel a little bit better.

    But now he’s coming up here, and my stomach is in knots. I’m not sure if I want to see him, but I do.

    Uuuugggghh. Siren yickies.

    He said he thinks I am distracted when I am with him. So my goal for this evening is to be as open and honest and present as I can.

    Maybe that’s why my stomach in is knots and I feel so freakin’ nervous…

    ooh hugs (((ME)))

  331.  #333VW on October 4, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Sweetpea and Miri:

    I totally agree with you about “tools” vs “rules”…

    Rori is unique and amazing in creating all these tools for us to use…so symbolic and easy to apply…:)

    Miri, I agree rules are amazing to use when we “start” our “rehabilitation” process from toxic patterns in our lives…

    I totally felt comforted and safe using the tools as rules in the beginning…

    Yet, now, I noticed feeling impaired in creating intimate relationships…because of the particular rule/tool…of “leaning fwd”…

    This is the one I feel resistant to…noticing it keeps me from being present and yes, leaning forward when it feels good to me…okay, maybe I am a “Rockstar”…how about that??? lol and of course, Rori did say, when you feel like a Rockstar…you can do anything…:)

    The reason I initially made the comment was because I noticed other Sirens advising other Sirens “not to lean forward…” and i felt bad reading it…and actually, angry at times…

    I feel open to encouraging each other to connect to our deep feelings, work through them, open our hearts…identify our needs…and support one another to make the best decision for us…

    I want to feel Dam*nit FIREWORKS when a Siren makes a decision coming from her heart…and when that happens (when I feel the authentic YOU)…u will sure know about it!!!!

    You know when someone speaks their truth from their heart, because u feel it…u are touched by it…there is the WOW…moment!

    Thank you for sharing about your experience 🙂

    warm hugs,

  332.  #334Esteemed on October 4, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Hi everyone! I felt angry when my mother told me that the staff at the nursing home ignore her most of the time when she asks a question. She said they usually just walk away. I feel like white fire hot livid.

    I decided I’m going to write a letter to the staff at the nursing home. I’m going to talk about the infinite value of every human being. When we value each other, Then there is respect and dignity.

    ” With love, suffering ceases.” Rumi

  333.  #335VW on October 4, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    Okay, Lilybelly and Lyka…could you please elaborate on those IP addresses?

    how do u get them and what do u do with them?

    Wow…that’s seems like detective work 🙂 please share 🙂

    warm hugs,

  334.  #336Senior Lady Vibe on October 4, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    @333: VW says:
    “…You know when someone speaks their truth from their heart, because u feel it…u are touched by it…there is the WOW…moment!…”

    Maybe… not sure who the “u” is. But truth or not, some people might be “touched by it” and some just call names. And some people are touched whether or not there is truth.



  335.  #337VW on October 4, 2011 at 6:43 pm


    You are right…i would have been better had i said “i feel it and I am touched by it…” even though it’s not my truth…but rather, their truth…

    What “society” sees as “truth” may very likely differ from what my truth, his/her truth…and your truth 🙂

    warm hugs,

  336.  #338Femininewoman on October 4, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Ella my zumba teacher told us to scream in the class tonight. She calledit a Alfred Hitchcock scream, just like the vampire scream and we had to do it aloud. Boy was it energizing.

  337.  #339LILI 41 on October 4, 2011 at 7:01 pm


    Wow FW.
    You have a way of posting what I need so often.
    My cd is feminine in many ways. He can’t make a decision to save his life and he has always been in long term relationships with women who are opinionated, strongwilled and outspoken who are very decisive…allthough it never lasted.
    I see my masculin energy now, strongwilled and “get the job done”.
    Today, I had to take the bulls by the horne at work and get the masculin energy out of them to take action. I noticed that when I tapped into my feminine energy by expressing my feelings and then needing their help to get things done, I got their attention and they really stopped and listened and switched their positions.

  338.  #340LILI 41 on October 4, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Fem energy vs masculine energy:

    My friend asked me to help her move. I was more than happy to help.
    My bf had a jealousy fit bc I never help him out with his house chores. His feminine energy seems to want me to go to his house and help him out voluntarily.
    But when he asked why I didn’t help him out like I do my friends, I replied bc you don’t ask me and they do. Masculine energy would lean forward and ask. It would be leaning forward for me to do it voluntarily without him asking. No?

  339.  #341Senior Lady Vibe on October 4, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    @334: Esteemed

    Unfortunately that’s human nature. Particularly among some sets of people. Perhaps you can get a good result by discussing your mother’s needs with the facility management. Is there any other place you could take your business?

    I had a very sad experience this weekend with a neighbor and her “care attendant.” Yes, it is terrible. I bet the staff won’t even get what you are talking about. I’m glad your mother has you to talk with and go to bat for her.



  340.  #342LILI 41 on October 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    I feel all agitated right now. Had a bad day at work, allthough I hope productive…I’ll find out tomorrow.
    I feel unattractive with this cold, sinuses all stuffed up making my eyes puffy and small, coughing and sneeking keeping everyone at bay, all bloated with my period, then crying getting all emotional.

    I hope that after communicating everything I was holding back at work, that I will finally get this cold healed. I’m taking vitamins C and elderberry juice trying to boost my immune system. I will be missing a 3rd zumba class tomorrow bc of this recurring cold. My body feels like it’s screaming at me to just rest, sit there and face the feelings. I can’t do anything phycially and no one wants my coodies, so I am stuck alone at home with nothing else to do but face my feelings. I get the sense, that once I do and I let it all out by expressing them, that’s when my cold and “stuffiness” will let itself out of my body.
    Notice the word “stuffiness”…I feel all stuffed up…like I must be stuffing something down to feel so stuffy.
    Well, I unstuffed a lot of feelings today at work. Like – I feel like my words, my experience and my knowledge have no value. I just feel like giving up. I feel stiff and frozen like a robot waiting for someone to push the button and tell me what to do.
    Is that what I was stuffing down? Will having expressed this finally get my sinuses unstuffed? Can’t wait to find out.

  341.  #343GingerSky on October 4, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    #334 Esteemed (is that Brenda?)

    This has been the way of nursing homes for us too.

  342.  #344Glow on October 4, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Esteemed, when you write the letter, it’s important to make sure that you treat the workers at your mother’s home with respect and love too, otherwise your letter may come across as preachy and hypocritical.

    Believe me, I know from experience.

  343.  #345Susan on October 4, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    Sweet Man called me last night and said he needed to talk seriously. He said he couldn’t say these things face to face so was doing it on the phone. He then proceeded to NOT tell me he loved me, LOL!

    When we first got together, he admitted that loved scared him so much he could hardly even say that sentence. I honestly thought he was going to vomit during that conversation. Last night, he said he cared for me, wanted a forever future with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life making me happy. Then he said he couldn’t say ‘it.’ He kept saying he was bad. I didn’t understand the word ‘bad’ so I asked him if he had bodies buried under his home or people chained up in his closet. That made him laugh. Then he said maybe unworthy was a better word. He feels unworthy of love.

    His father died when he was young. His depressed mother never remarried, barely had the energy to care for him and died when he was in his early teens. His only sibling (a brother) molested him. I find myself wondering if he has ever been able to deeply bond with someone. He seems hungry for it, but frightened of it as well.

    I had no idea what to say to him. Mostly, I listened. It was a very emotional phone call and I don’t know if it will bring us closer or cause him to turn tail and run.

  344.  #346LILI 41 on October 4, 2011 at 8:02 pm


    my sister-in-law who works as a nurse in a nursing home THANKS YYOUU. She is so motivated at her work from getting love and gratitude from families.

  345.  #347Senior Lady Vibe on October 4, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    “Men Who Knit And the Dogs Who Love Them”… yeah, all right!



  346.  #348LILI 41 on October 4, 2011 at 8:06 pm


    He trusts you so much for telling you.

  347.  #349LILI 41 on October 4, 2011 at 8:08 pm


    SLV. lol. My cd was trying to tell me how to run my sewing machine last Sunday and how to sew the strap on my dress…lol.

  348.  #350Senior Lady Vibe on October 4, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Another good book: “Drunk, Divorced And Covered In Cat Hair.”


  349.  #351Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    My new young cd has been texting me the past couple days and I can tell he is “young” because he asked me if I wanted to “hang out” sometime…lol awwww so sweet. He gets a pass cuz it’s just practice. And he’s sweet. I’m gonna call him babyCD. Hee hee. I like it.

  350.  #352Glow on October 4, 2011 at 8:36 pm


    LILI said “She is so motivated at her work from getting love and gratitude from families.”

    Yes! I imagine so! 🙂

  351.  #353Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    No I don’t like BabyCD…sounds to babyish

  352.  #354Emerson on October 4, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Kinda reminds me of usher…maybe I will call him usherCD 🙂

  353.  #355la chiquita bonita on October 4, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    good evening sirens:) today my boy energy wrote out the itenerary for the day in my daily organizer: library, university, rehearse, and commute home. And yes all things were done and mentally checked off… However, I also thougth about Roris mantra and its amazing alll the wonderful suprizes the day brought and all of the beautiful feelings and experiences I had. I sat with a stranger at dunkin donuts in the morning and practiced leaning back and not doing-super hard! But I felt so proud he initiated convesation and was very nice:) I left and found a little fortune on the ground that said”with every deed you are sowind a seed, though the harvest you may not see.” I had an amazing day, lots of feelings, beautiful air, freshness, I felt soft today and I interacted with friends and listened to them, and shared my fortune paper with a friend who was stressed out…I love what Rori teaches, its much more than dating- its about living life. Thank God for today, and for being suprized!

  354.  #356Tiffany on October 4, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Well, he was here.

    At first, he didn’t even open the car door for me. That was a first. And I didn’t even say anything. I just looked at him. I felt so weird. Everything felt off. I felt like I was going to cry. Of course, the weather has been weird today, and I can be sensitive to changes in barometric pressure.

    We had such a weird conversation. Some parts of it were great. But he kept asking about my girl friend as if she were my “girlfriend.” And he in no way “got it” as to why that was upsetting to me. Maybe I don’t even “get it.” Clearly, I was being triggered, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t even know why. When I tried to explain, it was like he didn’t even hear me.

    hm…but I am having a thought about this. I think it might be because I am a highly monogamous person. I really do not like the idea of being in an “open” relationship. I know some people love it, but that’s not my thing. I don’t think i can tolerate that. Not only that, my friend that I was having dinner with IS a lesbian. she HAS a girlfriend. And it was NOT an erotic meeting. At all! That had nothing to do with it. I resent the idea that she would cheat on her girlfriend – with me – and also that I would let the man who is interested in me drive me to a date with another person. That doesn’t make any sense to me.

    But maybe I just need to relax. He wants me to relax. When he met me, I was so relaxed. I was relaxed and easy-going. Now he is seeing my tense, anxious side.

    But I think he still likes me.

    The hardest thing is to let someone like you. He likes me SO much. It is so scary. I can see myself doing so many things, maybe even subconsciously that could push him away. So far, he’s still there. i think he is. I see him being there.

    Oh, I’m so tired.

    My least favorite thing is watching a man leave my house. I wish I didn’t have to see them go. There goes my fear-of-abandonment NV. Telling me they won’t come back.

    No, they’ll come back. They still like me.

    Good little T. Bedtime. Zzzzzz

  355.  #357Tiffany on October 4, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Susan 345 – that sounds like a very powerful conversation!

    I think you did the best thing by just listening to him.:)

  356.  #358English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 12:33 am

    #173 Violet

    I would love it if you could share some of your self love tips and tools, I have come a long way I have to say but anything that helps me to make it there quicker would be appreciated.

    I do the take care of myself thing and listen to positive stuff (been doing that for a long time anyway), I blow a kiss to myself in the mirror even though I feel like a complete fool lol, I try and practise Rori’s tools, but I am certainly not in the place you are. Thank you.

  357.  #359English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 1:03 am

    #278 FW

    Thank you for that, how apt I read it not long after I had posted to Violet. 🙂

  358.  #360English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 1:18 am

    #293 FW

    Now I am more confused than ever. 🙁

  359.  #361English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 1:24 am

    #309 Tiffany

    Men are visual, and you have created this image in his head of 2 girls kissing/making out which of course all men like to fantasise about, God knows why because 2 men getting it on does nothing for females. 😀

    You have probably turned on that image so strongly in his head he is going a wee bit crazy, poor man. 😀

  360.  #362English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 1:31 am

    #324 Lillybelly

    Don’t those scammers make your heart soar, then sink as you read on that they are not who they say they are. 🙁

    I particularly HATE those who pretend they are service men fighting for our country makes me so angry. 🙁

    There are whole websites devoted to tracking down these scammers and some of the stories on there would curl your hair reading about women who have been sucked into it and have lost $$$, some women have lost a lot of $$$$$$$$$, because they believed the stories they were told, not to mention losing their hearts. 🙁

    Caveat emptor.

  361.  #363English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 1:39 am

    #327 Lyka

    So sorry to hear you got scammed, but they can be quite the persuasive ones. Some of them are VERY clever and slick operators, do you know there are call centres that these Nigerian scammers operate out of?

    Remember how it started off years ago with all those “send me your bank details and I will deposit $10000000000 into your bank account” well after people wised up to that (and LOTS of people lost money with that one I saw a documentary about it) well then they started on the dating sites, I had quite a few on some years ago, but have only had one on POF so far, I read his message one night (good looking, intelligent, articulate, too good to be true) and the next morning…..poof the message and him were gone so maybe he was reported by another woman?

  362.  #364English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 1:45 am

    #345 Susan

    Oh poor man, I feel teary reading this. How wonderful he can confide in you, that must make him feel trusting with the safe, warm woman you are to him.

  363.  #365sammie sighs on October 5, 2011 at 2:06 am

    #264 FW

    Thank you for posting that I am copying this to keep it so I can Re-Read it. I was starting to feel like did I do the right thing walking away? Was it my fault? But no I love myself way to much to be second best and not to be valued I will not sacrafice my self worth to be with a man!! I feel steady again and like a siren.

  364.  #366Ella on October 5, 2011 at 2:44 am

    Morning Sirens,

    Just taking a quick break from work to stop in here…

    I have a new CD tonight with CD2 who I met at the dance thing on Sat night. He has been all lovely and step up (albeit via text message). He is driving over to me tonight for our date but he asked me to choose a place to go as he doesn’t know the area.

    I said ‘Ow it will feel great to see you and I don’t feel good about planning dates although I feel happy to go with whatever when I see you’ or something like that.

    Well he took it to mean that I don’ like ‘plans’ rather than I don’t like planning dates myself.

    This is not the case in fact I only really feel confortable with a confirmed plan!

    Anyway he replied back with something about not to worry he likes to be spontanious too.

    That was yesterday, I was busy working so just replied back quickly ‘ok, cool’

    But now it is the day of the date and I am realising there is no confirmed time.

    I don’t know when he is going to come over this evening other than it will be after 6pm.

    Sirens do I text back again and ask for a plan? If so what should I say?

    And if not do I just leave it and assume he’ll be in touch later?

    I guess this might be good practice for me with lettting go.

    I am feeling a little nervous and tight, wanting to control having a plan.

    Any Siren advice?



  365.  #367Lyka on October 5, 2011 at 3:11 am

    VW – #335:

    There are sites where you can plug in the IP addy of a sender in a box and it will tell you (approximately) where they are sending the email from. You need to view the full header.

    As an example, an IP address is set like that: 123.456.789.0

    I’m still trying to find the site I used back in those days but I hope that one helps!

  366.  #368Lyka on October 5, 2011 at 3:14 am

    LILI 41- #342:

    Have you ever tried taking echinacea? I use the tincture and it really works. But the thing is you have to start taking it as soon as you feel there’s a cold coming. When I do, I take 30 drops every hour and it usually kills my cold/flu.

  367.  #369Lyka on October 5, 2011 at 3:17 am

    EW – #362-363:

    Thank you for your concern. I should’ve listened to the little voices inside my head and I would’ve been fine, but I didn’t. I only blame myself.

    There’s a site that I visit at times where you can read all sorts of horror stories re. scamming. Just Google Love Fraud.

  368.  #370English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 3:18 am

    Hi Sammi Sighs, Ella and Lyka

    Looks like it’s the Brit crew online at the minute. 🙂

    Well I know Ella is and I think Sammi is by the way she speaks, maybe Lyka is in Europe.

    Hope you’re have a good day Sirens.

    Ella sorry but I have no idea of how you are supposed to handle this, if you text him, then you are leaning forward, but if you don’t you are not going to know if you are even going out and it is 11.17 am here and you are to meet at 6pm…….did he say he would pick you up in his car? If so maybe he has already made a plan?

    Sorry not much help I know. 🙁

  369.  #371English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 3:21 am

    #369 Lyka

    Ah yes the old red flags, so easy to dismiss them when our heart is soaring……….we have all done that I’m sure, I know I certainly have………….sigh………

    I forgive myself as should you, nothing to blame yourself for only gentle compassion allowed for ourselves on Siren Island. 🙂

  370.  #372English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 4:00 am

    #370 Ella …continued,,,,,

    I mean to say does he have your address to pick you up from?

  371.  #373Lyka on October 5, 2011 at 4:13 am

    EW – #370:

    No, no, I am still in Canada – I just wake up very early to workout before going to work. 🙂

  372.  #374Lyka on October 5, 2011 at 4:20 am

    Ella, I wish I could help you as well. Knowing me, I would probably send him a cute text asking for more details.

    I’m just thinking about what VW said about tools and rules…

  373.  #375Lyka on October 5, 2011 at 4:23 am

    EW, some days I forgive myself, other days I just can’t help telling myself how stupid I was. I knew something was wrong from the start but ketp ignoring the little voices telling me to watch out.

  374.  #376Mel on October 5, 2011 at 4:52 am

    I woke up with some clarity this morning.

    It has to do with allowing whether men call me or don’t cal me to influence my happiness.

    At the beginning of dating, things always feel fun and easy. The guy is “stepping up” to win me and I like that feeling. As soon as I actually start to like him back, things tend to change. He’s no longer making such an effort. Then I start to get NVs, then things get worse. This is the pattern I am noticing.

    It’s funny because the guys I just feel “meh” about are constantly in contact. Just when I think I couldn’t care less, there’s an email or text from one of those CDs. The ones I actually WISH would contact don’t.

    So I think a couple things are coming into play here. #1- I think it is definitely true that for some men, it is all about the thrill of the chase. Once they know you will consistently accept dates from them, it’s no longer fun for them.

    #2- When I like someone, my vibe changes. Instead of being all non-chalant, I WANT more from them. They can very likely feel this… and if they are not ready for more (even if my more is really not that much of a commitment) they back off. It has to be THEIR idea to want more. This cannot be “helped along.”

    So the solution… Obviously CDing will help enormously. To both keep the vibe up and make me not so “available” to those men with strong drives to chase.

    The only glitch in all of this is when my feelings change… I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting more. I am worthy of affection and sex and intimacy and a step-up man. My concern is that perhaps in making that man my “choice” he feels pressured. It seems like it has to be his choice or it doesn’t work. This is all so confusing…

    I do know that I liked how I felt with sexy sarcastic BEFORE my emotions got involved. Right now, I love being with him, but feel deflated when I’m not. I want to heal this. I don’t want any man to make me feel deflated. I want my dating life to be easy breezy. I don’t need negative energy in my life right now (or ever).

    I had been holding off on making plans for the weekend, because I was hoping sexy sarcastic would organize something. That’s silly of me. I’m going to make some plans and then he can try to fit himself into my schedule if he wants. I’m not going to be so available. There are plenty of opportunities out there. I was even asked to go to guy from work’s family thanksgiving dinner! A girl like me doesn’t need to be waiting around for a man to call her- even a man she likes.

  375.  #377Mel on October 5, 2011 at 5:11 am

    Yay! I accepted work guy’s invite and also I’m going to help out with a grape harvest this weekend. I invited friend with BEEnefits to come along, but I’ll go on my own if he can’t attend. Super fun! Perhaps Text CD may also ask me out. I still have Friday open. Architect has also been circling around. Gee… if Sexy Sarcastic wants to see me at all, he’ll have to act fast! LOL

  376.  #378Mel on October 5, 2011 at 5:14 am

    Ha! Just as I typed that architect wrote to me and said he’d like to see me Friday or Saturday if I’m available. To let him know so that he can arrange for a babysitter.

    Look at that siren energy going out there into the universe! heehee! 😉

  377.  #379Lyka on October 5, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Way to go, Mel! 🙂

  378.  #380Mel on October 5, 2011 at 5:27 am

    Crazy! This is reminding me of LAST long-weekend when I had 5 dates in 3 days… Maybe I can break that record! 🙂

  379.  #381patti on October 5, 2011 at 6:01 am

    i have know this guy for over 6yrs and at first our relationship was based on just pleasure. He has help me in many ways and than i started to get stronger feelings towards him. He showed me the same. but than we stop talking a lot on the phone and didn’t see each other that much due to his Carree . but now and than he will call or be in the area and the only thing he wants from me is a blow job. don’t know how else to say that. i don’t understand.

  380.  #382patti on October 5, 2011 at 6:18 am

    can some please help me understand this or what i should do

  381.  #383Femininewoman on October 5, 2011 at 6:21 am

    ((((((((hugs)))))))) Patti. He is showing you the type of relationship he wants.

  382.  #384Femininewoman on October 5, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Mel have to point this out to you. “I don’t want any man to make me feel deflated” is taking the victim stance. You might disagree with me but I would check on this if I were you.

    What you said is similar to a lot I have read from CCarter of how men behave. My understanding is that they have to make the choice because when they do, in their minds, they make you the boss because you can take them on a roller coaster ride of emotions and they rather be on one with someone they feel will not ultimately hurt them. And even if you hurt them they will be man enough to know it was their choice so they hang in there. Don’t know if this makes sense.

  383.  #385T-Girl on October 5, 2011 at 6:33 am

    Patti, this is the point where you start taking care of yourself and putting yourself first. I know we don’t know the whole story or the extent of your feelings, but I can’t see that this is a relationship that anyone would want? You are a siren and deserve way more than that!

  384.  #386Mel on October 5, 2011 at 6:36 am

    Hugs Patti!

    What kind of relationship do you want? If you are only interested in hooking up, then this is working for you. If you desire more… perhaps you could expand your possibilities by dating others.

    Is he worthy of your time and attention? Could you be true to yourself and tell him how that makes you feel, even if that feels completely terrifying? Could you ride off into the sunset and see if he chooses to run along behind?

  385.  #387Femininewoman on October 5, 2011 at 6:40 am

    Ella I would suggest saying what your preferences are as in “I prefer when the guys make the plans”. I know Rori says to use don’t wants but it can come across as negative so I try to use it with guys to tell them “I don’t want to feel angry or to be criticized”. I can totally understand why he misunderstood because communication can be so tricky. The hearer does not always get the message the way the sender meant it and this to me is just an indication that checking in to make sure that you are on the same page rather than assuming that we are good communicators can help. This is not a criticism about you, it is just that I experience guys being very precise about the meanings of words and sometimes clarifying it different than the way I understood. I have also seen CCarter talk about women believing they are good communicators not realising that someones guys understand things differently.

  386.  #388Mel on October 5, 2011 at 6:40 am


    “I don’t want any man to make me feel deflated” is taking the victim stance. You might disagree with me but I would check on this if I were you.”

    I see what you’re saying here. I just meant that I don’t want my mood to be determined by what a man does or doesn’t do. I’m actually trying to take the responsibility here. LOL… not worded that way perhaps. I am responsible for how I feel. I don’t want my happiness (or lack thereof) to be about some guy. 😉

  387.  #389Femininewoman on October 5, 2011 at 6:41 am

    RE 344 Glow you are so right. It could even affect the attention she gets.

  388.  #390VW on October 5, 2011 at 6:46 am

    Hello world…:)

    I have a new and amazing lover…:) and he is an all nigther kinda lover…:) I love it!..

    I feel excited…all smiley and happy 🙂

  389.  #391Femininewoman on October 5, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Susan I believe he is feeling safe with you why he shared that. It is him sharing his troubles and his internal world was what I thought. Listening was I believe the best medicine for him. I would focus on loving myself more than ever now if I were you. It might not be easy but I see that as your best option. You need enough to be spilling over so he can absorb in from your energy when you are together.

  390.  #392Mel on October 5, 2011 at 6:50 am

    VW! I’m soooooo jealous!

  391.  #393VW on October 5, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Oh, Mel 🙂 U got it going on Dahling 🙂 Not to worry…This is just the beginning for you…

    My early 30s marked the beginning of awesome and amazing love adventures…and I learned about the difference between having sex with a man and making love to a man…:)

    warm hugs,

  392.  #394Mel on October 5, 2011 at 6:57 am


    Here’s to new discoveries!


  393.  #395VW on October 5, 2011 at 6:59 am


    Cheers Dahling 🙂

    I am supposed to work today…someone gonna be “suffering” today without any sleep…:) well worth it though 🙂

    warm hugs,

  394.  #396VW on October 5, 2011 at 7:04 am


    Thank you so much for the information on the IP addresses 🙂

    warm hugs

  395.  #397Mel on October 5, 2011 at 7:10 am

    I just leaned forward to text sexy sarcastic. BUT…. only because I wanted to “play.” My kitteny self was feeling bored and wanted to be engaged in some sarcastic banter with sexual innuendoes.

    I sent out a play with me vibe into the universe. I want things to be light and effortless between us again!

  396.  #398VW on October 5, 2011 at 7:11 am

    Here is my morning song…Ride on Time…:)

  397.  #399Mel on October 5, 2011 at 7:14 am

    PS. It worked!

  398.  #400VW on October 5, 2011 at 7:17 am


    yay…:) it feels good to be a kitten 🙂

  399.  #401Mel on October 5, 2011 at 7:18 am

    Meow! 😉

  400.  #402Emoticon on October 5, 2011 at 7:24 am

    Mel and VW,
    The difference between having sex and making love, lol. I learned this year. Right after I turned 21 and now I’m feeling way ahead of myself here lol!!

  401.  #403Emoticon on October 5, 2011 at 7:26 am

    Maybe I don’t really know as much as I think!

  402.  #404Susan on October 5, 2011 at 8:15 am

    RE: 391: Femininewoman says:

    “Susan I believe he is feeling safe with you why he shared that. It is him sharing his troubles and his internal world was what I thought. Listening was I believe the best medicine for him. I would focus on loving myself more than ever now if I were you. It might not be easy but I see that as your best option. You need enough to be spilling over so he can absorb in from your energy when you are together.”

    This is good advise, thank you. Actually, thanks to everyone who answered, but this response resonated with me. I was feeling afraid he would spook himself into leaving me. He did it before in 2006 and we weren’t nearly as close as we are now. Yesterday, I decided to focus on myself (since I can’t do squat about what is going on with his emotions) and I wasn’t sure WHAT to do for myself… Then an email popped into my inbox offering free classes on how to build retaining walls and paver patios. This kind of thing interests me (I’m not the typical girly-girl), so I signed up for the classes. They are to be held on days I usually spend with him, so he will have to request my time… 🙂

  403.  #405marina on October 5, 2011 at 8:41 am

    hello dear Sirens,
    I am feeling much better now. Less anxious. Went to see a neurologist. She thinks I might have a inflamed muscle that is pressing on a nerve. But to make sure it is nothing else I will have a MRI scan this Monday. Fingers crossed.

    I feel relieved that I will have more clarity in 2weeks 🙂


  404.  #406Camille on October 5, 2011 at 8:45 am

    So good to hear! I hope all goes well for you.

    Fingers crossed here also and prayers for you.

  405.  #407marina on October 5, 2011 at 9:26 am

    Hi Camille,
    Thnx, that is very sweet of you 🙂

  406.  #408Senior Lady Vibe on October 5, 2011 at 9:49 am

    Hi, Marina… 😀


  407.  #409Femininewoman on October 5, 2011 at 9:51 am

    I found these helpful.

    3 months is where things either break down or get serious. that’s why you see it as a pattern for you – because it’s a pattern for everyone! The cure is simple – Circular Dating. Tis way you never become invested, and you’ll stay way more attractive to each man longer– so things get a chance to sort out and gel without the pressure of the 3-4 month mark! Love, Rori

    1. Wondering how much of your course is about speaking with “I language”, and speaking my truth honestly to the man of my life.

    1. Jane – it’s the main tool to authenticity and Vulnerability – which are cornerstones of the Rori Raye Mantra – Love, Rori

    2. Would you be at all interested in a man who felt “desperate” to be with you? No. You’d feel icky and try to get rid of him. When you get rid of your sense of “desperation” – you’ll get the love you want. Love, Rori

  408.  #410Senior Lady Vibe on October 5, 2011 at 9:55 am

    @403: Emoticon says:
    “…Maybe I don’t really know as much as I think!…”

    You perhaps really know more than you think! … a huge mental database lying beneath everyday consciousness but available for thought process as “intution.”



  409.  #411Senior Lady Vibe on October 5, 2011 at 9:59 am




    catching up on posts while reading knitting/crochet pattern books with funny titles…

  410.  #412marina on October 5, 2011 at 10:38 am

    FW thnx for mentioning the book about the lady with memories of past lives. Sounds very interesting!

    I did a DofNA session (Discharge of Neural Aspects) this February where the practitioner has contact with your Higher Self. Also it helps to let go of certain blockages. Main thing was that I (currently) feel like living on the side. Putting myself 2nd place after everything and anyone else. Not thinking I am worthy to try and live to my fullest potential.

    I will see if I can save money to have an advanced DofNA session to see what memories and patterns I carry with me in my cells /DNA that are part of the lives of my ancestors and that somehow seem to block me.

    Hope that that including working on here and with Byron Katie’s the Work will help me become free.

    I know there is already a lot of info on here from all of you lovely Sirens but if anyone would like to share how they did it, I would love to read it.


  411.  #413marina on October 5, 2011 at 10:40 am

    hi SLV!

    How are you today?


  412.  #414marina on October 5, 2011 at 10:44 am

    I just got home and found a parcel from the United States Postal Service!
    Thnx Rori for delivering such a fast service!
    I am going to watch Reconnect your relationship and going to rewatch Modern Siren!

    Happy happy joy joy 🙂


  413.  #415marina on October 5, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Oh I feel kinda nervous talking about the DofNA. I feel afraid of being judged for paying money for something like a DofNA session. I feel afraid I will come off as naive and too trusting. I feel afraid people will think I should be able to get in touch with my Higher Self myself.

    Hmm. I don’t have to tell everyone. I did it for me and it felt good. I don’t have to explain. It is my money and I choose to spend it that way.

    Also I choose to try a DofNA session bc I had no clue how to get there myself.
    And I feel glad I took the session. Also I feel curious what will come up in an advanced session.

    I love feeling curious! It feels tingly and fresh and alive and happy.

  414.  #416Emoticon on October 5, 2011 at 11:35 am

    @ SLV 🙂 maybe i do.

  415.  #417Emoticon on October 5, 2011 at 11:37 am

    So i told my CD i wanted last night to myself so he didnt come anymore. I had a great night, watched “The Notebook” TWICE! and then i watched “Perfume” which happens to be the only movie about killing that I like because i sympathize with the guy.

  416.  #418sammie sighs on October 5, 2011 at 11:43 am

    Hi EW
    Yep I’m a Brit 🙂 I’m having hard time Sirens I walked away then he contacted me today to say he is trying to get over me but doesn’t see need to stop flirting! I said please leave me to heal he then said he wanted me but wanted me to leave all my family???? GrRrrrr he is testing me I said I wish you happiness bye and all my family and friends say he is not good for me and I know his not when I was in hospital miscarriging his baby he told me it was like a blade of grass easy to cut out!! And ring him if it dies!! So I know he is good to be out of my life but then he turned on me to say I am horrible person and will never settle!! Wow I feel wow no words just tears tonight!

  417.  #419Emoticon on October 5, 2011 at 11:46 am

    Also the craziest thing happened. I had a very strange dream a few nights ago that I was living with my ex bf’s mother and two brothers. I did not see his father at all in the dream and his mom had a very depressed vibe going on. My ex himself was in and out of the house and I felt like i should try to ake the situation in the house better, because the dreary feeling was starting to take a toll on me so I cleaned up and my ex brought a whole bunch of groceries. I packes most away and started cooking. When we started eating i spoke to his mom about her depression andshe opened up to me and we had a long discussion about it.

    Now i usually have premonitary dreams but this one was weird.

    After we ate, I saw a dinosaur coming toward the house and was extremely nervous and scared about that. So i called my little brother (as usual lol, we’re like best friends) and i told him about the dinosaur. He told me that this is not the first time the dinosaur was coming. It came before and destroyed everything so be very careful. I stayed staring at the dinosaur till it walked right past our house, walked into a cave and went straight to sleep. I was so relieved, i called my baby bro again to tell him the good news.

    I was SO very confused about what that dinosaur meant because my dreams r either premonitary or its gving me a clue as to what is happening in my life presently.

    Last night when i got on twitter, i saw the girl that my ex left me for (we’re friends now, and they aren’t together anymore). She was saying that all her life she’s been convinced that she’s a baby dinosaur. I figured that was me remembering how i felt like she destroyed my relationship. I just thought that was crazy lol.

  418.  #420Emoticon on October 5, 2011 at 11:47 am

    btw im a kitten…. im pretty sure I was one in a past life. i still feel like one. And I may have been Josephine Baker in a past life also!

  419.  #421Femininewoman on October 5, 2011 at 11:55 am

    sammy sighs I wish you were close by so I could wrap my arms around you and soothe away your worries ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

  420.  #422marina on October 5, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    oh NV coming up about my head.. I feel worried. The pain and pressure are on the inside of my skull. There are no muscles there are they? Perhaps there is an inflammation in the tissue that holds my brains? Yuk. I slept with 2 operating cell phones under my pillow for the last 5.5 years in case BF4 would call me… How healthy is that… I stopped doing this 2 months ago. I leave my cell phone in my living room. I still wake up when someone calls or my alarm goes off… Wish I’d thought of that way earlier. OK. STOP. I am going for a walk. Get my mind off off it. Gonna smell autumn and buy myself healthy food. Yummy avocado’s and greens and fruits.


  421.  #423Femininewoman on October 5, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    From the email:-

    In order to make a man feel comfortable, to make him feel irresistibly attracted to you and interested in spending more and more time in your presence, you have to ALL HIM to give to YOU.

    You have to be a good RECEIVER.

    He has to feel that the love he sends your way is GETTING INTO you.

    He wants to feel appreciated, manly – and that he’s making you happy.

    And every time we do or say something that makes him feel he somehow did the “wrong” thing, or isn’t “cutting” it (even if he’s not just yet), he loses interest in ever trying to give to us or love us again.

    So what does “giving” have to do with that?

    A man sees and experiences our giving – if it’s not in response to something HE gave – so it’s more of a “giving BACK,” – as the SAME as telling him he’s doing something wrong.

    Sounds weird, I know, but all that does is make him feel unsure of himself.

  422.  #424Femininewoman on October 5, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    Just keep doing what you’re doing and not doing what you’re not doing. Cut back even more. Let him do what he wants. Let him rant and rave when he’s upset about the same old things he blames for not paying you the attention you deserve. Don’t discuss it.

    Keep doing the “Oh, yeah, that feels awful…” (Feeling Messages, remember.) and then say you don’t want to talk about that anymore. He’s using his other problems as an excuse to not act like a man with you. Take that crutch away just by not participating in it.

    Don’t tell him what you think, don’t analyze, just be the sexy, busy, happy, easy-going girl you’re starting to be, and let him be who he is around you. Love, Rori”

  423.  #425Femininewoman on October 5, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    The first step we did in this letter was to become aware of all the voices in your head – the ones that tell you that you CAN have what you want, and that you deserve it, and the one’s who tell you – “Who are you kidding?”

    The next step was to choose the voice that made you feel the best. That means, if a Mr. Gorgeous shows up suddenly, or the man you’re dating doesn’t call for days, or your husband ignores you for hours on end, you have a choice.

    You can choose to think that Mr. Gorgeous will find you gorgeous, too, or you can believe he’ll walk on by. You can choose to think that you deserve phone calls and contact and he’s proving HIMSELF not worthy of you, or you can believe you don’t deserve better treatment.

    You can choose to think that your husband is going through his own thing that has nothing to do with you, and that if you just hang back and focus on yourself, he’ll come to you, or you can believe that you have to jump all over him in order to get what you want.

    Try these different thoughts on for size.

    See which ones make you feel better, and choose to think those.

    Even a few moments of choosing to look at something in a way that makes you feel better will build into higher self-esteem for yourself. Step-by-step.

    You’ll see. YOU CAN DO THIS! Just take it one moment at a time.

    Love, Rori

  424.  #426AmazingMe on October 5, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    Hello sirens”in a manly voice” lol I am sick and it hit me hard my kids are being great helpers. Thank you mom for taking me to the doctors. I have a dilemma I need help!! My boards are coming up on the 13th which is next week. I know I know it but i am feeling like its too soon. Cold feet, anxiety….I have the option to reschedule, should I?? Or should I just do it!!? HELPPP

  425.  #427Susan on October 5, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    419: Emoticon:

    Do you mind if I attempt dream interpretation?

    The dinosaur is your old way of doing things. You are somewhat fearful the old ways of doing things were going to come back and dominate your life again, but the lumbered by, went into a cave and went to sleep. You recognize that the old ways of doing things was destructive and you are relieved it isn’t continuing to do damage in your life. Your brother (whom you love and whose opinion you trust) is telling you the changes you have been making are a good thing.

    I have no idea about the conversation with your ex’s mom or your ex bringing food.

  426.  #428Camille on October 5, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    do you do dream interpretation? I thought that was wonderful.

  427.  #429Susan on October 5, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    I piddle around at it (dream interpretation.) In college, I was drawn to the subject. I am not an expert and I’m not even sure there is such a thing.

    Certain symbols are shared, though. Sometimes, a symbol jumps out at me. Sometimes I hear about a dream and have no clue what-so-ever what it might be about.

    My daughter had a lot of scary nightmares when she was little and I used to do dream guidance with her. It did help. She is nearly 20 now and still remembers certain scary and recurring dreams that I helped her with.

  428.  #430English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Wow ladies once again I am so far behind on the blog lol!!

    Today at a charity shop I bought the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” for 10p (20c) and what an eye opener that has been as I read it on the train…………..I would like to share with you an open letter the author wrote to some of us…….

    “Hey, Hot Stuff

    Can’t wait until you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope it’s soon. You’re way too tasty to be alone for long.

    Come find me. I’m out here waiting.

    Your Future.

    (I made the ending into Your Sweetie a la SLV. :))

  429.  #431Tiffany on October 5, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Oh, ladies.

    Sad siren today :'(

    Yesterday, I was so concerned about being “offended” by FND’s comments that I had to make a big deal of them. Honestly, in a way, I didn’t know how not too. They just felt so bad and awful to me. I know I had other options. And I’ve wondered if part of it was my subconscious trying to push away someone who really liked me (a genuine possibility). At the time, I just wanted to state how I felt. But at the same time, I didn’t want him to stop liking me. I simply wanted him to understand.

    I don’t feel he understood me. I don’t feel he ever really heard, or listened to, or saw me.

    Today I want to say that I don’t want to be understood so much as I want a relationship. I mean, I guess if not with him, then with someone else.

    We had a big fight at dinner. I told him how it made me feel so bad that he kept asking me questions about my girl friends as if they were “girlfriends” and/or prospective dates or sexual partners. I wanted him to drop it. I didn’t seem to be getting across, but he at least nodded as if he understood.

    Then he said, “Can I ask you a question?”

    “Sure,” I said. Of course. He said he wanted to get to know me, and I wanted to tell him all about me and get to know him.

    “So this girl you are seeing…”

    “I’m sorry. I don’t understand the question.”

    I made him repeat it about five times. It was, literally, hard to tell what he was saying because of his accent. But finally it was clear that he was asking me about the girl I saw the previous night as if she were a “date.”

    I flipped out.

    Being very angry, I told him, No. She was not a girlfriend. Then I explained how she was a lesbian and already had a girlfriend, and so for her to see me in that way would have been cheating.

    I guess what triggered me the most was the implication of cheating – both on her part, and also that he would have driven me to a date with someone else. He kept implying that I was “keeping” something from him, and that I was not being “open” and “myself” with him.

    After I got mad, I just wanted to leave. I wanted to walk out of there. But I just said that I wanted the food to go. He wouldn’t look at me. Apparently he wanted to walk out as well, but he didn’t.

    He drove me home, and then I invited him in to talk. We talked about other subjects. I actually told him some very deep and intimate details about myself.

    This morning he says he felt bad and he doesn’t want “drama.” But that was after I already texted him to apologize.

    Now I can’t be sure if he was someone who truly could have loved me, who I pushed away. Or if he was just a toxic man who I will forever be better off without.

    I guess I have no real way to know.

    All I have are my deep feelings of sadness and pain. I told him I was sorry, because I don’t care if I was “right” or wrong about what I said or did or felt. It’s like Rori says – “do you want to be right, or do you want to be loved?”

    I went out on a limb and said I was sorry, even though I don’t necessarily believe he was totally in the right. But I would rather have a relationship that works then to make my ego fight for itself.

    He doesn’t seem to have accepted my apology.

    But men who say they are “drama-free” are also often “drama-makers.” If he walks away, then I guess that is his decision. That feels like him making drama where there doesn’t need to be any.

    I asked him to forgive me.

    And I meant it.

    Possibly more than I have ever meant it in my life.

    Now I guess it is up to him if he forgives me or not.


  430.  #432Tiffany on October 5, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    It would have been so much better if I had just said nothing and got up and left. I wish I could have just “dropped it.”

    he says no one ever yelled at him growing up, not even his dad.

    Well, good for him.

    I am feeling a lot of compassion and sadness today, because I did not have that luxury. I was yelled at all the time, in public and not. My parents yelled at each other, constantly.

    He texted me last night to say that normally, he would have left in that situation, but he didn’t, so he must really like me. (his words)

    I believe it and I have faith that that’s true.

    On the other hand, I didn’t feel good about the whole thing either. I want to have more open, flowy, communication. I don’t want to feel that my words are always being misinterpreted, and that when I state something clearly, several times, it still is not received. That makes me feel icky, bad, invisible.

    That triggers such bad feelings that I don’t know what to do. No wonder I got mad. No wonder I yelled.

    Still, I wish I did not make him wrong.

    But I still love myself more. Because I am special, and I am hurting. And I just want to be loved. I don’t want people to leave me.

    I love you, self. I’m not leaving you.

    I am giving you an invisible ice cream <B

  431.  #433Tiffany on October 5, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    EW – thanks for your #430.
    maybe that’s what I needed to hear….

  432.  #434Emoticon on October 5, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Susan, makes perfect sense. I was worried the dinosaur was her lol.

  433.  #435Tiffany on October 5, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    FND did tell me he that he doesn’t “do” drama.

    But there is no way not to experience *some* drama when you are with someone that you care about. That person is going to make you feel bad – because you care about them – and you will likely do something to make them feel bad.

    When you do, it is up to you to take responsibility for it and talk about, apologize, whatever you have to do.

    The way I understand it, it is not so much an issue of whether a couple has a fight – all couples have fights – but *how* they fight that makes a difference.

    You can’t just “walk away” from whatever it is, and expect it to go away.

    Because you are just going to run into it somewhere else.

    He told me he left his ex-wife, several years ago because of “drama” with the woman’s daughter. The woman was older than him and the daughter was his age. If that’s not drama, I don’t know what is! And he CHOSE that.

    He said I was the first person he’s ever been interested in who was younger than him, or his age (we are nearly the same age; he thought I was younger).

    Honestly, I think his expectations of “no drama” are unrealistic, if what it really means is that he doesn’t have to deal with a) his own feelings or b) someone else’s. And if he is not ready for a relationship, then that truly has nothing to do with me.

    I at least feel a little better.

    I feel more clear.

    I have said all that I needed to say.

    And I have plenty more options, and men who want to love me. I will be more than fine. I will be great.

  434.  #436Camille on October 5, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    In situation similiar it always helps me to not be so connected to the outcome….it happened….no sense beating any one up or having bad feelings………it is a learning experience……..learn something from it and move on. It will be here nor there very quickly in the future.

    Hope that helps I know I reacted to outcomes very much in the past……….I now see it was much time and energy that I didnt need to waste.

    Hugs to you!

  435.  #437Susan on October 5, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    RE: 431: Tiffany:

    He repeatedly ignored what you said. Unless you really enjoy repeating, repeating, repeating yourself and being ignored anyway….. You are so much better off without him.

    NEXT! 🙂

  436.  #438Camille on October 5, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Just want to post that since I have been becoming a siren and using Rori’s tools my relationship is blossoming and I never could have dreamt how easy this was. I have finally become accustomed to doing “Nothing” and I love it! And Im recieving so much more!

    THANK YOU RORI for teaching me how to have the best relationship I have ever had!

    Still practicing…………Still learning!

  437.  #439Emoticon on October 5, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    feeling oh so tired.

  438.  #440sammie sighs on October 5, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    Thanks FW 🙂 I have cried it out.. He sent to more email I just hit delete I deserve better and need to honour my self worth by never looking back!! EW love that our future is waiting for us!!! Nite Sirens x

  439.  #441sammie sighs on October 5, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Thanks FW 🙂 I have cried it out.. He sent two more emails I just hit delete I deserve better and need to honour my self worth by never looking back!! EW love that our future is waiting for us!!! Nite Sirens x

  440.  #442Lyka on October 5, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Tiffany, seriously, do you want a man who will doubt everything you say and try to twist every single word you say?

  441.  #443Esteemed on October 5, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    I love you! Thank you for being here!

  442.  #444Valerie on October 5, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Hi rori i have bn using your tools the last couple of weeks,I been single many years it seems like the last 6 months have been improving i bn seeing a older gentlemen and at first he was distant,and i “leaned back”instead of always being the one to initiate the commitment.Since then,he been calling on time making dates ahead of time.I am so happy with the change.thanks!

  443.  #445Lyka on October 5, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Hi Esteemed, I hope you’re doing well! 🙂

  444.  #446Lyka on October 5, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    Emoticon, feel better soon!

  445.  #447alias girl on October 5, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    430 EW aww…

    and i am going to tweak it to my NOW! the future is here, baby!!!

  446.  #448alias girl on October 5, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    ooohhhhh i just thought of a new experiment.


  447.  #449Esteemed on October 5, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Hi Lyka!

    Thanks! I’m doing really well! Just no laptop right now. So it’s hard to write much on my android.

    Love, Brenda

  448.  #450Emoticon on October 5, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Thank you Lyka!

  449.  #451Emoticon on October 5, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    So i went lookin through my old messages on google to find my childhood best friend’s number because today is her birthday. Came across so many great messages from my ex. Felt grateful for all these good times! So yeah….. i sent him a msg just 2 say hi n hope he had a good day. Even if he’s my least fave CD lol…. i felt good abt the msgs, i really almost choked up reminiscing lol

  450.  #452Esteemed on October 5, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    My heart hurts so bad with loneliness. I miss Ryan so bad. No other man has ever touched that deepest place of my heart.

  451.  #453LILI 41 on October 5, 2011 at 6:02 pm


    Hi Marina, I am listening to Reconnect your Relationship in my car on my way to and from work. I really love it! I will be listening to it more than once for sure.
    Let me know how you do.

  452.  #454Tiffany on October 5, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    Hi Ladies –

    Thanks all, for the supportive comments.

    I definitely do not want a man who doesn’t listen to me, doesn’t see me, doesn’t hear me. Who twists what I say, and doesn’t take responsibility for his own actions, or his part in the situation.

    Odd to me how I attracted this out of the blue when, hearing you guys say it, he really does sound toxic. So thank you.

    And luckily, I do not feel attached to the outcome. I said what I could, and I feel done. I don’t even want to hear from him anymore. As far I’m concerned, if he’s not willing to participate, then he can take it elsewhere.

    It’s just odd how you can become so attached to someone in such a short time, without realizing it. I know he was very attached, though. Probably more than me. Oh, well.


  453.  #455Senior Lady Vibe on October 5, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    @414: marina says:
    I just got home and found a parcel from the United States Postal Service!…”

    Yay! I love to get packages! Enjoy!

    You could check out ancestral patterns but you could also start where you are right now, today. It seems quicker. Those packages from Rori will help.

    Close the door on the other and walk into a clean room of your life.


  454.  #456Emerson on October 5, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    had breakfast with recycled and feel slightly disappointed. he does not show sympathy or support when I need it. I feel let down. wasted energy, is what it feels like.
    kinda got on a negative spin but did take a breath and speak my boundaries around some things, and he was surprised I think. I veered from the tools a bit and lost my therapeutic voice temporarily.

  455.  #457Emerson on October 5, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    i feel teary and non productive today.

  456.  #458Senior Lady Vibe on October 5, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    @430: English Woman says:
    Today at a charity shop I bought the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” for 10p (20c) and what an eye opener that has been as I read it on the train…………..I …”

    I remember reading that book! EW, it seems to me you get a lot of goodies at the thrift shops! So much fun.



  457.  #459Senior Lady Vibe on October 5, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    @457: Emerson

    (((((Hugs))))) 😀

    I’ve been spending time over at Ravelry again… (I did this last fall/winter too but didn’t do my project)

    All the ppl (mostly women but not all) seem to have joy and excitement. I vibrate to that beat. My DDIL does too.

    It’s therapeutic too… 😉



  458.  #460Emerson on October 5, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    thanks SLV what is DDIL

  459.  #461Susan on October 5, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    If I’m not mistaken, DDIL is Dear Daughter In Law

  460.  #462AmazingMe on October 5, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    @452 Esteemed…You know it is so amazing to me how we can be two totally different people and have gone though like the almost exact thing. I have a “Ryan” I will call him captain. So captain is who brought me here I was broken, terrified, and my dreams were crushed, I kept asking myself why I don’t let guys in I tried to push him away but he kept coming back. He insinuated a fake proposal like showing me rings a house and such. We he came back from over seas i thought that this was the one. Until he totally changed making not nice comments and just pushed away and pre rori I went nutz on him. I was so confused and heart broken. He said “I love you, but I am just not in love with you” there is so much more to it and everyday i cd and learn to love me with the help of Rori and you sirens. I deserve better sure I miss him, he is still around text me now and then but since i found my focus of me and my life it gets easier because girl WE DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!! XOXO

  461.  #463Senior Lady Vibe on October 5, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    @461: Susan

    Thanks, yes that’s it.

    @460: Emerson

    …and she ordered a book i saw from library… hmmm, she already owns a pile…

    Here’s a skirt from the book:

    An Affair To Remember



  462.  #464Senior Lady Vibe on October 5, 2011 at 8:09 pm

  463.  #465Mel on October 5, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    Awww… When I was lamenting about dating being a big crap shoot, my friend with BEEnefits said “Don’t sell yourself short. You are a prize!” So sweet of him to notice! 😉 LOL

  464.  #466la chiquita bonita on October 5, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Feel an intense urge to peek at a someones facebook page but I must not!! Ive gotta stand firm I want to move forward and let go of him… I will not look at his page! its just torture: I feel temted, anxious, mad, curious, nosy, suspicious, I feel nervous, I feel determined. I dont want to feel hurt, I dont want to feel attached, I have strength! My happy ever after is on that bridge and hes done in the gutter GOOD BYE!

  465.  #467AmazingMe on October 5, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Where is Daria???!!! Hope she is ok! Miss you lady and FW i have not heard much from you but I havent been on too much…blahhh

  466.  #468Esteemed on October 5, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    Amazing me,

    Thank you so much for sharing! That was fantastic! You said it all

  467.  #469English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    #380 Mel

    You are amazing!!!!

  468.  #470English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    #390 VW

    Soo soo jealous lol!! Not really, very happy for you. 🙂

  469.  #471English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    #418 sammi sighs

    So sorry to hear this sammi, I hadn’t even read the blog last night when I posted that letter at #430.

    Maybe I found it just for you!

    “Hey, Hot Stuff

    Can’t wait until you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope it’s soon. You’re way too tasty to be alone for long.

    Come find me. I’m out here waiting.

    Your Sweetie 😉

  470.  #472English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    #458 SLV

    Yes it’s a great thrift store – is that what you call them? Second hand stuff?

    All the paperbacks are only 10p each – amazing as yesterday I bought about 10!

    Last week I bought 6 necklaces for about $15! Some I am going to reconstruct, I love a bargain LOL!!

  471.  #473English Woman on October 5, 2011 at 10:56 pm

    #452 Esteemed

    Did you ever hear from Gar and that swimming pool rich guy again?

  472.  #474Tiffany on October 5, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    Thanks for all the supportive comments!

    To hear you guys say it, the guy sounds super toxic.

    Yay for getting rid of toxic men!

    Luckily, I was in no way attached to the outcome. I think I was just attached to HIM. Which is kind of odd to say after only a few days. But he really was there for me, and, well, it makes sense that I would get so attached to a guy if he’s toxic like that. Makes me want to scrape my skin with a spatula and take a hot shower. Ugh.

    Anyway. Next! is right. I have a lot of Next! to think about/pay attention to. I don’t even want this guy, if he ever does come back to me. No, thank you!

    Thank goodness for good people and massage to keep me sane and balanced.

  473.  #475Tiffany on October 5, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    oops – sorry for the multiple/redundant posts. I was posting from my phone earlier, and it gave me an error message~! oh well…

  474.  #476Tiffany on October 5, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    Esteemed – I was thinking about you and R. Wasn’t sure how you were doing, but then I saw your post in #452.

    And I had a thing all typed up somewhere, but I can’t find it. Basically, your story has made me think about something Carol Allen writes about, which is a take on CCarter’s “danger of a connection.” She goes one step further and talks about the danger of SPIRITUAL connection.

    It almost sounds to me like that might be what you have going on with R.

    And I’m only saying this because I know what it’s like. That’s what I had with my ex-fiancé, and that is why it has been sooooo hard to heal from that relationship. In fact, I’m not even sure that I have (five years later).

    It is also possible that I experienced a “spiritual” type connection with FND/Beach Man – even in just the past few days – and that’s why what happened yesterday and today was so hard on me.

    Even though, strictly speaking, he was a toxic man and clearly not good for me; I *know* I could never be happy with him. Same with my ex. I felt VERY strongly bonded to him. And yet, though it’s hard for me to admit, I think many other people could see that he would have been a toxic match for me.

    So, I don’t know what I am trying to tell you here. Only that it may help you to think about the type of connection that you are feeling, rather than focusing on R as the be-all and end-all of relationships. How do you know?

    Maybe he touched that “deep place.” But maybe you are the one who touched it yourself, in his presence. And now you think you need him to do it, but you don’t. That is why the “spiritual connection” is so “dangerous” and deceptive – it tricks us into thinking that that person is “the one,” when there could be many others out there who could treat us much better.

    You are a fabulous and fantastic siren. If he doesn’t want to be with you as much as you want to be with him, then he’s not what you need.

    But I also don’t really know your life, and I don’t know what or how anything is going to work out for you in the end. But I’m fairly certain that it will.


  475.  #477alias girl lol on October 6, 2011 at 12:40 am

    i just painted my nails a sparkly blue.

    i am continuing practicing my top secret rockstar experiments.

    i found TWO dance classes for upcoming. one sat and one on mon.

    i had a two day weirdness but now that’s passed and i feel very good about that!

    i may take a boat out to catalina this weekend! we’ll see.

    i feel good.

  476.  #478marina on October 6, 2011 at 2:02 am

    AGlol that sounds fabulous and like so much fun!
    I feel inspired!



  477.  #479Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 2:25 am

    Good morning, Sirens!

    Still didn’t sleep really well last night, woke up about 50 million times, getting hot flashes, not feeling comfortable in any position, thinking about stuff, etc. Arrrrgggg!!!! I wish I could have ONE night where I could sleep the whole night through without waking up! I feel so tired and peeved!

    It’s only 5h12 and I feel like I’m the only person on the planet, except for the people on the radio.

    F called me last night and I expressed some disappointment about something that will happen here this weekend. There’s going to be 4×4 races in the city, meaning there’s going to be tons of trucks and people, as if there were enough motor vehicles already. For such a small city, I’ve never seen so many cars. I came here from Montreal because I wanted to get away from that and because someone told me that it was a quiet city but it’s not. There are big signs all over the city saying that “This is a sustainable development city” – ah! it’s not!

    Anyway, he thought I was complaining while I was just expressing my feelings and I felt a little bit disappointed by that because that’s what my family does all the time too. Maybe my voice changes when I express my worry re. pollution, noise and stuff, maybe I sound like I’m complaining but I can’t help it if I get passionate about that!

    I feel bad this morning and I don’t know if I should bring this up or not when I see him tomorrow. On the one hand, I don’t want to get into an argument but on the other hand, I feel like I have to voice my opinions. I wish I could find the right words. 🙁

  478.  #480Lyka on October 6, 2011 at 2:32 am

    Tiffany, I’m happy you made the decision not to see him anymore. I’m proud of you, girl! You deserve someone who will hear you and understand you and support you.

  479.  #481Kath on October 6, 2011 at 2:55 am

    Hi Ladies,

    Its been a while since I was in touch and I’m sorry for that. I thought I was doing so well!- learning a lot from Rori and putting it into action- met a wonderful man and within six months says he wants to marry me. Suddenly though, something has changed, I feel that he is more distant and not head over heels anymore. He said two things recentlyn which have made me anxious and bring up all the old negative feelings again that I was trying hard to get rid of. He said that I was more intelligent than him and then he said that he felt like he was having to get permission to do things he wanted to do. Ooh did they ring alarm bells for me!- Its the same stuff as my x-boyfriend said!!- and yet he was a control freak!- I do not in way think of myself as the person I feel I am now being perceived as being and it feels horrible. I don’t want to see him right now- I don’t want to really talk to him- I feel like I just want to be myself- Is that wrong?- Is that confusing for him?- Would I be playing right into his hands if I do that because he may well be having second thoughts about how he feels about me- Oh dear!- I need your help Rori- This siren needs a hug and a good talking to!! xx

  480.  #482Daria on October 6, 2011 at 4:42 am

    Yay I’m back online at my house! and feeling lovely

  481.  #483Daria on October 6, 2011 at 4:52 am

    ella – i would have had to already know right since I have so many other activities and CD’s going on…

    for example, a CD at 9, um, howling at the moon at 11?


    so I couldn’t even accept something so vague but hey, he might call and I’ll already be wiht my 9 pm CD

    the misunderstanding – it’s not my fault! – (it’s not his fault either)…

    but either way Im busy busy busy!

    this mihgt not help you in what to say or anything, just sharing my perspective on how I want to handle future date proposals in my fun active life

  482.  #484AmazingMe on October 6, 2011 at 5:49 am

    Daria yay your back I have missed you!!! I have a CD tomorrow am sick but hopefully will be a bit better. I am nervous…help and my test is nest week!!! AGGHHH…ANXIETY, need your wisdom!!

  483.  #485Lowella on October 6, 2011 at 5:56 am

    Dear Rori,
    I am at a loss and dont know what to do. Please advise me. I have been in a very loving and beautiful relationship for about six months now. I already know that this is the man I have waited for my whole life. But i screwed up. A couple of days ago I had gone to my apartment for lunch. My neighbor across the hall heard me come home and immediately came over to ask for advise about his own relationship. He and his girlfriend had just gotten into a huge fight. Well, while we were sitting on my couch talking, there was a knock at the door. My neighbor instantly panicked, grabbed my arm to keep me from getting up and begged me not to answer the door. He just knew it was his girlfriend trying to find him and said she would get even angrier if she found him at my place. So I agreed to be quiet and wait for her to leave. Well after I got back to work, I discovered that it was my sweetheart that knocked on my door. He heard me talking to a man and left when he realized he had interrupted something. My big mistake was that I started out lying to him because I panicked myself. I knew what the situation must have looked like. But once I came to my senses, I couldnt stand the fact that I had lied to him and I came clean. I told him the truth and explained why I lied and that it was tearing me up inside that I had lied to him. But now the damage is already done. First of all I dont think he even believes me. Second, I have now lost his trusts. He is a man of integrity and a bit old fashioned which is just a couple of things I love about him. But this one incident caused him to break off our relationship. I am so heart broken I feel like I cant breathe. What can I do overcome this. I truly want a second chance with this man.

  484.  #486English Woman on October 6, 2011 at 6:39 am


    “That is why the “spiritual connection” is so “dangerous” and deceptive – it tricks us into thinking that that person is “the one,” when there could be many others out there who could treat us much better.”

    That was a very interesting post to Esteemed, do you have a link to where you read this kind of stuff. I though soulmates were supposed to be a good thing not bad. 🙁

  485.  #487English Woman on October 6, 2011 at 6:40 am

    OOps sorry Tiffany it was #476

  486.  #488English Woman on October 6, 2011 at 6:45 am

    #482 Daria!!

    No wonder you were missing you were on a plane!!

    Bet you are glad to be home, nothing like it…..sigh…..

  487.  #489Femininewoman on October 6, 2011 at 6:45 am

    Kath I would take his comments as subliminal messages to me to go back and look at my communication style. You can’t coddle his feelings but you can change the way you choose to communicate. You can also change your vibe because maybe something is in your energy that is resistant to his influence if he is feeling like he needs to ask for permission to do stuff. I would check myself to see what I am thinking or believing about things he wants to do.

  488.  #490Femininewoman on October 6, 2011 at 6:47 am

    EW Check out Carol Allen at

  489.  #491English Woman on October 6, 2011 at 6:47 am

    OK ladies please help this very nervous Siren to do the giving the man my phone number thing.

    I have a few prospective CD’s on POF but I don’t know how to approach it and obviously I have let the online message exchanges go on too long though at this stage none seem extra excited about seeing me lol, just general niceties………..mmm……

  490.  #492Femininewoman on October 6, 2011 at 6:59 am

    EW sorry. Use this

  491.  #493Femininewoman on October 6, 2011 at 7:02 am

    EW I would just give it. When I got over that and started giving it some guys never used it.

  492.  #494sammie sighs on October 6, 2011 at 7:03 am