The Best Way To Use This Blog…

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To help keep us “opinion-less” and “Feeling Message” using, here’s the “Guidelines For Posting” page (it’s in the Menu above for reference):

What’s so special about this community on this blog is that we’re a safe place…

We’re a laboratory. A place to practice Tools, to share our secrets, to be raw and vulnerable, and to learn to trust ourselves and one another in an emotionally safe, anonymous environment.

To keep it safe in this way, I monitor it as best I can, and want to respond quickly if you let me know something has suddenly become heated, gone off the guidelines, and become unsafe. (Sometimes we have a man join us, and if he seems thoughtful and caring, I let him through. And – the moment any woman becomes uncomfortable with his presence – he’s gone.)

The language of the blog is Feeling Messages

The safety and wonderfulness of the blog is based on and depends upon focusing on speaking in Feeling Messages, in our rawness, vulnerability and poetry rather than description, advice, opinions and reporting.

If you’re not sure what I mean by Feeling Messages – start with my ebook Have The Relationship You Want (click on the book photo over in the right sidebar), and then read everything you can here – especially the comments.

And everyone here will help you with this!

We LOVE helping rephrase words, speeches and scripts – (and to avoid giving advice, we’ve found that the best way to do it is to say it how we would say it, not how we think someone else should say it).

Since I’m the only “boy” on the blog, I get to suggest!

(And I’d like to discourage suggesting from anyone else who isn’t a coach.)

“Suggesting” is forbidden in the 4 Rules to use with men, and so I ask you to try to avoid it here, too. I know you have fabulous ideas – and I’d love it if you’d express them as how it’d work for you, rather than as how you think someone else should do it.

If you’re not sure how to post your ideas and share your thoughts and feelings, simply start by STOPPING giving “opinions.”

This blog is so different from everything else out there

It’s not Huffington Post, and I keep it as monitored as I can to make it as safe a place to express feelings as possible. And I also want it to be a great and safe laboratory for everyone to express themselves ONLY in Feeling Messages ALWAYS.

That means “boy” energy opinions and advice aren’t helpful to any of us who’re practicing openness and vulnerability and “girlness.”

The only exception I make to this rule (and obviously I can’t monitor everything all the time, so no way is this going to be “perfect”) is for professional coaches and therapists who want to come here and be “boys,” and professional and offer opinions, advice, and help. Dominique, Orna Walters, Greta Hassel, Virginia Clark are some of these coaches.

Unless you’re a coach or therapist, and especially if you’re new here – would you consider seeing if you can “Translate” your thoughts into Feeling Messages?

I generally ask everyone to stop giving advice and use the blog to share in Feeling Messages and “Riff,” and generally expose their own emotions and practice speaking them in a safe place where “making sense” is not important.

If you feel compelled to give advice, here’s one way to try doing it differently: “If it were me…I’d feel good….” so you’re staying in Feeling Message format, not in masculine opinioning.

Also, if you’re new and just trying to catch up on my Tools by reading as much as you can here, you may not be all that familiar with my programs. So – I’d really encourage you to get the ebook. It’s very inexpensive, it’s the basis of all my other programs, and it would help you reframe your “voice” on the blog if you’re finding yourself stuck in masculine energy advice giving. It’s “Have The Relationship You Want” over in the right sidebar.

If you’d like some help with “Riffing” – a major Tool in use on the blog – please ask for help.

intimacyYou’ll notice that Daria Riffs a great deal and is expert in it (if you’re confused by some of her comments – it’s because she’s often”Riffing” – you can read about it and learn to do it yourself in the Power and Self Esteem Category here. Just start from the oldest post in the category and follow the directions. You can also ask Daria for help, and so many other of the fabulous women here are amazing in helping with Riffing, speeches, scripts, Feeling Messages – and so many of my Tools.

Interacting and asking each other for help makes everyone feel good, and gives us practice in helping without going all “boy” and giving opinions and advice. Watching how it’s done here so brilliantly so often will help you communicate with men in a new, wonderful way.

Looking forward to hearing more and more of your voice – as raw, vulnerable and safe as you’re willing to let it be.

Love, Rori

Here’s a sample of a passionate comment that I did not let through – and what I personally asked the writer to do to follow the guidelines:

“The only mistake any of you make is thinking that any of this is helpful. Putting a different spin on problems doesn’t make them go away, it just makes them worse. Who is Daria to judge? Shes been here for 4 yrs and still doesn’t get it . Love yourselves girls. Feel what it would be like to have the kind of relationship you desire and allow it to happen. Staying here will keep you exactly where you are. You cant get to a happy place from patronizing anger, it just doesn’t work that way.

OMG you all think you have to change yourselves to find what you are looking for. Do any of you realize that you are fine just the way you are? Who you are is the most precious gift. As for this being ” practice” for a real life situation, the ones who purge their opinions and judgments on the vulnerable and confused will never get it , inflicting their limiting beliefs . Stay here and stay in misery. Do the work ( the real work ) of accepting and loving yourself and know that you are fine just the way you are.

I realize that most people don’t love themselves. When two people come together that really care about how they feel it just doesnt get any better. Perhaps these many perspectives are what causes the confusion. Maybe a LOVE YOURSELF policy would help these women to understand that its not their business to worry about some guy. If they cared more about how they feel instead of trying to control a bad situation. their lives would be blessed , but then again when we know better we do better.

The best advice comes from within, intuition and inner guidance goes a long way to becoming who you are meant to be. Believe in yourself and never mind the endless line of do gooders ready to pounce when they think you have made a mistake. There is no chance for growth or expansion where there is no love.

Its the constant attention to what you lack that keeps you where you are. I can only hope that one of you gets this. Your life will change dramatically. the possibilities are endless.

***Here’s what I wrote:

Hi, This is Rori. I’m so sorry, and I couldn’t let your comment go through like this, because, as insightful and well written as it is, and despite the great ideas in it – it doesn’t follow the guidelines of what we’re actually doing here on the blog.

Would you consider rewriting it and reposting it?

Here’s how it works here – the whole blog is centered around being open and vulnerable and speaking the truth from your heart – And to do that, to keep it a safe place, as safe as I can make it – we all speak from the “I” position – using what I call “Feeling Messages.”

This means you’re sharing your feelings and experiences – NOT using the word “you,” – and not giving advice (except for me and other coaches posting here) and/or making judgments of ANY kind.

In other words – this isn’t a forum where you give opinions and have judgments. I miss some of that, yes, but basically, there are no advice-giving and judgment leveling allowed.

Judgment is totally the opposite of acceptance and self-love, and if we can’t love, have compassion for, be curious about, and have no judgment of others, then we surely don’t much love ourselves either.

Also – judging and thinking are all masculine qualities, and we’re about developing our feminine energies (you can read all over the blog what I think those are).

If you’re willing to take a look at how often you use the word “you” – and instead replace it with how YOU feel about yourself, and what makes sense to you – I would welcome you with open arms. If you don’t like my work – that’s fine, and so I wouldn’t be for you, and my blog wouldn’t be a place you want to be. Let me know how you’d like to proceed….

****

Also – sometimes things get heated

Someone gives advice, and someone takes it personally and it feels like an attack. And then attack-mode sort of takes over. I try to jump in quickly, and several women on the blog are watching out for this and let me know personally in case I miss it.

When this happens, I know it’s SO easy to react to defensively. We all instinctively want to defend.

And defensiveness does NOT serve ANY of us (certainly not me). So, please, if you catch anything here that doesn’t feel right, let me or Dominique or Daria or Starla or Feminine Woman, or any of the women you see posting here regularly know you’re feeling uncomfortable and we’ll work to sort it out.

Whatever you do when you want to “react” to something you see here – take the time to re-read these guidelines and USE your feelings and this blog to PRACTICE with!

That’s what we’re all here for – to practice.

TECHNICAL COPYRIGHT RULE:

I get into serious copyright trouble if anyone prints articles by someone else on this blog as a comment. (When I print guest posts – I get absolute permission from the writer.) So…

I’d appreciate it if you’d do it this way:

*If you receive a letter from a relationship expert, or read a great blog post of theirs – PLEASE don’t copy and paste it whole into a comment – instead:

1. Choose a few lines to quote, put it in quote marks, and then…

2. Link to the page on the site where you found the article or post or letter.

3. If it’s a newsletter, and it’s not to be found on a site you can link to, then use your favorite quotes (just a few lines, please) and add a link to the writer’s website if you like, or just no link.

Thank you so much, I appreciate your sticking to this rule…

(If you ever want to print one of MY articles or letters on some other site – feel free, just please put in a link back to the blog or the site – that would be great for all of us!)

Love, Rori

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22 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on May 24, 2016 at 7:55 am

    “Also – judging and thinking are all masculine qualities, and we’re about developing our feminine energies (you can read all over the blog what I think those are).”

    Rori it would be great if you could put some examples of the thinking, masculine qualities.



  2.  #2Starla on May 24, 2016 at 8:12 am

    Thanks, Rori. This is a great push for me to focus more on minding my masculine energy in general. Lately it feels a bit out of balance within myself everywhere I go. I feel drained from it. I just want to go soft and ooey gooey.



  3.  #3MissStix on May 24, 2016 at 10:14 am

    I feel vulnerable yet powerful. I feel proud of myself. I feel strong and courageous. I honoured myself and made a choice to do what is right for me and I did it with grace and compassion. I feel…nervous, trembly, shaky, unsure. I feel strength and solidity. I trust myself to care for myself and I won’t let myself down.
    I feel pulling energy. Vortex energy moving in the direction of comfort, safety, unchanging routine. I feel myself resisting this. I want to resist it. I don’t want to get sucked back into the place i’ve been hanging out in.
    I’ve moved. I feel like a mountain. I moved a mountain…I will move mountains for myself. I value my life. I feel protective of this life.
    I feel warmth between my shoulders. I feel it rush up my neck and flush my cheeks.
    I feel persued. I don’t want to feel pressured and yet…I do. I want to know I can maintain my strength and be soft and vulnerable and movable and still stand within my truth.
    I feel afraid of causing pain and hardship. I remind myself it’s not for me to sacrifice myself to protect a man…from myself.
    I remind myself I was clear, honest and asked for nothing. I remind myself he has a choice to give, to chase, to attend and lavish.
    I remind myself I can recieve and I am not a victim of expectations.
    My phone is dying. I feel more words welling up inside so i’ll have to save them for later.



  4.  #4Azure Blu on May 24, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    Thank you Rori for your reminder of how to use this Blog…

    Today I feel overwhelmed out of control with ANXIETY… so much so i had to take a zanax…
    I haven’t taken one in years…

    The man who is the father of my 2 MOST adorable amazing children has once again
    astonished me with the lack of care and fatherly love…
    Him and his family, over the years, have systematically excluded both of my children from their families inner circle and YET
    continue to ask for my children’s help and support for this dead beat dad!

    I cried with my children… let them share how they were feeling…
    and together we came to the wonderful conclution…
    that **MY FAMILY** loves, cherishes, adores and
    supports (whenever necessary)
    both of them and shares all aspects of our glorious family history
    ancient and new
    Welcomes them, since their conception,
    with open arms and will continue to do so forever!
    and they both said— what more could they want or need– to have half of their family
    that loves them unconditionally
    and would NEVER dream of leaving them out of the family!
    We are feeling blessed today with all this familial love…

    BUT I am still reeling from the reminder yesterday… My feelings are raw, exposed and I feel heartache.
    It is a full moon… emotions are running high…
    I was reading through all the old saved blog post for tools to take with me today…
    I found this magical gem…
    From Rori…. she writes….
    “Fixing is about relieving pain.
    Healing may require some experiencing of pain.
    Fixing is perhaps not what we really need,
    and it may not even be healing.
    Perhaps fear and obsession are just clues to healing,
    and don’t really need “fixing.”

    “When I want to “fix’ something – it feels like I want to “stop” something
    that’s going wrong for me.
    Perhaps a better word for me would be “adjust.” or “tweak.”
    This way I stay in the process
    instead of trying to follow instructions to get me to an end point.
    Basic truth for me is this: 
    If whatever’s going on in my system has created what now needs “fixing,”
    my brain, and my system as it is now,
    are not going to necessarily do such a great job getting me “fixed.”
    There has to be a sidestep, here.
    And I’m going to just call this – “release.”
    If I can just – if we can just – if you can just –
    allow yourself to feel pain only as a clue,
    and then just go toward releasing your hold on that pain
    and your focus on that pain
    as something to be “fixed” –
    the process of healing can begin.”

    “The moment you stop looking at yourself as “broken,” or “wounded,”
    or “the blame-taker or blame giver”
    – the sooner you can fall into the process of healing
    and experience what occurs.
    Experiment and explore the possibilities of accepting it all
    and trying something new whenever an idea comes to you.
    See what feels good.
    Make peace with what feels bad.
    Own it all as your life enfolding
    and unfolding and unraveling and evolving. All of it.”
    I am taking this into my heart and into my night…



  5.  #5Rori Raye on May 24, 2016 at 8:47 pm

    Starla, everything feels so much softer here, now, thank you for letting me know it resonates with you, also….Love, Rori



  6.  #6Rori Raye on May 24, 2016 at 8:55 pm

    Femininewoman – essentially, whenever we’re in our heads, “thinking,” “figuring stuff out,” or in “action” that COMES from “wanting to do” (this could look like initiating in any way that comes from a desire to have something “happen”) – we’re in masculine energy. Whenever we’re simply “being” – sitting with ourselves, taking in everything around us and in tune with everything inside us, FEELING…we’re in feminine energy.

    And, my new Business Siren project is simply an extension of all of the Modern Siren philosophy, in which we never, ever have to move OUT of our feminine energy.

    This new concept of mine is no longer about “switching hats” from feminine to masculine and back again, but about ALWAYS allowing our innate, organic, internal feminine energy to come through us, propel us into “becoming the action” as it simply moves through us to express itself. It’s the core of inspiration, creativity, chaos – all “feminine.” Love, Rori



  7.  #7Victoria on May 25, 2016 at 2:09 am

    Wow, we have a new look! Looks pretty and cleaned up, I guess I will need a little bit of time to get used to it..
    Congratulations, it is great to have a make-over, I need one for my wardrobe for sure, and I loved the brilliant idea to prepare clothes for the next day from the previous evening. I do this only for important events (big presentations etc) but it would be so good if I could develop a habbit out of it.



  8.  #8Victoria on May 25, 2016 at 2:12 am

    And, I love my Gravatar!
    It is green, and perfectly balanced and symmetrical, and I feel like it is smiling at me,
    Thank you, Rori!



  9.  #9ruth on May 25, 2016 at 2:40 am

    I like the new layout

    Just feeling curious though.Were those pictures of Rori taken in the UK?



  10.  #10Azure Blu on May 25, 2016 at 5:17 am

    Rori,
    I love this new look… I’m curious if the numbers could be added? It makes it sooo nice to refer to others posts by using numbers.
    Thanks!!!
    oxoxo



  11.  #11Azure Blu on May 25, 2016 at 6:07 am

    Oooops !!! I see the numbers
    Thnk you!!!



  12.  #12Femininewoman on May 25, 2016 at 6:50 am

    Rori thanks for the information. What came to mind is whether the Business Siren could be incorporated in the offer to get the whole Rori Raye programs in a package.



  13.  #13Starla on May 25, 2016 at 8:49 am

    Not feeling like myself. Want to feel like myself. I feel so stirred up. I feel super duper masculine. I’m overplanning. Overdirecting. Struggling to let go and lean back. I just want to melt and go soft, especially with my man, but it’s not happening. It doesn’t feel like a safe thing to do. I feel like if I stop overfunctioning or seeking reassurance, everything will fall apart. Sometimes my man will even ask me “what’s wrong?” when I stop overfunctioning and leaning forward. That’s when I REALLY know I’ve been out of balance in a big way for a while, to the point that it’s the new norm. But all I have to do is smile and say everything’s good. It takes a lot of courage, though!

    Ohhh, feminine energy, I missssss youuuuuu.



  14.  #14Starla on May 25, 2016 at 9:00 am

    I’m just a girl here. I’m just a girl here. A little, soft, gooey girl. I feel like a soft kitty on the inside, purring through life these days. My outside is not reflecting this at all, and I feel like I’m betraying myself. I feel so mad and sad for myself 🙁 Sorry, self.



  15.  #15MissStix on May 25, 2016 at 9:33 am

    I feel so low energy today. I am honouring this by embracing the softness that accompanies low energy.
    Relaxed, small smiles, slow walking, Feel hollow in my tummy.
    A dinner date with my ex-bf/current CD felt very nice last night. Felt new to be invited over and relaxing to have him cook for me.
    I felt nervous when he said he has some very important things to say to me. He wants to wait to say these things. He says they are all positive and yet I feel buzzy in my tummy about it.
    He said he’s waiting until i’ve “figured this all out”
    I’ve felt my ability to communicate reach a new level. It comes with ease.
    What feels difficult is when I have nothing to say. So I practice softening and breathing and accepting that I have no response.



  16.  #16HeartBeat on May 25, 2016 at 10:28 am

    Oooh! I feel happy with this new layout 🙂 I feel brighter.



  17.  #17MissStix on May 25, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    I like the changes to the blog. I was having issues before that made it difficult to type out a post on my phone and they are no more 🙂



  18.  #18MissStix on May 25, 2016 at 9:05 pm

    I feel tired and stretched thin. I didn’t sleep well last night.
    It felt good to go spend time at my place alone and have a nap with my kitty.
    When I woke up I felt way too lazy to walk back to my parents house so I stuck around.
    It felt so sensual to have a shower with him and allow him to wash me head to toe…Including a foot massage 🙂 Yumm
    I feel pampered and adored.
    I just got lost in my head and now I feel nervous and fluttery.
    I feel not unpleasantly achy behind my forehead. I feel barriers around me. Part of me urging myself to be solemn and feel sad. Urging me to play a role and let it show. To worry.
    I love the part of me that wants to worry and protect. I am about to take her to bed and give her a good nights sleep.



  19.  #19Azure Blu on May 26, 2016 at 6:09 am

    Miss Stix
    Mmmmm… I am enjoying reading your sharing of your feelings…
    I feel relaxed, soft and springtime wandering lazy through a meadow
    with tall grass…

    I feel stuck… my words of sharing with Spirit are stuck in my throat…
    I feel i am NOT being intimate and authentic…
    Is this the old me that would always stirr up negativity to keep men away
    or is this the new me….who knows that true intimacy is built by
    sharing how I feel…
    Everything seems fine… we are spending time apart -physically-
    because I am finishing up my magazine and It takes a week or more to get it to the printer…
    He stays close – emotionally – by calling, texting, sending photos of his day….
    I feel loved and cherished…
    if I listen closely to his words… He is struggling with spending more time with his daughter who lives with him at his house…
    That is it… nothing more… Listen carefully Azure…
    “Ohhhh… Spirit… that does sound difficult” “For me it seems the TV is an issue everyone struggles with.. You and I have been figuring out how to share our TV time.”
    I feel so happy… happy that I have this magazine I work with my daughter on…
    I feel happy, sunshiny excited that our relationship has strengthened because of this magazine…
    I have the strength to push thru and get this done quickly!!!



  20.  #20MissStix on May 26, 2016 at 11:33 am

    I feel discombobulated, out of sorts. I walked halfway to a place to get lunch and turned around…No appetite. I feel droopy and heavy. I feel resistant to telling anyone I know where i’m at and that I left home. I feel protective of my privacy right now.
    I accepted staying late at work today. What else would I do…
    My first week away is halfway gone and I feel no progress. Not a worry…It just means I’m staying where i’m at.
    I feel dazed. Catching myself staring into space. Catch myself pressuring myself to be ready to tell people and to accept dates from other men.
    Nature of my job means I have to be “on” all the time…Calm, pleasant, patient, smiling, helpful.
    My break hits and feel…whooooosh. All the air goes out of my tires.
    Chilly air and misty rain on my face feels oddly comforting, grounding.



  21.  #21MissStix on May 26, 2016 at 11:35 am

    I feel grumbly in my tummy. Not unpleasant when it’s not accompanied by the urgency of an appetite.
    Oh…A really sexy silver fox just walked by. That perked me up a bit lol



  22.  #22Jay Tee on June 18, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    Hi, I feel unsure how to begin…but feeling very sad the last few weeks. There is so much to say but to give an overview: I have been working with material from Rori Ray, Christian Carter and the Hendrick’s. Overwhelming all of this material has been fantastic!

    I have really focussed on myself and ‘loving myself’, and put many of these techniques into practice. It has been a great learning experience for me.!! I have meet some mostly great and some not so great men along the way, but learning how to express how I feel has been the biggest part of the journey – especially to the ones that I really liked!

    I am now 45 (writing this makes me feel a little old…I am clearly having a bad day) and have been at this for a few years. I am feeling very discouraged and maybe as some other wise people in my life have said: ‘maybe you can try and learn lots of different things, but maybe things just don’ work out how we want them too’. Maybe they are right as is RR and CC when they talk about the relationship you want is out there – I feel very confused and have lost my hope of building a life with someone else. I also feel like my confidence is quite low at the moment and that I am not sure if I can do any of this anymore…? Perhaps, just expressing this might be helpful?

    I am not sure if I have completely followed the rules of blogging on this site – I don’t think I have ever blogged before…lol…

    I think I am looking forward to hearing from others who have felt the same…

    Have a great day!