Should You Date Someone Who Just Got Out Of A Long Term Relationship? – Coach Debra Darlen

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The Question:

What is your advice on dating someone who just got out of a long-term relationship?

I don’t want to feel like a rebound or be his pain reliever. Is it normal for men to move on quickly post break up?

The Answer From Coach Debra Darlen

Awesome question!! And…let’s drop the concept of ‘normal’…..no such thing…

Let’s start with: It all depends on the person.

What I would suggest….is simply….gently ever so gently …turning ‘away’ from those questions and suspicious minds eye…..and…

Consider….this for yourself…

Is he ….’your rebound’ relationship…?

Are you ….using him …as a ‘pain reliever’ …to heal….from an old relationship…?

As that is ALL that matters.

IF you are….drop that whole story for you…

We can not ‘use’ other people…only ourselves …can we ‘use’….by forcing ourselves or trying to force ourselves into acting or doing anything that is not natural for us….

Each person we date, come closer to, have sex with, or marry, is simply part of our heart journey….there is no ‘end game’……

In the hearts desire…the heart desires as it does….no standing in the way of that….

It is ‘timeless’……and the heart knows…what it wants…and all we can do is to always stay connected to ‘our heart’ ….and our ‘inner wisdom’……

The rest is easy….no problem….

Most people tend to ‘use’ their ‘old relationships as some sort of ‘comparison’ for what could ‘go wrong’ …

Instead of that…way of going….try on….what goodness, what joy, what skills you gained through the last relationship……

And ‘keep on’….as you continue to follow your heart…

Men do not typically take long at all, to move on from an old relationship …..Nor do women…..

People remarry before the ‘ink is dry’ on their divorce papers.

People leave existing partners and marriages for ‘someone else’ who is more suitable and compatible all the time.

What ‘matters’ is the natural, organic, authentic nature of the flow between you…

It either flows nicely and you feel good with that and so does he…or it does not…

Time is not of any essence….in love and relationship….

Simply move with your heart, experience the flow…and notice all the ‘reasons’ that seem to show up for you to put an ‘end to it’ or ‘look at him with suspicion’ for any reason….

The way we ‘view them’ is what ends up ruling the day….for us…

Love, Debra

Note from Rori: Debra Darlen is a brilliant coach who can help you immediately in the Siren School Membership, with one-to-one coaching in writing on the Siren Island Private Facebook Group, here: 

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