The 4 R’s – My First “Garden Chat” Video

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  1.  #1marina on July 14, 2011 at 7:12 am

    Hi Rori, you look wonderful, happy to see you!

    Release
    relieve
    recover
    receive

    I think I can do that!

    I love feing relieved when I sink into my feelings and release my fear of not knowing how to deal with them…

    Right now I would like my laptop ti recover so I can receivejob offers 😉

    XXX marina



  2.  #2Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 7:15 am

    Hello, world. I’m still thankful.

    😀

    xoxo



  3.  #3marina on July 14, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Hello SLV!
    Happy to see you too! I liked the mermaid you posted. Do you know the french painter Raymond Peynet? I have a copy of one of his paintings with a mermaid and her lover. I love his Les Amoureux (The Lovers) drawings and paintings.

    Xxx



  4.  #4Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 7:35 am

    112: Lilybelle says:

    I would seriously like to find a way to get past this huge block of FEAR I have in dating.

    And by dating, I mean CDing. Any concept that involves me and a man connecting one on one.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Funny how people can seem so different on the net than in real life because you seem so confident and open here. I would have never guessed you wrote this post had your name not been on it.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    125: Lilybelle says:

    116: I haven’t listened to these and I wish I was going to be able to listen to the one you posted but alas…I have school tonight. I wish it was a class for something fun and for my personal life but it is a Project Management class I need to get my next promotion.

    I don’t feel “stuck” . I just feel afraid. Afraid of totally opening up my heart…fear of chosing wrong again…fear of NOT ever having the relationship I desire…Fear of really stepping into it…Just fear.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Project management.

    Have you ever thought of turning your professional skills toward assessing what is really important to you as in a needs and wants list?

    Maybe write one up on what you need and want in a man. Then sit on it for a while. After you have done this, go back to it a few days later and read it. Ask your self if every one of those “needs” are really so important that they need to be on the “needs” list. Maybe they should be on the “wants” list.

    I remember Dr. Phil doing something like this with some very good quality women who had a block in finding a good man. One woman literally wouldn’t give a guy a chance if he wore sandals. Dr. Phil ended up finding her a perfect guy, who wore sandals. And he helped her get past that block.

    You seem to be a great woman and I would be surprised if there weren’t a lot of great guys who are interested in you. But I wonder if you have disqualified some based on some “need” that really isn’t all that important.

    Myself, I think my needs list is pretty short.

    1. Honest (Self explanatory, but doesn’t mean she has to verbalize every thought or feeling that crosses her mind)
    2. Very Affectionate (Very important to me)
    3. Happy (Quick to smile, not allowing little things to bother her, and having a thick skin would be big parts of this.)
    4. Kind (Seems to be an essential feminine energy thing that is important to me. Being very forgiving would be a big part of this.)
    5. Attractive (Read that as doesn’t have to be a model)
    6. Intelligent (I like to talk and debate, for those that didn’t notice that. 😉 )
    7. Adventurous (and healthy enough to go on long hikes, like maybe a weekend, or week long hiking and camping excursion through the Grand Canyon)
    8. Loyal (She must give me the feeling that it is me and her against the world, not me against her and the world)
    9. Not a Gossiper (Huge pet peeve is people who talk behind other people’s backs in a manner that they wouldn’t in front of them)



  5.  #5Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Hmmm, part of my post got cut off.

    I was saying that I feel that I have created a situation for myself where what I need in a woman is known to me but I am also not ruling out women based on things that in truth are fairly trivial.

    For instance, I don’t really care if family and friends approve of her or not. I am the only one she has to please. Is it nice if at least some family and friends like her? Sure, but it isn’t a requirement for me. That also comes from a part of me that says, “She is #1, she is in the inner circle, an everybody else is outside of that circle.

    I don’t worry if she wears high heels or flats. She can be a high powered professional or a waitress. She can be blond, brunette, or a redhead. She can have long or short hair. She can be super fit, or a few extra pounds, though I tend to prefer women that are medium in build. Not super thin, and not VERY overweight.

    She can have kids, or not. She can be close to her family, or not. She can like to dance, or not.

    So many things just don’t even really matter to me. I may have some preferences but I don’t allow them to rule my world, and thus rule out a woman that might be a great person to be around.



  6.  #6marina on July 14, 2011 at 7:53 am

    Hi Rusty,
    That is quite a list.
    Funny, I realize I never thought of making such a list. So far I am more of a ‘it just has to feel good’ and ‘let’s go with the flow’ person.

    I do feel curious. What do you mean by
    ‘ I am the only one she has to please’ ?

    So far trying to please my BF’s has worked counterproductive for me.

    Xxx marina



  7.  #7Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 7:56 am

    @3: marina says:
    “…Do you know the french painter Raymond Peynet?..”

    No, I didn’t but now I’m going to research him. Thanks! Good luck on your career planning and job campaigns.

    If you come across Barbara Sher, check her out too. I often recommend her. She’s more geared to living the life you want etc and most importantly, figuring out a plan to do it! That appeals most to me. She’s American but often does workshops and retreats in Europe. I read her first book years ago and fell in love with myself even more.

    Enjoy the mermaids…

    xoxo



  8.  #8Lilybelle on July 14, 2011 at 7:57 am

    4:

    Well, Rusty. 99% of the time I am the confident and open person you see here. But this blog, for the most part, allows me to let my fears out…literally letting them out so that I can deal with them.
    I don’t know if you are aware of what brought me here in the first place but holy hannah, RMan…it was a different story. I was a puddle and a mess but a fast learner.

    I had the list of things that I thought were essential to me as far as a relationship is concerend. I tossed it out and the only request I have is that someone enters my life that is for my highest good and happiness…and for my son’s.

    I don’t care what a person does…I have basic “guidelines” as to the type of qualities I desire and they have nothing to do with hobbies, goals, or any of that but have everything to do with the kind of man he is…inside…where it really, really matters.

    Does that make sense?



  9.  #9DE on July 14, 2011 at 8:02 am

    Wonderful video Rori!!! I love the tools…

    Feeling all kinds of emotions lately…from high to low…or between…

    I feel mellow…fully relaxed, sinking in my chair typing this…like in trance…it feels good…i don’t want to move too quickly…the more i can feel these sensations…the better…i feel high…and i had just a cup of coffee…lol…okay, now i feel silly…silly me…

    oh no….and now i feel like crying…maybe the numbness was hiding my fears…i feel fearful too…asking for miracles…and surrendering to the Spirit…

    Sigh…of relief…melancholic surrender unfolding within…

    Warm hugs,



  10.  #10marina on July 14, 2011 at 8:03 am

    Hi SLV,

    Thank you!
    I am going to check out Barbara Cher and the 5’o clock club 🙂

    Xxx



  11.  #11marina on July 14, 2011 at 8:04 am

    Hi SLV,

    Thank you!
    I am going to check out Barbara Cher and the 5 o’clock club.

    Xxx



  12.  #12marina on July 14, 2011 at 8:06 am

    Oops…Lol



  13.  #13Ella on July 14, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Hey Sirens,

    You wanted to see the vidoe of my teaching Zumba at that night I told you abour a while ago…

    Here is the link. There are 2 trapeze artists and 1 Burlesque performer before me… The Zumba is at the end:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUZfw88TYeE

    xxxx



  14.  #14Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 8:18 am

    @11: marina says:
    “…Hi SLV,
    Thank you!
    I am going to check out Barbara Cher and the 5 o’clock club.”

    I think you will love them. Neither is just for women eeither. It’s all equal opportunity life planning. LOL 😆

    B. Sher does a lot of public TV and there are some YouTube vids but mostly just showing the workshops.

    Have fun!!!

    xoxo



  15.  #15Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 8:19 am

    @13: Ella:

    Yay! Going to watch now.

    😀



  16.  #16Jules on July 14, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Hi Rori

    I am in a dilemma six months ago I met a great guy on a dating site. We see each other once or twice a week – he phones or texts me every day – I thought we were being ‘grown up’ taking things steady (we haven’t met each others friends or children! Now I discover that he is still on the dating site and I don’t know what to do – he has admitted that he is but not to look for someone for dates!



  17.  #17marina on July 14, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Oh my! I like this Barbara Sher! She is so funny and earthy and I feel totally relaxed by what she says. It hits home a lot. Gonna watch some more 🙂

    Its raining here like it is already autumn instead of a Summerish July day. I feel warm and cozy being inside.



  18.  #18Ella on July 14, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Hi Jules,

    Have you got Rori’s programme targeting Mr Right? Think you would find it helpful.

    Are you circular dating?

    xoxox



  19.  #19Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 9:59 am

    6: marina says:

    I do feel curious. What do you mean by
    ‘ I am the only one she has to please’ ?

    So far trying to please my BF’s has worked counterproductive for me.

    Xxx marina

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I don’t mean so much doing anything specific, or literally doing things FOR me…just that I don’t require her to please other people in my life such as friends or family. If she makes me happy, I could literally care less what others think, and I am 100% on her side. I don’t take sides against my woman. I am there for her, not other people. If I agree with somebody else, I won’t take sides against her. I may talk with her in private about whatever subject came up, but I won’t take sides against her in public. I would feel like I betrayed her if I did.

    As I have said before, to me, I have to feel that is me and her against the world. You don’t get that by taking sides against her.



  20.  #20Kyla on July 14, 2011 at 10:01 am

    Oooh Ella I want to take a zumba class 🙂 That looks like fun!



  21.  #21Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 10:04 am

    8: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    4:

    Well, Rusty. 99% of the time I am the confident and open person you see here. But this blog, for the most part, allows me to let my fears out…literally letting them out so that I can deal with them.
    I don’t know if you are aware of what brought me here in the first place but holy hannah, RMan…it was a different story. I was a puddle and a mess but a fast learner.

    I had the list of things that I thought were essential to me as far as a relationship is concerend. I tossed it out and the only request I have is that someone enters my life that is for my highest good and happiness…and for my son’s.

    I don’t care what a person does…I have basic “guidelines” as to the type of qualities I desire and they have nothing to do with hobbies, goals, or any of that but have everything to do with the kind of man he is…inside…where it really, really matters.

    Does that make sense?

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Makes perfect sense. Sad that when people have such good paths set before them, that it doesn’t always turn up somebody with good intentions.

    Sometimes I think that is our purpose in life…to learn that so many things we thought were important, really aren’t that important.

    I think I have grown in that manner. I mean now, I would be far happier living in a tent with the right woman, than living in a mansion with the wrong one.

    As you said, it all has to do with what’s inside. Outside is more icing on the cake, or not even that important.



  22.  #22Lilybelle on July 14, 2011 at 10:27 am

    21:

    I could be holding myself away from that right now even though the intention and desire is well set. And that is what started me thinking out loud here this morning. 😉

    ..and I will move forward…even more fabulous than I am today. 😉 And, maybe it really is just “jumping” and healing on the go and not so much thought should be put into it on my part. I hate to think *I* could be the one keeping love out of my life all because of some dickwad. 😉 “They” are not ALL like him…far from it.

    But, I also believe that those who come into my life, come in for a reason. There is something for me to learn and learn I have.



  23.  #23Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 10:47 am

    How old is your son Lilybelle? I mean, does he live with you, or is he off to college? Many of the ladies here have mentioned their age, but I don’t remember you doing so. So I don’t know if you are 31, with a 10 year old son, for instance, or older, with a son in college, or married.



  24.  #24Lilybelle on July 14, 2011 at 10:58 am

    23:

    He’s turning 16 on the 26th and starting his Sophmore year of HS in the fall. 🙁 sniff sniff

    His dad and I could teach a class on co-parenting. He’s an amazing young man and we are so proud of him. Most importantly, HE is proud of the man he is becoming.

    I have been very quiet with my dating life since the divorce as far as my son is concerned. I don’t introduce men to my son and have only done so twice in the ten years that I have been separated and subsequently, divorced. I had an off again/on again relationship with a man I deeply loved, for five years but because of this off/on thing, I never felt comfortable introducing them. It was a good call on my part.

    But I digress….again..



  25.  #25Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 11:16 am

    @Ella

    I got a little nervous watching the rope performer and trapeeze artist do their routines without netting, or trampolines beneath. Wow! I like more safety… 😀

    Loved the zumba. I’ve never done it. It looks like so much fun and everybody was so happy doing it.

    😀



  26.  #26Brenda on July 14, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Yay, Rori!

    I love your video! You are so beautiful, inside and out! I love the 4 R’s!

    Let’s hope I implemented the 4 R’s properly in this email I just sent to Miho, the lady with whom I’m living until I get on my feet…what do you all think? Yikes! Here goes…

    Hi Miho,

    I am responding to what you said about paying me $45 for the next curtain job, along with a few other things. You said you want me to be honest, and I gave it a lot of thought before responding. I am writing you instead of talking to you, because I find it easier to express myself in writing.

    I love you and respect you very much, and I would feel so happy if we remained lifelong friends. You are a very special lady, and you are a role model to me in so many ways: in your productivity; enthusiasm; creativity; and so much more you express with your exuberant personality. Because I love you so much, I have felt heavy hearted, like I was hit with a ton of bricks, at several junctures, when I have felt uninvited, etc.

    First I’d like to address the $300 a month I agreed to. I am very sorry I have been unable to pay you anything yet. I will pay it, but it’s all part of the snowball effect of why I was in this position in the first place: I had a lot of extra expenses with moving, such as renting the storage and the moving truck, and then extra expenses immediately following that with living out of my car. Leading up to my move, I had a major car repair plus inspection, and it all left me wiped out and unable to rent a place. My issue was not being able to find a pet friendly rental, although it was a challenge. My issue was not enough money for a security deposit and first month rent.

    So I was teetering on the edge of financial chaos when unemployment paused my checks, and now I am in a total tailspin. I want to promise you the first $300 when I get a check on July 20th. Yet, if I do, I will be bouncing my account all over again for the next two weeks. If I could hold off until August 3rd to pay you it, I could get my financial feet back under me by not having to live in the red for the remainder of July. I am still down and out and I would appreciate it if you could work with me on that. I promise you I will pay you in full asap.

    Beyond that, I have hesitated to say much, because I feel completely powerless and at your mercy. It’s a humbling, even humiliating place to be, and I hate it. I don’t have anywhere else to go, and the Bible is correct when it says, “The borrower is servant to the lender.” I have been grinning and bearing it at every turn, because it is your house. Yet there are times when I feel harangued to within an inch of my sanity when every move I make is dictated and criticized, such as the things I put in the refrigerator and being told to water the grass BEFORE the dogs go to the bathroom instead of AFTER. I feel exasperated that there will be no end to house rules, and then I begin to feel controlled. Sometimes I feel tempted to just live out of my car, so at least I wouldn’t feel poked and prodded at every turn. I feel scared saying that that I will be invited to leave. I really don’t want to, but nor do I want to feel so ill-at-ease and not-at-home. So, up til now, I have said little.

    I feel totally challenged to have proper meals. I have been going to the soup kitchen in West Chester when I have time, along with getting food from their foodbank. It feels bad when I get a comment that macaroni isn’t good for weight loss when I am also at the mercy of the food bank, and when I feel uninvited to use your refrigerator at every turn. It’s hard to eat healthy when eating mostly non-refrigerated foods. It’s hard to budget out my money when I feel I must buy food every two or three days, so as not to use too much of the refrigerator. Sometimes I feel like yelling and swearing.

    Again, that is not a lack of appreciation for having a place to stay. But it feels bad, and I feel unwelcome a lot. I was in no position to bargain when I came here: “Desperation never made a good bargain.” So I agreed to $300/month and 2 hours a day work. I feel bad I haven’t been able to pay you that yet, but it is forthcoming, again. I figure if you calculate in my work at $10/hr, which for me is low, that adds up to an additional $400/month. So, in effect, I will have paid $700/month, and that is $50 more than I paid at my last apartment. At my last apartment, I was free to come and go, had my own belongings filling my room, a refrigerator, a bathroom, my dog fence, all utilities, and all the freedom that comes with having your own home and running things the way you like to.

    I feel overwhelmed with the emergency that is my life. Right now I have multiple boxes of jumbled papers I need to sort, and creditors to respond to. I have a bunch of stuff unlocked in an unused storage next to mine, because I need to reorganize mine after the cardboard boxes collapsed and I can’t fit everything back in. I need to organize my computer files, and I have the ever-present need to jobhunt. Depression and excessive sleepiness/sleep apnea is all part of what led up to that. And, I am not magically cured and able to operate at battle speed now that I am here. I simply am unable to operate at the same level as you at this time in my life.

    I have felt a need to neglect a lot of that in order to satisfy my obligations here. I feel conflicted and confused – I like to work with you all in all, and I want to help you, to show my appreciation for all your help. Yet my own life has already exploded, and I need to pick out the shrapnel from my wounds, as it were. I have felt overwhelmed with life for a long time now.

    Which all brings me to the curtain job. I pulled out my rusty sewing skills and got up to speed on the first set of curtains. I feel confident that I am up to speed now, and I spent 2-3 hours cutting the expensive set of curtains, not because I am slow, but because it took time to locate and clean the proper equipment for cutting: the board and the yard stick. Then yesterday, I spent about 3-4 hours running to 4 stores for the fringe for the curtains, etc, even tho I had errands and tasks of my own I needed to be doing.

    After I already spent 5-7 hours on them, and have barely begun to sew them, it felt bad to be offered only $45 for the job. I felt unappreciated, and suddenly I began to wonder if I was going to be required to pay back ten times the favor given me in having a place to stay while I am down and out. I am beginning to feel taken advantage of.

    I am being deeply honest, as you requested, and I welcome your feedback. I really do love you a lot – I have ever since I saw “Clean Sheets” – I guess those we love the most are capable of hurting us the most.

    I like being here, and I like both you and Dave. And I don’t like to feel nit-picked or taken advantage of. What do you think/feel?

    Love, Brenda



  27.  #27Brenda on July 14, 2011 at 11:26 am

    BTW, I guess I better explain about the curtain job…Miho runs an interior decorating business, and she said she will pay me for tasks related to her contracts with clients. So she offered to pay me for the curtains.



  28.  #28Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 11:31 am

    @16: Jules says:
    “…he has admitted that he is but not to look for someone for dates!..”

    Increasing your dating circle to include more men might be a good idea and Rori usually encourages this.

    I’m curious, since he’s said what he is NOT there for, did he tell you why he is there? I’d expect people to be registered at dating sites for dates until they take down their profiles. If you aren’t dating exclusively, did you expect him to remove his profile? Perhaps you thought you were dating each other exclusively but you hadn’t discussed it?

    This reminds me of first season “Sex And The City” episode where Carrie, out with the girls, runs into Mr. Big on a dinner date. She was unaware that he was dating other women.

    😀



  29.  #29Brenda on July 14, 2011 at 11:44 am

    Ella,

    RE: #13 – I love it! Good job! It felt cool to see you in action!!



  30.  #30Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 11:50 am

    @27: Brenda

    Hang in there. 😀

    xoxo



  31.  #31tinque on July 14, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Hello All. Another busy day. Will check back in much later.

    By the way, it looks as though I may not have the luxury to be playing on this island as much from now on, and I want you all to know that if you ever need me or want to talk to me, please do not hesitate to e-mail me. You will likely get a much quicker response.

    tinque@sexandheart.com

    xxoo



  32.  #32Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    24: Lilybelle

    Sounds great. Good call with the on again off again. But what if you met a great guy that didn’t take 5 years to convince you that he wasn’t the right one. What if in a year, a great guy proposed to you and you wanted to accept. How do you think your son would handle that? Is he pretty cool about the idea of you eventually finding a lasting love with somebody else?

    Will he be able to accept the fact and be happy that a man makes you happy? Or do you think he will feel a need to compare him to dad, and rightly find him lacking on some part, out of loyalty if nothing else?



  33.  #33marina on July 14, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Hmmm…how do I turn this page to the cell phone version.. ?

    Oh well…

    Randy thank you so much for your reply. I just typed a long version of what happened between S and me on that exact same topic… Well the short version is that his family contacted me twice on his moneyproblems and what they think are also gambling problems. The first time I immediately talked about it with him. The 2nd time I told him they had contacted him again, but didn’t tell him I tild them he was currently staying at my place and that they would come to talk to him to see if they could hekp him. I thought I was doing it for his own good. But I knew there was a risk of him feeling betrayed in his trust of me. We talked about it later and he did tell me he wanted me to be on his team and next time I should talk to him first. I feel afraid I might have lost all of his trust and him alltogether, bc I discussed his situation and my opinions with his brothers + after I talked about it with him many many times). I wanted to help him. And I also wanted his family to see me as a good girl who was cooperative and willing to help them help him. I feel so stupid right now.

    Can’t change what happened. Don’t know if he will give me a chance to have his trust again. Which feels like a cold hand on my heart and throat.



  34.  #34Lilybelle on July 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    32:

    Oh no…..RMan.. He absolutely wants me to have a relationship; we have talked about it alot and if I felt that was the way a relationship was moving, I would most defintely include my son. But not until I was as sure as I could be in that situation.

    My reasons for not introducing him to men I have had relationships with is that I don’t want him looking back on his childhood and teenage years and remember “different” men in and out of his life. It’s a matter of respect for him and his heart. Thankfully, he won’t because I have had the utmost respect for him.



  35.  #35marina on July 14, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    Dear SLV,

    I like Barbara Sher very much. I think I recognize some of you in her (or some of her in you?).

    I think I would like to learn a little more on Resistance and Isolation, to make I understand what she means. Also I like some of the things she said to clients. It feels good to know not everybody loves to work with gorillas (for example). Many times when I like something I think I am like everybody else and there are already too many gorilladoctors (for example) for me to become one and earn a living with it. I also like how she wants to know exactly why someone likes gorillas (for example) because people like gorillas for so many reasons and my reasons might be completely different than somebody elses. Also this helps me with questioning more what exactly it is that I love about the things that interest me and that I like to do. Instead of hadtingly jumping to conclusing that if I like gorillas that means I should start a gorillazoo. While perhaps I just like gorillas bc of the sound they make. This helps me to investigate more instead of hurrying myself and telling myself if I like that, it definetely means I should become A and should start a weblog on it and should find an education and shoulda shoulda shoulda and I would already get terribly overwhelmed…

    Watching her soothes me and gives me peace of mind.

    Thank you so much SLV!

    XXX marina



  36.  #36Starla on July 14, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Oooooh sweet jeebus, i just got off the phone with the man i am having ice cream with tomorrow night. it felt so nerve wracking to hang up. we liked each other in high school and are getting together tomorrow to catch up. i feel a huge compulsion to impress him and win him over.

    wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    i feel dumb as hell now for how i felt and acted.

    Oh well, tomorrow is always a new day to be more authentic.



  37.  #37Starla on July 14, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    “My guy” has not contacted me. He took me off his facebook on Monday and hasn’t contacted me since.

    None of his friends have taken me off, though…so i’m not sure what is going on.

    i figure he knows what he is doing (for himself) and will contact me when he is ready.

    and i feel very glad and relieved that he isn’t contacting me with drama, like “just so you know, Starla, I took you off my facebook, cuz I want space!”

    lolololol.

    he was prone to that sort of drama before (me too!) but i like to think he and i are evolving past this level of interactions, even if it is separate and we will never get together again.

    it’s better for both of us. better for the world and the universe. and better for us together if it ever does reignite.

    i am very surprised at how well i am handling this! i am so glad i have chosen not to engage in drama and just accept things for how they are.

    though i have thoughts that say “he is thinking you don’t care about him because you havent contacted him about taking you off his fb”

    but he said he wanted space, so here i am giving it to him. and enjoying my own space.

    being far happier than i have been in months

    noticing that i must be something like at least 95% true to myself and my feelings or else i have nervous breakdowns.

    learning how to not have nervous breakdowns when i end up being not true to myself, and how to more powerfully be true to myself, without fear.

    whew.



  38.  #38marina on July 14, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Oops Randy should be Rusty of course…my apoligies…

    Don’t know where that came from.

    I will call it a day.

    Goodnight dear Sirens.

    PS my Mum called me to ask how my job hunt is going and if I have any support of my friends. I do actually. But when I got in this situation I thought about forming a support group with my other unemployed friends and excolleagues. Never really happened apart from the occasional ‘how are you doing’ ‘ i found this job does it interest you’ or ‘hey do you wanna join me while I meet this recruiter’.

    So I made an appointment with my Mum to see eachother next Wednesday to be jobhunting together. Its going to be interesting to do it with my Mum. Wonder if any triggers will come up. Any way it is a bit a kick in the butt to get up and get going…



  39.  #39Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    @35: marina

    Enjoy. I think one of her books has a title like…
    “I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was”

    And another is:
    “It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now: How to Create Your Second Life at Any Age”

    See you can be over 30 and do what you want, or over 40 or 50 or 90 for that matter… 😆

    Yeah, she’s fun!

    And of course “Wishcraft – How to Get What You Really Want.”

    And this one.
    “Refuse to Choose: A Revolutionary Program for Doing Everything You Love”

    I think there are more.

    xoxo



  40.  #40Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    @38: marina says:
    “…Oops Randy should be Rusty of course…my apoligies…”

    Maybe you were right the first time.
    (only kidding, Rusty and with love… :wink:)

    xoxo



  41.  #41Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    34: Lilybelle says:

    32:

    Oh no…..RMan.. He absolutely wants me to have a relationship; we have talked about it alot and if I felt that was the way a relationship was moving, I would most defintely include my son. But not until I was as sure as I could be in that situation.

    My reasons for not introducing him to men I have had relationships with is that I don’t want him looking back on his childhood and teenage years and remember “different” men in and out of his life. It’s a matter of respect for him and his heart. Thankfully, he won’t because I have had the utmost respect for him.

    __________________________________________________________

    Sounds like a great, and very mature young man. Also, I totally respect what you are doing. Really, until a man has made a commitment to you, for life, he doesn’t need to be involved with your son anyway.



  42.  #42Ella on July 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    I need to ask this question…

    Because J hasn’t called does it simply mean he is not into me?

    So what is the deal with the full on IM convo right before he disappeared telling me how into me he is?

    I just don’t get it.



  43.  #43Starla on July 14, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Ella, do you mean a new conversation after the one you posted for us in three parts?



  44.  #44Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    33: marina

    Maybe have a talk with him to assure him that you are on his side. Ask him if he saw you doing something destructive to yourself, would he just allow you to do it, or would his love for you spark him into action to try to help you? What if your family came to him and asked him for his help? What if he felt like he was between a rock and a hard place. He loves you and wants to help you and wants your family to know that he loves you and is trying to help you.

    Let him know that you realize that you made a mistake but that it was a mistake made for pure intentions. Your intentions were only to try to help him because you love him. Let him know that the one thing he can take to the bank is that you have his best interests in mind in everything you do. Tell him that you may not be perfect, but you do love him and you ARE 100% on his side.

    Let him know that, while it may appear that it was him against you and everybody else, that no in fact, you were 100% on his side.

    I think many women totally do not understand how important that is to a man. One thing I totally need and make no apologies for is knowing that my woman has my back. Without that, I feel totally unsafe, as if I am sleeping on the ground with nothing bu the clothes on my back, in the middle of bear, wolf and cougar country.

    So assure him that you are 100% on his side, even if you went about it in the wrong way.

    Where his family is concerned, maybe have a talk with them. Make them aware that you share their concerns but also make them aware of what happened and let them know that you have to assure him that it is him and you against the world. Make them aware that this does not mean you don’t care or don’t share their concern. Make them aware that if he shuts you out, you can’t do anything to be a positive influence in his life. So for that reason, you can’t allow it to ever again appear to him that you are taking sides against him, in any way shape or form.



  45.  #45Ella on July 14, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Starla,

    No, I mean that same one…

    I don’t want to be (in fact I REALLY don’t want to be) but I am still totally suck on this.

    I just don’t get it… why was he so full on telling me how much he liked me only to disappear?

    If he hadn’t been so into me I would not feel so confused.



  46.  #46Ella on July 14, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    I mean ‘stuck’ not suck!



  47.  #47Starla on July 14, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Ella,
    I bet he is thinkin the same thing. Why isn’t she calling me? lol. But I am just guessing.

    that or he has a girl on the regular who takes up his time and energy.



  48.  #48Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    42: Ella says:

    I need to ask this question…

    Because J hasn’t called does it simply mean he is not into me?

    So what is the deal with the full on IM convo right before he disappeared telling me how into me he is?

    I just don’t get it.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    No, it means nothing right now. Just like you are here for advice, men also get advice, and sometimes it’s not great advice.

    Like men being told not to call too quickly…don’t act too eager in the beginning, etc…

    Best thing you can do is have lot’s of fun. CD! Do things you enjoy. The best thing any man who is interested in you can see is you with a smile on your face when you don’t even know he is there.

    Like if you have a dog and take it for a walk in the park. If this guy happens to be in the park also, and you do see him, act like you don’t, or didn’t. But make sure he sees you having a great time. Smiling and talking to your dog, or smiling as you talk to somebody else in the park, etc…

    There really is a lot to the saying that a man is going to be attracted to you if he sees you are happy.

    It would say so many things to him that are positive. You are mentally healthy, you don’t NEED a man to make you happy and thus not susceptible to games, etc…and most of all, he gets an image in his mind that you are just plain fun to be around.



  49.  #49Ella on July 14, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Thanks Rusty,

    I know you think I may have put him off a bit by not being warm enough when he was asking to come over etc…

    But would that put a guy off completely for ever?



  50.  #50Ella on July 14, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    I mean how can a person go from ‘I’m really digging you right now’ and ‘I’D LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN’ to disappeared?

    ARGHHHH!



  51.  #51Ella on July 14, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    And if he decided, after that conversation for some bizarre and unexplained reason that he isn’t feeling it can that change too?



  52.  #52Starla on July 14, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    no, ella, he just might be the kind of guy that takes not inviting him over to get in bed (for any reason) as a sign you don’t like him. he could be more used to the easier ones. or not up to the challenge of, you know, being normal about things lol.

    is he younger than you by a lot? he sounds young.



  53.  #53Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Elle, again, I think he might just be playing the game. Trying to make you think he’s not too interested.

    What you might want to do is go out to a nice dinner with him, and then actually talk about what you want. Just act calm and confident. Tell him that you don’t play games and don’t like guys playing games. If he asks if you think he is playing games, say that you weren’t talking about anything specific, you are just making sure you are both on the same page. No finger pointing going on.

    Be honest about what you do and don’t like in relationships. Want to be very affectionate, say so. Let him know you want a relationship that has a lot of heat and passion and affection in it, without having to lead to sex right away.

    Tell him that you like to hear from your guy every day. Let him know it’s not about checking in, or keeping tabs, it’s about feeling connected. That it’s hard for you to feel connected to somebody who is absent.

    You can tell him that you are attracted to him, and say a few things that you like about him…but keep it casual and let him know that there is no pressure right now.

    Maybe ask him what he is looking for first. Like is he looking for one person to settle down with, ir is he just “kicking it” while he figures out what he wants in life?

    Maybe find a way to bring up that there is no ONE right person for people…there are lot’s of people that are right for you, and hopefully everyone finds one of those people that are right for them, and they recognize at some point.

    If he asks if you think he is right for, keep it light and fun and say, “I don’t know for sure yet, but it’s looking good so far.” Lets him see interest without thinking he has got you for sure.



  54.  #54Rori Raye on July 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Thank you Rusty – and yet – please – NO pretending, Ella! You can’t pretend to be happy, you have to BE happy. And…I don’t think you did anything that affected him one way or the other. He just did what he does. Love, Rori



  55.  #55kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    My friend just alerted me that on both Adam and this chick’s fb they’e set their status to ‘In a Relationship.’

    What happened to ‘I can’t be anyone’s boyfriend right now.’

    HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  56.  #56Brenda on July 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    (((Kaitlyn)))

    RE: #55



  57.  #57kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    thanx, brenda



  58.  #58Starla on July 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    oh kaitlyn!! hugs!!
    we’re here for you as you process your feelings.

    rusty, i like the paradigm you created in terms of how to talk to a man about who he is romantically while showing interest in him and taking care of yourself.



  59.  #59kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    Do I ask him ‘Why when we were talking again, didn’t you at least tell me you were seeing someone else?”



  60.  #60Ella on July 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Rori – don’t worry. I will not pretend.

    And luckily I am happy in general.

    Just can’t get my head around this… and so feel stuck.

    So let me see… he just does what he does…

    Hmm, he gets in contact, is really full on and then disappears?

    Yeah could be.

    I just feel confused.

    And frustrated.

    And annoyed. Want to let it go… and can’t seem to.



  61.  #61Starla on July 14, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    kaitlyn, 59.

    no.



  62.  #62Ella on July 14, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    Kaitlyn,

    know how you feel honni.

    Hugs. xxx



  63.  #63kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Starla,

    Why the hell not? Why? I get it, I’m supposed to look like I’m so cool, I’m too busy to notice, but what about boundaries and such?



  64.  #64Starla on July 14, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Kaitlyn,

    what boundary is that?
    ———————–
    and more hugs to you! or some fresh guacamole i just made. whichever you prefer!



  65.  #65Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    49: Ella says:

    Thanks Rusty,

    I know you think I may have put him off a bit by not being warm enough when he was asking to come over etc…

    But would that put a guy off completely for ever?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Maybe if he thinks you are psycho. LOL

    Like I said before though, he may have seen something similar before and interpreted it as you giving him the heave ho.

    But at the same time, he might be in it just for some sex, and your walls were too much effort for him. In this case, you did nothing but protect yourself. It would be a good thing that he isn’t coming around.

    I myself, if I were you, just call him. Make contact somehow. yeah yeah, I know, leaning forward and all that. thing here is that you said something you didn’t mean last time. Me and somebody else here saw that in a different way than you meant it ans so did he in all likelihood.

    So if I were you, I would try to make contact, and calmly sit down with him, and let him know that you reread what you typed and realized that you did not express yourself very well.

    Then tell him the truth. Tell him what you want. You want somebody to be there for you every day, or almost every day. And you want a lot of affection and intimacy with ZERO pressure to go full on sex.

    Explain to him that you aren’t a prude but ask him, does he really want to eventually marry a woman that has been with hundreds of guys? Explain to him that you simply don’t want to have relationships built on meaningless sex time after time, and so you have decided to not go that route. You just aren’t into recreational sex because there is nothing better to do. And tell him that friends…me :-P, tell you that everything is better in a relationship if you wait and develop a great friendship and intimate connection first.

    I see no reason not to lean forward right now and make contact. Then once you have laid everything on the line, lean back and see if he is interested.

    I am simply of the impression that he feels you either have issues, or that you didn’t want him around. While you said you did, you were also saying that you weren’t comfortable with it. I know that isn’t what you meant to say, so make it clear to him what you were trying to say. If he still doesn’t come around, then move on.

    I’m starting to wonder about those fellas over there. You seem to be pretty, and loving…but maybe the problem is that you are going after very young guys…guys who haven’t even figured out who they are, let alone what they want out of life. You want a a committed relationship from guys that only know how to live in the moment at this point.

    I believe you said you are 31. OK, what about guys who are your age and maybe up to early mid 40s? Find a way to get involved in things that guys of that age…active and fit guys of that age are doing. So I’m thinking scuba diving, golf, tennis, bike riding (racing bikes) I saw a lot of that in Italy. Big groups of guys riding with all of the gear on. See it over here also.

    Side benefit is that you will be in great shape after awhile.

    It just seems to me that you need to find more guys to meet besides guys at your local pub.

    Do you have what we call a community college? If you take a class in the evening, you are likely to meet guys more your age. And while not in class, hang out in areas where you run into a lot of guys also not in class, like the food court, and school library. See a guy around a few times and he looks at you, just smile, and say “hello” if possible. Some of them are bound to nibble on your bait.

    I met a woman I considered to be very attractive a few weeks ago in just this manner. She was also 31 and I found out that she had a couple of kids and an Ex who was a musician. She said that explains why she is divorced now. I got the impression that she was flirting…in fact, I am certain she was. I know flirting when I see it. And truth is, I would have nibbled hard on that bait if I were single. So IMHO she is doing the right thing. Just putting her hook in the water and seeing what comes of it. BTW, she was also 31. I got a small sense that she feels just a bit afraid of trying to get back into the dating scene, but if she keeps that up, she will meet the right guy who will take her bait and start a great relationship with her.

    I can’t see that not happening for you also, if you do this. But then, you have to be open to older guys to, as it seems she was. I am not in the age range that she would have likely pursued at 18. Just a bit outside of it. LOL 😉



  66.  #66kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    The boundary that I have feelings and um, dude, why didn’t you tell me you were talking to another woman. Judging by the timeline, you mustve had deep feelings for her the whole time you were signing emails xoxo to me and bemoaning about your ex as you cried on the phone and said you feel so close to me but can’t be anyone’s bf right now.



  67.  #67Starla on July 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    ok, i see what you’re saying! Yeah he sounds flaky wtf

    so telling him that was your boundary, and he violated it…what is the purpose of that?



  68.  #68kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    So, I should just pretend this doesn’t bother me, and say nothing?



  69.  #69Ella on July 14, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    Kaitlyn,

    For me, boundaries are not about approaching him to tell him off, just about not letting someone repeatedly do something that hurts me.

    If you really feel you must you could EXPRESS yourself to him ie: I feel …. because I heard you do not want to be in a relationship and now I see you are.

    BUT please do this one thing… WAIT… Until you are not feeling so riled up.

    Until the urgency has gone.

    And then wait some more… and then IF you still want to say something do it.

    The amount of times I wish I had waited… until the urgency wore off. More than I can count.



  70.  #70Starla on July 14, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    68 kaitlyn

    usually yeah pretty much. but it depends. what purpose is it serving if you do contact him for this purpose?



  71.  #71Starla on July 14, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    purpose purpose purpose

    feeling embarassed for how redundant i just was



  72.  #72kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    Because guys need to know they’re being mean, right? It was mean that he was obvs having some sort of thing with her the entire time we were talking again?



  73.  #73Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    54: Rori Raye says:

    Thank you Rusty – and yet – please – NO pretending, Ella! You can’t pretend to be happy, you have to BE happy. And…I don’t think you did anything that affected him one way or the other. He just did what he does. Love, Rori

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    OH, I agree, no pretending. However, I have heard a saying called “Fake it till you make it.”

    Which in this instance would mean that she gets out there and does fun things. Smiles a lot. Even if inside she feels “blah,” she gets out there and smiles.

    In the beginning she may feel it is an act. But what is actually happening is she is turning over a new leaf. Breaking the cycle that is causing her to feel “blah.” One day, she realizes that just going to the park does make her happy. In short, she trained her self to be different than she was.

    In a way, this is no different than if you are the type that hates getting up early in the morning. But you make an effort to do so. You set the alarm, get up, brush the teeth, take a shower, etc… In the beginning it feels like a chore, but over time it becomes natural to you. In fact, it will fell unnatural to not get up early and get your self together.

    Same in this instance. In the beginning, she may be feeling sorry for herself, and that energy is visible to others. But by getting out and doing fun things…forcing her mind to go that direction, she changes her energy. Eventually this man, or another man that is suited to her, sees that positive energy that she created in herself, and he wants it for himself.



  74.  #74Ella on July 14, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Rusty re 65,

    Thanks for your input.

    The psycho comment feels bad 🙁

    I know what you mean about the IM convo and yet I don’t think it was that bad…

    In a way I am hoping it is that which put him off cus that is easily mendable when we see each other.

    I prob don’t need to contact him as will see him next Sat when we go clubbing in a group of friends.

    But if we weren’t I might consider contacting him.

    I don’t know though… is still leaning forward, and that just flies in the face of EVERYTHING I am learning here.

    Btw – I do not think it is just for sex at all.

    What does my head in more than anything is how we can have such an amazing time… and be feeling it (both if us) and then he could just drop it so that as far as he knows we could never see each other again.

    I wouldn’t do that… if I were the man and therefore responsible for pursuing.

    But I am not, and somehow these day leaning back is taking precedence over a connection with a guy…

    Although it sucks when the connection felt so good!



  75.  #75Starla on July 14, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    I dunno…DO guys always need to know they’re being mean?

    How does that help YOU if he knows?



  76.  #76Shar lean way back on July 14, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Kaitlyn, The point I was trying to make yesterday is if you dont know what he is doing it’s not going to bother you as much and you will feel more powerful. i.e. if you hide him in FB then yo dont know if he “likes” something or not. You dont know if is in a relationship etc. and tell your friends not to tell you about him. I think you are repeatedly punishing yourself with this information.



  77.  #77snowqueen on July 14, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Dear Brenda,

    I am so impressed with your letter – I hope your landlady was as well. It has such a lot of dignity in it considering how incredibly difficult your current situation sounds.

    At the moment my work is very very stressful and I am complaining a lot. Reading your letter made me remember that I need to be grateful that I have a good job and that it pays me enough to maintain my house, my two teenage daughters and my elderly mother who lived with me.

    I hope your letter makes your landlady think about what helping others is about – I took in an unemployed homeless person a few years ago and instead of rent he did building work for me. Sometimes he didn’t do it so quickly or so neatly but I didn’t get at him too much because I knew it was because he was so tired and depressed at times with his situation. He went back to college and eventually got on to a really good course and managed to get a job and move out and on. He is part of our family now. I got a lot out of helping him – a lot of feelgood feelings at the expense of his difficulties. That made me feel quite humble and so I didn’t want to take advantage of him any more than that. But maybe your landlady thinks you should be beholden to her – I hope not, and I hope your very brave letter allows you to regain some respect.

    I wish I could help you more but I am in the UK and truly have a lot of challenges of my own at present. But I wish you all the courage and dignity to continue to improve your life. Keep visualising a better future and take a little step towards it every day. I’m sure I’m not the only one on here willing you forward.

    Hugs
    snowqueen



  78.  #78kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Shar, I DID discontinue him from my news feed. It was my friend who alerted me of this.



  79.  #79snowqueen on July 14, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Hi Kaitlyn, You know something that has really become real for me lately is realising that if I show up as myself, men who aren’t right for me de-select themselves and save me the trouble of having to dump them or waste any time trying to figure them out. It’s so much more relaxing and gives me space to get on with doing things that makes me properly happy. And of course it makes space for better men to show up – and they are!



  80.  #80kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    I let him USE me. He USED me to get over his ex. He used me as free therapy.

    Well, it’s pretty f’n funny he’s such a b1tch about how women have hurt him and fooled him and he can’t even be direct and say, “look, i want to be with some chick in bulgaria. Sorry.” during the time we were talking again and i had made it pretty damn clear i wanted to be with him.



  81.  #81Starla on July 14, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    kaitlyn i was just thinkin about your situation while i was making a salad and this is what occurred to me —

    it’s up to you to protect your own boundaries, not him. he had already told you that he was just gonna be friends with you and wouldn’t do relationship. but you went on being friends with him anyway…maybe because you were truly okay with it at the time, or maybe because you wanted him to change his mind. either way, that doesn’t matter.

    but NOW that he has a girlfriend, you are feeling slighted and upset. betrayed. lied to. so i think it is obvious from where i’m sitting that there is a boundary at play here NOW: “i don’t want to be just friends with someone i have feelings for when they are involved with someone else. it feels bad.”

    and you don’t “dump” him as a friend with some speech. you just let him know this the next time he contacts you.

    which will probably be as soon as they have a big fight or something:P lol.

    what do u think kaitlyn?



  82.  #82kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    I hope he knocks her up when she visits and she keeps it.



  83.  #83Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    @marina
    7: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    @3: marina says:
    “…Do you know the french painter Raymond Peynet?..”
    No, I didn’t but now I’m going to research him…

    I checked him out. Very interesting, marina. I found that I’d seen his drawings before, during the years, here and there and…shocking… I’d always thought it was the work of another artist! Ludwig Bemelmans!

    Bemelmans is the writer and illustrator of the “Madeline” books. Take a look at Bemelmans work… this is so amazing… there is a vibe very like the Peynet work.

    http://www.askart.com/askart/b/ludwig_bemelmans/ludwig_bemelmans.aspx

    xoxo



  84.  #84Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    74: Ella says:

    Rusty re 65,

    Thanks for your input.

    The psycho comment feels bad 🙁

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++==

    Let me be clear. I am not saying you are, or that he even thinks you are…but that based on the IM convo, he may have the impression that you are since it did send conflicting messages. You want him to come over but are scared of him coming over. But if that’s the case, it is easily mended by letting him know that you realize that you misspoke and left him feeling confused. I wouldn’t even be afraid to say that a friend read it and then asked what you meant, so you reread it and realized that it didn’t say what you meant to say.

    But keep in mid that this will open up an avenue where you will pretty much have to say what you meant to say. I know I would want to know if I were him.



  85.  #85kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    I grew up on the Madeline books. Eloise at the Plaza also.



  86.  #86kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    Rusty, what’s your take on all this and what should i do?



  87.  #87kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    let me guess…she has way more in common with him musically. she was never a whor3. she doesnt have an eating disorder. she doesnt get depressed. she doesn’t get emotionally needy.



  88.  #88Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    @85: kaitlyn says:
    “…I grew up on the Madeline books. Eloise at the Plaza also…”

    You might like to see these also, drawings of raymond peynet. Marina mentioned him earlier today. I see a resemblance in their work.

    http://www.google.com/search?q=raymond+peynet&hl=en&rlz=1T4ADFA_enUS395US396&prmd=ivnso&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=hG8fTtz6JoTk0QHn8YicAw&ved=0CDgQsAQ&biw=1366&bih=578

    Hugs, my sweet.

    xoxo



  89.  #89Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    oh, yucky. that didn’t work out too well.. 😆



  90.  #90Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    oops. I’m sorry.. maybe link still is OK. 😳



  91.  #91Starla on July 14, 2011 at 3:47 pm


  92.  #92Starla on July 14, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    that zen habits site looks amazing. but i have been sitting on my butt for too long with too much to do, so i’m not sure reading about being more motivated is going to help me with much haha. SO i am going to reward myself with browsing that site once i have worked out and loaded the laundry into the washing machine.



  93.  #93Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    86: kaitlyn says:

    Rusty, what’s your take on all this and what should i do?

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I think you are an ENTJ. I mean you did tell me after all. 😛

    Anyway, you do have feelings though. That’s the misconception that we Thinkers don’t feel. We feel very strongly. In fact I see it like the Introverts. While they may not be quick to make friends, the friends they make are very deep friendships. Well, we thinkers may not run around exploring our feelings at every turn, but when we give our heart to somebody, when we invest emotionally in somebody, it is very strongly.

    I’ve experienced feelings so strongly with a few women that it feels like a drug. Very powerful.

    Thus it hurts like nobody’s business when we get hurt by them.

    What I think though, is that you invested emotionally in a man not available to you. A man just using you to recharge his batteries.

    I’ve always liked you on these boards and felt a camaraderie with you that I now understand with us both being ENTJ’s. I think you have a lot to offer the right guy. Obviously he will have to be pretty liberal minded to not be bothered by your past profession, but there are a lot of guys out there that won’t be.

    It just seems to me that you are doing what I was once accused of when I got divorced the first time. The counselor said that I was pouring all of my energy into a black hole. No matter how much energy I put into it, it was never going to give anything back.

    The only thing I can advise is to simply get out there and find things that make you happy without involving a guy. And at the same time, be very open to finding new guys. Guys who are thinkers. Remember, as an ENTJ, you need and expect someone to stand up to you. Not be a ball of emotional mess every time you express that thinker side.

    ENTJs have a strong need to be intellectually challenged, debated, etc… This is the energy that I think you are craving and I don’t think you are ever going to get that from him. I mean, I do think you could get that from a feeler, but it has to be the right feeler. One that doesn’t take your need for intellectual challenge personally because as you know, we never mean it to be personal. Intellectually, we are the Everest climbers who say, “We climb it because it is there.” We don’t need a reason other than that. We thirst for knowledge and debate. To some, that feels like us being a vampire sucking their blood. To the right person, it energizes them. You have to find one of those men.

    Again, this CAN be a man who is a feeler, but he has to have a thicker skin. A good case in point is that I really enjoy my interactions with Lilybelle. I believe she is a feeler, and occasionally she takes thing personal that I don’t men to be personal, but she strikes me as someone that can stand up to me and challenge me…and enjoy doing so, without making it personal.

    That’s what you need from a feeler and I don’t think he is up to the challenge of dealing with an ENTJ. And just to let you know, as far as I have been able to learn, ENTJ women are rare. IMHO they are a rare jewel. Like finding Excalibur among a bunch of ordinary swords. I see it as a rare gift for a woman to be such. So revel in that, embrace that, and find a strong man who is able to challenge you mentally, spiritually and physically and one day you will think back and wonder, “What was his name? Wonder what he is up to these days?” And, not even really care what the answer to that question is.

    You are a leader. ENTJ’s are the Field Marshalls. Embrace that. Doesn’t mean you can’t follow a good man at times. It just means that you were born to be at the front of the pack. Scouting out the way, etc…

    Find a man that can handle all of that power and energy. It’s a rare man that can, but when you find one, you’ll be glad you did.

    Remember the Conan movie and how he was in love with that powerful warrior princess? That’s you. You need a powerful man like that. A strong man like that.

    Well, you asked! 😉



  94.  #94Ice Princess on July 14, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    I feel so awful right now. I haven’t really eaten much in the past two weeks and am losing weight like crazy and when I do try to eat I feel so sick. I’m afraid I have developed some sort of eating disorder as a defense mechanism to all of my relationship problems. As the weekend gets closer and closer, I get more and more afraid of how alone I will be when my kids go to their dad’s. 🙁



  95.  #95Ella on July 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Rusty re 84,

    Ok eeling totally freaked out now… like dang men can really take away from what I said that I am a psycho!!!!

    WTF.

    I feel unsafe.

    And cross. and bleugh.

    Yes I said that I felt scared of the situation… and yes I also said I would like to see him.

    Still don’t get how that is psycho… it was all true.

    I have no problem telling him how I really feel.

    How I really feel is I like him, I want to see him, I felt disappointed when he did not call and it felt fun hanging out with him.

    I’m just really not sure that contacting him to give some heavy explanation about how I did not mean whatever he thought I meant would be the ticket right now.

    I said what I meant… just wish I had left out that I felt scared.

    But honestly psycho??!!



  96.  #96Ella on July 14, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    I think I get why I want the boundary about not much time on IM & text…

    People can’t hear your tone or feel your vibe as much…

    And FMs can seem out of context and weird…

    Eg: ‘I feel scared’ could be percieved as really dramatic and OTT but if on the phone tone of voice and vibe put across that you mean you can feel some fear and you can deal with it.

    You are being real and it is just a feeling in the moment… not a ‘it is gonna destroy me’ kinda scared…

    Ok I am getting that.

    Not too much IM or text.

    And also maybe not too much anything other than organising a date.

    Get into their presence. Then FMs are ok.



  97.  #97kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Rusty, he DID like me because I’m a strong woman. Then he saw who I really was- a girl who pined for him for 6 months even though she changed her life career-wise. A girl who believed in some of the bs here and continued being his friend. A girl who posted an angry metal song on her fb called ‘Treat Her Right’ and when he called frantically asking if I was angry at him, I couldn’t even tell him ‘yeah, I’m angry I feel so close to you helping you with this ex-gf drama and you go 4 days without talking to me.’ Instead, I cowarded-out and just said I needed time to process all this and may I please have a ‘great things about you email’ from him (it’s a silly thing we do), “I’m angry at myself for treating you like a bf when you said you didn’t want to be anyone’s bf right now.”

    I bet the Bulgarian didn’t get fwd’d the letter to his ex. Nope. She’s too good for that. Why would he do that; it’d ruin his chances with her. Just me, the piece of sh1t, gets that letter, gets to hear his crying, gets to hear his suicidal thoughts.



  98.  #98Ella on July 14, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Have been thinking a lot about raising my degree of difficulty and wondering practically how this might look and feel to me…

    Sitting with it.



  99.  #99kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Rusty, and I feel it’s pretty insensitive to act as the myers-briggs spokesperson when I’m feeling extremely upset and hurt.



  100.  #100kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    And Bulgaria???? Really, dude? Other than her visiting the East Coast, how are you going to maintain a relationship?

    Ugh. And he just put ‘like’ on another one of my pics.



  101.  #101kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Yes, I am hogging up the entire RR site for my fscking epic meltdown here.



  102.  #102Ella on July 14, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Kaitlyn re 100

    Maybe that is the point?

    xoxox



  103.  #103kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    102 Ella,

    Really? Distance was also one of the excuses he used a few weeks back to not be my bf.



  104.  #104kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    I’ve no idea how I’m going to hold myself together at this art opening I’m attending tonight with friends.

    Does he even understand or care what he’s doing to me?



  105.  #105Ella on July 14, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    I can see how saying I felt scared was probably a bit heavy… when we were just planning a date…

    And yet it is real.

    I did feel that way.

    Prob came across as needy and all kinds of things, and you know what… so f8cken what!!

    It wasn’t that bad.

    So I said I felt scared to meet again… in case it wasn’t how it was b4… well f8cken shoot me down for being human!

    Oh, I feel ANGRY!

    well that is interesting.

    I feel ANGRY.

    And so what if I said I felt unsure when I did.

    The only regret I have is letting my NVs get the best of me, and not realising what a total goddess I am… when positivity would have been the best call, instead of NVs.

    But you know what if he can’ handle and love a lil bit of my NVs, yes, even near the beginning, then he can’t handle and love me.

    And you know what I love my NVs!

    So there.

    I felt scared to meet again in case it wasn’t the same, so what…

    And I felt a bit uncomfortable, so what!

    Thats all fixable.

    And from the time we actually spent together I feel disappointed if he would let 1 slightly didgy IM conversation get in the way!

    And I expressed numerous times that I felt good when I was with him and that I wanted to see him.

    Know what maybe he is the one with the issues…

    Or even scrub that, maybe I just feel annoyed and frustrated that suddenly there is this distance.

    Grr feel pissed about it.

    And whatever…



  106.  #106Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Ella, I agree that you said what you felt but truthfully, some that would have been better to explore in person not on IM. And in the end, you didn’t say exactly what you meant. You stated that after it was pointed out what you said.

    All I was saying was that when what you said sends a double message because it was not what you meant to say, somebody who doesn’t realize that you didn’t mean to say that might think you have issues. Not anything to be worried about. It is fixable.

    I can say this though. As a man, it is not going to feel good to me if a woman is telling me she is feeling uncomfortable about spending time with me. And. remember, that is what you were saying. Maybe not what you meant, but it is what you said.

    I know what you were trying to say, but maybe that is better discussed once he is there so that it can more properly be talked about.



  107.  #107Ella on July 14, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Kaitlyn,

    Thats what I mean… maybe he is not ready for something real, so a LDR would suit him fine… with someone not involved in the situation… even less real…

    Escapism… imaginary reltionships.

    Just some thoughts.



  108.  #108kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Ella, I’ve perused her page and they have way more in common than him and I do.



  109.  #109Starla on July 14, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Kaitlyn, more hugs. And you can take up the whole blog if you need to right now. We all take our turns doing that.

    Be kind to yourself right now. This is when I would start riffing to actually feel what the feelings i’m having are instead of staying in my HEAD in a jail of misery. The misery is still there, but it is not a jail. Even acknowledging and caring for your feelings of being in a jail of mental misery right now, and unable to go to art thing tonight, is a first big step in the right direction

    Actually I am going to riff myself, cuz i have had a doozy of a night with men myself. My ex (from the beginning of the year) is with HIS ex now. Blech. Guess there’s no chance of that one ever being redeemed lol.



  110.  #110Rusty on July 14, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    99: kaitlyn says:

    Rusty, and I feel it’s pretty insensitive to act as the myers-briggs spokesperson when I’m feeling extremely upset and hurt.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++

    Sorry, didn’t mean to tick you off. Just meant that it seems to me that you can do better. Just because you are a thinker doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings. You obviously have very deep feelings. And it seems to me that he hasn’t been very sensitive to those feelings. So sue me if I care more about you than him and think you can do better.



  111.  #111kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    And I’m reading a lot of Arden Leigh’s blog on her meaning of Siren. Incorporating it with this place.

    http://www.ardenleigh.typepad.com/



  112.  #112Ella on July 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Rusty re 106,

    Yeah I said I felt uncomfortable and I meant about him coming round last minute late at night. (Granted he could have misunderstood that) not about spending time with him persay. Thought this was clear when I said I did want to spend time with him and make a plan… just not late at night.

    And I said NUMEROUS times that I wanted to see him and it felt good spending time with him.

    and you know what, I do have issues.

    And so what.

    Sometimes, when I meet someone, and they have issues, it is ok, as long as they are being real and not trying to pretend.

    I don’t want him or anyone to fix my issues.

    Do you mean he might just have got exhasperated with me? A bit like I do with those guys who come across to me as needy and say stuff like ‘ hope I am not a disappointment to you’ and I feel turned off.

    Yeah, ok fine I get that… but I was not putting myself down… just expressing some unsureness I felt.

    Dunno… just seems a bit extreme reaction for him to poof after one slightly off IM conversation.

    Bearing in mind before that was pretty darned cool.

    Actually for me if a guy expresses doubts sometimes it even makes me want him more… like to fall into ‘convincing’ which I don’t.

    He might have got hot and cold off me but really so what.



  113.  #113Starla on July 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    I feel alone
    and that feels like blurriness around the edges of my vision
    and that feels pretty woozy
    like i need to vomit or scream bloody murder

    maybe the vampire scream would be a great tool for me to do right now.

    I am dropping my thoughts and ruminations and fears from the dense mass occupying the entire space behind my ribs into my gut. and i am going to vampire scream them out.

    i don’t know if this is exactly how the tool works but it feels like the right thing for me to do right now so don’t laugh at me.

    i am always gonna be alone
    and i’m never going to find the right guy
    and i will have to settle with one that isn’t my romantic match through and through
    and i am a ridiculous girl to believe or pretend that i am even deserving of that.
    what if a true romantic match is a fairy tale and i am just completely ridiculous to begin with?

    i feel hot tears brewing between my ears.

    i feel lighted headed vampire screaming it all out

    i feel hormone balances rushing and changing. leveling out.

    i feel all yawny now
    yawning feels good
    i feel peaceful now. I heard my self say “humm” dreamily after a deep breath in

    more yawning, yum.

    ut oh haha i feel sleepy now!



  114.  #114Starla on July 14, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    I feel open to let new beliefs. i choose to believe:

    there is such a thing as a great feeling relationship, because if i am willing to value having one in the future, and willing to work on myself to ensure that from my end, then lots of other men will be too.

    eek. feeling fear. NV’s telling me those men are one in a million.

    Feeling distracted and compelled to look at other web pages and fb instead of choose new beliefs right now.

    I feel a lot of resistance. Maybe I am jumping out of order in steps here, and the stuff i want to replace needs more purging. going to take a hot cleansing shower.



  115.  #115Ella on July 14, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    There have been a few mirrors for me recently of my behaviour with J, back at me with guys behaviour towards me.

    One was kinda extreme, where we were planning a 2nd date and he had already put himself down when we had date 1, and one day when I did not reply to a text quick enough he sent me this e-mail telling me all about how I was right, we were too different (ie I was younger, better looking etc…) and it was too much and just put me off.

    Ok, I can see the mirror of someone older and feeling a bit insecure in themselves and so feaking out. And I guess I was doing that a bit too.

    And yet I don’t think I did anything so bad like my dude who sent me the ‘ending’ it e-mail when his NVs took over.

    But I see the mirror.

    And then more recently another older guy who was the other way… there was something between us but he shut down totally and it was like defenses came up.

    And I liked him but that felt bad.

    Still felt attracted to him though and it was just too icky.

    I see a mirror there too.

    And yet I don’t think I was so extreme as either of these.

    I really hope not anyway.

    I feel insecure drawing parrallel between these men and me… I don’t want to be like that… (that is my stranger).

    Oh well… gotta love her too.

    I can take this away and learn from it. Ie: F8cken BELEIVE you are a Goddess Ella, cus you are!

    And don’t let NVs run the show.

    Send them love, give them cookies and quiet them down.

    Yep, ok, got it.

    Lesson learnt I hope.

    Just why the FECK do I always have to learn these lessons too late for the guys I want!!!!!

    FECK.

    Why did I have to learn on him 🙁

    Urghhh, why, why, why… I am doing my own head in.

    No point looking back, just gotta learn from here.

    If I can just grab a hold of some of that Rockstar stuff… and take that along with me from now… EVERYTHING can be different.

    Because every guy I meet will know I value me.

    And NVs will not get to run the show.

    And all can be healed.

    And maybe it is not too late for J… but if it is then F8ck it… NEXT!

    Better one please I am ready to learn again and practice this new knowledge.

    I AM A ROCKSTAR!!



  116.  #116DE on July 14, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    Brenda:

    Thank you for sharing your situation…I felt very touched and a bit powerless 🙁

    I will read again the post…I had for a moment some suggestions…overall, it is beautiful…

    Just got home and need to get dinner ready…yet, I would love to give u some feedback if I get a chance…

    In the meantime, I came across over this free teleconference run by Marianne Wil*liamson which I adore…

    http://mw.eventbrite.com/

    It seems to target situations such as yours…

    Talk to you soon,

    warm hugs,



  117.  #117FlowerChild77 on July 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    (((kaitlyn))) I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think the others might be on to something in noticing him using ‘distance’ as a reason to be/not to be in a relationship. Either way, it’s not real enough to require anything of him.

    I hate to say it, but I think what happened is that you were his transitional/rebound girl. From what you’ve told us, I rather doubt that this other girl is going to get much more from him than you did. He just doesn’t sound like relationship material.

    I know this doesn’t take away any of the hurt. I think you took seriously the words of a very mixed up, emotionally suffering person—probably because YOU would never do that to a man–and so it’s hard for us to understand those who treat others in thoughtless or cruel ways. I totally understand why you’re so hurt, since he said, “…he didn’t want to be a boyfriend.”

    As far as authenticity…I think you need to be authentic from now ON about yourself, your life and the men you will meet…it’s too late to go back and be authentic with him. He isn’t going to be receptive to it. I just got a newsletter (I believe it’s from Rori’s husband, actually) that talks about authenticity plus timing equals effective communication. (A+T=EC)

    I believe you would just end up feeling frustrated and possibly ignored if you were to try and contact him at this point. Maybe that’s why he ‘unfriended’ you–because he knows he’s acting badly and doesn’t want to get called on it–especially where this other girl might see it.

    Try to have a nice time tonight. He doesn’t deserve that much “free rent” in your head. Enjoy your friends and work on believing that you deserve SO much more than sporadic phone calls and txts from a man. ((((hugs))))



  118.  #118Ella on July 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    This is what I am choosing now for the situation…

    J – this is what I think/feel.

    Stuff gets scrambled on IM… I had loads of fun with you and it would feel good to hang out again.

    With smile and sparkly eyes.

    Feeling good.

    Thats it.

    That is what I want to put out there.

    I choose to see that things just got scrambled.

    He loves me.

    All guys do! 😉



  119.  #119Brenda on July 14, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Snowqueen,

    RE: #77 – Thank you so much for your heartfelt encouragement and support.



  120.  #120Brenda on July 14, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    DE,

    RE: #116 – Thank you!



  121.  #121FlowerChild77 on July 14, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Ella…I just had a thought about your situation about J. I don’t think you said anything so far out as to make him just ‘poof’—BUT, since he is as young as he is (you said he is 20?)—is it possible that because of his inexperience with women (and with life, in general) that he needs a little more encouragement than, say, a man your own age?

    Maybe this is wrong–and I know it kind of goes against the ‘leaning forward’ thing–but I really think he may just feel very unsure of himself–and then to hear that you feel unsure–well—you get what I’m trying to say, right? I don’t mean you have to chase him, or fall all over him or do anything that makes you feel bad about yourself, just maybe a tiny bit more encouraging vibe. And I think you are so right about misconstruing people’s words and comments when we are not face to face.

    It’s just something I’ve kinda been thinking about that whole thing and I thought I’d bring it up. Maybe this can all get cleared up when you all go out together. Maybe all it will take is the 5-second-stare to let him know you are still approachable and into getting to know him.

    You may be able to show him, share with him, teach him some great things about being a ‘good man” by letting him know what you like and expect from a man. I’ve also had the thought that he might be taking the “respect” thing way too far. (Keep in mind this is most likely new for him.) Being as young as he is, he will probably remember his experiences with you for a very long time.

    Sorry I got so long-winded with my “just a thought” 🙂



  122.  #122FlowerChild77 on July 14, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    ((((Brenda)))) You are brave and kind and honest and authentic and I believe these qualities will get you far in life. I can only imagine how hard things are for you right now (Especially about the food, trying to eat healthy and getting snide comments about what you choose to eat given your limitations.) It makes me angry that she would even have the nerve to say anything like that since she doesn’t want you taking up too much room in her refrigerator. UGH!!

    I like your letter and I really respect how you are sticking up for yourself–even in your difficult circumstances. I think of you often and keep you in my prayers. (((HUGS)))

    I am fortunate enough not to need the services of the local food pantry right now, but I have in the past and I know how UNhealthy the food usually is. White bread; processed peanut butter (full of hydrogenated fats); macaroni; mac and cheese, etc.



  123.  #123Starla on July 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    he didn’t unfriend kaitlyn. *i*, on the other hand, was unfriended.



  124.  #124Starla on July 14, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    the shower didn’t help too much.

    honestly my mind is an anxious stew with two ingredients – the fact that i havent heard from ‘my guy’ in over a week and he unfriended me, and the fact that i am nervous as hell to get together with ‘old flame’ tomorrow.

    ugh i want to disappear. poof



  125.  #125Brenda on July 14, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    FlowerChild,

    RE: #122 – Thank you! Yeah, it has gone from feeling confusing to feeling increasingly unfair.

    In other news, I had an interview tonight for a front desk chiropractor assistant job. It was a group interview with 12 people, and it was fun! He interviewed all of us together, and they were really nice people. I will find out tomorrow if I get a second interview.



  126.  #126FlowerChild77 on July 14, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    I will be sending good positive thoughts your way. You deserve something great to happen about now 🙂



  127.  #127FlowerChild77 on July 14, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    >>>”Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”<<< ~William Shakespeare

    I subscribe to a daily message from a site called SBNR (Spiritual But Not Religious) and this was today's message for the day. (I get it in my e-mail and on FB.)

    They have wonderful videos and messages–something positive and healing to think about every day. Just thought I'd share 🙂 <3



  128.  #128Mel on July 14, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Good luck Brenda! I hope you get a call back for a 2nd interview! Things will turn around soon… I admire your strength and positive outlook! 🙂



  129.  #129Mel on July 14, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    I got an email back from one of the Swiss principals asking if I had EU citizenship… (I do! 🙂 )

    Please be a good sign… please be a good sign… please be a good sign!!!



  130.  #130Senior Lady Vibe on July 14, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    @129: Mel says:
    “I got an email back from one of the Swiss principals asking if I had EU citizenship… (I do! )..”

    Yay!

    😀



  131.  #131kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    My only defense is to completely not post on fb for a long time, so he wonders if I’ve even seen his new fb status. and yeah, yeah, the siren thing to do is go out, live your life, move forward. i am a sucker. all because i decided to dismiss the intuition inside me as nv’s and keep in mind ‘this man is hurting.’



  132.  #132kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    I just blocked and unfriended him.



  133.  #134kaitlyn on July 14, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    yes, i’m totally aware many of you will say it was un-siren of me.



  134.  #135Daria on July 14, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    i feel AWFUL and so disappointed and sad and icky

    I don’t know what to do in NEW YORK where i am, i mean im by times square and all i want is to meet a man who will hang out with me… but

    im feleing werid and kinda sad… had a huge fight with dad/ discussion again this morning… did my best but felt awful, just sobbed… things seem better

    but i still feel… unattractive today (unlike yesterday)

    and NYguy hung out wiht me yesterady but i felt kinda distant plus i went TO him which got me feeling insecure and icky and friend like

    and now i am afraid to call him and ask him whatsup for tonite …

    he hasnt called ME and he probably will but i feel so disappointed to just be in the hotel room tonite…

    although i juts came to the hotle room on my own and parents are out…

    so now what?

    i dono

    i feel so sad and am crying and i just want to be LOVED

    and my dad said he doesnt love me anymore and wont anymore

    waaaah

    and i want to be loved by NEWyorkGUY but he seems to have another girl or something

    its like hes attractive to me but i feel uneasy and like friend vibe with him kinda and i feel so sad about that waaaaaaahhhhh

    i wana have someone to hang out with and i am crying right now i want to go dancing or smoke some pot with someone

    and instead im here bawling in my hotel room when thers so many people outside but i feel too out of it to go smile at them and i feel sick sick sisck and lonely

    waaaaaaaaahhhhhh

    i feel so in pain



  135.  #136Daria on July 14, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    this is SUC”H a fuchkin familiar feeeling

    i feel angry

    i feel desperate

    i feel howling

    i feel hot in my head

    i feel disgusted

    i feel sick

    i feel humiliated

    i feel lonely

    i feel onley!!!!!!!! wwaaaaahhhhh

    i feel hopelesss



  136.  #137Turquoise3 on July 14, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    Kaitlyn, I think that was a good idea. Having him in your life this way is painful. You deserve more.



  137.  #138Emerson on July 14, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    132 Kaitlyn, I think you need to do what’s best for you and what feels right….

    I had to block my ex on FB because 1) he’s psycho and I don’t want him being able to see my page
    2) I felt compelled to look at his fb page now and again and I wish I never had seen the pics of him and his new girlfriend (blech!!!) *that’s me puking

    now I have those pictures in my head. yuck! 🙁



  138.  #139Daria on July 14, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    okay… i just watched Rori’s video and it flet good to lean back and release and then relieve sink in

    but then to imagine he’s giving love to me i feel my tummy jumping and i fele sick

    i gotta reposition myself so im laid back right now…

    i can also paint my toes so i feel good about them…



  139.  #140Emerson on July 14, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    135 and 136 @ Daria, first of all ((hug)) to you….
    good for you for sinking into your feelings and expressing them here in a safe place!

    I’m thinking baby steps…take a shower, brush your hair, do some little stuff that makes you feel pretty and gorgeous…maybe it’s ok to stay in tonight and then tomorrow you will feel better!!



  140.  #141Emerson on July 14, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Daria I’m sorry your Dad said something so hurtful to you! 🙁 I KNOW how painful that is. Ugh.



  141.  #142Daria on July 14, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    well i now found a club thats only 2 blocks away, i feel kinda shy to just go *rolls eyes* at slef

    i love myself

    and i love my eye roolling

    and my fear

    and my anger



  142.  #143Daria on July 14, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    thanks ladies

    i feel sick



  143.  #144Daria on July 14, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    i feel better

    all these feelings are NOT new

    they are coming up to be healed

    mmm



  144.  #145Jeannette on July 14, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Just an update, Steve’s brother, the one on hospice passed away 6 days after Steve. He was the one Steve cared for and lived with if you remember. I’ve gone from visiting both of them now to neither one. Their house is vacant and will probably be turned back over to the bank. However, neither one of them is in pain any longer. What a year it has been!



  145.  #146Daria on July 14, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    umm sooo….

    i want to call text NYguy to hang out with me…

    but what i really want is him to call ME!

    and i feel all desperate and attached cuz he’s the only one i was so far able to get in contact with

    plus i REALLY like NYGuy and i feel all icky thinking he doesnt like me… though he probably does but i felt insecure a few times with him the other nite

    its like he was so attractive i was feeling shut down

    and i feel humiliated that he doesnt like me as much – in my perception –

    and im supposed to be imagining all men giving love to me as per the video

    and that DOES feel better



  146.  #147Starla on July 14, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    Daria, you’re in times square? OMG if that was me I would take my time getting ready however i saw fit and then would go to the Sephora and Sanrio store! And the toys r us is tight too!

    no company needed! times square is magical at this time. though those stores MIGHT close at midnight, can’t remember



  147.  #148Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    just gonna write around this… dont know if it will help me…

    thoughts im having like… yep… theres that feeling again…

    guess im just gonna have to “take it”

    feeling bad

    thats how it is for me… non-loneliness is temporary

    and im back to my homelessy bummy lonely existance

    connection is temporary

    just feeling sad

    i KNEW i was going to be disapointed about this being as fun as last year

    i feel icky about the “showing off” i did in front of Nyguy

    i probably turned him off

    hes probably not even trippin but because im not calling him im missing out on fun

    i have no Other fun

    i didnt get those guys numbers from last nite and i coulda called Them for something to do

    no one talked to me today
    no one talks to me when im lonely

    thats it… we’re back to aloneness

    lonely lonely lonely and left out of the whole world celebration

    yesterday my sis said im a player and i dont feel like much of a player right now

    i remember my guy friend in romania and when we kinda got romantic

    and how horrible and crazy i felt when he wasnt picking up my calls and i felt like he was the only one around i could go out with

    it felt humiliating

    and then the next summer i didnt even call him at all

    even though i felt terribly bored and didnt go out to a fun thing not once

    and i feel heavy hearted to think of that happening again

    why cant people just like me??

    people adore me, but why cant they just like me, and call me

    why cant N?Y?guy call me TONITE and be like wassup

    doesnt he realize im lonelyl?

    i fele sad

    i love my sadness

    i feel tired

    mmm

    sleeping WILL feel good…
    even with heavy heartedness?

    i love my heavyheartedness



  148.  #149Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    all i want is a club and the club around the corner is Ladies night, and its hip hop … and i cant get myself motivated to go 🙁



  149.  #150Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    Starla – yeah ive been walking aroudn there all day, but i felt so walled off and weird after having that stuff going on with my dad

    and nobody talked to me

    unlike last night when everyone was MOBBING me and i felt amazing and bragged about to my sister in front of NYguy and now i feel sick



  150.  #151Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    i KNOW!!

    even if i skip ladies night tonite… there WILL be clubs on the weekend

    and i can get in touch EARLY with NYguy tomorrow and get myself some pot…

    during the DAY!

    and be in a wonderful mood during the day and meet lots of men not just NYguy

    and then he can tell me where i might go at night to party

    and i can talk to him about how i feel really good with him and also insecure and am wondering what he thinks

    how was i gonna talk about htat again?

    it was in love scripts



  151.  #152Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:13 pm

    on top of that, what felt weird is we were sitting on the couch and he was kinda away from me

    and when i was readjusting to lean back, when i leaned on his arm… it felt so amazing and warm and like it was giving me warm energy

    and i felt JEALOUS

    because i put my sister on the phone with his friend…
    and he eventually put her on speaker phone

    and it seemed like everyone in the room including me and ny guy wwere fascinated by MY SISTER’s conversation

    and she wasnt evne present!!

    (but it felt amazing and magical and like she was, and it felt rea;lly and loving and good at some times of the night)

    and i felt jealous

    i felt like i was really getting boy energy and show off energy and not able to be girl

    but then i did relax in girl

    and then i felt all shy and shut down to talk with NYguy cuz he was hinting at stuff about sex

    and i was trying to practice tha tLove Scripts tool like putting my hand on his shoulder (in my mind) and goin oh you silly man, youre so smitten with me…

    and it helped some but i still felt uncomfortable



  152.  #153Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    my energy was like , oh im such a super cool impressive BOY!

    and i think i did impress, and or i dono

    but it seemed like whatshis name nyguy was getting more and more distant

    he even made references to stuff id said (like how guys ‘mobbed’ me)

    i love me anyway

    i forgive myself!



  153.  #154Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    oh yeah!! i bet my pond will clear. im just getting a muddy pond thats all! i can handle this!!



  154.  #155Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    i am really painting my toes too!

    i am so AWESOME to myself!!!!

    yes yes !

    i can feel my energy turning around!

    wow!



  155.  #156Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    my dad talks about his feelings a lot!

    he’ll say poetic stuff like ‘ my heart feels like its been poisoned..its overflowing with venom’

    and “i feel like my neck is being stepped on! i feel like my veins are throbbing on the side of my neck!!! ”

    along with some awful stuff

    i actually felt impressed but didnt much know what to say

    i did say feelings

    along with

    i dont want to be talked to that way

    thank you for telling me

    then i think i said something i didnt want to wind up saying which is that i dont care about his feelings cuz hes a man and as a woman my feelings are more vulnerable

    oops

    i thnk Rori doesnt say to say that…

    i actually did a great job communicating with him even though he was insisting he does not love me anymore etc

    and he just wants me to leave

    (and be independent)

    i also did a great job when i burst out crying in public at the restaurant and my mom hugged me

    yay me for expressing myself instead of eating my feelings



  156.  #157Starla on July 14, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    i feel so sad
    i need attention too
    wanting to reach out on facebook and post about my feeling sad…i know people will respond, and his friends will see how sad i am without him…but it’s just lame. and kind of a game
    i judge myself for showing too many negative feelings on facebook…so i wouldn’t feel good with that

    this blows…i’m should probably just go to sleep. i drank a very strong dark beer wth dinner to kind of forget. i’m a lightweight. one beer does it lol



  157.  #158Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    guys are now showing up online to help me go somewhere! cuz i put my headline… im in new york dont know where to go help me!!!



  158.  #159Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    Hugs Starla !!

    all the stuff ive been ‘doing’ to help myself right now is really working!

    im feeling hella better!!

    weeee 🙂



  159.  #160Starla on July 14, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    i think i am going to meditate with the aid of an audio track and then go to bed.

    my poor, poor monkey mind. it needs a rest.



  160.  #161Starla on July 14, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    thanks 4 hugs!



  161.  #162Emerson on July 14, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Daria, don’t be too harsh with yourself about “showing off”…be gentle with yourself and see, you caught yourself!

    I catch myeslf now too! I do it sometimes too….but now I’m more aware…

    I hope you have fun in NY. I am so jealous, I’ve never been!!!



  162.  #163Starla on July 14, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    I am not a doormat but mostly i just wish good will on ‘my guy’ and also for myself. it’s easy to get sucked into hating and blaming and judgment for the things he does, but at the end of the day i just encourage the universe to send love his way, and imagine that were are both being bathed in delicious love.

    hoping for the very best for him and hoping he’s doing well even though i feel way not okay with how things are between us doesn’t mean i am saying all the stuff i don’t like is okay. it just means i wish only good things for him.

    i’ve never quite felt this way about a man before. mostly im just like “eff that guy, he’s clearly a jerk and a loser and he’ll be miserable without me so i win.” it’s always been me vs. him. i feel different this time..like i have more room for love in my heart even if things aren’t going ‘good’ between us or are completely off. and having the love in my heart doesn’t mean i will get back together with him or pine for him necessarily. it is just love in my heart.

    i think this is the purest i’ve felt towards a guy in a situation like this. i feel really good with this. perhaps i really am transcending some old patterns and blocks.



  163.  #164Starla on July 14, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    i still fantasize that things could get better between us. i have him on the back of my horse as i ride to my own happily ever after.



  164.  #165Daria on July 14, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    i now know of like 3 diff clubs i could go to … tonite… thanks to my helpful magically appearing online man!
    yay!

    and i also.. don’t really feel like going out… kinda feeling tired

    yay!

    this feels good!



  165.  #166alias girl on July 14, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    i feel like he wasn’t REALLY into me. he must have mentioned “BEAUTIFUL WOMEN” about a hundred thousand times. and pointed out one woman and said “she must be a model.” then pointed her out a second time when she walked by again. and then talked about how he felt bad because he didn’t approach any of the women at the party he had gone to the other night because he felt intimidated because they were SO BEAUTIFUL. BLAH BLAH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMEN THAT!

    WHO THE FCK AM I? I AM A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES WILLING TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU.

    but i felt like he didn’t see it that way. and was kind of just ‘keeping his numbers up with the older woman’.

    no, this “thinking” doesn’t help me and how could i possibly know what was really going on in his head.

    and i didn’t really care. y would i care? dude there are a hundred or u’s too. he’s not my ‘soulmate’, i thought.

    and then he turned into busymanpimp. and i was like where did that attentive, cordial, door-opening guy go?!

    and i felt indifferent.

    and i told him i didn’t like texts and he promised not to text and then basically has stalked me via text since then.

    and i feel more than indifferent. I feel really really turned off. and i told him i didn’t want to move forward. and i just received a 6 page TEXT from him

    saying wah wah wah i’m a great guy, give me a chance.

    i feel SO turned off. it feels toxic to me. like now maybe i am a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN that is UNATTAINABLE which seems to be just his type.

    yes, i feel really grossed out.

    a tiny bit flattered with the energy he is sending me but more repulsed than anything.



  166.  #167alias girl on July 14, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    ok, i’m going to text him right now that again i am not interested.

    i don’t like this energy and i don’t like that i just complained about him on the blog.

    i’d rather have nada in my rotation than some b*tchpimp who i feel stalked by enough to come to the blog to complain about him. i feel he is stealing my focus.

    NO! i am now shifting my focus back to things i like and enjoy and feel good about.

    i wish him the best.
    and me too.



  167.  #168Starla on July 14, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    i sound crazy..it’s only been a week + since i aint talked to him since we r taking space

    ugh wish i could shut off my mind.



  168.  #169Daria on July 14, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    okay now some man is offering to come get me…

    and im like… turning him down! wow!!!

    its 1 am here and even though its not ‘late’ ny city wise, it still felt late yesterday at 4 am and i still felt awkward about going home so late and like im doing more than a man would

    i told hte man tomorrow when i wake up would feel good…

    if NYguy was to call me right now i probably WOULD go… but ive already met ny guy



  169.  #170Daria on July 14, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    ELLA – i am LOVING looking at your Zumba class video!! its making me feel all smily ! yay!!!!! your energy feels awesome



  170.  #171English Woman on July 14, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    #27 Brenda

    So sorry to see you in this predicament, it feels so bad. Have you no family you can stay with until you get on your feet, even a sofa for a few weeks or months?

    Take Care



  171.  #172English Woman on July 14, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    # Ella, your zumba class looked like so much fun. 😀

    My sisters have been doing it now for a few weeks, looks like something I could get into!!



  172.  #173English Woman on July 14, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    #13 Ella, duh!!



  173.  #174English Woman on July 14, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    #91 Starla

    Thanks for that link, I have bookmarked it, as that is pretty much where I am myself (for the moment :))



  174.  #175English Woman on July 14, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    #156 Daria

    Wow New York!!!! I’ve never been there, but maybe one day 😀

    I was thinking of your dad’s wordy words, I have known and worked with a few Romanians in my time and I find them a very passionate people!!

    Maybe you will find your forever red hot man in Romania, have a great trip and enjoy!!



  175.  #176Brenda on July 15, 2011 at 1:51 am

    English Woman,

    RE: #171 – Thank you, one of my two brothers offered me his guest room. But my issue is my dogs and cats. He is keeping two of my four cats in his shed outside, where they can go in or out. He has his own cats inside and doesn’t want them to be together and fight. And he doesn’t want the dogs outside because there are loose dogs in the neighborhood, because it’s out in the country. There would be fighting and barking there.

    Other than that, my Mom is in a nursing home, so she can’t help me, or she would. My other brother is pretty cold and just gave me a harsh, “No, I don’t want to get involved.” He has always been like that.

    I keep wanting to go home, but there is no home to go to. I am thankful, tho, that at least I have a place to stay temporarily.

    I got a brief email from Miho’s husband, who I cc’ed on the email. He said he doesn’t want me on pins and needles – that his wife wasn’t getting home until late and would have a full day tomorrow, so it might be a couple of days until she even reads my email. He assured me briefly that I am welcome, and to not try to read minds.



  176.  #177Brenda on July 15, 2011 at 1:52 am

    Mel,

    RE: #128 – Thank you for your vote of confidence!



  177.  #178Brenda on July 15, 2011 at 1:58 am

    Nikita,

    RE: #133 – That video is off the hook! Like South Park escaped to the newsroom or something!



  178.  #179Brenda on July 15, 2011 at 2:02 am

    (((Jeannette))),

    RE: #145 – How difficult for you to go thru! My heart goes out to you! I pray for you when you come to mind.

    Love, Brenda



  179.  #180Brenda on July 15, 2011 at 2:13 am

    Daria,

    How long are you going to be in NY? Are you en route to Romania?

    Sorry to hear your Dad said he doesn’t love you. That is a horrible thing for a father to say.

    I echo your “Yay, you!” for rising above it by feeling your feelings and taking care of you! I hope you have a nice time in NY!



  180.  #181Elanesse on July 15, 2011 at 2:29 am

    🙂
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbgvAp1_DvE

    On the floor of Tokyo
    Or down in London town to go, go
    With the record selection
    With the mirror reflection
    I’m dancing with myself

    When there’s no-one else in sight
    In the crowded lonely night
    Well I wait so long
    For my love vibration
    And I’m dancing with myself

    Oh dancing with myself
    Oh dancing with myself
    Well there’s nothing to lose
    And there’s nothing to prove
    I’ll be dancing with myself

    If I looked all over the world
    And there’s every type of girl
    But your empty eyes
    Seem to pass me by
    Leave me dancing with myself

    So let’s sink another drink
    ‘Cause it’ll give me time to think
    If I had the chance
    I’d ask the world to dance
    And I’ll be dancing with myself

    Oh dancing with myself
    Oh dancing with myself
    Well there’s nothing to lose
    And there’s nothing to prove
    I’ll be dancing with myself

    Oh dancing with myself
    Oh dancing with myself
    Well there’s nothing to lose
    And there’s nothing to prove
    I’ll be dancing with myself

    If I looked all over the world
    And there’s every type of girl
    But your empty eyes
    Seem to pass me by
    Leave me dancing with myself

    So let’s sink another drink
    ‘Cause it’ll give me time to think
    If I had the chance
    I’d ask the world to dance
    And I’ll be dancing with myself
    I’ll be dancing with myself

    So let’s sink another drink
    ‘Cause it’ll give me time to think

    Oh dancing with myself
    Oh dancing with myself
    Well there’s nothing to lose
    And there’s nothing to prove
    I’ll be dancing with myself

    Oh dancing with myself
    Oh dancing with myself
    Well there’s nothing to lose
    And there’s nothing to prove
    I’ll be dancing with myself



  181.  #182Jeannette on July 15, 2011 at 2:34 am

    Thank you Brenda, I am going through some sort of depression now as well as grief and I hope one day to be able to make some sort of sense out of all of this.



  182.  #183marina on July 15, 2011 at 2:46 am

    Oh ((((((((hugs)))))))) Jeannette.
    I have been thinking about you.
    Sending you lots of love from Europe.
    Xxx



  183.  #184Jeannette on July 15, 2011 at 2:48 am

    Thank you marina



  184.  #185marina on July 15, 2011 at 2:51 am

    I called the Vaio helpdesk. Luckily I bought it July 22 2009. So there are still some days left of my guarantee… I unscreeed it and opened it but ofcourse could not see anything wrong with it. Hope Sony will fix it. I will try to save my files with the help of my youngest brother…who knows.



  185.  #186marina on July 15, 2011 at 2:55 am

    Oh Daria wow must be wonderful to be in New York.Have not been there yet (not in any part of the Americas actually).

    Glad to see you are feeling better, I feel lonely and also feel like I want to impress a lot of times too…
    Enjoy your stay!



  186.  #187marina on July 15, 2011 at 3:14 am

    Dear Universe thank you for all the giftsand wonderfull people you have been sending lately…I feel very grateful and blessed. one of my former it colleagues told me how I can the files on my HD and even offered to do it for me…thank you thank you thank you

    I am still feeling sore after realizing what I did to S. Rusty made it even clearer how a man feels in such a situation.
    Still I feel grateful for learning this. I am just afraid that I am toxic and not a good GF. Like I will never be good at it. While he showed me he cares for me very much.



  187.  #188Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 5:26 am

    http://glo.msn.com/beauty/perfectly-imperfect-10-beauty-flaws-we-love-714-7197.gallery?gt1=49006

    • Perfectly Imperfect By Zoe Schaeffer

    We all know—but sometimes forget—that there’s no such thing as perfection, especially when it comes to beauty. These stars reminds us that quirks like a slight overbite or gap-toothed grin are what make a woman uniquely beautiful. A flawless face? No thank you.
    • Buck The System
    Eva Mendes has said her bucked teeth earned her the nickname Bugs Bunny as a child. We think a little overbite adds charm and personality to her winning smile.
    • Times New Roman
    Pert, turned up noses have long been the American beauty standard, but stars like Lake Bell prove that a strong Roman nose is sexy.
    • In The Dark
    Instead of trying to hide under-eye circles with heavy-duty concealer, take a cue from former French model and style icon Inès de la Fressange, who makes the so-called flaw appear mysterious and sultry.
    • Yeehaw!
    Although studio execs once suggested that Amanda Peet have her teeth shaved down, the actress laughed it off and embraced her Mr. Ed moniker.
    • Mind The Gap
    Model Lindsey Wixson is the latest in a long line of gap-toothed beauties that includes Lauren Hutton, Vanessa Paradis and Madonna.
    • Leaving Her Mark
    Instead of trying to camouflage her scar, Padma Lakshmi wears it like a badge of honor, making her all the more gorgeous.
    Some might call bold brows too severe, but they made contemporary artist and socialite Anh Duong one of the most sought after models in the late 80s.
    • Outta Sight
    Having two different irises may be considered a genetic imperfection, but Kate Bosworth’s brown and blue pairing is simply intriguing.
    • Chin Up
    The current face of Balenciaga, musician Charlotte Gainsbuorg epitomizes the phrase “unconventional beauty.”
    • Head Start
    A large forehead and wide-set eyes give Christina Ricci’s face an innocent, doll-like beauty.
    Instead of trying to hide under-eye circles with heavy-duty concealer, take a cue from former French model and style icon Inès de la Fressange, who makes the so-called flaw appear mysterious and sultry.
    Model Lindsey Wixson is the latest in a long line of gap-toothed beauties that includes Lauren Hutton, Vanessa Paradis and Madonna.
    Some might call bold brows too severe, but they made contemporary artist and socialite Anh Duong one of the most sought after models in the late 80s.
    A large forehead and wide-set eyes give Christina Ricci’s face an innocent, doll-like beauty.



  188.  #189Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 5:50 am

    Jeannette please remember you have no control over anything that has happened. Also he would want to see you happy. Have you cried any tears of joy reminiscing about the good times?



  189.  #190Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 6:26 am

    http://www.womenshappiness.com/articles/the-five-golden-measures-of-commitment?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=The+5+Golden+Measures+of+Commitment
    5. You admire his career.
    Surprise, I’ve saved the best for last. It’s the most POWERFUL measure of a man’s commitment to YOU, what he senses you feel about the value and respect for HIS career.
    Yes, I really said that. And do you see how powerful this is? It’s one of the only things I have ever heard of where someone ELSE’S commitment level to you is so deeply impacted by an action that YOU take.
    Here’s why in a nutshell. We all have sources of deep identity. For women the word for that is “femininity” and for men it’s “masculinity.” They are responsible for the quality of your sex life too. You’ll see.
    Well, a man’s masculinity has the deepest roots in his investment and roles, and rewards that come from career. It’s not just his children, although he loves them dearly and would defend them with his life. It’s unfortunately not even in YOU, because we don’t control other people, and it’s a bad idea to pin your identity and reason for being squarely on a dependence situation with someone else. He doesn’t want you to do that either. You are two adults with lives, skills, and accomplishments of your own.
    This is primal instincts we are talking about here – the reflexes that run our behavior without us even knowing it. These instincts of masculinity are like radar that pick up your level of curiosity, interest, admiration and support of what his life is all about by way of his career efforts.
    If he senses that you don’t care, aren’t interested, separate that part of life out of the equation of what makes a great relationship, or if you leave him alone to “figure it out” when he has a dilemma rather than cheering him on, honoring him for what he does in career, or if your own career is in conflict with his, a deep part of him is screaming silently, and looking for the nearest door out of the relationship.
    And just as you know that you know when you are walking down the aisle, that he is truly committed, he can only know as a man that you are committed back, when you admire, support, collaborate and compromise around his career.
    That’s the most golden secret of all. You’ll see it work when you try it.



  190.  #191Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 6:58 am

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/understanding-silence-help-to-quiet-your-mind/
    To quiet your mind you need the courage to release and set free your past, including the pain that has become buried but still influences our lives from a deep and hidden place.
    To quiet your mind also requires courage to release the future, letting go of our expectations and fears and to only live in the present, which is the only time that we can live and act in.
    It is only by existing in the present that we are able to let go of all clinging to the outcome of our own actions or “karma”. Success



  191.  #192Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 7:06 am

    129: Mel says:

    I got an email back from one of the Swiss principals asking if I had EU citizenship… (I do! 🙂 )

    Please be a good sign… please be a good sign… please be a good sign!!!

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Mel

    That looks like a very very positive sign to me. I am very excited about this for you. It is a sign that good things are in your future, be it this opportunity, or another opportunity yet to be revealed to you…maybe something similar but with a different company. So stay positive and upbeat no matter what happens. I’ve seen stuff like this before where it turns out great immediately or was a sign of something even better coming soon.

    You deserve something great in your life so I have no doubt that something great is coming your way. Remember to send us postcards. 😉



  192.  #193Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 7:10 am

    145: Jeannette

    Sorry to hear about your loss. And I hope your grief and depression is short lived. Time is the only healer, but thankfully it does always heal. But you can do things that help ease the suffering. I myself love to look at bodies of water and wildlife. It calms me. I can sit and watch the surf all day. I have always been a water baby.



  193.  #194Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 7:15 am

    187: marina says:

    I am still feeling sore after realizing what I did to S. Rusty made it even clearer how a man feels in such a situation.
    Still I feel grateful for learning this. I am just afraid that I am toxic and not a good GF. Like I will never be good at it. While he showed me he cares for me very much.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Nah, the fact that you care very much, are willing to admit your mistakes, willing to change when you see you made a mistake….that shows that you are an awesome GF. He will appreciate that fact. Don’t enable him using this as some sort of power grab. Simply pour out your heart, tell him how you feel, and make it clear that if HE wants to get past this, they can because neither one of you had ill intent toward each other. Your intentions were pure even if your method was flawed. My feeling is that he understands this and even if he is still a little sore over it, he will get over it and maybe even appreciate you more when he thinks back and remembers that you only acted out of love for him.



  194.  #195Mel on July 15, 2011 at 7:19 am

    Thanks Rusty! I believe I deserve some good things in my life too!

    Sometimes it’s hard because for me it feels like I didn’t ask for ANY of this. But my life HAS to change now. I have no choice in the matter. So… I want to be able to CHOOSE something good. Something positive and exciting. I don’t want to feel like my only options are imposed on me and options that I don’t particularly like.

    It’s also hard because he’s getting lots of “good” opportunities coming his way. He’s got 3 job offers in 3 different cities and for him, this major life change was his choice. I want him to be happy and have good things in his life, but sometimes it’s just hard to see him moving on, doing so well and me still feeling stuck and like nothing good is happening for me. I hope that will change soon! I really need something happy in my life to look forward to.

    I checked into some web site addresses so that if I go overseas, I can blog about my adventure for my family/friends to enjoy. I am a semi-professional photographer, so my plan is to take beautiful photos as I explore my new home and write e-“postcards” back home. Both web addresses that I thought were cool are both available. I’ll tell you guys the web address so you can follow me if this pans-out. 🙂

    Maybe this is a sign too. I SO want this for myself!



  195.  #196Plum on July 15, 2011 at 7:35 am

    13 Ella

    Where the hell are the pounds you want to loose? You look gorgeous!
    I loved the dress too 🙂
    And my first reaction was same as SLV: it feels unsafe without the security nets.

    I would not worry about J
    What is real and positive is that you will meet at the party you are invited to.
    Don’t contact him before, let things happen by themselves, it is much more romantic.
    When you meet him, you’ll have a chance to look in his eyes and put him under your spell all over again.
    🙂

    Xxx



  196.  #197Plum on July 15, 2011 at 7:35 am

    26:  ((( Brenda )))

    I am wishing for you, Brenda. Crossing my fingers.
    I feel shocked, I was under the impression she had invited you to stay at her place.

    Xxx



  197.  #198Plum on July 15, 2011 at 7:35 am

    125 Brenda
    Crossing my toes too 🙂

    xxx



  198.  #199Plum on July 15, 2011 at 7:38 am

    124: Senior Lady Vibe says:

    @18: Plum says:
    “”Sending help
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kf4UW2H5tsw&NR=1&feature=fvwp
    he he
    xxx””
    Thanks and Yippee! Making vortex cannons. I’ve always wanted to know how to do that. That and tying off balls with bungee cords. Oh, I see those instructions are included too. Happy days!
    xoxo
    *******************************************************
    pmsl
    Why did I know you would love it?!
    ha ha
    bungee cord for rubber band man…
    He he



  199.  #200Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 7:42 am

    Mel your story is starting to remind me of Elizabeth Gilbert’s life journey in Eat, Pray, Love.



  200.  #201Plum on July 15, 2011 at 7:45 am

    192 Rusty

    ***Keep in mind also that pop icons aren’t just a vehicle, they are a cover, a distraction. After the rich and powerful were beheaded in France, the world’s elite realized how vulnerable they were. Thus the need to have rich & famous people to distract the masses away from the truly rich.
    Do you even know what any of the Vanderbilts, or Rockefellers, Rothschilds, etc.. look like? They have successfully diverted attention away from themselves.***

    lol
    lol
    What definition of “famous” would you give for the people of 1789?
    The king and his family escaped in a vehicle, not many people had vehicles back then. It was not very discreet for an escape lol
    Yet the Royal family was not bothered during their “escape”. They were using passports with fake names and no picture lol
    Nobody new their faces, nobody had seen the video of the king looool
    No mobiles and Internet.

    Today there are videos of all the Kings and Queens on earth. They don’t seem to be hiding, traumatized by the French guillotine. Lol
    On the contrary they use the medias to reach their goal better.
    http://www.youtube.com/user/QueenRania#p/u/17/LJTmhOzyEGw

    (Just for the fun of giving facts, versus paranoia and gossips, I will add that the King paid with gold coins everywhere they stopped. Their bad luck wants that the man they paid at their last stop before freedom, had worked in their castle in Versailles. The man looked at the woman passenger and thought she looked like the queen he had seen in the Versailles castle. He then looked at the face stamped on the gold coins and noticed it was the same face of the man driving the coach. On the coin it was also stamped the name and the title “King of France”. He said nothing. He let the king go in a first time, but…. and the rest is History lol)

    xxx



  201.  #202Plum on July 15, 2011 at 7:45 am

    192 Rusty

    ***Keep in mind also that pop icons aren’t just a vehicle, they are a cover, a distraction. After the rich and powerful were beheaded in France, the world’s elite realized how vulnerable they were. Thus the need to have rich & famous people to distract the masses away from the truly rich.
    Do you even know what any of the Vanderbilts, or Rockefellers, Rothschilds, etc.. look like? They have successfully diverted attention away from themselves.***

    I’ll take one Rothschild family member at random and in a field easy for you, “popular entertainment”: I have been familiar with the face of Nadine de Rothschild,.
    She does not hide at all, on the contrary she has been an actress and she has been known for the books she writes and the school she created. She sometimes appears on television and news papers for her work with children and women

    She had a school in Geneva where she taught women to discover their own femininity through good manners. She says all in all the same thing we say here.
    French social services had sent to her some “ghetto” girls and orphan children.

    Her son Benjamin is not hiding either. I heard of him quite often in the entertainment media because of his contribution to the sailing world.
    On a different level, he and his wife Ariane support talent all over the world but not the tele reality type of show nor the bachelor type of show

    Click on the link, then when you see at the bottom left of the page the word “message”, click on it, you will see “what they look like”
    http://www.ebdrf.com/

    The Rothschild name and faces have sometimes been on the cover of financial magazines.
    It does not seem they are hiding. If you are not interested in their type of work, it seems logical you don’t read the type of material they would write or be mentioned in.

    Xxx



  202.  #203Plum on July 15, 2011 at 7:46 am

    192 Rusty

    ***Keep in mind also that pop icons aren’t just a vehicle, they are a cover, a distraction. After the rich and powerful were beheaded in France, the world’s elite realized how vulnerable they were. Thus the need to have rich & famous people to distract the masses away from the truly rich.
    Do you even know what any of the Vanderbilts, or Rockefellers, Rothschilds, etc.. look like? They have successfully diverted attention away from themselves.***

    Well to stay in the easy field of entertainment media so you can follow, Gloria was an actress. Her face was no secret. You might remember her design jeans Gloria Vanderbilt? She sold the company and is now EXPOSING her art. Talk about hiding lol You can see her at her art gallery and on her web site.
    Same for one of her sons, Andersen Cooper, who is journalist for the BBC. He runs the Anderson Cooper 360°
    John P. Hammond is another descendant of William Henry Venderbilt who shows his face in the entertainment world
    http://www.youtube.com/user/Fret12Admin#p/c/DD70E566D8B07736/0/7YNxqfEu3ug

    As for the Rockefellers, David’s face has been seen internationally and Jay is a US Senator and his pictures along with his family’s pictures are available to the public like any US senator.
    Etc…. etc……

    By the way, Ellen Rockefeller is somehow linked to the soul of this blog. She founded an institute for scientific studies on emotional intelligence. Her picture is also available, she does not hide her work. lol

    🙂

    xxx



  203.  #204Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 7:51 am

    Plum, doesn’t change the fact that many rich elite were beheaded. The fact that not everyone was out for blood doesn’t change that. The man could have just as easily turned them in. The event did highlight to the elite that they were vulnerable.

    As for the present Kings and Queens, is it possible that they now serve the very purpose I spoke of? Keep in mind that king/Queen of England has zero actual power. They are figureheads.



  204.  #205Plum on July 15, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Kaitlyn

    1) You don’t know what his profile status says, you have not seen it yourself.

    2) You don’t know what her profile status says, you have not seen it yourself

    3) May be his status really says “in a relationship” but you don’t know with whom and if it means anything to him. Was he playing with the status and left it this way?

    4) May be he wants sex phone with her and she said she can’t have sex without a relationship. So he said he was exclusive with her and she said “prove it” so he changed the facebook status. (She would not be the first silly woman who confuses sex talk and relationship)

    5) May be he had too much respect for you to lie to you about being a boy friend, but he thought he could lie to her and make believe he is her boy friend.

    6) May be he is not truly abusing her but deep down he knows he will stop the phone contact when he comes back to the USA. But he figured “what the heck, I want fun right now, she is giving it to me, I take it and I will see what happens when time comes to leave for America.”

    7) May be he is not wanting to abuse her at all, he thinks he is in a relationship. Next he is back in the USA and off she goes out of his life anyhow.

    8) May be she can get him a contract for a gig in her country, so you know, some musicians would sell their soul for a gig.
    ********************************************

    9) Everything above is irrelevant to your happiness. Whether he is in a relationship with her or not does not change your real life.
    Not one bit.
    It is all up in your mind.
    You are working yourself up for things that do not interfere or influence or improve or ruin your real life.
    Not one bit.
    He is not in your city, you and him can’t live together, so none of his actions change your reality.
    When he is single you are single, when he has a girl you are single.
    He is never related to your love life.
    Even the thought of him is not related to love but to pain.

    10) Good thing you unfriended him and blocked him. Rori gives that advice when the man we love asks for friendship only and we know we want more and friendship hurts our feeling https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/he-just-wants-to-be-friends-what-to-do-now/

    When you wake up it will be in the same bed as before, you will see the same room around you, it will smell the same thing as every morning, you will take charge of your life on your own as always, nothing will be different from before you blocked him.
    No matter what he does in his life, yours is not altered at all, to the point when you block him, your won’t see the least detail change in your life.
    Your mind will try to make you feel abandoned as if you had a lover with you in your real life and you lost him. It’s a lie, don’t believe it.

    11) Within a short time; your mind will try to make you believe more lies; you will feel sorry you blocked him.
    You will feel you miss him and bla bla bla.
    When it happens, make sure to observe with calm the difference in your life before and after you blocked him. NONE!

    12) And try to remember that the only thing he was doing when he was doing something, was to phone you which is not a relationship, Rori says it clearly: it is crumbs.
    Plus he was calling to have sex until you stopped it, then he called to speak of his sorrows.
    He was not even a two way imaginary friend.

    13) Your courageous decision has made space for a real man to show up.
    Be patient he is on his way.
    But be visible for him to spot you in the world.
    Take it easy, may be take time in a first stage to observe that it is true, your every day life has not changed at all, A never was in your life so you lost nothing at all.
    It was all lies your mind was telling you.
    And then be brave.
    Go out as much as possible.
    Date only men who live in your city and have no plans of moving away.

    xxx

    PD: A will call at some stage, it will be good to your ego but hopefully your feelings won’t care.



  205.  #206Lilybelle on July 15, 2011 at 7:58 am

    129:

    Oh Mel! (((MEL)))!!! I just had to hug you, I feel so excited about this for you.

    GOOD things are on the way for you…



  206.  #207Lilybelle on July 15, 2011 at 8:00 am

    And Brenda! Congrats on the interview! I am sending postive thoughts to you for a call back today.

    Anything from your “landlady” in response to your email?

    I wish for you a peaceful times.



  207.  #208Plum on July 15, 2011 at 8:06 am

    439: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    ****************************
    @421: Plum says:
    “…SLV! Your bear conspiracy has been discovered! Run!…”
    ************************
    Oh, you remembered. That was months ago. Yes, me and my fellow traveler, Brenda! Speaking of puppets… what about your poupee with the made especially for it clothes that you’ve kept all these years? That’s troublesome. Do you think there might be something hidden inside? Wasn’t there something going on in North Africa about that time…?

    _______________________________________________________________________

    May be druides are same as witches, after all. 🙂

    I got a giggle from your comment and I checked what happened the year my mum bought it and sew stuff for it.

    Well, yes, funnily enough, the same year was the “disagreement” between France and Tunisia and they fired guns in the city I was in. Yesterday I saw a journalistic film documentary taken on a boat after it arrived in France the same year. The journalist says that the people coming out of the boat are families escaped in emergency from Tunisia. On it a man who lived in the same city as us, tells the journalist he took the boat in emergency because the Tunisian people were attacking the French people in that city.

    I fell off my chair!

    I was 6 years old though, I should remember; I remember things way before than that
    But I remember hearing gun shots in the street after my mother died and I asked what it was
    My father said
    “Nothing, they are celebrating their independence”
    I said “ but with gun shots?”
    he said ”Stay here you will be fine”
    So I went to sit on the floor by his legs.

    I see with my mind eyes our cook crying and begging to take her with us. She ran after the car when we pulled off.
    She had helped taking care of my mother while she was dying, she was saying we were her children.

    I have the memory of that woman pulling her numerous long skirts up in the kitchen and presenting her butt to my sister and saying with energy
    “Come on, J, do it on me, come on don’t be coward, I am made of steel nothing wrong will happen to me”

    And my sister, 21 years old, who was teaching herself to give shots in an orange, suddenly said
    “OK”
    And she tried her first shot on this woman’s but.

    I was fascinated by both women.

    Then our cook pushed J towards my mother’ bedroom
    “come on you can do it, you are very good, I did not feel anything, come on you can’t hurt her, you will relieve her“

    Finally J opened the bed room door. I tried to slip in, but bad luck, J caught me before I could and pushed me back out, got in the bed room and shut the door.
    She gave my mother her first morphine shot.

    Our cook hugged me tied and kissed me
    “your sweet mummy is going to feel sooo good, she is going to be happy with this shot, don’t worry.”
    And she said “Come, I’ll let you feed JM”
    That was a privilege I was wanting so much.
    JM was my brother, he was 13 months old.

    I loved that woman.
    Her name has regularly popped back in my mind at awkward times, with no warnings.

    So we drove off and I felt we were abandoning the woman to her death or something, I felt overwhelmed.
    Yesterday I realized I don’t see the boat in my souvenirs. I blanked out from the minute the car drives off until the minute I meet my Mother’s mother in France a week later. My souvenirs start again when our eyes meet.

    Years later, in another country, I was learning by heart historical dates in school. One of them was Tunisia independence date.
    The date was not at all the year I heard the shot guns.
    But by then I had been trained to not try to make pieces of the puzzle fit. So I never asked.

    Now I wonder if what was happening in our street that day was the events the man refers to in the documentary film and my father did his best to keep me calm.

    And, SLV, for the fun of it:
    I don’t know if you heard of what happened in North Africa this ongoing year?
    Tunisia went under a revolution.
    Guns were shot in the streets after decades of silence.
    And here I was making that doll come back to life on this blog.

    🙂

    Which is the proof nothing means nothing. But we sure can make things mean what we want to.

    Xxx



  208.  #209Brenda on July 15, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Plum,

    RE: #197 – Thank you, I had emailed and called everyone I knew asking for help when I was living in my car. She is someone I know from church, and we were barely acquainted. They took me in out of kindness. And they really are kind people. I don’t think she realizes how harshly she comes across sometimes. The fact is, they are giving me a place to live when no one else would, because of my dogs. And, even tho they knew my dogs are dog-aggressive, they took me in anyway: they have a 12 lb poodle! It really was selfless. I just feel like I’m being treated like a pawn on her chessboard sometimes. Ugh.



  209.  #210Brenda on July 15, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Lilybelle,

    RE: #207 – Thanks! She sent me a brief email saying she feels sad I feel this way. She said she is pretty busy today and we can talk about it tomorrow. I feel really tense, despite her husband’s email that everything is ok and I am welcome here.

    I need and want a job yesterday!



  210.  #211Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 9:21 am

    Brenda, I hope you find a job soon. It can really stink not having one, that is for sure. Do you live in a small town? I know that can make it more difficult sometimes.



  211.  #212Starla on July 15, 2011 at 9:28 am

    What do when you’re feeling overwhelmed with emotion at work with little privacy? still haven’t heard from ‘my guy’ and feeling angry, sad, rejected, abandoned.

    and FREAKED OUT about seeing Old Flame tonight.

    so not feeling centered.

    what i really want to do is cry in the bathroom for a bit, but i can’t seem to bring myself to do it. blah.



  212.  #213Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 9:41 am

    RE 209 Can I encourage you to focus on the bigger picture?



  213.  #214Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 9:45 am

    RE 212 Starla I have sat right at my desk and cried. I have also seen another colleague, when the hurricane hit Grenada several years ago and she could not hear from her mother she sat at her desk and cried. If anyone asks me I would just say I am feeling overwhelmed about something personal. It is vulnerable and people tend to understand. I don’t care what they think anyway.



  214.  #215Dorothea on July 15, 2011 at 10:01 am

    I work in a small company of 8 people on an open floor, and I am the 9th. And the only woman here. Lol.



  215.  #216Dorothea on July 15, 2011 at 10:01 am

    I bet I would be happier in a work environment where I wasn’t the only source of estrogen haha



  216.  #217Starla on July 15, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Ugggh, I really suck at the new user name thing. I may need to try again lol.



  217.  #218Starla on July 15, 2011 at 10:14 am

    I feel trapped
    like my options right now are to chase down a guy who isn’t right for a serious relationship right now, and commit, or lose him forever by taking care of me and keeping my options open and focusing on my own life 95% of the time.

    goddamnit.

    maybe it’s time to delete all HIS friends from my facebook and move the eff on.

    though..it’s only been less than 2 weeks since we last talked. i’m not feeling right about shutting the door and locking it. i want to be able to give someone space without punishing them for taking it.

    oh i feel confused and hurt and sad



  218.  #219Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 10:16 am

    @212: Starla says:
    …what i really want to do is cry in the bathroom for a bit, but i can’t seem to bring myself to do it. blah…”

    Go for a walk. Take some tissue with you and away you go…. let the tears fall. I live in a large city, people will give you privacy as long as you are walking along normally. (But if you fall on the sidewalk or lean against a building sobbing somebody will ask,,, “are you OK, lady?”) As long as you are moving right along you’ll be fine.

    Also, moving the body gets the good feeling body chemicals up and running. Another plus is you will probably see something to make you smile, a newborn baby in a carriage, a spunky dog, shoes on sale!!! And you can stop and buy yourself a little treat: new flavor sugarless gum, a magazine, lottery tickets. You can even practice the 5-second gaze on the way back after the tears are cleaned up.

    You cannot do any of the above in a ladies restroom stall.

    Hugs.

    xoxo



  219.  #220Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 10:26 am

    @208: Plum

    Wonderful, heartfelt memories. You’ve led a wonderful life.

    xoxo



  220.  #221Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 10:41 am

    218: Starla says:

    I feel trapped
    like my options right now are to chase down a guy who isn’t right for a serious relationship right now, and commit, or lose him forever by taking care of me and keeping my options open and focusing on my own life 95% of the time.

    goddamnit.

    maybe it’s time to delete all HIS friends from my facebook and move the eff on.

    though..it’s only been less than 2 weeks since we last talked. i’m not feeling right about shutting the door and locking it. i want to be able to give someone space without punishing them for taking it.

    oh i feel confused and hurt and sad

    ______________________________________________________-

    Better to be home alone, than not and wishing you were.

    I know a woman who was in effect CDing two guys. At first they didn’t know about each other. The one she preferred wasn’t moving as fast as the other guy.

    So she started pressing the first guy a bit. But he was in the military and due to get out soon, and he wanted to go home first, get a job, and then see where things sat. She of course didn’t trust this. But he had his reasons. He had seen a lot of divorces in his family and didn’t want to add to that so he wanted to move very slow on that.

    Guy #2 seemed to understand the situation a bit, seemed to know that he was #2. Or maybe he didn’t, but he did know about #1.

    He made a bit of a show, crying in his car in her driveway before leaving. She feared losing both and being alone, so she went by the attitude that it was better to take #2 than to end up with nobody.

    Things were great for a while and they got married. But whether it was his true personality finally coming to the fore or whether the whole thing with guy #1 affected him, the simple fact is he became a bit of a jealous tyrant. Even went so far as feeling the hood of her car and checking the mileage every day. Eventually they got divorced.

    So the moral of the story is, don’t be too quick to jump on #2 just because you fear both #1 and #2 disappearing on you.

    She did find out later that #1’s intentions were true, that he did intend to keep the relationship going, but didn’t want to be fully committed at a time when he was going through such a big transition.



  221.  #222Dorothea on July 15, 2011 at 10:45 am

    thanks slv
    i will do this in an hour or so on my lunch break



  222.  #223Dorothea on July 15, 2011 at 10:46 am

    son of a…
    so much for new found internet privacy



  223.  #224Kyla on July 15, 2011 at 10:50 am

    217

    If you clear your browsing history it may get rid of the old username in the ‘leave a comment’ box so you can put in your new one? Or maybe its something else you need to clear, I’m not 100% sure.

    xx



  224.  #225Starla on July 15, 2011 at 10:59 am

    Finally, problema fixed.



  225.  #226Brenda on July 15, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Rusty,

    RE: #211 – Thanks, i am in a good location for jobs. Any day now…



  226.  #227Starla on July 15, 2011 at 11:03 am

    Rusty, I intend to stay truly single (not just in name alone) until labor day.

    this means, i only see a guy 1 or 2 times a week, if that.

    this means, i don’t cancel activities of my own to spend time with him

    this means, i don’t stay out late on ‘school nights’ to spend time with him

    hmm, anything else you would add to my “this means…” list?



  227.  #228Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 11:15 am

    @199: Plum says:
    “..bungee cord for rubber band man…
    He he…”

    LOL 😆



  228.  #229Queenbee on July 15, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Hey Sirens,

    What do you think of this FM?

    “I’m feeling unclear about our meeting tomorrow (Or I’m feeling weird). I don’t want to talk biz on Saturday. What do you think?”

    Coffee date with a man I met through biz. He’s been hinting at both – biz and pleasure. He’s a potential CD and I don’t want to be my boy energy with him.

    Thanks!

    xoxo



  229.  #230Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 11:18 am

    227: Starla

    I say so long as you are just taking care of yourself, you are doing just fine. Just do what you feel is right and everything will work out as it should.



  230.  #231Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 11:28 am

    229: Queenbee says:

    What do you think of this FM?

    “I’m feeling unclear about our meeting tomorrow (Or I’m feeling weird). I don’t want to talk biz on Saturday. What do you think?”

    __________________________________________________________

    I’ve been thinking about this since Ella posted her IM’s with J. What I think I have come to the realization is that FM’s should be written out carefully. Make sure the word used is not one that triggers negative feelings in the man you are trying to communicate with.

    So the above looks good so long as you don’t go with the “weird” comment.

    With Ella, I think it would have been better for her to say “nervous” rather than “scared.” Maybe the best way to do this is to write it out, then imagine a guy you like saying it to you. Does it trigger anything in you? How would it make you feel to receive such a message.

    I see nothing wrong with yours. it seems fine so long as you drop the part in parenthesis.

    Maybe this can be better worded like this, however:

    About our meeting tomorrow, I would enjoy myself more if we don’t talk biz on Saturday? Would that be OK with you?



  231.  #232Starla on July 15, 2011 at 11:29 am

    LOL, Rusty, it hasn’t worked out yet.

    I get sucked in.

    I have this great skill of making guys fall for me very fast (thanks Rori! heh).

    If I’m interested in them for dating, and they are hooked on me, I will get sucked in very easily. Even if I try to keep my emotional distance and take my time, it never works. Next thing you know we’re attached at the hip…loving the intensity and the chemistry before I know it’s truly right.

    I’ll say it’s not serious, and i’ll tell him i don’t want to be exclusive, but they’re just words. in practice, i am as hooked as he is.

    i get too scared i will lose a guy’s affections if he comes on strong early on and consistently, but i resist in any way (for example, not spending so much time with him, having to turn down invitations because i want to go to the gym, etc.). So i just let myself get sucked in.

    And look how much I have lost doing that. I am heart broken over this guy. And when I try to take space now, he interprets it as I don’t care for him. And there is a cycle of punishment.

    I’m sorry, I am rambling.

    So much on my brain and heart.



  232.  #233Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 11:30 am

    @229: Queenbee says:
    “…What do you think of this FM?
    “I’m feeling unclear about our meeting tomorrow (Or I’m feeling weird). I don’t want to talk biz on Saturday. What do you think?”,,,”

    I wondered if the next line might be… “get on over here and kiss me!…?

    Are you asking him because you are not sure if it’s a business meeting or a “romantic date?” Or if he’s only a “Potential CD” as you mentioned, you are now taking over and setting your own objective for the meeting. If you are doing this….I believe that IS what’s called “boy energy.”

    I believe Rori says you can experiment with “boy energy” if you want to see how it works for you.

    xoxo



  233.  #234Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 11:46 am

    232: Starla says:

    LOL, Rusty, it hasn’t worked out yet.

    I get sucked in.

    I have this great skill of making guys fall for me very fast (thanks Rori! heh).

    If I’m interested in them for dating, and they are hooked on me, I will get sucked in very easily. Even if I try to keep my emotional distance and take my time, it never works. Next thing you know we’re attached at the hip…loving the intensity and the chemistry before I know it’s truly right.

    I’ll say it’s not serious, and i’ll tell him i don’t want to be exclusive, but they’re just words. in practice, i am as hooked as he is.

    i get too scared i will lose a guy’s affections if he comes on strong early on and consistently, but i resist in any way (for example, not spending so much time with him, having to turn down invitations because i want to go to the gym, etc.). So i just let myself get sucked in.

    And look how much I have lost doing that. I am heart broken over this guy. And when I try to take space now, he interprets it as I don’t care for him. And there is a cycle of punishment.

    I’m sorry, I am rambling.

    So much on my brain and heart.

    ______________________________________________________-

    Just my opinion Starla but I don’t think you should beat yourself up over this. Seems to me that you are just fine. You are sweet and genuine person and you have a strong capacity to love. I don’t think it matters whether you throw the doors open quickly or wait a long time to do so and here is why. Until the enemy is inside your castle, he isn’t going to show his true colors. So long as he is outside those castle walls, he will put up a front, if he has bad intentions. In other words, it is hard to tell who is who, friend from foe.

    By allowing them, buy giving them your love, you find out their true character, and it can still take a long time from there to truly learn who they are. But there are no guarantees. Just don’t let somebody taint your outlook on life and ruin you for a good guy in your future.

    Seems to me that you are just true to yourself. Don’t change that. By being as you are, eventually a great guy is going to come along and by being open, you set the stage for good things to develop.

    Somebody once wrote about divorce being lower in societies with arranged marriages. Katrina I believe. OK well many people it as a bad thing and I will agree that I want no part of arranged marriages, but one thing I wonder is if the reason for the much lower divorce rate isn’t because or more than just their society frowning on it. Maybe there is just less damaged emotions because everyone isn’t an emotional wreck over multiple failed relationships. Maybe this simply allows them to be more pure of heart and intention in their relationships, for the most part. I don’t know, but I do think that it is better for us if we don’t bring our baggage to the next relationship. Don’t allow bad people to scare us into not being ourselves.

    You seem just fine to me. Don’t change that would be my advice.



  234.  #235Daria on July 15, 2011 at 11:53 am

    ladies – incredible! vibe switch ala ABRAHAM + EFT came through AGAIN!

    so last nite, i imagined what i would be feeling if i had the fun stuff happening — like if 2 men were calling trying to take me out

    well… 2 men did show up online to point out clubs and to invite me places

    and i was feeling sleepy so i said “not tonite” thank you so much…

    AND THEN!!!!

    i called back one of the men… and wound up going out at 2 in hte morning!!!!

    and he was handsome!

    wow!

    and now hes gonna take me out tonite and any nite…

    wooooo!!!

    can you believe it

    i really thought i was going to sleep last nite

    i had my night gown on and everything!

    wow!

    that didnt happen till i got back at like 4 am!



  235.  #236Amazing ME on July 15, 2011 at 11:56 am

    So I am feeling a little lost, I am waiting for the Ohio Board of nursing to ok me to take my boards! I feel like it is taking forever, my boss has yet to return my call, and I need to earn money like yesterday. I feel your pain Brenda in the job area. I am going nuts here and it’s just a holding pattern. I feel like I am watching the clock tick and waiting. Waiting for what, not sure yet. Something better, yes don’t we all but I am blessed to be where I am. Just having a low point, seems more of these low points in the recent days.Thing is I could go out…gets old, could CD but who…I don’t want to go looking for some man. I want him to show up in my life damn it…lol..Sorry for being negative had to let it out!!



  236.  #237Starla on July 15, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Thanks for the nice words of encouragement, Rusty

    In other news, I haven’t had a pimple in over a month, which is amazing because i have had terrible, terrible skin since I was about 11. And of course, now that I am meeting this guy tonight, I am getting pimples! ahhhhhhh



  237.  #238Amazing ME on July 15, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    I am 31 and feel like I am old…I mean sexually I miss sex but yet I can do without it and that is scarey. Can I lose my drive so early please say it isn’t so, I used to love sex! How do I get my mojo back? That is what I want someone to tell me! How do I get unstuck and be the happy carefree girl. I grew up and it’s like I sucked all the fun out of my own party..wtf.



  238.  #239Shar lean way back on July 15, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Plum your story was beautiful. It would make a great novel then movie/



  239.  #240Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    @238: Amazing ME says:
    “…I am 31 and feel like I am old…I mean sexually I miss sex but yet I can do without it and that is scarey…”

    I’m curious. How does that feel?

    😀



  240.  #241Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    People get things in their heads…and they don’t seem able to remove them… 😯



  241.  #242Daria on July 15, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    lol i read this on a guy’s status online:

    “”Chilvary isn’t dead. Its just tired of being stuck in the friendzone” lol!



  242.  #243AmazingMe on July 15, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    @240…umm, it sucks!! I am pullin out my hair over here! I could go get it easily yes but this is a whole different ballgame for me. I want more so I get none at the moment..those who wait patiently…yup patient lol that is so not me I take care of patients, I have NONE.



  243.  #244Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    242: Daria says:

    lol i read this on a guy’s status online:

    “”Chilvary isn’t dead. Its just tired of being stuck in the friendzone” lol!

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    OK, now that’s funny, I don’t care who ya are. 😀



  244.  #245Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    @243: AmazingMe says:
    “..@240…umm, it sucks!!…”

    That’s odd. Do you think it could be a brain tumor? Have you had a check-up lately?

    Hugs.

    😀



  245.  #246Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Has Skype been hacked/cracked lately? Anyone else having a problem with it?



  246.  #247kaitlyn on July 15, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Daria,

    Get outta Times Sq and go to the LES (lower east side) if you want to meet guys your age and see new stuff that’s not chain/franchise whatever.



  247.  #248kaitlyn on July 15, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    i miss the old city the way it used to be- seedy, diverse, interesting, not so expensive.



  248.  #249kaitlyn on July 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    i haven’t read anything addressed to me yet. time crunch. at work.



  249.  #250Ella on July 15, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    SLV re 246

    No, but having issues with Facebook.

    xx



  250.  #251Ella on July 15, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    Hey Everyone,

    Thanks so much for all the compliments on my Zumba link.

    xoxox



  251.  #252Ella on July 15, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Plum,

    Thank you.

    And yes I am intending to focus on me and remember there is more than just 1 guy in the world!!

    I have enough happening in my life… and learning a LOT.

    Like to go easy on the FMs on IM.

    And I love that every day is a chance to turn it all around.

    xoxox



  252.  #253Ella on July 15, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    Today I was at work and feeling cranky.

    In a real funk.

    And I felt unsure how to shift my vibe.

    But it has shifted now.



  253.  #254AmazingMe on July 15, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    @245 SLV really….OMG! Ya think….It’s not a flippin tumor!!!…. but you made a funny and I did …LOL!!



  254.  #255Nikita on July 15, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Wait, Daria?
    Are u in new York?
    I want to see u!!



  255.  #256FlowerChild77 on July 15, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Ella,

    I wanted to comment on your video, also. You look fabulous! You’re beautiful, sexy and look like you love/have fun being in your body!! And THAT is something men are attracted to! 🙂



  256.  #257Nikita on July 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    I can show u les 🙂



  257.  #258Mel on July 15, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    I need some encouragement/courage ladies (and gent)… :p

    Tonight there’s a swing dancing thingie (like 1940’s style lindy-hop). Free lesson and social dance afterwards. I used to do this kind of dancing a long time ago. I’m small so it’s easy for me to get tossed around. I forget a bunch of the steps, but remember the basics.

    I’m nervous about “getting out there.” I’m SO not interested in any kind of relationship right now, and I’m still feeling SO low right now after all that has happened.

    My confidence is in the gutter and I don’t know if going to this will just make me feel worse. What if no one asks me to dance? What if guys can pick up on my negative vibes?

    Blah… I know it would be good for me to get out and do something, but I’m feeling scared.

    Help!!!



  258.  #259DE on July 15, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Hmm….it feels bad being told “u seem defensive…” when i expressed feeling bad feeling pulled into debates with men…

    i still wonder why? was it me? or was him projecting his feelings onto me?

    this led me saying…”i feel good expressing my feelings, thoughts, beliefs…yet, i don’t feel good feeling as if I am challenged ….it places me in a masculine demeanor…competitive dialogue…

    Expressing means to me being…in all possible ways…feminine me…feeling accepted for how I feel, my boundaries…It is not about being right or wrong in a conversation…is accepting our differences and place in our lives…it about honoring these differences…

    I feel appreciative for his boldness to speak his mind…it felt good to notice he has been paying attention to our back and forth communications for the past two years…and he is noticing the changes in me…it feels good he is curious…although, i feel afraid sharing as much as i did the last couple of times…

    I am trying not to “freak out” since my nvs are butting in…”he will feel unsafe to ask me questions…or talk to me…or that i have become all weird…?!…oh, no…that feels really scary…:(

    he mentioned that i used to be great at conversing with him in the past ab all kinds of topics…i said, yes…but i was not honest about how i felt discussing them…he was surprised…so, i felt like i had to explain …i can talk to any man about anything…yet, that was not expressing…bouncing back and forth beliefs/ideas/disagreements the way “he was used to me”…was the competitive masculine me…where i wanted to prove myself “worthy”, “smart”…”cool”…”can handle type of thing”…

    but the masculine side of a woman (assuming is predominant) creates boredom for a man and resentment for a woman in a long term relationship …that is why many don’t last…using the “masculine” interaction with a man these days gives me a quick impact in getting a man’s attention …but is all short term…

    I don’t recall having so much of dialogue about this topic with any man…i feel afraid of loneliness…not accepted…judged…:(

    I love my fears…i love my courage to stay true to myself…honor my feelings despite feeling uncomfortable and afraid…

    My journey is just beginning…



  259.  #260Queenbee on July 15, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    RE 233 – Thanks SLV.

    I went with I’m feeling weird. I was feeling weird. I actually feel better now. It’s coz men in my town seem to cover up romantic interest by appearing to not come on strong and I get the feeling he’s been doing that. I agree the ‘potential CD’ was boy energy I let off on the Island. He’s been stepping up and I don’t want to be confused and end up looking like an ‘idiot’ – so my nvs. Perhaps that was the vulnerable part – not knowing…

    maybe it is ‘get over here and kiss me’ – so that’s clingy needy…

    No, it’s really just feeling weird about not being clear and not wanting to show up for the “wrong” meeting so to speak.

    I’m noticing how sensitive I am. This feels like one of those sensitivities.

    Rusty – Rori says that it’s not our responsibility to worry about our partner’s feelings. I do agree with both points though. Not everything needs to be expressed and that’s where I would consider if it’s something I can just let go of rather than ‘re-word’ what I feel because of him.

    Other than that, I went with the feeling weird before I saw your message. It was truly what I felt and I decided to go with it.

    Another thing, I don’t want to contemplate FM’s all night long. That just seems counter-productive.

    I honestly need to give things just the right amount of energy and no more.

    Thanks again!

    xoxo



  260.  #261Ella on July 15, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    Awww thanks Flowerchild.

    I am feeling quite good in my body atm… I have a last few pounds I still want to lose, but I am going to be happy anyway in the meantime.

    xoxox



  261.  #262DE on July 15, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Nikita:

    U should text Daria for a quicker response…:)

    Warm hugs,



  262.  #263Ella on July 15, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Hmmm,

    I feel unsure.

    Guy on POF, looks great, tall, hansome, sounds cool etc…

    And he said, in about 2nd or 3rd message, that I am his perfect match. And we have not even spoken.

    I feel unsure and suspicious and said I felt unsure when people say stuff like tha before they have met and that also he lives far away.

    He said he is willing to move tomorrow as he is looking for the one for marriage and children… I tick all the right boxes and that you don’t know unless you try.

    Anyone else feeling a bit freaked or put off by this or is it just me?



  263.  #264marina on July 15, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Ok…so this is kinda weird… I just read Darias quote on Chivalry. Then I switched to my FB and the first thing I see is Neill Strauss saying The Game can be used by women too. And he has this example of a deleted scene of the movie Serendipity in which Jonathan gets cubed.
    And one of the first things Jonathan ( Cusack) says…is… ‘Chivalry isn’t dead’…

    Weeeeeeeiiiiiirdddd



  264.  #265DE on July 15, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Yes, Marina…synchronicity feels weird…doesn’t it? I had something similar happening to me this morning on fb too…about something else of course 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  265.  #266Starla on July 15, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    my whole life and experience is synchronicity at its finest when i allow it all in <3



  266.  #267DE on July 15, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Oh, yes Starla…that feels like surrendering 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  267.  #268Ella on July 15, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Love Serendipity! 🙂



  268.  #269Ella on July 15, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Now got the following style of message from a diff guy:

    Hiya …hope yr good…Wanted to say hello as you caught my eye …like
    yr profile seems ok..no sign of anything
    crasy…Can i ask are you sincere..?? hope so..as i couldn’t resist saying
    hello as you seem lovely..

    Hmmm, is it me or is that just one huge red flag?

    Not sure if I am being judgemental and negative and I get REALLY triggered when guys talk about women being crazu straight away and say stuff like ‘are there no nice, normal girls out there?’

    Is it only me who feels put off by this kinda thing.

    Shall I just not respond or shall I practice being honest?

    Hmmm.



  269.  #270Jeannette on July 15, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Please understand grief is necessary when a loved one passes. I know Steve wants me to be happy but he would also understand if the roles were reversed. It’s just a part of being human. I am going to let myself feel this as long as it takes.



  270.  #271Ella on July 15, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    I dunno… I mean he asks some sweet stuff too. Never know if I am being too closed with these guys.

    Just feels ick to me.



  271.  #272Ella on July 15, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    Jeanette,

    Big hugs.

    You take as long as you need. xx



  272.  #273marina on July 15, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Hi DE! How are you? There is a lot of Serendipity going on lately and I feel very grateful. Like somebody is watching over me and sending me hugs in some way. Before when somethings like these would happen I would get all ‘this all has to mean something, these are clues for what direction I should be following…or like an acknowledgement I must be on the right path or something…

    Now I just want to receive and accept it. Smile and be grateful.

    I remember you mentioned something about chakras? I believe it was you ?

    Are you familiair with Linda Keen? I am rereading her book Intuition magic: Understanding your psychic nature. She has some very powerful and simple techniques to help protect you and clear up.I did some of the techniques with a friend of mine. Like imaging a rose in front of your third eye that is filled with all the thoughts and emotions that have passed through you (also from other people) and then letting that rose explode. you can use as many roses as you like. She also teaches techniques to feel grounded, to feel attached to and supported by the earth. I tend to get in my head easily. it felt like i finally was me again when I did that technique. Also to stop worrying: imagine a warm golden or orange ball in your stomach (3rd chakra) that is expanding and radiating light. Try it. Somehow your focus has shifted and you are out of your head.

    Linda Keen gives workshops in Sacramento and here in Amsterdam. Attending one of her workshops is on my wishlist.

    I am going to see if she is on youtube too 🙂

    XXX marina



  273.  #274Ella on July 15, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Hmmm,

    Rori says not to ask them back how they are when they ask us.

    I have noticed that often a guy will reply with ‘I am good too thanks’ even though I didn’t ask them and to me it comes over as he has noticed I didn’t ask and thinks I am rude…

    Do others get triggered like this?



  274.  #275Ella on July 15, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Also often when I suggest phone really soon… like when they ask how I like to chat… and I say I feel best with on phone or in person, feels more real…

    As per Rori suggests.

    And have noticed this sometimes seems to put them off.. and they don’t pursue from there.

    And it feels almost like I am cutting the chase, which feels masc, so feel really unsure about this.

    And I am sure it is Christian C who talks about tension building with flirty e-mails etc…

    And on the other hand I don’t want hours of e-mail communication with loads of guys that never leads to anything.

    Do other Sirens have any ideas about these issues?



  275.  #276mali on July 15, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    @ Daria 242

    Love it! That made me LOL 😀



  276.  #277Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    @254: AmazingMe says:
    “…@245 SLV really….OMG! Ya think….It’s not a flippin tumor!!!…. but you made a funny and I did …LOL!!…”

    Tumors are not funny for me.



  277.  #278Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    Ella, not sure why Rori says not to ask back. Some guys do pay attention to things like that. I mean have you heard of the door lock test? The guy goes to the passenger side and unlocks the door and opens it for her. She gets in and if she leans over and unlocks the driver’s door for you, that’s a good thing. If she doesn’t, ditch her as fast as possible.

    So yeah, I can see some guys, but not all picking up on the fact that you never inquire about how they are doing in return. If other women the know, or are “CDing” do ask, I would think it will not look good for you.

    Now maybe you don’t want to get carried away with the inquiry and all that but I fail to see the harm in him asking how you have been doing and you say “I’ve been doing goo, how have you been?”

    If there is a valid reason for not doing this, I am all ears. But it doesn’t make sense to me.



  278.  #279marina on July 15, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Rusty 194.
    Thank you! Well more happened between S and me than meets the eye (haha is that an english expression? I am not a native speaker so I think I can get away with some creativity 😉 But you nailed it on the head by pointing out the power grab.Friends have pointed that out to me too. Hmmm. I do sometimes just lay down as a doormat saying it is all my fault please step upon me. ugh…



  279.  #280Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    260: Queenbee says:

    Rusty – Rori says that it’s not our responsibility to worry about our partner’s feelings. I do agree with both points though. Not everything needs to be expressed and that’s where I would consider if it’s something I can just let go of rather than ‘re-word’ what I feel because of him.

    Other than that, I went with the feeling weird before I saw your message. It was truly what I felt and I decided to go with it.

    Another thing, I don’t want to contemplate FM’s all night long. That just seems counter-productive.

    I honestly need to give things just the right amount of energy and no more.

    Thanks again!

    xoxo

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    It seems weird to me that you wouldn’t ever take into consideration how words might make a guy feel. Feels like bad advice to me. Now I can agree that you shouldn’t be so concerned that you can’t express yourself.

    But think about this.

    Queenbee, I feel weird about spending time with you tonight.

    Queenbee, I feel nervous about spending time ith you tonight.

    OK< I don't know how those two sentences made you feel, but I know the first one would make me feel weird about spending time with you had you said it to me, but the second one would make me genuinely curious and want to explore your feelings with you. See what I mean? My humble opinion is that the first one would set a bad vibe for me while the second one would draw me in closer and want to find out why you feel nervous.

    Smae thing with Ella's situation. If I were her date and she told me she felt scared about spending time with me, it would cause a bad vibe for me. However, if she said, "I feel nervous about spending time with you tonight." it would feel different and make me inquire as to why, which allow us to discuss how she feels, and what her boundaries are, and allow me to assure her that I will respect her boundaries.

    Just my opinion though…what do I know.



  280.  #281Ella on July 15, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Hmmm, I feel annoyed and full of contempt for the door lock test.

    It wouldn’t occur to me to do that… and I am a recovering over-functioner and people pleaser who made it my life’s mission to be ‘nice’ and polite.

    Besides aren’t most cars central locking these days?



  281.  #282Mel on July 15, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Sirens & Rusty!!!!

    I need some siren-y advice! Re: 258

    Have not been single in a LONG time!



  282.  #283Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    @260: Queenbee says:
    “….maybe it is ‘get over here and kiss me’ – so that’s clingy needy… ”

    I’d think of it more as an assertive fun attitude… depending but I don’t think I’d say those words to someone I hadn’t known for a while. Nor tell him I don’t want to talk business if I didn’t know “purpose” of meeting. I’d assume I’d find out what was being offered when I showed up for the “date.”

    I like talking biz so I’d enjoy myself either way with the prospect of making a new friend or joint venture partner. I’m not looking for romance or an instant relationship on first date. But I know that a lot of people are and they go through and discard a lot of first dates… so it depends upon what one is seeking. I’m open to meeting people and getting to know them.

    Rori encourages more than one date unless the man is repulsive and I think there is something good to be said for doing that.

    😀



  283.  #284Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Mel

    I would go. I know how you feel while thinking about it before you get there, but when you are there, I predict you will have a completely different vibe. Just go to have fun with no expectations on anything. Who says you have to find a new man…just go to have fun.

    You never know what lies ahead, but don’t allow any opportunities slip by because you would rather sit at home. Just go and enjoy yourself. You never know when you will meet somebody that will change your life. not necessarily a relationship, but maybe a new boss, or a friend.

    predict that you will have a good time at the minimum…so what’s that worth? So my advice is to go and have a good time.



  284.  #285Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    @274: Ella says:
    “…he has noticed I didn’t ask and thinks I am rude…
    Do others get triggered like this?…”

    No. I haven’t found those kinds of triggers. Perhaps what you described is the “new feminine” and I’m not too much of that it seems. I usually observe the little social niceties… if someone says “goodnight” to me, I wish them as well… etc.

    I live as a princess but I don’t believe I’m a brat or very “feminine” by “leaning way back” when someone comes toward me. I do what suits me for better or worse.

    😀



  285.  #286Mel on July 15, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Thanks Rusty! 🙂

    Eeek! I’m scared of men! LOL



  286.  #287Mel on July 15, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    What if someone DOES ask me to dance… That might even be MORE frightening. LOL

    Wanna come Rusty? Help keep the creepy ones away? 😉



  287.  #288Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    @286: Mel

    Re: the dancing. I knew a woman years ago who loved to dance and thought nothing of going out without a partner. If nobody asked her to dance right away, she get right up and stand at the edge of the dance floor and dance by herself! She usually got asked.

    😀



  288.  #289Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    …she would get right up and stand at the edge of the dance floor and dance by herself!…



  289.  #290Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    @270: Jeannette

    Are you still on the bike?

    😀



  290.  #291Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    281: Ella says:

    Hmmm, I feel annoyed and full of contempt for the door lock test.

    It wouldn’t occur to me to do that… and I am a recovering over-functioner and people pleaser who made it my life’s mission to be ‘nice’ and polite.

    Besides aren’t most cars central locking these days?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Ella, it would seem to me that one would want to learn to function on an even keel, not over functioning, and not under functioning. I am new to all of this and maybe what is going on here is that women who are over functioners are being taught to under function as a way of getting to stop falling back on over functioning. I don’t know, just guessing.

    But the point here is that not every last bit of advice is going to work for everyone and for good reason. Not all men know of that test either. But many do and talk about it. And yes, technology may have changed this a bit, so be aware. If he has the ability to unlock all of the doors by way of pushing a little button, but he walks you to the door, unlocks it with the key, and then walks around the car…if his door is still locked, he may be testing you. handle that as you will. You can get bent out of shape over it, or you can be brighter and realize, “Hey, this guy is actually looking for a keeper.” Doesn’t matter if YOU think the test is cheesy, the point is, he is looking for a woman who is not too self centered. A woman who is considerate.

    Most men I have heard talk about this feel that a first date like that, everyone is on pins and needles and going out of their way to put their best foot forward and if the girl can’t even step out of herself long enough to realize that she can help him out by unlocking the door, then she is not very considerate.

    You are right though, technology has changed and pretty much every car now comes with electronic locks. But not all do. And many older cars don’t have them. So if his door is locked, lean over and unlock it. What does it cost you? I can assure you though that he will notice, and even if he doesn’t, somebody may ask, and he will feel good to report that yes, you did indeed lean over and unlock his door.

    Doing this does not make you a doormat. Most men aren’t looking for a doormat, but also aren’t looking to be a doormat.

    Here is is talked about in a movie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lNNUl9jrzw



  291.  #292Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    288: Senior Lady Vibe says:

    @286: Mel

    Re: the dancing. I knew a woman years ago who loved to dance and thought nothing of going out without a partner. If nobody asked her to dance right away, she get right up and stand at the edge of the dance floor and dance by herself! She usually got asked.

    😀

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    As a man, I can assure you that is like a neon sign saying “OPEN.” You feel more confident about asking her to dance. The absolute worst for a guy is when a woman is sitting at a table with a bunch of other women. Man that feels like entering into no man’s land. Not sure why but it just seems far more intimidating to ask a woman to dance when she is surrounded by her friends than if she is by herself.

    Usually didn’t stop me, but it just felt more intimidating.



  292.  #293Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    287: Mel says:

    What if someone DOES ask me to dance… That might even be MORE frightening. LOL

    Wanna come Rusty? Help keep the creepy ones away? 😉

    +++++++++++++++++++++++

    LOL, if I lived nearby, I would be honored to, but alas, you are on your own with this one. Not to worry though, you’ll have a lot of fun. Find some women to hang with and they can run interference for you. 😉



  293.  #294Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    @291: Rusty says:
    “…Here is is talked about in a movie…

    Here it is in action…

    Well, don’t you want to see it? It just takes a little trip back in time to 667 East 187th Street, Bronx, New York…

    “A Bronx Tale” – The Door Test/ Full Version
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAJdqzRM6Dw&NR=1

    😀



  294.  #295Jeannette on July 15, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    Senior Lady Vibe, no currently I am not doing much of anything….not even house cleaning. Just wanting to lay around when I’m not at work giving 100 massages. I have zero energy at the moment. Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks already since Steve was called in for the transplant. I just can’t believe it….



  295.  #296AmazingMe on July 15, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    @277 Really SLV I was never implying I thought tumors were funny, a lil triggered by your comment but that is ok! You would have to be ignorant to think tumors are funny and though I am ignorant in some areas, that is not one of them! It is the context how you said it…I mean that is like hearing to me… oh your sex drive is gone maybe it’s a life altering disease!



  296.  #297Mel on July 15, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Ok… I’m all prettied up, and I’m off!

    Wish me luck! 🙂



  297.  #298Ella on July 15, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Rusty,

    I feel appreciative of your input and yet also I feel very tired of all this logical debate and intellectual discussion.

    What Rori is teaching us is to be so in touch with ourselves and our feelings that we can open that door for him too.

    That we can create a deep emotional bond and at the same time a safe place for both to exist.

    It is hard to explain over a PC and probably more something you would ‘feel’ and ‘get’ in the presence of a Siren.

    At least I believe this is how it works.

    For me it is not about functioning on a logical and sometimes what feels like shallow level.

    And so ‘door lock’ tests just feel off to me.

    I have an idea that if a man really feels it with/for me, and he can and is ready to go there, then he is not going to give a toss about an such test.

    Just my feeling about it.

    Although, I do sincerely believe in manners and appreciation when on a date and communicating with a man.

    It may just not look exactly like people expect it to.



  298.  #299Ella on July 15, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Good Luck Mel,

    Have fun! xx



  299.  #300nikita on July 15, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    i don’t have her number 🙁



  300.  #301Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    LOL, hey, no problem Ella, and for whatever it’s worth, I don’t believe in tests either. My point was to say that some guy might have listened to advice that says to do this test and pay attention to how you act. Like I said, guys too are getting advice, and it’s not all good.

    I myself go more by a feeling over time. A single test might not give accurate results but over time you will be able to tell if the person is right for you or not.



  301.  #302kaitlyn on July 15, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    My friends haven’t confirmed yet for our evening sched’d in a few hours. And now I’m wondering what would’ve made me appear more sane?

    1) defriending/blocking like i did or

    2) just calling him and saying I’ve noticed in the past few days that he’s seeing someone and why didn’t he tell me this before because surely they were having some sort of romantic exchange when he invited me to see him (pre-his ex fiancee drama.)



  302.  #303kaitlyn on July 15, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    I worried #2 would be too leaning forward and since it was such an un-mensch move to have me find out via fb status, I should have him find out I don’t want to deal with him anymore via fb.

    go ahead and say we weren’t dating; he owes me nothing. fine if he has a gf now, but my real issue is if they’re in a relationship since 2 days ago and saying they’re in love, obvsly, theyve been communicating romantically the same time he was communicating romantically with me.



  303.  #304kaitlyn on July 15, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    Yes, I do care how I appear to people. It’s social value.



  304.  #305Ladybug on July 15, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Being feminine means always showing good manners. A masculine man dislplays his chivalry naturally. Would I want to turn him off by failing in basic pleasantries and considerations? Would he want to bring such a cow around his friends and family? I think not. I will treat him like the rare prince he is! Yes, I reach over and unlock the driver’s door on these beautifully restored muscle cars. When someone asks after my wellbeing, I ask of theirs. It’s being part of polite society. It’s the grease that turns the water wheel.

    I am adjusting and getting comfortable with being in love with my Hayseed. We have an understanding. He knows I am CDing and trusts I want only him. He knows he’s taking a risk, but we ca’t be together until his house is finished. He is so busy with his work and rebuilding his house, we love our time together but it puts him behind on his time schedule. We spent 3 afternoons together last week and he had to hire another man to get caught up!

    I’ve tried to pare down the CDs, getting rid of the bad and marginal ones. I don’t want any that show any signs of rudeness to anyone, immaturity, insecurity or neediness. I don’t want any that don’t fit my lifestyle or resent horses or cows or teenagers. I don’t need to be rude to say good-bye. As I gently toss them aside more are stepping up and admitting long standing crushes, letting me know they’d like me to be their girlfriend. I treat them gently and like close friends. I get lots of hugs and asked for lots of dates. I don’t have time for all of them.

    Best of all, I’ve taught my autistic DD16 how to CD. She’s unstuck from CrushBoy who has another girlfriend and has lots of friends and boyfriends now. She’s the kind of girl who will get up and dance by herself when no one else is dancing and have everyone dancing with her within minutes! Tonight, we dance with the Indians in the street!



  305.  #306Butterfly Wings on July 15, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    Kaitlyn, he does NOT deserve your time and effort. He’s obviously “moved on” and for your sake, you need to as well.

    What benefit will you get from saying anything to him? I don’t think you’ll get anything and it’s possible you’ll feel worse if his reaction isn’t what you hoped.

    I’ve been in a very similar situation with a guy who said he didn’t want a relationship while actively pursuing another woman behind my back, saying he wanted a relationship with her. So no, he didn’t want a relationship… with me!

    As I posted here not long ago (from an email I received from another relationship coach who shall not be named)…. when you’re rejected by a guy, all you’ve lost is someone who didn’t want you in the first place, so it’s kind of like you’ve just lost cancer (or something else that’s horrible and you don’t need in your life).

    I think that’s a good way to look at it. He’s gone and made the room necessary for you to attract someone better.

    I was single 10 years ago with a 2 year old daughter and I was always up front about her because I figured if a guy couldn’t deal with me being a single mother then he wasn’t for me anyway.

    I actually had a guy make the lamest excuse to get away from me one night and I actually found it quite funny because he was so obvious. I chose not to be upset by the rejection because I knew it just wasn’t meant to be. And I figured it was HIS loss, not mine! 🙂

    It could just be (actually, I’m sure of it!) that A just isn’t the man for you because there’s someone a LOT better out there for you!

    Kaitlyn, you can do sooo much better!

    xx



  306.  #307Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    @296: AmazingMe says:
    @277
    “…Really SLV I was never implying I thought tumors were funny, a lil triggered by your comment but that is ok! You would have to be ignorant to think tumors are funny…”

    No, *sigh* the implication was that I thought tumors were funny and had made a … what you called …”funny.” Actually you didn’t “imply” you aggressively stated that I had. The LOL is yours not mine.

    Here’s the aggressive note you posted @ me:

    @254: AmazingMe says:
    @245 SLV really….OMG! Ya think….It’s not a flippin tumor!!!…. but you made a funny and I did …LOL!!

    You aren’t triggered anywhere near enough… 😯 I read what you wrote… “…I mean that is like hearing to me…”

    I am curious though if you talk to men the same way. I’m wondering what kinds of things you say and if men listen to you when you same them, do they think the same way? What kind of men are they? Curious. I bet there hordes of them. Vast hordes. At the gate…



  307.  #308Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    should be…

    …when you say them…

    Sweetie says “I told you to stay away from those people…”

    I know, I know…



  308.  #309kaitlyn on July 15, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    “I’ve been in a very similar situation with a guy who said he didn’t want a relationship while actively pursuing another woman behind my back, saying he wanted a relationship with her. So no, he didn’t want a relationship… with me!”

    Fair enough, but what about the weeks he re-connected with me BEFORE the ‘I’m not ready to be anyone’s bf’ ???

    Yes, I’m better off without him (still on edge about this), but I like lasting impressions of me to be good. I like guys to think “ok, i chose another girl, but kaitlyn had a graceful exit.”



  309.  #310Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    @306: Butterfly Wings

    😀



  310.  #311kaitlyn on July 15, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    306 Butterfly

    My #2 really meant saying I noticed there’s another chick strongly on his radar recently, very recently, and because of how I feel about you, we can’t be friends.



  311.  #312kaitlyn on July 15, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    should i have said that? or just blocking/defriending like i did, the right thing?

    i have this issue where no matter what i’m leaving (bf, friend, job, etc) i like to leave with a good lasting impression.



  312.  #313Lilybelle on July 15, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    Mel~

    Hope you are having a great time! And, GOOD on YOU for getting out there tonight. This is so good and I am so happy you are taking that step. It’s all about having fun and getting back to “you” at this point.

    I hope as I type this you are shaking your hiney on the side of the dance floor or with another.

    I love music so much that I often dance in my car while driving. It has gotten my some crazy woman looks and also some smiles. And, I have been that girl on the side of the dance floor, many MANY times. I can’t help it…I gotta dance when it’s good.

    Hope you are dancing!



  313.  #314Rusty on July 15, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    I agree Ladybug. My favorite part about the HBO series, “John Adams,” was how he and his wife talked to each other. The one thing you came away with was that they had the highest regard for each other and nobody but nobody came between them. They were both inside of a very strong inner circle of two.

    The way they addressed each other is something I think is sad that is missing in our society. By that I mean that they reserved their most polite and respectful greetings for each other. I see nothing wrong with this and in fact, something very very right about it. By doing so, they never lost sight of the fact that this is the person that means the most to them.

    Today, we reserve our politest greetings for people we barely know, if at all. The closer somebody is to us, the less respectful and polite our greetings typically are. Really sad IMHO. At best, they can be described as “familiar” in nature.

    I remember thinking this very thing when they would see each other after a short, or long separation, and the same for their greetings in their letters to each other.

    My dearest Friend
    My dearest
    My dearest Portia

    These are the typical greetings in John Adams’ letters to his wife. I assume that Portia was a nickname or something.

    Her typical greeting was “My dearest Friend”

    You can read their letters to each other hear. I find them to be very romantic because of the way they speak so respectfully to each other. One thing I took form the movie, which they say is accurate on this account, was that respect went both ways with these two. I find myself to be very attracted to that.

    here is the site where you can read their letters.

    http://www.masshist.org/digitaladams/aea/letter/



  314.  #315Ladybug on July 15, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    That’s so true Butterfly Wings. We have to move those men who make us feel icky out of our lives to make room for the truly wonderful ones. There are wonderful loving men in the world who want us and will cherish and love us for who we are! Sweep out the cobwebs and dust!

    Wear a big smile and talk to everyone!

    I’m 53 years old and never considered myself beautiful or even very pretty. My once awesome is now Barbie hair, a discarded Barbie dug from the bottom of the bin at the thrift store. Men like Barbie hair. Yet when I attend an event, I have several men line up to talk to me, politely letting me know they are available and want me, asking me for dates. Those I know a little better give me hugs and get hugs back. They stand close and speak to me quietly in my face.

    Oh, and they all know I don’t put out.



  315.  #316Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles,
    bubbles, bubbles, bubbles,

    So many bubbles.

    This riffette has been brought to you by…

    the bubbles watcher…. 😉



  316.  #317Laughing goddess on July 15, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Hi all!

    I have a fun Law of Attraction story. I spent some time today getting myself in the vortex about my to do list.

    I had been putting off this one chore which involved spending over $1000.

    I had to buy some equipment. I was thinking that I would have to drive an hour and a half away to go to a discount store. I really didn’t feel like driving so I called a local place that just happened to have it on sale for 25% off, which is a great price. So I went down to buy it and the guy gave me 35% off just for the heck of it….

    Which means I unexpectedly saved $350 on something I had budgeted!

    I feel so excited by this!

    I also almost got scammed by a craigslist poster trying to buy tickets for an event. That freaked me out a little bit. Luckily I realized before sending any money.

    I feel relieved that I gained money today rather than lost it!



  317.  #318Laughing goddess on July 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    Hi all!

    I have a fun Law of Attraction story. I spent some time today getting myself in the vortex about my to do list.

    I had been putting off this one chore which involved spending over $1000.

    I had to buy some equipment. I was thinking that I would have to drive an hour and a half away to go to a discount store. I really didn’t feel like driving so I called a local place that just happened to have it on sale for 25% off, which is a great price. So I went down to buy it and the guy gave me 35% off just for the heck of it….

    Which means I unexpectedly saved $350 on something I had budgeted!

    I feel so excited by this!



  318.  #319Senior Lady Vibe on July 15, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    @317: Laughing goddess

    So… permission granted to give yourself a treat!



  319.  #320Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Ella/Rusty I posted something from Dr. Paul in 190 that suggests “test” to me. Dr. Paul suggests primal instinct so while I am not really “into” testing per se, I see Rori encouraging us to cdate as a kind of test to see if a man is a match for us. I believe as part of his courting rituals guys do look for certain things that they find attractive in women. I also believe that if it is in the basic nature of a woman to give back by unlocking a door to show her appreciation for the guy walking around to her side to see she is securely seated in the car, no “rules” should prevent her from doing this. This to me would be her “authentic” self. I have to admit also that it is something I do without thinking. For me it would not be overfunctioning.



  320.  #321Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    RE 312 kaitlyn maybe listening to the Garden Chat above and practicing what is recommended might help answer your question????



  321.  #322Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/the-3-biggest-mistakes-women-make-when-trying-to-attract-a-man/

    “A woman that loves herself touches her body, caresses her skin. Her arms should NOT be flailing around to draw attention to herself. The less you do, the more attractive it is.” From that moment on my dancing style changed.
    I got it! I understood how to create a sensual look on the dance floor and then apply it off the dance floor. It was magical!

    You see, when you keep your energy open by physically leaning back, he feels safe to speak. He relaxes into his own body, releases his tension and then can have a conversation from a calmer state. When anyone is feeling at ease, energy flows and our thoughts are more pure.

    You can not not communicate…so why not transmit words like “invitation, open, feminine”. These words are much more attractive to man than focus, drive and fearless.



  322.  #323Mel on July 15, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    LOL

    So I’m back. It was a bit hot (no A/C) and a bit overwhelming for my first time out as an “unattached” woman… so I only stayed a couple hours.

    So social dancing is a great way to tell a lot about a person without them having to say much at all.

    I had no shortage of partners. I could barely make it to the side of the dance floor to grab my water bottle and I was escorted back on. I danced with young 20-ish college kids (who I think thought I was their age because they all asked me what I was studying) and a few over 65’s ( one was maybe even much older… LOL) and a few people in their 30’s/early 40’s.

    So this one guy was REALLY annoying. He kept saying “No. not like that, like this.” and “you’re getting it wrong, REMEMBER, you have to do this…” etc. etc. Can we say control freak? Ugh. I couldn’t wait for the song to end!

    Then there were the few guys that were super “limp” and not good leaders AT ALL. They were always spinning me into things, stepping on me or others’ feet, expecting me to read their minds and just “know” that their limp hand on my back is supposed to mean turn… These guys come across as almost a bit feminine. Like they were expecting ME to take the lead. That felt uncomfortable.

    There was one guy who just was in his own little world doing his own kind of dance, but actually managed to lead me well enough to be able to keep up. He is one of those “march to the beat of his own drum” kind of guys. It made me laugh out loud.

    There were two guys that were super good leaders. Even though I’m not a very experienced dancer, I knew EXACTLY what they wanted me to do. One was instructive, but without being annoying like the first guy, and praised me when I got it right. He did some pretty crazy cool moves with me and I thanked him after and said “Thanks, that was SO much fun!”

    Then there was this one guy that didn’t even ASK me to dance he just grabbed my hand and pulled me with a spin onto the dance floor. If he had been cute, it might have been a pretty “suave” move, but he was kinda icky and I was like ok… thank’s for asking dude…

    I said yes to everyone though, and overall I had fun. Just thought it was interesting to observe how people “are” on the dance floor. I almost wonder if their “real” personality shines through a bit more than they would like!

    So it’s like I had 10+ CD’s in the span of 2 hours. That was crazy!



  323.  #324Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/you-cant-prove-to-a-man-that-youre-open-by-chasing-after-him-so-then-what-to-do/#respond

    Except for this: Your neediness as evidenced by how much you still WANT him – and that’s what has to go.
    And sometimes, you can’t let that go until you’ve humiliated yourself with some kind of finality. And even then, that humiliation may not mean anything to you.
    If you ask him what went wrong, and show up with Feeling Messages – that’s just the start of your program to reprogram yourself and start getting on your own side. If you do that – send the email, contact him….the work here is WHAT THEN?
    What do you do to stand up for yourself and pull back and “cut bait” when you need to?
    A man who doesn’t want what you are will not come around unless he undergoes some major personal change – and that’s nothing you can do for him.



  324.  #325Femininewoman on July 15, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    RE 323 Sounds juicy Mel



  325.  #326Emerson on July 15, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    263@ Ella – yes ick!! I don’t like when guys say things like you are the perfect match, etc. and move too fast etc….it turns me off big time. I guess they think we’d be flattered, but in reality, they don’t even know who we are yet! How can they know??

    It seems a bit desperate and inauthentic.

    I actually had an ex boyfriend warn me about guys that move too fast into committment and/or marriage and want to snatch you up so fast….he compared them to impulse shoppers, you know, when a guy goes out and buys a shiny new car because it’s sooo new and beautiful and fast and sparkly! And it makes him feel like a NEW MAN! He *must* have it! Then, a week later, the novelty wears off, and it’s just a CAR and eventually he wants to trade it in for a NEW shiny one!!! and the old one is out the door!

    For some reason, that comparison made a lot of sense to me. I never forgot it.

    What do you think? I would stay away from guys that are too impulsive like that. I don’t even find it flattering either.



  326.  #327Emerson on July 15, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Ella, the zumba video was awesome! You look great and it looks so fun! Wish I could go!!



  327.  #328alias girl on July 15, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    things are showing up in my life that i enjoy!

    people are showing up to help me!

    people are helpful towards me!

    so many things come to me for FREE!!! (not that it matters since i am now experimenting with EXTRAVAGANCE!) still FREE still feels pretty good!

    i have so much! THANK YOU!!!

    “the better it gets—the better it gets!!!” – abraham

    things are easy breezy for me! Just what i always wanted! and i love it this way! i love things easy breezy!

    thank you.



  328.  #329nikita on July 15, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    🙂



  329.  #330Emerson on July 15, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    328 @Alias girl, that is awesome!
    I feel inspired by your experience….



  330.  #331Brenda on July 15, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    Hi! I am finally starting to feel a part of a group, and getting to know men in a most organic way!

    I heard a long time ago that the ideal way to meet a man is thru dinner parties! They are groupish enough to where neither person feels uncomfortable or pressured, yet small enough to where you can get past hello, how are you!

    I’ve been a part of my church for almost a year now. The main meetings I go to are on Sundays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. On Wednesdays there is a “fellowship meal” at someone’s home before a prayer meeting, and on Fridays there is a “fellowship meal” at someone else’s home, where I just got back from. These dinners are the equivalent of dinner parties! And I am here to say it is VERY effective!!

    I have been getting to know these people nearly a year, so our casual conversations grow deeper and deeper! “Change” has been showing me increasingly more attention in the past week! Tonight he sought me ought for conversation repeatedly throughout the 6-7 hours we were there!! He sat next to me at the table, then he sat two seats away in the living room. When the seat next to me opened up, he slid over one seat, briefly putting his arm around me as he did! Then once again he sat next to me, an hour or so later, after I socialized with other men (and women)! I am loving it!

    Rori always talks about relationships growing organically – this is purely organic, and I find it so enjoyable! What’s also beautiful is that there is a mix of ages…which translates into I got to casually chat with a hunk of a handsome 28 year old for an hour, along with another woman! LOL!

    I so enjoyed myself, and I got into some really deep, interesting conversations! What’s really funny is that I was texting Ryan in between some of this! Which translates into while drop-dead-gorgeous hunk was chatting, I was splitting my attention with my phone, in effect leaning back…CDing on the fly, yes, ma’am, I was! LOL! It felt so fun! I’m there acting nonchalant because of my lean back tools, while all the while, my heart is pounding with attraction for this dude! What a blast! I felt 25 again! How I wish I were!

    But that’s all right, because I’m cougaring “Change” – he’s 32! And we really connected, both spiritually and emotionally tonight, in our conversation. What an ideal way to practice Siren skills with a variety of men, all at once, and it’s far more fun and relaxing than speed dating!



  331.  #332Lucy on July 15, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    I can barely remember how to unlock my Own car doors from the inside (since I rarely need to), let alone figure out how to unlock somebody else’s (especially in the dark!) before he gets to the door and does it himself. Thankfully, the men I date don’t seem to give a flip. We just have fun and are open and real with each other. I don’t think I’d want a man who had those issues.



  332.  #333alias girl on July 16, 2011 at 12:16 am

    thank you, emerson!!



  333.  #334Starla on July 16, 2011 at 12:23 am

    holy crap i had a good time with old flame tonight

    now i think i am going to puke! haha hahahahahahahaha i feel freakin overwhelmed.

    but a little less worried about why isn’t ‘my guy’ calling me. i guess this is how circular dating really helps.

    whoever is really meant to be with me will be with me.

    the key is to ‘treat them all the same’.

    aaahhhh i think i am going to puke! the possibility that i will end up with the right guy for me and a good relationship makes me want to literally puke!! wow!



  334.  #335Ladybug on July 16, 2011 at 12:35 am

    That’s awesome Brenda, and that’s the way to do it! I prefer the group events for their safety, lack of expectations and sheer number of available men. Yeah, the young guys are a great way to get your groove back, even if they are looking at you as a Mom person. It’s a positive value!

    I’m always up for making more women friends of all ages, too. We need allies and assets.



  335.  #336Starla on July 16, 2011 at 12:44 am

    Brenda, I have been reading about what’s going on in your life in the areas you’ve shared about and I just wanted to say that it is so abundantly clear how you’re paving for yourself a path to happiness and general wellness. Your energy is shifting and I can feel it all the way over here! I feel so good for you.

    I know it is still really hard but I hope you can see how you’re relating to your experience differently and taking care of yourself. I see wonderful things happening for you, and I have this imagine in my head of a comment you make here in a year from now, talking about how you can’t believe a year ago you were where you were, cuz now you have a beautiful home and fulfilling job and are developing awesome romantic relationships with a man/many men.



  336.  #337Starla on July 16, 2011 at 12:48 am

    oh typos.
    *relating to your experience differently than you may have before
    *image, not imagine



  337.  #338Ella on July 16, 2011 at 1:35 am

    @ Ladybug

    “When someone asks after my wellbeing, I ask of theirs”

    Yes and this is where I am confused because Rori says specfically NOT to with the men we are dating…

    It has to do with the energy exchange and keeping the focus on us, and is one of the things I have seen Sirens struggle with again and again on here.

    I’m not sure how I feel about it… I do it and it still triggers to to feel guilty/scared sometimes.

    Maybe another more experienced Siren will chip in here and clarify more.

    Just something I am dealing with while CD-ing atm.

    xoxox



  338.  #339English Woman on July 16, 2011 at 1:38 am

    #205 Plum

    Good post as always, it got me to thinking about Facebook and other social networks, as good as they are for keeping in touch with family and friends, there is a side that is not good.

    All these sad stories about seeing who “he” is talking to and friending and liking, etc. I think it was so much easier before FB and the like when you wouldn’t have a clue what was going on in the other persons life except maybe to hear it on the grapevine………….



  339.  #340English Woman on July 16, 2011 at 1:44 am

    #204 Rusty

    Keep in mind that king/Queen of England has zero actual power. They are figureheads.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    That is not factually correct.



  340.  #341Senior Lady Vibe on July 16, 2011 at 6:01 am

    @335: Ladybug says:
    “…I’m always up for making more women friends of all ages, too. We need allies and assets…”

    I see a value in this; I always have. Alas, not everyone on the blog does… 😥

    Moving right along…
    xoxo



  341.  #342Mel on July 16, 2011 at 6:04 am

    Hey SLV,

    I finally took your advice and went dancing! 🙂



  342.  #343Senior Lady Vibe on July 16, 2011 at 6:04 am

    @331: Brenda says:
    “…Hi! I am finally starting to feel a part of a group, and getting to know men in a most organic way!…”

    Cheers, Brenda. This sounds like a lot of fun too.

    😀



  343.  #344Senior Lady Vibe on July 16, 2011 at 6:15 am

    @336: Starla says:
    “…I see wonderful things happening for you,…in my head of a comment you make here in a year from now, talking about how you can’t believe a year ago you were where you were, cuz now you have a beautiful home and fulfilling job and are developing awesome romantic relationships with a man/many men…”

    I have a technique I use: I put stickers on future dates in my agenda calendar. It is helpful to see how situations change over time. It’s also kind of magical.

    😀



  344.  #345Ella on July 16, 2011 at 6:18 am

    SLV re 341,

    Really? I have not noticed that. I def think that more good friends of both sexes are invaluable…

    xoxox



  345.  #346Queenbee on July 16, 2011 at 6:21 am

    Wow Rusty. I’d have to agree with you. I feel good now. Finally agreeing with you on one thing at least is major progress for me.

    You are right. The word is “nervous” not “weird or scared”, which are two words I’ve used and both men have withdrawn 🙁

    Ok, so now what….

    And both times I’ve been ‘looking’ for the word “nervous”.

    Damnit!!! Now I feel so angry.

    Anyway, it’s okay… breathe….

    SLV – you are right too. I didn’t want to go so early (12pm) for that meeting not knowing what it was about and feeling nervous.

    🙁

    loving myself as best as I can.

    xoxo



  346.  #347Senior Lady Vibe on July 16, 2011 at 6:22 am

    @342: Mel says:
    “…Hey SLV,
    I finally took your advice and went dancing! …”

    I know… I saw your post! I hope you enjoyed it enough to do it again. Next up… tango lessons, flippy skirts and beautiful intimate apparel… 😀

    xoxo



  347.  #348Senior Lady Vibe on July 16, 2011 at 6:30 am

    @Ella
    I’m big on noticing. It’s an acquired skill. I miss things sometimes and go back for another look. 😀

    @Queenbee
    I hope things go well whatever the conversation. Friends of both sexes… as Ella mentioned. It’s good.

    xoxo



  348.  #349Mel on July 16, 2011 at 6:53 am

    “Next up… tango lessons, flippy skirts and beautiful intimate apparel… ”

    Tango lessons… hmmm…. only if they are given by a hot latino man named Juan. 😉 OR… better yet, maybe during my adventure in Europe, I’ll make a side-trip to Spain to learn some sexy dances.

    I’ll add this to my “move to Europe” fantasy (which is all it is at this point). But I figure the more elaborate I make my fantasy and the more I focus on what I want, the more energy I direct in THAT direction, the more likely it is to happen. 🙂



  349.  #350Ella on July 16, 2011 at 7:05 am

    Queenbee re 346,

    Yep I hear ya.

    I have experienced this kinda reaction too… and maybe for me too nervous would have been a better choice, and yet, sometimes when I have been discussing on here my FMs to men, Sirens have encouraged me to ‘go deeper’ and find the feeling beneath the surface feelings…

    So under nervous is often ‘scared’ or ‘weird’.

    And I guess maybe with the right guy, and possibly in the right setting (ie on the phone or in person) this is probably good and even great for opening communication and exploring stuff.

    However there will always be those who just don’t get it, can’t handle it or don’t want to.

    A lot of people feel more comfortable operating on a shallow, easy level…

    I guess there is something about balance here.

    But tbh I want to feel free to be intense is I want, and that my guys can handle it. And if they can’t I am beginning to think ‘next!’

    On the other hand again, I don’t want to dump, or be inappropriate and make others feel uncomfortable.

    Still working this out.

    And I reckon if he is my man, and he is gonna step up, me using 2 off word is not going to obstruct that.

    Rori talks about how her husbamd just stepped up and kept coming at her, and made it feel easy and good…

    And she says the energy of a man consitently coming towards us is unmistakable.

    This feels comforting to me, although I get ‘pouty’ and pissy when a guy I think I would like to step up doesn’t come towards me in the way I would choose.

    Getting better at receiving and appreciating the different things guys give me, and dropping the judgement about it…

    xoxox



  350.  #351Patricia on July 16, 2011 at 7:11 am

    morning chickies….
    I have two questions.
    Can someone explain or direct me to more about the reference to Rori’s “relationships growing organically”

    and

    also the reference to why we don’t ask a guy how he’s doing? what is the suggestion we do engage with…only FM?



  351.  #352Lilybelle on July 16, 2011 at 7:11 am

    349:

    Mel~ You totally got this thing down! I can’t wait to watch your story unfold!!

    Big Hugs!



  352.  #353Lilybelle on July 16, 2011 at 7:13 am

    344:

    SLV~ Your sticker calendar still makes me feel excited when I think about it.

    xoxo



  353.  #354Ella on July 16, 2011 at 7:14 am

    Hmmm, I do realise getting too heavy on 1st few dates is generally frowned upon…

    On the other hand if I feel scared of something I want to say.

    With J I did feel scared, which flagged up to me that there was something to attend to (my stuff).

    Good experiences I have had with guy when using FMs like ‘I feel weird / turned off / scared’ have been when he has then gone something like ‘Really hon, why?’ and then I have said … whatever… and then he has said ‘oh well no problem we can do …’ such and such to soothe my feelings.

    And then I have felt better and I have said something like ‘ah thank you that feels better’ and then I have got the impression he has felt good to get to be my hero.

    Of course I do not ‘expect’ guys to look after my feelings.

    Sometimes I can express and he doesn’t want to know, or shuts down, or doesn’t engage.

    That is his choice and is ok too.

    May not feel so good. And I bet is more about his stuff than me.

    And sometimes they may withdraw.

    Again I am coming to think that is ok… and maybe his stuff.

    Shame though and I feel very stampy feet when it is someone I thought he and I would have something…

    oh well, thats where the no expectations come in.

    Still working on that one.



  354.  #355Ella on July 16, 2011 at 7:18 am

    Oh and sometimes he may just not know what to do.

    Sometimes men go quiet when I express.

    That is fine, And I am getting to feeling comfortable with myself that I don’t mind what they do, it is more important to be me.

    And if they stick around they will see that there is nothing to be frightened of, FMs are just FMs and feelings come, go and morph.

    So even if I say I feel scared in a moment, it doesn’t mean I am going to be drama.

    But then it is up to him to be ready, willing and able to see and feel that about me.



  355.  #356Ella on July 16, 2011 at 7:19 am

    Mel your post 349 feels very upbeat!

    Yay you 🙂 xx



  356.  #357Lilybelle on July 16, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Ella~

    You are a Siren, Girl.



  357.  #358English Woman on July 16, 2011 at 7:50 am

    Greetings Sirens, from rainy, rainy wet England 🙁

    I decided to spend my time lying on my bed, drinking endless cups of tea and catching up on some of the older blogs, wow I just finished wading through one from last month that had over 1000 posts!!!

    I keep hearing all this talk about Love Scripts which I believe is Rori’s new programme, have there been any blogs on this recently or any long posts amongst the Sirens?



  358.  #359Ella on July 16, 2011 at 8:03 am

    English Woman,

    I’m in the UK enjoying the weather too! 🙂

    Good day for staying in drinking tea. xx



  359.  #360tinque on July 16, 2011 at 8:20 am

    Okay UK ladies. I have a question totally not about relationship. I am addicted to the show Top Gear, and several times the expression “birched” has been used. Please enlighten me. Thank you.

    xxoo



  360.  #361English Woman on July 16, 2011 at 8:27 am

    #359 Ella

    Yes it’s a good day for staying in listening to the rain lashing against the windows 🙂

    I have forgotten sooooo much from my last time here on Siren Island, so much to learn, so little time LOL!!

    I saw Rosa’s post about joining e Harmony so I am thinking I may do that at a later stage……..not feeling ready at the moment and honestly after not even having a date now for almost a year I’m not sure if I can even be bothered……….I seem to have lost my mojo of late and feel totally unmotivated to do anything.

    I did read one post the other day, not sure if it was on here, or somewhere else about the negative voices, it was along the lines of how you wouldn’t say to your 10 year old daughter, God you are fat and look at those wrinkles, and it’s too late nobody is going to want you so you may as well face the fact you are going to be a lonely old lady with only cats for company LOL!! See that’s they way the nv’s talk to us isn’t it? Maybe not those same words but they are always there niggling away, I think it was Simply Shannon who used to say something about giving them a cookie? Does anybody else remember that?

    So many Sirens have gone now, that’s sad, but it’s always nice to meet new ones 😀



  361.  #362English Woman on July 16, 2011 at 8:29 am

    #360 Tinque

    Not sure as I don’t watch the show, and don’t know that word from everyday conversation but possibly to do with corporal punishment? ie birch rod??



  362.  #363English Woman on July 16, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Could be a relationship query if you are into
    S & M. 😀



  363.  #364tinque on July 16, 2011 at 8:41 am

    I like that, English Woman. S & M lingo. lol

    And about your nvs (I like to call then gremlins). When they come to visit, you can shut the door on them, give them a hug and send them on their way, invite them in, and then give them a cookie and send them into a corner, or ask them to go zone out in front of the TV. You can shut them up, ignore them, shush them, put your hand over their mouths, whatever it takes to quiet them down to at least a soft whisper.

    When negative thoughts about yourself arise, know that they are lies; they are always lies.

    And yes if you find yourself saying things to yourself you wouldn’t never, ever say to anyone else… well…

    xoo



  364.  #365tinque on July 16, 2011 at 9:01 am

    oh my, a double negative, what I mean is “would never, ever..”

    xxoo



  365.  #366Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 9:32 am

    RE 349 I feel you Mel, I feel you. It seems you are so focussed on yourself the flirty energy is flying in your words.



  366.  #367Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 9:37 am

    RE 350 Ella it is just occured to me that if the vibe or energy under the word “weird” is intense it could be off putting. If however it is light/airy maybe even playful it might be easier for someone to hear. I have used “I feel icky” with several guys, shaking my body and hands and kind of making up my face and some guys have actually giggled just watching me. I guess what I am saying is if you feel spooked when you use the word weird they will feel it and maybe take it personal.



  367.  #368Starla on July 16, 2011 at 9:42 am

    About asking a guy how he is doing after he asks us how we are. I think I do have this one figured out. The idea is not to deflect his energy that is coming towards you. Like when someone asks you how you are doing, you spend more time and energy on asking them back, instead of actually answering them. It’s like..”oh i’m good HOW ARE YOU THOUGH???”

    It is better to take your time answering the question…really letting them know how you’re feeling and perhaps why…give it a pause…they’ll probably keep carrying the conversation. Or then you say “and you? how are you?”

    However, where i see this come up the most here is in text-based convos with men. That is when we’ve been reminded it is deflecting and leaning forward when we immediately say “i’m ok how are you?”

    i think in texts and IMs or emails, that is when we’re not supposed to ask back so soon. let them have the ball and run with it. you’ll start to feel curious about them and will ask them how they are or what’s new when the moment is right.



  368.  #369Starla on July 16, 2011 at 9:50 am

    I feel like i’m going to explode
    every morning i wake up wondering where the f8ck my guy is. who the f8ck just randomly unfriends you and stops calling after 6 months of dating. i get the ‘space’ thing but seriously….i feel like i’m being punished! at least he could tell me WHY he is unfriending me.

    this is the most childish bull crap!!! i feel super judgmental but only as a defense against how hurt and stupid i feel.



  369.  #370Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 9:51 am

    RE 368 I have been experimenting with only responding to the question with both sexes, and talk about myself. What I have found is that it sometimes lead further into conversation. I am thinking that it could also feel masculine to guys when we ask as if we taking the lead in the conversation or maybe trying to get them to talk about their feelings which is something they are not good at.



  370.  #371Starla on July 16, 2011 at 9:52 am

    i didn’t really go out with any other guys this whole time me and him were dating, but now I am. if he is going to go silent and unfriend me without explanation, of f8cking course i am going to assume that is the end of it.

    what an ungraceful way to exit.

    to just leave me on the hook..hanging there…wondering if this is a space thing or a goodbye forever thing.

    I dunno though…I was looking through his facebook pictures (still visible) and most of them are like times he was drunk or wasted with his friends.

    zzzzzzzzz boring. can’t a guy be more interesting than some alcohol in his system?

    UGH I FEEL SO CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED



  371.  #372Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 9:55 am

    RE 369 A lot of guys do. If he is angry he will eventually forget why and most likely come back calling. At this point he is being himself because it is now 6 months and from what I understand he should no longer be feeling like he needs to impress you. He is sure that he has your attention and affection.



  372.  #373Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Starla “feel hurt and stupid”? How does that feel.



  373.  #374Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 9:57 am

    RE 371 Wonder if he unfriended you hoping you won’t see those pictures?



  374.  #375Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:00 am

    thanks fw

    i feel rejected and my heart feels bruised. i feel gooey under my skin especially in my head and by my heart.

    i feel guilty for having gone through such a ridiculously hard time with him by my side, getting incredibly depressed and suicidal and rageful. I am in therapy now and not acting that way anymore.

    i feel unworthy of telling him i don’t want to be in a bad relationship. i feel heavy in my face and abdomen.

    mostly i just want to explodeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    i wanted to distract myself with brunch with a friend but he is busy and my best friend is asleep since she works until midnight. i might call her up in a few minutes here anyway. i need some support.

    though i have things to do…like organizing the house and cleaning up, getting things ready for the furniture delivery that’s coming today.

    i feel like a crazy personnnnn like i am going to rip all my skin off and rob the bank.



  375.  #376Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:01 am

    374 those pictures have always been there…i just never bothered to browse them.



  376.  #377Brenda on July 16, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Starla,

    RE: #36 – Wow, that’s encouraging! I will keep that future projection in mind! thanks a lot!



  377.  #378Brenda on July 16, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Starla,

    RE: #336 – Wrong number above.



  378.  #379Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:06 am

    hahah brenda my typos are contagious



  379.  #380Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 10:07 am

    Starla here are some things I saved I believe from either Rori or Loneplum’s post in the past

    When a man starts something with us it is because he likes us. He would not bother with a woman he does not like. He does hope things will grow deeper, he wants to fall in love, as much as we do. Sure he doe snot speak of it as long as it has not happened, that’s the difference with us, but when he feels love, he acts on it, he is happy.



  380.  #381Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:09 am

    i choose to focus instead on things that felt good about my ‘date’ last night.

    first of all, it was just a reunion of old friends (high school flame that i never even kissed), but i pretty much knew it was going to turn into a date if i let it.

    what i REALLY liked about last night was that he showed romantic interest in me without trying to step anything up a notch. So he escalated our night into a romantic walk, into buying me a drink, into asking if he may walk me to the door…but not trying to step up the physical contact at the same time.

    i felt safe and honored and desired all at the same time.

    it feels good and illuminating to notice the contrast with ‘my guy’ who was and is always on a mission to ‘get’ somewhere physically or emotionally. he has a hard time just ‘being’

    thank you, universe, for the opportunity to experience different ways of interacting with men, and for the opportunity to sample and decide which i like best.



  381.  #382Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:13 am

    i feel defensive about dating more than one guy (although me and ‘my guy’ aren’t even ‘on’ right now so whatever) but i would just like to state for the record and my own benefit i am not a liar or a wh0re. i am honest about not being exclusive and i am not getting down and dirty with any of these guys or planning vacations and weddings.



  382.  #383Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:14 am

    sorry for using the word wh0re. it’s so loaded and i don’t mean anything by it. i don’t even think being a ‘slut’ or a ‘prostitute’ is a bad thing. but it worked for my little rant above.



  383.  #384Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 10:16 am

    More Starla
    Men don’t want to start a thing with us with the purpose to break from us or to string us along. They don’t. Their intention is to find love. Yet they leave. Or string us along Because they felt disconnected with us Because we kepr our heart shut because we did not trust them which is equivalent to not want them.

    We used our minds, we applied on them our preconceived idea of what a relationship should be, we told them what was wrong with the relationship lol, or even with them lol but we did not enjoy the moment with them, we did not share our soul with them, our bright happy side, our dreams and sensations. We never introduced our little to them. So their little boy felt lonely and left us.

    They don’t reject her, they can’t, they are the pursuer. It is impossible to pursue and jump on a prey and at the same time rejecther. They feel rejected while they try to keep their prey caught in their paws. So they let their prey go, they know she wants to run; she hates being caught by them. They don’t reject her, they let her go.

    She says she love him but men know better. She would be happy if she loved him. She would feel in love with herself if she loved him. He would love a woman in love with herself.
    He moves on, hoping that the next prey will surrender between his paws, happy she is caught by him. Surrendering, leaning back in his paws, trusting she is not in danger, there is no fight to fight, no fire to water off, time belongs to her while she voluptuously purrs, trusting his next move will be for her good.

    The only way to be rejected is to be the pursuer.



  384.  #385Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 10:20 am

    RE 383 Starla I would encourage you to explore your beliefs around those words. It seems to me like there might be something hidden from your radar of consciousness around them because of societal rules about dating. Those beliefs can drive our behavior and shape our reality



  385.  #386Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:20 am

    384

    holy cow that is beautiful and moving and sad and deep



  386.  #387Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:24 am

    fw…thank you so much for all your posts to me today. it’s like i have my own little support system just for me in you!

    oh and about the words slut and wh0re i have explored them and they are meaningless to me unless i give them meaning when convenient. i just wanted to apologize because not everyone else has that relationship with those words and it can feel bad to read them or relate to them in the way i used them.



  387.  #388Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 10:25 am

    By the way Starla one thing Rori has said in the past is “A key to not falling into the trap of trying to fix things when a man withdraws into himself and to not drive yourself crazy trying to get him out of it is to first understand if thisis a pattern HE HAS in his own life.

    If so the first you need to do is get clear that this is NOT about you. Doing that will allow you to clear your mind and stop acting from a place of worrying or wondering it it’s something about you or your relationship.”



  388.  #389Brenda on July 16, 2011 at 10:26 am

    This morning I slept in until 10 am, then I had a talk with Dave and Miho about my email about the situation where I am staying. I felt really embarrassed and uncomfortable, and I felt pleasantly surprised at how mature and healthy they were in discussing it with me.

    When we started the conversation, Dave asked me a question, and I started to stutter and couldn’t think clearly. Finally, I said, “I feel really nervous. I am so much better at discussing things in writing than in person.”

    He said kindly, “Well, would you like us to get our phones and we can text message? Or email?”

    That made me laugh, and then I got into the flow of our conversation. I still let them do most of the talking, tho, because I figured I had already had my say anyway, in my email.

    Miho said she felt shocked and sad at some of the stuff I said in my email. She said she invited me here not because she wanted to take advantage of me, but because she didn’t want to see me living in my car. She said on the one hand, I am welcome, but naturally, it is at some sacrifice that she was willing to give up her privacy, and that she is a very private person by nature. It’s a struggle for her to have anyone here, period. It is nothing personal, just difficult. I can understand that, because I have shared my home in the past, too. And I appreciated her deep honesty.

    She said she stayed with people in the past, when she was living on the road, and she felt appreciative and couldn’t do enough for the people to show her gratitude. She said she was projecting that feeling to me, and giving me things to do to help in that spirit.

    She said it was good for her to realize that my depression and excessive sleepiness kept me limited on time and energy, and that my entire disruption in my life had created many emergency situations with which I need to deal right now. As a result, they said I no longer am required to help around the house. They want me to focus on my job and living situation. I felt weird accepting that, because I am not used to people responding to my needs when I express them. I had to do a silent water wheel tool and lean back and say, “All right, thank you.”

    Miho felt offended that I had said it was petty to suggest that I water the grass before the dogs urinate instead of after. She misunderstood and thought I meant that her yard and flower garden were insignificant. She said with tears in her eyes that a flower garden is central to her soul, and it expresses her very personality. It’s where she finds peace and joy. She said, “And I resent it when someone thinks it’s petty. It’s MY fu(cking garden and I have a right to have it the way I want it.”

    Dave assured her that I hadn’t intended to disrespect her garden by what I said. I quickly agreed, saying the part that I meant was petty was telling me to water the grass down (to dilute the urine) before I pottied the dogs instead of after. I said, “What difference will it make? It means I have to come down the stairs (which are very challenging for me at my size) twice instead of once. If I water it down AFTER they go to the bathroom, I will be able to target the spot where they wet.”

    She went along with that, adding that I could make it easier on myself by just tying them to a tree after they potty while I wet it down, which will work for me.

    We discussed the refrigerator space, and she said, “You mean you feel uninvited when I move your stuff around in there?”

    When I said yes, she said, “That’s not about you or trying to control you or push you around. That’s about organizing. I keep things moving in there, to make sure things don’t go bad.” I brought up a variation of SLV’s suggestion, asking if I could just use one drawer of the frig, and it would be my space that she wouldn’t have to bother with.

    She said, “I got you a mini frig at a yard sale this morning! You can have it in your room! It was only a dollar because it has no shelves.” I thanked her profusely, so problem solved, and it will be far easier for me.

    All in all, I feel good about how it went – many people would have just booted me out after writing that email. I feel emotionally exhausted, like I need to regroup. Or take a nap.



  389.  #390Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 10:31 am

    RE 389 Wow, I am shocked and surprised



  390.  #391Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:33 am

    wow brenda i feel jealous…i am not sure i have that respectful and productive of a conversation like that ever in my life.



  391.  #392kaitlyn on July 16, 2011 at 10:34 am

    384 Goes to prove it’s my fault if relationships don’t work out.



  392.  #393Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:37 am

    kaitlyn, no way jose. that is not a methodologically sound assertion to make.

    if the guy is not right for us, if he has issues that are hard to truly see past, if he doesn’t appear ready enough for a relationship to us…that can cause the concept in 384 to occur. It describes WHY a man leaves, not whose fault it is that she is acting in that way.



  393.  #394Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Brenda,

    Glad things worked out for you. You are right, many people wouldn’t have been as understanding.

    What are you going to do about shelves for the fridge? You might be able to make some very cheap. Plexiglass might work pretty well and is fairly easy to cut if you have any tools or access to some.



  394.  #395Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 10:40 am

    392: kaitlyn says:

    384 Goes to prove it’s my fault if relationships don’t work out.

    ————————

    No, not true. He may simply not be doing what’s right to allow you to be who you want/need to be, or what he wants/needs you to be.



  395.  #396Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 10:42 am

    Mel

    WOW! Sounds like you had a lot of fun. I had a feeling that you would.

    You remind me of a cat thrown in the air. It IS going to land on it’s feet. You WILL land on your feet. Didn’t ask to be tossed in the air, but you will land on your feet.



  396.  #397Plum on July 16, 2011 at 10:49 am

    380 + 384

    That’s different parts of a post I have written

    FW you have changed a few words and mixed the parts up.
    I wonder why because it takes less time to respect the writer’s integrity by pasting the post as it comes, than making a soup of it.
    I feel good that it is useful to you, though, I just wish you would not make a soup of my writings 😉

    Anyway , here is the original post
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/thank-you-so-much/#comment-99131

    xxx



  397.  #398Starla on July 16, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Plum –
    but, but…it is a starla soup made special for me..
    hehe



  398.  #399Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Plum sorry, it was not my intention. I have a printed copy her with me and was just typing the parts I thought applicable to Starla. Thanks for the link though, it would have taken me so time to find it again.



  399.  #400Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Ella, I don’t think it is productive to just put it off on guys as in if they can[t handle your feelings, they aren’t man enough. Might make you feel better about it, but not sure it is productive.

    I think it is more productive to learn which words work and which don’t.

    And I agree with the post above that said a lot will depend on your vibe when using those words, which mans in person, or maybe on the phone.

    For instance, I do remember having one girl I was starting to date tell me that I was scaring her. In a text or email I might not have reacted too well to it. But in person I was able to read her totally and knew exactly what she meant by it. Instead of it sounding insulting or blamey to me…in person I was able to cue into her body language, eyes, and tone of voice.

    I wasn’t scaring her because I was a bad guy, or weird, etc…I was scaring her because she was getting from me that I was for real, and not just some player trying to score. In short, she knew she was at a crossroads and knew she had to make a decision to either drop her guard and allow a relationship to bloom, or keep her walls up and risk ruining that possible relationship. It was THIS that was scaring her…not me.

    In person, not only was I able to read that, but we were able to explore that in a soft and intimate conversation.

    Had she just IM’d that to me, I don’t think it would have felt nearly the same. And…had this happened to me before, maybe several times, just before women flaked out on me, THAT might have been enough for me to just check out.

    I think I posted this once before. A pitcher in major league baseball over here made the comment that he had been pitching for a while, and of course he knew that teams put a lot of work into trying to figure out opposing pitchers, but he had never really put any thought into the fact that batters were actually putting as much thought into it as he was. One day, he said he was facing a certain batter, and he shook off a sign, and as he was about to go into his wind up, he noticed the batter make an adjustment. He said it was like an epiphany moment where it suddenly hit him that the batter was trying to figure him out as much as he was trying to figure the batter out.

    Well, I can assure you that just as you are trying to figure a new guy out, or even a guy you’ve been with for a while, he is also trying to figure you out. Just as you read and try to interpret things he does and says, so to he is doing the same with you.

    Both are doing the same thing, and often after the same information. Is this person using me, or really into me. Often this is confusing because it is going on at the same time you both are trying to figure out if you really want the other as a keeper. It’s often a confusing dance. You can say you don’t want to dance, or that you don’t wan to put much logical thought into it, but that doesn’t mean the guys aren’t. The problem is, we can often misread signals based on our own past experiences.

    Your IM’s screamed confusion. You did want him to come around but in another language, you weren’t sure. You felt weird, scared. That wouldn’t feel good to me.

    So the question is, do you want to create a safe place for a man to experience you, or make him feel like something is off about the whole thing.

    I do believe you should feel free to express your feelings, but the question is, can it be done more constructively. And more importantly, are your FM’s presenting the correct message to the guy. I’m feeling weird doesn’t feel good to hear from a woman i am trying to get close to. To me, my inner voices scream, “RUN!” at that point.

    I think the Fm shouldn’t be the end of the story, it should be an opening to allow you both to discuss your feelings. “I’m feeling weird” doesn’t feel inviting. “I’m feeling nervous,” does.

    Weird tells me something is way off. Nervous tells me that she needs comforting or reassuring. The first one feels like a door i don’t want to open but the second one does.

    Maybe Rori should look further into this, and maybe explain further. Maybe it is just the IMs. Maybe that’s not the place for feeling messages since no real feeling is being conveyed, or worse, the wrong feeling, and there is limited ability to explore those feelings together.

    What do you think?



  400.  #401Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Plum I should also add that I will stop referring to your posts in the way that it makes sense to me, seeing you experience this as disrespectful.



  401.  #402Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 11:18 am

    RE 400 Rusty most of what you say here makes sense to me. I am pretty sure I have also seen Rori wrote about using FMs in person. I think, also the relationship is not real unless the person is in front of you.

    “And more importantly, are your FM’s presenting the correct message to the guy.” This might just be semantics but I feel slightly triggered by the use of the word correct here. It suggests the person using it is wrong. I would personally prefer “are your FM’s presenting the message you intend them to”. One way I do this is by checking in and asking “does this make sense to you” or saying something to the effect “I am not sure I have explained myself well”.



  402.  #403Lilybelle on July 16, 2011 at 11:28 am

    371:

    I’m sorry, Starla..that he didn’t consider your feelings.

    Big hugs!



  403.  #404Starla on July 16, 2011 at 11:32 am

    403 thank you dear!!!!!
    i have felt much worse of much less…so i am going to be okay:)

    the morning’s are sooo hard for me though. now that my blood is pumping and i’m cooking food and getting ready for the day, everything feels much more settled.

    i <3 this blog



  404.  #405Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 11:42 am

    I am reviewing some info here and want to share some. So first off, I don’t remember who wrote them and second sorry if I make a soup of them and offend anyone.

    “Every man has aman inside him. Not everyman is in touch with it. The ones who are seek feminine softness. The ‘ultra feminine woman’ brings out the man in Everyman. She will not be pulled off her femininity.” I believe DE shared this, maybe from someone else’s comments. I feel intimidated by the description ultra feminine woman as I don’t think I am one.

    This I believe was Dr. Paul “What he restlessly seeks is to find himself, and this requires him to swear fealty to that maiden whose image he carries very deep in his heart behind that steely armoured breast. He will give his heart and his love to no other”.



  405.  #406Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 11:45 am

    402: Femininewoman says:

    “And more importantly, are your FM’s presenting the correct message to the guy.” This might just be semantics but I feel slightly triggered by the use of the word correct here. It suggests the person using it is wrong. I would personally prefer “are your FM’s presenting the message you intend them to”. One way I do this is by checking in and asking “does this make sense to you” or saying something to the effect “I am not sure I have explained myself well”.

    ___________________________________-

    yeah, semantics but I understand what you are saying. That is what I was saying, but I guess my statement is triggering because it puts ownership on the person sending the FM. As in, did you send an FM that states what you are trying to convey.

    And it does also put responsibility on them. In other words, if you are sending Fm’s that aren’t really what you intend to say, and the other person then misunderstands what you are trying to say, it isn’t fair to judge the person receiving the FM.

    But it’s not so much about fault as it is taking responsibility.

    Just my humble opinion but what do I know…right?



  406.  #407Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Rusty I understand



  407.  #408Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 11:50 am

    351: Patricia says:
    morning chickies….
    I have two questions.
    Can someone explain or direct me to more about the reference to Rori’s “relationships growing organically”

    and

    also the reference to why we don’t ask a guy how he’s doing? what is the suggestion we do engage with…only FM?

    *****
    patricia I’m having the same questions…I kind of understand the relationship growing organically concept, but could use some clarity on this.

    And yes I am also wondering why we don’t ask a guy how he’s doing!? Is it to ‘giving’ or mommyish!?

    I don’t know…
    Tinque? Your thougths?



  408.  #409Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    BTW Rusty I have something I saved from one of Rori’s articles, it says:-

    “And the way to live with negative feelings that pushes a many away is to RESIST them.

    The way to live with negative feelings that BRING A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them”.



  409.  #410Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    364: tinque says:
    I like that, English Woman. S & M lingo. lol

    And about your nvs (I like to call then gremlins). When they come to visit, you can shut the door on them, give them a hug and send them on their way, invite them in, and then give them a cookie and send them into a corner, or ask them to go zone out in front of the TV. You can shut them up, ignore them, shush them, put your hand over their mouths, whatever it takes to quiet them down to at least a soft whisper.

    When negative thoughts about yourself arise, know that they are lies; they are always lies.

    And yes if you find yourself saying things to yourself you wouldn’t never, ever say to anyone else…
    *****
    Tinque I really like this imagery, it’s so funny and at the same time it’s helpful. I like the idea of putting my hand over the gremlin’s mouth. 🙂



  410.  #411Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    Starla I just now saw your reply to the question asked by Patricia and I re: 408 and 351, thank you.



  411.  #412Senior Lady Vibe on July 16, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    @353: Lilybelle says:
    “…SLV~Your sticker calendar still makes me feel excited when I think about it…”

    The year is whizzing by so fast and there is very little in the calendar…

    You would have more in yours, lots of dates. 😀

    But I still like the idea of having it and I’ll get another one next year which I hope will have more in it after February 2012.

    xoxo



  412.  #413Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Brenda, I am glad things went well with Miho and it feels encouraging to hear that you were able to come to an agreement with them about your living situation. Yay Brenda! I can see things are turning around for you. And very cool about the mini fridge 🙂



  413.  #414Mel on July 16, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Rusty…

    “You remind me of a cat thrown in the air. It IS going to land on it’s feet. You WILL land on your feet. Didn’t ask to be tossed in the air, but you will land on your feet.”

    Rawrwwwow! (not sure how to spell the ‘cat fight’ noise) LOL

    Thanks 🙂 I love that!



  414.  #415Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    Ugh ladies….I am experiencing some serious negativity at work where I feel I am not being treated fairly. When I bring it up, the reply I get harkens to: “shut up and you are lucky to be working here, don’t mess it up for the rest of us, your concerns don’t matter/aren’t valid”

    I feel SO UNHEARD and RESENTFUL….and I don’t know what to do. I felt really bad yesterday, and this makes me sad because I LOVE my job, but I am beginning to feel that my boss doesn’t even care about my concerns. It’s so discouraging.



  415.  #416Starla on July 16, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    SLV i’m not sure i understand what you mean about calendaring… can you explain to me?



  416.  #417Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    409: Femininewoman says:

    BTW Rusty I have something I saved from one of Rori’s articles, it says:-

    “And the way to live with negative feelings that pushes a many away is to RESIST them.

    The way to live with negative feelings that BRING A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them”

    ———————————————–

    Sounds like solid advice to both sexes. Just reading these boards for several months, I have learned that men can express their FMs in ways…masculine ways…that draw women to them, and can express them in ways…feminine ways…that push women away.

    I loved Mel’s post because it showed how we tune into other people and how they act, and how they express themselves DOES matter to us.

    I see nothing wrong with that. And people shouldn’t fear this, just learn from it. I once heard a guy tell some online combat flight sim players that if you’ve been turning to the right all the time and that isn’t working for you, try turning to the left. In other words, don’t keep doing the same thing if you aren’t getting the results you want.

    Same here. If things you say don’t convey accurately what you are trying to convey, then don’t keep doing the same thing. If the words aren’t working, try new words.



  417.  #418English Woman on July 16, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    Just pondering on my readings on the RR blog……..we are supposed to be sooo sireny and BUSY with all the life we have going on (cough) and I don’t really to be honest, what if a man contacts you, are you supposed to do what I USED to do and reply IMMEDIATELY like RIGHT now, or hold off and ponder his words and think of a feeling message reply………and then is that not just game playing? Make him wait what? 1, 2 3, 7 days for a reply?

    Jeez this stuff is sometimes soooo bloody hard to get my head around LOL!!



  418.  #419Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    358: English Woman says:
    Greetings Sirens, from rainy, rainy wet England

    I decided to spend my time lying on my bed, drinking endless cups of tea and catching up on some of the older blogs, wow I just finished wading through one from last month that had over 1000 posts!!!

    *****
    Hello English Woman! I feel jealous that you are in England enjoying such a lovely day! I have family there but it’s been a long time snce I’ve been accross the pond! 🙂 Love it there!!!! I love it when it rains and it’s all green ….



  419.  #420Mel on July 16, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Rusty, I loved that so much it is now my FB status!

    Does the R-Man have FB?



  420.  #421Plum on July 16, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    401 FW

    Thank you 🙂

    1) I feel very good that you kept my stuff, it means a lot to me
    2) I feel even better that you think others can benefit as well and you share it
    3) I feel safe with you, I trust you. I do no doubt your intentions

    But it is the first time I see somebody scramble somebody’s writing. People usually quote paragraphs in their integrity.
    It is like if I had painted a landscape and somebody would cut it into pieces, scramble the pieces and the pieces don’t fit anymore, so they fill in with a crayon the spaces and put glu for the whole thing to stick together lol The painting has now a totally different impact to the subconscious. It is not my painting.
    I don’t paint Picasso style, I am more of an Impressionist. 😉

    I am private emailing you to tell you how to find posts and articles in less than 1 second

    xxx



  421.  #422Patricia on July 16, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    wow…I stepped out of the blog and into the sun for a while and i am so excited to read what you have all been posting this day….

    where to start! lol

    Starla, Feminine Woman, Plum, Emmerson…

    I loved the posts you wrote Plum and FW , they were so beautiful about men and their hearts and the little boy who wants to meet the little girl and much of the complexities of the deep man…..my heart opened when I read that. I could feel it!
    oh many thanks……



  422.  #423Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    RE 418 English Woman this reminds me of a story a friend recently told me about her mother in law. Her husband was returning their grandson from Florida to New York to his parents so she was alone for the whole day. She decided that was a “me” day for her. My friend told me she called her mother in law several times that day with no response. She mentioned it to her husband later who told her his sister said the same thing. However, later in the evening his mother sent a text to one of them that she would call them “tomorrow” as she was taking a me day to take care of herself today. When I heard the story I thought it was so Sirensesque. My friend was telling me this woman was very serious about taking care of herself and she does these things regularly. Having her grandson was a bit stressful for her for a couple of weeks so at the first opportunity she decided to recharge her batteries and take care of herself. I taught me that leading a busy life and taking care of oneself does not only mean being busy “doing” stuff. I can mean relaxing with oneself and decompressing



  423.  #424Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    RE 421 Thank you love.



  424.  #425Patricia on July 16, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    Plum I am happy FW posted pieces of your landscape because they peaked my curiousity and I am so happy that FW has the integrity to hear how it made you feel….but I am so thankful that the posts made it to the blog today, even if it was a piece at a time….thank you both for that……xo



  425.  #426Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    RE 421 Now I understand your thinking and appreciate where you are coming from. I experience the way you express yourself here as very colorful.

    I really appreciate your input on the blog as your words mostly have wisdom and have helped me a lot.



  426.  #427Femininewoman on July 16, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    RER 425 You are welcome Patricia. I have learnt so much from Plum



  427.  #428Patricia on July 16, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    Starla, Emmerson

    thank you for your thoughts on answering a man back about how he is doing…….after he asks how we are…….I like to think of it as me as a woman leaning back to be asked how I’m doing and responding to it….and using feeling messages …..and then maybe the next natural flow is to use the feeling messages and add the “what do you think? or “how about you” that leads to the ebb and flow of a great conversation without it being an interview…….I recall some of this from Rori’s Targeting Mr. Right CDs….about staying away from the interview……..it actually feels fun …..



  428.  #429Patricia on July 16, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    ….and if anyone would humour me…I would love to hear more about the idea of relationships growing “organically”……is this referencing natural flow? no drama….no toxicity? I would love to learn more about this and jump into it….. 🙂



  429.  #430Ladybug on July 16, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    The rules are, there are no rules! Just feelings.
    There are no right or wrong feelings.

    We can express our feelings or stuff them. We can do it appropriately or inappropriately. There are consequences to our words and deeds that affect us and others.

    We can show courtesy and good manners or not. There are consequences to this also. It will be reflected in who chooses to keep company with us.

    We want the good men to step up and be men, and we want the notso good and icky men to happily go on their merry way without a bad word to say against us.

    How do we get there from here? I know how I got from only a married whackjob stalker in November to having the wealthiest landowner in the area loving me, with his competitors as my CDs. It started with Unconditional Love as my healing method from a bad marriage to a bad man.

    I didn’t discover Rori until this was all into play. She reinforces my instincts on most concepts, something my friends totally don’t understand. My friends give very bad advice when it comes to relationships. They settle for problem men and create a lots of drama and strife in their lives.



  430.  #431English Woman on July 16, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    Just listening to Cee Lo Green tonight…….I do love this track but not his clothes LOL!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jcezrzcqns

    I want a man like this, who is looking for a smart sexy lady to run away with, to genuinely and sincerely want him too………..



  431.  #432LobbyStar on July 16, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    For those of you who are honest about your CDing with your CDs, how do you answer questions about the other guys? (if you do.) one of my CDs knows I am seeing other guys and keeps asking me how it’s going, do I like the other guy, etc. How do I handle this?



  432.  #433Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    432 LobbyStar,
    I have had guys ask me this too…on the first date no less when I’ve met them online. I thought of it just as a curiosity they were expressing, but it still made me feel akward and uncomfortable. i answered vaguely but I should have probably replied that I feel uncomfortable talking about it? I dont know.

    I think it takes away from the intimacy potentential between me an and the new guy, to talk about others I’m dating. I mean really, do they think I’m going to go into a dialogue like oh this guy is like this and I really like this other guy….etc…this just turned him into my girlfriend, not a potential man in my life.

    Do they ask just to see how we are going to react?

    They don’t need to know details, just to know obviously that we are not exclusive and that I’m dating others.

    Hmm…you bring up a good question. I might be inclined to say, “I feel uncomfortable discussing details with you. However, I feel curious, why do you ask?”



  433.  #434Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    What’s the most sireny way to respond???



  434.  #435Patricia on July 16, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Lobbystar…

    I feel icky when a man checks in with me about who I might be dating……it often starts with “so are you seeing anybody” and then questions about it or if he knows him the download of everything that’s wrong with him…..often misinformation…….

    but I like the idea of responding with comments that say something like “I’m enjoying a full life….I like meeting many different people….I feel good and I like relationships that feel good and I like men that enjoy having fun…..more general “I likes” or “I don’t like” or “I feel…..”…etc than specific run downs or inventories 🙂 of someone else….I often find these types of guys do the same about my girl friends….asking about who I spend time with, gossipy types…..I feel icky when these come up……just my feelings as I read your question….



  435.  #436Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    Hmm…I just got the desire to make chocolate chip cookies. I want my house to smell like baking cookies!!!!!!!!



  436.  #437Plum on July 16, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    431

    I don’t want a man who competes with my dresses, specially if we go to Las Vegas. I want the lights on me
    he he

    xxx



  437.  #438Mel on July 16, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Yum Emerson!

    Now I want chocolate chip cookies! I’m so impressionable! 😉

    Too bad it’s so hot… turning on the oven would make it so much hotter…

    Maybe I’ll just have to grab one at the bakery 🙂



  438.  #439Daria on July 16, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    hello – yesterday felt fun!!! i went out with a guy friend of a siren… and it felt cool and fun and i approached a VERY vulnerable feeling subject…

    well i had thought he said i was beautiful but he had said something totally unrelated

    and then he didnt say i was beautiful he said i was “pretty” and i felt awful and shut down and bad cuz i thought he was just not trying to say im beautiful

    and then i wanted to leave

    but i talked through it and eventually felt better

    then i felt super brave and i returned a call from NYguy who was kinda treating me as a friend … he had had me come to him a long way on the train the first time… and nwo was asking me to contribute moeny for some stuff i wanted

    anyway i told him i Like him and im feeling kinda bad … i dont feel good to go to a man or be asked to pay for stuff with a guy i like

    what does he think

    it felt so awkward and hes like, ok call me

    and i said “uff. i feel like im chasing you! i dont want to call it would feel better to hear from u”

    so he says ok i will call u

    so now i woke up with a text from him!

    and he wants to see me

    anyway… i still have some stuff i feel awkward about with him

    and last nite i went out with NYinternet guy, that i went out with the night before

    and it felt fun!

    and i danced but then i felt a lil sick froma gyros i had eaten

    he came and had his friendsd pick me up and he took em back

    but he didnt kiss me

    maybe he wanted to

    he kissed my cheek 🙂

    it felt nice
    .

    tonite im going to the wedding



  439.  #440Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    yes, I will send you a link on the email



  440.  #441flower on July 16, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    i want cd as therapy but they all ask me out and stuff and i dont even have time , and dont want to most of them, i only want to keep sane as the fish still on the horse of mine , not sure i can shift this to ‘imagine he loves u whatever he does’



  441.  #442Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Daria it sounds like you’re having fun!!! Yay good for you and you’re being sireny!!
    I love giong to weddings! How fun, who knows who you’ll meet there??? Lucky you in NY!!!

    Mel, Yes choc chip cookies are a good thing 🙂 🙂
    hugs and warm thoughts to you, how are you doing?



  442.  #443Daria on July 16, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Ella – Rori encourages us to open up and “get heavy” as we can as soon as we can… and to then say “i want to stop” now at the point that we no longer feel comfortable… practicing to feel worthy of stopping and not “owing” him anything physically …



  443.  #444Mel on July 16, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Hey Emerson…

    Doing okay. More positive as the days go by. Still have my moments though.

    I actually went to the bakery because they have good healthy sandwiches and I don’t feel like cooking today. Their chocolate chip cookies looked a little overdone. I prefer mine soft and gooey ( LOL I like lots of things that way 😉 ). So I got a brownie instead.

    How are you doing?



  444.  #445Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    open up and “get heavy”
    Daria what does this mean…is this referring to physically or feelings wise?



  445.  #446Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Mel said: “I prefer mine soft and gooey ( LOL I like lots of things that way ). So I got a brownie instead.”

    LOL me too! Love it, well put.

    I’m doing pretty good Mel thank you! I think it helps me a lot to check in with the blog here and see that I’m not alone, and everyone is so generous and kind with their advice, encouragement, etc.

    I tried out a divorce/relationship crisis support group last week…I found it helpful. I may go back this week.



  446.  #447Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    432: LobbyStar says:

    For those of you who are honest about your CDing with your CDs, how do you answer questions about the other guys? (if you do.) one of my CDs knows I am seeing other guys and keeps asking me how it’s going, do I like the other guy, etc. How do I handle this?

    _____________________________________________

    I would like to say this is a guy thing, but I have to admit that at times when I was dating, I had women ask if I was seeing anyone, or whether I was dating other women.

    I think it is a natural question to ask, but not so easy to answer. It is natural to ask because you are, if dating to find a mate, looking at investing a fair amount of yourself, and possibly resources, into this person. When asking, I do believe that we all want to hear the other person say that they are not seeing anyone else right now because it then feels safer to invest yourself into this person.

    Imagine a guy who is bringing home about $1,000 a week, but he has a house mortgage he is paying, insurance, etc…. he has bills. So if he is dating you, and contemplating dropping some serious cash, in his opinion, he likes to know it isn’t being wasted as there is somebody else higher in the pecking order. Women aren’t the only ones who can feel used when a relationship ends.

    So honestly, I do think honesty is best, but keep the details to a minimum, and let him know that you aren’t serious with anyone though you do date, and you are honest about it. Then I would let him know that if and when it becomes appropriate for a discussion about exclusivity, a man should make his desires known because you never assume exclusivity. It must be discussed and agreed to.

    That’s how I would prefer a woman to handle it with me if I asked. I do assume, however, that a woman is at a minimum, going on occasional dates.

    Some guys get off on knowing that you are in a relationship. They get off on knowing that they are taking what “belongs” to another man. I’ve never understood that because #1, if she is willing to be intimate with somebody else, she isn’t mine. I’ve always seen that kind of mentality as “caveman stupidity.” I see it as immature. I’ve seen women do this also, which is where guys get the saying that when they are single, women aren’t interested in them, but as soon as they find someone, women suddenly appear out of the woodwork. There is something to that. I’ve experienced it myself.

    I also look at it like this. If I end up in a relationship with a woman that was already in a serious relationship, then how am I to trust her? Would expect her to feel the same of me. If I would cheat on someone to be with her, could she trust me not to cheat on her?

    Anyway, I just see that whole question as a person just trying to figure out what they are getting themselves into, and to tell you the truth, they are trying to figure out if they should hold back, or just go for it.

    I can speak about some of this later, but there is also a bit more on the subject of what some men want and will do if the woman is seeing other guys. I say some because again, think some get off on the competition aspect of it, and some loathe the competition aspect. And IMHO, those who get off on it have also been the type that are more likely to cheat, in my experience.



  447.  #448Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Is there a cookie that isn’t much better just a few minutes out of the oven?



  448.  #449Mel on July 16, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    448:

    Nope, no better. Those cookies are the BEST ones! 🙂



  449.  #450Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Anyone seen any movies lately? Looking at going to see either Transformers, Harry Potter, PotC4, or maybe the Green Lantern or Capt America.

    Also, has anyone seen any of these 3d movies? It will cost an extra 3 bucks for each ticket. Just wondering if something like Transformers or Pirates of the Caribbean is worth the extra money to see in 3d, and is the 3d even enjoyable, or is it more of a distraction and headache causer?



  450.  #451Mel on July 16, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    It’s so nice outside. Now I feel like going camping! Maybe I’ll have to figure something out for next weekend. Is it lame to go camping by myself?

    I’m actually kind of enjoying having the place to myself this weekend. Ex is “couch-surfing” and I’m liking not having to see him. We’re “getting along” well enough. He doesn’t want to see me hurting and is trying to be helpful and supportive. I’m just finding it hurts too much to be treated like a friend. Maybe we’ll be friends someday, but right now it feels bad when he’s around. At the end of the summer, wherever I end up moving (hopefully somewhere exciting), I think there will be a giant sigh or relief just not having to see him every day and continually torture myself.



  451.  #452Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    449: Mel says:

    448:

    Nope, no better. Those cookies are the BEST ones! 🙂

    ______________________________________

    and even better with a big ole glass of milk. 🙂



  452.  #453Rusty on July 16, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    Well, looks like I a going to go see the new Harry Potter movie on IMAX 3D. This should be good. Going to really enjoy this. I love IMAX but this will be my first IMAX 3D.

    I’ll let you all know if “I” think it is worth the extra 5 bucks a ticket.



  453.  #454Senior Lady Vibe on July 16, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    @416: Starla says:
    “…SLV i’m not sure i understand what you mean about calendaring… can you explain to me?…”

    I place icon stickers (I’m using animal ones right now) on future dates in my little art calandar. I do this as way to mark time for different reasons. Sometimes it is to give myself permission to do something on or after a certain date. Another reason is to see if there has been any movement in a situation…some things are hard to see day-to-day but after 3 months, 6 months, a year I’m often surprised to see what has happened.

    Another reason is to place a sticker on a calendar date because I’m drawn to that day or it “feels” right… and there is the hope that something good or “magical” will happen on or near that date.’

    And it’s kind of fun. Give it a try… put a sticker in your calendar for four months from now, forget your “troubles”… carry on and see what you think about that “trouble” in four months. You might be surprised… how far you’ve come or what new wonderful things (that you couldn’t even imagine) have arrived to bring happiness.

    After we’ve done this a few times our inner “spirit” learns how resilient we are. It brings power and a wonderful sense of self happiness.

    Magic.

    xoxo



  454.  #455Patricia on July 16, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    lol I’ve heard it said…..

    if you want to get a boyfriend, get a boyfriend

    also…if or when there’ been a break up a good friend mentioned to me something her uncle told her…..”sweetie the next bus will be here in 15 minutes”…….
    (meaning someone new will be right in front of her very shortly)

    🙂



  455.  #456kaitlyn on July 16, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Accepted a date for tmrw night. Bleh, I could care less.



  456.  #457Starla on July 16, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Thanks SLV



  457.  #458Starla on July 16, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    Wow, ladies, I have been needing extra money, but all my money issues are dissolving.

    And I asked ONE person if his job was hiring part time on the weekends, and next thing you know he got me hired to work on the weekends without his boss ever even meeting me. He just put in a good word and his boss said “sure she sounds great. let’s start her asap”

    But i turned down the offer.

    Something didn’t feel right..like i am not supposed to be working to the bone for abundance right now.

    i am supposed to be honoring something more spiritual than that. if that makes any sense

    but wow, the universe really comes through for me!



  458.  #459Starla on July 16, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    I felt so scared to turn it down but i am going to trust my gut here. things are resolving on their own. 🙂



  459.  #460Senior Lady Vibe on July 16, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    @457: Starla

    Give it a try, let us know how it goes.

    😀



  460.  #461Plum on July 16, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Marina

    *** But I knew there was a risk of him feeling betrayed in his trust of me. We talked about it later and he did tell me he wanted me to be on his team and next time I should talk to him first. I feel afraid I might have lost all of his trust and him alltogether, bc I discussed his situation and my opinions with his brothers + after I talked about it with him many many times) ***

    Huh?
    What about him betraying your trust?
    He used you to get money.
    He took your money until you read my post to Nini (alias Meemee) and you realized you had to stop giving him money, he was never going to give it back to you.
    HE STOLE YOU.
    I hope you did not apologize for telling the truth to his family, he is not on your team, he is not on their team, he is on his own team, abusing his family’s money and women’s money

    Don’t apologize or promess anything, this is the door mat attitude in this situation.
    Vote for yourself, please
    Your interest before anything else.
    You don’t want to be a teacher or a mother or a therapist to a man.
    You want a man who is already honest, a man who does not ask you to lie or hide anything from his family.
    If you can’t say clearly how things are, like for example that he sleeps at your place and takes your money, then he is abusing you, forcing you to lie.
    Are you willing to raise children with a man who wants you to lie? A man who does not want his reality to be known by others? A man who hates his own reality to the point he wants you to hide it from his family? What has he asked his family to hide from you?

    It is true that a woman does not discuss her man with others. That’s basic education, gossips keep you small in the world.
    But when a family needs to come to the woman because they are missing money and the woman knows she is also missing money, she knows he is playing everybody and he is not on her side at all.
    She votes for herself.

    You did well in clearing things up with them.
    May be not say what you think of him, that’s unnecessary judgments, the family will hold it against you in the future.
    But you were right to allow your reality to exist with no shame and to show your reality, to say how things are: he lives with you, he does not work and you gave him a lot of money.

    You are out of job, and he will not help you out, I think you know that by now. + You can’t be yourself when his family talks to you. Or anybody for that matter as he probably asked you to not ”betray” him with anybody. + You can’t enjoy your money because he took it. + You can’t go on Holidays, because he is not going and you think he is your boy friend so you think you should not go with another man. + You miss a man’s arms when you sleep alone. Etc…
    If he brings anything positive into your life, I have not read it. What I have read so far is that he is a negative weigh in your life.

    And be careful with your health just in case he sleeps with others.

    Does he receive unemployment money?
    Or how does he manage? Where does his money come from?

    xxx



  461.  #462Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    456 Kaitlyn – cool ! you’re going on a date….make it an excuse to get dressed in a cute outfit for YOU…and get all cutified! I can relate to your feeling of indifference…but what I’ve done is just say to myself “Fine, here I am. I am not that enthused. But I will go ahead and smile and do the waterwheel and lean back, and see what happens…and let him give to me…”
    It’s good practice for when you are with a guy that you really like…cuz you’ve done it before with one you’re not that excited about.
    Nothing grounbreaking here….just a reminder to myself as well.
    There is a guy that’s been trying to set up a date with me for a couple weeks, and I feel “meh” about him,,,but he’s so persistent, I will probably go and just practice on him! You never know! You may be surprised!
    Go Kaitlyn!



  462.  #463Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    hi SLV!! 🙂 I like your calendar idea….I tend to lose track of time, big time!! I carry a book-style calendar around with me, so now I need to get some stickers to put in there…and make some conscious effort to remember how far I’ve come, or how things have changed. I’m excited to try this.



  463.  #464Lilybelle on July 16, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    412:

    I haven’t bought the calendar as we discussed previously. You know, when I asked about choosing ‘special” dates. I haven’t had a date come to me yet. I could very well have myself turned to the “off” position at the moment.

    I am going to be “dateless” for some time to come. I have decided to turn off my profiles and spend some time re-focusing on me. I’ve been in boy eneergy for so long that I haven’t taken any time to focus on me and I feel a bit lost. Time to re-group.

    I do have a plan for this time…continue to work on my new pad…spending time just two doors down the hall in the gym…focusing on work and my PM classes, and eating healthier. Although at the moment, my son and I are baking chocolate chip cookies. I’ll start Monday. 😉



  464.  #465Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Starla, I know what you mean because I had a previous employer ask me to come back and work for them, and they’s work around my schedule etc…., so I could actually have two jobs and get ahead…or catch up rather…..

    But I said no! I thought about it and the amount of money I would make would not justify how burned out I would feel if I did it. Plus, I just kind of felt wrong about it because I felt I had already moved on from that place and on to other things….it just felt wrong to accept.

    Good for you for listening to your gut.



  465.  #466Emerson on July 16, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    464 Lillybelle…..choc chip cookies!!!!!!! yay!



  466.  #467Ice Princess on July 16, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    I’m sitting here in a bar with LP and I am feeling so triggered! I hope I can pull myself together and restart my waterwheel tool that I meant to be practicing.