The Boy Toy – Can You Handle It?


The Question:

“I’ve been seeing a guy 18 years my jr. for the past 5 years. We are not exclusive. We see each other from once a month to once a week.

He told me he loved me FIRST (I had enough brains for that one) but we don’t say it anymore.

Last time was 6 months ago. 8 days ago I texted him and asked him if I could come over and make love to him the next day (not unusual)> He never answered.

And I didn’t bug him again.

I do know he is crazy busy. This morning I texted him Good Morning and hope he has a great day.

I’m getting NO response. I won’t text again, but the cold shoulder/silence is painful.

Any advice?? I’d deeply appreciate it. Thank You”. “Feeling Dejected”

My Answer:

Dejected – please, please don’t get all hung up over this guy.

I don’t care WHAT he said – he’s essentially your boy toy.

Nothing more.

A good friend, your lover.

Leave it at that.

Stop calling him.

This is about sex and companionship, not about forever-after in the way you might be imagining.

If that was going to happen, it would’ve.

Sure it hurts – and that’s because you feel invested.

Otherwise, you’d feel glad that you have this experience in your life so you can DATE OTHER MEN and perhaps get a relationship that’s more of what you want!

This is all part of this experience –

European cinema is all about this kind of situation (and I’ve experienced it in my own life…!) – and if this alll feels good to you, I’d say BRAVA to you – and get yourself a BUNCH of great men!

If, on the other hand, this kind of “boy toy” experience is way too painful and no fun – then it’s not for you.  

My sense is this: If what you really want is to be in a relationship, perhaps a marriage, something traditional and permanent – and you haven’t met a man yet (or several men!) who want that with you and would be a good fit for you – hanging out with this man has been getting in your way.

What kills love for us all, and gets us stuck in a trap – is that, even though your brain says and knows this is not a forever relationship, your heart and emotions are feeling quite differently.

Stay with what you want. If you’re not enjoying something, don’t invest in it.

If what you want is to keep him as your boy toy – then you have to hold up your end of the deal, which is to not have expectations, and to never, ever fall into your masculine energy and start chasing him, calling him, going after him, initiating anything.

I know this is hard.  I’ve been there.  Go Circular Date for real, and let this flow on HIS terms – or not at all (which would be YOUR terms).

Love, Rori