Statistics On What Makes A Man Marry A Specific Woman…

Untitled design (14)

fern on rockThis is gangbusters: Statistics:

http://www.theminorityeye.com/why-men-marry-some-women-and-not-others/

Let me know your reaction…I read every word….

Love, Rori

 

Posted in

166 Comments

  1.  #1CurvySiren10 on March 11, 2014 at 8:18 am

    “Don’t dress like a ho”. Really?? This is supposed to be a credible study??



  2.  #2CurvySiren10 on March 11, 2014 at 8:23 am

    “Being slender attracts more men, therefore increasing your chances to marry”.

    Um, wow.

    Based on surveying 3000 couples coming out of marriage license bureaus. That doesn’t exactly scream broad survey. I find this actually very disturbing and judgmental, and ancedotal. And not written in way that screams credibility.
    Just sayin’…



  3.  #3CurvySiren10 on March 11, 2014 at 8:24 am

    Indigo…from the last post. You sound so cool and centered and healthy. I hope things continue to go smoothly for you!! makes me smile πŸ™‚



  4.  #4Kyla on March 11, 2014 at 8:53 am

    Yup, mostly common sense stuff there. Take care of ourselves, don’t settle for anything less than what we want and clearly state what we want!

    All wives are trophy wives.. aww I actually felt gooey reading that statement. Changed my perspective completely, of course they are! I have a trigger around being ‘arm candy’ and this feels way better πŸ™‚



  5.  #5Kyla on March 11, 2014 at 9:05 am

    Actually I will have to start watching my weight soon lol. Letting men buy or cook me 5 – 10 meals a week is starting to stretch my waist band! When it warms up here soon I may start suggesting some outdoorsy activities.

    I had a lunch date yesterday, The Russian is taking me to dinner tonight and I have a lunch date tomorrow.

    I feel annoyed about DrWho’s text today. Our bdays are both at the end of the month and that seems to be why he’s back in contact. I’m going to wait a few more days before I respond.



  6.  #6Kyla on March 11, 2014 at 9:09 am

    Aww the Russian just asked if I was getting a sitter for tonight and when I said yes he offered to pay for it!



  7.  #7Kyla on March 11, 2014 at 9:13 am

    The blog used to be much busier.. I feel spammy today! Sorry sirens πŸ™‚



  8.  #8Femininewoman on March 11, 2014 at 10:00 am

    haha Kyla πŸ™‚



  9.  #9T.Bradley on March 11, 2014 at 10:17 am

    Kyla,
    again where do you live?



  10.  #10Indigo on March 11, 2014 at 10:45 am

    Hi Curvy Siren!

    Thank you honey πŸ™‚ I am very happy in my life. Things are not perfect, yet I feel happy. I love the place that I’m at with myself at the moment.

    So nice to see you x



  11.  #11Kyla on March 11, 2014 at 10:51 am

    I’m in Toronto, T.Bradley.. Oops more spamming πŸ™‚



  12.  #12CurvySiren10 on March 11, 2014 at 10:52 am

    SO nice to hear and see you too, Indigo! And mostly to hear the contentedness in your “voice”. Things do not need to be perfect to be happy, as you are proving so beautifully! So very happy to hear this. You deserve all the best! xo



  13.  #13Daria on March 11, 2014 at 11:16 am

    didn’t feel That scary ….

    im feelig fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  14.  #14T.Bradley on March 11, 2014 at 11:30 am

    kyla-11,
    O ok….just wondering. I am a people person and thought maybe some sirens could get together that was close by for a dinner date!!!! πŸ™



  15.  #15prplpsn28 on March 11, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    Been thinking about the whole marriage thing lately. H has said that he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get married again but that he’s also a ‘never say never’ type. I’m on the fence. At my age ( I’ll be 48 in June) I’m open to marriage yet I also believe that a couple can have an awesome, 100% committed, great and loving relationship without signing the paper. Just my thoughts. I know everyone is different. πŸ™‚



  16.  #16Indigo on March 11, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    Purple,

    I guess all that matters is if it’s the relationship *you* want.

    That’s why it’s called Have the Relationship YOU Want.

    Personally I am willing to craft the future that feels and fits me best. And I am quite certain that does not include the conventional 2 year path to the conventional marriage πŸ™‚



  17.  #17Indigo on March 11, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    CurvySiren 12

    πŸ™‚

    “Imperfection” is what has brought me to this place and helped me grow. I love how things have turned out and how they are turning out.

    Hope all is well with you x



  18.  #18BeLoved on March 11, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    I feel deep sadness, a lump in my throat and my heart feels heavy reading the article.
    I feel tired of what feels like jumping through hoops, trying to be the ‘right’ kind of woman for a man to marry, to want, to be attracted to.

    There has to be more to life than this. There has to be more to my value than whether a man wants me, is attracted to me, inspired by me, or whatever.

    My eyes are flooded with tears.
    There has to be more to life than this.



  19.  #19BeLoved on March 11, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    I feel tired of feeling as if I’m not good enough or doing good enough or not valuable or doing something wrong or am wrong or whatever because I’m not married or dating.

    My throat hurts feeling the tears choke up.
    My heart feels so pained, so tight, I want a love that’s bigger than ‘marriage’. I want to feel that love for everyone, everything, everywhere, all of the time. I hate that it only feels turned on for some people some of the time.



  20.  #20Turquoise on March 11, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    (((beloved)))

    I feel some sense of urgency now, after reading that article. I’m 40… better hurry up and lose weight and “work” at finding a relationship. Ugh.

    I do want to lose some weight and have been watching my calories/portions. Just a few pounds down so far, but heading in the right direction.

    I’ve had a lot on my plate lately with my kids and a school issue, but it’s sunny today and I feel so alive! I am very excited for summer.

    So far this year has brought a lot of changes… ending some relationships, maybe will make room for something good. The toxic, dramatic stuff… I’m walking away from. I just want to feel that sunshine and have a clear head.



  21.  #21prplpsn28 on March 11, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    BeLoved…I totally agree



  22.  #22BeLoved on March 11, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    I’ve been struggling with my weight since I was 9, and I’m 43. I’ve decided to accept and make peace with it (something that felt APPALLING to even consider a few years ago!).
    I weigh 190-205 most of the time, so I’m not in any danger of needing to be cut out of my house and hauled to a hospital or anything πŸ™‚

    In my heart I do feel something deeper…something deeper is unfolding, blossoming, emerging.

    I *have* done some of the hard, necessary work. I’ve sank into my feelings, told the truth, stopped chasing men.

    My dreams have shifted radically in the past few months and I am dreaming more peaceful, loving, cooperative dreams. I feel my heart healing.

    When I was with my friend M on Sunday, she was telling me about her husband and I could FEEL, could literally FEEL, my heart syncing up with hers and ‘downloading’ information about partnerships.

    It felt ticklish and made me laugh and laugh and feel so light and giggly πŸ™‚

    That feels good to remember.

    It also feels SO good to feel connected to the aches and yearnings of my heart. So. So. SO. Good.
    I am so grateful to feel.
    To feel so sweet with myself.



  23.  #23BeLoved on March 11, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    Hahaha I love this. I let myself feel all of that stuff and now my heart feels light, I feel more grounded in my root, I feel more connected to life the universe and everything.

    My belly feels light and I feel relaxed and settled.
    I feel happy πŸ™‚



  24.  #24BeLoved on March 11, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Turquoise

    “I just want to feel that sunshine and have a clear head”
    feels delightful to imagine.
    It makes me feel more laughing and giggling πŸ˜€



  25.  #25Cris on March 11, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    not a fan of statistics



  26.  #26LoveAlways on March 11, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    “Only date the marrying kind”

    I’ve learned this lesson well!!



  27.  #27LoveAlways on March 11, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    Rori & Sirens:
    What do you think about this point?

    “a. Approach him. Very attractive men don’t make passes at women because they don’t have to.”

    I really can’t approach a man like that.



  28.  #28Kyla on March 11, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    LoveAlways – that comment made me smile. Girls actually always make the first move by sending the man flirting/body language cues that its safe to approach.

    As far actually approaching him, if a man is soo attractive that girls are flocking all around him then I believe the girl that doesn’t is the one that will catch his attention and peak his curiosity. Men love a challenge or so I’ve been told! πŸ™‚



  29.  #29LoveAlways on March 11, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Great article Rori! I had skimmed the book before. I can agree with 80% of the article’s points and suggestions. There is indeed room for improvement in my life!

    Thanks for sharing πŸ™‚



  30.  #30LoveAlways on March 11, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    Kyla

    Great point!!! Yes, we do give the cues, the smile especially! Okay, then I guess I do. I need to feel that out and practice a bit more πŸ˜€



  31.  #31LoveAlways on March 11, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    Listening to a few Rori chapters tonight. So far:

    Relationship bubble
    Inspiring a man
    Evoking Chemistry
    Your royal role



  32.  #32LoveAlways on March 11, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    Have different practices as Queens. To live in less anxiety.

    see this concept totally different now!



  33.  #33LoveAlways on March 11, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    On Line Dating Techniques
    Flirting with the truth



  34.  #34Shannon P. on March 11, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    I’m feeling really badly wrecked tonight. The only job I’ve been able to find (a job I really would like to get–with better hours, and probably will get) is an evenings and weekends job. It’s also only part time.

    So I will only see my daughter 3 days of the week (probably only part of 2 days!!).

    I’m falling apart just realizing that. I don’t know how I’ll survive this. I just don’t. My baby girl. I don’t think I can take it–but I don’t have any other options AT ALL.

    And then there’s also this childish, angry part of me that feels like he’s just winning again. He threw me away and now he’s getting her, too.

    I feel destroyed on a very deep level tonight, when I should be so happy because I finally found a job that I’m likely to get (after a second interview, which I’m pretty sure will be a shoe-in).

    I just can’t stop crying.



  35.  #35Turquoise on March 11, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    Oh Shannon P., I’m sorry. Very big hugs to you. Maybe this will just be a temporary situation and lead to something perfect. (((Shannon)))



  36.  #36SHARON on March 11, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    I actually think this is great valuable info. It coincides with what you teach Rori. I wasnt concerned with the whole idea of working out. It didnt say plus women don’t get the husband, i think it matters that you are taking care of yourself. i love this. i am saving this to my computer. it advocates being active in seeking a husband…i thought that was off limits. Thanks for sharing Rori. love you!!!



  37.  #37Femininewoman on March 11, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    I found the info a bit overwhelming. Seems like too much to absorb.



  38.  #38Tereana on March 11, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    Shannon ….So many big hugs. I don’t even know what to say except that I can only just imagine how heart-wrenching that must be. You can’t help but feel connected to your child. Hopefully this can just be temporary, and you can make the most of the time that you do have with her… (((Shannon)))



  39.  #39Tereana on March 11, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    I am not even going to read those statistics. Lol. I just don’t even want to tempt my brain.

    I know my instincts aren’t perfect and I’m not perfect. But what I’m working on most is trusting my intuition…



  40.  #40Tereana on March 11, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    Okay…I seem to have hit a panic point with M. I think it’s all just been getting too much for me. I keep getting testy with him, like every day. He even said he doesn’t like it. I don’t like it. But issues keep coming up, and the only way I have to talk to him is by text, and limited Skype time. And then today, he suggested that we could Skype midday, which is late night for him. This seemed ideal, as I was home from work (well, working on my styling biz project, but not at the office).

    We were having a very active text convo, and I maybe just assumed that he would suggest to Skype at some point, and he just didn’t. Suddenly the texts stopped, and I can only assume that he fell asleep. And I found myself feeling very disappointed. If only because I was feeling particularly beautiful and radiant, and I was really looking forward to talking to him during daylight hours on a warmish, sunny day, because every other Skype convo we’ve had has been with me late and night, and him sneaking up on the roof in the morning….

    Well, I’m done with that. I’ve decided I don’t want anymore late-night skype times. I just want to talk face to face with my sweetie, and be able to look at him and feel his presence and my presence all in the same room. I don’t want to imagine how his friends talk or if he’s some sex fiend I don’t know about. I want to tell him about myself and also to learn about him, in a way we just can’t from across the globe.

    As of tomorrow, it’s a month since our first date, as of Friday, a month since Valentine’s. Not that I’m keeping track. Lol. Just that a month is a particular time cycle. It’s enough to either get used to something and to continue to make it work, or maybe not. I’ve been fearing that maybe our communication was “off” and it wouldn’t work. But then I reminded myself – I’m not the only one who can make it work. There are two of us.

    But leaning back really does come in handy, and it’s even educational. Because in a time like this, I only had myself, and I really had to go inside and see what I was feeling and where it was all coming from.

    I felt like a little child, having a tantrum. So I let my little child-self have a tantrum – inside. While outside, I was washing dishes and looking at the sunshine.

    I felt abandoned, and this led to feeling unlovable. So I dig into that feeling. And I felt unlovable still. But I noticed that, in the big picture, I was loved anyway, even if I felt that way – even if I really was “unlovable.” And that everyone is unlovable, and we are all pretty flawed, and we are all loved and lovable anyway. (It was vulnerability. I was feeling vulnerable. But in my mind-body sensation, “vulnerable” is associated necessarily with rejection and therefore sensation of “unlovable.”)

    Then, in that absence of communication, I noticed I felt guilty, too. For having thoughts of S, or any other guy, in which I entertained the notion that another guy might be better for me. And I realized that this “crisis point” is where my subconscious brain tries to sabotage me in any way it can. If it can find a way to make another guy look better, then I’ll start to think the grass is greener, so to speak. If it can find any flaw with him/M, then it will put a neon sign over that and it will be the only thing I can see, and it will make me feel charged about it and react to it and push him away.

    But then I actually talked to S tonight. And we talked about my trip to the west coast in the spring, and so I finally told him about M. And it probably hurt his feelings, but on the phone at least, he was nice. He expressed happiness that I had met someone, and that he seemed good for me. He said he had a “good feeling” about the relationship (and I trust his intuition). And that feeling and support from him made me want even more for things to work out with M.

    He really has been the best for me of anyone I’ve met. If I am scared or afraid of certain things, then I really need to find a way to work through them. And if I am upset by something, then I really need to find a way to make sure that it doesn’t upset the relationship. I only get so many tokens for times that I can make an issue about something before I get to be the issue… And I don’t want that to be the case.

    Still, I know that I have been leaning forward and giving, somewhat, in this relationship, and it really is time for me to lean back, and receive.

    This day may not have given me “what I wanted.” But it did give me time and space that I needed.

    I guess what I realized, overall, is that I just need a breather. It has been a whirlwind, fast, positive thing. And you know what they say about good things, specifically about too much of them. I don’t want that to make me into a cranky, unpleasant person.

    I really did want to talk to him today. But, oh well. We will talk on Sunday… It’s only a few days away.

    Hope y’all didn’t mind my long post. I’ve had all this on my mind today, and I just was so looking forward to coming on the blog and getting it out… whew!

    Thanks, ladies. You rock : )



  41.  #41Millie on March 12, 2014 at 12:35 am

    Wow. At first when I read the study, I was interested…my interest transitioned into disbelief. In 2014, are people still feeding women this propaganda? 70% of men knew their future wife was a “nice girl” when he met her. (Vomit) I found some of the points in the article valid, but others super antiquated and stereotypical views on women. I loved the comment about the fashion industry…since I work it in. I’ve made my love life THAT much harder…haha…thanks a heap for that comment.



  42.  #42Syreena on March 12, 2014 at 4:30 am

    What about is he the type of man I would even want to marry?

    For instance I don’t want to marry the type of man who’s effort in doing something together and getting to know you is offering take me drinking to a pub. No thanks! Or sending me pics of his dick and asking for pics of my boobs or bits back! No thanks. Or trying to touch and get in my knickers without even knowing me and caring what I like or want.
    Or goes out getting drunk with his mates. No thanks!
    Spends loads of his free time on playstation games or computer games! No thanks!
    Spends his money on going to strip clubs. No thanks.
    Spends money on sex chat or porn. Oggles and leers at young girls making sexist and or misogynist remarks! No thanks!
    Spends loads of time engaging in playing team sports like rugby, football or being a fan and watching and getting drunk afterwards! No thanks.
    Spends loads of time working and then just wants to be waited on and fall asleep in front of the telly. No thanks.
    Who expects a maid and a cook and a fuck as and when and wants to be left alone the rest of the time! No thanks!
    What about what he is offering me? As I don’t really don’t want any of that. Sigh! Or who doesn’t care about how I feel or who I am. No thanks.

    What’s in it for me if I marry a man? What’s he offering me. He may be the marrying kind who just wants a slave to cook fuc99k clean and wait on him hand and foot with a robotic step ford wife smile. Who just does what he likes and treats his wife as a piece of property he now owns and or subservient being who he wants to control and dominate.

    So what is he is the marrying kind? Is he the kind of man and husband I want and I want to be married to?



  43.  #43Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 5:06 am

    Last night’s date with the Russian was amazing, I felt adored from head to toe. He’s so physically affectionate and I crave touch and melt into his kisses, caresses and cuddles. His energy was all over me and he kept stepping towards me, leaning in closer, pulling me in tighter. Later we went back to his and he wanted me to stay, wanted us to go further, pushed just a little and yet there was no pressure or icky feelings just lots of intrigue and desire and I felt overwhelmed and open and happy and stopped where I needed to. I am enjoying honoring my new boundaries around sex.



  44.  #44Femininewoman on March 12, 2014 at 7:38 am

    Very interesting.

    Anybody ever googled 5 Deadly Terms Used by A Woman or 5 Deadly Terms Used by A Man? Very interesting.



  45.  #45T.Bradley on March 12, 2014 at 7:53 am

    Kyla-41,
    I cant wait to get to that point were someone begins to make me melt besides this a** im dealing with now!!!! excuse my language but hey its the truth!



  46.  #46Violette on March 12, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Awful just awful! I feel so shocked he was so unkind. I liked him so much and could barely sleep, and I don’t know how to process this.

    I want to forgive him and love on myself, and it feels so hard. I want him to call me and apologize and hold me in his arms for hours.

    But he was so mean and never wants to talk to me again.

    How to I not get so shell shocked I never open up to love again? It all feels to big for me today.



  47.  #47T.Bradley on March 12, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Femininewoman -42,
    I am guilty of all those terms. Have been using them on a regular for 2 years!!



  48.  #48T.Bradley on March 12, 2014 at 8:09 am

    Violette-44,
    O how I know what your going thru!!!! I dont know the entire situation but you should give it some time and I think he’s gonna come around.



  49.  #49Violette on March 12, 2014 at 8:28 am

    T Bradley I don’t think so. I asked him who’s hair thing was in his apt and he said it belonged to all his bitches. I said that’s his right but I don’t feel comfortable seeing other womens things at his house. He said nothing. I said He’s allowed to do what he wants but I can’t handle seeing it, and he sitll said nothing, so I left. He then texted me the most unkind things about how sick he was of putting up with my jealousy and drama and how much money he’d spent on me and my behavior was unacceptable, don’t even bother responding. I did, that my heart was broken and he was being mean, and he said don’t text me again good luck.

    That was it. And we were supposed to be celebrating my birthday. And I had wanted him to come after me and say no, it was his daughter hair band…

    I feel so wrecked. I can’t focus on anything. This has never happened to me before. How does it keep getting worse and worse for me? How did I not see his unkindness coming? How is this my life?

    I don’t want this . I want a man who cares about my feelings and doesn’t call it drama. I can’t accept that this is how it ends. But he doesn’t aknowledge my experience.



  50.  #50Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 8:33 am

    (((Violette))) Sit with the shocked feeling and love on that and shake and cry if you want to, let the deeper feelings surface.. the feelings of grief, of anger and of fear will all come up for you to love too. Let them flow through you with love and acceptance. They are what they are. Drop your thoughts into your pelvis and FEEL whatever you feel without analyses. Don’t try to rush the process or allow your thoughts to take over. Your heart can remain open even when it feels great pain and it will heal faster too. This pain is a gift in disguise. 90% of your current pain is usually from the past and if you can let the feelings flow now you will be healing deeper wounds than you realise. Better feelings are just around the corner waiting to embrace you and lift you up. XO



  51.  #51Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 8:53 am

    FW that was interesting. I dropped those words a long while ago.. saying I’m fine especially drove my exH crazy.. although I think tone may be more important as back then I had simply changed the word fine to perfect but with the same tone and sentiment! I’ve noticed men respond to my tone, gestures and facial expressions more than the actual words. As for the guy phrases, now that made me smile and nod! I’ve long realised that ‘I’ve been busy’ is man speak for I had better things to do.. because I use it myself πŸ™‚



  52.  #52Dominique on March 12, 2014 at 9:06 am

    Tereana – 39 and more – Your awareness and processing blow me away. You’re awesome.

    xxoo



  53.  #53Femininewoman on March 12, 2014 at 9:10 am

    RE 47 – So true Kyla. Yesterday after unfriending someone I felt the fear and thought I had processed through. Last night while sitting in the car waiting for my son the feelings crept up on me and I caught myself grabbing for something to eat. As I sank into the feelings I realized I still had feelings of deep sadness, hurt, not enoughness and helplessness. When I sank even further to find out where it was coming from for the first time in years I felt it was left over pain from my very first major breakup with the man I was supposed to marry 30+ years ago.



  54.  #54Violette on March 12, 2014 at 9:28 am

    Thank you Kyla. I will do all those things. I feel grateful for the directions on what to do to heal, and so grateful for the kind words.



  55.  #55Violette on March 12, 2014 at 9:41 am

    TBradly thank you. I replied longer but it’s in moderation.



  56.  #56Magnolia on March 12, 2014 at 10:39 am

    Why not ask the question- What kind of men get married and which don’t ? πŸ˜‰ or What kind of men and women marry each other? Yes, there is a lot of truth in the things said here which are basically referring to ways to appeal to the instincts of men but not so much to the natural instincts of women. Yes, I would love to take care of myself but I have had to learn to take care of myself because my mother and my grandmother did not know or teach me how to. Yes, being slim is in favor of my health as well as my marriage but I don’t want to be slim just to be married. I am barely 30 but I dont want to believe that finding a husband or finding love should be anymore difficult at 40 than it is at 30. While the study was fine with pulling out gendered norms that act in favor of marriage, the language and interpretations were downright simplistic, dull and sexist. I will buy the facts but the facts don’t do much to move me- the So What ? question still lurks huge.



  57.  #57Rori Raye on March 12, 2014 at 11:49 am

    Syreena – I’m so glad your commentlanded in moderation – because here’s what I get from what you say (I feel I can speak freely because we know each other by now…): This article is STATISTICS. Plain and simple data. What men said, parsed data. (Yes, data can be looked at in many ways and interpreted in many ways, and yet I think most of this is pretty objective.)

    You just don’t LIKE the information. It made you ANGRY. Your response here is total anger, rage. You got triggered. And this, more than anything else, is often the source of unhappiness. Rather than look at what we see, at what is, and let it in and not take it personally, we let “what is” make us RESIST. Here, you’re fighting. And my question to you is: is this a good use of your energy? Is fighting “What Is” in this way, with anger rather than transformative action, part of the solution? Or is it more a part of the pain?

    I’m certain there are statistics out there that show things from a different viewpoint, one where “men” have to “measure up” (most likely in the money, status, dress and grooming areas) that would have most men screaming and throwing things at the “screen” as well.

    And – does that help anything? Or is dressing better a simple, acceptable solution for a man (or a woman, too)? Is taking care of yourself if you’re a woman (or man) an acceptable thing to do – for yourself, AND for how that effects people around you? Is it acceptable to do things that turn a man on instead of off?

    Good questions….I know MY answers…where are you on these things? Love, Rori



  58.  #58Rori Raye on March 12, 2014 at 11:50 am

    Violette, Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability…so much here to work with…brava to you for all your awarenesses, and we will help you work through this…Love, Rori



  59.  #59Heather on March 12, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    Wow! What great information. It confirms all your teaching. Thank you for sharing it.



  60.  #60Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    Violette – I want to wrap you up in a warm hug! You expressed your feelings and HONOURED your boundaries by walking away, you did so awesome! And you are more aware of what you don’t want in relationship, that’s huge! For whatever reason this showed up for you I truly believe it will shift things for you now.



  61.  #61Liquid Light on March 12, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    Feeling discouraged. The guy that I met at the happy hour last week and hit it off with (talked all night, walked me to my car with his arm around me, wanted to kiss me, got my number) hasn’t called πŸ™

    And the architect with whom I had a great date with on Sunday doesn’t seem to be stepping up. He hasn’t contacted me since and seems reluctant to make specific plans – date, time, place – even though I communicated pretty clearly that I want that.

    I don’t get it. I make great connections with men, and they come back with ambivalence???. So discouraging because the connection is obviously really nice but still they aren’t following through??!!! What the hell are they looking for??? GRRRRRR

    It really makes me question my ability to interpret and gauge interest and trust my intuition. πŸ™



  62.  #62T.Bradley on March 12, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Violette-49,
    Ive heard all those kinda words too and still wanted to go back so dont feel alone!!!!! If nobody else can relate to your right now feelings I can! Mine actually told me Sunday that I disrespected him and he was trying to respect my feelings and told me he would still be my friend but not to dial his d** number again. He also said I mean nothing to him and he dont see me the same! I aske dhim why was he being so ugly and he said because I was F*****g with him and he knew he shouldn’t have called me back. Im getting to the place were Im statrting to love myself more and not let what he say or do bothe rme so much. The thing that gets me is he loves me one day and hates me the next. And after he cools down from his temper tantrum he wants to call back, but im TIRED!



  63.  #63Liquid Light on March 12, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    On a more positive note, I really feel like I’m over my ex, finally. I’m ready to move on and, yes, I feel like he was a loser…hahahaha!!! It wasn’t until recently that I was thinking of him protectively as a good guy but that it just didn’t work out for us. But now I see that he was seriously flawed and I’m glad to be done with him. So it was encouraging to see in the survey that women who think of their ex’s as losers are more likely to get married, LOL…..Hoorah!!!



  64.  #64T.Bradley on March 12, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    Liquid Light-62,

    I wish I could let this loser E go but its so hard!! Its getting better everyday. I honestly believe as soon as I find someone I like he will be history.



  65.  #65Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    (((Liquid Light))) Maybe that’s why these loser types were showing up for you? To help you see that he wasn’t really what you wanted after all and now you can move on and things will shift for you πŸ™‚

    Oh if you find out why men poof after a few amazing dates please let me know. I feel curious too if there is something I am doing / not doing but then again I like to believe they are just weeding themselves out for better men to step forward.



  66.  #66Lisa on March 12, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    I’m giving up offically!!!

    This is just too much…. I look at my daughters and how much I miss them…. how busy my life is… and how much my emotional stuff I have to go through to get into a loving and healthy long term relationship with a man….

    “J” said so many wonderful things… but I noticed that…. he also played games with me about the whole taking my profile down.. ( his idea not mine) and was so worried about me taking mine down… and I had this big gut feeling he wasn’t being honest with me…..

    He also said to me men will say anything to get in bed with you…. I know that… I said…

    While on the phone with him, I got this gut feeling something was strange…. really strange… like…. I was online at his profile we were joking about it, and it said he was online… he said I’m driving someone has hacked into my account…

    Hummm said he was taking his profile down …. and sent me a message…. then I took all mine down… but after last night talking …. that gut feeling again… this morning I decided to look to see if his was down… it wasn’t.. it was back up on two sites…

    If I feel my feelings as they are right now, I’d be crying and crying and doing the tools and my child would again feel awful that mommy is sad again…. and she wouldn’t be having any fun watching mommy again… being hurt…

    I think I’m done… really done…. I gave it my all!!! I worked hard on myself for 20+ years, been honest and worked the tools….

    I’m an amazing women… which isn’t worth 2 cents if men don’t see it or think it is worth having… I don’t play games…

    So I got scammed!!! I slept with him, I thought he was honest… and guess he just knew how to maneuver me…..

    I should have listened to my gut long while back… instead of trusting until I had proof!

    He said he has 3 women that are crazy about him… that are friends…. hummm that reeks of player to me….

    I love all you ladies and have grown to really care about this group and want you all to have what you desire most… a loving man…. but my children are growing up and missing me and the time I used to spend with them ( I still do) but all this stuff I’m doing here takes up time that takes away from other important things in life…

    I guess I thought that It would come soon and all would be worth it… and then life would go back to a place of being with a man and not having to be dating so much and I could get back to things I love dearly…

    but it hasn’t worked that way…. and I look at my daughters and hear their frustrations of mommy is distant, emotional and etc…

    I love me, I love them…. and I was hoping to find a man……..

    I really am done…. done…

    I just want to cry it all out… and get up tomorrow and be done… get on with my life…

    not that I haven’t been getting on with my life, I have but I’ve also had to spend so much time on this stuff and it has taken its toll…

    OXOXOXO



  67.  #67Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    (((((Lisa)))))



  68.  #68Liquid Light on March 12, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    Lisa,

    Maybe you just need a break? Take some time off from dating, you’ve been through a lot with the latest guy – I don’t blame you at all for feeling drained – and see how you feel after a few days/weeks? Just a thought. Hang in there, sweetie!

    (((((((((((((((Lisa)))))))))))))))))



  69.  #69Liquid Light on March 12, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    Thanks Kyla. Yeah, it so frustrating to have guys dragging their feet after an awesome time together

    DOES

    NOT

    MAKE

    ANY

    SENSE

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  70.  #70Violette on March 12, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    T Bradly, Kyla, and Rori, thank you for your encouragement. I still feel so sad but better than this morning. I know I will heal. I keep telling myself that. I don’t want to like him but I do. I still feel so connected and I really felt we had something of substance, that he cared. And I can’t believe what happened. And it did happen. And I guess that’s it. And it feels harsh and cold, and I feel so eager to move beyond this, to forgive him and build myself up so I feel valuable enough to find his behavior totally unattractive. I want that so bad.

    I guess that’s a starting point. At least I don’t think I did anything wrong. The only thing I blame myself for is that it happened to me. Which is in a way an improvement. And of course I’d like to forgive myself for that too. And be in love, and gratitude, and live my life so well that I have perspective.



  71.  #71BeLoved on March 12, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    (((Lisa))))



  72.  #72T.Bradley on March 12, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    Violette-69,
    You will heal in time and I know the same applies to me. I dont know when but im sure we will all one day have a REAL MAN that will treat us the way we deserve to be treated. I feel so connected to this guy too but im trying to put in the back of my mind that he dont want me. Its sad to say but when you can admit the truth you starts to feel better. And maybe you and him will get another try. Ive exceeded my tries with E but everytime he calls I take him back!



  73.  #73Liquid Light on March 12, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    Thoughts on the Bachelor and red flags. The two finalist this season, Claire and Nikki, were both shown red flags by the bachelor Juan Pablo during the show. And they both chose to ignore them. (For those of you who haven’t sent the show, this season’s bachelor is reviled for being selfish and insensitive, careless etc.) Claire seemed to be shocked and devastated when JP rejected her and chose Nikki. However, she was shown plenty of red flags along the way (most egregious to me was him shaming her after their interlude in the ocean, and him insulting her off camera on their last date) And yet, she ignored these things and was devastated when he didn’t pick her. She woke up though and gave him a piece of her mind which I think everyone enjoyed watching. Hahaha! Then Nikki, though she was the chosen one, now has a very non-committal man who seems like he is stringing her along and is making no promises to her.

    So interesting how we as women so often ignore the red flags in front of us and proceed forward anyway. I know I did this with my ex again and again. I see it now but at the time, I just didn’t want to see the red flags and so I stuck my head in the sand and pretended they weren’t there. It seems so obvious now looking back though. Sigh.

    I really don’t want to do that again and this time around I’m determined to see any red flags clearly and move on sooner rather than later. I know its not easy sometimes but I’m determined that this won’t happen to me again. I just can’t and won’t go through that again. It was absolutely awful.



  74.  #74Violette on March 12, 2014 at 2:22 pm

    TBradley you are very kind. I feel like J has done me a favor. He doesn’t seem to have the ability for relationship, at least the way I need it. And I want so much to have it, I don’t know I would have had the strength to move on if he hadn’t been so extreme. I know I will heal. This is coming clearer to me. Thank you again.



  75.  #75Syreena on March 12, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    That feels an interesting question to ask myself Rori am I angry? I suppose I am more at the place of the place of past caring about what most of them want as they don’t measure up to what I want. So why would I be bothered what they wanted if they weren’t what I wanted?

    So is it anger not really, more worn out and can’t be bothered as most now just make me feel sick the more I get to know them if i’m honest. To me it feels more like indifference and yuck don’t want most of them anyway. Can see how you would perceive it as anger though.



  76.  #76Syreena on March 12, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    I feel confused by what you are asking me Rori re the last bit is it acceptable to do things that turn a man on?

    I don’t really know what you are asking me.

    I would feel more than happy to meet and be in a relationship with a good man who didn’t see or treat women and girls as possessions or objects.



  77.  #77Syreena on March 12, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    and both do things that turned each other on if we were in love as an expression of wanting to share that love with each other, so long as it didn’t involve causing severe harm to ourselves or others. Or witnessing others causing severe harm to themselves so we could be entertained and turned on at their expense if you get my drift my being one step removed from being a John.



  78.  #78Dominique on March 12, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    Violette – 49 – It took a lot of courage to speak your truth here and keep your boundaries, so I say YAY YOU!!!

    Yes I understand how painful this must feel, and I’m sorry. Your awareness is growing, and the more you work with it, hone it, the easier it will be to see this kind of thing coming earlier to the point where you no longer attract or attracted to a man would go to the place this one did.

    It WILL get better. I can promise you this.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  79.  #79BeLoved on March 12, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    I’m actually feeling like I’m in a sweet spot right now.
    Not dating, yet I am cultivating my friendships.
    Some of them begun a few years ago, just feeling as if they are ripening.
    A lot of it has to do with me, being more honest and open and taking better care of myself, practicing gratitude and forgiveness.

    Yet another night of dreams of feeling my heart heal. Making something right in the dream time with someone not available in waking life. My heart feel so rich and ripe and swollen with blood and life and yum.

    Happythankyoumoreplease!



  80.  #80Hopeful on March 12, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    Returning to this site after a really long, long year.

    I am now getting divorced.

    I tried so hard to save that marriage, but gave up so much of myself in the process.

    But the thing that amazes me the most about getting divorced is how many of your friends slip away. The married ones aren’t around for their reasons. And the single ones don’t want you at events where there are other guys because suddenly you are competition.

    I must say, I knew I would have to give up a lot to get divorced (home, marriage, etc.) but I had no idea how many friends would slip away – just when I need them most. I am the first in my group of friends to get divorced. Thank goodness I have some old friends (college, old work friends, etc) who are there. But I really did not expect so many friends to slip away. It also does not help that I live in a cold state that is really really cold this year, and people tend to be home bodies when it is cold. Oddly, the husbands still get together with my ex for happy hours, but the women, well they are somehow very busy now.

    Getting divorced really stinks. And yes, I am joining support groups. Still sucks.

    Did any one else experience this when they got divorced?



  81.  #81Syreena on March 12, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Feels good to look back and read what I don’t want.
    As until I say can say NO to what I don’t want, I will not be in a place to say yes to what I do want.
    I am fussy. Yayyy I Love my fussiness.



  82.  #82Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    Yes Hopeful I had the same experience. I remember it felt awful and loney and I felt some abandonment and anger and resentment that these people disappeared when I most needed them. All those feelings mirrored my feelings around my divorce and grieving the phase of my life I was leaving. I changed and that meant some of my friends were no longer a fit. The rest came back out of the wood work later. I look back and see that I was growing in a new direction, needed time and space to heal and make new connections while I rethought and rebuilt my life. That’s exactly what I was given even if it didn’t feel good at the time.

    ((((Hopeful))))



  83.  #83Syreena on March 12, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    Hugs to you hopeful. X

    This song resonates with me.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFfmNQbcucw



  84.  #84Senior Lady Vibe on March 12, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    I’ll read them later… but the stats you get in a survey depend very much on the group(s) you sample.

    SLV
    xoxo



  85.  #85LoveAlways on March 12, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    (((((Hopeful)))))



  86.  #86Liquid Light on March 12, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    Wow, I’m starting to feel grateful that neither one these guys that I was excited about has contacted me. Because given their hot/cold behavior so far, I know it would be frustrating to be involved with them so the fact that they haven’t contacted me is a gift! Wow, what an insight. Don’t get me wrong, though, if they did step up, I would welcome them with open arms. Nice to start to feel at peace with it either way because either way I win. Wow this is pretty cool! Proud of myself that I could turn it around and be OK with it all, and shout out to you, Kyla, I think this is what you were getting at! Thank you!!!!



  87.  #87Cris on March 12, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    so wise @LiquidLight



  88.  #88Liquid Light on March 12, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Thanks Cris! This feels like a big breakthrough for me! Hope it sticks! πŸ™‚



  89.  #89Tereana on March 12, 2014 at 5:34 pm

    Violette – 46: What happened?? I must have missed someting ((Violette))

    Dominique (52) – Thank you : ) Such a nice compliment. That made me smile to read πŸ™‚

    Millie – How are you involved the fashion industry? I’m curious. I’m sort of edging in that direction myself, and it’s been a long time coming – and partly because I felt guilty and like it was somehow demeaning to women, and for that reason bad and/or shallow. But my real feeling is that it is empowering and fun, and can truly help people be their best selves in a very real way. ANd, I also think BOTH of those things can be true…all depending on how you approach it.

    So, I am curious…what is your involvement?? xoxo



  90.  #90Zia on March 12, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    Hi everyone! Just popping in to say things are still going very well. We’ve even talked about going on a holiday away somewhere which is nice. Still feeling pretty special and cherished, and most of all I feel heard. I can express my feelings and needs and feel safe about doing that, and know that he is always paying attention to what I say. Zia out πŸ˜€



  91.  #91Tereana on March 12, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    Kyla (64) – “Oh if you find out why men poof after a few amazing dates please let me know.”

    I remember reading something from I think EMK on this topic one time. But actually it was stated even more clearly by Dave Barry (the humor columnist) in an article from like the 1980s or something. Basically, he offered that men poof after a few good dates NOT because you are doing something wrong, but because actually you are so amazing that they feel like if they keep seeing you, they will utterly fall in love with you, and (to paraphrase) this scares the crap out of them. To paraphrase again, that basically, after two or three (or maybe even one date) with an amazing woman that they feel a connection with, they will see a commitment to the next date as essentially a commitment to marry her, and they feel so overwhelmed with this, that they simply bolt. Crazy, right? But this was coming from a man.

    And in a weird way, putting myself in guy shoes, I was like “aha!” And then, back in girl shoes, I was like “Whew!”

    What he was saying, to me, was that, as much as we can get caught up in our imaginations, they can, too – and maybe even more so.

    And then I felt more compassion for the guys.

    And it also means that when a guy does keep dating you, and if he’s the type of guy who does want to get married, then it’s reassuring, because it means that he really is thinking of a future with you – even if he doesn’t say anything about it.

    Basically, Kyla, what I think it means is not that you are doing something wrong. But that maybe you are so amazing that you are suddenly making all these guys think of marriage, and it seems so huge to them. But if they go away and think about it, they might come back at some point when they feel like you are ready. And your siren receptiveness will be ready when they are : )

    Wow, that was long. I was just inspired by your question. Lol xoxo



  92.  #92Tereana on March 12, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    Sorry, Kyla – at the end there, I meant they might come back when *they* feel ready (not waiting for you to be ready…not what I meant at all. lol. other way around… ; )



  93.  #93Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    Yay LL that felt so good to read! I love turn arounds!



  94.  #94Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    Oh wow Tereana thank you! That feels so amazingly good. Love to you <3



  95.  #95Tereana on March 12, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    Zia – that is awesome! Yay!

    I just wanted to talk for a moment about statistics. And forgive me for challening Rori, but I was really inpsired by what she said. Because I’ve actually studied statistics and topics that rely on statistics. And basically, numbers are NOT just numbers. Yes, they are. But you have to look at what is around the numbers also, in order to make your best interpretation.

    Because even “just the numbers” are already interpreted, even as you see them. Who and how large is the sample size? What questions were they asked? How are the results presented?

    In this case, without even looking at the results I can tell you that there is an immediate bias to “the numbers.” Men were asked questions about women that they would marry (and here my question would be: is this a hypothetical answer, or are they answering about women that they actually did marry?). And that’s one source of potential bias. But the real bias is that the men in this equation are the decision-makers. This whole list is predicated on the fact that women are the passive recipients of a man’s ability to choose the woman he wants to marry.

    Not that man can’t or shouldn’t choose.

    But, like Rori said, it could go the other way, too.

    What’s sexist is, why are there so many lists out there like this? Why do women just love and crave to know “what they can do” to be more attractive to men? (if they didn’t crave this, lists like this wouldn’t be so popular.) Why are we taught that we have to “do stuff” to be attractive to them? And – I thought this is what the blog here was all about – what about BEING amazing? So we eat a bunch of potato chips. If we are true sirens, that’s not going to matter one bit to a guy.

    Christian Carter talks about this some – about the kind of attraction that a man feels that is not just about the superficial stuff that men are portrayed as caring about. Men want to feel connected on a heart level, too.

    Plus, think about all the women who get married who don’t have perfect bodies, who maybe aren’t all that smart, and might even have an illness or a disability. Men, too. It happens ALL THE TIME.

    That is because, no matter how many lists that anyone makes, no one can account for human behavior. No one can really predict who will be attracted to whom, or for what reason. At the end of the day, it is all love, and we are ALL worthy of it, no matter what.

    So that’s another reason I refuse to look at that list: just the idea of it seems demeaning to both men and women. That women would be so superficial as to look to a list to see what kind of “perfect wife” she can be. Or that men would be held to a standard of being so superficial that all he’s doing is looking for this random perfect golden girl who checks off all the boxes.

    Who gives a crap about the boxes? Men have hearts, too. They are looking for a woman who feels comfortable and safe in her heart, in her body, so that they can feel comfortable and safe with her, too.

    If I had to sum up the “statistics” without even looking at them, I’m guessing that’s probably what it would come down to… So I think I’ll save three minutes of my life, and the heartache and feeling of “not good enough” that would come with it. Thank you very much. ; )

    Just my two (or five) cents



  96.  #96Tereana on March 12, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    Kyla – Yay : ) You are very welcome.

    And you do seem super cool, so maybe if I ever go to Toronto, we could hang out!! lol xo



  97.  #97Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    Absolutely! That would be awesome πŸ™‚ I wish there were local siren meetups but until my wish comes true I shall keep spamming the blog lol.
    Where are you?



  98.  #98Kyla on March 12, 2014 at 6:31 pm

    I came up with a new feel good image today driving home! I had to work really late tonight and my lunch date was not good today and the russian sent a text that felt icky that I haven’t yet responded to. I was feeling grumpy and overtired. I started thinking of Rori’s be a fern and let yourself be watered imagery and then I thought of the men all shooting arrows of love at me and catching them imagery..

    suddenly I imagined the arrows were water balloons instead and the men are throwing love at me. I can let the balloon hit the ground but when I catch the balloons they are bursting open and splashing and soaking me and I felt shiny and loved up and drenched with happy feel good sensations and I felt instantly better!



  99.  #99Violette on March 12, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    Dominique your words are so encouraging, thank you. I feel inspired by them.



  100.  #100Linda on March 12, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    Wow so much going on with all of us.!!

    @78, Hopeful… I just wanted to respond to your question. My personal experience was the same as what you are encountering right now. I kinda joke about it now and say. “Yeah, I lost all my friends in the the divorce”. It isn’t funny at all but it is what it happened to me too.

    ——

    As far as the survey goes.. there is a lot to digest in it.

    I realized today that I am in such a different place today than I was a few years ago. I used to put up, settle with things just to have a man, a significant other… NOW.. no way! I heard a statement on TV the other day that was concerning relationships that said. “If you settle for what you got, then you deserve what you get” hmmmm. It feels true.



  101.  #101Linda on March 12, 2014 at 6:55 pm

    totally off the subject here. but…

    I have never in my life watched the Bachelor shows that have been on TV. For some reason I was channel surfing and watched the last episode and the after the rose show of this season.

    I was astonished at what I saw. Brava to the gal on the couch who spoke her heart and walked away. I felt the one(Nicki) who sat next the juan pablo after that..(even though she was supposed to be the winner was the looser. I felt sad that she stayed by the side of a man who can not, will not tell her he loves her.



  102.  #102Turquoise on March 12, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    Tereana, I love your take on the statistics!! Thank you!

    Liquid Light… I love your turn around. I’m feeling that way about my date Saturday. He hasn’t called… And I’m unaffected. If he does or doesn’t… Each are ok! Because I’m not attached.

    (((Lisa))) not all men are like that. You can certainly take a break! Doesn’t have to be permanent. Don’t let him ruin your thoughts and feelings on love. It will all be ok!



  103.  #103Lisa on March 12, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    Well after my vent… I practiced looking at clouds and my daughters beautiful face…. then I did TheWork on a statement that was the root of lots of my issues…

    and I felt totally love and peace… my child said, mom you are all love and mushy now… I was…

    I let go! I was done! done! and I meant it… I could do so in love… and joy!

    My daughter’s could feel my change in “letting go”….

    and he called I sent him a reply to his e-mail and I said… I feel all shaky and confused… and I didn’t expect to have any reply at all!

    He texted me back… and said then we should talk… and then he called…

    and he told me the total truth… about why he did it…. I’m so amazed and how bluntly honest we both were about our insecurities and fears of our relationship…

    and we both owned our own stuff… it was great!

    and I’m feeling so connected and more deeply intimate with him now…

    it was incredible….

    he said he felt so much better and I told him how much it meant to me that he called me tonight…

    I feel like I just took myself to a deeper level of love for myself… and I dropped a big limiting belief…

    So, I told him how I felt and what would feel good to me…. and he said he’d think about it and let me know tomorrow… I’m good with that… b/c all I ever want is the truth…

    Shew! what a day… but ending amazingly well…

    OXOXOX



  104.  #104Emerson on March 12, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    Hi sirens u feel a block to reading this article, I don’t want to feel like I have to be a certain way to be statistically marryable but maybe that’s why I’m still single. I feel conflicted over this and I fear emk would feel smug toward me saying “yep see you’re not the cool girl ”

    Maybe I’m not but I’m me and that’s ok



  105.  #105Emerson on March 12, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    (((Lisa)))



  106.  #106Emerson on March 12, 2014 at 10:04 pm

    I did some nice things for myself today.
    I’ve been writing my intentions in a little note book and it’s helpful.



  107.  #107blue rose on March 12, 2014 at 10:52 pm

    I’m so screwed



  108.  #108Millie on March 12, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    Tereana 86–

    I’d be happy to share…
    Right now I am an Assistant Designer for a high end womenswear brand. I got into fashion through being involved with ballet in high school. I started taking costuming and have always love vintage clothing so sewing was a natural avenue for me to fall into. I’ve always been creative and love both the technical aspects of fashion as well as how clothes can transform a person, a mood, a feeling….

    I think aspects of the fashion industry can be degrading for women, there are many things happening in the industry that I don’t agree with, but I don’t write off the entire industry altogether. There are many great, forward-thinking aspects of the industry as well.

    How are you thinking to get involved in it?



  109.  #109Liquid Light on March 12, 2014 at 11:42 pm

    Millie, I just want to say, you rock it girl! Drop mechanic and guys like that, you are so much more worthy than that! I think you are awesome and I am inspired by you. You deserve to be with inspiring men that are worthy of you! I so want you to believe in yourself because you are are an awesome woman!!! Believe it!!!!



  110.  #110Cris on March 13, 2014 at 4:05 am

    @Lisa100
    I am happy you are still here with us, sharing your experiences, thoughts and feelings.
    I don’t consider myself as a person with the right to give advice on this, as I had made so many mistakes. Just letting you know that I see you are happier now but it is maybe because of his positive feedback and behaviour. Please continue cultivating happiness just for yourself, not depending on him or on anybody else.
    I am sure you already now, but I just had the need to say that.

    Forgive me if it is an unnecesary comment for you
    xoxoxo



  111.  #111Maggy on March 13, 2014 at 4:38 am

    This article makes e feel like circular dating really does work… Go on more than three dates a week. Try to understand men. Don’t get strung along.

    Makes sense. And sounds like fun.



  112.  #112T.Bradley on March 13, 2014 at 5:33 am

    Kyla-94,
    Thats the same thing I was wishing on earlier in the week, that it was a local meet-up for some of us!!!! That would be good!



  113.  #113Femininewoman on March 13, 2014 at 5:53 am

    ((((((bluerose))))))))



  114.  #114Shannon P. on March 13, 2014 at 5:58 am

    Is it ok to just want him to leave me alone?

    I don’t even want to look at him. Just questions about our daughter and otherwise, leave me alone.

    Ugh.



  115.  #115Kyla on March 13, 2014 at 9:00 am

    Mmmm I answered the Russian’s text last night with total honesty and asked what he thought. He answered this morning with honesty and said its probably not what I wanted to hear. I agreed with him and thanked him and xyz is what feels best to me. He said he doesn’t agree and thinks we should move forward. I thanked him for his honesty and that it seems we’re not on the same page.

    I feel good for speaking my truth and not trying to compromise my needs to fit his needs. I feel good opening up the conversation in a way that respected both of us. It doesn’t matter if he comes back or not. I was true to me! Ok, who’s next?



  116.  #116T-Girl on March 13, 2014 at 9:23 am

    78 Hopeful,

    I remember after I got divorced thinking that I didn’t have anything in common with my friends at work anymore since they were all married. Especially when I started dating I REALLY felt like they didn’t get me. To top it off, I started telling them about Rori’s book and then that made it even worse. I lived through it though because I hear them complain about their marriages while I practice what I have learned and have a fantastic relationship with my fiance.

    I do believe I lost one of my best friends though. She was the matron of honor at my first wedding. We haven’t spoken in a while so I emailed her rececently to let her know about my upcoming marriage and she hasn’t responded which makes me sad. I guess when you split things up from your marriage, mutual friends are included in what is being split.



  117.  #117Kyla on March 13, 2014 at 9:48 am

    (((Shannon P.))) Of course its ok!



  118.  #118Andrea on March 13, 2014 at 10:07 am

    Woo Hoo Maggie 111! And Love you love you love you Kyla!!

    I feel so wonderful and positive this morning. I read the statistics article and “Hey, sounds like a good time AND.. I am always the exception to the rule! heehehee”

    I felt as though the article was talking about the general public, the common people, and we are soooo Goddessy! We aren’t out there looking to simply “get married”. We are the ones who are dancing with Joy, and lighting up the Universe, and flirting with Destiny, and Every Single Turn!

    We are the ladies who statistics don’t apply to, but with curiosity and a generous dose of humour, we get to read them and notice.. simply notice.. it feels wonderful to “fit in”.. it feels wonderful to NOT fit in.

    Now, I am in a Universal Lesson mode of … “releasing the wanting”… releasing my hold on the outcome.

    I had a meeting with the most interesting and intriguing man yesterday. But I was in full out boy energy because I interviewed him for my cable show and I had to direct, direct, direct. It did not feel natural and I had a hard time relaxing. But I think I got some good feminine strokes in there. And I kept hoping against hope that there was some possibility that I’d run into him in a different type of setting so he could see me in goddess mode.

    Last night, I had a date. This is with a man from my past who was passing through town. I know there’s no future with him but I am always on the look out for practice time. And I truly enjoy spending time with him.
    I got all dressed up and flowy. I preened and shined and my date took me to a beautiful romantic wine bistro. One that I could never afford on my own dime. I was just ecstatic when we walked in the door hand in hand.

    And who should I see gazing at me from across the restaurant???? The VERY MAN I interviewed that afternoon. He was beaming at me and almost rose from his seat to come and greet me. But then noticed I was on a date so I saw him kind of visibly shake himself, then giggle, then turn his attention back to the group he was seated with.

    Well, I had a wonderful date of course, but it felt so electric to feel the other man’s eyes on me through out the evening.

    Now, I’m in such a mood. I feel a “wanting”. I want him to contact me. I also feel as though this is such a neat energetic lesson in just letting the Universe unfold as it will. I absolutely love the journey and riding along on these waves of coincidence and chance makes me feel like I’m on a great adventure. WOW! Life is so charged with excitement and wonder. Hooray!



  119.  #119Liquid Light on March 13, 2014 at 10:12 am

    Wow Kyla 115, I’m impressed. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to speak honestly like that but it sounds like you know what you want and you are taking a stand for it. You go, girl, you are inspiring! πŸ™‚



  120.  #120Liquid Light on March 13, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Maggy 111 Yes!!!!



  121.  #121Dominique on March 13, 2014 at 10:48 am

    Andrea – 118 – wow!!! love this. πŸ™‚

    xxoo



  122.  #122Liquid Light on March 13, 2014 at 10:50 am

    Yes Linda 101, I felt the same way too. He’s just stringing her along. So sad. I watched the whole show and he’s been the worst bachelor ever. Several women called him on his **** though on the show. It was great to watch it when it happened – bravo to them! But sad to see some of the other women had the wool pulled over their eyes and got dragged into his BS.



  123.  #123Iris on March 13, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Late Reply to Dominique, #30 of Bobbi Palmer post

    Dominique, I had mentioned that I was looking for women support groups in Los Angeles. I found that what was making me feel isolated had less to do with my female friends, and more about my personal level of comfort with feeling messages. I am still learning how to feel comfortable expressing myself in feeling messages to everyone around me.



  124.  #124Liquid Light on March 13, 2014 at 11:37 am

    I got a hot pink new tight top and a silvery gray crop jacket. Going to wear it with black cigarette pants and black heels. It’s a bit slutty/sexy outfit but fun too. πŸ™‚ Looking forward to having an opportunity to wear it!

    I hope it doesn’t limit my chances to get married though! lol



  125.  #125Dominique on March 13, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    Iris – Yes I understand. It takes practice like anything new or unfamiliar. Start with little things maybe, eg. I feel cold. I feel hungry. I feel so good. I feel really happy right now.

    If you want to get more poetic, experiment. For example, the sunset tonight is making me feel goldne pink yumminess.

    Baby steps. πŸ™‚

    xxoo



  126.  #126Femininewoman on March 13, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    “these waves of coincidence and chance” – serendipity



  127.  #127Indigo on March 13, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    ((((Lisa)))) 66,

    If that is what your soul is telling you, that might be right for you right now.

    *hugs*



  128.  #128CurvySiren10 on March 13, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Liquid Light..your outfit sounds super cute to me, but remember if you want a husband you can’t “dress like a ho”…lol.

    As for The Bachelor…maybe I’m the only one thinking this way, but I respect the guy for not jumping into “I love you”‘s and a proposal if he wasn’t ready for it. And in fact, it seems a lot more realistic to me to say I picked her because I like her a lot and want to get to know her better, rather than jumping into something he wasn’t sure about yet. I mean, isn’t that what we do in real life? I think we’d be freaking out over a guy saying I love you after only knowing him for a short time and in such a weird setting like a reality TV show. I really am struggling with why everyone hates the guy for this.



  129.  #129CurvySiren10 on March 13, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    PS. Liquid Light~ I did not mean to imply you were dressing like a ho. πŸ™‚ I was simply mocking that ‘finding’ from the marriage survey. I think your outfit sounds sexy and classy. πŸ™‚



  130.  #130Millie on March 13, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Liquid light 109—
    Aww thank you so much for that!!! I really needed to hear that right now…..work is stressful today. I’ve been given a task that I have to complete in two days and I’m feeling the pressure. Not only because the company is riding on this but I don’t feel experienced enough. I just need to focus and churn it out.

    In regards to mechanic. I’m done. I’m not even going to do the friendship thing. I’m not going to like or comment on any of his posts. Zero.

    Due to some health issue, I quit smoking!!! I realized I am an addict as much as I denied it, that I would stop and start so many times…that I used smoking to cope with my emotions. I was addicted to using it as a tool when I felt stress or sadness. No more! Instead of having a smoke, I’m going on walks. I actually feel much happier after I do that than I ever did after smoking!! Yay!!!!



  131.  #131Liquid Light on March 13, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    Millie, that is SO exciting!!! They obviously wouldn’t have given you that assignment if they didn’t think you were super talented and capable! OMG, I am so excited for you!!! I’m a designer too (web apps) but not in fashion. I’m so jealous because that would be so fun! What I do is so much more boring than that!!



  132.  #132Liquid Light on March 13, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    I know what you mean curvy siren, I do kinda respect him for not jumping into I Love yous too but I kinda feel sorry for Nikki because he’s not giving her much to go on. I think he treated Claire horribly (shaming her for the late night ocean interlude and then telling her those offensive things off camera on their last date). I just wished she stood her ground more and didn’t buy into his lame explanation on their last date together. But she spoke her mind to him when he didn’t choose her. I thought that was cool and she said that it was the first time she had ever expressed her feelings that honestly to a man before. You could just see her grow and mature on the show!



  133.  #133Liquid Light on March 13, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    Thanks curvy 129!! I might look like a bit of a ho in that outfit but I don’t dress like that all the time. It will be fun!l lol πŸ™‚



  134.  #134Cris on March 13, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    @Andrea 118
    YES!! We are those ladies!!!

    Andrea for president!!! lol



  135.  #135Hopeful on March 13, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Thanks for the comments! It is sad that when you need friends the most, they are not there. Oddly, I think if my ex died, they would be there. Some strange stigma about divorce. Guess I will just have to make new friends and leave the door open if any of the old friends ever want to come back.



  136.  #136Kyla on March 13, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    Liquid Light! I want your clothes and your shoes πŸ™‚ Gimme!

    Andrea, amazing!!!!!! I feel so smiley and full of wonder!



  137.  #137Dominique on March 13, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    Millie – Congratulations on quitting smoking. I love your alternative. YAY you!!!

    xxoo



  138.  #138Violette on March 13, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    Andrea I love this reminder of how wonderful synchronicity can be, how magic life can feel when I trust in it and believe in magic, and stop holding on so hard.

    I still get little waves of missing J. I wonder if he thinks about me… but what feels the creepiest is that I realize I don’t really understand much about how he thinks. He scares me.

    And I do feel so much better than yesterday. I do feel grateful for this experience, I have been noticing handsome men around me looking at me and smiling. And I feel hopeful for a future filled with love, fun, easiness, understanding, and intimacy.

    That’s just where I’m at.

    So from your comment Andrea I draw the inspiration to let go of J, to let go of the future, and to be sensually present and feel powerful. To reach for thoughts that make me feel wonderful. And to get serious about my happiness.



  139.  #139Tereana on March 13, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    Haven’t had time to read all and catch up, but yay, Millie! I agree that’s a great substitute – especially smoking is a break in your day, but so is walking, and that’s healthier. Yay!

    I have to say, one thing I’ve noticed about myself is that, whenever anything is feeling unpleasant to me, I go much more automatically to self-love and kind self-talk. I never used to do that AT ALL. And it was really hard to do, at first. But now it is almost automatic. And so, it doesn’t sce everything, but it does help me get through.

    And wow. I also think I really hit the jackpot with this guy. Every time I think things are just going to come crashing down, he responds with love and kindness and just a desire to see me happy. I love that. I never imagined finding a person like this – well, ok, I did. But it seemed like fiction. I still feel a little skeptical. Lol. But every day, he becomes even more reassuring…and I hope I can just keep holding myself through this, do that I can be the person I want to be, not a reactive bundle of whatever. Lol

    I love my emotions…



  140.  #140blue rose on March 13, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    #113 Femininewoman

    ha! thanks so much for the hugs Femininewoman. It was so sweet of you.

    that article made me think. and I felt really sad – and flawed. but I guess this is at least info I have and I can try to use it to my advantage.

    Time to check out the divorced or widowed men in my life. and not be so stuck on the idea of being with a guy who has never been married and never had kids.



  141.  #141Emerson on March 13, 2014 at 10:31 pm

    I didn’t have a perfect day but I started today with eating much better and no dairy! more greens!
    I want to feel better and yesterday I realized I’m not comfortable with my body….I’m not in horrible shape but I could be better! Intend to feel better!!!



  142.  #142Millie on March 14, 2014 at 1:08 am

    Yay Emerson!! I am on the same page…eating better which makes me feel better!! Lots of kale, broccoli, and blueberries πŸ™‚ I feel inspired to be the best version of myself too!



  143.  #143Linda on March 14, 2014 at 4:21 am

    @ 128 Hi Curvey!

    The thing I saw on the bachelor that made me feel all cringie was Nikki not Juan Pablo. It is all good that he is absolutely ok to not say what wasnt in his heart. However… Nikki saying “I know he loves me”…. imaginary??



  144.  #144Linda on March 14, 2014 at 5:09 am

    just felt like an imaginary relationship to me on her part is all. If she is good with what she has its ok.

    It just did not seem she was genuinely happy or really ok with. “He doesnt have to say it but I know he does”. Her words seemed like a hollow attempt to make something she really wanted and needed not important is all.



  145.  #145Tereana on March 14, 2014 at 5:20 am

    Andrea 118 – that does sound awesome : )

    LL – I like your outfit, too!! My personal philosophy is, where what makes you feel good and amazing.

    Getting caught up in what other people think is what I think leads to “looking like a ho.” Because people pick up more in your attitude than anything else. I equate “looking like a ho” to embodying a woman with low confidence. If you have high confidence, and you wear the same outfit, you will look like a strong woman who is I’m control of her sexuality.

    So I say go for it. It sounds hot!! ; )



  146.  #146Tereana on March 14, 2014 at 5:21 am

    Ugh – I hate typos. I was writing on my phone…



  147.  #147Femininewoman on March 14, 2014 at 6:33 am

    I equate β€œlooking like a ho” to embodying a woman with low confidence – yep!!!



  148.  #148Femininewoman on March 14, 2014 at 6:34 am

    blue rose check out the new article



  149.  #149Linda on March 14, 2014 at 6:40 am

    I have been flying solo for a few months now. I thought by now I would be ready to open up my online dating profile. I simply have not had any desire to. I peeked in on that world yesterday, I looked at the website that I was CDing from. I was surprised to see many of the same faces still out there and none that I felt remotely intersted in.

    My last relationship wore me out. It feels good to sleep alone in my bed with my dog and wake up rested. It feels good to not have my life overshadowed by the heaviness I felt. It feels so good to be free of the constant issues and just relax at home or go and do what I want to do for as long as I feel like doing it without hearing how inconsiderate it was. The biggest relief is that head and heart are not battling each other anymore.

    I got a call out of the blue from an old CD. He is the one that bought my BMW. He wants to see me. He keeps asking. I told him I was always open to friendships but not anything romantic. I know I could just CD him.. but I feel unmotivated and disinterested.



  150.  #150Emerson on March 14, 2014 at 7:45 am

    Hi sirens have a great Friday and I hope I have time to catch up on the blog a bit more this weekend!

    I intend to hve a great day and be a positive energy to all!



  151.  #151mary on March 14, 2014 at 8:17 am

    Hello! I just checked in and read the post. What a great study! I’m so glad to have these statistics. Thank you Rori!



  152.  #152Indigo on March 14, 2014 at 9:19 am

    Tereana 145 – Love it!!! πŸ™‚



  153.  #153Madi Brown on March 14, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    Hi all, I’m new to the website. Thanks for having me. Madi Brown thinks that this lengthy thread is speaking volumes in relation to the stats that Rori shared.

    Nothing but us women, trying to figure out what the heck men want us to be/do/say/look like.
    How great would it be to have an actual man weigh in?

    For Reals, and Love you the most,
    Madi brown



  154.  #154blue rose on March 14, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    #148: Femininewoman

    Thanks! just read it. that was awesome.



  155.  #155Indigo on March 15, 2014 at 5:53 am

    testing



  156.  #156Indigo on March 15, 2014 at 5:55 am

    I’m not able to post on the other thread, for some bizarre reason.

    On the newest thread: Syreena 42,

    I believe you are referring to someone else.

    I did not say this, nor would I ever.

    Please do not ever mistake me for someone who agrees with your view of people.



  157.  #157Femininewoman on March 15, 2014 at 6:26 am

    Indigo for some weird reason sometimes that happen to me too.

    I am gonna try to repost your comment on the new thread. I was wondering what happened to you as I have not seen anything from you yesterday.



  158.  #158Indigo on March 15, 2014 at 6:32 am

    Thanks Feminine Woman.

    I tried to post a few comments yesterday and today, and none of them went through at all.



  159.  #159Femininewoman on March 15, 2014 at 6:35 am

    You might wish to put something in moderation by changing your name, in order to get Rori’s attention.



  160.  #160Indigo123 on March 15, 2014 at 6:47 am

    Hi Rori,

    I usually post as Indigo on the blog, and recently my comments haven’t been going through on the newest thread.

    Could you check it out for me?

    Thank you



  161.  #161Rori Raye on March 15, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    Madi – Went to your site and LOVE your writing – ever thought of becoming a Rori Raye Relationship Coach? You’re clearly entrepreneurial – now all you need is some know how, a solid method, skills and technique for coaching, and someone to help you! Talk to Helena Hart and Leigha Baker…Love, Rori



  162.  #162Ali on March 16, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    I liked the article.. I believed and agreed with most of it. The parts that made feel uncomfortable were the very things I know I need to improve on. I can look back on my several years and see what was not working. It’s nice to be able to take the info.. evaluate the past and start fresh. I can giggle at the fact in my 20’s when I went out the club was I dressed like a ho? Probably.. lol. I was in my 20’s. I’m in my mid 30’s now and have seen my share of playboys and guys who I dated go on to marry the next girl they dated after me. All the info from Rori and this article feels enlightening..



  163.  #163Mikk on March 16, 2014 at 6:48 pm

    Men marry women who they are initially attracted to but then marry for character. This is such a true statement. As a man I concur. I’m curious, is it the same for women? I presume so yes?



  164.  #164T.Bradley on March 17, 2014 at 6:22 am

    Mikk-166,
    For some that might be true. I would have to be attracted to the person too, but love and the heart will do it for me.
    I have a question for you since your a guy. Do younger men usually run after their older ex for years? If your ex divorced you, would you still chase her? If your ex wasnt of age to have any more kids and you had none but wanted some would you wanna get back with her?



  165.  #165Jadi on March 26, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    How does one ask questions and get feedback?



  166.  #166Rori Raye on March 26, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    Jadi – Welcome, and just ask away and participate on the most recent post…Love, Rori