Stop Waiting For A Man

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This great letter and my “tough” answer have been sitting in my “drafts” for awhile (you can tell by the mention of the “Sex And The City” movie!) – and I really think it hits some powerful points:

“Rori, I receive your emails daily and look forward to reading them. I have a situation that I’m not sure how to handle and I’m hoping you could help me solve this in a gentler manner instead of the abrasive route that I would normally opt to take instead.

My boyfriend lives near NYC during the week and I’m going up to spend the night in another week. Instead of wanting to meet me at the train station, he expects me to find my way there (I’d have to take two more trains once I get into Penn Station). He said he would leave the office and pick me up at the train station near his office instead. We would spend the evening together (I’m hoping we can see Sex and the City and have dinner) then would drive home together the following evening, however, I would be stuck inside of the apartment all day like a family pet. I understand he has to work (we see each other often), but I don’t like the idea that he can’t even rearrange his schedule to have lunch with me.

Rori, I don’t feel valued I feel insignificant and for lack of a better phrase, I feel like a hooker.

What could I say to him that would let him know (in a nice way) that I don’t want to have to find my way there and I would feel like a pet being locked up in his tiny apartment the entire day. I’m afraid if I say it the wrong way I’ll have a fight on my hands, but on the other hand, he needs to know how I feel. Maybe you can incorporate your response into one of your daily emails?

Thanks for your insight, Sharon”

My Answer:

Hi, Sharon,  I don’t know some important things here:

How long you’ve been in this “relationship,” if you’re exclusive, if there’s been future-planning, why you’re visiting him instead of him coming to visit you, if you’ve made this visit before….

…and the information your answers will give you are more about the effort you’re putting out, and how important he is to you…which will just intensify your answers to:

Questions for you to ask yourself –

1. Why would you be cooped up in an apartment all day so close to NYC – where there’s transportation, taxicabs and EVERYTHING?

2. Why on earth would you hope to see Sex and the City with him? – totally NOT a date movie, but a girlfriend movie – and why would you want to sit next to him in a theater and opposite him at dinner when you could spend the entire evening walking up and down 5th Avenue and bopping into tiny restaurants for snacks? Seems to me you’d want to be physically close, look at things, stroll, and talk!

3. And I hope you weren’t considering SUGGESTING this kind of an evening before seeing what he had planned.

My take is that he’s done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing you need to bring to his attention.

What you have to do is look at yourself, what you want, why you’re doing certain things, like being exclusive if you’re not happy with the way things are going, and why you feel so “caged” with him and so regimented about your plans?

I hope you have my programs, at least the book – because here’s where Feeling Messages make all the difference. “I’m feeling burned out coming to visit like this – can you think of some other way we could spend time together?”

If it’s a booty call – all at your effort and expense, then ask yourself why you’re doing this – not why he’s asked you to. What man in his right mind wouldn’t ask?

It’s your part in participating that’s where your work starts.

Good luck – you sound wonderful, smart and I know you can get the hang of this and turn this thing around.

Love, Rori


***I thought the biggest point here is where the biggest responsibility for this is on Sharon – and how easy it is to blame men for what we’re doing to ourselves.

If this is happening for you – just simply check in with yourself.

If you’re feeling bad with a manask yourself why.

Ask yourself if it’s because you’re not speaking the truth to him.

Not putting your needs out there and making them important and giving him something he can DO to meet your needs.

Ask yourself if you’re tolerating bad treatment, or if you’re stuffing down your feelings and pretending everything’s okay.

Ask yourself if you’re complaining instead of working with him as though you’re a team – that’s what you’re supposed to be: A team where it’s a win-win for both of you.

Ask yourself if he’s half worth you.

Ask yourself if you’re putting in more effort than what you’re getting from him, and if that effort is making you angry.

Now – as you gather the information and get some of your questions answered from inside you – ask yourself this:

How am I treating myself?  Am I beating myself up over these answers – or am I LOVING myself through them?

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Sweetpea on September 19, 2011 at 6:39 am

    Oh boy! A new post! Top of the morning to you, Sirens!

  2.  #2Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 6:47 am

    I am loving myself through them.

  3.  #3VW on September 19, 2011 at 6:50 am

    Wow…what a great post!!! Hmm…I love the questions…

    He, he Sweetpea!!! It’s awesome to be on top of the world isn’t?

    Warm hugs

  4.  #4Senior Lady Vibe on September 19, 2011 at 7:45 am

    @1: Sweetpea
    “…Oh boy! A new post! Top of the morning to you, Sirens!…”

    Top of the morning to you, Sweetpea. Top of the world! 😀

    Hello world. I’m thankful for the start of autumn, my favorite season. I’m thankful too for the gardeners who put in autumn plantings this weekend. Yum, every season new greenery and flowers line my walk to the street path. I’m reminded that I am a princess. (“My horse” loves it too.)


  5.  #5Senior Lady Vibe on September 19, 2011 at 7:46 am




  6.  #6Sweetpea on September 19, 2011 at 8:08 am

    SLV and VW – thank you! Yes – it does feel great to be on top of the world! First post – that’s a first for me. I believe.

    This is a great post (as usual)! Much food for thought here and my, my how I’ve made men wrong in the past for what I’ve done to myself. I trust that this is healed in me now and I’m looking forward to a warm and loving relationship with Mr. Perfect for Me!! I love you all! Love life! Love me!! What a grand feeling!

  7.  #7Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 8:37 am

    I’m going to CD myself today and make an effort to lift this empty feeling I have and feeling sick over recycled. It’s like he’s totally flipped a switch and not trying to spend time with me at all!

    I feel so sad and rejected. Everyone is probably tired of hearing about it. I know I’m supp to be CDing but it still feels bad that he just did a 180 on me. I don’t understand why. We were getting closer and having so much fun together.

    I was careful to use Rori’s tools and not be needy or lean forward too much. It all seemed to be working beautifully and I was opening up my heart and using feeilng messages.

    I guess it’s possible someone just decides they don’t like you anymore.

    It’s just so weird becaues I thought I was putting out good vibes but during the same timeframe my other CD just poofed as well. I don’t know what to make of it. I take it personal. I know I’m not supposed to, but I do.

    I don’t even care about that other CD. I just want Recycled and I to be back to the way they’ve been over the last part of the Summer where we’d been spending all kinds of time together, HIM initiating it!!!

  8.  #8Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 8:40 am

    I have to admit, he has called me and instead of calling him back, I texted him. I was afraid if I called and he answered I’d say something needy and dumb and I didn’t feel ready to talk to him, cuz I’m kind of mad right now…sad/mad/waah. 🙁
    I don’t want him to know that. I want him to think I’m happy as can be all chipper and don’t “need” him so I don’t appear “needy”. But that’s not authentic either.
    I want to take a trip to another continent for about 6 weeks and sort this out. I always like to run away. Typical Emerson.

  9.  #9Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 8:46 am

    But he’s only called me a couple of times and usually lateley hes been calling me a lot and texting me trying to make plans. I feel so sad and like I messed something up. I’m being really hard on myself. 🙁

  10.  #10Lb on September 19, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Rori I have been seeing a guy for a few months and he’s a great guy and gives me what I need but I am at the girl friend stage. He has talked about marriage but nothing set in stone. He is new to my area so his family is not around and he only has a few friends in the area. I’m trying to figure out how to do the circular dating without losing him. Or if I should do circular dating? I have your siren,relationship blueprint and Targeting Mr Right programs and read your book. I have listened to each a few times and maybe just missed the question I have but I still have to ask. This guy is one of the good guys as far as I can tell but I don’t want to get in a waiting pattern on the marriage thing. Thanks in advance.

  11.  #11Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 9:30 am

    Emerson I would look to see if it is a pattern in his life. Some guys go into their caves no matter how life around them is happy. I have a guy who recently came back into my life tell me that he goes to his mother’s grave and sit sometimes for 2 hours whenever he is going through rough stuff. Everyone has a practice to process their stuff/issues. Some guys just go into their caves and it is nothing about you. He has a right to do that if that is what he wants. For all you know he could interpret the text from you as you going into your cave because I am sure he felt the fear coming from you. You run away, he goes to his cave, it seems to be what you might be creating. A pattern that you might want to change? If he is coming toward you it seems to me that something needs happen from your end to let him in. He could feel frustrated too. 6 weeks is so atypical of masculine withdrawal.

  12.  #12Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 9:32 am

    Hi Lb. She encourages cdating even when married. You can use men in your life (at work, on the street) to circular date.

  13.  #13Virginia Feingold Clark on September 19, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Great post! Men don’t always know what you want, in fact many times they don’t have a clue. You need to be able to ask for what you need from him so he can know the real you — that will create more intimacy and depth in your relationship.

  14.  #14Lb on September 19, 2011 at 9:47 am

    What does the talk sound like to tell the man I’m with that thinks of me as his gf that I’m going to see others?

  15.  #15Lb on September 19, 2011 at 9:49 am

    What does the talk sound like to tell the man I’m with that thinks of me as his gf that I’m going to see others? I don’t want to hurt or loose him but I do feel like it would be best to try c dating.

  16.  #16Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 9:51 am


    I probably don’t have to tell you that most men, when you’re in a relationship with them, won’t be constantly seeking to know about and understand how you feel.

    Although it would be nice if your man would be this way.

    Instead, most men start to actually TUNE OUT the woman they’re with when they start to sense or see a lot of emotions they don’t understand.

    It’s most men’s natural response to withdraw
    from intense emotions that can lead to conflict.
    Here’s something that might blow your mind…

    Did you know that you can say the exact SAME
    THING to a man at different times, and you’ll get completely different responses from him?

    And this isn’t just because of his mood.

    The reality is that there is one significant thing that makes all the difference in the world when it comes to how a man sees, feels, and RESPONDS to the way you talk and share with him…

    And that’s the level to which he is EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED with you when you’re talking.

    Let me explain…

    One of the most common ways that women end up
    accidentally causing a man to close off and WITHDRAW from them is when a man doesn’t know
    about, see, or understand what a women is going
    through and feeling…

    And then the woman gets MORE UPSET and
    frustrated with him at the fact that he doesn’t seem to see or respond to her, and so SHE closes off.

    She wants him to UNDERSTAND her and the way
    she’s feeling – but he can’t understand what’s going on with you once you close off, and so this is what’s going through his mind:.

    He starts to think: “I have NO IDEA why she’s acting this way, or what it’s about, but I don’t like it and it feels awful. What a nightmare. I want this to go away.”


    How hard is it to talk to a man?

    Is it harder than you know it should be?

    At the core of a healthy relationship is the trust and knowledge by both partners that the other is going to listen with patience and respect…

    And that there’s enough trust so that it’s OK to share the truth of what’s really happening in each others lives.

    If you don’t have open communication, then you by definition don’t have HONESTY.

    And if you don’t have honesty, you by definition don’t have a relationship that you can count on as secure and “connected.”

    Are you ever scared to say what you REALLY think and feel to the man in your life?

    Isn’t a man supposed to be closer, more open,
    and more honest with you than anyone else about
    what’s going on for him in your relationship with you?

    The answer is yes, he is.

    You’re supposed to be able to be closer and more open and honest with the man in your life than with anyone else.

    But for lots of women it just doesn’t work
    this way.

    If you’re not having the kind of open and
    honest connection with your man that you want and
    need, then you have to start to realize that the
    only measure of how well YOU are communicating is
    the RESPONSE that you get.

    It’s tough to accept at first, and it feels
    unfair when a man isn’t doing his part…

    But once you take RESPONSIBILITY for bringing the right words and the right kind of talking and sharing into your relationship…

    Your relationship will instantly shift all on it’s own – simply because you’ve brought more of what your relationship needs.

    Christian Carter really, truly illuminates the inner workings of men so you can take ADVANTAGE of what you KNOW about a man to build deeper attraction and connection.

  17.  #17Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 9:54 am

    ” A key to not falling into the trap of trying to fix things when a man withdraws into himself and to not drive yourself crazy trying to get him out of it is to first understand if this is a pattern HE HAS in his own life.
    If so, the first you need to do is to get
    clear that this is NOT about you. Doing that will
    allow you to clear your mind and stop acting from
    a place of worrying or wondering if it’s something
    about you or your relationship.”

  18.  #18Girlie girl on September 19, 2011 at 9:54 am

    What If a guy always wants you to come to him? What’s a nice way to get accros that you want him to act like a man and lead the relationship?

  19.  #19Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 9:54 am

    “Sweetie, somethings bothering me, and I hate to even talk about it, because I feel so good with you…and it’s important to me that we’re just honest with each other and don’t let things get stuffed down…is now a good time to talk?”
    If he says “Yes” – then go with…“Once you said you would never marry again, I’m not sure how you feel about living together…have your feelings changed at all about this? What exactly do you see for us down the road?”
    Now stop and let him talk.
    Next – “I’m asking because I realize I don’t want to be a girlfriend all the rest of my life – even though being your girlfriend feels so great, I’m concerned that after a while, I’ll start to feel insecure and want to feel more solid…I’m just a girl here, and sooner or later, I’ll want more. What do you think?”
    Let him talk. You can always ask him…“I don’t want to be putting pressure on you…do you want me to date other men so that there’s less pressure as we go along?” — Basically this is the “No Girlfriend” speech – but with a lot more “air” and expressiveness and exploration in it – and allowing him to get involved in the discussion.

  20.  #20Lb on September 19, 2011 at 9:56 am

    What does the talk look like with the man that thinks I’m his gf to let him know I’m going to see others for now?

  21.  #21Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 10:02 am

    RE 18 I am just a girl here. I am old fashioned. I like a man to pursue me. I feel thrillled and flattered when a man pursues me. I like a real masculine man who is confident in himself and loves to lead.

  22.  #22Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Lb read 19 above.

  23.  #23Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Girlie Girl “I feel uncomfortable going to men”

  24.  #24Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 10:19 am

    As you learned in my “From Casual To Committed” program, even a marriage proposal is just another level of commitment… and if you want to keep your relationship ALIVE and GROWING, then you need to understand that you’ll both continue to move into even higher levels of commitment with each other.

    And like every man, his natural response when you arrive at new levels of commitment will be for him to RESIST you and your relationship.

    Don’t let this frustrate or confuse you in case you thought that becoming engaged meant that he wouldn’t ever act this way again.

    This isn’t how men work. But now you know what to do about it.

    Keep using what I’ve taught you about how men think about relationships and commitment, and how ATTRACTION is one of the very quickest and easiest ways to keep you both growing closer.

    No matter how long you’ve been together, and no matter how committed you already are.

  25.  #25Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 10:22 am


    The reality is that since you’ve had to have your own personal realization about your “self- worth”… it’s very likely that you’ve been carrying around some negative beliefs about yourself and your relationships with men inside you.

    And this has taught men to see you the way they do.

    In other words, the way you have been seeing and thinking of yourself has been the way men have ended up treating you.


    If you want a man to meet you and know that you’re the kind of woman to love, cherish, and RESPECT, then it’s a good idea to make sure you know how to COMMUNICATE to him that you know your own self-worth from the very beginning, and that you’ll accept nothing less from him

  26.  #26Daria on September 19, 2011 at 10:24 am

    wow i was feeling all mad when i thought about whats his name Video CD

    but i had just forgotten about him again … i set up a CD with a Romanian online guy tomorrow at 5 pm!

    so excited!

    this guy was super step up and called me hella times even when i missed his call … good for him! cuz my phone wouldn’t call him back – no minutes –

    and then i turned donw tonite (i don’t want to meet in the dark and me having to get back alone)

    and will do tomorrow

    go mee!

    so i come to the computer and VideoCD has written Hi princess

    and now i feel all good towards HIM!


  27.  #27Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 10:26 am


    From now on, the only things that will determine whether you let him into your heart are his kindness, his consistency, and his character.

    If a guy doesn’t give you that, ditch him.

    Your ability to walk away IS your greatest power over bad men.

  28.  #28Mel on September 19, 2011 at 10:27 am

    So fun! sexy sarcastic guy asked me to go on a “haunted” tour of the city tomorrow. They give these walking ghost tours of all the old buildings in the evenings. Crisp cool evening…cute companion… spooky surroundings! Yay! I feel so excited!

  29.  #29Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 10:42 am

    Thanks FW
    Can you clarify this comment? I feel a bit confused.

    “6 weeks is so atypical of masculine withdrawal.”

    Do you mean it is typical or not typical?

    I appreciate your feedback. I did try to call Recycled back last night, but I didn’t leave a message. The text I sent in response to his voicemail last Wednesday was warm and feeling messagey, but when I read it back to myself it sounded a bit robotic. I was trying to hard to be in the ‘rules’ and maybe it came accross as not genuine.

    Breaking patterns is exactly what I want to do at this stage in my life, yes FW!! I could be creating this…interesting to ponder….one of my friends told me that I’m just using his pending divorce as an excuse to keep my distance (his divorce has been ongoing but should be final soon)

    Aww I want to cry right now I love myself and all my clumsy efforts to relate. 🙁

  30.  #30Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 10:51 am

    re 11 FW
    “If he is coming toward you it seems to me that something needs happen from your end to let him in. He could feel frustrated too.”

    I thought I was letting him in, that’s just the thing. He wanted to spend the weekend together a couple of weeks ago, and I was hesitant (as you all may recall) and he expressed that he keeps asking me stuff and I seem hesitant and keep saying no, he was frustrated. I thought about that for a minute and so I replied that YES I do want to spend time with you!! I made an effort to be warm and gushy and appreciative and letting him give…and giving him my time.

    I also gave him compliments about his job that I was impressed and he was really eating it up! He was ALL over me and we had so much fun and laughed etc….that’s why I thought he was maybe rubberbanding becaues we got “close” and he has to process it…but jeez…two weeks feels long to me for him to be withdrawing from me.

    I welcome your feedback FW and other sirens too. It really helps to read the replies even though it may seem that I’m beating this topic to a bloody death…I appreciate it. 🙂

  31.  #31Mel on September 19, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Hugs Emerson!

    Sometimes, I think, guys just do stuff. I feel mystified by their actions sometimes, but I’ve been trying (not always successfully) to just accept what is. Accept that sometimes what they do just doesn’t make any sense. Maybe it doesn’t even make sense to them. I know sometimes I’ve let my subconscious control my actions without even realizing it, so I suppose they might be the same way. I’m making it my goal to stop analyzing and just be. I am trying to accept what is my “stuff” and leave their stuff alone. So much harder to do than say though….

  32.  #32Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Emerson do you know what his ex was like. Now I see your comment about pending divorce. He is not yet emotionally available. For all you know he is processing his issues from the previous relationship and now the divorce. Guys can only focus on one thing at a time. When guys withdraw it could take up to 5-6 weeks for them to come back.

  33.  #33Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 10:59 am

    After a divorce some people want to spend time enjoying their freedom rather than jumping right away into a relationship.

  34.  #34Daria on September 19, 2011 at 11:02 am

    aww my sis called me and i talked to her and it feels safer and good and i miss my Godkids!!!

  35.  #35Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 11:05 am

    RE 30 Were you giving to get something back?

    As Rori says helping him through this rough patch might only get you gratitude back, not love.

  36.  #36Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 11:06 am

    33 FW yes but he’s been living away from her for over two years since they split up, but I guess you are right he is not really “free” because it’s ongoing.

    His ex was very masculine energy, high achiever, makes lots of $$, and bipolar on meds. According to him he never should have married her because he always thought of her as a good friend and she helped him alot…so he felt obligated. They were married for 7 years….

  37.  #37Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 11:07 am

    35 I was giving him my time to get what in return…hmm i wanted his love and affection and attention and time and potential and etc etc….

    is it possible to ever give or do without any expectations? is it not human nature? I’m just curious.
    I want to heal this too.

  38.  #38Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 11:08 am

    31 @ Mel thanks for the reply and you are correct in not trying to figure out his stuff….I just don’t want to keep repeating my patterns so I’m trying to put the pieces together and should focus on me and what’s going on with Emerson….
    waah I just hate not knowing what he’s thinking

  39.  #39Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 11:10 am

    It’s interesting though, because even though his wife was very masculine energy, and I’m assuming he let her “row”…..
    when I outgirl Recycled he is very quick to naturally step into a masculine role! And I love it!
    At times he seems to want me to row because it’s prob what he’s used to, but I’ve practiced not doing it and it’s not really a struggle to shift it back to him (the masculine role)

  40.  #40Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 11:22 am

    RE 37 Emerson I believe the intention is what makes the difference. Also in love relationships the stakes are high so we tend to hang expectations which I have learnt translate into the guys feeling pressure.

    I know there are times when I just give because it feels good to do so. A recent date, I gave my time because I wanted to relax and I believe I wanted to experiment with feeling good to see if I could get those around me to feel good including my date. I asked nothing of him and just totally relaxed. This is what happens for me when I am not attracted. When I am attracted I practice turning my attention away from the guy and onto myself. I also look for things to be curious about.

  41.  #41Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 11:23 am

    Wanting to know what he is thinking is disrespectful to the masculine. Also it is not your business.

  42.  #42Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 11:25 am

    41 @ FW this made me laugh because it’s so true and kind of a relief…. thanks for the reminder! 🙂

  43.  #43Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 11:29 am

    RE 42 Happy you were able to laugh about it because reading it back it sounds harsh to me.

    I believe in being true to yourself and being authentic in how you interact with him could inspire him to be a better man and step up. However, you cannot directly do anything to change him in any way. I would encourage you to continue to focus on practicing Rori’s tools and try to bring his status down to similar with every other man in your life. It seems he is getting too much energy.

  44.  #44Senior Lady Vibe on September 19, 2011 at 11:29 am

    “SLV experimental adventure in the yuppie supermarket”

    He was friendly and funny,
    like my Sweetie Babe would be.

    …polite and well-spoken ,
    like my Sweetie Babe would be.

    …tall, nice-looking — not movie star handsome but cute like a little kid’s kind grandfather,
    just like my Sweetie Babe would be.

    You could take him anywhere,
    just like my Sweetie Babe.

    He chatted with me, flirting in a quiet kind of shy way,
    but he stepped right up and asked for
    my e-mail and phone number,
    as my Sweetie Babe might do…

    He scrambled for a pen and paper. So cute.

    He was, I guess, a few years older than I,
    …retired, he said,
    like my Sweetie Babe might be.

    … and…as it turned out…M-A-R-R-I-E-D!

    little raT FINK. 😛

    [I didn’t call him that… but I chuckled and took back the paper with my details. I smiled and waved as I walked away, awww. LOL. Being a siren/goddess isn’t always easy.]

    Oh, well a few minutes of CD practice even if taken by surprise.


  45.  #45Daria on September 19, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Hi Daria, have you ever found yourself “out-of-control” – where you can’t stop your rush to KNOW where your relationship is going, so that your feelings spin out from under you and it feels like you’re pushing your man away?

    It may seem impossible to reverse this and quickly repair any damage that’s been done – but it’s NOT impossible. I did it – and so I KNOW you can.

    All it takes is a simple, step-by-baby-step set of new Tools like the ones in my Reconnect Your Relationship program. You’ll find out how to get yourself to a new “Normal” where you feel calm, peaceful, and SECURE. You can listen to some of “Reconnect,” and then even try it out risk free

    Dear Daria,

    If you’ve ever been seeing a man – and very carefully not been demanding or had a “talk” about where the “relationship is going,” not pressured him or asked for any kind of commitment, and then he says “I need space…” as if you HAD been pressuring him, I know exactly how frustrating that can be.

    You want to scream “I didn’t ask you for a commitment!”

    And that’s where the problem is.

    No matter what we do and say, our “vibe” is what our man hears.

    He may not know how, but he knows what you “really” want… even if you’re hiding it not only from him, but from YOURSELF.

    How does that work? And how can we solve this so that we don’t lose a man for EITHER reason – either because we don’t make it clear what we really want and so we somehow seem like we’re “withholding” or pretending” to be one way when we really feel another way – or by flat-out pushing and pressuring him?

    It’s all so easy if you’re not in love with him.

    I mean – if you feel like he’s a friend, and you don’t have the “tingles” when you’re with him and you don’t care if he calls or if you see him – it’s easy.

    In that situation, there isn’t ANY part of you that wants MORE.

    You’re probably looking for the man you REALLY want to show up, and are just “making do” with the guy in front of you now.

    But what if you DO care for a man?

    What if you DO feel the “tingles” and you DO want MORE with him?

    And what if you tell him you DON’T want more, and try to be casual?

    What if you never mention your dreams for your own future?

    What if you “play it” casual?

    Well – what happens when we try to take the pressure off of a man by steering clear of our REAL desires for a REAL relationship is that we make him feel UNSAFE.

    That’s right.

    And I know it sounds wrong, because you’d think it would do the opposite.

    You’d think he’d feel SAFE.

    But no.

    Because this is what he “gets” from being with us:

    He “senses,” on a deep level, because of the “vibe” we put out, and because we can’t help feeling what we feel on some level we might not even be aware of (we may think we’re so good at “playing” it casual we don’t realize that he can pick up on our “seriousness” anyway) that we WANT him, and WANT a relationship with him – but that, for some reason, we’re holding back on letting him see how we really feel.

    And the moment he picks up that you’re holding back – he feels unsafe.

    He figures, on some deep level he’s not even aware of, that if you can’t handle YOUR feelings – you certainly won’t be able to handle HIS feelings.

    Men are a mass of jumbled emotions just as much as we are – and their biggest dream for love is to be totally ACCEPTED for who they are – ALL parts of them.

    That’s what makes them feel safe.

    And if you don’t love and accept yourself completely – even the parts of yourself you think are weak, ugly and yucky – then he’ll have difficulty feeling safe with you.

    Even your boundaries in what you will and will not tolerate from a man make him feel safe.

    He feels that if you can take care of yourself emotionally, his emotions – and his secrets – will be safe with you!

    To really learn how to do this – how to make a man feel safe and draw him in close to you, and how to keep that balance of WANTING a real, close, intimate relationship, and letting him SEE that, without pushing him away by asking HIM to provide it for you, you’ll want to take a look at my new program “The Modern Siren”

    I know this balance of inner strength and outer softness seems very subtle – but you can do it so easily.

    It’s a very “organic” process, from the inside out – and it’s FUN!

    Here’s a letter from Laurie, who’s struggling with this issue – she’ hasn’t “demanded” anything from her man – so she’s upset that he suddenly needs “space”:

    “Dear Rori, I recently downloaded your e-book on “Have the Relationship You Want” because I know I have a problem. However, it wasn’t my own mind that made me act upon downloading it – it was a 5 month dating ‘relationship’ that started my search.

    I meet this quirky guy on St. Patrick’s day just this year. In the beginning, I didn’t jump on the dates right away. I waited a few weeks before deciding to go out. We started dating once a week. He called me, he asked me out by Tuesday for the weekend. Things were wonderful for the first 2 1/2 months. He was open about being recently divorced and he knew I was very concerned about that but he assured me he was okay.

    Then my 15 year-old niece came to visit – he was excited to entertain the both of us, and all 3 of us did something every weekend. Then something dramatically changed – my niece had been calling him my “boyfriend,” and right after she left, he stated he was not ready to be in a relationship and he needed his freedom. He said that having to see his ex-wife a lot recently made him realize he wasn’t ready for a ‘relationship’.

    I was upset with him. I never ‘asked’ for a relationship. I never put any restrictions on him. I wanted to get to know him and learn who ‘he’ was – without me ‘controlling’ any aspect of his actions. We tried to continue for another month but the tension was too high. I’d already received rejection and I became a ‘different’ person. Always unsure of what was happening. Also questioning the situation because I was hurt.

    I have NEVER been in a relationship where I can take it slow and try not to guide or manipulate the course. I should NOT be this upset because it has only been 5 months. I want ‘it’ and I want ‘it’ right away and if it is not happening on my time frame I make the other person miserable. By actions of emotional overload because I can’t stop ‘talking’ about this issues at hand.

    He said he wants to “slow down,” and I don’t know if I can handle slowing down – but I should be able to. This is where EVERY relationship ends the same way – at the first sign of ‘uncertainty’ I freak out and start wondering and asking questions that are pushing men away.

    My friends say I just have to meet someone who can handle me – but deep down, I know I need to change. I guess I am scared to use this existing situation to try putting your exercises and advice into practice – it will hurt so bad if I know he is ‘dating’ but I should be dating and not worrying about what he is doing. Can you give me any words of advice? I am EXTREMELY frightened to try to start fixing myself now because I keep worrying about what he is doing and not living my life. Thanks, Laurie”

    Fear is a bummer.

    It stops us from getting what we want, when all fear was ever designed to do is protect us from harm.

    So – how can we use fear the way it’s meant to be used – to be a red flag and a warning – and NOT let it run us and get in the way of our true happiness?

    This is an issue therapists and authors have been dealing with for centuries.

    And although I can’t solve it for you in one eLetter, I can help you with a baby-step that will put you on the right path, and show you how to keep moving down that right path in an easy, fun way.

    Fear is NEVER going to go away.

    The Nasty Voice inside your head that’s telling you to “Be Afraid” is never going to go away.

    The horror movie business would disappear if fear weren’t the overwhelming emotion for nearly everyone.

    So – the trick is to LIVE with it.

    In fact, to use the ENERGY of fear to GET what you want!

    Okay, so let’s get specific for Laurie’s situation.

    I truly want to say “Bravo” to Laurie for saying that even though her friends say she needs a man who can “handle” her – she knows, deep down that the way to go is to make changes in herself, first.

    There are whole sets of Tools in all of my products that deal with getting past fear, and let’s look at a tiny baby-step you can do now.


    It moves around your body, it moves from one idea to another, from one image to another, from one situation to another.

    If you are afraid of moths and then overcome that fear, it doesn’t mean you are through with FEAR for life – there will always be fear. But also…


    And it GETS SMALLER, too.

    You can work to make fear smaller, or you can work to make fear bigger.

    This is where you have a choice.

    Right now, it’s easier and less scary for Laurie to focus on what’s going on with her man than to focus on herself and her fears about getting a passionate, thrilling, satisfying life whether or not her man is in it. (I know it sounds worse, but our minds are fiercely weird sometimes.)

    This fear is about the Unknown – about what MIGHT happen.

    Since we have no way to truly know what WILL happen, we’re always reacting with our fear of what MIGHT happen.

    That fear stops us in our tracks, and pretty much pushes our men away.

    So – I want you to CHOOSE to make fear smaller.

    And how do you do that?

    With baby-steps.

    That means you take a baby-step toward what you’re most afraid of.

    And when you discover you’ve not only lived through that but feel actually STRONGER because of the step you took – you’ll feel excited to take ANOTHER baby-step.

    And with every baby-step, some old fears get smaller – and maybe some new ones get bigger.

    That’s why SUCCESS is usually so much scarier than failure!

    At least we KNOW what failure is all about – but success seems almost unknowable.

    But guess what – even while fears are moving around and getting smaller and growing bigger and then getting smaller again – YOU’VE MOVED!!

    Yep – YOU’RE closer to SUCCESS!

    So for Laurie – a great baby-step would be to start doing something for herself.

    Not just the normal things – going out with girlfriends or getting a massage – but TRYING something NEW.

    Perhaps volunteering to help others through an organization.

    Perhaps signing up on a dating site or trying speed dating.

    Perhaps starting a new business.

    The place to get some new ideas for taking this kind of baby-step is my Commitment Blueprint program. The Blueprint will take you through so many different baby-steps you can do to bring your man closer that will WORK and bring YOU closer to success, while helping you handle all the fears that come up as you get successful at anything – including LOVE.

    Let me know about every baby-step you take, I’m thrilled to hear how fear moves around you, in you – and how it gets smaller and smaller until you get exactly what you want!

    Love, Rori

  46.  #46Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Thanks FW

  47.  #47Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 11:37 am

    44 SLV 😯
    Aww…your siren power is undeniable, but poo poo that he was married!!??!!?? Egads.

  48.  #48Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 11:42 am

    43 @ FW
    “When I am attracted I practice turning my attention away from the guy and onto myself. I also look for things to be curious about.”

    I find this helpful! I will keep it in mind.

  49.  #49Daria on September 19, 2011 at 11:46 am

    awww SLV…

  50.  #50Senior Lady Vibe on September 19, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Oh, yay! I just saw these date type dresses for everyone from Lion Brand:

    “…For styling, this dress [Cable Luxe Maxi ] begs to be paired with equestrian-style boots…”
    ~Lion Brand

    A Sweater Dress for Every Body Type

    Well, I think we could rock all those styles (choose your favorite color) with boots!

    I think I first ought to make the Harry Potter scarf [from last year… 😳 … ] so I don’t feel guilty; I think I would. <== Feeling message.


  51.  #51Aurora Girl (formerly Patricia) on September 19, 2011 at 11:47 am


    oh yes….sirens will attract them all….and the flirting makes them feel masculine and the flirting brings out our feminine side………and it’s down to us where we take it from there………….

    nice moves Chickie!


  52.  #52Senior Lady Vibe on September 19, 2011 at 11:56 am

    @48 Emerson

    It seems I have these little adventures when I go out without ANY underwear. Maybe it’s some kind of pheromone thing… or nipple tips… LOL
    Am naughty? I was just in a hurry… running an errand…



  53.  #53Senior Lady Vibe on September 19, 2011 at 11:59 am

    @51: Aurora Girl (formerly Patricia)

    yeah… 😀


  54.  #54Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    52 @ SLV
    I love it!!!! hee hee I may try this myself!!

  55.  #55Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    50 slv

  56.  #56Daria on September 19, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    SLV – omg! just remembered that *I* have adventures when i go out and I am ‘groomed’ down there lol

    that was my secret trick to amp up the sex vibe… seemed it worked almost always!

  57.  #57Lercomari on September 19, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    @FW, thanks for your comment about my Ghana/Cali transition. The thing is, I tried opening myself up before I left Ghana, and that’s how I met Techie. I just don’t want that to happen all over again.

  58.  #58Senior Lady Vibe on September 19, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    @56: Daria says:
    “…that was my secret trick to amp up the sex vibe… seemed it worked almost always!…”

    Yeah, strange, isn’t it? Maybe I’ll do it on purpose soon… hmmm, maybe…. LOL


  59.  #59Senior Lady Vibe on September 19, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    @54: Emerson

    tee hee… 😀


  60.  #60Mel on September 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm


    My date (sexy sarcastic) asked if he can pick me up tomorrow. That feels so sweet, but I’m also feeling some hesitation. Not sure where that is coming from.

    Actually, I think I know why…. My place is not quite set up as I would like. It feels really stark and uninviting at the moment. Every pay cheque I get something to make it a little more “homey” but I would feel embarrassed to have anyone over right now.

    And I think I would WANT to invite him in after the haunted date… but then I know I would just feel preoccupied with my unwelcoming place…

    What should I do?

  61.  #61Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    60 Mel
    Don’t worry about it. Guys don’t care about decor, and he knows you just moved.

    Maybe after seeing it, he may be inspired take you to the store sometime and buy you a housewarming gift to help make it more homey!

    Ya never know!

    I feel that it’s ok! Perhaps you feel vulnerable and like you are not ready to share your space with anyone? Or perhaps you feel vulnerable of being judged? I’m not you so I’m not sure…but don’t worry too much.


  62.  #62Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    56@ Daria
    I’ve noticed the same thing! Thanks ladies for your inspiration!
    I needed a little secret trick this week to amp up the vibe ! tee hee..

  63.  #63Mel on September 19, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Thanks Emerson!

    I think it’s also because when I had my bee friend over to my old place (before I moved) he could sense my discomfort. My whole vibe changed because I wasn’t comfortable in my space. I guess I’m just afraid that this will happen again. I don’t want my vibe to get all cold and weird because I’m embarrassed that my place isn’t ready to “show.”

    What do you think?

    Could I just say this to him? I mean basically what I said in #61?

  64.  #64Susan on September 19, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    28: Mels:

    “So fun! sexy sarcastic guy asked me to go on a “haunted” tour of the city tomorrow. They give these walking ghost tours of all the old buildings in the evenings. Crisp cool evening…cute companion… spooky surroundings! Yay! I feel so excited!”

    That sounds like a LOT of fun! I’d like that too. **taking notes**

  65.  #65Elizabeth on September 19, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Dear Rori,
    I have bought 2 of your programs already, and am currently going through them, but I have a BIG question. I met someone who I was SO SURE was the one and the attraction was there and mutual and strong. However, I pushed him away. I got too emotional too quick, broke it off out of fear, but he’s the one I want back, the one that gives me that amazing feeling. We only dated, it never became a relationship, but I want to know, IS IT TOO LATE? Can I have him back? Or should I forget about this one and use your technique for someone in the future?

  66.  #66Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    63 @ Mel
    I wouldn’t make to big a deal out of it.

    If it makes you feel better, I think you could mention casually “I’m still in the process of decorating my place and getting settled after the move, so it’s a bit sparse.”

    He will be staring at your beautiful sirenishness and comforting you from the spooky tour so I doubt he will flip on HGTV and criticize your lack of decor!!!

  67.  #67Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    I think part of my problem with obsessing over recycled is that I’m feeling very frisky and sexual this past week and I need some attention from a man!

  68.  #68Mel on September 19, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Ha! Emerson,

    The thing is we have had decorating discussions (he is doing some renos right now) and he knows I’m a designer, have an eye for color, etc.

  69.  #69Mel on September 19, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Emerson Re: 67

    I hear ya there sister!

  70.  #70Ella on September 19, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    Hmmm, feeling a little grumpy bc one of my CDs who I went on a date with a few weeks ago, then he went on holiday and has not asked me on a date since he has been back, well he put up a FB status saying ‘I need a woman’ .

    I feel like humph!!!

    There is a SIREN right here dude!!!!!


    Grrr, I feel angry 🙁

    Know its not personal and it just kinda feels it tonight.

    Anyway nevermind.

    I had a work meeting tonight and feeling really excited about my work future.

    It feels exciting!

    Like Yay – thank you Universe for sending me a way of providing for myself that I LOVE doing, and keeps me fit and healthy.

  71.  #71Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    68 Mel

    Well then he will know that you are very discriminating and take your time with decor and not just schlepping any old junk into your house!

    You can stress how you’re taking your time because you’re not in a hurry, (ie. good reminder of no urgency vibe!!) and you want to take your time finding just the right things to fit into your living space to make it beautiful (i.e. you value and love yourself enough to be so picky about how you creat your environs!)

    How do you feel about that approach?

  72.  #72Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    I know what you mean Mel because I feel self conscious about my 10 year old car sometimes, and I tell people I’m taking my time to find just the right “new” car…LOL and I haven’t found it yet…

    The truth is I cannot afford it! So yes true, I am taking my time! Haha.

    Also, my car is paid off so I’m being practical, I know that, but sometimes I feel that people look down on me. I live in a snooty area and people drive trophy cars. blech. 🙄

  73.  #73alias girl on September 19, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    “when all else fails, a goddess does her nails”- alias girl

  74.  #74Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    73 AG that is good advice.

  75.  #75Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    70 @ Ella
    FB is sometimes evil!
    Knowing too much info. blech.
    I don’t have any CDs on mine, just
    a personal preference.

    I once did have a CD as a FB friend,
    and this one gal was always writing
    cutesy messages on his wall and it was
    making me sick. So I deleted him and never
    talked to him after that. LOL.

    Not that it really helps you by sharing that, but anyway….that was my experience. I like a wider

  76.  #76Ella on September 19, 2011 at 3:59 pm


    Thanks for your reply on the previous thread.

    It was lovely.


  77.  #77Ella on September 19, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Like button re 73


  78.  #78Ella on September 19, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Well Sirens I just wanted to give a little update regarding a few on-going things that I have been watching with interest.

    Those who were reading my posts a few months ago will know that I was feeling some doubts and difficulty with the Rori Raye way because all around me I was seeing my friends who don’t do any RR stuff diving into relationships that appeared to be really good, and I was feeling very alone and struggling to feel faith that what I am doing (CD-ing etc) would ever actually work.

    Now its not that I want my friend’s relationships to fail, definitely not, its just I felt sick and tired and worried of seeing the women around me leaning forward, overfunctiong and get the goodies of a relationship whilst I was feeling passed over and unloved.

    One such example was with Housemate (who I almost had a thing with) and his girlfriend who he moved in after 1 month of knowing her (and one month of being broken up with his ex) and who is very sweet and the worst overfunctioner ever.

    She is also older and very sure that her way is the right way. She is quite bossy and will say stuff and complain a lot.

    Well they have been really close and luvvie dovey for the past couple of months, and really intense, to the point where it has sometimes felt uncomfortable.

    She used sex to ‘cement’ the relationship vey quickly and did a striptease for him on his b, day. At the time I felt shocked and yet he seemed to be loving it and really into her and the relationship looked good.

    There is a lot of stuff she does that I kinda think ‘oh No!’ in my head like when I hear her shouting at him like he’s a naughty child for not putting down the toilet seat, and other stuff, like loads of advice giving etc…

    And again it seemed like he was appreciating it and it was all good.

    And she was always ‘cool’ about everything at first and extra nice… at first…

    And anyway now they have started really arguing, after a couple of months. They both drink a lot at weekends and often during the week.

    And this week they had an almighy row because she felt insecure as he was talking constantly about his ex.

    Sirens may remember this is one of the boundaries I put in place with him, that I did not want to hear about his ex… well it turns out she didn’t BUT it has been bothering her! To the point that she bubbled over and they argued. Badly.

    In fact he told her to go! Leave the house.

    Well she didn’t and I think they have sorted things now but she must be feeling really insecure, having just spent the last 2 months moving in.

    Well it goes to show CD-ing is the way until we are sure about a man.

    Because if he loves her that much (like it looked like) I don’t think he would tell her to leave.

    I sure don’t want that from the man who finally wins me and I can’t imagine I would get it either if I have followed the RR way!

    Oh and he said she sounds just like his ex wife with her attitude and nagging.

    Now I feel a little guitly writing about this. I promise I am not gloating.

    Its just that I think it is such an important lesson and a further endorsement for RR tools and CD-ing.

    I don’t know how this situation will work out but I do now see that the relationship is not the perfect heaven I thought it was!

    So I just thought I would share that and for me it makes me feel so much more confident in the RR way, which in turn helps to carry me through the difficult and lonely times.

    It is great to actually experience this stuff in practice and see how it works or doesn’t… makes me feel so much more faith than just reading posts and hoping it all works…

  79.  #79Ella on September 19, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    Oh, and btw… apparently the sex has been withdrawn too by her and he complained about it the other day…

    Just an interesting note and testament to Rori’s concept that they only real connection with a man is the emotional path…

    I do feel badly for female housemate, who has become my friend in a lot of ways.

    And would love to point her here… if it wasn’t for the fact it would blow my safe place for talking about this stuff…

    And processing my feelings.

  80.  #80Ella on September 19, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    And the other 2 relationships which I thought looked really good, one where a friend was overfunctioung and taking crumbs but her partner still seemed really into her, well he told he her is unsure, and they can be friends, and is now seeing his ex 🙁

    And the other friend, she also moved in with her new guy after 1 month, of both her break up and meeting her new guy…

    And she is very masc energy and yet they seemed really in love.

    Well now they are having problems too.

    Fighting and arguing. She is feeling insecure and jealous and has started going through his phone etc etc…

    Btw – I do try to gently share Rori advice with these ladies, and I have pointed them to Rori’s website, Tinques and mine.

    However it is true what they say about you can lead a horse to water and you can’t make it drink!…

    So I am just observing, leaning back and learning… easier to learn from their experiences than to keep repeating them myself!


  81.  #81Starla on September 19, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    LOL, i leaned forward with a text to say i picked a bad night last night to stay out so late with him, cuz i’m so drowning in work I have to stay at the office very late. No reply in 2 hours.

    STOP LEANING FORWARD, STARLA. how many times do you need to experiment before you know it feels bad? LOL

    f*cking ch*ist all f*cking m*ghty.

    pardon my fr*nch

  82.  #82Ariadne on September 19, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Siren Sisters…. Just a quick question for you. What if you want a real commitment from a man….but you don’t want to get married ever again? What does that look like? I want a Life Partnership….not just a man living with me with the “Boy Friend…Girl Friend” Exclusivity. Does anybody out there have this with “real” commitment. Love to you all! Xo

  83.  #83Starla on September 19, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    now i’m just feeling insecure…
    NV’s say:
    he doesn’t like me texting him “so much”
    he wishes he didn’t text me this morning to tell me how much he liked last night with me, because now i’m “smothering him”


    it was ONE text.

    what if i had positive voices instead? Like:
    He is busy doing wonderful ambitious things so he is prepared for an awesome future
    He is going to text me later when i need support the most
    He is planning a surprise for me and can’t keep his mouth shut, so he’s ignoring me.

    But then I think, what if I am a fool for believing the positive things?

    Why do I need to believe the negative, though? To be prepared? I’m not a boy scout, and if it all came crashing down, I would be okay.

    Ahhh, so glad I processed.

  84.  #84Starla on September 19, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Wow, 73 is the best quote ever. I’d do my nails but I just chopped them all off to play music.

  85.  #85Ella on September 19, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Hmmm, So I have to wonder…

    Why am I currently attracting guys who flow in and out so much and do not offer much consistency?

    Do I not feel worthy of consistency?

    Do I unconsciously want distance between me and a guy and fear to much intimacy?

    All quite possible.

    Hmmm, big (contented) sigh.

    I love my fear.

    And now I get to practice more intimacy, and consistent intimacy.

    Maybe I will attract that to practice with a new batch of CDs, owww, that feels exciting.

    I wonder what will happen next.

  86.  #86AmazingMe on September 19, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    Hellloooo Sirens! Things are finally happening for me, not in a CD or relationship well relationship with myself and my family! I take my test soon starting really getting into my studies. I am so happy to think I will be working at the end of October I am so ready. I have a great plan and budget ready to go! Finalizing budget soon. Job check, new car check, get my girlish figure back check, go to Planet Fitness, a new and beautiful gym…check. Though all this is in the making it feels so great sirens to feel like this! I love my hard work and drive for a great life. Of course I still want a man but I tell myself it will come one day in the meantime I am really getting to know who I am and what I want from a man! This growth is amazing and fun!~ Hugs to all, INSPIRED…XOXO

  87.  #87Susan on September 19, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    RE: 82: Ariadne says:

    “Siren Sisters…. Just a quick question for you. What if you want a real commitment from a man….but you don’t want to get married ever again? What does that look like? I want a Life Partnership….not just a man living with me with the “Boy Friend…Girl Friend” Exclusivity. Does anybody out there have this with “real” commitment. Love to you all! Xo”

    I think Tinque has what you are describing. It is what I want (commitment, not marriage.) I’ve had a steady guy who has been with me for about a year. We dated previously and broke up for 4 years because I was leaning forward too much and it made him uncomfortable. Now I do things Rori’s way (for the most part) and things are pretty dang good. 🙂

  88.  #88Starla on September 19, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Silly Starla, he texted back, and he had falling asleep upon arriving home from work, because he was so tired from staying out so late with me!

    silly silly me. i remember i made a pact with myself to ignore negative intuitions for a month. I’ve been doing much better but I am recommitting myself to this goal.

  89.  #89Susan on September 19, 2011 at 5:54 pm


    Try giving those NVs a cookie. This works better for me than thinking harshly about my NVs. For some reason, being kind to them while shushing them helps them stay shushed longer.

  90.  #90Starla on September 19, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Thank you Susan:) I am just getting impatient with them. Hehe. I am going to dance for my NV’s. They don’t really like sugar. Weird huh?

  91.  #91Susan on September 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    RE: 90: Starla says:

    “Hehe. I am going to dance for my NV’s. They don’t really like sugar. Weird huh?”

    Can I watch? 😀

  92.  #92Ariadne on September 19, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Siren Susan
    Thank you for the reply! I leaned sooo forward in my marriage that I fell forward and broke my nose!! LOL!! I am really. really good at leaning back now. Ithink I’ve got that down enough now where I won’t fall back and bruise my A$$! I notice when I lean back the man always leans sooo forward. That feels good. I also gave too much advice…NOT GOOD! We bacame more like business partners….I want a Romantic Relationship…so I’m sticking with RR’S methods. Maybe when Tinque shows up she’ll let me know what that looks like and how they came to their commitment…a for Reelz Commitment..and not just co-habitation with a BF. Thanx again Xo A

  93.  #93GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    #89 Susan That idea rocks imo… I’m feeling the truth of that. Going to the NV feedstore right now to grab some of those cookies!!! 😀 And some ANT food too… for those pesky/deadly Automatic Negative Thoughts!

    Love love love to all Sirens… and to beloved Rori et al tonight!

  94.  #94Susan on September 19, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    RE: 92: Ariadne

    I am probably guessing **because I am only 1 year into my current (but very good) relationship** but I think a For Reelz Commitment is something that takes time to develop.

    For the past month or so, my guy has been making little noises about living together, but I’m not responding to his hints. You see, even though things are going well and even though he treats me as if he loves me, he hasn’t actually said the words. He HAS used strong commitment language, but hasn’t used the L word. If he comes right out and asks about moving in together, I plan to say no. I plan to say I won’t live with a man without love. He has run into a boundary with me before and he just might run into this one soon… We’ll see what happens…

  95.  #95GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    #82 & 87 Araidne & Susan That’s kind of me too. I just don’t believe in or agree w our government enough to validate or participate in “marriage” under that system. Tinque and her man have created such an honest and connected life partnership, even thru problems… and look at all that’s come out of that as far as her contribution to all of us, not to mention the happiness and real-ness, passion and honest vuknerability that’s precious between them, and which she’s created for herself as an individual. I believe in commitment, but, like a lot of my guy friends have said, a commitment is the same whether it’s all those trappings and government junk. As far as property and legalities, I believe there are alternative ways to set that up as well… at least some… which circumvent many things I don’t like about US marriage and yet give many of the same assurances of taking care of each other and inheriting property etc?

    What I want now is a commitment, solidly and appropriately made, in an individual way that we design and which works for us, with the help of a legal advisor if necessary… not a one-size-fits-all awkward, boxy, little girl dream…

  96.  #96Ariadne on September 19, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    Susan…. I don’t want to live with anyone until they tell me they Love me and couldn’t be without me either. That feels right to me. I Love the support and sharing here. I feel blessed that I met you all and Ms Rori Raye. I felt I should have found this earlier…but have no regrets. Everything happens in it’s own time and space and for the right reasons…I’m sooo glad that I have finally arrived! Love to all. Xo

  97.  #97Mel on September 19, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    So I decided to just tell my CD how I felt. Because I know if I just pretended it didn’t bug me, that I would end up acting weird and distant and reverting to old patterns of stuffing my feelings.

    I was light-hearted and vulnerable about it. Said I felt embarrassed… said I felt a little silly and girlish in wanting to have my place “just so” before I had anyone over. But that it posed a dilemma because it would also feel so nice to be picked up for our date.

    Then (because he totally gets my sarcasm) I asked: “Any suggestions to end this inner conflict?”

    His response: “LOL, no worries! If you want, come by my place, park your car here and then I’ll drive.”

    Perfect! Problem solved. 🙂

  98.  #98AmazingMe on September 19, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    @96 Well said Ariadne!! No regrets just lessons in life!! Where is Lily?? hmmm…I love this blog and am so glad to be moving forward!

  99.  #99Femininewoman on September 19, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    Elizabeth I believe Rori would encourage you to do things that will make you feel happy, including cdating

  100.  #100GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    #94 Susan There are some good books out there that I can’t think the names of (some are Christian relationship books, but not all are), which talk about how we women want & need to be LOVED, and that men don’t necessarily get that… they think being there for us etc is love… and we need to hear the words. If I were you, when the moment comes for you to say that to him, I’d consider using “I statements” that don’t judge, condemn, control, belittle or give him an ultimatum or demanding opinion, or feel to him like you’re excluding or discounting him or his apparent (or obvious?) love for you? They just often aren’t so good at romance… and in my experience, the ones that are are often cheaters.

    I believe that men need to be admired, respected and trusted… they don’t always get this love thing that we need to hear so often to be happy & connected… so imo some words that may describe “love” better to them are: cherish, support, to be precious to him in a “one & only” way… there are more… can anybody add tothe list (I have a tummy ache right now so brain’s working slower, ak).

    When my great grandfather proposed to his second wife after my great grandmother died (when my grandmother was a young girl), he did so after much formal “courting” in which they had to be chaperoned and sit in a room w hands on thighs in stiff clothes, talking about the weather etc… one day he took her for a walk to the cemetery where my great grandmother was buried, and they sort of managed to escape ahead of their chaperone for a bit and arrive at the spot. They weren’t supposed to be allowed to touch before marriage hardly if at all… he simply took her there and pointed to his lost wife’s grave and said, “Do you know who is here?” Then he said, pointing beside it, “And this is where I’ll be… (and pointing still further along) …and this is where I want you to be.”

    And that was that.

    NOT my preference for a proposal, lol, but it came to mind bc he reputedly never said “I love you” to anyone… but theirs was a passionate, connected, honest, incredible marriage of the kind we all dream about by all accounts… until he passed… there’s more to the story after that too… but how does it *feel* when he’s with you… do you feel loved?

  101.  #101Ariadne on September 19, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Siren Amazing…I read your comments all the time. Really enjoy them. It’s amazing the wisdom we all have collectively with our experiences. All great lessons! This blog alone, allows me to Lean Back. I use it as a tool. Instead of waiting for the guy…I wait for you guys and learn something new all the time. It works for me! Xo

  102.  #102LILI 41 on September 19, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    I was looking for a cheap activity to do and bingo…My best friend who lives next door needs a tutor to help her 10 year old daughter with her homework. It’s only 1 hour on Monday nights and 1 more hour on Tuesdays or Thursdays.
    The kid is a sweetheart.
    I am accepting not having my own kids by saying to myself that when someone needs me, being childless will allow me to be available to help out. So here I am available to help out my friend and her daughter.
    It really felt good to connect with a child and see her so happy succeeding in her homework.
    Mommy was very happy and grateful also. She is ovewhelmed with the homework, especially the French which I am really good at.
    I am cd’ing in so many different ways…variety is fun! 🙂
    …and I got to miss my man’s phone call, good NO WAITING BY THE PHONE 😉
    I thought I would not hear from him for while after I vented out at him Friday night as half sireny and half unsireny. But my venting resulted in him opening up real wide with his feelings and thoughts. I got p’d when he didn’t call at all the next day but I leaned back and let him process and have his fun with his buddies.
    I was so furious the entire weekend.
    But I started replaying and started noticing the positive today and started getting those lovy dovy feelings when I realized how much of a HUGE leap he made in opening up.
    Then he calls last night and again tonight. I returned his missed call tonight 2 hours later. I could have called sooner but kept him waiting by calling my mom 1st. He mentioned something about how WE NEED to go on a vacation in the sun alone together over the winter. Woooowwww…a honeymoon would feel so AAAAAWSOME !!!

  103.  #103AmazingMe on September 19, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Re 101: Yes so true coming here instead of leaning forward. Someone once said (forgive me cannot remember) that we could be sponsers like people that drink call when they feel like they are going to drink. Same concept this blog is like a sponser for when you feel like leaning forward you come here to get advice and support!! I think it is awesome, I have a place to come and get great advice with just life in general not just men. Afterall this blog is not about men, It’s about us…yay feeling support feels so good!

  104.  #104GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    #96 Ariadne (& 94 Susan)

    You said “I don’t want to live with anyone until they tell me they Love me and couldn’t be without me either…”

    Yep. You nailed it imo. It’s that “couldn’t be without me” part that is essential to me too… I don’t exactly have that here… but almost… this man I love and am also doing lifework and deeply connected “friendship” with doesn’t believe in not being able to do without anyone or anything… and doesn’t believe in superficial friendships either… he’s got a point though and I’m learning a lot that will always be good for me. But there are so many ways men can love… I’m thinking on this much lately as we’ve had several people here w relationship issues and changes, in all kinds of ways… it’s intriguing and very helpful to have to sort all this out I feel. It feels good to me to do it, even though I want to avoid it (and the growth it causes for me… it can be very very uncomfortable too). My soul won’t leave it alone… it’s like I *have* to learn this.

  105.  #105Patricia on September 19, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    hey guys late and Im just getting to post…the guy that I just deleted from my FB account was this guy in NYC…it was all about him..I have no desire for that again. I did go and tripped hard b/c it was sad even though I DID get out and do other things..I would urge her to bring a friend that wanted to go do things with her..not have sex b/c it would be rude with her friend there and just take the free room. And say “I didnt think u would mind I wouldnt feel safe in NY alone.” no sex in the city for u!

  106.  #106AmazingMe on September 19, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    Lili 41 there u are…honeymoon did i miss something girl!

  107.  #107LILI 41 on September 19, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    re 101.

    Hi Ariadne! and we’ll be waiting for you! I love the way you put that.

    Coocoo AmazingMe! Feels good to feel missed when someone is looking for me. Glad to see you.

  108.  #108T-Girl on September 19, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Gingersky, thank you for listing out those other words in place of the L word. I have been longing to hear my guy say the L word, but he has told me I am precious, and he told someone he was talking to on the phone that he had to go because he was “with the love of my life”. I think I am so hung up on the L word because I want to tell him too, but I tell him in other ways.

    Sometimes I think he is waiting for me to say it first. I will say something like “I love it when you…” and he will say “what did you say”? And this man has no problem hearing…

  109.  #109la chiquita bonita on September 19, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    its getting a little chilly here in the northeast and i feel all romantic..sigh just thinking about cuddling i am hopeful to cuddle with someone new and fresh by the end of the year or maybe more than just one;)
    so about cdating..ive heard rori mention that giving those guys who were not that attracted to from the start a chance but when i do this i feel guilty and im feel anxious to cut it off and just cdate those i feel attracted to..hows everyones experience on this? on giving the “not my typers” a chance? has it worked hmm i feel curious

  110.  #110GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    #103 AmazingMe Oh, yes, these Sirens here and this blog are *definitely* my SPONSORS! I am a relationship addict I am quite sure… and when I need a drink of relationship-drug, trying to find out what the man is doing when I miss him etc, or when I feel myself reaching for that bottle of LeanForward, THIS is where I come for support!

    Thank you, Sponsors! This has SO changed my life. It’s even majorly helped my health, bc I’m not so run-down or ill all the time from spending so much energy leaning forward all the time. I am more whole on every level, and learning not only to love myself, but to love ON myself. And love on you all, too, bc what we give, we also register as having been received by our own selves 🙂

  111.  #111Patricia on September 19, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    I dated myself today and ran 4miles and let the wind in my face feel exhilarating…I am still not dating men right now until I feel secure again with just me. when I start getting that needy feeling..I do what they do..step back and reevaluate..find what hurts and then review what kind of men Im attracting…every one is just bringing me closer to the one..yyyaaayyy for love thats real and for finding what makes me it was me

  112.  #112GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    #108 T-Girl Lol! Well, this L word is like life & breath for us ladies, is it not? I would never say it first… but maybe you show it to him in other ways… till he finally steps up & says it someday (soon?)!

    I bet if you tell him you admire, respect or trust him, or even better, show that you do, he will receive it AS Love… and maybe be more secure and grounded in himself from that to step over the line of resistance and say the L word to you… how I hope so 🙂

    Thanks for your sharing!

  113.  #113T-Girl on September 19, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    109 La Chicuita – YES, YES, and YES! The man I am with now was so not my type but I gave him a chance and now life is wonderful! We have been together for 4 months 🙂

  114.  #114AmazingMe on September 19, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    @109 I am wondering the same thing. I hear it’s good practice but I mean everyone has a type you know. You cannot help what you are attracted to. So is it neccesary to date someone who is not your type at all? I mean you dont want to give false hope to anyone…or have to let them down. That feels bad to me..good question, who knows the answer and rationale 🙂

  115.  #115Ariadne on September 19, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Siren Ginger….”Just Do It!” Spell Love backwards…EVOL…as in Evolve! You have to grow. Don’t resist it. Embrace it. That which doesn’t grow dies.That is what Love is growth. Xo

  116.  #116LILI 41 on September 19, 2011 at 7:28 pm


    You didn’t miss anything if you’v been reading me over the weekend. I vent out at the guy on Friday, and on Sunday he brings me breakfast and installs my blinds on a window. Calls me Sunday night before heading out for his nightshift, tired as heck after spending the day at the football stadium with his buddies. Calls me again tonight to say he wants to go down south on the sunny beach alone with me this summer.
    I think that letting my true emotions and feelings out on Friday really got to him. I used to be so accusing and lay everything on him. I still was, but the difference was that I put a lot of focus on how I felt which I hadn’t done in the past. So half unsireny and half sireny…Imagine what it’s gonna look like when I’m FULL SIRENY !
    Btw, marriage will never be in the works for us, we’ve both been there done that. But we do want to be comitted and sharing a house someday, we’ve just been unsure about who with for a while.

  117.  #117T-Girl on September 19, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    111 Ginger Sky, last weekend he told me I was wonderful and he thanked me for being in his life. One of these days…I feel it coming… and I will be ready to say it back! 🙂

  118.  #118T-Girl on September 19, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    There are so many sucess stories that I have read where the woman states that she ended up with someone she normally wouldn’t have given a chance. Give them a chance. These are usually the good ones! And now I can totally relate.

  119.  #119GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    #111 Patricia That is awesome…! You have built me up with your words! That feels so good to read. I need to do this more too… I’m doing better & better… but it’s like a muscle I’ve lost strength in… but some women I’ve had the pleasure of being around here have helped me in that a lot just by being themselves and sharing their honest emotions even though painful, and even though they have the same issue too.

    It feels GOOD GOOD GOOD to me to KNOW that even though we are hurting, not loving ourselves, having relationship issues, that we can *still* be *alive* in sharing that all w each other… and it all gets better for the honest sharing. I never knew this for most of my life. What a clincher! Who knew?! This is my life now… to take care of me, lean back & remain open to receiving… and deal with the triggers so others don’t step on them like mines. And do the zen of waht you just said.

  120.  #120GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    #117 T-Girl Awww… reading that makes my heart feel all warm & melty inside… thank you T-Girl for that feeling… and thank you Gingersky for receiving that feeling and for feeling it, and for allowing it to roll on more than usual, and not block it off with your scared boy energy & defensiveness. I sometimes like my waterwheel to be like a caramel wheel… and I dip the apple of my heart in my caramel-wheel as it flows over… and rolls on and on…

    …where are you tonight, Brenda?! You waterwheel woman… lol! I just went back & read your story of your childhood waterwheel… I hope I bookmarked that so I can find it again! So lovely… T-Girl, you can maybe just imagine your waterwheel and on it is flowing his heart words, long and full… until he connects with his confidence and inner sense of security enough… it will be a big moment. I hope it is *perfect* and real… and oh so sweet!

  121.  #121GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    #108 T-Girl Actually I take that back… the words (Trust, Admire and Respect) *are* important for the man to hear coming out of your mouth, I believe. In so many ways and for so many reasons… it is life and breath to him.

  122.  #122Ariadne on September 19, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    Sweet Dreams Sirens! Can’t wait for tomorrow. I’m going to practice the 5 second smile on at least 5 people tomorrow. That’s a hard one for me. Good night all, and thank you. Xo A

  123.  #123GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    #115 Ariadne Aahh… that feels so good to read… yes, inertia works both ways… I can be “comfortable” in deadness/stillness/stuckness… or I can equally get as comfortable and moreso in movement, growth and progress! Thank you, Siren! I will go running tomorrow and date myself… and maybe even go to the gym. And I’m now throwing out old stuff/clothes/etc I have hoarded too much… and letting old energy go (very hard for me in the past… no more… I want my life to be about growth like you say, Ariadne, just gently instead of so hard and abusively to myself as in the past when I leaned forward and pushed me too hard all the time — then balked… and got more stuck. Does this make sense or resonate with others too?

    If I l-o-v-e myself, it means I e-v-o-l-utionize my life! I get this.

  124.  #124LILI 41 on September 19, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    re 109
    To Chiquita! and to all the women who do not feel that initial attraction:

    I was so NOT attracted to my current guy when I first met him at a party. He was wearing a baseball cap to hide his baldness. I found him to be way too old at 9 years older than me, he even looks older than his real age.
    He was so shy and awkward. I accepted a date anyway, on the condition that he wouldn’t wear a baseball cap or any hat.
    On that first date without the hat, I got a clear view of his eyes. The more I stared into them the more they looked gorgeous. But that wasn’t enough for me and I didn’t like his controlling vibe. I turned him down because he did not want children at all and I was not ready to say no to children.
    That was in the fall and by the springtime, I had decided on a definite no for children. I bumped into him by accident in the summer. I had completely forgot his existence. I couldn’t understand it but I felt butterflies. His vibe was so different! He felt confident.
    When we met the 1st time, we were both 2 months out of long comitted relationships. But 8 months later we were both dating someone else that we weren’t really into. But both our vibes had shifted tremendously since we first met. Low and behold, we got into a conversation and I felt so confortable, confident and good about his vibe. The 1st time we met, his vibe was controlling. 8 months later his vive was soft, gentle and confident.
    He persued me like a crazy man. His eyes were so googoo on me. Boy did I fall in love with him. He is so kind and generous. He always encourages me to express myself fully no matter how nuts I get.
    I was so not attracted at first, but now his bald head is the most beautiful one I have ever seen!
    and for a guy 9 years older: He plays hockey 3 days a week and can follow me on my dancing marathons.

    YOU NEVER KNOW what will turn out on a date with a guy you would reject. Beleive me!

  125.  #125GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    Have to go…the man is coming over to catch up onlate business chat… and then me and my tummy ache (processed food, ugh) are going to sleep… much to do tomorrow… I will miss you all, as I like nothing better tonight than to stay on here and chat with you all… for hours… I love my missing-Sirens feeling… bye for now. xox

  126.  #126GingerSky on September 19, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    #81 Starla One more comment from me… that was well-said imo. How many times… we’re rooting for you here… to not lean back next time… look up online “My Life In Five Short Chapters”? You’ve probably already seen it before perhaps?

    We’ll be supporting you and all of us in watching out for that manhole (play on words accidental, lol) of leaning forward. Texting is too much like “crack”, too cheap, easy and fast, and reached for before you know it. It is not good! Lol. Strength to you to love on Starla, and to do what feels good and does not hurt. xo

  127.  #127LILI 41 on September 19, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    re 109 Part 2:

    That guy I rejected at first: I now have comittment issues with him, and whatever the outcome, he will have been the best therapy ever! That is afterall the relationship that brought me to Rori and this blog. I get to practice on him, no matter the outcome.
    So it is true, that every experience will bring you closer to the real thing even with a man you would never normally consider.

  128.  #128Starla on September 19, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    Thank you for your nice comment ginger sky

    he ended up texting back when he awoke “yeah we were out so late but it was very worth it!”

    then i told him i was feeling motivated to work out so i’d talk to him later, and he called me a sweet pet name and told me to enjoy it.

    i love how supportive he is

    btw, speaking of men we’re not attracted to, I wasn’t attracted to him at all when I first met him.

  129.  #129LILI 41 on September 19, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Yey GingerSky for destuffing the closet !!! Did wonders for me over the weekend, hope it will do the same for you.

  130.  #130AmazingMe on September 19, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    Had a good conversation with a prospective CD..hmmm i feel afraid to talk to guys on a serious level…wierd.

  131.  #131AmazingMe on September 19, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    Things were going great the only thing that turned me off a bit was he told be he had a big ccoooccckkkkk…ewww i lol and said TMI. WOW

  132.  #132nikita on September 19, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    sex is sex and dating is dating…..where is that article?

    i want sex from a man i was dating

  133.  #133English Woman on September 19, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    I am sooo far behind on the blog but have been catching up this morning and reading some AMAZING stuff from the Sirens of Siren Island, go girls!! 😀

  134.  #134la chiquita bonita on September 19, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    T girl, Amazing Me, and Lili 41 thanks for your input..hmm i do feel curious to give the “non typers” a chance but i feel really mischevious when i do because i feel like im just using them to practice…i guess is it fair to say that after lets say three dates no butterflies is a good cut off? it gives him a chance to woo me but also after three dates i wont feel guilty of wasting his time if it doesnt work out however im giving him that time to ititiate some attraction. I feel good with this..ugh i always just feel bad telling someone no because i feel like im really hurting their feelings but lol i should just get over myself im sure thay can move on with that short time! maybe i just feel bad when im rejected even early on but its just part of the dating experience!

  135.  #135English Woman on September 19, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    #28 MEL!!!

    I as SO in awe of you!! You are really getting out there and getting back into it and I so admire you.

    I am STILL at the stage of doing the online messages on POF but too afraid to get out there into the REAL world and actually meet anybody even for a cup of coffee. I think it is because I have been disappointed SO MANY times with previous dates I have met from the sites………I feel like I need to protect myself from chronic boredom LOL!!

    Got rid of 2 young ‘uns last night who said they were looking for “fun” on POF, well we all know what that means ;), they asked what I was looking for – I said marriage…………..poof……………LOL!!

  136.  #136la chiquita bonita on September 19, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    T girl, Amazing Me, and Lili 41 thanks for your input..hmm i do feel curious to give the “non typers” a chance but i feel really mischevious when i do because i feel like im just using them to practice…i guess is it fair to say that after lets say three dates no butterflies is a good cut off? it gives him a chance to woo me but also after three dates i wont feel guilty of wasting his time if it doesnt work out however im giving him that time to ititiate some attraction. I feel good with this..ugh i always just feel bad telling someone no because i feel like im really hurting their feelings but lol i should just get over myself im sure thay can move on with that short time! maybe i just feel bad when im rejected, even early on but its just part of the dating experience!

  137.  #137English Woman on September 19, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    #44 SLV

    Such fun to be had, even in the yuppie supermarket. 🙂

    Hey we kinda have one of those in my town, toooo expensive for me, but maybe I will do an experiment myself one day and see who hangs around the aisles LOL!!

  138.  #138alias girl on September 19, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    #123 lili 41 i love this! thank you so much for sharing!

  139.  #139Tmizz on September 19, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    So much fun stuff on the blog today!

    Okay, here I am. Having a thought before I go to bed tonight.

    I love CDating, and I think it’s great. It truly does lift my vibe to know that *Millions* (okay, maybe – well, lots at least;) of men are attracted to me, they want me. It feels so good. Etc.

    But what if I get so good at dating lots of different men that I forget how to be close and intimate with JUST ONE man?!??

    What if I get so addicted to CDating, that when a “commitment” comes along, I might not even WANT it anymore!

    I’m afraid this is kind of what happened with RB. Except that, when I did decide I wanted a commitment – and I thought he showed up at just the right moment – it didn’t work out that way.

    What’s a girl to do???

    Keep CDating I guess…

    But I’m so worried that I won’t find a GOOD man to be with. Or that when I do, I’ll totally REJECT him. Guess I’ve got more work to do.


    Off to bed.

    Good night! xox

  140.  #140English Woman on September 19, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    #130 AmazingMe

    Ain’t online dating great?? NOT!!

    I HATE it when that happens, you think you are having a normal conversation, then suddenly the guy will ask what bra size you take? WTF does that have to do with anything………gggrrrrrrrrr

  141.  #141AmazingMe on September 19, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    LOL RE 139….yes I know it’s great haha but I am glad to say I handled it well. I responded with, “wow, uh ok so do u like football?” That felt good I wanted to make him feel awkward for making me feel awkward. Not in a game sort of way just want him to think before he says something like that to me. I mean he doesn’t know me what if I like small little cute ones…LOL..ok I am lying but still hahaha

  142.  #142AmazingMe on September 19, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    So great news!!! My parents and I ordered 3 of the electronic smoking kits. I am so excited and sister got me a membership to the gym as an early Christmas gift!! YAY I am so excited to get healthy no more nasty cigs and that smell i hate it!! I will keep u posted! Losing weight, getting healthy and making money!! Yeah baby!

  143.  #143English Woman on September 19, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    #113 Amazing Me

    This is something I struggle with every time I log onto my inbox on POF. Now I know I should be pleased to see all these men lol, but somehow I just get very meh…….

    And wondering about T girl and the man she is with now, the one who she normally wouldn’t have given a look in.

    Reminds me of this other blog I was on years ago and this lady had a male business partner and he was paunchy and balding and in no way her “type” yet as time went on they fell in love and then she saw him in a different light and she said, all of a sudden he looked like Paul Newman LOL!!

  144.  #144Emoticon on September 19, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    Sorry I haven’t been on here at all. I’ve been so busy but I love it! Every1 is being so leany forward with me! Oh the joy of just BEING n enjoying. My CDs are all “stepping their game up” n I didn’t even tell them to. I suppose my degree of difficulty went up from last week huh? N I think its cuz my boy energy is stepping up n filling any gaps in my life. I have never felt less needy in my life!

  145.  #145AmazingMe on September 19, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    @143 Yay for u not feeling needy is awesome!! haha too funny!

  146.  #146English Woman on September 19, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    #123 LILI 41

    Another beautiful “not my type” love story, hope yours has a happy ever after ending. 🙂

  147.  #147Emerson on September 19, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    I had kind of an interesting day.

    I went out and CD’d myself at the mall today, and as I was walking around I was feeling this really charged sexual energy and guys kept checking me out…like their eyes were glued on me and following me and it was kinda funny…I think it was all that talk earlier about not wearing panties…!!!! But I was wearing them! 😯 hahaha….

    So I was walking around and thinking to myself, how do i feel?? If I really sink into my feelings in the moment, how do I feel right now?? All I could think of in a feeling message is “I feel horny!” LOL…and I thought to myself, that’s ok! It’s true and authentic how I feel! Plus I’m sure Recycled would love it if I said that!

    Then I took it to the next level, this conversation in my head, and I thought, maybe I should tell him that I just want him for sex and forget all this relationship potential, just have sex all the time and that’s it.

    That’s all I want you for. I don’t want anything else with you. Is that ok with you, Recycled? LOL I wonder what he would say!

    Now obviously I want more…but it was kind of my defenses having this hypothetical convo, and plus a girl has needs!! 🙂

    And an added bonus for me, when I meet other/new CDs I’ll be all juicy and sexually satisfied all the time! Not piney and uptight! Hmm.

    Well lo and behold!!! Recycled called and left a message while I was gallavanting in the mall and my phone does not work in there so I didn’t hear it, and as I was walking out I got his message. I wonder if he could feel my horny energy from a few miles away. 🙂

  148.  #148English Woman on September 19, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    #140 Amazing Me

    Small little cute ones LOL!!


  149.  #149Emoticon on September 19, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    Thank you AmazingMe! Now I need 2 get updated….heehee ^_^ so many comments,

  150.  #150alias girl on September 19, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    #141 amazingme. YAE! i feel happy to read that.

  151.  #151alias girl on September 19, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    guy online listed himself as “big and tall” but he’s only 5’7″ so i’m thinking he must just be only the big part.

    but his pictures didn’t really seem that.

    and then he posted a new one today.

    i think he is big. well, yes, anyway, that is what his profile said. but the one picture must be old or something.

    anyway i will still feel happy to meet him because his face is very cute. and he hasn’t given up on me yet. (he’s called twice and i haven’t returnedhis call.)

    i guess i am just scared to date.

  152.  #152English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 12:21 am

    #150 Alias Girl

    I am scared to date too. 🙁

  153.  #153English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 12:22 am


    I feel scared to date

    I feel scared of being on my own for the rest of my life.

    I feel scared that “this” is it, that “this” is all I am meant to have.

    I feel scared and frightened and teary, but I love me anyways. 🙂

  154.  #154Daria on September 20, 2011 at 2:27 am

    omg lastnite’s dream felt awful

    i dreamt i had a cd and i went with him to his house… i think i musta drove there tho i don’t remember that part it comes up later

    anyway me and him went in together and we were fine sitting on the couch watching a movie, and also i was tlaking to some of the kids there.

    well he started acting weird towards the end, and left for a bit. then i was alone and his mom/sister/aunt or i dono who but was basically saying not to help me

    but i was clueless and in a great mood

    so i asked him to walk me to the car… and … we couldn’t find it!

    tho now i remember i clearly parked it deep in someones driveway

    it was not there

    adn my purse was gone to

    and then i was in the kitchen talking to the crackhead guy there… his name was Hamburglar

    cuz ppl were makkng comments to just kick me out
    but the guy didn’t but he had to go to sleep

    and so i was in the kitchen tryna figure out what to do

    and i asked the hamburglar for some sweats and a jacket, cuz i was going to go out alone at nite it was like 4 am… so he gave me some and i felt happy

    and then i was looking for my shoes and i couldnt find them, but finally i found em in the microwave covered with beans

    so i washed them off but the strap was gone fom one of them

    so i went to the other room and said papi i found my shoes they were in the microwave! and he said something to the effect of, yeah you didnt know that, i knew that… and thats when i felt that sinking feeling like i knew he had something to do with everythign

    adn i played it cool anyway because thats my reaction

    and i stayed sweet and said oh and did he know where the strap with my seashells was

    and he gave me some kinda heart bracelet that resembled that and i said thank u

    and he was in a big bed and his cousin who had gone out with him was on the other side with a girl, and i think there was a girl with Him too!

    and im there acting all nice and then i went to the other room and started to use the hamburgler’s phone to try to figure out where to call to find out where my car was impounded

    and then i walked out and eventually my sister and her mom picked me up and we went to some tow yards, and had them look up my number which i tried to remember… and i had figured out by now that the boys themselves had taken the car and was tryna figure what to do

    and then it didnt show up as towed so i figured they had parked it somewhere….


    and then i met up with my brother cuz i was gonna have him maybe go in there and get at those boys for me

    but we were on the street at my moms house and he started going into someone’s car trunk and i felt way overwhelmed and left
    i felt tired of dealing with that

    im glad my garage closed

    and then i saw my cat and he had what looked like might have been a burn mark on his tail…a nd i kissed my cat eventho he was a lil more shy than usual

    and i just felt sad overwhelmed and powerless to control my brother and UGH

    blah wakeup

  155.  #155Esteemed on September 20, 2011 at 3:51 am

    Good morning!

  156.  #156Izzy on September 20, 2011 at 3:55 am

    I don’t feel complete as an unity so I feel afraid I will get lost in somebody else if I share a house with them. What do I need to do to keep my unity, my center and still be able to live with someone else? I don’t feel ready at all.

    What I need at this exact moment is to fill my need of physical touch, hugs, kisses and eventually sex, but mostly hugs and kisses. In order to really enjoy sex, I need to feel that kind of closeness that I want, but at the same time am so afraid of.

    Why do I allow myself to get so distracted with social contact? Not only romantically, but any social contact. I feel so good with my me time. By myself for a whole day, for a few days, for a week. I don’t need that many people in my life. But I do get lonely sometimes. When I talk to certain people I feelmy mind getting distracted, I feel not centered, my mind starts wondering around, with no focus. It is as if they trigger some really nasty voices that suck my attention and leaves room for nothing else. That makes me feel agitated. That makes me close off. I want to feel centered, with an internal reference. But the moment my social life starts, I lose that internal reference and start getting my reference from outside. That makes me feel weak.

    How do I keep centered in spite of whatever is going on outside? I can’t hide forever, but that is what I feel like doing. That is what I am doing, what I have always done. How can I be more open and still feel good with myself? How can I be more open and don’t feel lost?

    Does anyone feel like that?

  157.  #157Lyka on September 20, 2011 at 3:59 am

    Hi Esteemed!

    It feels great to read all the positive posts here this morning! You Sirens Rock! 🙂

  158.  #158Iara on September 20, 2011 at 4:18 am

    Guys are so proud of being a man, they like man, and they love their penises. To them, a woman is merely a way to satisfy their penises and a means to make them look better with the other guys. So the goal is to look good amongst themselves. They value the appreciation of other men.

    When they go chasing a woman, it is the competition that they enjoy, not the woman herself. The competition against other man. What makes them feel good is to be better than the other man, not to be with a woman.

    Maybe that is how they start off, but eventually they start looking at the woman and appreciating the woman herself. That is, if she makes him feel more masculine, that kind of feeling they get from winning a competition with other man. And so they start valuing the appreciation of the woman.

    Women, on the other hand, start off listening to stories about princes, they play with dolls that are their babies that they will only have if they have a relationship with a man. We start off focusing on the man and then we have to learn to focus on ourselves. Men start focusing on themselves and have to learn to shift the focus to the girl.

    Enough thinking, back to feeling messages now.

  159.  #159Mel on September 20, 2011 at 4:19 am

    152 English Woman,

    If this IS all there is…. then I’d better make the most of it! 😉

    Love ya! You’ll date when you feel ready. For me it was a sudden realization that life was going to move along and things were going to change whether I wanted them to or not. Might as well be directly INVOLVED in those life changes rather than just letting sh*t happen to me.

    I’m off to work… Have a great day ladies!

    I’m uber-excited for my spooky date this evening!

  160.  #160Daria on September 20, 2011 at 5:02 am

    reading Lara’s post wow i feel triggered!

    ouch, it must feel awful to believe that 🙁

    well the part about how men don’t really care about women in a deep sincere way

    I want to believe men Love women, worship them as Goddesses…

    actually i believe they start out this way in life naturally

    I do like that men like being men and they like their penises though hehe

    I like their penises too!

    and I love my vagina!

    me personally, i was not into dolls or wishing for princes…

    I would play games where i WAS the prince, actually the evil prince lol!

    and i used to kidnap the other girls so someone else would have to rescue them (which i think sometimes was still me)…

    well, I still wanted and want a masculine man….

  161.  #161Daria on September 20, 2011 at 5:05 am

    Izzy – yes! sometimes…

    use the tools! breathe, in public, let your thoughts fall to your pelvis like a lead weight, feel your pelvis… open your heart!

    breathe, stay open

    This IN THE BODY experience is the key

    and another thing,

    when you listen, listen with all your attention at level 2 (not listening deeply makes me feel irritable and drained)

    speak your feelings, and mostly use a lot of silence

  162.  #162Daria on September 20, 2011 at 5:07 am

    omg i just stretched my legs in that special way from Lou Gross and wow i feel so much more energetic and relaxed and happy

    woww and flowy

    thank you thank you thank you Daria

  163.  #163Susan on September 20, 2011 at 6:17 am

    RE: 100: GingerSky says:

    “women want & need to be LOVED, and that men don’t necessarily get that… they think being there for us etc is love… and we need to hear the words.”

    I believe that men need to be admired, respected and trusted… they don’t always get this love thing that we need to hear so often to be happy & connected… so imo some words that may describe “love” better to them are: cherish, support, to be precious to him in a “one & only” way… there are more…

    how does it *feel* when he’s with you… do you feel loved?”

    Yes, I do feel loved by him. He constantly says sweet and affectionate things to me and is affectionate when not seeking sex and is respectful and appreciative. He notices everything I do and wear and is generous with compliments. He also has recently engaged in future planning with me and has used very clear commitment language.

    My father didn’t tell my mother that he loved her. He believed that saying it initially in their courtship was enough and he believed his behavior spoke louder than words. My mother longed to hear the words, but there was no doubt that they loved each other and they were married 56 years. He passed and she is still with us. My father used to say, “Love is not an emotion. Love is a behavior.”

    That being said, he isn’t moving in until I hear those words spoken honestly and frequently.

  164.  #164Senior Lady Vibe on September 20, 2011 at 6:36 am

    Today Sweetie Babe and I have our six month anniversary. (I continue to make space for him.)

    I hope he’s happy wherever he is but still wants to come look for me… and to stop sending his married friends to check me out… LOL


  165.  #165Senior Lady Vibe on September 20, 2011 at 6:47 am

    In honor of “September birthday” I bought fragrance sachets for dresser drawers and closet. I also got two for luggage to set my intention for “mini-retirement” travel next year…that felt so yummy… <== feeling message? hmm dunno..

    Anyway, when I awoke this morning everything smelled wonderful. There *is* big connection bwtween "smell" and feel.

    Did anyone here ever smell something and then "feel" transported to another time and place, perhaps a joyful time as a child? Love it!


  166.  #166Lyka on September 20, 2011 at 7:07 am

    SLV, that’s awesome! 🙂 Happy Anniversary!

  167.  #167Emoticon on September 20, 2011 at 7:08 am

    SLV when is your birthday? Did it already go by?

  168.  #168Lyka on September 20, 2011 at 7:11 am

    And you just made me think that F and I have also been together for six months! Sweet!

  169.  #169tinque on September 20, 2011 at 7:15 am

    Ariadne – “Does anybody out there have this with “real” commitment.”

    Yes this is what I have.

    In my case nothing was really ever discussed. It just was. It was a deep and innate understanding. It’s only later, much later that it’s come up in passing, eg. “I’m not going anywhere” or “I don’t care where we live as long as you are there with me forever.”

    We have been planning to buy a house together, but that won’t happen until we find a city we want to stay in for a longer time than a year or two. I have the gorgeous ring, but that isn’t commitment to me either.

    Like I said, for us it’s a deep knowing. There is just no question that either one of us would stray.

    If we end up in a state where we can register as common law partners or domestic partners, we will but only to simplify legalities.

    I don’t know if this helps at all. My best suggestion is to ask yourself what commitment would look like for you. What elements would you want/need to feel as I do?


  170.  #170Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 7:20 am

    God Morning Sirens! You are my first “Experiment” of the day! I am giving you the 5 second smile. Can you tell…and better yet, how am I doing? LOLZ!! Xo A

  171.  #171tinque on September 20, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Ariadne – Another suggestion, please don’t get too hung up on the words. Not all men, in fact a great many men don’t have many words, and the words they do have may not look anything like the words we’re looking for. SO we miss them.

    K didn’t say he loved me for three years, yet it was blatantly clear he did. Even a blind person could see it. I had to readjust my listening skills, her the words without words.

    Even now he doesn’t say those words very often, rarely in fact, yet he tells me he loves and adores me each and every day, many, many times a day.

    It’s in his eyes, his touch, what he does for me, how he looks out for me and after me.


  172.  #172Ella on September 20, 2011 at 7:32 am


    Feeling cross.

    I just saw on FB that J has got his job back cus he shared it with a freind of his… but he didn’t contact me to tell me.

    I know, I know, we r not supposed to have expectations! And I don’t really. Just feel sad.

    It would have felt great if he had contacted me, he knows I felt sad for him when he told me he lost it cus he came to my house straight after…

    I feel angry.

    Silly I know, I guess I just wish he would step up and if I was the man I would defnitely lean forward and share that news and he doesn’t.

    Oh, I am annoying myself.

    Stupid FB.

    I am going to stop looking at the profiles of guys I like, although taking them off my FB is not really an option I want to consider atm.

    It would feel healthier not to view their profiles, and it only seems to trigger me so I am doing it to myself.

    I am struggling a bit at the moment cus I am thinking about his friend who danced with me and then kissed me… at the party, when J wasn’t around, and bearing in mind that I hadn’t seen J for a couple of months b4 the party…

    And yet I am feeling guilty and ‘bad’ again because I danced with his friend and allowed him to kiss me.

    How would I feel if J kissed one of my friends?

    I would be F-ing FURIOUS.

    Hmmm, I feel confused.

    Cus on the other hand our Grandmothers could dance with (and kiss) as many men as they liked and no one would blink an eye until they were married.

    But if J kissed one of my friends and had some kind of flirtation with my sister (if I had one) I might label him as ‘bad’ … and yet I still don’t think it would kill off attraction … ??

    Hmmm I don’t know.

    If he was all over my friends it would put me off.

    Or would it? Probably…

    And that is not how it is with me… these guys approach me.

    Arghhh I feel so confused.

    Ok, safe to say I am getting caught up in a maze of thoughts here…

    So how do I feel.

    Well I feel period painy, and oh, I feel dehydrated.

    The other stuff I don’t know.

    Guess I feel triggered by having so many men who know each other come at me, and from allowing J’s friend to kiss me, and mostly it feels confusing BECAUSE J is not stepping up and coming at me!

    Aha, that is interesting.

    Cus if he was stepping up there would be no room for doubt, or for other people.

    Aha, now we are maybe getting somewhere.

    So I feel sad and icky and uncertain bc he is not stepping up.

    And also old familiar stuff about being labelled and worrying what people will think of me.

    And that feels like big sigh and painy abdomen and tense shoulders.

    Ah sigh. I love my feelings.

    I love feeling uncertain and frustrated. And ticky and icky and unsure.

    Woohoo weee I love feeling uncertain and unsure and grabby and wanty.

    Love me.

  173.  #173Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 7:42 am

    Tinque! Oops! This my second try at replying to you Tinque! Thank you for responding. What you have with your K is beautiful! His feelings through his actions speak volumes about what he feels for you. I am a verbal person and I like hearing it sometimes. I once heard that the organ of Love is the ear. It makes me feel chills. I like that. xo A

  174.  #174Ella on September 20, 2011 at 7:55 am

    WAAAAAA – Don’t offer me F-ing crumbs u Wa wa blah men!


    I don’t need no crumbs… I am a Godess.

    Still like your bows and arrows though… however am feeling a bit like next time one of my flaky CDs leaves it a month or two, or even a couple of weeks to contact me I am not sure how I will feel about having another date.

    I am not sure how I feel about giving them my time!

    I might feel better reserving my time for men who step up consistently!

    I might just start saying ‘No’ to these kind of offers.

    They don’t feel so good.

    Often when I have said no to things in the past the next thing that has happened is I have moved on and the men have improved and its no longer an issue.

    Almost like the Universe has to see me being willing to move on without that man who is offering me less than before the space is there to bring the next men who CAN offer those goodies.

    I don’t know just exploring here.

    I am not making a firm decision however I am veering towards I may be too busy to give men my time unless they are more consistent.

    Re landscape gardener Guy, if he does show back up I have already decided I will thank him and say no. I already told him consistency feels good and now I am feeling bored and turned off with his lack of consistency.


    And with J I have been feeling quite reflective. Like thinking back over some of the conversations from the weekend and seeing places where I could have stood up for myself and said ‘that feels bad’ or ‘oh when you said that it felt …. ‘


    i love practicing.


    And if when he comes back again who knows how I will feel. I am not going to force myself either way but if it gets to a point that I am saying the same thing again and again and it is still happening I may choose to move away from him.

    However sad I might feel.

    Cus what I want is more imprtant and I love me and I am willing to establish and back up my boundaries.

    Ladies does anyone know if Rori talks at all about boundaries as regards to men flowing in and out of our lives?

    I mean I know she says they are like rivers, but should we just ket them come and go as often as they like?

    I know we can stay in the moment and respond in FMs, so anger if I feel anger, which is what I am feeling with J right now.

    So if he were to show up after a while I could say I was feeling angry cus I missed him and it felt sad being away from him, and that patchy contact feels bad.

    And if that is all I ever get and it does feel bad I wonder where to draw the line.

    Because if it was a man I didn’t like I may not care one bit if he kept coming and going…. I might even allow it cus I didn’t care.

    Although I am sure I would draw the line somewhere cus it would feel pointless

  175.  #175Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Ella I have seen Rori advise someone to to give herself a month with a man to see what he does. Then if he doesn’t step up to move on. You keep saying you are a Goddess and I keep thinking “I wish you would believe it”. I believe he would be more attracted to you if you cut him loose. I remember CCarter saying “radically reject bad behavior”. Though this is not bad behavior I believe J is doing what he wants and showing you the type of relationship he wants with you but you are obviously wanting more though for some reason I kind of remember you saying you told him you don’t want a relationship. Am I remembering right? If that is the case it seems you are the one creating drama for yourself by wanting stuff from him.

  176.  #176Kayer on September 20, 2011 at 8:52 am

    I have been reading this blog the last 2 months after a guy I was dating, decided that it was best we not talk for a while. I do know this guy loves and cares for me but he says that he cannot give me what I want which is an exclusive relationship, even though he at the time or last 6 months dating anyone else, he is a full time single dad, but that was and has not been an excuse in our dating life. We had the characteristics of a relationship, met each other’s family and allowed him to plan our dates, I gave him the space to step up and take the lead. I was the best me here and its done

    I sent him a text two weeks ago about a project I worked on, shared with him how proud I was of me. Then his response was **crickets**. I sat back and thought to myself ans then shared(bad move) I text to him “(my nickname for him) you are in love with me and this is why he is creating space” I then said I know exactly when it happend, but will save that for another time. He responded a couple hours later congratulating me on my project..I never responded to his text, which was huge for me and the growing pains are real. That was 2 weeks ago but it feels like 2months and our break up was beginning of August which will feels like an enternity..I am afraid I have lost him..but I wont’ run after him..i dont’ have the energy

    I did purchase the ebook but I felt like I purchased it too late and although things with this guy have been great up until now, but I realize I have enough love for me to not date him for 6 more months without a commitment. He used all the classic excuses for no marriage for him, I did not entertain them just told him they are excuses, but I regret not being more mean with my words to hurt him, the way I felt.

    I would love help and to understand how to focus on how to heal from this, its real for me because I committed the sin, being exlusive based on actions and not on his words.

  177.  #177Lyka on September 20, 2011 at 9:01 am

    The secret to happiness? Live a ‘good enough’ life

    Here’s some counterintuitive news. You should aim for The Good Enough Life.

    Oh, I know. It sounds pathetic, defeated: the goal of someone who lacks high standards and a good work ethic, someone who is willing to settle for mediocrity. Not a doer; a pessimistic loser.

    Well, happiness experts say satisfaction is largely a matter of expectations. Expectations can sink you. You always thought you would live in a nice house with a double-car garage, have a couple of lovely children, an influential, well-paid job, a devoted spouse and savings in your bank account.

    And when you don’t? Yeah, help yourself to a slice of misery pie.

    On the other hand, when you don’t expect much, when you manage the ideas of what you think your life should be, you can be pleasantly surprised – and grateful – for the good fortune that comes your way.

    The trouble is, that attitude doesn’t fit with society’s prevailing imperatives. There’s a fundamental tension at play in how we’re encouraged to think about our lives. We’re exhorted to achieve our dreams and never give up, to think positive, and yet the resulting expectations – some unrealistically high – can make us dissatisfied, even depressed.

    Go ahead, start by blaming your parents. “Have you ever heard a parent say ‘I only want what’s good enough for my children?’ ” offers Barry Schwartz, a professor of social theory at Swarthmore College in Pennsylvania and author of The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less.

    “You can’t even get that sentence out, can you?” he says, laughing. “Whatever standards we have for ourselves, they’re not true for our children. We create people who are perfectionist because they observe us trying to provide the very best, showing us day after day that good enough is just not good enough for our precious jewels. And when the time comes to make their own decisions, children adopt the same standards.”

    The idea that realistic parenting might yield happier, more well-adjusted adults is also at the heart of Alina Tugend’s new book, Better By Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong. She identifies a similar tension in the conflicted messages that mistakes should be avoided (and even punished) even though they’re our greatest teachers.

    “There are no simple fixes but there are ways all of us can shift our thinking about mistakes, starting with our children,” she writes. “We can emphasize effort and de-emphasize results. We can appreciate that we – and they – can’t be perfect, nor is it a goal we should aim for.”

    Apart from the influence of parents, Prof. Schwartz also fingers the culture of abundant choice. Everything about modern Western life encourages a pursuit of “the best,” he says, adding that “every time a company comes out with a new product they’re trying to convince you it’s the best so you will throw out the old one. This notion of best so suffuses the culture that you almost look like a shirker if you go through life trying to live the good enough life.”

    The solution is not about lowering standards, he says. It’s about adjusting the way we think. “High standards are very different from wanting or expecting the best all the time,” he says.

    And the same is true for how we should think about our personal accomplishments. “Having very high standards of achievement – working hard, persevering, not being satisfied with what is merely acceptable – no doubt spurs people to achieve things that they would otherwise not achieve,” Prof. Schwartz says. “But there’s a crucial difference between shooting for perfection, realizing you can’t achieve it and yet still being satisfied with your accomplishments and shooting for perfection, thinking you can and should achieve it and thereby living a life of misery and perpetual disappointment.”

    What’s required for a contented life is a personal investigation into what matters most. “It’s having to figure out what is worth pursuing. If you have high standards, you need to say ‘this is what’s important to me,’ in a job, in a college, in a relationship, in a house or whatever. It takes more reflection than simply allowing externally imposed ideals dictate what you should want.”

    Of course, increasing age can make a person adjust the sails on her ship of expectations. Who among us mid-lifers hasn’t had to weather the knocks of life and realize that sometimes just being healthy, solvent and connected to good friends is more important than the big job you lost, the marriage that failed or the house you had to sell?

    “It’s about how you redefine what is excellence,” observes Dominique Browning, author of Slow Love: How I Lost My Job, Put on my Pajamas and Found Happiness. The former editor of House & Garden lost her job when the magazine folded in 2007 and found herself reeling from a number of changes. Her two sons had left home. Her post-divorce relationship of 10 years ended. She sold her “forever” house and downsized to Rhode Island. A high-achiever, accustomed to the kind of success people could see from the outside – a limo lift to a high-powered job, a house in New York, a social life among the media elite – she was suddenly adrift, caught in a “feeling of loss and disintegration.”

    But one step at a time, she built a new life – freelancing, working in her garden and enjoying the beauty of each day – that didn’t have all the external markers of fulfilled expectations that she once had. “It’s about making a distinction between structure and values,” the now-55-year-old explains on the phone from Rhode Island. “My values remain the same. You can still keep your values even if you lose the structure, which can look like failure to others. I want to do the best that I can do. I care about meaningful work. I want to work with people I admire. I want to grow and I want to overcome fear.

    “That’s how I would define my good enough life. That’s not defeatist. It’s the best life for me.”


    Sarah Hampson, Globe and Mail

  178.  #178Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 9:09 am

    About this: He Owes me an explanation.

    He owes you nothing. Nothing. His job is to do what he does. Your job is to see if what he does is what you want.

    What he needs to demonstrate in some way is his ability to do relationship – in other words – does he care for you more than he cares about his “comfort zone.” Is he willing to feel embarrassed and frightened in order to make you happy and keep the relationship going.

    This is what he’s struggling with – pretty profound. And your job is to let him be.

    He WILL call or text eventually, and it’ll be something innocuous like “how ya doin?”

    Prepare yourself with some scripts sharing exactly how you feel – the good stuff (the weather, your work, your kids…real poetry here…) and the uncomfortableness and frustration and loneliness of being without him, and that it would feel great to go through things on your side and his side as a team – together.

    Ask for nothing – express your feelings and dreams, and that’s it. You can ask him what he thinks – and that’s it.

    Love, Rori

  179.  #179Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Confused – back to Circular Dating. NO MAN GETS YOU all to himself without the ring. He gets your love, gets your warmth, gets everything but exclusive rights to you. Second option would be – you give the no girlfriend speech, then agree to a one month (tops) exclusive period and see how it goes – to “honor” his wishes. If no ring shows up – you can extend it a month or two – but make sure you have a timeline for yourself – and then just revert back to dating to “give him all the time he needs” without compromising your feeling of safety and ability to care for yourself by Circular Dating. And while you’re exclusive, you Circular Date without actual dating. Love, Rori

    Friday, 28 January 2011 @ 9:48am

  180.  #180Ella on September 20, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Feminine Woman,

    I do believe that I am a Goddess, most of the time… and I say it regularly to remind myself 🙂

    With J I did once say I didn’t want a relationship but that was supposed to be the No g,friend speech, except it came out all scrambled cus I was not feeling Rockstar at the time.

    I’ve cut him loose once before, and he came back, and yet he is one who is more tricky for me.

    I am getting there with speaking up for myself so am starting to reject bad feeling behaviour more and more.

    Yeah, cut him loose sounds good. And feels scary and I’ll do it anyway.

    Do you think I should readically reject if he comes back again like ‘I don’t want a now and then relationship’ or something like that.

    I don’t know, I mean I like the idea of no closure, cus then theoretically a man would have the opportunity to come back at a later date when and if he got his act together, to step up, and only I suppose if he knows what we won’t accept.

    I think it is maybe something about being stronger when he comes back with what I don’t want…


    Maybe it is time for a new round of men…


  181.  #181Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Hi Kayer. CDating will help to lift your vibe and start the healing process. He might just come back

  182.  #182Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Susanne – Ever heard of wanting to keep something you also won’t commit to having? That’s how most men are. So what if he gets pissed? Let him. You do what’s right for you. Whatever you do that’s right for HIM (as YOU see it, as he SAYS it) will get you NOWHERE. it’s important that you work on the Modern Siren tools so you stay warm, open, vulnerable, soft while you’re CDing. If you get hard and cold – it won’t give you what you want. Love, Rori

  183.  #183Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 9:21 am

    I know you WANT to – but this needing to talk and explain, an follow up is how we women block out love for ourselves. Love, Rori

  184.  #184tinque on September 20, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Ariadne – I understand this, really I do. I love hearing words too, and they don’t necessarily have to be “I love you”. They be variations on this or being called sexy or beautiful or anything that feels good to me.

    My point was to not write someone off because they may be more meager in the verbal department than you would prefer.

    Know too that the more you can accept this possibility in a man, the possibility that he is not as verbal as you would want, the more likely you are to get the words you want.

    This comes back to being open to all types of men, even the ones you THINK are not your type. For we are drawn to the familiar, even if that familiar hurts. It is familiar, and there is comfort in this.

    Staying as open as possible and in awe can bring you some delightful surprises.


  185.  #185Ella on September 20, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Hmmm, I did share how I was feeling with J… about general stuff and also how it felt to feel sad and lonely missing him…

    And I just wonder how many times I will keep expressing and yet accepting something which is not quite what I want.

    Rori said he could be a fling for me…

    He can.

    Or not.

    I might say something like ‘Hey you know what it would feel really good to do something’ when he contacts and put in a boundary about ‘no back to mine after meeting at social events, instead proper dates’. And if he sets a date and then goes flaky and doesn’t follow through I could say something like ‘I feel really bored and turned off’ if I do, or ‘I feel angry’ or whatever.

    This is a re-occuring boundary for me… that I have been exploring.

    I have this boundary with everyone except him now.

    Maybe it is time for stronger boundaries.

    Firm boundaries and treat tham all equally.

    Its harder isn’t it when we feel so attracted to someone!

  186.  #186Kayla on September 20, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Heyy Sirens (: soo as I was telling you on the other post, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument the other night… Well after he left, I didn’t chase him… I just let him go. Well after about two hours he called me and apologized to me, he said that he was sorry and he did not want me to be mad at him at all. . He said he wants me to feel like I can be myself around him. And then he typed me on facebook and he said this ” Hey baby, I just wanted to let you know, really right now you are the best thing in my life. I really do care for you baby, I love when I see you smile. I love being around you even if we aren’t doing anything.. Just remember that okay. Goodnight baby sweetdreams.” This made me feel butterflies in my tummy (: I felt soo happy after that, I felt loved and needed… He hasn’t told me that he loves me yet, but I don’t feel the need to rush into that, as long as I feel loved by him.. Which I do(:

  187.  #187Ella on September 20, 2011 at 9:33 am


    Excellent 🙂

    V cool. It can also feel great to express positive emotions and when we feel appreciative that they are doing something right.

    Like ‘aw it felt so good to get that message on my FB! :-)’


  188.  #188Ella on September 20, 2011 at 9:50 am

    K I’m going to be all strong in my boundaries now.

    And my own confidence.

    Things are phasing me less and less.

    I have to say I have felt pleased with how I have been handling things with men atm… and even/esp the ones I find challenging!

  189.  #189English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Wow have converted my gf to RR!!!! You remember she wrote me that letter as she had fallen out with her bf because of their different desires (she wants marriage), well I copied and pasted a lot of relevant stuff to her and she has read it all (I told her to sign up for the newsletter too), she said she feel soooo much better, has gone away for a few days to regroup and feels much more confident in herself since reading all the stuff!!

    GO RORI RAYE!! You have just made a lady who was feeling really bad into somebody who can see that “he” is not the only one. 🙂

  190.  #190nikita on September 20, 2011 at 9:58 am

    what to do if we were assholes? and name called…a guy…that we really want to….. be intimate with…?
    he was so sweet but i got soooooooooooo angry when he canceled the date that i ignored him for a week and was a bitch…..and now he is saying…”if ur not satisfied…then…..”


  191.  #191Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Nikita I have never seen anyone here being an a..hole

  192.  #192AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 10:32 am

    Kayla @186 that is sooo romantic and amazing thanks for sharing. That man is melting with you, he loves everything about you it made me get goosebumps!! That is a keeper!!

  193.  #193Daria on September 20, 2011 at 10:41 am

    weee i just met my Romanian CD and it felt fun!

    and what was CRAZYYY was that first a guy came up to me and he’s like yes its me.. and we walked off and he’s like, is that how you’re dressed for work and im like what work?

    and he’s like… wait what’s your name and im like Daria… and he’s like oh my god im sorry its not you hahahaha

    omg and he was SO handsome … well not my type but really handsome in a Brad pitt way


    and then i felt so embarassed!!! what are the CHANCES OF THAT!!!

    and when my guy came up he’s like… oh you’re lucky i didn’t steal her

    and then his girl showed up we saw her in the distance

    and it felt pretty good wiht my CD too he was a good guy

    and guys were noticing me today and i felt GREAT!!

    this cute skirt i have really really makes me look great

    and my tummy is all much flat now

    well u know i look great anyway

    and i went before to the salon and got my Cookah groomed and i feel excited to see what it looks like now lol


    and my Cd took em to the mall where i wanted this sweater and i got it

    and he kept wanting more time w me but i said no

    and he kissed me at the end
    it actually felt nice

    he’s actually a good kisser


  194.  #194Daria on September 20, 2011 at 10:42 am

    i felt more confident and more able to feel open to other men with a man with me! yay!

    built up my confidence here

    today i felt special here too

  195.  #195Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Men crave praise and admiration more than anything else.

    I can’t emphasis this enough. Men are powerless to resist the woman who truly and wholeheartedly shows her admiration for him and what he does.

    Now before I go further, let me tell you what this doesn’t mean. It isn’t as simple as just saying nice things to him. There is much more to it than that. Here are 3 key
    ingredients for making him powerless to resist you.

    1) You must be a woman worthy of his admiration. I’m not talking about being perfect,
    but you must demonstrate value. Does he feel lucky to have you in his life? Are you
    willing to disagree with him when he’s wrong and not back down? You are the one who determines your value, not him. If you’re not doing these things, then he won’t take your compliments very seriously. You need to be a woman he admires so that your praise means a great deal to him.

    2) You must understand what he likes about himself. Do you know how he sees himself?
    Does he think he’s a good athlete or a wonderful businessman? This is critical because these qualities mean a lot to him. Praising him for something he values makes him feel that you truly understand him. Praising him for things you like alone will have little

    3) Don’t keep your thoughts to yourself. When you see him doing something you admire, speak up. You don’t have to pretend you admire something about him that you really don’t. Instead, don’t hold back when he does something impressive. Let him know how amazing he is!
    He may try and minimize your compliment and if he does I want you to do the same thing I do with a client when they try and deflect a compliment:

    I look them directly in the eyes and say, “I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. You can dismiss what I said all you want but I’m right about this. You really are _________________(fill in blank with whatever you admire). ”

    Here’s why it works. Deep down he’s hoping you really mean it. He’s just afraid to trust it. When you follow up with the statement I’ve suggested he won’t just hear it…he’ll feel it. At that moment you will stand out from every other woman he’s ever met because
    you’ve given him the type of praise he secretly craves.

    Bob Grant

  196.  #196nikita on September 20, 2011 at 10:48 am


    You haven’t seen me ….

    I can be a total asshole when the mood strikes

  197.  #197nikita on September 20, 2011 at 10:52 am

    I did not use feeling messages with him….I hadn’t had coffee yet and boy am i cranky in the am…I was also hungover…and it is so rare that i drink…I really am a c*nt when I’m hungover

  198.  #198Daria on September 20, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Nikita – how about… apologizing for being disrespectful and saying that i feel really attracted to him

    also holding on energetically to a man cuz i want him doesn’t seem to work well for me

    if i want sex i gotta find some way to feel pleased so are there other lovers or phone sex lovers or just me loving myself somehow… soemthing to satisfy… then the new or yummy ones come forward too

  199.  #199Susan on September 20, 2011 at 11:07 am

    RE: 190: nikita

    Perhaps an apology is in order? He may or may not accept your apology but I doubt he would want to move forward without one.

  200.  #200tinque on September 20, 2011 at 11:08 am

    So Nikita, can you forgive yourself? Let it go? It’s okay to apologize. Once. And then let it go.


  201.  #201alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 11:10 am

    #151 EW babysteps xoxo

  202.  #202AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 11:14 am


    Amazing:how r u today?

    aviators_99:not as horny as i was last nite

    Amazing:lol that is good cause blue balls sucks


    aviators_99:yea and mine are big so you can see them from a mile

    Amazing:ewwww, u nasty butt

    aviators_99:well they get shorter when something else gets bigger

    aviators_99:thats how it works

    KristAmazing:that is a normal response thanks for the info


    Amazing:what are u up to today lil pervert. at work.?.

    aviators_99:not a pervert yet

    aviators_99:but i could pretend to be one thanks well go ahead if u want me to show u my famous disappearing

    Amazing:its one of a kind..just playing


    Amazing:so what is this symbol on ur im?

    aviators_99:its a falcon from thailand

    aviators_99:like a bold eagle

    Amazing:oh ok thats cool

    aviators_99:bald eagle sorry

    Amazing:was thinkin u just like making up words

    Amazing:Well being your balls are so big I am wondering when you were going to ask for my


    aviators_99:are you gonna take care of them?

    ….Ok this was on OK CUPID HENSE WHY I HATE INTERNET DATING ANYMORE!@!! I mean we had great talk last night and what a waste yeah it was practice but my time is too precious to be wasted on deuccchhheee bags like this! I couldnt copy the rest of this chat but in a nutshell I was trying to be open and flirt and make jokes after I told him no i wouldnt take care of his nasty balllsss he then asked if I am opposed to having sex on first date or messing around. I then said yes I am opposed to it and that I want something more in my life right now and was not looking for just some hook up. Flirty convo was all gravy but it ended quick when i statewd my feelings. I told him I did not feel good and it made me uneasy that this would be a priority to him or expected. He signed off and I was laughing not sad obvious because that is so unattractyive.. DICCCKKK is a dime a dozen a good man is hard to find. Keep it movin..yuck I need a shower now…mannn!@!

  203.  #203Daria on September 20, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Amazing – but.. but.. reading that it seemed like you ENJOYED IT! i mean, it actually seemed that not only were you into it… but you were Leading the conversation half the time…

    so i’m feeling confused…

    if you don’t like it, instead of blaming the man (sorry if this is harsh to you)

    share what you really feel

    him: not as horny as i was last nite

    womanwhofeelsweird: whoa, that feels kinda weird…

  204.  #204AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Daria no not harsh i understand this is something I am working on. I like to be fun and flirt but I was joking and then he got serious then I was like oh no. Yes I should say how I am feeling I told him the part i couldnt copy that it didnt feel good to me to have anything expected or if thst was his priority that i was not looking for that. Well last night we had awesome talk and flirtacious. But it didnt go too far I didnt know he was going to take a serious turn and ask me so abruptly if i was going to take care of his balllsssss ewww yuck. I am still learning on how to express myself with this bad behavior. The way I was tought if u dont like something then say ur peace if need be and walk away. So working on it baby steps but I appreciate ur input as always!

  205.  #205Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    AmazingMe remember guys are visual. If you comment on their physique they will respond because of the vivid imagination. I would drop the comments about the body because they will respond to it and you might give the impression that iis what you are interested in. I have read where this comes across as too forward to them. They apparently can do it because of societal norms but we can’t. Double standard I know but pointless to resist. Seems in their minds we get put in another category when we go there before they lead.

  206.  #206AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    I guess a lot of my problem too is I have encountered a lot of bad experiences with guys online. I mean I would say 85% just looking to get down ur paNTS. Well I am just so fed up with men like that. I just want to meet a nice, respectable man who would respect me too much to consider making that vulgar of statements to me. I mean the fun flirtacious oh I was hornnnyyy and just joking about blue balls I felt well on my side it was just all in fun flirt talk. I guess not! I am just sick of men like that, I am a fun girl love to laugh and have fun. I joke around a lot as my family does and just try to take it lightly. I was not going to write him off but I used feeling messages which didnt go well he signed off without a word. I was glad to find this out now as opposed to later!

  207.  #207Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    RE 204 It was not bad behavior. He was just being a guy.

  208.  #208Susan on September 20, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    RE: 205: Femininewoman says:

    “Seems in their minds we get put in another category when we go there before they lead.”

    I hadn’t thought of that before, but it makes perfect sense!

  209.  #209AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    FW I understand that I guess I just have to watch what I say to get a different outcome. I am trying not to change who I am but it seems a lot of who I am is why I am in this situation! So some reprogramming to a comfort level is in effect. I will be fun and flirty but avoid all the sex talk or speaking aBOUT any body part even as a joke cause it gives the wrong impression. Wow this is not an easy task!

  210.  #210AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    But FW them just “being a guy” is no excuse to me it is like me crying and pouring out my heart to a man or totally being a naggin bioottcchhh and saying I am just “being a girl”. Still does not make it ok, I usually agree with you and its ok to disagree and it helps me learn. I just dont think it is an out to be like that!

  211.  #211Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Rori encourages us to say “I am just a girl”. I believe pouring out your heart is what you want. I recently had someone contact me through the chat and said something that had me feeling teary eyed. I kept on sharing what I was feeling including that. He eventually said “you can make a man feel like he is in love”. He called me immediately after he got the number to check if I was okay.

    One other thing I did not notice much “I feel” in your conversation with him. for instance about the image instead of cool nowadays I say things like “I feel curious about the symbol. I feel intrigued by it or by the detail”. Linking the blue balls and suck together in one sentence I can only imagine how his mind must have been reeling.

  212.  #212Susan on September 20, 2011 at 12:39 pm


    Perhaps saving that kind of banter for face to face conversations would work better? It is so easy to mis-read the intent of texts and emails.

  213.  #213Femininewoman on September 20, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    RE 206 Wow. I can’t say that has happened to me.

  214.  #214Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    I was a very naughty, leaning forward Siren last night. Propositioned and went home with a shy, handsome stranger – who was utterly (and surprisingly) attentive. Probably the most attentive lover I’ve ever had. Damn! Feelin on top of the world, powerful and like a bit of a hussy today. But it was so worth it!

    He’s probably the best CD Candidate I have right now though (successful, stable, gentlemanly, respectful) and alas – I’ve turned him into a sex toy. I met him at the bar where I was at with my 2nd (or maybe 3rd) time around CD – who was being inattentive – but who”s called me twice and texted me multiple times already this morning. The best part is, I feel none of the guilt or shame I would have felt around this in the past. I just feel kinda “blah” about him today. I didn’t feel any guilt last night either, I saw the sexy stranger, was attracted and flirted outrageously with him even though my other guy was there. I didn’t feel vengeful, just bored and like, “whatever” so I took care of me. I always want sex fresh after a bikini wax but the guys in my life seem to drop off the face of the earth that first day (it’s been a pattern for years). I took steps to break that pattern last night and man! Have I been missing out. I knew it! Feeling like the Cheshire Cat today. I like being a naughty Siren!

  215.  #215Susan on September 20, 2011 at 1:13 pm


    I don’t think that was leaning forward so much as ROCKSTAR!

  216.  #216English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    #158 Lara

    Sorry but that feels so negative to read…….like women are lumps of meat here to just satisfy a man. 🙁

  217.  #217English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    #159 Mel

    You have been such an inspiration to me!!

    So today I was off on a 1 day work course in a hotel, dressed a little nice than I would have done because you never know who will be on the same course right 😉 well as it turns out, nobody LOL!! But I still had a good day trying so hard to do the 2 (5!!) second eye contact things, flirting with the men, wore sexy underwear (thanks SLV and Emerson :)) and tried to make more of an effort ya know? Came home to 10 POF replies from interested young ‘uns and old codgers LOL!! And still NADA from long distance man, oh well not hung up on him like I used to be thanks be to God, not when I have all these little fishies nibbling around my bait. 😀

  218.  #218Izzy on September 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    177: Lyka Thanks for sharing, that was really good!

  219.  #219Daria on September 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    i just got a bikini wax today too !! woo hoo!

  220.  #220Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Thanks Susan! It felt very leaning forward when I told him, “you’re kinda cute. I think you should take me home with you.” And then I blushed. Lol! And he caught it. But it felt Rockstar then and it feels Rockstar today! I didn’t even give him my phone number!

  221.  #221English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    #164 SLV

    I like Sweetie, he’s a good ‘un, he sticks around even when the going gets tough. 🙂


  222.  #222Susan on September 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    RE: 220: Sweetpea

    I was VERY rockstar when I was younger. And the evening you described is somewhat similar to how I met the man I was with for 25 years (married for 21 of those years.) Sometimes things just work out.

  223.  #223Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Thanx Siren Sister, I understand and agree with what you are saying. I am truly open to all, as I’ve asked the Universe to send me my perfect mate. Not a perfect man….but the ONE I am supposed to have. I have Faith in this….so I have to check them all out. I believe the ONE for me will say I LOVE YOU. The ALL-IN-ALL knows exactly what I need….and what he needs. Much Love to you. Xo A

  224.  #224Emoticon on September 20, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    So I really felt like leaning forward to one of my CDs (including my ex, he n his gf broke up) but I’m here thinking “why do I wanna lean forward?” And I realized I really don’t wanna lean forward, cuz it doesn’t feel good. So what do I really want? So yes I just want some attention, not from any1 in particular. So I decided to hang with my roomie/bestie this afternoon. Its not really me giving to myself but at least I’m getting some attention w/o having to lean forward.

  225.  #225Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Lara, re: 158 – It feels yucky to think about them that way, doesn’t it? I felt that way about men in the past and it was hell on my relationships. I believe there are men in the world who think like this – and most of us call them “players.” Yet even players have girlfriends lots of times, so if all they’re looking for is their next conquest, why would that be? I don’t know if any of you have access to or listen to Dr. Drew, but his co-host says no man under the age of 30 can be taken seriously because they think as this describes. Maybe that’s true. But I believe all men have a latent drive to settle down and procreate – some of them just ignore it because it’s not “manly.” And I don’t feel too interested in being a chunk of meat – I know that there are few men out there who would turn down an invitation to treat me as a piece of meat, but part of what I love about Rori’s tools, is that it enables men to see past my “chunk of meat” status to seeing me as a woman with feelings and someone they respect too much to treat as such. I believe that stumps even the “player” guys’ sense of conquest and raises me up to a status of someone who can get to that latent “protector” instinct they all possess.

    What do you think?

  226.  #226Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm


    Does having a bikini wax make you feel all clean and sleek and sexy?! It does me! And I was about 4 months overdue! Yuck!!

  227.  #227Lovely on September 20, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    “Ask yourself if he’s half worth you.”

    Is this a Rori tool I don’t know about? What does it mean?

  228.  #228Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Susan – rock on!! Sounds like a wonderful love story!

  229.  #229Daria on September 20, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Sweetpea – kind of, i kinda like myself au naturelle…

    but i noticed i felt shy to show myself in front of new men a bit… (depends on the man … feels kinda strange that it would be different)

    also, since SLV’s adventure yesterday, i remembered that whenever i Am waxed/trimmed i seem to attract more hanky panky action hehe

  230.  #230Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    I feel very confused about TTG (what I called my re-do guy the first time around) coming toward me this morning though – while he was so distant last night. I don’t really know what he wanted. He called me yesterday out of the blue too, and I didn’t really know what he wanted. Then showed up and was distant – growing more distant as the night went on. He lives right across the street from the pub and when I was out smoking, I saw his ex-gf drive to his house. I guess maybe because I didn’t go toward/ didn’t pursue him? I practiced Rori’s “dance tool” -however subconsciously. I backed so far away from him that I switched dance partners. And I guess maybe he sensed that. I was beyond surprised to get a text from him at 10 this morning (I was sleeping – late night 🙂 ). Then he called, and texted again an hour or so later. I woke up and texted him back – then he called again (my phone was on silent – I didn’t her it). Then texted again. I responded, turned on my ringer, and next thing I know, he’s calling again. So I answered, but I still don’t know what he wanted. I like it – even though it’s confusing as all get out.

  231.  #231Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 2:39 pm


    I feel a little surprised to hear you feel kinda shy with some guys when you’re au naturel. That’s so endearing! I’m the opposite – I feel shy when I’m not. For me, I’m Rockstar confident, like a peacock strutting his stuff when I’m waxed – I could almost turn into a flasher, lol! , so it makes sense that I would attract more attention. I wonder why it is that it works that way for you when you don’t have my “flasher, strutter” instinct around it. Interesting, but very cool!

  232.  #232Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    I feel a little embarrassed having acknowledged my “look at my stuff” attitude. I always knew it was there, I guess, just having put it in words, i feel blushing.

  233.  #233Susan on September 20, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    RE: 228: Sweetpea says:

    “Susan – rock on!! Sounds like a wonderful love story!”

    Well… it was… for about 15 years. I stayed the rest of those years because I had a young child to raise and he had a girlfriend. We are divorced now.

  234.  #234Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    I grew up a bit of a tomboy and yet when I get waxed, I feel all girlie. It’s as if I feel like showing the whole world – “look! I’m a girl!” Lol! Femininity is a wonderful, powerful thing. I feel vulnerable, feminine and powerful when I’m waxed. I wonder why that is. Eh – I don’t really care why. Just gonna revel in it!

  235.  #235tinque on September 20, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    yep Ariadne, what I call YOUR brand of knight in shining armor. 🙂

    also K has no trouble saying it now if I ask for a fix, and sometimes he will say it spontaneously, but it’s funny how I’ve come to prefer seeing it in his eyes which light up when he sees me or feeling it in the way he holds me close in the morning when we snuggle or at night when we fall asleep spooning, and so on.

    though yes it does feel incredible when he does voice it.


  236.  #236Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Aww Susan – that doesn’t sound so wonderful! I left my ex-fiance years ago because he had a girlfriend and it was heart-rending. Sorry to hear you went through that.

  237.  #237Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    How many years have you been together? I was married for 30 years….and the sparkle dimmed about 15 years into it. I stayed because of my son. When I get the ONE….I am going to continue with Rori’s advice. I am sooo happy that she addresses this with her advice and tools. I want to make sure the flame is always burning. xo

  238.  #238Ella on September 20, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Amazing re 202

    Hmmm, I felt very uncomfortable reading that conversation!

    Think personally I would have said ‘oh that feels weird’ as soon as he mentioned his balls or whatever and ‘this feels bad, I feel uncomfortable’ if he carried on…

    I don’t know it just felt almost as though you were competing, and your part of the convo seemed almost a little masc energy as you were playfully calling him names… and when you said about isn’t he going to ask for your number.

    I feel worried about coming across as negative, which I am not meaning too, and yet I kninda get the feeling your were holding back and not being authentic with how you were feeling in that exchange?

    If you state how you are feeling often it stops them in their tracks and the whole situation can turn around… If they are worth thier salt they sit up and change their approach.

    If not the conversation will soon come to an end and you will feel good about standing up for yourself.

    Having said this it is often easier said than done.

    I just literally had a conversation with housemate (male) where I felt quite uncomfortable and I didn’t say anything…

    Hmmm, hindsight is a great thing…

    Anyway, just thought I’d share that is how I tend to handle that kind of convo like you had with that dude!


  239.  #239Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    I agree ,Ella! Although that may be a man being a man….who wants to talk about his BALLS????? Very borish…imho! Maybe if he had 3 it would be a different story! LOLZ!!!!! xo

  240.  #240tinque on September 20, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Ariadne – This is my third major relationship, been married twice before, once for five years and the second for 12 1/2. The former started having signs after around three? years, but I was very young, so time is different. The latter I knew within a year, but still I stayed.

    K and I have been together 9 1/2 years, and there’s been no fading of anything whatsoever. Quite the opposite. We continue to fall more deeply in love and intimacy; we continue to feel more closely bonded, and sex just keeps getting better.

    We haven’t reached fifteen years, but unless something rather dramatic happens, it’s difficult imagining things going sour.


  241.  #241Ella on September 20, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    @ Daria

    “womanwhofeelsweird: whoa, that feels kinda weird…”

    Hmmm, wish I had just said that to housemate who came up to my room to talk to me (female housemate not here tonight) and then was telling me all about his sexual exploits with female housemate.

    I did say after a bit ‘Ow that is too much information!’ and he did stop and then we fell in to talking about/running down a mutual friend/aquintence, which felt bad too, and I still didn’t say!

    Still I suppose I noticed.

    Hmmm, sometimes feel so unevolved!

    And think it was mainly cus I was so pleased housemate is finally connecting with me again instead of ignoring me which he has mostly done since he had girlfriend here… not in a romantic way, just in an acknowledging I exist kinda way…

    And I wanted to be open and warm to being friends again, so I totally forgot about expressing.

    And I realise more and more how uncomfortable I often feel talking to male housemate, like it just feels like a whole lot of talking and words and judgements, with very little connection.

    And its so weird because when I do express he often talks over me or leaves… as though trying to avoid any real connection.

    Which is what makes it even harder to express.

    And the things he says are often not really matching with what really seems to be happening. Like he will say he has no feelings for his ex, when it looks very much like he does…

    And today he said he has been with new g,friend for 5 month, when in fact it can only be 3 at most.

    I don’t know, just feel a bit confused and uncomfortable when what is being portrayed feels so far from what is really going on…

    I get how men must feel now when we smile when we are really fuming angry and pretend when we are feeling totally different.

  242.  #242Lyka on September 20, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    I like being waxed too, the pain and ingrown hairs I could do without…:(

  243.  #243Lyka on September 20, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Ella – #241:

    “I get how men must feel now when we smile when we are really fuming angry and pretend when we are feeling totally different.”

    Oh, I used to be so good at that. I hope I’ll never ever come close to doing that anymore.

  244.  #244Ella on September 20, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Hmmm, or maybe I just feel jealous of housemate’s relationship…

    Don’t know.

    Believe I may just be jealous of anyone who has a relationship atm!!

  245.  #245Ella on September 20, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    Sweetpea re 214


    Rockstar! How cool.

    Makes me feel soooo much better about my little episode of kissing J’s friend when he was being inattentive.

    U know what I totally respect that.

    Why not!

    Hmmm, makes me see how we are often too hard on ourselves and judgemental of ourselves.

    But you took care of yourself!

    Feeling in awe right now and wishing I could be a bit more Rockstar sometimes.


  246.  #246alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    i dont want to.

    i dont want to.

    i no longer do things i dont want to do.

    suck my a**

    i am going to keep circular working. i am going to take on other opportunities.

    scr*w u.

    i dont want

    i am a goddess IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE

    i get to decide


    and this FEELS BAD

  247.  #247alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 3:27 pm


    and right now i am deciding to watch a youtube video

    and blog on siren island

    and look for other $$ opportunities

    because I like what i like and i want what i want


    because i love me and

    i am awesome

    and maybe that is what i will tell you if you ask

    why was what i asked to be done not done

    and i will say

    because i am so awesome that i actually had something better i wanted to do

  248.  #248Ella on September 20, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Hmmm noticing I REALLY want to practice my boundary now… of telling a man (and esp J if I can) No, he can’t come back and hang out, I only accept proper dates at the moment.

    Except I don’t foresee a situation where I will need to say this for quite a while as I am not booked to go out anywhere for a good while…

    Humphhhhh, big sigh.

    After a period of full on male attention and CD-ing and then my birthday weekend things have suddenly gone really quiet and dead.

    All my CDs have disappeared at once and seem to have gone to ground.

    Not even any decent Facebook attention or POF action atm.

    My vibe feels ok to me. Not its best ever but sure nothing wrong with it either.

    Guess it is just a time of rest!


    Sure feels quiet though. A bit disconcerting really!

    Still I can use this time to CD me! 🙂

    Funny these phases.

    Do other Sirens experience these lulls and swells?

  249.  #249alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    i want FUN!

    and engagement!

    and $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!
    and appreciation!
    and creativity!

    and easy breezy pace.

    and to be part of

  250.  #250Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    Tinque! It won’t go sour! When it’s really right it’s right. I don’t have ill feelings about my divorce…did in the begining because he had an affair with an aquaintance of mine. They are married now. Life moves forward, not backwards. There were some wonderful times…but the depth of Love wasn’t there that I needed. I learned alot…and it taught me to look at myself and take some of the responsibility too. Life is for learning, and I hope for forgiveness and Loving. It will be much better for me next time around. I have no fear of real inimacy now. I was just 22 when we married, didn’t know what I know now. “The more ripe the Peach, the sweeter the juice.” XO

  251.  #251alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    #240 tinque i feel inspired and moved and happy to read this. xoxo

  252.  #252alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    my last “job” (literally my last JOB)

    was like a bad marriage that lasted for 8 years and i knew after the first month.

    never again

    circular opportunity girl – me

    fly fly free as a bird
    easy come easy go

    easy breezy lifestyle for me me me me

  253.  #253Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Alias Girl
    I like easy breezy….easy peasy too! Its the way to go. Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  254.  #254tinque on September 20, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    alias girl – 🙂


  255.  #255Daria on September 20, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Ella – yes! i experience them!

    somtehing i felt inspired recently by was reading a Rori e-letter where she said

    take care of yourself by doing something NEW

    (not just the same old talk with a gf, get a massage… that’s nice too but…)

    something NEW!

  256.  #256Ella on September 20, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Hmmm, I don’t feel at all Goddessy when I have my period!

    Feeling sore and bloated 🙁

  257.  #257Daria on September 20, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    Sweetpea – i feel more shy when im Not waxed… lately…

    but sometimes i’ve felt totally comfortable about it

    Guywho liked it natural, and that really made me feel even more comfortable with it

    and some other guys ive had liked it like that

    i feel vulnerable and feminine and special with it not waxed (natural)

    with it waxed, i feel a bit more ‘safe’

    now i feel a bit sad

    ive always liked having hair!

    BUT… i used to grow less extensive hair a few years ago than i do now… so … now i feel a bit self conscious

    but i want my guy to accept it and maybe even like it…


    i feel shy showing it… but not to all men… and not at all times… sometimes i feel totally comfortable showing them my bushy hair!

    i thnk its cuz ive started “excusing” it by ‘playing shy’ saying… ‘i’ve got a lotta hair’… that i started actually believing that it matters! when really i was just – in the past – trying to act coy


    i love me!

    i DID show my hairy beautiful nani to watshisname

    Video CD

    AND other cd’s

    and… now that its waxed i do feel more confident and safe… but i miss feeling special and natural and lovely with my hair


    i choose to allow myself to feel good like this too!

    waxed or not im lovely!!
    yay me

  258.  #258Daria on September 20, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Ella – aww really! i so so LOVE having my period!

    omg super magic goddess time!

  259.  #259Ella on September 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Lovely re 227

    I think it means ask yourself whether he is even worthy of you, whether he is even equal to half of you…

    That kind of thing…

    Do you know what I mean?


  260.  #260Ella on September 20, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Daria re 258

    Yeah for me it always just hurts… has done since I was a teenager.

    No matter what I do I get really bad pain. It helps a little bit too eat well and still hurts like heck.

    The only thing that helps is snuggling with a hot water bottle on tummy and I don’t really get to do that cus of working.

    I have tried sending love to my pevic area and womb and can’t seem to soothe this pain.

    So I just take pain killers if I need to work.

  261.  #261alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    #253 Ariadne yes!

  262.  #262alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    ok weird. i feel like my oppotunity leader is connected to me and vice versa.

    almost like two of my exes were.

    like we just kind of know what is going on.

    which is a little uncomfortable!

    he just emailed and we cleared some things up.

    oh heavenly ugh.

  263.  #263alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    #254 yes, tinque. i feel truly inspired.

  264.  #264alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    when i am able to permanently get rid of all leg, underam, and goddess bits hair I WILL

  265.  #265Ella on September 20, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    I like the feeling of being waxed!

    And not the marks and ingrowing hairs after.

  266.  #266Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Okay Sirens….what’s the concensus? Do men actually tell you if they like you waxed or natural? I mean they should be DELIGHTED to be getting a SIREN! Anyways..I don’t have much hair. Maybe I’ll try a wax, but if I do will it come in thicker? Let me know. Xo

  267.  #267Ella on September 20, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Feeling fidgety, uncomfortable and lacking in attention.

    Lol – want to be soothed.

    I like the film ‘Breakfast at Tiffanys’ – that is a soothing film and she is a Siren!

  268.  #268Ella on September 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Tinque re your post about your marriages and relationships…

    Wow, er if you don’t mind me asking – roughly how old are you?

    Its just I had assumed from your pics and video on your website that you were in your late 30’s/early 40’s, and now I am wondering if in fact you are older?


  269.  #269alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    #266 Ariadne i’ve asked different men and have gotten different answers. some say they dont care.

    and ALL followed up with say something to the effect of it doesnt really matter, whatever she wants…

    basically yes just happy to be with siren. lol

  270.  #270FlowerChild77 on September 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    Ella…a fun way to ease some of your period pain…orgasms! I’m serious. I’ve known this since I was a teenager (and that was many moons ago!) It’s the perfect time to pamper yourself 😉

    The contractions help with cramps and the endorphins help in an all-around way. (It’s also a great way to release tension if you can’t fall asleep at night.)

  271.  #271Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Okay another question, Alias Girl. Now that the summer is over, I was thinking of getting my entire body exfoliated. Does anyone know of a good home product, or should I go to a salon? I was shaved when I gave birth to my son years ago. I felt it looked strange, like I was 5 yrs old or something….I couldn’t wait for my hair to come back…more womanly. My hair stylist told me her BF gets waxed…is that common for younger men these days? Can’t imagine what that would look like! Scary to think of it. XO

  272.  #272Ella on September 20, 2011 at 4:49 pm


    Oh that sounds cool,

    except for me, I can’t orgasm yet without a vibrator. And when I use one of those at night I think I get overstimulated, and end up wide awake!


    And plus I wouldn’t feel comfortable to use one when I have my period.

    Maybe something for me to explore though… into orgasming w/o a vibrator (or a man) however I have not got very far with it yet!


  273.  #273alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    Ariadne couldnt you just use a loofah or a skin brush. i LOVE how i feel when i brush my skin. daria had first mentioned it here. i really wish my goddess self would do that for me more often.

    and i would NOT want my boyfriend’s lower area shaved or waxed. trimmed is good. and also i would not want bf messing with his eyebrows. AT ALL.

    and i would like to follow that up with if bf wants to shave or wax lower area i would then be ok with it .

    but NO on the eyebrows. dealbreaker. no.

  274.  #274Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Thanks! I will get a body brush! Loofahs seem too rough looking…like sandpaper! Have you found a superior body lotion that really moisurizes. I’ve tried a few that were so-so. Had to do it too many times during the day. I Love eyebrows too. They frame the eyes beautifully. I am NOT attracted to men who don’t have good brows. That’s just me…and I guess you too.

  275.  #275Lilybelly on September 20, 2011 at 5:09 pm


    Oh yes, El. Lots of peaks and lots and lots of valley’s, Of course, I am not exactly getting “out there” at the moment.

    I am also one of those who is scared to date at this I just haven’t been thinking about it much at all.

  276.  #276alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Ariadne yes and it you brush towards the heart. i guess. i dont know. thats what i read.

    hmmm moisturizerrs i dunno. i am not too dry and just try to get the most natural.

    but in case you missed my earlier goddess tip awhile back


  277.  #277Daria on September 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    Ella – i’ve tried drinking raspberry leaf tea, 3 times a day for 4 days before this last period… the aches were much less than usual… and walking helped me

    also i know this T-tapp exercise called Ladybugs REALLY helps

    everyone is different though, and i’ve never had pain for more than the first day (sometimes that day it felt reallly painful though – not lately)

  278.  #278Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    AG….Yes, I use sulfate free. I have long wavy hair got a Brazilian to straighten it for the summer. They said only sulfate free…it really makes my hair smooth and shiny. It’s Great! Got a Siren tip for you. Use greek yogurt on your face. The acid in it is gentle on your face and takes dead skin away and leaves your complection soft. You apply it so that it covers your entire face. Not thickly…but covered, then you let it dry. I sit in the sunshine to do this….but I guess you could use a blow dryer in winter. I have a friend that works at a high-end salon and they do this. I guess I could do this to my entire body, but it would be a mess sitting around and letting it dry…I’m going to go with the body brush. Xo

  279.  #279Daria on September 20, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    *walking helped me wih the little bit of aches i did have

  280.  #280Daria on September 20, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    yay feels good to see me mentioned!

    would feel nice for me to brush again!

    soon it will be happenign for u dear Daria!

    today i didn’t exercise… or last nite… but i Did have an exciting day, CDing, and shopping, and had some orgasms watching pornos – which i feel excited and embarassed to say so im saying it! and i feel all hot in my face and was gonna go Yoohooo

    i love me

    i feel …. vulnerable? embarassed?? shy

    that feeling

    anyway i love orgasms and i love porn

    the kinda porn *I* like

    and i feel less judgemental or triggered so now it’s way easier to navigate porn while selecting what i do want to see

    i don’t feel att8acked or disgusted by the other porn

    everyone can do what they want!

    although like the *mean porn* kinda feels sad, but i know where they’re coming from since i sometimes hear *mean* voices in my head trying to pleasure myself

    so it’s easier to get off to that

    im guessing past life trauma

    i did past life trauma clearings before and i definitely had stuff like that going on

  281.  #281Daria on September 20, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    but i may never know and i don’t Have to know… no closure!

  282.  #282Ella on September 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Night y’all. xx

  283.  #283Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    Daria….I Love your Riffing. You have taught me a lot. Thanx…Love your posts! Xo A

  284.  #284Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 5:52 pm


    Waxing will not cause your hair to grow in thicker – if anything it will be sparser. So if you don’t have much hair, you may want to consider whether you would like less hair when it does grow back before you go for the wax. For me, I have dark hair, more white hair in my nani than on my head and feel like sasquatch when I’m not waxed. I’m ok with it unwaxed as well, but it just feels sexier to me waxed. Even when I’m not having sex with anyone for long periods of time, I keep it waxed for me.

    Ella – as far as ingrowns – I have less of them waxing than I do shaving. If they’re a problem for you and you want to continie getting waxed, you can buy creams from your wax place to help with the ingrowns. Also, acne cream works well if it becomes a big problem.

  285.  #285Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Thanx Sweetpea…I think I’ll pass on the waxing then. I like what I’ve got. Really didn’t like the look for myself after chilbirth…had a C-section and was shaved. Xo

  286.  #286LILI 41 on September 20, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    When I sold the house I shared with my ex, I spent some of the money to get lazer all over: armpits, woowoo and legs. That’s how I celebrated breaking free from all ties with him.
    But the hair did not all disappear, a lot grew back. I just pull it out with the electrical thingy. But it was still worth it. I can wear a skirt in the summer without even thinking about the hair on my legs. That feels liberating.
    I have super pale white skin and black hair. When I used to shave, my legs would look like they had pepper sprinkled on them.

  287.  #287LILI 41 on September 20, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    I’m feeling really crummy tonight. I keep bouncing from sad to angry. I don’t know what else to do other than cry myself to sleep 🙁
    Can’t wait til tomorrow for zumba class, then Thursday tutoring my friend’s daughter.

  288.  #288Daria on September 20, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Lili – crying is great! i love when i feel like crying! i really try to cry from my whole body and howl if privacy allows

    and always drink lots of water

    after doing this a few times in my life so much of my fear of emotional expression healed for me

  289.  #289Daria on September 20, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    i know you probably aren’t perceiving it that way now…

    but it feels so great to look at crying as something i LOVE now, instead of something that feels awful and terrible and i feel powerless with

    i mean now, when i Cry, i KNOW i am healing… and it’s cause i allow myself to fully cry, instead of stifling it…

    i can feel my body release and heal!

    and… it ends! (before i thought it would never end)

  290.  #290Daria on September 20, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    Thanks Ariadne! that feels awesome to read!

  291.  #291LILI 41 on September 20, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    My brother called to ask if he could come over next weekend with his girlfriend. They will take me to see a hockey game. He will confirm tomorrow. I hope they come, I could really use the company these days.

  292.  #292LILI 41 on September 20, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    Thank you Daria, your words are conforting.

  293.  #293Daria on September 20, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    I jsut talked to VideoCD on the phone… he called me… hehe

    and it felt nice and connected talking to him again!

    and it also felt very sexual .. i started talking about sexual stuff… and he was then leading the sexual talk

    and i felt a lil shy at some points… but it feels fun to have a man that takes the lead sexually! yay

    and i told him that!

    AND i told him i feel concerned that i will feel uncomfortable and exposed when i see him in person taht we’ve talked about sex so much

    and he said exposed is good

    and yes it is!

    an i said uncomfortable not so much

    so he said he won’t talk about sex anymore to me lol

    haha suuuure

    i feel good that im expressing myself!!!

    did I mention i had a live CD today?

    (i know i did)

    AND that accidentaly some other guy thought he was my date since he was meeitng someone the first time

    and the toher guy was SO handsome. not my type handsome but handsome, and i was already thinking about status— and how i’d like my girlfriends to see me with him and they might think he’s cute – lol! that is a remnant of my insecure use other people to validate me days – i still judge my guys on what other women would think, and if they think he’s not attractive/attractive it influences me

    maybe that would be better for me to fully drop – in babysteps

    its just an addiction

    you don’t need it Daria, you don’t! just like you don’t need them to validate your art, writing, singing, clothes…

    loving me!

  294.  #294Daria on September 20, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    Lili – ohhh that’s great! big hugs!

  295.  #295Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Daria…I mean it! Your riffing has helped me so much in understanding FM’s and I am journaling my dreams, daily. I feel you are an awesome Free-Spirited Siren !!! You tell it like it is. I like that! Xo PS and I Love hearing about your Escapades with Romanian Men. I worked for Continental Airlines when I was younger….and the Interpreter was Romanian. She was a Free-Spirit too… Loved her. She was lots of fun to hang around with. She returned to Bucharest and settled there. Xo to you!

  296.  #296LILI 41 on September 20, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    I’m going to try to sleep now. I will go to work early tomorrow. I think I need to focus on work this week.

  297.  #297Daria on September 20, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    why is that important to me in a man … (what will my girlfriends think?)


    cuz i want to WIN

    *I* want to be the cool one!!

    why do i want to be the cool one?

    cuz im NOT the cool one, don’t you remember how i was a total nerd and no one wanted to be my true friend?

    and … i don’t want to feel lonely like i felt then

    terrible oppressive desperate unending feeling loneliness

    i will do anything to avoid it

    but its over see…

    there’s no need to avoid it cuz it Did end!

    BUT… what if i go there again and it just feels errible for a long time… i don’t want to


    i don’t want to feel stuck in it!!!!

    i love me

    i love me even if i feel stuck in prison of loneliness


    i don’t want to feel stuck in prison of lonelinses!!!

    you know, i probably DO already feel stuck there or i wouldn’t even be writing or thinking about this

    what if the way out is teh way i KNOW is out, which is NOT considering what mom would think, or dad, or girlfriends

    i feel like im gonna YUACK just thinking that

    i feel nauseaus

    i love me

    i can do this!


    i intend to do this and heal this

  298.  #298Daria on September 20, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Ariadne – omgosh! thanks! wow ! i feel awed to feel appreciated like this! thank you

    receive daria… recieve…

    babysteps to receiving appreciation/praise in certain areas

    what if i already AM receiving it wonderfully and feeling this *surprised, unsure* feeling is just fine?




  299.  #299Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    I have to say Sweet Dreams, Sirens. Thank you all for sharing with me and coming in to my Life. Maybe see you tomorrow. Xo A

  300.  #300Ariadne on September 20, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    Daria! Always Love and Appreciate YOURSELF! You are who you are. No Mistakes! A Goddess. TRUTH. Xo

  301.  #301AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    Good evening sirens! Ella and all who commented it is appreciated and I try never to take things like they are harsh or negative. Even if it is something I do not typically agree with or even really want to hear I listen and really use it to help me understand the situation myself and how to heal things. I love the sirens here u are all awesome I mean Daria I love how open you are talking about your Nani and hair! Love that! Wish I coiuld have that courage. You know I have brushed that whole im convo under the rug. I have learned some things and already know I leaned forward and have a dirty mind myself. I cant blame him for feeling the way he did. I should of spoke up right away and told him I did not like it. I fueled the fire and couldnt hang with the convo afterwards. I did use feeling messages, I just couldnt copy those I was mad cause I thought u sirens would be proud! Well a learning experience and happy for the healing. I need someone to break something down for me. I have read many many times about how women attract or are attracted to men they dont want or like abused seek abusers. These women dont seek it and would think u were crazy to say otherwise but it is true I know and I am just trying to figure out why. Why do some attract the exact thing they do not want? Why do abused end up being abused again? Why do women that dont like cheaters are attracted to cheaters? Just wondered that whole thing bugs me and I want to know what the rationale is behind it.Thanks XOXOXO

  302.  #302tinque on September 20, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Ariadne – Younger men tend to prefer clean bits because that’s what they are used to seeing since it’s been the “fashion” for awhile.

    I find few men anymore actually prefer au naturelle though there are some still around.

    K tells me he doesn’t care, but if he’s asked to choose, he prefers clean, for it makes tongue massage easier.

    And no waxing does not make the hair grow in thicker, in fact over time it makes it grow in softer and finer.

    Laser is good, but it hurts as badly as waxing (though waxing you do accustom to over time) and it still leave enough strays so that you still have to wax.


  303.  #303tinque on September 20, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Ella – You are my new best friend. muah

    I started young, too young, but still, I am a bit older than what you thought.


  304.  #304AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    So speaking of nani…I have my yearly nani appointment tomorrow ugghhpphhh I hate that they feel your breastttsss and get all in your no no fun but needed i know. I am getting up with sis at 530 am to go to gym lets see how this works out…haha

  305.  #305tinque on September 20, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Ella – In re #273. It takes patience and perseverance. You have accustomed your parts to the toy. For many, many women, when they depend on the toy, other means don’t seem to work. You CAN re-sensitize. It just takes time and lots of loving on yourself. And I mean that in all ways.


  306.  #306Ella on September 20, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Still here,

    Just want to write something…

    Practising on here and making up possible scripts for:

    Scenario 1 – We’ve met in a social setting, its the end of the night and he has asked to come home with me:

    J it always feels good to spend time with you.

    And to be honest after I spend time with you I feel excited and look forward to meeting you for a date.


    And when that date doesn’t happen I tend to feel really disappointed and angry.


    I miss you when you are gone.


    And that doesn’t feel good.

    And I don’t want occasional hook up situations.
    It doesn’t feel good for me.

    And although it would feel great to hang out with you now, in the long run it doesn’t feel so good.

    I feel better with proper dates.

    So I am going to say thank you and no for this evening.

    I will wait until what I really want shows up.


    Thanks J and although it always feels really good to spend time with you, and I miss you, I tend to feel angry and disappointed when I don’t hear from you after we hang out, and we don’t get round to meeting up in between, so I am going to say no thanks for this evening.

    To be honest Real dates and consistency feel so much better to me.



    Scenario 2 – he contacts me vie IM or something and suggests meeting up:

    Hi J,

    It feels great to hear from you..

    He: blah blah blah…

    He: want to meet up this week?

    Me: I feel angry!

    He: why?

    Me: I feel FURIOUS and disappointed when we plan dates and then they don’t happen.

    Me: It doesn’t feel good.


    Him: I know and blah di blah di blah.

    Me: Ok, and I am still feeling angry. It feels good to hear from you and I am going to go now.

    Me: Bye.


    Yep – that feels good.

    I have done this before… with Pubman.

    This is a do-over. Hmmm.

    And imediately I have NVs leaping up and saying ‘you will never see him again!’

    And my answer.

    So what? So what NVs if I never see him again?

    What is more important me or him?

    Me of course.

    And it feels SAD 🙁

    So sad.

    I HATE the thought of not ever seeing people again and losing people (reminds me of my Stepdad dying and that feels like losing control – I can’t control that whereas if I am super nice I can sometimes keep them here even if it means accepting ab8se or bad behaviour – but in truth we know that doesn’t work. I still love you though inner child that is still holding onto that way of being… I am here now. I’ll take it from here. I know a better way and I am big and grown up and strong and I will not abandon you!)

    Ok, So, so what if he goes.

    We are going to speak the truth and then let go.

    And of he goes we can cry and feel sad.

    And we can cry and feel sad anyway.

    And we will be fine.

    We were before. When we did this before.

    Its about us now, we can do this!

    So tell him… thanks and it has felt good spending time with you and actually this is not what I want.

    I care about you and actually I want something more consistent and real so I am going to say no thank you for now.

    Yes Ella – please do this for me!

    We can do it we can.

    Oh, feel hella scared.

    Who would have thought speaking the truth could bring up so much fear and so many issues for me.

    I got you Ella.

    We’ve done it before, we can do it again.

    And then let go and trust.

    Something better WILL come along!

    I promise.

    And I got you anyway so no big deal.

    You can do this!


  307.  #307AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    @307 those are some really good fm’s! Ella I admire your strength, yes it is very sad but you are so right it is you or him and you choose you! It may hurt and be sad when it comes to it but in the long run you will be the one not as heartbroken. This is great keep it up I learn a lot from you, could never keep up with you in Zumba but this i totally understand!..XOXO

  308.  #308AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Ok so I changed my hair look today and love it so much feel super sireny in it. Then I asked my mom and sis if they liked it tonight and they said no. They were not sure of hair color. Kinda made me feel insecure about it now..feels ick and felt so good before. If I am happy with it I should still be ok but I cant help it when they told me that it bugged me…

  309.  #309Ella on September 20, 2011 at 7:04 pm


    Just noticing that Computer guy called me a sl8t the other night when he was angry with me (disguised as kinda half joking).

    I think it was Daria and maybe a few other Sirens who said that how sometimes when we are worrying about being labelled as something, or have it as an NV in our head and consciousness it often gets reflected back to us from the people around us.

    I realise now what I should have done is said ‘I feel FURIOUS’ and got up and left.

    Instead I said ‘that feels bad’

    Its ok I suppose, a babystep but now I feel embarressed that I did not stick up for myself better!


    I know what to do next time.

    just wasn’t expecting that from him!

    And even after that I still tried to apologise to him for the initial thing that triggered him.

    Hmmm, energy exchange all messed up!

    But then I caught myself and left and went and got on with my party.

    So, I guess I am getting there.

    Babystepping all the way 🙂

  310.  #310Ella on September 20, 2011 at 7:05 pm


    Just noticing that Computer guy called me a sl8t the other night when he was angry with me (disguised as kinda half joking).

    I think it was Daria and maybe a few other Sirens who said that how sometimes when we are worrying about being labelled as something, or have it as an NV in our head and consciousness it often gets reflected back to us from the people around us.

    I realise now what I should have done is said ‘I feel FURIOUS’ and got up and left.

    Instead I said ‘that feels bad’

    Its ok I suppose, a babystep but now I feel embarressed that I did not stick up for myself better!


    I know what to do next time.

    just wasn’t expecting that from him!

    And even after that I still tried to apologise to him for the initial thing that triggered him.

    Hmmm, energy exchange all messed up!

    But then I caught myself and left and went and got on with my party.

    So, I guess I am getting there.

    Babystepping all the way 🙂

    I love me and my messy, mistaky, floundering babysteps!

  311.  #311Ella on September 20, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Thanks Amazing Me,

    I just hope my strength stays with me and is there on the day I finally need it, whenever that may be!

    Its really late at night here and I know I really should be sleeping, and yet I often feel a want to stay up and do this ‘work’ here, because it is so crucial to the rest of my life, and as though if I can work on this side of me, the other stuff will just come easier.

    When I was in London I was working all hours, however I don’t think I was so productive as I frequently struggled and had to ake sick time because my emotions were all over the place and I never made time (or knew how) to take care of them!

    And in the end I burnt out.

    So a couple of late nights and a bit of missed work time (I am self employed) in the morning here and there when I feel the pull to work through some stuff here is a small price to pay for taking care of my feelings.

    I am trying to justify to myself staying up so late now, cus I feel a little bit guilty, and in truth this just feels really imprtant,.

    I might go and make a ham sandwich now whilst I begin to chill down them read tilI fall asleep.

  312.  #312alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    #304 tinque yes i thought same age as ella

  313.  #313Ella on September 20, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    AM re 309,

    Sometimes people resist change…

    I know what you mean and I would feel disconcerted by their comments too, and honestly they were probably just used to your old hair!

    Go with your first reaction.

    What I am realising with hair is that it doesn’ really matter WHAT it looks like… it will look good if you feel good in it.

    I feel good with blond, curly hair, so I am sticking with it, although it is not my natural colour.

    Go Siren Sister!


  314.  #314Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    Ella, re: 246 – Thank you! I feel understanding of your feeling badly about kissing J’s friend, but I also think you’re being too hard on yourself. I’ve always been very careful of my reputation. I grew up in a small-ish town as well, so I never had sex with friends of ex-boyfriends and just tried to keep my personal life between guys who didn’t speak to each other. My theory was that if I were to sleep with 5 guys and they were all friends, it would be public knowledge sooner than if I slept with 5 guys who don’t know each other.

    My thoughts at this point are omg, I met TTG there, I went on my first date with MM there and now I take some random stranger home from there. What am I gonna do if they all show up at the same time? And I start to feel panic, but then I think, “what I’m gonna do is -Rock It!”

    The more I practice Rori’s tools, the more I wonder if it even matters – to men at least, and I wonder why it matters to me. Do guys really care about one’s reputation? For instance, TTG’s ex-girlfriend is an ex because she was cheating on him and he “took her back” (his words) -twice. Yet I saw her going to his house last night. I used to worry about that kind of thing a lot, but I’m not going to this time. If it happens, I’ll deal with it like the goddess I am. Chances are – it won’t anyway. But…I may exercise more caution in the future. Or maybe I won’t.

  315.  #315Susan on September 20, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    RE: 267: Ariadne says:

    “Okay Sirens….what’s the concensus? Do men actually tell you if they like you waxed or natural? I mean they should be DELIGHTED to be getting a SIREN! Anyways..I don’t have much hair. Maybe I’ll try a wax, but if I do will it come in thicker? Let me know. Xo”

    Depends on the man. My experience is that younger men are used to the hair free state. My man has requested specifically that I not trim or shave, but that is his personal preference.

  316.  #316Susan on September 20, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    For those of you who like an all over body scrub down, consider going to a Korean Spa. They do Spa days VERY nicely and the one I go to has body scrubbing as well as massage and other wonderful things.

  317.  #317Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Oh! I meant to add – I think our vibe around this is the important thing – if we feel like a sl8t, then it’s more likelyt we’ll be perceived as a sl8t. But…despite my caution I’ve still been called such names by guys I’ve broken up with. I think if a man wants to hurt me and I’ve had sex with him, he’ll use it -and jealous women. They’re probably the only ones really, who ever have called me such names – and probably the only ones who ever will – no matter how I conduct myself. Besides – the barb goes deeper for having made the effort to conduct myself “appropriately.” Phooey on all that. People can believe and say what they want. Someday they’ll figure out that unlike lots of women, I m not sleeping with most of the guys they see me with and if they don’t…c’est la vie.

  318.  #318AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    @318 AMEN SweetPea…U know that is what i noticed too it’s like my hair or even when i feel like i look good I always feel like someone has something to say and or stare. I mean I do not dress like a hooooochie! So we call these people haters they want you to feel bad because the way u look,maybe beautiful or sexy or even sexy in some sweats, because you are getting attention from men and some women. Not talking about my mom or sis but they hate sometimes but hey its family so take it lightly! That is one thing I like to look good even when I am bumming it. I feel sexy in a pair of sweats and a hat. I feel I give a twist with my own style and rock it out. I am not conceited but I actually am happy for me that I can accomplish that feeling in such laid back comfy clothing. Style is a big deal and not everyone may like my style but it makes me feel good and lets people see who I am. Anyways..this is called the GODDESS AFFECT!

  319.  #319AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    I remember when I left my children’s father, I was fatter than ever never did anything with my hair and dressed like I just rolled out of bed and it was not cute. So now 5 years later I make every outfit, uniform or regular clothing, my own style. I always match and accessorize embracing trends. It is just something I like to do for me. So I look at it like my way of making sure no matter what happens even if I am miserable I always look my best if possible.

  320.  #320Mel on September 20, 2011 at 8:54 pm


    I had such a nice spooky date! The weather was fabulous, but just chilly enough that I got cuddled. 🙂 He wrapped his arms around me while we were listening to the ghost stories and he even kissed the top of my head. So sweet!

    By the end of the tour, he was holding my hand as we walked about and he gave me lots of hugs and kisses at the end.

    When I got home, there was a text message for me asking if I would let him know that I got home safely.

    Ahhhhh! Tonight I will have sweet dreams! Or maybe not so sweet… 😉

  321.  #321AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    Aww Mel I am jealous….everybody deserves some love, attention, and some affection…good for you!

  322.  #322Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    AM – Good for you for dressing as you please! Honestly I have a super cute pair of sweats with a subtle flower applique all down one side of the leg. I like to wear them with a t-shirt that has a big rose on the front. I don’t wear them out in public often, but when I do, I feel pretty rocking myself. I agree with yo uthat it’s the underlying confidence that makes a difference, so if you can rock sweats, more power to you! I still like my denim skirt with rhinestones and feel sexier in it than any sweats could eve make me feel I think, but I can’t wear that skirt every day, now can I? 🙂

    I see you here not taking anything personally, but just reflecting on it and asking if it may be true. That truly is amazing – and an apt name you chose for yourself. xo

    Oh – and btw, that style you’re talking about is exactly what my biz is based on – teaching people to find that little je nais se quois that makes them feel great in whatever it is they’re wearing. Which for me, was tough to do in a corporate office, but I found a way to do it, so I’m dedicated to teaching others. I tend to do wild stuff like wear a frilly dress with biker boots and a motorcycle jacket now that I’m no longer in Corporate America. Lots of people would never do something like that, and I don’t try to force them to, but I always get compliments on my outfits. I do ramble on – sorry Sirens – it’s my passion and I’m soooo happy to be able to bring in abundance while doing something I love!

  323.  #323AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 9:13 pm

    Aww SweetPea that felt so good to read, It was so heartfelt..Thank You! You are truly a goddess doing thAT for ur job that is awesome! I mean it comes easily to others like you or myself I wear crazy stuff sometimes but I like to just be different but classy well not always classy but feel great no matter what. Sometimes if i feel like someone is talking badly I just ignore smile and act more sireny but I cant lie it bugs me still but no for long. I would love to do your job lets team is great. You made me feel all good and stuff with the Amazing comment thank you for ur input it means a lot…XOXO

  324.  #324AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    I never mentioned before SweetPea just never took the time but SweetPea is what my dad calls my oldest daughter she is 9 now. She is my heart as all 3 of my kids are but ur name on here is familiar in a good way. There a reason u picked it or??

  325.  #325alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    #312 in my life, when i first found rori her work and this blog were a#1 priority for me. something in me KNEW i had found something that was going to change my life. i was on here ALL THE TIME

    i contributed i rifferd i practiced i read

    sirenns shared experience, ups and downs

    it was like a siren think tank

    and i dont regret one minute

    rori’s work DID change my life 1000% PERCENT for the better

    in my opinion

    then i took a break and obssessed about abraham and again

    never regretted one single minute spent

    i may not be wild success story but if peple knew my interior landscape before and compare it to now

    they would see

    a wild success story


    i vote for no guilt on late nights on the blog!!!!

  326.  #326Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    AM, re: 302 (Ella, this might help you, too) – regarding why women attract what they don’t want – because it’s something that needs healing in them. I used to attract cheaters. I lost my mom when I was young and had major feelings of abandonment, and a man cheating on me just always freakd me the f*#k out. I mean, really freaked me – to the point of my feeling panicky even thinking about it. I held on to those I loved too tightly and I really think I drove them to it. I truly believe we teach people how to treat us.

    For instance, I never cheated in any of my relationships – I jsut didn’t do it. I saw no reason to cause a person I loved that much pain and I theorized that I would break up with them before I would do something as devious and hurtful as to cheat on them. (Wow – lookin gback at this now almost feels like I’m spoeaking of another person, or another lifetime). Anyway, I dated my best friend for 5 years and he had lots of fear around being cheated on because his ex-wife cheated and eventually left him – left the kids and everything so she could be with her boyfriend. And as adamant as I felt about not cheating, I did in the end, cheat on him. I knew things were over between us already and I met a guy who swept me off my feet – and I did the unthinkable. I made the split final with Pete (my best friend) immediately afterward – it was already done – but the guilt I felt around that, in turn caused me to push away the guy who swept me off my feet. Bad situation! Bad! Very hurtful to me.

    Anyway, I’ve gotten to the point, finally, aftee many, many years to where I really don’t care if a guy cheats. I feel no panic around it, I’m at peace with myself. The funny thing is, my friend had my astrology chart read for me and the astrologer brought up the cheating thing. I told her pretty much every guy I’ve gotten serious about has cheated and it used to really upset me but now I just don’t really care and asked if she thought it would be a continuing theme in my life. She told me that once I healed it, it wouldn’t happen to me any longer. How cool is that?!

  327.  #327alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    #279 Ariadne thank you for the goddess tip!!

  328.  #328alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    #287 LILI 41 sprinkled pepper lol

    not lol at you or your legs but at the metaphor

    i feel disappointed to hear laser didnt work. i will keep going back! it will work! plus i am extravagant and rich so i will feel happy to have a place to spend my money and help someone earn.

  329.  #329alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    not “earn”

    nobody needs to “earn” money

    but i will feel happy to be an avenue it could flow to someone else to help someone else be abundant too

  330.  #330alias girl on September 20, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    #288 (((((( LILII41 )))))) hugs

  331.  #331Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    Oh geez! My point about cheating on Pete is that it was so unlike me that I really felt like my cheating on him was a self-defeating prophecy for him. It felt at the time, like he feared it so much that he drove even me, who had never cheated, even afyer being cheated upon repeatedly, to do something completely out of character for me. And I had to ask myself if my fear was in turn, driving my loves to cheat on me whether they were actually just that way or if they did it because I expected them to.

    I’m sure if I had brought it up to him that way he would’ve thought I was trying to ditch responsibility for my own actions and I wasn’t. It was so completely out of character for me that I was numb for a time afterward. And then he asked me to marry him, lol! See? The sl8t thing…is there really anything to it?

  332.  #332Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    AM – aww thanks! Sweetpea is what my dad used to call me when I was growing up – that or Baby Girl. My mom called me Baby Girl as well. I love both endearments so chose to use one of them for my Siren identity.

    Yeah! Let’s team up! I love my work! Just getting started and still working on getting the abundance flowing, but my needs are b ing met and I feel like having my own biz opens me up for more blessings from the universe than a j.o.b. After all, I don’t have to depend on many people deciding to give me a raise – you can either afford me, or you can’t. I’m offering discounts to transsexuals in need though, cuz I feel very compassionate toward them and think working with them would be a reward in and of itself. So those who pay my regular fee, whether they’re aware of it or not, are contributing to my charity of choice. That feels good!

  333.  #333AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Sirens this has been so helpful for me as well. Rori has changed my life, I think about things and read peoples actions and words more than ever. I am more open and less likely to take something personal just try to learn from life’s experience.

  334.  #334AmazingMe on September 20, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    You know if you really listen to the blog and Rori and her advice in her programs you have no choice but to be a siren! Her program works and if you listen it is hard to easily get mad, feel threatned, care about others negative comments. I look at it like the bible of life, just gives you a whole new and positive outlook on life and I love the way it has affected me in my life and the positive feelings that have come from it. I will forever be a siren and be greatful for Rori and this blog with all the siren sisters here!…Be blessed have to head to bed for my 6am workout I keep u posted hopefully I can do this lol..usually I cant even say my name that early should be interesting. Much love to u sirens see u tomorrow! Sweet Dreams and DREAM BIG!!

  335.  #335Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    I feel loving toward my typos and my phone!

  336.  #336Sweetpea on September 20, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    Oh my! Every muscle in my body is satisfyingly achy. It’s be en so long since I had an encounter as intense and satisfying as the one I had last night. I feel scared that I’ll want more, more, more. But I feel excited at the prospect as well. I feel blessed to have had such a satisfactory fling and such an attentive partner. I feel doubly blessed and grateful since I realize I half expected to be treated like a sex object – which under the circumstances would have been not surprising – and instead I ended up with a man who was truly more interested in my pleasure than his own. He let me “use his penis” just like Rori suggests doing and I didn’t even have to ask for it. She does say they enjoy that, and I guess she was right. It felt awkward in a sense though – I wasn’t sure how to act this morning. He walked me to my car which was very endearing and made plans to sing a duet – Tim McGraw’s & Faith Hill’s “It’s Your Love.” Wow! That’s kinda huge! We had talked before I propositioned him about singing it together, but for him to bring it up this morning – I feel in awe, actually. I felt free with him. I felt ok reaching to be held by him and I felt good holding his hand while we were walking to my car. I feel scared that I bonded to him and now I’m going to become addicted! Ahhh!!! Hella thing to become addicted to! 😀

    I’ll be alright. I’m on ly thinking of him b/c my body keeps reminding me. Maybe. I feel like I was worshipped last night and that is a very heady feeling. Addiction could definitely become an issue. I wonder who else I’ll find to worship me that way.

    Gotta get some sleep now! Nitey night Sirens.

  337.  #337English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    #166 SLV

    Oh yes I am right into smells LOL!! One sniff and you are immediately transported into the past. 🙂

    Oh and I ALWAYS spend ages sniffing candles in TK Maxx ha ha!! I have some lovely ones from there, when I am in the mood I will light them and sit and chill.

  338.  #338English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    #179 FW

    Is this from Love Scripts? I have hardly heard anybody talk about them on here? Do you have them?

  339.  #339English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    #207 Amazing Me

    Just wondering what kind of pics you have on FOB?

    Now I know this shouldn’t matter but seemingly if you have lots of cleavage shots or showing lots of skin then apparently men think you are only after “fun”. Seems unfair but as has been said men are visual…….they see boobs, they think s*x!!

  340.  #340English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    Ooops POF not FOB (that’s a term we use at work LOL!)

  341.  #341English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    I am soooo not into waxing especially that Brazilian look, yuck, it is like a pre-pubescent young girl and I am ALL MATURE WOMAN. 😀 Actually if any man said he wanted me to get rid off all my pubic hair I would feel really horrible and icky about him!!

    Though I do a little trim on the bikini line but only if there is a man in my life so it looks a little neater in sexy undies or in the summer if I was to wear a cossie, otherwise I don’t bother……..

  342.  #342English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    #275 Ariadne

    I use Palmer’s body lotions (made in the USA) the one in the blue bottle doesn’t smell the greatest but if you put that on after having a shower or a bath and leave on overnight the next day your skin will feel amazing as it has some kind of exfoliant in it, can’t quite remember now as I have run out and only have the one in the white bottle which smells better but doesn’t have quite the same effect.

    Must put a new bottle on my shopping list, thanks for the reminder. 🙂

  343.  #343English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    #276 Lilybelle

    You too! 🙁

    What is it with us Sirens and our fear??

    Well still at the chat stage with the CD’s and I told 40 year old he was more suited to my daughter (in a jokey way) and he has said don’t give up on my yet, give me your phone number in a very masculine way, and what have I done about it?



  344.  #344English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    #309 Amazing Me

    It’s hard to get to the point where what other people say doesn’t matter, I had the same with my sister she told me I don’t need to lose any more weight and last time I was here my legs and face were too thin!! Now I know I wasn’t too thin in any way, so why did she say that?

    Maybe they (my sis, your mum, your sis) are more comfortable with the old us, not the new look……….

    As long as YOU like it, then that’s what matters….don’t listen to the NV’s.

  345.  #345English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    #321 Mel

    Awwww so sweet, I want a TALL man to kiss the top of my head too LOL!! 🙂

    Keep inspiring me to get out there Siren.

  346.  #346English Woman on September 20, 2011 at 11:54 pm

    Sorry all my posts are one after the other, but I am in a different time zone and unlike Ella I go to bed earlyish and get up early to catch up. 🙂

  347.  #347MovingMagic on September 21, 2011 at 12:09 am

    Hi ladies, I have been keeping up with your blogs for a while now. I come here to remind myself to get out of my “head space”… to dive into, and feel the layers of my heart.
    I recently ended a situation with a man that went on for way too long. I set my boundaries, and then did some walking (away). Though he has contacted me since then I’ve let him know with feeling statements that his actions have hurt me, repeatedly. I’m not looking for what he’s providing. Nina Simones “I Hold No Grudge” comes to mind.

    Though I have some sadness, I have a deeper sense of peace as to who I am, and what I want. In the past it was hard for me to even say “I want a relationship”. Like many of the women here I’ve had my share of emotional trauma, and heartache.
    I moved to NYC by myself to follow a dream, and am making the dreams a reality. The independence, and boy energy needed to get me where I am has been so needed, and useful…but only in it’s rightful place. I suppose you can say that I’m working with trying to balance it out. A sort of “time and place” if you will.

    Since ending things with one fella, so many doors have opened with others. Outside of my career, it’s important for me to do things that add spice to my life. I study dance, teach, and study yoga, have recently started taking karate classes. I love my bicycle, go to drum circles, love literature, and spend time with amazing friends. I am so blessed to be where I’m at.

    I am working with CD’ing…even when I’m not on a “date”. For instance, my karate teacher (also a friend) and I had a fun moment (or 2 0r 3…hehe) over a year ago, and though time has passed, I’m working with shifting the friendship vibe into something a bit more flirty. We’ve had some great relationship talks, which I appreciate.
    I’ve also connected with a fella, who’s a friend of mutual friends. We spent part of last Sunday together, and will be doing the same this Sunday. He’s teaching me how to pole dance of all things!!! Admittedly I felt a little awkward going into the experience. I know him, but I’m not super close to him, and wasn’t sure of his intentions. I felt more comfortable with myself, and the situation as we talked, and played around. He was a total gentleman, and we had some good conversation about our family, and growing up.
    I’m still not sure of his intentions. We’ve had some flirty texts since Sunday…but this is where I often drop the ball. I go into friendship mode, just as things start to open up…especially if I’m really attracted to the man (and both of these men are very attractive) – something in me shuts down. I have been told by more than one man that I’m hard to read.
    What program would you recommend for me?

    I want above all else to feel like a goddess. To be warm, vibrant, and inviting.

  348.  #348Tulip on September 21, 2011 at 2:43 am

    English Woman

    Tulip here! I haven’t been posting much but I’m always following. How do find POF? I want to sign up (well I don’t but I want to CD men and I am floundering) but not sure which site are best in UK.

    I love hearing your experiences of internet dating – making me smile.


  349.  #349Tulip on September 21, 2011 at 2:47 am


    Hello – you sound fantastic! LIke you are really taking care of yourself and enjoying life!

    I can’t advise on programs as I’ve only got one – Toxic Men and possibly not relevant for you at the moment (though there is something valuable in it for everyone)
    I’m sure someone here will help with that though.


  350.  #350Mel on September 21, 2011 at 3:21 am

    English Woman,

    “I want a TALL man to kiss the top of my head too LOL!!”

    My ex was quite tall… a full foot taller than me. I used to quite like tall men. But I’m actually small and short (5″1′) so pretty much ANY guy I date is taller than me.

    It’s funny… all of my CD’s right now are on the shorter side. Some of them, I think, even feel a little self conscious about it. BUT they are all taller than me, so no matter! Some have even said they like that I’m so tiny. I suppose it makes them feel more manly.

    Perhaps sexy sarcastic likes that he CAN kiss my head! I’m guessing he’s like 5″6′ ish. So cute!

  351.  #351Mel on September 21, 2011 at 3:25 am

    English Woman,

    I see you are using POF. Also that you seem to get a lot of youngins and codgers (love that word btw!) contacting you.

    I wonder if you may prefer a payed dating site? I noticed a big difference in the quality and sincerity of men on Match. Not as many hook-up requests. More of them seem to be looking for an actual relationship, or are at least thinking about it. Just a thought….

  352.  #352Mel on September 21, 2011 at 3:29 am

    … that being said…

    I’ve had two “special requests” on Match recently. One guy said he’s be in town from Minnesota for 10 days and wondered if I’d be his “personal tour-guide” and see where that leads.

    Another, a 58 year old plastic surgeon from California, said he has a second home in my city and comes up to visit at various times during the year. He wondered if I could be his go-to lady for his visitations. Sure daddy, but only if you give me a free boob job! lol


  353.  #353Mel on September 21, 2011 at 3:34 am


    I definitely agree on the whole idea of your greatest fears becoming self-fulfilling prophecies. I’ve seen it time and time again in my life.

    I am really starting to believe the our energy has a whole lot of power (for good or ill).

  354.  #354Daria on September 21, 2011 at 3:36 am

    ok so what i dreamed… first part was soemthing like .. i was younger and me and a boy were out in a field and my dad was there… like there was a field behind our house… and we were all naked and we were doing some kinda science experiments… like with beakers and chem lab style i think… and also we could roll up and it was like we were made of clay, and i knew how to make our figurines, it would be us naked, and then another slab of clay would roll on top…

    the second part i was in a house with my mom, and also my godsisters mom, my great aunt, and another lady, actually more ladies, and i think me and my mom got in an argument about something, but then made up some, and we were hugging! and then i was thinking about how it would feel if she were gone and passed away, and not to have that feeling of safety i had when she was hugging me (wild to realize right now i was actually Dreaming this)

    and there was a little boy who made really special art and he was featured on Rori’s blog… so all the psts had flowers and hearts interspersed in themm…

    And sirens were posting their artwork and poems, and it was some amazing stuff

    and we were reading one of a lady in the house we were at and it was kinda sad…

    and there was a celebration also going on in the house

    and then i was in a train station, and some guy was flirting with me, and then i went upstairs where there was a restaurant, and looked out the window and saw him looking for me, and motioned him over,
    and he came up and we sat down at the table

  355.  #355Daria on September 21, 2011 at 3:39 am

    Moving Magic – once you have the book (needed for the basics) – which is a pretty 20$ investement…

    I would definitely go with Modern Siren to get you feeling liek a Goddess!!

  356.  #356Mel on September 21, 2011 at 3:41 am

    Good morning Daria!

  357.  #357Daria on September 21, 2011 at 3:41 am

    English Woman – how about signing in and just giving him your phone number… (he can’t jump at you through the phone… it will just be a conversation 🙂 when he calls )

  358.  #358Daria on September 21, 2011 at 3:42 am

    waiting breeds fear, so lets get to it ladies!!

  359.  #359Daria on September 21, 2011 at 3:42 am

    thank you! and Good evening Mel 🙂 hehe

  360.  #360Mel on September 21, 2011 at 3:45 am

    Oh, that’s right Daria! I forgot you’re overseas at the moment!

    P.S. I practiced your last assignment. All went well!

    What’s my next one?

  361.  #361Daria on September 21, 2011 at 3:45 am

    and you Do want to have some cleavage shots, showing some of the top of your boobs

    and no, it doesn’t mean they only think you want ‘fun’

    they will quickly get what a woman wants by her boundaries… so lets get practicing … woosh (darkwing duck voice)

  362.  #362Daria on September 21, 2011 at 3:46 am

    Mel – tell me more on “all went well”

    what feeling messages did you use, and silence, how did you feel?

    were you able to keep that up the whole time?

    what was the man’s behavior like?

  363.  #363Mel on September 21, 2011 at 3:57 am

    Well… for the being silent, normally when there’s an “awkward silence” I would try to fill in the hole with chatter. I’ve been experimenting with just smiling brightly in those silences and/or sometimes just breathing out an audible “hmmmmmmm.” That always seems to go over well.

    For FMs, I expressed my embarrassment about having someone over. I felt vulnerable, but he was so sweet about it.

    I’ve just been trying to say “I feel” about everything. I feel hungry. I feel sleepy. I feel so peaceful and content. That felt so nice! etc.

    Remember when Rusty was talking about the personality types? Sexy sarcastic was asking about mine… apparently I have an “F” quality which translates to “feeling.” His was “T” for thinking, so he was asking me about that. He said he feels captivated by my “feelingness” and can actually see it come through in my personality. Interesting.

  364.  #364Daria on September 21, 2011 at 3:59 am

    Ella – i would tweak the J speech down to cut out some explaining

    “oh it feels so good to be wanted… i noticed… my place feels so casual… i don’t want to hang out with a man without dates and being romanced”

    oh i tweaked that down a few times… 🙂

    what do you think?

  365.  #365Daria on September 21, 2011 at 4:03 am

    Great Mel – awesome about the silences.. how did you feel saying how you felt? did you feel kinda uncomfortable and vulnerable? that’s where you want to be…

    ok now next time… make sure you are physically leaned back, in the chair, or standing up, and relaxing your body, releasing shoulders tummy and nani expanding sideways, breathing… kinda everything moving flowingly relaxed, slowly…

    feel the air touching your arm, your face, like it’s caressing it..

    And continue with the feeling messages… see if you can pause and find a feeling message and speak from your vagina!! a deep interior feeling … something you might feel afraid to share…

    use those…

    and of course still lots of silences..

  366.  #366Daria on September 21, 2011 at 4:03 am

    and melt! melt into your chair, on your bones, like you’re made of honey!

  367.  #367Mel on September 21, 2011 at 4:08 am

    Ooooh, Daria!

    I practiced melting yesterday! It felt soooo nice! When he cuddled me, I just tried to completely relax and melt. I found he came so much closer then. I just tried to really enjoy the moment.

    Now I need to be able to express my enjoyment a little too! Or is it necessary to do so? Is a peaceful sigh a good enough indication to a man that you feel happy?

  368.  #368Mel on September 21, 2011 at 4:12 am

    Also… more cuteness…

    He had asked me earlier in the week if he could have dibs on one of my weekdays and “stake a claim” on my Saturday. I said I’d pencil him in.

    Yesterday he asked if I wouldn’t mind using ink for Saturday. I said sure! I would feel better doing that too!

  369.  #369Daria on September 21, 2011 at 4:18 am

    Ella – also, if he asks you out, it seems kinda – well like it wouldn’t work – to suddenly say i feel furious…

    this is helping me because i have a CD i want to practice this with too…

    you can say, “sure that would feel lovely”

    and don’t make a plan make sure you have lots of other backup plans

    or, “you know, i felt bad agreeing to before and it didn’t happen… i felt kinda unspecial and i don’t want that .. and i feel unsure whether i want to accept another date”

    or even… “thank you, im not accepting dates anymore now without a set time ahead of time”


    you will be great Daria! and Ella!

  370.  #370Daria on September 21, 2011 at 4:20 am

    Mel – wow sounds like a stepping up guy!

    well men love those melty sounds i noticed… but yes you want to get in the habit of expressing what feels good… so add in for practice “this feels so good” “i feel so good being with you” etc.

    Especially!! this is where we want to be, stuff that is at the edge of your comfort zone… experiment with the things you feel kinda scared to say! that’s where the shifts and growth happen

  371.  #371Mel on September 21, 2011 at 4:23 am

    Thanks for the advice Daria!

  372.  #372Daria on September 21, 2011 at 4:29 am

    Mel – sure 🙂

  373.  #373sammie sighs on September 21, 2011 at 4:46 am

    Hi Sirens:-)

    You sound so in control and strong I love reading your posts they make me want to stay positive and change….My relationship has been on and off he even wanted me to get an abortion at one point because he was worried about his kids he didnt see..Anyways we got back together and it was going great he listened he told me he wanted to meet my kids again and step up then my old habits came back and I freaked because my kids have been hurt enough so I did something stupid I looked through his phone when he was asleep and I found a message from an ex in his inbox on fb and it she said that she wanted him to leave cute messages like he does me and show that he still fancies her a little he replied more than a little and that the messages could have been hers if she had stayed and when she asked about me he said I had my “moments… I was devestated he has loads of exs on fb and swears their friends and gets mad if any of my male frineds (none exs) get flirty I even took them off!! Any way I confronted him with it and he said it meant nothing he used to like her. He doesnt get that it makes me feel second best and sad and not loved..We broke up I broke up and decided enough is enough. I do love him still he emailed me today and blamed me then said he loved me so much and that he meant he used to have big crush that it means nothing! Is it me ? do I keep on walking what do I do??

  374.  #374Daria on September 21, 2011 at 4:58 am

    Sammie – big hugs!

    i would never Want to go through a man’s phone, ever again (sure have in the past) … it really violates that person’s trust and boundaries

    so the answer for you would be… first, don’t beat yourself up no matter how much you feel compelled to

    start reading everything Rori has written here, and sign up for the e-letters…

    and especially, get her book (its only $20) to get the basics…

    you will learn about expressing yourself in ways that work to pull a man in (feeling messages)

    and about Circular Dating – how to date to ensure that good men continue coming towards you

    and about focusing on yourself and loving yourself – so that you don’t get to the point of feeling like you need to go through a man’s phone, because you feel so confident and trusting… of Yourself!

    we are here to support you in using Rori’s tools… they work!!

  375.  #375Femininewoman on September 21, 2011 at 5:50 am

    Sammie sighs – Sad story.

    It seems to me that you need to do some work to know that you are enough. I would encourage you to read the Power and Self Esteem category on the blog to the bottom right of your screen. Keep the focus on you to Heal your Heart. I wouldn’t say keep walking I would just lean back and respond to him by expressing how you feel when he contacts you. You were the one who broke up after breaching his trust. If he comes back it might be great to have a fresh start as if on a new page. Try not to get into his business because until he agrees to give you a commitment that you want he owes you nothing.

  376.  #376Femininewoman on September 21, 2011 at 6:03 am

    Moving Magic it also seems you would benefit from the Heart Connection Toolkit.

  377.  #377Lili 41 on September 21, 2011 at 6:07 am

    Re: 374-375

    I have felt the need to look in the phone and his email and fb (I had his password!). I only hurt myself. Why would he give me his pw if he had nothing to hide? Now I know that it was to make me feel jealous into paying more attention to him. The attitude was “if you’re not interested in me, someone else will be.” Bc I was holding back out of fear. In any case, if I feel untrusting, why do I need to prove myself right by searching for evidence? Isn’t the feeling of being suspicious enough and shouldn’t that be addressed first before going to find proof and inducing further damage?
    Now after learning from Rori, when I do get the urge to spy, I would rather explore that urge and that feeling simply, without acting on it. Like ask myself why am I feeling that way? and share the feeling and share what that feeling makes me want to do.

  378.  #378Lili 41 on September 21, 2011 at 6:10 am

    Wow 376 really hits me this morning in a good way. That way of seeing it makes me feel good.

  379.  #379Lili 41 on September 21, 2011 at 6:13 am

    Gotta get to work. This morning my anger has turned into impatience. I feel impatient like “OK, enough already, time to get things done!” I will use that boy energy to get things done at work, hopefully it will be a more productive day than the last.

  380.  #380Daria on September 21, 2011 at 6:22 am

    I feel sad… 🙁

    it’s cuz im hungry!!!

    i just ate my quail eggs and gonna wait 30 min now and then eat something fulfilling


    i love my feelings

    and my body


    thank you daria for doing the wonderful taffy stretches this morning

    thank you for washing the chicken and putting it to boil (felt like washing a newborn – i felt surprised … and moved)

    thank you for giving me lots of water

    thank you for writing about my dream

  381.  #381Daria on September 21, 2011 at 6:25 am

    Lili – i felt sad to read this “Now I know that it was to make me feel jealous into paying more attention to him. ”

    if i believed this well for one thing it is all in his business – and it would block me from creating intimacy

    the truth is i will never actually know what a man is thinking and i don’t need to

    since i am making it up i can choose to make it up something that feels good

  382.  #382Femininewoman on September 21, 2011 at 6:44 am

    Talk about the illusion of security

    There may be many other things you do to attempt to feel safe, but on this planet, safety from loss and harm is an illusion. How, then, can we live a full and vibrant life?

    We can learn from what Helen Keller said: “To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.”

    What allows me to do this each day, is knowing that I am not alone on this challenging journey of life. Over the years I have practiced Inner Bonding, and learned to connect with my personal source of spiritual guidance, I have felt safer and safer.

    There are two main reasons I feel safer:

    I know that I am not my body – that my soul and my body are separate. While my body can be harmed and die, my soul can never die. I believe in what A Course in Miracles says at the very beginning:
    Nothing real can be threatened.
    Nothing unreal exists
    Herein lies the peace of God.

    While my mind is incapable of knowing how to keep me safe, I’ve had experience after experience of my higher self keeping me safe.
    It is these ‘knowings’ that allow me to live life as a “daring adventure”, rather than spending useless energy trying to create the illusion of safety.

  383.  #383AmazingME on September 21, 2011 at 7:41 am

    @340 EW…I am actually not on POF anymore because most of them just lookin for a hook up. I am on OK Cupid and no risky pics at all very classy actually so I was confused about that situation. @345…EW Thank you so much for your postive thoughts! You know my mom made a comment today I had a baseball hat on with my hair down and it looked trendy and really cute. I didnt even ask her her opinion she just looks at me and says hats are more for teenagers your not a teen anymore it doesnt look right. I was like geez mom why u always hating on my style and I told her well I like it and it looks cute. She didnt say much after that. We are an opinionated family but geez if I like it that is what is important. I still value opinion but i disagreed with her and thought it was cute.

  384.  #384AmazingME on September 21, 2011 at 7:48 am

    So I had a horrible time sleeping fell asleep around 2 knowing i was to meet sis at gym. Well she text and called several times 3 hours is just not enough sleep so I believe I was in the REM of my sleep and didnt hear nothing until 7 am when my second alarm went off..grr..but its ok we are going this evening yay@!! I am also awaiting the electronic cigarette today, so I quit smoking and this e cig just helps with the hand to mouth and habit. It is just water vapor no harmful chemicals and doesnt harm anyone or stink the vapor evaporates fast. Yay to a new healthy me and oh my vajayjay appoinment went well all my std checks were negative which is great and my breasts exam was perfect. So losing weight AND smoking air now and healthy life feels so good so excited!!

  385.  #385sammie sighs on September 21, 2011 at 8:18 am

    Thank you so much for all your encouragment!!! You are all right I know it was none of my business to be looking:-( Putting way to much energy into him and not into me!! If he contacts me again how do I respond to him in a feeling way? I have been told that I can appear quite blunt I know this is a wall I throw up when I feel vunerable I divorced an abusive man about 6 years ago I had to escape over a fence and run away! I dont trust easily anymore but I dont want to be that way. I am warm and loving and mush with my kids but cant seem to do this with a man help!!

  386.  #386AmazingME on September 21, 2011 at 8:30 am

    @386 If u start by trusting urself first and love and take care of you you will find urself healing. I am very familiar with the situAtion ur in as I was there 5 or 6 years ago as well. We find ourselves snooping and this is unhealthy when u trust ur instincts and know u will not handle the bad behavior from a man u dont have to try and play Private inverstigator if a man is doing wrong he will get caught just be aware of your surrounding CD is good and take care of u first. U cannot make him listen or change or even do a thing but u have all that with yourself. Believ me I was skeptical but being here and hearing Rori’s advice I am happy and it doesnt rely on a man it is on me..hope this helps..XOXO

  387.  #387Ariadne on September 21, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Amazing….Food for thought. When I worked Airline…Had to loose a little weight….”docked pay” if uniform too tight. This was in the days before De-Regulation. Before work discrimination. Had to look Pristine. Anyways…went to a dietitian to loose weight quickly. She told me that a lot of her clients gave up on weight loss….especially the one’s that have a lot to loose. She said, “Husbands, friends, relative’s, get somewhat envious….sometimes conscious…especially the husbands…and sometimes NOT on a conscious level….other women in your life.
    because the are envious of other womens’s success, and feel that somehow the person will change and leave them behind. I remembered this when there was a time in my life after childbirth that I had to loose 30lbs. When I hit 15lbs. my mother told me to stop loosing the weight. I told her I wanted to be at my Airline weight…That I felt good there. She said, “Why would you? You don’t have to look that good anymore.” I think she was a little envious that I wanted to be a Mom….and wanted to look and feel sexy. I loved my Mom…she has passed over…but I feel she was comparing me to herself….and wanted me to go her path. She was in no way overweight. She just didn’t have as good a figure as me. I don’t believe this was conscious. I still felt it though. She was comparing me to her… I didn’t like it….but I remembered what the Dietition had said. I know my mother Loved me, but in that instance…she compared us as Woman-to Woman. Maybe she saw the younger version of herself in me and thats why she said it??? Who knows? Bottom line…DO and BE who you are and what you are. NUN anybody’s BUSINESS but YOURS!!!! Xo!

  388.  #388AmazingME on September 21, 2011 at 9:01 am

    @388 Ariadne; Thank you so much for the confidence, I am happy with me and my new changes ignoring the pesty NV’S….XOXO

  389.  #389Sweetpea on September 21, 2011 at 9:11 am


    I feel kind of “butting in” here since your question was directed to Englishwoman, but POF stands for Plenty of Fish. I’m in the States, so am sure Englishwoman can probably give you some more info on UK sites. It’s easy to sign up. I like POF and I’ve not seen any evidence that the unpaid sites result in more hookup requests than paid sites. In fact, the scariest thing I ever had happen on an online dating site was on a paid site, so I feel a little contentious when I hear people saying paid sites are better, but to each her own. I’ve been doing this for about a year and a half now and I know the quality of men contacting me has improved with time and the shifting of my vibe, so possibly all of us have better luck with whichever site we find later – my first site was paid, so maybe it’s as simple as timing. My suggestion would be to try things out for yourself and see what works best for you. I’ve had pretty good luck on pof, but better luck on OK Cupid. Not sure if that’s available to you in the UK, but you can check if you like.

    My very first CD was from POF and he was a sweetheart. I have a current CD I met on OKC (OK Cupid) who is also a sweetheart and seems very sincere and into me. I think you can find gems on paid or unpaid sites, the important thing is that you get in there and start letting these men heal you. The more we heal, the more we learn, the easier it gets. Good luck to you – I look forward to hearing of your experiences. You’ll have ups and downs, but it gets easier the more you heal and the Sirens are always a great resource for information and support. Have fun!!

  390.  #390Sweetpea on September 21, 2011 at 9:22 am


    Thanks! I know that I’ve realy been focusing lately on changing my vibe around money and bringing abundance and it’s working! I feel a little scared that such intense fear from my guy caused me to act out of character, but I don’t have lots of regrets around it anymore. I dated another guy awhile back who had all kinds of fear around being cheated on and it was weird how I almost KNEW at some point, if I stayed with him, it would happen. It didn’t really bother me, and I split with him before it happened, but it almost felt like his fear was a physical force pushing me to do the thing he feared most. Weird – never really put much thought into it until now, but it was definitely a tangible thing.

    Food for thought…thanks again!

  391.  #391Femininewoman on September 21, 2011 at 9:25 am

    RE 386 Sammie Sighs use your mind to help you melt. Think of something soft like butter or ice cream melting in the sun. Re 366 and 367 above and visualize it while you practice.

    In the meantime put your attention into your body, your shoulders, your stomach, your heart area, see how you feel so you can find words to put to it.

    Some feelings you can play with to write yourself a script in preparation for a call but you have to focus on yourself. Put yourself back out there to date and flirt with others.

    I feel disappointed , I felt let down when ………
    I feel good to hear from you.
    . I dont want any difficulties between us. What do you think?”
    “I want the kind of relationship where I feel
    loved, and I can tell the man I’m with loves me
    and isn’t afraid to show me.”

    I feel badly I lashed out. I wish I could take it back. I wish things hadn’t escalated to such a degree in the first place.
    But now I don’t feel safe. I fear this will happen again.
    I want a relationship that embodies love, care, trust and respect.”

  392.  #392AmazingMe on September 21, 2011 at 9:30 am

    OK sirens I am being brave but please check out my webpage for okcupid and see if u like!!Thank YOU!

  393.  #393Femininewoman on September 21, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Sammie sighs I got the following also from some previous comments and from Rori’s articles. Hope they will help you as you process.

    1. “I feel scared to let a man into my home and into my life in such a way that i’m completely exposed. I love the time together… and I’m worried that i’ll be taken for granted if we continue staying with each other all the time. I DON’T WANT a man to become complacent about me… and to spend forever in the girlfriend zone and act like we’re married when we’re not.

    1. I am no longer interested in sex until I feel 100% secure with a man. I feel warmth toward you and I feel insecure and scared that I’m going to be let down again. So I find myself trying to play it safe. I feel so vulnerable it feels hard to open up… what do you think ?
    Wow, it feels scary and exciting too.

    I am feeling awkward about how to best sort things out between us.
    I feel hurt and angry about all that has passed but I also feel hopeful we can build on the good things .
    I feel sorry I have been accusing and defensive with you as that makes it so much harder to talk. I dont want to do this anymore.
    I want to feel free to talk about the future with you.
    What do you think ? ”

    Share your feelings in total Feeling Messages about how attached and weird you can feel when you’re exclusive and hoping for a ring, and that you’ve just discovered it feels so much better to just let the man be in charge.
    In other words, exclusivity isn’t your goal here . A “boyfriend” isn’t your goal – marriage is!!!

  394.  #394Mel on September 21, 2011 at 9:39 am

    393: AM

    You’re a hottie! Great pics! 😉

  395.  #395Femininewoman on September 21, 2011 at 9:40 am

    RE 393 Lovely pics. Just one comment if I may… I would not put up the one with the kids. I believe they are gorgeous but we don’t know what go through people’s minds. Some might look at it and assume you are looking for a daddy for your kids and get scared off. Remember fear can be irrational and though you want to be authentic you, I would not want to push anyone’s fear button. IMHO mentioning in your profile that are feeling blessed to be the mother of three lovely kids who you feel proud of is enough.

  396.  #396Lili 41 on September 21, 2011 at 9:41 am

    re: 383

    Interesting link FW.
    I am now in my lunch break at work, but I definitely look forward to reading more details on that link when I get the chance. It feels very inspiring.
    Thank you for providing this link FW xox

  397.  #397Lili 41 on September 21, 2011 at 9:44 am


    Wowwwwaaaaa! Amazing Me! I agree with Mel, You R a HOOOOtttttiiiiie!

  398.  #398Mel on September 21, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Re 396:

    Good point FW. Also for privacy reasons, it might be a good idea not to have that up.

  399.  #399Ariadne on September 21, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Amazing Me! You are a Beautiful Woman! Any man would be Fortunate to have you. Your photos show that you have a lot of Charisma. Never forget….you are NOT the ” seller”…YOU are the “BUYER” here. YOU get to CHOOSE!!!!! Thank you for sharing. Gotta get my “Boy” going now to help my “Girl.” Going to do another round of 5second smiles today, while doing my errands. Can’t wait! Xo

  400.  #400Patricia on September 21, 2011 at 10:05 am

    I was thinking of posting this the other day but waited. Well it seems to be more relivant now. I realized after the past three months of running into a few good(ish) ones that were close and a lot of not so greats on my paid website that I had written my profile to attract every man. Although its great that every man wants me I dont want to come in contact with every man or go out with every man. I noticed that I dumbed myself down so that I got more responses. I did a lot!! However none of them were what I was looking for and from the sound of my profile I made it appear that I didn’t want or require time or affection and that I was too busy for anything real. There is the draw to the boys!! Here is a beautiful woman who doesnt require much and has a busy life so she wont be asking much. I also would date men that were fresh out of relationships and that will pretty much stop. I did put in important aspects about me but did not go into detail and as men do they missed important information. Sooo now I am rewriting my profile to say more about me and to take the focus off of them in order to get rid of the ones that will respond because they just think I’m a “hottie” and get responses from men who expect to value and respect me…Im sure I will run into a few more players once I get out there but I am powered with tools. the trick is to get every man to want you..not to choose the wrong man and get him to like you =) I think I will repost my rewritten profile. Just to get some feedback but I am confident it will push all the wrong ones away..which is exactly what I want!! I still have a while before I get back out there but even on the dating sights I have to remember to write my profile for ME!! Its like a letter to myself about what I want and then I am just communicating it to them…I feel like I just discovered me again=)

  401.  #401AmazingMe on September 21, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Thank you sirens feeling all warm and happy inside and u boosted my confidence. Appreciate all the feedback and FW taking that picture down ur right i had thought about it before but just left it! Well u sirens are making this hottie want to go strut it somewhere nice with lots of men..haha…thanks so much again!

  402.  #402AmazingMe on September 21, 2011 at 10:13 am

    I dont get to hear that much in regards to being a “HOTTIE”. That made me feel really appreciated for me!

  403.  #403Femininewoman on September 21, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Well you look hot, especially the close up with the glasses and the luscious red lipstick.

  404.  #404AmazingMe on September 21, 2011 at 10:24 am

    @404 FW thank you for your kind words! Yeah the red lipstick and whole look of that photo was trying to portray the old days rockabilly look!

  405.  #405Mel on September 21, 2011 at 10:42 am


    Success! 🙂 You Rock!

  406.  #406Mel on September 21, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Ladies… I am totally feeling the waterwheel! So much love and appreciation is coming toward me. It feels sooooo nice!

    I think, before in my life, I was always the giver. Family… friends… in my relationship. It really seems that now that I am open to receiving, people are really expressing a desire to give. My BFF said “Mel, you are always giving so much of yourself to EVERYONE. It’s our pleasure to give back and help you out when you need it!” I feel like I am receiving loads of appreciation at work, affection/attention from CDs, material items that people are lovingly giving to me for my new place… I really feel special right now. 🙂 I’m tearing up just writing this. I feel very fortunate to have such nice people in my life and great online friends here!

    Today, out of the blue, a colleague from work asked me if I’d like to go to a concert with him in November. I said “sure!” and before I could ask about tickets (it’s a pricey show) he had already bought me one.

    I am also already looking forward to my “inked-in” date with sexy sarcastic on Saturday! He asked me to send him a list of activities I would enjoy, rain or shine. Fun!

  407.  #407AmazingMe on September 21, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Mel your awesome girl! It’s amazing how we shift our vibe and do the waterwheel how people really do respond. This works!! Your success is making me happy! I am not quite there but close…haha

  408.  #408la chiquita bonita on September 21, 2011 at 11:11 am

    guy invited me over for lunch today and i called him one hour before (he asked me to yesterday)…i didnt get a response so i called again and left a voicemail saying that if lunch didnt work out please let me know so i can make other plans..he calls last minute and says hes not feeling well. wtf..he could have let me know earlier atleast its such bs! even if its true. i wanted to express feeling messages but i figured something out- my pride wont let me i dont want him to know i care that much..can anyone relate to this? he said that any day would work out but i said i will be really busy for a while and then i said ive got a go and cut him wasnt feeling messages but atleast i let him know im not putting up with this bs..i give myself a B minus or a C plus hahaha

  409.  #409AmazingMe on September 21, 2011 at 11:17 am

    @409…Good for you stick with your gut feelings!!

  410.  #410Femininewoman on September 21, 2011 at 11:52 am

    RE 409 Next time don’t call a second time. Also until they have established that they will gladly call I would say “I feel uncomfortable calling, especially when I am being invited. I would prefer to get a confirmation call”. If there is none within 24 hours or whatever your boundary is, I would choose to do something else, make other plans.

  411.  #411Daria on September 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    la chiquita – next time, let a man come get YOU for lunch, and HE will confirm one hour before …

    that’s what would feel great for me

  412.  #412Daria on September 21, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    i am so fuchkin awesome for doing the whole entire workout !!! and it felt great, so much easier than before

    omg thank you Daria thank you!!!

    you are awesmoe to me and for me! thank you!

  413.  #413Daria on September 21, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    Daria it feels incredible that you really did that for me ! wow

  414.  #414Daria on September 21, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Amazing Me – you are so gorgeous! if i were you i would definitely have some glamour shots taken and use those, along with only one or two casual shots…

    and have some pictures in some very feminine clothing, dresses and skirts…

  415.  #415Ella on September 21, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Evening Sirens.

    I am feeling a bit panicky.

    I did not realise and there is another Zumba class on at the same time as mine on a Thursday evening at the same place! In the hall next door.

    And I just had a little look at her website and she looks MUCH more professional than me.

    She is thinner and she has a flashy website with loads of pics and videos and from these it looks like she is a better dancer AND that her classes are busier.

    Also – she has all the Zumba branded gear including all her outfits. I can’t afford that atm! She looks so professional!

    OMG I feel totally intimidated. How the fuch am I going to compete with that?

    I feel worried about my business and I feel insecure.

    The only thing I can see that I have which she doesn’t is that hers looks quite disco-y… and mine is possibly a little less full on… and softer.

    Mine tends to attract slightly older ladies and also people who have never done it before or feel a bit shy.

    Maybe I can work with this angle….

    I still feel completely out of my depth and intimidated though.

    I may contact her just to say hi and I did not want to tread on any toes in taking the venue booking there… I had no idea there was already a Zumba class there.

    I’d rather have a friendly relationship than a competitive one.

    Hmmm :-/

  416.  #416Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    @167: Lyka says:
    “…Happy Anniversary!…”

    Thanks. It’s six month anniversary of soulmate vows but life partner is still somewhere out there in the vortex…expecting me to show up. Except for Sweetie who shares space with me. They are kind of the same, sort of… that’s another story…

    @169: Lyka says:
    “And you just made me think that F and I have also been together for six months! Sweet!…”

    Sweet, yes! Give yourself a little treat to celebrate your happiness.


  417.  #417Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    @168: Emoticon says:
    “…SLV when is your birthday? Did it already go by?…”

    It’s always just around the corner. 😀

    I celebrate my birthday each month. I start off with a month of celebration with “bookend” dates.,.. and then “on that day” every month for the next ten months.

    I like little treats. 😆


  418.  #418Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    @171: Ariadne

    Here’s a five-second smile for you ==> 😀


  419.  #419Sweetpea on September 21, 2011 at 1:11 pm


    Sounds like a predicament. I guess I missed some stuff – what’s the background on the venue?

    Sounds like contacting her might be a good idea, but I wouldn’t listen to those NVs. If yours is more of a beginner class, or not as intense a workout, you can certainly spin that. But your Siren vibe can help you in this situation too. I would rather go to a class where the instructor is warm and inviting than to a class where they seem too busy for me.

    No worries, sister siren. I have a feeling you’ll be fine.

  420.  #420Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    @265: alias girl says:
    “…When i am able to permanently get rid of all leg, underam, and goddess bits hair I WILL…”

    Maybe it will disappear all by itself. I’m now like a little bald baby…almost..


  421.  #421Patricia on September 21, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Always remember there is an abundance and never a shortage…even in our own spirit. Go to her only when you feel secure that she has nothing over you and when you know that, then those voices dissappear. I guess its the same with all relationships..If we go to the men in our lives; when we are secure that they have nothing we dont already have then we can go to them and not worry and let them go and know there are more out there.
    So Ella go confidently knowing that you are a success and that she is a success…and that there are so many people who will love an instructor like you; you will make them feel comfortable

  422.  #422Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    @303: tinque says:
    “..Ariadne – Younger men tend to prefer clean bits because that’s what they are used to seeing since it’s been the “fashion” for awhile.
    …K tells me he doesn’t care, but if he’s asked to choose, he prefers clean,…”

    I prefer “clean” too. I am clean when I have hair and clean when I don’t. I don’t believe having natural hair makes women “dirty” although I did see a guy say that on a video embedded on site of male dating coach. The guy cursed a lot too so maybe that went along with his general point of view about women.

    But I’ll stay from men like K (to avoid future difficulty) if I know what the warning signs are. BTW, he’s not all that young, is he? So maybe his preference is not based on his age?



  423.  #423Ella on September 21, 2011 at 1:26 pm


    Basically the venue I had around the corner could no longer accomodate my existing class, so I went venue hunting and found a perefect sports centre at a school that was available and in my price range…

    I booked it and only found out after that she had already made a booking to have her class there, on the same day, at almost the same time (hers starts a half hour before mine) in the hall next door, and starting the same week as mine!

    I already have my class attendees, and apparently the other Zumba teacher was not happy when she heard that another class was starting up there too.

    Oww, I just feel hella insecure about it.

    I read some research once that said that the MAIN factor that make people choose a fitness instructor is how iin shape they look… above all else.

  424.  #424Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    @272: Ariadne says:
    “…My hair stylist told me her BF gets waxed…is that common for younger men these days? Can’t imagine what that would look like! Scary to think of it…”

    Yep, there’s a lot of exfoliation going on these days. I attribute it to the proliferation and easy access to porn images. Many people also get their “sex education” from porn and believe the “entertainment” they’ve seen is “how things should be done.”


  425.  #425Patricia on September 21, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    this blog is amazing because it helps me confront so many of the things that come up in realtionships and I can take a deep breath and just love that feeling. Right now I am feeling fulfilled to be around such lovely people…and just to be myself. Not a realtionship/man thing but I have been working on getting into school for my Master’s program and all I have to do is some testing..once again definately fulfilling (now if I could just find the abundance in money but I guess I have what I need) be abundantly blessed Sirens

  426.  #426Emoticon on September 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    AmazingMe…. Amazing Pics. Looked good on my phone, even better on the computer. YOU GO GIRL

  427.  #427Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    @310: Ella

    No, he was just a jerk. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that women cause every bad thing that happens. If you don’t like it, tell him so. If you continue on talking with him in an accepting kind of way, you’ll probably get more of the same. There was an example of this in an earlier post on this thread…



  428.  #428tinque on September 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    SLV – You would be fine with a man like K. He loves me au naturelle, and he loves me waxed. The only advantage to waxed is when it comes to tongue massage, nothing is in the way.

    I’ve only been waxing for a very few years, and I prefer it for reasons I would rather not post here. If you really want to know, e-mail me.


  429.  #429Ella on September 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm


    J just IM-ed me on FB about his job.


    And then, I took a couple of mins to reply, and as soon as I started typing my reply he disappeared.

    Lol, its almost kinda laughable… I don’t even get enough time to express!!

    Huh, sigh.

    He he, little giggle.

    Oh well. Its all good.

  430.  #430Jeannette on September 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    Well here I go again. I am still working through my grief after losing Steve 3 mo.s ago. I was talking with Steve’s sister in law and she said, “Ever since you’ve been around the family has been jinxed.” I said, “Oh, I didn’t know I thought I’ve been a help to the family.” Then she started laughing and said, “That is true, I’m just messing with you.” Well, that took place 2 weeks ago and I’m still trying to understand why she even said that. Havn’t told anyone in the family…It’s true Steve’s brother died 6 days after Steve (From heart trouble, already on hospice), and now the third brother is having health issues. They are trying to get him in for a liver transplant and he’s having other problems preventing it from happening. That is the bro. this woman is married to. Well, they all had their health issues before I even hooked up with the family a year and a half ago…I don’t have a clue why she said what she said and why she even thought it was funny!

  431.  #431Ella on September 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Patricia re 422,

    Thank you.

    I feel very comforted reading your post.

    And I suppose the thing is we are different me and her. My class is unique, I have choreography she doesn’t have and vice versa.

    I am sure there are people who will prefer my class (I hope) and those who will prefer hers.

    All I can do is be the best Zumba Instructor I know how to be.


  432.  #432Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    @277: alias girl says:
    “…but in case you missed my earlier goddess tip awhile back

    AG, I’m researching and exploring. Yesterday I saw a couple of videos on making natural hair from flax seed. I’m going to Whole Foods to grab the ingredients and give it a try!

    It seems quick and easy to make and no toxic chemicals. Not sure how great the product is but some women swear by it.

    Do It Yourself: Homemade Natural Hair Gel with Flaxseeds


  433.  #433Emoticon on September 21, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    SLV 🙂 Nice! So u have multiple birthdays, so do I. I dont celebrate as much as u do, not every month. I celebrate my birthday, 6 months later i celebrate my birthday n a half. I also celebrate the date of my conception which i have calculated 2 b and also wish tobelieve is my parents anniversary. 🙂

  434.  #434Patricia on September 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Ella you be confident and you will draw people…Invite in person where ever possible and be excited about who you are =) I am excited for you!! Do you feel excited about the adventure? BTW I love Zumba it feels sexy and exciting and all the movements are dramatic..its beautiful and FUN!!!

  435.  #435Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 1:52 pm


    LOL. That should be “making natural hair gel” from flax seeds.

    I wish I could make natural hair from flax seeds. If only I could…

    Another video…


  436.  #436Emoticon on September 21, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    You ladies r all such beautiful people, you all inspire me a whole lot. I only know what Tinque and AM look like physically n i must say beautiful. But INNER BEAUTY is what im talking about. You guys r great… muah…

  437.  #437alias girl on September 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    #409 la chiquita bonita

    i read leaning forward twice, no feeling messages and stuffed anger.

    my grade is A!

    because you are cding! A+ in fact because you are cding and you are a goddess!

  438.  #438Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    @279: Ariadne says:
    “…Use greek yogurt on your face…”

    i also saw vid on using greek yogurt as an ingredient in natural hair conditioner.

    I’m exploring some natural things,.. hmmm I might have to warn some men in dating profiles. Something else to work out…

    Oh, well. 😛


  439.  #439alias girl on September 21, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    yes what i notice is if the guy has to COME TO ME, it really is less of a hassle for me if he flakes and bigger hassle for him if i flake. so if he is not planning on flaking, he will be more apt to firm things up, confirm etc.

  440.  #440T-Love on September 21, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    I feel so refreshed coming here to see all of your stories. I can definitely relate to most of you. I am new to the RR tools. I get my daily emails from Rori….my daily motivation! I feel nervous about these tools. I haven’t used most of them yet but I have used the positive tools for removing the old negative thoughts and voices. Thats working for me thus far. I am feeling anxious to see how these tools work.
    My bf and I have been together approaching 1 year and I definietly have seen a change in him since the beginning. I have done much of the leaning forward which makes since he has changed. I feel unwanted, overlooked, ignored. I just have been giving all this energy and it feels bad. So now that I know what I need to do to “lean back”, I will see how this works for me and how quickly. I feel “gitty” inside because I’ve seen how things worked for the rest of the sirens…I’m believing its my turn to share my “turn-around” story soon.

    Feeling hopeful! Give you guys an update soon. Talk chat w/ u all later

  441.  #441alias girl on September 21, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    #418 SVL lol. i love it!!!! 🙂

  442.  #442alias girl on September 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    #433 SVL interesting. thank you for the link. 🙂

  443.  #443Jeannette on September 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Would you take what Steve’s sis in law said seriously or what? Post # 431

  444.  #444Ella on September 21, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Daria re 365 and 370

    Hmmm, yeah, tweaking it down would be good…

    And what you said doesn’t quite hit it. Kinda misses what I am trying to say.

    I don’t know maybe I will feel differently when I talk to him but at the moment I do feel angry, furious, bored and fed up to the back teeth of him, and other men, asking for dates and then they don’t happen.

    What I am looking for here is a boundary.

    I feel unimportant and less than when I keep accepting dates all the while thinking in the back of my mind ‘this will never happen, why am I playing along with this farce? ‘

    I guess something real to say would be:

    Him: do you want to meet up on …

    Me: I feel suspicious!

    Him: why?

    Me: Hmmm, I don’t know, I guess it is cus we have planned stuff before and it hasn’ happened and that has left me feeling unimportant and bad.

    Reckon I can handle the one about not coming back to mine late at night… I would want to say something like this:

    ‘Well u kow it feels GREAT spending time with you. And actually I feel kinda less than and unworthy just hanging out with men. Proper dates feel much better / more romantic.


    It would feel great to see you soon’.

    Big flirty SMILE and LEAVE.

    What do you think?


  445.  #445Ella on September 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Owww, I wonder if I am actually going to do this?

    Would feel great to… and I still feel hella scared it will just all finish when I say my boundary.

    And I love my fear.

    Thats ok Ella, it doesn’t matter if the man goes away!

    Do it… please do it for me!

  446.  #446Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    @309: AmazingMe

    Re: your hair, appearance, fashion, personal presentation

    It’s fun to try new things. Do whatever you want to express yourself at the moment. Some people just blurt out things without thinking first. If you think about what they say for a few minutes you will probably laugh.

    Someone, a cute little lady like Ella, recently told me that her face looked as saggy as mine.
    LOL 😆 That was really funny. It told her, “yep, it sure does… ” I guess we both had a laugh. I did anyway. 😛

    Keep coloring your hair; cut it, curl it, straighten it, braid it, crimp it, have some fun…

    BTW, a few weeks ago my grandson took one look at some earrings I bought and announced I would “probably look hideous” if i wore them.

    Well, he’s seven… what’re going to do…? Oh, I bought even more earrings!!! Yay!


  447.  #447tinque on September 21, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Jeanette – No hon. She’s scared and hurting too. People even in the best of circumstances can say some strange things. It’s affecting you this much because it’s a very, very sore spot for you too.


  448.  #448Ella on September 21, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Owww, are there pics of Amazing Me somewhere?

    lemme see lemme see

    🙂 xx

  449.  #449Ella on September 21, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    I do blurt… and usually/hopefully not in a hurtful way…

  450.  #450LILI 41 on September 21, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Re Ella 416

    Hi Ella,

    I am going to Zumba class in about 1 hour. I had 4 places/teachers to pick from all within a 5 minute distance from my place.
    After trying out 3 of them for free, I chose the 1 that was smaller and less busy. The instructor is more vivacious which makes it more motivating, I really get into it.
    The size of the group being smaller, I find it less stressful with more room to move.

    Different types of people are attracted to different types of classes. I don’t like the popular flashy marketing type of places, I like the more quiet humble places. I just feel more confortable.
    There are people of all ages in my class.

    Hopefully there are plenty of people like me in your area that will be attracted to your class.

  451.  #451AmazingMe on September 21, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    @415 Daria I did some modeling in NY and CA…so I have lots of really nice shots I did a beach shoot, a pin up photo shoot and get this I did a bridal shoot it was so much fun!! Right dowtown YBOR CITY which is in Tampa florida area. I have had a lot of great experiences with modeling I loved it but to make money you have to spend and I just couldnt afford it and needed more steady income. Thanks for compliment Daria!! I feeling all sireny!! How can we post pics here for people to see can we??

  452.  #452Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    @341: English Woman says:
    “…Ooops POF not FOB (that’s a term we use at work LOL!)…”

    LOL Some guys think they are “free on board…” Hahaha


  453.  #453Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    … or maybe they think they are “free on broad…


  454.  #454Sweetpea on September 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm


    In my experience when I’m feelingscared a guy will walk away if I state my boundaries, he does. It throws the vibe off from, “I really like you but I have to take care of me,” to “I know you’re gonna leave anyway, so here’s a reason for you to do it.” Maybe not the same for you, but I was always one who walked away before they did because I couldn’t stand to feel abandoned again, so in some ways I think I actually did sabotage.

    Feeling messages aren’t my forte. I tend to do things more – still (but I’m working on it)- in a glib manner. Such as, if he were to want to see me, I’d say, “sure. Where are you taking me.” Then, as I feel more comfortable with the conversation I’d move more into feeling messages. I’m not in any way putting down feeling messages – they just still foreign to me. Especially when my message feels confrontational.

    I believe Daria’s FM started with something like, …”-I feel weird saying this, but…” didn’t it? I think I may try that at some point. That would feel more authentic to me and less abrupt than just jumping in to “I feel furious.” What do you think?

  455.  #455Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    @364: Mel says:
    “…Remember when Rusty….He said he feels captivated by my “feelingness” and can actually see it come through in my personality. Interesting….”

    Yeah, that Rusty, sure something’, ain’t he?

    LOL 😆


  456.  #456Sweetpea on September 21, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Just had an interesting thought. I’ve made it a ritual to cuddle with my dog every morning to practice receiving love. I was just snuggling her and said, “what could be better than puppy love?” Which made me wonder – I always thought that term just referred to young love, but what if it’s more the unconditional love one feels when newly in a relationship. You know, before there’s any hurt or resentment there to cloud it and you just feel like you’re walking on a cloud. I know it’s not the most realistic thought, but I’d like a relationship that feels like that even after years and years. Hmmm…romantic musings.

  457.  #457Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    @390: Sweetpea says:
    “…I’ve been doing this for about a year and a half now and I know the quality of men contacting me has improved with time and the shifting of my vibe, so possibly all of us have better luck with whichever site we find later – ..”

    Hi, Sweetpea! Thanks for sharing your POF and other online dating experience. Over the year and a half have you tweaked your profile or pics? If so, what changes did you make? This might be helpful to all posters.

    Thanks much. 😀


  458.  #458Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    @426: Patricia .

    Go for it! My spending time encouraging myself; there’s no one else to do it.



  459.  #459Ella on September 21, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Sweetpea re 455,

    The thing is I am kinda getting to the place where I am not so frightened of him walking away… I mean it is not a crippling fear, like a clingy ‘I need him’ fear…

    Its more a kinda ‘oh this is a new way of doing things, it feels uncomfortable and I would feel sad if I make a mistake and he walks away’

    Like a residual fear of feeling old patterns rather than an actual fear for now.

    But you know what, enough already on focusing on that! Lol. That wasn’t what I was going for here.

    I am going for something new. I would rather focus on trying something new and maybe getting new results…?

    And to be honest I am getting to the point where I care more about my own boundaries and comfort than seeing some man again…

    So anything I say to him now is not said out of fear.

    But tbh I am kinda avoiding FB a little bit atm so not even sure when I will speak to him again.

    Who knows, I might feel totally different by then!

    But the basic issue here for me atm is I am feeling fed up, sick and tired and frustrated of flaky men and unfulfilled promises for dates, and wanting to express that as the anger is building up every time it happens and I feel like a smiling, nodding dog to keep accepting more requests for dates whilst feeling angry and frustrated that they are unlikley to happen based on past experiences.

    Rambling now, lol.


  460.  #460Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    @429: tinque



  461.  #461Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    @431: Jeannette says:
    “…I don’t have a clue why she said what she said and why she even thought it was funny!…”

    Because she’s ignorant and mean-spirited? Refute what she said (as you did) and then just keep moving right along. Even the words “messing with you” sound like something a smart aleck eight-year old would say. If she’s more than eight years old, she’s not worth bothering with.


  462.  #462Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    @434: Emoticon says:
    “…I also celebrate the date of my conception which i have calculated 2 b and also wish tobelieve is my parents anniversary…”

    That is SO fabulous. I never thought to do that. Now I will… I think that would be add three months and subtract seven days (or is it ADD seven days?) but I think I was born a week or so early… as the story goes.

    I’m going to do this. I’ll pick this weekend to start; it’s close enough… That will be THREE of my celebrations this month plus the holiday weekend we had and add family birthdays too. Yummy month.


  463.  #463Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    @437: Emoticon says:
    “… I only know what Tinque and AM look like physically n i must say beautiful…”

    My brain’s not working right now, who’s “AM?” Lilybelle has a pic up and Daria also. Esteemed used to; I’m not sure she still has it up. They are all very pretty.



  464.  #464Ella on September 21, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    Might have a holiday from Facebook.

    I am not sure.

    I tend to use it quite a lot. Wonder how it might feel not to use it for a bit.


    I’ll see how I feel.

  465.  #465Senior Lady Vibe on September 21, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    @444: Jeannette says:
    “…Would you take what Steve’s sis in law said seriously or what? Post # 431…”

    No, no, no, no, no, no. no. That said, I wouldn’t want to listen to it nor pretend that it was OK for her to say it.

    Hugs, Jeannette. {{{Jeannette}}}

    Sometimes people just say dumb stuff. She did.


  466.  #466Susan on September 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    RE: 445: Ella

    I think this will be a long answer, LOL!

    I see you struggling with this and I want to share my viewpoint and what happened to me when faced with a similar situation. Over last Thanksgiving and Christmas my man (who was dating only me) spent those holidays with his ex girlfriend. We had just started dating right before T-Day, so I didn’t make a fuss about T-Day, but when Christmas rolled around I was horrified to discover he planned to spend it with her as well. That is around the time I found Rori and bought her e-book.

    The way I understood the e-book, there is a difference between delivering feeling messages and delivering a boundary. I can see many others didn’t see a difference between the two, but I do. It doesn’t make sense to me to ask what someone thinks about a boundary. To me, a boundary is a wall and if a man puts himself outside the boundary then he is outside my consideration and affection. As I write this now, I sound very sure of myself, but in those weeks before Christmas I was a wreck. I was afraid to lose him (again) yet I also knew that continuing this way impossible, so I delivered my boundary…

    I asked him if he was still planning to spend the holiday with her and he said yes and I answered: “Since we haven’t been dating very long, I will accept this for now. But I want you to understand; I will never be number 2 again.” And then I dropped the subject and to this day I not brought it up. I didn’t hear from him for 2 weeks and he did spend Christmas with her (he had a reason, I just thought it was a crappy reason.) I spent part of that two weeks furiously raking dead leaves in my front yard and crying. I’m sure the neighbors thought I was nuts. Then I invited a male gym buddy over for Christmas feast. The guy was a boor, but at least I wasn’t alone. I also didn’t volunteer to my guy that I spent Christmas with another man.

    After two weeks of silence, my guy showed up – all smiles – and I’m the only woman he spends time with to this day. I may not bring up ‘the boundary’ but he sure does. He speaks of that day as the day he began to respect me and see me as valuable. He also openly admires that I didn’t whine or pout or continue complaining. I just stated my boundary and then moved on.

    I allowed months to go by before I told him I spent Christmas with another man. He got mad, but I just shrugged and said, “You chose with whom you wanted to spend the holiday