Stop Figuring Out What’s Going On In His Head And Start Experiencing What’s In Front Of You

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how to attract menRori,

You have this amazing ability to communicate in the way that really “gets through,” that connects. I was weeping twice during your teleseminar.

While I recognize some of the small bits from the stuff I read or heard about in other conversations, it connects those parts&pieces into a whole that feels stable enough to be able to hold me, with all of my emotional turmoil. It provides what I need – both solid theoretical context (theory makes me feel SAFE, I don’t like following advise that doesn’t really go into details about why&how something works which is how most of the people give advice – you just “should” do “this” or “that”) and the practical tools I can use.

And a great deal of the approach you lay out is simply new for me. I was searching for answers and ways to deal with my emotions a lot on the Internet. It was first when I found your site (through a Facebook link), I felt I got ahold of something that can really help me.

And yes – I trusted, because I find out that even the tiny bits I tried to work a bit on my own (blog/book) actually started to give results in reality.. I hope that’s not another projection of mine.

And here comes the e-mail where the words are probably not that carefully chosen. And where I display typical trait of me: writing too long.

And the more you remain in your head – the more difficult it will be to get connected to the kind of man you clearly want.
Yes, you’re ABSOLUTELY right!! I know that. But I still want to connect to him. Reality is morphable, right? I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT THAT’S POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I connect? With my feelings. And WITH HIM. Not just with “that kind of a man”. How do I connect and not push him away?

What kind of a connection we have and what kind of a connection I want:

What I’m reading is – you are in love with a man who wants only a friendship with you. You value this friendship highly, though it is causing you pain because it is only a friendship – when you crave a romantic, sexual, full-blown connection with him.

Well… yes, you read me quite well. But. The problem is, I don’t even know if he even wants friendship with me… ๐Ÿ™
If I KNEW he wanted friendship, I would be much, much happier!!!

I don’t know how he perceives me. It is ME who wants to be friends with him. Does he want the same? His definitely not “doing” a lot to show that… But CAN he? If he “knows” how I feel (I never SAID that, but I’m sure he knows)?

Maybe he’s scared I’m going to try to push it further, that’s why he’s holding the distance? Going further is absolutely impossible, even if he ever wanted that, which I seriously doubt. As I said – intimate relation is out of a question. It would be completely unethical.

I wouldn’t label our current relationship as “friendship.” Not in the way I view friendship, which I wrote about before.

The current relationship is just official, though quite warm&friendly in tone. Friend-tone in talking, official-tone in correspondence, normal hugs & jokes included.

We do not hang out or spend any time privately at all – but that’s also partly because of the nature of our current relationship (official). We went out to the pub once, but that was ages ago, and there were other people which he invited too.

We see each other (official context) a few times a week, of course not face-to-face, we hold the e-mail contact as I’m the contact person between him and the rest of the group. I have him as a contact in one of my social network platforms. Sometimes, very rarely, we have an SMS-contact. He never writes about anything that’s not related to the official connection.

We had an amazing period of writing e-mails that were not official (the official context was not actual at that time, one period has just ended, and I didn’t know I would have official contact with him again). I was the one to initiate it, but the response was truly amazing. It was always just a response though. I always answered, but it usually took me some time. He usually answered quite quickly, though sometimes he didn’t answer at all.

We were still going around the same subject that got us connected officially, but in a totally mind-blowing, poetic, philosophical way. Extremely inspirational, extremely dynamical. Words breathing, morphing, reaching out, double & triple meanings. Humor. Fun. Pulsing with life.

For me (here I have to be careful of the projection) it felt that there was also something more there. But between the lines. It was as if we were talking about one thing.. but on another level we were writing about ourselves and about our own writing. Hyper self-reflexivity in action. Connecting without actually connecting. Everything in the mind.

Then I wrote one e-mail which was a bit too much and too intense… I made a mistake, stating something that I felt just between the lines (and it could have been me all along..) in the wide-open too soon. Wanting a OPEN (not metaphorical) conversation about it, just to clear out some things, just to know where we’re standing. I formulated it.. well not so “brilliantly”. The contact broke immediately.

No answer. I wrote another e-mail, as I thought it was just one of those times he doesn’t respond to some of my e-mails. This e-mail of mine was even worse, it clearly showed me as a needy, clingy and paranoid person. And I felt I was going through hell. No answer. As I promised earlier first to write one story to the end, I decided to write it ANYWAY, you know, up to three times try. This time, in the e-mail, I drew back.

I distanced myself and created the narrative distance to my previous reactions. And.. what do you know? I got an answer! Not immediately though, it took two days. The answer was much-much shorter than our usual conversation. It still had bits of poetic writing over it, but it was much more detached.

Our e-mail conversation remained detached, especially compared to that period, ever since. That was about 10 months ago.
NOW we write only official stuff. I’m trying to keep that as short as he does.. I only answer now, apart from writing when there is an official issue that needs resolving.

The official context appeared again and he (his initiation) encouraged me to be a part of it.

It was quite good at the beginning, I was fearing he would behave coldly – he didn’t, it was just in writing. It was OK, but I didn’t feel that he particularly liked me. Or disliked me. I felt the distance, though he was never “cold”. I couldn’t read if he likes me or not.

But as the time went and I got involved in the process-based project which involved a lot of working around/through emotional blockades, I found myself in the old spiral of negativity again. If anything positive came up from his side, I couldn’t even be glad because of that. I was ONLY seeing what was missing. Constantly scanning the environment for the signs that he “liked” and “appreciated” the other people (both girls & guys, that is just PEOPLE) more than me. That the hug that someone else got was made in another way or that the person got it more often.

And so on. PA-RA-NO-IA. Of course – the more I searched for, the more I saw. And the more I actually triggered – but that I didn’t understand (it was first when I read your texts I got it), because of my vibe. I was “leaning back” in the wrong way, in a way that was just not sticking out a lot, that was just tensed and filled with pain.

Before the new official period started in February, I read your book and found your YT videos. I discovered your blog. I started the new contact-period with a strong will of transforming the current situation, both when it comes to my clinging, but also when it comes to the distanced I perceived. There were a few surprises along the way.. generally I can say, that though I’m still struggling with myself, and it’s an up-and-down process, I think I’ve actually managed to create a much more laid-back space around me.

And.. that worked! Not in any “spectacular” way, but he begun to initiate jokes, relate to what I say (eh, but almost never when I talk TO him, only when I’m talking to the group), acknowledge me more like it used to be before. And hug me more ;). The last few weeks.. It just felt good. Calm. For the first time in a long time. The positive things FEEL as really positive AGAIN. The writing is still official and short though.

But RIGHT NOW.. I don’t know.. I tried a feeling message lately + sharing a moment.. and I have a feeling (maybe wrong!), that it pushed him back again.. just when the things have started to look much, much better. That’s why I asked you about certain words. Probably I used it in a way that felt needy.. and made him unsure around me again. Ufff..
But more about that in another e-mail. You’ve already devoted a lot of your time to reading through this.

I’m sorry, I have problems with writing short.

Joan

From Me:

The thing is – ALL of this “figuring out” is completely the OPPOSITE of what you want to do.

STOP yourself from all this mental activity and sink into your body and heart.

It will feel scary and weird. PRACTICE.

What will happen is that you will build NEW neural pathways in your brain, and the obsession and figuring out will fade – because you’ll start to enjoy just BEING in the moment MORE.

It is not important what he’s thinking. It’s only important what he’s DOING.

And if you need to know – don’t figure out – ASK HIM DIRECTLY what he’s thinking and feeling – and LISTEN TO HIM!

To All:

I know this is a short answer to a long question – but, really – it’s a short question.

It’s asking for the kind of “outside” answers that are in my programs – in Love Scripts especially – only without all the “inner” work that all my programs – Love Scripts, too – do for you as a powerful COMBO.

The work we’re doing here is all-inclusive. The outer stuff – the words, the body language – work with the inner stuff of practicing paying ย attention to the words and body language.

Once you’ve got the innerย  “noticing” and “awareness” parts of this down, the words and body language you’ve been practicing AT THE SAME TIME all work SO much better and more simply.

It all just comes together in a magical way. The outer feeds the inner, the inner enhances the outer…it all works together.

You start to experience your mind and body and heart working in “concert” – instead of always choosing your mind first.

It’s kind of mechanical, in that you dig in and get your “boy” to help you practice the Tools on real men out in the world – and then that reliability of practice allows your feminine energy to run free!ย  It allows your “girl” to experience joy, have fun, and get what she wants.

I want to combine the best of both worlds – of “giving you fish” and teaching you “how to fish” – AND whenever you’re learning how to do anything, practice is part of the package. So – you eat the fish I give you, and you learn how to fish.ย  One helps you do the other.

AND, the self-learning makes you feel so much stronger, so much smarter and cleverer and powerful and gorgeous and confident – just because it’s something you can do for yourself – WITHOUT worrying about results, because I’m still giving you fish!

So – use the Feeling Messages in the simple formula of “I feel….what do you think?”ย  Or “I feel….I don’t want….what do you think?” – and that’ll get you fish for days!

At the same time – you practice noticing what you’re actually FEELING – and that grows your feeling vocabulary, it settles you down, it shifts your vibe!

Love, Rori

 

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791 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on April 19, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Ok



  2.  #2Brandylion on April 19, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Re #848 (last thread)

    Sirenity wrote, “He calls you regularly,so just let it be his idea to visit then you get to be surprised and extra happy !

    If he doesnt suggest it , then he has his reasons .”

    I found this so hard in my relationship that just ended. We met last summer when we were both at the same university in the same master’s program and started dating. We live in adjacent states, and the drive is about 7 hours including stops. We managed to see each twice/month throughout the fall and winter, but I leaned WAAAAY forward in the scheduling of visits until December. I didn’t just fill my calendar and leave him out of it until he brought up a visit; I often have obligations for school that I know about a month or more in advance. I can easily fill two or three weekends each month, and I did not feel good about seeing each other only once weekend per month!

    I was feeling pretty drained by the holidays, and we had a big issue in the relationship crop up in December, so I deliberately dropped the ball on scheduling visits. I told him I was feeling drained by all the driving I’d been doing–I went to his family for Thanksgiving and visited my parents every weekend in December–so I wasn’t going anywhere at all in January. He brought up in late January/early February that he noticed that I’d dropped the ball on the scheduling and that he tried not to pick it up! He said that his M.O. is to wait until Thursday to figure out what he’s doing for the weekend, and this resulted in him not arriving until Saturday night on three-day weekends for his last two visits to me.

    I had forgotten something about his last visit to see me in February until last weekend, and I felt annoyed and sad and a little angry about it (finally!). On our way to my city for Christmas break after our family holiday gatherings were over, he was in a minor car accident and his car was in a shop near me. It was finally done Presidents’ Day weekend, so he came up to get it. Until he learned Friday afternoon that his car was ready, he was planning to help his grandparents move on Saturday–this would have left no time for him to visit me that weekend. I finally really felt how awful it felt that the man I was seeing exclusively was not including me in his plans for longer chunks of available time! Ugh! (hmm. I feel weird calling it “available time”. Clearly, I saw long weekends as time available for him, but he didn’t see them as time available for me.)

    I wish I’d paid more attention to that and taken his lack of planning throughout the winter as a yellow flag that he was not as invested as I was.

    I have definitely learned a good lesson about the importance of leaning back. I didn’t give him space to come toward me until January, and then he showed me where he really was in the relationship! I feel sad that we didn’t align. I will forgive myself for making this mistake, and I will be more careful in the future!



  3.  #3lk on April 19, 2012 at 8:15 am

    femininewoman, i wrote you a note on the last thread

    love you



  4.  #4Femininewoman on April 19, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Thanks lk



  5.  #5Lush_Oasis on April 19, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Hi, Sirens! *wave* Hope all of you are doing well and staying strong.

    I have a random question that would seemingly have a *duh!* answer, but I’m not feeling whole with the *duh!* answer, so I thought I would put myself out there and get some feedback from you all and see what your thoughts are on my question:

    Is it always 100% expected that Sirens fully function in ‘lean-back’ mode?

    So that is the question. And my confusion and unease is:

    1) I have a friend — only a friend and nothing more — that I only text with and speak to on occasion. I don’t message him first and he is usually the one with the last word. In any event, I haven’t heard from him in over a week and I received a text from him recently that mentioned that I must not like him any more [we never even met] and about an hour later, he sent another message that mentioned that I must not be talking with him any more.

    — Err, umm … the messages were sent *way* early this morning and I wasn’t even awake enough to think straight — and umm — we’re not even dating so ??? I did reply to him a couple hours after his first message stating that I didn’t forget about him; his bday is coming up, and I was going to send a “thinking of you birthday text” or something. But — really, I felt comfortable with our conversation approach as we aren’t looking to pursue anything as for relationship (just friendship) so I don’t get the messages from him this morning. It feels self-deprecating on his part and I feel sad to read the message as if I could (or would) forget a friend.

    — second case study is a CD; we’ve been “seeing” each other for about 2 months, and met about 6 months ago. In any event, CD is *way* busy and has already mentioned that he makes too many decisions for work and would like help making the decisions on what to do for dates, dinners, etc. for when he is not at work. Poor fella is putting in a lot of hours for work and his volunteer duties and has now added fitness training and additional classes to pursue other avenues …. basically meaning that he is double & triple booked with his work life and what not.

    So, without actually going to the effort of making the arrangements for a date (and hoping that CD will join me) and without actually reaching out to *do* anything with / for CD, does it become so wrong for a Siren to just send a simple message to a CD that lets him know you’re thinking of him: a hi; hope all is well. a {{ }}}. a <3. a just thinking of you message …. ???

    I know if I was going through what CD is going through at the moment, I would feel better knowing someone cared enough to root me on … but I keep reading conflicting opinions on tihs topic and am hoping someone can help narrow it to either a "yes" or a "no" (if it even can be).

    Some say that its great to do as long as you have zero expectations of the outcome. Err … well — most messages would appreciate a reply "yes, I got your message … yes, you are seen … have a nice life"

    Some say to send a message first [leaning forward] is totally against the Siren Code of leaning back.

    So — right then — sorry for the long post …. just wanted to see if there was any black / white about this or if its another grey area.



  6.  #6lk on April 19, 2012 at 8:48 am

    They told me

    โ€œThere are no good men out there. Iโ€™m better off without a man. I donโ€™t want any man who isnโ€™t willing to accept me exactly as I am. All the men my age are old fuddy-duddies or want the young girls-.โ€ Blah, blah, blah. (Bobbi Palmer)

    & I believed them ! i fell for it hook, line & sinker !



  7.  #7Mochaberri on April 19, 2012 at 8:49 am

    So sorry to hear about your injury FeminineWoman!!!!!!!!!!



  8.  #8Memulo on April 19, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Starla, it may easily take him a few days to respond to you. Men can be cowardly



  9.  #9April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Thanks Rori, for the reminder about the inner work.
    I feel the inner work as a gentle tortoise, travelling along oh so slowly, munching the grass of life and growing a smile.



  10.  #10lilybelly on April 19, 2012 at 9:30 am

    OH FW!!! I’m sorry to hear about your injury.

    ((((((((FW))))))))

    Owie!!



  11.  #11Goodheart on April 19, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Oh, FW, I felt my breath catch in my throat reading about your fingers. I am hoping you will feel better soon. Sending love & healing vibes to you.



  12.  #12Starla on April 19, 2012 at 9:39 am

    ((((((Memulo)))))))



  13.  #13lilybelly on April 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Sweet Starla,

    I feel super sad to hear that this is manifesting in you feeling sick to your stomach now.

    Big Hugs…



  14.  #14Goodheart on April 19, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Starla, I feel so sad in my heart reading what you are going through.

    The thing that is sitting with me & I keep coming back to is “I may have lost the love of my life over a misunderstanding.”

    It is not possible to lose the love of the right man over a misunderstanding.

    So which thing in that sentence feels untrue? “love of my life” OR “misunderstanding?”

    On the other side of the pain is clarity.

    And on the heels of clarity is peace. And then happiness.

    Like tons of happiness – that unfolds easily & naturally.

    You’re on your way to it.



  15.  #15Starla on April 19, 2012 at 9:49 am

    i wrote up a letter that says i respect his decision but that i would regret it if i didn’t make one thing totally clear – that i want to work it out and hear about how he would like the relationship to be.

    i haven’t sent it. i probably wouldn’t send it for a while. it felt good to write it up, just for me.



  16.  #16lk on April 19, 2012 at 9:50 am

    feeling so….. safe & scared at the same time.

    i feel terrified now that i Live With a man…. & like i have no way to prevent him now from hurting me. & if he is scary, like a wolf ? & i think all the time about my ex getting angry & slamming or throwing things or grabbing or jamming against my skin. SAD. i don’t want that treatment.

    & trying to keep myself safe looks like …… being shut-down & sad… & closing my heart.

    & today i was trying… so shaky & scared…. to communicate & cd said, ” well i’m feeling very unsatisfied” & i got so scared…. but then i was able to get again my love & my Core & my Beliefs again…. & tried again to communicate & he kept trying & it felt so nice to have him say at the end, “baby, i’m not going anywhere. i want to get old with you. i want to see your hair go gray” & also to just hold me when i was saying i feel scared.

    i respect that i have a deep brain & i honor that feeling of overwhelm & fatigue & back&forth ocean movement that takes me so high & low…. & i hold myself & carry myself & i affirm that absolutely i will experience what i want

    & i do not need a “fix” either. these feelings do not need to be “fixed” – i intend to follow the road signs, though



  17.  #17Memulo on April 19, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Thanks Starla. I sent my text earlier this morning. I knew I would hate this away situation. I knew it doesn’t help when stuff like this happens not even 3 months into a relationship. I don’t regret sending it, I regret not bringing it up when we were saying good bye in person.



  18.  #18lk on April 19, 2012 at 9:55 am

    & remembering a really horrible pattern of creating explosive arguments to get affirmations of love

    please, god. save me from myself.

    however, i go back to respecting & honoring my feelings & forgiving myself for expressing them “imperfectly” or “inefficiently” & i’m sorry for hurting feelings & i forgive myself & love myself & i forgive myself for “Staying” in relationships where i felt afraid or unloved or like a Mother & i forgive the men for being young & i love them too

    & i intend to experience “what is” & honor myself & others with love & patience & slowness



  19.  #19Memulo on April 19, 2012 at 9:55 am

    He said last night his son liked The Little Prince book I gave them;)



  20.  #20lk on April 19, 2012 at 9:58 am

    oh, goodheart, i like reading what you wrote to Starla : )))



  21.  #21Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 10:04 am

    (((((((Feminine Woman))))))) So sorry about your injury! Don’t you dare feel stupid, though. It could’ve happened to anyone! Love to you!



  22.  #22Memulo on April 19, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Starla #15,

    I would stop at phone call, seriously girl. We don’t want to tie up anyone and make them listen to us, do we? He has an option to return your call. In terms of respecting his decision.



  23.  #23lk on April 19, 2012 at 10:04 am

    i keep getting weird flashes of the fun, nervous feeling you get when you’re a kid sleeping out in the yard in a tent during the summer…. & you know you’re in your neighborhood…… but it seems like you might get eaten by a lion……. & like…. the feeling that “i have already had to escape from lions”

    & those nights are magical : ) & that moment of joy / confidence when you trust & let go of the nervous fear : )))



  24.  #24lk on April 19, 2012 at 10:17 am

    omg i’m just picturing how shocking it would have been for me to say exactly how i felt & i do see how saying it that way would have instantly gotten me shockingly amazingly good results LOL (((lk)))



  25.  #25Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 10:22 am

    This post makes me feel sad. She is so all up in her head. I wonder what she’s really feeling?

    what do I feel today? I feel kind of tight in my neck and shoulders.

    It would feel good to stand and stretch.

    I feel curious.

    I feel soothed by the gentle rain that we haven’t had in a long time.

    I feel comforted by the conversation I had with my Dad last night.



  26.  #26Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 10:25 am

    remembering a time when I was falling apart emotionally. the feeling messages just flowed out of me. “I feel sad, I feel helpless, I feel inadequate, I feel scared, I feel shaky.” I watched his face melt with compassion…

    the memory feels good. It’s okay to not feel good all the time…



  27.  #27lk on April 19, 2012 at 10:32 am

    i intend to wake, drink brewer’s yeast, stretch, journal, have porridge, kiss, drive slow, work well, sit well, eat well, drive slow, kiss, work, play, kiss, eat, kiss, sleep



  28.  #28LoveAlways on April 19, 2012 at 10:33 am

    This article makes me feel that it’s okay to let go if that is part of feeling and getting into yourself – experiencing everything we do with the tools. I’m feeling disconnected with some of my CDs. They want me to chase them. NOT calling if I don’t call, not going out if I don’t initiate. And I tried it, and it felt so horrible except in one instance. I missed CD song, I really missed him. I told him how I felt and asked to see him. Long story short it was so worth the leaning forward. We connected in ways I could not even describe. So not getting into to his, telling him how I felt and asking to see him was my truth and it served me well. No anxiety to lean forward anymore because it was the connection we were both missing (he made that clear and I felt the same). It’s when I think too much that the situation with my CDs spirals out of control. I’m letting go of everything I realize I was trying to control/manage. If they don’t call, then it’s just another change in my rotation. May the best man win.



  29.  #29Mel on April 19, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Starla,

    How will you feel if you send the letter? I use that as my gauge whenever I feel the need to write something. If writing it makes me feel better and I can honestly say: “There it is… I’ve said how I feel and it doesn’t really matter if I get any response, actually… ” then I go ahead and send it. If I feel my heart saying “ooooh, I hope he understands and replies and steps up… etc.” then I don’t hit send.



  30.  #30Starla on April 19, 2012 at 10:50 am

    Mel, I don’t know, I just wrote the letter for myself and because I always feel good with a backup plan, hehe.

    I think I would feel better. But I thought I would feel better when I called last night, like, okay, i did my part. but after time passed with no call back, i didn’t feel very good!



  31.  #31Amy on April 19, 2012 at 10:55 am

    How do you begin to get out of your head and just feel? I have a HUGE problem with not being in my head and I want to change that. It would feel so good to just feel what I am feeling and not have the extra noise from my head getting involved.



  32.  #32April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I want to date up a storm, build fantastic confidence with men, enjoy their attention, and THEN choose one.



  33.  #33Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 11:07 am

    @31 Amy – what helps me is to drop my thoughts into my body. like, say you’re obsessing over why he hasn’t called. you’re thinking:

    “Oh, he’s probably working late. Wow, he’s working really late. Why is he working late?! I bet he’s out having drinks with his gorgeous co-worker! I wouldn’t mind if he was, but he’s probably going to lie about it to me just like my stupid ex!”

    Instead of getting wrapped up in your thinking, you can imagine pushing the thoughts from your head and into your body. Like, oh he’s working late. That feels tight in my shoulders and stomach. I feel tight. I feel mistrustful. I feel lonely. I feel sad. It’s okay to feel these things. and then you could even tell him you were feeling these things, and create a deeper connection. A lot of times the things you feel are things that your guy is feeling or has felt before, but you have a greater power to feel, identify, communicate, and express them with your man. Once you open up to him about these feelings, you’ll create a deeper connection…

    Make sense?



  34.  #34April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Amy,

    There’s no quick solution. This is all part of the inner work that Rori talks about in this post.

    The antidote to being in your head (masculine energy) is to become more and more in your feminine energy. It’s a path you choose to travel for yourself.
    I’m travelling into myself, towards Feminine Energy at its deepest. To me this feels like ‘strong surrender’. There is no thinking there.

    Hence the programs, the tools and the inner work.



  35.  #35Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 11:16 am

    when you’re in your head, you’re thinking about him and thereby “thinking” in masculine energy. when you’re in your body, you’re feeling and experiencing, thereby “feeling”, in feminine energy.



  36.  #36Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

    I’ve been enjoying using feeling messages with my Dad. I feel like we’re communicating better since I’ve started doing that…



  37.  #37Amy on April 19, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Thanks to you both, lamabutterfly and April Rose. That helps out alot in seeing the difference between being in my head and feeling my feelings.



  38.  #38lk on April 19, 2012 at 11:30 am

    noticing i’ve been super in masculine energy recently… trying to “Sort Out” my feelings… & also “Stop” or “Fix” some of my “negative” feelings that are coming up when i’m stressing about work / money / family / new house / new relationship “status” …….. eeeeee hugs to my sweet self. intend slow, “carried” feeling : )



  39.  #39Jilly on April 19, 2012 at 11:31 am

    ((((((((((((((Feminine Woman))))))))))) sending you healing loving vibes



  40.  #40Jilly on April 19, 2012 at 11:33 am

    lk…I am really loving your posts…they feel bright and vivid and enchanting ๐Ÿ™‚ I love sleeping outside yet feeling a little scared even though all is safe…lol



  41.  #41Memulo on April 19, 2012 at 11:36 am

    FW,

    How are you doing?



  42.  #42Jilly on April 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

    So Monday I felt sooo swirly in the soup with Rugby Man and money…then last night while I was at school he text me that he was buying me a massage and that he needs to know what time to book the appointment….AWWWWW Rugby Man…I feel smiley, soft, warm and melty. My hero ๐Ÿ™‚



  43.  #43lk on April 19, 2012 at 11:51 am

    i get this really deep exhausted feeling sometimes, & all i want to do is cry & be held. & i keep getting “there” – to that deep dark feeling…. – & by the time i’m there i’m too… “tired” ? to Tell Him How I Feel…. & all i can do is feel shaky & silent & shut down

    & i believe in my own strength to say, sure lk, you are changing a million things in your life right now & it feels shocking & scary & up-root-ing…. but one moment at a time, it is not “More Difficult” than anything else. i love you. i love you, cd. you are very very sweet & lovely & i like the way you talk to me & i love you so dearly for saying in a “harsh” voice, “i don’t want to talk to you like this. i’d rather wait a minute to talk about this” &…..

    & i can make myself happy. i am in charge of my own happiness.

    sigh. i feel afraid that *i* am a bit “toxic” right now & it feels honestly terrifying.

    i keep getting these “feelings” where suddenly i feel i need to express myself to CD because otherwise i’ll be “silencing myself” or some ish….. but actually after i do, i realize that i was “just” being Cr8zy : ((( — like this morning, he was cuddling me & being so affectionate….. & telling me how much he loved me & stroking my hair & face…. & not joking like 6 minutes later i was telling him i felt he like i needed more affection. cr8zy

    & obviously, he felt very confused.

    esp. bad because he is SO busy right now (which i knew he would be before i decided to move in!) & so he feels like i’m just mad because he’s busy. but actually, i’m just mad because i’m hurting from the past & afraid for the future…. sigh

    but i DO feel “neglected” & that is because my Normal self/writing/art time is now car financing/job interview&research/home organization/relationship negotiation time.

    good, lk. now attend to those needs. stop talking about it & strategizing about it….

    oh. & cd has been my “Man” now for so long, that i think my own “man” is asleep LOL wake up, lion! actually i do need you : )))) hi, kitty awwww you’re cute! i need stuff from you : ) i feel sad & tired : ) can you help me ?

    awwww he loves me : ) thank you



  44.  #44lk on April 19, 2012 at 11:56 am

    the important thing for me to remember is that cd is a good man & fundamentally i agree with everything that he does & Believes.

    then also, one moment at a time.

    then also, drop urgency & control & outcome

    then also, *i* am living my life; no one else

    then also, there is no Way to Happiness; Happiness is the Way



  45.  #45lk on April 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    feeling so so nervous & anxious whenever i sense that even the tiniest speck of dust is “outside” of My “Plan” for my “Desired Outcome”

    wow this feels like xnorexia. i know this feeling from watching other women try to do it & i feel weird because i know that i’ve been forgetting to eat.

    i love myself & i’m not judging myself. & thank you lk for feeding me delicious healthy big lunch & making plans to feed me delicious healthy big meals.

    & what about what i Really Believe ? about Flow & magic ? i want that

    i feel disconnected from my dreams. a bit hollow.

    i really really really feel like jumping for joy & dancing around the room when i imagine how different my day will be tomorrow when i start with my good hot drink & my journal at the sunrise : ))))

    ((((((LK))))))



  46.  #46Jilly on April 19, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    well…I have been in my head. Trying to figure out if this woman at school hates me or not ๐Ÿ™ That takes a lot of energy…feels so draining…

    It doesn’t feel good…I don’t even know if it’s worth bringing up…

    I felt like we were good friends until I asked someone else to do a treatment on me.

    Now if someone asks me for advice she has an unsupportive comment to make and she says it out LOUD ๐Ÿ™ I feel shocked and sad…

    seriously…



  47.  #47Jilly on April 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    it’s ok (((((jilly)))) I feel supportive of you and know you are doing the best you can. I feel loving and soft and compassionate…don’t you worry…..this will work itself out …it always does…as long as I stay true to myself…I don’t want to feel obligated to anyone…I follow what feels best.



  48.  #48lk on April 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    i know i get better every day

    i know i’m healing

    i believe the dream that says, ‘it may be (alegro)… it may be (adagio)… but it’s always “onward” / “forward” ‘



  49.  #49Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I am SAD SAD SAD…. feeling really crappy!

    Was supposed 2 meet CD 2day n do something but it never happened. Im here with nothing to do im jus feeling like WTF. I feel like crying honestly. I really DO NOT like when plans get cancelled. Im afraid if i txt him n tell him that w/o him asking thats too LEANY FORWARD. im experiencing a bad headache right now. And im actually pretty angry that i lost sleep coming here 2 meet him n we never did meet.



  50.  #50lk on April 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    *allegro



  51.  #51lk on April 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    (((Jilly)))

    aww maybe she feels “jilted” & “Lone-ly” – maybe you could invite her out for coffee : )

    i have a co-worker who i can feel sad around if i let myself. but she is just nervous & enjoys the Drama of being “upset” “unfairly treated” “over-worked” etc. i think… even though it sometimes manifests as her trying to “embarrass” me. it’s actually kind of a “good” thing lol as then i do my job “correctly” so as not to get sniped lol



  52.  #52Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    @45 LK – ((((LK)))) Anorexia is actually an eating disorder that has roots in Anxiety disorders. Be sure to keep taking care of you, even amidst all the stress!

    @46 Jilly – ((((Jilly))))



  53.  #53Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    I feel guilty for saying this but i couldnt even read the letter to Rori in this post. My head was spinning, I eventually got really confused and tired of reading so i skip to Rori’s response. oh my!



  54.  #54lk on April 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    (((Emoticon)))



  55.  #55T-Girl on April 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Amy, I stole an idea from Lilybelly about wearing a bracelet with a heart on it to remind me to get out of my head and into my heart



  56.  #56Amy on April 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    T-Girl (and Lilybelly), that is such a great idea! Wow, thinking about that brought a huge smile to my face. It feels good!



  57.  #57April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Emoticon,
    I did that too.
    I felt impatient reading that great long letter.
    I would much rather read what Rori writes!



  58.  #58lk on April 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    I’m writing an email now to X’s boss’s boss’s boss who invited me to meet with him & bring my resume….

    Hi, R –

    Thank you so much for inviting me to meet with you! I feel very excited about moving more in the Education direction & I feel lucky to have such great resources in the schools I have attended.

    Is there a time that would work for you in the next couple of weeks? It can be a little slow traveling across town in rush hour, but I can usually make it there by 5. What do you think?

    Thanks again,
    Lk



  59.  #59Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Thank u LK ((((((LK)))))))

    April Rose…. totally!



  60.  #60Jilly on April 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    ((((lk))))

    ((((emoticon)))

    Iamabutterfly…wow you sound so soft and warm and grounded…feels good to read… ๐Ÿ™‚

    lk…ok maybe I will be extra soft and warm with her…not to make something happen but to put a love blanket around me tonight at school…that feels happy and pink and fuzzy



  61.  #61Starla on April 19, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Emoticon, I couldn’t read it either.



  62.  #62Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Wow Starla and April Rose your comments made me laugh and not feel so guilty anymore. lol

    Thank u Jilly (((( Jilly))))



  63.  #63Starla on April 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    oh, lk, i feel so jealous of you and cd. it’s like…you guys just came together, no problem. i feel really really jealous. but i only wish for good things for you two:)



  64.  #64lilybelly on April 19, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Awww, T-girl..

    That feels good to know that I inspired someone with an idea…

    YAY!!



  65.  #65Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    @60 Jilly – awww, thank you!! My groundedness really just depends on the day…

    I usually feel spacey and floaty and out to sea and all over the place…



  66.  #66April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Ha ha. I made myself chuckle.
    I was just about to write on here about my desperate urges to lean forward with a man, but I got totally engrossed in your postings and forgot all about him!



  67.  #67Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    feeling so much better after watching my youtube videos lol…. my ass is just so wonderful n i shake it n roll it like a pro



  68.  #68April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    I’ll ‘force’ myself to write it anyway. And I’ll have more fun writing it without the charge behind it.

    Okay, I think I might have messed up (chuckle). No, really April Rose, it’s not a laughing matter.

    April Rose, you DON”T GO ENCOURAGING someone you’re in love with to go and find himself a girlfriend elsewhere.



  69.  #69April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Emoticon,
    Where can I watch the video of your wonderful ass?



  70.  #70mali on April 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    This post feels as though it was written for me =)
    You know, I get so caught up in trying to figure things out about men, simply because yes- I’m an overanalyser, and also because I’m SO in-tune with people, that I can feel their energy, and know how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking.

    I tend to do that. But leaning back…. feels so… blissful. So calm, so free. I can just… BE. Beautiful. I can breathe.

    I am beautiful. I am more than enough. I know that. I will stay in this headspace so the right man can claim me, in my complete femininity <3



  71.  #71lk on April 19, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    wowwwww i am not a grown-up. i wore a tight pencil skirt to work today & just tried to sit “indian”-style (cross-legged) in my chair & heard the back seam start to split



  72.  #72Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXjIVHeFZiE&email=comment_received&lc=6hTOfCYuU-7OqrbX2iVcrjc5G-B23-0Wj3Nyy0_2Et8&lch=email&feature=email

    April Rose…LOL the ass in the plaid is my cousin n the ass in the blue is me. We like making dance videos! I want to make some more!



  73.  #73mali on April 19, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    FW, Oh I’m so sorry!! Please don’t be angry with yourself… Sending you love and compassion and warmth and hugs <3



  74.  #74Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    LK wow!!



  75.  #75lk on April 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    i don’t need feedback for all my spam LOL….blush… um…. but i’d really love to hear what women think about a business-related note i wrote in #58 – i’m tryna make some Big Moves career-wise : )



  76.  #76mali on April 19, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Emoticon: I LOVEEE it!! ๐Ÿ˜€



  77.  #77lk on April 19, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    @iamabutterfly…

    thank you : ) yes, ” I have an anxiety problem ” LOL

    but ! admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery ?

    wow, i think that’s the second or third time i’ve written that sentence out & every time i actually do feel that saying it out loud & accepting the “general idea” that I do have an Anxiety “problem” actually *IS* the first step to healing : )



  78.  #78Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Thank you Mali ๐Ÿ™‚



  79.  #79Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Thank you Mali ๐Ÿ™‚



  80.  #80lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    emoticon……… that is AMAZING omg i love it



  81.  #81Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    the letter in the post did feel exhausting to read. imagine how our men feel when we are all in our heads thinking like this!



  82.  #82April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    This is about EM, the bad boy, the man who lives in the woods.

    Why he’s been labelled bad-boy I just don’t know. (Well, I do… it’s that look of danger in the eyes…)
    Well, he calls all the time, wants to see me a lot, pays for dates, and seems to be an excellent candidate for my requirement of ‘Must Adore Me’.

    I said I couldn’t really do dates anymore. He said he shouldn’t really be trying to steal someone else’s girlfriend, and should get his own. I agreed. It was a momentary agreement when I was feeling pressured by him coming on too strong. I panicked for fear of hurting/losing WM (who I currently live with).

    After telling me how he really really likes me, he said “okay, no more hugs. Or just short ones”. We had a short hug, and I left.

    Since then, we have seen each other every day and I am getting more and more fond. Oops, so much for asking him to back off.

    But tonight he is going dancing, where there will be single women. He didn’t want to go. He wanted to go out with me instead. I told him I was going to honour a date I had booked with myself. He asked me should he go. I said that was his business and I wasn’t going to interfere.

    So, he may go and get a girlfriend tonight….

    I trust the Universe for her wise outcome.



  83.  #83mali on April 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    lk: I KNOW right?! Daa-yam girl, that ASS- where did you learn to shake it like that? I’d love to be able to do that, since I have a curvacious ass ๐Ÿ˜‰



  84.  #84Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Mali! It feels so reassuring and warm to see you on the blog again! <3 <3 <3



  85.  #85Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    LK thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Mali just SHAKE IT….haha



  86.  #86Starla on April 19, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Things Starla loves doing:
    1. Shaking her booty



  87.  #87Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Go Starla!



  88.  #88April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Starla,

    Please make a video.



  89.  #89lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    i want some feedback on a note i want to send. i’m not sure if it’s professional enough. i serve on a board with this person & have met him numerous times pseudo-socially over the past few years… i had a quasi-interview with him a couple years back while i was still in school & he said i’m not qualified (obvi – no degree) but I did work for free for a while to get some experience (i did this all around the community) & he has invited me to meet with him & bring my resume….. dream job potential & i feel nervous.

    i also just want to meet with him to talk. i don’t have any expectations, except i hope that if i’m not “qualified” or “appealing” as a current candidate, i hope he will be able to give me guidance as to how i can improve my credentials : )

    Hi, R –

    Thank you so much for inviting me to meet with Industry direction & I feel lucky to have such great resources in the schools I have attended.

    Is there a time that would work for you in the next couple of weeks? It can be a little slow traveling across town in rush hour, but I can usually make it there by 5. What do you think?

    Thanks again,
    Lk



  90.  #90April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I don’t think I can shake my ass or booty.

    But I can wiggle my bum!



  91.  #91lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    lol i cut out part of it accidentally : (

    Hi, R –

    Thank you so much for inviting me to meet with you! I feel very excited about moving more in the Industry direction & I feel lucky to have such great resources in the schools I’ve attended.

    Is there a time that would work for you in the next couple of weeks? It can be a little slow traveling across town in rush hour, but I can usually make it there by 5. What do you think?

    Thanks again,
    Lauren



  92.  #92Starla on April 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Things Starla will not be doing:
    1. Making a video
    ๐Ÿ˜›



  93.  #93lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    starla, i can’t tell why we don’t hang out every weekend. let me see that xss drop ! lol



  94.  #94April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Lk,

    I liked your first draft better, with the part about feeling excited.

    Hmm. How to ask for a meeting time and make it seem like their idea? Hmmm…



  95.  #95Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    @82 April Rose – I feel so curious about your situation. It must feel tricky to be living with one man and very interested in another man.

    I prayed one night to God, and said “I surrender my love life to you.”

    In walked SeenmecryCD, with whom I connected with strongly that night and later on as well, and soon after that? he got a girlfriend. or I should say, the girlfriend got him…

    What is God trying to tell me? He’s not the right one? He is the right one, but now’s not the right time?

    it can feel confusing…

    I definitely have more to learn from my other CDs. but a lot of my CDs just make me wish I was sharing my heart with him…



  96.  #96Emoticon on April 19, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    How exciting would it feel to have a Siren Island party? ahhhh



  97.  #97Daria on April 19, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Yeee first day of my experiment of… Goin back to texting! And I feel good and connected answering the 5 Papis from this morning!

    Yayyy ๐Ÿ™‚

    I want to not cause myself stress getting pist everytime I receive a text

    I want in person stuff and I am letting the men take it there and letting the connection be short and in a way that feeds ME

    ***
    A part of me wants to yell wtf! Get out of my face LOSER !!!

    Yawn

    I’m writing it here

    The feeling is

    Frustrated

    Angry

    Sad

    Very very angry and it feels unconfortable!!!

    I don’t wana be touched!

    Rargh

    Hitting baby

    Boom

    I’ll slap you

    Bam

    I feel mad

    Oh I felt scared

    Ouch

    Angry feeling baby

    Yawn

    Twitchy

    Tingly

    Rargh



  98.  #98lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    dah i’m ruining the blog : ( i triple posted something & i used my real name ? internet party foul : ((((



  99.  #99Starla on April 19, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    LK, replace the ampersand with the word “and,” and you’re good to go, darling!



  100.  #100April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    How about “I feel delighted by your offer to meet with me and talk with me about…. I’m happily looking forward to your suggestion of when would be a good time to do this.”



  101.  #101April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Starla,

    I feel there could be so much value in you making that video….



  102.  #102lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    thank you for reminding me, starla : ) i do love my ampersands : )



  103.  #103lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    april rose, i hear you & i agree with you that starla should make a video ASAP : )



  104.  #104April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Yes, thank you for saying that, Youarebutterfly!

    It feels dang tricky living with one man and being sweet on another fellow.

    Sigh.



  105.  #105mali on April 19, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    @ lama- 84: Eee, I felt so warm and cherished reading that. Thankyou darling! *shakes ass* hee hee ๐Ÿ˜‰



  106.  #106lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    i wish i were so much cooler. i sent it from my personal email in the middle of the work day with no Real Signature.

    however, none of those things are related to my ability to achieve my goals & live my dreams : )



  107.  #107April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    I’ve often fallen into any old ‘instant relationship’ that presented itself to me. It’s all seemed rather random. If someone liked me – okay, I’ll be your girlfriend. Duh.

    I didn’t know about SELECTING a partner, and what that involves.

    The time has come to own my choice of partner. I’ll hold auditions, try-outs. Hundreds, if necessary!!!

    I want to date up a storm, build fantastic confidence in myself around men, enjoy their attention, and THEN choose one.



  108.  #108April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    I’m putting together a questionnaire for every potential suitor to fill out.



  109.  #109lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    feeling so empowered seeing all the great ways i can start caring for myself again….. been busy, but i can’t get anything “done” if i don’t Feel Good



  110.  #110lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    school is a great job for me, since it’s 30 hours / week (kind of)

    plus i can teach yoga then : ) & they will pay for me to get certified ! & they will pay for my CE courses…..

    i remember my teachers getting to go on trips… like my high school english teacher got sent to a Workshop in italy : ))) & she was telling me how she just sat in a cold bath drinking wine & eating cheese & writing poetry the whole time she wasn’t “in class”

    i realize this is “fantasy”…. but hey ! i Want That ! i want to live my fantasies : )



  111.  #111Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I feel tempted to change my name to “Llama siren.” hehehe. ๐Ÿ™‚



  112.  #112April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I am so tempted to text EM “did ya go dancin’?”

    I see that this is not fair to the man. I will NOT lean forward thus.



  113.  #113mali on April 19, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    lama, DO ITTTT! ๐Ÿ˜€



  114.  #114April Rose on April 19, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Starla,

    You haven’t posted in a while (half an hour or so)

    I take it you are busy shooting a vid.

    : )



  115.  #115lk on April 19, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    @Starla

    that feels good to hear that you think that CD & i sound good : )

    i have been feeling tender & a little fearful…… since i have SO much processing going on right now….. & so much in my life is in various degrees of upheaval



  116.  #116Iamabutterfly on April 19, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    I’m trying to figure out how this one guy makes me feel. With him, I feel beautiful. With him, I feel mysterious. With him, I feel rare and prized and special. With him, I don’t feel like “just another girl,” even though, if I’m being honest, he could have his pick. But I don’t feel like a “pick” with him. I feel like a prize with him. I feel like THE prize with him. that’s how i’m supposed to feel, isn’t it?

    I feel completely safe with him in every way. I don’t feel any doubt at all.

    I don’t feel like we know each other well enough to be feeling this way…?



  117.  #117Daria on April 19, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Ouch for some reason I felt so Bad in my chest when Starla said she won’t be making a video.

    (this post and any epithets used as I process are Not directed at starla)

    I felt shocked running and stopping up short

    Blank and co fused

    Got my hand slapped

    Now angry

    It felt good to have fun!!!!

    Soooo angry now

    Ouchie! I don’t want to feel this way!!!

    Feeling Verrrrrrrrry mad!

    Rargh.

    Feel like bursting into tears

    Ugh!

    I haye when people smile and politely tell u ure not about to have fun.

    Hehe Daria won’t be getting that you!

    You fake Bit*ch! You’re always cold smiling you shut down mean cold fake acting too good bi*ch!!!

    This is not about Starla if that’s not clear.

    This is about my mom.

    I feel Furiois.

    Furious!!!!!!!

    Can I make furious capital and fast flow? fURIOUS !!!!’

    Rarrrrttrrrtrrh

    I feel my tongue wiggling

    I feel soooooo angry

    I hate that feeling of shock and confusion

    And ouch

    Blind side me

    Angry

    Aoooooooooo mad

    I love mu anger I love mu hate

    I feel like I can’t handle those feelings I said as hate

    They feel do awful

    I do t want to feel that way

    I feel vulnerable and powerless

    I feel spooooo uncomfortable (replaced hate). Feeling this way

    I love me

    I’m feeling a lil calmer

    Mmmm

    Tingly leg and beating chest a f tightened boooty

    And quivering cheeks

    And fuzzy head. Dizzy head

    Sadness

    Sad

    Dussapointment Anger!

    Anger!

    We never do the fun st tiff!

    you always act like a cold fake bit ch around other people

    I feel so mad at you! I hate you!

    Rarhhhhh

    I feel furious

    Tingly mouth

    Feeling so mad

    I love my anger

    I love my feeling mad

    I love my sadness crushed ess crying

    Still feeling so angry

    I don’t wana feel this way!

    This feels so unconfortable!!!!!!

    I feel mad to feel this way

    Soooooo mad

    Omg

    Tight booty mad

    Pout mad

    Mad mad mad mad mad mad mad

    And sad

    Dissapointed

    Sad

    Quiet

    Sad

    So sad

    So powerless

    Always powerless hopeless

    Never my choice never respected

    So sad

    Crying

    I love me

    Olive my crying face

    I love my sadness

    Fear!

    I love my Nger

    I will be punished for expressing it

    More sadnesss.

    More feelin like cryin

    Yay I shifted the belief that I will be chastised yelled at punished and catch a beating for expressing my anger!

    No wonder I was even scared to FEEL it

    Am huffing out my nose

    Uhoh I ‘made her sad’

    I feel unconfortable w this feeling and want to jump and make better, be all nice and loving

    I feel GUILTY

    I love my guilt

    I feel so unconfortable with it

    Feeling it

    Wahhhhhh I don’t want to feel this way

    Fix it fix it apologize

    I feel guilty slapping my godsend hand when he stuck it in the power outlet

    Waaaah

    So giltu I ruined our relationship forever

    Thanks. Mind

    I feel trembly

    Vulnerable not knowing what’s happening next

    I felt crushed reading that post.

    All the other stuff came on top of it

    Dissapointment

    And blankness confusion

    Wow did I really feel thru that stuck anger???!!!

    That feels exciting to think

    Yayyy!

    I feel my root my tailbone warm and pulsing

    I love me

    I love my fear

    I love my tingly fingers

    Apologize apologize apologize

    Wow this is how I felt!

    I’m sorry for using attacky words

    Ok I put a disclaimer up top

    Now I feel relieved

    Yay

    I feel happy w myself to get under the attacky words to mu feelings and process this trauma out

    I’m healing

    I feel excited that this is healed and now it will no longer trigger me

    I am sooo powerful and skilled ! !!!

    Fuchkin wow

    My tongue is still feeling tingly and my spleen and my root

    I give myself peisdion to gently and comfortably feel all this out and release any energies related to it from mu tissues from my energy system from my subconscious mind

    There’s a part of my being that already is doing this for me

    And I appreciate it

    It’s coming out in this extra saliva



  118.  #118Starla on April 19, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    april rose, dang girl, you’re all over this, huh;)?

    hehe i’m too shy to post videos or really even dance in front of other people like that.



  119.  #119Anais on April 19, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Re: Lush Oasis #5, For the friend, I’m not sure what to make of his comments either since you haven’t even met and have platonic communication, but it sounds like you have a lot of power in the situation.
    I don’t see anything wrong with wishing him happy birthday…but does it bother you that you haven’t actually met, or are you fine weith the fact you’re only keeping in touch through electronic communication?

    As for your CD, I would continue leaning back and not initiate any “thinking of you” text messages. As innocent and casual as they seem, he will likely feel as if you’re chasing him. When you hear from him, maybe it would be good to deliver feeling messages like “it feels good to hear from you” etc



  120.  #120Starla on April 19, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    (((Daria)))



  121.  #121Daria on April 19, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    I’ve been wanting to make dance videos for hella long it’s one of my dreams

    I’m still blowing out my cheeks and brrrr my lips

    Still squeezing energy from under and around my tongue

    And in my body

    I feel uncomfortable feeling like this

    I feel ‘unfinished’. And I don’t want to be in my body

    I want to Do stuff right now

    I’m feeling afraid of being attacked for expressing this way if I’m seen

    I refuse to be in my body

    Ok I’m in my body now thank you yay

    I’m drooling and spitting like daffy duck and I feel icky

    They said drooling is icky! And boogers are icky!

    ***

    I feel angry

    I used to beat up kids who acted ‘stuck up’ to play like me – in my mind

    I don’t wana do that I want to express non violently

    Cone play w us in the mud!

    I Won’t be doing that ! W nose in the air

    What why? Feeling crushed and confused.

    It feels fun see! :). I wana share w u.

    My family says playing in the mud is disgusting.

    I feel angry!!!

    And awful under that

    Sad

    Unseen unhonored

    Soo angry shaky hot powerless crying feeling

    Crushed

    Awful

    — noticing I do the same I won’t be doing that w no explanation to ppl all the time!

    Cuz it traumatized me and it seemed like Power!

    I want to heal this, all of this

    No I don’t like fighting

    Oh yeah? Well I’m gona kick ur a*ss!!

    Feels thrilling!!!! Yeah get em!!!!

    And I don’t wana feel like that anymore

    I don’t wana express like that

    I want to express nonviolently

    I told Georgiana to throw a rock at his head and it busted his head open

    I felt kinda shocked and a bit scared

    I want to heal All this

    I feel my guts churning

    I feel do glad I’m in this and healing this

    I honor me

    I’m shifting to new ways of expressing my rage other than yelling and beating

    ((((me))))

    This is how I learned Abt being honorable

    Honorable was Destroy those who put you down

    Who you felt put down by

    I’m willing to shift that now

    Mu thigh feels hot and unconfortable

    Pulsing

    I honor my pulsing thigh

    I feel sad now

    Sad

    I love my sadness

    I feel all drools

    I’m releasing the adrenaline in my drool

    Thank you me

    I honor the panic I feel feeling drool on my lip



  122.  #122Daria on April 19, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Thanks Starla!!!

    Hugs felt grrrreat :). To read

    So wonderful

    I felt scared and undeserving of hugs I was expecting attacks punishment and beatings

    I fels scared of those

    I can handle them

    Better just shut down ahead of time so I can be numb when it happens

    Ouch

    (((((Daria)))))



  123.  #123Starla on April 19, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    my best friend finally gave me permission to tell people that she’s pregnant! yay! I’m gonna be an aunty:)



  124.  #124Starla on April 19, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    one thing i think will be important for me to do is to not get too involved with anyone, emotionally or time wise, for a while. i haven’t been truly single for many relationships. i jump and jump and jump.

    i thought i lucked out with this last one. i thought my search was over.

    it’s okay

    (((((((starla))))))))))



  125.  #125Goodheart on April 19, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Aww, yesterday I wrote on the blog that I want to be more flirtatious. Well –

    I just smiled (very briefly) at a man standing in line behind me at the store.
    He leaned in & said, “I hope I’m not being rude, but you’re very pretty.” I smiled big & said, “Thank you. That feels nice to hear.” Then I walked up to the cashier (also a man) & he was totally flirting with me too!

    I feel so girly now ๐Ÿ™‚



  126.  #126Starla on April 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    quiet blog



  127.  #127Starla on April 19, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    All is not lost, and I have much to focus on. I am really going to enjoy this time to myself. Things I can focus on to feed my life and my soul and my little girl:
    -My new website! So excited!
    -The language I hope to create
    -My physical fitness
    -Belly dancing
    -My home (temple:))
    -My own habits in general
    -Overcoming fears
    -Getting enough sleep
    -Going somewhere new for a quick vacation

    basically, I’d like to create a life and a set of habits for myself that are so strong that when I am in my next relationship, I won’t risk losing myself in it.

    I actually did the best I ever had in my life with CF, in terms of not losing myself. I have Rori and myself to thank for that.

    But I often felt off balance. And that was on me. I feel bad for putting that on him, even just energetically sometimes.

    And I am powerful and sweet and beautiful.



  128.  #128Starla on April 19, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    -go on a foreign vacation to perfect one of my languages
    -buying a car
    -saving money
    -cooking healthy
    -maintaining strong relationships with the friends i like best



  129.  #129Starla on April 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    -achieving more perfect teeth, by remembering to floss more and getting them whitened:)
    -taking really nice care of my long, awesome hair
    -laser hair removal! yes! this is a big one for me because my body hair in certain places makes me less open sexually and i want it gone.



  130.  #130Starla on April 19, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    i feel really excited for what’s ahead. i think i am going to go in the bathroom and put on some makeup to show myself some love and self care.

    ((((((((starla))))))))))



  131.  #131Dominique on April 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    lk – your note is awesome.

    xxoo



  132.  #132Dominique on April 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Femininewoman – sending you lots of healing love energy.

    xxoo



  133.  #133Dominique on April 19, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    lk – the original one.

    xxoo



  134.  #134GingerSky on April 19, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    ((((((((( Daria) ))))))))) I love you loving & living your raw honesty & energy. A *lot*



  135.  #135GingerSky on April 19, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Im online again, Sirens, but again only for a few minutes… am recovering from sickness gradually & hoping to be online again to post & reply to emails tomorrow.



  136.  #136Starla on April 19, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    -meditation and visualizations
    -Law of Attraction exploration and fun



  137.  #137Healing Waterfall on April 19, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Hey lovely Sirens,

    Hey, i couldn’t read that long letter either….he, he.

    I couldn’t read all the posts either.

    So I am sending you golden light Feminine Woman, I am sorry to hear that you have an injury.

    Please let me know if you would like me to hold your name in my heart while I sit in Braco’s gaze. Only if I have your permission or to send you healing. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I am feeling so glad to be home and not out and about. When i did my last tarot card online reading, that’s what it said, i would be craving solitude….

    and here’s what Lena the astrologer has to say about the new moon coming up:

    from power path school of shamanism:

    New Moon is Saturday, April 21 at 1:20 AM Mountain Daylight Time. For this new moon we suggest spending a few hours in the power of silence. Feel the power of the still point of the new moon and honor the still point in yourself that allows for things to be reset if needed. This is the great void where all possibilities exist. See if you can become aware in your silence of the void and its power. From this place, anything is possible and that is a powerful place to be.

    Recently the earth has shifted her assemblage point. The recent and very deep earthquake activity has created an opportunity for the earth to reset certain patterns that will be taking us in a different, more conscious direction. As the earth supports us, we should also do what we can to reset our own personal assemblage point, our priorities, our points of reference and our patterns. All you have to do is be willing.

    Blessings, Lena



  138.  #138Lush_Oasis on April 19, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    @Anais #119

    Thanks for your reply! I feel relieved and appreciate your time to reply :-)!

    To answer your question IRT the friend — I feel completely content with how the relationship is only as “penpals”. I do not feel any desire or ambition to pursue an actual meet & greet with this person … but I feel grateful for his friendship.

    And as for CD = as many Sirens already know, it can feel sooooo frustrating to *wait*; yet I agree with your suggestions to wait for CD to contact me first. … -tick tock- -tick tock- ๐Ÿ™‚

    As I seem to be a recovering over-functioner with a Type A personality, waiting was not well-defined in my dictionary. Ugh! LOL … all is well.

    Thanks, again {Anais}



  139.  #139Healing Waterfall on April 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Hi Starla
    How does your makeup look now and are you enjoying your temple?

    you are doing alright, girl!

    Love to you!
    Liz



  140.  #140Lovee on April 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Thanks Rori I’m going through the same thing the women who wrote you above is going through. Sadly things are not going so well for me… in fact, things are horrible. I’ve been talking to this guy for months now and we’ve been through ALOT. My feeling have grown tremendously for him and to make a long story short I want us to work, but things are not going well. When we first starting dating he was the chaser and did everything to get my attention and time. Now without warning and many months later I find myself becoming the chaser. I don’t know how this could have happened! He hasn’t contacted me in months and I’m ashamed to say this I contacted him first; a week ago after pouring my heart out to him a couple weeks before via email. He responded with a one word text by the way when I expressed my feelings. I know what a jerk, but he didn’t use to be that way. Now it’s like he has my heart on a string and the more I try to show him what he’s missing the more this string is lowered and the closer my heart is to being completely shattered. Please Advice is needed before i do something else wrong to push him away futher.



  141.  #141Tam on April 19, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    So Ladies, what would you say if you stood between two men. One who always stepped up, ran forward with the relationship, said that he loved me very early on (I thought it was too early), and was even hinting at marriage. The only complication was kids and ex wife and different styles of living, and that he would not really make compromises around his social life. There were some ‘minor’ issues that upset me, and were not open for compromising from his side, but only mine…

    So then all of a sudden Mr emotionally unavailable (not very affectionate, never talking about feelings etc) turned up for the third time in two years. He started stepping up (I leaned well back from both guys)….called, emailed, took me out on lovely outings, very thoughtful – and I fell for him again. In fact, I do know that he also has feelings for me as he has not been with anyone else in 2 years, it has always only been me – and I can feel the love – well, he had lots of troubles in job and private life so things never worked out with us.
    So this time when he came back, I was with Mr Perfect (above) and asked him (Mr unavailable) that there would be ‘no sex’ as I will only do this in a relationship. He did not know that I was serious with Mr Perfect, but he knew about him.

    So Mr unavailable did exactly as I told him and did not try to touch me or kiss me all this time (weeks!)but just wanted enjoyed my company…I even stayed in a separate room in his house for a weekend and other than a goodnight kiss he tried nothing!!!! He told me that he wanted to show me that ‘this is not all about sex’ – and it made me fall for him more!!!
    Because Mr Perfect (see above) was very much about sex (even said it was the most important thing for him in relationships) and would get ‘moany’ if we did not make love for one day!!! So a week ago I pushed Mr Perfect and my real relationship away, dumped him and now I am in limbo land with Mr unavailable, as he is still unavailable and does not mention the word relationship or girlfriend or anything about commitment. I have met his family, friends etc by the way.

    Mr unavailable still contacts me but I am leaving country in a few days and don’t think he will step up and ‘ask me out’, which would make me stay ( I do have my own place in the country he lives in but am renting it out for financial reasons…and moving back to my home country). I know he is insecure around women, had many disappointments and is somewhat inexperienced at relationships – despite the fact that he is well over 40 – though he did have some long term ones (5 years).

    Do you think I made the wrong decision pushing my ‘real’ relationship and ‘real’ man away? I have a strong connection with Mr unavailable because we can just sit next to each other for hours and talk, or not talk, or do whatever – it just feels right!!! I feel safe and cared for and at peace when with him…but he does not seem able to do or want relationship, and he is not good at making future plans. All I can do is sit back and now I feel that I have lost the good guy who was able to do relationship and marriage and have only half the other guy who will never step up fully. Or will he? Who knows!!

    Would you just lean back further in my case, even though I am potentially moving away in a few days – which I don’t really want? Mr unavailable does all the contacting and making plans but I only hear from him every 2-3 days and we might not even meet before I leave…and there is so much unsaid.
    What to do???????

    xxx



  142.  #142Radlove on April 19, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Hi everyone!

    Whew, have I been busy! LOL, I stumbled on a really effective Craigslist ad!!! I was just cruising thru the “Strictly Platonic” section and I found one sex ad after another!

    So I posted this:

    WHAT ABOUT “STRICTLY PLATONIC” DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????? – w4m – 47 (SLIMEVILLE)

    Date: 2012-04-18, 3:15PM EDT
    Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here

    I am so sick of going in the STRICTLY PLATONIC section and finding appeals for sex.

    There is a whole section for perverts! It’s called “Casual Encounters”! Use it, so people like me can search the ads without feeling slimed.

    I also posted a photo of Siren Island, something I got off the internet. Next thing I knew, I had one response after another of men who wanted to be just friends and not grope me! So I have a pool of about 15 men right now, who I’ve been avidly emailing and texting! Amazing.



  143.  #143Starla on April 19, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    wow, the blog is soooo quiet. it makes me feel paranoid like it’s my fault or something. i feel that way a lot in life when things change. interesting trigger. hello, trigger! i love you:)



  144.  #144Starla on April 19, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    healing waterfall,
    my makeup looked beautiful:) i had a nice time with my best friend at her house tonight. we found my anger for CF too. it’s not a violent or hostile anger, but it’s like, “who the f*ck does that in an email, and who the f*ck doesn’t call people back like a grown up.”

    it’s not like i have been blowing up his phone or trying to get him to talk to me. i respected his decision and his space. go on and throw your tantrum, then, CF!

    my friend and i also talked about how someone can be throwing a tantrum and being too mean, even if they’re not yelling or insulting you.

    and i spent some time talking about some of the things in our relationship that frustrated me! and tried to just remember all the dumb sh*t i had to put up with.

    although, honestly, it’s hard to feel like i was “putting up” with anything because i still feel full of love for him right now.

    BUT it feels good to catch some negative perspective and feel a fuller acceptance of the situation.



  145.  #145Starla on April 19, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    okay and we weren’t even sleeping together, because we had no where to go do it privately, and i asked him to take care of that and he said he would, but he never did, so I ended up taking care of it, but then when we could finally have sex freely in my house because my roommate moved out, i felt too off balance to do it because he moved away and wasn’t all that concerned about having sex with me before. so i said no sex and he was like “aww okay i’ll wait for you”

    but he never DID anything. he just planned dates and called all the time and was sweet company. which felt amazing to me. better than anything i’d ever had before. but he never DID anything for us to make us a stronger couple, and i guess he wanted those things to happen but he never ever ever spoke up.

    and yet he says i never lead.

    sweetheart, i led this whole dang relationship if you look at it in the right light.

    my friend changed his nickname from “precious CF” to “f*ckinCF”

    he has some growing up to do. i wish him luck! and i feel excited for my own growing:)



  146.  #146Starla on April 19, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    i mean, there was no hostility or anything in our ‘break up.’ it was him saying he wanted to back out. so who doesn’t return a dang phone call to have that conversation so we can move on with out lives one way or another? he must really really have a hard time facing things and communicating. more than i originally thought. i hope he finds his voice in this life:)

    he knows when you avoid someone’s calls, it makes them feel like you must think really poorly of them. this is something he was very sensitive to himself, since i didn’t always answer his calls when we were dating and it seemed like it would make him feel very off balance and self conscious.

    so cf, you are a meanie, not on purpose but because you need to grow the eff up and learn to talk to someone. even to say “i saw you called but i am not ready to talk” or even “i saw you called but actually i don’t want to talk at all.”



  147.  #147Starla on April 19, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    it feels good to notice all the ways he wasn’t quite available for a regular relationship, and all the ways he fell majorly, majorly short in the communication department, and all his little issues that make him kind of a d*ck unintentionally. not because i want to hate him (i never ever would…i still believe he is wonderful), but because it makes everything feel like less of a loss and more of an opportunity.

    ok i better get some sleep. goodnight sirens.



  148.  #148Starla on April 19, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    one more thing – i feel very proud that i didn’t try desperately to get a hold of him. it’s likely he expected that and also possible that he had a secret fantasy where i would do that or say the right words or beg enough to make him feel wanted.

    this can’t be how you go about getting affection. even if you feel like you’ve been backed into a corner. you use your words.

    i didn’t do anything to deserve the silent treatment. i didn’t kick his puppy or call him names or sleep with someone else.

    although he is entitled to do whatever he likes:)

    i’m just saying….



  149.  #149Starbright on April 19, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    One thought is that CF may be wanting to ignore you because you didn’t run to him or respond right away when he sent the email. Of course, no one truly knows but CF…so I guess I’m getting into thinking mode here….

    Seems you are overall doing really well. And, it’s great to change and grow. You go girl!



  150.  #150Silver Moonbeam on April 20, 2012 at 12:48 am

    I didn’t read the whole post from Joan either, probably half, tooooo much analysing going on, I only read Rori’s reply at the end.



  151.  #151Tiffany on April 20, 2012 at 1:01 am

    So, I’m staying at my friend’s house, so I can feed her cat. I didn’t get here until really late. It’s already 1:00 a.m. and I just ate dinner. Yikes! I wasn’t going to, but I literally can’t sleep on an empty stomach…

    Anyway, I want to catch up on all the posts – I hope FW is doing okay ๐Ÿ™ Wonder what they were able to do with her fingers?? I’m so tired, though, I started nodding off while reading….



  152.  #152Tiffany on April 20, 2012 at 1:04 am

    So I just wanted to share my experience today.

    Y’all haters can hate. But, as I’ve read from some other sirens here, I think there is a general theme of *sometimes* it’s okay to lean forward. I’m wondering if we should go with maybe an 80/20 rule, or something like that. Or even 90/10. But it sounds like 100% leaning back doesn’t always cut it. It’s good when it’s called for. But if ALL we do is lean back, it seems to send the wrong message – i.e. the guy perceives that we are just not interested. Guys like it when girls approach them, too! It makes them feel hot and hunky ๐Ÿ™‚

    But the 80/20 thing means we lean back about 80% of the time, and 20% of the time, we can “do” stuff. That way we get our “active” boy energy something to do, but we’re still not doing more than our guy does.

    We just don’t want to be in ALL forward mode. That’s just yucky. But leaning back so far we lose our balance the other way doesn’t really help…

    What do you girls think???



  153.  #153Tiffany on April 20, 2012 at 1:18 am

    Right. So, my experience.

    Remember how I said that I hadn’t had a good poo in like 2 days? Well, that continued. Three days. Then four days. I had to go sometimes, it just wasn’t satisfying.

    And remember how I said that it felt like I was also “backed up” emotionally – and that it felt connected to my feelings and expressing myself around VM?

    Well, guess what????

    Today, I got off early from work. I really wanted/needed to get some stuff done for my own business, but it was a beautiful day. I was feeling so stressed out, because I had had a difficult discussion with my employers (I’m not really sure the job is a good fit. But I’m also afraid I am running away too soon. I put in my two weeks’ notice, but they like me, and we’re “leaving the door open” for me to stay or come back. There are just some ways in which I can’t handle the shifts that keep taking place there. I guess change is part of life. But too much change all the time – like as soon as you get settled into one pattern – is too much. It’s disruptive and it’s stressing me.) Anyway, that was way beside the point!

    The point is, I was stressed. I went to the beach and melted into the sand for two hours. And voila! I was not stressed! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I actually came home and had a phone message from my friend K, who thinks I’m hot and wants to date me ๐Ÿ˜‰

    But before I called him back – before I did anything – there was only one thing I wanted to do. It was like a window I felt opening in the Universe, and I suddenly felt comfortable calling VM. I first looked in the mirror and made sure that I had no agenda. And when I was sure, I was even excited about calling him. And when I did, he picked up!

    We had a very good conversation – it was all that I could have hoped for, and more. There are still a few things that I probably could have said, but at a certain point, the conversation was just going on so long. I guess we are in agreement about the whole thing. It didn’t work for him, and it didn’t work for me. But now I know so much more about how he felt, and what was going on for him!

    I really made it my only agenda item to listen to him. And I talked some, too. But I really made a point of listening.

    And I even told him that I had no agenda, and he said voluntarily that he really appreciated that.

    I could see, from some of the things he told me, that he was acting based on expectations and fears of the future that, quite frankly, were in his imagination and just don’t exist. Of course, he made them real by acting on them. But they are still not true – and none of the things that he said about me before rang true in light of them. In fact, I feel even BETTER about myself. I am GLAD that I called. It felt good to talk!

    I feel more clear, and able to get on with my life.

    And about 20 minutes after the phone call, I had a very satisfying poo. So there you go.

    (And this is so funny, because I always cringe when I read about this stuff, and I never want to talk about it, but this is true! It happened!)

    Lean back was great, and it really helped me get myself in order. But ultimately, I needed to express and I needed to discuss, and I just knew this about myself, and there is NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. IT’S GOOD.

    Hooray for me for honoring myself, and doing what felt right and good in the moment. I felt really connected, and really certain of who I was, and I believe I communicated about myself honestly. And that is really ALL that I wanted.

    Thanks, ladies! good night!! ๐Ÿ™‚



  154.  #154Tiffany on April 20, 2012 at 1:32 am

    Oh yeah. P.s. The other thing he said that really struck me as honest and real was that he said that he was disappointed, too. That felt really solid to me, somehow. Like it made the whole thing three-dimensional. He wasn’t just casually throwing it all away and feeling nothing about it. He really cared, and had had a different idea about how he wanted it to turn out, and he wished it could have been different, too. I don’t know why that makes me feel better – better isn’t really the word for it. Real. It just makes it feel real. And I like that. Because it’s better than feeling like I’m just imaging whatever’s been happening and that it’s only real to me. Because it was real for him, too. It happened. And that’s the way it was. Ok, good night.

    Sweet dreams!!!



  155.  #155Daria on April 20, 2012 at 2:40 am

    weeee im practicing opening up oh wow!

    im feeling thrilled and happy

    i tlaked to this guy and i felt a bit “grilled’

    and i kept leaning back and opening up

    and at the end he sent me a message like

    youre so cute!

    and i felt good!

    yay

    hehehehe

    weeeee

    and then i talked to this other guy and we SO connected

    and we talked about spirituality
    a
    nd i noticed i felt tightened up

    mroe for me to heal

    i want to see about sprituality and emotions heart and

    not get confused with it

    i want to open up emotionally

    and connecte thru the heart



  156.  #156Daria on April 20, 2012 at 2:54 am

    i said to neighbor CD it would feel good to hang out

    and i thought he was comin over but he didnt

    and i felt all the terrilbe feelings and i was feeling them in slow motion!

    i even cried as i felt the disappointment

    and still i was ok!

    i was actually still on the phone with him and NOT blaming him!

    it felt amazing and the feelings passed!

    i feel excited



  157.  #157Daria on April 20, 2012 at 3:15 am

    Tiffany – I think leaning back all the way is really important !

    I think guys may ‘like it’ when we lean forward, and they may feel good about themselves… but it doesn’t make them feel good about us, or attracted to us. It turns them off. Shoot when we ‘lean forward’ we’re literlaly in MASCULINE energy. so guess who gets to feel liek the girl. the man does. Most men don’t want to fele like a girl romantically.

    They get INTO a romance to feel more like a MAN.

    And for us, leaning forward is something we do when we don’t feel comfortable just feeling our feelings… and we think we have to DO something to get a result…

    and actually our results come from not doing anything… the better we are at not doing anything, the better results we get hehe… and actually the less stressed we feel… and that in itself gets us better results

    for us to get Better results from leaning all the way back, I would do stuff to lower my stress levels…

    And I would focus my practice on my openess… rather than on leaning forward. The more open I am the better I can attract. And crazily… im actually NOT being open when i lean forward. Im covering up my openess with overfunctioning

    ((((Daria)))))

    how could you ahve bene open with neighbroCD

    i coulda said

    im feeling all frustrated and pist that i have another day of feeling lonely without plans

    (((Daria)))

    i judged myself as sounding all intense and complainy

    ((((Daria))))

    I really appreciate my working through and scripting that!



  158.  #158Daria on April 20, 2012 at 3:20 am

    im having some trouble

    i am wondering about believing the woman is the spiritual leader of a relationship and a man is the leader in material ways

    what i want is for a man to support my spiritual beliefs and my endeavors on sharing my gifts

    and maybe i don’t need to

    is this unneccessary?

    im feeling confused

    ***

    ok i just shifted on that belief

    mmm

    feeling emotions

    (((Daria)))



  159.  #159Daria on April 20, 2012 at 3:27 am

    so i want to talk to people about healing all battling and violence and healing and peace instead

    and i feel all tightened up aaaah



  160.  #160Lizka on April 20, 2012 at 4:40 am

    Hi sirens!

    Sorry I’ve been MIA in the last days, I was so busy but also so happy!

    I don’t have much time to write, I’m just waiting for my dress to get dry so I can leave for work.

    So far, I am very happy with my new job. I made like 15 new friends and I already organised an happy hour last night (my boy energy) and everyone had fun.

    I’m also feeling so proud of my new car. My new collegues who saw it in the parking lot at work all said it was amazing.

    Yesterday, I went to show him to ATW like we agreed the other day. We went on the mountain to smoke and I let him drive. He asked me if I could drive him to X place because he was going to meet his friends there. I said no. I was ok to drive him to his place because it was on my way home, but I’m not his private driver and it felt a little bad to hear that. But I know he didn’t want to do bad. He just asked like sometimes I ask too. But I’m happy I hold that boundary and said NO. So I let him at the corner of 2 streets and he took a cab. I was not even home and I received a text from him saying “Super car, super new job, super chick”. I replied with a super good feeling message “Ah that is nice! I feel really happy and free.” He also said (without me asking) that we are gonna start to see each other more often and that we could go for a few little road trip this summer and he even talked about a full week of vacation! Wow in the moment I didn’t really realised it, but right now, I am feeling pretty surprised that he talked about vacation for in 4 months. I said “well, if everything goes well” (like he sometimes says) and looked at me like “what are you saying, are you insane?” hehe.

    I’m happy he was nice with me but I really have no expectation and I really don’t even have time to make expectation. I have so many more things to do since I have this new job and this new car, I am really focusing on me and on the new fun things in my life.

    The cute guy from another city who is in my training class at work has a girlfriend. But he said he didn’t live with him. But I’m not gonna go there. He came out with us last night and we got to know each other a little bit more. I case he comes to me more seriously, I might be open, since it’s just a “girl he is dating” like he said, but we’ll see.

    Anyway, I’ve got to go ladies, I’ll be late for work if I chat more.

    I’ll try to come back more this weekend and to catch up with your stories.

    xoxo



  161.  #161Turquoise on April 20, 2012 at 4:43 am

    Good. Morning sirens . My eye is still bothering me ๐Ÿ™ feeling concerned and if it gets any worse. , I will go gave it looked at. I had hoped I’d wake up this morning and feel better. C called this morning and was all pleasant and chatty… We mostly talked about the girls. But I love when I can hear the smile in his voice.

    Today is going to be busy…. I have work, then need to go get 4 new tires, stop at a friends…. And then home to clean. I have my breakfast date with the chemist in the morning, birthday party in the afternoon, and then dinner with the airplane guy at night. Ohio wants to see me Sunday, but I haven’t committed to that yet.



  162.  #162Francesca on April 20, 2012 at 4:59 am

    Turquoise, yes, you should go have it checked. How long has it been bothering you?

    I’m having a pretty busy day too. I’m gearing up for an 11-hour shift today then when I’ll get here late tonight, I still have to get stuff ready for the rest of the weekend since I’m working until Monday evening.



  163.  #163Francesca on April 20, 2012 at 5:04 am

    Happy Birthday, HW!



  164.  #164LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 5:25 am

    (((FeminineWoman)))

    (((Starla)))



  165.  #165Radlove on April 20, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Healing Waters,

    Happy Birthday!



  166.  #166Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 6:30 am

    I was driving in my car last night and I saw a random guy running. I was looking at him, and discovered it was Jack CD. How did I feel? Thrilled. I felt thrilled. I haven’t felt that in a long time…



  167.  #167Radlove on April 20, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Daria,

    RE: #156 – I want a man to be the spiritual leader in my relationship. I want both of us to contribute, but it feels so good when a man challenges me to take the higher road and teaches me stuff!

    My contrast is between Nightmare and Right. Nightmare was constantly trying to convince me to do immoral things. I didn’t like who I was becoming when I was married to him and following down his road.

    Altho Right has serious issues, one of the things I admire is most areas of his life are very pure and high level. It’s hard to explain after all the negative stuff I’ve laid out. But there are parts of him that I admire highly and learn from.



  168.  #168Radlove on April 20, 2012 at 6:34 am

    I am helping a good friend pack and move, so I don’t have much time on here right now. Plus I’ve been CDing in a big way (so far only on the internet). Love you all!



  169.  #169Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 6:36 am

    @157 Lizka – I felt really happy reading that. It felt warm and adventurous and open and fresh.



  170.  #170April Rose on April 20, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Radlove,

    I feel that you, like me, are attracted to men with a strong Pluto energy. The higher vibrational mode of Pluto is all about Purity, so I understand when you say “one of the things I admire is most areas of his life are very pure and high level”.



  171.  #171lk on April 20, 2012 at 6:52 am

    thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you



  172.  #172Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 7:12 am

    I feel excited for the summertime. I feel sure that I am going to evolve into an even more amazing version of myself. I feel hopeful and warm and expansive.



  173.  #173GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 7:12 am

    Happy Birthday, Healing Waters!



  174.  #174T-Girl on April 20, 2012 at 7:15 am

    Happy Birthday Healing Waterfall! Hope you have a great day!



  175.  #175Calypso on April 20, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Hi Sirens!

    I’m preparing for my trip to the beach with GM. I feel good, solid, like I am ready to have fun no matter what he does or says.

    To help me prepare for so much time with him, I bought Rori’s Toxic Men program. I took the quiz and GM is rated as a “Difficult Man” . . . lol – no kidding!

    I loved the exercize about going inside yourself and getting to know your “Stranger” – that was awesome for me! She has issues . . . lol, but she has strengths that I lack and now that I know her (Her name is Sarah – Think Sarah Connor from Terminator) . . . I can use her strengths! Sweet!

    I wonder if GM will notice a difference in me now that I am working on myself through Rori. It has been a very long time since he and I went out of town together and we were a couple then. I think I have changed in some very subtle, but important ways. I’m looking forward to being in the moment with him and sinking into myself and how it feels to be there with him – instead of closing up and protecting myself from my feelings and trying to hide from him emotionally so I would not get hurt.

    This trip is going to be like a science experiment for me – how I feel, how he responds, how i feel about how he responds . . . lol. I bet I will have a lot to tell you when we get back. We leave a week from today and I am spending the night at his house Thursday night – last time I did that was Christmas night and we were no longer a couple, but you would not have know it from the way we acted . . .



  176.  #176GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 7:53 am

    @91 lk

    The letter is nice. I might take out the rush hour part and just say you’d be able to get to his office around 5pm.

    Good luck!



  177.  #177GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 8:04 am

    @127 Starla

    I had that same plan when I didn’t date for 3 years, create my own routine cause I never really had my own, but I wasn’t strong enough and I still lost myself when I got interested in a guy. I really need to work on this too. Good luck with creating your routine!



  178.  #178April Rose on April 20, 2012 at 8:12 am

    How do you all seem to know when it is a siren’s birthday?
    Special magical powers?



  179.  #179GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 8:14 am

    @145 Starla,

    The last 3 guys have given me the silent treatment. I think they do it because of their own guilt and it has nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personally, eventually, all 3 of them talked. Just sit back and wait for it. Haha…something I never did.



  180.  #180GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 8:16 am

    I love the song Santeria by Sublime, but I feel guilty for likely it after I realized what the lyrics say, but it’s such a catchy, feel good tune!



  181.  #181GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 8:18 am

    @149 Tiffany

    I agree with you. I feel leaning back 100% of the time will make them feel like we don’t care at all.



  182.  #182lk on April 20, 2012 at 8:23 am

    i don’t practice santeria ! i aint got no crystal ball, well i had a million dollars but ! do do do do i spent it all !

    wheeeeeee yay



  183.  #183lk on April 20, 2012 at 8:25 am

    @starla

    queria leer “Irreplaceable” por Beyonce en espanol ? es posible ?



  184.  #184Starla on April 20, 2012 at 8:30 am

    i love sublime dearly



  185.  #185Starla on April 20, 2012 at 8:32 am

    givinggirl 176 – how long did it take them to talk to you? what did they say? just curious.



  186.  #186Starla on April 20, 2012 at 8:33 am

    happy birthday hw!



  187.  #187Starla on April 20, 2012 at 8:45 am

    lk, i’m just doing >English right now. We could get together sometime and try to translate it into spanish together, just for fun!



  188.  #188lk on April 20, 2012 at 8:51 am

    a la izquierda ! a la izquierda ! todo lo que tienes en una caja a la izquierda…. en el armorio, son mis cosas – por favor, no las toques !

    lol



  189.  #189Starla on April 20, 2012 at 9:00 am

    I would just like to state for the record that I am completely in love with CF and would do it again in a heartbeat if we could figure this out. I would gladly open up to the way he prefers things to be, because I just adore him like I’ve never adored anyone in my life and because he is special and important to me, and because i do trust him to take care of me enough that i’d like to take care of him back. That is truly how I feel about him.

    And if he can’t do it, I hate that. But I accept it.

    And if he just won’t talk to me, well, I have to move with my life! My heart is more broken than it’s ever been and I can’t suffer just to “prove” my pain. I keep feeling like there is this expectation for me to do this. If he and I ever have a chance at this again, or if i am to ever have a chance at this kind of true love in general with anyone, spending this time right now suffering and making myself sick with heartbreak for more than a couple of weeks is not going to serve me.

    It feels really hard to move on. my heart feels broken.

    and i have so much going for me and this is a great opportunity to focus on my blessings and the positive instead of this huge loss i feel. it’s okay to feel loss but i need to get excited about my life and my blessings.

    ((((((((starla)))))))))



  190.  #190GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 9:32 am

    @182 Starla

    givinggirl 176 โ€“ how long did it take them to talk to you? what did they say? just curious.

    I don’t think I hate anything worse than being ignored or given the silent treatment. It’s a huge trigger for me. I tend to get wordy, send texts & long emails & kind of explode. The complete opposite of how you are handling things.

    Shy Guy took about 2 weeks and just sent a humorous text in reply to mine, which was his way of saying things are ok, but this situation was a complicated web. We never discussed anything, but we had never actually dated either. We are still friends.

    Military Guy – he gave me the silent treatment for a while off and on. He pursued me, but then canceled our 1st date 4 times. I asked him if I should be thinking he really doesn’t want to go out with me. He told me, no, please don’t think that. Things are just really hectic right now…so we went out, had a nice meal, watched some TV, but it was not a late night. The next time he asked about getting together and said he had some things to do and would text me later when he knew what time. That text never came. So, I text him basically telling him a little common courtesy would be nice as I’ve been being very patient with everything going on with him and it only takes 1 minute to send a text saying tonight isn’t going to work. That’s when he ignored me. It took him about a week to say we should just be friends (never apologized for any of his crap) and maybe when things settle down we can try again. A week later, he came back around, his friend had passed away and he was being all sweet again, but then he went on vacation and that was it. He got really distant. I sent him a few emails and he said he doesn’t have the time or desire to date anyone right now and we should be friends. So, I said a few thing and then was like, ok, we’ll be friends. He had injured himself while on vacation, but then when I was being friendly, he just ignored me or would give very uncaring replies, like just because he felt he had to. I saw him at a store and just just walked right past me. This was from April last year, then in December I mailed him a Xmas card and he mailed one back, but we still haven’t seen each other or spoken. Funny though, he did get another gf shortly after me and he has all the time in the world for her. So there you go!

    Boat Guy has given me the silent treatment 2 times. The first time was about 2 weeks, and what got him out of it was me crying on his voicemail. Then he text me that he wasn’t feeling good about this either and he doesn’t want to hurt me. 2nd time was only a couple days, again he replied after I left a VM. I think once he hears my voice, he can no longer avoid.

    There is so much more to these stories (all could be books). Shy Guy would never have talked if I didn’t keep on him cause he never initiates anything, not even a wave as he drives by. Military Guy would have eventually talked, but it would have taken a lot longer if I wasn’t trying to get him to talk, but it probably would have been a better situation had I just stopped and let him come to me. Boat Guy won’t ever leave me hanging for too long. Probably a month tops and then he would probably just chat me on FB or send a random pointless text. I’m not sure why that is, but he always comes back around to me.

    Tangled webs I weave. All 3 guys know each other. Military Guy and Boat Guy are friends and hang out. Shy Guy and Military Guy live down the street from me and are practically neighbors. Boat Guy used to be my neighbor and is still neighbors with my ex-bf & is friends with my other friends. Boat Guy and Shy Guy work with my Mom. Shy Guy & his family and my other friends are also friends with my ex-bf. Everyone knows each other, it’s so small and cozy! LOL

    All guys are different, but I think CF will come around to you. It may take a month, but I think he will. Be patient, you will be glad you were. I often regret things I’ve said during my moments of triggering from the silent treatment.



  191.  #191Starla on April 20, 2012 at 9:32 am

    holy cr*p my immediate supervisor at my fancy corporate job just emailed me to wish me a happy 4-20. <3 universe loves me so.



  192.  #192GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 9:35 am

    (((Starla)))



  193.  #193Starla on April 20, 2012 at 9:38 am

    givinggirl, i usually can’t read long posts, but i really enjoyed reading about all your guys. it feels so nice that someone took the time to relate to me:)
    love you!



  194.  #194lk on April 20, 2012 at 9:45 am

    i went to the dentist yesterday & practiced receiving attention from the 2 practitioners & my hygienist : )))

    i seriously left feeling like a RockStar : )

    & i walked out the Sneaky Way & sung my favorite dramatic latin ballad at the top of my lungs in the stairwell : ))))))

    &&& i hxte one part of it & i asked to be “excused” from it & they said yes & it made my whole afternoon more enjoyable.



  195.  #195lk on April 20, 2012 at 9:46 am

    i don’t have a great voice or anything, but i think anyone sounds like a choir of angels singing in a stairwell or a parking garage : ))) really fun acoustics – i highly recommend it



  196.  #196Brandylion on April 20, 2012 at 9:49 am

    (((Starla)))

    It sounds like CF is handling your break-up the same way my ex-boyfriend handled ours, except my guy did call me to tell me he wanted out. Well, I should caution though, that the email I sent him about a professional matter was simply overlooked and he wasn’t not replying intentionally for the week and a half in which I didn’t hear a reply. (I eventually did send him another email with a few feeling messages and a restatement of my question, and he was very apologetic that he’d missed the first email.)

    The point is, I felt the same way you did when I thought he was not together enough to even reply to an email about a professional matter! That experience really tapped into my anger over the situation!



  197.  #197GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 9:53 am

    On page 100 of the book, He’s Scared, She’s Scared and it says lots of people who think they are looking for commitment are actually commitmentphobic and choose people who they know won’t commit and they don’t even realize it. I think I may be that person. What if I am commitmentphobic and don’t realize it? What if I’m doing all of this to myself?

    I feel scared to think that because I really want things to work out with Boat Guy, but what if it just isn’t something that can possibly work out because I’m commitmentphobic and I chose him because he is too?



  198.  #198Starla on April 20, 2012 at 10:08 am

    (((((Brandylion))))))
    Thanks for sharing your experience:)



  199.  #199Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 10:15 am

    @194 Giving Girl – It sounds like you might be in your head. My gut tells me that the head, or the masculine energy, is the one worrying and asking the “what if” questions. Something I do too much…

    How do you feel right now? How do you feel when you’re with Boat Guy?



  200.  #200Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 10:20 am

    I feel curious. I’ve felt more longing and need and desperation for SeenmecryCD since I found out about his gf. Like, I want him more now, or something. Is this because of my fear of commitment? Or, like most people, do I just want what I know I can’t have?



  201.  #201GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Starla, thank you & you’re welcome. love you too! ๐Ÿ™‚



  202.  #202GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 10:32 am

    @196 lamabutterfly

    Yes, I am in my head, I guess. It’s very hard for me to get out of my head.

    Right now, I’m feeling anxious, nervous, worried, fearful, sad (teary-eyed as I type), forgotten, lacking, tired, and scared.

    When I’m with Boat Guy I feel excited, happy, joy, cared for, understood, beautiful, safe, cozy, content, and relaxed.



  203.  #203GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 10:37 am

    @197 lamabutterfly

    Maybe it makes you feel competitive, like you need to be better than her and if he responded to those feelings you are feeling, then you would be? I guess what I’m saying is maybe it has to do with your self-esteem?



  204.  #204Femininewoman on April 20, 2012 at 10:46 am

    RE 197 Iamabutterfly it is human nature to want what you can’t have.



  205.  #205Rori Raye on April 20, 2012 at 10:59 am

    yeayyy for craigslist!



  206.  #206Rori Raye on April 20, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Tam – I’m gasping at your letter and am unable to say much of anything helpful. To dump a mr available, whatever the issues, for a mr. unavailable no matter what other qualities he possesses – tells me straight out that relationship is not your priority. If you can just get okay with that – and have lovers and dates and men friends – that’s just fine.

    But please don’t lie to yourself that somehow you’re going to turn mr. unavailable into mr. right. I don’t believe that’s what you want – and this all has to do with you and your relationship with you. Love, Rori



  207.  #207Rori Raye on April 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Lovee – he doesn’t have your heart on a string. You’ve PUT your heart on a string and are trying to throw that string into his hands. Please be truthful with yourself – you can’t possibly want a real relationship, not really, and allow yourself to stay hung up on this man. Circular Date, go to some kind of spiritual center, read books, get all my programs and practice the tools – if you work towards loving yourself and ACTING like you love yourself – this will all go away – and you have to ask yourself truthfully – do you really WANT all this pain to go away? Love, Rori



  208.  #208Femininewoman on April 20, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Thank you Dominique and the rest of you sirens



  209.  #209Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Thanks, Giving Girl. I’m just going to work on opening my heart more with him, when I get to be with him. I just miss when he made the effort to be with me. I feel like a teenie tiny hole is in my heart where he used be. hmm…is that all I was willing to give to him? Is that all I felt brave enough to give him?



  210.  #210GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 11:37 am

    @209 lamabutterfly

    I can understand why you miss that. Why are you afraid of commitment?



  211.  #211GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 11:38 am

    I have Rori’s ebook. If I could only afford to purchase one program, which one would you ladies recommend?



  212.  #212GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Femininewoman – I missed your story, but from what I gather from the comments, you have an injury. I hope you recover quickly!



  213.  #213lk on April 20, 2012 at 11:50 am

    yesterday my mama was talking to me about work & i mentioned cd had emailed me about a job he heard about …. & she said, Oh have you told him that you don’t do it that way ?

    LOL !!! she was like, just explain to him how you just decide & then things happen

    lordy lordy i hope so : )

    it would feel so amazingly delicious to have that space & gentleness as the fundamental flow beneath my life…. & i can really See myself doing that work….. & how exactly i would apply my different skills … & how i could be a “drifter” & “Just Be” but at the same time, get a lot done & feel really really really really pleased & peaceful & excited about it : ))))))



  214.  #214Emoticon on April 20, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    So those of u on the FB group might remember the story I gave about being ‘celibate’ now and when i realized it was 4 the wrong reasons. Soooo…. I just had some and it felt so gooood. im glad i did and im kinda mad i kept away from this for weeks and weeks i mean COME ON.



  215.  #215lk on April 20, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    went into the kitchen at work feeling hungry & sad after cloistering myself away with this intense data project…

    & my 2 besties were there ! & my friend was like, “ohhh you do not have a lunch ? i accidentally have double lunch : ) ” So i ate that ! & now i feel happy & also i got to talk to my other friend that every time i talk to him… it feels like i talk to my brother too. it’s weird. like reflex points ? like, you touch this spot on your foot to relieve sinus pressure…. you interact spiritually with this man & you get spiritual juice from the other man…



  216.  #216lk on April 20, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    emoticon : )



  217.  #217Daria on April 20, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Rori talked about how women are more conscious – just are – on the whole

    and that inspired me

    i no longer want to expect a man to be more spiritual than me

    i know i am the Goddess, the spirit, I am the one worshipped

    in Avatar there is a leader of the people – the blue girl’s father

    and the one who interprets spirit – shes the mother

    that feels good to me

    the mother is the keeper of the spirit of her people

    i want to be seen honored and recognized for this role



  218.  #218Daria on April 20, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    im feeling confused on how to be the keeper of the spirit without using preachy energy to preach to a man

    i want help with this thank you



  219.  #219lk on April 20, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    @Daria

    maybe there is a masc/fem element to spirituality ?

    then maybe you could “share” it…. & i suppose that “looks like” the woman also having a “role” in the community leadership / politics – but a fem one still …….. sounds lovely to me : )

    love you daria : )



  220.  #220Emoticon on April 20, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    i love Daria too, a whole lot! I feel really drawn 2 her posts and everything.



  221.  #221lk on April 20, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    i tried some brewer’s yeast this morning.

    i made 2 T to about 1.5 c hot water with cayenne & salt.

    i think i’ll try it next time with 1 T to 1 c water, cayenne, salt, & lemon

    also occurred to me that tomato juice might be good with it…. though i’m not sure if i want to eat raw tomatoes

    & also, i’ve been “craving” clam-ato juice, even though i’ve never had it : )



  222.  #222GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    lk

    What’s the brewer’s yeast for?



  223.  #223Daria on April 20, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    hehe i DO practice Santeria. like, for real.

    I don’t practice {insert your spiritual beliefs here} , ouch

    daria feels sad



  224.  #224Daria on April 20, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    thanks ladies! Goodheart, lk, Emoticon … that feels good



  225.  #225Daria on April 20, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    my life purpose is to be a spiritual leader and bring a new consciousness and heal all violence wars/imprisonment and have peace instead

    this is feeling triggering for me right now

    ive been haveing like a spiritual awakening the past few days

    with my spine writing like a snake and my body healing and releasing energies from the pelvis

    im now at the heart and throat and going into the head and also went down one thigh and to the knee yesterday

    im feeling uncomfortable!

    i wonder what beliefs there are in this so i can shift them consciously, even though everything is shifting and healing unconsciously too



  226.  #226lk on April 20, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    according to Jane Fonda – my nutrition & fitness guru – brewer’s yeast is high in protein, assists with digestion, & is a sort of SuperFood



  227.  #227lk on April 20, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    i’m looking for something else to have in the morning

    when i feel too Raw to eat full food, but i do feel hungry & i don’t want caffeine & i do want some calories



  228.  #228lk on April 20, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    GivingGirl, those 2 above were to you – sorry : )



  229.  #229Starla on April 20, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    lk, i eat a little greek yogurt when i feel like that. i like the lemon kind from liberte.



  230.  #230Starla on April 20, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    i went to the lunch workout at that gym and i feel so proud of myself and amazing!

    and i noticed that exercising really gets the emotions moving. like i feel pretty dang upset right now about CF, but it feels productive and not like it’s hurting me. do you know what i mean?



  231.  #231GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    lk

    I make smoothies for breakfast with spinach, banana, frozen fruit, olive oil, hemp protein powder, pecans, and coconut or almond milk. You can pretty much mix and match what you like – yogurt, carrots, apples, raspberries, mango, kale, arugula, pears…they say melons are not good for it, but basically anything else.



  232.  #232GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    @Starla – yes, exercise does help.



  233.  #233lk on April 20, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    ew, you guys : p LOL

    actually i want something Warm to slowly sip while i journal and am “waking”…. before my yoga, so not “heavy” as i actually prefer to do my first yoga before i eat : )



  234.  #234Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    @lk 233 – try a hot cup of green tea! so good for you.



  235.  #235GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    or red tea….super antioxidants



  236.  #236Starla on April 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    lk, i like bobs red mill (i think that’s the brand) brown rice cereal. you could sip it.

    or if you like caffeine, i like chocolate mate from guyaki. it feels substantial, even though it’s just tea

    or get some old fashioned mate and you could steep it several times in the morning and share it with CD as a ritual. i love the mate ritual.

    and i also like to heat up some hemp milk and you could add whatever spices you like

    just ideas:) i won’t feel butt-hurt if they don’t feel good for you.



  237.  #237Starla on April 20, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    i looove red tea, that feels substantial too. african rooibos yum yes please



  238.  #238GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    @237 Starla – I love it too!



  239.  #239Dominique on April 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    lk – hemp seeds, alone, in yogurt, in a smoothie, on cereal maybe. they are a COMPLETE protein, higher than any other non-animal source, plus they have the perfect balance of all the omegas, 3, 6, and 9. They very easy to digest, and highly assimilable. I have a sensitive digestion and have absolutely NO problem with them.

    Brewers yeast in my experience does not aid digestion, and for me personally, it really messes it up, as in horrible, painful gas.

    It was once a superfood, think 80s.

    Now we have hemp, goji berries, maca, acai, pomegranate, kale. There are others. These ones come to mind readily.

    xxoo



  240.  #240Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    @210 Giving Girl – I feel sad to write about this. This has been an issue for me for such a long time.

    I don’t really remember feeling the fear of commitment until I was a freshman in college. I felt him pursuing me, after flirting with him aggressively for several months. Suddenly, he was aggressively pursuing me. I remember feeling like hiding. I felt found out. He started observing me closely, and showing up in places I frequented habitually. I remember feeling scared. I remember wanting to change my routine, so he couldn’t find me. He wasn’t being creepy or stalker-esque or anything. Just trying to bump into me, spend more time with me.

    Even though nothing happened because I wouldn’t let it, it took me a long time to get over him.

    I didn’t feel scared with the next guy, because he was my friend, and had a girlfriend.

    He took the lead and invited me into HIS life, instead of observing my life and trying to come into it.

    Losing this guy (my choice, again, though I didn’t consciously know it) was the hardest. Probably because I was so wrapped up in HIS life, that I didn’t care for my own?

    I feel like when I commit, I let people see me. and I feel like what they see is ugly. What they see is spoiled and lazy and scatter-brained and too sad and too happy and just too much altogether.

    I feel like when (certain) people get close to me (males and females included) all my bad stuff disgusts them. I feel like they get frustrated and tired of me.

    am I frustrated and tired of myself?

    I feel so sad thinking about this and writing about this.

    Thanks for asking, though.

    I need to heal it all…



  241.  #241Tam on April 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Thank you Rori, that’s what I figured also. I kind of invented reasons to push away Mr available, after Mr unavailable turned up (on his best behaviour, which is unlikely to last). So now I am sorry and feel pretty upset with myself, but feel it’s too late to get Mr available back – and we had some issues too (but they would have been fixable if I had had the intention). Guess I messed up. ๐Ÿ™
    Thanks for your comment though, deep down I knew it was probably me who is the unavailable one here. I do have some big issues going on in my life too but I really did want a relationship, and it felt really nice to be in one – until I destroyed it. No use in crying over spilt milk though, right? Onwards and upwards!!
    Thanks everyone.
    xxx



  242.  #242GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I’m trying to feel my feelings, but I’m not entirely sure what they are.

    I feel bothered that Boat Guy didn’t want to see me before he left on vacation.

    I feel bothered that Boat Guy doesn’t tell me when he’s leaving (in advance) or when he’s coming home, unless I ask. This time I didn’t ask, so I’m assuming he’ll be home tomorrow, but I don’t know for sure or when.

    I feel bothered that Boat Guy hasn’t mentioned a surprise party that’s happening tomorrow for a friend. I don’t know if he’ll be home for it, I don’t know if he was even invited to it, I don’t know if I will be seeing him there, if he is going, it would be nice to go together, but I haven’t mentioned it either. I guess I will be surprised tomorrow.

    We haven’t spoken since Wed. and I would feel really good if he would text me something substantial. He’s really only texted me a couple of pics while he was gone and asked how the weather was here.

    Blah!!



  243.  #243lk on April 20, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    YUM you guys !!! thank you !

    rice cereal, red tea, & spiced hemp milk all sound delicious : )))



  244.  #244Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    @242 Giving Girl – you say you feel “bothered.” I don’t understand what that means. Do you feel scared? Do you feel insecure? Do you feel angry? Do you feel sad? “Bothered” isn’t really an emotion, that I’m aware of. I feel like you’re feeling uncomfortable. What emotion is attached to that uncomfortableness? See if you can feel it out…



  245.  #245lk on April 20, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    LOL Dominique don’t make me eat maca powder !!!

    yum, though. thank you for the reminders. i’ll chase hemp for a while. spiced hemp milk or red tea sounded best of the options & i can do both… & i can put hemp seeds in my porridge or yogurt after yoga : )

    thank you : )))



  246.  #246Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    @242 Giving Girl – I’m sensing that you might feel afraid of your feelings. How do they feel? Intense? Mixed all together? If you can let go of the fear of feeling them, it might help you identify them more easily…



  247.  #247GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    @240 lamabutterfly

    I’m sorry my question made you feel sad. I have to run, but I will type more later.



  248.  #248Daria on April 20, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    ((((Daria))))

    aww thank you for trying to help!

    and so sorry for not acknowledging your efforts

    your efforts are seen and honored and appreciated!

    and oh i feel so good that you decided to take care of yourself emotionally and not overfunction to put yourself in a situation that wouldve felt bad

    you’re such an awesome daughter and woman and human and being

    i encourage you to go have FUN right now!!

    you deserve fun every moment ๐Ÿ™‚



  249.  #249Iamabutterfly on April 20, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    @ 242 Giving Girl – How does your body feel? how does your head, chest, arms, legs, stomach, feet, and fingertips feel? sometimes you can feel sensations and emotions in them if you pay attention…



  250.  #250GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    @244 lamabutterfly

    I’m still trying to figure it out, but maybe insecure, unimportant.



  251.  #251Daria on April 20, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    I love your sadness!

    I love your disappointment!

    awwww i feel sorry you feel that way!

    Big HUGS!

    I will be ok!

    Thank you for your efforts to care for me

    EVERYTHING will be ok and it would feel great to see you feeling relaxed, loved, honored, and playing ๐Ÿ™‚



  252.  #252Dominique on April 20, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    lk – please don’t eat maca powder by itself, yuck, gross. lol do the hemp. I’m hooked on it, the seeds and the milk.

    xxoo



  253.  #253lk on April 20, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    birthday gift ideas ?

    cd’s birthday is tomorrow & i got nothing. i’m going to pick up a 6pack of beer : ) &…. maybe a candy bar or some ice cream : )

    i’m going to make a card for him tomorrow…

    i was going to make some cupcakes too… but i may not.

    thoughts ?

    i don’t want him to feel “unloved” or “unimportant”



  254.  #254Daria on April 20, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I love your anger!

    thank you for feeling anger!

    thank you for noticing it and healing our family relationships!

    yay!

    you’re so awesome!

    BIG HUGS!!! (((((Daria)))))

    Big smiles at you

    awwwww my baby girl



  255.  #255Daria on April 20, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    lk wow cupcakes and handmade card! /Ive never done that for anyone or received them! amazing



  256.  #256Daria on April 20, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    beer and candy feels lovely too ๐Ÿ™‚



  257.  #257Tam on April 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    I am still pondering about my story (141)….because the irony is that using the tools learnt in Rori’s ebook etc actually made Mr ‘unavailable’ step up like crazy. He loved the feeling messages and the ‘leaning back’, and he kept stepping up. If I had not practiced all those tools he probably wouldn’t have made such an impact on my life and just disappeared again. Has that happened to any of you? It actually makes finding the right man more difficult, right? If they all start stepping up…I think this is what confused me…it’s actually funny. I wonder if any of you had a similar experience, where someone you thought of as ‘commitment phobe’ actually started coming towards you when you used all these tools?



  258.  #258Ella on April 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Oh. Feeling very upset.

    MWC hasn’t been in touch at all today and it is now late at night here.

    This is unheard of.

    Gremlin voices jabbering away loudly right now.

    As for me I feel tired, cold, fed up and alone.

    And tired out of being broke.

    ๐Ÿ™



  259.  #259lk on April 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    tam,

    i hear rori saying you don’t stop dating any of them until one of them commits Fully to you : ))) so then… you don’t notice when they “disappear” or “take a break” because as you say there are a million men stepping up for you : )

    not like whack-a-mole, where you are trying to Catch them as they Pop Up… : ) more like…. you are the person, watching the race from the finish line who drops the flag to signify the winner : )



  260.  #260lk on April 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    (((((Ella)))))



  261.  #261Tam on April 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Thank you lk, that makes sense….a lot of sense..except it is confusing when it seems to work so well…ha!! ๐Ÿ˜‰
    And in fact, talking of commitment, even Mr Perfect had only hinted at marriage, for ‘practical reasons’…and they were mostly practical reasons…and when I mentioned the topic, he went all quiet…so I guess even he had not yet made it to the finishing line!! Oh, this is complicated!!!
    Thanks for clearing it up though!!



  262.  #262Tam on April 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    LK, I just saw the ‘millions’..ha!! millions?? No, only two and both disappeared… ๐Ÿ™
    Oh well, more fish in the sea..



  263.  #263lk on April 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    aww thank you Daria !! now i feel excited & like it is Fun & Festive : )))



  264.  #264Jessie1000 on April 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Oh im so bored….i yelled at my Beau yesterday
    and i felt awful today….
    i get so mad at him…cause he wants me to stay home all the time and i dont want to
    so much for feeling messages lol
    i screamed that i feel bored bored bored
    of the gym
    and i want to go out
    i went to an end of the term get together and he was pissed….omg it was just free liquor with co workers i barely know and i didnt even drink….
    yuck
    now i feel afraid to rock the boat…yuck
    so boring…
    im bored of relationships
    why r they so confining…????



  265.  #265Jessie1000 on April 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    lk
    ohh i want to whack a mole….thats such an awesome picture….
    i want to hit the moles
    i want to go out and see men…yummy flirty, sexy men who gives me compliments….
    i would take a sexy looking young mole right now lol



  266.  #266lk on April 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    tam,

    millions – totally !!!

    omg & do they or do they not get better with every single one ??? i feel like the quality of men goes up Up UP !

    & i do want all the men to just roll up on me, begging me for time & glances & words & a laugh……. & me just laugh & enjoy & bask &……. keep walking… : ) …. until someone stops me in my tracks & i’m enthralled & when they ask me Forever, I’m like wow that would feel Amazing & Love-ly : )

    & also, tam, you don’t have to drop the flag for anyone until you really dig their driving style : ) you are the ONLY judge of this race : ) amazing !



  267.  #267Tam on April 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    lk – you rock!! ๐Ÿ™‚



  268.  #268Starla on April 20, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    i hope there are millions for me too.

    i’m one in a million and i only found one other 1 in a million like me.



  269.  #269Tam on April 20, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Well, Starla, according to what I just learnt thanks to the lovely people here, he will either be back or he wasn’t your 1 in a million…and there is someone out there who will come running after you and you won’t be able to shake him off…
    I know it’s hard to believe now. Maybe your guy will come back?! And maybe you won’t want him anymore by then!



  270.  #270Starla on April 20, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Hi Tam! Btw i’m glad you’re posting here with us. You rock, too!



  271.  #271LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    175:

    Wow Calypso,

    I did Toxic man too. My man came out a “difficult” man too.
    That program did me a world of good.
    Difficult man is pretty easy now.
    He had been struggling to get through my wall and didn’t trust me bc he couldn’t see my heart through that wall.
    I never even dared show my enthousiasm about anything we would plan together.
    Now we’re planning a vacation trip together, and I’m not afraid to show him that I’m siked to go! and especially to go with him.
    His face and voice just ooze happiness.
    He is everything ‘but’ difficult now.
    He’s letting himself get close to me again.
    Our relationship feels so good now ๐Ÿ™‚

    I can’t wait to hear about how your vacation went.

    I can’t wait to be on mine! ๐Ÿ™‚



  272.  #272Starla on April 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Lilibee, you posted something to me the other night about how you feel when you see my name, and i was so wrapped up in my own processing, i don’t think i replied.

    but i felt so moved. and grateful to the universe that people can feel that way about me. i feel seen and understood. love to you!!



  273.  #273LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    189:

    Starla,

    I had a whole month of no contact w D.

    I had moved on to where I was fine without him, I was even great.

    You know the whole story.

    I saw other men, he saw another woman.

    My point is…after the breakoff, it feels like the slate is clean. I would never have believed in a million years that it would feel that way after all that happened, but it really does feel like a clean slate.
    It feels all brand new, like I’m getting to know a brand new man.
    Everything is completely different: the man, Me, the relationship, the vibe…everything.

    I know very well how hard it can be, but that clean break is the best thing that can happen to start fresh into a brand new relationship, even with the same man.
    When it goes around in circles for too long, a real break is the best thing to startover fresh.

    He needs to know what it’s like to not have you for real.

    What boosted my confidence to be able to be happy with him, or without him…was making myself happy…and that’s where you said you were going.
    So I’m not worried about you, you will be great for yourself!



  274.  #274Starla on April 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    lilibee, really, a whole month? wow. like no contact at alllll?



  275.  #275LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    272:

    (((Starla))),

    Through my work here, with Rori, Abraham Hicks, Margaret Lynch…so many more….I’ve been able to thaw out my feelings and express them like I did with you on that post.

    I’ve struggled so long to get ‘real’ and knock down that wall.

    Thank you for your feedback Starla. It’s really validating to me. It feels good to know I can connect to people through connecting to myself.

    What I’ve learned most of all, is that I help people most just by sharing my authentic feelings.
    That feels so good ๐Ÿ™‚



  276.  #276LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    274:

    At all! no text, no email, no nothing…But that was easy in my situation after ‘you know what happened’.

    Mel repeated to me several time to stop all contact, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it…until he did something I would never ever forgive a man for.
    Him cheating on me made it easy for me to stop all contact for a whole month.
    I wish I would have done the no contact before it got to that.
    When I did try to break up with him before, I even urged him to see other women so he can shop around and see what he really wants.
    But he was too scared to end up alone.
    He did end up alone when me and the other woman both left him.

    So that’s the lesson for me: When things keep going round and round in circles and go nowhere, it’s best to just cutoff completely and take care of ourselves to get ourselves back on track.
    Just let him be and lean back bc he’ll just be worse with you if you resist what is.

    If you do talk to each other again, you could be totally different and so could he…which is my case: My man, my relationship and myself are on a totally different planet today.
    It’s crazy how everything shifted around completely!

    I think it’s in Reconnect where Rori says everything has to just STOP.

    That wheel was getting you dizzy and now it stopped turning. That is great!
    You get to reconnect to yourself even stronger before you get back with him or get with another man.



  277.  #277Starla on April 20, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    i like the idea of no contact. i’m sure, though, that when i get really good with the idea, he’ll pop right back up, because the universe does that, hehe.

    i’m going to get my beautiful hair trimmed. love you mucho!



  278.  #278Lovee on April 20, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    @RoriRaye I guess…I know your right and I have started to look into everything you have suggested, but here’s an update of something recent between us. I have been trying to focus on me and it’s been going okay and the moment I began to focus on me, we get back in touch and he invites me out. I went and everything went great. I ended up finding alot about his past from him and its really sad and unbelievable. He also told me the email I sent expressing my feeling just gave him alot to think about, which I could tell because he brought it up alot. I’m confused, but anywho thanks. I shall look into your programs and ebooks and figure out my next step. I want to be happy! I do and will take my first step to ending this pain today! Thanks Rori!



  279.  #279LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Starla,

    After letting him go completely, he came back and I ‘feel’ that he is really ‘with’ me now as much emotionally as physically.
    I hadn’t felt that in 2 years with him.

    So embrace this no contact cutoff time and use it to focus on YOU completely. It may be the best thing that ever happens to you to shift your love life!



  280.  #280LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    277:

    I’ve been in sooo many failed relationships…and they ALL came back once I had completely let go and moved on.
    D is the only one I felt like seeing again after I had moved on.
    He’s the only one in who I see what I want in a man.
    I just didn’t know how to inspire him.
    Now I know how…I just needed to focus on ME, connect to ME, and let down that stubborn thick cold wall.



  281.  #281LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    D just called while on his way to play hockey.

    I can’t describe how I feel. I just know I feel so good and smiley ๐Ÿ™‚

    I told him I wasn’t going to see him play coz my whole body feels like a train ran over it.
    My period was super duper rough these last 3 days.
    He was so curious about it and wanted to know what it was like.
    My exes were all turned off and stayed away from me at that time of the month.
    But D is all into me and wants to know all about it.
    Last night he rubbed my lower back when I complained about it hurting.

    I feel so cared for and loved.

    I told him how I felt so warm and cozy in his arms last night that I felt like I melted onto him falling asleep.
    It felt like pulling velcro apart to get up to go to work this morning.

    He sounded all happy to say that we get to do that again tomorrow night.

    I look forward to it, but I don’t feel all needy and clingy about it.
    I feel content to have this time for myself and I am enjoying it.
    I feel so calm and peaceful.



  282.  #282LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Someone posted a while ago about how our body absorbs calcium much better by drinking kefir and eating probiotic yogourt.

    I’ve switched to kefir and greek probiotic yogourt over a month ago.
    My hair and nails have been growing at a crazy rate!
    My nails used to break as soon as they would grow just slightly.
    Now they grow faster and don’t break!

    I can finally enjoy putting on pretty colours of nail polish.
    I feel so feminine with pretty coloured nails.



  283.  #283LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Where is everybody?

    I finally get to spend some quality time with my sister sirens and they all poofed ๐Ÿ™

    I feel lonely, like I missed the party.

    Oh well, I’ll just backtrack and catch up on the reading.



  284.  #284lk on April 20, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    hi, Lilibee : )))

    thanks : ) i liked reading what you wrote & i feel it is very helpful : )



  285.  #285Jessie1000 on April 20, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    Hi Lilibee!
    im reading u….and i like ur vibe….i was listening when you said I had so many failed relationships and i thought….i might say to you
    there is no failure if you tried to share time with SOMEONE….whether our situations last a month, a week, a year, its all about passing time and not the forever and ever and ever….

    i know someone who got married and then immediately broke up with her…bad situation …mother in law and didnt date once for 3 and half years….omg talk about a raw wound

    anyway, i think its not about the length because each person walks by us at different stages of our lives…
    some guys teach us things.
    some guys just share our bed
    some guys give us pleasure
    some guys keep the ghosts away
    some guys pay the bills
    some guys disappear into thin air
    some guys love us more than life itself
    some guys treat us bad because they dont know how to love

    but each person is special in their own way
    and each person can come and go in our lives
    but at least you had the guts to answer the door when they knocked

    I think a failure is when we stop reaching out to other humans

    I think a failure is when we hide away and refuse to let anyone love us …sometimes with all their faults too

    I think a failure is when the love of money becomes more important than the love of our fellow humans who are all grasping and dealing and sometimes even seizing up inside with loneliness

    I think a failure is when we block out hope

    I think hope is a life force that keeps people alive and gives meaning to life

    I think rori gives people hope….
    her ideas are unique and her messages are loving and so centered on dwelling on the goodness of both men and women

    I think to the various degrees that people are able to connect and use these tools is the starting of new steps on breaking free from cycles and sharing hope with other sirens on this blog

    I think spirituality is the mysterious presences that show up in our lives to give hope where hope was starting to wane

    and i think that hope is what keeps people living

    so lilibee, remember to fail is only to stop trying and i think you have a huge heart and lots of love and you are going to have a great life once you get out there and listen to the knocks on ur doors

    and



  286.  #286LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    152:

    I agree with you Tiffany.

    I felt good about leaning 100% back for a while when we started seeing each other after a month’s break.
    But once the relationship got under way and I felt safe, I began to feel more comfortable at 80/20.

    The other night, I turned down my man asking me to go see him play hockey at his end of season tournament.
    I turned him down bc I saw it as overfunctioning for me to drive almost an hour away to go watch him play.
    Then I started feeling icky and off at seeing his sad droopy face.
    I do enjoy watching him play after all, and he gave me attention and made me laugh when the game would stop for a short break.
    I felt so special when he would do a good move and look up at me to see if I saw it.

    I leaned forward this afternoon by calling him to tell him I would go tomorrow.
    I won’t go tonight coz I feel too tired and achy.
    I told him how I enjoyed the last time I went.
    He sounded happy and excited.
    He called me tonight to tell me where and when for tomorrow. He sounded really enthousiastic at having me there.
    I felt so good to feel my presence desired like that ๐Ÿ™‚

    So I do believe, that once in a while, there is a good time and space for leaning forward.



  287.  #287Turquoise on April 20, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Gearing up for my dates tomorrow… I’m looking forward to them, but feel relaxed… not worried. Chemist is coming all the way to me.. I’m meeting him at a diner about a mile from my house, so that feels good. We moved lunch to breakfast so wouldn’t be rushed. I have a birthday party to go to during the day, then have my dinner/adventure with the pilot. The 31 year old carpenter wants to meet for dinner and drinks, but I don’t know when I’ll have time. Ohio hasn’t contacted me today, but he wants to get together too. I’m keeping them all at bay, with need to find a babysitter, will let you know… while staying warm and open and friendly.

    C just called, I missed it, but called back a few minutes later. He asked if he could call back, said he was at dinner and that he’d called from the car. My NV’s are saying he’s on a date. Which makes me feel sad.

    Which is making me want to lean forward and text some of my guys. But bah humbug… I don’t have anything to say to them. Think I’ll check my email on the dating site, see if I’ve heard from anyone new.



  288.  #288Turquoise on April 20, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    3 new emails, nothng I feel inspired to respond to.



  289.  #289Luzydel on April 20, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    Yesterday I had another meeting with another guy; burgers and fries with drinks! nice conversation, this is all about meeting someone new, and I am discovering that I can be quite entertaining ๐Ÿ™‚

    If he calls again and ask for another meeting I will go again. I am realizing that I am seeing men as humans now. I used to idealized some of these men, and make things on my head and fantasize. If the ask to see me again I will say yes, if not I will meet other men.
    I am feeling close to balanced, It is ok if I don’t have an official man to date, I miss the sex though, but I tend to stop meeting men once I start having sex with someone, so I am treating every one the same until I feel I can sleep with a man without getting attached…



  290.  #290LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    285:

    Jessie,

    What you wrote is beautiful! It makes me ‘feel’ beautiful!
    I do know that all of these relationships have been all learning experiences and they have helped me evolve so much once I looked at them that way.
    They failed coz they had to end, but they didn’t fail in teaching me the lessons I needed to learn to evolve.

    It certainly feels a whole lot more liberating and beautiful to not call them failures.

    Thanks Jessie!



  291.  #291LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Thank You lk!

    I’ve been reading you too, you adorable you!



  292.  #292Turquoise on April 20, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Hi Lillebee…. I know C liked it when I went to his softball games. Some men really like having a cheerleader. ๐Ÿ™‚ You sound really wonderful, happy and grounded…. I’m very happy for you!!!!



  293.  #293LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    287:

    Turq,

    Your vibe feels so good.

    You don’t need to lean forward, they’re all leaning in to ask you out.
    I can’t believe how many men have asked you out!
    Wow, you’re doing so well.
    What if C is on a dinner date? You’re more on a roll than he is anyway.
    I’m so impressed.
    I feel so proud of you siren! ๐Ÿ™‚



  294.  #294LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    292:

    Yeah, D does really well at his sport.

    He feels so proud to show his woman what he can do.
    I feel important when he looks for me in the stands. After he’s done a good shot, he skates by looking up at me smiling, winks and puffs up his chest.
    I feel so honoured when he does that.

    Reminds me of a caveman bringing home the kill to his woman. lol ๐Ÿ™‚

    I clap and cheer all smiley ๐Ÿ˜€



  295.  #295LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    289:

    Luzydel,

    I feel impressed at how many new men you constantly attract.
    Some women wait forever for a man to ask them out, you have them coming constantly.
    What a siren!



  296.  #296Emerson on April 20, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    OMG I am still feeling so NUMB. It’s really weird and kind of freaking me out.

    I had a dream about my toxic ex last night, where we were hugging and then kissing and I was so happy to see him and all the bad stuff that happened seemed so distant and not real. I felt soo sad when I woke up.

    It’s kinda hung around me all day. I still feel weird.

    In other news, I haven’t heard from Recycled since I saw him the other day. He said we’d be in touch so WHATEVER. I’m so going to keep CDing and not get all excited about him but however my CDs have sure been quiet!!!!

    NewCD = MIA
    CityCD = MIA
    EmailCD = MIA
    BrainyCD = MIA

    I am annoyed wiht BrainyCD in general. He wants me to lean forward I KNOW he does.

    All the rest I feel pretty much numb all the way around, even about Recycled.

    Me no like.



  297.  #297Starla on April 20, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    i went for a haircut and for a short visit with my girl friend who ended up at my neighborhood bar (i drank water and left) and just promised myself to keep a beautiful smile on face and it worked great. i feel fabulous.

    seriously, getting a shampoo and cut did wonders for my sense of optimism.

    i hope CF is doing okay.

    I feel really excited about my weekend, because I have all these fun options for things to do with friends or alone, but i don’t HAVE to do anything except go to class, so it’s all up to me and how i feel:).



  298.  #298GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    @240 lamabutterfly

    I wanted to respond more to this cause I can relate and I didn’t have time earlier.

    “Losing this guy (my choice, again, though I didnโ€™t consciously know it) was the hardest. Probably because I was so wrapped up in HIS life, that I didnโ€™t care for my own?”

    I tend to do the same thing and push my life to the side. I’m getting better at it though. Baby steps.

    “I feel like when I commit, I let people see me. and I feel like what they see is ugly. What they see is spoiled and lazy and scatter-brained and too sad and too happy and just too much altogether.”

    Do you really let people see you? I ask this because of the comment above about being wrapped up in his life and not caring about your own. Do you really let people see the real you, if you aren’t being the real you? If you are not acting how you would normally act when you are single? Do you know what I mean?

    I feel like I’m an open book. If someone were to ask me any question, I would answer it honestly. At the same time, I don’t feel like I let people completely see the real me. Some people definitely not, other people mostly, but there is always a part of me I hold back.

    “I feel like when (certain) people get close to me (males and females included) all my bad stuff disgusts them. I feel like they get frustrated and tired of me.

    am I frustrated and tired of myself?”

    I feel like this as well. I often feel like I annoy, irritate or frustrate people. I feel like people can only handle so much of me and then they want to get away. I guess it’s my scars of not feeling accepted in my childhood that carried its way to adulthood.

    Do you feel you were so scared of that guy because he really liked you and that made you nervous? Or was it being in the spotlight and he might actually see who you really are and you were scared he wouldn’t like what he saw?



  299.  #299GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    @244 lamabutterfly

    “@242 Giving Girl โ€“ you say you feel โ€œbothered.โ€ I donโ€™t understand what that means. Do you feel scared? Do you feel insecure? Do you feel angry? Do you feel sad? โ€œBotheredโ€ isnโ€™t really an emotion, that Iโ€™m aware of. I feel like youโ€™re feeling uncomfortable. What emotion is attached to that uncomfortableness? See if you can feel it outโ€ฆ”

    I feel afraid, sad, insecure, nervous, forgotten, disconnected, worried, uneasy, tense, disappointed, tearful and powerless. I feel like I don’t mean anything, unimportant. I feel concerned that I screwed up and he’s already gone.

    My brain doesn’t think he is, but this is how I’m feeling.



  300.  #300GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    @246 lamabutterfly

    “@242 Giving Girl โ€“ Iโ€™m sensing that you might feel afraid of your feelings. How do they feel? Intense? Mixed all together? If you can let go of the fear of feeling them, it might help you identify them more easilyโ€ฆ”

    Yes, intense and mixed all together. I feel consumed by them and can’t shake them. I’m not good at feeling my feelings. I’m used to just stuffing them down and ignoring them. That’s what I’ve always done. I would never talk about my feelings, I would just keep everything inside and hold it in along with my tears and my hurt. I’ve been trying to get more in tune with them and it’s hard for me.



  301.  #301GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    @249 lamabutterfly

    I’ve had a headache most of the week. My chest feels tight and I feel like I’m holding my breath a lot. I’ve had a kink in my neck all week as well. Maybe my purse is too heavy, I don’t know. My eyes are very tired and irritated. I’m tired all over. My stomach feels hollow and bloated. My legs feel tight. I’m tense.

    Thank you for helping to talk me through my feelings. It helps.



  302.  #302GivingGirl on April 20, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    @271 Lilibee

    What changed? How did he go from difficult to not difficult? Or was it because you changed? I’m curious. It sounds like you would recommend the Toxic Man program?



  303.  #303ulii on April 20, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    Hi Sirens! Iยดm just briefly popping in..

    hugs to (((FEMININEWOMAN))) as I understand there’s been an injury. Hope you get better quickly!! Love & Healing to you!!

    @Starla @LK
    please, if you wish, I’d feel glad to help with Spanish translation too, I studied Spanish philology & lived in Spain for 6 years & now Iยดm translating from Spanish to my language and vice versa (using a lot of English in between, as there’s not many good special terminology dictionaries between Estonian/Spanish; still I think that my English needs a lot of improving)

    @LK I really enjoy to read about you getting closer to your dream job. All the funny dreams about clothes & having trips to Italy drinking wine. ๐Ÿ™‚

    @Starla – great to hear you are doing well & have found some anger too; for me it has been really helpful sometimes, to really push me into moving on when I felt stuck and in a bad place after a break-up.

    @Lizka – Iยดm glad your new job is starting nicely.

    @Daria – Iยดd really like to agree to this 100% leaning back approach. I do feel bad and a bit disappointed if I read about Sirens leaning forward. But then it seems to work for them. Or is it only when they are feeling like a Rock-star?
    And I do feel really compassionate sometimes for the feminine energy men in my life, like they are completely lost if I start to lean back 100%. I thought I don’t want them anymore. My ex M was like that and it didn’t work out. I thought I need a completely masculine man now. But the truth is, that Iยดm afraid of them, and the fear kind of stops the attraction. I still feel more attracted to the guys who have some sensitivity & feminine energy qualities to them. But it’s so hard to communicate with them when they start hinting I could initiate too, or even half demanding it. It’s so hard not to do that, as I have been doing it so far in my life.



  304.  #304ulii on April 20, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Also hugs to all the other Sirens & blog, as I don’t have more time now to catch up with all the posts..

    (((Sirens)))

    ((blog))

    And many thanks for the article, Rori! I really was that overanalyzing & long writing woman myself… in big part I still am. Thanks for the reminder to get out of my head and sink into the feelings.



  305.  #305Turquoise on April 20, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Hmmm…. well, sirens, you know how when something seems too good to be true, it usually is? I did some online investigating, and looks like pilot is 51, not 41 like he said… and in addition to the 21 year old son he has, he didn’t bother to mention the 4 year old daughter. Now, maybe that isn’t a lie because he didn’t say he only had a son, that is just the one he spoke of, but omission…. to me, is pretty muchthe same as a lie. BUT, to lie about your age by 10 years???? That is a lot.

    So, not feeling like I want to meet him anymore, even though the airplane would be so fun. That part is true, I saw pictures on FB. Which is where I saw the little girl too.

    Anyways, not feeling like a siren right now. feeling mad and frustrated and irritable. And C didn’t call back like he said he would, which makes me even more mad. He’ll probably call while I’m on my date in the morning.



  306.  #306ulii on April 20, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    @296 Emerson

    A silly question:
    can I ask, what MIA stands for?
    I have noticed this combination of letters few times on the blog, but didn’t get the meaning yet.



  307.  #307Starla on April 20, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    i am definitely a long writing woman in all areas. work, academics, personal.



  308.  #308LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Hi GivingGirl,

    I changed 1st.

    I didn’t force myself to change.
    I just let go of him completely, and got completely wrapped up in myself.
    I did everything just for ME.
    I went out with girlfriends dancing, to spas, for coffea, zumba class.
    I put my profile up on Match.com.
    I met men in nightclubs, on Match, through a friend.
    I met and cd’d with many different men everywhere.
    I joined a meetup group and went rollerblading.
    I listened to Rori’s audio CDs in my car for months and practiced on any man that showed up.
    I focused long and hard to connect to my feelings and practiced expressing them here and on everyone I spoke to at work, with family, guys, friends.

    We went about 5 weeks with absolutely no contact.
    When he called after all that time, he was surprised to hear about all that I was up to.
    He was seeing another woman at the time.
    Me and her found out about each other, got together and had a long talk.
    I told him about it.
    Both of us women stepped away from him totally, no contact from either of us.
    After 1 or 2 weeks, he came back to me ready to commit: He offered a new house, total devotion…and then some.

    It’s been a month and a half since we’ve started seeing each other again.
    I am totally different bc I now am able to connect to myself, get in touch with my feelings and express them to him.
    He has totally turned around. When he starts giving me that familiar look like he gets scared or worried and starts to pull away…I start feeling my feelings, sink into them and share them…he pulls in close every time.

    I feel that he trusts me now to stay close to me bc I have let down my walls.
    He loves to hear about my feelings. He always pays close attention when I share them.
    I hear myself get in my head sometimes, and I can see him leaning away when I do.
    I catch myself, and get back into my feelings, and he is magically drawn to lean in and listen closely.
    That’s when he’ll pull me towards him, hug me and cuddle me.
    I feel him ‘with’ me now.

    I used to block my feelings before by being controlling, businesslike and shutdown.
    He had this distant worried look on his face then.
    He always pulled away from me and treated me like I was unimportant.
    I felt like a nobody.

    Now I feel cherished, appreciated, wanted and loved.



  309.  #309Starla on April 20, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Missing In Action = MIA. Military term we use here to describe a soldier who disappeared for one reason or another.



  310.  #310ulii on April 20, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    @305 Turquoise
    I feel for you! ..
    My first boyfriend lied his age by one year. It wouldn’t mean anything, if he’d been honest in the beginning, but when I found out that he wasn’t older than me, but younger… already few months into the relationship, it was a huge turn-off. I mean… it was so stupid to lie about your age only one year. But 10 years is already serious. It’s like hiding your real self completely, pretending you’re somebody you’re not.



  311.  #311ulii on April 20, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for the answer Starla!!



  312.  #312Turquoise on April 20, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Oh a happier note… One of my best friends and I had a huge falling out about 2 years ago, and I recently saw her and it still felt really tense. I’ve been thinking about healing all my relationships, so I’ve been doing the hippowhatever it’s called (no offense, I can’t think of it) meditationing and focusing on there being healing there. Just in the last two weeks. I saw her today at the store, and her youngest daughter was extremely excited to see me, make conversation and get her mom and I to talk. We did for about 15 min. and while it started slow… it warmed up, both of us saying to tell the other’s families we said hello. They are on their way to Disney, and I suggested a restaurant, but couldn’t think of the name of it… so told her I’d email it. In the email I also said I was sorry it had been so long, and that I think of her often, and am very happy for them about their new baby. I have no expectation of if we’ll be friends again, but I feel at peace with myself. I made the effort to forgive and share my happy/positive vibe. I don’t know if we should be friends again, but I know we need to get past what happened. So that feels good to me.

    I am really hopeful I’ll like my chemist tomorrow. I’ve wanted to meet him for a long time. I really liked his profile, but never wrote to him. I don’t even know what I’m wearing. Guess I should figure that out! Meeting him in 10 hours!



  313.  #313Turquoise on April 20, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Ulii…. I feel that way too. 10 years is a decade, that is a big difference. And, it makes him 13 years older than me…. I think I went out with him it would beause of what he could give me, (travel, said he was going to spoil me) more so than for him. It will be hard to respect him if he’s lied to me.



  314.  #314LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    308:

    One lesson that really stands out through my experience:

    I’ve learned that I can be happy without a man.
    I went out and got my own life.
    I am now confident that I can have a happy life even if the relationship ends.
    That alone releases alot of pressure off of him and the relationship, and leaves more space for fun.
    I don’t feel as needy to hang onto him for dear life.
    And now he knows it. He asked a bunch of questions about what I was up to while we weren’t in contact and I told him honestly.
    My vibe was totally different.
    When he wanted to see me again, I kept him waiting by having other plans for my time, I was not in a hurry.
    I kept going out with my girlfriends and cd’ing.
    He has had to book my time in advance to see me.

    Now he’s got me booked plenty until August.
    He never planned anything ahead during our ‘old’ relationship.
    I’m still planning girly stuff with my girlfriends, and cd’ing myself and men I run into.



  315.  #315Starla on April 20, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    i am feeling really fulfilled and happy doing all those things i listed out for myself yesterday!! Right now I am cleaning up my house from the week. it feels nice to slow down and take time to take care of my temple.



  316.  #316LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    315:

    That’s why I don’t worry about you Starla.
    You always come through for yourself.

    I feel so good seeing a siren love herself ๐Ÿ™‚



  317.  #317LiliBee on April 20, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Starla,

    You inspire me to make my own list:

    Shower
    Clean bathroom
    Dust
    Vacuum
    Do my hair
    Self manicure
    Self pedicure
    Makeup

    I oughta feel all girly and pretty ๐Ÿ™‚



  318.  #318Starla on April 20, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    316 Lilibee, that really seems to be the case during this time. What a change in me compared to other romantic loss times!

    And I’ve been blessed with help whenever I needed it. I haven’t been left alone once when I was slipping. That feels incredible.



  319.  #319Starla on April 20, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Lilibee, that list seems like you’re feeling compelled to tend to your home and self care… springtime is such a great time for this! I have been feeling very inspired myself.



  320.  #320Starla on April 20, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    i often felt nervous and afraid of f*cking up or saying something stupid when I was talking to CF. I felt like I was on eggshells (not his fault) or i was surrounded by them all the time. Now I look back at that and feel detached from that frame of mind, and like I won’t be keeping it around anymore.

    Like if I’m extremely hungry, I can’t keep my emotions straight in a fearful situation with my man. Why? It contributes, but it should never lead to breakdowns, because it doesn’t with friends or coworkers. The fear is the problem. I can eat regularly to be sure to minimize the possibility, but being hungry should never throw me over the edge.

    I believe that I can be starving hungry/overworked/sleep deprived and not feel afraid of someone close to me.

    Sending myself deliberate love over the last couple of weeks has healed me so much!



  321.  #321Radlove on April 20, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Hi everyone!

    Whew, have I been busy! LOL, I stumbled on a really effective Craigslist ad!!! I was just cruising thru the โ€œStrictly Platonicโ€ section and I found one sex ad after another!

    So I posted this:

    WHAT ABOUT โ€œSTRICTLY PLATONICโ€ DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????? โ€“ w4m โ€“ 47 (SLIMEVILLE)

    Date: 2012-04-18, 3:15PM EDT
    Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here

    I am so sick of going in the STRICTLY PLATONIC section and finding appeals for sex.

    There is a whole section for per(verts! Itโ€™s called โ€œCasual Encountersโ€! Use it, so people like me can search the ads without feeling slimed.

    I also posted a photo of Siren Island, something I got off the internet. Next thing I knew, I had one response after another of men who wanted to be just friends and not grope me! So I have a pool of about 15 men right now, who Iโ€™ve been avidly emailing and texting! Amazing.



  322.  #322Radlove on April 20, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    Hi Rori,

    Sorry, I wonder why this keeps landing in moderation.

    Hi everyone!

    Whew, have I been busy! LOL, I stumbled on a really effective Craigslist ad!!! I was just cruising thru the โ€œStrictly Platonicโ€ section and I found one sex ad after another!

    So I posted this:

    WHAT ABOUT โ€œSTRICTLY PLATONICโ€ DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????? โ€“ w4m โ€“ 47 (SLIMEVILLE)

    Date: 2012-04-18, 3:15PM EDT
    Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here

    I am so sick of going in the STRICTLY PLATONIC section and finding appeals for sex.

    There is a whole section for perverts! Itโ€™s called โ€œCasual Encountersโ€! Use it, so people like me can search the ads without feeling slimed.

    I also posted a photo of Siren Island, something I got off the internet. Next thing I knew, I had one response after another of men who wanted to be just friends and not grope me! So I have a pool of about 15 men right now, who Iโ€™ve been avidly emailing and texting! Amazing.



  323.  #323Radlove on April 20, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Hi,

    I had another fun day helping my friend move! We worked really hard for 7 hours, and then we went out and celebrated her new life!

    We went to Chipotles…are you familiar with it? It is my new favorite restaurant! I had my ideal meal! I got a rice bowl with steak, sour cream, guacamole, beans, pico de gallo, salsa, sauteed green peppers and onions, corn, and it was absolutely delicious!

    Then we talked. She is newly engaged, and I gave her a free class in sex education, LOL! It was fun to see her reactions, because it is new to her. LOL. I told her it is ok to talk about like mashed potatoes and gravy with the right person.

    And, best of all, it feels good to know our friendship has gelled. She is the same one with whom i went to the conference a couple weeks ago. We have so much in common!



  324.  #324Daria on April 20, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    feeling queezy healing from out and around my head… top of third chakra to beg of forehead

    (((Daria))))



  325.  #325Daria on April 20, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Daria i know youre feeling terribly panicke and scared and sad and I LOVE YOU

    and you will be ok

    omg you are so amazing

    and amazing does NOT repell men

    (((Daria)))



  326.  #326Daria on April 20, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    Thank you for vacuuming my room Daria



  327.  #327Daria on April 20, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    wwwoh

    i took a lil teaspoon of evening primrose oil and i can feel mysefl soothing



  328.  #328Daria on April 20, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    yay Radlove – Chipotle has as far as i know all natural meat too which feels really good to me



  329.  #329Daria on April 20, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    yay my boyfriend (one of them ๐Ÿ™‚ ) NeighborCD is on his way to celebrate 420 w me

    there were so many ppl out in the city too! that felt exciting

    i get the feeling as i heal more and more I will be attracting great friends

    some of my brothers have been hittin me up too



  330.  #330Daria on April 20, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    and women !



  331.  #331Daria on April 20, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    ey yo imn wondering if wearing heels for thei first time in awhile mafe me feel nauseaus?

    i felt like that last time too i remember…

    hmmm

    i dont wanna feel that way…



  332.  #332Starla on April 20, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    somehow my house effortlessly became clean and my homework was done and i brushed my teeth and made myself something to eat and i had visited with a friend and gotten a hair cut and exercised, too. gosh, everything happens so effortlessly!



  333.  #333Starla on April 20, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    Daria, happy day to you. I received many 420 blessings. When I was walking along the river to my appointment, nice men stopped me to offer me some 420 blessings.



  334.  #334Starla on April 21, 2012 at 12:00 am

    i feel like when i hug myself (energetically), i am hugging the whole universe. ๐Ÿ™‚
    (((((starla))))))



  335.  #335Daria on April 21, 2012 at 12:09 am

    i just ate some fish and took some herbs to balance out marijuana

    happy birthday maria oana yemaya oshun

    my wonderful green friend i love you

    thank you for being htere for me and giving me space when i need it and comfort and company and sharing fun with me when i wanted

    thank you for supporting me in healing and knowing myself!



  336.  #336Daria on April 21, 2012 at 12:11 am

    (((Starla)))

    thank you ! It feels fun to celebrate our green frien’ds birthday with you!

    i met her everywhere in the city and talked to my parents about her day ๐Ÿ™‚



  337.  #337Starla on April 21, 2012 at 12:11 am

    There is something big and wonderful coming my way:)

    goodnight ((((((((blog)))))))))



  338.  #338Starla on April 21, 2012 at 12:12 am

    wow i feel impressed, daria, that you talked to your parents about her!



  339.  #339Daria on April 21, 2012 at 12:13 am

    hi-5 Starla!

    i stood up for myself to myself and others and DID NOT do chores i didn’t want to do

    and now my room has become a glossy temple!



  340.  #340Daria on April 21, 2012 at 12:14 am

    and my mom turns to me for herbs and healing !



  341.  #341Daria on April 21, 2012 at 12:15 am

    Starla – yeah i told them today is world maria oana day ๐Ÿ™‚ and thats why everyone aroudn is smoking@!

    and ew kept talking about it… i even joked and todl my mom my dad should take us to a pot club now ๐Ÿ™‚ hehe

    my mom seems all open to it… the toher day she talked about how she was thinking of getitng a club card!

    whoa!
    hhee



  342.  #342Daria on April 21, 2012 at 12:17 am

    my dad was like no.

    also my dad said something that felt bad in the car and i felt awful and just awful and then healed a trauma of when he hit me in the head when i was lil (didn’t happen often, just remember this once)

    no wonder i felt all dizzhy and blank brained

    and i feel that way when im triggered that way

    and now it processed out! just healed!

    woooh

    it felt awful tho

    im healing in this amazing way

    like those kundalinin awakenings

    healing channel goes up

    manifesting channel down

    yay!



  343.  #343Daria on April 21, 2012 at 12:19 am

    my room has become a glossy temple cuz now i spontaneously do chores for fun!

    effortlessly!

    yay



  344.  #344Sirenity on April 21, 2012 at 2:45 am

    @2 brandylion

    I wish Iโ€™d paid more attention to that and taken his lack of planning throughout the winter as a yellow flag that he was not as invested as I was.

    Exactly , you said it very well..its about INVESTMENT.
    We feel bad when they arent stepping up but instead of getting busy and filling the space we just have to wait and ..we will soon have all the information we need to look after ourselves.



  345.  #345Sirenity on April 21, 2012 at 2:49 am

    I love the glossy temple Daria ..I just cleaned my house and its so non glossy ๐Ÿ™‚ It is however warm and charming and Big Dog is sleeping by my feet.

    Met a nice CD yesterday ..hes so SHORT !!!
    I am just imagining not havi9ng a males physical protection and whether I can deal with that if hes smart and creative and has a cute smile ..I towered over him in 2″ heels!



  346.  #346Francesca on April 21, 2012 at 3:18 am

    Jessie, I really like what you wrote @ 285.

    Thank you.



  347.  #347Sirenity on April 21, 2012 at 3:31 am

    305@turquoise

    A little tale to share ..years ago when i was separated and awaiting divorce i met a guy who subtracted 8 years from his age . He didnt look 53 (to my 43) and I didnt find out till AFTER we had dated a bit and gone to bed . I still remember the total shock I felt when he apolgized and showed me his ID. I felt violated and cheated at some deep level.

    Things progressed over the next year and he asked me to consider marriage . The very next day he left my city, he didnt answer my desperate emails and calls and long story..he went back to his ex and children way across the country.

    I learned then that when honesty is expendable up front on a profile , then buyer beware !

    Also I recently was dated by a pilot , who claimed to be 54 . On meeting I knew he was lying , he was so wrinkly . He took me out to a fabulous lunch but couldnt keep up when we were walking up to a light house afterwards. He would not answer my direct question re his age, and not until later did he email that he was 64. Needless to say he was deleted immediately.



  348.  #348Silver Moonbeam on April 21, 2012 at 4:06 am

    I have found on the dating sites, that the men who lie about their age (not talking a few years) also lie about their height and weight too.

    My friend and I laugh (now) at some of the calamities we have met, one guy was soooo old she christened him Moses. ๐Ÿ˜€



  349.  #349Femininewoman on April 21, 2012 at 4:43 am

    LiliBee you are my inspiration



  350.  #350GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 5:07 am

    @308 Lilibee your story feels so inspiring & lovely to me. Thanks for sharing.



  351.  #351lilybelly on April 21, 2012 at 5:10 am

    FW~

    How are you healing up?



  352.  #352GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 5:13 am

    @314 Lilibee

    I seem to be in a happier place when I’m not with a man. I don’t feel all the stress & worry. I guess that’s on me, I do it to myself. Boat Guy doesn’t plan in advance either & I wish he would. Which of Rori’s programs did you like the best?



  353.  #353lilybelly on April 21, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Turq~

    Thinking about you this morning with your breakfast date and hoping that you totally just relax and enjoy it.

    As far as Pilot not being honest about his age? Sounds like a great opportunity to state wants and don’t wants and boundaries with someone. But, I would make absolutely sure that he is telling a untruth (I don’t like the word lie for some reason..it feels icky to me) and I would ask him straight out. “I feel curious, Pilot…” He will know you did some research on him and if he says anything about that you can always say…”I owe it to myself and my girls to be sure that whoever I spend time with is golden.” Or something like that.



  354.  #354Turquoise on April 21, 2012 at 5:23 am

    Lol… Sirenity and Moonbeam, wrinkly… Oh the vision! I really wonder in this day and age, how they think they can get away with it!

    Anyways, I am getting ready for my breakfast with the chemist, and he just called… Is excited, and is coming the whole way to meet me so we will have more time. It was the first time we talked. I like his voice and sense of humor. He was teasing me about not being a morning person and that I would have to get used to it… Because he is. I like it when they have an expectation it’s going to go well. Feels good to me.



  355.  #355Tam on April 21, 2012 at 5:29 am

    @ Starla..thank you!
    And by the way, the ‘no contact’ has always worked for me too. For some reason various ex-boyfriends or dates come back when they started missing me. I also find it makes me feel better when they initiate contact. I expect nothing and when it happens am pleasantly surprised.
    Even the guy I was involved with, who seems like he is pretty much ‘unavailable’, stepped up when I stepped back, which completely astonished me. Before, when I tried to contact and ‘make it work’, he ran away and it never worked out. So I gave up basically and everything started to change, I met other ‘better’ men and he started behaving like them too!! So this leaning back definitely works, and the no contact when there has been a ‘situation’ also does help to wipe the slate clean.
    One time I had no contact with a guy for 3 months (I had pretty much thought I’d never hear/see him again) and he re-appeared and like was said above: the slate was clean and he had changed, I had changed and the whole thing was MUCH better. This could happen to you too, but in the meantime look after yourself ๐Ÿ™‚
    xxx



  356.  #356GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 5:42 am

    I have a surprise bday party tonight for my girlfriend. Crazy, procrastinating me, thinks I’m going to be able to draw a portrait of her baby, clean house, shower, go buy a card and do this all by 7pm when I need to be there. Wish me luck!!



  357.  #357Daria on April 21, 2012 at 6:04 am

    So in looove w myself !

    My cd was giving me a massage for hours and he’s like I dono who’s doing who the favor cuz he said he liked mu thighs and tummy that I had one



  358.  #358LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 6:06 am

    350:

    Giving Girl,

    I loved both Toxic Men and Reconnect your Relationship.
    I listened to both of them in my car in traffic every day on my way to and from work, over and over and over again…I think maybe 4 or 5 times each.
    Every single time I listened to them, I got something new from them.

    I also did some tapping with Margaret Lynch on Youtube on ‘resistance’.
    I seemed to absorb the lessons alot more after the tapping.

    I told my man last night that I would go see his afternoon game at his tournament today.
    He used to go off on his tournaments and I wouldn’t hear from him until it was over.
    He just called me this morning and said “be ready in an hour” in a happy enthousiastic voice.
    I said “I just woke up 5 minutes ago, I feel groggy and congested. I feel like I’m coming down with a cold. I’ll be resting to feel in shape for your afternoon game.”
    He said “Aw ๐Ÿ™ OK, I’ll call you later to tell you what time depending on if we win the morning game or not.”

    TOTAL TURNAROUND IN ATTITUDE!!! I LOOOVE IT! ๐Ÿ™‚
    My whole body is tingling with happiness vibes ๐Ÿ™‚



  359.  #359Daria on April 21, 2012 at 6:09 am

    I like short guys too … I find them very protective and great fighters and taker caters in the physical dept . Mentally even.

    My short friend is the first guy ever who jumped in a fight for me and it was against a guy my ex his friend and he was whoopin him for hitting me cuz I was a girl.



  360.  #360LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 6:11 am

    355:

    Daria,

    “So in looove w myself !”
    – I feel instant joy when I read that from a siren.
    It makes me smile ๐Ÿ™‚
    Feels so awesome to feel in love with ourselves.



  361.  #361Daria on April 21, 2012 at 6:11 am

    Yay Lilibee man fun



  362.  #362LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 6:12 am

    357:

    Short men are feisty! I love that!



  363.  #363LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 6:16 am

    347:

    Awww FW,

    I feel moved.
    I felt your hand holding mine the whole way since last June.



  364.  #364Daria on April 21, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Yay luzydel!



  365.  #365Sun Goddess on April 21, 2012 at 6:21 am

    Yesterday was so much fun! It was my 7 year divorce anniversary. I saw (and kissed) two of my CDs (music man and ANcd) and LP was texting asking me what I was up to. Im not even thinking about LP unless he contacts me anymore. I still haven’t said anything to him about my CDing mainly because I haven’t seen him and I think it needs to be said in person.

    I also talked to a guy I went to high school with and he told me that he regretted not spending more time with me a couple of years ago before he got married. Hmmm…I’m so enjoying being single!



  366.  #366silver moonbeam on April 21, 2012 at 6:31 am

    I’m sitting on the top deck of a red London bus weeeee



  367.  #367LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 6:43 am

    363:

    Wow SG!
    I’m lovin’ your vibe! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Single?
    Feels like I missed out on a part of your story.
    I did miss a couple of threads from a week ago.
    Care to point me to yours?



  368.  #368LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 6:44 am

    364:

    Oh, oh, SM!

    I’ve seen those on tv in your country.
    It looks like so much fun to be sightseeing in those.
    Weeeee!



  369.  #369Sun Goddess on April 21, 2012 at 6:53 am

    LiliBee,

    LP hasn’t been giving me what I need. This week alone, in total, I talked with him for a total of two minutes (three different phone conversation over several days) on the phone and only received a few texts from him. He is fine with things like that, but I’m not. I still need to Give him the no girlfriend speech but I think i need to do it in person and He isn’t making plans to see me, so I’m waiting.

    I had three dates with ANcd this week. And, I had a fun night with my dj CD, Music Man. He even asked me to take Monday off so we could do something during the day. These guys are stepping up and it feels really good. ๐Ÿ™‚



  370.  #370LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 7:05 am

    321:

    What is ‘pico de gallo’ ?

    The only US restaurants I’ve been to recently was Applebee’s only once.

    I spent my childhood crossing over to the US to go to McDonald’s and chinese buffets.

    I’ve been looking at the restaurant menus in Vegas for my upcoming trip. The portions look huge and the food looks like it’s mostly drenched in sauce and cheese.

    Do I have any hope of finding long grain wild rice instead of mashed potatoes and fries?
    I’ll be looking for fish and salads…ordering the dressing on the side.
    I’ve seen many sandwiches with rye bread. Yum and healthy!

    Fatty carby foods, even in small portions, make my body feel weighed down, sluggish and sleepy.

    I want to feel energized and perky in Vegas.

    I have gotten used to having fries and fast food only once every 2 or 3 months.
    Even pasta, I have it organic whole wheat only.
    I make my pasta sauce with ground horsemeat (less fat than ground beef with no growth hormones), nothing but organic tomatoes, veggies and spices.
    I eat 7% fat only cheese.

    How will I survive a whole week in Vegas without feeling heavy and sluggish?

    Any tips anyone?



  371.  #371LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 7:07 am

    367:

    It feels good to see you taking care of your girly you SG!



  372.  #372lilybelly on April 21, 2012 at 7:15 am

    There is some serious Rockstar, Siren vibes on the blog this morning!! I can feel it right through the words that are written1



  373.  #373Dominique on April 21, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Lilibee – Not to worry, there is healthy food to be found wherever you go. I had no problems finding food I want to eat in Vegas.

    BTW too low fat diet is not so good for you. Your body needs and does better with healthy fats included for better digestion, healthier hair, skin, and nails, joint lubrication, and it will stays lean and slim more easily, fats such as organic, virgin coconut oil, good quality olive oil, avocado, hemp oil.

    Avoiding fats will age you as fast as over sunning.

    xxoo



  374.  #374LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 7:20 am

    370:

    Hi Lovely Lilybelly!

    Those vibes are contagious too!



  375.  #375Sun Goddess on April 21, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Thanks LiliBee.



  376.  #376LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 7:28 am

    371:

    Thank you Dominique.

    I love avocados and Omega fatty fish. Many of the restaurants have olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette on their salad menu.

    I found a ‘whole organic foods’ market on the google map of Vegas.
    I’ll be looking for coconut water there.
    I’ll bring my lightweight metal travel thermos to pour it in and bring on sightseeing.



  377.  #377lilybelly on April 21, 2012 at 7:29 am

    372:

    Oh yes, it is contagious. I feel joy when I read all this good stuff…and it boosts my vibe even higher.

    These days, I think I may be walking on air….

    (ps. I like that you call me lovely lilybelly. It causes me to feel smile-y.)



  378.  #378LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 7:49 am

    375:

    Then your new name is Lovely Lilybelly to me ๐Ÿ™‚



  379.  #379Dominique on April 21, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Lilybelly!!! – ๐Ÿ™‚

    xxoo



  380.  #380Starla on April 21, 2012 at 7:51 am

    lilibee, it’s not going to be the easiest to find healthy, good food in vegas, although i feel really weird saying that, because why can’t it be effortless, right?:)

    the sushi restaurants are a good source of healthier menu items. the little cafes in the casinos (not the main restaurant) also usually serve lighter, healthier things.

    Many of these restaurants just aren’t that good, regardless of what they’re offering.

    I feel bad saying that=/

    yelp.com is a great site to find decent food. Type in the zipcode and browse.

    When I was in Vegas, I also used to get friendly with locals/workers and ask them what their favorite restaurants are. That always worked!



  381.  #381Starla on April 21, 2012 at 7:56 am

    haha gosh, i took too long to post my reply, and i was beat to it, big time!

    i feel happy seeing dominique saying she had an easy time in vegas. i think my attitude was making it even harder to attract good food to eat, and i don’t know why it can’t just be effortless.



  382.  #382Dominique on April 21, 2012 at 7:59 am

    How are you feeling Starla? Belly better? You seem lighter in spirit the last two days.

    xxoo



  383.  #383Starla on April 21, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Ladies, I have amazing news to share! Well, amazing to me, at least!

    While I was sleeping, an old friend of mine messaged me on facebook. This friend turned condescending towards me a few years ago, and started talking to me like I wasn’t anything smart or special. He got all uppity about intellectualism, if you know the type. But we remained facebook friends, and I tried never to take his attitude personally.

    So anyway, his message basically said that I seem to be doing really well for myself, and he’s not doing so hot, so could I please talk to him ASAP cuz he’d appreciate my input about that.

    It felt like such a great affirmation. I felt scared last night that brainiac-type people would find me and my projects ridiculous and elementary, and that I was getting eye-rolls from people whenever I am open about my goals and projects.

    Instead, they want to know what I’m ordering off the menu. That’s crazy to me! ๐Ÿ˜€

    And then I shared with a friend that this happened, because I was just telling him last night about my fear that really smart people will think I am a joke for pursuing my intellectual goals with abandon and confidence. And my friend said something really amazing to me… and I couldn’t help but agree! He said, “people are noticing the things you do because you’re good at them and you’re not afraid to show how happy you are to be receiving all of the nice vibes from everywhere. you haven’t let it get to your head either”

    I feel like, wow, I am successful, and better yet, I am worthy and people THINK I’m worthy of it. Wow!

    Everything is changing so much in my life. I have spent my whole life feeling not good enough and unsupported and alone, but lately I haven’t been left alone once when I needed support.

    I just send myself love deliberately as much as I can remember to. I constantly cheer for myself.

    It is doing wonders.

    If I could even describe it very well, I’d write a whole book about it.



  384.  #384Starla on April 21, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Hi Dominique! I am feeling a lot better. My belly is still weird and I still think about the situation all the time, but it feels more and more like background noise that will eventually go away. Like the caffeine headache;).



  385.  #385GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 8:13 am

    @356 Lilibee

    Sound beautiful. I feel so happy for you! Thanks.



  386.  #386LiliBee on April 21, 2012 at 8:24 am

    381:

    Awww, I feel so happy for you Starla! ๐Ÿ™‚

    That’s exactly how I felt the last couple of months…like it was just “background noise” to my happy life.



  387.  #387GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Taking a break, but I think I might actually finish this portrait by 1 pm. I will be good with time. I have such a hard time drawing noses…I hope this turns out. This is my first real portrait drawing I’ve done, other than self-portrait in class.



  388.  #388Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 8:28 am

    ๐Ÿ™
    I’m feeling hopeless and sad. I don’t know if it’s just impatience on my part that is causing it…??
    I don’t see things happening that I want and it’s frustrating.



  389.  #389Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 8:29 am

    I had trouble getting through this article and reading Joan’s letter…I found it rambly and hard to follow. I skipped down and just read Rori’s reply.



  390.  #390Starla on April 21, 2012 at 8:30 am

    ((((((((((Emerson)))))))))))))))))))



  391.  #391GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 8:32 am

    @Emerson I found Joan’s letter hard to read and understand too.



  392.  #392GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Ate some breakfast, fresh squeezed OJ, making some red tea, listening to Johnny Cash Pandora Radio, it’s a beautiful sunny day, but a little chilly. I need to figure out my outfit for tonight.

    Trying to distract myself from wishing my phone would go off with a text from Boat Guy ๐Ÿ™



  393.  #393Starla on April 21, 2012 at 8:51 am

    GivingGirl, I know that feeling of wishing my phone would go off SO well. Right now, I’m not feeling it because of the full detachment I’m going through, so it has me wondering how I can feel good like this the next time I start getting close to a man.



  394.  #394Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Thank you Starla and GivingGirl.

    I am wondering about something. Recycled offered to help me with something, and now I want to take him up on it but I don’t want to lean forward and contact him…what do you think sirens? I could really use his help.



  395.  #395Starla on April 21, 2012 at 8:54 am

    made squash with garlic on the stove for breakfast, poured a little glass of hemp milk, good music on. inspiring saturday morning:)



  396.  #396Starla on April 21, 2012 at 8:55 am

    Emerson, what is it that you need help with? It all depends on how much you genuinely need help from him specifically.



  397.  #397GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 9:01 am

    @391 Starla,

    I know you do. It really stinks. I really don’t know the answer to that.



  398.  #398GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 9:02 am

    @Emerson – could someone else help you?



  399.  #399Starla on April 21, 2012 at 9:04 am

    i wish i knew how to answer that for you, too, givinggirl! just keep trying stuff, i guess. fake it till you make it has been my best bet thus far. actually, that’s basically how i got rid of that wishing feeling lately – by faking it until I felt it true. I still wish but it feels way less urgent!!



  400.  #400GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Yea, I’ve become good at faking it to other people, but not to myself. I feel like I’m in limbo. We haven’t texted since Wed. night. I’m not going to contact him first either, which is what is hard because I want to so bad. I’ve been good at controlling myself though.



  401.  #401GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 9:08 am

    Break time is over…back to drawing! I could dilly dally on the computer all day…AND I have before! LOL



  402.  #402GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 9:10 am

    I was reading the 5 keys and my biggest problem is I’ve always wanted to be the receiver, but I’ve always been the giver. I have to stop my need for control & perfection.



  403.  #403Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 9:16 am

    My living situation is a little down in the sh&tter right now and I travel very far to work and he lives near my work so he offered for me to stay at his house now and then. He lives alone and told me to just call him if I need a break want to stay there and not drive home. I would have my own room.



  404.  #404Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 9:19 am

    401 that was @ Starla

    Giving Girl I have a hard time asking for help and what I need is hard to ask for….



  405.  #405Femininewoman on April 21, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Thanks for askingLilybelle. The doc



  406.  #406Starla on April 21, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Emerson, if you want to take him up on it, and you have no other good options, then just hit him up, and say, thank you so much for offering that. i would actually feel really appreciative if i could take you up on it. i’m ready to start doing that anytime.”

    you’re feeling unworthy of help right now. i so know the feeling. ((((((emerson)))))))))



  407.  #407Femininewoman on April 21, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Thanks for askingLilybelle. The doc said he was a bit surprised at the progress



  408.  #408Starla on April 21, 2012 at 9:49 am

    yay fw has magical healing powers:)



  409.  #409Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 9:54 am

    406 thank you Starla I like how that sounds. I feel scared and yes unworthy. ๐Ÿ™

    My job stuff is going well but my living situation is so important to me to feel comfortable and safe and relaxed, and right at the moment its so not!



  410.  #410Femininewoman on April 21, 2012 at 9:58 am

    The pain is excruciating and oxycodene makes me feel nauseous and partially unconscious.



  411.  #411siren song on April 21, 2012 at 10:14 am

    ((FW))



  412.  #412Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 10:24 am

    FW I’m so behind on the blog, I didn’t know….sorry you are in pain. (((FW)))



  413.  #413Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I wish Recycled would call me so I don’t have to lean forward and call him.



  414.  #414Femininewoman on April 21, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Thanks. One thing I am learning is how amazingly help appears when needed and how men really want to help. My rich unavailable cd even showed up last night after I leaned forward to let him know what happened. He and two gfriends husbands were here so I also got to see how men interact with each other. Cd had said to call him Thursday so he could come over. I didn’t but he contacted me yesterday, then came. At least once during the night it felt like we were a team. He looked at me during a bit of a deep conversation he was having with one of the men as if it was me he was addressing. I practiced using feeling messages and one of the other guys suggested that I have been independent.



  415.  #415Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Well Recycled did tell me to call him if I ever needed to take him up on it. Is that still leaning forward if I call him?



  416.  #416Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Starla Your suggestion in 406 is helpful because when I imagine myself having the conversation with him it’s so self depreciating…I hear myself starting off with “did you really mean it when you said you’d offer for me to stay with you..??” etc etc….like I need to have affirmation that he really meant it…instead of taking his word for it and just saying I appreciate it and I want to take you up on it…..I feel all nervous in my tummy and all tied up and pessimistic.



  417.  #417Femininewoman on April 21, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Emerson I have been calling people asking for help bcus I am the one needing it right now.



  418.  #418Femininewoman on April 21, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I believe when I get comfortable asking for what I want the energy of the Universe moves around to bring it to me.



  419.  #419GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 11:06 am

    @Emerson – he wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it, remember that. If you need to take him up on it now, then you don’t really have the option of waiting until he contacts you. I also don’t like asking anyone for help. I feel bad when I do. I feel like people don’t want me to ask them for help, like it’s a burden. But, it’s not, they are always very happy to help out.



  420.  #420mali on April 21, 2012 at 11:20 am

    @ Emerson, asking for help isn’t leaning forward ๐Ÿ™‚
    Also, I suffer from the same problem… I hate asking people for help, I find it difficult to depend on people, and especially feel uncomfortable asking men for help!



  421.  #421Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 11:22 am

    418 omg FW that is so true!! I’ve been trying it in babysteps asking for what I really want at Starbucks without feeling bad that I want it extra hot or whatever!!!!! There have been times when I’ve had to psyche myself up in line telling myself it’s ok to ask for what you want ok!!!

    It’s because I felt so UNHEARD as a child growing up and I still DO. My Mom (and Dad too) tend to brush me off when I express something is bothering me or I want/need this or that and I hate it.

    So when I practice, I am scared the barista will roll her eyes or tell me no I can’t have such a silly request as “extra hot” or she will go from friendly to unfriendly …and to be honest, in reality that has NEVER happened with a barista!! ๐Ÿ™‚ yay baristas ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you FW for sharing with me!!!!



  422.  #422Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Thanks mali and GG for your words!! Gosh it feels so freeing to read your replies and also I feel soo supported!! I feel teary….and thankful



  423.  #423siren song on April 21, 2012 at 11:27 am

    ooh..i hate asking for things. i feel all nervous and bad.



  424.  #424mali on April 21, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Emerson, how about, “I feel vulnerable asking… but would I be able to stay with you a few days?”



  425.  #425Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

    I’ve been feeling so numb inside recently….as I’ve been sharing about on the blog the past few days…and I feel scared about it. It’s still here with me, the numbness.
    I think I may have figured it out.
    I feel it’s a delayed reaction to losing my home a couple of years ago. I’m really going thru the homesickness now and the grief. I want to go home, but now it belongs to someone else and that feels so sad. ๐Ÿ™ It was mine and I bought it all by myself and I lost it all by myself too. ๐Ÿ™ It’s ok Emerson it’s just a house.



  426.  #426Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 11:36 am

    Thank you mali, I like that suggestion!

    I’m also realizing that people in my family will likely never understand me or what I’ve been going through and the effort that I put forth and frustration, etc…and for some reason it’s so important for me to have them understand.
    But why??? Does it really matter if they do or don’t???

    Perhaps not.

    I like what lk said in an earlier post about deciding she wants something and then it happens….I have actually seen this take place with my work situation AMAZINGLY,,,,and I mean, really amazing!!!

    But I’m feeling so so so impatient with the living situation and the relationship status that I am getting all bunched up inside and feeling anxious and needing to control and wanting a crystal ball and it’s making me feel miserable!!!!

    I am going to create a brand new vision board for myself!!!



  427.  #427ulii on April 21, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Iยดm noticing something, when people ask help from me, I do help happily people who ask straightforward and confidently, but i do get a bit irritated if the person asking seems hesitating and insecure. I guess we do feel more comfortable helping those who feel they are worthy of help. Although I’m having problems feeling worthy of help too, that’s why I rarely ask for it.



  428.  #428GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 11:46 am

    (((Emerson)))



  429.  #429GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Ok, I’m getting all nervous and panicky. Let’s say Boat Guy doesn’t contact me before the party and he goes to the party? How am I supposed to act? What am I supposed to say? I think we are still dating, but I’m not sure. Do I act like normal and give him a kiss and hug hello?



  430.  #430Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    427 Ulii that is helpful thank you…I tend to be the insecure type that you describe..hesitantly asking but actually I want to change that! Thank you sirens for helping me. It’s easier for men to understand when we are direct anyways!!!
    And as FW said, men DO want to help and I think it makes them feel good.
    I have to remember that.



  431.  #431ulii on April 21, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    @GivingGirl
    Sorry, I think i have missed the first part of your story.. but I would maybe just smile to him and let him come to kiss me & say something first.



  432.  #432ulii on April 21, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    ((((Femininewoman)))
    It feels good to hear your healing is progressing! I wish the pain will pass soon.



  433.  #433Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    I’m feeling a lil calmer now that I *know* I can reach out and ask for help…I don’t *feel* it yet, but I know it will follow soon…
    I’m waiting for this sense of urgency to pass so I don’t convey it to the world around me…I feel like I need to hide from everyone and everything when I get like this!!!!

    I did spend some time lookign at my closet and figured out a new cute outfit for the warm weather yaay Emerson!



  434.  #434lilybelly on April 21, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    429:

    Giving Girl~ I would go about assuming he is not going to be at the party. I would totally put him out of my head and go about getting gorgeous and excited and siren-y for the party for me and have fun in the process. IF he shows up, I would act surprised and happy to see him (because i would be because I wasn’t thinking about him being there at all) and I wouldn’t lean forward to hug or kiss him or anything.



  435.  #435lilybelly on April 21, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    379:

    ((((Dominique))))

    ๐Ÿ™‚



  436.  #436GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    @431 ulii

    Thank you. Short version – been dating 8 months, known him for 7 years, have had a couple hiccups along the way, one was about a month ago. I didn’t handle it well at all, basically attacked. He runs from conflict w me saying he feels pressure & stress, so it pushes him away & we should just be friends.

    1.5 weeks later, we went to dinner & things seemed back to normal. Didn’t see him the following week, he went on vacation & I thought he was going this weekend. He text to say he was leaving & would see me when he got back.

    During this week, he text me a couple pics & asked how weather was. Haven’t spoken since Wed. Don’t know when he’s supposed to be back & don’t really feel like I know where we stand.

    Party tonight, he never mentioned it & I don’t know if he’s going.



  437.  #437GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    @434 Thank you lilybelly. I need stop worrying and just let him come to me. I hate feeling uncertainty.



  438.  #438ulii on April 21, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    @GivingGirl
    lilybellys advice in 434 feels great to me.



  439.  #439Daria on April 21, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    ((me))



  440.  #440Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    I just had a CD text and ask what I want to do when we meet (we’ve met before a couple times but few and far between) and I told him and he replied with a negative comment about my suggestion and suggesting some thing else.
    I feel angry and unheard and annoyed to the nth degree and right now I cannot even reply. Why even ask me if you’re going to rescript everything and tell me my idea is a pain??? And it’s not by the way.
    I don’t know how to answer so for now I will remain quiet.



  441.  #441Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    I think I may go to the used bookstore today and sell my books!



  442.  #442Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    I’m not going to think about this CD and his text.



  443.  #443Healing Waterfall on April 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Hi Sirens

    Well, it’s end of semester time and I am correcting like crazy and so am not sure what is happening on the blog
    i just wanted to say hi and that my birthday turned out to be a really happy day, thank-you for all the people who wished me a happy day…

    and i have had a very unsireny day today i think. I was out walking and my car was on the trail and my crush saw my car and walked on the trail and i wanted to see him and talk to him after seeing him and we did end up talking again and it’s just the same as it ever was. lk don’t get mad at me i didn’t kiss him this time…and i just wish i could forget about him…..



  444.  #444Daria on April 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Healing Waterfall – i feel bad and confused reading that… what’s unsireny about that? it sounds like a man went out of his way to follow you on a TRAIL!! whoa like ROMANTIC much??! That would feel amazing



  445.  #445Daria on April 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I wonder if you’re confused between leaning back , and being cold and closed…

    a siren is open and warm when a man chases after her or follows her on a trail



  446.  #446Daria on April 21, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    ouch i feel pained wirting that way, like im ‘making someone wrong’

    i can jsut sit with my feelings of uncomfortabliity and love me insread



  447.  #447Daria on April 21, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    sorry if i came off disrespectful! aha thats what it is!



  448.  #448Lucy on April 21, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Feeling so crappy today seeing “my guy” interact with a female friend on facebook . . .

    I broke up with him, so it “shouldn’t” bother me, but it does.

    And he’s not even actually flirting with her, just “interacting”…

    but it is more interaction than he has had with me this week…

    and I had thought he wasn’t interacting with me because he was busy….

    Yet he messaged me to “reconnect” (and I responded with positive FM’s and openness) and he said he wants to talk on the phone….

    so, what is he doing spending time interacting with her? when he is trying to not be on facebook as much (he said)

    (Am not really asking or looking for an answer, just saying that this is why I feel bad.)

    ๐Ÿ™



  449.  #449Lucy on April 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Oh… NOW I read this, from Rori:

    “if you feel incredibly drawn to and involved with a man who is making you feel bad, you don’t have to walk away! Leaving is a last resort, and, if you use my Tools, you’ll never have to use that last resort, or even ever again give him an ultimatum.
    There’s SO MUCH you can do to transform your relationship right now that will also transform HIM – and practically overnight – before you have to even consider folding your tent and moving on.”

    ๐Ÿ™

    I already walked away. ๐Ÿ™



  450.  #450Lucy on April 21, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    “When my lovely husband turned moody and neglectful – even criticizing and mean – I was devastated.” (Rori)

    Oh, so her husband was criticizing and mean! (just like it seems my guy has been)



  451.  #451Brandylion on April 21, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I just took my dogs out for a walk, and someone down the hall in my apartment building was having really noisy sex. I felt amused, but mostly I felt jealous!

    Sex would feel so yummy! So would the kind of connection I want to feel before engaging sexually with a man!

    My ex-boyfriend is very devoutly Catholic and wants to wait for marriage to have sex. He is 33 and still a virgin. (He is also not sure he is not going to enter the priesthood, which was a major contributing factor to our break-up.) So, in almost nine months of dating, we didn’t have sex. Coincidentally, the day after we broke up was the day Rori’s post was about how sex becomes such a huge thing in a relationship when you’ve been together for a while and wait to have it because one person wants to abstain.

    My last relationship before this one was in college, so I haven’t had sex since college. Sometimes I think I should find a FWB just to have sex again, but that feels REALLY yucky. My stomach is clenched but wobbly thinking about it. I want sex to be a physical expression of intimacy; no intimacy = no sex! I will hold that boundary and keep abstaining until I have what I want!



  452.  #452Jessie1000 on April 21, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    emerson
    about 421
    ouch…i so know the feeling. My mother was terrified of my father and displeasing him so when he was home she hardly paid any attention to us and catered to his terrifying whims and moods and rages….

    at night we were put to bed so early….like 7 even when we were 15 and we had to lay in bed and be quiet until we slept.

    she didnt talk to us or say good night or hug us or ask about school and during the day when dad was working she was normal but once he was home it was like we had to shut off our feelings or get in big trouble

    sometimes i am so horrified by my memories that i cant believe ive ever put them out of my mind.

    your post triggered me and my old memories

    cause its so lonely to not have the perfect family
    and its even lonelier to keep it all tucked away in my head



  453.  #453Lucy on April 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa



  454.  #454Lucy on April 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    feeling lonelyyyyy



  455.  #455Luzydel on April 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    I went to ballroom class today, it was a good workout. Another man asked me out for tomorrow, I said yes but close to my area, then he said which diner would you prefer… I mentioned a few, and let him decide, but I am feeling turned off by this man…this is the third time we make plans and he starts to back pedal…If after this he doesn’t pick up his slack, I will not accept another invitation…



  456.  #456Memulo on April 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    I did a not-very-smart double leaning fwd and not feel pretty sad.

    On Thurs I sent him a question if we are planning to see each other during these two weeks that I am away, once he gets over his cold. And on Friday I felt worried that perhaps he is very sick so I called to ask how he was feeling (normally I would be the last person to do that but everyone around made me feel guilty for not caring about him lol). He didn’t pick up the phone, but a coulpe of hours later texted: ‘Sunday to Wednesday is best but sick’. Cryptic, I know. Well it meant that he could come over Sun to Wed but was still feeling not well.
    I: Sun to Wed can’t wait till you get better;)
    and then: Just read a book outloud for you. Helped last time.
    He: said something ‘smart’ acknowledging the book thing lol.

    I let him be the last one to text. Silence since then.. and it drives me crazy ;( I don’t know what’s happening at all. If anything…

    I was joking about the book, because last time when he was sick and I came over to take care of him I read to him. He later said that no one ever did that for him before, I felt that he was moved.



  457.  #457Memulo on April 21, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    To clarify, I still feel that asking if he was planning to come over to see me was the right thing to do. Calling the next day was.. well.. BAD



  458.  #458Memulo on April 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Turquoise,

    Just reading briefly thru comments – I would still go out with the pilot. I would meet him and let the judgement happen after. It’s not good to lie about anything, but so many people do and what if that’s an insecurity he has that a younger woman wouldn’t even consider him at his age.. And maybe you wouldn’t, but how would you know if you two never met?



  459.  #459Luzydel on April 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    When a man ask me what I want from a man?

    I tell them I want a man who can love me…

    It seems simple, but it can get complicated for some men who are unable to love, and once I let that out, I can see some of them drift away, because for them that is asking for “too much”. For some men(and women), Love is “scary”. So for me having a man who loves me unconditionally is the biggest commitment…

    I love myself enough not to ask for anything less than a man who loves me and can allow me to love him…



  460.  #460Memulo on April 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Luzydel,

    It’s good you tell them upfront. Normal people wouldn’t be scared away, it’s a very simple concept



  461.  #461Daria on April 21, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Brandylion – yeah! you sound powerful! I feel good reading about your response to neighbor sex hehe… It WOULd fele fun AND the connectino before would feel great yes!!!! yum!!!



  462.  #462Luzydel on April 21, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    so this man lets call him “parkGuy” just said this to me…
    I am so attracted to you, but I purposely stay away from you!!!

    Me: ok…you may have your reasons and I respect them…

    Him: but the more time a talk to you the more I want to be with you…

    Me: That feels good to hear

    Him: like right now, I would have love to spend this evening with you…

    Me: all you had to do was ask ๐Ÿ˜‰

    LOL I don’t want to rush into anything with him, but I don’t want to let him go yet…is that selfish?



  463.  #463Turquoise on April 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Ok, decided to meet the pilot, but not go flying. We are meeting locally for dinner. I feel good about it. He sent me some recent pics, doesnt look 51… So going to see what he says. He does have a 4 year old daughter that I just heard about today… But we’ve only been talking since Monday, so guess that’s ok. And pretty much he’s just sent me good morning, hope you have a happy day texts.



  464.  #464Memulo on April 21, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    I wonder if this was his way of rejecting me and I didn’t even get it? Jumped like a puppy when saw his text thinking that he is probably coming. Such a fool.. He just had a nice time while I was around and now that I am not it’s my problem, isn’t it



  465.  #465Luzydel on April 21, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    he is afraid to fall in love…

    that is how the conversation ended…from him telling me how much he likes me, to how much fear he feels to fall in love and then things not working out…I told him …I understand…I did not fight it or tried to convince him…he has to come to my space on his own without fear…so I let him be…Sp “ParkGuy” is feeling fear of falling for me…and I wont settle for crumbs so he can realize how good I am right now…



  466.  #466Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    452 (((Jessie)))

    (((Lucy)))



  467.  #467Luzydel on April 21, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    I am not afraid to love and get bruised…I am not afraid of ending up alone…I am not afraid of what I don’t know… I want to feel happiness no matter what…



  468.  #468Daria on April 21, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    gosh it feels so uncomfortable to watch a woman stress herself over one man…

    im noticing feel all judgemental reading about this… I wonder what there is for me to heal?

    im not loving my inner ‘stubborn headed control freak?’

    ((((Daria’s stubborn headed control freak))))



  469.  #469Daria on April 21, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    im feeling angry!

    I love my anger!

    I feel all guilty

    and kinda helpless

    (((((Daria)))))



  470.  #470Lucy on April 21, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    It probably feels uncomfortable to watch because it reminds you of when you do it too…



  471.  #471Lucy on April 21, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Emerson, thanks for the hug. I feel cared for. <3



  472.  #472Daria on April 21, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    i feel so good!

    thank u for feeding me!

    yum!

    i LOVE FOOD AND EATING!



  473.  #473Memulo on April 21, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    stubborn headed control freak?

    That feels funny like lol and a bit helpful at the same time. Is that me?



  474.  #474Lucy on April 21, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    I feel sad that I feel unsafe being vulnerable and authentic around some women. I feel glad I feel safe being vulnerable and authentic with men and some women.



  475.  #475Lucy on April 21, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    I feel horrified when people kick people when they’re down.



  476.  #476Memulo on April 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    I feel curious why he would do this to me. But it’s a classic question lol. He is doing it because i am letting him to



  477.  #477Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    Luzydel
    “I want to feel happiness no matter whatโ€ฆ”
    me too



  478.  #478Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Well I called Recycled earlier but he did not pick up. I sent a text and who knows he may never reply…in which case…I have lost….NOTHING.



  479.  #479Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Wow I have really learned that I really need my alone time and ME time!!! I need a lot of time to decompress from work to feel normal and cheerful again.

    I have a lil bit of icky feeling from the call to Recycled that I made and I didn’t leave a message….but at this point seriously I don’t even care anymore.

    Remember I’m numb??? So Emerson, there’s no worries for you. It does not matter what he does or does not do. You don’t need him, he simply offered a resource and you may or may not be able to take him up on it. If not, then who gives a flying $hit??



  480.  #480Radlove on April 21, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    {{{Lucy}}}

    Sorry you are hurting.



  481.  #481Starla on April 21, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    sometimes i get really paranoid that the reason CF isn’t responding to me is that those hackers who were trying to mess with me emailed him something awful on my behalf, to mess with us.

    but as far as we can tell, the hacker thing was a bluff.



  482.  #482Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Actually
    I realized
    I kind of
    honestly
    truly
    really dont care about Recycle’s reply…

    it has no bearing on my day or week or life….

    really he has lost his magical powers over me…

    OMG!!! I wonder if he knows this???

    Men are very intuitive to our vibe so I wonder if he senses it….

    Yes this article is about not wondering what he is thinking and that is precixely what I just did!! hee hee SILLY EMERSON.

    I made tentative plans with BrainyCD and I’m not sure about the chemistry but it’s CDing nonetheless.

    I feel cranky about not getting rest right now not so much cranky about recycled calling or not calling.



  483.  #483Starla on April 21, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Oh goodness this is complicated and that’s okay. Everything can be peaceful and understanding, at least where I’m standing. But I am literally shaking from the intense bad complicated luck i have experienced lately, and how any of these ridiculous things could even be a possibility. Just shaking from head to toe like I’ve never shaken before.



  484.  #484Starla on April 21, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    oh my goodness i am really shaking. i’ve never experienced this before. do i just let it ride? or should i be concerned?



  485.  #485Brandylion on April 21, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    I re-enabled my OkCupid profile this evening, with revisions to included FMs, and one man in my first set of Quiver matches said that he wants to be pursued. He doesn’t mind guiding things, but he doesn’t want to do all the initiating. I felt bleh. And turned off.

    Another of the three is separated from his wife and they are divorcing because they realized they just don’t mesh. Bleh. He is not single, and I do not want a man who is not single.

    The third one is a geology post-doc at a local university. He sounds nerdy, and I find nerdy quirks endearing. I feel squee! when a guy reveals nerdy quirks. I will decide later if I should send him a message.

    Sirens, do you send a man the first message on online dating sites? I seem to recall reading somewhere on here that Rori says that’s okay, but to lean back after that. Do you say anything more than, “Hi!”?



  486.  #486Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    484 Starla I am so sorry…I hope you are ok!!!!
    I think its ok to let it shake out…You are really feeling your feelings……and maybe you can cycle past it….
    but if it does not stop then I would be worried you’re maybe having an anxiety attack….and you should call a dr.!



  487.  #487Starla on April 21, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    i just rode it out and let it out and shook really hard for a while and now i feel totally better.

    that was so strange. i’ve never felt anything like that in my life.



  488.  #488Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Brandylion yes I believe Rory says you can send a wink or quick hello as a sort of internet proverbial “dropping your handkerchief” but then lean back big time after that….and make sure to let him lead….
    I had done that with NewCD and he’s been flaky but that’s just one person. I keep giving him new chances and Recycled and BrainyCD as well! It’s my year of second and third and 100th chances everyone…cuz me don’t care no more.



  489.  #489Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    aww Starla I’m glad you are ok.

    I feel totally nervous and shook up inside too but I’m not shaking. It’s because of my unsettling living situation and I hate it.

    I’m trying to not let it take over my life tho.



  490.  #490Turquoise on April 21, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Hi sirens. I went out with pilot, and had a pretty good time. I had an excellent steak, salad, baked potato and glass of sangria and ordered one of the more expensive meals on the menu. I dont normally do that… But want to heal feeling like i dont want to put them out, i deserve a nice meal! He does look older to me, more distinguished, but attractive. I asked if he is really 41 and he said yes. I commented that he looked older, and he said it’s the grey hair. But, he said the little girl in his profile picture, and when I Asked how old they are now… Which Led me to believe the picture is 10 years old. He said he’d like to see me again, commented on how pretty I am, and he did kiss me goodnight. Felt pretty good. So, will probably see him again. I have decided to try and date someone 3 times before making any decisions. Besides, cding means multiple men. Hope everyone is doing well and will catch up on the posts… Feeling sleepy though, probably the sangria.



  491.  #491Brandylion on April 21, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    ((((Starla))))

    I think let it ride. Riff here? Follow the sensations in different body parts and see what emotions pop up?



  492.  #492Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Ack maybe I leaned forward with recycled and its all for nothing and my NVs are telling me I f&c#ed up!!!!
    Emerson you’re a hopeless f&c# up and why do you have to be sooo neeedyy……enough already just shut up!!!!!!!!!!!! OK NVs shut up too. Emerson it’s ok because you get more and more chances and you did nothing wrong or maybe outside the “rules” yes the lean back “rule” you f’d it up ok…but who cares???? It doesn’t actually matter at all…Recycled is a hopeless cause and you cannot rely on him or anyone that is the truth…EVERYONE will let you down don’t you know that???? NO that is not true NVs shut up shut up!!!!!!!!



  493.  #493Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    I’m really not liking what’s going on in my NV corner right now….I feel all tensed up and nervous. I hate this feeling!!!



  494.  #494Starla on April 21, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    wow i found a lot of peace on the other side of that.

    i still feel in awe of how intense that was and how much better i feel now… never ever felt anything even close to that in my life.

    i feel open and free



  495.  #495Starla on April 21, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    ahhhh hahaha beloved universe
    i am not afraid
    i do not feel afraid
    i am just where i need to be
    thank you, universe!



  496.  #496Starla on April 21, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    i am subscribed to SO many freaking newsletters from relationship and dating gurus it seems. my inbox is nothing but them. i think it’s time to unsubscribe from most of them. jeez. i don’t read them, but the headlines are often fear-inducing, like “why don’t they commit?” “can he fall out of love?”

    lol

    f*ck you, newsletters. love is easy and effortless. guess someone forgot to tell you!



  497.  #497Patricia on April 21, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Ok..the last time I was here I had heard from my E, who had finally left but said he was not financially or emotionally ready and had a lot of family stuff going on. I had told him that after knowing him for 6years and the love we shared I didnt think it was fair of him to expect me to drop the relationship I was in to let him decide if he was going to be with me. I told him I wanted the ring and the life we had planned and no more waiting. (it was much more emotional than this and I used all feeling messages) He said he wanted our life too but just not yet. I said ok and he said he would keep me posted and contact me every so often to let me know…I told him that he could not contact me at all unless he was ready. I left him over a year ago when after a torturous year of waiting I broke it off.
    Shortly after I found Rori and everything changed. My vibe, my feelings about me
    and how I connected with the love inside me so that I could connect with all of the love around me. The long and short of it is I gave myself permission to feel good inside my
    skin and about every man I encountered
    unless and until he no longer felt good to
    me….how does it feel when I wear this
    man as my coat..do I feel all protected,
    warm, fuzzy and safe or do I feel drafty,
    left in the cold and frostbit?
    How is your jacket feeling right now?
    Anyway, through CDing I found a
    wonderful man who loves me and has so
    much to give. We have talked about
    buying a house and went to look at rings the other day. I went to look at dresses the other day and about had a panick attack. I was happy with B before E showed his face. I knew he wasnt leaving his wife and I had to move on. I felt safe and happy and I truely love B.
    Yes, heres the but, I let E know he still
    had a chance even though Im still with B. He knows how much I love him, how could he not. I cant get caught up in why he came to tell me he left but wasnt ready, Rori taught me enough about this that Im pretty certain its because he wants to see if Im still waiting, he doesnt want to lose the maybe while hes still trying to figure things out and emotionally heal. Regardless I dont want to put off my future either.
    Soo without telling me how I should feel because that always makes me feel.pressured I need some help. Ive known B for 7 months and I love him and Ive loved E for 6 years, we just have not jad a chance to explore everything to its fullest. I also dont know everything about E as he lives 900 miles away. Ive never been “in” his daily life. I know B, most everything about him.
    Ive been thrown off because I believe E loves me but just wants to be ready. I dont think he would have left if he didnt realize it and I dont think he would have contacted me if he didnt care that I married another guy. Im not sure after our conversation that hes comming back.
    B is here and is now and is wonderful but now theres a part of me that feels proposterously guilty. Im having a hard time being physical with B because I feel like Im cheating..can you believe that? I feel disappointed that E didnt just run to me, ready and able. Truthfully, B doesnt know E contacted me. E knows Im with B..but knows I love him with all my heart. Im feeling heart broken at the same time Im feeling joy. I have such a rush of emotions going on forvthe past two weeks. All everyone wants to do is tell me how to feel. Everyone I know is so angry at E for what I went through and allowed myself to go through. They have demonized him and they may be right or not, but either way I have nooo outlet to talk about this to anyone in my life. Was it Rs plan to sabotage my current relationship..idk. I know how I feel and I do love E, first but he is not here to love me and that makes me feel cold and alone in that jacket. I love B and I feel cozy and safe with him…I feel all uncertain. If E came back would I break the heart of a man that truely loves me for a man that even now has not stepped up? Would he as he seems to be growing rather quickly without my intervention. The truth is, I dont want anyone else to be with E, I have not given up on him yet. This feels awwfullll just all icky…I feel excited too and uncertain…blahh



  498.  #498Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    496 I hear you Starla….I have email newsletters too….
    it can be a bit overloading to the senses at times.

    I don’t care if I never hear back from any of my CDs ever again. They can all go on their merry way if they choose.
    I.
    Don’t.
    Care.

    Bye.
    Bye.

    And that includes Recycled because all he is is a CD and he’s barely even that…I reached out to him and he doesn’t even call me back. I didn’t say what it was about but STILL…..ppppffffffffffttt….whatever I REALLY REALLY REALLY DON’T GIVE A RAT’S $#IT!!!!

    I realllllyyyyy dooo nottttt care okaaaayyyyy is that what God wants to hear me say to make it all go away……….

    In fact, I wish that ALL of them would just GO AWAY and I’ll start fresh. They are all getting on my nerves right now being non committal and flaky and not there for me when I need them.

    So why don’t you all just go and leave me alone???????? You have no PURPOSE and my “learning” and “practicing” is just feeling FRUSTRATING to me atm.

    And what I”m TRULY feeling is ANGER. F#ck all of them.



  499.  #499Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    Come to think of it, the other day when I met up with Recycled, I realized I was having the same conversation with him over and over…he talks about the same stuff again and again…..its all about family stuff and drama and etc etc…..I found it tiresome a little bit, to be honest with you.

    “Um hello I’m not your therapist Recycled.”
    That’s what I wanted to say but I just decided to “practice” listening at level 2…and lean back physically…..and thinking, wow all of this REPEATED conversation was VERRYYY INTERESTING!!!! NOT!!!!

    Yes he did ask about me…and was complimenting me etc…and was being nice,….but it really all means nothing to me right now.

    If he’s not in front of me he does not exist.

    So you are just ghosts…all you CD’s…..I hate all of you



  500.  #500Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    Yes I just said that.

    I’m feeling angry and sarcastic.

    I really do seriously want all of them to go away, if it’s just a bunch of nothingness. Bye, leave, get away from me then. Go now!!

    What a waste of freaking time.
    Get the f#ck out of my face then.
    Don’t waste my free minutes.
    Don’t ask me to make plans and then not make it happen. I don’t want to deal with your BS. NOT NOW AND NOT EVER.

    I think it MAY be time to change my number. Just maybe. And be stealth about it. I’m not going to tell anyone a ‘heads up’ as far as CDs go. It’s my phone and my business.



  501.  #501Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Wow in a couple of hours I went from talking about giving everyone 2nd and 3rd and 100th chances to wishing them all to go away.

    Emerson you are so f#cked up but that’s ok. I still love you anyway and you are protecting yourself and I do understand that.

    By the way good for you for letting it all out and not stuffing it down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is HUGE.

    So it’s not all for nothing.



  502.  #502Emerson on April 21, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    Now Emerson, what are you manifesting if you say you hate someone. That is not “nice” and you are only hurting yourself. You should only be expressing love and patience and compassion OK????

    Well ok miss know it all….we are having a conversation with ourselves, are we???

    Yes and you are spewing out negativity but maybe that is better than holding it inside to rot….

    I guess just wait and see!



  503.  #503GivingGirl on April 21, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    @496 Starla – LOL, me too!!



  504.  #504GivingGirl on April 22, 2012 at 12:00 am

    Sorry, but this will be a long post.

    Tonight was very interesting. Still no word from Boat Guy and he didn’t go to party. Shy Guy was there briefly, but only really said hello. The portrait turned out good.

    Ok, interesting part. There’s this guy who grew up with all my friends. I’ll call him Mr. Observant. He is going through a divorce. I’ve seen him here and there at a couple parties, but now since he’s going through a divorce he comes out more. He was at my house twice I think for parties, I didn’t invite him, cause I don’t really know him, but other friends brought him. So, he’s had his eye on me for at least a year. I can feel it and see it in his eyes when he looks at me.

    We are FB friends. He was hanging around me a lot tonight. In line with me getting food, asking me questions like what do I do for work, what do I like to do for fun, etc. When he looks at me, he locks his eyes with mine and doesn’t look away. It’s like a piercing look, he’s looking inside of me and I feel uncomfortable. Not that he’s creepy or anything, I just don’t like people looking at me so intensely like that. I feel like I’m on display and I don’t like being on display.

    He sat down next to me to eat and continued asking me questions. He mentioned a book I posted about on FB many months prior, which I guess isn’t shocking that he pays attention to my posts.

    Anyways, his friend/brother-in-law kept trying to push us together. This guy did this previously with Shy Guy and he’s relentless. Mr. Observant pretended like he wasn’t paying attention to him and I just joked with him as I’m trying to ignore his comments. Later, Mr. Observant asked me, “what do you think of me?”. I told him, “you seems nice, but I don’t really know you all that well.” He asked me if I was in a relationship. (Crap!! I have no idea how to answer that.) I said, well, I’m not really sure. He looked puzzled and then said, with Boat Guy? I was surprised cause I didn’t think he really knew Boat Guy. I said, yes. He started asking me a bunch of questions and I was feeling uncomfortable.

    What made me feel the most uncomfortable was when he said, “so you’re hinging everything on what Boat Guy says? What do you want? Are you going to talk to Boat Guy and tell him how you feel