Your “Inside Job” Is What You Do So You Can Be What Works On The Outside

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Our relationship and love and self-love  instructions are clear: Try this, try that….

And….why don’t we do those things?

An example…Open your heart, welcome a man in, take off your clothes and dance….

So much great advice.

But we resist. (“But” is a clue we’re resisting.)

I know – because I can feel MYSELF resisting…

I can feel myself having expectations.

That I shouldn’t HAVE to do this because HE should do it.

I can feel anger. It gets in the way, and I can feel it freezing my heart.

And Here’s How To “Do” What Works Even With The Expectations And The Anger:

1. Speak your expectations out loud, or onto paper.

Hear yourself say the words, read what you’re “thinking.”

2. Feel your anger and resentment the moment you hear and read the words that are in your head.

Really allow yourself to feel it all.

3. Now STOP.

This is the place where you usually (if you’re like me and most women) go down the WRONG road.

This is where you start tensing up and feeling confused about what to do, and start bouncing around with ideas – ideas of revenge, of walking away, of angry speeches, of good Feeling Message speeches about your needs not being met, of wanting to scream with frustration…all kinds of “doings.”

This is where you start to “try” to “figure things out.”

This is where, if you’re alert and are working to be more aware – you’ll notice all the different ways you could “perceive” the situation: “He’s angry, he’s tired, he’s depressed, I did something wrong, we’re not well matched….”

…and as you go through all these possible “meanings” and “perceptions” about what’s going on with him and with you and with the relationship – and all the different feelings you feel and all the different things you want to “do” – you’ll notice what’s operating  here: your mind.

You’ll notice that you’re trying to solve the problem in a much more “conscious” way – of looking at all the possibilities instead of just the one road you usually travel down.

Now – does that help?

Sort of – but it doesn’t solve the problem you’re yearning to solve – What do I do now?  What do I say now?

The reason I said STOP was that as long as you’re looking for the What do I do now?  What do I say now? – you’ll be stuck in your mind. So…

4. Ask yourself this – what if I just dropped down inside myself, below the place where I’m trying to figure this out (and heroically trying to figure it out, so brava for that!), and I just forgave myself for everything and anything around all this thinking?

What if I just laid a thick, yummy spread of compassion for me around my heart?

What if I opened up to all this forgiveness and compassion and just, well…sat here (or stood here, or walked here) with it?

And what would it feel like if I didn’t TRY at all?

What if nothing I thought of perceiving or thinking or doing actually means anything?

What if it doesn’t even matter?

5. Now…focus on your body.

Really track everything in your body for tension and holding, and let it drop away.  Soothe it all with compassion and love for every fiber of you.

Track how the tension comes and goes, how it suddenly reappears, how it feels when it dissolves – if even for a moment.

Get familiar with how your body is reacting to what you’re thinking, what you’re doing, and the work you’re doing in these first 4 steps.

Get familiar with what happens when one part lets go and relaxes. Get familiar with the feeling of “being moved” that shows up – and get familiar with what happens when you start to “label” the “moved feeling” as “sadness” or “upset” or “anger” or anything at all.

Get familiar with what happens when you find yourself in this LIMBO place of constant forgiveness, compassion, and attention to your body.

If you feel confused and at sea and all in disarray – great!

6. Disarray is the start of your new life.

We have this idea that all the pieces are supposed to be in place.

That happiness is a “finished puzzle.” Done, glued, varnished, framed and put on the wall.

That once you have the puzzle finished – everything is smooth sailing and happy.

Doesn’t work that way.

In fact – there aren’t even puzzle pieces!!!!!

There’s NOTHING to hold onto!

7. If you have nothing to hold onto, nothing to put together, no solutions, no answers – how does THAT feel?

You may actually be surprised.

Instead of freaked out – you may feel a sense of overwhelming relief and peace.

A little bit of trust in yourself might surface.

8. Notice how your feet are touching the earth.

9. Now notice how your arms are extended into the air (extend them).

10. Breathe into your belly.

That’s it.

These 10 Steps Are Something For You To Do That Is A Kind Of “Practice.”

A kind of meditation (though it looks nothing like a traditional meditation.

The idea is for you to get so familiar with not being anywhere and not thinking anything and not doing anything that you start to get COMFORTABLE with it!

The idea is for you to take a NEW road that has no clear-cut examples to follow and feels completely by-the-seat-of-your-pants.

There IS a point to this.

The point is that doing this changes your “normal.”

And when you get a “New Normal” – (more on this Tool is in my Reconnect Your Relationship program) – the man who shows up (even if it’s the man you’ve been with for years) is different.

Your New Normal brings with it Confidence. Peace. Comfort….Happiness

Instead of thinking expectations – your whole heart and body is in “love mode” – and everything you were worried about shifts.

You’re more willing to do the things that make a man feel loved and welcomed and happy WITHOUT feeling needy, or angry, or resentful.

Because – in fact – you’re no longer DOING – you’re just BEING.

And – in just being, things get done. Things happen. You move, you talk, you feel – it just comes from a completely different place inside you.

I can’t describe the experience for you – because the joy of experiencing this is yours to discover.

Just “do” the 10 steps here and see what happens for you over a bit of time…baby-step by baby-step.

Okay – so this is the “Inside Job” part…and I’ll write more next about the “outside Job” of words, body language and “What do I do now?  What do I say now?”

Love, compassion, forgiveness, attention to you!

Rori

 

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962 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 7:02 am

    Speak your expectations? hhhhmm



  2.  #2Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 7:07 am

    …and as you go through all these possible “meanings” and “perceptions” about what’s going on with him and with you and with the relationship – and all the different feelings you feel and all the different things you want to “do” – you’ll notice what’s operating here: your mind.”

    Wow



  3.  #3Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 7:20 am

    TIP #3 – DON’T BE NEEDY.

    Here’s a secret guys don’t want you to know…

    Even during the first date, he’s already thinking about whether or not you’re going to be his next girlfriend.

    Even if he doesn’t show it — he WILL entertain thoughts about what it would be like if you actually went steady!

    But here’s another secret…

    When he realizes that you’re interested in him TOO, his interest in you will actually DROP.

    Seriously! When you ask him when your next date is going to be, or when you ask for his number before he asks for yours, or if you flirt a little too openly, he’s going to back away!

    Now why does he do that?

    Simple — because he’s suddenly realized exactly what kind of girlfriend you’re going to be. He’ll think you’re the kind of woman who rushes into relationships.

    And he’ll think you’re the kind of girlfriend who needs a lot of his attention to maintain.

    Do men like needy, high-maintenance omen? Nope!

    So don’t be needy. Don’t wonder if he’s going to be your next boyfriend.

    Instead, just enjoy the date and make it fun for both of you. It’s much better if the relationship developed NATURALLY over several dates.

    TIP #4 – DON’T CHASE HIM.

    Here’s another thing about guys you’ll like to know…

    If he’s interested in you, he’s going to let you know.

    But here’s the catch — he won’t let you know right after the first date. It’s going to take at least a few more meetings over the next several weeks before he’s 100%, completely sure.

    And sadly, too many of us make the mistake of chasing him…
    Some of us, for instance, call the guy we dated a few days ago and ask, “Why haven’t you called? It’s been __ days!”

    Naturally, the guy’s going to think: “Wait a minute. We’ve just had one date, and you’re ALREADY being
    mental?”

    I’ll say it again — the best way for a relationship to grow is gradually, naturally, over several dates. So do
    yourself a favor — DON’T chase him.

    Don’t call. Don’t bribe. Don’t beg. Don’t offer free sex.

    Trust me, it’s NOT going to work!

    HERE’S HOW MEN REALLY FALL IN LOVE…

    Men won’t fall in love with you because YOU want them to.

    They won’t fall in love with you if because you TELL them to.

    And they definitely won’t fall in love with you just because you think they SHOULD!

    Here’s the secret — men will fall in love with you for two reasons, and two reasons only.

    One, because you make his life better and more enjoyable, instead of harder and more miserable.

    And two, because he feels you’re IRRESISTIBLE.



  4.  #4Ariadne on September 29, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Good Morning, Femininewoman! Always Love your posts!



  5.  #5Daria on September 29, 2011 at 7:33 am

    ohh me likey this Rori post

    i feel excited

    i Have been babystepping to this

    keep on Daria!!!

    you are awesome!



  6.  #6la chiquita bonita on September 29, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Is it safe to say that in the beginning when dating you should choose which feeling messages to express and which ones to feel but not say out loud? For example if there is a part in the first date where he says something that bothers me I would feel really weird saying so instead of just taking a mental note about it.I just feel confused when to say feeling messages at all or not to especially if its negative feelings or feelings that come from needyness, or something unattractive. Anyone have ideas?



  7.  #7MiRi on September 29, 2011 at 7:59 am

    Wow!!! This post speaks directly to me and my situation.
    I will practice it step by step for sure.

    Thank you FW for the tips!
    – Don’t be needy >> I learned from my previous relationships and I definitely improved.
    – Don’t chase him >> I got you. I stay strong. I’m not playing a game though.

    Despite being a “good” Siren, he has disappeared.
    At least, now I have an opportunity to speak my expectations and feel the experience.



  8.  #8Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 8:07 am

    Miri from a Rori email:-

    I felt completely helpless to change the outcome of anything.

    And all of this started because I BELIEVED, at the very beginning, that HE was deliberately NOT giving me what I wanted and needed.

    The moment I switched that whole thought in my
    brain, everything changed.

    And you can do it too.

    So, wherever you find yourself in this cycle of focusing on what you don’t have – SWITCH THAT THOUGHT.

    Stop thinking of him as the Fountain Of Love that you have to “go to” to get your bowl filled.

    Switch to the thought that you Don’t Want him to be your Fountain Of Love and you Don’t Want to go over to him to get your bowl filled.

    Fountains don’t water other things and people –
    fountains water THEMSELVES.

    So, instead, picture YOURSELF as YOUR OWN
    Fountain Of Love, flowing water all over yourself,
    loving yourself, caring for yourself.

    This will help you with that aching feeling of
    not getting what you want from your man.

    And – it will do something else.

    Your man will notice that you’re no longer
    looking to him for love.

    He’ll notice you being YOUR OWN Fountain Of
    Love.

    And he’ll come over to GET love from YOU.

    He’ll start hanging around to get love from
    YOUR Fountain.

    And here’s the last step in this “Thought
    Switch.”

    Switch to the thought that you DON’T WANT a man
    who JUST wants to drink out of YOUR Fountain of
    Love.

    So, to even get near you, he’ll have to turn himself into the Watering Can Of Love, and KEEP YOUR FOUNTAIN FILLED TO OVERFLOWING! You have to be very aware, all the time, of where your thoughts are about and with him, and keep switching to this Fountain and Watering Can image.

    As you start to do LESS, and he starts to do MORE, you’ll get another surprise.

    The surprise is how great you’ll feel – not just about him – but about YOURSELF.

    The Fountain image gives your self-esteem a boost.

    And as your self-esteem goes up, your confidence goes up.

    And YOUR CONFIDENCE will get his ATTENTION –
    without your having to DO anything!



  9.  #9Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 8:15 am

    From another email

    So, here are 10 steps to change your thinking and truly get his attention:

    1. If a man wants to see you, he figures a way to
    make time.

    2. If he knows you’re always sitting at home waiting for him, he loses the MOTIVATION to call you and see you because you’re “always there.”

    So don’t jump to the conclusion that he’s just “so busy.”

    And don’t jump to the conclusion that he doesn’t want you.

    It could be a combination of simply losing the motivation to work hard to get you.

    So, what’s the answer?

    The age-old solution for this kind of thing has always been “playing hard to get.”

    And playing ANYTHING never works.

    You can’t “play” hard-to-get.

    3. You have to BE hard-to-get.

    That means you get yourself a life – sports, volunteer work. Really see if you can become happier and more successful in your work, and DATE OTHER MEN.

    This is what my powerful Tool “Circular Dating” is all about.

    4. At 3 months, there’s absolutely NO reason to be exclusive – especially if a man is not doing the job he’s SUPPOSED to do.

    I know this sounds hard and confusing, because
    it’s something we women have been trained NOT to
    do, but Circular Dating makes it easy, because it’s not just about “dating.”

    5. Circular Date!

    Circular Dating is about using every single moment you spend with ANY man – even if he’s just behind the counter at a store or standing in line with you at the coffee shop, and especially if he’s sitting across from you or next to you on an actual date – to HELP you get to your Happy Ever After with your Mr. Right.

    Even if you’re WITH your Mr. Right right now, Circular Dating will help you stay sane, stay powerful, lift your “Degree of Difficulty” and compel him to sew you up into a commitment…or risk losing you.

    All without you having to even TALK about “the relationship” with him!

    6. Be curious about every man you see – young, old, handsome, not handsome, wherever you see him.

    7. Smile, but don’t paste it on.

    If you’re feeling low, feel low. And allow yourself to smile at a puppy you see, at a pretty picture on a wall that you see, at a nice man who’s looking at you.

    8. Feel what you feel – even if it’s embarrassment, awkwardness, anger or disappointment.

    Don’t pretend you don’t feel something you feel.

    9. Speak what you feel.

    This means, “I feel so weird with all this silence…” if he’s really, really quiet, instead of trying to keep up both sides of the
    conversation.
    Or “I’m just going to stand here until you tell me what to do…” if he’s indecisive.

    10. Engage

    Touch things. The table. The arms of your chair, your hair, your body, and…

    Keep eye contact.

    Even if it’s scary, hang in there and keep looking at him for 5 seconds.

    Make it a game for yourself. Say to yourself “I can feel terrified, but I’m still going to look him in the eye for 5 seconds…”



  10.  #10T-Girl on September 29, 2011 at 8:20 am

    Can anybody tell me how to access the mobile version of this site? Somehow I got out and cant get it back.



  11.  #11MiRi on September 29, 2011 at 8:27 am

    Thank you so much FW,
    my problem is all about self-esteem and confidence.
    The Fountain of Love image is what I needed to hear. I will practice it sincerely…

    I’ve always played the “hard to get” game, lying to myself because deep inside I was weak and couldn’t handle the game.
    Now I feel aware that I have to BE hard to get without even trying.

    Wow… so many things going on in my mind right now (too much thinking). Remedy : the 10-step practice. Will do it.



  12.  #12Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 8:32 am

    This is not about you pretending not to care, or deliberately not answering calls or playing the “game” of “hard-to-get.”

    It’s about you actually BEING a sought after woman, who all men find attractive and interesting – pretty much by just BELIEVING you are!

    So – your degree of difficulty is directly related to your real self-confidence, and that’s what we’re going to raise by this “No Closure” Tool.

    No Closure is about never putting a “finish” on things.

    Never asking for a “finish,” or a “wrap-up” or a “de-briefing” or even a “clear understanding.”

    It’s about letting go of conversations, letting go of phone calls, letting go of ever hearing from him again, letting go of trying to figure out what that “look in his eye” meant, or what those things he said to you “really meant” or any of that.

    And because not asking for, looking for, expecting, or getting Closure is something we are SO uncomfortable with and unused to – NO CLOSURE requires one major thing.

    It requires that you –

    3. Listen to and trust YOURSELF.

    This means – listen to and trust your FEELINGS.

    So, go ahead and imagine right now that YOU are EXPENSIVE – meaning you have High VALUE, a High Degree of Difficulty, and you’re very hard to get – NOT because you’re “difficult to be with,” but because you ALWAYS go with your FEELINGS.

    What would that look like?

    Well, let’s say it’s something simple.

    He hasn’t called in three days, the weekend is coming up, and you don’t have a date with him yet.

    You check your cell phone to make sure he didn’t leave a message, you check your email to make sure he didn’t leave a message.

    Now what?

    Well, you can imagine what’s going on in your head.

    “He’s in an accident. He forgot. He tried to call but couldn’t get through. He has family issues. Things are rough at work. He’s overwhelmed by the idea of a relationship. Something’s wrong. He’s dumping me…”

    You could probably go on for hours on just this one thing.

    So, what’s the No Closure thing to do?

    The “No Closure” thing to do is to…

    4. DO NOTHING.

    That means – not try to piece it together, or understand it, or make sense of it, or put a lid on your feelings, or send him good thoughts, or ANYTHING.

    So – how do you do that?

    Practice.

    Start by practicing No Closure in small ways in small moments.

    Let’s say he glazes over for a second while you’re talking, or he forgets about you while he’s watching the ball game on TV and drinking beer in the recliner.

    Let’s say he hasn’t told you he loves you yet, though you’ve said it to him.

    Instead of assuming that he doesn’t care, or worrying about what he’s thinking, what if you just turned your attention ELSEWHERE?

    I know that when you’re all bound up in a man, there doesn’t seem to BE an elsewhere – but there really, truly is.

    Every man out there – and there are SO MANY – is a possible “Elsewhere.”

    Think of the possibilities.

    If every man out there is looking for a woman with some “degree of difficulty,” what can you do to raise yours?

    Closure is something we want when we have NO degree of difficulty.

    When we have a High Degree of Difficulty, we believe the truth – that…

    5. We have Choices!
    If you’d like extra help with being in a place where you truly believe you have Choices, where you BELIEVE you have a High Degree of Difficulty so that you can stop even THINKING about “Closure,” my Targeting Mr. Right program will get you on track.

    Circular Dating works so profoundly because it creates a whole new way of BEING for you around men. It teaches you how to USE every single interaction you have with ANY man to ramp up your inner confidence and let that new attitude just radiate out of you.
    I know you have all the Choices in the world – right now – even if you can’t see them all just yet.

    You WILL see them, and feel them, and you’ll have all the love you want without worrying about what happens next.

    Love, Rori



  13.  #13Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 8:43 am

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/healing-heartbreak-when-he-leaves-you-for-someone-else-virginia-feingold-clark/

    Steps to Cure Your Heartbreak:
    Whatever you do, avoid the temptation to find out everything you can about her. Don’t seek out her friends and ask them questions. Don’t go to Google, facebook or twitter and search for her. It will only intensify your heartbreak.
    If you know her, stop comparing yourself to her. You know what I mean; don’t dwell on who’s prettier, thinner, younger, smarter or more successful.
    Don’t discuss her with your friends and family, in fact, don’t talk about her anytime with anyone.
    You’ve probably heard the idea that whatever you put your attention on expands. Keep that in mind as you put your thoughts back on to your life and what you want to create for yourself. The less you dwell on both of them and your heartbreak, the better of you’ll be and the more grounded you will feel.

    I know it doesn’t seem fair that someone can just “take” your man away from you, but as time passes you’ll come to realize that she wasn’t the cause of your break-up. If the two of you were meant to be together for the long run your relationship would have stuck.

    It doesn’t mean you weren’t really in love! It’s just the connection between the two of you wasn’t strong enough to bare the test of time, and actually it’s good to have found out sooner than later.

    I promise you, in time you will look back and be grateful that things turned out the way they did.

    With love, Virginia



  14.  #14MiRi on September 29, 2011 at 9:03 am

    #13 FW
    ouch I hope he hasn’t left me for someone else. Whatever it is, thank God I’m not the type of person to try to find everything about “the other woman” (should there be another one).

    self-confidence, self-esteem, the “No Closure” practice (you shared it a few days ago in a previous comment, since then, I couldn’t stop thinking about this concept and how to practice it in my situation).

    “what if you just turned your attention ELSEWHERE?” >> this is precisely the main issue I’ll have to work on.

    thank you again. I feel reassured, my situation is not desparate. I feel ready to work on it as effortlessly as possible.



  15.  #15sammie sighs on September 29, 2011 at 9:11 am

    I LOVE LOVE this…I feel this has come at the right time do nothing just be! This feels like peace flowing through me just being in the moment not knowing what will happen not worrying just flowing with it Wow Im making huge changes in my life by letting go and just being thank you Rori x



  16.  #16Senior lady Vibe on September 29, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Hello world, I’m “keeping the faith.”

    I’ll read post in a minute. I’m wondering if it’s in any way about the ever popular “yes, but” response?

    xoxo



  17.  #17sammie sighs on September 29, 2011 at 9:12 am

    And thank you FW you are so wise and calm and strong everything I am hoping to become. Your words have helped me so much these last few days.



  18.  #18Senior lady Vibe on September 29, 2011 at 9:52 am

    @762 in previous thread: Lyka says:
    “From DailyOm:
    Conscious Decisions
    Going Against What Is Popular
    Because an idea or way of doing things is popular doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone…”

    Amen.

    xoxo



  19.  #19la chiquita bonita on September 29, 2011 at 10:58 am

    i feel alittle annoying however I really want to know.. I just feel frustrated…do you always express your feelings even in the beginning stages of dating? even negative feelings? I feel worried that negative feelings will be ackward if its in the beginning of dating or even in more serious relationships especially if it makes him feel offeneded



  20.  #20Megan on September 29, 2011 at 11:07 am

    hello sirens,

    I hope there are newcomers reading this post:
    I discovered Rori and this amazing, life-changing site almost 2 yrs ago when i was in a VERY bad way.

    Long story short this site honestly changed my life and the emails that FW is reposting are ones i can recall re-reading and really sinking into, along with many others.
    Rori told me (not personally) that I had to save my own life and I up and packed my bags and gathered every ounce of faith and courage and went halfway across the world to New Zealand, which is where i did a lot of this inner work.
    I know EXACTLY what Rori means when she speaks of the joy of experiencing your new life and creating a new normal.
    There IS a point to all of the tools, posts, messages. I am a living testimony of it along with many others here I’m sure.
    Coming out on the other side and looking back on your old ways/habits and it feeling so FOREIGN feels AMAZING.

    trust me, it’s where you want to be. Rori’s words are like gold and she is always on the money.



  21.  #21English Woman on September 29, 2011 at 11:35 am

    OK Sirens, haven’t watched all of this yet, a personal coaching session with EMK on a video link with 5 women, he said to pay it forward to other single women so what better spot than our very own dear blog. 🙂

    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/live-coaching-special-video.php



  22.  #22Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 11:43 am

    Bob Grant

    …Shows Up 30 Minutes Late Without a Valid Excuse (and doesn’t call to tell you he’s going to be late)

    Your Response: “I’m sorry but I’m going to stay in for the evening. We were suppose to go out 30 minutes ago.”

    Perhaps you’re thinking, “Oh Bob, that sounds so petty and mean.” Well it might seem that way but when a man takes a woman for granted she should always create distance. Notice I mentioned that he was late and didn’t have a good reason.

    I’m not talking about his being late because of circumstances beyond his control. What I am talking about is when a man is late and acts indifferent. If you accept that kind of behavior you’re actually training him to treat you poorly in other areas of your
    relationship.



  23.  #23Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 11:51 am

    RE 19 chiquita the way I see it if I am cdating for therapy and fun I can say anything, especially when it is authentically me. A great man who is in a place where he wants a relationship with a real woman won’t be put off by me being myself, especially if I am working to be the best version of myself.



  24.  #24Lyka on September 29, 2011 at 11:55 am

    la chiquita bonita – #19:

    Personally, I think it depends on the situation and the man I’m dating, and more so if you feel a deep attraction towards that man or not.



  25.  #25Lyka on September 29, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Ooops! I meant “I feel”, obviously!



  26.  #26faith on September 29, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    RORI can i please get your advice….

    I read all your blogs and I’m sure most of the ladies here have read my story/situation.
    But I am still dwelling on my ex and can’t get over him. We broke up 5 months ago and i have NOT heard anything from him. He has not called, texted, emailed, absolutely nothing (I also have not reached out to him). I still cannot understand why…. you would think that i see the obvious.. that he has not tried to contact me in all this time so obviously he wants nothing to do with me and he has moved-on. But I cannot get that through my head. I just can’t believe he hasn’t even TRIED after all we have been through. We were together for 2 years and it was a serious relationship where i even moved in with him. So I just don’t understand how he can just move on.
    I don’t know what it is Rori but I cannot stop thinking about this man. Obviously, I have tried many things to try and keep myself occupied like gym, going out with friends, and i have even tried one or two dates….But i just cannot stop thinking about him. I truly love this person.. I believed he was the one!!
    So Rori…. i am asking you to please help me please give me some advice on what to do?? Everyone has told me (even on here) not to contact him. His birthday was just this week and i DID NOT contact him either. I felt horrible but this whole time he didn’t contact me. People also tell me that men always come back. That he will eventually call but it hasn’t happened and its be 5 MONTHS!! i am going crazy over here Rori. I want him back so badly:(

    Thank you
    faith



  27.  #27la chiquita bonita on September 29, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    Feminine woman, it feels good to read what you wrote and I feel accepting of myself when I feel like Im able to do this. Lyka, could you elaborate a little more…what would be situations of when you would openly express your negative feelings and when wouldnt you. Would feeling a deep attraction for a man be one of the times when you wouldnt or would?



  28.  #28Emoticon on September 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    I need to print this out and read it on my way home, i will comment from my phone. I am so tired. I had my ex over like a booty call last night! I am so worn out so yeah it was awesome! I dont feel guilty abt it at all so i cant even call it a guilty pleasure. JUST pleasure. I was wayyyy too sexually frustrated!



  29.  #29tinque on September 29, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    Actually Lyka #24 was a thought not a feeling. This is your opinion and thus your thoughts around this.

    You feel emotions, eg. sad, mad, glad, happy, joyful, small, confused, anxious, and so on.

    Make sense?

    xxoo



  30.  #30la chiquita bonita on September 29, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    I feel angry and sad. I guy friend who I have feelings for and he knows, just told me that he wants to go to watch a live band with me. He said that if his girlfriend says no then he will give me a call…..I am furious!!!! I feel angryyyyyyyyyyyyy, I didnt even say anything. I just couldnt believe he said that to me. I feel so angry at myself I should have said something but if I call him and tell him Im going out of my way. I should have at the moment but I think to myself he already knows this would hurt is he trying to hurt me?? I am so frustrated!!! I feel sad, angry confused



  31.  #31MiRi on September 29, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    #30 La Chiquita,
    I feel for you! I would’ve reacted the same way as you did, i.e not saying anything but feel angry at myself…

    at least, you have time to calm down. If he calls you, I hope you’ll say you won’t make it and you’re not a “hole-filler” (sorry, I don’t know how to say it in English, “bouche-trou”, the one who is called at last when nobody else is available)…
    No wonder you’re feeling sad now…



  32.  #32Susan on September 29, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Thank you for writing this, Rori. I needed it.



  33.  #33Senior lady Vibe on September 29, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    @21: English Woman says:
    “…OK Sirens, haven’t watched all of this yet, a personal coaching session …”

    Ohhhh, this is interesting. I just clicked on and it’s a larger video and longer (an hour?) in HQ and stereo. The session took place with five women at the house of a male dating coach.

    I’m watching now. These women really put themselves out there…live and in living color… the first question is:
    “How can I establish healthy sexual boundaries when I’m attracted to a man on the first three dates?”

    xoxo



  34.  #34Senior lady Vibe on September 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    @31 MiRi says:
    “…and you’re not a “hole-filler” (sorry, I don’t know how to say it in English,…”

    We might say “placeholder.” Would that suit your meaning?

    xoxo



  35.  #35Daria on September 29, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    chiquita bonita – ohh i feel taht umph to jump forward and answer this!

    yes!! this is one of the most important practices, being honest even when it feels scary (cuz our brain says it will turn him off)

    being brave with being more and more authentic feels liberating when i notice i am able to do it more than before

    its what creates the real connection!

    and, its important to be expressing a feeling about me, and not a judgement about him…

    it all winds up helping step by step to ‘get’ truly that telling the truth will bring a man close, and not push him away the way my NV’s say



  36.  #36Daria on September 29, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    i feel happy Ice Age finally loaded, and really easily, and i watched it!

    and my life feels flowy and deep and magical



  37.  #37MiRi on September 29, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    @34 SLV,
    ha yes, just checked the meaning of “placeholder”, exactly, that’s what I meant, thank you! xoxo

    La Chiquita, you don’t deserve to be a placeholder when you can be someone else’s one and only choice… 🙂



  38.  #38la chiquita bonita on September 29, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Miri, Senior lady vibe, and Daria thanks so much. I just have so much trouble expressing my anger it comes straight from pride ” Im not giving him the satisfaction of trying to shake me up” so instead I just change the subject, laugh a little, or something else. I MUST let go of this pride bs its just so harmful I learned it from a family member who taught me from youth that this is the way TO BE in all relationships and even though they meant well because thats how they deal with things its utter bull sh.. I feel soooo frustrated but relieved I need to just do it no matter what and stop guessing what he is thinking or why he says what he does and do feeling messages!



  39.  #39Daria on September 29, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Emoticon – way to go girl! wooooo!



  40.  #40Ella on September 29, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    La Chiquita Bonita,

    Personally I would express exactly how I was feeling, even the negative stuff, from the beginning.

    With all men.

    This is how we become authentic.
    Tricky to do sometimes though…

    xoxox



  41.  #41Ella on September 29, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Feeling ok…

    🙂



  42.  #42luzydel on September 29, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    I was thinking today what would be a good exercise to stop feeling like I ave to do something…this is great!

    Mr. NiceCD is wonderful and even though it is a bit early to know, he is stepping up. I have D back wandering around….trying to see if I settle for what he is offering and all I say is that I want a committed relationship…He will not step up, so I don’t even bother, I just practice being open.

    I was getting out of the office today and two guys started flirting with me, that was nice; I smiled and headed to my car…I guess I am still CDing…with a hint of “exclusivity” towards Mr. Nice CD, just because I feel safe with him so far… 🙂



  43.  #43Sapphire-n-Jewels on September 29, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    #26 faith
    Sorry tough love coming
    Get back on your horse and move forward.
    A couple of dates !!!!! The only way you are going to get this man out of you head is by replacing him with another. CD get out and get busy. Learn what you can about YOU from your relationship with him.
    Men can feel your enegy from a distance. He will know that you still have feelings for him. The relationship ended for a reason and yes he may not come back. At the moment you are going through the Rori process but your motivation is to win him back But the tools are to help YOU by loving yourself, picking yourself up and getting out there Mr Right will find you.
    Love Sapphire x



  44.  #44Daria on September 29, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    woo thanks Daria for working out!



  45.  #45Tzenny on September 29, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Hi Sirens:
    Just realized there was a new blog page. I’m reprinting here.

    I was feeling a little weak and started reading the posts from this week. I listened to the siren video and I’m feeling a little better. I am out of a relationship that I thought I was getting back into, but this man keeps disappearing. Long story short, I really really like him, but have decided to start CDing because it seems he is stringing me along. I’ve invested so much into getting back with him, and it feels weird just turning and walking away, but I will. He has not returned my phone call or emails lately, I could guess why, but I’m not going to. Stepping away, leaning back and CDing, do I not contact him at all, like not even to say happy birthday or anything like that? I limited him on my facebook so he doesnt see all of my posts and was not sure if that fell in line with letting him come to me. I feel so confused and hurt. Am I doing this right? Thanks for any insight.



  46.  #46Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Tzenny after doing that how do you feel on the inside?



  47.  #47Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Luzydel I would not repeat to D that I want a committed relationship, he might experience it as nagging or a demand. I would find a way to tell him that I am done with casual dating or imaginary relationships and right now I am dating until the man I want steps up.



  48.  #48Daria on September 29, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    I’m feeling sad!

    Hawkman called me, and he was just chattering about his day and i usualy feel disconnected when he does that – he always has but i was just practicing actually listening – and now maybe its built up, i jut feel judgemental

    like i feel more paid attention to talking to my other Cd’s

    and he was even considering getting a tattoo with my name

    btu truthfully i just feel so disconnected and lonely!

    and im making up sad scenarios of this bieng a marriage for me and just feeling lonely and i dont even know why

    🙁

    and hes like i want you to come spend the night at my aunties

    and im thinking i want to be romanced and taken on dates

    which is fine with his aunties but i dont want to without the romance

    im feeling lonely and sad and i don’t know how to express this

    like whats the context or am i making it up?

    is me NOT expressing this – like my worries that he wont step up – what’s keeping me feeling disconnected?

    🙁

    and i feel judgemntal towards him cuz he has called me so much less than i expected while im here… like we probably havent even gotten in an hour of talk time total

    while with my new video CD’s and hpone Cd’s i talk for over an hour AT A TIME

    so im just feeling sad right now and i

    im doing the 10 step process



  49.  #49Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    RE 48 I should have said until I get what I want in a relationship, forget the man.



  50.  #50Daria on September 29, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    Tzenny – it sounds like you are doing well. I would also limit him so that YOU don’t see HIS updates, or else you will feel triggered too much

    him seeing your posts is less important



  51.  #51Daria on September 29, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    also “what can i do to make you love me?

    what can i do to make you stay

    ….

    sorry seems to be the hardest word”

    is running through my head



  52.  #52Daria on September 29, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    omg he just called back and i talked to him!

    i fele so relieved!!!

    woo i feel much more connected now

    i said… baby i feel lonely!!!

    he said its cuz im not there iwth you

    i said … papi im feeling worried, that when ic ome back were not even gonna see each other

    and he says why

    i said cuz i don’t want casual hangout stuff anymore

    i want romance and dates and stuff

    and i dont know if u think u want that too…

    he said we’re gonna do whatever you want!

    omg that felt so good

    and i said, yeah and im feeling worried that i dono

    cuz you don’t have a car

    he said im working on it… thats what im owrking on right now
    i said yeah
    i don’t want to meet men

    iw ant to be picked up

    or …

    he said

    yeah you wan em to come where you at

    hehe aww i feel so good!

    but then he started toalking to his lil brother who was doing some noisy stuff

    and i was like i dont want to be on ther phone u tlaking to toher people – he knows this heheh too

    ok well eventually he said he’ll call me back and i said thank u

    oh im feleing mucho mucho better

    whew!!!!



  53.  #53Daria on September 29, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Go Daria! Go Daria!

    Thank you Daria for expressing yourself truthfully!

    Thank you thank you thank you!

    you are so awesome!



  54.  #54Tzenny on September 29, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Reply to #47

    I feel like a little flame came on inside of me, small glimmer of light around all of the darkness filling me up. But it’s such a small flame, I know it will burn brighter in time, but right now it seems insufficient.



  55.  #55Daria on September 29, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    i want great sex

    i really want great sex

    that is super important to me

    i want to be having super fulfilling satisfying healthy feeling sex in my relationship

    thank you Goddess!



  56.  #56Tzenny on September 29, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Reply # 51

    Daria, it’s worse than that, girl, I keep going on his page. I try to make myself stop. this is sooooooo crazy. I not being myself. He rarely ever posts, he just reads. I had changed my status to single the other day and just noticed he did the same right after I did. He never posted a status before. I know, I have to stop looking at his page…



  57.  #57Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Tzenny I would say figure out what would light you up and start doing those things to feed that blame. I could become a burning inferno of love for yourself and your life.



  58.  #58Daria on September 29, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    okay i expect that if i tell him when he’s talking about his day all of a sudden”i feel bored, i don’t feel good when the focus is not on me”

    he will judge me – i will feel judged

    he will not feel safe from me – hide stuff from me

    think ima cold self centered jerk

    actually writing that down i don’t really expect that so much anymore….

    that feels like my soul pouring out up from my heart through my mouth

    like a cool water fear

    i love all of me

    sigh

    mmm

    this is cool stuff!

    this is like that Effortless tool ive been doing

    i CAN do something

    but i dont have to do anything

    this is effortless

    like getting sucked out



  59.  #59Daria on September 29, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    haha Evan and Rori clash again!!!

    team Rori!!

    he says he wants you forever pretty much right away!

    hehehehe



  60.  #60Tzenny on September 29, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Reply #59

    Femininewoman, I really like that!!! It went to a great play all by myself yesterday, like taking myself out on a date, that was cool. I get what you mean. I’m going to meditate on that and create a list of things to do feed the flame. Thank you.



  61.  #61Daria on September 29, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    Tzenny – well one siren recently blocked a man so that she couldn’t see his profile

    you can do it!! here’s a tool i was just describing that works well

    everytime you feel the compulsion to go to his page… STOP!

    feel your feelings

    feel how you want to reach forward, that ‘urgency’ inside yourself

    say – out loud if possible – yes, i CAN DO something

    then lean back a lil bit, like rock back on your heals, or tilt backwards

    and say – But i don’t HAVE to do anything

    rock softly back and forth,

    say – THIS is effortless

    then, if you have somethign else fun you can do quickly, go do that!

    like come to the blog!

    play a quick videogame,

    do your nails!

    something from your list of fun easy stuff to do right away



  62.  #62Tzenny on September 29, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    Reply #63

    Thank you Daria. I’m going to try that. This site helps a lot. I would have text him by now. I’m not going to. 🙂



  63.  #63VW on September 29, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Wow…Rori, what a coincidence…the other day I was doing just that…observing my thoughts, and following my feelings on paper…different exercises 5 to 10 minutes each…throughout the day…

    it felt awesome…wow…my mind is an workaholic indeed 🙁

    sigh…

    thank you for putting it all soo beautifully in an wonderful tool again 🙂

    warm hugs,



  64.  #64luzydel on September 29, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    D wants to see me…I don’t feel excited about it, but rather confused… I can meet for coffee somewhere and talk, but what about Mr. NiceCD? what if he finds out I went on a date with someone I dated before him? I feel guilty…

    What should I do?



  65.  #65Emoticon on September 29, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Thank you Daria 🙂 Siren by day, Rockstar by night



  66.  #66Emoticon on September 29, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Goddess at all times 🙂



  67.  #67VW on September 29, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Follow up on #65:

    Here is an exercise i did yesterday…that i feel open to share…it was indeed a good one…i believe it went on for about half hour…with short pauses for breathing and practicing quietness of the mind…

    “Exercise:

    I need $xxx to get my couching certification…I feel scared…I feel soo angry and sad when the banks call me…I feel confused, scared…and worried…sigh…I feel melty in my chair…my right arm feels uncomfortable …feels like pain…it reminds of carpel tunnel…sigh…

    I don’t feel like working…I feel bored of what I do…I feel sadness not connecting with people in the office the way I want to…I feel bad hearing gossip and negative thoughts of others…:( wow…I want to feel recognized and appreciated…oh no…I lack that for myself…I don’t give myself recognition and appreciation…wow…I feel tearful…and that feels like chin in, shoulders down…pain in my heart ..expanding pressure….breathing…3 times…I love my starbucks coffee..it feels sooo yummy and tasty…I feel so comforted in my tummy…

    quiet…? Wow…I noticed my mind was quiet for a moment…hmm…I want to share with the blog…I imagine the ladies liking my honesty…sigh….tears…why do I feel accepted online more than in real life? What am I doing wrong? I feel like crying…feeling pressure around my temples and forehead…tears coming out…touching my face…

    I remember about the pain around my ears…hmm…I intend to wear the nite guard…I might be grounding my teeth at nite due to stressful thoughts…oh ya, dreams have been very intense…the other day I woke up and recalled crying…don’t remember details just people…my uncle, mom…sigh…I miss him…what a wonderful man in my childhood life; my life with them during summer breaks was a little short heaven in midst of chaos…

    I wonder how my life would have been had my mother allowed them to adopt me and leave with them all the time…hmm…I would certainly never accepted anything in my life that wasn’t good healthy love for myself…I might not have left the country…I might have been very successful there …I am my father’s daughter…he was very entrepreneurial and positive, unfortunately a womanizer 🙁 wasting all his good fortunes :(…

    wow…I can’t wait to get back my father’s name…I feel soo happy now to be E X…gosh, all till now I rejected that identity…:( Memories of awful bulling and cruel teasing in school and off school…cruel educators…I was never called by my first name, E…only X which denoted a certain body part to make fun of :(…I was a child…full of talents…yet, something about me…arghhhh…they said and do the things to crush it…including at home…my mom and step dad…

    Sigh

    I feel smiley…I recall James saying this morning “Mom, don’t worry, I am very self-confident…what others say ab me in school, doesn’t affect me”…what an awesome conversation we had last nite…I finally had a breakthrough with him…it felt soo good…to notice a light bulb expression on his face when I explained to him the concept of being triggered…and why…

    It felt good I was able to practice with him tools of connecting with himself during the short break he has…reconnect to his own self-energy…I assured him that practicing being, connecting to his center, his colleagues will seek him…he will never have to ask anyone, anything… He will be the magnet! We also practiced proper responses that would stop the bullies in their tracks…wow…I feel so proud of myself…

    My passions about better communication, healing the world, connecting people, speak from the heart and connect from the heart…it not only heals/protects/better my relationship with my son…and it would also become a wonderful living experience to share with others…there is no better way to attract abundance in your life than from living your passions…I feel hopeful this moment…”



  68.  #68Mel on September 29, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    Tzenny,

    On FB, you can hide that guy’s profile stuff from showing up on your newsfeed. if something’s showing up there now… like a recent wall post he made or a photo, if you hover on it, an arrow will appear on the right side. One of the options will be to hide from newsfeed.

    I was feeling hurt when I would see crap my ex was posting, but I didn’t feel ready to just unfriend him. This way I didn’t have to see any status updates or be reminded of him when I logged on. Out of sight, out of mind.

    I’m actually really proud of myself, because I haven’t actively chosen to view his profile now for a whole month. I just don’t have any interest in seeing what he’s been up to.



  69.  #69Mel on September 29, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Back from my date with Sexy Sarcastic. Another really nice time. We’ve been doing a different museum every Thursday. He knows I’m new to the city so he’s doing all the touristy stuff with me.

    Again, he was super affectionate, held my hand, arm around me, a little smooching (in the museum even! LOL) Then a short walk, with a stop at a vantage point to see the pretty city lights. More kissing and I buried my head into his chest when he hugged me. So nice!

    We had a really nice kiss again before I got into my car. He seemed to have a dreamy smile on his face when we parted. He wished me a good weekend, and I smiled and told him how excited I was to go out of town to visit my friends in another city… how my (guy) buddy had planned a big dinner party in my honor and how special that made me feel. He asked me if maybe he could see me on Sunday when I got back. I told him I’d let him know if I had time.

    I feel happy and content, but after reading some more of Rori’s stuff, this time, I’m just going to but him out of my thoughts because he’s not currently in front of me. I have a date with the architect tomorrow and then I’m headed out of town for a weekend of fun. Something Rori said really resonated with me today:

    “He’ll suddenly want you MORE, but he won’t understand why he feels that way. He’ll realize there’s a good chance you’ll leave him, and that he has to STEP UP or risk losing you forever.

    And, if you do Circular Dating right, he’ll feel PULLED TOWARD YOU by your warmth, openness and inner STRENGTH.

    There is absolutely NOTHING more attractive to a man than a woman who really, truly, is focused on her own needs and getting them met by a man.

    There is absolutely NOTHING more attractive to a man than a woman who would never bother with ANY man who wasn’t meeting her basic, core needs – no matter how much she loved him!

    In other words, a woman who does not let her love for a man come before her love for herself will have the BIGGEST IMPACT on ANY man.

    You will no longer be ANGRY at a man who’s not committing to you or not being affectionate and attentive. You will simply be “turned off” because he’s behaving that way.

    He’ll start to feel you drifting away as you let OTHER men give you more attention and affection than he does.

    And as he feels that, he’ll “snap to.”

    He’ll start following you around. He’ll ask you where you’re going and why you’re not free to see him.”

    Love it! 🙂



  70.  #70Sweetpea on September 29, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    This is my personal trigger, no offensde intended FW, but I am HIGHLY triggered by EMK and this,”if a guy brings marriage up , even before a year, it’s just his hormones talking” bs.

    I feel really angry, almost to the point of furious with him. I’m trying to work around my feelings on this and the more I do, the more angry I feel.

    I’m realizing that part of it is because my mom and dad were married within four months of meeting each other and stayed married for 23 years – until she passed. So I’m taking it somewhat personally, but also, I think it’s a total cop-out. Like because it took him that long to propose to his wife, then any guy who does it differently is wrong.

    Also, I was searching for Rori’s blog, b/c my phone was jacked up and I was on an unfamiliar computer and came across his article about where CDing falls short. And while I have some questions about continuing to date after a man asks for exclusivity, it felt bad, bad, BAD to me to read the article and the comments. Rori was on there and she was totally classy, warm and loving (as always – you’re the best Rori), it all felt to me like a publicity stunt. It felt – icky to me.

    I’m not trying to deter anyone from listening to or reading EMK, but I felt outraged. I know that this is a trigger for me and something I need healing around, I’m just not sure how to heal it. I would be furious if someone I respected and considered a friend threw me to the lions, which is how I felt while reading that article. It felt like political oponents trying to win campaigns by slingin gmud at their adversary. It was a complete turn-off.

    I understand from reading the article that there was quite a controversy with him on the blog and I feel happy to have missed that. The way he handled it still leaves me eeling cold, though. I feel thankful to Rori for not making people she may disagree with “wrong.”

    Am I being “blamey” here? I’m so furious that icant even process clearly right now. I actually riffed on this last night and all these feelings just bounced around all over in my body. I finally felt tired and fell asleep, thankfully. What is here that needs healed in me I wonder?



  71.  #71Sweetpea on September 29, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Mel, @ 71,

    Awesome!! It feels great reading that and I feel so happy for you!



  72.  #72Mel on September 29, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    I will be warm and open and appreciative of all the yummy attention he gives me when I’m right there with him… but then I will take my sireny goddess self out and dance, see other men and let THEM give my sireny-self attention too, spend time with my amazing friends (many of which are guys), and just live a happy life. Sexy Sarcastic will be the chaser, not me. I will fit him into MY schedule.



  73.  #73Mel on September 29, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    I think I had a bit of healing today… and I thought I’d share.

    So… I’ve always been completely anti-smoking. It had to do with the fact that my parents both smoked (a lot) while I was growing up, and I hated it. I think I may be allergic and it just always made me feel miserable. So I’ve always had this fear that my partner would start smoking. I even had nightmares about it when i was married. On my Match profile, I even put “NO way!” in the section where it asks if I would date a guy who smokes.

    So today, Sexy Sarcastic tells me that he had a cigarette today with a friend. Apparently he’s one of those people that will smoke very rarely. He was saying how he forgot how gross it is. And the truly weird thing is that I actually DIDN’T CARE! I actually surprised myself. I just said “Ok.” and laughed. Wow, crazy!



  74.  #74Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    Luzydel feel guilty for what? Sometimes some of us need a do over to prove to ourselves that is not the man for us. He might just be there to show you what you don’t want in a relationship and to help Mr. Right to work hard enough to win you.



  75.  #75Mel on September 29, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Thanks Sweetpea!

    BTW, I love your name! It’s my affectionate name for the people I love most in my life!



  76.  #76Sweetpea on September 29, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    One of my favorite sayings: “A man all wrapped up in himself, makes a very small package.” -Confucious

    I feel anger toward EMK because he seems close-minded, yet I’m feeling close-minded toward him. I just don’t believe and I don’t want to accept that men just dawdle around, do what they want and aww hell! I just don’t buy it. If a guy takes two years to figure out he wants me forever, he’s probably going to lose me – Lose me to the crazy, hormonal guy who knows what he wants and goes after it. EMK’s argument is that infatuation lasts 18 – 24 months so any responsible man will wait until the infatuation settles before he proposes. And I want a responsible man – but I don’t want to wait 2 years for him to scoop me up. Nope.

    Anything sooner than that is a gamble? Duh! Marriage is a gamble. Life is a gamble. Waiting 6 years to get married? Still a gamble. There are no guarantees in life. There’s no guarantee I won’t get hit by a freakin bus tomorrow. I like a man who’s a risk-taker. Just not too big a risk-taker.

    Maybe it’s just that I feel weary of taking my time in relatonships just to have them fall apart anyway. It took over 2 years for my ex-fiance to propose and I didn’t even want to accept then. I did, but we never got married (is that “but resistance?) – and I’m glad we didn’t. I feel huge resistance to it taking a man so long to know I’m the one for him. HUGE resistance. And even bigger resistance to thinking he’d only want to marry because he’s infatuated. Of course he’s infatuated.



  77.  #77Kayla on September 29, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    I feel soo amazed by how all of this actually works, becuase it really does! Everytime I am feeling upset about something and I sink into my feelings, I eventually end up feeling soo much better.. Sometimes I don’t sink into my feelings but no matter what I always tell myself things like I am feeling vulnerable, I feel like I will accept anything, even if it is bad. I will be able to handle it in my own way and I will be okay. This usually makes me feel soo much better(:

    Soo a couple things that I want to talk about.. I’m not sure if you sirens remember “pickup guy” but he is one of the men that I was currently CDing before my boyfriend and I got together. I feel like I spent a lot of time with him, and I do still think about him from time to time. . . Well we are currently in school together and I catch him looking at me from time to time. Everytime I feel him watching me and I look over to see if he is, he looks away really fast.. He hasn’t tried talking to me or getting ahold of me or anything, but I do feel like he still has some feelings for me. What do you think?

    Another thing I wanted to talk about is, well I have noticed that ever since I started using Rori Rayes tools and not leaning in and contacting a man first.. I don’t really get as much male attention as I used to, and to be honest I feel a little bit lonely because of this.. I mean I used to get TONS of attention.. My only problem was that I couldn’t get men to stick around for very long at all.. Now I just don’t really know how to get men to talk to me and get ahold of me first. I feel like I have lost so many of my male friends because I feel scared that it is leaning forward.. Any advice?



  78.  #78Kayla on September 29, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    Oh yes! And there was another thing that I forgot to mention and I just now remembered. .

    Rori says that in order to atract a man you shouldn’t DO anything, you should simply just BE right?? And that is exactly what I do, I never initiate plans, I never call first, I never chase him when he is mad, I just simply be there and open my heart to him.. There has been a couple of times where I slip up and argue with him and then I don’t do anything, and at times this makes me feel guilty and selfish but I forgive myself and eventually he gets over it too.. Which I love about our relationship.. I feel like we have pretty good communication and I feel like it will only get better. But anyways.. He gets mad at me for just simply BEING.. He says that he feels like I don’t care about how he feels… I always tell him that I do care but I will never revolve my world around a man, and I feel better when he calls and makes plans first… And then when we aren’t arguing he doesn’t bring this up. But then whenever there is tension between us I feel like he always says that I don’t care about him or how he feels.



  79.  #79Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Kayla they could be waiting you out to see if you will go back to your old patterns that they are used to. Or they might be thinking you are playing hard to get. Whatever it is no need to worry your pretty little head about. What I have found is that the ones I used to call when I am physically in the same vicinity they come up close and try to touch me. Or stay at a distance and stare. Those that seem to want a relationshp kind of trip over themeselves to impress me. I assume the others know they can’t give me what I want. There are some others, especially at work, who have totally opened up and share emotional connection every day. Not all are romantic possibilities but they are teaching me that I have the power to bring them close and to feel connected. One told me just yesterday that he likes the equation between us because he knows that I can totally feel him and know what he is thinking. I asked him two questions and he started talking on and on. I sat there for the most part silently listening to him. I was surprised but it encouraged me to really try listening at level 2.



  80.  #80Kayla on September 29, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    Thank you FW



  81.  #81Starla on September 29, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    Oh lord, CD1 picked me up from dance class…I asked him for the ride cuz I didn’t want to walk. Then when he picked me up he said he would always be there at that time to pick me up. Yes! Thank you!

    But then he had to leave to prepare for tomorrow’s work and I have to study and get to bed for work. And it was so hard to say goodbye.

    And now I just feel f*cking sad as sh*t. Soo sad. I don’t ever want him to leave. I want him around always.

    I guess this is the part where I go and take care of myself. I feel like calling him, texting him, posting something relevant to me and him on my facebook, emailing him…BLAH. i miss him:(

    i hate this:( because i feel needy and vulnerable

    and to be honest, i’m not sure i’ve ever felt quite like THIS before. and i feel overwhelmed and sad. him leaving for just the night until we see each other next (which will at latest be Tuesday because we have a date) is like a glimpse into the feeling of ‘what if he leaves forever’ and I’m really, really starting to get attached.

    Even though i’m seeing other men. even though i have a full and fabulous life. even though there are things about him i want to know more about before getting exclusive.

    ah sh*t f*ck crap. i’m falling in love.

    okay i am going to go take care of myself!! maybe i’ll start with putting on some lotion.



  82.  #82Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    Kayla he might be one of those people who need words of affirmation to really feel loved. I would try just dropping the arguing when it starts even if you have to put your hand to your mouth. Look closely at him to see an change in his facial expression or bodily movement and mention that you notice it and was wondering what he was thinking or feeling if he wishes to share. I know it is not necessarily what Rori teaches but is something I learned in an emotional intellingence class and have used it successfully with some guys. He might be one of those it might work with when he is in his feminine energy. However, you will need to pay attention to how you feel when doing this and imho share that with him.



  83.  #83Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Starla I think the key is when he gets to that feeling place.



  84.  #84Starla on September 29, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    It would feel better to focus on how great it feels in the moment to be with a man than to focus on how much it sucks that those great feelings are coming to an end once he walks out the door.

    BLAH.

    i’m a spoiled brat!



  85.  #85Femininewoman on September 29, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    I have my imagination that I can use to visualize the relationship I want with those awesome feelings Starla.



  86.  #86Kayla on September 29, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    I have told him that he means a lot to me and that I care about him and that he makes me feel happy and that I love him. I feel that he is starting to realize that I actually do care about him.

    And I noticed something the other day and I’m not quite sure what it means… But a while back (Before I found Rori Rayes tools) I was in a relationship with a man.. I only had a little bit of feelings for him, but for the most part I was with him because I wanted to make another man that I was in still in love with and who broke my heart jealous… And remember I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone so there was no way he couldn’t have found out that we were together… Well one night I leaned forward while I was still in a relationship with this man and texted that man I was still in love with and asked him if he wanted to come over and watch a movie with me… Oh yeah he had a girlfriend too but he still agreed to come over.. I kept telling myself that I wouldn’t do anything with him but then I realized why else would I invite him over? He tried to have sex with me and I told him no and that I had a boyfriend.. He told me that he just wanted one more kiss from me and that he loves me so much… Soo I caved in. I felt soo stupid for this.. Well the day after the man that I was in a relationship with found out about it and confronted me… I wasn’t going to lie to him so I just flat out told him that I cheated on him… Well after that we broke up and he deleted me off of his facebook.. Well a few months later I saw him at a party, he wasn’t acting rude or anything but he just wasn’t talking to me… Stupid me I leaned forward and started talking to him.. I asked him if he was still mad at me and all he could say was it’s whatever, it’s done and over with. He wasn’t acting rude but I could tell that he was “trying” to act like he didn’t care.. Soo a couple weeks later I requested him on fb again, he accepted it.. But now I know not to lean forward so I haven’t tried contacting him at all… I see him around all the time and he never talks to me… But a couple days ago I realized that he deleted me from his fb again.. I don’t know why, I haven’t done anything and I’m not sure if it’s because he is still feeling upset about what happened.. I feel like he also still has feelings for me but I’m not sure.. What do you think?? I know I’m writing a lot tonight lol but there is a lot I need advice on and I wanted to share. Soo thanks everyone who is willing to give me advice. I feel very appreciative.



  87.  #87Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    ok i have put lotion on, made myself food, taken out the trash, picked up the house a bit, drank a bunch of water

    ahhhhhh

    i feel like i’m gonna have a panic attack over my feelings for this guy!

    i guess that’s what this post is about! and i’m just not gettin it!



  88.  #88Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Kayla, hi! What is it exactly that you’re wanting to get our thoughts on about your ex who deleted you?



  89.  #89Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    BTW Kayla I could be wrong, but it looks like you’re suffering from a bit of the man-crack-itis with this one.

    I would drop it with this ruminating. We could guess what it means that he unfriended you and what leaning forward contributed or did’t contribute to the outcome, etc. But the whole theme of this post is to drop it. Bam! No closure. Just all the wonderful options out there for us.



  90.  #90Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    And I am suffering from MY INSIDES FEEL LIKE THEY’RE ON FIRE. I want to cry from my pores. My teeth are breathing venom. I feel. so. weird and panicked.



  91.  #91Mel on September 29, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Starla,

    I know exactly how you’re feeling! It feels so f*cking good to be around my fave CD. I feel like a total man-crack junkie. When he touches me I get shivers and he’s so gentle and affectionate and soooo very funny and I just want to be with him. Yeah… maybe we’re just SPOILED! lol

    Going out with others helps… but I still am happy when I get my “fix.”

    OMG… today at the museum, the sexual tension between us was so strong it was crazy! I mean, we were at the freaking military museum looking at tanks and couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Walking through a “trench” and making out… how inappropriate! heehee 😉 I feel very amused typing that! Date 6: Inappropriate kissing. I AM a siren!



  92.  #92Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    y’know, the thought has crossed my mind more than once that i’m just rly rly sexually frustrated cuz we’re not sleeping together. sometimes two people just need to f*ck.

    so i think i’m gonna go out and buy a d*ldo for the first time in my life this weekend. I’ve never bought any sex toys before. but seriously i have to do SOMETHING to take care of this insanity brewing inside of me



  93.  #93Mel on September 29, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    Well… no one was around, so it wasn’t THAT inappropriate! LOL



  94.  #94Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    I feel so freaking proud of myself for not calling/texting/doing anything toward him after he left, despite the insane urgency i felt inside of me.

    if i can get through that, i can handle this all the time. everything is going to be okay.



  95.  #95Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    Mel, I love it! Me and CD1 kiss inappropriately all the time. We’d probably make out at my grandma’s funeral. 😛
    Poor grandma (who is alive and well yayyy)



  96.  #96English Woman on September 29, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    Still catching up on the last blog 🙂 but watched this by chance this morning, what a Siren this lady is, lives life to the full, sings at clubs, dresses how she pleases, makes her own eyelashes (!!!) and is so full of life and vitality and is 90 years young!! All this talk of eyelashes on here lately, wait until you see this lady!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=RlqBRHBJZCo



  97.  #97Mel on September 29, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    94: Starla,

    Maybe you’re on to something there! Sometimes a lady just needs a f*uck! LOL

    I have honestly never been in a public place before and felt the urge to say… “let’s get outta here NOW!” Totally wanted to though! I wonder if he could feel it too. It was totally an energy thing. We were like magnets.



  98.  #98Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    Mel, I feel soooo happy that you’re experiencing that. You deserve it!!



  99.  #99Mel on September 29, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    He’s a gentleman though, and isn’t pressuring me at all. Which is good because I only feel half ready. Almost there though. How will I know when I’m ready? It’s crazy ladies… I haven’t had sex with anyone but one guy (ex husband) for 10 years! And for the last 2 years, not even very much at that. I soooo want a good lover, but I’m also afraid!



  100.  #100Mel on September 29, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    97: LMAO! Where have you guys smooched inappropriately?

    He even said “Hmmm… smoochin’ at the war museum… nothing wrong with that!” after we had some tongue action in the trenches. I swear we just couldn’t stop ourselves! Good thing it’s not a real popular museum on Thursday nights!



  101.  #101Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    In the grocery store, in line at starbucks, at red lights that have long since turned green, at a burger restaurant after proudly showing the food in our mouths to each other (don’t worry, we kept our mouths closed! i love the looks on people’s faces when we opened our mouths wide full of food, and even more when we kissed right after), in a used book store next to a bunch of bibles hahaha, standing in the middle of the road…we just can’t stop kissing.



  102.  #102Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    in the children’s section of the bookstore;)



  103.  #103Emoticon on September 29, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    STARLA I feel so warm and affectionate just reading about your kissing spree



  104.  #104Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    okay, i hereby solemnly swear not to lean forward in any capacity until I see him next. No calling, no texting, no asking for favors when he hasn’t already expressed that he wants to see me (he has a car and i don’t so i ask for ride favors of my guys sometimes, but generally only when i really miss them and want an excuse to see them), no posting on his facebook, no liking anything on his facebook, no posting anything on my own facebook to get his attention, NO LEANING FORWARD.

    then i will feel back in balance.

    i’m giving this over to the universe now. goodnight <3



  105.  #105Mel on September 29, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    Starla,

    SO fun!

    And to think that I used to say “ugh!” in half-disgust seeing people like us smooching in public!

    Heehee, I was probably just jealous that my husband was never acted terribly sexually attracted to me!

    So far, for us, there hasn’t been a lot of feeling up in public. But I swear tonight it was close! I felt like finding a broom closet… so… 😉



  106.  #106Mel on September 29, 2011 at 9:50 pm

    106:

    Okay Starla… let’s make a pact. I won’t do it either. Maybe we can help each other out here!



  107.  #107Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    oh can i add, and i feel stupid for this, but can i add that i will no longer be waking up in the morning and reaching for my email/facebook to see if he’s interacting with me or emailing me…sometimes when he hasn’t yet, ill go back to sleep and feel depressed. but he always ends up emailing me…i just don’t want to start my day until he has.

    eesh i feel so ashamed admitting that

    i feel like a big loser.

    i need a lot of love!

    but this thing i do in the mornings is hurting me and my vibe.



  108.  #108Mel on September 29, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Starla,

    I’ve done the very same thing! We are not losers!



  109.  #109Starla on September 29, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Mel, I would love that! You’re doing so great that I won’t want to screw up out of support for you not screwing up either! not that ‘screwing up’ is even an option, but you know what i mean.



  110.  #110Starla on September 29, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    thanks mel i feel mega supported. ok gnight for real:)



  111.  #111Mel on September 29, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    Then it’s a deal! 😉

    Now… this sexually frustrated siren needs some sleep!



  112.  #112English Woman on September 29, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    #9 Feminine Woman

    “Circular Dating is about using every single moment you spend with ANY man – even if he’s just behind the counter at a store or standing in line with you at the coffee shop, and especially if he’s sitting across from you or next to you on an actual date – to HELP you get to your Happy Ever After with your Mr. Right.”

    Wow when I read that bit “especially if he’s sitting across from you or next to you on an ACTUAL date” made my jaw drop…….I have never, ever done anything like that in my life, big changes coming up if I even make it to a cup of coffee. 😀



  113.  #113English Woman on September 29, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    Re the 5 second glance, well I made it yesterday to 3 maybe even 4 seconds!! HUGE advance for me lol.

    I was walking across the driveway at work and this man was pulling out, he looked at me, I looked at him and smiled and held his gaze until he drove off! It was sooo easy so I will be looking for these driving away opportunites in future.

    It felt less confronting because I knew he couldn’t actually speak to me LOL!! Well he could have stopped his car and jumped out but he didn’t, I choose to tell myself the story that it was because he is happily married, but still appreciates a lovely Siren. 😉



  114.  #114alias girl on September 29, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    #98 English Woman I LOVE IT!!!! Thank You!!!! xoxox!!



  115.  #115alias girl on September 29, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    uh oh. i specifically went looking to stir things up on pof and well

    i have.

    lol.



  116.  #116MiRi on September 30, 2011 at 12:48 am

    I really enjoy reading all your CD-ing stories. Sounds like mine aren’t that exciting!

    I have a question which I know has been discussed in most of the posts on this blog, and I’ve read about it on previous comments on this thread.
    But I feel my heart is not opened enough to accept the answer because I always try to analyze facts with my mind.
    So, here it is : does a man feel my emotions even if we haven’t talked and seen each other for weeks? how does the “vibe” is working?
    Rori said : “your Confidence will get his attention”. But how can he know that I have a higher confidence and a higher self-esteem if he hasn’t tried to contact me for weeks ? How can he feel that?
    I’m fully aware that I should build up my confidence for ME and not because I want him back, but still…it’s hard for me to imagine him feeling me from far away…

    thank you in advance.



  117.  #117Ella on September 30, 2011 at 2:06 am

    Starla – Remember to breath! 🙂

    Luzydel – Aww, I feel warm that you feel guilty! And I honestly think no need… CD-ing means you can have coffee with whomever you like until you get offered the commitment you want from a man you want.

    Be craeful though… it sounds like you are considering exclusivity with NiceCD, and for me I would want to be sure it wasn’t just a for now kind of thing on offer…

    Sweetpea – I totally get triggered by EMK, including the artivle FW posted above. I actually ENJOY when men say stuff like this to me these days, although I try to take it with a pinch of salt until they back it up with action.

    I do think sometimes people can jump into relationships and marraige quickly for other reasons, and we have to watch for that, however I also fully believe men can ‘fall’ for us quickly too.

    Hugs.

    xoxox



  118.  #118Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 2:18 am

    Kayla I believe he os dealong with his stuff but your actions could hurt deeply to the point of damaging his masculinity. I would try to forget about him though.



  119.  #119Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 2:22 am

    Ella I believe each person is different so each relationship system is different. Each person need something different to feel ready and safe to go there. I have experienced both scenarios so I can appreciate both opinions. A one size fit all type of scenario is not what my real world experience has been



  120.  #120sammie sighs on September 30, 2011 at 2:43 am

    Love all your Siren advice! it feels nice to just lean back and be! I feel calm and happy and I am looking forward to a girly weekend away!! x



  121.  #121Mel on September 30, 2011 at 3:09 am

    Good morning my fellow Canuck sirens! I’m headed out your way this weekend… so excited!



  122.  #122Mel on September 30, 2011 at 3:10 am

    115: Yay English Woman!

    I bet he drove into the curb after you walked away!



  123.  #123Ariadne on September 30, 2011 at 3:18 am

    English Woman!!!! Thank you so much for introducing me to SIREN…. MS ILONA SMITHKIN!!!!!! I LOVE HER!! XO A



  124.  #124marina on September 30, 2011 at 3:30 am

    hello dear Sirens



  125.  #125marina on September 30, 2011 at 3:35 am

    How are you all doing?

    I watched Rori’s ‘Modern Siren’ this week for the first time (online). Love it!

    A lot of things triggered/clicked.
    Esp. about the Feeling Messages.
    I realized, when I do try to use them, I usually throw them out at the other person…
    Like I am expecting some kind of reaction.

    Slowly starting to see that it is not about them. But about me noticing my feelings first…

    Anyway, the weather is lovely, so I am off again.

    Just wanted to share to beautiful articles that I read on elephant Journal:

    How to survive a breakup:
    http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/09/how-to-survive-a-break-up/

    And 3 steps to profound healing:
    http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/09/the-3-steps-to-profound-healing-of-your-broken-heart-bones-spirit–ben-ralston/

    I will soon be back on Siren Island!

    Enjoy your day 🙂

    XXX
    Marina



  126.  #126Mel on September 30, 2011 at 4:23 am

    Turquoise,

    I saw you on the last post. Good to see you around cutie! 🙂



  127.  #127Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 4:29 am

    OMG, I am so bad at giving advices, I should just restrain from doing that. I am no siren…



  128.  #128Daria on September 30, 2011 at 5:02 am

    ohh i dreamt some wild stuff… one part was my Goddaughter and i think Godson too were living with me at my parents house and she was asking about her 8th birthday…

    the other part i was somewhere in San Jose with a childhood friend and we walked exploring the streets and we ran into a highschool party

    where there was some girl there who all of a sudden pointed at me … and ti was crazy cuz she wasnt in hs either she had gone to My highschool, sehs like i remember u tho i used to talk bad about you, im like about me what why> ? and shes like u did drugs

    im like wtf i did not! ugh…

    it was really busy at the party and i felt a bit overwhelmed and actually noticed im like i feel that way the way i fele when theres lots of people around…



  129.  #129Daria on September 30, 2011 at 5:02 am

    ohh i dreamt some wild stuff… one part was my Goddaughter and i think Godson too were living with me at my parents house and she was asking about her 8th birthday…

    the other part i was somewhere in San Jose with a childhood friend and we walked exploring the streets and we ran into a highschool party

    where there was some girl there who all of a sudden pointed at me … and ti was crazy cuz she wasnt in hs either she had gone to My highschool, sehs like i remember u tho i used to talk bad about you, im like about me what why> ? and shes like u did dru*gs

    im like wtf i did not! ugh…

    it was really busy at the party and i felt a bit overwhelmed and actually noticed im like i feel that way the way i fele when theres lots of people around…



  130.  #130Daria on September 30, 2011 at 5:27 am

    Starla – the female deer exercise really helped me with sexual frustration

    i feel guilty cuz at the same time the second day after i did it my body, *naively – my projection* put me into that mode, except i didn’t wind up doing it

    i feel so guilty like i let my poor trusting innocent body down!

    it was like a lil kid, it felt good and then just naturally went for more nd i didn’t give it to her

    i know this is a trigger from the past and i love myself

    — that deer exercise is rockin tho



  131.  #131Daria on September 30, 2011 at 5:27 am

    i also dreamt about a man, i know which man, i was talking to him…



  132.  #132Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 5:29 am

    Hi Marina, hope all is well?



  133.  #133Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 5:32 am

    RE 118 Miri the idea is that it is all in the energy, we are all energy so what we put out there people can feel it in the ether. I believe the confidence comment is related to in person contact. If you pay attention guys around you will react when you change. If you ask they will also tell you. At least that is my experience.



  134.  #134Daria on September 30, 2011 at 5:37 am

    Kayla – if that was me, and it has been…

    i would outgirl him even more

    unnecessary analysis: he’s triggered and going into fem energy, but guys don’t really feel good in fem energy even if we coddle them, inside they feel icky and unmasculine… END

    so i would lean back even more and say how THAT makes ME feel…

    oh wow that feels icky, im feeling turned off, im feeling unseen and blamed, unappreciated, i feel sad, angry

    all of those are options that i am practicing on using for next time this comes up for me. It has come up with Security man

    this will help him heal too, so that he is able to shift this pattern of going into boy-man, girly mode, which doesn’t feel so good to him inside

    go me!



  135.  #135Daria on September 30, 2011 at 5:39 am

    Kayla – that was referring to when he says “you’re not paying attention to my feelings, caring about my feelings”

    haha i remember now i actually had this with a cd.

    i paused, looked puzzled, and said… oh well… that feels weird… actually, i don’t want a man where i’m looking out for his feelings, i want to be the emotional partner… what do you think?

    he stepped up!



  136.  #136Daria on September 30, 2011 at 5:40 am

    hello Marina!



  137.  #137Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 5:43 am


  138.  #138Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 5:54 am

    I LOVE this post! I feel myself relaxing just reading it…like “oh ya”

    The idea is for you to get so familiar with not being anywhere and not thinking anything and not doing anything that you start to get COMFORTABLE with it!

    This is soooo what I needed to hear! 🙂

    Hope everyone has a great weekend…I have a new CD tonight…and Pipeliner is on his way he’ll be here late tonight 🙂



  139.  #139Starla on September 30, 2011 at 5:56 am

    OMG I did it. I called in sick to work. I am taking care of me. Soooo scary.

    I did, however, offer to take care of something at home, if needed.

    But I did it!

    Eeee! this sort of thing is so hard for me to do.



  140.  #140Starla on September 30, 2011 at 5:59 am

    I checked my email and facebook when I woke up, just kinda matter of factly, but then I remembered that CD1 might be signing on and so i logged off. and now i want to check my facebook to see what he’s doing and if he’s showing me some attention, but I am going to wait!!! Cuz I made a pact with the lovely Mel to lean back both in practice and in my vibe.



  141.  #141Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 6:01 am

    I can’t stop reading it lol…the relief I feel…is amazing…what if there are no puzzle pieces or anything to hold onto…I find myself wanting to put it all together and hang it on the wall…just like Rori describes it lol

    I like thinking that “there is nothing to hold on to” feels refreshing…

    Kind of reminds me of Byron Katie’s “I look forward to….(I’m just adding this) I look forward to feeling disarray” 🙂 ya..I can do that



  142.  #142MiRi on September 30, 2011 at 6:02 am

    RE 133 FW,
    oh great, all about energy then. I need to remember that in order to always be surrounded by positive energy…

    RE 137
    Interesting video.The main issue is that we take rejection as personal failure though we know it’s not…
    Now I know, with the “no closure” concept, even if guy tells me he’ll call me (knowing he won’t!), I won’t have to worry because I won’t expect anything from him. Just live the present moment. Easier said than done when your mind is overfunctioning, but I’m working on it.
    Now my problem is to meet new men and have CD-ing naturally, because I don’t feel comfortable initiating anything with anyone…



  143.  #143Starla on September 30, 2011 at 6:09 am

    Jilly, this one stuck with me too! I actually had a dream last night about opening a box for a puzzle i had completed, only to find that it was no longer put away in completed chunks, but a bunch of loose pieces again!



  144.  #144Lili 41 on September 30, 2011 at 6:43 am

    139:

    Go rebell go!



  145.  #145Mel on September 30, 2011 at 6:46 am

    LOL, I called in sick today too Starla! I had a bad headache this morning. We must be living on parallel wave-lengths! 🙂

    I’m proud of you for not looking! I’ve been a good girl today too!



  146.  #146Mel on September 30, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Heh-heh… Perhaps we should both head to the “naughty” store later today so that we can take care of those needs! 😉



  147.  #147Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 7:00 am

    Hi everyone and thanks to those wonderful sirens (you know who you are!) for your support in the previous thread. Lots has happened, and I’m only disk 2 into the Commitment Blueprint program. LOTS more to go and OMG I need it!

    TH is still kind of there, and there were some things taught in the program that Rori said would work almost instantly. She was right! TH is such a textbook case in many ways! 😛

    Anyway, he may not be talking to me after tonight though because I totally let him have it in a non-sireny way, but right now I really don’t give a hoot! AND he totally deserves it! lol Ok ok not being very sireny right now either….. :-\

    He’s now asleep (I assume) and I’m about to do the same as it’s been a VERY long week!

    Night all – I’ll try to post more over the weekend!
    xxx



  148.  #148Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:03 am

    Miri have you gone on line. I would if I were you. If you are uncomfortable. Just go through profiles initially kind of skimming in the background until you build up your comfort level to post a profile if you have not done so yet. Also there is no guarantees that they will contact you anyway. If they do you can just chat to practice your feeling messages.



  149.  #149Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:04 am

    BW letting him have it is something I would work on dropping. It is like correcting him or teaching him a lesson (mother or teacher). Doesn’t serve you or the relationship any purpose.



  150.  #150Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:06 am

    RE 139 Reading that and doing a jig in my mind from my Zumba class last night.



  151.  #151Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:09 am

    Really interesting and thought provoking concept
    In short, “giving” inherently suggests an experience of separation. “I have this. I give it to you. Now you have it. I don’t.”

    If you give away a dollar, you no longer have it yourself. The dollar is separated from you and joined with another person, so to speak.

    In the case of emotions like love, it seems less obvious that this is what happens. In fact, some great authors and speakers have commented how love is the only thing that when we give it away, we actually have more of it.

    In theory that’s great. I love the principle. In reality, it still subconsciously encourages separation. It presumes at the basic level, “I have love and you don’t.” (or don’t have enough of it)

    Perhaps I’m an idealist, but I believe we all have love within us.

    Sure we may be blocked from experiencing that love in its fullest unconditioned state. Decades of history, pain, and conditioning will block it to some degree in just about everybody. It is my belief though that the love already exists within each and every one of us, and it’s up to us to understand and remove the blockages we have and allow that love to radiate from us.

    In relation to giving though, I still think the idea of “giving love” might be a little bit outdated.

    Recently in exploring this, I stumbled upon something that felt interesting to me. The more I explored it, the more I realized it shifts the separating subconscious implications of “giving” to something more profound, integrating, and including.

    Rather than seeing ourselves as “giving” anything to another person, I bring you a different five letter word to try using…

    “Bring”

    I am reminded of growing up. When moving into a new neighborhood, it was customary to be welcomed by other neighbors who would BRING a welcome gift. If you were lucky, it was a home baked treat. 🙂

    They didn’t just give you the treat and leave. They didn’t ring the bell, leave it at the door, and walk away. And they didn’t ship it from Amazon with a computer generated “Welcome to the ‘hood!” memo.

    They BROUGHT it to you. They introduced themselves. They engaged with you.

    Specifically, they brought you a piece of themselves.

    This seems to be something I notice missing from a lot of giving today. There’s a lot of “stuff” being given, but what’s missing is the essential nature of giving ~ that we are actually BRINGING ourselves to an experience.

    It’s most prevalent with our attention.

    Are we “giving” somebody our attention? Are we “giving” them a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to listen?

    Or are we bringing ourselves to them? Bringing them our attention? Bringing them the shoulder?

    The difference may seem benign. Even pointless to some. To me it’s significant though.

    The word “bring” is inclusive in nature. It means we are not leaving something (like ourselves) behind nor handing something over. We are arriving WITH whatever we are giving.

    This is also true when we’re in a relationship, and especially one with conflict. Are we merely giving the other person an opportunity to be heard? Are we giving them a piece of our mind? Are we giving them our heart? Are we giving them space?

    Those all assume separation. “I have something. I give it.”

    Or are we BRINGING our heart, our soul, our essence into the relationship? Are we bringing our presence and capacity to hold space? The shift is subtle.

    Every time you think you’re giving something to somebody, pause for a moment and ask yourself how it might feel if you were to “bring” instead.

    Sure this requires a lot of conscious attention. We “give” a lot of things every day, to different people, and in different ways.

    But isn’t that what our lives are about? Conscious attention?

    Starting today, give it a try. Try “bringing” yourself into everything you “give” and see what your experience is like.

    My hunch is that you’ll feel a lot happier “bringing” yourself into the world. And other people will appreciate it too… even if all they know is that “something feels a little bit different.”

    Give it a try.

    Do it for a day or several.

    Then let me know how it goes for you. 🙂

    Your Partner In Transformation,
    Chris Cade



  152.  #152tinque on September 30, 2011 at 7:12 am

    Lyka – Yes you are a siren; it’s your birthright.

    I don’t know why you feel down on yourself right now, and it’s okay to have those moments. Just try to remember the first thing I said here.

    Sending you goddess love.

    xxoo



  153.  #153Starla on September 30, 2011 at 7:12 am

    Mel, that’s a great idea. And how funny that you called into work! My boss just emailed me wishing me to feel better, so I am going to try not to feel so guilty and ashamed lol

    I stayed off of facebook until I knew he would be busy at work!

    I think I am going to stay off of facebook in general today. I am feeling drained by it.

    I am going to use this free time today to keep decluttering and study. And rest:)



  154.  #154tinque on September 30, 2011 at 7:15 am

    MiRi – We are composed of energy. Especially if a man has been around you awhile, has dated you maybe or been together with you, he can and will feel your energy. he may not know that he’s feeling you confidence or your love for yourself or lack thereof, but he will know if it feels good to be around you or not.

    If he’s tuned into you, he can feel this through distances, even if he hasn’t seen you in weeks.

    I tend to believe this ability is stronger the closer you are to each other, but maybe not.

    xxoo



  155.  #155Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 7:15 am

    You’re right FW. I suppose I’m letting the anger take over right now too, which isn’t good.

    In saying that though, I’m now at a point where I need to state a specific boundary. It’s either me he pursues or it’s her (sadly for him she’s married and has zero intention of ending her marriage for him). His choice. And I’m ok with either. At least life will become a little less complicated either way…. :-\

    To be honest, at any other time in my life, I’d have walked LONG ago! Blah!



  156.  #156Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:21 am

    http://www.chriscade.com/2011/09/why-you-get-angry-and-what-to-do-about-it/
    Whenever you feel angry it’s because youe WANT something that you can’t have in that moment. Maybe you want something from another person and they won’t give it to you. Maybe you want something from reality that you can’t have.

    (such as a break from frustrating kids, incompetent coworkers, a nagging spouse, unwelcome weather, financial fears, and so on and so forth…)

    In short, we expect reality to be one way that is negatively different from what we want.

    That’s why whenever I’m having challenges in life, whenever I feel upset, I try to remember to ask myself a simple but profund question:

    “What do I want to get from this?”

    Or phrased slightly differently…

    “What am I expecting this person to give me that I don’t feel I can actually have?”



  157.  #157Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:23 am

    BW sorry but reading that sounded like an ultimatum to me.



  158.  #158MiRi on September 30, 2011 at 7:25 am

    RE 148 FW
    I actually live in Madagascar (yes, faaaar away from North America) and there’s no online dating site here (that I know of…). So we’re still stuck on “traditional” ways of meeting people, you know hanging out at a pub/bar/coffee shop, etc. Or at some private parties where we’re introduced to other people… Complicated.
    The funny thing is that I met most of my ex-boyfriends/dates online, via facebook, through “events” and “friends of friends”, will probably continue that way, I’m not initiating anything though.

    RE 154 Tinque,
    thank you, that’s what I’ve been wondering on these last weeks. I can’t wait to feel better and better. I must admit I’d love him to feel that I feel good even if he’s decided to not be around…
    We are the Fountains of Love, I feel soothed when I switch things and see myself this way… xoxo



  159.  #159Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 7:26 am

    You’re right FW.. And I am giving him one. But I don’t care what the outcome is.

    I don’t want to be physically exclusive with a man who has a big portion of his heart with another woman who doesn’t want to be with him.

    I want to walk away from that but have struggled, hence the seven thousand attempts to do so!

    I think I have a man crack addiction….



  160.  #160Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 7:27 am

    Tinque, thank you but I don’t feel like a siren this morning, in fact, I feel like a big, lazy sealion. I feel like a huge failure here on the blog. I feel jealous of other sirens who can actually give good advices. I feel like crying, I think I’m PMSing. I feel like kicking and screaming and giving up.

    Feeling so bad right now…:(



  161.  #161Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Ok I’ve just told him I’m stepping back and letting him chase her to his heart’s content. Go for it, I say!

    I figure it’s the only way he’s going to either a) get her out of his system; or b) realise it’s pointless chasing her.

    She’s a friend of mine and I KNOW she’s not leaving her husband anytime soon!! Her best friend said the same thing to me last night too! And right now, she’s angry at him for giving her a hard time tonight!

    IF he’s lucky, I may still be available (and open) to him when he’s done. He’d better hurry cos I’m very likely to be snapped up quickly! 😛



  162.  #162T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Just catching up on posts and am loving hearing about all the inappropirate kissing spots. 🙂 I just recently attended an “educational talk” 😉 at my local love shop and everyone had to write down the most unusual spot they did it on a piece of paper and the person giving the talk read them afterwards. It was hilarious! You wouldn’t believe some of the inappropriates spots – we were all dying with laughter.

    Anyway, my guy and I were kissing on the Las Vegas strip and a Brett Michaels impersonator walked by and jokingly told us to “get a room”. LOL. Not our most inappropriate spot but we love to tell that story.



  163.  #163tinque on September 30, 2011 at 7:33 am

    Lyka – Sorry you feel bad today, but it’s okay, really it is. We ALL go through times when we feel like this. Even me, even Rori. Feel this through, and know that it will pass.

    That’s one thing you can always count on, change.

    And yes hormones can wreak havoc on how you feel. This too shall pass.

    xxoo



  164.  #164Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 7:34 am

    Meh. I’m just over it all and it’s like I really don’t care if he comes back or not. I’m assuming he’ll take my offer to go and chase her, although my gut is saying otherwise. Not sure….

    It’s funny cos on the first disk of the program Rori said that we might feel like we don’t care so much about the outcome with these men as we begin applying the tools… Wow….



  165.  #165T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 7:35 am

    Butterfly Wings – so sorry to hear what you are going through. That is such a hard one but the “unsireny” person in me agrees with your ultimatum! Now that it is given you can start living your fabulous life and he will see it and realize what he is missing but yes, you will probably already have been snapped up by a fantastic man who gives himself to you 100% 🙂



  166.  #166Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:35 am

    Is There Really Love at First Sight?
    Posted on September 15, 2011 by Virginia Feingold Clark
    If you’re instantly attracted to a man, you can bet that the chances of you saying “yes” to him when he asks you out are about 99%. Let’s face it, the biggest factor in whether you’ll give a man your number and your attention is attraction.

    It’s romantic and thrilling to feel that you’ve found love at first sight, but before you give in and get involved with this man, you need to find out more about him. He’s really a stranger, but because of the attraction it doesn’t feel that way. In fact you may feel as though you’ve met before, as if you already know him — that’s part of the chemistry that’s so heady.

    It feels wonderful, you feel excited and alive. After all, you don’t feel this kind of instant connection with a man often, for most it’s few and far between. So when it hits, you’re going to want to hold on to that feeling for as long as you can.

    This is how affairs can begin — affairs involving unavailable men. The attraction overwhelms the messages of warning your brain is trying to send you. The pull is so strong that it just feels right, it feels like it was meant to be.

    Your mind will imbue him with all kinds of wonderful qualities. He’ll seem to beeverything you’ve been looking for in a man. And as you revel in the chemistry between you, you’ll turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the messages your intuition is trying to tellyou. If he’s feeling as attracted to you as you are to him, that’s just putting oil on a fire.

    If you’re lucky, the two of you will be a good match and live happily ever after. But when there is this kind of intense first attraction, you may end up swayed by your feelings and sending your common sense out the window.

    Choosing a man to become physically and emotionally involved with is not something you should take lightly. When the chemistry is strong the tendency is to get involved too quickly. And as time passes all the red flags you ignored at the beginning will begin to get your attention. But by now, it may be too late, you’ve given your heart and become entwined with this man.

    Disengaging yourself, even after a short time can be traumatic and painful.

    So this is a warning about love at first sight. If you give in to it fully, you are gambling with your heart. Hold off and try to savor the deliciousness of delayed gratification. It can save you years of regret and a broken heart.



  167.  #167T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 7:37 am

    I hope nobody takes this wrong, but I think one of the main lessons I have learned at this site is that Facebook has no place in relationships!

    I have a FB but my guy doesn’t. If he ever gets one I still don’t think I will friend him.



  168.  #168Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Thanks T-Girl. I’d never give an ultimatum if I wasn’t prepared to accept either outcome, so I’m ready for it!

    Gawd, I’ve tried ending things with him a gazillion times already, so my mental preparation has been intense!



  169.  #169Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:50 am

    RE 164 I feel you BW and I totally agree. Just that I believe the real sireny thing to do is easy breezy happy moving on with no ultimatum. Getting angry confirms his doubts about you. Letting him go have him question his decision and longing for you. It is practice for you to develop your skills/tools for Mr. Right and being irresistible.



  170.  #170T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 7:54 am

    Lyka – don’t feel bad. I can totally relate to how you feel though. I have given bad advice here before and feel unheard so many times, but I know it is not a reflection on my true self. I’ve learned from the bad advice I have given so really it is a good thing. Like learning from your mistakes. And feeling unheard, well, it is a very busy blog and I know that I don’t have time to respond to everyone’s post so I realize people don’t have time to respond to mine.

    Oh, and I am queen of the “uh oh, the hormones are kicking up again”. Still working on that one…



  171.  #171Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:00 am

    I see what you are saying BW but remember Rori helps to change up patterns and try something new. He never responded to shooing in the past not sure he will now. Having the best of both worlds



  172.  #172Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:01 am

    RE 167 T-Girl I got that from Jonathan Aslay interview with Rori. He painted it as a powerful tool that should be not taken lightly. But to each his/her own.



  173.  #173T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 8:05 am

    172 FW – I think I heard him say that in his interview as well. But isn’t it a bit ironic that he endorses FB as an avenue for dating? In fact, I think he met his current love there…



  174.  #174Starla on September 30, 2011 at 8:09 am

    BW, I am glad you are saying no thanks to this guy who isn’t giving you what you need. It wasn’t an ultimatum in my eyes because, well, he isn’t going to get over her just cuz you said so. He’s just not available in this way. Next!

    PS, do yourself a favor and spare yourself the pain i brought in myself by fantasizing/hoping deep down that he would come through with that you want. Move on completely! Assume he never, ever, ever will, and you are brilliant for catching it now.



  175.  #175T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 8:12 am

    BTW, I love Jonathan Aslay’s perspective. In fact, I asked him a question on FB about a man saying “I love you” first, and his response to me was:

    ” When a man says I love you, men are concerned you hear the following “WOW he said he loves me…. he will be with me for the rest of my life”

    Men are concerned that the words denote long term commitment and not the feeling in the moment…. from the woman’s perspective.

    He may care for you deeply, but may not want you to believe it is a commitment for long term.”

    Maybe not the words I wanted to hear, but it really gave me something to consider from the male point of view.

    Here is Jonathan’s website:

    http://www.understandmennow.com



  176.  #176Daria on September 30, 2011 at 8:13 am

    mm i went and got a massage!

    and my masseuse talked a lot and reinspired me aout coaching



  177.  #177marina on September 30, 2011 at 8:16 am

    hello Dear Sirens,

    hi FW and Daria!

    My 2nd comment is still in moderation bc I put two links to articles on Elephant Journal in it…LOL
    It will soon be visible I suppose.

    Happy to be back here!

    A lot has happened…

    I don’t want to dwell on the past, just want to give you Sirens a quick update and please keep telling me to look at the facts, bc I still seem to suffer of Stockholmsyndrom somehow…

    Broke up with BF4 after finding out that I was his ‘2nd’ woman, he was already in a commited relationship for 10 years with another woman when I met him 5.5 years ago….

    She broke up with him October 2010 and now somehow found out about me.
    Actually she already found out about me when I was with him for about 1.5 years, but he somehow managed to make us both believe that we were mistaken. AND I was very willing to believe I was wrong.

    Last year I found out he had been on holiday with his Mom and this other woman (finding boattickets and copies of their passports). Tried to Google her, but couldn’t get a hold of her. Also asked him about the papers and he told me she was his brothers GF.
    I had a burn out after that, so had other things on my mind but finding her.

    Fast forward to this Spring. I had never met his family. One day his brothers were coming to my house to see me. Big suprise! Saying they didn’t know where he was and asking about our relationship. Saying they thought he might be in money and gambling problems and would I please tell them when he was at my place.
    I felt really like I was at a police station and they were interrogating me. Well, I have nothing to hide so I told them we had been together for 5 years.
    Also believed them that they were really there to help him, so talked about it with him.

    He told me they were lying and making things up and that they should leave him alone and that I should be on his team. I told I wanted to be on his team, but if he had problems and couldn’t work it out himself, what bad would come from them helping him out.
    His brothers kept contacting me, I kept telling him he should really talk to them. Nothing changed, so one day I told them when he was at my place, and the entire family, including his Mom, (who looked just like him BTW) came to pick him up and talk to him about his money problems.
    So they told me they had talked to him and everything was going to be fine and he told me they only wanted to help him bc him Mom was pressuring them and that they could not really help him out.

    After that I kept in touch with his brothers as well and after a while they started telling me they still didn’t know where he was at etc.

    I had asked them about the other woman whose papers I had found with his papers. Well, as they are his brothers, they stayed a bit vague and said she was a friend of the family but they didn’t see her that much anymore.

    A couple of weeks later that woman contacted me through FB. Saying she wanted to talk to me about BF4 and that she had good intentions.
    I recognized her name and told her how happy I was to finally have a chance to talk to her and hopefully we could help eachother out.

    She understood I was still in a relationship with him and told me I had to make up my own mind.
    But also told they had been together (and living together) for 14 years and she broke up with him earlier bc there were some money problems and also they were supposed to get married but he had been stalling that for years. Also she had a feeling he was involved with another woman (me! and G*d knows perhaps other women, even though I am not sure about that).

    Of course I wasn’t going to believe her the first moment. I was feeling curious though. And there were too many things she knew about him that did make sense. I felt calm and glad that finally pieces were falling into place. Also I felt really sorry for her (what about me???) that she had to find out that he had been cheating on her for such a long time.

    But in the same time he was actually cheating on me!!! This is really hard for me to recognize. It is not easy for me to understand that it is OK for me to feel sad and hurt and betrayed and angry, mad, disrespected bc he treated me this way.

    The worst thing was finding out that he had used the same nickname for the two of us. Yes, that did make me feel less special and yes it also made me see how he somehow had thought all of it through.

    Somehow it is also not easy for me to feel hurt, bc in the back of my mind I knew something like this had to be going on. I knew there probably was another woman in his life. Why should I feel hurt, if I already knew this was going on.

    Also, thinking, feeling that way, made me feel safe kinda, bc I didn’t have to open up completely. It was like a silent agreement somehow. How f8cked up is that?
    And I did feel bored, bc of the not opening up, we seemed to go through the same circles.
    I know he tried to change that, but I never really dared to go with opening up.

    I can’t cry a lot, When I do, I feel like I have failed. I was trying so hard to make this relationship work, I wanted it to work so desperately. I wanted him to see how sweet and fantastic I am. I thought he was cool and beautiful and fantastic. I wanted to go and live with him in Morocco. I wanted all that. I was willing to wait for him, willing to wait for him to say, now is the right moment, let’s have kids, let’s go and live together.

    I also always felt off balance with him somehow. Bc I knew things weren’t right or bc I wasn’t feeling right.

    So, I told him I had talked to his exGF. I told him I wanted to stop this kind of relationship.
    I have been cheating on him as well you see. He found out about that, and gave me a 2nd chance, which I accepted. And I tried to hold onto that. I didn’t sleep with BF2 anymore. But I did sleep with AmericanNavyFling last April.
    So, I wanted to get out of the not being faithfull and not being honest.

    He did try to talk me into having him back. He told me he wanted to go for me, but then found out about me cheating on him and then didn’t know what to do. I said, I am sorry I cheated on you. I should not have done so and I don’t want to do that again.
    But then I also said. Look, after you found out I cheated on you, I didn’t cheat for another 2 years. Last October your exGF kicked you out of the house. You could have come to live with me permanently by that time, without me knowing what was exactly going on. But you choose not to. So, I don’t think you choose for me.

    The first night after I found out about her and him, I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking, I don’t know how he is going to react. He has the keys to my door. What if he is freaking out and comes to my house? I want to feel safe in my own home. So the next day I changed my lock. He came to my house to talk to me and see me and ofcourse was surprised he couldn’t get in. I didn’t open the door. He called me. I told him he could talk to me on the phone. But I wasn’t going to tell him where I was at, bc I didn’t feel safe anymore.
    A couple of days later we had an appointment where he came to pick up his clothes and other stuff.

    So fast forward to now. Yes I have seen him again. We have talked a little bit about it. He has said things like, wouldn’t you rather be single again? We have had some more heart to heart talk. And I have slept with him again.
    That still feels great, but I think is not getting me anywhere. I feel said bc I miss him. I realize what it is like to be in a relationship, when I am with him. And I miss that a lot. And I know I need to move on.
    Bc I don’t want the crumbs, I want the whole cake!

    I try to contact him as little as possible.
    I am seeing my friends. Still looking for a job too.

    My friends tell me to let him go completely and that he is an utter a**hole and I deserve so much better, but I still see the good things a lot and know that I want those good things and much more of these good things. I am making mental notes, I do want that in my relationship, I don’t want that. That is why I don’t want to let him go.

    On the other hand, whoa, I would love to fall in love again, I would love to get to know a new guy. Let go of all the old, tyring sadness.

    I watched Modern Siren and love that Rori talks about how men struggle with their emotions too. That makes them as human as we are right? Not saying it is an excuse for a men’s behaviour, but acknowledge we are all humans. I feel so empowered by that.

    And I liked many more things in the videos 🙂
    Somehow made me feel whole. Like I am whole, not broken. Not like I need to fix myself in my little safe cage, before I go out in the world. Does that make any sense?

    So back on Siren Island.
    Back to my happily ever after.

    XXX
    Marina



  178.  #178Senior lady Vibe on September 30, 2011 at 8:18 am

    @59: Femininewoman says:
    “…Tzenny I would say figure out what would light you up and start doing those things to feed that blame. I could become a burning inferno of love for yourself and your life…”

    Hi, FW. Reading and catching up. I’m thinking that is meant to be “flame!” and not “blame?”
    😳

    Interesting male dating coach letter too; I was watching the video yesterday until technical difficulties interrupted so I only saw first twenty minutes…. awww.

    xoxo



  179.  #179Starla on September 30, 2011 at 8:22 am

    HOLY CRAP LEANING BACK IS HARD.



  180.  #180T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Starla, agreed. Leaning back is very hard, hence the reason why you need to focus on yourself. Are you the one who called in sick today? Maybe you just aren’t focused on something but your guy. Find an activity to do today and it will help you to lean back.



  181.  #181Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Tinque – #163:

    Yes, I know it will pass, eventually. But atm, it feels so frustrating. I mean, why do women have to endure all these changes? When it’s not one thing, it’s another one. I’m still menstruating, albeit in a non-regular way, I never know when the “red army” will ride into town, I’m “perimenopausal” (not sure if this is the right word but I’m sure you all know what I mean), having hot flashes every half hour or so. I started menstruating when I was 9, I’m now 46, almost 47. That’s a long time. I just can’t wait til this is over. But I guess it will never be, there will be something else, of course. Men don’t have to go through that. Some people would say it’s great to be a woman, and it is, at some level, but to have to go through this is not something that makes me feel special at all.

    T-Girl – #170:

    Thank you, I appreciate your support. I just feel so useless here sometimes. I mean, I learn a lot of things yet I can’t even give an advice that’s worthy of helping others. It feels like I don’t really “get” it.

    And kind of like AG, I often feel like I don’t really belong, that I’m not really being heard. I know this is my issue and not yours and that I will have to either work on it or accept it as it is.



  182.  #182T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 8:29 am

    181 Lyka – I think the way you are feeling of not belonging is typical in the online world. I bet if you asked everyone here they would all agree they have felt that way. I know that I have learned tons here and reading up on the comments is a way of driving in what I have learned from Rori so it sticks. So even if you can’t give good advice, use this blog as a learning tool for yourself. I hope you feel better 🙂



  183.  #183marina on September 30, 2011 at 8:31 am

    A friend told me that one of the quotes she loves is:

    Failing is not falling down, but refusing to get up again.
    (I’d like to add again 😉



  184.  #184Shar lean way back on September 30, 2011 at 8:31 am

    VW loved your processing in 69 and Mel 71..it’s all good today.



  185.  #185T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Oh, and Lyka – even if I post here and not get a response it still helps me because I really don’t have any girlfriends that relate to me since they are all married. So even posting here and not getting a response is my way of getting out of my system what I need to verbalize.



  186.  #186Daria on September 30, 2011 at 8:33 am

    BW – pairing down your “i don’t want” it sounds very sireny to me… Rori teaches this…

    “I don’t want to be physically exclusive with a man who has a portion of his heart with another woman”

    or even “i don’t want to date a man who’s emotionally involved with another woman” – i know why, i tried and it felt terrible



  187.  #187marina on September 30, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Oh, and if I am going to be my own best friend,
    I just made this quote up to help me be my best friend:

    It is never too late to give (yourself) a second chance!

    😀

    XXX
    Marina



  188.  #188marina on September 30, 2011 at 8:36 am

    Lyka ((((((HUGS)))))),
    I hear you, I feel the same on here and in real life sometimes.
    Please keep trying and keep learning.
    XXX



  189.  #189Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:37 am

    Marina 177 was difficult to read because it felt like two people pulling each other into drama and going back and forth into toxicity. Neither of you might be toxic, just the dynamics. I believe some men just bring out the worst in us. That is just how the energy flows in the relationship bubble. Living consciously, looking at oneself and making different choices I believe is the best way to go.



  190.  #190Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:38 am

    RE 187 Love it Marina



  191.  #191Daria on September 30, 2011 at 8:41 am

    Lyka – well dear girl, you’re faced with the monumental, impossible looking task of trying to infer Rori’s whole body of work AND the insights of practicing it from just a few tidbits…of course you don’t feel like you ‘get’it yet!

    I didn’t feel like i was ‘getting it’ for almost a year and i had Rori’s programs all available as soon as they came out!

    this is all counterintuitive, often not found anywhere else stuff..

    do you have a paypal account?

    I could gift you the money to purchase the e-book…

    that will give you a clear foundation



  192.  #192Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:43 am

    SLV flame was what I meant. Thanks



  193.  #193Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Why do I get the impression that people are misunderstanding what Lyka said?



  194.  #194Daria on September 30, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Marina – oh i would feel so THRILLED to see you on board with Circular Dating, healing yourself, and not being exclusive with any of the multiple men desiring you to be their one and only, until you feel you have the relationship you want



  195.  #195Starla on September 30, 2011 at 8:54 am

    T-Girl, thanks:) I have some things planned out to focus on myself. In more good news, my coworker said he won’t need me for anything today.



  196.  #196marina on September 30, 2011 at 8:55 am

    FW190

    Thnx for your reply.
    Hmmm yeah, DRAMA was the first thing on my mind after I hit the Enter button. Also bc I just wrote the highlights of the last couple of months.

    Interesting.
    I think you are right about the drama and toxicity and dynamics.
    I don’t think he is a bad guy and I don’t think I am a bad girl.

    I do know I want adrenalin and action in my life, I think there was a lot of that in our relationship, not in a healthy way probably. And I think we both grew tired of that, that is why I wanted it to stop.

    I still need drama and adrenalin somehow, perhaps I should start writing or take some more risks in my life elsewhere.

    I would really like a relationship that gives me a feeling of security and trust and happiness.
    Might have to build that with myself first?

    I am feeling curious, why was it hard to read?

    Bc I felt the adrenalin and the off-blance feeling a lot while I was writing it all down.

    It is not easy for me to sit with how it actually all makes me feel.

    I feel more like I am some gossip journalist talking about somebody elses life….
    Not as if it is my life I am talking about…
    Feels scary to come to accept it is my life and what happened and what I did…

    XXX
    Marina



  197.  #197Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:56 am

    “often not found anywhere else stuff”. Not true.



  198.  #198Daria on September 30, 2011 at 8:58 am

    “often not found anywhere else stuff.” True.



  199.  #199marina on September 30, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Daria195
    Thnx, that is very sweet of you 🙂

    I don’t have much choice but taking that path now…feeling wobly (is that english?) about it…

    XXX
    Marina



  200.  #200Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:01 am

    T-Girl – #182:

    In fact, I feel like I don’t belong anywhere in the whole world, except when I’m with my sweetie, then I feel like I really belong because it’s easy and he’s so cool and accepting of how I am.

    I’ve been feeling this way for a long time but kind of brushed it aside in order to go on with my life. Because that’s what we’re supposed to do, right? People used to tell me “if you can’t beat them, join them”. But I never really wanted to join them, I always wanted to have it my way, but I discovered that it’s impossible.



  201.  #201Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 9:04 am

    Marina “I do know I want adrenalin and action in my life” reads very masculine to me. Maybe because of the “action”. Hopefully you can engage your boy energy in creating something for your career also.

    For me it was hard to read because it feels like moving unconsciously on autopilot not recognizing one’s own pattern. I have done that a lot, particularly in my career and jadedness with men. Reading it brought up some emotions that I have been healing.

    Giving yourself trust, security and happiness is the first step. Journaling is really healing and the off balance feeling is you being aware of how much emotion you have stuffed down around the way you see your life’s story and getting it out there. Hug yourself and read it with curiousity. Fear might have it’s place but maybe not here because the past does not even exist anymore. It might help you get unstuck in other areas of your life as you process this, releasing the energy to work on your behalf.



  202.  #202Daria on September 30, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Starla – girl i signed onto facebook looking for YOU today, and you decided not to go on there…

    humphers



  203.  #203Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 9:06 am

    Lyka I am wondering if it is your higher self/spirit telling you/calling you to a “purpose”.



  204.  #204Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:06 am

    marina – #188:

    Thank you, I’m feeling better reading I’m not the only one. Your story is something else, it really made me go “what?”. I’m not going to give you advice but all I can say is “toxic”. Not good. Reminds me of something I went through myself a few years ago.

    However, I feel like you know what to do and you’re doing it well!

    Nice lips, btw! Are they yours? 😉



  205.  #205T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 9:06 am

    Lyka #200

    I can so relate to what you are saying about not belonging anywhere. I too can feel that way and it is a major healing process. I don’t know how to heal it but I do know that when my confidence levels are up and I feel that I belong that life is all that much sweeter. I think one of the keys to healing is not worrying about what other people think which I do all the time. I’m not living my life for them but for me.



  206.  #206T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 9:11 am

    I just realized what time it was so I better get off the computer. I have my first weigh in at Weight Watchers today. I don’t think I lost anything this week but at least I have been aware of what I have been putting in my mouth. Have a great day everyone!



  207.  #207Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Daria – #191 (or so, numbers seem to be off again):

    Thank you, I really appreciate it but you don’t have to do that. This is just a phase I’m going through. And reading what you all have to say is really helping.

    And I hope I didn’t sound to whiny (hate that!) – wah! wah! I can be such a baby sometimes! lol!



  208.  #208Daria on September 30, 2011 at 9:16 am

    Lyka – i know I don’t have to. I actually felt inspired to offer that before but hesitated cuz I didn’t want to pressure you.

    For me, it would feel good to – I go by my intuition and it told me to.

    If you would receive this, that would feel great.

    You can e-mail me at magicgoddessmedicinewoman@gmail.com



  209.  #209Starla on September 30, 2011 at 9:16 am

    I have been thinking, after checking out EMK and some other coaches, I decided that they’re like a Cosmo mag and Rori is something much deeper. I can’t think of a good book example to complete an analogy to the Cosmo mag, but hopefully you know what I’m trying to say.

    Rori’s dating/love advice is based on being happy and healthy. She doesn’t just say “Give a man space.” She says “give a man space, and here is how you do it in a way that makes your own life so great it won’t even matter what happens with him. Here’s how you take care of yourself and be so authentically vulnerable that not only will he feel compelled to take care of you, but if he stops, it wouldn’t even matter” Not “suck it up and be cooler because that’s what men need”

    It’s all super empowering but requires serious paradigm shifting at first so it tripped me up for a long time. I am starting to really feel the big picture better than I ever have before.



  210.  #210Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:17 am

    FW – #203:

    Yes, I think it is. I’m just feeling afraid to actually go and do what I came here for. I’m just scared it won’t work out. That’s why I could so relate to Ella (sorry if I’m speaking about you in the third person, Ella – wish you were here!) when she said she was afraid that people would not be interested in taking her zumba class. Even though I know I have the ability to achieve it, it’s still frightening!



  211.  #211Senior lady Vibe on September 30, 2011 at 9:17 am

    @146: Mel

    This reminds me I haven’t checked out Carlin and Betty’s “Friday videos” lately… those two women are lots of fun as they talk about everything sexual.

    http://www.dodsonandross.com

    😀

    xoxo



  212.  #212Mel on September 30, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Lyka,

    Big hugs! 🙂



  213.  #213Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:19 am

    T-Girl – #205:

    Yes, right on. I feel like I could’ve written that paragraph myself. Thank you. 🙂



  214.  #214Mel on September 30, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Starla,

    Oops! I leaned forward a bit! I couldn’t help myself! I found out that I can take a certification course to teach yoga to children and I was feeling SO excited about that possibility. I haven’t been able to get a teaching contract and really miss working with kids, and I LOVE yoga! Anyway… I was feeling so happy and inspired that I just had to share that with him. But perhaps because it was all about ME, ME, ME and not asking ANYTHING of him… that’s okay? I don’t know. I really don’t care. I feel so excited right now!



  215.  #215Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Lyka you reminded me of this Marianne Williamson quote I am going to share with you now

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”



  216.  #216Mel on September 30, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Thanks for the link SLV! I’ll have to check that out!



  217.  #217Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Lyka notice the fear. Rori has a tool that teaches you can make it big or you can make it small.



  218.  #218Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:26 am

    Daria – #208:

    Thank you, I might just do that.



  219.  #219Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:27 am

    Thank you, Mel! So sweet! 🙂



  220.  #220Mel on September 30, 2011 at 9:30 am

    Lyka,

    I’m in your city tomorrow (I think…) 😉



  221.  #221Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:33 am

    FW – #215:

    This is nice, it actually brought tears to my eyes because I KNOW I am all that, I can FEEL deep in my bones when I train these two girls once a week. I love doing that, helping people get healthy and in shape, I feel awesome doing it and I know that’s what I should do. I’m just scared other people won’t see the wonderfulness in me because they don’t know me, as opposed to these girls. Weird, isn’t it?



  222.  #222Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Mel, you’ll be in Montreal? I’m not exactly in Montreal, but not far though. Wish I could meet you, that would be great to meet a true siren! Maybe some of your “sirenness” could rub off me! lol!



  223.  #223Starla on September 30, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Mel,
    That’s so awesome about the good news!! I feel excited for you!

    I think it’s technically leaning forward but I know for me it would be BIG leaning forward. Because I would want to impress him or show him how awesome my life is and that’s why i’m doing it. I don’t always realize it but that is generally why i share good news with CDs…like ‘check out how happy and positive all this is’

    That is just me though. I don’t know about other women. But it feels much better to save the good news for the next time he initiates catching up with me. And I like being mysterious in between contact:P Like, what wonderful things do i squeeze into my life when you’re not around? 😀



  224.  #224Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Promise to myself:

    On Monday, I’m going to get an ad in the newspaper to offer my services as a personal trainer.

    Yes, I will.

    I have to do it if I want to break through this fear.

    It’s a promess I make myself.



  225.  #225Mel on September 30, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Aw, Starla,

    You’re right! That would have been SOOOOO much better to share with him next time. Maybe that’s why (at an unconscious level) I do it too. I need to remember this and ask myself what my motivation is in telling him….

    You are such a helpful siren Miss Starla!



  226.  #226Ella on September 30, 2011 at 9:39 am

    T Girl,

    Re 167

    I know what you mean and I would agree except about 40% of my CDs have come through Facebook!

    Tricky. xoxox



  227.  #227Starla on September 30, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Ella, facebook is CDing gold for me too!:)



  228.  #228Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Not weird Lyka, normal is more the word. We are all there until we become conscious and aware and then choose to think differently.



  229.  #229Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Lyka I feel so excited to read that promise. Read about people like Colonel Sanders story if you want inspiration.



  230.  #230Mel on September 30, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Yep! MTL. 🙂



  231.  #231Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 9:47 am

    About Col. Sanders

    “In his travels, he was rejected on many occasions, laughed at about his attire of his starched white shirt and white pants. However, Sanders persevered, and after a little over 1,000 visits, he finally persuaded Pete Harman in South Salt Lake, Utah to partner with him. They launched the first “Kentucky Fried Chicken” site in 1952″.



  232.  #232mlc on September 30, 2011 at 9:52 am

    I do not know where to post this but I have a question regarding dating a recently divorced man.



  233.  #233Mel on September 30, 2011 at 9:52 am

    Ok… so NOT ONE text message from me to him between now and Sunday. Sunday he asked me to tell him if i had time to see him when I got home, so I will do as he requested.

    Hmmmmm…. but what if he texts me? Maybe I should just turn my phone off. Or just check it once in the morning and once at night to respond to stuff? I have too much to do anyway. He should know I’ll be busy! LOL



  234.  #234Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Hi mlc

    most people are here including coaches like Tinque. I am sure you would get some kind of response here. Though you can also post on the questions article.



  235.  #235marina on September 30, 2011 at 9:55 am

    FW 202

    Thnx for your reply!
    You are so right.

    I feel such a SirenBaby and very clueless about a lot of things…
    And have been neglecting how I feel for a long time…so a lot of it is unconscious!

    I hope that journailing will help me. Yeah, I stuffed a lot of my feelings and it seems to be coming up through some health issues too now.

    I seem to have my girl and boy energy mixed up a lot.
    I go into passive (not even really girl I suppose) energy a lot about my work.
    And when I use my boy energy and enthousiasm, I cannot dose it and burn out or go maniac…and then need lots of time to get by.

    I stumbled upon ADD and Non Verbal Learning Disorder and thought they had interviewed me.

    Also, I cannot distinguish between my energy and problems and somebody elses. Hello boundaries, where are you?

    I somehow try to make things work through my boy energy in my love relationships a lot. With my friends I am usually very much leaning back.

    Gosh. Pffff.
    You are good at seeing all of this!

    I want to get down and cry.
    But I feel so much tightness in my back and shoulders and around my heart.
    Do not know how to free myself from it.
    I suppose I should feel it first.
    My muscles ache.
    I would love a massage!
    Did yoga yesterday, but it still aches.

    I feel clueless. I don’t know where to start.
    I feel overwhelmed and not whole anymore but like I will never be fixed.

    🙁 Now I think I am whining.



  236.  #236Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:55 am

    FW – #229:

    I’m feeling excited too! I’ve been saving the money the girls have given me for a rainy day but I’ll use some of it for the ad. I owe it to myself if I want to get somewhere.

    I feel inspired by the Colonel Sanders story, thank you.



  237.  #237Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Mel, are you driving there? If so, get ready for a lot of traffic! Montreal is messed up, these days.



  238.  #238marina on September 30, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Lyka 205
    I like your promise!
    Good for you!

    Yes, these are my lips 🙂
    XXX



  239.  #239Mel on September 30, 2011 at 10:01 am

    Lyka,

    Perhaps next month when I go back (I tend to go often to visit my dear friends) we can meet up for a coffee? This trip will be super short and rather jam-packed, but we should plan something for next time!



  240.  #240Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 10:01 am

    Marina, keep writing about it, I’m sure you’ll finally find some solace in it.

    I know I feel almost 100% percent better now.

    (((hugs)))



  241.  #241Starla on September 30, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Mel, I guess it’s up to you if you feel like texting with this man or not, but if a man texts you something, i think it’s okay to respond back:) For example:

    “Hi how’s your day?”
    You: “Feeling great! thanks:)”

    “I hope you have a good day”
    You: “:) Thank you”

    “See you on Sunday”
    You: “Okay:)”

    I’m a big fan of the smiley face if you can’t tell, hehe. And I am happy to help! But really I feel like I have much to learn from you! This CD thing all comes quite naturally to you and you are really good at taking care of yourself.



  242.  #242marina on September 30, 2011 at 10:02 am

    I just talked to a friend of mine through Skype.

    He is gay, but I can still practice right?
    I told him it felt great to talk to him again.
    Bc it really did!

    Yay.
    That was easy!



  243.  #243Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Mel, that would be great! If you’re coming down over a weekend when I’m not working, I would certainly consider it.



  244.  #244Mel on September 30, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Thanks Starla! I feel touched reading that!

    And as for texting, I think I will respond IF he texts first… but I’m making an agreement with myself not to check my phone more than twice a day. 🙂 Hopefully that will help me curb my “man-crack” urges with him! 😉



  245.  #245Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 10:06 am

    RE 235 marina I am suspecting self-esteem issues?

    I would encourage you to get down and cry. Then read Rori’s self esteem category if you have not already done so. The crying will unearth stuff for you. Also get curious about yourself and wonder why you feel the way you do and focus on those body parts. Rori also has a tool to focus on talking to your frozen parts.



  246.  #246Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 10:10 am

    Marina maybe you could experiment with riffing here is an example from a previous post

    1. “I feel scared that I want a man, I love feeling scared, feeling scared feels exciting, my body is so terrific for having all these feelings and wanting all these things, wow, wanting a man feels like too much to ask, is it too much to ask? Who says? I don’t know – so it’s fine, I’m fine, I want, and it’s okay, and wanting a man feels sexy…” (Accepting and Loving your feelings, wants, problems no matter what – the RIFF)
    Then:
    “Having a man feels shaky in my shoulders, I feel all open and warm in my vagina, I feel my jaw clamp up…” (Sensations)
    NOW:
    Start with ONE feeling or sensation that’s in your writing – like “Having a man feels….”
    Then go with it into your body…”Having a man feels… shaky in my shoulders. My left shoulder feels tense now, that tension feels prickly, the prickly feels cold, prickly and cold makes my heart feel sad. Sadness feels like a lump in my heart. The lump feels metallic. Metallic feels cold, I LOVE my cold, metallic heart, it feels all shiny and special and glowing….and my glowing metallic heart is now melting, and now it feels all golden…..” (Deeper Sensations)



  247.  #247Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Starla and Mel:

    Here’s an advice I can give you if you want to buy a vibrator: make sure the salesperson test it in front of you before leaving the store because these things are not refundable and you won’t be happy puppies if it doesn’t work! 😉



  248.  #248Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Rori

    As a contrast, here’s what pure Feminine Energy language looks and sounds like:
    1. Only Feminine Energy, that’s completely attractive, magnetic , and passive
    2. It’s leaned-back, warm, inviting, grounded, centered, no-nonsense, feeling, easy, taking responsibility for itself, just Being
    3. It says “I feel, I’m feeling, I felt, It feels…and NEVER mentions HIM
    4. It stands still when things aren’t going the way it wants, and if it starts feeling bad, it walks away. (Yep – walking away is FEMININE. “Hanging-in” when it feels bad is MASCULINE



  249.  #249tinque on September 30, 2011 at 10:13 am

    Lyka – But men DO have to go though hormonal stuff. Their testosterone levels are 20 times ours. In their late teens through twenties and even into the thirties, their sexual urges are so powerful. It feels overwhelming to me to imagine how powerful a fore this must be.

    Their peepees talk to them ALL the time, several times a day. Most women turn them on.

    I cannot imagine what they have to do to gain perspective on this and learn how to ignore many of these incessant urges.

    And as you know some don’t learn.

    I hear you on the hormonal stuff. All you can do is the best you can.

    Fell bad today. Really, really feel bad. Maybe you’ll get bored with it, and the clouds will lift.

    Sending you love and hugs.

    xxoo



  250.  #250mlc on September 30, 2011 at 10:14 am

    I started seeing a man who “was in a bad marriage for the past three years, filed for divorce a year ago, and finalized his divorce three months ago.” He assured me he had dated plenty of women from work, church and a dating site and that he was absolutely ready for a serious relationship he hoped would lead to marriage. It took a lot of conversation…a lot…and he convinced me to give dating him a shot.

    I did and we hit it off tremendously. So much so that we started talking about a future together shortly into the relationship…not making plans, but seeing what was important to one another.

    Shortly after we started dating (one month into the relationship), his mother died and his only son moved away to college. He is the executor of her estate (in another state) which did not include a will and is messy. He has a full time job and is a high ranking officer in the Army reserves. He has a completely full plate.

    He is used to knowing himself, knowing what he wants and going after it. With everything that is going on, his world is upside down.

    We noticed that when the son went to college that he felt he needed to pull away and restructure his life. Understandable. We are good at communicating and are honest with each other even if it’s not something we want to hear.

    So we have a good foundation, good friendship.

    We both truly believe we are meant to be together.

    How do we keep this relationship healthy while he works out the things he needs to work out? I understand his situation and feel compassion for him. I want him to do what he needs to do even if it means a time out for us. However, I don’t want to lose what we have, and neither does he. How do we work this out?

    I am here because I know you all give advice with love and compassion. I want to do what’s right and healthy.

    Thanks for your help.



  251.  #251tinque on September 30, 2011 at 10:16 am

    And as for not feeling like you belong, I can pretty much guarantee that you adn AG are not the only ones who feel this way.

    It’s not always your role to help. Maybe you are the one needing help right now, and this is good. One day it will be your turn to pat this forward.

    Just listening to someone is huge all by itself you know.

    xxoo



  252.  #252marina on September 30, 2011 at 10:17 am

    FW 247 & 248

    You suspect those issues right yeah.

    I will look up the self esteem part. It is what I need the most now.

    Thnx for the Riffing example.
    I like it bc it attaches feelings to my body.

    I will riff, but I am not sure if I will post them here, bc I always kinda want to show off here (hence also the Drama) of how well I am using the Tools….

    While I think I should be doing it just for me.
    On the other hand, your Siren responses do help me too…

    XXX



  253.  #253Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 10:18 am

    From Rori

    The trick for us is to get so “aware” of our emotions – the patterns of them, what triggers them, how they morph and change and and shift, and how it feels to not so much “manage” them as “feel” them.
    And as that awareness grows – so does your faith in yourself. In other words – your self-esteem and self-respect can grow powerfully as you become aware of, accept, love and express your emotions on deeper and deeper levels.
    When you speak the word “feel” and use it as a channel to express what you feel – you’re working on “all burneres.”
    And the way to live with negative feelings that pushes a man away is to RESIST them.
    The way to live with negative feelings that BRINGS A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them.
    For now, try this:
    When you’re feeling “negative,” and you’re afraid your “vibe” will push a man away – notice what you do – notice if you start TALKING (what so many of us women do when we’re uncomfortable).
    Notice if you start all of a sudden getting “cheerful.”
    Notice if you suddenly start trying to make things “okay” in your mind and smile.
    Notice if you move TOWARD him – touch him, talk to him – in an effort to make the “bad” feelings go away.
    And then stop yourself. DON’T DO what you INSTINCTIVELY want to do to feel better.
    There’s a MUCH better way to feel better.
    SINKING IN feels like this: It feels like you just “give up.” You just give up on trying to hold back the feeling.
    Usually – when we stop holding back, all kinds of things happen – most often with results that aren’t what we wanted. It’s like a rubber band you’ve been pulling and pulling apart until it reaches maximum tension and then you let go and SNAP – it flies (and usually hits our man right in the face).
    So try this: instead of “letting go” and letting fly, hang onto yourself in a simple way – don’t DO anything – just give up trying to hold it back. This way, the “rubber band” just returns to its limp, graceful shape without a reaction that creates a whole new set of issues and moments and feelings for you to deal with.
    As you “go limp” and “give up” you’ll feel a whole bunch of things loosen in your body. Your shoulders will drop down, and what might have felt like an iron grip around your heart will lighten up a bit.
    Now, let’s say you – like I was – are stuck in a car, or in a restaurant, or in a room with your man, and you can feel your resistance tightening in your shoulders and in your heart, and you feel like talking to relieve the pressure.
    Step 1 – You notice what’s happening.
    Step 2 – You do NOTHING
    Step 3 – You FEEL whatever feelings you’re feeling, give up trying to hold the feelings back, and sink into them – as though those feelings are your deepest friends (they are).
    Step 4 – Now you use Feeling Messages to communicate with your man, and we’ll talk about that next



  254.  #254Mel on September 30, 2011 at 10:21 am

    248: Now THAT is the best piece of advice I’ve heard all day Lyka!

    LMAO!!!



  255.  #255tinque on September 30, 2011 at 10:25 am

    mlc – One day at a time, one moment at a time even.

    You must take care of you though. This is crucial.

    xxoo



  256.  #256tinque on September 30, 2011 at 10:29 am

    You do have advice to give after all Lyka. You see…

    xxoo



  257.  #257Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Tinque – #250:

    “Their peepees talk to them ALL the time, several times a day. Most women turn them on.

    I cannot imagine what they have to do to gain perspective on this and learn how to ignore many of these incessant urges.”

    Right, this is something I’ve never really considered. I will have to discuss that with F and get his point of view.

    I just Googled this:

    “Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of “The Female Brain,” is correct. She writes in her book that men think about sex every 52 seconds, while women tend to think of it just once a day. If men are thinking about sex more frequently than once a minute, how do they get any work done?”

    LOL!

    And then, there’s that:

    “Even if women aren’t thinking about sex as frequently as men, they are thinking about their sex appeal.”

    Interesting…



  258.  #258mlc on September 30, 2011 at 10:33 am

    Thank you Tinque. He and I both agree that it has to be dealt with one day at a time. And we both know he has to go through this journey and can’t avoid the emotions (something that goes against his military training). He realized this though when his son moved and he was in his house all alone with his thoughts. I even get that he may still need to date to see what’s out there. And though this hurts, I know it may need to be done. So I will continue dating as well. We both know there are no guarantees. I’m wondering if anyone has experienced this and had the relationship work out the way you wanted it to. We got so close so fast and then we needed to back up a bit. Can the relationship get back to where it was before? Do these things ever work out? I just don’t know how to proceed.



  259.  #259Lyka on September 30, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Tinque, that’s because I work in a sex shop and I get to test a few vibrators several times a day! 😉

    Speaking of work, I have to get ready to go do just that soon. But before I do, I want to sincerely thank all of you who helped me get back on my feet. I feel a lot better now.

    xxoo



  260.  #260Starla on September 30, 2011 at 10:42 am

    Ladies I am sorry to spazz out on something unrelated but I feel so excited and I have to tell someone (anyone but one of my CDs! Haha)

    I have been searching for the perfect desk…one that isn’t terribly imposing as a desk and more just part of the room. And at the same time, I have been trying to get rid of this black antique travel trunk to make room for the desk.

    It just occurred to me that I can convert this thing into an awesome desk by turning it on its side and installing some legs under it to raise it up (like a low profile sideboard), and then some folding legs into the lid of the box (which is hinged) and have a fold out desk whenever I need it that stows as a simple sideboard with storage inside! This is way cooler than any desk I can find on the market, and serves every single one of my needs! I can’t wait to make this awesome custom desk! And I’m so glad I get to keep this beautiful trunk that I thought was useless until now.



  261.  #261GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Omg, this offering/sharing from Rori is beyond gold… imo this is pure liquid platinum.

    Rori, I feel the desire to somehow make a bunch of money quickly and buy everything you’ve ever made… and just send you donations as a thank you.

    This stops me *just* in time before I do all the “doings” that a) I feel compelled to do as described here (which I’m realizing would be unhealthy, and b) say the angry/defensive/critical/scared words that NSM pulls out of me by insisting on pushing me to the wall to say everything that’s on my mind etc. He has been acting quite toxic (and very immature imo)lately… I don’t want to be with this person he is, and miss the way things used to feel in the (sporadic yet often lengthy) good times… had a few good moments night before last, but then back to toxicity the next day.

    Hoping I can find all that good with someone else, yet feel it is so individually connected w NSM & his very unique and awesome traits, and the parts of us that compliment, that I can’t even imagine that. No one around here I wanna CD with… but I’m becoming willing to anyway. So at least that willingness is good.

    Time to move on… at least emotionally, since I cant leave physically at this time… and really am beginning to get the hang (slowly) of taking care of me… regardless… in honesty… in various ways.



  262.  #262mlc on September 30, 2011 at 10:57 am

    i need help with the sad feelings i have when i think he may need to see other people. even though i know he has to do what he has to to.



  263.  #263marina on September 30, 2011 at 11:22 am

    I feel so angry. I want to scream and pull out my hair.
    I feel this big big rage inside my stomach. It is burning and getting bigger and bigger. I feel the energy going up to my throat and I can feel that it wants to go out and I just want to scream sooo hard that the neighbours on their balcony will think I am going mental, LOL

    I feel so angry at BF4 at not giving me what I want.
    I feel so angry about finding out what happened. I feel so angry that I had to let him go.I want him to be in my life. I want to have him.I felt safe knowing I had him. I could say I was with him.

    I have lost that now and that feels so terrible.
    I feel I have nothing left. No job. No BF. I don’t want to see my friends bc I feel like such a loser around them. esp when they try to talk to me about what I want and all I want to see is. I don’t know. Leave me alone! Let’s talk about something else!

    I feel so angry BF4 doesn’t show me what I WANT!
    I want to feel loved by him. I want him to tell me how pretty I am. I want him to hold me in his arms and kiss me.
    I want to feel special. I want him to tell me I am special and I am the one for him.
    I want him to see me. I want him to look in my eyes and tell me how special I am.
    That is what AmericanNavyFling did first time that we met and I liked that so much!

    I feel my hands cringe and want to hold them in front of my face. I want to pull back tears.
    I feel hot tears burning in my eyes and I don’t want to give up, I don’t want to surrender. I want to feel strong and not show how I really feel.
    I feel my shoulders get more stiff.I don’t know what to do.

    I think I should tell my shoulders it is OK to be stiff and I think I should say I love them. But I want to laugh that away. HAHA. Bc I think it sounds silly.I feel so silly trying to get to my feelings.
    I feel so silly writing it down here.
    I know it ‘ works’ bc it helped me before.
    But I don’t know how to make it work again.

    And I feel frustrated. I want it to be solved. Quick.
    I don’t want to put effort. I don’t think I will succeed and I feel like such a loser.
    I feel sad.

    I feel so tired.
    I want to give up.
    I feel I am standing here with my arms open.
    But there is no one there to give me a hug.
    I feel scared.
    That no one wants to give me a hug.
    I feel so alone.
    I think I am ugly and selfish and not doing any good for no one.

    I feel so frustrated bc it feels so silly and I want to get out and get food.
    Whoa, my feet tingle and want to walk away.
    Yes! I FEEL that!
    I feel my body!

    My shoulders feel tired of holding everything.

    I want to cry now.
    I really want to cry now and feel real tears.
    Sniff.

    I feel nauseous.

    I don’t want to cry bc the neighbours will hear me.

    I feel cold.
    I want to put on some warm clothes.
    I am going to get some food.
    My hands want to stop typing.

    I think I need to babystep through this.
    I love me.
    Gosh I feel so hungry!!!



  264.  #264marina on September 30, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Sigh.



  265.  #265mlc on September 30, 2011 at 11:31 am

    me too marina.



  266.  #266Sweetpea on September 30, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Holy cow! I’m crying tears of joy! I’m so thankful for Rori. I feel blessed.

    I dreamed right before I woke up (it woke me up, actually) that I just got the news that my mom had just passed and I was looking for someone to comfort and support me. There were people there I know, but I might as well have been invisible. I woke up feeling sad, abandoned and alone, just like I did after her actual passing, I repressed those feeings.

    I did some journaling and quickly got to the underlying feeling that no one would ever love me again. Feeling liberated and grateful for having found Rori and this blog, without which (and all the soul and self-work I’ve learned to do) I don’t know when, if ever, I would have gotten so deep into my feelings. Muah!!!



  267.  #267GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 11:44 am

    @65 Marina & mlc I relate and feel often what you describe here… thanks for putting all this into words, so well, wow.

    Maybe you’ll get the benefit of the man you love acting like a weird jerk, and it’ll make it easier… like what’s happening for me.

    What is in the water these days… ? Hugs to you both.



  268.  #268GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 11:46 am

    I mean #265…



  269.  #269mlc on September 30, 2011 at 11:47 am

    i hate you universe. i am so angry with you.

    why did you bring me so far and then dangle a carrot in front of my face.

    why did you take half of it away.

    why do you make me make hard decisions all my freaking life…

    why can’t you be nice to me ever

    i try really hard to do the right thing

    i did everything right this time

    i hate you universe

    i want to punch you in the stomach just like you did me and make your breath go away just like you took mine away

    my stomach hurts and i have tears in my eyes all afternoon

    i want you to feel as bad as I feel



  270.  #270Starla on September 30, 2011 at 11:50 am

    woooo! MLC goooooooo:!!



  271.  #271Susan on September 30, 2011 at 11:57 am

    I have a question, and I am asking anyone who would like to answer. Has anyone experienced a man they are exclusively dating expressing odd little fears about the relationship? Sweet Man has always seemed so confident and now I am hearing frequent admission of fears – mostly having to do with not wanting to disappoint me. I’m not sure if I should reassure him or not.

    I’ll give an example: Last night we were on the phone and he complained the millionth time that we live too far apart. I own my home and he is in an apartment so if anyone is moving, it’s him. I always agree – it is a long drive on freeways that are under construction and it’s a pain in the sit-upon. He said it was a good thing we didn’t live closer. I asked why. He said then we would have gotten closer faster and seemed nervous about that idea so I asked if he was concerned he’d get tired of me and he said, “No. Just the opposite.” He is afraid I’d get tired of him. From another guy, that wouldn’t seem odd, but from him it does.

    Does anyone have a guess as to why a formerly uber confident man would start to act somewhat fearful like this?



  272.  #272GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 11:57 am

    I am benefitting very much & am able to focus, ground, feel free, clear & present bc of Rori’s teaching that we don’t need to get closure. No need for that drama actually… yes, closure is one more kind of drama.

    That is helping me a LOT! No telling how things can shift or manifest at any given time… many possibilities are open, and willing to be explored. Almost anythng is possible… and even though NSM might not get un-toxic, and even though I can’t really imagine being with anyone else, even just staying in the mindset that anything can happen, anything, with no judgments or attachments… is making me able to function. |smile|



  273.  #273marina on September 30, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Oh and I also feel angry at my employer bc I lost my job.

    Now I have to put myself out there in the world!

    And it felt so comfortable and easy to martyr myself in staying in a job. That was really not satisfying me. But I could just complain about how unhappy I felt about it.

    Uhoh, staying in that job was also masculine energy I suppose.

    Instead of the feminine walking away. ‘I don’t like it here. This job doesn’t make me feel good about myself. I cannot really be me or put the best of me in here. I tried, but haven’t found a way. So I am going to take care of myself and look for a better place.’

    My girl part doesn’t like it here. So my boy part is taking action to take care of her and find something better. Is that how I should see it?

    Hmmmm.

    Interesting.

    I have been without a job for a couple of months now. At first I felt so happy to be away there. I thought I should see it as a chance, as a fresh new start.

    I thought they might have chosen to fire me bc of my passive aggresiveness of showing how much I resented the job.
    But by now they have fired half of the company.
    Then I thought. I wish it had been my own choice to leave and not theirs to fire me.

    And now I know I should take the time to find out what I really want. But I don’t allow myself to really do so. I come up with excuses and 1000 other things that need my attention. Household chores etc.

    If I could just babystep myself through that too.
    I know if I start with 5 minutes I can do it!

    And I would love to be part of a mastermind group of other people who want to pursue their dreams but need some motivation and stimulation and cheering…
    I am going to see if some of my friends would like to be part of that group too.



  274.  #274Starla on September 30, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Susan, maybe answer with a feeling message. “i feel surprised hearing that! It feels so good to be with you!”

    ?



  275.  #275GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    #273 Susan Yes! I have definitely experienced this, with a past love whi is now a good friend (and still loves me, but it wouldn’t be able to work imo). It was as if he was moving into allowing himself to be vunlerable at that time, and he started saying things like, “I know the other shoe is going to drop & you’ll leave me… why would you want to be with me… ” and that asically he was not good enough for me etc. As well as other things.

    And yes, it was quite startling against the background of his uber confidence, although as a counselor-type, he was also always rather comfortabl eexpressing vulnerability, just not good at dealing with it.



  276.  #276GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    #@76 Starla That feeling message seems very good imo.



  277.  #277Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Susan have you checked yourself to see if you have fears about the relationship? Emotions are contagious.

    I also understand that every time a man gets to a new level of commitment that he needs to process he most likely has to deal with his own resistance to it.



  278.  #278GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    #275 Marina I feel for what you’re experiencing right now… lots of shifting going in the world…?



  279.  #279GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    #279 FW Right on to all you said!



  280.  #280GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    #273 Susan I’d focus on sublte brief but sincere FMs about how much you like being with him, stay independent, and let him know each time he does something right. It’ll build his confidence imo, and relieve his fears… I think this happens when the man thinks very highly of the woman (which is of course good) and he begins to see his flaws and how he *really* wants to be with her, is moving closer to forever feelings, & as men always fear he might screw it up bc this is really serious now, etc.



  281.  #281marina on September 30, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Wow MLC!



  282.  #282GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    #271 mlc YESSSSS!!!!!!!!! This is what I’ve been feeling also… I feel bereft much of the time.



  283.  #283Starla on September 30, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Posting this instead of looking at his facebook
    detoxing from man crack



  284.  #284GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    #262 Starla That is really awesome (desk) and I’m glad you shared it here… it feels so good when something like that happens and you can do it… I love that feeling too!



  285.  #285Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    RE 282 well said gingersky



  286.  #286marina on September 30, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    GingerSky280
    Yeah, a lot of shifting…perhaps the times are changing and our current economic system is shifting into a new one, but I am no expert on economy!

    Some of my friends and of course a lot of my former colleagues lost their jobs too, it does make feel like we are all in the same boat kinda.



  287.  #287GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    #253 Tinque Just listening to someone is huge… yes, it truly is. Really huge… hugemongous in fact.



  288.  #288marina on September 30, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    Oh dear Sirens it feels goooooood to be back here!
    😀



  289.  #289GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    #3 FW Thanks for all this posting… really good… needed…

    I need to now take care of me, study and make this wisdom here second nature, and advance my career… *before* I get involved with any men again… although I need touch, and all that comes with a relationship… I must actually grow to *not be* needy before I can come across like I’m not needy. Men always feel what’s under the surface, esp the kind of men I like.

    I’ve got lots of work to do. Will have to get lotsa massages to get my touch needs met…? I know it helps. I’ve done everything wrong about half the time or more with NSM… that mixed w him being a weird and (semi?) toxic man is not workable.

    Oh, well, I’m always with me. And that’s where the changes begin… and I don’t want to do it like its a big old project — that vibe cuts off the heart energy of it all. Just wanna ease into the depthful changes… have a headache & gotta go give a (unpaid) massage soon… love to all Sirens.

    Life hurts. I will be okay.



  290.  #290Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    RE 291 Life hurts.

    Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones.



  291.  #291GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    #288 Marina Yeah… bc of my job, I have a finger on the pulse of the economy somehow… massage clients talk about their lives, their layoffs, stresses, etc. And I know their economic situations. It’s like this all around lately.

    People need love, and listening, and non-judgment…



  292.  #292Ella on September 30, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Hey Sirens,

    So I have been getting regular, more than daily texts from new CD. And I was starting to feel tired of texts so I said “…It might feel good to talk to you on the phone. I start to feel disconnected with too much text after a while!. What do you think. x”

    That was this morning.

    Since then NOTHING.

    Sigh.

    So far everytime I have expressed a boundary the man has disappeared!



  293.  #293mlc on September 30, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    i’m also furious because i have tried SOSOSOSS hard to see the lesson is everything i have done and all the relationships i have had and i truly believe i have done the work.

    and with this new relationship i even SAIDDDDD the right things and ASKEEEDDD the right questions and make a CONSCIOUS DECISION to believe what i was told and be vulnerable and receive everything i ever hoped for and dreamed of.

    and in fact i do believe everything was absolutely as he and i both thought and felt it was.

    but then the stupid idiot universe has to TEST ME ONE MORE FREAKING TIME.. and not only do i just get a regular test, i get a really complicated “advanced placement” test where everything is going along just like i thought it would and just like my bf thought it would, and then boom…emotions from life events crop up and scare him…and he backs up….and i understand how he feels and i am not angry with him, i feel protective of him…because this is hurting him and confusing him and causing him to doubt himself which he has never ever done.

    i am furious with the universe for doing this to us…

    and i want to hit my bf on the head with my magic wand really hard to knock the sense into him that he had in the beginning.

    so guess what universe, i get it….even the hard tricky stuff…i get it….go f yourself now.



  294.  #294marina on September 30, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    hi GingerSky,

    Oh, you sound like such a wonderful upbeat person.

    I feel sad to read ‘Life hurts’ …
    I think life is wonderful actually…

    XXX



  295.  #295GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    #291 FW It works in reverse for me as I said to you the other day… I dont; post that kind of honest comment to make someone else feel bad… if I am to feel whole, I have to feel *all* my feelings… living in denial *really* hurts lol.

    Life hurts inmany ways right now, and to say that erleases it for me. Now I can get grounded and begin to feel good. It’s not even “venting” exactly, but connecting honestly with what feels true for me, and how I know I can handle that. I am opposed to switching feelings without feeling them first, but this is not the same as spiralling downward into an endless well of bad feelings for no purpose. It is in fact the opposite of that, for me anyway.

    Thanks for your words though… it feels like opposition, or like someone is asking me to choke in my real feelings, or correcting/criticizing me for them and asking me to act fake and not let the feelings be felt & not ground and get traction bc it’s uncomfortable for them to hear. And those are *my* stories of it… my childhood expereinces projecting in to the present. I *choose* to feel what is real for me ni *this* moment… to authentically expereince so I can move past. I don’t need life to be a wonderland, only to be real (most of the time, and am trying to be more real all the time).

    I feel and hold no animosity toward what you said, but I wantred to respond honestly to your comment. I will continue to choose what feels real for me bc otherwise it feels like death. My feelings feel like life. So I receive your words as the really good and deep care they are meant as (in my story) and thank you 😉 I receive that and it feels good! xo



  296.  #296Daria on September 30, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    mlc – oops, this may be what is tripping you up “nd i understand how he feels and i am not angry with him, i feel protective of him…because this is hurting him and confusing him and causing him to doubt himself which he has never ever done.”

    Rori teaches that whenever we go the “understanding how he feels route” … we lose. His attraction for us goes down as does his motivation to step up. And ironically, it makes him feel less masculine… which is why his attraction towards us goes down



  297.  #297Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    HOW TO RESPOND WHEN SHE’S DATING SEVERAL GUYS

    If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you’ve long since realized that I strongly advocate dating several women at once. Life is way too short to be a “serial dater”.

    You’ve got to learn quickly what it is you actually desire in a woman and how to evaluate whether a particular woman fits the parameters or not. Otherwise, you’re likely to settle for less
    than who you really want in your life.

    That’s a solid plan, and I’ve shared with you in the past (particularly in The Leading Man) how you can be perfectly up-front and honest with women about your plans and intentions when dating multiple women.

    And women will often respond in a reasonable manner as long as they’re told the truth.

    But here’s the tricky part.

    While a shockingly high percentage of the women you date will actually choose to date no guys other than you–even after they know where you stand–there are also bound to be women who are not only reserving their right to date other guys…they’re ACTING on it.

    That’s their prerogative outside of an exclusive relationship with you, of course. But even so, it’s not always the easiest thing to deal with psychologically–especially when she starts talking about it openly, right?

    So what do you do when this happens?

    Let’s break down the possibilities.

    For starters, most guys who feel like they’ve been hit by a truck upon hearing that a woman is dating multiple guys are usually coming from a perspective of having LIMITED OPTIONS.

    Now, I fully get that it takes time to go from having marginal success with women to having that full slate of 4-6 of them in your life that I often talk about.

    So things can get particularly dicey if you REALLY like a woman who is sitting across from you, she’s the ONLY woman you happen to be dating at the moment, AND THEN she casually mentions something
    about another guy she is seeing.

    Your first thought may be to find out as much about the other guy as you can.

    What does he look like? What kind of job does he have? What kind of car does he drive?

    And if you lack personal discipline enough to suppress your curiosity in this regard, you’ll go ahead and blurt out such questions.

    But in doing so, you’ll betray your insecurities. After all, you’ll be obviously attempting to sort out possible comparisons with him in your mind–probably, as human nature would have it, according to your own limiting beliefs.

    In other words, if you think your car sucks, that’s when you’re most likely to ask about his.

    Bad idea.

    It’s an even WORSE idea to try to qualify yourself by asking boneheaded questions like, “So do you like me better?” Ouch.

    Deep down, I think most of us who have spent any time improving our skills with women fully realize that responding in the manner I’ve just delineated spells certain doom.

    Nonetheless, some guys just can’t help themselves from doing it.. just like some women can’t help asking such questions when they find out YOU’RE dating other women.

    Nevertheless, we instinctively know that there’s a MUCH BETTER way to respond.

    That would be to conduct oneself with pure confidence, perhaps responding to her mention of another guy with something to the efect of, “Well, you SHOULD be dating other guys. I’m really glad
    you aren’t going to be one of those women who falls in love after a week and gets all clingy…I’m getting kind of sick of that. It’s good that we can just enjoy each other’s company.”

    But that takes A LOT of intestinal fortitude. It’s “advanced
    level” stuff to pull off the RIGHT WORDS in that situation backed
    by the RIGHT ATTITUDE.

    Unless you REALLY ARE dating multiple women and REALLY ARE almost
    relieved that she isn’t getting the female version of “one-itis”,
    you’re going to risk coming off as inauthentic.

    And we all want to avoid that, of course.

    So given the two options–utter neediness vs. calling the situation
    out with confidence…”what do most guys do?

    Well, unfortunately, they usually opt for the “hidden” third option.

    They do NOTHING.

    That’s right…they either stick their head in the sand like an
    ostrich, or they go into total denial.

    This is usually characterized by a rapid subject change, a sudden
    excuse to go to the men’s room, or an awkward silence on the phone.

    Once the initial pain or uneasiness of the news is over, we tend to
    slog through the rest of the interaction. And she’s happy to
    oblige.

    So…guess what?

    While most guys recognize that they DO NOT want to appear “needy”
    by asking a bunch of dumb questions, what they DON’T realize is
    that by avoiding the issue altogether they actually come off AS
    BADLY or EVEN WORSE than if they had become Dr. Clingy McNeedy.

    Why?

    Because instead of at least taking the bull by the horns and finding out what’s up, avoidance or denial portrays you as a hopelessly passive man who is either unwilling or unable to face a challenge.

    Plus, you’re likely to start running through all the possibilities in your head. You’ll picture her with that other guy. You’ll imagine that other guy as being some sort of stud in every way you perceive yourself NOT to be.

    Basically, you’ll drive yourself NUTS laying awake at night.

    All the while, had you responded from a position of strength as we discussed before, she may have ended up volunteering to you that the other guy wasn’t as high a priority as you are to her.

    But by avoiding the issue altogether instead, you’ll never know for sure.

    Next stop? Total loss of attraction on her part.

    No wait, check that.

    The NEXT STOP would probably be her MANIPULATING you at will for some fixed period of time, FOLLOWED by total loss of attraction on
    her part.

    After all, you will have failed to deploy when it comes to ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that represents true masculinity from a woman’s perspective.

    Here’s a hint: Passivity and denial are pretty much the antitheses of courage and character.

    So the next time you find out that a woman you are attracted to is dating other guys, what are you going to do?

    Asking needy questions is OUT of the question, of course.

    And pretending she never said anything is EVEN WORSE, as you now
    know.

    Instead, can you recognize that offering your approval to her dating other guys REALLY IS the best option, no matter if YOU are dating other women at the time or not?

    With that in mind, can operating as a man who perceives himself to have options become the preferred path to follow in these situations?

    And can you be AUTHENTIC in doing so, knowing the gravity of the alternatives?

    As counter-intuitive as it sounds, your confident approval of her dating others is actually your BEST CHANCE of becoming the one she ultimately favors.

    When she perceives you as having options, she’s more likely to accurately recognize that you are HER best option.

    Considering that a woman’s natural tendency is typically to want to keep the greatest man she has ever met in her life, you are WAY better off getting her to wonder how she’s going to earn your ultimate favor than giving her the impression that you are scrambling to compete for her.

    =====

    So how about it? Can you relate to what we talked about today?

    Have you ever found yourself focused on earning the attention of one woman…only to find out that she’s got options and you don’t?

    If so, rest assured that most, if not all of us as guys have been there.

    In fact, most of us have been through the manipulation and eventual disappointment that often comes from women having the upper hand in
    relationships.

    We try and try…only to fail at keeping her interested. In fact, it’s as if the more we “try and try”, the more likely it is that we WILL fail.

    The irony of it all…

    Meanwhile, the truth is that women don’t even WANT to have the “upper hand”. Instead, they want a man they can respect. And that’s a man who makes decisions with confidence and operates from
    a position of strength rather than from weakness.

    It’s all about deserving what you want and getting the success with
    women you’ve always known was possible.

    I’ll talk to you again soon…

    Be Good,

    Scot McKay (His wife Emily McKay also coaches women)



  298.  #298GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    #296 Life has been really hard for me… so what I said is like mlc saying she hates the universe. And the point is, I will be okay! Thanks. Blessings to you.



  299.  #299GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    #58 FW Ooooh, this is *so* good! (Is it CCarter?)



  300.  #300GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Oh, its from Evan, cool.



  301.  #301marina on September 30, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Daria 289
    Yes!

    That is exactly what rang a bell in MLC’s comment but I couldn’t quite put in words why.



  302.  #302GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    #298 Daria Thanks for this… explains why NSM gets mad & acts kinda mean whenever I act unbderstanding about his feelings… yep. I get this, and tho I already did somewhat, I’ve never had enough of a handle of changing my habitual ways of relating.

    I still hafta deal with him in the work we do together etc… and in other ways… I have so much to learn… I been in 3rd grade with some of this wisdom, but now I gotta really change my internal self and habits to fit what is real and true about how interactions work. Habits… & how to change them… paradigm shifts… that’s my focus right now.

    Gotta get rid of this headache too.



  303.  #303mlc on September 30, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    #298 but I DO understand what he’s going through…it does not make it hurt any less. i will give him the space he needs, but i told him i would not be sitting around waiting for him to get his stuff together. we both agree and understand that there are no guarantees. How do i deal with him without making him feel emasculated?



  304.  #304Daria on September 30, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    oh… i feel so uncomfortable waah 🙁

    well the truth is i felt like jumping into the ‘life hurts’ thing

    and i am now feeling torn… between offering information

    it feels exciting to think it might feel inspiring

    and then awful and sad to think it might trigger someone to feel bad or shut down or oppressed

    so im feeling torn between offering that information and sharing my feelings instead

    i feel sad over the confusion over the life hurts thing

    i feel like getting hit with a gong seeing it

    like BANGGGGGGG that feels sad and scary to read!!!

    uhoh!

    i DO NOT HAVE TO step in and help anyone

    yes i can Do something,

    but i don’t have to do anything

    i feel helpless!!

    i feel so mad at the blog right now

    it feels like looking at a swampy pit that would drag down my energy

    i feel unsafe!

    🙁

    i feel angry

    i feel sad

    i feel sad and depleted

    and i love my sadness and depletion\

    i feel my insides churning

    i feel glad i have access to the difference between a belief and a feeling in a way that helps me choose what feels good

    i feel panicked that others don’t seem to to me

    i feel turny tummy and so guilty. i feel afraid of being thought of as judgemental. i feel ashamed!!!

    i feel overwhelmed

    i feel like spitting all this stuff up out of my tummy!!!

    Jet plane tool!

    sigh

    yawn

    i feel a bit relieved

    i still feel terrified i still managed to include thoughts and squelch on others

    i don’t feel safe!!!

    roll had back

    i love my unsafe feelig

    yawn

    im so sorry for making someone wrong

    i wish it felt safe to share Rori tools without worry of making someone wrong

    i wish i didn’t have a habit of doing that

    i want to forgive myself

    im all in my head!

    ha!

    hahaaa!

    i don’t have to do anything

    this was a great babystep



  305.  #305Daria on September 30, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    mlc – it sounds like you’re dealing with it well, i just wouldn’t go into “his business” – guessing or assuming what he’s thinking or feeling (I felt uncomfortable and worried seeing a lot of “we think, we feel,” in your posts)

    i would instead be clear how *I* feel and what *I* don’t want.

    this will help him ‘step up’ if he’s the kind of man who can



  306.  #306Daria on September 30, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    but most importantly it would help ME create the relationship *I* want with a man who can



  307.  #307Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    when i said “dealing with it well” i was referring to putting the focus on you and not waiting around for him to decide, but instead Circular Dating and taking GREAT care of yourself



  308.  #308marina on September 30, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    dear Sirens,
    I have a question:

    Is anyone of you familiair with the Journey by Brandon Bays?
    Any experiences?

    I would love to find a way to heal my headache (will see a neurologist next week also).

    Just found out Brandon Bays will be in NL to give a Journey Intensive and I am wondering if it will be worth my time and money…

    Thnx!
    XXX



  309.  #309mlc on September 30, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    i know how he feels because he is very good at communicating his feelings…refreshing right?!! one of the things i love about him. He is honest about his feelings even through his confusion. do i stay with him through the confusion, do i let him work it out on his own without me, which i’m inclined to do? i don’t know…i don’t know how to proceed in a way that will get us to where we had talked about wanted to be before this cropped up.



  310.  #310Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    experiment:

    GingerSky – sorry if this is harsh or comes as making you wrong…

    in my understanding
    “life hurts” is a belief, and while of course you have ‘evidence’ to back it up, our minds notice evidence to back up EVERY belief we have

    and it can be shifted and our mind will find new evidence to back up the new beliefs. “life hurts” is not a belief that is conducive to love, or living a lovely happy life.

    the Feelings around that – are different than the belief, and it’s very healing to express them – might be… well for me they would be

    i feel… overwhelmed, helpless, hopeless, sad, blobby, desperate, etc…

    having said that, for me, i would like to shift this belief of “life hurts” because i do have it show up for me too



  311.  #311mlc on September 30, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    #309…i understand what you’re saying. and i appreciate your help. i am definitely doing the cding. the day he told me he was confused and thought we should see other people i reactivated my profile on a dating site and added pix. I had a dinner date tues night. went to a retirement reception full of male attys wed night, a lunch date thursday and a date with bf thursday night. i am going to a college football game and dinner saturday with someone else.

    i am really trying here.

    but all the while i am wanting thing to work out with bf. i want what i know we have together, i want what we talked about. i want him to be able to skip through this experience, but i know he can’t. it is very very hard to know what to do.



  312.  #312marina on September 30, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    I think I will first try and find her book tomorrow 🙂



  313.  #313Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    mlc – that’s great that he’s open about his feelings, and you feel refreshed this way

    im not sure that i would feel good with a man who talked about his feelings a lot, i might feel turned off, unless it was his feelings about how much he adores… ME

    I would still take great care that i’m not ‘going there’ into his business. what he felt a second ago might be different from what he feels the next second, etc. assuming that i know whats going on with him is not helpful from what Rori teaches

    according to my understanding of Rori’s material, what I would do is tell him i love him and I would love for him to be the man for me, and he can take all the time he wants to decide, but he can’t have me all to himself while he’s doing that – VERY IMPORTANT FOR CREATING ATTRACTION

    and that i will start to accept coffee dates, and remain intimate wiht just him (if that’s what *I* wanted).. because the relationship I want is important to me and i feel more comfortable having my options open for a man who wants and can offer that to me now

    and I would start to Circular Date… RIGHT away, with the intent of healing myself and my patterns that don’t serve me… and I would also get all involved in creating a wonderful fulfilled life for myself, with activities and work and friends i love

    and i would allow him to date me if he asks, just like the other men, until he steps up with a proposal and a ring and a plan



  314.  #314Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    that’s great that you are Circular Dating mlc!

    use all the tools you have here, to shift your mind gently off of him, and onto you…

    the put him on your horse tool, the hundred men exercise, the visualizing your ideal relationship, and whatever sings to you



  315.  #315Susan on September 30, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Thank you to everyone who answered.

    I don’t think this is my fear reflecting back through him. This seems specific to him. He does seem to be getting more deeply committed. He says little things when he thinks I’m not listening closely that indicate he is taking ‘us’ very seriously. I just hope he doesn’t talk himself out of it…



  316.  #316Senior lady Vibe on September 30, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    @237: marina

    I’ve read lots of your posts and I think of you as an interesting and intriguing person, kind of sexy and I bet you’re cute too. Do you think maybe you are wiser today than you were six years ago? I believe most of us are if we are living in the world, doing worldly kind of things.

    How about giving yourself a hug and some kindness? Using your wisdom, starting over with some new CDs, taking it from there and being easy on yourself?

    It’s good to see you here on the blog.

    😀

    xoxo



  317.  #317Senior lady Vibe on September 30, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    @240: marina says:
    “…Yes, these are my lips…”

    Cute lips too! You can’t lose. 😉

    xoxo



  318.  #318mlc on September 30, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    I would still take great care that i’m not ‘going there’ into his business. what he felt a second ago might be different from what he feels the next second, etc. assuming that i know whats going on with him is not helpful from what Rori teaches

    I do not understand this. I already know his business. He is going through huge life stressors…I don’t assume it…I already know it. I try really hard to stay away from assumptions. That’s part of the reason why we communicate so well. If I don’t thoroughly understand something, I ask about it. And he is good with making sure things are understood. And vice versa. Excellent communication is one of the basics of what we each want from a long term relationship. I feel really good and comfortable with our communication skills.

    I did tell him exactly that….he cannot (and does not) expect me to sit around waiting for him to clear his head.

    The intimacy thing is confusing to me. We waited to become intimate until we knew each other very well. Now it feels weird to me to know that we may each be seeing other people, but that we are seeing each other too and that we will still be intimate. that issue hasn’t come up yet, but it will be weird and uncomfortable.

    This situation is just now happening. So i dont really have much experience with it.



  319.  #319Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    RE 313 mlc your comments reminded me of Neale Donald Walsch in Conversations with God where he says “your wanting creates you wanting”. How about focussing your mind on the feelings connnected to the good experiences and just keep recreating that. Think of how you felt the last time he said or did something that made your heart sing or had you feeling all goey and melty and just focus on those feelings. Wanting sometimes connote in my mind a child grabbing at something from another child, like stealing something they have. I now choose words like “I am ready to allow———-into my life”.



  320.  #320Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    ugh i feel super judgemental towards myself again



  321.  #321Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    Excellent communication is used in business also. Sharing his feelings like that could be like a patient in front of a therapist.



  322.  #322marina on September 30, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    SLV 318 & 319

    Ahw, that is so sweet of you! Thankyou!
    I feel warm inside and my shoulders start to hurt less 🙂
    Really feels like someone gave me a big warm hug!

    Yes, I think I am a wiser person than 6 years ago and I am really thankful for what I have learned with BF4.

    I feel very happy to see you here too! 😀
    XXX



  323.  #323Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    mlc – the stuff about “his business” is in Rori’s book towards the end

    basically for me its about not taking MY THOUGHTS and thinking about what is/may be going on with him

    even if i know what it is, even if he has shared stuff with me

    if i stay grounded in focusing on me and what i feel, i am what Rori calls “leaning back” mentally – i create attraction and allow him the space to act from his masculinity



  324.  #324English Woman on September 30, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    OK Ladies/Sirens need some help here to INFORM a man about what he needs to do to keep the embers fanning into flames of desire LOL!

    I have 2 CD’s asking what I want…….

    Well what I want is a step up man, an Alpha male who takes charge and just gives me what I desire……..BUT BUT BUT……..how do you say that in a feeling message……????

    Like I want romance and love and caring and you want me more than you have ever wanted any woman in your life and I don’t want wishy washy men who are just meh?

    G*d is this so hard to find? Feeling a little meh tonight sorry ladies/Sirens



  325.  #325mlc on September 30, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    #323 yes, i think he does see me as a sounding board.



  326.  #326English Woman on September 30, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    I feel bad that I want an alpha male……is that a bad thing?

    I am an alpha female I suppose 🙁 and I want a manly man to take charge of me…..not in an abusive way but I do need a real man to rein me in lol!!

    And soooo many of these online men are so much more feminine than me, it feels bad………..

    NEED some Love Scripts here ladies to deal with them all…………….



  327.  #327Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    EW I would tell him about the type of relationship I want to create.



  328.  #328Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    i think what i need is a lot of acknowledgement and validation that i might not be giving myself

    it feels embarassing to post this and i’m going to

    thank you Daria for being here on the blog

    thank you for your awesome worded advice!

    thank you for saying just the right thing to inspire me

    it’s amazing how you’re never pushy, just enough of a gentle uplift to motivate me

    thank you for somehow having the awesome inspiration to not only melt my resistance but take my breath away and shift my perspective completely

    thank you for your healing words and energy

    WOW!

    that feels great!

    i gotta say this to myself! i want to appreciate myself!

    mm i love you self!

    big squeeze

    when i started appreciating what i Do for myself, ive been naturlaly doing more

    and this will help heal me too!!!



  329.  #329Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    EW – I would work on shifting myself towards more feminine ‘beta’ qualities. that really used to trigger my resistance back in the day but after having done a lot of practice i “get” it how it’s actually healthy and powerful for me

    the more i practice not competing with men, the more attraction i create… and , unlike what i thought, i feel good and MORE powerful



  330.  #330mlc on September 30, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Daria you are helpful to me. 🙂



  331.  #331Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    ” i feel good with a man who is masculine, romantic and in charge”



  332.  #332Senior lady Vibe on September 30, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    @192: Femininewoman

    After a bit, I figured you did… I’m trying to catch up again…
    😀

    xoxo



  333.  #333Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    mlc – aww thanks girl that made me feel all smily

    i actually felt guilty and kinda all separate from you and i wanted to apologize for coming off harsh .. it’s something im babystepping to changing

    well here;s something else Rori teaches, NOT to be a sounding board/friend/therapist for a man.

    he might encourage it actually – when he’s falling into his own triggered patterns – but giving in to it actually he feels less of a man inside and gets turned off romantically

    instead, we can outgirl him by leaning back even more and sharing our authentic feelings…

    like “ohh that doesn’t feel good to talk about” or “oh that feels sad”..”i don’t want to talk about that”..

    or “i feel kinda unheard, i don’t want the focus to not be on me” – this is one i made up for my own situation

    this feels scary for me to share with a man – fears of being thought of as insensitive and him leaving – … babysteps

    of course, we CAN listen, at level 2, and just say, oh, oh bummer, or yay, as appropriate… but not past where we feel uncomfortable and like its all about him

    No soundingboard



  334.  #334Starla on September 30, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    CD1’s phone is fixed (he could only receive calls and texts, not make them_, so he just texted me to say “poke”. That’s cute. But I’m not texting back because ummm what do i say to that. Plus I’m trying to clear my vibe up a bit. Anything I say back will just be an attempt to seem clever or get his attention. But I do love when he contacts me. Man crack. crackcrackcrackcrackcrack. My heart literally leaps for joy when i hear from him.

    And I need to take a chill pill. Taking care of me by shaving my legs in one minute. I have AWESOME legs.



  335.  #335Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Susan – i would say my TRUE feelings which would be “whoa that feels scary. whatsup”

    or “that feels icky 🙁 ”

    “that feels weird to hear, is there something i should know”

    that feels uncomfortable

    i don’t think you came on here to tell us how wonderful it felt to hear those things… so the authentic feelings would be something not so wonderful

    more stuff

    “whoa that feels bad baby, i don’t want to hear that”

    “ohh 🙁 pause… umm that feels weird… i feel kinda turned off… whats going on ?”



  336.  #336Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Starla – i would text back 🙂

    or … lol

    or … don’t know what to say lol



  337.  #337mlc on September 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Daria, I do not see you as harsh.

    Since our relationship is shifting I am going to try the “that’s really hard” tact.

    Today is the first day we have not communicated and it feels heavy in the pit of my stomach.

    We had such a nice time last night.

    I am not contacting him in any way, shape or form though.

    i am so sad about it.



  338.  #338Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    171 FW: You are definitely right, so I reworded what I wanted to say to be less angry. Instead I indicated that I felt offended when I was hung up on last night (he had upset her, and hung up on ME as a result – we on talking on webcam and they were talking via email I believe!!!!).

    I also told him I was stepping back to let him pursue her properly because I didn’t want to be around while that was going on.

    I then told him I thought the world of him and that I’d maybe still be around once he’d done what he needed to do.

    Maybe not the proper wording, but the message I needed to get across was that I felt unhappy with how things are, that I felt the need to step back to allow him to work through his stuff, and (if he’s lucky) I’d maybe be available when he was done chasing something he can’t have. Ok, I didn’t remind him (yet again) that she’s not interested in anything with him, but I was soooo tempted! 😛



  339.  #339Senior lady Vibe on September 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    It all depends upon where you’re standing…

    #197: Femininewoman says:
    “often not found anywhere else stuff”. Not true.
    <== True statement. As in it's true the quote is not true but…

    #198: Daria says:
    “often not found anywhere else stuff.” True.
    <== True for the person who hasn't found it elsewhere.

    I've read posts presenting ideas as original (suggesting astounding insight) ways of thinking, things I've already learned, sometimes long ago even taught by my parents. The words often form in my mind "Doesn't everyone know that?"

    I don't usually say this. But I do feel some frustration at times when judgments are made as a result.

    xoxo



  340.  #340Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    just some options i would use. not texting back might feel cool too.

    if it was me and i felt thrilled i would def go with “:)”



  341.  #341Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    EW, I like the alpha men too! Sadly, TH is one of those, but is infatuated with somebody else right now…. Time for me to step back and let him do what he needs to do!



  342.  #342Senior lady Vibe on September 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    I wore underwear as usual and when I returned to yuppie supermarket today I encountered a hostile old man. Yikes. I was all happy and then… HIM… I suppose it’s some sort of practice so I don’t let my vibe dim… but it did dim… for over an hour after…
    😥

    xoxo



  343.  #343mlc on September 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Right now it is all about him….that’s why I’m just going to step off. If he contacts me I will be my normal great self. If he wants to see me and I’m available I will go.

    I hate the universe for pushing me ahead two steps and then pulling me back one.



  344.  #344Daria on September 30, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    well its not true the quote is not true 🙂

    some of Rori’s stuff ideas are found elsewhere

    some of the inspirations for the ideas are found elsewhere

    OFTEN the actualy Rori stuff is not found elsewhere

    has anyone found a different Rori somewhere else that wrote Rori’s stuff? (the answer to this will be no).

    in addition, it’s

    hard to argue with “often” also. it’s subjective.

    end of somewhat scattered but logical argument



  345.  #345Daria on September 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    it wasn’t really that scattered.



  346.  #346Mel on September 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Hey Starla,

    So far so good for me… managed to get through the rest of the day! LOL

    Going out with different CD (architect) in a few minutes… that should help hopefully!

    What I wouldn’t give for one of those kisses right about now! lol crackcrackcrack…crackerjack. 🙂



  347.  #347Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    (((Ella))) When I find myself in a repeated situation, I look very closely at what I’m doing to attract these situations (not saying you’re at fault- just that maybe there’s a little tweaking that needs to happen to attract a different situation?).

    I would’ve stopped short at something more like “It would feel better to talk on the phone because texting takes so long/is too hard/whatever…what do you think? :)”.

    If somebody told me they were feeling disconnected from me because we were texting, I don’t know… I think I’d feel seriously like I’d done something really wrong to upset them. I wonder if a guy feels that way too, and hence retreats? I’m not sure. Just looking at things from my perspective.

    I really admire you Ella. You’ve put yourself out here on the blog to not only deal with your stuff, but I’m personally learning a LOT from you. You really have opened yourself up to be so vulnerable, and I really appreciate it because I see little bits of me in you and have tweaked a few things, based on what you’ve said or done. So thank you! And you’re definitely going to meet a wonderful man very soon, I just know it! How could you not, being the person you are? xx



  348.  #348Daria on September 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    omg this feels terrible.

    it feels like initially satisfying and soothing and then draining and scary

    i don’t want to argue against

    yes people arguing against me feels bad

    and i can’t control that

    i CAN control my arguing against them back

    and i’m super noticing it really doesn’t feel godo for me

    i feel unsafe after

    i fele like my throat is chokey

    i feel all judgemental towards them – well i feel that right away when i start feeling defensive

    ouch my shoulder

    umpf

    this is great!1 im noticing more and more how this feels!

    great job Daria!

    you do so much awesome work here!!

    you are an inspiration !! for ME!!!

    yay!!!

    i will definitely express my feelings cuz Daria does it!

    go Daria 🙂 you’re my inspiration!



  349.  #349Starla on September 30, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    k i tried the smiley response. gettin in the shower now



  350.  #350Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Mel you are so funny.



  351.  #351Starla on September 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    thanks for your help, daria. it gets so much harder when we start to fall for them



  352.  #352Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    RE 340 BW It might not have been perfect but I believe you did the best you know how when you were doing it. It will work out the way it is supposed to.



  353.  #353Starla on September 30, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Yay Mel! Good job! I haven’t looked at his facebook all day either. And I did lots of stuff to focus on me. Have fun on your date! Woah! I almost forgot that I am going out on my own date tonight! Cuz Crack Fix (my new name for CD1) is so on my mind! Anyway this guy is really great and I’m looking forward to meeting his friends at the awesome costume party he invited me to. And I tried on my costume and I look so adorable.



  354.  #354Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Yes FW. As it’s been said here a few times, you can’t say the wrong thing to the right man.

    He’s still here after many (and I mean MANY!!) of my outbursts, so that’s got to mean something I suppose.

    I know he has strong feelings for me – he’s said as much – but he also has strong feelings for her and I don’t want to be in that situation.

    Unfortunately, I’ve not specifically addressed this boundary so fiercely before. Poor TH. He’s got lots to think about today!

    In the meantime, I have both my babies home this weekend, so I will concentrate on spending time with and loving them! Soooo grateful to have them in my life – they’re so precious! 🙂

    Thanks Daria (I think it was you) for your insight too. xx



  355.  #355Daria on September 30, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    Yay Thanks ladies! wow! i start thanking myself and all these thank yous are pouring at me now!! yayyy! feels awesome!

    i will inundate myself with thank yous until i start feelign confident and letting them in and knowing im awesome and acknowledged and appreciated by msyelf and the world!!

    this rocks! thank you Daria for thinking of it



  356.  #356Daria on September 30, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    hey I was just doing some EFT on my shoulder hurting from me using the computer

    and i felt surprised and ahppy to notice i felt much mor e forgiving and compassionate than before

    i didn’t mean for my shoullder to hurt! i was just using the ocmputer, and yes i neglected my body’s signals, but i FORGIVE msyelf!

    usually i so resist that and feel all stuck and terrible!

    this is wonderful!

    the Daria acknowledgement is SOO working!!

    yesssS



  357.  #357marina on September 30, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Wow Daria, awesome!
    Feeling happy for you!

    I will try to think of this when I want appreciation and or gratitude or acknowledgement too!

    XXX



  358.  #358Daria on September 30, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Daria you are so not pushy and loving and compassionate! you are an awesome inspirational leader and you inspire with Kindness!!! thank you you are super inspiring ME!!!

    I love hearing from you, i love hearing YOU, i love it all it feels like fresh air with smells of leaves and like water that has been blessed with good vibrations….

    OMG thank you so much Daria!!



  359.  #359Daria on September 30, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    marina – thank you that feels good! yay!!! holding your hands and skipping around singing !!!



  360.  #360marina on September 30, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    😀



  361.  #361Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    I feel kind of apprehensive about what’s going to happen today. I’m ok with either outcome, but not so ok with waiting!!

    Hindsight is wonderful too – if only I’d said to him 18 months ago what I’ve said today. I would’ve saved myself a whole heap of heartache!

    LOVING Commitment Blueprint too btw (learning a LOT), and will go and watch some more now! 🙂



  362.  #362Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    Starla and Mel…yay ..I took a “personal” sick day on Wednesday..it felt good …you guys sound really good 🙂



  363.  #363GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    193 Daria You are so awesome imo. |hugs|



  364.  #364Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    So..this new CD and I are supposed to go to dinner tonight..he called and set it up on Sunday..but I haven’t heard from him ..we have a place and time…hmmm…I am starting to feel really cozy on my bed and I am starting to like the idea of staying home..I’d feel just as happy staying home waiting for Pipeliner to get here….

    Do I assume we are still meeting??



  365.  #365GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    #360 Daria I ditto that!



  366.  #366GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    #30 Chiquita I have experienced similar things to this… and doubtlessly done that to guys too… and right now with the mood I am in I can’t help but say, how boneheaded.

    I know some men who teach men how to treat women and not be so boneheaded. Good for them. May there be more of them.

    I’m not able to come out of judgment on this one right now, ak! I can do Byron Katie on it though… and still would like to know omeone could tell this man how that feels to you… can you do it…? I haven’t read down far enough to see if you did that yet.

    I hope you can & do… or just lean back and let it ride…?



  367.  #367GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    #299 I find some of this advice dishonest. This must be Evan… no offense to him but I often have mixed reactions to his advice.

    I would NOT like a man who did what is advised here… but FW, thanks or poasting. There’are other good things in here too.



  368.  #368GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    #350 Daria Imo all this is maing you stronger, more capable, more able to be a leader and be a help to others…

    …reminds me of having to defend your opinions in a college class. Makes you sharp and then you can relax back out of it and into your feelings…?

    Clas only lasts for a set time.



  369.  #369GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    #358 You are helping me sooo much.



  370.  #370Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Daria..you’ve helped me a lot too …even when I feel misunderstood…sometimes I misunderstand you and then later realize what you were talking about 🙂



  371.  #371GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    #328 EW You are/have clearly imo a “choleric” personality for the most part. Thats not bad of course, but it may make it a bit challenging to be in feminine energy and to find a man who’s “strong enough” for you.They’re out there tho… I kno wmen who perfer this strong kind of woamn and her kind of amazing traits 😉

    #330 Daria Such good advice.



  372.  #372Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    ok…I feel weird…I can honestly say I’ve never had this dilemma…setting up a time 5 days ago and not hearing from him..

    is it appropriate for me not to show up…

    I could pick up the slack…since I could really care less…or…why is he not wondering if I’m going to show or not??? ewwww that feels icky to think he would just assume without touching base at least..



  373.  #373Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    what is proper siren operating procedure on this scenario????? lol

    anyone?? 🙂



  374.  #374T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Jilly, that is a dilema! I don’t know what I would do. Maybe some people think that since you already made the date there is no need for confirmation?



  375.  #375Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    T-Girl!! you sound so good in the posts above!! yay I feel happy you are here! 🙂



  376.  #376T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    I think my assumption would be that if you already have the place and time picked out it is a date. Then when you get there you can give him a good feeling message about feeling weird not knowing if your date was still on or not?



  377.  #377T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Thank you for the awesome compliment Jilly!



  378.  #378GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Jilly, I don’t kow what Rori & Tinque et all would say, but if I set up a time 5 days ago, I wouldn’t expect to hear anything else from him.. I’d just go. If he wasn’t there I’d figure there was a miscommunication and not feel that bad about it (and if I did, i’d know I was seeking needily for someone else to make me feel good in the way I need to make myself feel instead. In some situations I am good at this stuff… it’s when I get really involved that my neediness comes out.)

    5 days is a tiny amount of time imo. Did you and he agree that it was a tentative and merely possible plan, and agree that he would contact you to conform etc? What if you don’t go and he does lol? What do you thnk/feel?



  379.  #379Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    thanks TGirl…ya my inner diva has been getting the best of me lately lol…I want a confirmation dammit!! 😉



  380.  #380T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    So I’m a little disappointed tonight that it will be the first Friday since I have been together with my guy that we won’t see each other. My daughter is having her friend spend the night so he told me to have a good “girl’s night”. I totally get that he wouldn’t want to come over but still sad and disappointed.



  381.  #381GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    confirm, i mean. Headache and upset feelings equal me typing badly lol



  382.  #382Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    and you are welcome!! 🙂



  383.  #383GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    #382 T-Girl I say a great chance to let him miss you, and if it was me, I’d *like* that he isn’t smothering me. Excellent… I give him an A!



  384.  #384Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    GingerSky…thank you 🙂 I don’t think I’ll feel bad if I go and he’s not there…just irritated to waste my time…but he seems like a really good guy…



  385.  #385GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    #381 Jilly LOL! Well, I give you a major A as well, for checking in with your Siren sisters to seek out the boundaries of divaness and dating! Brava!



  386.  #386T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Thank you GingerSky for flipping it for me 🙂

    I was letting my NV’s tell me that he doesn’t miss me enough to want to come over on a Friday night. But I know it isn’t true because we already have plans to spend the day together with the girls tomorrow. I will give him his time to prepare for a full day with 2 giggling girls.



  387.  #387GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    #386 Jilly You’re welcome. I totally get about the waste of time… maybe find something fun for yourself to do along the way, as Rori said in the recent blog about the woman travelling to NYC to meet her man? Do you have to drive far? (Dont answer if you’re busy getting ready lol)



  388.  #388Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    awww TGirl and GingerSky…((((hugs))) to both of you

    TGirl…how long has it been now?? and first Friday night? wow..that’s amazing

    GingerSky…hope you feel better



  389.  #389GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    #388 T-Girl Yep! And if it was a case of not missing you, then time without you is the cure anyway. I foresee a lovely day ahead for you and 2 giggly girls! xo



  390.  #390Jilly on September 30, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    well…this is our first date…so we are meeting for dinner (I never do dinner on a first date..but here I go lol)

    k I’m going to go get ready 🙂



  391.  #391T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    Jilly – it has been 4.5 wonderful months now. 🙂 Is it ok for a siren to feel like the luckiest girl in the world?

    Let us know how your date goes! Have fun!



  392.  #392GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    #390 Jilly. Thank you. It’s been stressful around here. This massage therapist needs a massage, and how!



  393.  #393T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    I think dinner on the first date is the PERFECT first date. I think Rori says to limit the first dates to an hour but I think a romantic dinner is the perfect setting, and less interview-like.



  394.  #394T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    GingerSky – so sorry to hear about your stress you have been going through. Sounds like a nice bubble bath with some candles and music are in order? Hmm, that kind of sounds good….maybe I will do that!



  395.  #395GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    #382 T-Girl AND good going to you for just saying how you were feeling & seeing it!



  396.  #396GingerSky on September 30, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    Yeah… bubble bath. Not usually something I’m interested in, but sounds *perfect* for today… wow, thank you!



  397.  #397T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    Since my daughter will be busy with her friend, I think I am going to curl up in bed tonight with my DVD’s of Sex and the City and maybe a good book afterwards. A perfect me time night!



  398.  #398Rori Raye on September 30, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    Gingersky, I LOVE your attitude about the communication thing. Setting up a time and EXPECTING him to be there. What a relaxing way to go! AND I wonder if we’d end up with less disappointment about anything using this idea. Love, Rori



  399.  #399Rori Raye on September 30, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Daria – another Thank You! Love, Rori



  400.  #400Lilybelly on September 30, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    393:

    T-Girl~

    Um, I vote YES! Be happy, Girlie. I am for you!



  401.  #401T-Girl on September 30, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Thank you Lilybelly!



  402.  #402Lilybelly on September 30, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    374:

    My Jilly..I have missed you so.



  403.  #403Daria on September 30, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    feeling inspired by more of this stuff from unschooling moms lists

    it feels amazing to learn something like this can be possible and sometimes its like a lil affirmation to the lil voice inside of me that didn’t dare be heard or believe in herself:

    “”It helps to let go of the idea they need to go at 18. If you get that
    image out of your head and picture them exploring the world, and then
    going on to college to study whatever fascinates them at, say. 25, it
    will help you stop seeing “the end” rapidly approaching.”

    This is VERY helpful to me. With my 13 yo, I was really feeling the pressure of
    18 rapidly approaching.

    I will now RELAX.”

    and

    ***

    “See her (and your son) as absolutely BRILLIANT. Always. In every situation. If they don’t *seem* especially brilliant in a certain situation, assume they are trying their best to figure it out. Be their guide, their partner, their facilitator, their friend.”

    I’m gonna try to do this with my man!! see his as brilliant! cuz im noticing i feel judgemental towards him often… (him being Hawkman)



  404.  #404Daria on September 30, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    wow so many thank you’s for me! thank you ladies! i feel overwhelmed! like no i don’t deserve it!

    this is great! just what i wanted to flood myself with it!

    yes!

    Thank you Daria for thinking fo this magnificent tool!

    Thank you for inspiring me!

    Thank you for inspiring women and men all over the planet!

    Thank you for being kind and soft and a bundle of squeezy love joy!!



  405.  #405Daria on September 30, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    You are so awesome at that without even trying!

    you are awesome at being a fiery woman with softness and attraction!!

    omg!!

    i feel like worshipping you!!!

    i want to rub your feet and draw you milk baths !!!

    you are amazing!!!

    like a rose!!!



  406.  #406Daria on September 30, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    I feel in love with myself writing this! omg this feels so awesome!!

    Thank you Daria for writing this!

    Thank you for downloading Mulan for me!

    Thank you for being so tech savvy with videos!

    Thank you for being curious about making beats on the itouch!

    Thank you for thinking about working out!

    Thank you for doing EFT for me!

    Thank you for taking me to get a massage!

    Thank you for listening to the massage therapist!

    Thank you for sharing about your passion in such a clear attractive amazing way!

    uluitoare!!!

    yum Daria i want to bite you!

    you’re like a juicy apple!!

    yum yum yum!

    Thank you for getting buckhwheat flour and making up a new melted cheescake all natural healing dessert!!



  407.  #407Daria on September 30, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Thank you for getting me phone apps!

    Thank you for noticing and acting from your intuition!

    Thank you for your JUST MOVING commitment to me and my happiness!

    Thank you for your creativity in creating the life you want to live!!



  408.  #408Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Sigh… I don’t think TH is going anywhere soon. It also seems he’s given up (or is close to giving up) on the other woman…

    I wonder if he sees me as a total and complete idiot for staying, despite what I’ve been through with him?

    I suppose I’ve “wandered” off and dated a few other men during that time too because I was so over it, so he knows I’ll be more than ok to move on if I really wanted to. And I suppose that makes me look more “valuable” in his eyes, because he knows I have no trouble finding dates!

    I just told him I’m sticking around for now, but I won’t wait forever for him to deal with his feelings for her.

    Time to go and do stuff for me now and take my mind off him. 🙂



  409.  #409Daria on September 30, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    Thank you for creating that life for me!

    Thank you for making it easier and easier to see how life is natural, easy, and free

    Thank you for seeing past illusions

    Thank you for perseverance in healing – thank you for sinking in!

    Thank you for making this world where I feel like I dont need money, everything comes to me, and even money where i do have blocks comes to me, and its all healing and shifting babystep by babystep

    thank you for showing me encouraging amazing people and things! and places

    and thoughts!!

    thank you for expanding me to feel more and more feelings!

    thank you for my ability to do emotrance and EFT and energy magic in my own amazing ways!!

    thank you for blessing my food and water, and air and my computer!

    Thank you for lighting candles for me, and warming salt



  410.  #410Daria on September 30, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    I am now watching mulan from my itouch ipod! what can feel more fun!

    omg!!



  411.  #411Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    BW I am not surprised. But I would encourage you to make sure sticking around means the same thing to both of you. You might want to have some kind of timeline shorterm agreement to see how things feel to you. Like maybe a month.



  412.  #412magdalena on September 30, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    HI, ive been married for 9 years. Me and husband were separated for a while but still together…he needed time to think things thru and wasnt sure about his feelings towards me…he said i argued to much…n we had to find what had gotten lost…of course got really depressed and not to mention my selfesteem went down the drain. All i wanted was to save my marriage. we are living back in with eachother…but still feel it aint working out.



  413.  #413Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    Lol I was thinking more like 6 months FW. His timeline is a LOT longer than mine, and of course he’s a few years younger. And I’m not looking for marriage right now anyway so for me there’s no real “hurry”. I just don’t want to share him!!

    What I do want is somebody to grow old with and who I can depend on to be there for me when I need him. I think he’s there some of the time, but not quite as much as I would like.

    In saying all of that, he is a LOT better than he was this time a year ago, so baby steps huh?? 🙂



  414.  #414Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Gingersky I came out as choleric also with that personality type testing and very high in the melancholic category too. I particularly disliked the descriptives they used. It felt draining and negative just thinking about them. It seems they choose them more based on the weaknesses than the strengths. Apparently it was doctors who chose them rather than psychologists. It is the first testing that I have done where I was so resistant to the results because of the categories. Though it mostly identified my predominant characteristics.



  415.  #415Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    413: magdalena – First I’d recommend Rori’s ebook if you don’t already have it. It’s worth every cent and will definitely make a huge difference for you and your relationship.

    After reading it last year, I could clearly see all of the mistakes I’d been making in the past without even realising it!

    It all starts with looking at your own patterns and understanding the effect they have on your man – I was amazed!

    Making small changes in yourself will make huge changes to your relationship.

    I’m working through the Commitment Blueprint program now and so far I think it’s fantastic so that’s another option.

    I hope it works out for you!



  416.  #416Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    Yeah Greta Hassel said to avoid the jackal language of labels. Men can take a longer time to open up and I have heard other coaches say that our big stuff comes up when in relationships. I guess it is his stuff and he has to work through it. Better now that later because if you are in it for the long haul you don’t want to be with someone who will run back to the ex when you come across bumps in the road.

    I would encourage you though to find something else to use rather than the “giving it to him” strategy. Otherwise it might be one of those loops you get into and feed off of each other rather than breaking. It eventually gets really draining.



  417.  #417Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Hi magdalena, have you looked at the things you argue about? Or is it one major thing?



  418.  #418Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    BW I take it that you have told him you want to be his one and only and how it makes you feel when you realize that might not be the case?



  419.  #419Daria on September 30, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    good nite Daria!

    thanks for keeping me all healthy feeling until I wanted to sleep

    thanks for taking me to pee

    thanks for getting me super interesting itouch apps and games

    i love you!



  420.  #420Daria on September 30, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    “What I do want is somebody to grow old with and who I can depend on to be there for me when I need him.”

    hmm this sounds a lot like marriage or what the word ‘marriage’ symbolizes…

    i would treat my forever after the same way as someone would marriage. I would definitely Circular Date until offered that kind of commitment.

    It might feel scary and unstable for me without the ceremony of marriage, since I would not really know where I stand with a man on the commitment thing. Unless he’s taking mega steps forward that for me would equate with commitment like getting a house together while vowing a life together forever, etc



  421.  #421Daria on September 30, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    I feel afraid that the “no marriage” thing is throwing off perception of what happily ever after would look like –

    ‘there’s no hurry’ feels uncomfortable and confusing to read… I wonder what that’s about?

    “IS there hurry if someone wants to be married?” what is the difference?

    will I agree to be exclusive in a relationship that is not what while I want while waiting for the man to turn into what I want? does that feel good? do I think there’s nothing better coming for me – this is my guess of where the ‘work’ is. Is me being exclusive to an unsure man what I deserve for not wanting the title marriage?

    I would not want to spend any time being exclusive in a relationship that feels less than fulfilling.

    the other woman thing – it’s not just not-committal – it would feel humiliating to me 🙁

    From Rori’s work it seems that waiting around being exclusive – will lower the chances of actually creating the relationship I want with this man. That he would lose his attraction for me for tolerating this and sticking around! It gives the strong message – through my actions – regardless what I say – that I have nothing better, like nothing better will come into my life besides him with his strong attraction for another woman! omg. is that really what I want for myself. it is So not true.

    If I wanted it to work, I would get really clear on what my happy ever after looks like, and not get exclusive until I’m being offered THAT and feel happy with it.

    There’s no hurry, it’s only that I would be putting a high importance on my – right now – wellbeing and what I want and deserve.



  422.  #422Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    http://lastinglove.kajabi.com/fe/15711-the-most-important-things-to-know-about-relationships
    BW I suspect this might help clarify for you. As well as magdalena. The Hendricks talk about the stages of relationships. Seems like you are at the stage they called the inevitable.



  423.  #423Mel on September 30, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Oh dear!

    I just got back from my date with architect. It was nice. We chatted well together. I TRIED so hard to be open and receptive. I didn’t think about Sexy Sarcastic all evening at least!

    But… I’m feeling absolutely zero attraction toward him. Like the thought of kissing him at the end of the date made me feel a tiny bit ill. And I don’t think it’s because he’s repulsive or anything, just that I’ve already had a taste of the sweet, sweet man-crack. So I just hugged him, but it felt a little weird.

    Now I feel all awkward because it feels like he’s digging me, but I’m just feeling kinda bored. He’s not capturing my attention with either his looks or his personality. He’s feeling like vanilla ice cream. Like what’s the point of wasting the calories on that? I want triple chocolate with cookie dough and brownie bits and chunks of fudge.

    Mmmmm… now I feel like some ice cream! 🙂 But NOT vanilla.



  424.  #424Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    Chemistry can be like poison Mel. Have you wondered about the lack of attraction? Is it an unconscious pattern to shut yourself down after you zoom in on one?



  425.  #425Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    Also Mel does he remind you of someone else?



  426.  #426LILI 41 on September 30, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Wow. He gets angry with me a 3rd time for repeating my boundary…and comes back anyway.
    Today, he called me at 3pm to ask if I was available tonight. That’s progress bc he would usually call at 7pm to say Hey I’m coming over.
    He only spent 1 half hour with his buddies after the hockey game tonight…wow!…to bring me dinner…wow.
    I had to do a little fixing sewing my dress for tomorrow: I tried the dress on and he put on the needles for me, then helped unravell the thread on the sewing machine. He helped me pick out the right shoes and purse to go with the dress.
    Basically, I was doing my own thing and JUST BEING, and he was sticking around to help me out with whatever I was doing…WOW!
    He repeated 3x that he was getting sleepy and had to go to bed, probably waiting for me to ask him to stay over.
    BUT NOPE, STILL STICKING TO MY NEW BOUNDARY! No planning anything with me, no comittment = NO SX and NO Staying Overnight bc I would feel cheap and used if I would go along with that like I did before. 3 weeks no sx and no staying overnight and he’s been wanting to see me all the time anyway.

    I got angry tonight at a SITUATION instead of at him. Instead of pointing the finger at him and accusing as I had always done before, I said “This situation sucks and it makes me feel angry”. The response I got was a big warm HUG! instead of the usual defensiveness and distance…wow! He is so softening up like a fuzzy teddy bear.

    I was late getting to work this morning, a good thing bc the UPS guy came knocking just as I was leaving to deliver Reconnect with Your Relationship. I listened to it in the car for 45 minutes in traffic and another 45 minutes to get back home. I’m at the 2nd cd and it I am really soaking it in.

    The more I read and listen to Rori’s words, the more I feel feminine. I feel more girly and feminine. I am gradually embracing my femininity. I feel all soft and mushy…and better about myself.



  427.  #427Emerson on September 30, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    i’m starting to lose confidence that anything is going to materialize me regarding a long term anything.

    I am trying to CD but I have been moody so sometimes I don’t feel like it and I just reatreat. 🙁

    I hate how Recycled was so into me and suddenly it changed. 🙁



  428.  #428Femininewoman on September 30, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Emerson I was just wondering how it turned out with you and FO3



  429.  #429Mel on September 30, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Hey FW,

    Sexy Sarcastic doesn’t remind me of anyone else.

    Architect… there’s just something about him that makes me uncomfortable. It could be the judging me on my photo thing… and not wanting to welcome someone into my life that would just reject me later. You know… stuff with the ex.

    But he also seems a bit in his feminine energy, which turns me off. He’s not an alpha. I don’t want to be in charge. It just sort of felt like he was agreeing with everything… but he couldn’t possibly have the same opinion all the time. Like he would stay stuff like “that’s cool.” but his tone was saying the opposite. Sort of phony happy almost.



  430.  #430Mel on September 30, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    Oh great… now I just had a big bowl of ice cream! LOL

    It was chocolate with fudge and oreos. YUM!



  431.  #431Mel on September 30, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Is chemistry always poison? Because with him, it wasn’t instant sexual attraction. I thought he was amazingly funny and I loved that. And I really enjoyed his company. We didn’t even kiss until the 3rd date. Things have been progressing nice and slow. The thing is that I am growing to really like him. To prefer him. It’s already been 6 dates! Crazy, this month has flown by!



  432.  #432Emerson on September 30, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    Aw thanks FW I emailed thanks for the apology and that it felt good to read his reply, and I feel open to reconnecting (he mentioned it in the email) That was last evening and so far have not heard back from him.
    blech whatever!

    Recycled is a different story and now I am just trying to detach emotionally and just look at him as a learning process. He is proving to be a softie underneath when he loses his temper (verbally) he always retracts and feels bad…and apologizes to me….

    which I feel is a bit of a red flag like an abuser trait. ?? Except it is verbal abuse? because it’s mostly him shutting me down when I want to express something about my feelings but maybe I’m being to blamey and not doing Roris tools right all teh time! I try not to “fight” and just use fm and not say “you” but he shuts me down and “intimidates” me into not expressing myself.

    You know what, I know we attract reflectons of ourselves. So maybe I need to look inward.

    And you know what else, My MOM is kind of like that. She makes you feel bad for expressing your feelings if it makes her feel GUILTY and then it becomes all about her.

    Kinda like RECYCLED.



  433.  #433alias girl on September 30, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    i’ve decided to be the “man” —so i can get what i want.

    which….is an alpha male.

    watch me.

    did i mention i was going to write the rori companion? it will be called “rockstar”. available soon.



  434.  #434Emerson on September 30, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Hello AG!
    I will buy a copy. 🙂

    Sirens I’m getting so much better and recognizing feminine energy men and its a snoooozzzzeerrr to be with them for more than five minutes



  435.  #435Emerson on September 30, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    Daria this is for you
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BaWziDEauo&feature=fvst
    It’s a song that’s on my ipod and I love it even though it’s in Spanish and I only understand parts of it. I youtubed it and thought you may enjoy it because it’s called “Daria!” 🙂 It’s cute how they say it in the song!



  436.  #436alias girl on September 30, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    435 emerson cool! one copy reserved for ms siren emerson.

    🙂



  437.  #437Emerson on September 30, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    Thanks AG how’s it going with the lashy lashes…????



  438.  #438Cara Mia on September 30, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    Hello Ladies,

    This is my first post on here, but I have read through many of the comments. I really like how you are very supportive of each other 🙂

    I haven’t actually purchased Rori’s book, but I am considering it. For those of you who’ve read it, I wanted to ask if you think it would help my situation with my boyfriend.

    I have never had the greatest relationships, but my last boyfriend was by far the worst. After a (lackluster) year together, he dumped me for his ex and basically told me I was desperate and unlovable. I got over him, but I couldn’t seem to shake the blow to my self-esteem that his words caused.

    Not long after, I met a wonderful man who is in love with me and treats me like a princess. I love him so much, but I am still insecure. There is a barrier between us that doesn’t allow us to get as close as we’d like.

    I think it’s my fear that he’s going to wake up one day and realize, ‘Hey, I don’t really like this girl as much as I thought’.

    Also, he is not always perfect and sometimes he can be very insensitive or seem uncaring. I’d like to know how to respond to his negative behaviors and hopefully make the relationship even better.

    I guess I’m afraid to be completely vulnerable. I feel like when we get married, I might have the same problems as Rori did! (Loving relationship going down the toilet!)

    I guess I want to know if the book helps with self-esteem issues, strengthening your bond, and not driving a man away!

    Thanks for taking the time to read this. Good luck ladies 🙂



  439.  #439Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    419: Femininewoman says:

    BW I take it that you have told him you want to be his one and only and how it makes you feel when you realize that might not be the case?

    —————-

    Yep, I’ve definitely told him on more than one occasion FW and the silly thing is, he doesn’t have to say anything, but I do know he feels really bad about what he’s been putting me through, but for some reason he’s just got this stupid infatuation that he just can’t get past! Although that may have changed after today’s events….



  440.  #440English Woman on September 30, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    #328/329 FW and Daria

    Thank you, I have blended your words. 🙂



  441.  #441English Woman on September 30, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    oops meant #332 Daria.

    Oh Daria re #329 you are sooo right, I am so much more ‘beta’ than I ever have been in my life, though the old alpha me does pop up now and then. 😀

    I feel a lot more feminine energy these days and it feels good. Gotta keep up the work though………



  442.  #442Butterfly Wings on September 30, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    422: Daria

    Oh I’ve definitely felt humiliated, amongst many other feelings and I’ve expressed them all to him.

    As for the “no hurry” thing, my first marriage took 4.5 years to happen after I met him, and my second took 3 years. At the time (and now), based on the circumstances, I thought those timeframes were more than adequate, hence why I feel there’s plenty of time.

    I don’t want more children too, and I’m sure it’d be a very different story if I did as I’m nearing 40! 🙂

    As for exclusivity, I’m physically exclusive with TH but I still flirt with other men, I go out for drinks/coffee with male friends (TH sees that as a date, and I don’t care) and of course I CD myself and my girlfriends too. So even though I’m “exclusive” in many ways, in others I’m not.

    I just don’t think (this is my opinion only) it’s fair to romantically date another man when my heart is with TH. What if the other guy really has strong feelings for me? I don’t want to break hearts just as I don’t want mine broken.

    In saying all of that, if TH were to drop off the planet, then I’d definitely be CDing several men at once as I got to know them all because I can definitely see the merit in it. 🙂

    Thanks for caring Daria.
    xx



  443.  #443English Woman on September 30, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    #342 BW

    Alpha men are my man crack LOL!! 🙂

    Wishy washy men just don’t do it for me. 🙁

    I have one online CD now we have been chatting a few weeks now online and I am BORED of it……he’s the one I made a joke to about his age, then he came back with something about me probably being in my 80’s (lying about my age on my profile) so I said “Ouch that felt bad like you think I am lying, me no likey”

    He has sent another IM on POF, saying how I look “OK”

    OK!!! Doesn’t this man see I am a gorgeous, wonderful Siren?

    I feel so turned off and meh and blah now.

    I want to be some man’s woman crack not just OK.

    😀



  444.  #444English Woman on September 30, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    #343 SLV

    Hostile old men, bah humbug (see my 444 above!!).

    It’s tricky trying to stay in the vortex, practise, practise, practise for me, I listen to Abraham youtubes every morning when I get ready for work and it helps……..but some people or bad days can throw you right out. 🙁



  445.  #445English Woman on September 30, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    #372 Gingersky

    I had to look up what “choleric personality” meant, I don’t know what to think. :$



  446.  #446English Woman on September 30, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    :#



  447.  #447alias girl on October 1, 2011 at 1:48 am

    #445 EW is ok!!!! keep practicing. what is GREAT is that you KNOW you have been thrown out. which means you are in touch with your guidance system. and that is TERRIFIC!!!



  448.  #448Ella on October 1, 2011 at 1:49 am

    Hi Jilly,

    I might be a bit late on this one, and I would text to confirm.

    I would say something like ‘Hey I feel a little unsure about later as I am not sure if we have a confirmed date. I don’t want to show up without confirmed plans. x’

    I once read Rori said asking the question when you already have a plan is ok…

    Anyway that is just what I would do.

    I don’t want to waste my time showing up if he may not be there and then feeling resentful!

    xoxox



  449.  #449Ella on October 1, 2011 at 1:50 am

    Hello EW,

    Lovely day here in the UK isn’t it!!! xx



  450.  #450alias girl on October 1, 2011 at 1:50 am

    i talked to a super hot hispanic guy (SHHG!!) tonight.

    nice.



  451.  #451alias girl on October 1, 2011 at 1:54 am

    i told SHHG that i lied about my age. he said “all women lie about their age. lol”

    i wrote back “LOL!”



  452.  #452alias girl on October 1, 2011 at 1:58 am

    #444 EW i have practiced saying “i feel turned off.”
    “i feel bored.”

    or “i dont want to be with a man who doesnt find me beautiful.”



  453.  #453English Woman on October 1, 2011 at 1:59 am

    Yes Ella, it really is!! The weather has been just fantastic this week, I am really appreciating it ESPECIALLY on a weekend, yay no rain or grey skies LOL!!



  454.  #454alias girl on October 1, 2011 at 2:01 am

    438 emerson well i was in ulta yesterday Looking at the ardell’s.

    that’s about as far as i’ve gotten with them so far.

    🙂 thanks for asking 🙂



  455.  #455English Woman on October 1, 2011 at 2:04 am

    #453 Alias Girl

    Oh I like that one “I don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t find me beautiful” well maybe not beautiful maybe attractive but certainly not OK. 🙁

    I have been doing the “I’m bored” one quite a bit LOL!! And if the young ‘uns are persistent I give them a nice message and call them Grasshopper. 😀

    And Sirens OMG this hot young guy sent me an IM on POF this morning, I swear he is as good looking as Brad Pitt or the like!!! Oh sigh…..another young ‘un. 🙂



  456.  #456Starla on October 1, 2011 at 2:04 am

    Well I went to a party, and when my date was taking me back to the car, he forgot his wallet, so he gave me his keys and told me to wait.

    So some random guy says to me while i’m waiting alone, some random girl, “hey girl, want to smoke some we*d?”

    it was my most recent ex, “My Guy,” who didn’t recognize me at first.

    Then when he realized it was me, he confessed his love for me. Then when I said I still didn’t want to be with him, he told me he hates me, and he left.

    Meanwhile his buddy is in the car yelling at him that he’s a f*g and I’m sh*t.

    Ouch.



  457.  #457alias girl on October 1, 2011 at 2:18 am

    456 EW maybe you are meant to be with a young un because your spirit is lively. age is really not as important as some people make it out to be. it’s only superficial appearances for the first meeting and then once you get to know someone it is totally different. in my opinion. i tend to go for the younger ones (by a decade or more) but the guy tonight was only slightly younger. i mean there are people who find happiness with each other with really big age differences.



  458.  #458alias girl on October 1, 2011 at 2:20 am

    457 starla that read like a comedy. lol.



  459.  #459Butterfly Wings on October 1, 2011 at 3:16 am

    423 – Thanks FW. I’ve downloaded it and will read it soon!



  460.  #460English Woman on October 1, 2011 at 3:16 am

    #458 Alisa Girl

    Ah yeah a decade I could possibly handle but not 22 years younger!!! Just read about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutchner these past few days. 🙁

    And you must have a young spirit too as I had you pegged for somebody in their 20’s and surely you wouldn’t be dating young teenagers LOL!!



  461.  #461English Woman on October 1, 2011 at 3:19 am

    If you’ve “messed” up with a man – gotten mad
    and verbally attacked him for something that
    turned out to be nothing, or suddenly got insecure
    and jealous and practically chased him out the
    door – it can be a really scary thing afterwards.

    If you’re freaking out now, and can’t stop
    thinking about what happened and whether or not
    you can get him back…Christian Carter’s got some
    reassuring words.

    He says that as you start to recognize things
    about you and your relationship that you didn’t
    see before, and you start noticing and looking
    back at the mistakes you may have been making with
    a man all along – it’s very easy to start thinking
    that things are EVEN WORSE than you thought they
    were, and for this to freak you out more.

    But this doesn’t need to stop you from
    continuing to learn about men and grow your
    relationship skills – and it doesn’t have to stop
    your relationship from blossoming!

    From the Editors: Before you read the rest of the
    article and get mesmerized – like we did – by what
    he’s saying here, you’ll want to start getting
    Christian’s free newsletters before you forget –
    just go here and you’ll be reading them…more of
    the great stuff he writes:

    http://www.LoveRomanceRelationship.com/go/ChristianCarter

    There’s a funny thing that happens to us in
    life: It’s that any time you develop a new
    awareness and you start seeing your behavior in a
    new light, you first feel like kicking yourself.

    But getting down on yourself, feeling overly
    frustrated and hopeless, and letting the lack of
    CONTROL you have in your situation doesn’t help.

    What does help is learning from your mistakes
    and realizing a few important things about men.
    Most important for you to know is:

    A MAN’S FEELINGS CAN CHANGE VERY QUICKLY

    If the man you were dating pulled away after
    you said or did something, you need to remember
    that this man liked you and was attracted to you
    in the first place!

    And as much as it might seem like his feelings
    have changed forever towards you, there’s
    something you should realize: A man’s feelings can
    change very quickly, whether you want them to or
    not.

    Now, most women don’t handle this reality about
    men, dating, and relationships very well at all.

    In fact, lots of women let this completely
    freak them out and take over their emotions and
    how they act and talk with a man.

    The fact that a man’s feelings can change so
    quickly has TWO SIDES to it – and you can use this
    to your advantage.But here’s the thing…

    If a man’s feelings can quickly change from
    feeling interested and attracted to you, to
    feeling like he wants to get away from you…then
    it’s also true that he can quickly change from
    feeling UNATTRACTED and uninterested in you to
    feeling intensely ATTRACTED and wanting to spend
    time (maybe even forever) with you again.

    It’s actually amazing, but a man’s feelings and
    his reactions and responses to a woman can change
    quickly in EITHER DIRECTION – from good to bad, or
    from bad to good.

    MAKING HIS EMOTIONAL PROCESS WORK FOR YOU

    And it’s not just that this sort of sounds like
    it “makes sense.”

    Christian says that he knows this all firsthand
    (just because he’s a man) – but mostly because
    he’s spent so many years observing, studying and
    coaching women around men, love, and
    relationships.

    He’s helped so many women (thousands, likely)
    create instant shifts in their lives and
    relationships – even with men they thought they’d
    lost for good.

    Most important here – you can choose to let the
    fact that a man’s feeling can change so easily
    scare you and make you feel anxious and insecure,
    (which will only make things worse for you)..

    Or, you can make that “quick, easy change” a
    man is capable of WORK to your advantage! This way –
    you can have a man go from NOT FEELING IT for you
    to feeling that gut-level attraction for you in a
    few short moments and interactions.

    GETTING COMMUNICATION BACK ON TRACK

    If you want a man to really listen to you, and
    to want to start fresh with you – to actually,
    completely FORGET about whatever happened or even
    to see it in a completely NEW WAY – then starting
    a conversation with him on a fun, positive note is
    the way to go. It sounds like common sense – but
    you’d be surprised how this doesn’t happen.

    So often – we follow up a bad moment with
    ANOTHER bad moment – like it just keeps rolling us
    along – instead of taking a breath, and starting
    all over from a really GOOD, NEW place.

    Christian says, “To get yourself in the right
    frame of mind, think about what you appreciate in
    this guy. There has to be something you appreciate
    about him if you’re thinking about having a future
    with him. Then, let him know it. It’s called an
    “ego stroke”, and it works.

    When a guy sees that you appreciate him, it
    puts him in a receptive state and puts everything
    into a more positive context.

    The idea is to create the right mood for the
    conversation so a guy feels comfortable and wants
    to open up. Because you know what happens when you
    start a conversation talking about negative stuff,
    problems, and issues: he shuts down.

    And even if things are tense between the two
    of you, starting a conversation on a positive note
    will open the door for re-connection.:

    And, no matter what’s happened between you –
    all you want to do is create that opportunity to
    re-connect.

    It’s sort of funny to imagine how quickly a bad
    experience in a relationship can just fade from a
    man’s memory. How he can look back and see it as
    “sexy,” or interesting – no matter how bad YOU
    remember it.

    CC

    How interesting, what we may think as a big terrible fight we always remember can seem sexy to a man’s memory!! Go figure as you guys say. 🙂



  462.  #462Daria on October 1, 2011 at 4:22 am

    Emerson – hehe i like it! thank you. “Daria” in spanish is “I would give…”

    wow lol that is kinda ironic



  463.  #463Femininewoman on October 1, 2011 at 4:24 am

    Hi Cara Mia. The book will help you to understand that and more. I suspect Modern Siren might also help you. Rori has a self esteem category to the bottom right of the blog that you might want to read through to get some insight into some of the things that you are experiencing. Seems also like you could use some building up your self love skills. Her All That Tool, The Waterwheel and Paint Yourself in Love might help. Read through as much as possible around the blog, I guarantee it will help you change the way you see yourself. Focus on yourself, it will get his attention as you begin to change.



  464.  #464Daria on October 1, 2011 at 4:26 am

    Yay Lili! You are rockin it girl!

    Thats how it works, they get mad and then they stick around and step up!! so awesome i feel inspired.

    hahaha at “im getting tired” LOL!!!!



  465.  #465Femininewoman on October 1, 2011 at 4:32 am

    RE 433 Emerson that sounds to me like emotional flooding. So I am wondering if you check in with him to ask him if it is a good time to share or if it is too much for him to process as you move through your sharing. I believe every man is different and at different places. Yes he should cherish our feelings but heavy emotions can be too much for some men. I had one man sharing and he knows me so well he checked my body language as sometimes I tend to close my eyes and he asked me if it is too much and if we can revisit it later. We have a very strong friendship bond and I have learned a lot about relating from him. He talks about his strong feminine side and that he is very comfortable showing it. He tried intially to suggest that emotions are foolish but as I continued expressing my feelings he stopped saying that. Many times now I don’t have to say anything he talks about or connection and how much we feel and understand each other. Every relationship is different and through awareness and consciousness I believe we learn how to be with people.



  466.  #466Femininewoman on October 1, 2011 at 4:44 am

    Emerson about the feminine energy man comment, it has me thinking. A relationship needs both masculine and feminine energy to be successful. The way I see it is if a man is being mostly feminine energy with me it is a signal that I use mostly masculine energy with him. That is what I attract because of how I am being, so rather than reject them outright when I see how I am feeling in my body I consciously choose to melt into the feminine. Many times I experience the guy changing during the interaction. Don’t know if that makes sense but human beings are too complex to expect that a person is only going to be one way all the time. I believe I am powerful and can affect men’s emotions in a strong way. I know of a couple who has been together for 30 years. She is ultra feminine but there are things that her husband requests of her that are masculine and they are a model of a great relatonship. They can’t even sit near each other without him touching her all the time as if in an unconscious state. As long as it is in an informal setting he is always touching her. I have seen her angry with him and him begging and doing all kinds of things to get her happy again. Amazingly after 5 years of marriage when she was that way in front of me she kept on talking about herself, crying, melting without yelling. It was amazing to see him begging and pleading. I also ended up getting treated to ice cream at the mall afterwards too.



  467.  #467marina on October 1, 2011 at 4:48 am

    hello lovely Sirens,

    I am feeling kinda frustrated.
    My upstairs neighbour and his GF started making ritmic noises at 6.30 AM!
    Urgh, it is Saturday ya know…

    I don’t mind hearing him singing in the shower at 7.30AM during the week.
    But c’mon, I was still sleeping today…

    I also dreamt about having sex in a secret affair with one of my buddies and his GF finding out about it.
    It felt so real…

    IRL he has been really supportive, whenever I talk about something that is bothering me or that I feel uncertain about, he is there to cheer on me and give me some positive attention, as he puts it.

    I suppose that’s what the dream was about and also about me feeling a little guilty towards her for receiving that kind of attention from him…

    Anyway, might go and see the 2 of them tonight for a movienight…that will be interesting.

    Now I am taking my Granny to the beach, see if we can find some adorable men 😀

    Enjoy your day!

    XXX
    Marina



  468.  #468Lyka on October 1, 2011 at 5:29 am

    Hi Sirens and good morning (or afternoon)!

    It really feels like autumn here today, it’s dark and cool. Hopefully it will be another good lucrative day at the sex shop. Strangely, people enjoy shopping when it’s not sunny more than when it’s not. I’m expecting a good day! 🙂



  469.  #469Lyka on October 1, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Ok, that sounded wrong. What I meant to say is that I usually get more customers when the weather is not so good. When it’s sunny, people are more inclined to do stuff outside.

    There, that’s better.



  470.  #470T-Girl on October 1, 2011 at 6:50 am

    439 Cara Mia,

    Yes, the book would definitely help you. I pretty much felt the same way after my 20 year marriage fell apart and Rori’s book has helped me tremendously!! My life has done a total 180 and I feel like I “get it” now. I’ve read the book twice now and think I may go through it again.



  471.  #471T-Girl on October 1, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Good morning Lyka! Have a great, sunny day today. Your job sounds very interesting and fun! I admit, I had never been in a sex shop until the last year and I was pleasantly surprised. My local chain of shops even do “Sex Talks” on various subjects. I went to one a couple weeks ago and I was amazed at how many people came out – people just like me! I don’t know why I was expecting a different type of crowd. The talk was given by a Dr. and it was fun and funny at the same time.



  472.  #472Ella on October 1, 2011 at 9:16 am

    Sirens I am going out tonight and have been working today and I just feel blank and empty… is it cus there is no man drama to stress about and I am used to drama?

    Oh well… maybe I will get used to no drama and it will begin to feel ok instead of empty…



  473.  #473MiRi on October 1, 2011 at 9:22 am

    473 Ella,
    you’re definitely on your way to “no drama” as a consistent good thing in your life, maybe you’re feeling “bored” but in a good way!

    I can’t wait to feel comfortable enough in CD-ing. I’m constantly thinking about him whatever I do, I always keep myself busy though. (it’s been 2weeks+ now…). I should feel reassured when I think about the “no closure” concept, but I can’t…



  474.  #474GingerSky on October 1, 2011 at 9:28 am

    Rereading this blog entry today… getting more and more out of and into it… it answers every question and need I have for dealing with my whole life right now, and even allows for my applying it along with my spiritual focus etc (or any focus I can imagine anyone having really)… this is so good.



  475.  #475Starla on October 1, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Where is Mel?
    Mel, ladies,…I had a bad relapse. CD1 really is my Crack Fix. And I didn’t “screw anything up” but I seriously, seriously need to lean back. I was texting him last night asking him a bunch of leading questions trying to get his attention and affection, and I was on a date with another man! Then I called him when I woke up this morning.

    He of course says I’m always welcome to text or call, but something about it felt so hollow and unfulfilling. The only thing that would have felt good is if he had said “it’s nice to hear from you and I want to see you, be right over!”

    Instead he said “i will call you sometime”

    I feel stupid. I can’t help myself!

    I miss him so much when he’s not around that I want to cry! Yet I don’t know yet if I want an exclusive relationship with him and if he’s the one for me, so having this mentality is leading him and me both on.

    I need some serious help.



  476.  #476Ella on October 1, 2011 at 9:46 am

    Feeling better now.

    🙂



  477.  #477Ella on October 1, 2