The Law Of Attraction Doesn’t Work This Way – You Did Nothing WRONG!!!

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Here’s an amazing letter from Amelia, and a super difficult, scary and unpleasant situation.

This post’s about the way we choose to “see things,” and how we so often try to find someone or something to blame just to help us make SENSE of something senseless, and how we usually end up blaming ourselves – especially when we feel scared about pushing a man away by doing something “wrong.”

Amelia’s man is “Bob…”:

“Hi Rori, here in Peru, I wish I could say its been great but it hasn’t, I went out with this guy so I could do the circular dating and stop waiting on Bob . We had lunch and after we took a cab to go home and we were assaulted by 3 men it was absolutely terrifying…you have no idea all the things that went through my head about what they could do to us…they had us in the car for 2 hours until they were able to get money out of my friends bank account and then they left us in the middle of nowhere …

I prayed the whole time that god would keep us safe and thank goodness we made it back home I wonder if I felt so guilty about going out with  someone else and I was punished or what but I am really scared now …

I wish it had been an easier and better more rewarding experience to do something that was intended to be good for me and my self esteem…it wasn’t 🙁 I will pray that my higher power helps me in some way and hope he/she hears me


My Answer:

Amelia – all I can say is that your “guilt” is non-existant in reality and is just a feeling you created to try to make sense out of the attack.

I was attacked once (not such a great ending) – and I’ve been trained as a survivor counselor – and this is what we ALL do under these circumstances (even and especially as CHILDREN, which is why children are so damaged in divorce and trauma – they BLAME THEMSELVES in order to feel they have some control):

We try to take responsibility and ownership of a situation in which we have no control.

That’s what you’re doing.

You figure, in some deep, subconscious way, that if YOU take the BLAME – then you could have prevented it!!!

And then you try to live your life carefully and buy-the-book to prevent it from happening in the future.

This is not TRUE!!!

In fact – your presence of mind and good thinking kept you SAFE!!!!!

Dwell on THAT!!!!

If anything, this happened so you could know that you can keep your mind clear and in the right place no matter WHAT’S going on.

Having lunch with this man was the RIGHT thing to do!

You did nothing wrong and EVERYTHING RIGHT!!!

Can you get your mind around that?

This is standard trauma stuff – and you need trauma work more than ever – and just know what I’m saying here is the truth. You can read books if you like.

It isn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong. You did everything right – AND you saved yourself!!!!

If your mind tries to use the “Law of Attraction” on this – like you attracted something bad – you have to counter that with –I attracted a learning experience, and, look how great I was able to experience the way it turned out!

NOW my job is to be GRATEFUL to myself for handling myself so well…

Love, Rori

From Amelia:

“Thank you, I think u r right…I feel that if in someway I am responsible then I can fix it or do something to prevent it, I do this with men too…A LOT ….if I can take the responsibility Then I can apologize be sweet and it will all be better at least for a while…

Thank you for the insight, I am doing work with Emily Van Horn, the trauma practitioner in your interview I received  a week before my trip…
Sending you love, Amelia”

From Rori:

Brava to working with Emily!!!

And – when you work with my Tools – remember that the point is to use them to be more YOU, and more authentic and at peace with yourself – there is no such thing in my work as getting it RIGHT!!! (Although I use that word).

The man does what he wants.

You just be the real you, so he can see and feel you.

And you do the best you can to work at not pushing a good man away (and allow yourself to push away a man who is not serving you) – in other words you are NOT in charge of how the relationship goes.

You can’t “fix” – and you don’t want to even try to fix – anything around love.

Love, Rori

From Amelia:

Wow not trying to fix is a huge new concept for me….in a way is very freeing….


 From Me:

This is the cornerstone of all trauma therapy.

It’s the challenge of accepting that something happened that you had no control over.

We SO want to have control over everything that we like the “Law Of Attraction” because we can imagine it gives us CHARGE over what we bring to ourselves.

But it just doesn’t work that way!

Being ourselves, who we are, and living our lives as WE live them has NOTHING to do with control.

It has everything to do with surrender.

And – most important – with acceptance.

I call this “Radical Accepting.”

You accept without judgment everyone and everything that happens, no matter what.

Doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings about everything – even violent, intense, unpleasant ones…but instead of allowing that to guide you and spin you down the rabbit hole of judgment, fear, shame, guilt, depression…you just say to yourself:

That happened.

And accept that it happened. Regardless of “how.”

I know this is tricky. Essentially – this is the foundation of any “spiritual journey…” and I love being able to talk about it here…

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Starla on May 31, 2012 at 6:56 am


  2.  #2Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 7:07 am


  3.  #3Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 7:09 am

    “Amelia – all I can say is that your “guilt” is non-existant”

    “in reality and is just a feeling you created”

  4.  #4Iamabutterfly on May 31, 2012 at 7:11 am

    this feels healing and beautiful. Thanks, Rori!

  5.  #5Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 7:11 am

    ” you are NOT in charge of how the relationship goes.”

  6.  #6Iamabutterfly on May 31, 2012 at 7:15 am

    I remember being at a really good place in my life, having a wonderful man pursuing me, and running away from it, and punishing him for MY running away because I felt like I somehow deserved rejection at my core, because that’s what I felt at my core…rejection. feels so sad looking back. but I can (and am!) healing.

  7.  #7April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 7:15 am

    “You accept without judgment everyone and everything that happens, no matter what.”

  8.  #8Iamabutterfly on May 31, 2012 at 7:24 am

    this post is kind of what LK and me were talking about. that girl has some wisdom. Love you, LK! 🙂

  9.  #9Sallythatgirl on May 31, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Hi ladies, I am behind on the threads. Rori is a fast lady! Thanks to everyone who responded to me two threads ago. I felt a warm light in all the receiving!
    Things came to a head with my cd. I felt so vulnerable. I felt so clear. I basically said what Love Always said about no casual sex. And that I wanted to see what could develop. He replied he wants to be friends. He really thinks I am ‘sweet’ and that is why he has to be honest with me…I had sent him the message, I need to be honest.’
    So he just sent his reply this morning.
    ” Sorry I fell asleep last night. I think you are a very sweet person and for that reason I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I think that we should just be friends. I have a lot of stress and pressure on me right now and I need to stay focused on this.”
    I feel sad. I feel I do understand on some level. He is opening a business in downtown…it would feel scary. ((Ray))). But I don’t want to be friends! I want to be mean! I don’t want to see him! (I have to pass him and his cafe on my way to and from my studio several times a day…feels yuck!). And I am friends with him….I am friends with his brother too.
    I feel lost and teary

  10.  #10Sallythatgirl on May 31, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Hi ladies, I am behind on the threads. Rori is a fast lady! Thanks to everyone who responded to me two threads ago. I felt a warm light in all the receiving!
    Things came to a head with my cd. I felt so vulnerable. I felt so clear. I basically said what Love Always said about no casual sex. And that I wanted to see what could develop. He replied he wants to be friends. He really thinks I am ‘sweet’ and that is why he has to be honest with me…I had sent him the message, I need to be honest.’
    So he just sent his reply this morning.
    ” Sorry I fell asleep last night. I think you are a very sweet person and for that reason I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I think that we should just be friends. I have a lot of stress and pressure on me right now and I need to stay focused on this.”
    I feel sad. I feel I do understand on some level. He is opening a business in downtown…it would feel scary. ((Ray))). But I don’t want to be friends! I want to be mean! I don’t want to see him! (I have to pass him and his cafe on my way to and from my studio several times a day…feels yuck!). And I am friends with him….I am friends with his brother too.
    I feel lost and teary eyed. I feel a pain behind my eyes red hot fire.
    Please help me ladies with a script. I feel like I would like to acknowledge his stress but tell him to take his friendship and shove it up his azz! I feel hurt, I feel empathy. I want to say something like handle your stress but in the meantime I am not really wanting to be buddies. Maybe someday. (((me)))
    I feel happy though I let myself be vulnerable with a man. Good job Sally!!! Sorry for the muddled mess of streaming thought. I feel muddled. Thanks in advance for your help. Sorry also my own problems are all I am focusing on.

  11.  #11Sallythatgirl on May 31, 2012 at 7:39 am

    I guess I just accept it…maybe my answer is just that…

  12.  #12Lucy on May 31, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Wow, interesting post and synchronicity! – I had a dream last night that I went into the wrong building (old, abandoned) and there was a repulsive man there who grabbed me and planned to rape me. He started to punch me in the stomach and I felt afraid of pain, so I told him I would do what he wanted me to. I felt sad and scared and hoped he wouldn’t kill me. Also mad at myself for accidentally going into the wrong bldg. Judged myself as careless. Woke up before it got worse, thankfully. 🙁

  13.  #13Iamabutterfly on May 31, 2012 at 7:44 am

    ((((Sallythatgirl)))) – I think I know how you feel, and it feels soooo icky! 🙁 I would try something like,

    “I appreciate your honesty, but I feel kind of angry. It doesn’t feel good to see you around as just a friend, and I am not interested in being friends, so some space would feel good. Thank you for respecting my wishes.”

  14.  #14Iamabutterfly on May 31, 2012 at 7:48 am

    @10 Sallythatgirl – “Sorry also my own problems are all I am focusing on.”

    No need to apologize for asking for help and healing yourself! It’s a GOOD THING! Go you! 🙂

    Other Sirens help Sirens when they WANT to, and feel like they have something to offer.

    I know how you feel, though. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to focus on myself. But remember, focusing on ourselves helps us heal ourselves, and then, and only then, can we truly help others!

    I feel very warm towards you, Sallythatgirl!

  15.  #15Sallythatgirl on May 31, 2012 at 7:55 am

    (((I am a butterfly)))) thank you…that feels wonderful.
    I was thinking….this:
    Thank you for your honesty. Sending good energy to your stress and pressure. I wouldn’t feel authentic to myself if I accepted friendship. I will see you in passing but more than that would feel bad.

  16.  #16Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Good morning and good day, Siren Island!

    I feel happy and proud of myself after taking care of me and my fur babies by grocery shopping! It was a workout in itself and I feel really good about how efficiently I shopped and put everything away!

    It is a beautiful day, and I am romancing life! I want to make every activity beautiful and pleasurable, instead of mundane and dreadful!

  17.  #17Starla on May 31, 2012 at 7:59 am

    I am enjoying a little treat of working at home in bed this morning:) At least until I have to head into the office a little later.

    Brandylion, I saw your post in the other thread about mornings. ((((((((((Brandylion))))))))))))

    And, well, I was thinking you dodged a bullet with PriestCD. I know you are very into him and want him to want you, but seriously, he is so religious he’s considering becoming a priest. WTF? Yikes. Thank the universe for making it impossible for you to be with that very poor match for you, even though your attraction to him was strong enough to make you overlook that fact.

    My mornings are rough re: CF too. I go to bed feeling so peaceful and accepting and wake up and have to go through a whole day of processing and acceptance to get back to that peaceful place. Every day.

    Sometimes I wish he would just email me or text me and say ‘Hey I know you tried to talk to me a few times but I wanted to let you know I will probably just never speak to you again.’ Instead I feel like I’m on the hook still because I can feel our energy is still connected and that he will be back – I just don’t know when.

    The good news is it IS getting a lot easier. Time is a great healer. I feel excited about July 4th weekend and spending it with my best friend and her family at the lake fishing, just enjoying the present moment and not even thinking about CF. I am looking forward to sitting by the lake and contemplating how lovely and self-focused my life is, and showing off my new body to my best friend’s mom who has known me since before puberty.

  18.  #18Sallythatgirl on May 31, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Radlove you deserve so much. I feel brightened by your life changes and struggles. You are inspiring. I started reading the blog in January and I always felt sad for you. I feel happy you are putting yourself first and self loving. I don’t want to offer any unasked for advice but I am 35 and instruct exercise. I lost 90 lbs over 3 years, if you need any support I am always willing to help anyone on their journey to health and emotional freedom from food. (((((Radlove)))))) congrats!!!

  19.  #19Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 8:27 am


    10 – I would say, “I feel disappointed to hear you only want a friendship. I’m sorry, but I feel romantic feelings for you, and I feel bad with just a friendship. I don’t want to pressure you. I am here if you ever decide you want to pursue this further, and I wish you the best!”

  20.  #20Starla on May 31, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Honestly, about that guy saying it’s better to just be friends, I wouldn’t say anything back to him (unless he asked you a question about it). You don’t have to tell him about the ‘no friends’ boundary to live it. You just turn down his ‘friendly’ invitations when the time comes. And you treat him like every other human being when you see him out and about.

    I think this can be very simple and clean. No need for the last word or closure or to ‘state’ boundaries where stating them is not really needed. I would just shrug my shoulders and move away from him and that conversation and not worry about it, if you know what I mean?

  21.  #21Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 8:36 am


    18 – Awww, thank you so much! I feel so encouraged! Sure, I would probably feel more comfortable talking about weight loss privately, if you are ok with that. I am at If not, I will talk about it here. I like a little input, but I feel uncomfortable at times when I have a barrage of advice.

    I, too, lost 90 lbs in the late 80s, over three years! I was wearing a size 12, and I looked like a model! I know exactly HOW to lose the weight, but for me it is almost purely an emotional struggle.

    If I related times of relational and/or financial stress in my life, you would see weight gains at those same times.

    I feel more and more emotionally stable, much thanks to Rori and the Sirens!!! So right now I am in an upswing, and I just had a good week of eating! I just loaded up on fruits and vegetables, and I have some Nutrisystem meals I got free off craigslist! They are high in sodium, tho, so I am going to limit myself to one or two of them a day.

    I far prefer Medifast, and I think it is far higher quality, formulated by MDs. I haven’t been able to afford it. When I get back to work, I am really excited about getting it again! I felt fantastic and lost rapidly when I was on it!

    Yes, I am feeling so much better as a whole! And I KNOW it is better for me to not have R in my life. I feel unsure of my strength, tho, if and when he contacts me again. My boy energy tells me I should say no contact, because it always ends in pain. But my girl energy misses him soooo bad!

    No R = emotionally stable and happy

    R + B = emotionally topsy turvy and overeating to cope with pain

  22.  #22Francesca on May 31, 2012 at 8:37 am

    “You accept without judgment everyone and everything that happens, no matter what.”

    I think this is the hardest thing for me to do constantly and on a daily basis.

  23.  #23Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 8:41 am


    10 revisited – I just looked up my notes from Rori, from when I was in her Love Forever Teleclass. Here is what I wrote (what Rori said):

    He has encouraged her to date other people, although they were intimate in the past. Connection with him is making you yearn, and he does not want what you want. He cannot be right for you if he is not trying to tear off your clothes. That has got to happen first. He has got to want to. He has got to want to be around you. Very basic, guttural, male animal stuff. That is not happening, He just wants friendship. It will eat up your spirit. Say no to this whole relationship.

    Man: Will you help me?
    Sarah: I feel completely confused, and no, I don’t feel good about helping you right now.

    Man: Oh, but what’s wrong?

    Sarah: I could say I’m really busy, but that wouldn’t feel like the truth.

    Man: I don’t understand what you’re saying to me.

    Sarah: I have strong feelings for you, way above and beyond friendship. So I it would feel best to stay out of contact a little bit.

    Staying in contact is not serving you. Mental energy expended is keeping you from your true love. He’s not going to leave the planet. This is addictive behavior here. When you have the hots for someone and your oxytocin is kicking it, you are addicted to him.

  24.  #24Starla on May 31, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Francesca 22

    seriously, especially because most of us have built entire identities on a foundation of their judgments.

    who would i be without judgments?

    what would my political beliefs look like? what would my musical tastes look like? what would my relational style look like? all these things are actually defined by my judgments of what is bad.

  25.  #25Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 8:43 am

    23 – THIS is what I want to have the strength to say to R next time he contacts me, what I should have said a looooong time ago.

  26.  #26Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 8:44 am

    I find what works best with a man is when I just say a sentence or two at a time, not a whole paragraph or a monologue.

  27.  #27Sallythatgirl on May 31, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Starla, thank you…he did not ask any questions;). What about that we all hang out every day or 2? Do I say anything to his brother, he’s gay, so our relationship is platonic and nice. I feel sad to lose them as friends. But not enough to not love me and friendship fake in hopes of something more.
    About CF..I feel the end had a lot more to do with him than anything you did. Your healing process is awesome and shows how healing is not linear…no closure..curses!!!

  28.  #28Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 8:49 am


    22 – I have been thinking a lot about judgments. It stared me in the face at the checkout line! I had my cart full of fruits and vegetables, along with stuff I consider to be healthy, like agave nectar (for coffee), honey (for iced tea), black olives (for salads, which have healthy fat – Mono Unsaturated Fatty Acids), and sugar free gum. The ONE thing I bought for a treat, when I crave sugar, was microwave popcorn.

    I chatted with the cashier, telling her I am trying to lose weight. Instead of feeling encouraged, I felt discouraged when she said, “Oh, you shouldn’t have the popcorn! You’re defeating the purpose with that!”

    Ok, granted, it is true. But I feel annoyed when I do good, good, good, good, good, like 99 times out of 100, and I am told only about the ONE time I do not-so-good.

    I wanted to yell, “Well at least I didn’t buy three packages of candy bars, two half gallons of ice cream, and a dozen of donuts!”

    But more and more I am feeling compassion even when I feel judged, knowing that people are only repeating the patterns they themselves have heard all their lives.

    I choose self-affirmation, and when I do that, I feel quick more and more to affirm others! We all need encouragement!

  29.  #29Francesca on May 31, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Starla, I believe our judgments are also influenced by what other people do and say but yes, I tend to focus on what I consider “bad”.

    I want to stop that.

    I want to stop judging what some people say here.

    I want to stop thinking that what I think should be what other people think.

    I want to stop thinking that some of the things they think is wrong.

    Otherwise, everybody would have the right to tell me what I think is wrong as well.

    And I don’t want that.

    But frankly, my issue rests mostly with people’s sometimes questionable actions.

  30.  #30Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Ok, beautiful ladies!

    Back to errand running for me…I’ve had more than enough time for my break, basking in the gentle waves of Siren Island!

    Time to get my new phone!

  31.  #31Starla on May 31, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Eep I feel really not okay about something. I told my guy friend (long distance friend) that I needed to take a step back from our friendship. It was feeling very unhealthy and draining for me. he said he understood and asked if it was okay if he sent me interesting articles and recipes from time to time. I said sure. But now he’s emailing me more than ever! Like 15-20 times a day!!!!!!, and not just articles/recipes. He’s sending pictures of himself and youtube videos and letters about what a great friend he thinks I am. It’s so constant that I’m at the point where I’ve filtered his messages to automatically go into a folder I don’t have to see.

    I said I needed to take a step back and he’s emailing me more than ever!

    I don’t appreciate this and I don’t want to be in a friendship like this.

    And it scares me that you can automatically delete any specified person’s emails in gmail and you’d never even know they contacted you. I hope CF didn’t do this to me:( triggerrrrrr

  32.  #32Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 8:54 am

    FW, thank you for sending me here!

    “You just be the real you, so he can see and feel you.”

    My best friend said something really germane to this last night: PriestCD never really saw me, and it wasn’t anything I did wrong.

    She told me about a book called The Courage To Be, and explained that the author’s thesis, basically, is accept that you are accepted. And then she said that if I can accept that one person accepts me totally and unconditionally–her–can I work on accepting that I am, in fact, accepted by all?

    I feel intrigued to read this book, but I feel wary because it was written by a theologian. God-stuff is not my cup of tea…maybe that’s all the more reason to read it?

  33.  #33Lilibee on May 31, 2012 at 8:59 am

    This article reminds me of something Rori says in her “Toxic Relationships” program:

    “If you beat yourself up, you will bring in a man that will ‘beat’ you up.”

    It’s been so true for me in the past.

  34.  #34Emoticon on May 31, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Starla, congrats on being number 1 2day

  35.  #35Francesca on May 31, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Radlove, I totally understand what you mean.

    It’s kind of like when you make a mistake at work, you’re sure to get cr*p for it.

    Yet, if you achieve something great, you barely hear about it.

    I’d rather be encouraged for what I’m doing right as opposed to what I’m doing wrong.

    I don’t mind being critizised in a constructive way at all, I crave it, actually.

    But I tend to feel so low and depressed after I get negative criticism.

    I want to heal that and be able to tell myself that I am enough.

    I can’t be like everybody else, I am me.

    So I’m moving along at my pace by seeking the best paths for me to use.

    I need outside help and assistance (like this blog) but I mostly work my issues out by myself.

    No one can change that.

    Congratulations on your new “diet” and feel free to eat the popcorn; don’t even think about feeling guilty about it! 🙂

    As long as it’s something you indulge in on weekly or biweekly basis, it’s all fine.

  36.  #36Starla on May 31, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Sally, I would just respond to his brother’s invitations by asking if it’s okay if just the two of you hang out for a while, and when would be a good time to get together next.

    From where I sit, this could all be very simple and easy:)

  37.  #37Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 9:05 am

    Starla, you are right that I dodged a bullet with a man who has many good qualities but is not good for me.

    I say that I want to be fully over him and moved on and for this pain to stop, but what I’m confronting today is the idea that maybe the part of me that thinks I don’t deserve to be loved is actually relishing the punishment of the yucky things I’m feeling by not being as done with him as he is with me.

    Then, how do I flip that? Telling myself and hearing it from countless others that I deserve better hasn’t been working.

    Blech. Thinking this doesn’t feel good. I can’t feel its truth or falseness right now.

    Hmmm, I’m thinking I don’t fully get this good self-care stuff. I’m still living my life and doing what I want and the things that I enjoy, but I’m not feeling much of an upward shift in my vibe.

  38.  #38Emoticon on May 31, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Im sick….. again. I wanna get those quail eggs and anything else that could boost my immune system cuz i dont wanna be falling sick twice in one month like this

  39.  #39Emoticon on May 31, 2012 at 9:17 am


  40.  #40Starla on May 31, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Brandylion, I don’t like the idea of ‘deserving better’ because it creates a bad guys vs. good guys scenario, where he’s the bad guy and you’re the good guy. And if you’re struggling with worthiness issues, broadly painting yourself into the good guy role is too polarized and a total farce for it to be effective in helping you move on.

    Ask yourself what you can mix into your life or remove from your life to better care for yourself. Any ideas?

  41.  #41sunshine on May 31, 2012 at 9:38 am

    i feel bad because im being judgemental. guy i dated yesterday so sweet and kind but a shorty!!! sigh im being suprficial but i like to feel protected w a manly man and hes just a shorty boooo ill go out w him aain though

  42.  #42Starla on May 31, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Brandylion, or maybe some therapy would be helpful? It’s been very helpful for me.

  43.  #43April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 9:47 am


    My favourite man is tiny compared to me (a good four or five inches shorter).
    I love being feminine in his company. I love bringing out his masculine side.

    I find he has a sexy bit of attitude, and I intuit it as coming from his awareness of his height.
    Sweet and kind on its own wouldn’t do it for me.

    Did your date have any kind of attitude? Was he self-confident in any way?
    It’s confidence in a man that turns me on. What does it for you?

  44.  #44Rebecca on May 31, 2012 at 10:25 am

    I was having some thoughts about men.. And comparing a relationship to a friendship – and basically what you would accept in a relationship BUT not in a friendship. Ie:

    If a friend didn’t call when they said they would
    If a friend let you down at the last minute
    If a friend teased you or made you feel bad about yourself
    If a friend only saw you sporadically and always on their terms
    If a friend showed little interest in youe life or your feelings
    If a friend didn’t offer you advice and support when needed
    If a friend didn’t pick up when you were worried about something but unable to say
    If a friend made you feel bad about yourself or embarrased you in company
    If a friend put down your achievements and overly focused on your failings

    Then would you want or allow this friend in your life? No? Then why accept it from a man/boyfriend or anyone else for that matter…

    Just my own meanderings for the day!

  45.  #45Daria on May 31, 2012 at 10:27 am

    I’m experiencing nausea. I was experiencing headache and now I’m swallowing it eating it like in the charu article E

  46.  #46Rebecca on May 31, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Sorry! My last post was for the old thread!

    This article is amazing! And so inspiring! I soooo want to change…

    Radlove – I have been reading the blog since last year. You have come on leaps and bounds my dear – and you serve as my inspiration!!! You rock!!!

  47.  #47Sallythatgirl on May 31, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Emoticon, are you sleeping well? Are you moving your body? These two things for me are the biggest factors in wellness.

    Starla, I felt my way through this and feel I only wanted to respond to have the last word…and pretty much say, Bish now you get to suffer seeing me everyday smiling and walking by but I will never give you the time of day because I am so busy strategizing and thinking about you! No closure, the 3 rd way….first time ever I fbelieve for myself. I saw him just now but I was on the other side of the street so I just kept on walking, yeah me. I am a man magnet. I didn’t really know him all that well anyway. I still feel sad but I feel strong as well.

  48.  #48Rebecca on May 31, 2012 at 10:34 am

    (((((sallythatgirl)))))) I am going through something soooo simillar…. Hugs to you

  49.  #49April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 11:05 am


    Are you home now?

  50.  #50Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Starla, #40: I hear your point about “better”.

    All I really meant is that I deserve a man who is wild about me and feels thrilled to spend time with me and therefore treats me in a way that shows it. And I meant I deserve someone who is a better match for me.

  51.  #51Daria on May 31, 2012 at 11:18 am

    April Rose – thank you :). Yes I’m home

  52.  #52Sallythatgirl on May 31, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Thanks Rebecca, your story feels sad too. I choose to believe that so little of this is about me…what is that quote that Rori says, “you can’t say the wrong thing with the right guy.” this blog is about acceptance…it feels so much easier to just let it go than process what I could have done or should have done.
    I chose relationship. I said this a few times to myself this am and felt clear in my heart..head is catching up slowly, I have a super man head which likes to think, analyse, and go over everything. But my heart feels, herein lies my feminine is pink and squishy (((Daria))) and open…it feels stronger and safer than my fake control stuff…(((((Rebecca)))))

  53.  #53Starla on May 31, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Brandylion, sorry if I made you feel misunderstood!

  54.  #54Starla on May 31, 2012 at 11:41 am

    wow, my friend is sending me more emails still. i feel really suffocated.

  55.  #55Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 11:49 am

    I feel so much better now after reading this. The whole “I did nothing wrong. I couldn’t have changed anything.” is sinking in.

    I feel okay right now about the idea of meeting him for lunch. But I’m a girl, and I can change my mind at any time. 🙂

  56.  #56Starla on May 31, 2012 at 11:59 am

    I did plenty wrong and I could have changed things

    but it obviously wasn’t good timing for us. How else would I have transformed locked into that context and those triggers with him?



    I’m excited to go with my best friend for pedicures tonight. She rarely wants to go but asked me this time because she has an event on Saturday and open toed shoes.

  57.  #57Sallythatgirl on May 31, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Starla could you send him an email stating your feelings again? I feel he is trying to make up to you but it feels like this is not what you want at this time. Thanks for making my situation so clear and easy peasy…(((Starla)))

  58.  #58Daria on May 31, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    speaking of detox, im getting extra thrush even on the corner of my mouth now

    mmm i feel concerned…

    i dont want to get confused between worsening symptoms due to detox and actual worsening of thrush

    i will be ok tho anyway

    even if i use anti thrush oil i inted it to be helpful for my healing and detox

    this is actually great

    youre healing Daria! yay

  59.  #59sunshine on May 31, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    April Rose,
    thanks for sharing your about your shorty sexy guy…ok so this guy had nice eyes and a smile he has a warmth to him in his facial expressions it was comforting…hes a teacher and aspiring counselor so yeah he is very comfortable to be around. well, hes genuine so that shows confidence bc how can you be genuine if your not? however, this morning he texted me that he had a great time would like to do it again however if I didnt want to that was ok with him…um I felt angry and a little uncomfortable and then I saw him differently in my head I thought about his shortness too…it was a turn off you could say. In general I agree confidence is key, I also like exciting men even in conversation some debate, new ideas to the table and something interesting or unique is also attractive. I agree a little attitude regardless of the height is attractive and well he didnt seem to be that way if anything always agreeing to what I said hmmm I felt perhaps too hard to agree at times also, he texts a lot! four so far today I dont know neediness is not cool Im confused I want so badly to break away from toxic men but this nice guy might be too nice? confused

  60.  #60Starla on May 31, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Sally, what do you mean you feel he is trying to make up? He hasn’t spoken to me since he emailed me to break up. I’ve tried to contact him a few times since then but no response. Just the email and then POOF.

  61.  #61Starla on May 31, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    OHHH SALLY, you’re talking about my friend who keeps emailing me!

    gosh i feel dumb. i am SO PREOCCUPIED with CF that I thought you were speaking about him.

  62.  #62Starla on May 31, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    wow he emailed me again about how he is recovering from his surgery.

  63.  #63Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Oh, Starla, I’m not saying I couldn’t have done some things differently. I’m just saying I did what felt right in that moment, and things just didn’t work out in the long run. It is, and I feel closer to full acceptance!

  64.  #64Starla on May 31, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Brandylion, I’m sorry again:), I didn’t mean that for you. I was just really thinking about myself when I said I could have done things differently. Then I started saying Blah. BLAH!!!!!!! to this whole mess of my love life. Hehe.
    ((((((((both of us)))))))))

  65.  #65Turquoise on May 31, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Hi sirens, hoping to catch up with everyone soon… Things have been crazy busy lately. I have a new cd, not named yet, but meeting him for happy hour later. He works right down the street from me! Will be quite a change for me to date someone local. I have 3 other new ones I’m excited about…. Coach seems great, we have a lot in common but he lives an hr away, navy guy is hotttt hoping to meet him soon, he’s fairly close…. Then repeater guy I’ve talked to a couple times before but never met…. Our kids go to the same school! So, if I can make enough child care arrangements, will be a fun weekend!!! 🙂

    I still wish things could work out with C, but he knows how I feel and what I want. Nothing to do but lean back and enjoy my life. So that’s what I’m doing.
    Really happy the universe is sending handsome, interesting CD’s though to distract me from my yearning. 🙂 it helps!!!!

    Two incredibly handsome men wrote to me this week, but their foot fetishes came out pretty quickly, and I have no interest in decaying about feet!!!! 🙂

  66.  #66Turquoise on May 31, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Oh geez…. Auto correct, sexting about feet, not decaying!!!!! Lol

  67.  #67T-Girl on May 31, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Lol, gotta love autocorrect!

  68.  #68Starla on May 31, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Turquoise, that’s so funny. With your awesome shoe style, you’re probably a foot fetishist’s dream:P

  69.  #69Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Starla, I realized that, and I realized after I posted that you might think I thought you were talking directly to me. 🙂

    I agree: Blah! to this mess, and ((((both of us))))

    A friend pointed out that I can even wait until the moment we meet next week to see how it feels, and if it feels yucky right then and there I can leave. I feel more powerful–I *do* have a choice, and I don’t have to decide now. I did what felt good by asking him to lunch, and I will do what feels good then!

    (Also, I feel good–and maybe smug? eww–that everyone who was aware of the breakup with whom I’ve shared this new girlfriend news has expressed extreme surprise. I feel validated, I guess, for having had a strong reaction myself.)

  70.  #70Starla on May 31, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Brandylion, I must admit I feel jealous that your ex will even contact you, lol i’m feeling like a pity case today
    awww i pity me hehe

  71.  #71Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    ((((Starla)))) I have not forgotten how awful it felt when I felt uncertain he was ever going to contact me again. It sounds like you and CF had a more connected relationship than we did though, as I was actively figuring out how he could fit into my life and he was not really doing the same for me. I re-started reading the blog, but not regularly, right before he poofed on you, so I may be misremembering things you wrote in mid-March…

  72.  #72Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    I just realized I didn’t finish my thought–if the relationship itself was more intense, then more distance and time may be needed.

  73.  #73Starla on May 31, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    oops I looked at CF’s facebook page. he hasn’t updated that thing since last year.

    omg where is heeeeeeee this is still driving me freaking crazy

    thanks for letting me vent here, ladies.

  74.  #74Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Unless it’s something totally heinous, there isn’t much another person can say or do to affect you negatively unless you allow it, or rather unless you are seeing, hearing, feeling things, and thus reacting through the filters of your triggers.

    I am NOT suggesting stuffing your feelings or avoiding having disagreements. I AM saying that arguing is not needed. It puts everyone on the defensive, and no one feels good. Little if anything gets solved satisfactorily.

  75.  #75Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    We women on the other hand, most of us anyway, love, love, love the texts, e-mails, little notes, etc. We feel almost cast aside if we don’t get this.

    UNLESS you can shift your thinking and your energy around this.

    Some may suggest having a talk with your man, letting him know that you prefer more frequent contact, that you feel better when you have this sort of connection. I’m NOT going to tell you not to try this if it really, really weighs heavily on you.

    I WILL encourage you to try something else first though. Some men may respond to a talk, but many men will feel pressured. Or he may comply for awhile, but his original habits will likely return.

    I suggest trying this instead of a talk, instead of fretting and wishing for something you don’t have. Try focusing on what you DO have.

    Remember the pasting the fantasy exercise? This is an excellent time to employ it. This is where you are imagining everything just as you want it, everything down to the smallest detail. His gaze, his touch, the things he does for you to show he cares, and this might include more frequent contact if you want to put this into your fantasy.

    Now try tuning into your man’s energy. Really sink into it. Feel him thinking about you, loving on you. Feel it as if it is. It is really, for he is thinking about you and loving on you. Connect to him in this way. In HIS way. And make this feel very, very real to you.

    Now see if you can’t allow this to be enough.

    With love, Dominique

  76.  #76Starla on May 31, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    lol i COULD post “hey, call me:)” on CF’s facebook page. THAT would get his attention! lololololol

    seriously, though, it would.

    ohhh my mind is so chattery and worried about this, every day. And then I get home from work and sink into myself and my own life, and I stop feeling worried and start feeling peaceful. I go to bed knowing all is well.

    And then I wake up the next day and start alllll over.

  77.  #77Ella on May 31, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Oh Sirens I am feeling a little bit panicky.

    I am at MEC’s house… its his birthday. We have had a lovely few days and yesterday HE took me out for a treat, even though it was his birthday!

    Today he had to work this evening and so did I, but we agreed I would meet him here at his, and I would cook a birthday dinner for him.

    But on his FB page his ex wrote him this message saying she left him a present on his doorstep and put LOADS of kisses, and said she didn’t drop it in the house as she didn’t want to disturb the dog, meaning SHE STILL HAS KEYS!

    And I asked him about this a while ago and he said no she didn’t!

    I am feeling really shaken up with this… its the lie I think…

    Anyway when I got here the present was on the doorstep and I brought it in and I saw the card attached and it said ‘love’ from her, and lots of hearts and kisses.

    I know he is in love with me but this really doesn’t feel good at all.

    And I am trying to get myself together as he will be back soon and I can’t even think about cooking right now and I have no idea how I will handle this.

  78.  #78Starla on May 31, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Actually, it’s just getting more and more intense. I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve never ignored my feelings like this before. Pre-Rori I would definitely be trying to contact him again.

    Unfortunately, Rori’s tools and philosophies have hurt me in some ways by causing me to second guess myself and worry that men will lose interest if I do this or that. I never worried about that before I found Rori! And it undermines my confidence and it hurts me! But her tools have also totally changed my love life for the better.

    I just feel stuck.

    And I feel embarrassed and guilty for still talking about this.

    And angry at anyone here who wants to tell me to shut up or criticize me for it, lol.

  79.  #79Ella on May 31, 2012 at 2:50 pm


    Yes… I am the same.

    I feel exactly like you said on 78.

    Rori’s tools have changed my life totally AND improved my relationships and dating drastically.

    And also caused me to second guess myself and feel not confident to contact a man…

    But you know what… There are some circumstances where I think she says it is ok.

    To ask the question…

    But then you have to be prepared to accept the answer.

    And be prepared that it may not be the answer you want.

    However if I was in your situation I would contact him… just once.

    And if it didn’t go how I hoped then I would never contact him again.

    However am I right to think that you already contacted him and he didn’t reply or have I got this wrong?

    You could call him…

    And you may feel really crappy after.

    OR it may be the bridge that is required.

    Just my 2 cents.


  80.  #80Sallythatgirl on May 31, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Starla, I would call…talking about CF here….I know it’s not Roriesque to ask but I feel if nothing is getting easier maybe your boy needs to take care of your girl?
    CF from what I remember reading, and pardon me if I state this wrong never talked about the relationship….it never was or has been your fault. He just can’t DO it… For whatever reason. What do you think?
    I feel you might need him to say it wasn’t you because I feel you always come back to what you did. I feel it would feel quite freeing for you to realize it was him, you did exactly what you were supposed to do….why? Because you did it. Hope that makes sense I feel anxious offering you advice. (((((Starla’s love for CF)))))

  81.  #81Starla on May 31, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Ella, I always feel so privileged when you comment to me:) I did contact him a few times. On May 9 I sent him this note:

    “Hey CF,
    It’s felt really important to me to respect your decision and both our sanity by not pushing too forcibly into your space. I have also needed some space myself to really think absolutely honestly about things and take care of myself, and to be honest I still need a little more of that. But I don’t want to just go on seemingly forever being dead silent to each other, either. So, hi… I hope you are quite well! If you’re feeling up to it, whether it’s good/bad/ugly/boring, I’d love to hear about how you’ve been doing. Or maybe I’ll call you in the next week or two sometime.
    All the very best,

    He didn’t respond and I didn’t actually end up calling him a week or two later.

    I know you ladies might think I’m being pathetic, but he’s never been the type to fall out of touch with anyone on purpose. I just feel so freaking confused why he won’t even SPEAK to me.

  82.  #82Starla on May 31, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    80 Sally, it was kind of my fault too. There’s a lot I learned I need to change about myself. Not about me fundamentally, but about the way I handle things and perceive things. I’m not trying to get CF back into a relationship right away, but I feel just wrongwrongwrong not being in touch with him. I can still feel his energy as though he is sitting next to me. I’ve never experienced this before… I’m not sure what to do with it, it’s very keen.

  83.  #83Starla on May 31, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    Sally, you’re right, he never did talk about the relationship except when prompted. Once when I asked him about it, he enthusiastically took me out the next night to tell me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And me, instead of saying “wow this is great, let’s talk about exclusivity,” said well I don’t want to be exclusive.

    Cuz I’m an idiot.

  84.  #84Starla on May 31, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    This isn’t the first time a man offered me what i wanted and i put obstacles in his way. I have issues. And he doesn’t ask for what he needs either. Yuck, ohhhhhh I feel so confused.

    Thank you ladies for this space.

    My plan has been and will continue to be, for today, at least, to do nothing.

    I’d say I’m heartbroken but it’s not broken. It loves CF.

  85.  #85Starla on May 31, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Something was so off with both of us. Not us together, that was beautiful, but both of us individually when presented with a true love.

    maybe he doesn’t speak to me because he’s very scared to make it all worse?

  86.  #86Dominique on May 31, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Ella – #77 – sounds like the act of a desperate woman. you my dear are fine. let it go. make dinner. do your thing. try to forget about this thing which means nothing to him.


  87.  #87Starla on May 31, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    I’m not sure what the harm would be to tell him actually I love him and I wish we could work things out.

    Attraction wise, it might be a killer, but I’m so sick of worrying about that. It’s turned me into a game-player.

    Don’t worry ladies, I’m just venting/musing, and won’t be leaving my desk to call him or anything:P

  88.  #88Starla on May 31, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Ella, I agree with Dominique! I bet if you don’t freak out at this one, it’ll just cement MWC’s feelings/appreciation for you:)

  89.  #89Dominique on May 31, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    As for my Starla, go ahead. You have nothing to lose. You are not sitting in expectation land, so go ahead. It might make you feel better.


  90.  #90Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 3:53 pm


    35 – I hear you! Thank you!

  91.  #91Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 3:54 pm


    46 – Awww, thank you so much!

  92.  #92lilybelly on May 31, 2012 at 4:19 pm


    You most certainly are not pathetic. Not in my book, now way, no how. You have taken care of yourself beautifully.

    I love my girl Dominique’s thoughts on this as well.

  93.  #93Daria on May 31, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    Yay I feel so goddess I am a girly girl so feminine im wet like lips w lipglosay

  94.  #94April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 4:23 pm


    Honey, I left you a couple of messages on the last thread.

  95.  #95Sassy on May 31, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Starla, I feel ya! JT suddenly stopped talking to me last week out of the blue!! I feel sad, frustrated, etc blah blah blah. He absolutely REFUSES to tell me why.
    But this response isn’t about me. You’ve tried calling him with no response and email with no response. What about a text just saying that you feel you seriously just need to clear the air no matter what the result is.
    Or, do you have any mutual friends that could intercede on your behalf, just to ask him where is head is at right? (beside up his a$$??, sorry couldn’t resist…)

  96.  #96April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    What does a siren do when an online conversation goes as follows (with an entire day between each question and answer)?

    CD: “Spending time with you having a picnic in a leafy spot in the sun sounds like my idea of a perfect day”

    Next day siren says “that would feel lovely” plus more FMs

    Next day CD responds “do you accept my invitation”

    Next day siren replies “Yes please,” plus FMs etc

    Next day “Glad you accept. What do you like to drink?”

    Next day siren describes how a cool fruity cocktail would feel nice. And she says “I feel parched”

    “I feel parched” means “Get the f*ck on with arranging this date!! At least ask for my number or suggest a meeting place and time.”

    But no, next day CD replies “I’d better dig out my picnic basket and blanket then”

    Does this guy just want a pen-pal for imaginary dates? Aaaargh…. I don’t want to answer any more, because I don’t want to nudge him to make the date. Why doesn’t he JUST DO IT?

  97.  #97Francesca on May 31, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    April Rose,

    Why don’t you just say “I feel curious about where you will take me”?

    Not as a question but rather as a statement.

    Maybe after, he’ll begin to let you in on the rest of the info (i.e. location). :/

  98.  #98Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    April Rose “why doesn’t he JUST DO IT” is your imaginary relationship flag. The connection is not serving you because it is making you yearn. Seems like a pattern is already established.

  99.  #99April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Thanks Francesca,
    Worth a try if just for the practice

  100.  #100April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 5:04 pm


    I feel fascinated. You are opening up a whole new something for me.

    “The connection is not serving you because it is making you yearn”
    Please can you say more about this.

    I spent most of my relationship with WM yearning for his time and attention.

    With EM, he gives me more than I think I might want (no yearning there, but I am fearful of his potential possessiveness)

  101.  #101Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    I am having technical difficulties in my financial world, and feeling slapped across the face with reality as I am trying to move ahead. I feel so stressed out right now. I ran a half a tank of gas out of my car today trying to get business handled, and there is something important still up in the air.

    I was supposed to meet a CD tonight and he flaked on me. He never set up a place, just a time. And it feels like par for the course.

    I am trying soooo hard to get my life together after all this depression, and things just keep happening. I’m trying hard to stay positive too, and trust things will work out.

    I am trying to prove residency for a small loan so I can get my car fixed and get some new clothes for this job. I’ve been driving around for months now needing brakes, inspection, and registration.

    Wouldn’t you think lease, electric bill, heating oil bill, and any number of other bills in my new address would prove residency???? No, they want a W-2 form or a bank statement. And the W-2 form is buried, and the bank statement has my old address.

    I feel angry, after she said YES to the loan and told me the amount. She set an appointment with me, and after I arrived, she said I needed this document and it would be only 2/3 of the amount she said yes to.

    I spent my rent money buying an upgrade to my phone, ONLY after talking with her on the phone and getting a yes.

    I feel like screaming at her to come visit me at my house if she doesn’t believe I live here!

    I am probably going to have to spend my evening looking for this blasted W-2 form. My papers are jumbled, unopened, in multiple boxes as a symptom of my depression. I haven’t filed taxed for 6-7 years as a result of my depression.

    I want to get my life together, but it doesn’t happen overnight.

  102.  #102Ella on May 31, 2012 at 5:11 pm


    Thanks Dominique and Starla.

    Well I didn’t freak out.

    But I did talk to him about how I felt about it and everything.

    I didn’t blame him but I said that I felt confused and upset and angry about it.

    He was very sweet and loving to me and seemed to have no idea why she sent him this gift.

    Anyway I decided to come home tonight just because I was feeling confused and need some good sleep. I have a busy day tomorrow.

    Well I don’t know if I was right to come home and it just feels like the best way to take care of me at the moment.

    There wasn’t any big drama or anything, and we were still very loving.

    And I did say I don’t feel ok with ex’s being present in the current relationship.

    He said he understood and asked me what he should do.

    I said I don’t know and just stuck to FMs.

    Anyway I am feeling pretty tired so going to head to bed in a minute.

    Night Sirens.

  103.  #103Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    April Rose,

    96 – If it were me, I would not delay response for a day, even if he did. The conversation itself sounds lovely…

  104.  #104Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    I spent the whole day being responsible, except for my little break here earlier. I spent about an hour earlier going thru two boxes of jumbled papers in order to gather bills. Then I went out and paid them and got my phone. Even tho it’s new and I love it, it was stressful spending that much money.

    Then to come home and think of spending the rest of the evening going thru more jumbled papers? It feels too stressful! They are my pandora’s boxes!!!!

  105.  #105Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    April Rose,

    94 – Oops, I feel embarrassed, you were right…it was Emoticon who had referred to thugs. Sorry about that. Thanks for understanding.

  106.  #106April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    ((((Your papers))))

  107.  #107Ella on May 31, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    April Rose re 96

    “This interaction is feeling so long. I am feeling frustrated with all the e-mail. In person always feels so much better to me.

    What do you think?”

  108.  #108Ella on May 31, 2012 at 5:23 pm


    Life can feel so frustrating sometimes can’t it.

    But I have a feeling it all has a way of working out for the best… even when it doesn’t feel like it at the time.


  109.  #109Francesca on May 31, 2012 at 5:25 pm


    Sometimes it sucks taking care of stuff and facing our responsibilities but once it’s done, it’s so satisfying.

    I bet you’ll feel lighter when you do find that piece of paper.

    Hang in there, these are just life’s lessons.

  110.  #110April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 5:25 pm


    Sounds like you did a lovely job of communication with your man. Thanks for sharing.

  111.  #111Francesca on May 31, 2012 at 5:28 pm


    I’m proud of you, speaking up for yourself that way.

    I think you did well.

  112.  #112Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 5:30 pm


    109 – Thanks.

  113.  #113Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    With all this emotional stuff triggered thru R this past 3.5 years, my mind feels like mush sometimes. It is SO hard to get into boy energy mode for this sort of thing.

    I just seek comfort and feeling good. Facing my paperwork is like facing a fire breathing dragon.

  114.  #114Turquoise on May 31, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Hi Sirens! Happy hour was fun, I laughed so much! I like this guy, but he looks a lot like c and another ex combined, so that was kind of throwing me 🙂 he has amazing green/ grey eyes though, wow… I liked looking at him! Drinks turned into dinner, he gave me a big hug goodbye, and before I was even out of the parking lot, he texted to say he had a really good time and when could we do it again?

    I’m tempted to leave my time open for these other guys to step up… But its already thurs. if they can’t make plans by now…. And I make other plans, well then, their loss! 🙂

    Starla, I say call him, and then if he doesn’t answer or reply, really try to get over him. Trust me, I know that’s not easy… But sometimes things just don’t work out the way we’d hope. I still cry over C, but maybe the reason we aren’t together is because there is someone else I’m supposed to be with, and I am standing in my own way!

    Rad love, did you get my email? Hang in there sweets!!!

  115.  #115Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Thanks Ella! Hugs to you!

  116.  #116Angela on May 31, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    HI Sirens,

    I haven’t posted in over a week because I purchased commitment blueprint. I’ve been listening to it everyday about 45 minutes per day and I can only say it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!

  117.  #117Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 5:47 pm


    114 – No, I didn’t…when did you send it?

  118.  #118Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    I feel panicky and weak. I want to believe I will have the loan tomorrow. Ok, got to go look for the document. Sitting here won’t find it for me. But I may take breaks here.

    I am in a position where I spent my rent money! I spent it for the phone in good faith that I was getting the loan! She said yes. She set up the appointment. I had every reason to believe the money was mine.

    I am fighting the NVs that scream “bad girl! Bad girl! You should have this and if you had that…”

    But I was taking care of the lil girl and I was hadnling life the best I could. I did my best.

  119.  #119Turquoise on May 31, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    In response to the one you sent a few days ago, saying you missed me on the blog, so sweet! I sent it from my phone, and sometimes they get lost 🙂 lol. I asked about your job, reading here, I hear how stressed you are. 🙁 hope things calm down. I just threw out and took to goodwill half the clutter in my garage and I feel AMAZING!

  120.  #120Tereana on May 31, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Ah, so good to read here. It always takes my mind of things. In my mind – I’ve been in my head – doing the thing, where I’m wondering, Hm, where’s he been? Haven’t heard from the guy all week – the guy I went hiking with. I mean, it’s only been less than a week. Probably not all that long in “guy time.”

    I’m just being a girl here. Let’s see if I can turn this into feeling statements for myself: I feel weird not hearing from him all week. I feel a little abandoned – even though I know I’m not really abandoned. I feel a little nervous, and anxious, since now suddenly I realize I kinda like him. We slept together the first time we met. I usually don’t do that (very much ; ). And if I do, it’s usually a one-time thing. And I didn’t feel very bonded with him after that.

    But now it’s different. Now we spent more time together, and had more intimate experiences. Plus, I wasn’t totally drunk at the time. Lol. I hope he comes back. Maybe that’s all. Maybe I just hope that I see him again, because now I think I want to. But I don’t want to control it, to lean forward, or “make” something happen. Because then I know I’ll be the one rowing the boat, and that’s more work than I want. Anyway, if he’s going to contact me, he will. He is a man, and he wants to row his boat, just fine. I can relax. Wow, that just caused me to take a deep breath, and now my breath is slow and deep. I can relax totally and completely, because I know that whatever happens from here will be fine. I am practicing detachment, where I do not depend on the outcome. What outcome? it is simply one step and then the next. I am waiting for the next step, and it seems like it is taking forever.

    But i know this is all silly, too. And I will be on here in a few days, raving about how I heard from him and the fun date we are having, and how lovely the world is and i love it, and oh my, the sun is so pretty right now! And my hair is curly. And I am so beautiful. And my friend just called. And I laughed with my neighbor today, and I had fun at work. And now I am all dressed up to go on a friend date. So I don’t have time to worry now, do I? There are too many lovely things to think about! I feel happier already. 🙂

    And seriously, if you haven’t seen this video, you should!

    p.s. I like this Tip from Jonathon Aslay:

    Men prefer quality over quantity.

    It is better to spend less time together and make it positive and fun than to spend every waking hour together.


  121.  #121Angela on May 31, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Hi Sirens,
    I haven’t posted in almost 2 weeks because I purchased Commitment Blueprint. I’ve been listening to it for 45 minutes everyday I’ve been so focused with it and it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!
    if you recall I’m in a 3 year LDR with a guy who told me that he just didn’t know if I was the right woman for him.
    After attempting to hold on with all of my might I got tired of acting needy I then began to get Rori’s newsletters. I began to cd in my hometown meeting men from dating sites but I still wanted to make things work with LDR even though I broke up with him after getting tired of him stalling and me looking and acting stupid around him. We’ve been back together for almost 2 months now.
    Well, I have you tell you that Rori’s advice works and it is real.. real.. real!!!!
    I literally don’t do anything at all and my LDR shows up everytime. I inspire him and invite him in and he always shows up. Before, I was worried about him not calling me often or seeing me since we got back together then I gave him a short feeling message and it worked!!! He calls, texts and/or emails everyday now. I don’t initiate ANYTHING!!!
    Also, for this past weekend because it was a 3 day holiday weekend he flew me on vacation to another country. And he provided everything… food, hotel travel, drinks, cab rides,even the idea to want to go. I still can’t believe it.
    He even told me that he’s been thinking about moving to my hometown!!!
    While there I saved some of Rori’s newsletters in my cell phone and when he was in the shower or taking a nap I would peak at them.
    All the while I’m still CD’ing. I had a date last night with an amazing man I met on pof. I’ve been seeing him for 3 weeks now. I’ve been dating 2 other men as well and I have to say now that LDR is not on my mind all of the time. the energy has shifted completely. I don’t think, feel or act the same way I used to. I don’t think that LDR is that end all be all man anymore.

    It’s still all baby steps for me and LDR because I feel like he’s holding back some of his passion for me because I hurt him when I left him before, so I think he’s keeping his feelings reserved.
    He had so much passion for me and shows it when he’s not so much in his head. I now know when he’s being himself and when he is in his head. While on our trip he kept saying how he cared for me deeply when I asked what that meant he said he loved me but it was more than love for him. (thats when his guard was down). He said he was inlove!!! I’m still picking myself up off of the floor.

    I’ve already gotten my “passion” speech ready. today he texted and called but I haven’t found the right time to tell him yet.
    I will continue to listen to Rori’s commitment blueprint everyday for at least 90 days. It’s invaluable. Siren’s I know how hard it is to take control of yourself and not lean forward but listening to Rori’s program everyday has given me the strength not to and I see the results. THANK YOU RORI!!!

  122.  #122Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    I am almost through the first of many boxes. I just found a poem I forgot I wrote a month after R’s fake proposal – I wrote it August 17, 2009. I can tell I considered it unfinished, and it could use some finetuning:

    Warm Wind Whispers

    Where warm wind whispers against my skin
    I feel bathed in gentle, consuming Love
    I leave behind the world’s din
    Carried by the wings of an invisible dove

    I feel embraced by a dear, divine Presence more precious than kin
    As I bask in warm Sonlight from above
    I feel bathed anew in warmth and touch, and lifted free of sin
    As his sweet Presence surrounds me like foxglove

    And fills me with all the attributes I love to bask in
    I close my eyes for a long, inward gaze at my Spirit Lover so suave!
    You romance me with beauty, purity, and grace, again
    And I know I’m refreshed with all the Love You’re full of

    Soft caresses by my eternal, Divine Lover, a new awareness can begin!

  123.  #123Starla on May 31, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    I still have too much pride and expectation in the way to contact him, I think.

    But I also think I worry too much about doing things perfectly, which is another thing I’d like to shift in my relationships. It paralyzes me and puts up walls.

    I dunno, I really just feel in my heart a love like i’ve never felt before, now that all my anxieties and neuroses are out of the way and I can actually FEEL my love for him. It is much deeper than I had even known when we were together, because I was too busy feeling anxious and neurotic and afraid. And I don’t think I’m crazy and just warped feeling this overwhelming, can’t-just-ignore love and ‘off-ness’ with how things are between me and him right now. I do feel afraid that I will be seen as a crazy person by some ladies here, but I know I am not crazy. The universe has been keeping me and CF’s energy around, asking if I am going to choose it or not, and how I intend to express my choice. and I’ve had some time to decide now and I’ll probably have a little bit of time to decide still. But it seems like blasphemy to the universe to just turn away from something I am actually hoping to receive a path to.

    This is me just justifying myself to the blog. It feels bad too:( Sigh.

    Ummm well anyway… I guess what I’m trying to say is I feel really confused.

  124.  #124Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 6:36 pm


    Thank you! Will you please send it again?

  125.  #125Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    I may be wrong, but I almost wonder if I was deceived by the loan company. If they just said they were in a rush and overlooked to tell me that. I have jumped thru so many hoops for them already. I just really need to repair my car and get it legal before driving 1 hr 15 min each way. Umph!

    Back to searching those pandora boxes…

  126.  #126Starla on May 31, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    What confuses me the most is, what does it matter if i love him and want to make things work? i am not ready to try to make things work, because i can still see myself second guessing myself and freezing in fear and not being able to relax around him… this is something I need to heal by giving my adrenals a break with a dating strike and then through CD’ing. Is it just ridiculous to say “hey i just wanted to tell you that i love u and i wish we could make it work, oh but actually i don’t want to worry about that right now?”

    lol silly starla
    i dunno

  127.  #127Starla on May 31, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    thank you sassy dominique lilybelly:)

    i really appreciate you guys talking to me about this even though it’s been almost 2 months of this=/

  128.  #128Starla on May 31, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    lilibee, sorry i didn’t post a pic of me in the boots! i didn’t end up wearing them! Maybe this weekend:)

  129.  #129Lizka on May 31, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Hi Sirens!!!

    OMG I feel so excited!!!

    I saw my Ironman tonight!!! And he talked to me!!

    For those who don’t know,I have talk here about my Ironman a few times.He is this guy, adept of the pick up artist philosophy, that I dated off and on for4 years and was madly in love with. I seriously still think of him as the man of my life, the one who’Ms gonna come back in my life when I am ready.

    Haven’t see him for over 1 year…

    And tonight, it’s like the Universe MADE me met him again. I was not suppose to go for drinks after work because I am broke. But the coworker I was giving a ride home to said on the way home “I’m in a good mood so let’s go for a drink, it’s on me”. So we decided to go to this specific place but there was no room to sit so we went to another smaller bar…

    And I was all pretty, wearing my brand new outfit that I bought yesterday during my shopping session and it makes me look like a model.

    And Ironman walked in the street next to the patio where I was sitting (with two male coworkers) and he saw me and he came back and talk to me.

    He was all shy and I told him so that it was cute that he was shy and he said he was indeed. And he was giving me this crazy look meaning “I’m so impressed by the siren that I see in front of me”. He had exactly the samelook that he had when we were having “moments”. After a few minutes of chatting, I ended up the conversation myself and said just “good night” even if I was burning to tell him to call me to go for drinks. I almost texted him right after but I thought it was not very sireny and the two guys I was with indeed told me it would have look desesperate.

    In the last news, he had a girlfriend. I know.

    But I don’t know, I have a good and weird feeling. Maybe I’m just on my cloud and over excited, but I have a feeling that he will call me in 3 days. He always had a rule of 3 days. I just remembered it.

    Maybe now is the time? The time I am ready?

    Or maybe not, but I was very happy to see him and I feel so curious to experiment what a pick up artist and a siren could do together. I know he would be super impressed by my new attitude because in the time, he always wished I would have be “like that”(a challenging girl were his words).

    OMG I am so excited girls!!!

  130.  #130Starla on May 31, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    I feel really embarrassed to be talking about all this CF stuff even though it feels important to me. This trigger happens a lot in my relationships, too, where I am expressing something that feels important to me but then I feel scared to be thought of as needy or crazy and I apologize for it or say never mind OR I turn it into an extremely rigid stance.

    Hmm I wonder what to do with this?

    Step 1. Send yourself love
    Step 2. …..?

  131.  #131Starla on May 31, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    Lizka, I LOVE when you run into an ex you are attracted to and you look amazing:D Ooooh this inspires me to look hot every damn day. <3 it! love love love hehe

  132.  #132Lizka on May 31, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    On another note, I decided that for me, June is gonna be the Do-Something-By-Yourself Month.

    Lately, I’ve been expecting a lot from my friends and even from ATW. It’s the summer and I want to do fun activities and I’m always asking my friends to go there and here.

    I decided that for the whole month of june, I’m gonna do everything I want to do by myself. Go to the beach, to the pool, shopping, yoga, whatever, by myself whenever I feel like and not gonna invite anyone. I will continue to accept the invites, but I am not going to send them. Just to rebalance my life a bit.

    So tomorrow this new month starts.

    And ATW just texted me good night. How sweet.

  133.  #133Lizka on May 31, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Oh Starla so true!! I want to look at my best every day now!

    And not only I was looking like a model, but I was having fun with my own life drink a strawberry daiquiri with two guy son a patio, justbeing happy and I’m happy he saw me like that.

    I want to be happy all the time and enjoy my life every day 🙂

  134.  #134Megan on May 31, 2012 at 7:10 pm


    could you please write a post about comparing ourselves to the gf/ex? I have fallen into this again and it is not good, it feels horrible.
    she seems better in every way….
    most importantly, the big ways that I have no control over…

  135.  #135Starla on May 31, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Lizka you are such an inspiration (again!)

  136.  #136Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Megan maybe this showed up to help you change your self talk?

  137.  #137Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Radical acceptance

  138.  #138Megan on May 31, 2012 at 8:17 pm


    I hear that self-talk is important, and I don’t disagree, it just feels to simple to be true.
    Like I’m just switching up the words to positive ones but the underlying message is the same…

    does this make sense?

  139.  #139Starla on May 31, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    I got bored with wondering about CF stuff and started working on my translation website. This feels so gratifying and exciting:)

  140.  #140Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Sirens, I had a really good talk with PriestCD tonight. I just felt so awkward about him maybe thinking that I wanted to get back together over lunch that I needed for myself to clear that up. Turns out he didn’t think that, but also realized that it would be more hurtful in the long run if he didn’t tell me upfront.

    He was really open and honest in answering the questions that I had for him, and when I thanked him, he said that that’s something he’s working on because he needs to be able to talk about things that feel uncomfortable.

    He said that, while it was important that he’d been considering the priesthood and it was important to him that I know that (holy cow, he’d never even told him parents! Two friends figured it out, and he told his new girlfriend when they were still just friends, and I was only the 4th person who knew!), he really was leaning more toward marriage & family when we met. He also said that, yes, it was partially an excuse to cover up the fact that he wasn’t falling in love with me.

    He told me how he came to be dating this woman who was just a friend. For him, it’s generally more important to be friends first and then to start dating. In fact, there was a period when he and I were dating that they were not in contact, by her choice, because she was feeling an increasing attraction and knew she needed to back off. They’ve been dating for a week, and he told her in the week before that he’d been thinking about dating her, but he just wasn’t ready yet. He said he doesn’t know exactly what changed in that next week. But basically, they’d grown close enough as friends that, with her being interested in him and other guys being interested in her, he decided to go for it.

    (I notice that he never mentioned feeling super-attracted to her…)

    Honestly, I felt really good hearing that he’d thought for a long time after the break-up that he wasn’t ready yet. It looks to me like I mattered to him more than I was thinking this week because he did take a while to be ready.

    He had some other nice things to say that indicate that he does still care and have a genuine concern for my welfare, and does actually want to be friends (so I’m not pushing friendship on him).

    I realized while talking to him and telling him some of the things that I’ve wanted to clear from the air for a while that I feel much more open to dating now. I’m still not ready for a new relationship, but I am closer than I was a few days ago!

  141.  #141Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    I still haven’t found the document. I found a 2 year old letter from K that I accidentally didn’t open. I sat up in bed to read it and relax. I just broke the bank two weeks ago to get “Pet Armor” flea treatment for my dogs. Both of them lay in bed next to me biting and scratching. The letter was a 5 page tirade about why I need to give up the dogs. It was anything but relaxing.

    So I gave up and here I am. Ugh. I feel exhausted and exasperated. This is so unfair. A loan officer shouldn’t be so irresponsible. If she tells me verbally over the phone “yes” and makes an appointment with me, then I shouldn’t have to stay up all night scrambling to find a piece of paper so I can pay my rent. I made a responsible decision to get an upgraded phone BASED on her yes. Otherwise, I would have gotten a $25 phone.

    I hope and pray this will work out. I hate this. I am surfacing so much negative stuff from my past on paper, like old traffic tickets, bills, etc. This is NOT what I need right now. Ugh.

  142.  #142Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    Megan it makes sense and I understand but try it before you knock. Your mind will eventually catch up. The change helped me to change my beliefs and made a world of difference for me.

  143.  #143LoveAlways on May 31, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    I feel so thankful that Amelia and her date were not harmed by those people. We can walk in beauty and seek positive, but we cannot ignore that opposite exists. Survival.

  144.  #144Starla on May 31, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    “Your mind will eventually catch up.” I agree 10038498%. Start with just sending yourself love. A general, sing-songy “love to me love to me love to me” plays in my head a lot.

  145.  #145LoveAlways on May 31, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    “You accept without judgment everyone and everything that happens, no matter what.” Yes, I feel this sometimes.

  146.  #146LoveAlways on May 31, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Rori said:

    …you just say to yourself:

    That happened.

    And accept that it happened. Regardless of “how.”

    Wow, this is a big step for me – this must be surrender – not controlling what is going on around you, to you, about you.

    I feel like I’m under water looking up at the sun . . . reaching

  147.  #147LoveAlways on May 31, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    I want that sun – I want to rise through and from the water and reach that power – surrender. “Regardless of how” is my healing. I have a lot of healing to do in this way. This feels warm like a hug.

  148.  #148LoveAlways on May 31, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    sweet dreams sweet sirens

  149.  #149Emoticon on May 31, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Hey, hope all Sirens had a great day…. feeling sick and realized something!!! Thank you sickness for yet another lesson. Every guy that heard that I was sick immediately went into “daddy mode” oh u should come back here let me take care of u! do u have someone there to take care of u?

    One of them laughed and said that i ALWAYS fall sick and he wouldnt come c me when im sick cuz he doesnt wanna catch it n so would never take care of me n pretty much jus ridiculed me today. I didn’t get mad, but i did get irritated with all the lols n jokes n what not and then when he stopped he wasnt saying much so i just got bored with the conversation altogether.


  150.  #150Emoticon on May 31, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    CD asked me 2 send him a love letter cuz he said couples dont send each other love letters anymore and i said thats sad sooo it toook me hours to send it cuz i ended up going shopping with some girlfriends but here it is lol

    Hi Shaune!!!

    First of all sorry i took so long to write this but i thought shopping might make me feel better…. *cough cough* *sneeze*….it didn’t.

    You know how much I love butterflies and i really do admire them. Don’t worry, this is about us. Remember the first time we really addressed each other? In case you don’t, it was on twitter and I was tweeting about that first day i learned to appreciate moths. Some girl had told me a few days before that moths were just misunderstood butterflies cuz i was telling her how much i hate them but love butterflies. I had NEVER before that seen a pretty moth, but that day that we talked I saw the cutest moth everrrr. It was soooo beautiful, i decided to give it a name (Ariana) and I was tweeting about that and u tweeted me for the first time ever and said “I smiled” so i said “I smiled back” and then u asked me 4 my number in a DM and thats how it all started :).

    What a special story. I cant wait to tell our baby butterflies about it.
    So there, you made me smile from the first word and still making me smile to this day!
    You’re more special to me than butterflies…. than UNICORNS even, cuz ur different than every single guy I have ever met in my whole entire life and I feel so lucky to have YOU in my life. You make me really happy and I hope I do the same for you. ((((((hugs))))))

    I know ive probably never told u this before but now is the perfect time to tell u Shaune/ Deshaune or wateva u want me 2 call u I LOVE U SO MUCH n im missing u like crazy right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Love Zan

    there are a few indside jokes in there like the unicorns n the “whateva u want me 2 call u” etc lol

  151.  #151Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    A heart filled with love is like a
    phoenix that no cage can imprison..
    (¯`v´¯) …․ ․ . . .`•
    `*.¸.*.♥.✿´´~ Rumi~¯`
    ☼•*❤*•°•❥ℒƠѵℯ & Hugz..☆ . ƸӜƷ¸.☆.

  152.  #152Tereana on May 31, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    Agh. I hope I just didn’t totally screw things up. I’ve really been spending a lot of time, feeling what’s in my body. Getting to the center of my feelings, wondering what that’s about – ambivalence, anxiety, fear. And I realized I just like him. I think that’s about it. I like him, and the fact that I like him makes me nervous.

    So…I really wanted to wait for him to text me. I really, really did. I was all, “I’m gonna be the sireny whatever!” And not write to him. But I wrote to him.

    But I wrote him a feeling message! Which means…he can respond how he wants to. I do not feel attached to any outcome now. I simply told him, “I feel nervous.” I didn’t even say why, though I was going to. I was going to say that it was because I like him. But I’ll wait until he asks. If he asks. If I even hear from him again.

    I’m tempted to say I’m bad at this, but I don’t know. I’m really just practicing. In a way, it feels good. It feels good to speak my truth and say how I’m feeling. I don’t have to wonder if it’s “acceptable.” Of course it’s acceptable. Because it’s me. I am a mysterious, fabulous, gorgeous – and by the way totally MARRIAGEABLE – woman. Oh yes, he wants me. He wants me so much, that he is afraid to speak to me, too.

    What if my feeling message can open the door? What if it can make it possible for us to talk? Who knows what about. I don’t have an agenda. But what if we can talk about what’s in our hearts? I don’t know about you, but that feels exciting to think about. Exciting and a little bit scary. And I feel ready to try. Maybe I can “go there.”

    Of course I feel afraid. But if it doesn’t work out with him, fine. I’ll be okay. No matter what happens. I’ll be fine…

  153.  #153Tereana on May 31, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    I told him I liked him. And he said. “oh :)”

  154.  #154Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 10:06 pm


    That’s beautiful and sweet! Thanks for sharing!

  155.  #155Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    Well I managed to locate my paystubs for the job last year…maybe they will accept that instead of the W-2 form for the same job. I also found my original lease with a nice welcome letter from my landlords. The loan company seems to want blood!

  156.  #156Tereana on May 31, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    And there’s more…I’m glad I wrote. I don’t feel “leaning forward”…I feel nice. It opened a nice conversation. I feel happy. I feel happy for me. I feel happy that I am me. I feel gratitude toward myself. Yay, me!

  157.  #157Tereana on May 31, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    I am so funny. I make me laugh. If I was a guy, I would love me, too! I wonder what I’ve been doing all this time making myself feel like a worthless pile of nothing? There is seriously nothing wrong with me. There is everything GREAT with me. And I’m awesome and wonderful. And I’m amazing.

    Turned out that he had some family stuff. Which I didn’t ask too much about, because I don’t know much about his family yet. Said he had to “keep his head” until it’s over. Whatever that means.

    Well, I guess he’s just going to be a guy, and go into his “man mode,” and resurface when it’s all okay, and when he suddenly realizes, d*mn, where’s my woman? I want to see my woman! And then he’s going to take me to a movie or something and it’s going to be all sweet and lovely, and I’m going to like it.

    In fact, it may work out great, because he might just leave me alone all during my period, which is kind of when I want to be left alone anyway (shhh, don’t tell the guys). lol

    It’s all good. It really is all good. All good, good, good, good good. And I like it. It is good.

  158.  #158Daria on June 1, 2012 at 12:45 am

    i feel excited !

    the ereason most of us feel so emotionally unfulfilled most of the time is cuz we’re nutritionally malnourished!


    we need to get our money immediately together and buy grass fed meats and high quailty foods!

    omg my body is malnutritrioned


  159.  #159Daria on June 1, 2012 at 12:47 am

    im making fringe out of the worn cuffs of my sweater!

    its gonna go from worn to fly!


  160.  #160Daria on June 1, 2012 at 12:53 am

    im feeling DESERVING of massages

    also ive realized this guy acted like i wasnt a girly girl when i was 6 and i realize now i am and whenever im with a guy now i just think Girly girl and i have so much fun

  161.  #161Daria on June 1, 2012 at 12:56 am

    i read this Dominique article where she said to keep the heart soft and that really encouraged me to do so and i GET it now in a physical way soft, and that helps so much ahhhh


    so that i dont shut down


    also cried a lto today


  162.  #162Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 1:09 am

    You can usually return your phone for a full refund within 14 days if it came down to the wire with $$

  163.  #163Daria on June 1, 2012 at 1:13 am

    im feeling the fringe it looks beautiful

  164.  #164Rebecca on June 1, 2012 at 1:18 am


    ” you are NOT in charge of how the relationship goes.”

    Hmmm… This statement triggers me and makes me feel weak and full of anger.. Hmm… I wonder what it is showing up for ne to heal..

    I want to feel control to feel safe and secure. I DON’T want to feel insecure.. Hmm… I wonder why this istriggeting me..

  165.  #165Rebecca on June 1, 2012 at 1:36 am

    Sallythatgirl – I am very intrigued and inspired by your response to me. I hope to be able to let things go without going over and over them in my head. Which is what I am currently doing. Also, it has bought up my abusive relationships from the past and how much they have damaged me – and how unlucky I have been. That or I am doing something majorly wrong!! That is what I am here to try and find out I guess. At the moment it all makes a lot of sense to me, but I feel dejected as it doesn’t work in practise.

  166.  #166Rebecca on June 1, 2012 at 2:03 am

    It’s weird everyone who knows me thinks that I am an ultra confident, on top of things woman, who speak her own mind, is very independant and doesn’t need a man. But underneath it all I am the EXACT opposite – when it comes to men I am the lowest of the low. I let them treat me really badly – and I ALWAYS fall into bad situations. Situations that my friends would never, ever allow themselves to get in to. Why do I? It is SO mysterious to me??! I KNOW I am a PEOPLE PLEASER and I go out of my way to make people happy. I would much rather they be happy, than me be happy. I allow people to treat me badly, and I still look at the positives in them when they are treating me badly. Why??? Why am I such a NICE person all the time??!!!

  167.  #167Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 2:12 am

    Rebecca you are a woman. You naturally want to give. All you need is to find out what works with men and experiment with that. Show your vulnerable side.

  168.  #168Daria on June 1, 2012 at 2:24 am

    wow me!

    i made fringes of both sleeves of my old sweater and it looks way more feminine!

    i feel so soft in it i feel a lil uncomfortable!

    im not used to the sleeves feeling so soft

  169.  #169Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 2:26 am

    April Rose I would look at past relationships to see if there was a cycle of yearning. Even with your dad. See if you can uncover some kind of belief that might keep your creatin this pattern. Do you believe love is hard to come by, or it has to be earned? Or you tend to want what you can’t have? Were often denied things as a child?

  170.  #170Ella on June 1, 2012 at 2:38 am

    Um so Feeling a bit cra8ppy this morning.

    MWC texted me last night that he hopes I got home safely and he loves me and called me this morning but I missed the call and then just called me again from work but couldn’t really talk cus of being at work.

    I do feel a little bit bad about leaving his last night because it was his birthday… but by then all this ex stuff had come up so it wasn’t ideal anyway. And I didn’t feel comfortable staying.

    I feel super PIST at this woman who is insisting on throwing her weight around.

    Before all this happened I had asked him if he would introduce us, because when she dropped the dog off in the mornings and I was there in the house I would feel awkward.

    So he spoke to her and she said no she doesn’t want to be introduced.

    She knows we are together and yet she is leaving messages on his facebook with more kisses than my message had… and gifts on his door with love hearts on the card.


    She has also left him with a pile of debt… well that is he asked her to leave and is still paying off the debts she ran up, which is affecting us.

    Why is she still even around?

    Ok, so they have a dog, that they kinda of time share, like a child… so fine… but why is she acting like she has some kind of special rights to him and his home and life.

    I just feel so confused.

    Because I honestly don’t believe it is mutual… I don’t think he feels like that about her… but then why does she feel she has the green light to send messages like that?

    I know, I know, its a free country….

    But GGRRRRRR FFS I just feel so angry.

    I don’t want involved, hostile ex’s around.

    I don’t want to be involved with someone who has an attached ex!

    He asked me how he should deal with it.

    But I am not telling him what to do. He will need to figure this one out for himself.

    But the message needs to be clear cus she is obviously not getting it.

    I get that he doesn’t want to rock the boat, however he is gonna have to deal with this, IF he wants what he has with me, which I hope/suspect he does.

    There are no ultimatums, its just I know I won’t tolerate this… another woman in our lives behaving like this.

    I feel SO ANGRY.

    My Warrior Woman inside feels like retaliating.. I feel like making a comment on the one she left on his Facebook.

    Something like ‘Wow, this feels inappropriate!’

    Ha. That would feel good.

    But I feel pretty unsure.

    Um. I can’t believe he hasn’t taken the comment down! 🙁

  171.  #171Daria on June 1, 2012 at 2:39 am

    i prefer i naturally want to share

  172.  #172Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 3:17 am


    162 – Thanks, but in this case there is a $50 reshelving fee that I signed for. I don’t want to throw away $50.

    More importantly, I think this loan officer should be responsible for her words. If it is a game of bait and switch, I want to call her on it.

    I specifically said I am calling from a T Mobile store to know about the loan so I can make a decision as to which phone to get. I bought an upgrade in good faith, based on what she told me. And I love the phone.

    But I intend to press the issue. I gave MY word to my landlords about when they would get the rent. I was not the one being irresponsible – she was, in telling me yes, come in at such and such a time to sign for it, and then telling me no. Ok, so she was supposedly rushed and made a mistake. But it’s her mistake. I don’t want to pay for her mistake.

  173.  #173Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 3:18 am

    I feel like a bundle of nerves. I slept horribly. I can’t help but feel stressed when I planned my budget so carefully and a careless woman possibly screwed it up.

  174.  #174Daria on June 1, 2012 at 3:21 am




    you are so healthy

    i love living in this body1

    it feels soooo comfortable




  175.  #175Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 3:22 am


    164 – “” you are NOT in charge of how the relationship goes.””

    This bugs me, too. Sometimes I feel frustrated that I can’t just ask a man out on a Friday night if I want a date.

    I feel so tense. Money is a very emotional issue for me. Along with not being trained how to be in relationships, I was not trained how to manage money. I took a course last year and worked closely with a financial counselor. I have progressed light years, but I feel frustrated because I have such a backlog of financial issues that they keep kicking my butt.

  176.  #176Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 3:29 am


    166 – I tend to be a people pleaser too. One thing I’ve done to break away from that unhealthy mold is to choose situations for myself when I stand up for myself. Matter of fact, this loan situation is currently one of them.

    In the past, I would have gone belly up and just backed off and said it’s ok, I’m sorry, etc. This time I sat in her office saying, “I feel frustrated. I was told I was approved for the loan. I expected to walk out of your office with a check today. I have made plans around that expectation.”

    She said it’s not up to her, the computer system for the company tells her what documentation is required. So I decided to try my best last night, and I feel good about finding pay stubs. I also sent emails and left voicemails, asking the company to fax the W-2 Form to them.

    If she still doesn’t accept it, I am pressing the issue because I was given a verbal yes, and that should be honored.

    Anyway, back to being a people pleaser…I started with small things…like I would return food if something was wrong with it at a restaurant, or if I was seated in a restaurant in a booth I didn’t like, for whatever reason…I stepped out of my comfort zone by asking politely if I could please move. I was a server, so I know that can be irritating to have to clean a table, switch to another server’s section, etc.

    But practicing with little things like that has built a space within me that says, “I matter. My thoughts and feelings matter. I have a right to speak up.”

  177.  #177Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 3:30 am


    I feel intrigued…what type of metal are you hugging? 🙂

  178.  #178Ella on June 1, 2012 at 3:34 am


    Anyway we are dealing with it.

    Me and him.

    And that feels good.

    Like a team.

    And I just spoke with him and used FMs obviously and he has made some suggestions of what he will do to take care of this.

    I feel glad that we can work on this as a team and he is wanting to fix this for me.

    I feel SUPER mad at her.

    Sorry, cussing alert… I need to just let my drama Queen up for a minute…

    Like who the F8CK does she think she is??

    Stupid little Biatch! Well she can just f8ck right off. Silly, misguided cow.

    How dare she try to do that.

    How dare she intrude on our relationship where she was not invited.

    And refusing to meet me as well!!!!!

    And of course on some level I do feel compassion for her, even now, as a woman who obviously still has unreciporacted feelings for a man,

    But right now I am just feeling too angry and threatened (well that is easing)…

    I just want to GRAAAAOOOOR at her.

    She can F off.

    But… at least me and him are working through this together… who knows it could even make us stronger?!

    I do feel compassion for her.

    But I am not ready to really feel that feeling yet.

    And of course there is the fear… what ifs, comparing and what ifs… but they are more like NVs and I am not willing to buy into that.

    It has made me MORE determined to be fabolous and even more sexy though… and live my most fabolous, romantic and glamorous life!

    So Fuoey to her and I vote for me!

  179.  #179Lizka on June 1, 2012 at 3:35 am


    It’s the 1st of Do-something-by-yourself Month!

    So tonight, whatever if RamadanCD haven’t confirmed our date, I’m coming back home and will date myself and give myself a pedicure and watch a movie, one that ATW usually doesn’t want to watch with me. I feel excited about this night with myself almost as much as before a date with ATW. 🙂

    Good day sirens!!

  180.  #180Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 3:38 am


    170 – If I were in your situation, I would let him solve it, as you are doing. I would also give strong feeling messages and I want/don’t want statements…I wonder if you have done that?

    I would say something like, “I feel angry seeing gifts at the door and hearts and kisses all over the place from another woman. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I am playing second fiddle to another woman. What do you think?”


    “I feel awful when I visit your FB page and see hearts and kisses from another woman. In fact, I feel downright angry. It would feel so good if you wouldn’t tolerate this.”

    If I saw that behavior in another woman, I would wonder if she was either trying to disrupt my relationship or win him back…or both.

  181.  #181Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 3:45 am

    “The cure for anything is salt water:

    sweat, tears, or the sea.”

    ~ from “The Only Way Is Up”

  182.  #182Ella on June 1, 2012 at 4:12 am

    Radllove thanks so much for responding.

    I feel seen and heard and loved 🙂

    Yes… I have been using loads of FMs and strong don’t want statements…

    I have said those things… and he is hearing me and seems to totally get it.

    And yes I do totally think she is trying to get him back or interfere with what we have.

    She used to send the dog back sprayed in her perfume!

    Owww, I feel uncomfortable even writing that.

    I feel sorry for her but there is NO WAY I am letting her in to damage our relationship. I have worked hard on me… I am sympathetic to her but she is going to have to work this out elsewhere. Not with me… I don’t want her anywhere near what we have.

    So yes of course leaning back and letting him sort this all out…

    It gets worse.

    As well as the debts she left I have just found out that there is still a joint account… well one that she has and uses, but still has his name on… and apparently the other day she took a payday loan on that account cus the bank spoke to him…

    I feel flabbergasted.

    I feel shocked and suprised that he has not tied up these very important loose ends.

    I know he has had his own stuff going on but really??!!!!!!

    Does he want to go on paying for her debts and mistakes for ever?

    Anyway I have basically said that I feel very unsettled about it and that if it was me in his position I would feel very disturbed. I also said that I would feel very hesitant about getting my future all tied on with this type of situation and that I don’t want these kind of things to come back and bite us later… and I asked what he thinks…

    He is working now so we will talk later.

    Just another sad story of how messy things can get, esp when there is addiction (hers) involved.

  183.  #183Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Ella I believe that an ex, is almost always “there”. For me the question is what is coming up inside of me and what those feelings are trying to tell me.

  184.  #184Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Ella the joint account issue is reminding me of FlowerChild’s house situation with her fiance (may he RIP)

  185.  #185Arrowofthyme on June 1, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Wow this entry was so perfectly timed. I’ve been slowly healing from an ex – its been a month now. I’m on the same dating site where I found him and trying to be open but my heart is still not into it. I went on one date and the guy was so lackluster, but I practiced my feeling statements even though I was bored and kept comparing him to the ex who was more charming.

    It ended because he had limitations to how deep he could go emotionally but since all of my rori raye steps really helped him to commit to me, there’s still this residual guilt that I could have done more, been stronger and guided the relationship better. We aren’t speaking and the more time away from him, the harder it is to not idealize his best qualities.

    Until yesterday. The dating site literally matched me with him. And his new photos were all pictures I had taken of him on our dates. One was from valentines day. They weren’t romantic moments in the photo but it was still tacky and I felt stunned. I had been having trouble deleting his photos from my phone and meanwhile he was looking at them and thinking ” wow, so glad I dated whatshername cause now I have all these fun photos of ME! I hope they get me some action”

    I was able to delete my photos of him shortly after no problem. But I feel angry and like I want to control the situation. He has never been malicious – he’s more like so clueless he ends up hurting me. I l ow it was a reminder I had dodged a bullet but it hurts, the disconnect between where he is and where I am.

    I’m trying to refocus but my thoughts keep going back to what he’s offering someone new and the loss. It’s the weirdest thing. I dumped him! Sigh.

  186.  #186Arrowofthyme on June 1, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Wow this entry was so perfectly timed. I’ve been slowly healing from an ex – its been a month now. I’m on the same dating site where I found him and trying to be open but my heart is still not into it. I went on one date and the guy was so lackluster, but I practiced my feeling statements even though I was bored and kept comparing him to the ex who was more charming.

    It ended with the ex because he had limitations to how deep he could go emotionally but since all of my rori raye steps really helped him to commit to me, there’s still this residual guilt that I could have done more, been stronger and guided the relationship better. We aren’t speaking and the more time away from him, the harder it is to not idealize his best qualities.

    Until yesterday. The dating site literally matched me with him. And his new photos were all pictures I had taken of him on our dates. One was from valentines day.

    They weren’t romantic moments in the photo but it was still tacky and I felt stunned. I had been having trouble deleting his photos from my phone and meanwhile he was looking at them and thinking ” wow, so glad I dated whatshername cause now I have all these fun photos of ME! I hope they get me some action”

    I was able to delete my photos of him shortly after no problem. But I feel angry and like I want to control the situation. He has never been malicious – he’s more like so clueless he ends up hurting me. I l ow it was a reminder I had dodged a bullet but it hurts, the disconnect between where he is and where I am. I feel invisible.

    I’m trying to refocus but my thoughts keep going back to what he’s offering someone new and the loss. It’s the weirdest thing. I dumped him! Sigh. It’s the lack of control.

  187.  #187Starla on June 1, 2012 at 7:05 am

    I feel sad, I miss CF, what a bunch of bullsh*t, i’m going to channel that energy into getting ready for my day and looking cute. I can see how I am starting to abandon myself for my sadness a little bit and I’d better nip it in the bud.


  188.  #188T-Girl on June 1, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Radlove re: financial issues,

    I recommend reading Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover. It has totally changed the way I view money. I also took his Financial Peace University through my church which was awesome!

  189.  #189Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 7:19 am


    Hi. I guess you chose this name for a reason. About the pictures, could you have been possibly overfunctioning do that? I ask because it reminds me of a long time girlfriends relationship where her then boyfriend took hundreds of pictures of her. I am just wondering if it is a masculine thing where maybe a man will do those things when he is besotted by a woman and this is his way of cherishing her? If so then could a woman be operating in masculine energy when doing that? Especially if one is into photography.

  190.  #190Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 7:21 am

    I wonder sometimes how I play out the “victim” in my life when certain themes keep resurfacing?

  191.  #191Tam on June 1, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Hmmm…so supposedly men are easy to work out since they do what they want and so on. Women (so everyone says) are complicated.
    Actually, strangely, I find that my experience has taught me quite the opposite. I know what I want. Mr unavailable, who can’t handle a full on relationship, however, makes sure he contacts me once a week or fortnight, so that I don’t run away completely and I still think in the back of my mind ‘oh, this is my man, things will work out once he realises etc’, which is not right and even if it is I should not feel like this, like on a string!!!

    But it doesn’t matter how many men I meet and date and like, I can’t help but compare and they just never measure up…not just in one department but in many. And he told me – with different words – that he has the same experience.

    But I manage to fool myself for a few days and try to forget him, put him on my horse and blah – and then I get a message from him, saying that he looks forward to seeing me again – and all falls to pieces. Well, we are at long distance now, and I know once we are in the same place again, he will pursue me, take me out, make me have a great time..and right at the last ‘hurdle’ (full-on commitment) he will bolt. Or will he? It’s getting closer and closer to the real thing. But he will not be rushed, and he likes to keep his options open, so I do not contact or chase at all.
    Deep down, I lean back and have this feeling in my soul that we will get together eventually, and that we will be happy (are very similar in many ways, and totally comfy with each other)… Ladies, I just know it and I can’t even say I am deluding myself….because sometimes I even feel from afar that he knows it too. Mad, Mad, mad??? I feel mad for admitting it!! Deluded me?
    @Starla, if if if he did not contact me anymore, like your CF, I would find it easier to move on because I would say that he had moved on also…
    Pre-Rori, in your situation, I would have contacted ‘my’ CF also, and I did. And it just made him withdraw and get anrgy, so what you said before about now having to question yourself and not wanting to initiate contact, whereas before you’d have done that. I feel it makes no difference when we contact them, from experience nothing changes because I think if there is some kind of a pull, he will be back. If not, he won’t….

  192.  #192Tam on June 1, 2012 at 7:29 am

    and tomorrow I am meeting a CD, finally, after some dating abstinence..I call him BaldCD, he is English and super funny…physically not at all my type, but he is calm and funny and we have nice conversations…so now I will preen myself a little, and try to put Mr Unavailable right on my horses backside, so that he has to dig his fingernails in to stay on. HAAAA!!! 🙂
    So there!! Defiant me.

  193.  #193Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 7:40 am

    ReceivingGirl are you okay?

  194.  #194Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Hi, This is Rori…

    My husband once seemed like a mystery I couldn’t solve, like a puzzle with missing pieces, and with a brick wall where his heart should be.

    He seemed impossible to get to know – and more important – impossible for me to show my real, true self to.

    I remember when he’d walk by me with an air that reeked of “cold” to me.

    My first instinct was to anger – “How dare you!” I wanted to scream. “If you want to talk to me, come to me – don’t make me follow you around!” And then I got it…

    What I “got” was that my husband going “cold” is either:

    He’s angry and upset with me, and doesn’t know how to say it; or,

    He’s angry and upset with something that has NOTHING to do with me.

    So – the “old” me would jump right in imagining that this is all about ME.

    I’d go over everything that happened with us in the last 24 hours, and try to fix it by thinking up something nice to do for him – like suggesting something fun to do, or initiating affection or sex, or just plain chatting to “lighten”the mood.

    I’d go into “Overfunctioning” mode, which would just push him away more. (As I explain and help you with in my Have the Relationship You Want ebook, “Overfunctioning”is one of the biggest ways we push our men away).

    Or – I’d get angry right back. “What right does he have to get all ‘moody’ with me?” I’d ask myself.

    Sound familiar? I’d jump right into “defensive thinking.”

    Now (and I’ve been able to do this since I turned my marriage around nearly 15 years ago), I just go do something for myself that feels GREAT. I breathe, I use my Tools to regain my sense of Power and get back into my body, my heart and my life.

    Usually, within an hour, my husband chases ME down and starts a conversation.


    To learn how to create love instead of dry it up, to inspire a man to love you more instead of making him feel hesitant, to get passionate about him where once you might have been “bored” – and to cement his interest in you and affection toward you into a lifelong, totally committed relationship – you’ll want to check out my “Love Forever Teleclass Membership Program==>>

    For right now…


    1. Catch yourself wherever you are, whatever you’re thinking or feeling that’s a reaction to what your man is doing – for example: either feeling angry, defensive, frightened that he’s losing interest, or starting to “Overfunction”(offering him something like food, or a massage, or asking him how he’s feeling, or picking up after him…)

    2. Stop. Just absolutely STOP.

    3. Breathe

    4. Stand totally still and Find Your Feelings – for now just see if you can find a feeling or a sensation in your body. It will help you feel more grounded, and stop you from following your normal pattern of reacting to him in ways that don’t work.

    5. Turn around. Find something to do for YOU.

    If you’re feeling uncomfortable and strange when you do this – GREAT! It means you’re on your way to shifting your relationship.

    To really get guidance and support – and to get YOUR questions answered and your situation addressed personally by me, check out my “Love Forever” Teleclass Membership Program here==>>

    Let me know how it feels for you to “ignore”your man, and I’d love to know what he does…!

    Love, Rori

  195.  #195Emoticon on June 1, 2012 at 7:58 am

    FW thanks for posting this. The word BORED stuck out to me. Because my pattern with one CD is, i get angry…. then i get bored. But maybe im bored because instead of doing something to entertain myself, i wait for him to entertain me.

  196.  #196boasgirl on June 1, 2012 at 7:59 am

    today –

    today i am feeling very sad, and a bit allergic,

    going out for dinner with friends, have to make a salad –

    kind of feel like staying at home, but i accepted the invitation, and maybe it will be nice

    looking for a change – a step forward –

    no cds – i rejected a couple –

    feeling a lack of energy

  197.  #197Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 8:02 am

    boasgirl some time ago Rori wrote an article about what to do to take care of our health, such as eliminating sugar. You might wish to look at that to see if there is something you might be able to do change your internal ecosystem.

  198.  #198Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Before I end this email, I would like to share another story.

    After one of my coaching sessions with Carol, she introduced me to Larry Michel.

    Larry has an AMAZING program called MatchMatrix (more about that in a second).
    Now Larry is also a friend of my beloved and we were going to invite him to dinner.

    When we reached out to make plans, he offered to run a report for the two of us.

    Larry focuses on the Energetics of a Relationship.

    You might be thinking, what’s that?

    Energetics has to do with our compatibility at a “core” energy level.

    How we communicate
    How we run our lives
    How we handle money and our relationship to money
    How we related in our intimacy & sexual relation

    Ultimately this report helped define our similarities and how we can support each other.

    Once again, I’m not much a believer in this woowoo stuff or science.

    But Larry was dead on, I mean his work is unbelievable.

    Nicknamed “The Love Finder” Larry Michel is the Founder of the School of Genetic Energetics, and a Master ERP (Energetic Relationship Professional). He is a breakthrough relationship coach, trainer, speaker, entrepreneur, producer, radio show host, and author. Larry has one primary objective for all of us… get fully present, embrace what you are with complete love (flaws included) and enjoy every precious moment.
    You can learn more about Larry, just CLICK HERE

    Well there you have it, my “go to” coaches.

  199.  #199boasgirl on June 1, 2012 at 8:17 am

    yeah, maybe … thank you, Femininewoman 🙂

    i will look and see what i can find …

    other than that, i guess the pollen season is quite heavy this year, where i live –

    but it’s great to see if there are things i can do!

  200.  #200Ella on June 1, 2012 at 8:24 am

    FW, do you know where the article is that Rori wrote about how to look after our health pls?

  201.  #201Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 8:24 am

    198 is from, John Aslay

  202.  #204Ella on June 1, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Thanks 🙂

  203.  #206Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 8:46 am

    It’s a pretty magical thing learning to engage one muscle in your body when you’re used to using another one for the same thing. I have to close my eyes. I have to imagine where that muscle is, what it feels like to engage it.

    That’s why Circular Dating works. That’s why all of these baby-steps and Tools work. Because they are about getting into different — new to you –muscles in your body. Ones you haven’t used much lately. Undoing compensatory torque is about resurrecting the power of muscles, fibers, nerves, impulses, energy patterns that have been left to wither. It’s about renewing a connection with parts of your body that have been ignored. Parts of your body that have gotten so tight and tense that they don’t work anymore.

    Begin with your dreams, your spirit, and your power. It’s time to get reconnected to those parts of yourself that have been left to wither. You still have them. They’re still there. Now — let’s get them working!

    Start with a tennis ball — use it on your feet, use it on your back, use it along with your fingers to explore and experiment, gently, all over your body.

    Now imagine what it would be like to do the same for your heart, your dreams, and your emotions.

    Imagine if you could massage the place where you’re stuck in the “blues,” and bring your joy back to life again! What if the blues are really just compensatory torque because your joy muscle is just not working anymore? What if none of this is your fault and this whole pattern got started at a moment where you had no power to decide whether it was going to change your life or not?

    Well — you have the power now!

    This is why I do not believe in the time line of healing that most people promote. I believe in the steps of grief and recovery. But I don’t believe they have a timeline attached.. I believe that you can have a horrific breakup — even a divorce after 20 years — and start healing yourself in ways you may never have thought of, like Circular Dating, in a week. This is not to say you’re going to feel fantastic in that first week or that first month or even that first year — at least not all the time.

    I believe in time off, I believe in vacations, I believe in retreats, and I also believe that none of those things in themselves help heal you. It’s always what you do in the moment you’re IN that can help heal you and change your life.

    So start now discovering your patterns — your physical patterns, your emotional patterns, the way you move, where you go, what you do. Notice what you’re doing that is stuck. That is holding you back. That’s running in a rut. That’s just digging your pattern deeper and deeper and deeper.

    I wish I could send Kelly out to you all, and what I’ll do is just turn what I’m learning into something that can help us all in a big way.

    Happy exploring, happy discovering, and please tell me what you’re finding out about your compensatory torque — where it is and the steps and baby steps and tools you’re using to unwind it. Don’t look for the “why” — just experiment and see what you find. Let me know!

    Love, Rori

  204.  #207Jessie1000 on June 1, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Watch out for internal perfectionism

    Watch out for the anxiety that comes from believing you not being able to maintain perfect behaviours over a time period…usually first few months it is sort of attainable.

    Watch out for believing that perfect women get great men and great relationships.

    Its not true although your inner monologues might scream that!

    Watch out that believing you have been a perfect girl friend, he should want to commit, marry and keep you forever.

    There is no guarantee.

    Love yourself and even your imperfections.

    Let your guards down and show them your weaknesses and vulnerability….it wont guarantee a great relationship but it guarantees authenticity.

    You will always be a mystery if you dont open up.

    No one can fall in love with someone they dont know. Even if its not all wonderful.

    Its the quirky and unique things that people grow to love about us.

    Its the ways we are different not the ways that we are perfect that makes us bond to each other.

    Having friends, good friends that love us as we are is refreshing.

    Let your guard down with all people! Be surprised! Let yourself be surprised that people will love you for just you. And for trying not to be perfect but trying to be you!

    Perfectionism is the highest reason for despair and anxiety.

    Not because other people wont accept us for us, but because we believe we are not good enough….cause your standards are so high for ourselves, they are constantly frustrating our abilities to find authenticity.

    I feel ok that I am a single mom.

    I feel Ok that I got divorced. Its better to be divorced that to have lived with someone for 20 years who treated me bad.

    Kisses ya allllll….

  205.  #208lk on June 1, 2012 at 8:55 am

    ella, i feel you ! yesterday cd’s exgf (7yr live-in) emailed him… including the line, ” it will be hard to pretend i don’t exist in your new life when i’m at the front door” eeeeeee help i love my man & i trust him to handle this in a way that is respectful of our relationship : ) still, i do feel angry ! i do feel…. scared ! & …….. oh what is it that i really feel ? i feel sad for her. i feel annoyed by her lack of respect for me. i feel curious to see how cd will handle it. pretty good. i do feel good anyway, even though i feel a little “stressed” by the situation…. (((((((Ella))))))))

  206.  #209Starla on June 1, 2012 at 8:58 am

    I feel so full of regret
    I never told CF how much I truly wanted him and cared for him.
    I didn’t make his feelings very important.
    I was just concerned with my own self not getting hurt — my own triggers and baggage.

    I want to tell him.
    I wish he would just contact me so I could do it without having to risk really irritating him.

    I feel so lost

    Thank you, ladies, for letting me have this space.

    And also, I noticed I only really worry about this stuff so intensely when I’m stuck at work.

  207.  #210Starla on June 1, 2012 at 9:02 am

    woah, lk, yikes. that girl sounds undesirable. “i will stalk you.” lol, no thank you.

  208.  #211lk on June 1, 2012 at 9:02 am

    after he told me he just said can i have a hug & he said thank you for listening, i feel stressed… & then he said, i do feel bad for her… she sounds cr8zy… but i feel excited for my life with you & when i woke up i told him i had bad dreams about it & he said he felt bad too & he cuddled me… now i’m feeling the “jealousy waves” rising up in me, but for some reason it feels pretty easy to “surf” them instead of “drowning” under them………. cool : ) thank you, universe for showing me this new way to feel this way ! feels exciting & i feel good. i even feel good imagining that she comes & he takes her back because i know i’m so cool that i will just smile & be gracious & find a new path to my dream life !! : )

  209.  #212lk on June 1, 2012 at 9:06 am

    starla…….. i do feel weird & confused by it…& i feel weird hearing that a woman wrote that ! ………… it feels so ……………. well, it feels “designed” to NOT have the expressed needs met…. like… the style of communication / tone are saying, ” do not help me. stay away from me ” even when her message is saying, ” help me, i want connection”

  210.  #213Starla on June 1, 2012 at 9:10 am

    lk, that’s totally personality disorder behavior. i dunno though… i’m not a shrink.

  211.  #214Emoticon on June 1, 2012 at 9:13 am

    CD that i wrote the letter to said that its the best thing he has ever woke up to. 🙂

  212.  #215Starla on June 1, 2012 at 9:14 am

    f*cking holy sh*t, I feel so confused and distraught by this CF stuff.

    I can’t wait for this day to be over so I can do something aside from sit in one place and feel like something is deeply wrong. sigh.

  213.  #216boasgirl on June 1, 2012 at 9:18 am



  214.  #217Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 9:19 am

    In a healthy relationship, both people are emotionally healthy individuals who are happy to be together, and aren’t playing head games.
    When, on the other hand, one person pulls away, and the other one chases this relationship is based on games and deceit.
    And if you want to ensure that your relationship is lasting and healthy, you need to recognize that distance can be healthy when moderated.

  215.  #218Starla on June 1, 2012 at 9:19 am

    i have the skills and the knowledge to take care of myself and minimize my anxieties when I’m feeling this way, but I feel really uneasy about ignoring such strong feelings. I don’t want to be a fool and ignore my own intense feelings/inspirations.

    I have a lot of growing to do still. Right now it’s like I have to choose between myself and my heart. To shut up my heart for the sake of my whole self. I want to be able to choose both without jeopardizing the health of one or the other.

  216.  #219lk on June 1, 2012 at 9:35 am

    starla, i do see her side in some ways…. she left a lot of boxes in the basement (went to another state) & asked that the boxes be shipped & they have not yet been shipped. cd does not have it as a priority (it would take us several trips into town & it would cost many hundreds of dollars)….

    cd feels she chose to leave without warning, she chose to leave boxes behind, & he thinks she has very minimal rights to have him doing favors for her. she is also (for some reason) very angry that he is dating someone new ???? HELLO that is what happens when you leave a good man. they find another partner. we are both confused by her baffled reaction lol…

    also, she didn’t work while they were together but she wants half of his “stuff”. i think that’s great, she can have half his student loans ! hoorah, win-win lol


  217.  #220Brandylion on June 1, 2012 at 9:37 am

    I feel warm and soft, open and buoyant. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. 🙂

  218.  #221Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 9:40 am

    LK these words “very angry that he is dating someone new ??” kind of jumped at me in your comments. Are they your words or are they hers? I feel curious because I somehow thought you were beyond the just “dating” stage. Please ignore if you wish as I realize it is your business not mine. I just feel curious.

  219.  #222Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Yayy Brandylion

  220.  #223Starla on June 1, 2012 at 9:42 am

    lol she can have half of my student loans too while she’s at it 😀

  221.  #224lk on June 1, 2012 at 9:51 am

    femininewoman, those are my words. she has said things to him like, ” i can only imagine what it must feel like to waltz into the life we spent years building ” or something…. & she says it makes her uncomfortable to imagine me living in a house with furnishings she used to live with (or something??) …. but actually, we don’t really have any furniture around from when they were together except like the television & the couch…. cd cleaned everything out & “started fresh” & now *my* furniture is there….. so… anyway, she is also angry because he asked her not to call the house out of respect for me….. she’s mad.

    except… & this is the ” cr8zy ” part — she is not always Mad. sometimes, she is just normal, diplomatic, polite…… i think mostly, she is a lovely person. i think probably sometimes when she is living at home, wondering what she did with the past 7 years of her life, she becomes Angry-feeling & lashes out at him…

    sorry this is random-sounding, but i do appreciate any feedback, femininewoman : ))

  222.  #225Ella on June 1, 2012 at 9:53 am

    lk re 208.

    Wow. Thank You for posting about that.

    Your responses feel inspiring to me.

    Yes MWC’s ex was a 7 year live in too! Spooky.

    Anyway we are ok now… the way he has handled it just makes me feel so safe and loved.

    It has literally made me feel melty and soft and suprised.

    And I feel like it has only made us stronger!

    All because of how we both responded.

    I doubt if she will just gracefully fade out or step back… but hey, you never know.

    And the great thing is I feel like a team with MWC in how we are handling this.


  223.  #226Starla on June 1, 2012 at 9:56 am

    I am going to close this blog window and just focus on the work I have in front of me at the office for a little while. There’s nothing I can do about CF *right now* while I’m at the office and I need to shift my focus and vibe back to myself and other things that are important to me.

  224.  #227ulii on June 1, 2012 at 9:59 am

    I just have to share this that recently made me feel angry and worthless.

    From an e-mail exchange with a movie-director, 16 years older than me… He started to write to me in and request bigger & more detailed photos, make a list of his requierements in a woman (physically attractive, sensual, warm, admirerer and understanding of his art, adventurous..etc…) and said in the second mail already I seem cold from the way i write & the photos are bad quality (which got me triggered, so I responded already in a bit defensive mode, being irritated from his requirements and general despective tone).

    Me: I feel uncomfortable chasing after a man, even if he is a great artist.

    Him: So go away. You are not the girl for me. I don’t want to have to work to get a girl’s confidence. Should be the other way around.

    Me: I don’t want to be a muse or object to somebody.

    Him: So I repeat, go away. To be my muse is a privilege.

    Of course I have not answered to that anymore (as the subject line of his last mail was also “Go in peace”… like he would be a priest or something).

    I feel guilty of attracting that to me. This kind of men who trigger me with their huge egos and I get the reaction so that they can call me cold and egoistic.

    I feel an urge to do something, to answer, to win the argument, to answer them badly…To insult them. Like only because being a successful artist you can say these things to me …who do you think you are?!… But instead I try to let it go. But you see it’s hard….as I’m here on the blog with the same subject already several days in the row.

  225.  #228Emoticon on June 1, 2012 at 10:01 am


  226.  #229lk on June 1, 2012 at 10:02 am

    & also, regarding “dating”…… i keep trying to write something that makes the most sense…… our relationship does operate on the assumption that we are spiritually United & fully committed… however…. yes, there is still some “distance” between what we have & what we are moving toward : )

  227.  #230Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Lizka 132
    I really like this idea and I think I will do this as well.., and tack it on to leaning back with every CD that I may have now or in the next 30 days.

    I have been leaning forward with friends A LOT because of my job change it’s been hard to connect with people due to my schedule and not seeing friends at my old work anymore…I’m like worried I will lose touch with everyone and it’s me initiating the contact….otherwise maybe I wouldn’t talk to or see them…I dunno…

    But I’m going to do things myself and maybe I will meet new friends in the process!!!

    I leaned forward and texted RecycledCD a couple of weeks ago to which I received NO REPLY (I feel annoyed by this both at myself for texting and by him for ignoring me) ….He is so hot and cold and I feel more and more he is not one I can keep as an option, sadly, because of this. I also feel mad at myself for not being more sireny with him and not reaching out. But I did need / want his advice about something and I said so in the text and he never responded. Grrrrr I want to call him and chew him out actually.

    I also leaned back a lil bit with OrangeCrushCD and just texted hello the other day but now I’m waaaay back leaning mode!!!! OCcd is so sweet and seems to really like me it’s cute!! He calls me beautiful all the time etc…

    Anyway thanks Lizka for inspiring me

  228.  #231Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 10:07 am

    227 (((Ulii)))

    It feels bad to be talked to the way he did and I’m sorry you went through that.

    The guy sounds like a jerk. But he is a nobody in your world.

    You got some practice in for communicating and just leave it at that.

    Move on and don’t worry about somebody so shallow and he sounds a lil strange.

    He probably treats women badly by how he is talking to you!!!


    If I remember correctly I think Rori says don’t feel bad if you attract some undesireables because ALL kinds of men are attracted to us as women and sirens….and that does not mean ALL of them reflect anything about us etc….

  229.  #232lk on June 1, 2012 at 10:11 am

    humbug now i’m feeling all guilty / heavy / drama-laden……….. oh, lk, it’s ok ! : )))

    we’ll see what the man does. i refuse to believe either of these good humans are “wrong” (((((girl))))) (((((cd)))))

  230.  #233Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Ulii it feels bad and I can imagine your poor brain in overdrive to defend you. Mine operates like that too and my words can get extremely caustic in such circumstances. However, I encourage you to challenge yourself to send him compassion. I can only imagine how demeaning his self talk is. He must hate himself. He will only have the ability to be kind to someone else if he is kind to himself. I don’t believe it is about his success. I would even hazard a guess that he is not enjoying it but that he must be miserable.

  231.  #234Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Emerson are you sure he ignored you?
    Are you sure he received the text?
    Are you certain it wasn’t received late when it might not have made sense to him to respond?

  232.  #235Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 10:16 am

    233 FW your approach to Ulii is much more compassionate than mine. 🙂

    My knee jerk reaction was “WHAT A JERK A$$!!”

  233.  #236Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 10:21 am

    I learned from a coach to build in a “pause” because there really is no urgency.

  234.  #237Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 10:24 am

    234 FW I would imagine that at some point he could reply to me at least…
    I appreciate your reframing of the thoughts of the situation though…I do feel better thinking of it differently, but I also feel “hurt” that he hasn’t contacted me in a few weeks since we last met up for coffee/lunch. It would feel good to see him but then again maybe not…I feel confused about him right now.
    I need more support/attention/time with a man than he can give and so I have to be carefu

  235.  #238Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 10:24 am

    234 FW I would imagine that at some point he could reply to me at least…
    I appreciate your reframing of the thoughts of the situation though…I do feel better thinking of it differently, but I also feel “hurt” that he hasn’t contacted me in a few weeks since we last met up for coffee/lunch. It would feel good to see him but then again maybe not…I feel confused about him right now.
    I need more support/attention/time with a man than he can give and so I have to be carefu

  236.  #239Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 10:27 am

    oopsies technical problems!!! 🙂
    Anyway I was goign to say I have to be careful to keep Recycled in perspective of a friend to see now and then and not neccesarily as a CD persay…

  237.  #240Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 10:28 am

    I also go into this mode of thinking about Recycled like “he owes me” ….and I don’t know where that is coming from….I guess I feel that he owes me for putting up with so much crap from him which now that I write it down, sounds really lame.

  238.  #241ulii on June 1, 2012 at 10:35 am

    Thank you Emerson & FW! Feels so good to read your answers, I feel supported. Actually I even got tears in my eyes. 🙂

    From feeling very hurt I have already moved a bit further… so where I actually can feel a bit compassionate about him & his life. But should I send him some fm about it? Or you mean just in my mind?

    I also feel guilty I have not been catching up on the blog lately…and just posting my own mishappenings. I’m behind from everyone’s developments.

  239.  #242Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 10:37 am

    It is not lame Emerson. It is one of those patterns we develop when we overfunction. It creates a feeling of obligation that men don’t like and one of the reasons why many don’t like when women do things for them. I believe CCarter refers to it as the Relationship Debt. We overfunction then we start keeping score about what he owes us. One of the relationship traps.

    Awareness is key

  240.  #243Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Ulii the feeling of guilt is useless and I would check into myself to find out why I choose that feeling.

    I might even say “I forgive you_______” out loud to him while sending compassion from my heart but I certainly would write again. For me, that would be facilitating and engaging in a toxic dynamic.

  241.  #244Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Emerson also the “he owes me” norm is something many of us experiencing playing out in a lot of relationships out in the world as kids so we unconsciously agree that this is the way we have to be in our relationships. Then as we grow we play out the pattern. And the cycle continues as our kids watch us.

    With awareness we can unravel this. When we focus on our feelings and our behavior we can catch ourselves and stop ourselves.

    Isn’t it just beautiful learning about ourselves and how much power we have to create what we want.

  242.  #245Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Hmm 242 FW that is very interesting….
    I will have to go on CCarters site and read more if I can find it…
    I hink there is something to this theme and it’s coming up tp heal…
    OrangeCrushCD as sweet as he is…has mentioned to me “if I do this then you do this for me,,,etc” telling me let’s make a deal…which feels bad and unromantic and stressful…
    I don’t know if he’s just akward or if this is a deeper issue for him in relationshiops that all has to be “even” in score…yuck.
    I will continue to focus on me and how I feel in his presence and go from there.
    As far as Recycled goes…it’s interesting FW because when he reappeard by no prompting from me, it was at a point when I felt nothing about him and he was not on my radar persey…

  243.  #246Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:01 am

    I’m unsubscribing from emails from another relationship coach because she tends to focus on why the guy in your life is doing this or that and how you can figure it out…etc. …and it feels gimmicky and counter intuitive to my siren ways…which include focusing on me and my feelings not on WHY he is doing or not doing!! I got tired just reading her last email intro….draining.

  244.  #247Emoticon on June 1, 2012 at 11:03 am

    tit for tat <<<< yeah ure right it feels bad. A friend of mine who is trying to become a CD asked me if i was bringing him some money when i leave the bank. I said I dont give guys my money lol…. He said when i hope its the other way around too. I said wow, i dont ask for money but if a guy offers to pay for somthing for me, i feel good letting him do that.

    I felt so weird when he said that i hope it the other way around. I mean, if a guy chooses to give me money there's nothing wrong with that.

    And CDs give me money for the bus and the cab all the time, and it feels good to let them pay for that if they don't drive and can't pick me up.

  245.  #248Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:07 am

    244 yes FW it is beautiful!

    I am feeling sad and beating myself up now for possibly “driving away” Recycled with my selfishness and keeping score….but I want to flip that and not beat myself up…I want to send compassion to myself and to him for whatever he’s doing and it’s none of my business what he is doing anyway…..LOL when I do talk to or see Recycled he is so “nosy” always asking me questions (lots of questions) and I’ve gotten so much better and “not” answering them directly!! Hee hee and usually when I do that he gives me a compliment because he can’t help it I’m being so feminine!!! He’s gotten mellower about the questioning too because he doesn’t get the info he’s seeking…some of it I don’t mind telling him but some of it is not stuff I want him to know…

    On another topic, I feel better today after getting my paycheck so I feel that I can pay my bills!!! I’ve been working so hard and it feels good to get paid…

  246.  #249Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Emoticon that is a great answer! Very sireny of you girl!!
    Well I must say it’s our culture too…women are so powerful nowadays (not a bad thing) I think it’s confusing for people (men and women) to know their roles to be healthy sometimes if they are not aware…..

  247.  #250Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:12 am

    (((Ella))) (((LK)))
    Recurring theme of ex’s still in the periphery….
    I have such a hard time with this in the past as well…. but you are handling it gracefully ladies…I love your approach Ella how youjust went home to take care of you…and lk I like how you said she is probably a lovely person etc….
    I will keep these approaches in mind when/if I come accross it because usually I just react by being angry and acting territorial like a bit$h

  248.  #251Emoticon on June 1, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Thank you Emerson

  249.  #252Jenny on June 1, 2012 at 11:15 am

    hmm letting go of thing is the key.
    I just had a thought:

    “it does feel good with CDJim and got tp trust the feeling -now get focus on other CD with other men, like this sweet charming young man I’m chatting with right now – a man who is in contact with me allmost every day, and “I have never fallen with anyone online, like I have done with you. I cant wait to meet”

    Adn 2 min later CDJim sent an sms:

    “Hi a little trouble here. HAve to work this weekend 🙁 How typical. Hugs”

    He work on a mental hospital with ppl who the court have judge to mental treatment – so I do belive him.

  250.  #253Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:18 am

  251.  #254Ladybug on June 1, 2012 at 11:23 am

    After years, perhaps a lifetime of being stuffed, shutdown, keeping my heart closed, then being delighted and mercenary in a divorce from a toxic man, I met WOW! The man friends had been telling me about for years, my “perfect man,” even saying to dump the husband to pursue.

    Open my heart to Love. Let my heart be vulnerable.

    But he’s never been married and I’m the marrying kind. I was curious on why women are willing to to stay in girlfriend mode for years, even decades for him. Curiosity killed the cat. Realizing I was in love with him was terrifying. My circular dating drove him to all kinds of whackiness. 🙂

    16 months after first meeting him, expecting a proposal, or at least an attractive proposition, he ended it with an hour and a half good-bye kiss, even kissing my tears away. We are preserving our business arrangement, we’ll continue to see each other where he has total control. It’s difficult to see the love, fear and confusion in his face and not be able to talk about it with him. I CHOOSE to continue to trust and respect this man.

    New CD stated over dinner one night, “Wow, I can’t believe your not remarried already.” I almost burst into tears. I did choke on my food a bit.

    Mr. Vague is a really good dater, but hasn’t pursued the physical. I kept thinking he wan’t interested, but he kept calling and asking me out. It was kinda’ creepy the both of us running deep background checks on each other. Now that’s done, he offered me a job.

    Open my heart to Love. Let my heart be vulnerable.
    OWWW!!!!! Walk it off, walk it off.

  252.  #255Emoticon on June 1, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Emerson that dress is hot… how about wearing those sticky things (4got the name) over ur boobs

  253.  #256lk on June 1, 2012 at 11:30 am

    thank you, emerson! i feel happy having support : ) it feels difficult to try to negotiate new relationship terms with a former romantic partner & i want to be compassionate toward both of them, while still maintaining safe boundaries around myself & my “family”.

    that dress is really pretty !!

  254.  #257Rebecca on June 1, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Radlove, Femininewoman – You always have such great healing comments to me. Thank you.

  255.  #258Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Yes Emoticon those sticky boob bras!! LOL I have never tried them but maybe I should…I like the arm cuff she’s wearing and the necklace too 🙂

  256.  #259Daria on June 1, 2012 at 11:33 am

    from the other thread about dating after a breakup:

    323: Unsure says:

    Hello there,

    Just want to have some thoughts on how soon can someone date after a break-up. Just broken up 2 months ago after almost a 4 year relationship. Was eyeing on internet dating to begin with but only for friendship…any thoughts?


    Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 3:44pm

    324: Rori Raye says:

    Unsure – I know that most people say to hang with friends, cry it out, grieve…and I don’t like any rules. Anytime I did that, I ended up just as stupid and sad about love as I felt the day of the breakup. I say get out there and Circular Date and practice the tools – even if you’re crying in front of the cabbages in the market. This is the time to learn to be vulnerable and raw – in public. A huge opportunity to be more yourself instead of “perfectly put together.” Love, Rori

    Thursday, 31 May 2012 @ 4:47pm

  257.  #260ulii on June 1, 2012 at 11:33 am

    RE 253 Emerson

    Wow! Wonderful dress!!!
    But I know what you mean. I have the no-bra problem too. Well, not a problem… but yes…those nice little dresses that you can wear without a bra is not a best fit for me. 🙂

  258.  #261Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:35 am

    256 lk
    Yes balancing the boundaries and compassion…that’s what I want to be able to do….
    I get super jealous and territorial 🙁

    But I need to learn how to manage this.

    OrangeCrushCD has kids and that means there is always an ex in the picture to deal with….and I’m not sure how to deal with that if we end up dating. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

  259.  #262lk on June 1, 2012 at 11:40 am

    omg i forgot my bra & i have to wear this white minidress to a casino tonight with cd & HIS MOTHER. wahhhhh

  260.  #263Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:42 am

    260 Ulii
    I have several dresses sort of similar to this one and I end up wearing a strapless bra with them and can get away with that…
    I am busty naturally and I feel sexy with my body that way!! But I think women who have littler boobs are super sexy too…like the model in this pic does not have huge ones…& I think she looks hot

  261.  #264Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I feel so tired and lazy today…it’s my day off but I want to get out there and enjoy the day for a bit. So see you on the blog a little later ladies I am going to practice five second smile which is so hard for me to do! 🙂

  262.  #265Brandylion on June 1, 2012 at 11:47 am

    It just occurred to me, after reading someone’s comment above a while ago today about siren-ness attracting all men and not just the ones we want, is that I never felt bad about myself because AkronCD (the one with Asperger’s who is also suffering from depression and became instantly needy and clingy) was interested. I was more like, well, of course he’s interested in me; I’m amazing!

  263.  #266ulii on June 1, 2012 at 11:51 am

    RE 264 Emerson

    Enjoy your day!! The 5 second smile (or even look) is the hardest for me too! 🙂 But yes, let’s practice, practice!! 🙂

  264.  #267Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:51 am

    150 Emoticon I do remember you posting about that time you tweeted about the moth!! And how you got some interesting replies and it has inspired me to this day to be free and full of wonder and express it….and men do react very well to it! Thank you so much for sharing that…I still think about that story believe it or not cuz it was so cute!

  265.  #268Emoticon on June 1, 2012 at 11:53 am

    awwww Emerson thank you. I remember posting on the blog about that last year. One of the guys stuck lol thats him.

  266.  #269R.N.AmazingMe on June 1, 2012 at 11:53 am

  267.  #270R.N.AmazingMe on June 1, 2012 at 11:54 am

    So hello lady sirens!! Please check out video, it always hits a note for me. I had written a whole huge post because I needed advice and it somehow erased…grrrr

  268.  #271lk on June 1, 2012 at 11:58 am

    i’m just a baby & i just try & i forgive myself over & over again : ) i don’t get tired of it ! i love to forgive myself : )))) even i can forgive myself for feeling “guilty” in the first place ! : )))))))) go, go, lk ! don’t look around. you are just going forward rapidspeed oh, yes i am

  269.  #272Emoticon on June 1, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    I feel so flattered and touched that Emerson remembered a story i posted so long ago 🙂

  270.  #273R.N.AmazingMe on June 1, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    So not going to repost! I would like to do some therapy on myself…Ok
    WHat I do WANT:I want my family to love, forgive, and support me. Stop treating me like I am 13 when I am 32. My 3 kids are with me and I will always be greatful , money cant buy the appreciation how they helped me get through school. My mom and sister sat down and told me I was depressed and with the job transition yes it is hard but I am ok. I am happy more now than i have ever been in my life. My mom tells me in the convo I don’t do enough but dang what do they want from me. I clean after kids and me. She also told me she was tired of being angry so she had nothing left to say. She has been giving me the cold shoulder and see back in the day that would of worked because I did all I could to make her happy and proud of me and get her approval. Well it clicked I am done, burnt out, I am the one that needs to be the adult and make moves for my childen and myself, my decision and no guilt will weigh in onmy decisions anymore!

  271.  #274Ella on June 1, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Ulli re 227

    Awww honni.

    He sounds like a loser.

    This fits well with the topic of the post which Rori has written about above… about not beating ourselves up with the law of attraction. And instead saying ‘it is a lesson I drew to myself’.

    I also had a man a bit like that when I was dating…

    Except he didn’t outright tell me to go away.

    But he did keep saying how I was passing up the chance of a lifetime to be with him because I would not travel an hour to see him.

    Errr, whatever dude.

    He cycled back a few times but I just felt bored.

  272.  #275R.N.AmazingMe on June 1, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    I just cannot bare the constant critisizing anymore, I am striving for happiness. Then there is my exCD, which I love all you sirens for your advice and Rori’s blog!I went out with this man on probably maybe 4 to 5 dates, heck maybe it was 3. I cannot remember I have known him since 2008/09. We talked so much on the phone, skpe, and online. I went out with him the first time to a sports pub, which I love. He told me I was way prettier in person that my pics didn’t do me justice. He opened doors for me and looked at me with those big beautiful eyes and its like for the first time a man really saw me and just made me feel as though I was the woman of his dreams. He then started talking about going overseas for some military deployment that he chose to take because It was an honor and would help him financially. See back then I was CDing like crazy!! Always had some man to keep me compnay and not sleeping with them all went to YBor to see him on his way one last time. I stayed the night and remembering him leaving early and I just layed in bed and cried. This was nothing I ever felt this feeling with any man before. I was in awe like what did this man do to me!!!

  273.  #276Ella on June 1, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    There is also a no bra theme on the blog tonight! 🙂

  274.  #277ulii on June 1, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    RE LK 262

    🙂 I laughed a lot! …thanks
    Yes…You think it is not decent to have your bra on going out with your cd’s mother?.. 🙂 I once did go to a wedding without a bra, with a strking red dress with flowers on it..and almost bare back (even as with my bust it’s not too recomendable)…And I got told off by many older ladies there!.. Although, now rememebring…it makes me smile. As well all the men were looking at me a lot. 🙂

  275.  #278ulii on June 1, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    RE 275

    So beautiful story & so sad!

    ((((((R.N.Amazingme ))))))

  276.  #279Daria on June 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Ever since I met you that day I haven’t stopped thinking about you.

    I’m sorry I didn’t call that night ,

    I freaked out.

    I’m sorry I called you crazy.

    Sorry I ran baby.

    You deserve the best. You are so different from any other woman I’ve ever met.

  277.  #280Starla on June 1, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    ohhhhhhh I hope everything is going to be okay.

  278.  #281Arrowofthyme on June 1, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Wow there are so many helpful, eye opening comments here right now. I feel so comforted here. Feminine woman: oh my gosh, I orall picked a phallic symbol for my blog name. I just thought I liked herbs and physics. But yes maybe taking photos of a man IS over functioning! Im a portrait and fine art photographer so it very well could be masculine energy seeping in to show how I cherish a man. I feel like I do it to cherish my own memories but I’m going to experiment with not doing that for a while.

    I’m going to see how decide to feel guilt after a breakup. My perfectionist tendencies – that I could have done more to keep him. Ways I’ve made myself a victim. And I’m not going to ask why. and I’ll try to not judge my thoughts. I can’t wait to go home
    Later and journal about this and eat banana bread and take a bath.

    And. I’m going to keep circular dating even though there is a high possibility I will cry on one of these dates.


  279.  #282Arrowofthyme on June 1, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Wow there are so many helpful, eye opening comments here right now. I feel so comforted here. Feminine woman: oh my gosh, I orall picked a phallic symbol for my blog name. I just thought I liked herbs and physics. But yes maybe taking photos of a man IS over functioning! Im a portrait and fine art photographer so it very well could be masculine energy seeping in to show how I cherish a man. I feel like I do it to cherish my own memories but I’m going to experiment with not doing that for a while.I’ve already started an art project photographing couples who met on dating sites – ill
    Keep that energy for art, not men. 🙂

    I’m going to see how decide to feel guilt after a breakup. My perfectionist tendencies – that I could have done more to keep him. Ways I’ve made myself a victim. And I’m not going to ask why. and I’ll try to not judge my thoughts. I can’t wait to go home
    Later and journal about this and eat banana bread and take a bath.

    And. I’m going to keep circular dating even though there is a high possibility I will cry on one of these dates.


  280.  #283R.N.AmazingMe on June 1, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I was the one that ran at comittment and when we met and yes slept together, it was fine but I guess with school him being an hour away and being a busy mom. He a single dad pretty much figured why bother but he would always send me funny things through email and would always make me laugh. He would send me IM’s but I would never initiate because it wasnt like it was because I didnt like him I just didnt see a point to continue communication at that point. But I did continue to answer the emails and messages, we would have talks on phone. So this man made it clear he was interested and I thought you know Why not see where it all goes. Then when he was about to leave he was always counting the days down for when he had to leave. He left on January 31st, which is my birthday. I was sad to see him go but we said we would keep contact he knew how I felt about him but it seemed decided we wouldnt wait he would be gone a year. I cried the whole way home from Tampa that day and could not believe it. This man who I was going to write off like I do out of fear(I know now thanks to Rori). This mad got me good and my heart loved him so much, I didnt want anything, no money, no ring, no promises! I just knew I had to be in his presence and I wanted him in my life forever. I was processing so much because I was scared and what if it didnt work out. I totally went against all of my morals in some of this. I still continued to CD because I didn’t have a ring but he had my heart. Then like night and day something happened. He started being completely crude, rude, and plain mean. I kept dealing with it and would even cry and it seemed like I no longer knew him. It took me so long to get away from his treatment, love me more and know I do not deserve that. If what he showed me was and act then I was punked fell in love and jokes on me. Some of the things he would say like harping on my faults and enhancing my downfalls, he called it tough love…ummm no!!!! What finally helped me because I really thought there is no way he is not this kind of person, no the X I know. When I realized this was how he was I realized I fell in love with an actor. He does not exist. It hurts like heck everyday but it is easier because I really don’t know him. I miss my old X the one who made me feel like no other woman could fill my shoes….so sad sirens…Daria that is the first time I have told the most of the whole story!!!!@!…Thank you help me with advice, lilybelle, Daria, Ella, Emoticon…How do I do this I want to know it was like this pretend fairytale. I am starting work on the 12 of june so I figure i will meet new people…feeling sad 🙁

  281.  #284ulii on June 1, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    274 Ella

    Thanks! Yes…actually I read the article completely after posting.. What a coincidence, but it really fits. 🙂

    It is liberating to know that it is not me doing something WRONG or attracting this kind of men to me, but attracting the lesson.

  282.  #285Daria on June 1, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    yay ! i “ate” tehe feeilng of anger in my body and it turned into sadness and crying! wooohooo

  283.  #286R.N.AmazingMe on June 1, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    This is going to sound sooo corny but I want a man to call or text me and actually care about how I am. I want a man to be so excited to share time with me. I want to go on vacations and talk about dreams and support eachother and even help to reach them. I want that feeling back, I deserve to be loved like that! I have learned sooooo much from all of you here, it is a true blessing. I know most woman want this type of man and sometimes I fear he does not exist. I mean yes I still have hope but you NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE MISSED UNTIL YOU NO LONGER HAVE IT!!!

  284.  #287Mel on June 1, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Mr A chuckled at a picture of me. The mice felt VERY defensive. They wanted to scream: “see what you look like after you’ve just run in a race!” but instead, I just got all quiet. And I felt what I was feeling. And it felt bad. Triggered. Consciously, I know that I’m beautiful, that HE thinks I’m beautiful, that the photo WAS actually quite funny. But the mice do not have logical brains. They remembered him brushing me off because of a photo. Him not “feeling attracted.” Bah! Now anger. I felt shaky and upset.

    Him: “How are you feeling kitten?”

    Me: “I feel frowny and sad.”

    Him: “Why!?”

    Me: “I feel afraid to say so, because I don’t want you to think you’ve done anything wrong…My conscious brain knows I’m being silly. But the mice are feeling all offended.”

    Him: “Why?!”

    Me: I felt all proud of my picture, but now I feel a little awkward and ugly and too “real” and I feel so nervous being judged on my appearance because I feel afraid that I won’t pass.

    Him: The mice are telling you things that aren’t true.

    Me: I know. But they can feel really sensitive sometimes and some insignificant thing floods them and disables their logic and they get stuck on their mouse wheels, going round and round. This is not the past, but their mouse brains react like it is.

    Him: Awww….I deeply regret judging you on your photo before we met. I am SO lucky that you gave me a second chance because you are the most beautiful person inside and OUT! I can’t believe I almost blew it… and that I almost never got to meet you…. I didn’t mean to offend you…

    Me: I know you didn’t. Sometimes I just need to just hear them out, let them say their piece… and telling you already makes them feel better. They just have tiny brains and big feelings.

    Him: Tell the mice I love them.

  285.  #288Starla on June 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Something weird is happening right now. My heart is going dead, kind of. I can feel that if I don’t try to talk to CF this afternoon, that actually, I probably will be able to disconnect our energies..

    I feel like I climbed to the top of a giant hill, and if I keep walking down the same path (not contacting him, just taking care of me) I will be walking down hill and on to something and someone else.

    I feel scared to do this. I don’t want to disconnect from him. I have a strong feeling that I need to clear up the misunderstanding he has about my thoughts on ‘chasing’ in a relationship.

    I feel sad. I don’t know what to do. If I don’t contact him soon, then it will be like I decided to break up with him in return now, and I never ever wanted to break up:(

    I would cry in the bathroom but I put on sooo much eye makeup this morning, lol. At least I look cute:)

    I may have to just let this all die. To honor my intentions of a ‘man fast’ or a ‘dating strike,’ I have to eliminate CF from the equation too, even if it’s just in my thoughts.

    I don’t want to ‘kill’ our love. *I* don’t want to let it seem like I’m okay with it or that it’s what I want. I don’t want to tell the universe that I didn’t want it, or make it seem to him like I didn’t. I do want it.

    But I think I just might. I just might let it die.

  286.  #289lk on June 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    LOL Ulii.. thank you for the image of you carrying yourself high in a beautiful gown ! i will “channel” your party goddess if i feel scared : ))))))))

    one of my favorite things to do is channel other ladies from the blog when i feel scared…… ((((women)))) thank you thank you thank you : ))))) hoorah !

  287.  #290lk on June 1, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    awww (((((mel))))) thanks for the juicy FM sharing : )


    (((((((daria))))))) i can’t wait to try “eating” something interesting soon : )))))))

  288.  #291Starla on June 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I ‘should’ have just talked to him the next day when we broke up. Instead it took me 5 days to get my thoughts together, and all I could squeak out was that I was into him. I don’t blame him for not talking to me. I didn’t address his concerns ever and that was the reason he walked away in the first place.

    I feel soooooooo lost. I don’t know right from wrong. I just know that my feelings for him are TRUE. They’re not defensive psychologically reactive lies I’m telling myself. I’m terrified I will lose something so precious and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. Some of it is, in fact, all my doing! I don’t feel honest when we just say “oh it was all HIM.” Noo, some of it was definitely me!

    What is UP with me, sh*t!!!!!!?

    Any thoughts, sirens? FW, do you have any interest in sharing your opinions with me? If not, I understand.

  289.  #292Daria on June 1, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    (((RN Amazing)))

    you will feel wonderful again! we area learning we create the wonderful feelings from inside us…

    they seem to come from the man but they don’t… the men just illuminate it inside us one time or a few …

    then we can learn to wipe off the bulb and keep it lit forever

  290.  #293Mel on June 1, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Keep walking Starla….

    Perhaps breaking that energetic connection will allow both of you to fully heal.

    And when he can feel that disconnect, perhaps it will inspire him to hop on the chair lift to come after you.

    Or maybe better than that… it will allow the universe to bring you to that place she’s been nudging you for some time…

    love ya!

  291.  #294Starla on June 1, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    I feel sad. I can feel the candle going out.

  292.  #295Starla on June 1, 2012 at 1:26 pm


  293.  #296arrowofthyme on June 1, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    starla: light a candle for yourself. and maybe send light and energy to the person in your future who will fulfill you instead of the ex. this is what i’ll do tonight.

  294.  #297Brandylion on June 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    I feel like a bad person. I just realized a small part of why I feel so good today is that, if I read between the lines correctly last night, PriestCD is dating his friend out of convenience. I feel bad that that makes me feel better about the situation.

    I guess I feel relieved, in a way, that it’s not because she was actually a more attractive option. (And I don’t mean in terms of looks or anything.)

  295.  #298Starla on June 1, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    296 arrowofphallus (hehe sorry i’m juvenile)

    that is a good idea:) I am going to do this too, thank you dear for the suggestion.

  296.  #299Starla on June 1, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    297 brandylion
    I personally feel turned off by guys who date women just out of convenience. I know it’s common, but it’s a turn off for me.

  297.  #300Starla on June 1, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Mel, I believe you are ‘right’

    Also, I have a confession to myself and you ladies — i don’t want to go through all this self improvement and dating strike time if it doesn’t mean that i will be a better partner specifically for HIM in a few months when I come out the other side as a ‘new woman’.

    i need to let him go 100% to do it for myself.



    i really believe there was no right or wrong here. Contacting him and leaning forward would have been fine. Not contacting him and leaning back will also be fine. This is a case where whatever I do is “right,” and it’s not just about masculine/feminine roles.

    Gosh, I really love me. I do!

    I am really scared to let go of attachment to the outcome of getting him back in my life.

    really really really scared

    to me, that feels like not bothering to send in the missing supplemental materials on an incomplete admissions application to a dream school. To know I need to send the missing materials to complete the application and even BE in the running, but just not do it.

    I hope I’m making sense.

  298.  #301Sassy on June 1, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Spamming so I won’t lean forward and text him. The non-siren sitting on my shoulder keeps coming up with things I could say in a text…most likely that he would ignore again anyway!!!! Arghhhh, but the siren on the other shoulder is telling me he’s so not worth me wasting precious, lovely brain cells and heart cells. I deserve better, I deserve love and respect and truth and honesty. He’s got a good heart, it’s just not pointed to me anymore. Feels sad.

  299.  #302Starla on June 1, 2012 at 1:54 pm


  300.  #303Silver Moonbeam on June 1, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    OK Sirens sick of the chit chat on POF and ready to do it, take it to the next level of phone calls……….but just don’t know how????????/

  301.  #304Brandylion on June 1, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Starla, #299: Yeah, that is an icky thing to do. I wonder if my subconscious realized that as we were talking last night, and that’s why I began to feel better and better–the conversation really did free me from a stuck place, and it’s like I finally really *got* on a very deep level what a bad match he was for me.

    He’s not a bad person, but boy is he a least a little confused and certainly sometimes clueless!

  302.  #305Starla on June 1, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    “Hey I’m feeling sort of burned out on online chatting. I’m at 555-555-5555:)”

    That’s all it takes:)

  303.  #306Daria on June 1, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    :: Healthy Selfishness ::

    Conventional thinking has it that if children get “too
    much” of what they want, they’ll become narcissistic
    adults who only care about themselves.

    But this thinking is locked inside the box of the
    “dominator paradigm,” where you “win” by exploiting,
    excluding, or defeating others. Outside the dominator
    box is PARTNERSHIP.

    In partnership it’s understood that we’re all
    connected, so *your* wins are *my* wins, and vice
    versa. Children internalize partnership values
    when their parents believe that Love is abundant.
    Such parents tend to nurture generously and

    Younger children are naturally narcissistic. When
    parents model the “healthy selfishness” of partnership
    and don’t resist their children’s narcissism, the
    children eventually learn that it feels good to care
    for others.

    Today, notice all the ways in which *giving* makes you
    feel good, and how others feel good when you allow
    them to give to you. Let the line between giving and
    receiving dissolve. That’s the magic of partnership!

  304.  #307Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    RE 286 RNAmazing I could have written that. It was not corny to me. I can even admit that I was offered that but the man did not look like my “type”. I am just accepting that the “lit up” feeling I get when I see my “type” actually comes from inside me and I can create it whenever and with whomever I want. Regardless of how he looks. I am also getting comfortable with the power in my words to make a man feel good about himself.

  305.  #308Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Brandylion we all have a stranger part of ourselves that we really don’t know. She is not a bad person just an unfamiliar person because most of the times we prefer to push her head down to hide her from the world. What you are doing is saying hello to her and welcoming her so you can truly know yourself. That is awesome. Maybe she even has an evil sounding laugh.

  306.  #309Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    Brandylion we all have a stranger part of ourselves that we really don’t know. She is not a bad person just an unfamiliar person because most of the times we prefer to push her head down to hide her from the world. What you are doing is saying hello to her and welcoming her so you can truly know yourself. That is awesome. Maybe she even has an ev!!l sounding laugh.

  307.  #310Ella on June 1, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    ((((((RN Amazing Me)))))))

    Awww honni. That sucks.

    You might find some comfort in the post Rori wrote about dealing with an imaginary relationship.

    I am glad this man showed himself as not able to step up for you… and you will find better.

    Now you at least know what kind of treatment you do want (how he was at the beginning) its just he couldn’t sustain it.

    This is not your fault.

    So you will now find someone who offers you that AND more AND CAN sustain it.

    Sending you some warm, loving vibes cus I have so been there…

    And then MWC came along.

    And even though the road has not been smoothed I feel so good and so loved and he cherishes me.

    And I know it is to do with me… how I am now… and the fact that he is a good man.

    So it feels great to have this with him… and I know even if I didn’t have it anymore I will always be ok and attract amazing love.

    And so will you.

  308.  #311Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Aaawww Mel. Every time I read your stories I feel tears welling up in my eyes. So beautiful.

  309.  #312Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    172 Radlove

    I understand what you are saying but I have also learned that people will tell you what you want to hear and often are not really invested in your situation…regardless of what you told her about being at Tmobile store or what not and wanting to know if its a go or not….and she said yes…she probably was not even listening to your reasons for wanting to know, sorry to say and sorry to assume that.

    Her day goes on as usual. She wants to meet her quota. Understand that these clerks/loan agents/whatever are trained to say YES and she probably honestly thought that it was true…and that is her bad if she was just lying to get you to bait and switch….

    But again…not saying that people are inherintly “bad” but they are chronically “not invested” in something that does not affect them directly…so it goes back to buyer beware.

    It’s not done till it’s done and the money is in my hands…I’ve had too many transactions in business go wrong this way COUNTING on someone’s WORD and wanting them to PAY for it or be proved that I am right has gotten me nowhere.

    I’m not saying you did anything wrong, just be aware that people may not be intentionally out to deceive you but will be your “yes man” or “yes woman” as they’ve been trained to be…

  310.  #313Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Radlove I feel bad for lecturing you but I’m lecturing myself too….I have to remind myself of this daily because I can be very trusting of what others tell me only to feel let down later….and then I pay the consequences.

  311.  #314Starla on June 1, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Things I can do for myself tonight:
    -Run a couple of miles in my cute new gym clothes:)
    -Light a candle a la arrowofthyme
    -Take a relaxing shower and shave my legs so I can lay out by the pool tomorrow morning
    -Buy some new beauty products online that I need while my favorite store is having a big sale
    -Watch a movie
    -Work on my translation blog

  312.  #315Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    313 Starla sounds like fun can I come over ? LOL ;P

  313.  #316Daria on June 1, 2012 at 3:02 pm


  314.  #317Daria on June 1, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    i feel guilty and sad writing that

    guilty hearing nv “youre just spamming your name everywhere senslessly ‘defacing’ public property’

    and sad

    i dont really feel hugged i feel like dissociating as im writing that

    it feels sad and disconnected



    i feel uncomfortable receiving the hugs


    it’s ok, you can come get a hug when you want to

    you are free to play

    you do NOT have to tolerate a hug when you don’t want to


    that feels good

    i feel sad

    i feel hungry

  315.  #318Lizka on June 1, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    Hi Emerson!!

    I’m happy I inspired you. Yeah our situations feel pretty similars. Same for me, but not because of work, just because it’s summer time and I want to hang out more and I’ve been calling everyone and I want to go back to independent me.

    I don’t have much money this week so I might stay home this weekend, but it’s fine.

    I stayed at work late and finished my things because I have no plans and it felt good to don’t have to rush and have time to be productive 🙂

    So so far, the month of Do Something by yourself is going pretty well 🙂

  316.  #319Femininewoman on June 1, 2012 at 3:14 pm

  317.  #320LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 3:25 pm


    Hi Starla,

    In the “Reconnect your Relationship” program, Rori says to disconnect completely from the relationship to be able to reconnect in the right way.

    It worked for me. If I wouldn’t have disconnected completely, the wheel would have kept on turning the way it was…which was sucking the life out of me.
    We broke up like 3x but never disconnected really, until he did something that I thought I could never forgive that made it “easy” for me to disconnect.

    I used the time to really look at me and the whole relationship. I had enough time to really put it in perspective and see it all clearly.

    So when I did see him again, I really had a strong connection to myself.
    I felt good about myself and where I stood.
    I felt strong and confident.

    It feels like a fresh brand new relationship with a brand new man.
    I’ve been feeling peaceful and happy since the disconnect even before I got back in contact with him and that feeling is still lasting.

    Like all my other exes, he came back only once I was fine and happy without him.

  318.  #321Starla on June 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    314 Emerson, yes of course:P

  319.  #322Starla on June 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Lilibee, he wasn’t trying to keep in touch even minimally during that time? So he just poofed and re-appeared? I can’t keep the history straight cuz my memory stinks sometimes, I’m sorry! 😀 <3

  320.  #323Rebecca on June 1, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Starla – I feel I SO know what you are going though. It’s the yearning and then the anger at the yearning. It’s just a never ending circle. I am going through it myself. I sobbed my heart out last night over my situation. I have never really done that before.

    It is so painful. There is no easy answer.

    I wonder if I am just lonely and vulnerble. The guy that I had a brief fling with made me feel important and special. Then, with a bat of an eye he took it all away from me. Or maybe I projected on him that he was my night in shining armour.

    All I know is try and try again with people. Sometimes all it takes is a few good people in our life to truly love us and support us, and the rest, as they say, melts away. I dunno…

    I am a very clueless person in relationships. I’m not sure if this will help or not… Grrrrr… I feel tense and apprehensive with my advice. I feel my stomach tighten…. I feel scared… Stiff neck… Stiff fingers typing…

  321.  #324Starla on June 1, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Rebecca, your advice or even just words to relate feel wonderful, even if you think you’re clueless. <3

  322.  #325LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 3:43 pm



    I hadn’t gotten 1 peep out of him in 1.5 months. Then he called me out of the blue wanting to see me.

  323.  #326Starla on June 1, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Thanks, Lilibee

    I must say, I still feel shocked at that man’s turn around. Good for you to stand your ground. And good for him:)

  324.  #327Rebecca on June 1, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Starla – I’m glad ((((starla)))))

    As you like running could you join a club and run with other people?

  325.  #328Jenny on June 1, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Ladies a little help.

    CdJim texted me today:

    “Hi, a little problem here. I have to work this weekend 🙁 How typical. hugs”

    This is what I thinking of write:
    “Hi. Feels good to hear from you, it is appreciated. I feel a little sad, I was looking forward to meet. Feels calm, there will be more cccasion. It may be possible to meet anyway. What do you think?”

    Any thoughts?

  326.  #329Starla on June 1, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    WHERE IS MEMULO????????

  327.  #330Starla on June 1, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    take off this part, Jenny “Feels calm, there will be more cccasion. It may be possible to meet anyway. What do you think?” It’s directing in disguise.

  328.  #331Rebecca on June 1, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    I’ve lost so many things in my life, that I fear loss all the time. It terrifies me. Loss in friendships almost as much as relationships..

  329.  #332Daria on June 1, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    who wants to cry about making a man the center of my life and becoming a woman through heartbreak?

    i did



  330.  #333Starla on June 1, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    This alone is beautiful, really. very beautiful, raw feeling, not too much, not confusing, not you trying to control any outcomes

    “Hi. Feels good to hear from you, it is appreciated. I feel a little sad, I was looking forward to meet.”

    you did great writing this:)

  331.  #334Daria on June 1, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    it reminds me of Coco Kisses

  332.  #335Daria on June 1, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    and Radlove

    and me


  333.  #336Rebecca on June 1, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Aaagghhh I am feeling clingy and desperate.. I feel my heart racing… I feel panic.. I feel fear… Argghhh

  334.  #337Jenny on June 1, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Starla – yes you are right…I want to meet him 😛 Just say thanks to him for sending the sms – even if it took him more 1, 5 day 🙂 so give thanks for the sms, and Fm about not meeting. That is all.

    Hmm what about:
    “Feel calm, I understand” – I mean I’m not angry at him for needing to work

  335.  #338Starla on June 1, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Rebecca, me too. I lost my parents, my closest friends, my loves… to make things worse, they didn’t die on me. They just chose to leave me.

    But, honestly, I am starting to think maybe there’s no such thing as “loss” except when people die or move away. Instead, this might just be me feeling abandoned.

  336.  #339Lizka on June 1, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    I have my two feet in warm soapy water, giving myself a royal feet treatment and a pedicure. I feel like a princess and I’m happy to be able to make myself feel like this 🙂

  337.  #340Daria on June 1, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    these tears i cry

    sure wont be the last,

    they will not be the last…

    this pain inside

    never seems to pass

    never seems to pass me by

    so i thank you

    yes i thank you…

    for makin me a woman

    sometimes i wonder

    could she be more fo a woman to you

    than you are a man to me

  338.  #341Starla on June 1, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    336, you are trying to make it ‘okay’ by adding that you understand. You’re obviously not angry, you already thanked him for the message and said you appreciate it.

    GIRL, YOU ARE SO WORTHY! You don’t have to ‘buffer’ your fm’s of disappointment with understanding.

  339.  #342LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 4:04 pm


    I practically have to beat him off with a stick now, lol 🙂

    He couldn’t run away from me fast enough in the past, now he stick like glue.

    He had to leave for work an hour ago, and he clung. He couldn’t stop talking to me.
    We both drove off at the same time, then he calls me 5 minutes later.
    Every time we leave each other, for any amount of time, he clings, and it takes almost an hour just to say goodbye.

    He was that way when I 1st dated him. But it scared me to death and I felt suffocated…until he took that away for a whole 1.5 years 🙁

    He’s back to being clingy, and I am so enjoying it! I don’t feel suffocated at all now! I even looove it! It feels soft and cushy 🙂

  340.  #343Rebecca on June 1, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Starla – either way – someway along the line I wonder if we have both learned to blame ourselves. That we somehow did something wrong. And then things become like a chain reaction. Loss, abandonment, grief. It’s all the same thing really. It’s mourning something that you had, and that you lost. I read once that life is all about loss, even deciding what pair of shoes to wear and I think about that now. I’m not sure if that helps or makes any sense.

  341.  #344LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 4:08 pm


    Awesome Lizka 🙂 I need to get me one of those footbaths.

  342.  #345Jenny on June 1, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    ..I’m maybe too used to men who dont belive me when I’m say I’m fine – that I need to overprove I’m ok.

    You are so right. Still learning

    So now I’m stuck on wich swedish word for sad to some to pick from 😛

  343.  #346Starla on June 1, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Aw, I feel so moved reading that there are many words for “sad” in swedish. Makes me want to learn!

    CF was starting to learn swedish. I made him a construction paper valentine in swedish, hehe. That was awesome of me.

  344.  #347Jenny on June 1, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Hmm well for me it mostly feel frustrating…the same go for the word “good”

    Hmm what about use the word disappointed insteed of sad?

    I’m feeling a little against it since it feels too much…but on the other hadn there is just one word for it in swedish, compare to sad :/

    In swedish, according to goole translate…there is many, 9 of them. :O I only write those two I’m considering:

    1: wich means: sorry, sad, upset, dumpish
    2: wich means; sad, suburban, dull, tiresome, gloomy, dreary

    Argh…wht cant things be more easy

  345.  #348lilybelly on June 1, 2012 at 4:29 pm



    I feel sad that you are feeling sad but you know what? It is so okay to feel sad…to really feel it and do whatever it is you have to do to get it out.

    I remember telling Mel to get in her shower when she was so angry and throw eggs at the wall. I wanted her to take her anger outside and beat the hell out of the ground with something (I did that once with a golf club on the side of my garage..and it felt good…and then I collapsed in sheer and utter grief but damn, it was healing).

    I don’t really see the need to try to “suck it up” when we feel sad and pretend like we are okay when all we really want to do is have a good cry. It’s’s really ok to do so. It is the only way to feel and heal.

    And when you are put some Prep H under your eyes, doll yourself up and do nothing but love on yourself.

    He showed you what kind of man you wanted…at least in the early stages; how you wish to be treated and even if it wasn’t him, it was a valuable lesson. Something for you to put in your vortex. THAT treatment is what I desire.. Yes please and thank you. Let go of the end treatment after you purge yourself, it will serve no other purpose moving forward. FW taught me to love myself at every turn…Starla reminds me of that almost daily…and I can’t walk past a mirror any more without at the very least, winking at myself.

    And with practice, one day you wake up and you actually think you may have something there. You start to believe that you ARE worth it, that you ARE beautiful and that you CAN have everything your heart desires.

    The first step is yourself and a deep knowing that no matter what, you will be okay.

    I know you will.

    So let it out..

  346.  #349Jenny on June 1, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    ..ok I go with sad, since it feels more right – and since it was my first word.
    If I keep thinking wich FM word is the best…then I’m way up in my head.
    Disappointed is just a sad feeling…
    So sending, even if it is darn late here in sweden. And the man is probery sleeping already

  347.  #350LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    I keep noticing how much I’ve healed.

    Situations that used to trigger me all the time for years…still come up, but the triggers don’t.
    When I notice, I feel weird, curious, a little disoriented.
    I ask myself “where’s the trigger? Woohoo! Where are you trigger?”
    What used to make me feel tense, heat rising to my face, now feels cool and breezy.
    I wonder where the tension stiff feelings went.
    I miss the familiarity of them, I sit there waiting for them to come back, and they don’t.
    All that’s there is feeling light, airy, cool, breezy, quiet.
    Then when I realize the stiff tension hot feelings are not coming, my heart starts to feel warm.
    I feel tingling on top of the warmth, then the tingling travels up to my face and I smile instantly.
    My face feels alive in expression, like a light bulb lighting up brightly.
    A switch is turned on in my heart and the energy travels up to light up my face 🙂
    My body feels soft and relaxed all over.

  348.  #351Lizka on June 1, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Lol Lili, it’s not a foot bath. It’s one of those thing to wash the dishes that I got for 1$ at the dollar store. I just filled it up with water and soap and olive oil and then I exfoliate my feel and they’re like new 🙂

  349.  #352LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 4:49 pm



    I hope many sirens see your post, read it completely and soak it in.
    You said it so well.
    What you describe is exactly how I got to healing so many old triggers and feel so good as I do now.

    Bless you for posting it 🙂

  350.  #353LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 4:52 pm


    lol, then to Dollarama I go tomorrow morning, my little sunshine! 🙂

    …to make the most out of my pedicure to make my feet pretty for sandal wearing all vacation week next week!

  351.  #354Jenny on June 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    I feel a littel giggle and sad right now.

    Was posting for word advice in a swedish forum

    And one female wrote:

    “I wouldnt use neither sad or disoappointed. Why not use something more artless (naturally) as “”Aww what a shame…:(”

    And I was like – well yes it say the same thing, but not is not a FM in there, not how I feel – just what I think. Big difrrent.

    Adn I felt sad for all those females who dont dare/can speak feelings…I used to be one of them. In my learning journey I have started to see how much men crave for females who are honest about their feeling. The RR way.

    And I have been very honest with CDjim about my feelings, so not write it in FM, feels soo wrong.

  352.  #355LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    I’m seeing in my mind D’s happy relaxed face he’s had on for the past month.
    I’m feeling warmth wrapping my heart.
    I feel the tingling travelling up my throat down my arms and up my face…there’s my warm, glowing smile again 🙂

    I feel wonder and amazement.
    I feel awe when I look at how open I’ve let myself become, to receive what I’ve always wanted my entire life and always felt I was not worthy.

    I’m soaking in the good feelings coz I ‘feel’ worthy of them now.
    I don’t feel the urge to overfunction and chase anymore coz I don’t feel I need to ‘prove’ my worthiness, I just ‘feel’ my worthiness.
    No one gave this feeling to me, I gave it to myself.
    It feels rooted from within me.

    I’m 42 years old, and I’ve been praying for this feeling all my life.

  353.  #356lilybelly on June 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm


    Awww, thank you, LiliBee….thank you. 🙂

    I still have work to do, but I understand that it is one step at a time and most certainly, is not a race to the finish line. It is a life time commitment to love oneself in such a manner.

    I still have triggers (the stories that I can still make up in my head from time to time, can be box office hits) but I am learning and healing and growing.

    And as long as I continue to love myself, remain committed to myself and take care of myself along this path..I will be okay. I don’t have to be that person again. YAY ME!!

  354.  #357Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Jenny for the word sad I wonder if you could use ledsen or vemod…but the latter sounds a bit dramatic…and the former, ledsen sounds like I’m crying 🙄
    I am feeling curious what word you used…

  355.  #358Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Yay Jenny for sticking with your feeling messages…

    I still freeze up soemtimes when talking to man in FM an it feels akward, but afterwards I’m always glad I did it
    1. because I feel that I was true to myself
    2. it feels authentic coming out of my mouth
    3. the reaction I get from the man feels better/more authentic

  356.  #359LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 5:35 pm



    “I don’t have to be that person again”.

    I feel a little twinge of sadness reading that sentence.
    The compassion is missing for how you were.
    You were the best you knew how at the moment.
    I feel rejected when I reject my former self.
    She’s still part of me, I just got to know her real well, accepted her the way she was and showed her love and compassion.
    Now she’s quiet and calm and no longer fights to dominate, coz all she needed was love, acceptance and compassion.

    What would it feel like to say “I was learning, I did the best of my knowledge then, as a growing child does. With what I’ve learned since, I have grown into a more mature version of myself. I feel proud of that growth.”

    In the past, my emotional growth was stunted at 7 years of age.
    So emotionally, I was still that 7 year old little girl.
    I would always show love, acceptance and compassion to any other 7 year old child.
    Blaming myself and feeling angry at myself (rejecting myself), was me being that way with a 7 year old.
    My inner 7 year old desserved as much as any other 7 year old. She desserved my compassion to teach her what she needed to help her grow emotionally.

    I don’t mean to be preachy, but it helps me to go there again to root that learning very deeply.
    That realization has been priceless to me.

  357.  #360LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Spamming the blog right now coz I’ve missed hanging around with you sirens so much!

    I’m getting a whole weekend of me time.
    It feels so good, I look forward to it 🙂
    I can’t believe I actually feel glad that D is busy all weekend.
    He’s working the evening shift, then getting up super early for an all day golf tournament with his hockey team and his dad. He’s working a 12 hour shift on Sunday.

    He asked me if I was OK with this weekend.
    I said I’ll be busy packing and I look forward to have you all to myself for a whole week, so I feel good sharing you for this weekend 🙂

    I’ve seen him every evening this week, and we’ll be alone together 8 straight days 24 hours a day starting Monday night.

    We take the plane on Tuesday. He said “I don’t work on Monday, so it would be great if you could get off work early.”
    OMG!!! The guy who couldn’t push me away far enough before! We already have a whole week together, and here he is asking for an 8th!!!

    I can’t say it enough: Rori knows what she’s talking about! It all works!

  358.  #361Brandylion on June 1, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    A friend just posted on Facebook:

    When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.

    OOOOHHHH, I like it!

  359.  #362Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    361 Brandylion
    “like” 🙂

  360.  #363LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    I need to share this healing:

    I went through the same exact situation many times pre-healing, and 2x post-healing.


    He finally stops running around the house getting his stuff done at the end of the evening.
    I feel neglected and ignored.
    He says in a serious ‘I mean it’ stiff eyebrows pressed down look “I’m exhausted, I’m getting to bed real early and sleeping!”

    My NVs would go internally ‘that means no s3x. I wonder if he’s mad at me. Maybe he would like me to go sleep at my place.’
    I would go to bed, kiss him good night, turnover and wonder what I did wrong.
    I would feel stiff, tense, worried and angry at him for being so cold.
    I would sleep with my back to him.
    I woke up in the morning to him jumping out of bed without a single look at me.
    I felt sad at his coldness. No kiss, no hug, no ‘have a good day’, just the front door closing.


    He says in a serious ‘I mean it’ stiff eyebrows pressed down look “I’m exhausted, I’m getting to bed real early and sleeping!”

    ME: “Me too, I feel so sleepy, I feel myself drifting off already. yawn :O ” NVs are nowhere to be found.

    I open the covers to join him in bed and notice he’s not wearing his usual boxers and say “ooh, you’re nak3d! 🙂 ”

    HIM: “It doesn’t mean anything : ! ”

    ME: Still no NVs in sight, I take off my cami and pj pants and throw them accross the room.
    Then I lay back, spread my arms open (receiving position) and say “I’m naked, but it doesn’t mean anything.”
    I did what I felt like spontaneously, I didn’t plan it and didn’t care about the outcome.

    HIM: lolololol 😀

    He was aaall over me and we had alot of fun 😉
    I woke up in the morning to a kiss, a hug and a ‘have a good day baby 🙂 .

    THE DIFFERENCE: Absence of fear and feeling worthy of fun and affection.

  361.  #364LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 6:41 pm


    Brandylion: I like! 🙂

  362.  #365Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    T-Girl –

    188 – Thank you! I copied it down. I am getting a better relationship with money all the time! I just have a ways to go! Sounds like a good one!

    Yay! I got the loan! And double yay, because I TOTALLY implemented Operation Feeling Messages with the loan officer!!! I feel so proud of myself! In the past, I would have been loud, angry, and snapping at her. Today, I used all of Rori’s tools! I leaned back, talked softly and calmly, and I said stuff like this:

    I feel confused: I have provided more than sufficient documentation to establish both my identity and my residency. I don’t understand what piece of information is still needed. I kept the tension out of my voice, using Rori’s visualizations of me being a mermaid, and envisioning myself walking out of the office with the loan check!

    I explained how I stated when I called from T Mobile that I specifically was calling so I could gauge how much to spend on a phone. I said I would have bought the $25 phone if I had been told (not “if YOU had told me”) there was no final decision yet. I was NOT irresponsible spending half my rent money on a phone. I can NOT NOT pay my rent on time. I can NOT get evicted. Please help me. Please work with me. I am doing my best to work with you. I stayed up til 1 am searching for the document.

    At first she gave me the broken record, that only specific documents were acceptable. I continued to negotiate using feeling messages and I want/can’t/don’t want to, etc messages.

    Finally she said, “Just a minute.” She called her supervisor and talked privately in another room. She came back out, saying a different document would be usable.

    I thanked her very politely, leaving out all the indignation that with which I would have been dripping in the past.

    It ended with Rori’s “Be surprised!” part…

    As I walked out the door, the loan officer said, “Good luck, sweetie!”

    I thought, “Sweetie?? No one has EVER called me that after a tense situation like this before!” I felt soooo happy that I felt confidently equipped with Rori’s tools! They work!

  363.  #366LiliBee on June 1, 2012 at 7:01 pm



    “tell the mice I love them”.

    I feel so mushy wushy jelloey reading he said that.

    He is too adorable 🙂

  364.  #367Brandylion on June 1, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    Radlove #355: I feel happy for you!

  365.  #368Brandylion on June 1, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Oops, #365!

  366.  #369Francesca on June 1, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Radlove, yay! I feel so proud of you, good work, siren! 🙂

    I’m getting a happy feeling from today’s blog, I feel sad I couldn’t join you, I missed you all today, couldn’t go online at work at all. 🙁

    Anyway, been reading a bit since I got home and will read more tomorrow.

    I got to go to bed now, feeling tired. Had a good day but my neck hurts.

    Good night!

  367.  #370Starla on June 1, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    I ended up meeting a girl friend for a celebratory drink and it felt good overall. It felt bad to hear her talk about her new guy who is really into linguistics and speaks German. CF is really into linguistics and speaks German. Ah well. I thought I’d stay for another beer and some food, but I could sense that the alcohol and the environment was pulling me backwards mentally and emotionally. So I left after 1 beer saying I needed to get to the organic grocery store before it closed. I still feel a little tipsy because I’m a lightweight, but when I sober up in a few minutes here, I’m gonna get my butt in my workout clothes and run a couple of miles on the treadmill in the apartment complex gym.

    I almost abandoned myself, ladies! *almost*. But I didn’t. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I love myself too much.

    I think in the past I would have stayed out and just gotten totally drunk and maybe pigged out on some fried foods. Which is VERY FUN! One of my favorite things to do is get drunk and eat fried foods:). But it’s not what I need right now. I need to focus on my healthy intentions. Numbing myself with alcohol and food only works for a few minutes, and then I feel even worse emotionally! No thank you, not for me!

    Ahhh I feel scared and brave all at the same time! I feel so surprised and pleased with how well I take care of myself and make healthy, happy choices.

  368.  #371Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    R initiated texting me…we are texting right now. I feel happy. 🙂

    Of course all my resolve went out the window. 🙂

  369.  #372Daria on June 1, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    im seeing how much ‘game’ guy who had, which made women and peaople interested in him

    i even saw him doing it

    he would like, read an article, and then ASK a person about it, really get interested in that person and what they had to say…

    not the usual, i mean with curiosity

    this is a skill one can learn

    also touching lightly

    and the ‘eye gaze’

    as well as the ‘stance’


    these are all skills Rori teaches actually! the feminine form of them

    no wonder he had so many women interested

  370.  #373Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    At first R was asking me about general how are you doing what’s new stuff. Now he has asked me twice how are you feeling?

    Please understand, I have found feeling messages are a dangerous place for me to go with this man, especially via text. He is a toxic man.

    The first time I ignored it, and the second time I said fine.

    I feel unsure how to segway into saying I would rather talk about anything personal like my feelings on the phone or in person. Feeling vulnerable after getting too intense with him recently.

  371.  #374Starla on June 1, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Radlove, sorry to butt my nose in, but I don’t think R has a problem with feeling messages. I think he has a problem with the intensity/volume of them that you’ve presented to him.

    something kinda like “actually feeling quite lovely and taken care of by god and the universe right now, thank you for asking:)” would be fine. And then I’d set the phone down and remind myself that i don’t want to get wrapped up in talking to him period and focus on something to take care of me:)

  372.  #375Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 8:01 pm


    Thank you!

  373.  #376Starla on June 1, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    and i’m loving how you were so focused on yourself today and the loan thing, you probably weren’t even worried about him at all today, and so he initiated.

    magic energy

    a lil creepy lol and very cool!

    voting for yourself works wonders.

  374.  #377Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 8:20 pm


    376 – Right on! I was thinking about him, but I was more thinking about K! I saw him today for the first time since Christmas! I felt more connected to him than ever! He is completely out of the dog house after being an absolute in love sweet heart!

    I see so much growth in my relationship with R, as a result of the shift after 12 years, using Rori’s tools this past year or so more and more! I feel heard!!! He is really showing his best side and I’m ….smitten! LOL!

  375.  #378Radlove on June 1, 2012 at 8:22 pm


    This was supposed to say:

    I see so much growth in my relationship with K (not R), as a result of the shift after 12 years, using Rori’s tools this past year or so more and more! I feel heard!!! He is really showing his best side and I’m ….smitten! LOL!

  376.  #379Starla on June 1, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    That’s awesome, Radlove. I feel excited about that smitten energy carrying over to attract more readily available men on the “outside”. Woohoo

  377.  #380Emoticon on June 1, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    one CD just said : would love to introduce u to my mom but if i introduce u as a close friend and not a gf it might be interpreted wrong.

    for some reason that made me smile

  378.  #381Coco Kisses on June 1, 2012 at 8:57 pm


    It feels soooo good to write to you all. Any momentary negarivity has vanished. When I have time I will go back through the thread to see what’s up with u all individually. ME…I am opening up my own Brow & Nail Salon!!!!! Got the keys last week, and got approved for my state license MONDAY!!!! THings are falling into place and it feels good. I do sometimes feel mad with my soon to be ex husband, for how he treated me during our marriage, but over all I feel grateful that I learned so many positive things about myself. This week in particualr I’ve been feeling mad and want to write him a letter expressing my anger, which I did, but did not send it off. My counselor (who is a man, who specializes in helping women to become 100% emotionally available) told me that in order to heal, that I should cut off ALL contact, except what is necessary for the divorce, and that even that should be done via email. I will admit, I feel much better not having any communication with him…what do u guys think???

    Love ya – Coco

  379.  #382Emoticon on June 1, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Radlove 🙂

  380.  #383Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    Ive really been wanting to contact RecycledCD this week and take him up on a favor he offered…I actually do need help with this and I don’t feel close enough to my other new CDs to ask…

    Hmm debating if I should call him.

  381.  #384Starla on June 1, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    The treadmill in the gym happened to be broken! And there was someone else already using the working one. So I decided to run in the neighborhood. I decided to just run a certain route I had in mind around 1 time, not even knowing how far it is (but figured about a mile) but when I got back to my starting point, I didn’t at all feel like stopping! So I ran it AGAIN! And I could have kept going, but it was getting late, and I didn’t want to accidentally over-do it because I’m too high from endorphins to notice I am going to hard. Then I got home and looked up the distance, and I ran 2.75 miles! I usually run 2 on the treadmill, but it turns out I can effortlessly run significantly more! I had no idea I could do that. I’ve only been running regularly for a week or so. I guess I could run a 5k (3.1 miles) any day now. Maybe I should set some speed goals and go for it. Cool!!

  382.  #385Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    leaning baaack…

    I did talk to OrangeCrushCD earlier today (he called me) 🙂 but he has yet to solidify a time to meet….I like talking to him though…I actually feel kinda turned on when I see his name or when I talk to him hee hee!!!

  383.  #386Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    Starla=Rock Star

  384.  #387Starla on June 1, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    Thanks, Emerson!

    It would feel fun to pick out really cute running clothes for a 5k and just check it out and see how it feels. Wow I feel amazed that this is even a casual option for me, haha, I am getting to be in really good shape:D

  385.  #388Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Emerson=making up excuses to call RecycledCD
    (although I COULD *really* use his help right now)

  386.  #389Emerson on June 1, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    I tried practicing 5 second smile today but I didn’t do too well…gawsh it’s just akward!!!!!!

  387.  #390Jenny on June 1, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    357 @ Emerson
    358 @Emerson

    Yes I have learned the hard way – allways tell what I’m feeling.

    Some month ago I didnt do that to an CD…I totelly went cold on him, since I was feeling fear and afraid for my feelings. He havent contacted me since it…and I’m so sorry for not being honest to myself.

    So I see it as leason; allways stay true to myself.

    Hmm yeah, I’m havent yet sent it…but I’m going for “ledsen” or maybe “besviken” oh and the word Little in front – since it aint a big feeling…just a little sad 🙂

  388.  #391Jenny on June 2, 2012 at 12:08 am

    I went with disepointed…and now sent 🙂

  389.  #392Starla on June 2, 2012 at 12:12 am

    I signed up for very early morning sessions at the gym next to my job. This should do wonders for my rough mornings. For one thing, I won’t have the luxury of lying in the bed feeling worried about CF “stuff,” because I’ll have to get right out of bed and get into my gym clothes and get on the train downtown. And for another thing, working out might be really good for releasing endorphins at that time of day.

    It just might be totally possible to start having GOOD days from start to finish:)

  390.  #393Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 12:20 am

    392 awesome Starla!

  391.  #394Jenny on June 2, 2012 at 12:23 am

    392 Feels good starla: you get two bonus…you get something to do the make the inside boy happy…and you take care of yourself.

  392.  #395Starla on June 2, 2012 at 12:27 am

    Thank you so much for the support, ladies:) I am truly changing my life. I can’t believe it!

  393.  #396Starla on June 2, 2012 at 12:31 am

    I am here for me and that feels really good.

  394.  #397Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 12:57 am

    391 Jenny
    sounds good….

  395.  #398Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 1:02 am

    “Is your man willing to risk everything for you?”

  396.  #399Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 1:10 am

    I’m thinking about getting love scripts…

  397.  #400Jenny on June 2, 2012 at 1:15 am

    …I feel so tired at myself…why cant I just see the good things.

    I mean he did send me and sms – even if it was to tell me he have to work this weekend

    My NV is runing wilde; “Yeah right, he is online on msn right now” “He is just saying that, since he dont want to meet you”

    …and I’m angry at myself for even thinking those thoughts – I eman I have a good feeling inside my body, why cant I just listen to that, inteed of going with my NV

    I mean – I wouldnt even bother to send an sms if he was not intrested. So why not jsut focus on the good things.

    I might be on “Stnad by”…or going soon or…whatever – all that matter is that he did send an sms; i rather have a man who tell me he cant see me, then one who never tell me.

  398.  #401Jenny on June 2, 2012 at 1:28 am

    haha – a man what angry ppl is at me on the swedish forum for writing “I feel a little disepointed, I was looking forward to meet” to this man.

    All is saying:
    “You cant say taht, he will be afraid”
    “Sounds like you are trying to give him guilty feelings, why not just say…”ok, it will be mre chances”

    and so on and on – and I cant agree with any of them. IF he cant take I’m feeling disepointed…then that is HIS problem.

    I eman I’m in my right to feel disepointed even if I understand he need to work.

  399.  #402Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 1:31 am

    Wow Jenny, I feel so impressed and happy that you are breaking out of that stifled mindset of not expressing ourselves fully and genuinely….
    I think it is common in the Swedish culture not to “make waves” and just go with the flow…not make anyone “feel bad’….whatever that means….my family is like this…GOD FORBID you actually speak your feelings…(although I love them dearly)

    I feel so happy reading what you write…it’s inspiring.

  400.  #403Jenny on June 2, 2012 at 1:43 am

    I know what they mean – I really do. But I also know, if I cant speak my feelings with this man who I like , even if it feels scary – then I’m dishonest to myself again.

    yeah there is a chance he feel bad about the sms, about he need to work. I also know I want to give him my understanding and not being angry at him for working.

    I agree with Starla about it; There is no anger in it, I have said thanks for him contacting me…mm I’m now thinking maybe I should have written something positive at the end.

  401.  #404Ella on June 2, 2012 at 2:32 am

    Good Morning Sirens.

    I am feeling good this morning.

    Started my day with some fresh strawberries and cream – Ummmm 🙂

    So yesterday MWC relationship requested me on FB… he also removed the offending post from his ex from his FB page and he sent her a message saying thank you very much but it didn’t feel right for him to accept he gift she left him as he is with someone else now… and would she collect it when she collects the dog.

    She sent him one back saying ‘You need to grow up! That gift was to say thank you for your help with …. (something about sorting out the problem with the bank account)’

    We left it at that.

    It felt weird hearing about it but it felt good that he is protecting and cherishing our relationship.

    Oh and he said he is already on it regarding closing down the joint account. He is going into the bank next week.

    So that is that and I feel a little weird still but very pleased with how he sorted it out… and kinda a bit defensive of him when she told him he needs to grow up!

    That is not my experience of him at all.

  402.  #405LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 5:02 am


    Starla, you always find a way to take good care of yourself. Awesome 🙂

  403.  #406Francesca on June 2, 2012 at 5:21 am

    Ella, “you need to grow up” sounds icky to me too.

    I even said it out loud, in a sarcastic tone when I read that. :/

    Does this woman have any pride left at all?

  404.  #407Francesca on June 2, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Jenny, I don’t feel like you should’ve added anything else than what you already wrote at the end of your message.

    It all sounded fine to me.

    Remember that less is more.

  405.  #408lilybelly on June 2, 2012 at 5:38 am


    I have mucho compassion for myself and have experienced much healing for my girl at all stages of her life.

    We ALL are always doing the very best we can at any given moment..the very best we know how. This is something that I say often…and one of the truest statements ever said or heard. And it is in that thought that forgiveness, on many levels, has occurred. For myself and for others.


  406.  #409LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 6:14 am


    Lilybelly 🙂

    That feels good to read.
    I can’t read it often enough, and repeat it often enough to keep myself in it.
    It feels soothing every time.

  407.  #410Lucy on June 2, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Do any sirens live in Denmark?

  408.  #411Radlove on June 2, 2012 at 6:21 am


    379 – “That’s awesome, Radlove. I feel excited about that smitten energy carrying over to attract more readily available men on the “outside”. Woohoo

    Thank you! I have three CDs right now on the “outside”, all of whom I have not met yet. There is Vintage, CO, and Friar, who I may be meeting today. Yorkie faded out of the picture again, for no apparent reason.

  409.  #412Radlove on June 2, 2012 at 6:28 am


    372 – “im seeing how much ‘game’ guy who had, which made women and peaople interested in him”

    Zan Perrion also teaches that to men…I wonder if guy who listened to him?

    That is the same attraction I feel for R, because he listens so darn well and asks questions about what I am telling him.

  410.  #413Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 6:28 am

    Ella like lilybelly says she is doing her best. That is her way of expressing her appreciation though it might be crossing your boundary. Maybe if it was someone else with MWC it would not be a problem as they might have another boundary for that relationship. Which in my opinion would not make it wrong. This is honoring your feelings though and the relationship that you want to build. Please bear in mind though that some day the tables will be turned and that he might need to establish a boundary around a situation with someone from your past.

    Her telling him to grow up seemed very masculine to me and though all of us could always use some maturing in life I am wondering if your feeling around being defensive of him was your mind taking the statement personal seeing you were influential in the outcome. Just some thoughts………

    Also as I type MWC I remembered the meaning of the acronym and again felt some tightening up in my head around it. In other words wondering when is he going to transform into someone like “my sweetie”.

    Sorry if I come across as butting in or telling you as I am feeling a bit introspective wondering when am I going to surrender into a relationship.

  411.  #414Radlove on June 2, 2012 at 6:28 am


    410 – I think Jenny does.

  412.  #415LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Starting to get ready for the big vacation trip with D.

    Packing personal hygene items.

    I’m starting to feel nervous.
    I feel relieved that I get the whole weekend to myself to get my place clean and pack, all on my own time.

    I feel nervous about being at the airport, going through security and customs.
    We have a short layover to switch planes.
    I anticipate how nervous and stressed I’ll feel to run to find the luggage and the gate.
    At the same time, I feel excited and happily thrilled to go on an adventure with my main man.

    He said to me “being together 24/7 will be a real test of our relationship”
    I don’t feel worried about that.
    I’m looking forward to being in the moment, having fun and relaxing…paying attention to my feelings and expressing them.

  413.  #416Radlove on June 2, 2012 at 6:32 am


    404 – Congratulations!!

  414.  #417Radlove on June 2, 2012 at 6:36 am

    My conversation with R was very positive last night. After we had texted for a half hour or so, I kept letting the conversation drop, to keep him initiating. He texted, “What would you like to talk about?”

    I said, “I would feel ok to talk on the phone.”

    He immediately called me, and hearing his voice was like hearing the gurgling of a stream over rocks after walking for hours with nothing to drink!

    He said he is doing far better, and I could hear it in his beautiful voice! We talked about how we both are finding it productive to choose positive thoughts and words, and to keep a positive attitude.

    Then once again he got into how are you feeling, about our friendship. I told him I feel really embarrassed about my behavior, and that he’s seen me at the worst of my worst. I said I feel vulnerable, because I don’t know what you think of me at this point, if you’re disgusted with me.

    He said, “Yeah, I’m pretty much keeping my distance.” I forget exactly how he worded it.

    I said, “I don’t want to turn you off. But I find myself doing it so you push me away, because I don’t seem to have the self control to keep myself away. And I know that’s not healthy, and I”m really sorry, and I’m really working on myself. I am learning to give compassion to my weak parts, and I hope you would be willing to do the same. I really don’t kike my behavior when I act like that, I’m making a lot of progress tho, and I’m feeling more deep inner shifts.”

    He didn’t comment much, just kept asking questions, like, “What kind of shifts?” I didn’t say much more on the topic, because it felt like dangerous ground. I just went back into positive talk about life and how beautifully God’s taking care of me and how far I’ve come.

    I feel very happy because we were on the phone a long time – I lost track – I am guessing 30-45 min. And that told me he hasn’t left my life altogether, and that feels really good.

    I think I am going to try to keep texting to a minimum from now on and just not sure how to stay on safe ground, but I”m going to try. Because I really like him in my life.

  415.  #418Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Jenny I personally don’t like saying “I am looking forward to meeting you” anymore. Reason being, to me, it reeks of “I am thinking about you until we meet because I have no life and nothing better to do”. I tend to prefer something like I feel disappointed but will use the opportunity to go enjoy blah blah blah with my girlfriend or kids.

    At the end of the day though the proof is in how he reacts to the statement. That could help guide you in how to handle something like that in future. Remember to experiment with different things and stay curious, both about yourself and the other person.

  416.  #419Jenny on June 2, 2012 at 6:38 am

    414 and 410.
    No I’m living in Sweden :)…but sweden it is close to Denmark

  417.  #420Jenny on June 2, 2012 at 6:40 am

    418 @ Femininewoman

    Yes you are right…even if I did wrote it a little diffrent then you said:

    “I feel a little disapointed, I was looking forward to meet.”

  418.  #421ReceivingGirl on June 2, 2012 at 6:43 am

    Good morning Sirens! Have not read up on the blog. Been on vacation since Wed. I’m ready to go home. Not much of a vacation. 4 days to go & I find myself really missing Mr. Observant.

  419.  #422Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Lilibee I felt tense reading the beginning of your comment the relaxed when I read about staying in the moment. It seem originally that you had already decided how you were going to feel. I encourage you to remember that you can focus on objects, how the bag feel in your hand or on your shoulder. How your feet feels on the ground, your butt on the seat or your dress against your skin. The drink going down, the air/breeze against your face, how you feel in the color you are wearing. It does not have to be about the relationship. That is for you to just enjoy when he creates those memorable “moments”. It might not be 24/7.

  420.  #423Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 6:45 am

    I missed you RG

  421.  #424Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 6:56 am

    RE 381 CoCo I believe your counsellor is right. The less contact the less anger. He won’t have access to your buttons or triggers. You do and as such you can change them.

  422.  #425ReceivingGirl on June 2, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Thank you FW! I find the phone so hard to use for the blog.

  423.  #426Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Very interesting that could be instructive for relationships

    Building a Better Dad

    And it only took a bunch of kids for me to let go of the parenting reins I had been holding so tightly. Because as much as I wanted to do it on my own, I learned that it wasn’t actually the best for me, my husband, and most of all, my kids.

    There’s a reason why he’s called “the dad” and not “the babysitter.” And it’s not just the dads that need the reminder. We moms do too.

  424.  #427lilybelly on June 2, 2012 at 7:27 am



    Every one of us has had or does have guys who poof on us. They are lessons and good ones at that.

    I used to be in my head about the poofers, always questioning myself for what *I* did to make *Them* go away. What a crock of crap.

    It has nothing to do with *us* and everything to do with them and if they are not interested in rock starring their life by association to my rock star life, it is totally THEIR loss. Give ’em an energetic wave ala lk and let them leave your thoughts.

    It’s so freeing and where a lot of healing has occurred for me. I AM not faulty, there isn’t one thing wrong with me and it’s totally their loss. And once I made that shift and healed those thoughts…guess what..they started sticking and I got to chose whether I wanted them to remain in my life or not..not the other way around with me wondering if THEY were going to keep ME in their lives.

    What a shift.

  425.  #428LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 7:28 am


    Hi FW,

    The nervous part I anticipate is being at the airport.

    The being in the moment, I know I can do easily when at destination all week.

    I’ll be sure to remember your suggestions to be in the moment while at the airport.
    I’m remembering how I feel in those rushy moments with D.
    I’ve been on a plane trip with him before running around airports.
    In those moments, he’s been patient, caring and attentive even while rushing around, and even with bad relationship vibes between us.
    He always looks out for me in those situations, no matter what.
    I need to remember that while at the airport.
    It’s OK to surrender, to let go of control and let him lead.
    It’s OK to trust that I am in good hands with myself and him.
    It’s OK to let myself feel safe.

    I felt so ‘unsafe’ with my 2 exes in those rushy situations.
    They would take off on their own without a glance behind them to see if I’m keeping up.
    They would be moody and snap at me.

    D always grabs my hand, always keeps me in his sight and always asks if I’m OK…and he was that way even after we had a big fight!

    Now, I’m with someone who bends over backwards to make sure I’m safe and OK, it’s OK to allow myself to receive it.

  426.  #429LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Receiving Girl!

    I miss you too.

  427.  #430LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 7:38 am


    Oh Yeah, thumbs up 🙂 We are the prize 🙂

  428.  #431Starla on June 2, 2012 at 7:43 am

    good morning:):)

    REALLY! *GOOD* morning


    going to put some japanese yams in the oven and relax in bed for a while while they bake. Then I’ll grill some chicken and stuff and have myself a beautiful brunch spread.

  429.  #432ulii on June 2, 2012 at 7:46 am

    RE: Femininewoman 243

    I thank you for asking me yesterday to check into myself to find out why I choose feeling guilty. It took me some time, but I have done it .. i think I can almost know why.

    I think feeling guilty is actually the easy way out of something more uncomfortable. It is a static feeling with what I can stay in “status quo” and not actually act on something and try to make it better. And where I can still remain still and not take the full responsibility of my life.

    Taking the full responsibility means moving into an unknown territory. And it feels so scary. What if I can not do it perfectly well? What if I fail? What if that then everybody finds out I am worthless..?.. NVs like that come up…

    So…feeling guilty is as I partly show myself I am not cold & emotionless (I care)..but from other side I still don’t have to act or do anything different (because that scares me more than remaining in the guilt feeling..).

    But I agree it is useless and actually it is bad for me.
    I would like to choose something else instead. Some more constructive and better feeling. I wonder how to get to that… 🙂

    Again, thank you FW! Your input, even if brief, has always so much wisdom. 🙂

  430.  #433Brandylion on June 2, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Even though I feel nearly as great as I did a year ago when I first met PriestCD, I do still feel occasional pangs of sadness that we’re really over. I just realized that under those pangs, I also feel afraid of starting over with someone new. He is a known quantity, he is comfortable, and I miss that! But I was able to be open and to establish a connection with him last June; why should I not be able to do the same now with someone else? Of course I can!

  431.  #434Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 8:11 am

    I am feeling excited just thinking about focussing on those good things he does and feeling all taken care of and protected. D sounds real yummy when in full masculine mode.

  432.  #435Starla on June 2, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Brandylion, I soooo know what you mean, girl!

    I feel excited about just how okay we’re gonna be:)

  433.  #436Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 8:12 am

    You are welcome ulii. Sometimes asking ourselves those tough question and help our intuition unearth and reawaken things hidden inside us that we have buried deeply.

  434.  #437ulii on June 2, 2012 at 8:15 am

    RE 363 Lilibee

    Thank you for sharing this PRE_HEALING & POST-HEALING sitations! Absolutely wonderful examples how
    “Absence of fear and feeling worthy of fun and affection”
    can make so big difference.

  435.  #438Brandylion on June 2, 2012 at 8:18 am

    I heard this song on the radio last night, and I felt moved and cried. I heard it the first time shortly before our break-up, and I realized then that this is the way I want to feel and it was not the way I was feeling with him. I felt sad all over again remembering that.

  436.  #439ulii on June 2, 2012 at 8:22 am


    Are you Swedish too?

  437.  #440Radlove on June 2, 2012 at 8:25 am


    427 – “It has nothing to do with *us* and everything to do with them and if they are not interested in rock starring their life by association to my rock star life, it is totally THEIR loss.”

    Wow, I love what you wrote, especially this. Thank you! Right on!

    I’ve also been pondering what Daria said the other day, that ALL of them are going to poof except ONE. That really helps put it in perspective! Then I don’t mind so much!

    So many men, so little time, LOL!

  438.  #441Radlove on June 2, 2012 at 8:31 am


    Thanks for the song “thank you” by Estelle, I really enjoyed it/

  439.  #442Radlove on June 2, 2012 at 8:33 am


    438 – I love that song.

  440.  #443ulii on June 2, 2012 at 8:34 am

    RE Radlove 365

    I am in awe how you have handled the situation with the loan officer! And congratulations for the loan!!

    I have noticed this lately… Even pre getting know Rori…living in Spain, where people in general were more polite than here in Estonia, specially any kind of client-service, even public… .I got used to speak politely, nice tone and smiling, and got that back from the other counterpart (or maybe they got that back from me…as they were polite first). Here it is so usual all this kind of clerks are often on the bitter mood,seem angry & irritated with you. And the people get angry and demanding to them too. So when I go here with the smiley face I’m used to. And be polite…and don’t get angry back to them…At first they haver really surprised look on their faces, later thay continue a while being a bit grumpy….and at the end they surprise me smiling and being nice and helping to have aa solution to any kind of problem.
    And with feeling messages it all works even quicker. 🙂

  441.  #444Starla on June 2, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Music is still so triggering to me. I just barely even started listening to music again. Me and CF were very very bonded over music. I feel so glad that music is triggering me less and less over time.

  442.  #445ulii on June 2, 2012 at 8:57 am

    @444 Starla

    I can really relate to this!

    Music has always been so triggering to me…. and continues to be. All of it. I actually really love many kinds of music a lot. But it has so big effect on me. Some is healing (like listening to Rachmaninov’s piano concerts in a big emotional turmoil helps me going trough the bad deep dark place and become more calm), some is pushing me to the depression or being nostalgic in a bad way…rewinding memories over and over again.

    I have to be really careful with the music I’m listening. So often I don’t listen at all out of the fear of being triggered in a bad way.

    Which always has a positive effect though.. is baroque music like Händel’s Music for the Fireworks or his Water-Music..

  443.  #446Starla on June 2, 2012 at 9:00 am

    ulii, i listen to a lot of ‘relaxation’-type music, like zen buddhist instrumentals and chants. That’s not triggering at all, yay:)

  444.  #447LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 9:17 am


    Oh, when my fear and insecurity take over, they blind me and keep me from receiving that masculine energy.
    That feels tense, stuck and closed-off.

    Hmmm, what if I allowed the nervous feelings to be, and just share them with him…then be open and receiving to his maculine giving?
    They won’t fight to take over and dominate if I just let them come out where they can be seen and heard.
    Then practice the tools to sooth them.
    That feels free and flowy.

  445.  #448Dominique on June 2, 2012 at 9:37 am

    CocoKisses – #381 – Huge congratulations!!! That’s so awesome. I also agree with your counselor.


  446.  #449Dominique on June 2, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Radlove – I feel SO impressed with how you handled the loan officer. WOW!!!


  447.  #450Starla on June 2, 2012 at 9:49 am

    After smoking pot very regularly for at least a few months, I stopped smoking it about a week ago to give my body and lungs the break I could feel they needed from smoke. It feels weird not to inhale smoke. I’ve eaten some “special brownies” in the last week instead of smoking, and even though they have a much stronger psychoactive effect than smoked mj, it doesn’t feel as good to me because I don’t feel that heavy, hot, not-exactly-painful-but-probably-not-all-that-good-for-you feeling in my lungs. It feels like something is missing, and I am craving that feeling in my lungs.

    It occurs to me now that I find gratification in subtle forms of pain/discomfort in my body, and I am taking an inventory now of any other ways I might be doing this. One way I can think of is not stretching after working out and just being sore. Another is languishing about when I need to eat something, as my stomach pain and blood sugar imbalance grow worse and worse. All I would have to do is get up and eat something, but instead I sit there and suffer. I also do this with not drinking water when I feel dehydrated.

    Of course, if I create these patterns in my physical experience, I probably am doing similar things in my emotional one. So now I am trying to figure out what that looks like and where I am doing it, but so far I feel a little clueless. But I can sense that I am really, really on to something.

  448.  #451Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 9:58 am

    430 Ulii yes I am 🙂

  449.  #452Healing Waterfall on June 2, 2012 at 9:58 am

    “We need in love to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily, we do not need to learn it.” – Rainer Maria Rilke This quote isn’t about letting go of a relationship that’s not working, it’s about letting go of your attachment to a man that’s unhealthy and ultimately destructive to love. You learned to form this kind of attachment when you were young — and part of becoming a mature woman is growing out of it. Do you remember how you “loved” when you were a teenager? I do. I had “crushes” on boys and spent hours daydreaming about them. I not only longed for boys I saw at school, but I also became […]

    from Virginia Clark’s e newsletter

    i really resonate with this….I feel swamped with CD’s texting me and phoning me and it feels so great, I am really enjoying it….but yesterday after I talked with one, engineerCD, who seems incredibly nice, I felt longing for accountantCD. I really need to do more than just say to him this is over, I am done….I need to meditate and let go, over and over….
    Hi everyone!

  450.  #453Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 10:00 am

    365 Yay Radlove!

  451.  #454Starla on June 2, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Lilibee, you are going to be fine and have a dandy time rushing around the airport, all excited to get to where you’re going, weeee!:). Whether he’s holding your hand or not, this is totally possible!

    But anyway, something I learned from taking dozens of flights for my last job is that Time at the airport is a constant whether you feel rushed like crazy or not. My boss used to get us to the airport less than an hour from our flight, gah! I hated him for it at first, though! I always used to worry we would miss flights, and his unhelpful attitude p*ssed me off too, but we never actually missed one and we never actually got into a fight, so I became desensitized to it.

  452.  #455Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 10:05 am

    OrangeCrush has been consistent in contacting me pretty much every day…with his initiation first. 🙂
    When he says how are you or good morning or what not, I have been practicing saying thank you etc…instead of saying how are you? back at him or good morning to you too…back at him….I’m receiving and it’s nice 🙂

    I used so many FM yesterday when I talked to him. It actually felt pretty natural…he is easier to talk to now that I’m not all nervous…and I do feel like he really likes me 😀

  453.  #456LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 10:06 am



    I feel awed at how you are getting to know yourself so deeply.
    You are building a deep, strong and lasting connection to yourself.
    No judging, just observing with curiosity…just like Rori guides us to do.

    Thank you for sharing how it’s done.

    I’m a tobacco smoker. I’m planning not to smoke from the moment I get in the car to go to the airport.
    I’ll have nicotine patches and gum with me.

    I’m noticing I felt the cr8p coming up my airways at zumba.
    I feel comfortably attached to feeling that…odd.
    What would it feel like to not feel the inflammation in my airways when I do cardio workouts?
    To let the oxygen flow freely?
    I’m feeling stiff, like how I feel when I’m holding on to something and holding it down…stuffing down…hmmm.

  454.  #457Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 10:06 am

    455 I meant that I’m NOT saying those things back at him..and instead, receiving….lol I’m still having my morning coffee

  455.  #458Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Lilibee and Starla
    I smoked cigarettes for years.

    Starla I can identify with what you said cuz I used to like the nauseous, sicky feeling in my stomach that smoking in the morning would give me.
    I used to want the headrush that actually felt dizzying and bad when I really think about it now.

    I stopped cold turkey one day after my ToxicEx and I split up. I just realized one day that hey this is not fulfilling and comforting like it once was…and he was not there to smoke with me so it stopped there.

    I have actually tried to relapse (LOL) but smoking since then just does not have the same appeal.

    What also scared me into stopping was the idea of bladder cancer. A lot of smokers (tobacco or otherwise) end up with bladder cancer because all the toxins end up in our urine to be excreted and it sits in our bladder which makes the cancer happen…for some reason that really freaked me out.
    Also remembering that quitting when you are younger (I was in my 30s) increases chances that your body can recover and repair.

    Just fyi. I feel your pain and I used to LOVE smoking.

  456.  #459LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 10:13 am


    I suffer from the classic “afraid of being afraid” syndrome.
    I feel a little ridiculous.
    Maybe it’s that comfortable attachment to emotional pain.

  457.  #460LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 10:19 am


    I feel happy to see you being in that relaxed receiving energy Emerson 🙂
    The video of a blooming flower is coming to mind.

  458.  #461Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 10:22 am

    aw thanks Lilbee!!
    I hope you have a great trip, I know you will.
    Airports are stressful but sounds like you are in good hands. 🙂

  459.  #462LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 10:30 am


    You got me thinking Emerson:

    You quit after a breakup…With me it’s the opposite.
    My longterm relationships were all with nonsmokers.
    I don’t want a man smoker to be encourageing me to smoke.
    I want a non smoker to encourage me to quit.

    But the rebel child in me…
    I associate smoking with the feeling of freedom.
    As a teenager, whenever I would be out of my parents’ sight, I would feel relief to be free to do as I please.
    The most representative action of taking advantage and enjoying that freedom was smoking cigarettes.

    When I got divorced, I bought my 1st car. After a couple of weeks driving around, I thought to myself: “Hey wait a minute! This car is all mine! I can do what I please in it! So I started smoking in my car while driving.”

    When my nonsmoker bf is not around, it pops in my head immediately “Hey, I can do whatever I want with no one to scrutinize and criticize me!”

    And I feel triggered and worried when I see my bf not taking care of himself by neglecting his health.

  460.  #463Ella on June 2, 2012 at 10:31 am



    🙂 XXXXX

  461.  #464LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 10:33 am


    Oh, ah-ha moment!

    I learned to take care of my 7 year old little girl, and she’s all grown up now.
    I’m the adult responsible for her now!
    What about that rebellious teenager?
    I need to take care of her too!
    There’s another stranger for me to get to know (from the Toxic Men Program)

  462.  #465Ella on June 2, 2012 at 10:37 am


    Yes I realise it could just be her way of expressing her gratitude… but I don’t really think so.

    My intuition tells me she still has feelings for him… but I’m not going to hold that over her.

    But yes she did cross my boundaries and trigger me, and her posting on his FB like that felt very territorial.

    Anyway its all sorted now.

    As far as him transforming… it sure feels like he has to me…

    I have NEVER felt so good in a relationship.

    He takes good care of me… and if ever I feel bad I can express and know exactly what to do to take care of myself.

    He hasn’t been drinking and he is seeing a professional that he chose.

    So all in all, it feels like a complete transformation to me.

    I could always feel that he was good.

    There were just a few issues in the way… and so far he has stepped up and taken care of them like a trooper.

    I feel a tremendous amount of respect and appreciation of him.

    And the main thing is *I* feel good anyway.

    I always feel a lil hesitant of writing about this… just in case… cus there’s always the NVs in the back of my mind which like to tell me it won’t last…

    But you know what to heck with it cus it feels good to celebrate what is good in the moment.

  463.  #466LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 10:37 am


    Oh, 2nd ah-ha!

    I’m the adult responsible for my rebellious teenager now!
    I’ve been making my men responsible for my quitting smoking!…giving up my power to them.

    Oh wow!

  464.  #467LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 10:38 am


    Thank You Ella 🙂

  465.  #468Ella on June 2, 2012 at 10:39 am


    Having fun with the rebellious teenager feels so fun sometimes!

    And you are there to watch she doesn’t go too far!



  466.  #469Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Lilibee about the criticizing and scrutinizing, can you imagine how men feel when we do that to them? Just this morning I caught myself thinking about one and wondering and I told myself no stop. I find I stop myself in my tracks more quickly now. When I find myself obsessively thinking now I tell myself it is disrespectful and invasive to allow the man to live his life the way he choose. It almost feels like following someone around poking at their mind with a microscope to find out every detail of their thinking.


    How invasive and violating is that?

  467.  #470LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 10:54 am



    I believe many men have the good strength hidden in them.
    It all comes out when an inspiring siren sees it in him.
    It’s so awesome how you can inspire him just by being You.
    Thank you for sharing, it feels refreshing to read your evolution.

  468.  #471Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 10:56 am

    469 FW I was imagining calling Recycled and chewing him out the other day because I was feeling angry about things from the past….. and although I knew I would not really do it, it did cross my mind. It felt kind of fulfilling for a second but overall it felt bad and mommyish. Yuck.

    So I continue to lean back. Eventually he does contact me and at this point I”m crushing on OrangeCrush so whatevs!!!! I don’t need Recycled

  469.  #472LiliBee on June 2, 2012 at 10:58 am


    I did that scrutinizing and criticizing plenty with D during our 1st year together…wurk, how trapped and suffocated he must have felt…and he did act out like the rebellious teenager.

  470.  #473Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Emerson a cd who I dated about 3 months ago just called. He has been texting good morning on and off and did it again this morning. I responded by telling him how much his good morning greetings feel like a breath of fresh air and he ended up calling after poofing for 3 months. So I shared the drama of my finger debacle that happened over a month ago. He just kept saying wow and how sorry he was. He ended the conversation by telling me I never sent him a picture but he always my smile and that he wants to invite me out soon. He was concerned about how bandaged up I still was.

    This for me is another lesson in how right Rori is about using feeling messages and poetry to pull a man in.

  471.  #474Femininewoman on June 2, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Squirming and wriggling trying to loosen the grip and get away. Oh god, the poor men in my past life.

  472.  #475Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 11:07 am

    ooh I like that FW about the breath of fresh air…cute! 🙂

    Aww your fingers…I hope you are having a speedy recovery. How are they doing????

    I feel the need to “fix” something with Recycled and it’s kind of eating at me…like I feel weird that he never texted me back or replied from a few weeks back….what I’m feeling is HUMILIATION.

    I feel like I want to “undo” it somehow or make myself “right” that he does CARE….by calling him and actually talking to him…but I know I don’t want to do that. 🙁

    Ack feeling unsettled….like HE is in control…and I don’t like it.

    I also feel ick that when he started talking about being so sexually attracted to me I just ate it up and smiled and took it in, (not saying I’d do anything) but
    I feel I maybe should have put a boundary down and said:

    “oh I feel flattered but I don’t want a sexual frienship” or something like that….

  473.  #476Starla on June 2, 2012 at 11:10 am

    When CF and I started dating, he used to bring me cigarettes to smoke with him. We’d sit under our tree and puff away on our cigarettes. It felt so exhilirating to just sit there and smoke together. My heart would race and there was absolutely no where else I wanted to be. Then I quit in November and he never smoked around me again. I feel so supported just thinking about that. As far as I know, he is otherwise a 1-2 pack a day smoker. He wanted to quit but never could. I feel lucky that I managed to give them up. And I gave up coffee too and pot smoke now… wow I have pretty good discipline… feels promising!!

  474.  #477Arrowofthyme on June 2, 2012 at 11:12 am

    (450) @starla: I lit a candle last night for myself and set it near a hand carved statue of quan yin, the boddishatva of compassion.

    I really resonate with the idea of feeling more comfortable with discomfort. My practice for that has been to sit with the good feelings. I had been learning to sit with the bad ones and thought that was my only work, but it wasn’t. My parents taught me more about punishment than about self-compassion so it makes sense that I’m relearning it. Somatic therapy has helped me a lot with sitting with my feelings and I practice doing things like, if I have an idea that I think is good I don’t share it immediately, I sit with it and share it with myself first for a little while. I tend to want to give it all away. I don’t know if that makes sense. I even went through a phase where whatever my body wanted I would listen to it – from the littlest things like not holding my bladder if I had to go but was too busy, to drinking water when i was thirsty instrad of ignoring it (me too!). I’m trying to feel it all.

    Receiving has been a challenge. Where I am now compared to a year ago is extraordinary but sometimes it seems like such a long road. Yesterday I sat down near the candle and thought about traumas from my childhood and thought of every good thing I had now, no matter how simple, and how im lucky to have survived my childhood. I felt a lot of compassion for the little girl.

  475.  #478Starla on June 2, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Emerson, you can put the boundary out there the next time it comes up in context. You don’t need to do this “maintenance” feeling messaging. Overfunctioning!

  476.  #479Healing Waterfall on June 2, 2012 at 11:16 am

    A really nice moroccanCD has been texting me for days and finally called me this morning….
    he just moved here and invited me out on monday and would like me to pick the place since he does not know the area….
    so far it has totally been him initiating, is this ok for me to suggest the place?

  477.  #480Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 11:19 am

    478 Starla
    Yes it is me wanting to overfunction, but I feel annoyed with myself because I feel like he “won” and thinks he could have sex with me if he wanted to, since my reaction was giggly and playful. I was feeling flattered at the moment it was happening but I had no intention of doing it.

    Anyway I am resisting the urge to overfunction…

  478.  #481Emerson on June 2, 2012 at 11:23 am

    478 Thank you Starla for pointing out that I can do this next time it comes up….I don’t have to make it happen NOW. 😀

    Healing Waterfall I think it’s fine to say something like “It would feel great to share sushi with you” or whatever food you like….he probably just wants to make it known that he wants to please you and take you somewhere you like…..
    If you know a place I think it’s ok to state that…but don’t plan it…

  479.  #482Starla on June 2, 2012 at 11:36 am

    “I practice doing things like, if I have an idea that I think is good I don’t share it immediately, I sit with it and share it with myself first for a little while. I tend to want to give it all away. I don’t know if that makes sense.”

    arrow, it makes perfect sense to me. This describes me exactly. If I have a thought or an idea or a feeling, good or bad, I can’t keep it for myself. I ALWAYS want to give it to someone else. That’s why I post here soooo much. I’m just channeling it all here instead of to other people. I had to take a step back from a friendship that consisted of us just constantly venting/sharing every little thought and feeling to each other via text/IM/email all day long. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I knew I was draining myself and I had to call for an end to it.

  480.  #483Healing Waterfall on June 2, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Thanks Emerson!

    So what is the difference between stating it and planning it?

  481.  #484Daria on June 2, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Blood time! I got my peezy weezy woo hoo!


    Happay Happay 🙂