Stop Feeling Guilty When You’re Not Into Him

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I think this issue is one that really keeps us stuck, so I want to talk about it:  How our “niceness” refuses to let us “go out” with a man who’s “pleasant” but “that’s all.”  Here’s a comment from Mary Ann about this very thing, that led to a dialogue:

“Rori, ok, so I just read your Yummy Pie tool email, and I can totally see how this works, but here’s my problem.

There was a time where I could get any man I wanted, I was younger and very attractive and much more confident. (sick how I feel so wrong to say that…like who do I think I am or was?) I found myself in many situations of having to reject men I wasn’t attracted to. I always felt guilty and sad about that and felt that maybe I was doing something to lead them on. I felt better with the guys I knew “could take it” if I changed my mind about them. I guess this is where I began accepting “less” and giving up my power.

As I write this I’m thinking about how guys would always call women “tease” if things got a bit hot but they didn’t “put out”. More guilt and there began my sleeping with men too early. If I state my boundaries up front, will the guilt go away? Is there a way to reject a man without feeling so horrible? Mary Ann”

And then Shannon answered this way:

“Mary Ann: I struggle with this one too.

Does anyone have any suggestions for saying “I just don’t feel a romantic connection”? (For the record, I’ve said that at least twice now and even though it felt good to tell the truth, those words did not feel good.) In most case, I might be feeling good and enjoying the experience but I’m just not feeling romantic/non-friend feelings for the man in front of me.

As for the sex thing, I am struggling here too. This is a matter of me deciding to wait until I know I won’t have bad feelings about it afterwards. I can say “I don’t feel good having sex outside of a safe, committed relationship.” For me, the trick is going to be saying it like I mean every word versus saying it like I’m apologizing to the man for not giving it up! 😉 I need this to be a boundary for me. I cave on this one alot more than I care to admit. I allow my old thinking to creep in and convince me it’s okay in the moment but 90% of the time, I feel BAD about it afterwards. Shannon”

And here’s my answer:

Let’s Change “Struggling” to “TWEAKING”

Shannon – YES!!! When you’re working to reverse old patterns…we’re working from both the outside in and the inside out.

The inside out is the Feeling Messages, the Outside in is the Words – the Speeches.

You say the correct words, and you FEEL stronger. Also – you feel Triggered – and that starts in motion a whole next bit of work for you…you’re unraveling old defenses and patterns…it feels a little chaotic…and that’s FINE. You make decisions that feel bad, and then you make an adjustment – you “Tweak” – and then next time you feel BETTER.

That’s how this baby-step thing works…And at a certain point, after a few days of very intense practice – you can feel how you’re coming to a new awareness – I hear it in all of you…That’s why Circular Dating really works – it’s practice…deliberate and on purpose, and with ways to track what’s happening as you go along…so things get BETTER.

Let’s do this: Stop using the word “struggle.” Just hug yourself when you notice something – look at it as a step TOWARD your happy Ever After – something you will be “Tweaking.”

We are all “works in progress.”  Works of art.  Works of pleasure.  Of immense value.  We each have to find ways to “push the envelope” of our comfort zones in a way that’s physically, emotionally, spiritually “safe” in the very strictest sense – and yet, not PROTECTIVE. Not “Defensive.”

We are doing Strong Surrender.  If we never test our strength by lifting more than we thought we could – we won’t grow stronger.

If we do more things that allow us to flex our intimacy muscles and be successful and feel good, we’ll grow stronger faster.

But there’s just going to be those times when we flex and we don’t feel good.

We have to learn to roll with those.  They’re lessons – see them that way – so that our perception of what has happened creates a good-feeling experience for us in at least that way (that we’ve learned something for next time, and so we’ve grown and gotten stronger even if it doesn’t feel good right now…).

This is how you “tweak.”  You can’t tweak something that’s “perfect” – so why bother being “perfect”?

Embrace the chaos.  You will find your true self and your true love in it in a way you cannot now imagine from the vantage point of where you are.  Believe in the mystery.  Keep tweaking to feel good, not to feel “perfect.”

There’s a lot to write and explore on this – I’ve just sort of touched on it here…let’s get into this tweaking thing big time.

Love, Rori

Posted in

51 Comments

  1.  #1Daria on January 31, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    Hey!

    People were thinking I’m a Pisces yesterday because I’m so into my feelings and flowy!

    hehe

    and Im a Gemini (mental/masculine/brilliant)

    I LOVE not feeling limited by my sign!!!

    i am A GODDESS



  2.  #2Simply Shannon on January 31, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    Needed this one. I’m not perfect… I’m tweaking. Having a bad day today. Gonna take Rori’s advice and treat it like a lesson, not an expression of who I am. I’m tweaking. I do not want to feel bad. Stronger boundary in place as of today.



  3.  #3Robin on January 31, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    Hmm..I was just telling myself yesterday that, as much as i wish it, there is no one phrase we can utter to a man to make him fall in love with us. We are way too different. The world doesnt work that way & it never will. This just isnt a perfect world. And so i let go of some of my expectations. Not 5 min before reading this post i read a mag cover about jessica alba forgeting about ‘perfect.’ Hmm…Thank you for this msg-to God & to the universe. Ahhhh…Heres to not being perfect..



  4.  #4Daria on January 31, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    I look GREAT! I am wearing pink tights under my open toe ankle boots! GASP

    i feel excited!1

    ohhh I EFTd earlier about not having inspiration where to go and wanting to go out
    and i was lik ehmm
    ok i forgot about it

    then way later after i forgot
    2 men called me asking me to go out

    and now im going out with one to a dance club!

    fun!!!



  5.  #5Daria on January 31, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    i feel so excited
    i feel so excited!!

    wowap wowap

    i told u guys im no longer triggered by teh guys coming to pick me up right !!

    look whats h appenin nowwwww yessssss
    so juiced!!!

    what it dooo

    kangarooo pussy lol

    i am nuts like monkey trees



  6.  #6sharon bell on February 1, 2010 at 7:04 am

    Hi Rori,

    I cannot begin to tell you how I think and know you are an “angel” so many things you discuss in your programs have changed my life dramatically. My question for you is once you have these boundaries do you share them with the men your are dating or how does that work I’m a little confused. For ex: Your dating a man and he says you know you can text me sometimes or I thought when you really want something in life you go after it. Another words when your not chasing him. Would my response be I don’t text men. And oh by the way I don’t chase men. How does one handle these types of situations?

    Very confused with not the boundary itself but whether or not to be honest and share with the man. My thoughts and the reason I don’t do certain things. Will I eventually attract men that want to be the man?



  7.  #7Rori Raye on February 1, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    Sharon, what needs to happen here is for you to have a vision for yourself. For your Happy Ever After. Otherwise, you’re just floating around in imaginary relationships. So, the answer is basically the No Girlfriend Speech, where you are Circular Dating, and not investing in any man until a man shows up who wants what you want – who wants to take you to your Happy Ever After. You text him back when he texts you – that’s basically it…so you DO text him, you just don’t initiate contact – unless you need help with something, have a question he can answer – something not made up but that you feel good contacting him for reasons other than TRYING to make the relationship closer. And – ALWAYS be honest. That’s the thing. Tell the truth – even if you ramble a bit – best to write it out beforehand. Don’t hold back the truth, your concerns, your feelings. Love Rori



  8.  #8Lisa on February 1, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    Just putting this out here for anyone who might like to contribute to this story (the contact is listed):

    34. Summary: Are you in an ‘e-lationship’?

    Name: Diane Mapes (national news site)

    Category: Lifestyle and Fitness

    Email: query-29m@helpareporter.com

    Media Outlet: national news site

    Deadline: 05:00 PM EST – 2 February

    Query:

    Looking for stories about men and women who can’t seem to get past the text message/email/IM/social media stage. They wink at you; you email them; they respond with a text message or six; you
    send them your phone number. But they don’t use it. Instead, there are more emails, a few tweets, a virtual rose or two, and a constant stream of texts. I’m especially interested in people who’ve been sucked into an “e-lationship”:

    you’ve run the gamut of a real relationship — flirted, become more intimate, gotten into spats, even “broken up” with the person – all without
    actually meeting. If you’ve gone down this digital path, I’d love to hear your story! No experts, just “real people” anecdotes.

    THANKS!



  9.  #9gina on February 1, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    I think that Jake picked the wrong girl – I think that Catherine was the girl he really liked…it seemed like the two of them knew it, too. Why did he settle? And will he come back for her later?



  10.  #10Tina on February 1, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    Gina , I was feeling more curious about Rozlyn and what happened when she was sent home hehe. She says no she didnt have an intimate relationship with a worker on set. I dunno, every one says yes. I only watch it on youtube when I am able to access high speed, I swear I’m going to get a satellite, I dont want to miss all the drama.



  11.  #11Tina on February 1, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    I seriously dont believe Jake can stay married or even consider it with any of these women. I”m just not feeling it at all. The best he can do is settle, I wouldnt want to be any of these women.



  12.  #12Daria on February 1, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    man

    so this guy is calling me, and I feel Attracted to him, and at the same time, im feeling off balance, and insecure

    i feel like he’s serious and looking for the one, but i dont feel like hes necesarrily into ME

    and im sharing all this with him, which feels awesome and i feel very cool and mature

    but it hasnt really SHIFTED

    and i feel all butterfly and excited but also kinda on edge

    AND now im wondering if its the style of men from this certain area cuz sex man was from the same area…

    oh and now im remembering some other guys from that area who arent like that

    i feel sOO weird

    its like… i know hes looking for something so thats making me feel like i should “qualify” so thats causing major attraction,

    and at the same time, i dont feel quite good…

    and im telling him this,
    and hes almost sounding like upset that like maybe im not liking him, because i feel uncomfortable

    and it all feels odd!!

    also he asked me who i bank with lol and i said im not telling him and he got kinda mad lol

    and then i asked him are you mad at me and he said no but then the energy did open up

    i feel like this great mental connection with this guy but im not feeling the Emotional connection, and i feel frustrated because I LIKE HIM and I feel so attracted to him

    And at the same time hes like well if you dont like me let me know and ill leave you alone

    and i feel worried that i could maybe say something like that but maybe it could be cuz im pushing away a guy i really like because im not comfortable or i run away from men im really attracted to…

    grrr

    he should be calling me back any minute now

    dude

    this feels weird.

    i dont really like feeling this way. excited but frustrated.

    it SO reminds me of how i felt with sex man



  13.  #13Tina on February 2, 2010 at 12:11 am

    My “tweaking” gets me in trouble, not big trouble just messy 🙂 I feel excited about feeling messy.



  14.  #14Tina on February 2, 2010 at 12:15 am

    Daria, have you dated this guy yet?



  15.  #15Tracy on February 2, 2010 at 12:28 am

    I love this post and i feel deep resonance with it…
    I feel that for me….the guilty part of not wanting to be honest with my feelings was because i felt not good enough…I Feel grateful that now i recognize this feeling in me..the feeling of not good enough…and a feeling that things are not right and i need to do something to make them better…Get a better man or a better date…
    I had a date the other day and i felt myself drifting away and wishing i was somewhere else…the guy was really nice but i didn’t feel attracted to him and at some point i felt distracted….
    I feel that to some extent i am looking for a deep connection with men or in a relationship but the big part is that i have to be deeply connected with myself….that’s the missing part..
    So i am going on another date tomorrow and this time i want to connect with myself and see how i feel about it…



  16.  #16Daria on February 2, 2010 at 12:30 am

    Tina no. We talked the first time yesterday and for awhile today. Now he’s supposed to be calling me back but hasnt yet.

    I feel weird how on edge i feel with him. It really really reminds me of the vibe with sex man.

    Also I feel concerned that I may be pushing men away now, well not all men, just the ones I find attractive …

    but really I think its more NOT that and just that I feel weird talking to him

    well i will go to sleep now. I feel still giddy from the excitement of having talked to him, which felt like windsurfing.

    But not quite good.

    I feel good about my ability to notice how i feel.

    oh yeah and I could look for energy coming toward me or being pulled.

    I didnt really feel energy being pulled, I did feel it coming toward me, but it felt not quite good.

    this feels confusing, and i dont feel good! =(

    waah

    i want to be loved my love style like which is words of affirmation. i feel good having told him that actually. he will be keeping that in mind.

    and yes i did spend hella time on the phone like an hour.

    i have been practicing keeping it short, so in a way that wasnt quite what i was going for, but i actually think i wanted to stay on longer than he did

    well we’ll see whatsup when he comes to see me



  17.  #17Daria on February 2, 2010 at 12:38 am

    What I like about this guy is he’s HONEST. and self-assured. and he leads. and he’s looking for a relationship, and he’s got stuff going for himself, and he’s attractive in a way i like

    what i dont like… he seems to have this take it or leave it attitude

    for example he’ll talk about he doesnt want to waste my time or his,

    and he’ll talk about well if you don’t like me well i just won’t call you again, i mean at least i know i tried.

    and im like well that feels bad

    it feels like hes one foot in and one foot out

    and i dont like some things like he seems a little judgemental, in this same vein.

    BUT he also seems to not want to judge people and seems to listen

    soooo I feel odd and disappointed that i dont feel secure talking to him.

    and i feel delighted that i was able to tell him. like i dont feel totally seen for me, or wanted, i like being complimented and to me it seems like its more like youre lookng for someone to fit what you want rather than you want ME

    so yeah. it felt cool to communicate that

    i like that he’s intellligent

    but i still felt not great

    and now that he hasnt called back within the 2 minutes he was supposed to i feel not great either

    but my mind was like wow. this guy is so INTERESTING

    and then on a heart level i felt disconnected and not seen

    that didnt feel great

    i feel so good i caught it! yay!

    i dont want to feel like i did with sex man

    and i also was “figuring” that if i dont feel the emotional connection then he’s not feeling me either

    so this is all feeling kinda not good



  18.  #18Daria on February 2, 2010 at 12:40 am

    i feel kinda disappointed and insecure now cuz i was kinda feelikng like “i attract all men” and now i feel all kinda down thinking about a different guy i like who i leaned forward to my brother to tell him to say hi for me…

    and i was thinking it would be all good because im sooo composed and sexy now

    but now i feel like grr



  19.  #19Tina on February 2, 2010 at 1:31 am

    Daria, I dont understand why men do that either, the “take you or leave you” attitude. I’ve had this done or I felt this done to me once or twice with truck man, hehe.



  20.  #20Tina on February 2, 2010 at 1:35 am

    I think it’s called “taking your power” hehe. What to do when a man starts “taking your power”



  21.  #21Tina on February 2, 2010 at 1:44 am

    Daria, your boy needs to take care of “your girl”. I would still go with ALL MEN ARE ATTRACTED TO ME ! woooooohoooooooo!



  22.  #22orchard on February 2, 2010 at 2:16 am

    Help!

    This is the week that I have to see my husband for the first time in 7 months in a mediated meeting to discuss our five children. But I feel so awful about it I can hardly bear the thought of it, let alone the reality. My heart still feels broken and I still feel so sad about him just abandoning our twenty year marriage so suddenly and traumatically. I just don’t think that I can do it. It would be so much easier if he had just disappeared into a parallel universe and I never had to see him or speak to him again. I don’t want him to see how devastated I am, I don’t want him to even be able to look at me. If I get upset, then he will feel he has done the right thing by leaving this emotional woman, and if I act as though I’m fine, then he will feel that he hasn’t done anything too bad.

    Is there any point at all in following Rori’s rules about leaning back and feeling messages? He just wants a business relationship with me I think, but I just can’t pretend that the last twenty years and all that love and connection meant nothing, like he can. I really believed in our marriage and in our relationship.

    For a lot of the time since he left, I have managed to keep going by trying not to think about him too much, but the thought of actually having to sit in the same room as him and talk to him and see him looking at me just triggers such deep pain and despair that I don’t know how I can do it. Does anyone have any thoughts?

    Thank you so much



  23.  #23Linda on February 2, 2010 at 4:20 am

    Dear Dear Orchard

    My heart goes out to you!… I feel empathy.

    I dont know your story or your history in this relationship. It never feels good to be rejected and the grief we feel over that is REAL. Stuffing our feelings of loss and its fallout, or avoiding them is only a way to cope but is not the way to healing. Your feelings are quite real and understandable. Loss is loss period. I am curious why you would want to hide your feelings, what is the motivation? If this man told you that you shouldn’t feel a certain way throughout your marriage, is that realistic? Why would you not say what you need to say? Why do you feel you need to hide these things?

    I have found that people that tell you not to feel a certain way or to settle down are unable to deal with emotions period. It is a problem in them and not you. My ex husband used to tell me to settle down and tell me I shouldnt feel the way I did about things sometimes. He was and is a peace at all costs type. A sweep it under the rug, dont confront it type of person. That leads to a passionless life and a huge pile under a rug too. Your feelings are yours! Right, wrong, controlled or not… they are yours. Claim them, sink into them, swim in the soup of them if you have to in order find your balance inside.

    I have a personal experience I want to share, hopefully encourage you with during this hard time…

    My father died in 2000. As the time of his funeral aproached I felt paralized. How could I stand then and greet all those people and beyond that how would I get up and speak at his service the next day? The more I though about it the worse my fear and panic and dread grew. I wanted to do ANYTHING else but what was in front of me and on my plate… My mind spun and played out all kind of scenrios. There was a huge lump in my throat and my heart and spirit. Facing this task felt impossible. When the time came… I got up and stood before all the people and spoke. I spoke from my heart and it flowed. When I was done, I sat down and thought. WOW that was not as hard as I thought it was going to be. Lots of the scenrios and the things I had played thru my mind just were not REAL and did NOT happen. I found that I was stronger than I thought and I felt a sense of pride deep inside for actually doing this and facing my fear and emotions…. My pain caused me to reach down inside and find new a strength I did not know I had.

    I found that thinking about doing something hard, something we dont want to do…. is actually worse than doing it. Our imaginations can be our enemy sometimes.

    Claim your feelings, embrace your loss, be real in front of him. Say what you need to say period. He KNOWS what he did is bad, dont buy into the lie that how you act gives him an out. Make choices for you, he is not your concern and what he thinks, says, does is not in your control.

    Hugs to you…. Linda



  24.  #24Lori on February 2, 2010 at 6:13 am

    Linda,

    What a beautiful post! I so felt I wanted to be able to help orchard when I read her heart wrenching post, but did not feel qualified to offer advice in that area. As much as my confidence has grown by leaps and bounds in dealing with OTHER men, I haven’t been face to face with my EX in 4 months now and honestly don’t know if I would be as strong in that situation as I have been in other areas. I feel your post offerred some great advice and encouragement.



  25.  #25Simply Shannon on February 2, 2010 at 6:34 am

    Linda: Beautiful response! “dont buy into the lie that how you act gives him an out.” Love it.

    Daria: I’m learning a lot from what you just wrote. Thank you.

    I feel so apathetic right now, like I can’t even access my feelings. It feels so weird. I feel bored and unmotivated and yet my mind is running a mile a minute with all the things I need to do. I feel stuck. This weather is driving me nuts. Stuck inside, stuck thinking, thinking, thinking, stuck in life.

    I love my stuck feelings. At least I can recognize I do not want to stay in this dark place. Yet I feel frustrated because I don’t know what to do. I want my “boy” to shut up with all this thinking business but I also want him to help me take care of my “girl”.

    Grrr. I need sunshine and warm water and a beautiful sandy beach somewhere.



  26.  #26Simply Shannon on February 2, 2010 at 6:47 am

    I continue to feel amazed. Just wrote the post above about feeling stuck. Went to my pastor’s website hoping for some inspiration. Here are a few random quotes from today’s blog post. I talk about feeling stuck and less than five minutes later, I’m being encouraged. Tears in my eyes. Thank you God.
    – – – – – –

    “I felt stuck…I thought what I had was the very best that I was ever going to have. I was obsessed with the way things were instead of the way things could be…”

    You are NOT STUCK where you are! Whether your life is amazing..or awful…there’s MORE!

    For those who feel overwhelmed, stuck and flat out discouraged…don’t focus on your current circumstances but rather His consistant character–He is HOLY, that means His ways are HOLY (both perfect and awesome)…and He wants more for our lives than we could ever imagine…don’t give up, there’s MORE! (Ephesians 3:20!)



  27.  #27Tracy on February 2, 2010 at 6:47 am

    Orchard,
    I feel bad about what you are going through.I love Linda’s response to your post.
    It always feel so hard when we are stuck in a situation and the mind keeps going over and over again about the past and trying to analyse and find a solution.
    For me i felt stuck most of the time trying to think it over and over again…Rori’s tool have taught me to feel through the good and the bad times…Being in my heart helps me heal and in some way my heart opens up and i am able to get through it….
    I realize now that for most of the time i have been in my head..trying to live my life through my mind and in many ways i have forgotten my heart and my feelings…It feels good to try a different way and it actually works!Hugs!



  28.  #28Tracy on February 2, 2010 at 6:53 am

    Simply shannon….
    Thanks for sharing the blog posts…
    I feel blessed by the words.It feels great to know that i am perfect and my life is wonderfully and beautifully planned…i may not see it all the time that way….but i know deep inside i am a goddess….Yes to a beautiful life and love..hugs!



  29.  #29gina on February 2, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    please tell me if your feeling is totally different (I kinda hope it is)…but I don’t feel at all confident that the Bachelor isn’t gay.



  30.  #30gina on February 2, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    but I guess that shows me a a problem with labeling (like daria and erica were pointing out). Because what I am seeing is just a potential. and by labeling it as a syndrome, I am increasing the likelihood that I will see my judgment manifested in reality.



  31.  #31Simply Shannon on February 2, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    Gina: Vaguely recalling you having the same thoughts about Johnny (about being gay). Random but that struck me just now when I saw your posts come through my email. No thoughts or comments around it, just a vague memory.



  32.  #32Daria on February 2, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    Gina I think the bachelor has some feminine energy (as Rori pointed out in her post).

    It really hit home about teh feminine energy when I was talking to my girl and imagining what it would be like if Jake was my man. I saw him looking at me for direction and puppydogging me, and thinking im so smart and expecting me to make the decisions. I didnt really see him planning stuff or taking charge!

    Reminded me of my highschool boyfriend…

    that said, I don’t think he’s necessarily gay, just has a lot of feminine energy.



  33.  #33Daria on February 2, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    I remember my highschool boyfriend toward the end got me a gold chain, which was sweet, but I didnt really appreciate it much. at that point my feelings for him had faded a lot.

    He was sweet. That was a masculine thing to do and it really kinda stood out to me as “weird” at that time because it didnt seem his usual style.

    hmmm



  34.  #34gina on February 2, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    Yeah, Simply Shannon. That’s true. And I’m not sure what to make of that, either…I guess I sense some dysfunction, or hang up. and I just feel so curious about what it is, cause I feel uneasy and my brain wants to figure it out. But I guess it’s just when a man seems smaller than me or the woman he is with, I question whether he likes women, but I guess it’s just that he doesn’t like that particular woman because she doesn’t build him up.



  35.  #35Daria on February 2, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Gina – whoa I feel triggered about not liking that particular woman because she doesn’t build him up.

    I would feel better that maybe he doesn’t like her because he doesn’t build HIMSELF up or something.

    I do not want to be in charge of building men up (anymore).



  36.  #36Daria on February 2, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    aaack trigger willy



  37.  #37Daria on February 2, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    runs away!!11 lol

    guy from last nite didnt call me back. The one who i felt not exactly good but thrilled talking to

    i feel glad!

    the thrilling off balance felt draining !



  38.  #38Daria on February 2, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    ewww i feel grossed out by the words “trigger willy”

    trigger willy trigger willy

    aaack ew i feel amused and grosssed out



  39.  #39Daria on February 2, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    Rori can we please have a longer Recent Comments bar ——->

    Like 10 or 15 instead of just 5?

    Thanks!



  40.  #40gina on February 2, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    Daria,
    I wasn’t trying to blame him or her. I’m in the middle of watching the latest episode, and I see how there is one woman who is super gorgeous and in the moment and enthusiastic – she’s adorable. She was super feminine, but her enthusiasm made her seem more powerful than jake in my eyes. Vienna, uses her power in direct relationship with Jake, so he shines brighter with her, and appear SO much more masculine and manly.



  41.  #41gina on February 2, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Oh, but wait. No I guess I WAS blaming them as much as I wasn’t…cause there is something happening that she IS helping create. I think it is possible for a woman to emasculate a man. So maybe it isn’t her job to build him up, but it seems like we have to be careful not to bring him down. I think Vienna does do a remarkable job of always having his back.



  42.  #42gina on February 2, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    He’s so cute when he’s with Vienna!!!



  43.  #43Lucy on February 2, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Vienna seems more vulnerable than the other girls to me, and it seems like he wants to protect her a little because of it. It seems like he feels more masculine with her, which is ironic because there was that bungee jumping thing…..



  44.  #44Mary Ann on February 2, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    hey ladies, just wanted to say Hi, I’ve been popping in quick here and there but I’ve been busy. Some of the busy is hanging with J, who is the most wonderful man I have ever been with. It feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced. In relation to this post, he makes it easy to let him be good to me and I don’t feel guilty at all because I realized it makes him happy to make me feel good. We talk about EVERYTHING, and my life has changed permanently. Even if this doesn’t work I am different…permanently.
    Love and miss you Sirens, and thank you so much Rori!!



  45.  #45Daria on February 2, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    yay Mary Ann!

    tell me more!



  46.  #46Daria on February 3, 2010 at 1:44 am

    he really seems to like and comfort masculine energy Ali. She even asked him does he want a backrub.



  47.  #47Mary Ann on February 3, 2010 at 7:39 am

    Hi Daria, warning lol..I’m a bit giddy! I hope things are good with you, I’ve been reading a bit here and there…but am not up to speed!

    Well, I had the most romantic weekend of my life last weekend! He ordered Sushi for dinner and we ate and chatted for a while. We went upstairs and he gave me an amazing massage and then we had a bath, he lit a ton of candles and opened a bottle of champagne he bought. It was red and from the Ukraine…very good!! Anyway, he also bought some super yummy smelling bath gel and a sponge and gave me a sponge bath in the tub…I felt like I was in a movie!! I used feeling messages and he toasted to us and his first time in the tub. (I was glad to hear that!!) We had gone grocery shopping together and made Butter Chicken from scratch the next night, very fun! On Sunday, he turned down an invite to a private party to pick me up from a wedding shower I had to go to and stay home and watch movies. All his doing, I’m so much better at leaning back and letting him row!! My only worry is that we do spend so much time together, I need to make more of a point of making other plans, I’m just enjoying this so much! He talks about the future, taking me camping, retiring somewhere warm. He always calls or texts me first. If I had known it could be this good, I would never have accepted the garbage I took from the men in my past. Maybe I had to be with them to be able to be with J, but I will never let someone treat me bad again.



  48.  #48T.R. on February 3, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Simply Shannon,

    I love your post! I saw a sign about a month ago that said “Patience is having faith in God’s timing”. I have to remind myself that just because things don’t happen right when I want them to, it does not mean that they will never happen. I am continually trying to “tweak” my thoughts and feelings on this subject matter!



  49.  #49T.R. on February 4, 2010 at 12:11 am

    Mary Ann,

    That is wonderful! I am so happy for you!! I had this same great treatment from a man years ago, and I have dreamed about getting that again. It is nice to know that it is still out there.

    Inspiring!



  50.  #50Mary Ann on February 4, 2010 at 6:16 am

    Thanks T.R. I’m glad that it is inspiring! I want everyone to believe that its out there so no one takes the crumbs instead and men will step up because we won’t accept anything less!!!



  51.  #51forex robot on February 12, 2010 at 7:36 am

    Keep posting stuff like this i really like it