The Dog Walk – Tending To Yourself

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I love walking my dog.  And drilling down even further – I love HAVING to walk my dog.  My code of ethics and what I believe being a good dog guardian includes is walking her every day – twice if I can, but once as a must.

So – I get out in the air.  I have to leave my cave of my mind and writing, and walk among people and trees, and do my Tools – be present, love every single thing I see, feel, smell, think, am.

And it occurred to me that if I felt that strongly about things that had to do with MY well-being as I did about the well-being of my dog – I’d be doing a whole lot more things for myself.

I’d exercise more regularly, I’d take care of my skin, hair, clothes, errands, everything – with more sense of purpose.  Or, at least, that it was ALRIGHT to SPEND that time and energy on myself.

So – who’s the dog in me?

Who, inside me, do I really WANT to take care of?

And – how’s that working inside you? Especially if you don’t have a dog that needs walking, or a child that needs tending – no matter how YOU’RE feeling?

I thought about this this morning: Let’s find something in ourselves that we absolutely, without any question, feel REQUIRES our TENDING, and that we feel totally COMMITTED to – and (and this is important!) that we WANT to tend to.

What can this be?

I looked around inside myself and thought of many things – the physical ones came to mind first – the physical tending.

And then I thought about the spiritual tending – meditating, resting, walking, being with others who’re meditating and tending to their spirits.

And then I thought about tending to my emotions – reading a novel and letting it take me emotionally, more sex and sensuality, really caring about other people and tending to them while I’m tending to me.

Then I thought about my mind – and realized – THAT’S where it’s EASY for me to tend.  Give me a crossword puzzle, or a Sudoku, or a problem of any kind to solve, and I’m on it.

And that’s my cage.  That’s where the dog needs to be walked.  And it needs to be walked OUT of my mind, and into my heart, my body, my spirit.

So – I picked one from each group.  You do that, too – right now.

Pick something you LOVE that has to do with your body – a bath, a walk, the gym, working out with balls and bands at home, makeup fun, hair fun, decorating yourself with clothes fun…

Then pick something that has to do with your spirit – doing your favorite Rori Raye Tools fills the bill there – try “Touching Objects” and “Being Present” with them (I think I start working with those Tools in my Reconnect Your Relationship program – and for now…just do these things “literally”).

Then pick something that has to do with your heart, your emotions, your feelings – perhaps something that triggers your sense of wonder, or triggers you to cry, or to laugh.  Perhaps that’s a movie, or volunteering for some cause you care about, or driving somewhere where there’s a gorgeous sunrise or sunset…

Let’s see if we can come up with whole great lists of these things – please send me your personal picks – and I want you to pick only ONE thing each for your body, spirit and heart – try it out, see if it has power for you, see if it’s something you can do REGULARLY – just like walking a dog.

I’ll come up with my list, too, and perhaps we can inspire each other as we go along.

The idea is to find a personal “calling” around these areas that are, truly, all together – our unique ESSENCE.

And how can this help you get the man and relationship of your dreams?


There’s absolutely nothing in this world as compelling, attracting, and powerful and a woman who’s in touch with, and COMMITTED to – her essence.  And that’s YOU.

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Reshi on January 18, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    Physical: Making my hair look pretty and putting on jewelry every day
    Spiritual: Practicing meditation every day
    Emotional: Romancing myself with things like dates, flowers, candles
    Mental (since this is NOT one that comes naturally to me): have an intellectual conversation, set and achieve goals that are important to me

  2.  #2Daria on January 18, 2009 at 10:28 pm

    Physical – dance

    Spiritual – talking to plants, animals, anything around me in my imagination, and imagining in general

    Emotional – opening my heart and perceiving the world that way (I just started being able to do this 2 days ago)

  3.  #3Erin on January 19, 2009 at 1:28 am

    PHYSICAL – Dress up! and tan
    (I figured out that there is not much here that I love…this one was hard! I could think of tons of things that I hate and know I should do.)
    SPIRITUAL-Reading and finding new self development ideas/concepts
    EMOTIONAL-writing in my journal…writing in my “Things I Have Come To Know”, watching my wedding video and videos that bring me to that “love” place

  4.  #4Jen-B on January 19, 2009 at 3:45 am

    Wif my body – swimming in the sea, tending to my face like mask, hair treatment, body & head massage. (I’ll do either one when I can’t swim)

    Wif my spirit – talking to God.

    Wif my heart – Looking at stars, sunset, wind in my face.

  5.  #5Samat on January 19, 2009 at 7:09 am

    phsycal: looking and feeling really pretty, dancing alone

    spiritual: praying, thinking baout right and wrong

    emotional: receiving love without feeling like i have to do something

  6.  #6Tracy on January 19, 2009 at 10:34 am

    physical………..definately taking walks

    with the spirit…………..praying and reading spiritual stuff

    with the heart………..watching the sky…………..or the ocean…lovely

  7.  #7Linda on January 19, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    Physical… my appearance, I tan to look healthy not like leather and even though I have to wear uniforms to work I put my own style into them so I am still my individual self.

    Spiritual – I talk and listen to God and listen to music which leads me to singing and playing the piano.

    Heart – I really pay attention to what I am feeling and my intuitions now. I respond to them instead of stuffing or ignoring them. I write things out in order to release or settle that which weighs heavy there in. I speak to someone about my issue if I need to and take action to have peace even if it involves confrontation, I lived too long being too passive.

    Linda 🙂

  8.  #8Cassandra on January 19, 2009 at 2:53 pm

    For me….
    Physical = Getting back into the gym and working out or getting back into my Salsa dancing

    Spiritual =Getting back into reading my spritual growth books and spending more time in prayer/ with the Lord

    Emotional = allowing myself to receive love and good things from people and not putting so much energy into my relationship

    Mental = learning more about how to get my business moving

    Heart = this may be part of emotional but…learning to be in the moment…enjoying a walk or sunset and appreciating it for what it is

  9.  #9Cassandra on January 19, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    Samat – I could totally relate to what you said abouit receiving love without having to give or do something!

  10.  #10heartbeat on January 19, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    Physical – windsurfing (which fits the other two categories also!)

    Spiritual – visiting a holy well (ditto)

    Heart – writing and reading poetry (which also feels spiritual)

  11.  #11Chris on January 20, 2009 at 11:00 am

    I have been getting emails from Rori Raye and they have been helpful in my life right now as I am going through a very difficult time in my marriage! I am devistated with how my husband has been treating me for almost three years! He is an alcoholic and a workaholic and doesn’t care about how he talks and treats me! He is verbally abusive and emotionally abusive to me. I am so upset and am just trying to get through each day. I have begged, tried over and over to get him back to the man I married, but it’s going no where! I am exhausted of trying! If it weren’t for the emails of words of support daily I don’t know what I would do! My family is far away and can only talk to me over the phone and I have few friends because we moved to another city and haven’t made friends except neighbors and I can’t dump this stuff on them. I am so sad because this is my second marriage and I had thought I did the right thing, thought he loved me (and he says he does) but I am not treated right. He calls me names and we have had little sexual relations for three years. He says there isn’t anyone and I do tend to believe this, but he is gone everyday working and says that he has to make money to pay the bills being he is commissioned/self-employed. We have done nothing for three years, no flowers, no going out to eat, no movies, etc, etc. I am so devistated and torn with this situation! I have nursed him back five times from near fatal accidents he has had and we have been married only six years! I have found pot in his pocket in the past and not sure if he is still doing this! I know he is working with “not good” guys and this bothers me! Some have been in prision! Not good! But he “defends” the job and the guys he works with! I feel that he came into the marriage “faking” who he was and what he believed in! I found out from his family that he has been drinking since he was 13! I would have never known the first couple years we were married, but then I was working and he wasn’t. He had over 600K from a very bad accident he had just before I met him and within 3 years it is all gone! He blows money all the time and doesn’t spend wisely, yet he wants me to “contribute” to the bills! I used to help out, but with the continuing of drinking and spending money stupidly I cannot subsidize this crap! Please, if you have anything you can say to help me out please write back to me. I am going into the doctors office today to see if they can give me an antidepressant I am so down! I am a very good looking woman and I am not concieded about this, and I have a BIG HEART OF GOLD! I just am at whits end how to deal with this and not cry day in and day out! I feel I cannot change him and am trying hard to get this through to myself and stop trying! Please help me if you can! There is obviously so much more to this relationship so it’s hard to write everything here. Thank you! Chris

  12.  #12alias girl on January 20, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    Hi Chris. i am sorry. your situation sounds very painful for you. i am glad you are here. you will find help here (though it may not be the suggestions you want to hear as they have little to do with his behavior and reactions and everything to do with your own.)

    but if you wanted to get started in rori’s work and start using the tools you could start with her ebook. that is an excellent and not too expensive foundation for everything else she teaches. there is also a ton of information on this very website. if you start poking around.

    you can do this, chris, you really can. what you probably need most of all is support and to start coming out of your isolation with this.

    commenting on this blog was a brave first step!!!!!

    also alanon would be an excellent place for you to check out and maybe start attending some meetings.

    what rori teaches best is self love. and once we have that, everything else (literally EVERYTHING ELSE) begins to fall into place.

    i am rooting for you. as i am sure many women on this blog are as well. we have known your pain and we are working our way out of things together. out of pain and into glorious yummy love.

  13.  #13Cookie on January 20, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    hi chris, I feel so touched by reading your story as some of what you feels like pieces of my life story. i am relatively new to rori raye and was actually saying the same thing as you in terms of how her emails and this blog matches directly to how i am feeling on any given day. i don’t know if you read rori’s ebook but it speaks of overfunctioning in relationships and how leaning forward can actually drive men away. if you get the toxic men series you will learn that some men are just ill equiped to give us the love we need and also shows you how to define your own toxicness. and connect to those dark places. i actually feel out of order for telling you this because i’m still new to this work myself but finding Rori Raye was the best thing i’ve ever done for myself right now. I used to think that just because you were smart, lovable, attractive, kind, loving, nurturing to your man, etc, that it guaranteed love from him but i’ve learned that a man doesn’t love from his brain or soul even but from his heart and that sometimes doing all the things we do in the name of love actually will kill our chances of having the satisfying relationship we desire. my suggestions are that you post to this blog often, and start with the ebook. i hope this helps.

  14.  #14Kiki Janet on January 21, 2009 at 12:03 am

    I love myself now and feel good after going through that inspiring words of Rori.

  15.  #15Bebe on January 21, 2009 at 4:33 am

    Hi Chris,
    So sorry for fix you are in, Never been in that situation, however definetly start with e book. Alias Girl is right in her comments.
    Are you working now? ,,even if part time,, try to keep your money seperate from him…..
    If you can do it, try Rori’s toxic men program or at least read her description of it and see if that help..
    Alcohol, drugs, gambling I feel are all illness and can be ‘cured’ very hard work thiough and many steps backwards……….Have know of men who had cocaine addiction which always goes with blowing money and alcohol,, and they turned it around by going into a detox bootcamp setup…
    Please take care of self loving you first,,,,

  16.  #16Samat on January 21, 2009 at 5:36 am

    Hi Chris! Hopefully you are feeling better today. I dont know if you can change ur guy as he sounds a bit scary to me with all the abusive behaviour and alcoholism. But I think you should start working on yourself and become more independent and self-loving. Hopefully this will help you to notice if you want this relationship anymore. It doesnt matter if this is your second marriage, you can still find the love you need. Also if you start with the ebook you can get all the basics of how to act with him which might decrease the number of times you have arguments and your guy might be toxic so I think the best thing to do is to find yourself a safe place and lots of independence so you can get to see what you should be treated like and you wont stand any bad behaviour from anyone even if you love them and no one will be able to shut you down as Rori says. I am currently working on this but very slowly. I hope this was helpful.

  17.  #17Tallulah on January 21, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    This is so weird, I haven’t been looking at other categories here, for some reason I’ve got landed on the New Questions feed, just bumped into this. Anyway, last Saturday, completely independently of this, I wrote 4 headings in my diary Emotional, Logical, Spiritual, Physical and I was going to commit to honouring all these areas in my life in 2009! How amazing…anyway my list reads like this:
    PHYSICAL: Gym classes 3-4 times a week (followed by steam, sauna and a swim…ahhh bliss),sign up for a Dance class, Massage or spa treatment once a month, get nails and hair done every month, find a place that does pedicures. Hot baths with essential oils. Goddess food, focus on putting more food without packaging or labels into my body (ie: not MANufactured), Cook Dinner for my girlfriends. Go to hobby shop and find something to make. See if I can find a knitting/Sewing class, make presents instead of buying them this year.
    LOGICAL: easier one for me, I will be more conscious of what I am ‘ingesting’. Reading: complimentary therapies, Mythology, psychology, self development, novels, Less newspapers (that’s gone down anyway, I try to keep informed but I listen to the radio to and from work and that is it..I feel better for it), Crossword puzzles,I am in this area for 90 % of my day at work.Writing: Start collating my thoughts into a journal.Start writing my book about Perfume. Sign up for a Language/other evening class.
    SPIRITUAL: Nature/Ritual/Openess: Make a focal point/Altar in my house for prayer. collect seasonal objects and decorate it to honour nature at all times of the year (we are in too much of a rush to get from Winter/Xmas to Spring/Easter etc that we miss out on the PRESENT). Make time AT LEAST once a week (and build it up) to be still, to pray and to give thanks. I will find 10 things everyday to be grateful for.
    EMOTIONAL: not so easy this one: I will talk in feeling messages, I will honour my feelings even the ‘bad’ ones. I will make time to look at the stars for longer whenever they are out, I will practise being in the present and aware. Indulge in inspirational Music, Movies, Perfume(triggers emotion and memory centres in brain), spend more time in, with or connected with nature. Receive Love when you are given it. Trust and act on my intuition.

  18.  #18Dorothea on January 21, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    I have been reading this blog for a couple of months now and finally feel compelled (and inspired to be brave enough) to post a comment.

    It is about Chris’s story in this comment thread. My reaction to her story is that her husband sucks and she should leave. I noticed that no one really suggested to Chris that she leave the relationship. So my question to all of you lovely ladies (whom I enjoy reading about very much!) is why wouldn’t you feel like this is a women who needs to leave an abusive situation?

    I feel strongly that abuse should not be tolerated but after reading your more positive and encouraging comments I feel confused about if I am too sensitive about this kind of issue. Chris’s predicament doesn’t feel like something she can “Rori Raye” her way out of and fix her marriage because it sounds to me like he’s just a jerk in his behavior.

    Let me know what you think! And I LOVE this blog.

  19.  #19Rori Raye on January 21, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    Oh – what BEAUTIFUL LISTS! Thank you all – I really enjoyed noticing getting in and out of my cage, too – walking myself out…

    In answer to Chris’s problem – Thank you all for your support and suggestions that she get stronger inside and focus on herself, get Toxic Men and try Alanon – all brilliant ideas.

    And…Chris…please begin to imagine yourself without him. Yes – how you can LEAVE HIM, how you can support yourself, what you would need to do. Slowly start moving yourself away from him emotionally, baby steps but as quickly as you can because you’ll be practicing my Tools so much.

    The more you picture it, the stronger you’ll feel.

    As you feel more and more comfortable and less and less scared about – yes – leaving him. Just packing up and going – the more you’ll be able to speak to him from a place of strength.

    You must speak to him, because it’s all part of the lesson you’re learning with him – if you don’t learn to speak the truth to him in a way he can hear, you’ll just repeat this kind of abuse again and again. Here’s where it has to STOP. Right HERE.

    No drama, just “I’m feeling very unhappy and I don’t want to do this anymore.”

    If you’re afraid for your safety, contact your nearest shelter or hot line and get some advice – talk to someone who’s seen it all and knows your town.

    When he picks up on your new strength – he’ll likely try a bunch of things to beat you down again – telling you he’ll change – and then becoming more angry and abusive.

    I realize you’re financially dependent on him, and that’s the scary thing, here – so start making a plan. Where do you want to live, on your own, and how will you support yourself? The more detailed and REAL you make the plans, the better you’ll feel.

    And when you have all this in place (within a week you might be able to put a realistic plan together – just do the research and make the phone calls) – I would encourage you to simply GO. Make a new life for yourself.

    If he truly wants you – he’ll shape up and try to get you back – and I want you to hold the thought that by that time – you’ll be happily dating and on the verge of a new, happily non-abusive relationship. Love, Rori

  20.  #20alias girl on January 22, 2009 at 1:36 am

    hi dorothea. i feel very glad you were inspired to comment and share your thoughts. i hope you continue to share and join on this journey.:)

    i feel conflicted. obviously chris is in a painful situation but she is also very depressed and stuck in a cycle of abuse.the likelihood of her leaving with her being so isolated and having no support may not be her most realtistic or strongest option. plus she may not want to leave. many people in abusive relationships don’t want to leavem they just want things to be different with that person. once someone starts getting support and self esteem choices and options begin to open up and become much clearer. i personally try not to tell people what to do but try and support them in making the best strongest decisions for themselves.

  21.  #21alias girl on January 22, 2009 at 1:41 am

    hrmph. i wasn’t done with my comment.

    also if i was brave enough to finally reach out and everybody told me to leave the man i loved who i was not yet ready to leave i might harden and become closed to the help i could have received or felt unheard or misunderstood and then felt even more isolated. so i responded in a way that i would have wanted to have been responded to. that would have been most beneficial to me.

    however it takes all kinds to make the world go round and maybe what chris really needed to hear was your voice and your words. we can never underestimate the power of our truth. what feels right to me might be completely wrong for someone else.

    like i said i am glad you are here and i feeel grateful you said something and spoke your truth. xoxo

  22.  #22alias girl on January 22, 2009 at 1:48 am

    well apparently the first part of my comment didn’t post. it was just about how women stuck in abusive relationships aren’t always looking to leave. sometimes they just want things to get better with that man. also chris is very depressed and isolated so i’m not sure leaving is her strongest best option. maybe it is maybe it isn’t.

    i think finding support, gathering strength, and finding self worth are very good steps to finding clarity about good choices and options. also sometimes if one partner gets help (alanon) the other partner is forced to change as well.

    i think support is what chris needs the most right now. in my opinion. but like isaid. all voices are valuable.

  23.  #23alias girl on January 22, 2009 at 1:50 am

    oh an i also said welcome dorothea. i am glad you are here and are participating! 🙂

  24.  #24alias girl on January 22, 2009 at 2:11 am

    i feel triggered. one of my exs (yes the one that stopped by) in my opinion has an issue with alcohol. i can’t say he’s an alcoholic bc from my understnading it’s a self diagnosed condition/label. but i feel things might actually have worked between us if he wasn’t living a life of darkness with the alcohol.

    but i can’t change him sometimes i imagine we are one and i magine we are whole and healthy and perfect in form and health. we are all one. we are all whole and perfect. it is our thoughts that diease us but anyway that’s a belief system adn off topic to this blog.

    anyway i feel triggered. and yes, the only recourse i really felt i have with this man in this moment is to say NO. i care for you but i care formyself more and i simply can not tolerate the way your are inclined to treat me. and i know he heard it in my voice bc i immediately felt the shift in his energy.he was all calling me sweetness and what not and when i first called he said it was a bad time. i said well i can make it quick or i can leave it on your voicemail. and he immediately shut off the tv and made it a good time to talk. whatever.

    i know the truth. the truth is he is not at the same place iam and i am not willing to go lower to be with him. i can’t. i won’t.

    but i can and i will find someone who wants to build a great life together. oh yes i can. 🙂

  25.  #25Daria on January 22, 2009 at 2:27 am

    i want that too… someone who wants a great life with ME.

    and I want my guy I used to like now friend to come through for me in this financial thing. I know everything is going to be ok. Because I EFT’d it and I feel so peaceful now. HEHE.

  26.  #26Dorothea on January 22, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    It feels so comforting to see these perspectives… especially Rori Raye’s wisdom on Chris’s situation…it’s like a dark cloud has been lifted and I feel lighter and relieved. I feel really cheezy saying that, haha, but I swear it’s the lovely truth. I feel confident like with this kind of wisdom then Chris might actually get what she wants in a good way. And sorry to talk about you in third person, Chris!

  27.  #27heartbeat on January 23, 2009 at 2:47 am

    I feel inspired to do another list. I feel too cold to windsurf at the moment and I can’t go to a holy well every day (tho I do both in my imagination) so here’s my more ‘daily’ list:

    Physical – buying the best sheets I can afford and drying them outside on the line so they feel and smell gorgeous next to my skin, and make me feel gorgeous too.

    Spiritual – looking across the river to the city and feeling awed by human creativity and the beauty of the sky and water.

    Heart – driviing my car with music on feels great in many ways, the scenery, the music and the experience of driving somehow combine to allow me to feel my emotions without sinking into anxiety or immobility.

    I keep wanting to add in ‘being part of this blog’ – but it feels really important to have these things SEPARATE too, cos, like Reshi, some days I get too triggered. And I DO have a good story! I just don’t feel like shouting about it anywhere, it’s not so important to me any more. That feels more real. I’m done with high drama – I’ve had men do all the classic romance stuff, but that’s a red flag for me now – those guys were all in their imagination, their ‘love’ wasn’t real. I’m more amazed at how much better I feel in MYSELF. I’m enjoying the dance of getting to know my man and the me that develops in relationship.

  28.  #28Prescilla on January 23, 2009 at 10:06 am

    This is a great site, and I love the responses! Ladies, keep up the GREAT self-discovery and awareness. I enjoy reading your posts because I’m learning a lot as well.

  29.  #29We Buy Ugly Houses on February 3, 2009 at 11:07 am

  30.  #30peggy yost on April 13, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    My daughter’s wedding is coming up soon and I am feeling stressed about work,my break-up with a man,
    so for my physical self,a makeover
    As sad as I will feel i am going to watch “The Notebook and message in a bottle”-emotional self
    Spiritually,I feel I need my girlfriends to pray,so I can stay on an even keel
    The relationship I want is at the top of my active training list,I am in training to climb up out of the pit that has held me captive for over 30 years,I didn’t even know!

  31.  #31Rori Raye on April 13, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    Peggy, Welcome – and Thank you for your beautiful, evocative, poetic comment.

    As you watch these romantic movies, try bringing that “ahhhhh” feeling you get in your whole body into the whole world. See if you can enter into a romantic relationship with EVERYTHING – people, objects, living things, inanimate things…I’m doing this myself, it feels great for me, let me know how it works for you. Love, Rori

  32.  #32Uschi on September 8, 2009 at 9:49 am

    physical … I am not sure but will definately start talking walks with my dog maybe it will energize me – so far I have always been on the porch and thrown things for her to retrieve (she is a retriever and loves doing that) but she loves walks too and so I will go and start taking her for walks and maybe it will make me feel better too

    with the spirit … I am not a spiritual person so I am not sure how to get in touch with that

    with the heart … I love doing flowers and it always gives me pleasure to see one of my creations inspire a smile in someone else – its not just about doing the work and having that job and getting paid for it but it is more often about the smile I see on peoples faces when they see my creations and love them because to me it is like a validation

  33.  #33Uschi on September 14, 2009 at 9:58 am

    I love a hot bath and just relaxing
    I love doing flowers I consider that spiritual – I think
    I love nature however I am not always crazy being out in it but I absolutely love a home a place that is mine where I can be be and be comfortable with my lover (and I hope we get back what we once had) have my animals around me.