The Art Of Letting Go In Relationships

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Another great guest post from my best friend and amazing relationship coach, Virginia Clark at http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com

by Virginia Clark

“We need in love to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily, we do not need to learn it.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

This quote isn’t about letting go of a relationship that’s not working, it’s about letting go of your attachment to a man that’s unhealthy and ultimately destructive to love.

You learned to form this kind of attachment when you were young — and part of becoming a mature woman is growing out of it.

Do you remember how you “loved” when you were a teenager? I do. I had “crushes” on boys and spent hours daydreaming about them. I not only longed for boys I saw at school, but I also became obsessed imagining myself with various young actors and singers.

I recognize this now and smile to myself when I see my friend’s daughters so enthralled with a teenage heartthrob like Justin Beiber. I was at the bookstore yesterday and a girl, maybe 13 yrs. old, was begging her mother to buy her a book on the 17 yr. old singer’s life. She pleaded with her mom saying, “I promise you I’ll read it every day!”

I didn’t think her mother would give in to her pleading, as much as she wants her daughter to read. I was right. As they walked away the girl was distraught and burst into tears. Her passion for this young man who she had never met overwhelming her.

As you get older, you may find that you form attachments to men that feel much the same way, I know I did for many years. If you haven’t grown out of this phase, you will find yourself becoming overly involved around men and losing your sense of self.

You will look to him for validation and feel devastated if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. When a man shows interest in you, rather than letting go and seeing what happens, you’ll feel as though you have to hold on to him as if your life depended upon it.

For years I tried to hide my neediness and act like I didn’t care around a man and be “cool.” But inside I always felt desperate as if I might lose him at anytime. I thought about him continually and watched every move he made so I wouldn’t miss any signal he might be giving me.

I felt just like I did in high school when I had a crush…obsessed.

But men are not stupid, they can tell when you’re hiding your neediness; when you feel insecure

If your tendency is to hold on too tightly, it’s time to practice letting go

I had to work on my self-esteem so I could learn how to love like an adult and not a teenager. I had to learn that holding on is useless and comes from need rather than love.

xoxo

Virginia Clark

Relationship Coach and Author

http://www.ItsNeverTooLateToMarry.com

 

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”

~Henry David Thoreau

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1 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 6:52 am

    aaaahhhh



  2.  #2Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 7:11 am

    Almost!!



  3.  #3Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 7:13 am

    “But men are not stupid, they can tell when you’re hiding your neediness; when you feel insecure

    If your tendency is to hold on too tightly, it’s time to practice letting go

    I had to work on my self-esteem so I could learn how to love like an adult and not a teenager. I had to learn that holding on is useless and comes from need rather than love.”

    Ah but how Virginia? How to do this?



  4.  #4Sassy on October 25, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Ohhhh boy, does this bump up against my poor little needy heart and brain…ugh
    Trying to learn better ways, maturity, feeling better and stronger about myself and recognizing what I need to make me feel that I can let to and let him do what he’s gonna do, because he will anyway!!!



  5.  #5Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 7:13 am

    FW: Yes!!!!

    🙂



  6.  #6Tam on October 25, 2012 at 7:14 am

    I want happy, happy, happy in my life!!
    I feel somewhat deluded…but happily deluded 😉



  7.  #7Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 7:18 am

    I just finished reading EMK’s book about Why He Disappears and he says the same thing about his wife, she was the “cool” girl.

    HTH do you get to be the cool girl if you have a crush on one CD? I know Rori says treat them all the same, but it is SOOOOOOO bloody hard to do that…..arrrghhhhhhh



  8.  #8Starla on October 25, 2012 at 7:23 am

    I took nice care of myself last night:) I went to the gym and did 3 miles and then I practiced belly dance for an hour. Then I cooked myself some broccoli and did some beauty rituals.

    Love to me!

    Then this morning I woke up and took some time to relax in bed and put on a cute dress and boots for the snow today and did my hair.

    No makeup today. Didn’t feel like it.



  9.  #9Tam on October 25, 2012 at 7:23 am

    SMB for me it is like this, for sure I have favourites but I treat them all the same as in I lean back and let them come to me.
    Even if I feel better about one contacting me than another, I just try to see it lightheartedly and not get too quickly into anything and so far this has worked well.
    But then, I am not really interested in any of my CD’s, and don’t have a real intellectual or physical stimulation with any of them. That certainly helps but also makes it more like a chore.
    Oh well, all practice.



  10.  #10Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Snow??!!



  11.  #11Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Letting go of someone you love can be the hardest thing ever!

    This post is a little upsetting to me though…I’m working on a post about letting go for my blog (comparing men to cigarettes…lol). Dominique just did a fantastic one and now Rori’s blog! It must be the topic of the day! haha! Maybe I should save mine for another time. 🙂 Grrrr! I was too slow…and just when I started thinking I would get back into the blogging thing again more consistently. Oh well.

    I did ask this on the other post but not sure people will still read that one with a new one up:

    Has anyone here ever entered the National Writing Month challenge? Looking for tips and tricks. lol It really makes me nervous to think about trying…I don’t like to fail…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  12.  #12Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 7:31 am

    #9 Tam

    Thank you, of course I get all this intellectually, it’s the bloody raging hormones that kick in when a hottie contacts me. Arrgghhhhhhhhhh



  13.  #13Tam on October 25, 2012 at 7:34 am

    SMB…well, be grateful that you have a hottie…just saying.. 🙂



  14.  #14Starla on October 25, 2012 at 7:36 am

    YES! Snow! usually starts dumping this time of year. I love/hate it.



  15.  #15Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 7:41 am

    ewwww…I’m not a fan of snow…

    It looks pretty in pictures though. And I wouldn’t mind it if it never got cold, there was no ice, no wind and it only snowed on grass and rooftops. 🙂



  16.  #16Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Wow Starla. I have mixed feelings about the snow. I am actually hoping not to have any here.



  17.  #17Olympia on October 25, 2012 at 7:45 am

    (((hugs to SM, Sassy, Tam)))

    (((hugs to the needy teenage girl in me that just wants to be loved)))

    Mercedes…I feel afraid of failing too, but part of the purpose of NaNoWriMo (or NaBloWriMo, etc.) is to let go of the fear of failing, and just write! 😀



  18.  #18Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I got an article written by Allana Pratt about Decluttering and Letting go of the Past

    hehe



  19.  #19Tam on October 25, 2012 at 7:55 am

    I have no plans for the weekend….urgh, I feel sad about that. It’s the pre-Halloween weekend and we always used to do stuff here…where is everybody?
    I feel bored about staying in all weekend…



  20.  #20Starla on October 25, 2012 at 7:55 am

    I always think about bloom-ing when it snows cuz she lives in the mountain wilderness, hehe. drive safe, mountain sirens!



  21.  #21Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Olympia: Have you done it? Did you finish? I write all the time, but not like that and not with an “end date” so I think I could do it but…I also tend to sort of stop in the middle of one thing and start up another. I don’t know.

    If you’ve done it, how much time did you devote per day/week, etc. Did you have the timing mapped out or did you just “wing” it. 1,166.67 words per day….eek! Did you write every day or some days more words that other days…hmmm….

    I’m a very analytical person. lol I can’t really get my head around how to do this without a plan and I can’t get my head around a plan. haha!

    And after this, I will ask my questions on that site rather than hijack RR’s blog for my own little (potential) goal here. haha!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  22.  #22Olympia on October 25, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Tam, is there are bar or a club doing a Halloween party near you that you would feel comfortable dressing up and going to?

    I like to hear about what people are going to be for Halloween! What costume would you wear if you went out?



  23.  #23Tam on October 25, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Olympia, well not really as I also don’t have a car right now, and it feels uncomfortable for me to go out at night alone in the city with taxis and also dressed up….don’t know…and I don’t have a costume and would just go normal this year….

    I intend to go out in the daytime and just do some fun activities, just that I do not like to sit alone at home on the weekend evenings, oh well.
    It will be ok, just a little boring.



  24.  #24Emerson on October 25, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Hmm what is a tool that can help us do what virginia suggests?



  25.  #25Emerson on October 25, 2012 at 8:10 am

    I have been feeling a block like I’m frozen and nothing is moving forward. I need to shift but it’s not happening



  26.  #26Francesca on October 25, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Letting go…exactly what I am doing this week.

    And it’s not that hard, really.

    I feel comfortable letting go.

    I keep busy and take care of myself.

    I educate myself, watch all sorts of videos and read stuff from Rori and other people.



  27.  #27Tam on October 25, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Yep, letting go is, when one gets the hang of it, actually a pretty cool concept.
    It feels freeing.
    Like ‘whatever happens, I will be totally ok’
    It’s a bit like accepting the changes in life and the fact that there is nothing we can do to stop change and just accept it…
    Letting go feels a little painful and at the same time so good and comfy. Yeah!!



  28.  #28Olympia on October 25, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Emerson, I found it really helpful a couple weeks ago when I was feeling particularly needy to go through the tools in the “power & self-esteem” section of the blog. I felt empowered by writing out a list of all the things that I wanted that had nothing to do with a man, and then all the little action steps that it takes to get there. Knowing that I had so many things I could turn to, instead of putting my masculine energy to him was so helpful. I carry the list around in my bag, so when I start getting itchy to call, or plan something to do with him, or obsess over him, it helps refocus my thoughts into something productive that makes me be even more who I want to be!



  29.  #29Heart on October 25, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I feel irritated by this post…
    I want to go all Boy Energy and be like – Thanks for the tip Sherlock.
    You can’t Will yourself to let go!
    Oooh I feel Grouchy.



  30.  #30Francesca on October 25, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Emerson,

    How about doing or planning to do things that you enjoy?

    I like:

    Cooking
    Watching my fave shows on the internet
    Watching videos on YouTube
    Doing my nails
    Reading
    Walking
    Singing silly songs that I sometimes make up
    Practicing my driving skills with a friend
    Watching Rori’s Commitment Blueprint and taking lots and lots of notes
    Working out



  31.  #31Emerson on October 25, 2012 at 8:43 am

    I don’t know how to keep up with all my responsibilities and still cd



  32.  #32Starla on October 25, 2012 at 8:44 am

    i feel good knowing that whatever happens, happens.

    i feel kind of light today.



  33.  #33Olympia on October 25, 2012 at 8:44 am

    @23

    ooh, I feel uncomfortable just thinking about being in a taxi in a costume by myself! It is too bad there is nothing nearby in your neighborhood!

    Being in Florida during the day sounds so nice though, maybe you will be surprised by then what comes up for the weekend nights!



  34.  #34Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Emerson – Rori does have a tool about imagining leaning back and opening up your palms and think of letting a man or something go.



  35.  #35Emerson on October 25, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Thank you Francesca and Olympia !!! I feel touched by your replies! Great idea … I love lists 🙂



  36.  #36Belle on October 25, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Emerson and SM –
    What worked for me is to just tell the truth all of the time as much as possible, even if only to myself.

    I say I’m feeling needy and insecure when I do, out loud, in front of people.
    The world doesn’t stop spinning, the ceiling doesn’t come crashing down.
    Also, saying I respect his need to be free and not committed, and watching him walk away from me…then staying with myself and NOT abandoning myself and noticing that I lived through it..
    did amazing magical wonders for my self-esteem.

    Slowly but surely I’ve been letting go of the toxic guy I’ve been attached to by being honest, especially about how I feel and what I want.

    I work with him! And today I will ask my supervisor to help me find another job – no matter what he says or does, the simple act of asking will raise my self-esteem.



  37.  #37Starla on October 25, 2012 at 8:49 am

    I like the skydiver visualization…. i can’t remember if daria or rori came up with it but it’s a fabulous tool!



  38.  #38Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 8:50 am

    The Way To Keep A Man Is To Let Go Of Him
    All this is completely different from letting HIM go! Letting go of a man is really all about letting YOURSELF go.

    Think of it this way: You are letting go without even considering what HE’S doing. You are refusing to hold on to anything about this man.

    Yes – this is going to feel almost completely the opposite of everything you’ve been taught and told. But I know if you try it you’ll feel better, and you’ll get so much better results with a man.

    So, let’s get started with the HOW TO of this – let’s start with a short list of what holding ONTO a man looks like:

    You think about him, even when you’re doing something or are somewhere where there are other things to look at and think about
    You go from thinking about him to wanting him – like you would a glorious piece of chocolate fudge brownie
    You analyze every move he makes and everything he says, and every move you make and everything you say
    You initiate contact – calling him, leaning in for a kiss, hugging him, sending emails, texts, cards…
    You worry about everything you do and say and everything that happens out of fear it will push him away
    There are a bunch more – very subtle things, too – but for now take a look and see if you’re doing any of this.

    Spend today noticing if you’re doing any of the things on this list – just notice, and make a list of what you notice, when you notice it, what’s happening. See if you can find a pattern and write that down, too.

    Next, we’ll work with how to get out of this awful pattern…

    The truth is, when we’re holding onto a man, it’s we who are stopped cold. It’s like he’s dragging us along wherever he goes.

    We’ll follow him even into the pits, because that’s what we’ve all been trained and taught to do our whole lives.

    So it’s not a matter of watching him go off somewhere when he withdraws. It’s not about LETTING him go, it’s about letting go of something – anything – that’s “moving away” from you…

    …so you can go in your OWN direction!

    …so you can keep doing what you need to do to take care of yourself!

    And what happens when you do that? All of a sudden a man turns around and has to be with you! All of a sudden you completely lose that aura of clinginess and desperation…and you look CONFIDENT!

    And that changes everything.

    So, I Want You To:
    Imagine that at this moment, you’re holding onto a man – his shirt, his leg, his shoulders, his thoughts, his hair, his eyes.

    What does that feel like? Really imagine it (keep your eyes open!) in every sensual detail: what it feels like to feel your whole body locked into trying to hold onto him.

    Notice how your whole body is almost in “survival mode” trying to keep him from moving away. Notice how you’re trying to keep him doing what you want – almost as if he’s a doll, or a puppet that is not obeying you.

    Feel the confusion you feel – the total exasperation of NOT KNOWING why he’s moving away from you emotionally – and just wanting to DO ANYTHING to makes him stand still and LISTEN to you.
    Now, just open your hands. Let go. Now…
    Turn around.
    Focus on something else in front of you.

    Practice this Tool several times a day and especially when you’re feeling that desperate need to hold onto him.
    It has taken a long time to develop the habit of holding onto a man, and you need time to create a new pattern of learning to let him go. Once you do, you’ll find that it takes next to no effort on your part for a man to want to come closer and closer… to the point that the RIGHT man won’t ever let YOU go.

    Get Him To Want To Hold Tightly Onto YOU
    If you’d like some extra help sticking with your plan to get the commitment you want by staying on your very own BRIDGE to Happy Ever After, check out my Commitment Blueprint program.

    For now, every time you even think about a man who’s not right in front of you or on the phone with you, try the Tool I explained above. Just open your hands, turn around, and focus on something in front of you.

    And let me know what happens.

    Love, Rori



  39.  #39Belle on October 25, 2012 at 8:51 am

    OOOhhh…it’s making more sense to me now.
    By being more and more and more honest, and more certain of what I want and deserve, I’m less and less and less of a match for a toxic, shady man who isn’t honest and isn’t certain of what he wants.

    It becomes less and less attractive to me, it’s built in to the process, I don’t even really have to try to let go, it just happens as I continue to focus on me 🙂



  40.  #40Dominique on October 25, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Feminiewoman – 16 – I second this. So far it’s been a very mild fall right on the heels of a very hot and humid summer (can I be more in love lol). I would feel ecstatic if the weather stayed just like this all the way until March or April. Yes please.

    xxoo



  41.  #41Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 8:59 am

    #36 Belle and #38 FW

    I haven’t even had a date with this CD yet!!! This is ridiculous and I haven’t felt like this about any man in a long time, a REALLY long time.

    Open my hands, let GO, turn around and turn my back and FOCUS on what is in front of me………



  42.  #42Dominique on October 25, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Tam – 27 – “whatever happens, I will be totally ok” – love this, yes…

    xxoo



  43.  #43Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 9:01 am

    #37 Snowy Starla

    I haven’t heard of the skydiving tool??

    I LOVE the snow, especially when it has just fallen and is soft and white and all around the sounds are muffles and everything in the world is just so peaceful and quiet. 😀



  44.  #44Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 9:05 am

    *muffled



  45.  #45Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 9:09 am

    From the previous thread, my attempts at FM’s to get men who message back and forth sometimes for weeks to meet for an actual DATE:

    “It would feel better to meet in person than messaging/texting as I am feeling burnt out.”

    “I feel better meeting in person rather than lots of texts.”

    “I feel texting can be fun, but I feel it’d be better to meet in person.”

    “I feel better to meet men than constantly text.”

    What do you think?



  46.  #46Emerson on October 25, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Thanks fw
    I’m feeling preoccupied with the logistics of my life and not feeling like I have the luxury to just “be”



  47.  #47Starla on October 25, 2012 at 9:13 am

    I like the snow a lot more now that I have a warm car 😀



  48.  #48Emerson on October 25, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Thanks belle
    Silver moon I like “it would feel good to meet in person. as Im feeling burned out on texting and email.”



  49.  #49MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 9:15 am

    The man got invited by roomie to go to the bar to meet some girls roomie knows, and he turned down the invite. I gave exactly zero input. He just decided it was something he didn’t want to do.

    ((((((((him))))))))) <3 I feel safe, and loved. I feel appreciation and admiration and respect.

    I feel appreciation for him telling me about it. I feel admiration of his choice. I feel respect for him making his own decisions. I feel loved to know, looking back to the night he said roomie went to the bar, he spent the evening text flirting with me. I feel safe thinking of all of this.

    I brought this over from the other thread because I believe it applies here. I have very little "hold" on the man. The only hold I have is that I know I chose a good one. I practice allowing him to love me and having zero control over what he does. I do everything I do, and say everything I say based on my own feelings and what's best for me. I may even take it "too" far sometimes. I know I have come across as willing to "give up" easy, or maybe even as far as to seem like i'm not totally invested. Sometimes I feel disconnected. I am feeling progress in that. Feeling more connected and knowing I don't have to feel attatched, to feel connected.

    Looking at this now…The beauty, to me, is when I have no hold on him, his decisions become choices for himself. Because he loves me, a: going to a bar to meet girls with roomie does not feel like a good choice to him. It is not what he wants to do. b: he does not feel any need to "rebel" against my control, and go anyways. c: Even if I did ask him not to go, and he honoured that, I would feel like he was just obeying and missing out on something he wanted to do.

    This means, to me, that he is being himself, and true to what he wants. It shows me his true character. I feel especially good because I don't have any question in my mind that he did what he wanted, and not because it is what I would have wanted.



  50.  #50Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Feels hard to just let go..
    Saying that we barely speak much or spend time together anymore..
    Yet he’s always on my mind..



  51.  #51Starla on October 25, 2012 at 9:16 am

    the skydiver tool is where you imagine that you’re a skydiver and he’s strapped to your back, and you pull the cord and he just flies off your back, like a big weight just flying right off, he zips off into the air, whoosh.



  52.  #52Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Why do I feel so silly replying to normal, civil texts with feeling messages.
    Than you, I feel appreciative – just doesn’t sound like me. So to me it sounds like a ‘fake me’.

    I replied “Thanks, must be doing something right if they’re letting them observe my lessons. Feels good”

    But its literally taken me all day to send that because I’m wary about what to say. Also still a bit angry about things so it seems strange being civil back.
    What is this.. ‘letting him get away with it’ feeling I get by being ok with him when I feel hurt about the things he’s said/done. Control issues? Unresolved issues?



  53.  #53Mel on October 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

    SMB,

    “Texting can sometimes feel a little mysterious and intriguing at first, and I have enjoyed our conversations. But sometimes words on a screen make me feel a little antsy, impatient even… I’m just a girl… And I feel the kinetic energy building in my body, and I feel like I’m “paused” and I want to be on “play’. Meeting would feel exciting for me. It would feel good to visit and chat in person, to see how things feel. What do you think?”



  54.  #54MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 9:23 am

    mmmmmmmm

    I love snoemw! I get my pass for snowboarding this weekend wooooooot! 🙂 I feel stoked!



  55.  #55Francesca on October 25, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Ooooh I love the skydiver tool!

    So freeing! 🙂



  56.  #56MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 9:25 am

    lol @ snoemw 😉

    SNOW! I love snow…

    Got a little TOO excited there.



  57.  #57MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 9:27 am

    SG

    I preferr your actual response to the first one. If it feels inauthentic, chances are it will come across that way.



  58.  #58Mel on October 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Miss Stix,

    I thought of you yesterday.

    I sometimes carpool with Mr A. When we take my car, I ask him to drive, because I feel happy to be the passenger.

    On the way home, he said “Oh Baby, looks like you’re a little low on gas. Want me to fill you up?”

    And my fiercely independent self resisted at first… “it’s okay, you don’t have to put gas in my car.” It felt weird… as if accepting gas meant I couldn’t take care of myself.

    He continued: “I know I don’t *have* to… but I want to.”

    Me: “Okay, I feel happy to accept your gas gift.”

    Him: “Good. You’re a funny one.”

    I feel like I’m getting better at accepting more romantic things… flowers, small gifts, etc. But I still need to work on receiving the more practical stuff. It DOES NOT mean I am any less independent.

    He offered to buy me winter boots… that felt weird too. I want them…. what is this resistance about?



  59.  #59Olympia on October 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

    @53 Mel — so creative, I love it!

    @51 Starla — heehee, I feel the skydiver image more viscerally, even better than riding off on my horse, leaving my ex in the dust 😉

    (((Simply Goddess)))

    Yay Miss Stix!

    @21 – Mercedes, I have attempted it in the past, but it was always when I was in school, so it was too much with finals approaching. I am trying again this year, so let me know if you want a writing buddy!

    I feel ok with the idea of stopping and starting. What if you mapped out a plan to free write 1,500 words a day (so you would have some days as breaks built in), not trying to do polished blog posts, just free association. Then as you go along, you could highlight parts that are good and you’d have a lot of material for a bunch of blog posts all stocked up, how does that feel?



  60.  #60Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

    SG I see it as training him to give more to me by reinforcing good behavior using appreciating.



  61.  #61Mel on October 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

    I’m feeling a little insecure today. And it’s weird… it’s because he expressed his fear of losing ME.

    He said that he worries sometimes that all this “stuff” going on is too much for me. That I will want to get away from it all.

    And that has actually got ME feeling insecure… that somehow that means he will preemptively decide that he can’t do relationship anymore and say it’s because he doesn’t want to burden me.

    Strange how that’s a trigger for me. I don’t like people making decisions for me and saying it’s in my best interest. That’s happened a lot in my past…

    I want to release these insecure feelings.



  62.  #62Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Mel it sounds to me like making a commitment to allow as much love and positive energy as possible to flow through you would be in order.



  63.  #63Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Olympia: I’m doing the novel though…not the blog. Which means I have to average 1,666.67 words per day. I think I can do more words than that on some days but…sheesh! What about writer’s block?? LOL.

    Okay…you know what? I’m just going to do it. I’m going to let J know he’ll have to focus on video games for at least a couple of hours per night consistently and then (hopefully) I’ll get ahead of the game and we’ll be able to go out some nights too. haha! What do I have to lose? I have 6 days to come up with a plot, outline and a couple of main characters. EASY!!! (rolls eyes). I got this. I’ll be fun to see if I can dedicate myself to writing for 30 solid days anyway. 🙂

    Thanks Olympia!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  64.  #64MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Mel- 🙂 Wooo I love to hear about being thought of!

    You know…I don’t know what it’s about, but I have felt it too. And I am discovering that the more I accept and receive, the easier and more authentic it feels. Just like FMs! I still feel resistant sometimes…It’s kind of strange, like even though he’s offering, I feel like i’m “asking too much”.

    So, to conquer it, I remind myself in my head “silly girl, you didn’t ask for anything!” and I force myself to think back to when I was a giver(before I knew it had negative effects). I remember how that felt…Good. Powerful. In charge. In control. Independant. Then I tell myself my man wants to feel this way. It feels good to him. Then it is easier to openly receive and really feel it.



  65.  #65Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Mel think of it as growing your self and expanding your capacity to receive each time you do.



  66.  #66Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 9:39 am

    #48 Emerson

    Thank you. 🙂



  67.  #67Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 9:40 am

    #51 Starla

    HA!! I love it. 😀



  68.  #68MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

    I also allow myself to feel excited about it. Even just writing it down: Yay! I received today and it felt good.



  69.  #69Silver Moonbeam on October 25, 2012 at 9:42 am

    #53 Mel

    Wow thank you though I’m not sure I would feel authentic with those words but you have given me something to play with.



  70.  #70Olympia on October 25, 2012 at 9:42 am

    “I force myself to think back to when I was a giver(before I knew it had negative effects). I remember how that felt…Good. Powerful. In charge. In control. Independant. Then I tell myself my man wants to feel this way. It feels good to him. Then it is easier to openly receive and really feel it.”

    @64 I am saving this post!!!

    Words of wisdom!



  71.  #71Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Mercedes it seems you might have already unconsciously decided and accepted that you will have writer’s block.?

    Hope I am not putting words in your mouth. eeek



  72.  #72Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 9:52 am

    I guess.. However now he hasn’t responded I feel a bit peeved..
    I hate text communication! With a passion.. I relate to what someone said in an earlier post. I feel on pause and anxious sometimes waiting for a reply.



  73.  #73Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 9:52 am

    SG: “Also still a bit angry about things so it seems strange being civil back.
    What is this.. ‘letting him get away with it’ feeling I get by being ok with him when I feel hurt about the things he’s said/done. ”

    I don’t think you should push down your feelings or pretend nothing happened when you are angry and hurt. I will let others here help with the feeling message part because I personally don’t think feeling messages are in order on this one. And, I wouldn’t be responding nicely to texts either. I think the things you have to say should be done in person and I think they should be “look him in the eye and show him how he made you feel” intense. But…that’s just me.

    If it were me, I would say no more conversation until you see him again (warn him though because you have been responding even after all those terrible things he said so just shutting off now would be confusing for him) and then, when you see him on Friday, blunt honesty.

    He stopped that pattern of trying to get at you because you leaned forward and sent him a fm text without telling him how you truly feel. Now, he’s being nice and you have not let your feelings go. You’re messages are basically pretending you don’t have those emotions so he basically knows he has you and all is better in your mind. He’ll be surprised that you are still hurt and angry because he’s back in control right now (or thinks he is since you haven’t told him about the negative feelings). But…it’ll give him some time to think about you and it’ll give him some time to miss you. No additional conversation between now and when he comes over on Friday….can he handle that? Can you?

    But…there’s also using feeling messages in text and on fb if that feels better to you. Someone else here can help you with what to say.

    Hope that helps a little.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  74.  #74Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 9:57 am

    FW: LOL!!! It’s all good!

    No…I don’t already have it but I do know that when I try to write consistently, day after day, I get it. I’m trying to analyze how much of that I get, how long it lasts and how quickly it comes. Then I need to determine how many words I need to write on those “good days” to make up for it. haha! (logical, analytical, mathmatical, scientific….)

    Getting started will be easy and writing for a while (days??? a week???) will be easy. When that hard stop comes though (and it’s never NOT come)…well…what is my plan for making up for that? haha!

    Anyway, doesn’t matter. I can do this. The last 30,000 words might not actually be a part of the novel or even form sentences but…I’ll write them. 🙂

    (or I’ll at least try really, really hard)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  75.  #75Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 9:59 am

    “You’re messages are basically”

    REALLY? “You’re”??? I wrote that???

    LOL…okay…maybe a novel isn’t for me. I can’t even call that a typo. That’s just straight up WRONG. haha!



  76.  #76Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Mercedes I am believing that it will just flow
    I am believing you are a pro at writing
    What do you believe



  77.  #77Mel on October 25, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Thankyou ladies!

    MissStix, that’s a great way to think of it… that I am allowing him to feel helpful, powerful, important. And you’re right, Im not asking for anything, so no need to feel bad.

    FW, it’s more of the thermostat isn’t it? 😉



  78.  #78April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Can anyone help me to put together a ‘no friends’ speech, please?

    The bits I remember are “I have feelings for you beyond friendship…..”

    but then I can’t remember any more



  79.  #79Goddess Lily on October 25, 2012 at 10:04 am

    I like this skydiving tool. The ironic thing is that I just bought a groupon for skydiving yesterday.

    I went to a Halloween party last weekend as Chinese takeout. Waste of my cute costume though. Hardly anybody was there.



  80.  #80Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 10:05 am

    FW: I believe I am a pro at writing who gets writers block.

    BUT…

    I’m going to reframe that and believe what you believe.

    (at least for the month of November)

    Until I get there though…I’m going to start on an outline! 🙂

    Thank you dear…for keeping me in the now!!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  81.  #81Mel on October 25, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Any thoughts on 61? I can’t quite figure myself out today… I feel it, but not sure why.



  82.  #82Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 10:05 am

    and for believing in me… 🙂



  83.  #83Daria on October 25, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I like surprises



  84.  #84MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Mercedes

    I do that too! rawr lol

    I know the difference between your, you’re, there, their, and they’re. Yet I STILL type it out wrong. Some mild form of dyslexia maybe? I think it’s some kind of short circuit between brain and hand maybe.



  85.  #85Daria on October 25, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Ohhhh Very good Virginia. First time I’m impressed w a guest post.



  86.  #86Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 10:11 am

    MissStix: Yup. We call it PEBKAC.

    (problem exists between keyboard and chair). 🙂

    I’m okay with those things when others do them (because I understand that not everybody knows and I have a lot of people in my family who really struggle with english, grammer and spelling so I have a lot of empathy) but when I do it…that drives me CRAZY!!!



  87.  #87Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I completely agree Mercedes. Exactly what I was thinking but you articulate it so well.
    No more communication. It’s ok, now I’ve sent him a ‘civil’ message back he seems to back off again and doesn’t bother replying. As you said. Feel back in control. It’s probably only the same as when he’s panic texting me and I feel more ‘in control’ and have less of an urge to reply. Hmm.. Not healthy.
    It makes me wish I hadn’t replied at all after I had sent the ‘its over message’ yesterday. At least then I could have saved everything till Friday.



  88.  #88MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

    mel 61

    I see truth in where you see the insecurity feeling coming from. I also see him reaching out for some reassurance. Don’t get into an insecurity circle! eeek!

    Get a FM going and catch it now because when he has NVs and insecure feelings he will be honed in on your body language etc. Insecure vibes from you could spiral that down.

    I just thought of a good possible approach. If you feel authentic to do it, you could just start releasing random positive Relationship centered FMs.

    “I feel confident to walk through anything.”

    “I feel safe.”

    “I feel solid where I am right now.”

    “I feel happy and comfortable.”



  89.  #89Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 10:19 am

    61 Mel I don’t see it as strange. I remember Rori saying to figure out what is your stuff and what is his and only work on your stuff. Remember emotions are contagious? Remember the amygdala? You have to choose not to go down that rabbit hole with him.



  90.  #90Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 10:20 am

    I feel it myself ladies.
    I’m in education. I would probably get crucified if I was as dyslexic in class as I seem to be online sometimes.
    What with the sticky keys on my keyboard, the predictive text on my iphone and the fact I’m usually really emotional or angry when I’m sending these posts it doesn’t half kill me when I notice the mistakes. Hey ho.. No-ones marking it.. I hope. 😉



  91.  #91Daria on October 25, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Oh ! I want to write a novel! This feels exciting! I want to be part of a group that always talks about it.. Is something like that on FB?



  92.  #92MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 10:25 am

    I am practicing the rori guidelines but I can see where I need improvement.

    I can rephrase to articulate the approach I would make as an example of a possible positive solution.

    In doing this I would support the comfort and freedom of everyones individual approach.



  93.  #93Tam on October 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

    no friends speech for April-Rose anyone?
    I would help, but my brain is a little tired ..sorry



  94.  #94MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

    SG

    I am only grading my own paper, so no worries here.



  95.  #95April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Mel 61,

    Perhaps it felt like he was having a liitle (feminine) insecure wobble. Not a masculine moment.

    Did you feel the loss of his strength and protectiveness?



  96.  #96MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Tam to april rose

    I am out of practice on CDing tools. Better at the “relationship” stuff.

    ummm…Thinking about it!

    Daria? Any thoughts? You’re good at that stuff!



  97.  #97Goddess Lily on October 25, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I use spelling and grammar rules backwards all the time….and it does feel worse because I do know better. I almost did it right then. I typed no instead of know the first time. I think I have a fear of appearing ignorant.



  98.  #98April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I need to get out of this cycle of helplessness.

    Of feeling eager for crumbs. Oh, here comes one a bit bigger than usual. Oh yes, please (sits up and begs).

    I want to feel in a powerful place.



  99.  #99Mel on October 25, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Thanks FW, MissStix… good advice.

    95 April Rose…. ah…. that makes a LOT of sense. I didn’t feel “safe” in that moment. I didn’t want to go into masculine energy.



  100.  #100Mel on October 25, 2012 at 10:35 am

    April Rose, who is the speech for? The man you live with?



  101.  #101Daria on October 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I feel kinda numb and in shock when i see others get truggered over typos I feel panick. I feel stony hardness .

    Ohhhh cooooool! I just got the most amazing insight.!!!!

    In my birth culture – something that’s bothered me for a few years now – spelling and grammar are considered evaluators of intelligence.

    I would Never misspell something without catching it – feel a lil warmth and tears – I So trust my detail awareness…

    I feel so bothered by that. It’s pervasive on the news Internet school speech. Making a grammar error = dumb. Like so dumb, it’s Required and Irresistible for the person to have it pointed out and made fun of or shamed.

    Like its the number one category people are judged on ( I like this guy but he can’t even talk right, can you believe it? He’s so dumb, I could never bring him home to my mom. )

    It’s an argument used against any logic or idea , oh you said that wrong so obviously you have no point or validity, get outta here can’t even talk right, filthy dirty unalphabets.

    Okie dokie! So annoying ! Keeps everyone to the ‘standard’ so that marginalized/underprivileged people have no right to be truly heard – open mindedly , cuz they don’t ‘speak well’

    I feel so passionate about this!

    I want people to hear each others ideas, not get blocked by ‘improper dialect’ class judgements.

    Umf!

    I’ve Neber heard this idea expressed, everyone is too involved and addicted to making fun of others language.

    There’s even segments on the news where they pick out people on TV who’ve made grammar mistakes and replay them to show how dumb they are.

    Pfffff

    I want to have a quick cogent slogan spiel about this to bring up in conversation w people and have it kinda nudge them awake, of course since its the truth.

    (((((( Daria )))))))

    You’re so smart and kind and..

    Deschooled!

    Go D go D



  102.  #102Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

    It feels good to be invited but I have feelings for you way above and beyond friendship so it would feel weird going along as buddies. What do you think?



  103.  #103Mel on October 25, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Miss Stix,

    I think I naturally went down the route you suggested. He brought home something nice for the house yesterday and I said: “Ahhhhhh, it’s beautiful! You are making such a nice home for us. I feel so happy here with you.”



  104.  #104April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Something happens to us when a man we love drifts away and then says that he considers us a “friend.” A good, great, wonderful, friend. We are so wounded in that moment that we BELIEVE it’s OKAY.

    We BELIEVE that either he’s not really saying what he’s saying, or that he’ll change his mind because he’s just scared of intimacy, or that WE’LL get over him fast and that we’ll WANT him in our life as a “friend.”

    We focus all our energy on NOT LOSING HIM. Even though he’s now only a “friend.”

    We feel a sense of loss so powerfully, that we put on our brakes and refuse to lose any more.

    And this just wrecks us.

    It’s us not willing to “give up.” And most often – “Giving Up” is the absolutely best thing we can do.

    The best thing for ourselves – our self-esteem, self-respect, confidence and power; and the best thing for the potential of the relationship. If the relationship ever CAN return to the romance it once was – it’s Giving Up that gives you your best chance.

    So when a man comes up with the “friends” line – however he says it – GET OUT OF THERE!

    I mean this LITERALLY. Don’t smile, don’t say how you “love him as a person” and “of course you want him in your life,” don’t say you “need to think about it,” don’t share your pain with him….because – he is NO LONGER YOUR FRIEND.

    Yes, this is pretty radical. Say “Oh. Well, you’re right, of course. Goodbye, then,” turn around and get yourself to your home, to your girlfriend’s home, to a dance class, the gym, the coffee house – just get out of there.

    And yes – he will call you. He’ll try to “make nice.” He’ll try to do what he needs to do to feel better himself, and he’ll try to do what he needs to do to KEEP YOU in his LIFE.

    Do not pick up the phone, do not return calls, do not return emails. Nothing. If you see him at work, smile and walk past.

    If he should manage to get you on the phone, say “This doesn’t feel good, I ust don’t have the time for a man friend right now, I have to go…” and hang up the phone.

    And do all this WITHOUT ANGER. Think about it. He’s done nothing wrong. He’s done nothing bad. He hasn’t (unless he’s a sociopath, and we’ll talk about that later) intentionally tried to hurt you. It just didn’t work out for him. He’s trying to “let you down easy,” and he really likes you as a person and as a woman and so he’s trying to keep you in his life.

    If he hadn’t HAD to – because the relationship had come to the point where he had to – he would have tried his best to NOT say anything to you. He would have “strung you along” for as long as he could. And not because he’s “bad” and “awful” – but because he LIKES you – appreciates how you add to his life, and doesn’t want to LET YOU GO.

    IF – and I say this very carefully – IF he’s going for friendship now because he simply can’t conceive of anything deeper right now with ANY WOMAN – and you feel totally tempted to wait him out, until he grows up – you are doing yourself a deep disservice.

    The absolute BEST thing you can do for yourself is to take him at his word. Friends it is. Wave Goodbye to him and get yourself back on the market Circular Dating, and work through your distress with my Power & Self Esteem Tools until you realize what a huge favor he’s done you by telling you anything remotely truthful when it was important to you.

    When you walk away, and get happy elsewhere – that’s when (IF it’s even possible for him to change his mind and all of a sudden feel romantic about a relationship with you) – he comes back.

    And Mariah – he’s coming back now – but still only as a “friend” – and you are still unwilling to walk away. I totally identify with you, I know we all do…and here’s what you do:

    1. Write a speech. It will say the truth. You don’t want to be his friend. Period. You’re not sure why he’s telling you about his love life, and you still care deeply for him and do not want to be his friend.

    2. When he calls next, deliver your speech simply, so that you can experience yourself as telling the truth and feeling powerful because telling the truth is ALWAYS powerful.

    3. Say Goodbye and hang up. Do not get into chatting, do not listen to him, do not ask questions, do not talk about your relationship, do not ACT like his friend. Do not revisit the breakup. Do not listen to his “feelings.” Say Goodbye and hang up.

    4. Go do something very, very nice for yourself. Something from your Channeling List.

    5. Get out there and DATE – work for YOURSELF, not to get HIM. As you do this – tell the truth and shift the focus – you’ll see – things will get better.

    Love, Rori



  105.  #105Daria on October 25, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Even goes to, why would you expect to have a nice house like me you Analphabet, you can’t even talk where were you when i worked hard at school you coulda to.

    Social and family influences not seen. In us there’s so much discourse about it what with diverse groups so I got luck to ‘get it’ and see the light and break thru this perception.

    I haven’t seen anybody else, intellectual or otherwise, do so yet.

    I have a lot to offer these people of my ethnicity.

    I can translate my novel in 2 languages.



  106.  #106Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Awwww, I a mix of feelings.

    I feel amused, happy, sad, disrespected, detached, proud, loved, understood, not understood, happy with who I am.

    I’m in the soup.

    Probably the most solid feeling is a love for myself.

    Woke up to a beautiful morning, the sun shining, steam rising, surrounded by my sweet family, knowing that I have lots of choices in the world and lots of people who care about me.

    And while it feels disheartening to be taken in a certain way, I feel better when I remind myself that what other people think about me is none of my business.

    Oh wow! I feel like jumping up and down thinking that.

    And I feel proud of myself for taking a risk and apologizing for my part even though it felt scary and vulnerable.

    I feel soft on the outside and strong on the inside.

    And I feel thankful for this work and approach and how much I have changed and evolved and grown over time. And I feel satisfied with myself and who I am.

    And that feels like heart lifting and expanding and floating into the air as a warmth encompasses my whole body. Feels like a big warm hug.

    Yum!



  107.  #107MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Here is a speech I might give if a man I had romantic feelings for expressed wanting no more than friends.

    I would say:

    “ok.”

    And

    “My feelings are deeper than just a friend feeling. It feels wrong, to me, to think about spending time with you as simply a friend. I don’t want to put myself in that space. I feel open to romance with you, and happy to have spent time with you, and sad letting go, but it’s what i’m going to do.”



  108.  #108Calypso on October 25, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Hi Sirens – I am back from a quick work trip to Chicago and oh my goodness – my son’s Drill Instructor appears to be in hot persuit of me – WTH? He is texting and emailing and calling me like crazy – outright flirting with me now. I’m sort of stunned. I mean . . . he is 16 years younger than me and lives 10 hours away, so no big deal, excepot he has my son in his custody right now . . . yikes! Lol

    I must confess, it is a little bit thrilling. He is a fascinating man – he used to be a sniper and he is very charming and funny, but . . . I’m not looking for any sort of relationship or fling with him, but I feel like he is getting attached.

    What have i done? Lol



  109.  #109April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Yes, Mel,

    The speech is for WM, the man I live with.

    Even though it was I who first ‘suggested’ we might be good friends and no longer lovers six months ago, I felt like I was kicked into the backyard and had the door shut on me last week.
    That was when he fell for another woman.

    That was when I physically felt him ‘check out’ of the relationship with me.

    Even though our relating has been the best ever since I discovered Rori and practiced the tools, I still find it painful to be replaced.



  110.  #110MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 10:49 am

    I tried to type that speech out authentically…How I would speak it, and I did! So now I want to tweak it (afterthoughts :p)

    Replace “letting go” with “moving on”. As I don’t see myself “hanging on” so “letting go” doesn’t really make sense.

    But that’s how he would hear it, so…I couldn’t have controlled that. I think the point is made. Self respect, respect of him, and zero desperation.



  111.  #111April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 10:49 am

    “It feels painful to be replaced by another. I miss your romantic affections, and have missed them for a long time, hence my dating others.
    I have feelings for you beyond and above friendship. I don’t want to be friends. I care for myself too much to accept that offer.”

    I feel I’m missing something out, but will keep processing.



  112.  #112Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 10:49 am

    And I think today I will focus on nurturing and caring for myself in the best ways I can.

    Some possibilities
    Take a walk
    Go shopping for winter clothes
    Laugh
    Take a bath and have a spa day
    Spend time beautifying my home
    Meditate and breathe love into my body
    Get a massage
    Dance
    Spend time with good friends
    Write in gratitude journal
    Play music
    Look for Halloween costumes.
    Yay! We took a couple month hiatus from the band and are starting back up this weekend and have a show on Halloween! I feel really jazzed about that.



  113.  #113Daria on October 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

    April Rose – replaced? Aw girl I would so shift that perspective .

    Lol . This feels amusing. I feel great that something’s finally happening and there’s movement in that stagnated relationship thing.

    Ouchie and how can I take good care of me… And … this means I’m healing.



  114.  #114Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

    Nothing. Is what I believe Calypso. He is a natural hunter. I believe it is what he does.



  115.  #115Tam on October 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

    I feel so grateful today.
    Grateful that I found out one of my CD’s is married.
    feeling grateful and warm that I have not received a further email from MrP, since I had clearly stated my ‘don’t wants’ as not having email communication right now – and he has respected that…this feels good.
    And it is new, before when I used to withdraw, he would come chasing and not respect when I needed space. This feels so much better, like in quiet agreement.
    I feel respected and heard.
    I feel accepting of what is and happy that I have time to concentrate on myself.
    I feel happy that I have cancelled both dates for today as I feel tired and exhausted and don’t want to practice tools tonight.
    I feel so good to be spending time on me.
    Aaaaah, what a relief.



  116.  #116Daria on October 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

    I wouldnt give any speech. I’d just ignore him till he comes to me.



  117.  #117Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

    (((April Rose)))

    I always feel smiley when I see your name.



  118.  #118April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

    “My feelings are deeper than just a friend feeling. It feels painful to me, to think about spending time with you as simply a friend. I don’t want to put myself in that space. I feel open to romance with you, and happy to have spent time with you, and sad to be moving on, but it’s what i’m going to do.”

    Thanks, Miss Stix. I’m trying this on for size.



  119.  #119Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

    AR – I agree with Daria



  120.  #120Mel on October 25, 2012 at 10:52 am

    April Rose,

    If it were me… the reason I would have difficulty being friends with a man I had loved would be the intimacy/attachment/hormone issue. I think it would impede my ability to move on.

    I might say something like:

    I feel terrible saying no to friends, because there are a lot of things I will miss if I choose to walk away. But I’m just a girl here, and I know that it will feel too difficult for me to be friends with a man that I have been intimate with. For me, there are a lot of feelings attached to intimacy… and those feelings cannot simply be forgotten just because the relationship is given a new label. It would feel awkward and painful for me to continue to see you as only a friend.



  121.  #121Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 10:53 am

    It feels painful to me – feels confusing to me. Also I found myself wondering what feels painful?



  122.  #122April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Daria,
    That could be twelve months or more.
    This man has strong will and pride. He won’t come to me. And I want him to know I am making a distinction between our relationship as friends (last six months) and a romantic relationship.



  123.  #123MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Mel

    It does feel good to see reassurance offered in the form of expressing positive feelings 🙂 I believe he will gain more security from that and naturally drop the worry.



  124.  #124April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Mel
    That is beautiful and I am crying now.



  125.  #125April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 10:56 am

    FW,
    It feels painful to stand there in front of you and see your arms and not feel them wrapped tightly around me. I feel unhugged. I feel undesirable.



  126.  #126Mel on October 25, 2012 at 10:56 am

    (((April Rose)))



  127.  #127MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

    AR

    Feel happy to offer perspective!

    I did envision that speech in the form of response though…I envisioned a man speaking his truth and then responding to it. So I don’t feel as secure in it as a way to bring it up…



  128.  #128April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

    It’s the being kicked out of his ‘forever’ space that hurts.

    I had it. He was in it with me for life, he said.

    I just didn’t know how to ask for more than crumbs, or how to deal with his withdrawing.

    I dated another man. That turned WM off.
    I enjoyed the company of the other man more, actually!



  129.  #129Tam on October 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

    April Rose, did he ask you to be ‘just friends’? Because if he didn’t, and he just kind of checked out…and it was me, I would be inclined to agree with Daria. I would also just get myself busy and if he came to me with anything, such as a ‘friendship offer’ or anything else, then I would speak with feeling messages.
    What do you think?
    And:
    Do you want him back, seeing that you were the one who wanted to be friends before?
    Or is it just the feeling of hurt that he went with another woman?
    I sometimes get those two confused.



  130.  #130Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

    ‘ I miss your romantic affections, and have missed them for a long time, hence my dating others.’

    Thus to me reads like explaining due to guilt. Eek . I feel triggered reading it. I assume a persons triggers will jump on me to beat me up and shame me as that’s what I’m inviting.

    Spasm



  131.  #131Tam on October 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

    128, ok that is the answer then April Rose. Find a guy that you enjoy….CD…and see what happens? I would feel excited to find someone whose company I enjoyed more…the possibilities are endless!!



  132.  #132Calypso on October 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

    FW – I’m sure you are right. So do you think it is ok for me to just try to relax and enjoy being his prey? I’m a little freaked out, but even as I’m typing this, I’m smiling. It is helping to make me feel so much like a siren! I bet JC will notice a difference in my vibe tonight – he is taking me to an antique auction tonight. I have that “Cat who ate the canery” gleem in my eye right now – I can feel it. It’s from engaging in an exciting conversation with a very powerful man – whew – I love being a woman!



  133.  #133Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

    ‘I just didn’t know how to ask for more than crumbs, or how to deal with his withdrawing.’

    Beating self up – notice the ‘just’

    Blaming self by ‘keeping it real’ Smh Daria you are an excellent manipulator . We will heal.



  134.  #134MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

    I envisioned my speach as bringing the topic up, and suddenly it went from powerful and respectful feeling statement, to feeling convincing and “letting you know this” out of the blue.

    mmm perspective.



  135.  #135Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

    My cat is being my man right now he came to put his head next to mine purring and watching me type. I can ‘feel it’ I felt like when a man does it hehe. Hes not all limp on me he’s strong.



  136.  #136Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:10 am

    ‘I dated another man. That turned WM off.’

    Ouch beliefs and perspectives…



  137.  #137Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Ladies,

    I’m feeling stumped today when it comes to giving suggestions to others. I think it’s because I really need to take care of myself today and put some energy into my own relationship.

    Love you all bunches and see you on the flip side. <3



  138.  #138April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Thanks for the help so far. I’d like to ask for it continue.
    I’m feeling so appreciative of the input from you ladies.

    I feel in the soup.

    I don’t know if the pain is cos he’s now got another woman.

    I do know that over the last twelve months I’ve seen times when I could have committed to WM (and came sooo close to making the decision)…. and didn’t.

    I believed that a commitment from me would make things much better between us. But I didn’t make one.

    And I don’t know if that was self-sabotage, or the right thing to do.

    I do love him deeply.



  139.  #139Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

    April Rose – I wouldn’t make any masculine destinction

    You sound in a bad beat self up place and looking to invite more from him 🙁

    If he doesn’t come to you, oh well, more space for you!

    I ignored my dad and he didnt look at me and we didn’t talk for like 3 months practically and now he’s doing stuff for me and being nice



  140.  #140April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Laughing Goddess,

    You go enjoy your fathomless feminine mystical self, sweet lady



  141.  #141Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Committ to something that doesn’t feel good when a man us not beating the ’emotional’ door down to woo me, ouch what pain



  142.  #142April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Daria,

    I’m trusting you. I know you can smell out judgements from feelings.

    Thank you.

    I’m too close to all this to see ot clearly right now.
    Thank you for helping me to separate it.



  143.  #143Tam on October 25, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Said friend that I was writing about earlier has just drafted me into doing two favours for her also, one I had agreed on and she is pressuring me with time, and the other she just said: ‘I have drafted you in for’.
    That feels icky to me.
    She has done me favours also, but I never just assumed.
    I feel weird about this, like I had no choice….it was not a question but an exclamation mark.
    Strange.
    I feel unheard and unasked, like I don’t even have a chance to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ because it was not a question.
    EEEEK!!



  144.  #144Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

    I love my bloated icky face

    I feel so uncomfortable



  145.  #145Tam on October 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

    This keeping boundaries is especially hard when people only know you without good boundaries….because then it becomes even harder to actually enforce them. What a test.



  146.  #146MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Still grading my own paper.

    I no longer “move on” from anything.

    Gosh…I am feeling blocked on how to envision this. I admit I don’t like the “my horse” tool. I want to say I don’t move on, I shift my direction, but this feels wrong too. I am still going the same direction. Maybe I just “keep on walking” and if he veers off I keep on walking. Feeling how that feels. But still walking. If he comes up beside me again, feel how that feels and keep on walking?

    I dunno. Not quite right. But I do like to envision the man walking beside me.



  147.  #147Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Yeah April Rose if hit done dates pronto, it’s like a diff world after



  148.  #148Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

    ‘I’d hit some dates’



  149.  #149April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

    I am feeling angry at being kicked out.

    And furious that he did not beat my door down to be with me.

    FOR F*CKS SAKE, IS THIS MAN BLIND? HE F*CKING LIVES WITH A GODDESS.

    I feel furious.



  150.  #150Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Miss Stix – sounds like the bridge tool



  151.  #151Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

    April Rise – kicked out? I’d look shift and heal



  152.  #152April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 11:22 am

    I am in my own opinion an absolute giant when it comes to leaning back and feeling messages!

    I am working Rori’s tools like never before. And with WM.

    I could never get out of my masculine pattern with him before.



  153.  #153Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 11:27 am

    I changed my profile picture on facebook.. I had a new one from Saturday night when I went out with friends, looking super hot of course. 😉
    I got 13 likes in a matter of minutes from guys on my facebook – I put it down to me being ‘single’ now.
    Soon as I did I got a text from him saying “Sort your head out with you profile picture on facebook!!!”
    Then “Serious question! What is going on with you? Are you seeing someone else because that’s the idea I’m getting you know!”

    I change my facebook picture often. Don’t usually get a response like that. It’s like he feels threatened. 🙁 I love him.



  154.  #154Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Daria; I don’t know if they are on fb or not but you can sign up at their website:

    nanowrimo . com

    (added spaces because I have no idea if I can post links here without going to moderation)

    I’m new so I can’t be much help but maybe I can support. 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  155.  #155MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Daria

    It does! I had forgotten about that 😉 hmmm although I am seeing a pretty dirt road with many forrests and meadows and farmlands and pretty cottages along the way. Maybe the occasional little wooden bridge. Yes. I like this vision. I can stick to this road.



  156.  #156Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

    “Sack it, I want it over fast instead of you playing head games!! Are you going to be in later when I finish for my stuff?”

    🙁



  157.  #157MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 11:47 am

    SG

    It is becoming very clear he is very focused on you. And you on him 😉

    In this space I would probably continue to lean back and observe. Not respond to anything that felt bad. I would continue to change my pic if it felt good to do so. I would ensure I had no urges to do it to make any statement to him. If I did feel those urges I would refrain.

    I would not respond to his projections, and perceptions. Although I might say “It feels irritating to see assumptions being made. I hear you, but I feel exhausted.”

    You don’t have to respond at all if you don’t want to.



  158.  #158Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 11:51 am

    The pic change wasn’t aimed at him at all. It’s my most recent one from the weekend. He doesn’t usually respond like that and I would never expect him to.
    Even his mother added me back on fb and is saying he’s messaged her and gone ‘ape’.
    I don’t know how to respond.
    I can only imagine he’s feeling tense from the relationship change – which he instigated.



  159.  #159Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Thanks Mercedes 🙂



  160.  #160Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:53 am

    I want to have that feeling of sensual extreme power I feel when a man is leaning into me and I feel like I’m incredibly attractive… All the time… When I’m out in the world, by myself, etc



  161.  #161Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 11:56 am

    From his mum..

    the pic really doesn’t suit you, I didnt even know who it was at first so do me a favour change it. You don’t have to put pic on like that to wind him up or attract men you’re pretty enough. To be honest the first person that come to my head when I saw it was …….. (MEANING HIS EX GF) Xx
    Ring me xx

    The pic isnt even bad, you’d think I was flaunting round in my skimpies or something. I could understand if I was. I am in a black dress from Saturday night. Haha.



  162.  #162Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 11:57 am

    From his mum..

    the pic really doesn’t suit you, I didnt even know who it was at first so do me a favour change it. You don’t have to put pic on like that to wind him up or attract men you’re pretty enough. To be honest the first person that come to my head when I saw it was …….. (MEANING HIS EX GF) Xx
    Ring me xx

    The pic isnt even bad, you’d think I was flaunting round in my skimpies or something. I could understand if I was. I am in a black dress from Saturday night. Haha. Jes us.



  163.  #163Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    LG: I think your posts are still to me but I’m not being addressed so ignore if I’m off base here. You said you don’t want to argue with me about it and neither do I. I don’t feel sorry about anything I said, so an apology would be less than authentic.

    You apologized to me IF you said something that made me feel a certain way. It didn’t make me feel that way at all:

    “I do apologize if I said something that felt attacking to you. I do not want to attack you personally and I apologize if my intensity around the whole situation came across in that way.”

    I don’t know what you want from me going forward. I don’t want to argue either and I said what I have to say on it so…what are you looking for? I would like to help you feel better about this if I can but I don’t know what you want. Can you help me better understand?

    I’m good with dropping it and continuing to offer advice that feels good and comfortable for each of us and knowing that we do not feel the same way about how certain situations should be dealt with. You are much softer than I am. Your goal is generally (I believe and correct me if I’m wrong here) to bring a man closer right away. Mine is to let him know in no uncertain terms that I will not be treated that way and then, if he can deal with that, to bring him closer. I don’t think either of those approaches are wrong, I think they are just different.

    I didn’t feel attacked though so you can let that go if it was worrying you. I felt like you were twisting my words to make them into something I never said and I felt you were blocked to seeing Rori’s tools in them and so were putting down my advice even though, it exactly followed her tools. Unfair treatment as far as I’m concerned but again…that’s just how I perceive it. If you don’t, that’s okay…we are two different people with our own experiences, thoughts, feelings…we don’t have to see things the same way.

    If your recent posts are being directed at me, please help me understand what you need from me…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  164.  #164MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Ick.

    I’m sure his mum has lovely intentions, but I could not bring myself to do her that favour. I don’t know about you…

    Gawd SG you have a lot more patience than I do. lol Respect to you.

    I’d be all “it’s unfortunate you feel that way but I put it up for me and i’ll only change it for me.”

    and ps if you want to interfere in someone’s business maybe you could talk to your son about calling me a b!tch and my mum a C U Next Tuesday.

    :/

    pshhht.



  165.  #165Daria on October 25, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    ew i feel pist at the way his mom is talking

    shes probably trying to protect him haha from being riled up lol

    smh

    no more protecting men D wow that will be some practice when it comes to my brothers rawrr



  166.  #166MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    K I wouldn’t really say that 😉 I don’t have the guts in reality. To be confrontational like that.



  167.  #167Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    SG: How you are not exhausted right now? I can’t imagine having to deal with his mother too if she’s bringing up other women. sheesh!

    Still standing by “the best response is no response”. If he needs his mother to step in for him and try to put you in your place…well…once again…that’s not generally something that gets better over time…

    By now, I’d be on a serious phone/fb break if I were you.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  168.  #168Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    SG: RE 165 MissStix. I’d say it in real life. I’ll even do it for you if you want me to… 🙂 Be happy to!



  169.  #169Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I know Mercedes.
    However it makes me feel uneasy the thought of him being ‘riled up’.
    I just want to take the pic off now and change it back. Especially with his mum getting involved. Now I can’t though because it makes me feel even more uneasy thinking I have to change my faceook photo because him and his mum said so. :/
    She’s just text again saying “Oh my god I’ve never heard him so mad! To be honest, I thought it was xxxx when I saw it (his ex)”

    Nice one haha! What a thing to say. Can you see where he gets it from.

    Ahh.. I just wanna text him and tell him to not be silly. I love him the daft sod.
    Personally I think its nothing to do with the pic as much but more to do with all the likes from men.



  170.  #170Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    To be fair.
    If he had changed his picture and then loads of different girls liked it I would feel AWFUL, MAD, ANGRY, UPSET etc. etc.

    I feel for him 🙁

    What should I say. As much as he’s a pig sometimes I don’t want him hurting.



  171.  #171Calypso on October 25, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Drill Sgt CD just called me – holy cow – I can’t decide how to feel about this, but I’m still smiling like an idiot, so it can’t be too bad?

    he just told me he does not to be too forward, but that he feels very attracted and connected to me – he enjoys talking to me and hopes we can continue. he asked if I would mind exchanging pictures so we can put a face with the voice.

    I finally told him that i am a lot older than him – I confirmed that he is 32 and i told him I’m 48 – he said I don’t sound or present myself in a way that makes him feel like there is an age difference and that he is not concerned with it.

    This is crazy – what does he think this is going to accomplish? What do I? I don’t know, but I am enjoying the experience and the thrill of the dangerous attraction . . . maybe he was sent to me to help me finish healing from my man crack addiction to GM – I mean a SNIPER for crying out loud . . . has to trump a prison guard in the bada$$ category, right?

    I have issues – lol



  172.  #172MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Mercedes 167

    🙂 Rock on!

    I’d be feeling hot faced and fuming, but I still filter myself rather heavily. Especially with moms.

    Not my own mom though….Just other people’s moms. I can say anything to my mom. We’re well beyond formalities.



  173.  #173Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    SG: I don’t really know what to say. My advice is no contact. If you are going to contact or change the photo or do anything you are being told to do right now then someone else is going to have to help you with that.

    Personally, I wouldn’t walk away from this situation, I would RUN. He’s controlling, his mother is now trying to control you. Your future with this man (unless he decides he wants to change) is one of doing as you are told, wearing what you are told to wear, going where to you are told to go (and when), keeping care of everything (including his children) and generally just being available to ask “how high and over what honey” when he says “jump”. If that’s okay with you, then someone here can help you wtih the feeling messages. If you think you can change him for the better, I don’t know where to direct you.

    It’s time for me to back out though. I don’t know what else to say except run. Leave his stuff for him and run. FAST! And then, maybe work on yourself and use tools to find ways to be stronger against people who are hurtful to you. There are ways of getting yourself to a place where you will not only refuse to put up with this treatment but will also not feel bad about that. You need those tools.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  174.  #174Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    MissStix 171: I was married to a mama’s boy. I got the other people’s mom thing down pat! haha!



  175.  #175MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    SG

    The empathy is good…But I would desire to still refrain for managing his feelings. It wouldn’t be my responsibility. I could ensure the air was clear regarding his assumptions.

    “I see assumptions that aren’t true. I hope to continue doing things that feel good for me. It feels difficult to see a way around this. I hear that this bothers you, and I don’t have control over that. I would be honest with you if I was seeing someone.”



  176.  #176MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    I would also feel like I’d be wasting words. I don’t see the way this man treats women changing. But by a miracle…I dunno.



  177.  #177Daria on October 25, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    SG – i feel excited he’s “riled up” over the photo… his attraction is coming back! oh i wouldn’t go back to doormat now, i’d just keep doing what you’re doing!

    rori says men will ‘grumble’



  178.  #178MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Mercedes – lol My ex mother in law was quite distant in location and emotion. She had a young son with her new hubby (was pregnant when I met ex) so she was more focused on that part of her life. And G’s mom
    lives quite far away as well although we’ve met and adore each other. Neither of them the interfering type. Thankfully.



  179.  #179Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Omg you should see the text he just sent me over the pic. I told you he loved you, do you want me to send you the tex he just sent? I don’t believe it xx

    “We really had good talk and everything today bout you, to be honest I feel like CRYING for him. That pic has really upset him an to be honest he was so happy today and bet when he saw it it brought back horrible memories of someone.. (his ex) xx



  180.  #180Starla on October 25, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Must. Get. CF. Off. The. Brain.



  181.  #181Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    177: Daria

    I understand that. In a small way I feel like ‘Wow! He actually cares” but it’s being over ridden with the thought of him being really jealous, scared, upset.
    I know it’s only a photo but I don’t want him to feel that way. I also know I shouldn’t be concentrating on his feelings. Ahh this is hard!

    ..and thankyou for all your advice ladies. I really do appreciate it all. It’s kept me sane.



  182.  #182Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    MissStix: Thankfully is right! J’s mother is not close (as in lives many, many states away) but we do love each other.

    My ex though…mom…ugh…six blocks away (in a very small town…I’m talking regular city blocks) and used to doing EVERYTHING for him…cooking, cleaning, wiping his nose…it was AWFUL for me. I was nothing like her and he hated that. To make matters worse…his sister in law is the perfect example of his mother. Sooo…his brother got the dream and he got me….nothing close to being able to measure up to that. It was awful!! LOL. I’m so glad that’s over!

    Now, he’s seeing a woman who looks like me only with curly hair (not exactly like me, but we could easily pass for sisters) AND she’s domestic and willing to let his mother do whatever she wants, etc. HE has the dream and I am very, very happy for him. I always wanted him to be with the right woman for him. He seems good…which is good for me and for my children too! 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  183.  #183Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Mercedes: My recent posts weren’t directed to you. I was riffing and exploring my own feelings. Keeping the focus on me. 🙂

    I don’t need anything to feel better. I actually feel pretty great today. Really focused on caring for myself.

    I feel grounded.

    I do feel cautious. Not wanting to get poked or prickled. Not wanting to get jabbed. Surrounding myself with ferns.

    I didn’t really feel resonance with what was described as my goal. Close by not quite. I actually felt kinda icky reading that, like I was being subtly digged at. But it feels better to just let it go. And go about my day.Not get stuck on my ‘stance’ or proving a point.

    It’s really beautiful outside and I’m looking forward to getting out there and enjoying it.

    I feel good about things. I faced my fear of taking a risk and apologizing for how i may have unintentional affected someone and I feel really proud of myself for that.

    It felt vulnerable and scary and pushed me to see my own inner strength and realize that what other people think of me is none of my business.

    And that feels great to know!

    So thank you for triggers. I’ve learned a lot from the experience.



  184.  #184Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Ahh now hes put a status saying ‘Lemo vibes’ meaning drugs. 🙁 Argh!

    I don’t want that. He turns to it whens hes stressed.



  185.  #185Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    LG: LOL ok. when you said you apologized to “someone” and you said it in several posts, I thought you meant me.

    ” like I was being subtly digged at” – nope…not my intent at all.



  186.  #186Tam on October 25, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    I was feeling very serene and nice earlier. Now it is gone, my computer had issues and was logging ina nd out of the chat programme flippantly and then I saw MrP was on there..but I did not see that at first, as someone pinged me and my computer kept crashing, so I went on-line, off-line and guy I was chatting to said ‘what are you doing, looks like you are in and out like crazy’ – and then I saw MrP log off (as if me being there irritated somehow)- and for some reason that made me feel weird. Anyhow, so then I was chatting with this guy I brieflt dated whilst in Europe. Well, he never took intitiative or called so we only had one date..every now and then he would send messages like ‘oh don’t you want to speak to me’, or ‘we should meet again’ – but never did anything. Ever since I am out of reach, he has been bombarding me with chat messages….’oh you should be here’ bla bla and ‘oh should I come and visit’ – he is just playing and I have lost patience because it feels insincere, and I feel bad with it.
    So for the umpteenth time he askes ‘should I come there?’ (he never would, it took him 3 weeks to decide to take the train to the next village) And I said:
    ‘look, I am sorry but I don’t see this going anywhere, I feel strange continuing to exchange these messages as I do not want a long distance romance and won’t be back where you are for a long time, if ever’
    Now I feel grumpy.
    When I was there we could have gone on dates, and this chatting feels silly, like a game and a waste of my time!! Grrrr!!



  187.  #187Daria on October 25, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    SG – oh cool, i feel excited this is great practice for you to shift from ‘feeling sorry for him’ to respect

    i know how heartbreaking and painful it feels to feel sorry for a man. i bawl and cry loud and wrenchingly in my chest when i feel that

    it really is healing for me to cry and be there and be the one that stands for healing for all of us… after that there are shifts, to better relations, more happiness for all

    (((((woman emotion transformer)))))



  188.  #188Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    So how do I shift from feeling sorry for him to respect?
    Not respond, respond with feeling.
    I have the urge to tell him it’s all ok. I’m not seeing anyone. I love him. This is wrong though right?
    I feel so ignorant not responding. Like a mean b1tch.



  189.  #189Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    “look, I am sorry but I don’t see this going anywhere, I feel strange continuing to exchange these messages as I do not want a long distance romance and won’t be back where you are for a long time, if ever’

    so dope!



  190.  #190Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    SG: “So how do I shift from feeling sorry for him to respect?” – Respect needs to be earned. As soon as he does something to earn your respect, he will have and and you won’t have to shift anything…



  191.  #191Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Simply Goddess – heres what i would do

    yes i agree don’t caretake for him. imagine him as a hurting little boy (this shoudl get you feeling badly… and its not what will help him i romance)

    then CRY CRy cRY for that little boy. drink water<– yes drink water while/after crying is really important to let my body not get stuck with the pain and flow it all out

    2. make up an image of the "Powerful Masculine" get into what it feels like to be around that powerful masculine. now choose that he is that, no matter how unlinke that it seems. i just say to myself. well its true anyway lol. as much evidence as comes to the contrary. just doggedly and stubbornly hold on to it in the face of all odds

    whewh it works



  192.  #192Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Wow, was that for me? haha x



  193.  #193MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Mercedes

    o.O nope…I couldn’t handle that! That would be way too much for me!!

    Good to see that you are both in places better suited to you! 🙂



  194.  #194Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    MissStix: It was too much. And I didn’t handle it well…or gracefully…or sireny….haha! (hence “ex” husband…)



  195.  #195Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    i totally disagree with mercedes that respect has to be earned

    one of the key spiritual themes and practices on this blog is to respect ourselves and respect the masculine no matter what our programming says about judging and earning

    this is huge



  196.  #196April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Daria

    What do you mean look shift and heal?



  197.  #197Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    SG – no the quote was part of Tam’s post that i liked



  198.  #198Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    oops i got triggered into defensiveness

    ouch!

    sorry Daria

    i feel angry and hopeless and panicked!

    and scared! very scared

    people like tht will kill you! oh its ok i want to heal this, im healing this thought habit



  199.  #199Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    SG: This will probably work wonders: “I have the urge to tell him it’s all ok. I’m not seeing anyone. I love him.”

    But…then you’re back to not feeling right about “letting him get away with it” and with you still being angry and hurt and not communicating it.



  200.  #200MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Daria

    You are incredible!

    It feels so impossible for me to do that when I am immeresed in behavior that does not inspire respect. Though…I know it can be done.

    It just feels like too much effort to me. I can use this shift for little things (such as the man not owning a car), but this is a huge shift. I feel I would be putting too much energy into it.

    I believe in this case I would choose not to shift how I am feeling towards him, but to put all that energy into self focus.



  201.  #201Iamabutterfly on October 25, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    “Boundary problems occur when we get off balance and abandon ourselves. We need to learn to stay connected with ourselves and stay in balance no matter what moves our partner makes. This doesn’t mean staying in a relationship regardless of what your partner does. It means not reacting out of your own fear of abandonment, thoughts of unworthiness or feelings of guilt. It means making conscious decisions instead of mindless dance moves.”

    from: http://www.joancasey.com/resources_detail.php?ID=1043&Resource=5



  202.  #202Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    oops!! Yes Daria…I forgot about that particular teaching. I did not mean to go against Rori here on her blog again.

    I should have said “in my opinion, respect has to be earned” because I absolutely do not respect all people. No way no how.



  203.  #203MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    I *think it’s too much energy 😉

    Grading my paper. Today I get a B+ lol



  204.  #204Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    April Rose – i mean, like wow i notice this wording does not feel good

    “kicked out?” whats that all about, i don’t want to frame it this way, sounds like a mindframe/perception leading me to pain

    eeeh eeeeh ouch ouch

    i feel excited to notice and get a chance to tweak and shift it



  205.  #205April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I am learning to respect the masculine.

    And feeling my way through recent upheavals.

    Thank heavens I do respect him now. By choosing to respect him I believe I am respecting myself – my inner masculine nature AND my feminine.



  206.  #206Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Mercedes – wow that feels so triggering. thank you.

    i feel excited to heal images of you sentencing me to death because of not seeing my intrinsic human worth
    lol

    ***
    okay

    this is NOT true Daria. i know it seems like that people who express this will kill you, and that you see evidence of it everywhere, but its just a wound and it’s not true no matter what it looks like

    i bet i dont respect myeslf in places and that’s why htis is showing up

    ((((Daria))))

    i love your tightness

    we’re healing!



  207.  #207Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Mercedes 184

    Pretty much everything you are saying to me feels like a jab at this point. I wonder what it would take for this to stop?

    I’m a sensitive person. I don’t want to be spoken to this way. I’m really trying my best here.

    What would it take for this to lighten up?

    I want to feel safe here.

    I’m here to practice being feminine. Sometimes that feels vulnerable.

    I want you to feel safe.

    I want everyone to feel safe.

    I want to feel safe.

    I want to be a fern, not a cactus.

    Awww, even thinking that just switched my energy up.

    I want to be a fern, not a cactus.

    Thank you for the triggers!!!!!!!



  208.  #208Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    i sentence myself to death when i don’t respect myself

    (((Daria)))



  209.  #209Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    sorry Mercedes , i’m rereading my post and i have some anger/shaming directed at you that i feel

    i apologize for that, totally not your fault and not your responsibility what images get triggered in me etc



  210.  #210Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    i feel so angry about not being respected unconditionally

    breathing laboriously

    it feels so unsafe, i feel pleading, desperate

    twisting

    pff

    i love my labored breathing



  211.  #211Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    I feel so excited!!!!

    I feel like dancing around the living room singing

    “I am a fern!!!”

    This is such a great image for me and a tool of Rori’s I haven’t practiced much.

    I can definitely be a cactus but now I know how to switch back into being a fern.

    Or what was that word Smile taught us? …I can remember.

    I’m imagining a warm rainforest full of beautiful flowers and ferns and fruit and birds chirping. Beauty everywhere I look.

    And I encompass all of that.

    I feel full and rich and ripe.



  212.  #212Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    masculine daria says: Bracken 🙂



  213.  #213Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Thanks Daria 🙂



  214.  #214Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    All this talk about respecting the masculine reminds me of one of my favorite posts.

    Rhonda – this situation rings to me as “low class” – and not because he’s low-class, or you are – but because of the “drama” involved here.

    If this is your attitude towards him: “…I’ve tried confronting him several times about it, and nothing is getting through his thick skull. I feel like he has no respect for me” – then his “running away” makes perfect sense.

    You have to own your part of this dynamic – and that’s YOUR respect for HIM.

    And if he’s disappearing into social situations – then pretty much, it just says that neither of you have the maturity and skills at this moment to have a meaningful conversation that’s a heart-to-heart and not a confrontation.

    He’s not just going for walks and running at the gym – he’s doing stuff that he has to KNOW specifically puts you off balance and feels hurtful to you.

    You are BOTH punishing each other.

    You have to go first.

    You need to learn the skills of talking to him with respect and yet with your whole heart.

    You need to learn to negotiate.

    AND – this all begins with your relationship with yourself.

    So – what does that look like?

    Start with my ebook – and learn how to use the Tools by practicing them consistently with EVERYONE.

    Love, Rori



  215.  #216Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    This is very, very frustrating LG: “I’m a sensitive person. I don’t want to be spoken to this way. I’m really trying my best here. ”

    I’m trying my best here too. I don’t know what to say or how I’m speaking to you that is so offensive (or whatever the appropriate word is for how it feels to you…I don’t really know so I only use that word as my own assumption).

    I was trying really hard to respond in a way that you felt was open to me helping you with what you need from me. You said your posts weren’t aimed at me so I laughed a little and thought “oops” when you were talking about “someone” I thought you were talking about me. And then you said you felt something I said was a jab at you and I said “nope” (because it wasn’t a jab at you…it was truly how I thought you were – and I think it’s good to be that way – but I also, trying to make sure I didn’t hurt you, asked you to correct me if I was wrong…trying to stay open to what you really mean and not assume anything…)

    How is that all a jab too? I have no idea what to do here. Every time I type something I think is going to lighten the mood and let it all go, you’re back upset with something I wrote.

    As you said…I’m trying my best here…what can I do at this point?



  216.  #217MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    I do see a way to respect every single human on the planet in at least some way…At the very very least I can respect everyone’s basic human rights. But I believe, for me, beyond that it is an ebb and flow of earned respect. Meaning my respect flows easily when I feel admiration for respect inspiring behavior. It may ebb with other behaviors. But that does not nean I DISrespect anyone at any time…



  217.  #218Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Awwww…Daria…it’s okay…I understand how we can get images that are brought on by something someone said but not really by THEM. Happens to me too.

    I don’t respect everyone, as maybe I should, but I DO respect YOU. You earned that from me a long, long time ago. 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  218.  #219April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Daria,

    I feel excited too. I intend to end pain addiction now and forever.

    ““kicked out?” whats that all about, i don’t want to frame it this way, sounds like a mindframe/perception leading me to pain”

    Please help me to uncover my mindset around pain. Can I tap on it? Ohhhh….sob…..



  219.  #220MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Ladies…Say it with me now,

    “Thank you for the triggers.”

    “You’re welcome”

    .

    😉

    <3



  220.  #221April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    I’ll bet my bottom dollar that Laughing Goddess and Mercedes are of the two opposite communication styles (in Matchmatrix).

    My money is on LG being of the Emotional Communication style, and Mercedes being of the Logical Communication style.

    You can find out which one you are, on their website for free. It is calculated by birthdate. I do not know what their system is but I have tested it on tons of people I know and it never fails.



  221.  #222Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    MissStix: I don’t thank people for triggers. LOL!! I prefer a much quieter method of learning. 🙂

    I CAN thank for the conflict yesterday though. That difference of opinion and getting all fired up is good for me and I love it.

    Frustration today though is not so much fun for me. 🙁



  222.  #223April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    It also (on matchmatrix) describes the difficulties and discomforts in communication between two people of opposing styles.

    I feel fascinated



  223.  #224MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Cool april rose I feel really curious for myself and will go take the test. Feels fun!



  224.  #225MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    mmmm letting really is an art!! Because you can teach theory and technique but the result will look different depending on who is wielding the brush.



  225.  #226Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    April Rose: I don’t know what my communication style is on that particular site but I would also bet ANYTHING you are correct and it IS logical. I don’t even know how else TO communicate. haha!

    Thank goodness the people closest to me ‘get me’ or we’d be in conflict ALL THE TIME!! 🙂



  226.  #227MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    mercedes

    lol, noted.

    But either way all i’m saying is we are all heare to learn and teach in some way and we all have differences so extending the conflict looks like going in circles (to me).

    But, hey, if it feels cleansing in some way…By all means. Have at it 🙂



  227.  #228Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    ouch



  228.  #229MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    224

    Letting *go is really an art…



  229.  #230Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    how can i respect my inner boy when he ‘fails’
    and doesn’t do what he says

    ugh i feel so frustrated

    i respect my inner boy



  230.  #231Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    MissStix: It feels like circles to me too…yesterday was good…today is me finding it absolutely impossible to write the way I really want to come across…

    🙁 Maybe that will be good for my novel… lol



  231.  #232Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    April Rose – i feel curious which one i seem to you?



  232.  #233Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    (((((April Rose)))))



  233.  #234April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Daria,

    You seem to me to be Emotional communication style.



  234.  #235Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    ah i feel all triggered and panicked and resnentful and urgent and angry and confused when someone doesn’t follow the ‘rules’ / guidelines

    oh i feel so ashamed of my little rule stickler / tattle taler

    omg

    i feel like running away

    i awnt to beat the shit out of that lil nerd UGH I CANT STAND HIM

    i love my violent desires

    i love my little nerd boy

    i love my lil good girl

    i feel so cryiiii

    i love my cryiii

    i love my shame

    i love my pain



  235.  #236April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    But then again you may be a logical style communicator who has worked and worked to connect on a feeling level.

    Let me ponder a little more before my final answer….



  236.  #237Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    April Rose – hehe cool! i feel happy haha!

    i turned out “logical” on their test but I get the impression im both



  237.  #238Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    when i go intuitive emotional / riffs im emotional communicator and haha we here all know i do it well

    ubghahah



  238.  #239Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    April Rose – haha too late you got it tho eeh

    i feel ‘trapped’ with personallity box quizes and feel all triumphant and terrified blowing up the categories



  239.  #240Daria on October 25, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    tho for some reason i don’t feel so triggered by the Margaret Lynch / Rhys Thomas energy profiles

    i do think i have multiple ones of those

    we are all all types of ish and can shift w choice i believe eeeek this feels tightening in my chest



  240.  #241April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Yay! I want to explode the categories too!

    Freedom from labels, for all!!!



  241.  #242Miss Bells on October 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    To me, the Rilke quote means that we have to let go in EVERY relationship, not just the unhealthy and damaged, but also even the best and most loving.

    We have to let go because that is what keeps the love burning. Fire needs air.

    We also have to let go, ultimately, in death. Everyone you love will leave you one day–not by choice. Unless you are the one who dies first.

    We have to let go partly because if we are too busy holding on to THEM we let go of OURSELVES instead. And that is a tragedy.



  242.  #243April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    I love your words, Miss Bells



  243.  #244Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    i also feel triggered with uncomfortable feelings about

    well i feel guilt that i feel pist being told i earned respect

    and i feel all beamy and lit up being told that im respected

    and then i feel all powerful and lit up and good about myself *like a boy* that i ‘earned it’ from someone who ‘doesnt give it to everyone’

    and then i feel uncomfortable and scared and guilty and ashamed

    i feel the fear that i could ‘fall off’ or ‘not earn’ and that this is a conditional prasie that i have to ‘work for’ and ‘earn’

    and that feels a lil unsafe, and like i have to keep working hard and that feels uncomfortable and i feel ANgry about that

    and gugghghhh i feel icky and uncomfy and sad

    sad in my heart

    i love my feelings

    i love my icky feeling

    ggghhhhh



  244.  #245MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Friends 61%
    Lovers 75%
    Not a perfect match, but you do have the two most important ingredients—good communication and wonderful sex. (((Dam right 😉 )))That said; there are a couple key things you should be aware of. One of you is non-stop and you always have a plan. (((him)))The other is no less intelligent—they simply move at slower pace and are not as quick at making decisions as the other. (((me)))Despite your ability to connect deeply with each other through communication and intimacy, this difference can be an issue if you don’t acknowledge it. (((acknowleged every day)))There should be plenty of chemistry, but just in case there’s not you need to check your Attractions. They may be False and you need to stop looking for that chemistry high. (((the chemistry came after the love for us so that’s cool)))

    That was fun and rather accurate!



  245.  #246Turquoise on October 25, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Calypso…. it’s all practice right? He lives 10 hours away? That sounds like a safe CD since you seem so happy with your man. 🙂

    Starla, have you ever gone back to read the old posts you wrote about CF? From what I remember, you were pretty upset and turned off by him a couple times. It might help to go back and read those old situations, and wonder if you’d even really want him again, or if it’s just that you feel you can’t have him, so you are obsessing. What do you think? When I read old stuff from C, emails or even hear that tone in his voice…. I feel like, OH there it is…. why I’m not with him now! IT helps.

    🙂

    Life is good here…. focusing a lot on me, going car shopping this weekend, breakfast with a friend and a reunion planning meeting with another. I’ll see Mr. Conversation tomorrow night… he’s out of town and I’m proud to say I have felt very hands open, palms facing forward with him the last few weeks. I’m not holding on. I’m really enjoying the time we spend together and he’s stepping up… but I’m still very focused on me. I’m not done. Still lots of growth to go, and it could be easy to slip back into old habits.

    I’m still on my dating sites, heard from a few guys who sound ok. Not sure I want to invest any time in them though, so much to do in my personal life right now…. but I”m keeping an open mind.



  246.  #247Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    *sigh*

    Not my day…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  247.  #248Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    i feel so sad and pist to have somone flounce Thanking for Triggers

    i feel so happy when i remember to use this tool and it shifts my perspective and opens my heart and it feels delicious

    and i feel pist to have it slapped away like an ‘inconsequential girl’ ouch not seen not loved feels sooooo triggering

    i love my pain

    i love my abuse images

    i love my triggers

    thank you for this

    i love that i get to touch my pain and im healing myself by doing so

    ooooh

    last nite i was talking about sad stuff at one pt w CD and it wasnt That sad to me, but then i felt him lean in w sadness and i was going to harden up but instead i opened up and felt my sadness too and it felt so good and warm and i ‘get’ it about it being safe that i feel feelings its safe for him to feel it too awwwwwww

    (((((woman))))))



  248.  #249Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    I feel absolutely awful.
    His mums been on the phone, shes usually fine when I talk (although manipulative) but she turned on me a bit. Started saying we shouldn’t be together if he can’t do anything right. The lads trying etc. etc. and he cant do anything right to me.
    I mentioned about the ‘complicated relationship’ and she started saying well it is complicated. Whats wrong with that. Argh.. I’m so mad.
    Saying she’ll ask him about it when he comes in and she cant wait now as when she knows something like that he’ll start telling her things he doesnt want her to know. Like “well did she tell you about this and this..”
    Argh I’m so mad and upset. Feel like I’ve just been completely played again.

    🙁 🙁 🙁



  249.  #250MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    I see these as just a larf, and not much more.



  250.  #251Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    i feel guilty! CD keeps conversing w me in text and i kinda want to answer the last one w happy face but i also dont want to text

    but i also dont want him to feel nto loved

    oops ok… shifting to respect

    i respect him to know how to approach me which is w face to face time for me even tho it feels good that he’s thinking about me w texts

    mggh gggh



  251.  #252Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Simply Goddess – she may make it all about him and treat her son like a lil girl but I wouldn’t

    he’s a man and it may do him good to have a woman in his life who can actually respect him and treat him as such rather than caretake his feelings for him

    ghh



  252.  #253Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    I wonder if we can stop referring to each other as “someone” here and just talk to each other? As in, real communication. Like if anyone has anything to say to me, instead of pretending I don’t have a name and using the word “someone”, could you address me? That way I stop making assumptions about being talked to or about. Maybe that would help.

    Because once today I assumed I was being addressed and it wasn’t me (I think once a couple of days ago too). And it’s possible I might be doing it again right now. Can I ask for a little respect (unless I still need to earn it) and ask that anyone here who has something to say to or about me…remember that I am a human, I have feelings and I have a name.

    I feel like I’m being trapped into responding to something and the answer will be “it wasn’t about you.”

    I wonder if that’s true….



  253.  #254Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    I fele like crying. I feel so attacked and misunderstood. Manipulated and played.
    I’d get eaten alive if I move down there.
    She’s the most manipulative, cruel, game playing, sneaky woman I’ve ever known.



  254.  #255Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    they said i had false attractions

    Fuchk you match matrix i feel pist and freaked out

    i want diff wording

    i feel pulled to depolarize, feel compassion for men and respect for women and its all good im healing this nd this is a GOOD thing cuz it uhhh… gives me super abilities of communication and intimacy and depth and human relating wideness gifts



  255.  #256Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    ..and now I know he’s just cpome into his house while I was on the phone so they’ll e discussing right now. Argh.

    I feel like I just want to speak to him on the phone. Properly.



  256.  #257Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Mercedes – i feel a bit triggered

    id personally feel better to stick to the guidelines and riff on triggers without referring to particular Sirens and when it is obvious where the trigger is from thanking the woman for bringing up this trigger for me (which has nothing to do with her but happens to trigger ‘my stuff)

    that feels really good for me and i feel excited about the progresses ive made using these tools – in not blaming others or getting into my blamy, tight, intense, rigid laser mind energy as much , which wasn’t feeling good with men or bringing me the results i watned (peace, open men who want to see me again and again and care for me)



  257.  #258April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Miss Stix,

    Sounds great.
    I had a similar score with EM. Only in our case I am the faster one at making decisions and he takes longer.

    To me it would seem ideal that the man has the quicker mental speed.
    Nice one, you and your man. I would really like a score like yours.



  258.  #259Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Simply Goddess – thats an urge not a feeling

    i would get off the phone now just hang up

    i would not beat myself up by staying on the phone while people are talking about me

    i feel pain in my heart of when i used to subject to tolerating that with my parents

    nwo my family has all learned not to tolerate that For themselves! from me



  259.  #260Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    i feel pist

    i feel ‘manipulated’

    respect for me is not about doing what someone wants cuz they ask for it

    i HATE THATAAAA i feel so triggered by that

    i feel like shutting down pulling away attacking and giving cold stares to that

    ohhh wow this feels intense

    thank you for this trigger

    i have this come up often in real life

    i cant handle this

    i feel so angry

    i feel so angry

    i love my anger



  260.  #261April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    I am experiencing a shift and a crack in the dark clouds.

    It is well that WM has got off my horse.

    I need the space on there for fitter riders.



  261.  #262Smile on October 25, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Letting go…

    Hm I’m not sure how I feel reading this article.

    I read only the other day from rori that we do not need to feel stressed about not being able to completely let go this moment but to let our enegy take us forward.

    I know ive not ‘completely’ let go yet … But my energy it totally carrying me forward. I will get there. Babysteps.



  262.  #263Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Daria: I see where you’re coming from but if things like this:

    “i feel so sad and pist to have somone flounce Thanking for Triggers”

    and this:

    “and i feel pist to have it slapped away like an ‘inconsequential girl’ ouch not seen not loved ”

    are aimed at ME, I feel like I deserve to be able to speak to them. But…if I do…I’m pretty sure (not completely sure but pretty sure) I will hear that “It’s not about you…”

    That is disrespectful to me as a human being who just got done saying what I like and don’t like or do and don’t do with regard to triggers. I’m not in the same place everyone else is…but that doesn’t mean I’m “flouncing” anything or that I “slapped away like an ‘inconsequential girl’ “…it simply means I’m not in the same place.

    But that’s okay…respect that as you respect me and refer to me as “someone”. Tells me a lot about what it means to “respect” everyone no matter what. I think you “respect” me on the same level I “respect” a certain man I’ve been referring to…

    Not my day…. still…



  263.  #264Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Hes texting

    Seriously don’t know what you expect me to do, You have really caved my head in”

    I responded “Thats exactly how I feel sometimes”

    He replied

    “Do you not think Im owed some sort of apology or at least see why I get wound up and throw a strop or kick off?”

    My response?



  264.  #265Smile on October 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Laughing goddess… He he, yes a bracken!!!! Aw It felt good that you thought about the new plant xxx



  265.  #266Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    i feel so angry

    i feel sad

    i feel panicked

    i love my anger

    i love my sadness

    i love my panick

    i feel so angry

    i love my anger

    i feel so urgent

    i love my urgency

    i feel shut down i lvoe my shutdowness

    i feel so sad i love my sadness

    ohhhh

    im feeling better

    i ‘get it’

    i feel uncomfortable

    i feel all warm in my chest coming up to my lips

    i love my warmth

    i love my melted peace

    i love my dizzy head

    i love my throwback head



  266.  #267Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Thats exactly how I feel sometimes”

    oops that doesn’t feel good to read. comes off as blaming

    him talking about an apology feels weird



  267.  #268MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    I am reading that I am a logical communicator.

    I do see myself in this.

    I also see myself as an emotional communicator (now). Good stuff. They say you can change your communication style. But I believe you can. Well…Add to it at the very least.



  268.  #269Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    I’m rubbish at fm’s..



  269.  #270Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    ““Do you not think Im owed some sort of apology or at least see why I get wound up and throw a strop or kick off?”

    honestly i feel pist and i don’t want a man all focused on his own feelings, i feel better being the emotional partner. what do you think?



  270.  #271Tam on October 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    lots of defensiveness on here tonight….feels very yucky to read and inauthentic.



  271.  #272Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    ouch i feel lost



  272.  #273Calypso on October 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    @ 245 Turquoise – Yes – ti si all just for practice and whatever he has been sent to heal in me. I’m just getting jumpy because he is sort of relentless all of a sudden. The last 2 days he has been non-stop contacting me and wanting to know if I have time to talk and if not, when . . .

    We have now exchanged pictures and he wanted to know what I thought of his photos – I keep feeling a shift in my thoughts on him and it is hard to keep up. Now instead of feeling thrilled, I’m starting to feel like he is needy and that is a huge turn off for me.

    He is 10 hours away, so completely safe, except . . . my son’s entire life is in his hands right now – literally.



  273.  #274April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    I’ve been obsessing about my lack of relationship/connection with WM for a long long time.

    Now that he is talking with me (he feels he can, because he has got confidence from talking with the new woman) I am hearing about his deep depression.

    I feel free. I feel judgement lifting off me. The tools were not working on him, and it was making me feel helpless.

    Now I kind of understand. I had a man who was ill.
    ((((((man))))))
    Still gonna take care of me first, though.



  274.  #275Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    How riffs feel to me: inauthentic

    (more like excuses to say horrible, mean, rude, threatening and obnoxious things to someone). lol someone.



  275.  #276April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I wondered why I attracted a man with such terrible depression and low self-esteem.

    Was he reflecting my inner masculine?

    I feel desperate to make him strong and confident (my inner masculine nature) and give him tons of RESPECT to build up his self-worth.

    That’s it! Offering respect without needing for it to be earned, raises men’s self-esteem and so heals the world…….?



  276.  #277MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Meh…

    They lost me. I feel annoyed reading this. It’s so “trying to convince me”. I don’t relate to it and it feels frustrating to me. I want to gain perspective on how I communicate. Now i’m just sitting here like…Huhhhhh??? I don’t understand! I feel confused! It feels like my brain is just under pressure. I want to relieve it. I stopped reading.



  277.  #278Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Mercedes – aww. they’re not aimed at you. im sorry if it triggers you with pain, but seriously they’re all for me, words you typed just happened to spark off some images and thoughts for me. its not your fault and really has nothing to do with you – though i encourage you to explore anything that triggers you

    i thank you for your words that spark this off in me so that i can explore myself and my reactions and give love to myself and all my ‘me-ness’



  278.  #279Femininewoman on October 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    RE 274 – That’s how it has mostly felt to me since I have experienced them. That’s why I have been unable to fully embrace them.



  279.  #280Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    April Rose – yeah that feels exciting!



  280.  #281Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    it feels easy to see when i think about respecting children – who aren’t ‘earning’ – and how that affects their self esteem



  281.  #282Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    aww i feel disappointed to hear you ladies think so

    i also feel relieved i don’t seem to care very much that you think so

    lol yay freedom

    i feel very solid enjoying the fruits of my challenging practice of riffing for myself

    and reinging in my urgest to ‘influence’ or ‘direct it’ to someone

    i feel a bit of fear when i think ‘i’m not being believed’ and i feel so glad i feel so grounded and rooted and it just felt like a breeze not a hurricane



  282.  #283Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Thanks Daria: They’re not sparking triggers for me. They feel very pointed and mean when they come from something I said. Triggers to me are things I need to work through. Direct comments based on something I said are not triggers for me, they’re mean.

    They’re not aimed at YOU though so it probably doesn’t feel so horrible to you, they’re aimed at (or at least said about) the *person* who triggered you. I’m a person.

    FW: Thank you. I appreciate the understanding very, very much.



  283.  #284Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    “You know I love you and I’d do anything for you. Don’t you understand why I get angry sometimes? Justanswer me before you disappear so I can clear my head.
    You know how much my head gets caved when Im stuck in work and I dont hear from you. I just want my head clear. This should be a happy time in both our lives. I think you would absolutely love this place. I’m happy because I know the balls rolling and it’s a start but I also dont feel as happy as I should with whats going on. Because you know I love you dont you. x”



  284.  #285Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Thank you for the triggers!

    This feels amazing!

    I am learning so much. Growing expanding dancing through this.

    Thank you thank you thank you universe.

    Loving what is
    Dropping resistance
    Feels feminine soft free.
    Lovely



  285.  #286Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    this feels exciting to explore!

    i feel reminded of when people have said to me ‘sayign how you feel feels inauthentic to me, it sounds like an excuse to blame me etc’

    but it still feels so GOOD to express myself to me, that even if im not being heard by the other person – and connection isn’t happening – it still feels GOOD to me knowing im doing my best to clearly express what’s going with me and focus on me

    and i choose to belive as i do this consistently, it Will create the safety and attraction to be head and connected

    that’s also beein my experience!



  286.  #287Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Simply Goddess – aww that feels good 🙂

    Daria response: “aww that feels good 🙂 “



  287.  #288Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    With that text. I feel he’s had drugs. He is really nice and loving and understanding when he’s had drugs. Explains why he does things, thanks me for sticking y him etc.

    I feel.. suspicious. Especially with the status earlier.



  288.  #289Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    but yeah Daria.. that feels good to me to. I’m just so wary I guess.



  289.  #290Tam on October 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    I feel disappointed too, that there seems to be a lot of blame, criticism and arguing for arguing’s sake on here right now. Isn’t that what creates all the problems in relationships in the first place?
    Hrmpf.
    I feel kind of lost.
    Rori posted some great guidelines and maybe I am not always within them, but….they are great!
    Everybody deserves respect, also the stinky, dirty man who lives on the street…humans, animals, plants and all things deserve respect.
    Dignity and respect.
    Feels great to me. No limitations, respecting everybody and when they disrespect me – then I can disengage and remove myself. It’s all about me.



  290.  #291Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    ” i don’t seem to care very much that you think so” I feel this is the same level of respect given freely to all (including child molesters, murders and rapists) and I feel very hurt by the fact that this level of respect is the best I can do because respect is given freely to everyone just because…

    I love my feeling of knowing someone here respects me the same as she respects child molesters, murders and rapists.

    I love my hurt that no matter what I say or do, that’s the best I can get.

    Well…I tried…it’s BS. I still think riffs are an excuse to hurt others.



  291.  #292Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Oh wow, feeling sad again and triggered.

    Really feeling the soup. Emotions changing from moment to moment.

    Isn’t that glorious?

    Loving me.



  292.  #293MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    I kind of like triggers, and the thanks regarding them. I feel guilty easily…So this way I can say “you’re welcome” and skip on my merry way. Same for anyone who’s words bring stuff up for me…I can say thank you and they can know I genuinely appreciate the chance to feel.

    Although I am no longer triggering feelings “on purpose” at this point. Only organically.



  293.  #294Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Mercedes – so sorry for your feeling attacked/pointed at/- i feel a bit blamed and defensive, they’re not aimed at you, they’re a categorization of the imagined situation in my mind sparked off by the words, has nothing to do with you, though i can understand how it can seem that way.

    i feel a bit helpless here…

    am feeling a bit frightened being blamed, doesn’t feel good, am feeling a bit angry, now sad, now scared



  294.  #295MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    I do also feel respect for other views. I don’t actually feel triggered right now.

    Yay me! Just feeling normal.

    Triggers no longer trigger me.

    Fantastic.



  295.  #296Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    MissStix: “I can say thank you and they can know I genuinely appreciate the chance to feel.” I think it is VERY VERY cool if you really do genuinely appreciate it. In that case, I would be happy to thank for them. When I don’t really genuinely appreciate someone trying to hurt me though…I couldn’t authentically say thank you. It sounds to me like you really feel that way (and aren’t just doing it because Rori said so) and I LOVE that…a LOT…if more people were genuine like you, I think I could hear the “thank you” and believe it.

    I love your honesty! Refreshing!!!!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  296.  #297Daria on October 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    ehm well i feel glad my words seem to have sparked off some self exploration for people

    i feel a bit frightened and going numb now

    am feeling angry now, reading that first line i just wrote now i felt guilty like its passive agressive, it would feel good to feel good again like rooting into the belief that its all healing and Indeed it’s healing no matter what it looks or feels like at moment

    ahh i want to root in that i feel like im swept away on the wind i feel panic

    weeeee i love my panic

    i feel warm hearted i feel love

    i feel heart smily reading Mercedes going for riffs

    it is all healing mmm it feels scary

    i love that its healing i love my fears

    ahhh i love my desperation urgency fear

    ooh i feel melty i love my melty

    i love my hunger

    ggh gggh

    hehe

    i love my ggh ghg

    hehe

    i love my dryness

    hhhhh

    i love my hhhh



  297.  #298Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    “i feel heart smily reading Mercedes going for riffs” ummm….I was being sarcastic…



  298.  #299Daria on October 25, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    ouch i feel annoyed being painted as ‘trying to hurt’ someone

    i feel all urgent to explain that i really wasn’t especially when i def have directed my words to others with intent to influence them before, and this time i wasn’t and

    its Totally ok!

    yay!!!!

    i feel happy and weeeeee and its all healing even if i feel squeezed thru a funnelllll weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    i feel flying fst as light to thru the funnel



  299.  #300Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    So many emotions swirling through me.

    It feels powerful to just sit with then and watch then flow and morph and change.

    Feels like the ocean bobbing up and down.
    Bllod pulsing through my veins.

    I feel so proud of me as I resist the urge to attack, defend, blame, explain, try to win a control struggle.

    It feels free and scary. What if I just sit with the emotions? What if I fill myself up with love and fern energy that can then overflow to the world.

    What if I don’t go into fight or flight mode?

    What will happen?

    Woah



  300.  #301Daria on October 25, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    i love you all and i dont want to trigger myself so hardcore right now anymore, even though it felt manageable yay

    i will now focus on other stuff and won’t be reading posts that i intuit will trigger me to defensiveness

    thanks everyone though it feels great to get a chance to practice feeling defensiveness in blog and “choose my words”

    i feel so happy when i then am able to do this in real life and be close to my family more than ever before



  301.  #302Tam on October 25, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Mercedes, have you ever met child molesters, murderers and rapists?
    I have, in my private life and my professional career, this also includes wife-beaters.
    They are not well, they have to be punished, and they often have to be kept away from society – I feel good about this. About disrespecting them as human beings, I feel unsure and icky. Where does one stop to respect a human being? I wouldn’t know…
    I struck up a friendship with a very sweet 85 year old man once, who was a great giver and kind hearted and sweet…very sweet. I found out he had killed his wife in hot blood when he was a young man, he found her in bed with another man.
    The guy never ever even hurt a mouse or a bird, he just flipped….very wrong. But he still was a human being, a sick one at that, but still a human being with feelings and fears and love.
    So, hm. I feel confused about the respect issue also…especially as I have suffered from abuse myself. But now, I have no feelings towards the person at all – no hate, nothing. Can’t say I respect him overly… just kinda feeling neutral, and sorry for him because he is sick…and almost hoping he got his life together. I feel weird writing this even…hmmm



  302.  #303MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Mercedes

    “When I don’t really genuinely appreciate someone trying to hurt me though…I couldn’t authentically say thank you.”

    This makes a lot of sense to me. (Though I don’t believe anyone is trying to hurt you-I dunno, I can’t speak for others-this is how you feel it, and see it.) If you don’t feel it then don’t say it.

    My eyes truly see no wrong on either side of this.



  303.  #304Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Fight or flight when I feel endangered.

    Reptilian brain activated.

    Awesome!

    I’m not actually in danger.

    Awwww, feelings shifting again to compassion and understanding and feeling whole within.

    Sunshine beaming through the heart.

    Feeling proud and noble.

    Holding head high.



  304.  #305Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    “Listen, do you want to go out on Saturday night and we can have a proper talk and get everything off our chests? Without kick offs.. Just wish we could be back to how we was you know. Call me protective but I hate being away from you. I permanently miss you. Everything I do is for you and xxx (child). That’s all im bothered about. I’d appreciate if you could give me an answer asap because I cant handle feeling like this and you feeling the way you do. Even if I do put a brave face on we both know it kills me. We shouldnt be like this, we need to clear the slate and get on because we could be unstoppable together xx”

    Wow..



  305.  #306Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    April Rose

    You are correct! Emotional communication style. 🙂



  306.  #307Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Help me respond please you amazingly gorgeous people.
    This all came from not responding and then just responding in fm’s.

    After he asked for an apology I jut put

    “I can feel your anger David but I feel really tense too. I feel exhausted doing this over texts.”

    and then there came the long messages..

    Either the NC/fm’s worked or he’s had drugs..

    Either way surly I need to respond so he learns being like this is how HE gets a civil response.



  307.  #308MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    BTW

    I want to say my comment 276 was aimed at the communication report I was reading, not the blog. I see now I popped that in randomly and it is kind of…Vague.



  308.  #309Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    Oops.. theres his name. Argh. Haha. Oh well.



  309.  #310Daria on October 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    mmmm

    when i took a break i felt more of my sadness

    i feel excited thinking that that’s why i was feeling the ‘urgency’ and ‘dizzyness’ to avoid feeling the pain and sadness

    (((mmm))

    Daria



  310.  #311Tam on October 25, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    meeeee too!! emotional style!!!



  311.  #312Daria on October 25, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    ““I can feel your anger David but I feel really tense too. I feel exhausted doing this over texts.””

    Excellent. i feel peace.

    “Either way surly I need to respond so he learns being like this is how HE gets a civil response.”

    i feel panicked here. this isn’t how it ‘works’ it only works when the woman responds when she feels good, not to have him learn something. the intention is important, it will ‘backfire’ the connection if this is the intention



  312.  #313Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Tam 🙂

    Fist bump



  313.  #314April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Yay, LG. I knew it!
    You too, Tam.
    Me three



  314.  #315Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Oh my goddd..

    “Im not even going to pester you because it just winds me up more. But I hope you do at some point take time to reply. Will you do me one last favour plssss.. Just change your profile picture to something respectable because I cant stand lads nonsing on you and you know that. You’re mine! Please will you do it. Anyway, I miss you.. Im hating whats happening right now and deep down whatevers been said between us, you know I give a sh1t xxxx”



  315.  #316Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    and then… he likes the photo on facebook.



  316.  #317April Rose on October 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    I can almost ‘smell’ people of this style. There is an ease of connecting with them, that I feel in my soul.



  317.  #318Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    SG: how do you feel right now and in regard to that last text?



  318.  #319Tam on October 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    I feel intrigued that surferCD has not been in touch today, except for a good morning text. Perhaps he is a little embarrassed about the booty call scenario….I feel happy that he did not get in touch, because I felt curious and wanted to ask him if he was married, better not.
    As I know already 😉



  319.  #320Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    312: Daria

    Ok, Thankyo for clearing that up Daria.
    I sent that fm with no help from anyone! Yey! I’m learning!! haha I feel good.

    How do I respond. I feel I need to be cautious.



  320.  #321Tam on October 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    316 April Rose, I agree..it feels good. I now see those of my friends who are ‘logical’ and those ’emotional’ and perhaps some mixed ones….but there is a difference…just not sure what it has to do with date of birth, oh well.



  321.  #322Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    I feel so happy the communication suddenly seems authentic and less blamey.
    I feel loved. I feel cared for. I feel like I have grown because I have been so strong this time and not caved in like usual. I have never, ever, ever in my 2 year relationship heard him like this.
    It feels amazing to me.
    I also feel scared and wary that its drugs that allow him to express his true thoughts and feelings.

    I’m confused how to respond. I’ll think. Or should I say.. FEEL! 😉



  322.  #323Tam on October 25, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    LG, bump, hehe



  323.  #324Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Hearing that feels amazing to me. I actually feel loved and cared for and thats all a girl wants you know. I agree we need to clear the slate and it would be feel possible if we continue to communicate this way. It feels good to hear you speak from your heart.

    Yes? no?



  324.  #325Daria on October 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    April Rose – hmm i feel left out

    and i feel an urge to judge and replay a story of judgement of my dad

    wow thanks! i feel so surprised im noticing this and how im aware and responding!



  325.  #326Daria on October 25, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Simply Goddess – omgosh SO YES! you’re like, AMAZING!



  326.  #327Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    SG 323

    Amazing!



  327.  #328Daria on October 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    SG – haha he liked the photo on facebook, told you he was attracted, now he’s starting to get into it and woo you away from those other guys hehehe i love it



  328.  #329Mercedes on October 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Tam: yes. I have. Lots of them. And I don’t respect them. At all.



  329.  #330Starla on October 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Turquoise, I always love when you post to me.

    LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!



  330.  #331Starla on October 25, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    I have been given a very complicated, challenging project at work, and I am kicking its ass:)

    I have to focus on it during a set time frame every day in order to deliver daily reports to the client at the same time every day, and that’s about 2 and a half hours where i’m not thinking about any men… i’m just crunching numbers, and it feels so meditative. And it feels like alchemy, to take a spreadsheet full of numbers, and transform them into insight, plans, projections, and common sense.

    I feel magical and lit up and fulfilled.



  331.  #332Daria on October 25, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    “if my life is big and exciting and ‘worldwide’ it wont feel as special, healthy, fulfilling, sweet, innocent and deeply tender adn sacred as the life of people who live happyily around the same people in the same place their whole life”

    i want to heal this

    i feel sad!



  332.  #333Tam on October 25, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    OOps, I have to gulp…I just saw MrP on the dating website…oooh, all sorts of feelings. He hasn’t been online since he knew when I was coming out here…about six weeks ago…and today, after my yesterday email, he is gone back. Coincidence or what? Oooh, I feel a lump in my throat now….eek. Trigger



  333.  #334Simply Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    He not only liked the photo.. He liked a comment a girl put saying ‘so pretty’
    Aww..

    He replied

    “I know but you know what I’m like for letting things build up and we both know I dont express myself at times”



  334.  #335Tam on October 25, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    I feel accepting.
    I feel ok.
    It was a trigger, but in the end – we never even met again, so no biggie.
    I have spoken my truest and most authentic self, and it took guts and I am proud of myself.
    So really, all is well and we moved on and it was a shame we didn’t manage to rescue the friendship, but it is what it is.
    Anyway, I feel surprised also.
    And I feel super good that I stuck to my boundaries, I have honoured myself and if that inspires people to walk out of my life and find other friends/gf’s with fewer boundaries – or higher perceived value, or whatever. That is cool.
    I feel totally okay about that, and with myself.
    I feel actually even more free after the trigger, like I have just been given permission to do what I want and never look back….
    Ok.



  335.  #336Tam on October 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    And SurferCD did get into touch and asked about the weekend getaway and I said it wouldn’t feel good for me.
    Another pat on the back.
    No questions, no accusations, just my feelings.
    It’s been a good day for me.



  336.  #337Annie on October 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Virginia

    I feel a bit confused about this.

    I remember those sort or crushes.
    What I feel confused about is the word attachment and neediness.
    Although I felt obsessed I would not have said I felt attached or needy

    Attachment and needy to me came when I had sex I then felt hormonally and emotionally attached and felt I needed and wanted to be with them. Attached as in a couple.

    It would feel good to have some help around this.
    Do you also mean the kind of attachment and need I am talking about is unhealthy also, or just the first type re crushes on people we don’t really know and have just had a couple of dates with etc.

    Surely when we enter a committed relationship where we are both wanting to sleep together and have a future children life etc and sleep together we are both supposed to feel attatched and the need to be together and not lose each other.



  337.  #338Annie on October 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    from last thread.

    1170: MercedesN says:

    “I just wish people could read my words literally without trying to say what those words “imply”. Most of the time, I’m not implying anything. I really mean what I say. Except when I use the following words. I’m trying to do better at not using these when I don’t mean them:”

    Oh Gosh I feel so synchronized with you on that one. It is a pet hate of mine. I usually end up saying if a meant a different word I would have used a different word that I feel unheard. And that I don’t want stuff made up about what I have said, which actually changed the context. That feels harmful to me to the point at times where it has been down right libel. It then feels pointless to carry on engaging with the person who does this chooses to carry on doing this as no open and meaningful two way communication is occurring, It then feels in my best interest to be compassionate to myself and take the loving action of disengaging until that person wants to communicate with me in a way that feels better to me.



  338.  #339Annie on October 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Simply Goddess says.

    “But its literally taken me all day to send that because I’m wary about what to say. Also still a bit angry about things so it seems strange being civil back.
    What is this.. ‘letting him get away with it’ feeling I get by being ok with him when I feel hurt about the things he’s said/done. Control issues? Unresolved issues?”

    We have no control over what anyone else does, behves etc. We only have control over how we react back in conflict, what we do and if we are going to stay around and tolerate it.
    He is not responsible for your feelings of hurt.
    Your feelings belong 100% to you.
    Now when we are children we are not able to take care of our own feelings and we rely on our caregivers to help us learn how to do this.
    As adults we are 100% responsible for taking care of and managing our own feelings.
    We have no control over if another person treats us us in an way that feels unloving to us.
    We are only able to not abandon our feelings and take the loving action to take care of our feelings of heartache over this.

    If this is something that hurts our heart too much and is not something the other person wants to stop, then we have to decide if we can be with them knowing this is what they do and who they are and that we have no power or control in changing what they do.
    It is who they are at this moment. And how they have subconsciously learned to react and behave.
    All we are able to do is decide if it is a deal breaker. What is the deal you are accepting?
    If you do not want to accept it tolerate it then you walk away.
    He will then if he is the right man for you want to become a different person himself and start to make a subconscious choice to change himself. He has to want to and be able to.
    And if he doesn’t or isn’t t able then he isn’t the right man for you.
    The universe will keep sending you the same stuff back over and over rinse and repeat, until it gets resolved. Only you know what you want and what is right for you.



  339.  #340Tam on October 25, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    I feel surprisingly calm considering that the last four weeks have turned into the complete opposite of the scenario I was envisaging.
    Wow.
    All change.
    It’s been a tough four weeks and they have really taken it out of me. Perhaps I feel calm because I have been through pretty much everything that could go wrong or unexpected…
    I was looking forward to the good times, and ended up with 50% of my social circle eradicated, and a strange man taking naps in my bed….but there have been lots of good things too.
    Just sometimes find it hard to keep up with how fast it all changes.
    Letting go.
    Letting go of past love and present expectations and future wishes.
    Letting it all go. Sigh.



  340.  #341Tam on October 25, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    A tinge of sadness creeps into the realisation that the only constant in life is change, and the main, always readily available and stable source of happiness is: me
    Hm



  341.  #342Laughing Goddess on October 25, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    Feeling sad.

    When I was looking at Match Matrix I saw an old report that I had run with my ex and I was surprised to see that we had a really high rating. I felt surprised because our relationship was really quite awful.

    But our match rating was quite a bit higher than the one I have with my sweetie now. Ours is just average according to the site with our main challenge being communication. No surprise there.

    And now my ex just posted a recording of a song he sang on my FB page and I just feel triggered and kind of sad.

    I felt tears in my eyes hearing his singing voice. I feel a lot of love for him as a person in my life.

    The thing is, I feel so much more secure in my relationship with my guy now. I never doubt his love and attraction for me. This other guy always left me questioning.

    I course I was totally different too. The ex was pre-Rori.

    Sigh

    I dunno. Seeing those numbers and then having him contact me right after just triggered something.

    Hugs to my heart



  342.  #343Annie on October 25, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    201: Mercedes says:

    “oops!! Yes Daria…I forgot about that particular teaching. I did not mean to go against Rori here on her blog again.

    I should have said “in my opinion, respect has to be earned” because I absolutely do not respect all people. No way no how.”

    I feel respect for the individuals right to have free will to choose to do what they want.
    So I respect they have a right to choose.

    Doesn’t mean I respect what they choose to do and hence respect them as a person. If that makes sense.

    So some people I will not ever respect.
    I do not respect people who choose to roll their
    eyes at me.
    I respect their right to choose if they want to so that or not.
    I do not respect
    I do not respect people who sexually molest or rape,
    I do not respect people who sadistically torture people and animals, the list could go o and on really. If you get my jist.



  343.  #344Turquoise on October 25, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Thank you Starla! Love you too!!!! 🙂



  344.  #345Annie on October 25, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    I wish I felt able to get my head around someone saying they are no longer in love with someone but that person belongs to them as in ‘girlfriend’ ‘wife’ ‘lover’ etc, and not wanting anyone else to have them.

    It feels so odd that something is only of value when someone else suddenly wants it and becomes more valuable the more people that want it.

    Fickle fickle sheep mentality, yuck!



  345.  #346Turquoise on October 25, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Anyone have an idea why C wants to finance a new car for me to get me a better interest rate? I’ll be making the payments, car in my name….. He has a new girlfriend, in August told me he’d never do anything for me again…. And here we go again. I kinda feel like why not let him help me? What’s a car compared to a house…. But part of me really wants to do this by myself. The payment would be 40-60 less a month for 6 years, that’s a lot of cash. I wish I had great credit.



  346.  #347Linda on October 25, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    Letting go… becoming a mature woman … growing out of loving like a teenager. wow

    I am off balance tonight. I wish I had not openned my email before bed. I got blind sided. I literally feel sick at my stomach. I feel disappointed and surprised and afraid because of how I feel right now.

    The opened my email to find 4 emails from him. Full of pictures of places and memories… he saying he found them and thought that maybe I would want them. That it brought many fond memories and that he thanks God for every rememberance of me! OMG WTF !!!! why???? The last thing I wanted is pictures of the places we traveled together. pictures of him and I… I MEAN WHY?????

    I am upset that I am crying. and this has affected me. I dont want to cry or be affected or feel sick at my stomach.
    Dominique wrote about manipulation… her experiences… I have lived them too. HELP!

    It feels manipulative… he has done this to me before. I let him back in my life that time. Only this time I will never respond to him. He is NOT GOOD for me… The sick feeling I have came immediately… it is an uncontrolled response. It makes me feel vunerable and reminds me that way down deep..I love, even still I love him. I DONT WANT TO FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT HIM.

    His birthday is next week…I really made it a great day for him last year. I did lots of wonderful things. Was a loving, constant, beautiful presence in his life. I wish I could say that about him in mine.

    ——

    I was reading thing Starla wrote the last thread about CF. Honey I identify with you more than you know. That deep thing inside that you can not dislodge in your gut. I have it too.



  347.  #348MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    I wasn’t gonna share this here, I just had it on my little journal thread on my hidden fb. But I changed my mind. Not all my interactions are sireny, and perfect.

    I feel soft and sad. Smooth like a river stone. I had plans with jay tonight but he postponed till tomorrow. I understand completely that he stayed late at work. But when he postponed I felt a wave of disappointment, and I did not feel free to express it for some reason so I just said…”ummm ok”. Then the convo spiraled down from there. It just felt weird and tense and rigid and difficult and confusing. And he thoughg I wanted to come to his place and I said “I don’t want to just come to your place. If you want to come over, come over otherwise I want to do my own thing” and he said “what does that mean?” and i’m like whaaaat? Exactly what it looks like…Gawd. So I said “It means if you want to come, come! but if not i’ll do my own thing!” it ended with him asking me what *I* want and so I said “I wanted to stick to the original plan, but I feel frustrated right now so I prefer to drop it and have you over tomorrow.” and he said “fine”. And I did not respond to that one I just left it. Thinking…How did this end up being my thing? I got cancelled on. This was not *my* problem for him to say “fine” to. I guess just because I never expressed my feeling about that right then and there and he could sense it. So he called me an hour later and tried to smoothe things over but I still feel this sense of sadness and just kind of whooooosh sigh.

    He called again, and brought it up again “How are you feeling?” I said “oh, fine” which was true, i just felt fine. And I let the soft truth of that fill my voice and he said “that conversation earlier was weird. I want to make sure you’re ok.” I said “yeah it felt confusing.” he said “I know…I was not decisive so I think that threw you off?” I said “yeah…I really didn’t know what you wanted. But I guess you didn’t know what I wanted so it’s all good.”. He said “yeah” and we chatted about what we are up to and ge said he’d call back again later. So…I do feel fine. But it’s a soft and whispy kind of fine…Just kinda like a dandelion here. Just existing. Feeling soft and maybe slightly fragile and easily poof…Into the breeze.



  348.  #349MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Aww he11 I hit post just as I saw his name in that. Sigh.



  349.  #350Daria on October 25, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Turqoise – he probably wants to support the mother of his children, which then helps out his children as well

    i would let myself be supported so that i can have more of me to offer too



  350.  #351Daria on October 25, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    I want to respect everyone as in choose to treat them with respect.

    which then i practice and becomes think of them with respect

    it has a lot of healing power connected to another spiritual principle that is part of the practice here, which is the mirror… what i judge in another i judge in myself.

    i don’t want to hurt myself and i want to respect myself

    ouch i feel ‘hardness



  351.  #352Daria on October 25, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    if i decide to ‘not respect’ someone and look down on them with disdain or judge them as less than

    it’s something im also doing to myself

    and ouch

    pain

    when i (will) see everyone with love and without judgement it will be more clear that the things i judged are illnesses, reactions to wounds,

    like judging someone with chicken pox for having spots

    even though, yes it hurts, having and being involved in these diseases that trigger people to attack

    do i judge a rabid dog for being rabid? – whats the point in doing so?



  352.  #353Daria on October 25, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    as long as im aware of the dog being rabid, i can choose to not to allow myself to get bit without judging the sick dog



  353.  #354MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    I know what I could have said: “Aw, I feel disappointed to hear you’re not coming, but I totally understand”

    But just because I knew what to say does not mean I felt free to say it in that moment. My urge to respond overwhelmed that. I do feel ok about that. I don’t feel any negative feelings around how anything went down. I feel comfortable. I feel good knowing my method of communicating in that convo was foreign to him. It was “weird” to him. This feels reassuring and liquidy. I feel vulnerable yet safe. It is totally ok to feel ice under my feet and slip. I trust him to catch me. I trust me to fall on my bum and dust off and be cool about it.



  354.  #355Vi on October 25, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    I feel resistant to admit that I do take a good care of me. I believe “it’s shameful to do good things for myself and more shameful – speak about it” and I am doing them! I feel pouty. It feels so much easier to focus on what I don’t do and speak about that! I love my resistance. I love my beliefs. I did my beauty routine today. Ouch. I cooked and fed me with a warm breakfast. Ouch. I stayed open and responsive to touches and cuddles. Ouch ouch. I cleaned those signs of mold. I chose organic fruits over jam. I feel guilty! I feel bad writing about this. Hmm.. what else..? I feel proud of myself for expanding. And experiencing. I feel lump in my throat. I love feeling of lump in the throat. I love my ouch-y feelings. I love my beautiful shoulders going up. You can relax shoulders if you want, it’s okay… I love feeling proud too. Sigh. Sorting out the wardrobe and prepare it for ‘winter’ would feel ouch and fun!



  355.  #356Vi on October 25, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    I feel afraid I will be judged as “greedy”. Ouch Ouch. I feel like crying. I feel my cheeks and eyes burning. I love my burning cheeks and eyes. My kid doesn’t want to be named “greedy” , the kid wants to feel good and alive, that’s all. I love my want to feel good and alive. I feel sad. I love my sadness. I love the droopy expression of my face. I love feeling soft. I love my wants. I feel glad to reconnect with my wants.



  356.  #357Vi on October 25, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    My inner boy thought it’s wrong to stand up for me and felt ashamed when he did and angry when he didn’t. Awww I feel so much compassion to my inner boy. Thank you for being with me. You can unhide now, I love you! I appreciate you! I have so much work for you to do! I feel excited to be your little princess my boy!



  357.  #358Tereana on October 25, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    Wowowow. Not only is this a great post, but it is SO relevant to me today. As in – this has actually been the theme of my day!

    I’ve told you guys about the guy that I had such strong feelings for in HIgh School (i.e. what Virginia Clark was just talking about…) Yes, bordering on the obsession/infatuation. And how those feelings never really went away for me. I might have moved on. He did other things. But it was like they became imprinted on me and just part of my everyday existence. It was almost like the focus on him as my “life partner” became more important than he was – or even me. And I “needed it” to be alive. I swear that part of my dating issues all this time has been that I haven’t really let myself “be” with anyone else. I was always waiting for “him” to come around and see me…well, he never has.

    And you know that recently, I wrote the letter that to him and I “released” it into the universe – i.e. I burned it in my back yard. And I felt better.

    Well…this morning, I found out that he and his new lovely wife are expecting a baby. Eeep! And the due date is near by birthday. Yikes! I hardly knew what to do. A whole flood of emotions came in. I ended up venting about it to another group on online women – this is a group of friends of friends that we sometimes share our “stuff” with. I admit, I still feel a little bit juvenile anytime I mention this situation. But I swear that this stuff is real to me. Even if everyone else thinks it’s stupid.

    But here’s the thing: I had a good cry. I felt sad. I let the emotions move through me…and then…I got up off the couch. I got out of the house, and I did something nice *for me.* It was something I had planned anyway, but now it had a purpose. And as soon as I got out of the house, and saw the sun shining and felt the warm air (no snow here – sorry!), I felt like there was no way that I could NOT be happy. It felt like, no matter how much I might want to feel “sad” and “depressed” about this news, I just couldn’t do it! My spirit felt buoyant and resilient. Like wow, I never even hit the ground on that one. LIke maybe slowed down a few paces and caught my breath. But that was it. It wasn’t a show-stopper.

    Heck yeah!

    So, I figured – THAT was the important part. The important thing here wasn’t that I “get together” with this guy or not. I mean, heck, he’s got another wife, and they are having a baby. Who cares that I am TEN TIMES more amazing than she is, since she cannot possibly match me for depth or intellect. : ) But it’s not even possible to make a comparison. She is NOT ME. I am me. And there’s no way for anyone to match me. I am a one of a kind. And whoever is my partner is one very lucky guy. He’s already lucky. Even if he doesn’t know me (and also if he does ; ) Anyway, the important part isn’t the outcome. It’s not even my disappointment (which, by the way, wasn’t one of the emotions I was feeling). It was about how I bounced back. How I reacted to the situation. And how I CHOSE to feel. I could choose to be all “messed up” and feel upset about it. Or I could choose to feel happy EVEN THOUGH I didn’t particularly like it.

    I didn’t stuff anything. I felt everything I needed to feel. AND I FELT HAPPY WITH MYSELF ANYWAY.

    And I don’t know about you guys, but that felt huge. That felt like no dating experience I have ever had before. What do you think? Is this a new step into freedom?

    I think so. Baby step by baby step…I’m getting there, and I think this step actually just got me a whole lot closer.

    So wow. Even though this has been a tough week, I feel so glad about everything, and I feel so grateful.

    I just know that good things are coming for me! 🙂

    xoxxoxoxoxo



  358.  #359Daria on October 25, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    yay Daria I love you!



  359.  #360Daria on October 25, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    156: Rori Raye says:

    Rose, I’m so sorry for the pain of this situation. I wish there was an easy answer – and yet – it’s going to be your determination to create the kind of life and love you want that’s going to make the difference here. If this were me – I’d start feeling and acting single right now, this minute. Don’t argue with him, tell him he’s right about the marriage, and that you love him and freely let him go. Get a LIFE, get friends, go out and have fun, flirt with men, have coffee dates with them – change your look and your hair and your colors, and make sure you have a job you love. Do this NOW, while he’s still there. Learn everything you can here about Circular Dating – and make certain you have an excellent attorney. I can’t promise you that your moving on with your life cheerfully and with excitement is going to reel him back in – but it surely has a WAY better chance than what you’re doing now.

    If ever I wanted to encourage someone to get private coaching – this is it. Right now you’re at a crossroads. You need help with everything from your wardrobe to your words (Feeling Messages are key here), getting in touch with your sensuality and your body are essential (and getting out in public to practice using your new found skills) – and just dealing with your emotional triggers which are being activated every second now. I don’t want you to feel and act “woebegone”! – I want you to find your anger, your core strength, your “diva” attitude, and get on with your life. This is all about attraction – and that’s where your work is right now. You need to get fully attracted to YOU, so that a man can, too. You have your whole life ahead of you. Love, Rori”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:33pm



  360.  #361Daria on October 25, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    note to self

    talking to a man for more than 10 minutes, even when the conversation feels good! feels draining overall

    it would feel lovely to not do that anymore



  361.  #362Emerson on October 25, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    (((Linda)))



  362.  #363Emerson on October 25, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    361 Daria I like



  363.  #364Emerson on October 25, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    Linda I’ve let recycledCD back in my life so many times, hence his name. It’s always lather, rinse, repeat same old disappointments and misery. But I still love him . Ugh!!



  364.  #365Emerson on October 25, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Sometimes I want him to know that i still have feelings for him



  365.  #366MissStix on October 25, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    Tereana

    I’ll second your heck yah! It isn’t about “feeling nothing” at news like that…What you wrote right there, that’s what it’s about! To feel those feelings and also feel that resiliency.

    Well…To me anyway 😉



  366.  #367Heart on October 25, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    Hi ….I feel tired. I feel relieved. I feel hopeful. I feel excited…I feel sleepy.



  367.  #368MissStix on October 26, 2012 at 12:09 am

    Ugggghhh I feel so exhausted but the dog won’t settle down. C’mon dog.



  368.  #369Daria on October 26, 2012 at 12:41 am

    Mmmm I’m feeling in pain cuz I didn’t answer last notes CD text when he seemed needy … And I didn’t communicate that I don’t want to text all day . It felt good he was contacting me and I want to limit my attention and energy to my present moment …I sent a smily 3 hours later but haven’t heard from him and

    I feel a sadness that I’m sure is in my vibe that I ‘lost him’

    My mind says I’m not ‘appreciative’ enough of his attention and thus he’s left now

    I feel truggered and fidsappinted I love my not appreciativeness

    I love my non cummunication ness

    I love my sadness and fear and sadness



  369.  #370Heart on October 26, 2012 at 2:08 am

    I feel sad…
    I feel a dull void in my chest…
    what/who am I grieving for?



  370.  #371Heart on October 26, 2012 at 2:20 am

    i love my sadness.
    i am such an Artist
    emotions are my artform.



  371.  #372Heart on October 26, 2012 at 2:21 am

    hot bath + ease-the-tension



  372.  #373Heart on October 26, 2012 at 2:51 am

    i feel fake pretending to love my sadness…
    i don’t love my sadness…i have a mild affection for it.



  373.  #374Heart on October 26, 2012 at 2:53 am

    I feel so hmmmmmm relaxed right now….



  374.  #375Silver Moonbeam on October 26, 2012 at 2:58 am

    April Rose, I can’t find the free reading on Matchmatrix only one for couples that costs $30.00, I only wanted to put in my own birthdate as I have no other part to my couple. *sob

    Do you have the link please?



  375.  #376Indigo on October 26, 2012 at 3:02 am

    Hi ladies

    I’m kind of a newbie here, but I so admire your warm, supportive community and would love to join. I know that what Rori has to say is what I need to hear in my life right now.

    This article was SOOO incredibly timely for me. I am struggling to let go of a two year relationship in which the guy cared for me, but after a few months, started treating me badly. I held on and held on, and couldn’t let go, and now that we have broken up, I am learning.

    It is very hard, but I feel the pain ebbing away little by little. But yes, I still have my days when it is very hard. Baby steps. And I can feel I’ve walked a few little baby steps along the road already.

    xoxo



  376.  #377Smile on October 26, 2012 at 3:07 am

    ((indigo))

    I’m letting go a little at a time too. It feels helpful to me that I can do this by letting my energy and love of me carry me forward. This feels easier than letting go.



  377.  #378Smile on October 26, 2012 at 3:09 am

    It feels yuck to be in business mode with him. I need to be to pass on financial information. This is the last tie holding us together.
    I feel proud of me.



  378.  #379Smile on October 26, 2012 at 3:10 am

    Ugh, I feel tension in my head. So much to organise. It feels good that it’s nearly done. I love my boy energy.



  379.  #380Linda on October 26, 2012 at 3:27 am

    re 347….I woke up this morning, I slept well inspite of feeling gut sick when I went to bed. Sometimes I feel like he loves to dangle things in front of people that they cant have. I have purposely let my rest on remembering why he is not for me and unhappy I was with him. The pictures do trigger some not so good memories… like the trip to Florida was absolutely the worst trip in my life! So I get to work…and find that he has sent them to my work email too! OMG. The word narsasitic comes to mind. I think only a person who is that would be so awful like he was when we were together and then 5 months later send me recorded memories of it calling them “good times” and what fond memories he has. THe last thing I remember him uttering to me was ” shut up”! YUCK

    Emerson… thanks for your comment, really the first year of our relationship was on and off again…he doing then I had enough and walked away. 3 months later.. he started contacting me, I let him back in my life… it was a rinse and repeat for sure. I just can never do that again. He said.. in his exit speech… all blamey and manipulative.. yelling at the end… he used the words …”why cant we just say goodbye”?…… now my reponse to that is… “you said goodbye and I now I mean it.

    He gets no more chances with me… how stupid can I be? He never changed.

    ——-

    I wish I had a wonderful loving man in my life now. I wish I was in a good healthy relationship… It would feel sooo nice to have someone to want and love me.

    Okay.. embracing all my feelings… I will Keep On Walkin….



  380.  #381Linda on October 26, 2012 at 3:32 am

    I dont like sadness. I dont like having tears escape from my eyes… I am a work right now!!!

    sigh …. deep breath !



  381.  #382Smile on October 26, 2012 at 3:35 am

    ((Linda))



  382.  #383Indigo on October 26, 2012 at 4:06 am

    Thank you Smile 🙂

    Every time I feel the pain, I replace it with love for myself. This doesn’t feel real yet, but I have faith that it will be real one day 🙂



  383.  #384ruth on October 26, 2012 at 4:21 am

    Afternoon

    mercedes, Ive done nanowrimo every year since 2007

    its quite liberating-you have to write and not edit

    the first year I procrastinated so much that I ended up writing about 30 thousand words in three days

    My poor arms!



  384.  #385Smile on October 26, 2012 at 4:22 am

    Slather on the love!!!



  385.  #386ruth on October 26, 2012 at 4:22 am

    (((((((((((((Linda))))))))



  386.  #387Smile on October 26, 2012 at 4:23 am

    I forgive myself. I’m doing the best I can in a stressful move. Yey me. Slathering on the love. Thanks for the reminder Tam!



  387.  #388Smile on October 26, 2012 at 4:25 am

    Ruth, I thought of you this morning as I drank my tea from my new tea cup.
    I can’t do park run sat morning. Car got to have exhaust fixed! But I live by the Mersey so going for a run closer to home!!



  388.  #389Linda on October 26, 2012 at 4:37 am

    THANKS! for the hugs I need then !

    Even though I dont like sadness….

    Actually.. this sadness feels better

    than the sadness I felt when he was around.



  389.  #390Tam on October 26, 2012 at 4:43 am

    (((Smile)))) 🙂



  390.  #391Tam on October 26, 2012 at 4:49 am

    352 and 353 Daria: ‘like’.
    Holding onto judgments and resentment makes us suffer more than the person on the receiving end of it.
    ‘anger caused more harm in the vessel it is stored than onto which it is poured’.
    Criticism and judgment is directly related to self-criticism and self-judgment.
    It took me months to get my head around this, and much anxiety and tears to realise:
    my anger, disrespect and judgment of other people is what I have against myself.
    I feel better having understood this concept now.
    I realise that not everybody agrees.
    There is a vast amount of literature on this subject…and it all says the same thing.
    When we judge others, we judge our own ‘shameful’ self…..and as we are not inherently shameful, it is destructive to US.



  391.  #392Silver Moonbeam on October 26, 2012 at 4:50 am

    April Rose, don’t worry I found it, no surprise there for me, I am an Emotional Communicator………..



  392.  #393ruth on October 26, 2012 at 4:52 am

    Smile
    No parkrun for me tomorrow because I have a fabulous marathon to do

    there will be pictures!

    Oh yes

    I have read back and i feel a bit sad



  393.  #394Silver Moonbeam on October 26, 2012 at 4:54 am

    #376 Indigo

    Welcome and stick around, you will learn a LOT, and I mean a LOT!!! 🙂



  394.  #395ruth on October 26, 2012 at 4:55 am

    389 Linda, thats a pretty cool shift you just did there-about the sadness



  395.  #396Silver Moonbeam on October 26, 2012 at 4:56 am

    #380 ((( Linda )))



  396.  #397Silver Moonbeam on October 26, 2012 at 4:57 am

    #388 Smile

    That’s my hometown river. 😀



  397.  #398ruth on October 26, 2012 at 5:00 am

    are you from the Pool SMB?



  398.  #399Silver Moonbeam on October 26, 2012 at 5:07 am

    I am Ruth, well originally I am though I have not lived there for a very long time but I still have the famous accent. 😀



  399.  #400Tam on October 26, 2012 at 5:11 am

    I feel loving. Perhaps I am going totally mad right now, I just feel like I could hug and kiss the whole world….
    I don’t feel particularly happy, just that!
    How strange.
    I wonder: will the men in straight jackets come and take me away soon?
    I feel smiley and giggly now.



  400.  #401ruth on October 26, 2012 at 5:13 am

    I love that place SMB

    we go a couple of times a year

    In fact, it was only 2 weeks ago that i did the liverpool marathon!



  401.  #402Tam on October 26, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Sunday is the last good boating day for a while…I am going to miss it though…that’s fine.

    I feel the cooler weather coming which feels a little sad…

    Right now I can’t open my balcony door because Hurricane Sandy is trying to hold it shut on the other side…that’s fine Sandy. I believe you are leaving me soon anyway so you can play a little with my balcony door.

    Feeling a little claustrophobic though..



  402.  #403ruth on October 26, 2012 at 5:14 am

    get a grip tam you hippy;)

    (goes off to hug a tree)



  403.  #404Tam on October 26, 2012 at 5:15 am

    hug a palm tree, please, Ruth! Tsk, tsk!
    Feeling frowny! 😉



  404.  #405ruth on October 26, 2012 at 5:17 am

    No palm trees in blighty!



  405.  #406Tam on October 26, 2012 at 5:19 am

    405..see?! that’s why I am here 🙂
    I love palm trees and like to lie underneath them…I fear one of those days a coconut might blow out my lights. Could think od a worse way to go though..



  406.  #407ruth on October 26, 2012 at 5:20 am

    I just spat tea all over the screen reading that!

    🙂

    Chuckle

    Right, well, I am orf to Beachy Head

    (to run , not to fling myself off it)

    laters!
    x



  407.  #408Smile on October 26, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Ruth, Im still inspired by your energy.
    Mine will be short and sweet I’m sure!

    Smb, I’m now closer to the source of the river than where it meets the sea! Strummingman shares your accent  I pick it up from work often too.



  408.  #409Smile on October 26, 2012 at 5:23 am

    Ruth, you make me smile 



  409.  #410Smile on October 26, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Tam, I have a cOmedy sketch in my head of you holding onto the palm tree as the hurricane sweeps your legs in the air. Loving the wind swept hair, beautiful x



  410.  #411Francesca on October 26, 2012 at 5:27 am

    Daria @ 187

    (((((woman emotion transformer)))))

    wet



  411.  #412Francesca on October 26, 2012 at 5:28 am

    As in tears, of course.



  412.  #413Tam on October 26, 2012 at 5:31 am

    497..oops sorry Ruth..yep, don’t fling yourself off it – much like ‘yesterday I stood on the edge of a Cliff and today I am a whole step further’….ermmm…
    I like Cliffs though…ha!



  413.  #414Tam on October 26, 2012 at 5:33 am

    410 Smile, hehe..I didn’t feel beautiful, hadn’t slept much the night before and then the messy wind, kind of funny though…yep, holding onto Palm Trees for dear life today…I feel giggly now…



  414.  #415Femininewoman on October 26, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Is sandy predicted to hit Florida hard?



  415.  #416Tam on October 26, 2012 at 5:57 am

    FW, no not too bad, just a lot of flooding and some roads closed, it is very windy though..just a tropical storm, only the fringes…but I believe when it makes landfall further north it will be pretty strong.
    Thanks for asking 🙂



  416.  #417Femininewoman on October 26, 2012 at 6:07 am

    I am in New York so I know it will affect us



  417.  #418Heart on October 26, 2012 at 6:07 am

    I just saw AwwrCd in a pic with people and I felt triggered and jealous Even though I don’t even like/don’t feel attracted to AwwrCd.
    Isn’t that weird.
    I feel intrigued by my own jealousy…



  418.  #419Femininewoman on October 26, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Hi Indigo. Welcome



  419.  #420Tam on October 26, 2012 at 6:16 am

    Oh FW, yes I believe so too regarding the storm…I heard about it on the news, oh I shall send positive vibes and hope it shifts course a little!!



  420.  #421Heart on October 26, 2012 at 6:16 am

    wow….CudG has really pulled away…In fact I would just say he’s gone at this point …I feel self-blamey at certain times. I have still been thinking of him. Absence has made my heart grow fonder . He showed up on FB today..and I felt relieved. Relieved to remember he is a real person and not the-guy-in-my-head.
    I tell myself you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man…



  421.  #422Tam on October 26, 2012 at 6:19 am

    421..further to that Heart, it is also totally possible to do the right thing with the wrong man and keep him hanging on to your saddle and look like he may be the right man for a bit. I may have been there, so in some ways that just prolongs the inevitable.
    It all works out like it should.



  422.  #423Indigo on October 26, 2012 at 6:22 am

    # 394 Silver Moonbeam

    Thank you. And I know. I have been lurking reading the comments here for a few weeks, and I admire you all so much!

    And I’m glad I reached out. I need the support. I am learning how to wean myself off pain and turn towards calm and happiness. Ah, I feel ashamed to admit that.



  423.  #424Heart on October 26, 2012 at 6:25 am

    hehe Tam…nicely stated…

    Has anyone read this ebook called Enchant him?
    I received a link to it in my email today and it lead to a video presentation. The lady kept talking about a simple secret! I feel so curious but the whole thing seemed so gimmicky and Icky!



  424.  #425Femininewoman on October 26, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Didn’t feel icky or gimmicky to me. I just find it boring listening to the long promotional playing on my curiosity and mystery solving tendency.



  425.  #426Heart on October 26, 2012 at 6:28 am

    Still the tips in the presentation seem true…

    I feel bad for putting down someone’s work..
    I feel guilty and want to compensate for being mean.



  426.  #427Tam on October 26, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Heart, no. But in some ways I also feel sick of all these kind of things. When I see what happens when a guy is into me, it feels like I have to do absolutely nothing to enchant anybody…I am just being me now. Seems to be enough?
    Feels quite freeing too, and letting go of those who don’t think my ‘me’ is enough for them.
    Good riddance I say.
    I would like to be enchanted more than I want to enchant anyone these days.



  427.  #428Heart on October 26, 2012 at 6:29 am

    FW – yup that’s it ….thats what I mean by Gimmicky…



  428.  #429Femininewoman on October 26, 2012 at 6:30 am

    “A man does what he must – in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures – and that is the basis of all human morality.”

    ― Winston Churchill



  429.  #430Tam on October 26, 2012 at 6:30 am

    I have no idea but the title ‘enchant him’ already feels yucky to me. Enchant him? IDK, I feel ‘yuck’ reading this, like ‘try hard to win him’.
    Urgh. No thanks.



  430.  #431Heart on October 26, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Tam – I hear u ^_^

    Still, that video does a good job of making u feel really curious!! I want to know 😀



  431.  #433Heart on October 26, 2012 at 6:40 am

    Tam – as Fw says….it plays on your curiosity & mystery solving tendency…rather than your desire to enchant a man.



  432.  #434Tam on October 26, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Heart, I am probably just feeling very pragmatic today. A bit like ‘it is what it is’.
    I’d rather be storm chasing and reading a book than solving a mystery…or enchant a man. Ha!!! 😉



  433.  #435Heart on October 26, 2012 at 6:46 am

    Iama – eeek!



  434.  #436Tam on October 26, 2012 at 6:46 am

    I feel very ‘blah’ about dating right now, a bit like food that I am not so interested in. I can take it or leave it – makes no difference.
    I feel happy that my friends asked me to go out with them and pick me up this evening, despite the brutal weather….I feel well cared for.
    I feel included and wanted.
    These are positive and nice people. The invitation came just at the right time.
    I feel safe inside with storm and rain pounding…I have made a lovely steaming cup of tea….and am working away on my laptop.
    Life is good, Ladies!
    Yes, it could be better….but it could also be sooooooo much worse. I feel grateful for what and whom I have!!



  435.  #437LoveAlways on October 26, 2012 at 6:52 am

    good morning sirens.
    Good article
    My letting go happens like the waves on the shore line… Back and forth . . . Ebb and flow

    It has been a week since hscd and I parted. It feels like a lifetime lost



  436.  #438Heart on October 26, 2012 at 6:55 am

    I feel restless…I feel bored…
    I want CudG…I miss cuddling..I can’t believe I turned him down 3 times essentially…
    He is such a babe..
    Wow I was scared…I felt unhinged and unsafe.
    But something about us was just Off.

    I hope I stop caring soon…and forget about him.



  437.  #439Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Daria: I was thinking about our conversation last night and I was wondering why some of the things you said about me didn’t bother me at all and others bothered me a lot. At one point you apologized for saying something and I truthfully told you I didn’t want you to worry about it because I understand that sometimes things we say bring up images to others and that’s okay. Yet other things that were said felt so hurtful to me. I think I get it.

    When you were saying these things:
    “i feel excited to heal images of you sentencing me to death because of not seeing my intrinsic human worth” – it felt to me like simply that. An image of how you feel when someone doesn’t see you in the way you are trying to be seen…of me sentencing you to death. An image. It was nothing more than how that scene played out in your head or heart.

    But when you were saying these things:
    “i feel so sad and pist to have somone flounce Thanking for Triggers”
    “and i feel pist to have it slapped away like an ‘inconsequential girl’ ouch not seen not loved ”

    it felt more like you were accusing me of blowing off something that is important to you just because it is not authentic for me. It felt like you were accusing me of disregarding your feelings when actually, I was just saying how that feels for ME.

    But when you said this:

    ” i don’t seem to care very much that you think so”

    it brought tears to my eyes…and I’m not kidding about that…real tears…because at that point, I (and what I think) was being ‘dismissed’ or ‘slapped away’ if you will. My feelings and thoughts became inconsequential to YOU…the same thing you were accusing ME of doing. Yet at the same time, you were telling me you respect all people the same. It didn’t feel like I was being respected at all.

    It really hurt because I try so hard to say the right things so you will see (and care about) where I’m coming from. But…no matter what I say, in all the years I’ve been coming here, we can’t just disagree, it has to go much deeper than that. I never wanted that for us but I don’t know how to stop it without agreeing with everything…and I’d rather be authentic than say I agree with something, even when I don’t, just so I can avoid conflict. I have a feeling you and I will always say things that cause the other to hurt. I don’t know a way around that. 🙁

    You said this: “I want to respect everyone as in choose to treat them with respect.”

    and I like that. It isn’t for me, it takes a little more for someone to get respect from me but…when I complimented you by telling you I respect you (and I really do), instead of thanking me for that, you got upset because in my eyes, you earned that from me. Is it not possible to just respect me for my own point of view and not judge me for how things work in my own heart and brain? I would really like that. “I respect you” was a compliment. “Thank you” would have been nice to hear, but the only “thank you” I ever seem to get is a “thank you for the trigger” right after a very hurtful “riff”. That stings.

    Anyway…just wanted to write to you because you and I have gone back and forth so many times over the years and I hate it. I really, really love how you think and write and use the tools…I love it. I don’t always agree with it and I can’t always feel the same way about things as you do, but…I don’t know…I’ve always liked you. I just don’t like being hurt when I say things you don’t agree with.

    There are others that come here (and that used to come here) that I really don’t like so it doesn’t bother me at all when they say mean things or attack me…I could really care less (and truth be told, sometimes I like to egg them on because I know they should be facing some serious issues. I contemplated writing a book titled “Women Whe Are On a Perpetual Period and Insist On Mixing Medications”….but I digress…).

    But with you, I would love for us to be able to get to a place where we respect each other’s differences and try to learn from each other or at least keep an open mind and heart to where we each come from.

    That’s all on that subject unless you’d like to explore it further. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about it a lot last night and I value your opinion of me and want you to be able to see me even through my differences.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  438.  #440Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 6:59 am

    338 Annie: Thank you!!! I love feeling understood and supported with compassion. I really, really appreciate that!!

    384 Ruth: WOW! 2007!!!! That is awesome! Did you finish each time? I heard most people don’t actually finish. I still haven’t fully committed (worried about taking time away from J and I to spend writing in another room but he supports it if I want to do it)…I still have 5 days to decide. LOL

    Thanks ladies!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  439.  #441Tam on October 26, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Mercedes, can you se the difference between feeling messages, and your messages? You posted this:
    “i feel so sad and pist to have somone flounce Thanking for Triggers”
    “and i feel pist to have it slapped away like an ‘inconsequential girl’ ouch not seen not loved ”
    (Daria, all feeling messages)

    Mercedes:
    ‘it felt more like you were accusing me of blowing off something that is important to you just because it is not authentic for me. It felt like you were accusing me of disregarding your feelings when actually, I was just saying how that feels for ME.’

    (not one feeling message, blamey)

    Saying ‘it felt more like you were..’ (not a feeling message), it could translate to ‘I feel misunderstood/unheard etc’

    When, Darias are all feeling messages. She is simply stating how she feels, not accusing you.

    This helps me see when a man gets angry at our feeling messages…soo interesting. MrP got angry at my feeling messages and it even seemed to have promted him to ‘jack it all in’ and go back onto the dating website.
    Wow.



  440.  #442Calypso on October 26, 2012 at 7:14 am

    Drill Sgt CD is really turning up the heat and I am fascinated with my response to him. I am in a relationship with a nice man who is being good to me, tells me he loves me and who obviously wants me in his life. Why am I letting the attention of another man turn my head? Is it because he is so much younger than me and in rediculously good physical shape? Do I just like the danger of it? Do I just feel “safe” because he is so far away and I think I can get away with this? Is it the thrill of being hunted? I don’t know, but the minute JC dropped me off last night I let the Sgt know I was alone and he called and talked dirty to me until I couldn’t take it any more – this is beyond practicing . . . unless I’m confused about what I’m practicing for! Yikes . . .

    I ask myself, would I be acting this way if I was still in a relationship with GM and the answer is a resounding NO – hmmmmmm . . . I HAVE to keep in mind the RELATIONSHIP I want – that is what JC is offereing me.

    I just don’t see the point of having cake if you can’t eat it too . . .



  441.  #443Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 7:14 am

    Tam: It is very, very rare for me to use a feeling message. I use them sometimes on this blog because the women here like it but it really isn’t authentic for me. I use them authentically with J when I feel it is important. That’s a subject that will spark a whole new debate on here though and one that I’m not ready for today. I just wanted to tell Daria what I was thinking about last night and why it hurt so much.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  442.  #444Tam on October 26, 2012 at 7:14 am

    It would feel so much better to be practicing feeling messages, not egging people on who ‘should’ (eek) ‘look’ at their ‘issues’?
    Eeeek. I feel scared by that. I would feel better if everybody with issues was respected like everybody else, because we all have them? Compassion instead of egging on maybe?
    makes me feel all frowny and my heart beats faster when I read this.
    I might skip those posts now maybe…ooh…frowny frowny….I feel like banging on about Roris rules for posting here.
    Rori?



  443.  #445Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Never mind…



  444.  #446Tam on October 26, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Mercedes, may I gently ask why you feel this blog helps you and in which way? If you don’t agree with the main purpose?
    I feel curious about this.
    You don’t have to answer if it makes you feel quesy though.



  445.  #447Tam on October 26, 2012 at 7:16 am

    queasy even



  446.  #448BAB on October 26, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Humm good food for thought.. I definitely see how I do this ans have always done it.
    Where to start? Anyone else struggling with this? And how did you start to break out?



  447.  #449Heart on October 26, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Bab – Sinking in and really feeling all your emotions a couple of times a day Is the only authentic way…

    That way if you are feeling spiteful and blamey and angry…You will feel it…

    You can’t go wrong if you sink and feel….
    And if all you feel is anger and blame thats what you need to say to yourself and feel until it other emotions who up…

    Watch out for the word “You”. Check you insides and you’ll see that when you jump to using that word….there is usually Anger and blame and fear and Agenda under it all.



  448.  #450Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Tam: I do agree with the main principles here. Very much so. I’ve put them into practice and I have the relationship I want. I am a “success story” if you will. I credit Rori on my own blog for all to see because I love and honor her work.

    I used the concepts of walking away, circular dating, leaning back and feeling messages with J and I have had him in my life for almost 8 years now and we are incredibly happy.

    I don’t use feeling messages in general. I use them when I believe they are important. I understand the difference between saying “I feel” and saying “It felt more like you were” and I can assure you, I choose my words very carefully and rarely regret them.

    This blog helps me because it gives me a place to use my experiences and history and education to help others. I have Rori’s support in that and we respect and understand that we have completely different communication styles but we truly enjoy each other’s voice. We sometimes disagree (and on some things we disagree SERIOUSLY and we have triggered each other greatly) but for the most part, we do agree and on the overall concept, we GREATLY agree. We have a HUGE difference in our delivery. We LOVE each other for those differences.

    Here is her most recent comment to me on this blog (last post):

    “Mercedes – I’m just SO thrilled to have you and your wonderful voice back here..your blog is inspirational! Love, Rori”

    It was so nice to see that. She knows I love and agree wtih her teachings and that matters most to me. You see how she says “wonderful voice”? And she knows (because I’ve said it plainly a million times), I don’t consistently use feeling messages.

    It actually offends the readers here a lot more than it offends Rori. I find that kind of interesting but it makes me love her all the more.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  449.  #451Femininewoman on October 26, 2012 at 7:32 am

    (((((((((((((Mercedes))))))))))))))))



  450.  #452Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 7:34 am

    FW: Now I have tears again! I think I actually felt that hug!!! 🙂 Thank you!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  451.  #453BAB on October 26, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Mercedes- I love your take on feeling messages!



  452.  #454Heart on October 26, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Mercedes – you have a blog?



  453.  #455Femininewoman on October 26, 2012 at 7:39 am

    BAB click on her name



  454.  #456Tam on October 26, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Thank you for the explanation Mercedes.
    I do feel apprehensive and turned off by the superior vibe and ‘advice’ giving to ‘us’, feels cringey to be thought of as the ‘unenlightened ones’, but I now totally understand why you are on the blog. Because it makes you feel good.
    Like the rest of us, basically, just with a different approach.
    It’s all good.
    It would feel better to think we are all the same on here and not some are ‘experts’ and others have ‘issues’, but if it helpy you with your healing then I feel accepting and understanding of it actually.
    I get it 🙂



  455.  #457Starla on October 26, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Hi Ladies:) Happy Friday, if Friday means something to you!

    Last night I took nice care of myself by cleaning up my apartment, buying myself some needed tools for the winter, and watching a hilarious television show that made me feel so full of laughter and delight.



  456.  #458Starla on October 26, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Also, I’m very certain all the B vitamins in my way awesome/complete daily multivitamin that I pay like a bazillion dollars for is causing my breakouts.



  457.  #459Tam on October 26, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I felt triggered…now I realise why..also the reason why I felt triggered by the woman with the bikini pictures holding a big fish in hand and saying ‘I am the best Fisherwoman ever’….because I feel triggered by what I perceive as bragging.
    Hm I wonder what that brings up in me to heal.
    Ought I ‘brag’ more and root for myself more? Hmmmmm…strange.
    In fact, I think people blowing their own trumpet have always triggered me…I remember the one posting on fb about being oh so charitable also….that triggered me too…in my book the rule was to do the charity rather than brag about it.
    When actually, there isn’t anything wrong with blowing one’s own trumpet really.
    I wonder…does the self praise come from low or high self esteem..hmmm. Insecurity? Or over confidence? Same as with the posting of millions of bikini pics. Dominique said it could be insecurity…hmmmm….I feel confused.
    I feel accepting of bragging now. Maybe I feel jealous of people who want to hog the limelight, yet I never felt comfortable with taking their space.
    I feel more comfy sitting in a corner quietly and watching…hmmm. Interesting.



  458.  #460Tam on October 26, 2012 at 7:50 am

    458 Starla, yes there is a link with B vitamins and breakouts/skin rashes..be careful



  459.  #461Starla on October 26, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Everything in my life is going to be so wonderful:)



  460.  #462Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 7:51 am

    BAB – Thank you SOOOO much!

    Heart – Yup. You can click on my name. But know that I have spent very little time writing there recently and it sort of took an “all over the place” turn so it’s kind of a mess. The first posts are probably the most helpful (or at least the most enlightening as far as how I see relationships…). The most recent post probably the most inspirational (there might be others too). The ones in the middle have the most insight into what I’m like in my day to day life. lol

    Tam – Thank you for understanding. I don’t think of anyone here as unenlightened though so please don’t give the impression to others that that’s how I think. I give advice. I receive advice. I think of it as women helping women. I accept that my advice is taken and not taken and I love that we have a lot of people here who can give different perspectives on someone’s situation. I know that Rori is the only “boy” here and yet I also find it near impossible to ignore a post from a woman who says “what do I do” or “please help me” or “sirens, what do you think”…so I usually don’t. When I’m here, I generally give her MY advice (not always in line with what Rori would say, but Rori isn’t always here to help either) Rori knows she can censor me anytime. We’ve talked about it in the past and she’s only had to do it once because of something I said to EMK. She just made me change it to a feeling message since I was talking to a guy on the blog. Other than that, she hasn’t changed or touched or removed a word I’ve written. Oh…and I don’t think of myself as an ‘expert’ either…not in this area anyway. I am an expert in my field but certainly not in the Rori Way so I’m not here as an expert…I’m here as me.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  461.  #463Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 7:55 am

    Tam: Mama Gena is great at embracing the bragging. Her groups/followers (not sure what to call them/us) have monthly bragging sessions. You come and you brag about anything and everything. EVERYONE brags. It’s really cool to reach that place where you can do it. Feels nice and always makes me laugh. Also, I think it helps (me) with being happy for other’s success/happiness/good fortune/beauty…instead of being jealous of it.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  462.  #464Daria on October 26, 2012 at 8:06 am

    🙂 Mama Gena :). I feel kinda open thinking of her.

    I ‘learned’ bragging is ok… Encouraged… From her too

    Hence Daria is awesome! 🙂



  463.  #465Tam on October 26, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Lessons in bragging sounds cool.



  464.  #466Daria on October 26, 2012 at 8:11 am

    I’m feeling a little sad and a little panicked that it seems I have a bed bug. And I already did intensive laundering w vinegar.

    So maybe it’s in my pjs, I didn’t change those.

    I think it’s in this blanket my friend gave me though.

    And I want to do my full laundry and vacuum and I feel overwhelmed.

    Oh! It would feel fun to create a fun game so my LG (little girl) has fun doing it.

    Thank you Daria for brushing my hair last nite.

    Thank you for getting me water.

    Thank you for caring about being bitten

    Thank you for having great boundaries w men.

    It would feel great to do a big T-tapp stretch.

    🙂

    I have a 5 pm CD that confirmed and he’s gona cook for me.



  465.  #467Daria on October 26, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Mama Genas books are PDF reader style abd they’re only like $8 . I feel so excited about that, i love when things feel particularly easy accessible



  466.  #468Daria on October 26, 2012 at 8:16 am

    I feel a lil worried to share this, that while she had enormous female empowerment, pleasure and extravagance ok power for me…

    I felt kinda confused that she seemed to have leaned forward to get her husband… Abd then wow I felt a bit surprised but also kinda more ‘safe’ when they divorced a few years ago.

    Roris tools are the real deal for relationship, even awesome women and pleasure loving rockstars like Mama Gena would benefit



  467.  #469Starla on October 26, 2012 at 8:28 am

    i called my old job at the pro-pot campaign to RSVP for their election night party, and the whole office squealed and cheered that I was on the phone and that I was coming.

    Awwww it was like a sincere burst of gaggling geese love

    i feel so special hehe

    yes yes life is going to be just fine

    sorry to be spamming…



  468.  #470Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Wow wow wow wow

    I feel absolutely shocked by some of what I am reading.

    Wow!

    Slathering on the love



  469.  #471Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Starla!

    I feel that way when I see your name here!!!



  470.  #472Starla on October 26, 2012 at 8:38 am

    ahhhhhhh LG, that makes me feel SO GOOD to read

    eeeeeeek i am just swimming in love today

    i want to share with everyone 😀



  471.  #473Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 8:39 am

    I feel highly disturbed reading this

    “There are others that come here (and that used to come here) that I really don’t like so it doesn’t bother me at all when they say mean things or attack me…I could really care less (and truth be told, sometimes I like to egg them on because I know they should be facing some serious issues. I contemplated writing a book titled “Women Whe Are On a Perpetual Period and Insist On Mixing Medications”….but I digress…).”

    Wow wow wow

    I feel like giving up

    Why do I even try?

    Oh well, slathering on the love.



  472.  #474Daria on October 26, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Yay yesterday’s Cd that I liked texted me ‘Goodmorning Princess”

    Aww. Wooh. I was feeling triggered was obsessing a bit .

    ((((Daria))))



  473.  #475Daria on October 26, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Ohhhh a whole group of ppl squeakig and cheering that im coming feels soooo good to me oh yay.

    I want that, all the time! Thanks life! Thanks Daria!

    Thanks Starla for the trigger/inspiration.



  474.  #476Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 8:58 am

    I’ve feel relieved because I’ve decided that I’m going to keep my focus on me today and not let disturbing and crappy feeling things distract me or suck my energy.

    Just going to focus on loving me and loving people around me who want to be play in a civil way with me.

    I am going to filter.

    I Am Going To Filter!!!!

    I feel so excited to say that.

    Slathering on the love. Soothing myself. Taking care of me.
    Loving my family. Loving my dear friends.

    I don’t want or need to make others feel bad to feel good about myself. That feels good to acknowledge. I don’t want to play this game.

    I don’t want to worry about trying to gain the approval or to try to ‘get others to understand me’

    I don’t want to put others down to prove a point.

    I don’t want to get into a masculine energy debate.

    I can just let it all go and take a step forward into the sunshine.

    Just gonna keep loving me no matter what little jabs are coming my way. Just keep loving me.

    Soft on the outside, strong on the inside.

    Trusting my boundaries.

    I know what feels healthy for me to be around.

    Saying no to toxic relationships.

    Don’t have to ‘make them wrong’. Can just say “no, this doesn’t feel good to me and I’m not going to participate.”



  475.  #477Starla on October 26, 2012 at 9:00 am

    I was actually lying awake in bed worried the other night that I would have to go out of my way to ask the campaign for information about the party, and invite myself, and that maybe they didn’t want me there (hahaha oh goodness, my mind… my self esteem)

    don’t listen to those nasty voices. they sent me an invite today and were CELEBRATING that i am coming.



  476.  #478Tam on October 26, 2012 at 9:00 am

    LG, wuhoo, that resonated and feels soothing to read 🙂



  477.  #479Daria on October 26, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Eek we just talked and now he wants to talk to me again when he’s on the road.

    But I feel better to have a fixed date time (he asked when I’m free but didn’t set the time rite now)

    I don’t really want to chop it up on the phone w CDs. Tho it does feel good they’re thinking of me and want to see me.



  478.  #480Tam on October 26, 2012 at 9:06 am

    I feel amused.
    Ever since my letter and the blocking of a certain person and all related posts on facebook (which feels soooo soothing), a certain person has been sitting online in my chat programme 24/7 more or less.
    It’s like ‘nenenene..you can block me all you like, but I am in your face NOW’…
    I feel smiley. I feel silly for making things up.
    I mostly feel: unfazed.
    🙂



  479.  #481Heart on October 26, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Tam – I might be over-stepping my bounds..but people on FB brag all the time…In fact most FB posts are essentially bragging.
    Maybe your triggering was connected to Mr.P? He commented on both the women’s posts…



  480.  #482Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Although I do have to say something…

    I feel appalled seeing women on this site being referred to this way.

    I feel tears welling up in my eyes.

    I feel angry.

    I feel disgusted.

    “There are others that come here (and that used to come here) that I really don’t like so it doesn’t bother me at all when they say mean things or attack me…I could really care less (and truth be told, sometimes I like to egg them on because I know they should be facing some serious issues. I contemplated writing a book titled “Women Whe Are On a Perpetual Period and Insist On Mixing Medications”….but I digress…).”



  481.  #483Daria on October 26, 2012 at 9:12 am

    I feel embarassed to talk about this and I talked to No Name CD last nite. I’ve been leaning back heavily .

    He’s the one that became a first time lover before I left.

    Pfffff

    Well he said he wants to see me on Saturday and take me to the movies.

    Then he says ‘or do you want to go half on a Telly like last time’

    Ummmm…. We did Not go half on a Telly lol. He paid for it And took me out to the movies. It felt super romantic.

    Now I remner that he Did ask me if I had the money to go half on a Telly and I said no, and he said ok don’t worry he’ll take care of it.

    I remember now I never made it clear that I wouldn’t Want to go half on the Telly if I did have the money for it in hand.

    Oops. I feel sad thinking he will poof if I tell him I don’t want to pay on dates. 🙁

    Maybe he won’t. But I feel kinda scared and put off a bit.

    I also notice he called me back after that convo like agreed, but I was busy abd missed it and didn’t call back.

    Pfff

    What I said to the Telly thing was

    ‘no! *surprise voice* I don’t wana do thaat!!?’

    And he’s like why not

    And I’m like

    ”that doesn’t feel good!!’. Laughing almost surprise voice

    I didn’t wind up talking about why – bec I don’t want to pay on dates – cuz he had to go and I missed when he called back.

    Ack I feel scared a bit, I feel mmyself holding on to some of these men I don’t want to do that



  482.  #484Tam on October 26, 2012 at 9:15 am

    480…actually, no Heart. It peeves me off constantly. If I was to share that constantly, you’d get even more groungy posts from me than you are already getting…
    since schooldays. I feel ‘less than’ in the company of ‘braggers’, like it’s some kind of competition I don’t want to be part of….yet I feel I ought to join in?
    I still remember the kids in school that were ‘all mouth’ and I just wanted to hit them.
    I feel embarrased by this admission…eeek.
    The Presidential debates – I don’t even watch them as they make me feel physically nauseous.



  483.  #485BAB on October 26, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Realizing after watching Anderson live why I have such an issue w my bf every time he brings up money.. I used to watch my parents grip over money when doing the bills and my mom always taking more then my dad for there weekly needs, I used to think this was so u fare of her, to leave him with almost nothing.. Now Im Realizing Iam turning my bf into my dad when he says we should make budgets and save and not spend so much on going out.
    I distinctly remember my dad yelling at my mom because of how much she would take us out to at during the week for fun. (McDonald’s of all places) lol
    Aww man something I never thought of before. Yuck



  484.  #486Tam on October 26, 2012 at 9:16 am

    481 LG, that bit triggered me beyond belief also but I decided to let it go as I wanted to feel good and not aggravated today..it made my heart beat faster.
    Yikes.



  485.  #487Starla on October 26, 2012 at 9:19 am

    i found myself resorting to snark whenever feeling triggered or when i was in a disagreement with someone. I’d be snarky to them or about them. Or sometimes just cuz I felt like I knew better than they did, and they were just wrong. There didn’t have to necessarily be an active arguement going on.

    Then I discovered that I was doing this to fill a hole where my personality was supposed to be. Where I was supposed to be strong and self assured in and entertained by myself, I instead attacked others. It was pretty sneaky… no one noticed I was just doing this because I was an extremely boring hole of a person who needed to point out my contrast with each other with enough enthusiasm to cover up the fact that I wasn’t totally in touch with my own identity, lol. Oops. Not sure who I was trying to convince… mostly myself, I suppose.

    Life feels a lot more intriguing now that I’ve let most of my snarkiness go.



  486.  #488Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 9:19 am

    I do not want to be spoken to that way.



  487.  #489Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 9:19 am

    BAB – Money can be such a touchy subject and I think much of that (for most of us) comes from our experiences as a child. That kind of thing really seems to stick wtih us and carry over into adulthood.

    For me, it translated into not being able (wanting to, being willing to, having a desire to???) share finances with a man. Even when I was married, I had my own account. The “financial independence” thing is so important to me. And…I think it’s because we grew up incredibly poor. Nobody had any money. I vowed I would never live that way so I make sure I have my own money and that if anything ever happens, I can take care of myself.

    So…I get it…triggers over money translating into relationships. That’s me too.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  488.  #490Tam on October 26, 2012 at 9:21 am

    480, and Heart, my friend, the one that I felt upset with the other day. She is also like that.
    She will often say ‘I am the best, the most beautiful, best dressed bla bla’.
    I find myself feeling super aggressive, and feel put down. Sometimes I feel it is directed at me as if she needs to put herself on a pedestal. I have to literally stop myself lashing out when she gets into one of those bragging rants….I sing ‘lalalalalalalalala’ in my head and blank it out.
    lol



  489.  #491Tam on October 26, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Starla, agreed on that. Jeepers, I used to lash out – subliminally and sometimes very openly – but it never made me feel any better in the long term.
    I much more prefer the mellow, compassionate approach (doesn’t always work but most times)



  490.  #492Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 9:23 am

    486 Tam

    Thanks for the reminder Tam. I don’t want to dwell on it. If anything it’s practice for how to speak up and say “I don’t want to be talked to that way”. I guess Rori next rec would be to walk away and do something nice for ourselves. 🙂



  491.  #493Starla on October 26, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Thank you, Starla, for feeding me a big, delicious apple.
    Thank you for accepting a snack bar from my coworker
    Thank you for dusting off my car this morning
    Thank you for dressing me in one of my favorite tshirts
    Thank you for taking off early this afternoon for my wax appointment
    Thank you for making sure I spend time with a dear friend tonight.
    Thank you for brushing my teeth



  492.  #494Tam on October 26, 2012 at 9:36 am

    LG Tam’s unqualified advice:
    put hands over ears or eyes and sing ‘lalalalalalalalalalalala’ loudly for a few seconds….and then it’s all gone away. 🙂



  493.  #495Goddess Lily on October 26, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Tam,

    A lot of what you say you feel about bragging resonates with me. I feel similarly….often….and why? Because I feel less than that person. But why? Because I wish I had their confidence? No one and I mean no one in my real life understands how I can not be confident. They are confused that I’m not arrogant. For a long time I thought this meant I was grounded but really it’s a lack of self esteem. This blog is helping me see that and see why I get triggered by certain things.



  494.  #496Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Tam: Haha! I’ll try it.

    I feeling curious now. I would love to see a post with you just bragging your heart out. Just for fun to see how it feels.



  495.  #497Starla on October 26, 2012 at 9:39 am

    i would like to see you just bragging your heart out too.

    actually, i want to see all of us doing this. 😀



  496.  #498Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Maybe not bragging. Maybe just sharing things that you feel proud of about yourself.



  497.  #499Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 9:41 am

    I’m having a memory of being told not to brag when I was a kid.

    Don’t brag. It’s unbecoming.

    I want to brag! I just don’t want to put others down in the process.



  498.  #500Laughing Goddess on October 26, 2012 at 9:42 am

    K, who’s gonna start?



  499.  #501Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Dominique!!! I got a new cookbook today!! “Tagine – spicy stews from Morocco”!! I’m soooo excited! J bought me a tagine about a year or so ago and I’ve had tons of fun with it (and made some amazingly good – and yet scary – dishes. Putting crazy things together that sound horrible but taste amazing is my new way of cooking. lol). This book will serve as inspiration for even more experimentation with flavors and sauces! Yay!! I’m happy, happy, happy!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  500.  #502Smile on October 26, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I feel sick. I saw a post by strummingmans mum on fb. she hardly ever shows up in my newsfeed.
    The sick feeling has passed now. It was just unexpected.



  501.  #503Heart on October 26, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Tam – well bragging turns me off IF it doesn’t ring true…I feel embarassed for the person and feel as if they lack confidence. I like arrogance if it fits…Some people are delusion and it irritates me because I just see it as lying or like creating a false reality…and they need me to agree in order to make their delusions true. Ick.



  502.  #504Daria on October 26, 2012 at 9:48 am

    oh wow! yay Daria

    remember that CD i said was the handsomest online while i was gone, and even put his pic up on Siren Island?

    well… haha

    we had that great convo and then i forgot all about him as i didn’t hear from him

    and nwo he resurfaced saying soemthing online

    wow! i TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT HIM i feel good with my focus staying on myself

    yessss

    helps put last nite’s pineyness into perspective, i could forget about those guys too in an instant



  503.  #505Starla on October 26, 2012 at 9:49 am

    I vote that Tam starts



  504.  #506Daria on October 26, 2012 at 9:52 am

    “One of the most fun and effective tools I learned through Mama Gena (www.mamagenas.com) is “bragging.” It’s not about boasting or putting others down, it’s about celebrating and acknowledging the good in your life. Once you join MGs class, you join an online community in which you can practice this fine art, as well as support and encourage other women by “upriding” their posts. “Uprides” usually go something like this: “You are so AMAZING! Brilliant, briliant, brilliant! You’re the most incredible goddess ever!” Reading other women’s brags is uplifting and energizing, and celebrating other women’s victories in this way, in my opinion, is downright revolutionary! For the most part, women have not been taught to celebrate ourselves and other women this passionately. To create a community in which women support, cheer on and truly celebrate all the wonderful things in our lives is a MAJOR step towards world peace.”

    ~Sarah Granby

    http://sarahgranby.com/2010/03/



  505.  #507Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 9:52 am

    “I brag…”

    Throughout the month, Mama Gena and her Palace Gang will be reading your brags, looking for the hottest, most succulent, juiciest Brag of the Month. At the end of the month, Mama Gena will announce your brag in the Global Forums, so that the entire community on Sistergoddess.com can read it and celebrate your success. Forget Ed McMahon coming to your door – THIS is the moment you’ve been waiting for! Join today so you don’t miss a single brag!

    http://www.sistergoddess.com/



  506.  #508BAB on October 26, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Mercedes- Ohhh yes! I’m the 4th oldest out of 8 kids, my dad had three job and my mom had ones swells homeschooling us. Never asked for anything growing up unless I was asked for deals for Xmas bday a etc. I always saved my money and used it for me and as I got older for my younger siblings, not wanting them to feel the way I did growing up.
    I have no problem having joint accounts and sharing finances now, but that’s partially because I feel if I’m not in charge of it or have access to all our bills and such it not get taken care of.. Controller, oh yes.
    And partly because I feel deadly afraid of, as I put it being screwed if the relationship ends, I totally see how this is an underlining mistrust that needs to be address… :/



  507.  #509Rori Raye on October 26, 2012 at 9:59 am

    LG – am I missing a slew of comments that I need to monitor? Someone point me, please if that’s true…(LG – I took out the words that landed you in moderation!) Love, Rori



  508.  #510Tam on October 26, 2012 at 10:03 am

    LG, Goddess Lily, Heart at al… I feel uncomfortable bragging but let me see how I feel later..maybe brave enough for a bragging post?
    How about you all?



  509.  #511Tam on October 26, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Starla!! Ok then



  510.  #512Heart on October 26, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Tam – I feel uncomfy bragging too…



  511.  #513Tam on October 26, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I am amazing. And cute and humorous.
    And and and (this is hard)…..ermmm…..

    A petite cutesy feminine GODDESS!!!!!

    I did it, I did it.
    (was that ok?)



  512.  #514Mercedes on October 26, 2012 at 10:06 am

    BAB – Yup…I have all that too. Middle child of 9 children. 🙂 I’m okay with how I handle money now though. I realize it isn’t for everyone and I could choose to try to “heal” it but…I kind of like it. I don’t see a need to change it because it isn’t hurting me (but if it ever does, I’ll do whatever it takes to heal).

    I actually have a boyfriend who is super cool with me keeping my own money and not having our finances combined. He makes a lot of money and has had his own issues with women wanting him for the money and so he’s fine knowing that isn’t me (at all!!). I make a good living (although NOTHING like his and have had my fair share of financial problems in the past) and have no need to combine with his. It’s all good for me.

    That said…If I felt this was hurting us or me, I would certainly look into clearing myself of those beliefs. For now, I’m just super lucky to have a man who is supportive of me so I can heal the wounds that run much deeper than this one. 🙂

    Large families….what they do to us as adults….lol

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  513.  #515Tam on October 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

    ((((Smile))) I blocked out everything on fb likely to upset me..I still check pages, but person(s) blocked comments don’t show up.
    The only snag…if someone who is blocked likes something and is the only one, it shows up when you hover over it as a like but saying ‘nobody likes this’, thus turning the blocked person into ‘nobody’. I feel a little mischievous over this..and giggly, so I hovered my mouse over it a few times…and kept thinking ‘nobody’ ..hehehe…
    I felt amused for a long time..



  514.  #516Daria on October 26, 2012 at 10:09 am

    i realize i judge and feel uncomfortable with my ‘hood self .

    the bragging ‘cocky’ one

    sometiems someone can push a button and out it comes oops

    and i feel afraid of being judged

    cuz its so over the top brash and arrogant

    and it feels so charged up

    but i feel AFRAID

    i know it’s ‘intense’ and not soft and peaceful, and … it can push men away or scare them or turn them off

    esp ones whos own ‘brashness’ is not as much as mine – which is a lot. hardcore. and i feel happya bout taht

    so it felt great to realize how i judge and shut myself down around this with other night’s cd ,who was encouraging me and pushing these buttons

    he wasn’t judging me, but i was

    he ‘held space’ for me really well<