Steps To Sanity And Happiness From A Client – You Can Do This No Matter What’s Going On

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Here’s a letter from Susan, who’s in that age-old dilemma of what to do with a man who’s going downhill emotionally and physically – and won’t do anything about it!

We women are ALL so much smarter than men, so much more conscious, we can multi-task and solve problems with our boy energy in incredible ways – and it’s SO frustrating, exasperating, and sometimes soul-destroying to watch your man suffer (and bring his suffering into YOUR space and the relationship in general).

And yet – you have to do it the right way.  You can’t overfunction, or try to make it happen. It still has to be in Feeling Messages, and the firmness of what you “don’t want.”

Susan’s doing a great job with this – her letter is SO helpful:

“Rori –

I wrote you before. I have husband who is depressed, who seems to have some physical/vitamin deficiency thing going on (due to medications/giving blood) which is causing depression/tiredness. He drinks more than he should and it really seems to because of his depression. And he is a perfectionist.

Previously, I was using your tools and coming across as trying to change him and being very needy, but I stopped doing that. It was really tough for a while there, but I finally shifted. I was getting so fed up that I was ready to leave, and that really started me shifting. I started focusing on me and getting out of the house more and doing fun stuff. The neediness was making him nuts so I stopped needing him.

I have been practicing these steps very closely:

1. You must FILL your life with all the things that make YOU feel good, such as work you enjoy, activities which fulfill you.

2. Let that full-life feeling and real interest in yourself show on your OUTSIDE! Change hair style, etc.

3. As you go about your life being filled up, you must keep your heart open to him so he feels welcome to come to you. (It’s really important to remember – no matter how hard it is – that HE must come to YOU, not the other way around (and he will).

4. Remember this important key: A man is HAPPIEST when he’s actively making YOU happy.

But he doesn’t seem to have much confidence that he can do number 4.

I started going to a Chinese medicine body work healer, and that has really helped lift my depression, which has been tremendously helpful for me. I have really been focusing on making ME happy, not trying to “change or need” anything from him and have been spending a lot of time away from the house – almost every single night.

But I am home on the weekend nights. Getting out of the house and doing fun stuff has been great for me. I am finally feeling happy and not focusing on healing the marriage.

I was so fed up that I went out of town for a weekend (Last weekend) without him to see what it would be like to be away from him and it felt very freeing, but sad. That really shifted things a lot too. When I came back a little later than usual, he said the he wondered if I decided not to come back.

Perhaps because of this, he was very sweet to me this past week, and I was keeping my heart open the whole time, letting him take the lead, and very consciously being strong on the inside and soft on the outside. He said some very kind things to me. Really sweet actually. It was very hopeful for me.

He is quite the perfectionist (I am too actually). And though this week went really well, this past weekend, he was critical of me a few times. It made me said, because we were on such a roll of enjoying each other. I don’t want to be criticized anymore. One time it was friends on Friday night. Instead of saying anything, I just got quiet and looked away, instead of making a stink about it. Then he ask me about it after the friends left. And I said I wished that my feelings were more important that strangers.

He wanted to know how he could tell me that I was doing something wrong (not his exact words) and I said I don’t want to be scolded, I don’t want to know if I said something wrong, etc. Another time, I just avoided the topic and went back to what I was doing. Not sure how to handle this with him. I feel like I am at that stage where I should not be talking about the problems in the relationship.

So, should I just let the critical comments go for now, or do like the examples above?

Secondly, he seems so depressed.

Previously, he was just laying around the house and not doing much by watching tv, reading or listening to the radio. And cleaning.

This weekend it was nice out so he did some projects in the yard. Some heavy duty work, and it made him tired and he drank 4 beers both days, alone on the front porch while I was out having fun. He gets really depressed about all the projects that need to be done around the house.

Meanwhile, I am out having fun, and finally feeling happy and not focused on the marriage. But when I came home on Sunday, I just felt like I was hanging out with a dark cloud. I kinda wish I had stayed with my friends who were talking and laughing and having fun.

But I think me going out and having fun, and him staying home and working on heavy duty house projects is making him more depressed. I used feeling messages and told him how I felt happy all day, and all the fun I had with my friends.

He said he wished he could be out having fun and not working on the house. He thinks the solution is to sell the house and buy a townhouse. But that is a lot of work too, and selecting a new townhouse and moving would add a lot of stress on the marriage. And frankly if we sell the house, I would rather wait and see what happens with this marriage first. If it is not going to work out, I would rather sell the house split the equity and move on. Or if it works out, great, we move into a townhouse. But that is no magic cure. Any house needs projects done.

He seems so depressed. When he was lying in bed last night (he went to be early) I said to him “If you want to have fun with me sometime I would be very open to spending time with you having fun.” He said he would like to have fun, and that the house felt like a noose around his neck.

Was that leaning forward too much?

I feel like my situation is so complex. Am I doing the right things? Do you have any tips for me? Was saying that I would like to have fun with him too much leaning forward?

Or do I just keep doing what I am doing, keep having fun and enjoying my life, but spend a little more time at home, and spend a little more time working on projects around the house. That might make him feel like I am doing my share. But I have enjoyed having fun.

Do you have any suggestions for me? I feel like I have made huge progress in recent weeks, but am not sure how to proceed.

Last weekend seemed like a turning point for us. Not sure what this week will be like.

I feel like I need to wait a little while longer to do a speech. What do you think?

Thanks, Susan

From Me:

Susan – first – BRAVA to you!

I’d like to post this letter, which is brilliant, on my blog, and answer it there (It’ll take a couple of months for it to come out…and it’ll be anonymous…but your steps are SO powerful and helpful!)

My quick answer:

***Your next step is to insist that he see a doctor, just as you have, to help him physically and lift the depression.

Just tell him, when he brings up stuff that’s bothering him, that you really don’t want to discuss this until after he’s seen a holistic Dr. (Western medicine likely won’t do much of anything for him but prescribe anti-depressants – though MANY prescribe Omega 3’s and other herbs…).

The kind of Dr. who will help is one who SPECIALIZES in depression and men’s hormones.

Just stick to requiring that, along with doing everything else you’re doing.

Just say that you did this to help yourself, and that it would make you happy if HE did that, also.

***On a personal and experiential note: I have found, in my practice, and personally, cod liver oil and probiotics and Vit D and “adaptogens” and some kinds of whole food vitamins that stabilize blood sugar and hormones to be incredibly helpful to energy, overall well-being and mood.

Many psychologists and psychiatrists these days recommend large amounts of Omega 3’s in fish oil and cod liver oil to help with depression.


Just insist that he go to someone (some male acupuncturists have formulas that can help a man’s hormones and mood, too) and try some things and get results – and THEN you’ll talk with him about whatever’s bothering him.

Love, Rori



  1.  #1Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 7:03 am

    All good reminders for me now:

    1. You must FILL your life with all the things that make YOU feel good, such as work you enjoy, activities which fulfill you.

    2. Let that full-life feeling and real interest in yourself show on your OUTSIDE! Change hair style, etc.

    3. As you go about your life being filled up, you must keep your heart open to him so he feels welcome to come to you. (It’s really important to remember – no matter how hard it is – that HE must come to YOU, not the other way around (and he will).

    4. Remember this important key: A man is HAPPIEST when he’s actively making YOU happy.

  2.  #2Jan on May 7, 2012 at 7:06 am

    My favorite part of this article was the thoughts of other alternatives to anti-depresssants! (I know that wasn’t the main point of the whole article, but I thought it was good). I am still struggling with the leaning back. It is really challenging to go undo a lifetime of training to be a caretaker in our relationships, isn’t it?

  3.  #3Angela on May 7, 2012 at 7:08 am


  4.  #4Angela on May 7, 2012 at 7:09 am

    This article is so true!

  5.  #5Aurora Girl on May 7, 2012 at 7:10 am

    I agree he needs help. Depression is real.

    A good psychologist is also trained in diagnosing depression, can advocate and make referrals and provide research based and effective treatment as well….for him and for you (as his spouse in support)….


  6.  #6Nadia on May 7, 2012 at 7:15 am

    So, was it leaning forward too much for her to invite him to join for the fun she was having?

  7.  #7Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 7:17 am

    6 Nadia I was still wondering the same thing! 🙂

  8.  #8Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 7:20 am

    So insisting that he does something is not overfunctioning or suggesting? I am just wondering if it could be perceived as nagging or push his resistance button?

    I guess his actions will tell the story.

  9.  #9Aurora Girl on May 7, 2012 at 7:31 am

    “As you go about your life being filled up, you must keep your heart open to him so he feels welcome to come to you. (It’s really important to remember – no matter how hard it is – that HE must come to YOU, not the other way around (and he will)”

    so if you’re heart is open and you have planned something and you want to invite him with you….a simple “I’m going to do……and I’d love for you to join me if you like”……isn’t leaning forward in my mind…’s staying open……and using a FM and letting him know he’s welcome (without insisting or leading)

    men want to lead, plan, go forth, initiate….etc. but depression is nasty and includes thoughts of ineffectiveness, helplessness, “why bother”…..and really taxes their masculine side…..they need reminders that they are good men, comments that encourage them that they’ll get through it…..I don’t think those are about leaning forward…..I think it’s the feminine strengthening the masculine…..


  10.  #10Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 7:38 am

    I feel so stopped up. I feel a need to scream and run and ball hysterically.

    I feel like so many times when he has come to me, I have unintetionally closed my heart.

    Sometimes I have it open, but sometimes I still slip into old habits and close it.

    I feel so shaky and scared and stupid and angry.

    I don’t know how not to be honest with my so-called friend. I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut when something is burning in my heart.

    She lied to me. She was lying to herself.

    I screwed up. I leaned forward. He responded positively and then I froze, and she was there, adorable and open, just like I told her she needed to be. and he responded to her.

    and I shut down.

    and I felt invisible.
    and I felt angry.
    and I felt sad.
    and I felt so scared to show it all in front of the two of them.

    and I feel like an idiot.
    and I want to run away.
    and I’m shaking.

  11.  #11Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 7:42 am

    I feel so angry. At myself. At every good piece of advice I haven’t taken. At every bad piece of advice I have taken.

    I feel so angry at my mom.

    I feel so angry at every woman who wouldn’t love me for being everything I am, including myself.

    I feel so angry at him. For not being as conscious as me.

    I feel so angry at her. For being as conscious as me, and for lying to me, and for using it for her own selfish advantages.

  12.  #12Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 7:43 am

    I feel betrayed and shaky and I feel so alone. And I feel tight and teary and like screaming.

  13.  #13Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 7:43 am

    10 (((iamabutterfly)))

    9 Aurora girl, your comment made me think of something like “it would feel fun to have you there with me” to keep it as a FM..what do you think sirens?

    8 FW I was wondering the same thing….

    It’s hard to just stand back and let Paris burn to the ground…ToxicEx was that way…he was self destructive and I was always trying to steer him away from a drop off cliff…..EXHAUSTING and I RESENTED him for it….

    Life and relationships are hard

  14.  #14Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 7:45 am

    I feel like I can’t trust anyone. I feel like I can’t trust good advice because I don’t know how to use it.

    I feel like I can’t even trust myself, but I HAVE to trust myself, even if it goes against everything else and everyone else.

    This feels so scary.
    I feel rage.

  15.  #15Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 7:49 am

    my thoughts on this post: OF COURSE, she should insist that he get help. She wouldn’t be loving him if she didn’t!

    Would we think that someone loved us if we knew a way to help them and yet didn’t help them?

    I helped my friend because I loved her.

    and she doesn’t love me.
    she loves her sister enough, but she doesn’t love me enough.

    I feel angry that anyone would think that a woman shouldn’t insist on what was best for him.

    I feel so angry and teary.

  16.  #16Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 7:50 am

    @13 Emerson – thanks for the hug, Emerson. At the moment, a virtual hug means so much. Maybe too much…

  17.  #17Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Rori thank you for giving us so many great articles to learn from and discuss.

    I have changed SO much since reading Rori. I do want to get one of the programs, but I keep feeling indecisive about which to start with.

    Which one should I get??? I struggle most with shutting down my feelings when I am face to face with a man and just acting like I’m “fine” when I feel really disconnected or sad or anxious…I noticed this big time with RecycledCD the other day. I walked away feeling inauthentic because I did not express myself….the words don’t come to me easily to express myself….I need LOTS of scripts…

  18.  #18Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 7:56 am

    @17 Emerson – Love Scripts sounds like it’s for you. (((Emerson)))

  19.  #19Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Emerson I believe you have to start somewhere and waiting to know the perfect program might be just sabotaging yourself. From what I understand all the programs have some FM scripts. If cost is your main issue I would check out Heart Connection Toolkit then Modern Siren. Commitment Blueprint seems to be the most popular though.

  20.  #20Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 8:02 am

    I am sorry you are feeling sad and mad….I do find it helpful to express my feelings here on the blog and allow myself to cry and then often I can move past the bad moments…..

    Sirens I’ve been thinking about an ex from a long time ago that was very devoted to me but was very possessive and toxic in that way (not ToxicEx but the one before him)….I almost married him and at times I’ve questioned myself why I left him and maybe it was a mistake. I didn’t really feel romantic love feelings for him and that is why I left, pluls the possessive thing didn’t help to create a safe environment for me to develop more chemistry….I felt “meh” and kinda lukewarm toward him physically.

    Despite all that…he had a lot of influence in my life events and we were together for a few years…I admired his career and his practical approach to finances and other elements of life and knowledge…he was smart….

    Well I keep revisiting this ghost from my past and questioning if I should have married him because I would be financially more stable, etc….but I’d really like to let him go once and for all and move on. I do know I did the right thing so why do I keep thinking about it? He really was one of those guys who didn’t want me around other people too much and liked to have me all to himself….I knwo that is not normal and I am soo not that girl!!
    So I’d really like to lay this ghost to rest and set him free….

  21.  #21Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 8:05 am

    thanks FW and butterfly

  22.  #22siren song on May 7, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Every man i’ve ever been serious with has been depressed. They pull away and shut down. Hmmm. Why am i attracted to depressed people? Do i need to love my own sadness? Doesn’t rori say something about this toxic men?

  23.  #23siren song on May 7, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Also, both my parents are depressive. Hmm.

  24.  #24Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 8:20 am

    ((((((((((Lillybelle’s mom))))))))))))))))
    ((((((((((VW’s mom ))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Sending positive and healing energy

  25.  #25Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Rori do you really believe that “We women are ALL so much smarter than men”?

    If so how do you help a woman who constantly refers to a man as having “genius” level intelligence?

  26.  #26Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Another reason I feel so low in my self esteem is this very issue of longing for and loving R, and yet to all the world around me, as all you can attest to, he appears uninterested in me.

    There has been the same effect among my church friends. We go to the same church, and they have seen me WITH him maybe ONCE in 1.5 years, when I started going there. So it is a slam to my self esteem feeling like everyone is thinking, “Poor B, she just has this illusion and she is longing for this man who has no interest in her.”

    It hurts! He has seen to it that most of our interaction is separate from the people I know. He always held me at arm’s length, keeping me in evaluation mode, like a horse on an auction block having him look under my tail before he commits to taking me home.

    I understand that my overfunctioning has gotten me in my own way. But if I had been treated like a normal date, which I WAS, I wouldn’t have been overfunctioning in the first place!

  27.  #27Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 8:41 am

    FW re 25
    Hmm yes those are interesting words…I don’t think women are so much smarter than men. We are different yes, but not smarter necessarily.

  28.  #28Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 8:42 am

    26 Radlove
    I’ve had to learn to not care so much about what people think.
    I am still in a process of that and yes it does hurt.
    But what matters is what you think not what others think!

  29.  #29Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 8:44 am

    What I offer you is the detail of a moment-by-moment experience of emotions and insights and images – so that if you’re anything like me, you’ll be able to basically reproduce my experience:

    My turnaround from a frightened, lonely woman who could not function both on an emotional level and a practical level in a relationship and so sacrificed my true self to what I thought would get me what I wanted in life but never did, to a confident, happy, intimately married woman who can both feel and think and Do and Be.

    A woman like you.

    All of the exercises and visualizations and meditations you’ll find in this blog and in my core concept called “Strong Surrender” are about romance.

    Either the man you have in your life right now or the man you want in your life right now will participate with you through your imagination. Using these Tools that worked for me and continue to work for me will get you as close as possible to experiencing an actual breakthrough into love.

    Love, Rori

  30.  #30Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 8:52 am

    pressure on people in important situations and choices in life causes more harm than good- you won’t get a positive response.

    This is what I mean when I say that there are certain questions that MAKE a man withdraw. The questions of “where’s this going?” and “what do you feel about me?” put pressure on a man or else try to convince him that things should be a CERTAIN WAY.

    If you let a man know what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship early on, then he won’t feel cornered or “hassled.”

    Here’s exactly how to do this…

    Say, “I will only keep seeing you right now if this is going somewhere and you aren’t seeing anyone else, because I’m not and I don’t want to waste my time.”

    When you say this to a guy, there’s an unconscious button that’s pushed in his mind that basically tells him and instills the belief that “this is a respectable and desirable woman who has the ability and the strength to pick and choose what happens in her life and with men, so I better make good of the situation.”

    If all this goes well and you start becoming closer and closer to a man after weeks or a couple of months, then it’s time to say in a calm and casual voice-

    “I’m happy with you and I want to keep dating… but the future’s important to me too.

    So let’s see how we feel about things over the next few weeks or months (set a time here you feel comfortable with), and we’ll decide where this is going and to continue if there’s something more serious that we’re both interested in and want.”

    And “Kaboom.” This is like the ultimate ground- shaker for a man.

    Careful when you do this, though. For some women this might be risky and sound a bit harsh, but the thing is, if a man is at all interested or serious about you, then watch out after this conversation…

    He’s going to suddenly be wildly open, affectionate and want more with you. Don’t let it scare you when you see such a big sudden shift.

    It’s normal for a man to act this way after a woman says this to him.


  31.  #31Calypso on May 7, 2012 at 8:55 am

    I wish I had known these things early in my mariage. My ex husband was depressed our entire 23 years together and I stuck it out with him as long as I could – he tried every Rx known to man, but nothing helped. he stopped trying and eventually so did I.

  32.  #32Starbright on May 7, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Whatever the real feelings are that r has really don’t matter if he chooses to say no.

    This pining and trying to convince him and others can last the rest of your life or until one of you decides to quit and really move on. It seems so very painful.

    Again if someone doesn’t want to completely choose us there is nothing we can do. Time and energy will be completely wasted.

    Is it intimacy that is wanted or only r?

    It is painful to read although I know I can skip over your posts…I cannot convince you that you continue to fight a losing battle…I do feel for you though. The girl who wanted to be loved and keeps choosing men who cannot love her properly not because she is unlovable but because ultimately he cannot or does not want to. It requires one to choose someone emotionally and physically available. Or choose to pine.

    I have done this before. I choose not to pine for a man. I want a man who chooses me unquestionably. Otherwise I don ‘t care how wonderful he seems he is not for me!!! I am worth much more!

    Thank you for sharing your experiences. (((Radlove)))

  33.  #33Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 9:08 am


    28 – I do my best to not worry about what people think. It’s just that him not hanging out with me when we were in our friendship was painful. It cut thru so much of the substance of life. It meant even tho I was dating, as in almost daily contact on a deep level, I was still alone everywhere I went.

    I feel happy for couples who walk arm in arm and hand in hand and sit with an arm around each other. But after 3 years of being in this relationship or whatever you want to call it and not getting hardly any of that treatment, I have felt so neglected and alone.

    It is so much more than what people think. but it just adds to the overall stigma. I have been a mess emotionally for 3 years over R. That relationship is what brought me to Rori, so for that I am thankful.

    Just going to keep babystepping my way to wholeness.

  34.  #34Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Jack CD doesn’t know how I feel about him. I’ve never technically said anything like “I feel so good with you.”

    I feel so angry at myself.

    For helping her.
    For losing him.
    For him, not caring enough about me to not flirt with her in front of me.

    Because I shut down.
    So, somehow I deserve this treatment.
    I don’t deserve this!

    I deserve so much more than this!
    I treat guys like dirt!
    I treat myself like dirt!

    I don’t know how to stop this!

    I feel so angry!

  35.  #35Starla on May 7, 2012 at 9:10 am

    I have a vacation day today from work:)
    I am going to spend it with my best friend, dining and shopping – our favorite things 😀
    (((((((my life)))))))))))))

    I am feeling all wrapped up in thoughts about CF today, but I intend to talk about other things with my friend today and see how that feels.

  36.  #36Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Yayy Starla

  37.  #37Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 9:11 am


    32 – thank you. Trying to move on here. And I appreciate your wise, caring words. That goes for all of you.

    I’m going to visit my Mom today. I am too distraught to think clearly to get stuff done anyway. So I’ll just let my mind coast and try to shift gears today.

  38.  #38Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:14 am

    @26 Radlove:

    “It hurts! He has seen to it that most of our interaction is separate from the people I know. He always held me at arm’s length, keeping me in evaluation mode, like a horse on an auction block having him look under my tail before he commits to taking me home. ”

    Why do you want this????!!!!!!!? Why are you longing for this pain? Why are you letting him treat you like this?

    Is it just because it’s better than feeling nothing?

  39.  #39Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:18 am

    I didn’t realize that he didn’t know how I felt until he asked me if he remebered that night we went out together and practically sat in each other’s laps.

    and it was after I “leaned forward” by doing a small favor for him. if I had “leaned back” and not done the small favor, I never would have known how clueless he was…

    I feel so angry…

  40.  #40Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:18 am

    *the night wasn’t after I leaned forward. the discussion about that night was after I leaned forward.

    I can’t stand this…

  41.  #41Starla on May 7, 2012 at 9:19 am


  42.  #42Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:22 am

    *I’m not actually going to say this*

    I appreciated you staying away from her when you saw how jealous it made me feel.
    but you couldn’t stay away.
    and if she’s that much of a temptation for you, then I don’t know what you’re doing with me in the first place.

    What was he doing with me in the first place?
    Why did he try so hard to get my attention?
    Why did he USE HER to get my attention?
    Why is she his backup girl for when I’m not opening my heart?
    Is it because we look alike?
    Is it because she is less intimidating?

  43.  #43Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:23 am

    I’m going to shut up now.
    I feel naked and like I’m annoying everybody.
    I’m annoying myself…

  44.  #44Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:28 am

    “And “Kaboom.” This is like the ultimate ground- shaker for a man.

    Careful when you do this, though. For some women this might be risky and sound a bit harsh, but the thing is, if a man is at all interested or serious about you, then watch out after this conversation…

    He’s going to suddenly be wildly open, affectionate and want more with you. Don’t let it scare you when you see such a big sudden shift.

    It’s normal for a man to act this way after a woman says this to him.”

    I am crying reading this. I DID get scared. and it ruined everything…

  45.  #45Starbright on May 7, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Share as you want or need to. You aren’t annoying! I feel a little lost as to exactly where things are with your friend and with Jack. Are they actually dating now? Or, just watching them flirt? Is it nasty voices saying things in your head?

    Seems like you may be angry at all three of you – Jack, your friend and yourself. Don’t forget to also be gentle with you – seems like there is lots to learn here that can propel you forward!

  46.  #46Starla on May 7, 2012 at 9:32 am

    i feel like i’ve lost my magic female powers because CF hasn’t come back.

    I feel all dumpy and ugly.

  47.  #47Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 9:36 am


    I am in love with him, that’s why. And I feel clueless in relationships even after 3 years of studying Rori’s stuff.

  48.  #48Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 9:37 am


    Love Note of the Week:

    Your Love Life is like a garden, you either have weeds, or you’re taking the time, energy and effort to grow exactly what you want.

    “Some people think that we’re ‘Lucky to have found each other’ and the funny thing is that luck had nothing to do with it. Both of us were committed to having a loving relationship and we took the action steps necessary to pull the weeds of the past, plant what we wanted, and nurture those seeds to grow into the beautiful fulfilling relationship we have today. We didn’t do it overnight, it took dedication and a plan. You too can create a True Soul Partnership – the first step is to decide that you want one and then take an action to create it.”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

  49.  #49CurvySiren10 on May 7, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Starla, those are the NVs telling you stories. CF hasn’t come back (so far) but that says nothing of your magic female powers or your beauty (inside & out)…it just says he isn’t capable of dealing with who, and what, you are. I feel very sure you know this but god knows NVs can yell at us really loudly sometimes…

  50.  #50Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:42 am

    @45 Starbright – Thank you so much. They aren’t dating. These are just my feelings from watching them hard-core flirt (somthing I clearly don’t know how to do) right in front of my face.

    I’m pretty much done with her. She lied to me. She lied to herself, and to me, and she feels guilty, but she doesn’t care enough about me to admit it.

    as far as him?

    The jury is still out. I just don’t want him feeling guilty for flirting with her on my account. I don’t want him to choose me, and then resent me because he’s always wondering about her.

    I don’t want them to date, because I know she won’t reveal her true self.

    and I feel afraid that he fall in love and marry the person she presents to the world, rather than the person she truly is.

    and I’ll be left alone yet again.

    These are my fears…

  51.  #51CurvySiren10 on May 7, 2012 at 9:42 am

    lillybelly, sending hugs and lots of positive thoughts for you and your mom….

  52.  #52Starla on May 7, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Thank you, CurvySiren, I am going to get up and put some makeup on and get ready for a fun day with my friend:)

  53.  #53Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 9:43 am

    FW from #30 CCarters quote:
    Say, “I will only keep seeing you right now if this is going somewhere and you aren’t seeing anyone else, because I’m not and I don’t want to waste my time.”

    I feel confused by this because I thought we were are not supposed to offer up our exclusivity and by saying “…you aren’t seeing anyone else, because I’m not….” aren’t we telling him we aren’t seeing anyone else when in reality we should not be offering this info and we should actually leave ourselves free to CD????

  54.  #54Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 9:43 am


  55.  #55Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:44 am

    @46 Starla – You haven’t lost your magic feminine powers. You’ve managed to win me over! I feel guilty for saying this, but I found you a little annoying when I first starting “reading” you. But through reading you, I’ve kind of fallen in love with you, and think you’re amazing. I hope you don’t feel offended!

  56.  #56Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 9:46 am

    also FW from further down in #30
    CCarter’s version of the no girlfriend speech seems to be leading in the masculine role a little bit…at least to me….I like Rori’s no girlfriend speech better I think because it really emphasizes the feminine.

    I do like the point that he makes that men feel good about hearing a woman express that she cares about herself and her own future….

    FW you are so good at finding these things can you find some stuff about Rori’s no GF speech???

  57.  #57Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Starla I encourage you to go all out today and make yourself really beatiful…do up your hair and makeup…wear a super cute outfit and practice your tools while out with your friend. I have a feeling you will have a very good day today!!!!!

  58.  #58Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:47 am

    @47 Radlove – What does “in love with him” feel like? Because I get the feeling from you that it feels awful. Love isn’t supposed to feel awful. It’s supposed to feel amazing. Or so I’ve heard…

  59.  #59Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Emerson Rori talks being sexually exclusive with one while dating others. Also this is CCarter’s suggestion that in my mind I can tailor in a way that represents me.

  60.  #60Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Emerson, you are making me feel so good with all your positive energy towards everyone! (((((Emerson)))))

  61.  #61Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 9:57 am

    59 FW
    Yes I do recall that…I need help with this whole situation though… should we be offering it up first?

    I thought the guy was supposed to ask us for it?

    That brings up the question of when to say this and how to say it…I feel confused now.

    So when the guy starts asking or wanting sex then we say oh i’m not seeing anyone else and I hope you are not either? That seems weird. Of course he’s going to say no I’m not so he can get laid.

  62.  #62Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 9:58 am

    aww thanks butterfly!!

  63.  #63Starbright on May 7, 2012 at 10:01 am

    50: Iamabutterfly

    Aw, just be you with your magnetic self feeling good. No worries about them. Open and loving. Maybe if you are able – sending them good thoughts without shutting down. It’s simple and yet not necessarily easy!

    Do you look at Abraham Hicks at all on youtube? Shift your vibe. Be your passionate self and be magnetic. Like a cool breeze on a warm day with a smile. Easy breezy and either Jack or other men and women in the group won’t be able to leave you alone! 🙂

  64.  #64Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 10:01 am

    906: Rori Raye says:
    lovescript – if the place you want to put all your energy and love is into making someone else’s life a living hell – you will never be happy…and I’m guessing you know that and so you’re asking what to do with all those feelings. This is what my programs are all about – honoring, loving and working with your emotions so you can be happy. Perhaps start with the ebook, and then Heart Connection Toolkit. Just listen to it (especially disc 2) over and over and over and over until it retrains your thinking about what love is and what you can have…

    If he left you for another girl – he CANNOT be the right man for you. That means there’s many right men for you out there, and your job is to transform yourself into the happiest, most self-loving woman you can so your Mr. Right can FIND you and SEE you! Love, Rori

    Love, Rori

    I love this advice

  65.  #65Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 10:05 am

    @64 FW – Thank you so much for posting that! I needed to read it soooooo bad. ((((((Feminine Woman)))))

  66.  #66Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 10:08 am

    @63 Thanks, Starbright – It just feels a little difficult to do right now. I still feel tense. actually, I feel better after emotionally puking all over the blog, reading feedback, going for a walk on my lunch break, slamming my fist into a few things, praying my heart out, making a phone call to a trusted older and wiser married friend, texting my best friend who would never do this to me in a million years, and other things.

  67.  #67Starla on May 7, 2012 at 10:10 am

    iamabutterfly, that is really sweet, thank you for the very nice compliment:D

  68.  #68CurvySiren10 on May 7, 2012 at 10:10 am

    58 Iamabutterfly…

    I’m not Radlove, but to answer your question- only unrequited love feels “awful”. Real and mutual love is extremely pleasurable and easy. Not saying there won’t be conflict because there always is. But when both parties are committed to the relationship, it is something we can resolve with the proper tools and understanding.

  69.  #69CurvySiren10 on May 7, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Iamabutterfly…you are not annoying at all. I think you’re doing a great job processing here.

  70.  #70Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 10:17 am

    “Maybe if you are able – sending them good thoughts without shutting down. It’s simple and yet not necessarily easy!”

    I can send him good thoughts by not blaming him for flirting with her because he’s insecure and isn’t sure about how i feel about him.

    But how can I send good thoughts to her?
    Because she was lying to herself when she was lying to me?
    Because she, unlike him, knows how much I like him?
    Knows everything?
    Opened her heart because I encourage her and told her everything she had to offer?

    How can I send good thoughts to her?
    I feel so betrayed…

  71.  #71Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Thanks, CurveySiren10!!!!! I feel hopeful reading that…:)

  72.  #72Starbright on May 7, 2012 at 10:29 am


    I see…too soon for that!

    How often are you all together in your group?

    Does Jack contact you in between? Just wondering when you have a chance to be open with him…?

  73.  #73Starbright on May 7, 2012 at 10:33 am


    Disregard that thought about sending her good thoughts if that feels bad!

    One step at a time in sharing the incredible siren that you are!

  74.  #74siren song on May 7, 2012 at 11:09 am

    oh my lord, i saw guy who loves me today and i felt kind of bored.

    felt no temptation to talk to him.

    YES!!!!! oh my gosh i feel released. i feel so happy to be back on my own side.

  75.  #75Daria on May 7, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Lama – all this drama is from fixating on one Wrong guy – and making excuses for him – while he’s not stepping up.

    All you gotta do is turn your attention 180 from this man . Avoid events where he’s at, and Circular Date other men you’re not interested in for coffee.

  76.  #76Calypso on May 7, 2012 at 11:29 am

    I tried to post over the weekend, but my home computer is possessed . . . I don’t think I posted any of this, but if I did, forgive me:

    It has now been a week since I got back from my trip to the beach with no word from GM. I am leaned all the way back!!!

    Meanwhile, On my very last day of being an active member of, I was contacted by a guy who has captured my attention in a big way! I mentioned him on Friday – he is JP. JP has gone out of his way to call and text and email me since the minute he found me on match and he is a sweetie! He is very funny and romantic and handsome in his pics . . .

    The catch is, he is away on a job right now (10 hours south of here) and won’t be back to town – (He lives 1.5 hours from me normally) until the end of July! At first we said it would be nice to just get to know each other slowly over the phone, but now he wants me to come see him. He has offered to pay for my flight, put me in a hotel and wine and dine me for a long weekend if I will agree to come.

    My oldest son (21 years old) has insisted that he be allowed to talk to JP on the phone before I agree to go see him – he thinks JP is going to murder me and feed me to the Alligators in the Louisiana swamp – yikes! Is that ok to ask for JP to talk to my son??? We are now friends on FB and connected on Linkedin, so I can see evidence that he is a real person – that he is who he says he is.

    JP has only been married once – for 17 years and his ex-wife has remarried (They have been divorced for 4 years) and JP is friends with her new husband – they go fishing together and he has a good relationship with his 3 kids, which I can tell from FB chatter . . . It feels ok to me . . . my friends are going to KILL me – JP won’t have to do it . . . LOL.


  77.  #77Dominique on May 7, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Starla – Just because most men come back doesn’t mean every man comes back, and this is NOT a reflection on you.


  78.  #78Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 11:53 am

    @75 Daria – Thanks, sweet girl. I think you’re right. I just needed to get it out of me. I’m thankful for him, because through that relationship I was able to heal so much. But I will not tolerate being treated this way.

  79.  #79Siren Angel on May 7, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Listening to Reconnect after a few months, I hear and understand so many things I missed several months ago listening to it again and again in the car. It’s nice to come back to a program after a little while and see how much you have grown and how much more you can get by relistening to it after a while. Needing this after all the emotions last week and talks of moving in together… I feel sooooooo grateful RORI RAYE! Thank you.

  80.  #80Brandylion on May 7, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Daria, #1030 in the last thread:

    Girl, you are such an inspiration to me! You have hit the nail on the head for me in this post–-I feel afraid that Mr. Not Good Enough will win, but he can’t possibly win because he’s Mr. Not Good Enough! And I can’t control who wins! I have to trust Mr. Good Enough to show up, and that he will win just because he’s Mr. Good Enough. Yes! And if he doesn’t show up right away, I am enough for me for now!

    I should add that I have responded kindly to every man who has contacted me and have turned no one away for further contact via email. I did tell one man who lives 3 hours away that I don’t want to date long-distance, and he fizzled after a short email exchange. The only one who hasn’t fizzled responded well to, “I feel bored by long email exchanges” and we have talked once and texted a few times.

  81.  #81Daria on May 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Brandylion – hehe thanks! im feeling excited to be practicing with u 🙂

  82.  #82Daria on May 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Lama – hes not treating you any kind of way: You guys are all friends, and you and him are not dating. This is imaginary… and painful…

    get out there and meet new men and coffee date i say!

  83.  #83Daria on May 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    FeminineWoman – reagarding sexual exclusivity … i think Rori recommends this so the woman can feel comfortable… its more of a requirement like

    i dont want to be sleeping with someone who is not sexually exclusive, what do you think?

  84.  #84Daria on May 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    i dont want to be sleeping with someone who is not sexually exclusive to me… what do you think?

    Personally im skipping talking about this until I really feel it

  85.  #85Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Calypso it sounds exciting but I don’t believe I would make the trip yet. It will, in my opinion, make it so much more difficult to establish boundaries. He might already be in imaginary relationship mode. I understand your son wanting to talk to him.

  86.  #86Daria on May 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    :: Have a NICE day! ::

    Most of us have been thoroughly trained to be “nice.”
    The 2-part Rule of Nice goes like this…

    Part 1: Only say and do things that please others.

    Part 2: If you feel like saying or doing something
    that might possibly displease someone, see Part 1.

    So, to obey the Rule of Nice at all times, you have to
    get pretty good at *not* being authentic. But being
    inauthentic is not very nice, so the only way to win
    this game is not to play it!

    Children are naturally authentic, which means they
    often aren’t “nice.” You’re supposed to pressure them
    to obey the Rule of Nice, but wouldn’t it be nicer to
    let them inspire *you* to be more authentic?

  87.  #87Daria on May 7, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    im feeling mad and sad

    and now its melting!

  88.  #88Daria on May 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    now im feeling excited!

  89.  #89Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Thanks for having the balls to tell me the truth, Daria. The truth hurts. But I’d rather have it than some %^&* up lie.

  90.  #90lk on May 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Feeling Adjectives
    B. Jesse Clarke

    1. aggreived
    2. afraid
    3. agitated
    4. agreeable
    5. amazed
    6. amused
    7. angry
    8. annoyed
    9. anxious
    10. apathetic
    11. apprehensive
    12. arrogant
    13. ashamed
    14. astonished
    15. awful
    16. bad
    17. bereaved
    18. bewildered
    19. bored
    20. brave
    21. brave
    22. calm
    23. careful
    24. certain
    25. charged
    26. charming
    27. cheerful
    28. cheery
    29. clumsy
    30. combative
    31. comfortable
    32. condemned
    33. confused
    34. content
    35. cooperative
    36. courageous
    37. crazy
    38. creepy
    39. cruel
    40. dangerous
    41. defeated
    42. defiant
    43. delightful
    44. depressed
    45. determined
    46. disappointed
    47. disgusted
    48. disinterested
    49. disturbed
    50. dizzy
    51. dull
    52. eager
    53. elated
    54. embarrassed
    55. enchanting
    56. encouraging
    57. energetic
    58. enthusiastic
    59. envious
    60. evil
    61. excited
    62. exuberant
    63. fair
    64. faithful
    65. fantastic
    66. fearful
    67. fierce
    68. fine
    69. flipped-out
    70. foolish
    71. fortunate
    72. frantic
    73. friendly
    74. frightened
    75. frustrated
    76. funny
    77. generous
    78. gentle
    79. glad
    80. gleeful
    81. glorious
    82. good
    83. grieving
    84. grumpy
    85. happy
    86. healthy
    87. helpful
    88. helpless
    89. hesitant
    90. hilarious
    91. hungry
    92. hurt
    93. ill
    94. indignant
    95. inspired
    96. interested
    97. itchy
    98. jealous
    99. jittery
    100. jolly
    101. joyful
    102. joyous
    103. jubilant
    104. kind
    105. lazy
    106. lively
    107. lovely
    108. loving
    109. loving
    110. lucky
    111. mad
    112. melancholy
    113. motivated
    114. mysterious
    115. nasty
    116. naughty
    117. nervous
    118. nice
    119. nutty
    120. obedient
    121. obnoxious
    122. obstinate
    123. outrageous
    124. panicky
    125. perfect
    126. petulant
    127. pleasant
    128. pleased
    129. prepared
    130. proud
    131. quiet
    132. ready
    133. relieved
    134. reluctant
    135. repulsive
    136. restless
    137. sad
    138. scared
    139. scary
    140. selfish
    141. shocked
    142. silly
    143. sleepy
    144. smiling
    145. soothing
    146. sore
    147. sorry
    148. splendid
    149. stunned
    150. successful
    151. surprised
    152. tense
    153. terrible
    154. testy
    155. thankful
    156. thoughtful
    157. thoughtless
    158. tired
    159. troubled
    160. unhappy
    161. uninspired
    162. upset
    163. upset
    164. uptight
    165. victorious
    166. vigilant
    167. vivacious
    168. weary
    169. wicked
    170. willing
    171. wishful
    172. witty
    173. wonderful
    174. worried
    175. zany
    176. zealous

  91.  #91Iamabutterfly on May 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    I feel guilty for even wanting a relationship. Like it’s something designed for every one else but me.

  92.  #92Daria on May 7, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    ((((lamabutterfly)))) I appreciate your response too I feel honored.

    to me these situations show up for me to heal and propell me INTO being involved in relationships that feel much more powerful and me-focused 🙂

    due to the healing I’m doing and my new habits of turning away from what doesn’t feel good

  93.  #93Daria on May 7, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    i feel so shaky and sad just writing that!

  94.  #94Daria on May 7, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    omg im feelin so excited im getting so good at manifesting what i want froma leaned back state like without controllign the outcome but gettig the outcome haha!

    im telling all the men writing me “oh im feeling so distracted … i feel a strong desire to smoke some yummy stuff 🙂 ”

    and they’re like

    oh i have some

    and then some couldnt come and im like oh ok 🙂

    and then one wanted to come instantly!

    omgosh this is sooo easy!

    i used to feel a ll anxious and uptight!!!! when i didnt have this and ‘trying to make plans’


    now i got one cool sounding guy coming and im just feeling amazing!

  95.  #95April Rose on May 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Where do guys come to when they come to you?
    Do they visit you at your parents’ house?

  96.  #96Turquoise on May 7, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Hi sirens,
    I had a tummy ache so decided to take care of me and come home early.

    This article triggers me for some reason. I found myself feeling angry at the wife for using the word fun so often. Life isnt always about having fun, and leaving all the projects to the depressed husband? Selfish. My idea of a marriage is a partnership, being a team. I felt more sad for him than I did for her.

  97.  #97R.N.AmazingMe on May 7, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Wow….I get sucked into this blog, I love hearing all the different views. I always reflect the experiences torwards my own and it helps. I just been in my own head lately, I am proud to say I am not sad, depressed, and emotionally unavailable as I once was. I have been woking on so much stuff within myself since I came here to Siren Island I am definately not the same person for the better! I am and have been in the last few months happy on my own. Talk about detoxing off of drugs, wow, it was hard to get rid of needing that other person. I am at peace by myself and am taking a whole new approach to men in geneal. All my relationships really. So I would like to share where I am today. Well first of all I no longer need a man to be happy, I mean it this time;) second: I am very in tune to my feelings and how others affect me and have learned to try and incorporate feeling messages into all of my communication with others. Third: I am not perfect and will not pretend to be. I will not tolerate bad behavior, I am better than that and deserve to receive what I give to others. I will not let someone pick apart my flaws and mishaps, afterall who should be allowed to do so. We are our own worst critic, and sometimes enemy. Life is a process and as long as I strive for my best that is all i ask of my children. I believe I got a new job and it pays soo well. It is one of the reasons I chose a R.N. as my career besides I love it. I got a new truck and can only move forward with my awesome life and the great opportunities I have been able to have and more to come. If I find a man in the process great but i shall not worry.

  98.  #98Calypso on May 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    JP to me last night: “Whatcha doin Luv?”

    Me: “Building a bonfire – want to come light it for me? Lol”

    JP: “Leave the fire and come see me”

    Me: “I’m sort of a pyro . . . ”

    JP: “I have a scented candle . . . ”

    Lol – I know it’s crazy, but there is no doubt in my mind that I will get on a plane and fly to meet JP in a couple of weeks. Everything in me is telling me to go. I can’t resist . . . I don’t want to resist. I have been telling the Universe that I am open and ready for my perfect lover – I feel like I conjured PJ up . . . I am going for it!

  99.  #99siren song on May 7, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    i feel amazing.

    i don’t know if it’s the hypnotherapy or the coffee i just drank or what but i feel so good.

    i haven’t felt like this in months and months

  100.  #100Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 3:00 pm


    58 – The good times are really, really good, and the bad times are really, really bad. When it is harmonious, it feels wonderful.

  101.  #101Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    As usual, nothing is consistent with R. My theory is that he “ends” our friendship in order to drive me to a place of pain, where all my true inner feelings come out. Then he reunites. I’m with my Mom, so I don’t have time to type out all our texts since I posted earlier.

    But his last text to me was this:

    “You’ll have to call me later then to explain.”

    Do these sound like the words of a man who definitely wants to end it?

  102.  #102Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm


    97 – Thanks for sharing! That sounds fun and flirty!

  103.  #103Francesca on May 7, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Yay, siren song!

    I feel pretty good too, a bit tired from my workday but overall, I feel good and happy!

    And the sun is still shining!

  104.  #104Francesca on May 7, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    How many times will you keep explaining yourself, Radlove?

  105.  #105Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Ok, R just called me, asking if I want to discuss a misunderstanding that came up. What should i do?

    He has ended the friendship. This is par for the course, that he opens it back up. I don’t want to stay in a confusing cycle, and yet if he is opening it back up, I don’t want to slam the door in his face.

    This is above my head and I don’t know how to handle it.

    Daria, Daria, Daria!

  106.  #106Luzydel on May 7, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    I need to date me! my energy levels are so low, I need to recharge my batteries… I don’t want to be negative, I just feel frustrated with the type of men I have been attracting, it this a message from destiny trying to test me to see if I am ready for the real deal?

    I have done so much work, not being clingy to bad relationships, knowing when to let go when it is not going anywhere, I am not even feeling drama inside of me. I feel the frustration and then let go!

    Closed POF for a bit, met five different men, but ugh! I guess I still have expectations…maybe it isn’t so bad to have them, because it keeps me focus on the type of man I want for me. This has been a few rocky days, all over the place, I am being tested. I have to be ready for a good an or for not being with anyone in particular, that means I have to be happy with myself, so whenever that happens, I know I will be happy no matter what.

  107.  #107light heart on May 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Hi (((((((Brenda)))))))),
    I would let the phone ring off the hook and not answer it. I would only agree to see him if he leaves a message that says he would like to make an appointment to come to your home to see you to make amends.
    If he does this and comes over he would have to demonstrate his sincerity and show you that he gets it, by getting down on his knees and beg for your forgiveness. If not, I would tell him that I want him to leave and to get out of your life. It may be due to his sickness, but this man has no conscience. That is unfortunate and it is very frustrating for you. You continue to use him to beat yourself up. It’s so very sad. It’s not going to get better. It’s only going to get worse, sucking your energy dry, unless you stand up for yourself.

    light heart

  108.  #108Francesca on May 7, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    I agree with light heart.

  109.  #109Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Light Heart

    106 – Thank you, I will consider it. Of course what you suggest is appreciated, and of course it is totally alien to my usual M.O. So i would be miles out of my comfort zone to actually implement that.

    I feel confused also because it was originally my own leaning forward, neediness, and insecurity that led up to him ending it. So is it him who needs to apologize?

    It’s complex – It’s ALWAYS complex. He was justified in being annoyed. The way it started was after a week of very nice texting, nightly, hours at a time, I asked him if I could see him one day while I was in town (I live an hour away). He said he had plans.

    I felt shamed, yet two days later, I leaned forward again, texting, “I feel like I’m being punished.”

    After that, everything fell apart, and that was 6 days ago. He said it was my same old bullshit, and he was sick of it. And he was right, because I was coming out of a needy place.

    So does that information change your suggestion any? I am honestly confused here. I honestly don’t want him out of my life. But nor do i want to be in a toxic relationship. But i really do think this time was my fault.

  110.  #110Sun Goddess on May 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    I haven’t cried in a while until tonight. My children are missing LP and his children…and I’m, well, not missing LP. I am feeling terrible inside because of the way I allowed LP to treat me for the past 2.5 years. I feel as if I could be sick because deep down I still care for him and I hate that my children are missing them so much. I want so bad to call him and say something about the way he treats me. I want him to come get all his crap and take the dog and just go.

  111.  #111light heart on May 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    You are probably not going to like this, but I’m not saying this to tell you what you want to hear.
    You feel like you are being punished because you are punishing yourself, by degrading yourself more and more to this man. All the rest is excuses. You will keep getting needier and needier and continue blaming yourself for crazy behaviors, and excusing his inconsiderate, inappropriate, narcissistic behavior, if you keep holding out hope that this man will change. Never say never, but I wouldn’t hold my breath and keep waiting and wishing and hoping and praying. Your self esteem is getting lower and lower. It’s not funny anymore. Get out of your comfort zone and do it, even if it hurts for a while. Like ripping off the band-aid. Don’t look back. If you do, you will feel much better about yourself soon, and then begins the upward spiral into the life that you so much want and deserve.

    I’m not saying to cut him out of your life because he is a bad man,or that he is not the most special, awesome person you have ever met. But obviously you are suffering badly, because the quality of the relationship is not what can sustain you in a soul partnership. Your soul is starving. And that is where the rubber meets the road.

    So why continue to do this to yourself?

    light heart

  112.  #112Ella on May 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    FW re 8,

    I think there is a difference in insisting regarding something you won’t do or something you require for
    yourself, along the lines of

    ‘I feel so worried about … and I know I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone unless those issues are addressed.’

    And then maybe, when discussing the situation further, and he is asking her what he can do ‘I would feel happy and safe if you went to see someone’.

    This could work especially well if she has created some distance and is being magnetic and he is coming to her and wanting to know how to fix things.

    And yes. I can still see it is a slim line between boundaries and overfunctioning.

    I guess the trick is in the detail.

    Ie: not suggesting any course of action just being clear on your boundary and stating that using FMs and don’t wants…

    That is what comes up for me.

  113.  #113Francesca on May 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    (((Sun Goddess)))

  114.  #114Sun Goddess on May 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    What should I do? Continue to lean back or get him to come get his stuff so I can move forward with musicman????

  115.  #115R.N.AmazingMe on May 7, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    ((Bren)))) I feel the passion in your words and I feel for your pain soooo much. As you know I had your situation it was very painful but I learned a lot about myself and am actually glad I went through ALL of it. To experience that brought me here as R brought you here. I think you have to come to a point, and noone can tell you when this breaking point is, everyone is different. I hit my breaking point a few times but the last time it didn’t hurt me. What helped me get through it was. I thought about what I felt for this man in the very beginning. Why I loved him so much and how he made me feel. That was all I needed, you know why?…..This was not the same man well in my eyes it was not. So if it was Rori and the tools here and me changing or him being crazy, psycho, or a combo of both…doesn’t matter. He was not showing me the love, attention, and affection he once did. All what made me fall was no longer and suddenly I realized I am taking this BS from a man that cares?? Has he shown me he cares? Why is he pointing out all of my flaws and why am I letting him make me feel bad for being me. Yuck that is not anyone’s place! I couldn’t be happier of what I learned here and I will be so happy when you get to that point. B no matter how much good you see or have seen in R, Do you really think this man is capable of loving you the way you deserve? Just curious because I appreciate you here on siren island and would love to see you with a man that deserves you.

  116.  #116Luzydel on May 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    Abraham Hicks – All Is well Except Romance Part 1

  117.  #117Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Sun Goddess I would want to get rid of his stuff.

  118.  #118Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    Sun Goddes also let the kids in very slowly to any new relationship.

  119.  #119Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    Sun Goddes also let the kids in very slowly to any new relationship.

  120.  #120Sun Goddess on May 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    I feel so glad to hear you say get his stuff out! Also, I don’t want to introduce my children to anyone.

  121.  #121Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Light Heart,

    110 – Thank you, I will cut it off. I prefer if you use my nickname, just to protect myself. I decided it’s not wise to have my real name, since I never know who will be looking for me here.

  122.  #122Starla on May 7, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    It felt good not to talk about CF with my friend. She actually asked how I was feeling about that, because she wanted to make sure I knew I could talk about it! I feel so supported! But we laughed our asses off about other stuff.

    Well, we DID “decide” to prank call him:
    him: hello
    us: hi, is your refrigerator running?
    him: uhh yeah last time i checked
    us: oh that must be why you suck!!
    probably doesn’t make any sense at all (it’s not supposed to), but to us, that stuff is HAHA die laughing funny.

    I am overall feeling just low energy and stagnating and waiting for my period to come. I feel lonely but I also want to be left alone by the outside world… feeling kinda cactus-y.

  123.  #123Starla on May 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    to be clear, we just joked about calling him. we did not actually call him and ask him if his refrigerator is running.

  124.  #124Lizka on May 7, 2012 at 5:16 pm


    I had such a weird day! Since the first week of my training, I’ve told my trainer that I would feel so happy to work on the road instead in the office and they said yes and then no and then yes and finally later because they have no position open right now in my city… unless I’m open to travel for a while to another city which is a city that I love and where I feel like in vacation when I’m there!

    This was just an email exchange. at first I taught no way. But then I taught about and said why not! So tomorrow, I have an appointment with the HR girl and I’ll ask if this would be just temporary and if I would have my hotel and food paid (I’m pretty sure they will) and if she says yes, I’m definitely going to accept!

    It would feel so fun to work for the summer in this beautiful and romantic city. Like it wouldn’t feel like work at all!! And I’ll get to spend time in a hotel room which is always fun and maybe with a pool and wow!!!!


    I’m so happy I was persistent in this one and I got good results. Work is not like relationships 🙂

  125.  #125Starla on May 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    alaska sent me an email with a picture to make me smile, cuz it’s rainy today and he knows i hate dreary days.

    it was really sweet, but honestly i felt icked out.:(

    i feel super triggered.

    i do want a man who thinks of me like that.

    just not him?

    i dunno, i’m not ready to navigate all that head-on in the first place. and that’s okay, too.

  126.  #126Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Ella thanks for your perspective

  127.  #127Sun Goddess on May 7, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    LP just texted that he would call me after his son goes to sleep. Now I feel scared….not even sure what I’m going to say.

  128.  #128light heart on May 7, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Sorry about that, I forgot that in a moment of protectiveness of your heart 🙂

    Believe me, I know it is hard and out of your comfort zone, but you will be so glad you did.

    And don’t listen to any sappy love songs that proclaim stuff like “I’m nothing without youuuuuu, oh youoooo” and don’t feel sorry for him….instead….. champion your own self!

    You know that it will really be worth it.

    love to you

    light heart

  129.  #129siren song on May 7, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    I rule! I just got guy who loves me to give me my stuff back on weds. He told me…that he loves me.

    What a guy

  130.  #130siren song on May 7, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    And by ‘got’ i mean ‘asked him using FMs’

  131.  #131Femininewoman on May 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Sun Goddess you are the one with the pwer to say yes or no. Establish your boundaries and stick by yourself, even in the face of your fear.

  132.  #132Sun Goddess on May 7, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    I wrote down some feeling messages…now, I just want to get it over with!!!

  133.  #133Angela on May 7, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    HI Sirens,

    I have a question… How do I get communication to become consistent with a man who I just recently am getting back together with?
    He initiates all contact but he hasn’t asked me to hang out in a while (in 3 weeks, LDR). Our communication seems so awkward.
    I see him making efforts even though I broke his heart and walked away from him. I’m blown away that he wants me back in his life but my energy is still very masculine and I feel so awkward being vulnerable. But I know being vulnerable is the best for us.
    There’s something that makes me feel that he asks me questions and says things to see what I am going to say but i don’t say anything because I feel awkward being mushy and girly.
    I am trying to get out of that mode that’s why I’m asking for help. Is there something I can read that may help?

  134.  #134Angela on May 7, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Sometimes I feel so stupid because I know I should respond in a more feminine manner but I’ll just change the topics and talk about sports or work. I know I shouldn’t be talking like that with a man who’s trying to be with me.

  135.  #135Starla on May 7, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    I feel blank and empty. There is one bit of news — I think I’m going to buy a BMW. Not a brand new one, but a fancy one all the same:)

    I felt like I needed to shrink and not get too nice of a car… like I needed to apologize for liking nice things. But today my best friend convinced me today that I should never “dumb myself down” in any way out of fear of what people will think.

  136.  #136Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    Light Heart and all,

    110 – Thank you for being my hero! Thank you for being there for me in my moment of need!

    I handled it slightly different, because one of my personal directives is to not intentionally hurt a man. And not taking his calls with no explanation would have done that, and it is passive aggressive for me.

    So i returned his call, left a brief voicemail, and then he called me back. I asked why he was calling me, saying i felt weird and confused.

    He said he thought I wanted to explain a misunderstanding. I said I mean beyond that, why would you care when you just ended the friendship?

    He said he cares about me as a human being and just thot I wanted to explain it to him. I told him I was feeling emotionally unsafe, and each time I try to explain it to him, I get hurt.

    So I said it’s better if I don’t try to explain it. I guess my point was if you haven’t understood in 3 years, you are probably not going to understand.

    I said this feels weird and confusing and I keep getting hurt, and something just feels “off”, so I would like to take a break for a while. He said ok, I said thank you anyway, and we said bye.

    The way his words slammed the middle of my heart over and over last night and today, I continue to believe it was an attempt at psychological abuse and mind control.

    Ladies, I love you all, and I am going to have to lean very hard on this blog to write to keep my resolve. I am going to try to look at him as I would some harmful substance like drugs, alcohol, or cheesecake.

    Light Heart, I am trusting you because I no longer trust myself. I admit I need help, so I took it. My heart is raw, once again.

    Thank you again. How I thank God for this place to come find sanity! This was a hard couple of days. You are right, it is no longer funny. It is sapping my very life strength. I must make this the end. I will meditate on all you said and what the other sirens say. I feel horrible. Love, Me

  137.  #137Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Light Heart,

    127 – Speaking of sappy love songs, I was listening to Delilah on the way home from my Mom’s. Music has been especially meaningful in my relationship with R. While i was waiting for R to return my call, I heard one of our favorite songs, Come on Get Higher:

    “Come On Get Higher”

    I miss the sound of your voice
    And I miss the rush of your skin
    And I miss the still of the silence
    As you breathe out and I breathe in

    If I could walk on water
    If I could tell you what’s next
    I’d make you believe
    I’d make you forget

    So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
    Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
    Just pull me down hard
    And drown me in love
    So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
    Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
    Just pull me down hard
    And drown me in love

    I miss the sound of your voice
    Loudest thing in my head
    And I ache to remember
    All the violent, sweet
    Perfect words that you said

    If I could walk on water
    If I could tell you what’s next
    I’d make you believe
    I’d make you forget

    So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
    Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
    Just pull me down hard
    And drown me in love
    So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
    Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
    Just pull me down hard
    And drown me in love

    I miss the pull of your heart
    I taste the sparks on your tongue
    I see angels and de(vils
    And God, when you come on
    Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

    Sing sha la la la
    Sing sha la la la la

    Ooo Ooo Ooo…
    So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
    Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
    Just pull me down hard
    And drown me in love
    So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
    Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
    Just pull me down hard
    And drown me, drown me in love

    It’s all wrong, it’s all wrong
    It’s all wrong, it’s so right
    So come on, get higher
    So come on and get higher
    ‘Cause everything works, love
    Everything works in your arms.

    We both used to just revel in this song whenever it came on, stopping all conversation.

    Next came on Oh, I can’t remember! Then just after i got off the phone with R, this one came on:

    Better in Time!

    It felt like a holy hookup, so I immediately called R back, silently setting the phone down for him to hear the song:

    It’s been the longest Winter without you,
    I didn’t know where to turn to.
    See, somehow I can’t forget you,
    After all that we’ve been through.

    Going, coming… thought I heard a knock
    Who’s there? No one
    Thinking that I deserve it
    Now I realize that I really didn’t,

    If you didn’t notice, boy, you mean everything.
    Quickly I’m learning to love again,
    All I know is I’m gon’ be okay

    Thought I couldn’t live without you
    It’s gonna hurt when it heals too, ooh yeah
    (It’ll all get better in time)
    And even though I really love you,
    I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to
    It’ll all get better in time

    I couldn’t turn on the TV,
    Without something there to remind me
    Was it all that easy?
    To just put aside your feelings.
    If I’m dreaming, don’t wanna lie,
    Hurt my feelings

    But that’s the path

    I believe in,
    And I know that time will heal it

    If you didn’t notice, well
    You mean everything.
    Quickly I’m learning to love again,
    All I know is I’m gon’ be okay

    Thought I couldn’t live without you
    It’s gonna hurt when it heals too, ooh yeah
    (It’ll all get better in time)
    And even though I really love you,
    I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to, ooooooh
    It’ll all get better in time

    Since there’s no more you and me (no more you and me)
    It’s time I let you go so I can be free
    And live my life how it should be.
    (No no no no no no)
    No matter how hard it is,
    I’ll be fine without you, Yes I will.

    Thought I couldn’t live without you
    It’s gonna hurt when it heals too ohhhh
    It’ll all get better in time ooooh
    And even though I really love you
    I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to (yes I do)
    It’ll all get better in time, woah

    Thought I couldn’t live without you
    It’s gonna hurt when it heals too, yeahh
    It’ll all get better in time
    And even though I really love you
    I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to

  138.  #138Starla on May 7, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Angela, maybe try being honest? “I feel really gushy and girly when I talk to you… and it feels awkward and frozen… sometimes i feel like such an awkward girl”

    just an idea

  139.  #139Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Light Heart,

    My post with songs links and lyrics just went into moderation. Darn. Too tired to fight it. I really need to sleep. If I can.

  140.  #140LiliBee on May 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    Hi Radlove,

    I just caught up on the last thread and saw your post to SilverMoonbeam about the tapping seminars.

    I would like to suggest that you go on Youtube and try the tapping with Margaret Lynch on “resistence”.
    I tapped to those and my resistence to learning melted away.
    When I listened to Rori’s audio CDs and any other seminars, I soaked it all in so much easier and faster than ever.

    You said you had so many CDs you wanted to listen to again, but if you do the tapping to resistence 1st, the everything you read and listen to will sink in so much easier.

    Eventhough Margaret Lynch speaks alot about success with work and money in her videos, I still tapped to it and it unblocked my energy big time for my love life and friendships.

    Believe me, I was stuck for years and years in the same ole patterns…and the tapping got my energy unstuck for me to shift.

    I want the same for you my sister siren. 🙂 xox

  141.  #141LiliBee on May 7, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Luzydel ! You’re back! 🙂 I missed you!

    I posted a little prayer on the last thread to get you back here, and here you are.

    I love reading your processing.

  142.  #142Starla on May 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    i feel really appreciative for my best friend. she makes me laugh harder than anyone ever. she is so hilarious and wise.

  143.  #143Sun Goddess on May 7, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    I’m so upset with myself. He was angry with me and I should have let him have the last word and walk away but I couldn’t. I think it was because of the angry words he was using…I felt like I disappointed my parents and I had to fix it, but I don’t know that it should be fixed because he thought everything was cool with us. I royally failed at that conversation.

  144.  #144Luzydel on May 7, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    I’m not angry at “parkguy” for faking his age; I guess the only way he could get me to go out with him was, but saying he was younger. However I do not like being lied to, so I will leave it alone. I hope he has learn something from me. Also he wasn’t such a gentleman, the two dates he did not spend a penny on me, Not even coffee…and it is not about spending money, but the fact that he wasn’t interested in making sure I was fine. I know I am not goinf to concentrate on him we didn’t have any kind of intimacy, we just talked a lot.

    I want to be treated nice by a man again…slowly…

  145.  #145LiliBee on May 7, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    I felt kinda icky yesterday and today.

    Well, not all out icky. Just a little bug in the back of my mind icky.
    D and I have both been busy running around even when together.
    I’ve missed the romance in the past week.

    We did have alot of fun together at the dance on Saturday night.
    It’s just that we were around a crowd and feel asleep immediately when we got home.
    He had to rush to get to work the next morning.

    I feel needy for our alone relaxing together time.
    I was starting to feel a bit disconnected without it for the past week.
    I was feeling a distance, hoping it doesn’t keep up.

    But then tonight during his father-son alone bonding evening, he calls me while his son is in the shower, just to touch base.
    Awwww, I felt so special and important 🙂
    I said “I feel warm and smiley hearing your voice.”

    He called coz last week, I said an FM about him not calling on his father-son night.
    The next day I said “I felt sad and abandoned last night. I missed having a little short ‘good night’ call before going to bed.”
    Then he calls tonight sounding all happy to be talking to me.
    He made time while his son was in the shower.

    He does want to make me happy 🙂

  146.  #146Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    In other news, Yorky texted me today asking for my full name. I gave it to him but it felt weird. He will probably look me up on the internet.

    What would you have done or said?

  147.  #147LiliBee on May 7, 2012 at 7:33 pm



    Did you use FMs?

    “Fixing” things is the man’s job.

    Well, you had told him how you felt about his distance before, no?
    So, why is he surprised?
    Nevermind, don’t answer that, coz that’s getting in his head.

    I like the musicman 🙂

    How do you feel now? Angry, sad, relieved?

  148.  #148R.N.AmazingMe on May 7, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    It is great to see you Luzydel! Long time:) How are things!?

  149.  #149Angela on May 7, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    thank you Starla. I appreciate your advice. I never thought about telling him that I feel awkward and weird.
    I’m so used to feeling that I need to be perfect when I’m with him… no faults. He’d always tell me that before the breakup he felt that I’m so perfect… He’d ask why did I ever want to be with him.
    I know that is a reason why he wouldn’t commit to me.

  150.  #150light heart on May 7, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Well done, Radlove !

    Now, be impeccable with your word:

    You said to him exactly how you feel and what you meant.

    Now, mean what you say, by sticking to it, for a long time.

    Go to post #115 and click on the link to the you tube and listen to it, I really think it could help to make you feel better right now.

    light heart

  151.  #151Daria on May 7, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    Radlove – i wouldnt have given him my name, me personally unless i had met him

    but if i did i wouldnt trip

    also with Ryan it seems he was leaning forward to you now!

    like all your emotion actually drew him in!

  152.  #152R.N.AmazingMe on May 7, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    I am hoping the man at the hospital I saw about a job calls me tomorrow. I thought he would call today but he did not. I was impressed though after interview he called me to make sure I got on the road ok and to let me know he would be calling me soon. SO that was nice of him checking on me, even if it is for a job, it feels great to be wanted. He seemed very nice and pretty confident in my psychiatric skills as a nurse. I love my career:)

  153.  #153Daria on May 7, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Radlove – next time he calls/contacts say only this

    I feel

    I feel…. what do you think?

    I feel… I dont want… what do you think?


  154.  #154Starbright on May 7, 2012 at 8:15 pm


    Wondering about “IT WILL WORK!!!”

    Just curious when Rori talks about sometimes one needs to walk away from a man – whether it be because he is toxic or insists he only wants friendship.

  155.  #155Daria on May 7, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Starbright – *shrug* yeah but Ryan was coming towards her and I havent seen that before and that feels exciting

    alls required is telling the truth in feeling messages and see what happens

  156.  #156light heart on May 7, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    Intimate Relationships and the Spiritual Path
    by Marianne Williamson

    The common wisdom goes like this: that the myth of “some enchanted evening,” when all is awash with the thrill of connection and the aliveness of new romance, is actually a delusion… a hormonally manufactured lie. That soon enough, reality will set in and lovers will awaken from their mutual projections, discover the psychological work involved in two people trying to reach across the chasm of real-life separateness, and come to terms at last with the mundane sorrows of human existence and intimate love.

    In this case, the common wisdom is a lie.

    From a spiritual perspective, the scenario above is upside down. From a spiritual perspective, the original high of a romantic connection is thrilling because it is true. It is in fact the opposite of delusion. For in a quick moment, a gift from the gods, we are likely to suspend our judgment of the other, not because we are temporarily insane, but because we are temporarily sane. We are having what you might call a minienlightenment experience. Enlightenment is not unreal; enlightenment—or pure love—is all that is real. Enlightenment is when we see not as through a glass darkly, but truly face-to-face.

    What is unreal is what comes after the initial high, when the personality self reasserts itself and the wounds and triggers of our human ego form a veil across the face of love. The initial romantic high is not something to outgrow, so much as something to earn admittance back into—this time not as an unearned gift of Cupid’s arrows, but as a consequence of the real work of the psychological and spiritual journey. The romantic relationship is a spiritual assignment, presenting an opportunity for lovers and would-be lovers to burn through our own issues and forgive the other theirs, so together we can gain re-entrance to the joyful realms of our initial contact that turn out to have been real love after all.

    Our problem is that most of us rarely have a psychic container strong enough to stand the amount of light that pours into us when we have truly seen, if even for a moment, the deep beauty of another. The problem we have is not that in our romantic fervor we fall into a delusion of oneness; the problem is that we then fall into the delusion of separateness. And those are the romantic mysteries: the almost blinding light when we truly see each other, the desperate darkness of the ego’s blindness, and the sacred work of choosing the light of mutual innocence when the darkness of anger and guilt descend.

  157.  #157Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    I feel physically ill. So hard to shift gears. God please save me from myself. My own love is the weapon he uses to slash my heart again and again.

  158.  #158Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 9:35 pm


    Yorky: I had a single swimming date at his $500,000 house last June. He is in the Big Brother Program. I have a very solid sense of him as a responsible citizen.

    So wou

  159.  #159Radlove on May 7, 2012 at 9:36 pm


    Yorky: I had a single swimming date at his $500,000 house last June. He is in the Big Brother Program. I have a very solid sense of him as a responsible citizen.

    So would out have given your last name?

  160.  #160Layla on May 7, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    I have a similar situation to the woman in this article. My guy is also depressed, I know I can’t fix his problems, so I just listen. He’s going through a hard time at work and with finances. It just seems weird to use feeling messages about how good I’m feeling when he feels like shit. I just don’t know how that will bring him closer. I believe his depression is keeping him from fully committing. However, when I get on with my life, he does lean forward. But sometimes he seems to resent me going out and trying to live life without him. Maybe when I do my thing, I’m closing off to him. It’s hard to to CD yourself and still remain open to him. For example, he found out that I was looking up salsa dance lessons, because I want to learn how. He said,”Oh so now you want to go out dancing?” in a really resentful way. I didn’t know how to respond, I actually felt a little guilty. Looking back I should have smiled and said yes, you want to take lessons with me?
    Any advice or thoughts? It just seems cold to make myself happy when he’s suffering but when I do try to reach out and help him, he pulls away from me. Its just so tough.

  161.  #161Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    I would not give out my last name.

    I would respond with a question of “Why do you want my full name? I’m just curious.”

    It is YOUR name after all.

    You don’t owe anyone your name or any personal info.

    It’s funny because where I live (in CA) a $500,000 house is just a regular house. 🙂 LOL

  162.  #162Daria on May 7, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    Radlove – yeah if I had met him and felt cool yes 🙂

  163.  #163Silver Moonbeam on May 7, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    #134 Starla

    Woooo a beemer would be excellent for you!! I love what your friend said about not dumbing yourself down, as I know for sure I do this in many areas of my life.

    Years ago when I first left my ex and my daughter was going through some financial problems I told her to find a place for her and her 2 children and me and I would pay half of the rent and all the bills.

    She found this really lovely brand new town house, quite posh and I was like “Oh no, I can’t live there.” And she asked why not, and I said “That is too good for the likes of me!!”

    I can see I did the same with the PoshCD, oh no you are a better class than me WTF!!!

    Anyway in other news he did write back and say he had a dream and we were dancing, I had on a knee length red dress, high heels and flesh coloured nylons!!!! I wrote back and said he had very vivid dreams but I don’t have a red dress and a few FM’s so we will see, it will probably end up as some kind of sexting thing, who knows.

    Another in OKC has emailed me, he is an American from the same state as LD, and he served in the USMC at 2 or 3 of the places that LD did!! He lives in the USA but I will use him for practise as I will never ever ever be in an imaginary relationship again, no sirree!!!

    Back to Starla and her BMW, what kind where you thinking of? I think a very dark colour maybe navy with cream leather upholstery and a convertible would suit you, you could drive along with the roof down and your gorgeous hair flying behind you, or wear a scarf a la Thelma and Louise. 😀

  164.  #164Silver Moonbeam on May 7, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    I am finding the quality of men on OKC much better than POF at least those that are contacting me are. 🙂

    I have 5 CD’s now, let’s see if any make it to the first cup of coffee!!

    I live in a really small town and I don’t want to meet anybody here as I don’t want to be gossiped about because of my job situation. Is it OK to meet in the nearest big town, which is about 15 minutes away from me and has LOTS of cafes, coffee bars and restaurants?

    Is this acceptable RR behaviour? Do I put said big town on my profile not actual small town I live in?

    Help needed please. 🙂

  165.  #165Silver Moonbeam on May 7, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    #134 Starla again


    YES YES YES, this is a very good word for me to remember, why should I feel a need to shrink and not own my own power for the wonderful, magnificent Siren I am!!!!

    Oh yeah, my vibe has been shifting these past few days, nothing miracle like but a slight shift as my vibe goes up the scale, I keep tapping though haven’t listened to the world wide event thing yet, I have another 12 hours to do that. 🙂

  166.  #166Emerson on May 7, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    162 Silvermoon I think it’s fine to put that larger town’s name in your profile and meet there. Sometimes it’s nice to get out of your element and do something fun and I understand not wanting to meet up in your small town and wanting your privacy…
    Yay I am excited for you and I can’t wait to hear an update!!!
    I’m taking a break from all the online websites for now….

  167.  #167Silver Moonbeam on May 7, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    #138 LiliBee

    I tried to find the ML resistance youtube on Saturday but couldn’t find it, do you have a link please? Maybe it’s under another name?

  168.  #168Daria on May 7, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    Layla – i felt tightened up when i read “I believe his depression is keeping him from fully committing”

    i’d take it as a heads up to myself – im in his business and making excuses for him and for why im not getting enough

    i don’t want to commit to a man that can’t give me the relationship i want

    the woman in the article was married, luckily im not… so i can choose a different man

    id circular Date… men are happiest when they are ACTIVELY doing something to make me happy… so i’d give this guy a chance to pursue and do stuff to date me and make me happy – it might be the motivation he needs im a powerful force

    either way, i trust that i won’t betray myself and settle with a man who’s not giving me all that i need

    im committed to myself!

  169.  #169Daria on May 7, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    SMB – yeah ! meet whereever its convenient for you!

    i put the neareset big town too, totally ok 🙂

  170.  #170Silver Moonbeam on May 7, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    #154 light heart

    That is beautiful, I love MW’s words they speak to your very soul.

    Thank you for sharing. 🙂

  171.  #171Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 12:02 am

    Emerson and Daria

    Thank you, I will change my profile to big town not small town where I live. 🙂

    Oh I am quite excited today, not depressed and blah like I normally get on POF. 😀

  172.  #172Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 12:06 am


    Not sure about this name thing, maybe he is doing a check on you?

    Re the $500,000 house, I don’t think you could even buy one for that around here, my niece and her partner paid much more for a 2 bedroom flat!!!

    Do you on some level think he is too good for you as per my posts about myself above?

    Are you shrinking and making yourself small instead of owning the magnificent wonderful loving woman that is Radlove?

  173.  #173Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:24 am

    Go Silver Moonbeam!!!

    im recording the EFT Summitt

  174.  #174Emoticon on May 8, 2012 at 12:27 am

    wow. i feel proud of this woman!

  175.  #175Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:38 am

    I want to feel comfortable ! 🙁

    i feel uncomfortable


    i wanna move wout feeling uncomfortable

  176.  #176Tiffany on May 8, 2012 at 12:49 am

    Hm…is it fair to say that ALL women are “so much smarter” than men? Why is that true? That feels to me like the kind of thing I was taught all my life – that women are smarter and men are just stupid (and also jerks). And I have to say that, even if men *can* be pretty oblivious sometimes, and do stupid things, and be jerkfaces, that doesn’t mean that they ARE stupid. It doesn’t mean that men are bad or “less” than women, just because they are men. And I’m not sure those beliefs serve me well in seeking a relationship…

  177.  #177Tiffany on May 8, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Hello, everyone!!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support on the last thread…I really enjoyed reading your responses to when I was feeling really down in the dumps there.

    Turned out I think it was both pms AND a full moon. But it all resolved in a short amount of time.

    I had a birthday thing planned for Friday, which turned into a “date” – by his definition! And he even kissed me in the car afterward. Whew!

    Tonight, I also had a date with a guy I’ve never been out with before. He’s a friend of some of my girl friends, and we always have nice conversations. He seems like just a nice, down-to-earth guy. (But still a guy, definitely.) Except he did one weird thing, which was that he asked me to do something – he wanted me to provide something for him.

    Hm…funny, now that I think about it, the guy on Friday asked me to provide something for him, too. And so I’m wondering – is this a test? Is the Universe asking me to respond in a particular way?

    Funny. I didn’t really to bring this guy a coat tonight. It felt weird. I felt like a “guy” to do something like that. But I couldn’t think of a decent way to say no. Like, Oh, I feel girly, I would rather you freeze in the theater when we go to see the movie. But it wasn’t really that cold…really. It was pretty lame of him to ask me. I don’t want guys who want me to “provide” for them. They are supposed to be providing for me.

    Although, he did provide. He (unlike a certain previous CD) volunteered without question to pay for my meal and drink tonight, even though he had already eaten and wasn’t hungry, so he just had a beer. Then he paid for the movie as well. And if there had been time, he would have paid for ice cream. It was all a birthday present, and I feel happy with it.

    But at the end of the night, I left my jacket in his car, so now it’s super inconvenient for me, because I wear that jacket a lot. And he’s not even very appreciative, because it has cat hair all over it. So I wish I’d just kept it at home. It didn’t feel right, and instead of expressing my discomfort, I just did what he asked.

    A while back, I know I denied Dominique’s question as to whether or not I do things I don’t want to do because I want people to like me. And honestly, that’s not what I *think* I’m doing. When I make these decisions, I make them because it seems to me that that’s the only option for being “a decent person,” and anything else is either unworthy, indecent, or worse – just plain evil.

    And I realized something on Friday, after my date asked me to do something I didn’t want to do, and I partially complied, but not really in a full way (though I felt bad about even making an effort to accommodate his needs). I was feeling so weird, and I realized that in fact, I DO do these things because I want people to like me. Or even more than that – I’m doing it, because on some level, in my little girl self that is not quite healed, I am afraid that my mother is watching, or that she is going to find out, and if I am not a “good girl” I am going to get her disapproval. And so it’s not that I want *them* to like me – I already know that they like me. I am trying to get “approval” from some non-existent, invisible, all-powerful force. Even if that’s “G0d,” if you will. It’s a fear thing. I am afraid of annihilation if I do not do what they ask. And, maybe it’s true that I also do not want to lose their affection, etc. I don’t want to be seen as “weird” – and some people do think that when I voice my opinions. But I also want to be true to me.

    I don’t feel that bad about the jacket. I do feel like there might be an opportunity now – now that I have to see him again to get it back – to joke about the fact that I felt pretty “manly” giving him my jacket. When really, he should have been giving me HIS. Ugh. I just feel it is such a turn-off. He’s a super nice guy. But now I just feel he has all these feminine qualities, and there ain’t going to be room in a relationship for two females! lol We need a lot of attention. 🙂

  178.  #178Tiffany on May 8, 2012 at 1:27 am

    Radlove – I liked your question, from the last thread – is it ok to still like VM?

    Sure. Maybe it is!

    I like thinking about the interactions that we had. I liked how clearly he pursued me and let me know exactly how he was feeling about me, every step of the way. There was never any doubt about his interest in me. I liked how I felt with him, and I liked how I felt after I was with him. I just liked him. He’s a geeky, nerdy Indian boy who loves his gadgets. And he can be a little crazy sometimes. He’s a night-owl and he loves his friends.

    But overall, whenever I really think through everything (and maybe I should think less, but my feelings tell me the same story), I always come back to the same place. As much as I liked him then, and now, it’s not up to me anymore. And maybe I just have to trust it that I really am better without him. Because he can’t have been good for me. If he was, then he would be here, NOW, and he is not. I have other men in front of me, to keep me interested. I have men who can and probably do care about me. And this is kind of scary. Of someone actually does want to have children with me – that would be scary! But I also want it to feel fun. I want it to feel like a decision that we make together.

    I have been considering trying to express myself in a new way to VM about some of my experience. But each time it comes to mind, it feels like “explaining.” It feels like I might be trying to get something that I want. And partly, I am aware that I am afraid to simply just ASK for what I want. (I am afraid of being rejected and that he will say no. I need an airtight argument if I’m going to go that route. Lawyer persona! Hello!) And I also feel afraid to ask, because I literally don’t know the words to say. Even though I guess they are pretty obvious. The words are, basically, “I want a relationship with you.” In general, I want a relationship. I am saying that, in regards to him, it’s that I want(ed) a relationship with him, and to some extent, I still do. I am actively trying not to “want” it. I am focusing on other things. I am hoping that, by losing the battle, I can win the war, and get what I really want – all the big-ticket items. I want the passion. I want the commitment. I want the ring (what it symbolizes). I want the life together. And I want kids to be a part of that.

    And what I don’t want is – what really bothers me about this – is that I don’t want us to give up on something if it’s what we both want. But on the other hand, I can’t control that. I can’t control if he wants to give up on it. Unless he thought, somehow, that that is what I wanted when I told him I wanted “a break.” I wanted a BREAK – maybe a week. So that I could come back, and be okay, and be able to relate to him better. It was really about longevity, and needing time to get myself together after an intense experience – not a trial break-up. Maybe he took it too harshly. Or maybe he just got afraid of a future break-up. I’m not in his head.

    I just had to wonder if I really DID want a break up. And you know what? I didn’t. I really didn’t. I feel sad. 🙁

    But you know what? I am trying something new. I am actually going on a retreat for a weekend to talk all about love. And I’m spending a lot on it (though I got a good discount). I am amazed that I am prioritizing it in this way. But I decided that I feel abundant, and that the Universe is going to take care of me through this. The Universe knows that I need love and to be able to accept love and love it, and so do I. I know I need it because I can’t really afford NOT to have it.

    I just want a nice guy – no, a GOOD guy. And I want to be the woman that I need to be…

  179.  #179Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 1:47 am

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

    We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

    You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

    We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

    As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    Marianne Williamson

    Starla you inspired me to post this with your “shrink” word, what an aha moment you have given me, thank you Siren.

  180.  #180Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 1:48 am

    My gmail account has been hacked, so for those of you I have emailed in the past please don’t open any links in posts you get from “me.”

  181.  #181Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 1:51 am

    Wow my message from the Universe is pretty spot on after the 3 days I have had of tapping and crying and facing up to my fears and deciding to shrink no longer!!


    Very often, Barb, when tides start turning, great gears start shifting, and gusting winds start blowing at the onset of a really wonderful dream’s alignment with your present life, there is commotion, unpredictability, even turmoil.

    So, hey, let’s always assume that’s the case whenever you experience commotion, unpredictability, even turmoil. K?

    The Universe

    Let not your senses deceive, for even as the tempest may howl, just beyond it lies a serenity that could not otherwise find you. The storm before the calm, Barb, if you will.

  182.  #182Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 3:10 am

    Radlove, I’m so glad about the way you handled that conversation with R.

    You did what you had to do, girl.

    There’s no looking back now.

    Just keep on looking straight ahead into the future.

    Your NEW future filled with love, laughter, self-confidence, peace of mind and happiness.

    You can make it so.

    Because you deserve it.

  183.  #183Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 3:13 am


    Yes, I’ve told him before how the distance bothered me. Last night he said that he thought we would worry about our careers for a while and then us. Really?

    I lied and said there was nobody else because I didn’t like the way he was talking to me. I messed that up and I don’t know how to fix that.

    I really like musicman too. He always makes time for me unlike LP.

  184.  #184Ella on May 8, 2012 at 3:14 am

    Just realised MWC has broken his end of the bargain.

    Which was that I would be exclusive IF marriage was on the table AND he was sorting out the drinking issue.

    He hasn’t been drinking at all for a few weeks.

    Last night he did.

    And he told me.

    But I was at his preparing some food and he was going to be late back. Plus he had been drinking.

    So I gave him a FM that I felt weird and bad.

    No response.

    So I left.

    He called me as soon as he got home.

    And he wasn’t really drunk or anything but I could tell he had been drinking.

    He wanted to come and get me and I said no.

    Then we were talking and I asked him whether he is still planning to go and see someone about it and he admitted that he can’t afford it.

    Until then he had kept saying he was but not arranging it.

    He has been trying to arrange a trip away for us and buy me stuftf and I shared that I don’t care about that stuff… that it would make me feel much happier if he uses the money to sort this issue instead. What did he think?

    He basically said yes but that it meant that we wouldn’t have money to do stuff.

    I said ok.

    And now I am feeling cross.

    I know he loves me but I am feeling a bit duped.

    It seems like he was breaking his end of the bargain and not being straight with me about it…

    I feel unsure what to do now.

    I feel a bit ‘trapped’ in exclusivity now. And I feel scared to do the no g,friend speech.

    Ummmm. ??

  185.  #185Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 3:14 am

    Radlove, I love the way you handled that conversation with R.

    You did what you had to do, girl.

    There’s no looking back now.

    Just keep on looking straight ahead into the future.

    Your NEW future filled with love, laughter, self-confidence, peace of mind and happiness.

    You can make it so.

    Because you deserve it.

  186.  #186Aurora Girl on May 8, 2012 at 3:17 am

    135 Radlove

    “an attempt at psychological abuse and mind control”…by R…..

    From what you’ve posted, I think not…….

    There’s a difference between being in love with someone and being so laser focused on them that when they don’t do what we expect we feel hurt.

    Being in love with someone means space…..openness, respect, freedom, letting them be as they are…..

    Laser focus means analyzing their every move, mind reading, magical thinking, forgetting ourselves….projecting…..luring them back in… any way possible……taking even negative attention…..sitting with a twisted stomach….. and that all leads to horrible feelings.

    I feel sad watching you do this to yourself, cyclically over and over again over the past months. I find it painful to read your posts…..

    From what you’ve said, R is moving on. He never saw your dynamic as dating…..he may have spoken about loving his Queen….but he spoke metaphorically…….sounds to me like you projected yourself into that story.

    Can you let him be?

    Can you let yourself be?….once and for all when will you just let yourself be?….when will you stop blaming him and just free yourself from this story?…

    Your new story is waiting………


  187.  #187Sirenity on May 8, 2012 at 3:56 am

    Radlove , I am sorry that you feel so sad and torn.
    I have a suggestion that worked for me to get over imaginary relationship with Bad Boy . Maybe you would like to try it?

    Try substituting the word “addiction” for “love “every time you are talking to yourself about him or writing here.. and thinking about your “love”.

    eg I am so addicted to him (instead of i love him) ,
    My addiction to him keeps me going back for more pain.
    I beat myself up with my addiction to him.
    I feel torn by my addiction to him.
    I feel addiction sick
    My heart feels destroyed by my addiction to him…. etcetera…

    Try it out loud !!!

  188.  #188Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Ella he might be thinking “I can handle this” so there no need to spend money on taking care of it.

    Is your boundary that he never drinks at all, ever again?

    Commitment have to be revisited over and over again when we face a choice point, is what I have learned from Gay Hendricks. This is because a drift is likely to happen after a commitment is made. At this point you ask yourself, you ask each other is that what I/we really want and choose to either part or recommit. Hendricks uses the example of a plane that drifts from its set course continuously until it gets to its destination. The way I think of it is that it is not the relationship that is on trial, it is the commitment.

  189.  #189Sirenity on May 8, 2012 at 4:06 am

    In other news I have decided to break the drought ..
    I am feeling very “rock star” and going to a special event shortly . I am going with a friend who i dated years ago.

    He is getting over a relationship loss, I am getting over that and a whole lot more (illness), and its time to bare the bod to a man . I have decided he is safe , attractive and respectful and he is gonna be the one..

    I am finally feeling quite neutral about the Bad Boy after 18 months of healing. I am feeling excited to rediscover me!!!

    I truly feel excited to test run my sensual and sexual self after so long. As I know he is not emotionally “available”just now , yet cares as a friend and knows all the dirt . I feel safe with this decision. I like to sing with this guy.

    Another thing I have been up to is LOTS of singing . I was silent for ten years ..literally..after my marriage failed, divorce, stress+++++++++, lots of losses , illness etc.

    Finally I am free to let my voice take flight. MY new teacher is helping me and I am going to give a recital (classical , art songs, etc) ..yippee!!

  190.  #190Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 4:08 am

    Sun Goddess most men can’t feel good in relationships until their careers (read purpose on the planet) is solid. They do tend to focus on that a lot. What you wrote suggests that quality time is important to your feeling of being loved. Saying I don’t want to be spoken to like that is okay if soft and open, not harsh and demanding.

  191.  #191Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 4:16 am


    It suggested to me that something specific will happen as if that kind of thing always produce _________. So I wondered “what will happen”.

    Then there was “see what happens” so my mind said “it might not work”. And if it doesn’t work, what happens to the self esteem?

  192.  #192Aurora Girl on May 8, 2012 at 4:41 am

    Well Chickies
    another day……I am sad that I can’t get in my walk again today……feeling frustrated that work and parenting creep in all the time and steal it away……

    …my sweety arrives today for a few days…..I feel like I could get a walk in maybe at the end of the day before he arrives….or maybe afterwards when he’s here……I”d really like that…..a walk at the end of the day……

    I feel guilty that I am settling on what I want at the end of the day….old ghosts from my first marriage are creeping in….that say I am being selfish and that my partner will want may attention instead….my ex-partner use to demand my attention to his things……oh so toxic…..

    but I really want to walk today…..I want a new experience…….I want to heal this……I want to be clear….

    my sweety is different….I want to not re-enact my past……I want a new experience. I want to walk and feel good at the end of the day…..I can invite him if he wishes….but I want to do that walk….I need to…….my body feels anxious at the thought of not going ……


  193.  #193Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 4:59 am

    #188 FW

    I agree.

    I don’t think this works like some kind of magic for every single man on the planet.

    Not every man you meet is somehow going to magically fall in love with you because you are using feeling messages.

  194.  #194Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Ella, have you given up drinking completely yourself?

  195.  #195Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 5:07 am

    AG, taking a walk with your sweety sounds nice.

  196.  #196Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 5:43 am


    I have just had a MASSIVE email from my gf who is utterly miserable with the man she left Australia for, I sent her some RR stuff a while ago, but I don’t think it is magically going to work with this man.

    I don’t know what to say to her, he was in a sexless, loveless marriage, so he left his wife and his house to live with my gf and she is feeling terrible guilt because if she goes back to Oz where she owns a house he will be left here with nothing. She has told him she will sell her house in Oz and give him x amount so he can buy a place here and she will have to buy a cheaper place there.

    She said she has made the worst decision of her life and is thinking of going on anti depressants which of course are not going to solve her problem.

    They reunited on a school friends site 2 years ago after 30 years(!!) they were engaged in their 20’s.

    Any ideas Sirens, I hate to see my friend suffer like this, she was the real fun bubbly type now she is thinking of going on pills, I just feel so sad for her.

    A lesson here too about getting involved with married or newly separated men………

    I had previously invited her down to stay with me for the weekend to get away and give her some me time as she sounds like her spirit is dying, she said her spirit is stifled and he basically sounds like the man in Rori’s post above and if she goes away for the weekend he will get angry and make life miserable for her. 🙁

  197.  #197Iamabutterfly on May 8, 2012 at 5:48 am

    I feel so much better today. I prayed and balled my eyes out in my car on a long drive. One of my best friends treated me to dinner, and gave me some amazing perspective about the whole situation. and I got my period! I feel so relieved!

  198.  #198Aurora Girl on May 8, 2012 at 5:51 am

    192 Francesca

    Thank you…..

    I know it’s not about the walk per se, more about knowing what I want and need and holding on to that…..not always accommodating…..and not feeling guilty when I do what I need to do for my health and feeling good…..

    I think I spent a lot of time in my marriage accommodating a demanding spouse, a childish spouse…….and when he didn’t get his way he would sent out ultimatums…….including for se8x sadly I would bend……it was programmed into me when I was kid I’m sure…..behave or you’ll get the belt……behave or you’ll get punished…..behave or I’ll leave…..

    I want not to repeat that pattern in relationships…I want not to repeat that pattern in an intimate relationship with a man…..where he has se8x on his mind and I don’t want it ……and then he takes it personally…

    I feel pressured that my sweety will want that upon his arrival when we are alone and I’ll just want to go for a walk……

    want to heal this……want a new experience of being respected and not having someone pout….

    no reason to feel he will do this…..just an old ghost…..

    go away ghost…..

  199.  #199Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 5:53 am

    SMB I am not clear about what is happening of what she wants. Is it that he is depressed so now she is depressed too? Is she clear that she wants out of the relationship? Has she discussed taking a break away to reevaluate? Or is it that you are discussing her leaving without any discussion with him?

  200.  #200Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 6:01 am

    FW, how is your finger?

  201.  #201Aurora Girl on May 8, 2012 at 6:06 am


    It seems like she’s overfunctioning…(ha no surprise I see it through that lens….I can relate)….

    why on earth does she feel she has to give him money from the sale of her house for a house for him? does she feel obligated? out of guilt?

    your offer of time away with you is so kind…and might be just what she needs… if he gets upset with her for that…..then isn’t he is trapping her…….?

    you are a kind siren to be there for her…..


  202.  #202Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 6:08 am

    Thanks for asking Francesca. They are on the mend but still painful because of all the nerve endings there. Last set of sutures were taken out yesterday and after next week the doctor visits reduce to twice per month.

  203.  #203Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 6:10 am

    By the way it is 3 fingers that got wounded but the least hurt was the inde and it is doing very well. It almost looks normal.

  204.  #204Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 6:16 am

    I won’t be able to check back in here until tonight, but I finally told the truth to LP. He got really upset and told me he would be by for his things tomorrow. I feel sad but mostly relieved. He then texted that he believes that I kicked him out last yr because he was having lunch with this girl at his work. I replied, “I think the visions of the past are a little clouded…I’m choosing to live in the present. Too bad we couldn’t meet here.”

  205.  #205Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 6:19 am

    I understand his anger. It is good he is feeling it and expressing it. I would be prepared for more and more wanting to talk. That is where you get to practice being open and speaking up and sharing all the emotions that you have been stuffing.

  206.  #206Iamabutterfly on May 8, 2012 at 6:20 am

    @200 Feminine Woman – that’s great news! I feel happy for you! 🙂

  207.  #207Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 6:21 am


    It feels like he doesn’t care about me….like he will never have time for me if his career always comes first.

  208.  #208Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Thanks Iamabutterfly

    That is just a thought from your NVs Sun Goddess. I believe you need quality time to feel loved and you are not sharing that. Maybe bringing things back to yourself might help you find the words to share the things you need to share with him.

  209.  #209Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 6:28 am

    SG if that is yardstick you use to measure a man’s feeling for you the Universe could possibly bring this lesson up again with someone else. Myabe focussing on believing that you are enough for any many might help you really sink into your feelings.

    It is a male thing to feel good about oneself and feel powerful when the career is on track.

  210.  #210ReceivingGirl on May 8, 2012 at 6:29 am

    I posted this on the last thread, but realized a new thread is up, so I’m re-posting.

    @994 brandylion

    What is it that you find appealing about education? Is it the intelligence? Does it make you feel more security? Is it a status thing?

    How about just going with it? Date some guys who didn’t go to college. I feel you may be pleasantly surprised to find out that a “real” education doesn’t always make the man intelligent. School and degrees don’t really mean much if the man cheated his way through it, or barely passed his classes.

    There are many other forms of education that do not require spending a ton of money for a piece of paper stating a formal education. Some people just cannot afford or feel their money is spent better other places, yet they still educate themselves with books and other means. We all can purchase textbooks the colleges use and read them ourselves, learn the same stuff without paying thousands of dollars, instead it would be hundreds of dollars and may even get more out of it.

    Opening yourself up to that avenue, will open yourself up to a plethora of men you were previously closing off.

    I have enough college credits for a Bachelor’s degree, but I can’t get that piece of paper because I jumped around too much and my courses aren’t within the constraints of the rules. I’m actually working towards a Bachelor in General Studies, going to the school which allowed me to transfer the most credits and is really cheap. I’m taking stupid courses I have no interest in just to get a piece of paper. Why am I doing this? Not because I enjoy it, not because I want to, but because society holds that piece of paper in high regard. Other people think my life would be better with it.

    I’m actually considering not continuing. I feel I should not waste my money when my heart is not in it. I don’t really care at all.I don’t feel a piece of paper makes me any more or less educated than someone who has it. I spend time educating myself and I would hate if someone judged me based on the fact a college didn’t print me a diploma. It happens all the time and it’s just how society is. It doesn’t mean we all need to follow suit. I’m worth much more than that judgment.

    Maybe these men are too?

    I hope this helps a little! 🙂

  211.  #211Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 6:31 am

    A man wants to know that he can provide for his woman.

    Look at the article above. A man is happy when he is giving to you.

  212.  #212Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 6:34 am

    I believe Steve Jobs did not finish school. Most people want education to be able to provide a decent living for their family

  213.  #213ReceivingGirl on May 8, 2012 at 6:56 am

    @ previous post 1022: Queenbee:

    Hi ReceivingGirl 🙂 Love your new name. Hope you feel good with it.

    I was really happy to read that you thought we could be twins separated at birth #839 🙂 I felt flattered and touched… then I realized you must have meant April Rose in 819. Is it everything in twos?

    Thanks for responding to my question. Will see what to do. What feels good to me right now is listening to my inner voice.

    Much love to you xoxo

    Queenbee, the twins comment was your second paragraph in 819. 🙂

    I like the new name, thanks.

  214.  #214Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 6:58 am

    #196 FW

    I don’t think that he has clinical depression per se, more like they are complete opposites, she is very vibrant and wants to DO things, he wants to sit and read the newspaper all day, it’s like he is draining her from my understanding. She wants to go for big walks, concerts, Europe, weekend trips he wants none of this, they have applied for visas for him to go and live in Australia but it seems like she is the overfunctioning male here pushing him into something he really doesn’t want to do, as she doesn’t like living in England (she is English BTW), he gets grumpy if she says she wants to get away, but I think she needs to start taking care of herself NOW before she gets any lower. They have talked of splitting up but he keeps reminding her of how he has no home now.


    Yes I think she feels guilty, he left his house to his wife (they are not yet divorced) and they rent at the moment, the plan, no lets face it, HER plan was to persuade him to go and live in Australia, she has really pushed him.

    She said something like, I will just have to go along with it, hang on I will find it.

    “i think that if we were back in oz we could both do our own thing and it wouldn’t be this bad but who knows……all i know is that i don’t think he is the right personality for me…..but i know i have to stick it through because he gave up everything for me

    i feel i am so far removed from the vibrant person i used to be i don’t recognise myself……i am pretty sure i need anti-depressants which is terrible because i didn’t need them even with my husband……

    i guess i will do what we all do, let it run it’s course to its miserable end…..

    i feel this is the worst decision i have ever made in my whole life, and now i’m stuck”

    This is just a wee part of the email.

    I just don’t know what to say to her, I will maybe try and phone her, obviously when she is free to talk, I really would appreciate some feedback from you wise Sirens.

  215.  #215Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 7:13 am

    SMB I am not sure saying anything to her will help. What I am reading is suggesting to me that she needs to take full responsibility for her life and he needs to take responsibility for his. It kind of sounds like she has been mothering thus far and he does not want her to change that. However, it sounds like they need to talk to each other to become clear about what they want and if they fit.

  216.  #216Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 7:17 am

    FW, you’re welcome.

    I’m glad that your fingers are healing well. 🙂

  217.  #217R.N.AmazingMe on May 8, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Ok I cannot wait until I get money coming in on a regular basis. Still no period, something is wrong and I need to go to the doctors. Scares me but I know I will take care of me(((me)))))))))))))!

  218.  #218Aurora Girl on May 8, 2012 at 7:21 am

    “i know i have to stick it through because he gave up everything for me”

    It sounds to me like he left the previous relationship and made that choice. Now he has to live with it. He didn’t have to find his own place. He didn’t have to spend time on his own and sort out his stuff….he moved right into a relationship with her it seems…..

    What did he give up?

    What if her thinking is irrational and backwards? What if her guilt is distorting that? What if she did a 180 flip and looked at the other way.

    “I have to stick it through” and tolerate is a nasty set of handcuffs to wear for someone….

    Does she “hear” what you have to say to her SMB?


  219.  #219Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 7:27 am

    My jealousy about other women in a man’s life is already resurfacing with musicman. Trying to see why I can’t be confident that I am enough.

  220.  #220Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 7:43 am

    From Rori’s eNewsletter I got today. I find the last sentence below very significant. Maybe men know that and is one of the reasons some push for sex so quickly?


    You may not have noticed this, but when you’re feeling tense or nervous, you press your lips together.

    Try it right now. Think about a recent conversation or event that completely threw you off balance and angered you, or made you anxious.

    Like when he called to cancel a date you were looking forward to. Or he turned his back on you when you needed to talk, or vent.

    Are you imagining something like that? Ok…

    Notice how your lips oh-so-slightly press together. They tense up and your mouth looks smaller and tighter.

    Now think about something sensual, relaxing.

    Really get into the visual. Maybe you’re imagining petting your dog or cat. Maybe you’re imagining your man telling you he loves you and he’s stroking your hair.

    How does that change the way your lips feel? Are they relaxed and slightly parted?

    So here’s the tip: When you’re feeling s stressed, anxious, tense, do something that feels COUNTERINTUITIVE.

    Relax your lips, and part them slightly. You’ll notice an immediate simultaneous shift in your “energy” from tense to calm.

    But more importantly, this remarkable technique can also make you APPEAR more relaxed and self-confident, even when you’re in a very tense situation. Like on a date, or having an emotional conversation with your boyfriend.

    Looking more self-confident and relaxed opens you up and sends the signal that you’re OPEN and vulnerable – which is actually an irresistible visual “signal” to a man.

    Isn’t that something?

    Any woman can learn how to become more attractive and magnetic simply by tapping into her natural inner beauty and feminine energy.

    Men are DRAWN and MAGNETIZED to a woman when she’s relaxed, vulnerable, soft on the outside but STRONG on the inside.

    If you’d like to learn more body language tips, check out my Modern Siren program. It’s filled with great tips you can do today to start turning your love life around:

    If you’ve ever wondered why, despite being intelligent, witty, funny or pretty, you STILL experience:

    — A man telling you that he considers you a “friend” when you’ve been longing and pining away for him, or intimate with him

    — Relationships that never get past the first few weeks or months, before he starts losing interest or paying more attention to his work, hobbies or friends than you

    — The heartbreak of having a man break up with you because he says he’s not ready for a serious relationship, only to see him immediately start dating again, falling in love, and “getting serious” with another woman

    — If you find yourself feeling hurt and disappointed because you feel SECOND BEST to everything and everyone in a man’s life, simply because he’s just not that attached or devoted to you, and you have NO IDEA what to say and do to turn things around, I can help.

    In my Modern Siren program, you’ll learn specifically how to get to a man’s HEART.

    Not through his head– by being witty and a great conversationalist. That won’t get you anywhere deep with a man.

    Not by being sweet and generous, which never works to endear a man to you in the right way.

    Not through being great in bed, which doesn’t do anything to make him fall in love with you. Sex only serves to bond YOU to HIM, not necessarily the other way around.

  221.  #221Radlove on May 8, 2012 at 7:46 am

    I feel embarrassed posting a lot of this stuff. I do it because it helps me to be more objective and of course to grow more healthy emotionally. I find I easily operate out of my damage from childhood. When my brothers would gang up on me and exclude me from their activities, I would beg to be allowed to play. I know it’s grotesque, and the more I get this stuff out of hiding, the more I am able to see it clearly.

    So when I get it together, I intend to post the whole embarrassing conversation between R and me yesterday. My internet service was out all night and this morning.

  222.  #222Ella on May 8, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Hi FW and SM, and everyone.

    I am feeling very confused at the moment.

    Yes I am sure he was thinking that he can handle it and so no need to spend money on it.

    My boundary is/was that I would become exclusive with him if marriage was on the table AND he was sorting the drink issue AND seeing someone about it…

    Not that he never drink again although I feel confused about this. I think that to say never drink again is too much…

    However I know from last night that I am likely to feel totally freaked out, at least for now, when he does drink, even if it is just moderately.

    I feel unsure how to handle this.

    SMB in answer to your question I am not currently drinking. I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a drink in the last few months. Although there have been a couple of times when I have been out with friends and had a drink and he has come to pick me up…

    So I think I have double standards.

    I am still working out for me whether I am happy and wanting to never drink again.

    And at the moment I just don’t want to.

    I think I overreacted last night.

    He has not contacted me today and it feels icky.

    However I still hold to the fact that we had an agreement and he hasn’t held up his end in terms of going to see someone.

    I think I might lean forward and e-mail him…

    I dunno.

    I want to say that I know I over reacted.

    Oh, bearing in mind that I also made him do another dru8g test the other day cus I was feeling paranoid and he passed.

    So I feel very worried that I am just being too much.

    And this whole issue is just so triggering to me.

  223.  #223Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 7:55 am


    How about you change the story about your past. It is over and you have the chance to have a new story starting RIGHT NOW.

    We ALL have events in our childhood that left us damaged in some way, but we have to get over them, or we will be stuck forever more.

    What about if you don’t post the whole convo with R, what about if you put it on the back of your horse.

    Do you want to post it to humiliate yourself in some subconsious way? Do you want to be berated and scolded by the other Sirens? Do you maybe like the attention you get as your life holds so little now because of being unemployed?

    So why don’t we/you forget about this past convo with R, put it and him on the back of your horse and let’s talk about your FUTURE.

    How and when are you going to CD? How’s the job hunting going? What about the semi Atkins/fruit diet you were doing?

    How about focusing 150% on Radlove today in the here and NOW?

  224.  #224Ella on May 8, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Possible message to contact him

    “Hey hon.
    I probably over-reacted last night.
    I just felt totally freaked out.
    I am sorry.
    And I do feel weird, because we had an agreement. That I would be exclusive with you, and you would sort any drinking issues, including seeing someone.
    I feel a bit confused with it all 🙁 x”

    I expect I probably shouldn’t… I know its leaning forward.

    I feel unsure.


  225.  #225Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 7:58 am

    #221 Ella

    I would be pretty pi$$ed off if somebody asked me to take a dru*g test and I knew I didn’t take dru*gs.

    It seems to be controlling at worst and untrusting at best.

    What do you think?

  226.  #226Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 8:00 am

    #212 FW

    She says when she tried to talk about going to live in Oz he clams up. I feel I should support her in some way, she is my friend and I have known her for some years, it’s just sheer co-incidence we both ended up living back here when we knew each other in Oz.

  227.  #227Ella on May 8, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Urghhhh. I have a headache.

  228.  #228Emerson on May 8, 2012 at 8:02 am

    220 SilverMoon I like what you said in this post to Radlove.

    I’m trying to do the same thing myself, focus on my future and not my past and ghosts that want to live in my head!

    I talked to a family member yesterday about some of my frustrations and just let it all out and I felt so much better after not holding it in….

    I am just taking things one day at a time…

  229.  #229lk on May 8, 2012 at 8:02 am


    a couple years ago i accidentally cut the side/top of my pinky off…. & i was enrolled in all english classes (so heavy on writing)… LOL & i just remember sitting in my dorm’s common room for hours & hours using voice recognition software to “type” up my papers…. & i just felt so silly & inefficient & it was too funny to have to keep going back over & over again when the voice recognition software couldn’t understand anything i said…

    you are brave about the sutures ! i got so mad i asked the doctor if i could use his tools & do it myself LOL because he made a joke i didn’t like…. he actually let me do it myself !!! LOL…. i suppose that Super Masculine energy comes out when I do not feel Trusting that the Male will Protect Me….

    but now it is all healed ! if you look at it at a certain angle, you can tell i sliced the side of it off LOL… it kind of looks like an optical illusion : ) …. & the scar tissue only bothers me when i draw for a long time and let it drag on the paper…

    (((((((((fingers)))))))))) you will heal all up & love your fingers even more for their Fortitude : )

  230.  #230Ella on May 8, 2012 at 8:04 am


    Yes. I agree.

    It was bad.

    I don’t feel good about it.

    And just to give the other side he was doing drugs when I met him and also lied to me a few times about the drinking.

    So yeah.


    But its done now.

  231.  #231Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 8:05 am

    #215 AG

    I think her guilt is distorting her rational thought processes you are right.

    I will try and phone her, she can’t come at weekends as she mostly works them (nursing) and she said if she were to come here on a free weekend he would get “moody.”

    I might take a few days of my annual leave and see if she can get down here mid week to get some head space and her thoughts working more clearly.

    She can use me as a sounding board though whether she will “listen” is another story………..

  232.  #232Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Ella saying you “probably” overreacted suggests to me that you are second guessing yourself and does not come across as authentic to me. Like allowing yourself an escape hatch while being the righteous judge over him.

    I know you want to reach out to do damage control but your posts suggest to me that maybe things should be focussed on you right now to understand why you overreacted, what you were feeling, what you are feeling and what you need. Maybe admitting to yourself that you really don’t know or understand what you should be requiring of him or possibily if this requirement is realistic. Or if he has the option to fulfil the requirement the way he sees fit. Because it is his life.

  233.  #233Ella on May 8, 2012 at 8:10 am

    FW no I do think I overreacted.

    But I was trying to avoid the word ‘think’ as Rori suggests and could not think what to put so I used ‘probably’.

    I do feel confused.

  234.  #234Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 8:10 am

    I am learning to love my fingers lk. Particularly the one I disliked most of my life. I am also using clay that Zara suggested. I have not put it on the wounds as yet out of fear for what the doctor and nurse will say, but am putting it on the fingers themselves in the lower painful joints.

  235.  #235Radlove on May 8, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Ok, here are the texts with R from yesterday. Like I say below, I do not think we were in a relationship. But what I sensed is that he is far more interested in me than friendship. So that is the perspective from which I am coming. When our conversation is positive, it is far more in depth that that of casual buddies. There are many other reasons I believe he has been interested in far more than friendship, too.

    R: I don’t know what you want me to say, I never considered us to be in a romantic relationship even in the beginning. I NEVER asked you to be my girlfriend and I never wanted that. I think Delilah recommends a book for a situation like this, He’s just not that into you. I think you should check it out.

    B: I emailed you (second and third emails follow. The words, “Every; All; and deception” are bolded and huge):


    I give up: I acknowledge that i am in a losing battle. No matter WHAT I say, or how clearly I define it, using your own words, everything is turned into a means of you kicking me dead square on to my deepest wound in this life.

    I wonder if it is intentional or if you are intentionally missing my point every single time?

    YOUR quote said, ” “Every woman is a face of the Goddess. Every woman is a goddess and should be treated and made to feel that way. That which you do unto all women is that which you do unto the Goddess. Treat all women like gold without an ulterior motive purely because you love them, and they will love you.

    Do you really think I need to be told hundreds of times in hundreds of ways that I am not your girlfriend?? Do you really think I am that thick?? I feel angry, and this psychological abuse ends NOW.

    I hope you think twice before you read your quotes to another woman. The disparity is so huge that I sincerely do label it as deception.

    (Third email:)


    My purpose here is to hopefully spare any future women in your life of the hell I have gone thru, off and on, the past three years.

    In essence, what I am saying is:

    Fault finding does not effect change.

    Unconditional love does effect change.

    I am NOT trying to convince you to be my friend or anything else. Just saying I hope you think twice in the future before you say one thing to a woman and do another.

    The good times were really, really good.

    And the bad times were really, really bad.

    I will always love you.

    R: Did you send me a second email or are you talking about the one from this morning?

    B: A second one.

    R: I didn’t get it yet.

    R: I’ll check again later. What did it say?

    B: I was in the shower. It’s easier to email than text.

    R: I got the email, but they don’t come right away.

    B: It would have self so much better to discuss all this gently in person. Text is so impersonal, and I think text in itself is half the reason we have had such misunderstandings.

    B: A lot of the trouble boils down to the subtle sin of self protection. 

    R: Well, what is it you are looking for from me, honestly?

    B: I am wishing we had harmonious communication and reflecting on areas where it may have gone wrong, in hopes that my true constructive criticism may serve you in future interactions.

    B: And to learn better myself.

    B: I am wishing I hadn’t tolerated second class treatment like text only. It was a mistake.

    R: I’ll admit that is poor.

    B: ty

    B: One reason my relational skills didn’t develop normally is cuz I had mostly long distance relationships with men in prison. Long distance is not good for me.

    R: Well, if you think we are in a relationship, do I have to break up with you?

    B: DO YOU THINK I AM DENSE?? Each time you say something like that it feels like being kicked in the heart wound I had in July 2009. I feel so grossly misunderstood.




    R: I’m not. I NEVER have been. You misunderstand me so grossly.

    B: Well then please reread my communication from the last day or so. I feel like my complete communication was missed.

    R: I don’t have it anymore.

    B: I have been trying to communicate something for almost 3 years and I still don’t feel “got”.

    R: You’ll have to call me later then to explain.

  236.  #236Ella on May 8, 2012 at 8:14 am


    I don’t know what I require.

    Except maybe that he sees someone.

    To make me feel safe.

    Whether this is realistic and fair or not I don’t know but my feelings are pretty strong on this so I expect this is what I need whether reasonable or not.

    The rest is up for discussion.

    And again and again I am seeing I have issues with trust.

  237.  #237Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Maybe then leave out the focus on the action and focus on just the feelings. Maybe betrayal and wanting to check in with yourself to see how you were really feeling. Remembering how you felt when it initially came up and how you were feeling yesterday to see if anything has changed for you. Maybe this could help you be grounded in yourself if this comes up in the future again. Also helps you to check if he is the one you want in your life and if you want to keep experiencing these emotions. I would lay it all out.

  238.  #238light heart on May 8, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Let’s Laugh !!

    Jenna Marbles’ love hate relationship with food

    How Diets Work


    light heart

  239.  #239Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 8:27 am


    Just give it up.

  240.  #240Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 8:28 am

    I am responding to the text sharing though I am assuming you don’t want to hear my take.

    While reading “I DON’T THINK WE ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I HAVEN’T THOUGHT THAT SINCE JULY 2009” I hearing my inner judge, ruthless critic shouting “that is such a lie”. Our intentions on communicated through energy regardless of what we say out loud. Also reading the posts since I have been on this blog about being in a relationship with R, about how much love there is and seeing all the argumentative/explainey resistance around any suggestion around imaginary relationship I can understand why he can’t understand or believe the words.

    Everything else, seen and unseen, is telling him something that your words are not saying. This is lack of authenticity and not safe making.

  241.  #241Starla on May 8, 2012 at 8:32 am

    i am still just totally shocked that CF just poofed.
    I am not sure what to do. I guess wait it out and…

    Lose all hope that he will contact me.
    Move on.

    The thing is, I don’t want to move on. I want to work it out, and I don’t want to move on as a mind game to get him to miss me, since I’m not ready to move on.

    So I feel confused.

  242.  #242Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 8:33 am

    SMB her guilt might be distorting her perception. However you wanting to rescue her won’t be enough. She has to want this for herself.

    This is just a thought. Taking into consideration that you have tried to help your son and now your girlfriend how much of a caretaker role you tend to play out in your relationships. Also if it is kind of your way to do things so that you avoid focussing on your own feelings. Just a thought……

  243.  #243Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Starla I understand. The thing that is confusing to me is how to create my reality through my feelings. It seems what you just wrote is trying to create it through your logic. I am not sure how everything work so I am growing my willingness to admit “I don’t know”. What I am finding is that in being curious I am opening up myself to wonder about possibilities and trying things that don’t make sense. So I will keep wondering.

  244.  #244light heart on May 8, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Watching this Abraham video is really helping me
    with moving on, dumping all the toxic stuff that is hanging around and messing with my vibration. From not only the xbf, but new ones from online who promise you the moon, sun and stars and then poof, for whatever reason.

    “…That didn’t work out because that is not what I’m looking for. That is close to what I’m looking for, but that’s not what I’m looking for and I would so much rather hold out for what I’m looking for than to settle for something that is really not what I am looking for. Thank you Universe for taking care of that one….

    “….If it was a perfect vibrational match to what I am *really* wanting in a relationship, it would have stayed, so this is an opportunity to get really clear on what I want, and line up my energy.”

    “…that ‘s the Universe watching out for you, that’s the Universe keeping you from having to wade through things that you do not want ”

    light heart

  245.  #245Starla on May 8, 2012 at 8:44 am

    fw, i’m not sure what you’re saying. if i followed my feelings, i would call him up in a couple of weeks when i’ve purchased my car and say i’ve been thinking about his point of view and i would like to talk about it and i have a car now so he won’t be the only one driving an hour each way.

    but this ignores the fact that he is obviously unavailable emotionally.

    just don’t want to lose him:(

    i don’t see how cutting contact forever will ever bring him back to me. it’s a game.

    and i don’t know if i want him to come back, because the trust and safety is gone

    i’m just hurting, i guess
    and i needed to vent.

  246.  #246Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 8:46 am

    light heart, this is freaking funny! 🙂

  247.  #247Starla on May 8, 2012 at 8:47 am

    241 lightheart, that is really nice

  248.  #248Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Ooops, I mean the video you posted at 235.

    So many other posts in between…

  249.  #249light heart on May 8, 2012 at 8:49 am

    And I’m also doing some Margaret Lynch tapping videos, and I bought some new art supplies with a discount coupon I had, joined a new gym, am re-focusing on what I’m eating, adding more tools to my profession (which I love) box, have two dates lined up with guys I really want to meet because they sound like they are truly looking for a relationship, and I want to start this program too:

    I’m feeling SO much better than I have in weeks, since I suspected my xbf posed as someone else on a dating site and brought up all my old feelings for him. I sunk into and embraced them all, but,

    I’m very excited to have gotten past that!!


    light heart

  250.  #250Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 8:55 am

    #239 FW

    You hit the nail right on the head. I do try to help people, it’s in my nature.

    At the moment I am actually having quite good dealings with CD’s for the first time in quite a while. 🙂 And I have been pretty focussed on my feelings for a number of days now, tapping and crying and so forth.

    I mean I knew she had problems but not this bad and was quite shocked to get this humongous email this morning, maybe she was just processing her thoughts by typing them out to get some clarity.

    What do you think I should say to her FW?

    Just something like “I am here if you need to talk.” kinda thing and leave it at that?

  251.  #251light heart on May 8, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Francesca, glad you laughed at that!
    I almost peed my undies the first time I saw it, it’s so true!
    I love the little italian greyhound at the end !

    light heart

  252.  #252light heart on May 8, 2012 at 9:00 am

    And I also believe that the Universe does not send your perfect relationship until you are ready for it, so then I don’t needlessly spin around in my mind analyzing what I did and did not do wrong, or get stuck in feeling that I really messed it up and it got away, OMG!!, but I just keep doing what I know is right to do and keep the faith, baby

    light heart

  253.  #253Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Starla I would do that with a friend also. Maybe even try that with a romantic interest after 6-8 weeks. Simply because understanding of male psychology has proven that men tend to start really missing the ex after that time and start second guessing themselves, even at times whe they have moved on. Just that you take the risk of being rejected. Then again if you have moved on your vibe would be “whatever” so no response would not affect your self esteem.

    My earlier comment was a bit general about my learning about how the Uaniverse works. Most coaches suggesting getting a clear sense of your feelings around things you want in your life and the letting it go to the Universe to sort it out. Sasha Xarrian suggests having morning “pow wows” first thing in the mornings where you sink into wonderful feelings and cheer yourself on. Arielle Ford talks about feelizations. These to me are part of the “Secret” of the Law of Attraction. Also part of Rori’s teaching with visualizations and imagination. I don’t know how they work but I kind of try them on for size. I find I laugh/smile a lot easier now and am more relaxed in most of my relationships.

  254.  #254Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 9:07 am

    That is what I would do SMB. It might be something the Universe is sending you to help heal yourself by focussing on you in a new way. You can’t always carry everyone’s monkey on your back. I tend to be like this at my own expense. Sometimes I don’t even consider saying no and have operated in URGENT mode for years.

  255.  #255Mel on May 8, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Hey Ella,

    How about maybe…

    Hey hon,

    I’m feeling terrible about getting so angry yesterday. The truth is, the angry feelings were just covering up something deeper. I’m really just feeling so incredibly afraid. When you told me you had been drinking, I could feel my stomach drop and my legs felt all weak and wobbly and I felt a little shaky. It’s hard for me to communicate when I’m feeling that way, but reflecting on it I feel really uneasy and I don’t want to feel that way. Usually I feel so safe and comfortable and content with you, but yesterday, I felt all uprooted and i want to be planted firmly in the soil again. What do you think?

    🙂 Hope this helps…

  256.  #256Rori Raye on May 8, 2012 at 9:25 am

    lk – This list is amazing, valuable and helpful… to really use them well – get in touch with your body and your feelings before you mentally start searching through this database…keep it simple whenyou’re just starting out with Feeling Messages – sad, mad, glad, afraid….Love, Rori

  257.  #257Radlove on May 8, 2012 at 9:34 am

    THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!! AN OIL TRUCK JUST PULLED UP AND STARTED FILLING MY OIL TANK!!! I had applied for heating oil and electric assistance in NOVEMBER. I got $300 toward electric last month, which left me with nearly a $50 credit after my past due balance was paid off!

    The notice from social services said I would not be getting any heating assistance at this time. Well surprise, surprise!!! The oil delivery man was very nice, like a comedy type guy. He seemed very pleased to tell me how I was getting the oil. LOL! Dude, they are giving me 200 gallons, about $800 worth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This will take me thru about 2/3 of the winter next year! What a relief! What a blessing!

  258.  #258Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 9:36 am

    #219 Sun Goddess

    I have just been listening to Byron Katie on youtube, just type in jealousy Roger and see if you can get anything out of BK’s perspective.

  259.  #259Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Radlove, that is an amazing gift from the abundant Universe. 😀

  260.  #260Radlove on May 8, 2012 at 9:43 am

    About $500,000 houses, I got a kick out of seeing that that was average or low in other areas of the planet! Yes, I’m sure that’s true. Well the house Yorky has is probably 4 bedrooms with huge, lavish rooms and gorgeous furniture with an inground pool and a beautiful rural neighborhood.

    That man is set up for a wife and children! His home is beautiful!

  261.  #261Radlove on May 8, 2012 at 9:47 am


    104 – “How many times will you keep explaining yourself, Radlove?”

    I thought I was responding to the other women. I wonder if you mean something beyond this?

  262.  #262Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Can’t say my home is lavish but I have a total of 5 bedrooms with 3 bathrooms. Please don’t allow lavish to overshadow the “feelings”.

  263.  #263Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Mel everytime I read your FMs I find myself wishing I could attach you to my body. You are sooooo good at them.

  264.  #264Starbright on May 8, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Rori is so amazing!!!

    Debbie – there’s nothing to do, no changes to make – except you getting OUT OF THERE! Meaning – change “friends” to social acquaintances. Don’t sit with him, don’t go out with him. Dump him cold. Until you start Circular Dating and ignoring men who act like this, you’ll never know what it feels like to have lots of men interested in you. It’s just your fear of being loved that’s keeping you stuck here. For some men, having a girl around, lying around watching TV – even without sex (for many men, sex is practically irrelevant) is all they need and want. You are giving him all he needs and wants. This is as far as it goes. Circular Dating this man would be practicing the Tools with him when you run into him at church. If things change for him – he knows where to find you – but I believe he’s already shown you who he is and what he wants with you. Love, Rori

  265.  #265Radlove on May 8, 2012 at 9:54 am


    241 – Hi there, I know my view is not popular on this blog. However, part of my perspective on just sending him one, innocent contact is that I have read hundreds of romance novels.

    Time after time, both parties were too proud to tell each other they valued each other after a silly argument. So they would go on and on in sadness and loneliness, longing for each other, until the end of the novel, when some event brought them together again, and they realized they both missed each other.

    So I say throw caution to the wind. It won’t be detrimental to send one little text or email after a month.

    I know, I know.

  266.  #266Mel on May 8, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Awwww…. thanks FW! That made me feel all smiley and a little proud even! 🙂

  267.  #267Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Radlove @ 261

    No, nothing beyond this.

    Except maybe…well, I got triggered when you sounded like you felt you HAD to explain yourself all over again, even if you said you had been doing it for the last three years, without him understanding.

    Now that you seem to have decided not to maintain contact with R, this question is obsolete.

  268.  #268Radlove on May 8, 2012 at 10:03 am


    223 – “How about you change the story about your past. It is over and you have the chance to have a new story starting RIGHT NOW.”

    Sounds good to me.

    “What about if you don’t post the whole convo with R”

    If I had read this post before I posted it, I wouldn’t have. The remainder of your post feels awful to read.

    “Do you want to post it to humiliate yourself in some subconsious way? Do you want to be berated and scolded by the other Sirens? Do you maybe like the attention you get as your life holds so little now because of being unemployed?”

    NO, NO, NO, AND NO. I feel shamed and pissed off reading this. I feel like saying F U. I thought we were supposed to feel free to use this as a growth journal. If that’s your and everyone’s opinion of me then I can just vamoose.

    You think I’m sitting here bored?????????????? No, I’m NOT. I can’t fu(cking function! I have a pile up of work to do to get my fu(cked up life in order and I can’t focus to do it. I come here to get my head straight, to heal, and to learn.

    I also have goals, like writing books, and I am just not coping with life well. I feel so grossly misunderstood. So what else is new????????????????/ I feel furious!

    “How and when are you going to CD?”

    I feel shut down and I feel like hissing at you that it’s none of your business.

    “How’s the job hunting going? What about the semi Atkins/fruit diet you were doing?”

    I already posted about these on the blog and I feel too shut down to reiterate.

  269.  #269Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Radlove, Starla already sent something to CF and he never got back to her.

    I feel that sending him something now could jeopardize all the work she has done in the last month.

    I can’t even imagine how Starla would feel if he ignored this “innocent” text one more time.

    Sorry for speaking about you in the third person, Starla.

  270.  #270Radlove on May 8, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I’m a fool for opening my heart in such a public place.

  271.  #271Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Radlove, you can’t focus on your own life because you are too focused on someone else’s life.

    Now that this is done and dealt with, is there any reason why you couldn’t find it in you to tackle at least 10% of all these projects you have? Say, in the next couple of days?

    No one here wants you to leave, we only want you to get better and start living for YOURSELF, not for someone else.

    Sometimes we need tough love, Radlove.

    I’m sure you know that already.

    You have hit rock bottom, now it’s time to get up and run with the ball.

  272.  #272Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Radlove, sometimes I feel the same way you describe in 270.

    Some days, I wonder what’s the use of all this when there are real dramas going on in the world, bigger than all of our own “little dating dramas”.

    Somebody, somewhere is hurting more than we do.

    I understand how frustrating it can be but if you come here, isn’t it because you want to share and ultimately find ways to get out of this hole you seem to be in?

    Would you rather deal with it all alone?

  273.  #273Starbright on May 8, 2012 at 10:17 am


    Tough love was what was coming up for me too.

    Tony Robbins was saying something on Oprah’s life class recently about how many times women are so careful with each other that they don’t help propel each other forward because of being too afraid to be honest. Not that being honest needs to feel bad.

  274.  #274light heart on May 8, 2012 at 10:17 am


    I feel you way too much in your head lately.

    Your energies are unbalanced. I would encourage you to take some time for yourself and explore various stress management techniques, like meditation, self-massage, listening to classical baroque music (which helps focus), get out in nature, breathing exercises, tapping. Pick a few and actually do them.

    Sometimes I take a break from the blog, and other on-line places, and I don’t worry about keeping up, when I feel too much thinking going on.

    light heart

  275.  #275Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Romance novels are fictional. Not true life reality. I have seen so many coaches write about how they have deluded us. Have women waiting around for prince charming to rescue them. Mostly ending in happily ever after. Fairy tales not reflective of reality. Maybe someones fantasy of how they believe romance “should” play out or how they wanted their life to play out.

    As some coaches have said, the Grimm Brothers lied to us. So have the romance novel writers. To be grounded in reality we have to pay attention to what is happening around us.

  276.  #276Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 10:25 am

    I also wonder what’s up with the “I am a fool” program that has been running for a while now.

  277.  #277Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 10:27 am


    Yes, you make a good point.

    The truth is sometimes hard to hear but it can also trigger a huge change in a person.

    I just hate to see Rad going thru the same motions again and again and somehow never quite reaching the breaking point which will eventually take her out of her present situation.

    I want to see her happy and confident.

    I want to see a total 180.

    I also think light heart has some great suggestions for her.

    I would add exercising, either walking her dogs or working out at home.

    Just something to keep her out of her mind and back into her body.

    I can totally feel her pain now but she’s the only one who’ll know when to make the right decisions for her.

    We can’t do that for her.

    All we can do is support her and show compassion.

    Again, sorry for speaking about you in the third person, Radlove.

  278.  #278light heart on May 8, 2012 at 10:28 am

    273 Starbright
    I agree with that. Sometimes my greatest movement forward has come when someone, especially my Dad, would say something tough to me that really angered me. I also experienced this with a female aerobics instructor years back. Usually my reaction would be, “oh yeah, well I will show everybody that it CAN and WILL be done!” which was just the catalyst I would need to get me going and into the right frame of mind. Anger can be very, very useful, (and even downright sexy, in romantic relationship, as Rori says), when used correctly. Tony Robbins and Abraham also talk about using anger as an energy. Anger is better than depression, but of course you don’t want to stay there. I also used to take a big plastic bat and beat on the sofa to get any toxicity from it out of my body.

    light heart

  279.  #279Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 10:29 am

    What’s that program, FW?

    Sounds silly…

  280.  #280Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 10:32 am

    light heart says:

    “I also used to take a big plastic bat and beat on the sofa to get any toxicity from it out of my body.”

    I like that! 🙂

  281.  #281light heart on May 8, 2012 at 10:32 am

    275 FW

    well-said, imo

    light heart

  282.  #282Emerson on May 8, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I feel at peace with Recycled even though I leaned forward and sent him a text and the last one I sent I did not get a reply.

    But I know eventually he will contact me.

    I kinda wish I hadn’t sent that text, but at the same time I kinda feel like *shrug* no biggie and I am not beating myself up over it.

    Live and learn.

    And as far as all the things Recycled and I have been thru thus far, one text to him that I “regret” is not going to “ruin” anything. BUT my awareness of how I feel around it and I don’t want to repeat that behavior of leaning forward is the important part…if I continued to do it then it COULD possibly drive him away further and I would feel lowered in value and he may feel turned off and distant…

    So I make the choice to focus on me today as I have part of the day off and I am going to get my NAILS DONE….yummy!! and put on a cute dress and meet a friend for lunch…and I have some big plans for some crafty projects I’m going to do this month…and possibly sell!

    Yay me me me

  283.  #283ReceivingGirl on May 8, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Hi Sirens!

    We had a big meeting yesterday and I was think how easy it is for me to circular date with my job. It’s basically a man’s industry.

    I get into work today to find this email.

    “It was good to see you at the meeting yesterday.
    I always get a little nervous when I talk to you, so please forgive my bumbling, mumbling, nerdy ways.”

    It would be a conflict of interest, but I thought that was cute.

  284.  #284CurvySiren10 on May 8, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Francesa, I think FW was referring to Radlove calling herself a fool frequently …when she regrets sharing stuff on the blog.

  285.  #285Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 10:37 am

    This article speaks to so many themes on the blog today.

    In my view, the label of ‘addiction’ doesn’t excuse anything. That’s because my definition of addiction is anything we do to avoid taking responsibility for our feelings and the resulting behavior.

    She was unwilling to take responsibility for defining her own worth, bringing herself joy, and learning to fill her own emptiness through her spiritual connection. Henry was addicted to alcohol to numb his feelings, and to withdrawal as his way of having control over not being controlled.

    Alicia and Henry’s addictions are the result of avoiding learning how to fill themselves with love from their spiritual source, so that they are not empty and needy of something external to fill them up and take away their pain.

  286.  #286Daria on May 8, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Radlove – when you say : ‘it won’t be detrimental to send him one lil text’

    I wonder if that’s the voice that speaks to you to give the ok to text.

    I also wonder about that and if it’s true for me. I will think on it more now.

    Also when u say ‘I know, I know’ I wonder what’s going on there. What are you feeling and believing there – seems something that could be heal’ed under that.

    It seems there’s a belief here somewhere under that.

    Like a special lil thing that is protected and wants to hopefully shine through.

    Bringing a man back temporarily using my masculine energy is not that great if he’s not finished the work on himself to be my partner. He will just leave again to do that.

    I will feel unsafisfied

  287.  #287Coco Kisses on May 8, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Hey Sirens….I have been MIA for a few days, but I’m back….I read his book called Mr. Unavailable & The Fallback Girl

    The most wonderful book about emotionally unavailable men and how to heal your own emotional unavailable issues…anyways, after reading and re-reading this book, it helped me realize that this marriage going south was not my fault, and that I wasn’t crazy…I called my husband yesterday and told him that I was willing to pay for half of the divorce, and that I wanted us to file right away, so I could move on and ge on with my life. Of course, he was sounding all sad like why do YOU want to get a divorce all of a sudden, this is so bizzare, wow, I mean we have soo many memeories together, all this ying yang he was talking, yet he never stepped up to say lets work this out, let’s get together….I’m happy I took this step, I’m not happy I’m getting divorced, but at this point it is what it is, and I just want to get this ISH over with so I can truly focus on healing and moving on without this looming cloud over my head. I have wasted to much of my emotions on a man who gave our dogs more love and affection than he gave me, didn’t pay bills, or do anything sweet, called me names, and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be with him………I’m done!!

  288.  #288Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Yes. I learned from Gay Hendricks that we all have some kind of program running. One way to identify it is to look at words we frequently use, stories we frequently tell about our lives, our childhood, our relationships. Looking at these and changing them can helps us change our reality. One babystep at a time. We can also get to see what we are resisting.

  289.  #289Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 10:48 am

    CoCo Kisses I feel your power.

  290.  #290Starbright on May 8, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Yes and thank-you Francesca and Lightheart!

    We can encourage each other to grow and be our best selves. Ultimately it is up to each person to choose best for herself and make changes where needed to create the life she most wants to live.

  291.  #291Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Paying for half the divorce reminds me of the sacrifice Gay Hendricks had to make to get his life back on track. The Universe repaid him in hundredfolds.

  292.  #292light heart on May 8, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Coco Kisses,
    That book really helped me a lot. It is very balanced,
    it gets you to take responsibility but also to see the reality in front of your face.
    light heart

  293.  #293Starbright on May 8, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Coco Kisses, you sound great!!!

    I too have read Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. There is much there to process.

    That feels great that you are ready to move forward even if it wasn’t what you were looking for. The Abraham Hicks youtube that Lightheart posted up above is really good. I think you may find a lot there for you too.

  294.  #294Starla on May 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

    RadLove, if it were truly innocent, then the text wouldn’t hurt.

    I’m not ready, though, and it wouldn’t be innocent.

    If I had been ready, perhaps I would have responded to his break up letter immediately and differently.

    I’m not ready, though. I want him to come back to me all the while I am knowing I’m just not ready.

    It’s a very confusing internal situation.

    I’m a roller coaster of emotions, just like I was when I was still dating CF, and I need to get to know my own roller coaster a bit better before subjecting anyone else to the ride when *i* don’t even know what’s going on half the time.

    That probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but it’s where i’m at.

  295.  #295Starbright on May 8, 2012 at 10:57 am

    light heart, Sorry I put your name all together!

  296.  #296Daria on May 8, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I will feel unsatisfied.

    It’s a short thrill of feeling my power to reach out and make it happen. I feel successful powerful thrilled.

    And then crushed humiliated sad when it doesn’t last.

    I just Feel Too Much to be the masculine energy.

    At some point, I’m learning I just don’t want to do that to myself anymore.

    I don’t need the high do much to put myself through the low.

    I’d rather build on myself do I can bring in men and highs without those lows, and bring in something sustainable, real, based on health and mutual accord.

    I feel the sadness I feels right now each and every time I’ve reached out to men.

    You think you’re desperate for Ryan… Well I hung out in a mans yard for years!!! While he was inside w his new Girlfriend that he told me he was gona get and did right under my eyes and I worked to sabotage that and when it did fall apart he still didn’t come to me. Oh my gosh.

    I’m just really getting that reaching out is a temporary fix.

    The yang energy can’t come from me to bridge the gap because if I fall back well fall apart again.

    The energy comes from the man and he’s energized and made happy by it and can keep on giving! Not like me depleting my yang energy that was for my family and loves and washing my hair.

    So yes I agree that Starla’s contact can bring him temporarily close. But that’s one rollercoaster rode for Starla and I’m thinking she’s going for the healthy stable relationship thing now.

    But what if I contact him once, and then he springs into masculine energy?

    I could be rockstar and poke him and fall back! And he’ll chase me!

    Could be…. Feels confusing if he has the energy for that why he didn’t to chase me already…. Hmmm

    I don’t have good success w this myself… The men I reach out to generally haven’t chased me after for very long

    And also – the issue – I’m pining! – I don’t want Daria to be pining!

    I want to heal and direct her attention and opening to let love in Now and be attentive to the love I’m receiving, or I’ll be in this piny addict mode.

    I don’t want to be addicted even if I can get the drug.

    I have some strength and skills to shake off and heal my addiction and Really be healthy not just temporarily high.

    Most of us have been trained – like Rori says – w ‘Pain and Stillettos’ – symbolizing love… And it’s not that at all!

    That’s just addiction!

    Real love is healthy feeling and lovely.

    Training myself to heal’ed addiction to pain and stillettos. I know it really looks like love to me, that sexy high… But it’s cuz I’m now aware I was trained this way.

    Babysteps I will discover true love :). By caring for me. Loving me … What does that look like? That is what true live looks like those things I discover that go into ‘loving me.’

  297.  #297light heart on May 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Starbright, no prob,
    also, it is Luzydel who first posted that in this thread

    light heart

  298.  #298Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 11:08 am

    3. As you go about your life being filled up, you must keep your heart open to him so he feels welcome to come to you. (It’s really important to remember – no matter how hard it is – that HE must come to YOU, not the other way around (and he will).

  299.  #299Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Yes, powerful Coco!

  300.  #300Coco Kisses on May 8, 2012 at 11:23 am

    @ Feminine Woman…TY it always feels great to hear what you have to say….I’m really focused on journaling, figuring out why it is I’m 34 and haven’t had one single MUTUALLY satisfying love relationship. Listening to and loving my inner warning voice………as Jessie1000 put it, divorce is like a punch in the face, and it is. I will be hinest enough to say, I feel rejected right now, I feel double rejected, because not only did my husband leave, but when he was here, we didn’t even have sex, infact our entire marriage was pretty much sexless (after reading Mr Unavailable & he Fallback girl, I realize why). I feel jealous, because I know he’s probably having sex, while I'[m here not having sex, and yes I know I could have sex if I wanted to, I just don’t feel good about having a casual sexual relationship with anyone, I feel it would be counterproducive to what I say I want, and until I heal, I could possibly find myself in another undesirable romantic situation, so legs closed for now….but I won’t lie, I feel sexually frustrated…just pray that my forever guy has a VERY HIGH sex drive, to make up for all the years without sex…LOL

  301.  #301lk on May 8, 2012 at 11:23 am

    oooh daria ! i love thinking that i can’t be in masculine energy in my relationship… because i need it for other things ! : ))) love it : )))

  302.  #302Daria on May 8, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Regarding feeling messages: to anyone communicating with anyone…

    ‘I feel…’

    ‘I feel… What do u think?’

    ‘I feel… I don’t want… What do you think?’

    WILL work!!!

    If you’re in doubt try it. It will work. You will see . It Is magic and it works with every human.

    It’s like creating a state of peace healing and connection, and it will work.

    When something goes ‘off’ in my communication, I can trace it back to the exact moment I didn’t use a feeling message.

  303.  #303Daria on May 8, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Lk – lol… That IS why babe 🙂

  304.  #304Daria on May 8, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I feel judgemental of myself for that last post. I acted like I’m sooo smart – I am – and like I’m Right! And I don’t want to deal w that right wrong thing… I wonder what there is for me to heal here

    I feel something turning under this

  305.  #305Coco Kisses on May 8, 2012 at 11:35 am

    @ Feminine Woman

    RE 298…was that message for me?
    As you go about your life being filled up, you must keep your heart open to him so he feels welcome to come to you. (It’s really important to remember – no matter how hard it is – that HE must come to YOU, not the other way around (and he will).

  306.  #306Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 11:38 am

    CoCo It was a reminder to myself and to all of us. Just that something in your post and Starl’s reminded me of it.

  307.  #307Calypso on May 8, 2012 at 11:40 am

    So – I think I am going to use my feminine right to change my mind and not get on a plane to go meet JP afterall. I was all set to do it, but then something he said got me thinking . . . I HATE when that happens – lol.

    It was just a simple thing, but it then snowballed. I mentioned that I didn’t drink coffee and he said he didn’t either and that just seemed off to me. I went back and read his Match profile and on there, he made a big deal out of being a morning person and drinking half a pot of coffee – odd. So I re-read his profile again and found several other things that he obviously lied about. I mean . . . it’s an internet profile and I get that some people stretch the truth, but why just make stuff up when you are supposed to be looking for someone to romantically bond with? Bugs me . . .

    So – I tried to talk to him about something that matters (Who cares if he drinks coffee?) and since my mom is in a nursing home and not doing real well, I asked him if his parents were still alive – WOW! He got really weird after that. He said he wasn’t going to get into all of that until I could lean on him in person… I just said, “Ok” and left it at that. 30 minutes later he texted, “Do you want to have a meeting with me?” and I said, “Lol – what kind of meeting do you have in mind?” and he replied, “The kind where we see who can cause the most issues!”

    WTH? I did not reply. Later he texted, “Good night U” and I did not get that until this morning. No contact today. Whatever! We can obviously wait until he comes home at the end of July to continue that conversation and NO, I do not want to see who can cause the most issues – PASS.

    I was really just looking for a distraction from my feelings for GM anyway – too bad he couldn’t have acted “normal” a couple more weeks so I could have had a fun get-away with him. But now I know I won’t go. Once my radar kicks in, there is no shutting it off!

    bummer . . .

  308.  #308Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 11:40 am

    RE 304 Daria it might be your little miss knowitall Goddess wanting some love. I love her.

  309.  #309Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Calypso I would look in my comminication to see where I pushed his “defensive” button or disconnected from my feeling self. Maybe it was the probing question, getting into his business that triggered some memory of a previous relationship for him?

    I dunno. But it is good practice to see how you could tweak your own communiction.

  310.  #310Daria on May 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Femininewoman – I felt a sigh of relief reading about your fingers are healing. I feel shaky. I didn’t say much I don’t think I was feeling very scared.

    Something to notice for me there.

    I feel moved and good about myself that I care so much about your well being. I feel judgemental of myself for feeling good about me.

    :). Now I feel laughy!

    Hehe 🙂

  311.  #311Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Calypso one other thing I suspect, he might not be the kind of man who ALWAYS run off to his cave when things get derailed. So I would want to look at my style of fighting.

  312.  #312Calypso on May 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Thanks FW – I would not have even asked him that, but he knew I had just visited my mom and he texted me, “Howz ur mom” and I replied, “She fell last night and has me worried. Her condition and our way of dealing with it is complicated . . . ” and he said, “I’m here if you need to talk”, so i replied, “Thanks!” and a few minutes later, the question, “Are your parents still alive?” It seemed appropriate and better than, “Why did you lie about being a coffee drinker . . . ”

    i had staretd noticing that all conversations led to him talking about us getting naked, taking a shower together, etc . . . i mean – i like to flirt too, but before I get on aplane, i wanted to know we could connect in other ways. I wanted to tell him about losing my dad and engage in a conversation with him about something important to me.

    But you are right – I obviously triggered something and so did he. texting is the worst thing to happen to romance in the history of the world in my opinion, yet i continue to do it . . . insanity.

  313.  #313Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm



    Does Not mean: ‘acting the way your urgency is urging you to’

    This is actually really important to success w energy!

    Feelings do NOT have an action attached to them!

    They’re just sensations in the body that are ‘followed’ by being passively watched as they morph

    The next step is Choose your words

    It could be Choose your action

    Which in feminine energy is of of 2 things:

    Staying still


    Moving back


    Oh and while doing those also the actions of: expressing and sharing which goes easily under ‘Choose your words’

  314.  #314Starbright on May 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm


    While I do internet date and find it extremely useful I know that at times too that people aren’t always what they seem.

    A very good friend of mine just had an intense three week romance online. When things turned to phone contact – he left a voice mail – she got an out of the country phone number on her phone. There were many things that didn’t add up when she really put it all together. And he had fallen in love with her! If things don’t seem to be adding up I would take it seriously (as it seems you have.)

  315.  #315Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Wow my date said he was loving my outfit yesterday!

    I was feeling judgemental of me! Wow opportunity

  316.  #316Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Calypso – texting is not so bad. Meeti h and dating feels way easier and better (for practicing). When it’s close short and low pressure.

    I feel glad you didn’t go!

    I’d meet some men for short coffee/ smoke / lunch dates now…

    And if they wana fly in that wd feel exciting!

  317.  #317Radlove on May 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm


    People like you are why people like me never get out of their shells.

  318.  #318Coco Kisses on May 8, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    @ Starbright RE 293…ty for the video, very encouraging

  319.  #319Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Thanks Femininewoman wow!

    Love to my know it all :). I love being seen as smart. I love being seen for my brilliance

    I feel scared and sad


    What if I turn into a tyrant telling myself stuff is Wrong! That doesn’t feel good!

    Ok to my feelings

    That IS right

    What I feel is actually

    Yeah I feel so connected and inspired getting that!



    That feels powerful and good to me!


    I’m feeling excited and shaky a bit

    (((( me. ))))

  320.  #320Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Moonbeam – what Radlove said is Not true.


  321.  #321Calypso on May 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Tx Daria! I do enjoy texting, except when things go south due to some mis-communication. At least on the phone you can hear tone and in person you can grasp context better, watch eyes, etc.

    I’m a flirt and I have lots of CD’s that I communicate with on text and have fun with and never have an issue, but every once in a while, with someone it really matters with – one of us gets the wrong impression and it’s hard to correct.

    Anyway – JP gave me access to his FB and his Linkedin and of course Match and the 3 do not add up including how many children he has, what college he went to and what he drinks in the mornings – lord knows what he has texted to me that was not true. I don’t need to get myself 10 hours from home and find out that my instincts were bad and I’m not comfortable with him – My son was right . . . darn it! lol, I’ll just tell him I decided to respect his wishes and watch him pass out from shock – lol

  322.  #322Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Radlove – no one can prevent you from getting out your shell. Not Ryan not moonbeam not a sadistic rapist.

    Alls you gotta do is take the babysteps and you’ll get there faster than you thought possible

  323.  #323Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Calypso – it may be hard to ‘correct’ however it’s a great opportunity to open up and ‘connect’ :). When a miscommunication happens.

  324.  #324Starbright on May 8, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Calypso: “JP gave me access to his FB and his Linkedin and of course Match and the 3 do not add up including how many children he has, what college he went to and what he drinks in the mornings”

    So good you found out beforehand!

  325.  #325Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Meaning its great to see how the man handles such a thing, and a great opp for me to practice both apologizing or expressing concern for his feelings (for once) lol in feeling messages .
    Oh wow I feel shocked! This feels bad I don’t want a miscommunication to drive us apart! I feel so good w u!

    I love that!

    It gets us even closer Mmmm


  326.  #326CurvySiren10 on May 8, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Wow Radlove, 317…lashing out toward SMB and not taking responsibility for your actions is quite childish. We are all responsible for our own growth and ultimately, our behavior. From my POV, SMB was simply being frank with you from a place of caring. Someone else referred to “tough love”. Never easy to take, but always valuable if taken in the right spirit.

    Take a step back if you can and see how this feels if you too adopt that point of view. No one on earth is responsible for your behavior and/or your decisions except for YOU. And that goes for every single one of us.. despite our traumas, our histories, our hurts.

  327.  #327Calypso on May 8, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    daria – Ur funny! If he contacts me again I will try that – I will laugh and think of you!

  328.  #328Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    I want to be taken care of in the morning , that’s y I do t want my husband on morning shift if he’s goin out the house.

    I want attention massage help w my grooming, food made for me , smoke, and probably sex in the morning wen I wake up

    Hehe 🙂

    Yay for discovering!

  329.  #329Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Oh calypso I didn’t mean w this guy! I feel scared of him

  330.  #330Starla on May 8, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    i don’t want to be single:(
    i want my forever knight in shining armor
    i am not ready yet though:(

  331.  #331Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Curvy siren – I feel angry to see a siren being put down (behavior called childish in a shaming way).

    I feel bad also seeing the comment to SMB.

    Great opportunity for all of us to Choose our words.

    I wonder what your post wd look like in feeling messages

    Thinking back my own posts were not in feeling messages though I didn’t feel blaming writing them.

  332.  #332Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Curvy siren – sorry for ‘making you wrong’

  333.  #333Jilly on May 8, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Daria…@313 brilliant…loved this!

  334.  #334Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:45 pm


    Whoa I feel Mac rasping that this is quite childish!

    I feel scared I’m not honoring the intent of sharing and loving and healing of the post.

    I feel sad now.

    I feel whiny!!!

    I don’t want sirens called childish!

    I don’t feel good w that.

    I’m feeling all scared of attack now (old stuff)

    I’m safe! I’m gossamer paper w mysteries written on me !

  335.  #335CurvySiren10 on May 8, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    It’s okay Daria. You may be right…I should have chosen my words more carefully and spoke more in feeling messages, you’re right. I feel hella triggered when people blame others for things that are their responsiblity to “own”. It feels very bad to me, but I can’t really project that to others… something for me to learn.

  336.  #336Starla on May 8, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    I am so alone:(
    no family
    no long term man
    i miss cf:(
    i adored him:(
    everyone keeps saying “oh he’ll be back.”
    yeah? it would make me (or my ego?) feel better.
    But I am not counting on it.

    please don’t judge me for venting here. i’m not leaning forward in actuality. just energetically. i would like to heal that, too.

  337.  #337Starla on May 8, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    and CF still shows up in my 8 top friends box, even though i haven’t looked at his page in over a week and haven’t interacted with him on FB since december. I have 470 other friends to put there, damnit, fb!!!

  338.  #338Jilly on May 8, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    So…I’m feeling so many feelings…happy, sad, anxious, good…

    Rugby Man left for a seeding contract on Saturday…

    he let me know when he was leaving town…when they stopped to sleep and good morning baby, on Sunday…

    I know they are out in the boonies…I haven’t heard from him and my NV’s are really trying to bring me down…

    I keep re-telling good feeling stories…I know once he has service he will contact me….

    it actually rocks my world how “easy” it is to tell negative, bad feeling stories even when there is NO reason. He is supposed to be gone for 10 days!!!

    I feel soooo grateful that I can recognize when I’m telling stories that don’t feel good and turn it around.

  339.  #339lk on May 8, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    starla, you aren’t alone : ) you have friends & co-workers & men & women & bloggers : )))

    a few months ago i was having a bad day… just literally sobbing in the parking lot of a gas station…. & a woman came up to me & asked me if i was OK & she gave me a hug & told me that “men can just be like that” LOL & i did feel better & i do feel better & now nothing even similar to that is happening to me. i feel really far away from that pain that made me cry a million moons ago.

    so… yes, you are not alone : ) & yes, even if you were alone, you could have Connection & Help…. & yes, you will feel much better : ))) (((((((Starla)))))))

  340.  #340tootle on May 8, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    I never in my life seen such a loving crowd. Everyone’s being so honest and real. I wish once in my life that i could of been honest with the love of my life. Now he’s moving on about to get married has a new wife. It hurts in the inside to know that a man so sweet,your partner heart and once bestfriend is leaving because of your lies that destroyed something that once was so good together. I can say to everyone that i haven’t learn’t from my mistakes,because i have! The young lady in the letter should encourage her man to get better.We only have one life to live. low blood is a serious disease so is drinking. Humans at times don’t know how to stop, because of their depression, the only way out is to seek immediate attention. Depression is painful, nobody needs to be around that. It is up to the individual to handle their problems alone, until their mind gets right mentally. If! that ever happens again. Some people fall into a deep depression never recovering.

  341.  #341Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 12:56 pm


    Could you take a few days off from work to go somewhere to relax and recharge, perhaps?

    I don’t know, it feels to me as though you’re at the end of your rope.

  342.  #342Daria on May 8, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Yay Jilly I feel happy!

    Goo know it all brilliant Confident Daria I love AND trust you and I am in charge to discover my feings and choose my words

    High 5 !

  343.  #343Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Curvy siren – thanks for your peaceful and loving response! I feel moved reading it! I appreciate your speaking up and sharing healing and I don’t want to blame you, I want all of us to feel encouraged to Babystep EVEN if we ‘hurt’ others as part of our practicing opening up

    Same for rad love and moonbeam actually

    And me

  344.  #344Starla on May 8, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Francesca, I took yesterday off and spent it with my best friend.
    It helped a lot.
    No days off until Memorial Day (end of May)
    I’m also really hormonal pms-y right now, so i feel super needy and lonely at this time.

    i’m not a stupid or dense girl…i dated him for 9 months and I STILL don’t understand the “poofing.” I didn’t do anything to prompt it. I would really have appreciated some communication about the poofing. The only time I’ve poofed without communicating about it first was when there was something unsafe involved.

    I dunno

    I just… *pout*

    I’m in the soup today, I suppose.

    I hope that’s okay and I don’t get jumped on for not moving on fast enough. *eyes the crowd* hehehe

  345.  #345Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:02 pm


    Ur growing magnificently times 10

    It’s ok to feel horribly alone 🙁

    I feel connected w that.

    I love you.

  346.  #346Jilly on May 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    on another note…I feel really blessed and happy with what I have going on in my life!! 🙂

    I have been manifesting like crazy!!

    I love my business!!, my school!!, and on Saturday I was offered a job to do weight loss coaching at this place called Body Contouring…I LOVE it when people find me and OFFER me jobs (that I am passionate about) and such without me DOING anything!! 🙂

    I have been wanting a breast augmentation…that’s manifesting nicely…

    ….and I might do a bikini competition….I’m just waiting to feel totally lined up with it…

    so I have plenty going on…

    I feel vulnerable sharing about the breast augmentation…I have wanted one for so long…

  347.  #347Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Radlove I love you anyway as pi$$ed off as you may be at me, I love you and think you are an amazing woman if only you could see it for yourself as we see you.

  348.  #348Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Ok is of helpful if I say that I think cf living w that female best friend – has actually feelings for her – and her having a non fem energy in her relationship gives him the opp to care for her when she’s upset and also take her advice – which may be ‘oh that girl doesn’t like u or she’d be in masculine’ and …

    Well that’s what I think happened I think he has feelings for that girl, not enogh stability in himself to provide a household atmosphere for a family

    So is looking to be in a lala gf bf thing the way that girl has until… It crashes down or she becomes available so he can try w her again (subconsciously)

  349.  #349Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    You’re moving at your own rhythm, Starla and that’s just the way it is supposed to be, I reckon.

  350.  #350Starla on May 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Thanks, Daria. I am growing…and it feels very very very uncomfortable and almost like I don’t want it. Even though what awaits me on the other side is quite magnificent.

  351.  #351Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Starla I keep getting triggered everytime I read “I adored him”. My inner voice says “blech”. I wonder if men want us to adore them? I wonder if that was what pushed my ex away? I wonder if he didn’t want to feel worshipped? I wonder if I can adore myself?

  352.  #352Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Starla you are such a cutie.

  353.  #353Starla on May 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Daira, that was very hard to read about his friend but it’s probably at least halfway true.

    they have a miserable marriage and i don’t doubt that she was a ‘bad’ influence on our nice relationship.

    and it’s also none of my business so i don’t go down that rabbit hole of worrying about that.

  354.  #354Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Radlove you have no idea of how much I have put up with in my life, no idea at all, but when I see a lovely person as you are, then I KNOW when I see one.

    PLEASE stop lashing out and beating up on yourself.

    We/they are not here to hurt you, we are your true friends.

  355.  #355Jilly on May 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Calypso…that feels strange…yikes! I would practice communicating about it.. 🙂

  356.  #356Starla on May 8, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    This is a guy who considers skipping his own step brother’s wedding (whom he just lived with and his fiance for over a year! It’s not like they’re just not close) because he doesn’t “think they’re ready” even though she’s pregnant and they’re doing it with or without him.

    I don’t want this guy!
    He is a hard-ass!
    What a b*tch!

  357.  #357Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Nonono! That is OLD way of thinking. I’m so glad I’m seeing this!

    It’s a way to get control – THIS is what’s happening –


    I do this w my own men. Omg. So glad I’m seeing this I want to heal and shift this!

    Starla I’m feeling so glad and inspired in how you just said no to it! Thank u!

  358.  #358Starla on May 8, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    oooh I got a 98% on my oral chinese final and an A in the class. I’m good 😀

  359.  #359Starla on May 8, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Daria, just said no to what? you mean saying no to worrying about if there’s something going on in his head about his best friend?

  360.  #360Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Starla – who is that guy?

  361.  #361Starla on May 8, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    i don’t want him

  362.  #362Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Starla – yes saying no to worrying Abt that what I just said and what dynamics are goin on w other ppl. I just realized I get energy and pleasure then pain from doing that w many if not most or all my men


    Getright, ‘oh I know what’s going on… He musta just broken up w his gf, he’ll be gone again soon’

    And it actually attracts that TO happen!


  363.  #363Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Yay for A!

  364.  #364Starla on May 8, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    that guy is CF, Daria!
    He was like that!
    He was very non judgmental in a lot of ways, but on the other hand, he was very very very judgmental. A total hardass. Didn’t want to go to his own brother’s wedding because he thought they were rushing it (together 9 months before getting engaged). So what? They’re getting married and everyone is going to be there, so stop being a hard-ass and just go.

    Ugh, I don’t want him.

    It feels so weird to say.


    I will take something different, Universe, thank you.

  365.  #365Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    In a way that guy not going to the wedding reminds me of my dad.

    I practice appreciating and respecting his integrity at standing for his truth no matter what.

    Sometimes it feels terribly bad to be treated /talked to in a certain way when hes standing for his truth, and I believe in his ingeniosity to come up w new ways to stand for his truth that feel better (even wen he doesn’t believe in himself). I do and it’s working!

  366.  #366Starla on May 8, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    oooh now i want to throw out everything that reminds me of him, lol.

    such a shame his family gave me such nice gifts.

    they probably really wanted him to grow the eff up and keep a woman around for once, too.

  367.  #367Starla on May 8, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Daria, I don’t think it’s cuz CF didn’t believe in their relationship.

    He said they were very very happy and he’s never seen them unhappy.

    I think CF couldn’t stand up enough for himself to insist that his brother help with more of the bills when they lived together since his lady lived there for free.

    And he grew to resent them

    Like everyone else he doesn’t communicate to

    And then he avoids their happy times as punishment to them.

    I’m just venting to feel better. None of this is actually important.

  368.  #368Iamabutterfly on May 8, 2012 at 1:40 pm


    You are so beautiful and I am a fool
    to be in love with you
    is a theme that keeps coming up
    in songs and poems.
    There seems to be no room for variation.
    I have never heard anyone sing
    I am so beautiful
    and you are a fool to be in love with me,
    even though this notion has surely
    crossed the minds of women and men alike.
    You are so beautiful, too bad you are a fool
    is another one you don’t hear.
    Or, you are a fool to consider me beautiful.
    That one you will never hear, guaranteed.

    For no particular reason this afternoon
    I am listening to Johnny Hartman
    whose dark voice can curl around
    the concepts on love, beauty, and foolishness
    like no one else’s can.
    It feels like smoke curling up from a cigarette
    someone left burning on a baby grand piano
    around three o’clock in the morning;
    smoke that billows up into the bright lights
    while out there in the darkness
    some of the beautiful fools have gathered
    around little tables to listen,
    some with their eyes closed,
    others leaning forward into the music
    as if it were holding them up,
    or twirling the loose ice in a glass,
    slipping by degrees into a rhythmic dream.

    Yes, there is all this foolish beauty,
    borne beyond midnight,
    that has no desire to go home,
    especially now when everyone in the room
    is watching the large man with the tenor sax
    that hangs from his neck like a golden fish.
    He moves forward to the edge of the stage
    and hands the instrument down to me
    and nods that I should play.
    So I put the mouthpiece to my lips
    and blow into it with all my living breath.
    We are all so foolish,
    my long bebop solo begins by saying,
    so damn foolish
    we have become beautiful without even knowing it.

    -Billy Collins

  369.  #369Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I appreciate excitement in a man and inspiration/intelligence/cleverness too. I want this in a way that feels good about myself. Yum 🙂

  370.  #370Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    It felt so good to see my parents giggling together yesterday afternoon. It may be the first time I heard that like ever that I remember.

    This was after my mom blew up and expressed her anger the other day and said No to some stuff. She blew up but since she leaned back I bet it Helped!!!

    Babysteps to believing everything is healing.

    My mom is a powerful woman to keep my dad committed I Know he doesn’t want to leave her he he yay I got that in me now to heal and evolve to happiness.

  371.  #371Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    There was cooked food breakfast waiting for me!!

    Starla – oh seeing it that way I feel judgemental and turned off too

  372.  #372Daria on May 8, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    That felt tingly Lama thank you for sharing

    I love nightclubs being out at night and the romantic exciting dark flashy contrasting intense and pulling in atmosphere of it

  373.  #373siren song on May 8, 2012 at 2:04 pm


  374.  #374siren song on May 8, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    guy who loves me started emailing me this morning. i responded with ‘i wants’ ‘i don’t wants’ and FMs. and then leaned super-way back.

    i am cding an old friend of mine who used to be into me tonight after work.

    i rock.

  375.  #375Starla on May 8, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    i feel disappointed with myself… my not contacting cf hasn’t been about me and getting MYSELF together, but about hoping this will pull him back to me.


  376.  #376Starla on May 8, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    thank you, ladies, for showing me support yet another day:)

  377.  #377Daria on May 8, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Realizing : it’s better for me to not have female friends around cux then I get in my masculine energy and start worshipping them putting them on a pedestal ABOVE me and not feeling as worthy w men .

    I want to heal this

  378.  #378Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Dear Soulmate Manifestors,

    For those of you who don’t feel you are organically meeting potential dates, I want to suggest that maybe it’s time for you to try something new (and fun)!

    You make the first move.

    What? Yes YOU!

    An important part of practicing the Law of Attraction comes from the word attraction….can you see the word “action” in there?

    One of the fastest and easiest ways to be in “action” is to consciously practice flirting every day. Flirting is a playful way to engage someone in conversation and it can be done in a friendly, not necessarily sexual manner.

    If you are having an adverse reaction to the idea of flirting, think of it this way – it’s networking for your romantic life!

    Before you try this out on someone you are super attracted to, I suggest spending a week “practicing.”

    Make a commitment to compliment 3 strangers a day. These strangers should be of the approximate age and gender that you are seeking. Whether you find them at work, on the bus or subway, in line at the bank or Starbucks, the elevator or the grocery store, strike up a little communication. Here’s how:

    Make eye contact
    Try a simple compliment such as:
    ” I love the color of your shirt, it really makes your eyes pop.”

    “Wow, great watch, I really like the style.”

    “Great shoes!”

    Be friendly, open, and don’t have any expectations.
    The point is just to open a door and see what happens. They may simply say thank you and ignore you or they may return the compliment or perhaps start a conversation with you.

    Does this really work?

    I have a friend who was shopping for melons at Whole Foods and asked a guy if he knew the secret to selecting a ripe one.

    They’ve been married for years now.

    Give a try and let me know what happens.

    Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,


  379.  #379Starla on May 8, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    this might be a good time for me to go ahead and change my hair completely.

  380.  #380Starla on May 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    ugh, faux etymology! attraction is NOT based on the word action.

    but it’s a cute opener for an article:)

  381.  #381siren song on May 8, 2012 at 2:39 pm


    yes! change everything!

  382.  #382Daria on May 8, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Attr-action. – pulling in of an action?

    At – traction

    Pulling gripping traction to pull

    To pull towards

  383.  #383Daria on May 8, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Attr-action. – pulling in of an action?

    At – traction

    Pulling gripping traction to pull

    To pull towards

    Maybe I’ll say to men I feel so turned on by u

    Rather than I feel attracted to u

  384.  #384Daria on May 8, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    I planned to do grooming for me and now I feel all lonely

    It’d feel better to go out and smoke

    And it feels better to sit and read and write


    And I also feel sad

    I feel dissapointed I’m not doing my beauty stuff

    I don’t want to do mu beauty stuff

    I feel sad

    I just tapped on this conflict!

  385.  #385Jilly on May 8, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    yes…attraction is NOT about action… 🙂

    speaking of action…I really really really really want to call *Sara who’s husband is working with Rugby Man and just “make sure” everything is ok…and so that she has my number incase anything happens…

    yep!!!! BUUUUUUUTTTTTT…..I’m not going to …I’m going to focus on my class and my life and when he contacts me I will mention how it would feel good to know that *Sara has my number …..

    this NON action makes me want to move my body all over and move this energy around

    I’ve CD’ed quite a bit today…I wonder where this is coming from??

  386.  #386Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    LP has been very ugly with me today. Finally I had to say that I was done trying to explain myself. He wants to get his stuff tomorrow when he knows I have a babysitter….I feel like he just wants to ruin my plans. I’m going to let him go on his way knowing I will be okay and better off even though it does sadden me since we have been together for over two years. Granted the last year or so has been rough.

  387.  #387Jilly on May 8, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    ((((((sun goddess)))))


  388.  #388Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    I want to get a haircut too.

    Like, really short so I won’t have to bother with the blowdryer in the morning.

    I wonder if the hairdresser who cut my hair before could do it properly.

    I have “special” hair, I think I’ve mentioned that before.

  389.  #389Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Awww, Sun Goddess, that sounds frustrating.

  390.  #390Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Hugs Sun Goddess just remember LiliBee

  391.  #391Siren Angel on May 8, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    (((Sun Goddess)))

  392.  #392Siren Angel on May 8, 2012 at 3:46 pm


    Do you really not want him anymore or are you jusr friggin furious at him and the situation? I would just caution to be careful of what you wish for… and stay open and receptive… is it makes any sense. I haven’T followed the posts very much, so I apologize if I am way off the situation.

    Maybe just aknowledge that strong anger feeling and move through it and then do something really nice for you keeping focus completely off of him. Whether it is positive or negative energy, you are giving him way too much of it.


  393.  #393Starla on May 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    ((((((((siren angel))))))))))
    I love your voice here, thank you.

  394.  #394Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    389, FW,

    What do you mean? You think he will come back?

  395.  #395Starla on May 8, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    In non-man news, I went to the gym on my lunch hour:) Now I will get home in time to get the laundry and dishes running in their respective machines:)

    And lots of time to relax and read.

    I feel proud of myself for continuing to work out and watch what i eat.

    I feel proud of myself for taking care of my skin

    I feel proud of myself for getting an A in Chinese!

  396.  #396Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Thanks Siren Angel, FW, francesa, and Jilly for your hugs and support.

  397.  #397Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    394, Sounds like a good day Starla!

  398.  #398Francesca on May 8, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Yay for your A!

  399.  #399Starla on May 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Thank you ladies! I can speak Chinese! Now that’s just crazy!
    I feel amazed with myself!

  400.  #400Siren Angel on May 8, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    @LK post 90, Wow, thank you for the list!!!

  401.  #401Siren Angel on May 8, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    @Starla post 394, I feel so happy you are taking good care of yourself, no matter what. Taking care of yourself feels good.

  402.  #402Siren Angel on May 8, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    @Angela post 149,

    If an insecure guy thinks you are too perfect, yes he can pull away. Rori tells the story of one woman to whom it happened and he went for a woman so much less than her. Thats, why expressing ALL your feelings including more negative ones (caution here: calmly, no drama, no explaining without him asking, ect) can make you seem so real and connected. example: I feel sad, I feel a little scared, I feel dizzy, I feel tired, I feel upset, I feel dissapointed)

  403.  #403Layla on May 8, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Thanks for your response to my post #160 – it makes a lot of sense – I am in his business and making excuses for why I’m not getting what I need. I need to keep leaning back without closing off. Or maybe I do need to close off. What do you think about a man who is resentful when a woman tries to CD herself and take care of herself. He gets mad instead of stepping up.

    You also had some other good posts that really made me think/feel. # 286 and Bringing a man close using masculine energy is not great, he’ll leave again if he’s not ready. Or when you try to fall back into your femine energy. This has happened to me so many times. You can’t fake the feminine energy, you have to really feel it. Its harder to be feminine than masculine for me.
    #296 – you wrote about the the thrill of power of making things happen but then its a crash when it goes away. I can always meet men and be really forward and get them to call me and respond to me but it doesn’t work out when I do that. When I use my masculine energy to bring in a guy or to deal with my main guy. I never realized how much I enjoyed that power of making things happen and how uncomfortable it is for me to sit and wait.

    Well thanks Daria

  404.  #404Daria on May 8, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Layla – when a guy gets mad about Circular Dating – that is GOOD!

    thats what you WANT! him getting ANGRY in this instance is awesome!

    you want him to be mad, and stick to your guns, remain open

    if he asks you for exclusivity, give him the ‘no gf’ speech

    “i want to be married… i don’t want to be exclusive with anyone so that i can have my options open to meet lots of people until a man wants something serious with me and proposes”

    his anger is showing that he cares about you!

    you have the work of getting comfortable taking care of you and holding your boundaries even when a man gets angry

  405.  #405Daria on May 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    Starla – so hey after this class, can you really speak Chinese?

  406.  #406Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Is it okay for me to ignore him for a while until he stops being hurtful???

  407.  #407Daria on May 8, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Sun Goddess – yes. and it’s ok to put his stuff outside in a box to pick up.

    and its ok to tell him its not available to pick up at so and so time, and what time it is available

  408.  #408Daria on May 8, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Starla – i mean after this one class, is it enough to hold a whole conversation? i would feel curious to learn

  409.  #409Healing Waterall on May 8, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Hi Radlove
    I finally figured out where you went to…..
    just saying hi…

  410.  #410R.N.AmazingMe on May 8, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    Yay!! I got the job!! My boss is a cool guy and I cannot wait to start working:) Making the real money for my family. I am blessed!!

  411.  #411Femininewoman on May 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Congrats RN

  412.  #412Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Oh no, I’m caught in this yucky back and forth thing with LP.

  413.  #413Sun Goddess on May 8, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Oh man, I feel like saving it…..I need help stopping myself!!!

  414.  #414Angela on May 8, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    Thanks Siren Angel for your comment #401

    Yesterday after asking the sirens about expressing myself in feeling messages. We texted and I let him know how I felt in FM’s. I just wanted us to communicate more becuase I wasn’t feeling thought of and he said ok, he thought about me alot even at work with his busy schedule but he would try harder to communicate with me.
    Today he texted me and we ended up texting for 3 hours. I am blown away with these FM’s. I literally just put it out there to him, relaxed and didn’t worry about it and at about 1030am today he began texting. I am feeling so happy and excited about FM’s.
    I still feel awkward using them but it’s made a difference in less than 24 hours.

  415.  #415Angela on May 8, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    Thanks Siren Angel for your comment #401

    Yesterday after asking the sirens about expressing myself in feeling messages. We texted and I let him know how I felt in FM’s. I just wanted us to communicate more becuase I wasn’t feeling thought of and he said ok, he thought about me alot even at work with his busy schedule but he would try harder to communicate with me.
    Today he texted me and we ended up texting for 3 hours. I am blown away with these FM’s. I literally just put it out there to him, relaxed and didn’t worry about it and at about 1030am today he began texting. I am feeling so happy and excited about FM’s.
    I still feel awkward using them but it’s made a difference in less than 24 hours.

  416.  #416siren song on May 8, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    yay rn!

  417.  #417Angela on May 8, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Oh, Also Siren Angel,

    It’s true he does have low self esteem and its crazy because he is successful, handsome, well traveled, etc. but some of his comments surprise me when he says things that shoudn’t be said by someone in his situation. It’s like he’s a hard boiled egg, hard on the outside and soft and mushy on the inside.

  418.  #418Angela on May 8, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Congrats R.N.!!!!!

  419.  #419Siren Angel on May 8, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    LiliBee! I’m so happy to read things are going well with D 🙂

  420.  #420Siren Angel on May 8, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Angela, great about the texting! FMs really do work wonders.

  421.  #421Lily Medusa on May 8, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    Thank you both.

  422.  #422Angela on May 8, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    What I do when Sirens give me amazing advice is that I save it in my phone so that if I’m on a date and feeling bad, anxious or nervous about something I take a break, like go to the ladies room and read some of the advice to help me with the current feelings.
    The date never knows what hit him. I come back to the table with a completely different energy. I saved comment #401. I believe it will come in handy!


  423.  #423ReceivingGirl on May 8, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    @ 1118: blue rose previous thread

    “#967: ReceivingGirl

    yes, after telling him I was scared of going too fast we got into an argument when we were making out.

    I need to work on trusting my boundaries so that I don’t freak out all the time.

    I like the new name 🙂 ”

    Thanks. I feel bad hearing this. You expressed your feelings to him, he said it wouldn’t happen, but then he didn’t do that. I don’t feel good about this at all. It’s good to hold your boundaries.

  424.  #424Siren Angel on May 8, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Ah… sometimes it feels really good to just lean back a little, yet stay warm and open.

  425.  #425Siren Angel on May 8, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    ReceivingGirl, very wise name change! very nice.

  426.  #426Lizka on May 8, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    OMG sirens you won’t believe what happenwd today. Just like that, without analyzing or playing or overthinking or anything, just with feeling messages, I got ModelCD to change his behavior!! I didn’t mean to manipulate, I just said how I felt and been authentic, and he totally turned on a dime! In the good way!!

    With him, it’s always last minute plan. He always say lets do something tonight but then he says he’ll call me after work and he ends up going to the gym and callig me at like 9 pm to hang out whem I go to bed at 10. So we rarely get to see each other.

    Today, it was another of these conversation and this is how it turned out:

    Bla bla bla going nowhere

    Me: Haha I know it was a joke. So what are the options?

    Him: To be continued…

    Me: I feel turned off by last minutes plan. Just sayin. It sucks cause I don’t want too feel lile that with you…

    Me again ( feeling this was a bit rough when we were having a joking convo): Lol that sounded way too serious. It wasn’t, lol 🙂

    Him: Serious is good! No, I agree with u, it’s hard to be spontaneous on week days, better to plan stuff in advance. Lets catch a movie?

    Him again immediately after: 6 30- avengers. Good reviews and we might have time for an ice cold beer in an Italian resto beside it.

    Me: Wow Comrade (he’s russian and always call me with russian names) I love plans like that!! It feels perfect!!

    Him: Oooh that’s just the tip of the iceberg of plans!


  427.  #427Lizka on May 8, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    And I just got home. We had a suer nice date. He couldn’t stop kissing me amd couldn’t get his hands off of me. He took good care of me and even planned to see me on Friday!

    Awwww 🙂

  428.  #428Lizka on May 8, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    I love ne and the siren that I have become. 🙂

  429.  #429Starla on May 8, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Hmmm I had a revelation about ‘game playing’ this afternoon. And I texted Alaska and said, “well, i just had a revelation and a half.” And he called me to find out what it is, and we ended up talking for almost 2 hours!! I feel pleasantly surprised.

    it feels so good to connect with people on the phone effortlessly for long periods of time. I haven’t had that in a LONG time. I was always too nervous with CF to just let loose.

    I am learning the difference of when u just rly don’t give a f*ck what they think of you:)

    Ahhh, easy peasy, not worried, not analyzing what was said, not feeling anxious or insecure. I want to hold on to this feeling and remember it and constantly reference it.

    It’s unlikely I would have ever felt this feeling in its purest form if I had kept dating CF. Just how if I hadn’t dated CF, I wouldn’t know the feeling of true love and ‘coming home.’

    Even though my parents taught me really negative and unhealthy ‘default’ settings for love and relationships, the universe has been giving me every opportunity I need to put that puzzle together NOW. I am learning what love and relationships are supposed to feel like NOW. I feel so happy about this, because I sincerely want in my heart to let go of what I learned about love, relationships, and my own worth for the first 23 years of my life.

    Love is easy and effortless!

  430.  #430siren song on May 8, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Yay lizka!

  431.  #431Lizka on May 8, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    Thanks siren song!!

    I can’t believe I didn’t even had to ask for plans in advance and he suggested it himself! And he even said “that’s just the begining! Wow! Magic siren!!

  432.  #432siren song on May 8, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    What a great day! I finished a grant application i’d been working on for a long time. I had to write a bio and i felt so happy seeing all the musical things i’ve accomplished in the past 3 years. I have come so far from the shy insecure girl who couldn’t sing in front of people to someone who gets to sing on her favourite band’s huge new album that’s coming out in the fall.

    Then i met my cd friend after work and we started to plan a tour of western canada for the fall.

    Life is so good right now.

  433.  #433siren song on May 8, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Lizka: oooh, sounds like you are really having an effect on modelcd…

  434.  #434Layla on May 8, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    #403 – I don’t know Daria. He gets mad when I CD myself yet he doesn’t really step up – just gets resentful and sarcastic. And he’s not just some guy I’m dating, he’s my son’s father but he’s not committed to me. It’s a toxic relationship…probably have to let it completely go…. I’ve broken up with him but he always comes back and I always let him back in, because of my son.

    Rori says we don’t have to break up with a guy, just CD and he’ll either step up or not. But I don’t feel good about the situation – never have and lately I’ve been feeling worse.

  435.  #435blue rose on May 8, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    #422 ReceivingGirl

    “Thanks. I feel bad hearing this. You expressed your feelings to him, he said it wouldn’t happen, but then he didn’t do that. I don’t feel good about this at all. It’s good to hold your boundaries.”

    Thank you for expressing that. I feel understood by you. I talked to my therapist about this, he’s a male. He seemed disturbed by it too. But I kept going, and talked more about the night. And it turns out, we started talking about sex on our second date (something I wasn’t really aware I was doing). and my therapist also pointed out that when i said to him that i didn’t want him to be sleeping with other people, or else I wouldn’t sleep with him, that i kinda put sex on the table. not that this is my fault at all that it went too fast, but i can’t believe things that i think are innocently phrased can be seen as something else by a man. i can be very naive.

    this date is still in contact with me, but all the text messages are very sexual. not the way they were at the begining. i want to shift this if it’s still possible. or else i need to remember that this guy is practice, and if he can’t see me as a lady, then i need to walk away. and maybe with the next guy i won’t be so blunt about sex so early on. it didn’t need to come up. we’re barely getting to know each other.

    rambly answer, but i hope this explains some of what may have happened. i won’t let him take it too far physically, i’ll only go as far as i’m comfortable. he was able to stop, but i was pissed off.

  436.  #436Starla on May 8, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    i feel a little OD’d on the conversation with Alaska, though. When my phone died, I even suggested he could talk to me online.

    Addicted behavior!


    aw hehe i feel precious to myself

    i AM very precious.

    really really.


  437.  #437LoveAlways on May 8, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    Hi Sirens.

    I feel a little exhausted.
    I feel worn down.
    I feel vulnerable.

    CD song wants to see me, and I feel afraid to go down that road, but I want to

  438.  #438Starla on May 8, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    I’m envisioning myself as a woman who redirects all her fearful energy into loving herself so that she can love fearlessly and let go of her ego in relationships.

    I want my ego to stand down in relationships.
    i want my ego to be too distracted gazing at its reflection in my inner pool of self love to even bother taking a defensive stance. I want my ego to feel to its core that the war is over and retire into the business of creation and self-love.

    I feel brave tonight and I think I can do it.

  439.  #439R.N.AmazingMe on May 8, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    I need to vent sirens! I still have not started my peiod. Starting to get sick and boobs swollen and huge!! I cannot even begin to get into jeans, WTF is my problem!! I know better ahhh yes I do and wth am I going through this alone!!!!??? Ohh yeah because I didn’t want you to have to deal with it…ohhh no worries I forgot I climbed on top of myself and made a baby. holy crap, why if you would have asked me years back, this is what I wanted but not how I pictured it at all.. i want to cry. This is a mess, I should not have told you I started that was a lie but in fear you were going to make more of a mess! I love me and my thoughts, I am mad at myself, mad at you for not caring. GRRRR….I hate that i brushed up against my boob and it made me feel as if I was going to puke. Wow….accepting responsibility feels bad when you are alone.

  440.  #440Silver Moonbeam on May 8, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    #438 RN Amazing Me

    I am sorry you feel so alone, why don’t you have a big vent on here?

    Have you taken a pregnancy test? What will you do jobwise now you have just started to get your life back on track?

    Congratulations on the new job BTW and the financial abundance for you and your family.

  441.  #441R.N.AmazingMe on May 8, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    SM thank you for posting it makes me feel heard. I am going to start my job and bust my bottom doing it. That will not change.

  442.  #442Daria on May 9, 2012 at 12:00 am





  443.  #443Daria on May 9, 2012 at 12:06 am

    (((RNAmazing))) congrats on the job! I wouldn’t bust, more like care for myself on the job while caring for others so that I can share the best energy of me.

    It’s a challenge for me to keep myself taken care of to have that rub off on my family, and at a job its been even harder for me…

    i feel kinda sad and scared of it 🙁

    environment of jobby ppl i feel all overwhelmed and unloved

    im feeling judgemental of myself now

    i feel sad

    i dont fele comfortable talking about myself in a post congratulating my friend

    i feel ashamed

    i dont want to feel ashamed of myself

    i dont want to be judged as rude inappropriate and uncaring

    i dont want to abandon myself

    im feleing pinched around my ofrehead

    i lvoe me

    i feel pinched in my heart


    i deserve to be heard anytime

    me first

    even in a post to my friend

    and its love for all

    walk my talk wow

    me first –> more love for friend

    i can do it


    i feel honored

    to receive this emotional healing storm

    i feel greatful

    i feel good aboutmyself for congratulating my friend

    i feel excited for places to share my gifts

    i feel excited for me and all people who i know and who know me


    we’re ALL going to be happy!

  444.  #444Emerson on May 9, 2012 at 12:20 am

    339 aww lk that is a cute story about the lady hugging you! So sweet.

    Today I got a text from NewCD who I actually need to rename TexterCD because all he ever does is text me lately. EVEN after I’ve espressed I don’t want to text. But I am guilty that in the past when he has texted me, I have texted back. And sometimes, after I text back, I just never hear back from him for days…it’s so weird. I really don’t care too much but still…it’s kinda strange and kinda really annoying!!!

    But today, TexterCD texted me and I did not reply. He just asked how I’m doing but I don’t know what to say.

    I want to say I feel cranky with texting. What should I say sirens? I do want to see him, but our schedules are challenging to match up….and I’d rather talk on the phone to plan anything. help.


  445.  #445Daria on May 9, 2012 at 12:22 am

    “I have come so far from the shy insecure girl who couldn’t sing in front of people to someone who gets to sing on her favourite band’s huge new album that’s coming out in the fall.” ~ this means – to me – that I will be singing on a huge album sometime in the future 🙂

    i feel teary eyed

    this and Sirenity giving a recital…

    once i hear it from 2 people its confirmed

    i feel moved!

    this is my sign for my own life 🙂

    im like Goapele 🙂

  446.  #446Emerson on May 9, 2012 at 12:28 am

    Today I did some things for myself and feeling a lot better about everything.

    I wonder what is showing up to heal because I feel a sense of satisfaction and like “hmmph” and *shrug* regarding TexterCD contacting me and me not replyin….I feel like I have the upper hand.

    Maybe if I stop replying to this texts altogether, he’ll call…?

    Do I need to tell him AGAIN that I don’t want to text all the time?????

  447.  #447Emerson on May 9, 2012 at 12:32 am

    I met a friend for shopping/lunch today and it was nice. I realize I have not had life balance lately, and it was fun to just relax and hang out with a friend that knows me well.

    I have to admit I do get excited when Recycled calls or texts me. I wish he would call or text me! haha…well that is a needy vibe Emerson stop that!!!

    I am not going to lean forward anymore and maybe I can spend some time with Mr. Texter and get my mind off Recycled. Texter is pretty cute and I feel attracted so I feel excited about that! i want some attention and some eye candy yum yum….

  448.  #448Daria on May 9, 2012 at 12:33 am

    blue rose – “he was able to stop, but i was pissed off.”

    this suggests to me that you believe that it is hard for a man to stop

    i strongly suggest you work on dropping this belief it will sabotage your efforts at putting yourself first during sex – crucial to intimacy

    simply move away – phyiscally – when you feel uncomfortable. feel free to push him off, or push his hand away softly or roughly

    then continue doing something else and dont make a big deal of it

    if he insists say “oh i feel a lil overwhelmed, i dont want to do too much, i feel better taking my time”

    when i take more responsibility for my boundary – theres less to be mad at the man for … and less for me to judge him about, close off about, run away from intimacy about. this is Challenging stuff!

    many times i will see the man will look to me to set the tone of this interaction – when i push his advances away. if im are comfortable enforcing my own boundaries, he will respect me and usually like me even more — and i wind up feeling SURPRISED!

    today a man asked me to come visit him in the city he came from

    and i said ‘oh i wouldnt feel comfortable going to a guy for a date’

    and i felt so scared! i was ON a date in the middle of a meal that he had got for me!

    and i felt scared like what if he asks me to pay half! i dont have money on me!

    ill feel trapped scared… so awful and miserable

    and sad and in pain

    and this is what i expect to happen many times while im receiving

    ahhh i feel compassion for myself


    and you know what tho i said tthat to him straight out and i felt SO SCARED ANDDISTANT

    he actually made jokes and acted even MORE interested in me the rest of the nite, and even WALKED OVER TO OPEN MY CAR DOOR AFTER THAT< WHEN PREVIOUSLy HE HADNT!

    so yeah, wow boundaries and bravery… feels exciting

  449.  #449Daria on May 9, 2012 at 12:36 am

    oh i felt good with this guy and i also felt turned on with him and he’s a big guy! im ean like HUGE!

    like football player security man huge

    and so ive healed my judgements of fat men yay!!!

    i feel excited

    hes like biggie small huge

    ok hes in shape tho he likes sports and camping

  450.  #450Emerson on May 9, 2012 at 12:47 am

    Yay Daria! I love reading about your experience with this man.

    I like how you worded this:
    ‘oh i wouldnt feel comfortable going to a guy for a date’

    I am so swiping that from you!! 🙂

    Texter asked me to meet him in the city where he lives and it would have been quite a ways for me to travel….WTF but instead of feeling angry at him it is up to me to set a boundary. I replied a wimpy FM “I feel uncertain about traveling that far, what do you think?” and he offered that I can stay at his house but bah…I felt turned off…I do not intend to spend so much on gas to see a stranger and I am certainly not going to stay at their house if I don’t know them…

    Feeling conflicted and turned off over this situation and a lil disappointed with myself for not being braver and saying something like DAria said…

    But who knows this could all turn around for me and he may step up….he does keep contacting me after I set boundaries…

  451.  #451Daria on May 9, 2012 at 12:56 am

    yay Emerson ! it really makes me feel good to think im inspiring the “romantic man” out of these guys and they’re happy with me for it!

  452.  #452Lily Medusa on May 9, 2012 at 12:56 am

    Blue Rose, I don’t know your whole story (please forgive me for jumping in), but based on what you said in your last comment, I feel bugged and annoyed at your therapist.

    You wrote: “And it turns out, we started talking about sex on our second date (something I wasn’t really aware I was doing). and my therapist also pointed out that when i said to him that i didn’t want him to be sleeping with other people, or else I wouldn’t sleep with him, that i kinda put sex on the table.”

    One night years ago, I was on a date with a guy I had just met. He came on to me very aggressively, and I shut him down. He called me the next day and said that he assumed I would welcome his attempt to basically molest me. He had based his assumption on the fact that I was wearing a low cut halter top on our date. I felt outraged and I told him so. He was apologetic and penitent, and actually asked me to have dinner with his parents the following night. I told him I wasn’t interested in seeing him again because I am not into guys who would make such a callous judgement about me based on one detail of my appearance. I’m sure he thought a bit more deeply the next time he was tempted to put his hands on a woman he barely knew.

    When I chose to wear a top that showed my shoulders and cleavage, I was, as you say, “putting sex on the table.” That didn’t mean it was okay for that guy to advance on me in an aggressively sexual way. He didn’t ask, didn’t get to know me, didn’t consider my feelings. That was his deal. The halter top didn’t make it my fault. Just as the conversations you had with your date didn’t make it your fault that he ignored your boundaries.

    I am feeling more annoyed with your therapist than with your date. It sounds to me like your date was probably (a) clueless (b) blundering (c) horny (d) rude, or (e) all of the above. Guys get horny and do stupid things. On the other hand, your therapist – the educated professional you pay to help you grow through these situations! – is trying to make YOU feel responsible for HIS (the date’s) bad behavior. This can undermine your faith in yourself and it’s not cool. You are not responsible for your date’s choice not to respect the boundaries you established. Of course, you ARE responsible for maintaining your boundaries once he crosses the line. It doesn’t matter that you talked with him about your sexuality.

    My opinion is that between adults who are dating, sex is already on the table. It’s a reality of human existence, and most of us will experience it at some point with a person we really like or love. The fact that you had a previous conversation with your date about sex is acceptable and respectable. I doubt your conversation somehow opened the door for him to disrespect you.

    It sounds like you are confident about holding on to your boundaries. I feel happy for you and I think things will work out great for you. But if I were you, I’d fire the therapist.

  453.  #453Vi on May 9, 2012 at 12:58 am

    374, 437

    Wooow Starla that’s amazing! That feels SO powerful to me! I feel your vibe changed just 180*.

    And that is exactly what I was missing! Sometimes even tho I used the tools I felt discontent and disconnected with my man. And couldn’t get it. And you hit it! – these were the moments when using the tools was not about ME but about manipulating him.. and then I would get angry with HIM if it didn’t work.. I feel sooo relieved now.. like as if I’ve found a missing and the most important piece of a puzzle 🙂 I feel good and happy.

    Thank you for help beautiful Starla! You are amazing!!
    Love to you!

  454.  #454Silver Moonbeam on May 9, 2012 at 12:58 am


    At least you have 2 in rotation, I can’t even get a bloomin’ cup of coffee going here, they all just seem to fizzle out………..

    Though one of them has given me his landline phone number, so my next step is to give him my mobile (cell) number right?

    I have had contact from another American on OKC who says he will relocate for the right woman, but something tells me he is a scammer – we shall see, they are all just practise, though I admit I don’t do very well with FM’s but I am trying.

  455.  #455Lily Medusa on May 9, 2012 at 12:59 am

    Daria, good job using FMs! You are so feminine! Yay Daria.

  456.  #456Vi on May 9, 2012 at 1:00 am


  457.  #457Emerson on May 9, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Yay Silvermoon! Well you could call his landline and block your caller ID if you don’t want to give out your number ….sometimes I’ve done that if I”m not sure….and its not really leaning forward cuz hes asking you to call and you want to be cautious and most men online understand that.

    Daria or Silvermoon what should I say to Mr Texter??? I DO want to see him but gaawwsh with the texting already!!!

    maybe I should just say “im feeling cranky” and he can ask why and I can say because i don’t want to text hahaha….
    hmm I dunno…

    I bought some hot sexy new bras and undies today so I’m feeling so happy and taking care of me, Emerson, to look cute and hot under my clothes!!! And they match!!

  458.  #458Emerson on May 9, 2012 at 1:05 am

    Silver moonbeam I feel curious how long have you been divorced?

  459.  #459Emerson on May 9, 2012 at 1:07 am

    Lizka I’m reading your update and I feel very impressed and inspired! I like how you handled that conversation with him and making last minute plans….
    I may swipe that from you too…Texter likes to make plans with loose times and places and at the last minute firms up the plan and by that time I’m already on to something else so I feel annoyed and let down….

  460.  #460R.N.AmazingMe on May 9, 2012 at 1:15 am

    ((((Daria))))))))))))))) Thanks for your input I love when you post I learn so much from you. I feel my life changing and it feels scary!!

  461.  #461Daria on May 9, 2012 at 1:35 am

    Tapping on Resentment in particular and it being in my body is feelin excitin

  462.  #462Silver Moonbeam on May 9, 2012 at 1:37 am

    9 years Emerson, moved countries 3 times in the past 3 years too!!

  463.  #463Daria on May 9, 2012 at 2:14 am

    Thanks Lily Medusa 🙂

    Im getting “you’re so feminine” all the time now!

  464.  #464Daria on May 9, 2012 at 2:28 am

    Emerson – thanks !

    what i do with texting is answer briefly when i feel like it

    usually my answers to jokes are just a smily face

    him: hey

    me : hey 🙂

    him : how you doin ?

    me : im feelin good 🙂

    him: oh what you doin today

    me : im free 🙂

    him : oh you are

    me : – no answer – im realizing i actually dont answer a lot of text questions that seem to be a convo… i dont feel good getting into convos on text. he will follow up with something that feels more engaging, or call me, or ill forget about it

    i can also say “i dont want to text right now it would feel easier to talk” when i want to not text anymore

  465.  #465Daria on May 9, 2012 at 2:32 am

    AWW RN Amazing that feels really good 🙂 🙂

  466.  #466Daria on May 9, 2012 at 2:38 am

    lol this guy on the site that ive talked to before is randomly askign me to give me head … and saying its his birthday tomorrow


    well thats more like it universe!

    i feel all skeptikal aobut it – something to tap on

    i feel unworthy of just getting head!

  467.  #467Daria on May 9, 2012 at 2:54 am

    id like to receive some of that from men i feel turned on with that i feel comfortable with and also excited to be seen with cuz i think they raise my coolness status

    i dont think im intrinsically cool enough so i want to be seen with someone who is more cool than me to boost my status

    wow this is true!

  468.  #468Francesca on May 9, 2012 at 3:10 am

    AmazingMe, yay for the new job! Congrats!

  469.  #469Lizka on May 9, 2012 at 3:22 am

    Thank you Daria!! Thank you Emerson!!!

    Good morning sirens!!!! xxxx

  470.  #470Daria on May 9, 2012 at 3:51 am

    :: Inner Freedom Feels Good ::

    Remember how you felt on the last day of school before
    the summer break? Even if you *liked* school, you
    derived pleasure from the sudden expansion of
    personal freedom, didn’t you?

    *Inner* freedom feels like that, too. And you don’t
    have to wait until summer; it’s only a thought away!

    Today, try playing this game: Every time your child
    says or does anything, (1) notice your first thought
    about it, (2) think of some alternative thoughts, and
    (3) FEEL your freedom to choose.

    For example, your child dumps a big box of toys and
    your first thought is, “Ugh! Another mess for me to
    clean up!” What other thoughts are possible?

    * I love my child’s enthusiasm!

    * I HATE those damn toys!

    * I wonder what s/he’s looking for.

    Now notice that having a choice feels better than
    having no choice. The point of the game is not to
    choose (yet), but to enjoy knowing you CAN choose
    what to think about any situation.

    Doesn’t inner freedom feel good? 🙂

  471.  #471Daria on May 9, 2012 at 4:56 am

    Mmmm I’m feeling loved.. This tapping on resentment seems to bring me a lot of peace and smooth feelings in my body

    Mmmm I can do things that I felt tightened up more before about

  472.  #472LoveAlways on May 9, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Good Morning Sirens:

    Spamming the blog again 🙂

    No more frogs for me!
    I’ve advanced along enough in this program where all of men I CD are actually attractive and appealing to me in at least 3 ways.

    Looking back, there were some CDs who I dated just to get into the practice. I was surprised by my own list:

    CD assertive
    CD ex (yup!!!)

    So Yea for me!!! I higher caliber of man is on the menu!!!

    So onward and upward with my CD plan.

    So many nice guys contacting me, and I’ve got a new approach. Tweeking some of the tools and approaches to fit how I feel and my own personality. I feel to good and ready to proceed with this all.

    I don’t feel bad about CD song today. I’m leaning back and paying attention to what he does as well as what he says. He’s a dreamer and loose planner and it’s by the moment with him. Who knows how long his moods last, I’m not going to get caught up in it this time. He wants me to call him to get together today, and I realized I just don’t feel like seeing him yet. I know I want to see him, but I will see him when I FEEL it, not when he calls.

    Have a wonderful day sirens,


  473.  #473Turquoise on May 9, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Good morning sirens! I’ve been reading and trying to catch up, but hard on my phone to keep everything in order. Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you all!
    So ready is still my main cd. He calls and texts daily, makes future plans, says sweet things to me and I’ll see him Saturday for dinner and a blues guitar concert. Looking forward to it! 🙂

    I get texts every few days from the carpenter, but he hasnt asked me out. Same with chemist. The pilot said early last week he wanted to see me, but never made any plans. He lied to me about his age, hate starting from a lie, so if he poofs back in, going to talk to him about that.
    C is getting the new driveway plans made , and told me he wants to come home on 4 day weekends this summer to work on landscaping at the house. We talked about a new porch, pool and excavating the yard next summer. I liked making those plans with him. we’ve talked a lot, we just started playing words with friends and scramble, so lots of back and forth texts, etc. I want it to be him, I’m resistant to really letting go. But playing word games and making landscaping plans doesn’t mean he loves me, could just be what it is. Maybe he’s resistant to let go too. So, staying focused on me. I started the wedding candy, am doing well with my budget, reading the book I got from the motivational speaker Saturday, and being very present with my girls and family. Life is good!

  474.  #474Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 5:44 am

    I woke up feeling really sad and angry this morning.

    I need a new group of friends.
    I feel really icky around so-called and Jack CD.

    I live in a college town, and there’s been a lot of transitioning and moving.

    I hate the way it feels. It feels unstable. It feels like a forward moving motion and I feel stuck.

    I feel like jumping out of my skin.

    I really need to take care of myself.

    I feel anxious and not good enough for the new career path I want to try.

    It would feel good to move to a new town.

    I miss my family and far-away friends.

    I feel sooo stuck.
    I feel this sick hot anxious feeling swirling from my stomach, up to below my ribs, into my upper chest area, and into my head.

    I feel shocked.
    I feel angry.
    I feel used by my friend.
    I feel used by Jack CD.

    It finally occured to me to sink into my feelings as they were flirting, and it was like he suddenly remembered I was there.

    If she is such a temptation for him, what is the point?

    I feel angry that he even bothered with me. I feel angry for opening up to him. I feel angry at him for listening to me. I feel angry at him for pretending to care.

    I feel hungry for beautiful scenery, but where I live feels hot and stagnant and ugly.

    I feel untouched.
    I feel disposable.
    I feel lonely.

  475.  #475Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 5:46 am

    I feel repulsed by how much he touched me. I feel like I’ll never be held or touched enough.

  476.  #476Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 5:51 am

    what I should I do? what would make me feel better? I don’t feel like CDing right now. I want to take care of myself. To be with myself.

    Why do I always feel like I lose a little bit of myself when I start to care about a guy?

    It’s like I have to regroup and remember. I feel angry because I tried so hard to keep balance, and no matter what, when I start to care, I lose my balance.

    I feel fear and hesitancy. I open my heart and then slam it shut. and then…?

    I feel sick of CDs also CDing and then getting girlfriends.

  477.  #477Lily on May 9, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Hi everybody,
    I am doing circular dating and it is so much fun, I am learning a lot and in general is a very positive experience, i am using all of the tools. Things I have found quite difficult to do were using feminin energy, dance position, not to judge, protect myself with my boy energy (only going on dates planned few days in advance), feeling messages, saying the truth ect…
    However, I am finding 2 difficulties, the first one is that sometimes I feel very unmotivated and it seems that I will never find Mr Right, I have met a couple of really good quality men that seemed very suited that basicaly new that they didnt want to be married to me, and the second difficulty is my time management, I have a couple of hobbies that keep me busy 4 evenings a week so I fit all of these dates in my schedule (weekday evenings) and weekends and I just run out of energy and make myself very tired as I strugle to find time to rest
    What is your opinion? Have you got any suggestions?
    Thak you,

  478.  #478blue rose on May 9, 2012 at 6:01 am

    I’m going to try a virtual hug:


    hope you feel better.

  479.  #479Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 6:05 am

    aww, thanks blue rose. that feels comforting.

  480.  #480Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 6:06 am


    The name of the author is the first to go
    followed obediently by the title, the plot,
    the heartbreaking conclusion, the entire novel
    which suddenly becomes one you have never read,
    never even heard of,

    as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor
    decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain,
    to a little fishing village where there are no phones.

    Long ago you kissed the names of the nine Muses goodbye
    and watched the quadratic equation pack its bag,
    and even now as you memorize the order of the planets,

    something else is slipping away, a state flower perhaps,
    the address of an uncle, the capital of Paraguay.

    Whatever it is you are struggling to remember,
    it is not poised on the tip of your tongue,
    not even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen.

    It has floated away down a dark mythological river
    whose name begins with an L as far as you can recall,
    well on your own way to oblivion where you will join those
    who have even forgotten how to swim and how to ride a bicycle.

    No wonder you rise in the middle of the night
    to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war.
    No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted
    out of a love poem that you used to know by heart.

    Billy Collins

  481.  #481Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 6:09 am

    I love poetry. I have never cared deeply about a man who also loved poetry. Poetry never ever ever leaves me. He comforts me. He understands me. He speaks for me, when I have no words…

  482.  #482blue rose on May 9, 2012 at 6:09 am

    #447: Daria

    “blue rose – “he was able to stop, but i was pissed off.”

    this suggests to me that you believe that it is hard for a man to stop”

    I can’t believe you picked up on that when I never really did.

    Yeah, I think I do think it’s hard for a man to stop. And I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop it either. which would lead to regret and loathing.

    “simply move away – phyiscally – when you feel uncomfortable. feel free to push him off, or push his hand away softly or roughly

    then continue doing something else and dont make a big deal of it”

    I feel like I need to write that on a note card and carry it with me 🙂

    Daria I also want to say that you make yourself so vulnerable when you go on dates that it’s amazing. I mentally think to myself I need to bring credit cards and extra cash just in case things go wrong. And I feel uncomfortable when I go to super nice restaurants (on the rare occasion, don’t get me wrong 🙂 ) because I have that thought of I really can’t pay for this. It really is brave to set your boundary and the consequences be damned. And of course they respect you more. That was inspirational.

  483.  #483ulii on May 9, 2012 at 6:12 am


    I just feel hugging you, although don’t have really anything to say as an advice.

    Are you hanging around with this girlfriend & JackCD often? Was this one occasion where they are flirting in front of you only or more times? Maybe just don’t be around them at all for a while & take good care of yourself? And if they ask, tell it’s hurting you.. and you can’t be friends right now with them.

  484.  #484blue rose on May 9, 2012 at 6:24 am

    #451: Lily Medusa

    jump in anytime. I appreciate all the feedback and opinions and advice I get from all the sirens on here. In fact, thanks for taking the time to read and reply 🙂

    “My opinion is that between adults who are dating, sex is already on the table. It’s a reality of human existence, and most of us will experience it at some point with a person we really like or love. The fact that you had a previous conversation with your date about sex is acceptable and respectable. I doubt your conversation somehow opened the door for him to disrespect you. ”

    That’s a really good point. I actually dressed so conservative for the date that my date commented on it. He probably had his mind there from the beginning, we made out on our first real date and I’m sure it set the stage. I must have been in a sexually defensive stance 🙂

    I love how passionate you responded, I honestly would have the same reaction if anyone else on here had posted a story like mine.

    I feel I can’t avoid every guy who pounces. And I realize I can’t live in fear that any guy I date could suddenly pounce. being pounced upon is good and fun, I need to trust myself more that I will stop it.

    🙂 it’s also so sweet that you dislike my therapist because of your concern for me. I am taking the conversation out of context and interpreting his comments. He really did not lay the blame on me. His comment was actually a rephrasing of what I had said about no sex until he gets rid of his friend with benefits “so you said to him I’d be interested in sex with you”. which actually made me laugh when I realized that, yeah, I did say that. I took that comment as pointing out the underlying implication of my boundary of exclusivity.

    ah, we are complicated beings, sirens. and i think it’s beautiful how complicated we are.

    another rambly post. apologies!

  485.  #485Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 6:28 am

    @481 ulli – thanks, sweet girl. I feel repulsed by both of them. they aren’t even dating, and Jack CD and I were, though sporatically, with lots of “friend group time”, which should have been a red flag right there.

    It’s really only happened twice. The first time, I let myself feel jealous, and he totally backed off from her. and i felt really honored that he did that.

    but I had been feeling insecure, and instead of feeling my feelings and speaking up, I shut down and went back into old patterns.

    I talked to her about how uncomfortable I felt with how jealous she was acting around me, and admitted to her that i felt jealous of her too.

    I told her that i could tell he was attracted to her. (if he really cared about me, why would it matter?)

    I told her not to shut herself down like she usually does. I told her it wouldn’t be wrong for her to “be herself” around a guy just because one of her friends liked him.

    I leaned forward with him like an idiot because I was feeling insecure. I feel like he liked my leaning forward (probably just flattered by it,) but then I shut down, and next thing I know they are hard-core flirting right in front of me.

    Before I told her all this, I asked her if she liked him and she practically screamed at me that she didn’t. I said it was okay if she liked him, I completely understood if she liked him. She said, and I quote, “He’s not the guy for me.”

    I know I’m probably blowing things way out of proportion, but it just doesn’t feel good. It feels lousy, and I shouldn’t have to deal with it from him or her. Neither of them have contacted me since that night, and when I sank into my feelings, he just got awkward and tried to “include me.” (Um…no thanks.)

    and she just looked at me like she was guilty as sin….

    Yep. They really care about me…

  486.  #486ulii on May 9, 2012 at 6:51 am

    @ Iamabutterfly

    I think.. it is quite impossible to control other people’s thoughts, feelings & actions. The ideal would be good friends don’t “steal” your crushes. But is she really that good friend? Or would she have same standards of “what friends do or don’t do”. She might also get a lift to her self-esteem — if it’s low — getting attention from him. Maybe too big a temptation for not to use it. And she might have lied to you and not think it’s a big deal, or changed her approach to him after learning that he might be attracted to her… don’t know. But anyway it doesn’t matter as it’s nothing you can control or do something about. I mean, what he or she is thinking, feeling or doing… And I would not beat myself up either about shutting down or not knowing better. We are growing & learning all the time.

    I would move away from them physically, give myself lot of lovely attention (like Starla is doing, for example), interact with other friends, and yes, circular date when I start feeling like it… but not forcing myself. Also, I would drop a CD as soon as I would find out he has somebody else on his radar… not continue friends with him if it makes me feel bad.

  487.  #487ulii on May 9, 2012 at 7:00 am

    @Iamabutterfly 475

    I hope you don’t feel my comments are harsh or that I know much of anything as I’m quite struggling myself with all this CDing.

    I can relate a lot to what you are saying here:

    “Why do I always feel like I lose a little bit of myself when I start to care about a guy?

    It’s like I have to regroup and remember. I feel angry because I tried so hard to keep balance, and no matter what, when I start to care, I lose my balance.”

    It is so much the case whenever i start to care more about some CD. Right now it’s NewZealandCD who I have even met in real life yet. And it’s hard to go back from that overly attached feeling to a more healthy place. But it helps if I occupy my time with other activities and also cd-s. Even if I don’t care about them so much.

  488.  #488Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 7:06 am

    @485 Ulii – no, your comments aren’t harsh at all. they felt very comforting.

    I hope you find a “real life CD” who you’ve MET, as well as lots of other “real life CDs” who can make you feel so good that “online fantasies” can’t pull at your heart at all!

    you deserve it!


  489.  #489Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 7:09 am

    I’m making weekend plans and already feel better. Taking some “real friends” with me to see this great band composed of some other “real friends,” including an old CD who always treats me really well and makes me feel beautiful and special. He’s in the band and it’s so cool! 🙂

  490.  #490Ravenquile on May 9, 2012 at 7:12 am


    I study all sorts of opinions and beliefs, I listen and I observe; I keep myself familiarized with those concepts and beliefs which are potentially capable of deluding and leading people astray. This includes established Religions, Cultures, various Occult and Spiritualistic beliefs and practices, as well as the many New Age concepts, Indigo Children, Spirit Guides, Channeling, etc. etc. etc.

    I have learned that it is, primarily, the Intuitive Personality Types are those who move into, move about in, the spiritual, intuitive function kind of stuff, all over the world; and the Intuitive is more advanced, more common, in certain countries, cultures, and religions. These wind up creating doctrines, beliefs, and practices. The MBTI Personality Types are real; this is an excellent framework to describe the differences in people, and a superlative guide to understanding and relating to those around us. The Intuitive Personality Types are real; they have an invisible, ‘radar/sonar’/spirit-function’ way of perceiving, investigating, understanding, seeing and hearing the world and all that is in it.

    The Spiritual World is real; both the Light and the Dark Side. There are, also, natural spiritual elements in the earth, in nature ( a quick example of what I mean, is the American Indian spiritual connection and respect for the natural spiritual world: to them you don’t just see a pine tree, don’t just hear and physically feel the wind, you perceive it far more deeply, in far more dimension. This ‘way’, in its pure sense, was always connected to the ‘Great Spirit’ who is the same God we know; but this has also been corrupted in some Tribes by other dark spirits as well. We all have some familiarity with these things. )

    ( I was not trying to imply that I was dismissing YOU or your beliefs; I was dismissing the link one of you suggested, it was not about you, or directed at you, personally. )

    People have free will, and can believe whatever they wish, we all know that; and that, in itself does not bother me in the least. I will always listen to someone chatting a bit about something I do not believe in, and feel strongly about ( and something I am totally familiar with ); but if directly questioned as to what I think of it, or if an attempt at indoctrinization is made, I will mince no words in revealing to them that the subject matter is Dark and against the Light.

    Calling it Dark is simply a fact, like saying ‘it is snowing’, ‘there is a full moon tonight’, etc. etc.

    I have to be kind to the person speaking, not insulting to the person speaking, respectful to the person speaking; but I never have to be ‘respectful’ to Darkness.

    Judging, and exposing that which is against the Light, disrespectful of, wounding to, blaspheming of, or non-inclusive of God, is both a function and a responsibility which God has placed within me from birth, which I had nothing to do with, these things are simply what I was designed to do, I can do nothing else. I cannot ignore, I cannot fear to reveal and expose, I cannot fear to speak out, I cannot embrace or promote Traditions of Men; or just ignore something if it happens to be discussed by a friend or family member, I can give no one and nothing, preference above that which I must defend, expose and correct. At all times, without fail.

  491.  #491ulii on May 9, 2012 at 7:26 am

    @486, 487 Iamabutterfly
    Ok, that feels good to read. 🙂 I imagine it feels exciting to go to that concert. Thank you for the hug too!

    I’m going to a run today with a girlfriend. It is so much more motivating than do it on my own.

  492.  #492Radlove on May 9, 2012 at 7:43 am


    223 revisited – “Do you want to post it to humiliate yourself in some subconsious way? Do you want to be berated and scolded by the other Sirens? Do you maybe like the attention you get as your life holds so little now because of being unemployed?”

    I felt extreme pain reading this.

    I needed love, gentleness, and understanding.

    I feel judged and misunderstood.

    I feel like I am laying down in the mud with my spirit groaning just to survive and a friend comes along and starts kicking me in the gut to be sure I am unconscious.

    It is at moments like these when I am sadly reminded there IS no safe place in the world. And that is all I have been seeking all my life. The safest places I have found are in nature, with God, and with my pets. I feel utterly unsafe with people, and this is the core of my woundedness.

    I feel even worse to see other Sirens ganging up on me, telling me this is supposedly tough love. The conclusion is I cannot open my spirit here.

    If Rori’s blog is an emotional hospital, then it is a place where you come with a severe wound and you have to pretend there is no wound. You are only allowed to show whole flesh and no blood, no infection, or you are ridiculed and kicked in the gut.

    It is like a D&A rehab where you may not come drunk. If you arrive drunk, you are yelled at and told to go get sober before you arrive.

    Whenever I dare to share where I’m REALLY at, I feel deep pain. I don’t feel acceptance for where I’m at. That was some really vulnerable stuff I aired because I needed someone to talk to; because I was opening myself up to get help for healing.

    It hurt, not helped, to be asked “Do you want to post it to humiliate yourself in some subconsious way? Do you want to be berated and scolded by the other Sirens? Do you maybe like the attention you get as your life holds so little now because of being unemployed?”

  493.  #493Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I love my boy! He’s awesome!

  494.  #494Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 7:55 am

    I feel a little triggered by Rori’s suggestion that we women are ALL so much smarter than men. That may be true emotionally, but in every other area I feel as though it depends. I love smart men, and I know many men who are smarter than me in different areas. I feel safe with smart men! Even if they need my help with emotional things…

  495.  #495Francesca on May 9, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Radlove, I’m sorry you feel that way.

    I’m sorry if I triggered you in any way and I see I did.

    Maybe you need to take a few steps back if you don’t feel safe here anymore.

    One last thing I want to share: when someone is asking for advices on a board with many different voices and opinions being exchanged, there are strong chances where you will be reading something you don’t like.

    I don’t think anyone wanted to hurt you on purpose.

  496.  #496Francesca on May 9, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Iama @492

    I feel the same way.

    My man is smarter than me for some things but for other things, I am way ahead of him.

    He’s learning from me and vice versa.

    And it’s all good!

  497.  #497Starla on May 9, 2012 at 8:27 am

    I declare today Positivity Day:)

  498.  #498siren song on May 9, 2012 at 8:37 am

    i second that, starla!

  499.  #499Siren Angel on May 9, 2012 at 8:39 am

    I have been feeling seriously triggered and my NVs have been non-stop since all the back and forth with moving in together and his custody trial last week. Also, he has been calling everynight after I gave him the speach about that, and I know he does it to make me happy. Yet sometimes, like last night, he sais immediately and rushed ‘just calling to say goodnight’ and it makes my NV loud. I know, i am grateful that he calls every night and I am so much happier like this, yet it feels like ‘i’m not really in the mood to talk but i’m just calling because i have to to make you happy’. I am soooo grateful for where we are right now. I also feel vulnerable about no set date or plan to get married and even move in. It’s there but no real commitment except for ‘nezt year for sure and maybe before, when we find the perfect house’. Am i complaining for no reason? I dont want to complain… I am so grateful but I feel vulnerable, yet I know feeling vulnerable is part of the process. Maybe i just need to up my vulnerabilty quotient… Any thoughts?

  500.  #500lk on May 9, 2012 at 8:54 am

    (((Radlove))) i feel really sad reading what you wrote…. especially the idea that you feel unsupported…. “tough love” is an idea….. i feel unsure about it…. i so like gentleness….. but sometimes it feels difficult to express gentleness when i feel angry or frustrated. i feel angry & frustrated when i read the way that you & ryan’s interactions make you feel…. i feel sad that you want anything from him still…. i wouldn’t want a friend to ask me questions like do you want me to break up with you…. that feels so sad ! & like being kicked ! i agree !!! ouch. i want gentle men, who come close to me, bring things to me…. who want to help me heal & feel safe & close…. i desire gentleness & closeness & reliability & strength… i feel how strong you are when i read your posts…. so much of your strength seems…..folded in ? on yourself ? like holding a hand tight against your own throat — like…. pushing yourself down into yourself… like fear of being Real & fear of being Rejected for Being Yourself…. & i love you & i feel mystified at the “hiding”…. & i love the way you laugh at yourself sometimes & i love to laugh at myself… isn’t it Love-ly that we were made so silly-looking in such heavy, aging bodies ? isn’t it weird that we were made desiring Food & Water & Companionship when these things don’t even exist in Time when held up against the Infinite ? LOL i can’t even believe we are able to feel “stressed” about any of it… but there it is…. & here we are…. you are very beautiful & all the beauty is there for us all anytime we can bring ourselves to look : )

  501.  #501Emerson on May 9, 2012 at 8:58 am

    463 thank you Daria! yah I have used the
    “I don’t want to text right now it would feel easier to talk” but I feel like I keep repeating myself so maybe I will just answer with a very short reply.

    And yes, I agree it’s better not to get into a full on conversation on text, I find it tiring and there is room for misunderstanding an overall just blech sometimes …..

    I feel happy that he texted me though…he consistently keeps up contact with me but he has dropped the ball on getting together because i have refused to overfunction and “confirm” the time and place and just waiting for him….and so that’s why it’s fallen thru the cracks but I”m ok with that….

  502.  #502Starla on May 9, 2012 at 9:11 am

    I think I have been using Rori’s principles to play mind games with men.

    I’m just going to be honest.

    I am melting my heart now. I am leaving all this manipulation and ego-driven garbage behind.


  503.  #503Starla on May 9, 2012 at 9:14 am

    I also feel really desperate and alone and unloved, and I’d like to turn my attention away from that and toward filling myself up.

    I’m grown now. I’m not a child. My parents are long gone from my life and I can blame them for my hard-wiring but I can go in now with my tools and rearrange some of those wires in a way that leaves everything running more efficiently and smoothly. No one is stopping me from doing that, especially not my parents or anyone who wouldn’t love me in the past when I needed them to.

  504.  #504Mel on May 9, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Siren Angel,

    How about expressing a little bit of your excitement around moving-in, mixed with a little of the bad feelings around the open-endedness of it all?

    Something like…

    I’ve been noticing, ever since we started discussing moving-in together I have been feeling quite excited, but also a bit anxious. You know how when you’re slowly moving up the roller-coaster, and you get that butterfly-in-your-stomach feeling because you know it’s going to be super fun, but you don’t really know what to expect either? And it feels like it’s taking forever even though it’s not really long at all? And you’re just like Ahhh! I can’t stand the anticipation! Well that’s sort of how I feel. I feel so excited and tingly and glowing about the thought of sharing our lives together. And yet I’m also noticing myself feeling a little impatient and a bit insecure because of the open-endedness of it all. Just like an annoying little kid on a road trip… “are we there yet?! I’m finding myself wanting to know when?/where?/how? and feeling a little bad about that because I don’t want to be unreasonable or demanding; I know how busy your life has been lately. I’m just a girl and I can’t help that ingrained instinct to feel secure and solid and “home.” And as much as I want to be flexible and flowy, it would feel so much better to have a time frame and a plan. Because it would settle those butterflies down so that I can feel more at ease and content and peaceful when we’re together. What do you think?

  505.  #505Turquoise on May 9, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Radlove, feeling limited on how much I can write because I am at work and on my phone, but I feel your pain, and something the card reader said to me is that I suffer in my relationship with C. You suffer so much, and I want you to find a way out of that. You know how much I love C and want him back…. No secret there. But I had to find something I want MORE than him, and it’s something else the reader said, wholeness, and we don’t have that. I urge you to find what you want more than R. And work towards that.

    I read a book once on co-dependency and it said that a ci-dependent relationship just gets worse. It’s worse now than a year ago, will be even worse next year. He is dependent on you too…. But this is bad for both of you. It needs to stop.

  506.  #506Emerson on May 9, 2012 at 9:34 am

    I’m getting better at refocusing the negative thoughts I seem to have in the mornings.

    I really struggle with those first moments when I wake up…I have so many scripts running through my head and it’s all soooo negative and terrifying…and intrusive….I really hate it and it’s been a challenge trying to redirect them but it’s getting better.

  507.  #507Siren Angel on May 9, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Mel thank you,
    Yes that’s exactly it… Very nice FM script. I will sink into it and adapt.

  508.  #508Mel on May 9, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Siren Angel,

    No problem. I’m sort of in the same boat. Talk of move-in but no real plan/date.

    Somehow I’m actually feeling peaceful and content in the not knowing though. I’m surprising myself, really. I don’t feel concerned about it. I feel his solution-finding and planning energy. I can let it be until he’s ready to reveal the logistics.

  509.  #509Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 9:49 am


    Carmel is sugar burnt

    to syrup in a pan. Chaos
    is a pinch of joy, a bit of screaming. An infant sleeping’s
    a milky sea. A star

    is fire & flower. Divinity
    is beaten out of eggs whites

    into cool white peaks. Friendship

    begins and ends in suspicion, unless
    it ends in death. Ignite

    a glass of brandy in a pan, and you’ll

    have cherries jubilee, sex
    without love’s sodden nightgown

    before your house burns down. Music’s

    a bomb of feathers
    in the air
    in the moment before it explodes
    and settles itself whispering
    onto the sleeves of a child’s choir robe. And

    a candied apple’s
    like a heartache—exactly

    like a heart ache—something
    sweet and red tortured to death

    with something sweeter, and more red.

    -Laura Kasischke

  510.  #510Femininewoman on May 9, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Siren Angel do you feel like you are waiting, like your life is suspended on the top of the roller coaster, upside down?

  511.  #511Femininewoman on May 9, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Starla your post feel like a breath of fresh air in my nostrils flowing down deep into my chest. I read them and felt aaaahhhhhh

  512.  #512Femininewoman on May 9, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Starla your post feel like a breath of fresh air in my nostrils flowing down deep into my chest. I read them and felt aaaahhhhhh

  513.  #513Starla on May 9, 2012 at 10:46 am

    thanks fw:)
    I am feeling lighter and more in touch with myself.

    I’ve been heading down a dishonest path.

  514.  #514ReceivingGirl on May 9, 2012 at 10:56 am


    I’m catching up from the beginning. I feel sad for you. Hugs to you! You are wonderful and you can trust yourself. Believe in you!!

    PS, this is GivingGirl, I changed my name.

  515.  #515ReceivingGirl on May 9, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Sirens, how do you handle a situation where a client is hitting on you (slowly leading up to it), but it’s most likely a conflict of interest?

  516.  #516Starbright on May 9, 2012 at 11:01 am


    lk – love how you described your thoughts and feelings to Radlove.

    The way I see things is there is no perfection. Nothing is always safe. People will always disappoint you. And they will also always amaze you. A dog or a cat sometimes nips or scratches. All kinds of storms and earthquakes and freaky nature takes lives. People will die god does not stop the final inevitable. And horrible things happen in nature such as animals eating animals. It’s all about how one chooses to tell the story.

    Sirens give Radlove huge amounts of support so often in my opinion.

    Life is not perfect and never will be. Expressing oneself is vulnerable. Choosing to shutdown is harmful. Grow or regress are the two options. Life is not completely safe and never will be and that can be a scary thought. I feel the overwhelming thought here is growth and support.

    Thank you to all who share here and all you are going through.

    (((blog))) (((all sirens)))

  517.  #517FlowerChild77 on May 9, 2012 at 11:05 am

    I haven’t been here in awhile…haven’t posted or kept up with reading the blog.

    I need help. I am paralyzed with pain and fear. They say I am still “in shock.” I truly cannot believe what has happened—or what is happening.

    Two weeks ago (I know–it seems like a long time ago, but I’m still ‘there’) the man I’ve been with for the past 13 years called me (as he did many, many times a day) after working for the day at a side job. We got cut off–poor signal, etc. He is very hard of hearing and usually has the tv up quite loud and doesn’t hear his phone—he constantly looks at it to see missed calls. Not all that unusual for him not to answer…

    I thought nothing of it, at first. Tried calling back. Three rings and voice mail. Over and over…three rings and voice mail. I had a horrible feeling in my gut and I was shaking inside. The phone always rings longer than three times. It dawned on me that he’d never hung up…the phone was still open/connected.

    I grabbed my purse and flew out of the house. I passed by the bar he plays cards at (it was card night and on the same street going to his house) hoping he was there and just not answering his phone. No. His vehicle wasn’t there.

    Straight to the house….I knew when I opened the door and it was silent (no tv) something had happened. He was slumped over on the couch with the phone still in his hand. I climbed up next to him to feel the arteries in his neck–no pulse–no breath. I panicked and called 911—it didn’t work so I remembered the number to the sheriff’s dept and called an ambulance through them.

    He had died while we were on the phone. I am SICK with grief and self hatred.

    His estranged sisters (whom he did NOT trust or care for—tolerated, at best) had to be called, as I am not “family.” They live three hours away, but swooped in like vultures. They were all ‘sweet’ and hugging me at the hospital, saying, “We need you, girl, we really NEED you.”

    They are as phoney and two faced as they come. She was asking after his possessions less than five minutes after she walked in. What they needed me for was INFORMATION and as soon as they had that, I became ‘nobody.’

    They both said how proud he was of me and that I was ALL he ever talked about (they made sure to send a Hallmark card every year and call ONCE a year—dropped in every few years unannounced and laughed at him—thinking it was funny that he asked that they call first. They had no respect for him, whatsoever.)

    We left the hospital around 3:30am. By 10:30am they had locked me out of the house. They picked me up to get my car (I had gone in the ambulance) pumping me for information the whole way. I was so upset I wasn’t thinking and just kept talking (FOOL!!)

    They demanded his wallet (it had four dollars in it and was full of plaster–but I couldn’t have it) and his cell phone. I was SO dumbstruck I gave it to them. I was shocked and angry—I asked if they wanted the ring too. I should have said the phone got lost in the ambulance. They used it to call his friends and went around town ingratiating themselves to everyone, as his close and loving sisters.

    *I* should have been making those calls and answering the incoming calls of people who had heard about the ambulance call and were calling his phone wondering if he was ok. ME.

    I asked to be let in the house to get something—anything of his/ours just to hold onto—to have. They let me in, followed me around and “let me” take his pillow and the blanket off of our bed. Then the bigger sister took me by the shoulders and physically SHOVED me out the door and locked it.

    I have been completely SHUT OUT. I am not allowed on the property. They warned me they have, “…people watching the place.” I’ve not so much as a parking ticket; I refuse to humiliate myself by having someone call the police on me.

    I am SO LOST. There was no will and they are his “legal heirs.” ALL the work and sweat and money I have invested in that property means nothing. NOTHING.

    I can’t believe he is really gone. I didn’t even save his last voice mail–it was a real happy, sweet, loving message.

    It would have helped me SO much to BE THERE and to help clean up the house, sort through things, etc. I wanted to just sit there and cry and remember and say ‘good-bye’ to our life and to him….but they refuse to allow me to go there. I’ve overheard them inviting OTHER people to come over to the property and go through the house—but *I* am not allowed.

    In thirteen years I’ve never NOT been able to go there, work in the yard, pick flowers, just BE there. Her answer was a very snippy and shrill, “Well that all changed the moment he died!” I lived there for eleven years with him.

    My therapist, my attorney and anyone else I’ve spoken to agrees that it’s very unusual for them to treat me this way and that they wasted NO time in getting a lawyer and claiming what’s THEIRS. He would be SO very angry about this. This is my WORST nightmare come true. There is NO reason, legal or otherwise for them to do this. None…

    I know this is long and I’m sorry–I know people often skip over long posts like this. I can’t help it. Even if no one reads it, I am desperate to find ways to get through this, as the only thing that could really help me has been taken from me. (Being able to go there and BE there.)

    When I was coming here to this house—I needed to do “something”—I had just found Rori—he gently held my face in his hands and said, “I’m like the geese—I mate for life. You will never be replaced and this will always be your home.”

    I gave my notice last month and was packing up to go back for good. We were going to go off to the courthouse and get married. The guys got called back to work last week–he would have started Monday at his union job after months of no unemployment (ran out) and worrying about losing the house. I’ve been helping him financially since last summer. This all just seems so cruel and senseless. He would have been so happy.

    I vacillate back and forth from feeling completely numb inside—to this crushing pain inside that makes me feel like I can’t breath. I am SO lost…

    I even feel like I could deal with the grief in a more constructive way, if it were not for this added insult and humiliation. I realize I have no claim on the property or anything they’ve inherited—all I wanted was to be recognized and to be respected. I got neither.

    I thought we had time…I thought we would grow old together…I thought everything was going to be ok….

  518.  #518Calypso on May 9, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Hi Sirens!

    Still not a peep from GM or JP and I am still leaning back – I can’t believe how strong I’m being. I don’t care if I never hear from JP again after the weird way our texting stopped, but GM is still alive and well in every fibor of my being – like any good crack fix would be . . . lol. It’s only been 10 days since I saw him last . . .

    Wednesday nights is Girls Night out for me and some of my friends and we go to the same bar every week where we know all of the bar tenders and most of the patrons. It is always a good chance for me to use my feminine messages and practice Circular Dating. I need that tonight.

    I feel like I need male attention right now . . . but i don’t want to give in and ask for it from any of the guys I normally text when I’m feeling this way. I want to lean back and keep my heart open and see who the Universe sends my way.

  519.  #519Jilly on May 9, 2012 at 11:15 am

    ((((((((Flowerchild))))))) Words cannot even say how I feel for you right now

  520.  #520Starbright on May 9, 2012 at 11:16 am

    (((FlowerChild 77)))

    Oh, that feels so very bad!!! Unbelievable! My heart goes out to you!

    And forgive me for not remembering all from your past posts. Was this the property he had an ex wife as inheriting? I don’t remember any talk before about sisters.

    Big hugs to you!

  521.  #521ReceivingGirl on May 9, 2012 at 11:17 am

    @48 FW

    That was lovely. Thank you for sharing.

  522.  #522Daria on May 9, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Calypso – when I need male attention – which is several times daily – I like to respond to some of the men who’ve written me on sites. Sometimes there’s a yummy compliment that makes me feel good

  523.  #523Turquoise on May 9, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Oh Flowerchild, I am so so sorry. Wishing I could comfort you. Please vent / share / spill as much as you want. We will listen.

  524.  #524Jilly on May 9, 2012 at 11:20 am

    lk…@498…wow!! so so beautiful…

  525.  #525Jilly on May 9, 2012 at 11:21 am


    femininewoman… I feel happy your fingers are healing 🙂

  526.  #526ReceivingGirl on May 9, 2012 at 11:29 am

    @76 Calypso

    Can he not come to you? I feel I don’t understand these men who ask the woman, who has never met him in person, to be the one to travel distances to go see him. I feel the man should make the first trip. Maybe I am just old-fashioned? I wouldn’t feel comfortable making that trip.

  527.  #527T-Girl on May 9, 2012 at 11:31 am

    (((Flowerchild))). I am so sorry!

  528.  #528Daria on May 9, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Lamabutterfly – 475: Iamabutterfly says:

    ‘what I should I do? what would make me feel better? I don’t feel like CDing right now. ‘

    — something I noticed: your mind answered u … And you said no. This may be a subconscious pattern of sabotaging your first mind /intuition. I have this pattern too. In my case , I think it comes from feeling resentful of having to do wat I was told as a child and feeling like my wishes weren’t respected.

    I’m glad seeing this in the post, as it makes it easier for me to notice it in muself… I’ve already said no to mu first mind a few times these past 10 min!

    This makes a HUGE difference in my inner peace to tap on and shift .

    ‘I want to take care of myself. To be with myself.’

    You want your energy back, the energy this situation is engaging in your thoughts.

    FW posted a great article recently from a guy named Dr Paul at Mind OS.

    He said the best thing to do w REJECTION, which drains energy from both our human self esteem and our Feminininity in particular as women…

    Is to turn 180 away from the rejecting party, throw up a force field behind you… And … This is very important: IMMEDIATELY while the rejection is even still happening… Open up to other men in the vicinity… Perhaps smile at them or ask them for assistance… Thus will bring in the extra boost from what the rejection drained and the rejection just fades… Way less impact

    I felt so excited practicing this in my imagination… It really feels powerful….

    I’m taking it as IMMEDIATELY accepting a big dose of male attention can bring back ‘myself.’

    I intend to use this a the time, even w small disappointments..

  529.  #529Daria on May 9, 2012 at 11:39 am

    (((flower Child))) please do your best to heal that self hatred. It’s so not necessary or what any loved one wants for you.

    So much hugs for you during this grief.

    I feel moved. I’m so sorry FlowerChild. :(((


  530.  #530ReceivingGirl on May 9, 2012 at 11:44 am

    @101 Radlove

    Hun, he will keep this up and you will keep playing along and feel miserable. You need to decide to no longer play.

    I’m say this from experience. 3 years I spent thinking one day ShyGuy would actually step up to the plate. And, yes, he sort of did, when he was drunk, but when he was sober, he canceled. You see, he would flirt up a storm when he was drunk and he’d run and hide from me when he was sober. I held onto the drunk moments and made excuses for the sober moments.

    I even stepped up because everyone (including his family) told me it was on me because he was so shy and wouldn’t make a move. So, I did and he told me, “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.” Then, next drunken party, he was back to giving that wrong impression.

    He acted with me in ways where strangers thought we were married. Everyone just assumed we were together. Do you know what that did? It kept me off limits to all the other men around because they thought I was taken.

    When I started dating BoatGuy, ShyGuy was not at all happy. Then, he was thinking about making a move. I had to be standoffish to prevent him from it. He (for the first time ever) stayed at my house alone with me after one of my parties for 4 hours, talking to me, helping me clean, with the vibe he was going to make a move. That was very nervewrecking because I didn’t want to have to turn him down after 3 years of trying to get him. Thankfully, I didn’t have to.

    R may like the attention, he may like the drama, and he could continue this and not move forward at all forever. Do you really want that?

  531.  #531Goodheart on May 9, 2012 at 11:47 am

    (((Flowerchild))) My heart goes out to you.

  532.  #532Silver Moonbeam on May 9, 2012 at 11:48 am

    {{{{ Flowerchild }}}}

    OMG this is one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever read, I am soooo sorry for your pain and cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, dear sweet lady.

    Please come on here and spit it all out as much as you like. His sister’s sound like a right pair, how sad it is when people turn into vultures like this.

    At least he must have passed away happy inside knowing you were both moving back together, small comfort I know. xxx

  533.  #533Iamabutterfly on May 9, 2012 at 11:50 am

    @526 Daria – Thanks for your input, but I feel confused.

    “your mind answered u … And you said no.”

    ^ what were you referring to? what specific statement did my mind answer that “I” said no to?

  534.  #534Emerson on May 9, 2012 at 11:56 am