Sometimes The Problem Is We Don’t Say Enough

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Here’s a guest post from my fantastic friend and amazing coach/therapist Todd Creager – who’s also my Monthly Interviewee for November (he sends out weekly tips like this – so I’ll publish a few of them. I love them – and be sure to go to his site and get your own for free):

by Todd Creager

This week is a continuation of developing those communication and empathy skills which are so important in any relationship.
Sometimes the problem is we do not say enough.

When your partner expresses something where he is in some sort of emotional pain, get specific about what it is like for him. In other words, use words to let your lover know that you understand where he’s coming from.

Here are 3 samples of communication; one is unproductive and provocative, the second is far better and ok but the third is far more impactful.

Example #1:

Partner 1: I am so hurt that you once again did not listen to me and went right to you and your stuff.

Partner 2: Well, you’re not the only one that is upset!

Example #2:

Partner 1: I am so hurt that you once again did not listen to me and went right to you and your stuff.

Partner 2: I hear that you are so hurt.

Example #3:

Partner 1: I am so hurt that you once again did not listen to me and went right to you and your stuff.

Partner 2: Yes, I hear that you are very hurt and that instead of staying with what was bothering you, I went to me.  I do that way too much and I can see how painful that is for you.  I am truly sorry.

If you were Partner 1, how would example # 3 impact you?

Here’s to getting the love you want,

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT
Relationship Therapist, Speaker, Author
Schedule your FR*EE 30 minute strategy session with Todd at (714)848-2288
Todd@ToddCreager.com
www.toddcreager.com

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1 Comments

  1.  #1Emoticon on November 3, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    If I were partner #1 …Example 3 would make me feel the need to consider his pain also, and also feel comforted that he apologized and acknowledges my pain.



  2.  #2Belle on November 3, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    Yuck. If my partner pulled a #3 on me, I’d feel manipulated and pandered to. I don’t want to make my partner wrong or for him to make himself wrong, I just want to hear, “My bad, I’m listening now. What’s up?”

    ~~~~
    In other news,
    you know how Rori says we should focus on our own lives and do something like take a pole dancing class?
    Guess who has TWO poles set up in her former living room right now???
    A friend of mine who used to teach asked if I would PLEASE let her set them up at my place and let her teach me.
    Hahaha!

    I feel yummy yum yumlicious right about now.
    Last week I went rollerskating, this next weekend I’m going on a trampoline jump, plus I signed up for a 3-month Nia package. I’m focused on my own life and feeling so grounded and good. My dreams have been amazing, multidimensional healing dreams…
    I’ve been asking for what I want even when it scares me
    I
    feel
    good.
    In my SOUL kind of good.



  3.  #3Goddess Lily on November 3, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Posting to get these to come to my email



  4.  #4MissStix on November 3, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    BAB (from other thread)

    I see you making such a big effort to really dive into this! You rock.

    And if you can, feel every little nuance of every feeling you feel during these interactions. Some significant learning exists there and real expansion can come from that place. You can pick and choose which feelings to express depending on what feels right to you. Gets you deep into the core of your being. It’s a great place to start from and will become natural after some practice. It’s also fantastic for pulling focus off the other person.

    Sometimes…I say nothing or just “ok” or just a smile or a full on FM. Whatever feels right. Also helps because I never, ever feel “wrong” or bad about how I behaved or what I said when I think about it later.

    Keep it up!
    <3



  5.  #5MissStix on November 3, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Hmmm and sometimes I slip for various reasons but that’s cool too. Love to me 🙂



  6.  #6April Rose on November 3, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Hmm. Now I’m confused.

    Smacks too much of ‘making it all about him’.

    Or maybe I’ve been withholding empathy?



  7.  #7April Rose on November 3, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Doubly confused because of this from Rori’s e-mail

    ” 9. Be very aware of what you’re focusing on – ask yourself – am I thinking about me and what I’m doing? Or am I listening to him – over where he is, and just experiencing?

    Your goal is to totally Stop Thinking, so as soon as you become aware you’re thinking about you and what you’re saying next or what the things he’s saying are bringing up in you, and then sort of bounce the ball of your attention over to where HE’S at – you’ll be AUTOMATICALLY experiencing.”



  8.  #8April Rose on November 3, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    To where HE’S at, Rori?

    Now I don’t understand the subtleties of level 2 listening, and balancing it with ‘keep the focus on me’.



  9.  #9April Rose on November 3, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    I can do that.

    I can put all my attention over there onto him.

    I was, however, trying to get out of that habit….

    Help, anyone???



  10.  #10Goddess Lily on November 3, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Equally confused as April Rose



  11.  #11April Rose on November 3, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    I can put my attention on him. In neutral. Like in refusing to be triggered or affected by his words.

    Is that what it means?



  12.  #12April Rose on November 3, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Belle,
    You sound great.

    Hi Emoticon,
    Made any butt-wigglin vids lately?

    Goddess Lily,
    You still confused? I sure am!



  13.  #13April Rose on November 3, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Miss Stix,

    “…I never, ever feel “wrong” or bad about how I behaved or what I said when I think about it later.”

    Like. 🙂



  14.  #14April Rose on November 3, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    I’m starting to come around to ‘being myself’ after many months of full-on implementing of how I think the tools need to be implemented!

    Boy, does it feel relieving to allow my rough edges out to play!



  15.  #15Emoticon on November 3, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Hey April Rose, i havent but i have been yearning to… maybe this week i will



  16.  #16Butterfly Wings on November 3, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Hi everyone. Just popping in quickly before I have to go and do what one does on a Sunday…

    TH returns late tonight and for those of you not on Siren Island, he was begging me to not move on from him and let him talk to me first.

    I basically told him that I’m done. I need words and affection and if he can’t give me that, then maybe we’re just not meant for each other. I can’t live without that. I don’t want to.

    And thanks to NWG I was able to get my power back – I could see that there were other options out there, and I guess that came through in my vibe. TH was convinced I’d already moved on and met somebody else.

    NWG, while fun, is definitely NOT someone I could see myself moving on with. It was nice to lust after him a bit, but after being out with him on Friday night I’ve realised that choosing him over TH would be a lot like jumping out of the frypan and into the fire. Eeek! lol

    But in saying that, he WAS a complete gentleman and didn’t try anything that would’ve got me (or him!) into any trouble! haha!

    I feel happy right now, I feel unsure about what to do about TH, but am ok with just waiting and seeing what he has to say when he gets back.

    He’s asked me to pick him up tonight but I’ve not fully decided if I will yet…



  17.  #17Goddess Lily on November 3, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    BW – Feeling very impressed with your experience with NWG.



  18.  #18Goddess Lily on November 3, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    P.S. I survived skydiving. I may NEVER do it again. I had a crappy instructor who spent all his time eating rather than giving me any instruction. No one told me how to breathe falling at 120 mph. I actually had no problem with the heights or the fear of dying falling from a plane. I had more of an issue just breathing. Had I not heard some other girl talking about her experience and how she had to breathe through her mouth, I might’ve passed out or thrown up…whichever came first. Any even then breathing through my mouth started to not be good enough. I felt so panicky and the best part is that I bought the video so now my panicking was captured on video…..at a hefty price. Also, jumping when its nearly winter was a bad idea. Oh well, it was an experience….and I’m a more interesting siren for it. 😉 That’s been my conversation piece all day.



  19.  #19Goddess Lily on November 3, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Beautiful sirens,

    Match.com is just starting to pick up….I mean really pick up. I have been emailing back and forth with 5 guys all day. Two have asked for my number already. One talked about the five love languages. Ours are actually in the exact same order. I feel so excited (Insert excited squeal here) and a bit apprehensive and overwhelmed like what do I do with all this attention. And oddly, one guy is very tall and the first thing I thought was maybe I should pass him to my tall friend. Why would I get rid of a perfectly good man just because my friend is tall and has a harder time meeting people?

    Anyway, back to feeling giggly and girly….I like this! Enjoying the moment!



  20.  #20Daria on November 3, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    i’m feeling desperate



  21.  #21Daria on November 3, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    i feel bummed



  22.  #22R.N.AmazingMe on November 3, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Hello sirens how are you beautiful people



  23.  #23R.N.AmazingMe on November 3, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    Daria why so down? Desperate?



  24.  #24Goddess Lily on November 3, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    ((((Daria))))



  25.  #25Daria on November 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    feeling better

    a CD is gonna come see me and he’s skypinw me right now



  26.  #26Daria on November 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    R. N. amazing – thanks, i mighta been eating food not good for me and got triggered by people too



  27.  #27Daria on November 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Goddess Lily – thanks! (((((Goddess Lily))))



  28.  #28R.N.AmazingMe on November 3, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Great that sounds good Daria Skype away haha



  29.  #29R.N.AmazingMe on November 3, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    You know really I just must be too nice to people so tired of getting crapped on when I have good intention and good heart



  30.  #30R.N.AmazingMe on November 3, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    I try to reach out but I am not going to be a doormat. I have my own problems we all have to deal with problems but at the end of the day we are all not that different. At the end of the day we all want happiness. Love and respect and live a great life with our family and those we love. We all the same thing but in our own way.



  31.  #31Daria on November 3, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    thank you Daria for doing that T-Tapp move and getting my heartrate up

    yay!



  32.  #32Goddess Lily on November 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    I think I might’ve talked away the interest of one of my new online CDs. Trying to not to put too much stock into it….but it’s hard. I’m taking it personal. He seemed to lose interest quickly. Or this is all in my head. Oh well, still learning.



  33.  #33Tereana on November 3, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Uh…yeah, or too much! Lol



  34.  #34Butterfly Wings on November 3, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    17 Goddess Lily – thank you – I’m liking it too! 😉

    And go you for the skydive! Wow! Even though it wasn’t the best experience, I admire your courage. 🙂



  35.  #35MissStix on November 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    AR 7

    This looks like e xactly what I was saying in my post to BAB. Just different words. Different view. By experiencing (feeling) without “thinking” much of anything it IS surprisingly easy to open and really hear the other person. The thoughts of “what do I say???” disappear because you don’t really *have* to say anything.

    Becoming open to where he’s at through eperiencing (focus on your own feeling) rather than thinking.

    That’s my take. But I go a step further with even less focus on where he’s at. Because compassion is natural to me I choose to allow it to simply exist. I feel resistant to expand that part of me…It feels overwhelming enough already. I feel it, and let it show, but I no longer go overboard expressing it.



  36.  #36MissStix on November 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Goddess lily

    Wow…Sounds exhilarating! 🙂 Breathtaking 😉 har har



  37.  #37Tereana on November 3, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Goddess Lily – skydiving! That sounds so amazing. I wish I’d done that about ten years ago, when I felt like I really wanted to. I could do it now, too. But I have a feeling it won’t be the same. Because at the same time that I’ll get a big “rush” out of it, I’m sure I’ll feel overwhelmed by all the sensations, and exhausted after. So I’m kind of meh on the idea. But if it came up, I might try it. So thanks for posting – its good to know that about the breathing!



  38.  #38MissStix on November 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    I just read the post lol

    hmmmm I have never had an issue like this. I kind of see that we have very good communication in our relationship. I’m finding it difficult to relate to this post…

    I feel happy about that. I believe this means I am doing a great job of keeping my focus on my own feelings without diminishing his thoughts or feelings. My approach must be just exactly right for me and us.



  39.  #39MissStix on November 3, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    I truly believe that actually experiencing and listening and hearing and speaking only when it feels right and coming fro
    an authentic place conveys empathy and understanding.

    If think…If it became necessary to verbalize the fact that I “hear” someone and “feel” them then I must not actually BE hearing them and feeling them. When you truly are present and experiencing and understanding it is written all over you. There won’t be a need to explain “Hey, I hear you and feel you…”.



  40.  #40Daria on November 3, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    thank you Daria for doing yummy EFT for me



  41.  #41Daria on November 3, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    I hear that you are tired and that I’m arguing with you. I do that way too much and I can see how bothersome that is for you. I am truly sorry.

    omgosh feels so scary to say

    🙁

    boooh

    i feel sad

    i don’t know that i can handle ‘feeling blamed’ like that



  42.  #42R.N.AmazingMe on November 3, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    Seems pointless to argue about something I have no memory of so I let go



  43.  #43R.N.AmazingMe on November 3, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    One of biggest lessons in life was to learn to let go of control and the fear of the unknown which yes the unknown is still scary just not as consuming of me. I dunno I am tired of the fight…do we really have to fight for everything in life? Is that how this works like being a 32 year old female is new for me.ha



  44.  #44Daria on November 3, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    RN Amazing Me – no we don’t, but for me who thats what i’m used to, it feels challenging to keep on rememebering not to (fight)



  45.  #45LoveAlways on November 3, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Wow, I felt answer #3. I would just add a feeling message because id honestly feel more than sorry.



  46.  #46LoveAlways on November 3, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    This siren has sexy thighs, I feel warm and silky like soft butter on a hot cob of corn . . . Yeah, like that



  47.  #47Daria on November 3, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    lol thanks Love Always i just said that one to my CD on the phone



  48.  #48LoveAlways on November 3, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Fire does wonders for my feminine energy. I feel balanced but rising in power. That’s the phoenix siren in me rising



  49.  #49LoveAlways on November 3, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    Daria – cooooool! I love it girl!!



  50.  #50LoveAlways on November 3, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Its a Saturday night and I don’t feel lonely! LOVE TO ME!! I feel strong on my own legs, yet vulnerable as all heck, I feel trimbly but solid on the inside, my breaths are deep and fulfilling and sustaining. I am, deep inside, okay. I listened to commitment blueprint since Friday and made it to step five. I can’t wait to get to the queen Esther experience. Its all good sirens, im just happy not to be in my pits for a consecutive bunch of hours



  51.  #51LoveAlways on November 3, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    I listen to music all the time everywhere, kind of like theme music for a sexy siren movie character . . . Not quite a super hero, not quite like a james bond girl, lol, like a female Austin powers, lol, shag baby, lol, I feel giggly



  52.  #52LoveAlways on November 3, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Wow, im just opening up to all my feelings. These are not even moods anymore, just raw feelings



  53.  #53LoveAlways on November 3, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    You can’t make a man want to be a better man
    you can inspire him but he has to DO SOMETHING. I feel frustrated and angry with men you don’t DO. For whatever reason. I realized that is one thing I always admired about cdarmy . . . He is a DOer to his very core. Serious masculine energy, and its from his core. That is why I expect men to naturally be DOers, because I spent years loving one. Im okay with this judgment because I real it is healed now, and I can move on in life, but I feel honest admitting I like that trait in men and it makes me feel turned on, safe and s3xy. I feel bad loving a man who does not DO. Huuuggggssss to me for embracing the true ugly feelings. And now im going to drop the thoughts and just float in my feelings



  54.  #54Emerson on November 3, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Re: response #3 I don’t think it’s making it all about him, to me my first thought was it sounds like reflective/active listening which most people are not naturally in tune with…including myself 🙂



  55.  #55Emerson on November 3, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    I feel this is good advice and I want to be a better active listener.



  56.  #56Emerson on November 3, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    Hi sirens its great to read all your comments I feel uplifted

    I am reinventing my life dreams
    I still want the same things
    Maybe I just need to dare to ask for them…



  57.  #57Emerson on November 3, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    Hmm i need to get back in practice with Roris tools like waterwheel and I’m all that… I’m going to practice at work tomorrow



  58.  #58LoveAlways on November 3, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    I am enjoying this peaceful time alone. I am actually thinking a bit, but feeling good. Actually, no, its that thoughts are popping up in my head like paths in the wizard of oz . . . That dazzling brick road leading to adventures and sorrows. I choose not to go down not one road. Not traverse one mental brick. No, this phoenix siren chooses to fly above it all and play in the wind where my feelings flow against ny outstretched wings. Dig the visual yall



  59.  #59LoveAlways on November 3, 2012 at 11:56 pm

    Feeling warmed and sure



  60.  #60LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 12:14 am

    Yes, I am sure in my heart
    I feel genuine
    I feel the truth rising in me like smoke
    This is his lose, not mine
    I am the powerful one
    Its feminine energy
    Its all I have
    This energy is all me and mine
    And I feel alive and breathing
    I feel the force of air in my lungs
    Cleansing me with the feeling
    Purging me with feeling
    Healing me with feeling
    Binding all these feeling into strength
    And the truth
    That this is indeed his loss
    And I can do nothing but lean back
    And step away into the light
    Leaving him in his own shadow
    I feel safe that his self imposed darkness
    Is beyond my control
    I feel the warmness of light
    I feel heavy
    I feel light
    I feel safe



  61.  #61LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 12:17 am

    Letting go in a different way
    In a siren way
    Feels open



  62.  #62LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 12:22 am

    Can’t put these feelings into a feeling message right now. I’m just embracing the emotional soup
    Flowing, not thinking anymore
    Just feeling and floating in my soup
    Be surprised
    Bring it universe
    I’m here
    I’m leaning way back
    And there is strength down in me
    from my vjj to my ears
    And I feel it good



  63.  #63LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 12:27 am

    Yes, im letting go of my heart grip and falling free into the wing like a dandelion blown on a precious desperate wish
    See me float up, out and away
    I feel fluffy and powdery



  64.  #64R.N.AmazingMe on November 4, 2012 at 12:27 am

    Its late not sleeping on overnight schedule and I feel like just .. Bah



  65.  #65R.N.AmazingMe on November 4, 2012 at 1:12 am

    Ok let’s be real I am being honest with myself and gonna vent. Yes I am not perfect but confident and insecure. I am corny and loving and too observant. Sometimes not observant enough. I am hard headed and heavy hearted. I am content and uneasy, afraid and fearless. I have trouble finding a middlground. I am one extreme to the next. I love helping others and caring but lazy. I want someone to love all of me but selfish in my way. I want the best for my kids but have a hard time being the role model. I want the spotlight but no one to look at me. I want to share my love but not sure how anymore. I am mad at myself for taking crumbs from time to time. I hate that I feel like giving up. I feel very grounded and grown..immature and old.young and free no worries…careless and regrets. Blessed and angry..i don’t want ur pitty I have enough of my own. I will never be who I once was good or bad. I am me learning acceptance and hoping for forgiveness



  66.  #66Vi on November 4, 2012 at 1:03 am

    I feel amazed at my inner boy! Today he took me out for a dance class and waxing and did my nails 🙂 mmm I love this red! Feels so sexy and bright! I feel loved and taken care of!



  67.  #67Vi on November 4, 2012 at 1:09 am

    I feel squeezed to make a 5 sec gaze. and I feel amused to notice that and also my jaw feels tightened when I think about it…. and this squeezy feeling feels more like excitement actually hehe ..Yay!!



  68.  #68Daria on November 4, 2012 at 2:30 am

    i think CD is bisexual but or else a sign that makes him feminine – Scorpio – seen it before

    not used to having this sign close to me as a man

    i feel uncomfortable

    im gonna ask him if he’s bi i feel concerned he’s gonna be hurt

    oh yeah he’s a man he can handle it

    i feel – i have a fear of having a bi guy marry me and then leave or have man relationships on the under

    i suspect all my guys of bieng gay

    i find it hard to tolerate their female side… most of the time… or maybe i LOve it otherwise… not sure… i fele confused



  69.  #69Daria on November 4, 2012 at 2:45 am

    ok i asked him and he said he’s not bisexual



  70.  #70R.N.AmazingMe on November 4, 2012 at 2:50 am

    My gaydar is broken it’s hard to tell anymore but I find nothing wrong with gay or bi people. To each is own but if I am not sure I ask a man. I figure u shouldn’t be ashamed. But I am just forward I guess but I would hate if I offended someone for it. I am feeling maybe I am insensitive in a lot of ways. It’s just my environment and how i was raised very forward rough around edges with a soft heart. Babbling..blah



  71.  #71R.N.AmazingMe on November 4, 2012 at 2:51 am

    I miss looking in his eyes and feeling safe and loved.



  72.  #72R.N.AmazingMe on November 4, 2012 at 2:52 am

    I miss how he looked at me as if he knew me so much more than I knew myself. How I was feeling, love, hurt, sad, happy. He smiled and it meant something. he saw me to the core



  73.  #73R.N.AmazingMe on November 4, 2012 at 2:58 am

    That is the best feeling in the world to feel that for someone. Scary and exciting, feeling the love they have for you without a word said. Knowing he doesn’t look at anyone the way he looks at you. You need no words or reassurance because his eyes speak his heart.



  74.  #74R.N.AmazingMe on November 4, 2012 at 3:01 am

    That feeling is what drives us all, i think in the end that is what we all want. It’s not just butterflies or lust it is that feeling that lasts forever no matter your with them or not. That is my idea of a soulmate.



  75.  #75Daria on November 4, 2012 at 3:33 am

    when i was looking in his eyes it said ‘lizard, woman, strange long eyelashness’

    i feel unvomfortable

    im reading it as bi…

    actions are male enuf, in many ways very male but

    when i go still it seems female maybe..?

    im not used to scorpios is that what it is? i saw it in another scorpio hmm

    we so not on the same wavelength communication is so off and we are both practicing

    he wants to see me again tomorrow during the day

    he wants to skype and call and so much stuff

    hmm



  76.  #76Daria on November 4, 2012 at 3:34 am

    i feel good w him



  77.  #77Goddess Lily on November 4, 2012 at 3:39 am

    36-MissStix,

    Haaahahaahahaa



  78.  #78Goddess Lily on November 4, 2012 at 3:53 am

    I feel silly, like a immature boy obsessed teen. 24 hours ago there were no men. Now although there are many, I’m already overthinking about what I did wrong with just one. This feels crappy. I think I started to think about him more because he said the magics words “wife and kids.” So now I feel like I’ve lost a good man….when in reality I don’t know this man at all. We could have absolutely no chemistry or nothing in common. Didn’t take long at all for me to create a fantasy out of a few words. He’s thinking of moving here for work from the other side of the country. It just started to feel easy….too easy maybe. It was much easier to feel goddess-y when there were no men around that I wanted.

    I can’t deny that I do want marriage and kids. And I can’t deny that I don’t want to have to have kids later in life….no matter how many women that works for, it’s not what I want. So how do I correct this immediate switch that I did from goddess to stereotypical woman of my age? I feel fear that my vibe will change again with the next guy who sounds remotely promising.

    Help sirens! What do you think? How do I correct this?



  79.  #79MissStix on November 4, 2012 at 4:50 am

    All of my practices feel natural. I feel desires for something new to practice.

    Mmm I finally expressed confidently my writing as a hobby. Yes. Felt good. Felt like offering myself proper respect. Yum. Props to me! I probably write a combined total of 4 hours a day between journal and blog. Include the time spent reflecting and contemplating what to write and that brings it up to a full 8 hours a day during the week. I write more than I work, or photograph. There will be a moment when I shift this from hobby styles to career styles but I feel determined not to be determined in that and allow it to simply unfold into existance in it’s own time.

    For now, I feel curled up and content. I feel ahhhh and oh amazed to have this recognized and not feel judged as killing time.



  80.  #80MissStix on November 4, 2012 at 4:55 am

    It is 10 to 5 am and I don’t work till 7 but the time shift is effecting my sleep. Meaning…I can’t! Sigh.



  81.  #81Turquoise on November 4, 2012 at 5:06 am

    Hi Sirens. Feeling sad. Mr. Conversation and I had a big fight yesterday. We aren’t talking now and he in friended me on Facebook. Yesterday I felt mostly irritated, but this morning I feel sad. Not sure we can work it out. I’ll miss him if we don’t. I will see him this afternoon at an event. Going to be hard and even embarrassing because we are always together at these events. People will notice.



  82.  #82Turquoise on November 4, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Unfriended



  83.  #83MissStix on November 4, 2012 at 5:10 am

    (((turquoise)))



  84.  #84Turquoise on November 4, 2012 at 5:36 am

    Thank you miss stix. 🙁



  85.  #85Goddess Lily on November 4, 2012 at 5:41 am

    (((Turquoise)))



  86.  #86coco kisses on November 4, 2012 at 6:01 am

    Well my dearest sirens, I have officially filed for divorce. I felt very sad the first day. Sad and embarressed, and relieved all at the same time. After praying, leaning back, and waiting to see if my husband was going to step up, it became crystal clear that he was in fact NOT planning on working on the marriage. He started making excuse after excuse as to why he didn’t have time to come over and do the marriage programs. I told him that the excuses didn’t feel good, they felt bad, and painful, and that I wasn’t trying to control him or force him into doing something he didn’t want. From that day forward he stopped calling me and I haven’t heard from him since. My cell phone broke, so I emailed him that I was going to file for divorce. I got no reply. When my phone was working again I text him, hey did you get my email. His reply was “yep it is what it is”…..I’m not even anrgy about it. At this point I’m just trying to grasp the life lessons, search my soul, and get healing. I want to be a better woman.

    It is easy in a situation like this to wonder what is so unlovable about ME that my husband wanted to stop having sex with me(never really did), but I can’t do that. I believe that I am a very beautiful woman, with a full life. Being sexually rejected hurts from time to time, and I really am going to need to fully heal that area of my soul before I can be sexually intimate with another man. Thank you all for your loving words and support through this journey of letting go of an unhealthy relationship. ~ Coco

    Good news is that I have opened myself to talk to other men and that feels good, and sometimes scary, but there are a few interesting guys who seem to be interested in me.~ Coco



  87.  #87MissStix on November 4, 2012 at 6:04 am

    (((coco)))

    We’re here for you! <3



  88.  #88CurvySiren10 on November 4, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Turquoise, what happened?!? Things were feeling so solid with you two… I feel sad to hear this. 🙁

    Sending lots of hugs…



  89.  #89Heart on November 4, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Went to a party tonight. Met a guy…he seemed interesting….he tookmy phone up and got my number…lol..awwr. I liked that..
    Also this other guy asked me for my number but I didnt give him it. I just didnt feel interested. I don’t feel like Cding….I want to date someone I like/feel into…I’m have conversations as a form of cding for now.

    I need to feel inspired.



  90.  #90Heart on November 4, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I miss CudG…Wow he is like a foggy blur right now.



  91.  #91Ulii on November 4, 2012 at 7:55 am

    @ Goddess Lily 18

    Wow!!! Skydiving! How impressive is that!!!! 🙂 I get afraid & dizzy even jumping into the wanter from 3 m high (done it once only).



  92.  #92Smile on November 4, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Still got ex on my brain! Hm, I’m actually enjoying remembering though.

    Had a lovely walk in the countryside. It’s been a busy weekend. I’ve focused on me and done no work which feels good.



  93.  #93Heart on November 4, 2012 at 8:13 am

    I feel a little grouchy…
    I feel rebellious…
    I feel like saying
    the
    Rori
    Raye
    Approach
    just does Not Work…

    It just drives men away…and then after the men are gone
    everyone is like “he just was not that into you”…
    Ok…whatever…Then whats the point of all this…Just wait for s guy thats’s supposedly really into you and can not be driven away?
    If that’s the criteria for a man – then None of these tools are necessary…
    I’m starting to feel like I’ve fallen into some femininity cult…

    I must voice these things…I must get this out there…
    I feel scared I upset sirens…but I’m re-evaluting and I feel a bit frustrated and unsure at the moment…



  94.  #94Smile on November 4, 2012 at 8:13 am

    ((coco))

    ((turquoise))



  95.  #95Smile on November 4, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Goddess lily! Wow! I remember the thrill 13years ago doing this. I couldn’t do it now. Your very brave.



  96.  #96Heart on November 4, 2012 at 8:17 am

    I was really triggered by Example 3….I feel icky…I feel like – no no I don’t want a relationship like that…

    Sounds so Contrived…sounds insincere…
    sounds like 2 robots talking to each there…
    I feel so turned off…I don’t want Robot love!



  97.  #97Smile on November 4, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Heart, I hear you.

    Whilst I don’t have the relationship I want (yet) I feel like I’ve grown as a person exploring all this stuff.



  98.  #98Heart on November 4, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Smile – I agree…the inner work is great

    but
    at the end of the day I would like to have the relationship I want too…

    ps…i feel asleep yesterday but when ur ex ekailed u after the holiday…what did u say?



  99.  #99Smile on November 4, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Heart, Sometimes I think can I want too much? Is it unrealistic? Still exploring this one… I just want to feel happy.

    Ex asked if I’d had a nice time, so I told him I did. I didn’t mention about meeting up I thought he would ask in his next message but that never came. It’s been 2 months now.

    I have 3 exs, 2 of which I still have feelings for.

    I’m not looking for closure but I’m finding it hard still having attraction there.

    With my ex of 10 years I still speak to him but the attraction has faded. I’ve moved on.

    I don’t feel this way with my other 2 exs yet. In a small way I still wonder…

    I need to start dating and meet new men. I’m getting round to it but I need to make it a priority this week.



  100.  #100Linda on November 4, 2012 at 8:43 am

    THis post has good advise. It takes practice to communicate like that. I have applied it to my life for years. I have found it defuses lots of potentially volitle situations. I grew up in a house of blamers and yellers. I hated it. I will make one statement on a deeper level. Communicating this way does not always represent my feelings underneath and that can present quite a problem. You can be calm on the outside and all flamed on the inside. So it wont work or you end up coming off like a real fake and a un settled mess on the inside.

    —-

    On my CDing front. I was asked out again by BoringCD. Wanted me to come to his house, watch a footballgame and have pizza. I just not manufacture the energy to do it. I really an NOT into football and was not hungry and really NOT into him. I gave myself permission to tell the truth. I told him I had decided to go home (had been with my Mom for her birthday by his house). I also said I appreciated his offer but I am really not into football and not even feeling hungry. There was a long silent pause… Oh, ok. So I went home and chilled. I felt good for being true to me.

    Later in the evening I got to emailing on the website with a man I feel mildly interested in. He called me and wanted to know if I would come out and meet him. It was late but I did. It felt fun to do something so spontaneous and was energizing. After meeting him I am not sure what to think. He is handsome, 4 years older than I, well-off, lives in a very expensive area of my city on the water, has the same core beliefs… but, there is something off. I did feel like there was a great potential for connection but it kept feeling like an “interview” ! I practiced listening, being honest. I had fun but my comfort level with him did not increase. He gave me a little peck goodbye and called me before I even reached home. We talked a bit more on the phone and went to bed at 1AM. I had a disturbing dream me being awakened by him coming into my bedroom and climbing into bed with me. I was NOT cool with him doing that in the dream and felt scared that he had found where I had lived and broken into my house when I had not even shared my last name personal email or where I lived. HMMM Something is off about him and my dream just confirmed it to me. I am going to let this gel in me and see what he has triggered and what the deal is with him. He focused alot on his unsatisfying intimate relationship he had with his wife for 22 years (I had one of those kind of marriages too) His conversation was too focused on it though and I feel my dream was a direct result of some red flags that I got when he was “oversharing”.

    Gotta love circular dating. How else would I learn this stuff about me otherwise.

    I even felt bold enough to ask if I passed his interview. HAHA Probably should not have said that outloud, but what the heck right? That is what I felt like he was doing. There was a connection but not emotional… just informational and fact finding.



  101.  #101Linda on November 4, 2012 at 9:04 am

    I am growing into a better version of myself. I am more honest. Getting back to me and using some of these tools here has made that possible.

    I dont know or profess to be good at this stuff, I just feel more authentic and able to express that with the man infront of me.

    That is a good thing ! I would love to have a relationship, but right now I am focusing on me and the part I bring to one. I feel concern that I am NOT feeling chemistry with ANY of the men I am meeting. Even the ones I have felt attracted to in email and telephone conversation. I feel concern that I have a closed heart or wounds or I dont know what that is blocking attraction in person.

    I in some ways miss my last relationship man. Healthy or unhealthy feelings I dont know. Something is stuck. I have expressed my feelings to one of my daughters and my mom and they both say seem MAD at me. Imply that there is something wrong with me. That makes me feel stupid, and sad.



  102.  #102Heart on November 4, 2012 at 9:15 am

    #99 – Smile – did u say u were happy to hear from him? At any rate…he’s not moving forward for his own reasons..I suppose but I can understand your feeling….seems a bit unresolved.



  103.  #103Smile on November 4, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Heart, yes he knows I would have loved to have had a drink. He said he wanted to stay in touch and did the initiating. Which is why I’m wondering. Yes it feels unresolved. Oh well I’ll keep riding on my horse.



  104.  #104Luzydel on November 4, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Lately I have been letting my feelings Be; even the bad ones; I see the last less if I just let them be without making myself feel guilty for feeling in certain way. Lately I have had the feeling of disliking people, their “fakeness”, their hypocrisy etc. maybe I still have a bit of a control freak inside me and want to make people my way, who knows… Now I am feeling lonely, like I am green in a world of blue. Like there is noone else like me. I want to go on dates again, but noone asks me out and even when I am smiley and open, besides the regular hello, men don’t go further. I am resisting online dating, but the lack of approaches in the outside world is pushing me to be tempted to make another profile. I want someone unique, smart, one of a kind man… I want more than a body to warm my bed…



  105.  #105Femininewoman on November 4, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Smile I would ask myself why am I wondering? Is it because I have nothing else going on and was so invested? I have been reading and I believe in the moment he asked for the drink that was how he was feeling. That moment has since changed. So has his feelings and maybe you are living in the past?



  106.  #106Janie Baby on November 4, 2012 at 10:02 am

    hey sirens, can anyone help me with this?
    i’m struggling with the idea of remaining true to your feelings and being authentic about them, but then also the idea of letting go of anger in ar elationship and being open and warm when he comes back.
    How do i incorporate both?
    I want to be fun and open when he comes back but I feel angry that we don’t talk/see each other every single day because he wants some free time. How do i remain free and happy? i used feelingmessages about how i feel lonely but then i come off needy and always feels like i’m angry when i finally do see him throghout the week. don’t know what to do with these two ideas.



  107.  #107Femininewoman on November 4, 2012 at 10:06 am

    (((((((((Coco Kisses)))))))))). I feel your strength



  108.  #108Ulii on November 4, 2012 at 10:10 am

    @81 Turquoise

    So sad to hear that!

    (((Turquoise)))

    What was the fight about?



  109.  #109Femininewoman on November 4, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Turquoise I would look at what I said to him to see if I could have been disrespectfull in any way.



  110.  #110sunflower on November 4, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I am begining to feel tired with this new CD who has contacted me online, chatted on the ph. and ended the conversation with ‘let us meet for coffee this week’. Then I don’t hear from him till 2 weeks later. He gets back on text to say hi and check how I am, and then adds yet again- ‘this week we must meet for coffee”, saying he will call and fix”. And that was a week ago. I am sure he will call again, but I don’t know- I am not feeling good about these ‘up in the air date suggestions with no concreet plan. Doesn’t make me feel being treated like siren, And he has already done this twice. I want to express my feeling….but feeling clueless what to say, in an authentic feminine way? Any suggestions please? Thankyou..:)



  111.  #111Ulii on November 4, 2012 at 10:18 am

    @ 86

    (((((Coco Kisses)))))



  112.  #112Smile on November 4, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Hi FW, I saw him drive past me yesterday which made me wonder. Before that I hadn’t given him much thought.
    I do still have feelings for him though. He has a girlfriend now anyway, but it would have been nice for us to have met for the drink.

    My life is full of plans for me, in fact I need to plan in some more alone, me time. I’m feeling a little too busy.

    I’m working on my dating profile and strummingman man is still on the scene.

    I’m pretty sure once the weekend is done and I’m back at work tomorrow, I’ll be over my ‘pining’

    It has felt nice though and reminded me how I want to be treated in a lot of ways that strummingman never did.



  113.  #113sunflower on November 4, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Heart@93, I hear what you are saying, and it resonates with my own feeling of confsuion, and lost feeling if this really working beyond my inner growth.

    I find it more the case with older. mature men, who after a point- just don’t lean forward, they don’t chase, and also leanback – then go. And yes, one is left with he is ‘just not that into you’



  114.  #114Smile on November 4, 2012 at 10:37 am

    I’m feeling a little nervous about online dating but I think it’s an exciting nervous.



  115.  #115Silver Moonbeam on November 4, 2012 at 11:13 am

    #113 Sunflower

    I have been experiencing the very same thing and have taken my profile down for the moment as I feel lost and confused.



  116.  #116Daria on November 4, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Janie – love Scripts had a part on this.

    Basically Rori had the woman say ‘I feel angry’ and still open her arms and allow herself to be hugged

    It’s taken me awhile to get that ‘closing off’ is not how anger is expressed (necessarily) and that I could feel angry yet stay open to the person’s affection.

    One way I do this in my family that’s been working for me is to pretend the person that truggered the anger is a whole different person, and do express myself and allow myself to be touched as if the person with me had nothing to do with it.



  117.  #117Smile on November 4, 2012 at 11:28 am

    I love the unknown



  118.  #118Daria on November 4, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Sunflower – awe here’s some hugs from me. ((((sunflower))))

    Your comment had me burst into laughter cuz I have not experienced that particular perception and it feels amusing to think how everyone projects on their particular trigger group. For example I may have said younger, experienced men don’t step up, etc. I feel reassured and am prepared to heal my perceptions.



  119.  #119Turquoise on November 4, 2012 at 11:34 am

    No FW, not disrespectful. He was saying that I had no right to be upset about what he did because I wasn’t his wife. I wasn’t being difficult or demanding, but that regardless if I had the right to or not, I didn’t like this particular thing. He got mad and started right in with how he thinks I believe us hanging out is leading to marriage. I don’t think that and he was already really stressed about something else. I said the conversation wasn’t getting us anywhere, I won’t keep explaining myself, goodbye and hung up. He texted me that’s fine, and that was it. He didn’t come to the event today either, so no dealing with it.



  120.  #120Smile on November 4, 2012 at 11:34 am

    1. Don’t TRY to forget him!

    2. Just put him on the back of your horse (I write a lot about riding your horse across the landscape of your life and believing it knows the way to your Happy Ever After…you’ve probably seen some posts or articles) – and ride off!

    3. Turn him into your “muse” – with lessons to give you and messages to deliver to you.

    4. Make him your assistant.

    5. Make him useful to you!

    6. And then – he’ll just fade, or fall off the horse – and FOR SURE – another man will show up and they you’ll forget you ever used to think about him so much – and still – he might never go away completely.

    A few of the men who were significant in my life still visit me in my dreams. I believe they’re there to remind me of things, to bring me gifts, to give me strength and insight…to help me.

    I let them help me.

    Just think of yourself as full of love for everyone and everything, and that you’re big enough to contain love even for him…and that’s the antidote to fear and pain around it.

    You can do this! Love, Rori

    Karen answered me back:

    “Okay, I feel that I can do this. Put him on the back of my horse and ride off. That feels okay. Make him my assistant, my muse. Okay. I will try this. I will continue with the tools and keeping myself open. I feel the tools are working, little by little.

    I smile at everyone and some days I am full of love. I actually have had men coming up and talking to me, a little, so that’s good, because that never happened before and I talk to everyone, so here’s hoping that if I continue to be open and feeling, Mr. Right will show up. If I continue to keep myself open.

    I still cry, Rori, some days are better than others. But, at least I am not stuffing my feelings down like I did before and pretending that everything is perfect and okay and being really nice and over functioning.

    If I feel tired, I’m tired and if I feel sad, well, I’m sad. Sometimes I feel that I am closing myself off and not being truthful and using the feeling words and messages, so I try and remember to use them with everyone and I have noticed a difference. So, again, I will keep at it.

    Okay, I will let you know what happens. Take care always. Karen”

    And I answered her simply:

    Crying is good.

    Now I’ll add a little to this:

    Forgetting is way overrated.

    The goal here is not to eliminate an attachment or a feeling so you can “move on” – but to move on REGARDLESS of the feelings and attachments!

    If we all waited until the path was clear and we could see what was up ahead and we felt good – we’d miss half the wonderful things life offers us.

    Sometimes good things show up when we feel lousy.

    Sometimes bad things show up when we feel good.

    The only thing you need to be is where you are, and how you feel, and aware of what’s going on for you as best you can.

    We’re not ever feeling only one thing at a time.

    We’re always in a place where we have access to our whole range of feelings – we can appreciate a hummingbird and smile at the very moment we’re pining over a man.

    We can love our dog or cat or bird or fish or mouse in the very moment we feel broken by hurt.

    An entire evening with a new Circular Date you may not be “interested” in or attracted to ( perhaps not attracted only in your old pattern ways…) may not feel altogether great – but there were moments where you learned something, or tried a Tool and it worked and made you feel good, or saw a movie you really, really liked, or ate a good meal, or felt yourself be totally present and if you let yourself, you might have been amazed at how great and powerful that felt – and that may be WAY enough to call that evening “LIVING.”

    And living way beats trying to beat away the bad feelings or the memories, or anything else.

    Just let things come and go – and see if you can keep the vision in your head of moving forward – always – no matter how it may seem to you.

    Sometimes moving forward looks like scooting sideways. Don’t be the judge of things…be the liver of your life.

    Love, Rori



  121.  #121Daria on November 4, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Sunflower – personally I wouldn’t say anything to up in the air CD , maybe stop answering him until I really happened to have open feeling energy, just let it float in the breeze, in a okay if it happens I feel open to it thinking way, and keep on staying w my attention on what is, who else is contacting me, and putting myself out there to be seen by lots of men, online and in person.



  122.  #122Daria on November 4, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Because when I’ve vented my frustration (rather than not answer or give attention and energy when I feel pist over not being asked), I kinda get this controlly furrow brow laser grip energy and it doesn’t feel good, it feels icky w men and it just doesn’t feel comfy and relaxed how I like to feel. It tenses me up inside and bums me to thinking about stuff that doesn’t feel good.



  123.  #123Goddess Lily on November 4, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Ulii, I actually got over the heights fear very quickly when I thought I wasn’t gonna make it to the ground conscious. Or throw up on my instructor…which quite honestly he might’ve deserved since he didn’t actually instruct.



  124.  #124Goddess Lily on November 4, 2012 at 11:43 am

    120 – Smile,

    That’s the exact advice I needed earlier today.



  125.  #125Goddess Lily on November 4, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Beautiful, majestic, alluring sirens!

    I want to express once again how blessed I feel to have this community. Thank you all for being here and sharing your ups and downs and everything in between.

    Hugs to you all, especially those not having a such a good day.



  126.  #126Daria on November 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

    I wasn’t trippin bout astrology before, but I’ve been only w certain signs.

    Leo’s capricorns Aries and cancers

    cancer I think is the only fem one there – and i got my heart broken w them

    Well thus Scorpio thing wow, it’s really drawing my attention to how my masculine characteristics must stand out the way his fem ones do to me

    What do I do I feel scared

    I feel scared to let someone touch me sexually that I see as a woman in some ways

    Pfff

    This is really challenging for me

    I feel a bit icky scared

    I also feel so loved abd touched and good and taken care of

    I could push this away

    In just gona babystep to remaining open

    Sigh
    Whewh



  127.  #127Smile on November 4, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Goddess lily 124 

    I love roris post directory.
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/post-directory/

    I’m finding lots of useful stuff in here all the time.



  128.  #128Daria on November 4, 2012 at 11:54 am

    I’m afraid I will stop being guarded and allow myself to accept his quirks like the feminine eye batting and then bow!

    I will feel embarassed when someone else says something or

    I will be cheated on cuz he’s bisexual or

    He will turn out to be a child molester

    Uffffff

    This is really hard for me

    I feel sad



  129.  #129Daria on November 4, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    I feel so triggered to terror

    I want to rush my opening up so I don’t lose him

    I want to run away so I don’t deal with it

    Uffff



  130.  #130Smile on November 4, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    I’m feeling relaxed and at ease.
    I’m shifting my work stress. I feel great about this.
    I want to work to live not live to work.



  131.  #131Daria on November 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Uff now the CD I talked to on the phone sounded gay and/or unattracted a bit, I felt concerned I was bring judged and evaluated eek pfff

    So triggered

    I feel afraid!!!!



  132.  #132Daria on November 4, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Should I love a guy that seems girls to me – open up to him?

    Isn’t that a red flag?

    They all seem girly to me

    Eeeh

    Woof



  133.  #133Daria on November 4, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    I don’t want to deal w this I feel like I mite throw up

    Ummmf



  134.  #134Daria on November 4, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    More CDs are comin out the woodwork now



  135.  #135Mel on November 4, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    @ Heart, Sunflower

    You want men to “poof.” Really, you do. Because, that means that they are opting out for your benefit. They are good men that know that they can’t give you what you really want. They are good men that don’t want to lead you on. Being with such a remarkable, grounded, feminine, confident siren has made them realize that they are not ready.

    A lot of men mysteriously disappeared on me. One of them became my friend and gave me lots of interesting insight. He thought I was super cute, pretty, smart, felt attracted… but because he could sense that I was in completely different place and knew he couldn’t be the man I needed, he thought it best to keep things friendly.

    Think of it as these men doing you a favor. Leaving room for the man that you really want… and being good practice for you along the way. 🙂



  136.  #136Mel on November 4, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    ((((Turquoise))))

    It feels to me like maybe a trigger for him? Whatever happened, he attached to you something that used to occur in the past….

    This is HIS stuff.

    Give him space.



  137.  #137Femininewoman on November 4, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Turquoise I guess that was his little boy throwing a tantrum. He might be back and if he does I would remain open but not take him back right away. I would hazard a guess though that he felt disrespected. Men prefer loneliness rather than open themselves to disrespect.



  138.  #138Smile on November 4, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Just felt another mental push in myself to online date.

    I can do this
    I can do this
    I can do this



  139.  #139Francesca on November 4, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    RN AmazingNurse @ 65

    I like what you expressed here.

    I can totally relate.



  140.  #140Turquoise on November 4, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I guess that could be it, but I feel it’s more that he doesn’t want to feel controlled or told what to do. It was about his exwife. While I understand they have to spend time together, it was a lot of time and he said he’d told her that when he has a girlfriend, that would change. I said that I understand it, but don’t like it either and he got all defensive about how I had no right to be upset about anything he does. This was last week. I didn’t get mad or give him a hard time… But it doesn’t feel good that sometimes it feels he chooses to spend time with her, when he could be with me. I get it. They have a baby, she has no one at all here except him, And she works for him, i get all that. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. He’d hate it if roles were reversed, and he isn’t my husband, so how is that different?

    Regardless, the truth is, I don’t want to be just friends, and he doesn’t want the commitment I want. Maybe better this happens now. Going to be hard though. Our girls really are best friends and will want to see each other. We will have to communicate. I miss him already. He added a lot of life, to mine.



  141.  #141Turquoise on November 4, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    And I wasn’t telling him what to do or not to see her, but that even though I’m not his girlfriend, I don’t like it either. I was agreeing with his point. I don’t feel I was wrong to share how that made me feel. He was really really mad at her about something else, was stressing. I was honest and he just didn’t want to hear it. I don’t know what I’ll say if I do hear from him.



  142.  #142Turquoise on November 4, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    I did good with telling myself a good story rather than think the worst. When he unfriended me yesterday, I first felt really bad, but then I turned it around and said…. Oh poor mr. C. Would be too sad to read my status updates and doesn’t want to be reminded of me, so he’s just protecting himself. Probably not that. He was mad and reacted. But made me feel better to think about it that way.



  143.  #143Daria on November 4, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    hmm i feel triggred that i may have ran away/put a wall up on my sexuality last nite

    well

    thats triggered by the CD not contacting me today when he said he would like to see me – when i said im available only during the day nto evening –

    triggreed

    a bit

    and i am aware

    (((Daria)))



  144.  #144Daria on November 4, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    also he was thrusting his body towards me but I couldn’t feel his dick so i was constantly triggered that he’s just acting and is actually not turned on by me cuz he’s gay

    and this is what he does to hide it

    wow

    well i want to heal all this

    i feel terrified



  145.  #145Daria on November 4, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    he seems good at touching but does not seem to know how to ‘read’ ‘touch’ Me

    which a lot of men instincitvely pick up on…

    feels so confusing to me



  146.  #146Daria on November 4, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    if i declare im amazing without outside validation, i will look like a fool and get made fun of and feel shocked the way people ridicule people who think they’re awesome and others don’t

    heal heal heal



  147.  #147Daria on November 4, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    im getting to deeper and deeper levels of my being

    yay



  148.  #148Daria on November 4, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    joy is not escapism and dangerous and bad

    joy is ‘productive’ and good

    when i feel joy, i can still heal the world while im doing that

    not forget, but instead in joy i will continue to do big mountain things and healing and sharing and being generous and amazing and powerful

    i can be powerful while im joyous

    i can feel powerful while im joyous



  149.  #149Daria on November 4, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    im feeling great with this EFT you’re doing for me Daria 🙂

    thank you ! i feel like a rose bud blooming!



  150.  #150Turquoise on November 4, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    A terrible tragedy happened at our zoo today. A 3 year old boy fell into the painted dog exhibit and was mauled to death. I feel so sad and sick to my core, thinking about his family and their loss. I don’t know that I could survive it. A good friend lost one of her best friends to cancer yesterday. No matter how sad or frustrating my love life may be….. There are so many worse things happening. It helps me keep things in perspective. It makes me want to hold my loved ones closer, and for everything to be ok with Mr. C. But grateful for all the good in my life.



  151.  #151MissStix on November 4, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    120

    Thank you for the reminder smile.

    Something about this post I can’t put my finger on…The content, I grasped long ago. It’s the tone. I needed the tone of that piece today.

    Perfect!

    I believe my pice of why this showed up today is to remember to feel blessed with all the little things.

    I just thought yesterday how much I needed a new practice. Here it is!

    Thank you!



  152.  #152Daria on November 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    aww he contacted me

    and i just saw it after another man’s message

    they both called me ‘beauty’

    aww 🙂



  153.  #153Annie on November 4, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Feel so sad to hear about the zoo. Turquoise.

    Re unfriending and facebook
    Rori had a thread on it and a post about a man doing this.



  154.  #154Annie on November 4, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    “Unfriending you is about the stupidest, most immature, unmanly thing a guy can do. Drop him!!!

    Sincerely, Rori Raye”



  155.  #155Annie on November 4, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    “And something else Rori wrote.
    if a man friends you, for whatever reason and then unfriends you, that’s it. Over, done. If you’re longtime “friends” and you care about him, you can ask him about it…but to me, it’s done. I personally consider that a very violent act on his part, and very different from your careful reasoning…Men are not women, to me. If a man walks away – he’s walked away. He’s not be be chased, not to be missed. Very different from what I see a man doing should a woman walk away because the man hasn’t shown sufficient interest. That’s my view, at least.”



  156.  #156Luzydel on November 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    how to go back to online dating and just enjoy it, despite meeting some jerks in the process?

    Jut thinking…



  157.  #157Luzydel on November 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    how to go back to online dating and just enjoy it, despite meeting some jerks in the process?

    Jut thinking…



  158.  #158Annie on November 4, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Here is the link Turquoise. If you want to read the whole thread. https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/if-he-unfriends-you-on-facebook-drop-him/



  159.  #159Annie on November 4, 2012 at 4:08 pm


  160.  #160Annie on November 4, 2012 at 4:11 pm


  161.  #161Ulii on November 4, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    @ 150

    I feel so sad about that zoo tragedy… Couldn´t imagine this pain the family must go through.



  162.  #162Annie on November 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    I feel the need to process.
    I stated my feeling message about how it felt better to me to make my own individual choice on what was best for my child rather than be told what to do and make the same choices on him on a matter saying that I respected his right to choice to what he thought was best for his child and posted a link with some info concerning my choice and why it felt the right choice for me to a man. And in response he was kind and thanked me and wished me well.
    I then felt irritated by a woman who chose to get involved making out I was over reacting and my choice was wrong. mmm.
    And three others joined in.
    MMM.

    I felt goaded, irritated, censored. Dictated too. YUCK!
    I don’t want to be dictated to.
    I don’t want to be given selective information and told what to do in an authoritarian way.
    I feel angry when this happens.
    I want to be given all the information not given selective bits and then told what to do.
    I want to make an informed choice on what is best for my individual child. I felt manipulated and expected to go along and be a sheep and felt punished by covertly being told to be quiet with sarcastic comments taking the peeeee to stop expressing myself for being aware that I was not really being given all of the information. I expressed that although the pee taking felt amusing which it did, I did see the funny side of it and for them to feel free to carry on that no amount of peee taking changed the facts and salient points.
    They can do what they like, I just don’t want to do the same.
    They were very angry at me.

    Here we go again.
    Something else that reminds me of my parents.
    Authoritarian parents.
    It felt good not to lose my cool.
    It feels easy to stand my ground one to one.
    Not so easy when it is two to one.
    Three to one etc.
    It does not feel easy to go against the crowd.
    I don’t fit in.
    I am sometimes able to pretend.
    I don’t want to pretend.
    When I don’t pretend I alienate myself.
    I feel a bit sad at this realization.
    I don’t belong.



  163.  #163Annie on November 4, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    I am a loner.
    Selective company feels good for short periods of time.
    It feels draining after a while.
    It’s ok to be a loner.
    It feels better to be a loner than pretend and feel uncomfortable with people I don’t fit in with.
    I like lots of alone time.
    And short periods of company that feel good to me.



  164.  #164Annie on November 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    That feels a bit scary now reading I am a loner.
    Do we shape out reality by whatever we put after I am?
    It feels best to accept what I am even if a little scary.



  165.  #165Turquoise on November 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Thanks Annie. I’m going to read it now!



  166.  #166Daria on November 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    im feeling lonely!

    also, hungry

    hmmm



  167.  #167Turquoise on November 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    That was good for me to read. We had an argument and that was his reaction… So not exactly like the other situation, with no warning. It was immature though, and to me…. He knows that would hurt me, and I’m taking it as a clear sign that he felt mad or frustrated enough, to not care what the reprocussion could be. He’s very emotional and talkative person. I did end the conversation and hung up without waiting for his response, so wasn’t my best mature self either.



  168.  #168MissStix on November 4, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Self talk-Pep talk

    This is what this is about. You! This is not about any him or her or them. This is about grabbing onto life and taking hold of the sheer experience of it.
    This isn’t about always feeling happy. Being happy. Being perfect. Feeling perfect. Always doing everything “right”. No. This is about feeling. Being. Existing in a place in time and the universe centered within your own body. Existing there means feeling what comes with experiencing, and opening up to life. Absorbing life. Imprinting it on your soul where it will exist forever, transcending time and space and the physical. This is it. The vast abundance of drinking in every nuance and really feeling it. Infusing every fibre of your body with love for these feelings and emanating this love. Pulsing with life. There is infinite expansion within you. This is who you are. Just imagine! Just feel this for a minute. Shit. Feels incredible!



  169.  #169MissStix on November 4, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Kind of feels quiet around here lately…



  170.  #170LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    I feel lost
    I feel sad
    Leaning back does not feel like enough
    Now I’m stepping back
    I can’t cry anymore



  171.  #171LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    I feel deeply hurt
    I’m speechless sirens
    his intention was always to leave



  172.  #172R.N.AmazingMe on November 4, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    crying is good but I decided I cry for me not for him just feels better everyone needs a good cry =)



  173.  #173LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    vulnerability abused?
    side swiped?
    just friggin wrong!
    I feel hardend



  174.  #174LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I feel embarrassed much
    ((((((((LoveAlways)))))))



  175.  #175LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    crying is involuntary these days for me, and I’m nearly all cried out. I have a headache from it now



  176.  #176LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    I feel alone
    I am clearly abandoned
    that hurts
    I feel achy
    I feel almost numb
    I am in my pits, deep deep pits
    He literally jumped the h3ll off my bridge as I watched
    d@mn
    I can’t believe I’m experiencing this sh^t



  177.  #177LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Another night in the pits



  178.  #178LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    poor choice in men



  179.  #179LoveAlways on November 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Okay, I’m starting to beat myself up, so I’m going to bed now. Good night sirens



  180.  #180BAB on November 4, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    I can’t go another day with out sex this is enough. Im feeling hurt and I don’t get it.



  181.  #181Tereana on November 4, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    Aw, LoveAlways. Sounds like you are a little bit heartbroken. I am going to imagine pink pillows like cotton candy all around your heart. Comfy softness that is also sweet. Patches over the wounds that will heal. Hope you feel better in the morning….



  182.  #182Tereana on November 4, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    Just a little check-in ladies!

    Well, after my bit of a guyatus, I’ve suddenly run into/attracted some new guys. All new guys! Fresh material! lol Or to put it another way: out with the Old and in with the New.

    Yes, I’ve got my “three.”

    I’ve forgotten what it was like to only ever have on prospect. That’s a good thing, right??

    So, to follow up from the last thread, there was some talk about lowering expectations, or rather, releasing them without lowering them. Conundrum, right? And I was feeling like I was having some trouble with this. And then I had an idea.

    I was asking myself to do too much. To go from 0 to 60 (where 0 is me having a lot of unconscious expectations, and 60 is me being able to release them all) instantly was just daunting, if not impossible.

    So I decided the best first step for me was to just RECOGNIZE to myself, and acknowledge when I noticed that I had an expectation. And especially if I got attached to it. Not even to the outcome, just to the expectation itself.

    It’s been eye-opening, and quite relieving. Suddenly, when I was able to step back and Look at It, I could see it, without getting caught up in it. I swear, it’s done wonders! I feel more relaxed, and at ease.

    It’s still somewhat challenging. Just tonight, I got a chance to practice it. And I didn’t love the feeling of releasing my expectation. But in a way, I did. It took the pressure off of me, too. I didn’t have to be the one to “police” the situation, and make sure things went according to plan. Less work for me! Ha! And I still got plenty of attention. Even if it wasn’t what I had on my mind…

    And speaking of relaxed, I am also taking flower essences. I got some, kind of as an impulse buy – but it was really calling to me. This one flower essence stood out among the others, and when I looked it up, it turned out it was for relieving anxiety. Since that’s an issue that I have, inherited from my mother, I decided why not try it? It won’t hurt, and maybe it will have some nice effect.

    I figure the best thing I can do for myself and everybody is to be and feel as relaxed as possible. It’s an ongoing process. I’m still working on it. 🙂

    Y’all are helpful, too! Writing on the blog always helps me feel relaxed : )

    Happy Daylight Saving time change!



  183.  #183Smile on November 4, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Ive woken up feeling anxious about the future. My tummy feels all jittery. I feel like stepping away from my past.
    I want to just be in the here and now.
    I feel a bit sick. The uncertainty makes me feel sick.

    What have I done wrong feeling just hit me.
    Slathering on the love today.



  184.  #184Silver Moonbeam on November 4, 2012 at 11:41 pm

    #135 Mel

    I know your post wasn’t for me, but thank you, you have given me a way of seeing something from a different angle. 🙂



  185.  #185Daria on November 4, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    No Name CD contacted me to say he’s sorry for not having been in contact, that he’s very sick and am i feeling ok

    well i feel great actually



  186.  #186Daria on November 4, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    i really miss that new CD i spent 2 whole long dates with

    ummmffff

    i miss him

    the one i was worried was bisexual lol



  187.  #187R.N.AmazingMe on November 5, 2012 at 12:02 am

    your stories are all so inspiring buy also help eachother help deal and learn from eachother because we all go through these obstacles but we are not alone!



  188.  #188R.N.AmazingMe on November 5, 2012 at 12:07 am

    we cant make a man love us or convince him we are amazing if he doesn’t see it then he is not the one,one mans loss is anothers treasure. But you have to value yourself first and foremost your self worth is far more key then what someone else who may not even know you, may think they know you…bottom line if you don’t care niether will he. There is nothing more attractive than a man or woman with a strong mind, confidence and good heart. just harder to find these days.



  189.  #189Daria on November 5, 2012 at 2:53 am

    I’m sorry pussy

    Thanks for reminding me

    Yes we will def say something and do something to have you more aroused before sex

    No this is not good enough

    Right on for reminding me



  190.  #190Linda on November 5, 2012 at 3:24 am

    The key for me and where my mind seems to wander and often spin its wheels (unfortunately) is on a relationship , man and time in my life where I was not valued, treasured, or considered amazing. I dont like the fact that it goes there. That I think about him, wish it was different. Does that mean that I dont love,treasure,value myself? Kinda feels like if I did then I would not even give his thought a place in my time today. I gotta stop

    THen there is the issue of me just not feeling any physical attraction to ANY of the men that I have met this summer and fall. Thats 8 men in person and several more chatting or emailing.. nothin! Something wrong with me?



  191.  #191Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 4:05 am

    RN AmazingMe, again, what you just wrote totally speaks to me.

    I feel like we are in the same situation.



  192.  #192BAB on November 5, 2012 at 5:03 am

    I feel sad this morning. My heart hurts for lack of intamicy. No just sexual intamicy. I have been given lots of time affection and snuggles this weekend and it felt great. But when a carrot is dangled in front of me and then withdrawn even tho I may ask or hint at wanting it.. Hurts like hell. My eyes are soar from tears and my body feels numb.



  193.  #193BAB on November 5, 2012 at 5:06 am

    Expectations… Is it really a bad thing to expect the same sexual appetite from my man, that he has always had? Am I being selfish? Is it wrong to have expectations in this area? Am I still focusing too much on him? My body achs and my heart can’t feel anything but lack and wonder..



  194.  #194Linda on November 5, 2012 at 5:08 am

    188 & 190 –



  195.  #195Linda on November 5, 2012 at 5:09 am

    188 &190 –



  196.  #196Linda on November 5, 2012 at 5:17 am

    sorry silly phone post.

    I have totally lived in the land that RN is talking about.
    Thinking and wishing he had feels like I am putting myself down and agreeing with him. Hurts my own self esteem.

    BAB – honey I have lived in the land of no sex but add in no physical attention at all. No snuggles unless I initiated it… It gets old really quick. I used to cry myself to sleep when I was married. Had a relationship when he would not be tired and stay up watching TV but then slept on the couch 90 % of the time. I will never endure either one of those things again! NEVER. I know that pain.. and it feels like rejection. There are all kinds of issues around our sexuality… I finally talked about it, which was hard because I felt undesired… and was afraid that was what the issue was… and low and behold it was! That made me cry even more.

    I have not recovered from that pain. But have made a promise to myself that I will NOT tolerate it in my life ever again! Just waiting for the man the I want to be with. That is becoming the difficult part.

    Hugs to you BAB



  197.  #197forest siren on November 5, 2012 at 5:34 am

    For the past few months I’ve been focusing on rebalancing the energy exchange between Lionman and me and in fact between me and the world. I was definitely such a giver and miss stix what you wrote about how in control you felt giving and that’s what a man wants to feel helped me enormously.

    Also smile the Rori Raye definitions you posted helped me about the energy bubble and rebalancing it. At first it felt like an oil tanker that we couldn’t change it’s direction but slowly but surely we have. His energy comes towards me now and other mens too. I am receiving lots of compliments from men and now I accept them instead of brushing them off. I feel less exhausted because I am not giving out so much.

    I have noticed about myself that I rarely ask Lionman questions now, the what are you doing, where are you going type but instead share about myself. I was never the prying type but I was raised to believe it is selfish to be talking about oneself but the results are undeniable. It’s like he feels more open and willing to share when I’m not asking.

    When I have no expectations he gives more. Right now I’m working on how I set myself up to fail. When I do lean forward and ask for something (the thing I always ask for is more of his time) it feels bad, he leaves me hanging or doesn’t respond and then I get angry and frustrated. But because it’s happening less frequently I can see that really clearly and can remind myself that does not work in our dynamic. This man wants to be in control and in charge and when I take over fearing that if I don’t make it happen it won’t happen it backfires on me. It’s a leap of faith for me to really hand over this and let him lead but oh it is so much more fun this way!

    Daria i wish there was a like button for your 189 post. You are so brave posting stuff like that and it makes me think in a different way about so many things. I feel like I’m starting to get all this and it’s so much fun.

    I would love to hear from other sirens specific ways in which they show their men respect. I have a habit of contradicting my man. Not over huge things just little things but the cumulative effect has been that he feels pushed away and gets stubborn and polarized. I have a strong personality as does he so I feel almost morally obliged to point out things like well why don’t you see it this way which overall contributes to him feeling wrong and me being right. I much prefer feeling soooo connected to him and feeling so impressed by the awesome fearless things he does. (((Lionman)))



  198.  #198BAB on November 5, 2012 at 5:40 am

    My mind can’t grasp anything that’s being said to me right now.. Iam embarrassed to say I don’t get any of it.



  199.  #199Dominique on November 5, 2012 at 5:43 am

    forest siren – 197 – yes, yes, yes – happy dance!!!!

    feeling so proud of you.

    as for respect, I don’t really know what this means. for me there is only love. the example you cite is you having a desire to be right. most of us have this desire. so instead you catch yourself when you are doing this, mid-sentence if you have to, and you listen to him. just listen. he may have his ideas or his ways which may differ from yours sometimes, and this is okay. celebrate and embrace the differences.
    xxoo



  200.  #200R.N.AmazingMe on November 5, 2012 at 5:44 am

    @191 that makes me feel good! That maybe someone can share what I feel I am going through! It’s a great way to find ways to cope with different things. If you ever want to talk, I am here. Share away how do you feel? What is your situation?



  201.  #201MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 5:59 am

    BAB, Linda

    I have been there too. And I remember the feeling too well. We had lots of sex in the beginning of our relationship…But then he spent a year.. Actually honestly more like 2 years… suffering from panic disorder, and overcoming it naturally. After that I could count the number of times we had sex in a year on one hand. 4 years I spent in that place. He had such a valid reason…His body was depleted. Tired. Stressed. Which made it worse. His valid reason felt like slamming into a brick wall. Blocking my desperate need for intimacy. What could I do? What could I say? I only said something once (until after he was cheating) And I have an urge to laugh out loud and violently now because he ended up being the one to have an affair. And I don’t want to freak anyone out but that was my truth. For a very long time. I’m not surprised I already felt resentment towards him when we got married. People with no steady partner at all had more sex than I did.

    Blah. Now I don’t want to talk about that.



  202.  #202MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 6:02 am

    Now I can use my hand to count the number of times I have sex in a week. In a day-on the weekend, and some days I need every finger. Go me!

    F@ck. That last post still has me feeling bitter. Doesn’t feel happy to revisit and my sexual abundance now actually doesn’t make it “better”. pffffffft.



  203.  #203BAB on November 5, 2012 at 6:07 am

    MissStix- Thank you for your posts! Although I feel a total block in getting them right now, it feels so wonderful to get a response from you, I feel understood and not so entirely alone.
    I want to understand..

    Linda-196

    I feel a lot of resentment being triggered in me by this post. I interpret it as I am going to fail and what we are is determined to end.. My heart breaks thinking like this.
    But I thank you anyways for helping me feel these triggers. I truly FEEL them and that’s comforting to me.
    Also for feeling compassion towards me, it is greatly comforting and appreciated!



  204.  #204forest siren on November 5, 2012 at 6:21 am

    Thank you Dominique! I feel blushing and proud of myself! I look back at all my past relationships well not that many about three or four and see how I was so in giving mode and it did not work at all. And I feel so grateful that Lionman is who he is I had to find another way thank goodness for Rori Raye and I feel humbled that he stayed with me all this time through all my mistakes and making him feel bad and less than. It takes two to tango the mistakes were not all mine but it blows me away that after all this time we are so connected I think we might have the real thing.

    I feel scared to say that in case I jinx it or mess it up. I’m really wanting to stay on this path and commit to me. That’s why I loved Daria’s post – committing to my pleasure and comfort has been revolutionary! I am familiar with 12 step programs and co dependency etc but this Rori Raye way has given me really good results and changed my thinking. It was like the next level for me.

    And yes I see what you are saying about wanting to be right. I really struggle with this one. I don’t care per se if I am right or not but I have some weird moral thing about being truthful and not going along with things just to agree with them. But there is a time and a place for this and I think I could drop about 90% of it. I was also raised in a house where I was encouraged to be politically minded and an independent thinker and to debate religion and politics with the men (I have all brothers) but that does not give me the closeness I crave. I think just listening is a good way to start with this and just stopping mid sentence when I am in that no I am right mode.



  205.  #205Femininewoman on November 5, 2012 at 6:29 am

    RE 150 OMG Turq. How absolutely horrendous. I can’t imagine if I was that child’s mother or guardian at that zoo with him.



  206.  #206MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 6:38 am

    BAB

    It is ok if you don’t get it. Those moments of not getting it have their own importance. I have felt them well myself. They serve me in remembering them and thinking “wow, I do get it now” and solidifying what i’ve learned.



  207.  #207BAB on November 5, 2012 at 6:40 am

    I have been saying things that haven’t felt completely genuine. Trying to show my appreciation for all that he does for me. no wonder he doesn’t always hear me. Am I harboring negative feelings surrounding this?
    Yes, maybe..
    My voice feels funny when i praise him.
    I feel my heart lurch when I hear that funny voice of mine..
    Iam growing accustomed to showing my appreciation, I feel anxious ill do it wrong, causing it to sound unnatural.
    I feel pressure to do it right.



  208.  #208MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Hmmm I do still have moments of “I don’t get it” but they are different now.

    Take the topic post of this thread for example….I say “I don’t get it” because I am beyond that. I don’t relate to it because I don’t have the problem it is addressing. Therefore, taking that man’s advice would not serve me. And the man would probably look at me like i’d lost something if I spoke to him in that way. I can totally picture the furrowed, confused brow and the eyes rolling up to his right and the words “uhhh…ok?”.



  209.  #209BAB on November 5, 2012 at 6:47 am

    I get defensive when he expects me to buy things for him( little trinkets at the store) I feel taken advantage of, taken for granted. Dismissed. Yet I do the vary same thing to him, and when Iam denied it, I feel dismissed taken for grande.. Humm coincidence? I think not. I feel I have so healing to do.
    I want to heal this! I want to feel secure in this.



  210.  #210MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 6:48 am

    No. Speaking to him that way would not be productive. He is too used to the way I communicate now. My saying “ok” “ok” “ok” as I let him speak and take it in, followed by the expression of what I feel followed by his fixing it all and reassuring me. Sometimes it takes him an hour or a day but I can always count on hearing “It’s ok…” and hugs and reassurances. Apologies even, and my favourite “are we good now?” and my words “mm hmm thank you baby, we’re good.”



  211.  #211MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 6:55 am

    I don’t want to give advice to BAB because I see me in her and her words resonate so much with me. I have urges to give advice but I don’t really want to because I have faith that this will come together for her in a way that serves her just like it did for me. And I know just how important it was, to me, to do it my own way and drink the confidence brew that. came from steeping myself in “my own way.”.



  212.  #212LoveAlways on November 5, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Tereana

    Thank you for the cotton candy pillows 🙂

    His truths keep breaking my heart with each new one. But I do feel better this morning, just numb.



  213.  #213BAB on November 5, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Today Iam going to practice listening to others and feeling instead of thinking. Today thinking feels like too much and not good enough.. I feel happy in this decision..



  214.  #214BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 7:00 am

    ATT: I feel very guarded giving a fake name. I’d feel so much better if you all could know my real name. (Rebekah)



  215.  #215sunshine on November 5, 2012 at 7:03 am

    I have been diligentl working on being my authentic, feeling self infront of the guy Im dating. Whats happening is that sometimes I feel embarrassed, because he sees who I am and what I really am feeling and thinking. Whats happening is that he also sees parts of me that im just now discovering or seeing clearer…mostly that Im indecisive, confused, and sometimes Im really into him and sometimes I dont feel all that attracted to him. The point is that hes is seeing in me all the mess that I feel, insecurities and confusion. I feel embarrassed that this means he wont feel compelled to want to continue with me. On the other hand, I also feel that this is what created our intimacy and the reason he likes me so much. Maybe it all boils down to fear on my part because I feel afraid that the more he sees the bad parts along with the good parts, he wont stick aroound. I feel sad and worried



  216.  #216MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 7:08 am

    I have a frugal man in my life. Oh, so fricken frugal!!! But having married a spender I know how important that is. For real. So I had to find a way to be ok with his frugality, and at the same time feel treated and treasured and NOT spend a ton of money on him. To not say “it’s ok I got it.” because I spent a lot of years being like that and it comes easy to me. Although it feels irritating. I would still do it. I still have times where this blog and the rori way trigger feelings in me of not getting enough from him.

    I have to look at “treated” and “treasured” and “worshipped” in a different way than some others. I have to see a cup of coffee as a beautiful gift, or a take out meal as a magnificent gesture of love. haha Gas money is priceless, and when he throws a 20 bill my way for no reason? he might as well be showering me with diamonds and sapphires. 😉 Even to recieve these things I had to first believe I deserved them. Second, let go of any guilt for taking them. Third, realize it’s ok to give back with only “thank you’s” and “WOW baby! You spoil me.” ans smiles and kisses or “I feel amazing. You’re so good to me”. And sometimes giving back is cooking us a meal. Or giving him a ride. Or giving only because it feels truly great to me in that moment. But never when it feels wrong in any way.

    Giving back is so important. It means I get to give without overfunctioning. I get to give without feeling irritated or taken advantage of. I get to give back! Hooray!



  217.  #217Tam on November 5, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Hi Ladies!
    Long time no speak.
    I was MIA for the weekend on some rich man’s yacht. No dating, just a friendly thing. Did a contest on Sat and boating on Sunday. Sunday was a triggerfest, as it was what I used to do only with MrP, and this time on a huge yacht (same places, many many memories)….the huge yacht didn’t impress me. I like small boats. I felt like a fish out of water with all these professional, wealthy people.
    They were very very nice but I could detect an air of arrogance, and hostility as they were mainly rich man’s lady friends and one was clearly a little jealous. They are all about 15 years older than me, and she just blurted out on the yacht: so how old ARE you? As if I had some kind of desease. The ‘young’ disease.
    People do this all the time and I find it rude now, and feel like a little child. I look young, but still. I would never go to someone and ask them that, especially as they all seem to have such a problem with age here, MrRich didn’t want to tell me his age either (usually the men have the big problem and I start to find this off putting and ridiculous, like who are you kidding…I thought he was 60 but turned out he is also 51, like everyone else I know!!). He might as well have told me, a bit pointless keeping it a secret when you actually look much older than you are. I feel amused.
    I told her my age and said that I get this all the time and feel fed up with people asking my age and feel like some kind of child when I am almost 40. She said she thought I was much younger. So what. Pfff.
    They were actually all very nice, but still a triggerfest as I was one of many…on a big yacht….that couldn’t go to all the nice places as it was too big. I couldn’t help but long for the fun times I had boating before, where I was not one of many but first officer, steered the boat, did stuff with the engines, got dirty, wet and jumped in and out of the water like a fishy….and laughed and laughed and laughed. And stopped where I wanted to. And was getting lots of attention 🙂
    It’s ok, I can let thise days go now…had the big triggerfest, all done.
    Boating is with other people, and other boats and other places and so on.

    I was also triggered badly because this guy is clearly very wealthy, but also very stingy and keeps talking about how expensive everything is. He got me a sandwich for lunch on the boat, and said someone is bringing him lunch (one of the fan club ladies)…so he picked out a sandwich for me at a store…and afterwards spent ages complaining about how expensive it was (a sandwich….for a guy with a yacht, who is retired at 51 and claerly has a lot of money), I was supremely turned off. Turns out that the lady did not bring him lunch, just bites for all to share….he then took my sandwich out of the fridge and said ‘do you mind if I eat this, as I am hungry?’. I was a little shocked, but I had to laugh and said: ‘oh, go ahead’…
    On Saturday they went to a very expensive restaurant, a little group…and he said to me ‘as I know you probably can’t afford this, I will take you out, but it’s not going to happen again’. Jeepers, I felt pretty bad, and I said that I can pay for myself no problem….but in the end three of the guys split the dinner and treated the ladies.
    How bizarre.
    I don’t mind treating my friends occasionally, and I have very little money…it always baffles me when people behave so strange.
    I guess he has all these women worship him and expected me to worship him also?
    No idea.
    Anyhow, I don’t want to sound negative because it was a nice weekend and the people were all very nice and everything, just those few cringey moments…
    I now know why I don’t want to date anymore per se, because I just end up missing what I had with someone else more and more as I see so much strange stuff and really realise there aren’t many people I am on a wavelength with, guess it also has to do with background, and in which type of family/economical background one has grown up in.
    Those are things that impact on people….and I just feel uncomfortable with people too far out of my comfort zone, I guess.
    All good.
    Hope you are all doing well 🙂



  218.  #218Tam on November 5, 2012 at 7:23 am

    MissStix, frugality is a very good thing…and a very prudent thing for a man one would consider raising a family with.
    I feel the little things count so much more than grand expensive gestures…someone crush a jasmine flower in his hands and says: ‘smell how beautiful this fragrance is’ – it’s worth more to me than an expensive meal at a posh restaurant where I feel uncomfortable. 🙂



  219.  #219Calypso on November 5, 2012 at 7:23 am

    I don’t think JC and I are going to make it. I can feel myself shutting down where he is concerned and he can feel it too.

    He has made several comments to me in a joking manner (He picks at me constantly, so I never know if he is serious or not, but I have to think he partly is) about me making him feel “cheap” like I only want him for sex. He makes a huge deal out of it when I get dressed and leave, but he picks at me about it even when I am still there trying to relax, to the point that I just get dressed and leave . . .

    I told him on Friday that I needed to spend the weekend alone cleaning my house and doing yard work, etc because I have been out of town the last 2 weekends (one with him and one visiting my sister) and I just need some “me” time and to get my hosue in order before T-Giving.

    He wanted to know why I didn’t just make my sons clean the house so I could stay with him and help him clean his house . . . totally missing the point. I don’t want to play house . . . ugh. Why can’t we just have fun? Why does he have to push for more than I can give him? I am NOT using feeling messages with him any more – I am doing the opposite of that and I know it, but I can’t help it. I have gone from feeling like I might be falling in love with him to feeling nothing in the course of 2 weeks because his pushing makes me withdraw and I have not told him because I just don’t care enough to even talk about it. That’s messed up :/

    His B-day is in 2 weeks and we have plans to go to the mountains at the end of November. I would not be upset if we cancelled our plans, but I’m not going to do it. I’m not the one who is unhappy – if he wants to talk about it, he will have to stop acting like everything is a joke and have an actual conversation with me. I’m not sure he is capable of it either . . . the few times I have tried to talk to him about anything serious, he has tuned me out completely and interupted me as if he was not even aware that I was speaking.

    This is why I have so many dogs and cats . . . we get along perfectly – lol



  220.  #220Tam on November 5, 2012 at 7:25 am

    I admit it, I am still hung up but not nearly as bad…as I wade through all possible triggers and am still standing and even have a little smile on my face.
    I love my hung-up-ness. 🙂
    Time will get rid of the last remnants of it…just give me a little time…la la la.



  221.  #221MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Holy….

    Oh well. My parents have a lot of wealthy friends and I have heard every. Single. One. of them say these words “I didn’t get this wealthy by spending all my money on useless crap.” or along those lines.

    One friend of theirs is a BILLIONAIRE. No exaggeration. And he’s cheap cheap cheap. He only spends a lot of money on stuff if it returns money in the end. Like his house, or his properties or businesses etc. His yacht is for schmoozing for business.



  222.  #222sunflower on November 5, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Thankyou Daria..:). Love the way you feel, write, express.

    Inbetw, have been getting ” you are banned” message when I try accessing this blog. And then I can’t get to the page for a few hours..??



  223.  #223MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 7:29 am

    New money. hahahaha They all worked so hard for what they have and they won’t give it up easy. The kind of rich people that you would never know it if you just bumped into them on the street. Faded jeans and sneakers and t-shirts kind of rich people.



  224.  #224Tam on November 5, 2012 at 7:30 am

    220 Miss Stix..lol…too funny.
    I am totally unimpressed by wealth, I have also known a lot of wealthy people in my ‘previous life’…when I worked in finance. Some of them were lovely, others just very arrogant and yes, turning over every penny. I find that sad, especially when they could do a lot of good with all that money rather than have it sit in accounts or whatever.
    Each to their own, but I could never even date a man like that who continually makes remarks like this.
    I know people who have nothing and are so giving…not in materialistic ways but with their time, love and gestures and food and so on.



  225.  #225BAB on November 5, 2012 at 7:36 am

    I’m not sure why that made me cry but I feel so much right now.. I feel so tender and vulnerable.
    I feel you know me so well. I get my confidence from my learning on my own.
    I feel thankful for your inside into my needs.



  226.  #226BAB on November 5, 2012 at 7:36 am

    224 @ MissStix



  227.  #227Tam on November 5, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Actually, I’d have much preferred to pay for my own meal, considering the lamenting I had to endure. Would have been my week’s earnings as I am not earning much right now, however, I could at least have enjoyed it and have had a glass of wine and enjoyed it even more. I did not dare order one as everybody was drinking water and I had to endure all those comments before….pff.
    I feel so happy not to be a wife of someone like that who has no independent income, how awful it must feel to have to ask for things and be told it’s too expensive when the bank accounts in various countries are overflowing.
    ((((wives of stingy men))))
    Jeepers, I feel super lucky.
    I would feel so much happier with a poor lovely man, eating cheese and drinking cheap wine on a beach.



  228.  #228MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Tam

    Yep! I’m fully with you. I feel totally turned off by that attitude. I don’t really get it. I am frugal (we are frugal) because we don’t have a lot of money. Not that we are the types to be frivilous if we did…But I simply can not imagine worrying over a sandwich if I were well off. He11…Sandwiches for all! Is what I would say. Especially for those that are hungry.

    A lot of money isn’t so important to me. Having enough, and not owing much, is what is truly important to me. And when I do dream of having a bit more, I dream of the experiences it would bring to my life and how I could use it to help others. Posessions mean very little to me, and money gaining money amd sitting in the bank doing nothing is of little importance to me.



  229.  #229Linda on November 5, 2012 at 7:40 am

    BAB – I am sorry for the trigger but happy too. Pain in my life has always resulted in me motivating me to make a change. It has always been for the better even if it takes a while to feel better.

    Interesting thing as I remember how I felt everyday…I still feel a lot of resentment. Well toward my recent relationship that is not anymore. I have two words to define him. Lazy, Selfish User. (oh that is three) He always turned everything in to my fault and accepted no responsibility for things. I know he looked at porn, I could find evidence of his “taking care of himself” if you get my drift. I was soooo ANGRY. I am glad I sharing this even now because it triggers more things in me that I need to feel and reconsile. I did talked to him about all of it and he would appoligize but nothing changed. I finally just had enough, just like with my marriage. ENOUGH. Not what I want, the pain caused me to make changes.

    Recently this week end I had a CD ask me about using erotica or porn in a relationship? WOW trigger too! I have felt through that one so I was able to explain my feelings very clearly to him. Which is MAJOR progress for me. (Again speaking my truth is my big thing I am working on right now) I dont think I would have a problem with view erotic things together in a healthy committed relationship, but if there is an addicted to it.. wanting a command performance, or a man wants woman that looks and acts like they typically do in them then NOOOO. I feel that it robs creativity between to people and places unhealthy pressure on partners. So having told him that I felt heard. I did not care if I was agreed with me in the least!

    My last relationship.. communicated to me.. I had to learn to.. and dress like.. do this for me… me me me… “turn him on” In hindsite…tHat is clearly someone who is NOT a partner but a taker only.. He spent no effort on my needs or desires. Actually he was the worst lover I have ever had in my life.

    On the subject of expectations….

    I had so many years of anger built up at my ex-husband but now 6 years later I am not angry at him anymore. We are friends. Why am I not angry at him..I have NO MORE expectations of him for anything!. Just like you were talking about.

    WOW I am wound up and at work… more later

    Hugs



  230.  #230MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 7:44 am

    My bro is also like those men (only a little). He’s good at accumulating money and not spending. But he is generous when need be. He helped me pay off repairs on my car to the tune of 3 grand. I payed it back, but that, to me, showed is generosity. He will be wealthy though. For sure. Because his money accumulates.



  231.  #231Femininewoman on November 5, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Calypso I feel so excited reading your comments. I like the challenge that these types of situations present for me to try to change my communication so that men listen and change around me. I am not saying you did or said anything wrong here just that you seem to be aware of not wanting more with him and he seems to have sensed it on an unconscious level and might be acting out on it. I feel excited about these types of dynamics because nowadays they feel like fertile ground for me to practice tools.



  232.  #232Femininewoman on November 5, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I believe that most men have learned from women that they are inpressed by wealth so they experience women who don’t take crumbs as different.



  233.  #233Calypso on November 5, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Fw – I kind of feel excited too – because I’m so completely aware of what is going on now. Someday when I meet the right man for me, this understadding will be so helpful.



  234.  #234Tam on November 5, 2012 at 7:50 am

    227, Miss Stix, you basicallt summed up my own attitude towards money. I can survive on very little and my main goal is not to have debts…that’s it. I don’t need a flashy car, boat, plane, big house etc.
    I just want mine and me to be healthy and happy.
    Money helps but it sure ain’t everything.
    I have bought many friends sandwiches, coffees, drinks etc., when I could – and I did it because it made me happy at the time, not because I felt I had to….and it would have felt so bad for me to have told them how much money it cost me and how expensive it was…we are talking about $5 here…
    I believe some people make their lives vastly more stressful than they have to be. I am NOT one of them. I have seen a lot of bad things and a lot of suffering in my life (other people’s)…and this kind of stressing over a couple of dollars when you have millions – it almost seems like a disease to me, certainly not quite normal. Very odd. I feel a little sorry for him – just enjoy life, matey! 😉
    Peace.



  235.  #235Tam on November 5, 2012 at 7:53 am

    231 FW, that is what it is. And I see all these women worship him, making him crackers, bringing him drinks etc. – it was quite funny.
    He was a good man, just, well, spoilt by attention. He didn’t need any more from me so I just enjoyed the day 🙂



  236.  #236Femininewoman on November 5, 2012 at 7:55 am

    Tam I also believe that these men appreciate women who tell them NO.



  237.  #237Tam on November 5, 2012 at 8:03 am

    235..FW, before we went for the dinner we were at a function. There were free appetisers but loooots of people. He said ‘I’d really appreciate if you could go around and get me some food, as I have to wait for a couple of other people to turn up’.
    So he expected me to stand in a long line and pick up some food for him. I felt supremely turned off. I just walked around and watched people, and looked at the long lines….and smiled. I walked back to him after 30 Minutes and said ‘sorry, but I did not feel like standing in a line for an hour, hope you don’t mind’.
    Now, if that had been a guy I knew well and liked and had known of the situation, I might have offered ‘shall I go and get us a bite?’…BUT he demanded it. It wasn’t a discussion or a question, just a ‘get me some food’. I mean, honestly. I felt actually amused by it and as I walked around thought to myself ‘la la la..I am just enjoying this walking around’….
    Pre-Siren Land, I might have got really frustrated and joined one of the huge lines, but no more.



  238.  #238Tam on November 5, 2012 at 8:08 am

    …he also introduced me jokingly to all the other people on the boat as his ‘assistant, who will fetch him cold drinks and food’…
    I felt like throwing a soda can at him…but since he was the captain, well, luckily I didn’t 😉



  239.  #239MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 8:14 am

    lol tam!!

    I feel highly amused by all of that too…I mean…Really. 🙂



  240.  #240Tam on November 5, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Miss Stix, it was a good trigger at the time especially as I used to be princess on the little boat, as well as the only other person entrusted with all the important stuff, like steering the boat and taking the engines out of the water etc. MrP actually screamed at one of the guys when they wanted to do that and said ‘no, ‘she’ does that’ – because I was like the second Captain and he trusted me…
    And here I was demoted to ‘cabin steward’..that’s how it felt. Some other chic got to steer the boat etc.
    I was very triggered by all that, but at the same time it was water off a ducks back also and it hadme amused and the more it went on, the more I zoned out and just looked at the waves and enjoyed nature and ignored the rest.
    I did actually have a nice time..but yeah, lots of triggers. They helped I guess.



  241.  #241Heather on November 5, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Hey ladies 🙂 I have taken almost a eight month break from the blog. I see a lot of familiar names, one in particular I am SO happy to see is FW 🙂

    I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I was dealing with an “other woman” issue, me being the other for five+ years. Some of the things that were said, particularly about closure (and that it does not really exist).

    It took me nearly eight months to process, detoxifiy, learn to see/listen and experience me for me. For so long I’d been focused on him, giving giving giving. Being available when he wanted etc.

    I loved what Tam wrote in 236- that was me, for five years. In that line waiting, waiting, sad, alone, desperate…waiting for something that once obtained was nothing more than just that a free apetizer. Crumbs. Not the full meal 🙂

    I am going to commit to being active on this blog because SO MUCH GOOD has come from here. I feel like it’s taken some time for me to be in a place to be surrounded by women with hope and positivity because I felt so isolated and invisible.

    I am ready to be seen, at least by yall, and above anything else learn, feel and experience. HAPPY MONDAY!!!



  242.  #242Tam on November 5, 2012 at 8:20 am

    It also made me realise again, what I want in my life, and which kinds of people I want to stay away from and why. I see it as experience.



  243.  #243MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Today, the man names me his emergency contact and beneficiary to the small life insurance policy he has through work.

    I feel…Honoured by this. I feel seen, appreciated, important. I feel trusted. I feel a little lost as I realize I still do not know what he would want me to do if something happens to him. What does he want? Something I need to know. I trust myself to honour him in using that money for expenses and giving the rest to charity (as long as we are childless). Sigh. I feel a bit sick thinking about all this but if I am to be trusted to see to all of that I believe it is something I need to consider, no matter how awful the thought feels. Up till now it has been his sister. This just feels BIG huge to me. Like a huge responsibility. I will have to ask him his wishes. This will feel very uncomfy, but good and important.



  244.  #244Femininewoman on November 5, 2012 at 8:24 am

    “Just because my partner doesn’t agree with me, doesn’t mean my partner is wrong.”

    http://www.marriagesherpa.com/blog/uncategorized/who%E2%80%99s_wrong/



  245.  #245MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Welcome (back) Heather!!! ((((you)))) Looking forward to seeing and hearing you 🙂



  246.  #246Femininewoman on November 5, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Happy Monday Heather



  247.  #247Emerson on November 5, 2012 at 8:27 am

    183 ((( smile)))
    I wake up like that too sometimes. I get scared and anxious.
    I’ve started trying to reframe the energy and picture what I want for the future…What i want to add to my vision board…???
    Sometimes it helps. I’ve brainstormed a couple cool new ideas in those early hours!



  248.  #248MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 8:28 am

    BAB 225

    (((you))) I believe in you.



  249.  #249Emerson on November 5, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Hi heather welcome back 🙂 😉



  250.  #250MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Tam 218

    Just saw this! Beautiful. 🙂 The simplicity. I get this.

    It’s like…The feeling I get when he kisses my eyebrow. Such a simple thing but it holds immense beauty and magic and I can feel overwhelmed to breathlessness with something so small.



  251.  #251BAB on November 5, 2012 at 8:42 am

    I’m enjoying just reading today and to listening to my feelings.
    I am sensing tho that I’m closing off a little to them and I want to be open not closed..
    I want to feel!



  252.  #252Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 8:44 am

    @200 RN AmazingMe

    My man and I broke up last Thursday. I will just copy and paste what I posted on FB’s Siren Island since it’s kind of a long story:

    **********************

    My first question to him was “Where do we go from here?” At first he said he wanted more time, one month, two months and I told him I couldn’t wait for him that long, that I needed attention and he couldn’t give it to me. He agreed with me, said he couldn’t be in a relationship now and he doesn’t think he ever will be. He’s a lone wolf and can’t deal with having someone living with him full time. He’s persuaded that he will spend the rest of his life alone. I told him how sorry I was for him. He said don’t be sorry, this is the way I want to be. When I told him that I loved him, he just looked at me and said that he didn’t know what he felt anymore.

    I told him that I was going to look for someone and he said don’t wait for me. He also said he didn’t feel good when he knew that I was always waiting for him while he was away working.

    I asked him why he answered my ad two years ago then. He said that he thought it was for FWB because I didn’t mention LTR but I told him, no I didn’t write that, but I had said that I wanted someone to get to know and maybe try for long term. He said that when I told him I was ready to wait, he was willing to give it a try but then he saw how it didn’t work for him.

    It all went smoothly, we hugged for a long time and talked like friends for a good 25 minutes. I told him not to be a stranger, that he could call me if ever needed anything.

    I’m happy it went well and we left each other in good terms.

    ************

    Of course I would still like to be with him but I can’t make him love me just as I can’t make him change his mind and come back to me.

    And of course I can’t date anyone now, it’s way too soon and I need time to heal.

    Feeling very raw today, very vulnerable and alone and empty.



  253.  #253Tam on November 5, 2012 at 8:49 am

    (((((Francesca))))
    ‘Of course I would still like to be with him but I can’t make him love me just as I can’t make him change his mind and come back to me.’

    This is so true and such a hard thing to accept, well to accept it is easy but it is still sad…I feel you! And I know how that feels..



  254.  #254Heather on November 5, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Aahhh a few more familiar names 🙂 thank you ladies.

    I think there is beauty in clarity and freedom… without freedom I cannot experience my own truths. For so long I permitted myself to be emotionally held hostage… letting go of my fixation, my perception was hard enough but when I was able to see how clouded and out of touch with reality I had been, that hurt even worse. I don’t want to feel those things again, I know I will though. Just never in that same context 🙂

    Back to the gentleman’s statement about partner 1&2… what would a Siren do if the desire statement was flipped… i.e. we are speaking about something emotionally charged (I am not intitating) and it becomes all about him and I feel the desire to say what he says but fear his response, his truth? Vulnerability is terrifying. It’s easier to say less, but I see the value in “speaking more”… *conflicted*



  255.  #255MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Mmm now I desire to write about last night. My PMS saga continues. I feel light and amused today, but not so last night. I actually feel a little guilty over last night. Thinking about it now. He was just…hmmm attentive?…But, ahhh I was truthful and authentic and had negative FMs out my butt lol

    When I got home from work he was waiting with lunch ready to go and he had taken epic care of my doggy. Wonderful. And I did express such gratitude and adoration. But he was SO physically expressive in such an aggressive way. And very incessant. I felt SO tired from waking up at 0430 and the time change and work. My muscles were achy. I could only handle so much biting and tickling and being picked up and tossed around. At first I felt giggly and appreciative of the attention and it felt fun. But after nearly 2 HOURS of this, and almost non-stop it just started to feel physically painful and irritating and I felt pushed and angry. So my response started to shift from giggles to growls and from smiles to scowls. I had to release FM after FM after FM before he finally stopped.

    “I feel so achy! I can’t take anymore!”

    “I feel irritated! It’s enough now!”

    “I feel really annoyed and tired. My muscles hurt. I can’t handle this!”

    “I feel hot and bitchy and i’m PMSing. It feels difficult to get over irritated feelings and they are piling up on top of each other. I do appreciate the attention so much! But I need gentle today. Please.”

    It finally tapered off. I don’t think he was taking me seriously at first. Because we joke and wrestle a lot and poke and bite and tickle. And it IS fun. He eventually rubbed my thighs and I moaned and said ohhhh how good it felt. He gave me kisses and hugs and such and I felt better. But I could tell my demanding him to stop threw him off a bit. And I don’t want him to think I don’t like this type of play because I DO. It was just TOOOOO much yesterday.



  256.  #256BAB on November 5, 2012 at 8:51 am

    I feel really open in this moment!
    Yay that means I’m feeling..



  257.  #257MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Edited for moderation.

    Mmm now I desire to write about last night. My PMS saga continues. I feel light and amused today, but not so last night. I actually feel a little guilty over last night. Thinking about it now. He was just…hmmm attentive?…But, ahhh I was truthful and authentic and had negative FMs out my bum lol

    When I got home from work he was waiting with lunch ready to go and he had taken epic care of my doggy. Wonderful. And I did express such gratitude and adoration. But he was SO physically expressive in such an aggressive way. And very incessant. I felt SO tired from waking up at 0430 and the time change and work. My muscles were achy. I could only handle so much biting and tickling and being picked up and tossed around. At first I felt giggly and appreciative of the attention and it felt fun. But after nearly 2 HOURS of this, and almost non-stop it just started to feel physically painful and irritating and I felt pushed and angry. So my response started to shift from giggles to growls and from smiles to scowls. I had to release FM after FM after FM before he finally stopped.

    “I feel so achy! I can’t take anymore!”

    “I feel irritated! It’s enough now!”

    “I feel really annoyed and tired. My muscles hurt. I can’t handle this!”

    “I feel hot and b!tchy and i’m PMSing. It feels difficult to get over irritated feelings and they are piling up on top of each other. I do appreciate the attention so much! But I need gentle today. Please.”

    It finally tapered off. I don’t think he was taking me seriously at first. Because we joke and wrestle a lot and poke and bite and tickle. And it IS fun. He eventually rubbed my thighs and I moaned and said ohhhh how good it felt. He gave me kisses and hugs and such and I felt better. But I could tell my demanding him to stop threw him off a bit. And I don’t want him to think I don’t like this type of play because I DO. It was just TOOOOO much yesterday.



  258.  #258Starla on November 5, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Going through some weird, indecisive, lonely energy.

    love to me.



  259.  #259Olympia on November 5, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Things have been in a really good place with LLcd. I feel like I’m on my bridge, and he’s there too, making plans for a surprise in December and even talking about things we’ll do next summer. He tells me that he can’t imagine me not in his life, and that the way that I speak to him is incredible (yay feeling messages!).

    My focus right now is trying to figure out how to use the tools and apply them to my job. I feel sick to my stomach, and tight in my chest like I can’t breathe. My boss has not had anything positive to say about my work in what feels like months. I’m never asked to participate in any extra teams. He told me that other people had complaints about my work, and when I asked him what specific projects they were, he didn’t know, and admitted that he was just repeating what he had heard! It feels so frustrating!
    I am in the middle of planning what I can do, but I’ve never been in this situation before, it feels terrible to be considered bad at what I do. 🙁 I don’t see myself that way, but it does make me second guess myself.



  260.  #260Mercedes on November 5, 2012 at 9:41 am

    ” you once again did not listen to me and went right to you and your stuff.”

    I do this sometimes and I’m working on it. It’s hard for me to stay with other people and their problems/feelings/situations without interjecting my own experiences into it. It comes from a loving place…I only want to help and show people they are not alone but…I do realize how insensitive it can sound sometimes. I’m working on this. Nobody has ever told me it “hurts”, but sometimes when I catch myself doing it, I realize how rude it sounds. I wonder if they know it comes from a place of empathy…

    If I’m ever actually called out on it like the people above, I’m not sure how I would respond. I guess something like “Oh my gosh…thank you for calling me out on that…I am sooooo sorry! I know I do that and I’m trying really hard not to. I’m here with you now.”

    Sometimes when J and I aren’t really present when the other one is talking, we admit to it before it gets rude. If timing is bad and we’ve both got things to say or one of us is trying to finish up a text or an email or we’re preoccupied with work, etc, we’ll just admit it. “I’m moogling you right now. I’m so sorry. Give me just a sec.” and then when we can focus on each other we’ll say. “Ok. Thank you. I’m back and can hear what you’re saying.”

    Sometimes when we do it we call the other one out. “You’re totally moogling me right now.” (Said with a laugh). “Yes. I’m sorry. Just a sec.”

    It’s kind of fun because there are no hurt feelings when we do it that way. How much hurt or anger can there be when you give it a name like “moogle”. 🙂

    But I do have to work on just listening (with the intent to hear) and not hearing (with the intent to respond).

    Thank you for the article Rori. It’s bringing that back into my focus.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  261.  #261MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 9:43 am

    I am having an epiphany kind of day.

    Thank you universe. Thank you Daria’s words on FB. Thank you stix. Thank you experiences.



  262.  #262MissStix on November 5, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Mercedes

    We do this too. No hard feelings around “you’re so not paying attention!” with a laugh and “no i’m not hehe” and it’s light and fun. Though we don’t have a great word for it like “moogle” 😀

    I love your post today. It feels very honest and open. It helped me reinforce a belief. Thank you!



  263.  #263Mercedes on November 5, 2012 at 9:50 am

    You’re welcome MissStix…and thank you! We stole the word from Stephen King. “Lisey’s Story” I think…lol

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  264.  #264BAB on November 5, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Mercedes- I’m stealing that word lol too funny! I can teen read it with out feeling laughter inside:) hope you don’t mind lol



  265.  #265Tereana on November 5, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Uuughh. My neck is sore 🙁

    I’m the massage therapist who needs a massage right now!! lol. Maybe I’ll get one soon ; )

    Anyway, I’m not so sure about yesterday. Maybe I didn’t so much “release expectations” (I did some of that), so much as “freeze up,” though.

    He *said* that he would call me. He said he wanted to see me, actually, and I said I was too tired, but that he could still call. And yet he didn’t. He texted me only, and I was getting tired of texting. But I think I was too caught up in the “expectation” of a phone call at the time (and noticing that I was having it), so that I didn’t get to form any FMs about it.

    If I had, they might have sounded something like…”I feel tired of texting. You can call if you want, or I’ll just get ready for bed.”

    Or, “It would feel really good to talk to you right now.”

    I told him I’ll be too busy this evening, which is true. He’ll probably call me tonight ; ) lol

    Men. They’re so funny…

    But I really did have to release an expectation. I really did have to let go of the idea that just because he *said* he wanted to call me that he was actually going to do it. Maybe all he wanted to do was text, and give me attention that way, and maybe I can appreciate that. Maybe I don’t have to focus so much on what I was *not* getting, and instead have a good look at what was happening.

    And I had another comforting thought this morning – his calling me or not calling me has nothing to do with how much he’s thinking about me or how much he likes me.

    *whoa*

    To me, right now, separating those two is important. And maybe one of the keys to shifting my perspective. Because underlying the “expectation” of his calling or not calling is the belief that “if he calls me, he likes me, and if he doesn’t call me, then he doesn’t like me (i.e. he’s rejecting me).” And that seemed like a True Thing. Somewhere along the line, that belief was handed to me, not even by my family, but probably by society at large; by the offhand comments of a long array of women who would indicate that a phone call = he likes. Therefore the opposite: lack of phone call = problem.

    Whereas, from the guy’s perspective: That’s Not True.

    So dismantling that belief = awesome.

    /True.



  266.  #266Heart on November 5, 2012 at 9:57 am

    I love listening to the sound of rain…
    I wonder where the Guy-I’m-meant-to-be-with is now?
    Is he reading a book…is he late for work…
    Is he sitting in a cafe feeling hopeless that he’ll never find me?
    I feel that way too Guy-I’m-meant-to-be-with!! Don’t lose heart <3.



  267.  #267Mercedes on November 5, 2012 at 9:58 am

    LOL!!! Not at all BAB…as I said, WE stole it too. 🙂

    I think it’s just a fact of life. Sometimes, we are preoccupied. It happens to everyone. But J and I find it really, really important to be in the moment with each other. So…when we find ourselves (or the other one) distracted, we bring it to our attention. It helps to keep us aware. Kind of like saying “time out. Look up. Are you here?” Sometimes it’s okay to need a minute before you can devote your attention to your partner. It’s better to just say that than to half listen and half pretend to be listening. To me, it would hurt a lot worse to have him tune me out while I talk than to have him say “Hang on. I need like 2 minutes to moogle and I’ll be right with you. ” 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  268.  #268BAB on November 5, 2012 at 9:59 am

    I’m curious how you two came up with the idea of having a word? Did u just start using it or actually have a talk about it?



  269.  #269Heart on November 5, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Tam – Wow. What a story. I had a guyfriend say to me that stopped paying for women on dates because many of them were not really interested in him and just used him to get free drinks and food…He said it happened to him like 7 times before he decided he was not going to pay for women anymore. Wow…and he’s a bit of a tough guy so I was surprised that he opened…but it’s always a wow moment t hear the male perspective.

    Maybe that’s why your friend was acting so abrasive?



  270.  #270Mercedes on November 5, 2012 at 10:16 am

    The word was used that way in a Stephen King novel with both read. We just sort of started using it right away. It “fit” us. I’m not sure which one of us actually used it first, but we read the book at the same time so…I don’t know…it just happened.

    It’s much better than what I did before the word. He was texting someone from work one time while we were at dinner together. Now, I know his work is important and depending on what’s going on, sometimes it interrupts us…even at dinner…and I try to respect that. But that particular night, while he was texting the guy from work, I sent him a text saying “which of these two conversations if most important to you right now? work or me? and do you prefer talking or texting?”

    That was kind of rude of me. But he just laughed and said “okay, okay, I get it”. See…sometimes, we’re so used to knowing that work interrupts us that we don’t filter which part of that work is important enough to actually interrupt us. We just take care of work quickly and move on…when in reality, that particular email or text might have been able to wait til morning.

    Anyway….however we do it…we try really hard to make light of it. 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  271.  #271Tam on November 5, 2012 at 10:20 am

    268…Heart, nah, he just is someone who likes to criticise and stay in negative energy. I actually wanted to pay for everything but he didn’t let me – and then complained. Couldn’t win with this one, never happened to me before.
    I was invited, I was not expecting anyone to pay for anything – I am European and in my culture men typically don’t, so I am quite sensitive around the subject, hence this never happened to me before.
    He must have problems…he likes to criticise and nitpick..he is quite an amicable guy but keeps making sarky comments – I don’t care for that much to be honest.
    Sick and tired playing psychologist and excusing strange behaviour. I guess he was just an arrogant rich guy used to women worshipping him – and they did. Overfunctioning left, right and centre…
    I want to be around people who have manners, are polite and friendly and don’t make me feel uncomfortable.



  272.  #272Tereana on November 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

    lol…meanwhile, the other guy is calling me a whole bunch. But he keeps asking me questions that are first-date type questions. And yet he’s flaked on me twice. To be fair, I “flaked” on him last night. But only because I was legitimately tired, and also because he stopped short of really committing to meeting up. So I consider that to be him flaking first. It didn’t make sense for me get committed to the idea, either, or go out of my way for him. He was inviting me to his place. I mean, ridiculous! Like I’m going to go out of my way to see him when I’m tired, and he doesn’t have to go anywhere – just hang out in his house while I arrive.

    I don’t think so, buddy! lol

    Actually, I think this guy is “instant relationship”-ing me. It’s like he wants to skip all the preliminaries and go right to hanging out on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. Whatever, dude. Just because you have a child and feel responsible doesn’t mean you get to be lazy.

    Besides, I really don’t think it is going to work out. You’re nice and all, but…meh.

    I <3 Me!



  273.  #273Tam on November 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

    The kind of person who says something really quite offensive and then backtracks when they realise how offensive it was and then says ‘I am only kidding’. Urgh.



  274.  #274Heart on November 5, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Also, I didn’t realize it at the time…but opening up to my guyfriend and saying “I don’t care about him spending money on me, I just want to feel cared for and special” …made him totally open up to me and made me realize that men have a lot of hurts and concerns when it comes to women…
    Anyway – I’m looking forward to expressing these things with men I’m dating…

    Sirens – can u imagine that some men don’t even get that we Want to feel adored and cared for when on a date…that was big news for one of my guy friends…



  275.  #275MS on November 5, 2012 at 10:23 am

    #252
    ((Francesca)), I think you were very brave to say you wouldn’t wait. I really feel your situation resonate with me, I didn’t know my ex would disappear for 3 months when he said he needed space and I had to end the relationship without seeing him, because I was beginning to feel OK without him with the time passing and I didn’t want those ‘what if’ feelings to be stirred up by seeing him again. He sounds a lot like your ex, someone who prefers to be alone to work out their stuff and is convinced they will fail at relationships so while he wanted to be with me, he was just not there 100%. I do still miss him and I do know that raw feeling where your mind can’t rest and then you feel exhausted in your body. I hope you get out and about and reach out to a friend for company, that’s what really helped me apart from this blog, of course. I hope if he does make contact again, you think of yourself first and don’t feel you need to look after him, it was his choice to be alone and you’re the prize. Take care.



  276.  #276Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 10:24 am

    I feel like there are nasty monsters eating me up inside.



  277.  #277Tereana on November 5, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Hm…can we get an exact definition of “moogle”

    It sounds like a combo of “google” + “me”

    (even though I suspect the word is pre-google and/or has nothing to do with it)

    It seems to say “I’m on the internet and I’m in my stuff so I’m not paying full attention to you right now.”

    Is that what it’s supposed to mean?…

    And btw, nice. I like the idea of making light of it. In general, that seems a good way to go. That way no one has to feel really “bad,” but everyone can take responsibility for what they are doing. Which is good stuff : )



  278.  #278Heart on November 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

    lol Tereana!



  279.  #279Starla on November 5, 2012 at 10:31 am

    how can i take care of myself?
    -take myself out for a long, nice lunch
    how can i take care of myself?
    -make sure i get to work on all the errands/to-do’s that are weighing me down energetically the second i get home
    how can i take care of myself?
    drink lots of water



  280.  #280Heart on November 5, 2012 at 10:32 am

    @tereana I was laughing at the lazy-couch post…hehe



  281.  #281Starla on November 5, 2012 at 10:38 am

    i have a crush on someone who is 18 years older than me.

    When I met him I thought he would be maybe 5 or 10 years older, tops. If even. He looks like he’s barely over his mid thirties.

    i feel weird. i thought all this time he was closer to my age, and i feel attracted to him, but he’s like 46 years old. and i still feel interested in him.

    do i have major issues?



  282.  #282Tam on November 5, 2012 at 10:39 am

    OMG, I am totally obsessed. Feeling very amused with myself. I just went to join the library and she said ‘don’t come tomorrow because we are voting’ and I heard ‘we are boating’…how hilarious. So I scream through the library ‘BOATING?’ And the clerk looked like she wanted to shoot me and as though I was the most ridiculous person on the planet and said ‘ NO. VOTING!! We are a library’.
    OMG. I felt so amused as I walked out, I was giggling for 20 minutes….I have nothing but boats on my mind…eeeek!!!!!!!!!!!



  283.  #283MS on November 5, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Francesca, I feel for you. Don’t feel alone.



  284.  #284Heart on November 5, 2012 at 10:45 am

    hehe@tam



  285.  #285Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 10:55 am

    MS, thank you.

    I don’t have many friends here, actually there is only one person I can to about that. Awww, pity me.

    I’m grateful for the girls on FB’s Siren Island. I don’t know where I would be if they weren’t there for me.



  286.  #286Tam on November 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

    ((((Francesca)))) believe me, you are not alone, I really know how devastating this can feel……thinking of you. You sound so strong…you will get through this!!



  287.  #287Tam on November 5, 2012 at 10:59 am

    I also don’t have many friends here and the ones I do know, know this whole saga of mine already and I have avoided speaking any more. So much so that when I say I am going boating they say ‘ah with MrP’ and I cringingly have to say ‘no, other people’ – I don’t want to talk about it with people who know it, know him and don’t know yet that it’s all over, the friendship and everything else as they would just ask questions. So I stay quiet…but it all bottles up, sop I unleash it here…or on the few people I feel like speaking to, none of them live here. It is hard.
    I know how hard. You can lean on us though 🙂
    Do it, do it!!



  288.  #288Calypso on November 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

    JC texted me asking how my morning was going and asking if I wanted to come over on my lunch break for home made chicken & dumplings – yummy.

    Of course I went and it was nice. No one got naked, so I did not get in trouble for leaving too soon – lol. he did make a crack about me eating and running, but je knew I only get an hour lunch and it takes 20 minutes just to get to his house. I said, “Typical me . . .” and gave him a quick kiss before I left. he walked me out the door (shock!) and we neither one said “I love you”, which is good right now because it was already starting to sound forced to me last week.

    If he will back off and let me settle back down, we can have lots of fun times together and I do know how to be loving when I don’t feel like running . . . maybe we can both get what we need.



  289.  #289Starla on November 5, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I feel really open to any input regarding what I said in 280!:):)



  290.  #290Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 11:04 am

    That’s what I fear too, Tam. That people will get sick of hearing me sing the same “sad song” day in and day out.



  291.  #291Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Starla, no I don’t see any issues here.

    So what if he’s 18 years older than you?

    We don’t get to decide who will fall in love with, it just happens.



  292.  #292Tam on November 5, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Sing it to us Francesca… 🙂
    We won’t get sick at all, we are all in the same boat (here she goes again…sorry)



  293.  #293Daria on November 5, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Starla – one of my recent CDs that was handsome and was even my favorite for a short while was 44



  294.  #294Starla on November 5, 2012 at 11:09 am

    that’s about how much older than me my parents are



  295.  #295BAB on November 5, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Still feeling rather blah, not numb anymore tho.. I don’t think lol
    I just feel like I’m existing here on the couch while the baby sleeps in my lap.
    I feel quiet and still.
    Just wanting to stay in this state so I can remain open.
    Going to practice feel/hearing the dad when he gets home lol
    Why not?…
    I feel confident and genuine saying I love me right now.



  296.  #296Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I want to get myself a cat to keep me company.



  297.  #297Tam on November 5, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Starla, I find it has little to do with age initially, later when you get to know them really well there can be differences because of that. People are all different, some look and act so much younger – and some are old before their time. I would date people up to about 15 years older than me but the guy friend I was with this weekend is 15 years older than me and seems like an old man. So he is too old for me.
    Others can be even older and seem absolutely fine – about attitude mostly.
    Take it as it comes….I’d say no worries.



  298.  #298Starla on November 5, 2012 at 11:19 am

    people would gossip and talk and my family would be mortified haha



  299.  #299Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Has he ever shown you that he could be into you, Starla?



  300.  #300Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 11:20 am

    People will always talk.



  301.  #301Starla on November 5, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Francesca,
    Yes, I think he’s into me.



  302.  #302BAB on November 5, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Francesca- 295 me to me too! Lol sadley bf says no:( some day!



  303.  #303Mercedes on November 5, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Ok…I googled the word “moogle” and basically got nothing. Then I googled the words “moogle” and “stephen king” and the third thing down was my blog!! LOL. I guess I’ve told the story of that word before. haha!

    So, in other words, I have no idea what it actually means but I do know what it means for us and it makes us smile. 🙂 YAY! Good enough for me!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  304.  #304BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Mercedes-lol love that! I’m gonna google it ha



  305.  #305Mercedes on November 5, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Unless you like video games. If you do, here’s what a moogle really is:

    “Awesome, badass little fuzzy guys from Final Fantasy. They end every sentecne by saying “Kupo”, kupo!”

    “Catlike creature. Has a large red ball on its head attached by a long hair. Some can fly. Some can fight. Some are lazy bastards. All say kupo.”

    “cute furry little creatures with wings and a bobble on their head in every Final Fantasy game, which is the best game series in the world.
    Use the world ‘kupo’ at the end of sentences, usually when being friendly. ”

    Much Love to the gamers in the house,
    Mercedes



  306.  #306Mercedes on November 5, 2012 at 11:35 am

    BAB/Rebekah – Cool!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  307.  #307BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Sry for the name add on everyone, just felt guarded to have a fake name here.. Felt like I was hiding.



  308.  #308Mercedes on November 5, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Now I’m stuck on this. I’ve googled and googled and even went to amazon and I can’t find the word. I’m sure it was Stephen King.

    In any case, we both read some book by some author at the same time and stole the word. I guess I just can’t remember what the book was or who the author was. We’ve been using it for about 4 years now…I guess that’s long enough to forget the name of the novel. lol

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  309.  #309Dominique on November 5, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Starla – It’s not unusual. It doesn’t mean you have issues necessarily though just to be sure, I would suggest checking in with yourself to see if you have any deeper daddy stuff to look at and maybe heal.

    Aside from that, we can be attracted to all kinds of people, male and female, younger, older.

    It doesn’t matter what other people think. It only matter what you feel.

    xxoo



  310.  #310Olympia on November 5, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Starla,

    I was with a man that was 30 years older than me off and on for about 2 and a half years. My friends would ask me what it was like, was it weird? Some of the things yes, some of the things no. Physically, he was in shape, he was attractive to me. The age didn’t make a difference there. We connected over a common love of music and loved talked about business — in a way he was a mentor to me, workwise.

    The parts where the age difference was hard was integrating friends groups. He was *very* set in his ways, so I really ended up cut off from my friends, because he was not interested in going out or spending time with them. He liked going to the same restaurants and staying in at his house, so I ended up really isolated. It scared me that I felt that isolated before we were married, had kids, etc — I could only see it getting worse as we/he got older.

    The other place where the age difference was hard, that I didn’t realize until I was out of the relationship and with someone new, was that I wasn’t able to share my whole self with him. College was a big part of my (fairly) recent past and now I bond with my new boyfriend laughing over stories that we both can related to. With my ex being much older, he was never really interested/understood this big whole part of my past. If there hadn’t been a lot of other problems and we stayed together, it likely would have been less a problem over time as we built shared experiences, but I didn’t know how much I missed it until I had it again.

    Your age different is not so great, I realize, but thought I would share some of what came up for me.



  311.  #311Starla on November 5, 2012 at 11:56 am

    no daddy stuff… i actually dumped a guy once when i found out he was 40. i thought he was much younger. but i feel especially attracted to this different man.



  312.  #312Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 11:59 am

    I would say go for it then, Starla.



  313.  #313Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    BAB, I was supposed to move in with him and we had planned to get two cats later on and named them Alice and Cooper.

    That won’t happen but I stil want to get a kitty for me now.

    I always had cats when I was younger, I miss it.



  314.  #314Daria on November 5, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Aww thank you Forest Siren



  315.  #315Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 12:05 pm


  316.  #316BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Francesca- how cute! You should get one then:) we have names picked out too but Im pretty sure we aren’t getting one anytime soon.



  317.  #317Daria on November 5, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Thank you Sunshine 🙂 that felt so warm to read



  318.  #318Mercedes on November 5, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Francesca: Thank you. I should have posted the link.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  319.  #319Daria on November 5, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Wow Miss Stix it felt exciting to read how my words impacted you



  320.  #320BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I’m feeling a knot in my stomach trying to form.. Not sure why but I’m letting it sit there, waiting to understand it.
    I feel it’s wrapped up preoccupied thoughts of what’s he thinking, what’s going on thoughts. Taking my focus away and just looking at everything around me and being still. Taking no action.
    This feels good. I love my knots.



  321.  #321BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Yay knot gone, not sure what I did.. Lol guess it wanted to be felt.



  322.  #322Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Mercedes, you’re welcome!

    I like Urban Dictionary, very useful.



  323.  #323Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    BAB, yes I will get a cat. I’ve made up my mind about it.



  324.  #324Daria on November 5, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Cd who just confirmed just canceled w a sudden text asking me to pick a place in an area 45 min from here cuz he has an important client 1 1/2 hours after the start of our scheduled meeting date.

    Hmmm

    I feel triggered

    I handled it well and didn’t take control or suggest canceling tho

    I feel a bit bummed by men

    I didn’t hear from Scorpio CD who I had the two great dates with

    And now with this cancelation I don’t have any planned dates



  325.  #325Daria on November 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    And I’m a bit sad altogether

    Very ready to take ‘same day dates’

    I had a couple when I was free – one bad one good

    I feel bummed

    There’s stuff I could do for me, alone

    My mom is not staring her feelings of not feeling good being talked to that way and instead going into pleasing/ disrespecting and I know she’s going to wind up depressed tonite or at latest tomorrow

    I feel so upset w this

    Watching helplessly knowing what would help but not knowing how to get it going be listened to etc

    Feeling very pity bad



  326.  #326Daria on November 5, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Thank you for not saying ‘oh well’ ‘shrig’ to me Daria

    I feel shut down when that happens

    Writing this I feel smoothed out and smily



  327.  #327Heart on November 5, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    A mutual friend asked me about CudG in an email…
    I wrote back & downplayed the whole thing and was just like “Yes, we hung out a little. It was no big deal…not very deep or meanigful” …Gosh I feel bad and good.

    I realize that I wasn’t “downplaying” it…that it was actually the truth but also…it was a lie…because it held some meaning for me.

    Also I feel scared the mutual friend will tell I wrote to CudG…
    I feel paranoid…
    I feel like I did something wrong…
    I feel like – wow that CudG thing was A Long Time ago…
    Maybe this is the story I need to tell myself to move forward – it was no biggie….it was not deep…

    Wow…its been like over month since he poofed…I feel so bored of hoping to hear from him. I’m looking forward to the new guy.



  328.  #328Femininewoman on November 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    RE 282 Tam hilarious. Keep your mind on your boating. It will come to you



  329.  #329Tam on November 5, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    328 FW – this has amused me all day…I am easily pleased 🙂



  330.  #330Indigo on November 5, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Hi Sirens

    Bad night for me. I slept with ex yesterday… bad idea, I know. Especially since I still have anger towards him. Anyway, he was actually quite loving but I am under no illusions, there is no way, shape or form I can have a relationship with this man.

    Anyway, I was quite good today, kept away from all forms of contact… until late-ish tonight. When I Skyped him hello and he said not now, I’m busy. It was such a total brush-off and it was meant to feel like one, as he ignored a phone call from me, and when he did come back on to Skype was completely impatient and cold.

    I feel angry with myself. Angry that I contacted him, angry that I allow myself to be the puppet on the end of the string, angry for pushing, angry because I know this is what he is like. I know this is how he will treat me.

    Angry because this feels like my *own* anger not his.



  331.  #331BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    So he expressed wanting to have txt messaging FIRST reciprocated. I replied with “but your the man baby” in a joking tone followed by a laugh. He laughed to and said “yeahhh”
    Is It wrong that I want to txt him first then ( every once in a while) so he gets what he’s needing, or am I being masculine? I could use some inside here..
    I also kinda get the vibe that he’s being in the feminine role by saying this, only because he has not been texting as much as, say last week before he told me this. I feel like I should ignore it and do like rori says and out girl him!? Humm



  332.  #332Femininewoman on November 5, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    ((((((((((((((Indigo))))))))))))) – I’ve been there myself



  333.  #333Femininewoman on November 5, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    BAB – Is he committed to you in word and deed?



  334.  #334Indigo on November 5, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    I don’t know where this anger comes from. I feel so frustrated not knowing where it comes from. I hate that it shows up again and again. I feel stuck.

    I want to love my anger, and I want to love the anger of others. But I don’t.

    It feels ugly. It feels like cruelty.

    Apologies for the heavy post. This is a very heavy subject for me. I want to heal it, I don’t know how. There is such shame around this for me. I am such a strong person normally, why does this ugly horrible situation keep whacking me over the head.



  335.  #335BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    I don’t want to make him feel like his needs are not a factor but I also prefer when the man txt me, because this keeps me from reverting way back it to the masculine and all my leaning forward. And that’s why I said what I did.



  336.  #336Indigo on November 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Thank you Femininewoman, very much.



  337.  #337BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    333- I’m not sure what you mean?



  338.  #338Dominique on November 5, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    BAB – Since I know your story quite well, I will say it’s perfectly okay to initiate once in awhile. It’s a lovely gesture even. You will feel if it ever gets to be too much initiating on your part. You will start to feel something feels off or unbalanced. If it continues, you can feel downright icky.

    xxoo



  339.  #339Smile on November 5, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Something feels different. I can’t place it. It doesnt feel good or bad just different. But the different feels like an old familiar.
    I love my confused feelings.



  340.  #340BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Dominique- Yes I know the feeling, right now I’m not feeling that way over texting but I was there a few months ago, it felt terrible. I am however still feeling that in the sexual intimacy area and that feels just as upsetting. Thank you for the encouragement!



  341.  #341Starla on November 5, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    thanks for the input ladies:)
    i will see him tomorrow at a swanky political function 😀



  342.  #342Smile on November 5, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Emerson, thank you. I like the sound of the visionboard. I will try this. Is this ‘imaginary’ ideas about what you want for the future?



  343.  #343Indigo on November 5, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I love my anger.

    I love my shame.

    (((((feelings of being stuck and uncomfortable))))))

    I wish I had patience for this. I wish I didn’t feel so bad about myself that I can’t figure it out, I wish it wasn’t covered with a hazy fog in my mind. Ugh.

    (((((((Indigo)))))))



  344.  #344Starla on November 5, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    oh, wait, he’s 21 years older than me! eeeesh, he’s like basically 50 years old. I’m 27



  345.  #345Heart on November 5, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Well – I applied for a new job somewhere else…I really hope I get it…but I have yet to be called for an interview…*impatient*



  346.  #346BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    (((Indigo)))



  347.  #347Heart on November 5, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    starla! …eek



  348.  #348Turquoise on November 5, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    I know FW, it’s just terrible. Apparently she had him standing on the 4 foot railing and he fell forward and went in. 11 dogs attacked and killed him. I have felt many times that the exhibit wasn’t safe enough, that someone could go over…. but I wouldn’t stand my child up on the railing either. I’m sure there are signs saying to not do that. The local people here are going crazy, condemning her on facebook and in the media. I feel soooo terrible for all involved. That poor terrified baby… The family, the zoo people, the witnesses… it’s just a tragic accident and I don’t know how she will ever recover.



  349.  #349Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    I feel like crying now but I can’t, I’m at work. 🙁



  350.  #350Starla on November 5, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    (((((((((francesca)))))))))



  351.  #351Francesca on November 5, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Can’t wait to get home, have a good cry, let it all out and then listen to David Wygant pep talking me.



  352.  #352Turquoise on November 5, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    I’m finding it dreadfully hard to not think about Mr. Conversation. I had to make a deal with myself that I wouldn’t look at my phone for at least a half hour at a time to see if he’d texted me. He hasn’t. This is the longest we’ve gone, without talking. 2 days.

    But, I know he needs to be the one to lean forward if things are going to change. If I call him, he’d probably take it, we’d talk a little about what happen… and things might go back to the way they were, but I had a lot of doubt if that was best for me.

    I know I should be CDing like crazy right now, but i can’t even think about that right now. I actually hid my profiles. I really care about him, I’m hurting. I’m not in a place to start something new. Even a conversation with someone else right now… feels like I’d have to fake happiness to even get through it. And what guy wants to hear that you are sad things didn’t work out with someone else? No one. So, relieved to leave work and be busy with my girls tonight. Keeping busy makes things easier.

    I wonder if he misses me too…. of if it’s too soon, or feels like a relief to him…. or if he’s angry. I just feel sad and trying to be logical about it. That maybe it’s for the best.



  353.  #353Iamabutterfly on November 5, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Ran into Mr. Stares me Down. I felt exposed and scared. (To be fair, I was about to get my period the next day, little did I know…)

    We were locked out of the building we were both going to, standing next to each other. There were other people there, that I did not know. He completely ignored me and was a social butterfly with every other person out there. I felt really mad.
    It would have been very easy for him to say “hi.”

    Then, once we got inside, I waited to go into the lecture a little later than he did.

    When I walked in, he had the balls to stare at me as I walked in and sat down. So, he’s one of those guys who stares but doesn’t speak.

    Grow a pair!

    I feel angry…



  354.  #354BAB/Rebekah on November 5, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Listen with the intent to hear.. Whoever said that,thank you!



  355.  #355Iamabutterfly on November 5, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Something interesting also happened with Jack CD. He came over and sat near me, to where I was facing his profile. He seemed really, really nervous.

    I found it cute for some reason. He isn’t usually like that. I think I liked it though, because it felt authentic. Sometimes, he puts on a little bit of an act. (don’t all guys?) to appear more confident than he actually is. I like him better nervous…

    Finally he looked over at me and said the sweetest thing and I can’t even remember what it was!

    and all I could was smile (beam, really) which made him beam, so we shared a nice beaming moment together. It felt so good.

    but then, I kept feeling like he wanted me to go talk to him after we separated. but I felt really scared and nervous to do that, for some reason.

    I feel kind of intrigued, but kind of tired of him not stepping up at the same time.

    wondering what my place is in all of this.
    feeling a little hopeful, and a little frustated…



  356.  #356Daria on November 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    lamabutterfly – did you smile widely looking into his eyes? i find that works with my dad to say hi first to me



  357.  #357Heart on November 5, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    ninja sliiiiiiiiiiiide



  358.  #358Starla on November 5, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    well, i am flirting my ass off with a much older man as we speak.



  359.  #359Daria on November 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    thank you pussy i love you

    i felt so scared i irritated my nani even more and would have another bladder infection/uti/kidney issue

    but now i feel calmer and more relaxed

    and i am DEF gettin the message to speak up and have sex ONLY for me

    NOT FOR THE Other PERSon!



  360.  #360Daria on November 5, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    sigh i was fuchked up scared!

    still denumbing

    omy wow



  361.  #361T-Girl on November 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Turq, it sounds as if he acted hastily by defriending you. I can almost bet that he regrets it and is thinking about you. Leaning back is definitely the best thing now.



  362.  #362Daria on November 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    should i call fave CD to come get me and me spend time w him when i feel so good w him?

    or should i not and also he hasnt called me in 2 days

    hmm

    i can just be by myself and feel all shocked and frightened and weird

    (((((Daria))))))

    that feels sad!



  363.  #363Daria on November 5, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    i notice myself way in masculine energy

    whoa

    ((((Daria)))))

    my lil girl i think feels ‘out’ and ‘numb’ and ‘shocked’ still



  364.  #364Daria on November 5, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    im getting ready to lean forward w guys even offering to let them borrow gas money just so i could have somone to chill an smoke with right now

    but wait sigh

    mmm will that feel good overall?

    it will feel good for the moment but what if i feel all lonely tomorrow?

    im starting to feel a bit better actually

    my pussy is starting to feel better too



  365.  #365Daria on November 5, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    wow go Daria!

    i just wrote this to a guy

    “hey thanks for the compliment and interest and honestly this feels uncomfortable to write but since i got stood up last time we were supposed to meet im not interested anymore. take care and good luck in the future.”



  366.  #366Daria on November 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    i feel so so glad my nani is not feeling like she’s getting a bladder infection anymore

    thank you to this lovely herb blend capsules (Uribiotic) i took that helped me last time

    and im learning so much about my body

    my nani was only feeling a slight inner strangeness

    and then i took my Apple cider vinegar bath to try to help with that

    and During the bath i tried to make sure that it was getting in there

    Adn then AFTER i started feeling like i may be getting a bladder infection i mean i had to pee and couldnt and got all the symptoms and started freaking out

    adn i feel so glad i found i had more of these capsules so i took some and then relaxed and focused on something else and now im feeling more and mroe relaxed and better

    still a lil irritated but just slightly and i just peed nice healthy pee

    oh wow

    so scary for me

    okay

    my nani is like a wild animal

    she really just likes what she likes and won’t stand for what she doesn’t

    okay

    i am learning from this

    and now i will be able to express to my lovely No Name CD and see what happens



  367.  #367Daria on November 5, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    also a CD is on his way to come hang out and smoke w me

    and i didnt lean forward 🙂



  368.  #368Daria on November 5, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    CD is here… I feel a bit sad… I miss Scorpio CD



  369.  #369Antonia on November 5, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    I have been following the blog for over two years now. Got blueprint and modern then. Only posted a couple times two years ago. Anyway have practiced the tools and met a man about a year ago who was very masculine energy, pursued, made plans/arrangements, and in a lot of ways was perfect in the context of my family. We dated for 6 months exclusively, and during that time he was very emotional. I naturally feel compassion and stayed very much in open energy but when I wanted to take some space due to his high emotions he threatened suicide. I finally broke it off bc it got to be too much and he sent a picture of his bloody attempt this past Fri. I asked him to call 911 and stayed on the phone until they got there. He lives a few states away. I guess I’m writing this bc although I did the leaning back receiving and on the surface was very much taken care of I did not listen to my gut. I felt confused by the discrepancy of what was good vs not. I was trying to reconcile the trade off. He was not who I was initially attracted to but stayed open trying to get use to being treated right as in open doors, pay for dates and trips, constant (more than enough) text/calls.. And tried to go with how that felt and hoping I’d get there. Being someone a little more recovered from codependency I tried to gently guide him out of victim hood while maintaining my boundaries. bc I do believe we are all our brothers keepers it was important for me not to abandon someone suffering.. However I stated several times to him that I was not qualified to really help and that I had faith he could get through this rough patch and do what he needed to for himself. Unfortunately some ppl stay a good while in a negative space and may never get out.. I had to respect his timeline and process and remove myself from it though. He was a bit of a mirror for me and I feel exauhted and more mature bc of it. I wish him well, it makes me sad to see ppl suffer, and I hope he gets the qualified help he needs. During it though I felt very manipulated and started to feel resentful like all his good and nice gestures weren’t real or coming from a whole and healthy place. I have given from an agenda manipulative place before and as bad as it feels to give from that place it’s largely unconscience:( It feels so much worse to receive from that place though. I will definately listen to my inner guiding truth above all else. I will practice cultivating, listening, and trusting this part of me that has my highest best interest in mind. Thanks for listening. I have learned so much here and very much appreciate it even the growing pains. Blessings to you all



  370.  #370Sassy on November 5, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Starla,

    Have fun with it. It’s all just practice.



  371.  #371Antonia on November 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Just saw how long previous post was.. Sorry about that. I feel bad



  372.  #372BAB on November 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Me trying to keep my cool after bd came home 1 1/2 late w no txt before hand. He comes straight to me and gives me kisses and say sorry I am late j forgot I had to get Emily his co worker a soda so I had to go bank a forth a few times. Me: instant anger and feeling very much like the lesser woman. He hugs me and says I missed you I repeated it because I did. Him what’s wrong. Me: I need a moment he almost jumped back and started to walk away saying oh ok! I began to fallow and he turned around and said what I giggled l( mistake, nervous laughter) because he thought I was fallowing him, when I was just headed the same direction. He said I thought you needed a minute, I replied yes I do. He starts cleaning up and doing dishes. I finish my thing while I tried to get my words straight for a feeling message about this and shyly went into where he was stood against the doorway with my hands behind my back and said ok I can hear you now. Him: huh? I said where you wanting to finish what you were saying? He looks hurt right now, I was just wanting to talk. Me: oh ok! Him: small talk, then what’s wrong? Me: I was just feeling a lot like idk the lesser woman, I was trying to hold back tears as always because I saw he was feeling down. I shouldn’t have. I stumbled over my words and told him after he asked a few tones why I was feeling like less and what he was doing to make it feel/seem that way? I shrugged (Uggg I handled this so poorly) and said it just feels sometimes like I’m less important then them snd I was already feeling triggered to anger because of dinner and no txt. He apologized for not txting during me. And I said thank you, and said that it just would have felt nice if I had a txt do I didn’t have to wonder ( again ugh ) I corrected myself so I wouldn’t be feeling worried. He agreeded and apologized for not txting and for not txting during the day week more. And explained it was because he was stressed snd running around and that he would try and do better, if I would let him ( he said this with a smile) I didn’t not smile but looked him in the eyes and said thank you. He said what and I told him I was just possessing still. He looked defeated by this and got sad. I asked for s hug a little after and he gave me a long bar hug snd i mealted. We made small talk for a min or two and he told me after I asked a little about this day and the stressed. I told him I was sorry he was stressed. Them he thanked me again for making dinner and I thsnked him, he thsnked me for making extra and I blurted out I didn’t I just haven’t eaten yet. ( I wanted to cry after that, I didn’t mean it to hurt him but subconsciously I must have) his shoulders fell and he said sorry I feel like an ass now, I thought you did that’s why I was only getting stuff out for me. I said no don’t be, you didn’t know, it’s ok. He was very hurt by this and I could feel I did wrong. He began to help me with my food and was being very manly about it as spossed to a few trs before. I was feeling super terrible. But took a second and then walked to the table turned around and said, sorry N. he emidiarly said no its fine, I stopped him and said no not about before but for saying that about dinner. I spoke hastily and I know I hurt ur feelings by doing do. He again said no its ok but said thank you for saying that. I said of course your welcome. We ate kinda in silence and sat by each orher with a show. He interrupted and said sorry to stop the show but would you mind if I go out w a girl friend tomorrow for dinner, or did u have plans for us? I said yeah us that something you wanna do? He said well yeah but I know your mad at me do I didn’t know of you wanted me to reschedule for another time? I looked at him and said no iam not mad at you, I just felt I needed to be honest to my feelings and myself and tell you what I was feeling and why. He said oh it’s ok, i wabt to enjoy this time with you and for you to be ok. I began to get musty and said no I feel like I need to tell you. He said ok and paused the show and turned towards me. I repeated it and said I have a hard time feeling guilty for telling other ppl about my feelings and how I feel in the moment. He said its ok I don’t want you to feel bad and you shouldn’t, as he rubbed the hair from my face. I smiled and thanked him and thanked him for being so sweet and understanding and always being so nice no matter what I say. He kissed my forehead and said that back to me with a smile and a laugh. We both kissed and smiled at each other. Then he excused himself to the bathroom and to txt his girl friend. As he came out he made a joke and then said sry I was to take a work call. Idk. I feel happy sad and upset with myself, but I feel the air between us is finally fresh/cleared.



  373.  #373Turquoise on November 5, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Being busy really helped! I took my youngest to a new gymnastics class and had a really nice conversation with 3 other parents. I got to watch my baby learn new tricks and have a great time. I’m going to be ok, no matter what. Whew.



  374.  #374Turquoise on November 5, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    I hope so T-girl. A little space is good. We’ve gone 5 days without seeing each other, but have always talked multiple times a day. I caught myself wanting to ask him things or wondering what he was doing… Multiple times. Being busy tonight hot my mind off of him.



  375.  #375BAB on November 5, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Sry for the humungo post didn’t have my note book. needed to purge..



  376.  #376Daria on November 5, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Wow I called Scorpio CD and asked him for help w my loneliness and he’s actually coming

    I feel embarassed to be needy , panicked , and blown away that he’s coming

    Moving in me

    Pfff
    And

    I was gona wait for him to take me to eat

    But I’m getting myself Thai curry while I wait

    I want to live somewhere I can feel comfortable going home high

    I wish I lived w Scorpio CD

    I’m feeling bummed it doesn’t feel safe to go home high when I’m at my creative and vulnerable

    I don’t allow myself to feel that usually I numb out the pain

    Cuz I don’t deserve cuz I shouldn’t be high but that’s not true

    I trust Daria si much

    I deserve a place where I can feel confortable bein high

    I’m glad I can wrote about this

    Wow

    Abd j Wang to be comfortable to sing, loud

    And not be a bad thing or loneliest or in any way worse than now as punishment for wanting something different

    Ouch

    Yay it’s safe now



  377.  #377Daria on November 5, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    I love my dissapontment that I got pumpkin curry instead of red curry



  378.  #378Daria on November 5, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Scorpio CD is coming
    Is this ok?

    Is it ok for me to be this needy?

    This feels wonderful

    I feel lost



  379.  #379Daria on November 5, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    He has a speaking style like one of my old school guy friends and I remner ppl saying he was gay and I’m associating Scorpio CD w it cuz I’m extremely inquisitive/watchful for signs a man is gay

    Is that good for me?

    What if I relax

    Sigh



  380.  #380Daria on November 5, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    I’m feeling kinda blown away

    This reminds me of feeling way taken care of by my highschool boyfriend



  381.  #381Daria on November 5, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    I feel scared to not bug him by being needy and relying on him to be happy



  382.  #382Daria on November 5, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    That’s what were not supposed to do right?

    Rely on him to come thru and care for me when Im lonely and cold?

    I feel confused

    Highly triggered



  383.  #383Daria on November 5, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    I feel like this is my dirty secret

    I don’t have anyone to hang put w while I’m high alone and cold and sometimes hungry and sometimes have to pee

    Strait homeless style

    But I try to play it off like Hames Bondette 008



  384.  #384Indigo on November 5, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    Thank you BAB/Rebekah

    I woke up this morning and the fog is still there. I don’t know how this day is going to go.



  385.  #385sunshine on November 5, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Daria I felt nice to read your thanks and also suprized:) I felt embarrassed also to post on here that I felt worried because my guy is seeing all my crazy/insecure parts….but I also feel that there is intimacy because of it and its working, it also helps when i know that sharing my scary feeling parts is backed up by a relationship expert and has thousands of followers lol…its the extra push for me to tell him how i feel no matter what it is:)



  386.  #386Daria on November 5, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    I feel all gushy



  387.  #387Tereana on November 5, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    Ah….sometimes I have to remember that these guys are just practice : )

    But then, sometimes they say things that get into my skin. They get into my psyche. I guess I still probably shouldn’t take them seriously. At least not until I see results.

    It’s always easy in the beginning. When I’ve first met a guy, I have no expectations, and no investment. But after even a few days, all that can shift.

    Still working with some of my codependency stuff, I guess.

    I CAN do this. I CAN have a healthy relationship.

    I can and I will have everything that I want. I am precious and worthy and I am the prize….

    Now…if this new CD does not confirm for tomorrow, do I a) show up anyway, just in case? Or b) not go, since I need/want a confirmation? Should I express my intentions?

    We set the date up last week. I ran into him on Saturday, and he said he was counting the hours till he could see me. This afternoon, he’s been quiet, though. I don’t know why it’s bothering me. I’ve been doing my best to focus on myself, but I think I feel nervous. I don’t know what to expect…

    Hm.. Maybe a feeling message for him? Thatight be good. I have to work in the morning. But if I don’t hear anything from him, then I think a FM will be in order… : )

    Xoxo, g’night! 🙂



  388.  #388Emerson on November 6, 2012 at 12:09 am

    282 tam I love this story I literally laughed out loud when I read it!!! You are so funny!



  389.  #389Tam on November 6, 2012 at 3:23 am

    Thanks Emerson, well in hindsight everything is funny to me too…ha!!!



  390.  #390Turquoise on November 6, 2012 at 4:02 am

    Now I’m dreaming about Mr. Conversation….. Ugh. Was a nice dream, but thinking about him, I feel sad and miss him. When I don’t think about him, I feel surprisingly ok. Like everything will be ok, no matter what. Today is 3 days since the fight. Feels so sad to me…. One fight, and that’s it. Communication just stops. Sigh, leaning back and giving space/ taking space.
    Today is Election Day. I’ll vote later and am taking the girls so they can see what it’s like.



  391.  #391Heart on November 6, 2012 at 4:57 am

    370 Bab – this guy came & told you he was late cuz he had to get something for another girl…and then after you open up & tell him how you feel…he comforts you and go to text the girl?
    (((bab)))
    I don’t know if your processing and not wanting feedback…but maybe he’s bringing a message to you that you should get more male friends?

    Anyway: Yet another example of how feeling messages do not help some men/women understand us.

    I am finding that using Fms and then doing the same thing back to the person…actually helps more to change/eradicate the behavior…I experimenting with this…and I hope some sirens experiment tooo. I love fms…I find them freeing and authentic etc but I don’t want to get walked over and I want to have the relationship I want…
    In this case, after she expressed all her feelings about feeling second best…and then have him text his friend over dinner…BAB should have just gone on her phone and start texting her guyfriend….and I would bet he would take notice, get upset but also totally understand her feeling more…

    This has worked for me a few times….I tried resolving issues with FMs…and found that other than an initial sympathizing..The perso did not change…only until I ALSo gave the people a taste of their of their own medicine did the stop acting like that..thoughts?
    Try it? Experiment?



  392.  #392LoveAlways on November 6, 2012 at 5:13 am

    Good Morning Sirens:

    Feeling better today, almost like I woke up from sleeping after being sick. I feel like getting up and getting out finally! A slow recovery process this is. One thing I know for sure today – It’s All About Me. Thank you all for supporting and comforting me. I know I still have a ways to go.

    Namaste

    LoveAlways



  393.  #393LoveAlways on November 6, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Oh, my leaning back/stepping away has been successful thus far. I have not overfunctioned or leaned forward, not ONCE!!!! I’m in my Rori dance position and just responding (mostly with feelings message). Yea for me!



  394.  #394Tam on November 6, 2012 at 5:30 am

    Hm. I know we are never supposed to want to get into a man’s head. But it seems like a great mystery to me. men’s heads. And I often wonder what goes on in there.
    I do wonder why they change on a dime and why, why, why.
    And I know this is not at all useful. But still, I can’t help wondering sometimes.



  395.  #395Heart on November 6, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Tam – should I unfriend CudG on Facebook?
    I’m still hoping he contacts me deep down inside and I’m breating myself for it and I’m berating myself for berating myself while trying to love myself in the process…i feel angry today..it’s been ages since he poofed…



  396.  #396Tam on November 6, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Heart, I don’t know…to be honest with you, I have no idea what I would do. I am in a phase where I feel like whatever I do is not a good idea and my self esteem has hit rock bottom and I don’t feel good advising anybody anything because it seems nothing is working out for me right now…. hrmpf.

    If you don’t want to see him on your fb then I do suggest unfriending him, but if it is perhaps a tiny bit to draw attention, maybe not. I have unfriended a couple of guys that annpyed me with comments or wanted to date me and then posted tons of pictures with artificial looking blow up doll women and it was triggering me and I just deleted and blocked them, they weren’t even friends so I feel better not to see their stuff running down my wall.

    What do you feel like doing?



  397.  #397Tam on November 6, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Go with your heart, Heart.



  398.  #398BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Heart 389

    I see what you are swaying. I was initially annoyed especially once he started hiding his phone and checking it sneakily. In my head I was saying this is because he doesn’t want to make It seem like he was giving the girl on the other end more attention then me in the moment.
    Now if the is true or not I feel uncertain. But I’m trying really hard not to focus on what he’s thinking. So I dropped it.
    I also atone the lack on his part to my terrible stab at a feeling message. When he asked what he was doing wrong witness girls o make me feel this way. I should have said what it was. Instead I shrugged because I started to feel bad that I was saying anything and it threw me off. 🙁 I need alot more practice.
    I love my stumbles.



  399.  #399Tam on November 6, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Even that is odd advice coming from me.
    I have always gone with my heart and I couldn’t have done it any other way. But I realise that perhaps it is time to look at my head every now and then…it could have saved me from a lot of trouble in the past year. Sometimes I went with my heart even knowing that it was the wrong thing to do, just because it felt good at the time. The short term benefits made for long term misery.
    I feel lost today.



  400.  #400BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 6:15 am

    I’m feeling the urge to snoop really bad, I know and feel this is wrong.
    I can’t get the gremlins out.
    Need some encouragement. Need some reading.
    I love my trust issues.



  401.  #401Heart on November 6, 2012 at 6:22 am

    (((bab))) I feel angry at him…I’m sorry…I feel triggered…I wonder if we make too many excuses for men on this island?
    He should know better…you are blameless.
    Please text you guy friends when you are in his company ….do it the same way he is doing…
    Also if possible do you think you can come home late and saying u were helping a friend?
    His behavior is clearly showing he is not going to change and he is not really even getting the way you feel…
    I am giving u this advie because it has worked for me..
    I am sure he will understand where u are coming from….if he can feel the feelings you feel..



  402.  #402Goddess Lily on November 6, 2012 at 6:23 am

    I know it’s difficult but do not snoop. The truth, good or bad, will come to the light without snooping. All that will get you is guilt. I’ve done it, I was actually right about what I thought I was snooping for and nothing good came from it.



  403.  #403Indigo on November 6, 2012 at 6:26 am

    I realised something amazing last night, as I blogged about earlier. Yes the ex treated me badly, but last night as I was feeling angry with him and experiencing some of his anger, I realised this is about my own anger.

    It didn’t feel good at the time, it felt hazy and foggy and hateful and bad, but I knew I had touched something important.

    This morning it still felt hazy but as the day progressed, I started to feel better. Then I realised today, why the ex came into my life in the first place. To trigger me! To reveal my anger to me. For the first time ever, this did not feel bad to me.

    It abides next to love for myself, and my ability to accept myself, and then other people.

    Thank you Rori! This revelation was helped by something I read of yours. This feels so much better.



  404.  #404Goddess Lily on November 6, 2012 at 6:30 am

    I have also been one to try to show a man how he makes me feel by doing what he does….never worked when I did it intentionally. When I was just living my life and happened to be doing some of the same things, then they understood.



  405.  #405Tam on November 6, 2012 at 6:30 am

    I feel unsettled, also with all this election stuff. It seems to bring out the competitiveness in people and arguments etc. Brrr. I am such a freak for harmony. I want to live in cloud cuckoo land, really.



  406.  #406BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Heart- I felt super triggered by your first post as well lol
    I feel your advice is harsh and maybe a little counter productive.im sorry but that’s just how it feels to me, you may be totally right but i feel like it is triggering me to want to control and snoop and lock down my heart so I can’t be hurt.
    I know I give him way too many passes Iam working through this.
    I will take your advice to heart and feel it out.
    I do txt other guys while with him but I have been putting texting them back till I’m not with him or in our time, and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to stop doing this. It just feels so much like, If I put that negative energy put there he will give it back
    you know?! Idk if this is making sense. Thank you for your advice it’s is appreciated I just really have to be carful with anything that feels like retaliation, that’s a HUGE trigger for me.



  407.  #407Tam on November 6, 2012 at 6:41 am

    The friendship/whatever it was has ended alas, the triggers keep coming.
    I am still unpacking stuff from my little storage room here on my floor next to my Condo. I just unearthed the keyboard that MrP bought me a few months ago, when he found out that I used to play the piano. It turned out to be of great comfort to me although I protested when we were at the fleamarket and he insisted on buying it (we had a little fight over this). We then came back to my Condo and he made me play and learnt a couple of songs with me. It was fun.
    Afterwards, every time I felt a little lonely or had nothing to do, I would practice a song on the keyboard…it made me quite happy. Just before I left, I wrapped it carefully to protect it from the moisture and dust in storage. I just saw it again behind another box. I have decided to leave it in there wrapped up. Urgh.



  408.  #408Heart on November 6, 2012 at 6:43 am

    Tam – thank you…you’re right…I just want to do it to get attention from him! Wow…thanks for that…when I move myself to a place where I want to unfriend him cuz he feels like baggage or negative energy…I’ll do so…But for now…I’ll just do nothing.
    He barely posts.



  409.  #409Silver Moonbeam on November 6, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Tam I know the yacht thing with the rich guy expecting you to line up to get his food wasn’t supposed to be funny, but it made me LOL!! 😉

    What a bloody nerve!! I do find men who have money expect more, maybe because they are used to gold diggers throwing themselves at them?



  410.  #410BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 6:46 am

    Goddess-400
    Yes it is never a good feeling after not even joy if I didn’t find anything. Ad more often then not I can tell with in the first few mins if im being lied too, that’s another reason why I am having a hard time right now.
    I am making a promise to myself I will not snoop today. I feel sad for my poor heart, for having to be vulnerable when all she wants to do is protect and dig in. I love my negative expectations.

    402 I agree it’s happened the same for me..



  411.  #411Silver Moonbeam on November 6, 2012 at 6:48 am

    #389 Heart

    Can you elaborate on what you did to make the FM’s work when the actual messages themselves didn’t?



  412.  #412Tam on November 6, 2012 at 6:49 am

    407, yes SMB, he was probably used to getting all the attention, actually reminded me of a diva.
    A male diva.
    In fact, strangely enough, he sent me an email saying that I apparently left a great impression with his friends and they all commented on how nice I am and to keep in touch bla bla.
    We’ll see. I did like some of them also, quite a mixed and interesting bunch.



  413.  #413Silver Moonbeam on November 6, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Ooops Heart, sorry I just saw you did explain what you meant to BAB.



  414.  #414Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 6:56 am

    Tam I just read an EMK email that suggests two questions as the criteria for kinda qualifying a man:- how much does he like me and how safe I feel around him. Interesting that this guy can express how much his friends like you but did not articulate how much he likes you. I can help but wonder if he wants you to keep in touch as an email penpal or a possible hostess for his yacht? Sorry.



  415.  #415Tam on November 6, 2012 at 7:09 am

    412..yes FW, I had that EMK email too.
    To be fair, I couldn’t care less about the yacht guy…but his friends were nice and they invited me to something already…so all in all not bad…I need to meet new people, so he has been useful to me already 😉
    I don’t intend to become a penpal or yacht hostess.
    I don’t even like his boat, I prefer a small bay runner type of thing where a small me can hop in and out of the water….guess I ought to find a poor guy…or a fisherman? That would suit me much better. ha!! 🙂



  416.  #416Silver Moonbeam on November 6, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Just read the EMK email, thanks ladies, very very true.



  417.  #417BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Can I ask what a EMK email is?



  418.  #418MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Shhhhhhit.

    Urge feelings to be like “What the he11?” and I feel intense and angry. tsk tsk. I will not give into these urges. Doing so wouldn’t serve me in any way at all. Though I do love them! The urges serve me, yes. But acting on them, giving into them does not. Feeling them is what really serves me. And feeling puffed up proud for allowing them to flow through my body un-restrained and not giving in. And by the end of this post….Right about….Now. They are gone 🙂



  419.  #419MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Tam

    ooooOoOo a rugged sexy fisherman with calloused hands and a rough exterior but a gentle soul.

    Yum. 🙂



  420.  #420MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 7:23 am

    BAB 370

    Keep on keeping on!

    Your post triggered some thoughts in me but I will post them separately because they’re not really advice, just my experience around this.



  421.  #421Iamabutterfly on November 6, 2012 at 7:31 am

    356: Daria – Just read your comment just now. What happened was is he started talking to me without looking at me, complimenting me, and by the time he looked over I was already beaming.

    and all I could do was go; “awwww!”

    Sometimes, it seems like guys don’t like that because it makes them feel less manly or something?

    but when I do that, it’s because I’m speechless and feeling gushy and girly and can’t think of anything else to say…



  422.  #422Iamabutterfly on November 6, 2012 at 7:32 am

    catching up…

    ((((((((coco)))))))))))

    Thinking of you, sweetheart. You are amazing!



  423.  #423Tam on November 6, 2012 at 7:34 am

    417 Miss Stix..lol..ummmm, yeah well the rough exterior but gentle soul didn’t work so well for me….but I am not opposed to having another go at finding an alpha male…hehe…maybe a little less grunting and man caving and a little more communication would be nice next time 🙂
    I have dreams 😉



  424.  #424BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 7:35 am

    MissStix- Thank you:) and alrighty!



  425.  #425MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 7:43 am

    I remember very well how it felt when I started using FMs to express myself. What I felt when saying what I felt. The anxiety and worry. Many shoulder shrugs and turning my head away. Feeling guilt and shame even. Feeling fear that it wouldn’t “work” but knowing deep down somewhere inside of me that if I managed to just GET IT OUT and get through it, it was working. Because the basic reason for doing it was…Doing it!

    I also knew intellectually that the message would not be as well received if I felt shame and anxiety and worry while expressing it. Counterproductive, really. Because the whole idea is to feel without being worried about feeling. This is the place we come from when we are well and positively recieved (which may not always look positive-anger in response, for example, can still be positive without looking positive at the time). There is so much to learn…I worked really hard to let go of that worry and shame and guilt and anxiety because I desired to just be heard and accepted. But what I see now was that I could not let it go. I had to, instead, let it be. And just keep on going. And eventually those tense feelings sort of evaporated on their own with time and practice. That was when my magic started to happen. Only within the past couple months, really…

    I do feel a bit…I dunno? Guilty…Wary maybe? I know myself so well and I know G so well and both of our personalities come into play in this. Big time. Which will never fully come across over the net…I feel a bit of tension and my mind says “someone might emulate you, and it might be disasterous because they haven’t spent time with you. They don’t know how you talk or how he talks or how you fit together, or the flirty nature of you both.”. But i’m trying to think it’s ok. I trust in others to do only what is right for them. I felt emulated yesterday, and that’s ok. My teeth clenched and I sucked in a breath and blew it out. And that’s ok too. Ahhh yeah I am wayyyyy digressing here. This no longer even relates to what I am saying so I will move on from this.



  426.  #426BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 7:49 am

    My snooping urges are dwindling. I feel good in the thought that I’m letting go of that urge.
    I love my need to know urges. It’s self destructive in a way and I recognize this.



  427.  #427Heart on November 6, 2012 at 7:55 am

    #404 Bab – Wow. I feel surprised. I feel bad my post triggered you. And your right getting angry and acting out of it and retaliating is Horrible for both you and him….I generally try my best not to do that…In any case that was not what I’m taking about…what I am suggesting is only to be done after expressing feelings and after having those feelings somewhat disregarded….it has worked for me… But I was coming from a good place when doing these things…

    Many times I have watched people receive my feeling messages with compassion and care and there was an opening up and so on…but they did not change the way they behaved towards me …unless I did what they did back at them (in an obvious kind of way..almost like mimicking). Not to spite but to enlighten.
    I was only trying to help. I feel regretful now.



  428.  #428Iamabutterfly on November 6, 2012 at 7:56 am

    I feel a lil strange talking about this, but I kinda want to. I feel so amazed by the feminine cycle. I feel like I’m given special powers; before, during, and right after it.

    Before is probably the worst part of me. It feels like I’m carrying all the weight and pain in my life around and feeling it all over again. Everything feels sharp, my awareness of pain, sadness, and anger is heightened. There’s also this deep sadness; a kind of grief that is searching, universal, and deep.

    Then, the relief I feel when my body lets go of its baby prep. Its strange that with the flow of blood comes the sweetest emotional relief. (sorry if anyone is feeling grossed out by this.)

    I’ve never really had a problem with cramps, so I love the relief I feel during this time in my cycle.

    and then, when the flow lightens up, it is as though the weight of the world is truly lifted, and I can see everything with fresh eyes, and men seem more drawn to me than ever. Obviously, that time feels great!

    and then the cycle repeats. As frustrating, emotionally intense, and submissive as being a woman is, I really do love being a woman! Especially now, when our power is finally being appreciated.



  429.  #429CurvySiren10 on November 6, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Sirens, I am feeling curious about something. How do you define or experience “masculinity”?? This has come up for me recently and I’m having a hard time articulating what that means to me. I’d love to hear what you ladies think about this.



  430.  #430Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 7:58 am

    RE 401 Indigo I know what you mean. Yesterday an ex contacted me and I felt all the tingling and excitement inside me just listening to his voicemail. He asked me to call him back but I picked up the message 2 hours later. When I did I did not get him. I woke up this morning thinking about him. But I also found myself feeling really open to letting love him. I feel confident enough to tell him, if he asks me out that right now I am feeling open to romance so only will if I will be hugged, and cuddled and kissed to the point where I feel like melting onto myself and purring like a cat. Otherwise it would be pointless. I feel so comfortable with myself and my needs that I feel no resistance to saying this to anyone.



  431.  #431Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 8:03 am

    CurvySiren for me it is in the tone of voice and a certain strength in the energy I feel coming out of the voice. I experience it with a man if he is offering to take care of something to help me. If he is wearing a earthy scent when I go up close and I feel his beard stubble massaging my face, my cheeks. I could give more but I believe it means different things for different people and believe that these are unique to me.



  432.  #432Emerson on November 6, 2012 at 8:03 am

    I feel like prickly and shy like I don’t know how to meet men anymore??!!! Aww I don’t know why. I need to practice waterwheel and I’m all that and I know it will work and maybe that’s what scares me lol



  433.  #433MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 8:04 am

    I love my mona lisa smile and the mischievous glint in my eyes. My giggles and thrusted tongue. I love that i’m always so deep inside myself, especially when something feels important. I love my furrowed brow and the circular wave of my hand when i’m trying to find the word for the feeling. I love my “whatever, I dunno, I can’t express it right now lets drop it.”. I love that people see us as “in another world” sometimes. I love that unbreakable mutual focus that speaks more than any words. Eye contact and slow synchronized mutual smiles that say “we have a secret”. I love my throwing my head back squeal and giggles when he bites my neck. My instant body fold when his finger goes for my belly. I do love the way we are together. Immensely. Over the top. Fun. Passionate. Big huge personalities. Quiet soft and gentle. I do love that I am looking out for him in looking out for me. I do love that he is looking out for me in forcefully looking out for me. I won’t, I don’t fight that anymore. So much progress. No more running. I love this today.



  434.  #434Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 8:05 am

    RE 417 – Yeah rugged. That feels masculine and sexy to me.



  435.  #435Emerson on November 6, 2012 at 8:05 am

    428 omg fw I love what you said … I wish I had the wherewithal to say that to recycled back in the day!!!



  436.  #436Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Emerson hindsight is 20/20. I believe the shift is happening inside me as I focus on myself and work the tools. I couldn’t say that kind of thing just a short while ago. Now I am sure I can and will be prepared when the opportunity presents itself. Cdating and talking to me is helping me along the way.



  437.  #437Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 8:08 am

    talking to “men”



  438.  #438BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Heart 425- Aww this makes so much more sense to me now. Before i was interpreting your tone to be malicious in a may I guess, not towards me but in the suggestion that I should be do unto him what he’s doing to me. I guess I went to that place because it feels mean to me, how he was acting after I used a feeling message and he saw it clearly effected me what he was doing. So I feel I put that feeling of meanness into your advice for me.
    I see now more clearly what you are suggesting and see the sense in it. He is more respective to my actions then words sometimes so it may prove to be helpful.
    I feel I will have to heal my resentment towards the action and him before trying this tho:( I’m not sure how I would keep myself from going into a negative state when mimicking him. I apologize for projecting my negative feelings into your words and suggestions. I assume so much at times…
    I love my assumptions.



  439.  #439Tam on November 6, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Masculinity…strength, decision making, being able to lean on, comforting, rational, fixing, supporting, harsh, loud, bossy, caring, taking charge.

    That is what came to my mind without thinking much about it so please be aware of that, kind of a brain storming.



  440.  #440MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Iamabutterfly

    Not gross! Lovely. I am on day 1 right now and feeling that relief. Feeling the weight of the pre emotions and feelings lifting and the release of that tension and burden. I feel light and free and happy today. This is a cleansing time, and you’re right, a fresh start in a few days. 🙂



  441.  #441BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 8:11 am

    I feel the need to re-read Roris ebook. I wish i could afford a fee of the actual programs.. I need them.



  442.  #442BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 8:17 am

    He texted me first today, felt wonderful to not have to reach out. Iam soaking in the feelings that he’s only doing this because he doesn’t want me to be mad at him, or nag at him anymore.
    I see how I am looking at things very negatively today, he is doing this in a positive light because he cares about my feelings and what Iam saying,. And even tho he may not have fully grasped what I was feeling and saying last night,on some level he understood and is keeping his word to try harder. I appreciate this.

    Ugh wondering if i am making rationalizing this..



  443.  #443BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Ohh negative nelly… I love you! Lol uhhhh



  444.  #444Heart on November 6, 2012 at 8:25 am

    #436 – Bab – I feel happy to read that…thank you for taking the time to reassure me. I have not tried that approach with a man I was emotionally invested in…so I can understand your hesitation….it’s so easy to express our feelings, explore, experiment on dates/conversation with men that we are not invested in….But men, we are into….The Simpliest things carry so much weight.



  445.  #445Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 8:26 am

    muah muah xoxo negative nelly xoxoxo

    hehe I love my negative nelly self



  446.  #446MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Masculine

    Physical strength. Determined. Solid. Stubborn. Take charge. Thinking. Doing. Rough. Humourous. Present. One track focus. Big hands. Firm touch. In control. Provider. Physical s3xuality.

    I am trying to picture the masculine expression of emotion now.

    I see seated position: elbows on knees, rounded back, clenched fists with forhead resting on them.

    Standing position: Wide stance slightly c0cked to one side. Shoulders up. Arms out to the front, palms open and up, and moving out to the side. Shoulders raising higher.

    Body language and facial expression of emotion. Not so much in words.



  447.  #447Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 8:27 am

    correction “But I also found myself feeling really open to letting love in”.



  448.  #448CurvySiren10 on November 6, 2012 at 8:31 am

    FW, Tam and MissStix… thank you for your input. Awesome stuff. Very interesting and helpful!! 🙂



  449.  #449Camille on November 6, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Do any of you have Committment Blueprint and would it be the program I need most at this time? I have been dating a man for 7 months now



  450.  #450Heart on November 6, 2012 at 8:43 am

    I’m not ready to accept that CudG has poofed…
    I can’t kill the hope…I’m trying ….lol….I mean I try tellin myself all the means things to kill the hope…
    but
    hope
    is
    difficult
    to
    destroy…
    So I need to make peace with this hope…Maybe being a little hung up on a guy is just part of life…

    I Regret Bailing on him…I guess I was just developing feelings for him and it scared me…
    But…I’m keeping on my horse..



  451.  #451Starla on November 6, 2012 at 8:43 am

    i have invested years of my time and thousands of dollars in ending marijuana prohibition. I put my career on hold for a year and a half to serve as a director at the campaign. I organized hundreds of events to change the way people think about prohibition.

    And today is the day the voters will decide on it in my state.

    I feel so jittery and proud.

    There’s going to be an amazing party tonight to celebrate all our hard work and dedication.



  452.  #452BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Femininewoman- Lol I love how we posted almost the same thing:) yay negativity lol



  453.  #453Starla on November 6, 2012 at 8:46 am

    camille, c blueprint is totally for you



  454.  #454BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Heart- You’re very welcome! You are spot on with the guys we are invested in. 5 years and a lot of time between us. Makes for a great deal of nerves from this lady:) lol
    Love my nerves!



  455.  #455CurvySiren10 on November 6, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Starla, I can’t wait to hear about the celebration!!! 🙂 🙂



  456.  #456BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Starla- You should come to MN and help us out:) lol



  457.  #457Starla on November 6, 2012 at 8:51 am

    I got this skirt to wear to the party with a neutral/tan tank top tucked in underneath and some taaallll black heels, gonna look awesome!

    http://www.jcpenney.com/dotcom/women/brands/worthington/worthington-tweed-pencil-skirt—petites/prod.jump?ppId=pp5001790609&catId=cat1001600008&deptId=dept20000013&N=4294965461&topDim=Product+Type&topDimvalue=skirts&dimCombo=Product+Type|&dimComboVal=skirts|&currentDim=Product+Type&currentDimVal=skirts



  458.  #458Camille on November 6, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Thanks Starla……….I have Siren and Toxic men…….but since those I broke up with the man I was living with and starting circular dating and now Im involved with D……its great but we have not “spoken” of being exclusive etc. etc………..Its at a place where Id like it to move forward or I need to pursue other options! So I was wondering about Bluprint and if any of you had experience with the program



  459.  #459Heart on November 6, 2012 at 9:00 am

    #452 (((bab)))



  460.  #460Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Calypso was it you or JC have a birthday coming up?



  461.  #461MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Starla!

    Support coming at you from here in VanCity. Keep fighting the fight to decriminalize!



  462.  #462CurvySiren10 on November 6, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Oh that is adorable Starla!! Love it! And sending tons of support and positive vibes for the outcome today!! 🙂



  463.  #463MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Ok, I will light up and send all my positive vibes the way of ending prohibition for Starla!

    We are not criminals. We are not addicts. I have first hand experience with addiction and marijuana just doesn’t fit into that category. Lets end the misinformation. It can be done. I am rooting for you starla. I feel passionately about this.



  464.  #464BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Can anyone describe to me the feeling Rori talks about when you have put in the effort and your man starts to come back after withdrawing and you all the sudden get everything you wanted from him, but you feel like you don’t care anymore.



  465.  #465Starla on November 6, 2012 at 9:20 am

    thank you, ladies! I strongly believe with all my heart and soul and 4 years of university education that marijuana prohibition needs to end. It means so much to me to have your support on this issue, and also to just let the voters finally decide!



  466.  #466Mercedes on November 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

    I can’t support your mission Starla but I can support your party in celebration of all your hard work and dedication as well as that skirt! LOVE that skirt! 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  467.  #467Mercedes on November 6, 2012 at 9:26 am

    BAB/Rebekah – 462 – That happened to me (before I knew Rori). My husband at the time wanted me back…he wanted us to work everything out…he wanted the family kept in tact. I was emotionally shut down though. Nothing he said or did could fix it. I was turned off and tired and just wanted to get past it. I can’t explain the feeling any better than my daily prayer of “Please don’t let me have to see or talk to him today, please!”. I was desperate for times when I didn’t have to deal with him. And he was making that very hard by doing/saying everything I wanted him to do/say for the previous SEVERAL years.

    I was completely emotionally disconnected. It was a horrible feeling…for both of us.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  468.  #468Starla on November 6, 2012 at 9:33 am

    one day, when marijuana is only available in regulated stores and your children have a much harder time getting their hands on it because they have to show ID, just like with alcohol and cigarettes, you will understand my mission.

    I love the skirt! And I’m glad to say it looks cuter on me than on that model:P



  469.  #469BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Mercedes- Humm ok thank you for sharing.
    I don’t have that feeling so I’m taking that as a positive.
    I do recognize in me the wanting it to be done, but I feel like I want it to be a good done.. ( us together, intact )
    I do feel myself closing off emotions and I don’t get the same sense of excitement every time he texts or does something nice and this worries my heart:(



  470.  #470Starla on November 6, 2012 at 9:35 am

    for the record, i really don’t want to talk politics here. the skirt is where it’s at.



  471.  #471CurvySiren10 on November 6, 2012 at 9:40 am

    I support all of it Starla. 😉 …and yeah, that skirt is soo cute! I bet you look amazing in it! 🙂



  472.  #472Mercedes on November 6, 2012 at 9:44 am

    BAB/Rebekah – Yeah. I was done by the time it happened for me so I really can’t help with how it feels to have him do those things when you’re not done. I mean, I was DONE and SURE of it! I’m sorry your heart is worried…I wish I could help. 🙁

    Starla: “one day, when marijuana is only available in regulated stores and your children have a much harder time getting their hands on it because they have to show ID, just like with alcohol and cigarettes, you will understand my mission.” With all due respect, no I won’t. But for me it’s personal and not political. And on a personal level and a personal note, I will not come around to that way of thinking. I only ask that those who do feel that way respect my way of thinking as well. We don’t have to agree on any sensitive subject ever, and that’s okay. 🙂 Mutual respect is a positive step in the direction of peace among people who can’t always agree.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  473.  #473Starla on November 6, 2012 at 9:50 am

    I respect everyone’s way of thinking, and pray that if it’s personal belief guiding them rather than political, they won’t force their personal beliefs on me politically.



  474.  #474Mercedes on November 6, 2012 at 9:51 am

    LOL! Nope…we’ll just vote from our hearts haha! 🙂 Thank you Starla…I appreciate that very, very much!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  475.  #475Starla on November 6, 2012 at 9:52 am

    I sooo want to call in sick tomorrow so i can stay up late celebrating, but alas…. i’m busy as f*ck here.



  476.  #476MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Meh, politics I don’t care about. I only support decriminalization.

    The skirt is hawt and cute and professional all at the same time. Rock on!



  477.  #477Starla on November 6, 2012 at 10:12 am

    thanks! i can’t wait to get all gussied up for the party!

    the really old CD is gonna be there:P

    so is my ex that brought me to this blog years ago. bwahahahhaa. eat your heart out



  478.  #478Daria on November 6, 2012 at 10:26 am

    “Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity.”



  479.  #479BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Ugh I’m feeling so dithered by this process. I wanna txt him and feel that easy banter we used to have. I don’t like this strained waiting for him to reach out thing. It makes me feel so stressed when I go to respond. All these should I? What if I? I’ll just say? Oh wait don’t respond so soon.. Crap going through my head. I feel sad and down cast by this.



  480.  #480BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Downhearted*



  481.  #481BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Thank you Rebekah for being so honest with yourself and for staying open even tho it hurts. You are loved! Everything is alright.



  482.  #482FlowerChild77 on November 6, 2012 at 10:50 am

    LOVE the skirt, Starla 😉



  483.  #483BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 10:54 am

    He’s making an effort, this warms my heart. I will not judge the tone of the convo, I will not project my own feelings into our mood. I will love these feelings and be positive. Thank you negativity, but now it’s time to go!



  484.  #484Starla on November 6, 2012 at 11:02 am

    i actually have pics of me in it, maybe i should join the sirens group on fb so i can be sharing this stuff!



  485.  #485Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 11:11 am

    This resonates with me. I commit to use the power of my mind to commit to creating the relationship I want.

    “In the end, a commitment stems from a solid decision about what you want to pursue with your life. As such, your commitments are powerful shapers of your future. A commitment is a promise to take action. It is the action of bringing your attention back to the decisions you made for your life over and over again, and persisting in this even in the face of disappointments.”

    James Bauer



  486.  #486Femininewoman on November 6, 2012 at 11:18 am

    It is not necessarily the physical danger of a storm, or a war that can cause the damage, but the threat to everything else housed in your body too – your Boundary, your Self-esteem, and even your sense of identity – which for women will include their femininity and for men, their sense of masculinity. Studies of public shootings and the area of the brain called the Thalamus show that it is a relay center between a source of pain, and the meaning that the cerebral cortex eventually makes of it. Both nerve impulses from damaged tissue in the body, as well as charged up impulses coming from the emotional centers of the brain go into the Thalamus, so as far as the Thalamus goes, pain is pain is pain – it’s all bad. A hurtful comment to it feels no different from a punch to the face.

    http://www.womenshappiness.com/articles/womens-skills-for-the-hurricanes-of-life?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=Rocks+You+Like+a+Hurricane+-+and+a+Free+Webinar+Tonight



  487.  #487Heart on November 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Heeeeaaaaaaaaaarrrrttttttttt

    shake shake shake senora♬



  488.  #488FlowerChild77 on November 6, 2012 at 11:28 am

    That would be fun, Starla 🙂 I think BW can add you or Radlove.



  489.  #489Dominique on November 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

    BAB -370 – You done good, sweetheart. You were real. The stumbling with words is real. The asking for a moment is brilliant. It was fine. You did fine, beautifully.

    xxoo



  490.  #490MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Would love to see your pic starla!



  491.  #491Daria on November 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

    yay Actor CD reappeared and asked me out, and i said 2 days ahead

    even tho i been feeling lonely, and i Dont have plans tonite

    im sticking w Daria’s experiment of 2 days ahead planning

    and the calming/ less urgent effect it has on my planning

    and actually it Has had a calming effect immediately, as now instead of feeling urgent to quell my loneliness tonite

    if shifted to a feeling of joy at having these 2 days as me-time and looking forward to a date

    yay!



  492.  #492BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Dominique- I feel so smiley right now, I’m so thankful to have so many ppl willing to give reassurance and support! Such a wonderful kick in the butt to keep going forward:)



  493.  #493Daria on November 6, 2012 at 11:41 am

    i DO act that way and make that effort to bring my mind back to what i chose to manifest

    it does feel powerful to me

    also, i feel triggred and disempowered by the “take action” wording

    i don’t ‘get’ how i “take” action ugh

    i like to rephrase it as i act, or in an yang verb form



  494.  #494BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Date night with myself tonight, gonna vote after work then grab dinner do my toes and finish reading CCs book. Yay me time,

    Feeling anxious about below feeling message.

    I hope I get out on time to vote,

    Him: Me to! I’m sure you’ll be fine tho.

    :)Thank you sweetheart! Feels great to have your reassurance.

    I love my anxiety! It feels funny not to get a response, but I feel good for trying to squeeze them in as much as I can to practice. Lord knows I can use it:) lol love me.



  495.  #495Daria on November 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

    me personally i would hate that

    i like that children can use marijuana and any herbs i don’t want my friend mj less available

    one day when humans have healed and gotten into the rhythm of life with earth and the other beings and pleasure and comfort and health and love feels secure and nourishing and nurturing and consistent and plants and children and growner children and old people and spirit people are included it will feel lovely and im choosing that now actually

    ouch



  496.  #496MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 11:55 am

    2 days without the man cause i’m working evenings. He will be sleeping at his house. Feels good to have a couple days to myself, yet I feel his absence already. I recieved a text this morning, and kind of accidentally waited a little too long to respond…3 hours hehe oh well. Time keeps on slippin’ slippin’. 🙂 Now I get to have a nice long map before leaving for work. zzzZzzZzz



  497.  #497Dominique on November 6, 2012 at 11:57 am

    BAB – 408 – and also anyone else tempted to snoop. please don’t. you won’t feel good no matter what you do or do not find.

    http://sexandheart.com/snooping-on-your-man

    xxoo



  498.  #498Mercedes on November 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Dominique – 495 – TRUE, TRUE, TRUE!!!!!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  499.  #499BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    I am proud to say i didn’t and I don’t plan too! I am stronger then that. I love my vulnerability, it’s so new!



  500.  #500Starla on November 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    i wonder how memulo is



  501.  #501BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Thank you for calling me out! Haha love it!



  502.  #502Daria on November 6, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    hugged cuddled and kissed to where i feel im melting into myself and purring like a cat .

    then i feel open to be turned on sexually as well

    yipee yipee

    i feel excited

    so many men want to please me and my pussy has healed from yesterday whew

    it feels triggering to think of letting all these men close wow wowie wowie it feels awesome

    ‘liberated woman’ is going thru my head

    i can keep it real and keep seeing msyelf as sacred and sexy yes yes yes heeeee



  503.  #503MissStix on November 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    We were talking about missing each other and I expressed it feels more difficult to fall asleep when i’m by myself. And he told me to put his t-shirt on a pillow and I see he left one here. 🙂 I felt so cared for to hear that. I have no desire to actually do it lol but feels sweet to hear such a cute suggestion.

    I did smell the shirt though HAHA 😀 mmmm



  504.  #504BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    501-Awwww so cute!



  505.  #505Daria on November 6, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    oh i just saw No Name CD said he’s still sick am i busy this weekend… but i didn’t answer him and this was yesterday evening

    and i feel unsure whether to answer now lol heee

    this feels so lovely

    i feel excited to practice expressing my sexual boundaries about being very turned on with No Name CD

    im seeing how having these other CD’s getting close to me sexually is Helping me not feel like i am under pressure not to lose No Name CD and makes it easier for me to be honest about what feels good and doesn’t in love making

    i feel a lil worried cuz Scorpio CD seemed to get dejected a bit that we’re not having sex yet (my interpretation) or he thinks hes always getting brushed off/pushed back (im just shy giggling and adjusting myself at times)

    and that feels triggering for me cuz i have a belief that no guy will have the awareness and energy to take the time to really turn me on slowly and arouse me, they will start rushing as soon as they get very turned on

    and its on me and im practicing babysteps

    and now that im not holding on to No Name CD i feel inspired to be honest with him and share about what i dont want!

    yay!

    and earlier i felt worried that he would not be willing to provide that an leave, but not i don’t feel worried about it!

    wow!!

    this is freakin awesome



  506.  #506Daria on November 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    i told Scorpio CD i feel like im falling in love with him

    i got into this gushy about him mood

    i stopped at some point cuz i felt concerned that maybe it was an old pattern of flowing toward him rather than keep the flow to me

    i also told him i wish i lived with him and he could take care of me lol

    omg i feel so vulnerable saying that

    awww Daria is starting to open up about what she wants and she used to judge herself about as needy crazy and unattractive

    i feel uncomfortable even sharing that here

    haha

    clap clap clap calp calp



  507.  #507Daria on November 6, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    lama –

    “Sometimes, it seems like guys don’t like that because it makes them feel less manly or something?”

    i always say aww but i mean it in aan “AWW it feels so good to me” and men respond really well to that

    Scorpio CD doesn’t like getting called ‘cute’ he said… that kinda awe… but he’s starting to look to me like my cat and i just want to cuddle and squeeze him. i actually do like doing this to men it lets all my heart stress go into squeezing them

    so maybe if the AWW is about the woman it feels good to them, but “aww you’re so cute baby” does not? i feel confused cuz so many times i feel touched when he does something i think is endearing soft and cute

    lol



  508.  #508BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Daria- You make it sound so easy, and exciting to be single lol if I were, I would totally be living vicariously through you right now! Yay CDing.



  509.  #509Daria on November 6, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    im going to practice pouring all that ‘you’re so adorable’ love on me

    i do think its a past pattern, cuz it even led to me calling a CD “princess’ way back cuz it seemed ‘cute’ to me but he didn’t like it and i think its a way to cover up my own vulnerability



  510.  #510Daria on November 6, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Rebekah – really wow i feel very big with myself hearing that 🙂

    im REALLY enjoying it, my Modern Siren intention was to be able to date any man i want and im doing REALLY well with that

    i am also babystepping towards my ever after of love family and natural life and web of people who love me 🙂 yay!



  511.  #511Daria on November 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Miss Stix – aww i feel all shoulders up to ears and smile with eyes rolled up in pleasure



  512.  #512BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Daria-I’m glad!:) also thank you for using my real name lol feel honest to me, for some reason.



  513.  #513BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Iv practiced so much growing up to be a guy, so I could get them to like me more then my cuter sister lol just realizing I did this to protect how I saw myself as a girl. (Less) no wonder I still struggle with my man talking to other girls I see as (more) of a girl then me.. Ohh goodness this hurts.sister issues!



  514.  #514BAB/Rebekah on November 6, 2012 at 12:34 pm