That I Would Be Good

Untitled design (14)

Theme song for us for always by Alanis Morissette:

Read the lyrics first –

She starts:  “I promised myself …”

That I would be good
even if I did nothing
that I would be good
even if I got the thumbs down

That I would be good
if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good
even if I gained 10 pounds

That I would be fine
even if I went banckrupt
That I would be good
if I lost my hair and my youth

That I would be great
If I was no longer queen
That I would be grand
if I was not all knowing

That I would be loved
even when I numb myself
That I would be good
even when I am overwhelmed

That I would be loved
even when I was fuming
That I would be good
even if I was clingy

That I would be good
even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
whether with or without you

Here’s Alanis singing it:

60 Comments

  1.  #1Georgia on March 29, 2010 at 1:25 am

    Thanks for the nice song Rori, Love You always



  2.  #2Honey on March 29, 2010 at 6:00 am

    Rori, thank you for this. Its really what its all about, loving yourself no matter what. I feel this song so deeply because I reached that point with myeslf not too long after my break from a 6 year long relationship. I was so young when we got together, I didn’t get the chance to really know myself and grow in that, it was all about him. All alone, I would find myself feeling short of breath and overwhelmed by everything. I would feel waves of panick week after week but I kept reading your emails and blog. One afternoon I was perfectly fine and out of the blue I started feeling a panic attack coming – when that happened, all crazy and irrational thoughts came into mind and I felt like I could collaps dead on the floor at any moment. I felt so tired of being at the mercy of the attacks so I picked myself up, looked in the mirror and said “fine, what’s the worst that could happen? fall dead on the floor? Okay, so be it, I’ll love you anyway.” Something happened at that moment, I started to heal, and as I talked myself through all the horrible things I was feeling (much like the lyrics above), I ended each sentence with – I will still love you. I eneded up laughing and hugging myself and gradually, the attacks became less severe and then gone. And even though I feel afraid sometimes, I remind myself “I got me” and it goes beyond the physical. Even now I felt a bit of self doubt in typing this, I said it again – I love me no matter what – yay! xoxoxox



  3.  #3Simply Shannon on March 29, 2010 at 7:18 am

    Honey: It feels really good to read your story. Thank you.



  4.  #4Triza on March 29, 2010 at 7:25 am

    This post is exactly what i need to hear today……
    Wow…i happen to work with my Ex and today for the first time i stood my ground and told him what i felt….
    It wasn’t something nice and it was work related…
    Its a big step for me because i felt it so hard to tell him the truth especially if it was cntrary to what he thought.I thought he’d think i was mean ungrateful and right now…honestly…i really don’t care what he thinks…
    I feel comfortable with my decision and it feels like i’ve just gained my power back and i have finally began standing up for myself and what feesl good to me….
    I was always felt certain that one day i’d right a post like the one i am doing right now….Thanks Rori and all the lovely ladies on this blog….i feel great!Yes……



  5.  #5Rachel on March 29, 2010 at 9:58 am

    Yay, the goddess’ theme tune!



  6.  #6Lucy on March 29, 2010 at 11:45 am

    I read this this morning on Michael Brown’s blog and thought it was beautiful and appropriate for all of us:

    “Love. Consider that all our past lovers have been momentary glimpses into the facets of a jewel that is our ultimate divine inheritance. Consider that when we stay with another out of duty, or because we fear being alone, or because we think we will not find another who will put up with us, that we are simply making do with a single dusty facet – with a semi-precious stone – instead of opening ourselves to receive our destined treasure. Consider all the different, tender, beautiful qualities we have experienced while in the arms of our lovers past, and consider the possibility of all of these becoming simultaneously embodied into one majestic, eternal, encounter. Consider all our past lovers as deliberate waves rolling in to announce and gradually prepare us for the imminent arrival of a great, passionate tsunami. Consider whether we are open to such a possibility, or whether we would rather remain safe and settle for less, or whether we would rather entertain remorse by continually turning backward and hankering for what is clearly passed.”

    <3
    Lucy



  7.  #7Rori Raye on March 29, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Lucy – Thank you – so beautiful! Love, Rori



  8.  #8Honey on March 29, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Triza, you’re a star! I feel so proud of you.



  9.  #9heartbeat on March 29, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Fantastic lyrics and comments – I feel a deep contentment and joy reading them. Just what I needed too! xx



  10.  #10Daria on March 29, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    wow Honey thank you! I feel crying. i used the I’ll still love u tool and oh wow. thank u



  11.  #11Daria on March 29, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    im feeling scared. scared i wont. scared i cant. scared of stuckenss. scared of boredom. scared of forever in my glass cage prison. oh. i open the door of my glass cage and . i dont deserve it. its not safe. it would hurt my mohter. i feel pulled back. what do i see out there. i want out there. i feel desperate.

    i see freedom. i feel anger. i see people friendly. i feel fear. i see sigh. i see happy. i feel sigh.

    i love my feelings. i love my glass cage that is so beautiful.

    i love my out there that is even more beautiful. can i go on top of my cage. here i am on top of my cage

    i feel exhilarated on top of the world!. I feel terrified of losing my perch.

    i have wings!! this time. i love the time i was a baby and was on that big rock and i didnt have wings. i felt terrified.

    i have wings. flap flap. the air could take me up. i feel scary

    the air is taking me up

    i am soaring

    i feel weeeeee

    i feel heheheee
    i feel sun and coolness under wing

    i feel fla
    p

    i feel power

    i feel i wnat to land in the out there

    and i land and

    i feel

    bored

    moor

    boredom

    cage in the middle of nowhere

    hmmm

    i love my feelng of disappointment

    i love my feeling of desolation

    i love my feeling of aloneness

    i feel powerful and strong to be alone

    i feel worthy of admiration to be alone

    i feel important i feel special i feel detached and untouchable and i feel sigh

    i love my feelings

    i love my feelings

    i love my wnating to compete and be the best

    i love my feeling of aloneess at being the best

    i love my desperate rolling on the ground in tears to not b ealone ness
    i love my alonesee

    i feel wise. i feel hermit. i feel admiration for strenght of self i feel awe amazement. i feel afraid of myself. i feel disconnected from myself. i feel looking to the left to “see” i see looking to the left i see what i feel. i feel. better than everyone in the world and i feel frustrated. i feel unwordy. i feel quiet unfeelingness. i feel dispassionated resigned ness. i feel resigned neess. i feel PATIENT. i feel not patient resigend. pateient feels GOOD. i wnat to feel pateinte to get whta i want at the end… and i feel happy. and this feels better. bettere bertter theres a purpose ot my secluision. oorrrrr i feel alone. agian. diappointement. shutdowness numbness. i feel frustartaion . i feel tightness in neckness… i feeel tightness in chestness… i feel canttakeness… i feel… i love my feelings. i love my feelings.

    a part of my being already knows thea t even thought this was not true in the past, i now have permission to return among people, feel Under my numbness and UTHAW my clear cage that chest feeling. and that part of my being is willing to inform the resot me now. it is now doing so. my mind body and spirit are recieivng the information. information transfer is now complete.



  12.  #12Tina on March 29, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    I would be good if…



  13.  #13Honey on March 29, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Go Daria! The feeling goddess, wow how spectacular! xoxo I feel love and peace.



  14.  #14gina on March 29, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    I feel triggered by her flute playing. I feel judgmental. i feel arrogant, and annoyed and superior. tense shoulders up around my face. face like I smell something stinky. ick…shake it off.



  15.  #15gina on March 29, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    so my “business husband” is so super weird. It’s like he’s saying ALL the WRONG things, but it doesn’t really feel bad. I don’t want anything romantic with him though. AT ALL. When I think of romance with him, I feel scared. He told me about his past and it feels dirty and skeezy and violent and intoxicated and insane and sad. I don’t want it. but I do feel good about partnering with him on this venture. At least for now. In fact I feel real effing excited. Ima be the CHIEF OPERATIONS OFFICER. I love the sound of it. Though I haven’t done a lick of work for it yet, so we’ll see. But it appears to be all the things I’ve wanted…we’ll see.
    Last night, he made some comment about “the last time he was charged with an assault.” and then I grilled him about his history of “assaults.” He said that his own mom charged him with assault and even accused him of raping her (but his side of the story, of course, sounds reasonable – he says she is crazy). And then when I asked about whether he ever hit women, he said that he did hit his exes in defense. And he said that me asking him if he ever hit women is like asking someone if they ever speed when they drive. I was like “WHAA??!” and I wish I could make those letters bigger and bolder. cause, for real… “WTF??”
    He knows that this conversation FREAKED ME OUT. So he suggested that we only meet in public places until I feel comfortable with him enough to trust him alone. Which may be never. Cause, just as soon as he assures me that we’ve got this business partnership thang going, and I get pumped about the work we’re gonna do, he sends me some cheezeball text pic of his face saying “what up?” and I just dunno. If he would just get a girlfriend, I think I would feel much better. please universe, send this man a woman (who would not be able to replace me in my role as COO. (lovin it!!)



  16.  #16Triza on March 29, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    Honey……
    Thank you.I feel progress and yesterday i resolved that no matter what…..I love and accept myself completely…I feel the shift in my vibe.
    I am ready to learn and experiment and love and be loved and i trust the universe to take care of me…i am a goddess after all.



  17.  #17mary on March 29, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    daria, have you ever heard this? one day you will fly…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Cin0QzuEss&feature=fvw



  18.  #18mary on March 30, 2010 at 12:00 am


  19.  #19mary on March 30, 2010 at 6:21 am

    Hello Gina,

    I’m wondering if you’ve already signed a partnership agreement with this guy? I heard once (was it Rori? I dunno) that men will usually tell you on the first three or four dates who they really are and what their relationship goals are. Maybe true for business, too? Is your heart trying to engage? Is it not too late for your head to make the choice? What does your head tell you about the partnership, and about having to meet in a public place until you feel more comfortable?



  20.  #20TW on March 30, 2010 at 6:37 am

    Hello ladies-
    Today I feel confused and unnerved. My boyfriend and I had a conversation the other day through text because we were both at work but anyway it led to some unnerving things. I asked him if he watned to work on the relationship and he said that he was really busy and could not give me the time or the energy that I needed or deserved so I said okay and then I said are we breaking up and he said I am not sure. I gave him an opportunity to leave the relationship without all of the drama and madness but he did dnot take it. This man once looked at me with so much love in his eyes and dreams for us and our children and now life has consumed what was once so perfect and made it into a pit of despair. He hangs on but for what. I love him but have never uttered the words to him for fear of getting hurt but why does my fear have to consume me. I want to turn it around but I am unsure how. What shall I say or what shall I do or shall I do nothing. I asked him if he wanted to see other people and he said that he has no plans to but the choice would be mine if I wanted to. I did not respond further than that because what I wanted was him… I need some help ladies. I know I should circular date but it is fair for me to keep my feelings bottled up inside or should I release them and let him know. My therapist says that I always keep things bottled up inside until the problem becomes so big. I just simply want him to hold me and comfort me and let me know that everything is going to be okay.



  21.  #21TW on March 30, 2010 at 6:53 am

    Rori-
    Can you give me a little insight if you have some time? I need some help and fast. I feel like crying.. I feel like screaming.. I feel like just going to sleep and trying it all over again. I feel the need to tell him to make a decision and stop being like this with me. I feel like running. I feel like going to yoga and listening to the soft music they play as you relax.



  22.  #22Katarina on March 30, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Gina reading about your business partner makes me feel soooo scared and like running away as fast as possible.

    Likening hitting a woman to speeding when you DRIVE? My instinct is to shake you and say “what are you thinking,” but that’s because I wouldn’t trust myself not to get sucked-in if it were me in that situation.

    I’m afraid to post this as I’m scared you will be angry and defensive that I am questioning your judgement.



  23.  #23Katarina on March 30, 2010 at 9:39 am

    Is it a limiting belief that I cannot wrap my head around someone having business integrity that lacks it personally? Gina’s situation is majorly triggering me and it’s causing tension in my brows shoulders and back. What is this about? I feel scared for Gina that he is trying to hurt her! Where is this coming from???



  24.  #24mumtaz on March 30, 2010 at 10:36 am

    yesterday i was having a good and bad day, i went to sleep for a while and the guy am in love with text me not to call him with an endearment i use, which he taught me and calls me also… i dont know what happened i just spilled everything i was feeling anger, frustration and the truth about what i was bottling up and looking the other way waiting for it to get better… i told him about him and how i feel betrayed and how he failed me, i expressed everything all the pent up feelings and told him that i feel abandoned, left alone, lied to, decieved and how i feel disappointed with the broken promises that were made and not followed through… letting everything out felt SO GOOD and i felt i was breathing again and the tears stopped and the lump in my throat vanished… i feel renewed today.. and this song expresses my thoughts into words… thank you Rori… i let my inner drama queen out… why is it ok he should require time and space and when i want it he has a fit and blames me for pushing him away, when in reality he made a choice and cant live with it and take responsibility… i expressed my self to him as Rori suggested in her letters and blogs but one thing i kept bottle up, my anger. But no more… let him stew in his own misery i dont want anything to do with it, he wants me he can come and find me because i am stepping up to take care of myself which i do best and he keeps pulling me back… i told him you want me step up and take responsibilty or back off… i told him i love him and will miss him now am driving down to london to enjoy myself with the people who give me the love and respect i deserve… when he’s through fighting his personal demon he knows where i am he can find me… (big sigh) as leowna lewis said I got you… I also got me;

    A place to crash
    I got you
    No need to ask
    I got you
    Just get on the phone
    I got you
    Come and pick you up if I have to
    What’s weird about it
    Is we’re right at the end
    And mad about it
    Just figured it out in my head
    I’m proud to say
    I got you

    Go ahead and say goodbye
    I’ll be alright
    Go ahead and make me cry
    I’ll be alright
    And when you need a place to run to
    For better for worse
    I got you
    I got you

    Ain’t falling a part, or bitter
    Let’s be bigger than that and remember
    The cooling outdoor when you’re all alone
    We’ll go on surviving
    No drama, no need for a show
    Just wanna say
    I got you

    Go ahead and say goodbye
    I’ll be alright
    Go ahead and make me cry
    I’ll be alright
    And when you need a place to run to
    For better for worse
    I got you
    Go ahead and say goodbye (go ahead)
    I’ll be alright (say goodbye)
    Go ahead and make me cry
    I’ll be alright
    And when you need a place to run to
    For better for worse
    I got you

    ‘Cause this is love and life
    And nothing we can both control
    And if it don’t feel right
    You’re not losing me by letting me know

    Go ahead and say goodbye (say goodbye)
    I’ll be alright
    Go ahead and make me cry
    I’ll be alright
    And when you need a place to run to
    For better for worse
    I got you
    Go ahead and say goodbye (go ahead)
    I’ll be alright (say goodbye)
    Go ahead and make me cry
    I’ll be alright
    And when you need a place to run to
    For better for worse
    I got you

    A place to crash
    I got you
    No need to ask
    I got you

    love mumtaz



  25.  #25mary on March 30, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Hmmmmmm, TW. I feel sad for you! I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you today… It sounds like your boyfriend isn’t ready to leave just yet, so what you do now is very important. I would highly suggest all of Rori’s literature and also an eBook called StopYourDivorce by Homer McDonald. It’s worth every penny. If you do everything in the eBook, you’ll feel much better! It worked for me. It’s a win/win scenario… that you have control of… stopyourdivorce.com



  26.  #26TW on March 30, 2010 at 11:45 am

    Mary…
    Big hugs to you and thank you so much for your concern. He had the option to leave and chose to say that he was not sure so I just really do not know where that leaves me. I will check the site out tonight. Love you and thanks again.



  27.  #27Daria on March 30, 2010 at 11:52 am

    Ah.. that leona lewis song is the ultimate no no! that’s totally what we do that DOESN;T WORK



  28.  #28TW on March 30, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Hey Daria…

    It’s been a long time.. How have you been? Yo ucan see frommy post how I have been



  29.  #29Rori Raye on March 30, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    all I can say about this song is eeeeeyyyyyyuuuuuu….

    There’s something nice about not needing to be angry and still loving….but this is just….well…..icky. Love, Rori



  30.  #30Rori Raye on March 30, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    TW – the solution for you is to PRACTICE speaking your feelings, and speaking the truth – and starting with him is very intense and challenging. That’s what Circular Dating is for. To practice opening up and unbottling yourself in the presence of men who you are not invested in. Can you see how this would help you? Love, Rori



  31.  #31Rori Raye on March 30, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    Gina – I would never, ever, even TALK a second time with someone who is so cavalier about important things and who SCARES me. Much less do BUSINESS with him. This is so sending yourself down the river…I would like you to find a good attorney, talk this over with a business coach before you do something that will be bad for you. I know many women with partnerships with people they LIKED that went horribly sour. This is asking for trouble. Love, Rori



  32.  #32TW on March 30, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Rori-

    Thanks.. I am excited about trying the circular dating thing but the feelings are just bottled up right now because he barely calls and we do not really see each other. He has drifted that much away from me but refuses to leave the relationship officially. I mean he has the option to go and I made it in a non dramatic environment so he would feel comfortable. I want it to be like it was when I first met him. I was really happy. Do I contact him or just leave him alone and go on?



  33.  #33lm on March 30, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    hey ladies! i need some advice!

    i’ve been leaning way way back over the past few weeks and enjoying my own time (lots of time with friends, band practice and yoga). my guy is acting confused and sort of angry. he’s made a couple of snarky comments about what i’ve been up to and sent a bitchy email about the fact i hadn’t called him while i was out with friends then ignored my reply. he still asks me out on dates a few times a week and is in contact at least once a day. i remember rori saying that anger from a man in this situation can be good. just wondering what other goddesses might do in my situation. i feel like he’s trying to start fights, which is how we used to be…tonnes of drama, i was always upset. now that things are different it’s like he wants us to fight again. i feel annoyed!!!



  34.  #34Lucy on March 30, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Im — That sounds very interesting! Sounds like he feels so uncomfortable with the change that he wants to go back to what he’s used to with you – fighting. I would just keep doing what you’re doing, and keep to feeling messages and don’t invest in him enough to give him the fight he’s asking for!

    <3
    Lucy



  35.  #35TW on March 30, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Makes Sense Lucy



  36.  #36jackie on March 30, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    wow. ive always resisted her song.s but that is great thanx



  37.  #37Rori Raye on March 30, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    jackie, Hi, and — I’m actually not a major music person – I just sort of found this (and so many people know it…)…glad to have you aboard here…Love, Rori



  38.  #38gina on March 30, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    Thanks Rori,
    But I met with him and the graphic designer today, and I actually feel really good about everything. I feel big and strong around him. He has a messy personal past and I don’t want to reproduce with him, but I feel very good about this graphic designer, the concept of the magazine, the role I’m playing, and our ability to create something good. I’ll be writing a regular column to be featured in the back of the magazine, and the plan is for me to be featured on the cover and in a full spread of the first edition. I am involved in the creative development and in sales, and I’m super stoked. Plus the universe answered my prayer about finding him a woman – in fact, today I met a woman he is starting to date. I never actually felt scared in my guts, but my brain couldn’t get past the negative information he gives me. I watched him do it at the meeting with the graphic designer – he puts himself down. It’s unattractive, and perhaps signifies that he isn’t entirely reliable cause he is openly sabotaging himself, but all the details of the magazine are falling into place in such a wonderful way that I FEEL super blessed, and not like I’m headed down the river at all.
    He seems like an abused puppy that is trying really hard to please everybody, believes it’s bad, is trying to be good, feels weird when it’s treated well, and desperate to feel accepted – but loyal and perfectly good at playing catch. I maybe wouldn’t want to take the puppy home – cause it might do weird things like use the bathroom where it’s not supposed to…but I would agree to walk the dog and play catch with it sometimes. And, should things change, maybe he would be the one to go – the graphic designer is the primary producer of the group, and i believe that I will have a lot to contribute…
    I’m open, yet cautious…



  39.  #39Daria on March 30, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Omgosh!

    I just did this “Derivative Bath” where you keep your body warm wearing a sweater and sox, and then out of a bucket of cold water you sit like on the toilet and rub down your nani -pubic area – witha washcloth with cold water, for like 15 min.

    This is suppose to draw toxins and fats down and be VERY healing, um wow.

    I did 15 minutes and my sore throat is 95% gone!!!

    I’m loving it!! omg. I feel so much BETTER in my body too.

    this is just awesome !

    I got the sore throat really cuz its my uti which is some kinda strep though they say its group b, not like the strep Throat kind- YEAH right!!… I did the swishing oil in my mouth – oil pulling thing – and pulled the infection up to my throat for 3 weeks last time ! (and i think that may have majorly contributed in it clearing “down there” that time)

    So now i’m excited that this cold water nani bath will definitely pull all down and eliminate it!! yah!!!

    i’m so thrilled. im the magic goddess medicine woman…

    in french on derivative bath, by France Guillan

    or in google books you can find louis kuhne friction sitz bath for women

    yay happy goddess right now

    PS – wendy’s 100% beef blue cheese burger is the best blue cheese burger ever, the blue cheese is not even overwhelming… tastes like romanian food yum

    I feel so happy! the bath kicked in endorphins and cleared my groggyness

    omgosh!

    i’m sooo glad

    yayayaya



  40.  #40Daria on March 30, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Yay GINA!! sounds AWESOME!!



  41.  #41Lucy on March 30, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    Gina, interesting metaphor. Abused puppies are very dangerous — out of fear they brutally attack even those who treat them well. 🙁 We adopted an abused puppy and it was a sad and horrible nightmare. He bit five family members before having to be put to sleep. The worst was when he almost took my daughter’s thumb off. 🙁

    <3
    Lucy



  42.  #42Lucy on March 30, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    Daria, yay for endorphins! and the burger sounds awesome, I’ll have to try it!

    <3
    Lucy



  43.  #43Daria on March 30, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Lucy – oh no! i feel concerned hearing about the biting puppy… pet eft and dog whisperer? i feel judgemental hearing “having to be put down” … i feel tightened up above my tummy !



  44.  #44Lucy on March 30, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    I understand, Daria. I felt judgmental of myself, too, but we didn’t have a choice – when my niece got bit, we had to take her to the doctor for a tetanus shot, and the doctor was required by law to report the bite. Then my daughter had to go to the doctor for stitches on her thumb, and so that bite was reported. After that, the dog was considered by law to be too dangerous. We had been in the process of an evaluation by the vet who said the dog MIGHT be helped by a dog whisperer but that he was pretty bad and that in the meantime, while he was being worked with, he could get loose and kill a child. 🙁



  45.  #45Lucy on March 30, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    The really sad part is that we got the dog shortly after my ex abandoned the kids — my boys especially wanted the dog and I thought a lively male puppy would provide that masculine energy that was missing without their dad in the picture. My youngest took full responsibility for feeding, walking, etc. — he was 12 at the time — and grew so attached to the dog. The dog could be so sweet and adorable and funny but then he would change in a split second and become ferocious.

    It was heartbreaking for all of us, but especially for my young son. 🙁 I felt so angry at my ex during that time, since the puppy was supposed to be a “dad replacement” and ended up being another heartbreak instead, just like their dad.



  46.  #46Daria on March 30, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    oh lucy! hugs! i feel reassured and solid and safe reading what u wrote. aww…



  47.  #47Lucy on March 30, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Thanks, Daria. <3



  48.  #48gina on March 30, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    Well this guy is trying really hard – he’s going to some sort of therapy tonight…I’m willing to give him a chance. (business-wise)



  49.  #49mary on March 30, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Hey Gina,

    I thought Rori had some good advice there… but that’s just me.



  50.  #50Daria on March 30, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    Gina – I don’t see what this business arrangement has to do with “wife.”

    I know Rori told us before that in showbiz, if we are rockstars, we can receive a lot of help from men in power, and benefit rather than wind up “feeling used.”

    So i think this is what you’re doing. However, whats with the wife thing? i mean… you’re business partners… not husband and wife… is he just a business partner that likes you… that would feel cool to me…

    but if it was something else for me, well it wouldnt



  51.  #51gina on March 30, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    yeah, the “wife” thing…i dunno – he just says that he wants us have a close enough bond to where we can complete each others sentences. He wants to be able to fill in eachothers’ weak spots. He seems to feel inspired by the fact that he finds me attractive – he has expressed that it makes him more excited about the whole business venture. But that he wants to keep it professional and that he is not trying to date me. It does seem like he is a business partner that likes me, and he is doing everything he can to make me feel comfortable. My only concern was that I couldn’t trust what he said about wanting to keep it professional…but so far he is following through. He keeps assuring me that he needs me and has every interest in protecting me and that he would never ever do anything to hurt me. He obviously had violence in his relationships with his 2 wives – he says it was mutual, but that it isn’t something that he is proud of, though he did say that he considers himself somewhat of a victim, and insists that he was provoked. When i mentioned how weirded out I felt at his comment, about how hitting women is as common or expected as speeding, he implied that he felt shamed and was trying to make light of an uncomfortable topic – something that, again, he is not proud of, and yet, he insists that it was in response to volatile situations that came up in dysfunctional relationships, compounded by alcohol abuse. He isn’t drinking now, and he has been actively pursuing help to get his act together.



  52.  #52gina on March 30, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    I realize it’s a little risky, but, right now, I feel good about everything.



  53.  #53dorothea on March 30, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    gina, i for one don’t feel that weird about who your business partner is. and it’s even ok to feel flattered and you don’t have to trip about well he said this this way and that that way. you have your boundaries already so all you have to worry about is enforcing them if something bad happens. we don’t have to worry from the very start that something bad will happen.

    i work with people all the time with very colorful stories and who act a little less businessy than msnbc would like me to believe is normal. and they do great work and are a major asset.



  54.  #54gina on March 30, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    Thank you Dorothea. I do believe it’s totally possible to enforce these boundaries and make it work. Thanks for the support. and thanks for the words of warning from Rori and Mary – I see both sides. But mainly, it feels really good to realize that this is an opportunity that I AM EXCITED ABOUT!!! good to know….



  55.  #55dorothea on March 31, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    You’re welcome, Gina. Where I come from, people are messy. They’re still capable of conducting business successfully. I kind of like your partner for his openness. I’m messy too but I can run the hell out of major business. I’m just some young crazy chick who bit and hit my ex and threw wine bottles around his kitchen, but I still make business happen, and I do it well on a very large scale. And I will tell people about this side of me in my past, and how I don’t want to be in that position ever again, and how I am growing.

    I love myself, I love your partner, and I love you<3



  56.  #56Sheri Amor on April 7, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    I will be Good no BETTER!
    Without HIM!
    I will find myself once more & be a BETTER women & grow into a wonderful self sufficient me!
    I will be Good no better!
    Soon I will stand on my own again & be with a man for just love & not need………
    Wanting to be with him not needing to be!
    Stand on my own!
    Freedom , broken Hearted yet full of spirit to fly solo like an eagle!
    Freedom is not free at all!
    Yet worth the cost!
    My Life!



  57.  #57Rori Raye on April 8, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Sheri – Welcome and thank you! This is so great!! Better!!! Love, Rori



  58.  #58Brenda on April 20, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    I just feel so deflated today. I hate penises today because Bill, the guy at work, stood me up for the third time after inviting me the day before for a coffee break. Sometimes I wish I could have a penis and be a man so I could be a role model to other men how to treat a lady. 🙁

    I just didn’t need that on top of all the pain I’m still dealing with from Ryan, the last man who turned my heart into linguini. I know I overreacted, internally, but I got this drained feeling for about two hours and even got tears in my eyes. To him I just treated it lightly. But I was so looking forward to it. I dressed extra nice, took extra time with my makeup, tweezed my eyebrows. And he forgot.

    I guess he’s just not as interested as me. I feel so frustrated with men. I am so sick of dating. No wonder women turn into lesbians. They get sick of being treated second class.

    🙁 Rori, I’ve been listening to your relationship CDs repeatedly for a full year now. I went from feeling icky about circular dating to feeling totally empowered by it and convinced it is THE way. But right now I am SO WEARY of dating. I am SO WEARY of feeling rejected when men who don’t know the diamond they have in front of them cast me aside like pond scum. I just have too much pain to date! I am raw inside if I actually get tears in my eyes because a man at work who is only starting to get to know me forgets an at-work coffee “date”!

    Yes, I am emotional soup. I work as a document specialist, a job that uses my intellect, while I am mostly a feeling woman. I need to express, express, express myself! And altho there’s a lot of love inside, it’s mixed with so much pain! And all my girlfriends are getting sick of hearing it! I’m addicted to Ryan, even tho he was very hurtful, and I keep texting him like an alcoholic going back to the same bottle that is killing her. Ha! My counselor tells me to not text him, as I KNOW Rori would recommend. But as an addict, I count days – I’m currently at 5 “clean days” of not texting him – and I yearn for him in seconds, milliseconds, wanting back the good times…before he TOTALLY led me on to believe he was about to propose to me then killed me softly with the words, “I told you, it’s just a friendship. I’m not in love with you.”



  59.  #59Rori Raye on April 20, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Brenda, Welcome, and I say BRAVA to you for working so hard to overcome your addiction. You KNOW you’re a junkie for love…and you must stop giving your power away to men. This is a step-by-step, baby-step process that will unearth all your old traumatic reactions…and bring you greater peace and happiness faster and in a fun way if you approach it that way. A man stands you up once – please say “Next” and do not let him get a second chance. For you, a recovering addict…I understand the second chance — but you know as well as I do that the third chance you gave him was your “fix.” I don’t want you to need that anymore…We will all help you here. Love, Rori



  60.  #60rejoiceadjeiwaa on February 21, 2011 at 7:23 am

    I really like, the song, am inspired by the words.Thanks.