The Key Components Of A Fulfilling Romantic Relationship

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Yes, a great romantic relationship is built on mutual love, respect, trust, and communication.

It’s a partnership where both individuals support each other in their personal and professional growth, and bring out the best in one another.

As Chris Rock said: “Stop competing! When you’re in a relationship – you’re in a band. Sometimes you sing lead, and sometimes you’re on tambourine. And if you’re on tambourine, play it right! Cause no one wants to see a mad tambourine player.”

And we all know that, and we also know how hard that is.

We all have inner conflict, inner woundedness, inner self-doubt, and we all have knee-jerk reactions when we feel triggered.

To start, here are some of the key components that make a romantic relationship truly feel good:

Open Communication: Open communication is the foundation of a healthy, satisfying, and – yes – thrilling and juicy relationship. But it doesn’t sound or seem very sexy. Or even fun.

It feels like dry, “mature-speak” you learn from books and a therapist, but doesn’t seem even possible when you’re in a relationship with a partner who does NOT want to communicate openly – and where you feel literaly afraid of rocking the boat.

Yes – both partners should feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns to each other without fear of judgment or criticism.

And how rare is that?

Pretty rare.

And – it takes both partners to make that agreement work – yet, in the middle of a communication storm – it only takes ONE partner to set the ship right.

Mutual Respect: You know, if you’ve read my Have The Relationship You Want book, that I don’t think of respect, in the standard way of thinking of it, as having the same meaning for both partners.

I believe that men want and require “respect”, while we women want and require “connection and love”.

Yet, if a man values the concept of “respect” – then the only way to say this is that a mutual agreement of “respect” would mean that you literally respect him no matter what he does or says, and he, in his frame of reference for the word “respect”, considers it respectful of you to hear you, listen to you, and give you what you need.

Essentially, this means valuing each other’s opinions, beliefs, and boundaries, and treating each other with kindness and compassion.

Which is hard if you differ on any or all of these things.

Trust: Trust is the glue that holds a relationship together.

It takes time and effort to build trust, and it’s worth it.

Trusting a man makes you feel calm, secure, peaceful, and cared for.

And yet, most of us haave been so let down over so much of our lives that we trust no one.

We trust no one, until we meet a man who checks all our boxes, and then we trust him before we know him, and before we’ve BUILT Trust.

Shared Interests: This isn’t about having anything in common.

It’s about creating and developing “shared interests” together. Even if it’s from scratch.

Creating and developing things you can do together that you both enjoy.

Play games. Go on walks. Take care of pets. Have children. Watch something together, at a theater, or on TV. Make something together – a meal, a vacation trip, a plan for something.

Yes, it’s a lot easier to connect when you share common interests and activities.

It can make it easier to become a couple, get close, and deepen your connection.

AND – what’s REALLY important is to find common ground in VALUES.

In other words, you both have to find certain things important: Being on time, staying in contact, wanting to create a family, loyalty, the importance of sex and affection.

Independence: In a great romantic relationship, both partners have their own interests, hobbies, and passions outside of the relationship.

If you don’t love things outside of your relationship, he’ll feel leaned on.

He’ll feel like the only person you’ll “grow” as a person with – and that’s way too heavy a burden for him. Lots of pressure there.

You want to bring new experiences and perspectives to the relationship – and you want him to bring in new, fresh experiences and perspectives, too!

Compromise: Sometimes we don’t want to. Sometimes he doesn’t want to.

It’s not so much about compromise as it is about flexibility.

It’s about finding solutions for each situation that’s either an immediate “win” for both of you – or it’s a long-haul give and take that relys on Trust to work.

Emotional Support: Easy peasy. You’re there for each other. Good times and tough times.

You celebrate each other’s victories.

You mourn each other’s losses.

If he’s not up for this, really – of what use is he to you?

Intimacy:  We’re talking physical closeness, emotional connection, and a deep understanding of each other.

We’re talking complete transparency and vulnerability on your part, and a valuing of your transparency and vulnerability on his part.

We’re talking Sharing, Trust.

What I call a Sanctuary Relationship.

You can have it.

Love, Rori

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