Telling The Truth Is Scary – And Fantastic, Too – Bethany 7

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If you’ve been following Bethany, you know her man got a text from another girl, and when he told her about it – he did it in a way that made her feel awful, horrible – the whole “freak -out.”

We talked about how she could share her feelings, and tell him the TRUTH – so they could deepen their relationship, and she could start feeling stronger inside…and here’s what happened (you can hear how insecure Bethany feels, just like we all do when we’re afraid of doing ANYTHING…and it’s great to hear the process put into words):

“Rori, Tonight, after leaning back all day and almost ignoring Carl, he asked me to go listen to a band downtown tonight. I said yes, and we had fun!

Then when he dropped me off at my place, I said “I felt weird when I got that text from you the other day about that girl…”

And then he asked why and I said “Because she’s pretty”…and that “I didn’t know what he meant,” and then he said that he felt like “…maybe he shouldn’t have sent the text because he didn’t want to sound like he was conceited”…and he said “No! I don’t think she’s pretty.”

So I felt pretty silly…but he didn’t freak out or anything, and I said “I don’t want to make a big deal, so thanks for listening…” and he said “Yeah, tell me anytime how you feel.”

…I feel pretty shaky right now, like maybe I shouldn’t have said that, and that I ruined the mood?

But at least it’s out there, right? And maybe it’s good so that the next time something might trigger my jealousy, the open path of communication has been laid. He didn’t seem like he wanted to run away, I just feel embarrassed for looking weak. But maybe I look strong, do you think?

Even if he’s taken aback, I didn’t attack him and I didn’t tell him he had to do anything or not do anything, so hopefully it will be okay?”

Here was my answer to her:

“Bethany, This was totally brilliant! Can you see? – read your letter as if it were someone else – can you see how you used feeling messages and he responded so well?

Can you see how leaning back all day and forgetting about him brought him close? I know it sounds mystical – but that’s exactly the way it works.

I believe a man can feel your energy even from far away. So you work on yourself, and he follows.

He LIKED the way you spoke to him, and he invited you to talk to him about this stuff – you just got closer!

Now – don’t take the backwards step of “maybe I shouldn’t have said that, and that I ruined the mood?” or “But maybe I look strong, do you think? “ – can you see how you’re doubting yourself, analyzing – getting into your head?

When this happens – use all my Tools that come to you to get OUT of your head, and back into your feelings and most of all – your BODY.

Please pat yourself on the back and give yourself the biggest hug for coming this far so fast! Love, Rori”

Here’s how Bethany’s process can help you:  I’m all about the truth – and all about helping YOU tell the truth, no matter how scary it feels.

The first time you try it – let it be about Little things – things that don’t make you feel terrified, but give you a little buzz of excitement in your tummy just thinking about SAYING anything about them – even the weather qualifies sometimes – if we’ve been sitting on our feelings for a long, long time.

Try it, and let me know how it unfolds for you.

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Reshi on January 7, 2009 at 10:50 am

    Yays for Bethany! I’m so inspired that she was able to create a sweet little moment like that. I mean, who wouldn’t want their guy to say “tell me anytime how you feel”?

    Last night I dreamed about two cute guys, after spending the evening doing a little ritual intended to push out the kind of fake and unhealthy love I’ve been experiencing, and call in a true, real, healthy love–basically a Riff in motion.

    OK, one of the guys turned less cute once he started talking to me. But he kept talking to me and was friendly. And the other, who was very very cute and seemed wonderful, suddenly started telling me about how my feet were fat and he really likes women’s feet and bla bla bla–I cut him off and said “I’m sorry, this won’t work. I’m looking to be desired by a man for all that I am, not to be insulted.”

    OK, it’s not Feeling Messages and it’s not even real life, but I still consider it a breakthrough. In the past even in my dreams I would not turn away from a man if he was bad to me. And being able to dream about any kind of men who aren’t my ex is huge. I’m going to consider this a sign of better things on the horizon.

  2.  #2alias girl on January 7, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    nice work reshi! i’m loving it! there are SO MANY positive things about your dream experience.yay reshi too!

  3.  #3Caj13 on January 7, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    Great, Reshi, I can relate to the importance of such a dream for you. It seems like years since I’ve remembered ANY dreams (they must’ve been so horrible it would’ve been totally counterproductive), but recently I have had 2 good ones, and Not about the villains in my life. Just gives you a little extra dose of happiness and light.

    And better still, Today, guys, I had a Date! A Real One with a man, who invited me to lunch in advance. It went very well even tho’ I didn’t get out a single feeling message, despite having practiced some on the way in. He finds me very sensitive all the same, and has already sent 3 emails and phoned tonight. I missed the call, and tho’ his message said he wanted to make sure of something, I am not jumping on the phone to satisfy him (as I normally would have out of misguided politeness), and will wait for him to ring me tomorrow as promised. Of course, I admit it’s easier leaning back when you’re not totally turned on, smitten at first sight, but I still had to check myself several times when I wanted to offer too much info./’help’ (he’s new in town). I do hope to explore both the possibilities and Rori’s methods a little further with this guy, but will have to wait awhile , cuz he’s off on an extended trip, and who knows if he’ll be as interested on his return (like one of Lin’s fellows and someone I met last year, who lost their steam (for her & me) along the way). In the meantime, I should receive Toxic Man so I can learn to recognize if he’s not a keeper, no matter what my attraction may be. Anywayz, I’m feeling GOOD: Diva-Dating rocks even more than dating myself.
    (Sigh! Younger men really are a lot cuter than my contemporaries, however….)

  4.  #4alias girl on January 7, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    yae caj 13! that’s fantastic! good work on remaining aware during date and leaning back. i hope you get to practice more with him too. he is just ONE OF MANY who would be thrilled and lucky to get to know your godess self better!

    and if you want others in your circular dating round up to be young cutie boy toys then that is ok. go for what you want. why not. it’s your life. some men PREFER older women. is a fact and a provable one at that.


    (clarification: younger men have relationship potential too. not neccessary to classify soley as boy toys)

  5.  #5Jenaveeve on January 7, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    I feel really really angry, prickly and tense with my guard way up high. Ive been following Rori’s advice and practicing her tools but lately things have been going really wrong for me. I feel disappointed and scared to trust again. I feel that all the guys I have been practicing with and dating are only hanging around for the opportunity to sleep with me. Its very discouraging. Ive used the feelings messages over and over with them all and I believed that they all listened and respected what I said, but lately I feel it was all a lie. That they were just pretending and being nice and giving so they could get into my pants. I feel icky and unsafe with each and every one of them and I dont know what to do. Should I just stay away? Is anyone else going through this?……………

  6.  #6heartbeat on January 7, 2009 at 4:30 pm

    Caj13 – I get the impression, and have come to believe, that age doesn’t matter to men as much as WE think, certainly not a man with a good heart. When I circular-dated last year my dates ranged from 34 to 58 (I was 48 at the time). The man I’m with now is 11 years younger than me 🙂

    Jenaveeve – in that place you’re in “angry, prickly and tense with my guard way up high” everything can look different, awful. That’s my experience anyway. If something has happened to disappoint you, maybe you’ve been thrown or triggered. I hope you find your way home again. I feel sad for you, and I feel hopeful you will try new tools – there are so many – until something clicks, you feel good about yourself, and the sun comes out again.

  7.  #7heartbeat on January 7, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    PS I feel affirmed once again, following my comments last night (on Highway of Love post), by this Truth post. I’m going to be practicing like crazy! I had the BIG one, I scraped through, even so – getting a good result. I’m getting the Queen treatment at the moment.

  8.  #8Caj13 on January 7, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Thanx for the encouragement Alias Girl and Heartbeat. Actually, the really cute, really young ones are just eye candy to me ( even before, I guess I mostly thought of them as the male equivalent of “blondes” (I’m blonde myself, I mean the joke ones), and they didn’t attract me that much, or else they make me think of my sons!). I also have noticed that many men are either oblivious or clueless as to women’s ages. And others, well you can see instant panic as their eyes glaze over (she could be my mother!) and they slink off, pretending you don’t even exist. I’m not worried about it and wouldn’t stop myself for reasons of age, but generally the conversation only goes so far. If had my ‘druthers, I feel about 5 years younger would be good.

    Alias Girl, where are you taking yourself this week?

  9.  #9alias girl on January 7, 2009 at 7:32 pm

    Ahhhhhhh. I am having the BEST time dating myself. It is so interesting to see how sometimes I want something and then for some reason I’ll try to think of ways to withhold from myself or cheap out. (doesn’t even always have to do with money. sometimes it does. sometimes it’s just taking myself somewhere I want to go.) (although I am working on expansion with money as well. I walked into an Armani store a couple weeks back. Normally I would never even walk in the store. Like it was completely outside my reality and not for the likes of someone like me. I was like f that. And I walked in. Looked at things. Looked and price tags. And I was like, Oh, ok what’s the big deal? First, I wasn’t that impressed with the style of the clothes – not really me. and second, I can have those things if I want.) So similar to opening myself up to the cutie pies of the world (instead of only thinking I am eligible for duds. )

    it’s all about changing my thinking and my vibration.

    I am very excited. Oh, and I had a bath a few weeks back and scattered my fake rose petals all over the floor and lit candles. That was really really nice. Just all these little things I imagined would happen once I found my ideal mate I am now doing these things for myself. At first I was angry thinking I don’t want to be even MORE self sufficient. and here now in the areas of romance too. gag me.

    But it hasn’t been that way at all. I am falling in love with me and feeling pretty great and confident.

    Also, since I have clarified my actual dating goals of what I am truly looking for has caused a big shift as well.

    Oh, and I am trying to only dress in clothes that I feel really great in. even if it means I repeat outfits more often. I am tired of allowing my schlub to dress me. 🙂

    I feel very excited.

    thanks for asking caj 13. 🙂 I always date younger guys. 😉 I am open to all but I like the younger guys. I actually have more in common with them as I am very immature and haven’t really had alot of the common adult experiences of people my age. I guess one could say I am a little retarded in my social upbringing.

    bottom line is more I love myself, more attractive i am to everyone basically. and other bottom line is that it is MY life and what I want is what I want and that is one hundred percent valid. and i am innately deserving.

  10.  #10cookie on January 7, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    Hi ladies, just checking in with everybody. I’ve been thinking about the truth and what my truth is. Maybe its that all this leaning back may never bring my man closer, maybe we will not have children together or be married, maybe our relationship is over. Am I ok with that? Not really I mean damn I have been loving this man for 7 yrs but I can say that for the first time I said out loud to his sister even that someone will marry me because I’m a great girl. She agreed usually I would ask her what is he

  11.  #11alias girl on January 7, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    i heart rori raye. xoxo. rori i just read the suggestions you gave to the woman who goes by the name hurt and lonely (back there on the soap opera page with like a thousand comments or something) (calling it a soap opera page meant as funny not mean and judgmental. life is soap opera and we all love it ok.)

    anyway you’re responses feel just so bam! so right on. just like a laser beam. anyway. thank you. in the deepest deepest of my heart i thank you.

  12.  #12alias girl on January 7, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Jenaveeve maybe try riffing it out? so you can turn around the ick and muck. then once you feel good again you might expect different results and situation may magically turn around also?

    i am firm believer in magic. 🙂

  13.  #13cookie on January 7, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Saying to her about me (she was the one that told me that once he gets his car I’m out) but I said you know what it doesn’t matter. Imagining him moving on to someone does hurt me, but we’re not there yet. So I’m committing to doing rori’s tools n feeling my feelings n cryin when it hurts me (because it does) but knowing that I will be okay. And mayb there’s a guy out there that will share his luxuries w me, and value me enuff to not neglect me or string me along. Its still hard to believe that right now

  14.  #14Jenaveeve on January 7, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    Thanks Caj13 for your sympathy. You are right, I have been triggered and when that happens I just lose it. Im usually very positive and happy. Alias girl, you suggested I try riffing. Ive seen this word before but I dont know exactly what it is or how to do this. Which blogs do you suggest I read to learn how to do this?

  15.  #15alias girl on January 7, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    Hi Jenaveeve!

    Well if you look on the right hand sidebar of rori’s blog you’ll see a series of posts called the

  16.  #16alias girl on January 7, 2009 at 8:49 pm

    are you kidding me? what is the deal that this thing just posts whenever it wants to?????

    ok. on the sidebar is a series of post called the Power & Self Esteem. If you start from the beginning, the first post in the series, read rori’s first post. then do that exercise. then look at the comments posted and you will see other people’s process and also how rori tweaked the process for them.

    then read the next post, etc do the same thing for each post. do the exercises then read the comments. if you want to do them on this blog and have questions people will help you. if you want to do them privately that’s ok too.

    once you are all the way through you will have an amazingly POWERFUL TOOL to use for the rest of your life to help you process your feelings and become powerful from them rather than having them cripple you.

    i know it seems like a lot of work but i think we did them over the span of a week or something. take whatever time you need. and anway it gives you something to do while you are leaning back from these men who no longer FEEL good to you.

    also, if you don’t have rori’s ebook yet and want a great not too expensive place to start, that is a perfect way to start understanding the tools.

    you will turn this around if you want to and you will be amazed. your dreams can come true. xoxo

  17.  #17alias girl on January 7, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    yes cookie. just keep on the rori path. hang in there. you sound like you are in a lot of pain right now. you can find a lot of support and help and tools (and MAGIC!) here.


    sorry for the overuse of hugs and kisses but i am in a really great loving mood. 🙂

  18.  #18Bebe on January 7, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    Hi Alias Girl.
    Just want to say I smiled all through your post about loving yourself, feel so happy for you.
    Keep it up girl, I do agree with you about looking more polished and how good it feels and affects all you meet. Lots of times I am late to work, coz I change outfits 3x !
    It’s amazing all the ups and downs we go through, feel so thankful for Rori and this amazing blog
    Flower hug

  19.  #19Reshi on January 8, 2009 at 1:00 am

    Woohoo! Caj13 on a date, that’s hot! I am glad it went well.

    I’m currently finding myself not wanting a damn thing to do with younger men. Not even one day younger! Guys my age, or even 10 years older, are often handsome enough, I’ve found to my great delight. I feel like I’m WAY older than my age on a certain level and I want to talk to men who can offer something of substance as well as being attractive. I don’t care how old they are as long as they don’t look a day over 35! (As I am 31 and look 25 if not younger, I don’t think that’s an unreasonable expectation.) There are enough attractive ones currently e-mailing me that I’ve stopped contacting the “tolerable” ones…and that feels really good.

    My friends are flipping out at how active my love life appears to be. Really it isn’t that active, I’ve had all of 3 dates and X number of guys floating in the ether–I don’t consider them to really exist until I meet them face to face. And then when I meet them face to face, they’re gone, or so it seems. That’s fine. That’s exactly the level I can handle right now.

  20.  #20Maria on January 8, 2009 at 1:16 am

    l wanted to ask this long time, l dont know if it is allowed tho, but what site are you using?

  21.  #21Ann on January 8, 2009 at 1:37 am

    Hi Alias Girl, I loved your post. Would you mind sharing more about how you date yourself? I’ve been thinking about how I need to date myself once in awhile but not sure where to begin.


  22.  #22alias girl on January 8, 2009 at 1:59 am

    hi ann,

    well i just think of all the things i want a man to do for me and then try to do them for myself. i mean some women might already do these things but i came from a place of real self deprivation and esp when it comes to anything extra. so for me some of the things have to do with spending money but that needn’t be the case i imagine. (ie my fake rose petals were on sale for a dollar)

    but first date i pretended i was the man and the woman. i asked myself waht i really wanted to do. and what i really really wanted what i would flip for joy for if a man did for me was if he took me to a type of dance concert i like. so i knew there was this dance thing coming up so i researched it and map quested it. then as the woman i decide what outfit i would wear (nice dress, heels. hair nice etc) then it was funny bc i was a terrible man. (no gas in the car.not enough cash in my pockets, running late, poor directions etc) as a woman i could see how i might be annoyed with the man.since i was both i got to learn compassion for being the damn captain and how there is pressure attached to that position, also when i got there the freaking thing was a Music concert. i was so annoyed. (stupid man!) argh. i had so been looking forward to seeing dance. i hate watching that type of music. but we were already there what was i going to do?(hehe i said we) so i secretly begrudgingly paid a decent ant of $ and then as the woman i would have acted polite. in the end i actually enjoyed the music concert far more than i expected to.

    but the whole experiment was just eye opening for i got to go on a date! with someone i enjoy (me!) and someone i like to have sex with.;)

    but i also buy myself flowers now and do my nails and take myself places that i kept waiting to have a boyfriend to go to. i bought myself jewelry. (one can date onself without all the buying i am also just expanding my views habits and vibration about money as well)

    does this make sense? it’s not a big method or anything just something that evolved from a lack of dates in my attempts at circular dating and well i had to start somewhere. 😉

  23.  #23heartbeat on January 8, 2009 at 2:27 am

    Alias Girl, I’m SO MUCH enjoying reading your comments 🙂 🙂 those are GREAT ideas for dating oneself! I love the idea of being BOTH man and woman, that’s ace that is 🙂 I’m chuckling away here, you write with such transparency and wit, even when you’re down. And I relate to the bit about talking yourself out of doing or buying something nice cos of deprivation in the past.

    Two questions: Where’s the post you referred to as soap opera, and where can I get some rose petals 😉

  24.  #24Caj13 on January 8, 2009 at 4:10 am

    Yes, Alias Girl’s posts are all of the above and more – she is one Sensitive Clever Fabulous Goddess. The insights she got and shared from her man-woman experience are just so precious. Quasi quote from a Bhuddist: if you want to love yourself, show/feel compassion; if you want others to love you, show/feel compassion.

    As she’s prolly asleep now, the ‘Soap Opera’ one is from ‘Your story…Ask your questions…’

    I’ve been self-dating for quite some time. One day, I just realized that I wanted to see such-&-such because I love that sort of thing, it was starting in an hour and I could just make it, no one else would be interested, so I just told my family ‘I’m going to X’ and I went. And it was fabulous, I felt so good for days!. I even struck up a convo with the man next to me, to my utter astonishment (interesting till he turned out to be a racist Yuck).

    Actually, it took awhile to become a habit, but the more you go out and do it, the easier it becomes. You get the transportation part down, so you don’t have to think of that ahead of time, and more than that, once it’s a habit, you don’t Feel the downsides anymore. If there are pan-outs, no big deal, the next ‘date’ will make up for it. At first I thought, too bad I don’t have anyone to share this with. But later I realized I often prefer to go solo – I can really tailor things to my tastes and it facilitates interaction with others I may encounter there. Because I do choose stuff with that possibility – sitting alone in a moviehouse just doesn’t do it for me.

    If you look around, there’s all kinds of interesting, creative, compassionate stuff going on, for free or very little, and the people doing it are just dying to share it with you – as a spectator or as an active participant. Local theatre troupes, hiking clubs, classes (if you don’t want to take one, give one!), (lesser-known)sports events, choirs, handyman-technique demos, or just Play Tourist where you live – chances are one-time visitors know more about your town or county’s attractions than you do, or you’ll run into vacationers that you can clue in (and practice tools on – why limit yourself to the guy buying carrots at your supermarket?).

    (For you young mothers, perhaps form a group where you could watch the others’ kids while each in turn (or two together) has her Mom’s Night Out or Afternoon Off.) It could just be rotating, or the Mermaid Mommies who aren’t on the town can have a Moms’ Night In together with everyone’s children.)

    Life is just so hard for Anyone who’s isolated. Even people who work, so they at least have that distraction, can get numbed by the drudgery and sameness, and we all know how Absolutely Alone you can feel inside a ‘relationship’. You feel needy because you Are Needing: contact, perspective, fun, loving kindness. These are all legitimate needs, that you shouldn’t have to satisfy First (Can’t really), in order for you to feel like/deserve getting out there. Dating yourself is not a reward for getting your act together, it’s one of the best tools to achieve that.

    PS, If you really cannot go anywhere other than shopping, at least make a detour by the fix-it-yourself/building supply/auto accessory stores/departments. Look clueless, ask the men around for help.

  25.  #25heartbeat on January 8, 2009 at 4:34 am

    Thanks Caj13, I’ve found it! Good to hear from you too, and what you’ve been up to 🙂

    I got the date-myself thing going when a previous relationship was on the rocks; I looked online at events, some on the net, some on newsletters I subscribe to. I sat down and filled my diary; I didn’t always go alone in the end, sometimes with a date or a girlfriend, but I felt like an Adventurer! My car is my Horse 🙂

    You’re right, there is so much variety. I took up a sport, although I’m a creative person. It feels great, I look forward to lessons almost more than anything.

    I’m off for the day now, catch up soon XX

  26.  #26Tracy on January 8, 2009 at 4:58 am

    i feel sad,i feel alone……….i feel my heart is tensed,i feel lost.i feel so low,i miss him and i want to tell him that.i feel like i have lost him and i hate the fact that i have to start all over again.i feel i will not be able to move on.i feel tensed now a sense of helplessness.i feel i have no control of how he feels,and there is nothing more i can do.I love the fact that i can express my feelings,that i am sinking into this low sad helpless feeling.i want to have control over my hapiness to be able to feel happy without him to be free.I want to feel relief, i want to feel happy again i want to feel loved.

  27.  #27Tracy on January 8, 2009 at 5:52 am

    wow.i just saw my love interest,and i smiled said hi and kept moving,and i was walking something inside kept telling me i should go back,strike a conversation find out how he’s doing like i always did in the past…it kept nudging me but i managed to walk away…………yepee!
    my first baby step and i am so proud of myself.
    i feel so happy i am not overfunctioning i leaned back this time, i actually did, and it feels good!i feel i am gaining control of my self my feelings my hapiness..thanks rory for your tools and thanks all you ladies for your lovely posts.they really help!

  28.  #28Caj13 on January 8, 2009 at 6:21 am

    Yay, Tracy! Hug yourself, and press a little harder, knowing that comes from all of us. XOXO

    <3Beat – been Snowed In! so not too much – but I manage the Essential like my real date yesterday, despite the ice and a train strike, and Traditional (folk) Dancing (good friendly crowd, lotsa men all ages, and if they bother going, they bother dancing, so they ask the ladies who are there to dance (half the French dances are in couples, so you need a partner). Have a nice ride, XOXO

  29.  #29Samat on January 8, 2009 at 6:43 am

    I really like the idea of dating myself. I have been trying to do it for a long time but I always feel very uncomfortable for example if I want to go to a new restaurant or even an old one where ive been to with people. I feel weird and lonely and lame. Can anyone else relate to that? I am ok though for example taking myself shopping and movies, anywhere where noones gona get a long time to watch me be lonely

  30.  #30Linda on January 8, 2009 at 7:05 am

    I always tell the truth. I cant live with myself if I dont. I may stuff it or think thru it for a bit.. but I do communicate in a non threatening way. I always treat another person the way I want to be treated…… anyway I am so glad that it got the desired results here for the initial post. I wish it worked that way for me. When I used feeling statements, told the truth and was confident. I was accused causing pressure. Of course we are only responsible for what we say and how we say it not how the hearer interprets it. Even if there was room for questioning what I said… there could have been room for clarification. I told my man that “I hoped that this would be the last Thanksgiving we had to spend apart and I had really wished I was going with him” He later told me that I was pressuring him and pursuing him….now he doesnt even talk to me. So It has taken me a bit to recover and reconcile that I will still tell the truth… it is just that I really hope I get a good result instead of being dumped.


  31.  #31Tracy on January 8, 2009 at 7:27 am

    thanks CJ 13.It feels great to riff it all out and just let the feelings flow.i feel so much better now.Yes it stil hurts,Yes i stil think of him,but am slowly getting comfortable under my own skin,being happy with who i am and where am at wether good or starting to be at peace with myself.I have never felt this way before.The holes are starting to fill up with Just me.I am learning more about me,and how to make me happy..and it feels great.

  32.  #32bebe on January 8, 2009 at 9:08 am

    Great advice about putting yourself in plush male enviroments.
    SAMAT this is one of my bravest baby steps I ever took. Going on purpose alone into a nice place sitting at the bar, after work hours. If you smile , and radiate happiness you will be amazed.
    First time I feel embarasshed to say I pretending I was waiting for A girlfriend, who was running late, I ordered drink etc, made eye contavt etc., talked then pretended she called me on my cell and not going to make it. Pathetic! But I DID IT!
    Now, I feel good and know how easier it is for men to approach woman on her own, just smile do open palms, stand tall, one foot behind other etc.
    When I went to a business networking event cocktails I couldn’t shake man away. Had to give out card a few times One of them immediately asked me out via e for Sat. night,
    So just be open .
    One trouble I have.
    Sometimes, I feel Iold, too old to still be out . ‘looking’ BUT My face, body, skin even voice looks and sounds much younger. Yes this is a good thing, I feel like I am 25 and starting fresh again.
    However men much younger have asked me out have gone on dates with them They never ask age, assume it is theirs or younger. I don’t want another child, unless man already has one. I feel I am a terrific Mommy.
    So tomorrow I plan on going out with a girlfriend for a couple of hours I feel wicked Witchy and powerful when they all look ,younger and older ones.
    Love that image of the Horse.

  33.  #33Caj13 on January 8, 2009 at 9:38 am

    Linda, Remember it’s all about You,in other words, as Tracy says it even better, “Just ME”. Meaning the words Me, I, Myself pass because they relate to yourself and the feelings only you can have. But the word YOU, and often We as well, in Your Mouth is about Him – goes into his territory, presumes something about him, and as you saw, he was not flattered or engaged but pushed away. It’s His prerogative to talk about himself, or not. I think Rori just mentioned this in a recent post or e-letter: Keep the ‘You’ word and its derivatives out of your feeling messages and power speeches inasmuch as possible (and We as well if it means specifically you+him).

    So let’s tweak your comments: “I hoped that this would be the last Thanksgiving we had to spend apart and I had really wished I was going with him” Could become: “I hope this will be the last Thanksgiving I have to spend without the man I love.” Here you’re expressing your want for the future, but it doesn’t necessarily involve him. “It always felt so wonderful and warm participating in this family holiday as a couple.” And here you’re telling him about one of the good feelings you got out of the relationship, but again it’s not about him so much as this third entity, the relationship, that you’d created together. In your own words, of course, do you think this would make him feel off the hook but allow him to see how he contributed to your happiness?

    I know we women just delight in talking about our man, and adore it even more if he tells Us how wonderful We are to him (with as many details as possible, svp, and don’t forget, Every day), but guys mostly aren’t into that, so there’s no point in doing unto them as we wish they’d do unto us. Yes they think about us, but not ‘Gee I wonder what she’s doing right now? Would she like flowers tonight? I think I may have just possibly perhaps hurt her feelings this morning, what exactly did she mean? – maybe better watch out in future’. They’re concentrating on their work or fishing or drinking beer or Nothing – remember, one thing at a time, rarely multi-tasking. And whether they have a special someone or not, men get sexual thoughts/urges/feelings whatever dozens of times a day (apparently). I imagine this constant ‘distraction’ gets associated with their girl, makes them feel warm and fuzzy for a moment, and then just gets sidelined if they’re to carry on with the tasks at hand.

    Samat, I know how you feel in ‘regular’ restaurants, and you might feel even worse when they stick you next to the kitchen or worse. I feel more comfortable going to more casual kind of places, where there’s more coming and going, like ‘outdoor cafes’, or places that have live music or something to watch, like a river or harbor outside the windows. It may be leaning forward to Start conversations with men, but you can allow yourself a few words with women, couples, old folks, wait staff that show you didn’t come out alone to be by yourself. Who knows, as you’re laughing with someone about something, your sparkly eyes might just catch those of the cutie who was listening in? (Train yourself not to look away too quick!)

  34.  #34Daria on January 8, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    I’m feeling full of tension… I really liked Rori’s e-zine tool about Using Rage as fuel… I hope to be able to do this… I often find myself wandering around the house doing meaningless things and having pieces of interactions with my man in my head… in fact I’ve been doing this all morning… I feel drained… I feel tightin my mouth and heavy in my right side stomach… I feel SO ANGRY! WOW !! I FEEl like I am being drained of life force… I feel discouraged… I came to Rori’s work to let go of this man’s hold over my life (or win him back says a voice) and I don’t know what I’ve accomplished. I’ve accomplished that I now know how to date like a Diva. I am not into catering to men any more… and that feels a little like lifting my head… I also might have amped up my attraction skills as men are always telling me that I’m sexy and attractive… and I am able to move slower and not speak with them… I almost feel bored and annoyed… it’s always oh you are so sexy… blah blah… when my heart doesn’t feel at HOME the way it does with this man… well if I was to powerspeech him I would have to say… I’m still in love with you… basically that would be my whole power speech feeling… no… I would say… I feel like I’m in love with you and I don’t feel loved back the same way… and that feels awful… I feel drained… I feel desperate… I feel amused?… I feel worthless… I feel scared… and I really want a relationship where I feel I can love 100% and am loved back 100% in return… and I am going to lean back now and give space in my life for that to happen… although I REALLY REALLLY REALLLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALYY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALY Want it to be YOU! and that feels like crying right now… IT feels like being abandoned… It feels confusing sad… I feel so desperate… I feel so tired sooo tired of living my inner life like this… I try SO HARD to change it and maybe that is not the way to change it… I tell my sister and myself that I feel son ANGRY at him and I don’t want to talk to him… and then well within the same moment I feel so much COMPAssion for him…

  35.  #35Daria on January 8, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    Ok I took a break to talk to my mom and meanwhile just read Rori’s last letter which really speaks to my situation of being a friend…

    The thing is I have “sworn friendship” to this man many years ago when we were young and that feels confusing… I don’t want to not be friends with him… that would feel weird… we are part of the same large group of friends even though our circle has been drifting apart… I believe in lifetime friendships unless there is something to break it… so I feel guilty because my desire to be with him … I guess that has to break our frienship? I don’t want to break our friendship. I just want to stop liking him.

    I have grown so much over these last 6 years of that I have known him so I guess I am not in the same place emotionally, mostly because of Rori’s work I am learning to “be a woman” and date… instead of being a girl or being “one of the boys.” The thing is that I miss my friends although that is not really related because we are all drifting apart at this time it seems, not just me…

    Maybe I am resisting putting myself first and really commiting to myself and diva dating and leaning back because I fear I will lose all my friends and I will have to be alone until I find “the one.” I fear being alone I felt so happy the past years for having a group of friends that felt like being supported and it bolstered my self esteem…

    I feel confused and worried… I don’t know if I am making sense I feel like I am running in circles in this post… that feels like looking down and hanging my head…, the truth is that I HAVE let my friends go, I don’t call them anymore… the truth is that they haven’t called me but they DO call me like even last nite… the truth is I feel worried about an impending financial disaster issue if this man does not do what he has promised to do… I feel so desperate and I really want to control the outcome because I don’t want to shoulder this financial issue that I got myself into by helping him out if he does not come thru… I am considering contacting his mom and talking to her about it… I would feel weird doing that… I WAnt to contact him and talk to him about it to reassure myself that he Will come through… and I feel worried about that, I feel like that is rude to him and all my negative thinking will attract a negative outcome… but I feel tense in my left head, and I love my tension… I want to NOT call him and in a way that seems like punishing myself… I feel so scared of this financial thing… except I have noticed that when I feel scared it is a feeling I am going through and when I calm my fears about one thing possibly going wrong I come up with anohter thing that coudl possibly go wrong and my fear persists. I wish Rori was helping me personally everyday … I am sure everyone wishes that… I wish I could always get her specific advice although I feel worried that that could become a crutch for me instead of me making my own decisions… I feel confused… I feel squeezing in the left side of my head and I love my squeezing… I feel tension in my feet, I feel tingling in my shoulders and heaviness in my stomach… I love my tingling, my squeezing and my heaviness in my shoulders, head and stomach… I love the tension in my feet too… that feels like relaxing in my head… that feels like being pressed head first into a wall… I love my feeling pressed head first into a wall… that feels like yawning… I love my yawning… I feel SO FRUSTRATED… I feel like contacting him to quell this desperate fear… I feel like NOT contacting him to avoid initiating contact… I feel like I deserve to be financially burdened by him because I came through for him and that will be an excuse (well a reason) to end the friendship… I Feel like I am punishing myself… I feel like I am energetically and manifestingly punishing myself… and that feels like relief… I lvoe that I Am punishing myself and that I can say that… I love myself… I love that I am hard on myself… I love that I feel I deserve punishment… and that feels like crinkled up quizical eyebrow… and I know a part of me wants to stop punishing myself and I lvoe that part too… and that feels like tensing up left shoulder and shallow breath and I love my shallow breath and tense left shoulder… I love my feelings.. I love my desperation and tension in my stomach… I love taht it says it won’t go away until I call him… that is ok… I lvoe you and I’m here for you… I don’t want to call him.. you don’t have to go away… I love you… I love you even though my head hurts… I lvoe my hurting left head… I love my little smile… I love the tingles in my shoulders, and the tension in my stomach… I love that I am at the mercy of this man in yet another way…

  36.  #36alias girl on January 8, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    daria that sounds like a very painful place you are in emotionally. ok although you already know this i am going to play along. although you know rori’s tools don’t have anything to do with controlling results or controlling other people i am going to respond as if it does. IF YOU WANT THIS MAN YOU NEED TO BECOME THE KIND OF WOMAN THAT THIS MAN IS ATTRACTED TO. which is probably a non desparate woman who has her pick of men, enjoys her life, has a HIGH DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY, boundaries, self love a fountain of self love pouring onto herself that if he gets close enough to her he gets to stand in the lovely mist of and feel refreshed and love spilling over. so even if you end up doing all of rori’s suggestions with the motivation to win this man back at least you will have gained immensely and may even perish the though—- find someone better for you. or at least someone available.

    i know you know this already. i know you are just riffing and venting to get it out so i am almost hesitant to interfere as it is your glorious process and nobody wants to be fixed by anyone else. they want to figure it out for themselves. nobody just wants gold medal handed to them they want to actually run the gruelling race.:)

    so forgive me if i overstep by saying what i said. my intention is love but sometimes it gets misdirected into busybodiness.

    you are a lovely godess. absolutely.

    heartbeat. i got my rose petals at a little shop but i think i ikea sells them. maybe google? or check ikea website?

  37.  #37Daria on January 8, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    I REALLY want to call him to calm my fears but I feel that energetically this might push away from the outcome I want on this financial issue… because I keep worrying that he will not come through and the responsibility will fall on my head… although he said he will come through, and well it would be fairly easy for him to do that, as well as fairly easy for him not to… I feel like I WANT to talk to him to reassure and reconfirm that he will come through… I don’t know how much of this has to do with me liking him because I did trust him as a friend and I feel worried that he will not come through as a friend… I would not have done this favor for most of my other friends as they don’t have my trust the way he does… and now I am worried he will break the trust because maybe he is distracted by his new girlfriend or wahtever issues he is having in his life… this feels like squeezing in my pelvis… I love the squeezing in my pelvies… I LOVE feeling desperate and abandoned and used and scared and worried and tense… that feels like tension in my neck, like forward and intense focused eyes… I love the tension in my neck, I love my forward and intense focused eyes… I feel SO WORRIED.. its like i just know that the WORST OUTCOME is going to happen… I love myself… I love that a part of me wants the worst outcome to happen, and yet a part of me does not, I know it… and I love that part of me too… a part of me wants the worst outcome to happen because it wants me to be low so I can rise up to the top BY MYSELF and feel powerful and superior… I love that part of me… that feels like smiling and I love my hero, my part that loves challenges… thank you… and a part of me feels terrified, a part of me wants to feel protected and taken care of and safe, and I love that part of me too… and that feels like tensing in my neck, my hip and and right thigh, and pinching in my left hip… I love these feelings… I love all this Anxiety I am experiencing lately because I don’t know what to call it… I think this is anxiety because I have never really been sure what anxiety is but I think this is it… and that feels like yawning… I wonder why I am experiencing this anxiety, what is hiding under my anxiety? I love myself… I feel like picking up a big hammer and knocking myself out with it so I don’t have to feel anymore… yay! THat woudl feel great, just blissfully sleeping… and that feels like smiling… I want to love my feelings… I Want to feel happy I am feeling them and I feel love for the part of me that does not want to feel them too… I want to feel JOY and SECURITY… and that feels like light tension in my jaw, more tension in my left head and hmmph sounds and a smiling… I love my smile… I love the tension in my jaw and my head… maybe my blood sugar is low and that’s why I feel anxiety… that feels like pinching in my right shoulder and weird sounding tension in my left jaw and head… I KNOW I will not find a man I feel close to like I do to this one that I have known for 6 years… I don’t know why I feel I must write that but I am glad I wrote it down… I love the part of me that feels so sure of that even though it is not true… thank you… I’m here for you and I won’t abandon you,,, and I am incharge and will do what feels good now… It would feel great if I felt every man I could love and trust like I did this man… what’s strange is that I feel worried that even if he does break my trust and totally f me up financially I will still love him and want him… and that is ok…. I love myself and my capacity for totally unconditional love for all losers that come within my heart range… I used to be very proud of this quality until I have learned from Rori that unconditional love is not the way… which I still feel confused about… because I think it is the way on some level… and I lvoe myself but I can understand how it does not lead to attraction… maybe no one would be attracted to or want to be in a relationship with Buddha or Jesus either…

  38.  #38Daria on January 8, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Heyy! I noticed Alias Girl answered to me and that feels like smilng real big! I LOVE ALIAS GIRL… I always feel like I understand her and therefore assume she understands me…

    You are so right Alias Girl… that is exactly where I was getting to with the Buddha or Jesus thing I last said (not meant to offend just my thought process at this time)…

    I WANT to be the kind of woman he is ATTRACTED to… and I agree that that is the kind of woman he is attracted to… I see that now… and I have come a ways towards that but not enought to attract him or feel comfortable in myself or find him boring YET… I want to get there… I am worried about Rori saying in today’s ezine that the way is not to make yourself into someone he would find attractive… yet it seems that is exactly what we are doing? I feel confused, yet it is a good feeling because I feel happy that using Rori’s tools will make me more attractive and make me feel better.

  39.  #39Maria on January 8, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    l want to rejoyce. l did a little ( or major) babystep today. hmmm. Let me tell you, this was understanding what it really means to FOCUS ON YOU.
    Ok honestly l thought that focusing you is about hair and make up and SPA. to make myself more appealing to HIM.But this week life showed me (or was it my own brain starting to think) that it is way bigger picture.
    l belive in one statement – if you go for your dreams, the universe is helping you to put together the missing pieces in the puzzle. And that works.
    Honestly, l am a bit afraid to tell, cos l dont want to loose this good and promising feeling l have now inside me, which seems like key to light.
    See, l did not know how to focus on myself before. How to really focus on myself. But thats how the baby steps are for.
    Something happened yesterday and under that light l sat down and rolled my life in front of me. l managed to see, how some of my current desicions were clearly wrong and didnt made sense financially (money). l also managed to see how some parts of my lifestyle did not do well (health), and l took a plan to do the best under circumstances what to do about it. What else was happening, was l managed to make a plan, how to get few steps closer to achieving my dream, and it all made sense. l saw that not very few times l was trapped in few ways of not making the right desicion, cos time is precious. l also realized that l have done few compromizes that havent been good FOR ME: Realizing that all gave me such a power.
    Now, did u pay attention – no of MEN were marked in my plan. l put all my energy on focusing myself, and l realized that the ones that does not do the job, are out of the picture, cos l am not paying my energy to them. l AM JUST NOT INTERESTED.
    l will have my ups and downs, but realizing l was able to refocus myself gava me such a power.
    l dont know if that helps….

  40.  #40Maria on January 8, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    Daria – what l mean to say is – love yourself and the rest will follow, and you have no idea how surprised you might be of the results!

  41.  #41heartbeat on January 8, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    Caj13 – what a BRILLIANT comment to Linda about re-phrasing! Also about how we want guys to be like us – I laughed out loud 🙂

    Alias Girl – thanks, I like Ikea, another excuse to go 🙂 and have meatballs in the cafe too

    Maria – Hi Five!! Power to you, Queen, you first in your picture. I’m smiling thinking of you. 🙂

    Night night All! XX

  42.  #42Maria on January 8, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    Well, l belive this mindset is ATTRACTIVE. 🙂

  43.  #43alias girl on January 8, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    right daria. rori’s tools are NOTd(definitely not) designed to try and control outcomes or turn ourselves into something we are not. that is why i said i would Play Along and pretend they were just for the sake of argument and to give you a perspective you may be open to.

  44.  #44alias girl on January 8, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    i feel bad i said something. 🙁 is important to allow people their own process. i feel apologetic. i’m sorry.

  45.  #45Cookie on January 8, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    So my guy calls me in the morning now (since he switched to night shift) but times that I should be on the train and/or already working and not when I can really speak (like after I get off work). My mind is creating all these pictures about what’s happening, the truth is he is pulling away, i think (maybe this is me trying to control the outcome). When he asks ‘why don’t you call me”, I don’t know what to say but we don’t really speak or at least we haven’t had more than five minutes of phone time in the past few days and I’m like what the f is going on, but it’s my own anxiety and fear being surfaced. so i keep telling myself its going to be okay and i let rori into my brain and I believe her, that i do deserve love and that i should lean back. and i think of all the times i rearranged myself to be wherever he was, i even slept on the floor at his sister’s house, even in a cramped rooming house with mice and roaches, so he didn’t have to miss me under his arm at night (because he said he couldn’t sleep without me) even when i had a bed at home, all these years, running to and sacrificing for him, and I say I am not that woman anymore, the run to girl. I say I’m strong and wonderful and any guy that wants me will have to come up where I am not me going down to get them. My savior complex has got me hating my reflection because instead of exercising, I’m running to his house at night to sleep with him or make him dinner or do his nails or tweezer his ingrown hairs and then what he decides he wants to get a car and now its f me. That is crazy. I say all my life that I never wanted an unappreciative man, my dad was like that and I hated it about him even though he was a present and good father. and he was judgemental and never felt that anything was good enough. he still is like that and when i’m around him, i can’t ever be open and myself, he makes all these assumptions about me that are not true because he doesn’t know me. so i stay away from my own father and then i reach out to men that do the same thing. always picking men that in one way or another won’t choose me or judge me harshly as if they are doing me favors by being around me. and I’m like what’s wrong with me? I’m not drop dead gorgeous but i’m surely not ugly and even when i do lose 100 lb of weight and am madeover i can’t fix everything. So some of this stuff is just the way I was made to be. But how do you really love that stuff? How do you erase the years of feeling like you were ugly and hideous because you had flaws? Does it really work to just tell yourself that you are beautiful and worthy, because it doesn’t work for me. I don’t feel beautiful, not when the only other man that I loved beside my family is distancing himself from me, only wanting to touch me when he wants to get off, is angry with me because I assert my need to be pleased and thought about, is not leaning forward now that I’m leaning back but instead is stalemate, and the few men that I attract are not even people i want to hear on the other end of my phone. How in the hell am i supposed to feel good about that? I keep saying f him, i’m a goddess but right now they are just words, my heart wants to be close to him, and to have him calling me to spend time with me and take me out on a date, and to look at me all hungry like… But you know what even seven years ago, he never treated me this way, it was always me going to visit him because i was just home from college and back at home and he lived alone, and i would bring him food my mom made and he would be angry because everybody said he was using me, and we had a lot of good sex but we never went out that much because of his issues, his receding hairline, his not wanting to be looked at. And I remember always feeling a little unsettled even though i was completely open and raw and new to love and all those good feelings that saying i had a boyfriend finally could create. I remember him always saying how pretty the girls he used to talk to were and if me and him ever broke up how he would get him one of those pretty girls and flaunt her around me. But i stood by him anyway, because his family wouldn’t or at least he said they didn’t and he had trust issues because his other girl cheated on him. So I promised myself that I would never abandon him or cheat on him. And somewhere in my mind I still believe that nonsense. But really what is it that I want when I pine for him, I want a whole different relationship from the same man. I want him to step up and say “yes, i am ready for forever with you” and “yes, I will move out of my mother’s house”, and “yes, I do get it now, finally, it’s not about me, it’s about us and we”. But the truth is, the real truth, I don’t think he ever loved me in his heart, he loved me in his head because on paper he should, I’m college educated, successful, goal driven, sexy, a good cook, good in bed, down for him, loved him, etc. but all those things are what I am not who I am. And honestly I’m tired and I want someone that will love me without knowing what i know, or what i have, or what i can do. But just because i’m silly and funny and playful and creative and just me. Just because. Rori says just keep leaning back until so much space is created and you can really see. Truth is this relationship was never fully what I wanted it to be (only dished out in spurts when he was afraid he was losing me), I want someone to come support me when my family members die, or come on vacations with me so that’s it doesn’t always have to be girls time, or take me to dinner regularly, or ask in advance to spend time with me before making plans with the boys, or is excited about trying new things with me so i don’t always have to date myself, or take me with him when he goes to do things that I might enjoy, or is proud to be with me. I don’t know if he will turn into this guy because I distance myself and turn back to my life. I always do this when the relationship gets rocky, I take a class, I get a second, third, fourth job, I got out more with my friends, I get so tied up and then he starts calling and he will take me out once or twice and be sweet to me for a little while and I enjoy it and then feel like i have to reciprocate with the love and then I sacrifice again, except now I have a class to attend, and a second job to work, and him so what gets cut out, me, my time, my lovemaking to me. Not anymore. This will be the difference, even if he never comes back.

  46.  #46alias girl on January 8, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    cookie i feel happy you checked in. things are already shifting for you. just hang on for the ride. you will get stronger and stronger. 🙂

    i feel ill. suddenly bleh. ick. i feel down. only temporarily only in this moment. but actually this is Terrific. ah yes it is i just as suddenly realize. bc i realize why i suddenly feel this way and it is man-related and i can witness how the behavior of this man towards me makes me FEEL. and right now it is not good. I can separate the man from the behavior. I really like the man and the way i feel when he treats me well. i still like the man but do not want to be around him or give him my GOOD energy or love when he treats me poorly.

    what do i do if a man calls or texts and i feel gross about him. i actually don’t feel like talking to him but I don’t want to feel rude. but i totally want nothing to do with him in this moment when he is all grossing me out with his gross behavior? Do i ignore calls/texts? that seems weird. do i say i feel gross? i feel unwilling to talk to you right now. i feel hateful! hah hah i wouldn’t choose that feeling to share.

    i feel disappointed? is that sort of subtly directing blame at him. plys that’s a really sensitive one for men. men do not like to feel like they are disappointers.

    i feel like you are paying stupid ass games and acting like a third grade moron? no, ok that’s no good. i feel tired of your crap. no that’s not what i want to communicate. i feel so out of your league when you act like this that i simply cannot allow my goddess energy to flow towards you AT ALL! hahahahahah. that’s a good one but i’m not going to say that.

    i feel ?????? i feel hurt mad angry sad tired of your crap lonely mad angry run over triggered disrespected triggered by being reminded of all the crap you’ve done in the past.

    i feel???? spiteful, like a fool to give you the time of day. (no, that’s not true i like him), protective, uninterested

    hah. i felt uninterested in the familiar dynamic i was experiencing and so i wanted to distance myself a little from it. sorry i didn’t get back to you. dumbass.

    argh. i’ll use that one without the dumbass part. he’s lucky i give him the time of day. argh. i feel angry. i am so excited that i have three boyfriends so when one metamorphs into a dumbass i have two back ups plus many many many cutiepies vying for my goddess attention.

    babysteps. imperfect babysteps.

  47.  #47alias girl on January 8, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    argh. he keeps calling.

    i feel??? i feel??? i felt? I feel? what do i feel?

    i feel scared of looking forward to things people say when i can’t count on it. i feel disappointed. i feel unwilling. i feel angry that i am upset. i don’t even really feel upset anymore.

    i felt upset? no, that’s such a loaded woman word with so much negative connotation.

    i feel happy to hear from you. sorry i didn’t get back to you. i was feeling unimportant?

    i was feeling like i wanted to focus on more pleasant things than a head trip from you.

    i feel happy to hear from you. sorry i didn’t get back to you but i felt confused about how i felt in that moment so i just wanted to take some time and be with myself. ?

    argh. closer. maybe by the time i actually speak with him i will say something i FEEL GOOD saying. and that is still true and authentic and expressive and expansive.


  48.  #48alias girl on January 8, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    the truth is i felt disappointed and i am so tired of feeling disappointed by this pud. there is a part of me that wants to WITHHOLD from him and that is not being vulnerable. argh. i don’t want to tell him i felt excited about seeing him today and then felt deflated when it didn’t happen. i feel like an idiot saying that. obviously it wasn’t that important for him to go out of his way to see me so i feel (vulnerable is the accurate word here but i want to say i feel weaker.) like i am vying against a man for the man spot. as usual. i don’t want to admit how much i like him. ah yes i can feel the light and warmth of the truth as i get closer to it right now.

    i don’t want to admit how much i like him or how looking forward i was to seeing him. then i fear he will think he has me in the palm of his hand. which is absolutely ridiculous 1) bc he doesn’t 2) bc i have never acted like he does.

    well sometimes i have when i get angry when he purposefully makes me angry. ah damn. this is same ol same ol. goes back to my family who purposefully tried to make me angry so i would be the weaker species.

    damn. damn. i feel tired of giving so much enrgy to this. i may just blow him off. who cares. i care but i feel over this stupid thing. i don’t feel like dealing with it and argh/rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    i feel rrrr. let him decipher. heheh.

    i fear i will be ms. cool like i always am and i don’t believe this is the way to build a strong and intimate connection with anybody.

    the truth is i feel vulnerable being vulnerable and it feels safer to stay in my shell. the truth is i feel happy to hear from him but i don’t want to be reactive to his crap like a little sexdoll puppet that he pulls the strings with.

    i feel distant from you. i was going to wait until i felt closer to call you then. i feel like i want you to see a PARADE of cutie pies lining up to treat me like a goddess. i so totally do not feel like responding to him.

    i didn’t feel like responding to you.


    bc i felt it a useless exercise in self hatred

    no really why?

    bc i don’t want to waste one more second of my precious life pinning my romantic hopes and dreams on someone who does not absolutely see me as his queen.

    no really why?

    bc i was in a weird place and i didn’t want to take it out on you.


    bc i was looking forward to seeing someone i really like today and he was unable to make it.

    oh, that’s unfortunate. i bet he regrets not being able to see you.

    yes, i bet he does too.

  49.  #49Ann on January 8, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    alias girl thank you so much. This is a perfect example of perception. And for me the preconcieved notion of what the word”dating” signifies.

    Some of the things you’ve described I’ve done but never thought of them as “dating” myself. I just thought I was celebrating me by being good to me.

    I learned several years ago to let go of the guilt about spending money on me. I actually like to spend money on me now. If it’s something I need or want.

    I love the way you took yourself on a date and played both roles.

    I like taking this journey of self acceptance, with you ladies. I’m also looking to be more adventurous.

  50.  #50Reshi on January 8, 2009 at 10:12 pm


    Ok, I know I’m not supposed to play favorites with my circular dates but I can’t help it, the one I liked best and was a little hung up on called me tonight (after I deleted his profile from my favorites and crossed his name off the list, mind you–before that I was just thinking about him way more than I should have been). I talked to him for like an hour, it was great but when I mentioned something about meeting he abruptly was all “oh I don’t want to keep you up too late.” I was enjoying talking to him and probably should have gotten myself off the phone sooner, but I’m really not that worried.

    Its funny, these guys always say they’ll call at such and such time. And I always *do* get called at that time. But never by the guy who said he was going to. Rori is so right, having many is the way to go. ‘Cause like, if Tom doesn’t call but then Dick calls, I forget all about Tom. (But 2 of mine are named Tom so it gets confusing…)

    The scary thing is the speed. I get down into myself and write a poem or do a ritual and INSTANTLY someone’s bashing down my door trying to get to me. This is where I need my Mom with her stick. 😀 at the same time I can point to the fact that they aren’t asking me out with any degree of regularity and say “what’s wrong with me, oh, I must be undesirable.” (Especially since I’ve had no second dates. But I think it’s just as much that guys can pick up on when I’m not so interested in them. They seem good at that, actually.)

    I feel very intellectual and head-centered. Maybe it’s this guy’s influence rubbing off on me. I did get out a few feeling messages and was proud of myself.

    Cookie, I can relate to feeling ugly and hideous because of my supposed flaws. I remember weighing 110 lbs and guys telling me I wasn’t skinny enough for them to consider me attractive. I wish I could tell you how I started to see myself as beautiful in a way that makes sense…but maybe I don’t need to, maybe Rori’s Paint Yourself tool is all that is necessary. (You can find it in the blog archives.)

  51.  #51Daria on January 8, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    Ok So I just had a SUPER PRACTICE DATE! Reshi just like you said I was doing my “riffing” as you can see here earlier… and all of a sudden a guy I don’t know calls me to tell me that another guy who was trying to see me (that I don’t really feel attracted to) GAVE him my number…. SO WEIRD… so I was going to the gym RIGHT THEN in his neighborhood so I told him he can call me after the gym at 5 30 and he did… so I went to meet him (my choice) nearby… we drove around in his car (fun for me – yes some might think is weird) and hung out… and talked… and made out! because I started feeling he was cute halfway lol! Ok here’s what I learned:

    I kept looking him in the eye… and he was like Whoa… and then he tried to stare at me without breaking eye contact and I kept doing it (I was feeling very confident) while changing my facial expression as my feelings were changing… we wound up looking away at the same time and he said NO GIRL does that or can do that and that is amazing (LOL he seemed like he was falling for me)

    I got REALLY triggered and uncomfortable right before and during making out when the idea of sex came up in my head! I always do this! I get triggered by sex “stuff” I just realilzed that! And I wanted to ask him something about it or tell him something I wanted (and I felt I Couldn’t because I was so triggered it was like being silenced!!! ) So I kept trying to follow my feelings and finally did say it awkwardly and we wound up totally laughing because he said THATs what you wanted to ask… and proceeded to say back to me all the things I had said to beat around the bush (because I felt afraid to express it)… lol I felt embarassed and so relieved and told him I would go home and practice (little does he know that is EXACTLY what I’m doing now lol)

    I am now starting to believe the Mama Gena stuff (recommended to Bethany by Rori) that we can train almost ANY man as long as we feel confident… as long as I didn’t feel triggered I actually followed my feelings and although I didn’t think I would like him at first now I do! YAY!

    I totally focused on myself and my feelings! A lot of times with guys I feel good and sexy and sometimes nervous and triggered or drifting off however I followed my feelings and stared at my own thigh, rubbed my fingers together a la modern Siren and let the silences BE… I could actually FEEL the lean back mode vs. the lean forward.. Oh and this DROVE HIM CRAZY I MEAN he got really into me (as do other men when I do the lean back). What was cool this time is that I could actually keep my thoughts focused on “What am I feeling?” “Tense in my thigh, tight in my head?” instead of “should I say it’s time to go” “what is he thinking” or anything else… YAY my focus on self muscle is building…

    I totally got triggered and got told I HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM! ME! SILENT ME HAS AN ANGER PROBLEM! It turns out that I’m not so silent as I thought I Was, I just don’t notice it about myself because I’m so used to it! I got triggered when we started talking about seeing each other and I told him I don’t want to drive to him and he said he doesn’t think that’s fair … and I said… LOL… F it then, don’t come pick me up! … Now I thought this was totally valid and a normal casual thing for me to say! I was DEFENDING myself ! NO NO NO! LOL! That is not the thing to say Daria! I feel So EXCITED I caught myself! Even though it seems like NO BIG DEAL to me… it is to a man! He thought I had an ANGER problem! YAY! This is great because I can totally notice it now and say… I feel angry! YAY!

    When I feel ANGRY! BOY! I Feel like running out of there… making casual sarcastic comments that sound like anger problems… and often I feel SCARED! Yes I felt scared he was going to hit me (never gave an indication of even considering it, didn’t even raise his voice) I FEEL this a LOT with men! It’s like I start looking at their arm and flinching and feeling scared they will hit me! Well this time instead of just getting triggered I SAID: “I feel SCARED… sometimes with men when we are not on the same page I feel afraid of being hit or something!” WEll…. that felt so relieving to say… my fear instantly vanished! He made a crinkled brow face and said he would never do that…. I feel so glad to see this is a TRIGGER for me! YES!

    So In conclusion I realized I get triggered by being approached for physical intimacy, asking for physical or sexual things I want, disagreeing with a man. I want to “flow” these through and I believe I will have reached super sex-pot goddess status although even right now I feel very sexy goddessy and high status…

  52.  #52Daria on January 8, 2009 at 11:47 pm

    Alias Girl I know you are just expressing I just want to say I reallly like it when you comment on my stuff It makes me feel special! Lol… I feel like I am hitting on u with my feeling messages ( I am totally straight!) ANd now I feel really embarassed sorry… It does so even though you might be feeling weird about saying something about someones process no one says that just because someone comments the person is not still doing “their own” process… in fact your comments are probably good! they are an exchange and engagement of another person and I think Rori encourages us to comment and help each other and I do believe it helps (though in other situations besides this forum I would not have thought so but of course here is magical like you say).

    Reshi I am so happy you have lots of dates YAY ! I totally like how you are getting them right after a ritual or somethng I would really want to know some rituals that you are doing so I can do them more often I think I do them but not totally consciously and would love to “step my game up” in this department!

    Cookie for someone new to Rori’s stuff you sure seem like you have been practicing them on your own for awhile! You go girl! I feel awed that you instinctively did this stuff on your own (get another job, go out, focus on self)! I think you are very close to what you want (self – knowledge? love? just came up for me) and your look at yourself and your relationship is so INSIGHTFUL! WOW you are AMAZING! You are so BRAVE to be so honest with yourself I see parts of my relationship in what you describe and am awed by how honest and observant you are without seeming to be triggered! You seem like you are so sure of yourself and so confident! that is awesome!

  53.  #53alias girl on January 9, 2009 at 12:35 am

    i feel like i could cry. seriously. ann maria daria caj 13 reshi cookie cassandra jenneve bethany linda heartbeat marplot linda damn i feel like i’m giving an oscar speech and will forget someone very important (because we ALL are very important!) but everyone on here is so freaking amazing and i could just cry. i learn so much from you ladies. ah damn i’m crying. seriously i find it ridiculous that you women have touched me and i don’t even know you. just goes to show life is so much more than what we can just touch feel see hear taste.

    so ex #1 and ex#2 called back to back. i actually feel overwhelmed letting men into my life. for some reason. i feel scared of dating more than one man. even though i am honest i feel like i am cheating and doing something wrong . also since i’ve raised my attraction level as well as my degree of difficulty it seems men get Very interested which initially in this moment freaks me out and sends my attraction for them waning. (that sentence doesn’t even make sense)anyway i feel in brand new territory and it is both exciting and a little making me unsure.

    also i don’t know if i will like having sex with someone when it’s expected of me. (ie marriage? relationship?) i feel pressured when in that situation and have a hard time locating my desire.

    i just feel like i am in brand new situations (oddly bc these are exs) i feel a little nervous. also i am still open to dating alot of men. i feel like my skinsuit can’t hold my new expansiveness and i feel it pressing from the inside and the outside. i feel weird. but excited too.

    and also super excited to read of everyone’s journey on here too. (i feel like i am in underground secret society)(which feels really fun)

    i am so excited to read everybody’s words!!! no matter what they are going through!

    daria thanks for understanding my overstepping or at least what felt like that to me.i am so excited about your evening and your insights and practicing new behavior.

    and reshi you freaking go girl. you totally have your date on! and your magic godess rituals.

    and maria with you fab new insights! and you are all so totally appreciated!

  54.  #54heartbeat on January 9, 2009 at 6:34 am

    Alias Girl – YOU are so AMAZING, witty and honest, once again I have to say I just LOVED your ‘feeling messages’ comments! Thank you for sharing your process, I relate to it totally and you made me smile and want to hug you 🙂

  55.  #55Caj13 on January 9, 2009 at 11:11 am

    Hi Cookie Queen: It sounds to me, too, like you’ve stepped back enough to be Able to see, so now you just have to Let Yourself Look at what’s in front of your eyes: a whole world of possibilities, of men who were not made in the only mould you knew. Believe it, accept it, embrace it. Besides all those qualities you’ve so far invested elsewhere, you have your own unique vantage point and inner flame of feelings to help you get oriented and attract what will fulfill all your desires.

    And you know, this worthiness/unworthiness thing plagues ALL of us. (Sometimes I wonder if it’s on the X chromosome, or what purpose it serves in evolution. Whatever – that doesn’t get me out of my pit of undeservingness, and doubt it will you, either.) Anyway, I’ve been doing the mantras and stuff (and stuff and stuff, this is such a big, basic issue), to very uneven results, and today I just decided to Allow Myself to Feel Unworthy. And Bam! It hit me, springing out as the next part of the same sentence: …and I ALSO Feel that Isn’t True BECAUSE I Know (and often Feel) I AM WORTHY. And I felt like crying and laughing at the same time, so I did – multi-tasking reigns (like the Queens we are).

    Had some thoughts on a few of your comments: “When he asks ‘why don’t you call me?’”, can you not just say “I don’t feel like it”? If he asks why and you feel you want to say something, just “That’s how it is, that’s all” and Don’t explain. (What’s there to explain – that’s the real reason).

    You wrote these about your father or your guy, but they struck me as probably equally about yourself: “i can’t ever be open and myself, he makes all these assumptions about me that are not true because he doesn’t know me.” “(He) is angry with me because I assert my need to be pleased and thought about”
    Dear Goddess, if You can’t be Yourself, who can you possibly be? If You cannot assert Your needs, who can ? Ok, I posed 2 general questions, but look at All the terms of the original sentences to see if they aren’t parasitic prompts from your Nasty Voices that are not actually true. (Maybe this all projection on my part!!? I can certainly see myself in so much that you wrote!)

    Alias Girl, re your Lexigraphical search: I think you’re right to be leary of the word “disappointed”. One guy told me “You always Seem to be disappointed” and I got right away that he took this personally, yet I hadn’t used the word, wouldn’t acknowledge to myself that I was, & was always “upbeat” (this was way before Rori); so you can see how much negative power the very idea has!

    Personally, I wish I had the equivalent of “upset” in the language I use around here. It seems like a nice mid-level word half way between simple annoyance and out’n’out freaking despair. (My real date yesterday is “anglophone” so if it comes to Push with him, maybe I can say ‘I feel upset’ in time , before it get’s to Shove and I ditch him or cave)

    Some feeling words I’ve gleaned on here and elsewhere that might be useful to you (and others) in your current plight:

    uncomfortable, weird, bizarre, disconnnected, on edge, wary, apprehensive, mixed feelings, not so hot, like a plaything, floating, floating away, indifferent, touchy, unconcerned, offended, outta joint, wistful, flighty, out of touch, blasé, worried, restless, irritable, missing out, accessory, speechless, doubtful, dubious, questioning, irritated, put out, irked, teased, off-kilter, disoriented, uneasy …….delighted!

    Oof. oooooooxxoooxxxooo to Ever’body

  56.  #56Caj13 on January 9, 2009 at 11:23 am

    PS Cookie – if he brings up the car, Assume he’s getting it so he can pick YOU up and drive YOU around on dates, and only talk about it as if that were the case. EXPECT THE RESULTS YOU WANT.

  57.  #57alias girl on January 9, 2009 at 12:19 pm

    caj 13 thanks for all the options on feeling words! it was such a great process for me and i ended up texting him back and like rori says i was quite surprised at the results. i feel he is opening up his true self a little to me and vice versa and although it is delicious it is also scary. not to mention having other options with other men and i am just like wow this is all very new and feels bigger than what i am used to. but i think if i expand baby step style it might be ok and not completely blow me away. 🙂

    what does anglophone mean?

  58.  #58Caj13 on January 9, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    Great AG – You’re getting these expanded possibilities cuz you’ve been inspiring them with all your heart, the gratitude you’ve expressed and connexion to yourself, and Now You Are Ready! YAY A little bit of scary adds to the fun, and we all know you’re up for that. No, not blow you away – Waft You Along in the Gondola, remember?
    (anglophone means someone who speaks English – it’s Continental shorthand for Brits, Yanks, Aussies, NZealanders, etc etc and all those for whom it’s their second language – and you, too)

  59.  #59Reshi on January 9, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    Daria, I loved reading about your makeout story. I can’t even see myself getting to somewhere that I make out with a guy…it was only a couple days ago that I started to fantasize about sex with actual men and I felt a little guilty doing it! But at the same time it felt amazing, I hadn’t felt that kind of electricity in my body since before marriage.

    As for rituals, I make them up as I go along. I had a book called Wicca: The Complete Craft that contains a really good explanation of how to do them but I don’t follow it to the letter, it was more of a jumping-off point. The one that I mentioned basically consisted of me lighting a candle, then getting way down into all the awful feelings of not-love that I carried over from my past and letting them morph and move into anger and whatever else…then I felt peaceful and loving and celebratory and, like, danced naked around the room. ;D

    Maria: I’m on and yahoo personals, I don’t think there’s anything against admitting it here 😉 I like match better as far as ease of use and quality of the residents–they seem smarter and more attractive.

    AG, your Oscar speech was totally HOT. We kind of ARE an underground secret society, a society of women learning to love themselves regardless of our cultural messages to the contrary. Sometimes I wonder how much trouble I’ll be in if someone I know should put two and two together and figure out that Reshi is me. It wouldn’t be hard for some people, and I’ve held nothing back in terms of personal confessions I’ve made here. I would love to be able to be so honest and transparent out there in the world, but I am so scared. On the phone with the guy I really liked last night, I couldn’t even bring myself to say what I was thinking to do for a living, even though he asked 20 times. I want to have the courage to speak my truth no matter where I am or who I am talking to; instead I always find myself closing up and shutting down and turning interest and attention away from myself. I want attention so badly like someone who is starving for it, but when it is on me I can’t handle it!

    Right now, I’m housesitting for a friend who lives downtown and damn! I just went to their grocery store and it was full of eye candy! That never happens at grocery stores anywhere near any of the places I’ve ever lived. I think when the weather gets nice I’m going to start to make special trips for my groceries…

  60.  #60Loretta S. on January 9, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    Bethany, you go girl. That must have been incredibly hard, but you did it. And, I am finding, just like Rori says, “baby steps” really do work. And celebrate everytime you do it, you have done something amazing!

    Rori, you, my sweet friend, have changed my life. I really mean it. I don’t know if I have words profound enough to express how important your help has been in my journey. It is really like having a mentor, that I can come to anytime, via your programs that I have bought, and your ebook, and now your blog. I can feel layers and layers of really yucky, weighty things coming off of my being. I love it. Its totally changed the way I relate to my fiance, and even to my family and friends. But you have changed the way I see and feel about myself. Even when I feel like I have totally “not really gotten it” and that maybe I’m really not anymore ahead in my journey, I am now, more able to just stay still and sink down, and feel even that fear of “not getting it” and I soon find that I am so far ahead of what I think I am. It’s really the most beautiful thing. You are a God-gift. I bless you! Thank you, Rori.

  61.  #61Ann on January 9, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    You ladies are great. alias girl you’re so right it does feel like a underground secret society, of Goddesses.

    caj 13 thank you so much for all those feeling words to express myself with.

    Rori says to practice her tools I feel like everytime I write from my heart here I’m practicing.

    Everytime I don’t feel like I might upset someone by my bluntness and reply to a post. And they reply back letting me know “yes that’s it” or “no not exactly…” I feel like I’m practicing level 2 listening.

    When I read you ladies words, and “get it”. I’m learning something new to help me focus on me.

    I’m really good at saying “Thank you” when someone does something for me. For the most part I’m alot better at expressing in feeling terms when something doesn’t feel good. ” I don’t like that” “That hurt” “Ouch”

    But I’m not that good at expressing when something does feel good. For ex. if someone was to call me I could say “Thanks for calling” but it would be very hard for me to say “I’m so glad to hear your voice” or I really enjoyed talking to you.

    Do you ladies have any tips how to express good feelings better?

    I personally want to be able to express myself with feeling messages to everyone I’m in contact with.

  62.  #62alias girl on January 9, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    reshi you rock with your wiccan spells and eye candy grocery runs!

    yes caj 13 waftng along 🙂

    ann maybe just practice. or write out a whole bunch so your brain may be able to recall whne in actual situation. maybe even practice with strangers? i feel so grateful for your assistance. i feel happy in your nicely decorated store. i feel excited about finding the soymilk! (hah just kidding. or not. that’s valid)

    practice practice practice. babysteps. like yesterday my final chosen feeling message was the one closest to my truth and yet i felt vulnerable saying it bc it let him know i cared. but results were sweet. in the past it was safer choice to find a reason to not be vulnerable. anger can be easier but truth more delicious. 🙂

  63.  #63alias girl on January 9, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    i feel intense and a little scared inside.

    i took care of myself using feeling msgs and now he’s all pissy bc he didn’t get his way. i feel like i am seeing more dimensions of him now that I am not in desparation mode and willing to pretzelize myself (and idealize him) just to spend time with him.

    get in line. u are not the only one who is attracted to me.

    i feel a desire to be treated kindly and with consideration and ROMANCE and stuff. sorry if that’s not your speed.

    i feel angry (and yet self respectingly) powerful. i feel detached from an outcome that is out of my control. i feel dignified and self loving. i feel like i am finally taking care of myself in this area of my life.

    hey, i’ve got nothing to lose here. i am already alone you see. i’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain by becoming my highest godess self.

  64.  #64TW on January 9, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    Hello ladies… I see this is where all of my girls went… Alias girl, I have missed you. I have been posting in the ask your question here post and you will see it is way full. I was just saying hello and i will have to go back and catch up on everyone’s post another time… Love you guys

  65.  #65Caroline on January 9, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    Here’s the thing,I really screwed up. I kind of got “pyscho” because another girl entered the picture and he had told me this was a possibility from the start. I went out with others and wanted to have my cake and eat it too. So anyway, the other girl came into the picture so I went out had a couple of drinks and said things that were very mean. The old “screw you before you screw me” mentality. He said we won’t ever be more than friends. I tried to talk to him but couldn’t, so I sent a letter and was vulnerable and used feelings words. He txtd me and said Merry Christmas, hope you have a great day. Now what??

  66.  #66alias girl on January 9, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    i feel like im overposting. i feel like i want to be naked in front of the world. i feel like a cat curling up into its onw warmth completely content. unaware and unconcerned what the world thinks of it. i feel like i must be im my prime. wow that feels exciting. i feel like i want to share that. i feel excited. i feel like i just want to run around byan ocean shore and catch a frisbee in my mouth.

    i feel excited by the tiffs i have with this one guy. i feel angry in the moment sometimes but after i get over it i feel sexually excited. hahah. and i feel resilient. i used to feel so scared about tiffs or being treated bad. i used to sever relationships. now i can bounce back (IF I WANT TO). i feel sexy. i feel high quality. desirable. high degree of difficulty (you have no idea) i feel excited.

    i feel like i don’t need all the material things i used to think would make me feel better. i mean i still Want And Love material things but i feel good already.

    i feel ready to expand. i feel like spilling all my secret dreams!!!!! hah. i feel so happy i took care of myself. i feel ok i am where i am. sure i would (will) change things to suit what i like better ( ie more suitors, romance, fun, excitement, sex, wealth success) but really baby steps baby girl.i llok at the whole buffet of posibilities and want them ALL right NOW.

    NOT neccessary. i can savor each yummy baby step. i can savor this moment of sexual excitement after a tiff. i can savor this moment of having expressed firm boundaries and desires in a godesslike way.i can savor typing this secret message from my phone while i sit in this public courtyard. ok. i can and am.ahhhhhhhhhhh yes.

  67.  #67Rori Raye on January 9, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    Caroline, Welcome – and here’s the deal: Nothing will ever work for you in love until you can truly love yourself.

    Everything you say here tells me of addictive behavior – of constantly running yourself down and doing things that hurt you.

    None of this has anything to do with HIM.

    Stop saying you “screw up.” Take a look at what you’re doing that you think is “psycho” – and either get some professional help for cleaning that up – or embark on a serious self-help program (with the help of these fantastic women here on the blog) to heal this.

    Often – the root of all this is Trauma, and without even knowing you – my guess is this is what’s going on with you. We’ve all been traumatized in some way – some of us in ways that we cannot recover from without help, and many of us in ways that we can help ourselves to work through and get past.

    When a man says he only wants to be “friends” – you have to listen to him. Writing him, texting him – that’s only chasing him in order to lay your head down to get it bashed with a rock.

    My love to you – and the hope that you’ll read everything on this site and start using the Tools – all of them – to heal yourself. This is a system that works – I look forward to hearing more about how you’re doing – Rori

  68.  #68Rori Raye on January 9, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    Loretta – Welcome – And thank you so much for your comment – I will treasure it, and if you’re okay with it – use it as a testimonial in an eletter. I look forward to more comments and to hear how you’re doing. Love, Rori

  69.  #69cookie on January 9, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    Hello ladies, I feel so supported, I feel appreciative, I feel understood, I feel heard. Thank u for encouraging me thru this. Many women don’t understand I was attempting to explain rori’s tools to my friends today but the info was rejectd I tried to explain to my friend who is longing that her situation w her new love interest shouldn’t begin w her going to his house to make dinner n have a movie night, she seemd offended. I backd off I have to focus on me anyway. I cried this morning afterwards my guy

  70.  #70cookie on January 9, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Called to make sure I was awake for work (he hadn’t done that in a week) I said I’m feeling sick, might have a flu. We ended w it feels good to hear your voice, he said he loved me n it ended. Later on he called again saying he loved n missed me. I loved hearing that it felt nice. I was out hanging w coworkers n missed the call. I set my new boundary that I don’t want to lay up in a guys house, I want to taken out. I intend to express that to him though I feel nervous that he may not make other suggestions

  71.  #71Tracy on January 9, 2009 at 11:49 pm

    keep posting ur lovely thoughts.they really inspire me and give me the strength to move on..i love reading them.
    Am still doing my baby steps trying to use feeling messages and focusing on me because for so long all i have done is overfunction put my self out there to be humiliated.It feels nice to just take care of myself and love myself
    Yesterday i had a sad moment.I was feeling down and angry coz the guy i like is getting married to someone else and i saw them together,All the past feelings came back and since i work with him and i have to see him everyday,i feel neglected and disappointed coz he’s moved on and here is me trying to start over with no man and no prospects…..
    i felt angry because part of me wants him back and i hate this feeling because i deserve someone who wants me…..
    Am at a stage in my life where everyone is getting married settling down or at least have a commited relationship.But i on the other hand to be honest i am starting to love and find myself and honestly i don’t believe i’d have been happy with anyone before this as i realised i really didn’t know ME…..
    tHANK YOU SO MUCH RORI for this blog,u dont know how much it helps.I feel excited to be able to find answers in all these beautiful ladies posts…
    al feeling confused with all these emotions am feeling relieved that my heart is finally opening up.
    I am feeling scared that its maybe too late,i am scared of dreaming and wanting a good relationship and actually meeting a god and wonderful guy i can share it with.I am scared of feeling loved and cherised as all have done is tried to love others wonder how they are doing what i can do for them……….i feel scared f receiving all this attention all theis affection……….how will i handle it?how will it feel to be cared for and loved by myself totally and completely to be comfortable with just me…………to share a wonderful life and love with a great guy?…………… come back here in thi blog in a few months and write a wonderful story on how all this has happened!It would feel great and will feel great because am a goddess and its going to happen…….
    i love my fear and i love my mistakes and disappoinments coz the’ve made me find all these beautiful kind and generous ladies with so much love to share and am overwhelmed and cryin right now……….
    I feel so much love for myself and for all of you…

  72.  #72Maria on January 10, 2009 at 12:52 am

    Today morning l woke up and my ghost was back.Ghost from year 2007 when my love of my life dumped me. Even today it feels like yesterday, the same level of pain. In 2008 after seeing him again, it was so painful that l thought l had no reason to live. (Fortunately my boss found me, cos l didnt show up to work and she got suspicious).
    He tried to contact me, of course to enjoy himself and amuse himself on my behalf, and he thought how come l didnt want to be friends…lm thinking when on earth are men educated or forced to take responsibility of the consequences of what they do to a women treating them like that. l told him last time, l want you to have same back 10 times worse what you did to me. And l hope God will take him to the carpet some or other way.
    l told him also, that if you KNEW you would not marry me ( and l belive he knew it from the start) what made you right to lead me on like that. l had no clue life would consist such a pain and that a man could greate such a sisaster to a woman.

    See l have been trying to work on feeling messages, but l realize they are paralyzed. Sometimes l just sit like a numb, iced inside out, as you can see from the style of my comments. Facts only. Thats why l adore Alias Girl and the way she describes every detail.

    l have become to hate men, as l first described when l entered this site. l have been using Rori tools and it has worked, but l still cant trust life and men. So now l do not know what to do.

    lm going to make myself a coffee now and try to shift myself on better mood. Whenever this ghost comes l feel in point -100. l let you know when l feel better.

  73.  #73alias girl on January 10, 2009 at 1:24 am

    maria you will work through your trauma with this man who hurt your heart and made you close up to protect yourself from every feeling that way again. it is understandable that you have feelings of rage and condemnation towards men.its ok. you’ll work through it at your own pace. baby step by baby step you will learn to love yourself. you will process your feelings in bite size pieces and slowly dethaw. you will find YOU agaain and you will be AMAZED at how fabulous and beautiful you are. you can become whole agian. you are already doing it.

    you will become sstrong and powerful and clear with your boundaries. you will begin to feel safe with yourself and you will learn to protect yourself and baby step by babystep WHEN YOU ARE READY you will practice vulnerability WHEN YOU FEEL SAFE ENOUGH to do so. you are in my heart bc i know how you feel. and its ok. right where you are is beautiful.

  74.  #74alias girl on January 10, 2009 at 1:38 am

    i feel like a supasta hogging the limelight. alias girl this alias girl that. heehee. i feel like a big attention hog lopping it all up. i feel a big head swelling so big bigger bigger. i feel great can do no wrong. i feel falsely superior. hahaha. actually i just have a stupendous amount of free time bc of lack of social life. hahahaha. i feel actually too much of myself and very hungry always checking cheacking this secret underground world/ blog of fabulous women who a secret special chip has been implanted in us all so we were destined and programmed to find this blog and create this underworld of love. i feel a hunger to read about others and what is new and what is going on and what do they feel and what tool are they using and are they dating and how di that date, phone call, text message go for them?

    i feel very wide open to life and interested to see what is next. i feel interested.

  75.  #75Caj13 on January 10, 2009 at 6:18 am

    AG – PLEASE – HOG AWAY! You ARE a SUPASTA and we’re all loving it! Your limelight is like a floodlight showing us the baby steps and where they lead, and that’s to a pot of pure gold right in the middle of our own great, sweet little selves, cradled by our own hugs and supported by the Universe. And the Attention – remember Reshi’s comment – we’re all starving for that so it’s fabulous to see you admit it, seek it, receive it and glory in it. We’re all literally ‘starving’ for it because that is the real food, not icing on the cake, required to nourish our life.

    Maria, I get into this Men are Impossible, wonder-if-they’re-even-human Trap, too. And then (almost) beat myself up because I still want a good one all to myself, forever, anyway. To all those whose minds are ‘rationally’ telling them it’s ‘Too late, why bother?’ for whatever artificial number is haunting them: It’s Never too late for the Heart. You WILL WANTand Need and be Able to Create and Inspire this Life-giving Love till the end of your days.

    So, Maria, Cookie, and the rest, let’s use our boy energy to look for the message heartbreak guy was there to give us, all the while using our girl energy to strengthen our feeling pathways. Maybe such a painful missive is the only kind that can slip through to the heart’s mailbox of us Stay in the Head people. Telling us we must have better boundaries so our Vulnerable Core can venture forth and attract her soulmate.

    And Get Out There with Yourself (not just on errands) or Stay In with Yourself (not doing housework), and enjoy these precious moments of our Present.

  76.  #76Maria on January 10, 2009 at 9:16 am

    hey, thanks, Caj, l would say it is not like a “trap”, l wont say all men are impossible. For example, the men l know (married mostly) are extremely proffeccional and polite. but l dont know why it is what it is with me.
    Anyway, my ghost day has runned tiny bit better. l went out for a city, then came back, did myself a nice meal, and painted a bit, later lm going to do myself a nice coffee. lm not saying lm doing great, but when my ghost day comes, then it is like a fever, you have to cure it and it slowly goes away. So generally lm holding my feet on the ground.
    See – again – totally emotionless comment. 🙁 like reporting CNN News.

  77.  #77Cookie on January 10, 2009 at 9:30 am

    your comments were right on. These feelings of not being able to be myself has really plagued me always. I’ve always humbled myself for others, dimmed my light so others can shine, ushered others to the stage while I clapped for them in the background or behind the curtains. I feel invisible so often. I think that’s how it is when I get into intimate relationships with men. But Rori says to say “until now…” I have been struggling with my inner desire to be free from restraint for the past several years, I am a Sagitarius, I think it is in our design to roam and be free (thus the horse) but to also hunt and seek (thus the Archer). I’ve been living double lives all the time. When I was young i was the good quiet shy child, my brother the more demanding and outgoing. When we grew into teenagers, I wanted to always be seen that way in front of them but on my own I would wander and roam the city and “find trouble”. That’s why I went away to college so I could finally be free from their watchful eyes. I think this always exist in me this pull to be and do whatever I want without giving a damn what other people think. Before I got a man (even as a teenager I did this), I used to take myself out on dates all the time, get dressed up and go out to plays, poetry reading, movies, whatever. Even with my guy, I go out alone, he doesn’t know what i do, he thinks I have no life, he has no idea how much fun I have on my own trying new restuarants, seeing flicks that he would never accompany me to, going to exhibits, taking dance classes,etc. But I don’t get cute anymore because I didn’t want to attract men, I felt guilty about getting other men’s attention (many people tell me that I seem unapproachable which is kind of what I wanted to be so they would leave me alone). But listening to Rori and you guys makes me feel like it’s okay to be seen and admired and to attract attention. That I’m not invisible. Now when I go out, I wouldn’t mind being more inviting to men appraoching me and asking me to be in my world. My next plan is to start going out dancing on my own so I can have strangers run their hands on my body and be close and get worked up and then go home (cause who wants to be with a man that you meet in the club 🙂 ). I used to be afraid to eat at restaurants alone but I longed tackled that fear. I usually bring a book but maybe I will leave the book behind and lean back and be present in the space at that moment. Sounds so bold and confident. I’m also planning on exploring my voice, I contacted a vocal coach so I will let you guys know about that in Feb. and my art classes pick back up at the end of January so all in all, life feels good to me today. Baby steps.

  78.  #78Cookie on January 10, 2009 at 9:35 am


    Caj13, thanks for the list of feeling words, I was really trying to know more feelings words besides hurt or angry, since I know now that those are accusatory words.

  79.  #79Caj13 on January 10, 2009 at 10:28 am

    Cookie, You’re welcome for the words. I hope you and the others will post your lists of words, too. Finding the right ones when you need them is a bit of a challenge, for me anyway, and I really appreciate a large choice cuz I often have to find equivalents in another language as many of them can’t be used exactly in the same way, or I don’t always know how to gauge their nuances.

    I think your long experience and variety of fun examples of dating yourself are going to be a great encouragement to others on here. Dancing of any kind is so fantastic, whether in mixed company or with women (like pole dancing or oriental dancing (don’t like to call it belly dancing myself, which is a misnomer anyway, cuz you lead with all your joints Not your tummy, ‘tho that does jiggle sexily along). And as you say, a way to get that zing from being a little fondled (respectfully), even when there are 0 men in your rotation, as AG, said (cuz it looks like the number is inching up there)

    Maria, I guess the hateful-man trap is really mine, and I get tripped up by it when things go sour for me, and even more when I see the injustice of the world and senseless, hurtful things happening to my women friends (and the counterproductive things the men do to “protect” themselves from loving women – nobody wins). As for CNN-speak, maybe we share something similar about language, as well. I believe you’re not a native Anglophone, as I am not a native speaker of the country where I live. And even though my second language is known for being very romantic, I still have no associations with it from my early years. I too tend to stay in my head, but I’ve found it helps getting in touch with my feelings if I mostly stick with English, even if for practical purposes I’ll probably have to translate it later. Both the feelings we had and the words linked to them at that time are just so important in what formed us, and so who we are today. Hence all our fabulously useful work in recognizing, acknowledging and honoring ALL our feelings. Like the little kid I saw this afternoon at the store, bawling his head off in despair. His mum just tapped him and gave him a dirty look, when if she’d said ‘You’re just so tired and sick, sweetie, I know your little self can’t take it any more in here” I’m sure he would’ve calmed down. If she’d known to put words on his misery, Everyone would’ve been better off. (Wish I’d known this consciously when I was a young mother, myself, tho’ my kids weren’t often in such a state.) So that helps me, to go back to my mother tongue for feeling messages, but I also use that as an excuse for not using them in my daily life.

  80.  #80Maria on January 10, 2009 at 10:35 am

    Hey Caj, lm not originally nor British or American, hence some of my grammar misslips here, but l have spoken english since year 6.
    lm more of afraid of what lve become. sometimes it seems that there is no life in me, cos what comes out are just short sentences. Probably cos my feelings are all freezed out.
    Maybe there is good side of it. As Rori says – LOVE should start from a man and woman gives it back. Well, since noone loves me l have nothinig to give, which avoids me from overfunctioning, which l have done in past,tho.

  81.  #81Caj13 on January 10, 2009 at 10:35 am

    PS Cookie – I was also in that ‘go around looking Unattractive’ place for a long time during a dissatisfying relationship. Before I packed on the pounds to have a ‘permanent disguise’, I’d take perverse pleasure in wearing my ‘depressed dress’; a horrid grey sack that looked like the already out-of-date stuff my grandma wore 30 yrs before! And one of the main things that helped me get outta there was ‘dolling up’, mainly for me.

  82.  #82alias girl on January 10, 2009 at 10:40 am

    maria you can start with the wrods i feel. i feel cold. i feel wtihdrawn. i feel angry. i feel unresponsive. i feel dead inside. i feel nothing. i feel ice cold.

    cookie i was invisible for a lot of my life. very shy. craved attention but couldn’t handle it if it came to shine on me. when i was younger i wore clothes that were too big for me and. even now i will often look blech so i can be invisible and avoid men’s attention. or at least a certain kind of man’s attention. that’s why i love dressing up on dates when i am with a man bc i can look sexy and feel safe bc i am already with a man and other men generally respect that boundary. they may look but i feel safe. i guess that’s what it was always about for me (and often still is) is/ was keeping myself safe. i just want to say i really related to you while reading your comment and you sound so full of life and passion and creativity (and your secret double life i relate to too. there’s this song with the lyrics that say for a lonely soul you’re having such a nice time. such a nice time.)
    that’s what i think of when i am on my little secret solo adventures.

    thanks caj 13. it felt weird to post that. thanks for you. you are so smart and compassionate and sometimes you say something in just a certain way that it clicks in for me.
    i love hearing about everyone’s process. xoxo

  83.  #83Caj13 on January 10, 2009 at 10:40 am

    Good for you Maria! Take a positive spin on it! (Remember, those first 5 years are among the most crucial, parly because the words Aren’t there yet, so the Baby is just pure, raw emotion. Hunger hurts, but it’s the Feeling from hunger that makes her wail.)

  84.  #84Caj13 on January 10, 2009 at 10:50 am

    Maria, listen to Alias Girl – she’s got the first baby step for thawing You and Your Feelings out. Because they’re still there, dear Lady, and that’s what you’re going to love yourself with. All the rest will flow from there. xoxo

  85.  #85cookie on January 10, 2009 at 11:47 am

    Ag I so relate to what u said about dressing up only in the company of a man bc it felt safe.caj I know my current outfits r not appealing. My friend works at a residency for formally homeless people, there’s this guy there who keeps his apt n himself poorly. The other residents complain bc of the smell. But on the street a lot of homeless do this to keep people away so they don’t get robbed or hurt. In a way this man was still holding on to this need to feel safe even tho he’s no longer homeless. I feel

  86.  #86cookie on January 10, 2009 at 11:49 am

    Funny offering this story but somehow it felt relevant.

  87.  #87Linda on January 10, 2009 at 11:54 am

    Ladies, I havnt read all the post out here, I did comment way back there. someone responsed to mine.. cal3j I think. Anyway.. when I read what she said I felt angry and put down. I took a sec to understand why. There are things we feel and dont often know until we take time to think. That is why I try my best to think before speaking and respond to things that happen in life than react to them.

    My anger, I discovered was rooted in something that goes waaaay back in my life to childhood. As I remember, it seems that over time if that I have not had good positive outcomes with expressing my feelings in truthful statements. I know that sounds odd but it is true. For example, when I was pre teen, I would ride my bike through our small neighborhood. The was a boy that was a couple years older that lived nearby and he would ride his bike too. I was picking mulberrys just down from my house and he stopped. We talked.. I dont even remember about what. My mom saw me and called me home. I was told not to talk to the boy ever again! Okay… so I ignored him several times and then finally one day talk to me again, I told him I couldnt. He asked why and I told the truth. “My mom doesnt want me to talk to you”, Later I remember being asked about the boy and I reported to mom that I told him she did not want me to talk to him anymore because she did not want me to. I will never forget her reaction, getting mad at me…yelling at me saying “what did you say that for”? and slapping me in the face to boot!! Well, I said it because it was the truth. It was not till years later did I understand that my mothers own insecurities and concern about what other thought of her caused that reaction. But for me it was the beginning of…. dont say anything to anybody that reveals anything about yourself really and all will be well! Well that is a lie! but I believed it. We all know that doesnt work. So as I am now much older, I understand how important communication really is. I try my very best to be sensitive to the hearer as well as what I am communicating.

    When I read the response out here well I felt like that little girl. It was not the words used in the comment to my post but the feeling it envoked. I felt like… if I had only said what she suggested maybe he would still be in my life. Ugh! The actuality of my story is that it would not have mattered what I said to him. I could have said what she suggested and gotten the same results. He had his mind set to cut and run from our relationship.

    My point in all this is I discovered some roots in me that I needed to understand. Understanding them will help me respond better the next time and have better relationships too. I think I have become an over analytical perfectionist internally. Living like that makes me miserable. I really am a light hearted free spirit. Telling the truth of how I feel makes me feel alive and brings peace inside. We are all responsible for how we treat others and say things but if the hearer is insecure or hiding behind their own agendas then we will never be sucessful unless both are committed to maintaining relationship.

  88.  #88Daria on January 10, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    Linda I would say you were triggered… have you tried to do the power-self esteem posts on the side bar (because I want everyone to do them LOL)?

    I feel glad you discovered and shared this incident and root of your silence and anger… I too have similar memories for example I feel afraid of being hit or saying “I feel angry” because I feel like this will provoke someone to hit me… I think this comes from my childhood too… Rori has some cool tools for this… like imagining that part of yourself, however it looks (helpless child, monster, gross slime ball, lovely goddess) and telling it you love her and you’re in charge, and you are going to go on feeling good now, and not abandon her… I say this in my head it took awhile but I actually had to memorize the words and it works. I also give her a Rose (kind of like I’m dating her) and kiss her on the cheek – which is challenging sometimes especially if she’s a homicidal corpse, or a disgusting swamp creature. However they seem to like it, that is they actually smile and give off a friendly vibe… this is part of Rori’s Toxic Men program where we work with the part of ourselves called the stranger.

    I feel so glad you posted your post. I will say that I recall the first time that Caj answered my post and I also felt a little angry. I felt too scared to express that because I didn’t want to hurt Caj’s feelings. I feel tightening in my thigh right now… I feel worried … I realized that she did not mean to hurt me in any way, she wanted to help me, and I felt guilty for feeling that way. I feel awful that I am going to post this because I imagine that Caj will feel scared and hurt and that is not my intent I love it when she shares and posts and tries to help us… I am not sure if it is ok to post this… I feel really worried and at the same time this might be good that we can share all our feelings and not just the all agreement ones. I have problems sometimes expressing myself vulnerably when I feel afraid of hurting someone… oh I don’t want to make Caj my practice scapegoat… I feel worried and that feels like downturned mouth corners… I love my worry… I want to choose to be surprised instead… ?I feel down down and that feels like heavy cheeks… I love my heavy cheeks and that feels like a little lightening in them and upturning mouth corners… IT IS NOT OK TO SAY WHAT I FEEL WHEN I THINK IT WILL HURT SOMEONE… ok! That is what I’m struggling with here…

    this has been very revelatory for me…


  89.  #89alias girl on January 10, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    wow. this is intense delicate stuff but potentially very healing and eye opening. i too have been triggered by other people’s comments (witness a few days ago when i got all up in daria’s business bc i was trigerred by her expression of angst. sorry again daria!)

    this is what happens. people get triggered and react and if people are not consious enough of their own stuff then they will start blaming others. i think it is ok to draw boundaries and express how we feel. in fact it is a good time to PRACTICE RORIS TOOLS!

    i think it it a delicate situation. i often feel scared to say something when someone has crossed my boundary or my choice may not be what they want or their behavior is triggering me and i want them to stop. (which is a little controlling of me however if people are sharing a given moment or physical space then there should probably be a mutual negotiation to make it pleasing for all. (unless the space or ment is being shared by a cretin boss and the employee ehhem me– feels scared to speak her truth or negotiate bc of fear of losing job and lack of faith in own power to manifest better situation)

    i think like rori says choose our words and experiment. i think caj 13 is a very strong woman and will be able to respond to this in her godess like way. so maybe that’s why she gets the hard part in this little scenario. bc she can respond well and not have it crush her like it would perhaps another person not as strong. (ie me?)

    yes true communication feels scary for me too which is why i often isolate and not form lasting bonds with people.but after i had my tiff with guy yesterday i said out loudto myself(to himtoo but he wasn’t actually present withme physically in that moment. i said i still accept you. i am still here.he ended up calling me later and all was ok.)

    is scary for me.

  90.  #90Daria on January 10, 2009 at 1:50 pm

    Hi Alias girl,

    I feel like I am sitting on eggshells here waiting for someone to post. I just jumped on your post to devour it… I feel scared and guilty…

    Caj13 I DO Appreciate you And your comments… I feel scared…

    Alias girl by the way I did not feel triggered by your post. I feel like smiling when I read your apologies because it seems so cute to me and honestly I did not feel you were “in my business” and you helped me.

    I feel worried… I do not want Caj to think I don’t like her… I don’t want her to not like me… I don’t have control over that… I feel weird and worried and that feels like pouty lips… I love my pouty lips… I love my worry… thank you…

  91.  #91alias girl on January 10, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    oh yeah i got triggered by one of bethany’s comments once too and i said i thought her guy sounded like a douche. how really i don’t know if that is a helpful neccessary or desired thing to say or hear. i’m sorry bethany!

    people are not perfect. i mean i almost am but

    hahaha totally kidding. i don’t even think jesus was perfect but i suppose that discussion would be for another forum.

    xoxo 🙂

  92.  #92Jenaveeve on January 10, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    Hey Alias girl thanks for leading me in the right direction. I will practice riffing and let you know how it goes! 😀 Im feeling much better now… and Ive been getting all kinds of attention……. Take care Angel!!

  93.  #93Caj13 on January 10, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    Dear Sister Sirens, Thank you. I’m really sorry for any hurt feelings I caused any of you, and assure you it was involuntary. I don’t actually feel like a strong person who wants to practice “tough love” on you, and my fear of even maybe hurting someone usually keeps me from saying Anything. But that is not a good thing, as Linda pointed out. I, also, am learning tremendously from this process, and so am Daring to try to be more truthful, mostly for myself, but also for all our benefit if possible. I don’t really have that much practice, for myself or for others, so as I’ve stepped on people’s toes, I apologize and hope you will not take it personally, but only as my errors of judgment or unwitting lack of sensitivity. I shall try to copy a bit on AG, who has such a lovely, delicate way of proposing her help. I feel sad that I triggered this painful reaction in you Linda, Daria and any others, and grateful that you brought it up. And if you got something out of it after all, that is a comfort. I am reflecting, and yet trying not to over-analyze. I am feeling sorry, but not humiliated or offended, and I don’t feel like crawling into a hole or never contributing again, or anything. I see one error was probably to ‘tweak’ a real conversation that had already taken place, so there was nothing to be hoped from re-doing it. In the heat of the action I had not seized this nuance, nor paid enough attention to the goddess’s emotional state. She was not seeking advice, but release and comfort. Again, sorry for bruising your feelings, and thank you for your concern for mine. XOXOX

  94.  #94Daria on January 10, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Aw Caj I feel so relieved! THANK YOU!



  95.  #95Linda on January 10, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    Its all good. I learned something about myself. It is just that we cant do “do overs” . This situation I have gone thru since August of 08 has at times gotten the best of me. Other days, I pull myself up by my bootstaps and make myself move. I am trying to move on.. but my heart just doesnt seem to be in it. I have been online today. I signed up with two match services recently. I thought I would try to get myself in position for some circular dating. It is new territory. The whole thing actually makes me me nausiated. There is not a one out there that I even am remotely interested in!. Ugh they all look like toads to me. sheesh LOL felt good to admit that.

    Thanks to all. (smiles)


  96.  #96Maria on January 10, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    Actually today l got a little relevation from Caj´s comment. l mean everybody is getting their progress and it is fantastic. l feel like coming here is a safe ground cos l know lm welcome and l can share my most painful experiences and lm heared.

    did l say “l feel”…

  97.  #97Ann on January 10, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    I read you ladies post with tears in my eyes because I feel so much of the same things. Right now I have 2 different things going in my head.

    1. I haven’t seen Cassandra around in the past few days. And since I’ve share some of my experiences pacificly with her by name did I hurt her feelings? This scares me because unless I’m angry I never intend to hurt anyones feelings but as I’ve been told I can come across to bluntly. But in the last 6 months I’m been working on speaking my truth , trying to do it in a way others can understand better. Not meaning they have to agree with me but so they know I’m only trying to help. But sometimes I wonder should I just keep my mouth shut….

    2. And this one is even harder for me to say. I feel hurt. I ask back up in this post of anyone would share tips with me on expressing good feelings to others. I guess I could of missed it but I didn’t see a response from anyone. Now I feel scared because my intent isn’t to blame it’s just to say I feel hurt. I need all the help I can get on this process.

    I often come across as strong, got it all together, have even been called miss perfect. And I’m not any of those things. I’m a female sitting here right now crying so hard I can hardly see the keys…

    When I read you ladies words I see you “letting it all hanging out” meaning really saying what you’re feeling. Then I feel like I wish I could be like that but then my nasty voice says if you really express what you feel they won’t like you. They’ll think you’re nuts. You have it together one minute the next you’re falling apart.

    Well I just fall apart and I sincerely apologized if I offended anyone.

  98.  #98Caj13 on January 10, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    Yay Maria, Yay Ann!

  99.  #99Caj13 on January 10, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    Love and Hugs to Everyone, in good feelings and bad. Goodnight.

  100.  #100Daria on January 10, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    Hey Ann,

    Aww sweetie I’m so sorry if you didn’t feel helped in expressing good feelings to others! I too used to feel very foolish doing this! I still have to remind myself consciously to do it, I don’t know that I do it spontaneously… But it feels fun! Like consciously flirting…

    For example I can say…

    I feel good with you…

    I’ve also texted: I feel so much love for you right now

    and I can say… I feel so comfortable with you

    I feel good

    I don’t know that I say more than that… It would feel great to improve in this for me also.

    I’ve also felt ignored at times by Rori when I first started posting when she did not answer my every post. LOL. I have gotten over that though and when she does answer I feel so special. Lol. I hope I am not getting too attached to Rori LOL. Although I doubt she will let me down.

  101.  #101Rori Raye on January 10, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    Guys – here’s how to work this so you don’t go second-guessing yourself about what you say. Let me be the BOY here. I’ll give the advice, etc…and you use this forum to practice being a girl – so try this (this is what I used to do in my workshops):

    Stick to the 4 Rules and Feeling Messages –
    No “thinking” – no “what I think” – instead – make everything you say a feeling message, even if you’re responding to someone else. Don’t analyze anyone’s post or situation – instead – go with how it feels for YOU to read what they wrote – “I got so triggered – I felt…”

    I know it feels selfish – but try it for a week or two and let’s see how everyone feels.

    By the way – It’s my business to give advice – and I always have to work with how that feels – and whether I said the right thing – and I’ve often pissed women off and felt crappy and had to work through it – often with them – so be gentle with yourselves, okay?

    It’s part of the Siren thing to feel like the center of everything – totally okay here…Love, Rori

  102.  #102Reshi on January 10, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    Ann, I actually had a little voice in the back of my mind saying “yeah totally post some positive feeling messages!” Because I’m starting to feel like I want to hear more about relationships that actually work! I mean, it’s great to know about what to do when they don’t but…I’m starting to wonder “why have a relationship at all?”

    So, here goes:

    I feel…excited, happy, intrigued, turned on, beautiful, cared for, loved, wonderful, giggly, giddy, light, joyful, blissful, free, amazing, heavenly, peaceful, kickass, rockin’, awesome, fucking awesome, fabulous, great, shiny, cool, excellent, hot…
    Anyone got any more good ones?

  103.  #103Ann on January 10, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    Caj13 and Daria Thank you. I feel heard and that feels nice. Sometimes I have it pretting well together then other times I fall apart. Wait that sounds like a female lol.

    Daria I feel so grateful for the feeling good statements you shared. I hope we all can share more of them. I want to be able to express more feel good feelings. I’m going to try to watch myself for a bit and when something does feel good, I’m going to try to speak it in feeling good words.

    I also love to read Rori’s comments in the blog, to me it feels like yay our mentor is saying “we’re getting it” or “try it this way”. KWIM?

  104.  #104Ann on January 10, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    LOL Rori and Reshi guess we were all writing our thoughts down at the same time.

    Rori it feels great to hear from you. I personally look up to you. I’m not trying to be you but I would like to be more like you. That would feel fantastic to me. I’m going to read & re-read your comment and try my best to practice it.

    Reshi I feel connected and grateful that you shared all those positive feel good feeling words with us.

    It feels exciting to be part of this blog.

  105.  #105Ann on January 10, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    I’d like to share something I started doing a few days on my computer. I have a program called One Note. I set me up a notebook(for my personel use) in it called “My Rori Tools”. In it I put the Rori tools that speak to me, so I can access them easily.

    I’m going to take you ladies feel good words and put them in my notebook so I can access them easily. And with everything practice, practice, practice….

    I feel good.

  106.  #106Daria on January 10, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    OK you guys! I feel excited! This “difficult” guy is calling me…

    he was online messaging me about how upset he was that I didn’t call him back when he blew up my phone (I was on a date with someone else) for half the day a few days ago… I LEANED BACK and said I felt guilty…

    then I did message him today randomly to say lets go to LA… It felt ok to do this tho because I was so not attached to him (I randomly just went with saying that because I saw he was online, would’ve asked other people just the same) or actaully going with him… he messaged back some more stuff about how I didn’t respond to him when he called and stuff… I said I feel bad and I miss you! then one message he said Whatever… so

    I felt mad. The old me would have leaned back by not answering… the new me messaged him back saying “I feel mad” and just that. He said “you’re always feeling something…” (my ex used to say this when I first started feeling messages and I would feel worried that they weren’t working… but! They ARE lol it’s like guys CANT resist them despite their noticing them). I didn’t answer.

    Now he just called me! Hecka (at least 3 or 4) guys have been calling me all day but I kept forwarding their calls because I was having dinner with my parents or on the phone, and they weren’t leaving messages so I wasn’t calling back… although I like all of them

    Anyways I wound up (AGAIN) having to try to (NOT) defend that I don’t call men or drive to them… he kept saying I was weird, people don’t do this since highschool… It makes me look like I think I’m too good for people, like I think I’m a Diva (lol I said I DO feel like a Diva)… kept asking me to drive to him, go half with him on our date… I just leaned back and even tho I felt a little provoked I did NOT really get triggered because I felt so confident in staying in feeling messages… I kept saying I feel nervous, worried, frustrated, confused… and being quiet… well guess what… in the end he is coming over AND paying for our date! LOL!

    Ok on the subject of dating:

    I know Rori has said to say “I feel old fashioned” but that doesn’t quite do it for me… what is an easier way to “explain” why or how I date? as in not calling men, driving to them, or calling them back without being specifically asked to? This has been coming up with EVERY guy I have met lately…

    Help? Maybe this will be on Rori’s Diva Dating program?

  107.  #107Ann on January 10, 2009 at 11:09 pm


    If it was me I might say this:

    My dating style is unique.

    He will probably ask how or why.

    My dating style is the 3 D’s…..

    I DON’T call men
    I DON’T drive to men, altho I like to drive(wicked grin)
    I DON’T call men back unless I’m asked to



    HTH some

  108.  #108Daria on January 11, 2009 at 2:20 am

    That feels fun and I don’t know. I feel scared to say that because even though I know it’s what we’re practicing I don’t want to sound like I’m better than other people? that one is really throwing me when he said it (also when other guys say stuff like it takes 2 people, it doesn’t seem fair if I’m the one putting in all the work… I dono… are they just Goodbyes… or what? … I feel worried that I’m coming off like Do this for me or else you can’t see me… or something )… I felt kinda awkward with this guy because he started teasing me about me using feeling messages and being “weird” and I guess I got triggered. =( . Hmph. well another guy called anyway LOL. he’s my ax and although he’s really TOXIC he is the one who Always pursues me. Except now he would have to drive to me which I bet he can’t. Hhaha. I feel cool.

    Also on this date I got scared when he proposed sex. I didn’t say anything (yes or no) I felt silence. I wanted to say no but I didn’t know how without hurting his feelings. Because I wanted to wait. So I said nothing which I just realized is probably because I was triggered. I would like to practice what to say in this situation. Perhaps I could say (I feel gross disgusting scared nervewraked freaked out panicked not really panicked awful weird awkward get-me-out-of here feelingy…. AWWWggh… lol…. i dont want to say that actually… they are all feeling messages yet I Feel like I sound out of control… I feel out of control… I don’t know waht to say! I feel freaked out! I feel WEIRD. I feel GROSS (poor guy I don’t want to hurt his feelings saying that, I only feel gross bec of the awkwardness) I Feel AWKWARD… ugh I hate saying awkward (I love my awkward feeling self… and my hunched over back and cringing comical face… yuck! ew feel gross ew… OK I dont like to be proposed sex? I guess not… too early… how is he supposed to know… I guess I assume guys should know… SHould they know? Or I should say… I feel insulted being proposed sex this early in our relationship… I feel insulted … I feel gross and like running like a sprinter… I feel flattered and yet scared… I feel flattered and yet scared being proposed sex this early in our relationship… this early in our dating… lol in our dating pattern… ? why am I calling it dating pattern… I don’t want that… I want uhhh BLANK… lol…

  109.  #109Daria on January 11, 2009 at 2:22 am

    I can say this after all. I date in a special way. My dating style is unique. I can say this really early on too. Thanks Ann.

  110.  #110Daria on January 11, 2009 at 2:40 am

    I feel like things got really awkward and ick feeling with this guy! I feel MAD! I feel MAD that I felt ick feelings with him… Grrr… I feel like attacking him… how dare he muddle my Goddess energy… I feel RAGEFUL… awwrrgghhhh…. I feel like he was going to say something like “Thats why you don’t have a boyfriend!” or something like that… I feel Like I’m not good enough… I FEEL OUT OF CONTROL… I DONT REALLY FEEL LIKE I VIBE WITH THIS GUY!! THAT IS WHAT:S GOING ON>> I FEEL LIKE THAT IS NOT OK>> I FEEL FREAKED OUT! ARRGHHH>>> WHat is going on with me ? Lol I feel amused…

    Btw I might just have been triggered right there. He didn’t actually say “that’s why you don’t have a boyfriend?” So does me feeling scared and unnatractive (to him) maybe insecure.. or basically UNCOMFORTABLE at the end … yes I felt uncomfortable. I felt like he was mad at me and I even asked… I felt weird… HE said I’m “Being weird” grr… I feel weird… I feel confused… I didn’t say anything… Later I said I feel mad… I don’t know I feel confused about this guy… I didn’t like how I felt around him at the end… I felt insecure and uncomfortable… but he’s “just a guy” maybe he doesn’t know me and that is bound to bring some awkwardness? no? I dono? I feel confused… I feel like I am doubting my feelings which are saying this guy is a geek and trying to get in my pants… GRR… I don’t really care? Why? I see… I don’t feel like I have a lot in common with this guy… but that may be because I don’t knwo him yet… so should I keep seeing him? I feel weird about him… I will tell him that… I feel weird about you… when he next calls… I felt weird… I didn’t like it… I still feel mad about it… I feel disproportionally mad… I feel a little out of touch with reality… no I don’t want to say that… I feel criticized… did he say i was out of touch with reality or did I say that to myself because I got triggered… I feel worried that speaking in feeling messages is out of touch with reality… that I am weird… that is all I know how to say now though… unless he brings up or something comes up that is interesting to me… so it’s not my fault we don’t have a lot in common… I feel guilty… I feel so weird typing about this… I feel like a spiral is unraveling… I feel carried away… I feel magical… I feel this is cool… It’s like writing for myself and for other people as well… wow… like a journal floating somewhere in the “ether” and ceratain people that know where it is can read it. That would make a cool story for a novel… A magical journal that certain people could read and write in…

  111.  #111Daria on January 11, 2009 at 2:46 am

    The truth is that I like you… and I don’t think you’re my type… but I want to keep seeing you anyway, because I feel attracted to you… what do you think?

  112.  #112alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 2:53 am

    i feel like i am recovering from a bad date from a terrible fundate (or rather unfundate) with a toxic woman person. i honestly cannot call her my friend. she is completely (not completely. overexaggeration) toxic FOR ME. i don’t know how other people experience her presence or personality but for me is no good.

    i feel bad i took myself to spend time with her like that one on one. i already knew outcome.

    i feel weak. i feel i put her feelings before my own. i made what she thinks of me more important than how i treat myself. i feel hateful towards her now. 🙁 i wish i hadn’t gone. although the good thing that came out of it is i realize why i was the way i was with my family back when i was feelings allowed or acknowledged. no room for me. i was only there as listener to her constant negative talk. ick ick ick ick ick ick. all these hours to get my vibe back up to where it was before i had spent time with her. i feel bad admitting my truth. i feel bad i am totally fake around her and don’t speak my truth about how i don’t like the dynamic or feel unheard or feel invisible or used. not her fault.

    i feel sad. anyway it reminded me of how horrible i felt about myself in my family. how subtle the whole thing was. how being on that level of inauthenticicty and and non feeling and not caring for self and putting others first to such a degree that i literally have to sort of check out of my body in order to be what that person wants from me. oh my that feels like sadness. i feel sad. a little like a failure at being friends with women. i don’t like women that much. i feel inauthentic around them. too polite. i feel sad. that feels like quivering lip and blurry teary eyes. i love my dislike of women. i love my giving myself away to someone just to keep the peace. just because i am desparate for friends.i love my tight jaw and my compassion for myself. i especially love my mother part of myself caring for me . i feel like a fool for having gone today. i love my inability to speak my truth to womenm. i feel hateful towards women right now. i feel interested in that

  113.  #113alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 3:01 am

    she muddled my godess vibe. 😉

  114.  #114Daria on January 11, 2009 at 3:06 am

    The truth is that I noticed you’re kinda rude a lot of the time, and criticize people a lot. And I don’t like to be criticized, and I kinda felt like that a little bit so I feel wary… although I feel guilty for even judging you as rude or critical of people… I just feel like maybe you’re sense of humor is different than mine… we just don’t vibe (or is just that you’re different than the guys I ususally date) I feel on the fence about you… on the one I hand I feel attracted to you, on the other hand I feel kinda uncomfortable around you… I feel like you’re self centered and arrogant and accuse me of being things I’m not, like sneaky or dishonest… I feel like you lack people skills and you’re a loner, and I feel bad for you… I Want to like you… I feel like you are HOT… you have the best body of all the guys I date… LOL… you complained that you don’t get complimented… you know I’m going to say thanks when you compliment me… you constantly make a little fun of me… I Feel annoyed… I feel a little insecure… I feel not quite ok… I don’t know about you… I feel intigued yet annoyed… I feel judgemental around you and judged too… I feel tired of this… I feel like sighing, like anxiety… and that feels like tingling shoulders, and tight mouth… I feel like I just realized I fell off my bridge (F U MR. I’m TOo GOOD FOR YOU… YOU ACT LIKE YOU:RE TOO GOOD FOR ME, NOT ME FOR YOU!! I HATE YOU!! I FEEL WEIRD RIGHT NOW HEHE… and embarassed… and cute… I feel lovable… I feel embarassed… I feel dorky… I feel horrified to feel dorky a little bit and yet another part of me like it… I feel so embarassed… lol… I feel like I’m a naked chiwawa.. yes i said that… I feel trembly and skinny and ugly and terrified in public… hmmm… lol… I feel amused… I think the chiwawa image is very cool… Am I going too far with feeling messages if guys are “complaining”? will they all “catch on” that I’m learning this from Rori? How do I explain that I’m learning all this from Rori… hmmm… I read this online… I have said that before but I don’t think they believed me… they didn’t seem worried about it… LOL… that could be taken in a positive way … so this guy IS Weird… I just want to say that for some reason… he might not BE weird… but I feel weird a little bit around him… yet curious too… I give up.. I feel two conflicting ways… positive and negative… and I love them both… I feel confused and that feels like squeezing in the back of my neck… that feels like it all slowlyrealeased.. and now it feels like it is squeezing again… and my left hip… I love my left hip and my neck… I feel terribly embarassed… sorry guys… I feel I have let you down… I am so weird… he called me weird… I am not cool… and that is ok… I accept that part of me feels disappointed and sad and my back feels squeezed and my eye socket… that feels like laughing… and taht feels like smiling and tilting my head to the side kindlly, and that feeels like squeezing in the back of my neck and releasing and squeezing and I LOVE ALL MY FEELINGS! LOL!! That feels like standing up straighter… I feel like I am just pouring through the keyboard, it is a fun feeling I am worried that it might be addictive, that it might be bad for me to blog 6 posts in a row… that I’m a crazy woman and will run everyone off this blog because I post too much… They will just not read my blogs and will whisper to each other in cyberspace that I am an attention greedy wacko… I feel worried… I just remembered some mean stuff with clicquey girls in elementary school… I feel bad… I love my feelings… I love my neck… thank you… I feel sooooo into me right now… I feel like I shouldn’t even post this, but if I was writing just for myself I wouldn’t feel like this… I would feel like there was just a blank slate in front of me, not this weird feeling as if someone is hearing me talk… as if someone cares about what IM feeling and thinking… that is kind of cool… I can’t believe you guys read my posts… maybe you don’t … I feel like my throat feels tihgt.. I feel sOOOO socially lacking in skills… I feel like an outcast… I love my outcast self… I’ve missed you… thankyou for helping me out all these years with your cool demeanor and your self-dependence and not needing anyone to like you… I love you… you are so freaking cool… more freaking cool than anyone, even super brave people that don’t hold their anger… and I love you… thank you for being there for me… and actually since you’re a girl, and I’m a girl, well maybe you’re not, but I am practicing a being a girl here, and you are part of me, I want to give you this rose, and I want to be the most loved woman on earth… I want to be loved… I want to be loved by everyone and I want to love whoever I want to…, and I want them to love me back… and then I will love everyone too… and I feel guilty… I feel like I should love everyone Anyway, ahead of time,.. and you see that’s what I’ve been doing… hm… I feel confused and hurt in my back… thank you for pointing that out… I feel like I’m in trance and finding things out about me… I feel like I am awesome for actually writing them down, because here I will remember them and WORK on them… because I want to WORK and feel good… I want to like WORK … I want to heal my relationship with WORK… I want to feel good… yah… I feel sighing… I feel good…

  115.  #115alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 3:11 am

    i feel angry rageful violent. i feel very fucking angry. i feel angry. i wish i had just told her to shut her trap for a second and experience me as a real live human being in front of her.

    i feel very grateful. i feel an opportunity to grow. i feel excited about the possiblities

    1) be more careful about who i choose to give my precious godess energy to in such a focussed one on one manner.
    2) leave when it feels bad. even if it is a woman/friend. make an excuse. ie i feel sick must go home. bye.
    3) use feeling messages anyway. too bad if people can’t comprehend what a feeling is. not my problem.
    4)forgive self and others. we are all doing best we can with what we know.

    i feel better. i feel self loving.

  116.  #116Daria on January 11, 2009 at 3:20 am

    EASy for me… yay my whole blog got erased… it was mostly me bragging about how I am becoming a better writer through this blog and how I am going to write my novel after all… actually I said it’s something I like to do… something that’s fun for me… something I do a lot and all the time… something that’s EASY FOR ME… Manifesting, you see…

  117.  #117alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 3:21 am

    i feel a desire to be daria in this moment bc i feel confident it would be way more fun to be in the midst of that super cool riff she just riffed out.

  118.  #118Daria on January 11, 2009 at 3:32 am

    Heyy… I could write posts about my dates and then publish them as a dating journal… LOL… that feels like it would be too good to be true… I feel like no one will buy that… I feel like a nose diving airplane. I wish that they did want to buy that… I mean a novel is pretty much still me writing… so what… ok if they don’t want to buy that then I can write the novel first… I bet after my novel when I’m famous they will want to buy it… and that means I should get famous with my novel… I will get famous with my novel… because it has to be hecka good… it IS really good… it is like the Alchemist and Harry Potter and Paolino’s writing. That will work… well it worked for them… I mean that’s the kind of setting my novel will have. With dragons and magic and a spiritual story of wonderfullness, change, maybe Triumph… I love triumph… maybe HMMM butterflys and triumph… and bliss… love freedom… wonderfull ness bliss

  119.  #119Daria on January 11, 2009 at 3:33 am

    Alias girl you are the best… I feel like Alias Girl respects me and I respect Alias Girl… Yay… I feel like Alias girl is my friend…

  120.  #120alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 3:42 am

    i feel like trying. i feel not that good at it. i feel self conscious. i feel shy and held back. i feel unable to just let go. story of my life. i feel tears. i feel like i live under a rock. i feel less punctuation might help my riff but hinder the reader. maybe should try riffing not worrying about if anybody can read it? screw it. screw it all. i feel like shaking everything up like when you shake a snowglobe. i feel like doing things just to shock people. i feel an urge to shock. that would be a really fun new career. what do you do? i’m a SHOCKER.

    i feel like i love more than one man. i love a couple of em and want them to be mine. i feel scared to be in a relationship. the one guy not avail but always says stuff about long term w me. i tell him no. but secretly try to do math in my head to see if it might work. honestyl the truth is i just want an easy simple loyal love. oh that is a crock. well it is true in some moments 100% like when i just wrote it it was true but then the next second no. i like complex and chaotic too. so there you go.

    i feel i don’t knw how to super riff like daria. that was not really a feling but more a thogut with the word feel tagged onto it. i feel super freaking vulnerable posting this that sometimes it brings feeling of naseau. what the heck kind of spelling was that?

  121.  #121Daria on January 11, 2009 at 3:49 am

    Alias girl I feel shocked lol. I really laughed out loud and almost choked while eating lol what do you do? i’m a SHOCKER. loooool

  122.  #122alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 3:56 am

    heheh my evil shocking ways have already taken hold. heeheee beware your future will no longer look the same for you for you have been SHOCKED beyond compare by the most masterful shcocker the world has ever seen.

  123.  #123alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 4:00 am

    her powers of shocking are so honed and refined she even unwittinglycauses this blog to be shocked and her comments often get posted before they are even finis

  124.  #124Daria on January 11, 2009 at 4:13 am

    So I just did these Dorn Method Neck massage exercises I found on youtube and it’s just pressing into the grooves on the back of your neck from both sides and then moving your head like “no no” side to side while you’re pressing them. And then kind of pressing your thumbs in the back of your jaw. It all took about 30 seconds, about long as I take to rub my neck anyway. Except my neck and head feel really liberated, which feels surprising because I felt them hurting often from craning into the computer probably… it could be an incorporation to the paint yourself tool… which I sometimes turn into the massage yourself to make youreslf feel good tool. I did that a lot tonite even when I felt uncomfortable, and at least I felt sexy too. It’s hard not to feel sexy when you’re rubbing on yourself.

    Just realized that guy says mean things almost without meaning to, “that’s just his personality” to put people down first, then he realizes it and tries to hide it or make up for it… is really sensitive too… if made fun of or criticized… he calls it “judged” on his webpage… anyway he said something like “you with the few clothes you have on like it’s summertime” then when I said I feel insulted… he tried to make up for it and say I look cute… and then started rubbing on me… so I dono… just an example of when I felt put down… I felt put down with him sometimes ( a lot?) I dono… I feel I deserve that because I put down people a lot too (teasing?) so I dono… although maybe I just think I do… I know I do? I feel confused… I’m not used to looking at this… I feel weird saying I feel put down… that sounds weak… that sounds like I am sensitive… God Forbid… that sounds like me putting myself down… but I am just joking.. my dad jokes by putting people down and I like it… I think it’s funny and I feel energized and amused when he does it to me, most of the time… I feel annoyed when this guy did it tho… different maybe? hmm… I feel like my back is tight (not my neck tho lol) that feels like my right thigh is on fire? that feels like Twitchin? in my left shoulder and raised eyebrows and watery eyes… like surprise… and then watery eyes kind of like fleeting embarassment… it’s that watery eye thing that runs in my family… lol… I feel tense in my stomach.. I love the tenseness in my stomach… I love talking about myself… I love the extra squeeze in my stomach… I love my jaw cheeks… I LOVE THAT I AM WEIRDl.. I LOVE MY UTTER MORTIFICATION AT BEING WEIRD IN FRONT OF THIS GUY AND FEELING JUDGED… I love my feeling of inadequacy… I love that I have this… this blog is one of the best tools of all… who would’ve thought I’d be blogging… and people would actually respond to me too… I got ignored on my workout forums or at least that’s what I felt like… Like my questions were too detailed or no one cared about my particular issues… that’s ok… I love me… I love all of me and I love my sighing… I love that I communicated so well with my parents today about real issues and we all had a nice time at dinner which last time felt like a sky crashing soul bond shattering disaster… I love me… I love God… I love that I think I am becoming less triggered by my family, which should improve my relationships and self esteem enormously… I love this… I love it really I do… I even love that my dad thinks that my interest in “dating and relationship seminars” is contemptible… I love him because he is so cute how he gets all worked up… I realize he is just like that… lol I love how my parents seem so emotionally immature… I love that I can say that without feeling guilty and unworthy knowing that I am equal to them and everyone else because that is just being triggered… yay… it’s like I notice them being triggered and can relax sometimes like oh they’re just being triggered… and I’m just being triggered and that’s ok… Ilove my pinching in my nose and tightening in my shoulders and neck… yay… yay for building my self esteem… will have to introduce this to dad in a different way than just vague relationship and dating seminar…

  125.  #125Tracy on January 11, 2009 at 4:48 am

    i feel confused.i feel tired of all this changes that i am experiencing,all these feelings that i experience and he fact that i’am recognising them and letting them flow……i love this new me….i feel liberated and renewed yet confused and scared at the same time.
    I have so much responsibility with my family and work and i feel that fo such a long time i have not taken care of myself.I have spent so much time taking care of other people their feelings their needs and i feel that i forgot myself.
    I feel that all the relationships that i have been in i always leaned forward.With my family my friends and the guyz i dated.I feel that for such a long time i have neglected myself.I want to feel love for myself.I want to feel happy for what i am doing and i want to feel contect with what i have achieved.I want to feel cherised and cared for by my family and friends and the guyz i date.I want to have a successful life and a happy family of my own.I want to love myself love my mistakes and fear.
    i feel angry that my baby steps are too slow that i keep moving one step foward and two steps back.I feel alone i feel unloved.i feel fear that i might end up alone,that i will live in regret.I love my fear because it keeps me in check…..I love my anger because it shows i am human.I want to learn to control and embrace all my fears,my insecurities…i want too feel through life not just exist.I want to feel all the joy the hapiness the frustrations the pains of living and interacting with others.Iwant to be alive.Iwant to love myself and care about me.I love caring about me.

  126.  #126Maria on January 11, 2009 at 4:54 am

    Hey Ann, l think when sometimes your questions havent been answered, is that there is too much information instantly coming in. l noticed your question about feelings, but since l am in a very starting process l could not give any advice (yet). l have posted some questions here, too, that has being unanswered but l think it is just the matter of what l said earlier.

  127.  #127Caj13 on January 11, 2009 at 6:50 am

    I feel a little hesitant about posting again, after all. Ifeel humbled if not humiliated, I feel like MsKnowitAll put in her place (which I feel is a good thing – it’s Mine, and I don’t even want anyone else’s place). I’m feeling triggered as well. As I was the oldest of 4 kids, it often fell to, or rather was imposed on me to watch over the others. I tried to do my best, be responsible and fair to the point of arbitrating in favor of them (so against my own interests), and I was still called bossy and overbearing, which stung. I was not given any ‘good leadership’ training however, and everyone, parents and ‘abused’ siblings, seemed quite content to leave me in charge, whether I liked it or not. To this day I feel absolute despair, a sinking stomach, eyes frantically searching for escape at the very idea of exercising authority or taking a position Over others. I know I’m a great team player, altruistic and not afraid of taking initiatives, but as soon as my going out on a limb seems to ruffle feathers or worse, my shaky or new-found confidence takes a nose-dive, I feel guilty and crass, the lump in my throat swells and only seems to allow the Nastiest of the Nasty Voices through: See, your so-called knowledge and cleverness are useless, you don’t know how to get them across in an acceptable way, your caring is without value, meaningless, worse, detrimental and oh horror, PitifulSelf-serving – just Stay in your hole, Msbadboss’y, let these real people get on with their lives. And now, NastyVoices, I’ve heard you but I no longer permit such badmouthing of my Self, so sulk in a corner in you like, I’m gonna forgive myself and soldier on, slipping and sliding, but not believing this impression of 1-step forward/2-back, because I intend to advance 2, and will allow 1 back, as that is what I feel is really happening, despite my fears to the contrary.

    And yet, I’m feeling this irresistible urge to tell or remind people of things, because this is a learning process, and 2 keys to that are repetition and reinforcement. The things I like sharing are mostly taken from the context of this whole process, like referring to the subject or tool in Rori’s latest eLetter (as opposed to her blogpost at hand) or stuff that was evoked in the plethora of other recent posts by assorted goddesses, although I don’t cite them specifically. I am aware there are new participants, who don’t necessarily get the free eLetter (which apparently does not remain available very long if you’re not subscribed) and/or have not yet started the eBook or any program, so a lot of the stuff I say may be taken for Martian or perhaps overreaching, and I do worry about that. After all, even us slightly-older hands are still struggling with the concepts, resisting or doubting they can work for us, feeling guilty or incompetent if they feel hard to make really, totally as our own, when the promise is that they’re easy. I’m feeling this is too much justification and explanation, boring blahblah, I’m feeling like that clueless little girl-matron who put 2+2 together and figured she had to give back at least 5, and that still wasn’t good enough, cuz nobody wants it. And they’re right, it’s too much of the wrong thing, so now I feel I’m learning how to get the proportions and dynamics right in a real, loving exchange, even if I’m terrible at math and psychological cues.
    I feel gratitude. Thank you all/me.

  128.  #128Bebe on January 11, 2009 at 8:05 am

    Hello Caj13,

    I feel good to see you back on post, welcome,

  129.  #129Reshi on January 11, 2009 at 11:18 am

    I feel vaguely icky, I woke up late this morning and feel guilty about that. I feel like of course my marriage was doomed. As soon as we were married I felt he was a disappointment on many levels, but didn’t allow myself to voice that, instead kept looking to him to change and make it OK for me to have given up my freedom for him. And I feel like I’ve had my only chance at happiness in love. Never mind that women everywhere find love a second and third and fourth and fifth time. I feel sad because my mom has been divorced twice and then lived with her boyfriend for years and years with no commitment from him. I hate that c—s—er and I wish she would throw him out. Really I just feel triggered when I see him. His face reads to me like male smugness and I want to slap the smugness out of him. But the only one who could do that would be my mom, and she could only do it by using Rori’s tools, and my mom listens to no one. If I could, I’d buy her Commitment Blueprint and force her to listen and absorb it. I don’t want to see a woman I love accepting second-class treatment from a man. And yet the beginning of their love story was inspiring. He waited 8 years for her, through her marriage to my ex-stepfather. He used to write her love poems on napkins. But now he’s been with her longer than that and I’m feeling angry that he hasn’t proposed.
    I don’t like to see this in my family. I want role models for female happiness and I have none. No one is happily married to a wonderful man, all are making the best of barely tolerable men.
    No, I lied. I have one or two aunties who are happily married, and my grandma was happy with my grandpa while he was alive. I mean, no one is living a blissful storybook romance with candles and flowers and sex all the time…and that’s what I want to be living. And I feel like I’m not pretty enough to have that. Every time a man on the street looks at me and then quickly looks away, I feel reinforced in my ugliness and invisibility. But I’ve seen twice yesterday, a man give me the unmistakable look of interest. And these men were handsome enough to date, if not my physical ideal–my husband was my physical ideal but now I am repulsed by his body, so what is that worth anyway?

    Ugh. I feel contrary. And I feel like all this man-angst is distracting me from what’s really important. I feel I want to sit quietly with myself and let that sense of what’s important come to me.

  130.  #130alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    i feel like hugging caj 13 right now if it were accepted. *hug* i feel triggered bc sometimes i try and help people in real life and it goes unappreciated. sometimes i do alot in situatiions and then someone in same environment gets praised for a little tiny thing. ie oh look paul raised his baby finger. clap clap clap clap. menawhile i am slvaing and scrubbing floors with toothbrush or something and people are just stepping over me like that’s what’s expected of me and i am invisible non favored one. of course that is not a real examplw of a my life. just a metaphorical example of how i feel.

  131.  #131alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    so that unfun non friend woman of yesterday is some part of me ala h’opononono style.

    she represents my attempts at female friendship. if i were to decsribe her i would use these adjectives; narcissistic, unaware, unconscious, negative, manipulative, domineering, mean intentioned, withholding, manly, unfun, up in her head, self absorbed, talks way too much, poor listener, uncompassionate, bombarding me with herself and her thoughts outloud, argumentative, insensitive

    hmmm ok. so this represents my relationship to female friendship. no wonder i have no female friends.

    i think i would like to read some novels on good female friendships. and watch some movies so i can change my ideas and expectations about female friendships and thus also my reality.

    new version of female friendship:

    safe, loving, open, balanced, communicative, authentic, accepting, fun, laughter, trust sensitivity, resilience and romm for the truth, real, compatability, companions, similar values and interest, kinship, mutual respect, space, freedom, hysterical laughter, did i mention fun.

    i feel super smart and on top of things. yet also lazy and sleepy and unsuccessful in my life. i feel excited. i feel lucky. i feel grateful. i feel delicious. 🙂

  132.  #132alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    i feel drawn (addicted? no. not interfering w my life is enhancing my life so doesn’t qualify for addiction) i feel drawn (compulsively) to rori’s blog and saddened a bit when there is no new delicious news/process/feelings/updates to read.

  133.  #133Caj13 on January 11, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    Alias Girl, I accept your hug with great pleasure – it feels heartwarming and girlfriendy. I hope you will let me hug you right back and maybe make up for a few of those missing gf’s. I do have a few pretty good, close friends who more or less fit your beautiful spec. list and whom I cherish and for whom I am grateful. But I have learned in the last few years to drop some not-so-good friends. No big blow-ups or even little ‘tiffs’, just let them go. Before I would put up with crud or do all the maintenance, and I finally learned to stop. That was a good thing, so I see how that should work with unsatisfactory romantic relationships, too. Just let them fall away, no fixing.

    I have been out at a party – there was a tarot card reader, and the card I picked was right on the mark: a bird with outspread wings, seemingly on the threshold of the opening in a cage, looking out towards other birds flying around free. The tarot reader said to look closer – indeed, the bars of the cage were imaginary.

    I felt good reading about all your good feelings – they feel so hopeful and bright-eyed with languorous eyelids (gondola practice).

  134.  #134alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    HUG ACCEPTED! xoxox blink blink

    hahah some guy (no interest in him romantically) just was kind of rude. i haven’t seen him in awhile and the first thing he did was mock me. i said that doesn’t feel good and walked away. he came over and followed and said what’s wrong. i said i feel angry when someone mocks me. and basically he made some sound to dismiss my feelings. i said i feel angry when someone dismisses my feelings. he said pshaw life is too short to cause problems. which was kind of a weird response it hought since hhe was the one to initially insert the negatviity.

    i feel proud i did feeling messages right on the dot in the moment. and good practice too bc i don’t care at all what this man thinks or what he does or anything. i feel more better with these feeling messages. yaye!

  135.  #135alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    oh caj 13 i forgot to say i love the tarot card you got! it feels good and hopeful and exciting!

  136.  #136Daria on January 11, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    I feel scared of using feeling messages with guys now… because the guy from yesterday night kept pointing out how I was using it… and he hasn’t called me and I had felt that weird vibe… I think I ignored him and he felt really sensitive… what do you do when you and the guy you date don’t click but you are attracted to him still?

    I feel sad because I use feeling messages constantly now… that is like “who I am now” so I feel weird that I “picked them up” online or by reading Rori’s stuff… I feel like I’m faking although obviously I’m not because these are MY feelings… I feel embarassed… I feel worried that I am annoying… that feels like pouty lips and heavy shoulders and head dropping… I love my pouty lips and heavy shoulders and head dropping… I love myself even when I judge myself… I made a mistake when I called back 3 numbers that called me on my phone without message… one is this guy I like that kinda likes me but I put out a lot of boy energy towards him before… well he just wanted to find a ride for his uncle… might have been good bec I need cash badly (uhh I mean I would have enjoyed having more money flow to me) but not for 3 hour ride. So that was ok… next time no call back w out texts… /I feel sad and tired… I just came from dance class and that felt great… I love myself… I feel kinda pooped… I feel like I am in everyones business giving advice too so I feel like the bad guy from yesterday’s posts… I shouldn’t have said that about my feelings from the past especially since it passed quickly and was only once and have received wonderful advice since then… I feel worried… I want it to be GOOD that I expressed my feelings in ALL situations. I feel defensive.

    Thank you universe for sending me guys I find attractive with cars that are also available… I would also like to add that I want to feel CONNECTED to them also, and feel easily loving and supported. Thank you universe.

  137.  #137Daria on January 11, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    Caj 13 I feel shy writing to you now and I want to say that your Tarot card sounds like Rori’s Cage tool from Modern Siren…

    I feel shame about saying what I said before … I have received wonderful advice and support from you and I probably felt triggered and defensive that one time in the past when I was “riffing.” I felt defensive and superior like “well she doesn’t know I’m actually riffing.” I feel ashamed and unworthy and I feel like punishing myself. I don’t want to lay a guilt trip on you either. This is about “my stuff.” I really like it when people respond to my posts actually. I feel so ashamed and embarassed. I want to apologize for myself. And I want to feel like I don’t have to need to or evern want to apologize for myself and that feels like a big breath. I feel like I pushed Caj so far away, like we are floating on ice patches away from each other and I can barely see her now, and I know she will never forgive me because I hurt her feelings. I feel confused… I feel unworthy to express my feelings because they hurt other people. I am an unworthy person. And I love that part of me. And part of me feels that I AM worthy and I lvoe that part of me too. That feels like smiling and sitting up straighter. I feel churning in my tummy. I love my churning…

    I am reminded of this girl who felt betrayed by me in the past who is mean to me now. I didn’t mean to betray her, I was put between her and my best friend and made privy to information regarding her that I felt would be wrong to not share with my best friend because it would have affected her also. So anyway that girl hates me and picks on me and I let her because I feel guilty. And I kind of feel strong for letting her pick on me and at the same time I feel angry now and want to start standing up for myself.

    That feels like heavy mouth corners and head dipped to the side. I love my heavy mouth corners and my head dipped to the side and that feels like smiling and a little hmmph giggle. I feel fear in my chest. I feel ANGER. I feel interested… I feel scared of Caj. I feel like I deserve for her to be mean to me now (she’s not). I feel sorry. I feel sad. That feels like pouty lips and head to the side. I love my pouty lips and my head to the side feeling. that feels like a big breath and sigh… I love my big breath and sigh and that feels like hmph gigle… I love that and that feels like smiling kinda big… I love my big smile and that feels like more hmph giggle… and taht feels like a bigger smile which I love… I love all of me and feel like yawny… I love my yawns… I love my tension in my tummy and my worry… that feels like relaxation, I feel good… that feels like more yawning…

  138.  #138Caroline on January 11, 2009 at 8:33 pm

    I feel so overwhelmed by the support given throughout all of the blogs. There are so many stories that I can relate to. I feel so relieved that I have found a place to help me heal.
    Rori- thank you for your response and you hit the nail on the head, I’ve never really, truly loved myself and accepted myself for who I am. I’ve mostly tried to please others, be what they expected me to be, or be who I thought people want me to be. I left an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage but I’ve always been attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable and/or toxic which in turn makes me toxic because my self esteem hits rock bottom and feel like a failure.
    I want to get out of this funk and be comfortable being me and expressing my feelings. I’ve never felt comfortable doing this and I’m looking forward to the journey I’m beginning to discover who I really am.
    Ladies- any suggestions, advice, etc would be so greatly appreciated. I want to have healthy relationships with all those in my life. Thanks to all of you for having the courage to post on here and share your experiences. I feel better already!

  139.  #139Caj13 on January 11, 2009 at 8:33 pm

    Oh, please don’t feel afraid of me! I’m not feeling at all hurt by anyone. I feel good tonight. At the party I saw a male friend and told him about this relationship stuff from here. He listened and seemed to accept that it was possible, at least. I’m not interested in him romantically (but he does have a friend….)
    Afterwards I went to listen to live music – just people that get together once a week to sing – I always feel so floaty, happy when I go there. We all said Happy New Year and gave air kisses.

    I wonder if you won’t be encountering this mocking kind of behavior more and more, especially from younger men. Maybe they’re trying out David DeAngelo’s cocky & funny approach – Double Your Dating!, where guys make fun of the Hot chicks (the 8,9,10’s – gimme a break). (To give him some credit (let’s kill with faint praise here), he sorta recognizes this might not be the way to go with shy girls or ones with self-esteem issues. duh!) Your feeling messages and body language in response to rude, presumptuous, discounting behavior that you didn’t appreciate felt authentic to me. XOXO

  140.  #140Ann on January 11, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    Thank you Maria for your response. When I’m responded(especially if I asked for advice) to I feel heard which feels good. When I read this blog I feel…

    Today I’ve melted. Not a melt down, I’ve melted it feels like relaxing gushingness(is that a word), it starts at the top of my head and spreads out all the way down to my toes. It feels soft, it feels like my vibe is not quite right with my melt but that’s ok. It still feels good. It feels comfortable.

    I feel intrigued, and amazed at the feedback myself and others get and recieve here. I feel a longing to share and receive.

    I feel admiration for the way you ladies speak from your heart. I feel grateful.

  141.  #141Caj13 on January 11, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    PS AG and Daria When you both get all those feeling messages out on the spot, I can feel the ‘Look Ma – no hands!” pride shining through, and I feel admiration.

  142.  #142alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    i feel so excited to read more posts! it’s like i’m living 12 different lives! i feel really content and fulfilled about the singing place with music. ah that feels good and uplifting.

    and i feel confused that someone as loveable as daria could possibly have trouble finding a guy with a car that doesn’t just do backflips to be with her. i feel extremely befuddled by that. i feel tickled by the use of the word befuddled.

    i feel a helpful urge after readin caroline’s post and want to suggest starting with rori’s ebook. it is a great foundation to the work here and rori’s tools and programs and geeting a start on new language options that i feel from experience are more effective when communicating with people esp the yummy male animal.

    i feel odd. i feel very happy there’s some action happening here !

  143.  #143alias girl on January 11, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    ann i feel excited about your melting gushiness! it feels feminine and warming. like a firelight.i feel like a complete FREAK!

    definitely felt a moment of self love and accomplishment with the feeling message right on the spot! and after i said i wasn’t even angry at him. it was like i deflected his crap back onto him. and he quickly walked away rumbling under his breath. i maybe could have been a touch more delicate but it was so quick. i registered the feeling Anger! and just said it. or rather asserted it. anyway was a great start!

  144.  #144Ann on January 11, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    Alias Girl I like the firelight description. It feels sweet. Thank you. I’m learning to incorperate different feeling words here. That feels fantastic.

    WTG in standing up for your right to express your feelings in your feeling words. It feels wonderful to hear you say, you felt your anger, expressed it and released it. I feel happy for you.

  145.  #145Tracy on January 12, 2009 at 2:46 am

    today i feel angry,i just witnessed myself overfunctioning and leaning forward with a guy i like.It was just crazy because i realised that i am so used to it that it comes almost natural.I feel that i have a really long way to go as far as loving myself and putting myself first is concerned.I feel happy that i am finally understanding and appreciating this new way of trying to lean back,not always running around worrying about what others think of me be it a guy i like,my workmates or my neigbour…… just enjoying the moments and feeling through life.It feels fantastic…….
    I really feel i should work on how i relate to men especially the ones i like…..but honestly,Rori,ur tools are rock on…………they are so working for me.
    I feel beautiful. i feel fantastic and happy……..

  146.  #146Tracy on January 12, 2009 at 2:50 am

    I can relate to the part of always trying to please other people and basically just living for others………it feels so frustrating because in the end we end up neglecting ourselves and it feels awful………I am really working on that part of being happy with me and loving my mistakes my failure and myself….if feels sooooooooo goooooooooooood!
    thank u all you lovely ladies as always for your posts and thoughts!you are all mad genious people!

  147.  #147Caroline on January 12, 2009 at 6:39 am

    I can so identify with the “overfunctioning” part as well. I always seem to fall into this pattern with the guys I really like and want to be with. The guys that I’m not so interested in are the ones I always lean back with because I don’t care what the outcome is and then I avoid them because there is no “challenge”. Thinking about some the men that I’ve been interested in, I’ve realized I’ve always chased them. I really need to learn to focus on myself first and always focus on myself. There are times when I do but I find myself falling back into bad patterns with the guys that I really like. I
    What I’ve also realized is that it’s very hard for me to give up and/or not be in control. I’m a single parent and I have to be in control of very other aspect of my life 24/7. I don’t remember what it’s like to be “just the girl” and to lean back and let go. Does that make sense and how do I go about learning how to do this so it comes naturally to me?

  148.  #148Caj13 on January 12, 2009 at 7:13 am

    As for what to say and when, Daria and Alias Girl are feeling good about saying what they felt when they felt it – see their posts (on Bethany 7?) I feel taking the time to stop yourself from whatever spontaneous response was going to come out is probably the first crucial step, and I feel I ‘m still at this stage myself! I feel like even just not doing or saying anything at this point, leaving a silence, getting quickly off the phone or turning even slightly away must be better than my old automatic-pilot spouting off ‘niceties” or sarcasm. Then in the space, determining what you’re really feeling, attaching some words to it. I feel I most likely I still wouldn’t get much out at first, or maybe things I think I did wrong afterwards. Not to worry. I feel that doing new riffs and going back through old ones, we’ll imprint the words that go with the feelings, and with practice can take those to formulate them in a way that will get our message heard (ie, no inference of blame, not talking about him, and only conveying our emotions inspired by the moment).

  149.  #149Tracy on January 12, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    in my opinion leaning back actually gives you control over any situation,since you are able to focus on youself your feelings and you are able to take control of the situation…
    I also believe inspite of the circumstances in our lives we can stil be that carefree girl that leans back and enjoys the attention of that guy you like your family…or the collegue at work who thinks you are cute….
    I feel that the aspect of feeling through life in general,enjoying the moment expressing ourselves as women enables us to enjoy life and appreciate it more and in that way enjoy ourselves two…..
    Today i tried the listening at level 2 with the guyz i interact with at work and it was marvelous…….they ALL gave me this big attention and were all to eager to express themselves.I felt like a diva and queen all day and i kept smiling.It really works.I always felt that people did not understand me,and i only paid attention to those guyz i found attractive.I was always thinking of me and how unfortunate i am but when i started just listening to others gazing at them actually feeling how their thoughts and ideas inspired me things completely changed.Try it.

  150.  #150Ann on January 19, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    Ladies I RAN to this blog as soon as I could get connected. I hope someone is still reading this post. I hope Rori is following it to and would PLEASE advise me.

    I still feel so cold and still shaking some. I had a”feeling meltdown” about a hour ago. I had a arguement with my adult daughter, when they left. I sinked into my feelings BIG TIME. I let the tears roll I wasn’t about to while she was here, I’m not letting her see my pain. But that lead up to my husband walking into the room.

    I was feeling hurt, angry , defiant and a voice in my head said you’re in the right place, you’re feeling it, now see if Rori knows what she’s talking about. Ladies the answer is “HELL YEAH RORI KNOW’S WHAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT.

    I won’t go into all details right now but let me give you a little background. My hubby and I have been living in a sexless marriage for a little over 4 years. I have no sexual desire for him. But neither of us has cheated just grown apart. My husband isn’t a emotinally supportive man. He clams up or runs away from emotions.

    As I said he walked in the room and I felt it was time to see for myself if Rori’s tools worked and could I do it.

    I said “I feel like I want to be completely honest with you. I love my family with all my heart but I’ve got lost in there somewhere. I know what my problems are but I’ve came a LONG ways in healing from them. I feel like you and daughter think because I don’t work anywhere, I’m supposed to do everything else. You guys get to get out and interact with us even tho most of the time it’s at work, you still get to. I’m sorry if you hear anger in my voice it isn’t at you. I’m feel mad at the world at this moment. We only have one vehicle and you can either start taking me places when she’s off work or by God I figure out how to do it myself. And just for the record I’m NOT looking for a man. At this point in time I have NO sexual desire for ANY man. I have to find me.”

    Now shocker ladies set down lol. He set down and said “don’t say anything just hear me out. The reason I ask for sex so much is because of my age(he’s in his 50’s) I don’t know how many more years I’ll even be able to get it up(sorry if TMI). We haven’t had sex in years and I sware

  151.  #151Ann on January 19, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    Damn computer well at least it didn’t get rid of everything I’d already typed. So to cont:

    I haven’t been anywhere else for it.” He stopped talking I said are you finished, he said yes.

    So I said “I’m sorry I care for you but I don’t feel any sexual desire.”

    We small talked a little more and he left the room. I felt a tiny connection to help I hadn’t felt in years. I felt SHOCKED OMG FEELING MESSAGES WORK.

    Rori, ladies… where do I go from here? I’m not completely sure what I feel besides lost. Help

  152.  #152Flipper on January 19, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    Ann, That’s wonderful! You must be feeling all bewildered and encouraged at the same time. At any rate, at least feel that you have started to be heard, and that you were able to hear a concern of your husband. Sounds like so much dysfunction has been going on for so long that one or two heart-to-hearts aren’t gong to come to the end of it all, but they do open up the door of possibles. And I feel that there’s all the hope in the world for your situation, if you still care for him. You have both been on ice, or rather one on ice and maybe the other on hot coals, but apparently no one has gone to get warmth or cooling down elsewhere, so that’s already a barrel of complications you don’t have to face. Have you sought counseling, either marriage or individual? It may seem like a luxury, but personal guidance from a trained third party can often lead to wonders. Your power speech and feelings messages obviously worked some magic, so don’t back off now. In order to communicate your feelings, of course, You must know them, so really allow yourself to feel them, define them, express them through riffing which will help you both to learn what they are and to put words on them. Big hugs.

  153.  #153alias girl on January 20, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    omg. this blog is totally unwielding to keep track of. it is difficult from my phone to go into all the older posts so i only do it when i am on the regular computer. like today. there are whole worlds and news happening that i am not on top of!!!!

    ANNNNNN CONGRATULATIONS! i feel so happy for you. i feel magnificent for you!

    i would say baby steps. just thaw out at your own pace and it sounds like he just may thaw out with you.

    you may even get your mojo back. 😉

  154.  #154Pooja on June 8, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    Speaking in feeling messages, DEFINITELY gets a response from guys. I’ve experienced this first hand recently. I had been trying to reach the guy I like and I would just send him messages saying “hey I’ll be coming to your city soon, it would be great to meet, let me know if you’re free” and just asking him how he’s been or how work is going, etc…. hardly ever got a response. Then, the other day, I wrote a msg telling him that I feel bad if I had done something to upset him and that I don’t want something to come between us. I told him that I would really be happy to meet him if he still wants to and that I miss talking to him, etc… and boom! Like instantly he replied! I was sooo surprised! I’m definitely going to keep using feeling messages to communicate with him. It seems to work well. And now I’m practising leaning back… I’ll see if this one works, too (even tho we’re far away) =)

  155.  #155Amazing on June 7, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Rori,I have been a single woman for a long time,were married to this man who always wanted me to serve him.I was the boy and it made me destroy borh one and two and three things, I became sick,my heart has nor healed yet but I am on my way.There is a man,he is the father of my sons best friend,he seems to be a very great guy and Always when we meet he smiles very warm and lovely to me.I now am the girl,smiles back,do nothing and have all the time in the world.I only see him at school when he picks up the boy and somtimes he says something.He doesn’t do anything.Last time he asked if we wanted to go a place with them and we did not show up,i was not really interested in that time,so i did not want to go.since then,he leaned back for a long time but i saw him looking at me a lot anyway.Now he is more interested again but as I said,he dont DO.what is the best thing for me right now to make him mezmerized and wanting to be in touch.Is there something,a way to show him that I really like him?