The New “Girls” – One Step Forward And Two Steps Backward

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bad boyOkay – forget that whole “role model” thing for Hannah of “Girls” that I talked about last post…

This last week on the show, she did stuff (I won’t “spoiler alert”)  that put her backwards two steps…

Adam did stuff and said stuff that made him even more the romantic hero…sigh…

It’s not about “being young.”

It’s about letting our insecurities get the better of us, narrow our vision down so we feel ourselves shrinking, smaller and smaller, until we feel so small and so boxed in, we have nowhere to go.

When we feel like we have nowhere to go – we tend to do this:

Lash out.

And – we almost always lash out at ourselves.

We may scream at the person or situation that we believe put us in this awful-feeling box, we may do things that seemingly “attack” them – and really, we’re screaming at and attacking ourselves.

We eat a gallon of ice cream. We spend more money on anything than we can afford. We drink. We actually hurt ourselves with cutting, liquor, electronic devices, texting mercilessly (the modern version of talking incessantly to ourselves and others about what’s bothering us, only NOT in a therapeutic way, but a repetitive, old-pattern way), unprotected and emotionless sex…

And Hannah is right there, right now.

It makes her seem utterly insensitive, utterly clueless, utterly immature.

It makes her seem so only all-about-herself (what we label “narcissistic”) – when, just the week before, she was able to have a bigger view and connect with other people’s pain as well as her own.

And I’m still rooting for her.

Two steps backward may seem like a lot – but it’s those two steps forward we have to focus on.

It doesn’t matter where you are now, or what you did or thought last night.

All that matters is what you see now, and what you do about it NOW.

If you already have all my programs, and want something extra, new and personal – join my Love Forever client teleclass series.

Right now, though I do a new Love Forever teleclass only twice a year (next one will happen September this year) – there’s 26+ hours of recordings for you to listen to in the Love Forever program…

…all answering questions, live on the calls, about every situation – AND, most important, the first six hours are all new Tools. These are the Tools I use in sessions to work with my clients, and they’re also the Tools I teach my new Rori Raye Relationship Coaches to use with their clients.

Tools like “Tracking,” “Radical Accepting,” new ways to use Circular Dating (plus an interview with my husband about how our marriage works…).

If you want to listen to Love Forever now (and then get on the live teleclasses forever to get your own personal questions answered) – go here:  http://www.coachrori.com/love-forever-program. (If for any reason Love Forever doesn’t work for you, write me or Melanie@CoachRori.com for an immediate refund – it’s my personal client program I’ve decided to make available to the blog community here, so only I handle it…)

Hannah…

The character of Hannah in Girls made me want to teach her “Tracking” and the self-love Tools this minute.

Instead of going past her “comfort zone” with Adam, and by doing so making him want to be with her even MORE in this elevated, crucial, incredibly exciting time for him – she’s turned it all into “about her” and her own insecurities and issues (and listening to the wrong people!).

Watch her do this – and see where you might be shutting down, too, and looking at things from a perspective that’s doing you and your romantic possibilities harm instead of good.

It’s NOT hard to turn this around – it’s not about strategy or lying or pretending – it’s about completely flipping around the way you see things, the way you interpret things, the way you deal with your feelings and your “world view” that makes ALL the difference.

Love, Rori

 

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101 Comments

  1.  #1April Rose on March 17, 2014 at 8:40 am

    I need to flip my world view, and the way I deal with the intensity of my feelings.



  2.  #2Lisa on March 17, 2014 at 10:07 am

    I haven’t read the posts in days since I last posted…. mostly b/c I just had to deal with what was happening to me and how I felt about it….

    I’ve had some really really good realizations about myself and I can say that I feel freeer and more confident than ever… well b/c after doing TheWork lots the past few days….. and allowing life to come to me…. which it did…

    I had a nice birthday…. my children stepped up and spent lots of time with me and went out of their way to make sure I didn’t spend it alone…

    and I went to a gathering just to do something on my birthday evening… and it felt good to have people come to me hug me and wish me a happy birthday and they didn’t know me… and I met a woman who immediately befriended me… and we went out to my fav bar ( I don’t drink but they have GF food and great music) and she told everyone it was my birthday and I got more hugs and more happy birthday…. and I also got to circle date….. I had one man even say can I please wrap myself up in a box with a bow on it and be your birthday gift…. total come on I know… but it was cute and funny….

    I slept so well that night….

    I came home went to bed and got up the next day 12hrs later… I’m so happy my sleep is getting better…

    “J” e-mailed me the night of my birthday and wanted to see me last minute… funny…

    So aside from the fact that his note from the HD about std’s might be bogas ( no comments please, I have enough evidence to think this could be true) and hope that I’m still STD free…

    I’ve really gotten a lot out of this short relationship… lots… of goodies for me…

    I feel so free… and happy and supported by the universe…. I feel so confident in my intuition now… and my ability to recognize men that just are putting on an act…

    I’m also so proud of myself b/c leaning back is so easy and comfortable for me… not that it was ever really hard…

    I think I have more trouble leaning in… but that is getting better…

    for this short relationship, I was able to really get my life back on track and even better than before… I don’t feel overwhelmed anymore and I have things in place now to get moving on my goals…

    I’ve had a very healthy ( on my end) relationship with a man… and I know more about what I need in regards to a man….

    I realized that I really am a secure woman… now I just need to attract secure men… not avoidants that are pretending to be secure…

    I have taken the myers briggs test and know more about myself and my personality now… I’m in the 1% of the population on the test… and it now makes sense to me… what has been transpiring my whole life… I just won’t ever do well with Sensors… which is the majority of the population…

    I actually didn’t fall for this guy… I didn’t even have much in the way of strong feelings for him… and that is good… b/c I noticed that until he started acting like he really cared about me, his words mean NOTHING to me… and his actions didn’t meet his words… I’m proud of me…

    Life is good no- life is great now without a man… even better than good…

    I’m more ready for the right man than I’ve ever been…

    I took my pain that I had last post and really delved into it!!!… and allowed it to speak to me… and I was able to turn it around…. I love growth.. I just love it!!!

    OXOXO



  3.  #3Dominique on March 17, 2014 at 10:23 am

    Lisa – 🙂 You’re awesome.

    xxoo



  4.  #4Femininewoman on March 17, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Wow Lisa. All I can say is Wow!!

    Thanks for sharing.



  5.  #5Shannon P. on March 17, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    Lisa, I want to give you a standing ovation. 🙂



  6.  #6Kyla on March 17, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    Yay Lisa! That felt so inspiring to read. I love it!



  7.  #7Tereana on March 17, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    I just rambled on in the last thread, not realizing there was a new post. Lol.

    I responded to the other comments (all so amazing!)

    And FW, thank you for your note I’m 129! That felt really good, and resonated with me a lot. Your word “clueless” is right on. I think he just didn’t have any idea that it wasn’t a good question to ask. Clueless is the right word, because there was no malice it any intent behind it. It was just a question – and a very inappropriate one at that. Lol

    And it means a lot that you mentioned “choosing relationship.” That’s how it feels. And not just because he has “chosen me,” although that’s an important part – because you can’t “choose relationship” with someone who wants to be single. Lol

    And because I think of my grandparents. My grandfather isn’t perfect. He can be a bit prickly and insensitive with those he loves. But at the end of the day, you know he had a good heart.

    My grandmother is a perfect counterpoint to him. She will always make you feel wonderful and valued. With him, she had this perfect mix of delicacy and authority. She makes word choices that give him the decision-making capacity he craves. But she NEVER gives up her power. She is my ideal siren, in a lot of ways. I don’t know how she put up with him all these years (65!!!). But he truly, truly loves her. And she’s 90, almost 91 and still completely in love with her and attracted to her.

    So a few insensitive comments aren’t great. But I think I can learn from my grandmother that sometimes Love is bigger than these little slights. And he’s not running away from me, either. I can still be myself, no matter what.

    Thank you, sirens!!

    ((((Siren love))))



  8.  #8Kyla on March 17, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    Love to you Tereana!

    Sirens- Is it a pink flag when a man says he now realizes, after 2 marriages, that he’s never actually been ‘in love’ before but is ready and looking for it? I felt odd and a little sad hearing that from a CD today.



  9.  #9Femininewoman on March 17, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    Love to you Tereana



  10.  #10Femininewoman on March 17, 2014 at 7:47 pm

    Kyla it does sound odd but I do believe that a lot of younger people marry for the wrong reasons or don’t even really know a real reason why they wanna get married. Many just get caught up in lust and chemistry. Your words triggered the memory of the song that includes the line “you can’t make your heart feel something it won’t. I can’t make you love if you don’t”.



  11.  #11Zia on March 17, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    Yesterday I heard from a guy I had a fling with about 5 years ago, and haven’t spoken to in about four years. How random!



  12.  #12Zia on March 17, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    Lisa – yay you! 🙂



  13.  #13Millie on March 17, 2014 at 9:01 pm

    Lisa that’s so amazing to hear….. I’m happy for you.



  14.  #14prplpsn28 on March 17, 2014 at 9:08 pm

    🙂



  15.  #15Millie on March 17, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    I feel sad tonight. My sadness and feelings of loneliness used to trigger me to reach out, most of the time to the wrong people. I’ve somehow overcome that, but I’m not sure the alternative is much better . I feel myself withdrawing. It’s almost like all my boy energy is drained. There are so many things I want to do, places I want to go…I’d go alone, but I don’t want to. A friend had hosted a party this wknd and I wasn’t invited. I feel unwanted, like no one wanted me there, like an afterthought. I feel like a social appendage.

    I used to love my job, now I’m beginning to feel drained by it. A few months ago I felt so much momentum with my work, like a rocket shooting up in the sky, but the rocket ran out of gas midway, and now the rocket is coming back down. My body wasn’t ready to just reroute all that energy, all that hope.

    It makes me feel that work isn’t everything. I can’t rely on, “well at least my job is amazing.” I can’t rely on my work defining who I am.

    Anyway, I seem to be a very slow Rori student….my love life is going through a drought.



  16.  #16Emerson on March 17, 2014 at 10:48 pm

    (((Millie)))



  17.  #17Dominique on March 18, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Kyla – 8 – I respect and admire his awareness and honesty. It may be something to take note of while you remain open to and curious about him.

    xxoo



  18.  #18Dominique on March 18, 2014 at 8:09 am

    Millie – All of this is a journey, a learning and growing process, and that you are here speaks volumes. Life and love has its ebbs and flows; you as a living, breathing, human woman will go through energy dips and energy spikes.

    You feel low; you feel high, and anything and everything in between.

    It may not feel this way right now, yet it’s all good, and you are right where you need to be in this moment. And this moment will change in the next moment.

    In the meantime, I send you hugs and love.

    xxoo



  19.  #19Robin on March 18, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    HOW????? Please tell me how to do this! I really, really want to change but it’s so hard…



  20.  #20Dominique on March 18, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    Robin – It starts with awareness, and with this along with desire, dedication, and determination, you can change anything. Please be patient, kind, and gentle with yourself. This is a process, a life long one, yet one which can also be exciting and joy filled if you choose to view it in this way.

    xxoo



  21.  #21Cris on March 18, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    congratulations, Lisa!



  22.  #22Robin on March 18, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    Dominique, thank you, I’ll do my best…



  23.  #23Andrea on March 18, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    Well, St. Patty’s Day date with Joe… went very well. He met me at his truck and opened the door for me after giving me a big hug. He was such a gentleman. Everything was so wonderful and I felt protected by him, proud to be with him as he introduced me to everyone he knows, and just so well taken care of by him.
    The place we went to was absolutely packed and everyone was drinking and buying drinks and the wine just flowed. So it was almost 1:00 am before we left. He asked me if I wanted to see his home which is very close to mine.
    Me.. clouded with wine… said yes. Then of course one thing led to another and we got very steamy and very sexual until I told him I won’t want sex right now and please take me home.
    He did. Still very respectful and nice. Walked me into my lobby. Wanted to know if everything was okay.

    At three in the morning he texted: I want to see you again.
    I texted back the honest truth: I feel very regretful right now.

    The next day he texted me: Please don’t have any regrets. This is me. I couldn’t keep my hands off of you. You’re so sensual.

    (I didn’t know how to respond. I still felt regretting and ashamed at how much I let myself drink and how physical I let myself get when I know I would not have had there been less alcohol. I’m forty for God’s sake!)

    So I didn’t respond to him. I didn’t want to get explainy to him. I didn’t want to have a big conversation about it. I didn’t want to make this anything about him. I was feeling low, but it wasn’t about him. I was feeling low and I wanted to work through my own feelings.

    He texted again: Please forgive me Andrea. I had too much to drink and I let things get out of hand. I want to protect you and I became someone you needed protection from.

    Wow!!! I can’t believe the gushing openness I felt in my heart when I read that. He didn’t blame me or try to justify anything. He didn’t want to shame me or make me feel bad. It was so refreshing. I felt so just.. wonderful. So healed!!! I let the shame just leak out of me in my tears and I realized… this is a man who really wants to care about me right now. And I realized that his asking ME for forgiveness was just the thing I needed in order for me to forgive myself.

    I finally did text him back… but I didn’t say anything about that conversation. I sat down, breathed, and asked myself… “IN this moment, right now, what am I feeling exactly?”

    I texted him: Oh my gosh Joe! I feel so extremely wonderful. I feel so special and at peace. I feel amazed that you can affect so much and I want you to know how much I appreciate your sensitivity to me. Oh Thank you so much! I feel really cared for right now.

    Then he texted back right away: I want to take you out on a true romantic date. Would you accompany me to (this really fancy restaurant) on Friday night? I want to show you how sensitive I really can be if you will allow me to.

    So!! Wow!! I’m very happy right now about how this is going. I told him yes, I really would love to go out with him again on Friday night. And he just thanked me and thanked me… Like I was the Goddess that he just needed to please. Instead of expecting me to be thanking him for the invite, he was thanking me that I had accepted.

    I’m just amazed. I feel thrilled and happy that this is just soooo simple and natural. And I am allowed to just be exactly who I am. It’s wonderful! Wonderful!



  24.  #24Dominique on March 18, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    Andrea – 32 – You are awe inspiring. YAY you!!!

    xxoo



  25.  #25LoveAlways on March 18, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    Wow Andrea! How beautiful, how lovely. I feel so so happy and big hearted right now. I’m smiling and singing. I feel so good reading your post about your romantic connection. Love it!! And enjoy



  26.  #26Turquoise on March 18, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    Piano man is texting me…. 4 weeks and one day since I heard from him. Ladies, they always pop back up!!!



  27.  #27Zia on March 18, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    Andrea 23: love it!! isn’t it amazing how different it feels with someone who we feel heard by, and safe with?



  28.  #28Zia on March 18, 2014 at 7:29 pm

    It’s like when I told M that I needed more time before we made things “official” and he was understanding about it, accepted it, and didn’t press. By him doing that it only took me a few more days to realise that I didn’t want anyone else and the next weekend I agreed to make things official. Because I felt safe and I felt heard and I felt like my needs mattered.



  29.  #29Millie on March 18, 2014 at 8:41 pm

    Andrea–that’s so great!!! What a refreshing response to a woman who feels regret. Usually men play up on that, so refreshing he stepped up!

    Now, I’m going to say something ugly, because that’s how I feel….and it has nothing to do with you Andrea, I love reading your posts and all the amazing reactions you have from men expressing your feelings. I truly feel your siren ness exuding through the screen. The ugly thing I have to say is… that I’m jealous. I feel like a whiny brat right now, stomping her feet and saying “why doesn’t that happen to meeeeee?” I really wanted to make it my goal to feel like a prize. But…I don’t feel like a prize. I feel like a loser. I feel like a failure. I don’t feel like a prize because men don’t make me feel like. Most people don’t make me feel like that. I know that is wrong….that I shouldn’t rely on others to make me feel better about myself…..that I should feel like a prize even in a burlap sack…I try, it’s just hard when you know others don’t see you that way. ugh.



  30.  #30Millie on March 18, 2014 at 8:53 pm

    Oh…btw…L’Wren Scott. Did anyone read about her suicide? I read a brief article about she had wanted a family with Mick Jagger but was afraid to tell him, because she knew he was with other women….she was a talented designer, it’s so tragic, how she died. I feel like reach a point where they want to be loved and cared for so desperately, they hurt themselves to get it.



  31.  #31LoveAlways on March 18, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    “All that matters is what you see now, and what you do about it NOW.” Love this Rori.



  32.  #32Andrea on March 18, 2014 at 9:15 pm

    Millie29… I hear you. I did want to say to you that at the beginning of this year I felt so in the ditch, so down and low and full of regret and sadness. I felt like I just “wasn’t getting it.” When it came to men and life.

    What I did was… I kind of went into hybernation. I let my old phone numbers go, I went off of facebook, made no commitments to friends what so ever.. I backed out of life. I did only what I had to do necessarry in the world, other than .. work and kids.. I dropped everything.

    I spend my nights and weekends just writing in my journal to myself. I took all the Rori tools I had about loving myself and studying myself and getting to know myself… and I just used them over and over. And I wrote about it.

    I would wake up in the morning and ask the presence of my divine power to send me what I needed to notice that day.. and i didn’t ask or expect anything… I just noticed what came up and I wrote about it.

    I feel like I reset my life modem. I powered down and found something deep with in me that I’d never known before. It was just… unexplainable… ME. I FELT me for the first time.

    Then I started living my days… just committed to FEELING. I said things like… “I’m going to feel my way into my next stage of life.”

    Then slowly.. ideas started to come, new massage clients started to come, new friends, new stories…

    I just noticed… the new life forming… I noticed it. I felt my way inside of it… If I felt good, I went with it. If I felt bad I just moved out of the bad feeling vibe, experience, relationship.

    It took about a month. I cried a lot. Wrote a whole whole lot. Lost contact with people who, I guess, are not an energetic match for my new life and I stopped mourning them. But I found ways to rage.. through writing, through this blog, and through talking to myself… never confronted those people. Just let them go after I felt my way through the anger.

    It was a special cleansing time for me. And I had to do it. The biggest lesson I came away with from that experience is: I’m going to stop beating myself up. I’m going to feel my way into better feelings when I’m low. And then I’m going to notice how the world around me shapes itself to match my better feeling state.

    I started noticing that I was attracting better men, happier experiences, and slowly but surely… more money. So this is only two months after I went through that. And I’m just kind of practicing this new life. Still baby steps… but this new guy Joe is definitely a part of the transformation.

    I felt like… I was feeling bad and feeling regret, and so he wasn’t all up in my energy, until he could express love and grace for me. I just feel like it’s because I needed to not be in contact with anyone, unless they could express love and grace for me.

    Anyway, I hope this helps a little bit. I had to go deep with in myself, and for me, I just had to push everyone and everything away for a little bit and sort of… restart.



  33.  #33Liquid Light on March 18, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    Yay Turquoise!!! Yay Andrea!!! woohoooo!!!!!



  34.  #34Liquid Light on March 18, 2014 at 9:30 pm

    @Millie yeah, that is so sad. What a talent, and so beautiful….so so sad and heartbreaking.



  35.  #35Indigo on March 18, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    Andrea & Millie,

    I went through a period of hibernation too, and it was the best thing I ever did!

    x



  36.  #36Indigo on March 18, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    Millie,

    I wanted to say to you… love and gentleness for yourself can heal what you’re going through.

    But it takes time. It takes catching yourself every little time you want to be harsh with yourself – and then instead, just breathing deeply and perhaps placing your hand on your heart, and just feeling the love inside your own heart.

    When you can be truly kind to yourself like this (and for me this was a triggering experience at first, but ultimately it felt BETTER than anything) and get a revelation of how amazing you are, and how lucky other people would be to get close to you, everyone else’s responses to you around you will change.

    xx



  37.  #37Indigo on March 18, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    I actually truly love periods of hibernation.

    Periods where I tune the world out, say no to invitations, sit with my journal or stare out the window, and just sit with the heaviness and quietness of my own being. Feeling how enough I am on my own. Giving myself permission to be in this restful space.

    It feels great.



  38.  #38Millie on March 18, 2014 at 9:49 pm

    Andrea… It’s funny you used hibernation as a word because I feel in that also. I’ve stopped trying to make plans, stopped reaching out, stopped being on Facebook as much. I feel like I’ve disappeared. Thank you for sharing your process. It means the world to me…. I only hope things will change in the way they did for you.



  39.  #39Millie on March 18, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    Indigo…. I hear you. I do battle the negative voices often. But sometimes I just don’t want to be alone and I find myself alone. When you want something that you can’t have… The only person to blame is yourself for not allowing yourself to have it. I hear you about being kind to myself….I have to work on it.



  40.  #40Emerson on March 18, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    I’ve been having some ups and downs with regards of how I feel about men right now.
    I feel fed up and I feel hopeful.
    I feel happy and I feel sad.
    I feel excited and I feel bored.
    I feel polar opposites and conflicted…



  41.  #41Andrea on March 18, 2014 at 11:45 pm

    Indigo.. # 36.. yes, that feels so inspiring. I feel a joy and closeness with this sentiment.
    Just placing hand over heart and allowing myself to be the one who loves me.

    It really is transforming.



  42.  #42Linda on March 19, 2014 at 4:29 am

    How interesting. This theme of talking about hibernation. That is exactly what I am doing right now. It felt the natural and right thing to do for me. Processing feelings.. thoughts.. memories.

    My commitment to know what I am FEELING has been the most life changing thing I could have done. My work is in expressing them in “feminine energy”.

    I freely admit that I feel pretty bummed about the fact that I had to break it off with the first man I have met in 7 years that really “wanted” me. I truly wish that the deal breakers had not been there. On the flip side of that… I am feeling really good that I walked away from what was feeling so wrong.

    It is bitter sweet.



  43.  #43Kyla on March 19, 2014 at 6:28 am

    I feel sick to the pits of my stomach today. In the past week all of my CDs have shown me their true colours and in the last 72 hours its felt like my heart has been beaten and trampled to a pulp. Even old Cd’s from months ago have come out of the woodwork to beat me down. I feel truly ill. I feel shell shocked. I can’t see any message here for me except run away little girl. I took down my profile. I am deactivated my facebook account. I am cleared out my contact list. I cancelled my birthday. I give up. I don’t want to date anymore. I feel burned out and disillusioned. I love men but I don’t want to deal with their issues being dumped all over me anymore. I haven’t slept in 3 days. I’m done. Game over.



  44.  #44BeLoved on March 19, 2014 at 6:59 am

    Watching this video reminded me of a conversation I had with C, where I told him, “I only want to make out with you, I do not want to f*ck you.”
    He said, “Oh, of course not, not without protection.”
    I felt dumbfounded and thought (regretfully, didn’t say), “No, not without a discussion about expectations, std’s, circle of exposure, and a commitment.”

    Once I was introduced to sex-positive culture and these kinds of conversations, it felt difficult to believe I had ever had sex without them. Outside of Seattle, most of the men I’ve approached sex with have never even thought about these topics before.

    The Other Safe Sex Conversation

    How do you decide if you want to have sex with someone? Presumably you would choose someone you’re attracted to in some compelling way. Mutual interest on their part also seems to be a key ingredient. Once you’ve got those basics established, it’s time to get down and have some highly intimate conversation!

    Not everyone talks about sex before diving in. Once the somatic energetic trance state of mutual pleasure and desire starts to take hold, “breaking the mood” to talk about sex can be awkward. What if you knew, however, that the quality of your sexual connection would be significantly heightened by stopping and talking first?

    What kind of conversation am I talking about? It’s not just the standard safe sex conversation. By all means, have that conversation, and get some practice having it so it’s easy to initiate as a matter of course. But where things really get interesting (and intimate) is when you initiate the other safe sex conversation.

    The other safe sex conversation starts with an obvious, and yet not-so-simple, question. Once you start asking it, you’ll wonder how you ever managed without it. To hear the question, and get some basic instructions about how to have the other safe sex conversation, just click “play”!

    http://www.interchangecounseling.com/blog/the-other-safe-sex-conversation/



  45.  #45BeLoved on March 19, 2014 at 7:02 am

    Andrea when you post, I almost feel as if I never want them to end. I want to feel your story inside of me and want it to keep going and going and going 🙂



  46.  #46April Rose on March 19, 2014 at 10:53 am

    ((((Kyla)))))
    Could you be headed for a spell of hibernation too?



  47.  #47Liquid Light on March 19, 2014 at 11:24 am

    ((((((((((((((((((((Kyla)))))))))))))))))))))

    Hang in there, girl!!! I know how you feel, I’ve been there too with disappointing men. But as I keep telling myself, at least they are showing their true colors (and we are listening) sooner rather than later.



  48.  #48Andrea on March 19, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    Kyla… : ) It’s something like cleaning all the dust bunnies out from under the bed. Then when their all cleared away… there is room for fresh ( you fill in the blank ) So feel you on this one.



  49.  #49Tereana on March 19, 2014 at 2:22 pm

    Andrea, your story on 23! So amazing!! I even felt a little but healed, just reading that. Yay, you, and I hope you have a wonderful time at (fancy restaurant) with (wonderful man) on Friday : )



  50.  #50Tereana on March 19, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    Ugh. I feel like I’ve been in hibernation a winter. In many ways, good. But in other ways, it can feel lonely.

    As an introvert, I excel (and I’ve been practicing) at taking time for myself. But then it gets awkward when I want to actually reach out to someone. It’s so rare, for me, that I automatically assume the person will respond favorably. When they don’t, or they don’t have time, I feel I’ve gotten the brush-off, even if they are really busy. I just feel it very strongly. Like, “wow, I never ask for help. You are the one person I asked, and it was personal invitation, tailored specifically to the fact that I want to talk to YOU, not some general random anybody. Yet you respond as if I am just anyone, and my time and my needs for friendship and the connection we have are not important.” This may or may not be true for them. But that’s how it feels to me.

    And, because I’ve been rejected by a few friends in the past, I start jumping into scenarios. I start demoting them in my mind to not-friend. But then, this doesn’t feel good either, because what I really want is a friend. And it takes so much energy for me to ASK, that when someone says no, I feel utterly awful. All that energy wasted, and I need to sit there and just nurse my little heart that feels sad. Meanwhile, I feel that my friends feel nothing at all. They are protecting themselves, their time, their energy. Maybe just for themselves. But I wonder: are they protecting from ME? What is so evil, bad, and wrong about me?

    Like that night when my father yelled in the car that I am “evil” for have feelings. I think that’s the inner accuser that I get: if I have a need/desire/feeling, and I bring that to a friend, I have an unspoken “need” for that desire, etc. to be accepted. If it’s accepted and responded to favorably, ok. If not, the NV’s (which are really just feelings, not voices) go nuts and I just have this overall feeling of “I’m evil, I’m unworthy, there is something very wrong with me.” Then, even if I didn’t start off desperate – it was just a simple request – I then get desperate. I NEED this acceptance. Because if it isn’t accepted outside of me, I don’t know how to do it myself.

    Wow, this is powerful processing. I’ve really never thought of it this way. All I know is, this pattern is both painful and it’s detrimental to my relationships. Because every time a friends tells me they can’t attend to my feelings, I feel utterly rejected on a very deep level, and then I end up rejecting them in an effort to “protect myself.” Which, obviously doesn’t work.

    I KNOW in my heart that I’m not evil, and there’s nothing wrong with me. But there are certain times when I doubt this. And I really wonder if there is some reason people should be afraid of me 🙁 that is not what I want. That is not what I want at all.

    And I’m here to say that my father and his Crazy is WRONG. He is abusive when he’s like that, and his words are LIES. Do you hear that, programmed subconscious child-mind? Lies! All of them. You are a beautiful, amazing, radiant, magical creature and a cherished child of God. Anyone who could see in to your heart would not help but love you. Your beauty radiates from every pore of your skin, and there is nothing you could ever do, or have done, to deserve such harsh judgment. Because it is simply untrue and arises for the deep fears and insecurities of another. It is NOT about you, and it never was. You are fine. You are perfect. I love you.

    ~ the Universe



  51.  #51Kyla on March 19, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    Thank you for the hugs and kind words beautiful ladies.

    I have been through hibernating periods for what feels like eternity and I’m more exhausted now than ever. I keep trying to get some momentum going, push myself to get out again, try something new, see the light in the dark, fill myself up, let the tears fall and the feelings flow and believe that things will get better. I feel paralyzed while life is passing me by and unraveling before me eyes. I’ve never felt so low and physically weak and emptied out. I bawled my eyes out to my parents this evening, I just couldn’t stop and now they are coming to my rescue yet again. I surrender and lay down my pride and know I am not enough alone and I have to stop. I feel so unworthy and useless but eternally grateful for the blessings, love and support surrounding me. I need to put myself back together, regain faith in life and find a new way forward.

    I’m sending my love out to all of you. I hope to hear many happy stories of love and happiness when I return. XOXO



  52.  #52Tereana on March 19, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    Wowowowow. Totally unexpected result: a friend from a while back contacted me and wanted to hang out. She hurt me a while back, and I said in a longer version that I wasn’t quite ready for that, but I was open to taking about it and working through it. And she as agreeable to it. So wow. It feels really good to be heard.

    And speaking of heard – M really listens to me. When I say something isn’t good, he backs off. When I like something, he remembers. And tonight, he helped me move my stuff. Then we had dinner, and I got really open about my financial situation. I told him it’s not great, and I’m not happy with it, but I don’t expect him to “fix” it. And the whole time, I wasn’t sure if he would even still like me after all that. But instead, as we left the restaurant, he held my hand even tighter. He put his arm around me as we walked down the street. And he still sent a lovely good-night text. And I felt so relieved that I could tell him that, and he would still be there.

    And I even told him, about finances, that I felt really insecure. And the odd thing is that, when I said it, I felt secure about MYSELF. The me who feels insecure about finances feels secure about her being herself feeling that way. Lol. It’s the first time I’ve ever had that kind of experience to say it. But it was good. I liked it.

    Ok, more to this evening, but I’ll stop there.

    ‘Night, ladies! 🙂



  53.  #53Emerson on March 19, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    I’m losing hope of ever meeting someone compatible…so many years have gone by…
    I don’t know what to feel anymore…



  54.  #54Emerson on March 19, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    Kyla I wrote 53 before seeif what you’ve been feeling…

    (((Kyla)))



  55.  #55Daria on March 19, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    Kyla oh no I feel concerned… I think you’re doing just what this article is talking about – hurting yourself – by in your case closing down your profiles and shutting down your openness.

    What if the message is to Not shut down the rest of you, even when you feel very very triggered anf bad with the current men situations. This will take down the intensity and you will be acting in your behalf – staying feminine, opem to love – no matter what you feel.



  56.  #56Indigo on March 19, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    ((((Kyla))))

    I believe these times and these feelings are a message from your deepest soul… or at least, that’s what is has been for me.

    A message that the dream needs to change, that what I’ve been pursuing, the road I’ve been going down is at odds with who I really am.

    For me, I always go back to “what feels good and right to me”, no matter how strange it may seem, and this seems to restore flow.

    x



  57.  #57Daria on March 19, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    I felt very boxed in today . Small w no recourses.

    I acted in my behalf after a long procrastination.

    So yay me.

    I did spend money in wat maybe a lashing out move.

    And I did Not contact certain men where it would’ve been counterproductive to my vibe ….



  58.  #58Emerson on March 19, 2014 at 10:05 pm

    CutecityCD keeps asking me to send pics and once I replied “why” I was feeling annoyed



  59.  #59Daria on March 19, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    Until I read the article I felt very down, like I did not want to wake up tomorrow.

    I feel so dissapointed n nowhere to go. There’s no one I am looking forward or hoping to have sex with and it be lovely.

    I notice I feel not good without sex after a couple weeks.

    I feel sad and I just feel better and stronger and healthier and way happier when I’ve recently had sex.

    I’m starting to think my emf sensitivity was caused by black of feeling loved physically and sexually.

    🙁

    So bummer rite now, life doesn’t feel fun if sex is not on the menu



  60.  #60Liquid Light on March 19, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    I went to another speed dating event this evening. I was feeling very resigned and pessimistic about it. Just something to do to get me out of the house. And sure enough, it was mostly what I expected – a lot of unappealing men who were much older than I but then there was one man who I clicked with. Smart and cute and the time passed by way too fast. And it sounds he wants to get together next week. Yay! Kinda excited and so glad that I went! You just never know!!! 🙂



  61.  #61Andrea on March 19, 2014 at 10:32 pm

    Daria.. “counterproductive to my vibe” Oh yeah.. I like that phrase.

    Now I’m feeling very Goddessy today. An ex lover of mine who lives cities away from me but has stayed in touch for years just sent me a gift.

    About a week ago I told him, “I’m feeling so low and so scared.”
    He.. “Why?? What can I do?”
    Me… “My transmission has gone out in my beloved truck. I feel hopeless and lost with the possibility I might have to pour so much money into it. I feel all alone and desperate and so sad.”
    He.. “Be watching for something in the mail in the next couple of days.”

    Today I received a cashiers check for 1000.00 dollars from him to put toward a new transmission. I’m floating. I’m feel so protected and loved by the Universe. Here’s a man I haven’t seen since Christmas and will probably not see again until next year. And he just cares for me in that way. I stood at my mailbox practically sobbing with relief and wonder.
    He wrote.. “This is NOT a loan! It is my gift to you!”

    I am humbled and so grateful. And I said nothing back to him except an email: “I feel like sobbing. I feel such relief and so cared for because of your gift. You make me feel as though I’m loved and cherished. I am so fortunate that you are in my life.”

    In the meanwhile… I’m also feeling like I need to honor myself and take time to replenish myself and my feelings in the wake of such romantic interludes. Joe continues to be a presence in my life. He’s asked me out for lunch tomorrow. Tonight he texted me that he was at a certain place. I said.. “Oh, I’m at (this different place)” And that’s all I said.

    When I got home I was busy with homework and my daughters and MY life. He texted me: I’d hoped you would have come to (the place he was at.) I would have like to see you.

    I’m feeling like I need a good and honest script about how my time is extremely valuable to me. Or.. sirens??? Do I need a script? I don’t feel like taking the energy to explain this. I’m wondering if it’s okay to simply live this way: when I want to be alone or with other people or in my zone… that’s just what I want (need) and I don’t have time to organize my life around last minute plans.
    I realize he misses me and enjoys being with me, but I’m not the remedy to his lonliness. (wow, I sound harsh don’t I?)

    So.. I don’t want to “talk” this through with him right now. Or should I?? I want to treat him with respect and absolute gratitude. He’s working hard to sweep me off my feet… but I’m busy with a life right now too. I’d prefer a date or two, a chit chat or two during a one week span of time. I don’t want contact everyday. Not at this stage in our development. What happened to dating?? Why the rush toward a relationship??

    Are these questions good questions to ask him? Or do I just… show… or just continue to live my life and when I don’t feel like answering a text or a phone call… just don’t answer it???? Is that okay????



  62.  #62Amber on March 19, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    Tereana-50
    As a reformed introvert, I see so much of my former self in your post. Don’t get me wrong, ‘technically’ I’m still an introvert, in the sense that large groups of people still exhaust me, but i feel that we introverts have grabbed that term like a lifeline and use it to justify our lack of social interaction. Introverts are just people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction. Does that mean we are not meant to be social butterflies? Absolutely not! It just means we acknowledge that we will need a ‘recovery time’ after that birthday bash or girls night out. We can still go out, have an absolute blast, then tune in to ourselves and recharge. I frequently recharge DURING a social event. Technology has done wonders for me in this way. I simply retreat into my smart phone for 5-10 minutes. I find an out of the way niche, and play a short game, check the blog, read a paragraph in a book, whatever. The point is I retreat, get a mini-charge, then go back out into the big, exhausting, FUN that is happening all around me. This was a two year, conscious process for me, it didn’t happen overnight, but I LOVE that my life is more balanced because of it. I would also encourage you to put yourself forward more. The more you do, the more interactions, especially what feel like ‘brush offs,’ will start to feel like normal, everyday things, which THEY ARE. If I learned anything by this experiment it is that the experiences of being told “no” or “I can’t today” or “I don’t have time for you” are NOT personal attacks. They totally used to feel that way to me, and you know what? I just realized that that was why I spent so much time DOING things for other people, even when I didn’t want to. I NEVER wanted my friends to feel like I’d ‘brushed them off,’ because this was such a big trigger for me. Now I stick to my boundaries more and I take better care of myself and my time because I’ve had so practice both saying and accepting ‘no’ for an answer. I hope I haven’t overstepped my bounds with this post. Lots of love,
    Amber



  63.  #63Millie on March 20, 2014 at 12:29 am

    Tereana– I know how you feel in regards to putting yourself out there with friends. I am the same way, I don’t ask for help, I don’t ask to talk unless I really need to. It backfires because you subconsciously assume they understand that and will make time for you. It reminds me of an imaginary relationship slightly…valuing a friend who you think values you in the same way. But when they let you down…. I realize they aren’t the friend I thought they were. Then I realize I’ve had expectations. Expectations the other person didn’t know about. I’ve also cultivated a friendship, a bond in my mind that didn’t really exist on the level I thought it did. I see that in myself.



  64.  #64Millie on March 20, 2014 at 12:32 am

    Daria I hear you on sex….
    But I’ve only had sex twice since the new year started. And both times were not good.
    I don’t want to get used to a sexless life. It’s my biggest fear. To be completely undesired. But….seems that is my reality.



  65.  #65Veronica on March 20, 2014 at 1:21 am

    I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had time for myself. I’ve just managed to catch up.

    Lisa – wow, amazing and beautiful

    I don’t feel drawn to getting into online dating yet. The last ‘date’ I had spooked me. But I have been CDing myself – and I’ve become much more attuned to men’s energies. One of my sister’s housemates is putting out ‘wanting to interact’ energy, which I am avoiding for now. I need to sit with what I want to be in all this.

    In the meantime, one of Rori’s posts is really helping me understand how to proceed further. I’ll paste it here:

    Losing weight and feeling misery – when defenses come down, you get a new life
    So -here are just a few steps for when you’re shaking things up and shedding armor, pounds, habits, thoughts – whatever is not serving you and yet has become part of our “protection” against love and fear and anger:
    1. Honor your feelings. Even fear, even rage, even terror, even complete and utter confusion.
    2. Make a mental agreement with yourself that you will not beat yourself up for ANYTHING.
    3. Make a mental agreement with yourself that you will honor your feelings by having a goal NOT of a tangible “result” out there in the world – but of practicing – slowly and methodically – allowing yourself to feel all the chaos your changes bring up…All the newness, all the new feelings – and all the OLD feelings that have been so long buried.
    4. Make a mental agreement with yourself that this is important, and that it is more important than what happens in daily life. That you will stick to your plan no matter WHAT happens out there that you would naturally assume will “throw you off” or that actually does make you feel “off balance.”
    5. Treasure being “off balance.” If what we wanted most of all was to be “safe” – we’d never be in love. And – a HUGE part of ourselves wants exactly THAT – to be safe AHEAD of, and MORE than, to be in love.
    So – choose “off balance” instead of “safe” as much as you’re able to.
    6. Give up expectations – not because your expectations are “too much” – but because when you’re wading into new, uncharted territory, there’s just no way on this earth or in your “mind” as it is that you can KNOW what having what you want will LOOK like. You just can’t know what that experience will feel like!
    7. KNOW THIS THOUGH – You HAVE been happy. You HAVE had moments that felt good. So when something completely new happens that feels good – you’ll know you’re on the right track. And if something new happens that doesn’t feel good – you know you want to move away from that – especially if it’s a thought that’s coming from your own head!
    Shifting into a new “normal” is an experience of transition. In Transit, you feel like you’re in limbo. There’s nothing to hang onto. You have nothing to go by that you’ve ever known before. So…
    8. Assume the best. There is something better on the other side of this moment that feels weird. It’s a good thing. You’re coming out from hiding. You’re getting free, step-by-step, from old chains that held you.
    Nobody said it was comfortable.
    People who’ve been in prison a very long time face their hardest test when they’re released into the world. It’s like learning to walk all over again.
    It can be a misery, it can be fun, it can be an adventure, it can be scary and weird and uncomfortable and chaotic. And…it’s yours.
    It’s yours to keep, yours to have, yours to give away, yours to pass by.
    I pick adventure and chaos above comfort and safety anytime. It’s just challenging to choose that in the moment, when I and you are feeling shaky…So – let’s practice together.



  66.  #66Tereana on March 20, 2014 at 4:41 am

    Lisa, from your post in #2 (great to read, btw!), not a comment, but a question – what does is mean std’s might be bogus? Like overall, or just a bogus idea that you might have one? I certainly hope that you don’t. They are very real, and very unpleasant…wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy lol…. but most of them are manageable or treatable.

    Anyway…I was just curious what you meant…



  67.  #67Tereana on March 20, 2014 at 4:47 am

    Millie – yes!! (In 63) it is just like an imaginary relationship. Or even if the friendship isn’t imagined, maybe I experience it on a deeper level than they do, and we are not on the same page exactly, which only comes out in times of stress…

    I’ve also been on the receiving end of imagined friendships. That’s not so pleasant, either. And I’m such a nice person, I don’t want to hurt or let them down. But it’s because I’m so nice that sometimes certain people will imagine that we are better friends than we really are…

    I’ve had a good experience with using feeling statements in this one instance, though. The friend who hurt me is really responding, and it feels nice. Because I am not “lashing out” at her. But by telling her how I feel, I’m giving her a chance to address it so that we can work through. That’s pretty cool!



  68.  #68Tereana on March 20, 2014 at 4:58 am

    One thing I notice about M – when he asks about me, he doesn’t just say “how are you?” Or some such. He asks how I’m feeling. Whether in person, on phone, or I’m text. He asks about my feelings first. That feels so nice…and maybe it reflects the fact that I’m paying more attention to my feelings first : )



  69.  #69Linda on March 20, 2014 at 5:03 am

    I am discovering that there are so many layers to my feelings. Each feeling can be like an onion. As I get in touch my feeling..there is quite often another feeling that is feeding the prior one. Finally down to the core is something I was not aware of but when I discover it, I am “Oh…now I get it”!



  70.  #70Dominique on March 20, 2014 at 7:23 am

    Tereans – 50 – Yes this is powerful processing. 🙂 With this awareness, you can change your patterns. Please be patient, kind, and gentle with yourself through this. For you are perfect just as you are right now, and you will be just as perfect as you grow, learn, shift, change.

    Love to you

    xxoo



  71.  #71Dominique on March 20, 2014 at 7:31 am

    Andrea- 61 – You don’t need to explain yourself. IF he asks, you can be honest with him as you’ve been here.

    “I feel thankful for you, and it feels good spending time with you. Though my life feels full right now, a date would feel good; a chit chat or two a week would also feel good. I don’t want to rush toward a relationship. What do you think.”

    xxoo



  72.  #72Cupcake on March 20, 2014 at 7:48 am

    Hi, Sirens-

    I’ve been working at a convention that was in town, a lot of hours every day for a week, and haven’t checked the board. I just quickly read through the last few posts and feel glad to hear updates from all of you.

    Kyla, I hope you are feeling less disconsolate. It hurt my heart to read your words of sadness.

    I wanted to ask you thoughts about something.

    Recently, I accidentally clicked “Recommend” on one of Rori’s articles. Now, while I heartily recommend every word Rori’s ever written, by clicking “Recommend” accidentally on my swipe-screen phone, my Facebook page showed showed the Recommended Article in “Recent Activity.”

    It was probably up there for two days.

    So, recently I’ve been casually chatting with a guy, a friend of a friend who I never met but have heard stories about for 20 years. He’s very handsome, a bit of a player, and I Friended him on Facebook about two months ago because he lives in the country that Lord V. lived in and I wanted to engage with as many men in that country as possible so that I stopped feeling like Lord V. was the only man in the world with that nationality. (It really hurt, when things ended with him, that not only did I lose my erstwhile best friend, but also a realistic shot at living in that country, where I used to live and was very happy.)

    Anyway, so I’ve been chatting with the New Countryman, who is very interesting. I’m not interested in him romantically, because he seems rather SERIOUS. (He called me last night for the first time and we spoke on Skype for about half an hour, and I don’t think he smiled more than twice, and didn’t laugh at all. Which felt in sharp contrast to the non-stop laugh-fests every conversation with Lord V. offered.)

    That said, he is very educated and interesting, and he runs two small companies in the industry I am trying to get back into, and we have a wealth of mutual friends.

    Okay, back to recommending that Rori article.

    I have always used “feeling messages” in messages with him. Always.

    Every time I used a feeling message, he’d write back something like, “Wow! All these FEELINGS.”

    I felt busted.

    He never noticed before. So I think, in the time-honored tradition of Facebook crushes, he had checked out my recent activity and saw the Recommended article, then read up on Rori and now sees “feeling messages” as the tool they are.

    I feel exposed.

    He was texting that stuff when we were typing messages, and still suggested that he video-call me (again, for the first time). Except I felt so awkward using feeling messages that the conversation felt uncomfortable after that. Especially with him being so SERIOUS. (In case you haven’t surmised this….I’m generally a playful conversationalist.)

    I’d still like to talk to him, because he’s interesting. He’s passionate about global conservation, and very well read and — just the kind of person who, if you were seated next to him at a dinner party, you’d go home thinking, “What an interesting man!” — although you’d probably have done very little of the talking yourself, once you’d reflected upon it, except to pose questions.

    Anyway.

    I wondered if any of you have ever been “busted” by someone reading up on Rori and realizing that you’ve been using a tool to fascinate them.

    Anyone? Your thoughts?

    -Cupcake



  73.  #73Dominique on March 20, 2014 at 7:56 am

    Cupcake – So what? If he did indeed read up on RR’s work which would take a long time by the way, so what. He will know far sooner that he’s got a goddess prize in you.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  74.  #74Daria on March 20, 2014 at 9:42 am

    Cupcake – yeah I sometimes busy myself out. I talk about how blessed I feel to have brought feelings of peace and happiness in my life through practicing the work of a coach I admire. How I learned to express my feelings through her work and how it feels so feminine and empowering to me.

    I can sometimes also talk about how embarrassing it feels that I learned this by reading someone else’s words instead of knowing it myself already, and yet how grateful I feel to finally have opened up this emotional part of myself.



  75.  #75Indigo on March 20, 2014 at 9:49 am

    Amber 62,

    I just wanted to add to your post that for an introvert/highly sensitive, having great self-care can greatly increase the amount of interaction you are able to have with other people and time you are able to spend with them.

    I have found if I feed myself properly, get enough rest and sleep, wear clothes that feel good, get gentle exercise and just generally pay attention to what I need as a priority, I get depleted by people MUCH less quickly. It still happens, but it’s less extreme when you have very good awareness around your needs.



  76.  #76Indigo on March 20, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Cupcake,

    Yeah I’ve been “busted” a few times.

    It did make me feel very exposed and vulnerable, but I realize that was a good thing. I realized that when someone thought they’d “called me out” I could blush and smile and be open to them… I could be melty and expose my open heart that yes… I am not perfect, and I seek help.

    Somehow it made me feel more authentic, and softer, in their eyes.



  77.  #77Stargirl on March 20, 2014 at 11:12 am

    In the process of breaking up from a long distance relationship of 15 months. We have gotten along well together, but there have been some warning signs. He is a bit negative and he won’t leave the job that is making him miserable. It feels good to talk about the relationship, and he even brought it up. He doesn’t want to have to drive six hours to see his girlfriend, but he’s not ready to get married. At the same time, he said that when I threw a surprise birthday party for him it was the nicest thing anyone has done for him. He appreciates that I’ve only been loving to him. This makes me feel good but pretty vanilla at the same time. I want to be with someone who is crazy about me or excited to be with me. What we have is a pretty tame version of that, but it is hard to leave the comfort of the relationship. I am trying to tell myself that I can find someone out there who will be excited to be with me and who will energize me. It is scary.



  78.  #78Takeeka on March 20, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Stargirl-77,
    Im so in agreement with you about finding someone that will be excited to be with me!!



  79.  #79Takeeka on March 20, 2014 at 11:39 am

    All,
    Im getting to the place to actually follow Rori, Dominique and Leigha advice by not doing NOTHING to try to get my relationship to work like its suppose too!!!! But im scared that doing NOTHING will push me further and further away because Im not calling him and he’s not calling me!!!! I dont have the desires to call him so Im feeling that Im gonna soon just let it be, even thought I dont wanna its bound to happen.



  80.  #80Liquid Light on March 20, 2014 at 11:49 am

    Andrea,

    He wrote.. “This is NOT a loan! It is my gift to you!”

    OMG, I LOVE this! Pure magic! You go, girl!!!!

    Woohoooo!!!!



  81.  #81Cupcake on March 20, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    Dominique #73-

    If someone took the time to really read up on Rori, they’d see that the goal is indeed pure communication for better understanding. However, someone skimming through the material would see headlines that say, “Words That Make Him Want To Love Only You!” and “Become Mesmerizing, Instantly!” and stuff like that. Which smacks of an intention to manipulate, not communicate.

    You are absolutely right in saying, “So what?” I don’t really care what this guy thinks in the long run. It just felt awkward. I don’t know for sure that he looked Rori up. I only know that last night, whenever I typed a message using the word “feel”, he joked about how many times I was using it. Not in a mean way- just like a winking, “I’m onto your game” way.

    If he said, “Hey I looked up Rori Raye and I know what you’re up to,” I could say what Daria and Indigo mention– “Yep. It feels good to have this expert helping me learn to communicate.”

    I just felt painted into a corner. If it happens again, I’ll say, “Yes, I do try to stay with my feelings, because I’ve learned that telling my truth works, and nothing else really does. Sometimes I feel all up in my head with thoughts, and when I bring my feelings into it, I know where I am.” Or something like that.

    I don’t know. It was just an interesting situation.

    Thanks for reminding me that he’s lucky to be talking to me at all! 🙂

    Cupcake



  82.  #82Andrea on March 20, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    Dominique #71 Yes THANK YOU!! Wow so simple. So succinct. And it’s just sharing what MY joy in life is and has nothing to do with him.

    That feel so refreshing. I just breathed a sigh of relief right there reading it. Wow, I didn’t realize I’d been holding on to this angst. But yes, If he brings it up, I’ll use that script. That’s great!!



  83.  #83Lisa on March 20, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    Wow doing TheWork daily as much as I can… I’m going very deep here….

    I found out in my turn arounds tonight that…

    *** When I want a relationship bad enough, I lie to me

    simple…. I can’t trust men b/c I can’t trust myself to be on my own side… if I want a “man” or a relationship bad enough then I tell myself all kinds of stories to make up for deficits…

    So how can I trust a man when I can’t trust myself…….

    I need to trust me to be on my own side and tell myself the truth no matter if it means losing a man or not… I really get ( I already knew but now I really deeply get) what Rori says… about not letting a man get by with things, sugar coating it or smoothing it over… reality is… they did such and such…. and when I don’t want to face what they did… and I make up a story about it….. I’m lying to myself…

    and she is right I need to be ready willing and able to say goodbye if they don’t come back with an acceptable response or action…

    So it all about being true to me first, honest with me first and stand by myself first… the second I’m afraid of losing someone, I abandon myself….

    OXOXO



  84.  #84Tereana on March 20, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    Andrea (62), what do you mean “reformed” introvert. Lol. I couldn’t really read past that (even to the “don’t get me wrong” part) before responding, because there is absolutely nothing I would ever want to do to become not an introvert. Most people who know me actually believe that I’m an extrovert. Until I set them straight. It’s possible I’m an ambivert, but I experience my introverted side more strongly and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

    Introvert pride.

    I reject the misguided idea that many people, and society generally have that extroversion is the “way to go” simply because it is more common. And introverts, being sensitive, pick up on this and take it on. Introverts make the world much juicier and deeper. And that’s the way I want to BE.

    So if anyone wanys to try and sell me an introvert reform kit, I’m not interested ; )



  85.  #85Tereana on March 20, 2014 at 6:54 pm

    Indigo, I agree with your #75, totally



  86.  #86Tereana on March 20, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    Is there a new post up?

    I’ve noticed that I keep having these insecure thoughts, that if I do one little thing wrong, M will either be angry or stop loving me. But he does neither. And I don’t want him to. I’m just continually surprised that he doesn’t. And yet, the more he stays with me, even when I think I should be rejected, the more I can allow these feelings to dissipate. They still come up, though. But then I replace with a reassuring thought, like, “ok, so he hasn’t responded to my text. He’s probably doing [x], and he’ll get back to me later.” Or, “he still loves me even though he didn’t say it just now.” It’s not fool-proof, but it gives me something to do… With my brain



  87.  #87Stargirl on March 20, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    Takeeka thanks for hearing me! The breakup is a big deal for me- just had another talk and it was almost like the bf was thinking about coming to visit for the weekend or break up. So the weekend might be nice, but it just seems like it won’t last. Finally I got up the courage to say at the end that it sounds like we’ve come to a decision to break up. He asked if I want to talk tomorrow and I said I don’t know and hung up. It is scary but I think it will open up so many possibilities. After I hung up I thought of how I could move anywhere for my job now without having to go one place to please him. Good feeling.

    Way to go on following Rori’s tools. It can be difficult to change patterns- especially to stop over functioning. I think that over functioning is what kept my relationship going for so long- and it wasn’t the right relationship for me so my over functioning was postponing good things. I am also going to try to do nothing- try just being! It will take some deep breaths but we can do it!



  88.  #88Emerson on March 20, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    Tonight I felt such a sense I urgency and a sense of lk going for a long term partner …
    I feel needy and ignored and forgotten!
    I am good to bed early…my CDs are all quiet. Maybe they can feel my needy energy



  89.  #89Emerson on March 20, 2014 at 9:56 pm

    I feel flat and I also feel thankful



  90.  #90Indigo on March 20, 2014 at 11:52 pm

    Lisa 83,

    Love this 🙂

    x



  91.  #91Indigo on March 20, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    Tereana,

    🙂

    x



  92.  #92Takeeka on March 21, 2014 at 5:26 am

    Stargirl-87,
    Mine was a big-deal too!!!! I’m just tired of going back and forth. As soon as we becaome close and try to move forward his ex jumps back in so I gotta let them have that…..I haven’t called and he hasn’t called me! I wont be calling this time. Im always the one trying to work things out and it has really drained me! I actually feel better about myself too.
    I used the tool of doing NOTHING and it is really working for me…..We deserve so much better than what we’re getting. I don’t know if E is gonna end up back with his ex wife or not but however it goes im not gonna interfer. Last Friday he told me that he still love me and the only thing I do now when he say that is look at him! If we start back as friends im not gonna just put all my energy into him. Yes I still do love him, but I guess he loves his ex more! It made me feel kind of bad because I only 5 years older than him and she’s 17 years older and he rather have her! but o well!!



  93.  #93Andrea on March 21, 2014 at 6:20 am

    #84 Tereana… : ) You must be referring to the post # 62 made by Amber.

    I have to admit that I have no knowledge nor concern with the introvert/extrovert type experiences. I’m so eclectic myself that I haven’t been able to pin myself down to any one label. So I can’t comment about anyone else’s experience with those types of things.

    Thank you for posting about your relationship with M though. I’m learning a lot just by keeping an eye on what you go through. : )



  94.  #94stephanie on March 22, 2014 at 10:35 am

    is there a book instead of a video with the workbook?



  95.  #95Rori Raye on March 23, 2014 at 9:14 am

    stephanie (I deleted your last name for your privacy), what program are you referring to? The only “book” is the Have The Relationship You Want ebook – all the programs are video with workbook – and Reconnect your Relationship and Heart Connection Toolkit are audio with workbook…Love, Rori



  96.  #96Meg flan on March 23, 2014 at 10:46 am

    Hi Rori and all

    I am in a one year relationship that isn’t going well. I’ve overfunctioned, managed, nagged, been clingy, fearful, been controlling, etc. not good! He is incredibly distant. And we live together.

    This am I saw something fb about he and a friend getting over old mistakes (me maybe.) by going out and making new ones. I am currently out of the state we live in visiting family. Had I not seen this post I would be fine with him going out with a friend. Buuuuut, that post set me off.

    I called him to ask about it, but it was at 5am his time, 7am my time. He said the post was about his friend moving on after his divorce.

    I don’t believe my fb did anything wrong. I know reacted out of fear. I am terrified of losing him. At 5am he was not happy with me and ended the call.

    I bought one of Rori’s programs and I am committed to it. I want so much to a better person for me and to grow into a better partner. I’d also like to save my relationship.

    Question- should I contact him (a text?) to apologize for calling at 5am?? In feel my call was rude and needy. I feel I need to apologize for that.

    I know I need to stop rowing the boat. Thoughts?

    Much appreciated. Megan



  97.  #97Jessie1000 on March 23, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    Hi
    I feel like I have broken a new pattern. I usually date and then dont like to break up with someone that I dont like…I just kind of avoid them or dont really speak directly ….like instead of saying wow, why would I date you, you live with your wife and 3 kids omg…I would just slowly drift away and avoid dates by saying Im busy…WHY? I have no idea…fear I guess. SO today, I decided to not do that and felt very anxious and LOL one guy hated it…argued with me, said I used him and called me a whore…Another guy appreciated what I said and said wow, thanks for your honesty and if I ever needed a friend or coffee to just call….lol
    two big moves today, felt pretty good.
    Breaking out of my shell…..
    Yay jessie



  98.  #98Dominique on March 24, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    Meg flan – Though an apology is warranted, I wouldn’t suggest reaching out first. Give him a chance to come to you, and he will, and then without gushing, offer up a simple apology. No elaboration, little is any explanation. eg. I feel badly for overreacting the other morning, and I’m sorry. – And that’s all you need to say.

    xxoo



  99.  #99Dominique on March 24, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    Jessie 1000 – YAY you!!! 🙂

    xxoo



  100.  #100Meg flan on March 24, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    Thanks Dominique. I appreciate your response.

    I have one additional question…..

    I am TERRIFIED of returning to C.O. On Thursday and having him end it.

    Not sure what to do or how to prevent that? I’m having a great time visiting parents n some friend on the east coast. But I have heard VERY little from my man and am very worries.

    Thoughts?

    Thanks. Meg 🙂



  101.  #101Dominique on March 25, 2014 at 6:23 am

    Meg – It will be what it is. He will end things, or he won’t. If he’s like most every other man, he won’t be ending things over something like this, IF he’s a good man and IF he’s the one for you. Have you heard the expression – you can’t say the wrong thing to the right man? Within reason this is very true.

    As for your fear, FEEL it, love on it. It’s part of you, and since it’s a part of you, it’s a good thing.

    And no matter what happens, you WILL be okay.

    xxoo