Siren Island Coach Teresa Clement On Circular Dating

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The Question:

How do I Circular Date when I’m in a long-term relationship where both our goals are marriage?

I feel like I’m betraying my love. I wouldn’t like it if his energy were going to other women.

Teresa’s Answer:

(You can find Teresa everyday on Siren Island, to get your own personal answers and coaching for your own personal situation, here->)

I find the term “Circular Dating” a little difficult, because it encompasses SUCH a broad range of ways to interact with others.

It might more accurately be called “Circular Interacting” or “Circular Flirting” or “Practicing being sensually attuned and emotionally expressive in the presence of men.”

The term “Circular Dating” is shorthand for all these things. 

Especially for those of us who have a (shall we say) Main Guy (even if he hasn’t completely sewed us up yet) — the “Circular Dating” concept doesn’t have to include a formal courtship structure.

I can completely do Circular Dating (as a Tool, as a practice) in “friendship-only” types of interactions with men.

The one thing to watch out for is: Am I shutting down sensually/sexually/emotionally in the presence of this person?

Many of us women do shut ourselves down in the presence of our male friends, colleagues, family members.

The goal is to stay emotionally and sensually open, in the presence of all these people, all the time.

Most of us feel weird about this practice, especially when we’re involved with someone we love.

Yet I assert that it’s GOOD FOR the primary relationship.

By allowing myself this experience, I am actually feeding the eroticism and sexual “charge” that exists between me and the man I really love.

Also – are you bargaining?

It sounds like you’re saying “I’m choosing to block out other men so that my partner will block out other women.” 

What’s that about?

These kinds of bargains often backfire. One reason is we often don’t communicate with our partners about the bargains we think we’re making.

Assumptions like “I’m making these specific choices in hopes that you will follow suit” can go unspoken for years, and often we discover our partner was operating from a different assumption.

Love, Teresa

From Rori:

This is the best explanation of Circular Dating I’ve ever heard: 

“Circular Dating encompasses SUCH a broad range of ways to interact with others, it might more accurately be called “Circular Interacting,” or “Circular Flirting,” or “Practicing being sensually attuned and emotionally expressive in the presence of men.”

The term “Circular Dating” is shorthand for all these things.”

Brava, Teresa!

You can work with Teresa on Siren Island here->  

…and hire her as your private coach here–>>

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on March 13, 2018 at 9:16 am

    Thank you Teresa for the reminder

  2.  #2Teresa Clement on March 18, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    Thanks, Femininewoman… and thanks for posting, Rori!! <3 <3

  3.  #3mary on June 8, 2018 at 4:03 pm


    I think I might have found my forever man!


    To you, Rori, and to all of you sirens, I am so happy! This guy just feels right to me.

    Oh my goodness, I told him that I wanted to be married and that I didn’t want to put pressure on him to propose, and that by not labeling our relationship, and that by not having sex now, I was able to continue to give him the best of me, now… and he said okay, he would wait.


    I couldn’t even believe I heard him, so I said, “You will?” And he said, “Absolutely. This is the real thing and I’m in. What is six months of waiting if I can have you for a lifetime?”

    Thank you Rori.

    I’ll be letting you know how it goes.

    (Tonight I actually have a date with someone else. Feels not so good! That guy is into me too…) But I’m going with the counter-intuitive mindset of circular dating, after studying it for years, and failing once, and that costing me 5-7 years… and I’m hoping for the ring. I think it will come this time.